1. - Excuse us!
- Jeez! Get a room or somethin'.Copy !req
2. You know they're
gonna charge for those.Copy !req
3. Those books aren't cheap, either.Copy !req
4. What are you looking at?Copy !req
5. Gerry, isn't that your bus?Copy !req
6. Great way to start the summer.Copy !req
7. Wait! Dumb bus! Stop!Copy !req
8. Go, fat boy, go!Copy !req
9. Everybody wants to live
and they wanna liveCopy !req
10. Everybody wants to love
and they wanna loveCopy !req
11. Everybody wants to be
closer to freeCopy !req
12. Everybody wants respectCopy !req
13. A little help here, son.Copy !req
14. Come on, toss it over.Copy !req
15. Give it another try there, son. Right here.Copy !req
16. Come on, over the fence, son.Copy !req
17. Everybody one, everybody twoCopy !req
18. Everybody threeCopy !req
19. Everybody needs to touch
now and thenCopy !req
20. And everybody wants
a good, good friendCopy !req
21. Everybody wants to beCopy !req
22. Lemonade! Lemonade!Copy !req
23. Everybody wants to live
and they wanna liveCopy !req
24. And everybody wants to love
and they wanna loveCopy !req
25. Everybody wants to be closer to freeCopy !req
26. - Hello?
We're in here, honey.Copy !req
27. Come on, son.Copy !req
28. Why is everybody home?
Did someone die?Copy !req
29. Who's this?Copy !req
30. Hi, Gerry. Roger Johnson.Copy !req
31. Islander's fan?Copy !req
32. Team of the future, I say.Copy !req
33. Yeah. Whatever. I'm outta here.Copy !req
34. Hold those horses, cowboy.Copy !req
35. Mr. Johnson is your guest,Copy !req
36. and he's here to talk to you
about a very special summer camp.Copy !req
37. A camp designed just for you, Gerry.Copy !req
38. Summer camp? No way! I have plans
for the summer. I'm gonna hang out.Copy !req
39. Come on, honey, he's got a videotape
for us to watch.Copy !req
40. Why don't we just take a little peek?Copy !req
41. Why don't we not?Copy !req
42. WOMAN". Greetings, future campers.Copy !req
43. I'm Alice Bushkin, and this is Harvey,Copy !req
44. and we've been the owners
and operators of Camp HopeCopy !req
45. for 32 wonderful summers.Copy !req
46. Won't you join us for number 33?Copy !req
47. What's that?Copy !req
48. Okay, this is called the Blob.Copy !req
49. The "Blob"?Copy !req
50. You can go as high
as 15 feet on that thing.Copy !req
51. Wow!Copy !req
52. Go-karts! How many times
can you go on the go-karts?Copy !req
53. As much as you want, Gerry.
But be careful.Copy !req
54. They can be addicting.Copy !req
55. I'm only kidding.Copy !req
56. I'm Pat Finley.Copy !req
57. I've been comin' here since I was
10 years old. Wanna know why?Copy !req
58. 'Cause Camp Hope is the fun way
to lose weight. Right, guys?Copy !req
59. It's a fat camp! Are you crazy?Copy !req
60. No way! I'm not going to a camp
with a bunch of fat loads!Copy !req
61. Gerry!Copy !req
62. - Now, That's not kind, Gerry.
- We're doing this for your own good.Copy !req
63. We gotta nip this thing in the bud.Copy !req
64. I'm fine. This is a joke, right?Copy !req
65. You're fatter than I am.
Why don't you go to the camp?Copy !req
66. You show your father some respect.Copy !req
67. First, I think we should have
a little pow-wow,Copy !req
68. and we will call you
with our decision later.Copy !req
69. I'll give you my decision right now.
I'm not going.Copy !req
70. Hey there, Mr. Rainy Day.Copy !req
71. I've got a little surprise for you.Copy !req
72. Cutie!Copy !req
73. Great!Copy !req
74. Headed to fat camp?Copy !req
75. No. Why do you say that?Copy !req
76. 'Cause you're fat.Copy !req
77. - That your dad?
- No.Copy !req
78. - Why do you say that?
- 'Cause he's fat too.Copy !req
79. Well, so are you.Copy !req
80. I know. That's why I'm goin' to fat camp.Copy !req
81. I'm Roy.Copy !req
82. I'm Gerry.Copy !req
83. - Yeah, I guess I'm goin'.
- I knew it.Copy !req
84. - And that's your dad, too, isn't it?
- Hell, no.Copy !req
85. Well, you're gonna love camp, man.
Camp is awesome.Copy !req
86. Plus, no one picks on you
because you're not the fat kid.Copy !req
87. Everybody's the fat kid.Copy !req
88. Just stick with me, Gerry,
because I'm the man!Copy !req
89. Mr. Bushkin tells the scariest
ghost stories you ever heard.Copy !req
90. Hey, Roy!
- Yes, have no fear. I have returned.Copy !req
91. I got a rookie here and his name's Gerry.Copy !req
92. So show him the same amount
of respect that you show me, none.Copy !req
93. Excuse me. I'm looking for
several portly adolescents.Copy !req
94. That's us. Lookin' good, Pat.Copy !req
95. Tell me somethin' I don't know.Copy !req
96. Let's load her up.Copy !req
97. Hey! How are ya, guys?
Phillip, how are you?Copy !req
98. - This is Gerry.
- Hey, Gerry. I'm Pat. Pat Finley.Copy !req
99. I'm sure you recognize me
from my work in the Camp Hope video.Copy !req
100. We have a little tradition here, Gerry.Copy !req
101. The new guy drives to camp.
Right, guys?Copy !req
102. Just try to keep it under 70, all right?
We got some weird local cops.Copy !req
103. - You drive a stick, right?
- Well, no, but I can try.Copy !req
104. No, no, no. Sorry, cannot risk it.Copy !req
105. Gerry, come here a second.
I gotta ask you somethin'.Copy !req
106. Somethin' very serious.Copy !req
107. Are you ready for
the best damn summer of your life?Copy !req
108. Let's go! ls everybody gonna
behave themselves this summer?Copy !req
109. No!
- Good! That's what I expect.Copy !req
110. Come on, pull over.Copy !req
111. No, no, I can't do it.
I gotta get back to camp.Copy !req
112. Come on, don't bug me.Copy !req
113. Please!Copy !req
114. - All right.Copy !req
115. That's not funny, Pat.Copy !req
116. I thought it was
pretty amusing, myself.Copy !req
117. Garner, where're you from?
- Long Island.Copy !req
118. Never heard of it.Copy !req
119. Hey, Sam, don't lean your head
out the window.Copy !req
120. We lost six kids like that last summer.Copy !req
121. I'm not gonna pick up your head.Copy !req
122. Leave my head,
I don't need it anyway.Copy !req
123. Camp Hope, everybody.
The best place on earth! All right!Copy !req
124. Camp Hope!Copy !req
125. All right. Now, in a nice,
orderly fashion, get off my bus!Copy !req
126. Get off! Everybody off!Copy !req
127. It's stuck! I don't know what to do!Copy !req
128. Open the door!Copy !req
129. Heads up!Copy !req
130. - Hey, bony butt!
- How was your year, chicken legs?Copy !req
131. - It's not funny, okay guys?
- Why are they teasing him?Copy !req
132. That's a counselor named Tim.Copy !req
133. He used to be one of us,
but then he lost weight.Copy !req
134. So we like to give him a hard time
about it.Copy !req
135. He's cool, though.Copy !req
136. Hey, Tim, what happened?
Did you have a baby?Copy !req
137. That's funny. Just 'cause I got
these great, skinny buns of steel.Copy !req
138. Look at that. All tight and taut.
I bet you wish they were yours.Copy !req
139. Take a look, boys.
The envy of the entire camp.Copy !req
140. Up there is the bald eagle, which is a...Copy !req
141. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
142. I'm Julie, the new nurse.Copy !req
143. Pat.Copy !req
144. Pat, I'm a little lost.
Can you tell me where the infirmary is?Copy !req
145. Let's see.Copy !req
146. No.Copy !req
147. Oh, Well, I'll find it.Copy !req
148. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
149. Pat, you've been comin' here
since you were 10,Copy !req
150. and you don't know
where the infirmary is?Copy !req
151. I panicked.Copy !req
152. Pat, what are we
gonna do with you, man?Copy !req
153. - Help me with these bags, all right?
- All right.Copy !req
154. Garner? Let's get workin' on this trunk.Copy !req
155. - You got a girlfriend?
- No.Copy !req
156. So, you broke up with her
before the summer,Copy !req
157. so you could be free to play the field?Copy !req
158. Yeah, you gotta play the field.Copy !req
159. Yeah, I break up with my girlfriend
before every summer.Copy !req
160. You gotta be free, you know?
All right, put it down.Copy !req
161. Well, this is it, Gerry. I've been
the counselor in here for 10 years.Copy !req
162. I hope you're ready.Copy !req
163. You'll be hangin' with some
pretty cool cats.Copy !req
164. - Josh, how you doin', man?
- Roy.Copy !req
165. I just saw the new nurse,
and she's very attractive.Copy !req
166. This pleases me.Copy !req
167. Here it is.Copy !req
168. Chez Chipmunk, my summer home.Copy !req
169. What've we got here?Copy !req
170. Gerry, this is Josh. Camp legend.Copy !req
171. Aye, aye, captain, sir. All present
and accounted for, captain, sir.Copy !req
172. What's the matter, you're not a captain?Copy !req
173. No.Copy !req
174. Then maybe you should lose the wings.Copy !req
175. Welcome to the
Chipmunk Bunk, captain.Copy !req
176. The best bunk in the entire camp.Copy !req
177. You guys aren't gonna call me captain
all summer, are you?Copy !req
178. - Yes, sir!
- Yes, sir!Copy !req
179. Okay, captain, looks like
you're all set here.Copy !req
180. I gotta go take care of some other stuff.Copy !req
181. You're the best, Pat.
- All right, take it easy.Copy !req
182. All right, Gerry, over here
is your brand-new bunk.Copy !req
183. Don't tell anybody, but I snuck in
some Oreos for emergencies.Copy !req
184. That was very sneaky of you.Copy !req
185. Chipmunks, download now!Copy !req
186. New kid, yo!Copy !req
187. Come on over here. Get these salamis
off my back. They really hurt.Copy !req
188. - Hey, Phillip, look at this.
- That's pretty nice, Nicholas.Copy !req
189. But look at this.Copy !req
190. Yes!Copy !req
191. Crikey! I knew it was too hot in that bus.Copy !req
192. This is definitely not sanitary.Copy !req
193. Everyone!
Grab a taste of England, guys!Copy !req
194. You're gonna love the Bushkins.Copy !req
195. Every year they surprise usCopy !req
196. with something cool
they bought for the camp.Copy !req
197. Last year they got us the Blob,Copy !req
198. and this year I heard
they're getting us jet skis.Copy !req
199. - Jet skis?
- Here they come.Copy !req
200. - You're gonna love these people.
- Really?Copy !req
201. Greetings, campers.Copy !req
202. Hi! Hi! Hiya!Copy !req
203. You'll get it.Copy !req
204. That's the greatest sound
I've heard in a long time.Copy !req
205. Harvey and I are saddened
and dismayed to announceCopy !req
206. that we are no longer
the owners of Camp Hope.Copy !req
207. - What?
- What are you talkin' about?Copy !req
208. Sometimes in life, things don't
work out the way you planned.Copy !req
209. And in those situations, sometimes,Copy !req
210. you file Chapter 9 bankruptcy.Copy !req
211. Jesus! We've worked our whole life!Copy !req
212. And what do we have to show?
Nothin', nothin', nothin'!Copy !req
213. Stop it, Harvey, stop it.Copy !req
214. Okay, kids.
Out with the old and in with the new.Copy !req
215. Now, your new owner is gonna
introduce himself in a minute.Copy !req
216. But you know what I would like?Copy !req
217. Please, could you give us
just one more Camp HopeCopy !req
218. Hiya.Copy !req
219. God bless all of you.Copy !req
220. We love you, Harvey!Copy !req
221. He's kidding, guys.
He's gotta be.Copy !req
222. One word of advice.
Never let anyone sign your checks!Copy !req
223. Harvey, please.Copy !req
224. - What are we gonna do, Roy?
- I don't know, man.Copy !req
225. Now it's time to meet
the new owner and operator.Copy !req
226. Tony Perkis is a man
who believes in you.Copy !req
227. His life is dedicated
to saying things like,Copy !req
228. "Yes!" and "You better believe it!"Copy !req
229. Entrepreneur, a motivator
and our new friend.Copy !req
230. May I introduce Tony Perkis!Copy !req
231. Can you smell it?Copy !req
232. There's a life force in here tonight.Copy !req
233. Do you feel it?Copy !req
234. I look around this room
and I see potential.Copy !req
235. I see the future chairman
of a Fortune 500 company.Copy !req
236. I see a famous rap artist.Copy !req
237. I see the President of
the United States of America.Copy !req
238. He's from England.Copy !req
239. Being an only child,Copy !req
240. educated entirely by private tutors
my whole life,Copy !req
241. I'm looking forward to interacting
with children for the first time.Copy !req
242. I'm gonna teach you,Copy !req
243. and I bet you might teach me
a little something also.Copy !req
244. Now, those of you from
western PennsylvaniaCopy !req
245. probably know my father, Tony Perkis
senior, the "lighting fixture" king.Copy !req
246. All the lights you'll see around
this camp have been donated by him.Copy !req
247. But I'm gonna do old Dad one better.Copy !req
248. I'm not gonna give you a light.Copy !req
249. I'm gonna show you the light!Copy !req
250. And to help me do it, let's meet
the new staff of Camp Hope.Copy !req
251. Team Perkis!Copy !req
252. All right. Stand proud, boys.
Hey, who wants to be on TV?Copy !req
253. That's Kenny the cameraman.Copy !req
254. Hey, there, Kenny!Copy !req
255. If all goes according to plan,
we're gonna turn this summerCopy !req
256. into the number one weight-loss
infomercial in the country!Copy !req
257. - You're kidding.
- Kids...Copy !req
258. At age 12, I weighed 319 pounds.Copy !req
259. I had bad skin, low self-esteem
and no self-respect.Copy !req
260. Now I eat success for breakfastCopy !req
261. with skimmed milk.Copy !req
262. Pounds are gonna fly
and fat is outta here, mister!Copy !req
263. - And we are gonna do it together!Copy !req
264. Oh, my God!Copy !req
265. I wanna go home!Copy !req
266. The Bushkins always put me
in the Chipmunk Bunk.Copy !req
267. I've been in here for, like, 10 years.Copy !req
268. According to my information, you have
been reassigned to the Big House.Copy !req
269. I don't think Tony would mind
if we switched back.Copy !req
270. That would make me feel
very uncomfortable.Copy !req
271. Well, I'm gonna talk to Tony.Copy !req
272. Please do. Let me get your bag.Copy !req
273. Goodbye, now. Enjoy your summer.Copy !req
274. Hello!
I'm your new friend and counselor.Copy !req
275. Please enjoy
your new PerkiSystem uniforms.Copy !req
276. Your families will be billed automatically.Copy !req
277. Now, let's play the fun game that
helps us learn each other's names.Copy !req
278. - We already know each other's names.
- Silence!Copy !req
279. You! Please announce
everyone's name.Copy !req
280. Okay. That's Roy. That's Josh.Copy !req
281. Sam. That's Cody. That's Nicholas.
That's Michael. That's Phil.Copy !req
282. And I am Lars.Copy !req
283. Lars? What kind of name is that?Copy !req
284. Where are you from?Copy !req
285. Far away.Copy !req
286. Now, I must inform you
I have a severely deviated septum.Copy !req
287. When I sleep at night,
I make a very disturbing sound.Copy !req
288. Don't be alarmed. I am fine.Copy !req
289. Now, go to sleep.Copy !req
290. Oh, no. I'm dead!Copy !req
291. I'm in heaven.Copy !req
292. Roy? Roy.Copy !req
293. What's goin' on?Copy !req
294. Wake up, campers.
It's a glorious morning.Copy !req
295. Today is evaluation day.
The key word here is "value".Copy !req
296. Do you have any? Not yet.Copy !req
297. But by the end of the summer,Copy !req
298. this camp's gonna be
filled with skinny winners!Copy !req
299. Skinny wieners? You hear that, guys?Copy !req
300. Do you think I'm crazy?Copy !req
301. I'm not crazy. I just believe in you.
And I believe in you.Copy !req
302. Call and order now.Copy !req
303. All right, let's go get our hands dirty.Copy !req
304. Glide! Stride! Glide! Stride!Copy !req
305. Get your butt off the ground!
Concentrate!Copy !req
306. Find your center.Copy !req
307. Stride! Glide!Copy !req
308. Stride!Copy !req
309. - I'm feeling skinny, Tony.
So am I.Copy !req
310. If we keep this up, I see no reasonCopy !req
311. why we can't beat
Camp MVP in the Apache Relay.Copy !req
312. What's an Apache Relay?Copy !req
313. It's a dumb inter-camp event
when those stupid jocks at MVPCopy !req
314. come over here
and kick our butts every year.Copy !req
315. Only film the ones
that are standing, Kenny.Copy !req
316. Glide!Copy !req
317. 141 pounds, Gerry Garner.Copy !req
318. Weight-loss goal, 17 pounds.
Please step down.Copy !req
319. Next!Copy !req
320. Very fat, I see. 160 pounds.
Weight-loss goal, 23 pounds.Copy !req
321. Oh, my!Copy !req
322. Congratulations, Mr. Simms.Copy !req
323. You're the fattest boy in camp.Copy !req
324. All right! Let's hear it for the fat guy!Copy !req
325. Get down!Copy !req
326. Five and a quarter.Copy !req
327. Big smile.Copy !req
328. Turn around to your side.Copy !req
329. Please put your fat finger down!Copy !req
330. You've broken my camera!Copy !req
331. No, no, no, you listen to me.Copy !req
332. If I don't get a 50,000 unit presale
on this video, my ass is wheatgrass.Copy !req
333. Just hang on a second.Copy !req
334. Attention, campers. Tonight's lecture
is "Option or Obsession?"Copy !req
335. Watch out for Salami Sam!Copy !req
336. Hey, don't pee in the water!Copy !req
337. Don't drink the water. He peed in it!Copy !req
338. Nurse Julie!Copy !req
339. Excuse me. Nurse Julie. I'm having
a problem with my sciatic nerve.Copy !req
340. Perhaps later you could
give me a deep-tissue massage?Copy !req
341. I'll pencil you in. Lars,
shouldn't you be watching the kids?Copy !req
342. Don't worry.
I have them on the body system.Copy !req
343. - Body system?
- Yeah. Have a look.Copy !req
344. - Buddy!
- Buddy!Copy !req
345. - Buddy!
- Buddy!Copy !req
346. - Buddy!
- Buddy!Copy !req
347. Buddy. You're obviously
a very powerful man, Lars.Copy !req
348. Would you excuse me?Copy !req
349. Yes, but with much difficulty.Copy !req
350. - Buddy!
- Buddy!Copy !req
351. All right. Gerry, here's your bat.
Nicholas, you know what to do.Copy !req
352. Is this kinda like cricket?Copy !req
353. It's not kinda like cricket, it is cricket,
just with a different name.Copy !req
354. Tim! The MVPers are almost here.
Are the boys ready?Copy !req
355. Oh, yeah, Tony!Copy !req
356. You know, I really need
to talk to you about this.Copy !req
357. I think our kids are gonna
get their butts handed to 'em.Copy !req
358. Why don't we just hold off?Copy !req
359. Thank you for telling me
how to run my camp, that I bought.Copy !req
360. Yeah, well, This isn't gonna help
those kids get any better at sports.Copy !req
361. We're not teaching them about sports.
We're teaching them about life.Copy !req
362. Life.Copy !req
363. Look!
Come on, let's go!Copy !req
364. Let's do it!Copy !req
365. - I'm not so good at sports.
- Yeah. And I'm Deion Sanders.Copy !req
366. We're dead, guys.Copy !req
367. Come on, I wanna see
some hustle out there!Copy !req
368. - Hey, Chris.
- Hey, Pat. How you doin'?Copy !req
369. - So you got a promotion?
- Yeah.Copy !req
370. Listen, Chris, over the years
you guys have whupped us pretty good.Copy !req
371. How about taking it easy on my guys?
You know what I mean.Copy !req
372. No, I don't know what you mean.Copy !req
373. MVP campers are trained to compete
at the highest level at all times.Copy !req
374. We wouldn't wanna confuse 'em.
Looking good, Pat.Copy !req
375. All right, let's work it around!
Come on, men!Copy !req
376. Now, let's just hit the field
and let the fates decide.Copy !req
377. There we go, good plan. All right!Copy !req
378. There you go. Eye of the tiger. Did
you eat your Wheaties today, Phillip?Copy !req
379. Thank God you ate your Wheaties.Copy !req
380. All right, Simms. Way to hustle!
Like a rocket. There you go.Copy !req
381. Pat Finley, please report
to the men's toilets immediately.Copy !req
382. Bring a mop and a plunger, now!Copy !req
383. Tim, take me out, please.Copy !req
384. Out!Copy !req
385. Beautiful!Copy !req
386. - Can I go to the nurse?
- Yeah, okay, Phillip.Copy !req
387. Just wait till someone
comes back, okay?Copy !req
388. Cody, what on earth
is going on out there?Copy !req
389. We're perkisizing.Copy !req
390. Strike!Copy !req
391. Strike!Copy !req
392. Strike three!Copy !req
393. Strike!Copy !req
394. Nice swing, you fat tubbo.Copy !req
395. Is that all you've got?Copy !req
396. That's foul.Copy !req
397. All right, next batter.
Let's go, son.Copy !req
398. Sorry!Copy !req
399. You can do it.
Keep your eyes on the bat.Copy !req
400. Put it in the pocket. Swing harder.
I have no idea what I'm saying.Copy !req
401. You Okay?Copy !req
402. Well, there goes your perfect game.
Come on!Copy !req
403. - Calm down.
- Take your base, you big baby.Copy !req
404. You're holding up the game.Copy !req
405. That's right, suck it up, Gerry.Copy !req
406. The poor baby's gonna cry.Copy !req
407. Don't blubber, chubber!Copy !req
408. Mess with us.Copy !req
409. No, man! That's my bed!Copy !req
410. I don't enjoy this part of the job.Copy !req
411. But it's vital to the success
of the PerkiSystemCopy !req
412. that we remove all temptationCopy !req
413. from your lives.Copy !req
414. Here. Dispose of that, Lars.Copy !req
415. What? I'm still your friend.Copy !req
416. Come on, give me a hug.Copy !req
417. Come on.Copy !req
418. Tony believes in you.Copy !req
419. Looks like my man's packin'!Copy !req
420. Drop back, son.Copy !req
421. Tony!Copy !req
422. Sir. I was a Chipmunk last year. Look.Copy !req
423. Well, well, well! What have we here?Copy !req
424. Who would like to own up
to this treasure trove?Copy !req
425. Whose wonderful candies are these?
Look. A deli meat.Copy !req
426. You, come here. Yes, you. Come here.Copy !req
427. Don't be frightened. Just come here.Copy !req
428. - ID cards.
- Yes, Tony.Copy !req
429. Let's see.Copy !req
430. "Garner, Gerald. 141 pounds. Age, 11."Copy !req
431. Now, I'm sure you didn't have
anything to do with this, did you?Copy !req
432. Well...Copy !req
433. But I bet you might be able
to tell me who did.Copy !req
434. Anyone who brings candy
into this camp is not your friend.Copy !req
435. He is a destroyer.Copy !req
436. Do you understand that, Gerald Garner?Copy !req
437. Do you? I'm sure your father,Copy !req
438. Maury Garner, wouldn't wanna hear
that his son is a destroyer.Copy !req
439. Would he? I don't think so.Copy !req
440. Enough. All right. I'll tell you
whose candy it is, Uncle Tony.Copy !req
441. Let the man speak.
The candy belongs to Seymour Butts.Copy !req
442. Seymour Butts? Seymour Butts?
Who's Seymour Butts?Copy !req
443. Who's Seymour Butts?Copy !req
444. Nobody's seen more butts
than you, Uncle Tony!Copy !req
445. You picked
the wrong man to mess with.Copy !req
446. I didn't know I was messing with a man.Copy !req
447. We have a comedian.Copy !req
448. Hey, I like comedians.Copy !req
449. Perhaps I can book you on a tour.Copy !req
450. You're the man, Josh!Copy !req
451. Good morning, campers.
Joshua Burnbalm is no longer with us.Copy !req
452. His bed is now available.Copy !req
453. Josh is all right, isn't he?Copy !req
454. Man, I hope so, wherever he is.Copy !req
455. Sam, hear about Josh?Copy !req
456. Sorry to hear about
your little friend Josh.Copy !req
457. Gerry, I found out the truth about Josh.Copy !req
458. I heard that they kicked him out,Copy !req
459. and his parents were so mad
they wouldn't let him come home.Copy !req
460. They left him at a bus stop
all alone at midnight.Copy !req
461. He's... Well, he's dead.Copy !req
462. He pulled a knife on Tony,Copy !req
463. and now they've got him locked up
in a juvenile delinquent center.Copy !req
464. Now he's living in the park in
New York with a guy who has no legs.Copy !req
465. - No way!
- I'm just tellin' you what I heard.Copy !req
466. Dear Grandma,
someone once said "War is hell. "Copy !req
467. They've never been to fat camp.Copy !req
468. I knew the food would be bad,Copy !req
469. but even worse,Copy !req
470. today he killed the Blob.Copy !req
471. As for the go-karts,
may they rest in pieces.Copy !req
472. I'm writing you because
nobody else seemed to care.Copy !req
473. I did not send you to go-kart camp.Copy !req
474. Attention, campers. Lunch has been
canceled today due to lack of hustle.Copy !req
475. Deal with it.Copy !req
476. Tony Perkis
tries to lead by example.Copy !req
477. This is the 18th level
of the PerkiSystem.Copy !req
478. You'll all be doing this by Labor Day.Copy !req
479. - All right, do it to it, Lars.
- It's my honor, Tony.Copy !req
480. Crazy!
But we're afraid to follow.Copy !req
481. I know each and every one of you
because I was you.Copy !req
482. Once a day,Copy !req
483. the kids from Camp MVP drive by
and make fun of us.Copy !req
484. You stink! You stink! You stink!
You stink! You stink!Copy !req
485. At night,
they vandalize our camp.Copy !req
486. At least Josh got out,
where there's food.Copy !req
487. We have to resort
to more desperate measures.Copy !req
488. Let's get her!Copy !req
489. I want meat!Copy !req
490. Tony's arranged a dance
with the girls' camp,Copy !req
491. so he can humiliate us
into losing weight.Copy !req
492. Pray for me, Grandma. Love, Gerry.Copy !req
493. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y nightCopy !req
494. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y nightCopy !req
495. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y nightCopy !req
496. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y nightCopy !req
497. Keep on dancin' to the rock and rollCopy !req
498. On Saturday night, Saturday nightCopy !req
499. Dancin' to the rhythm
with our heart and soulCopy !req
500. On Saturday night, Saturday nightCopy !req
501. Let's just get outta here.Copy !req
502. We can't, man.
They're guardin' the door.Copy !req
503. Rock and roll.Copy !req
504. Look at this. Sugar-free punch.
This bites!Copy !req
505. How much more of this are they gonna
subject us to before we can leave?Copy !req
506. Why don't those guys just lose weight?Copy !req
507. Why don't you show 'em how
to throw up after meals like you do?Copy !req
508. - Shut up!
- You shut up.Copy !req
509. You guys, stop it.Copy !req
510. Team Jerkis strikes again?Copy !req
511. Do you think he could have possibly
planned for it to be this bad?Copy !req
512. Yes.Copy !req
513. I have some friends in child welfare.Copy !req
514. Tony must be doing
something illegal around here.Copy !req
515. Maybe I should give 'em a call.Copy !req
516. - Great!
- This really bites!Copy !req
517. Would you like to have
some of this punch?Copy !req
518. Yeah. Thanks.Copy !req
519. Did you catch Lars' outfit?Copy !req
520. Yo, check this out.Copy !req
521. - Jeez, she's comin' over.
- I think she's looking at me.Copy !req
522. Do you know where the bathroom is?Copy !req
523. That was brutal.Copy !req
524. Well, they're young, you know.Copy !req
525. Still afraid of girls. Poor guys.Copy !req
526. So, do you wanna dance?Copy !req
527. No. I have a bad sprained...Copy !req
528. Excuse me. Tim?Copy !req
529. Okay.Copy !req
530. This has got to end.Copy !req
531. Excuse me, guys.Copy !req
532. I'm just a love machine
And I won't work for nobody but youCopy !req
533. I'm just a love machineCopy !req
534. Tim's blown a microchip!Copy !req
535. Tim! Tim!Copy !req
536. - What are you doing?
- Saving the dance. Come on.Copy !req
537. We'll start dancing,Copy !req
538. the girls will see
how much fun we're having,Copy !req
539. and then everyone will join in.Copy !req
540. That's weird, Tim.Copy !req
541. Maybe it is, Reverend No Fun,
but I am saving the dance.Copy !req
542. Stand back and watch the magic!Copy !req
543. I'm just a love machine
And I won't work for nobody but youCopy !req
544. I'm just a love machine
A huggin', kissin' fiendCopy !req
545. Come on, guys, come on!Copy !req
546. If they see how much fun
we're havin', they'll join in.Copy !req
547. - It'll be contagious.
- It's called boogie fever. Catch it!Copy !req
548. Let's give it a shot.Copy !req
549. Maybe we should go out there.
It's just dancing.Copy !req
550. Okay. I guess I can stand this song.Copy !req
551. - Yeah.
- Yes!Copy !req
552. Excuse me.
May I have the pleasure of this dance?Copy !req
553. Yes, you may.Copy !req
554. Take a look into my fileCopy !req
555. I am sure you can find out how
To turn me on just set my dialCopy !req
556. And let me love you for a little whileCopy !req
557. I'm just a love machine
And I won't work for nobody but youCopy !req
558. I'm just a love machine
A huggin', kissin' fiendCopy !req
559. All right, dance is over.Copy !req
560. Everybody go home.Copy !req
561. Thank you for coming, ladies.
Buses are waiting over there.Copy !req
562. Thank you. Appreciate your efforts.Copy !req
563. I know this hasn't been easy.Copy !req
564. Put the fruit trays away.Copy !req
565. The insects will be out soon.Copy !req
566. Hey. How 'bout a ride outta here?Copy !req
567. Did this place always stink this much?Copy !req
568. No, Gerry.Copy !req
569. This place used to stink very little.Copy !req
570. In fact,Copy !req
571. it didn't stink at all.Copy !req
572. Yeah, well, it does now.Copy !req
573. I thought at least
I'd be able to ride the go-karts.Copy !req
574. I've never ridden one.Copy !req
575. You really like 'em, huh?Copy !req
576. I'm so slow.Copy !req
577. It would've been cool to go fast.Copy !req
578. Really fly, you know?Copy !req
579. Just thought I'd be good at it.Copy !req
580. Really?Copy !req
581. That's interesting.Copy !req
582. So, you think you'd be able to handle
those hairpin turns?Copy !req
583. - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
584. Think you'd be able to handle
that powerful engine?Copy !req
585. - Yeah!
- Let's see what you got, Garner!Copy !req
586. So how did you learn
how to drive go-karts?Copy !req
587. Mowed a lot of lawns, Gerry.
Avoid the obstacles. Short turn!Copy !req
588. - Come on, faster!
- Faster? Faster.Copy !req
589. Yeah, no problem.Copy !req
590. - How are you on your jumps?
- These things jump?Copy !req
591. Jump? They fly, buddy. They fly.
Watch out for that oil slick!Copy !req
592. That was fun. Let's do it again.Copy !req
593. 'Yes!Copy !req
594. - Soon as I catch my breath.
- All right.Copy !req
595. - Maybe next summer.
- Come on, Pat.Copy !req
596. Josh?Copy !req
597. Josh? It's Josh.Copy !req
598. Josh is back! Josh!Copy !req
599. - Josh, man, good to see you!
- I knew you were okay.Copy !req
600. Wait a second. Josh? What's wrong?
What'd they do to you?Copy !req
601. Josh. Speak to me.Copy !req
602. Were you in jail? The nut house?Copy !req
603. Josh, it's me, Gerry!Copy !req
604. Gerry!Copy !req
605. Funny, Josh. But, really,
what happened, man? Talk to us.Copy !req
606. Josh was bad.Copy !req
607. Oh, man. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
608. Josh now good.Copy !req
609. Good? What do you mean?Copy !req
610. Must beCopy !req
611. good to see my big ass again!Copy !req
612. I liked you better with the lobotomy.Copy !req
613. - Josh, what really happened?
- Perkis sent me home without a refund.Copy !req
614. However, my dad's a lawyer.Copy !req
615. He calls up Perkis, threatens to sue,Copy !req
616. and Perkis caved like
the Buffalo Bills in a Super Bowl.Copy !req
617. All right!Copy !req
618. Hey, Josh. How long you been shavin'?Copy !req
619. A couple of years.Copy !req
620. What was it like on the outside?Copy !req
621. It was incredible.Copy !req
622. First I went to the Sizzler.Copy !req
623. Got that all-you-can-eat meal.
I closed the place.Copy !req
624. How're we fixed
for supplies on this end?Copy !req
625. Perkis wiped us out. There isn't a
gummy bear left in this entire camp.Copy !req
626. I am doggin' it this mornin'.Copy !req
627. Come on, T. Now let's do it up.Copy !req
628. Start me up.Copy !req
629. Come on. Hurry up, guys.
We don't have all day.Copy !req
630. Looks pretty sturdy, guys.Copy !req
631. - Hurry up, man.
- I'm tryin'.Copy !req
632. Okay. Roy, you're up first.
Give it a shot, man.Copy !req
633. Simms, you're my lookout man.Copy !req
634. Give me a boost.Copy !req
635. Gerry, you check this room out.Copy !req
636. Roy and Nicholas, you guys
come with me. Be quiet about it.Copy !req
637. The candy's gotta be
in here somewhere.Copy !req
638. I'll find the candy.Copy !req
639. Where's the sweets?Copy !req
640. - Over here.
- What've you got?Copy !req
641. Come on, you devil log!Copy !req
642. - Hurry up.
- All right, all right.Copy !req
643. "Perkisize with Tony?"Copy !req
644. That's me!Copy !req
645. I'm skinny!Copy !req
646. Come on, Josh, come on!Copy !req
647. - I'm trying.
- If you can't get it, we need to leave.Copy !req
648. Thanks, captain.Copy !req
649. I'm doggin' it, Pat. I'm doggin' it.Copy !req
650. Letters.Copy !req
651. You guys, these are our letters home.Copy !req
652. No way. This guy is sick.Copy !req
653. This is a letter I wrote my grandma!Copy !req
654. - Pack it up, guys. Let's move!
- Oh, no! We're dead!Copy !req
655. He's coming. He's coming. He's coming!Copy !req
656. Roy, the picture. Josh, the drawers.Copy !req
657. - Where do the whites go? Help me.
- Right here.Copy !req
658. Wait a second. Where's Nicholas?Copy !req
659. - You guys go. I'll get him.
- All right. Let's move it, Roy.Copy !req
660. Nicky! Nicholas!Copy !req
661. What are you doing? He's coming!Copy !req
662. Get down.Copy !req
663. Gerry, come on!Copy !req
664. - I didn't mean to.
- Just go.Copy !req
665. - Coast clear?
- That was close.Copy !req
666. Clear.Copy !req
667. We did it.Copy !req
668. Hey, man, you really showed some
guts out there, cappy. I'm impressed.Copy !req
669. And one of those
fish and chips farts, Nicky?Copy !req
670. - I said my deepest apologies...
- Wait.Copy !req
671. - Wrapper.
- What?Copy !req
672. Wrapper. Food wrapper. Come on.Copy !req
673. Who's in there? What have you got?Copy !req
674. Nothing. No one. Just go away.Copy !req
675. Where'd you get that?
- I found it.Copy !req
676. You "found it."
Come here, you little putz!Copy !req
677. - Tell us!
- All right. Okay. I'll tell you.Copy !req
678. Gotta keep it a secret, okay?Copy !req
679. I know a guy
who's tough but sweetCopy !req
680. He's so fine he can't be beatCopy !req
681. He's got everything that I desireCopy !req
682. Sets the summer sun on fireCopy !req
683. I want candyCopy !req
684. Go to see him
when the sun goes downCopy !req
685. Ain't no finer boy in townCopy !req
686. I want candyCopy !req
687. I want candyCopy !req
688. Okay, everyone. Here we go.Copy !req
689. I'm not rolling yet.Copy !req
690. - Are you rolling now, Kenneth?
- Speed.Copy !req
691. - Does that mean rolling?
- Yes, it does.Copy !req
692. Okay, everyone, clap your hands.Copy !req
693. Well, we've reached the midpoint
of our great experiment.Copy !req
694. Parents' day is just around the corner,Copy !req
695. and I think they're gonna be
very, very pleased.Copy !req
696. Remember to wear your name tags.
I don't think they'll recognize you.Copy !req
697. Okay, now it's time to see
what the PerkiSystem meansCopy !req
698. in pure loss of poundage.Copy !req
699. This is the moment
we've all been waiting for.Copy !req
700. - Phillip Rubinoff. Step up, son.
- Yeah!Copy !req
701. All right, let's see how you're doin',
you little whippersnapper.Copy !req
702. Okay. You're two pounds heavier
than when you came to camp.Copy !req
703. But we can fix that.Copy !req
704. All we have to do
is decrease his food intakeCopy !req
705. and increase his metabolic output.Copy !req
706. All right, step off the scale, son.
Muscle weighs more than fat.Copy !req
707. All right! Okay.Copy !req
708. Gerald Garner. Step on up, Gerald.Copy !req
709. - Good luck.
- Go get 'em, captain.Copy !req
710. Hello, Gerald. Moment of truth.Copy !req
711. You've gained nine pounds.
Have you been cheating?Copy !req
712. Turn off the camera.
Let me make something very clear.Copy !req
713. The PerkiSystem does not work with
cheaters like Gerald Garner. Okay?Copy !req
714. How can I sell
an infomercial about fat kidsCopy !req
715. who can't keep
their piggy little snouts shut?Copy !req
716. Who's gonna buy that?
Step off the scale.Copy !req
717. Okay, turn on the camera.Copy !req
718. - Josh Burnbalm, step on up.
- All righty.Copy !req
719. Get on the scale, son. All right.Copy !req
720. Get off the scale.Copy !req
721. Turn off the camera. All right.Copy !req
722. All right, fine, fine. I blame myself.Copy !req
723. You know what? I don't blame myself.
No, not this time, Tony.Copy !req
724. Excuse me one second.Copy !req
725. "HOW ya doin', little Tony?"Copy !req
726. "Bad."Why do you feel bad?"Copy !req
727. "Because everything's falling apart
and I can't do anything about it."Copy !req
728. "it's not your fault."
"I know it's not my fault."Copy !req
729. "Whose fault is it if it's not my fault?"Copy !req
730. "it's their fault."
"That's right, it's their fault."Copy !req
731. It's their fault, it's their fault!Copy !req
732. You have failed and you will pay!Copy !req
733. Tomorrow morning at 0600, everyone
who has not met their weight-loss goalCopy !req
734. will join me on a 20-mile hike.Copy !req
735. - What?
- Pack light, boys. The party's over.Copy !req
736. 20 miles? Tony...Copy !req
737. Tony, sir, with all due respect, I don't
think it's healthy to subject...Copy !req
738. Healthy? Healthy!Copy !req
739. The fat man is gonna tell me
what's healthy!Copy !req
740. - Look, I'm just saying that...
- You... You just...Copy !req
741. - I think to subject the kids...
- it's funny.Copy !req
742. Nobody really cares
what you have to say.Copy !req
743. You're a negativity spreader.Copy !req
744. You're contaminating my well,
Finley, and I won't have it.Copy !req
745. Let's make the best of this afternoon.Copy !req
746. Forget it, Pat.Copy !req
747. Hey.Copy !req
748. They're having a barbecue
over at Camp MVP tonight.Copy !req
749. Carolina ribs. The pork, not the beef.Copy !req
750. I wonder what it'd feel like
to be one of those guys.Copy !req
751. Just once I wanna score
a winning touchdown.Copy !req
752. Do you know, in my entire life
I've never scored a point in anything?Copy !req
753. Gerry...Copy !req
754. I'm just so tired of being the fat guy.Copy !req
755. I know, Pat. But you don't wanna be
one of those guys.Copy !req
756. They're jerks.Copy !req
757. - Forget 'em!
- Yeah, forget 'em.Copy !req
758. Yeah. Forget you!Copy !req
759. You can keep your washboard
stomachs and your oily muscles!Copy !req
760. I don't want 'em!Copy !req
761. I'm still tired of being the fat guy.Copy !req
762. Come on, Pat, you're cool.
Everybody knows that.Copy !req
763. You know, I feel cool.Copy !req
764. Being humiliated by that psycho today
was pretty cool.Copy !req
765. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I've been a lot of help to you guys.Copy !req
766. Hey, at least you stood up to him.Copy !req
767. Nobody else had the guts to.Copy !req
768. We should've backed you up.Copy !req
769. Pat, when are we gonna
start stickin' up for ourselves?Copy !req
770. Now, Gerry. How 'bout right now?Copy !req
771. Yeah. Let's go get everybody
and kick his ass!Copy !req
772. Yeah! Hold it!
Whoa, whoa! Gerry, hold it.Copy !req
773. We gotta be smart here.Copy !req
774. There are some proper channels
you have to go through.Copy !req
775. You gotta get those guys
through the hike tomorrow, right?Copy !req
776. I'll do everything I can back here.
You be the leader now, captain!Copy !req
777. He is one, we are many!Copy !req
778. His days are numbered.Copy !req
779. - He's not so tough!
- Yeah!Copy !req
780. This is the day when
we separate the men from the boys.Copy !req
781. High-tail it back to camp, Lars.
It's gonna be a rough one.Copy !req
782. Now I don't wanna see any slackers
or hear any whiners.Copy !req
783. There'll be no food.
This is a cleansing hike.Copy !req
784. Just Father Sky, Mother Earth
and your dear old Uncle Tony.Copy !req
785. Use the swatting motion.
It's an isometric exercise.Copy !req
786. These dogs are killin' me!Copy !req
787. - Josh, somebody gonna die today.
- Call 911.Copy !req
788. Did you ever hear the story of IcarusCopy !req
789. who continually rolled
the ball up the hill?Copy !req
790. But when he got too close, the ball
melted in the heat of the sun.Copy !req
791. You're all like Icarus.Copy !req
792. Thank you, Gerry.Copy !req
793. Cody! Get up, Cody, get up!Copy !req
794. Leave him. He's a straggler.Copy !req
795. Stragglers must be left
to fend for themselves. I was.Copy !req
796. Get up. We need to go. Get up.Copy !req
797. Did you talk to the people
at child welfare?Copy !req
798. Yeah, they said they'd be glad
to come out and investigate,Copy !req
799. but they can't come for two weeks.Copy !req
800. That's too long.
Tim, what did your lawyer buddy say?Copy !req
801. He thinks it's dicey.
We don't have any hard evidence.Copy !req
802. Evidence? Tony's the hard evidence.
Just take one look at him.Copy !req
803. - It's what the lawyer said.
- So basically we have nothing.Copy !req
804. Basically.Copy !req
805. Hey, YOU guys seen Tony?Copy !req
806. That moron owes me 600 bucks.
I'm gonna kill that guy.Copy !req
807. Feel the chi.Copy !req
808. Repulse the monkey.Copy !req
809. Part the wild horse's mane.Copy !req
810. Hey. I say we push him.Copy !req
811. There's no jury in the world
that could convict us.Copy !req
812. No. Too messy. We can do better.Copy !req
813. Great! Well, you've all done
much better than expected,Copy !req
814. so I've got a little surprise for you.Copy !req
815. I've decided to extend
the hike indefinitely.Copy !req
816. That's right. You won't return to camp
until you're in the leanest, meanest,Copy !req
817. bestest shape of your short lives.Copy !req
818. With one goal in mind, to defeat
Camp MVP in the Apache Relay.Copy !req
819. Quite the ending
to a late-night infomercial.Copy !req
820. We don't wanna play MVP.
We wanna have fun.Copy !req
821. Cody wants to have fun!
All right, Cody, let's have some fun.Copy !req
822. Oh, my...Copy !req
823. I'm on the top of the world! Yeah!Copy !req
824. How's this for fun, Cody?Copy !req
825. Sam, why don't you
come out and join me?Copy !req
826. Oh, yeah. I'm on my way.Copy !req
827. He's gonna get us killed!
We gotta do somethin' about this.Copy !req
828. - Yeah, man, but what?
- What's that? I missed it.Copy !req
829. I was just saying we need a little rest.Copy !req
830. Yeah.Copy !req
831. Good idea.
Let's take an hour meditation break.Copy !req
832. Then we're gonna climb
that 1,000-foot rock face over thereCopy !req
833. with our bare hands and feet.Copy !req
834. I know you can do it.
Until then, observe the silence of the chi.Copy !req
835. Cripes. Hey, what is all the commotion?Copy !req
836. Well, we realize we've been lazy,
and we wanna change.Copy !req
837. It's time we all got
our acts together, buddy.Copy !req
838. Good! Good!Copy !req
839. Amazing what food deprivation
can do to adjust your attitude.Copy !req
840. - Can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead, Roy, ask away.Copy !req
841. Is it possible to do a sit-up
if you can't see or hear?Copy !req
842. Yes, Roy, it is possible.Copy !req
843. Well, Gerry says it's impossible.Copy !req
844. Well, why don't we rock Gerry's world?Copy !req
845. Come on.Copy !req
846. Uncle Tony's gonna do a little demo.Copy !req
847. There are so many myths
about the abdominal muscles.Copy !req
848. - I'm happy to put this one to rest.
- See, Gerry? I told you.Copy !req
849. Don't get up till the count of three.Copy !req
850. - Yes, yes, I know the rules.
- Okay, good.Copy !req
851. All right, everyone, ready?
One, two, three!Copy !req
852. - Kiss my butt!
- Oh, my!Copy !req
853. Oh, my!Copy !req
854. - Pretty impressive stuff, huh, Tony?
- You disgust me!Copy !req
855. Come here! Come here!
Get outta my way!Copy !req
856. What are we waitin' for? Run!Copy !req
857. Halt!Copy !req
858. Halt!Copy !req
859. My hamstring.Copy !req
860. Congratulations.Copy !req
861. You just joined the 76% of Americans
who forget to stretchCopy !req
862. before physical activity.Copy !req
863. Gentlemen, we've reached
the point of no return.Copy !req
864. The problem is
Kenny wants a lot of money.Copy !req
865. - How much?
- More than they pay counselors.Copy !req
866. - Why don't we have a bake sale?
- Gerry, what're you doin' back?Copy !req
867. - We've been so worried about you.
- You okay?Copy !req
868. - I'm fine, I'm fine.
Good.Copy !req
869. We're still working
on a plan to get rid of Tony.Copy !req
870. - Wait till you hear what we got.
- That's great, guys.Copy !req
871. But we came up with a plan of our own.Copy !req
872. - That is so cute!
- Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
873. Come with me.Copy !req
874. I have got a bad feeling.Copy !req
875. Just try to stay open-minded.Copy !req
876. - Password, please?
- Yankee doodles.Copy !req
877. Good God!Copy !req
878. - This is unbelievable!
- So what was your plan?Copy !req
879. - What do you think you're doing?
- Taking over the camp.Copy !req
880. Good God!
This is insane!Copy !req
881. - This is great!
- Pat, you know what? He snapped.Copy !req
882. He was swinging from a branch. He was
gonna make us climb a mountain.Copy !req
883. You can't kidnap him.
They give people the chair for this.Copy !req
884. - It was self-defense.
- I believe you.Copy !req
885. This is gonna end right now.
Out of my way, Simms.Copy !req
886. Yankee doodles.Copy !req
887. Tony, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
888. Look, I'll untie you right away.Copy !req
889. Thank you.Copy !req
890. When this is over, I'm gonna deliver
one well-placed kick to your groinCopy !req
891. that will stop you from ever having
children, you worthless piece of...Copy !req
892. Are these ropes tight enough?
We can get more.Copy !req
893. You know,
I was gonna help you out, but now...Copy !req
894. I'm gonna have to take you down.Copy !req
895. I always wanted to say that to somebody.Copy !req
896. Looks like we're gonna
have to play this thing out.Copy !req
897. There might be a way out,
but if we're gonna succeed,Copy !req
898. we're all gonna have to
stick together, work as a team.Copy !req
899. I'll see you all in hell!Copy !req
900. With all the bears in these woods, Lars,Copy !req
901. I doubt that you'll be seein'
much of anything.Copy !req
902. - Bears love honey!
- Honey?Copy !req
903. Chipmunks, move out!
Lars, have a nice summer.Copy !req
904. I didn't mean it.Copy !req
905. I'm sorry.Copy !req
906. I hate you. You're awful!Copy !req
907. Please help me! I have candy.Copy !req
908. Candy.Copy !req
909. Good boy. You've come to free me.Copy !req
910. - Think we're goin' a little too far?
- There are no bears in these woods.Copy !req
911. No bears, huh?Copy !req
912. Help me! Don't you have any decency?
Help me!Copy !req
913. - It's a little deer.
- Mr. Deer, I'm a vegetarian.Copy !req
914. Wake up, Tony.
Tonight is evaluation night.Copy !req
915. The key word here is "value".Copy !req
916. Do you have any?Copy !req
917. No way, because you're a loser!Copy !req
918. A loser with a skinny Wiener.Copy !req
919. So relax and repeat after me.Copy !req
920. I am a loser. I smell. I have no friends.Copy !req
921. - Now breathe and relax.
- Please shut that off!Copy !req
922. Whoa!Copy !req
923. Wow!Copy !req
924. Party!Copy !req
925. Oh, my gosh! Is that Tim?Copy !req
926. He looks like a human s'more.Copy !req
927. Look at that food.Copy !req
928. I should get down there.Copy !req
929. No, Pat, don't go.Copy !req
930. Stay here with me.Copy !req
931. Shut up.Copy !req
932. Hey, Lars, guess what?
We're in charge now.Copy !req
933. You know what we found out?Copy !req
934. If you don't have a job, you get deported.Copy !req
935. So, Lars, buddy, pal,
you with us or are you against us?Copy !req
936. I am with you.Copy !req
937. I love you.Copy !req
938. - I thought they were on diets.
- They're cheatin'.Copy !req
939. Good God, can anybody hear me?Copy !req
940. Time to wake up, children.Copy !req
941. Good morning!Copy !req
942. What lesson did we learn here?Copy !req
943. Don't put Twinkies on your pizza.Copy !req
944. No. I think what we learned here is
something about personal responsibility.Copy !req
945. From now on, each of us is gonna be
in charge of their own diets.Copy !req
946. We all have to learn some self-control.Copy !req
947. Isn't that right? Tim?Copy !req
948. You got it. I'm ashamed of all of you.Copy !req
949. Come on!Copy !req
950. We gotta get healthy for ourselves.Copy !req
951. If we start respectin' ourselves,
no one can touch us.Copy !req
952. That's right. You heard me right.
We're as good as anybody.Copy !req
953. It's time we started ac:tin' that way.Copy !req
954. Take control of ourselves
before we take control of the camp.Copy !req
955. So, who's with me?Copy !req
956. Who wants to do this thing right?Copy !req
957. It's up to you.Copy !req
958. - Okay, everybody ready?
- Yeah!Copy !req
959. Let's go!Copy !req
960. Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?Copy !req
961. - Fruit.
- That's right.Copy !req
962. So today we're going to make
our own pasta primavera.Copy !req
963. There he is. There he is!Copy !req
964. Hey, big guy, look at you. Look at you!Copy !req
965. - You look the same.
- Well, I feel good.Copy !req
966. Well, that's important too.Copy !req
967. - So?
- Come with me.Copy !req
968. - I'll take you around.
- He hasn't lost a pound.Copy !req
969. Oh, Maury.Copy !req
970. Don't be frightened, Nicholas.Copy !req
971. I'm a beaten man.Copy !req
972. Good afternoon, everyone.Copy !req
973. Good afternoon. I'm Pat Finley.Copy !req
974. You probably recognize me
from my work in the Camp Hope video.Copy !req
975. Well, right now
I'd like to play another videoCopy !req
976. to show you people just what
it's been like so far this summer.Copy !req
977. Enjoy.Copy !req
978. As a health care professional,Copy !req
979. I would like to warn you
that Tony Perkis' programCopy !req
980. is not only ineffective,
it's also downright dangerous.Copy !req
981. Everywhere I go I'm lateCopy !req
982. Everywhere I go I'm lateCopy !req
983. My grandma runs faster than you,
and she's only got one leg!Copy !req
984. - Say it again. It'll multiply.
- Forty push-ups?Copy !req
985. - No, 60! Down now! 80!
- I can't...Copy !req
986. - He is strict.
- TONY: 100!Copy !req
987. Kiss the ground, joker boy.Copy !req
988. - Get your foot off my back, please.
- Shut up.Copy !req
989. You see what we've been dealing with.Copy !req
990. Why didn't you tell us about this?Copy !req
991. You've been a good guard, Nicholas.
Strong and fair.Copy !req
992. Your queen would be proud.Copy !req
993. I'd like to reward you
with this chocolate kiss.Copy !req
994. Where have you been all my life?Copy !req
995. I'm gonna love this!Copy !req
996. Oh, my God. I think I'm gonna be sick.Copy !req
997. - Nice touch.
- I thought I'd spice it up a little.Copy !req
998. Gives you that warm feeling inside.Copy !req
999. - Throw it over.
- But it would smush.Copy !req
1000. That wouldn't be good.Copy !req
1001. No dinner, no lunch, no breakfast.Copy !req
1002. How does that grab you?Copy !req
1003. Take the candy.Copy !req
1004. Nice, chocolaty, chocolicious.Copy !req
1005. Butterfingers.Copy !req
1006. Well, well, well.Copy !req
1007. Looks like London Bridge
is falling down, huh?Copy !req
1008. Help!Copy !req
1009. - How do you like the food here?
- it's great.Copy !req
1010. Wait till I finish the question.
Say "I love the food."Copy !req
1011. - I love the food.
- Okay, good, here we go.Copy !req
1012. - How do you like the food?
- I love the food!Copy !req
1013. Wait till I finish the question! Forget it!Copy !req
1014. If he isn't stopped right away,
somebody's child,Copy !req
1015. maybe yours, will be hurt.Copy !req
1016. Oh, yes!Copy !req
1017. That was wonderful!Copy !req
1018. Whoo!Copy !req
1019. So entertaining!Copy !req
1020. The cinematography,
the editing techniques.Copy !req
1021. Though I must say,
the villain was a bit over the top.Copy !req
1022. Ouch.Copy !req
1023. Everyone having fun?Copy !req
1024. Parents, you're the cause of all my...Copy !req
1025. Their problems!Copy !req
1026. He escaped!Copy !req
1027. British butterball! I oughta show you
what it means to be an American.Copy !req
1028. Now you realize what we've been
dealing with.Copy !req
1029. He has to be stopped!Copy !req
1030. Stop me?Copy !req
1031. May I?Copy !req
1032. I'm too strong!Copy !req
1033. I'm too motivated!Copy !req
1034. And you're too weak!Copy !req
1035. Especially you, Garner, Gerald.Copy !req
1036. Age 11, 141 pounds.Copy !req
1037. You want a piece of me, Pops?Copy !req
1038. 'Cause no one's
taking this camp away from me!Copy !req
1039. I'm afraid you're wrong.
You are through here.Copy !req
1040. - Are you okay?
- I'm all right.Copy !req
1041. You see, you have to take a stand.Copy !req
1042. We did it, Roy.
- Yes, we did.Copy !req
1043. Sorry you have to deal with this,
Mr. Perkis.Copy !req
1044. That kid was always a little off.
My parents didn't hug me.Copy !req
1045. I don't freak out like a little baby.Copy !req
1046. I'm gonna take a bath on this.Copy !req
1047. Everybody, don't freak out.
Don't call your lawyers.Copy !req
1048. We'll get you your money back.
We make nice, everybody's happy.Copy !req
1049. For now, we close down the camp.
Everybody go home.Copy !req
1050. Have a nice summer.
I gotta get outta here.Copy !req
1051. I got a thing. So good luck to all of you.Copy !req
1052. - Mr. Perkis, sir?
- Papa.Copy !req
1053. Papa, we don't wanna go home.
We wanna stay here.Copy !req
1054. You kids wanna stay here, stick it out,Copy !req
1055. I need to put an adult in charge
on the clause for the insurance.Copy !req
1056. So if anybody wants to do it...Copy !req
1057. Who's been here the longest?Copy !req
1058. - Four years.
- One year.Copy !req
1059. - Two.
- Four.Copy !req
1060. - Three.
- Five.Copy !req
1061. Eighteen years.Copy !req
1062. Eighteen? Eighteen years.Copy !req
1063. What the hell have you
been doin' with yourself?Copy !req
1064. Are you up to it?Copy !req
1065. - Pat. Pat.
Pat! Pat! Pat!Copy !req
1066. - I could sure try.
- All right.Copy !req
1067. Yeah, okay. Congratulations.Copy !req
1068. Here you go. Do the hokey-pokey.Copy !req
1069. Knock yourself out. I'm toast.Copy !req
1070. - All right, Pat!
- Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.Copy !req
1071. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
1072. GERRY'. Dear Grandma.Copy !req
1073. Things have really
turned around at camp.Copy !req
1074. We're finally having a great time.Copy !req
1075. We're in control, and we like it.Copy !req
1076. We're putting things back
to the way they were.Copy !req
1077. And no one is gonna mess it up again.Copy !req
1078. Hey, Chris?Copy !req
1079. Where's the motor, man?Copy !req
1080. With Pat in charge,
we are united and we are strong.Copy !req
1081. Got that wrench, Phillip? Thank you.Copy !req
1082. - Josh, how we doin'?
- We got a bent axle over here.Copy !req
1083. We can do anything, even take on
Camp MVP in the Apache Relay.Copy !req
1084. And we can win, I think.Copy !req
1085. Welcome, everybody,Copy !req
1086. to the 33rd annual
Apache Relay games.Copy !req
1087. The favorites, Camp MVP, versus
the perennial losers, Camp Hope.Copy !req
1088. This relay today
will consist of three parts,Copy !req
1089. the obstacle course,
the hall of intelligenceCopy !req
1090. and the grand prix.Copy !req
1091. May the best team win.Copy !req
1092. Cody, just give it your best shot.
Give me those glasses.Copy !req
1093. On your mark. Get set.Copy !req
1094. Looks like an MVP
romp again, folks.Copy !req
1095. Here, take it!Copy !req
1096. You got it. Keep goin'.Copy !req
1097. You got it, man. Yeah. You almost got it.Copy !req
1098. Ready?Copy !req
1099. Yeah!Copy !req
1100. Give me the balloon!Copy !req
1101. You thought
we were gonna get creamed.Copy !req
1102. I don't think you're gonna
get creamed ridin' this.Copy !req
1103. Whoa!Copy !req
1104. Did a little work on the motor.Copy !req
1105. Whoa!Copy !req
1106. I think you better take that feather off.Copy !req
1107. I don't think it's gonna fit under this.Copy !req
1108. Camp MVP is setting a course recordCopy !req
1109. as they move
into the hall of intelligence.Copy !req
1110. - Solve the equation.
- Fifty-five.Copy !req
1111. - No.
- Seventeen?Copy !req
1112. - Nein.
- Nine is the answer?Copy !req
1113. No! Nein is German for no.Copy !req
1114. - Artist and title, please.
- Cher?Copy !req
1115. No.Copy !req
1116. Solve the equation.Copy !req
1117. - Eleven.
- Wunderbar. You may advance.Copy !req
1118. You must name
five American vice presidents.Copy !req
1119. Quayle.Copy !req
1120. - George Washington.
- No.Copy !req
1121. - Quayle.
- You said that already.Copy !req
1122. Cher?Copy !req
1123. Da Vinci's Mona Lisa.Copy !req
1124. Van Gogh's Houses at Auvers.Copy !req
1125. Botticelli's La Primavera.Copy !req
1126. Camp Hope has almost
caught up with Camp MVP.Copy !req
1127. Can you believe it?
This is gonna be quite some finish.Copy !req
1128. Right is gas. Left is brake.Copy !req
1129. - Alexander Haig?
- Sorry.Copy !req
1130. - Caught you.
- Shut up.Copy !req
1131. Nicholas, name five
American vice presidents.Copy !req
1132. Levi P. Morton, John Calhoun,Copy !req
1133. Hubert Humphrey,
Spiro Agnew, Walter Mondale.Copy !req
1134. That's perfect. You may advance.Copy !req
1135. You Americans have no sense of history.Copy !req
1136. Accelerate into the turns.Copy !req
1137. Use your weight. Lean into them.Copy !req
1138. Be careful. This guy drives dirty.Copy !req
1139. - Thanks, Pat.
- Go get 'em.Copy !req
1140. Nicholas!Copy !req
1141. Come on.Copy !req
1142. I don't wanna put
any pressure on you, big guy,Copy !req
1143. but we have never lost this race,
all right?Copy !req
1144. Don't forget your wings, man.Copy !req
1145. Take 'em down, captain.Copy !req
1146. Yeah!Copy !req
1147. Back off!Copy !req
1148. So long, sucker!Copy !req
1149. Shoo“Copy !req
1150. Come on!Copy !req
1151. Go Gerry!
They're comin', they're comin'.Copy !req
1152. Come on!Copy !req
1153. He's still behind.Copy !req
1154. He can't pass.Copy !req
1155. - Come on!
- No way.Copy !req
1156. Come on, captain! Come on, baby!Copy !req
1157. - I flew, Pat, I flew!
- I know! I know!Copy !req
1158. Hip-hip-hooray! Hip-hip-hooray!Copy !req
1159. Hip-hip-hooray!Copy !req
1160. Finley, you'll be happy to know
that we're filing a formal protest.Copy !req
1161. - That cup belongs to us.
- The cup?Copy !req
1162. This is what you want?
This is what your life is all about, Chris?Copy !req
1163. I'll tell you what. I'll airmail it
back to camp for you, all right?Copy !req
1164. Take care of that, Simms.Copy !req
1165. - You're crazy!
- You bet I'm crazy.Copy !req
1166. Crazy about my gal.Copy !req
1167. Hey, Pat, thanks for
the best damn summer of my life.Copy !req
1168. Same here, captain.Copy !req
1169. All right, guys, let's sing
the inspiring Camp Hope song!Copy !req
1170. Come on! Here we go!Copy !req
1171. Camp Hope, Camp Hope,
we sing to theeCopy !req
1172. The greatest camp in historyCopy !req
1173. A place for boys...Copy !req
1174. Tim, that sounds boring.
Sing something cool.Copy !req
1175. Wanna hear something cool?
Okay, cats. Let's rock it.Copy !req
1176. Camp HopeCopy !req
1177. Camp Hope, Camp Hope,
the place for boysCopy !req
1178. We got no girls, we got no toysCopy !req
1179. The bunks are hard, the cabins hotCopy !req
1180. BOY 1'. Last night
a snake crawled in my cotCopy !req
1181. BOY 2'. Make sure
the shower door is shutCopy !req
1182. BOY '5'. Or else
mosquitoes bite your buttCopy !req
1183. BOY 4'. And don't swim past
in your friend's wakeCopy !req
1184. ALL". Or you will waterslide in the lakeCopy !req
1185. Now you're getting the hang of it.
Come on!Copy !req
1186. Camp Hope,
Camp Hope, please give us foodCopy !req
1187. We're starved and in a rotten moodCopy !req
1188. But still we're hanging with our friends
so we hope summer never endsCopy !req
1189. All right! Sounds good.
Here we go!Copy !req
1190. Here's a tip
that you should tryCopy !req
1191. If people laugh when you walk byCopy !req
1192. Just walk right up and proudly stateCopy !req
1193. Back off, Jack, I'm a heavyweightCopy !req
1194. Back off, Jack,
we're all heavyweightsCopy !req
1195. All right, guys!
Hey, look who's here!Copy !req
1196. My name is PatCopy !req
1197. And I'm Nurse JulieCopy !req
1198. You know I'm TimCopy !req
1199. And I am
Kenny the cameramanCopy !req
1200. Stop that stupid song.Copy !req
1201. You call that music?Copy !req
1202. I know you think
you're all rock starsCopy !req
1203. But here's an oompah song from LarsCopy !req
1204. About my favorite Camp Hope jobCopy !req
1205. The day that I harpooned the BlobCopy !req
1206. And just to make it very clearCopy !req
1207. I was not scared of that big deerCopy !req
1208. And although Tony is not here,
I still enjoy Camp HopeCopy !req
1209. Thanks, Lars. That's great.Copy !req
1210. All right, guys.
Are you ready to take it home?Copy !req
1211. Let's rock!Copy !req
1212. Camp Hope,
Camp Hope, we all had funCopy !req
1213. And now our time is almost doneCopy !req
1214. But we'll come back again next year
because our friends will all be hereCopy !req
1215. Here's a tip that you should try
If people laugh when you walk byCopy !req
1216. Just walk right up
and proudly stateCopy !req
1217. Back off, JackCopy !req
1218. I'm a heavyweight!Copy !req
1219. Guys, that sounds great!Copy !req
1220. We got a bunch of heavyweights here?Copy !req
1221. Are you guys heavyweights?Copy !req
1222. I said are you guys heavyweights?Copy !req
1223. - Gerry, are you a heavyweight?
Yeah!Copy !req
1224. The rest of you guys,
are you heavyweights?Copy !req
1225. Yeah!Copy !req
1226. Are we all heavyweights?Copy !req
1227. Pat, are you a heavyweight?
Nurse Julie, are you a heavyweight?Copy !req
1228. Lars, are you a heavyweight?Copy !req
1229. Kenny the cameraman,
are you a heavyweight?Copy !req
1230. We're all heavyweights!Copy !req
1231. Lars, are you gonna
come back next year?Copy !req
1232. I don't know, Tim.
I live very far away.Copy !req
1233. We'll fly you in.Copy !req
1234. Kenny the cameraman,
can you make it back?Copy !req
1235. I might be able
to work something out.Copy !req
1236. What do you say, guys?
Does Camp Hope rule?Copy !req
1237. Did you hurt yourself on the Blob?Copy !req
1238. Yeah. I tore my rotator cuff.Copy !req
1239. Good afternoon.Copy !req
1240. I know what you're thinking,
"Another guy hawking healing crystals."Copy !req
1241. I don't call them crystals.Copy !req
1242. I call them transformational facilitators.Copy !req
1243. Perhaps...Copy !req