1. - Wait, oneCopy !req
2. Wait, twoCopy !req
3. ThreeCopy !req
4. Hey. What's up, everybody?Copy !req
5. I'm Thurgood Jenkins.
You know, it's funny,Copy !req
6. but I can trace the entire path
of my life to one childhood memory.Copy !req
7. My last clear memory, really.Copy !req
8. You see, it was the summer
before ninth grade.Copy !req
9. It was me, Brian, Kenny,
Scarface...Copy !req
10. and of course
the loveable Old James.Copy !req
11. Oh, hold on. Wait a minute.
Old James— Old James wasn't there.Copy !req
12. I don't even know nobody named
Old James. Shoot. Go on!Copy !req
13. - Why don't you
light it up there, brother?
- All right. Here goes nothin'.Copy !req
14. I don't remember graduatin'.
And my first sexual experience—
I don't remember that either.Copy !req
15. - But, man, I will never forget
the first time I smoked...Copy !req
16. that sweet, sweet chiva.Copy !req
17. - Feel anything?
- Yeah, I feel my chest cavin' in.Copy !req
18. - This stuff
didn't even work.
- Man!Copy !req
19. Come on. Let's get some candy
and get out of here, B.Copy !req
20. I've heard people say
they don't get high
the first time they smoke.Copy !req
21. Not me. Oh, not us.Copy !req
22. We were really, really high.Copy !req
23. We was toe up!Copy !req
24. - Do you guys feel different?
- A little.Copy !req
25. How 'bout you, Scarface?Copy !req
26. How you doin', Kenny? Kenny?Copy !req
27. I haven't been so thirsty
in my entire life.Copy !req
28. Do you guys hear that?Copy !req
29. Feels like Jerry Garcia's in my head.
Am I goin' crazy?Copy !req
30. We look at that
day as the day we met the fifth
member of our crew— marijuana!Copy !req
31. - Oh, Lord, we was hooked!Copy !req
32. So, now we all live together
in New York.Copy !req
33. I myself am a master
of the custodial arts,Copy !req
34. or a janitor if you want
to be a dick about it.Copy !req
35. Anyway, I work at this lab,
Frankensense and Burr Pharmaceutical.Copy !req
36. - They do pharmaceutical testing
for the government...Copy !req
37. and big corporations and—Copy !req
38. And I am
the happiest custodian alive.Copy !req
39. This job... sucks.Copy !req
40. Abba-Zabba,Copy !req
41. you my only friend.Copy !req
42. Ah, it could be worse.
I could have Scarface's job.Copy !req
43. - Heifer with cheese.
- You son of a bitch,
I'm right behind you!Copy !req
44. Turn around and ask me
for Heifer with cheese, yo!Copy !req
45. Why you gotta make me feel inferior
'cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!Copy !req
46. - Scarface is kind
of a hyper guy for a pothead.
- Sorry.Copy !req
47. Kenny is probably doin'
the best out of all of us.Copy !req
48. He's a kindergarten teacher
at some school downtown,Copy !req
49. which I know might scare a lot
of parents, seeing as how he's
a weedhead and all.Copy !req
50. But let me tell you, man,
that guy does wonders for those
children's self-esteem.Copy !req
51. - Thank you.
- Oh, I love you so much, little one.Copy !req
52. - All of you. All of you. It's so good.Copy !req
53. - Brian works
at a new and used record store.
- Hi.Copy !req
54. - He gets to talk about music all day.
- I got a used Kenny Loggins album.Copy !req
55. Perfect job for a stoner.Copy !req
56. Lady, you want seven bucks
for a used Kenny Loggins record?Copy !req
57. - I'll give you five.
- Uh-uh. He autographed it himself.Copy !req
58. All right,
I'll give you four.Copy !req
59. Jan, stop it, man.Copy !req
60. - As far as herb goes, you can
get it all over this town.Copy !req
61. I mean, they might call it the city that
never sleeps, but I'll tell you this:Copy !req
62. - Lt takes a lot of fuckin' weed naps.
- Free!Copy !req
63. You can get the stuff at little
corner stores called bodegas.Copy !req
64. Say it with me:Copy !req
65. Yes, very good.Copy !req
66. - These places always have
incredibly old products.
- Como esta, fellas?Copy !req
67. - Hey-Hey.
- But the weed ain't bad.Copy !req
68. - Let me get four dime bags.
- Uh, I don't have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
69. Jose, you crazy, man. He's crazy.
Come on, man. Let me get them dimes.Copy !req
70. See, the problem with bodegas
is they never remember you.Copy !req
71. - You always have to do something
extreme to let 'em know you're cool.Copy !req
72. Hey, fellas. Y'all know me.
Come on, now. Look at this.Copy !req
73. Hey, black ass. Why you
didn't moon us earlier, eh?Copy !req
74. It was a little degrading.Copy !req
75. if you desperate, you can get it from
the Rastas at Washington Square Park,Copy !req
76. but their stuff ain't even weed
most the time.Copy !req
77. I don't fall
for that shit anymore.Copy !req
78. Then there's a delivery service run
by a guy named Samson Simpson.Copy !req
79. Now, when you can afford it,
this is the best way.Copy !req
80. I mean, you can get anything
you want, from weed to heroin.Copy !req
81. Now, I don't do drugs, though.
Just weed.Copy !req
82. - Coming.Copy !req
83. See, all you have to do is call
them up, and a half hour later,Copy !req
84. you got a delivery guy
at your house.Copy !req
85. - What a country!Copy !req
86. Hi, you called about your plumbing?
Empty pipes?Copy !req
87. - Secret code.
- Come on in.Copy !req
88. - You want highs, mediums or lows?
- How are the highs, man?Copy !req
89. I say they got a piney taste, almost
minty. Notice the little red hairs.Copy !req
90. - Yeah.
- And the rich greenery?Copy !req
91. - I see those.
- And it's definitely the highest
grade hydroponics in the city.Copy !req
92. What, did you go
to weed college? Damn, nigger.Copy !req
93. All right.
Give me a 50 bag of that.Copy !req
94. - Been a pleasure.
- Pleasure's all mine.Copy !req
95. - Tell Samson I said hello, would ya?
- Sure thing.Copy !req
96. Now, everybody has
their own little ritual
when it comes to smokin'.Copy !req
97. - Dope has arrived, fellas.
- And we were no different.Copy !req
98. - Break out Billy Bong Thornton.
- Yeah.Copy !req
99. Whoo!Copy !req
100. Billy, good to see you, man.Copy !req
101. All right.
Light it up.Copy !req
102. Shoes off.Copy !req
103. Oh, Brian,
put yours back on, man.Copy !req
104. For real, amigo.
Do your sock laundry, yo.Copy !req
105. Gentlemen,
assume your positions.Copy !req
106. - Yeah.Copy !req
107. Fire in the hole.Copy !req
108. We found it on the corner
So when we sayCopy !req
109. - Bip
- OxygenCopy !req
110. - Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm—
- Oh, bipCopy !req
111. Th-That's goodCopy !req
112. - Yo, who's on munchies tonight, yo?
- Not me.Copy !req
113. I guess that'd be me.Copy !req
114. What do you guys want?Copy !req
115. Get some...Copy !req
116. sour cream and onion chips...Copy !req
117. with some dip, man.Copy !req
118. Some beef jerky.
Some peanut butter.Copy !req
119. Get some Haagen Dazs
ice cream bars. A whole lot.Copy !req
120. Make sure chocolate.
Gotta have chocolate, man.Copy !req
121. Some popcorn. Bread. Popcorn.
Graham crackers.Copy !req
122. Graham crackers with the marshmallows,
the little marshmallows.Copy !req
123. And little chocolate bars.
We'll make some smores, man.Copy !req
124. Yeah, that's what
I was sayin', yo.Copy !req
125. Also celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch
with the little crunch berries.Copy !req
126. Pizzas.
We need two big pizzas, man.Copy !req
127. Everything on 'em.
With water, whole lot of water.Copy !req
128. And... Funyuns.Copy !req
129. Yeah.Copy !req
130. - That's it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
131. - Anything else?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
132. Get me a box of condoms,
and, um, what's that stuff?Copy !req
133. We used to eat it all the time
back in the day.Copy !req
134. - Pussy. That's right.
- You got it.Copy !req
135. - Thanks, man.
- Hey, hey!Copy !req
136. if I'm not back in ten minutes,
call the police.Copy !req
137. if he ain't back
in ten minutes,Copy !req
138. we callin' Domino's.Copy !req
139. - I'm hungry, man.
- All right, yo.Copy !req
140. - Hey, girl.Copy !req
141. - You hungry?
- Fuck you, nigger!Copy !req
142. - Hey, I'm sorry.
I was talkin' to the horse.Copy !req
143. See the trouble
you're gettin' me into?Copy !req
144. You're hungry,
aren't ya? Here.Copy !req
145. You like popcorn.Copy !req
146. It makes your teeth go
pop, pop, pop.Copy !req
147. This is Buster Phillips, and coming
in at number eight, like El Nino,Copy !req
148. "Samson Gets Me Lifted," by my
main man— Who? Sir Smoka Lot.Copy !req
149. Ha!Copy !req
150. This guy is weed crazy.
Look at that.Copy !req
151. - What do you want, Master?
- Bitch, you know what I want.Copy !req
152. I wanna talk to SamsonCopy !req
153. Fly me to the moon like
that bitch Alice KramdenCopy !req
154. 'Cause it's hard bein'
black and giftedCopy !req
155. Sometimes I wanna throw it
all down and get liftedCopy !req
156. - That is so cool, man.Copy !req
157. - He got the same dealer as us.
- What you mean?Copy !req
158. - Samson.
- Oh, right.Copy !req
159. Everybody knows in my neighborhood
it's the bestest aroundCopy !req
160. Samson's shit is blessed
Got the whole town on lockdownCopy !req
161. That's where
I want to live. Right there.Copy !req
162. Think about this shit
pleaseCopy !req
163. - I'm all out.Copy !req
164. I'm all out of food.
You ate it all.Copy !req
165. Gee, you must've been
so hungry.Copy !req
166. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
167. Buttercup! Buttercup!Copy !req
168. I need
an ambulance, now! Officer down.Copy !req
169. I repeat:
Officer down!Copy !req
170. What the hell
did you give my Buttercup?Copy !req
171. I just gave him some candy
and some chips...Copy !req
172. and some pink popcorn
and some Funyuns—Copy !req
173. This horse is a diabetic!Copy !req
174. Buttercup. Buttercup.Copy !req
175. Don't you leave me.
Breathe, Buttercup.Copy !req
176. - Breathe.
- Breathe. Breathe.Copy !req
177. Why?Copy !req
178. - Why?
- Why?Copy !req
179. - You're under arrest.
- What?Copy !req
180. - You dumb son of a bitch!
- No!Copy !req
181. I'm a— I'm a peaceful man.Copy !req
182. - I'm a schoolteacher!
- Shut up! You're a cop killer.Copy !req
183. Cop killer?
I love horses.Copy !req
184. - I love horses.
- I love horses.Copy !req
185. - I love buttered stuff.
- Buttercup.Copy !req
186. - Say it.
- Butter nuts.Copy !req
187. - Cup. Cup.
- Cup. Cup.Copy !req
188. Why must you rage?
Stop the hate, child.Copy !req
189. Bail is set at one million
dollars for the crime of killing
an officer of the law.Copy !req
190. And may God have mercy
on your soul, young man.Copy !req
191. - Court is adjourned.
Back to your cells. Lockdown.Copy !req
192. Good night, Fish.Copy !req
193. Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish!Copy !req
194. - My weed's wearing off.Copy !req
195. - Guess who?
- Yo. Psst. Thurgood.Copy !req
196. - Hey, nigger, what time is it?
- It's 8:30.Copy !req
197. Kenny didn't come home last night.
We are worried, man.Copy !req
198. - Word, yo.
- Where the hell is he?Copy !req
199. Did he just move?Copy !req
200. Kenny called. He's in jail.Copy !req
201. He didn't leave
a number.Copy !req
202. Sincerely,
The Guy on the couch.Copy !req
203. Come on, guys. We gotta get Kenny
out of jail, man.Copy !req
204. Hey, Kenny. How they
treatin' you in there?Copy !req
205. Let's just say I'm not gettin'
the respect a cop killer deserves.Copy !req
206. All right, time's up.Copy !req
207. I was up all night
getting harassed.Copy !req
208. - Hi, there, Fish.
- See what I mean?Copy !req
209. I think they're mistakin'
my kindness for weakness. I'm scared.Copy !req
210. Hey, Kenny, we're gonna get you
out of there, man.Copy !req
211. All we gotta do is raise ten percent
of one million, yo.Copy !req
212. - Which, by our calculations—
- Is fucking impossible, man!Copy !req
213. Hey!Copy !req
214. Sorry, man. I'm sorry.Copy !req
215. All my life,
I did everything right.Copy !req
216. I never screwed up.
I fed the horse.Copy !req
217. I didn't know it was a diabetic.
I'm scared.Copy !req
218. Kenny, stop crying.
Stop crying, Kenny. Look at me.Copy !req
219. Come on. Don't let them
see you cry in there.Copy !req
220. - Come on, man. Show me your mean face.
- No.Copy !req
221. Yes, show me
your mean face, Kenny.Copy !req
222. - That's good.Copy !req
223. I mean, work on it a little bit,
but it's good.Copy !req
224. - Kenny, how long
can you make it in there?Copy !req
225. I don't know.
Maybe 5:00... 6:30.Copy !req
226. Come on, man. It's gotta be
a little longer than that.Copy !req
227. But-But— But we'll get you out,
right, guys?Copy !req
228. - Yeah, you're out. You're out of here.
- Free as a bird.Copy !req
229. Number nine, time's up!Copy !req
230. - Time's up, number nine.
- That's me.Copy !req
231. Let's go.Copy !req
232. I love you guys.Copy !req
233. Have fun, Ken.Copy !req
234. Weed out there, yo.Copy !req
235. He looked all right, man.Copy !req
236. They gonna kill
him in there, yo.Copy !req
237. Hey, lady.
Miss, is this your purse?Copy !req
238. - Yes.
- I'm sexy.Copy !req
239. I'm a scholar.Copy !req
240. - People like me.
- Give it to me.Copy !req
241. - Bye.
- Hey, where you goin' ?Copy !req
242. - I'm leaving.
- Well, uh, can I leave with ya?Copy !req
243. Follow me.Copy !req
244. And your name is?Copy !req
245. - Mary Jane.
- Really?Copy !req
246. Yes. So what's up
with this?Copy !req
247. - Is that your work uniform?
- Nah, this is my costume.Copy !req
248. Tomorrow I'll be a cowboy,
the day after that an lndian.Copy !req
249. Every day of the week, I dress up
like a different Village Person.Copy !req
250. It's a thing I'm into.Copy !req
251. Nah, I'm a custodian.
So, what are you here for?Copy !req
252. - Possession of narcotics.
- Wow.Copy !req
253. - My father's a drug dealer.
- Wow, that must've been the shit.Copy !req
254. - Lt ruined his life.
- That must've been shitty.Copy !req
255. I don't do drugs.
Drugs make me sick.Copy !req
256. They're bad for your body.
Up with hope, down with dope.Copy !req
257. Thurgood. Come on, man.
We gotta go.Copy !req
258. Get on the train.
Toke up before we go to work.Copy !req
259. - Yo, let's go, B.Copy !req
260. - What are you doing, man?
- Bouncy. Body.Copy !req
261. Is that Prell?
Do you use Prell?Copy !req
262. Yeah. That's what
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
263. Hey, guys. Meet Mary Jane.Copy !req
264. That's what he's sayin'.
We wanna burn one.Copy !req
265. No, no.
This is Mary Jane.Copy !req
266. Meet her. Say hello to her.
Shake her hand even.Copy !req
267. - Oh, my fault. What's up?
- Hi.Copy !req
268. - All right.
- Hey.Copy !req
269. Listen, do you guys need a ride?
I have a car.Copy !req
270. - You don't have to take the subway.
- Wow, you smoke?Copy !req
271. - No, my grandmother died
of lung cancer.
- I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
272. Well, that's all the more
reason to toke up, man. Ease the pain.Copy !req
273. Ah! What I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
274. You know, I think what they're tryin'
to say is we'd love a ride home.Copy !req
275. Great.Copy !req
276. - What the hell's wrong with y'all?
- She looked good.Copy !req
277. - Mary Jane! What is that about, man?
- I hate y'all.Copy !req
278. Shotgun!Copy !req
279. - Hey, thanks for this ride.
We really appreciate it.
- Sure.Copy !req
280. Guys, shut up about the weed
for two seconds. I don't want
this girl to know I smoke.Copy !req
281. Yeah, it's bad enough
you're a janitor, yo.Copy !req
282. Custodian, dick.Copy !req
283. - Hey!
- Hey.Copy !req
284. It's really realCopy !req
285. It's really realCopy !req
286. Said they're lookin'
for brains, guts, looks and skillsCopy !req
287. - Step on up if you think
you fit the bill
- YeahCopy !req
288. I know what you look like
but looks can be deceivin'Copy !req
289. Let me check the brain
so I can justify the reasonCopy !req
290. - Yeah
- MisterCopy !req
291. - This good for ya?Copy !req
292. Could you drop me
in the lobby? It's perfect.Copy !req
293. I could feel
she wanted me to say something.Copy !req
294. I had to make my move
while the guys were asleep.Copy !req
295. I'm real bad at this, but you think
sometime we could get together,Copy !req
296. maybe go out for some ice cream
or something?Copy !req
297. - Motherfucker said, "ice cream" !Copy !req
298. - Damn.
- Okay!Copy !req
299. - All the boys in the car
need to get out.
- Such a dork, man.Copy !req
300. - I'm talkin' to you.
- Thanks a lot, fellas.Copy !req
301. - Thanks for the ride.
- Thurgood!Copy !req
302. - I knew it!
- You forgot your hat.Copy !req
303. I knew it.Copy !req
304. You know, I might've came on too strong
with the whole ice cream thing.Copy !req
305. Let me just give you my number.
Is that cool?Copy !req
306. - Okay.
- All right.Copy !req
307. Now, don't call too late, 'cause you
know I be strippin' in the evenings.Copy !req
308. Joking!Copy !req
309. Here you go.
You can call me anytime you want.Copy !req
310. - Maybe.
- "Maybe" is an acceptable answer.Copy !req
311. It's that "no" thing that gets me.
Maybe I'll hear from you.Copy !req
312. - Bye.
- Be thinkin' about you.Copy !req
313. Dr. Kablecki,
please report to Clinical Studies.Copy !req
314. Dr. Kablecki.Copy !req
315. Janitor? Janitor?Copy !req
316. Aaah!Copy !req
317. Sorry about that.
What is it, scientist?Copy !req
318. Could you, uh— I know this
isn't your responsibility,Copy !req
319. but would you be a dear and run
this down to the supply department?Copy !req
320. - It's on the second floor.
- Just run this down?Copy !req
321. Yes. But make sure you bring
the order right back to me.Copy !req
322. I need it A.S.A.P.Copy !req
323. Got ya. I know this
isn't your responsibility,
but mop the rest of this shit up.Copy !req
324. I'll be right back.Copy !req
325. What it smell like? Smell like—Copy !req
326. No.Copy !req
327. No. I smell weed, man.Copy !req
328. Hey. Here you go.Copy !req
329. - This all you need?
- I guess. I don't know.Copy !req
330. - Just a sec.
- Okay.Copy !req
331. Damn.Copy !req
332. Either someone's having a party, or
somebody gotta do their shirt laundry.Copy !req
333. - Here you go.Copy !req
334. One pound of marijuana,
and you can sign for it right here.Copy !req
335. l— I sign for this,
and it's mine?Copy !req
336. And I take it?Copy !req
337. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
338. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
339. Some good shit.Copy !req
340. Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank... you.Copy !req
341. Look, here's— here's a little
something for your troubles.Copy !req
342. - Thank you. Thank you.
- Shh!Copy !req
343. Let's not tell anyone
about it, okay?Copy !req
344. Sure. Shh.Copy !req
345. Hey, why didn't you tell me
you were into this shit?Copy !req
346. - We could've been hangin' out
months ago.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
347. The Food and Drug Administration are
having us do a study to determine what,Copy !req
348. if any, are the medicinal purposes
of marijuana.Copy !req
349. Mmm. Wow.Copy !req
350. if you ever need
a guinea pig, let me know.Copy !req
351. My grandfather was
in the Tuskegee experiments.Copy !req
352. Oh, really?Copy !req
353. Anyway, thank you,
janitor. Enjoy.Copy !req
354. Thank you, scientist.
Got any papers?Copy !req
355. No cocktail party would be
complete without the ice plant.Copy !req
356. Hey, fellas.
What's goin' on?Copy !req
357. - What's up?
- Nothin', man.Copy !req
358. Bummin', thinkin' about Kenny.Copy !req
359. Yeah.Copy !req
360. I got some weed at work today,
if y'all wanna try it out.Copy !req
361. Nah, yo. We don't feel like
smokin' right now.Copy !req
362. Me neither. Me neither.Copy !req
363. - So, y'all want to smoke?
- I'll get Billy Bong Thornton.Copy !req
364. - That's what I'm talkin' about.
- No, Scarface.Copy !req
365. No Billy Bong Thornton
without Kenny.Copy !req
366. That would not be right, man.
Use Wesley Pipes. Yeah.Copy !req
367. Man, they got whole bunch
of this stuff at work.Copy !req
368. One of those scientists
gave it to me.Copy !req
369. Ain't tried the shit out yet,
but it smells like the bomb.Copy !req
370. - All right.
- Yeah, man. Yeah.Copy !req
371. I'll do the honors.Copy !req
372. - Excuse me.
- Please do.Copy !req
373. Yo, this shit
must be good, B.Copy !req
374. My man ain't coughed like
that since back in the day.Copy !req
375. You sure I should
do this, man?Copy !req
376. Oh, yeah. That shit made
my head hot.Copy !req
377. Oh, man.Copy !req
378. Pass it this way.
Don't break the cipher.Copy !req
379. Oh— hold it.
I gotta give The Guy some of this.Copy !req
380. The Guy gotta taste this.Copy !req
381. - Yeah.
- Hey, Guy.Copy !req
382. Hey, man. Sorry to wake you,
but you gotta try this.Copy !req
383. I'm takin' it slow, man.Copy !req
384. Hey, who's
on munchies tonight?Copy !req
385. We should make
that lazy bitch, The Guy, go.Copy !req
386. For real. I don't know about y'all,
but I can't even move.Copy !req
387. Real, B, right?Copy !req
388. It's like
I feel stuck here, yo.Copy !req
389. I'm glued to the floor.Copy !req
390. You guys feel
like you're floating?Copy !req
391. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
392. - Wanna go outside?
- Yeah.Copy !req
393. I don't need to
tell you this, but this weed was...Copy !req
394. the shiz-nittle-bam
snip-snap-sack!Copy !req
395. - Look!
- Wow, look at that!Copy !req
396. Hey, you guys.Copy !req
397. Let's go check in
on Kenny, huh?Copy !req
398. You're not a fish. You're a man.Copy !req
399. You're not a fish.
You're a man.Copy !req
400. Where did that come from?Copy !req
401. We've really gotta get
this guy out of jail.Copy !req
402. You walk around
on both legs, homo erectus!Copy !req
403. Did I say "homo" ?
I didn't mean that!Copy !req
404. Thurgood!
Thurgood!Copy !req
405. I got it! I know how
we could get Kenny out.Copy !req
406. - How?
- Weed, man.Copy !req
407. We'll sell weed.Copy !req
408. Man, you can't up
and decide to sell weed.Copy !req
409. You gotta know people to plug you
into that kind of thing.Copy !req
410. - I do!
- Who you know?Copy !req
411. - You, yo.
- Me?Copy !req
412. What, you think I can just walk in
and take this shit?Copy !req
413. I gotta— I gotta get
a form from a scientist.Copy !req
414. Well, how hard can it be, man?
There's gotta be forms laying around.Copy !req
415. I mean,
they are scientists.Copy !req
416. What the fuck
are you talkin' about, man?Copy !req
417. Look, I'm not stealin' weed.
We are not sellin' weed.Copy !req
418. We are three
reasonably bright young men.Copy !req
419. - Bully, man.
- Word, yo.Copy !req
420. There has got to be a legitimate way
to come up with this money.Copy !req
421. We just gotta think.
That's all that is.Copy !req
422. Hmm.Copy !req
423. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
424. Wait. Wait.
I think I got an idea.Copy !req
425. Why don't we sell that shit
we smoked the other night, yo?Copy !req
426. - Yeah.
- You suggested that already.Copy !req
427. - For real, B?Copy !req
428. Marijuana affects the memory.Copy !req
429. It won't take us
hardly any time, B.Copy !req
430. - Too risky, man.
- Stop bein' such a wussy, yo.Copy !req
431. - What other choice do we have, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
432. Okay, fine. Fine.
We'll do it.Copy !req
433. - Yeah.
- Gonna do it till Kenny's out,
and we're done.Copy !req
434. We're not drug dealers.
We're fund-raisers.Copy !req
435. - Of course, B.
- Bully, man.Copy !req
436. Okay.Copy !req
437. Scarface, lay it
on me, brother.Copy !req
438. Check it out, yo.
It's like this.Copy !req
439. Scarface's plan wasn't that bad.Copy !req
440. - Hey, good night, Mike.
- See you tomorrow.Copy !req
441. Good night.Copy !req
442. All I had to do was get forms from that
scientist that kept calling me janitor,Copy !req
443. forge one of the forms and put
the order in like I did before.Copy !req
444. - Thank you.
- Then we scraped together
what little money we had...Copy !req
445. and bought bikes
to help us move the product,Copy !req
446. then stapled samples of our weed
on the back of our business cards.Copy !req
447. Then we called the company Mr. Nice Guy
in honor of our friend Kenny.Copy !req
448. Hey, uh, you guys believe
in angels or—Copy !req
449. Man, give me
your fruit cocktail.Copy !req
450. Well, I can't.Copy !req
451. if I did that, then I'd have
to give it to you every day,Copy !req
452. and I won't get
all my vitamins.Copy !req
453. - Do you know who you're dealing with?
- Chill, Nasty Nate.Copy !req
454. He's my bitch. Anybody gonna
stab him, it's gonna be me.Copy !req
455. You got a problem with that?Copy !req
456. Watch your back, Fish, 'cause
Squirrel Master ain't gonna be
there for you all the time.Copy !req
457. 'Cause next time I come for you,
I'm gonna want some cocktail— fruit.Copy !req
458. Take it.Copy !req
459. I'm somebody's bitch.Copy !req
460. You guys gotta do something.
There's this guy Nasty Nate
who's after my cocktail fruit,Copy !req
461. and everyone here
likes fresh fish.Copy !req
462. And then the Squirrel Master came out
of left field and told me I'm his bitch.Copy !req
463. - Help!
- Ken, listen. We got a plan.Copy !req
464. - What is it?
- It's not the most honest plan.
You might not like it.Copy !req
465. - We gonna sell weed, yo.
- Yeah, great. Weed. Good. Go.Copy !req
466. - All right, man.
- Go!Copy !req
467. No more window love.
Go and sell it.Copy !req
468. We figured the best way to
spread the word was to hit the streets.Copy !req
469. And hit the streets we did.Copy !req
470. - Mary Jane
- How y'all feel about Mary JaneCopy !req
471. - Y'all don't know about Mary Jane
- Mary JaneCopy !req
472. So listen to what they say
'cause Mary never could tripCopy !req
473. Mary very, very necessary
Extraordinary bein' MaryCopy !req
474. To the mortuary, One kiss from
her sweet lips and out come a-visionCopy !req
475. - Three for dinner.Copy !req
476. Smoke that
and get back to us.Copy !req
477. Mr. Nice Guy has arrived, baby.
He's on.Copy !req
478. - All right.
- I'm in love with Mary Jane
I'm not the only oneCopy !req
479. - Oh, yes.
- Mary likes to play aroundCopy !req
480. Look at all these people!Copy !req
481. All right, guys. Be quick.
Let's just do this and get out of here.Copy !req
482. - Let's go, man.
- Let's go.
- It's money.Copy !req
483. Mary likes to spread her loveCopy !req
484. And turn my head aroundCopy !req
485. I'm in love with Mary JaneCopy !req
486. She is my main thing
She make me feel all rightCopy !req
487. - She make my heart sing
- All right, how'd you guys make out?Copy !req
488. - Good. I'm all out of cards, B.
- Me too.Copy !req
489. That would make three of us.Copy !req
490. All right.
We did our part, right?Copy !req
491. I just hope they smoke it.Copy !req
492. - if you love me, Mary Jane
- Mary JaneCopy !req
493. We're talkin' about Mary JaneCopy !req
494. How y'all feel about Mary JaneCopy !req
495. - Mary Jane
- She's my main thingCopy !req
496. - We're talkin' about Mary Jane
- Damn, this weed is good.Copy !req
497. - Y'all don't know about Mary Jane
- Mary JaneCopy !req
498. She make my heart singCopy !req
499. - This is so—
- We are in business, man.Copy !req
500. - Hold on. Hold on.Copy !req
501. - Mr. Nice Guy.
- Oh, I may have the wrong number.Copy !req
502. Um, is Thurgood around?Copy !req
503. - Speaking.
- Oh, hey, hey. It's Mary Jane.Copy !req
504. Do you remember? I gave you
a ride home from prison?Copy !req
505. Well, could you be
a little more specific?Copy !req
506. I get so many rides home
from prison.Copy !req
507. That was a joke.Copy !req
508. Oh.Copy !req
509. What happened? I didn't think
you were gonna call me.Copy !req
510. Well, I wasn't, but then I decided
I don't care what my friends think.Copy !req
511. See, that was a joke.
Get it?Copy !req
512. - A little joke.
- Not funny.Copy !req
513. So, you wanna
get together?Copy !req
514. Okay. Sure. When?Copy !req
515. How 'bout right now? Just meet me
at the place you dropped us off at.Copy !req
516. Okay. Can you give me
half an hour?Copy !req
517. - Yeah, half an hour's cool.
- Great.Copy !req
518. - All right. Okay.
- I'll see you there.Copy !req
519. - Bye.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
520. I've got a date with Mary Jane!Copy !req
521. - Word, yo?
- Yes!Copy !req
522. - All right, man.
- Y'all got money?Copy !req
523. The date couldn't
have come at a worse time.Copy !req
524. I was flat broke.Copy !req
525. All my money was tied up
in our drug-dealing venture.Copy !req
526. I only had eight bucks.
This was gonna take some careful
budgeting and maneuvering.Copy !req
527. - Hey.
- Watch the master at work.Copy !req
528. - You look great. You look wonderful.
- Thank you.Copy !req
529. You know what? I was thinkin'
it's so nice out,Copy !req
530. wanna go for a walk?Copy !req
531. Yeah, sure.
We can go for a walk.Copy !req
532. Good. Good. Let's.Copy !req
533. So far, so good.Copy !req
534. Three hours and 14 miles later,
I hadn't spent one penny.Copy !req
535. Damn, I was good!Copy !req
536. - And then it happened.
- I'm hungry too.Copy !req
537. - Hey, you wanna
eat at the Happy Palace?
- Uh, how 'bout a hot dog, huh?Copy !req
538. - Hey, what luck.
- Hot dog.Copy !req
539. - Hey, what can I get you?
- Could I have a hot dog
with ketchup and sauerkraut?Copy !req
540. - Sauerkraut's 50 cents extra.
- Damn!Copy !req
541. I've not had a hot dog
in so long.Copy !req
542. - Come on. Let's get out of here.
- Anything to drink?Copy !req
543. - You son of a bitch!
- Yes. Could I have a Pepsi, please?Copy !req
544. - Anything for you, sir?
- No. I'm fine. Thank you.Copy !req
545. - Greedy bastard!
- Didn't you promise me
ice cream the other day?Copy !req
546. I know a really
good place uptown.Copy !req
547. Great. Let's hoof it.Copy !req
548. Um, do you mind if we take
a cab this time?Copy !req
549. Sure.Copy !req
550. Thanks a lot, buddy.Copy !req
551. You should be happy
with the tip I gave you. Damn.Copy !req
552. - You should be kissing my ass.
- You guys are greedy.Copy !req
553. Best ice cream in town.Copy !req
554. - Spare change for some food?
- Oh.Copy !req
555. - Don't mind if I do.
- Thanks, young brother.Copy !req
556. No, thank you.Copy !req
557. - Mmm. Mmm-mmm.
- Yeah, I mean, I do miss my dad.Copy !req
558. But... he deserves
to be where he is.Copy !req
559. Drug dealers belong
in jail.Copy !req
560. Yeah. Yeah, wow.Copy !req
561. Yeah. Um, how long
he been in there?Copy !req
562. - Four years next month.
- Four years.Copy !req
563. - And what exactly was he sellin' ?
- Marijuana.Copy !req
564. Four years
just for weed? Damn!Copy !req
565. Just? No, no, no, no.
Not just.Copy !req
566. Marijuana is terrible.
It's a gateway drug.Copy !req
567. I mean, everybody knows
that it leads to other stuff.Copy !req
568. Yeah, mostly junk food.Copy !req
569. You don't smoke weed, do you?Copy !req
570. Come on, Mary Jane.Copy !req
571. I mean, do I look like somebody
that would smoke... marijuana?Copy !req
572. So you swear you don't?Copy !req
573. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
574. Okay, well, swear on this banana split
that you don't do marijuana.Copy !req
575. What? Oh, my God.Copy !req
576. Do you swear?Copy !req
577. Yes, Mary Jane. I swear.Copy !req
578. That you got pretty eyes.Copy !req
579. That's good.Copy !req
580. That's real good.Copy !req
581. I got some booty. I got some booty.
I got some booty.Copy !req
582. It was really good too.Copy !req
583. Ooh, she was a giver,
a caring nurturer.Copy !req
584. She held me in her arms, and it was
like I was 15 years old all over again.Copy !req
585. - I was hooked on Mary Jane.Copy !req
586. The next mornin' the phones blew up like
we were havin' a fuckin' telethon, man.Copy !req
587. Everybody in New York was callin'
to get down with Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
588. We met all kinds of customers,
like this guy here.Copy !req
589. He's what we call
an enhancement smoker,Copy !req
590. 'cause he thinks marijuana
makes every activity that much better.Copy !req
591. - Mi casa es su casa.
- Observe.Copy !req
592. - You're Scarface, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
593. I love Al Pacino, man.Copy !req
594. - Did you ever see Scent of a Woman?
- Yep.Copy !req
595. Did you ever see
Scent of a Woman... on weed?Copy !req
596. That's the way to see it, man!
It's just whacked! Pow!Copy !req
597. - Sixty bucks, yo.
- That's cool, man.Copy !req
598. I got it. I got it.Copy !req
599. - Did you ever see
the back of a $20 bill, man?
- Man, I don't know, yo.Copy !req
600. Did you ever see the back
of a $20 bill... on weed?Copy !req
601. Oh, there's some weird shit
in there, man!Copy !req
602. There's a dude sittin' in the bushes.
Does he have a gun?Copy !req
603. I don't know, man.
What? What?Copy !req
604. Red team go. Red team go.Copy !req
605. - Just some weird shit, man.
- Man, you're fuckin' crazy, yo.Copy !req
606. - Take your shit.
- No, that's cool. Thanks, man.Copy !req
607. Hey, yo, wait! Dude, I'm gonna
check out the stars later.Copy !req
608. It's really trippy.
Especially on weed, man.Copy !req
609. A scavenger smoker is
someone who never has weed of their own.Copy !req
610. But as soon as you smoke it,
here they come.Copy !req
611. - Damn!
- What up?
- Man!Copy !req
612. What's up, dogs? Scoot over.
Let me get in here, man.Copy !req
613. - What y'all doin'?
- Nothin'.Copy !req
614. - Nothin'?
- Yeah, just chillin'.Copy !req
615. What's the matter?
Let me inhale it. Let me have some.Copy !req
616. All right, man.
Just one hit, you scavenger.Copy !req
617. Always come around.Copy !req
618. Can't even smoke weed
in peace.Copy !req
619. I ain't even into the
motherfucker yet. Back up, brother.Copy !req
620. You know we sell this?
I don't know if you knew that.Copy !req
621. It's too bad, man.
I just stopped smokin' yesterday.Copy !req
622. I'm gonna get up out of here.
Y'all stay up, now. Nice seeing y'all.Copy !req
623. - Yeah. Look at that shit.
- Man.Copy !req
624. Then there's the "You
Should've Been There" smoker.Copy !req
625. They love talkin' about the old days,
back when weed was grass.Copy !req
626. Hell, back in the '60s, we used to
smoke that shit on the street.Copy !req
627. Cops didn't say nothin'.
Hell, they was gettin' high too.
Everybody was doin' it.Copy !req
628. - Mm.
- Lt wasn't the thing to do because
it was the thing to do, you know?Copy !req
629. It was the thing to do
because it got you high.Copy !req
630. - Can you dig?
- I feel ya. That's why I'm doin' it.Copy !req
631. I feel it. Man, you're cool
as shit, mister.Copy !req
632. I hate to do it, but I gotta
charge you. That's 60 bucks.Copy !req
633. - Sixty bucks?
- Yeah.Copy !req
634. Man, I remember when a dime bag
cost a dime, you know what I mean?Copy !req
635. - You know how much condoms
used to cost in them days?
- How much?Copy !req
636. I don't know.
l— We never used 'em.Copy !req
637. We call this kid
the "After School Special" smoker.Copy !req
638. He spends all
of his allowance on reefer.Copy !req
639. Thanks, little buddy.Copy !req
640. Now, in the next room, his father,
an "I'm 40, But I'm Still Cool" smoker,Copy !req
641. is tokin' up, trying to figure
out a way to bond with his son.Copy !req
642. isn't that ironic?
Don't you think?Copy !req
643. 'Course across town, the kid's Nana's
smokin' up, tryin' to ease her glaucoma.Copy !req
644. And it's good
for arthritis too.Copy !req
645. - We made over 20 grand
that first week, man.Copy !req
646. And because we were stealin' the weed,
not buyin' it, it was all profit.Copy !req
647. But if we were gonna save Kenny,
we had to deliver full-time.Copy !req
648. Scarface quit his job.Copy !req
649. Still waiting
on that Heifer, Julio.Copy !req
650. Fuck you. Fuck you.Copy !req
651. Fuck you. You're cool.Copy !req
652. And fuck you. I'm out!Copy !req
653. Brian was gonna quit,
but they fired him before he could.Copy !req
654. Don't worry. Don't worry.Copy !req
655. I'm not gonna do what
everyone thinks I'm gonna do:Copy !req
656. Flip out, man!Copy !req
657. All I wanna know is:
who's comin' with me?Copy !req
658. Who's comin', man?
Who's comin' with me?Copy !req
659. Huh? Who's comin' with me, man?Copy !req
660. - I will.
- Jan.Copy !req
661. Thank you, Jan. Yeah.Copy !req
662. That's what
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
663. Bully, man. Yeah.Copy !req
664. Jan, will you be
my girlfriend?Copy !req
665. I would... but I'm gay,
you know?Copy !req
666. - Ohh.
- I'm a big dyke.Copy !req
667. What's that like?Copy !req
668. - Thank you for calling.
Thank you very much. Bye-bye.Copy !req
669. We had to hire that girl Jan
'cause she followed Brian.Copy !req
670. - But it actually worked out.
- Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
671. She was more organized than we were,
and she was willing to work for weed.Copy !req
672. All right, then.Copy !req
673. Mr. Nice Guy
was blowin' up, man.Copy !req
674. We got customers
from all over New York.Copy !req
675. - We even stole a few from Samson.
Oh, what's up, nigger?Copy !req
676. Come on in, man.
Come on, weed man.Copy !req
677. Thanks, baby.Copy !req
678. Get on. Beat it.
You're scarin' him.Copy !req
679. Ha! Sir Smoka Lot.Copy !req
680. - What can I get you today, Smoka Lot?
- Love weed.Copy !req
681. Um, let me get a pound
of your sweetest chiva.Copy !req
682. Damn. Yes! Somethin' told me
to bring a lot of weed, man.Copy !req
683. Aw, shit. Pound
of my sweetest chiva.Copy !req
684. - Don't get no better than that.
- Can smell it through the bag.Copy !req
685. That's gonna be
9,600 bucks, bro.Copy !req
686. Let's see what I got here.Copy !req
687. Come on, man. Hang out
for a minute. Smoke with me.Copy !req
688. I got weed. I got my bong out.
Come on, son.Copy !req
689. For you, man,
I'll stay for a minute.Copy !req
690. But then I gotta be—
gotta be goin'.Copy !req
691. I understand.Copy !req
692. And Smoka Lot opened up to me like l
was Barbara Walters. It was ridiculous.Copy !req
693. - He told me about his lawyer.
- He had sex with my mama! Why?Copy !req
694. - His spirituality.
- God, if you listenin'... help!Copy !req
695. - His bad back.
- Doctor said I need a backeotomy.Copy !req
696. - His love life.
- I'm impotent, man.
Get away from me, bitch!Copy !req
697. - I mean, talk about a guy with problems.
- Tough break.Copy !req
698. - I can't take it no more.
- No wonder he smokes a pound a week.Copy !req
699. - Somebody?
- So now we had a famous clientele and—Copy !req
700. Greeneyes gonna miss ya.Copy !req
701. - And guess what else?
- Call me next week...
about weed, about weed.Copy !req
702. I got more booty!
I got more booty!Copy !req
703. I don't mean
to rub it in, folks.Copy !req
704. It's just that, you know,
I liked this so much, man.Copy !req
705. When I was with her,
I didn't even think about weed.Copy !req
706. - Didn't have to.
- Bye.Copy !req
707. - She was all the Mary Jane I needed.Copy !req
708. When I was youngCopy !req
709. I never needed anyoneCopy !req
710. Makin' love
was just for funCopy !req
711. Those days are goneCopy !req
712. All by myselfCopy !req
713. What did I tell you, Nate?
Come on. Come on.Copy !req
714. Come on. Come on, Nate.Copy !req
715. - He had to stay vigilant.Copy !req
716. - Wash off your Han—
- Kenny's butthole
was in constant jeopardy.Copy !req
717. - But we were makin' money.
- Hey, what's up, mates?Copy !req
718. - What's up, man?
- What's up, boy?Copy !req
719. - What's up, yo?
- Nada. I'm just chillin'.Copy !req
720. Hey, guys. Why is there a dog
biting The Guy?Copy !req
721. - 'Cause I bought a dog, B.
- Bought a dog?Copy !req
722. - For how much?
- Oh, it's cool. Yo, he's used.Copy !req
723. lncluding the house,
it was only 250, yo.Copy !req
724. You spent $250
on a used dog?Copy !req
725. And a dog house, yo.
Brian bought something too.Copy !req
726. For $400, I got Jerry Garcia
in a pouch, man.Copy !req
727. - Who the hell told you that?
- The guy who sold it to me.
Barry Garcia.Copy !req
728. And what he's supposed to be?
Jerry Garcia's brother?Copy !req
729. No. Actually,
it's Andy Garcia's brother.Copy !req
730. Why the hell
are you guys spendin' money?
We're not drug dealers, remember?Copy !req
731. - We're fund-raisers.
- Well, you said you gave
Mary Jane a pearl necklace.Copy !req
732. - How much did that cost, man?
- Ah.Copy !req
733. You know, obviously you missed
the point of that story, Brian.Copy !req
734. - Come on, guys. Return this shit.
- We can't, yo.Copy !req
735. - Why am I tellin' Mary Jane
I don't have any money?
- 'Cause you're a fibber.Copy !req
736. No, because we don't
have any money.Copy !req
737. The money we do have
is not for spending.Copy !req
738. It's for saving Kenny's
sweet virgin ass, man!Copy !req
739. if you guys spend one more dime,
I swear I will bitch-slap you.Copy !req
740. Gimme that.Copy !req
741. Sorry for yelling.
But I'm serious.Copy !req
742. We gotta start
bein' more responsible and focused.Copy !req
743. All right? Let's be sharp.Copy !req
744. Scarface, your dog is mean, man.Copy !req
745. I know, all right.Copy !req
746. Somebody gotta do somethin'
about this shit right now.Copy !req
747. Mmm. Come here, doggie.Copy !req
748. - Hey, little fella. Smell it?Copy !req
749. Hey! Smell it.
Okay. All right. Mm.Copy !req
750. - Good boy.Copy !req
751. - He likes it.
- He loves it, man.Copy !req
752. - Of course he loves it.
- Yeah, your paws are tingling,
aren't they?Copy !req
753. - Now you're one of us.Copy !req
754. - Get it, Killer.Copy !req
755. - He likes it, yo.
- Yeah, man,
he really likes it.Copy !req
756. - Good for you, man.
- Man, what did you guys do to him, yo?Copy !req
757. - Nothin', man.
- Yo, Killer. Kill! Killer, kill!Copy !req
758. This weed is fantastic!Copy !req
759. We kept pluggin' away
with the weed deliveries,Copy !req
760. and we kept meetin' different kinds
of smokers, like this lady.Copy !req
761. - She's an "I'm Only Creative
if I Smoke" smoker.
- Hi.Copy !req
762. She believes weed, and only weed,
brings out the artist in her.Copy !req
763. - Would you like to hear
some of my poetry?
- Not really.Copy !req
764. You really should.Copy !req
765. I have killed.
I have helped kill.Copy !req
766. I have killed part of myself.
I cannot change this, l.Copy !req
767. I must seek Buddha.
I must seek Christ.Copy !req
768. You must seek therapy. That's what
I would go with, but that's my own—Copy !req
769. The MacGyver smoker
is a very handy guy to have around,Copy !req
770. especially when it comes
to reefer.Copy !req
771. Hey, man,
we're out of papers.Copy !req
772. All right. Then get me a toilet paper
roll, a corkscrew and some tin foil.Copy !req
773. We don't have a corkscrew.Copy !req
774. All right. Then get me an avocado,
an ice pick and my snorkel.Copy !req
775. Trust me, bro.
I've made bongs with less. Hurry up!Copy !req
776. - And then you got
your straight-up potheads.
- Ooh!Copy !req
777. You can spot these people
by their lack of motivation,Copy !req
778. mood swings, forgetfulness and,
of course, the dreaded low sperm count.Copy !req
779. I don't know
which one of these categories
we fall into, but I'll tell you this:Copy !req
780. We ain't no goddamn potheads.Copy !req
781. Hmm.Copy !req
782. Shit.Copy !req
783. Then you have
the avid nonsmoker.Copy !req
784. A lot of times they'll get
your number accidentally
from one of their girlfriends,Copy !req
785. call up and place an order
knowing they don't smoke weed...Copy !req
786. and request
that you personally deliver it.Copy !req
787. Then when you get there, they're
all mad that it's you sellin' weed.Copy !req
788. You smoke weed? At last
we can share everything.Copy !req
789. Get off me, you lying
son of a bitch! What is this?Copy !req
790. Looks like some sort
of a business card.Copy !req
791. Yeah, with your number on it.
You know, I can't believe this!Copy !req
792. I can't believe that I fell for another
one of you lowlife assholes again.Copy !req
793. - God, what is wrong with me?
- Hey—Copy !req
794. Hey, Mary Jane, I can explain
everything, all right?Copy !req
795. - Good-bye, Thurgood.
- Wait! Hold up!Copy !req
796. Hey, Mary Jane!Copy !req
797. Mary Jane, look, the only reason
I lied to you was because I like you...Copy !req
798. and I wanted
to be with you.Copy !req
799. Mary Jane.Copy !req
800. Knight Rider.Copy !req
801. A shadowy flight
into the dangerous world...Copy !req
802. of a man who does not exist.Copy !req
803. Thurgood, why the long face, man?Copy !req
804. - Mary Jane dumped me.
- Shh. Quiet down, yo.Copy !req
805. - Sir Smoka Lot's on TV.
- Cecil?Copy !req
806. When life is hard, I pick up
that card with the smiley faceCopy !req
807. - Call him over to my placeCopy !req
808. Box it
Man, it gets you highCopy !req
809. - And that's
when things started going wrong.Copy !req
810. Samson, it looks like somebody
is cuttin' into your business, baby.Copy !req
811. - Shit.
- Do you like what you see, Samson?Copy !req
812. Do I look like
I like what I see?Copy !req
813. Who is this
Mr. Nice Guy?Copy !req
814. I would imagine he's
some sort of drug dealer.Copy !req
815. Go get me this Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
816. - I wanna sit him down
and ask him some questions.Copy !req
817. - Hey, Squirrel Master.
- Kenny.Copy !req
818. Listen, uh, l, uh,
just wanted to say thank you...Copy !req
819. for protecting me back there.Copy !req
820. - We didn't mind.
Huh? Did we, Fuzzy Nuts?Copy !req
821. I hope there's some way I can pay
you back when we get on the outside.Copy !req
822. You better hurry up.
I get out in 11 days.Copy !req
823. Is that right?Copy !req
824. Kenny, 11 days?
That seems a little stiff, man.Copy !req
825. Eleven days, Thurgood,
I'm as good as skewered.Copy !req
826. Ever take your clothes off
and run backwards through a cornfield?Copy !req
827. - Ooh.
- Hurry, Thurgood.Copy !req
828. I'm countin' on you, man!
Please! Please!Copy !req
829. Eleven days wasn't
gonna give us much time.Copy !req
830. We really had to hustle, and
that meant takin' on new customers.Copy !req
831. Damn, B! I been set up.Copy !req
832. We'll get back to that in a second.Copy !req
833. But meanwhile I hadn't seen
Mary Jane in, like, a week.Copy !req
834. I couldn't stop thinkin'
about her, man. I missed her.Copy !req
835. Then I started thinkin' about
the fact that she was the only
girl I slept with in five years.Copy !req
836. Then I started thinkin' about the girl
I slept with before Mary Jane.Copy !req
837. I had to get Mary Jane back.Copy !req
838. - What do you want?Copy !req
839. I want you back, Mary Jane.Copy !req
840. I miss you. I'll do whatever
it takes to get you back.Copy !req
841. I can't quit sellin' it yet,
but I'll quit smokin' it.Copy !req
842. if that's what you want, then—
then I'll change for you.Copy !req
843. - Heard that before.
- Said that before.Copy !req
844. But this time I mean it. I'm gonna
come back here. I'm gonna be clean.Copy !req
845. I'm gonna be sober.
There's no more weed, no more nothin'.Copy !req
846. Mary Jane, you'll see.
I'll be back. I'll be a changed man.Copy !req
847. There's a new
Thurgood Jenkins today.Copy !req
848. I love you.Copy !req
849. Man, that first day
of sobriety sucked.Copy !req
850. And I realized something:
I was a real irritable guy
when I wasn't smokin' marijuana.Copy !req
851. I couldn't stop thinkin'
about gettin' high.Copy !req
852. It was time to get help.Copy !req
853. Hi, everyone.
My name is Thurgood.Copy !req
854. - Hi, Thurgood.
- Hi.Copy !req
855. I'm here today because
I'm addicted... to marijuana.Copy !req
856. - You in here because of marijuana?Copy !req
857. Marijuana?Copy !req
858. Man, this is some bullshit!Copy !req
859. Marijuana is not a drug.Copy !req
860. - I used to suck dick for coke.
- I seen him!Copy !req
861. And that's an addiction, man.Copy !req
862. - You ever suck dick for marijuana?
- Huh?Copy !req
863. - No. No, I can't say I have.
- I didn't think so.Copy !req
864. - Boo this man!
- Boo!Copy !req
865. No.Copy !req
866. No!Copy !req
867. No!Copy !req
868. Devil man.Copy !req
869. Devil— 666—
The mark of the beast!Copy !req
870. No! Naughty!Copy !req
871. Naughty jungle of love!Copy !req
872. - The man is serious.
- Calm down. How serious can it be?Copy !req
873. He wants to see Mr. Nice Guy.
He told me.Copy !req
874. Oh, man.Copy !req
875. No, yo!Copy !req
876. They killed Killer, B!Copy !req
877. Yo, Samson did this, man.Copy !req
878. Yo, he killed Killer, man.Copy !req
879. - Hey.
- He killed—Copy !req
880. I'm gonna call Brian.Copy !req
881. - Let's just give him
a proper burial, all right?Copy !req
882. I'm sorry, man.Copy !req
883. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
884. - Oh! I'm sorry.
- Watch it, man!
You stepped on his head!Copy !req
885. I'm sorry.
I didn't even see him.Copy !req
886. I gotta smoke.
I have got to smoke.Copy !req
887. - What happened, man?Copy !req
888. You wanna know what happened?
I'll tell you what happened.Copy !req
889. Samson and his girls
came rollin' up in here lookin' for me.Copy !req
890. They was gonna mess me up
if I didn't bring them Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
891. So they probably
roughed the Guy up,Copy !req
892. then they started
goin' to war with the apartment.Copy !req
893. They had num-chuks, bolos.
They be doin' lndian burns.Copy !req
894. Killer paid the price, yo.Copy !req
895. He got the wrath. He got
the wrath of the num-chuks, yo.Copy !req
896. I think it's more complex
than that.Copy !req
897. - More complex than that?
- You know what I think happened?Copy !req
898. You want to hear
what I think, man?Copy !req
899. First of all, to understand
what happened to Killer,Copy !req
900. you gotta understand
who Killer the dog was.Copy !req
901. Now, Killer was born
to a three-legged bitch mother.Copy !req
902. He was always
ashamed of this, man.Copy !req
903. And right after that, he's adopted
by this man, Tito Liebowitz.Copy !req
904. He's a small-time gunrunner...Copy !req
905. and, uh,
rottweiler fight promoter.Copy !req
906. So he puts Killer into training.
They see Killer's good.Copy !req
907. He is damn good.Copy !req
908. But then he had
the fight of his life.Copy !req
909. They pit him against
his brother Nibbles.Copy !req
910. And Killer said, "No, man, that's
my brother. I can't fight Nibbles!"Copy !req
911. And he made 'em fight anyway.Copy !req
912. And then Killer,
he killed Nibbles.Copy !req
913. And Killer said, "That's it."Copy !req
914. He called off all his fights, and he
started doing crack, and he freaked out.Copy !req
915. And then in a rage,
he collapsed,Copy !req
916. and his heart...Copy !req
917. no longer beat.Copy !req
918. Wow.Copy !req
919. You know, uh,Copy !req
920. I never thought I'd say
this to anybody,Copy !req
921. but you two smoke
entirely too much reefer.Copy !req
922. What if The Guy did it?Copy !req
923. No way. You think?Copy !req
924. Yo?Copy !req
925. Yo, The Guy,
did you kill my dog?Copy !req
926. I believe him, yo.
I don't know why, but I do.Copy !req
927. Samson did this shit, yo.Copy !req
928. Mr. Nice Guy,
Party Accessories.Copy !req
929. Well, did you get
my message?Copy !req
930. - Who is this?
- This is Samson, smarty-pants.Copy !req
931. Operator with an
emergency breakthrough from your sister.Copy !req
932. Samson, this is Sheila. Mama fell—Copy !req
933. Shut up, bitch!Copy !req
934. You tell Mr. Nice Guy
to get his Jamaican ass...Copy !req
935. over to my place
at 3:00 tomorrow!Copy !req
936. - Now, you don't want me to get ugly.
- No, sir.Copy !req
937. - Shit.
- All right. I'll tell 'em.Copy !req
938. Oh, my God.Copy !req
939. We're in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
940. Scarface, perhaps
you could help me.Copy !req
941. Why do you think Samson thinks
that Mr. Nice Guy's a Jamaican?Copy !req
942. Oh, 'cause I told him
Mr. Nice Guy was Jamaican, yo.Copy !req
943. - Why?
- I just thought he sounded
Jamaican inside my head.Copy !req
944. We're in a lot
of trouble, guys.Copy !req
945. We have a meeting
with Samson tomorrow at 3:00.
Where are we gonna get a Jamaican?Copy !req
946. I'll pretend
I'm Jamaican, man.Copy !req
947. Yeah.Copy !req
948. You have smoked yourself
retarded.Copy !req
949. Well, well, well,
if it isn't Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
950. Welcome to my lair.Copy !req
951. Well, now. Tell me
a little bit about yourself.Copy !req
952. Well, you know, I be from
Jamaica, man. Lord have mercy.Copy !req
953. What part of Jamaica?Copy !req
954. Right near the beach—
BoyCopy !req
955. I think
you're bullshitting me.Copy !req
956. Samson Simpson,
I stick by my story!Copy !req
957. I'm from Jamaica.Copy !req
958. if I wasn't Jamaican, then why
would I wear this hat? Hmm?Copy !req
959. Delilah,Copy !req
960. get me 814.Copy !req
961. 814.Copy !req
962. What the fuck is 814?Copy !req
963. Oh! I'm sorry, y'all.
I don't want to be the first nigger
to die from a crossbow.Copy !req
964. You know, I have been
lying to you.Copy !req
965. I'm sorry.
Samson, I'm sorry. Okay?Copy !req
966. We— We just started this
because our friend got locked up.Copy !req
967. Brother, you know how that is.
We had to get him outta jail.Copy !req
968. Now this
is what's gonna happen.Copy !req
969. You make about 40,000,
50,000 a week.Copy !req
970. Shit. I wish.Copy !req
971. Well, I want half,Copy !req
972. $20,000 a week,
or you're dead!Copy !req
973. You understand?Copy !req
974. Twenty thousand seems fair.
That seems fair, right guys? It's fair.Copy !req
975. Class dismissed.Copy !req
976. Man, we are
in trouble, man.Copy !req
977. Jerry, I really need
your help, man. Feel us—Copy !req
978. Brian, will you stop praying to
a bag of sand, man? Come on.Copy !req
979. You heard the man. If we don't
get this money, we're dead. All of us!Copy !req
980. Yo, Thurgood, why don't you get your
boy, The Guy, to lend you some money?Copy !req
981. - You certainly let him
stay here long enough.
- Man, that's Brian's boy.Copy !req
982. - I didn't let him stay here.
- I don't know him, man.Copy !req
983. - Hey, what day is it?
- Saturday.Copy !req
984. - Is it January?Copy !req
985. No, man, it's August.Copy !req
986. Oh, wow. August.Copy !req
987. - Hey, I couldn't help
overhearing you guys.Copy !req
988. You know, if you want to double
your profits, you should rob that lab.Copy !req
989. Tomorrow's Sunday.
There'll be no one in there.Copy !req
990. Just go in and rob
the place blind.Copy !req
991. It'll work, I promise you.Copy !req
992. Hey, uh, seein' as how
we don't know who you are,Copy !req
993. are you plannin'
on movin' out anytime soon?Copy !req
994. Thurgood, why don't you just
focus on one thing at a time?Copy !req
995. I'll be fine. The robbery
is what's important now.Copy !req
996. Phase One is complete, yo.Copy !req
997. - All right.Copy !req
998. Now all we gotta do is go down this
hatch to the second-floor supply room.Copy !req
999. Grab all the weed you can grab,
and we are outta here!Copy !req
1000. Sick, man!
This is it?Copy !req
1001. Let's do it.Copy !req
1002. Watch your step.Copy !req
1003. - You didn't say nothin'
about no door, yo.
- Chill out, man.Copy !req
1004. I smoke weed here all the time.
This door's never locked.Copy !req
1005. - I didn't say the alarm would be off.Copy !req
1006. - I said it never locked.
- Well, hurry, yo!Copy !req
1007. You guys, wait up!Copy !req
1008. Oh.Copy !req
1009. - Hold up!Copy !req
1010. - isn't that Thurgood, the custodian?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1011. - Want me to call the cops?
- No. This is too much fun.Copy !req
1012. Right over here!
Come on!Copy !req
1013. I hope there's some left.Copy !req
1014. Maui Wowie!Copy !req
1015. I never seen this much weed
in my life! Let's go!Copy !req
1016. - Come on, man!Copy !req
1017. Get down on your knees with
your hands behind your head.Copy !req
1018. Yo, I'm gonna make
a run for it, B.Copy !req
1019. Just get down, man.Copy !req
1020. At least Brian
got away, yo.Copy !req
1021. Whoa! My nads! Oh!Copy !req
1022. Hey, thank God, man!Copy !req
1023. Get down on your knees with
your hands behind your head!Copy !req
1024. Move in.Copy !req
1025. Breaking and entering.Copy !req
1026. You got me?
Open and shut.Copy !req
1027. I say we book 'em.
You got me? We book 'em.Copy !req
1028. Hey, wait a minute, guys.Copy !req
1029. It's not open and shut.
What do you guys do for a living?Copy !req
1030. - I'm a detective.
- Yeah, we're detectives.Copy !req
1031. Oh. Okay then, detect.
Ask us somethin'.Copy !req
1032. - What do you know about this
new Jamaican, this Mr. Nice Guy?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1033. Aw, shit, yo.Copy !req
1034. Well, I heard he's got great weed,
but that's neither here nor there.Copy !req
1035. - I mean, we can't bring him down.
- Crazy.Copy !req
1036. But we can
bring you Samson.Copy !req
1037. Just ask me how. Ask me!Copy !req
1038. How are you gonna
bring Samson down?Copy !req
1039. We got a meeting with him
in a couple days.Copy !req
1040. I'll wear a wire. Hmm?Copy !req
1041. All right, listen to me.
There's $30,000 in this knapsack.Copy !req
1042. When you get in there,
give him the 20 grand you owe him,Copy !req
1043. and with the remaining ten,
buy whatever narcotics he's got around.Copy !req
1044. You got me?
You paying attention?Copy !req
1045. No. Sorry, man.Copy !req
1046. Unless you say out loud what it
is you're buying, we got nothin'.Copy !req
1047. So make sure that you say it, and make
sure that you get Samson to say it.Copy !req
1048. - No codes. No slang.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1049. As soon as you got the stuff,
or if anything goes wrong,
say the phrase, "Abracadabra."Copy !req
1050. - Abracadabra.
- Abracadabra?Copy !req
1051. - Okay. Okay.
- Make sure that you are relaxed.Copy !req
1052. And just act
completely normal.Copy !req
1053. - That's gonna be a problem.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1054. I mean we haven't smoked
any weed today, man.Copy !req
1055. if the three of us go in there
all clear-eyed, Samson
is gonna know somethin's up.Copy !req
1056. Well, if you think
it's gonna help.Copy !req
1057. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's
gonna help. You got a light?Copy !req
1058. Mmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1059. - Thanks, Officer.Copy !req
1060. I just wanna say,Copy !req
1061. that was a great idea,
Thurgood.Copy !req
1062. - Wow. I mean, where do you even—
- Just smoke it, yo!Copy !req
1063. if somethin' happens to us,
could you—Copy !req
1064. could you give this letter
to Mary Jane Potman?Copy !req
1065. Sure thing, kid.Copy !req
1066. And— And tell our friend Kenny Davis
we love him. He's in prison.Copy !req
1067. - Let's go. Come on.
- All right. Let's move.Copy !req
1068. Just remember to speak clearly.Copy !req
1069. - Get him to say what he's sellin' you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1070. It ain't always good...Copy !req
1071. to get high before you have
important things to do.Copy !req
1072. Lucky for us,
the cops had our backs.Copy !req
1073. - Hello, boys.
- Hi, Samson.Copy !req
1074. So... where's the money?Copy !req
1075. Right here in my bag.Copy !req
1076. Um, Samson, can l
ask you a question?Copy !req
1077. Go ahead.Copy !req
1078. Do you know where we can score
some cocaine?Copy !req
1079. - You want some candy?
- Uh, no, thanks.Copy !req
1080. But it'd be great
if we can get some cocaine.Copy !req
1081. - What's so funny?Copy !req
1082. Those guys—
Those guys are doomed!Copy !req
1083. I can't feel my hands!Copy !req
1084. l— I can feel them.Copy !req
1085. What we have here...Copy !req
1086. is some Columbian heaven.Copy !req
1087. Pure cocaine.Copy !req
1088. - Candy makes you dandy.
- Hmm.Copy !req
1089. This is all the cocaine
we get for ten G's, B?Copy !req
1090. - We have other product.
- Oh, like more cocaine?Copy !req
1091. And that is?Copy !req
1092. Fine China. Babaloo.Copy !req
1093. - Looks like heroin to me, yo.
- Yeah. Is that heroin?Copy !req
1094. You've got to be the dumbest dealers
in the history of the dope game.Copy !req
1095. You mean the game
that you run, yo?Copy !req
1096. - Good.
- Just call me Jesse Owens.Copy !req
1097. Jesse, can we get some cocaine
and get the hell outta here?Copy !req
1098. - Okay.
- Can I buy some of your heroin too?Copy !req
1099. - Okay.Copy !req
1100. All right. All right.Copy !req
1101. It's been a pleasure
doing business with you.Copy !req
1102. Thank you very much for the heroin
and the cocaine. Here's your money.Copy !req
1103. All right.Copy !req
1104. Abracadabra.Copy !req
1105. Yeah, man!Copy !req
1106. Abracadabra.Copy !req
1107. "You're all the Mary Jane
I'll ever need."Copy !req
1108. - Abracadabra, yo!
- Oh, abracadabra, man.Copy !req
1109. - Abracadabra.
- Boy, why do you keep saying that?Copy !req
1110. What? Abracadabra?Copy !req
1111. Yes. Abracadabra.Copy !req
1112. It's the latest thing.
All the kids are saying it, all right?Copy !req
1113. - Abracadabra, my brother.
- What's up? Abracadabra.Copy !req
1114. - Abracadabra.
- Slim, take off your shirt.Copy !req
1115. Samson, Samson,
I hardly know you.Copy !req
1116. - Ladies.
- Abracadabra.Copy !req
1117. - Abracadabra, man!
- Abracadabra, yo!Copy !req
1118. Abracadabra! Abra—Copy !req
1119. You're dead! All of you!Copy !req
1120. Hey, fellas,
let's beat these bitches!Copy !req
1121. Let's work it out.Copy !req
1122. Oh, yo, your titty.Copy !req
1123. - Now, that's a titty.
- Fully, man.Copy !req
1124. That is an official fully.Copy !req
1125. Aah!Copy !req
1126. - These are mean people. Mean, mean, man.
- Look out!Copy !req
1127. This is for Killer, B.Copy !req
1128. - Surprise, surprise, surprise.Copy !req
1129. Look who's walkin'.Copy !req
1130. Nigger, I thought
you said you was crippled.Copy !req
1131. Well, sweet pea,
we're all crippled in some way.Copy !req
1132. - Put it down!
- You win.Copy !req
1133. Now...Copy !req
1134. this is the way
it's gonna work.Copy !req
1135. I'm gonna take your little
Mexican friend with me,Copy !req
1136. and I'm gonna kill him.Copy !req
1137. - I'm Cuban, B.
- Yes, Cuban B.Copy !req
1138. - Now is there anything you want
to say to your friends?
- Jerry, we need you.Copy !req
1139. Abracadabra, B!Copy !req
1140. Oh, man!Copy !req
1141. Oh, wow.Copy !req
1142. Sucks to be you, man!Copy !req
1143. Oh, man! Oh, man!Copy !req
1144. What did l—
I told you he was real, man.Copy !req
1145. Jerry... thank you, man.Copy !req
1146. You're welcome, Brian.Copy !req
1147. Peace.Copy !req
1148. - Well, abracadabra.
- Whoa!Copy !req
1149. - All right.
- What the hell's goin' on here?Copy !req
1150. - Our job is done.
These guys can go home.
- You guys are wasted, man.Copy !req
1151. Thurgood, Thurgood.
Nice letter.Copy !req
1152. - Gimme that back.
- Queer.Copy !req
1153. - Everybody, freeze!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
1154. Nobody move!Copy !req
1155. The cops took all
the credit for bustin' Samson,
but that's not important.Copy !req
1156. What was important is that we cut
a deal, and Kenny was finally free.Copy !req
1157. - Hallelujah!Copy !req
1158. Which brings me
to the Brooklyn Bridge,Copy !req
1159. where I had to make things right
with Mary Jane.Copy !req
1160. - Hi.
- Are you?Copy !req
1161. A little bit from yesterday,
you know, when Kenny got—Copy !req
1162. But-But-But, Mary Jane, listen.
I'm done. I'm done sellin' it.Copy !req
1163. I'm done smokin' it.
This is the last of it, right here.Copy !req
1164. I just wanted you to see me
get rid of it.Copy !req
1165. Could we just have a—
a moment alone?Copy !req
1166. Do what you gotta do.
Be strong.Copy !req
1167. Thanks, baby.Copy !req
1168. Mary Jane,Copy !req
1169. bein' with you these past
11 years has been wonderful.Copy !req
1170. But I gotta move on.Copy !req
1171. Come on. Smoke me.
Have a quickie for old time's sake.Copy !req
1172. No. She's looking.Copy !req
1173. She's looking.
All right. Real quick.Copy !req
1174. No. No! It wouldn't be right.Copy !req
1175. Goddamn you!Copy !req
1176. You'll be back!Copy !req
1177. Everything work out okay?Copy !req
1178. Yeah. Mary Jane, I love you.Copy !req
1179. I love you too.Copy !req
1180. I know.
I know what you're thinkin'.Copy !req
1181. - That old Thurgood sold out, right?
- I'm your girl now.Copy !req
1182. But let me tell you something.
I love weed, okay? I love it.Copy !req
1183. But not as much
as I love pussy.Copy !req
1184. The End.Copy !req
1185. I get lifted upCopy !req
1186. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1187. I get lifted upCopy !req
1188. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1189. Sittin' here together, babyCopy !req
1190. We're aloneCopy !req
1191. Now I can tell ya, girlCopy !req
1192. You turn me onCopy !req
1193. I get lifted upCopy !req
1194. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1195. I get lifted upCopy !req
1196. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1197. You've got the love thatCopy !req
1198. The love I desire, babeCopy !req
1199. You've got the matchCopy !req
1200. Ooh, that lights my lifeCopy !req
1201. I get lifted upCopy !req
1202. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1203. I get lifted upCopy !req
1204. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1205. I get lifted upCopy !req
1206. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1207. I get lifted upCopy !req
1208. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1209. You got the love thatCopy !req
1210. The love I desire, babeCopy !req
1211. You've got the matchCopy !req
1212. Ooh, that lights my fireCopy !req
1213. I get lifted upCopy !req
1214. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1215. I get lifted upCopy !req
1216. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1217. I get lifted upCopy !req
1218. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1219. I get lifted upCopy !req
1220. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1221. Hey, everybody,
I'm Dave Chappelle.Copy !req
1222. if you want to learn more about
marijuana or other illegal substances,Copy !req
1223. go to your local library.Copy !req
1224. - Remember, the more you read—
- The smarter you are.Copy !req
1225. Yea!Copy !req
1226. All right, man.Copy !req
1227. Subtitles Provided By
Captions, lnc. Los AngelesCopy !req