Grunt! The Wrestling Movie (1985)

1. "Skull Crusher" Johnson,

2. the current titleholder, gouges

3. at the eyes of the challenger,

4. "Mad Dog" Joe De Curso.

5. Slams a forearm to the throat.

6. And tosses him over the top rope.

7. He's going after him.

8. Fans are scattering.

9. Skull Crusher drives him into a row of chairs here at ringside.

10. At stake is a $25,000 winner-take-all purse

11. and the world's heavyweight wrestling championship belt.

12. Oh, no! Skull Crusher crashes a chair onto Mad Dog's head,

13. sending him crawling to the floor like sawdust to the mill.

14. Skull Crusher drags the challenger back into the ring,

15. and he suplexes his massive frame over the top rope.

16. And a flying elbow to the windpipe.

17. Another flying elbow, even more vicious.

18. - Skull Crusher goes for the pin. Get up, Mad Dog!

19. But Mad Dog throws off

20. the body-pressing Masked Man.

21. Skull Crusher goes right back at him,

22. grabbing Mad Dog's arm

23. and whipping him into the turnbuckle.

24. He hits him with a knee to the solar plexus.

25. And again.

26. Come on! Hit him! Hit him!

27. Mad Dog is about to feel the wrath of Skull Crusher.

28. But no, no. Mad Dog regains his wits.

29. Does a quick reversal.

30. And flips the startled Skull Crusher to the floor!

31. What an evening this is.

32. Outside, winds are savagely howling.

33. Thunder and lightning lurk in the not-far-away distance.

34. All this unseasonal merriment setting the tone

35. for the first-ever meeting between these two giants

36. - of the wrestling world.

37. The champion's playing dirty now.

38. He's wishboning Mad Dog against the ring post.

39. And Sweet Lola, Mad Dog's fiery manager of the past two years,

40. doesn't like it one bit.

41. Mad Dog is surely paying the price of being a man.

42. In some circles, that's known as the old walnut cracker.

43. That good enough for you, Lola?

44. And here's the final blow.

45. But he missed!

46. Mad Dog shakes off his agony.

47. That man has heart.

48. Blow after blow from Mad Dog. He won't stop.

49. He's making mincemeat out of Skull Crusher.

50. Now the headlock.

51. He burns the eyes of the Masked Man across the ropes

52. and into the turnbuckle. The tide has turned.

53. The fans can feel the electricity in the air.

54. And I don't mean that storm raging outside,

55. ladies and gentlemen.

56. And now Mad Dog's clawing at that mask.

57. He wants it removed once and for all.

58. He can smell victory.

59. But, wait. Skull Crusher's manager,

60. J.J.J., jumped into the ring.

61. He's beating the champion on the coconut.

62. And here comes Lola.

63. This is insanity.

64. Ladies and gentlemen, no one has ceded.

65. Lola's pumped up, and she's working on J.J.J.'s head.

66. And the ref doesn't know what's up or down.

67. Mad Dog is caught. He's caught between the ropes.

68. Skull Crusher ricochets from rope to rope now

69. and launches a flying tackle at Mad Dog.

70. But Mad Dog was playing possum.

71. Skull Crusher is caught in the hangman,

72. and I mean caught.

73. His neck is completely entwined in the ropes.

74. But Mad Dog won't quit.

75. The challenger bounces from rope to rope.

76. Skull Crusher is completely helpless.

77. Oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening!

78. This is terrible.

79. This is the worst catastrophe in the history

80. of professional wrestling.

81. Commissioner. Commissioner!

82. Commissioner! Have you made a decision yet?

83. Does a guy that loses his head lose his title?

84. We still have not made a decision yet.

85. We're cautious of setting a precedent.

86. Now, if you'll excuse me, it has been a long day.

87. - REPORTER #2: Mr. Commissioner! -REPORTER #3: J.J.J.

88. You're the champ, Skull Crusher Johnson's, manager.

89. What do you think about the possibility

90. - that he may lose his title? -Look...

91. with all due regard to the commissioner,

92. it is my opinion and the opinion of the fans

93. that Skull Crusher Johnson is still... the... champion.

94. Skull Crusher Johnson has come back from worse.

95. Far worse than this. You can believe that.

96. Mad Dog Joe De Curso was disqualified

97. for the brutal decapitation of the champion,

98. Skull Crusher Johnson,

99. but is Skull Crusher Johnson still the champion?

100. Can a man lose his head and still retain the championship?

101. All I ask for is a head on my beer,

102. not a head in my lap.

103. How do you feel about what just happened?

104. - Horrified. -Shocked.

105. - Horrified. -Shocked.

106. Three months ago, you were horrified.

107. How do you feel now?

108. - Shocked. -Horrified.

109. - Shocked. -Horrified.

110. I got the blood out.

111. I couldn't get the chalk, though.

112. This is my good shirt, too.

113. Wrestling great Mad Dog Joe De Curso

114. was acquitted today of manslaughter charges

115. resulting from the accidental decapitation of his opponent,

116. Skull Crusher Johnson, some four months ago

117. in a championship bout at the Olympic Auditorium.

118. Then, in a bizarre turn of events, Mad Dog went berserk,

119. body-slamming the judge, a bailiff, and the entire jury.

120. He's now serving 90 days in the county jail.

121. After being released from jail,

122. Mad Dog Joe De Curso sank into a deep depression.

123. A depression so deep and binding

124. that all attempts to draw him out failed.

125. Mad Dog Joe was last spotted standing in a breadline

126. at the Mission Mission in San Francisco —

127. out of work, out of worth.

128. Dejected and humiliated, he reportedly ended it all

129. by leaping to his death from the Oakland Bay Bridge in 1979.

130. What's the decision? -REPORTER #2: People have

131. a right to be informed about this situation!

132. You don't seem to be doing your job as commissioner.

133. REPORTER #3: Have you reached a decision?

134. Yes.

135. After long and careful deliberation,

136. we have reached a decision

137. concerning the championship title.

138. It has been brought to our attention

139. that Skull Crusher Johnson has not defended his title

140. in the six years since his decapitation.

141. We are declaring the title vacant.

142. - We will select

143. from our rating system the top 10 contenders,

144. who will meet in a battle-royale elimination match

145. to determine the new and rightful heir

146. to the professional wrestling crown.

147. Commissioner, what about the championship belt?

148. If I remember correctly, it was buried with the Skull Crusher.

149. Uh, w-we'll get back to you with a decision

150. on that as soon as we can.

151. Uh, thank you, gentlemen. That's all.

152. Thanks, boys. That will be all.

153. Wrestler, folk hero —

154. Mad Dog Joe De Curso.

155. Unusual. Mysterious.

156. The baddest of the bad.

157. Or was he?

158. Hi. I'm Leslie Uggams.

159. No, not the Leslie Uggams.

160. I'm a director.

161. But my passion has always been for wrestling.

162. Ever since when I was a young child

163. and walked into my parents' bedroom,

164. and my father said to me, "Get out of here.

165. We're wrestling," frankly, I've been fascinated by it.

166. But since I'm clumsy and bruise easily,

167. I found I couldn't wrestle.

168. But I could direct.

169. And now I've had the opportunity to combine

170. my passion for wrestling

171. and my love of filmmaking to make this documentary.

172. What you have just witnessed is a chronicle of events

173. after the accidental decapitation six years ago

174. in the ring by Mad Dog Joe Curso.

175. De Curso.

176. - What? -De Curso.

177. His name was Mad Dog Joe De Curso.

178. Thank you.

179. De Curso.

180. Mad Dog Joe De Curso.

181. A man. A legend. An enigma.

182. There are many people, very many people,

183. who believe that Mad Dog Joe De Curso

184. didn't commit suicide by jumping off of that bridge.

185. By jumping off of any bridge.

186. They believe that he has returned as The Mask —

187. a good-guy wrestler, an idol of children,

188. a kisser of dogs.

189. After touring Japan and England,

190. The Mask is on his way to the United States.

191. Is it possible that Mad Dog Joe De Curso,

192. the baddest of the bad, has now become the goodest of the good?

193. That's what we're here to find out —

194. the truth.

195. We're on our way to meet The Mask,

196. who is inside his dressing room right now

197. preparing for an upcoming match.

198. Aaaaahhhh!

199. If I'm supposed to be a warrior, why don't I have a headdress?

200. Uhh! Raaahhh!

201. Or a shrunken head?

202. Uh! Uh! Uh!

203. Or even teeth? Uhh!

204. Uh! Uh! How can I be me?

205. What the hell do you mean, how can you be you?

206. You're you, aren't you? You think you're you?

207. - Yes, I'm me. -You think you're you?

208. - Yes, I'm me. -Tell me. I don't hear you.

209. - Yes, I'm me! -Are you you?

210. - I'm me! -Are you you?

211. Right directly behind me

212. is the dressing room of The Mask.

213. Let's go inside and meet the man behind the mask.

214. What are you doing here?

215. Who told you you could come back here?

216. No cameras! Absolutely no cameras until the show.

217. Now get out of here!

218. Go on.

219. Get out of here before I burst you!

220. Beat it!

221. Hello. Mr. Mask?

222. Mr. Mask, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions

223. about yourself, Mr. Mask.

224. Uh, excuse me. Excuse me.

225. Can — Will you just talk to me?

226. - Aah!

227. Watch — Watch the camera!

228. Rock 'n' roll!

229. DR. Get him, Mask!

230. Take him out, Mask!

231. For $24 a year, you get a membership

232. into the "Mad Dog Is Mask" fan club.

233. And for an extra $12.95,

234. you get one of these handmade very nice barking Mad Dog guns.

235. Come on! Come on, Mask.

236. Take the bum out!

237. Take him out!

238. And I, being the founder and president,

239. will very soon hold a national meeting in Las Vegas, Nevada.

240. I tell you, Mask is Mad Dog,

241. or Mad Dog is Mask.

242. It doesn't matter how you say it.

243. It all comes out the same.

244. Get him, Mask!

245. Allez! Go!

246. Look, both guys have the same wrestling style.

247. See? The Manta Ray.

248. The Eastern Panther.

249. The Humility Pose.

250. Get him, Mask!

251. Snap that vertebrae.

252. - Aah! -DR. He's dead! Aah!

253. The Victory Pose!

254. Mask, pick the little bunny up. That's it!

255. What did I tell you, huh?

256. Dr. Tweed, the head of the "Mask Is Mad Dog" fan club

257. agreed to take off time from his very busy schedule

258. to meet with us and let us in on the details and intricacies

259. of why he feels Mad Dog Joe is The Mask.

260. DR. Oh, uh, hey, kids. Hey, wait a minute there.

261. Uh, we're trying to make a movie here, alright?

262. No, no. Maybe you didn't hear me.

263. I said, "We're trying to make a movie here."

264. It's very important, okay?

265. Now go on! Beat it! Now go on.

266. Get out of here! Beat it, alright?

267. Leslie, do you want me to come in again or what?

268. Charlie! Charlie Stroll!

269. - Hey. Hey, Dr. Tweed.

270. - How are you? -Come here.

271. Charlie used to be my vice president

272. of the Mad Dog Joe fan club.

273. I invited him here. Listen, Leslie.

274. Charlie runs this men's store on Van Nuys Boulevard.

275. Oh, very exclusive.

276. Oh, yeah? Where on Van Nuys?

277. On the corner.

278. Which corner? -Depends.

279. This guy knew Mad Dog Joe since they were kids.

280. Oh, they both had the same foster parents.

281. They went to different schools together. Everything.

282. This is a very knowledgeable guy.

283. Talk to him, Leslie.

284. Talk to him.

285. Gee, I don't know that much, really.

286. DR.So, Joe's mother tells this bad fortune

287. to this rich guy, and he is not very happy about it.

288. You know, it comes true, so

289. You know what I mean?

290. Well, a few years after that, a few years later,

291. Joe and his daddy immigrate from Italy to the U.S. of A.

292. And that's where Joe's dad made his living fighting cocks.

293. Here.

294. I got a photo of him right here.

295. See? That's him.

296. So, the Mob rubs out Joe's father

297. for fixing cockfights.

298. He's feeding amphetamines to his chickens.

299. Like they ain't never fixed nothing themselves?

300. So, you both think

301. - Joe is The Mask. Yeah.

302. - You betcha. -You bet.

303. Lookit, Joe had that —

304. that love of the sport,

305. the animal ferocity

306. that went right for the heart.

307. Those same qualities are in The Mask, right?

308. Joe was famous worldwide

309. for the John Tolos punch into the Sleeper.

310. Yeah. -What's The Mask famous for?

311. The John Tolos punch into the Sleeper.

312. Mad Dog is The Mask.

313. - The Mask is Mad Dog. -Mask is Mad Dog.

314. If that's so, how do you explain the fact

315. that The Mask and Joe had identical chest tattoos?

316. Joe had tattoos on his arm, and The Mask doesn't.

317. DR. Joe had tattoos on his arm.

318. The Mask has scars on his arm.

319. He could have had them removed.

320. There are three or four basic treatments

321. used for tattoo removal —

322. cryotherapy, where we freeze the dyed tissue

323. and hope that, when replacement skin grows back,

324. the tattoo doesn't come back with it;

325. the Variot method of chemical removal,

326. where we rub tannic acid into the tattooed area,

327. and then, using silver nitrate sticks,

328. we burn away the upper epidermal layers.

329. Is there scarring? -Yes.

330. There's always scarring.

331. There's also skin graft surgery and laser surgery,

332. but these are outrageously expensive and painful.

333. Tattoos may be cheap to get, but they're no bargain

334. to have removed.

335. Some of the Eastern Bloc countries

336. are experimenting with entire arm transplants

337. for tattoo removal.

338. Arm transplants?

339. Is that what it sounds like it means?

340. Precisely.

341. The entire arm is removed,

342. and a donor arm is sewn in place.

343. Are there any complications?

344. Yes, but relatively minor —

345. changes in sleeve length,

346. ring size, fingerprint configuration,

347. arm hair, things like that,

348. but, hey, no scarring.

349. Ace, you've got to be more aggressive.

350. This is Lola's gym.

351. She has a team of girls she wrestles —

352. Killer Tomato and Ace. Regular foxes.

353. Been doing it ever since Joe disappeared.

354. Come on in and talk to her.

355. Okay?

356. Make your move.

357. - Get her by the hair, Tomato. -Aah! Aah!

358. What are you people doing here?

359. Uh, please, Lola. We'd like to ask you

360. a couple of questions about Joe.

361. - Get out of here. We're not reporters.

362. We're making a documentary about Joe's life.

363. - Get out of here. And I'd just like

364. to ask you one question, please.

365. Do you think — Do you think Joe is The Mask?

366. Lola, can I just ask you...

367. One question. Do you think Joe is The Mask?

368. - That's all. Get lost.

369. Ple— We're just making a documentary.

370. There's no — Will you please come back?

371. God damn it, Lola!

372. DR. Leslie. Leslie. Leslie!

373. Hey. That's okay.

374. - Why didn't she talk? -Get in the cab.

375. Just get in the cab. Come on.

376. Now, remember, Leslie...

377. this is a woman.

378. I know. We — -The gentle approach works best.

379. We screwed up. We shouldn't have gone to her job, anyway.

380. - That was a bad idea. -That was yesterday.

381. - This is a better idea. -This is now.

382. - I'll be cool. -Be in the moment.

383. The flowers — great idea.

384. Come in!

385. - Honey, get up here. Good morning, Lola.

386. Come on, Honey.

387. Aah! Aaaah!

388. Ugh! Please! Look out!

389. Okay. We're stopped now.

390. Something's bothering you. What's on your mind?

391. - What is it? Tell me. -Look, Tweed, I don't know.

392. I just feel like I should be getting some answers.

393. And I'm not. I mean, being with you

394. is like being on this wild-goose chase, you know?

395. I don't even think I know what I knew.

396. You know, with you, illusion and reality, they just blur.

397. They're just a big mess.

398. What about lunch?

399. Tell me why the roughest, toughest, meanest tag team

400. in wrestling today is taking on The Mask.

401. What do The Grunt Brothers have to gain?

402. You don't have enough time.

403. For one thing, we don't like that son of a bitch.

404. And for another thing, he thinks he's God's gift to women.

405. Well, we're gonna make him think and understand

406. that the worst thing he ever did

407. was wrestle against The Grunt Brothers.

408. - We're gonna take him. -Yeah!

409. And we're gonna crush his ugly masked face.

410. - Then we're gonna take him. -Yeah!

411. And we're gonna squeeze his head until it pops like a pimple!

412. - Yeah! -And then we're gonna see

413. and see what his brains are made out of, right?

414. That's right, brother.

415. We're gonna start from the head

416. and take him thread by thread.

417. And then we're gonna get him limb from limb.

418. That's right, brother. We're gonna kill him!

419. Let's go get him! Let's go get him!

420. - Let's go! -Yeah!

421. We'll get him! Raaah!

422. Huh?

423. Ms. Angel Face, why are you letting The Mask take on

424. two potentially homicidal men as The Grunt Brothers?

425. Isn't that awfully dangerous?

426. Dangerous? Dangerous?

427. No.

428. He will crush your puny heads like mothballs.

429. He could handle a thousand bums

430. like these pathetic, impotent...

431. Oh, my Mask.

432. The only thing to fear from them

433. is their breath.

434. It swirls in the hot air they are so full of.

435. What are you talking about, you ugly...

436. Stay tuned. This looks like

437. it's gonna be total war out there tonight.

438. That is, if we can separate them long enough

439. to get them in the ring.

440. One!

441. Two!

442. Three!

443. Alright! Come on!

444. One!

445. Two!

446. Three!

447. Hey! Breasts! Come on! Here!

448. Mask! Mask! Mask! Mask!

449. Mask! Mask! Mask! Mask!

450. And the winner is...

451. The Mask!

452. - Yay! Yay! -Yeah!

453. There's a new sensation in wrestling.

454. For those of you that have had your heads

455. buried in the sand for the past couple of weeks, he is The Mask.

456. He has just single-handedly defeated one of the best,

457. roughest, toughest tag teams in the sport.

458. He's sending these men to the hospital,

459. and it is this reporter's opinion

460. that The Mask could quickly lose his reputation

461. as a good guy and acquire one as a bad guy.

462. This is Carl Sandhurst in Hackensack, New Jersey.

463. Good night.

464. Excuse me! Charles!

465. Hi. May I call you Charles?

466. Uh, I want to ask you —

467. Uh, I want to ask you a question.

468. Oh!

469. Excuse me. Mr. Ring Announcer.

470. Um, you've been around a long time.

471. You've seen a lot of wrestling.

472. In your opinion, is Mad Dog Joe The Mask?

473. In my opinion, these people are paranoid schizophrenics.

474. I wanted to be a psychiatrist when I grew up.

475. Instead, I ended up as a... ring announcer.

476. My parents couldn't afford to send me to medical school.

477. It's not their fault. It's not mine either.

478. Joe was born on February 29th, leap year.

479. So the poor kid, he only got to celebrate his birthday

480. every four years.

481. I was Joe's only real wrestling coach.

482. Used to be impossible to control,

483. but he had real talent.

484. A coach's dream.

485. He wasn't a bad boy.

486. He was just like a wild mustang or something.

487. That's Joe there in number 13.

488. He picked that number out for himself.

489. But he couldn't stay out of trouble.

490. Nothing bad. Just mischievous.

491. I really miss that boy.

492. Oh, my God.

493. Look!

494. The Mask! See?

495. This proves it.

496. Joe is The Mask!

497. This is where he got the idea —

498. from his old high-school days.

499. It all fits now.

500. Don't you see?

501. The mask.

502. What did you do with the mask?

503. I don't know.

504. I threw it away, I guess.

505. If I had that mask...

506. if I had that mask...

507. I could put Joe's fan club back on top!

508. Dick Kopf is a guy — Oh, Leslie, we go back.

509. Oh, let me tell you. We go way back.

510. There are some stories I could tell you about Kopf, but...

511. but he's a guy that's not —

512. He's not really very flexible, you know?

513. I guess you would have to say that he's set in his ways.

514. Come on, you

515. Come on. Swing that around.

516. That's it. Now, come on.

517. Knee him, you

518. Come on, you son of a

519. That's it.

520. Now, in a case like that, you reach into your trunks

521. and take out a little bit of soap from the inside

522. and rub it in the sons of eyes.

523. Wait a minute.

524. Who are you

525. What the hell are you doing here, you

526. If you're from one of those television exposé things,

527. forget it.

528. I don't speak to nobody until I see my attorney first.

529. No, we're not a television exposé.

530. We're making a documentary about wrestling,

531. and I understand you used to manage Mad Dog Joe De Curso.

532. Oh. Movie trash, huh?

533. Alright. I'll talk to you.

534. Yeah. He was a son of a

535. Joe was one of a kind, though.

536. But you said earlier he was a son of a

537. He was a son of a

538. But he had heart.

539. Loved punishment.

540. Used to thrive on it.

541. Nothing hurt him. Nothing.

542. I ain't never seen anyone or anything like him since.

543. The heart of a lion.

544. Why, he could thunder.

545. When I met Joe, he was slicker

546. than bat on a wet doormat.

547. I was handling a huge wrestler.

548. A mean, ugly turd.

549. Called himself The Giant Goon.

550. He had a carnival-type thing.

551. You know — 500 bucks to the

552. who could stay in the ring with him for 5 minutes.

553. He used to make a killing.

554. "Suck them in and them up."

555. That was my motto.

556. Joe fought that like a wildcat.

557. In fact, I'd like to a bobcat in a phone booth

558. than fight Joe.

559. He beat the hell out of that Giant Goon.

560. Is that when you signed him up?

561. Had to. Why, the cost me 500 bucks.

562. He ruined my scam.

563. Had to make up my money some way.

564. Oh, but we had some good times, too.

565. Teamed him up with Captain Carnage.

566. Even got him a championship match.

567. The Terrible Two

568. may be the South City's favorite sons,

569. but they've bitten off a bit more than they can chew

570. here tonight in the Ocean City Arena.

571. Joe throws Chicken Ear into the turnbuckle.

572. His partner, Captain Carnage, joins him,

573. and they're double-teaming poor Ivan Leftheart,

574. slamming him — bam — twice.

575. Again.

576. Carnage throws him to the mat.

577. And then a flying body press, and it's over.

578. One, two — What's this?

579. Captain Carnage wants to give the crowd some more fun.

580. He tosses Leftheart against the rope, over his shoulder.

581. Wait. Carnage is showboating.

582. This time, he'll pay.

583. Chicken Ear sends a dropkick in his direction.

584. One more time for good measure.

585. Carnage is through. Carnage is through!

586. And the champs have prevailed.

587. - Go to war, Miss Agnes!

588. Mad Dog is furious!

589. Mad Dog doesn't care!

590. He's really lost it.

591. He's on a rampage, and the fans have had enough.

592. The ring announcer enters.

593. Mad Dog bushwhacks him, too.

594. Now he's turning on his partner!

595. He's telling his partner just how he feels

596. about that showboating.

597. Everyone's scattering.

598. And I, for one, believe they've got the right idea.

599. There goes Mad Dog, ripping a fan's shirt right off his back!

600. God help anyone in his way!

601. Not little Mitzi!

602. Not too many left here to see him

603. and his psychopathic behavior.

604. But isn't that what wrestling's all about?

605. That

606. Son of a

607. Things ain't never been the same since.

608. Do you think Joe is The Mask?

609. Who the knows?

610. I'm telling you, you're wasting your time here.

611. What you should be doing is talking to that

612. he used to live with.

613. That Lola.

614. She's sure to know.

615. But I'm warning you — You'll never get her to talk.

616. Bullshit! The Mask is not Joe!

617. What are you — blind?

618. I'm sick and tired of all this crap

619. about Joe being a monk in Japan somewhere,

620. being dead, jumping off a bridge.

621. I've had it up to here!

622. I want some sanity in my life!

623. I'm gonna tell you about Joe

624. 'cause I want you off my backs, alright?

625. He disappeared one day.

626. I came back from working out, and he was gone.

627. That was six years ago.

628. I haven't heard from him since!

629. Okay? You want to see some stuff of his?

630. These are some of Joe's trophies.

631. This is the ledger I kept on him.

632. This is a fight book.

633. It has eats, carbohydrates,

634. fight dates, cash outlays.

635. Would you like it, Dr. Tweed?

636. Go ahead. Take it.

637. Joe was a tough wrestler. He was good.

638. He was very tough on himself. He just had to win.

639. That was his big problem, as you know — He just had to win.

640. Come on. There's more junk back here.

641. These are Joe's wrestling pictures.

642. Why don't you take them? Geez!

643. What am I doing with all this junk?

644. Take them. Just get them out of my life.

645. There's more junk in here.

646. Look at this. Look at this crap in my closet.

647. You know how they say, "Clothes make the man?"

648. Gee, I don't have the man. I've got all of his clothes.

649. Don't ask me what for.

650. Please, get them out of my closet.

651. Can't believe I still have them.

652. - Here, don't forget the shirt.

653. Honey, come here, baby. It's alright.

654. Honey. This is my good friend, Honey.

655. She hasn't left me. It's alright, baby.

656. You know, she's just a little bit scared.

657. I mean, you think I had a bad temper, you should see Mad Dog.

658. When he got mad, he was like a wild dog.

659. I mean, he was crazy. And he did not jump off

660. some bridge, you know, like people say.

661. He would not have done that. I know the guy just a little bit.

662. He's probably shacked up with some bimbo,

663. and he better not bring her in here!

664. If you're out there, Mad Dog,

665. I'm gonna kill you when I get out there!

666. You are causing me so much shit!

667. Look at this.

668. I mean, Joe was tough, you know.

669. He was bad, but he loved jokes.

670. He loved swerves. That's wrestling talk.

671. Professional whoopee cushion — Can you believe it?

672. Only the best for Mad Dog.

673. A bone, which is what I've got now.

674. You know what, though?

675. Mad Dog saved a guy's life once.

676. These fans were beating on this guy so bad

677. after a fight with Joe that Joe dragged him

678. into the dressing room,

679. pretended to beat on him so the fans wouldn't kill him

680. and saved his life.

681. I mean, I don't know why I'm hanging on to all this junk!

682. It's just crap, you know! Get it out of my life!

683. Actually, I'm glad you came by!

684. How about some film? I bet you'd love some film!

685. We got TV interviews, you know,

686. all this stuff about fights. Here, take it.

687. I can't believe I'm hanging on to all this junk.

688. I don't know why. You know, he's gone!

689. How about a heart?

690. Okay, just get out. Alright?

691. You got what you wanted.

692. Thanks, Lola!

693. Oh, this is great.

694. Let's move before she changes her mind.

695. I feel like the guy that won the lottery.

696. The one with the wife. Oh-oh-oh!

697. - Here, just take it all!

698. Haul it off somewhere!

699. DR. Oh! Wow!

700. I don't care! Just get rid of it!

701. Get out of here!

702. Look at all this film.

703. Uh-huh.

704. Now we're really gonna find something out.

705. Tweed, she said Joe is not The Mask.

706. Yeah, but what'd you expect for her to say?

707. The woman just got dumped on.

708. Oh, man.

709. I'll tell you, that Joe, he's something else.

710. Found a spitfire like Lola,

711. and then he gets a real classy broad

712. like that French broad, Angel Face.

713. Do you guys have a projector?

714. We can look at this stuff right away.

715. Nah. I know where we can rent one, though.

716. Oh, yeah? What do they go for?

717. I don't know. It depends on who you know.

718. - Yeah? -I got some connections.

719. Hello, and welcome to our home.

720. I am Mad Dog Joe De Curso's manager, Sweet Lola.

721. Come with me, please.

722. This is Mad Dog's trophy room.

723. These are some of Joe's wrestling photos.

724. And this is where we relax,

725. watch TV, or whatever.

726. And this is our clothes closet.

727. As you can see, we live modestly, but comfortably.

728. And these are some pictures.

729. Some paintings that I've done.

730. I love Oriental art.

731. Do you feel Joe is ready for the title shot?

732. Yes, I do feel that Joe is ready for the title shot.

733. We've worked hard.

734. In fact, we are so ready,

735. we're gonna knock the world on its ear!

736. This is worthless. I can't use any of this.

737. Worthless? We have a gold mine here.

738. The stars at play.

739. I don't need at play.

740. I need something. A morgue report.

741. Hey, hey. Time-out, huh?

742. These people are bigger than life, yet human.

743. Human! I don't want human, Tweed!

744. - I want reality. -This is reality!

745. I want a tidy little piece of film

746. - that just sums it all up! -Alright, alright.

747. Hey, hey, calm down, huh?

748. Take a deep breath.

749. 2 or 3 minutes, we'll talk.

750. You want coffee?

751. I'm standing here with The Mask;

752. his scintillating manager, Angel Face; and Honey Bun;

753. who are not very popular in the state of Georgia

754. at this moment only because The Mask is challenging

755. the best wrestler in the state of Georgia —

756. their very own champion, El Toro.

757. Unpopular? No!

758. Not as unpopular as we are going to be

759. after The Mask turns El Toro

760. into a teeny-weeny, poor burger.

761. I wouldn't be so sure of that.

762. El Toro might be a lot smaller than The Mask,

763. but he isn't state champion for nothing.

764. That means nothing to us.

765. The Mask will turn this little cha-cha matador

766. into bull merde.

767. Bull merde?

768. Bull shit!

769. So, see you in the ring, El Toro!

770. Ladies and gentlemen,

771. the wrestling champion of the state of Georgia,

772. - El Toro. -That girl's got problems.

773. She ought to leave that French perfume back where it belongs.

774. You know, ladies and gentlemen,

775. you're the one that put this belt around me.

776. You are the one that gave me the chance

777. to prove myself in such a small body.

778. Now I'm gonna meet you, Mask.

779. You're nothing but a big, tall brute!

780. When you attack, you attack like a bull.

781. You don't attack with your mind.

782. You just attack with those big muscles of yours.

783. Well, all I have to offer

784. is this small body with a lot of brain,

785. a lot of swiftness, and a lot of speed.

786. And every time you see red, it's gonna be me, man,

787. set on fire!

788. So you just come here, Mask,

789. and bring that sidekick of yours,

790. and I'll teach her some manners!

791. El Toro, ladies and gentlemen.

792. Stay tuned. Looks like it's gonna be a good show tonight.

793. Who are you here to see?

794. Oh, I'm here to see El Toro.

795. I kind of like rooting for the little guy.

796. He gets wild and crazy, and that's what I'm here for.

797. El Toro, baby. El Toro.

798. And here he is,

799. a true son of the South,

800. 205 pounds of pure fury,

801. from Macon, Georgia...

802. El Toro!

803. Toro!

804. Toro!

805. MAN #2: El Toro!

806. Olé!

807. - Olé! -WOMAN #2: El Toro!

808. Olé!

809. Mi amor.

810. Olé!

811. Olé!

812. El Toro receives an immediate blow

813. from his massive opponent.

814. But he slips away. El Toro has slipped away.

815. And slams The Mask onto the mat.

816. El Toro breaks into his Dance of the Toreador,

817. and The Mask is baffled.

818. ANNOUNCER #2 The Mask's manager, Froufrou,

819. or whatever her name is, is begging her fighter

820. to get back in the ring and stop El Toro's dancing.

821. Ah, the brute is being embarrassed

822. something awful out there.

823. Come on, El Toro! Get The Mask!

824. Olé!

825. Go! Olé!

826. Angel Face, y'all suck!

827. So?

828. ANNOUNCER #1: El Toro catches The Mask

829. in an upside-down head scissors

830. and sends the confused Goliath sprawling over the ropes

831. - and out of the squared circle. -Olé!

832. El Toro follows him down

833. and is now doing the Toreador in the aisles!

834. Toro! Toro!

835. The Mask is a stunned wrestler right now.

836. He doesn't know what hit him.

837. El Toro slams him down again and stomps on his nose.

838. ANNOUNCER #2: And that's the real Dance of the Toreador.

839. He's gonna...

840. He's gonna jump!

841. But The Mask picks him up and hurls poor El Toro

842. - right onto the mat!

843. ANNOUNCER #1: Here comes about 280 pounds of steel!

844. El Toro just rolls out of the way.

845. El Toro fools The Mask

846. with a beautifully executed torpedo head butt!

847. Bravo!

848. ANNOUNCER #2: And The Mask

849. wants no part of this fight.

850. He runs for cover.

851. He knows when he's beat.

852. And El Toro makes sure the whole world knows it.

853. The ref is counting at The Mask.

854. One, two...

855. But El Toro isn't finished.

856. The Mask sure isn't what he's cracked up to be, is he, Jerry?

857. That man ought to be flitting around in a tutu somewhere.

858. Whoa! Hey!

859. ANNOUNCER #1: Ladies and gentlemen,

860. can you believe the acrobatics,

861. the athleticism of El Toro?

862. That man just took off and sailed over my head

863. and plowed like a comet from the skies

864. right into what's left of The Mask.

865. He picks up the dazed Mask, charges off the rope,

866. and — my goodness — collides with a brick wall!

867. ANNOUNCER #2: I declare!

868. ANNOUNCER #1: Wait a minute. The Mask seems okay.

869. He's revving up.

870. He drops El Toro with a crippling side suplex.

871. And a fight-stopping throat kick!

872. He's looking for meat now.

873. And he wants it raw.

874. The little bull is being pounded from beefcake into beefsteak.

875. ANNOUNCER #2: That is not funny, Jerry.

876. That's just not funny.

877. ANNOUNCER #1: You're right.

878. It's more like ground round.

879. And the fans are begging their hero to get off the ground.

880. Whoa!

881. Olé!

882. ANNOUNCER #1: He surprises everyone, especially The Mask.

883. El Toro is back.

884. He's back with a vengeance. A nose twist.

885. Stomach stomp.

886. And he-r-re's the dance!

887. A kick to The Mask's knee. Another one.

888. He's flailing in the ropes like a fish in a net.

889. But The Mask has untangled himself.

890. And El Toro, drunk with the scent of a victory,

891. finds himself in a tight squeeze.

892. ANNOUNCER #2: Well, balls of fire!

893. He's writhing in agony!

894. The Mask grabs those steps.

895. He's hauling it onto the mat for some reason.

896. That's illegal! Jerry, where's the referee?

897. That's grounds for disqualification.

898. ANNOUNCER #1: The brave El Toro, still dazed,

899. is buffeted mercilessly by The Mask.

900. Then he body-slams him into the stairs.

901. El Toro is hurting, ladies and gentlemen.

902. El Toro!

903. This is terrible. This is just awful.

904. This is not good wrestling, ladies and gentlemen.

905. I don't know what this is,

906. but there is malice behind that mask.

907. ANNOUNCER #2: It's a pitiful display of pain over here today.

908. - ANNOUNCER #1: He's hurt.

909. Get some medical attention in there to El Toro!

910. This place has turned into a Parthenon of pandemonium,

911. and I suggest, if you have any small children,

912. you get them away from your set right away.

913. Never in my six months of watching wrestling

914. have I seen anything as bloody and gory and violent as this.

915. - The Mask has no mercy! -This is awful.

916. I can't look anymore. I cannot look at this.

917. - MAN: Come on!

918. Oh, here we go. Oh. Uh...

919. We're here in Anaheim, California, where Wally George,

920. ultra-conservative talk-show host,

921. has invited The Mask to be a guest on his hot seat.

922. - The stupid jerk, The Mask. Yeah, he's sick.

923. - He stinks, doesn't he? -He's totally sick.

924. He tried to tell us that he's gonna be the next champion.

925. Baloney, right? Isn't that right?

926. Hey, listen to me! Are we gonna get this Mask

927. - and tear him apart?

928. Hey, tell me this. Is The Mask a phony?

929. Yeah! -Okay, let's go get him.

930. And now here is, Wally George!

931. Wally! Wally!

932. Wally! Wally!

933. Wally! Wally! Wally! Wally!

934. For you liberal lunatics out there,

935. this is the program that tells it the way it is.

936. I want you to take a look at a little phony film footage

937. so you can see at home, even when they try,

938. they can't do anything right in the Soviet Union.

939. Another ludicrous Commie trick.

940. Those stupid Russians don't know how to do anything right.

941. - Isn't that right? Commie!

942. - Commie! Commie! Commie! -Trying to...

943. Trying to discredit a tragic accident

944. that really happened in this great country

945. just a few years ago.

946. And I'll tell you, this film was smuggled into this country

947. from the Soviet Union by those wonderful people in the CIA!

948. Next up on the hot seat, he calls himself a disc jockey.

949. I call him a disc jerky. How about you, huh?

950. Wait a minute, now.

951. Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!

952. I've heard you on your stupid program.

953. You're a lousy role model for the kids

954. who are listening across America.

955. You are promoting Satanic worship, drugs, and violence.

956. - Am I right? Yeah!

957. Listen, dude...

958. Don't call me "dude"!

959. Alright. Listen, you might —

960. You prancing little pervert!

961. - Wait a minute.

962. How you doing, guys? Calm down.

963. - Alright, man. -And, by the way,

964. why didn't you put your pants on

965. before you came down here, huh?

966. Just don't get hostile now, okay?

967. Just calm down a little bit, alright?

968. This is, to distorted minds, the name of the song —

969. The Crosshair Band.

970. There's a hidden message in this.

971. Speaking of distorted minds,

972. - there he is, folks.

973. You guys be quiet now. I'm gonna turn it up

974. so you can hear this loud and clear, okay?

975. You're all gonna be happily...

976. Alright, now listen to this here.

977. I'll see if I can find it here.

978. Listen to this now.

979. Joe is Mask. -"Joe is Mask."

980. "Joe Is Mask." Can you hear that?

981. Joe is Mask, and you are nuts! What do you think?

982. Never mind. Never mind.

983. Wait a minute! Be careful with my record!

984. No, no! You can't do this!

985. Wait a minute! Don't break my record!

986. Don't break my record!

987. Get out of here!

988. Get out of here!

989. Get out of here!

990. Hey, I think now is the time we should go to the audience

991. and bring somebody up for some questions

992. and maybe a few comments.

993. And what's your name, sir?

994. Dr. Tweed.

995. What kind of a doctor are you, pal?

996. Sociology.

997. I took my PhD at the University of California.

998. You look like you need a doctor.

999. You know what I mean? Go ahead.

1000. Uh, I would like to, on behalf

1001. of the "Mad Dog Joe Is Mask" fan club,

1002. of which I am the founder and the president...

1003. to make you an honorary member, if you would so be, uh...

1004. Get back — Aw, what, are you flashing here or something?

1005. - Get back to the podium. -DR. Yes, sir.

1006. Okay, now, what's your question? Go ahead.

1007. Well, I just wanted to impress upon you this one thing, sir —

1008. And this is with all due respect,

1009. because I appreciate you...

1010. and I appreciate the men you have on your walls,

1011. and I appreciate the country.

1012. Say what you want to say!

1013. Mad Dog Joe... is The Mask.

1014. - You are an idiot! -I have been interview—

1015. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Here's what I think

1016. of your official...

1017. Put him back in his seat!

1018. - Alright. Hold up. Hold up. Put him in his seat.

1019. Just sit down and shut up!

1020. Now, here's what this program is all about.

1021. Now you're gonna meet this idiot himself.

1022. The man we've been talking about.

1023. He calls himself The Mask,

1024. and he's masquerading as Mad Dog Joe De Curso,

1025. and he's bringing along with him his ding-dong manager.

1026. Let's bring them out right now! Here they are!

1027. Alright. Sit down.

1028. Okay. Now, you are the manager of this guy.

1029. Let me ask you this — Is he Joe De Curso?

1030. - Hey, numskull. Yes? -You know, Wally.

1031. - What's that? -When you become a big star,

1032. a lot of jealous people say many things.

1033. But don't trust them. It's not true.

1034. You know that, Wally, because you're a very big, big star.

1035. - Don't you? -Well, uh...

1036. since you put it that way...

1037. No, now come on! Don't try to do that to me!

1038. Now, what I'm asking is — I want to know —

1039. And why don't you say something, idiot?

1040. Are you Joe De Curso, or aren't you?

1041. Speak to me. Listen, I'm —

1042. I'm asking you a question, and I want an answer from you.

1043. Are you Joe De Curso?

1044. And don't give me any of your bull!

1045. I want an answer!

1046. Are you Joe De Curso?

1047. You look like a pantywaist to me.

1048. I want to know — Get your hand —

1049. Get him away from me! You idiot!

1050. - MAN: Hey, hey!

1051. Aah!

1052. Thanks for doing this interview.

1053. I appreciate your change in attitude towards the media.

1054. You're welcome.

1055. We do exactly as we want when it comes to the media.

1056. The Mask is ready to show the world

1057. that he's not flash in the pan.

1058. Tonight, he will be wrestling the Fourth Wonder of the World,

1059. the Great Pyramid.

1060. He's a terrific fighting machine

1061. with the strength of four "bemoths."

1062. - What? -"Bemoths."

1063. - Behemoths. -Yes, "bemoths."

1064. You talked, didn't you?

1065. Is this Mad Dog Joe De Curso?

1066. Who told you to ask me that question?

1067. Nobody. I make up my own questions.

1068. Don't never ask me that question again. Never!

1069. Ow!

1070. From the land of the pharaohs,

1071. the Great Pyramid!

1072. Come on, you big lug. Come on, come on.

1073. - MAN #2: Come on. Come on. -MAN #3: You're nothing.

1074. MAN #4: Come on. You're nothing. Come on. Cross this line.

1075. Go, Mask!

1076. Allez!

1077. MAN #1: Alright, you guys. Come on. Let's get back.

1078. MAN #2: Come on. Come on.

1079. Hey, no wrestling by committee.

1080. Hey! Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!

1081. You alright? Can I help you?

1082. Okay, I'll get him this time. I got him.

1083. MAN #2: Hey, hey! Hey, hey!

1084. I think it's going rather well, don't you?

1085. MAN #3: Come on, guys. Come on, let's go.

1086. Whew! Okay. Come on. We got him this time.

1087. Come on, guys. Oh, oh!

1088. MAN #1: The knee. Get him in the knee.

1089. MAN #2: Pick him up. Pick him up.

1090. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Faster, faster, faster, faster.

1091. - You're through. -What?

1092. What do you mean?

1093. Alright! Yeah!

1094. Come here! Son of a bitch!

1095. Come here! Please don't leave!

1096. - Come here!

1097. He's just a little upset, that's all.

1098. If I was a betting man, and I didn't work for free,

1099. I'd bet a month's salary that under that clumsy headgear,

1100. The Mask's face is beet red with embarrassment.

1101. It's been a week of bad P.R. for The Mask,

1102. who rightly blames his ex-manager, Angel Face,

1103. who resembles less a manager

1104. than perhaps a small aquarium fish

1105. with perhaps a small amount of brain damage.

1106. First, there was the Georgia title match.

1107. Oh, The Mask beat El Toro all right,

1108. but beating a hometown boy in the boy's hometown

1109. can even make the faceless Mask lose face.

1110. From that frying pan, Angel Face really put

1111. The Mask into the fire. The Mask got burnt.

1112. Angel Face felt the heat.

1113. And the match against the Human Pyramid just never ignited.

1114. So now The Mask has a new manager,

1115. the "Golden Greek" John Tolos, and it remains to be seen

1116. how he will do in the upcoming battle royale.

1117. I can't stand the suspense. Can you?

1118. Frankly, I only pay attention to professional wrestling

1119. because I can't afford cable television.

1120. If I could afford cable, the money might be better spent

1121. hiring a hit man or deadly poisons to have

1122. not only wrestlers, but all athletes put to sleep.

1123. I hate sports, and now stay tuned

1124. for the "'Exotic' Adrian's Street Show."

1125. I got to go.

1126. Mwah! Good evening, viewers.

1127. Welcome, once again, to "'Exotic' Adrian's Street."

1128. And, tonight, my guests are The Mask,

1129. who is now being handled by his new manager,

1130. Mr. John Tolos, the Golden Greek.

1131. So, this is "'Exotic' Adrian's Street."

1132. Tell me, Mr. Tolos, who is this person?

1133. This person is The Mask.

1134. Everybody thought that all the stars were in the sky,

1135. but I have news for you and everybody else —

1136. that this is the star.

1137. No one has even come this close in beating him,

1138. in defeating him!

1139. Anyone that ever steps in the ring with my boy

1140. is like stepping in the ring in the middle of a hurricane,

1141. stepping in the middle of an earthquake,

1142. stepping in the middle of a tornado.

1143. He flattens everyone.

1144. Anyone in his way, he flattens.

1145. No one has ever defeated him.

1146. No one!

1147. What about the Human Pyramid?

1148. - The Human Pyramid? -Mm-hmm.

1149. Let me tell you something.

1150. He was managed by that French poodle.

1151. All she was good for is to rip her brassiere off

1152. and rip her panties off and light a match, and boom,

1153. and all of a sudden, she thought she was a wrestling manager!

1154. She was absolutely nothing!

1155. So they deported her back to France.

1156. Her and her French poodle!

1157. - You know — -You understand a man talking?

1158. Of course I-I understand viciousness.

1159. I — There's nobody that understands viciousness

1160. more than me, dear.

1161. I mean, I can be a bitch.

1162. I could kill a man eventually.

1163. I mean, what do you think about a mask, Miss Linda?

1164. I think he's hiding behind that

1165. 'cause he's a bit of a sissy, don't you?

1166. - I think it... -Looks that way, doesn't it?

1167. It does, doesn't it? Look at those pale blue eyes.

1168. Look at those long eyelashes and that golden mustache.

1169. I bet you're really cute underneath.

1170. You're rather cute yourself, dear.

1171. - Mwah.

1172. So, what about this tournament?

1173. When that battle royale appears very soon,

1174. this man shall be the winner

1175. and the new champion of the world!

1176. Hmm. Don't forget I'm going to be in that battle royale, too.

1177. Let me tell you something —

1178. Don't lose your head over it, Street.

1179. Don't lose your head over it.

1180. We just happen to have

1181. a little surprise for you right now.

1182. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce another guest —

1183. Captain Carnage?

1184. Welcome to my show, Mr. Carnage.

1185. Oh, thank you. It's a pleasure to be on.

1186. I'm sure it is.

1187. Let me ask you one question.

1188. This is the question all the viewers want to know.

1189. Is this man Mad Dog Joe De Curso?

1190. No, Adrian. -Mm!

1191. This is not Mad Dog Joe!

1192. Joe De Curso was a credit to wrestling.

1193. You, you're scum!

1194. Ooh!

1195. Oh, hey, now, now, now, now...

1196. Well, viewers, that ends

1197. another "'Exotic' Adrian's Street."

1198. Goodbye.

1199. What do you think the connection is

1200. between rock 'n' roll and wrestling?

1201. I don't think there is any connection

1202. between rock 'n' roll and wrestling.

1203. I think wrestling sucks.

1204. What don't you like about it?

1205. Well, it's just all these beefcakes sitting on each other.

1206. I really don't get the point.

1207. I mean, what came first anyway —

1208. rock 'n' roll or wrestling?

1209. Think about it.

1210. Rock 'n' roll!

1211. As assistant to the assistant

1212. to the assistant to the mayor himself,

1213. it is my duty to read the following to you

1214. with the most personal and intimate regards.

1215. "I had wanted to present your name or names here

1216. with the key to the city,

1217. but instead, I would like you to receive

1218. these lovely snowflake paperweights

1219. as a token of our city's hospitality."

1220. "Good luck. Insert name of event here.

1221. Sincerely, your mayor."

1222. What is it you like about wrestling?

1223. Violence.

1224. What's the wildest thing you ever saw in the ring?

1225. Well, I remember that time

1226. Mad Dog had a decapitation going for him.

1227. - Okay.

1228. Mad Dog's just a figment of your imagination.

1229. Is Mad Dog The Mask?

1230. They got very similar styles,

1231. but until we see it without the mask, who knows?

1232. Each one has got his own technique.

1233. The other man, he counters with his own technique,

1234. and it takes a good man to win.

1235. So, Dr. Tweed,

1236. you must be very excited about this evening.

1237. Well, I'm flying high, you know, au naturel, of course.

1238. You look nice. You look nice in your tux.

1239. Thank you. Do you think The Mask is gonna win tonight?

1240. Oh, yeah. He's gonna be top dog.

1241. You know what I mean?

1242. Mad Dog is The Mask.

1243. Do you think there's going to be a decapitation?

1244. No.

1245. Well...

1246. You know, history could repeat itself tonight.

1247. I feel in the mood for decapitating somebody,

1248. and it could have —

1249. That head, when it rolls, could just be covered in a mask.

1250. Why the red and black makeup?

1251. I want to see blood tonight, blood, blood!

1252. I've seen wrists broken.

1253. I've seen lacerations, compressed dicks — disks,

1254. and even a broken neck.

1255. It's not a pretty sight.

1256. So what do you think about professional wrestling?

1257. Um, I think it's a good form of sublimation for the spectator.

1258. What do you like best about it?

1259. - I like the pain! -Violence!

1260. Violence, the blood, the hitting, the kicking.

1261. It's just great.

1262. I love the glistening bodies full of sweat smashing together

1263. and the flexing and their muscles just bulging

1264. with their veins sticking out.

1265. I just love it.

1266. Love those bodies! Give them to me, baby.

1267. Any special glistening part?

1268. Oh, uh...

1269. Talk to me about wrestling. Talk to me about Mr. T.

1270. Talk to me about Mr. Hulk. I love them all.

1271. I love you. Let me tell you something, babe.

1272. Mad Dog and I

1273. were at the Diana Ross concert on Central Park.

1274. We broke up a lot of crowd-control things.

1275. - We were — -So Mad —

1276. We — We were a team together.

1277. Mad Dog isn't dead, then.

1278. Mad Dog is alive and well.

1279. Let me tell you, don't ever count him out.

1280. You ever count him out, you're finished.

1281. I'll come after you myself.

1282. Uggams, the director.

1283. Charles, may I call you Charles?

1284. Um, I would just like to get some of your thoughts

1285. and opinions about tonight's upcoming battle royale

1286. and specifically The Mask and —

1287. The Mask is irrelevant.

1288. What's important is Mask Madness and the news and wrestling.

1289. You understand that?

1290. - Yeah. -Of course you don't.

1291. What is this you're making here? This an educational video?

1292. You get a grant for this?

1293. No. We're making a documentary about wrestling.

1294. You know the three most boring words in the English language?

1295. - "Parade." -"Parade."

1296. - "Museum." -"Museum."

1297. - And "documentary." -"Documentary."

1298. And there's only one thing I hate more than a parade.

1299. That's you, Uggams.

1300. Take my ticket.

1301. I'm going to the press box.

1302. Commie Warhead, are you intimidated by the prospect

1303. of going into the ring with The Mask?

1304. I like when big fat men hit the ground!

1305. That's what I like, and now there's gonna be

1306. a lot of big fat men hitting the ground!

1307. That's for you, and this is for The Mask

1308. or anybody else who tries to stand between me and the belt.

1309. Captain Carnage is gonna be the new champ

1310. because I'm hungry!

1311. The Mask and The Golden Greek...

1312. Say it!

1313. The Mask and The Golden Greek...

1314. - ... are the greatest! -... are the greatest.

1315. Now say it all at once.

1316. The Mask and The Golden Greek are the greatest.

1317. And don't you ever forget it, and don't you ever forget it!

1318. Do you like girl wrestlers?

1319. - Female wrestlers, man. That's my favorite.

1320. When they take off their clothes and...

1321. Ugh, I love it!

1322. And then they wrestle me.

1323. Women wrestling, I love it.

1324. I love it. I love it.

1325. I love the women.

1326. I just — I just like them.

1327. I wouldn't go out with her again.

1328. Even if she was as pretty as me.

1329. Your attention, please! Your attention, please!

1330. Tonight, here in the world-famous Olympic Auditorium

1331. in Los Angeles, California, will be a battle royal

1332. for the undisputed wrestling championship of the world!

1333. Presenting Sammy White, the People's Choice!

1334. - Rip Miller!

1335. Ladies and gents, here come the wrestlers into the ring,

1336. all bloody 12 of them.

1337. MAN #2: Good evening, sports fans.

1338. The excitement is really melting here for this battle royale.

1339. Cowboy Steve, Woody Farmer.

1340. Mike "The Alaskan" York!

1341. Black Hawke!

1342. American Starship Eagle!

1343. The Exotic Adrian Street and his valet, Miss Linda!

1344. I read an interesting statistic in the paper today.

1345. It said that more babies were born

1346. in the city of Los Angeles this past week

1347. than in any other week in the city's history,

1348. and 22 of those babies were either named Mad Dog or Mask.

1349. Commie Warhead!

1350. Captain Carnage and his manager, Sweet Lola.

1351. And finally, The Mask

1352. and his manager, John Tolos, The Golden Greek!

1353. Alright, gentlemen, come in here, please.

1354. The rules for the match are as follows.

1355. To be disqualified, a man must be thrown over the top rope,

1356. out of the ring, or be pinned.

1357. The last man that's standing in the ring will be the champion.

1358. This is not a timed bout.

1359. The bout will begin when the bell rings.

1360. Good luck, gentlemen.

1361. Good luck to each and every one of you.

1362. Good luck and...

1363. Adrian Street finds himself once again

1364. in an unnatural position.

1365. There's a carnival-like atmosphere here tonight.

1366. You can feel the air of expectancy in the crowd.

1367. They didn't just come to see

1368. an old-fashioned brand of wrestling.

1369. They've come to see the blood-and-guts showdown

1370. that will crown the new prince of the wrestling universe!

1371. Aah!

1372. This is true savagery.

1373. It is Armageddon out there,

1374. and this is the survival of the fittest.

1375. The fans are hysterical.

1376. The whole building is rocking!

1377. These men are modern-day gladiators

1378. as they absorb blows, slams, cuts, and kicks.

1379. But there's no sign of exhaustion in these men.

1380. Each has fought long and hard

1381. for the opportunity to be here tonight,

1382. each trying to prove himself worthy

1383. of the title that's been in limbo for so long.

1384. I have to call this the Battle of the Bulge.

1385. There are a lot of unresolved Oedipal complexes

1386. happening out there right now.

1387. Lots of old scores to settle here tonight,

1388. and I don't mean in a gentlemanly fashion.

1389. We're not talking pistols and 20 paces today.

1390. This is America!

1391. The Mask is landing blows left and right.

1392. He's got the Exotic Adrian Street in a headlock.

1393. He gouges at his eyes.

1394. Mike "The Alaskan" York and his Russian neighbor

1395. are working on Captain Carnage,

1396. while Rip Miller gives an airplane spin to Cowboy Steve.

1397. And down he goes.

1398. Miller body-presses him.

1399. Hey, what's going on here?

1400. I feel like I'm in a meat-packing plant.

1401. Three tons of flesh

1402. are now heaped on top of poor Cowboy Steve.

1403. Out!

1404. He's put on the stretcher,

1405. but The Mask mercilessly kicks him

1406. to the auditorium floor.

1407. The blows are coming fast and furious.

1408. Woody Farmer lifts Sammy White over his head

1409. and throws the People's Choice onto the concrete.

1410. Mask slugs Rip Miller and is now going after the Commie Warhead,

1411. banging his fist into the Commie's eye!

1412. Now, now! Attack!

1413. Mask stomps brutally on Rip Miller's back.

1414. Miller is down and in obvious pain

1415. as The Mask tramples him again and again.

1416. And Miller's out of the ring,

1417. his hopes for victory gone forever.

1418. Oh, sweet mother. Can you believe it?

1419. What's this?

1420. Adrian Street escapes from American Starship Eagle's pin

1421. with the help of his new friend The Mask.

1422. The Eagle has reversed the roles.

1423. He's pounding The Mask into the corner,

1424. and Tolos, Tolos is pulling on the Eagle's ankles!

1425. And what's this?

1426. The Eagle is so irate, he's going after The Golden Greek.

1427. The fans are hysterical.

1428. The whole building is rocking!

1429. The Mask looks for his next victim

1430. and, boom, catches the Eagle and kicks him over the ropes.

1431. Ladies and gentlemen, the Eagle has landed!

1432. And now John Tolos is picking the security chain up.

1433. That's illegal, John.

1434. Neither of those men got enough parental attention as babies.

1435. Captain Carnage looks like a bleeding walnut!

1436. Adrian has the Commie by the hair.

1437. And ka-pow!

1438. Adrian Street has rammed the Commie Warhead's head

1439. into the post, thus making the world safe for democracy.

1440. Slam him! Slam him again!

1441. Street crashes into the turnbuckle.

1442. He's been double-crossed, and he demands an apology.

1443. The mayhem outside has clearly diverted everyone's attention

1444. from the main attraction

1445. as The Mask loops the ropes around Captain Carnage's neck.

1446. He's got him in the hangman.

1447. It's Mad Dog!

1448. It's Mad Dog!

1449. Joe, Joe!

1450. DR. Leslie, Leslie.

1451. Hey, are you a sight for sore eyes.

1452. - How you doing, huh? -Pretty good.

1453. I bet you stopped by to buy

1454. a pair of sheepskin seat covers for your ride.

1455. No, I got a couple. I just haven't put them in the car.

1456. - Sell it to you wholesale. -It's okay.

1457. I came by to talk about my movie.

1458. Oh, yeah, well, tell me. How'd it turn out, huh?

1459. Well, it doesn't really have the big resolution at the end,

1460. you know, the big heart-stopping,

1461. throat-grabbing kind of ending that I want.

1462. Joe came back. Redemption! That's the ending.

1463. No, he was the 13th man in the ring.

1464. He got disqualified.

1465. So?

1466. So he retired from wrestling.

1467. You know he and Lola took off?

1468. First, we didn't know where he was.

1469. Now we don't know where he is.

1470. And we still don't know who The Mask was.

1471. He was a wrestler.

1472. He's wrestling right now as the Human Icebox.

1473. - Can you beat that? -I didn't know that.

1474. Oh, how could these guys — How can they do this to me?

1475. You know, I have all of my mom's money sunk into this movie,

1476. and I don't have the big ending that I need.

1477. I have got 90,000 feet of film in a storage space somewhere,

1478. and I need that — boom, boom — big ending, you know,

1479. and that's why I'm here to talk to you, Tweed.

1480. Maybe you can get back in a cab,

1481. and we can put the bones back on the hubcaps

1482. and on the steering wheel,

1483. and we can drive around now just interviewing.

1484. You got to wrap things up for me.

1485. What do you say, Tweed?

1486. What about dinner?

1487. Yeah.

1488. You know, there's a nice little place down here

1489. called Mom's, got the best ribs in town.

1490. You know, got pork, got beef, got a good chili going with it.

1491. You know what I mean? They got some —

1492. They got some chicken there that's out of sight.

1493. They also have some sweet potato pie there that'll knock you out,

1494. some lemon cake, oh, my God.

1495. But you look like you put on a couple pounds.

1496. Things haven't been all that bad, have they?

1497. Well, I just eat at wrong times.

1498. I eat enough but just not at the right times.

1499. Hey, all you kids.

1500. You think you're so beautiful.

1501. Not exercising every day.

1502. Well, look at these shoulders.

1503. Look at these pecs.

1504. Look at this neck.

1505. Look at this head.

1506. Rock 'n' roll!