1. - Exiting time knot now, sir.
- We're alive.Copy !req
2. We made it, Commander. We made it.Copy !req
3. By Grabthar's hammer,
we live to tell the tale.Copy !req
4. Systems register functional.Copy !req
5. All systems are working, Commander.Copy !req
6. I don't like it. It was too easy.Copy !req
7. Wait! Oh, no. They're everywhere!Copy !req
8. There are time knots
opening everywhere!Copy !req
9. - A trap!
- We're surrounded, Commander.Copy !req
10. It's a core meltdown, sir.
It can't be stopped.Copy !req
11. Surrender may be our only option.Copy !req
12. No! Never give up! Never surrender!Copy !req
13. Your orders, sir?Copy !req
14. Sir? Your orders?Copy !req
15. Activate the Omega 13.Copy !req
16. Well?Copy !req
17. Well, there you are. Yeah!Copy !req
18. Yeah! Yeah,
that's what I'm talking about!Copy !req
19. You are the first people to seeCopy !req
20. the lost Galaxy Quest
episode 92 two-parterCopy !req
21. since it was originally aired in 1982!Copy !req
22. Yeah! All right.Copy !req
23. Now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.Copy !req
24. The intrepid crew
of the NSEA Protector! Yeah!Copy !req
25. Red scarf, black shoes. Wait.Copy !req
26. White scarf, black buttons,
white shoes...Copy !req
27. Man, where the hell is he?
An hour and a half late?Copy !req
28. - An hour and a half.
- I mean, this is unreal.Copy !req
29. They're gonna start
eating each other out there.Copy !req
30. Did you hear? He booked
another appearance without us.Copy !req
31. You're kidding!Copy !req
32. - How did I come to this?
- Not again.Copy !req
33. - I played Richard the Third.
- Five curtain calls.Copy !req
34. There were five curtain calls.
I was an actor once,Copy !req
35. damn it, now look at me. Look at me!Copy !req
36. I can't go out there, and I won't
say that stupid line one more time!Copy !req
37. - I can't, I won't.
- Well, Alex, at least you had a part.Copy !req
38. Okay? You had
a character people loved.Copy !req
39. I mean, my TV Guide interview
was six paragraphs about my boobsCopy !req
40. and how they fit into my suit.Copy !req
41. No one even bothered to ask me
what I do on the show.Copy !req
42. You had the... Wait. Wait, I'll think of it.Copy !req
43. I repeated the computer, Fred.Copy !req
44. Your commander is on deck!Copy !req
45. Wow, that smog is thick today, huh?Copy !req
46. Am I too late
for Alexander's panic attack?Copy !req
47. Apparently not. You know,
you should get that looked at. Yeah.Copy !req
48. Let's take a look at a few more clips.Copy !req
49. Okay. What did I do?Copy !req
50. What?Copy !req
51. - We want the crew!
- For those four seasons,Copy !req
52. we developed
the same affection for the crewCopy !req
53. as the crew had for each other.Copy !req
54. I mean, these weren't just adventurers
exploring space. These were friends.Copy !req
55. - Unbelievable.
- You are so full of it, man!Copy !req
56. It's not a big deal. These guys put
a little set in their basement.Copy !req
57. I'm there about an hour.Copy !req
58. It's nothing, Gwen.
They wanted the Commander.Copy !req
59. - There he goes.
- Alexander, wait! Grab him! Grab him!Copy !req
60. - We want the crew!
- We want the crew!Copy !req
61. Okay! Yeah! Here we go!Copy !req
62. - Come on, old friend, old friend.
- Friend?Copy !req
63. You stole all my best lines,
you cut me out of episode two entirely!Copy !req
64. Tawny Madison, my personal favorite,
Gwen DeMarco!Copy !req
65. Yeah!Copy !req
66. It's getting hotter, Commander.Copy !req
67. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!Copy !req
68. Let's hear a warm welcome for
crack gunner Laredo, Tommy Webber!Copy !req
69. - You will go out there!
- I won't.Copy !req
70. - And nothing you say will make me.
- The show must go on.Copy !req
71. Freddie Kwan!Copy !req
72. Damn you.Copy !req
73. Damn you. I won't say
that stupid line one more time.Copy !req
74. Tev'Meck, Alexander Dane!Copy !req
75. Yeah! All right!Copy !req
76. By Grabthar's hammer,
you shall be avenged!Copy !req
77. Yeah! All right!Copy !req
78. That guy can act.Copy !req
79. And finally, my fellow Questerians,Copy !req
80. the brave commander
of the NSEA Protector,Copy !req
81. Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter...Copy !req
82. Quincy, Quincy, Quincy, Quincy...Copy !req
83. Taggart, Taggart, Taggart, Taggart...Copy !req
84. Jason Nesmith!Copy !req
85. Yeah! All right!Copy !req
86. We love you, Commander!Copy !req
87. - Never give up.
- Never give up.Copy !req
88. - Never surrender!
- Never surrender!Copy !req
89. - Damn the resonance cannons,
- Damn the resonance cannons,Copy !req
90. - full speed ahead!
- full speed ahead!Copy !req
91. The Commander and his crew
will be signing autographsCopy !req
92. on imperial decks C and B
near the Coke machines.Copy !req
93. Quest forever, man!Copy !req
94. Excuse me, pardon me,
crew member coming through.Copy !req
95. - Fans, right? Hey, Gwen.
- Hey, man.Copy !req
96. I want to thank you for that nice intro
you gave us today.Copy !req
97. Guy. Probably don't remember me,
do you? It's the sunglasses, right?Copy !req
98. I was on the show in '82, episode 81.Copy !req
99. Got killed by a lava monster
before the first commercial.Copy !req
100. Listen, maybe I could sit in
and sign a couple of autographs?Copy !req
101. By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons
of Warvan, I shall avenge you!Copy !req
102. By Grabthar's...Copy !req
103. Next.Copy !req
104. Had I moved an inch to the left,
the beast would have killed me.Copy !req
105. On the other hand,
my crew was in danger.Copy !req
106. How did you know what to do?Copy !req
107. Come on! Without my crew,
I'm not a commander, huh?Copy !req
108. I think we all remember what happened
to that beast on Enok Vll, right?Copy !req
109. You've got to admit,
they really do love him.Copy !req
110. Yeah, almost as much
as he loves himself.Copy !req
111. Excuse me, Commander. Hey!Copy !req
112. I was wondering if you could help
settle the disputeCopy !req
113. that my crew and I seem to be having.Copy !req
114. if you remember,
in "Quasar Dilemma"...Copy !req
115. Excuse me for a minute, fellas.Copy !req
116. Hadn't even gotten to
the relevant conundrum.Copy !req
117. In episode 15, "Mist of Delos V,"Copy !req
118. I got the feeling that you
and the Commander kind of had a thing.Copy !req
119. Did you?Copy !req
120. No. The Commander and l
never had a thing.Copy !req
121. Well, that's her story.Copy !req
122. Excuse me.Copy !req
123. Gwen.Copy !req
124. Gwen!Copy !req
125. - Commander.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
126. I must speak to you.
It is a matter of supreme importance.Copy !req
127. We are Thermians
from the Klatu NebulaCopy !req
128. and we need your help.Copy !req
129. Is this about that gig tomorrow?Copy !req
130. Just hammer out the details
with my agent,Copy !req
131. and make sure
there's a limo at my house.Copy !req
132. Last time I did one of these gigs,
they shoved me in the back of a Toyota.Copy !req
133. Remember, mum's the word.Copy !req
134. Certainly, but...Copy !req
135. - Mum.
- Mum.Copy !req
136. Here, and beautiful!Copy !req
137. Crewman Madison,
the mist of this strange planetCopy !req
138. is filling my head with such thoughts.Copy !req
139. It was cute when I didn't know you.Copy !req
140. What a freak show, man.
This is hilarious.Copy !req
141. Bunch of losers! Begging
for autographs at 15 bucks a pop.Copy !req
142. These guys haven't had a real acting
job for 20 years. This is all they've got.Copy !req
143. And did you check out Nesmith?Copy !req
144. - He actually gets off on those retards...
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
145. thinking he's a space commander!Copy !req
146. - And his friends...
- I know, they can't stand him!Copy !req
147. Did you hear them ragging
on him in there?Copy !req
148. Dude, he has no idea
he's a laughingstock,Copy !req
149. even to his buddies.Copy !req
150. - He's pathetic!
- Come on, come on.Copy !req
151. The Galaxy Quest dancers
are almost on.Copy !req
152. Full speed ahead, Lieutenant.Copy !req
153. Hey, Commander,Copy !req
154. so as I was saying
in "The Quasar Dilemma,"Copy !req
155. remember, you used
the auxiliary deck B for...Copy !req
156. Can you get this?
Deck B for gamma override.Copy !req
157. The thing is that
online blueprints clearly indicate thatCopy !req
158. deck B is independent
of the guidance matrix.Copy !req
159. So we were wondering,
just where the error lies in that?Copy !req
160. It's just a television show.
That's all, okay?Copy !req
161. Right, but... 'Cause we were wondering
if the quantum flux, nowjust listen...Copy !req
162. There is no quantum flux.
There's no auxiliary.Copy !req
163. There's no goddamn ship!Copy !req
164. You got it?Copy !req
165. I mean it. I mean it, Alex.Copy !req
166. I've never seen him lose it like that.
Not to a fan.Copy !req
167. I mean, it was just weird.Copy !req
168. Gwen, I have said it for years.Copy !req
169. He's mentally unstable.Copy !req
170. l... I'm worried. It just was not like him.Copy !req
171. As long as there is injustice,Copy !req
172. whenever a Targathian baby cries out,Copy !req
173. wherever a distress signal sounds,Copy !req
174. - among the stars...
- Among the stars...Copy !req
175. we'll be there.Copy !req
176. - This fine ship and this fine crew.
- This fine ship and this fine crew.Copy !req
177. - Never give up.
- Never give up.Copy !req
178. - Never surrender.
- Never surrender.Copy !req
179. Can I help you?Copy !req
180. Sir, I understand this is a terrible breach
in protocol...Copy !req
181. - You shouldn't come to my house, man.
- Please, I beg you to hear our plea.Copy !req
182. We are Thermians
from the Klatu Nebula.Copy !req
183. Our people are being systematically
hunted and slaughteredCopy !req
184. by Roth'h'ar Sarris of Fatu-Krey.Copy !req
185. We are to meet in negotiation.Copy !req
186. However, our efforts in this regard
have been disastrous.Copy !req
187. Please, Commander.
You are our last hope.Copy !req
188. - We have secured our limousine.
- What?Copy !req
189. It's the thing for the thing that's...Copy !req
190. Maybe I should get some pants on.Copy !req
191. Come on in.Copy !req
192. Commander, I must say that
standing here in your presenceCopy !req
193. is the greatest honor we could ever
have hoped to achieve in our lifetime.Copy !req
194. That's... I really appreciate that.Copy !req
195. Would you guys look for another shoe
that looks like this, please?Copy !req
196. Sir, I am Lahnk,
senior requisition officer.Copy !req
197. Before we travel to the ship, please let
me know if you have any requirements.Copy !req
198. Weapons, documents, personnel.Copy !req
199. A Coca-Cola, do you have one of those?Copy !req
200. Sir, I am Teb.Copy !req
201. I would like to explain the history
between our peopleCopy !req
202. and the Sarris dominion
in greater detail.Copy !req
203. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
204. In the five million years following
the Great Nebula Burst,Copy !req
205. our people were one...Copy !req
206. What's your name?Copy !req
207. - Doesn't she talk?
- Her translator is broken.Copy !req
208. Okey-dokey.Copy !req
209. You know, guys, I had a late night
with a Kreemorian fangor beast,Copy !req
210. so I'm gonna just shut my eyes for a bit.Copy !req
211. Go on. You know? I'm listening
to everything you say, okay?Copy !req
212. In the five million years following
the Great Nebula Burst,Copy !req
213. our people were one people.Copy !req
214. But then came the Zactor Migration,
and then the Melosian ShiftCopy !req
215. and a dark period of discontent
spread through the land.Copy !req
216. Fighting among Treeb sects
and Largoths. The foolishness!Copy !req
217. And it was in this time
of dissension that Sarris...Copy !req
218. Commander. Commander?Copy !req
219. I'm sorry to wake you, sir,Copy !req
220. but your presence is requested
on the command deck.Copy !req
221. Sir, Sarris has moved the deadline.Copy !req
222. We are approaching his ship
at the Ni-Delta now.Copy !req
223. He wants an answer to his proposal.
I understand...Copy !req
224. I got most of it in the car.
Sarris is the bad guy, right?Copy !req
225. Oh, yes, sir.
He's a very bad man indeed.Copy !req
226. He has tortured our scientists,Copy !req
227. put us to work
in the gallium arsenide mines,Copy !req
228. captured our females
for his own demented purposes...Copy !req
229. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got the picture.Copy !req
230. Do you have pages
or just want me to wing this?Copy !req
231. I am not sure I understand you.Copy !req
232. Commander, welcome
to the Protector Two.Copy !req
233. - Good to see you.
- Would you like to don your uniform?Copy !req
234. No, you know what? I'd like to skip that.Copy !req
235. I got this gig in Van Nuys in about
a quarter of an hour. Is that all right?Copy !req
236. - As you wish.
- Sir, it's Sarris. He's here.Copy !req
237. General, I have just received wordCopy !req
238. the Thermians have appointed
a new commanderCopy !req
239. to handle the negotiations.Copy !req
240. What?Copy !req
241. This is great. You know, usually
it's just cardboard walls in a garage.Copy !req
242. Sir, we apologize
for operating in low-power mode,Copy !req
243. but we are experiencing
a reflective flux fieldCopy !req
244. this close to the galactic axis.Copy !req
245. You know, what I could use is
a cup holder and a couple ofAdvil.Copy !req
246. We're approaching in five ticks, sir.
Command to slow?Copy !req
247. Set it on screensaver two.Copy !req
248. I guess, we, you know, got to...Copy !req
249. I'm sorry to break up the mood here.Copy !req
250. Slow it down to mark two, Lieutenant.Copy !req
251. I see fear. That is expected.Copy !req
252. - They bring a new commander.
- It's good.Copy !req
253. - Here are my demands.
- Scary. I mean, you know, it looks...Copy !req
254. - And if I do not hear what I like,
- ... real.Copy !req
255. then there will be blood and pain
as you cannot imagine!Copy !req
256. - First...
- Backwash.Copy !req
257. I require the Omega 13.Copy !req
258. Second, I will require a technician...Copy !req
259. Okey-dokey! Okey-dokey!
Let's fire blue particle cannons full,Copy !req
260. red particle cannons full,Copy !req
261. gannet magnets, fire them left and right
and let them run all chutes.Copy !req
262. And while you're at it,
why don't you toss that at them, killer?Copy !req
263. That should take care
of old lobster head, shouldn't it?Copy !req
264. Yeah.Copy !req
265. Commander, where are you going?Copy !req
266. - Home.
- You mean Earth?Copy !req
267. Yeah, Earth.
I need to get back to Earth, kids.Copy !req
268. But the negotiations, you fired on him.Copy !req
269. Yeah. Yeah. Long live...
What was your planet called?Copy !req
270. - Thermia.
- Long live Thermia. This way?Copy !req
271. What if Sarris survives?Copy !req
272. - I doubt it. We gave him both barrels.
- He has a very powerful ship.Copy !req
273. if you got any more problems
with the guy,Copy !req
274. just, you know, give me a call.Copy !req
275. - An interstellar vox.
- A what? Hey.Copy !req
276. How can we thank you, Commander?Copy !req
277. You have saved our people.Copy !req
278. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
279. You know, you kids have been great.
You really have.Copy !req
280. This thing is real-looking.Copy !req
281. Yoo-hoo. Hello?Copy !req
282. Hey! Where's my limo?Copy !req
283. Take it from us,
we've been all over the universe.Copy !req
284. But we've never seen space-age
values like we've seen here at...Copy !req
285. Tech Value Electronics Superstore!Copy !req
286. By Grabthar's hammer,Copy !req
287. what a savings.Copy !req
288. All right! Yeah, let's hear it
for the NSEA Protector.Copy !req
289. Vacuum laser...Copy !req
290. What, no, no, no, no.
You've got it all wrong.Copy !req
291. Yes, if he's down in the Omega 13...Copy !req
292. - Brandon, are you okay?
- Commander! My apologies.Copy !req
293. You know, evidently we had
a little miscommunicationCopy !req
294. regarding the voyage.
You didn't show up.Copy !req
295. - He...
- He did it again.Copy !req
296. Do you know what time it is?Copy !req
297. Why do you even bother
to show up at all?Copy !req
298. No, no, no, no. Guys, I was there.Copy !req
299. I was up there.Copy !req
300. Remember yesterday at the convention,
those people dressed like aliens?Copy !req
301. They were aliens.
They were Termites or Dalmatians.Copy !req
302. I can't really remember
'cause I was kind of hung-over.Copy !req
303. But what they built was extraordinary.
It was a huge spaceship.Copy !req
304. I got to fight this guy named Sarris
and I kicked his ass!Copy !req
305. I know what you're thinking.
But I can prove it. They gave me this.Copy !req
306. No, no, no, no, no. But can you
talk to people in space on those?Copy !req
307. Protector, this is the Commander. Over.Copy !req
308. - Oh, for God's sake.
- That's it. It's time to go!Copy !req
309. This isn't mine.Copy !req
310. That kid. Where's that kid?Copy !req
311. Begging your pardon, Commander,
we come with news. Sarris lives.Copy !req
312. - He was able upon your departure...
- Listen.Copy !req
313. - ... to make an escape.
- Tell them.Copy !req
314. - However, he has contacted us...
- Sarris.Copy !req
315. and wishes to negotiate a surrender.Copy !req
316. We humbly implore you to come
and negotiate the terms.Copy !req
317. They want me back?
You want me back?Copy !req
318. Is this amazing? They want me back,Copy !req
319. and I want you guys
to go with me, please.Copy !req
320. Don't even think about it. Let's go. Yes!Copy !req
321. You're going? Alexander, this is not...
I'm not kidding here!Copy !req
322. This isn't some kind of prank!
I'm not kidding. Guys, guys, listen.Copy !req
323. Come on. Gwen, Gwen, Gwen, Gwen.
Stop, come here.Copy !req
324. You know me.
I'm a lot of things, but am I crazy?Copy !req
325. You know,
it's one thing to treat us this way.Copy !req
326. It's another thing to do it to your fans.Copy !req
327. She's not a fan! This is a Termite!Copy !req
328. You should've just let me hit him.Copy !req
329. Boy, I didn't know
you could get that loaded.Copy !req
330. I think we should've just taken the gig.Copy !req
331. I mean, who knows
the next time he'll ask us.Copy !req
332. Fred, he was drunk. Do you really
think he was talking about a job?Copy !req
333. But you live with your mother.Copy !req
334. - Did Jason come through here?
- Yeah, he's in there. Hey, guys.Copy !req
335. We are coming, too.Copy !req
336. - All of you wish to go to the ship?
- Yes, we wish to go to the ship.Copy !req
337. You see, we work together, or not at all.Copy !req
338. Wonderful. The Commander
had me continue transmissionCopy !req
339. in case you changed your mind.Copy !req
340. - Protector, requesting four interstellar...
- Me, too.Copy !req
341. Five pods for immediate departure.Copy !req
342. Guys. Guys?Copy !req
343. I look forward to meeting you all
in person when you arrive at the ship.Copy !req
344. End transmission.Copy !req
345. Oh, my God.Copy !req
346. Anybody got any change?Copy !req
347. Our most sincere apologies.Copy !req
348. We forgot about
our appearance generators.Copy !req
349. You guys came!
Who wants the grand tour?Copy !req
350. Anybody else?Copy !req
351. That was a hell of a thing.Copy !req
352. - What's wrong with them?
- I don't know. Come on.Copy !req
353. That's right, guys, just keep shaking
it off, it gets better.Copy !req
354. - Hey, try some gum. It helps.
- Where are we?Copy !req
355. The 23rd quadrant
of the Gamma sector.Copy !req
356. There's a map in the core room.
I'll show you, come on.Copy !req
357. - Welcome, my friends!
- This is Mathesar, he's their leader.Copy !req
358. I am Mathesar. On behalf of
all my people I wish to thank youCopy !req
359. - from the deepest place in our hearts.
- Mathesar, this is my crew.Copy !req
360. Dr. Lazarus.Copy !req
361. - Dr. Lazarus.
- Dr. Lazarus.Copy !req
362. Lieutenant Madison.Copy !req
363. - Lieutenant Madison.
- Lieutenant Madison.Copy !req
364. Young Laredo, how you've grown.Copy !req
365. - Young Laredo.
- Young Laredo.Copy !req
366. Tech Sergeant Chen.Copy !req
367. - Tech Sergeant Chen.
- Tech Sergeant Chen.Copy !req
368. Crewman number... Guy.Copy !req
369. - Guy.
- Guy.Copy !req
370. You know us?Copy !req
371. I don't believe there is a man, woman
or child on my planet who does not.Copy !req
372. For years since we first
received transmissionCopy !req
373. of your historical documents,Copy !req
374. we have studied every facet
of your missions and strategies.Copy !req
375. You've been watching the show?Copy !req
376. Lieutenant, historical documents.Copy !req
377. Historical documents from out here?Copy !req
378. Yes. The past 100 years,
our society had fallen into disarray.Copy !req
379. Our goals, our values had become
scattered, but since the transmission,Copy !req
380. we have modeled every aspect
of our society from your example,Copy !req
381. and it has saved us.Copy !req
382. Your courage and teamwork
and friendship through adversity.Copy !req
383. In fact, all you see around you
has been takenCopy !req
384. from the lessons garnered
from the historical documents.Copy !req
385. Is this a spaceship?Copy !req
386. No, this is a star port for the ship.Copy !req
387. Would you guys like to see the ship?Copy !req
388. Oh, my God!Copy !req
389. It's real.Copy !req
390. The generator room.Copy !req
391. The beryllium sphere, of course.Copy !req
392. And as we continue,
the medical quarters are to the left.Copy !req
393. We went to some trouble duplicating
your cellular regeneration system...Copy !req
394. - Jason, what have you got us into?
- What the hell is going on?Copy !req
395. - What are we doing here?
- Wow, the floors are so clean.Copy !req
396. We're just here to negotiate
this guy Sarris' surrender.Copy !req
397. It's no big deal.Copy !req
398. And the organ fabrication chamber
is coming along nicely.Copy !req
399. No big deal? Are you crazy?
We have to get out of here.Copy !req
400. - Come on, guys.
- Jason, we're actors, not astronauts.Copy !req
401. You guys want to go home?
You say the word, we'll go home.Copy !req
402. Pay our bills, feed our fish,Copy !req
403. fall asleep in front of the TV
and miss out on all this.Copy !req
404. Come on.
Do you guys want to do that? Anybody?Copy !req
405. Gwen, come on, think about it.
Look at where we are. We're in space.Copy !req
406. Alexander, this is the role of a lifetime.
You guys want to leave?Copy !req
407. We have enjoyed preparing
many of your esoteric dishes.Copy !req
408. Your Monte Cristo sandwich is
a current favorite of the adventurous.Copy !req
409. The main barracks.Copy !req
410. At ease.Copy !req
411. It's like throwing gasoline on a flame.Copy !req
412. What?Copy !req
413. I'm just jazzed about
being on the show, man.Copy !req
414. if you would all take your positions.Copy !req
415. Our what?Copy !req
416. Guys.Copy !req
417. Oh, my!Copy !req
418. Look, this thingy.Copy !req
419. I remember I had it all worked out.Copy !req
420. This is forward. This is back.Copy !req
421. Commander, some of
the crew has requestedCopy !req
422. to be present at this historic event.Copy !req
423. Sure. Bring them in.Copy !req
424. No pressure, huh?
I'm glad I ain't the Commander.Copy !req
425. Laredo, take us out.Copy !req
426. Excuse me?Copy !req
427. They designed those controls
after watching you.Copy !req
428. - Take her out.
- Right, right.Copy !req
429. Okay. Right.Copy !req
430. Right. Take her out.Copy !req
431. Okay, you got to move to the right.
Move more to the right.Copy !req
432. Would you sit your ass down? Sit!
Move! You want to drive this thing?Copy !req
433. How are you enjoying
your steak, Commander?Copy !req
434. I'm really enjoying it.
This is like corn-fed lowa beef.Copy !req
435. Yes, we programmed the food
synthesizer for each of youCopy !req
436. based on the regional menu
of your birthplace.Copy !req
437. I don't care where you did it,
it tastes great.Copy !req
438. Are you enjoying your Kep-mok
blood ticks, Dr. Lazarus?Copy !req
439. Just like Mother used to make.Copy !req
440. So, tell me, Mathesar,Copy !req
441. this Sarris person
that we're flying to meet,Copy !req
442. what does he want?Copy !req
443. He heard about the device,
the Omega 13.Copy !req
444. What is it? What does it do?Copy !req
445. We don't know.Copy !req
446. We were hoping you could enlighten us.Copy !req
447. The Omega 13 device.Copy !req
448. We found that on an alien planet.
We don't know what it does either.Copy !req
449. Why don't you just turn it on
and see what it does?Copy !req
450. It has at its heart a reactor
capable of unthinkable energy.Copy !req
451. if we were mistaken in our construction,Copy !req
452. the device would act as a molecular
explosive, causing a chain reactionCopy !req
453. that would obliterate
all matter in the universe.Copy !req
454. Has Sarris ever seen
any of the historical records?Copy !req
455. No, thank God, he has not.Copy !req
456. So how does he know
about the Omega 13 device?Copy !req
457. Our former commander was not strong.Copy !req
458. Former commander?Copy !req
459. I am sorry. You deserve to be shown.Copy !req
460. The tape was smuggled off
of Sarris' ship.Copy !req
461. Originally, one of our own tried to lead.Copy !req
462. Is that all?Copy !req
463. After three days of this,
you still require incentive?Copy !req
464. I have told you all I know.Copy !req
465. if you have any mercy within you,
please, let me die.Copy !req
466. When I grow weary of
the noises you make, you shall die.Copy !req
467. Hey, guys, come on, hold on a minute.Copy !req
468. You just can't leave.
Give me some time to think.Copy !req
469. - Think.
- He wants to think.Copy !req
470. No, Jason. That's a wrap.
There's nothing to think about!Copy !req
471. I'm not even supposed to be here.Copy !req
472. I'm just crewman number six.
I'm expendable.Copy !req
473. I'm the guy in the episode who dies
to prove the situation is serious.Copy !req
474. I got to get out of here.Copy !req
475. Commander! Commander?Copy !req
476. We got to prepare
the pods for my crew's departure.Copy !req
477. But begging your
Commander's pardon, sir,Copy !req
478. we can't launch pods at the moment.Copy !req
479. Sarris will surely detonate
any objects leaving the ship.Copy !req
480. - Sarris?
- Yes, sir. He's here now.Copy !req
481. Your presence is required
on the command deck.Copy !req
482. There's nobody here.Copy !req
483. While my people are talented scientists,Copy !req
484. our attempt to operate
our own technologiesCopy !req
485. under tactical simulation
have been disastrous.Copy !req
486. I have raised Sarris on Zeta frequency.Copy !req
487. - Mathesar...
- We meet again, Commander.Copy !req
488. Hello, Sarris. How you doing?Copy !req
489. Better than my lieutenant.Copy !req
490. He failed to activate
the ship's neutron armorCopy !req
491. as quickly as I'd hoped
on our last encounter.Copy !req
492. Yeah, well, you know, I'd like to sayCopy !req
493. I'm real sorry about
what happened before.Copy !req
494. The whole thing was just
a misunderstanding.Copy !req
495. Deliver the device to me,
or I will destroy your ship!Copy !req
496. You know, we'd like to do that,Copy !req
497. but frankly, Sarris, sir, we don't know
what it is or even where it is.Copy !req
498. You have 10 seconds!Copy !req
499. I don't... Ten seconds? I don't... There...Copy !req
500. You know, okay. Gosh darn it, I give up.
It's yours. You can have it.Copy !req
501. You have to give me a minute
to put it in a box for you, okay?Copy !req
502. Gwen.Copy !req
503. Don't panic.
I've dealt with this guy before.Copy !req
504. He's as stupid as he is ugly.Copy !req
505. - Come here.
- Jason.Copy !req
506. Not now, Gwen.Copy !req
507. - No!
- Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.Copy !req
508. We're gonna send everything
we can at him, all right?Copy !req
509. - Jason.
- Not now, Gwen!Copy !req
510. Push these red buttons and
send everything we have towards him.Copy !req
511. - Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
512. All right, Gwen,
put me back on with him.Copy !req
513. Well, I'm trying to tell you,
you are back on.Copy !req
514. Perhaps I'm not as stupid
as I am ugly, Commander!Copy !req
515. I gave you the "kill" gesture.Copy !req
516. Yeah. No, you gave me the "we're dead"
signal. I was agreeing with you.Copy !req
517. - Like I know where the hold button is.
- Hey, you guys.Copy !req
518. There's a red thingyCopy !req
519. - moving toward the green thingy.
- What?Copy !req
520. Red thingy moving toward
the green thingy.Copy !req
521. I think we're the green thingy.Copy !req
522. A little present for you, Commander.Copy !req
523. We got to get out of here!
Move the ship! Turn it! Move it! Go!Copy !req
524. Oh, no!Copy !req
525. Oh, my God!Copy !req
526. Tommy, Tommy, let's go!Copy !req
527. - Get us out of here!
- Jason, what do I do?Copy !req
528. - Let's go! Go, go, go!
- What do I do?Copy !req
529. They're turning. They're coming!Copy !req
530. Thrust ahead, full!Copy !req
531. Fire at will.Copy !req
532. - Go faster, Tommy!
- I'm going as fast as I can, Jason!Copy !req
533. She's still behind us!Copy !req
534. Well, press "turbo."Copy !req
535. I've always said,
"Press the turbo," right?Copy !req
536. - It's right here! Right here!
- Well, press it and hold it down!Copy !req
537. The enemy is matching velocity.Copy !req
538. - Enemy is matching velocity.
- We heard it the first time!Copy !req
539. Gosh, I'm doing it.
I'm repeating the darn computer.Copy !req
540. Hi, guys. Listen,Copy !req
541. they're telling me
the generators won't take it.Copy !req
542. The ship is breaking apart and all that.
Just FYl.Copy !req
543. - We've got to stop!
- We stop and we die.Copy !req
544. - Tommy, just hold that thing down!
- You cannot hold the turbo down!Copy !req
545. - It's for quick boosts!
- Like you know!Copy !req
546. I remember that sound.
That's a bad sound.Copy !req
547. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! We might
be able to lose them in this cloud here.Copy !req
548. - I don't think that's a cloud.
- Mathesar, what is it?Copy !req
549. This is the Tothian minefield left
standing from the great war of 1 21 85.Copy !req
550. Oh, God!Copy !req
551. Could you possibly try
not to hit every single one?Copy !req
552. Sorry, man, they're drifting towards us.
I think they're magnetic!Copy !req
553. Continue forward, sir?Copy !req
554. Patience, Lieutenant.Copy !req
555. Patience.Copy !req
556. - We've got to stop!
- We're almost through this.Copy !req
557. - You okay? You all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
558. Everybody all right? Where's Tommy?Copy !req
559. - Tommy! You all right?
- Oh, man!Copy !req
560. No, my arm is broke.
Don't touch it! Don't touch it!Copy !req
561. - I'll take him to medical quarters.
- Thanks, Mathesar.Copy !req
562. Alex, where are you going?Copy !req
563. To see if there's a pub!Copy !req
564. Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage.Copy !req
565. Aft vector guards, 96% damage.Copy !req
566. Structural breaches
in quadrants 32, 34, 40...Copy !req
567. - What about the engines?
- Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage.Copy !req
568. Computer, what about the engines?
Why don't we have power?Copy !req
569. The beryllium sphere
has fractured under stress.Copy !req
570. It's fractured.Copy !req
571. Can it be repaired?Copy !req
572. Computer, can it be repaired?Copy !req
573. Damage to
beryllium sphere irreparable.Copy !req
574. New source of beryllium
must be secured.Copy !req
575. We need another one.Copy !req
576. You broke the ship.
You broke the bloody ship!Copy !req
577. Computer, is there a replacement
beryllium sphere on board?Copy !req
578. Negative. No reserve
beryllium sphere exists on board.Copy !req
579. No, we have no extra
beryllium sphere on board.Copy !req
580. You know, that is
really getting annoying!Copy !req
581. Look, I have one job on this lousy ship.Copy !req
582. It's stupid, but I'm gonna do it, okay?Copy !req
583. Sure, no problem.Copy !req
584. A thousand apologies.
We have failed you.Copy !req
585. How have you failed us?Copy !req
586. We have seen you victorious
in much more desperate situations.Copy !req
587. The fault must lie with us, with the ship.Copy !req
588. No, Mathesar, it is not your fault,
and it's not the ship's fault.Copy !req
589. It's my fault. We screwed...Copy !req
590. We are not the people you think we are.Copy !req
591. I don't understand.Copy !req
592. Didn't you make any TV shows
on your planet? Any theater? Films?Copy !req
593. The historical documents
of your culture. Yes, in fact,Copy !req
594. we have begun to document
our history from your example.Copy !req
595. No, not historical documents.
They're not all historical documents.Copy !req
596. I mean, surely you don't think
that Gilligan's lsland is a...Copy !req
597. Those poor people.Copy !req
598. Oh, brother.Copy !req
599. We're screwed.Copy !req
600. ls there no one on your planet
who behaves in a wayCopy !req
601. that's contrary to reality?Copy !req
602. You are speaking of...Copy !req
603. - Deception, lies.
- Deception, lies.Copy !req
604. We have only recently
become aware of this conceptCopy !req
605. in our dealings with Sarris.Copy !req
606. Often, Sarris will say
one thing and do another.Copy !req
607. Promise us mercy,
but deliver destruction.Copy !req
608. It is a concept we are beginning
to learn at some great cost.Copy !req
609. But if you are saying that any of youCopy !req
610. could have traits
in common with Sarris...Copy !req
611. Hey, Commander, listen. We found
some beryllium on a nearby planet.Copy !req
612. And we might be able to get there
if we reconfigure the solar matrixCopy !req
613. in parallel for endothermic propulsion.Copy !req
614. What do you think?Copy !req
615. - We'll do that!
- All right!Copy !req
616. That's right again. That's...
Come on, group hug. Come on.Copy !req
617. Dr. Lazarus, I hope
I am not breaching protocol,Copy !req
618. but I am so very humbled
to stand in your presence.Copy !req
619. I have studied
your missions extensively.Copy !req
620. Though I am Thermian,
I have lived my life by your philosophy,Copy !req
621. by the code of the Mak'tar.Copy !req
622. Good, that's very nice.Copy !req
623. By Grabthar's hammer, Dr. Lazarus...Copy !req
624. - Don't do that. I'm not kidding.
- I'm sorry, sir, I was only...Copy !req
625. Just don't.Copy !req
626. Yes, sir.Copy !req
627. Never give up. Never surrender.Copy !req
628. Dr. Lazarus?
Here is your surface mapper.Copy !req
629. I have programmed it
to the coordinates of a beryllium sphereCopy !req
630. of sufficient density.Copy !req
631. Good luck on your mission, sir.Copy !req
632. Thanks.Copy !req
633. You're doing good, Tommy.Copy !req
634. I changed my mind. I want to go back.Copy !req
635. After the fuss you made
about getting left behind?Copy !req
636. Yeah, but that's when I thought I was
the crewman that stays on the shipCopy !req
637. and something is up there
then it kills me.Copy !req
638. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy
who gets killed by some monsterCopy !req
639. five minutes after we land on the planet!Copy !req
640. You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.Copy !req
641. I'm not? Then what's my last name?Copy !req
642. It's... I don't know.Copy !req
643. Nobody knows! Do you know why?Copy !req
644. Because my character isn't important
enough for a last name.Copy !req
645. Because I'm gonna die five minutes in.Copy !req
646. Guy, you have a last name.Copy !req
647. - Do l? Do l?
- Yes!Copy !req
648. For all you know,
I'm just crewman number six.Copy !req
649. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!Copy !req
650. Are we there yet?Copy !req
651. - Mommy!
- Tommy!Copy !req
652. - Look out!
- Oh, no! Pull out!Copy !req
653. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
654. Come on. Oh, boy! Come on.Copy !req
655. Hey! Don't open that!
It's an alien planet!Copy !req
656. ls there air? You don't know!Copy !req
657. Seems okay.Copy !req
658. Here we go.Copy !req
659. Which way, Alexander?Copy !req
660. This way!Copy !req
661. Wait. No.Copy !req
662. That way.Copy !req
663. - You were holding it upside down.
- Shut up.Copy !req
664. You know,
with all that makeup and stuff,Copy !req
665. I actually thought
you were smart for a second.Copy !req
666. You think you could do better, Laredo?Copy !req
667. - All right with that Laredo stuff.
- We're screwed. We're so screwed.Copy !req
668. Come on, come on, come on.
if we want to finish this mission,Copy !req
669. we have to use some self-control.Copy !req
670. Self-control?
That's funny coming from a guyCopy !req
671. who slept with every Terrakian slave girl
and moon princess on the show.Copy !req
672. Did it ever occur to you,
had you been more supportiveCopy !req
673. we might have been able...Copy !req
674. Wow. Must be
some sort of mining facility.Copy !req
675. Where are the miners?Copy !req
676. - Something bad happened here.
- Will you relax?Copy !req
677. There they are.
Beryllium spheres. Let's go.Copy !req
678. Look at that. Would you look at that?Copy !req
679. They look like little children.Copy !req
680. Could they be the miners?Copy !req
681. Sure, they're like, three years old.Copy !req
682. Miners, not minors!Copy !req
683. - You lost me.
- I don't like this.Copy !req
684. - I don't like this at all.
- They are so cute.Copy !req
685. Sure, they're cute now, but in a second,
they're gonna get mean.Copy !req
686. They're gonna get ugly somehow,Copy !req
687. then there's gonna be
a million more of them.Copy !req
688. Look. There's a little hurt one.Copy !req
689. Hi. Hi there.Copy !req
690. Did you guys ever watch the show?Copy !req
691. See? They're gonna help
the little hurt one.Copy !req
692. I'm so sick of being right.Copy !req
693. Let's get out of here
before one of those things kills Guy.Copy !req
694. Wait a minute! We're not going
anywhere without a beryllium sphere.Copy !req
695. We need a plan.
Fred, I need a diversionCopy !req
696. to clear the compound of those things.Copy !req
697. Then, Alex and Gwen and l
will go get a sphere.Copy !req
698. Tommy, get up on that ridge.Copy !req
699. if you see them come back
give me a signal, all right?Copy !req
700. Why does this sound so familiar?Copy !req
701. "Assault on Voltareck lll," episode 81.Copy !req
702. - We're doing episode 81?
- Whatever. The one with the hologram.Copy !req
703. - The wall of fire.
- Well, how the hell is FredCopy !req
704. supposed to project a hologram?Copy !req
705. - Are we doing episode 81?
- It's just a rough plan, Guy.Copy !req
706. What difference does it make
if it's episode 81 or not?Copy !req
707. 'Cause I died in episode 81.Copy !req
708. - Episode 51, right?
- 51. 51.Copy !req
709. This is ludicrous.
Why are you listening to this fellow?Copy !req
710. May I remind you he's wearing
a costume, not a uniform.Copy !req
711. He's no more equipped to lead us
than this fellow. No offense.Copy !req
712. Look, they're gone.Copy !req
713. - Where'd they go? Back inside?
- I don't know.Copy !req
714. Nobody was watching?Copy !req
715. All right, all right. Listen up.
Here's the plan.Copy !req
716. Gwen, Fred, Alex and l
will go down and get a sphere.Copy !req
717. Fleegman, you set up a perimeter
and Tommy, you're lookout.Copy !req
718. You see anything at all,
you give us a signal, all right?Copy !req
719. What kind of a signal?Copy !req
720. - Any kind of signal.
- Okay, I'll do my hands like this.Copy !req
721. What are you, an infant?
Look, we have these.Copy !req
722. That. Sorry.Copy !req
723. Let's go.Copy !req
724. - Does the rolling help actually?
- It helps.Copy !req
725. - Where's your gun?
- It helps.Copy !req
726. What?Copy !req
727. Never give up. Never surrender.Copy !req
728. - Oh, shut up.
- Oh, shut up.Copy !req
729. Jason! They're coming!
There's thousands of them, Jason!Copy !req
730. Run, Jason! Run!
They're coming! They're everywhere!Copy !req
731. - They're everywhere!
- Jason, they're everywhere!Copy !req
732. - They're everywhere!
- Come on, let's go!Copy !req
733. - They're coming!
- Hurry!Copy !req
734. - They're everywhere! Come on!
- Oh, God! Oh, God!Copy !req
735. Don't look back. Do not look back!Copy !req
736. - Oh, God.
- We're not gonna make it!Copy !req
737. Oh, God!Copy !req
738. I knew it, I knew it!
I knew this was gonna kill me!Copy !req
739. Go, go, go! Come on! Push it harder!
Let's go, Tommy!Copy !req
740. I got it but it's gonna
take a few seconds.Copy !req
741. I got it, I got it!Copy !req
742. - Oh, yeah!
- Go ahead.Copy !req
743. There's no time. Get in! Get in!Copy !req
744. Come on. I've forgotten you've got
to be the hero, haven't you?Copy !req
745. Heaven forbid anybody else gets
the spotlight! Oh, no! Jason Nesmith...Copy !req
746. Jason! Jason, come on! Hurry!Copy !req
747. - I'm on it!
- Tommy, go! Go! I'm in!Copy !req
748. No, no, no! Jason, please!Copy !req
749. - Tommy, stop the pod! He's not in!
- But I can't stop it, it's on autopilot!Copy !req
750. - Go! Leave him!
- No!Copy !req
751. Oh, right!Copy !req
752. Of course, it's always about you, isn't it?Copy !req
753. - Gorignak! Gorignak!
- Gorignak! Gorignak!Copy !req
754. Jason? Jason, can you hear me?Copy !req
755. Yeah, Gwen, you got me.Copy !req
756. - Thank God. Are you okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
757. As a matter of fact, I have Gorignak
staring me in the face right now.Copy !req
758. But you know what?
I think I can take him.Copy !req
759. Jason, we're gonna use the digital
conveyor to get you out of there.Copy !req
760. - The digital conveyor?
- Yes.Copy !req
761. You mean
I'm gonna be diced into cubesCopy !req
762. and sent up there in a million pieces?Copy !req
763. - Right.
- Well, you know what?Copy !req
764. I think I'll take my chance
with Gorignak.Copy !req
765. We're getting you out right now.
It's perfectly safe, isn't it, Teb?Copy !req
766. It has never been successfully tested.Copy !req
767. - What did he say?
- Hold, please.Copy !req
768. Theoretically the mechanism
is fully operational.Copy !req
769. However it was built to accommodate
your anatomy, not ours.Copy !req
770. But now that Tech Sergeant Chen
is here, he can operate it.Copy !req
771. It was designed watching his motions
from the historical documents.Copy !req
772. I mean, I can't. I can supervise...Copy !req
773. Jason, we're gonna test it.Copy !req
774. - On what?
- How about that pig lizard?Copy !req
775. Hey, I'm doing all right
with the pig lizard.Copy !req
776. Please, Fred? And hurry.Copy !req
777. I'm sorry. It's very exciting
to watch the master at the controls.Copy !req
778. The operation of the conveyor is
much more art than science.Copy !req
779. Stand back, Jason.Copy !req
780. What? What was that?Copy !req
781. - Nothing.
- I hear some squealing or something.Copy !req
782. - Oh, no. Everything's fine.
- But the animal is inside out.Copy !req
783. I heard that. It turned inside out?Copy !req
784. And it exploded.Copy !req
785. Did I just hear that that animal
turned inside out and then it exploded?Copy !req
786. Hello?Copy !req
787. Hold, please.Copy !req
788. Hey, wait a minute, guys, guys.Copy !req
789. if the pig lizard is gone,
why are they still yelling "Gorignak"?Copy !req
790. Teb, hit the translation circuit.Copy !req
791. - Rock, rock, rock, rock!
- Rock, rock, rock, rock!Copy !req
792. Jason, I don't think
the pig lizard was Gorignak.Copy !req
793. What the hell you talking about?Copy !req
794. Oh, darn.Copy !req
795. Digitize me!Copy !req
796. - Come on, Fred.
- Come on, guys. Digitize me!Copy !req
797. - Oh, no, not me.
- Come on, they...Copy !req
798. They based it on your hand movements.Copy !req
799. Am I the only one
who saw that thing inside out?Copy !req
800. - No, no, no.
- I'm not the guy.Copy !req
801. I'm not Tech Sergeant Chen,
I'm Fred Kwan.Copy !req
802. I'm not even...
Kwan's not even my real name.Copy !req
803. Fred's no good, Jason.
You're just gonna have to kill it.Copy !req
804. Kill it?
Well, I'm open to any suggestions.Copy !req
805. Go for the eyes, like in episode 22!Copy !req
806. It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy.Copy !req
807. Go for the mouth or the throat,
its vulnerable spots!Copy !req
808. It's a rock.
It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!Copy !req
809. I know! You construct a weapon.
Look around you.Copy !req
810. Can you form some sort of
rudimentary lathe?Copy !req
811. A lathe! Get off the line, Guy!Copy !req
812. Alexander, you're my advisor.
Advise me!Copy !req
813. Well, you're just gonna have to
figure out what it wants.Copy !req
814. What is its motivation?Copy !req
815. It's a rock monster.
It doesn't have motivation.Copy !req
816. See, that's your problem, Jason.
You were never serious about the craft.Copy !req
817. Fred! Fred, can you hear me?
Fred, are you there?Copy !req
818. - Kind of.
- You can do it, Fred! It's up to you!Copy !req
819. Oh, no, no, no.
Jason, I'll just... I'll just mess it up.Copy !req
820. You did it for four years on the show!
Do it now!Copy !req
821. That was the show. I'm not that guy!Copy !req
822. Fred, you never forgot a line!
You never missed a mark!Copy !req
823. That's not me anymore man.Copy !req
824. It is you, Fred. You just stopped trying.Copy !req
825. You can do this, Fred! I know
in my heart you're gonna save my life.Copy !req
826. - I am?
- No doubt about it, Fred.Copy !req
827. Fred!Copy !req
828. Fred, can you hear me?Copy !req
829. Fred!Copy !req
830. Fred? I don't want to die down here.Copy !req
831. Digitize me, Fred!Copy !req
832. Oh, wow.Copy !req
833. - Tech Sergeant Chen.
- Yeah!Copy !req
834. I see you managed to get your shirt off.Copy !req
835. - I did it.
- Welcome back, Fred.Copy !req
836. All right, did we get
the beryllium sphere installed?Copy !req
837. - Yes, we are back to full power.
- Great! Engines and pods?Copy !req
838. - Fully operational.
- Perfect!Copy !req
839. Well, crank this sucker up,
you could drop us offCopy !req
840. and you guys can be back in
your home planet before supper.Copy !req
841. Oh, no, sir,
we have no reason to go back.Copy !req
842. Sure you do. Family, friends. Come on!Copy !req
843. We are all that is left.Copy !req
844. - I didn't know that.
- Sir, I have raised the command deck.Copy !req
845. Mathesar, meet us
up at the command deck.Copy !req
846. Mathesar.Copy !req
847. Mathesar! Quellek!Copy !req
848. Why can't we reach them?Copy !req
849. Commander. Thank God you're alive.Copy !req
850. Now you will face justice, Sarris.Copy !req
851. At every turn, you demonstrate
the necessity for your extermination!Copy !req
852. Leave him alone.Copy !req
853. You wish to save the life of this man?Copy !req
854. Yeah. Yes.Copy !req
855. Then tell me, what does it do,
this Omega 13?Copy !req
856. I don't know what it does.Copy !req
857. I said I don't know!Copy !req
858. - Is it a bomb?
- I don't know.Copy !req
859. - A booby trap?
- I don't know!Copy !req
860. - Tell me!
- I don't know!Copy !req
861. Do you think I'm a fool?Copy !req
862. That the Commander does not know
every bolt, every weld in his ship?Copy !req
863. Prepare a tear harnessCopy !req
864. for the female.Copy !req
865. No! Gwen, no!Copy !req
866. You brute! Let go of me!Copy !req
867. I'm not the Commander.Copy !req
868. What did you say?Copy !req
869. I said, "I'm not the Commander."Copy !req
870. Leave them alone.
There's no reason to hurt them.Copy !req
871. - They don't know anything.
- Explain.Copy !req
872. Gwen, show him
the historical documents.Copy !req
873. Computer,Copy !req
874. show the historical documents
of the Galaxy Quest missions.Copy !req
875. Wonderful.Copy !req
876. You have all done far greater damage
than I ever could have.Copy !req
877. Bravo!Copy !req
878. Bravo.Copy !req
879. This is a moment I will treasure.Copy !req
880. Explain to him who you all really are.Copy !req
881. Tell him!Copy !req
882. Explain!Copy !req
883. Mathesar, there's no such person
as Captain Taggart.Copy !req
884. My name is Jason Nesmith.
I am an actor.Copy !req
885. We're all actors.Copy !req
886. He doesn't understand.Copy !req
887. Explain as you would a child.Copy !req
888. We pretended.Copy !req
889. We lied.Copy !req
890. Yes! You understand that,
don't you, Mathesar?Copy !req
891. Mathesar, I'm not a commander. L...Copy !req
892. There's no National Space
Exploration Administration.Copy !req
893. We don't have a ship.Copy !req
894. But there it is.Copy !req
895. That ship is that big.Copy !req
896. But inside, I see many rooms.Copy !req
897. You've seen plywood sets
that look like the inside.Copy !req
898. Our beryllium sphere is wire
with plaster around it.Copy !req
899. And our...Copy !req
900. Our digital conveyor is...Copy !req
901. Christmas tree lights.Copy !req
902. It's a decoration. It's all fake.Copy !req
903. Just like me.Copy !req
904. But why?Copy !req
905. It's difficult to explain.Copy !req
906. On our planet, we...Copy !req
907. We pretend to entertain and...Copy !req
908. Mathesar, I am so sorry.
God, I am so sorry.Copy !req
909. So now you know.Copy !req
910. Lieutenant Lathe,
hardwire the reactor core to overload.Copy !req
911. I would like to blow
this troublesome vehicle to dust.Copy !req
912. Sarris, what about my people?Copy !req
913. Yes, far too simple a death for them,
isn't it?Copy !req
914. Lathe, open an oxygen seal on level C.Copy !req
915. Let the air in a bit for our friends.Copy !req
916. Son of a...Copy !req
917. Release themCopy !req
918. into space.Copy !req
919. Core overload.
Emergency shutdown overridden.Copy !req
920. Core implosion
estimated in nine minutes.Copy !req
921. Core overload.
Emergency shutdown overridden.Copy !req
922. Hey!Copy !req
923. Core implosion
estimated in nine minutes.Copy !req
924. Where's the happy ending, Jason?Copy !req
925. "Never give up. Never surrender."Copy !req
926. Maybe it's about time
you just backed off,Copy !req
927. you fin-headed monstrosity.Copy !req
928. Jason.Copy !req
929. You what?Copy !req
930. You're starting to act
like you did in episode 17,Copy !req
931. you scene-stealing hack.Copy !req
932. Oh, right!Copy !req
933. Well, how does it feel, Jason?
Was it worth it? You've murdered us all!Copy !req
934. - Shut up.
- Hundreds to die just because of you!Copy !req
935. - I told you to shut up!
- Both of you, get in there.Copy !req
936. Hundreds to die,Copy !req
937. just because you want to play
at being commander, you raving lunatic.Copy !req
938. Then I'll see you in hell, won't l?Copy !req
939. Look out, Jason!Copy !req
940. Get his gun! Get the gun!Copy !req
941. Take that!Copy !req
942. Sorry... The door's a little sticky.
Did you see that?Copy !req
943. I'll get one of my boys up here
with a can of WD-40.Copy !req
944. - You used to pull your punches.
- Scene-stealing hack? Thank you.Copy !req
945. - Raving egomaniac?
- Wonder where I got that from?Copy !req
946. Hey, guys.Copy !req
947. Look.Copy !req
948. They're suffocating.Copy !req
949. Core overload.
Emergency shutdown overridden.Copy !req
950. Core implosion
estimated in eight minutes.Copy !req
951. General, your transport
is ready for departure.Copy !req
952. Core overload.
Emergency shutdown overridden.Copy !req
953. Core implosion
estimated in seven minutes.Copy !req
954. - Computer, shut down the core.
- Unable.Copy !req
955. Memory checksum invalid.
Core systems hardware damaged.Copy !req
956. All right, all right, listen up.
This is what we gotta do.Copy !req
957. Gwen, you and l, we're gonna get to
the core and shut it down manually.Copy !req
958. Fred, take Guy and Laliari.
You find that valve, shut it off,Copy !req
959. before those Thermians run out of air.Copy !req
960. Alexander, get to the barracks,Copy !req
961. see if you can't wedge a door open
in case they can't do that.Copy !req
962. - Okay.
- Wait, Jason. What about me?Copy !req
963. What do I do?Copy !req
964. You're gonna practice driving. Let's go!Copy !req
965. Practice driving.Copy !req
966. So we get to shut down
a neutron reactor?Copy !req
967. - That's right.
- Well, I hate to break it to you, Jason,Copy !req
968. but I don't know
how to shut down a neutron reactor,Copy !req
969. and unless you took a Learning Annex
course I don't know about,Copy !req
970. I'm pretty sure you don't know how
to shut down a neutron reactor, either.Copy !req
971. No, I don't,
but I know someone who does.Copy !req
972. Brandon, honey, the garbage.Copy !req
973. Mother, I'm quite busy.Copy !req
974. Come on, Brandon,
don't make me ask you again.Copy !req
975. Just 10 more minutes, okay, Ma?
I promise.Copy !req
976. Hello? Anybody there?Copy !req
977. Hello?Copy !req
978. Got him. Listen to me.
This is Jason Nesmith.Copy !req
979. I play Commander Peter Quincy
Taggart, NSEA Protector.Copy !req
980. We accidentally traded voxes the other
day when we bumped into each other.Copy !req
981. Commander, I see. Okay.Copy !req
982. What's your name, son?Copy !req
983. Brandon.Copy !req
984. Brandon, I remember you.
From the convention, right?Copy !req
985. You asked all those little
technical questions about the ship,Copy !req
986. and I was a little short with you.Copy !req
987. Yes, yes, I know, Commander,
and I actually wanna...Copy !req
988. I just wanted to tell you that
I thought a lot about what you said...Copy !req
989. - It's okay. Now, listen.
- But I want you to knowCopy !req
990. that I'm not
a complete brain case, okay?Copy !req
991. I understand completely
that it's just a TV show.Copy !req
992. - Hold... Wait a minute...
- I know there's no beryllium sphere...Copy !req
993. - Stop. Stop for a second. Stop. Wait.
- ... no digital conveyor, no ship.Copy !req
994. It's all real.Copy !req
995. Oh, my God, I knew it.
I knew it! I knew it!Copy !req
996. The crew and I are in a lot of trouble
and we need your help.Copy !req
997. Core overload.
Emergency shutdown overridden.Copy !req
998. Core implosion
estimated in six minutes.Copy !req
999. Sir, it's you. Thank lpthar.Copy !req
1000. Quellek? What are you doing up there?Copy !req
1001. I avoided capture
by using your Mak'tar stealth haze.Copy !req
1002. Where is everyone?Copy !req
1003. Come with me. I'll explain on the way.Copy !req
1004. All right, we're at level C, hallway five.
Now what?Copy !req
1005. Go to weapons storage,
your second left, through the passage.Copy !req
1006. Now, that leads to
a system of utility corridorsCopy !req
1007. through the bowels of the ship.Copy !req
1008. - Open.
- You know what? I'm gonna get Kyle.Copy !req
1009. He knows the utility tunnel system
better than anybody alive.Copy !req
1010. 38, 39, 40.Copy !req
1011. All right. All we have to do
is turn off the valve to the barracks.Copy !req
1012. Hi, Brandon.Copy !req
1013. No time for pleasantries, Kyle.
We have a level 5 emergency.Copy !req
1014. You've still got the utility systems
walk-through, right?Copy !req
1015. Yeah, I've got sectors one through 28.
I think Hollister has the upper levels.Copy !req
1016. Great, we'll get everybody online.Copy !req
1017. - Pedal to the metal, Commander.
- Pedal to the metal, Commander.Copy !req
1018. General! I have just received word
that the commander of the ProtectorCopy !req
1019. and his command crew
have escaped custody.Copy !req
1020. What?Copy !req
1021. Find them!Copy !req
1022. But, sir! My men...
The core implosion is not reversible.Copy !req
1023. Find them!Copy !req
1024. All right, Brandon,
I see five ducts in this room.Copy !req
1025. Which way do we go?Copy !req
1026. Enter the passage second to your left,
and just continue straight for 50 meters.Copy !req
1027. Ducts? Why is it always ducts?Copy !req
1028. There will be a slight drop.Copy !req
1029. Thanks for the heads-up, Brandon!
You okay?Copy !req
1030. They're dying.Copy !req
1031. Wait a minute.
We gotta go across this thing?Copy !req
1032. - Yes.
- Don't look down.Copy !req
1033. Commander, what I'd give
to see what you're seeing.Copy !req
1034. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1035. You're deep in the underbelly
of the Omega 13!Copy !req
1036. It must be spectacular.Copy !req
1037. Well, it doesn't look like much to me.
Just these few wallsCopy !req
1038. and this dumb spinning fan
that we have in every single...Copy !req
1039. Brandon, what does
the Omega 13 device do?Copy !req
1040. Many have believed
that it is a matter-collapser.Copy !req
1041. A bomb capable of destroying pretty
much everything in about 13 seconds.Copy !req
1042. But myself and others are convinced
that what it is is a matter-rearranger,Copy !req
1043. effecting a 13-second time jump
to the past.Copy !req
1044. Why 13 seconds?Copy !req
1045. That's really not enough time
to do anything of any importance.Copy !req
1046. - It'd be time to redeem a single mistake.
- What?Copy !req
1047. Come on! Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
1048. Fleeg, we gotta turn off that valve.
Their oxygen's almost gone.Copy !req
1049. Listen, I'll go in. I'll create a distraction.
I got this. I'm okay,Copy !req
1050. I might be able to hold them back
long enough for the aliens to escape.Copy !req
1051. That's suicide.Copy !req
1052. I'm just a glorified extra, Fred.
I'm a dead man anyway.Copy !req
1053. if I'm gonna die,
I'd rather go out a hero than a coward.Copy !req
1054. Guy, Guy,
maybe you're the plucky comic relief.Copy !req
1055. You ever think about that?Copy !req
1056. - Plucky?
- Well, besides,Copy !req
1057. I just had this really interesting idea.Copy !req
1058. Are you stoned?Copy !req
1059. Gotta get it open, give them some time.Copy !req
1060. Sir, perhaps together,Copy !req
1061. the Mak'tar chant of strength,
"Larak tarath."Copy !req
1062. - Larak tarath, larak tarath.
- Larak tarath.Copy !req
1063. - Larak tarath, larak tarath, larak tarath!
- Larak tarath, larak tarath, larak tarath!Copy !req
1064. All right, Brandon, we're across.
Now what?Copy !req
1065. You want to take a left and then just
straight on through the chompers.Copy !req
1066. "The chompers"?Copy !req
1067. Well, screw that.Copy !req
1068. How are we supposed
to get through this?Copy !req
1069. Hollister, do you have
the sequence yet?Copy !req
1070. Okay, the sequence is 2242...Copy !req
1071. - What is this thing?
- ... 2242...Copy !req
1072. I mean, there's no useful purpose
for there to beCopy !req
1073. a bunch of chompy-crushy
things in the middle of a hallway!Copy !req
1074. - Gwen! Gwen!
- No, I think we shouldn't have to do this.Copy !req
1075. It makes no logical sense!
Why is it here?Copy !req
1076. - 'Cause it's on the television show!
- Well, forget it!Copy !req
1077. I am not doing it!
This episode was badly written!Copy !req
1078. Okay, Commander, now,
as soon as the first crusher hits you...Copy !req
1079. It just did!Copy !req
1080. - Okay, go now.
- Go!Copy !req
1081. Go!Copy !req
1082. Stop!Copy !req
1083. Go!Copy !req
1084. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
1085. Go!Copy !req
1086. Go! Go!Copy !req
1087. No, stop! Stop!Copy !req
1088. Go!Copy !req
1089. Stop! Wait a minute! No!Copy !req
1090. I want you to jump, Commander, jump!Copy !req
1091. Whoever wrote this episode should die!Copy !req
1092. This should be interesting.Copy !req
1093. It's the simple things
in life you treasure.Copy !req
1094. That's great.Copy !req
1095. Now, we better get...Copy !req
1096. Hey, get a room, guys, okay?Copy !req
1097. Hey, Fred.Copy !req
1098. That's not right.Copy !req
1099. Sir, the pressure, it's normalizing.Copy !req
1100. Open!Copy !req
1101. We are saved.Copy !req
1102. He has saved us.Copy !req
1103. Commander Taggart has saved us!Copy !req
1104. It's just not fair.Copy !req
1105. All right, Quellek,
let's get back to the command deck.Copy !req
1106. I'm... I'm shot.Copy !req
1107. Quellek? Quellek?Copy !req
1108. It's not too bad.Copy !req
1109. We'll get you to the medical quarters
and you'll be fine.Copy !req
1110. It has been my greatest honor
to serve with you.Copy !req
1111. I have been blessed, sir. L...Copy !req
1112. Don't speak, Quellek.Copy !req
1113. You'll forgive my impertinence, sir,Copy !req
1114. but even though
we had never before met,Copy !req
1115. I always considered you
as a father to me.Copy !req
1116. Quellek,Copy !req
1117. by Grabthar's hammer,Copy !req
1118. by the sons of Warvan,Copy !req
1119. you shall be avenged.Copy !req
1120. 1 3, 14, 1 5, 1 6, 1 7, 1 8, 1 9!Copy !req
1121. All right, Brandon, I'm here.
How do I shut this thing down?Copy !req
1122. Okay, just push the blue button.Copy !req
1123. - The blue button? Is that it?
- Yeah, why, what's wrong?Copy !req
1124. Nothing, I just thought
it'd be more complicated than that.Copy !req
1125. Core implosion estimated
in 20 seconds.Copy !req
1126. Brandon, it's not working. Brandon!Copy !req
1127. Mother, I cannot stress enough
the severityCopy !req
1128. - of the Commander's predicament.
- Don't forget the recyclables!Copy !req
1129. Core implosion
estimated in 10 seconds.Copy !req
1130. - 9,8...
- Gwen, l...Copy !req
1131. - ... 7,6...
- I've always...Copy !req
1132. - ... 5,4...
- Jason, Jason.Copy !req
1133. 3,2,1.Copy !req
1134. It always stops at one on the show.Copy !req
1135. What were you saying?Copy !req
1136. - Sir!
- What?Copy !req
1137. The core detonation sequence
on the Protector has been aborted.Copy !req
1138. lmpossible! lmpossible!Copy !req
1139. Lock a complement of implosion
missiles onto the Protector.Copy !req
1140. Tear her apart!Copy !req
1141. He's finished, he's finished.Copy !req
1142. Alexander, listen to me.
It's okay, it's okay.Copy !req
1143. The Thermians can handle it from here.
We gotta go. Come on.Copy !req
1144. We need that armor back up!Copy !req
1145. - Get me a forward view right now!
- Plasma armor engaged.Copy !req
1146. All right, Tommy, see if you can't
lose them in that minefield.Copy !req
1147. - Minefield?
- Pedal to the metal, right now!Copy !req
1148. - Pedal to the metal!
- All right, let's go!Copy !req
1149. Good going, Tommy. Great going.Copy !req
1150. Thrust ahead, full!Copy !req
1151. lnto the field, go!Copy !req
1152. Tommy, can you get us closer
to these mines?Copy !req
1153. Closer?Copy !req
1154. I could try.Copy !req
1155. General, I've lost them.Copy !req
1156. The magnetism of the minefield
is disrupting our instruments.Copy !req
1157. Wait! I see something.Copy !req
1158. Yes. Yes! There they are.Copy !req
1159. - Get back on their tail.
- I can't, sir.Copy !req
1160. - What? Why not?
- Because they're coming right at us.Copy !req
1161. Fire at will.Copy !req
1162. We're getting hammered, Jason!
Return fire?Copy !req
1163. No! Divert all energy to the armor!Copy !req
1164. How adorable!Copy !req
1165. The actors
are going to play war with me.Copy !req
1166. Sarris' ship accelerating toward us
at mark two.Copy !req
1167. Accelerate to mark four.Copy !req
1168. Let me remind you, sonny,Copy !req
1169. I am a general.Copy !req
1170. if you are counting on me to blink,
then you are making a deadly mistake.Copy !req
1171. Well, let me tell you something, Sarris.Copy !req
1172. It doesn't take a great actor
to recognize a bad one.Copy !req
1173. You're sweating!Copy !req
1174. Armor almost gone, Jason!Copy !req
1175. You fool! You fail to realize
that with your armor gone,Copy !req
1176. my ship will tear through yours
like tissue paper.Copy !req
1177. And what you fail to realize is
my ship is dragging mines.Copy !req
1178. Oh, no! Turn, turn!Copy !req
1179. - Yes!
- Yes!Copy !req
1180. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1181. This is fantastic!Copy !req
1182. Mathesar!Copy !req
1183. Oh, my God, you're alive.Copy !req
1184. Come here.Copy !req
1185. "The ship was a model as big as this."Copy !req
1186. A very clever deception indeed.Copy !req
1187. Set a course for home, Commander?Copy !req
1188. - Can you do that?
- Yeah, it's just point and click.Copy !req
1189. But we're going to have to go through
the black hole, though.Copy !req
1190. Any objections?Copy !req
1191. All right, set her up.Copy !req
1192. What's the matter, Mathesar?Copy !req
1193. We were hoping
you could come with us.Copy !req
1194. My people have no commander.Copy !req
1195. Mathesar, I think your people
have a great commander,Copy !req
1196. sir.Copy !req
1197. All right, Tommy,
take us into the black hole.Copy !req
1198. - We're out!
- We're going home!Copy !req
1199. Systems register functional.Copy !req
1200. All systems are working, Commander.Copy !req
1201. Jason, before the black hole,Copy !req
1202. there was an energy surge
from Sarris' ship.Copy !req
1203. Let's not worry about that
right now, Alexander.Copy !req
1204. Fred, what are you doing up here?
Shouldn't you be downstairs until we...Copy !req
1205. Hey, you know,
you could put an eye out with that thing.Copy !req
1206. Fred?Copy !req
1207. No!Copy !req
1208. Mathesar!Copy !req
1209. Activate the Omega 13!Copy !req
1210. - We're out!
- We're going home!Copy !req
1211. Systems register functional.Copy !req
1212. All systems are working, Commander.Copy !req
1213. Jason, before the black hole,Copy !req
1214. there was
an energy surge from Sarris' ship.Copy !req
1215. Jason, what are you doing?
What are you doing?Copy !req
1216. Let go of me. Let... It's not Fred!Copy !req
1217. That's Sarris. Listen to me!Copy !req
1218. I'm telling you, it's not Fred,
that's Sarris!Copy !req
1219. He's gonna try to kill all of us!Copy !req
1220. Never give up. Never surrender.Copy !req
1221. Jason! Jason! I can't slow it down!Copy !req
1222. Our ship is too big
to enter the atmosphere.Copy !req
1223. We need to separate, or we'll die.Copy !req
1224. We gotta do it.
It's our only hope, Mathesar. Thank you.Copy !req
1225. Crew to the secondary deck.Copy !req
1226. Mathesar!Copy !req
1227. Goodbye, my friends.Copy !req
1228. Fred, get up to command deck.
We're separating.Copy !req
1229. On, Teb, on!Copy !req
1230. This is the third day of the Galaxy Con,Copy !req
1231. and Jason Nesmith and his entire crew
are no-shows here at the big event,Copy !req
1232. much to the disappointment
of all these fans.Copy !req
1233. Bye. Be back soon!Copy !req
1234. Well... Wait. Brandon, where are you
going with all those fireworks?Copy !req
1235. The Protectorgot super-accelerated
coming out of the black holeCopy !req
1236. and it's, like, nailed the atmosphere
at mark 15,Copy !req
1237. which, you guys know,
is pretty unstable, obviously,Copy !req
1238. so we're gonna help Laredo guide it
on the vox ultra-frequency carrierCopy !req
1239. and use Roman candles
for visual confirmation.Copy !req
1240. All right, dinner's at 7:00.Copy !req
1241. Well, he's outside.Copy !req
1242. Lieutenant Laredo, Tommy Webber!Copy !req
1243. Hi, Tommy!Copy !req
1244. The beautiful Tawny Madison,
Gwen DeMarco!Copy !req
1245. Yes!Copy !req
1246. Wow, what effects!Copy !req
1247. Another shipmate!
Yes, the more, the merrier!Copy !req
1248. The ship's Tech Sergeant Chen,
Fred Kwan, and a friend.Copy !req
1249. Dr. Lazarus, Alexander Dane!Copy !req
1250. Give him a big hand. He's British!
Yes, sir!Copy !req
1251. Commander Peter Quincy Taggart,
Jason Nesmith!Copy !req
1252. Great driving, Tommy.Copy !req
1253. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1254. Quick, quick! Go, go! Move, move!Copy !req
1255. Once again,
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart,Copy !req
1256. Mr. Jason Nesmith!Copy !req
1257. Come on, give it up for the crew,
the NSEA Protector!Copy !req
1258. True love! Yes!Copy !req
1259. Wow!Copy !req
1260. Come on!Copy !req
1261. They're here for you, folks. Come on!Copy !req
1262. What a show!Copy !req
1263. What a show! Yes!Copy !req
1264. Yes! Give it up! Wow!Copy !req
1265. Come on, give it up! Give it all upCopy !req
1266. for the crew of your favorite show,
Galaxy Quest! Wow!Copy !req
1267. Come on, come on!Copy !req
1268. Don't forget to buy a Galaxy Quest
T-shirt on your way out. Thank you.Copy !req
1269. And now, back again after 18 years,
the new adventures ofGalaxy Quest.Copy !req
1270. Never give up. Never surrender.Copy !req