Freaky Tales (2025)

1. No joke.

2. Like I said, wild.

3. But I never thought too hard on it though.

4. To me, it was just one of those freaky things

5. that made the Bay so damn fresh.

6. Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.

7. Join me this weekend at the Oakland Coliseum Annex

8. for Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar,

9. sponsored by Psytopics Learning Center.

10. At my workshop, we'll teach you how to practice

11. mindfulness and relaxation under stressful circumstances.

12. Licensed Psytopics instructors will give you the tools

13. to connect to the cosmic life force

14. and give you the power to battle both inner and outer demons.

15. Trust me, you won't wanna miss Sunday.

16. So join me this weekend, all ages are welcome.

17. Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar...

18. will blow your mind!

19. Chapter one...

20. AKA, The Gilman Strikes Back.

21. Yo, that movie was hella rad.

22. So grandpa knew about the vampires the whole time,

23. but didn't bother to tell anyone in his family?

24. Well, that's why it's fresh. You don't expect it.

25. All I'm saying, if you motherfuckers knew about some secret vampire shit

26. going off in the neighborhood and you didn't let me know,

27. we might have a problem.

28. Tina. I hate to break it to you,

29. but if there's a secret cult of vampires living amongst us...

30. We would be all up in that shit. Give me that.

31. Fair point.

32. - Eat a dick, dyke! - Get out the truck

33. and see what happens! I ain't playing!

34. - Suck my dick, Black bitch! - Yeah, that's what I thought.

35. Keep driving!

36. - Bitch! - Fuck you want, faggots?

37. Fuck you!

38. Go back to Fresno, boneheads!

39. We'll see you punks later!

40. Fucking Nazis.

41. Let's go.

42. Dude, you know I'm from Fresno.

43. Yeah, I've been trying to forget that.

44. So I was tailing this dude outta Lucky's yesterday.

45. Tailed? Like you followed some random guy?

46. Okay, you never followed anyone before?

47. Hell, no, that's some psycho shit.

48. You ever tailed anybody, Luce?

49. Uh... No.

50. - Whatever. - Okay.

51. Stop looking at me like I'm weird.

52. First time at Gilman?

53. No, I was here once. Wanna see my membership?

54. - No. - No way.

55. Psych.

56. - Dude, are you alright? - Are you okay?

57. Let's go!

58. Hey, Troy!

59. - Yeah, meet me in the truck. - Alright.

60. Yeah, Dad?

61. Did you know the guy from Splash

62. used to sell hot dogs at A's Games?

63. I don't eat meat.

64. I mean, I-I'm not trying to...

65. I'm saying, the guy from Splash.

66. - Did you see the movie? - The mermaid movie?

67. - Yeah. - Didn't see it.

68. Uh, what about Bachelor Party?

69. Do I look like somebody

70. who would see Bachelor Party?

71. First naked lady I ever saw was in that movie.

72. Your first? Right.

73. 'Cause you've seen so many since.

74. I've seen a few!

75. Oh, shit.

76. Fucking boneheads are back.

77. Those Nazi fucks just rolled up. - Outside.

78. Fuck, again?

79. Come on, guys. Not tonight.

80. - Fuck you, Jew! Get the fuck... - Here to volunteer.

81. And fuck you up!

82. Shit, man. That's enough!

83. Stop! Stop! Stop!

84. Lucid!

85. Hey!

86. - Dude! - Yeah, tough guy?

87. Fucking bonehead!

88. Hail Hitler!

89. Lay the fuck off, man.

90. You okay?

91. - Yeah. You okay? - Yeah.

92. - Fuck you! Show's over, losers! - Losers!

93. - Bye! - Pussy!

94. Later, punk faggots.

95. Oh, it's cold.

96. It's supposed to be.

97. - Does that hurt? - No.

98. Okay, tough guy.

99. I didn't mean it like that.

100. Can I ask you a question?

101. - No. - Shut up.

102. You ever have a dream then realize you're dreaming?

103. - Nah. - I had one last night.

104. I was by myself in my room.

105. Everybody was gone.

106. It was quiet.

107. That's how I knew I was dreaming.

108. My house is never quiet.

109. So, I started dancing.

110. I was eating, I forget what,

111. Pop-Tarts or some shit.

112. But then I was like,

113. "What am I staying in the house for?"

114. The whole world was mine.

115. So I ran outside,

116. I started flying and shit.

117. It was so rad.

118. What would you do?

119. In a dream?

120. Yeah, it's all in your head.

121. You can do anything you want, no consequences.

122. What?

123. I... Nothing. I was... I was thinking,

124. I see you blushing, tell me.

125. I was, uh, thinking about flying.

126. That'd be... I'd fly too. That'd be so cool.

127. Oh, man, that's boring.

128. That's what you did.

129. Alright, if I'm boring, you're boring.

130. Whatever, Lewis.

131. Don't tell me.

132. What'd she say?

133. Nothing.

134. You hungry?

135. Eddie Money.

136. - Eddie Money? Yeah. - Oh!

137. - "Don't you know who I am?" - What?

138. What?

139. Uh-huh.

140. He was singing, you know?

141. We just have to keep 'em out.

142. No shit, we've been trying.

143. There's too many of 'em.

144. There are more of us.

145. Yeah.

146. Okay, I'm just gonna say it.

147. - Cops. - Nope.

148. I did some research.

149. We can hire off-duty Berkeley cops for 11 bucks an hour.

150. - You called the cops? - To ask the question, yes.

151. Don't judge, all options are on the table.

152. That's why we're here.

153. To be fair, Berkeley cops are different from Oakland cops.

154. - We all know it. - You got that right.

155. Come on, guys, without Oakland cops,

156. there'd be no Black Panthers.

157. I'll call a vote.

158. Those in favor of hiring off-duty Berkeley cops,

159. raise your hand.

160. Opposed?

161. So where does that leave us?

162. We fight.

163. A fight is what they want.

164. We can't meet their violence with more violence.

165. - That's bullshit. - I believe in the ideal stenciled

166. on that sign back there.

167. But are you willing to fight for them?

168. No violence means no violence.

169. Once you pass through the doors.

170. Oh, so violence is okay outside?

171. What about racism, sexism, homophobia,

172. those okay outside too?

173. We're talking about Nazis, Larry.

174. - Yes. - I agree.

175. The rules don't apply to Nazis.

176. Dude, we got our asses kicked.

177. - Yeah. - We supposed to just take that?

178. Tina's right, this is our house.

179. We built it with our bare hands, and if we can't defend it,

180. - what's the point? - Yeah, that's right.

181. Alright, I call another vote then.

182. Those in favor of fighting the Nazis, raise your hand.

183. So, now I'm the guy who didn't wanna fight the Nazis.

184. Fuck that.

185. - Yeah! - Yes, sir.

186. Connect to the cosmic emerald light.

187. Picture you are now floating outside yourself.

188. Look down and notice you are no longer anchored

189. by earthbound flesh.

190. What's this?

191. Open it.

192. What's the occasion?

193. Today's the occasion.

194. I don't know, just open it.

195. Dude!

196. It's fucking awesome.

197. I love it, thank you.

198. Of course.

199. Oh, shit, whoa-oh!

200. Wait, you might wanna... You might wanna put that away.

201. Can I tell you a secret?

202. I've never been in a fight before.

203. You're in charge of our security

204. and you've never been in a fight?

205. Yeah, whose idea was that?

206. I just volunteered to see free shows.

207. I never said I could run security.

208. You never said you couldn't.

209. Yeah, well, it was going fine for the most part

210. 'til the fucking Nazis showed up.

211. How many fights have you been in?

212. I don't know.

213. More than zero, I know that much.

214. So, one?

215. - Two. - Two?

216. It was one too many.

217. So you lost one?

218. I lost them both, which was fine the first time.

219. It was a good life experience.

220. The second time just hurt.

221. How do you think you'll describe the third?

222. Ask me tomorrow.

223. - They're here! - Shit, we gotta go.

224. Hey, Jew!

225. You can hide behind a bunch of fags,

226. but that ain't gonna stop us from coming in.

227. Die, Nazi scum!

228. Ah, fuck, fuck, no!

229. Chapter two...

230. But how about that greasy saxophone-playing motherfucker?

231. I mean, he was fine, right?

232. Oh, I still believe!

233. Yeah, that shit was hella good.

234. Makes me wanna go to Santa Cruz.

235. But how come grandpa didn't tell his family

236. - about the vampires? - No, that shit cold, right?

237. I would be pissed.

238. So what now? You wanna go to Giant Burger?

239. Hell, yeah.

240. - Shit! - What?

241. Think I left my bus pass in the bathroom.

242. Well, just go get it.

243. Alright.

244. Eat a dick, dyke!

245. Get out the truck and see what happens! I ain't playin'!

246. - Suck my dick, Black bitch! - Fuck you!

247. Yeah, that's what I thought. Keep drivin'!

248. - Fuck you, bitches! - Fuck you want, faggots?

249. Go back to Fresno, boneheads!

250. We'll see you punks later!

251. You okay?

252. Yeah.

253. I'll be right back.

254. Nazis trippin' again?

255. I don't know how we went from Black Panthers

256. to Skinheads running wild in this city.

257. But all I know is somebody fell asleep at the wheel

258. - to let that shit happen. - People need reminding,

259. ain't nothing cool about being a Nazi.

260. It's 1987. You'd think people would know by now, but, no.

261. Fo sho. You and your friend.

262. I've seen you before.

263. You're in Danger Zone, right?

264. Yeah. You've seen us?

265. I saw you perform at the open mic night

266. at La Peña a few weeks back.

267. There was like ten people there.

268. I was one of 'em.

269. Hey, good news, it was not in the toilet.

270. Bad news, I think somebody pissed on it anyway.

271. - Who's this? - I'm Lenny G.

272. - Lenny G? - Lenny G?

273. - I work with Too $hort. - We know who you are!

274. Girl, he knows who we are.

275. - Quit playin'. - He saw us at open mic night.

276. There was like ten people there.

277. And he was one of 'em.

278. We got a show coming up.

279. Why don't you two come on stage,

280. spit some rhymes with $hort?

281. And why don't you shut the fuck up?

282. - Let the man speak. - What? He ain't being real.

283. $hort wanna try something new.

284. A battle rap section to the show.

285. And based on what I saw from y'all two,

286. I suspect y'all can hold your own with him.

287. And I suspect your suspicions are correct.

288. - We'll be there. - Cool.

289. You might wanna have something planned,

290. in case you get nervous.

291. Yeah, we don't get nervous.

292. - Okay. We'll find out. - Right.

293. See you there! Thank you!

294. Shit, I'm nervous.

295. Girl, me too!

296. We gotta stay ready 'cause they don't protect us.

297. These motherfuckers need to respect us.

298. Here's the question...

299. What about this finale?

300. What about it?

301. I think we need to practice it again.

302. Ooh, we already practiced it.

303. Hello, ladies.

304. How about you cut the chit-chat

305. and practice getting me some ice cream here,

306. - what do you say? - What can I get for you?

307. Um, how's your bubble gum?

308. It's good if you like bubble gum.

309. Let me get a taste.

310. Mmm.

311. Yeah, I see what you mean.

312. Um, can you blow bubbles with this gum?

313. Yeah, I-I guess so.

314. What else can you blow?

315. What's your favorite flavor?

316. Um...

317. Oh, wait a minute, let me guess...

318. I bet you love the chocolate showers.

319. Am I right?

320. You know what?

321. I think I know exactly what's you want.

322. You look like straight-up vanilla to me.

323. Don't judge a book by its badge.

324. I've been known to have a sweet tooth for the dark stuff.

325. Is that right?

326. What's the expression? Ah, that's it.

327. The darker the berry...

328. The harder the slap.

329. I don't think that's it.

330. You wanna find out?

331. What can I get for you today, officer?

332. Give me a sugar cone of vanilla.

333. Great choice.

334. Two dollars.

335. Aren't you forgetting something?

336. Looks like somebody's got a freebie comin' his way!

337. I'd like my hole punched, please.

338. Fucking pervert.

339. Hey, could we get some help over here?

340. Oh, you want us to help you now?

341. Don't start with me, Jesse Jackson.

342. What can I get for you today, sir?

343. Where's my rocky road?

344. They were out.

345. They were out of rocky road?

346. Yep.

347. So you didn't think to ask me if I wanted something else?

348. Nope.

349. Fucking bitch!

350. Ay yo. Would you ever take a beginner class of Psytopics with me?

351. Psytopics?

352. - No, ma'am. - I mean, they say

353. classes could help control your reality. - And you believe that?

354. You ain't never thought about changing your reality?

355. We can change it tonight.

356. Look, all I'm saying is,

357. what if there is more to free up here

358. in order to get free out here.

359. Okay, damn, that was deep.

360. I'll meditate on that one.

361. I guess you didn't hear about Yolanda.

362. What about her?

363. She worked at Psytopics

364. for, like, six months.

365. Then, one day during class,

366. she just started bleeding from her eyes and ears.

367. - Nah! - Yeah!

368. Ask Cherry, she was there.

369. She thought her head was about to explode.

370. Yeah, that shit crazy.

371. I mean, they at least gave her a refund.

372. Oh, I hope so.

373. She sure shouldn't.

374. - Did you see that? - Yeah.

375. Hey, um, we're Barbie and Entice.

376. We should be on the guest list.

377. Oh, yeah, groupies around back.

378. - Groupies? - Oh, hell, no.

379. We ain't no groupies.

380. We're from Danger Zone.

381. What's y'all name?

382. Entice. E-N-T-I-C-E.

383. Barbie. B-A-R-B-I-E.

384. I ain't got you on the guest list.

385. Shit, see, I knew that dude was lyin'. Damn!

386. Look, are you sure?

387. You're on the artist list.

388. The artist list.

389. Yeah,

390. that's us.

391. Artists.

392. Danger Zone.

393. So, listen.

394. Green room's through that door, end of the hall.

395. Alright? Fo sho, have fun!

396. Artists we're... Artists.

397. - Ooh! - Where is it?

398. He said at the end of the hall.

399. Is this it?

400. Oh, shit!

401. - I'm sorry. - Oh, come on, $hort.

402. What happened?

403. $hort's in there.

404. For real? Then why didn't you go in?

405. He eating pussy.

406. Oh.

407. Maybe we should give him a minute then.

408. Maybe five...

409. ten minutes?

410. - End of the hall. - Right.

411. They can't wake Sleepy!

412. Sleepy Floyd is Superman!

413. Mothafucker called him Superman!

414. Hey, 'sup, y'all?

415. Danger Zone!

416. Can y'all believe this game?

417. - Sleepy goin' off! - Cool.

418. Hey, make yourself comfortable.

419. Y'all wanna drink?

420. - Sure. - No. Thanks.

421. Lenny, you know, we ain't really talk about money.

422. Right.

423. I was thinking 5% of the door.

424. Cool?

425. Hey, find me after the show, okay?

426. Alright, sure.

427. Hey, you okay?

428. Yeah, I just thought we was gonna go over it

429. at least one more time.

430. You'll feel it, okay, I promise you.

431. I need a bathroom.

432. Come on, the show's starting!

433. Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute.

434. You sure you're okay?

435. Yeah.

436. Yeah, just-just gimme a minute.

437. Aight.

438. We want $hort!

439. We want $hort! We want $hort!

440. Alright, y'all!

441. Give it up for the man y'all came to see!

442. Oakland's own,

443. Too $hort!

444. What was going through your head in the fourth quarter?

445. Um, I wasn't really thinking at all, Jim.

446. It was a strange feeling, uh,

447. as if I left my body for a few minutes of it.

448. Well, you certainly were playing like a man possessed.

449. - Congratulations. - Uh, thank you.

450. I just wanna say hi out there to my mom,

451. and my girlfriend, Andrea, watching at home.

452. We'll be right back

453. with the post-game show after the break.

454. Before I went to Psytopics, my life was outta control.

455. I was on the street.

456. I didn't care about anyone,

457. and no one cared about me.

458. But everything changed

459. when I took my first class

460. at the Spiritual Learning Center.

461. I learned there's a cosmic force all around us.

462. Anyone can tap into it, even you.

463. It's not a joke, trust me.

464. If you wanna change your life, start by trusting your mind.

465. Start by trusting Psytopics.

466. So right about now,

467. I wanna try something new.

468. I feel like battling tonight.

469. - Yeah! - Who with me?

470. But I don't think nobody crazy enough

471. to jump on this stage with Too $hort!

472. Oh, wait, hold up, hold up!

473. I think we found somebody.

474. What's this WrestleMania bullshit?

475. Is Danger Zone in the house?

476. - Okay, that's us, let's go! - Oh, no, wait.

477. - They set us up. - What?

478. - Where you at... - They wanna humiliate us.

479. What are you talking about?

480. Girl, they are calling us on stage, now, let's go!

481. I don't think they showed up.

482. They think we're a joke.

483. - Bitch, do you see me joking? - Danger Zone?

484. - I don't even know them. - There they go!

485. Give it up for Danger Zone, y'all!

486. Damn, they crazy.

487. - Y'all ready, right? - Fuck, yeah, we ready.

488. Then let's do this.

489. Ask 'em, $hort!

490. Come on.

491. Nigga...

492. You got this, don't fight it.

493. Just breathe, now, tell him.

494. Alright.

495. Let's see if y'all can top that. - Y'all better come with it.

496. Let's give it up for Danger Zone!

497. Girl!

498. The third chapter...

499. Dr. Seale's office.

500. Dr. Seale, please.

501. - Hello? - Dr. Seale, it's Clint.

502. How is she?

503. I've been trying to reach you.

504. I'm afraid she didn't make it.

505. What?

506. I'm sorry to have to tell you like this.

507. We did everything we could.

508. What do you mean? She's dead? She died?

509. I don't understand. I was just there.

510. I'm sorry, Clint.

511. She took a turn for the worse.

512. There was just too much bleeding.

513. We couldn't get her back to the OR in time.

514. What about the baby?

515. She's in the NICU. Unresponsive.

516. We're doing what we can, but it doesn't look good.

517. Where are you, Clint?

518. There are some police here.

519. They'd like to ask you some questions

520. about the, uh, the incident.

521. Any requests?

522. The Fly.

523. No. Nothing scary.

524. Sid & Nancy.

525. I wanted to watch it last year, but you said...

526. I hate that music. It's just noise.

527. It gives me a headache.

528. Oh, I said that?

529. Yup.

530. And then I said, "It's not just noise.

531. It's actually about something."

532. And what'd I say?

533. "Yeah? What's it about?"

534. And you said?

535. "Emotional anarchy."

536. Cool.

537. You said that too.

538. And then we watched The Money Pit.

539. Which was not a bad movie.

540. That actor's from Oakland.

541. He used to sell hot dogs at A's games.

542. I shook him down in the parking lot after a game once.

543. I'm pretty sure it was him.

544. I'll see if they have it.

545. Be careful.

546. Clint.

547. Hurry back.

548. Hello?

549. Just a minute.

550. What's the score?

551. Lakers up big.

552. Damn.

553. You know, we got lucky against The Mailman,

554. but these Warriors cannot keep up with Magic.

555. - Yeah, well, you never know. - I mean, look,

556. I'm just a movie guy. I don't know much about sports,

557. but it's pretty obvious the brooms are coming out tomorrow.

558. - Can't win 'em all I guess. - No, definitely cannot.

559. Which is why we love the underdogs.

560. They're a projection of ourselves.

561. We're all just a bunch of losers.

562. We cannot kill Darth Vader,

563. and we cannot win a rumble against the Soviets,

564. and we definitely cannot beat LA.

565. And yet,

566. the underdog believes they can achieve the impossible.

567. Top five underdog movies, go.

568. - Oh, I'm actually here for... - Let's begin with the obvious,

569. Rocky. Most people assume it's number one,

570. and I think it's best just to get it out of the way.

571. It's probably your number one, am I right? Nevermind.

572. Number four, it just came out last year,

573. it's already an instant classic.

574. You know where I'm going, right? Come on, basketball man.

575. Dennis Hopper, in the same year as Blue Velvet,

576. breaking our hearts both on and off the court.

577. Say it with me on three.

578. One, two, three. Hoosiers!

579. - I haven't seen it. - And you call yourself a basketball fan?

580. No. I'm just here for some movies.

581. And I'm giving them to you, Slim.

582. That's my job.

583. Number three.

584. Let's have it.

585. The Dirty Dozen.

586. - I've seen that. - Underdogs

587. on a suicide mission to kill Nazis.

588. Works on multiple levels.

589. - Right. - Number two,

590. Sidney Lumet directed this courtroom drama

591. from a perfect script by David Mamet,

592. starring Paul Newman

593. at his incomparable ambulance-chasing best.

594. The Verdict.

595. - I heard that was good. - No, you didn't.

596. What you probably heard is that it is amazing.

597. So why haven't you seen it yet?

598. Are you even ready for number one?

599. You have no idea.

600. In his review of this 1979 film,

601. Roger Ebert wrote, quote,

602. "Movies like this hardly ever get made.

603. When they're made this well,

604. they become precious cinematic miracles." Unquote.

605. - Name that picture. - Look,

606. I'm not here to play Jeopardy. I'm here for some,

607. uh, specific titles.

608. I'm trying to provide you with an experience.

609. I appreciate it. Do you have...

610. Big Trouble in Little China?

611. Somebody just checked that out. Sorry.

612. For a more nuanced portrait of San Francisco's Chinatown,

613. I recommend Chan is Missing.

614. What about Tough Guys?

615. New releases. Anything else?

616. Ruthless People.

617. And?

618. The Color of Money.

619. And I thought you were here for the movies.

620. - How much? - Five hundred.

621. Behind the curtain.

622. Good luck.

623. Hey.

624. So what's number one?

625. I'll tell you when you come out.

626. Late Night Video.

627. No, some jackass stole our entire collection.

628. But have you seen Scanners? It's basically the same idea.

629. Yeah. See ya.

630. All in, assholes!

631. Call.

632. Call?

633. You're dumber than you look, Yung. You know that?

634. I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.

635. Oh, yeah.

636. Goddammit!

637. Ouch. That looked painful.

638. Ah, shit.

639. Did that video dork let you in?

640. I bought in like everyone else.

641. Okay, look. You saw that, right?

642. Hella bad beat. I'm sorry.

643. Why didn't you say something when you came in? I...

644. I had the money ten seconds ago. It's still on the table.

645. You were in the middle of a hand.

646. Yung, do me a favor.

647. I'm sorry to ask this, but can I keep some of that

648. so I can get this clown off my back?

649. No, no, no. That's his money. I can't take his money.

650. What do you care? I'm gonna pay him back!

651. He's not gonna pay you back, Yung.

652. You're gonna have to hire a guy like me to rough him up for you.

653. It's a nasty business. Don't get involved.

654. Come on. What are you doing?

655. My job.

656. I thought you retired.

657. Aren't you having a kid?

658. Hey, congratulations, by the way.

659. Thank you.

660. Ah, kids are the best. Changed my life.

661. What do you have?

662. Two boys.

663. No.

664. What do you have for The Guy?

665. Nothing.

666. You saw what happened. Yung took my money.

667. It's right there.

668. 'Cause Asians are smarter.

669. Okay, listen. Check this out.

670. Careful.

671. Ah, er...

672. Courtside seats.

673. Game 4.

674. Warriors-Lakers.

675. These are worth at least a thousand.

676. Anybody know how much these tickets are worth?

677. Five hundred, tops.

678. What? No way, man.

679. We're talking about the showtime Lakers.

680. Jack Nicholson would pay a grand a piece.

681. Do you know Jack Nicholson?

682. No. But I'm sure I could make a few phone calls.

683. Alright? I think he'd be very interested.

684. - Okay. - Okay, what?

685. Make some calls.

686. If you can sell 'em, I'll wait.

687. Will somebody buy these?

688. - Mm-mm. - Please?

689. Two-fifty.

690. Kiss my ass, $250.

691. - Alright. Forget it then. - Forget you then.

692. Okay.

693. I'll give these tickets to The Guy.

694. I'll say they're worth $500, more or less.

695. More. Definitely more.

696. But, okay, fine. Thank you.

697. You know it's not enough though.

698. What?

699. It's not enough.

700. - Those are courtside seats. - Right or left?

701. Under the basket.

702. Right...

703. or left?

704. Come on, Clint. Is this necessary?

705. You want me to choose?

706. Fuck it.

707. Ow!

708. - Ooh. - Fuck!

709. Ah, you're alright.

710. - Fucking A! Fuck! - This yours?

711. Fuck!

712. Yeah.

713. - You okay to drive? Yeah? - Yeah.

714. Well, fellas...

715. I'm officially retired.

716. - Yeah! - Good luck, homie.

717. What happened to the other guy?

718. What other guy?

719. The other dude who works here.

720. He was gonna tell me the best underdog movie of all time.

721. I'm the only one here today.

722. No, there was another guy.

723. A little older. Maybe the owner?

724. But you're the owner, sir.

725. You've always been the owner.

726. I'm just fucking with you. That was Hank.

727. He's hella intense, huh?

728. Oh, he's just on his lunch break, so...

729. Uh, your nose...

730. Here.

731. Go Warriors.

732. Credit to the Lakers. They just know how to win.

733. Aw!

734. You'll watch it with me?

735. Cost me 90 bucks, you bet your ass I'm gonna watch it with you.

736. - You bought this? - I ran the numbers, and I figured

737. we still come out ahead on late fees.

738. So?

739. You know what this is?

740. A fist of fury.

741. It was a fist of fury.

742. Now it's just a hand.

743. - So no more punching? - No more punching.

744. At least not for money.

745. Well, damn, baby, let's celebrate!

746. Okay, but before we go to Reno, can we stop at Cody's?

747. This new lady at work said that she has this Psytopics book.

748. She said it'll change my life.

749. You don't need a book to change your life, baby.

750. Look at me.

751. You know who I am?

752. - No. - Look closer.

753. Subtract seven years from my face.

754. Now imagine,

755. I'm watching you kill my father.

756. It ends when The Guy says it ends!

757. Stop!

758. I'm sorry.

759. I'm not the same person that did that to your father.

760. The thing is,

761. I don't care.

762. Don't watch it without me, okay?

763. No...

764. No, no, no, no.

765. No, no, no!

766. Hey, mister, you wanna buy a tape?

767. I made this East Bay mix special for you.

768. Nah, kid, uh...

769. It's got Too $hort, and I know you like $hort.

770. Richie Rich, Tower of Power.

771. And if you don't like all that rap stuff,

772. it's got Sly and the Family Stone,

773. The Pointer Sisters,

774. Sheila E., The Grateful Dead,

775. Operation Ivy, and Metallica,

776. if you're a rock and roll guy.

777. Trade you for these.

778. Pleasure doing business with you.

779. It's fucking awesome.

780. - I love it, thank you. - Of course.

781. Oh, shit, whoa-oh!

782. Wait, you might wanna put that away.

783. You're late.

784. What's this?

785. Your fee.

786. It's light.

787. It's a taste.

788. Keep your taste, I want the entrée.

789. We got one more job for you.

790. - The Warrior thing. - The Warrior thing?

791. The basketball guys.

792. Can't talk about it here.

793. Yesterday was the last, last job.

794. I did it, I'm done.

795. Fuck you.

796. Okay, I do not have time for this.

797. You are 30 minutes late.

798. I'm gonna make this real easy for you.

799. You got two choices.

800. You take that envelope, give it to The Guy,

801. you pray he takes mercy on you,

802. 'cause that is nowhere near your debt.

803. Might be enough to buy you another day.

804. How you pay tomorrow's up to you.

805. What's he gonna do? Make me break my own legs?

806. You've seen these younger guys in action.

807. Cooper, Tuck. They truly do not give a fuck.

808. They take a little too much joy in the work.

809. A lot more than you ever did.

810. And my second choice?

811. Slide that envelope back across the table,

812. do one more job with me and my crew tonight.

813. One more job. When's it ever end?

814. It ends when The Guy says it ends.

815. You forgot about door number three.

816. There's no door number three.

817. Door number three is...

818. I see you in hell in a gasoline suit.

819. Okay.

820. Door number three it is.

821. You know what this means, right?

822. Everybody's on the table.

823. You, your family, your fuckin' dog,

824. The Guy's coming after everybody.

825. Well, I don't have a dog.

826. And my parents died when I was 15,

827. and my pregnant wife was murdered yesterday.

828. The Guy wants me, he knows where to find me.

829. But you may wanna warn him...

830. I got nothing left.

831. Pain, Clint.

832. Maybe you don't mind dying,

833. but he's gonna collect on that pain before you do.

834. Good.

835. I've caused a lot of people a lot of pain in this town.

836. Maybe it's my turn to bleed a little.

837. Can I see it?

838. Who's it for?

839. Nazis.

840. Aim for the neck.

841. Clint Flood?

842. We need you to ID a suspect.

843. For the Warriors in this Game 4,

844. the backcourt will be Sleepy Floyd and Chris Mullin...

845. The underdog believes he can do the impossible.

846. Defeat the bully,

847. sell enough mixtapes to get out of the hood,

848. break enough bones to pay off his father's debt.

849. I'm done believing.

850. I'm gonna die today.

851. Most people go their whole lives not knowing when they're gonna die,

852. fearing death.

853. But I can say with certainty,

854. this underdog has seen his last day.

855. I'm okay with it.

856. My time has come.

857. And that's okay.

858. You hear what they found in the kid's car?

859. - What? - Psytopics Tape.

860. Psytopics? They do the freaky commercials with the green eyes, right?

861. Thanks.

862. Yeah.

863. Okay. I guess you better tell him then.

864. It's for you.

865. - Hello? - Clint?

866. Jesus Christ, it's Dr. Seale.

867. I have good news, Clint.

868. Your daughter is going to make it.

869. She's in stable condition, she's responsive,

870. she's very much alive.

871. She's alive?

872. Yes. Yes, goddammit, she's alive.

873. It's a fuckin' miracle.

874. Now get your ass back to the hospital

875. and meet your girl. You hear me?

876. - Yeah. - Are you coming back?

877. Yeah.

878. I just have to do, uh...

879. I just have to do one thing.

880. Congratulations.

881. Looks like you have something left after all.

882. Number three, raise your head.

883. Yeah, just keep looking.

884. Take your time. We're not in a hurry.

885. Number three.

886. Step forward.

887. He's right in front of you.

888. It ain't him.

889. Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen.

890. I've gotta get my daughter from the hospital,

891. and pick another day to die.

892. Final chapter...

893. Larry Smith, Rolling Fort, Mississippi.

894. Eight points per game, but rebounds are his specialty.

895. He scored 15 points in Game 3.

896. Has no parents in town,

897. but he's got a girlfriend sitting in his comped seats,

898. row 12, section C.

899. He had a childhood friend come in town last night.

900. Staying in some shitty motor lodge off Helgenberger.

901. That's some friend.

902. Chris Mullin, three-time Big East Player of the Year.

903. Guy's got a Gold Medal from the '84 Olympics,

904. but it's a high-risk, low reward collectible

905. from some guy nobody's heard of.

906. - Mmm. - It's his second season,

907. he already blew most of his bonus on booze.

908. He's a lush, and for what it's worth,

909. he's the only white guy on the team.

910. Okay, fine, leave him off the list. Next.

911. Purvis Short,

912. Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

913. What is it with this team and all these Mississippi boys?

914. Fun fact, he was the fifth overall draft pick in 1978.

915. You know who went sixth?

916. Do I look like a basketball encyclopedia?

917. Larry Bird.

918. - Wow! - Larry Bird.

919. Yeah, well, that is a fun fact.

920. Why are these teams so afraid to pick a white man, huh?

921. Excuse me. Hey, Troy!

922. Yeah, meet me in the truck.

923. Yeah, Dad?

924. Now what are you boys up to tonight?

925. Just gonna drive around and shit,

926. maybe beat up some fags.

927. Cool, and do you need anything?

928. No.

929. Are you sure?

930. Yeah, alright.

931. Thanks, Dad.

932. Just fill her up when you're done, okay?

933. Good kids, fine people.

934. Please, go on.

935. Uh, Purvis Short, they call him The Rainbow Man because...

936. 'Cause he's a fag!

937. Is that because he's a fag?

938. Uh, he's got a unique arc to his jump shot.

939. Okay, okay, okay, listen, I'm gonna stop you there, okay?

940. Now, I respect your attention to detail, I really do,

941. but I'm gonna request from here on out,

942. no more fun facts.

943. Because I don't need to know

944. how many shots Terry Teagle made in high school in 1977,

945. what Chris Washburn was smoking on draft night last year,

946. or if Joe Barry Carroll's nickname is Joe Barely Cares,

947. then so is mine.

948. I only wanna know, A, where do they live?

949. B, what's in their house?

950. Is there anything worth taking?

951. And C, will the house be empty

952. on the night of the game?

953. Now with all that in mind, please continue.

954. Eric "Sleepy" Floyd.

955. He's an All-Star point guard out of Georgetown.

956. What did I just tell you?

957. Uh, he lives alone.

958. He's got a nice house on Skyline Boulevard.

959. His family's in town from North Carolina,

960. sister, brother, and mother, they're all staying with him,

961. and they all attended the last game,

962. so there's no reason to believe they won't be there on Sunday.

963. My source says that he's a collector of ancient Asian art.

964. He has a hidden vault in his house

965. with some extremely rare, extremely valuable items.

966. Well, well, well, how does he afford that?

967. Well, he makes around 200 grand per season, sir.

968. Most players spend this on cars, coke, and pussy,

969. but he spent his on a fine art collection at Christie's

970. and I've got the auction logs to prove it.

971. Good, add his name to the list.

972. He's fine, he'll be in there for hours sometimes,

973. eyes closed, just clearing his head.

974. There's five of them.

975. So?

976. So Ted said there would be three,

977. sister, brother, and mother.

978. So there's a sister, brother, mother, plus a sister and a brother, who cares?

979. I just don't like when the intel's off.

980. You wanna find a phone, call Ted?

981. We're an hour from tip-off.

982. He's already at Teagle's house.

983. Well, what do you wanna do?

984. Fuck it. Let's go.

985. A.C. Green and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

986. While these knuckleheads broke into Sleepy's house

987. looking for his art collection,

988. his girlfriend, mother, brother, sister,

989. and college friend from Georgetown

990. were settling in for Game 4 over in East Oakland.

991. Tickets! Who needs tickets?

992. I got two seats under the basket.

993. To nobody's surprise,

994. the showtime Lakers dominated the first three games

995. and showed no signs of slowing down early in this one.

996. Just as this legend let go of this beautiful skyhook over...

997. These porn star,

998. mustache-looking motherfuckers were snatching up his girl's jewelry.

999. By half-time, eight different crews

1000. were hitting up eight players' homes

1001. and I guess these cats didn't get the memo not to fuck

1002. with Chris Mullin...

1003. 'cause they took homeboy's shit too,

1004. including his 1984 Olympic Gold Medal.

1005. And this piece of shit right here

1006. killed Terry Teagle's regal beagle.

1007. And these dudes finally found Sleepy's secret vault.

1008. I found it!

1009. Michael Thompson meets Kareem underneath,

1010. Kareem with a skyhook!

1011. Great shot by Kareem, really nice pass.

1012. As expected, the Lakers continued to roll in the second half,

1013. building a 14-point lead after three quarters.

1014. About this time,

1015. Sleepy's mom started feeling a little queasy,

1016. it wasn't serious, but...

1017. I shouldn't have had that second hot dog.

1018. You see, Sleepy's mom had recently experimented

1019. with becoming a vegetarian.

1020. In 1987, it proved difficult to sustain the practice

1021. in small town North Carolina.

1022. She had just reintroduced small doses of meat into her diet.

1023. And two Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum hot dogs

1024. - were perhaps one too many. - It was good though.

1025. Sleepy's girlfriend, Andrea Harris,

1026. volunteered to escort Sleepy's ill mother home.

1027. With the underdogs down 14,

1028. Sleepy's Georgetown roommate, Kelvin Quick,

1029. agreed to stay and return home

1030. with Sleepy and his sister, Renee, after the game.

1031. What happened next has been hotly debated over the years,

1032. but this is the tale as I know it to be.

1033. Oh, my God, guys! Sleepy Floyd, he is on fire!

1034. Do you still want me to fix you some tea?

1035. That'll be good.

1036. What is that smell?

1037. Smells like something's burning.

1038. Why is the TV on so loud?

1039. Who the fuck are you?

1040. Shut up and get on the floor!

1041. Get on the floor!

1042. Fuck, man, we gotta go.

1043. Welcome back to the Coliseum,

1044. where nothing is what as it seems tonight.

1045. Lakers with the basketball! Throw by... Stolen by Floyd!

1046. He's in multiple places at once!

1047. Sleepy puts the ball in the court...

1048. a layup. He scored!

1049. Unreal! He's unconscious!

1050. What a shot! Sleepy has 19 in the quarter,

1051. and I need to catch my breath!

1052. So do I, Greg.

1053. All I can say is, Sleepy Floyd's mom somewhere

1054. is mighty proud of her son tonight.

1055. Still high on his record-breaking fourth quarter,

1056. a record that still stands to this day,

1057. Sleepy and his crew decided to hit up Giant Burger

1058. on MacArthur Boulevard.

1059. They ordered six quarter-pound giant burgers

1060. and a veggie burger for Mom.

1061. While they waited for their order,

1062. other customers recognized Sleepy

1063. and a minor riot ensued.

1064. Fun fact, I was there that night

1065. with the Danger Zone ladies,

1066. and I attempted to pay for Sleepy's order,

1067. but Sleepy wasn't having it.

1068. Instead, he paid for everybody's burgers and shakes that night.

1069. Hey, hey, what happened? I live here.

1070. Mr. Floyd, I'm very sorry.

1071. We can't let you in the house yet.

1072. Why? Yo, what's going on, is my family inside?

1073. There was a burglary.

1074. They attempted to drill into your vault,

1075. but it appears they were interrupted before they got in.

1076. I'm very sorry to inform you...

1077. His brother was shot,

1078. but alive in a coma.

1079. His mother was alive, but fainted from the shock.

1080. His girlfriend, Andrea, though,

1081. dead on the scene.

1082. Andrea didn't make it.

1083. Hey, it's Chris Mullin.

1084. They hit us all, but nobody else got hurt.

1085. Can I talk to Sleepy?

1086. Hey, Chris,

1087. appreciate the call, but he...

1088. he's not ready to talk to anybody.

1089. I understand. Tell him we're all standing by.

1090. We're here for him whenever he's ready.

1091. Thank you, Chris.

1092. Hey, we're all here for you, man.

1093. Just let me know when you wanna talk.

1094. Hello.

1095. I need to talk to Sleepy Floyd.

1096. - Who is this? - Never mind who I am,

1097. just put him on the phone.

1098. Look, I don't know who you are, but we just had a tragedy here.

1099. Okay? Sleepy's not talking to anybody.

1100. I promise you, he'll wanna hear what I have to say.

1101. Hey, I already told you, now is not a good time.

1102. Call back later.

1103. - Who was that? - Uh, some chick said

1104. she has something to tell Sleepy. I don't know.

1105. Hmm.

1106. - Who's this? - Is this Sleepy Floyd?

1107. - Yeah. - Okay, listen to me.

1108. I know who killed your girlfriend.

1109. Turns out, these two punks overheard

1110. some freaky shit over in San Leandro

1111. earlier that day.

1112. We have one last job for you.

1113. - The Warrior thing. - The Warrior thing?

1114. The basketball guys. Can't talk about it here.

1115. They told Sleepy about "the basketball guys" comment

1116. and how they followed this dude when he left the diner.

1117. I mean, we were just fucking around, you know,

1118. killing time with some Blue Velvet mystery-type shit.

1119. We didn't really think anything was gonna happen.

1120. But then we heard the news, and we thought you might wanna know.

1121. So they gave him the address, where they followed him,

1122. before they had to hop off quick

1123. and take care of some business of their own.

1124. - They're here! - Shit, we gotta go.

1125. Sorry for your loss,

1126. Mr. Floyd.

1127. Thank you both for being here.

1128. I'm gonna go to sleep now.

1129. Whoo!

1130. What the fuck is this?

1131. You lost, boy?

1132. Man asked you a question, son.

1133. Now, I'm only gonna say this once...

1134. You fall asleep back there?

1135. Hey, who the fuck are you?

1136. Fuck!

1137. Come on!

1138. Anyone else seeing this?

1139. Son of a bitch, that is nice.

1140. Life's funny sometimes.

1141. You realize, if she'd just stayed in her seat,

1142. and watched her man play the best fucking game of his life, then...

1143. that'd be mine.

1144. And your old lady would still be yours.

1145. Hey.

1146. Good game tonight.

1147. Sir.

1148. Floyd's out there slicing people up with a sword.

1149. Can you repeat that?

1150. 'Cause it sounded to me like you said

1151. someone's in my house

1152. and they're slicing people up with a sword?

1153. Yes, sir, that's what I said.

1154. We've got that cleared up, good.

1155. - Who the fuck is Floyd? - The basketball player,

1156. Sleepy Floyd.

1157. - Of course. - I don't know how the fuck

1158. he found us so fast.

1159. Well, you killed the man's family, Travis.

1160. You know what that means, don't you?

1161. That means

1162. you don't get to fucking decide

1163. when he comes for his revenge!

1164. You're on his timeline now.

1165. Yeah?

1166. Is he still alive?

1167. Tuck's crew busted him up pretty good in the van.

1168. Not for long.

1169. What about Floyd?

1170. Did you think about just going and shooting him?

1171. Um, I dumped my piece in the bay, sir, just like you said.

1172. And from a legal standpoint,

1173. that was the right thing to do.

1174. So...

1175. Let's teach this clown how to juggle.

1176. Let's go.

1177. Hey, asshole.

1178. You ruined my party.

1179. Now tell me something.

1180. Did you do this all by yourself,

1181. or do you have Dopey and Sneezy

1182. hiding in a closet somewhere?

1183. Huh?

1184. Hey, Sleepy.

1185. Wake up and die.

1186. No... God.

1187. Oh, wait a second. I don't understand, oh, oh!

1188. Argh!

1189. Dad!

1190. Hey.

1191. What happened here?

1192. By the look of things,

1193. I'd say your daddy fucked with the wrong warrior.

1194. Sleepy Floyd is Superman!

1195. And... set.

1196. Background!

1197. Marker.

1198. Action!

1199. Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.

1200. I recently scored 29 points in a single quarter

1201. against the world champion, Los Angeles Lakers,

1202. an NBA record,

1203. and not everyone can do what I did.

1204. After all, I am Superman.

1205. But if you put your mind to it,

1206. you can achieve your goals too.

1207. Join me this weekend at the Oakland Coliseum Annex

1208. for Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake seminar

1209. sponsored by Psytopics Learning Center.

1210. At my workshop, we'll teach you how to practice

1211. mindfulness and relaxation under stressful circumstances.

1212. Licensed Psytopics instructors

1213. will provide you the techniques to go deep within your mind

1214. to defend yourself against the inner,

1215. and outer demons in your life.

1216. And for those attending the advanced session on Sunday,

1217. you'll learn how to infiltrate and destroy your enemies

1218. from the comfort of your own mind.

1219. Trust me, you won't wanna miss Sunday.

1220. So join me this weekend, all ages are welcome.

1221. And if you're a racist Nazi scumbag,

1222. you know who you are,

1223. we have a special one-time-only free admission,

1224. because Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar...

1225. will blow your mind!

1226. Late Night Video. Hey, Corky.

1227. Of course, we have it,

1228. Raiders of The Lost Ark, I've got five copies.

1229. Bring back the other one and make sure you rewind it,

1230. 'cause I'm gonna charge you. Yes, I am.

1231. Oh, you too.