1. All right, Kent!
Copy !req
2. Go, Hayley.
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3. Seven minutes.
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4. Go get 'em, cowboy.
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5. See you in seven minutes.
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6. Stu, run it by me again.
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7. Kissing is first base.
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8. Second base is boob.
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9. - Third base is-
- Finger.
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10. - Finger?
- Or thumb.
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11. Okay.
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12. Charlie, trust me.
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13. Second base is what
it's all about.
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14. I'm all about
the boobies.
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15. Okay.
Anything else?
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16. An intentional walk
is a kiss on the cheek.
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17. An inside park home run
is a blow job.
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18. What's a blow job?
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19. I have no idea,
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20. but I overheard
my dad saying
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21. that he gets one
once a year on his birthday.
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22. So it must be good.
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23. Yeah!
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24. You, me.
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25. Closet.
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26. Seven minutes.
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27. Heaven.
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28. He's so gross.
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29. Sorry, Jennifer.
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30. Stop.
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31. Don't touch me.
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32. Stand on that side
of the closet,
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33. and I'll say we kissed.
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34. I will... if you say
we did the nasty.
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35. No.
I'll say we kissed.
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36. Say I touched
your boobies.
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37. No!
I'll say we kissed.
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38. Okay.
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39. I kissed your boobies.
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40. Anisha!
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41. Stop staring.
You're freaking me out.
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42. I'm looking at you
'cause I like you, Charlie.
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43. It's okay.
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44. Come on. You can
do what you want.
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45. That's okay.
I'm kind of new at this.
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46. Let me see your penis.
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47. What's the matter?
Don't you want me?
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48. Oh, my God!
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49. That's my boy.
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50. He's probably
blow-jobbing her.
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51. Anisha!
I can't breathe!
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52. I love you, Charlie.
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53. I've loved you
since the third grade.
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54. Um... thank you?
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55. So you like to play
hard to get.
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56. Back off!
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57. I've read
in my mom's Cosmo
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58. this is supposed
to increase pleasure.
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59. Don't worry.
This is my first time, too.
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60. First time what, killing?
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61. No, Charlie.
Making love.
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62. Get off me, you freak!
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63. Charlie Logan, you are not
my boyfriend anymore.
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64. I hex you!
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65. You what?
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66. I hex you.
You will never be happy.
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67. Around you love will fall
like rain.
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68. But you won't hold it.
Your heart will pain!
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69. Once the girl
has been with you,
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70. to the next she will be true!
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71. Was that Phil Collins?
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72. What happened?
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73. Did you thumb her?
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74. Charlie, we could get arrested
for public indecency.
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75. I like the way you think.
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76. Okay.
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77. All right!
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78. Oh, my-
Oh, my God, Carol.
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79. I love you.
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80. I love you!
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81. Thank you.
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82. I love you, Charlie.
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83. Oh, that's nice.
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84. "That's nice"?
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85. I'm licking the sand
off your balls,
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86. and you say,
"That's nice"?
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87. No, I said,
"Oh, my God" to that.
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88. I said, "Oh, my God"
very enthusiastically about the ball lick.
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89. Hey, listen, I'm sorry.
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90. I just don't think the "L" word
should be thrown around casually.
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91. The "L" word?
What are you, eight?
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92. How about the "F" word
and the "you" word?
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93. I can't believe
you and Carol went belly-up, man.
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94. She was so into you.
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95. Yeah, well, she was
a, uh, noisy eater.
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96. It's that word, Stu: love.
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97. I wanted to say it,
but I just- I couldn't.
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98. How can I say something
if I don't feel it?
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99. Easy. Lie.
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100. What do you think
all relationships are based on, man?
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101. Lies.
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102. "No, honey, your ass
looks great in those jeans. "
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103. "Honey,
I love your parents. "
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104. "You're kidding me. That sore right there?
That's not herpes. "
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105. You know what I'm saying?
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106. So, then, who are you
taking to Katie's wedding?
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107. Oh, I don't know.
You want to go?
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108. Do bridesmaids give head
in the coat room?
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109. Of course I want to go!
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110. You know how easy it is
to score at a wedding?
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111. Have you ever scored
at a wedding?
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112. Pacing myself.
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113. Must be weird.
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114. You were dating Katie
six months ago,
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115. and now she's
marrying a doctor.
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116. I'm a doctor.
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117. He's a heart surgeon.
You're a dentist.
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118. It's like saying
General Patton and Colonel Mustard
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119. are both military men.
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120. Hi, Dr. Stu.
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121. Natalie.
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122. I jerk off
to her mammograms.
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123. God, I love my job.
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124. Every day is like Christmas.
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125. Who are you
working over today?
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126. Dr. Charlie,
you're five minutes late!
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127. You've got four fillings,
three cleanings,
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128. two crowns, and a canal.
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129. You've got too many patients,
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130. and I've got too little patience
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131. for you to be gabbing gossip
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132. with Dr. Boob Jobs in the hallway.
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133. How are you today, Reba?
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134. Were you just
looking at my tits?
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135. Because I am more than happy
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136. with what the Lord Almighty gave me.
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137. I wasn't looking at your-
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138. Come on, Dr. Charlie.
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139. I don't want anybody else
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140. When I think about you,
I rub myself
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141. I don't want
anybody else
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142. When I think about you,
I touch myself
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143. You are what-
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144. Okay, you're my wingman.
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145. If the blonde asks,
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146. I'm the billionaire
who invented string cheese.
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147. If it's that redhead,
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148. tell her I wrote
"We Are the World. "
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149. And, uh, if it's
that cheerleader hottie over there,
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150. my penis is in
the Guinness Book of World Records:
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151. girth, not length.
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152. I want it to sound believable.
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153. Holy shit.
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154. Activate pelvis.
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155. Yo, yo, yo, hold on
to your pantyhose.
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156. The hostess
with the mostest
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157. has got a toastess.
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158. I just want to thank everybody
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159. for coming to share
this day with us.
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160. I couldn't imagine
being any happier
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161. than I am right now.
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162. Wait till tonight, sweetheart.
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163. I know it's
a little unorthodox,
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164. but I'd also like
to propose a toast...
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165. to Charlie Logan.
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166. Thank you, Charlie,
for being my lucky charm.
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167. To Charlie!
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168. - To Charlie.
- To Charlie.
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169. So, you're that Charlie?
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170. What Charlie?
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171. You know, Charlie,
the- the dentist.
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172. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
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173. - Oh, no. Are you okay?
- That's horrible.
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174. - I'm all right.
- I didn't- I didn't mean to.
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175. Sorry about that.
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176. Oh, jeez.
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177. Here you go.
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178. - Thanks.
- Sure.
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179. Oh. There I am.
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180. Join us.
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181. So, what did I miss?
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182. Not much.
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183. Same old-
I do, I do.
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184. "You may
kiss the bride. "
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185. White cake
with raspberry filling,
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186. and the doves
being released,
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187. but the doves
refuse to leave.
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188. I'm Cam. I went
to college with the bride.
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189. I'm Charlie.
I used to date the bride.
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190. Me, too.
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191. Well, no. I mean,
it was a one-time-only
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192. experimental thing,
sophomore year.
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193. We were young.
And drunk.
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194. Is this person
being dipped in acid?
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195. Waiter, could we
have some chloroform for the singer?
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196. What are you going to sing?
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197. I'm thinking about
doing Bon Jovi "Livin' On a Prayer. "
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198. Really?
That's the one I was going to do.
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199. - Oh, really?
- No.
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200. So, Cam, what do you do?
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201. I run the Penguin Habitat
at Aqua World.
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202. Seriously, what do you do?
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203. - Seriously?
- Yeah.
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204. I'm a serial killer.
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205. My passion is killing people
I meet at weddings.
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206. What do you do?
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207. FBI.
You're under arrest.
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208. Your run is over,
Miss "Wexler,"
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209. if that's your real name.
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210. Actually, I am a dentist.
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211. You're a dentist?
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212. You'll love me.
Perfect teeth. No cavities.
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213. Want to see?
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214. Oh, my! My legs!
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215. I'm sorry.
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216. Water!
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217. Oh, no!
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218. I'm sorry.
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219. I'll just get in there and-
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220. - That's all right.
- I'm sorry.
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221. Wait.
Let me see, let me see.
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222. - Thanks.
- It looks like cum!
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223. Well, here I am.
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224. What are your other two wishes?
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225. Stu, Cam.
Cam, Stu.
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226. - Hi.
- Hi.
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227. It's actually Doctor Stu.
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228. I'm a reconstructive
surgeon.
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229. If anyone has an accident
or is born with a deformity,
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230. I'm there to help.
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231. And by deformity,
he means small breasts.
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232. He's just jealous
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233. because he has to clean
plaque all day long
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234. while I'm out
making the world a better place.
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235. Cam, you will not
believe this doofus
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236. that just tried to pick me up.
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237. Oh. Hi.
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238. Hi.
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239. - Again.
- Yeah.
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240. Yeah.
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241. I got to go.
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242. Nice to meet you.
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243. Tits and teeth.
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244. I don't think
she was into me.
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245. Say, uh, ladies-
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246. Hey, you.
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247. Hey.
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248. - You look great.
- Thank you.
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249. So do you.
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250. So, how are you and Carol doing?
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251. We're-
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252. We're just giving each other
a little space right now.
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253. I worry about you
sometimes, Chuck.
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254. Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.
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255. It's better
to have loved and lost
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256. than to have never
loved at all.
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257. I'll buy that when you can honestly
tell me that you have loved.
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258. Touché.
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259. I just want to see you
happy, Chuckles.
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260. Attention, hot mamas.
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261. Can we have all
the single ladies
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262. out on the terrace
for the tossing of the bride's bouquet?
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263. See you.
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264. Ready, ladies?
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265. One!
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266. Two!
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267. Three!
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268. Morning, Reba.
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269. Good morning, Dr. Logan.
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270. Good morning, Doctor.
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271. I think I have a cavity.
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272. Me, too.
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273. - Hey, Sharon. Is Stu in?
- Hi.
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274. Sharon-
Oh, Dr. Logan.
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275. Can you come back here
for a second, please?
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276. Oh, I'm sorry.
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277. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We need you.
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278. Dr. Logan-
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279. This is Pleasure.
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280. Nice to meet you.
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281. The pleasure's all mine.
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282. Get it?
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283. "The pleasure's all mine"?
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284. My name is Pleasure.
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285. That is... enormously clever.
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286. We need
a second opinion.
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287. What do you think?
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288. Are they even?
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289. So you knew they were even.
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290. Of course they were even. I did them.
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291. I just wanted you to see them
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292. without having to pay
for a lap dance.
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293. How did you get a license
to practice medicine?
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294. You need a license?
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295. Listen, have you noticed
anything different about me?
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296. Other than your aversion
to fantastic, gigantic titties?
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297. Women seem to be
coming on to me
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298. in an unusual manner.
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299. Really?
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300. That's crazy.
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301. Charlie! Stuart.
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302. Carol.
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303. Are these back
in season again?
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304. You're getting married.
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305. What can I say?
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306. I guess you are
a lucky charm.
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307. You have 14 new messages.
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308. Message 1.
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309. Hey, Charlie.
My name's Nicole Adams.
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310. You don't know me,
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311. but I got your number
from Amy in Radiology.
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312. I was wondering
if we could meet up
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313. for drinks
one of these nights.
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314. Hi, Charlie.
My name's Julia.
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315. I normally don't do this, but I'm desperate.
Could you-
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316. I'm not sure how you
choose your dates,
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317. but I'm 5'10", blonde-
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318. Hello, Charlie.
My name is Daisy.
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319. Uh, actually in town-
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320. Hi. My name is Bob.
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321. No, it's not a wrong number.
Hear me out.
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322. Hi. This is Cindy.
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323. I'm a friend of Katie's-
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324. Hey, my name's Colleen-
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325. Hey, there.
We met at the gym.
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326. StairMaster buddies?
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327. Eat up, Shadow.
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328. Last chance before bedtime.
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329. Good boy.
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330. Grumpy, don't be a pig.
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331. Don't be a pig.
That's Chester's.
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332. There you go.
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333. Good boy.
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334. Here, Dougie.
Gobble it up.
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335. Come here, Tina.
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336. Grumpy,
you're such a pig.
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337. Joe, hurry up!
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338. I want to go home.
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339. Did you get lost
back there?
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340. Sorry.
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341. Just taking five...
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342. hits from my bong.
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343. If they catch you with weed,
you're going to get fired.
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344. They don't care
that you're my brother.
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345. Oh, take a chillaxitive.
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346. How is anybody
going to know?
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347. Maybe 'cause you smell like you've been
bathing in bong water.
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348. Sweet.
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349. What's that in your pocket?
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350. Oh, I was looking for this.
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351. Three months.
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352. Hey, Skully.
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353. Joe!
Joe, I'm slipping!
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354. And you think I look wasted.
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355. Grumpy, no!
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356. You okay?
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357. I think I chipped a tooth.
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358. It's great to finally meet you.
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359. Let me get that for you.
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360. - Oh, thank you.
- Sure.
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361. - All right?
- Yeah.
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362. All right.
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363. Are you ready?
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364. Yeah, let's go.
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365. Don't you want to, uh-
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366. What?
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367. I don't know,
have dinner first?
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368. Is that how this works?
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369. How what works?
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370. The thing.
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371. The thing. The magic.
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372. The charm.
Copy !req
373. Wait a second.
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374. Gretel, what the hell
are you talking about?
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375. You're a lucky charm.
You have sex with someone,
Copy !req
376. and then they find
their true love.
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377. Isn't that how it works?
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378. Has everybody
lost their minds?
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379. That's ridiculous.
That's absurd.
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380. Do you want top
or bottom?
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381. Put that back
in your secret booby place.
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382. That's- No.
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383. I don't want to take
advantage of you.
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384. Look, don't take this
so seriously.
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385. I'm certainly not.
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386. I'm doing this on a lark.
Copy !req
387. And you won't be
taking advantage of me.
Copy !req
388. Do you know how many
loser boyfriends I have had?
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389. Do you know how many times
I have given myself-
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390. body, mind, soul-
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391. hoping that this was it,
this was the one,
Copy !req
392. only to find out he was
just another asshole?
Copy !req
393. Look, if there's a chance-
Copy !req
394. I mean even a. 0001 %%% chance
that you're the key,
Copy !req
395. that being with you could
open the door to something better,
Copy !req
396. well, I think I'd be
taking advantage of you.
Copy !req
397. Do you want to have sex
before or after dinner?
Copy !req
398. Actually, I have dinner plans.
Copy !req
399. I got to get that.
It's my emergency line.
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400. Oh. Emergency.
Now, that's sexy.
Copy !req
401. Dr. Logan speaking.
Copy !req
402. Hey, it's Cam Wexler.
Copy !req
403. Remember,
from the wedding?
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404. The serial killer?
Copy !req
405. Yeah. Yeah, hi.
Copy !req
406. I'm sorry to bother you,
Copy !req
407. but I have a bit
of a dental emergency.
Copy !req
408. You don't have to make up stories, Cam.
Copy !req
409. If you want to see me,
all you have to do is ask.
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410. No, seriously.
I chipped a tooth,
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411. and it's Saturday night,
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412. and I don't know
who else to call.
Copy !req
413. Oh, you chipped a tooth?
How?
Copy !req
414. I slipped while having
a fish fight,
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415. slid down an ice ramp,
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416. got tackled by a penguin,
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417. and fell face-first
into a fake ice boulder.
Copy !req
418. This is very common.
Copy !req
419. Do you know
where my office is?
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420. Yeah. I got your card
right here.
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421. I can be there
in 20 minutes?
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422. 20 minutes.
I'm leaving now.
Copy !req
423. Okay.
Copy !req
424. Okay, all fixed.
Copy !req
425. Does that hurt?
Copy !req
426. Can you describe the penguin
that attacked you?
Copy !req
427. Very funny.
Copy !req
428. You can rinse.
Copy !req
429. So what really happened?
Copy !req
430. Did you get caught
in the middle
Copy !req
431. of some North Pole-
South Pole gang war?
Copy !req
432. There are no penguins
in the North Pole.
Copy !req
433. That's polar bears.
Copy !req
434. You really are
a penguin freak, aren't you?
Copy !req
435. Oh, you have no idea.
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436. Obsessed is putting it mildly.
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437. I believe you.
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438. Oh, what's that?
Copy !req
439. Oh, I travel
to Guatemala every year
Copy !req
440. to help some
of the poorer villagers.
Copy !req
441. That's so sweet.
Copy !req
442. Sorry!
Copy !req
443. Oh! Oh, no!
They went in!
Copy !req
444. They're in there!
Copy !req
445. - What's in there?
- The things!
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446. Oh, here.
Copy !req
447. Oh, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
448. This is bad.
Copy !req
449. - You're hurt.
- It's okay.
Copy !req
450. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
451. Should have worn
that lead vest.
Copy !req
452. Oh, this always
happens to me.
Copy !req
453. Are you okay?
Copy !req
454. Yes.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Copy !req
455. - You sure?
- I feel good.
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456. Man. I hope you let me
buy you a new shirt.
Copy !req
457. No. No, really.
It's, uh, it's good.
Copy !req
458. But I hope you'll let me
take you out to dinner...
Copy !req
459. sometime.
Copy !req
460. Trust me, you can do
far more damage with a steak knife.
Copy !req
461. I'm sorry.
I- I can't.
Copy !req
462. How much do I owe you
for the tooth?
Copy !req
463. Wait a second.
So you will draw first blood,
Copy !req
464. but you won't
make it up to me?
Copy !req
465. Please, how much?
Copy !req
466. No.
Copy !req
467. Your money's no good here.
Copy !req
468. You sure?
Copy !req
469. I will not accept that.
Copy !req
470. Really?
Copy !req
471. Thank you.
Copy !req
472. Yes.
Copy !req
473. - I'm sorry.
- No.
Copy !req
474. See you in six months
for a routine stabbing.
Copy !req
475. - Bye.
- Bye.
Copy !req
476. Change your mind?
Copy !req
477. My car won't start.
Copy !req
478. Sure it won't.
Copy !req
479. No, really.
I left my lights on.
Copy !req
480. Fine.
I'm pushing the car.
Copy !req
481. No, no, no, wait.
I want to jump you.
Copy !req
482. Now?
Copy !req
483. Not now.
Wait till I get this in here.
Copy !req
484. Now?
Copy !req
485. Oh!
Copy !req
486. You okay?
Copy !req
487. Yep.
Copy !req
488. Let's-
Copy !req
489. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
490. No, no. It's fine.
It's good.
Copy !req
491. Cauterized my wounds.
Copy !req
492. Thank you.
Copy !req
493. Thank you for fixing my tooth
Copy !req
494. and jumping my car.
Copy !req
495. Don't mention it.
Copy !req
496. And thank you
for taking me home
Copy !req
497. to get my spare
set of keys.
Copy !req
498. I have a feeling
this kind of thing happens to you often.
Copy !req
499. My brother
calls me Murphy.
Copy !req
500. Murphy?
Copy !req
501. You know,
like, Murphy's Law:
Copy !req
502. anything that can
go wrong, will.
Copy !req
503. Details.
Copy !req
504. Check out the thumb.
Copy !req
505. Holy crap!
Copy !req
506. What, did you get
pissed off at a stamp?
Copy !req
507. How many bones
have you broken?
Copy !req
508. - 12.
- 12 bones?
Copy !req
509. I'm warning you,
keep a safe distance.
Copy !req
510. Come on. I can't believe
it's really that bad.
Copy !req
511. Is this the heat?
Copy !req
512. No!
Copy !req
513. Convertible top.
Copy !req
514. Oops.
Copy !req
515. Keep the meter running.
Copy !req
516. All right.
Copy !req
517. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
518. Shit! Shit! Shit!
Copy !req
519. Pardon my French.
Copy !req
520. I speak a little French,
and that sounded like "shit. "
Copy !req
521. I left my house key
on the car ring-
Copy !req
522. You know what?
Doesn't matter.
Copy !req
523. Got it!
Copy !req
524. - Sorry.
- You all right?
Copy !req
525. Yeah.
Copy !req
526. - Hope these are the right keys.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
527. Thank you.
Copy !req
528. I'm sorry about the top,
Copy !req
529. and the, uh,
nerve damage in the back,
Copy !req
530. and the whole
electrocution thing, and-
Copy !req
531. I'd still like
to pay for the tooth.
Copy !req
532. I told you.
Buy me dinner.
Copy !req
533. Lunch.
Copy !req
534. Vending machine.
Copy !req
535. Drinks. Water.
I'm easy.
Copy !req
536. I'm just...
Copy !req
537. not emotionally available
at this time.
Copy !req
538. I'm okay with that.
Copy !req
539. I'm looking for more of
a physical relationship anyway.
Copy !req
540. So I've heard.
Copy !req
541. I was kidding.
Copy !req
542. That was a joke.
That was a stupid joke.
Copy !req
543. Okay. I- I get it.
Copy !req
544. So no way, then.
Copy !req
545. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
546. Good night, Dr. Logan.
Copy !req
547. Thank you.
Copy !req
548. I, uh...
Copy !req
549. Yeah.
Copy !req
550. Hi, Dr. Charlie.
Copy !req
551. Reba! What the hell
are you doing here?
Copy !req
552. Sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you.
Copy !req
553. I used the key you left me
in case of emergencies.
Copy !req
554. What's the emergency?
Copy !req
555. I know about the charm.
Copy !req
556. Not you, too.
Copy !req
557. Somebody
posted about you
Copy !req
558. on perfectmatch. Com
Copy !req
559. It's an internet
dating site.
Copy !req
560. Yeah, I know what it is.
Copy !req
561. This is out of control.
Copy !req
562. These stories
are just coincidence.
Copy !req
563. That's what I thought.
Copy !req
564. But then I went
to urbanlegends. Com,
Copy !req
565. and nobody's disproved it.
Copy !req
566. Reba, I'll see you at work on Monday.
Good night.
Copy !req
567. Dr. Logan, you've always
been there for me.
Copy !req
568. When you need a day off, yes.
Copy !req
569. When you need a lift home, yes.
Copy !req
570. When Reggie died
four years ago,
Copy !req
571. you sent that beautiful card.
Copy !req
572. Do you remember
what you wrote?
Copy !req
573. "If there's anything I can do,
please let me know. "
Copy !req
574. Yeah, but, uh-
Copy !req
575. Well, I'm letting
you know.
Copy !req
576. That's not
what I had in mind.
Copy !req
577. These panties are edible,
Copy !req
578. but I'd avoid the tush area
Copy !req
579. as I've been sitting
for about three hours.
Copy !req
580. Reba, I'm not the guy for you.
Copy !req
581. I'm not saying you are.
Copy !req
582. But the next guy might be.
Copy !req
583. Dr. Charlie, if we're together,
Copy !req
584. I know I'll find my soul mate.
Copy !req
585. That- That's ridiculous.
Copy !req
586. No.
Copy !req
587. No, Reba. Don't cry.
It's okay.
Copy !req
588. Come on, Dr. Charlie.
Copy !req
589. You got to do this for me.
Please.
Copy !req
590. - Reba!
- Charlie-
Copy !req
591. I can't do this.
Copy !req
592. Don't worry.
Copy !req
593. I'll do everything.
Copy !req
594. Please.
Copy !req
595. Just close your eyes
Copy !req
596. and imagine somebody beautiful.
Copy !req
597. I'll imagine you.
Copy !req
598. No one but you.
Copy !req
599. Reba?
Copy !req
600. You slept with Reba?
Copy !req
601. Shut up.
Copy !req
602. You shut up.
Copy !req
603. What the hell's
the matter with you?
Copy !req
604. You're telling me
that you have the power
Copy !req
605. to turn any hot chick
out there-
Copy !req
606. any hot chick-
Copy !req
607. into a knob-gobbling,
lance-waxing flesh monger,
Copy !req
608. and you're out there
plowing the back 40 with Reba!
Copy !req
609. You don't know
because you weren't there.
Copy !req
610. Thank God I wasn't there.
Copy !req
611. It's disgusting.
It's revolting.
Copy !req
612. You're nasty.
Copy !req
613. How was she?
Copy !req
614. Dude, check it.
Copy !req
615. You see, that is
the kind of tail you should be chasing.
Copy !req
616. I could suck a fart
out of her ass
Copy !req
617. and hold it
like a bong hit.
Copy !req
618. Nice stop, kid.
Way to be.
Copy !req
619. Dude, these chicks,
Copy !req
620. they think that you're,
like, a lucky charm, man.
Copy !req
621. I mean,
you poke the poon,
Copy !req
622. she marries the next guy
she dates after you.
Copy !req
623. It's not true.
Copy !req
624. Who cares if it's true?
Copy !req
625. Wake up, man.
Copy !req
626. You got it made.
Copy !req
627. What is it
that all women want?
Copy !req
628. To get married,
Copy !req
629. raise crib midgets,
Copy !req
630. and apparently, buddy,
Copy !req
631. you got the ticket
to the big show.
Copy !req
632. Do you know
what this means?
Copy !req
633. Trim.
Copy !req
634. You're going to be seeing
trim like Tommy Lee,
Copy !req
635. like Colin Farrell,
Copy !req
636. like Ellen DeGeneres-
just-
Copy !req
637. Have you considered
the possibility the reason
Copy !req
638. you haven't been laid
in the last decade
Copy !req
639. has something to do with
your routine use of the word "trim"?
Copy !req
640. Yeah!
Copy !req
641. Seven days a week, 56 weeks a year, trim!
Copy !req
642. That's my bad.
Copy !req
643. Where's your manners, shithead?
Copy !req
644. What did you say to me?
Copy !req
645. Little help here, honey?
Copy !req
646. Look, you and I are different, okay?
Copy !req
647. Besides the fact
that I'm not retarded,
Copy !req
648. I don't want
to take advantage.
Copy !req
649. - Dude.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
650. Was Martin Luther King,
Jr. taking advantage
Copy !req
651. when he said that thing
in that place?
Copy !req
652. I don't think so.
Copy !req
653. Was Gandhi taking advantage
when he was doing his thing?
Copy !req
654. No.
Copy !req
655. And don't tell me
that Gandhi didn't score
Copy !req
656. some sweet-ass
Native American trim.
Copy !req
657. Gandhi was Indian.
Copy !req
658. They don't like
to be called that.
Copy !req
659. Dude, I thought
you wanted to feel love.
Copy !req
660. I do.
Copy !req
661. So stop dipping your foot in the pool
and dive the fuck in!
Copy !req
662. And think about this, man.
Copy !req
663. You'd be providing
a much-needed public service.
Copy !req
664. You'd be helping women find love.
Copy !req
665. Now, don't come bitching to me
Copy !req
666. you haven't found Miss Right yet
Copy !req
667. if you got women lining up
for the position
Copy !req
668. and you're turning
your back on them.
Copy !req
669. Nice.
Copy !req
670. I guess.
Copy !req
671. If I did it for the right reasons.
Copy !req
672. Whatever helps you
sleep at night, biznatch.
Copy !req
673. No, no, no. Whoa, whoa.
Don't take off my top.
Copy !req
674. Something wrong?
Copy !req
675. They're for the baby.
Copy !req
676. You have a baby?
Copy !req
677. No, but I will someday.
Copy !req
678. It's really good.
Copy !req
679. Fuck me.
Copy !req
680. Fuck me harder.
Copy !req
681. Oh.
Yeah.
Copy !req
682. Fuck me!
Copy !req
683. - Fuck me!
- I'm fucking!
Copy !req
684. Fuck me, you cocksucking,
cum-guzzling shithead!
Copy !req
685. Split my pussy in two!
Copy !req
686. You motherfucking asshole!
Copy !req
687. Is something wrong?
Copy !req
688. Oh, God.
Copy !req
689. Oh, God!
Copy !req
690. Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus Christ, almighty!
Copy !req
691. God, my savior!
Copy !req
692. I shall adore thee from now
until forever more!
Copy !req
693. Oh! Amen!
Copy !req
694. Would you like to
pray with me now?
Copy !req
695. Uh... no.
Copy !req
696. Yeah, I don't do that with men.
Copy !req
697. Oh, yeah.
That's it.
Copy !req
698. That's it!
Copy !req
699. That's definitely it!
Copy !req
700. That'll be my wedding dress.
Copy !req
701. What do you think?
Copy !req
702. Megan, I swear I know you
from some place.
Copy !req
703. We went to high school together.
Copy !req
704. Megan...
Copy !req
705. What's your last name?
Copy !req
706. Gilles.
Copy !req
707. Gilles.
I knew a Matthew Gilles.
Copy !req
708. God, you do look like him.
Is that your brother?
Copy !req
709. Actually, that was me
before the operation.
Copy !req
710. Thanks.
Copy !req
711. You're welcome.
Copy !req
712. - This just isn't working for me.
- Yeah, right.
Copy !req
713. You're just gonna give up
boning all these women?
Copy !req
714. These girls don't want
to be with me.
Copy !req
715. They want to be
with the next guy.
Copy !req
716. So what? The road
to the next guy leads through you.
Copy !req
717. It's not that satisfying.
Copy !req
718. I'll tell you not satisfying.
Copy !req
719. Last night I masturbated
into a grapefruit.
Copy !req
720. I put it in the microwave.
Copy !req
721. I heated it up
a little bit, which helped,
Copy !req
722. but...
Copy !req
723. still.
Copy !req
724. You know, I read somewhere
that penguins like to eat their own shit.
Copy !req
725. You have 108 messages.
Copy !req
726. Messages deleted.
Copy !req
727. The female lays a single egg
Copy !req
728. and rolls it onto
the feet of the male.
Copy !req
729. The male stands
and incubates the egg
Copy !req
730. until it hatches,
about 65 days.
Copy !req
731. Having built up
a thick layer of fat
Copy !req
732. to sustain him
through the long winter,
Copy !req
733. he never leaves the egg
to hunt for food.
Copy !req
734. The female returns just
before the chick hatches.
Copy !req
735. If you have any questions,
please feel free to ask.
Copy !req
736. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
737. Are you telling me
that the male penguin
Copy !req
738. really lives off
his own fat for 65 days
Copy !req
739. while he's protecting
the egg?
Copy !req
740. You think that the female could bring him,
like, a mackerel burger?
Copy !req
741. Seriously, why are you here?
Copy !req
742. Look, I don't buy the whole
Copy !req
743. "I'm not emotionally available" thing.
Copy !req
744. Are you dying?
Copy !req
745. Is that why you don't want
to get involved with me?
Copy !req
746. Because you don't wanna
hurt me when you die?
Copy !req
747. No, I'm not dying.
Copy !req
748. Well, I'm not dying either,
so what is it, then?
Copy !req
749. Am I not your type?
I can take it if it's that.
Copy !req
750. I think you should go.
Copy !req
751. No, I think
I should stay,
Copy !req
752. because I paid $38.00
to see you today.
Copy !req
753. And I'm not leaving
until you pay me my money back.
Copy !req
754. Is this the dude?
Copy !req
755. - No. Joe!
- Have you been talking about me?
Copy !req
756. Why aren't you wearing your shirt?
Copy !req
757. - Has she been talking about me?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
758. - No!
- You're the dentist.
Copy !req
759. I am the dude!
Copy !req
760. No, I mentioned you in passing.
Copy !req
761. I said you were funny.
Copy !req
762. - Oh.
- And you said he was-
Copy !req
763. And I said you were
charming and...
Copy !req
764. good-looking, and...
Copy !req
765. you have a nice smile.
Copy !req
766. Oh, I would not go out with me, either.
Copy !req
767. Excuse me, miss?
How come the mommy penguin
Copy !req
768. doesn't bring back food
for the daddy penguin?
Copy !req
769. 'Cause the daddy penguin
doesn't need any food, sweetie.
Copy !req
770. I have another question.
Copy !req
771. Why won't you go out with Charlie?
Copy !req
772. - She'd love to.
- Joe! You're my brother!
Copy !req
773. Why are you taking his side?
Copy !req
774. Because I know
how long it's been-
Copy !req
775. Another word,
I hide your stash.
Copy !req
776. Go put a shirt on.
Copy !req
777. Look, how about this.
Copy !req
778. Why don't you eat,
Copy !req
779. and I'll just digest my own lard.
Copy !req
780. Look...
Copy !req
781. I just...
Copy !req
782. I know three women
you've gone out with.
Copy !req
783. I'm just not into dating
as a sport.
Copy !req
784. Wait, you said if anybody
had any questions-
Copy !req
785. - No! I'm not going out with you!
- That's not my question.
Copy !req
786. That was the little girl's question.
I have a new question.
Copy !req
787. What is that penguin
right there?
Copy !req
788. That's a Gentoo,
one of several species
Copy !req
789. of penguin that is
completely monogamous.
Copy !req
790. I hope that answers
your question.
Copy !req
791. Oh, and penguins are unique
Copy !req
792. in that mate selection
is up to the female.
Copy !req
793. Much like our relationship.
Copy !req
794. Why do you wanna take me
to dinner so badly?
Copy !req
795. You look hungry.
Copy !req
796. Seriously.
Copy !req
797. - Seriously?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
798. Because you remind me
of these penguins.
Copy !req
799. Yes, they're kind of
awkward and goofy.
Copy !req
800. Yet in the water,
they're so beautiful.
Copy !req
801. Okay.
Copy !req
802. Okay, what?
Copy !req
803. - Okay, dinner.
- Will you put that in writing?
Copy !req
804. Don't push it.
Copy !req
805. But only as friends...
Copy !req
806. because if you must know,
there is someone else.
Copy !req
807. His name is Howard Blaine.
Copy !req
808. He is a foremost expert on penguins,
Copy !req
809. and I'm meeting him
later this year at a conference.
Copy !req
810. I'm interested in him.
Copy !req
811. Well, I'm interested
in choreographing
Copy !req
812. a wacky line dance
that sweeps the nation,
Copy !req
813. but we both know
that's never gonna happen.
Copy !req
814. One date as friends.
Copy !req
815. Fine.
Copy !req
816. Bye.
Copy !req
817. I'm okay.
Just-
Copy !req
818. - Yeah.
- I'm fine.
Copy !req
819. Bye.
Copy !req
820. So do sharks get cavities?
Copy !req
821. No.
Copy !req
822. - You have no idea, do you.
- I don't know.
Copy !req
823. I thought we were gonna
ask each other personal questions.
Copy !req
824. Isn't that the point
of 100 Questions?
Copy !req
825. Is that your question?
Copy !req
826. No, my question is...
Copy !req
827. Why penguins? Why?
Copy !req
828. Why teeth?
Copy !req
829. Same as every other dentist.
Copy !req
830. Couldn't get
into med school.
Copy !req
831. That's funny.
Copy !req
832. My parents didn't think so.
Copy !req
833. So really, why penguins?
Copy !req
834. Couldn't get into shark school.
Copy !req
835. I don't know,
lots of reasons.
Copy !req
836. For one, you can't help but smile
when you see a penguin.
Copy !req
837. Yeah, plus they have that bad-ass tuxedo
embedded in their flesh.
Copy !req
838. I know! They're just so cute.
Copy !req
839. I just-
I just love 'em so much.
Copy !req
840. I just love, love, love 'em!
Copy !req
841. I even go to Antarctica
for research.
Copy !req
842. Oh, it's so beautiful there.
Copy !req
843. You know they have
once-a-year sunsets?
Copy !req
844. You haven't seen beauty
until you've seen that.
Copy !req
845. Oh, I don't know about that.
Copy !req
846. And the penguin rituals
are just fascinating.
Copy !req
847. Okay now, by rituals,
do you mean, like,
Copy !req
848. eating their own poop?
Copy !req
849. No.
Copy !req
850. Like when a male
is sweet on a female,
Copy !req
851. he searches
the entire beach
Copy !req
852. to find the perfect pebble
to present to her.
Copy !req
853. When he finally finds it,
Copy !req
854. he waddles over
Copy !req
855. and presents the stone
by placing it at her feet.
Copy !req
856. If she accepts,
they'll be life-long mates.
Copy !req
857. It's kind of like
an engagement ring.
Copy !req
858. Yeah, it's unbelievable to watch.
Copy !req
859. I have a feeling
Copy !req
860. that you are
a very good kisser.
Copy !req
861. And I know this because I spent
an hour and a half inside your mouth,
Copy !req
862. and I scoped it out.
Copy !req
863. What makes you think
I'll be kissing you, huh?
Copy !req
864. You all right?
Copy !req
865. You okay?
Copy !req
866. I guess I was wrong about
the "really good kisser" thing.
Copy !req
867. Come on, we'll find
something you're good at.
Copy !req
868. What!
Copy !req
869. Perfectly imperfect?
What the hell does that mean?
Copy !req
870. I don't know.
Copy !req
871. I mean, haven't you ever
fallen for someone's flaws?
Copy !req
872. I'm a plastic surgeon.
Copy !req
873. I see a flaw,
I pour spackle over it.
Copy !req
874. Hey, are these new?
Copy !req
875. Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, no!
Copy !req
876. No, you don't touch these.
Copy !req
877. It's Pamela Anderson's
breast implants.
Copy !req
878. Why are they not implanted
in her breasts?
Copy !req
879. It's a reduction, baby.
This is what came out.
Copy !req
880. So you're hoping that
some sick dude will buy these?
Copy !req
881. Some sick dude already did.
Copy !req
882. This dude!
Copy !req
883. What the hell do you want
Pamela Anderson's breast fillings for?
Copy !req
884. Why the hell do you want
Miss Penguin Pussy?
Copy !req
885. To each his own, buddy.
Copy !req
886. Oh, Miss Penguin Pussy.
Who the fuck are you?
Copy !req
887. Stu Klaminsky.
Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
888. Anyway, Cam's the one, man.
Copy !req
889. When I'm with her,
I don't know, Stu.
Copy !req
890. I mean, I feel like...
Copy !req
891. She just-
She-
Copy !req
892. Completes you.
Copy !req
893. - Screw you.
- Screw you.
Copy !req
894. And can I just say
Copy !req
895. that I'm an idiot
for listening to you?
Copy !req
896. Public service.
Copy !req
897. May I remind you
Copy !req
898. that you got
your axle greased
Copy !req
899. a fair amount
in the process?
Copy !req
900. What's sex without love?
Copy !req
901. Sex!
Copy !req
902. It's still sex!
Copy !req
903. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
904. I never met a guy so bummed
to squirt a little baby gravy.
Copy !req
905. Baby gravy?
Copy !req
906. You know, man chowder.
Copy !req
907. Can't believe you're going
cold turkey for this chick.
Copy !req
908. If she wants me to be
more like a Gentoo,
Copy !req
909. I'm going to be
like a Gentoo.
Copy !req
910. You lost me.
Copy !req
911. Gentoo.
It's a monogamous penguin.
Copy !req
912. Who's ridiculed
by the other penguins
Copy !req
913. for being a fag.
Copy !req
914. Here it comes!
Copy !req
915. You got some- right there.
Copy !req
916. Thanks.
Copy !req
917. Do I have any on me?
Copy !req
918. No, no.
Copy !req
919. You want to get that?
Copy !req
920. You're silly.
Copy !req
921. I have something for you.
Copy !req
922. Really?
Copy !req
923. A gift?
Copy !req
924. Oh, bad form.
Copy !req
925. A gift on the third date?
Copy !req
926. Open it.
Copy !req
927. Okay.
Copy !req
928. You're an asshole.
Copy !req
929. Yes, but a thoughtful asshole.
Copy !req
930. Thank you.
Copy !req
931. So, fess up about this charm.
Copy !req
932. You heard about that.
Copy !req
933. Yeah. It's quite a scam
you got going.
Copy !req
934. - No, it's not me.
- Please.
Copy !req
935. It's not.
I'm serious.
Copy !req
936. Somebody somewhere
got it into their head
Copy !req
937. that once a girl's
been with me,
Copy !req
938. she'll meet her true love
Copy !req
939. with the next guy
she goes out with.
Copy !req
940. Can you believe it?
Copy !req
941. Please.
Copy !req
942. People will believe
whatever they want to believe.
Copy !req
943. Okay. I've got one for you.
Copy !req
944. Did you know
it is physically impossible
Copy !req
945. for a human being
to lick their own elbow?
Copy !req
946. How do you know that?
Copy !req
947. No one can do it.
Copy !req
948. All right.
I can do it.
Copy !req
949. Can't do it, my friend.
Copy !req
950. All right, fine.
Copy !req
951. I've got one.
Copy !req
952. Did you know
that the average person
Copy !req
953. produces 10,000 gallons of saliva
in their lifetime?
Copy !req
954. Did you know that I produce
10,000 gallons of saliva in one kiss?
Copy !req
955. That's disgusting.
Copy !req
956. I'm going to show you.
Come here.
Copy !req
957. I'm serious.
I'm serious about this.
Copy !req
958. I don't like sloppy kisses.
Copy !req
959. Are you trying to unhook my bra?
Copy !req
960. No. No.
I wouldn't do that. No.
Copy !req
961. Why not?
Am I not your type?
Copy !req
962. You are definitely my type.
Copy !req
963. What's your type?
Copy !req
964. Black and blue,
riddled with bandages.
Copy !req
965. And braless.
Yeah. Definitely braless.
Copy !req
966. Your move.
Copy !req
967. That's it?
Copy !req
968. Socks are next.
Slow down.
Copy !req
969. Wuss.
Copy !req
970. You really want to do this?
Copy !req
971. I mean, you really want
to take us further?
Copy !req
972. This is not happening.
Copy !req
973. I got to get it.
Copy !req
974. It's- It's my emergency line.
Copy !req
975. No. No.
Copy !req
976. I got to get it.
I'll be back.
Copy !req
977. I'll be fast.
Copy !req
978. Dr. Logan speaking.
Copy !req
979. Dude!
Copy !req
980. Is this an emergency?
Copy !req
981. You're going to want
to hear this, man.
Copy !req
982. Well, I am rather busy
right now.
Copy !req
983. Good night!
Copy !req
984. Whoa, whoa, wait.
Did you bone her yet?
Copy !req
985. Look, unless
this is an emergency,
Copy !req
986. call my office
in the morning.
Copy !req
987. Fine. You want
to lose her forever,
Copy !req
988. you hang up the phone
right now.
Copy !req
989. This is going to be
the best night of your life.
Copy !req
990. Are you still there?
Copy !req
991. Chuck. Are you there?
Copy !req
992. What are you
talking about?
Copy !req
993. Dude, it's that charm thing.
Copy !req
994. It turns out it's real!
Copy !req
995. No. That's not true
because you told me yourself-
Copy !req
996. Uh-uh, but now I believe.
Copy !req
997. I started
calling all your exes.
Copy !req
998. They're married.
Copy !req
999. Not just some. All.
Copy !req
1000. A to Z on your Palm Pilot, man.
Copy !req
1001. Susan Agrezzi
to Jeannie Zeigert.
Copy !req
1002. Every single one
you closed the deal with.
Copy !req
1003. And did you see this month's
high school newsletter?
Copy !req
1004. Sarah McDowell.
Copy !req
1005. What, the girl
I lost my virginity to?
Copy !req
1006. Did you see who she
wound up marrying?
Copy !req
1007. Tony Lamberto, that douche bag
she dumped you for!
Copy !req
1008. You know what this means,
don't you?
Copy !req
1009. You shake the sheets with Cam,
Copy !req
1010. she's going to marry
the next guy she dates.
Copy !req
1011. This- This-
Copy !req
1012. I hate you.
Copy !req
1013. I really hate you!
Copy !req
1014. I got to go.
I got to go.
Copy !req
1015. A dental emergency.
Copy !req
1016. Freak accident.
Copy !req
1017. Children, they thought
it was gumballs.
Copy !req
1018. Ball bearings,
Copy !req
1019. and it just fucked up
their shit.
Copy !req
1020. You look great.
I had a good time.
Copy !req
1021. I got to go.
Copy !req
1022. I got to go!
Copy !req
1023. I can't believe you're
really considering doing this.
Copy !req
1024. If you believe it
and everyone else believes it,
Copy !req
1025. what else can I do?
Copy !req
1026. Anything but this.
Copy !req
1027. I got to be sure.
Copy !req
1028. I've got to put the curse to the test.
Copy !req
1029. Where is she?
Copy !req
1030. She's beached over there
Copy !req
1031. by the giant garbage bag
full of doughnut holes.
Copy !req
1032. Eleanor Skepple.
Copy !req
1033. She's angry, rude,
and she smells bad.
Copy !req
1034. In addition to back acne,
Copy !req
1035. she's got front acne
and side acne.
Copy !req
1036. You see that glass of water there?
Copy !req
1037. She keeps her teeth
in that glass.
Copy !req
1038. So you're saying
that she's single.
Copy !req
1039. She's your best bet, man.
Copy !req
1040. You sink the soldier all you want.
Copy !req
1041. This chick ain't never
getting married.
Copy !req
1042. If she was the last woman
on the face of the earth,
Copy !req
1043. humanity would come
to a screeching halt.
Copy !req
1044. Hey, asshole,
got my peanut butter?
Copy !req
1045. No. My name's Charlie.
Copy !req
1046. I'm sorry.
I was just wondering
Copy !req
1047. if, um- if I could
take you out tonight.
Copy !req
1048. How does that-
How does that sound?
Copy !req
1049. You want me to elaborate?
Copy !req
1050. No. I get your drift.
Copy !req
1051. I'm sorry to have bothered you.
Copy !req
1052. Pay you a hundred dollars
to go out with me tonight.
Copy !req
1053. $200.
Copy !req
1054. Make me happy.
Copy !req
1055. So a thousand dollars,
Copy !req
1056. and all you have to do
is take me to dinner?
Copy !req
1057. Well, actually, I thought
that maybe we could,
Copy !req
1058. you know, we-
you and I could, uh-
Copy !req
1059. get physical.
Copy !req
1060. All right.
Copy !req
1061. I'm gonna fuck you
till you die!
Copy !req
1062. And now we wait.
Copy !req
1063. Oh, Coco,
I know how you feel.
Copy !req
1064. We just put ourselves
out there,
Copy !req
1065. and what happened?
Copy !req
1066. I'm left hanging.
Copy !req
1067. Huh, girl?
Copy !req
1068. Has he called yet?
Copy !req
1069. No, Joe, he hasn't.
Copy !req
1070. Thanks for asking.
I really appreciate it.
Copy !req
1071. God, I feel so stupid.
Copy !req
1072. Why did I act like that?
Copy !req
1073. Why hasn't he called?
Copy !req
1074. All this waiting
is driving me crazy.
Copy !req
1075. You know, there's always
some madness in love.
Copy !req
1076. But there's also always
some reason in madness.
Copy !req
1077. Nietzsche.
Copy !req
1078. Been using the pages
of this philosophy book
Copy !req
1079. for rolling paper.
Copy !req
1080. It's like I'm smoking
their thoughts.
Copy !req
1081. It's him.
Copy !req
1082. Well, get it.
Copy !req
1083. I'm gonna let it ring.
Copy !req
1084. I'll screen it.
Copy !req
1085. Sorry I haven't called,
but I've been really sick.
Copy !req
1086. I can't even get out of bed.
Copy !req
1087. Do you think maybe we could
just talk on the phone
Copy !req
1088. or on the computer?
Copy !req
1089. I'd really, really like that.
Copy !req
1090. Call me.
Copy !req
1091. I can't pretend
to be sick forever.
Copy !req
1092. Come on, man.
You're my hero.
Copy !req
1093. - I don't know.
- Yeah, you gotta do this for me.
Copy !req
1094. You got this, my brother.
You're a crazy train.
Copy !req
1095. You're the man
in the mirror.
Copy !req
1096. You're a force of nature.
Hurricane Stu.
Copy !req
1097. I can't do it.
Copy !req
1098. You have to do it.
Copy !req
1099. No one's asked her out yet.
Copy !req
1100. Yeah, right. So I go out
with Eleanor Skepple
Copy !req
1101. to test your curse,
Copy !req
1102. and what happens next?
Copy !req
1103. I'm walking down the aisle
with Shamu!
Copy !req
1104. I don't think so.
Copy !req
1105. Do you see what I'm doing here?
Copy !req
1106. The friend card, man?
Copy !req
1107. Yeah.
Copy !req
1108. That's mean.
Copy !req
1109. You leave me no choice.
Copy !req
1110. Give me that,
you son of a bitch.
Copy !req
1111. If I marry her, Chuck,
Copy !req
1112. we're going to hunt you down
and eat you.
Copy !req
1113. Yeah, Stu.
Copy !req
1114. I can't believe
you're still sick.
Copy !req
1115. How long has it been?
Copy !req
1116. Two weeks. It's, uh...
Copy !req
1117. it's killing me,
but, you know,
Copy !req
1118. I don't
want to infect you.
Copy !req
1119. At this point,
I wouldn't mind.
Copy !req
1120. You know, I feel
like a kid again.
Copy !req
1121. I haven't talked
on the phone this much
Copy !req
1122. since I was in high school.
Copy !req
1123. That reminds me.
Copy !req
1124. Would you go to the prom with me?
Copy !req
1125. I love your voice.
Copy !req
1126. The crazy things is,
I can't picture you anymore.
Copy !req
1127. Okay, here's the update:
Copy !req
1128. I am now 4'3",
Copy !req
1129. I weigh 235 pounds,
and I've got a cleft eye.
Copy !req
1130. Can I ask you something?
Copy !req
1131. Yeah.
Copy !req
1132. Are you not into girls?
Copy !req
1133. No.
No.
Copy !req
1134. Are you... seriously, are you there?
Copy !req
1135. Yeah.
Copy !req
1136. I'm not... not into girls.
Copy !req
1137. You should have seen
my room growing up.
Copy !req
1138. It was full of posters of... of girls!
Copy !req
1139. There was no guys.
It was girls!
Copy !req
1140. Well, are you avoiding
actually seeing me?
Copy !req
1141. No, Cam. I'm dying to see you.
It's killing me.
Copy !req
1142. Then come over.
Right now. Wash my back.
Copy !req
1143. Come on.
Copy !req
1144. I'll wear a mask.
You could wear a mask.
Copy !req
1145. We'll play doctor.
Copy !req
1146. Ooh, boy. I want to,
Copy !req
1147. but with the-
Copy !req
1148. No buts.
I need to see you.
Copy !req
1149. I need to see if that
birthmark you have
Copy !req
1150. really looks like Alfred Hitchcock.
Copy !req
1151. Now, wait. No. That-
Copy !req
1152. That is a restricted area, okay?
Copy !req
1153. Not everybody gets a peek
Copy !req
1154. at the Master of Suspense,
Copy !req
1155. if you know
what I'm saying.
Copy !req
1156. If I can't see you,
Copy !req
1157. we should take
our phone relationship
Copy !req
1158. to the next level.
Copy !req
1159. What do you mean?
Copy !req
1160. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1161. That feels good.
Copy !req
1162. I like that.
Do you like that?
Copy !req
1163. Like what?
Copy !req
1164. That's my phone sex voice.
Copy !req
1165. Come on, Charlie,
work with me here.
Copy !req
1166. I want to. I just don't
think that we should do that.
Copy !req
1167. I mean, nothing to do with-
Copy !req
1168. Does your phone
receive pictures?
Copy !req
1169. Yeah, why?
Copy !req
1170. Sending.
Copy !req
1171. Sending?
Copy !req
1172. What are you sending to me?
Copy !req
1173. Fuck!
Copy !req
1174. - I got it.
- Got it?
Copy !req
1175. I'm done for the night.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1176. Oh, God.
Hold on one second.
Copy !req
1177. Stu, what's up?
Copy !req
1178. The deed is done.
Copy !req
1179. I went out
with Eleanor Skepple.
Copy !req
1180. I'm not proposing to her,
Copy !req
1181. so you're in the clear.
Copy !req
1182. Are you there?
Copy !req
1183. Chuck?
Copy !req
1184. I feel better.
Copy !req
1185. Camcorder in the bedroom, huh?
Copy !req
1186. Kinky.
Copy !req
1187. So, for the, uh, camera,
Copy !req
1188. do I have to sign a waiver
or something, you know,
Copy !req
1189. for internet purposes?
Copy !req
1190. You really want
to talk right now?
Copy !req
1191. Whoa, those are nice.
Copy !req
1192. Oh, God bless you.
Copy !req
1193. You pushed me.
Copy !req
1194. Sorry.
It's been a while.
Copy !req
1195. I can see I'm going
to have to wear protection.
Copy !req
1196. Stop staring at me.
Copy !req
1197. You're creeping me out.
Copy !req
1198. no matter what your size.
Copy !req
1199. You will not go to waste.
Copy !req
1200. Sometimes it takes
a little love
Copy !req
1201. to make someone want
to shed the pounds.
Copy !req
1202. Two main reasons-
Copy !req
1203. What the hell?
Copy !req
1204. Hello.
Copy !req
1205. "The deed is done"?
The deed is done!
Copy !req
1206. I thought you said
Copy !req
1207. you went out
with Eleanor Skepple.
Copy !req
1208. No, man. I just said that.
Copy !req
1209. What?
Copy !req
1210. I didn't want to risk it.
Copy !req
1211. Marrying her?
Are you stupid?
Copy !req
1212. But I saw you, man.
Copy !req
1213. You asked her out.
Copy !req
1214. No, man. I asked her
what time it was.
Copy !req
1215. She said it was 3:53.
Copy !req
1216. I can't believe
that I trusted you, Stu.
Copy !req
1217. You fucked me!
Copy !req
1218. Take out your friend card.
Copy !req
1219. What?
Copy !req
1220. Take out your friend card now
and rip it up
Copy !req
1221. because you fucked me, Stu.
Copy !req
1222. Oh, buddy, she's just a girl.
Copy !req
1223. No. It's not a girl.
Copy !req
1224. It's the girl.
Copy !req
1225. Now I'm going to lose her.
Copy !req
1226. I'm not going to lose her.
Copy !req
1227. Breakfast in bed.
Copy !req
1228. Wake up! Good morning!
It's a beautiful day!
Copy !req
1229. Wow.
Copy !req
1230. Am I supposed to eat
my way out of here?
Copy !req
1231. I walked into the supermarket.
Copy !req
1232. I stood there. I was like,
"What does Cam want?"
Copy !req
1233. And I couldn't stop.
Copy !req
1234. I was like, "She'll want that
and that and that," and I got it all.
Copy !req
1235. They didn't have Spam, though.
I talked to the manager.
Copy !req
1236. They won't have it in until next week.
Anyway, enjoy.
Copy !req
1237. Are you okay?
Copy !req
1238. I am fantastic.
I feel like-
Copy !req
1239. I did this-
Copy !req
1240. And then I gave myself
one of these. Look.
Copy !req
1241. And I made out with myself.
Copy !req
1242. You're acting kind of strange.
Copy !req
1243. No. No, no.
Copy !req
1244. Yeah, eat up. Eat up.
Try that. Try that.
Copy !req
1245. Eat up.
Copy !req
1246. Hey, um, what are your plans
Copy !req
1247. for the rest of today?
Copy !req
1248. I'm going to work.
Copy !req
1249. I'm going to go
to work with you!
Copy !req
1250. I'm going to hang out.
Copy !req
1251. I got it all planned out.
I'm going to go.
Copy !req
1252. I'm kidding.
I'm not going to work with you.
Copy !req
1253. Actually, Saturday.
Copy !req
1254. What are you plans for Saturday- Sunday?
Copy !req
1255. What are your plans
for Sunday?
Copy !req
1256. Don't even answer that
Copy !req
1257. because I'm already
thinking about Wednesday.
Copy !req
1258. What are you doing Wednesday?
Copy !req
1259. Let's just seal it right now-
seal the deal-
Copy !req
1260. and then I'll do my pineapple dance.
Copy !req
1261. Yes, Wednesday?
Copy !req
1262. This is your fault!
Everything!
Copy !req
1263. You!
Copy !req
1264. Jesus Christ, why me?
Copy !req
1265. Just shut your lips, Stu.
Shut up!
Copy !req
1266. Hi, Cam. What's up?
It's Charlie.
Copy !req
1267. How are you doing today?
Copy !req
1268. I just wanted to call
Copy !req
1269. and make sure I had
the right number,
Copy !req
1270. and I do, and I do.
Copy !req
1271. How are you doing?
Copy !req
1272. Having a good day at work?
Copy !req
1273. Well, I'll let you get back,
but I wanted to remind you,
Copy !req
1274. Wednesday night,
you and me, happily.
Copy !req
1275. All right.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
Copy !req
1276. This is your fault!
Copy !req
1277. His!
Copy !req
1278. You already ate.
Why are you-
Copy !req
1279. Is there something different
in here since lunch?
Copy !req
1280. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana
Copy !req
1281. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana
Copy !req
1282. Got me lookin'
so crazy right now
Copy !req
1283. Your love's got me
lookin' so crazy right now
Copy !req
1284. Got me lookin'
so crazy right now
Copy !req
1285. Your touch has got me
lookin' so crazy right now
Copy !req
1286. Got me hopin'
you'd page me right now
Copy !req
1287. Your kiss got me hopin'
you'd save me right now
Copy !req
1288. Lookin' so crazy,
your love's got me lookin'
Copy !req
1289. Got me lookin' so crazy,
your love
Copy !req
1290. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, got it.
Copy !req
1291. Got me going,
so pay me right now
Copy !req
1292. Raise the habitat.
Copy !req
1293. Crazy, crazy, crazy
Copy !req
1294. Crazy for you
Copy !req
1295. Changed my mind.
Copy !req
1296. Took the day off
so I could hang.
Copy !req
1297. I won't be in the way.
Copy !req
1298. I know what you're thinking.
I'm going to be in the way.
Copy !req
1299. But I think I'm going to blend in like this.
I think I'll blend. Look.
Copy !req
1300. I know how to do that.
Copy !req
1301. Charlie, I'm working.
Copy !req
1302. Or I could go.
Copy !req
1303. Yeah, I-
Copy !req
1304. Get out of here.
Copy !req
1305. No, no.
Copy !req
1306. Thanks.
Copy !req
1307. Have a great day at work.
Copy !req
1308. My car's this way.
Copy !req
1309. Hi, Cam.
Copy !req
1310. Work is done.
Time for fun.
Copy !req
1311. Hey.
Copy !req
1312. Listen, I know
an amazing sushi place,
Copy !req
1313. and the best part of all:
Copy !req
1314. when you're finished
with your leftovers,
Copy !req
1315. they put them in a doggie bag-
or a penguin bag.
Copy !req
1316. - Charlie-
- Oh, you don't like sushi.
Copy !req
1317. Uh, Thai? Indian.
Copy !req
1318. Listen to me, you need
to leave me alone, okay?
Copy !req
1319. I need some space.
Copy !req
1320. So tonight is no good.
Copy !req
1321. I'm very close
to changing my phone number.
Copy !req
1322. Do you understand?
Copy !req
1323. If you were a hamburger
at McDonald's,
Copy !req
1324. I'd name you my
McBeautiful Tittie Sandwich
Copy !req
1325. With Titties On Top.
Copy !req
1326. - Can I see Stu?
- Just a sec-
Copy !req
1327. Yeah.
Copy !req
1328. Stu, I need you.
It's important.
Copy !req
1329. I'm Dr. Charlie Logan.
Copy !req
1330. I don't know who this Stu
is you speak of.
Copy !req
1331. Call me.
Copy !req
1332. I need your help.
Copy !req
1333. Hey, are we still friends?
Copy !req
1334. Cam is going to fall in love with
and get married
Copy !req
1335. to the next guy she goes
on a date with, right?
Copy !req
1336. I'm going to be that next guy.
Copy !req
1337. Yeah.
You're a plastic surgeon.
Copy !req
1338. You're going to...
change my face up.
Copy !req
1339. I don't care if you
give me a beak.
Copy !req
1340. I'm going to look
like a different guy.
Copy !req
1341. That way,
when I meet her-
Copy !req
1342. Hi. My name's Ronald-
Copy !req
1343. I'm the new guy
she falls in love with.
Copy !req
1344. Let's go. Right now.
Copy !req
1345. Don't look at me
in that tone of voice.
Copy !req
1346. I'm talking the truth.
Please?
Copy !req
1347. Chuck...
Copy !req
1348. take a look around, man.
Copy !req
1349. I mean, I can give you tits.
You want tits?
Copy !req
1350. So you're
not going to help me.
Copy !req
1351. Yes, but not by
rearranging your face, man.
Copy !req
1352. Come here. Have a seat.
Copy !req
1353. There's got to be
a better way, right?
Copy !req
1354. I mean, I know
things are bad now,
Copy !req
1355. but things could be
a lot worse, right?
Copy !req
1356. Listen, you could be
like my cousin, man.
Copy !req
1357. He found out last week
Copy !req
1358. he's got an inoperable
brain tumor.
Copy !req
1359. That's horrible.
Copy !req
1360. Yeah.
Copy !req
1361. He's only got, like,
one week left to live.
Copy !req
1362. That is...
Copy !req
1363. perfect.
Copy !req
1364. That's perfect.
He's the perfect guy for her.
Copy !req
1365. What?
Copy !req
1366. Yeah.
There's no harm, right?
Copy !req
1367. He gets laid.
She falls in love.
Copy !req
1368. He's dead within a week.
Copy !req
1369. I swoop in, console her.
Copy !req
1370. Bing-bang-boom,
everybody's happy.
Copy !req
1371. Hey!
Copy !req
1372. Why don't you club her
and have a wedding ceremony
Copy !req
1373. while she's knocked unconscious?
Copy !req
1374. That'd work!
Copy !req
1375. What the hell
is wrong with you?
Copy !req
1376. You have to let her go.
Copy !req
1377. That's the one thing
I can't do.
Copy !req
1378. - Next time I'll bring my suit.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1379. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1380. Oh, no. That's not good.
Copy !req
1381. No.
Copy !req
1382. It's over.
Copy !req
1383. That has to be George.
Copy !req
1384. George.
Copy !req
1385. Hey, George!
Copy !req
1386. - What's up, George?
- What?
Copy !req
1387. - How you doing, George?
- I'm not George.
Copy !req
1388. You're going to stay
away from Cam, all right?
Copy !req
1389. You're going to stay away
from Cam, you hear me?
Copy !req
1390. - You're George!
- Charlie!
Copy !req
1391. - I'm not George!
- Cam!
Copy !req
1392. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1393. I just met George.
He's a real jerk.
Copy !req
1394. You shouldn't like him.
I want to see you.
Copy !req
1395. Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!
Copy !req
1396. No!
Copy !req
1397. Falling.
Copy !req
1398. What is wrong with you?
Copy !req
1399. I'm being bitten!
Copy !req
1400. Does he have fish
in his pants?
Copy !req
1401. Oh, those fuckers
are vicious.
Copy !req
1402. Yeah? Well, they don't like it
Copy !req
1403. when someone disturbs
their environment.
Copy !req
1404. Time to go, buddy.
Copy !req
1405. I know I've been acting crazy,
but there's a reasonable-
Copy !req
1406. Let me guess, Charlie.
Copy !req
1407. You believe
you're a lucky charm,
Copy !req
1408. and you're afraid I'm going
to marry the next guy I date,
Copy !req
1409. so you've been smothering me
and attacking my friends.
Copy !req
1410. What about George, okay?
Copy !req
1411. What about your date with George?
Copy !req
1412. Wednesday night?
What big date with George?
Copy !req
1413. George is my hairdresser!
Copy !req
1414. Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I was eavesdropping.
Copy !req
1415. Are you really
Charlie Logan the lucky charm?
Copy !req
1416. Because... I was wondering-
Copy !req
1417. I can't. I'm sorry.
Cam, listen. Cam-
Copy !req
1418. - No. Charlie, I just don't think we can
do this anymore.
Copy !req
1419. - Don't say it!
Copy !req
1420. - It's not working.
- Please, Cam.
Copy !req
1421. Please, just don't say it's over.
Copy !req
1422. It's over.
Copy !req
1423. Dr. Charlie?
Copy !req
1424. Hi, Reba.
Copy !req
1425. I've been
calling you all day.
Copy !req
1426. Where have you been?
Copy !req
1427. Decided to take
another day off.
Copy !req
1428. Hey, does our building
have roof access?
Copy !req
1429. Oh, things can't be that bad.
Copy !req
1430. You know, I owe you a thank-you.
Copy !req
1431. I met a guy, and he's wonderful.
Copy !req
1432. I really think he's the one.
Copy !req
1433. That's great.
I'm happy for you.
Copy !req
1434. You've done a good thing,
Dr. Charlie.
Copy !req
1435. Helping people find love.
Copy !req
1436. It's great.
Copy !req
1437. I bet you didn't think
you'd be responsible
Copy !req
1438. for helping me
find true love again,
Copy !req
1439. but you did.
Copy !req
1440. You did, Dr. Charlie.
Copy !req
1441. Dr. Charlie, are you all right?
Copy !req
1442. Love fall like rain.
I'm in pain.
Copy !req
1443. She was right, Reba.
Copy !req
1444. It's raining.
Copy !req
1445. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1446. Stu, I need
to Google something.
Copy !req
1447. Unacceptable!
Copy !req
1448. Hey!
Copy !req
1449. I wish I hadn't seen that!
Copy !req
1450. A man can't masturbate
in his own house?
Copy !req
1451. That is disgusting.
Copy !req
1452. It's a known fact
Copy !req
1453. that stimulation
of the prostate-
Copy !req
1454. No, no, no, no.
Just get dressed
Copy !req
1455. and wash your hands!
Copy !req
1456. All I know is that I'm hexed.
Copy !req
1457. Yeah. If by hexed
you mean bat-shit crazy,
Copy !req
1458. then yeah,
you're hexed, man.
Copy !req
1459. Don't you remember?
Copy !req
1460. Black lipstick,
long fingernails. A total freak.
Copy !req
1461. She wanted me
to show her my penis.
Copy !req
1462. I wouldn't,
so she pulled my nipples
Copy !req
1463. and put a hex on me.
Copy !req
1464. Stu, I've lost the most
special person of my life.
Copy !req
1465. I have to break this spell.
Copy !req
1466. You haven't lost me, dude.
Copy !req
1467. I'm here for you always.
Copy !req
1468. Just drive the fucking car.
Copy !req
1469. Oh, I'm so sorry, buddy.
Copy !req
1470. Hey, what's up with Chester?
Copy !req
1471. His girlfriend Molly's sick.
Copy !req
1472. I sent her away for treatment.
Copy !req
1473. He stopped grooming himself.
Copy !req
1474. It's heartbreaking, you know?
Copy !req
1475. If she doesn't come back,
Copy !req
1476. he may never find another mate.
Copy !req
1477. Murphy, maybe
you reacted too harshly.
Copy !req
1478. You should call him.
Copy !req
1479. I can't, Joe.
Copy !req
1480. You saw him.
He's crazy.
Copy !req
1481. Love does that
to you sometimes.
Copy !req
1482. I don't want another one
of your philosophy lessons, Joe.
Copy !req
1483. He was smothering me.
Copy !req
1484. I want to be part of someone's life,
Copy !req
1485. not all of it.
Copy !req
1486. Have you taken a look
at your bedroom lately?
Copy !req
1487. If you love something,
Copy !req
1488. sometimes you just want
to be surrounded by it.
Copy !req
1489. That's it. That's it.
Copy !req
1490. How can I get her
to break the spell?
Copy !req
1491. I don't know. She wanted to look
at your penis, right?
Copy !req
1492. That was a joke.
Copy !req
1493. Chuck?
Copy !req
1494. Chuck, that was a joke.
Copy !req
1495. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1496. Hi. Is your mother home?
Copy !req
1497. Is your mother's name Anisha?
Copy !req
1498. What's with the 50 questions?
Copy !req
1499. That was two questions.
Copy !req
1500. It's a hyperbole.
Copy !req
1501. Sweetheart, who is it?
Copy !req
1502. Are you Anisha Carpenter?
Copy !req
1503. Do I know you?
Copy !req
1504. Charlie Logan.
Copy !req
1505. Look, I know this is
going to sound crazy,
Copy !req
1506. but you put a hex on me
Copy !req
1507. so that all my girlfriends
Copy !req
1508. would fall in love
with other people,
Copy !req
1509. and I need you...
Copy !req
1510. to reverse the spell?
Copy !req
1511. Woo! That-
That's your pendant.
Copy !req
1512. You used to wear that!
Copy !req
1513. You wore it at the party
when you pulled out my hair
Copy !req
1514. and did the- with the thing.
Copy !req
1515. And then you wanted
to see my penis,
Copy !req
1516. and I said no.
Copy !req
1517. Go to your room, Lila.
Lock the door.
Copy !req
1518. But this is just getting good.
Copy !req
1519. Now.
Copy !req
1520. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1521. What can I do to convince you
to help me?
Copy !req
1522. This spell-
turn it off, please.
Copy !req
1523. Charlie, I was just a kid.
Copy !req
1524. I didn't know
what I was doing.
Copy !req
1525. I don't even know
what I did.
Copy !req
1526. You fucked up my life!
Copy !req
1527. That's what you did.
Copy !req
1528. I asked you
to watch your language.
Copy !req
1529. Your room. Now.
Copy !req
1530. Anisha, I am begging you.
Copy !req
1531. Have you ever wanted
someone so badly
Copy !req
1532. that you would do anything
to get them?
Copy !req
1533. If someone's
meant to be yours,
Copy !req
1534. eventually they will be.
Copy !req
1535. No.
Wait. No!
Copy !req
1536. If you think
that by me being here,
Copy !req
1537. we're supposed
to get together-
Copy !req
1538. I wasn't talking about you.
Copy !req
1539. My husband Kurt.
Copy !req
1540. Really, Charlie, I was 10.
Copy !req
1541. I may have thought
I was in love,
Copy !req
1542. but I was also hot
for Scott Baio.
Copy !req
1543. So-
Copy !req
1544. I've blown it.
Copy !req
1545. Well, then,
all you can do is let her go.
Copy !req
1546. Yeah, dude!
Copy !req
1547. You're my hero!
Copy !req
1548. How was she?
Copy !req
1549. Take me home.
Copy !req
1550. I'm not that easy, man.
Copy !req
1551. You're going to have to
take me to dinner first.
Copy !req
1552. You little munchkin.
Copy !req
1553. I have to set her free,
Copy !req
1554. let Mother Nature
take its course.
Copy !req
1555. If you love something,
set it free, right?
Copy !req
1556. I think Cam is really
going to respond
Copy !req
1557. to the new gay you,
Chuck.
Copy !req
1558. Take me home.
Copy !req
1559. I got a phone call to make.
Copy !req
1560. Hi. I'm trying to find
Howard Blaine.
Copy !req
1561. Hi, Howard.
Copy !req
1562. Um, we've never met,
Copy !req
1563. but I have a friend
that you really need to meet.
Copy !req
1564. Howard?
Copy !req
1565. Eat me.
Copy !req
1566. Eat me.
Copy !req
1567. Gotcha.
Copy !req
1568. Owned.
Copy !req
1569. Owned.
Copy !req
1570. I'm getting married!
Copy !req
1571. Chuck! I found my dream girl,
Copy !req
1572. and it's all because
of you I just proposed.
Copy !req
1573. Lara, get your sweet ass
over here.
Copy !req
1574. You remember Lara?
Copy !req
1575. Lara stepped out of heaven-
Copy !req
1576. and into my office
to correct a condition.
Copy !req
1577. She's got polymastia.
Copy !req
1578. Has more than two boobs.
Copy !req
1579. Isn't that perfect for me?
Show him.
Copy !req
1580. No, no.
Copy !req
1581. No, no, that's okay.
Copy !req
1582. Really. I don't mind.
Copy !req
1583. Yeah, I used to be
embarrassed about it,
Copy !req
1584. but that was before
pookie pants here
Copy !req
1585. made me realize
how special I am.
Copy !req
1586. Oh, baby,
you're so goddamn special.
Copy !req
1587. Oh, I love you, monkey pie.
Copy !req
1588. - Okay, show him.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1589. Is that or is that not
Copy !req
1590. the most beautiful sight
you've ever seen in your life?
Copy !req
1591. It's like seeing
the Grand Canyon for the first time.
Copy !req
1592. It's like seeing Earth
from space.
Copy !req
1593. Like Three's Company,
Copy !req
1594. but all Chrissies,
you know what I'm saying?
Copy !req
1595. I'm happy for you, buddy.
Copy !req
1596. But, dude, that's not
why we came, okay?
Copy !req
1597. Did you know that it smells
like shit in here?
Copy !req
1598. You may want to open a window.
Copy !req
1599. It's making me a little-
Copy !req
1600. Okay, you tell him, baby.
Copy !req
1601. Okay, so I'm friends with Katie,
who knows Cam,
Copy !req
1602. and she said that Cam
said she's leaving today
Copy !req
1603. for Antarctica
with some penguin guru.
Copy !req
1604. That's nice.
I'm happy for her.
Copy !req
1605. You sure as shit
don't look happy.
Copy !req
1606. I loved something,
and I set her free.
Copy !req
1607. She met somebody else.
Copy !req
1608. But I set her free.
That's what's important.
Copy !req
1609. She's leaving, buddy...
Copy !req
1610. for Antarctica...
Copy !req
1611. right now.
Copy !req
1612. She is going.
Copy !req
1613. She's going.
Copy !req
1614. She's... leaving.
Copy !req
1615. What the fuck am I doing?
Copy !req
1616. That's what we're saying!
Copy !req
1617. Go!
Go get your girl, will you?
Copy !req
1618. He's a little slow.
Copy !req
1619. Excuse me.
I'm sorry, guys.
Copy !req
1620. Ma'am, excuse me.
Copy !req
1621. Has the flight for
Antarctica boarded yet?
Copy !req
1622. There are no direct flights, sir.
Copy !req
1623. Connecting flight?
Copy !req
1624. Which one?
There are two.
Copy !req
1625. Has the flight
Copy !req
1626. with a passenger
named Cam Wexler boarded yet?
Copy !req
1627. Sorry, sir.
Can't give you that information.
Copy !req
1628. Sir, you won't be able to go
to the gate without a ticket.
Copy !req
1629. I have to get
to Antarctica,
Copy !req
1630. so I will take a ticket
for both planes.
Copy !req
1631. There are only first class
tickets available, sir.
Copy !req
1632. Of course there are.
I'll take them both.
Copy !req
1633. Are you traveling
with any baggage?
Copy !req
1634. No.
Copy !req
1635. No.
Copy !req
1636. You do realize
that it's -60 degrees there.
Copy !req
1637. Yes.
Copy !req
1638. And that'll be $17,412.
Copy !req
1639. Just do it.
Copy !req
1640. Here you go.
Copy !req
1641. Shoes, belt, watch.
Copy !req
1642. You've never been
to an airport, dummy?
Copy !req
1643. What goes in pockets?
Copy !req
1644. Change.
Copy !req
1645. Change.
Change goes in pockets.
Copy !req
1646. Put it in the little bucket.
Copy !req
1647. Don't waste
my big bucket.
Copy !req
1648. No.
Small bucket!
Copy !req
1649. I don't need it.
Copy !req
1650. Want to make this quick?
Copy !req
1651. I am in a real hurry.
Copy !req
1652. Let's do this.
Take your pants off.
Copy !req
1653. What?
Copy !req
1654. You heard me.
Take your pants off.
Copy !req
1655. I'm kidding you, weirdo.
Don't do that.
Copy !req
1656. Why would you do that?
Copy !req
1657. Come on, let's go.
Copy !req
1658. Go, go, go.
Copy !req
1659. Cam.
Copy !req
1660. Wait!
One more! Here.
Copy !req
1661. I meant to do that.
Copy !req
1662. Here.
Copy !req
1663. Thanks.
Copy !req
1664. Charlie?
Copy !req
1665. I'm sorry.
Please don't be mad.
Copy !req
1666. Antarctica? You couldn't have
just taken her to a movie?
Copy !req
1667. Charlie-
Copy !req
1668. Look, I know that it's
crazy that I'm here,
Copy !req
1669. but it felt even crazier
not to come.
Copy !req
1670. Excuse me.
You have to take your seats.
Copy !req
1671. Charlie-
Copy !req
1672. My entire life,
Copy !req
1673. I've been nothing more
than a stepping-stone
Copy !req
1674. to every relationship
I've ever been in.
Copy !req
1675. There's always been a next guy
who's better than me.
Copy !req
1676. For once in my life,
I want to be that next guy.
Copy !req
1677. I've never said this
to anybody in my whole life.
Copy !req
1678. Cam...
Copy !req
1679. I love you.
Copy !req
1680. I love you, Cam.
Copy !req
1681. Please don't go.
Copy !req
1682. Charlie, I'm coming back
on Wednesday.
Copy !req
1683. What?
Copy !req
1684. Yeah.
Copy !req
1685. But Howard and-
Copy !req
1686. Have you met
Howard's wife Marilyn?
Copy !req
1687. Howard's wife?
Copy !req
1688. Howard's wife.
Copy !req
1689. Hi.
Copy !req
1690. Hi, Howard's wife.
Copy !req
1691. Howard's wife.
Copy !req
1692. I know about your call
to Howard.
Copy !req
1693. I knew you wanted to meet him.
Copy !req
1694. I knew it would make you happy.
Copy !req
1695. I swear that's all
I've ever wanted to do.
Copy !req
1696. Plus, mate selection
is up to the female.
Copy !req
1697. But, Charlie,
you've been acting so-
Copy !req
1698. I know, I know.
Idiotic, nuts.
Copy !req
1699. And no more lucky charm excuse.
Copy !req
1700. I'm done thinking
about the past and what could be.
Copy !req
1701. All I care about now is what is.
Copy !req
1702. And this-
Copy !req
1703. This is.
Copy !req
1704. Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
1705. we are about to close
the cabin doors.
Copy !req
1706. Please take your seats.
Copy !req
1707. That's for you.
Copy !req
1708. Here.
Copy !req
1709. Charlie!
Copy !req
1710. Excuse me, are you that guy who-
Copy !req
1711. He isn't anymore.
Copy !req
1712. Excuse me.
Copy !req
1713. Giggle monkey,
what are you looking for?
Copy !req
1714. Sex tapes.
Copy !req
1715. What is the point in house sitting
if you can't scope out
Copy !req
1716. some good old-fashioned
homemade porn!
Copy !req
1717. - Score!
- You're a genius.
Copy !req
1718. Okay.
Copy !req
1719. Hold on.
Copy !req
1720. Do it. Do it. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1721. Babe.
Copy !req
1722. Yeah, what?
Copy !req
1723. Oh, you like that.
Copy !req
1724. You like when I do
stuff with the-
Copy !req
1725. All right. I'll do it
for just one last time.
Copy !req
1726. This is it.
Copy !req
1727. Okay.
Copy !req
1728. Because I'm not
into bestiality,
Copy !req
1729. and you know that.
That's documented.
Copy !req
1730. No, I know. It's fake.
Copy !req
1731. All right.
Copy !req
1732. But it's hot.
Copy !req
1733. Okay.
Copy !req
1734. Hey. So, uh...
Copy !req
1735. so do you want to-
Copy !req
1736. You come to this
glacier often?
Copy !req
1737. I'm really interested in you
because you're a Gentoo soul.
Copy !req
1738. You like that?
Copy !req
1739. Yeah, I like that.
Do it faster.
Copy !req
1740. You like... when I do that?
Copy !req
1741. You ever seen me
go down on a-
Copy !req
1742. Shh. It's okay. No, no.
Copy !req
1743. Baby, baby, don't worry.
Copy !req
1744. Yeah, I like that.
Copy !req
1745. You like that, don't you?
Copy !req
1746. Yeah.
Copy !req
1747. Oh, that's so hot.
Copy !req
1748. Shh. No more "Uhh. "
No more "Uhh. "
Copy !req
1749. Do it. Yeah.
Copy !req
1750. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1751. That's really good.
Copy !req
1752. Okay, now do the other thing.
Copy !req
1753. Do the other thing.
Copy !req
1754. Look at me. Here's
really what you like.
Copy !req
1755. Yeah, you know what I like.
Copy !req
1756. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm really
getting in the mood now.
Copy !req
1757. You like when I eat
your penguin ass?
Copy !req
1758. Yeah. Baby,
I think I'm ready.
Copy !req
1759. Turn it off, baby.
Copy !req
1760. You still in the mood?
Copy !req
1761. Yeah.
Copy !req
1762. All right.
Copy !req
1763. Subtitled by J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
Copy !req