1. It's the Christmas season,Copy !req
2. a time for telling colourful
holiday stories.Copy !req
3. My favourite story of all time
is about my grandma.Copy !req
4. She had this encounter with a reindeer.Copy !req
5. Grandma got run over by a reindeerCopy !req
6. walking home from our house Christmas Eve.Copy !req
7. You can say there's no such thing
as Santa,Copy !req
8. but as for me and grandpa, we believe.Copy !req
9. Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
all right?Copy !req
10. And as incredible as it was,
it almost put an end to Christmas.Copy !req
11. But I'm getting ahead of myself.Copy !req
12. So let's go back to the beginning.Copy !req
13. It was December and everyone in Cityville
was caught up in the chaos of the holidays.Copy !req
14. And no place was busier
than my grandma's store.Copy !req
15. My grandma's store!Copy !req
16. There it is.Copy !req
17. Check it out.
It was a one-of-a-kind place.Copy !req
18. She carried all kinds of stuff
year around.Copy !req
19. She sold decorations, handmade toys –Copy !req
20. at least one of anything you could
imagine for the holidays.Copy !req
21. There's grandma.Copy !req
22. Did I mention she likes to dress up
to read Christmas stories to kidsCopy !req
23. while their parents shop?Copy !req
24. “And the little baby Christmas tree
looked up at papa tree…” – Grandma!Copy !req
25. And that's me, Jake Spankenheimer.Copy !req
26. Cousin Mel is scaring away
another customer!Copy !req
27. You can stop right there.
That's shoplifting, missy.Copy !req
28. Now, what seems to be the problem?Copy !req
29. Problem? No problem.Copy !req
30. No money, no merchandise.Copy !req
31. No way!Copy !req
32. Your credit is always good here, Martha.Copy !req
33. Why, you just stop by
when you get your next paycheck.Copy !req
34. Thanks, grandma.
Everyone have a merry Christmas!Copy !req
35. You, too.Copy !req
36. Things have to change.Copy !req
37. This store can't get rich selling
holiday pastries on credit.Copy !req
38. You're not a businesswoman.
You're an old fruitcake.Copy !req
39. Everyone else is happy the way things are.
Right, Frank?Copy !req
40. Beats punching a time clock
for someone else.Copy !req
41. I like spending time with the family at work.Copy !req
42. You see, look around you.Copy !req
43. We are rich.Copy !req
44. Life's about being nice to people.Copy !req
45. Money – ah!Copy !req
46. I'd say we make enough.Copy !req
47. Enough?Copy !req
48. Enough is never enough!Copy !req
49. A set of replacement wheels
for my rollerblades…Copy !req
50. Adding to your Christmas wish list?Copy !req
51. Sisters!Copy !req
52. Ah, yeah, I thought so.Copy !req
53. A computer nerd who still
believes in Santa Claus.Copy !req
54. You're so reality challenged.Copy !req
55. Daphne, stop teasing your brother!Copy !req
56. He started it!Copy !req
57. Come on downstairs.
Your dad has a surprise.Copy !req
58. Tell her, mom.Copy !req
59. Santa Claus is real.Copy !req
60. Well,Copy !req
61. there's no easy answer.Copy !req
62. Historically, there was a saint Nick whoCopy !req
63. with a loving heart filled children's
shoes with gifts of all sorts.Copy !req
64. So, Santa today represents
the true meaning of Christmas –Copy !req
65. giving to others.Copy !req
66. Dad, is Santa Claus real?Copy !req
67. What your mother said.Copy !req
68. Hey, who wants to put up a tree?Copy !req
69. Oh, right, Christmas tree!Copy !req
70. That's not a Christmas tree.Copy !req
71. You're looking at the new inflatable
Christmas tree manufacturedCopy !req
72. by the Cityville Own-all Corporation.Copy !req
73. But our family always goes out
and gets a real tree.Copy !req
74. Don't you want to save the forest?Copy !req
75. Nobody gets a tree anymore.Copy !req
76. It's not cool.Copy !req
77. Wish they had Christmas trees
like that when I was a boy.Copy !req
78. Here we go again.Copy !req
79. We had to chop our trees down by hand.Copy !req
80. Never forget the time I had to use
a beaver for a chain saw.Copy !req
81. Last time you told it,
it was a woodpecker.Copy !req
82. Okay, everyone, gather 'round your dad.Copy !req
83. I want a video of our first
inflatable tree.Copy !req
84. This tree is going to save lots of time.Copy !req
85. What's the fun in that?Copy !req
86. Where's the jabbing yourself
with pine needles,Copy !req
87. hanging ornaments, the old-fashioned
smell of a genuine douglas fir?Copy !req
88. If you like old-fashioned smells
I'll get my fishing boots.Copy !req
89. Oops…Copy !req
90. Sorry.Copy !req
91. As crazy as things were at home,Copy !req
92. they got crazier the day I met
the most powerful man in Cityville.Copy !req
93. – Excuse me. I'm…
– Austin Bucks!Copy !req
94. CEO of the Cityville Own-all Corporation.Copy !req
95. Grandma says you own everything.Copy !req
96. Well, not yet, but that's why
I want to speak to your grandma.Copy !req
97. I'm sure she wants to see you.Copy !req
98. But right now, grandma Elfen-heimer
is reading to the kids.Copy !req
99. I heard about that.Copy !req
100. Say, you wouldn't happen to have
an extra elf costume I could wear?Copy !req
101. Nope, sorry. But there's a troll costume.Copy !req
102. Well, grandma Elfenheimer.Copy !req
103. Mr. Austin “Troll” Bucks.Copy !req
104. I don't suppose you're dressed that way
to read “Billy Goats Gruff” to the kids.Copy !req
105. No. I did it so you'd listen
to my offer to buy your store.Copy !req
106. Didn't help. Don't want to listen.Copy !req
107. I'll pay a lot of money.Copy !req
108. Ka-ching!Copy !req
109. You'd be selling to the biggest
and the best.Copy !req
110. Do you know why my company controls
every mall and sidewalk, Santa?Copy !req
111. Because people are too busy
to think about Christmas.Copy !req
112. With their cellular phones
and fax machines, e-mailCopy !req
113. they're never really away from work.Copy !req
114. And you figure you're helping.Copy !req
115. Yes. There wouldn't be a Cityville
Christmas without me.Copy !req
116. Your store sits on the perfect place
to build the crown jewel of my empire.Copy !req
117. Picture it: Gifts delivered on
Christmas Eve by our new sleighmobile.Copy !req
118. Isn't that what Santa does?Copy !req
119. How cute. He still believes in
Santa Claus.Copy !req
120. Jake, do you think
I should sell the store?Copy !req
121. Are you kidding?Copy !req
122. I love this place.Copy !req
123. You with no store would be like
Christmas without Santa.Copy !req
124. Well, there you have it –
from the mouths of babes.Copy !req
125. Surely you're not going to let Jake
make such a big decision.Copy !req
126. He's just a kid.Copy !req
127. In case you change your mind.Copy !req
128. Thank you.Copy !req
129. And you can keep the troll costume.Copy !req
130. Bye-bye.Copy !req
131. I've always loved a man in tights.Copy !req
132. Grandma, do you realize
what you just did?Copy !req
133. You let my fortune walk out the door!Copy !req
134. That was my future!Copy !req
135. I mean Jake's future –Copy !req
136. Money for college, travel to Italy,
world cruises, sports cars, jewels…Copy !req
137. I'd tell you to put a cork in it,
you greedy money-grubber!Copy !req
138. But grandmas shouldn't talk that way.Copy !req
139. Grandma,Copy !req
140. if this store were mine,Copy !req
141. I'd sell it.Copy !req
142. Cousin Mel,
this store will never be yours.Copy !req
143. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
144. We'll see.Copy !req
145. Cousin Mel was wrong.Copy !req
146. You can keep a store going
on goodwill and baked goods.Copy !req
147. By the looks of my house
at Christmas timeCopy !req
148. you'd think grandma was single-handedly
supplying the entire free worldCopy !req
149. with Christmas goodies.Copy !req
150. The way I see it, you can divide
the world into two groups:Copy !req
151. People who like fruitcake,
and all the rest of us.Copy !req
152. The holidays were upon us
and things were going fineCopy !req
153. till the day I heard the doorbell
and a chill ran up my spine.Copy !req
154. I grabbed the wife and children
as the postman wheeled it in.Copy !req
155. My yearly Christmas nightmare
has just come back again:Copy !req
156. It was harder than the head
of uncle Bucky,Copy !req
157. heavy as a sermon of preacher Lucky,Copy !req
158. one's enough to give the whole state
of Kentucky a great big bellyache.Copy !req
159. It was denser than a drove of
barnyard turkeys,Copy !req
160. tougher than a truckload of all-beef jerkyCopy !req
161. drier than a drought in Albuquerque –Copy !req
162. grandma's killer fruitcake.Copy !req
163. You're a great helper, Jake.Copy !req
164. Now, just stir that bowl of ingredients
and it's ready for the oven.Copy !req
165. Grandma, Jake,
I'm afraid Doofus got out again.Copy !req
166. I can't find him anywhere.Copy !req
167. Why, I wonder where that adorable dog
could have run off to this time.Copy !req
168. Come on, Jake.Copy !req
169. Hah! I don't know who buys your
cakes and cookiesCopy !req
170. but this will for darn sure
make everyone sick.Copy !req
171. That ought to stop people
from shopping at the storeCopy !req
172. and with no customers you'll
have to sell, grandma!Copy !req
173. Doofus was right next to the fireplace.Copy !req
174. Must have missed him.Copy !req
175. What were you saying?
I'd have to sell?Copy !req
176. Oh, sell a lot, the way
these pastries taste.Copy !req
177. Careful, grandma. Don't drink too much
eggnog without your medication.Copy !req
178. You'd think at my age you'd
outgrow an allergy to eggs.Copy !req
179. Now, where'd I put those pills?Copy !req
180. I've got some mistletoe and holly. Who's
going to help me with the decorating?Copy !req
181. – Can't. Have to call my boyfriend.
– Sorry, grandma, got to dash to the gym.
– Uh, I'd love to, but Frank…Copy !req
182. The game's just starting on TV.
– I'll help you, grandma.Copy !req
183. My little man.Copy !req
184. Thanks.Copy !req
185. Nobody understood me like grandma did.Copy !req
186. Christmas time was as important to her
as it was to me.Copy !req
187. Well, we did it.Copy !req
188. That's right on the nose, Jake.Copy !req
189. We did it.Copy !req
190. The sooner you go to sleep,
he sooner Santa will come.Copy !req
191. Grandma, Daphne says
here's no such thing as Santa.Copy !req
192. Well, that's because she
doesn't believe like I do.Copy !req
193. Have you ever seen him?Copy !req
194. No, but I've seen him in the smiles of people
who share with others every Christmas.Copy !req
195. If you ever run into him, say hi for me.Copy !req
196. Good night, Jake.Copy !req
197. Grandma got run over by a reindeerCopy !req
198. walking home from our house
Christmas Eve.Copy !req
199. You can say there's no such thing
as Santa,Copy !req
200. but as for me and grandpa, we believe.Copy !req
201. Well, I'm fixing to take these
extra cookies and cakesCopy !req
202. to the volunteers at the Cityville
community services building.Copy !req
203. It's too late to go out now, grandma.Copy !req
204. If I'd had some help I would have been
finished hours ago.Copy !req
205. – I was busy.
– Sorry, had to finish my homework.
– Last-minute shopping.Copy !req
206. You've been drinking too much eggnog.Copy !req
207. – Please, don't go!
– We're begging!Copy !req
208. Besides, I left my medication
at the store.Copy !req
209. On, Donner! On, Blitzen!Copy !req
210. It's him! Santa Claus!Copy !req
211. He is real!Copy !req
212. Grandma, watch out!Copy !req
213. Come on, everyone!Copy !req
214. Hurry! Grandma got run over
by Santa's reindeer!Copy !req
215. – Jake, close the door and get in here.
– Santa hit grandma! Grandma needs help!Copy !req
216. The only person who needs
help in this family is you.Copy !req
217. Now, Jake, calm down. Take a breath.Copy !req
218. Okay, Santa Claus was
flying low like this.Copy !req
219. And grandma was walking like this
and … is here, and …Copy !req
220. Now, honey, you must have had
a bad dream.Copy !req
221. In case you haven't noticed, Frank, your
son suffers from a dreaded affliction.Copy !req
222. – What affliction?
– The Santa Claus is real syndrome.Copy !req
223. He's got all the symptoms:Copy !req
224. Writing lists to Santa, checking them
twice, good behavior,Copy !req
225. falling asleep before midnight.
I figure he gets it from his grandma.Copy !req
226. You saw what happened, didn't you,
grandpa?Copy !req
227. I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?Copy !req
228. I was too busy watching grandma get
run over by a reindeer-drawn sleigh.Copy !req
229. Yes!Copy !req
230. What a sight!
Sleigh come out of nowhere.Copy !req
231. Grandma takes a header into the
snowbank. Sleigh vanishes…Copy !req
232. like the ghost of Christmas past!Copy !req
233. And that's what's called an advanced
case of Santa Claus is real syndrome.Copy !req
234. Oh, honestly, grandpa.Copy !req
235. We've got to go help grandma!Copy !req
236. Nothing is out there.Copy !req
237. Frank, do something.Copy !req
238. Look, Jake, if I call the local shelter
and have grandma speak to youCopy !req
239. will you go to bed?Copy !req
240. But she won't!Copy !req
241. I saw her!Copy !req
242. I told you Santa hit her with his sleigh!Copy !req
243. Call the police!Copy !req
244. That's right, officer.
Missing.Copy !req
245. Hit by Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
246. Yes, we've been drinking eggnog.Copy !req
247. They'll be out first thing in the morning.Copy !req
248. And what did you see, young man?Copy !req
249. I saw grandma get run over by a reindeer.Copy !req
250. Here we go again.Copy !req
251. Sorry, son, impossible.
Right here in the manual.Copy !req
252. There's no such thing as Santa Claus.Copy !req
253. Is, too.Copy !req
254. We got a code 12-25:
Santa Claus is real syndrome –Copy !req
255. family dispute.
– Come on!Copy !req
256. I'll show you where she got run over.Copy !req
257. When we found her Christmas morningCopy !req
258. at the scene of the attack…
– See?Copy !req
259. … she had hoofprints on her foreheadCopy !req
260. and incriminating Claus marks
on her back.Copy !req
261. Okay, we've got some reindeer hoofprints
and sleigh tread marks leading to a…Copy !req
262. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
263. What appears to be an impression of a
person in the snow, look there. But, uh…Copy !req
264. How do we know it's grandma?
– Doofus knows!Copy !req
265. That's one of grandma's shoes.Copy !req
266. That's her special Christmas mug.Copy !req
267. Her medicine.Copy !req
268. And her cookies and…Copy !req
269. her fruitcake!Copy !req
270. Officer Lyon, check this out.Copy !req
271. Ooh, what do you make of this?Copy !req
272. Offhand, I'd say that's animal hair.
Reindeer, 15-hands high, 12-point buck.Copy !req
273. By the markings, a sleigh-puller. Powerful,
capable of flight, age unknown, one of a…Copy !req
274. But it's just a guess.Copy !req
275. Okay, then. I'll just put it down
as sleighicular hit-and-run.Copy !req
276. What's the code for that?Copy !req
277. You should remember that one.
It's a 12-24.Copy !req
278. Oh, right, 12-24.Copy !req
279. I get it.Copy !req
280. 12-24: Day before Christmas.Copy !req
281. Just a minute, Sherlock.Copy !req
282. Before you put out an APB for a sleigh
driven by Santa Claus –Copy !req
283. who, may I remind you, does not exist –Copy !req
284. I'd like to know where grandma is.Copy !req
285. Good point. We can work
the Santa angle later.Copy !req
286. Better get looking for the old broad.Copy !req
287. We'll need a photo of the missing person.Copy !req
288. That started the biggest grandma hunt
in Cityville history.Copy !req
289. The police searched every
nook and cranny for granny.Copy !req
290. Time passed, and police kept
looking and looking.Copy !req
291. Months went by.Copy !req
292. We looked and looked.Copy !req
293. I even got permission to put
grandma's picture on milk cartons.Copy !req
294. Nothing helped, not even stories
on the local news channel.Copy !req
295. Grandma was nowhere to be found.Copy !req
296. Grandma's Christmas gifts remained
unopened and people dressed in black.Copy !req
297. Grandpa tried to cope by playing cards
with cousin Mel.Copy !req
298. It wasn't any better at the store,
either. Mom and dad tried their best.Copy !req
299. But without grandma,
customers stopped coming in.Copy !req
300. My office said you called
and wanted to see me.Copy !req
301. I wanted to apologize for the way
grandma treated you last year.Copy !req
302. Did anyone ever tell you're very good
looking for a man with…Copy !req
303. … deep pockets?Copy !req
304. I was dusting.Copy !req
305. Well, go dust somewhere else!Copy !req
306. You can't tell me what to do.
It's grandma's store.Copy !req
307. That reminds me, are you still interested
in buying this establishment?Copy !req
308. Well, it's the ideal location for our
sleighmobile division.Copy !req
309. Good, because I know grandma
would want me to sell it.Copy !req
310. I have the deed right here.Copy !req
311. Unfortunately, your name's not on the
deed, just grandma and grandpa's.Copy !req
312. But if grandpa agrees,
then I could buy the store.Copy !req
313. I'm sure I can trick… I mean,
get grandpa to agree.Copy !req
314. You've been so depressed
since grandma disappeared.Copy !req
315. That's why I had you bring me to my
favorite restaurant to cheer you up.Copy !req
316. I'll cure your sorrow.Copy !req
317. We'll spruce up the store, order
new merchandise, hire a baker.Copy !req
318. It's right here in these papers.
All you have to do is sign.Copy !req
319. Sing?Copy !req
320. No, sign.Copy !req
321. Sure.Copy !req
322. So, sign.Copy !req
323. I'd rather sing.Copy !req
324. Grandma's spending Christmas
with the superstarsCopy !req
325. since that reindeer ran her down
that fateful night.Copy !req
326. Grandma's hanging out
with all those late, great starsCopy !req
327. for the heavenliest Christmas of her life.Copy !req
328. She's standing under the mistletoe
with Elvis.Copy !req
329. He's been consoling her
because she's missing gramps.Copy !req
330. Then Elvis offers her the keys
to a new Cadillac,Copy !req
331. well, well, and a couple of sheets
of Elvis postage stamps.Copy !req
332. Grandma's spending Christmas
with the superstarsCopy !req
333. since that reindeer ran her down
that fateful night.Copy !req
334. Grandma's hanging out
with all those late, great starsCopy !req
335. for the heavenliest Christmas
of her life.Copy !req
336. Okay, I'll sign.Copy !req
337. Oh, this is easier than I thought.Copy !req
338. Sign here and here. Initial this.Copy !req
339. Oh, and this one gives me power
of attorney over your affairs.Copy !req
340. I'll be your dedicated money manager
forever.Copy !req
341. I do feel better.Copy !req
342. Perfect!Copy !req
343. This is it. The last of grandma's
fruitcakes from last Christmas.Copy !req
344. Oh, do you think it's still good?
Did she use preservatives?Copy !req
345. Preservatives? It's a fruitcake.Copy !req
346. What do we do when it's sold?Copy !req
347. Nothing!Copy !req
348. Because we're going to be rich!Copy !req
349. We won the lottery!Copy !req
350. – We're going to be rich?
– We're going to be rich!Copy !req
351. We could retire?Copy !req
352. What's going on?Copy !req
353. Our boat's come in.
Cousin Mel says we won the lottery!Copy !req
354. – Won the lottery? All right!
– Sort of.Copy !req
355. Actually, I'm going over to see Austin
Bucks and sell this dump for millions.Copy !req
356. Thank grandpa.
He gave me power of attorney.Copy !req
357. Do what?Copy !req
358. Grandpa!Copy !req
359. How could you do that?Copy !req
360. I thought I was helping.Copy !req
361. Talk about having your cake
and eating it, too.Copy !req
362. I've got to stop her.Copy !req
363. Mr. Buck's office – which way?Copy !req
364. Jake! Nice stop.Copy !req
365. Please, please don't buy grandma's store.Copy !req
366. Too late, kid. With this last piece of
property Mr. Bucks will own all of Cityville.Copy !req
367. Who are you?Copy !req
368. Cousin Mel's attorney, I. M. Slime.Copy !req
369. You said it, not me.Copy !req
370. Sorry, Jake.Copy !req
371. The only person who can stop this sale
is your grandma butCopy !req
372. no one knows what happened to her.Copy !req
373. She got run over by Santa's reindeer.Copy !req
374. I just need more time to find grandma.Copy !req
375. Now, Austin, darling, why don't we go
somewhere romanticCopy !req
376. and consummate this deal?Copy !req
377. You got it, kid. This deal doesn't
close till the end of the week.Copy !req
378. No!Copy !req
379. You're an attorney. Do something!
Sue somebody!Copy !req
380. A bit of advice.Copy !req
381. If you really believe grandma was run over
by Santa's reindeer then find him.Copy !req
382. He should know where grandma is.Copy !req
383. Okay, I will!Copy !req
384. I have till the end of the week to stop
cousin Mel from selling grandma's store.Copy !req
385. Look, Sherlock. You've tried your best
to find grandma.Copy !req
386. Your room is search central.Copy !req
387. You got no results from your
do-it-yourself police sketch.Copy !req
388. Your dry erase board is full of
dead-end clues.Copy !req
389. Give it up.Copy !req
390. You're right, Doofus, we can't give up.Copy !req
391. What's this?Copy !req
392. Printout of my old Christmas list?Copy !req
393. Look, Doofus, it's not as simple as adding
“find grandma” to my Christmas listCopy !req
394. and e-mailing it to Santa Claus.Copy !req
395. Wait.Copy !req
396. Doofus, you're a genius!Copy !req
397. To Santa Claus @SantaClauslsReal.com.Copy !req
398. Quincy, you better see this.Copy !req
399. None.Copy !req
400. Not a single letter from Cityville.Copy !req
401. It's as if they're too busy
with their prefabricated,Copy !req
402. mass-produced lives to need me anymore.Copy !req
403. Excuse me.Copy !req
404. I might as well shave my beard
and cancel the holidays in Cityville.Copy !req
405. If I could meet just one stinking personCopy !req
406. who understands the holidays are about
human kindnessCopy !req
407. with only a touch of conspicuous
consumption.Copy !req
408. Yes, Quincy? What's this?Copy !req
409. Careful, Royce.Copy !req
410. Donna wanted a doll with braids with
a red ribbon.Copy !req
411. She's on the good list.Copy !req
412. The mystery of grandma X is solved.Copy !req
413. Grandma Spankenheimer?Copy !req
414. Grandma Spankenheimer?Copy !req
415. Spankenheimer?Copy !req
416. No, never met her. But you might ask
one of those short fellers.Copy !req
417. Classic case of amnesia.
Can't remember a thing.Copy !req
418. The Christmas lights are on but
nobody's home.Copy !req
419. E-mail a reply immediately!Copy !req
420. I have a better idea.Copy !req
421. Call off the hound!Copy !req
422. Hi, I'm Quincy,Copy !req
423. Santa's elf.Copy !req
424. Top elf, to be exact.Copy !req
425. I fly right seat on the sleigh.Copy !req
426. The man in the red suit doesn't make
a move without consulting me first.Copy !req
427. You're an elf.Copy !req
428. The genuine article.Copy !req
429. What are you doing here in September?Copy !req
430. I came to ask a question.Copy !req
431. Would you like to find your grandma?Copy !req
432. More than all the presents in the world.Copy !req
433. Then follow me.Copy !req
434. Grandpa, I'm going to the North Pole
to find grandma.Copy !req
435. Fine, thanks for telling me.Copy !req
436. Old St. Nick and Mrs. ClausCopy !req
437. decided just this year:Copy !req
438. there won't be any Christmas –Copy !req
439. the feeling's just not here.Copy !req
440. Some kids get more than they needCopy !req
441. and some are spoiled rotten.Copy !req
442. And when it comes to Christmas timeCopy !req
443. too many are forgotten.Copy !req
444. It will feel like ChristmasCopy !req
445. to people everywhere,Copy !req
446. it will feel like ChristmasCopy !req
447. when we all learn to share.Copy !req
448. Santa said to Mrs. ClausCopy !req
449. “Something's way off track –Copy !req
450. I can't get into ChristmasCopy !req
451. until the spirit's back.”Copy !req
452. It will feel like ChristmasCopy !req
453. to people everywhere,Copy !req
454. it will feel like ChristmasCopy !req
455. when we all learn to share.Copy !req
456. You better have a good reason
why you broke elf codeCopy !req
457. and brought a human here.Copy !req
458. Thought you'd like to meet
Jake Spankenheimer.Copy !req
459. The Jake Spankenheimer who loves
rollerblades,Copy !req
460. video games, pillow fights
with his sister,Copy !req
461. procrastinates once in a while with his
homework – not that I condone it –,Copy !req
462. writes to me every Christmas
and helps his grandma in the kitchen?Copy !req
463. It's nice to finally meet someone from
Cityville who still believes in me.Copy !req
464. Pretty cool.Copy !req
465. Which is why you're not sweeping up
reindeer chips.Copy !req
466. Grandma, there's someone here
who wants to see you.Copy !req
467. Grandma!Copy !req
468. Okay, I'll bite. Who is he?Copy !req
469. It's me, Jake. Don't you remember?Copy !req
470. No, nothin'.Copy !req
471. Wait…Copy !req
472. No. Thought I had somethin'.Copy !req
473. You've got to remember.Copy !req
474. Cousin Mel's taking over.Copy !req
475. Who's cousin Mel?Copy !req
476. You know, big red hair, greedy,
moneygrubbing,Copy !req
477. too much jewelry, beats grandpa at cards.Copy !req
478. She doesn't sound very nice.Copy !req
479. She isn't.Copy !req
480. If you don't come back right away she's
going to sell your store to Mr. Bucks.Copy !req
481. Without it, our family and Christmas
will never be the same.Copy !req
482. That's terrible.Copy !req
483. Who are you again?Copy !req
484. Will you come back with me
and stop the sale?Copy !req
485. Better than laying around here all day
getting fat.Copy !req
486. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
487. Quincy, hook up the reindeer to the sleigh.Copy !req
488. We're headed to the city.Copy !req
489. Turn here.Copy !req
490. We're here!Copy !req
491. Better park in back.Copy !req
492. Cousin Mel wasn't about
to give up easily.Copy !req
493. I remember what happened next.
It was a warm, September day.Copy !req
494. That was a landin'.Copy !req
495. I better sit here till my stomach
catches up to the rest of me.Copy !req
496. There's no time, grandma.Copy !req
497. Quincy, keep an eye on things.Copy !req
498. Right, boss.Copy !req
499. It's grandma!Copy !req
500. She's supposed to be missing.Copy !req
501. Ah, this ruins everything.Copy !req
502. Mr. Bucks will call off the deal.
There goes your fortune and my 50 percent.Copy !req
503. – Ten percent.
– Thirty percent! Plus expenses.Copy !req
504. Done.Copy !req
505. I've got an idea.Copy !req
506. You just make sure grandma stays missing.Copy !req
507. Hey! Hey! Come back!Copy !req
508. Grandma Spankenheimer?Copy !req
509. Yes, they sent me down to get you.
Now, if you'll just follow me?Copy !req
510. Sure, sweetie.Copy !req
511. Say, you wouldn't happen to have any antacid?Copy !req
512. Wait!Copy !req
513. Mr. Bucks, you can't buy the store
from cousin Mel.Copy !req
514. It's not hers to sell.Copy !req
515. I found grandma.Copy !req
516. She's waiting downstairs.Copy !req
517. Santa will explain everything.Copy !req
518. Sorry.Copy !req
519. Used to chimneys, not stairs.Copy !req
520. Fill them in while I get grandma.Copy !req
521. And, uh, you would be?Copy !req
522. Santa Claus.Copy !req
523. You know – ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
524. Not to embarrass you, but I'm afraid
anybody can put on a big red suit,Copy !req
525. false beard and call themselves
Santa Claus. They all work for me.Copy !req
526. You're Austin Bucks!Copy !req
527. When you were six years old, you wanted
a Lieutenant Neutron action figure.Copy !req
528. Lieutenant Neutron?Copy !req
529. He was the best!Copy !req
530. – Hey, how did you know that?
– I'm Santa. It's what I do.Copy !req
531. Amazing!Copy !req
532. Unbelievable.Copy !req
533. So what did happen to grandma?Copy !req
534. I was makin' my usual rounds…Copy !req
535. On, Donner! On, Dasher!Copy !req
536. Something made my reindeer
go wha-ha!Copy !req
537. Wha-ha!Copy !req
538. Follow me, guys!Copy !req
539. I tried to stop them.Copy !req
540. But nothing worked.Copy !req
541. Then everything went black.Copy !req
542. I'm terribly sorry. I don't know
what got into those reindeer.Copy !req
543. Who are you?Copy !req
544. Oh, I better get you medical attention.
Quincy!Copy !req
545. Leave a note explaining what happened.Copy !req
546. So, of course, she was welcome to stay
at the North Pole until she felt better.Copy !req
547. We've got great medical care –Copy !req
548. every therapy and treatment imaginable
at no ho-ho-ho! cost.Copy !req
549. Thanks for straightening out this
whole mess, Santa.Copy !req
550. I'm eager to see grandma and tell her
the sale is off.Copy !req
551. – Sure glad everything worked out okay.
– I… I'm sorry.Copy !req
552. I had to chase the reindeer.
I was gone for a minute.Copy !req
553. She wandered off.Copy !req
554. – Who?
– Grandma!Copy !req
555. We couldn't find her anywhere.Copy !req
556. She's missing again.Copy !req
557. Since grandma is nowhere to be foundCopy !req
558. and the man in the red suit here
admitted he ran over herCopy !req
559. I demand that you have Santa arrested
for the disappearance of grandma.Copy !req
560. No!Copy !req
561. The news that Santa had been arrested for
the disappearance of grandma was a shock,Copy !req
562. especially to Mrs. Claus.Copy !req
563. Santa's been arrested!Copy !req
564. I shouldn't say everyone was shocked
because cousin Mel and her partner in crimeCopy !req
565. Ms. Slime, sure weren't.Copy !req
566. Here.Copy !req
567. Lucky a thing she still has a case of
amnesia and doesn't know who you are.Copy !req
568. Lucky is right but we can't keep her
locked up in here forever.Copy !req
569. Won't need to.Copy !req
570. We just need to keep her out of sight
long enoughCopy !req
571. for the jury to find Santa Claus
guilty of her disappearance.Copy !req
572. And then we sue him for all that money.Copy !req
573. Think of it: Santa's found guilty,Copy !req
574. we win the world's most famous
case of hit-and-run.Copy !req
575. Santa Claus must be worth a fortune,Copy !req
576. considering he supplies gifts
to everyone in the world.Copy !req
577. That's 2.5 billion times.Copy !req
578. What do you think he spends on average
per person? $10, $15?Copy !req
579. Even if it's just five –Copy !req
580. your share, as grandpa's financial
advisor, is…Copy !req
581. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa,Copy !req
582. that's what grandpa's gonna doCopy !req
583. that's what grandpa's gonna do.Copy !req
584. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of SantaCopy !req
585. 'cause grandma would've wanted him to.Copy !req
586. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa,Copy !req
587. he knows the law is on his side.Copy !req
588. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa,Copy !req
589. Santa's going for a ride.Copy !req
590. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa,Copy !req
591. that's what grandpa's gonna do.Copy !req
592. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of SantaCopy !req
593. 'cause grandma would've wanted him to.Copy !req
594. No pantalones.Copy !req
595. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa,Copy !req
596. he knows the law is on his side.Copy !req
597. Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa,Copy !req
598. Santa's going for a ride.Copy !req
599. Santa's going for a ride.Copy !req
600. Santa's going for a ride.Copy !req
601. I'm at the courthouse where the sensational
Santa Claus trial is reaching its climax.Copy !req
602. It's already December and after weeks
of testimony by several witnessesCopy !req
603. three questions remain:Copy !req
604. Did Santa's reindeer run over grandma?Copy !req
605. Where is she now?Copy !req
606. And without Santa Claus,
will there be a Christmas?Copy !req
607. District attorney Hartung is making
his impassioned summation.Copy !req
608. And so, in closing do I want to see
Santa Claus go to jail?Copy !req
609. Personally, no,Copy !req
610. but I represent the state and must do my job.Copy !req
611. The evidence proves Santa Claus is
responsible for grandma's disappearance.Copy !req
612. So if the beard fits, you must convict.Copy !req
613. If he goes to jail,
it will be the end of Christmas.Copy !req
614. What can I do, grandpa?Copy !req
615. Find grandma again.Copy !req
616. Maybe she didn't wander off.Copy !req
617. But everyone loves grandma.Copy !req
618. Who would do such a thing?Copy !req
619. Cousin Mel!Copy !req
620. Hey, boy, whatcha smell?Copy !req
621. Grandma?Copy !req
622. Jake, get that mutt away from my backpack.Copy !req
623. Sure, cousin Mel.Copy !req
624. Okay, Doofus,Copy !req
625. do your smell thing.Copy !req
626. Keep it up, Doofus.Copy !req
627. So that's where she was going.Copy !req
628. Won't be too much longer, grandma.Copy !req
629. The jury is about to find your friend
in the red suit guilty.Copy !req
630. And who would that be?Copy !req
631. You still don't remember a thing, do you?Copy !req
632. My plan is going to work.Copy !req
633. I'm going to be wealthy
and there's no one who can stop me.Copy !req
634. Hello, inside!Copy !req
635. Who can that be way out here?Copy !req
636. How should I know?
I don't even know who I am.Copy !req
637. If that's your car parked down by the road
you better check it out.Copy !req
638. Some bears are hanging around it.Copy !req
639. Thank you! I was leaving anyway!Copy !req
640. Okay, but don't take too long.Copy !req
641. Have a safe, fire-free day.Copy !req
642. Good job!Copy !req
643. I came as soon as I received your e-mail,
Master Jake.Copy !req
644. Now what do you have up your sleeve
to get me inside?Copy !req
645. Nice entrance!Copy !req
646. What's your name again?
– Jake Spankenheimer.Copy !req
647. Your grandson.Copy !req
648. Doesn't ring a bell but thanks, anyway.Copy !req
649. Don't thank me, thank Doofus.Copy !req
650. And I suppose this overexcited
pooch is Doofus.Copy !req
651. Grandma, I don't have a lot of time
to explain but we're going to the store.Copy !req
652. What's at the store?Copy !req
653. Your memory.Copy !req
654. This is Spankenheimer's, remember?Copy !req
655. Your elf costume?Copy !req
656. You'd wear it to read to the kids
while their parents were shopping.Copy !req
657. I can't believe it.Copy !req
658. You remember!Copy !req
659. No, that I would wear that shade of green
with my coloring.Copy !req
660. Easy for you to say.Copy !req
661. Tell me again why I'm baking two cakes?Copy !req
662. One's with your recipe,Copy !req
663. the other uses the stuff in the vial
I found at cousin Mel's cabin.Copy !req
664. And this is your famous homemade fruitcakeCopy !req
665. that, uh, a lot of people liked.Copy !req
666. Jake, what am I doing here?Copy !req
667. Grandma, you remember!Copy !req
668. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
669. You lost your memory, but now it's back.Copy !req
670. It felt like I was in a dream.Copy !req
671. And you were in it, and Santa Claus,
and Mrs. Claus.Copy !req
672. I thought I was in a …, only it was cold.Copy !req
673. But if everything you told me is true,Copy !req
674. why aren't we at the courthouse
to prove that I'm okay?Copy !req
675. We're on our way.Copy !req
676. Has the jury reached a verdict?Copy !req
677. Yes, we have, Your Honor.Copy !req
678. In the matter of the State v. Santa ClausCopy !req
679. we, the Jury, find…
– Stop!Copy !req
680. Santa is innocent.Copy !req
681. I'm grandma, and I'm not missing.Copy !req
682. I'm right here.Copy !req
683. That woman is a fraud.
Grandma doesn't know who she is.Copy !req
684. Honeybunches! Grandma!Copy !req
685. Order in the court!Copy !req
686. Since grandma isn't missingCopy !req
687. I hereby rule that Santa Claus is innocent
of causing her disappearance.Copy !req
688. Your honor,Copy !req
689. there are still the charges of
sleighicular hit-and-runCopy !req
690. and leaving the scene of an accident.Copy !req
691. I can answer that, Your Honor. If you
and the Jury would taste this fruitcake.Copy !req
692. No, don't!Copy !req
693. She objects.Copy !req
694. Overruled. Continue.Copy !req
695. This one was made by grandma
using her special ingredients.Copy !req
696. Taste it and then compare it
to the pieces of cakeCopy !req
697. found at the scene of the alleged crime –Copy !req
698. state's evidence #12.Copy !req
699. Do we have to, Your Honor?Copy !req
700. Good question.Copy !req
701. Do we have to?Copy !req
702. Yes, I think you'll find a difference
between the two.Copy !req
703. All right, in the name of justice,
we eat fruitcake.Copy !req
704. Now taste state's evidence #12
found where grandma disappeared.Copy !req
705. So, what's your point?Copy !req
706. These pieces had an extra ingredient in themCopy !req
707. from this vial of bad stuff found
at cousin Mel's cabin.Copy !req
708. You see, Your Honor,
it had the effect of reindeer nip.Copy !req
709. That's why the reindeer knocked over
grandma.Copy !req
710. It wasn't Santa's reckless driving.Copy !req
711. I, uh, couldn't control myself.Copy !req
712. The boy has done it again.Copy !req
713. I rule that Santa is also innocent
of the hit-and-run charge.Copy !req
714. And I suppose Jake has an answer to the
charge of leaving the scene of an accident –Copy !req
715. sleighicular negligence?Copy !req
716. Doofus does.Copy !req
717. He's my dog.Copy !req
718. What? I object.Copy !req
719. Let's have it.Copy !req
720. This is a note Santa left at the
accident scene explaining everything.Copy !req
721. Dust it for fingerprints.Copy !req
722. All right, I admit it.Copy !req
723. Yes, yes, I did it.Copy !req
724. I hid the note.Copy !req
725. And…?Copy !req
726. And I made grandpa sign over his rights
to the store.Copy !req
727. And…?Copy !req
728. I'm behind this evil trial.Copy !req
729. And…?Copy !req
730. And I hate the goody, goody feelings
of Christmas –Copy !req
731. all this caring and sharing.Copy !req
732. So I kidnapped grandma and made
Santa Claus the fall guyCopy !req
733. so I could get all his money.Copy !req
734. Hey,Copy !req
735. I deserve to be rich.Copy !req
736. Arrest this woman for obstructing justice
and almost ruining Christmas.Copy !req
737. That's what you get for being selfish and stupid.Copy !req
738. Babe, you'll look great in stripes.Copy !req
739. Santa Claus, you are hereby found
innocent of all charges.Copy !req
740. You are free to go.Copy !req
741. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
742. May I say one thing, Your Honor?Copy !req
743. Of course.Copy !req
744. Jake, you saved Christmas.Copy !req
745. Grandma, I want to talk to you
about your store.Copy !req
746. Young man, after everything
Jake has gone throughCopy !req
747. do you really think I'm gonna sell?Copy !req
748. I don't want to buy it.
I want to franchise it –Copy !req
749. open Spankenheimer general stores
all over the country.Copy !req
750. And I want you to be in charge.Copy !req
751. You did it.Copy !req
752. You're a pretty cool little bro.Copy !req
753. We're so proud of you, Jake.Copy !req
754. You never gave up
even when the rest of us did.Copy !req
755. So, Jake,Copy !req
756. what do you want for Christmas?Copy !req
757. Nothin'.Copy !req
758. I already got the best Christmas gift ever.Copy !req
759. I feel the same way.Copy !req
760. I'm glad you're back, grandma.Copy !req
761. On, Donner, on, Blitzen…Copy !req
762. The rest of you!Copy !req
763. Just the way it happened.Copy !req
764. Oh, wait.Copy !req
765. I left out one more thing.Copy !req
766. Not that one!Copy !req
767. It's cousin Mel's!Copy !req
768. Wha-ha!Copy !req
769. Oh, no!Copy !req
770. Reindeer nip.Copy !req
771. Not again!Copy !req
772. Grandma got run over by a reindeerCopy !req
773. walking home from our house
Christmas Eve.Copy !req
774. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,Copy !req
775. but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.Copy !req
776. She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog,Copy !req
777. and we'd begged her not to go.Copy !req
778. But she forgot her medication,Copy !req
779. and she staggered out the door
into the snow.Copy !req
780. When we found her Christmas morningCopy !req
781. at the scene of the attackCopy !req
782. she had hoof prints on her foreheadCopy !req
783. and incriminating Claus marks on her back.Copy !req
784. Grandma got run over by a reindeerCopy !req
785. walking home from our house
Christmas Eve.Copy !req
786. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,Copy !req
787. but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.Copy !req
788. Now we're all so proud of grandpa –Copy !req
789. he's been taking this so well –,Copy !req
790. see him in there watching football,Copy !req
791. drinking beer and playing cards
with cousin Mel.Copy !req
792. It's not Christmas without grandma,Copy !req
793. all the family's dressed in black.Copy !req
794. And we just can't help but wonderCopy !req
795. should we open up her gifts
or send them back?Copy !req
796. Send them back!Copy !req
797. Grandma got run over by a reindeerCopy !req
798. walking home from our house
Christmas Eve.Copy !req
799. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,Copy !req
800. but as for me and grandpa, we believe.Copy !req
801. Now the goose is on the table,Copy !req
802. and the pudding made of fig,Copy !req
803. and the blue and silver candlesCopy !req
804. that would just have matched
the hair in grandma's wig.Copy !req
805. I've warned all my friends and neighbors –Copy !req
806. better watch out for yourselves.Copy !req
807. They should never give a licenseCopy !req
808. to a man who drives a sleigh
and plays with elves.Copy !req
809. Grandma got run over by a reindeerCopy !req
810. walking home from our house
Christmas Eve.Copy !req
811. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,Copy !req
812. but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.Copy !req
813. Sing it, grandpa…Copy !req