1. - Moron.
- Putz. Where are they biting?Copy !req
2. Pop says that he spotted Catfish Hunter
down at Indian Slough.Copy !req
3. Catfish Hunter? Maybe this
is the year we catch him.Copy !req
4. Where do you get
that "we" crap?Copy !req
5. You got a mouse in your pocket?
That fish belongs to me.Copy !req
6. I'll let you visit him
when he's mounted on my wall.Copy !req
7. Honey?Copy !req
8. You forgot your Thermos.Copy !req
9. Hi, Ariel.Copy !req
10. Hi.Copy !req
11. Thanks. See you later.
Okay.Copy !req
12. That's my fish!Copy !req
13. You son of a...Copy !req
14. Oh, that's it.
Come on, just one good bite.Copy !req
15. Yes, and I got you. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
16. Oh, yes.Copy !req
17. - Oh, no.
Off the wall.Copy !req
18. Oh, damn.Copy !req
19. Here comes another man
around third. He will be held up.Copy !req
20. And Gustaldo with a double,
and it's a 2 to 1 game.Copy !req
21. - Hey.
- Hey, dickhead!Copy !req
22. Turn that radio down.
You're scaring all the fish away.Copy !req
23. Of course, he played
in the Twin Cities...Copy !req
24. before going over to Boston.
We'll have a look at it.Copy !req
25. Turn the damn radio down, will you?Copy !req
26. He just went out and got it—
Unh.Copy !req
27. Who put a bug up your ass?Copy !req
28. I saw him.Copy !req
29. Catfish Hunter?Copy !req
30. Right after I dropped anchor, he stuck
his head up over by that log over there.Copy !req
31. He just looked at me, smiled,
and swam down into the mud.Copy !req
32. - He smiled?
- Yeah.Copy !req
33. Phew.Copy !req
34. - Holy moly. How big is he this year?
- He's the size of a goddamn Buick.Copy !req
35. I would've had him caught
if you hadn't shown up.Copy !req
36. You couldn't catch
crabs from a $10 hooker.Copy !req
37. How is your sister, by the way?Copy !req
38. Ho-ho-ho.Copy !req
39. Hee-ha.Copy !req
40. I saw Sven down at the dam.Copy !req
41. He's says there's a rumor...Copy !req
42. that Rick Ragetti's cousin's coming down
from St. Paul to buy Chuck's Bait.Copy !req
43. An Italian running Chuck's, huh?Copy !req
44. Yeah, we'll have the first mob-run
bait shop in Wabasha.Copy !req
45. No, you...Copy !req
46. - What the hell are you doing?
- I was here first.Copy !req
47. I gotjust as much right to be here
as you do.Copy !req
48. You got bad luck.
I don't want you infecting my spot.Copy !req
49. Find your own damn fishing hole.Copy !req
50. Holy moly. You got a fart in
your brain or something?Copy !req
51. And turn that down.Copy !req
52. Scoring five runs...
- Where you going?Copy !req
53. Not far.Copy !req
54. And bringing the guest on deck.Copy !req
55. What's the matter with that guy?
Getting goofier every year.Copy !req
56. You don't have the balls
to take me on anymore.Copy !req
57. Ariel's had you neutered!Copy !req
58. Come on!
Let's see what you're made of, you—Copy !req
59. Let that be a lesson to you.Copy !req
60. You putz.Copy !req
61. All right, you chicken-livered schmeer.Copy !req
62. Get out of here.Copy !req
63. Isn't it beautiful?
Hmm?Copy !req
64. Hmm.Copy !req
65. The lava lamp?Copy !req
66. - The angel.
- Mm.Copy !req
67. Ariel says he watches over the house.Copy !req
68. Yeah, well, don't get too used to him.Copy !req
69. Our house will be ready soon,
and then we're out of here.Copy !req
70. How long have you been up?Copy !req
71. - For a while.
- Yeah?Copy !req
72. Mm-hm.Copy !req
73. And what have you been doing?Copy !req
74. - Watching you.
- What?Copy !req
75. - I'm up!
- Yes, you are.Copy !req
76. Morning, honey.Copy !req
77. Why don't you go downstairs?
I'll be right out to make you breakfast.Copy !req
78. She hates me.Copy !req
79. She doesn't hate you.
She just doesn't like you very much.Copy !req
80. Mm-hm.Copy !req
81. I thought I'd check out some reception
halls for the wedding today.Copy !req
82. Oh.Copy !req
83. Uh, I forgot to tell you.
I talked to Pop.Copy !req
84. - And he's already booked a place.
- He did?Copy !req
85. - Yeah.
- That's great.Copy !req
86. - Yeah.
- Did he get the Radisson in La Crosse?Copy !req
87. Oh, no.Copy !req
88. - The Pepin dance hall?
- That would've been great. But no.Copy !req
89. The Majestic Ballroom?Copy !req
90. Not even close.Copy !req
91. What's left?Copy !req
92. Slippery's Tavern.Copy !req
93. - You're serious.
- I know it's not what we wanted.Copy !req
94. No, it's always been my dream
to have my reception...Copy !req
95. in a bar
where you can throw peanut shells.Copy !req
96. - First of all, it's a tavern.
- it's a bar.Copy !req
97. Okay.Copy !req
98. I'll call him. He'll cancel.
We'll find our own place.Copy !req
99. - No, forget it.
- Are you sure?Copy !req
100. Yeah, it was my idea
to let them help plan the wedding.Copy !req
101. And I gotta tell you,
it was a great idea.Copy !req
102. It is nice to see them getting along
for a change.Copy !req
103. It's amazing
how well they're getting along.Copy !req
104. Ah! Ha!Copy !req
105. What are you—? Ha.Copy !req
106. You didn't win, I quit.Copy !req
107. I got better things to do
than dick around with you all day.Copy !req
108. - Really? What?
- We got a wedding to plan, bonehead.Copy !req
109. - Remember?
- How can I forget?Copy !req
110. - See you later, John.
- See you later, Max.Copy !req
111. Hey, Pop.
Shush.Copy !req
112. Huh?Copy !req
113. - He's here.
- What, Catfish Hunter?Copy !req
114. He's by the sandbar.Copy !req
115. You know the damn fish
is older than I am?Copy !req
116. Thanks.Copy !req
117. - What the—? What the hell is this?
- What? That's light beer.Copy !req
118. Gee, I weight 90 goddamn pounds,
and you bring me this slopping foam?Copy !req
119. Ha, ha, Ariel's got me on a diet...Copy !req
120. because the doc said
my cholesterol's a little too high.Copy !req
121. Well, let me tell you something now,
Johnny.Copy !req
122. Last Thursday, I turned 95 years old.Copy !req
123. - Yeah.
- And I never exercised a day in my life.Copy !req
124. Huh.Copy !req
125. Every morning,
I wake up and I smoke a cigarette.Copy !req
126. And then I eat five strips of bacon.Copy !req
127. And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich.Copy !req
128. - And for a midday snack—
- Bacon.Copy !req
129. - Bacon. A whole damn plate.
- Bacon.Copy !req
130. And I usually drink my dinner.Copy !req
131. Now, according to all
of them flat-belly experts...Copy !req
132. I should've took a dirt nap, like,
30 years ago.Copy !req
133. But each year comes and goes,
and I'm still here...Copy !req
134. ha, and they keep dying, you know?Copy !req
135. Hmm.Copy !req
136. Sometimes I wonder
if God forgot about me, ha, ha.Copy !req
137. It just goes to show you, huh?Copy !req
138. - What?
- Huh?Copy !req
139. Goes to show you what?Copy !req
140. Well, it just—
What the hell are you talking about?Copy !req
141. Well, you said you drink beer, you eat
bacon, and you smoke cigarettes...Copy !req
142. and you outlive most of the experts.Copy !req
143. - Yeah?
- I thought maybe there's a moral.Copy !req
144. No, there ain't no moral.Copy !req
145. I just like that story.Copy !req
146. That's all.Copy !req
147. I like that story.Copy !req
148. Good afternoon.Copy !req
149. Oh, it's good to see you too.Copy !req
150. Aren't you beautiful today?Copy !req
151. Are you thirsty, huh?Copy !req
152. Oh, there we go. Drink up.Copy !req
153. Yeah. Drink up.Copy !req
154. That's right.Copy !req
155. Ooh, there we go. There we go.
Drink up.Copy !req
156. - Yeah.
- Hi, Ariel.Copy !req
157. Oh, hi. Isn't it a glorious afternoon?Copy !req
158. It's not bad.Copy !req
159. - You okay? Feeling all right?
- Splendid. Why?Copy !req
160. Well, I couldn't help noticing
that you were talking to the flowers.Copy !req
161. Oh, plants and flowers
are living organisms and...Copy !req
162. And they respond to voice and touch
just like any other creature would.Copy !req
163. You should try it yourself sometime.Copy !req
164. I got a cactus in my bathroom,
but we got nothing to say to each other.Copy !req
165. Oh.Copy !req
166. I better get going. See you.Copy !req
167. - Max?
- Yes.Copy !req
168. Listen, I'm, uh...Copy !req
169. Look, I'm cooking Cantonese tonight.
Why don't you join us?Copy !req
170. Well, I already made other plans.Copy !req
171. - Are you sure?
- Thanks anyway.Copy !req
172. Appreciate it.Copy !req
173. What happens when Bonnie and Clyde
turn out to be Bonnie and Bonnie?Copy !req
174. "Lesbian Bandits, " next on Geraldo.Copy !req
175. Oh, lesbians, yummy.Copy !req
176. Wait. Stop.Copy !req
177. Ah, would you...Copy !req
178. Well, yeah, but I like those.Copy !req
179. Can I do this?Copy !req
180. No,no, no.Copy !req
181. Gotta wait.Copy !req
182. Well, why don't we just put everything
in there?Copy !req
183. Yeah, throw it all in there.
What—?Copy !req
184. I need to borrow a Phillips screwdriver.Copy !req
185. Oh, hi, Jacob. You been here long?
Ha, ha.Copy !req
186. - No.
- Phillips.Copy !req
187. Don't you think
it's time you started dating again?Copy !req
188. Who With?Copy !req
189. I happen to know Florence Gilbert,
for example, thinks you're quite a catch.Copy !req
190. She looks like Ernest Borgnine.Copy !req
191. Is that such a bad thing?
What about Jane Clark?Copy !req
192. - Jane Clark.
- Jane of the Jungle.Copy !req
193. Got more body hair than I do.Copy !req
194. She's a furbearing mammal,
for God's sakes.Copy !req
195. Doris Zabrinski, huh?Copy !req
196. I know she's a little heavy,
but she loves to fish.Copy !req
197. - You get her on the boat—
- Doris Zabrinski is dead.Copy !req
198. She is?Copy !req
199. She choked to death on a stack
of pancakes two weeks ago...Copy !req
200. at the Lions Club charity breakfast.Copy !req
201. Wow.Copy !req
202. I think it's how she would've wanted
to go.Copy !req
203. - Pop.
- Yeah.Copy !req
204. Listen to me.Copy !req
205. You can't sit around waiting for
another Ariel to walk into your life.Copy !req
206. Thanks for the Phillips.Copy !req
207. Jacob.Copy !req
208. - What?
- Remember when you were a kid...Copy !req
209. your mother baked that rhubarb pie
for my birthday?Copy !req
210. She swelled up like a balloon.
Broke out in hives.Copy !req
211. She didn't know she was allergic
to rhubarb.Copy !req
212. Oh, she knew.Copy !req
213. She baked it anyway
because she knew it was my favorite.Copy !req
214. - What made you think of that, Pop?
- I don't know.Copy !req
215. I think about things
like that all the time.Copy !req
216. Hey, Pop.Copy !req
217. Are you all right?Copy !req
218. Will you get out of
here and let me watch?Copy !req
219. Close the door when you
go because I don'tCopy !req
220. want those mosquitoes
coming in here.Copy !req
221. They're crazy
about my macaroni-and-cheese dish.Copy !req
222. Hello?Copy !req
223. Anybody here?Copy !req
224. Hey, wait a second.
My name is Max Goldman.Copy !req
225. I'm a friend, lady. Take it easy.Copy !req
226. Look, relax. Would you relax?Copy !req
227. Put it down.
- Mama.Copy !req
228. Cut it out, lady. What's the matter—?Copy !req
229. Mama, what are you doing?
- I'm gonna whack him.Copy !req
230. - Put that down.
- He try to steal the vino rosso.Copy !req
231. You think everyone
is trying to steal the vino.Copy !req
232. - They are.
- This is a small town.Copy !req
233. You can trust people here. Ugh.Copy !req
234. Like Antonio?Copy !req
235. Next time he touch vino,
I whack his head like a melon.Copy !req
236. Holy moly.Copy !req
237. Oh, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
238. Scusare, but my mother is a little
bit too protective of the wine.Copy !req
239. Yes, so I noticed.Copy !req
240. She crushed the grapes herself
back in Palermo.Copy !req
241. It's a rare vintage
with a unique bouquet, heh.Copy !req
242. Is that a nice way of saying that, uh,
the wine smells like your mama's feet?Copy !req
243. No. No.Copy !req
244. L— I was, uh— My name's Goldman.
Max Goldman. I live in the area here.Copy !req
245. Maria Sophia
Coletta Ragetti.Copy !req
246. - Ah, that's quite a name.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
247. - Ragetti.
- Ragetti.Copy !req
248. - You're Spaghetti Ragetti's cousin.
- Yes. Why so surprised? Ha, ha.Copy !req
249. Holy moly. Well, I thought...Copy !req
250. I thought... Uh, I was expecting
someone that looked like Rick.Copy !req
251. - How's that?
- You know, fat, hairy, homely.Copy !req
252. But you're not so fat.Copy !req
253. You're a smooth talker, Mr. Goldman.Copy !req
254. Heh, there's more where that came from,
Miss Ragetti.Copy !req
255. When is the, uh, bait shop
gonna be back in business?Copy !req
256. - Uh, bait shop?
- Yeah.Copy !req
257. What is a bait shop?Copy !req
258. Well, that's what we call it here
in Minnesota.Copy !req
259. What do you call it
where you come from?Copy !req
260. Oh, we call it, uh, I
think, uh, ristorante.Copy !req
261. Ristorante, mm-hm.Copy !req
262. - Ristorante?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
263. What, uh—? You mean you're gonna
turn this into a restaurant?Copy !req
264. - No, you can't be serious.
- Why not?Copy !req
265. Well, there's gonna be a lot of noise here,
people coming, driving with cars.Copy !req
266. - You're gonna scare all the fish away.
- This is the land of 10,000 lakes.Copy !req
267. Go find another one.Copy !req
268. No, you're wasting your
time, Miss Ragetti.Copy !req
269. I'm telling you.Copy !req
270. No, people are not gonna come down here
for Italian...Copy !req
271. when we got a Chuck E. Cheese
right in town.Copy !req
272. Listen, I don't know this
Cheese person...Copy !req
273. but Ragetti's will be
a romantic lakefront ristorante.Copy !req
274. It will be special, classy...Copy !req
275. somewhere you would never go.Copy !req
276. Oh, you can say that again.Copy !req
277. Via, via, there's so much to do
before the opening of my ristorante.Copy !req
278. Bait shop.Copy !req
279. Bait shop.Copy !req
280. - You should've let me whack him.
- Yeah.Copy !req
281. I'm done.Copy !req
282. Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon.Copy !req
283. Well, you can wish in one hand,
and crap in the other...Copy !req
284. and see which gets filled first.Copy !req
285. Yeah, well this wagon's
gotta get filled first. I'll be back.Copy !req
286. - Well, pick me up a pack of Camels.
All right, you got it.Copy !req
287. Uh— Ooh.Copy !req
288. Hey, hey.Copy !req
289. You need a hand with that, huh?Copy !req
290. My name's Gustafson.Copy !req
291. Italian girl.Copy !req
292. What do you say we go back
to my place?Copy !req
293. I'll show you my cannelloni.Copy !req
294. Huh?Copy !req
295. Ooh.Copy !req
296. Hi, Chris.Copy !req
297. Hi, how you doing?
- Fine.Copy !req
298. We need a cleanup in Aisle 5.Copy !req
299. Aah!
Oh.Copy !req
300. Ox.Copy !req
301. Nag.Copy !req
302. Hey, moron.
- Putz. Where you been?Copy !req
303. I've been looking all over for you.Copy !req
304. - Why? What's so important?
- That.Copy !req
305. - Jeez Louise, who is that?
- That's Spaghetti Ragetti's cousin.Copy !req
306. Uh, you mean she
is gonna be running the bait shop?Copy !req
307. - Huh?
- And you can forget...Copy !req
308. about leaving your boat down there.
It's all private property.Copy !req
309. Oh, God, Chuck would be spinning in
his grave if he knew about this.Copy !req
310. You can say that again.Copy !req
311. I guess there's nothing much
we can do about it now.Copy !req
312. You're just gonna stand there
and let all this happen?Copy !req
313. Well, what—?
- I've been fishing that spot...Copy !req
314. ever since I'm 5 years old.
It's all I got left.Copy !req
315. I know, but what am
I gonna do about it?Copy !req
316. Well, we gotta come
up with some plan.Copy !req
317. We gotta find a way
to put the kibosh on all this mess.Copy !req
318. Well, uh—Copy !req
319. It's okay, I'm a doctor.Copy !req
320. Oh, it sounds like Dad's using
his "free exam" trick again.Copy !req
321. Well, you gotta stick with what works.Copy !req
322. Hey, listen. Ask—Copy !req
323. Ask Jacob if he can pull some strings
with the city council, huh?Copy !req
324. Find out what day this ristorante is
supposed to have its health inspection.Copy !req
325. I think I got an idea.Copy !req
326. That's...Copy !req
327. - That's good thinking.
Dad!Copy !req
328. Oh, Max is right. Our fishing
spot's gonna be totally ruined.Copy !req
329. They might as well drain
the whole damn lake.Copy !req
330. Stop moving.Copy !req
331. Oh, you know the sign she put up, honey?
"Parking for restaurant customers only."Copy !req
332. Just a little while longer.Copy !req
333. Maybe they'll have a grease fire
in the kitchen.Copy !req
334. - John.
- Well, a guy can dream, can't he?Copy !req
335. You gotta let this thing go, honey.
Gotta let it go.Copy !req
336. Chuck is gone, the bait shop is gone,
things move on.Copy !req
337. And I suggest you do the same.Copy !req
338. Hmm.Copy !req
339. And stop fidgeting.Copy !req
340. Hmm. I don't know why the hell
I ever let you talk me into doing this.Copy !req
341. God, if Max could see me now,
I'd never live it down.Copy !req
342. Would you relax?
We're the only ones here.Copy !req
343. - There's nobody here except you and me.
- Hmm.Copy !req
344. What a putz.Copy !req
345. Will you look at that poor man?Copy !req
346. And then the mama bear said:Copy !req
347. "Somebody's
been sleeping in my bed too."Copy !req
348. And finally,
the baby bear looked and he said:Copy !req
349. "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed...Copy !req
350. and the bastard's still there."Copy !req
351. But Goldilocks
had a Remington semi-automatic...Copy !req
352. with a scope and a hair trigger.Copy !req
353. That's not the way it goes.Copy !req
354. And that was the end...Copy !req
355. of the three bears.Copy !req
356. Sing me a lullaby.Copy !req
357. Oh, it's too late.Copy !req
358. Please?Copy !req
359. All right.Copy !req
360. Good night, sweet pea.Copy !req
361. Good night.Copy !req
362. Happy dreams.Copy !req
363. Okay, that leaves Uncle Willy sitting
next to the plant lady.Copy !req
364. I'm not sticking the plant lady
next to your Uncle Willy.Copy !req
365. - Why not?
- Because he's a groper.Copy !req
366. He'll be all over her.Copy !req
367. He's not a groper.
He's a touchy-feely person.Copy !req
368. Well, he's not gonna be touchy-feelying
the plant lady.Copy !req
369. It's not like she's a close friend.Copy !req
370. We don't know her name.
"The plant lady." What is that?Copy !req
371. Well, it doesn't mean she's
not important to me.Copy !req
372. - Fine.
- Good.Copy !req
373. Allie, honey, don't put the quarter
in your mouth.Copy !req
374. You're not my daddy.Copy !req
375. Hey, what do you got there, Pop?Copy !req
376. A bacon sandwich.
- Bacon sandwich.Copy !req
377. What do you say, kids?
What are you doing?Copy !req
378. Trying to finish the
seating arrangement.Copy !req
379. Oh, you don't have to.
Max and I have come up with a plan.Copy !req
380. Oh, no, Dad.
You guys have done way too much already.Copy !req
381. Hello, children.Copy !req
382. - Hey, moron.
- Putz.Copy !req
383. You, uh, find the rat?Copy !req
384. No, but Allie said
we could borrow Sparky.Copy !req
385. What if he gets away?Copy !req
386. I made a leash.Copy !req
387. - That's good thinking.
- Yeah.Copy !req
388. Hey, what do you guys want
with Sparky?Copy !req
389. Wait. I don't wanna know.Copy !req
390. - Heh, it's men talk.
- See you later, huh?Copy !req
391. Allie, where's the quarter?Copy !req
392. Honey. Allie, honey.Copy !req
393. - Did you swallow a quarter?
- I'll call the doctor.Copy !req
394. Relax. Kids swallow
quarters all the time.Copy !req
395. - Really?
- Sure.Copy !req
396. If she craps out two
dimes and a nickel...Copy !req
397. then you can start worrying, huh?Copy !req
398. Come here, honey. Say "Ah."Copy !req
399. - Personally clean every little corner.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
400. Just look, heh.Copy !req
401. - Like a mirror, heh.
- Miss Ragetti.Copy !req
402. Well, Miss Ragetti, everything appears
to be up to our standards.Copy !req
403. I'm very glad, ha, ha.Copy !req
404. Of course, appearances can be deceiving.Copy !req
405. No. We'll see. We'll see.Copy !req
406. - What do you think? Now?
- Unleash the beast.Copy !req
407. You will be wearing your hairnet
when you're cooking for the public?Copy !req
408. Say yes.Copy !req
409. What did she say?Copy !req
410. Uh, she said, uh, "Yes, sir, of course."Copy !req
411. Well, everything seems to be in order.Copy !req
412. - Act rabid.
- Be rabid.Copy !req
413. Good luck to you, you schmuck.Copy !req
414. - What?
- it's a rat!Copy !req
415. - A rat? Here?
Vermin infestation.Copy !req
416. - I'm writing you up.
Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
417. It's, uh—Copy !req
418. It's not a rat, it's a—Copy !req
419. It's a guinea pig.Copy !req
420. - A guinea pig?
- it's a guinea pig. Look.Copy !req
421. What are the chances that
a guinea pig would run through here...Copy !req
422. on an inspection day?Copy !req
423. Hmm?Copy !req
424. Well, lately, I must say
that the chances are pretty good.Copy !req
425. - Ox.
- Nag.Copy !req
426. I don't think we've met.Copy !req
427. - Oh.
- I'm Maria Ragetti.Copy !req
428. Uh, how do you—? Uh, John Gustafson.Copy !req
429. Ah.Copy !req
430. You like Italian, Mr. Gustafson?Copy !req
431. Well, yeah, I guess so. Why?Copy !req
432. Arrivederci, boys.Copy !req
433. Should we ask her for some garlic bread?Copy !req
434. How could I be so wrong?Copy !req
435. You have a gift.Copy !req
436. Not one customer all day.Copy !req
437. I mean, besides him.Copy !req
438. Hey, more vino, sefiorita.Copy !req
439. - You go.
- it's your turn.Copy !req
440. Mm.Copy !req
441. I put his bib on.Copy !req
442. Bah.Copy !req
443. Well...Copy !req
444. What's the matter, beautiful?Copy !req
445. You're meaner than a dog shitting tacks.Copy !req
446. We put everything into this place.Copy !req
447. - We could've retired in Hawaii.
- I have been to Hawaii.Copy !req
448. - Which island?
- Come-on-I-want-to-lay-you.Copy !req
449. I find you disgusting.Copy !req
450. Well, just as long
as you find me, dear.Copy !req
451. You want to join me, Miss Ragetti?Copy !req
452. - Oh.
Huh?Copy !req
453. What the hell.Copy !req
454. Thattagirl.Copy !req
455. Yeah.Copy !req
456. Ding-dong, the witch is dead.Copy !req
457. - Here's to us, huh?
- And to those like us.Copy !req
458. Yeah, there's damn few of us left.Copy !req
459. - Ha, ha. That's a damn good thing.
Hmm.Copy !req
460. To Chuck.Copy !req
461. May his bait shop never die.Copy !req
462. Mama. Get dressed.Copy !req
463. We go to town.Copy !req
464. Mama?Copy !req
465. Praise the Lord.Copy !req
466. Ooh!Copy !req
467. Holy moly.Copy !req
468. Is this seat taken?Copy !req
469. MAN s; on, boy.
Hmm?Copy !req
470. Uh...Copy !req
471. - No.
Beware.Copy !req
472. The devil is a beautiful lady
in a red dress.Copy !req
473. - Can I get you something, ma'am?
- Oh, yes, please. It's so hot in here.Copy !req
474. Maybe some, uh, ice water
could cool me down.Copy !req
475. - Uh, yes, ma'am.
- C)of.Copy !req
476. Max.Copy !req
477. I've been thinking...Copy !req
478. it's such a shame
that we got off on the wrong foot.Copy !req
479. It's a shame.Copy !req
480. I'll bet if we give it another chance...Copy !req
481. we could, uh, become good friends.Copy !req
482. - Friends?
- Or maybe even more than friends.Copy !req
483. Huh?
- Hmm?Copy !req
484. Go easy. Go easy, baby. You know:Copy !req
485. Ooh.Copy !req
486. This feels so much better. So nice.Copy !req
487. Ah, so cool.Copy !req
488. It's so nice. Ah.Copy !req
489. How do you feel?Copy !req
490. Friendly. Friendly.Copy !req
491. I wish I could feel like you do...Copy !req
492. but this silly feud of ours
has got me so upset.Copy !req
493. What silly feud of ours?Copy !req
494. It's a tiny little ristorante.Copy !req
495. You will never even know it's there.Copy !req
496. - Never!
- You are a stubborn man.Copy !req
497. Ragetti's will be a very great success.
You shall see.Copy !req
498. Not in my lifetime!Copy !req
499. Bah...Copy !req
500. You evil temptress!Copy !req
501. Maria?Copy !req
502. Maria Ragetti?Copy !req
503. How do you know who I am?Copy !req
504. Well, you do sort of stand out
in a town like this.Copy !req
505. I don't usually dress like this.Copy !req
506. What... You look very nice.Copy !req
507. I look like, uh...Copy !req
508. a slut.Copy !req
509. But a nice slut.Copy !req
510. Uh, look, I want to introduce myself.
My name is Ariel Gustafson.Copy !req
511. And I want to tell you
how very sorry I am...Copy !req
512. for what Max and John
are putting you through.Copy !req
513. You know how some people
have trouble saying goodbye?Copy !req
514. Believe me,
it has nothing to do with you.Copy !req
515. Why do you say such nice things?
You don't even know me.Copy !req
516. Mm, because I know what it's like
to be the new kid in town.Copy !req
517. Ah.Copy !req
518. Here comes another one.Copy !req
519. Hello, boys.
- Hey, honey, how was class?Copy !req
520. Ariel.Copy !req
521. Well, you two must be very happy
with yourselves.Copy !req
522. I just ran into Maria
and she's in tears.Copy !req
523. - She thinks that everybody hates her.
- She's right.Copy !req
524. John, I want you to go right
to Ragetti's and apologize.Copy !req
525. - Apologize?
- For what?Copy !req
526. - We were trying to explain to her.
- She should've listened.Copy !req
527. I'll meet you at home, honey.Copy !req
528. Mm...Copy !req
529. Mm...Copy !req
530. I always knew
you were on a short leash...Copy !req
531. but I didn't know
you were on a choke collar.Copy !req
532. Nobody's in charge in my house
except me.Copy !req
533. That's the way to talk, Gustafson.Copy !req
534. I'm going home now
and get this matter straightened out.Copy !req
535. You're the man of the house,
the king of the castle.Copy !req
536. Hey, Max, top her off?
- Sure.Copy !req
537. Long live the king!Copy !req
538. Bah.Copy !req
539. - She threw me out.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
540. - Uh, come on, just for tonight.
- Forget it.Copy !req
541. - You won't even know I'm here.
- That's because you won't be here.Copy !req
542. - What?
- I'm cold.Copy !req
543. Here's some matches.
Set yourself on fire.Copy !req
544. Ah.Copy !req
545. Oh.Copy !req
546. You got three TVs on.
You're not looking at any of them.Copy !req
547. What a pig-Copy !req
548. Hey, that's my tuna on rye.
I've been looking all over for that.Copy !req
549. Where'd you find it?Copy !req
550. Would you like a half? Huh?Copy !req
551. This milk has chunks in it.Copy !req
552. What's your point?Copy !req
553. - What am I doing?
- What?Copy !req
554. Right next door,
I've got a beautiful wife, my own bed...Copy !req
555. and a refrigerator full of food
that hasn't passed its expiration date.Copy !req
556. - So, what are you saying?
- I'm going to apologize to Maria.Copy !req
557. - You traitor. You Benedict Arnold.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
558. Heh, finally.Copy !req
559. Didn't think he'd last this long.Copy !req
560. Smells all right.Copy !req
561. And why all of a sudden
this change of heart?Copy !req
562. I had a guilty conscience.Copy !req
563. Well, okay.
Ariel kicked me out of the house.Copy !req
564. I knew I liked your wife.Copy !req
565. And what about Max?Copy !req
566. Uh, Max? Oh, my God, forget it.Copy !req
567. Max is much too hardheaded
to ever say he's sorry.Copy !req
568. - He's proud.
- Of what?Copy !req
569. I don't know. He has a strong character,
and, uh, I admire that.Copy !req
570. Now, wait a minute. You admire Max?Copy !req
571. - Yeah.
- You really are from out of town.Copy !req
572. Be careful. The grappa is very strong.Copy !req
573. You are speaking to a Gustafson.
I can hold my liquor.Copy !req
574. And this stuff too.Copy !req
575. - How long have you been married?
- Six months next week.Copy !req
576. - How about you?
- Oh, I'm divorced.Copy !req
577. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- Antonio was, uh...Copy !req
578. - Jeez, that sounds bad.
- It ain't good.Copy !req
579. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
580. Enough of that. I don't
want to bore you.Copy !req
581. Mr. Gustafson?Copy !req
582. Good night, Ariel.Copy !req
583. Hey.Copy !req
584. Yo, ho, there, ma.Copy !req
585. Pop.Copy !req
586. Hey, Jacob. How are you?
- Thanks for the Phillips.Copy !req
587. Listen, uh, Pop.Copy !req
588. Uh, Melanie and I wanted to thank
you and John— I got it.Copy !req
589. Uh, Melanie and I just wanted
you and John to know...Copy !req
590. how much we appreciate the help
you've given us planning the wedding.Copy !req
591. No, there's need to thank me, Jacob.Copy !req
592. Well, yes, but we actually—Copy !req
593. Nothing would make us happier
than to see you two tie the knot.Copy !req
594. Thanks, but—Copy !req
595. And it means a great deal to me
to be a part of it. I mean it.Copy !req
596. I'm proud of you, son.Copy !req
597. Studying up on your Italian, are you?Copy !req
598. Thinking of wooing Maria?Copy !req
599. No, I'm just gonna curse at her
in her own language, that's all.Copy !req
600. - I think she's a lesbian anyway.
- How would you know?Copy !req
601. - You've never seen a lesbian.
- Did too. Saw them on Geraldo.Copy !req
602. Uh-huh. Say whatever you will.
You got the hots for her.Copy !req
603. Not in a million years.
She's just a pig-headed Italian witch...Copy !req
604. with piss and vinegar
running through her veins.Copy !req
605. He's in love.Copy !req
606. Ariel, buongiorno.Copy !req
607. Where are you off to?Copy !req
608. Sven said he spotted Catfish Hunter
down at Indian Slough.Copy !req
609. - Thought I'd go down and take a look.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
610. - Oh, where's Tweedledum?
- Tweedledum?Copy !req
611. Oh, John. John. Ha-ha-ha. Tweedledum.Copy !req
612. - L— I don't know.
- You don't know?Copy !req
613. He didn't spend the night here?Copy !req
614. No. Last night he said he was going down
to Ragetti's to apologize to Maria.Copy !req
615. You mean to tell me
he didn't come home?Copy !req
616. No.Copy !req
617. - He's alive.
- Take these. You'll feel better.Copy !req
618. Oh, God. What happened?Copy !req
619. You passed out.
I didn't think you should drive home.Copy !req
620. Oh, God, I feel like a polka band
is playing in my head.Copy !req
621. Hmm. You'll feel better
after a hot shower. Come on. Mama.Copy !req
622. Yeah, but I don't really—
I don't need a hot shower.Copy !req
623. What if he had an accident?Copy !req
624. The only accident he's gonna have
is when I see him.Copy !req
625. I'm sure there's a logical explanation
for all this.Copy !req
626. You know, it must be nice living
in Never Never Land.Copy !req
627. Maybe I'll come and visit you sometime
when I need a break from reality.Copy !req
628. Step on it.Copy !req
629. He's gonna explain everything...Copy !req
630. and I'll listen carefully,
and then I'm gonna kill him.Copy !req
631. I'm sure there's a logical explanation
for all this, Ariel.Copy !req
632. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
633. - All right, where is he?
What?Copy !req
634. - We know he's in here. Where is he?
- Yes, don't try to deny it.Copy !req
635. - But wait, you
don't understand.Copy !req
636. Ah, I want to
talk to him right now.Copy !req
637. But let me explain.Copy !req
638. Gustafson!
Get out here!Copy !req
639. Gustafson!
- What the hell? What?Copy !req
640. What's going on here?
- Nothing is going on here.Copy !req
641. Where's John?Copy !req
642. Wait a minute!Copy !req
643. John.Copy !req
644. What?Copy !req
645. How could you?Copy !req
646. What—? What, this?
This isn't what it looks like.Copy !req
647. - Gustafson, you're doing it again.
- What the hell are you talking about?Copy !req
648. First it was May. Then it was Ariel.Copy !req
649. And now it's Maria.Copy !req
650. Watch that damn thing.
You said you hated Maria.Copy !req
651. That's not the point!Copy !req
652. And you're the one who said
I should apologize to her.Copy !req
653. Apologize, yes, not sleep with her.
There is a difference, you know.Copy !req
654. You think I had sex with your husband?Copy !req
655. Well, you sure weren't having sex
with me.Copy !req
656. Why should I have sex with you?
You just said you hated me.Copy !req
657. He said I hated you.
I never said I hated you.Copy !req
658. Actually, I've grown quite fond of you!Copy !req
659. So now I'm supposed to have sex with you
instead of him.Copy !req
660. Aha. So you admit that you slept
with my husband, huh? Huh?Copy !req
661. Nobody slept with anybody last night.Copy !req
662. Speak for yourself.Copy !req
663. Mama.Copy !req
664. Jeez.Copy !req
665. I had a little too much
to drink last night.Copy !req
666. Sure. Blame it on the booze.Copy !req
667. And you think that that's
an acceptable excuse for what you did?Copy !req
668. Are you gonna let me finish?
- No!Copy !req
669. I know my Maria. She don't want nothing
to do with that man.Copy !req
670. - Oh, yeah? How do you know that?
- Because!Copy !req
671. She wants that man.Copy !req
672. Me?Copy !req
673. What do you want with me?Copy !req
674. What is that supposed to mean?Copy !req
675. I'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt.Copy !req
676. So I'll call you?Copy !req
677. Three tiers like this, yeah?Copy !req
678. The lemon cake with the white frosting
and the yellow flowers. You like?Copy !req
679. - It's perfect, Lena.
- Exactly what we wanted.Copy !req
680. And now, for the big surprise.Copy !req
681. - No, what surprise?
- We don't want any surprises.Copy !req
682. - John thought of this
one all by himself.Copy !req
683. Oh, no.Copy !req
684. The groom goes here.Copy !req
685. And the bride...Copy !req
686. she goes on top like this.Copy !req
687. And then this goes here.Copy !req
688. And then on top of the cake,
in the frosting...Copy !req
689. we spell out:Copy !req
690. "Melanie has landed herself
another husband."Copy !req
691. This is not good.Copy !req
692. MariaCopy !req
693. I just met a girl named MariaCopy !req
694. And suddenly I seeCopy !req
695. She's not the bitchCopy !req
696. I thought she'd beCopy !req
697. MariaCopy !req
698. Oh, Maria, Maria, MariaCopy !req
699. MariaCopy !req
700. MariaCopy !req
701. Shh.Copy !req
702. - Ox.
- Nag.Copy !req
703. I didn't know you were a fisherman.Copy !req
704. There are a lot of things you don't know
about me.Copy !req
705. Any luck?Copy !req
706. Ooh. Holy moly.Copy !req
707. I showed you mine,
now you show me yours.Copy !req
708. Oh, I don't— Oh, you mean the fish.Copy !req
709. Uh...Copy !req
710. It ain't the size that matters.Copy !req
711. Are we still talking about your fish?Copy !req
712. Very funny.Copy !req
713. I, uh— You know, Maria...Copy !req
714. I've lived here all my life.Copy !req
715. Nobody knows about this place
any more than I do. I know everything.Copy !req
716. I could take you around sometime
if you...Copy !req
717. If you would like it.Copy !req
718. - Are you asking me on a date?
- Hell, no.Copy !req
719. But if I were, and I'm not, mind you,
what would you say?Copy !req
720. Well, if I were to accept,
and I'm not saying I would—Copy !req
721. - Yeah, because I haven't asked you.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
722. —I would say, um...Copy !req
723. What would you say?Copy !req
724. Hmm...Copy !req
725. - Maybe.
- Maybe?Copy !req
726. - What kind of an answer is maybe?
- Ha, ha, maybe's maybe.Copy !req
727. Then, uh, maybe I'll stop by
at 7:00 tonight.Copy !req
728. Maybe I'll cook something nice for you
in the kitchen.Copy !req
729. I'll see you then.Copy !req
730. Maybe.Copy !req
731. Ciao.Copy !req
732. Ciao.Copy !req
733. Whatever that means.Copy !req
734. What do you think, Mama?Copy !req
735. Don't you think
it would make me look fat?Copy !req
736. You should be so picky.
He's got the face of a mackerel.Copy !req
737. Antonio had the face of an angel
and look where it got me.Copy !req
738. How many times do you have
to get your heart broken, eh?Copy !req
739. Max is different, Mama.
He makes me laugh.Copy !req
740. I don't like this. Not one bit.Copy !req
741. But it's just a date.
I'm not marrying him.Copy !req
742. - Not yet.
- "Not yet." Mama, eh.Copy !req
743. Are you sure you like the white better?Copy !req
744. Definitely the blue.Copy !req
745. Oh, boy.Copy !req
746. - Ha, ha, I'm a little nervous.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
747. - You just be yourself. You'll be fine.
- Yeah.Copy !req
748. Oh, why don't you pick up a bottle of
wine on the way, huh?Copy !req
749. - She'll appreciate the gesture.
- Check.Copy !req
750. And don't forget, now,
compliment her on how great she looks.Copy !req
751. - Okay. Already got that covered.
- Let me hear it.Copy !req
752. Maria.Copy !req
753. There may be lots of fish in the sea...Copy !req
754. but you're the only one
I would like to mount over my fireplace.Copy !req
755. That's not bad.Copy !req
756. - You notice the sexual innuendo?
- I did.Copy !req
757. Subliminal messages.Copy !req
758. It's how you get people to do
what you want without them knowing it.Copy !req
759. - Yeah, where'd you learn that?
- Geraldo.Copy !req
760. Oh, boy.Copy !req
761. Hey. Very nice.Copy !req
762. Yeah, I went to Nate's Auto Body Shop.
Had all the seats refinished.Copy !req
763. It's authentic imitation leather.Copy !req
764. Well, go get them, tiger.
You got nothing to worry about.Copy !req
765. He's doomed.Copy !req
766. There are many fish in the sea, Maria...Copy !req
767. but you're the only one
I want to mount over my fireplace.Copy !req
768. You're the only one...Copy !req
769. But you're...Copy !req
770. Ciao.Copy !req
771. Holy moly.Copy !req
772. - Good evening, Maria.
- Good evening.Copy !req
773. - You look nice.
- Thank you.Copy !req
774. I, uh...Copy !req
775. I just wanna say...Copy !req
776. Um, what I'm trying to say is...Copy !req
777. Uh, there are many women...Copy !req
778. floating in the river...
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
779. but you're the only one
I wanna stuff...Copy !req
780. and stick over...Copy !req
781. on my wall over the fireplace.Copy !req
782. Thank you so much.Copy !req
783. Would you like to come in?Copy !req
784. - Please.Copy !req
785. I didn't say it right.Copy !req
786. I've never seen wine
that comes from a box before.Copy !req
787. It's pretty fancy, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
788. Look, it's even got its own tap.
- Ooh.Copy !req
789. Look at this. Here. You got it?Copy !req
790. - It's real wine.
- That's great.Copy !req
791. Yes.Copy !req
792. So how do you like the old place?Copy !req
793. It's changed.Copy !req
794. - Is that, uh, good or bad?
- it's the worst.Copy !req
795. I hate change.Copy !req
796. - Why?
- Things never change for the better.Copy !req
797. Well, change brought me here
to Wabasha.Copy !req
798. Are you saying you wish I hadn't come?Copy !req
799. Hmm, hmm...Copy !req
800. Is that a trick question?Copy !req
801. - Oh, you see? You see?
- Ooh...Copy !req
802. - Now the weather has changed.
- So much for dining alfresco.Copy !req
803. Ooh, ha, ha.Copy !req
804. Holy moly.Copy !req
805. Whew, boy.Copy !req
806. - Ha.
- I am all wet.Copy !req
807. Wow, heh.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
808. - It's really coming down now.
- Yeah.Copy !req
809. You know,
the night crawlers'll be out soon.Copy !req
810. What's a night crawler?Copy !req
811. - What are you, a communist?
- Hmm, no, ha, ha.Copy !req
812. - Night crawler's the king of all worms.
- Ah.Copy !req
813. They come out at night, after the
rain, to lay out across the grass.Copy !req
814. - Breathe the night air.
- Ah.Copy !req
815. This restaurant is sitting on top of one
of the biggest and best worm beds...Copy !req
816. in all of Wabasha County.
- Ah.Copy !req
817. You can imagine my excitement.Copy !req
818. Honey, would you stop worrying.
Max is gonna be just fine.Copy !req
819. Yeah, I hope so.Copy !req
820. I may have given him
some bad advice earlier. I don't know.Copy !req
821. Oh, yeah? What'd you say?Copy !req
822. I told him, uh...Copy !req
823. Well, I told him to just be himself.Copy !req
824. You said what?Copy !req
825. Don't shine the light right on them.Copy !req
826. They feel the heat,
they zip into their holes.Copy !req
827. - So I should, uh... Like this?
- Yeah.Copy !req
828. - Yeah. Up, down. Yeah.
- Okay. Okay.Copy !req
829. Do you know, Maria—
- Yeah.Copy !req
830. —That worms
have both male and female sexual organs?Copy !req
831. - No, I didn't know that.
- Well, it's true.Copy !req
832. Oh, you know a lot about worms, Max.Copy !req
833. - No, heh, I don't know that much.
- Oh, you do. You do.Copy !req
834. Every once in a while I pick up a tip,
you know?Copy !req
835. Yes, that's it. That's good.Copy !req
836. There's one.Copy !req
837. - There.
- Shh...Copy !req
838. Quietly now.Copy !req
839. What should I do?
- Tiptoe over and—Copy !req
840. Will you come with me?Copy !req
841. Yes. And then suddenly,
reach down and grab him.Copy !req
842. - Okay.
- When you get near him, grab him.Copy !req
843. Whoa, oh!Copy !req
844. Maria. You all right, Maria?
- Yes, ha, ha.Copy !req
845. You scared every worm away
for a radius of 5 miles.Copy !req
846. I'm sorry.Copy !req
847. Uh, what?Copy !req
848. You have a very beautiful smile.Copy !req
849. Hmm.Copy !req
850. Maria?Copy !req
851. Yes, Max.Copy !req
852. Would it be all right if I kissed you?Copy !req
853. Yes.Copy !req
854. I haven't been with a man
for a long time.Copy !req
855. - Me neither.
- Be gentle.Copy !req
856. Mama Mia.Copy !req
857. Holy moly.Copy !req
858. Good morning, Mr. Gustafson.Copy !req
859. - I don't believe it.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
860. You and that beautiful lady?Copy !req
861. I am the thief of hearts.
I am the gangster of love.Copy !req
862. Gangster, huh? Yeah, well, tell me,
was it more of a holdup than a stickup?Copy !req
863. - Never mind that.
- Ooh, ha, ha.Copy !req
864. Even your infantile penis jokes seem
charming and witty this morning, sir.Copy !req
865. Okay, Lothario, we gotta get
to the Oktoberfest to meet the kids.Copy !req
866. Yeah.Copy !req
867. I think I liked you better
before you were getting any.Copy !req
868. Hi, dear.
Hi, Dad.Copy !req
869. Hi, Jacob.
Hi.Copy !req
870. - Hey, what's going on?
- Well, we got a surprise for you.Copy !req
871. Oh, no more surprises.Copy !req
872. - Attention!
No, you'll like this.Copy !req
873. In just eight days...Copy !req
874. these two happy kids
will be husband and wife!Copy !req
875. Yeah!Copy !req
876. My dear friends, Max and John...Copy !req
877. have asked me, Handsome Hans...Copy !req
878. to be their music man.Copy !req
879. Let's celebrate the young lovers'
nuptials with the Chicken Polka!Copy !req
880. Do you Chicken there, Goldman?
Come on, you're gonna love this.Copy !req
881. - You know the Chicken? Great.
Yeah.Copy !req
882. I'm in the twilight zone.Copy !req
883. Another one of your
father's great ideas.Copy !req
884. Your father booked our reception hall.Copy !req
885. I think Handsome Hans would fit
in perfectly at Slippery's bar.Copy !req
886. It's a tavern.Copy !req
887. This is a mistake.Copy !req
888. You're right. We'll get a DJ.
This is crazy.Copy !req
889. No, that's not what I meant.Copy !req
890. Melanie, I know that
I wanna get married,Copy !req
891. but if you're not sure,
you gotta tell me.Copy !req
892. I'm just not sure. Jacob.Copy !req
893. Tell me this now?Copy !req
894. - We're a week away from the wedding.
- Jacob, I love you.Copy !req
895. - You just don't want to marry me.
- No, that's not it.Copy !req
896. I just think we should take our time.Copy !req
897. I've been taking my time. How does
waiting since the second grade grab you?Copy !req
898. Would you stop it!Copy !req
899. It's like you are already married. Yeah?Copy !req
900. Polka!Copy !req
901. Honey.Copy !req
902. Jacob.
Jacob, I know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
903. Really? If you're
such an expert,Copy !req
904. How come you're the one
that's been divorced?Copy !req
905. Mel.Copy !req
906. Honey?Copy !req
907. - The Wedding's off.
What do you mean?Copy !req
908. - What do you mean it's off?
- We've already paid for everything.Copy !req
909. Honey? Uh, what— What happened?Copy !req
910. What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.Copy !req
911. - Your daughter got cold feet.
- Oh, cold feet, my ass.Copy !req
912. - Your son insulted her.
- He didn't say nothing that wasn't true.Copy !req
913. - Maybe she can't handle the truth.
- Really?Copy !req
914. She can't? What is the truth, Max?Copy !req
915. The truth is that her first marriage
was a flop.Copy !req
916. That was Mike's fault
and you know that.Copy !req
917. Well, what makes you think
she can keep Jacob happy?Copy !req
918. That's a lousy thing—Copy !req
919. My daughter wouldn't marry your son
if he was the last man in Wabasha.Copy !req
920. That's fine with me. I was against
the whole thing from the start.Copy !req
921. - Well, that goes double for me.
- Then it's off.Copy !req
922. Yes, it's off. Everything is off.Copy !req
923. The wedding is off
and the friendship is off.Copy !req
924. And the gloves are off.Copy !req
925. Let the games begin.Copy !req
926. Come on, baby. Come to Papa.Copy !req
927. Yes. Yes, thattaboy.Copy !req
928. That's it.Copy !req
929. Gustafson.Copy !req
930. What the hell is...? Come back.
Come back here. Come back.Copy !req
931. Come back!Copy !req
932. Oh, damn you, Goldman.Copy !req
933. What a putz.Copy !req
934. Hi, how are you?
Hello, Kate. How are you?Copy !req
935. I'm okay. Here's your card.
- Good.Copy !req
936. That's it for you?
- Yup, that'll do it.Copy !req
937. You have a nice
day, Mr. Gustafson.Copy !req
938. Thanks very much.Copy !req
939. Same to you. Bye.Copy !req
940. What?Copy !req
941. Max!Copy !req
942. Where the—?Copy !req
943. You bastard.Copy !req
944. You dance very well.Copy !req
945. Thank you.Copy !req
946. Maria, I got this for you.
Hope you don't mind.Copy !req
947. Oh, Max. Max.Copy !req
948. It's a cubic zirconia.Copy !req
949. - Got it from the Home Shopping Network.
- it's so beautiful.Copy !req
950. Here. Let me help.Copy !req
951. See how it looks.
You just put that like that.Copy !req
952. You don't like it, huh?Copy !req
953. No, no, it's beautiful.
It's just, um...Copy !req
954. Just what?Copy !req
955. I don't know, heh.Copy !req
956. Things are moving so fast.Copy !req
957. What's wrong with fast? I like fast.Copy !req
958. I didn't plan on meeting somebody
like you when I came to Wabasha.Copy !req
959. - Oh, but you're— You're happy, huh?
- Yes, but that is what worries me.Copy !req
960. - Well, what do you mean?
- I don't know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
961. It's beautiful.Copy !req
962. - Like you.
- Thank you, Max.Copy !req
963. Okay, Slick, sharpen those claws.Copy !req
964. What the—? Get out of there.Copy !req
965. Holy moly.Copy !req
966. You just kissed
your ninth life goodbye, Slick.Copy !req
967. This one is very sweet.Copy !req
968. That one with the big tongue
and the brown eyes is great.Copy !req
969. - Hmm, what about this one?
- This one?Copy !req
970. Yes. One eye.Copy !req
971. - No nuts.
- Oh, you mean Lucky, ha, ha.Copy !req
972. You don't want him, Mr. Goldman.Copy !req
973. I'll take him. Here, Lucky.Copy !req
974. He's cute.Copy !req
975. Ah...Copy !req
976. Good morning, Slick.Copy !req
977. What a nice kitty cat. Yes, you are.Copy !req
978. And I see you've crapped
on my newspaper again. Hmm.Copy !req
979. Would you like to make a new friend
this morning? Hmm?Copy !req
980. Lucky, kill Slick!Copy !req
981. Lucky, kill Slick!Copy !req
982. RAUGHS]Copy !req
983. Whoa! Who the—?Copy !req
984. John!Copy !req
985. Come here, baby.
- No!Copy !req
986. Whoa!Copy !req
987. Everything's under control.Copy !req
988. Slick!Copy !req
989. - How do you like that, you putz?
- Why you dirty...Copy !req
990. - I'll kill you.
- You ruined my refinished seats.Copy !req
991. You broadcast my naked ass
to half of Wabasha.Copy !req
992. - Big deal. Take that, you vandal.
- You damn near killed my cat!Copy !req
993. That mangy animal's
been crapping on my paper for years!Copy !req
994. What do you call that butt ugly—?Copy !req
995. Give me that pole.Copy !req
996. That pole, huh?Copy !req
997. That's it.Copy !req
998. If my dog was as ugly as you...Copy !req
999. I'd shave his ass...Copy !req
1000. and teach him to walk backwards.
- Oh, very—Copy !req
1001. Ariel.Copy !req
1002. That trick doesn't work with me.Copy !req
1003. Max, for God's sake, time out.
Where are you going?Copy !req
1004. Home. And you can call me
when this stupid war is over.Copy !req
1005. She left me.Copy !req
1006. Are you surprised?Copy !req
1007. There we are.Copy !req
1008. So good.Copy !req
1009. Now, you wanna put in
just a pinch of salt.Copy !req
1010. Just a pinch.Copy !req
1011. - There.
- Oh, damn it.Copy !req
1012. - But not too much.
- Yeah, now you tell me.Copy !req
1013. You don't wanna overpower the sauce.
Not too salty.Copy !req
1014. - Oh, shut up.
- There we are. Add some garnish here.Copy !req
1015. - It's time to look at the birds.
- The bird.Copy !req
1016. Go right now.Copy !req
1017. Aah! Fire!Copy !req
1018. - Fire! Jacob, I got a fire here.
- Hey.Copy !req
1019. Absolutely perfect.
Anybody can make these.Copy !req
1020. You got it.
Simple. Just flawless.Copy !req
1021. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1022. I'm trying to cook a gourmet dinner
for Maria.Copy !req
1023. Uh-huh.Copy !req
1024. Look at it.
- She'll be impressed.Copy !req
1025. - Tell her it's Cajun.
- Yes.Copy !req
1026. And, uh, what do you call this?Copy !req
1027. Haven't decided yet,
but I'm leaning toward Mystery Stew.Copy !req
1028. Ha, ha, is that right?Copy !req
1029. I don't mean to be a pessimist,
but you need a backup.Copy !req
1030. Is there anything else you know
how to make?Copy !req
1031. - Jelly sandwiches.
- Get cracking.Copy !req
1032. I used to love jelly sandwiches
with peanut butter in them.Copy !req
1033. - You did too when you were a kid.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1034. Hey. Hey, come on. Go over there
and tell her you're sorry. Go ahead.Copy !req
1035. No, I tried to. She won't even
talk to me. Not that I blame her.Copy !req
1036. You spend too much time
with this Max Goldman.Copy !req
1037. I like him, Mama. A lot.Copy !req
1038. He will break your
heart, like the others.Copy !req
1039. No, this time is different.Copy !req
1040. You said Fernando was different,
and look what happened.Copy !req
1041. I was a girl, Mama.Copy !req
1042. And then there was Eduardo, the drunk.Copy !req
1043. That was a long time ago.Copy !req
1044. Marcello, the womanizer,
was not that long ago.Copy !req
1045. - I'm not listening to this.
- And next came Carlo, the con man.Copy !req
1046. - Are you finished?
- I wish I were.Copy !req
1047. But then I would be forgetting Antonio.Copy !req
1048. All five I warn you against...Copy !req
1049. and all five you marry.Copy !req
1050. - Mama.
- You are a good girl, Maria...Copy !req
1051. but you are cursed in love.Copy !req
1052. - That isn't true.
- For once, Maria, listen to your mama.Copy !req
1053. Do you care for him?Copy !req
1054. Yes.Copy !req
1055. Then leave him be.Copy !req
1056. Hey, Pop.Copy !req
1057. Well, I've really done it this time.
I've really screwed it up.Copy !req
1058. Jake and Melanie
have called off the marriage.Copy !req
1059. Jake's moved in with Max, Max and I
are at it again, and on top of that...Copy !req
1060. Ariel's moved back into her house
with Melanie.Copy !req
1061. Now, what am I gonna do
about all of that?Copy !req
1062. Huh?Copy !req
1063. Pop?Copy !req
1064. Pop?Copy !req
1065. Looks like God remembered you, Pop.Copy !req
1066. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1067. Hey, moron.Copy !req
1068. Hello, putz.Copy !req
1069. Mind if I join you?Copy !req
1070. No, help yourself.Copy !req
1071. I knew your old man longer
than I knew my own.Copy !req
1072. He was always very fond of you, Max.Copy !req
1073. - He was a good man.
- The best.Copy !req
1074. You know I didn't mean
what I said about Melanie the other day.Copy !req
1075. Yeah, and you know how I really feel
aboutJacob.Copy !req
1076. - He's a good boy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1077. I just don't want him to be lonely.Copy !req
1078. - He deserves better.
- He deserves Melanie.Copy !req
1079. So, what do you wanna do now?Copy !req
1080. - Wanna get drunk?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1081. Come on, Grandpa
John, hurry up.Copy !req
1082. Yeah, I'm coming, Allie.
I'm coming.Copy !req
1083. But you already got enough candy
in this bag...Copy !req
1084. to give
the whole neighborhood cavities.Copy !req
1085. What are you going
to do to ensure six months from now...Copy !req
1086. you feel happier
and more loved than you do today?Copy !req
1087. Because you know what?Copy !req
1088. The truth is, if you
don't do something...Copy !req
1089. nothing in your life is gonna change.
Spread the seeds.Copy !req
1090. Keep it watered and watch it grow.Copy !req
1091. Have you ever seen
anything more amazing?Copy !req
1092. Stop the insanity.Copy !req
1093. From the most beautiful
place in the world...Copy !req
1094. comes the most exotic tanning product
in the world.Copy !req
1095. Hawaiian Tropic.Copy !req
1096. Natural oils, tropical fruits...Copy !req
1097. flora, nuts and
protective sunscreens.Copy !req
1098. A complete sun-care line
created by one man, Ron Rice...Copy !req
1099. for one reason.Copy !req
1100. White is for laundry.
- Unh, unh...Copy !req
1101. - What are you feeding this dog?
- Hormel chili.Copy !req
1102. Yeesh.Copy !req
1103. He likes it.Copy !req
1104. Trick or treat.Copy !req
1105. Oh, yes, trick or treat. I forgot.Copy !req
1106. Just plain forgot.Copy !req
1107. Hi. Hi, kids. Here's a coaster.Copy !req
1108. And there's a stapler for you.Copy !req
1109. Open your bag. That's it. Good shot.Copy !req
1110. Happy Halloween.Copy !req
1111. - Hi, Uncle Max.
Who's that? Allie?Copy !req
1112. - Hello, Allie, ha, ha.
ls Allie here? Oh, look at you.Copy !req
1113. Let me hear a polar bear growl.Copy !req
1114. Happy Halloween there, putzo.Copy !req
1115. How'd you know it was me?Copy !req
1116. You wear the same costume
every Christmas or whatever this—Copy !req
1117. - Halloween.
Hey, Allie.Copy !req
1118. - Hey, you. How's your morn doing?
- Okay. Want to come over?Copy !req
1119. Yeah, how about that?
You wanna go over and just say hi?Copy !req
1120. Yeah.Copy !req
1121. She'd probably throw me out
the moment she saw my face.Copy !req
1122. Now, Max, I think I got an idea. Hmm?Copy !req
1123. - Trick or treat.
Hey, you. Oh...Copy !req
1124. How did we do tonight?Copy !req
1125. Uncle Max gave me a can opener
and a bunch of laundry detergent.Copy !req
1126. He did?Copy !req
1127. Yes, he did.Copy !req
1128. Allie?Copy !req
1129. I'm going to bed, Mom.Copy !req
1130. Don't you want to stay up
and watch the scary movie?Copy !req
1131. I said, I'm going to bed.Copy !req
1132. What has gotten into her?Copy !req
1133. You look great, Mel.Copy !req
1134. You look ridiculous.Copy !req
1135. Needed to see you again, Mel...Copy !req
1136. to tell you how sorry I was
for the way I acted.Copy !req
1137. I just thought I couldn't be happy
unless we were married...Copy !req
1138. and I realize now...Copy !req
1139. I just want you in my life.Copy !req
1140. That's all I want.Copy !req
1141. If we ever do get married...Copy !req
1142. I promise you...Copy !req
1143. we'll use a professional
wedding coordinator.Copy !req
1144. - You look terrific.
- Jacob.Copy !req
1145. Jacob.Copy !req
1146. - They're watching us.
- No, they're not.Copy !req
1147. Uh-huh?
- No, they're not.Copy !req
1148. Yes, they are.Copy !req
1149. Let's celebrate. Beers are on me.Copy !req
1150. Oh, I'd love to, Max,
but I've got someoneCopy !req
1151. very special waiting
for me over there.Copy !req
1152. Of course, if you had half a brain,
you could have the same thing.Copy !req
1153. She dumped me.Copy !req
1154. Max, would you park
that stupid pride of yours just once?Copy !req
1155. You might surprise yourself.Copy !req
1156. I gotta speak to Maria.Copy !req
1157. - Oh, put down that bat.
- She don't wanna see you.Copy !req
1158. Well, I ain't leaving
here until I see Maria!Copy !req
1159. Oh, at last, I get to whack him.Copy !req
1160. Mama. Mama, please. Please, Mama.Copy !req
1161. Maria, we need to talk.Copy !req
1162. There's nothing to talk about.Copy !req
1163. Well, at least give me an explanation.
I think I deserve that much.Copy !req
1164. Yes, you're right.Copy !req
1165. - I have to tell you something.
- Yes.Copy !req
1166. I have been married before.Copy !req
1167. To Antonio, I know.Copy !req
1168. But also to Fernando.Copy !req
1169. And Carlo.Copy !req
1170. And Eduardo.Copy !req
1171. And Marcello.Copy !req
1172. Holy moly.Copy !req
1173. You've been married five times.Copy !req
1174. So now you understand?Copy !req
1175. - Mother is right.
- Whew...Copy !req
1176. I'm cursed in love.Copy !req
1177. Wait. Wait.Copy !req
1178. Will you wait, please?Copy !req
1179. I don't know what happened
with those other guys...Copy !req
1180. but let me tell you something
about me.Copy !req
1181. I know I'm no great
prize, but I'm loyal...Copy !req
1182. I'm honest...Copy !req
1183. and I know how to treat a lady.Copy !req
1184. Anybody says any different
doesn't know her ass from her elbow.Copy !req
1185. Look, I got a week's worth of leftovers
at the house...Copy !req
1186. so if you care
to join me for someCopy !req
1187. Mystery Stew and some
jelly sandwiches...Copy !req
1188. I would be indeed honored.Copy !req
1189. That sounds wonderful.Copy !req
1190. Hmm...Copy !req
1191. - You must really like jelly sandwiches.
- Yes.Copy !req
1192. TrГ©s magnifique, Max.Copy !req
1193. Thank you, Mr. Gustafson.Copy !req
1194. Honey, we're running a little behind.
We'll meet you at church, okay?Copy !req
1195. Don't be late.Copy !req
1196. Hey, John. Isn't that Sven over there?Copy !req
1197. Sven?Copy !req
1198. Hey, Sven.Copy !req
1199. Sven?
Hey, Sven.Copy !req
1200. You look like you've seen a ghost.Copy !req
1201. Biggest fish I ever seen.Copy !req
1202. Catfish Hunter, yeah.Copy !req
1203. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh!Copy !req
1204. I fought the beast for an hour...Copy !req
1205. and I had him.Copy !req
1206. Right up into the boat.Copy !req
1207. And then...Copy !req
1208. he smiled.Copy !req
1209. - Smiled?
- See?Copy !req
1210. - And then he bit the pole in half.
- Holy moly.Copy !req
1211. I, uh— I moved my hand
at the last moment.Copy !req
1212. Judas Priest.Copy !req
1213. Oh, that... That was the...Copy !req
1214. biggest damn fish that...Copy !req
1215. I everseen.Copy !req
1216. Don't even think of it.Copy !req
1217. My boat is beached not more
than a hundred yards from here.Copy !req
1218. - No.
- We'll just give it 10 minutes.Copy !req
1219. After that, we pull anchor,
we go straight to the church.Copy !req
1220. No.Copy !req
1221. What if today is the
day, and we miss him?Copy !req
1222. Somebody else could
catch our fish, someCopy !req
1223. stranger with our fish
mounted on his wall.Copy !req
1224. It's too horrible to think about.Copy !req
1225. Congratulations, Jacob.Copy !req
1226. - Max, let's get the hell out of here.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1227. We've still got more time.Copy !req
1228. That damn fish'll be halfway
to Redwing by now. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1229. - Five more minutes.
- We'll be late.Copy !req
1230. Weddings never start on time.Copy !req
1231. What's the matter with you?
What are you worried about?Copy !req
1232. - I'm going.
- All right, you'll have to swim back.Copy !req
1233. Wait a minute. Where are you going?
Don't touch my motor.Copy !req
1234. Will you get—?
Sit down, John, for crying out loud.Copy !req
1235. Five more minutes.
Just sit there for a minute and shut up.Copy !req
1236. - Moron.
- Putz.Copy !req
1237. Holy Jesus. Max.Copy !req
1238. Look, look, look.Copy !req
1239. Easy, 68$)'-Copy !req
1240. - Easy, easy.
Don't worry.Copy !req
1241. Look at him go. Look at him go.Copy !req
1242. Look at him go. Look at him go.
And now he's gonna stop.Copy !req
1243. And now, I'm gonna...Copy !req
1244. That's Catfish Hunter. It's got to be.Copy !req
1245. I think you pissed him off.Copy !req
1246. Hang on, Max,
I think we're going for a ride.Copy !req
1247. There.Copy !req
1248. Hang on.Copy !req
1249. I can't believe it's a fish.Copy !req
1250. Maybe it's not a fish.Copy !req
1251. Maybe it's something from outer space.Copy !req
1252. - Keep the tip up.
The tip is up.Copy !req
1253. Tighten the drag.Copy !req
1254. He better be dead.Copy !req
1255. That's the only excuse
I'm taking right now.Copy !req
1256. Work him. Work him.
I'm working him, you dummy.Copy !req
1257. Pump him, pump him. Tip up. Tip up.Copy !req
1258. The tip is up, you idiot.Copy !req
1259. You're right, it's not an important day.
No. No reason to be here.Copy !req
1260. Hang on.Copy !req
1261. - Drop the anchor, Max.
- You out the anchor, you putz.Copy !req
1262. Well, then grab the net.Copy !req
1263. You cut the net, too, you dickhead.
Here, look at it.Copy !req
1264. All right, forget the net.
Just give me a hand, will you?Copy !req
1265. Only thing you ever caught
in your life was a virus.Copy !req
1266. Put your gloves on, will you?Copy !req
1267. I'll show you how to do it.
Here's the way you do it.Copy !req
1268. Here, now,
watch a fisherman work it, man.Copy !req
1269. Grab him.Copy !req
1270. - Grab him!
- Crime in Italy.Copy !req
1271. Holy moly. My God. Look at this thing.Copy !req
1272. Holy moly.Copy !req
1273. - Okay, get his tail.
- I got his tail.Copy !req
1274. Now.Copy !req
1275. Is that the most beautiful thing
you've ever seen in your life?Copy !req
1276. If I die today...Copy !req
1277. I die a happy man.Copy !req
1278. You die today, I'm taking your motor.Copy !req
1279. - Max?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1280. Let's let him go.Copy !req
1281. Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
1282. Dad tried to catch that
fish for 20 years.Copy !req
1283. Catfish Hunter deserves
to be in the lake with Pop.Copy !req
1284. Gustafson, you are one sick bastard.Copy !req
1285. Good boy.Copy !req
1286. Goodbye, Catfish.Copy !req
1287. - Huh?
- What? Wait.Copy !req
1288. - Hey, the wedding. What time is it?
- Aah...Copy !req
1289. We've got another wedding coming in
at 3:00.Copy !req
1290. We'll make it by then, 3:00.Copy !req
1291. Get me to the church on timeCopy !req
1292. Don't sing that.Copy !req
1293. Move it!Copy !req
1294. Ouch! What are you doing?Copy !req
1295. Okay, just a little bit longer.Copy !req
1296. - Look, Jacob. That's it for me.
- Please.Copy !req
1297. - I'm done. I've played now.
- You can't leave.Copy !req
1298. - How long have I played?Copy !req
1299. No, you gotta do the beginning.
Just keep playing.Copy !req
1300. - A little more.
- All right. I'll play one more time.Copy !req
1301. Hey!
- Wedding!Copy !req
1302. We're here.
Wait. Wait.Copy !req
1303. Wait. Hold it.
We're here.Copy !req
1304. We're here.Copy !req
1305. - Wait. We're here.
- We're here. Wait.Copy !req
1306. What's with the boots?Copy !req
1307. - I'll explain later.
- Explain now.Copy !req
1308. Where have you been?Copy !req
1309. I've been holding this
thing up for hours.Copy !req
1310. - See what we missed?
- Thank God we eloped.Copy !req
1311. You got the ring?Copy !req
1312. Yeah.Copy !req
1313. My son-in-law has got the face
of a mackerel.Copy !req
1314. Ox.Copy !req
1315. Nag.Copy !req
1316. We are gathered here today
to join Maxwell Goldman...Copy !req
1317. and Maria Sophia Coletta Ragetti
in holy matrimony.Copy !req
1318. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
1319. Be sure to watch Lucky for us.
I'm gonna miss that ugly mug of his.Copy !req
1320. Don't worry, Max, you're gonna see him
before you know it.Copy !req
1321. - I'm gonna miss your ugly mug too.
- God bless you, sir.Copy !req
1322. Let go of my hand, will you?
I'm very busy.Copy !req
1323. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
1324. Holy— Mm...Copy !req
1325. Max.Copy !req
1326. - What's that smell?
- What smell?Copy !req
1327. What's that smell?Copy !req
1328. What a moron.Copy !req
1329. What do you say we go back
to my place...Copy !req
1330. and I'll show you
my spicy, peppy pepperoni?Copy !req
1331. What do you say we go back
to my house...Copy !req
1332. and I'll show you
my man-sized manicotti?Copy !req
1333. Beautiful.Copy !req
1334. I am the gangster of love.Copy !req
1335. - I am the Lothario of hearts.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
1336. - I don't know where I am.
Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1337. Get in the car, Max.Copy !req
1338. I can't. I farted and
I'm afraid to move.Copy !req
1339. Ha, ha, what the hell is her name?Copy !req
1340. Ariel.
- Ariel.Copy !req
1341. What's her name again?Copy !req
1342. Maria.
- Maria.Copy !req
1343. She left me.Copy !req
1344. You're surprised?
You don't even know her name.Copy !req
1345. Hey, dickhead.Copy !req
1346. I'm stuck.Copy !req
1347. - You know, I've been to Hawaii.
- Which island?Copy !req
1348. I-kind-of-like-to-poke-you.Copy !req
1349. You-like-a-l icky-d icky.Copy !req
1350. I'm-a-kind-of-kinky.Copy !req
1351. Want-a-peek-a-pee-pee?Copy !req
1352. Some stranger could catch our fish.Copy !req
1353. Some schmuck with his fish...Copy !req
1354. and my fish and your fish
up on the ******* wall, and...Copy !req
1355. It's too horrible to
think about, ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1356. Get another actor. Please.Copy !req
1357. She's nothing but a pig-headed Italian
with...Copy !req
1358. Go one more from the top,
and a bit more out of breath.Copy !req
1359. If I was more out of
breath, I'd be dead.Copy !req
1360. - You're still a putz.
- That's my line.Copy !req
1361. You will never even know it's there.Copy !req
1362. Okay.Copy !req
1363. I love you. Mm... Mm...Copy !req
1364. He's a criminal.Copy !req
1365. Should the veil be up?Copy !req
1366. Holy—Copy !req
1367. - Ox.
- Jesus Christ.Copy !req
1368. Why the **** don't you look
where you're going there?Copy !req
1369. Aye, aye, aye...Copy !req
1370. Why don't you come to my place?
I'll show you my beefy bologna. Hmm?Copy !req
1371. No? How would you like
my bony macaroni?Copy !req
1372. Or my fatty Alfredo?Copy !req
1373. Or my hard salami? I got them all.Copy !req