1. Boy with ringlets.Copy !req
2. Man with tattoos.Copy !req
3. Girl on...Copy !req
4. a leash?Copy !req
5. Man, if my parents ever triedCopy !req
6. putting me in one
of those things,Copy !req
7. I'd trade them in.Copy !req
8. This kid looks like
she can roll over and fetch.Copy !req
9. I learn everything I canCopy !req
10. and I write down
everything I see.Copy !req
11. Golly says if I want
to be a writerCopy !req
12. then I'd better start now.Copy !req
13. Which is why I am a spy.Copy !req
14. Lady with a purse.Copy !req
15. Man with...Copy !req
16. her wallet.Copy !req
17. Oh, help!Copy !req
18. Please!Copy !req
19. Stop him!Copy !req
20. Stop him!Copy !req
21. QuackCopy !req
22. Quack, quackCopy !req
23. QuackCopy !req
24. Quack, quackCopy !req
25. And... done.Copy !req
26. What is it?Copy !req
27. It's Nanomichi.Copy !req
28. You know, the god
of storm and thunder.Copy !req
29. - Cool, huh?
- Okay, come on, hurry upCopy !req
30. before it dries.Copy !req
31. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
32. Okay, ready?Copy !req
33. Here, give me
your foot.Copy !req
34. The secret tattoo.Copy !req
35. My best friends Sport,
Janie and I thoughtCopy !req
36. we should be blood buddies.Copy !req
37. But this was so much
less painful.Copy !req
38. Just remember the rule.Copy !req
39. If anyone sees
the secret tattoo...Copy !req
40. swift and painful death.Copy !req
41. It's... starting.Copy !req
42. Here comes...Copy !req
43. nice Marion Hawthorne.Copy !req
44. It's happening.Copy !req
45. I can feel it happening.Copy !req
46. Good Lord.Copy !req
47. It's the dreaded
Hawthorne effect.Copy !req
48. Oh.Copy !req
49. Good morning, Janie, Simon...Copy !req
50. and Harriet.Copy !req
51. Harri... et!Copy !req
52. I got to get to class.Copy !req
53. See ya.Copy !req
54. See you guys in a few.Copy !req
55. Sixth grade.Copy !req
56. All the usual suspects
are back in action.Copy !req
57. First of all there's
Rachel Hennessy,Copy !req
58. Marion's second in command.Copy !req
59. The only thing more pathetic
than being Marion HawthorneCopy !req
60. is wanting to be
Marion Hawthorne.Copy !req
61. Pinky Whitehead,Copy !req
62. the human fish belly.Copy !req
63. If Janie's theory is right,
then Pinky's DNACopy !req
64. was combined with a pint
of vanilla yogurt at birth.Copy !req
65. Carrie Andrews thinks
she's cool...Copy !req
66. 'cause she spent her summer
vacation growing boobs.Copy !req
67. Laura Peters looks like
someone pinched her faceCopy !req
68. and it stuck that way.Copy !req
69. The boy with purple socks.Copy !req
70. A man of mystery.Copy !req
71. He never talks.Copy !req
72. If I were known
only by my footwear,Copy !req
73. I'd hang myself.Copy !req
74. Beth Ellen Hansen always looks
like she's about to cry.Copy !req
75. I wish someone
would just kick herCopy !req
76. and get it over with.Copy !req
77. And then of course,
there's our teacher...Copy !req
78. Miss Elson.Copy !req
79. She's nice, and polite.Copy !req
80. I bet one day she goes
on a psycho killing spree,Copy !req
81. and all her neighbors
will say...Copy !req
82. "She was nice and polite."Copy !req
83. Well, from what your last
two teachers tell me,Copy !req
84. it looks like
déja vu all over again.Copy !req
85. It's time to vote for
a sixth grade class president.Copy !req
86. And for the third year
in a row...Copy !req
87. we're down to our final
two nominees,Copy !req
88. and they are Harriet WelschCopy !req
89. and Marion Hawthorne.Copy !req
90. And so, as you may know,Copy !req
91. the duties of the class
president includeCopy !req
92. taking attendance,
reporting bad behaviorCopy !req
93. and best of all, editing
the sixth grade newspaper.Copy !req
94. And now we vote.Copy !req
95. Marion Hawthorne... again.Copy !req
96. Three years in a row.Copy !req
97. You know what?
I think I'll invent a poison.Copy !req
98. A really good,Copy !req
99. clean, untraceable poison.Copy !req
100. One that fries your brainsCopy !req
101. and makes all your bodily
fluids boil at once.Copy !req
102. - Could you?
- Check it out.Copy !req
103. One day I'd be like,
"Oh, hi, Marion.Copy !req
104. "Oh, no, I'm not
finishing this soda."Copy !req
105. And she'd be like...Copy !req
106. I'm serious.Copy !req
107. Any of you guys
want to come over?Copy !req
108. I got to get home.Copy !req
109. If my amoebas start
incubating,Copy !req
110. they really stink up the house.Copy !req
111. Harriet?Copy !req
112. Sorry. Spy time.Copy !req
113. Spy route.Copy !req
114. Harrison Withers' place.Copy !req
115. Higher altitude, lower risk.Copy !req
116. But always a show.Copy !req
117. Yeah, everybody's gonna have
some grease today...Copy !req
118. All right, now, Jelly Roll.
Yeah.Copy !req
119. Lady DayCopy !req
120. Come what may,
whatever you sayCopy !req
121. We all gonna have
a good timeCopy !req
122. A little bit
for you, SatchmoCopy !req
123. You, BessieCopy !req
124. And how 'bout you,
Jelly Roll?Copy !req
125. Golly says, people
who love work love life.Copy !req
126. Dizzy, DizzyCopy !req
127. I like Harrison Withers,Copy !req
128. 'cause he's a guy
that loves both.Copy !req
129. Scooby dah...Copy !req
130. Scooby-dooby, du-dayCopy !req
131. Okay, that's it.Copy !req
132. Curiously, Harrison livesCopy !req
133. for his cats.Copy !req
134. Wow! Birdland.Copy !req
135. But his work is for the birds.Copy !req
136. Charlie Parker.Copy !req
137. Yardbird.Copy !req
138. In any case, his cages
are the most beautifulCopy !req
139. I've ever seen.Copy !req
140. It's him.Copy !req
141. The Health Department
has it in for Harrison,Copy !req
142. 'cause they say he's got
too many cats.Copy !req
143. I know, I know.Copy !req
144. Too bad for them,
Harrison has a system.Copy !req
145. See a hat, don't be home.Copy !req
146. No hat, no problem.Copy !req
147. Another score for the cat fan.Copy !req
148. Hey.Copy !req
149. Hey.Copy !req
150. Want some necklace?Copy !req
151. How about you, man?Copy !req
152. Ew. You got it all spitty.Copy !req
153. Tastes better that way.Copy !req
154. Good.Copy !req
155. Hey, Harriet,
what are you writing?Copy !req
156. Notes.Copy !req
157. Can we read them?Copy !req
158. Can you read this?Copy !req
159. Okay, okay.Copy !req
160. I just wanted to knowCopy !req
161. why you're always
writing like a maniac.Copy !req
162. I want to remember everything.Copy !req
163. I want to know everything.Copy !req
164. Well, you must realize, Harriet,Copy !req
165. knowing everything
won't do you a bit of goodCopy !req
166. unless you use it to put
beauty in this world.Copy !req
167. True or false?Copy !req
168. True.Copy !req
169. Of course it is.Copy !req
170. Harriet, your mother called.Copy !req
171. She's going to be late.Copy !req
172. Come on, Sport, Janie.Copy !req
173. I'll have you home
before dinner.Copy !req
174. Golly always takes us places.Copy !req
175. She sees things
other people barely notice.Copy !req
176. She's my nanny and...
well, she's Golly.Copy !req
177. Okay, survey of the day.Copy !req
178. Today's question is:Copy !req
179. What wouldn't you eat
for a million dollars?Copy !req
180. Bratwurst.Copy !req
181. Sport?Copy !req
182. Um... camel boogers,
dried roadkill,Copy !req
183. and my dad's meatloaf.Copy !req
184. Janie?Copy !req
185. It's the last day of summer.Copy !req
186. Sad but true.Copy !req
187. Au revoir, monsieur soleil.Copy !req
188. Farewell!Copy !req
189. So long, bye-bye.Copy !req
190. Sayonara!Copy !req
191. - Good-bye...
- We're here.Copy !req
192. Is this a garden?Copy !req
193. What a place!Copy !req
194. What is this?Copy !req
195. Golly, what's that?Copy !req
196. That's Mrs. W.,
a very good friend of mine.Copy !req
197. Kind of unusual.Copy !req
198. You know, there are as many ways
to liveCopy !req
199. as there are people
in this world.Copy !req
200. And each one
deserves a closer look.Copy !req
201. Welcome!Copy !req
202. Come on in.Copy !req
203. Hi.Copy !req
204. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
205. Hi.Copy !req
206. Look around.Copy !req
207. Have fun.Copy !req
208. Whoa! Awesome!Copy !req
209. Bop, bop, bop, bop!Copy !req
210. Do-wat, do-wat, do-watCopy !req
211. I'm goin'!Copy !req
212. Ooh.Copy !req
213. I'm goin'!Copy !req
214. Hey, you guys...Copy !req
215. what do you say
I propose a toast?Copy !req
216. Come on.Copy !req
217. Oh... go away.Copy !req
218. Say it quick, before
it stops fizzing.Copy !req
219. Shake it up, take a sip,
and wish for what you wantCopy !req
220. most in the world.Copy !req
221. Okay.Copy !req
222. I want to replicate
my own DNACopy !req
223. and win
the Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah.Copy !req
224. Oh!Copy !req
225. Very good, Janie.Copy !req
226. Okay, shake it up, Sport.Copy !req
227. Shake it up.Copy !req
228. I want to play
more baseball gamesCopy !req
229. than Cal Ripkin, Jr.Copy !req
230. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
231. And get filthy rich doing it.Copy !req
232. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
233. Shake it, Harriet.Copy !req
234. I want to see the whole worldCopy !req
235. and I want to write down
everything.Copy !req
236. Harriet, slow down.Copy !req
237. That's very impressive.Copy !req
238. Harriet?Copy !req
239. I'm goin'!Copy !req
240. That's good, Harriet.Copy !req
241. That's very pretty,
isn't it, Janie?Copy !req
242. Yes, I like it.Copy !req
243. Got you!Copy !req
244. Hey, wait up.Copy !req
245. Everybody, hello!
It sucks, sixth grade!Copy !req
246. Feet off the bed, please.Copy !req
247. Okay.Copy !req
248. Feet off.Copy !req
249. Oh, the heinie bounce.Copy !req
250. Good choice.Copy !req
251. Very cute, Harriet,
very cute.Copy !req
252. The neighbors
will ask me,Copy !req
253. "What happened
to Harriet Welsch?"Copy !req
254. "I don't know,"
I'll answer.Copy !req
255. "Such a shame.Copy !req
256. "She disappeared
without a trace.Copy !req
257. And she was
so adorable."Copy !req
258. How long have you been
with me, Golly?Copy !req
259. Since you were born.Copy !req
260. 11 years and
12,000 tomato sandwiches ago.Copy !req
261. And you'll never leave me,
right?Copy !req
262. Well, I won't leave you
"leave you," Harriet,Copy !req
263. but, you know, one day
you're going to be big enough.Copy !req
264. And well... well, big enough
to take care of yourself.Copy !req
265. And when that day comesCopy !req
266. you won't need me
and I'll be gone.Copy !req
267. But you know what?Copy !req
268. That day is not today.Copy !req
269. And now, it's time for bed.Copy !req
270. Are Mom and Dad
tucking me in?Copy !req
271. No.Copy !req
272. They're at a very fancy partyCopy !req
273. and I bet they're thinking
about you right now. Really.Copy !req
274. Listen, I think I can hear 'em.Copy !req
275. Harriet...Copy !req
276. listen to everything
Golly says to you.Copy !req
277. We're drinking champagne
and eating caviar, Harriet.Copy !req
278. Come on.Copy !req
279. Let's go to bed.Copy !req
280. Who's going to bed?Copy !req
281. Uh, you are, tough guy.Copy !req
282. - Come on.
- Ow! Ow!Copy !req
283. Child abuse! Child abuse!Copy !req
284. Oh, you think
that's child abuse?Copy !req
285. You haven't even...
How about that?Copy !req
286. What about that?
What about one of these?Copy !req
287. Stand still,
you little booger.Copy !req
288. Ugh!Copy !req
289. I'm telling you,
just give me the big knifeCopy !req
290. and this will all be over.Copy !req
291. Harriet, dear,
you have takenCopy !req
292. a tomato sandwich
to school with you...Copy !req
293. With mayonnaise.Copy !req
294. with mayonnaise
every dayCopy !req
295. for that past five years.Copy !req
296. Don't you want
a little variety?Copy !req
297. Nope.Copy !req
298. Not even cream cheese
with olive?Copy !req
299. Yum-yum-yum!Copy !req
300. Or how about pastrami?
Roast beef?Copy !req
301. How about the fancy
cucumber kind,Copy !req
302. with the crust cut off?Copy !req
303. Mom, I can't help it
if I know what I like.Copy !req
304. And I know that I like tomato.Copy !req
305. After school spy route...Copy !req
306. Hong Fat's Food EmporiumCopy !req
307. Holy cats, a veggie thief.Copy !req
308. This must be investigated
thoroughly.Copy !req
309. Frankie, you took the truck
last week.Copy !req
310. Wasn't that enough?Copy !req
311. Stop walking around.Copy !req
312. Frankie, go do some homework.Copy !req
313. I've done my homework.Copy !req
314. Do some reading.Copy !req
315. Watch TV.
Do something.Copy !req
316. Grandpa, all I need
is the truck.Copy !req
317. I know you know
that I mean.Copy !req
318. Come on, Ma,
let me have the truck.Copy !req
319. I got a date!Copy !req
320. What do you take me for?Copy !req
321. The Hong Fats have a son...
Frankie.Copy !req
322. He's cool; American style.Copy !req
323. His parents are
Chinese-style cool.Copy !req
324. Frankie likes going out,Copy !req
325. but they'd rather
he work in the store,Copy !req
326. selling milk and bread
and lizards.Copy !req
327. Ugh!Copy !req
328. I mean, do I try to interfere
with your bookkeeping?Copy !req
329. My business is comedy!Copy !req
330. That's what I do!Copy !req
331. I'm funny!
I'm the funny guy!Copy !req
332. Yes, you are.Copy !req
333. They're the money guys.Copy !req
334. Okay, slippery,Copy !req
335. bath time's over.Copy !req
336. Come out with your hands up.Copy !req
337. But I just got in.Copy !req
338. Oh, sure.
I believe that one.Copy !req
339. Let's see your fingers,
prune girl.Copy !req
340. Talk to the hand,
'cause the faceCopy !req
341. ain't gonna listen.Copy !req
342. He asked me to come upCopy !req
343. with something new,
something fresh.Copy !req
344. You read it.
It was good.Copy !req
345. - Yes.
- It was the funniest scriptCopy !req
346. we've had all year!Copy !req
347. Yes, it was. So what
was their problem?Copy !req
348. Hey, I want to hear.Copy !req
349. Oh, yeah?
I want to sing opera,Copy !req
350. but I can't, so I don't.Copy !req
351. That downstairs is...Copy !req
352. Well, your dad
has a high-pressure job.Copy !req
353. What's a high-pressure job?Copy !req
354. It's when you don't
get to do what you wantCopy !req
355. and when you do,Copy !req
356. you don't have time to do it.Copy !req
357. Do spies have
high-pressure jobs?Copy !req
358. Only when
they're caught.Copy !req
359. I'm never caught.Copy !req
360. You're right.Copy !req
361. You never are.Copy !req
362. Oh, look, a ugly water bug!Copy !req
363. Hey!Copy !req
364. Caught ya.Copy !req
365. Here she is.Copy !req
366. Night.Copy !req
367. Good night.Copy !req
368. Good night. You want
me to tuck you in?Copy !req
369. Golly can do it.Copy !req
370. "'The time has come,'
the Walrus said.Copy !req
371. "To talk of many things."Copy !req
372. "Of shoes and ships
and sealing wax."Copy !req
373. "Of cabbages and kings."Copy !req
374. "And why the sea
is boiling hot."Copy !req
375. "And whether
pigs have wings."'Copy !req
376. - Do you have any wings?
- Yeah.Copy !req
377. Let me see.Copy !req
378. Crap? No, no.Copy !req
379. This stuff is beyond crap.Copy !req
380. This is what crap wants
to be when it grows up.Copy !req
381. Listen to this.Copy !req
382. "A Question Corner
by Marion Hawthorne.Copy !req
383. "Horse riding,
for those who can afford itCopy !req
384. "is a very wonderful sport.Copy !req
385. "Every weekend,
my father takes me ridingCopy !req
386. and we laugh together
as we ride."Copy !req
387. Does she mention
her mom pays for dork lessons?Copy !req
388. Man, once thatCopy !req
389. disintegration ray
is complete... bzzt!Copy !req
390. She's molecular toast.Copy !req
391. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
392. Mom and Dad's night out.Copy !req
393. Me and Golly's night in.Copy !req
394. Hello.Copy !req
395. What's that smell?Copy !req
396. Delicious
German bratwurst.Copy !req
397. We hate bratwurst.Copy !req
398. I love bratwurst.Copy !req
399. Since when?Copy !req
400. I'll get it!Copy !req
401. No. No, no. I will get it.Copy !req
402. I'll get it! I'll get it!
I'll get it!Copy !req
403. I'll get it!
I'll get it! I'll get it!Copy !req
404. I said I'll get itCopy !req
405. and I mean
I'll get it.Copy !req
406. - I got it!
- No.Copy !req
407. I'll get it!Copy !req
408. Good evening, Katherine.Copy !req
409. The veggie thief.Copy !req
410. Katherine?Copy !req
411. Harriet Ann Welsch,Copy !req
412. Mr. George Waldenstein.Copy !req
413. How do you do?Copy !req
414. Yeah.Copy !req
415. I've seen him around.Copy !req
416. Bet he stole that pineapple.Copy !req
417. Good soup.Copy !req
418. Harriet,Copy !req
419. where are your manners?Copy !req
420. I don't know.Copy !req
421. Maybe somebody stole them.Copy !req
422. Hey, you cheated.Copy !req
423. Oh, you win.Copy !req
424. My congratulations.Copy !req
425. Yeah, well, I know some stuff.Copy !req
426. So, you'reCopy !req
427. a delivery boy?Copy !req
428. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
429. Well, no offense, but, uh,
you're like, what, 45?Copy !req
430. Ish.Copy !req
431. Shouldn't you be
a delivery man by now?Copy !req
432. Harriet!Copy !req
433. Well, Harriet, I'll tell you.Copy !req
434. Not long ago,
I had another life.Copy !req
435. I had a big business,
I had a lot of money,Copy !req
436. and you know what?Copy !req
437. I was the most
miserable man alive.Copy !req
438. So, one day,
I told my wife that...Copy !req
439. - Wife?
- I told my wife that ICopy !req
440. wanted to start all over
again and if she wanted to,Copy !req
441. she could start all over
with me.Copy !req
442. So what happened?Copy !req
443. Oh, she left me, but that's
all right, that was her choice.Copy !req
444. My choice was to become
a delivery boy... well, man.Copy !req
445. I don't have the
business, of course.Copy !req
446. I don't have the money.Copy !req
447. You know what?Copy !req
448. My life is sweet again.Copy !req
449. Hmm.Copy !req
450. The wurst!Copy !req
451. Oh, no! My wurst!Copy !req
452. No, no!Copy !req
453. Oh...Copy !req
454. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
455. Oh, no. No.Copy !req
456. Don't be sad, Katherine.Copy !req
457. This is a blessing
in disguise.Copy !req
458. That's a pretty
good disguise.Copy !req
459. Don't you see?Copy !req
460. The three of us
have to go out for dinner.Copy !req
461. - No.
- Yeah!Copy !req
462. Yes, dinner and a movie!Copy !req
463. Movie, movie, movie!
Come on, Golly!Copy !req
464. The idea seems
popular enough.Copy !req
465. Yes, but the Welschs...Copy !req
466. Will be out.Copy !req
467. Till million o'clock!Copy !req
468. - Oh, please, Golly.
- Please, oh, please?Copy !req
469. Oh, please, please,
please, oh, please.Copy !req
470. Oh, please, please, please.Copy !req
471. What the heck.Copy !req
472. This is absurd.Copy !req
473. Yes!Copy !req
474. Don't speak.Copy !req
475. Wait! Wait for me!
I'm not dead.Copy !req
476. Are you okay?Copy !req
477. Yeah.Copy !req
478. Hey.Copy !req
479. How come
all the lights are on?Copy !req
480. Where is my child?Copy !req
481. Uh-oh.Copy !req
482. Harriet? Harriet,
what are you doingCopy !req
483. in that contraption?Copy !req
484. Come in here at once.Copy !req
485. Miss Golly,
what are you doingCopy !req
486. with my child, at this hour,
without my consent?Copy !req
487. - Who is that?
- My name is...Copy !req
488. - Shut up!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
489. We only went to dinner
and then a movie.Copy !req
490. Harriet is not
your daughter, Miss Golly.Copy !req
491. She is mine,
and you have no idea, none,Copy !req
492. what it is like
to come home and findCopy !req
493. - that your child is missing.
- We had no ideaCopy !req
494. that you'd be home this soon.Copy !req
495. I don't care.
I don't care what you didCopy !req
496. or where you went or why.Copy !req
497. All I know is this
can never happen again.Copy !req
498. Miss Golly... you are fired.Copy !req
499. What? No!Copy !req
500. Just a moment.Copy !req
501. This is my fault. Please.Copy !req
502. Well, it seems
awfully sudden.Copy !req
503. Actually...Copy !req
504. maybe it's not.Copy !req
505. I think you're right,
Mrs. Welsch.Copy !req
506. It is time for me to go.Copy !req
507. What?Copy !req
508. What?Copy !req
509. What?Copy !req
510. Now, look, I admit, I lost it...Copy !req
511. because, I just...
I was frightened.Copy !req
512. But the thing is, the fact is
we need you, Golly.Copy !req
513. We can't do it alone.Copy !req
514. We all spoke out of turn,
I think.Copy !req
515. None of this is causing...Copy !req
516. Absolutely not.Copy !req
517. Absolutely, no.Copy !req
518. I mean, I think we were
talking about...Copy !req
519. our feelings out there.Copy !req
520. You were afraid
and-and-and nowCopy !req
521. what we should
be focusing on, right?Copy !req
522. Is-is Harriet.Copy !req
523. Look, I'm sorry.Copy !req
524. - I lost my head out there.
- Look. There.Copy !req
525. - No, no.
- I was just...Copy !req
526. but you can't go...
I mean, we need you.Copy !req
527. Harriet would never
stand for it.Copy !req
528. Please, won't
you reconsider?Copy !req
529. You know, it's not aboutCopy !req
530. what happened
outside tonight.Copy !req
531. It really isn't.Copy !req
532. But Golly...Copy !req
533. I just... no, I think it's time.
I really do.Copy !req
534. Harriet can take care of herself
now, so she should.Copy !req
535. But Harriet's just...Copy !req
536. She's just a little girl.Copy !req
537. You know, it's the right thing.Copy !req
538. It's the right thing
for all of us...Copy !req
539. for me, for you
and for Harriet.Copy !req
540. Are you sure?Copy !req
541. Yeah, I am.Copy !req
542. "'The time has come,"
the Walrus said,"Copy !req
543. "To talk of many things...Copy !req
544. "Of shoes and ships
and sealing wax..."Copy !req
545. "Of cabbages and kings...Copy !req
546. "And why the sea
is boiling hot...Copy !req
547. And whether pigs have wings."Copy !req
548. Where you going to go?Copy !req
549. Well, I don't really know.Copy !req
550. I'm thinking I may travel.Copy !req
551. Are you going to go be
some other kid's nanny now?Copy !req
552. And love them more than you?Copy !req
553. Never.Copy !req
554. Remember, in my life,
in this worldCopy !req
555. there will always
only be one Harriet.Copy !req
556. So get back to work...
you've lost nearlyCopy !req
557. an entire day
on your notebook.Copy !req
558. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
559. It doesn't matter?Copy !req
560. Did I hear you say
"It doesn't matter"?Copy !req
561. Because I thought
I heard you sayCopy !req
562. "It doesn't matter,"Copy !req
563. but Harriet wouldn't say that,
would she?Copy !req
564. Now come on...Copy !req
565. just because
you're on your own,Copy !req
566. doesn't mean the world
stops turning,Copy !req
567. or that there are
no more fascinating peopleCopy !req
568. to observe and fill
your notebooks with.Copy !req
569. That's your job, Harriet.Copy !req
570. That's your job for life.Copy !req
571. And when you're all grown upCopy !req
572. and you sell
your first novel,Copy !req
573. I'll be first in line
at that bookstore,Copy !req
574. getting my autographed copy.Copy !req
575. I hope.Copy !req
576. I'm not going to cry.Copy !req
577. I'm not going to cry.Copy !req
578. I'm not going
to cry.Copy !req
579. Ah, it's okay to cry.Copy !req
580. But whatever you do,
don't laugh.Copy !req
581. No, Harriet,Copy !req
582. I will not tolerate laughter
as I leave, no.Copy !req
583. Hey...Copy !req
584. come here.Copy !req
585. You remember...Copy !req
586. a good spy can
get in there and fight.Copy !req
587. Good-bye, Harriet the Spy.Copy !req
588. I was kind of worried, you know?Copy !req
589. I kind of thought, "Well,
there's something wrongCopy !req
590. with me or something," and so...Copy !req
591. Growing up from girl to woman,Copy !req
592. there's so much to get used to.Copy !req
593. This is the time when a whole
new set of feelings unfold.Copy !req
594. Feelings about yourself
and your maturing body...Copy !req
595. Everything's the same
as when Golly was here.Copy !req
596. It looks the same...Copy !req
597. it smells the same...Copy !req
598. but there's this
tiny hole inside meCopy !req
599. that wasn't there before.Copy !req
600. It's like...Copy !req
601. like a splinter
in your finger...Copy !req
602. only this one's
right above my stomach.Copy !req
603. Harriet,Copy !req
604. are you okay?Copy !req
605. Uh-huh.Copy !req
606. Something's... different.Copy !req
607. No cats?Copy !req
608. How can Harrison Withers
not have a billion cats around?Copy !req
609. They finally nailed him.Copy !req
610. I will always remember
that face.Copy !req
611. That's the face you make
when you really lose something.Copy !req
612. Uh-oh, Frankie took the truck.Copy !req
613. Speak English!Copy !req
614. Oh, okay, you want us
to speak English, huh?Copy !req
615. Well, you are a jerk, huh?Copy !req
616. I tell you, "Don't
take the truck.Copy !req
617. You smash the truck."Copy !req
618. Well, you tell me now,Copy !req
619. Mr. Wise Guy,
was one date worth it?Copy !req
620. we have people
here shopping!Copy !req
621. Yeah.Copy !req
622. Hey, all right, Grandpa.Copy !req
623. It's cool, right?Copy !req
624. It wasn't a big deal, huh?Copy !req
625. I knew you'd
understand, right?Copy !req
626. Sometimes I think
families everywhereCopy !req
627. are exactly the same.Copy !req
628. Everybody get back to work.Copy !req
629. Mom, Dad, please?
Grandpa!Copy !req
630. Just calm down.Copy !req
631. Too exciting.Copy !req
632. $6.75.Copy !req
633. You got it or not?Copy !req
634. Hey, Sport.Copy !req
635. How you doing?Copy !req
636. Hi.Copy !req
637. Um, I saw you drop this outside.Copy !req
638. Oh...Copy !req
639. Thanks.Copy !req
640. I got to go.Copy !req
641. Now it's time for our annual
sixth grade holiday pageant.Copy !req
642. So... pageant ideas...Copy !req
643. who would like
to make a suggestion?Copy !req
644. Simon.Copy !req
645. Pirates.Copy !req
646. Okay.Copy !req
647. Good dramatic potential,
if not exactly seasonal.Copy !req
648. Anyone else?Copy !req
649. How 'bout the Manhattan Project?Copy !req
650. I can be J. Robert OppenheimerCopy !req
651. and with the right chemicals,Copy !req
652. I know I can do
a mushroom cloud.Copy !req
653. That's impressive, Janie.Copy !req
654. But I believe there's
a taste issue involved.Copy !req
655. Ballet.Copy !req
656. Pilgrims.Copy !req
657. Musical.Copy !req
658. Swan Lake.Copy !req
659. Jazz.Copy !req
660. Vlad the lmpaler.Copy !req
661. Yeah, that's cool!Copy !req
662. I think the most excellent idea
for a pageantCopy !req
663. would be
a giant holiday feast.Copy !req
664. Something healthy, low in fat,
and very delicious, of course.Copy !req
665. There could be parts
for everybody.Copy !req
666. Uh, grains, vegetablesCopy !req
667. and best of all,
a shiny, silver centerpiece.Copy !req
668. That's a very good idea, Marion.Copy !req
669. You could play the barf bag.Copy !req
670. She made me an onion.Copy !req
671. Tell me about it.Copy !req
672. "You, my dear,
are a great big squash."Copy !req
673. I'd like to squash her.Copy !req
674. I've got something better.
Come here.Copy !req
675. Smell this.Copy !req
676. Ugh!Copy !req
677. What is that?Copy !req
678. You like it?Copy !req
679. Wait, I mean you hate it.Copy !req
680. It's like something crawled
up my nose and then died.Copy !req
681. Excellent.Copy !req
682. It's a sulfur-based
alkaloid.Copy !req
683. I want it to chemically
fuse with combustibles.Copy !req
684. And, in English,
that would mean...Copy !req
685. Stink bomb.Copy !req
686. Stink bomb.Copy !req
687. We tape it to the
school air ducts,Copy !req
688. attach it to a timer,Copy !req
689. and five minutes before
the school play starts...Copy !req
690. Empty auditorium.Copy !req
691. Hey...Copy !req
692. What are you girls doing?Copy !req
693. Nothing.
Nothing.Copy !req
694. Are you getting ready
for your big stage debut?Copy !req
695. Actually, Mrs. Gibbs,Copy !req
696. Janie and I were just talking
about the school play.Copy !req
697. Right, Janie?Copy !req
698. Yeah, we're really
looking forward to it.Copy !req
699. Good, good.Copy !req
700. That's good.Copy !req
701. Janie, what is this
supposed to be?Copy !req
702. No, Mom.Copy !req
703. Don't touch it.Copy !req
704. What?Copy !req
705. Janie!Copy !req
706. It's an experiment with mold.Copy !req
707. Oh... Janie!Copy !req
708. That's where my Veronica's
Closet bra went to, huh?Copy !req
709. You know,
I'm sick to deathCopy !req
710. of this mad scientist baloney.Copy !req
711. Look at this.
Look at this.Copy !req
712. Girl, we got to talk.Copy !req
713. I don't know what I'm
going to do with you,Copy !req
714. but we're going
to talk.Copy !req
715. Some of Janie's experiments
really creep me out.Copy !req
716. I wonder if she'll grow up
to be a billion-IQ genius,Copy !req
717. or a total nutcase.Copy !req
718. Sport, Sport...Copy !req
719. Chicken man.Copy !req
720. Do it again, do it again.Copy !req
721. Sport.Copy !req
722. Sport...Copy !req
723. Sport!Copy !req
724. Help me.Copy !req
725. Hey, Harriet.Copy !req
726. Hey.Copy !req
727. All right, come on.Copy !req
728. How does it look?Copy !req
729. Uh...
give me the mousse.Copy !req
730. No, no...Copy !req
731. Don't worry, it's just
one of Dad's nightmares.Copy !req
732. I mean day-mares.Copy !req
733. He says it happens
to all great writersCopy !req
734. before they get their big break.Copy !req
735. Hmm, a real writer.Copy !req
736. My dad calls guys like your dad
"a starving artist."Copy !req
737. Who's starving?Copy !req
738. I cook, I clean,
I do the dishes and the books.Copy !req
739. What do you mean,
do the books?Copy !req
740. These are the books.Copy !req
741. Every week I get a check.Copy !req
742. I write the amount
down in here,Copy !req
743. I pay the bills and then
whatever's left is food money.Copy !req
744. I hate money.Copy !req
745. You'd like it a lot more
if you didn't have any.Copy !req
746. I got to get to work.Copy !req
747. Hey, Sport?Copy !req
748. No! Don't.Copy !req
749. Yeah, yeah, come on.Copy !req
750. Strike a pose.Copy !req
751. Spy route: Brand-new stalk.Copy !req
752. Home of Agatha K. Plummer,Copy !req
753. a big private house
with big-type security.Copy !req
754. Until today.Copy !req
755. A spy must choose
ingenious tricks,Copy !req
756. must blend
into her surroundings.Copy !req
757. Hiya, Freckles.Copy !req
758. Must live with being called...
"Freckles."Copy !req
759. Here we go, in you go.Copy !req
760. Here he is.Copy !req
761. So, here's the little monster.Copy !req
762. Bye. Wave to the man.Copy !req
763. Are you happy?Copy !req
764. Good.Copy !req
765. Oh, score!Copy !req
766. Quiet. Quiet, puppy dog.Copy !req
767. Go away!Copy !req
768. Don't, don't, don't.
Go away.Copy !req
769. Pee-wee, don't make me
come in there.Copy !req
770. Away.Copy !req
771. Go away!Copy !req
772. Pee-wee... get awayCopy !req
773. from that dumbwaiter.Copy !req
774. Shut up.Copy !req
775. Stupid fuzzball.Copy !req
776. I ought to shave you down
and teach you to hunt.Copy !req
777. Shut up!Copy !req
778. No, no.Copy !req
779. No, darling.Copy !req
780. If you want to talk about
something delicious...Copy !req
781. I haveCopy !req
782. something delicious.Copy !req
783. I have the secret of life.Copy !req
784. Yes, darling.Copy !req
785. You simplyCopy !req
786. crawl into your bed,Copy !req
787. and you never, ever
leave it again.Copy !req
788. Never...Copy !req
789. Ah, sweet Liberace.Copy !req
790. What was that?Copy !req
791. I have no idea.Copy !req
792. Then why don't youCopy !req
793. go over there and get an idea?Copy !req
794. And if it's that rat...Copy !req
795. kill it!Copy !req
796. Oh, Mrs. Plummer,Copy !req
797. I'm sureCopy !req
798. it's absolutely nothing.Copy !req
799. Oh, well...Copy !req
800. A good spy never gets caught.Copy !req
801. A good spy
never gets caught.Copy !req
802. A good spy never gets caught.Copy !req
803. I am the suckiest spy on earth.Copy !req
804. Hey, Harriet, check this out.Copy !req
805. "This year's winter
pageant promisesCopy !req
806. "to be truly inspiring,
as Miss Elson'sCopy !req
807. "sixth grade class
presents a holiday feast,Copy !req
808. "starring a turkey, vegetables,Copy !req
809. "and a grand finaleCopy !req
810. of delicious, dancing... gravy."Copy !req
811. Oh, my God.Copy !req
812. I'd like to see her
split a turkey suitCopy !req
813. with butt-breath
Pinky Whitehead.Copy !req
814. Hurry up.Copy !req
815. You're so slow.Copy !req
816. Come on, you guys.Copy !req
817. Harriet, you want
to go play in the park?Copy !req
818. Or do you have to do that
top secret spy deal again?Copy !req
819. No. I can play.Copy !req
820. You can?Copy !req
821. Yeah, come on.Copy !req
822. No way.Copy !req
823. I still say we play
"Buy the Volvo."Copy !req
824. No way.Copy !req
825. - That's stupid.
- No.Copy !req
826. No way!Copy !req
827. You guys, I can be the dealer.Copy !req
828. You guys can be
the couples lookingCopy !req
829. for a sassy yet affordable
family vehicle.Copy !req
830. Get real.Copy !req
831. Yeah, right.Copy !req
832. Okay, I've got it:
Hide and Seek.Copy !req
833. - No.
- Hide and Seek?Copy !req
834. I am set.Copy !req
835. That's retarded.Copy !req
836. Red Rover, Red Rover.Copy !req
837. No!Copy !req
838. That's a kid's game.Copy !req
839. I don't think so.Copy !req
840. - Kick the can.
- Kick...Copy !req
841. What about Spin the Bottle?Copy !req
842. Ew!Copy !req
843. Yeah, right.Copy !req
844. I got it.Copy !req
845. Bumper tag.Copy !req
846. See, now, that's a good idea.Copy !req
847. Eenie-meenie, miney-mo,Copy !req
848. Catch a tiger by the toe.Copy !req
849. If he hollers, let him go.Copy !req
850. My mom said to pick
the very best one,Copy !req
851. and you areCopy !req
852. it.Copy !req
853. Away, you foolish mortals!Copy !req
854. Beth's it!Copy !req
855. Got you!Copy !req
856. You run fast,Copy !req
857. but now I shall destroy you.Copy !req
858. Yeah.Copy !req
859. Oh.Copy !req
860. You winded?Copy !req
861. Nope.Copy !req
862. Me, too.Copy !req
863. Upsey-daisy.Copy !req
864. Time to move.Copy !req
865. Where's my notebook?Copy !req
866. Your what?Copy !req
867. My notebook!Copy !req
868. Oh, my God.Copy !req
869. Boy...Copy !req
870. - Wait, wait. No, wait.
- Carrie...Copy !req
871. Carrie.
Carrie, Carrie, Carrie.Copy !req
872. Andrews.Copy !req
873. Get this. Get... Okay.Copy !req
874. "Carrie Andrews thinks
she's so coolCopy !req
875. "'cause she spent
her summer vacationCopy !req
876. growing boobs."Copy !req
877. - Come on, read some more.
- Okay.Copy !req
878. Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
879. Okay.Copy !req
880. "Now, the Boy with
the Purple SocksCopy !req
881. is a man of mystery."Copy !req
882. Mystery!Copy !req
883. Hold on, you guys,
you guys.Copy !req
884. Listen, listen, listen.Copy !req
885. "The only thing more patheticCopy !req
886. "than being Marion Hawthorne,Copy !req
887. is wanting to be
Marion Hawthorne."Copy !req
888. Oh, Rachel.Copy !req
889. Rachel.Copy !req
890. She is...Copy !req
891. - Jealous.
- She's jealous.Copy !req
892. It's pure jealousy.Copy !req
893. You give that back now!Copy !req
894. Looks like there's something
in here for everyone.Copy !req
895. You heard her, Marion.Copy !req
896. Give it back before I pound you
into the cement.Copy !req
897. Ooh, I'm so scared.Copy !req
898. Hey, maybe there
is somethingCopy !req
899. in here for you.Copy !req
900. Janie...Copy !req
901. Janie, Janie, Janie...Copy !req
902. Come and get it.Copy !req
903. Read it. Come on.Copy !req
904. What does it say?Copy !req
905. - Come on.
- Janie, Janie.Copy !req
906. "Janie really
creeps me out."Copy !req
907. Ooh.Copy !req
908. "I wonder if she'll grow up
to be...Copy !req
909. a total nutcase..."?Copy !req
910. A nutcase!Copy !req
911. Oh.Copy !req
912. Hey.Copy !req
913. Her best friend.Copy !req
914. That's her best friend.Copy !req
915. Beth.Copy !req
916. "I wish
someone would kick Beth Ellen."Copy !req
917. Oh!Copy !req
918. Uh, Laura.Copy !req
919. "Laura Peters...
her face looks totally...Copy !req
920. pinched."Copy !req
921. Oh.Copy !req
922. "If I were the boy
with the purple socks...Copy !req
923. I'd hang myself."Copy !req
924. Something else.Copy !req
925. Cut it out, Marion.Copy !req
926. Oh.Copy !req
927. Maybe there is something
in here for Sport.Copy !req
928. No!Copy !req
929. "Sport..."Copy !req
930. Shut up!Copy !req
931. Fine, then.Copy !req
932. I'll read it right out loudCopy !req
933. so everybody can hear.Copy !req
934. No!Copy !req
935. "Sport is so poor,
he can't even afford food.Copy !req
936. "Why can't his fatherCopy !req
937. just get a real job?"Copy !req
938. Oh, and get this, as well.Copy !req
939. "One day, I had to pretend
he dropped a dollarCopy !req
940. just so he could afford
some milk and bread."Copy !req
941. Oh.Copy !req
942. Ooh, harsh.Copy !req
943. Oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
944. That's mean.Copy !req
945. Sport, I...Copy !req
946. I-I got to go.Copy !req
947. It-it's spaghetti night.Copy !req
948. I got to make spaghetti.Copy !req
949. I can't stay here anymore.Copy !req
950. Harriet...Copy !req
951. sit over there till we decide
what to do with you next.Copy !req
952. Wait. What's this?Copy !req
953. "I learn everything I canCopy !req
954. "and I write down everything
I see.Copy !req
955. "Golly says if I
want to be a writer,Copy !req
956. "then I'd better start now,Copy !req
957. "which is whyCopy !req
958. I'm a spy."Copy !req
959. My position is bad.Copy !req
960. My position is terrible.Copy !req
961. My position could not be worse.Copy !req
962. Golly would know what to do.Copy !req
963. Harriet?Copy !req
964. Harriet, are you all right?Copy !req
965. Fine.Copy !req
966. Do you want anything?Copy !req
967. No.Copy !req
968. You sure?Copy !req
969. Ole Golly, Ole Golly,
Ole Golly,Copy !req
970. Ole Golly, Ole Golly,Copy !req
971. Ole Golly, Ole Golly,
Ole Golly.Copy !req
972. Harriet?Copy !req
973. I saidCopy !req
974. I'm fine.Copy !req
975. Really.Copy !req
976. Lookit.Copy !req
977. Oh, my God.Copy !req
978. Hey, Sport.Copy !req
979. Janie.Copy !req
980. You hear something?Copy !req
981. No.Copy !req
982. Plug this in over there.Copy !req
983. Over there?Copy !req
984. Um, well, that one's closer.Copy !req
985. Carrie? Carrie?Copy !req
986. Oh, my...Copy !req
987. Sport? Sport, catch.Copy !req
988. Let me see.Copy !req
989. We love our teacher,
and our best friendCopy !req
990. We'll stay togetherCopy !req
991. Until the endCopy !req
992. We're moving up...Copy !req
993. and together,
we'll always have funCopy !req
994. We love our teacher,
and our best friendCopy !req
995. We'll stay togetherCopy !req
996. Until the endCopy !req
997. We're one for all,
and all for oneCopy !req
998. And together,
we'll always have fun...Copy !req
999. I will always have a notebook.Copy !req
1000. Only Golly understands this.Copy !req
1001. I will write down everything,
and I'll know everything.Copy !req
1002. And I'll take everything
I know,Copy !req
1003. and write my memoirs,Copy !req
1004. and be a huge, big, celebrity,Copy !req
1005. and go on all the talk showsCopy !req
1006. and tell them
Marion Hawthorne smells.Copy !req
1007. And... won't that rock?Copy !req
1008. What smells?Copy !req
1009. Eww!Copy !req
1010. Did something die?Copy !req
1011. - Get away.
- Eww!Copy !req
1012. Where's your notebook, Harriet?Copy !req
1013. I don't know, Marion.Copy !req
1014. Have you looked
up your butt?Copy !req
1015. You all better stop
being mean to me,Copy !req
1016. or else, I'm going to...Copy !req
1017. Or else, what?Copy !req
1018. Yeah, what are you
gonna do about it?Copy !req
1019. I'm gonna get you real bad.Copy !req
1020. I'm gonna...Copy !req
1021. No, that's where you're
wrong, Harriet the Spy.Copy !req
1022. We're gonna get you so bad...Copy !req
1023. and you know why?Copy !req
1024. 'Cause we have a plan.Copy !req
1025. Yeah!Copy !req
1026. I don't like giving orders
twice, you know.Copy !req
1027. I told you to nail it
to the side, not to the right.Copy !req
1028. One, two, three, heave!Copy !req
1029. I need more nails.Copy !req
1030. Harder, harder.Copy !req
1031. Hold it, hold it.Copy !req
1032. A club for catching spies?Copy !req
1033. I'm doomed.Copy !req
1034. "If Golly said choose
between being a spyCopy !req
1035. "and having friends...Copy !req
1036. I'd pick spy."Copy !req
1037. Maybe you're not allowed
to have both."Copy !req
1038. Ugh!Copy !req
1039. Get her!Copy !req
1040. Spy-catchers are everywhere.Copy !req
1041. My route is ruined.Copy !req
1042. No one can stand in my way.Copy !req
1043. Forget that my heart sankCopy !req
1044. when I saw you standing there
with that policeman.Copy !req
1045. This is your mother talking.Copy !req
1046. But when I ask you
for some kind of explanation,Copy !req
1047. it's like...Copy !req
1048. It's not that big a deal.Copy !req
1049. Oh, no... wrong.Copy !req
1050. Being brought home by the copsCopy !req
1051. is a very big deal, Harriet.Copy !req
1052. Cop. Cop.Copy !req
1053. One guy. That's it.Copy !req
1054. No, that's not it;
we've spoken with Miss Elson.Copy !req
1055. You remember school?Copy !req
1056. And she tells us
that you've doneCopy !req
1057. zero schoolwork in days.Copy !req
1058. All you do is play
with your notebook.Copy !req
1059. It's not play, it's work.Copy !req
1060. School is your
work, Harriet.Copy !req
1061. Yeah, well, she can shut up,
'cause I'm learning tons.Copy !req
1062. Oh, yes?Copy !req
1063. Well, not about history, huh?Copy !req
1064. Not about geography.Copy !req
1065. Not even English.Copy !req
1066. I swear, if it's
not in your notebook,Copy !req
1067. it's as if you don't
want to know about it.Copy !req
1068. So what?Copy !req
1069. Harriet...Copy !req
1070. This... obsession
you've developedCopy !req
1071. is not entirely
healthy.Copy !req
1072. Now, we've made
a decision.Copy !req
1073. And-And we, uh...Copy !req
1074. We want you to stopCopy !req
1075. with the notebook.Copy !req
1076. S-Stop writing?Copy !req
1077. Not forever,
just as an experiment.Copy !req
1078. Harriet, the world is filled
with so many thingsCopy !req
1079. a person like yourself
could enjoy.Copy !req
1080. Well, that's right.Copy !req
1081. And you're going to find that,
sometimesCopy !req
1082. just experiencing
them can be enough.Copy !req
1083. That's how I experience things...
with my notebook.Copy !req
1084. Harriet...Copy !req
1085. No. Let's see you
experience thingsCopy !req
1086. without your unhealthy
obsessions, huh?Copy !req
1087. Every day you come home,
and pour yourself a big martini.Copy !req
1088. How come you don't
give that up?Copy !req
1089. And how many days go byCopy !req
1090. without you going
to a stupid party?Copy !req
1091. Or buying some other piece
of crappy jewelry... like, two?Copy !req
1092. Don't take that tone with us,
young lady.Copy !req
1093. We're your parents.
We make the rules in this house.Copy !req
1094. Now, hand over
the notebook.Copy !req
1095. I threw it away.Copy !req
1096. You're sitting on it.Copy !req
1097. I'm not moving.Copy !req
1098. If you make me move you,Copy !req
1099. I will move you.Copy !req
1100. I'll just get another one.Copy !req
1101. Oh?Copy !req
1102. Miss Elson will be checking.Copy !req
1103. Harriet?Copy !req
1104. Don't you want
to talk about this?Copy !req
1105. No.Copy !req
1106. Harriet... did we forget?Copy !req
1107. Notebook check.Copy !req
1108. Dweeb!Copy !req
1109. Hey...Copy !req
1110. Harriet the Spy,
Harriet the Spy...Copy !req
1111. Harriet the Spy,
Harriet the Spy...Copy !req
1112. Oops!Copy !req
1113. I'm sorry!Copy !req
1114. You did that
on purpose!Copy !req
1115. It was an accident,
I swear.Copy !req
1116. - Here, let me help you.
- No!Copy !req
1117. Get away!Copy !req
1118. Get away!Copy !req
1119. That's it, work together,Copy !req
1120. and we'll have Harriet
cleaned up in no time.Copy !req
1121. Don't worry, Harriet,Copy !req
1122. we'll all help you.Copy !req
1123. No, stop it.Copy !req
1124. I don't need your help.Copy !req
1125. You all get away!Copy !req
1126. No!Copy !req
1127. No!Copy !req
1128. Harriet!Copy !req
1129. Wait!Copy !req
1130. Whoa...Copy !req
1131. Well, that wasn't
very dignified.Copy !req
1132. "To be... or not to be...Copy !req
1133. "That is the question.Copy !req
1134. Wait.Copy !req
1135. Is that a question?Copy !req
1136. "Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind to sufferCopy !req
1137. "The slings and arrowsCopy !req
1138. "Of outrageous fortuneCopy !req
1139. "Or to take armsCopy !req
1140. "Against a sea of terriblesCopy !req
1141. "And by optioning, end them?Copy !req
1142. "To die...Copy !req
1143. I want to die.Copy !req
1144. "To sleep no moreCopy !req
1145. "And by a sleep to sayCopy !req
1146. "We end the heart-chatCopy !req
1147. "And the thousand
nags of shock...Copy !req
1148. "The fleshCopy !req
1149. "is here, too...Copy !req
1150. "'Tis a consummationCopy !req
1151. "Development to be wishedCopy !req
1152. To die... to sleep no more."Copy !req
1153. There are many signs that Tom
is changing from a boy to a man.Copy !req
1154. Tom is getting a deeper voiceCopy !req
1155. and sometimes it gives him
a little trouble.Copy !req
1156. Don't be insultingCopy !req
1157. my... friend.Copy !req
1158. This is an actual photograph
of vocal chords taken throughCopy !req
1159. a special instrument.Copy !req
1160. The chords vibrate
when the person breathes out.Copy !req
1161. The larynx is here
at the top of the windpipeCopy !req
1162. and is the housing
for the vocal cords.Copy !req
1163. Bra on a pole!
Bra on a pole!Copy !req
1164. Oh, no.Copy !req
1165. Hello, Marion.Copy !req
1166. Get away from me, Harriet.Copy !req
1167. Or what, you gonna
tell your father?Copy !req
1168. I heard my parents talking.Copy !req
1169. You don't have a father.Copy !req
1170. All those stories about
horseback riding are garbage.Copy !req
1171. You made them all up.Copy !req
1172. Your father lives in Amsterdam.Copy !req
1173. He hasn't seen you
in three years.Copy !req
1174. And you want to know why,
Marion?Copy !req
1175. 'Cause he
doesn't love you.Copy !req
1176. Move.Copy !req
1177. Harriet?Copy !req
1178. Harriet, come down here.Copy !req
1179. Harriet, what's happened to you?Copy !req
1180. We've gotten calls
from every parent at school.Copy !req
1181. They're all either
furious or terrified.Copy !req
1182. Marion Hawthorne
can't stop crying.Copy !req
1183. Laura Peters has locked herself
in the bathroomCopy !req
1184. and won't come out.Copy !req
1185. The only parents
we haven't heard fromCopy !req
1186. are Pinky Whitehead's.Copy !req
1187. I'm not answering that.Copy !req
1188. I always hated school myself.Copy !req
1189. No, now, see,
that's the problem.Copy !req
1190. What? I know...Copy !req
1191. Something is very wrong here,
Ben, and you needCopy !req
1192. to take this seriously.
- I am!Copy !req
1193. - No, come on.
- I'm just as serious as...Copy !req
1194. You know what you're doing.Copy !req
1195. - You're coming in and teasing...
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
1196. We have a really
bad situation.Copy !req
1197. We don't know what
the situation is at all.Copy !req
1198. You always come in and make
jokes and then I have to come inCopy !req
1199. Do we know
what the situation is?Copy !req
1200. and be the grumpy one.Copy !req
1201. Maybe we should find out
what it is.Copy !req
1202. I'm fine, I'm fine...Copy !req
1203. I'm fine,
I'm fine...Copy !req
1204. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine...Copy !req
1205. I'm fine!Copy !req
1206. No, sweetheart.Copy !req
1207. I can't understand
how this is fine.Copy !req
1208. Harriet, uh, uh,
can you explain this?Copy !req
1209. Well, what do we do now?Copy !req
1210. We can do anything you like.Copy !req
1211. What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
1212. How about a game?Copy !req
1213. Do you play chess?Copy !req
1214. Golly was going
to teach me, but...Copy !req
1215. Golly?Copy !req
1216. Who's he?Copy !req
1217. Just somebody.Copy !req
1218. You sit here and play
with this stuff all day?Copy !req
1219. Don't you have toys at home?Copy !req
1220. Yeah.Copy !req
1221. But I'm 11.Copy !req
1222. You stink.Copy !req
1223. What are you doing?Copy !req
1224. Just taking notes.Copy !req
1225. Are they the mean,Copy !req
1226. nasty kind...
or the regular kind?Copy !req
1227. Why?Copy !req
1228. Because...Copy !req
1229. I'm just telling you,Copy !req
1230. it's tough getting away
with the nasty kind these days.Copy !req
1231. Thanks for the advice.Copy !req
1232. Nobody ever takesCopy !req
1233. your notebook away from you,
I bet.Copy !req
1234. Tell you what.Copy !req
1235. How about I give
you a notebook.Copy !req
1236. Would you like that?Copy !req
1237. Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
1238. This guy's not bad.Copy !req
1239. Definitely one of those peopleCopy !req
1240. Golly says deserves
a closer look.Copy !req
1241. At least he knows the value
of a good notebook.Copy !req
1242. Harriet?Copy !req
1243. Hmm?Copy !req
1244. It's time to go.Copy !req
1245. Can I keep the notebook?Copy !req
1246. I'll have to talk
to your parents about that.Copy !req
1247. Well, what did he say?Copy !req
1248. What did he say?Copy !req
1249. Well, he says that, uh,
you're fine.Copy !req
1250. And, uh, you're a wonderful girl
and very smartCopy !req
1251. and you'll be
a terrific writer some day.Copy !req
1252. I could've told you that.Copy !req
1253. I didn't read it.Copy !req
1254. Good.Copy !req
1255. You know, Harriet,Copy !req
1256. uh, someday... when you grow up...
you might have children.Copy !req
1257. Doubt it.Copy !req
1258. Well, not tomorrow,Copy !req
1259. or soon, but some day.Copy !req
1260. Maybe.Copy !req
1261. And, if you do,Copy !req
1262. you're going to try really hard
to understand them.Copy !req
1263. But I keep telling you...Copy !req
1264. I know, you told me
about the notebook.Copy !req
1265. And even though
you're telling me,Copy !req
1266. and even though
I'm listening,Copy !req
1267. I still don't
understand it, Harriet.Copy !req
1268. Is that why you
took it away?Copy !req
1269. We made a mistake.Copy !req
1270. Don't do it
again, okay?Copy !req
1271. We try.Copy !req
1272. Mom?Copy !req
1273. Yeah?Copy !req
1274. Will you tuck me in?Copy !req
1275. Sure.Copy !req
1276. There we go.Copy !req
1277. Green.Copy !req
1278. G-R-E-E-N.Copy !req
1279. Aren't you going to work
on your notebook today?Copy !req
1280. Yeah. Pick a number.Copy !req
1281. Seven.Copy !req
1282. One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.Copy !req
1283. All right.Copy !req
1284. "Turn around."Copy !req
1285. That's not a fortune.Copy !req
1286. Turn around.Copy !req
1287. Why?Copy !req
1288. Turn around.Copy !req
1289. Golly?Copy !req
1290. Golly!Copy !req
1291. Why, Harriet the Spy,Copy !req
1292. I believe you've grown
a full inch.Copy !req
1293. Nuh-uh.Copy !req
1294. You certainly have grown.Copy !req
1295. Oh, Golly!Copy !req
1296. So what do I do now, Golly?Copy !req
1297. "Beauty is truth,
truth beauty.Copy !req
1298. "That is all
ye know on EarthCopy !req
1299. and all ye need
to know."Copy !req
1300. John Keats.Copy !req
1301. What is that
supposed to mean?Copy !req
1302. It means you've
got trouble.Copy !req
1303. You wrote down the
truth in your notebook,Copy !req
1304. and your friends, who weren't
supposed to see it, did.Copy !req
1305. Now there are only two
things for you to do,Copy !req
1306. and you're not going to
like either one of them.Copy !req
1307. Like what?Copy !req
1308. Well, you have to apologize
and you have to lie.Copy !req
1309. But you said never to lie.Copy !req
1310. I know, I did.Copy !req
1311. Let me see how
I can explain this.Copy !req
1312. Sometimes a little lie that
makes people feel betterCopy !req
1313. isn't really wrong.Copy !req
1314. You know, like,
you can thank someoneCopy !req
1315. for a meal they cooked you,
even if you hated it.Copy !req
1316. You could tell a sick friend
that they look better,Copy !req
1317. even if they don't.Copy !req
1318. Sometimes a really small lie
can be a really big help.Copy !req
1319. They tried to squash me
like a bug.Copy !req
1320. It's too hard.Copy !req
1321. It's not worth it.Copy !req
1322. Aw, never say
that, Harriet.Copy !req
1323. You're worth it.Copy !req
1324. You're an individual,
and you know something?Copy !req
1325. That makes people nervous.Copy !req
1326. And it's going to keep making
people nervous your whole life.Copy !req
1327. My whole life?Copy !req
1328. Yep.Copy !req
1329. What do I do?Copy !req
1330. You stay true to Harriet
and you accept the cost.Copy !req
1331. Now, come on.Copy !req
1332. That's enough lessons
for today, okay?Copy !req
1333. You're 11.Copy !req
1334. I think it's time for you
to start writing somethingCopy !req
1335. other than notes.Copy !req
1336. Like what?Copy !req
1337. You'll think of something.Copy !req
1338. Can't you come back
for just a little while?Copy !req
1339. Oh, no, I never go back.
Only forward.Copy !req
1340. And you know what else?Copy !req
1341. Good friends are one
of life's blessings.Copy !req
1342. Don't give them up
without a fight.Copy !req
1343. Replicate.
Replicate.Copy !req
1344. Stupid spores.Copy !req
1345. Hi, Janie.Copy !req
1346. Look what you made me do.Copy !req
1347. This stuff is going to eatCopy !req
1348. right through the floor.Copy !req
1349. Three months of incubation
down the porcelain pee hole.Copy !req
1350. If you roll the rug over it,
it won't show so much.Copy !req
1351. Oh, so next time you
can ruin the rug?Copy !req
1352. No.Copy !req
1353. Then why are you here?Copy !req
1354. I just want to say that...Copy !req
1355. What?Copy !req
1356. Forget it.Copy !req
1357. Fine.Copy !req
1358. Forget it.Copy !req
1359. I'm sorry, Janie, okay?Copy !req
1360. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1361. Will you take a look at this.Copy !req
1362. Huh? Huh?Copy !req
1363. What do you think of your
old man now, Sport?Copy !req
1364. 10,000 smackaroos.Copy !req
1365. No more paying with change.Copy !req
1366. No more, no more spaghetti.Copy !req
1367. Going to feel like steak.Copy !req
1368. And you know those fancy
basketball sneakersCopy !req
1369. with the, with the
buckles and the VelcroCopy !req
1370. and the crap all over them?Copy !req
1371. Their yours, buddy boy,
all yours.Copy !req
1372. Hello?Copy !req
1373. Murray.Copy !req
1374. Hey, hey,
I take it all back.Copy !req
1375. All agents
aren't useless.Copy !req
1376. Oh, I'm kidding you,
I'm kidding you, man.Copy !req
1377. You know I was always
in your corner.Copy !req
1378. Oh, yeah, I knew
you'd come through.Copy !req
1379. Well, Sport and I
are gonna doCopy !req
1380. a little celebrating today...Copy !req
1381. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
1382. Sold his book?Copy !req
1383. Got a real job.Copy !req
1384. Hey, Harriet, you
hear the good news?Copy !req
1385. You're a writer.Copy !req
1386. So how's it feel?Copy !req
1387. Oh, big slice off heaven,Copy !req
1388. side order of fries.Copy !req
1389. Say, you hungry?Copy !req
1390. I feel like going
to the fanciest,Copy !req
1391. schmanciest
restaurant in town.Copy !req
1392. We'll abuse the waiter.Copy !req
1393. Who's with me? Harriet?Copy !req
1394. She can't come.Copy !req
1395. What do you mean,
she can't come?Copy !req
1396. You haven't even asked her.Copy !req
1397. I said she can't come.Copy !req
1398. You can't be my friend
if you're not my friend.Copy !req
1399. I'm sorry, Sport.Copy !req
1400. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1401. No one will forgive me.Copy !req
1402. Things will never be the same.Copy !req
1403. I have nothing left to lose.Copy !req
1404. Someone told me
the only reasonCopy !req
1405. you guys play with me is
because of my mom's cake.Copy !req
1406. Well, it is very good cake.Copy !req
1407. Yeah, but how come we get
these pieces and you get those?Copy !req
1408. We told you,
we're officers.Copy !req
1409. And we need our strength.Copy !req
1410. You get to fix the clubhouse.Copy !req
1411. Somebody's dreaming.Copy !req
1412. I am so bored.Copy !req
1413. If you don't like it,
you can leave.Copy !req
1414. Hey, you're right.Copy !req
1415. Wait up.Copy !req
1416. Anybody sick of
listening to herCopy !req
1417. ought to get a life.Copy !req
1418. Okay, but you can't come back!Copy !req
1419. We're voting! It's official!Copy !req
1420. Shh! Teacher!
There she is.Copy !req
1421. Good morning.Copy !req
1422. Today, we are...Copy !req
1423. Yes, Harriet?Copy !req
1424. Miss Elson,
I've been thinking a lot,Copy !req
1425. and you know how class presidentCopy !req
1426. automatically gets to be editor
of the sixth grade newspaper?Copy !req
1427. Yes.Copy !req
1428. Well, I think...Copy !req
1429. I think that it's
too much for one personCopy !req
1430. and that it's not fair
to everybodyCopy !req
1431. because everybody
deserves a chance.Copy !req
1432. And...Copy !req
1433. And we should change it.Copy !req
1434. Objection!Copy !req
1435. This isn't a courtroom, Marion.Copy !req
1436. I like that idea, Harriet.Copy !req
1437. Let's see what the class thinks.Copy !req
1438. Miss Elson, I thinkCopy !req
1439. I speak for everyone when I sayCopy !req
1440. this is, this is a really,
really stupid idea.Copy !req
1441. That is one opinion.Copy !req
1442. But let's take a vote.Copy !req
1443. Marion is now editor
of the Guidepost.Copy !req
1444. Would anyone like to nominate
another candidate?Copy !req
1445. Well, I guess if no one
has anything to say...Copy !req
1446. I have something to say.Copy !req
1447. I think that Harriet's
a very good writer and...Copy !req
1448. if we only listen
to one person's opinionCopy !req
1449. we may never
get anywhere new.Copy !req
1450. But Harriet might have
something very originalCopy !req
1451. and I'd like to read
what she has to write.Copy !req
1452. Is there a second?Copy !req
1453. I second it.Copy !req
1454. I third it.Copy !req
1455. Okay, then.Copy !req
1456. Harriet Welsch is now
a candidate for editor.Copy !req
1457. Who votes for Harriet?Copy !req
1458. That... is that.Copy !req
1459. Yes.Copy !req
1460. I am on a mission
to be a great writer.Copy !req
1461. A good friend once told meCopy !req
1462. that all great writers
try to see everything.Copy !req
1463. Okay, here goes:Copy !req
1464. I knew this guy once.Copy !req
1465. He used to be a bajillionaire.Copy !req
1466. Now he rides a bike.Copy !req
1467. Want to know the freaky part?Copy !req
1468. He says the bike's better.Copy !req
1469. Please write in
if you think he's lying.Copy !req
1470. There's a difference
between looking at stuffCopy !req
1471. and really seeing it.Copy !req
1472. Look who's here.Copy !req
1473. Give them some bread, huh?Copy !req
1474. Here you are.Copy !req
1475. To really see,Copy !req
1476. you've got to get a closer look.Copy !req
1477. Why, thank you.Copy !req
1478. So much.Copy !req
1479. A cabbage.Copy !req
1480. Carrots in here for you.Copy !req
1481. And a sausage.Copy !req
1482. I've noticed that, sometimes,Copy !req
1483. stuff you think
is broken foreverCopy !req
1484. is actually totally fixable.Copy !req
1485. But some stuff is supposed
to fall apart.Copy !req
1486. Speaking of which,Copy !req
1487. certain high ranking officials
of a certainCopy !req
1488. secret club had better
de-dorkify themselvesCopy !req
1489. in a hurry...Copy !req
1490. or else everybody's going backCopy !req
1491. to where they were
in the first place.Copy !req
1492. This reporter believesCopy !req
1493. that de-dorkification
is a difficult,Copy !req
1494. but not impossible, process.Copy !req
1495. Mostly, you've got to want
to be cured.Copy !req
1496. But I'm pretty sure
it's a two steps forward,Copy !req
1497. one step back kind of deal.Copy !req
1498. In theater news, Miss Elson's
sixth grade holiday pageantCopy !req
1499. was the theatrical controversy
of the season.Copy !req
1500. Some were happy to see it,Copy !req
1501. and who am I to argue?Copy !req
1502. Others say... it stunk.Copy !req
1503. This reporter has no comment.Copy !req
1504. And, hey, stupid school board,Copy !req
1505. give Miss Elson a raise,
would you?Copy !req
1506. She's not so bad,
as teachers go.Copy !req
1507. And she puts up with a lot.Copy !req
1508. There's evidence to suggest
that Janie GibbsCopy !req
1509. will grow up to be
the world's greatest scientist.Copy !req
1510. So far, she has shown amazing
progress in the areasCopy !req
1511. of mold manipulation
and chemical combustibles.Copy !req
1512. We have also learned
that Sport's fatherCopy !req
1513. is rolling in dough
from his latest book,Copy !req
1514. which just goes to show,
if you stick to what you love...Copy !req
1515. and work like a dog...
you will succeed.Copy !req
1516. For those of you who don't know,
a retractionCopy !req
1517. is when a newspaper
takes something back.Copy !req
1518. This newspaper would like
to retract certain statementsCopy !req
1519. in a certain notebookCopy !req
1520. which may have hurt
certain people's feelings.Copy !req
1521. They were lies.Copy !req
1522. And those that weren't lies...Copy !req
1523. were mean.Copy !req
1524. Like, just because
a person's father is far awayCopy !req
1525. does not mean
he doesn't love you.Copy !req
1526. Anyway, don't think about it.Copy !req
1527. The truth is important,Copy !req
1528. but so are your friends.Copy !req
1529. And if you can have them both,
then it's a good life.Copy !req
1530. Until next issue, I remain
your faithful correspondent,Copy !req
1531. Harriet M. Welsch.Copy !req
1532. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1533. And dance till you feel betterCopy !req
1534. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1535. And dance till you...
sing it nowCopy !req
1536. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1537. And dance till you feel betterCopy !req
1538. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1539. Just try to release
that pressureCopy !req
1540. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1541. And shake till you feel betterCopy !req
1542. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1543. And shake... say it nowCopy !req
1544. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1545. And shake till you feel betterCopy !req
1546. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1547. Try to release that pressureCopy !req
1548. Get up off...Copy !req
1549. HuhCopy !req
1550. Good GodCopy !req
1551. So goodCopy !req
1552. UhhCopy !req
1553. Everybody ready?Copy !req
1554. Follow meCopy !req
1555. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1556. And shake till you feel betterCopy !req
1557. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1558. And shake till you...
say it nowCopy !req
1559. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1560. And shake till you feel betterCopy !req
1561. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1562. Just try to release
that pressureCopy !req
1563. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1564. And shake till you feel betterCopy !req
1565. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1566. And shake till you...
sing it nowCopy !req
1567. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1568. And shake till you feel betterCopy !req
1569. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1570. Ooh... so goodCopy !req
1571. Huh!Copy !req
1572. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
1573. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1574. Eew, a stink bomb!Copy !req
1575. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1576. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1577. Dance till you feel betterCopy !req
1578. Get up offa that thingCopy !req
1579. Just try to release
that pressureCopy !req
1580. Wait a minuteCopy !req
1581. FunkyCopy !req
1582. I need it.Copy !req
1583. A crack in the doorCopy !req
1584. A slit in the vinesCopy !req
1585. A hole in the fenceCopy !req
1586. So easy to findCopy !req
1587. People doing people thingsCopy !req
1588. Whatever that might beCopy !req
1589. They go on
about their businessCopy !req
1590. Too wrapped up to seeCopy !req
1591. In the shadowsCopy !req
1592. My unblinking eyeCopy !req
1593. I love...
the secretive lifeCopy !req
1594. I hide in the park,
behind a bushCopy !req
1595. I see runners and skatersCopy !req
1596. And a half naked man
showing off his tattoosCopy !req
1597. And I see old Mr. Gray
in his bad toupeeCopy !req
1598. With some dumb girl
about half his ageCopy !req
1599. - People doing people things
- Definitely not his wifeCopy !req
1600. Are calling out to meCopy !req
1601. All their grand
and foolish schemesCopy !req
1602. It's better than TVCopy !req
1603. They're so funny,
I could almost cryCopy !req
1604. I love...
the secretive lifeCopy !req
1605. There's Johnny's dad
on his third martiniCopy !req
1606. And his nose
is getting biggerCopy !req
1607. As I watch him through
the kitchen windowCopy !req
1608. They really oughta
close those blindsCopy !req
1609. And under my coat,
I got a microrecorderCopy !req
1610. A pad, and a pencil,
and a picture of youCopy !req
1611. I can't believe you did thatCopy !req
1612. I see two love birds
walking byCopy !req
1613. With that sick and dreamy
look in their eyeCopy !req
1614. And there's a big fat cop
with a Magnum mustacheCopy !req
1615. Trying so hard to look meanCopy !req
1616. The secretive lifeCopy !req