1. My name is Happy Gilmore.
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2. Ever since I was old enough to skate,
I loved hockey.
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3. I wasn't really
the greatest skater.
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4. But that didn't keep my dad
from teaching me...
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5. the secret of making
a great slap shot.
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6. My dad worshipped hockey.
My mom didn't.
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7. So she moved to Egypt, where there's
not a hockey rink within 1500 miles.
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8. Dad took me to games
to see our favorite player...
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9. Terry O'Reilly,
"The Tasmanian Devil".
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10. He wasn't a big guy,
but he feared nobody, just like me.
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11. Handsome fellow, huh? He said
when I grew up, I could be anything.
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12. But all I ever wanted to be
was a hockey player.
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13. My childhood was going great,
but life is full of surprises.
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14. After the funeral, I was sent to live
with my grandma in Waterbury.
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15. I was nervous,
since I didn't know her that well.
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16. She dressed like Gene Simmons
from KISS to cheer me up.
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17. She's the sweetest person
in the world.
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18. After my dad died,
I developed a short fuse.
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19. That kid stole my party blower.
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20. Instead of asking for it back,
I hit him in the head repeatedly...
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21. with a hammer.
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22. Most of the time, I was quick to say
I was sorry.
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23. Years later, I played junior hockey
and still hold two league records...
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24. most time spent
in a penalty box...
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25. and I was the only guy to ever try
to stab someone with his skates.
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26. After I graduated, I had
a lot of different jobs.
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27. I was a road worker...
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28. a janitor...
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29. a security guard...
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30. a gas station attendant...
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31. and a plumber.
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32. Lately, I've been working
construction. It's not bad.
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33. I'm a good shot with a nail gun.
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34. But one day my boss, Mr. Larson,
got in the way.
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35. Apparently, he also has a short fuse.
Look at the monster.
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36. He got in a few lucky punches,
but I feel I won the fight.
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37. Anyway, those jobs
weren't for me.
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38. I was put on this planet
for one reason... to play hockey.
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39. It's my puck, baby!
Don't you ever touch my puck!
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40. Is that Gilmore again?
How many times has he tried out?
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41. At least ten times.
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42. He has a lot of intensity.
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43. Not a strong skater, though.
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44. Nor the best puck handler.
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45. But, my God...
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46. What a shot.
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47. It that goal regulation size
or what?
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48. Number one...
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49. number fifty-two... number sixteen...
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50. They saw my power.
They won't dog me this year.
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51. Number nine...
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52. and number forty-three.
The rest of you...
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53. better luck next year.
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54. Coach, what's going on?
What about me?
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55. Gilmore.
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56. I called your number, didn't I?
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57. No, you didn't.
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58. Well, better luck next year.
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59. That wasn't very nice!
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60. You think you're better
than me?
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61. Where you going? I got Subway.
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62. I already ate.
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63. I knew the guy working there,
so we got extra meatballs.
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64. Great. I got to run.
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65. Can you stay? I had a rough day.
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66. Bye.
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67. - When will you be back?
- Never.
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68. Terry, wait!
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69. Wait! Hold on a second, babe.
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70. You're not going for good,
are you?
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71. You're going nowhere
and taking me with you.
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72. All you ever talk about is being a pro
hockey player, but you're not any good.
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73. I am good! You know what?
You're a lousy kindergarten teacher!
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74. I saw the finger paintings
you bring home... they suck!
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75. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
They're excellent finger paintings.
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76. Please don't go.
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77. I'm not spending the rest of my life
with a loser.
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78. I'm gone.
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79. Good! Get the hell out of my life!
Who needs you? Beat it!
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80. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
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81. I just yell
'cause I get so scared.
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82. Scared of being a nobody.
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83. Why don't you come back
upstairs, honey?
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84. I'll give you the old smoochy-smoo
kissy-wissy.
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85. You know Happy
will make everything okay.
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86. I want to kiss you all over
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87. And over and again
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88. I want to kiss you all over
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89. Till the night closes in
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90. Till the night closes in
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91. Terry!
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92. Sit tight. I'll be right over.
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93. Hey, you don't want breakfast?
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94. Grandma?
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95. Put that down!
It's my grandmother's!
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96. Cut it out, kid.
We're just doing our job.
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97. What are you talking about?
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98. Your grandmother
hasn't paid taxes in 10 years.
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99. Grandma, you didn't pay
your taxes?
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100. I would have,
but I didn't have any money.
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101. Where are you taking her stuff?
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102. I'm not taking her stuff,
the government is.
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103. It's not like I'm taking her stuff
over to my place.
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104. Don't get mad at me.
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105. But she's an old lady.
Look at her. She's old.
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106. You can't just take her stuff.
She's too old.
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107. I'm sorry. I have no discretion.
Her stuff is now our stuff.
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108. Well, at least we got the house.
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109. I'll bring furniture from my place.
We'll be okay.
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110. Now you'll really be mad.
I'm taking the house, too.
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111. My grandfather built this house
with his bare hands.
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112. My grandma's been here over 60 years.
You can't take her house.
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113. Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS
$270,000 in back taxes.
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114. We have to take the house.
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115. If you can't repay the money in 90
days, we sell the house to someone else.
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116. You hate me, don't you?
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117. No, I don't hate you.
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118. He hates me.
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119. Don't worry-
things will be okay.
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120. Look at this place.
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121. Silver Acres Rest Home.
It looks more like a country club.
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122. Nice grass, nice people.
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123. I hope you brought
your bathing suit.
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124. You're going to make friends
in no time.
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125. Mister!
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126. Get me out of here!
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127. Here, eat that! Leave us alone!
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128. Grandma, you could come
live with me.
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129. Nonsense, dear.
You're a grown man.
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130. I wouldn't burden you
like that and that's final.
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131. Tell me, how is that nice girlfriend
of yours?
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132. She got hit by a car.
She's dead.
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133. Listen, I will get that $270,000
and get your house back.
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134. I promise.
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135. Oh, sure.
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136. In the meantime, just stay here
and have some fun.
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137. I will, dear. Don't worry.
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138. Pardon me, but it's nap time.
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139. Nap time... that sounds nice.
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140. - You go.
- I love you.
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141. I love you, too, darling.
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142. Buddy, do me a favor.
You see that lady?
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143. She's very important to me.
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144. I want you to take
extra special care of her.
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145. You know what I mean?
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146. I can't accept that.
But this is what I can do.
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147. I can take extra special care
of that young lady for nothing.
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148. I appreciate that.
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149. Have a nice afternoon.
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150. Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of
warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
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151. You could trouble me for a warm glass
of shut the hell up.
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152. Go to sleep
or I will put you to sleep.
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153. Check out the name tag.
You're in my world now, Grandma.
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154. Oh, dear.
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155. Bet you I can hit a ball
past that tree.
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156. Twenty bucks says you can't.
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157. Morons, I told you I want to watch
the hockey game.
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158. Cut the golf sissy crap
and finish up.
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159. Oh, relax.
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160. You can enjoy your grandma's
possessions for another half hour.
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161. Oh, you got a hold of that one!
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162. - You try it.
- It's not as easy as it looks.
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163. Sorry, ladies.
I'm not the golfing type.
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164. You hit a ball past my ball...
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165. we'll finish work so you can watch
your hockey game.
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166. Give me the stupid club.
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167. Look at this stupid thing.
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168. This will be hilarious.
Look how he's standing.
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169. You like that?
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170. Holy shit.
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171. Back to work.
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172. That house is 400 yards away.
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173. Is that good?
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174. - That's unbelievable.
- Beginner's luck.
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175. I bet $20 you can't do it again.
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176. Bring it on.
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177. You boys are going to pay
for that...
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178. - You hit him!
- He shouldn't have been standing there.
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179. One more time.
Double or nothing.
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180. You better pay up.
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181. Oops. Maybe we should
get back inside.
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182. You made a bet. Pay the man.
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183. Thanks. Tell your friends.
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184. Step right up, folks!
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185. See if you can outdrive the amazing
Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!
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186. That's great.
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187. Very good.
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188. Bend your knees. Remember,
it's in the hips. You're doing great.
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189. It's in the hips.
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190. Fifty bucks I can hit it
over the highway.
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191. That's real good.
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192. So long, sucker.
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193. How often do you play?
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194. This is my first time.
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195. You should play
in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.
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196. Yeah, right, I'll see you there.
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197. He's going to play.
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198. And, by God, he's going to win.
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199. Mister, you need a helmet.
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200. Don't worry about it.
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201. Yeah, bring that shit on.
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202. I love it.
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203. Awesome.
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204. God, that hurt, but I'm okay.
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205. What the hell are you doing?
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206. Just 364 more days till the next
hockey tryouts. I got to get tough.
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207. God, that felt good.
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208. Cut that out.
You're making me sick.
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209. So you're a hockey player.
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210. You got to give that up
and concentrate on golf.
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211. Who are you?
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212. I'm the club pro here...
Chubbs Peterson.
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213. I'm offering to teach you
how to play golf, personally, for free.
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214. No.
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215. You don't know who I am, do you?
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216. No, I don't.
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217. Back in 1965...
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218. Sports Illustrated said I would be
the next Arnold Palmer.
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219. What happened?
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220. I wasn't allowed
to play pro anymore.
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221. I'm sorry. Because you're black?
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222. Hell, no.
An alligator bit my hand off.
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223. Oh, my God!
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224. Tournament in Florida.
My ball went down by a lake.
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225. Damn alligator just popped up!
Cut me down in my prime.
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226. But I tore one of that bastard's eyes
out. Look at that.
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227. You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
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228. I've never seen anyone...
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229. who can hit the ball
half as far as you. You got real talent.
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230. That's nice of you to say, but
I trained all my life to play hockey.
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231. Golf is no different... requires talent,
self-discipline.
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232. Golf requires goofy pants
and a fat ass.
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233. Talk to my neighbor... a great golfer.
Huge ass.
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234. I bet your neighbor can't drive
the ball 400 yards.
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235. I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot
to get on the Pro Tour.
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236. How would I do that?
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237. You win the Open tomorrow,
you're on the Pro Tour.
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238. Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win
the Tour Championship.
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239. Get that gold jacket
I never got.
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240. Gold jacket, green jacket...
who cares?
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241. Don't worry. It's made of wood...
real sturdy.
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242. Sorry about that.
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243. It was good to meet you,
but, uh...
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244. I'm out of here.
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245. This is not real smart, kid.
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246. I thought you were pro material,
primed for the big bucks.
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247. Hey, Chubbs...
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248. what kind of big bucks?
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249. Stupid golf clubs.
Why the hell am I doing this?
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250. Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds
or something.
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251. Good morning!
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252. Isn't this great? Blue skies,
fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.
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253. You going to recite me a poem?
Geez, you love this golf stuff.
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254. A guy your size... why not play
a real sport, like football?
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255. My mama wouldn't let me.
Said it was too dangerous.
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256. Yeah, good call.
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257. Hey, who's that?
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258. The shorter guy is Doug Thompson,
president of the Tour.
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259. The other guy is Shooter McGavin,
leading money winner this year.
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260. Who's the girl?
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261. I'm Virginia Venit, Director
of Public Relations for the Tour.
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262. Of course. I've heard you've done
some really interesting things.
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263. Right now I'm working
on a promotion...
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264. You know what would be great?
If I could get a Pepsi.
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265. Sure.
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266. Oh, miss?
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267. Diet.
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268. Right.
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269. Hey, thanks for dressing up.
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270. If I wore clothes like those,
I'd have to kick my own ass.
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271. Good morning, everyone.
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272. Welcome to the Waterbury Open.
Before we begin, I have a treat for you.
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273. Ladies and gentlemen,
Shooter McGavin.
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274. Thank you, Doug.
I saw Doug play yesterday.
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275. He spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.
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276. Let me get serious.
You're all aware...
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277. today's winner will be invited
to join the Pro Tour.
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278. Although only one will become
my colleague...
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279. all of you are now my friends.
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280. Thank you. Now go get 'em!
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281. Next up: Lafferty, Daniel
and Gilmore... Happy.
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282. Where you taking
those clubs, punk?
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283. Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy.
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284. Sorry. I'll carry these.
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285. They're my grandfather's.
They're pretty old.
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286. What should I do then?
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287. Why don't you just watch me...
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288. and make sure
I don't do anything stupid?
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289. Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty
is teeing off now.
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290. Okay. Good luck, buddy.
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291. Get out of the way.
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292. Where were you that time,
dipshit?
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293. Probably the best I'll hit
all day.
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294. Mr. Gilmore, you're up.
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295. Damn it!
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296. Time!
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297. Relax. Do what we discussed.
Don't look at the green.
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298. Hit the ball. There's no goalie
anywhere to block it.
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299. Remember, it's all in the hip.
Come on. Work with me.
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300. It's all in the hips.
All in the hips.
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301. It's all in the hips.
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302. Get off me!
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303. Just easing the tension.
Just easing the tension.
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304. Well, ease it on someone else.
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305. What the hell?
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306. Good. Now we just worry
about putting.
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307. Oh, yeah. Putting.
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308. Remember what I said.
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309. Use your shoulders
to push the ball, not the arms.
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310. Don't break the wrist.
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311. Whoa, you're confusing me.
Just let me put the ball in the hole.
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312. Is he kidding?
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313. This is pathetic.
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314. Good shot.
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315. It's about time.
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316. True. I just couldn't get the ball in
the hole. I wanted to, but I couldn't.
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317. He shoots, he scores!
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318. That was much easier than putting.
I should try and do that every time.
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319. Good plan.
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320. - Did you see that?
- Yes. Nice.
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321. He got a hole in one
on a par four.
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322. I said I saw it.
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323. I hope he wins.
He's a publicist's dream.
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324. A guy who can drive the ball
that far... he could really draw a crowd.
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325. So could a golfer with an arm
growing out of his ass.
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326. Now, you make this one
in four or less shots...
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327. you win the tournament.
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328. Four shots.
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329. Think of it this way. The other team
has pulled their goalie.
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330. It's wide open.
All you have to do is tap it in.
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331. I can do that.
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332. Don't worry. You're doing fine.
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333. All you have to do is tap it in.
Just tap it in.
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334. Just tap it in.
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335. Just tap it in. Just tap it in.
Give it a little tappy.
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336. Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.
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337. Grandma, Grandma...
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338. Grandma, Grandma.
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339. All right!
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340. He's going to be on the Tour.
Super.
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341. That's cute.
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342. Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit.
I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.
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343. Nice to meet you.
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344. Congratulations.
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345. I saw that hole in one on a par four.
That must be a record.
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346. I got a hockey record.
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347. I tried to stab someone with my skate.
Nobody else ever did that.
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348. That's wonderful.
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349. I am a bit bummed.
I thought we got money for this.
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350. Cheer up. Next week in Portland,
the winner takes home $216,000.
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351. And the guy who comes in last?
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352. $2,400.
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353. So no matter what,
I'll get some money.
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354. Yeah. Well, I'll see you
next week then.
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355. Bye.
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356. I hate to admit this,
but this is my first trophy.
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357. I wish that goofy golf guy
wasn't on top.
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358. Maybe I'll put a hockey guy
on instead.
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359. Happy, shut your trap.
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360. - You were great out there today.
- Thank you.
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361. But not that great.
A lot of that was luck.
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362. Some might call it luck.
I like to call it...
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363. well, luck, I guess. So what?
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364. Don't join the Pro Tour yet.
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365. We got work to do
before you go against professionals.
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366. Forget it.
I'll pick up the rest as I go.
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367. Don't be a fool! People would kill
to hit the long ball like you.
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368. You got an advantage
over any other golfer.
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369. By developing the rest
of your game...
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370. you'd be unstoppable.
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371. You're right, but I need money.
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372. Don't be an asshole. Give me six
months. I'll work with you every day.
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373. No, I got to go. I appreciate
everything. Wish me luck.
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374. Best of luck, kid. Best of luck.
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375. Marty, shut up
and I'll tell you.
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376. The price is $200 per quilt.
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377. Well, this is handmade
quality shit.
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378. When do you need them by? Okay.
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379. Good doing business with you.
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380. Okay, everyone. Turn up your volumes.
Announcement.
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381. Good news... arts and crafts time
is extended 4 hours.
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382. My fingers hurt.
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383. What's that?
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384. My fingers hurt.
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385. Well, soon your back will hurt
because you just got landscaping duty.
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386. Anyone else's fingers hurt?
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387. I didn't think so.
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388. Why do you make me act
like that, huh?
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389. Mr. Gilmore!
Toidy's to the right, dear.
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390. - How's Grandma?
- Super. It's arts and crafts time.
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391. Grandma is quite a quilter.
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392. That's a tremendous trophy.
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393. Happy, I'm so glad to see you.
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394. I'm glad to see you, too.
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395. I think about you all the time.
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396. Looks like everyone's
having fun here.
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397. Good news... I made
the Professional Golfers' Tour.
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398. That's lovely.
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399. You know what else is lovely?
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400. If I can beat those other guys...
we'll get the house back.
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401. Oh, thank God! I can't stand to live
in this place another minute!
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402. I thought you liked it here.
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403. That orderly is nice.
Don't you like him?
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404. Oh, I do.
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405. It's just that the air conditioner's
broken. I'm getting a little warm.
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406. Let the kid fix it for you.
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407. Get the little twisty knobs.
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408. That ain't doing it. Okay.
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409. Mister! Mister!
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410. Get this off of me! Mister!
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411. I'll be right down!
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412. You know that "Mister, mister" lady?
I think I killed her.
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413. Norman spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.
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414. Come on, that was funny.
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415. - It was the first time I heard it.
- Drink up.
Copy !req
416. Anyone tapped the keg yet?
I'll pump. I'm Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
417. Mark Lye. Welcome to the Tour.
Copy !req
418. I heard about the ace you had
on a par four. Impressive.
Copy !req
419. You heard about that?
Copy !req
420. Cool. That's a nice jacket.
Copy !req
421. You get one if you win
the Tour Championship.
Copy !req
422. Oh, yeah? What's that?
Copy !req
423. Only the biggest tournament
of the year.
Copy !req
424. Oh, really? Where's yours?
Copy !req
425. Good one. He's funny.
I'll have mine in three months.
Copy !req
426. Not if I have anything
to do with it.
Copy !req
427. Whoa, look out.
Copy !req
428. You better look out.
Copy !req
429. If you're free, join us at 9:00
on the ninth green.
Copy !req
430. - What happens there?
- Secret of the pros.
Copy !req
431. All right, cool.
Copy !req
432. I'm out of here. I hear the Asteroids
machine calling my name. Peace.
Copy !req
433. And, Happy... dress nice, huh?
Copy !req
434. All right, all right.
Copy !req
435. Almost nine o'clock.
Copy !req
436. Public relations lady,
you seen Shooter McGavin?
Copy !req
437. - No. Why?
- I need to beat the piss out of him.
Copy !req
438. Let me guess... the ninth green
at nine trick.
Copy !req
439. It would appear so.
Copy !req
440. He does deserve a beating.
Copy !req
441. But if you beat him up,
I'll have to explain to the papers...
Copy !req
442. why the new guy beat up
Shooter McGavin. More work for me.
Copy !req
443. I don't want to do that.
Copy !req
444. Forget about Shooter.
He's just threatened by you.
Copy !req
445. He's afraid you'll steal
his thunder.
Copy !req
446. That's nice of you to say.
Copy !req
447. So, I'm going to go change now.
Copy !req
448. My girlfriend's dead. She fell off
a cliff and died on impact.
Copy !req
449. Really? I'm sorry to hear that.
Copy !req
450. You should get some sleep.
Tomorrow's a big day.
Copy !req
451. You're right. It is.
Copy !req
452. Hello. I'm Verne Lundquist,
with Jack Beard.
Copy !req
453. We have a nice crowd here
on this sun-sational April morning...
Copy !req
454. for the 22nd annual
AT&T Invitational.
Copy !req
455. Here today are elite golfers
from around the world.
Copy !req
456. The favorite is Shooter McGavin.
He's won three of the last four.
Copy !req
457. Thanks, man.
Copy !req
458. Here's my last buck.
Copy !req
459. This is the last time.
Copy !req
460. He's just trying to make some money.
Leave him alone.
Copy !req
461. I don't know why I'm winning.
Copy !req
462. I'm in the zone.
The hole seems to get bigger.
Copy !req
463. You like being the favorite?
Copy !req
464. I'm not. With the great players here,
anyone could win.
Copy !req
465. I'll just do my best.
Copy !req
466. The real favorite is Portland. Every
time I visit, it's harder to leave.
Copy !req
467. Must be something in the water.
Well, time to play golf.
Copy !req
468. Good luck.
Copy !req
469. I'm a hockey player
playing golf today.
Copy !req
470. Name?
Copy !req
471. Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
472. The guy with the long drive.
Copy !req
473. - Caddy's name?
- You haven't given me one yet.
Copy !req
474. On the Pro Tour,
you provide your own.
Copy !req
475. Really?
Copy !req
476. Okay.
Copy !req
477. Easy with those clubs.
They're antiques.
Copy !req
478. Gary Potter. Great to have you
on the Tour.
Copy !req
479. I feel a lot of solid energy coming
out of you. Good positive aura.
Copy !req
480. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
481. Is it always like this... TV cameras,
people and stuff?
Copy !req
482. Yeah, a lot of pressure.
Rise above it.
Copy !req
483. Harness in the good energy,
block out the bad.
Copy !req
484. Harness energy, block bad.
Copy !req
485. Feel the flow, Happy.
It's circular.
Copy !req
486. It's like a carousel.
Copy !req
487. You get on the horse.
It goes up, down and around.
Copy !req
488. Circular. Circle. With the music,
the flow. All good things.
Copy !req
489. Okay. Well, great. Thanks.
Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
490. Psycho.
Copy !req
491. Next to tee off, Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
492. Give me a club.
Copy !req
493. I'll get it.
Copy !req
494. Fu..., sh..., fu..., ass...
Copy !req
495. Sorry.
Copy !req
496. Psycho.
Copy !req
497. What a shot by Happy Gilmore!
Copy !req
498. Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?
Copy !req
499. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
500. I got it!
Copy !req
501. Like that, baby?
Copy !req
502. Plenty more
where that came from!
Copy !req
503. Get Virginia Venit in here, now.
Copy !req
504. Use a five iron.
Copy !req
505. You think so? Give me my wedge.
Copy !req
506. Five iron, huh?
You're fired. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
507. What are you doing, Happy... riding
a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!
Copy !req
508. Doing the bull dance.
Feeling the flow. Working it.
Copy !req
509. On the 18th green, Shooter McGavin
putts for the win.
Copy !req
510. His crowd seems unusually small
for this type of moment.
Copy !req
511. Most people are over watching
Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
512. He's the talk of the course...
Copy !req
513. with his huge drives
and bizarre behavior.
Copy !req
514. He's on the 17th green right now,
having trouble closing out his day.
Copy !req
515. Happy, the ball has its own energy
or life force, if you will.
Copy !req
516. Its natural environment
is in the hole.
Copy !req
517. Why don't you send him home?
Copy !req
518. His bags are packed.
He has his plane ticket.
Copy !req
519. Bring him to the airport.
Copy !req
520. Send him home.
Copy !req
521. Send him home.
I'll send him home.
Copy !req
522. It's time to go home, ball.
Copy !req
523. Son of a bitch ball!
Why didn't you go home?
Copy !req
524. That's your home! Are you too good
for your home? Answer me!
Copy !req
525. Suck my white ass, ball!
Copy !req
526. Draft a press release stating Gilmore
is being thrown off the Tour.
Copy !req
527. I want to see it by 6:00 P.M.
Copy !req
528. You're right... his behavior is
completely unacceptable.
Copy !req
529. But golf has been waiting
for a player like this.
Copy !req
530. A colorful, emotional,
working class hero.
Copy !req
531. I will not tolerate this behavior.
Gilmore is gone.
Copy !req
532. I got a call
from the Dallas Open.
Copy !req
533. They're deluged with calls
from people who want to see Happy.
Copy !req
534. - They sold out.
- Already?
Copy !req
535. I know he's a little rough.
Let me work with him.
Copy !req
536. Okay. Fine.
But he's your responsibility.
Copy !req
537. If he cleans up, he can stay.
Copy !req
538. If he doesn't, it's your ass.
Copy !req
539. And any more of this...
Copy !req
540. and he's gone.
Copy !req
541. Shooter! Shooter!
Copy !req
542. What do you think
of Happy Gilmore?
Copy !req
543. I didn't see him play.
I was too busy winning.
Copy !req
544. But a 450-yard drive
is impressive.
Copy !req
545. Yeah. Where did he finish again?
Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.
Copy !req
546. Did he really make
a 450-yard ace?
Copy !req
547. Where's my check?
Copy !req
548. We mail them next week.
Copy !req
549. I want mine now.
Copy !req
550. I don't have any checks.
Copy !req
551. He got one. Give me
one of them big ones, I don't care.
Copy !req
552. Give me a beer, pal.
Copy !req
553. Put that on my tab.
Copy !req
554. You were the talk
of the tournament, Gilmore.
Copy !req
555. Wow, thanks a lot.
Copy !req
556. You sure crush the ball at the tee.
You'd do well in a long-drive contest.
Copy !req
557. You'd make good money, traveling,
hustling at driving ranges.
Copy !req
558. I know what you're doing
right now...
Copy !req
559. and I don't like it. So just shut
your trap before I put my foot in it.
Copy !req
560. Don't turn your back on me.
Listen, this is Shooter's tour.
Copy !req
561. I worked hard, paid my dues...
now it's Shooter's turn.
Copy !req
562. Shooter won't let his reign at the top
be spoiled by some freak.
Copy !req
563. Did you call me a freak?
Copy !req
564. I was on this tour for one reason...
money.
Copy !req
565. Now I got a new one...
kicking your ass.
Copy !req
566. I'd like to see you try.
Copy !req
567. Let's do it.
Copy !req
568. I meant at golf.
Copy !req
569. What's going on here?
Copy !req
570. I was looking for the other half
of this bottle.
Copy !req
571. Oh, there's some of it
right there.
Copy !req
572. - Why don't you put it down?
- I know.
Copy !req
573. Just stay out of my way.
Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Copy !req
574. Why don't I go eat some hay?
Copy !req
575. I could make things out of clay
and lay by the bay.
Copy !req
576. What do you say?
Copy !req
577. Calm down or you'll get kicked
off the Tour.
Copy !req
578. - That can't happen.
- It can, and I don't want it to.
Copy !req
579. You could be a big star.
Copy !req
580. I just want to make some money.
Copy !req
581. You won't be around long enough
to do that if you don't behave.
Copy !req
582. What do you mean by "behave"?
Copy !req
583. No swearing,
no throwing clubs...
Copy !req
584. and especially no hitting
other players.
Copy !req
585. You mean no fun.
Copy !req
586. You can have fun.
Copy !req
587. That's why I think people come
to see you. But keep it within reason.
Copy !req
588. I will work on what you call behaving.
But I won't act like a stiff.
Copy !req
589. Fine. Thank you.
Copy !req
590. Hey, um...
Copy !req
591. you want to get some food?
Copy !req
592. No, thanks.
I don't date golfers.
Copy !req
593. Good. I'm a hockey player.
Copy !req
594. Just behave, okay?
Copy !req
595. Happy Gilmore approaches the tee
in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic.
Copy !req
596. Happy Gilmore!
Drive it 400 yards!
Copy !req
597. I can't believe I have fans.
I waited all my life for that.
Copy !req
598. Don't be alarmed, Mr. Gilmore.
Copy !req
599. I know we had our problems,
but I'm proud of you.
Copy !req
600. Thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
Copy !req
601. It's good to see you again.
Copy !req
602. How's that, uh, thing feeling?
Copy !req
603. Terrific. The nail comes out
next week.
Copy !req
604. Well, you hardly even notice it.
Copy !req
605. Let's make a little noise here.
Copy !req
606. Come on! I can't hear you!
Copy !req
607. Trying to reach
the green from here?
Copy !req
608. That's not possible, sir.
Copy !req
609. I beg to differ.
Copy !req
610. Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat
no more than an hour ago.
Copy !req
611. Well, moron, good for Happy...
Oh, my God!
Copy !req
612. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
613. Hey, Shooter,
you forgot your nine iron.
Copy !req
614. A large and economically diverse crowd
here at the Michelob Invitational.
Copy !req
615. It's the tour sensation,
Happy Gilmore...
Copy !req
616. who's attracting all types
to this course. I even saw one guy...
Copy !req
617. wearing one of those
beer-dispensing helmets.
Copy !req
618. Damn you people.
Go back to your shanties.
Copy !req
619. This is a biggie, pal.
I got to make some real money.
Copy !req
620. What do you think?
Slightly downhill?
Copy !req
621. And slanting left.
Copy !req
622. No, you think that
'cause you only got one shoe on.
Copy !req
623. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
624. Happy Gilmore
Copy !req
625. You got the ball?
Copy !req
626. Happy Gilmore from nine feet.
Copy !req
627. Here comes the putter throw.
Copy !req
628. Wait. He's restrained himself.
Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
629. Another tournament here in Dallas,
and Shooter McGavin wins again.
Copy !req
630. He's won here 3 years in a row.
Copy !req
631. That son of a bitch!
Copy !req
632. Give me my ball! Give it here!
Cough it up, you dirty bastard!
Copy !req
633. I'll rip it out of you!
Copy !req
634. Give me...
Copy !req
635. Give me the ball.
Copy !req
636. You have one eye.
Copy !req
637. Chubbs.
Copy !req
638. You took his hand.
Copy !req
639. That Happy Gilmore is a real crack-up.
He's a hoot!
Copy !req
640. He's bringing in
some big crowds.
Copy !req
641. Today, one of his fans mooned me.
He had "HAPPY" written on his ass.
Copy !req
642. "HA" was on one cheek
and "PPY" on the other.
Copy !req
643. I love what he's doing for golf.
Copy !req
644. - Well, I'm starting to come around.
- Everyone is.
Copy !req
645. Well, I'm not, Doug!
Copy !req
646. This man is destroying golf.
Copy !req
647. I saw two fat bikers in the woods
off 17 having sex.
Copy !req
648. How can I chip
with that going on?
Copy !req
649. - Kick him off the Tour.
- He hasn't broken any rules.
Copy !req
650. He's a disgrace to the game!
Copy !req
651. Yes, but our ratings are up.
We're attracting new, youthful sponsors.
Copy !req
652. I'm sorry, Shooter.
Copy !req
653. There's nothing I can do.
Copy !req
654. Then I'll have to take care of this
myself.
Copy !req
655. Grandma, I came in 9th place.
I won $35,000.
Copy !req
656. So we'll get the house back?
Copy !req
657. As long as I don't place last
the next two times...
Copy !req
658. we'll get the money in time.
Copy !req
659. That's wonderful, Happy.
Copy !req
660. I love you, Grandma. Bye.
Copy !req
661. Good-bye, darling.
Copy !req
662. We should go on that date.
I've been pretty good lately.
Copy !req
663. Oh? I hear you broke a rake
and threw it in the woods.
Copy !req
664. I didn't break it.
I was testing its durability.
Copy !req
665. I put it in the woods
because it's made of wood...
Copy !req
666. and he should be
with his family.
Copy !req
667. At least I didn't punch anyone.
Copy !req
668. Okay, we'll go on a date.
But just as friends.
Copy !req
669. Slow down. I don't want to be
more than friends.
Copy !req
670. I just met you.
Copy !req
671. Fit you okay?
Copy !req
672. I haven't skated
since I was a little kid.
Copy !req
673. Can we get a little time here?
Copy !req
674. For Happy Gilmore, anything.
Copy !req
675. You played ice hockey?
Copy !req
676. Shut up.
Copy !req
677. Oh, my God... power failure.
Copy !req
678. It's very scary in here.
Copy !req
679. Did you plan this?
Copy !req
680. No.
Copy !req
681. I thought we were going to be
just friends.
Copy !req
682. What? Friends listen to "Endless Love"
in the dark.
Copy !req
683. This song reminds me
of seventh grade.
Copy !req
684. It reminds me of my grandmother.
Copy !req
685. That's kind of weird.
Copy !req
686. She took me to see this movie.
Copy !req
687. I had the biggest crush
on Brooke Shields.
Copy !req
688. My grandma told me I should
write her a letter, so I did.
Copy !req
689. I got a letter back
from Brooke two weeks later.
Copy !req
690. But it was in my grandmother's
handwriting.
Copy !req
691. Your grandma sounds sweet.
Copy !req
692. She is sweet.
That's why I feel so terrible.
Copy !req
693. Why?
Copy !req
694. No, forget it.
Copy !req
695. You can tell me.
Copy !req
696. She's stuck in a nursing home.
The IRS repossessed her house.
Copy !req
697. That's awful.
Copy !req
698. That's why I joined the Tour.
Copy !req
699. I'm close to getting
her house back.
Copy !req
700. Don't tell anyone.
I'm kind of embarrassed.
Copy !req
701. Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone.
Copy !req
702. I'll make you a bet.
Copy !req
703. Do you always carry a puck?
Copy !req
704. Yeah.
Copy !req
705. Now, if you get that puck
in the net over there...
Copy !req
706. I'll never bother you again.
Copy !req
707. But if you miss...
Copy !req
708. you have to give me
a big, fat kiss.
Copy !req
709. And you have to pretend
you like it.
Copy !req
710. Really?
Copy !req
711. Good luck.
Copy !req
712. Shit.
Copy !req
713. Talk about your all-time backfires.
Copy !req
714. Happy...
Copy !req
715. I didn't see it go in.
Copy !req
716. I'll give it all to you
Copy !req
717. My love, my love, my love
Copy !req
718. My endless love
Copy !req
719. Welcome to soggy San Francisco...
Copy !req
720. site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am.
Copy !req
721. Hello, Happy. I'm Bob Barker.
Copy !req
722. What an honor. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
723. We're playing together today.
Copy !req
724. That's funny.
Who am I really playing with?
Copy !req
725. In a Pro-Am, each golfer plays
with a celebrity.
Copy !req
726. Wow.
Copy !req
727. Nick Faldo and I won last year.
I'd like to win this year.
Copy !req
728. I'll do my best.
Copy !req
729. Hey, Gilmore?
Copy !req
730. You suck, you jackass.
Copy !req
731. Shut the hell up.
Copy !req
732. I'd love to punch that guy in the face,
but I'd get in trouble.
Copy !req
733. You get this
on "Let's Make A Deal"?
Copy !req
734. "The Price Is Right", Happy.
Copy !req
735. Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Copy !req
736. It happens.
Let's play some golf.
Copy !req
737. Jackass.
Copy !req
738. The club went further
than the ball.
Copy !req
739. What was that all about?
Copy !req
740. It's just that it's rainy
and that guy... It just slipped.
Copy !req
741. Get a blanket and suntan lotion,
'cause you'll never get off that beach.
Copy !req
742. Just the way you never got
into the NHL, you jackass!
Copy !req
743. The green's that way.
Copy !req
744. You will not make this putt,
you jackass.
Copy !req
745. Nice shooting, soldier.
Copy !req
746. All right, Happy...
Copy !req
747. nice and easy.
Copy !req
748. That was not nice and easy.
Copy !req
749. That guy is driving me crazy.
Copy !req
750. What's driving me crazy is
you not getting the ball in the hole.
Copy !req
751. Don't push me, Bob.
Now's not the time.
Copy !req
752. Jackass.
Copy !req
753. This guy sucks!
Copy !req
754. We haven't seen Gilmore play this badly
since his first day on tour.
Copy !req
755. He and Bob Barker
are now dead last.
Copy !req
756. You should be working at the snack bar,
not playing golf.
Copy !req
757. Relax, Bob.
Copy !req
758. There is no way you could have been
as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Copy !req
759. Okay, let's go.
Copy !req
760. You like that, old man?
You want a piece of me?
Copy !req
761. I don't want a piece of you.
I want the whole thing!
Copy !req
762. Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!
Copy !req
763. The price is wrong, bitch.
Copy !req
764. I think you've had enough.
Copy !req
765. No?
Copy !req
766. Now you've had enough.
Copy !req
767. Bitch.
Copy !req
768. That couldn't have gone better.
Copy !req
769. Instead of hitting you,
he hits Bob Barker.
Copy !req
770. Perfect.
Copy !req
771. So, see you
at the next tournament?
Copy !req
772. No need. This was on national TV.
Gilmore is gone.
Copy !req
773. Let's get something at the Red Lobster.
My treat.
Copy !req
774. Some other time.
Copy !req
775. I thought we were friends.
Copy !req
776. We are. I just have to go.
Copy !req
777. I'll be at the Red Lobster
in case you change your mind.
Copy !req
778. God bless!
Copy !req
779. There you are.
Copy !req
780. Happy Gilmore, come on down!
Copy !req
781. Thank you, Shooter. Sit down.
Copy !req
782. So you got in a fight with a game show
host on national TV.
Copy !req
783. That is not entertainment.
Copy !req
784. This is not hockey,
no matter how much you want it to be.
Copy !req
785. I know that and I'm sorry.
Copy !req
786. But there was a guy out there...
Copy !req
787. giving me crap. It took all I had
not to hit him.
Copy !req
788. So you head-butt Bob Barker?
Who won that fight, anyway?
Copy !req
789. Enough, Shooter.
Copy !req
790. The board has done the following:
Copy !req
791. Fined you $25,000
and suspended you for one month.
Copy !req
792. - What? I got to play!
- What? Kick him off the Tour.
Copy !req
793. The board thinks
that might be extreme...
Copy !req
794. considering the fact
that our ratings were...
Copy !req
795. the highest we've ever had.
Copy !req
796. My grandmother's house
got repossessed.
Copy !req
797. If I don't win more prize money,
they'll sell it to someone else.
Copy !req
798. Whoop-dee-doo. Get out.
Copy !req
799. It's over. My grandmother
will never see her house again.
Copy !req
800. But you've made a lot of money.
You could buy her a nice condo.
Copy !req
801. My grandfather didn't build
any condos with his bare hands.
Copy !req
802. Damn it, I hate that Bob Barker.
Copy !req
803. There must be
another way to get the $50,000.
Copy !req
804. I don't want to talk about it.
I failed, okay?
Copy !req
805. Let me just enjoy the one thing
that makes me a bit happy...
Copy !req
806. this fresh, delicious, tasty...
Copy !req
807. meaty, turkey-filled...
Copy !req
808. Cold Cut Combo. I eat three
every day just to keep me strong.
Copy !req
809. Hey, Happy...
Copy !req
810. can I have one of those?
Copy !req
811. Coming right up!
Copy !req
812. Talk about a hole in one.
Copy !req
813. Subway sandwiches
will drive away your hunger.
Copy !req
814. What do you think?
Copy !req
815. I love it. He looks so handsome.
And it makes me hungry.
Copy !req
816. They gave me a card
that gives us free Subway for life.
Copy !req
817. That's lovely.
Copy !req
818. You know what else is lovely?
Copy !req
819. That commercial puts us up
to $275,000.
Copy !req
820. Let's go get your house back.
Copy !req
821. What the hell?
Copy !req
822. What's going on here?
Copy !req
823. It's exciting. We're auctioning off
your grandmother's house.
Copy !req
824. You said if we got the money,
we could buy it back.
Copy !req
825. You can buy it back.
Copy !req
826. Bidding will start at $100,000.
Do I hear 100?
Copy !req
827. This is the exciting part.
Have fun.
Copy !req
828. Look at all these people.
What's going on, Happy?
Copy !req
829. Thank you, two.
Copy !req
830. They're auctioning it off.
Copy !req
831. Good. We'll get it cheaper
than we thought.
Copy !req
832. Two fifty, thank you.
Copy !req
833. Maybe not. Two seventy-five!
Copy !req
834. Two seventy-five. And three.
Copy !req
835. Three fifty down front.
Copy !req
836. I have three fifty.
Seventy-five anywhere?
Copy !req
837. Three fifty... sold to the gentleman
in the white sweater.
Copy !req
838. What just happened, Happy?
Copy !req
839. Go wait in the car, Grandma.
Copy !req
840. What the hell is wrong with you?
Copy !req
841. I enjoy real estate speculation.
Copy !req
842. You touch me, I burn the house down
and piss on the ashes.
Copy !req
843. What do you want for it?
Copy !req
844. You know what.
Copy !req
845. You off the Tour.
Copy !req
846. Quit, and the house is yours.
Copy !req
847. Fine. I quit.
Copy !req
848. No way. Happy, come here.
Copy !req
849. He's right. I don't belong in golf.
I'm a hockey player.
Copy !req
850. - What team do you play for?
- Easy.
Copy !req
851. Face it, Happy.
You are a golfer.
Copy !req
852. I did this to get Grandma's house back.
Now I can. No regrets.
Copy !req
853. What do you think she wants more... to
get her house back or see you succeed?
Copy !req
854. Maybe she can have both.
Hey, Shooter.
Copy !req
855. The Tour Championship
is next week.
Copy !req
856. If I beat you, I get the house.
You beat me, I'll quit.
Copy !req
857. You're going to beat me?
At golf?
Copy !req
858. You're on.
Copy !req
859. But you're in trouble. I eat pieces
of shit like you for breakfast.
Copy !req
860. You eat pieces of shit
for breakfast?
Copy !req
861. No.
Copy !req
862. That was great.
I know you will kick his ass.
Copy !req
863. That makes one of us.
Copy !req
864. Take care of Grandma.
I'll walk from here.
Copy !req
865. - Where are you going?
- To learn to play golf.
Copy !req
866. I'm stupid, you're smart.
Copy !req
867. I was wrong, you were right.
Copy !req
868. You're the best, I'm the worst.
Copy !req
869. You're very good-looking,
I'm not attractive.
Copy !req
870. Okay, as long as you're willing
to admit that. Now...
Copy !req
871. are you ready to work
and do what I tell you?
Copy !req
872. Believe me, I'm ready.
Copy !req
873. Then let's get to work.
Copy !req
874. I'm sorry. Here.
Copy !req
875. Here's your pinky.
Copy !req
876. "Happyland", just like me.
Copy !req
877. Don't get excited.
I've been here before.
Copy !req
878. This is embarrassing. I'm a
professional golfer, for God's sake.
Copy !req
879. No, it's your short game
that's embarrassing. Let's go.
Copy !req
880. Just line up the putt.
Don't even look at the hole.
Copy !req
881. Aim for a spot six inches
in front of the hole. Line up with that.
Copy !req
882. Okay. Six inches.
Copy !req
883. This one's very tough.
Copy !req
884. He's laughing, having fun.
Copy !req
885. Yeah, laugh it up.
Enjoy your night.
Copy !req
886. Happy, concentrate.
Copy !req
887. I hate that clown.
Copy !req
888. Easy. If you can't beat the clown,
how will you beat Shooter McGavin?
Copy !req
889. You're gonna die, clown!
Copy !req
890. Is that funny? I don't hear you
laughing now!
Copy !req
891. Enough.
Copy !req
892. What? I can't do it!
Copy !req
893. Come with me, Happy. Come on!
Copy !req
894. You suck, you stupid clown!
Copy !req
895. Remember, this isn't hockey.
Copy !req
896. You don't play with raw emotion.
You can't putt angry.
Copy !req
897. You must clear your mind
of everything else and stay focused.
Copy !req
898. How can I do that?
Copy !req
899. Think of a place
that's really perfect.
Copy !req
900. Your own happy place.
Copy !req
901. Go there and all your anger
will disappear.
Copy !req
902. Then putt.
Copy !req
903. Happy place.
Copy !req
904. Happy place.
Copy !req
905. Your happy place.
Copy !req
906. Now how do you feel?
Copy !req
907. Better.
Copy !req
908. Now putt.
Copy !req
909. Your happy place.
Copy !req
910. We took some giant steps
tonight.
Copy !req
911. I'm really proud of you.
Copy !req
912. Here.
Copy !req
913. I got something special for you.
Copy !req
914. Thanks, Chubbs.
Copy !req
915. It's the putter I used when I played...
slightly modified, of course.
Copy !req
916. Man, this is excellent.
Copy !req
917. You got the spirit of a hockey player
in you, so I figured... why fight it?
Copy !req
918. I got something for you, too.
Copy !req
919. If not for you, none of this
would have happened...
Copy !req
920. so I wanted to show
my appreciation.
Copy !req
921. This looks nice. What is it?
Copy !req
922. Open it.
Copy !req
923. Shit.
Copy !req
924. Oh, man.
Copy !req
925. Remember the 'gator
that got your hand?
Copy !req
926. I got his head.
Copy !req
927. First my dad and now Chubbs.
Copy !req
928. Anyone I get close to, dies.
If I were you, I'd run.
Copy !req
929. You can't blame yourself
for this.
Copy !req
930. I guess that alligator
finally finished the job.
Copy !req
931. I'm going to miss you, pal.
Copy !req
932. How am I going to play today?
Copy !req
933. Just remember
what he taught you.
Copy !req
934. Congratulations, murderer.
You killed a golf legend.
Copy !req
935. Beat it, McGavin.
Copy !req
936. I'm dedicating my performance at the
Tour Championship to Chubbs' memory.
Copy !req
937. I'm playing for Chubbs.
Copy !req
938. I called it first.
Copy !req
939. You want to beat him?
Beat him on the course.
Copy !req
940. Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass
out there.
Copy !req
941. Right. And Grizzly Adams
had a beard.
Copy !req
942. Grizzly Adams did have a beard.
Copy !req
943. The golfers
of the Tour Championship...
Copy !req
944. are ready to begin.
There may be 63 professionals...
Copy !req
945. vying for the title
of world's best...
Copy !req
946. but in the minds of the spectators,
there are only two.
Copy !req
947. Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin...
Copy !req
948. and bad boy Happy Gilmore,
just off suspension.
Copy !req
949. Wouldn't you know it?
They've been paired together.
Copy !req
950. I have some good interior design ideas
for Grandma's house.
Copy !req
951. You know the bedroom
next to the stairs?
Copy !req
952. Yeah, that was my room.
Copy !req
953. I'm turning it
into my trophy room.
Copy !req
954. It just may not be big enough.
Copy !req
955. All right.
Copy !req
956. You know what's pathetic?
You've been playing golf all your life.
Copy !req
957. Let me show you
how we do it in the pros.
Copy !req
958. That's got to hurt.
Copy !req
959. Happy learned how to putt.
Uh-oh.
Copy !req
960. Here's a free lesson.
Copy !req
961. Can't learn that
on a hockey rink.
Copy !req
962. Somebody's closer.
Copy !req
963. After one day,
Shooter McGavin is leading.
Copy !req
964. But the big surprise
is young Happy Gilmore...
Copy !req
965. nipping at his heels,
trailing by only one stroke.
Copy !req
966. Shooter from the sand.
Copy !req
967. Playing like he really wants
that jacket.
Copy !req
968. Happy Gilmore answers back
with a birdie.
Copy !req
969. Happy with a long eagle opportunity.
Copy !req
970. It's good!
Copy !req
971. And Shooter can't believe it!
Copy !req
972. He is now tied
with Happy Gilmore!
Copy !req
973. Uh-oh. A little too much zip
on that one.
Copy !req
974. Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Copy !req
975. No!
Copy !req
976. I didn't see that. Did it go in?
I wasn't watching.
Copy !req
977. I wasn't watching. I saw it go up.
Did it go back in?
Copy !req
978. At the end of day three,
Happy Gilmore has the lead.
Copy !req
979. One has to be impressed with the vast
improvement in his short game.
Copy !req
980. Donald, it's Shooter.
Copy !req
981. Shooter!
It's great to hear from you!
Copy !req
982. Want to go to Sizzler
and get some grub?
Copy !req
983. No, thanks. Not hungry.
Copy !req
984. This call is about business.
I need you here in the morning.
Copy !req
985. It's the final day
of the Tour Championship...
Copy !req
986. and it promises to be a classic.
Copy !req
987. Happy Gilmore leads the pack.
Copy !req
988. Is this a changing of the guard?
We'll know in 18 holes.
Copy !req
989. Happy is really on today.
Copy !req
990. There he is.
Copy !req
991. That worm.
Copy !req
992. Happy, look out!
Copy !req
993. Are you okay?
Copy !req
994. Volkswagen.
Copy !req
995. Jackass!
Copy !req
996. Jackass!
Copy !req
997. You have no serious injuries.
Just keep off your feet for a few days.
Copy !req
998. Forget it. I have to finish.
Copy !req
999. Do what you like. What do I know?
I'm just a doctor.
Copy !req
1000. - Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
Copy !req
1001. There is no shame
in throwing in the towel.
Copy !req
1002. You must be careful
with your health.
Copy !req
1003. Let's just play some golf.
Copy !req
1004. I knew Happy Gilmore
was tough...
Copy !req
1005. but I can't believe he's playing
after being hit by a car.
Copy !req
1006. Let's hope it doesn't affect
his game.
Copy !req
1007. That's the first time he's failed
to outdrive McGavin.
Copy !req
1008. Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is
human after all.
Copy !req
1009. Happy Gilmore is in trouble
if he can't hit the long ball.
Copy !req
1010. If he has a chance...
Copy !req
1011. of winning today, he must do it
on the green.
Copy !req
1012. He has to focus now.
He has to save this one for par.
Copy !req
1013. That bogey drops him
out of the lead.
Copy !req
1014. If he wants to stay in this thing...
Copy !req
1015. he has to calm down.
Copy !req
1016. Don't worry about your grandma.
She can live with me... be my maid.
Copy !req
1017. Look at the cabbage he's in now.
Copy !req
1018. Things just keep getting worse
for Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
1019. Just remember what Chubbs said.
Copy !req
1020. "Go to a happy place."
Copy !req
1021. "Go to a happy place."
Copy !req
1022. God!
Copy !req
1023. This looks like the end
for Happy Gilmore.
Copy !req
1024. Shooter now has
a commanding lead.
Copy !req
1025. Happy, look who's here.
Copy !req
1026. Grandma.
Copy !req
1027. Happy, you look upset.
What's wrong?
Copy !req
1028. I stink. I'm not going to win.
Copy !req
1029. Don't worry, sweetheart. The house
isn't important. It's just a house.
Copy !req
1030. Stop fraternizing with the help,
Gilmore.
Copy !req
1031. Just hit your ball,
if you can find it.
Copy !req
1032. Hi, Grandma.
Copy !req
1033. Forget him. I just want you
to be happy, darling.
Copy !req
1034. All right, Grandma.
Copy !req
1035. Grandma wants me to be happy.
Copy !req
1036. Chin up, Happy.
Don't feel bad about me.
Copy !req
1037. I got my hand back, see?
Copy !req
1038. We've only just begun
Copy !req
1039. To live
Copy !req
1040. White lace and promises
Copy !req
1041. A kiss for luck
and we're on our way
Copy !req
1042. It ain't over yet, McGavin. The way
I see it, we've only just begun.
Copy !req
1043. Happy, the gold jacket's yours.
Shooter will choke.
Copy !req
1044. Unbelievable!
Copy !req
1045. Damn you people!
This is golf, not a rock concert!
Copy !req
1046. Putz!
Copy !req
1047. Happy...
Copy !req
1048. rules!
Copy !req
1049. Happy Gilmore has charged
in the back nine...
Copy !req
1050. and is now even
with Shooter McGavin.
Copy !req
1051. If Shooter doesn't get
out of the funk he's in...
Copy !req
1052. he may miss out
on the gold jacket.
Copy !req
1053. Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole
is a par three, 160 yards.
Copy !req
1054. In the event of a tie,
there will be a play-off.
Copy !req
1055. Mr. Gilmore,
you have the honors.
Copy !req
1056. No matter what, I'm having fun.
Copy !req
1057. You're starting
to sound like a golfer.
Copy !req
1058. I know. Keep it down.
Copy !req
1059. Nice shot! Fifteen feet
short of the hole.
Copy !req
1060. Shooter's ball is in the woods.
Copy !req
1061. Happy's on the 18th green,
where a car driven by a crazed fan...
Copy !req
1062. rammed the TV tower.
Copy !req
1063. Let me through...
I'm looking for my ball.
Copy !req
1064. This is golf, okay? Excuse me.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1065. Is this your ball?
Copy !req
1066. Yes, it is.
Copy !req
1067. It struck my foot.
Copy !req
1068. Doug!
Copy !req
1069. Do I get a drop?
Copy !req
1070. The rule says,
"Play it as it lies."
Copy !req
1071. That's two so far, Shooter.
Copy !req
1072. You can count. Good for you.
Copy !req
1073. And you can count on me waiting
for you in the parking lot.
Copy !req
1074. You're still away.
Copy !req
1075. I'm aware of that. Thank you.
Copy !req
1076. I can't see.
Copy !req
1077. Hey, up here.
Copy !req
1078. Shooter needs this
to put pressure on Happy.
Copy !req
1079. If he misses, Happy can two-putt
to victory.
Copy !req
1080. Choke on that, baby!
Copy !req
1081. Shooter.
Copy !req
1082. If Gilmore sinks this, it will cap
an amazing comeback.
Copy !req
1083. Great. Now I have a tower
blocking my ball.
Copy !req
1084. We'll get it moved and you'll finish
tomorrow. Right, Doug?
Copy !req
1085. No, he has to hit it now.
"Play it as it lies."
Copy !req
1086. I hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot.
Those are the rules.
Copy !req
1087. He's right.
Take your shot, Mr. Gilmore.
Copy !req
1088. Virginia, just so you know,
my jacket size is 44 long.
Copy !req
1089. And my right arm is a bit longer
than my left.
Copy !req
1090. Hit it around the tower, sink your putt
and we'll go to sudden death.
Copy !req
1091. Nah, I'll just beat him now.
Copy !req
1092. Good luck.
Copy !req
1093. Chubbs, I know
you'll help me here.
Copy !req
1094. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1095. Incredible!
Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
Copy !req
1096. I love you. I love you.
Copy !req
1097. And I love you.
Copy !req
1098. Doug! It's impossible!
Copy !req
1099. That's my jacket! It's mine!
Copy !req
1100. He stole my jacket!
Copy !req
1101. I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's.
Copy !req
1102. I will get you, Shooter!
Copy !req
1103. Stop! Stop!
Copy !req
1104. Be still!
Copy !req
1105. Don't!
Copy !req
1106. - Coming?
- You bet.
Copy !req
1107. All right.
Copy !req
1108. Here's to Chubbs,
wherever he is.
Copy !req
1109. Hey, Happy.
Copy !req
1110. Nice jacket.
Copy !req
1111. Who are you waving at, Happy?
Copy !req
1112. Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home.
Copy !req