1. Halloween just got awesome, bitches!
Copy !req
2. Prepare for the entrance of Lord Vader.
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3. Give yourself to the Dark Side.
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4. It's the only way you can save—
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5. You wore the same thing last year.
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6. - You son of a bitch.
- I'm sorry, guys. My codpiece is killing me.
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7. It's totally restricting my junk.
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8. You're gonna spill it or fill it, dude?
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9. Zoe.
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10. - Hi.
- Oh, my God. It's been a long time.
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11. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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12. You are... something with tampons.
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13. I'm Picasso's Blue Period.
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14. - Get it? Blue Period.
- Hmm.
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15. And you are?
Corporate sleaze?
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16. Car salesman.
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17. I came straight from work, so this is—
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18. - Weak as usual, Bottler.
- Thank you.
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19. Are you here
for a reunion with the boys?
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20. Nope. That's just a pleasant surprise.
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21. Watch the cape, uh, uh—
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22. Well, enter at your own risk.
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23. Oh, my God.
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24. You guys have both got to stop
perpetuating this myth ...
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25. that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass.
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26. All right? He has a jet pack.
So did the Rocketeer.
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27. - Really cool.
- Here we go.
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28. When it comes time for battle, the man's
Michael Bay— all style, no substance.
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29. If you diss the Fett again ...
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30. I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!
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31. You got a lot of nerve
showing your face around here.
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32. Give Daddy a huggy.
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33. - Yeah!
- Stop.
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34. You little bastard, I missed you.
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35. I hope that's just your blaster poking me.
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36. - God, it's been parsecs.
- Yeah, it's good to see you too, man.
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37. - Linus.
- Hmm.
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38. - It's been, like, a year now, right?
- Three.
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39. You still drawing?
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40. No. I bailed on that shit after high school.
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41. - How's life in the auto trade?
- Still second in command to the old man.
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42. Um, you?
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43. Comic book store's still afloat...
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44. but the geeks aren't biting
like the old days.
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45. You?
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46. Get my money together so I can
start my detailing business.
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47. I'm gonna call it the Hutch Touch.
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48. That's funny. I could've sworn that you were
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49. delivering pizza and living
in your mom's garage.
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50. It's not a garage.
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51. It's a carriage house.
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52. - Carriage house.
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53. How is your carriage?
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54. Ah! Ah! Ah!
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55. Hey, uh, have any of you guys
seen the phone jack?
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56. Uh, no, but I have seen
the social retard ...
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57. who brought his Toughbook to a party.
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58. I promised Rogue Leader
I'd write her back tonight.
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59. Oh, God.
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60. - She is my girlfriend.
- On-line girlfriend.
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61. I met her in a Jedi chat room.
The woman is perfect.
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62. She's intelligent and acerbic and, uh—
and a die-hard fan.
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63. She's even got connections
inside the Lucas camp.
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64. Who's also got
a man package and a goatee.
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65. You guys are all just jealous
because she describes herself...
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66. as a cross between
Sarah Michelle Gellar...
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67. - and Janeane Garofalo.
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68. Tell 'em how you described yourself.
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69. I was perfectly honest with her.
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70. You said you looked like
a white Billy Dee Williams.
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71. You called yourself white chocolate.
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72. - I am white chocolate.
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73. - Oh, oh! Windows, it's my turn.
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74. - Give it to me.
- Midnight. Another day down.
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75. Ah! Okay.
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76. Official Episode I countdown...
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77. is 6 months, 12 days,
eight hours and some change.
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78. I would sell my soul to see
that movie right here right now.
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79. Dude, I would sell my left nut.
And I only have the one nut.
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80. So you see how serious I am?
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81. I cannot listen to this shit
for another six months.
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82. Oh, shush your mouth, woman.
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83. You know, we could see the movie.
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84. - Oh, please, not this again.
- Oh, yes, please, this again.
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85. "Tell us about the rabbits, George.
George."
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86. Imagine.
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87. Okay?
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88. We drive across the country in one night.
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89. We break into the Skywalker Ranch ...
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90. and steal ourselves a print.
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91. Yeah!
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92. You guys have been talking about this
since the fifth grade, okay?
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93. - It's not gonna happen.
- Why the hell not?
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94. Well, first of all, it's 2,000 miles away.
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95. Second of all, even if you could get there,
you'd be arrested.
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96. It's been a blast, Bottler.
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97. Way to douche up the party.
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98. Nothing is impossible.
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99. And I'll guarantee I'll find you a new
or used car, or my name isn't Big Chuck.
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100. - Right, girls?
- Ooh-hoo!
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101. Hoo!
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102. Yeah!
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103. All right!
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104. Attaboy, Eric.
Now, see, that's some slick advertising.
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105. Thanks, Pop.
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106. Reminds me of, what, that
Terry Bruckheimer movies.
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107. Yeah. Top Gun.
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108. - Thanks.
- Hiya, Eric.
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109. I'll handle this, Myron.
Thanks.
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110. - Hey.
- We're in the market for some used droids.
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111. I should start you guys off
with a new set of wheels first...
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112. unless you're cool riding
around in the same rusted old shit box...
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113. you've had since the 10th grade.
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114. Hey, hey, hey!
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115. She may not look like much,
but she's got it where it counts.
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116. Uh, why are you guys here?
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117. Do you wanna look around
the lot a little bit, drive something? What?
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118. No. Uh, we came to talk about Linus.
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119. Well, he just needs to realize
that people lose touch.
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120. - That's just kind of the way things work.
- He's dying, Eric.
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121. - What?
- He's got cancer, man.
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122. He's tried everything to get better,
but nothing seems to work.
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123. Odds say three, four months maybe.
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124. And you guys are telling me this now?
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125. We wanted to tell you
months ago, honestly...
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126. but Linus made us promise
not to say anything.
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127. The way we see it, you guys have been
best friends since, like, first grade.
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128. So we figured you got the right to know.
You got the right to make your peace.
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129. How am I supposed to make my peace
when the guy doesn't even want me to know?
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130. With all due respect, Eric,
this isn't about you.
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131. - I—You know what?
- Holy shit.
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132. - Jesus Christ.
- If it ain't C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.
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133. What did you just say,
you giant bastard?
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134. - Well, well put.
- Thank you.
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135. - Still see you're driving the nerd-mobile.
- Chaz, you're an idiot.
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136. Hey, you know what? While you're out here sticking G. I. Joes up your butt...
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137. I convinced Dad to let me
recut the commercial.
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138. So suck it. Huh?
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139. Aw, see, you flinched.
That's gonna be two, Princess Leia.
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140. Nanu-nanu.
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141. Get a haircut.
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142. We should have killed him
when we had the chance.
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143. Yeah.
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144. Jackass.
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145. Linus is coming over
to the carriage house later. So are you.
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146. Bye, Eric.
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147. No lightning! No lightning!
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148. - Aw, shit. I'm a midget.
- I'm gonna flatten your ass right now.
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149. Ah!
Suck it, Count Fagula.
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150. Wow!
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151. - There's no teaming up. That's a rule!
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152. Ow! Head cramp!
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153. Don't kill me.
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154. - Hey.
- Donkey balls.
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155. You made it, man.
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156. Your mom said clean up this shit-hole
or no grilled cheese for a week?
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157. That's emotional blackmail,
and you know it!
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158. - Screw you!
- I will sue you! Renter's rights!
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159. - You don't pay rent!
- Damn. Damn!
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160. - What the hell is he doing here, man?
- It was Hutch's idea.
Copy !req
161. Grab a controller.
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162. We're ganging up on Windows in Mario Kart.
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163. I can't.
I came to talk to Linus actually.
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164. Can I talk to you alone, man?
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165. Linus. Hey, stop walking.
Linus! Hold up, man.
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166. Stop. What the hell, man?
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167. - I did nothing to you.
- Exactly. You did nothing.
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168. Absolutely nothing.
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169. Eric Bottler graduates high school
and never looks back.
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170. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!
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171. What plan?
To be the next big thing in comics?
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172. Come on, man.
That was never gonna happen.
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173. I did what I had to do, dude. I grew up.
I'm the only one who did.
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174. - Look at you guys.
- You can fool everybody...
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175. with this cheap suit,
salesman-of-the-year pitch.
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176. But I know you better than anybody...
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177. and deep down,
you are one miserable son of a bitch.
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178. - Miserable, huh?
- Yeah. Miserable.
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179. Miserable is wasting your life
in Hutch's garage playing video games...
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180. arguing whether or not
Luke really had a thing for Leia.
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181. You know as well as anybody...
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182. that as soon as Luke knew Leia
was his sister, it was hands off.
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183. They still kiss.
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184. That was Leia kissing Luke
to make Han jealous.
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185. That was the second time.
The first time—
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186. The first time they're about to die!
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187. - They were not, you liar.
- They were swinging 30,000 feet in the air.
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188. You know when you're a sibling, okay?
There's something innate.
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189. There's no telepathy between
Luke and Leia till Episode Vl.
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190. It spans the ocean.
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191. It was romance in a sci-fi opera!
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192. Who cares about this shit, man? Huh?
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193. - Who cares about—
- I do. I care.
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194. - You need a new car.
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195. They were siblings.
They were siblings, you sick bastard!
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196. You are trapped now.
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197. You've made your last mistake.
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198. We need to talk.
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199. Sure, Pop.
What's up?
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200. Okay. Here's the deal.
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201. It's time for the world
to see the new face of this company.
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202. And his name's Big Eric.
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203. Big Eric who?
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204. - Big Eric you.
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205. It's all yours, kiddo.
The entire shebang.
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206. All 15 locations, from here to Seattle.
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207. - I mean— Uh, yes.
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208. Yeah. I mean, wow.
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209. - Take the hat.
- I can't take your hat.
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210. Go ahead.
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211. No, really.
It looks good on you.
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212. - Take the hat.
- But it's really—
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213. - Take the damn hat.
- Yeah. I'll wear it for—
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214. My God. Your mom would be so proud
to see you in that hat.
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215. I know, Pop.
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216. Hey. You and me?
Tanning Tuesdays?
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217. You want to take your shirt off.
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218. You want to take your shirt off. God.
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219. - You wanna take that shirt off?
- Asshole.
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220. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit
on me since the eighth grade.
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221. - It doesn't work.
- Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
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222. He's been geeking out
with Rogue Leader all morning.
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223. - Nothing can tear him away.
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224. - Ah!
- Rogue Leader, you are wicked.
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225. Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air
on my naked breasts.
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226. Oh, ho-ho!
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227. See that?
Man's immune to sweater yams.
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228. What about me?
I like sweater yams!
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229. Hey.
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230. What'll it be, fellas?
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231. - How much for the phaser gun?
- For the phaser gun?
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232. Sorry, Garfunkel.
We don't hock Trek here.
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233. Well, then, Slim,
if you don't sell the Trek...
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234. then why do you have
a phaser gun in the case?
Copy !req
235. We keep this one here to suss out
Trekkie bitches like yourself...
Copy !req
236. and tell them to get
the hell off of our land.
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237. So get the hell off of our land.
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238. Get the hell off of our land!
Get the hell out of here! Now!
Copy !req
239. Get out of here,
you Kirk-lovin'Spock-suckersl
Copy !req
240. - Hey.
- Hey.
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241. You guys know where a guy can pawn off
a first edition Eric Bottler comic?
Copy !req
242. - Hey!
- Holy cannolis.
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243. Look at that.
Yeah. That's awesome.
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244. Dude, you had sick skills back then.
You should've stuck with it, brother.
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245. Yeah. I would've been broke and living
in my parents' garage.
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246. - It's a carriage house.
- Right. I know it is.
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247. I have something else
that you guys might wanna check out.
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248. Well, what have we got here?
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249. Ohio to Calif or—
Is this what I think it is?
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250. Linus laid the whole thing out
in fifth grade.
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251. I figure it's time
for another epic journey, isn't it?
Copy !req
252. What's your game plan?
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253. We storm the ranch, or we die trying.
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254. Yeah.
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255. Well, you guys were
all about this at the party.
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256. - We were six Zimas to the wind at the party.
- Drunk.
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257. Come on. You even said the Rogue Leader
has connections inside the ranch, right?
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258. Rogue Leader? Please, man.
Windows never even met him.
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259. - Her!
- Him.
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260. - Maybe it's time that he does.
- Dude, this is a suicide mission, man.
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261. Why would we even try anything like this?
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262. For Linus.
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263. - Huh?
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264. No.
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265. - No?
- No. I'm not going.
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266. Aw, Linus, you've got to go.
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267. This is a conquest for the ages.
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268. Our names shall become legend ...
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269. spoken in hushed tones
by nerds across the galaxy.
Copy !req
270. And we'll get laid.
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271. - Okay, please stop that.
- Sorry. I was getting into that.
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272. I just don't wanna go
with Opie over there.
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273. Check this out, man.
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274. Floor plans to the Lucas Ranch.
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275. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Are you kidding? How did you get these?
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276. My life partner, Rogue Leader,
she can break us in, man.
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277. The question you got to ask yourself is...
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278. "Do you have the nut sack
to go through with it?"
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279. If I do this, it doesn't change anything.
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280. I'll grab my suitcase
and some Big League Chew.
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281. - Yes!
- ThunderCats! Ho!
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282. - Told you. I knew he'd go.
- Stop humping.
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283. Please stop humping.
Just high five.
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284. - Oh, God. I'm Jabba the Hump.
- Oh, God damn it.
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285. - Chewie!
- Chewie! Damn it!
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286. Wait a second. Whoa.
What the hell's Chewie?
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287. It's the same rules as shotgun.
Either way, I always lose.
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288. - Furball, you do the honors?
- Yeah.
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289. Strap in, fellas.
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290. Whoo!
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291. What the hell, Hutch?
It's all Rush.
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292. - Ever want a little variety?
- Rush is variety, bitch.
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293. - Oh!
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294. Rule number one:
in my van, it's Rush.
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295. All Rush, all the time.
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296. No exceptions.
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297. Rule number two:
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298. nobody touch the red button.
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299. And I mean never touch the red button.
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300. Most importantly,
rule number three:
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301. there's no jerking it in my van.
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302. What?
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303. - Fine.
Copy !req
304. Don't roll your eyes at me, Admiral Jackbar.
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305. "Established in 1985...
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306. "the Skywalker Ranch
is the headquarters...
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307. of George Lucas's film making empire."
Copy !req
308. So according to Rogue Leader's map...
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309. our best odds for finding
the film is in here— the main house.
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310. Oh, my God.
That place is legendary.
Copy !req
311. And we meet Rogue Leader at a coffee shop
in Texas Wednesday, 3:00 p.m. sharp.
Copy !req
312. Mm-hmm.
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313. She's gonna give us
absolutely everything we need ...
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314. - to get into the compound.
- Nice.
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315. White chocolate finally gets
to meet his dream girl.
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316. - Oh!
- Ooh! Ooh!
Copy !req
317. Well, according to this,
80 West is our fastest route.
Copy !req
318. So we got 26 hours
to make it to Texas, boys.
Copy !req
319. Consider it done.
Copy !req
320. - Wakey, wakey. Hands off steakey.
Copy !req
321. - It's time for Hutch's pit stop.
- Where are we?
Copy !req
322. Some say heaven.
I like to call it Iowa.
Copy !req
323. Iowa?
What about Rogue Leader?
Copy !req
324. - Iowa?
- Yeah. I made a little detour.
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325. Hutch, we're supposed
to be going to Texas.
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326. Welcome to Riverside, gentlemen ...
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327. future birthplace of one
Captain James T. Kirk.
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328. Enemy territory! Nice.
Copy !req
329. - Man, you drove all night for this?
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330. Dude, I'd drive all year for the chance
to pimp slap some Trekkies.
Copy !req
331. You know what?
Leave me out of it.
Copy !req
332. Let's crack some Trekkie skulls!
Copy !req
333. Let's do it!
Copy !req
334. And it is believed
that on this very spot...
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335. Captain James Tiberius Kirk will be born.
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336. Hence, the statue immortalizing him ...
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337. grappling with his most accursed nemesis.
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338. Ricardo Montalbán?
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339. Genetically engineered tyrant Khan.
Copy !req
340. - It doesn't look like either of them.
- Thank you for pointing that out.
Copy !req
341. That is because the whores at Viacom
International threatened to sue us...
Copy !req
342. if we used their likenesses,
so we make do.
Copy !req
343. Yes. The gentleman in the beige.
Copy !req
344. I was wondering what did Sulu find
in Captain Kirk's lavatory.
Copy !req
345. Sulu clearly found a standard issue
Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device.
Copy !req
346. I believe it was the Captain's log.
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347. - Very good.
Copy !req
348. A laugh a day keeps the doctor away,
everyone. We've been saved.
Copy !req
349. - Ooh.
- Any other comic relief?
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350. - Ah!
- There's still homeless out there.
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351. - Hey!
- Yes! What? You! What? Yes.
Copy !req
352. What is the Klingon translation
for, "You're gonna die a virgin"?
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353. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Hilarious, everyone.
Copy !req
354. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds
here to mock Roddenberry.
Copy !req
355. Congratulations, gentlemen,
but I would like to see...
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356. your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone.
Copy !req
357. And we'll see who's laughing then.
Am I right?
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358. Darth Vader can put the entire
Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Copy !req
359. Uh, Darth Vader has asthma...
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360. so name me one Star Trek character
with a respiratory disease...
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361. 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
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362. Name me one
Star Wars character who's gay.
Copy !req
363. - Yeah.
- Besides you.
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364. Well, no one's gay in Star Trek,
so why would I even do that?
Copy !req
365. Captain Picard.
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366. Captain Picard is not gay.
He's British.
Copy !req
367. I hate to break it to you losers,
but Han Solo's a bitch.
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368. Ah, no, he didn't. No, he didn't.
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369. What did you just say?
Copy !req
370. - Is there a problem here?
- Yeah, there sure is, Spock.
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371. The admiral here just
called Han Solo a bitch.
Copy !req
372. - Good one.
- Some pretty strong words for a Trekkie.
Copy !req
373. A Trekkie is derogatory
at this point in the game.
Copy !req
374. Trekker is what we're called now.
Trekker.
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375. Oh, I'm sorry.
Trekkie.
Copy !req
376. - Just take a look-see here.
Copy !req
377. What's with the man-purse?
Copy !req
378. - Yep. As I thought...
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379. - scanner reads "douche bag."
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380. Push me, I'll kill your whole Starfleet.
Copy !req
381. - Unbelievable!
Copy !req
382. Snikt! Snikt!
Come on, bub!
Copy !req
383. Attack, you cowards!
That's an order!
Copy !req
384. - Hutch!
- Cover me, Windows!
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385. Evasive maneuvers!
Evasive maneuvers!
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386. - My ear!
- Ha-ha!
Copy !req
387. Nighty-night, Spock-sucker.
Copy !req
388. Beam this, bitch!
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389. Time-out!
I call time-out! Time-out!
Copy !req
390. - Disable their vehicle.
- Get in! Go!
Copy !req
391. Get in the van!
Get in the van!
Copy !req
392. Disable the vehicle.
Copy !req
393. Kill the Star-roids!
Copy !req
394. Get them!
Copy !req
395. Han Solo is still a bitch!
Copy !req
396. - Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch.
Copy !req
397. Yeah!
Copy !req
398. Hey, Bottler, hit 'em
with the pressed ham!
Copy !req
399. Klingon to this.
Copy !req
400. Kha-a-a-an!
Copy !req
401. Kha-a-a-an!
Copy !req
402. Whoo!
Copy !req
403. I took that Vulcan down hard.
Copy !req
404. I rolled him into the dirt
like he was my frickin' tauntaun.
Copy !req
405. Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me,
you guys would all be dead.
Copy !req
406. What fight were you watching?
I was channeling the Emperor.
Copy !req
407. The Emperor? I don't remember the Emperor
crapping his robe and screaming "time-out. "
Copy !req
408. - Oh, my God. That's right.
- There is such a thing as time-out.
Copy !req
409. I can feel
your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.
Copy !req
410. All right. Time-out.
Copy !req
411. We had to take your van, Hutch.
Copy !req
412. I have access to literally
thousands of vehicles...
Copy !req
413. but we had to take your van.
Copy !req
414. Yeah, well, I had a spare tire...
Copy !req
415. but some tardo took it out
to make some room for his grappling hook.
Copy !req
416. What? We're on a covert operation.
Copy !req
417. How can you be on a covert operation
without a grappling hook?
Copy !req
418. Oh! Wait.
Copy !req
419. What in Greedo's name is that?
Copy !req
420. Talk about a wretched hive
of scum and villainy.
Copy !req
421. Hmm.
Copy !req
422. You guys stay right here.
I'll take care of this.
Copy !req
423. How you doing, fellas?
Hi, fellas.
Copy !req
424. So our car broke down
a couple of miles back.
Copy !req
425. Is there anyone you know who can help us?
Copy !req
426. No.
Copy !req
427. Can I have some water?
Copy !req
428. Yeah, a glass of water, please.
Copy !req
429. Great.
Copy !req
430. Pirate teeth.
Pirate teeth.
Copy !req
431. - Pirate teeth. Don't.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
432. A hundred bucks.
Copy !req
433. For a glass of water?
Copy !req
434. That's ridiculous.
I'm not gonna pay that.
Copy !req
435. Sure you will.
Copy !req
436. Hell, no. Hell, no.
Back up, buddy. Back off.
Copy !req
437. Word to the wise, ese.
Copy !req
438. Ooh!
Copy !req
439. Drop the tough-ass biker
routine before I get angry.
Copy !req
440. And you won't like me when I'm angry.
Copy !req
441. Oh, I think I would.
Copy !req
442. - Hutch, let's not do this.
- Hutch, maybe—
Copy !req
443. Nah. Nah. Nah.
Copy !req
444. This guy wants
to dick with me, fine.
Copy !req
445. I can dick.
Copy !req
446. I used to rape guys
15 times your size in prison.
Copy !req
447. So you best back off...
Copy !req
448. or, so help me God,
I'm gonna pound your ass so hard—
Copy !req
449. Oh, Jesus.
Copy !req
450. - No. Hutch.
- What?
Copy !req
451. There's kind of a thing in this bar.
Copy !req
452. - Like that.
- See?
Copy !req
453. lxnay on the ass pounding.
Copy !req
454. A hundred dollars?
That's cool.
Copy !req
455. Afraid it's too late for that, ese.
Copy !req
456. Our midnight entertainment bailed.
Copy !req
457. Time to pay for that drink.
Copy !req
458. Oh, dear God.
We're gonna die up here, aren't we?
Copy !req
459. We have to strip to Menudo?
Copy !req
460. You got a problem with Menudo?
Now, take it off!
Copy !req
461. That's it, man!
Copy !req
462. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"
Copy !req
463. You want some Swayze action, bitches?
Copy !req
464. Yeah!
You like that, huh?
Copy !req
465. - Whoo!
Copy !req
466. Whoo!
Copy !req
467. I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it, and you're gonna like it!
Copy !req
468. He's got one ball.
Un testículo.
Copy !req
469. - Oh, that's disgusting.
Copy !req
470. Okay, I had a...
Copy !req
471. torrid lightsaber battle
went wrong when I was a child.
Copy !req
472. All right, all right, all right.
Show's over, fellas.
Copy !req
473. - You boys took a wrong turn?
- Our car broke down.
Copy !req
474. The Chief can fix it.
Copy !req
475. The Chief?
Copy !req
476. This is some kick-ass guac
you whipped up, man.
Copy !req
477. - I feel funny.
- Tingly.
Copy !req
478. - I feel good.
- Karate is cool.
Copy !req
479. Guys, I don't think we're eating ...
Copy !req
480. your everyday garden-variety guacamole.
Copy !req
481. I got recipe from Emeril.
Copy !req
482. Avocado, onion,
chopped garlic— Bam!
Copy !req
483. - Bam!
- Bam!
Copy !req
484. And the Chief's secret ingredient.
Copy !req
485. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
486. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Copy !req
487. - What?
- What?
Copy !req
488. - There's an ewok right beside you.
Copy !req
489. Oh, wow. She's humping your leg.
It's humping your leg.
Copy !req
490. She's humping your leg.
I love you.
Copy !req
491. Wahh!
Copy !req
492. Death is but a path to life,
a passage to the stars...
Copy !req
493. to the universe.
Copy !req
494. I know what you mean.
Copy !req
495. You mean the Force.
Copy !req
496. The Force.
Copy !req
497. Guys, my dad is gonna kill me
Copy !req
498. if I don't get to work on Monday.
Copy !req
499. Putz. Screw it, man.
Copy !req
500. - No!
- Join me, Son.
Copy !req
501. Come to the Dark Side.
Copy !req
502. - The Dark Side.
- No! No!
Copy !req
503. Rogue Leader.
Copy !req
504. What the hell you doing, man?
You're poking me.
Copy !req
505. Oh, God. Don't flatter yourself, okay?
Copy !req
506. It's just my R2.
My lucky R2.
Copy !req
507. Man, you wish you had
the height and girth of D2.
Copy !req
508. - Yeah!
- Wow!
Copy !req
509. Hah! Van!
Copy !req
510. Son of a whore!
The Buce is back.
Copy !req
511. The Chief fixed it while you were asleep.
Copy !req
512. The Chief fixed it.
Is he around? Can we thank him?
Copy !req
513. He's the Chief.
You're the Chief, aren't you?
Copy !req
514. Why didn't you say so?
Copy !req
515. The Chief likes to refer to
himself in the third person.
Copy !req
516. It causes confusion,
especially with the bitches.
Copy !req
517. Well, you're cool as balls,
you burned-out old hash-head.
Copy !req
518. Wonder Twins power activate.
Copy !req
519. It's been interesting.
Copy !req
520. Thanks.
Copy !req
521. You need it more than I do.
Copy !req
522. - Wow. Thank you. I, uh—
Copy !req
523. - Good luck.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
524. Who's up for Texas, boys?
Copy !req
525. Thank you for the blue balls, ladies!
Copy !req
526. Harrison Ford
is the greatest actor of all time!
Copy !req
527. In the history of cinema?
Copy !req
528. He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!
Copy !req
529. - Deckard from Blade Runner.
- Yes. Exactly.
Copy !req
530. Greatest actor of all time.
Copy !req
531. He's never done a bad movie.
Copy !req
532. Does that sign say"electric fence"?
Watch this. Ready?
Copy !req
533. Let's just hope she's still here.
Copy !req
534. Oh, she'll be here.
Copy !req
535. Give her a taste of that white chocolate.
Copy !req
536. What do you think?
Copy !req
537. - Oh, my God.
Copy !req
538. - 'Toid me.
- You ready?
Copy !req
539. - Yeah. Thank you.
- Nice.
Copy !req
540. - Go get her.
Copy !req
541. Rogue Leader, I presume?
Copy !req
542. Red 6?
Copy !req
543. Let me just put my glasses on.
Copy !req
544. What the hell?
Copy !req
545. You're a kid.
You're 12.
Copy !req
546. - I'm 10. Yes.
- You're 10?
Copy !req
547. - I'm a pedophile! I'm a pedophile!
Copy !req
548. - I'm a pedophile!
- Give us a moment, please.
Copy !req
549. I have to leave this state at once.
Copy !req
550. - Yea! Yea!
Copy !req
551. That was fantastic.
Copy !req
552. We drove a thousand miles, Windows.
Copy !req
553. A thousand.
For what?
Copy !req
554. So you can get funky
with Strawberry Shortcakes?
Copy !req
555. It's not really sex if it's cyber-sex.
Copy !req
556. Relax. We're gonna sit down.
We're gonna put on our thinking caps.
Copy !req
557. - And we're gonna get a better plan.
- No, it's—
Copy !req
558. I have to be back by Monday.
Copy !req
559. I haven't told you guys this yet, but my—
Copy !req
560. My dad gave me the company.
Copy !req
561. - Hey!
- Thanks, man.
Copy !req
562. Yeah, the whole thing.
The whole thing is mine now.
Copy !req
563. What's the new game plan?
Copy !req
564. Let's get in the van
and get the hell out of here.
Copy !req
565. - This is just a minor setback.
- It's a minor setback for you.
Copy !req
566. I live in the real world, okay?
I have to go back to work.
Copy !req
567. You have to go back
to... your mom's garage.
Copy !req
568. - It's a carriage house.
- It's a garage, man.
Copy !req
569. - Say it again.
- It's a garage.
Copy !req
570. - Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Guys!
Copy !req
571. - Holding my schlong!
- Okay! Okay.
Copy !req
572. - Harry Knowles.
- Harry who?
Copy !req
573. - Hello.
- This man is the ultimate fanboy, Eric.
Copy !req
574. His Web site "Ain't It Cool News"
is like every geek's homepage.
Copy !req
575. Which one of you's Windows?
Copy !req
576. Me.
Copy !req
577. I'm Windows.
Copy !req
578. - Nice to meet you—
- Oh!
Copy !req
579. - Back off!
Copy !req
580. - Oh, God!
- Ohh!
Copy !req
581. - Harry Knowles is kicking Windows's ass.
Copy !req
582. Now, you listen to me, perv.
Copy !req
583. If you ever e-mail my niece again,
I will hunt you down like a T-1000.
Copy !req
584. Okay, Mr. Knowles, he didn't know— Okay.
Copy !req
585. - You will release my friends.
- Back!
Copy !req
586. We wanted to break into the Skywalker Ranch.
Kimmy said she'd give us the floor plans.
Copy !req
587. We were gonna break in
and steal Episode I, that's it.
Copy !req
588. That is the stupidest thing I've heard
since Schumacher put nips on Batman.
Copy !req
589. Ohh!
Copy !req
590. These aren't the droids
you're looking for, man.
Copy !req
591. - Heh!
- Anybody else have any stupid comments?
Copy !req
592. It's very stupid, but true. We've been
planning this since we were like six.
Copy !req
593. Listen. Harry, Harry, Harry.
Copy !req
594. If you help us out, we'll give you all
the exclusive spoilers and all.
Copy !req
595. - Okay?
- Ohh.
Copy !req
596. That's an interesting offer.
Episode V was directed by who?
Copy !req
597. - Irvin Kershner.
- That was just a warm-up.
Copy !req
598. You. In Episode Vl when Leia shoots down
two scout troopers...
Copy !req
599. why doesn't she take one
of the speeder bikes instead of walking?
Copy !req
600. If you pay attention closely,
the speeder bikes were destroyed.
Copy !req
601. And then Luke refers to it
later on in the dialogue.
Copy !req
602. Impressive. I wasn't really
worried about you though.
Copy !req
603. What was Luke Skywalker's call sign
during the rebel assault in Episode IV?
Copy !req
604. Red 5.
Copy !req
605. You are all only as strong
as your weakest link.
Copy !req
606. Hello, weakest link.
Copy !req
607. What?
Copy !req
608. What is the name
of Chewbacca's home planet?
Copy !req
609. It's never discussed in the movies.
That's not fair.
Copy !req
610. I know. I know.
Copy !req
611. Do you give up?
Copy !req
612. Come on, man. Say it.
Copy !req
613. Kashyyyk. Kashyyyk.
Chewie's home planet is Kashyyyk.
Copy !req
614. Chewie's home planet is Kashyyyk.
Copy !req
615. Well played, boys.
I'll help you.
Copy !req
616. You're gonna meet my friend in Vegas.
Copy !req
617. He's got everything you need.
Copy !req
618. - Okay?
- Okay.
Copy !req
619. - How will we know who he is?
- Oh, don't worry. You'll know.
Copy !req
620. The password: Scruffy Nerf herder.
Copy !req
621. - Scruffy Nerf herder.
- Good luck, boys.
Copy !req
622. Nice detailing.
Copy !req
623. We're going to Vegas, fellas.
Copy !req
624. Hey, Hutch, you mind slowing down?
Copy !req
625. Sorry. I don't speak jagoff.
Copy !req
626. I just thought it might be nice
to get to Vegas alive.
Copy !req
627. - Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
628. We got Imperial bacon.
Copy !req
629. Okay, probably not the best time
to tell you guys this...
Copy !req
630. but, uh, there's a giant bag of peyote
in the back of the van.
Copy !req
631. - What?
- Excuse me?
Copy !req
632. The Chief gave it to me.
Copy !req
633. Hutch, just pull over
and get the ticket, man, okay?
Copy !req
634. We can't pull over
with a big-ass bag of peyote on us.
Copy !req
635. Pull over and stop!
Copy !req
636. Do what he says, Hutch.
Do what he says, Hutch.
Copy !req
637. - Don't do what he says.
- Do what he says, Hutch.
Copy !req
638. It's gonna be okay, fellas.
It's gonna be okay.
Copy !req
639. Pull over, man.
Copy !req
640. Suck my exhaust, pork rind!
Copy !req
641. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus!
Copy !req
642. - Talk to me, Goose.
- Talk to you? He's back.
Copy !req
643. - He found us!
- God!
Copy !req
644. - Move this piece of shit!
- You don't call my van a piece of shit!
Copy !req
645. - Well?
- Hey, ladies, ladies!
Copy !req
646. You got to break rule number two.
Copy !req
647. Chewie, prepare to make
the jump to hyperspace.
Copy !req
648. Yes!
Copy !req
649. - Okay, I'm ready.
Copy !req
650. Somebody tell me
what the goddamn red button's for!
Copy !req
651. It's light speed, kid.
Copy !req
652. - Light speed?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
653. - Punch it!
Copy !req
654. - What the— Come on!
Copy !req
655. - You're not gonna do this to me now.
- No. Okay, I'm resetting.
Copy !req
656. - Light speed. Impressive.
Copy !req
657. I put a tank of nitrous in this thing.
It's not firing.
Copy !req
658. - Hutch, please do something.
- Hutch!
Copy !req
659. - Damn it.
Copy !req
660. - Whoo!
Copy !req
661. - Oh, my God!
Copy !req
662. It's working! Whoo!
Copy !req
663. - Stay on target! Stay on target!
- Oh, God!
Copy !req
664. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
665. I probably shouldn't
have called that cop a fag.
Copy !req
666. I think he took it the wrong way.
Copy !req
667. Breakfast.
Copy !req
668. - Oh, God.
- Ow!
Copy !req
669. - Jesus!
- Oh, God.
Copy !req
670. Ham and cheese.
Copy !req
671. Well, look on the bright side, you guys.
This trip can't get any worse.
Copy !req
672. It just did, boys.
Copy !req
673. - What?
- I got to drop a sewer pickle.
Copy !req
674. - Yeah, I got to throw her into reverse.
Copy !req
675. Bottler, give me your sandwich, bro.
Copy !req
676. Hook me up.
Another one.
Copy !req
677. - What's the sandwich for?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
678. I'm not gonna sit on this.
Copy !req
679. - Oh, Hutch!
- Jesus.
Copy !req
680. - It's crawling with criminal ass germs.
Copy !req
681. - Just hover, man.
- Okay, listen up, pre-pubes.
Copy !req
682. You got a visitor—
Sweet can of corn.
Copy !req
683. What are you doing with that ham sandwich,
boy? It's not right what you're doing.
Copy !req
684. Hutch, you owe me a sock.
Copy !req
685. I had to wipe with something.
Copy !req
686. You pussies owe me, big time.
Copy !req
687. Oh, Zoe, thank God.
Copy !req
688. We weren't sure
if you'd gotten our message.
Copy !req
689. If by message you mean Windows shrieking
into my answering machine
Copy !req
690. like a little girl ...
Copy !req
691. then yes, message received.
Copy !req
692. You don't know
what we've been through.
Copy !req
693. Hutch just took a dump
in front of us.
Copy !req
694. Yeah. That's life inside the big house.
Copy !req
695. Zoe, promise me you brought the money.
Copy !req
696. I cleared out every cent
Windows had in the comic store.
Copy !req
697. - You what?
- Oh! Don't even speak.
Copy !req
698. I took two taxis, an airplane
and an all-night bus ride...
Copy !req
699. next to an old man that I am
pretty sure had a full diaper.
Copy !req
700. Hey, hey, okay.
Okay, visiting time's over.
Copy !req
701. The judge wants to see y'all
in his private chambers.
Copy !req
702. Oh, yeah.
Just one more thing.
Copy !req
703. Whatever you do,
do not make fun of his name.
Copy !req
704. Let me see if I got this right.
Copy !req
705. Now, you tried to outrun
an officer of the law. ..
Copy !req
706. Because you obtained a bag of peyote
from a Mexican Indian chief...
Copy !req
707. who thought it would help
treat your friend's terminal illness?
Copy !req
708. - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
709. - I'm gonna let you boys go.
Copy !req
710. - Not because I believe you.
Copy !req
711. - Because I believe your father.
- My father?
Copy !req
712. - Mm-hmm.
- You actually spoke with my dad?
Copy !req
713. Sure did.
Copy !req
714. He wanted me to give you this message.
Copy !req
715. Approach the bench.
Copy !req
716. Have a nice day, son.
Copy !req
717. Yeah. Man's gone
carbonite freeze on us.
Copy !req
718. We got to be in Vegas
in less than 24 hours.
Copy !req
719. All right. I'm gonna go smack
some sense into the boy.
Copy !req
720. Whoa. Cut him some slack.
Copy !req
721. Okay.
Copy !req
722. I just mapped out our route to Vegas
on my Toughbook...
Copy !req
723. and the closest airport's
about a hundred mites north of here.
Copy !req
724. So all we got to do
is drop the ol' Zoe off...
Copy !req
725. and then it's a straight shot
to Sin City.
Copy !req
726. Ho! Hold on.
Copy !req
727. You haul my ass
out into the middle of nowhere...
Copy !req
728. and expect me to just jump
on the first plane back?
Copy !req
729. Sorry. It's not gonna happen.
Copy !req
730. Come on. You know this trip is men only.
Copy !req
731. I tell you what.
Copy !req
732. I'll get on the plane
if any one of you can take me down.
Copy !req
733. Listen, Princess.
Copy !req
734. No one wants to see you get hurt.
Copy !req
735. I'm gonna get Botts.
Copy !req
736. - Get off of me!
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
737. - Be a man, Hutch.
- Get her off of me!
Copy !req
738. - Hutch, say "time-out."
- Don't just stand there!
Copy !req
739. Shoot her!
Somebody shoot her!
Copy !req
740. - Help me, for God sake! God help me!
- Gentlemen.
Copy !req
741. - Get the jaws of life!
- I'm good.
Copy !req
742. - Welcome aboard.
Copy !req
743. - Now go get Eric.
- Yes, sir!
Copy !req
744. - And be nice.
Copy !req
745. You're lucky I have a crush on you.
Copy !req
746. Yo, Botts, you okay?
Copy !req
747. You know, I could do this—
start a life here.
Copy !req
748. Clean slate.
Fresh air.
Copy !req
749. No pressure, no responsibility.
Copy !req
750. Yeah, it seems nice, man.
Copy !req
751. In theory it sounds nice.
Copy !req
752. I bet there's not even
like a Blockbuster Video
Copy !req
753. within 500 miles of here.
Copy !req
754. Or like a Falafel Hut or—
Copy !req
755. Guys, shut up.
Copy !req
756. I just figured if I ...
Copy !req
757. worked hard and ...
Copy !req
758. sold enough cars and impressed my dad
enough times, I'd—
Copy !req
759. I'd feel something.
Copy !req
760. You gotta find your Death Star.
Copy !req
761. Okay, I'll bite.
Copy !req
762. Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did ...
Copy !req
763. was take down the Death Star, right?
Copy !req
764. As far as I'm concerned,
that's what everybody needs.
Copy !req
765. You need that one bad-ass thing...
Copy !req
766. that lets you live on forever, you know.
Copy !req
767. Yeah.
Copy !req
768. Hey, Spice Girls!
Copy !req
769. Are you gonna swap recipes all day?
Copy !req
770. Vegas awaits, ladies.
Copy !req
771. - Wow!
- Sweet!
Copy !req
772. And here's where you learn
how to do Vegas, fanboy style.
Copy !req
773. You guys thinking what I'm thinking?
Copy !req
774. They are everywhere, Giles.
Copy !req
775. Mama, star people.
Copy !req
776. This is so gay.
Copy !req
777. Ow!
Copy !req
778. Let me get that for you.
Copy !req
779. You, uh— You might wanna hit the showers.
Copy !req
780. 'Cause you smell like something
shit in my nose.
Copy !req
781. - Yes, Your Highnessness.
- Ew!
Copy !req
782. What in God's name is living on your chest?
It looks like you fell on ALF.
Copy !req
783. - God!
- Look who's back in uniform.
Copy !req
784. Nice.
Copy !req
785. Yeah, it's almost 8:00, so we
gotta go meet Harry's contact.
Copy !req
786. Then let's go.
Copy !req
787. - You guys coming?
- I'll catch up with you guys later.
Copy !req
788. I'm just gonna do a bit
of pillagin' the tables first.
Copy !req
789. - Twenty-two. Loser.
- Ah, Jesus!
Copy !req
790. That is mathematically impossible.
Copy !req
791. I must have the worst luck
in the northern hemisphere.
Copy !req
792. I heard about the Rogue Leader debacle.
Copy !req
793. - That's one for the record books.
- Hey.
Copy !req
794. A cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar
and Janeane Garofalo?
Copy !req
795. It's too good to be true.
Copy !req
796. I just have to face the facts, Zoe.
I'm 24 years old ...
Copy !req
797. and I've only ever copulated
with one woman.
Copy !req
798. Plenty of guys have
only been with one woman.
Copy !req
799. I don't know that many women
to have only been with one woman.
Copy !req
800. I, uh— I'm female kryptonite.
Copy !req
801. Look, you're fine around me.
Copy !req
802. Well, yeah, of course I am.
That's 'cause...
Copy !req
803. you are not a girl.
Copy !req
804. You know what I mean?
Copy !req
805. No. Please enlighten me.
Copy !req
806. You know every Bond villain,
you constantly quote Clash of the Titans...
Copy !req
807. and you've beat every Zelda game
Nintendo's ever released.
Copy !req
808. I mean—
Copy !req
809. Dude, dude, dude.
Three o'clock, man.
Copy !req
810. Hotties on the slotties.
Copy !req
811. I would knock the nickels
out of that pussy!
Copy !req
812. Dude, you're gonna be my Dak today,
all right? Follow my lead.
Copy !req
813. Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
You wanna just talk to them?
Copy !req
814. Yeah. It's called having balls.
Copy !req
815. Or in your case, one ball.
Come on. Eric and Linus are waiting.
Copy !req
816. What are you, the wife?
Let's go.
Copy !req
817. - Wait. You're going over there?
- Uh—
Copy !req
818. Turns out you're more
clueless than you think.
Copy !req
819. - Apparently, so am I.
- What does that mean? Zoe!
Copy !req
820. - Zoe!
- Come on.
Copy !req
821. - Pardon me.
- Hi there.
Copy !req
822. - Hello. How are you?
- Hi.
Copy !req
823. - Hi.
- Ladies.
Copy !req
824. You ladies looking for love
in Alderaan places?
Copy !req
825. Excuse me?
Copy !req
826. Alderaan is the last planet
destroyed by the Death Star—
Copy !req
827. Bomba, bomba, bomba!
Dat-dat-dat-dat-dat-dat! Daniel-san.
Copy !req
828. What my socially retarded friend
was trying to say...
Copy !req
829. was that we'd like to
maybe buy you two gals a beverage.
Copy !req
830. - Sure.
- Sure.
Copy !req
831. - Oh, my God. Wow.
Copy !req
832. You know, uh, Eric and Linus
are waiting for us.
Copy !req
833. I think that they're going to understand.
Copy !req
834. They're going to understand.
Copy !req
835. Where are they, man?
It's almost— It's almost 8:00!
Copy !req
836. I don't know where they are, but we
don't have time to wait for 'em. Come on.
Copy !req
837. Convention room's this way.
Let's go.
Copy !req
838. - Rak non!
- Yes, sir!
Copy !req
839. Phasers on stun.
Copy !req
840. Being the C.E.O.
of my own company...
Copy !req
841. I'm not gonna lie to you,
I get a lot of perks.
Copy !req
842. I got a big-ass mansion, you know.
Copy !req
843. I got a butler— Maurice.
Copy !req
844. Bentley in the drive.
Flux capacitor.
Copy !req
845. I mean, the 1.21 gigawatts,
that don't come cheap, you know.
Copy !req
846. - But I got the duckets, you know.
- Wow.
Copy !req
847. There's nothing more sexy
than a man with power.
Copy !req
848. What do you mean?
Like—You like power?
Copy !req
849. - Uh-huh.
- I like power.
Copy !req
850. - I got a hell of a lot of power.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
851. Yeah.
Copy !req
852. You want to come sit on my lap.
Copy !req
853. Oh. Wow.
Copy !req
854. You want to take your shirt off.
Copy !req
855. Wow-ar-r-rm.
Copy !req
856. Yummy!
Copy !req
857. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
858. - Can you smell that?
- Trekkies.
Copy !req
859. Yeah.
Copy !req
860. Badges.
Copy !req
861. Yeah, we're not here for the Trek.
Copy !req
862. Okay? We're here to see somebody.
Copy !req
863. And who would that be?
Copy !req
864. We're here to see the Nerf herder.
Copy !req
865. - Hmm?
- Scruffy Nerf herder.
Copy !req
866. Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop!
Copy !req
867. And then Zoe just storms off.
Copy !req
868. I mean, she's really...
Copy !req
869. a very difficult specimen
to read sometimes.
Copy !req
870. If you know what I mean.
But I—
Copy !req
871. You just can't act like that
if you wanna be one of the guys.
Copy !req
872. Maybe... she doesn't
wanna be one of the guys.
Copy !req
873. She likes you.
Copy !req
874. But I didn't—
But she kind of just—
Copy !req
875. - Jesus Murphy!
Copy !req
876. Wow. Okay.
Copy !req
877. What— What should I do?
Copy !req
878. Well, if there's one thing
I learned being an escort...
Copy !req
879. it's that actions speak louder than words.
Copy !req
880. Did you just say "escort"?
Copy !req
881. Fantastic.
Copy !req
882. - Shh!
Copy !req
883. - I don't think we're alone.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
884. You're late.
Copy !req
885. It's all there—
maps, pass codes...
Copy !req
886. phony I.D.'s to get you past the front gates,
Copy !req
887. but that's not what's most important.
Copy !req
888. What's most important?
Copy !req
889. - We never met.
Copy !req
890. - That's Capt—
- Yeah. I think—
Copy !req
891. I should— Hi.
I can't believe that these are classified.
Copy !req
892. And there's—
Look at the maps. I mean, there's badges.
Copy !req
893. And there's Trekkin ' with TJ.
What is this for?
Copy !req
894. Just something for the ride.
Copy !req
895. Thank you.
Copy !req
896. This is unreal.
How did you score all this stuff?
Copy !req
897. Are you kidding?
Copy !req
898. I'm William Shatner.
I can score anything.
Copy !req
899. - Okay.
- How 'bout—
Copy !req
900. How 'bout Jeri Ryan's panties?
Copy !req
901. - Oh.
- Anything.
Copy !req
902. - I'm so glad that we met.
- Me too.
Copy !req
903. This is— Whoa. Hey.
Wait, wait.
Copy !req
904. Okay, let me go.
Copy !req
905. - Hutch, private convo. Jesus.
- What the hell are you—
Copy !req
906. What are you doing, man?
Get the hell out of here.
Copy !req
907. It's not a good time.
The Force is strong with me here.
Copy !req
908. - Actually, your hour's over.
- What do you mean, "over"?
Copy !req
909. - Hutch, they're hookers.
- We're not hookers. We're escorts.
Copy !req
910. - The difference being?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
911. Excuse me. Sorry.
You telling me...
Copy !req
912. that I just spent the last hour sweet talking
a smoking, hot whore?
Copy !req
913. - You could always pay for another hour.
- How much?
Copy !req
914. - One thousand.
- Dollars?
Copy !req
915. - Mm-hmm.
- Each! I want a refund.
Copy !req
916. - Give me a refund.
- Is that possible?
Copy !req
917. You know what? We're male prostitutes
Copy !req
918. and you owe us a thousand dollars!
Copy !req
919. - You can talk it over with Roach.
- Roach?
Copy !req
920. - Hi, Daddy.
- Greetings and salutations. It is payday.
Copy !req
921. - Ten-thousand shares of Priceline?
- Anything.
Copy !req
922. Wow.
Copy !req
923. Next time you see Harry Knowles,
tell him we're square.
Copy !req
924. Friends of yours?
Copy !req
925. Cry havoc!
Copy !req
926. Zinfandel.
That's a good vintage.
Copy !req
927. Uh, this has all been
a really big misunderstanding.
Copy !req
928. You see, my friend and I,
Copy !req
929. we didn't know that we were
on the clock, per se.
Copy !req
930. You thought you were
getting that for free, did ya?
Copy !req
931. - Uh, Mr. Roach?
- Yeah?
Copy !req
932. Would you mind not eating
those peanuts 'cause—
Copy !req
933. Buddy, these are like
$10 a peanut, you know.
Copy !req
934. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
935. Well, why don't you take it
out of the $2,000...
Copy !req
936. that you and your skinny
little idiot friend owe me, how's that sound?
Copy !req
937. - Rebel Alliance, dude.
- What? Enunciate.
Copy !req
938. - Rebel Alliance.
- Rebel Alliance.
Copy !req
939. We recognize the tat.
We're Star Wars fans.
Copy !req
940. - You're Star Wars fans?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
941. Shit. Why didn't you say so, man?
Copy !req
942. You think that's cool,
check this shit out. Look.
Copy !req
943. Entire right side, Rebel Alliance.
Copy !req
944. "Do or do not." That's funny.
Copy !req
945. Check this out.
Episode I.
Copy !req
946. Fu-Schnickens.
Jar-Jar Binks.
Copy !req
947. That guy's gonna be the shit.
I tell you.
Copy !req
948. - Wow.
- Right? You like that?
Copy !req
949. I had them do that pose.
Copy !req
950. - I thought it was funny.
- That is awesome.
Copy !req
951. - You guys are all right.
- So, we're all hunky-dory?
Copy !req
952. - We're all copacetic?
- Well, if the word "copacetic" means...
Copy !req
953. I'm gonna rip off your tongue
and lick your ass with it, then yeah ...
Copy !req
954. - we're copacetic.
- Oh.
Copy !req
955. - Windows, now!
- It was lovely to meet you.
Copy !req
956. Thank you so much for listening.
Copy !req
957. - Go, go, go!
- Balloons?
Copy !req
958. You thought that was gonna stop 'em?
Copy !req
959. - Grab the princess.
- Come on, Zoe!
Copy !req
960. - Get off me. I'm not speaking to you.
- Seriously. We gotta go now!
Copy !req
961. - Why are we running? What did you do?
Copy !req
962. They're everywhere!
They're everywhere!
Copy !req
963. - You're going the wrong way!
Copy !req
964. - Yeah!
Copy !req
965. That's him!
He's the one who destroyed Khan.
Copy !req
966. You called Han Solo a bitch, man!
Copy !req
967. Han Solo is a bitch.
Copy !req
968. No one calls...
Copy !req
969. Han Solo a bitch!
Copy !req
970. - Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go!
Copy !req
971. Why are we running?
Copy !req
972. - Go! Come on!
- What is going on?
Copy !req
973. You stop this van,
you little sons of bitches!
Copy !req
974. I'm gonna kill you!
Copy !req
975. This is not copacetic.
You stop!
Copy !req
976. Zoe, hit him with the pressed ham!
Copy !req
977. - Yeah!
- Nice.
Copy !req
978. Nailed it.
Copy !req
979. Linus? Jesus!
Copy !req
980. - Where'd he go?
- Did he fall out?
Copy !req
981. Chewie.
I call Chewie.
Copy !req
982. Dr. Richardson
to Trauma 2. Dr. Richardson, Trauma 2.
Copy !req
983. Your friend's awake.
Copy !req
984. - Uh, cool. Can we see him?
- Yes.
Copy !req
985. But first we need to have a little talk.
Copy !req
986. Linus tells me that
you're on some sort of a road trip.
Copy !req
987. - Uh, yeah, up to San Francisco.
- Well, not anymore, fellas.
Copy !req
988. The only place he's going is back to Ohio.
Copy !req
989. - We can't do that.
- Just what's so important in San Francisco?
Copy !req
990. - Uh, he—
- Star Wars.
Copy !req
991. Star Wars?
Copy !req
992. Look, he is very, very sick
and he needs to go home.
Copy !req
993. No.
Copy !req
994. Guys, we can't— we can't do this now.
We can't give up now.
Copy !req
995. Not when we're so close.
Copy !req
996. Linus, it's just a movie.
Copy !req
997. Yeah, maybe it is.
Maybe it is. You know what?
Copy !req
998. To most people, Star Wars
is just a movie, right?
Copy !req
999. - Not to us!
- We just spoke to the doctor.
Copy !req
1000. Screw that doctor!
Screw— Screw all those people!
Copy !req
1001. Did they ever get their heads stuck
in a bucket trying to be Darth Vader?
Copy !req
1002. - I mean, I don't think so. No.
- Nope.
Copy !req
1003. Did they ever singe their eyebrows
trying to make a lightsaber?
Copy !req
1004. No way. Did they name
their right hand Leia?
Copy !req
1005. Who knows?
Yes, they could have.
Copy !req
1006. - But you know who did?
- Me.
Copy !req
1007. Yes, you did.
So did I. So did you.
Copy !req
1008. - We all did.
- You guys are freaking sick. You know that?
Copy !req
1009. This is our Death Star, man.
Copy !req
1010. And I don't know about you, guys,
but I'm not running away from this one.
Copy !req
1011. - Me neither.
- Screw it. I named both my hands Leia.
Copy !req
1012. What the hell are you doing?
Do you know who this is?
Copy !req
1013. It's that way.
Copy !req
1014. Jailbreak!
Jailbreak!
Copy !req
1015. - What's going on?
Copy !req
1016. - Hold it right there!
- No, uh, please—
Copy !req
1017. You're our only hope.
Copy !req
1018. Take two of these every three hours.
Copy !req
1019. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1020. - I love you.
- I know.
Copy !req
1021. - Yeah!
Copy !req
1022. - Mmm.
Copy !req
1023. Nothing worse than a locked shitter
when you got to turd, am I right?
Copy !req
1024. Seriously, man.
Copy !req
1025. That is it, man!
I don't wanna do this anymore!
Copy !req
1026. Why not? What'd I tell you,
sweet and womanly, right?
Copy !req
1027. - Womanly?
Copy !req
1028. - Make sure you go tell your friends.
- I'll be back.
Copy !req
1029. Bam, bam, bam!
Hyah! Wanna try that?
Copy !req
1030. Start the car! Start the van!
Copy !req
1031. - Hi!
Copy !req
1032. - Let's do it! Let's do it!
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1033. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1034. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1035. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1036. Shut up, man! It was a hundred
miles ago! Stop living in the past!
Copy !req
1037. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1038. Lucas Valley Road.
We gotta steal that sign, guys.
Copy !req
1039. - Zoe, how we looking out there?
Copy !req
1040. One guard manning the booth.
Couple civvies roaming about.
Copy !req
1041. - Nothing we can't handle.
- All right, fellas, "X" marks our target.
Copy !req
1042. Level "C" editing bays. It's our best chance
for finding the rough cut.
Copy !req
1043. Excellent. Okay.
Once we've breached the front gate...
Copy !req
1044. we're gonna be off on foot, so we're gonna
have to take a shortcut at this wall here.
Copy !req
1045. And you know what that means.
Copy !req
1046. Are you shitting—
Grappling hook?
Copy !req
1047. I can do this.
Copy !req
1048. - Get up.
- Windows, how's it look up there?
Copy !req
1049. Windows, make sure there are no cameras.
Copy !req
1050. - Can you see anything?
Copy !req
1051. - All right, one, two—
Copy !req
1052. - Oh, Jesus!
- Windows, Jesus!
Copy !req
1053. - Ow!
Copy !req
1054. - Okay.
- Wait. There he is. Good man. Good man.
Copy !req
1055. Let's go.
Follow my lead. Follow my lead.
Copy !req
1056. Get down. Stay low. The ninja roll.
Copy !req
1057. Guys, get down!
Copy !req
1058. - Jackass.
- Guys, wait for me.
Copy !req
1059. I hate running.
Copy !req
1060. This is, like, the most exercise
you guys have gotten all year.
Copy !req
1061. This is the one Shatner
said would be open.
Copy !req
1062. A breach in Skywalker security.
Copy !req
1063. - Wow. Okay, we're in.
Copy !req
1064. I feel like we're in a Scooby-Doo episode.
Copy !req
1065. - Go, go, go, go.
Copy !req
1066. - Hutch?
- Yeah?
Copy !req
1067. - Your ass still smells like ham and cheese.
Copy !req
1068. Sweet. That way.
Copy !req
1069. Wow.
Copy !req
1070. Shatner, don't fail us now, right?
Copy !req
1071. - Whoa.
Copy !req
1072. Yeah!
Copy !req
1073. - Oh, my God.
- No way.
Copy !req
1074. We're home, boys.
Copy !req
1075. See, that's what I call a collection.
Copy !req
1076. This is where I want my ashes scattered.
Copy !req
1077. Oh!
Copy !req
1078. "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Copy !req
1079. - You're my only hope."
Copy !req
1080. They've got Indy stuff.
Copy !req
1081. Thermal detonator.
Copy !req
1082. I think I'm gonna cry.
Copy !req
1083. Hey. They got Willow's spell book!
Copy !req
1084. You know, Willow?
Little guy?
Copy !req
1085. Magical—
"Kaiya. "
Copy !req
1086. Who cares about Willow?
Copy !req
1087. Look at this.
Copy !req
1088. "Throw me the idol. "
Copy !req
1089. Guys, look at this.
"We've got bad dates. "
Copy !req
1090. One kaddam for the Hebrew god.
Copy !req
1091. We have a breach in the archive room.
Breach in the archive room.
Copy !req
1092. You know, no matter
how you felt about the guy...
Copy !req
1093. Vader embraced his fate.
Copy !req
1094. He faced death head-on.
Copy !req
1095. No one moves.
Copy !req
1096. Subjects have been located.
Requesting backup.
Copy !req
1097. Please step away from Lord Vader.
Copy !req
1098. Dude, what's up with the outfits?
Copy !req
1099. Company policy.
Copy !req
1100. You wanna work here,
you gotta wear the suit.
Copy !req
1101. Carl, you make us wear the suit.
Copy !req
1102. - Run?
- Run.
Copy !req
1103. Run.
Copy !req
1104. - Zoe!
- Just go!
Copy !req
1105. I'm not leaving without her.
Copy !req
1106. What, are you crazy?
It's three against one!
Copy !req
1107. Never tell me the odds.
Copy !req
1108. - There can be only one.
Copy !req
1109. Time for you to get mauled, boy.
Copy !req
1110. - I'm good.
Copy !req
1111. - Go!
- Let's go!
Copy !req
1112. Man down! Man down!
Copy !req
1113. - Stop! Don't move!
Copy !req
1114. Run!
Copy !req
1115. Subjects are fleeing to the west corridor!
Copy !req
1116. - Go, go, go!
- Stop!
Copy !req
1117. Go, go!
Copy !req
1118. Come on!
Copy !req
1119. Hmm. Yoda says going up you are.
Copy !req
1120. - In!
- Get in! Get your ass in there!
Copy !req
1121. - Hurry!
- Let's go!
Copy !req
1122. - Move it! Over there!
Copy !req
1123. - Over there! Let's go!
Copy !req
1124. That was awesome!
Copy !req
1125. Where the hell are we?
Copy !req
1126. I have a bad feeling about this.
Copy !req
1127. Um, you guys don't think that the, um—
Copy !req
1128. We are in George Lucas's trash room.
Copy !req
1129. Don't be ridiculous, okay?
The walls are not gonna close in on us.
Copy !req
1130. - Holy—
- Jesus!
Copy !req
1131. - Let's fortify the walls with this.
- Do it!
Copy !req
1132. - Um, girls?
- God damn you, walls!
Copy !req
1133. Girls!
Copy !req
1134. That'd be the air duct.
Copy !req
1135. - And that there's the exit.
- Yeah, the exit.
Copy !req
1136. - And you guys are the big pussies.
- I knew.
Copy !req
1137. "3PO! We're all right!"
Copy !req
1138. - Guys, this way!
Copy !req
1139. - Yikes!
- Check in here.
Copy !req
1140. This one's clear.
Copy !req
1141. - Damn it, shut up!
Copy !req
1142. I think we lost 'em, right?
Copy !req
1143. Yeah, we lost them for now, but we
cannot run around this place all night.
Copy !req
1144. Guys!
Copy !req
1145. We're in the motherboard.
We're in.
Copy !req
1146. - George Lucas's office.
- George Lucas's office!
Copy !req
1147. Holy shit. Oh, wow.
We're— We're—
Copy !req
1148. - Oh, my God.
- We're in the motherboard.
Copy !req
1149. You guys need to see this.
You guys need to see this. Look.
Copy !req
1150. - Holy Hoth!
Copy !req
1151. - I think this is it. I think this is it.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1152. Play it. Play it.
Copy !req
1153. Hey, get over here.
Come on.
Copy !req
1154. The crawl!
Copy !req
1155. - Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1156. Come on! Come on!
Copy !req
1157. - Here you are.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1158. That hooker in Vegas gave me something.
Copy !req
1159. What?
Copy !req
1160. The truth.
Copy !req
1161. I'm in love with you and, uh—
Copy !req
1162. I love you too.
Copy !req
1163. - Stand back.
Copy !req
1164. - Okay, on your feet!
- Us?
Copy !req
1165. - Yeah! Come on up! On your feet!
- Get on outta here! Come on!
Copy !req
1166. Now! Get on your feet!
Copy !req
1167. Yeah, get on your feet!
Who the hell are these people?
Copy !req
1168. - And line up against the wall, all of you!
- Back against the wall!
Copy !req
1169. Get up! What are you talkin' about? Hey!
Copy !req
1170. Step away from the Millennium Falcon
and line up against the wall.
Copy !req
1171. - Now!
- Oh.
Copy !req
1172. - Oh, God.
- Linus, what are you doing, man?
Copy !req
1173. I'm feeling crazy right now.
Copy !req
1174. Dude, do you have any idea
how valuable that thing is?
Copy !req
1175. Not a good idea.
Copy !req
1176. Put it down. Come on.
Put it down now!
Copy !req
1177. You guys stand up against the wall,
Copy !req
1178. or I will smash this thing
into a billion pieces!
Copy !req
1179. I will.
I will smash this!
Copy !req
1180. - No.
- What, you think I won't?
Copy !req
1181. - No, I don't.
- No, you don't, you think that I won't...
Copy !req
1182. or, no, you don't, you think that I will?
Copy !req
1183. - The first one.
- I'm confused. Who's doing what now?
Copy !req
1184. - You tell me.
- It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
1185. Because if he puts down the Millennium
Falcon, I will smash this training remote...
Copy !req
1186. erasing it from history.
Copy !req
1187. - Come on, guys. Let's rethink this.
- Shut up, Windows!
Copy !req
1188. Who's doing what?
Copy !req
1189. Put down the Millennium Falcon
and the training remote...
Copy !req
1190. or I will destroy this puppet.
Copy !req
1191. - Craig! You can't!
- Shut up, Barry.
Copy !req
1192. - Put down Master Yoda!
- You put yours down, damn it!
Copy !req
1193. - I can't do it!
Copy !req
1194. - All right, everybody shut up!
- Oh!
Copy !req
1195. Swear to God, this little ewok
is going up in flames! I'll do it.
Copy !req
1196. - Do it. Go ahead. Burn it.
- I will.
Copy !req
1197. - Yeah, burn it.
- Guys, nobody wants this.
Copy !req
1198. - I will.
- Burn it. Burn it.
Copy !req
1199. - I'm gonna. That's what I said!
- Burn it!
Copy !req
1200. Good. I was always more of
a Star Trek fan anyway.
Copy !req
1201. Damn Trekkies are everywhere!
Copy !req
1202. All right, we'll take it from here.
Sir, give me the Falcon.
Copy !req
1203. I can't believe I let you guys
get me into this.
Copy !req
1204. Shut up!
Copy !req
1205. How you guys doing?
You guys doing good?
Copy !req
1206. So let me get this right.
Copy !req
1207. You guys wanted to see
our movie early for free.
Copy !req
1208. So you broke into private property, huh?
Copy !req
1209. - And you tried to steal it.
- I— I—
Copy !req
1210. I haven't even seen the movie yet!
Copy !req
1211. Sir, I understand that this looks bad—
Copy !req
1212. It looks like three-to-five-years, locked-up,
for-breaking-and-entering bad.
Copy !req
1213. That's right, sweet cheeks.
By the time y'all walk away from this...
Copy !req
1214. your faces are gonna be
shrunken and shriveled ...
Copy !req
1215. just like your one nut.
Copy !req
1216. What? How can he possibly know that?
Copy !req
1217. Oh, we know about your uniball.
Copy !req
1218. We know everything,
Mr. Harold Hutchinson, a.k.a. Hutch.
Copy !req
1219. Son of Gloria.
Humongous Rush fan.
Copy !req
1220. Dude, you're freaking me out.
How do you know this?
Copy !req
1221. Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.
Copy !req
1222. And because we have
a dossier on every single one of you.
Copy !req
1223. - No one move!
Copy !req
1224. Get your hands off the glass table.
Copy !req
1225. - Hello, Mr. Lucas.
Copy !req
1226. Shut up!
Shut your mouths.
Copy !req
1227. - Yes.
- I can hear his beard.
Copy !req
1228. Yes. Shut up. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
1229. I don't wanna say that
it was a hole in my security, but—
Copy !req
1230. How did you guys break in?
Copy !req
1231. - I used a grappling hook—
- And we climbed—
Copy !req
1232. - Was William Shatner involved with this?
- No. Not at all.
Copy !req
1233. They said no.
No. No one was hurt. Not yet.
Copy !req
1234. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
1235. Okay. Very well.
Copy !req
1236. Damn it. I've just been told
that what I said earlier I no longer believe.
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1237. Hmm?
Copy !req
1238. Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered
by what you have done here.
Copy !req
1239. And I have been informed
that I feel the same way.
Copy !req
1240. - So the charges are gonna be dropped.
Copy !req
1241. That is, of course, if you are...
Copy !req
1242. what you appear to be.
Copy !req
1243. Uh, what do we appear to be?
Copy !req
1244. Fanboys. Something we can easily
determine with a simple quiz.
Copy !req
1245. What is the name of the planet
that Leia gave Grand Moff Tarkin. ..
Copy !req
1246. As the false location of the rebel base
in Episode IV?
Copy !req
1247. Dantooine.
Copy !req
1248. What is the name of the gunner
in Luke's snow speeder?
Copy !req
1249. Dak.
Copy !req
1250. Where is a woman's g-spot located?
Copy !req
1251. What?
Copy !req
1252. If you were to ask a woman
to perform a Mississippi Handbag...
Copy !req
1253. where would your testicles end up?
Copy !req
1254. That's not a Star Wars question.
Copy !req
1255. I didn't say the nipples.
I said the little bumps around the nipples.
Copy !req
1256. Yar— Arr—
Copy !req
1257. That is not a Louisiana Pile Driver.
Copy !req
1258. But you wouldn't know
about that, would you? Hmph. Virgin.
Copy !req
1259. Virgin.
Copy !req
1260. Areola borealis?
Copy !req
1261. Near the— the, um, bumps?
Copy !req
1262. That's what you do.
You aim for the eye, grab the lip...
Copy !req
1263. lead her around the room—
Blinding The Marlin.
Copy !req
1264. God, you're sexy and well-versed.
I like it.
Copy !req
1265. Okay. Guards!
Copy !req
1266. Okay, that's it.
Copy !req
1267. That's what happens.
Okay, I got it. All right.
Copy !req
1268. - I'm good.
- Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1269. Congratulations.
Copy !req
1270. Mr. Lucas has decided to drop the charges.
Copy !req
1271. So, what?
We're free to go, right?
Copy !req
1272. Well, not exactly.
He says you can watch the film.
Copy !req
1273. What?
We can watch the movie?
Copy !req
1274. Hold it. Hold it.
Only you.
Copy !req
1275. It's good, man.
It's right.
Copy !req
1276. Chewie.
Copy !req
1277. - That's not bad.
- Thanks, man.
Copy !req
1278. There's something I need to—
I should ...
Copy !req
1279. probably tell you before, uh—
Copy !req
1280. Before I'm gone.
Copy !req
1281. You could say it.
I won't hold it against you.
Copy !req
1282. I just— I wish I could ...
Copy !req
1283. change these last three years, you know?
Copy !req
1284. You know, I wouldn't want you to.
Copy !req
1285. You gotta keep the flaws.
Copy !req
1286. Crappy effects.
Copy !req
1287. Real puppets.
Copy !req
1288. That's what makes it so good, you know?
Copy !req
1289. Yeah.
Copy !req
1290. This was never about the movie.
Copy !req
1291. You know, this was, uh—
this was about all of us.
Copy !req
1292. Hey.
Copy !req
1293. Look at us.
We're together again, freezing our nuts off.
Copy !req
1294. No teaming up! That's a rule!
Copy !req
1295. - You're such dicks!
Copy !req
1296. - Both of you are dicks!
- I'm gonna go save him.
Copy !req
1297. - Please.
- You coming?
Copy !req
1298. No, I'm good right here.
Copy !req
1299. All right, man.
Copy !req
1300. I'm good right here.
Copy !req
1301. Guys, it's time.
Copy !req
1302. That better be your lucky R2 poking me.
Copy !req
1303. Nope. My penis.
Copy !req
1304. You guys are gross.
Copy !req
1305. Any, uh— Any sign of Hutch?
Copy !req
1306. - Talk to me.
- It's me. Where the hell are you?
Copy !req
1307. I'm just finishing up
at the garage here, man.
Copy !req
1308. Shake a leg, ya bastard.
We're saving your place.
Copy !req
1309. All right.
Copy !req
1310. Okay!
Copy !req
1311. Yes! That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Copy !req
1312. - Hey!
- Hey! Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1313. Right at the buzzer.
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1314. Yeah!
Copy !req
1315. Excuse me.
Are you Eric Bottler?
Copy !req
1316. Yeah.
Copy !req
1317. - We just got your new comic.
- Whoa.
Copy !req
1318. - Thanks, guys. I appreciate that.
- I don't.
Copy !req
1319. I think it's quite shoddy.
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1320. - Worst series ever.
- Total Lucas rip-off!
Copy !req
1321. - The artwork is neophyte.
- At best.
Copy !req
1322. - What's up, my nerds?
- Ah.
Copy !req
1323. Why don't you ask the man
for an autograph?
Copy !req
1324. Ask the man for an autograph!
Copy !req
1325. Do it!
Copy !req
1326. "You are a douche bag.
Copy !req
1327. Love, Eric Bottler."
Here you go.
Copy !req
1328. All right, let's move it,
Boba Fags. End of the line.
Copy !req
1329. Move it! Let's go!
Copy !req
1330. Chaz, what the hell are you doing here, man?
Copy !req
1331. Ah, come on, bro.
It's the Wars.
Copy !req
1332. I love that about you.
Copy !req
1333. Look at you, C-3Penis Face.
How'd you pull that trim?
Copy !req
1334. - Doctor.
- Oh!
Copy !req
1335. - Smart man.
- Thank you, sir.
Copy !req
1336. They're good. There you go.
Copy !req
1337. - Hey, you guys. To Linus.
- Yeah, to Linus.
Copy !req
1338. - Hey, you guys.
- What, man?
Copy !req
1339. What if the movie sucks?
Copy !req