1. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req
2. Wait, oneCopy !req
3. Wait, twoCopy !req
4. ThreeCopy !req
5. Hey. What's up, everybody?Copy !req
6. I'm Thurgood Jenkins.
You know, it's funny,Copy !req
7. but I can trace the entire path
of my life to one childhood memory.Copy !req
8. My last clear memory, really.Copy !req
9. You see, it was the summer
before ninth grade.Copy !req
10. It was me, Brian, Kenny,
Scarface...Copy !req
11. and of course
the loveable Old James.Copy !req
12. Oh, hold on. Wait a minute.
Old James— Old James wasn't there.Copy !req
13. I don't even know nobody named
Old James. Shoot. Go on!Copy !req
14. - Why don't you
light it up there, brother?
- All right. Here goes nothin'.Copy !req
15. I don't remember graduatin'.
And my first sexual experience—
I don't remember that either.Copy !req
16. But, man, I will never forget
the first time I smoked...Copy !req
17. that sweet, sweet chiva.Copy !req
18. - Feel anything?
- Yeah, I feel my chest cavin' in.Copy !req
19. - This stuff
didn't even work.
- Man!Copy !req
20. Come on. Let's get some candy
and get out of here, B.Copy !req
21. I've heard people say
they don't get high
the first time they smoke.Copy !req
22. Not me. Oh, not us.Copy !req
23. We were really, really high.Copy !req
24. We was toe up!Copy !req
25. - Do you guys feel different?
- A little.Copy !req
26. How 'bout you, Scarface?Copy !req
27. How you doin', Kenny? Kenny?Copy !req
28. I haven't been so thirsty
in my entire life.Copy !req
29. Do you guys hear that?Copy !req
30. Feels like Jerry Garcia's in my head.
Am I goin' crazy?Copy !req
31. We look at that
day as the day we met the fifth
member of our crew— marijuana!Copy !req
32. Oh, Lord, we was hooked!Copy !req
33. So, now we all live together
in New York.Copy !req
34. I myself am a master
of the custodial arts,Copy !req
35. or a janitor if you want
to be a dick about it.Copy !req
36. Anyway, I work at this lab,
Frankensense and Burr Pharmaceutical.Copy !req
37. They do pharmaceutical testing
for the government...Copy !req
38. and big corporations and—Copy !req
39. And I am
the happiest custodian alive.Copy !req
40. This job... sucks.Copy !req
41. Abba-Zabba,Copy !req
42. you my only friend.Copy !req
43. Ah, it could be worse.
I could have Scarface's job.Copy !req
44. - Heifer with cheese.
- You son of a bitch,
I'm right behind you!Copy !req
45. Turn around and ask me
for Heifer with cheese, yo!Copy !req
46. Why you gotta make me feel inferior
'cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!Copy !req
47. - Scarface is kind
of a hyper guy for a pothead.
- Sorry.Copy !req
48. Kenny is probably doin'
the best out of all of us.Copy !req
49. He's a kindergarten teacher
at some school downtown,Copy !req
50. which I know might scare a lot
of parents, seeing as how he's
a weedhead and all.Copy !req
51. But let me tell you, man,
that guy does wonders for those
children's self-esteem.Copy !req
52. - Thank you.
- Oh, I love you so much, little one.Copy !req
53. All of you. All of you. It's so good.Copy !req
54. - Brian works
at a new and used record store.
- Hi.Copy !req
55. - He gets to talk about music all day.
- I got a used Kenny Loggins album.Copy !req
56. Perfect job for a stoner.Copy !req
57. Lady, you want seven bucks
for a used Kenny Loggins record?Copy !req
58. - I'll give you five.
- Uh-uh. He autographed it himself.Copy !req
59. All right,
I'll give you four.Copy !req
60. Jan, stop it, man.Copy !req
61. As far as herb goes, you can
get it all over this town.Copy !req
62. I mean, they might call it the city that
never sleeps, but I'll tell you this:Copy !req
63. - It takes a lot of fuckin' weed naps.
- Free!Copy !req
64. You can get the stuff at little
corner stores called bodegas.Copy !req
65. Say it with me:Copy !req
66. Yes, very good.Copy !req
67. - These places always have
incredibly old products.
- Como esta, fellas?Copy !req
68. - Hey-Hey.
- But the weed ain't bad.Copy !req
69. - Let me get four dime bags.
- Uh, I don't have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
70. Jose, you crazy, man. He's crazy.
Come on, man. Let me get them dimes.Copy !req
71. See, the problem with bodegas
is they never remember you.Copy !req
72. You always have to do something
extreme to let 'em know you're cool.Copy !req
73. Hey, fellas. Y'all know me.
Come on, now. Look at this.Copy !req
74. Hey, black ass. Why you
didn't moon us earlier, eh?Copy !req
75. It was a little degrading.Copy !req
76. if you desperate, you can get it from
the Rastas at Washington Square Park,Copy !req
77. but their stuff ain't even weed
most the time.Copy !req
78. I don't fall
for that shit anymore.Copy !req
79. Then there's a delivery service run
by a guy named Samson Simpson.Copy !req
80. Now, when you can afford it,
this is the best way.Copy !req
81. I mean, you can get anything
you want, from weed to heroin.Copy !req
82. Now, I don't do drugs, though.
Just weed.Copy !req
83. Coming.Copy !req
84. See, all you have to do is call
them up, and a half hour later,Copy !req
85. you got a delivery guy
at your house.Copy !req
86. What a country!Copy !req
87. Hi, you called about your plumbing?
Empty pipes?Copy !req
88. - Secret code.
- Come on in.Copy !req
89. - You want highs, mediums or lows?
- How are the highs, man?Copy !req
90. I say they got a piney taste, almost
minty. Notice the little red hairs.Copy !req
91. - Yeah.
- And the rich greenery?Copy !req
92. - I see those.
- And it's definitely the highest
grade hydroponics in the city.Copy !req
93. What, did you go
to weed college? Damn, nigger.Copy !req
94. All right.
Give me a 50 bag of that.Copy !req
95. - Been a pleasure.
- Pleasure's all mine.Copy !req
96. - Tell Samson I said hello, would ya?
- Sure thing.Copy !req
97. Now, everybody has
their own little ritual
when it comes to smokin'.Copy !req
98. - Dope has arrived, fellas.
- And we were no different.Copy !req
99. - Break out Billy Bong Thornton.
- Yeah.Copy !req
100. Whoo!Copy !req
101. Billy, good to see you, man.Copy !req
102. All right.
Light it up.Copy !req
103. Shoes off.Copy !req
104. Oh, Brian,
put yours back on, man.Copy !req
105. For real, amigo.
Do your sock laundry, yo.Copy !req
106. Gentlemen,
assume your positions.Copy !req
107. Yeah.Copy !req
108. Fire in the hole.Copy !req
109. We found it on the corner
So when we sayCopy !req
110. - Bip
- OxygenCopy !req
111. - Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm—
- Oh, bipCopy !req
112. Th-That's goodCopy !req
113. - Yo, who's on munchies tonight, yo?
- Not me.Copy !req
114. I guess that'd be me.Copy !req
115. What do you guys want?Copy !req
116. Get some...Copy !req
117. sour cream and onion chips...Copy !req
118. with some dip, man.Copy !req
119. Some beef jerky.
Some peanut butter.Copy !req
120. Get some Haagen Dazs
ice cream bars. A whole lot.Copy !req
121. Make sure chocolate.
Gotta have chocolate, man.Copy !req
122. Some popcorn. Bread. Popcorn.
Graham crackers.Copy !req
123. Graham crackers with the marshmallows,
the little marshmallows.Copy !req
124. And little chocolate bars.
We'll make some smores, man.Copy !req
125. Yeah, that's what
I was sayin', yo.Copy !req
126. Also celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch
with the little crunch berries.Copy !req
127. Pizzas.
We need two big pizzas, man.Copy !req
128. Everything on 'em.
With water, whole lot of water.Copy !req
129. And... Funyuns.Copy !req
130. Yeah.Copy !req
131. - That's it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
132. - Anything else?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
133. Get me a box of condoms,
and, um, what's that stuff?Copy !req
134. We used to eat it all the time
back in the day.Copy !req
135. - Pussy. That's right.
- You got it.Copy !req
136. - Thanks, man.
- Hey, hey!Copy !req
137. if I'm not back in ten minutes,
call the police.Copy !req
138. if he ain't back
in ten minutes,Copy !req
139. we callin' Domino's.Copy !req
140. - I'm hungry, man.
- All right, yo.Copy !req
141. Hey, girl.Copy !req
142. - You hungry?
- Fuck you, nigger!Copy !req
143. - Hey, I'm sorry.
- I was talkin' to the horse.Copy !req
144. See the trouble
you're gettin' me into?Copy !req
145. You're hungry,
aren't ya? Here.Copy !req
146. You like popcorn.Copy !req
147. It makes your teeth go
pop, pop, pop.Copy !req
148. This is Buster Phillips, and coming
in at number eight, like El Nino,Copy !req
149. "Samson Gets Me Lifted," by my
main man— Who? Sir Smoka Lot.Copy !req
150. Ha!Copy !req
151. This guy is weed crazy.
Look at that.Copy !req
152. - What do you want, Master?
- Bitch, you know what I want.Copy !req
153. I wanna talk to SamsonCopy !req
154. Fly me to the moon like
that bitch Alice KramdenCopy !req
155. 'Cause it's hard bein'
black and giftedCopy !req
156. Sometimes I wanna throw it
all down and get liftedCopy !req
157. That is so cool, man.Copy !req
158. - He got the same dealer as us.
- What you mean?Copy !req
159. - Samson.
- Oh, right.Copy !req
160. Everybody knows in my neighborhood
it's the bestest aroundCopy !req
161. Samson's shit is blessed
Got the whole town on lockdownCopy !req
162. That's where
I want to live. Right there.Copy !req
163. Think about this shit
pleaseCopy !req
164. I'm all out.Copy !req
165. I'm all out of food.
You ate it all.Copy !req
166. Gee, you must've been
so hungry.Copy !req
167. Uh-oh.Copy !req
168. Buttercup! Buttercup!Copy !req
169. I need
an ambulance, now! Officer down.Copy !req
170. I repeat:
Officer down!Copy !req
171. What the hell
did you give my Buttercup?Copy !req
172. I just gave him some candy
and some chips...Copy !req
173. and some pink popcorn
and some Funyuns—Copy !req
174. This horse is a diabetic!Copy !req
175. Buttercup. Buttercup.Copy !req
176. Don't you leave me.
Breathe, Buttercup.Copy !req
177. - Breathe.
- Breathe. Breathe.Copy !req
178. Why?Copy !req
179. - Why?
- Why?Copy !req
180. - You're under arrest.
- What?Copy !req
181. - You dumb son of a bitch!
- No!Copy !req
182. I'm a— I'm a peaceful man.Copy !req
183. - I'm a schoolteacher!
- Shut up! You're a cop killer.Copy !req
184. Cop killer?
I love horses.Copy !req
185. - I love horses.
- I love horses.Copy !req
186. - I love buttered stuff.
- Buttercup.Copy !req
187. - Say it.
- Butter nuts.Copy !req
188. - Cup. Cup.
- Cup. Cup.Copy !req
189. Why must you rage?
Stop the hate, child.Copy !req
190. Bail is set at one million
dollars for the crime of killing
an officer of the law.Copy !req
191. And may God have mercy
on your soul, young man.Copy !req
192. - Court is adjourned.
- Back to your cells. Lockdown.Copy !req
193. Good night, Fish.Copy !req
194. Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish!Copy !req
195. My weed's wearing off.Copy !req
196. - Guess who?
- Yo. Psst. Thurgood.Copy !req
197. - Hey, nigger, what time is it?
- It's 8:30.Copy !req
198. Kenny didn't come home last night.
We are worried, man.Copy !req
199. - Word, yo.
- Where the hell is he?Copy !req
200. Did he just move?Copy !req
201. Kenny called. He's in jail.Copy !req
202. He didn't leave
a number.Copy !req
203. Sincerely,
The Guy on the couch.Copy !req
204. Come on, guys. We gotta get Kenny
out of jail, man.Copy !req
205. Hey, Kenny. How they
treatin' you in there?Copy !req
206. Let's just say I'm not gettin'
the respect a cop killer deserves.Copy !req
207. All right, time's up.Copy !req
208. I was up all night
getting harassed.Copy !req
209. - Hi, there, Fish.
- See what I mean?Copy !req
210. I think they're mistakin'
my kindness for weakness. I'm scared.Copy !req
211. Hey, Kenny, we're gonna get you
out of there, man.Copy !req
212. All we gotta do is raise ten percent
of one million, yo.Copy !req
213. - Which, by our calculations—
- Is fucking impossible, man!Copy !req
214. Hey!Copy !req
215. Sorry, man. I'm sorry.Copy !req
216. All my life,
I did everything right.Copy !req
217. I never screwed up.
I fed the horse.Copy !req
218. I didn't know it was a diabetic.
I'm scared.Copy !req
219. Kenny, stop crying.
Stop crying, Kenny. Look at me.Copy !req
220. Come on. Don't let them
see you cry in there.Copy !req
221. - Come on, man. Show me your mean face.
- No.Copy !req
222. Yes, show me
your mean face, Kenny.Copy !req
223. That's good.Copy !req
224. I mean, work on it a little bit,
but it's good.Copy !req
225. Kenny, how long
can you make it in there?Copy !req
226. I don't know.
Maybe 5:00... 6:30.Copy !req
227. Come on, man. It's gotta be
a little longer than that.Copy !req
228. But-But— But we'll get you out,
right, guys?Copy !req
229. - Yeah, you're out. You're out of here.
- Free as a bird.Copy !req
230. Number nine, time's up!Copy !req
231. - Time's up, number nine.
- That's me.Copy !req
232. Let's go.Copy !req
233. I love you guys.Copy !req
234. Have fun, Ken.Copy !req
235. Weed out there, yo.Copy !req
236. He looked all right, man.Copy !req
237. They gonna kill
him in there, yo.Copy !req
238. Hey, lady.
Miss, is this your purse?Copy !req
239. - Yes.
- I'm sexy.Copy !req
240. I'm a scholar.Copy !req
241. - People like me.
- Give it to me.Copy !req
242. - Bye.
- Hey, where you goin' ?Copy !req
243. - I'm leaving.
- Well, uh, can I leave with ya?Copy !req
244. Follow me.Copy !req
245. And your name is?Copy !req
246. - Mary Jane.
- Really?Copy !req
247. Yes. So what's up
with this?Copy !req
248. - Is that your work uniform?
- Nah, this is my costume.Copy !req
249. Tomorrow I'll be a cowboy,
the day after that an lndian.Copy !req
250. Every day of the week, I dress up
like a different Village Person.Copy !req
251. It's a thing I'm into.Copy !req
252. Nah, I'm a custodian.
So, what are you here for?Copy !req
253. - Possession of narcotics.
- Wow.Copy !req
254. - My father's a drug dealer.
- Wow, that must've been the shit.Copy !req
255. - It ruined his life.
- That must've been shitty.Copy !req
256. I don't do drugs.
Drugs make me sick.Copy !req
257. They're bad for your body.
Up with hope, down with dope.Copy !req
258. Thurgood. Come on, man.
We gotta go.Copy !req
259. Get on the train.
Toke up before we go to work.Copy !req
260. Yo, let's go, B.Copy !req
261. - What are you doing, man?
- Bouncy. Body.Copy !req
262. Is that Prell?
Do you use Prell?Copy !req
263. Yeah. That's what
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
264. Hey, guys. Meet Mary Jane.Copy !req
265. That's what he's sayin'.
We wanna burn one.Copy !req
266. No, no.
This is Mary Jane.Copy !req
267. Meet her. Say hello to her.
Shake her hand even.Copy !req
268. - Oh, my fault. What's up?
- Hi.Copy !req
269. - All right.
- Hey.Copy !req
270. Listen, do you guys need a ride?
I have a car.Copy !req
271. - You don't have to take the subway.
- Wow, you smoke?Copy !req
272. - No, my grandmother died
of lung cancer.
- I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
273. Well, that's all the more
reason to toke up, man. Ease the pain.Copy !req
274. Ah! What I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
275. You know, I think what they're tryin'
to say is we'd love a ride home.Copy !req
276. Great.Copy !req
277. - What the hell's wrong with y'all?
- She looked good.Copy !req
278. - Mary Jane! What is that about, man?
- I hate y'all.Copy !req
279. Shotgun!Copy !req
280. - Hey, thanks for this ride.
We really appreciate it.
- Sure.Copy !req
281. Guys, shut up about the weed
for two seconds. I don't want
this girl to know I smoke.Copy !req
282. Yeah, it's bad enough
you're a janitor, yo.Copy !req
283. Custodian, dick.Copy !req
284. - Hey!
- Hey.Copy !req
285. It's really realCopy !req
286. It's really realCopy !req
287. Said they're lookin'
for brains, guts, looks and skillsCopy !req
288. - Step on up if you think
you fit the bill
- YeahCopy !req
289. I know what you look like
but looks can be deceivin'Copy !req
290. Let me check the brain
so I can justify the reasonCopy !req
291. - Yeah
- MisterCopy !req
292. This good for ya?Copy !req
293. Could you drop me
in the lobby? It's perfect.Copy !req
294. I could feel
she wanted me to say something.Copy !req
295. I had to make my move
while the guys were asleep.Copy !req
296. I'm real bad at this, but you think
sometime we could get together,Copy !req
297. maybe go out for some ice cream
or something?Copy !req
298. Motherfucker said, "ice cream" !Copy !req
299. - Damn.
- Okay!Copy !req
300. - All the boys in the car
need to get out.
- Such a dork, man.Copy !req
301. - I'm talkin' to you.
- Thanks a lot, fellas.Copy !req
302. - Thanks for the ride.
- Thurgood!Copy !req
303. - I knew it!
- You forgot your hat.Copy !req
304. I knew it.Copy !req
305. You know, I might've came on too strong
with the whole ice cream thing.Copy !req
306. Let me just give you my number.
Is that cool?Copy !req
307. - Okay.
- All right.Copy !req
308. Now, don't call too late, 'cause you
know I be strippin' in the evenings.Copy !req
309. Joking!Copy !req
310. Here you go.
You can call me anytime you want.Copy !req
311. - Maybe.
- "Maybe" is an acceptable answer.Copy !req
312. It's that "no" thing that gets me.
Maybe I'll hear from you.Copy !req
313. - Bye.
- Be thinkin' about you.Copy !req
314. Dr. Kablecki,
please report to Clinical Studies.Copy !req
315. Dr. Kablecki.Copy !req
316. Janitor? Janitor?Copy !req
317. Aaah!Copy !req
318. Sorry about that.
What is it, scientist?Copy !req
319. Could you, uh— I know this
isn't your responsibility,Copy !req
320. but would you be a dear and run
this down to the supply department?Copy !req
321. - It's on the second floor.
- Just run this down?Copy !req
322. Yes. But make sure you bring
the order right back to me.Copy !req
323. I need it A.S.A.P.Copy !req
324. Got ya. I know this
isn't your responsibility,
but mop the rest of this shit up.Copy !req
325. I'll be right back.Copy !req
326. What it smell like? Smell like—Copy !req
327. No.Copy !req
328. No. I smell weed, man.Copy !req
329. Hey. Here you go.Copy !req
330. - This all you need?
- I guess. I don't know.Copy !req
331. - Just a sec.
- Okay.Copy !req
332. Damn.Copy !req
333. Either someone's having a party, or
somebody gotta do their shirt laundry.Copy !req
334. Here you go.Copy !req
335. One pound of marijuana,
and you can sign for it right here.Copy !req
336. I— I sign for this,
and it's mine?Copy !req
337. And I take it?Copy !req
338. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
339. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
340. Some good shit.Copy !req
341. Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank... you.Copy !req
342. Look, here's— here's a little
something for your troubles.Copy !req
343. - Thank you. Thank you.
- Shh!Copy !req
344. Let's not tell anyone
about it, okay?Copy !req
345. Sure. Shh.Copy !req
346. Hey, why didn't you tell me
you were into this shit?Copy !req
347. - We could've been hangin' out
months ago.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
348. The Food and Drug Administration are
having us do a study to determine what,Copy !req
349. if any, are the medicinal purposes
of marijuana.Copy !req
350. Mmm. Wow.Copy !req
351. if you ever need
a guinea pig, let me know.Copy !req
352. My grandfather was
in the Tuskegee experiments.Copy !req
353. Oh, really?Copy !req
354. Anyway, thank you,
janitor. Enjoy.Copy !req
355. Thank you, scientist.
Got any papers?Copy !req
356. No cocktail party would be
complete without the ice plant.Copy !req
357. Hey, fellas.
What's goin' on?Copy !req
358. - What's up?
- Nothin', man.Copy !req
359. Bummin', thinkin' about Kenny.Copy !req
360. Yeah.Copy !req
361. I got some weed at work today,
if y'all wanna try it out.Copy !req
362. Nah, yo. We don't feel like
smokin' right now.Copy !req
363. Me neither. Me neither.Copy !req
364. - So, y'all want to smoke?
- I'll get Billy Bong Thornton.Copy !req
365. - That's what I'm talkin' about.
- No, Scarface.Copy !req
366. No Billy Bong Thornton
without Kenny.Copy !req
367. That would not be right, man.
Use Wesley Pipes. Yeah.Copy !req
368. Man, they got whole bunch
of this stuff at work.Copy !req
369. One of those scientists
gave it to me.Copy !req
370. Ain't tried the shit out yet,
but it smells like the bomb.Copy !req
371. - All right.
- Yeah, man. Yeah.Copy !req
372. I'll do the honors.Copy !req
373. - Excuse me.
- Please do.Copy !req
374. Yo, this shit
must be good, B.Copy !req
375. My man ain't coughed like
that since back in the day.Copy !req
376. You sure I should
do this, man?Copy !req
377. Oh, yeah. That shit made
my head hot.Copy !req
378. Oh, man.Copy !req
379. Pass it this way.
Don't break the cipher.Copy !req
380. Oh— hold it.
I gotta give The Guy some of this.Copy !req
381. The Guy gotta taste this.Copy !req
382. - Yeah.
- Hey, Guy.Copy !req
383. Hey, man. Sorry to wake you,
but you gotta try this.Copy !req
384. I'm takin' it slow, man.Copy !req
385. Hey, who's
on munchies tonight?Copy !req
386. We should make
that lazy bitch, The Guy, go.Copy !req
387. For real. I don't know about y'all,
but I can't even move.Copy !req
388. Real, B, right?Copy !req
389. It's like
I feel stuck here, yo.Copy !req
390. I'm glued to the floor.Copy !req
391. You guys feel
like you're floating?Copy !req
392. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
393. - Wanna go outside?
- Yeah.Copy !req
394. I don't need to
tell you this, but this weed was...Copy !req
395. the shiz-nittle-bam
snip-snap-sack!Copy !req
396. - Look!
- Wow, look at that!Copy !req
397. Hey, you guys.Copy !req
398. Let's go check in
on Kenny, huh?Copy !req
399. You're not a fish. You're a man.Copy !req
400. You're not a fish.
You're a man.Copy !req
401. Where did that come from?Copy !req
402. We've really gotta get
this guy out of jail.Copy !req
403. You walk around
on both legs, homo erectus!Copy !req
404. Did I say "homo" ?
I didn't mean that!Copy !req
405. Thurgood!
Thurgood!Copy !req
406. I got it! I know how
we could get Kenny out.Copy !req
407. - How?
- Weed, man.Copy !req
408. We'll sell weed.Copy !req
409. Man, you can't up
and decide to sell weed.Copy !req
410. You gotta know people to plug you
into that kind of thing.Copy !req
411. - I do!
- Who you know?Copy !req
412. - You, yo.
- Me?Copy !req
413. What, you think I can just walk in
and take this shit?Copy !req
414. I gotta— I gotta get
a form from a scientist.Copy !req
415. Well, how hard can it be, man?
There's gotta be forms laying around.Copy !req
416. I mean,
they are scientists.Copy !req
417. What the fuck
are you talkin' about, man?Copy !req
418. Look, I'm not stealin' weed.
We are not sellin' weed.Copy !req
419. We are three
reasonably bright young men.Copy !req
420. - Bully, man.
- Word, yo.Copy !req
421. There has got to be a legitimate way
to come up with this money.Copy !req
422. We just gotta think.
That's all that is.Copy !req
423. Hmm.Copy !req
424. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
425. Wait. Wait.
I think I got an idea.Copy !req
426. Why don't we sell that shit
we smoked the other night, yo?Copy !req
427. - Yeah.
- You suggested that already.Copy !req
428. For real, B?Copy !req
429. Marijuana affects the memory.Copy !req
430. It won't take us
hardly any time, B.Copy !req
431. - Too risky, man.
- Stop bein' such a wussy, yo.Copy !req
432. - What other choice do we have, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
433. Okay, fine. Fine.
We'll do it.Copy !req
434. - Yeah.
- Gonna do it till Kenny's out,
and we're done.Copy !req
435. We're not drug dealers.
We're fund-raisers.Copy !req
436. - Of course, B.
- Bully, man.Copy !req
437. Okay.Copy !req
438. Scarface, lay it
on me, brother.Copy !req
439. Check it out, yo.
It's like this.Copy !req
440. Scarface's plan wasn't that bad.Copy !req
441. - Hey, good night, Mike.
- See you tomorrow.Copy !req
442. Good night.Copy !req
443. All I had to do was get forms from that
scientist that kept calling me janitor,Copy !req
444. forge one of the forms and put
the order in like I did before.Copy !req
445. - Thank you.
- Then we scraped together
what little money we had...Copy !req
446. and bought bikes
to help us move the product,Copy !req
447. then stapled samples of our weed
on the back of our business cards.Copy !req
448. Then we called the company Mr. Nice Guy
in honor of our friend Kenny.Copy !req
449. Hey, uh, you guys believe
in angels or—Copy !req
450. Man, give me
your fruit cocktail.Copy !req
451. Well, I can't.Copy !req
452. if I did that, then I'd have
to give it to you every day,Copy !req
453. and I won't get
all my vitamins.Copy !req
454. - Do you know who you're dealing with?
- Chill, Nasty Nate.Copy !req
455. He's my bitch. Anybody gonna
stab him, it's gonna be me.Copy !req
456. You got a problem with that?Copy !req
457. Watch your back, Fish, 'cause
Squirrel Master ain't gonna be
there for you all the time.Copy !req
458. 'Cause next time I come for you,
I'm gonna want some cocktail— fruit.Copy !req
459. Take it.Copy !req
460. I'm somebody's bitch.Copy !req
461. You guys gotta do something.
There's this guy Nasty Nate
who's after my cocktail fruit,Copy !req
462. and everyone here
likes fresh fish.Copy !req
463. And then the Squirrel Master came out
of left field and told me I'm his bitch.Copy !req
464. - Help!
- Ken, listen. We got a plan.Copy !req
465. - What is it?
- It's not the most honest plan.
You might not like it.Copy !req
466. - We gonna sell weed, yo.
- Yeah, great. Weed. Good. Go.Copy !req
467. - All right, man.
- Go!Copy !req
468. No more window love.
Go and sell it.Copy !req
469. We figured the best way to
spread the word was to hit the streets.Copy !req
470. And hit the streets we did.Copy !req
471. - Mary Jane
- How y'all feel about Mary JaneCopy !req
472. - Y'all don't know about Mary Jane
- Mary JaneCopy !req
473. So listen to what they say
'cause Mary never could tripCopy !req
474. Mary very, very necessary
Extraordinary bein' MaryCopy !req
475. To the mortuary, One kiss from
her sweet lips and out come a-visionCopy !req
476. Three for dinner.Copy !req
477. Smoke that
and get back to us.Copy !req
478. Mr. Nice Guy has arrived, baby.
He's on.Copy !req
479. - All right.
- I'm in love with Mary Jane
I'm not the only oneCopy !req
480. - Oh, yes.
- Mary likes to play aroundCopy !req
481. Look at all these people!Copy !req
482. All right, guys. Be quick.
Let's just do this and get out of here.Copy !req
483. - Let's go, man.
- Let's go.
- It's money.Copy !req
484. Mary likes to spread her loveCopy !req
485. And turn my head aroundCopy !req
486. I'm in love with Mary JaneCopy !req
487. She is my main thing
She make me feel all rightCopy !req
488. - She make my heart sing
- All right, how'd you guys make out?Copy !req
489. - Good. I'm all out of cards, B.
- Me too.Copy !req
490. That would make three of us.Copy !req
491. All right.
We did our part, right?Copy !req
492. I just hope they smoke it.Copy !req
493. - if you love me, Mary Jane
- Mary JaneCopy !req
494. We're talkin' about Mary JaneCopy !req
495. How y'all feel about Mary JaneCopy !req
496. - Mary Jane
- She's my main thingCopy !req
497. - We're talkin' about Mary Jane
- Damn, this weed is good.Copy !req
498. - Y'all don't know about Mary Jane
- Mary JaneCopy !req
499. She make my heart singCopy !req
500. - This is so—
- We are in business, man.Copy !req
501. Hold on. Hold on.Copy !req
502. - Mr. Nice Guy.
- Oh, I may have the wrong number.Copy !req
503. Um, is Thurgood around?Copy !req
504. - Speaking.
- Oh, hey, hey. It's Mary Jane.Copy !req
505. Do you remember? I gave you
a ride home from prison?Copy !req
506. Well, could you be
a little more specific?Copy !req
507. I get so many rides home
from prison.Copy !req
508. That was a joke.Copy !req
509. Oh.Copy !req
510. What happened? I didn't think
you were gonna call me.Copy !req
511. Well, I wasn't, but then I decided
I don't care what my friends think.Copy !req
512. See, that was a joke.
Get it?Copy !req
513. - A little joke.
- Not funny.Copy !req
514. So, you wanna
get together?Copy !req
515. Okay. Sure. When?Copy !req
516. How 'bout right now? Just meet me
at the place you dropped us off at.Copy !req
517. Okay. Can you give me
half an hour?Copy !req
518. - Yeah, half an hour's cool.
- Great.Copy !req
519. - All right. Okay.
- I'll see you there.Copy !req
520. - Bye.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
521. I've got a date with Mary Jane!Copy !req
522. - Word, yo?
- Yes!Copy !req
523. - All right, man.
- Y'all got money?Copy !req
524. The date couldn't
have come at a worse time.Copy !req
525. I was flat broke.Copy !req
526. All my money was tied up
in our drug-dealing venture.Copy !req
527. I only had eight bucks.
This was gonna take some careful
budgeting and maneuvering.Copy !req
528. - Hey.
- Watch the master at work.Copy !req
529. - You look great. You look wonderful.
- Thank you.Copy !req
530. You know what? I was thinkin'
it's so nice out,Copy !req
531. wanna go for a walk?Copy !req
532. Yeah, sure.
We can go for a walk.Copy !req
533. Good. Good. Let's.Copy !req
534. So far, so good.Copy !req
535. Three hours and 14 miles later,
I hadn't spent one penny.Copy !req
536. Damn, I was good!Copy !req
537. - And then it happened.
- I'm hungry too.Copy !req
538. - Hey, you wanna
eat at the Happy Palace?
- Uh, how 'bout a hot dog, huh?Copy !req
539. - Hey, what luck.
- Hot dog.Copy !req
540. - Hey, what can I get you?
- Could I have a hot dog
with ketchup and sauerkraut?Copy !req
541. - Sauerkraut's 50 cents extra.
- Damn!Copy !req
542. I've not had a hot dog
in so long.Copy !req
543. - Come on. Let's get out of here.
- Anything to drink?Copy !req
544. - You son of a bitch!
- Yes. Could I have a Pepsi, please?Copy !req
545. - Anything for you, sir?
- No. I'm fine. Thank you.Copy !req
546. - Greedy bastard!
- Didn't you promise me
ice cream the other day?Copy !req
547. I know a really
good place uptown.Copy !req
548. Great. Let's hoof it.Copy !req
549. Um, do you mind if we take
a cab this time?Copy !req
550. Sure.Copy !req
551. Thanks a lot, buddy.Copy !req
552. You should be happy
with the tip I gave you. Damn.Copy !req
553. - You should be kissing my ass.
- You guys are greedy.Copy !req
554. Best ice cream in town.Copy !req
555. - Spare change for some food?
- Oh.Copy !req
556. - Don't mind if I do.
- Thanks, young brother.Copy !req
557. No, thank you.Copy !req
558. - Mmm. Mmm-mmm.
- Yeah, I mean, I do miss my dad.Copy !req
559. But... he deserves
to be where he is.Copy !req
560. Drug dealers belong
in jail.Copy !req
561. Yeah. Yeah, wow.Copy !req
562. Yeah. Um, how long
he been in there?Copy !req
563. - Four years next month.
- Four years.Copy !req
564. - And what exactly was he sellin' ?
- Marijuana.Copy !req
565. Four years
just for weed? Damn!Copy !req
566. Just? No, no, no, no.
Not just.Copy !req
567. Marijuana is terrible.
It's a gateway drug.Copy !req
568. I mean, everybody knows
that it leads to other stuff.Copy !req
569. Yeah, mostly junk food.Copy !req
570. You don't smoke weed, do you?Copy !req
571. Come on, Mary Jane.Copy !req
572. I mean, do I look like somebody
that would smoke... marijuana?Copy !req
573. So you swear you don't?Copy !req
574. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
575. Okay, well, swear on this banana split
that you don't do marijuana.Copy !req
576. What? Oh, my God.Copy !req
577. Do you swear?Copy !req
578. Yes, Mary Jane. I swear.Copy !req
579. That you got pretty eyes.Copy !req
580. That's good.Copy !req
581. That's real good.Copy !req
582. I got some booty. I got some booty.
I got some booty.Copy !req
583. It was really good too.Copy !req
584. Ooh, she was a giver,
a caring nurturer.Copy !req
585. She held me in her arms, and it was
like I was 15 years old all over again.Copy !req
586. I was hooked on Mary Jane.Copy !req
587. The next mornin' the phones blew up like
we were havin' a fuckin' telethon, man.Copy !req
588. Everybody in New York was callin'
to get down with Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
589. We met all kinds of customers,
like this guy here.Copy !req
590. He's what we call
an enhancement smoker,Copy !req
591. 'cause he thinks marijuana
makes every activity that much better.Copy !req
592. - Mi casa es su casa.
- Observe.Copy !req
593. - You're Scarface, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
594. I love Al Pacino, man.Copy !req
595. - Did you ever see Scent of a Woman?
- Yep.Copy !req
596. Did you ever see
Scent of a Woman... on weed?Copy !req
597. That's the way to see it, man!
It's just whacked! Pow!Copy !req
598. - Sixty bucks, yo.
- That's cool, man.Copy !req
599. I got it. I got it.Copy !req
600. - Did you ever see
the back of a $20 bill, man?
- Man, I don't know, yo.Copy !req
601. Did you ever see the back
of a $20 bill... on weed?Copy !req
602. Oh, there's some weird shit
in there, man!Copy !req
603. There's a dude sittin' in the bushes.
Does he have a gun?Copy !req
604. I don't know, man.
What? What?Copy !req
605. Red team go. Red team go.Copy !req
606. - Just some weird shit, man.
- Man, you're fuckin' crazy, yo.Copy !req
607. - Take your shit.
- No, that's cool. Thanks, man.Copy !req
608. Hey, yo, wait! Dude, I'm gonna
check out the stars later.Copy !req
609. It's really trippy.
Especially on weed, man.Copy !req
610. A scavenger smoker is
someone who never has weed of their own.Copy !req
611. But as soon as you smoke it,
here they come.Copy !req
612. - Damn!
- What up?
- Man!Copy !req
613. What's up, dogs? Scoot over.
Let me get in here, man.Copy !req
614. - What y'all doin'?
- Nothin'.Copy !req
615. - Nothin'?
- Yeah, just chillin'.Copy !req
616. What's the matter?
Let me inhale it. Let me have some.Copy !req
617. All right, man.
Just one hit, you scavenger.Copy !req
618. Always come around.Copy !req
619. Can't even smoke weed
in peace.Copy !req
620. I ain't even into the
motherfucker yet. Back up, brother.Copy !req
621. You know we sell this?
I don't know if you knew that.Copy !req
622. It's too bad, man.
I just stopped smokin' yesterday.Copy !req
623. I'm gonna get up out of here.
Y'all stay up, now. Nice seeing y'all.Copy !req
624. - Yeah. Look at that shit.
- Man.Copy !req
625. Then there's the "You
Should've Been There" smoker.Copy !req
626. They love talkin' about the old days,
back when weed was grass.Copy !req
627. Hell, back in the '60s, we used to
smoke that shit on the street.Copy !req
628. Cops didn't say nothin'.
Hell, they was gettin' high too.
Everybody was doin' it.Copy !req
629. - Mm.
- It wasn't the thing to do because
it was the thing to do, you know?Copy !req
630. It was the thing to do
because it got you high.Copy !req
631. - Can you dig?
- I feel ya. That's why I'm doin' it.Copy !req
632. I feel it. Man, you're cool
as shit, mister.Copy !req
633. I hate to do it, but I gotta
charge you. That's 60 bucks.Copy !req
634. - Sixty bucks?
- Yeah.Copy !req
635. Man, I remember when a dime bag
cost a dime, you know what I mean?Copy !req
636. - You know how much condoms
used to cost in them days?
- How much?Copy !req
637. I don't know.
I— We never used 'em.Copy !req
638. We call this kid
the "After School Special" smoker.Copy !req
639. He spends all
of his allowance on reefer.Copy !req
640. Thanks, little buddy.Copy !req
641. Now, in the next room, his father,
an "I'm 40, But I'm Still Cool" smoker,Copy !req
642. is tokin' up, trying to figure
out a way to bond with his son.Copy !req
643. isn't that ironic?
Don't you think?Copy !req
644. 'Course across town, the kid's Nana's
smokin' up, tryin' to ease her glaucoma.Copy !req
645. And it's good
for arthritis too.Copy !req
646. We made over 20 grand
that first week, man.Copy !req
647. And because we were stealin' the weed,
not buyin' it, it was all profit.Copy !req
648. But if we were gonna save Kenny,
we had to deliver full-time.Copy !req
649. Scarface quit his job.Copy !req
650. Still waiting
on that Heifer, Julio.Copy !req
651. Fuck you. Fuck you.Copy !req
652. Fuck you. You're cool.Copy !req
653. And fuck you. I'm out!Copy !req
654. Brian was gonna quit,
but they fired him before he could.Copy !req
655. Don't worry. Don't worry.Copy !req
656. I'm not gonna do what
everyone thinks I'm gonna do:Copy !req
657. Flip out, man!Copy !req
658. All I wanna know is:
who's comin' with me?Copy !req
659. Who's comin', man?
Who's comin' with me?Copy !req
660. Huh? Who's comin' with me, man?Copy !req
661. - I will.
- Jan.Copy !req
662. Thank you, Jan. Yeah.Copy !req
663. That's what
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
664. Bully, man. Yeah.Copy !req
665. Jan, will you be
my girlfriend?Copy !req
666. I would... but I'm gay,
you know?Copy !req
667. - Ohh.
- I'm a big dyke.Copy !req
668. What's that like?Copy !req
669. - Thank you for calling.
- Thank you very much. Bye-bye.Copy !req
670. We had to hire that girl Jan
'cause she followed Brian.Copy !req
671. - But it actually worked out.
- Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
672. She was more organized than we were,
and she was willing to work for weed.Copy !req
673. All right, then.Copy !req
674. Mr. Nice Guy
was blowin' up, man.Copy !req
675. We got customers
from all over New York.Copy !req
676. - We even stole a few from Samson.
- Oh, what's up, nigger?Copy !req
677. Come on in, man.
Come on, weed man.Copy !req
678. Thanks, baby.Copy !req
679. Get on. Beat it.
You're scarin' him.Copy !req
680. Ha! Sir Smoka Lot.Copy !req
681. - What can I get you today, Smoka Lot?
- Love weed.Copy !req
682. Um, let me get a pound
of your sweetest chiva.Copy !req
683. Damn. Yes! Somethin' told me
to bring a lot of weed, man.Copy !req
684. Aw, shit. Pound
of my sweetest chiva.Copy !req
685. - Don't get no better than that.
- Can smell it through the bag.Copy !req
686. That's gonna be
9,600 bucks, bro.Copy !req
687. Let's see what I got here.Copy !req
688. Come on, man. Hang out
for a minute. Smoke with me.Copy !req
689. I got weed. I got my bong out.
Come on, son.Copy !req
690. For you, man,
I'll stay for a minute.Copy !req
691. But then I gotta be—
gotta be goin'.Copy !req
692. I understand.Copy !req
693. And Smoka Lot opened up to me like I
was Barbara Walters. It was ridiculous.Copy !req
694. - He told me about his lawyer.
- He had sex with my mama! Why?Copy !req
695. - His spirituality.
- God, if you listenin'... help!Copy !req
696. - His bad back.
- Doctor said I need a backeotomy.Copy !req
697. - His love life.
- I'm impotent, man.
Get away from me, bitch!Copy !req
698. - I mean, talk about a guy with problems.
- Tough break.Copy !req
699. - I can't take it no more.
- No wonder he smokes a pound a week.Copy !req
700. - Somebody?
- So now we had a famous clientele and—Copy !req
701. Greeneyes gonna miss ya.Copy !req
702. - And guess what else?
- Call me next week...
about weed, about weed.Copy !req
703. I got more booty!
I got more booty!Copy !req
704. I don't mean
to rub it in, folks.Copy !req
705. It's just that, you know,
I liked this so much, man.Copy !req
706. When I was with her,
I didn't even think about weed.Copy !req
707. - Didn't have to.
- Bye.Copy !req
708. She was all the Mary Jane I needed.Copy !req
709. When I was youngCopy !req
710. I never needed anyoneCopy !req
711. Makin' love
was just for funCopy !req
712. Those days are goneCopy !req
713. All by myselfCopy !req
714. What did I tell you, Nate?
Come on. Come on.Copy !req
715. Come on. Come on, Nate.Copy !req
716. He had to stay vigilant.Copy !req
717. - Wash off your han—
- Kenny's butthole
was in constant jeopardy.Copy !req
718. - But we were makin' money.
- Hey, what's up, mates?Copy !req
719. - What's up, man?
- What's up, boy?Copy !req
720. - What's up, yo?
- Nada. I'm just chillin'.Copy !req
721. Hey, guys. Why is there a dog
biting The Guy?Copy !req
722. - 'Cause I bought a dog, B.
- Bought a dog?Copy !req
723. - For how much?
- Oh, it's cool. Yo, he's used.Copy !req
724. lncluding the house,
it was only 250, yo.Copy !req
725. You spent $250
on a used dog?Copy !req
726. And a dog house, yo.
Brian bought something too.Copy !req
727. For $400, I got Jerry Garcia
in a pouch, man.Copy !req
728. - Who the hell told you that?
- The guy who sold it to me.
Barry Garcia.Copy !req
729. And what he's supposed to be?
Jerry Garcia's brother?Copy !req
730. No. Actually,
it's Andy Garcia's brother.Copy !req
731. Why the hell
are you guys spendin' money?
We're not drug dealers, remember?Copy !req
732. - We're fund-raisers.
- Well, you said you gave
Mary Jane a pearl necklace.Copy !req
733. - How much did that cost, man?
- Ah.Copy !req
734. You know, obviously you missed
the point of that story, Brian.Copy !req
735. - Come on, guys. Return this shit.
- We can't, yo.Copy !req
736. - Why am I tellin' Mary Jane
I don't have any money?
- 'Cause you're a fibber.Copy !req
737. No, because we don't
have any money.Copy !req
738. The money we do have
is not for spending.Copy !req
739. It's for saving Kenny's
sweet virgin ass, man!Copy !req
740. if you guys spend one more dime,
I swear I will bitch-slap you.Copy !req
741. Gimme that.Copy !req
742. Sorry for yelling.
But I'm serious.Copy !req
743. We gotta start
bein' more responsible and focused.Copy !req
744. All right? Let's be sharp.Copy !req
745. Scarface, your dog is mean, man.Copy !req
746. I know, all right.Copy !req
747. Somebody gotta do somethin'
about this shit right now.Copy !req
748. Mmm. Come here, doggie.Copy !req
749. Hey, little fella. Smell it?Copy !req
750. Hey! Smell it.
Okay. All right. Mm.Copy !req
751. Good boy.Copy !req
752. - He likes it.
- He loves it, man.Copy !req
753. - Of course he loves it.
- Yeah, your paws are tingling,
aren't they?Copy !req
754. Now you're one of us.Copy !req
755. Get it, Killer.Copy !req
756. - He likes it, yo.
- Yeah, man,
he really likes it.Copy !req
757. - Good for you, man.
- Man, what did you guys do to him, yo?Copy !req
758. - Nothin', man.
- Yo, Killer. Kill! Killer, kill!Copy !req
759. This weed is fantastic!Copy !req
760. We kept pluggin' away
with the weed deliveries,Copy !req
761. and we kept meetin' different kinds
of smokers, like this lady.Copy !req
762. - She's an "I'm Only Creative
if I Smoke" smoker.
- Hi.Copy !req
763. She believes weed, and only weed,
brings out the artist in her.Copy !req
764. - Would you like to hear
some of my poetry?
- Not really.Copy !req
765. You really should.Copy !req
766. I have killed.
I have helped kill.Copy !req
767. I have killed part of myself.
I cannot change this, I.Copy !req
768. I must seek Buddha.
I must seek Christ.Copy !req
769. You must seek therapy. That's what
I would go with, but that's my own—Copy !req
770. The MacGyver smoker
is a very handy guy to have around,Copy !req
771. especially when it comes
to reefer.Copy !req
772. Hey, man,
we're out of papers.Copy !req
773. All right. Then get me a toilet paper
roll, a corkscrew and some tin foil.Copy !req
774. We don't have a corkscrew.Copy !req
775. All right. Then get me an avocado,
an ice pick and my snorkel.Copy !req
776. Trust me, bro.
I've made bongs with less. Hurry up!Copy !req
777. - And then you got
your straight-up potheads.
- Ooh!Copy !req
778. You can spot these people
by their lack of motivation,Copy !req
779. mood swings, forgetfulness and,
of course, the dreaded low sperm count.Copy !req
780. I don't know
which one of these categories
we fall into, but I'll tell you this:Copy !req
781. We ain't no goddamn potheads.Copy !req
782. Hmm.Copy !req
783. Shit.Copy !req
784. Then you have
the avid nonsmoker.Copy !req
785. A lot of times they'll get
your number accidentally
from one of their girlfriends,Copy !req
786. call up and place an order
knowing they don't smoke weed...Copy !req
787. and request
that you personally deliver it.Copy !req
788. Then when you get there, they're
all mad that it's you sellin' weed.Copy !req
789. You smoke weed? At last
we can share everything.Copy !req
790. Get off me, you lying
son of a bitch! What is this?Copy !req
791. Looks like some sort
of a business card.Copy !req
792. Yeah, with your number on it.
You know, I can't believe this!Copy !req
793. I can't believe that I fell for another
one of you lowlife assholes again.Copy !req
794. - God, what is wrong with me?
- Hey—Copy !req
795. Hey, Mary Jane, I can explain
everything, all right?Copy !req
796. - Good-bye, Thurgood.
- Wait! Hold up!Copy !req
797. Hey, Mary Jane!Copy !req
798. Mary Jane, look, the only reason
I lied to you was because I like you...Copy !req
799. and I wanted
to be with you.Copy !req
800. Mary Jane.Copy !req
801. Knight Rider.Copy !req
802. A shadowy flight
into the dangerous world...Copy !req
803. of a man who does not exist.Copy !req
804. Thurgood, why the long face, man?Copy !req
805. - Mary Jane dumped me.
- Shh. Quiet down, yo.Copy !req
806. - Sir Smoka Lot's on TV.
- Cecil?Copy !req
807. When life is hard, I pick up
that card with the smiley faceCopy !req
808. Call him over to my placeCopy !req
809. Box it
Man, it gets you highCopy !req
810. And that's
when things started going wrong.Copy !req
811. Samson, it looks like somebody
is cuttin' into your business, baby.Copy !req
812. - Shit.
- Do you like what you see, Samson?Copy !req
813. Do I look like
I like what I see?Copy !req
814. Who is this
Mr. Nice Guy?Copy !req
815. I would imagine he's
some sort of drug dealer.Copy !req
816. Go get me this Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
817. I wanna sit him down
and ask him some questions.Copy !req
818. - Hey, Squirrel Master.
- Kenny.Copy !req
819. Listen, uh, I, uh,
just wanted to say thank you...Copy !req
820. for protecting me back there.Copy !req
821. - We didn't mind.
- Huh? Did we, Fuzzy Nuts?Copy !req
822. I hope there's some way I can pay
you back when we get on the outside.Copy !req
823. You better hurry up.
I get out in 11 days.Copy !req
824. Is that right?Copy !req
825. Kenny, 11 days?
That seems a little stiff, man.Copy !req
826. Eleven days, Thurgood,
I'm as good as skewered.Copy !req
827. Ever take your clothes off
and run backwards through a cornfield?Copy !req
828. - Ooh.
- Hurry, Thurgood.Copy !req
829. I'm countin' on you, man!
Please! Please!Copy !req
830. Eleven days wasn't
gonna give us much time.Copy !req
831. We really had to hustle, and
that meant takin' on new customers.Copy !req
832. Damn, B! I been set up.Copy !req
833. We'll get back to that in a second.Copy !req
834. But meanwhile I hadn't seen
Mary Jane in, like, a week.Copy !req
835. I couldn't stop thinkin'
about her, man. I missed her.Copy !req
836. Then I started thinkin' about
the fact that she was the only
girl I slept with in five years.Copy !req
837. Then I started thinkin' about the girl
I slept with before Mary Jane.Copy !req
838. I had to get Mary Jane back.Copy !req
839. What do you want?Copy !req
840. I want you back, Mary Jane.Copy !req
841. I miss you. I'll do whatever
it takes to get you back.Copy !req
842. I can't quit sellin' it yet,
but I'll quit smokin' it.Copy !req
843. if that's what you want, then—
then I'll change for you.Copy !req
844. - Heard that before.
- Said that before.Copy !req
845. But this time I mean it. I'm gonna
come back here. I'm gonna be clean.Copy !req
846. I'm gonna be sober.
There's no more weed, no more nothin'.Copy !req
847. Mary Jane, you'll see.
I'll be back. I'll be a changed man.Copy !req
848. There's a new
Thurgood Jenkins today.Copy !req
849. I love you.Copy !req
850. Man, that first day
of sobriety sucked.Copy !req
851. And I realized something:
I was a real irritable guy
when I wasn't smokin' marijuana.Copy !req
852. I couldn't stop thinkin'
about gettin' high.Copy !req
853. It was time to get help.Copy !req
854. Hi, everyone.
My name is Thurgood.Copy !req
855. - Hi, Thurgood.
- Hi.Copy !req
856. I'm here today because
I'm addicted... to marijuana.Copy !req
857. You in here because of marijuana?Copy !req
858. Marijuana?Copy !req
859. Man, this is some bullshit!Copy !req
860. Marijuana is not a drug.Copy !req
861. - I used to suck dick for coke.
- I seen him!Copy !req
862. And that's an addiction, man.Copy !req
863. - You ever suck dick for marijuana?
- Huh?Copy !req
864. - No. No, I can't say I have.
- I didn't think so.Copy !req
865. - Boo this man!
- Boo!Copy !req
866. No.Copy !req
867. No!Copy !req
868. No!Copy !req
869. Devil man.Copy !req
870. Devil— 666—
The mark of the beast!Copy !req
871. No! Naughty!Copy !req
872. Naughty jungle of love!Copy !req
873. - The man is serious.
- Calm down. How serious can it be?Copy !req
874. He wants to see Mr. Nice Guy.
He told me.Copy !req
875. Oh, man.Copy !req
876. No, yo!Copy !req
877. They killed Killer, B!Copy !req
878. Yo, Samson did this, man.Copy !req
879. Yo, he killed Killer, man.Copy !req
880. - Hey.
- He killed—Copy !req
881. I'm gonna call Brian.Copy !req
882. Let's just give him
a proper burial, all right?Copy !req
883. I'm sorry, man.Copy !req
884. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
885. - Oh! I'm sorry.
- Watch it, man!
You stepped on his head!Copy !req
886. I'm sorry.
I didn't even see him.Copy !req
887. I gotta smoke.
I have got to smoke.Copy !req
888. What happened, man?Copy !req
889. You wanna know what happened?
I'll tell you what happened.Copy !req
890. Samson and his girls
came rollin' up in here lookin' for me.Copy !req
891. They was gonna mess me up
if I didn't bring them Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
892. So they probably
roughed the Guy up,Copy !req
893. then they started
goin' to war with the apartment.Copy !req
894. They had num-chuks, bolos.
They be doin' lndian burns.Copy !req
895. Killer paid the price, yo.Copy !req
896. He got the wrath. He got
the wrath of the num-chuks, yo.Copy !req
897. I think it's more complex
than that.Copy !req
898. - More complex than that?
- You know what I think happened?Copy !req
899. You want to hear
what I think, man?Copy !req
900. First of all, to understand
what happened to Killer,Copy !req
901. you gotta understand
who Killer the dog was.Copy !req
902. Now, Killer was born
to a three-legged bitch mother.Copy !req
903. He was always
ashamed of this, man.Copy !req
904. And right after that, he's adopted
by this man, Tito Liebowitz.Copy !req
905. He's a small-time gunrunner...Copy !req
906. and, uh,
rottweiler fight promoter.Copy !req
907. So he puts Killer into training.
They see Killer's good.Copy !req
908. He is damn good.Copy !req
909. But then he had
the fight of his life.Copy !req
910. They pit him against
his brother Nibbles.Copy !req
911. And Killer said, "No, man, that's
my brother. I can't fight Nibbles!"Copy !req
912. And he made 'em fight anyway.Copy !req
913. And then Killer,
he killed Nibbles.Copy !req
914. And Killer said, "That's it."Copy !req
915. He called off all his fights, and he
started doing crack, and he freaked out.Copy !req
916. And then in a rage,
he collapsed,Copy !req
917. and his heart...Copy !req
918. no longer beat.Copy !req
919. Wow.Copy !req
920. You know, uh,Copy !req
921. I never thought I'd say
this to anybody,Copy !req
922. but you two smoke
entirely too much reefer.Copy !req
923. What if The Guy did it?Copy !req
924. No way. You think?Copy !req
925. Yo?Copy !req
926. Yo, The Guy,
did you kill my dog?Copy !req
927. I believe him, yo.
I don't know why, but I do.Copy !req
928. Samson did this shit, yo.Copy !req
929. Mr. Nice Guy,
Party Accessories.Copy !req
930. Well, did you get
my message?Copy !req
931. - Who is this?
- This is Samson, smarty-pants.Copy !req
932. Operator with an
emergency breakthrough from your sister.Copy !req
933. Samson, this is Sheila. Mama fell—Copy !req
934. Shut up, bitch!Copy !req
935. You tell Mr. Nice Guy
to get his Jamaican ass...Copy !req
936. over to my place
at 3:00 tomorrow!Copy !req
937. - Now, you don't want me to get ugly.
- No, sir.Copy !req
938. - Shit.
- All right. I'll tell 'em.Copy !req
939. Oh, my God.Copy !req
940. We're in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
941. Scarface, perhaps
you could help me.Copy !req
942. Why do you think Samson thinks
that Mr. Nice Guy's a Jamaican?Copy !req
943. Oh, 'cause I told him
Mr. Nice Guy was Jamaican, yo.Copy !req
944. - Why?
- I just thought he sounded
Jamaican inside my head.Copy !req
945. We're in a lot
of trouble, guys.Copy !req
946. We have a meeting
with Samson tomorrow at 3:00.
Where are we gonna get a Jamaican?Copy !req
947. I'll pretend
I'm Jamaican, man.Copy !req
948. Yeah.Copy !req
949. You have smoked yourself
retarded.Copy !req
950. Well, well, well,
if it isn't Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
951. Welcome to my lair.Copy !req
952. Well, now. Tell me
a little bit about yourself.Copy !req
953. Well, you know, I be from
Jamaica, man. Lord have mercy.Copy !req
954. What part of Jamaica?Copy !req
955. Right near the beach—
BoyCopy !req
956. I think
you're bullshitting me.Copy !req
957. Samson Simpson,
I stick by my story!Copy !req
958. I'm from Jamaica.Copy !req
959. if I wasn't Jamaican, then why
would I wear this hat? Hmm?Copy !req
960. Delilah,Copy !req
961. get me 814.Copy !req
962. 814.Copy !req
963. What the fuck is 814?Copy !req
964. Oh! I'm sorry, y'all.
I don't want to be the first nigger
to die from a crossbow.Copy !req
965. You know, I have been
lying to you.Copy !req
966. I'm sorry.
Samson, I'm sorry. Okay?Copy !req
967. We— We just started this
because our friend got locked up.Copy !req
968. Brother, you know how that is.
We had to get him outta jail.Copy !req
969. Now this
is what's gonna happen.Copy !req
970. You make about 40,000,
50,000 a week.Copy !req
971. Shit. I wish.Copy !req
972. Well, I want half,Copy !req
973. $20,000 a week,
or you're dead!Copy !req
974. You understand?Copy !req
975. Twenty thousand seems fair.
That seems fair, right guys? It's fair.Copy !req
976. Class dismissed.Copy !req
977. Man, we are
in trouble, man.Copy !req
978. Jerry, I really need
your help, man. Feel us—Copy !req
979. Brian, will you stop praying to
a bag of sand, man? Come on.Copy !req
980. You heard the man. If we don't
get this money, we're dead. All of us!Copy !req
981. Yo, Thurgood, why don't you get your
boy, The Guy, to lend you some money?Copy !req
982. - You certainly let him
stay here long enough.
- Man, that's Brian's boy.Copy !req
983. - I didn't let him stay here.
- I don't know him, man.Copy !req
984. - Hey, what day is it?
- Saturday.Copy !req
985. Is it January?Copy !req
986. No, man, it's August.Copy !req
987. Oh, wow. August.Copy !req
988. Hey, I couldn't help
overhearing you guys.Copy !req
989. You know, if you want to double
your profits, you should rob that lab.Copy !req
990. Tomorrow's Sunday.
There'll be no one in there.Copy !req
991. Just go in and rob
the place blind.Copy !req
992. It'll work, I promise you.Copy !req
993. Hey, uh, seein' as how
we don't know who you are,Copy !req
994. are you plannin'
on movin' out anytime soon?Copy !req
995. Thurgood, why don't you just
focus on one thing at a time?Copy !req
996. I'll be fine. The robbery
is what's important now.Copy !req
997. Phase One is complete, yo.Copy !req
998. All right.Copy !req
999. Now all we gotta do is go down this
hatch to the second-floor supply room.Copy !req
1000. Grab all the weed you can grab,
and we are outta here!Copy !req
1001. Sick, man!
This is it?Copy !req
1002. Let's do it.Copy !req
1003. Watch your step.Copy !req
1004. - You didn't say nothin'
about no door, yo.
- Chill out, man.Copy !req
1005. I smoke weed here all the time.
This door's never locked.Copy !req
1006. I didn't say the alarm would be off.Copy !req
1007. - I said it never locked.
- Well, hurry, yo!Copy !req
1008. You guys, wait up!Copy !req
1009. Oh.Copy !req
1010. Hold up!Copy !req
1011. - isn't that Thurgood, the custodian?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1012. - Want me to call the cops?
- No. This is too much fun.Copy !req
1013. Right over here!
Come on!Copy !req
1014. I hope there's some left.Copy !req
1015. Maui Wowie!Copy !req
1016. I never seen this much weed
in my life! Let's go!Copy !req
1017. Come on, man!Copy !req
1018. Get down on your knees with
your hands behind your head.Copy !req
1019. Yo, I'm gonna make
a run for it, B.Copy !req
1020. Just get down, man.Copy !req
1021. At least Brian
got away, yo.Copy !req
1022. Whoa! My nads! Oh!Copy !req
1023. Hey, thank God, man!Copy !req
1024. Get down on your knees with
your hands behind your head!Copy !req
1025. Move in.Copy !req
1026. Breaking and entering.Copy !req
1027. You got me?
Open and shut.Copy !req
1028. I say we book 'em.
You got me? We book 'em.Copy !req
1029. Hey, wait a minute, guys.Copy !req
1030. It's not open and shut.
What do you guys do for a living?Copy !req
1031. - I'm a detective.
- Yeah, we're detectives.Copy !req
1032. Oh. Okay then, detect.
Ask us somethin'.Copy !req
1033. - What do you know about this
new Jamaican, this Mr. Nice Guy?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1034. Aw, shit, yo.Copy !req
1035. Well, I heard he's got great weed,
but that's neither here nor there.Copy !req
1036. - I mean, we can't bring him down.
- Crazy.Copy !req
1037. But we can
bring you Samson.Copy !req
1038. Just ask me how. Ask me!Copy !req
1039. How are you gonna
bring Samson down?Copy !req
1040. We got a meeting with him
in a couple days.Copy !req
1041. I'll wear a wire. Hmm?Copy !req
1042. All right, listen to me.
There's $30,000 in this knapsack.Copy !req
1043. When you get in there,
give him the 20 grand you owe him,Copy !req
1044. and with the remaining ten,
buy whatever narcotics he's got around.Copy !req
1045. You got me?
You paying attention?Copy !req
1046. No. Sorry, man.Copy !req
1047. Unless you say out loud what it
is you're buying, we got nothin'.Copy !req
1048. So make sure that you say it, and make
sure that you get Samson to say it.Copy !req
1049. - No codes. No slang.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1050. As soon as you got the stuff,
or if anything goes wrong,
say the phrase, "Abracadabra."Copy !req
1051. - Abracadabra.
- Abracadabra?Copy !req
1052. - Okay. Okay.
- Make sure that you are relaxed.Copy !req
1053. And just act
completely normal.Copy !req
1054. - That's gonna be a problem.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1055. I mean we haven't smoked
any weed today, man.Copy !req
1056. if the three of us go in there
all clear-eyed, Samson
is gonna know somethin's up.Copy !req
1057. Well, if you think
it's gonna help.Copy !req
1058. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's
gonna help. You got a light?Copy !req
1059. Mmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1060. Thanks, Officer.Copy !req
1061. I just wanna say,Copy !req
1062. that was a great idea,
Thurgood.Copy !req
1063. - Wow. I mean, where do you even—
- Just smoke it, yo!Copy !req
1064. if somethin' happens to us,
could you—Copy !req
1065. could you give this letter
to Mary Jane Potman?Copy !req
1066. Sure thing, kid.Copy !req
1067. And— And tell our friend Kenny Davis
we love him. He's in prison.Copy !req
1068. - Let's go. Come on.
- All right. Let's move.Copy !req
1069. Just remember to speak clearly.Copy !req
1070. - Get him to say what he's sellin' you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1071. It ain't always good...Copy !req
1072. to get high before you have
important things to do.Copy !req
1073. Lucky for us,
the cops had our backs.Copy !req
1074. - Hello, boys.
- Hi, Samson.Copy !req
1075. So... where's the money?Copy !req
1076. Right here in my bag.Copy !req
1077. Um, Samson, can I
ask you a question?Copy !req
1078. Go ahead.Copy !req
1079. Do you know where we can score
some cocaine?Copy !req
1080. - You want some candy?
- Uh, no, thanks.Copy !req
1081. But it'd be great
if we can get some cocaine.Copy !req
1082. What's so funny?Copy !req
1083. Those guys—
Those guys are doomed!Copy !req
1084. I can't feel my hands!Copy !req
1085. I— I can feel them.Copy !req
1086. What we have here...Copy !req
1087. is some Columbian heaven.Copy !req
1088. Pure cocaine.Copy !req
1089. - Candy makes you dandy.
- Hmm.Copy !req
1090. This is all the cocaine
we get for ten G's, B?Copy !req
1091. - We have other product.
- Oh, like more cocaine?Copy !req
1092. And that is?Copy !req
1093. Fine China. Babaloo.Copy !req
1094. - Looks like heroin to me, yo.
- Yeah. Is that heroin?Copy !req
1095. You've got to be the dumbest dealers
in the history of the dope game.Copy !req
1096. You mean the game
that you run, yo?Copy !req
1097. - Good.
- Just call me Jesse Owens.Copy !req
1098. Jesse, can we get some cocaine
and get the hell outta here?Copy !req
1099. - Okay.
- Can I buy some of your heroin too?Copy !req
1100. Okay.Copy !req
1101. All right. All right.Copy !req
1102. It's been a pleasure
doing business with you.Copy !req
1103. Thank you very much for the heroin
and the cocaine. Here's your money.Copy !req
1104. All right.Copy !req
1105. Abracadabra.Copy !req
1106. Yeah, man!Copy !req
1107. Abracadabra.Copy !req
1108. "You're all the Mary Jane
I'll ever need."Copy !req
1109. - Abracadabra, yo!
- Oh, abracadabra, man.Copy !req
1110. - Abracadabra.
- Boy, why do you keep saying that?Copy !req
1111. What? Abracadabra?Copy !req
1112. Yes. Abracadabra.Copy !req
1113. It's the latest thing.
All the kids are saying it, all right?Copy !req
1114. - Abracadabra, my brother.
- What's up? Abracadabra.Copy !req
1115. - Abracadabra.
- Slim, take off your shirt.Copy !req
1116. Samson, Samson,
I hardly know you.Copy !req
1117. - Ladies.
- Abracadabra.Copy !req
1118. - Abracadabra, man!
- Abracadabra, yo!Copy !req
1119. Abracadabra! Abra—Copy !req
1120. You're dead! All of you!Copy !req
1121. Hey, fellas,
let's beat these bitches!Copy !req
1122. Let's work it out.Copy !req
1123. Oh, yo, your titty.Copy !req
1124. - Now, that's a titty.
- Fully, man.Copy !req
1125. That is an official fully.Copy !req
1126. Aah!Copy !req
1127. - These are mean people. Mean, mean, man.
- Look out!Copy !req
1128. This is for Killer, B.Copy !req
1129. Surprise, surprise, surprise.Copy !req
1130. Look who's walkin'.Copy !req
1131. Nigger, I thought
you said you was crippled.Copy !req
1132. Well, sweet pea,
we're all crippled in some way.Copy !req
1133. - Put it down!
- You win.Copy !req
1134. Now...Copy !req
1135. this is the way
it's gonna work.Copy !req
1136. I'm gonna take your little
Mexican friend with me,Copy !req
1137. and I'm gonna kill him.Copy !req
1138. - I'm Cuban, B.
- Yes, Cuban B.Copy !req
1139. - Now is there anything you want
to say to your friends?
- Jerry, we need you.Copy !req
1140. Abracadabra, B!Copy !req
1141. Oh, man!Copy !req
1142. Oh, wow.Copy !req
1143. Sucks to be you, man!Copy !req
1144. Oh, man! Oh, man!Copy !req
1145. What did I—
I told you he was real, man.Copy !req
1146. Jerry... thank you, man.Copy !req
1147. You're welcome, Brian.Copy !req
1148. Peace.Copy !req
1149. - Well, abracadabra.
- Whoa!Copy !req
1150. - All right.
- What the hell's goin' on here?Copy !req
1151. - Our job is done.
These guys can go home.
- You guys are wasted, man.Copy !req
1152. Thurgood, Thurgood.
Nice letter.Copy !req
1153. - Gimme that back.
- Queer.Copy !req
1154. - Everybody, freeze!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
1155. Nobody move!Copy !req
1156. The cops took all
the credit for bustin' Samson,
but that's not important.Copy !req
1157. What was important is that we cut
a deal, and Kenny was finally free.Copy !req
1158. Hallelujah!Copy !req
1159. Which brings me
to the Brooklyn Bridge,Copy !req
1160. where I had to make things right
with Mary Jane.Copy !req
1161. - Hi.
- Are you?Copy !req
1162. A little bit from yesterday,
you know, when Kenny got—Copy !req
1163. But-But-But, Mary Jane, listen.
I'm done. I'm done sellin' it.Copy !req
1164. I'm done smokin' it.
This is the last of it, right here.Copy !req
1165. I just wanted you to see me
get rid of it.Copy !req
1166. Could we just have a—
a moment alone?Copy !req
1167. Do what you gotta do.
Be strong.Copy !req
1168. Thanks, baby.Copy !req
1169. Mary Jane,Copy !req
1170. bein' with you these past
11 years has been wonderful.Copy !req
1171. But I gotta move on.Copy !req
1172. Come on. Smoke me.
Have a quickie for old time's sake.Copy !req
1173. No. She's looking.Copy !req
1174. She's looking.
All right. Real quick.Copy !req
1175. No. No! It wouldn't be right.Copy !req
1176. Goddamn you!Copy !req
1177. You'll be back!Copy !req
1178. Everything work out okay?Copy !req
1179. Yeah. Mary Jane, I love you.Copy !req
1180. I love you too.Copy !req
1181. I know.
I know what you're thinkin'.Copy !req
1182. - That old Thurgood sold out, right?
- I'm your girl now.Copy !req
1183. But let me tell you something.
I love weed, okay? I love it.Copy !req
1184. But not as much
as I love pussy.Copy !req
1185. The End.Copy !req
1186. I get lifted upCopy !req
1187. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1188. I get lifted upCopy !req
1189. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1190. Sittin' here together, babyCopy !req
1191. We're aloneCopy !req
1192. Now I can tell ya, girlCopy !req
1193. You turn me onCopy !req
1194. I get lifted upCopy !req
1195. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1196. I get lifted upCopy !req
1197. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1198. You've got the love thatCopy !req
1199. The love I desire, babeCopy !req
1200. You've got the matchCopy !req
1201. Ooh, that lights my lifeCopy !req
1202. I get lifted upCopy !req
1203. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1204. I get lifted upCopy !req
1205. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1206. I get lifted upCopy !req
1207. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1208. I get lifted upCopy !req
1209. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1210. You got the love thatCopy !req
1211. The love I desire, babeCopy !req
1212. You've got the matchCopy !req
1213. Ooh, that lights my fireCopy !req
1214. I get lifted upCopy !req
1215. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1216. I get lifted upCopy !req
1217. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1218. I get lifted upCopy !req
1219. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1220. I get lifted upCopy !req
1221. High, high, high, highCopy !req
1222. Hey, everybody,
I'm Dave Chappelle.Copy !req
1223. if you want to learn more about
marijuana or other illegal substances,Copy !req
1224. go to your local library.Copy !req
1225. - Remember, the more you read—
- The smarter you are.Copy !req
1226. Yea!Copy !req
1227. All right, man.Copy !req
1228. Subtitles Provided By
Captions, lnc. Los AngelesCopy !req
1229. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req