- 1. A shadow shall fall
over the universe...
- 2. and evil will grow in its path...
- 3. and death will come
from the skies.
- 4. What did you bring me?
- 5. You'll see.
- 6. Wait. Wait for me.
- 7. What is it?
- 8. Do not try to escape.
- 9. You are in my control.
- 10. Look at me.
- 11. I am the sum of all evils.
- 12. Look carefully.
- 13. My power infests all times,
- 14. all dimensions.
- 15. But many still seek me out.
- 16. A green jewel they must possess.
- 17. But see how I destroy their lives.
- 18. Right 12 degrees.
- 19. Yeah, New York. Big deal.
- 20. Scum center of the world.
- 21. Now they're even talking about letting
in lowlifes from other planets too.
- 22. My name's Harry Canyon.
I drive a cab.
- 23. Hey, you free?
- 24. Yeah, get in.
- 25. - Where to, pal?
- The U.N. building.
- 26. The U.N. building.
- 27. What a joke. They turned it
into low-rent housing. It's a dump.
- 28. Okay, sucker, hand over your cash.
- 29. Now!
- 30. Stupid asshole.
- 31. Nobody touches Harry Canyon
unless I want them to.
- 32. Father!
- 33. Run!
- 34. He's dead. Get the girl.
- 35. Help me! Please!
- 36. Normally, my rule's
don't get involved.
- 37. But somehow, hey,
this dame got to me.
- 38. The Loc-Nar...
- 39. They— They wanted it, but my—
My father wouldn't tell them...
- 40. and now I'm the only one.
- 41. Hey, relax, sister,
there's a cop station up here.
- 42. You can tell them...
- 43. Oh, shit. Just what I needed.
- 44. - Police. What do you want?
- I wanna report a murder.
- 45. - What else is new?
- Hey, you gonna let me in or what?
- 46. Yeah, hang on.
- 47. Harry.
- 48. How you doing, Harry?
- 49. Hiya, Harry.
- 50. She couldn't take it, huh?
- 51. Hey, kiss my ass, will you?
- 52. I'll do it for 20 bucks.
- 53. I told you, I'm an American citizen.
I— I just lost my papers or something.
- 54. Goddamn illegal aliens.
- 55. Before you go any further, pal,
I gotta tell you, it's cash upfront.
- 56. Thousand bucks a day
for a full investigation...
- 57. another thou if the assailant
is caught. Understand?
- 58. Yeah. Hey, here's a dollar.
- 59. Thanks for nothing.
- 60. You think you can do better? Punk.
- 61. So here I was,
stuck with this beautiful girl.
- 62. I knew she was gonna be
nothing but trouble.
- 63. Where am I?
- 64. - My place.
- They'd have killed me if not for you.
- 65. What did they wanna
snuff you for anyway?
- 66. The Loc-Nar.
- 67. An ancient relic that my father found
in the desert.
- 68. It's worth a fortune,
especially to the Venusians.
- 69. They think it has spiritual powers.
- 70. Does it?
- 71. All I know is that since we found it,
people have been dying all around us.
- 72. When we got to New York,
my father hid it.
- 73. Now he's dead.
- 74. They'll kill me next. I'm the only one
who knows where it is. They'll...
- 75. Listen, nobody's gonna
find you here.
- 76. You can sleep on the couch
if you want.
- 77. And there's beer in the fridge.
- 78. So help yourself, all right?
- 79. I didn't know whether
to believe her or not.
- 80. Something inside me told me...
Was a sucker play.
- 81. Harry?
- 82. Can I sleep with you?
- 83. Yeah, sure.
- 84. Sucker play or not, I must have
turned her on something fierce...
- 85. because this dame
was going for broke.
- 86. Or maybe it was her first time
with a New Yorker, I don't know.
- 87. Anyway, nothing can beat
good old American know-how...
- 88. and I was giving this broad
the stars and stripes forever.
- 89. - Where's the girl?
- Where—? What—? What girl?
- 90. Don't play dumb with me, cabby.
You showed up at the station...
- 91. with a broad over your shoulder.
Where is she?
- 92. I don't know
what you're talking about.
- 93. Listen, cabbie,
you hear from her, you call us.
- 94. You don't, you're dead. Understand?
- 95. Don't hold your breath, pal.
- 96. - Where's the girl?
- Come on. Not again.
- 97. I wouldn't do that if I were you.
- 98. I'll get right to the point,
- 99. My name is Rudnick.
- 100. I represent a group of investors
from a nearby planet...
- 101. who wish to purchase something
from the young lady.
- 102. The price is fair, but they're
starting to get very restless.
- 103. When you see her,
tell her that time is running out.
- 104. Thank you, Mr. Canyon. Good day.
- 105. The burning smell kept reminding me
I shouldn't have got involved.
- 106. But for some reason,
I just couldn't get her off my mind.
- 107. There was something about her.
An element of danger.
- 108. It really turned me on.
- 109. Transcom Message Service.
- 110. Message for Harry Canyon.
Will you accept the charges?
- 111. Meet female acquaintance
at Statue of Liberty, 4:00.
- 112. Stop. End message.
- 113. The girl. Had to be her.
- 114. But first, I had to ditch
a couple assholes.
- 115. That's what all
the excitement's about?
- 116. I wanna get rid of it, Harry.
- 117. I want this to be over.
I talked to Rudnick.
- 118. He said he'd give me
300,000 Krono-dollars for it.
- 119. But— But I'm frightened.
I don't trust him.
- 120. Three hundred grand
is a lot of dough.
- 121. Will you help me?
- 122. When she looked at me like that...
- 123. I knew I couldn't say no.
- 124. I'll come along for 50 percent
of the take.
- 125. You can have anything you want.
- 126. Just stay with me.
- 127. There they are.
- 128. Okay. I'll keep you covered.
- 129. Hey, baby, we're rich.
- 130. What do you say we take a trip?
Hey, just the two of us.
- 131. I'd like to, Harry,
but I've made other plans.
- 132. I'm taking it all.
- 133. Pull over.
- 134. - Are you sure this is what you want?
- 135. Pretty, but dumb.
- 136. You know, even though she would've
killed me, I kind of felt sorry for her.
- 137. She was okay, just a little greedy.
- 138. As for me, I put it down as
a two-day ride with one hell of a tip.
- 139. You've had your first lesson,
- 140. My evil corrupts the most innocent.
- 141. I've chosen you
because you possess powers...
- 142. you do not yet understand.
- 143. Look again.
- 144. Look deep into me.
- 145. In some worlds,
I'm worshipped as God.
- 146. It all started when I found
the green meteorite.
- 147. I read in Faraday's Life of the Planets
that smaller ones like this...
- 148. are supposed to burn up
when they enter the atmosphere.
- 149. But for some reason,
this one didn't.
- 150. So I brought it to my room, stuck it in
my rock collection and forgot about it.
- 151. I was experimenting
with natural electricity...
- 152. and with the storm warnings up,
I figured tonight I'd hit the jackpot.
- 153. All I needed was a little juice.
- 154. It works!
- 155. No hair.
- 156. Big.
- 157. There was no way I was gonna
walk around this place...
- 158. with my dork hanging out.
- 159. This looked like something
right out of The Ten Commandments.
- 160. Ullatec
- 161. Ullatec
- 162. Ullatec
- 163. By the powers of the glowing Loc-Nar
placed in your idol's hand...
- 164. I demand you come forth, Ullatec!
- 165. Grant me your strength in return
for a living mortal sacrifice.
- 166. It has been ordained.
- 167. Come forth, Ullatec. I demand it.
- 168. What'd they do that for?
- 169. Normally, I'd be dead by now.
- 170. I kept thinking I was gonna run out
of air, but my new body worked great.
- 171. I just hoped her body was working
as good as mine.
- 172. Thank you.
- 173. She had the most beautiful eyes.
- 174. I wanted to make some conversation,
but I found my new self...
- 175. asking the same old
- 176. Are you from around here?
- 177. Well, you may not believe this,
but I'm from another world...
- 178. from a place called Earth.
- 179. Earth? I, too, am from Earth.
- 180. My name is Katherine Wells, and I'm
from the British colony of Gibraltar.
- 181. You saved my life.
- 182. I have no reward to give you...
- 183. but if any part of me
pleases your senses...
- 184. I would give it to you willingly.
- 185. This was great.
- 186. There was no way I'd get
a chick like this back on Earth.
- 187. There was only one problem.
- 188. Come.
- 189. I don't know
who these assholes were...
- 190. but they sure picked
a bad time to show up.
- 191. They split us up and took me
to this weird castle-type place.
- 192. I wanted to find out
where they'd taken Katherine...
- 193. but none of these guys
seemed to speak English.
- 194. They tell me you are Den of Earth.
- 195. The one who dared to steal
the female sacrifice from the queen.
- 196. This guy was a shrimp,
so I figured I'd play it tough.
- 197. Where is the girl?
- 198. I am Ard...
- 199. supreme leader of the revolution
and the next ruler of the world.
- 200. The girl!
- 201. Well, aren't we fierce?
- 202. Guards, castrate him.
- 203. Boy, I was pretty good at this stuff.
- 204. Excellent. You are worthy
to serve me.
- 205. Give me the girl or die.
- 206. - Well, if I have a choice, I'll take death.
- So be it.
- 207. You'll have to do better than that.
- 208. I could see why they made
this guy their leader.
- 209. But if you're really interested
in the girl...
- 210. I've had her encased in glass.
- 211. - She's dead.
- Actually, no. She's sleeping.
- 212. - But only I can awaken her.
- What do you want of me?
- 213. I want you to steal
the sacred Loc-Nar.
- 214. - What is this Loc-Nar?
- The queen's glowing sphere, fool.
- 215. The sacrifice to Ullatec
can only be performed...
- 216. by the possessor
of the sacred Loc-Nar.
- 217. Norl!
- 218. This is Norl, my bravest warrior.
- 219. You will go with him to the queen's
castle and steal the Loc-Nar.
- 220. - Then I will give you the girl.
- And if I refuse?
- 221. If you refuse, you die,
she dies, everybody dies.
- 222. Sounded reasonable to me.
- 223. Guard post ahead.
We must go underground.
- 224. This guy Norl seemed to know
what he was doing.
- 225. And for a gorilla,
his English wasn't half bad.
- 226. We're underneath the castle moat.
- 227. What are they saying?
- 228. They talk of the beast
who prowls these catacombs...
- 229. with a fierce hunger
and sharp teeth 6 inches long.
- 230. Sorry, 16 inches long.
- 231. Now we separate.
- 232. You and Korg take this door
into the queen's quarters.
- 233. The rest will move
through the walls...
- 234. and enter her chamber
from the other side.
- 235. Whoever gets the Loc-Nar first
will return it to Ard.
- 236. Good luck, Den.
- 237. Loc-Nar.
- 238. It was just like the ball
I dug up in the yard.
- 239. As I saw the Loc-Nar's glow,
I had this real funny feeling.
- 240. Then the lights came on.
Talk about embarrassing.
- 241. Kill them.
- 242. Can I slit his throat, Your Majesty?
- 243. Yes, slit his throat.
- 244. Thank you, Your Majesty.
- 245. Stop! I have... I have
something better in mind.
- 246. - Come with me.
- Jeez, not again.
- 247. This always happens.
- 248. She's the queen.
She can do whatever she wants.
- 249. - Yeah, sure.
- 250. If you please me, I may let you live.
- 251. - What must I do?
- Satisfy my appetites.
- 252. Eighteen years of nothing, and now
twice in one day. What a place.
- 253. The rising moon
climaxes our love, Den.
- 254. - It is a sign.
- Yes, a sign.
- 255. I had no idea
what she was talking about.
- 256. Neverwhere is a troubled land.
- 257. Your strength has brought great peace
to my restless body.
- 258. It could bring great peace to all
the troubled people of this land.
- 259. I knew I was good,
but I didn't know I was that good.
- 260. Your Majesty,
the Loc-Nar is missing! Stolen!
- 261. Fiend! You make love to me while
your accomplice steals my scepter.
- 262. Now Ard will perform the sacrifice.
- 263. Guards! Take him! Hold him still.
I will kill him myself.
- 264. Boy, was she pissed off.
- 265. Prepare the fliers! I want his head!
- 266. By the power of the magic Loc-Nar
placed in your hands...
- 267. I command you.
- 268. Come forth, Ullatec!
- 269. Here is your sacrifice.
- 270. Ullatec, now give me your power.
- 271. Throw her in.
- 272. - Katherine!
- 273. No! You'll ruin everything.
- 274. - Kill them! Kill them both!
- The Loc-Nar is mine!
- 275. - Stupid bitch. Get away from me.
- Give it to me.
- 276. - Give it to me.
- The Loc-Nar's mine.
- 277. Don't you take it.
- 278. I know what a Loc-Nar is.
It's my Loc-Nar.
- 279. - Where did they go?
- They're gone. That's all that matters.
- 280. They probably went back to Earth.
Boy, will Mom be surprised.
- 281. The Loc-Nar.
- 282. You could have the power of Ullatec.
You could be ruler of all these people.
- 283. Forget it.
- 284. But, Den, with the Loc-Nar,
you could've returned to Earth.
- 285. I like it better here.
- 286. On Earth, I'm nobody.
- 287. But here, I'm Den.
- 288. Even when someone has
the strength to discard me...
- 289. my power is not diminished.
- 290. Someone always finds me.
- 291. Are you Captain Lincoln F. Sternn?
- 292. I am.
- 293. Lincoln Sternn,
you stand here accused...
- 294. of 12 counts of murder
in the first degree...
- 295. 14 counts of armed theft
of Federation property...
- 296. 22 counts of piracy
in high space...
- 297. 18 counts of fraud...
- 298. 37 counts of rape...
- 299. and one moving violation.
- 300. How do you plead?
- 301. Not guilty.
- 302. Not guilty? Are you nuts?
- 303. It's okay, Charlie. I got an angle.
- 304. Call the first witness.
- 305. But the prosecutor's got you cold.
- 306. You're as guilty as a cat
in a goldfish bowl.
- 307. The prosecution calls
- 308. Calling Hanover Fiste.
- 309. - Hanover Fiste.
- Calling Hanover Fiste.
- 310. Listen, Sternn,
change the plea to guilty.
- 311. Throw yourself
on the mercy of the court.
- 312. I told you, Charlie, I got an angle.
- 313. But the most we can hope for
is to get you buried in secrecy...
- 314. so your grave don't get violated.
- 315. - Plead guilty.
- Shut up, Charlie.
- 316. I got an angle.
- 317. What angle?
- 318. Him.
- 319. State your name for the record.
- 320. I am Hanover Fiste.
- 321. You know the defendant,
- 322. Yes, I know Captain Sternn.
- 323. And never did there live a kinder,
more generous man.
- 324. I promised him 35,000 zuleks
to testify on my behalf.
- 325. He's an overflowing cup, filled with
the very cream of human goodness.
- 326. In all the time I've known him,
he's never done anything immoral.
- 327. See?
- 328. Unless maybe
the preschoolers' prostitute ring.
- 329. And he's never done
- 330. Unless you count all the times
he sold dope disguised as a nun.
- 331. He's always been a good,
- 332. Give me a break!
- 333. —of the Federation, and— And—
- 334. Shut up. Shut up!
- 335. —a community-conscious individual.
- 336. Sternn.
- 337. He's nothing but a low-down,
- 338. backstabbing, larcenous,
- 339. Hanging's too good for him.
- 340. Burning's too good for him.
- 341. - Hanover...
- He should be torn...
- 342. into little bitsy pieces
and buried alive!
- 343. Hanover...
- 344. I'll kill him. Kill!
- 345. Kill!
- 346. Hey, hey, Hanover, take it easy.
I'm sure we can talk this over.
- 347. Good.
- 348. Lost him.
- 349. Sternn!
- 350. Okay, Hanover,
you've had this coming.
- 351. Now, let's see.
- 352. Thirty-three, 34...
- 353. 35,000 zuleks.
- 354. Thanks, Hanover.
- 355. - It's nothing, boss.
- And, Hanover.
- 356. - Yes?
- 357. Very few escape my grasp.
- 358. Even in death, my powers continue.
- 359. Even in death, my powers continue.
- 360. Come on, Stefan. Drop the fuckers
and let's get the hell out of here.
- 361. We're hit pretty bad, Skip.
- 362. You'd better go back
and see how bad it is.
- 363. Okay.
- 364. - Can you keep her in the air, Skip?
- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
- 365. Nelson?
- 366. Jeez.
- 367. Skip, something's following us.
- 368. - What is it?
- It's some kind of green meteorite.
- 369. What? Where?
- 370. Holden, are you okay?
- 371. Yeah, yeah. I'm coming back, Skip.
- 372. What the hell's
happening back there?
- 373. Shit.
- 374. No. No!
- 375. No!
- 376. From one war to another,
my influence is always present.
- 377. The paltry armies of the universe
are but playthings to me.
- 378. Please, Dr. Anrak! Dr. Anrak!
- 379. Dr. Anrak, six more mutants were
sighted in Arizona this morning.
- 380. Do you still say this has nothing to do
with the green radiation from space?
- 381. Doctor, is it true that the president
pulled you off the Jupiter Six project...
- 382. so you could investigate
- 383. Doctor, answer me that, please.
- 384. Please, the green radiations
- 385. Well, what I wanna know is,
what's the Army doing about this?
- 386. Hell, my constituents
are turning green.
- 387. They're growing arms
on their backs.
- 388. There's something or someone
up there in space...
- 389. and voters have
a right to know about it.
- 390. Senator, we have no proof...
- 391. that these mutations are the result
of interference from outer space.
- 392. In fact, Dr. Anrak has just come in,
so let's hear what he has to say.
- 393. - Doctor?
- First of all, there's no cause for alarm.
- 394. As for the theories of interference
by alien beings...
- 395. it is my firm opinion
that we on Earth...
- 396. are the only intelligent,
technically advanced civilization...
- 397. present in the universe.
- 398. - Thank goodness.
- That's a relief.
- 399. I was scared for a while, you know.
- 400. Very reassuring, very reassuring.
- 401. And— And whatever is causing
- 402. is not from outer space.
- 403. It's more likely just an isolated
- 404. Pretty. Pretty.
- 405. What is this? Doctor!
- 406. Oh, nice job.
- 407. How am I gonna fix this guy?
- 408. Guess we turned it up
a little too high.
- 409. - Sorry, man.
- You're sorry. What about me?
- 410. I gotta put this asshole
- 411. - Where am I?
- Hey, who's the chick?
- 412. Look at my clothes.
- 413. Who's gonna pay
for the dry cleaning?
- 414. I demand you return me
to my office immediately.
- 415. Too late. Molecular—
- 416. all around the spacecraft.
You cannot leave.
- 417. What? Is he kidding?
- 418. Oh, yeah. Instability zone.
You're stuck here.
- 419. But I have to be at my parents'
for dinner tonight.
- 420. And my gynecologist appointment
is on Wednesday.
- 421. Not anymore.
Would you like a drink?
- 422. Come with me.
- 423. You'll feel better after a glass
of fresh blo-aak.
- 424. You have any diet soda?
- 425. Oh, typical robot.
- 426. The first Earth chick we see
in 10 years...
- 427. and he's gotta make a play for her.
- 428. Hey, do we have any of that
Plutonian nyborg left?
- 429. Yeah. Just one bag.
- 430. It's in the transmitter compartment.
- 431. Thanks, man.
- 432. Oh, great.
- 433. Think this is enough?
- 434. - No, go for broke.
- Good thinking, man.
- 435. - Nosedive!
- 436. Good nyborg.
- 437. That was incredible.
- 438. I've never felt anything like it.
- 439. Oh, great. I've been programmed to be
fully proficient in sexual activities.
- 440. - Do you want to go steady?
- Gee, I don't know.
- 441. I already have a boyfriend, but...
- 442. What he does not know
will not hurt him.
- 443. But I'd feel so guilty.
- 444. Of course you would.
- 445. Earth women who experience sexual
ecstasy with mechanical assistance...
- 446. always tend to feel guilty.
- 447. Really?
- 448. But I don't understand.
We laugh together...
- 449. care for each other.
We have highly proficient sex.
- 450. Why can't we get married?
- 451. Look, we're different, okay?
Let's leave it at that.
- 452. What do you mean, different?
- 453. But mixed marriages
just don't work.
- 454. I'm afraid that I'll come home one day
and find you screwing the toaster.
- 455. You'll just have to trust me.
- 456. All right, all right, I'll marry you.
But on one condition:
- 457. I want a Jewish wedding.
- 458. A Jewish wedding? Okay.
- 459. I forgot, are you circumcised?
- 460. You okay to land this thing?
- 461. No problem, man.
- 462. I think you're going
a little high, man.
- 463. It's okay, man.
- 464. If there's one thing I know,
it's how to drive when I'm stoned.
- 465. Like, you know
your perspective's fucked...
- 466. so you just gotta let your hands
work the controls as if you're straight.
- 467. Good landing, man.
- 468. My stories are almost over.
- 469. I have chosen you...
- 470. because you are the future
who could destroy me.
- 471. With your death,
I break the chain for all time.
- 472. Look into me one final time.
- 473. See my evil destroy your race.
- 474. Then prepare to die.
- 475. Death.
- 476. Death!
- 477. Death to all who oppose us!
- 478. To the council chambers!
- 479. They're killing everyone.
We must escape.
- 480. The city is burning.
- 481. Elder, we must arm ourselves.
- 482. We must fight.
- 483. Silence!
- 484. We are not a race of warriors.
- 485. We are statesmen and scientists.
- 486. From our very beginning,
it was ordained...
- 487. that the warrior race
of Taarak the Defender...
- 488. would aid us in times of need.
This was the pact.
- 489. Taarak the Defender?
His race is dead.
- 490. They cannot defend anyone.
- 491. Some say that the race is not dead,
that one still lives.
- 492. One? What good is one?
- 493. One of Taarak's blood can do much.
- 494. Elder, they're in the hall!
- 495. Well, who is this last Defender?
How can he be summoned?
- 496. It is Taarna, of the blood of Taarak
the Defender, the last of the race...
- 497. and must be summoned as my
forefathers summoned Taarak himself:
- 498. From within.
- 499. But will this Defender answer?
- 500. A Taarakian has no choice.
They must answer.
- 501. It is in their blood.
- 502. They're at the door.
- 503. They're here!
- 504. In the halls, quickly.
We must do something.
- 505. Bar the door.
- 506. We will summon
the Defender together.
- 507. Taarna.
- 508. Taarna.
- 509. Taarna.
- 510. Taarna.
- 511. Taarna.
- 512. To defend, this is the pact.
- 513. But when life loses its value
and is taken for naught...
- 514. then the pact is to avenge.
- 515. Hey, look. A new one.
- 516. Where you from, baby?
- 517. Doesn't talk much, does she?
- 518. She doesn't have to talk
for what I wanna do with her.
- 519. Come on, baby,
let's see what's under there.
- 520. Hey, she's tough.
- 521. Maybe she wants to fight.
- 522. Or maybe she wants
to take us all on.
- 523. You'll find them over there,
beyond the oasis...
- 524. towards the green glow.
- 525. A Taarakian.
We have captured a Taarakian.
- 526. A Taarakian?
- 527. Are you sure?
- 528. Yes, Your Holiness.
- 529. But the Taarakian race is dead...
- 530. extinct.
- 531. She has the marks, Holiness.
I saw them.
- 532. Have her bound and washed.
- 533. Then...
- 534. bring her to me.
- 535. And what of the bird?
- 536. Kill it.
- 537. So this is the Taarakian.
- 538. Somehow, I thought
it would be more difficult...
- 539. to capture a Taarakian.
- 540. My whips.
- 541. Pull him down.
I'll put an arrow through his head.
- 542. Mount the bats!
- 543. I want her dead!
- 544. This time you die, Taarakian bitch!
- 545. Taarna.
- 546. Do not sacrifice yourself.
- 547. You cannot destroy me.
- 548. No!
- 549. No!
- 550. No!
- 551. And the spirit of Taarna
is transferred across the universe...
- 552. to a new Defender...
- 553. and the power of evil
- 554. for another generation...
- 555. and a new Taarakian is born...
- 556. to protect the next.