Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)

Directed by Michel Lemire • Michael Coldewey

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Michael Ironside as Tyler (voice) • Julie Strain as Julie (voice) • Billy Idol as Odin (voice) • Pier Paquette as Germain St-Germain • Sonja Ball as Kerrie • Brady Moffatt as Lambert • Rick Jones as Zeek

Upon discovery of a shard of what could be the Loc-Nar, a miner named Tyler becomes possessed with an insatiable hunger for power and a thirst for immortality. On his way to the planet of youth, Tyler wipes out most of a space colony and kidnaps a be...

Canada • Germany • Adventure • Fantasy • Animation • Action • Science Fiction

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1. Long ago, the Arakacians ruled the galaxies.

2. Horror and devastation lay in their wake.

3. The source of their terrifying power

4. lay within a chamber on planet Uroboris.

5. The waters it contained held the promise of everlasting life.

6. The chamber could only be opened with a single key

7. which, if ever found,

8. would guide its bearer back to the fountainhead of immortality.

9. However, the key would drive all who touched it insane.

10. When the Arakacians were finally defeated, the chamber was locked

11. and the key, cast out deep into space.

12. It has never been found

13. until now.

14. Come on.

15. Give it up, why don't you.

16. Damn. Not again.

17. I can't wait to get those new matter munchers.

18. I've had just about enough of these cheap heads.

19. Hey, Tyler, major find here.

20. What is it?

21. I don't know.

22. Careful, it could be a Class 4 biohazard.

23. What is that thing?

24. What's it doing?

25. It's weird.

26. Tyler.

27. What's going on?

28. Are you okay?

29. Should I call for a containment crew?

30. Tyler.

31. No, no, please. What are you doing?

32. The guardian has revealed himself. The key has been found.

33. Odin, tell us. Is the day of the great darkness at hand?

34. Yes. It is written in the Old Books. The coming back time has begun.

35. Evil will descend upon us.

36. We must prepare to defend the chamber.

37. Sanders, sector 3.

38. We're still waiting for their preliminary core samples.

39. What? How long have they been down there?

40. Over 12 hours. They must be going nuts.

41. Weird. System checks out, but no response. Deadsville.

42. Send someone down there. I want to know what's going on.

43. I need a big ship to get somewhere.

44. What the hell do you think you're doing? Security. To the bridge.

45. Any other stupid questions?

46. You, fat boy. Name and duties.

47. - Lambert, sir. Navigation's Officer. - Drive.

48. Germain St. Germain.

49. When I want your name, shit brain, I'll ask for it.

50. Take over engineering.

51. Plot a course for BR-549, sector 7.

52. And somebody better get rid of this garbage.

53. Oh, and by the way...

54. you have 20 seconds to get us out of here.

55. Hi.

56. What are you still doing here?

57. I know. I'm going to be late for school.

58. Where's Dad?

59. He's at the council meeting. I thought you were supposed to go.

60. Oh, shit.

61. Do you believe any of that immortality crap?

62. I mean, think about it. A stupid key?

63. Yeah, call him a liar and see what happens.

64. Listen, this guy's getting weirder by the day.

65. Imagine in 10 years? Hell, 100.

66. You've got a point.

67. I am getting sick of it. Going all over the bloody place.

68. Looking for a stupid compound.

69. Shh.

70. - What have you got? - A FAKK 2 planet, sir.

71. Death to all carbon-based life forms.

72. Federation Assigned Kitogenic Killzone to the second level.

73. Which means, uh, it's a dead planet.

74. Scan it anyway.

75. I don't get it.

76. There's life out there.

77. The FAKK 2 must have been from an old registry.

78. I want a bio-scan for compound H2O-471.

79. There are small traces in their systems.

80. Yeah. Immortality all over the place.

81. You.

82. Just remember, you're not immortal yet.

83. What's this place called?

84. Eden, sir.

85. Welcome to paradise.

86. And our irrigation program is already showing promise.

87. Agro-production is up 5% in the last six months.

88. Phase two of our expansion project,

89. the development of the Noma Valley will begin in three weeks as scheduled.

90. Things look good, ladies and gentlemen. Our future is bright.

91. Help Kerrie. I'll get our air defenses up.

92. Be careful. I'll see you up there.

93. Quickly. This way.

94. Kerrie!

95. Julie.

96. Father!

97. Looks like the boys got a little trigger-happy.

98. When making an omelet, one breaks a few eggs.

99. Here, let me help you.

100. They attacked.

101. - You okay? - We never had a chance.

102. Hey, look at this. A live one.

103. Leave her alone.

104. Get off of me. Let me go.

105. Feisty and sexy.

106. Careful, boys, this one's a keeper.

107. Pack them up.

108. Yes, sir. Splitsville, boys. We're moving out.

109. Hey. Hey.

110. Hey, wait for me.

111. - Lover boy, you're on your own. - What?

112. You can't just leave me here like this.

113. Whoa! Wait a minute, man.

114. Like the sign says, a dead planet.

115. This won't hurt. It's just a DNA test.

116. The good stuff comes later.

117. Start with the others, doc.

118. - This one's special. - But of course.

119. What I need is in your system.

120. Not enough to make you immortal

121. but it probably keeps your people beautiful and healthy. Especially you.

122. I'll save you for last.

123. And if you're lucky, my dear, and play your cards right,

124. we'll spend a lot of quality time together.

125. Perfect. I knew you wouldn't disappoint me.

126. Clean her up.

127. And I don't have to remind your kind,

128. she's mine.

129. Why?

130. Oh, man, I should have been a cook.

131. Try this for an appetizer.

132. I didn't do anything. I swear.

133. You're one of them.

134. No. I mean, I was, but I ran away. I didn't kill anybody.

135. Who did this?

136. He took over our ship and forced us to come here.

137. - Who? - His name's Tyler.

138. Why did he attack?

139. He's nuts. He thinks he can live forever.

140. Where did he go? You've got one second.

141. One.

142. Wait. Wait. I'll take you to him.

143. - Where? - Do we have a deal?

144. - How long to fix this Spacehawk? - Two hours, max. I'm almost there.

145. You dropped your wrench. Aren't you going to pick it up?

146. Yeah.

147. What did I do, huh?

148. I am a genius.

149. Doc, this had better work.

150. I like the hint of lemon.

151. I'm so glad.

152. Yes.

153. So where are we going?

154. Uh... He said he needed to get to a jump port.

155. Computer, set coordinates for the closest spaceport

156. that can handle a class C vessel.

157. Searching. Searching.

158. Confirmed. Neo Calcutta. Course set.

159. ETA 93.7 hours.

160. So, what's your name?

161. Listen. Don't talk, don't touch, don't even breathe,

162. - or I kill you. Got it? - I got it.

163. Request incoming docking coordinates.

164. Please continue holding pattern.

165. Lock in approach at ANUS-6370.

166. - Confirmed. - State the purpose of your visit.

167. - Revenge. - Processing.

168. Invalid entry. Resubmit.

169. - Family business. - Confirmed.

170. Forty-eight-hour access.

171. Visa file number URFUKD-881.

172. Please submit identity.

173. FAKK 2.

174. Confirmed. Cleared for docking.

175. Whoa.

176. All right.

177. Ew.

178. You like this place?

179. Ugh. Looks like a lot of your type.

180. Well, I mean, after four days stuck in a Spacehawk getting the cold shoulder,

181. it's not so bad. We could have a lot of fun here.

182. What are you, socially deprived?

183. I'm not socially deprived. Well, maybe a little.

184. But I mean—

185. "Sit down. What are you looking at? You snore.

186. Get out of my face. Shut the fuck up."

187. Hey, this is heaven compared to where I come from.

188. Shut the fuck up.

189. Are you sure this guy Tyler is looking for a jump port? And to where?

190. We're talking high-grade, silicone-rubber flesh here.

191. And a PVC skeleton with plastic ball and socket joints for optimum movement.

192. You can customize her with a choice of seven synthetic hair dyes.

193. And optional entry ports with four speeds of suction.

194. Lovable, isn't she?

195. Well...

196. Check this out.

197. She's loaded with the latest micro-sensor orgasmatronic technology

198. and an expandable vocabulary of over 200 dirty words.

199. Test results indicate she's better than the real thing.

200. Go on, Venus. Show the gentleman what you got.

201. Please select your sexual preference.

202. Vaginal. Anal. Oral. Other.

203. Only 2,000.

204. I don't know. Two thousand, huh?

205. Unless, of course, you'd prefer the Fellation Blowfish.

206. Sick, twisted, low-life, scum-sucking pig.

207. At least I'll have someone to talk to.

208. Oh, no.

209. What?

210. That's him. The tall one.

211. - Let's go. - I'll wait here.

212. But he'll see me.

213. - You don't know what he's like. - Yeah, right.

214. Chickenshit.

215. Baby.

216. Whoa!

217. God, this is fun.

218. Nobody touches these...

219. but me.

220. Bar towel.

221. Yes! Oh, God!

222. Hello? Captain Tyler, Metal Mammoth Mining.

223. We need some drinks.

224. We should make it fast. We don't want to miss the jump.

225. Screw the jump.

226. But...

227. I've got all the time in the world.

228. - Besides, something just came up. - But...

229. You just found the man of your dreams.

230. When you kill someone, darling, make sure he's dead.

231. What the hell?

232. Well...

233. Looks like happy hour is over.

234. - Hey. Who's gonna pay for all of this? - This ought to take care of it.

235. Here. Keep the change.

236. What? Holy shit.

237. Grenades!

238. Julie?

239. Julie?

240. Julie. Are you all right?

241. He died. And then he was alive again.

242. Now you know.

243. I don't know dick. How does he do it?

244. He's got this weird potion.

245. And a key leading him to some Chamber of Immortality.

246. Why didn't you tell me that before?

247. "Sit down. Get out of my face. Shut the fuck up."

248. Okay. Okay.

249. So if I take away his potion, he'll stay dead, right?

250. If you can get close enough.

251. That's him, isn't it?

252. Son of a bitch, he's getting away!

253. What more could the universe want in a tyrant?

254. Perfect body, perfect mind.

255. - Irresistible charm. - Perfect psycho.

256. Psycho? Time to come out and play.

257. Don't even think about it.

258. The hyperspace jump. There's always something.

259. I'll make it up to you later, sweetheart.

260. Let me out of here, you bastard.

261. Oh, yeah. This is fun. Oh, yeah, this is good.

262. Oh, yeah, I'm having a good time.

263. Cortez to Jump Control. Set lock-in for Uroboris.

264. No pre-set lock-in. Set coordinates.

265. Quadrant 9, sector 4013, in the Terackian system.

266. Scanning location.

267. Warning. No return jump port.

268. Please confirm lock-in.

269. - Confirmed. - But...

270. It'll take us forever to get back.

271. That won't be a problem, once we get there.

272. No.

273. We'll never make it. This thing's a death trap.

274. - It's gotten us this far. - This far is nowhere.

275. Spacehawk in hyperspace equals death.

276. Stow the bag.

277. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Jesus!

278. - Are you nuts? - I'm not going to lose him now.

279. You can't just piggyback their jump.

280. - A tractor beam. Are you insane? - We're going to rip to—

281. What the hell is that?

282. We've got company.

283. Excuse me, "company"? What do you mean "company"?

284. See that blip? It's like somebody hitched onto our jump.

285. That could change our trajectory. I want them dead. Now. Take them down.

286. I've never heard of anyone firing on a ship in hyperspace.

287. Do you have a better idea?

288. - Do it. Now. - Oh, man, that's suicide.

289. We lost them all. They're toast.

290. Send the bomber.

291. But...

292. One more word, and I'll send you.

293. Oh, shit.

294. We're hit. I knew it. I knew it.

295. This is all your fault.

296. Do something.

297. Ooh.

298. The tunnel's breaking up.

299. We're not going to make it!

300. Oh, yes. Do it. Do it.

301. I sense the key is here.

302. For the moment, it is best if Zeek and I assess the threat alone.

303. My ampoules.

304. No.

305. Oh, I'm afraid it's down to you.

306. No. Please.

307. Lambert, damage report.

308. Lambert, I want a damage report.

309. Lambert.

310. Don't worry, I'm fine.

311. Yeah? Like I give a shit.

312. What's the status on the double D-40s and munitions?

313. We found a wheel.

314. Personnel?

315. Seventy—

316. Seventy-eight percent dead or missing.

317. Life scan?

318. There's a town, looks like it's about 10 or 12 miles north of here.

319. Flight status?

320. You've got to be kidding.

321. Gather the weapons, what's left of my men,

322. shoot the injured. We're moving on.

323. - Yes. - Germain?

324. Was it good for you?

325. I'll start you off like this.

326. The next step, in three or four days, depending on your production,

327. will be the body tank.

328. You're sick.

329. I'm a sick genius.

330. I can't breathe.

331. Get off my face.

332. What are you?

333. I'm Zeek, what are you?

334. You're so soft.

335. I'm harder than you think, little stone man.

336. Please, you must not touch my master Odin's property.

337. He's left me with the responsibility to guard it.

338. Relax, your thing is safe with me. Where is your master?

339. I am Odin.

340. Please excuse my little friend. He takes his duties very seriously.

341. - What are you called? - FAKK Julie.

342. Julie, soft. Very soft.

343. You're not from our world, are you?

344. Hardly. What is this place?

345. Uroboris. Some call it home. Others call it hell.

346. My master says you come from the sky.

347. Do you have it? Do you have the key?

348. I don't know anything about a key.

349. I crashed here trying to kill a madman who won't die.

350. I did see two fireballs.

351. The other was headed in the direction of a city called Shantaar.

352. It's not far from here. We'll take you there.

353. Yeah. So please, come with us.

354. Tell me more about this madman.

355. Bastard named Tyler, killed everyone I ever cared about.

356. Our legends say that whoever carries the key becomes insane.

357. That's him all right.

358. I'm sorry. I sense your sadness.

359. It's hard to be the last of your people.

360. Not much of an army. But it's a start.

361. Look. The ugliest one seems to be sitting in my chair.

362. Hey, you, ugly.

363. Yeah?

364. Your mother is a Hectarian whore's handbag.

365. Molten lava? We have to cross this?

366. Yes, Shantaar lies on the other side.

367. - I hate this place. - How are we going to cross?

368. I am Chartog, guardian of the Red River.

369. I know the way across,

370. and I will tell you.

371. You just have to...

372. kiss me.

373. No way.

374. What's the matter, my precious?

375. Don't you find me attractive?

376. If this is what it takes to kill Tyler.

377. That's a good girl. Help your friends.

378. It will be over soon.

379. Who will I have to kiss to get back?

380. Hey, what are you doing?

381. We're waiting for you.

382. Son of a bitch. Kiss this.

383. Your people have strange customs.

384. Hmm. Tell me about it.

385. Mortality sucks, immortality sucks.

386. Everything sucks.

387. Oh, shit.

388. This really sucks.

389. Is he the one you search for?

390. Oh, yeah.

391. Yeah. Come on, Tyler.

392. Yes! Yes!

393. - Shit. - I'm your new leader. Me. Yeah.

394. Oh, now we're up the creek.

395. When you kill someone...

396. make sure they're dead.

397. Yo, baby.

398. I am Tyler. Your new lord.

399. Yeah!

400. Oh, yes.

401. Yes.

402. Blind adulation makes me so horny.

403. Bring me a wench.

404. Master, he's the one with the key, isn't he?

405. Yes.

406. And he's far too powerful for us to deal with alone.

407. Leave that to me.

408. Julie, you are too impulsive. Please, think about this.

409. - Think about what? - The key.

410. - You don't understand. - You worry about the key.

411. Tyler's mine.

412. She is letting her thirst for revenge rule her mind.

413. Yes.

414. A little retro, but hey.

415. Where'd they find you? Hmm?

416. I hear you're very special. I've come a long way to meet you.

417. - You're not a robot, are you? - Why don't you find out for yourself?

418. God, I could say I've died and gone to heaven,

419. but that wouldn't be true.

420. Which part, the dying or the heaven?

421. You.

422. I know I'm irresistible, but what do you want?

423. I want you...

424. and what you have.

425. There's a price to pay for immortality,

426. and the universe is going to pick up the tab.

427. How original.

428. Every king must have a queen.

429. Do you want me?

430. Take a wild guess.

431. Forever?

432. Shut up.

433. Not this time.

434. Bitch.

435. Time to die.

436. Die.

437. What are you doing?

438. - Stop. - I can't. The master told me.

439. Stupid rock. You stupid rock.

440. What does it take to get laid around here?

441. I had him. Ten more seconds and he was dead.

442. We thought you were in trouble.

443. Julie, it's too late.

444. It's not just about you and Tyler.

445. What Tyler seeks lies within the walls of the Holylands.

446. He will come, and we will all be judged.

447. What do you mean you can't find them?

448. How do you lose a six-foot bitch with a talking rock? Huh?

449. How do you do that?

450. - We looked everywhere. - You idiots.

451. Gather the troops.

452. So this is it, huh?

453. I could sure use a drink and a little social give and take.

454. Yeah.

455. Well, there goes that idea.

456. Zeek.

457. Can we stop for a moment? I'm not as young as I once was.

458. I'll see what lies beyond.

459. Eden...

460. Eden was beautiful.

461. Then he destroyed it.

462. Master, come see.

463. It's time for the next phase.

464. Don't. Please.

465. In five minutes, you will lose all senses.

466. It will seem like a very peaceful dying.

467. What? We have company.

468. What have they done?

469. - Kerrie. - Julie!

470. I don't appreciate being disturbed.

471. Do you like this?

472. You shouldn't have done that.

473. Die!

474. Now I'm really upset.

475. I am worried, Master. The soft one has been inside too long.

476. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

477. I know where you are.

478. I can smell you.

479. Help me.

480. - Kerrie, what about the others? - They're all dead.

481. Come on. Hang on to me.

482. It's okay.

483. Nearly there.

484. Hurry, run.

485. Hey. Isn't that where we crashed?

486. My ampoules. No.

487. I've had it up to here with that bitch.

488. When I find her, I'll make her immortal so I can screw her and kill her

489. every hour of every day for all eternity.

490. We march on the Holyland now.

491. Where the key goes, horror follows.

492. All in the sacred name of immortality.

493. Why us?

494. Do your ancient books not teach you about the Arakacians?

495. We have no ancient books.

496. They were destroyed so our people could live in peace

497. without the memory of past evil.

498. To forget history is to allow evil to rise again, Julie.

499. More sinister and ruthless than ever.

500. - Is Tyler an Arakacian? - He is not.

501. Many centuries ago,

502. the Arakacians discovered an ancient tear in the fabric of the universe

503. from which flowed a liquid capable of bestowing immortality.

504. They enslaved my ancestors

505. and forced them to build a chamber in the Holylands

506. to contain this unnatural power.

507. And so it was that the Arakacians ruled in infamy

508. until my people were able to lock the chamber

509. and cast the key deep into space.

510. Without their life-giving waters, the Arakacians became mortal

511. and we were finally able to defeat them.

512. But now Tyler has the key.

513. Yes. The key which holds the promise of immortality

514. but also renders its bearer insane.

515. Such is the curse.

516. The promise of immortality? He's already invincible.

517. No. He is not.

518. The key is guiding him to the everlasting waters,

519. but he has yet to reach them.

520. Why did he have to destroy Eden?

521. The Arakacians also occupied your colony

522. and stored some of the liquid there as they ravaged the universe.

523. Over time, it seeped into the earth.

524. Your people absorbed traces of it into their systems.

525. Which Tyler distilled from their bodies.

526. Yes.

527. Not enough to render him immortal,

528. but now he has the strength to reach the chamber.

529. A whole people destroyed because of the lust for power of one man.

530. It has happened before, Julie. It will happen again.

531. Not with Tyler.

532. Welcome back, Master Odin!

533. - Odin, the key? Is it here? - I'm afraid so.

534. As we speak,

535. the carrier and the vile scum of Shantaar descend upon our city.

536. We have done all we can to prepare. We will fight to the death.

537. You.

538. You know each other?

539. He tried to save me at the school.

540. It was nothing.

541. And where did you meet?

542. We're sisters.

543. Whoa! Sisters.

544. - The elders have been killed. - The elders have been killed.

545. - There's a traitor among us. - Warn the others.

546. There it is.

547. The Chamber of Immortality that holds the everlasting waters.

548. The last one.

549. Everybody fight. Come on.

550. Come on. Come on.

551. Okay. This is going to suck.

552. Help me.

553. No.

554. You fool.

555. That was my last one.

556. No, no. Please!

557. Tyler.

558. - Aw, thank you, soft one. - Anytime.

559. Hey, asshole.

560. You again.

561. Did you miss me?

562. You always hurt the ones you love.

563. Like this?

564. Hold that pose. I'll be right back.

565. It's mine. It's all mine.

566. Bring it on, bitch. You're really starting to piss me off.

567. You are not worthy of the Holy Waters.

568. Not today.

569. Remember this on your way to hell.

570. FAKK 2.

571. The insanity has to end now.

572. Now, we must destroy the key.

573. Perhaps not.

574. Why?

575. Because I am Arakacian.

576. My charade fooled the insufferable Holylanders.

577. And even that little stone idiot.

578. What makes you think a pathetic mortal could stop me?

579. You fools.

580. You fools.

581. I must fulfill my destiny.

582. No!

583. No!

584. Zeek.

585. Stop!

586. - You must. - Zeek, I command you.

587. Goodbye, soft one. I'll never forget you.

588. No!

589. Stop!

590. No!

591. Julie.

592. It's over.

593. Whoa! Hey.

594. - Let me help you. - Oh, no. He survived.

595. Are you okay?

596. What does it look like, you dickhead?

597. Eternity is a long time to spend alone.

598. What are you talking about?

599. Does this mean we're gonna be immortal?

600. Because if that's true, you know...

601. Listen, I'm going to be around for a long time.

602. Hey, who took the key?

603. Hey, does this mean we're friends now?

604. Because I've been putting up with a lot of your crap, so...

605. I think it's payback time. Come on, you know you love me.

606. Come on.

607. And so the key to the Chamber of Immortality

608. was once again cast out into the silent gulfs of space

609. with a new stone protector to guard it against evil.