1. Billy Boy!
Get your ass ready.
Copy !req
2. It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy
needs to get his drink on.
Copy !req
3. - No, no, no. Give me that...
- No, don't.
Copy !req
4. - Or I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
- Stop that.
Copy !req
5. Dude, it's been six months.
It's time to move on, okay?
Copy !req
6. Whatever. I mean, even if
I wanted to meet other women,
Copy !req
7. I wouldn't even know what to do.
Copy !req
8. I've been out of the game
for so long.
Copy !req
9. Billy, you come out with me tonight,
I promise you will get laid.
Copy !req
10. Yeah, it... it sounds very tempting,
Copy !req
11. but Berenson needs me to update
these financial models
Copy !req
12. for the meeting
with the foreign investors.
Copy !req
13. So what?
It's Friday night.
Copy !req
14. The Germans are taking
an early flight back.
Copy !req
15. The meeting got changed
to tomorrow.
Copy !req
16. So? Why don't you
just get somebody else
Copy !req
17. to do your work for you?
Copy !req
18. Who?
Copy !req
19. Harold, I need you to update
those models for me.
Copy !req
20. - But, Billy, aren't you supposed to...
- I know. Something just came up.
Copy !req
21. I have this meeting
with these new clients tonight,
Copy !req
22. and I'm never gonna have time
to get to those. So...
Copy !req
23. that's your
responsibility now, big boy.
Copy !req
24. Uh, make sure those are in
by 9:00 sharp tomorrow.
Copy !req
25. With all the downsizing
that's been going on around here,
Copy !req
26. we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson
you've been slacking, now would we?
Copy !req
27. Um...
Copy !req
28. Yeah.
Copy !req
29. Okay, no problem.
Copy !req
30. Hey.
Copy !req
31. You have a great weekend,
okay, buddy?
Copy !req
32. I owe you one.
Just one.
Copy !req
33. Thank you.
Copy !req
34. Wow! That was amazing.
I cannot believe how easy that was.
Copy !req
35. Dude, how do you think
I get all my shit done?
Copy !req
36. I'm telling you, those Asian guys
love crunching numbers.
Copy !req
37. You probably
just made his weekend.
Copy !req
38. Fuck.
Copy !req
39. An excellent point, Mr. Patel.
Copy !req
40. You are one of the finest applicants
I have ever interviewed.
Copy !req
41. - Thank you.
- And it comes as no surprise.
Copy !req
42. Your father
is highly respected in his field.
Copy !req
43. As you probably heard
from your old man,
Copy !req
44. he and I had some pretty wild times
back in med school.
Copy !req
45. Really?
Copy !req
46. Oh, yeah. We started
our own basketball team...
Copy !req
47. The Hemoglobin Trotters.
Copy !req
48. Hemo-globin Trotters... get it?
Copy !req
49. A play on the name of the famous
colored, uh, negro basketball squad...
Copy !req
50. Black, African-American.
Copy !req
51. You know, people of colors.
Copy !req
52. Let's end up with one final question,
just as a formality.
Copy !req
53. What are some potential
symptoms of pancreatitis?
Copy !req
54. Uh, well, you would have,
uh, epigastric tenderness,
Copy !req
55. uh, diffuse of abdominal tenderness...
Copy !req
56. I'm sorry.
Can you hold on one second?
Copy !req
57. Oh.
Copy !req
58. Kumar's phone.
Kumar speaking.
Copy !req
59. Hey, what's up? It's me.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
60. Nothing important. I can talk.
What's going on?
Copy !req
61. Listen, uh, I can't...
I can't party tonight, okay?
Copy !req
62. I gotta stay late at the office.
Copy !req
63. Dude, fuck that shit.
We had plans.
Copy !req
64. I know, but I... I got
a lot of work to do.
Copy !req
65. When has getting high ever
prevented you from doing your work?
Copy !req
66. Oh! Jesus!
Copy !req
67. Aah!
Copy !req
68. Believe me,
I would love to come home, okay?
Copy !req
69. - But I got a lot of work to do.
- Thank you. I'll do that.
Copy !req
70. I just got a quarter of the finest herb
in New York City,
Copy !req
71. and I'm not smoking
that shit alone, okay?
Copy !req
72. So you need to just chill the fuck out
and prepare to get blazed
Copy !req
73. because in the next couple of hours,
Copy !req
74. I expect both of us to be
blitzed out of our skulls, got it?
Copy !req
75. All right, I got it.
Copy !req
76. I'll talk to you later.
Uh, where was I?
Copy !req
77. Oh, we've got the, uh,
severe anal discharge,
Copy !req
78. sometimes violent... a.k.a. Diarrhea.
Copy !req
79. Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar
with diarrhea.
Copy !req
80. Do you actually believe
after the way you've just behaved
Copy !req
81. that I would ever even consider
recommending you for admission?
Copy !req
82. No. I'm gonna
be honest with you.
Copy !req
83. The only reason I'm applying
Copy !req
84. is so my dad
will keep paying for my apartment.
Copy !req
85. I really don't have a desire
to go to med school.
Copy !req
86. But you have perfect MCAT scores.
Copy !req
87. Yeah. Just 'cause you're
hung like a moose
Copy !req
88. doesn't mean you gotta do porn.
Copy !req
89. Get out! Bernadette,
show this young man to the door!
Copy !req
90. And please bring in
some fresh diarrhe... dry towels!
Copy !req
91. Yes!
Copy !req
92. Right in front of the door.
Copy !req
93. This is America, dude!
Learn how to drive!
Copy !req
94. Better "ruck" tomorrow!
Copy !req
95. - Extreme!
- Fucking assholes.
Copy !req
96. Fuck.
Copy !req
97. Okay.
Copy !req
98. Be yourself.
Don't be nervous.
Copy !req
99. So, Maria, what's been goin' on?
Copy !req
100. Ohh!
Copy !req
101. I actually had a very long week
at work. How about you?
Copy !req
102. Work was good.
I caught up on some sleep.
Copy !req
103. Plus, the guy who works next to me
decided to bathe for a change.
Copy !req
104. Really?
Copy !req
105. So what are you up to tonight?
Copy !req
106. Actually, I'm just gonna
be sitting on my ass,
Copy !req
107. probably eat a whole pint
of Häagen-Dazs
Copy !req
108. while I watch Blind Date.
Copy !req
109. Well, that sou... that...
That sounds awful.
Copy !req
110. Listen, if you want some company,
Copy !req
111. maybe you can come over
and sit on your ass at my place.
Copy !req
112. That sounds nice.
Copy !req
113. Oh.
Copy !req
114. Um...
Copy !req
115. Bye.
Copy !req
116. Bye. Bye.
Copy !req
117. Kumar.
Copy !req
118. Yo, Kumar.
Copy !req
119. Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
Copy !req
120. I'm trimming my pubes.
Copy !req
121. Why aren't you
doing this in your room, man?
Copy !req
122. The mirror's in here.
Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree.
Copy !req
123. Hey!
Copy !req
124. Besides, man, it makes
your johnson look totally bigger.
Copy !req
125. Please!
Copy !req
126. Are those my scissors?
Copy !req
127. Dude, I trim my nose hair
with those!
Copy !req
128. Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair
with them for the past six months.
Copy !req
129. Get out!
Get out of my room.
Copy !req
130. Kumar, it is daddy.
Copy !req
131. I hope your interview today was good.
Copy !req
132. I'm calling to remind you
that you have another one tomorrow
Copy !req
133. with Dr. Wein from Cornell
at 10 a.m. Do not be late.
Copy !req
134. - Hook it up, bi-atch.
- Let's do this.
Copy !req
135. Oww! Fuck!
Copy !req
136. See?
Copy !req
137. In tonight's top story,
Copy !req
138. a cheetah escaped earlier today
from the Morristown Zoo.
Copy !req
139. Oh, nice.
Sixteen Candles is on, man.
Copy !req
140. And the award for the least
heterosexual statement
Copy !req
141. ever made
in this apartment goes to...
Copy !req
142. Harold Lee.
Copy !req
143. Come on down, man.
Take a bow.
Copy !req
144. Shut up, man. It's a classic.
Copy !req
145. It's a very beautiful story
about someone
Copy !req
146. who feels unnoticed,
unappreciated, unloved, you know?
Copy !req
147. Turn it.
Copy !req
148. - It's a good one, though.
- Homo.
Copy !req
149. Come on, dude.
Just take one hit.
Copy !req
150. Don't you wanna be cool?
Copy !req
151. Hey, man, what are you doin'?
Copy !req
152. I'm so high!
Copy !req
153. Nothing can hurt me.
Copy !req
154. Nooooo!
Copy !req
155. Marijuana kills.
Copy !req
156. - I love that shit.
- We're so high right now.
Copy !req
157. We're not low.
Copy !req
158. Oh, dude, I don't know about you,
but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls.
Copy !req
159. Yeah, no shit, dude. Let's eat.
Copy !req
160. Hey, no, no,
I don't feel like delivery tonight.
Copy !req
161. What about KFC? Yeah!
Copy !req
162. No, no, no. We've been there
too many times.
Copy !req
163. I want something
we haven't had in a while.
Copy !req
164. Something different,
something that'll really hit the spot.
Copy !req
165. I want the perfect food.
Copy !req
166. Are you hungry?
Copy !req
167. Then come to White Castle
and try our Slyder Special...
Copy !req
168. Six burgers, fries, and a soft drink...
Copy !req
169. For only $2.99.
Copy !req
170. Imagine all those burgers
in your stomach right now.
Copy !req
171. Mm-mmm...
Copy !req
172. Don't you like food
that's tasty and delicious?
Copy !req
173. I do.
Copy !req
174. Then what are you waiting for?
Copy !req
175. Head over to White Castle.
It's what you crave.
Copy !req
176. You sure
you know how to get there?
Copy !req
177. I haven't been
to White Castle in ages.
Copy !req
178. Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by
that multiplex in New Brunswick.
Copy !req
179. Nice.
Copy !req
180. - Rosenberg!
- Goldstein!
Copy !req
181. - Hey, yo, Manny and Shevitz.
- Nice.
Copy !req
182. Get up.
We're going to White Castle.
Copy !req
183. No, no, we're watching
The Gift on HBO.
Copy !req
184. No, no, no.
No watching. We're starving.
Copy !req
185. - Hey, put that back.
- Ow!
Copy !req
186. No eating until we get
to White Castle. Yo, let's roll.
Copy !req
187. Sorry, kids, we ain't going nowhere.
Copy !req
188. Supposedly Katie Holmes
shows her titties in this movie.
Copy !req
189. Is that all you Jews
ever think about... tits?
Copy !req
190. Katie Holmes is a nice,
respectable, wholesome girl.
Copy !req
191. And I'm gonna see her boobs.
Copy !req
192. The things I would eat
out of her ass... you have no idea!
Copy !req
193. Ohh! That is a completely
vulgar statement.
Copy !req
194. So is "I want to bang Britney Spears
on the bathroom floor."
Copy !req
195. But it's true.
Copy !req
196. Touché.
Copy !req
197. Well, hey, listen, if...
Copy !req
198. I think Kumar's a faygele.
Copy !req
199. - They're totally gay for each other.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
200. - Hey, you wanna suck on this?
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
201. Mmmm!
Copy !req
202. What the hell are you
bringing your bag for?
Copy !req
203. Try to get some work done
in the car.
Copy !req
204. - Here, you're driving.
- Shit, I forgot my cell phone.
Copy !req
205. You wanna run back and get it?
Copy !req
206. - No, we've gone too far.
- Mmm.
Copy !req
207. Hey, there's your girlfriend.
Copy !req
208. You actually gonna talk to her this time,
or are you gonna be a fuckin'...
Copy !req
209. Vagina McGinastein about it?
Copy !req
210. What the hell are you doing?
Copy !req
211. You could've asked her if she wanted
to come to White Castle with us.
Copy !req
212. Hold the elevator. Wait!
Copy !req
213. Hey...
Copy !req
214. You're worthless.
Copy !req
215. I'm not worthwhile.
Copy !req
216. Just fucking talk to her once,
and it won't be weird anymore.
Copy !req
217. Look, it doesn't matter.
Copy !req
218. The only girls who are interested in me
are girls I have no interest in.
Copy !req
219. Like Cindy Kim.
Copy !req
220. Oh, speaking of Cindy,
she called earlier.
Copy !req
221. One of those Asian clubs she's in
is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.
Copy !req
222. God, she invites me to everything.
Copy !req
223. So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute.
Let her touch your penis.
Copy !req
224. Oh, look.
Copy !req
225. It's the Brothers McFag.
Copy !req
226. Let me guess... the one
with the purse is the catcher.
Copy !req
227. Come on, guys, let's get ourselves
some fucking Mountain Dew.
Copy !req
228. Extreme!
Copy !req
229. Yeah, extreme assholes.
Copy !req
230. Why do I have to be the catcher?
Copy !req
231. Dude, forget about those pricks.
Let's just get some food.
Copy !req
232. I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat,
like, 20 of those burgers, man.
Copy !req
233. Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers
and raise you 5 orders of fries.
Copy !req
234. Dude, give me 35 cents.
Copy !req
235. What's going on?
It didn't register.
Copy !req
236. - What?
- Uh, give me 35 more cents.
Copy !req
237. I don't have any more change.
Copy !req
238. Uh... should I just go through?
Copy !req
239. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't like breaking the law.
Copy !req
240. Yeah, I can see that.
Copy !req
241. Hey, move your ass!
Copy !req
242. I'm sorry. Hold... hold on.
Copy !req
243. - I'm going through.
- Fuck!
Copy !req
244. No, don't. No. No. Hold on.
Copy !req
245. Let me, uh... let me walk
over to a manned tollbooth...
Copy !req
246. and I'll tell them what happened.
Copy !req
247. - Sorry!
- Move, you fuckin' twat!
Copy !req
248. What's the fuck's
wrong with you?
Copy !req
249. Shit.
Copy !req
250. Move, you retarded cocksucker!
Move!
Copy !req
251. You fucking...? Are you crazy?
Copy !req
252. What?
Copy !req
253. Dude, what are you doing?
Why you throwing the weed out?
Copy !req
254. - The cops are gonna catch us.
- No, they're not. Not for that.
Copy !req
255. - Take this exit.
- What?
Copy !req
256. - Take this exit!
- No!
Copy !req
257. Dude!
Copy !req
258. You know,
that was the last of our weed.
Copy !req
259. Sorry. I get a little
paranoid sometimes, you know?
Copy !req
260. Yeah, well, now we're in Newark,
of all places.
Copy !req
261. You know we're gonna get shot.
Copy !req
262. Maybe it's not as bad as they say.
Copy !req
263. Maybe it's just a bunch
of hype, you know?
Copy !req
264. Check it out. Those guys
look like a lame version of us.
Copy !req
265. Ooohhh!
Copy !req
266. Holy shit!
Copy !req
267. Ooohhh!
Copy !req
268. Let's get the fuck outta here.
Copy !req
269. Go! Go!
Drive! Drive!
Copy !req
270. Yeah,
that was your fault.
Copy !req
271. - Fuck you.
- Fuck you!
Copy !req
272. Yo, check it out.
We're almost there.
Copy !req
273. Thank God.
I'm starving.
Copy !req
274. Hello, New Brunswick!
Copy !req
275. Prepare to gorge yourself.
Copy !req
276. You know! Yeah,
we need some tunage for this.
Copy !req
277. Uh, presets! Presets!
Use the presets.
Copy !req
278. Oh, come on, dude,
your whole life is preset.
Copy !req
279. Try something new.
Copy !req
280. Where is this place?
Copy !req
281. Isn't it supposed to be
right around here?
Copy !req
282. Yeah, chill. We'll find it.
Copy !req
283. Wait a second, wait a second...
Is that the multiplex?
Copy !req
284. Yes. Sweet!
Copy !req
285. That means
the White Castle should be...
Copy !req
286. Right around the corner.
Copy !req
287. What the hell's going on, Kumar?
Copy !req
288. That does not look like
a White Castle to me.
Copy !req
289. Uh-uh.
Yeah, we gotta check this out.
Copy !req
290. Hey, look here, fellas.
Copy !req
291. You guys gonna have to order
from the drive-thru menu.
Copy !req
292. What happened to the White Castle?
Copy !req
293. What?
Copy !req
294. There used to be a White Castle
right here in this location.
Copy !req
295. Where is it?
Copy !req
296. I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, guys,
Copy !req
297. but Burger Shack, they bought
this location about four years ago.
Copy !req
298. God!
Copy !req
299. Please tell me there's
another White Castle in town.
Copy !req
300. - No.
- Are you sure?
Copy !req
301. Do I look like the kind of brother
Copy !req
302. that would be unsure
about something like that?
Copy !req
303. Shit!
What are we gonna do?
Copy !req
304. I don't know, man.
Should we just eat here?
Copy !req
305. Hey. Psst.
Copy !req
306. There's a White Castle
that's open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill.
Copy !req
307. It's about 45 minutes from here.
Copy !req
308. I can make the trip if you're willing to.
Copy !req
309. Kumar, I got a shitload
of work to finish.
Copy !req
310. You got that
med school interview, my man.
Copy !req
311. Whoa, forget about the med school
interview. It's a non-issue.
Copy !req
312. What do you mean it's a non-issue?
Copy !req
313. Ding-dong!
May I interject for a second?
Copy !req
314. As a Burger Shack employee
for the past three years,
Copy !req
315. if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that if you're craving White Castle,
Copy !req
316. the burgers here just don't cut it.
Copy !req
317. In fact...
Copy !req
318. just thinking about those
tender little White Castle burgers
Copy !req
319. with those little,
itty-bitty grilled onions
Copy !req
320. that just explode
in your mouth like flavor crystals
Copy !req
321. every time you bite into one...
Copy !req
322. just makes me want
to burn this motherfucker down.
Copy !req
323. Come on, Pookie,
let's burn this motherfucker down!
Copy !req
324. Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it!
Copy !req
325. Pookie, let's burn this
motherfucker down!
Copy !req
326. Let's burn it down!
Let's burn it!
Copy !req
327. So, uh...
Copy !req
328. you guys maybe should just
suck it up and go to White Castle.
Copy !req
329. You can always get
your work done in the car.
Copy !req
330. - Let's do it.
- All right. Awesome.
Copy !req
331. Then listen, listen... no matter what,
we are not ending this night
Copy !req
332. without White Castle in our stomachs.
Copy !req
333. - Agreed?
- Agreed.
Copy !req
334. Wise choice.
Copy !req
335. Because you guys might have
wanted to stay away
Copy !req
336. from our special sauce tonight.
Copy !req
337. Me and Pookie,
we added a secret ingredient.
Copy !req
338. I'll give you a hint.
Copy !req
339. It's semen.
Copy !req
340. It's semen!
Copy !req
341. Animal semen.
Copy !req
342. Aaahhh!
Copy !req
343. Dude, remember when Goldstein
used to work at that burger place?
Copy !req
344. Ugh!
Copy !req
345. This is the most fucking
confusing movie I've ever seen...
Copy !req
346. She's possessed,
she's not possessed.
Copy !req
347. Dude, that rack better be stacked.
Copy !req
348. - Oh, tits! Tits!
- Boobies, boobies, boobies.
Copy !req
349. Holy shit! Whoa!
Copy !req
350. Those aren't real.
Yes, they are.
Copy !req
351. You know, I'm almost
completely sober right now.
Copy !req
352. Wish we had some more weed.
Copy !req
353. Sorry.
Copy !req
354. Princeton.
Copy !req
355. - Yeah, we're getting off here.
- Why?
Copy !req
356. Because we're gonna sweet-talk
Cindy Kim into finding us some weed.
Copy !req
357. No!
Copy !req
358. Why not? You talk to her
on the phone all the time.
Copy !req
359. She calls me.
Copy !req
360. Then she rambles on about her
East Asian Students Club or whatever.
Copy !req
361. Then I have to actually pretend
that I give a shit
Copy !req
362. or else she calls me a Twinkie.
Copy !req
363. - No.
- A what?
Copy !req
364. Twinkie... yellow on the outside,
white on the inside.
Copy !req
365. Look, you Twinkie bitch,
Copy !req
366. you were the one that threw
our weed out the window, okay?
Copy !req
367. So we're going to Princeton,
Copy !req
368. and it's your responsibility
to make sure we're high as shit
Copy !req
369. by the time
we're eating those burgers.
Copy !req
370. Forget it.
End of discussion.
Copy !req
371. I am not seeing Cindy Kim.
Copy !req
372. Harold, I'm so glad
you showed up.
Copy !req
373. Yeah, me too.
Copy !req
374. Did you like the hibiscus petals
I glued to the envelope I sent you?
Copy !req
375. Yeah, they were...
They were nice.
Copy !req
376. Hey, dude, you know
where I can get some green?
Copy !req
377. Dude, you know where
I can get some chronic?
Copy !req
378. Jesus, what the hell kind of
Ivy League school is this?
Copy !req
379. Hey! Hey!
Copy !req
380. Over here, man.
Copy !req
381. You lookin' to toke up?
Copy !req
382. - Yes.
- Yes?
Copy !req
383. Oh, thank Christ. Look, just give me
a dime of your finest sticky.
Copy !req
384. You wanna see
sticky-icky, my friend?
Copy !req
385. - Oooohhhh!
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
386. - Whoa, man!
- Ow!
Copy !req
387. Don't touch, man.
That's not cool.
Copy !req
388. You can't...
Copy !req
389. - Ow!
- Jeez! This is my baby!
Copy !req
390. Yes?
Copy !req
391. Kenneth Park, class of 2004.
Copy !req
392. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
393. Is it true you're an analyst
for Brewster Keegan?
Copy !req
394. Yes, I'm a junior analyst.
Copy !req
395. Awesome!
Copy !req
396. I told you, he's good.
Copy !req
397. Yes.
Copy !req
398. This is actually a two-part question.
Copy !req
399. I'm applying for a summer
internship at Brewster Keegan.
Copy !req
400. I was wondering, a, what's it like
being an investment banker,
Copy !req
401. and, b, would you write me
a recommendation?
Copy !req
402. Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.
Copy !req
403. - 80 bucks?
- Yeah, 80 bucks.
Copy !req
404. Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro.
Copy !req
405. "Bro"?
I'm not your bro, bro.
Copy !req
406. Okay, and that's 80 bucks.
Copy !req
407. You don't feel like
getting high tonight?
Copy !req
408. If you don't feel like...
Like getting high, that's cool with me,
Copy !req
409. because there's lots of people
around here. See this guy?
Copy !req
410. - Hey, loser.
- I smoke buds with that...
Copy !req
411. Hey, what's up, George?
I smoke buds with George all the time.
Copy !req
412. What kind of hippie are you?
Copy !req
413. What kind of hippie am I?
Man, I'm a business hippie.
Copy !req
414. I understand the concept
of supply and demand.
Copy !req
415. "What's it like
being an investment banker?"
Copy !req
416. To be honest with you,
it's actually pretty aw...
Copy !req
417. awesome.
Copy !req
418. Excellent!
Copy !req
419. As... as for the recommendation,
Copy !req
420. you know, I guess
I can make a couple calls.
Copy !req
421. Actually, Harold,
we should be getting to the party.
Copy !req
422. We can discuss all this stuff
on the way there.
Copy !req
423. - It's just down the hall.
- Okay.
Copy !req
424. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
425. I can't go.
I, uh, have to wait for Kumar.
Copy !req
426. You'll see him when we're done.
Copy !req
427. Trust me,
you're gonna love this.
Copy !req
428. Kenny's mom dropped off
a big pot of kimchi jigae.
Copy !req
429. It's really good.
Copy !req
430. It's delicious.
Copy !req
431. Yeah?
Copy !req
432. That's nice.
Copy !req
433. - 80 bucks, okay?
- Okay.
Copy !req
434. Hello.
Copy !req
435. Are you guys about to smoke?
Copy !req
436. Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you
wanna come back to my place?
Copy !req
437. Please!
Copy !req
438. Please, like they want to go listen
to a bunch of Phish records
Copy !req
439. while you read your lame-ass poetry.
Copy !req
440. Girls, you guys wanna hang out,
Copy !req
441. maybe smoke a little weed
and have some fun?
Copy !req
442. All right.
Copy !req
443. My poetry's not lame.
It's really good.
Copy !req
444. - Yeah, I'm sure...
- It's great.
Copy !req
445. We're gonna eat before this gets cold,
Copy !req
446. so what you say we meet back
in our room in about 20 minutes?
Copy !req
447. We're in room 1-0-9.
Copy !req
448. 1-0-9. Got it.
I'll see you ladies later, huh?
Copy !req
449. Yesss!
Copy !req
450. 1-0-9.
We'll see you ladies later.
Copy !req
451. Yesss!
Copy !req
452. We're getting laid, bro.
Copy !req
453. All right, I'll see you there, man.
Copy !req
454. 2-0... 2-0... 2-0...
2-0-8?
Copy !req
455. 2-0-8. Yes! 2-0-8!
Copy !req
456. Roldy! Roldy, dude,
you gotta come quick.
Copy !req
457. There's these two filthy pussies
just aching to get boned by us.
Copy !req
458. I mean, there are these two
very lovely young pussies
Copy !req
459. who would like to have
a chat with you and I.
Copy !req
460. Sorry. Harold's coming with us.
Copy !req
461. No, no, no, that's bullshit.
He's coming with me.
Copy !req
462. Isn't that right, Roldy?
Copy !req
463. - Let's go to the party.
- No, no, no. Fuck that.
Copy !req
464. Here. This is Harold's
understudy, okay?
Copy !req
465. You can do
whatever you want with him.
Copy !req
466. - Roldy, let's go.
- I... I...
Copy !req
467. Sorry.
Copy !req
468. I can't believe you were gonna
ditch me for the Joy Luck Club, dude.
Copy !req
469. You know
what their parties are like.
Copy !req
470. Come on, man,
what do you want me to say?
Copy !req
471. I was under pressure.
Copy !req
472. Just say no.
That's all it takes. Here.
Copy !req
473. All right, take a hit of that.
Copy !req
474. Hey,
what's going on up there?
Copy !req
475. Barracuda to Sparrow,
Barracuda to Sparrow.
Copy !req
476. We got two high-fliers
on level three.
Copy !req
477. I just wanna talk!
Copy !req
478. Dude, in here, in here.
Copy !req
479. Women!
Copy !req
480. What if he finds us in here?
Copy !req
481. Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna
look for us in the girls' bathroom.
Copy !req
482. Shit! Come here.
Copy !req
483. If it worked on me,
Copy !req
484. then there's no reason
why it shouldn't work on you.
Copy !req
485. But your breasts look beautiful.
Copy !req
486. I just want those
cute little ping-pong breasts,
Copy !req
487. you know, that kind of go...
hmm-hmm!
Copy !req
488. Well, hurry up, because I
really want to go smoke weed
Copy !req
489. with that dishy Indian guy.
Copy !req
490. It's gonna be a few minutes.
Copy !req
491. I'm about to have
the worst case of taco shits.
Copy !req
492. Oh, God.
Copy !req
493. Oh, great.
I think I've got to go too.
Copy !req
494. Hey, Clarissa, do you want
to play battle shits?
Copy !req
495. - Oh, my God!
- Battle shits?
Copy !req
496. We haven't played that
since back at camp!
Copy !req
497. I know, I know, I know.
Wait for it.
Copy !req
498. Aah!
Copy !req
499. Ohh, hit!
Copy !req
500. Scag! You sank my destroyer!
Copy !req
501. Fuck!
Copy !req
502. I can't take it anymore!
Copy !req
503. Oh! Aaahhh!
Copy !req
504. Christy, are you still there?
Copy !req
505. Damn! You sank my battle shit!
Copy !req
506. Shit.
Copy !req
507. Ohh! Ooohhh!
Copy !req
508. - Dude! Dude!
- Ohh!
Copy !req
509. She said 20-10?
Copy !req
510. Have you seen
a Korean guy around here?
Copy !req
511. Yeah, only when
I open my eyes, though.
Copy !req
512. 'Tard.
Copy !req
513. 20-11.
Copy !req
514. Yo, this party's bumpin'!
Copy !req
515. - Who wants some Buddha?
- Yeah!
Copy !req
516. Holy shit!
Kenneth Park, class of 2004.
Copy !req
517. Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up
by not coming to this party.
Copy !req
518. I screwed up?
Copy !req
519. Can we have some pot brownies?
Copy !req
520. I don't know.
I'm running a little low,
Copy !req
521. but a quick titty flash
might persuade me.
Copy !req
522. - Should we?
- Yes, you should.
Copy !req
523. Okay.
Copy !req
524. Whoa!
Copy !req
525. - Hey, you!
- Aah!
Copy !req
526. Shit!
Copy !req
527. Hey!
Copy !req
528. - Hey!
- Come on, rookie, let's get 'em!
Copy !req
529. - Halt!
- Hey!
Copy !req
530. - Harold! Harold!
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
531. - Hey, dude!
- Come here!
Copy !req
532. Ow! Whoa!
Copy !req
533. Well, well, well.
Copy !req
534. - What do we have here?
- Oh, no! That's my baby!
Copy !req
535. Hold his throat and groin.
Come on, rookie.
Copy !req
536. Yo, should we go back
for the weed?
Copy !req
537. Are you crazy?
Run! Run!
Copy !req
538. Dude, I can't believe it, man.
We were this close to getting laid.
Copy !req
539. Oh, dude, you always exaggerate.
Copy !req
540. Hey, the diarrhea twins definitely
would have had sex with us.
Copy !req
541. What about Cindy? She was
looking kinda cute tonight, man.
Copy !req
542. Cindy's fine. It's just...
Copy !req
543. - Just what?
- We...
Copy !req
544. Oh, you'd rather have Maria.
Copy !req
545. Look, it doesn't matter.
Copy !req
546. I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim
whether I like it or not.
Copy !req
547. Can we just drop this and get
our asses to White Castle, man?
Copy !req
548. Fine.
Copy !req
549. Maria.
Copy !req
550. What are you doing?
Copy !req
551. Daddy needs to urinate.
Copy !req
552. Hurry up!
Copy !req
553. I'm serious.
Don't take all night.
Copy !req
554. All right.
Copy !req
555. - Excuse me, I... I jus...
- Huh?
Copy !req
556. I have to ask you, w-w-why'd you...
Copy !req
557. Uh, why are you peeing right here?
Copy !req
558. What?
Copy !req
559. I mean, why'd you pee
right next to me
Copy !req
560. when you'd, like,
choose that bush or...
Copy !req
561. Well, this is a good bush to pee on.
Copy !req
562. Why are you peeing on it?
Copy !req
563. Well, no one was here
when I chose this bush.
Copy !req
564. Oh.
Copy !req
565. So you get to pee on it
and no one else does? Huh?
Copy !req
566. - No, it's... I just...
- This your bush?
Copy !req
567. You have a special bond
with this bush?
Copy !req
568. - No, I just thought that...
- You the king of the forest?
Copy !req
569. - I'm sorry?
- What?
Copy !req
570. You a fuckin' tree-hugger?
Is this your special bush?
Copy !req
571. Never mind. Forget it. I really
don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.
Copy !req
572. Nice pubes.
Copy !req
573. Thanks.
Copy !req
574. Do you even know
where you're going?
Copy !req
575. I'm gonna be honest,
I'm a little lost, but, you know,
Copy !req
576. once we get back on the highway,
we'll be there soon, don't worry.
Copy !req
577. We'd better.
Copy !req
578. Shit. Now it's raining.
Copy !req
579. Put on your wipers.
Copy !req
580. What are you talking about?
It's just a little mist.
Copy !req
581. Yeah, mist,
hence the mist setting.
Copy !req
582. It's a safety issue, okay?
There we go.
Copy !req
583. Thank you, Mr. Wizard.
What crawled up your ass?
Copy !req
584. I'm completely on edge
right now, man.
Copy !req
585. After all the shit that
we've been through tonight,
Copy !req
586. I don't know
how much more I can take.
Copy !req
587. Oh, shit! How the fuck
did that get in here?
Copy !req
588. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
589. He bit me!
I've got rabies!
Copy !req
590. Aaaahhhh!
Copy !req
591. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
592. Oh! Dude, get that fuckin'
cancer raccoon away from me!
Copy !req
593. Open my window!
Copy !req
594. Fuck you, raccoon!
Copy !req
595. Gaaahhh!
Copy !req
596. Thank Christ!
Copy !req
597. Shit!
Copy !req
598. Jesus! You all right?
Copy !req
599. I don't... I don't know.
Copy !req
600. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
601. Shit, dude,
he's coming over here.
Copy !req
602. Probably some old blind bitch!
Copy !req
603. - What the fuck are you doing?
- We're sorry!
Copy !req
604. - Huh?
- We're sorry! We're very sorry!
Copy !req
605. - Holy shit!
- Goldstein?
Copy !req
606. Hey, dude, it's Rold and Kumar!
Copy !req
607. Shit!
What's going on, man?
Copy !req
608. - What's up, dude? What's up?
- Good to see you. All right.
Copy !req
609. What the hell
are you guys doing here?
Copy !req
610. Harold.
Copy !req
611. We just got the munchies, so we
decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven.
Copy !req
612. How about you?
How was White Castle?
Copy !req
613. We haven't gotten there yet.
I think I may have rabies.
Copy !req
614. Yo, dude, dude!
How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Copy !req
615. - You know the Holocaust?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
616. Picture the exact opposite of that.
Copy !req
617. Nice!
Copy !req
618. Boy, do you need a girl.
Copy !req
619. Oh, dude, if you guys
got the yellow fever,
Copy !req
620. there's a rockin' Asian party
down at Princeton.
Copy !req
621. Dude, I got the yellow plague.
Copy !req
622. There's nothing sexier
than a hot Asian chick!
Copy !req
623. Asian tits...
I wanna squeeze 'em!
Copy !req
624. Just stop. Don't do that.
Please, do not touch me.
Copy !req
625. I'm very woozy.
Copy !req
626. I think I have to go to the hospital.
Copy !req
627. You should go to Beth Israel.
Copy !req
628. - We gotta hit up this Asian joint.
- No, we don't.
Copy !req
629. We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven.
No more detours along the way.
Copy !req
630. - This is what I'm dealing with.
- Let's go. Come on!
Copy !req
631. I'm telling you, hit up the Asian party.
Copy !req
632. Did you leave the key in the car
with the engine running?
Copy !req
633. Good luck.
Copy !req
634. You don't have rabies. We're not
going to a hospital. You're fine.
Copy !req
635. Uh... yeah, I don't have rabies.
Copy !req
636. Great. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
637. Hey, aren't those...
Copy !req
638. Aren't those the guys
that got the shit kicked...
Copy !req
639. I know.
Copy !req
640. I know. Let's just go.
Copy !req
641. Just go.
Copy !req
642. Kumar!
Copy !req
643. - Hey, it's your dad and brother.
- Shit.
Copy !req
644. No wonder you didn't want
to go to the hospital.
Copy !req
645. - Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dr. Patel.
Copy !req
646. - What's up?
- Saikat. What's going on?
Copy !req
647. I hope you are here to apologize for
what you did in your interview today.
Copy !req
648. What the hell's
wrong with you, Kumar?
Copy !req
649. God! You're 22 years old.
When are you gonna grow up
Copy !req
650. and stop this
post-college rebel bullshit?
Copy !req
651. - Like your life is so hard.
- Eat my balls, Saikat.
Copy !req
652. I will not tolerate this
business from you any longer.
Copy !req
653. You have one more
interview tomorrow morning,
Copy !req
654. and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you
were anything short of spectacular,
Copy !req
655. I'll completely cut you off.
Copy !req
656. - Dad, come on.
- Daddy is not coming on anything.
Copy !req
657. You will be there,
and you will behave.
Copy !req
658. I have put too much time
and energy into you
Copy !req
659. to let you go and fuck it all up!
Copy !req
660. You're absolutely right.
I'm... I'm sorry, guys.
Copy !req
661. Wow, I'm... I'm sorry.
Copy !req
662. - Hmm!
- Sorry. It won't happen again, okay?
Copy !req
663. Good.
Copy !req
664. I will speak with you tomorrow.
Copy !req
665. - Bye, Harold.
- Bye.
Copy !req
666. See ya.
Copy !req
667. Wow, man.
Copy !req
668. So, I guess you're going
to med school after all, eh?
Copy !req
669. Fuck that, dude.
Like I care what my dad thinks.
Copy !req
670. I can't wait to see
the look on his face
Copy !req
671. when he finds out I didn't go
to my interview tomorrow.
Copy !req
672. He wants to cut me off, fine.
I don't need his money.
Copy !req
673. I... I don't understand.
You just hugged him, and the... and...
Copy !req
674. Yeah, I just needed to get
my hands on these.
Copy !req
675. Access card.
Copy !req
676. Two words for you, bro...
Medical marijuana.
Copy !req
677. No.
Copy !req
678. Oh, that's... this is stolen.
Copy !req
679. If we get caught,
you are taking the blame.
Copy !req
680. This is not my idea.
Copy !req
681. We're not
gonna get caught, okay?
Copy !req
682. We're gonna go get baked
Copy !req
683. and then go eat just like we planned.
Now, just calm down.
Copy !req
684. - We gotta find the pharmacy.
- Dr. Patel!
Copy !req
685. Thank God I found you.
We have an emergency.
Copy !req
686. Nurses, I need these two doctors
scrubbed, gloved,
Copy !req
687. and ready for the O.R. stat!
Copy !req
688. - What the hell is going on?
- He probably thinks I'm my brother.
Copy !req
689. Okay, just don't worry about it.
Leave the talking to me.
Copy !req
690. It's a godforsaken bloodbath.
Copy !req
691. The patient was brought in
by EMS five minutes ago.
Copy !req
692. As you can see, we have
three horrific gunshot wounds.
Copy !req
693. It's a good thing I found you two.
Copy !req
694. All the other surgeons
are working on other patients.
Copy !req
695. No, no, no, no.
There's been a mistake. You see...
Copy !req
696. Uhhh! Excuse me,
what Dr. Lee is trying to say
Copy !req
697. is that we need to sedate the patient...
Copy !req
698. - or he could go into cardiac arrest.
- All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist.
Copy !req
699. Hang on a second, nurse. What we
should probably use is marijuana.
Copy !req
700. That'll sufficiently
sedate the patient for surgery.
Copy !req
701. Marijuana?
Copy !req
702. But why?
Copy !req
703. We don't have time for questions.
Copy !req
704. We need marijuana now,
as much of it as possible!
Copy !req
705. Like a big bag of it.
Copy !req
706. But, Doctor, we don't
have marijuana in this hospital.
Copy !req
707. Shit.
Copy !req
708. Oh, shit!
This guy's gonna die!
Copy !req
709. Doctor, you have got
to do something or we're gonna lose him!
Copy !req
710. I'm gonna have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
Copy !req
711. Start the nitrous, please.
Copy !req
712. Give me two large-bore I.V.s
and start a Ringers lactate push.
Copy !req
713. - Dr. Roldy, hold this.
- Wha...?
Copy !req
714. More gauze, please.
Copy !req
715. - Doctor, the patient is desatting.
- Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting!
Copy !req
716. Patient has a collapsed lung.
I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat.
Copy !req
717. That was genius.
Copy !req
718. - Thank you.
- Great job!
Copy !req
719. You guys did it.
No, it's you.
Copy !req
720. - Sexy.
- What'd you say?
Copy !req
721. Nothing.
Copy !req
722. Sweet-pea.
Copy !req
723. Well, the patient
appears to be stabilized.
Copy !req
724. - Good work, doctors, all around.
- Great. One of you clean this up, please.
Copy !req
725. - Put the chest tube in.
- Meow. You're moist.
Copy !req
726. - It's okay, I'm not sweating anymore.
- You're glistening.
Copy !req
727. Soft and chocolate lips...
Copy !req
728. Could I get a little dab here?
Copy !req
729. Shh, shh, shh.
Hush now, hush now.
Copy !req
730. Excuse me, um, sir,
do you, uh, do you happen to know
Copy !req
731. how to get to the White Castle
in Cherry Hill from here?
Copy !req
732. Yeah.
Copy !req
733. Take the 33 west
and take the Turnpike south,
Copy !req
734. and there you are.
Copy !req
735. I'm telling you, man,
that was amazing!
Copy !req
736. Even your dad would
have been impressed, man.
Copy !req
737. Yeah, it wasn't that bad.
Copy !req
738. This is perfect. We're back on the road,
we got directions, it stopped raining.
Copy !req
739. And guess what, man.
Copy !req
740. - I'm officially done with my work.
- Oh, yeah?
Copy !req
741. - Right?
- Nice!
Copy !req
742. I'm telling you, dude,
things are finally starting to go our way.
Copy !req
743. Hey, dude, check it out...
Sixteen Candles.
Copy !req
744. Isn't that your favorite movie?
Copy !req
745. Wow, man, that's awesome!
Copy !req
746. Yo, and look who decided
to go see it.
Copy !req
747. Holy shit.
Copy !req
748. See! You said you two
had nothing in common,
Copy !req
749. but you both have
the same lame taste in movies!
Copy !req
750. Shut up.
Copy !req
751. Hey, we should ask her if she
wants to come to White Castle.
Copy !req
752. No. No, no.
Forget about it. Just drive.
Copy !req
753. Dude, come on.
It's 1:00 in the morning,
Copy !req
754. and we're an hour away from home,
Copy !req
755. and who do we see but your dream girl
standing across the street?
Copy !req
756. Just pretend that you're, like,
a nerdy Asian version of Tom Hanks
Copy !req
757. and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan
with bigger tits.
Copy !req
758. The cars are going.
Can we go? How about that?
Copy !req
759. What are you doing?
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Copy !req
760. Excuse me, Maria!
Copy !req
761. - What are you doing?
- Maria! Excuse me for a second!
Copy !req
762. Come here!
Copy !req
763. No! What the hell are you doing?
Copy !req
764. Get your hand off the gas!
Shit!
Copy !req
765. - I'm stuck!
- Stop turning the wheel!
Copy !req
766. - I am stuck!
- What do you mean you're stuck?
Copy !req
767. Get unstuck!
Copy !req
768. Gnaahh!
Copy !req
769. Aahh! Aahh!
Copy !req
770. Whoa!
Copy !req
771. - You asshole!
- Wha... wha...?
Copy !req
772. We could have seriously
injured ourselves, man!
Copy !req
773. Yo, don't blame me, genius.
Copy !req
774. I'm not the one who decided
to run us off the frickin' road, all right?
Copy !req
775. Let's just get
back on the highway, okay?
Copy !req
776. Fine with me.
Copy !req
777. It's not funny.
Copy !req
778. - Where's my spare tire?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
779. Where the hell's my spare tire?
Copy !req
780. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
781. Dude...
Copy !req
782. remember that time
we got really stoned
Copy !req
783. and started throwing shit off
that bridge to see if it would float?
Copy !req
784. What bridge? I don't remem...
What are you talking about?
Copy !req
785. Oh, shit, that's right.
That was with Goldstein.
Copy !req
786. We borrowed your car
that night. My bad.
Copy !req
787. Your bad? Wh-what the hell
are we gonna do now?
Copy !req
788. - Hey!
- Hey! Excuse me!
Copy !req
789. - Hello! Over here!
- Excuse me!
Copy !req
790. You boys need some help?
Copy !req
791. Thanks for helping us out.
Copy !req
792. Oh, no problem at all.
Copy !req
793. I seen you two stranded
out there alone in the dark,
Copy !req
794. and I said to myself...
Copy !req
795. "What would Jesus do?"
Copy !req
796. Have you boys accepted Jesus
as your Lord and Savior?
Copy !req
797. - Yes.
- Yeah, He's great. Cool guy.
Copy !req
798. Praise the Lord
and pass the ammunition!
Copy !req
799. Name's Randy,
but everybody calls me Freakshow.
Copy !req
800. My name's Kumar.
Copy !req
801. How are you, Kunie?
Copy !req
802. - Uh... and this is Harold.
- Hi, Jerald. How are you?
Copy !req
803. So, uh,
where exactly are we, uh, going?
Copy !req
804. Oh, don't you worry about that none.
We ain't too far away from my place.
Copy !req
805. And once we get there,
I'll have your ride fixed up in a jiffy.
Copy !req
806. Check out
those boils on his neck.
Copy !req
807. You gotta look.
One of 'em's actually pulsating.
Copy !req
808. Shut up.
He's right next to me.
Copy !req
809. He can hear you.
Copy !req
810. Ugh! Now there's
some sort of puss.
Copy !req
811. - It's disgusting!
- Shut up. Shut up.
Copy !req
812. Just one little boil.
Just look at it.
Copy !req
813. See, isn't that the most disgusting
thing you've ever seen?
Copy !req
814. You think that just
because you're whispering,
Copy !req
815. he can't hear what you are saying?
Copy !req
816. He's two feet away from us.
He can hear this entire conversation.
Copy !req
817. He can hear me talking right now.
Copy !req
818. Don't worry about it.
He can't hear anything...
Copy !req
819. not with all that crust in his ear.
Copy !req
820. I heard everything you said.
Copy !req
821. It's gonna take me a while
to fix up your car there,
Copy !req
822. so if you boys like,
you can go on inside,
Copy !req
823. get yourselves something
to drink, wash up,
Copy !req
824. fuck my wife, watch TV...
Anything you want.
Copy !req
825. Mi casa es su casa.
Copy !req
826. Just don't do anything
the good Lord wouldn't do.
Copy !req
827. Thank you.
Copy !req
828. We're gonna die.
He's going to kill us.
Copy !req
829. We're gonna die.
Copy !req
830. Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say
we get to fuck his wife?
Copy !req
831. He couldn't have said that.
Copy !req
832. Aah!
Copy !req
833. Who cares?
You've seen Freakshow.
Copy !req
834. What do you think his wife
is gonna look like?
Copy !req
835. Oh, hi, boys.
Copy !req
836. I'm Freakshow's wife, Liane.
Copy !req
837. Can I get you some pink lemonade?
Copy !req
838. Why don't you just go
have a seat in the living room,
Copy !req
839. and, uh, I'll be back in a jiffy.
Copy !req
840. Thanks.
Copy !req
841. - Hot. Hot!
- Uh-huh.
Copy !req
842. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
843. Okay, it's official.
We entered the Twilight Zone.
Copy !req
844. - Dude, Liane is fucking hot.
- She's not ugly.
Copy !req
845. Here you go, boys.
Copy !req
846. - Thank you. Thank you.
- Thanks a lot.
Copy !req
847. Liane, how are things between you
and Freakshow presently?
Copy !req
848. Oh! They've never been better.
We love each other so much.
Copy !req
849. I was just wondering,
how does a, um,
Copy !req
850. a guy like... like Freakshow end...
Copy !req
851. end up with a, um,
a girl like you? How does...?
Copy !req
852. Well, we met at choir practice
about four years ago.
Copy !req
853. Freakshow was really shy
back then, you know,
Copy !req
854. 'cause of all his hideous boils
on his face and neck.
Copy !req
855. Sure, sure.
Copy !req
856. But he had the most amazing voice,
like a baby canary.
Copy !req
857. After Easter service one day
I told him how much I loved his solo,
Copy !req
858. and he finally mustered up
the courage to ask me out.
Copy !req
859. We've been in love ever since.
Copy !req
860. So, are you boys gonna
fuck me now or what?
Copy !req
861. Rock, paper, scissors
to see who goes first. Ready?
Copy !req
862. - Rock, paper...
- Wait, wait, wait a second!
Copy !req
863. What about Freakshow, huh?
Copy !req
864. What? You assume we don't
know how to have a good time?
Copy !req
865. I... I just...
Copy !req
866. Aah!
Copy !req
867. Never mind.
Okay, rock, paper, scissors.
Copy !req
868. Uh, sorry, but if you boys want me,
Copy !req
869. you have to do me at the same time.
Copy !req
870. - Huh?
- Come on, give me the double-stuff.
Copy !req
871. I'm not sure
we quite understand, Liane.
Copy !req
872. I want you both
inside me simultaneously.
Copy !req
873. - One hole or two?
- Whatever you want.
Copy !req
874. Sorry. No, no, thank you.
No, thank you.
Copy !req
875. Shh! Dude, if it's two holes,
it might not be that bad.
Copy !req
876. - Shotgun anus.
- Forget it!
Copy !req
877. I don't want our balls
rubbing against each other.
Copy !req
878. - What, are you kidding?
- No way! Forget it.
Copy !req
879. How about blow jobs?
Can we have blow jobs?
Copy !req
880. Well, okay.
Copy !req
881. - Come here.
- Come here?
Copy !req
882. Okay. I'm going up there.
Copy !req
883. I wanna come too.
Copy !req
884. - Think you could help me with this?
- You need help?
Copy !req
885. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
886. Okay, yeah.
It's a little sticky there.
Copy !req
887. - You can do it.
- Okay.
Copy !req
888. I can do it. I can do it.
Copy !req
889. I'm trying.
Copy !req
890. - Uh...
- Whoa!
Copy !req
891. Do you wanna play with them?
Copy !req
892. Play with them.
Copy !req
893. - Yeah, let's, uh, let's... let's do that.
- Okay.
Copy !req
894. Let's do that.
Copy !req
895. Well, boys, I fixed your tire.
Copy !req
896. Hi, honey.
Copy !req
897. What in the hell
are you doing with my wife?
Copy !req
898. Uh...!
Copy !req
899. You said outside that
we could have sex with her!
Copy !req
900. - Aah!
- Oh, shit! Shit!
Copy !req
901. - I most certainly did not!
- No. Yeah, you did. You did.
Copy !req
902. - I did not!
- Yes, you did.
Copy !req
903. - Oh, no, I didn't!
- You did, you did.
Copy !req
904. - You sure?
- You said it.
Copy !req
905. My mistake!
Copy !req
906. Freakshow.
Copy !req
907. Well, since we're all here...
Copy !req
908. how about a foursome?
Copy !req
909. Aah!
Copy !req
910. Who wants the first reach-around?
Copy !req
911. Okay, let's agree to never talk
about what just happened.
Copy !req
912. Agreed.
Copy !req
913. That's a very good idea.
Copy !req
914. Dude, I have no idea
where we are.
Copy !req
915. What?
Copy !req
916. - Is that a hitchhiker?
- What the hell?
Copy !req
917. - Should we pick him up?
- And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy?
Copy !req
918. You know what? We're lost. He may
know how to get back on the highway.
Copy !req
919. Get back on the road.
This is my car,
Copy !req
920. and we are not picking up
a hitchhiker, man.
Copy !req
921. Hey, guys, thanks
for picking me up.
Copy !req
922. Ohh!
Copy !req
923. Whoa!
Copy !req
924. Excuse me,
are you Neil Patrick Harris?
Copy !req
925. Yep.
Copy !req
926. - Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
- Holy shit.
Copy !req
927. Dude, Doogie Howser M.D. was,
like, my favorite show growing up.
Copy !req
928. You were my idol.
Copy !req
929. Yeah, that's great. Could we get going?
I'm bored as shit back here.
Copy !req
930. - Go, go.
- Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot.
Copy !req
931. So, uh, so I gotta ask you, Neil, uh,
Copy !req
932. did you ever get it on
with Wanda off the set?
Copy !req
933. Dude, I humped every
piece of ass ever on that show.
Copy !req
934. Even the chick
who played the hot nurse?
Copy !req
935. No.
Copy !req
936. I didn't go all the way with her.
Copy !req
937. Neil, you wouldn't happen to know
Copy !req
938. how to get on the highway
from here, would you?
Copy !req
939. Dude, I don't even know
where the fuck I am right now.
Copy !req
940. I was at this party earlier tonight
Copy !req
941. and some guy hooked me up
with this incredible X,
Copy !req
942. and next thing I know, I'm being
thrown out of a moving car.
Copy !req
943. I've been tripping balls ever since.
Copy !req
944. That's crazy, dude!
Copy !req
945. You know, we've been having
a pretty crazy night too.
Copy !req
946. We've just been driving around
looking for White Castle,
Copy !req
947. but we keep getting sidetracked.
Copy !req
948. Yeah, dude, you fascinate me.
Copy !req
949. Forget White Castle.
Let's go get some pussy.
Copy !req
950. - Huh?
- It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here, bros.
Copy !req
951. Let's get us some poontang.
Then we'll go to White Castle.
Copy !req
952. No, Neil, you don't understand.
Copy !req
953. We've been craving
these burgers all night.
Copy !req
954. Yeah, I've been craving
burgers too... fur burgers.
Copy !req
955. Come on, dudes, let's pick up
some trim at a strip club.
Copy !req
956. The Doogie line
always works on strippers.
Copy !req
957. There's a, uh, there's a gas station.
I'm gonna see if we can get directions.
Copy !req
958. What? We don't need to...
Oh, my God.
Copy !req
959. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up.
Copy !req
960. I'm losing wood.
Copy !req
961. Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry.
Copy !req
962. - Chill.
- We'll be right back, Neil.
Copy !req
963. We'll be back.
Copy !req
964. What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris?
Why is he so horny?
Copy !req
965. I don't know, but we can't
let him interfere with our quest.
Copy !req
966. - Oh, God.
- Shit, these punks again.
Copy !req
967. Late-night Math League
meeting, homos?
Copy !req
968. Ha ha! Extreme!
Copy !req
969. Let's go.
Copy !req
970. Fuh...!
Copy !req
971. No, no.
Pies, pies... no.
Copy !req
972. Dude, what is that?
Is that a pterodactyl?
Copy !req
973. I do not know what that is.
Copy !req
974. That was extreme, dude!
Copy !req
975. Excuse me, can you tell us how
to get to the highway from here?
Copy !req
976. Oh, dude, I got this.
Copy !req
977. Dude, who knew learning Hindi
would actually pay off?
Copy !req
978. Guy says the highway is, like,
a couple traffic lights from here.
Copy !req
979. We should be in Cherry Hill
in, like, ten minutes.
Copy !req
980. - Ready? One, two, three!
- No. No.
Copy !req
981. - No.
- Extreme kayaking!
Copy !req
982. Nooooo!
Copy !req
983. Extreme!
Copy !req
984. - No!
- Man, that was so fuckin' extreme!
Copy !req
985. On a scale of one to ten,
Copy !req
986. one being not-so-extreme,
and ten being extremely extreme,
Copy !req
987. I give this a 9.5!
Copy !req
988. - Check it out!
- Extreme cheddar!
Copy !req
989. - Hey, guy, hey!
- Extreme cashier!
Copy !req
990. Somebody should do something.
Copy !req
991. Yeah, you're right.
Copy !req
992. Hey, asshole!
Why don't you leave that guy alone
Copy !req
993. and go jerk off to some
snowboarding videos or something?
Copy !req
994. Ohh!
Copy !req
995. I didn't mean you
should do something about it.
Copy !req
996. He's dead!
Copy !req
997. Ohhh!
Copy !req
998. What? You're gonna take that?
Copy !req
999. What's up with that, buddy? What?
Copy !req
1000. You're gonna take that?
Copy !req
1001. Yeah!
Copy !req
1002. - Shit!
- That's right, bitch!
Copy !req
1003. You just try fuckin' with me
one more time!
Copy !req
1004. Just try it!
Copy !req
1005. Thank you, come again.
Copy !req
1006. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
Copy !req
1007. Kumar, you okay?
Copy !req
1008. Yeah, dude, I just hate those assholes.
Copy !req
1009. You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry.
Let's just get outta here.
Copy !req
1010. Did Doogie Howser
just steal my fucking car?
Copy !req
1011. Yes. I think he did.
Copy !req
1012. Aaaaaahhhhhh!
Copy !req
1013. Aaahhh!
Copy !req
1014. Aaaahhhh!
Copy !req
1015. Aahh!
Copy !req
1016. Aah!
Copy !req
1017. Aaaahhhh! Aaaahhhh!
Copy !req
1018. Aah!
Copy !req
1019. You! You had to pick up
a hitchhiker! Why?
Copy !req
1020. Rold, calm down.
Copy !req
1021. Why did you leave
the keys in the car? Why?
Copy !req
1022. - I... I...
- Because it would get stolen.
Copy !req
1023. I figured that Neil Patrick Harris
was a trustworthy guy.
Copy !req
1024. Come on. How was I supposed
to know he'd fuck us over?
Copy !req
1025. This whole freaking night,
this whole night, is your fault!
Copy !req
1026. - Where you going?
- I'm going inside to call the police.
Copy !req
1027. I don't want to talk
to you anymore. Aah.
Copy !req
1028. Come on, man!
Copy !req
1029. - Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
Copy !req
1030. Hey, there's a pay phone
across the street
Copy !req
1031. if you don't want to deal
with those assholes.
Copy !req
1032. So, after we talk to the cops, we're
still going to White Castle, right?
Copy !req
1033. I'm not speaking to you.
Copy !req
1034. Jesus Christ, when are they fucking
going to develop button technology
Copy !req
1035. that will understand urgency?
Copy !req
1036. - Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.
- It'll change in a second.
Copy !req
1037. There's not a car in sight.
Just go ahead.
Copy !req
1038. Fine. You want me to cross?
You want me to cross? I will cross.
Copy !req
1039. If it makes you happy, I will cross.
Copy !req
1040. I'll do it.
Copy !req
1041. Oh! Shit!
Copy !req
1042. - What...
- Sorry.
Copy !req
1043. Is there a... is there a problem,
Officer Pa... Palumbo?
Copy !req
1044. Is there a problem?
You ever heard of jaywalking?
Copy !req
1045. Yes, I have. I'm really sorry.
Won't happen again.
Copy !req
1046. That's great.
I'm writing you up a ticket.
Copy !req
1047. A ticket?
Are you serious?
Copy !req
1048. Who the fuck are you, shitwad?
Copy !req
1049. Let me apologize
for my friend here. I'm very sorry.
Copy !req
1050. I'm really glad you're here.
We've had a rough night.
Copy !req
1051. You know the show
Doogie Howser M.D.?
Copy !req
1052. Yeah, it's great show.
God, I love that show. "Doogie."
Copy !req
1053. Neil Patrick Harris
stole my car tonight.
Copy !req
1054. Hey, NPH wouldn't do that,
all right?
Copy !req
1055. Give me some I.D.
Copy !req
1056. Excuse me, how can you
give him a ticket for jaywalking?
Copy !req
1057. It's 2:30 in the morning, and there's,
like, there's not a car around here.
Copy !req
1058. - It's not like he was causing traffic...
- Kumar, shut up.
Copy !req
1059. That's not the kind of tone
you want to use
Copy !req
1060. on a cop who can bust your ass.
Copy !req
1061. - Bust my ass?
- Yeah, Koo-mar.
Copy !req
1062. Bust your ass.
Copy !req
1063. What kind of name
is that anyhow, huh? Koo-mar.
Copy !req
1064. What is that,
like, five O's or two U's?
Copy !req
1065. No, it's actually one U.
Copy !req
1066. Yeah, bullshit.
Copy !req
1067. Whatever happened to good old American
names like Dave or Jim, you know?
Copy !req
1068. - Harold.
- Harold.
Copy !req
1069. - Are you Kidd...
- Now that's a great name.
Copy !req
1070. - Let me take care of this.
- You should be proud of that name, son.
Copy !req
1071. As you were, ladies.
Copy !req
1072. - $220? Are you crazy?
- Kumar, if you don't stop...
Copy !req
1073. No, I understand exactly
what's going on here.
Copy !req
1074. Excuse me, officer, let me
take a couple of guesses, huh?
Copy !req
1075. - I'm really sorry...
- Hey, get your hands down!
Copy !req
1076. - Okay, all right.
- No sudden moves.
Copy !req
1077. - Back it up!
- Okay, okay.
Copy !req
1078. You were probably the big asshole
in your high school, right?
Copy !req
1079. Absolutely right.
Copy !req
1080. Used to pick on guys like us
every day, right?
Copy !req
1081. With pleasure.
Copy !req
1082. And then graduation day came,
and we went to college,
Copy !req
1083. and you went nowhere,
and you thought,
Copy !req
1084. "Hey, how can I
still give them shit?
Copy !req
1085. Oh, I know, I'll become a cop."
Copy !req
1086. Right? Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations.
Your dream has come true.
Copy !req
1087. Now, why don't you just take
this quiet little Asian guy
Copy !req
1088. with the anglicized name
that suits you so well
Copy !req
1089. a-and give him a couple
of other tickets?
Copy !req
1090. - Better yet, just take him to jail.
- Better idea.
Copy !req
1091. Why don't you just arrest him?
Does that work out for you okay, Harold?
Copy !req
1092. - "Great American name, Harold."
- Let's go, Harold.
Copy !req
1093. Thanks to your buddy,
we're going downtow...
Copy !req
1094. Raaah!
Copy !req
1095. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1096. Well, thank you so much for
being understanding about Bradley.
Copy !req
1097. I promise you
he won't ever do it again.
Copy !req
1098. - My baby.
- Oh, I'm sure he won't.
Copy !req
1099. Aah!
Copy !req
1100. Right, Brad?
Copy !req
1101. Yes, sir, Officer Palumbo, sir.
Copy !req
1102. - Mommy, can we go home?
- Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.
Copy !req
1103. - Mommy!
- Bye, Brad.
Copy !req
1104. 'Scuse... are you gonna do
something about my car?
Copy !req
1105. First our top story.
Copy !req
1106. The search for the escaped cheetah
continues tonight.
Copy !req
1107. It was last spotted in Randolph County,
south of Putnam Road.
Copy !req
1108. Please be advised...
Copy !req
1109. - So what are you in here for?
- For being black.
Copy !req
1110. Seriously.
Copy !req
1111. I am serious.
You wanna know what happened?
Copy !req
1112. I was walking
out of a Barnes & Noble,
Copy !req
1113. and a cop stops me.
Copy !req
1114. Evidently a black guy
robbed a store in Newark.
Copy !req
1115. I told him, "I haven't even been
to Newark in months."
Copy !req
1116. So, he starts beating me
with his gun...
Copy !req
1117. - telling me to stop resisting arrest.
- Holy shit! What'd you do?
Copy !req
1118. I kept saying,
"I understand I'm under arrest.
Copy !req
1119. Now please stop beating me."
Copy !req
1120. I'm sorry, I don't understand how
you can be so calm about all this.
Copy !req
1121. Look at me.
I'm fat, black, can't dance,
Copy !req
1122. and I have two gay fathers.
Copy !req
1123. People have been
messing with me my whole life.
Copy !req
1124. I learned a long time ago that
there's no sense getting all riled up
Copy !req
1125. every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.
Copy !req
1126. In the end, the universe tends
to unfold as it should.
Copy !req
1127. Plus I have a really large penis.
That keeps me happy.
Copy !req
1128. Hey, hey, listen up, guys!
Copy !req
1129. Multiple gunshots
fired in Millbrook Park.
Copy !req
1130. Finally, some action.
I'm goin'!
Copy !req
1131. - No, I'm goin'!
- Let's go, babe!
Copy !req
1132. Lock and load! Whoo!
Copy !req
1133. That was strange.
Copy !req
1134. What the hell was that?
Copy !req
1135. Rold. Is that you?
Copy !req
1136. - Kumar?
- Hey, are the cops still here?
Copy !req
1137. What the hell are you doing?
Copy !req
1138. I just called and made up some story
about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
Copy !req
1139. - Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
- I'm fucking starving.
Copy !req
1140. I figured I'd bust you out
and we'd go get some burgers.
Copy !req
1141. Forget it. I'm not getting
into any more trouble.
Copy !req
1142. I'm already in here because of you.
Copy !req
1143. Hey, fuck you!
Copy !req
1144. What did you want me to do,
stand there and take the hit?
Copy !req
1145. You know I've never
taken a swing at you, ever.
Copy !req
1146. Well, I never got your car stolen.
Copy !req
1147. - Fine. I'm leaving.
- Fine.
Copy !req
1148. - Um, Harold, how do I get out of here?
- How the hell should I know?
Copy !req
1149. Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good.
Copy !req
1150. Aagh!
Copy !req
1151. - Aah!
- Ooh.
Copy !req
1152. Ah. Oh, my ass!
Copy !req
1153. Sure you don't want
to get out of here?
Copy !req
1154. And become a fugitive?
Are you nuts?
Copy !req
1155. - The guy has all my information.
- So what?
Copy !req
1156. We'll just take what he
wrote down about you and leave.
Copy !req
1157. Unless you want
to stay here all night
Copy !req
1158. and not be able to
turn in your work tomorrow.
Copy !req
1159. Fine, hurry up.
Copy !req
1160. Yes! All right,
we gotta find keys.
Copy !req
1161. Oh, yes!
Copy !req
1162. Sweet! I was hoping it would
be one of these big ring of keys.
Copy !req
1163. - Kumar, hurry the fuck up.
- All right, yeah.
Copy !req
1164. Uh...
Copy !req
1165. Aha!
Copy !req
1166. - Yes!
- Dude!
Copy !req
1167. - Hey, what's that smell?
- What smell? What are you...
Copy !req
1168. Kumar.
Copy !req
1169. Bitch! Learn how to fuckin'
make coffee, you fuckin' whore!
Copy !req
1170. I love you. Shh.
Copy !req
1171. No, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
1172. No, baby, come on.
Copy !req
1173. Hey, Kumar. Kumar!
Where you...
Copy !req
1174. Kumar!
Still in jail, asshole!
Copy !req
1175. Come here!
Copy !req
1176. Kumar! The cops are...
Copy !req
1177. You thought you'd
get away with it, huh?
Copy !req
1178. I was in bed.
I didn't fire any gun. I swear.
Copy !req
1179. Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
Copy !req
1180. What are you talking about?
I'm just sitting here.
Copy !req
1181. He's trying to break free!
Get him!
Copy !req
1182. - Aw, shit.
- Don't move!
Copy !req
1183. Stop resisting!
We need backup now!
Copy !req
1184. - He's got a gun.
- That's not a gun, that's a book.
Copy !req
1185. - Okay. Secure the book!
- Book is secure.
Copy !req
1186. You bring this filth in here?
What is this shit?
Copy !req
1187. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We gotta do something about this.
Copy !req
1188. We're gonna teach you
how to read now, brother.
Copy !req
1189. Ah.
Copy !req
1190. If I were you, I'd leave
as soon as possible.
Copy !req
1191. - Okay, whose hand is that?
- Thanks, man.
Copy !req
1192. Jesus Christ.
Thanks for getting me out, man.
Copy !req
1193. No problem, man. Hey, the burgers wouldn't
taste as good if you weren't there.
Copy !req
1194. Hey, look at this.
Copy !req
1195. It's like we went from being
completely poor to being millionaires.
Copy !req
1196. - What was that?
- Probably just a coyote.
Copy !req
1197. Aren't people supposed to
be scared of coyotes?
Copy !req
1198. No, no, that's just
'cause they sound scary, man.
Copy !req
1199. In one-on-one combat, either of us
could take down a coyote, no problem.
Copy !req
1200. What?
Copy !req
1201. Aah!
Copy !req
1202. Now, cheetahs are another story.
Copy !req
1203. - We're gonna die.
- No, now... now hold on. Hold on.
Copy !req
1204. Cheetahs are used to
eating gazelles and shit.
Copy !req
1205. They're not known
for eating humans.
Copy !req
1206. That is a corpse.
We're gonna die.
Copy !req
1207. Shit!
That's not a good sign.
Copy !req
1208. Maybe if we just stay really,
really still, he'll just go away.
Copy !req
1209. Okay.
Copy !req
1210. Just stay really still.
Don't move, okay?
Copy !req
1211. - Just stay right there.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1212. Very good. Good job.
Copy !req
1213. This isn't working.
Copy !req
1214. Oh! Whoa, oh!
Copy !req
1215. Aah! He's mauling me!
He's mauling me!
Copy !req
1216. Aah! Aaah!
Aaaaah! Ah.
Copy !req
1217. Ah. Ah.
Copy !req
1218. Dude, I told you not
to bring the beef jerky.
Copy !req
1219. Ah!
Copy !req
1220. He likes me.
Copy !req
1221. Hey, Rold, I have an idea.
Copy !req
1222. - You gotta be kidding me, man.
- Uh-uh.
Copy !req
1223. This is either a really smart move
Copy !req
1224. or by far the stupidest thing
that we have ever tried.
Copy !req
1225. Well, we're about to find out.
Copy !req
1226. Mush!
Copy !req
1227. I told you this was...
Copy !req
1228. - Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Copy !req
1229. Oy vey!
Copy !req
1230. Dude, am I really high,
or is this actually working?
Copy !req
1231. - Both!
- This is awesome!
Copy !req
1232. We're gonna be
at White Castle in no time!
Copy !req
1233. Aah!
Copy !req
1234. That was close, huh, Roldy?
Copy !req
1235. Harold.
I need you, Harold.
Copy !req
1236. I need you, Harold.
Copy !req
1237. Come here.
Copy !req
1238. - Come here, Harold.
- Maria.
Copy !req
1239. - Come, Harold.
- I'm coming, baby!
Copy !req
1240. I want you to hold me.
Papi, I need you.
Copy !req
1241. Baby, I'm a-comin'!
Copy !req
1242. Not so fast.
Copy !req
1243. Kyah!
Copy !req
1244. Oh!
Copy !req
1245. Bullets... my only weakness.
How did you know?
Copy !req
1246. Harold.
Copy !req
1247. Maria.
Copy !req
1248. Maria, stop...
Copy !req
1249. Aah! Aah! Aah!
What the... what...
Copy !req
1250. What the hell
are you doing? God!
Copy !req
1251. You've been out cold
for the past half-hour.
Copy !req
1252. I figured maybe if I did
some gay shit you'd wake up.
Copy !req
1253. If we did some gay shit?
What kinda... where are we?
Copy !req
1254. Didn't we come here on a cheetah?
Where's the cheetah?
Copy !req
1255. It ran away. Listen, forget
about the cheetah, okay?
Copy !req
1256. I have some bad news
and some worse news.
Copy !req
1257. All right,
give me the worse news first.
Copy !req
1258. I looked at some
of the road signs up there,
Copy !req
1259. and it looks like the cheetah
took us in the wrong direction.
Copy !req
1260. - Shit!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1261. - Shit!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1262. That's...
All right, what's the bad news?
Copy !req
1263. Your laptop's completely destroyed.
Copy !req
1264. What?
Copy !req
1265. Why didn't...
Why didn't you tell me...
Copy !req
1266. That was the wor... how is that
not the worse news?
Copy !req
1267. Well, the laptop situation
really only affects you,
Copy !req
1268. whereas the, uh, White Castle
situation affects both of us equally. So...
Copy !req
1269. Oh! you...
Oh, oh, no! Oh, no!
Copy !req
1270. All my work was saved
on this computer.
Copy !req
1271. Now I gotta go back
to the office and redo it.
Copy !req
1272. Exactly.
First we'll go to White Castle...
Copy !req
1273. Forget about White Castle.
There is no time.
Copy !req
1274. Car.
Copy !req
1275. Hello. Oh, wait!
Copy !req
1276. Holy shit!
Copy !req
1277. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Copy !req
1278. Whoa.
Copy !req
1279. Yeah. Um...
Copy !req
1280. All right, we'll...
We'll get a pay phone,
Copy !req
1281. get a cab back
to your office, all right?
Copy !req
1282. Come on. You all right?
Copy !req
1283. - Hey, check this out, dude.
- Oh, yeah, nice.
Copy !req
1284. Whoo!
Copy !req
1285. Oh, hey, Apu!
Copy !req
1286. Jesus. These guys
are frickin' everywhere.
Copy !req
1287. Who's looking after the Kwik-E-Mart
while you're gone, huh?
Copy !req
1288. Aw, you two going
to share a curry Slurpee?
Copy !req
1289. Fucking assholes.
Copy !req
1290. Dude, check it out.
It's Rosenberg and Goldstein.
Copy !req
1291. I want that.
Copy !req
1292. What, a Hot Dog Heaven
super chili cheese dog?
Copy !req
1293. No. I want that feeling.
Copy !req
1294. The feeling that comes over a man
Copy !req
1295. when he gets
exactly what he desires.
Copy !req
1296. I need that feeling.
Copy !req
1297. Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
Copy !req
1298. - We gotta go to White Castle.
- Yes, yes!
Copy !req
1299. I knew you had it in you, dude.
Copy !req
1300. Yo, is that Cindy Kim?
Copy !req
1301. - Aah!
- Ho, ho.
Copy !req
1302. Oh, dude, you should've boned her
when you had the chance, man.
Copy !req
1303. - Check it out.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1304. Why don't you guys just leave us alone?
Copy !req
1305. What are you gonna
do about it, Mr. Miyagi, huh? Huh?
Copy !req
1306. Huh? Wa-tah... wa-tah! Ho!
Copy !req
1307. Yeah!
That's extreme, man!
Copy !req
1308. There's no sense
getting all riled up
Copy !req
1309. every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.
Copy !req
1310. The universe tends
to unfold as it should.
Copy !req
1311. Nothing.
Copy !req
1312. - Fucking extreme!
- I'm so sick of their bullshit.
Copy !req
1313. Don't worry. The universe
tends to unfold as it should.
Copy !req
1314. What is that, some fortune cookie?
Copy !req
1315. Hey, I got a plan.
Follow my lead, okay?
Copy !req
1316. - Your lead?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1317. Okay.
Copy !req
1318. Whoa, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1319. Whoa! Whoa!
Copy !req
1320. Those pricks!
Copy !req
1321. - This is your plan?
- It's working, isn't it?
Copy !req
1322. Come on! Come on, gang!
Get 'em, man!
Copy !req
1323. - Jack-offs!
- My truck!
Copy !req
1324. Thank you, come again.
Copy !req
1325. Dude, that was so not extreme.
Copy !req
1326. I know, Extreme Sport Punk
Number One.
Copy !req
1327. I know.
Copy !req
1328. Let's find us some tunes, baby.
Copy !req
1329. "Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"?
What is this shit?
Copy !req
1330. Those guys are fuckin' posers.
Copy !req
1331. Hmm. Bingo.
Copy !req
1332. Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man.
We're almost there.
Copy !req
1333. I told you, man!
Copy !req
1334. I found 'em, and I'm gonna need backup.
Copy !req
1335. - Oh, shit.
- Shit.
Copy !req
1336. Fudge, dude.
Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
1337. - What the hell are you doing?
- I'm not going back to jail, man.
Copy !req
1338. We've come too far.
Now buckle up. Buckle up!
Copy !req
1339. We got a chase on our hands.
Copy !req
1340. - Ready?
- Yeah. For what?
Copy !req
1341. - This!
- Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1342. - Where the fuck you takin' us, dude?
- Hold on.
Copy !req
1343. What the...?
Copy !req
1344. It's a good thing I have an empty
stomach or else I'd puke right now.
Copy !req
1345. We're gonna make it.
Copy !req
1346. Everything's gonna be all ri...
Copy !req
1347. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1348. - Whoa!
- Oh!
Copy !req
1349. Oh, shit. Holy shit.
Copy !req
1350. - Put her in reverse. Hurry!
- Shit!
Copy !req
1351. Let's go out the back.
I'll go first.
Copy !req
1352. - Don't shake the car!
- Well, hurry up!
Copy !req
1353. Ow!
Copy !req
1354. Oof!
Copy !req
1355. Hey, Roldy, check it out.
Copy !req
1356. Shit, shit!
We're trapped, man!
Copy !req
1357. Whoa. Not necessarily.
Copy !req
1358. No.
Copy !req
1359. No, not a chance.
I'd rather turn myself in than die.
Copy !req
1360. Oh, no, dude, I know
exactly how to do that.
Copy !req
1361. I used to do it with my dad
all the time when I was a kid.
Copy !req
1362. Forget it! I'm not risking my life
over a bunch of hamburgers, man.
Copy !req
1363. Okay, so you think this is
just about the burgers, huh?
Copy !req
1364. Let me tell you,
it's about far more than that.
Copy !req
1365. Our parents came to this country,
Copy !req
1366. escaping persecution,
poverty, and hunger.
Copy !req
1367. Hunger, Harold.
Copy !req
1368. They were very, very hungry.
Copy !req
1369. They wanted to live in a land
that treated them as equals,
Copy !req
1370. a land filled with hamburger stands.
Copy !req
1371. And not just
one type of hamburger, okay?
Copy !req
1372. Hundreds of types with different
sizes, toppings, and condiments.
Copy !req
1373. That land was America.
Copy !req
1374. America, Harold! America!
Copy !req
1375. Now, this is about achieving
what our parents set out for.
Copy !req
1376. This is about the pursuit
of happiness.
Copy !req
1377. This night...
Copy !req
1378. is about the American dream.
Copy !req
1379. Dude, we can stay here,
get arrested,
Copy !req
1380. and end our hopes of ever
going to White Castle.
Copy !req
1381. Or we can take that hang glider
and make our leap towards freedom.
Copy !req
1382. I leave the decision up to you.
Copy !req
1383. I hate you, Kumar.
Copy !req
1384. Tilt forward.
Copy !req
1385. - Roldy.
- What?
Copy !req
1386. - Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.
- All right.
Copy !req
1387. - Good job, Rold. Keep running.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1388. Hey, Roldy, there's something
I forgot to tell you.
Copy !req
1389. What?
Copy !req
1390. - I've never hang-glided before.
- What?
Copy !req
1391. Jump!
Copy !req
1392. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1393. - Dude, it's working!
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1394. Yeah!
Copy !req
1395. Good news.
Copy !req
1396. I just found enough dope in the car
Copy !req
1397. to put these skateboard punks
in jail for the next couple of years.
Copy !req
1398. - Dude, we're so high right now.
- We're not low.
Copy !req
1399. All right, I'm bringing her in.
Right, left, left.
Copy !req
1400. Nice! Perfect!
Copy !req
1401. Shit!
Copy !req
1402. God!
Copy !req
1403. - I'm gonna kill you!
- Oh! Oh!
Copy !req
1404. We made it, dude.
Copy !req
1405. Looks like you guys
had some night, huh?
Copy !req
1406. I want thirty Slyders, five French fries,
and four large Cherry Cokes.
Copy !req
1407. I want the same, except
make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.
Copy !req
1408. Wow. Uh, well,
that comes to $46.75.
Copy !req
1409. - Dude, where's my money? Hey.
- You don't have money?
Copy !req
1410. - Dude, are you kidding me?
- No.
Copy !req
1411. I gave mine
to that asshole at Princeton.
Copy !req
1412. Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck!
No! Dude, this isn't happening!
Copy !req
1413. We didn't make it here,
and now we're broke!
Copy !req
1414. No, no, no, no!
Copy !req
1415. Hey, guys, let me pay for it.
It's the least I can do.
Copy !req
1416. What the hell are you doing here?
Copy !req
1417. You guys kept talking about
White Castle last night so much,
Copy !req
1418. it made me start to crave it too.
Copy !req
1419. - Dude, where's my car?
- Where's his car, dude?
Copy !req
1420. Yeah, sorry about that.
I told you last night I was tripping balls.
Copy !req
1421. I don't know what came over me.
Copy !req
1422. Your car's in the parking lot.
Here are your keys.
Copy !req
1423. Do you realize what the hell we had
to go through after you took the car?
Copy !req
1424. Yeah. It was a dick move
on my part.
Copy !req
1425. That's why I'm paying
for your meal.
Copy !req
1426. Prick.
Copy !req
1427. Thanks, I guess.
Copy !req
1428. Here's 50 bucks for the burgers
and 200 for the car.
Copy !req
1429. What happened to my car?
Copy !req
1430. I made some love stains
in the back seat.
Copy !req
1431. You'll see.
Copy !req
1432. Anyway, nice meeting you guys.
I'll catch you later.
Copy !req
1433. Where you going?
Copy !req
1434. Wherever God takes me.
Copy !req
1435. Oh... oh, ho ho.
Copy !req
1436. Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
1437. Let's do this together.
Copy !req
1438. Damn, that hit the spot.
Copy !req
1439. - That was the best meal of my life.
- Mine too.
Copy !req
1440. You know what, dude?
Copy !req
1441. I think I may actually go
to my interview today.
Copy !req
1442. Are you serious?
Copy !req
1443. You know, my whole life
I've just been scared
Copy !req
1444. of being one of those nerdy
Indian-guys-turned-doctor,
Copy !req
1445. but tonight got me thinking,
and, I mean,
Copy !req
1446. there are far worse things
in this world than being tapped
Copy !req
1447. for having natural ability in medicine.
Copy !req
1448. Plus, how cool was that,
saving that dude's life last night, man?
Copy !req
1449. I think it was somewhere between that,
getting yelled at by my dad,
Copy !req
1450. and seeing Neil Patrick Harris
Copy !req
1451. that I realized that I've
always wanted to be a doctor.
Copy !req
1452. I've just been too scared
to admit it to myself.
Copy !req
1453. Hey, Billy,
you paying for this?
Copy !req
1454. Uh, yeah, yeah,
I'll be there in a minute.
Copy !req
1455. That's good, 'cause if he wasn't...
Copy !req
1456. you would!
Copy !req
1457. Yo, are you listening to me, Roldy?
I'm having a major epiphany here.
Copy !req
1458. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
1459. You're unlike any other woman
I've ever met in my life.
Copy !req
1460. What the fuck is going on here?
Copy !req
1461. Harold? What happened to you, man?
What are... what are you doing...
Copy !req
1462. Never mind me.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Copy !req
1463. I thought you and J.D.
were busy all night with clients.
Copy !req
1464. Isn't that why I had to do your work?
Copy !req
1465. - Hey, Henry, what the hell's going on here?
- Back off, cock boy.
Copy !req
1466. What I said to him goes double for you.
Copy !req
1467. Cock boy?
Did you just call me cock boy?
Copy !req
1468. Yeah, you know I did.
Copy !req
1469. You're just stalling because you're not
quick enough to think of a comeback.
Copy !req
1470. You think I'm not quick enough.
Guy thinks I'm not quick enough.
Copy !req
1471. Well, I've got news for you.
I am quick enough...
Copy !req
1472. cock boy!
Copy !req
1473. Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
1474. Don't bother with him. We'll take it up
with Berenson tomorrow.
Copy !req
1475. What are you gonna tell Berenson?
Copy !req
1476. That I'm your workhorse?
Copy !req
1477. That you guys think
you can party all weekend,
Copy !req
1478. leave the work to
the quiet Asian guy in the office?
Copy !req
1479. - No, no, no, you don't understand.
- No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.
Copy !req
1480. I'm not doing
your work for you anymore.
Copy !req
1481. And if either one of you douchebags
Copy !req
1482. ever tries to pull this shit again,
Copy !req
1483. I'll go to Berenson myself.
Copy !req
1484. I'll tell him what's really going on.
Copy !req
1485. And I'll tell the whole office
Copy !req
1486. how you both caught gonorrhea
from that prostitute in Atlantic City.
Copy !req
1487. Now, If you'll excuse me, boys,
I gotta get going. Kumar.
Copy !req
1488. See you boys at the office on Monday.
Copy !req
1489. Excuse me.
Copy !req
1490. Uhh!
Copy !req
1491. Dude, that was awesome!
Where the hell did that come from?
Copy !req
1492. I don't know.
Copy !req
1493. Eating those delicious burgers
made me feel like a new man.
Copy !req
1494. You know what?
Copy !req
1495. Now I'm actually looking forward
to going to work this week.
Copy !req
1496. No shit. You know,
you might be worthwhile after all.
Copy !req
1497. I'm not worthless.
Copy !req
1498. Hey, um... so those dudes
really have gonorrhea?
Copy !req
1499. Beats me.
Copy !req
1500. Hey.
Copy !req
1501. Let's get going.
Copy !req
1502. What's the rush, dude?
Copy !req
1503. I don't have my interview
for a couple of hours.
Copy !req
1504. I got some unfinished business
to take care of.
Copy !req
1505. I thought those guys
were gonna do the work.
Copy !req
1506. No, no, no, unfinished business.
Copy !req
1507. - Maria.
- Still not following you.
Copy !req
1508. Get in!
Copy !req
1509. So you don't even have a plan.
Copy !req
1510. Dude, I got love on my side, man.
Copy !req
1511. Trust me.
Copy !req
1512. When I see Maria, I'm gonna
know exactly what to say.
Copy !req
1513. - Hey.
- Hey.
Copy !req
1514. Looks like you guys
have had some night.
Copy !req
1515. Shit. You know what? I... yeah.
I left my lighter in your car.
Copy !req
1516. Do me a favor and run down
and get it for me, please?
Copy !req
1517. I... I... I gotta urinate.
Copy !req
1518. Oh.
Copy !req
1519. Sure got a lot of baggage.
Copy !req
1520. Uh, Maria, wait.
Copy !req
1521. Okay, I know this is gonna seem
completely out of the blue,
Copy !req
1522. and I know you don't know me
very well... or, um, at all.
Copy !req
1523. But let me tell you what
the best part of my day is.
Copy !req
1524. I come home from work
and I walk through this lobby,
Copy !req
1525. and on days that I'm lucky enough,
Copy !req
1526. I spend ten seconds
in this elevator with you.
Copy !req
1527. I had the craziest night
of my life tonight,
Copy !req
1528. and I guess I learned that
if you want something or someone,
Copy !req
1529. you have to go for it.
Copy !req
1530. And if Liane can
marry a guy like Freakshow
Copy !req
1531. and I can hang-glide
and I can... and I can ride a cheetah,
Copy !req
1532. then I guess...
Copy !req
1533. Oh, fuck it.
Copy !req
1534. Give me a minute.
This is crazy.
Copy !req
1535. - That was... I'm sorry.
- I don't even know you.
Copy !req
1536. I had White Castle,
so I'm a little, uh, dizzy.
Copy !req
1537. - We don't ever speak.
- We don't talk, so that was inappropriate.
Copy !req
1538. Oh, fuck it.
Copy !req
1539. Whoo. Okay.
Copy !req
1540. Now you just have to work
on your timing.
Copy !req
1541. - Where are you going?
- Amsterdam.
Copy !req
1542. I'll be back in ten days.
But I'll see you when I get back?
Copy !req
1543. Yeah, let's do that.
Copy !req
1544. Yeah.
Copy !req
1545. Bye, Harold.
Copy !req
1546. Uh, bye. Bye.
I'll see you later.
Copy !req
1547. - She touch your penis?
- What?
Copy !req
1548. All right, well, what happened?
What happened?
Copy !req
1549. Uh, nothing much, really.
Just, um, just a little kiss action.
Copy !req
1550. Nice. Nice!
Copy !req
1551. Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam.
She'll be back in ten days.
Copy !req
1552. Whoa, whoa, whoa, we gotta go.
Copy !req
1553. - Where?
- Amsterdam, man.
Copy !req
1554. We gotta get our bags packed...
Copy !req
1555. - Amsterdam?
- And frickin' take the next flight out. Yes!
Copy !req
1556. Are you freaking out of your mind?
What about your interview?
Copy !req
1557. Dude, whatever.
I'll tell my dad to reschedule it.
Copy !req
1558. He won't have a problem as long as
I take it seriously for a change.
Copy !req
1559. We gotta freakin'
go to Europe and find Maria.
Copy !req
1560. Dude, she's coming back
in ten days.
Copy !req
1561. It's not like I'm never
gonna see her again.
Copy !req
1562. Listen, for a hot chick,
Copy !req
1563. ten days in Europe
can be the kiss of death, okay?
Copy !req
1564. She's gonna have all these suave,
sophisticated guys all over her.
Copy !req
1565. When she gets back,
she may not be available.
Copy !req
1566. Forget it. I'll see her
when she comes back.
Copy !req
1567. Hey, Roldy.
Copy !req
1568. You do realize what's legal
in Amsterdam, don't you?
Copy !req
1569. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1570. In today's headlines,
Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson
Copy !req
1571. and attorney Nathaniel Banks
are suing the state of New Jersey
Copy !req
1572. for racial discrimination
and police brutality.
Copy !req
1573. My family and I are outraged
Copy !req
1574. and will settle for
nothing less than justice.
Copy !req
1575. I still trust and love
all white people, all of them.
Copy !req
1576. And Asians.
And Asians.
Copy !req
1577. And a few Mexicans as well.
Copy !req
1578. Several of the officers
suspected of brutality
Copy !req
1579. were taken into custody
earlier this morning.
Copy !req
1580. I'm not a ... in' racist,
you mother...!
Copy !req
1581. No black mother... gonna get away
with this, so all y'all. Okay?
Copy !req
1582. You can suck my.
Copy !req
1583. Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey,
Copy !req
1584. have just arrested
a gang of hooligans
Copy !req
1585. who are suspected of terrorizing
numerous strip malls
Copy !req
1586. and convenience stores.
Copy !req
1587. Officer Thurmond Brucks
found their abandoned car,
Copy !req
1588. which contained a large bag
of marijuana.
Copy !req
1589. And in other news,
the Muckleburg Police Department
Copy !req
1590. are still looking for a fugitive
Copy !req
1591. who escaped
from the police station last night
Copy !req
1592. with a companion
believed to be his accomplice.
Copy !req
1593. Police have released
sketches of the two fugitives
Copy !req
1594. which they believe
to be extremely accurate.
Copy !req
1595. Nice!
Copy !req