1. Meow.Copy !req
2. Mmm, no.Copy !req
3. That song makes
my tail hurt.Copy !req
4. Deck the halls?Copy !req
5. Deck me in the face.Copy !req
6. Hello, hi, how are you?Copy !req
7. Welcome to Grumpy Cat's
Worst Christmas Ever.Copy !req
8. The movie.Copy !req
9. You don't have to watch itCopy !req
10. but I know you're going to,
so.Copy !req
11. If you do you might
be treated toCopy !req
12. high speed car chases.Copy !req
13. Meow, meow!Copy !req
14. Out of my way buddy!Copy !req
15. Pull over, Grumpy!Copy !req
16. We've got you surrounded.Copy !req
17. Huge explosions.Copy !req
18. Boom.Copy !req
19. Bang.Copy !req
20. That was huge.Copy !req
21. A hero in a leotard and cape
who saves the world.Copy !req
22. And who doesn't look like
a puppet.Copy !req
23. At all.Copy !req
24. That way I can enjoy
your disappointmentCopy !req
25. when you realize this movie
is just a sappy melodramaCopy !req
26. mostly about me,
Grumpy Cat.Copy !req
27. You're welcome.Copy !req
28. You're welcome.Copy !req
29. God, this is already annoying.Copy !req
30. Anyway, our terrible story
begins here.Copy !req
31. At this big thing called
a mall.Copy !req
32. It's a soul sucking bastion
of consumerismCopy !req
33. which serves to drain people's
bank accountsCopy !req
34. and alienate them from
the true meaning of life.Copy !req
35. In other words I love it.Copy !req
36. Look at me, see?Copy !req
37. See? Can't you tell
that I love it?Copy !req
38. I love it because it's evil,
okay?Copy !req
39. This is where I call home.Copy !req
40. Customer!Copy !req
41. Customer!Copy !req
42. Customer!Copy !req
43. Choose me!
Choose me!Copy !req
44. I never get chosen.Copy !req
45. Grovelers.Copy !req
46. They all think some human
is going to walk in hereCopy !req
47. and purchase one of them.Copy !req
48. Ha!Copy !req
49. Welcome to Whiskers,
where the animals don't bite...Copy !req
50. Unless provoked.Copy !req
51. Humph!Copy !req
52. Over here, pick me!Copy !req
53. Don't buy into the hype
about snakes!Copy !req
54. That's Carla.Copy !req
55. The happiest snake
on the planet.Copy !req
56. So, you know,
already not a big fan.Copy !req
57. I am totally cool, promise.Copy !req
58. Hey lady!Copy !req
59. Over here!Copy !req
60. I'm cuter!Copy !req
61. Plus I chew chair legs,
shoes, leather purses.Copy !req
62. Darn, almost had her.Copy !req
63. That's Jacky.Copy !req
64. He's super hyper
and super annoying,Copy !req
65. plus he's a dog, so...Copy !req
66. I don't like him.Copy !req
67. You can ignore them,
madam.Copy !req
68. I'm well bred and well read.Copy !req
69. I can even talk.Copy !req
70. Hands in the air,
sucker!Copy !req
71. So, that's Wilson.Copy !req
72. A very stupid parrot.Copy !req
73. Oh, did I mention that
I'm easy to clean up after?Copy !req
74. All I require is a newspaper
subscription for the messCopy !req
75. I make in my cage.Copy !req
76. Wait, where are you going?Copy !req
77. Oh drat.Copy !req
78. Not going to happen,
people.Copy !req
79. We're all going to die
in here.Copy !req
80. Hey, check out this spin class
of one, lady!Copy !req
81. See these hamster hamstrings?Copy !req
82. They're like sinewy
pistons of steel.Copy !req
83. That's Lance.Copy !req
84. He looks like a rat but
I guess he's a gerbil,Copy !req
85. a gym rat gerbil.Copy !req
86. Woo, work it down,
work it up!Copy !req
87. Take it up, work it back!Copy !req
88. Work it down,
work it up!Copy !req
89. Take it up, work it back!Copy !req
90. Me, I don't want to leave.Copy !req
91. I'm grumpy right where I am.Copy !req
92. Better not to get
your hopes up.Copy !req
93. Told you, she's just buying
fish food.Copy !req
94. Grumpy, you are a jerk.Copy !req
95. And you, honey,
are delusional.Copy !req
96. At least we weren't returned
twice like you, Grumpy.Copy !req
97. Twice.Copy !req
98. All she does is frown.Copy !req
99. And all he does is whine
about it,Copy !req
100. am I right mom?Copy !req
101. She does seem a little
grumpy.Copy !req
102. Can I trade her for a fish?Copy !req
103. As if that bothered me.Copy !req
104. I never even think
about those people.Copy !req
105. I'm a superstar.Copy !req
106. Super model, super dog,
super hair, super fur.Copy !req
107. Oh, I just love me.Copy !req
108. What the heck are you?Copy !req
109. A science experiment
gone bad?Copy !req
110. More like a science
experiment gone right.Copy !req
111. Check out my beautiful locks,
they flow like a waterfall.Copy !req
112. Woosh!Copy !req
113. Freak.Copy !req
114. Customer!Copy !req
115. Customer!Copy !req
116. I'm available!Copy !req
117. Customer, over here!Copy !req
118. Choose me, choose me!Copy !req
119. Hi, you must be Marcus.Copy !req
120. I'm Gill Brockman,
your new mall rep.Copy !req
121. What can I do for you?Copy !req
122. There's just the small matter
of your rent being in arrears,Copy !req
123. deadbeat.Copy !req
124. Uh, did you just call me
a deadbeat?Copy !req
125. Deadbeat? No, of course not.Copy !req
126. Loser.Copy !req
127. Okay, now I heard you
call me a loser.Copy !req
128. Why would I call you that?Copy !req
129. I don't know.Copy !req
130. Because you haven't met
your financial obligationsCopy !req
131. in a timely manner and
I'm going to evict you?Copy !req
132. Wait, what?Copy !req
133. Are you saying I could lose
my terrible home?Copy !req
134. Gill, I can assure you
I will have your moneyCopy !req
135. by the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
136. Thank you, Marcus.Copy !req
137. You're a saviour.Copy !req
138. You are seriously behind,
how do you plan to do that?Copy !req
139. You see this cat?Copy !req
140. Who, me?Copy !req
141. I plan to make her the most
famous internet memeCopy !req
142. of all time.Copy !req
143. Work it, show me sexy.Copy !req
144. Now show me danger,
just like that.Copy !req
145. Show me fierce.Copy !req
146. Jubilation.Copy !req
147. Overjoyed.Copy !req
148. You're a little girl
on a spring day.Copy !req
149. Sushi.Copy !req
150. Lots of sushi.Copy !req
151. I'm a natural.Copy !req
152. All we need is a picture of
Grumpy saying something likeCopy !req
153. uh I had fun once,
it was awful.Copy !req
154. I mean, you put that on
the internet thingamabobCopy !req
155. and that is sure to go viral.Copy !req
156. Her face will launch
a thousand products.Copy !req
157. Everything from t-shirts
to coffee mugs.Copy !req
158. After that, TV appearances
and oh, I don't know, maybeCopy !req
159. a Lifetime movie.Copy !req
160. You are a genius!Copy !req
161. Like any of that would
really happen.Copy !req
162. Me? Become an internet
celebrity?Copy !req
163. I mean, wouldn't I need
to have some sort of talentCopy !req
164. like this guy?Copy !req
165. Or this weirdo?Copy !req
166. Or whatever this is?Copy !req
167. Yeah, I can't do any
of that stuff.Copy !req
168. So, I'm revising the previous
scene, okay?Copy !req
169. You are seriously behind,
how do you plan to do that?Copy !req
170. With this dog.Copy !req
171. Hi there.Copy !req
172. Oh, is that what you are.Copy !req
173. He just happens to be the
most expensive LeonbergerCopy !req
174. in the world.Copy !req
175. Let that sink in,
kitty cat.Copy !req
176. Someone would actually
pay for you?Copy !req
177. He's worth a million dollars,
whoops.Copy !req
178. Shut the front door.Copy !req
179. Shut the back door too.Copy !req
180. Shut all the doors.Copy !req
181. A million? Really?Copy !req
182. With an M?Copy !req
183. That sounds like a MacGuffin
to me, whatever that means.Copy !req
184. I call that a bargain.Copy !req
185. I should be worth a billion,
with a B.Copy !req
186. Buh.Copy !req
187. I've got a buyer and guess
what that moneyCopy !req
188. is going to put me back
in the black.Copy !req
189. Why didn't you say that
in the first place?Copy !req
190. I think the words you're
looking for are thank you.Copy !req
191. Yeah, the press are coming
by this afternoonCopy !req
192. and they're doing a big story
on how he saved Whiskers.Copy !req
193. Yeah.Copy !req
194. Then I guess we have nothing
else to discuss.Copy !req
195. Too de loo.Copy !req
196. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
197. Loser.Copy !req
198. What did you say?Copy !req
199. What did I say?Copy !req
200. Merry Christmas, sir.Copy !req
201. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
202. Deadbeat.Copy !req
203. Um, we didn't formally meet.Copy !req
204. I'm Jo-Jo.Copy !req
205. Oh, my name is I don't care.Copy !req
206. Oh, yes.Copy !req
207. Wait a minute, that thing
gets the prime real estate?Copy !req
208. Oh, this is where I belong.Copy !req
209. In the spotlight
for all to see.Copy !req
210. Go ahead, feel free
to take photos.Copy !req
211. Selfies are extra.Copy !req
212. What am I, tuna tartare?Copy !req
213. I've never had that spot.Copy !req
214. And I've been here
the longest!Copy !req
215. Maybe it's because
you don't smile.Copy !req
216. Brat.Copy !req
217. Time to meet our awful
movie's heroine.Copy !req
218. There she is, look at her.Copy !req
219. Hahaha!Copy !req
220. With second billing
behind me,Copy !req
221. Aubrey Plaza as Grumpy Cat.Copy !req
222. This is Crystal.Copy !req
223. Humanity's last hope
on a dying planet.Copy !req
224. Oh, I'm sorry, too much?Copy !req
225. Alright, she's an evolved
organism with a heart of gold.Copy !req
226. My least favourite trait
but facts are facts.Copy !req
227. And this story is nothing
if not factual.Copy !req
228. You know, like Santa Claus.Copy !req
229. Hey Roger!Copy !req
230. Hello Crystal!Copy !req
231. You're fat.Copy !req
232. You're not exactly anorexic.Copy !req
233. Ho, ho, ho, ho.Copy !req
234. Yo Mat, what's up?Copy !req
235. Living the dream.Copy !req
236. Hey Monica.Copy !req
237. Hey Crystal, how was
school today?Copy !req
238. Ola, Alejandro.Copy !req
239. Como estas?Copy !req
240. Feliz Navidad!Copy !req
241. Here's your turkey and swiss,
Wiffledorf.Copy !req
242. I will be Jesse again in a few
hours when I get off work.Copy !req
243. Oh, you'll always be Wiffledorf
to me.Copy !req
244. Ouch.Copy !req
245. Speaking of which my feet
are killing me.Copy !req
246. Any chance you can use
your in with SantaCopy !req
247. to get mama a new pair of shoes
for Christmas?Copy !req
248. Blah, blah, blah, b-story,
not my line, not my line,Copy !req
249. not my line.Copy !req
250. Meow.Copy !req
251. I would but Santa and I are
not on speaking terms right now.Copy !req
252. What? Why?Copy !req
253. Guy's a slave driver.Copy !req
254. Always on our backs.Copy !req
255. You would not believe
the working conditions.Copy !req
256. Really?Copy !req
257. Two words. Sweat shop.Copy !req
258. So, I've actually led a revolt
to unionize the North Pole.Copy !req
259. Will you get it worked out
before Christmas?Copy !req
260. I hope so.Copy !req
261. For the tots.Copy !req
262. Dude, are you ever going
to eat that sandwich?Copy !req
263. Mmm, is that turkey?Copy !req
264. But that's not to say that
a certain little elfCopy !req
265. wouldn't love to build you a
new pair while he's on strike.Copy !req
266. Be careful flirting with me.Copy !req
267. Last time that happened
it endedCopy !req
268. in a spectacularly
awful divorce.Copy !req
269. Huh.Copy !req
270. Have you given any more thought
to the party tonight?Copy !req
271. Everyone's coming.Copy !req
272. You mean, like the other elves?Copy !req
273. The Cinnabon crew?Copy !req
274. That's exactly
who I mean.Copy !req
275. All the cool kids.Copy !req
276. Come on, stupid Christmas games,
ugly sweater contest.Copy !req
277. Oh, just say yes already mom.Copy !req
278. The poor guy's been trying
to ask you out for a month.Copy !req
279. Alright.Copy !req
280. Yes!Copy !req
281. I'll go.Copy !req
282. But only if you come
with me.Copy !req
283. Ulgh!Copy !req
284. Fine.Copy !req
285. But don't try and pull anything,
I'll be watching.Copy !req
286. Crystal.Copy !req
287. I've got to go I'm late
for work.Copy !req
288. Hang on.Copy !req
289. We talked about you making
some friends at your new school.Copy !req
290. How's that going?Copy !req
291. Great, today I totally nodded to
the girls locker next to mine.Copy !req
292. Does that count?Copy !req
293. Totally try harder.Copy !req
294. Okay. Can I go now?Copy !req
295. Isn't she a little young
to have a job?Copy !req
296. Oh, that's just
what she calls it.Copy !req
297. She's helping out
at the pet store.Copy !req
298. I just wish she hung out
with some actual peopleCopy !req
299. for a change you know.Copy !req
300. One's her own age preferably.Copy !req
301. Probably just needs time.Copy !req
302. This will be her first Christmas
without seeing her dad.Copy !req
303. Ah.Copy !req
304. The dirtbag.Copy !req
305. Don't forget your sweater.Copy !req
306. Meow.Copy !req
307. Oh yeah, when I smell it it
makes me feel likeCopy !req
308. I'm actually in Paris.Copy !req
309. It's our most popular seller.Copy !req
310. And then there's George.Copy !req
311. AKA the Ladykiller.Copy !req
312. Well, if only I had a special
lady friend to give it to I...Copy !req
313. Hey, did you hear about
my latest bust?Copy !req
314. No, sorry.Copy !req
315. What, are you kidding?Copy !req
316. Everyone's talking about it!Copy !req
317. Oh yeah, the perp was 14
but he was big.Copy !req
318. I mean, he had you know
man muscles.Copy !req
319. Obviously he pumped iron,
of course so do I.Copy !req
320. Anyway, something about his
behaviour didn't add upCopy !req
321. he was lingering around the
fancy jean section too longCopy !req
322. and between you and me he
didn't look like the kind of kidCopy !req
323. who could afford them.Copy !req
324. Is that profiling?Copy !req
325. Well, maybe. Did it
work this time?Copy !req
326. You bet your butt it did.Copy !req
327. Well, the minute those
jeans wentCopy !req
328. into the knapsack it was on.Copy !req
329. I mean, he tried to get away but
obviously I'm pretty agile so.Copy !req
330. George, thanks for visiting
but I need to take my break.Copy !req
331. Oh yeah.Copy !req
332. Oh, sure of course
hey manCopy !req
333. you've been on your
feet all day.Copy !req
334. I'll go prevent some crime.Copy !req
335. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
336. No rascal today, George?Copy !req
337. Hey, Crystal.Copy !req
338. How many times have I told you
it is an ARVCopy !req
339. or for those people not
in the biz,Copy !req
340. Asset Recovery Vehicle.Copy !req
341. But don't you need it
to chase bad guys?Copy !req
342. I'm leveling the playing field.Copy !req
343. Let them think they have
a chance.Copy !req
344. But we know they don't!Copy !req
345. That's right.Copy !req
346. Hi!Copy !req
347. I'm Crystal.Copy !req
348. We have fifth period together?Copy !req
349. So?Copy !req
350. Well, I was thinking we
could maybe put togetherCopy !req
351. like a study group
or something.Copy !req
352. It could be a lot of fun.Copy !req
353. Yeah, that sounds awesome.Copy !req
354. I'll definitely RSVP
no to that.Copy !req
355. Do we look like
a bunch of nerds?Copy !req
356. What a dork.Copy !req
357. As if we actually need
to get smarter.Copy !req
358. Ah, the youth.Copy !req
359. They'd better hope
to marry rich.Copy !req
360. And then there's Zach
and Donny,Copy !req
361. the future of our great country.Copy !req
362. Think she'll like it, Zach?Copy !req
363. As if you value my opinion.Copy !req
364. God help us all.Copy !req
365. It's band issues.Copy !req
366. It's nice, I just can't have
the fiancee of Dragon Tail'sCopy !req
367. lead singer wearing
something so...Copy !req
368. Dainty?Copy !req
369. Yeah, dainty.Copy !req
370. Dainty!Copy !req
371. Show me the biggest rock
you got.Copy !req
372. We did just sign a major
recording contract.Copy !req
373. Dude! We're in the middle
of a thing!Copy !req
374. Oh, you don't like
my singing?Copy !req
375. Surprise, surprise.Copy !req
376. Now is really not the time,
Zach.Copy !req
377. I have just the thing.Copy !req
378. And it's big.Copy !req
379. It's 8,000.Copy !req
380. That's it?Copy !req
381. Well, we're not exactly
Tiffany's.Copy !req
382. Dude, what is
with all the angst?Copy !req
383. I wanted to be the one
pretending to get married.Copy !req
384. But everything has
to be your way,Copy !req
385. just like what songs we sing
in the garage.Copy !req
386. Because I'm the frontman
with the golden voice.Copy !req
387. And you're the bass player
with the fat fingers.Copy !req
388. I do not have fat fingers.Copy !req
389. Anybody can do this.Copy !req
390. Oh, that's me?Copy !req
391. Oh, you're doing me
right now?Copy !req
392. Oh, yeah well no one shreds
killer base solos the way I do.Copy !req
393. Pow!Copy !req
394. Never mind.Copy !req
395. Good luck trying to find someoneCopy !req
396. who can do that on our
upcoming tour.Copy !req
397. Hello.Copy !req
398. There's not going to be
a tour.Copy !req
399. We hit that jewelry store
we're looking at 50 G's tops.Copy !req
400. You can't get a bus
with that.Copy !req
401. Well, how are we going to bring
our musicCopy !req
402. to our audiences?Copy !req
403. Did you ever in your wildest
imagination thinkCopy !req
404. that a dog would be worth
one million dollars?Copy !req
405. Well, a Leonberger this rare
and with championship bloodlinesCopy !req
406. well that makes it truly
one of a kind.Copy !req
407. Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?Copy !req
408. Yeah, that's one trippy
looking dog.Copy !req
409. Hey, want to see him run?Copy !req
410. Oh, we'd love to see
him run.Copy !req
411. Come on.Copy !req
412. There you go folks, this is
a million dollars running downCopy !req
413. a hallway.Copy !req
414. Meanwhile, Crystal found herself
wandering amid the shoppers,Copy !req
415. past the kiosks, hoping to make
sense of what it isCopy !req
416. to be a little girl who though
gentle and kind to allCopy !req
417. is shunned
by her peers.Copy !req
418. I think somebody could use
a caramel machiattoCopy !req
419. with extra whip.Copy !req
420. Well, that sounded like
the weight of the world.Copy !req
421. You're not Roger.Copy !req
422. What gave it away?Copy !req
423. I know, I'm just filling in for
him while he picks up his momCopy !req
424. from the airport.Copy !req
425. The sleighs in the shop.Copy !req
426. I usually work Westbrook
Mall but you know,Copy !req
427. us Santa's try and help
each other out.Copy !req
428. Well, it's nice to know that
you Santa's of the worldCopy !req
429. are still decent to your fellow
human beings.Copy !req
430. Wow, that's depressing.Copy !req
431. Where's your Christmas spirit?Copy !req
432. Some people are mean
for no reason.Copy !req
433. And they get a lump of coal
in their stocking.Copy !req
434. Luckily, people like you get
special compensationCopy !req
435. from people like me
this time of year.Copy !req
436. Is that chocolate?Copy !req
437. No, are you kidding me?Copy !req
438. That's a magical Christmas
coin.Copy !req
439. I hand them out to people
who would otherwiseCopy !req
440. have a crappy Christmas.Copy !req
441. Because this is so much better
than a sweet computer.Copy !req
442. Yes.Copy !req
443. Or a bike?Copy !req
444. That is correct.Copy !req
445. Or anything?Copy !req
446. Duh. Infinitely better.Copy !req
447. Look. Make a Christmas wish.Copy !req
448. All you do is you make a wish
and you toss it into a fountain.Copy !req
449. Any fountain will do.Copy !req
450. You could use a toilet bowl
in a pinch.Copy !req
451. Does that work?Copy !req
452. Yeah, it's a wishing well.Copy !req
453. Should work just fine.Copy !req
454. Thanks but I don't really...Copy !req
455. Believe in mall Santa Claus's?Copy !req
456. That's not to say that I judge
you for wantingCopy !req
457. to make a little extra money
over the holidays.Copy !req
458. Look, you don't have
to believe in meCopy !req
459. but what you do have
to do isCopy !req
460. put your wish out
into the universe.Copy !req
461. You can't claim it
if you can't name it!Copy !req
462. I got that from
the Easter Bunny.Copy !req
463. Or is it Tooth Fairy?Copy !req
464. Whatever, it was
at a convention.Copy !req
465. Anyway, what do you say,
Crystal?Copy !req
466. How did you know my name?Copy !req
467. Lets just say your name's
on the list.Copy !req
468. Did Jesse put you up
to this?Copy !req
469. Look, wish first then coin.Copy !req
470. That's what it says in
the instruction booklet.Copy !req
471. Oh, and if your wish rhymesCopy !req
472. you get extra Christmas mojo.Copy !req
473. That's really corny.Copy !req
474. Corny's good.Copy !req
475. Corny's my stock and trade.Copy !req
476. I do corny very well.Copy !req
477. Just give it a try.Copy !req
478. You do realize this is just
a little girlCopy !req
479. humouring an old man right?Copy !req
480. That's awesome.Copy !req
481. For my Christmas wish
I wish...Copy !req
482. I wish I'd meet a friend,Copy !req
483. one who listens to me
and on whom I can depend.Copy !req
484. Happy?Copy !req
485. Santa dude?Copy !req
486. I can see you right there.Copy !req
487. No you can't.Copy !req
488. Yes I can.Copy !req
489. No, it's not me.Copy !req
490. I'm magical.Copy !req
491. Dumb.Copy !req
492. Never works.Copy !req
493. Customer! Customer!Copy !req
494. Customer!Copy !req
495. Bird for sale!Copy !req
496. Customer!Copy !req
497. Hey Grumpy.Copy !req
498. Hey hey, I like those
boots girl.Copy !req
499. Yeah, you looking good.Copy !req
500. Oh, very funny Corben.Copy !req
501. Oh, hey Crystal.Copy !req
502. Yeah, he's here for the rest
of the week folks so come on by.Copy !req
503. I've got a really big sale
on hamsters and snakes,Copy !req
504. although not necessarily
together thoughCopy !req
505. because that would be bad
for the hamster.Copy !req
506. You wouldn't really eat me,
would you Carla?Copy !req
507. But of course not.Copy !req
508. I am a gopher snake.Copy !req
509. You look nothing like
a gopher.Copy !req
510. Really?Copy !req
511. Phew, that's good to know.Copy !req
512. Alright. Thanks!Copy !req
513. Customer!Copy !req
514. Customer!Copy !req
515. Over here!Copy !req
516. Hey, Mr. Crabtree.Copy !req
517. Hey Crystal, say hello
to Jo-Jo.Copy !req
518. Hey boy.Copy !req
519. He's beautiful, isn't he?Copy !req
520. Beautiful?Copy !req
521. On what planet,
Planet Ugly?Copy !req
522. Meow.Copy !req
523. Yeah, he's also got a buyer
which meansCopy !req
524. Whiskers will be staying open
for a long time to come.Copy !req
525. You know, if it wasn't for him
we would be out of business.Copy !req
526. You're a superhero, Jo-Jo.Copy !req
527. Yeah, he's the best thing to
happen to me in a long time.Copy !req
528. I'm not going to lie to you,Copy !req
529. it's been hard since
I lost my Shirley.Copy !req
530. She was my rock, my world,
my everything.Copy !req
531. Truth is I, uh, I've neglected
this place.Copy !req
532. But it's only because
I've been in so much pain.Copy !req
533. Ugh, I'm in so much pain
listening to your sob storyCopy !req
534. I wish you'd put me to sleep.Copy !req
535. This is animal cruelty.Copy !req
536. Do the humane thing,
give me the gas.Copy !req
537. Who is saying that?Copy !req
538. Saying what?Copy !req
539. I thought I heard somebody say
that they were in so much painCopy !req
540. from listening to your
sob storyCopy !req
541. that they wanted
to be put to sleep.Copy !req
542. Huh.Copy !req
543. Well, forgive me for sharing.Copy !req
544. No, I didn't mean!Copy !req
545. I mean, I didn't say.Copy !req
546. Excuse me, I need to go find
a suitable carrier for Jo-Jo.Copy !req
547. Made of gold I presume?Copy !req
548. Meow.Copy !req
549. It's you!Copy !req
550. Who, me?Copy !req
551. Say that again.Copy !req
552. Okay, I don't know what's
happening hereCopy !req
553. but I don't like it.Copy !req
554. You are talking to me.Copy !req
555. What are you, some kind
of blond witch?Copy !req
556. You can't understand me!Copy !req
557. I heard all of that.Copy !req
558. No you didn't!Copy !req
559. Yes, I did!Copy !req
560. Well, stop it!Copy !req
561. You stop it!Copy !req
562. You stop it, witch!Copy !req
563. Are you having a conversation
with the girl?Copy !req
564. Tell her I'm available.Copy !req
565. And apparently on sale.Copy !req
566. Ooh, let her know I'll repeat
any stupid thing she wants.Copy !req
567. My skin sheds!Copy !req
568. Will you shut up!Copy !req
569. You shut up!Copy !req
570. It's cool.Copy !req
571. I talk to the bird.Copy !req
572. Hands in the air, sucker!Copy !req
573. Hands in the air, sucker!Copy !req
574. Yeah.Copy !req
575. I wasn't talking to you,
I was talking to them.Copy !req
576. Wait, you can talk
to the animals too?Copy !req
577. Ugh, don't act high and mightyCopy !req
578. just because you're at the top
of the food chain, honey.Copy !req
579. But I can only hear you.Copy !req
580. Well, that's a good thing,
trust me.Copy !req
581. I'm the only one worth
listening to.Copy !req
582. They're all very stupid
and annoying.Copy !req
583. I'm not annoying.Copy !req
584. I'm awesome,
and full of energy!Copy !req
585. I can play non-stop
for hours and hoursCopy !req
586. and hours and hours!Copy !req
587. Oh God, calm down.Copy !req
588. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
watch the fur!Copy !req
589. Meow.Copy !req
590. Okay Grumpy Cat, why can
I suddenly understand you?Copy !req
591. Um, why are you asking me?Copy !req
592. You think I want people knowing
how I really feel about them?Copy !req
593. Believe me, that's the last
thing I would wish for.Copy !req
594. Wish.Copy !req
595. I tossed a magic coin into a
wishing well and made a wish!Copy !req
596. Okay, I'm embarrassed
for you.Copy !req
597. You are a loser.Copy !req
598. But I wanted a person,
not a cat.Copy !req
599. Hey, look at the freak
having a conversationCopy !req
600. with the little kitty.Copy !req
601. Having a nice chat
with your cat?Copy !req
602. Oh, you rhymed chat
with cat.Copy !req
603. Very smart.Copy !req
604. Except you're terrible
human beings.Copy !req
605. Meow.Copy !req
606. I need to talk to Santa.Copy !req
607. There's a line and no cutsies,
North Pole...Copy !req
608. Policy...Copy !req
609. A Porsche?Copy !req
610. A real Porsche?Copy !req
611. Roger?Copy !req
612. What's up? I have customers.Copy !req
613. Yeah, he's got customers.Copy !req
614. And we're not going anywhere
until he hears our entire list.Copy !req
615. Us Santa's try and help
each other out.Copy !req
616. But Roger, I thought you had
to pick up your momCopy !req
617. at the airport for the holidays?Copy !req
618. Actually, I live
with my mom.Copy !req
619. So do we.Copy !req
620. She's a really good cook.Copy !req
621. You don't have to believe in
me but what you do have to doCopy !req
622. is put your wish out
into the universe.Copy !req
623. Roger, do you know the Santa
from the Westbrook Mall?Copy !req
624. Westbrook closed awhile ago
for renovations.Copy !req
625. Everyone knows that.Copy !req
626. Are you dumb or something?Copy !req
627. Haha! She's dumb!Copy !req
628. I hate my life.Copy !req
629. Crystal had been mesmerized
by a magic talkingCopy !req
630. distractingly beautiful cat,Copy !req
631. whose telepathic communications
not only troubled her young mindCopy !req
632. but also drew her like a moth
to a flame.Copy !req
633. Back to the origins of this
great mystery.Copy !req
634. Problem is she also promised
to goCopy !req
635. to Jesse's stupid
Christmas party.Copy !req
636. Oooh... No!Copy !req
637. Tabby, Handerpants!Copy !req
638. You know you want them.Copy !req
639. One of a kind!Copy !req
640. No shower gel dispenser!Copy !req
641. No!Copy !req
642. No.Copy !req
643. Oh, I'm going to have to go
with the fruitcake!Copy !req
644. Nice get, but you completely
missed these.Copy !req
645. My awesome set of seaworthy
salt and pepper shakers.Copy !req
646. You dog, you were hiding
those.Copy !req
647. Hell no, Jesse.Copy !req
648. Salt and pepper shakers.Copy !req
649. What?Copy !req
650. The price of greed,
my friend.Copy !req
651. Come to me, Crystal.Copy !req
652. You are powerless
to resist me.Copy !req
653. Meow.Copy !req
654. Your turn, Jesse.Copy !req
655. I'm just going to take
that fruitcake.Copy !req
656. Oh, you wouldn't!Copy !req
657. I did.Copy !req
658. All's fair, all's fair.Copy !req
659. You don't even like fruitcake.Copy !req
660. Nobody likes fruitcake,
just come on.Copy !req
661. Let it go.Copy !req
662. Fine.Copy !req
663. Handerpants, please.Copy !req
664. Why are the Cinnabon employees
always the last to leave?Copy !req
665. Because they're up all nightCopy !req
666. making those delicious
sticky buns.Copy !req
667. Oh.Copy !req
668. They should really lock this.Copy !req
669. Yeah, but then
we wouldn't be able to -Copy !req
670. Stop.Copy !req
671. Okay.Copy !req
672. Grumpy!Copy !req
673. Grumpy!Copy !req
674. Meow!Copy !req
675. Did I scare you?Copy !req
676. What gave it away?Copy !req
677. My scream of sheer terror
or the puddle of pee?Copy !req
678. And lower your voice,Copy !req
679. I don't want those other
freaks to wake up.Copy !req
680. Don't even think about it.Copy !req
681. Yeah, Paul Blart!Copy !req
682. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
683. Oh! No!Copy !req
684. You're making a big mistake!Copy !req
685. Where are the master keys?Copy !req
686. I will never tell.Copy !req
687. We can do this the easy way,
or the hard way.Copy !req
688. Oh, hey lets do it
the easy way.Copy !req
689. They're right on the hook
over there.Copy !req
690. Oh, is it these ones?Copy !req
691. That sounds a lot like yes
so I'm going to go with that.Copy !req
692. Haha, you were great man.Copy !req
693. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
694. What are you doing here
anyway?Copy !req
695. Trying to figure out what
the heck is going on with us.Copy !req
696. What's going on is that
you're bothering me.Copy !req
697. I was sleeping.Copy !req
698. How did you even get in?Copy !req
699. Reveal yourself, witch!Copy !req
700. You stole the key.Copy !req
701. Borrowed!Copy !req
702. Don't give me that look.Copy !req
703. What look?Copy !req
704. That look of judgement
you're giving me.Copy !req
705. This is my look of
tacit approval.Copy !req
706. Well, whatever.Copy !req
707. We really need to figure
this talking thing out.Copy !req
708. Okay, but it's worth pointing
out you really screwed upCopy !req
709. your big wish.Copy !req
710. Why wouldn't your first choice
be an unlimited supply of tuna?Copy !req
711. Another, mademoiselle
Grumpy Cat?Copy !req
712. Oui, oui, just keep them coming
until I pass out.Copy !req
713. Because I don't like tuna?Copy !req
714. Huh, your loss.Copy !req
715. David Lee Roth, Gary Cherone
or Sammy Hagar?Copy !req
716. Oh, it's not even
an argument.Copy !req
717. Sammy Hagar is clearly
Van Halen's best lead singer.Copy !req
718. What?Copy !req
719. Gary Cherone blows
that hack away.Copy !req
720. Most people don't even know
who Gary Cherone is.Copy !req
721. How dare you minimize
his contribution.Copy !req
722. Oh, he was the lead singer
for one very forgettable album.Copy !req
723. That's a weird cat.Copy !req
724. You're weird.Copy !req
725. Meow.Copy !req
726. Huh, yeah.Copy !req
727. Hey, there he is.Copy !req
728. Wow, freaky looking
and a terrible guard dog.Copy !req
729. Oh, time for a walk?Copy !req
730. Whoa, this is awesome.Copy !req
731. They're stealing the dog.Copy !req
732. I love these dudes.Copy !req
733. Okay, not only is Gary Cherone
the better vocalistCopy !req
734. but I bet my favourite amp
he could totally beat HagarCopy !req
735. in a kung fu fight!Copy !req
736. Oh, I'd take that bet.Copy !req
737. Seriously?Copy !req
738. Alright, all we've got to do
is get them in the same room.Copy !req
739. We can't let them steal
Jo-Jo!Copy !req
740. Just to play devils
advo-cat,Copy !req
741. what if we let them
steal Jo-Jo?Copy !req
742. It's dead!Copy !req
743. I don't care about that.Copy !req
744. They left their keys!Copy !req
745. Okay, freeze.Copy !req
746. At this point things could
have gone two ways.Copy !req
747. The fast way which goes
like this.Copy !req
748. I raced out of the pet store
with Crystal in towCopy !req
749. and knowing that precious
moments were ticking awayCopy !req
750. like a ticking time bomb I flew
like the desert windCopy !req
751. toward a building
that looked official.Copy !req
752. Again with Crystal in tow,
where I alerted the authoritiesCopy !req
753. to the crime in progress.Copy !req
754. Within moments the culprits
were apprehended.Copy !req
755. Ow, that really hurt!Copy !req
756. You're welcome, police.Copy !req
757. Okay, that's enough.Copy !req
758. Me and my sidekick who
barely did anythingCopy !req
759. were hailed as heroes,
thank god for me.Copy !req
760. But that would mean
a pretty short movieCopy !req
761. and a lot less advertising
revenue so luckily,Copy !req
762. and through no persuasion
on my part, it went like this.Copy !req
763. They left their keys!Copy !req
764. Put those back, they're going
to need them.Copy !req
765. But if they steal Jo-Jo,Copy !req
766. Whiskers will go out
of business.Copy !req
767. And?Copy !req
768. And this is the only place
where I don't have to worryCopy !req
769. about being accepted.Copy !req
770. Uh, so?Copy !req
771. I can just be me.Copy !req
772. I'm sure you can get the same
warm and fuzziesCopy !req
773. at the library.Copy !req
774. But if Mr. Crabtree has to closeCopy !req
775. do you have any idea what
that means for you?Copy !req
776. I'm sure he'd take me in.Copy !req
777. I'd make a fine house cat,
I know I would.Copy !req
778. Yeah, because you've had
a lot of luck with that.Copy !req
779. Please, Mr. Crabtree,
don't do it.Copy !req
780. Don't do it Mr. Crabtree!Copy !req
781. No!Copy !req
782. You're a horrible man.Copy !req
783. (Cop): Freeze, kitty cat.Copy !req
784. Hey man, I'm innocent!Copy !req
785. It was the other cat,
the calico with the lisp!Copy !req
786. What about that one, daddy?Copy !req
787. She looks like the kind of cat -Copy !req
788. Who would make
the best pet ever?Copy !req
789. That would smother you
in your sleep.Copy !req
790. Lets keep looking.Copy !req
791. That's a pretty one.Copy !req
792. Don't worry, it's not going
to hurt.Copy !req
793. This is way too dark.Copy !req
794. No!Copy !req
795. Well?Copy !req
796. Oh, I'm alive. Great.Copy !req
797. Can I have some more time
to think about it?Copy !req
798. No.Copy !req
799. Alright, fine.Copy !req
800. I'm back, what's happening?Copy !req
801. I'll tell you what's happening,Copy !req
802. I just rolled around in some
catnip and I'm ready to go.Copy !req
803. Lets do this!Copy !req
804. There they are,
Donny and Zach.Copy !req
805. They are psyched!Copy !req
806. They just stole a million dollar
mutt from Mr. Crabtree's store.Copy !req
807. Nice.Copy !req
808. That was easier than getting
a record companyCopy !req
809. to listen to our demo.Copy !req
810. Bro, we are going to get so
much bank for this pooch.Copy !req
811. Yeah!Copy !req
812. Woo!Copy !req
813. That's why I'm the captain
of this shipCopy !req
814. and you are the matey.Copy !req
815. Are we pirates?Copy !req
816. What?Copy !req
817. Are you saying we're pirates?Copy !req
818. No.Copy !req
819. I'm the guy, and you're
the guy behind the guy.Copy !req
820. Like if this was Nirvana I would
be Kurt CobainCopy !req
821. and you would be the bass player
with the really long name.Copy !req
822. Can't it be more like
Cliff Burton,Copy !req
823. James Hetfield kind of thing?Copy !req
824. You know like, I'm one
and you're the other.Copy !req
825. Where are my keys?Copy !req
826. They're not here.Copy !req
827. Oh, good job Kurt Cobain.Copy !req
828. Nice looking out, Zach.Copy !req
829. What?Copy !req
830. How is this on me?Copy !req
831. Because you're supposed to
be the lookout guy, right?Copy !req
832. You're supposed to be
looking out for stuff like this.Copy !req
833. I hate you, you know that?Copy !req
834. I'm going to start
my own bandCopy !req
835. and I'm going to call it
Tail of the Dragon.Copy !req
836. You can't do that, my band
is Dragon TailCopy !req
837. there's going to be some serious
market confusion.Copy !req
838. Oh, well I already
legal zoomed it, so.Copy !req
839. Ouch!Copy !req
840. Sweet Caroline, that was
my finger plucking hand.Copy !req
841. What the heck are you doing?Copy !req
842. I was going to hot wire
your car.Copy !req
843. Hey, do you know how
to do that?Copy !req
844. Oh, no.Copy !req
845. But it's easy,
I saw it on TV.Copy !req
846. You just take...Copy !req
847. zzz, with the wires.Copy !req
848. Don't ever touch
my car again!Copy !req
849. Okay.Copy !req
850. I know where my keys are,
they're on top of the fish tank.Copy !req
851. Why didn't you tell me
that before?Copy !req
852. Come on, man!Copy !req
853. My hand really hurts!Copy !req
854. At that very moment Crystal
and I were wracking our brainsCopy !req
855. trying to formulate the perfect
plan for a daring rescue.Copy !req
856. And then it came to me.Copy !req
857. How about this plan,Copy !req
858. we let them steal Jo-Jo
and then we nap.Copy !req
859. No, you're coming with me.Copy !req
860. Oh, great.Copy !req
861. Who's doing the kidnapping
now, huh?Copy !req
862. You're as bad as them!Copy !req
863. Quick thought, you should
take Carla.Copy !req
864. A snake is a lot scarier.Copy !req
865. I'm not scary, I am fun
and I am charmingCopy !req
866. and I like long slithers
on the beach.Copy !req
867. Lets go, we need
to find security.Copy !req
868. Move your dumb butt.Copy !req
869. Yuh oh, off screen voices
of bad guys.Copy !req
870. Hey, that's weird.Copy !req
871. I swear I put my keys
right here.Copy !req
872. Why don't you ask that sad cat,Copy !req
873. he was watching the whole time.Copy !req
874. Yeah, that's really helpful
Zach.Copy !req
875. Look at the fish following
my fingers.Copy !req
876. I'm the fish whisperer!Copy !req
877. Where is that cat?Copy !req
878. Hmm, wonder if they know
they're not the only ones here.Copy !req
879. We're not the only ones here.Copy !req
880. Aliens.Copy !req
881. Come on.Copy !req
882. At least I'm getting
some cardio.Copy !req
883. What do we do?Copy !req
884. Uh, I'm thinking
you know give up?Copy !req
885. Let the failure wash over us?Copy !req
886. Does this mean stop
or go forward?Copy !req
887. Everybody knows
this means stop.Copy !req
888. Oh, everybody?Copy !req
889. Hey, stop!Copy !req
890. I like this place.Copy !req
891. Hey, maybe we'll bag
a deer later.Copy !req
892. Just keep an eye out.Copy !req
893. I may be grumpy but I'm still
a cat, okay?Copy !req
894. My focus is exceptional.Copy !req
895. Whoa!Copy !req
896. Oh man, thought
that was my mom.Copy !req
897. Who puts a grizzly bear
in the middle of an aisle?Copy !req
898. I hate nature.Copy !req
899. Hey, check it out.Copy !req
900. Did you hear something?Copy !req
901. Um, yeah.Copy !req
902. The sound of your heart beating
through your chest.Copy !req
903. Oh, shiny little fishies.Copy !req
904. Yum num num.Copy !req
905. Shiny little fishies, shiny
little fishies, ah, got ya!Copy !req
906. Nom, nom, nom, nom.Copy !req
907. Look, look, wait hold on.Copy !req
908. Meow!Copy !req
909. Meow!Copy !req
910. Ow.Copy !req
911. Hey, over there.Copy !req
912. Are you trying to get us caught?Copy !req
913. Hello?Copy !req
914. I'm sorry, it bit me.Copy !req
915. You turned on the
Christmas villageCopy !req
916. like one scene ago, hypocrite.Copy !req
917. Hello?Copy !req
918. Is anyone there?Copy !req
919. Stay here.Copy !req
920. Right, you get the s'mores,
I'll start the hot chocolate.Copy !req
921. Actually I'm going to use you
as a decoy.Copy !req
922. Wait a second, that sounds bad
for me.Copy !req
923. Just sit here and look bored
to death.Copy !req
924. Yeah, yeah, play
to my strengths.Copy !req
925. I get it.Copy !req
926. I just want my keys, yo.Copy !req
927. We know you have them
because you've been runningCopy !req
928. from us and that makes
us point the finger at you.Copy !req
929. We're not going to hurt you!Copy !req
930. But only if you give
them up nowCopy !req
931. because later is going
to be too late.Copy !req
932. Yeah!Copy !req
933. We'll be a lot madder then.Copy !req
934. Why are you doing that?Copy !req
935. Shh!Copy !req
936. Ah! Gotcha!Copy !req
937. Hello, gentleman.Copy !req
938. What's that weird cat.Copy !req
939. I'm a decoy.Copy !req
940. This isn't about me.Copy !req
941. Bye bye.Copy !req
942. Dude, grab him,
he stole your keys.Copy !req
943. Stole your keys?Copy !req
944. Did you really think
that through?Copy !req
945. I have no thumbs.Copy !req
946. Come here, kitty kitty.Copy !req
947. Nab him, yo.Copy !req
948. Ow!Copy !req
949. Well, I'm out of here.Copy !req
950. Ah!Copy !req
951. It's too noisy in here!Copy !req
952. Ow!Copy !req
953. Dude, we got to get
outta here!Copy !req
954. Meow! Meow! Meow!Copy !req
955. So sorry to interrupt.Copy !req
956. We may be taking some
creative licenseCopy !req
957. with what actually
happened here.Copy !req
958. Get out of here,
British Grumpy Cat!Copy !req
959. Oh, real Grumpy.Copy !req
960. Don't be absurd.Copy !req
961. They don't even make paintball
guns for cats.Copy !req
962. Craft departments do.Copy !req
963. Die, bad guys!Copy !req
964. Meow! Meow!Copy !req
965. Die!Copy !req
966. I overstayed my welcome
obviously.Copy !req
967. Toodles, I'll be in your head.Copy !req
968. Meow! Meow!Copy !req
969. We're going to die!Copy !req
970. Dude, if we can get through
Stairway to HeavenCopy !req
971. without any mess up
we can do anythingCopy !req
972. and that includes
getting out of this.Copy !req
973. I have an idea.Copy !req
974. Hurry back!Copy !req
975. Meow, meow, meow!Copy !req
976. Hey, where's the dog?Copy !req
977. Oh, I'm out.Copy !req
978. Adios muchachos.Copy !req
979. Oh, how the hunted
becomes the hunter.Copy !req
980. Donny!Copy !req
981. I'm coming for you, big guy!Copy !req
982. Ahhhhhhhhhh!Copy !req
983. That looks like it hurts.Copy !req
984. Because it does.Copy !req
985. Coming for you,
paintball vigilante!Copy !req
986. As soon as I pull this arrow out
of my bros foot.Copy !req
987. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.Copy !req
988. Hey, you get back here.Copy !req
989. Which way did he go?Copy !req
990. Oh that looks bad.Copy !req
991. Come on!Copy !req
992. Terrible Movie,
She Wrote.Copy !req
993. By Grumpy Fat.Copy !req
994. Oh crap, damn it.Copy !req
995. Never mind.Copy !req
996. Chapter 4.Copy !req
997. Meow! Meow!Copy !req
998. Villains peppered with paint
and on the hunt.Copy !req
999. Which way did he go?Copy !req
1000. A million dollar doggy
on the loose.Copy !req
1001. You'll never get me!Copy !req
1002. A courageous Crystal
hides the dog nappers keysCopy !req
1003. as the witty kitty
continues to quip.Copy !req
1004. Isn't that where all dreams
go to die?Copy !req
1005. It'll have to do.Copy !req
1006. And this guy pulls up
in his car.Copy !req
1007. Wait a minute, what's
the landlord guy doing here?Copy !req
1008. Red herring?Copy !req
1009. Or plot point?Copy !req
1010. You decide!Copy !req
1011. Hello there.Copy !req
1012. Lets wrestle!Copy !req
1013. Yum, yum, yummy.Copy !req
1014. Ugh, stop it.Copy !req
1015. You're kissing me to death,
stop it!Copy !req
1016. Stop it!Copy !req
1017. Hey.Copy !req
1018. Hi ho.Copy !req
1019. You're that expensive dog.Copy !req
1020. My reputation precedes me.Copy !req
1021. What is this, a jailbreak boy?Copy !req
1022. Uh huh, yeah.Copy !req
1023. Come on.Copy !req
1024. UGH!Copy !req
1025. Later gators!Copy !req
1026. Gotcha!Copy !req
1027. What is your problem?Copy !req
1028. Our problem?Copy !req
1029. How would you like it if we shot
you with a paintball gun?Copy !req
1030. Mmh-mmh.Copy !req
1031. I wouldn't.Copy !req
1032. Of course not!Copy !req
1033. Because it hurts!Copy !req
1034. And it isn't nice.Copy !req
1035. I'm glad we can agree
on that.Copy !req
1036. Can you let me up now?Copy !req
1037. What did you do
with my car keys?Copy !req
1038. I don't know what
you're talking about.Copy !req
1039. Zach, punch him
in the face.Copy !req
1040. What?Copy !req
1041. Mmm.Copy !req
1042. What?Copy !req
1043. My hand still hurts
from punching your carCopy !req
1044. and these are my money makers.Copy !req
1045. We haven't made a dime
from our music yet.Copy !req
1046. Well why don't you punch him,Copy !req
1047. you don't even play
an instrument.Copy !req
1048. My voice is an instrument,
you hit him.Copy !req
1049. Hit him!Copy !req
1050. Okay!Copy !req
1051. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1052. Oh man, I think it's broken.Copy !req
1053. I think it hurt me more than
it hurt you.Copy !req
1054. No, I don't think that's true
at all.Copy !req
1055. So, are you going to tell me
where my car keys areCopy !req
1056. or are we going to have
to amp this up?Copy !req
1057. I don't know anything
about your stupid keys!Copy !req
1058. Wait!Copy !req
1059. Honestly guys, I just came back
to get my laptopCopy !req
1060. out of my office.Copy !req
1061. It's not really an office,
it's more of a cubicle.Copy !req
1062. Oh god!Copy !req
1063. That is quite the drop.Copy !req
1064. Jail break! Jail break!Copy !req
1065. Jail break!Copy !req
1066. George!Copy !req
1067. Well, somebody finally figured
out a way to shut him up.Copy !req
1068. You're going to regret that.Copy !req
1069. Ow!Copy !req
1070. Oh, oh my god.Copy !req
1071. There's scissors there.Copy !req
1072. Are you okay?Copy !req
1073. What happened?Copy !req
1074. These two guys jumped me
while I was rewritingCopy !req
1075. the policies and procedures
hand book.Copy !req
1076. Here we go.Copy !req
1077. I think they had ninja training
but I drop kicked the first one,Copy !req
1078. and then I hit the second one
in the Adam's apple.Copy !req
1079. Do you have a half hour,
Crystal?Copy !req
1080. Because I don't.Copy !req
1081. And that's when they pulled
their guns, big ones.Copy !req
1082. And everybody knows
that I'm a tough guyCopy !req
1083. and I'm ready to throw
down with the best of themCopy !req
1084. but I am smart enough to know
that I am no matchCopy !req
1085. for a bullet.Copy !req
1086. Well, they're trying
to steal Jo-Jo!Copy !req
1087. What's a Jo-Jo?Copy !req
1088. Super dog, super hound,
super model...Copy !req
1089. Hi!Copy !req
1090. That's Jo-Jo!Copy !req
1091. Back so soon, gorgeous?Copy !req
1092. Yeah well, those guys
were ignoring me.Copy !req
1093. A dog?Copy !req
1094. Why would they try to steal
a dog and not some diamondsCopy !req
1095. or something from
the jewelry store?Copy !req
1096. Mmm, that feels good.Copy !req
1097. Well, he's worth a lot of money.Copy !req
1098. How much money?Copy !req
1099. A lot!Copy !req
1100. Yeah, a lot.Copy !req
1101. And now they're after me
because I stole their car keys!Copy !req
1102. I'm what's stopping them
from getting away!Copy !req
1103. 12 year old girl thwarted
the robbery.Copy !req
1104. Hey, she couldn't have done it
without me.Copy !req
1105. George, we have
to call the police.Copy !req
1106. We can't, they pulled out
the phone lines.Copy !req
1107. But don't you have
a cell phone?Copy !req
1108. Well, they took it.Copy !req
1109. Well, what are we going
to do?Copy !req
1110. Wait a minute,
how did you get here?Copy !req
1111. My bike.Copy !req
1112. Okay, here's what we're
going to do.Copy !req
1113. We're going to get you back
to your transportation,Copy !req
1114. then you go for help.Copy !req
1115. Come on, and oh you've got
a little kitty there.Copy !req
1116. Alright.Copy !req
1117. And here, I'll take care of
the dog and the mallCopy !req
1118. until the cops arrive.Copy !req
1119. Is there a bathroom here?Copy !req
1120. Are you sure you don't want
to come with me?Copy !req
1121. Oh no, Crystal, I took an oath
to protect this placeCopy !req
1122. and that is exactly
what I'm going to do.Copy !req
1123. Oh.Copy !req
1124. Guys, I swear, I didn't have
anything to doCopy !req
1125. with shooting you!Copy !req
1126. And frankly, I want you
to steal that dog.Copy !req
1127. No, seriously.Copy !req
1128. My company wants to get rid
of that pet shopCopy !req
1129. and put a Club Chicken
in there.Copy !req
1130. I love those sweet
chicky nuggets!Copy !req
1131. See?Copy !req
1132. So, it's a win win.Copy !req
1133. I'll look the other way,
I never saw anything,Copy !req
1134. you guys were never here.Copy !req
1135. Donny, can I have a word?Copy !req
1136. He sounds pretty convincing.Copy !req
1137. I'm starting to think
maybe he's telling the truth.Copy !req
1138. Because I am telling the truth.Copy !req
1139. You, shut up.Copy !req
1140. It's cool, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1141. What did I just say?Copy !req
1142. I think you might be right.Copy !req
1143. Hell ya I'm right.Copy !req
1144. Why do you think I'm right?Copy !req
1145. I just realized if he was the
one shooting us with paintballsCopy !req
1146. wouldn't he have paint residue
on his hands?Copy !req
1147. No residue, I'm clean.Copy !req
1148. You're like a one man
CSI team.Copy !req
1149. Okay, so here's the thing.Copy !req
1150. Donny and I talked
and it looks likeCopy !req
1151. this whole thing has been a big
misunderstanding.Copy !req
1152. Hey, no hard feelings.Copy !req
1153. Are you sure?Copy !req
1154. Because I did punch you in
the face and I threatenedCopy !req
1155. to throw you over the railing.Copy !req
1156. That's already forgotten.Copy !req
1157. Oh, I feel guilty.Copy !req
1158. Don't. Honest mistake.Copy !req
1159. Awesome.Copy !req
1160. You are awesome.Copy !req
1161. We should totally kick
it sometime,Copy !req
1162. what are you into?
Oh, frisbee golf!Copy !req
1163. Zach, do you want to wrap it up?Copy !req
1164. If he's not the guy that means
there's another guy.Copy !req
1165. Where's the dog?Copy !req
1166. I thought you had him.Copy !req
1167. Do I have to do everything?Copy !req
1168. Oh, like lose the keys?Copy !req
1169. Just go get the dog.Copy !req
1170. What are we going to do
about him?Copy !req
1171. As much as we'd like
to let you go,Copy !req
1172. we can't.Copy !req
1173. Oh.Copy !req
1174. Shh.Copy !req
1175. Some are born great,
others achieve greatnessCopy !req
1176. and some watch
Christmas movies starring cats.Copy !req
1177. I think you know who you are.Copy !req
1178. Meow.Copy !req
1179. What were you doing in the
mall this time of night anyway?Copy !req
1180. This is going to sound
really crazy.Copy !req
1181. Try me.Copy !req
1182. It's stupid.Copy !req
1183. Come on, I'm a good listener.Copy !req
1184. Well, I can't believe
I'm going to admit thisCopy !req
1185. but I came to talk to
the cat.Copy !req
1186. The cat?Copy !req
1187. Yes, the cat.Copy !req
1188. I thought you said you were
a good listener, George.Copy !req
1189. We understand each other.Copy !req
1190. With the way things have
been going in my life right nowCopy !req
1191. I can't say that about
too many people.Copy !req
1192. My dad left my mom
for a barista,Copy !req
1193. he barely calls anymore.Copy !req
1194. Last time he did he said they
were talking aboutCopy !req
1195. getting married and
starting their own family.Copy !req
1196. Wow.Copy !req
1197. Divorce can be tough,
especially on a kid.Copy !req
1198. But a cat? Really?Copy !req
1199. She wasn't my first choice.Copy !req
1200. Um, I'm right here.Copy !req
1201. But we have a connection.Copy !req
1202. We can communicate
in our own way,Copy !req
1203. and I know it's weirdCopy !req
1204. but there's something
kind of great about her.Copy !req
1205. Oh, don't get sappy on me.Copy !req
1206. Wait, I forgot, it's a Lifetime
movie, you can.Copy !req
1207. I wish I had a friend.Copy !req
1208. Law enforcement,
it's a lonely business.Copy !req
1209. Occupational hazard
I suppose.Copy !req
1210. See, there's the schmaltz
I was looking for.Copy !req
1211. You kind of feel
for the big guy, huh?Copy !req
1212. I'm glad we had this talk,
George.Copy !req
1213. Oh yeah, me too kiddo.Copy !req
1214. You know, you just you've
got to hang in there that's all.Copy !req
1215. Okay, look.Copy !req
1216. Here is your stop,Copy !req
1217. I can take it from here.Copy !req
1218. Hey, don't forget your cat huh?Copy !req
1219. Thanks.Copy !req
1220. How about another walk?Copy !req
1221. Or a chew toy.Copy !req
1222. What, you're still here?Copy !req
1223. I am so not going to miss you.Copy !req
1224. Forget you, forgot you,
never thought about you.Copy !req
1225. Be safe, George.Copy !req
1226. I live for safety, Crystal.Copy !req
1227. Oh hey, real quick,
when the cops comeCopy !req
1228. where should I tell them
you put those keys?Copy !req
1229. Huh.Copy !req
1230. I thought you said they took
your phone?Copy !req
1231. Oh yeah, this is awkward.Copy !req
1232. I thought they did too
but oh I'm so embarrassed,Copy !req
1233. must be from the concussion from
when they hit me on the head.Copy !req
1234. You never said they hit you.Copy !req
1235. Oh, I left that out well you
know it all happened so quick.Copy !req
1236. Well, this is great.Copy !req
1237. We can call the police
now right?Copy !req
1238. We're not calling
the police, Crystal.Copy !req
1239. George, you devious scoundrel!Copy !req
1240. You're the brains of this
operation, aren't you?Copy !req
1241. Look, I've got to say I totally
saw that comingCopy !req
1242. but you didn't huh?Copy !req
1243. Where are the keys,
Crystal?Copy !req
1244. How could you do this,
George?Copy !req
1245. Well, that is a long,
complicated storyCopy !req
1246. which we can get
into another time.Copy !req
1247. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1248. Oh!Copy !req
1249. Ow, how did this escalate
so quickly?Copy !req
1250. Mom? I can't talk right now,
I'm at work.Copy !req
1251. Yes, yes, I need a ride home.Copy !req
1252. I need a ride home
every time,Copy !req
1253. why must we have this
conversation every single,Copy !req
1254. every single time.Copy !req
1255. Here doggy doggy doggy!Copy !req
1256. Oh, hey boss, what's up?Copy !req
1257. Oh hi, I'm just checking to see
how everything's going.Copy !req
1258. It's going great, we're
like a well oiled machine.Copy !req
1259. This plans full proof.Copy !req
1260. Nailed it.Copy !req
1261. Really?Copy !req
1262. Well, aren't you the least bit
curiousCopy !req
1263. as to how I can be talking to
you on the phone right nowCopy !req
1264. when I'm supposed to be
taped to a chair.Copy !req
1265. Well, that's a very
good question.Copy !req
1266. Well, see this nice little
12 year old girl untied me.Copy !req
1267. Well, that was cool of her.Copy !req
1268. The same girl who took
your keys.Copy !req
1269. That's impossible, the guy
who stole our keysCopy !req
1270. was probably an ex-Navy Seal
or something.Copy !req
1271. He shot me in the butt.Copy !req
1272. You should have seen the way
he handled the paintball gun.Copy !req
1273. It was a child, you idiot!Copy !req
1274. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!Copy !req
1275. UGH!Copy !req
1276. You okay, George?Copy !req
1277. Okay.Copy !req
1278. I'm starting to think that based
on all the timesCopy !req
1279. that I busted you guys around
here for stupid stuff,Copy !req
1280. combined with the debacle of
what happened tonight,Copy !req
1281. I don't believe that you are
cut out for a life of crime.Copy !req
1282. I think we're good at it.Copy !req
1283. Whose idea was it
to steal the dog?Copy !req
1284. George, it was a way
bigger score.Copy !req
1285. I didn't need a bigger score,Copy !req
1286. all I needed was enough money
for a downpayment on a houseCopy !req
1287. for when I retire next month.Copy !req
1288. But now thanks to you two
numbskullsCopy !req
1289. a 12 year old girl is leading
your bigger score out of here!Copy !req
1290. So.Copy !req
1291. We should probably...Copy !req
1292. Prevent her from doing that.Copy !req
1293. Now.Copy !req
1294. Mmmhmm.Copy !req
1295. Oh, now.Copy !req
1296. I think he might be angry
with you.Copy !req
1297. And the winner of worst
Christmas sweater goes to,Copy !req
1298. master of the chicken
quesadilla,Copy !req
1299. Taco Gigante's employee of
the month Alejandro Rodriguez!Copy !req
1300. Congratulations, I knew
you had it in you.Copy !req
1301. Speech!Copy !req
1302. Thank you JC, thank you Academy
and thank you family.Copy !req
1303. Aww!Copy !req
1304. You know, life is like
a soft taco.Copy !req
1305. If you dig inside the meat —Copy !req
1306. the protein of your choiceCopy !req
1307. and the salsa added
to your specificationCopy !req
1308. of mild, medium or caliente you
find the strength to stand tallCopy !req
1309. and triumph in the face
of adversity.Copy !req
1310. Meow!Copy !req
1311. Back off familia,
he's mine.Copy !req
1312. Sorry you didn't win
worst sweater.Copy !req
1313. I was robbed!Copy !req
1314. Here's the truth, I was going
to choose youCopy !req
1315. but I didn't want everyone to
think that the only reason I didCopy !req
1316. was because I like you.Copy !req
1317. Even if that's just
some line you're usingCopy !req
1318. to lower my defenses,
totally worked.Copy !req
1319. Yeah.Copy !req
1320. My backup plan was to impress
you with my electric log.Copy !req
1321. You do have one nice log.Copy !req
1322. But seriously, it's actually
a nostalgia machine.Copy !req
1323. Yeah, it invokes
a bygone era.Copy !req
1324. A simpler time of pure ideals,
asbestos,Copy !req
1325. leaded paint.Copy !req
1326. Cheez Whiz.Copy !req
1327. Cheez Whiz.Copy !req
1328. Thank you for inviting us.Copy !req
1329. Of course.Copy !req
1330. I'm glad Crystal's here.Copy !req
1331. You know, the divorceCopy !req
1332. has definitely made her
more introvertedCopy !req
1333. and she needs to go out
and do things.Copy !req
1334. Take some risks.Copy !req
1335. Uh oh!Copy !req
1336. Give it up, kid!Copy !req
1337. Is this the end of the line
for Grumpy and Crystal?Copy !req
1338. Will our heroes finally succumb
to a villain so evilCopy !req
1339. even evil isn't evil enough
to describe him?Copy !req
1340. Am I going to keep
asking questions?Copy !req
1341. I will if it annoys you.Copy !req
1342. Come back and find out.Copy !req
1343. Are you still on the edge
of your seat?Copy !req
1344. Is the dramatic tension
too thick?Copy !req
1345. Are you still here?Copy !req
1346. You are? Why?Copy !req
1347. Whatever, back to the story.Copy !req
1348. Bum bum bum bum.Copy !req
1349. Boom boom boom boom bwaaa,
dun nun nun nun nun!Copy !req
1350. Lets check in to see if I'm down
to eight lives yet.Copy !req
1351. Oh wow, shocker,
I'm still alive.Copy !req
1352. Grumpy Cat didn't die
in her own movie.Copy !req
1353. What?Copy !req
1354. Yes, I know, it's not
just about me.Copy !req
1355. Stop it, ow that hurts!Copy !req
1356. George, this isn't right!Copy !req
1357. What's Mr. Crabtree
going to do?Copy !req
1358. Oh gosh, Mr. Crabtree.Copy !req
1359. I totally forgot,
what is he going to do?Copy !req
1360. Wait, I remember.Copy !req
1361. He's going to pay me
a lot of moneyCopy !req
1362. to get that stupid dog back.Copy !req
1363. Ha, high five George!Copy !req
1364. No!Copy !req
1365. You're a jerk!Copy !req
1366. Yeah, who leaves
someone hanging?Copy !req
1367. Come on.Copy !req
1368. I'm the jerk.Copy !req
1369. I'm the jerk.Copy !req
1370. Me, the guy who fooled
everybodyCopy !req
1371. by pretending to be a big
blowhardCopy !req
1372. when in fact he was just
lulling them allCopy !req
1373. into a false sense of
complacency and trust.Copy !req
1374. That's right.Copy !req
1375. Me, the jerk?Copy !req
1376. Who rode around this mall
in that stupid scooterCopy !req
1377. enforcing the law but the whole
time all I was thinking aboutCopy !req
1378. was breaking it.Copy !req
1379. That jerk?Copy !req
1380. So, are you still pretending
to be a big blowhard or what?Copy !req
1381. Jerk.Copy !req
1382. I don't think so.Copy !req
1383. Pffft!Copy !req
1384. Mastermind.Copy !req
1385. Oh yes.Copy !req
1386. Oh no, yeah, you're a limp
short of being Keyser Soze.Copy !req
1387. Now, about those keys.Copy !req
1388. Yeah, those keys.Copy !req
1389. About them.Copy !req
1390. I forgot where I put them.Copy !req
1391. Oh man, what are we going
to do?Copy !req
1392. We're screwed!Copy !req
1393. She's lying, right?Copy !req
1394. Obviously.Copy !req
1395. Oh.Copy !req
1396. That's very convincing.Copy !req
1397. Okay, you and you go find
a nice piranhaCopy !req
1398. or scorpion to play with.Copy !req
1399. Is he serious?Copy !req
1400. Alright, now listen to me.Copy !req
1401. I'm not fooling around anymore,
Crystal,Copy !req
1402. I mean I'm out of patience.Copy !req
1403. Now, you tell me
where those keys areCopy !req
1404. or somebody is going
to get hurt.Copy !req
1405. You wouldn't really hurt
a little girl, would you?Copy !req
1406. What do I look like?Copy !req
1407. A nut job?Copy !req
1408. I'm greedy, I'm not evil,Copy !req
1409. which I think is important
to point outCopy !req
1410. are two completely
different things.Copy !req
1411. One is the foundation
of our economic systemCopy !req
1412. and the other,
you know just bad.Copy !req
1413. Okay, I'm not really following
you but.Copy !req
1414. I'm not going to hurt you,
Crystal.Copy !req
1415. I will however hurt the cat.Copy !req
1416. Whoa, what? Me cat?Copy !req
1417. Don't!Copy !req
1418. Now, what was it you said about
the cat being your best friend?Copy !req
1419. So sweet, it really tugged
at my heartstrings.Copy !req
1420. Which would make it
all the worseCopy !req
1421. if something bad were to happen
to the little guy.Copy !req
1422. Grumpy.Copy !req
1423. First of all, I'm a she.Copy !req
1424. Why is that so hard to grasp?Copy !req
1425. And second of all,
pfft he's bluffing.Copy !req
1426. I'm not scared.Copy !req
1427. Now, I'm going to give you
three seconds to tell meCopy !req
1428. where those keys are or I'm
going to put the kitty catCopy !req
1429. in the trash compactor.Copy !req
1430. No!Copy !req
1431. Whoa, he's not bluffing!Copy !req
1432. He's not bluffing!Copy !req
1433. He's petting me way
too diabolically.Copy !req
1434. Tell him Crystal,
you've got to tell him!Copy !req
1435. One!Copy !req
1436. I threw them in
the wishing well!Copy !req
1437. Oh god, thank you.Copy !req
1438. Haha.Copy !req
1439. Look at this huge frog.Copy !req
1440. We're on it.Copy !req
1441. Lets go, Patrick.Copy !req
1442. See? That wasn't so hard,
was it?Copy !req
1443. Look, I never thought
I was in danger okay?Copy !req
1444. It's my movie after all
and I'm sureCopy !req
1445. the Lifetime executives are
already thinking sequel!Copy !req
1446. Like Grumpy's Worst Vacation
Ever, Meowii Style.Copy !req
1447. Anyway, since you're still
watching this for some reasonCopy !req
1448. I thought now
would be a perfect timeCopy !req
1449. to see if you're interested
in my new product line!Copy !req
1450. Like Grumpy Cat golf balls,
or the Grumpy Cat dartboard.Copy !req
1451. And for the ladies a sure
fire hit, Grumpy underwear.Copy !req
1452. To see what else is new this
season please visitCopy !req
1453. www.GrumpyCats.com.Copy !req
1454. Please be grumpy
when you do it.Copy !req
1455. Grumpy people only.Copy !req
1456. Nice kitty.Copy !req
1457. Kind of odd looking, though.Copy !req
1458. I don't see your face
on any holiday cards.Copy !req
1459. Come on, lets get you something
to eat.Copy !req
1460. Stay!Copy !req
1461. So, anyway that's how
the story ended.Copy !req
1462. The bad guys made off with
the overpriced freak dogCopy !req
1463. and evil triumphed over good.Copy !req
1464. So sad.Copy !req
1465. I'm not going to sugarcoat
it people,Copy !req
1466. this happy, sappy Christmas
story had taken an ugly turn.Copy !req
1467. Things were looking grim
and poor Crystal,Copy !req
1468. she was looking lower than
a cat caught in a rain storm.Copy !req
1469. Can you blame her?Copy !req
1470. Once again she'd been let down
by someone,Copy !req
1471. her faith in people was shaken.Copy !req
1472. Wasn't there anyone
to step forwardCopy !req
1473. in this desperate moment
to boost her spirit,Copy !req
1474. to make her feel
like not all humanityCopy !req
1475. was rotten to the core?Copy !req
1476. Don't look at me, I don't
do motivational, sorry.Copy !req
1477. That's Happy Cat.Copy !req
1478. I'm Grumpy Cat.Copy !req
1479. But truth is I dug down deep
and consulted my inner grumpCopy !req
1480. and realized that it was time
to help a kidCopy !req
1481. I was actually starting
to care about.Copy !req
1482. Are you crying, Crystal?Copy !req
1483. No, I'm allergic to cats,
what do you think?Copy !req
1484. Okay, I'm going to let
that one go.Copy !req
1485. Come on Crystal,
just talk to me.Copy !req
1486. Why? What's talk going to do?Copy !req
1487. I can't change anything,
especially people.Copy !req
1488. I try to make friends,
Grumpy.Copy !req
1489. I try to see the good
in everyone,Copy !req
1490. I stupidly even thought
that George was my friend.Copy !req
1491. Nope! Never was!Copy !req
1492. See?Copy !req
1493. I just feel like my life
will always be a disappointment.Copy !req
1494. I know what that's like, okay.Copy !req
1495. Trust me.Copy !req
1496. Having been bought and returned
a couple times I get it.Copy !req
1497. Can I trade her for a fish?Copy !req
1498. It makes you feel like there's
no love in the world.Copy !req
1499. It makes you feel, well,
grumpy.Copy !req
1500. But you're different, Crystal,
you're full of love.Copy !req
1501. What good is love if nobody
gives it back?Copy !req
1502. That's how we feel too,
every day people walk in hereCopy !req
1503. to coo over the puppies
and the rabbitsCopy !req
1504. and the Jo-Jo's
and ignore us.Copy !req
1505. True dat!Copy !req
1506. Spot on, Grumpy!Copy !req
1507. Preach it, sister!Copy !req
1508. Freedom!Copy !req
1509. So, you know what?Copy !req
1510. Contrary to the sign on
the door we're not pets,Copy !req
1511. I mean until somebody takes us
home and cares for usCopy !req
1512. and loves us we're just animals.Copy !req
1513. Yup.Copy !req
1514. Well said.Copy !req
1515. Just animals.Copy !req
1516. And reptiles.Copy !req
1517. And as far as I can tell humans
are no different.Copy !req
1518. You're actually making
me sadder.Copy !req
1519. Okay, well it's your low point,
deal with it.Copy !req
1520. But what I'm trying to say
is you are loved.Copy !req
1521. Your mom loves you, look at her,
she loves you.Copy !req
1522. Taco guy loves you.Copy !req
1523. That guy loves you.Copy !req
1524. Who is that guy?Copy !req
1525. Even your dad loves you.Copy !req
1526. Why? Because you're
the amazing you.Copy !req
1527. And that is why I've decided
to adopt you.Copy !req
1528. That's right.Copy !req
1529. You're now on Team Grumpy
whether you like it or not.Copy !req
1530. In fact, from this moment
on you're all on Team Grumpy!Copy !req
1531. Team Grumpy!Copy !req
1532. Uh, can we call it
something else?Copy !req
1533. And this team is going
to win.Copy !req
1534. Wearing Grumpy t-shirts and
Grumpy baseball capsCopy !req
1535. and Grumpy glow in the dark
buttons, am I right?Copy !req
1536. Boo, Team Grumpy sucks!Copy !req
1537. I don't want your swag.Copy !req
1538. Shame on you, Grumpy.Copy !req
1539. Shut up!Copy !req
1540. Every team needs a sponsor,
come on.Copy !req
1541. Do you really think we can still
do something to save the store?Copy !req
1542. Do I?Copy !req
1543. There must be a million ways
to stop these idiots.Copy !req
1544. I just haven't thought of
one yet.Copy !req
1545. Oh man.Copy !req
1546. No shocker there.Copy !req
1547. Cats blow!Copy !req
1548. Okay, wait for it, people.Copy !req
1549. I'm building here.Copy !req
1550. We implore the fates to smile
upon this ragtag assemblyCopy !req
1551. of freedom fighters.Copy !req
1552. We few, we happy few,
we band of brothers.Copy !req
1553. Come on fates.Copy !req
1554. Oh, it's open.Copy !req
1555. Well, look at that.Copy !req
1556. Let me at em!Copy !req
1557. It's clobbering time.Copy !req
1558. Good show, now you're talking
G Cat.Copy !req
1559. Meow.Copy !req
1560. Thank you, Grumpy.Copy !req
1561. Time to get scary.Copy !req
1562. Oh, not me.Copy !req
1563. No.Copy !req
1564. I'll undo the young
ladies binds.Copy !req
1565. Piece of cake, really.Copy !req
1566. Hey mom, yeah, a friend is going
to give me a ride.Copy !req
1567. No.Copy !req
1568. No, you don't know him.Copy !req
1569. Yeah, I met him at the mall.Copy !req
1570. Shh, I'm going to enjoy this.Copy !req
1571. He might like pot roast.Copy !req
1572. I like pot roast.Copy !req
1573. Alright, I'll ask him
if he likes pot roast.Copy !req
1574. Pot roast?Copy !req
1575. Oh, count me in.Copy !req
1576. He's got to drive
the speed limit.Copy !req
1577. I'm, you know, wearing
my badge right?Copy !req
1578. What else am I going to do?Copy !req
1579. Surprise!Copy !req
1580. Ah! Ah! Ah!Copy !req
1581. Wee!Copy !req
1582. Slimy, slithering —Copy !req
1583. Oh hello, aren't you cute.Copy !req
1584. I smell crotch.Copy !req
1585. Yeah!Copy !req
1586. Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
1587. Let go! Let go!Copy !req
1588. Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
1589. Let go!Copy !req
1590. Ah! Ah! Ah!Copy !req
1591. Well, I hope he didn't
want children.Copy !req
1592. Holy crap, they're possessed.Copy !req
1593. Get back, get back
all of you!Copy !req
1594. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1595. Give me that!Copy !req
1596. How'd you get free?Copy !req
1597. With a little help
from my friends.Copy !req
1598. Ho-Yaaah!Copy !req
1599. Hands in the air, sucker!Copy !req
1600. Bawk!Copy !req
1601. Oh, give me that.Copy !req
1602. You're 12 years old.Copy !req
1603. This isn't your day,
Crystal,Copy !req
1604. and it isn't your day either
you dumb animals!Copy !req
1605. This is George's day!Copy !req
1606. Come on!Copy !req
1607. What about the snacks?Copy !req
1608. We did it!Copy !req
1609. Yay!Copy !req
1610. Victory!Copy !req
1611. Um, did anyone notice
he still has the dog?Copy !req
1612. Blast, you're right.Copy !req
1613. Take back the yay.Copy !req
1614. Oh, how fortunate.Copy !req
1615. That was truly awful.Copy !req
1616. We should take kazoo caroling
door to door, no?Copy !req
1617. I wouldn't.Copy !req
1618. Neighbours called,
they think you're Satan.Copy !req
1619. Satan. Santa.Copy !req
1620. Same letters switched around.Copy !req
1621. Interesting.Copy !req
1622. And which one are you again?Copy !req
1623. There's only one way
to find out.Copy !req
1624. La, la, la, la, la, get a room.Copy !req
1625. Meow.Copy !req
1626. Sorry.Copy !req
1627. It's okay.Copy !req
1628. If you're selling
I'm not buying.Copy !req
1629. Mom, it's Crystal!Copy !req
1630. Whose phone is this?Copy !req
1631. George and those
two other moronsCopy !req
1632. are trying to steal Jo-Jo!Copy !req
1633. Slow down, who's Jo-Jo?Copy !req
1634. He's a really expensive dog!Copy !req
1635. Wait, wait, where are you?Copy !req
1636. At the mall!Copy !req
1637. What are you doing
at the mall?Copy !req
1638. And what are you doing not
in the other room?Copy !req
1639. I came back to see Grumpy.Copy !req
1640. Hey mom.Copy !req
1641. Because she can talk to me.Copy !req
1642. I am so confused right now.Copy !req
1643. Mom, just get here quick.Copy !req
1644. Call the police
and Mr. Crabtree.Copy !req
1645. I can hold them off
until you get here.Copy !req
1646. Wait, Crystal, no you have
to leave there right now!Copy !req
1647. Gotta go!Copy !req
1648. Hello?Copy !req
1649. Excellent, the plot is
finally coming together.Copy !req
1650. That moment of literary alchemy
when smoke turns to fire!Copy !req
1651. Now, if only I could remember
where I put my mousey toy.Copy !req
1652. of the Serengeti. To CatventCopy !req
1653. Shh, we're on safari!Copy !req
1654. Watch the female hippo
follow the male hippoCopy !req
1655. into the watering hole.Copy !req
1656. Soon, the two will batter
each other with their snoutsCopy !req
1657. in a splashtastic mating frenzy.Copy !req
1658. Oops, sorry that's my other
show, um,Copy !req
1659. also on this network
and available on demand.Copy !req
1660. Anyway, Crystal.Copy !req
1661. Hiyeah!Copy !req
1662. Bad guy.Copy !req
1663. This is George's day!Copy !req
1664. Some dog.Copy !req
1665. I like pot roast.Copy !req
1666. And me.Copy !req
1667. Um, did anyone notice he still
has the dog?Copy !req
1668. And now back to our show.Copy !req
1669. We can't let them get away
with Jo-Jo.Copy !req
1670. Dude, I have like $8
here already.Copy !req
1671. What's with all the pennies man,
people are so cheap.Copy !req
1672. Hey!Copy !req
1673. Oh hey, George, we were
just coming for you.Copy !req
1674. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
1675. Be awhile until I get another
parking ticket.Copy !req
1676. Look at all this coin, man.Copy !req
1677. Ow.Copy !req
1678. Will you two knuckleheads
freaking focus,Copy !req
1679. where are the keys?Copy !req
1680. Right here, man.Copy !req
1681. Ow.Copy !req
1682. Good thing you didn't go
commando, right?Copy !req
1683. Yeah, because somebody
did a crappy jobCopy !req
1684. tying up the little girl.Copy !req
1685. Should I name names?Copy !req
1686. Does it start with a Z?Copy !req
1687. Or a D?Copy !req
1688. Can we just get out of here?Copy !req
1689. Now!Copy !req
1690. Yay, we're going to save
the day.Copy !req
1691. I'm going to call
Crabtree tomorrowCopy !req
1692. and I'm going to state
our terms.Copy !req
1693. State our terms!Copy !req
1694. Alright, when we get the buyer
to pay upCopy !req
1695. do you two idiots think that you
can handle the exchange?Copy !req
1696. Hell yeah.Copy !req
1697. Where are you going to be?Copy !req
1698. Well, my timeline has changed.Copy !req
1699. I'm leaving tonight.Copy !req
1700. And by the way, guess who gets
to drop me off at the airport?Copy !req
1701. As long as you chip in
for gas.Copy !req
1702. You could pay us back, bro.
It's no biggie.Copy !req
1703. Oh no, we're too late!Copy !req
1704. Grumpy?Copy !req
1705. Don't question this,
just hop in sister!Copy !req
1706. Grumpy, are you serious?Copy !req
1707. Of course I'm serious,
look at my face!Copy !req
1708. Buckle up.Copy !req
1709. But you're a cat,
how are you going to —Copy !req
1710. How is this even possible?Copy !req
1711. You can't even reach
the pedals!Copy !req
1712. Thanks, you had to say that.Copy !req
1713. Is this not my movie?Copy !req
1714. Why couldn't you just
go with it?Copy !req
1715. Okay, that never happened.Copy !req
1716. This did.Copy !req
1717. Oh no, we're too late!Copy !req
1718. We'll never catch them
on this!Copy !req
1719. Lets take the Camaro!Copy !req
1720. I don't know how to drive!Copy !req
1721. Don't worry, it's like riding
a bikeCopy !req
1722. but everything is different
so you have to be carefulCopy !req
1723. or you could die.Copy !req
1724. Why not.Copy !req
1725. Try the visor.Copy !req
1726. Aha!Copy !req
1727. How did you?Copy !req
1728. We are in a movie!Copy !req
1729. Punch it.Copy !req
1730. Come on, come on,
they're getting away.Copy !req
1731. Meow!Copy !req
1732. Did we die?Copy !req
1733. Am I in heaven?Copy !req
1734. Is my brother Arturo here?Copy !req
1735. Arturo?Copy !req
1736. Oh my god, what did I do?Copy !req
1737. Ha, something I've been wanting
to do since Thanksgiving.Copy !req
1738. But maybe we should try going
forward this time.Copy !req
1739. Could you have parked
any further away?Copy !req
1740. We scored the shade tree,
we never get this spot.Copy !req
1741. It's night!Copy !req
1742. And what's with
the clown car,Copy !req
1743. could it be any smaller?Copy !req
1744. Hey, I'm reducing
my carbon footprint.Copy !req
1745. Hey, I'm going to put a
footprint right up your -Copy !req
1746. Meow!Copy !req
1747. I promise you a car chase
and I'm delivering a car chase.Copy !req
1748. Yeah!Copy !req
1749. I'm driving!Copy !req
1750. I'm driving!Copy !req
1751. I can't believe I'm driving!Copy !req
1752. Those are doors!Copy !req
1753. I know that!Copy !req
1754. This is the moment where
we're going to blastCopy !req
1755. through this wall of glassCopy !req
1756. as a hail of crystal shards
rain down on our triumphant,Copy !req
1757. heroic figures.Copy !req
1758. Okay, so here's the deal.Copy !req
1759. We had every intention
of shattering that thingCopy !req
1760. but unfortunately we didn't have
the budget for it, okay?Copy !req
1761. Not my problem.Copy !req
1762. This is great.Copy !req
1763. Is everybody comfortable?Copy !req
1764. I'm actually a little cold.Copy !req
1765. Turn the heat up, my man.Copy !req
1766. Don't mind if I do, old chap.Copy !req
1767. It kind of smells in here.Copy !req
1768. How'd you morons fit all
your band equipmentCopy !req
1769. in this puke bucket anyway?Copy !req
1770. Oh, have you ever played
Tetris?Copy !req
1771. It's kind of like that.Copy !req
1772. But not anymore because
we're getting a tour bus!Copy !req
1773. Tour bus!Copy !req
1774. What the?Copy !req
1775. It's Crystal!Copy !req
1776. Aw, why didn't we take
the Camaro?Copy !req
1777. Lets dance, clown car!Copy !req
1778. That's it, Crystal.Copy !req
1779. Surround them in
a circle of death.Copy !req
1780. Oh god, I think
I'm getting sick.Copy !req
1781. We need to find a way in.Copy !req
1782. Crystal?Copy !req
1783. Whoa, meow!Copy !req
1784. Meow!Copy !req
1785. We've got to stop them.Copy !req
1786. Pass them on the left.Copy !req
1787. Yeah, yeah, yeah!Copy !req
1788. This is awesome.Copy !req
1789. What is this kid doing?Copy !req
1790. Meow.Copy !req
1791. Wow, have you done
this before?Copy !req
1792. What do I do, Grumpy?Copy !req
1793. This kind of throw down requires
nerves of steel.Copy !req
1794. And a better soundtrack.Copy !req
1795. Ugh, I said better.Copy !req
1796. Okay good, thank you,
that's more like it.Copy !req
1797. Time to finish what we started.Copy !req
1798. Are you ready?Copy !req
1799. Just go!Copy !req
1800. Step on it and don't flinch.Copy !req
1801. This is so cool!Copy !req
1802. Why did I let you talk me
into this?Copy !req
1803. Ahhhhhh!Copy !req
1804. Ahhhhhh!Copy !req
1805. For those of you who are
keeping scoreCopy !req
1806. we did have enough in
the budget to destroyCopy !req
1807. that cheap piece of scenery.Copy !req
1808. Yes!Copy !req
1809. Uh, Crystal?Copy !req
1810. Uh, crash positions!Copy !req
1811. Meow!Copy !req
1812. Grumpy, no!Copy !req
1813. Grumpy?Copy !req
1814. Grump, talk to me.Copy !req
1815. Meow!Copy !req
1816. Please talk to me.Copy !req
1817. Meow!Copy !req
1818. Grumpy, no, no, no, no,
please.Copy !req
1819. You're my only friend.Copy !req
1820. I need you to say something,
anything.Copy !req
1821. Gotcha.Copy !req
1822. You jerk!Copy !req
1823. Haha, I can talk.Copy !req
1824. Please, like the Lifetime execs
would blow their chanceCopy !req
1825. for a sequel with the internets
biggest cash cat.Copy !req
1826. Meow.Copy !req
1827. Hey, watch the hair.Copy !req
1828. Ow, you're being very aggressive
with my money makers, man.Copy !req
1829. You heard me, I'm a fellow
officer.Copy !req
1830. I'll take that, thank you.Copy !req
1831. Oh hey Crabtree,
thanks for coming.Copy !req
1832. Ow!Copy !req
1833. Lets go!Copy !req
1834. Ow! You're hitting me!Copy !req
1835. That was assault.Copy !req
1836. They did it! They did it!Copy !req
1837. I didn't do anything!Copy !req
1838. I'm an undercover cop.Copy !req
1839. Crystal.Copy !req
1840. Mom, Jesse!Copy !req
1841. Thank god.Copy !req
1842. So glad you're okay.Copy !req
1843. Hey, where's the concern
for me?Copy !req
1844. You had me worried.Copy !req
1845. I'm fine.Copy !req
1846. Those guys didn't do anything
to you, did they?Copy !req
1847. That's a different kind
of Lifetime movie,Copy !req
1848. if you know what I mean.Copy !req
1849. No, mom.Copy !req
1850. Did I see you driving a Camaro?Copy !req
1851. Yeah, but for the record
it was her idea.Copy !req
1852. Is this the cat you said talks?Copy !req
1853. I knew you wouldn't believe me.Copy !req
1854. It's okay, the good news isCopy !req
1855. there are people
who can help you.Copy !req
1856. We will get you the treatment
that you need.Copy !req
1857. Mom, just forget I said
anything okay?Copy !req
1858. I thought you wanted me
to make friends,Copy !req
1859. you just never told me with who.Copy !req
1860. Meow.Copy !req
1861. Alright.Copy !req
1862. I don't care.Copy !req
1863. You are a good kid
and I love you.Copy !req
1864. I love you too.Copy !req
1865. I love you, meow.Copy !req
1866. And I'm going to tell
you somethingCopy !req
1867. you probably didn't know.Copy !req
1868. When I was your ageCopy !req
1869. I had an invisible friend,Copy !req
1870. so at least yours is real.Copy !req
1871. I knew it, Crystal's mom's
a loser.Copy !req
1872. Thanks, mom.Copy !req
1873. She deserves an elf.Copy !req
1874. Hey there, little lady.Copy !req
1875. Hey, Mr. Crabtree.Copy !req
1876. Crystal, you saved Jo-Jo
and you saved my store.Copy !req
1877. Yup, she sure did.Copy !req
1878. You're like a hero.Copy !req
1879. But you also stole my key
and broke into the store.Copy !req
1880. Yeah, about that.Copy !req
1881. So, to pay for the damageCopy !req
1882. I'm going to have
to dock your pay.Copy !req
1883. But you don't pay me.Copy !req
1884. Right, well then I could make
you employee of the month.Copy !req
1885. Really?Copy !req
1886. Well, there's only the two
of youCopy !req
1887. and to be honest Corben's
kind of useless.Copy !req
1888. Wish I was kidding.Copy !req
1889. What?Copy !req
1890. Thank you so much.Copy !req
1891. Ugh, all this sweetness
is killing me.Copy !req
1892. Literally.Copy !req
1893. Or is it figuratively.Copy !req
1894. Either way I don't like it.Copy !req
1895. Hello?Copy !req
1896. Hello?Copy !req
1897. I could use a little help here.Copy !req
1898. Hello?Copy !req
1899. Come on!Copy !req
1900. Alright.Copy !req
1901. Come on, slowpoke.Copy !req
1902. I'm coming!Copy !req
1903. What's wrong?Copy !req
1904. Nothing.Copy !req
1905. I guess Santa didn't come
this year.Copy !req
1906. Why do you say that?Copy !req
1907. Because I didn't get
what I wished for.Copy !req
1908. Which was?Copy !req
1909. I was hoping I would get
to adopt Grumpy.Copy !req
1910. Alright, surprise,
it's me!Copy !req
1911. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1912. Grumpy!Copy !req
1913. Yeah, yeah, surprise.Copy !req
1914. Hey!Copy !req
1915. Oh god.Copy !req
1916. Hey girl.Copy !req
1917. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
1918. All right, lets take it slow
okay?Copy !req
1919. This is the best Christmas
ever.Copy !req
1920. Sure, go ahead, ignore
the title of my movie.Copy !req
1921. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
1922. Hey!Copy !req
1923. Looks like Santa brought me
a present too.Copy !req
1924. Does she mean the coffee
or the elf?Copy !req
1925. Hahaha, good one Grumpy.Copy !req
1926. This is going to take
some getting used to.Copy !req
1927. Meow.Copy !req
1928. Ho, ho, ho.Copy !req
1929. So, remember, make
your Christmas wishCopy !req
1930. and old Saint Nick willCopy !req
1931. Beat it, tubs.Copy !req
1932. Alright everyone, put your
Grumpy faces on and sing.Copy !req
1933. Ahhhhhhhhh!Copy !req
1934. Ha ha!Copy !req
1935. "Have a very Grumpy Christmas.Copy !req
1936. It's the most terrible time
of the year.Copy !req
1937. Bah Humbug.Copy !req