1. Halloween just got awesome, bitches!
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2. Prepare for the entrance of Lord Vader.
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3. Give yourself to the Dark Side.
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4. It's the only way you can save...
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5. You wore the same thing last year.
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6. - You son of a bitch.
- I'm sorry, guys. My codpiece is killing me.
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7. It's totally restricting my junk.
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8. You're gonna spill it or fill it, dude?
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9. Zoe.
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10. - Hi.
- Oh, my God. It's been a long time.
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11. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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12. You are... something with tampons.
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13. I'm Picasso's Blue Period.
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14. - Get it? Blue Period.
- Hmm.
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15. And you are? Corporate sleaze?
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16. Car salesman.
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17. I came straight from work, so this is...
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18. - Weak as usual, Bottler.
- Thank you.
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19. Are you here for a
reunion with the boys?
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20. Nope. That's just a pleasant surprise.
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21. Watch the cape, uh, uh...
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22. Well, enter at your own risk.
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23. Oh, my God.
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24. You guys have both got to
stop perpetuating this myth...
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25. that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass.
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26. All right? He has a jet
pack. So did the Rocketeer.
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27. - Really cool.
- Here we go.
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28. When it comes time for battle, the man's
Michael Bay... all style, no substance.
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29. If you diss the Fett again...
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30. I will corn-hole you with a lightsaberl
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31. Jesus. Is that Bottler?
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32. Hey, guys.
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33. You got a lot of nerve
showing your face around here.
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34. Give Daddy a huggy.
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35. - Yeah!
- Stop.
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36. You little bastard, I missed you.
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37. I hope that's just
your blaster poking me.
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38. - God, it's been parsecs.
- Yeah, it's good to see you too, man.
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39. - Linus.
- Hmm.
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40. - It's been, like, a year now, right?
- Three.
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41. - You still drawing?
- No. I bailed on that shit after high school.
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42. - How's life in the auto trade?
- Still second in command to the old man.
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43. Um, you?
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44. Comic book store's still afloat...
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45. but the geeks aren't
biting like the old days.
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46. - You?
- Get my money together so I can start my detailing business.
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47. I'm gonna call it the Hutch Touch.
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48. That's funny. I could've sworn you were
delivering pizza and living in your mom's garage.
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49. It's not a garage.
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50. It's a carriage house.
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51. Carriage house.
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52. How is your carriage?
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53. Ah! Ah! Ah!
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54. Hey, uh, have any of you
guys seen the phone jack?
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55. Uh, no, but I have seen
the social retard...
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56. who brought his Toughbook to a party.
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57. - I promised Rogue Leader I'd write her back tonight.
- Oh, God.
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58. - She is my girlfriend.
- On-line girlfriend.
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59. I met her in a Jedi chat
room. The woman is perfect.
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60. She's intelligent and acerbic
and, uh... and a die-hard fan.
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61. She's even got connections
inside the Lucas camp.
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62. Who's also got a man
package and a goatee.
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63. You guys are all just jealous
because she describes herself...
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64. as a cross between
Sarah Michelle Gellar...
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65. and Janeane Garofalo.
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66. Tell 'em how you described yourself.
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67. I was perfectly honest with her.
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68. You said you looked like
a white Billy Dee Williams.
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69. You called yourself white chocolate.
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70. I am white chocolate.
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71. Oh, oh! Windows, it's my turn.
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72. - Give it to me.
- Midnight. Another day down.
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73. Ah! Okay.
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74. Official Episode I countdown...
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75. is six months, 12 days,
eight hours and some change.
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76. I would sell my soul to see
that movie right here right now.
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77. Dude, I would sell my left nut.
And I only have the one nut.
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78. - So you see how serious I am?
- I cannot listen to this shit for another six months.
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79. Oh, shush your mouth, woman.
You know, we could see the movie.
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80. - Oh, please, not this again.
- Oh, yes, please, this again.
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81. " Tell us about the
rabbits, George. George. "
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82. Imagine.
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83. Okay?
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84. We drive across the
country in one night.
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85. We break into the Skywalker Ranch...
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86. and steal ourselves a print.
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87. Yeahl
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88. You guys have been talking about
this since the fifth grade, okay?
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89. - It's not gonna happen.
- Why the hell not?
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90. Well, first of all,
it's 2,000 miles away.
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91. Second of all, even if you could
get there, you'd be arrested.
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92. It's been a blast, Bottler.
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93. Way to douche up the party.
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94. Nothing is impossible.
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95. And I'll guarantee I'll find you a new
or used car, or my name isn't Big Chuck.
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96. - Right, girls?
- Ooh-hoo!
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97. Hool
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98. Yeahl
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99. All right!
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100. Attaboy, Eric. Now, see,
that's some slick advertising.
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101. Thanks, Pop.
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102. Reminds me of, what, that
Terry Bruckheimer movies.
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103. Yeah. Top Gun.
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104. - Thanks.
- Hiya, Eric.
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105. I'll handle this, Myron. Thanks.
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106. - Hey.
- We're in the market for some used droids.
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107. I should start you guys off
with a new set of wheels first...
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108. unless you're cool riding around
in the same rusted old shit box...
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109. you've had since the 10th grade.
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110. Hey, hey, hey!
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111. She may not look like much, but
she's got it where it counts.
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112. Uh, why are you guys here?
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113. Do you wanna look around the lot a
little bit, drive something? What?
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114. No. Uh, we came to talk about Linus.
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115. Well, he just needs to
realize that people lose touch.
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116. - That's just kind of the way things work.
- He's dying, Eric.
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117. - What?
- He's got cancer, man.
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118. He's tried everything to get
better, but nothing seems to work.
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119. Odds say three, four months maybe.
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120. And you guys are telling me this now?
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121. We wanted to tell you
months ago, honestly...
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122. but Linus made us promise
not to say anything.
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123. The way we see it, you guys have been
best friends since, like, first grade.
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124. So we figured you got the right to know.
You got the right to make your peace.
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125. How am I supposed to make my peace when
the guy doesn't even want me to know?
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126. With all due respect,
Eric, this isn't about you.
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127. - L... You know what?
- Holy shit.
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128. - Jesus Christ. - If it ain't
C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.
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129. What did you just
say, you giant bastard?
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130. - Well, well put.
- Thank you.
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131. - Still see you're driving the
nerd-mobile. - Chaz, you're an idiot.
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132. Hey, you know what? While you're out
here sticking G.I. Joes up your butt...
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133. I convinced Dad to let
me recut the commercial.
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134. So suck it. Huh?
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135. Aw, see, you flinched. That's
gonna be two, Princess Leia.
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136. Nanu-nanu.
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137. Get a haircut.
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138. - We should have killed him when we had the chance.
- Yeah.
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139. Jackass. Linus is coming over to
the carriage house later. So are you.
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140. Bye, Eric.
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141. No lightningl No lightningl
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142. - Aw, shit. I'm a midget.
- I'm gonna flatten your ass right now.
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143. Ah! Suck it, Count Fagula.
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144. Wow!
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145. There's no teaming up. That's a rule!
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146. Owl Head crampl
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147. Don't kill me.
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148. - Hey.
- Donkey balls.
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149. You made it, man.
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150. Your mom said clean up this shit-hole
or no grilled cheese for a week?
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151. That's emotional
blackmail, and you know it!
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152. - Screw youl
- I will sue you! Renter's rights!
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153. - You don't pay rentl
- Damn. Damn!
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154. - What the hell is he doing here, man?
- It was Hutch's idea.
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155. Grab a controller.
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156. We're ganging up on
Windows in Mario Kart.
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157. I can't. I came to
talk to Linus actually.
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158. Can I talk to you alone, man?
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159. Linus. Hey, stop walking.
Linus! Hold up, man.
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160. - Stop. What the hell, man? I did nothing to you.
- Exactly. You did nothing.
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161. Absolutely nothing.
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162. Eric Bottler graduates high
school and never looks back.
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163. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!
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164. What plan? To be the
next big thing in comics?
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165. Come on, man. That
was never gonna happen.
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166. I did what I had to do, dude. I
grew up. I'm the only one who did.
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167. - Look at you guys.
- You can fool everybody...
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168. with this cheap suit,
salesman-of-the-year pitch.
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169. But I know you better than anybody...
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170. and deep down, you are one
miserable son of a bitch.
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171. - Miserable, huh?
- Yeah. Miserable.
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172. Miserable is wasting your life in
Hutch's garage playing video games...
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173. arguing whether or not Luke
really had a thing for Leia.
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174. You know as well as anybody...
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175. that as soon as Luke knew Leia
was his sister, it was hands off.
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176. They still kiss.
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177. That was Leia kissing
Luke to make Han jealous.
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178. That was the second
time. The first time...
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179. The first time they're about to die!
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180. - They were not, you liar.
- They were swinging 30,000 feet in the air.
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181. You know when you're a sibling,
okay? There's something innate.
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182. - There's no telepathy between Luke and Leia till Episode VI.
- It spans the ocean.
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183. It was romance in a sci-fi opera!
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184. Who cares about this shit, man? Huh?
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185. - Who cares about...
- I do. I care.
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186. You need a new car.
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187. They were siblings. They were
siblings, you sick bastard!
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188. You are trapped now.
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189. You've made your last mistake.
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190. We need to talk.
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191. Sure, Pop. What's up?
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192. Okay. Here's the deal.
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193. It's time for the world to see
the new face of this company.
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194. And his name's Big Eric.
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195. Big Eric who?
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196. Big Eric you.
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197. It's all yours, kiddo.
The entire shebang.
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198. All 15 locations, from here to Seattle.
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199. I mean... Uh, yes.
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200. Yeah. I mean, wow.
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201. - Take the hat.
- I can't take your hat.
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202. Go ahead.
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203. No, really. It looks good on you.
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204. - Take the hat.
- But it's really...
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205. - Take the damn hat.
- Yeah. I'll wear it for...
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206. My God. Your mom would be so
proud to see you in that hat.
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207. I know, Pop.
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208. Hey. You and me? Tanning Tuesdays?
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209. You want to take your shirt off.
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210. You want to take your shirt off. God.
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211. - You wanna take that shirt off?
- Asshole.
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212. You have been trying thatJedi mind
shit on me since the eighth grade.
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213. - It doesn't work.
- Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
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214. He's been geeking out with
Rogue Leader all morning.
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215. Nothing can tear him away.
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216. - Ah!
- Rogue Leader, you are wicked.
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217. Ah, I love the feeling of
fresh air on my naked breasts.
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218. Oh, ho-ho!
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219. See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.
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220. What about me? I like sweater yams!
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221. Hey.
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222. What'll it be, fellas?
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223. - How much for the phaser gun?
- For the phaser gun?
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224. Sorry, Garfunkel. We
don't hock Trek here.
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225. Well, then, Slim, if you
don't sell the Trek...
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226. then why do you have a
phaser gun in the case?
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227. We keep this one here to suss out
Trekkie bitches like yourself...
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228. and tell them to get
the hell off of our land.
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229. So get the hell off of our land.
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230. Get the hell off of our land!
Get the hell out of here! Now!
Copy !req
231. Get out ofhere, you
Kirk-lovin'Spock-suckersl
Copy !req
232. - Hey.
- Hey.
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233. You guys know where a guy can pawn
off a first edition Eric Bottler comic?
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234. - Hey!
- Holy cannolis.
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235. Look at that. Yeah. That's awesome.
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236. Dude, you had sick skills back then.
You should've stuck with it, brother.
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237. Yeah. I would've been broke and
living in my parents' garage.
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238. - It's a carriage house.
- Right. I know it is.
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239. I have something else that
you guys might wanna check out.
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240. Well, what have we got here?
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241. Ohio to Califor... Is
this what I think it is?
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242. Linus laid the whole
thing out in fifth grade.
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243. I figure it's time for
another epic journey, isn't it?
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244. What's your game plan?
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245. We storm the ranch, or we die trying.
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246. Yeah.
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247. Well, you guys were all
about this at the party.
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248. - We were six Zimas to the wind at the party.
- Drunk.
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249. Come on. You even said the Rogue Leader
has connections inside the ranch, right?
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250. Rogue Leader? Please, man.
Windows never even met him.
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251. - Her!
- Him.
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252. - Maybe it's time that he does.
- Dude, this is a suicide mission, man.
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253. Why would we even try
anything like this?
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254. For Linus.
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255. Huh?
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256. No.
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257. - No?
- No. I'm not going.
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258. Aw, Linus, you've got to go.
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259. This is a conquest for the ages.
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260. Our names shall become legend...
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261. spoken in hushed tones by
nerds across the galaxy.
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262. And we'll get laid.
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263. - Okay, please stop that.
- Sorry. I was getting into that.
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264. I just don't wanna go
with Opie over there.
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265. Check this out, man.
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266. Floor plans to the Lucas Ranch.
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267. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Are you
kidding? How did you get these?
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268. My life partner, Rogue Leader,
she can break us in, man.
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269. The question you got
to ask yourself is...
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270. " Do you have the nut sack
to go through with it?"
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271. If I do this, it
doesn't change anything.
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272. I'll grab my suitcase
and some Big League Chew.
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273. - Yes!
- ThunderCats! Ho!
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274. - Told you. I knew he'd go.
- Stop humping.
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275. Please stop humping. Just high five.
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276. - Oh, God. I'm Jabba the Hump.
- Oh, goddamn it.
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277. - Chewie!
- Chewie! Damn it!
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278. Wait a second. Whoa.
What the hell's Chewie?
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279. It's the same rules as shotgun.
Either way, I always lose.
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280. - Furball, you do the honors?
- Yeah.
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281. Strap in, fellas.
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282. Whool
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283. What the hell, Hutch? It's all Rush.
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284. - Ever want a little variety?
- Rush is variety, bitch.
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285. Ohl
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286. Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush.
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287. All Rush, all the time.
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288. No exceptions.
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289. Rule number two:
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290. Nobody touch the red button.
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291. And I mean never touch the red button.
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292. Most importantly,
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293. there's no jerking it in my van.
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294. What?
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295. Fine.
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296. Don't roll your eyes
at me, Admiral Jackbar.
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297. " Established in 1985...
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298. " the Skywalker Ranch
is the headquarters...
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299. of George Lucas's filmmaking empire. "
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300. So according to Rogue Leader's map...
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301. our best odds for finding the
film is in here... the main house.
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302. Oh, my God. That place is legendary.
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303. And we meet Rogue Leader at a coffee
shop in Texas Wednesday, 3:00 p. M. Sharp.
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304. - Mm-hmm. - She's gonna give us
absolutely everything we need...
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305. - to get into the compound.
- Nice.
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306. White chocolate finally
gets to meet his dream girl.
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307. - Ohl
- Oohl Oohl
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308. Well, according to this, 80
West is our fastest route.
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309. So we got 26 hours to
make it to Texas, boys.
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310. Consider it done.
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311. Ah!
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312. Wakey, wakey. Hands off steakey.
Copy !req
313. - It's time for Hutch's pit stop.
- Where are we?
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314. Some say heaven. I like to call it Iowa.
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315. Iowa? What about Rogue Leader?
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316. - Iowa?
- Yeah. I made a little detour.
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317. Hutch, we're supposed
to be going to Texas.
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318. Welcome to Riverside, gentlemen...
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319. future birthplace of one
Captain James T. Kirk.
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320. Enemy territory! Nice.
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321. Man, you drove all night for this?
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322. Dude, I'd drive all year for the
chance to pimp slap some Trekkies.
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323. You know what? Leave me out of it.
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324. Let's crack some Trekkie skulls!
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325. Let's do itl
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326. And it is believed that
on this very spot...
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327. Captain James Tiberius
Kirk will be born.
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328. Hence, the statue immortalizing him...
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329. grappling with his
most accursed nemesis.
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330. Ricardo Montalbán?
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331. Genetically engineered tyrant Khan.
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332. - It doesn't look like either of them.
- Thank you for pointing that out.
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333. That is because the whores at Viacom
International threatened to sue us...
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334. if we used their
likenesses, so we make do.
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335. Yes. The gentleman in the beige.
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336. I was wondering what did Sulu
find in Captain Kirk's lavatory.
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337. Sulu clearly found a standard issue
Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device.
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338. I believe it was the Captain's log.
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339. Very good.
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340. A laugh a day keeps the doctor
away, everyone. We've been saved.
Copy !req
341. - Ooh.
- Any other comic relief?
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342. - Ah!
- There's still homeless out there.
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343. - Hey!
- Yes! What? You! What? Yes.
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344. What is the Klingon translation
for, "You're gonna die a virgin"?
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345. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hilarious, everyone.
Copy !req
346. Looks like we got more Lucas
hounds here to mock Roddenberry.
Copy !req
347. Congratulations, gentlemen,
but I would like to see...
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348. your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone.
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349. And we'll see who's
laughing then. Am I right?
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350. Darth Vader can put the entire Borg
collective in a vice grip with his mind.
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351. Uh, Darth Vader has asthma...
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352. so name me one Star Trek character
with a respiratory disease...
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353. 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
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354. Name me one Star Wars
character who's gay.
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355. - Yeah.
- Besides you.
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356. Well, no one's gay in Star Trek,
so why would I even do that?
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357. Captain Picard.
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358. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
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359. Come on. " Make
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360. I hate to break it to you
losers, but Han Solo's a bitch.
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361. Ah, no, he didn't. No, he didn't.
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362. What did you just say?
Copy !req
363. - Is there a problem here?
- Yeah, there sure is, Spock.
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364. The admiral here just
called Han Solo a bitch.
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365. - Good one.
- Some pretty strong words for a Trekkie.
Copy !req
366. A Trekkie is derogatory
at this point in the game.
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367. Trekker is what we're
called now. Trekker.
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368. Oh, I'm sorry. Trekkie.
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369. Just take a look-see here.
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370. What's with the man-purse?
Copy !req
371. Yep. As I thought...
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372. scanner reads " douche bag. "
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373. Push me, I'll kill your whole Starfleet.
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374. Unbelievable!
Copy !req
375. Snikt! Snitk! Come on, bub!
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376. Attack, you cowards! That's an order!
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377. - Hutch!
- Cover me, Windowsl
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378. Evasive maneuvers! Evasive maneuvers!
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379. - My ear!
- Ha-ha!
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380. Nighty-night,
Spock-sucker.
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381. Beam this, bitch!
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382. Time-out! I call
time-out! Time-out!
Copy !req
383. - Disable their vehicle.
- Get in! Go!
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384. Get in the vanl Get in the vanl
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385. Disable the vehicle.
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386. Kill the Star-roids!
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387. Get theml
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388. Han Solo is still a bitch!
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389. Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch.
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390. Yeah!
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391. Hey, Bottler, hit 'em
with the pressed ham!
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392. Klingon to this.
Copy !req
393. Kha-a-a-an!
Copy !req
394. Kha-a-a-an!
Copy !req
395. Whoo!
Copy !req
396. I took that Vulcan down hard.
Copy !req
397. I rolled him into the dirt
like he was my frickin tauntaun.
Copy !req
398. Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't
for me, you guys would all be dead.
Copy !req
399. What fight were you watching?
I was channeling the emperor.
Copy !req
400. The emperor? I don't remember the emperor
crapping his robe and screaming "time-out. "
Copy !req
401. - Oh, my God. That's right. -
There is such a thing as time-out.
Copy !req
402. I can feel your anger growing
inside. Wait. Time-out.
Copy !req
403. All right. Time-out.
Copy !req
404. We had to take your van, Hutch.
Copy !req
405. I have access to literally
thousands of vehicles...
Copy !req
406. but we had to take your van.
Copy !req
407. Yeah, well, I had a spare tire...
Copy !req
408. but some tardo took it out to make
some room for his grappling hook.
Copy !req
409. What? We're on a covert operation.
Copy !req
410. How can you be on a covert
operation without a grappling hook?
Copy !req
411. Oh! Wait.
Copy !req
412. What in Greedo's name is that?
Copy !req
413. Talk about a wretched
hive of scum and villainy.
Copy !req
414. Hmm.
Copy !req
415. You guys stay right here.
I'll take care of this.
Copy !req
416. How you doing, fellas? Hi, fellas.
Copy !req
417. So our car broke down
a couple of miles back.
Copy !req
418. Is there anyone you
know who can help us?
Copy !req
419. No.
Copy !req
420. Can I have some water?
Copy !req
421. Yeah, a glass of water, please.
Copy !req
422. Great.
Copy !req
423. Pirate teeth. Pirate teeth.
Copy !req
424. - Pirate teeth. Don't.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
425. A hundred bucks.
Copy !req
426. For a glass of water? That's
ridiculous. I'm not gonna pay that.
Copy !req
427. Sure you will.
Copy !req
428. Hell, no. Hell, no.
Back up, buddy. Back off.
Copy !req
429. Word to the wise, ese.
Copy !req
430. - Oohl - Drop the tough-ass
biker routine before I get angry.
Copy !req
431. And you won't like me when I'm angry.
Copy !req
432. Hmm, I think I would.
Copy !req
433. - Hutch, let's not do this.
- Hutch, maybe...
Copy !req
434. Nah. Nah. Nah.
Copy !req
435. This guy wants to dick
with me, fine. I can dick.
Copy !req
436. I used to rape guys 15
times your size in prison.
Copy !req
437. So you best back off...
Copy !req
438. - or, so help me God, I'm gonna pound your ass so hard...
- Oh, Jesus.
Copy !req
439. - No. Hutch.
- What?
Copy !req
440. - There's kind of a thing in this bar. Like that.
- See?
Copy !req
441. Lxnay on the ass pounding.
Copy !req
442. A hundred dollars? That's cool.
Copy !req
443. Afraid it's too late for that, ese.
Copy !req
444. Our midnight entertainment bailed.
Copy !req
445. Time to pay for that drink.
Copy !req
446. Oh, dear God. We're gonna
die up here, aren't we?
Copy !req
447. We have to strip to Menudo?
Copy !req
448. You got a problem with
Menudo? Now, take it off!
Copy !req
449. That's it, man!
Copy !req
450. " Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"
Copy !req
451. You want some Swayze action, bitches?
Copy !req
452. Yeah! You like that, huh?
Copy !req
453. Whoo!
Copy !req
454. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do
it, and you're gonna like it!
Copy !req
455. He's got one ball. Un testículo.
Copy !req
456. Oh, that's disgusting.
Copy !req
457. Okay, I had a...
Copy !req
458. torrid lightsaber battle
went wrong when I was a child.
Copy !req
459. All right, all right, all
right. Show's over, fellas.
Copy !req
460. - You boys took a wrong turn?
- Our car broke down.
Copy !req
461. The Chief can fix it.
Copy !req
462. The Chief?
Copy !req
463. This is some kick-ass
guac you whipped up, man.
Copy !req
464. - I feel funny.
- Tingly.
Copy !req
465. - I feel good.
- Karate is cool.
Copy !req
466. Guys, I don't think we're eating...
Copy !req
467. your everyday garden-variety guacamole.
Copy !req
468. I got recipe from Emeril.
Copy !req
469. Avocado, onion, chopped garlic... Bam!
Copy !req
470. - Bam!
- Bam!
Copy !req
471. And the Chief's secret ingredient.
Copy !req
472. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
473. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
474. - What?
- What?
Copy !req
475. There's an ewok right beside you.
Copy !req
476. Oh, wow. She's humping your
leg. It's humping your leg.
Copy !req
477. She's humping your leg. I love you.
Copy !req
478. Wahh!
Copy !req
479. Death is but a path to life,
a passage to the stars...
Copy !req
480. to the universe.
Copy !req
481. I know what you mean.
Copy !req
482. You mean the Force.
Copy !req
483. The Force.
Copy !req
484. Guys, my dad is gonna kill me
if I don't get to work on Monday.
Copy !req
485. Putz. Screw it, man.
Copy !req
486. - No!
- Join me, Son.
Copy !req
487. Come to the Dark Side.
Copy !req
488. - The Dark Side.
- No! No!
Copy !req
489. Rogue Leader.
Copy !req
490. What the hell you doing,
man? You're poking me.
Copy !req
491. Oh, God. Don't flatter yourself, okay?
Copy !req
492. It's just my R2. My lucky R2.
Copy !req
493. Man, you wish you had the
height and girth of D2.
Copy !req
494. - Yeahl
- Wowl
Copy !req
495. Hah! Van!
Copy !req
496. Son of a whore! The Buce is back.
Copy !req
497. The Chief fixed it
while you were asleep.
Copy !req
498. The Chief fixed it. Is he
around? Can we thank him?
Copy !req
499. He's the Chief. You're
the Chief, aren't you?
Copy !req
500. - Why didn't you say so?
- The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person.
Copy !req
501. It causes confusion,
especially with the bitches.
Copy !req
502. Well, you're cool as balls,
you burned-out old hash-head.
Copy !req
503. Wonder Twins power activate.
Copy !req
504. It's been interesting.
Copy !req
505. Thanks.
Copy !req
506. You need it more than I do.
Copy !req
507. Wow. Thank you. I, uh...
Copy !req
508. - Good luck.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
509. Who's up for Texas, boys?
Copy !req
510. Hey...
Copy !req
511. Yeah!
Copy !req
512. - Yes! - #Bah,
Copy !req
513. Thank you for the blue balls, ladiesl
Copy !req
514. Harrison Ford is the
greatest actor of all timel
Copy !req
515. In the history of cinema?
Copy !req
516. He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!
Copy !req
517. - Deckard from Blade Runner.
- Yes. Exactly.
Copy !req
518. Greatest actor of all time.
Copy !req
519. He's never done a bad movie.
Copy !req
520. Does that sign say " electric
fence"? Watch this. Ready?
Copy !req
521. Let's just hope she's still here.
Copy !req
522. Oh, she'll be here.
Copy !req
523. Give her a taste of
that white chocolate.
Copy !req
524. What do you think?
Copy !req
525. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
526. - 'Toid me.
- You ready?
Copy !req
527. - Yeah. Thank you.
- Nice.
Copy !req
528. Go get her.
Copy !req
529. Hi there.
Copy !req
530. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
531. Rogue Leader, I presume?
Copy !req
532. Red 6?
Copy !req
533. Let me just put my glasses on.
Copy !req
534. What the hell?
Copy !req
535. You're a kid. You're 12.
Copy !req
536. - I'm 10.
- You're 10?
Copy !req
537. I'm a pedophile! I'm a pedophile!
Copy !req
538. - I'm a pedophile!
- Give us a moment, please.
Copy !req
539. I have to leave this state at once.
Copy !req
540. Yea! Yea!
Copy !req
541. That was fantastic.
Copy !req
542. We drove a thousand miles, Windows.
Copy !req
543. A thousand. For what?
Copy !req
544. So you can get funky with
Strawberry Shortcakes?
Copy !req
545. It's not really sex if it's cyber-sex.
Copy !req
546. Relax. We're gonna sit down. We're
gonna put on our thinking caps.
Copy !req
547. - And we're gonna get a better plan.
- No, it's...
Copy !req
548. I have to be back by Monday.
Copy !req
549. I haven't told you
guys this yet, but my...
Copy !req
550. My dad gave me the company.
Copy !req
551. - Hey!
- Thanks, man.
Copy !req
552. Yeah, the whole thing. The
whole thing is mine now.
Copy !req
553. What's the new game plan?
Copy !req
554. Let's get in the van and
get the hell out of here.
Copy !req
555. - This is just a minor setback.
- It's a minor setback for you.
Copy !req
556. I live in the real world,
okay? I have to go back to work.
Copy !req
557. You have to go back
to... your mom's garage.
Copy !req
558. - It's a carriage house.
- It's a garage, man.
Copy !req
559. - Say it again.
- It's a garage.
Copy !req
560. - Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Guysl
Copy !req
561. - Holding my schlong!
- Okay! Okay.
Copy !req
562. - Harry Knowles.
- Harry who?
Copy !req
563. - Hello.
- This man is the ultimate fanboy, Eric.
Copy !req
564. His Web site "A in't it Cool News"
is like every geek's homepage.
Copy !req
565. Which one of you's Windows?
Copy !req
566. Me.
Copy !req
567. I'm Windows.
Copy !req
568. - Nice to meet you...
- Ohl
Copy !req
569. Back off!
Copy !req
570. - Oh, God!
- Ohh!
Copy !req
571. Harry Knowles is kicking Windows's ass.
Copy !req
572. Now, you listen to me, perv.
Copy !req
573. If you ever e-mail my niece again,
I will hunt you down like a T-1000.
Copy !req
574. Okay, Mr. Knowles, he
didn't know... Okay.
Copy !req
575. - You will release my friends.
- Back!
Copy !req
576. We wanted to break into the Skywalker Ranch.
Kimmy said she'd give us the floor plans.
Copy !req
577. We were gonna break in and
steal Episode I, that's it.
Copy !req
578. That is the stupidest thing I've heard
since Schumacher put nips on Batman.
Copy !req
579. - Ohh!
- These aren't the droids you're looking for, man.
Copy !req
580. - Heh!
- Anybody else have any stupid comments?
Copy !req
581. It's very stupid, but true. We've been
planning this since we were like six.
Copy !req
582. Listen. Harry, Harry, Harry.
Copy !req
583. If you help us out, we'll give you
all the exclusive spoilers and all.
Copy !req
584. - Okay?
- Ohh.
Copy !req
585. That's an interesting offer.
Episode Vwas directed by who?
Copy !req
586. - Irvin Kershner. -
That was just a warm-up.
Copy !req
587. You. In Episode VI when Leia
shoots down two scout troopers...
Copy !req
588. why doesn't she take one of the
speeder bikes instead of walking?
Copy !req
589. If you pay attention closely,
the speeder bikes were destroyed.
Copy !req
590. And then Luke refers to it
later on in the dialogue.
Copy !req
591. Impressive. I wasn't really
worried about you though.
Copy !req
592. What was Luke Skywalker's call sign
during the rebel assault in Episode IV?
Copy !req
593. Red 5.
Copy !req
594. You are all only as strong
as your weakest link.
Copy !req
595. Hello, weakest link.
Copy !req
596. - What?
- What is the name of Chewbacca's home planet?
Copy !req
597. It's never discussed in
the movies. That's not fair.
Copy !req
598. I know. I know.
Copy !req
599. Do you give up?
Copy !req
600. Come on, man. Say it.
Copy !req
601. Kashyyyk. Kashyyyk. Chewie's
home planet is Kashyyyk.
Copy !req
602. Chewie's home planet is Kashyyyk.
Copy !req
603. Well played, boys. I'll help you.
Copy !req
604. You're gonna meet my friend in Vegas.
Copy !req
605. - He's got everything you need. Okay?
- Okay.
Copy !req
606. - How will we know who he is?
- Oh, don't worry. You'll know.
Copy !req
607. The password: Scruffy Nerfherder.
Copy !req
608. - Scruffy Nerfherder.
- Good luck, boys.
Copy !req
609. Nice detailing.
Copy !req
610. We're going to Vegas, fellas.
Copy !req
611. Hey, Hutch, you mind slowing down?
Copy !req
612. Sorry. I don't speak jagoff.
Copy !req
613. I just thought it might be
nice to get to Vegas alive.
Copy !req
614. Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
615. We got Imperial bacon.
Copy !req
616. Okay, probably not the best
time to tell you guys this...
Copy !req
617. but, uh, there's a giant bag of
peyote in the back of the van.
Copy !req
618. - What?
- Excuse me?
Copy !req
619. The Chief gave it to me.
Copy !req
620. Hutch, just pull over and
get the ticket, man, okay?
Copy !req
621. We can't pull over with a
big-ass bag of peyote on us.
Copy !req
622. Pull over and stopl
Copy !req
623. Do what he says, Hutch.
Do what he says, Hutch.
Copy !req
624. - Don't do what he says.
- Do what he says, Hutch.
Copy !req
625. - It's gonna be okay, fellas. It's gonna be okay.
- Pull over, man.
Copy !req
626. Suck my exhaust, pork rind!
Copy !req
627. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus!
Copy !req
628. - Talk to me, Goose.
- Talk to you? He's back.
Copy !req
629. - He found us!
- God!
Copy !req
630. - Move this piece of shit!
- You don't call my van a piece of shit!
Copy !req
631. - Well?
- Hey, ladies, ladies!
Copy !req
632. You got to break rule number two.
Copy !req
633. - Chewie, prepare to make the jump to hyperspace.
- Yes!
Copy !req
634. Okay, I'm ready.
Copy !req
635. Somebody tell me what the
goddamn red button's for!
Copy !req
636. It's light speed, kid.
Copy !req
637. - Light speed?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
638. Punch it!
Copy !req
639. What the... Come on!
Copy !req
640. - You're not gonna do this to me now.
- No. Okay, I'm resetting.
Copy !req
641. Light speed. Impressive.
Copy !req
642. I put a tank of nitrous in
this thing. It's not firing.
Copy !req
643. - Hutch, please do something.
- Hutch!
Copy !req
644. Damn it.
Copy !req
645. Whoo!
Copy !req
646. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
647. It's working! Whoo!
Copy !req
648. - Stay on target! Stay on target!
- Oh, Godl
Copy !req
649. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
650. I probably shouldn't have
called that cop a fag.
Copy !req
651. I think he took it the wrong way.
Copy !req
652. Breakfast.
Copy !req
653. - Oh, God.
- Ow!
Copy !req
654. - Jesus!
- Oh, God.
Copy !req
655. Ham and cheese.
Copy !req
656. Well, look on the bright side, you
guys. This trip can't get any worse.
Copy !req
657. It just did, boys.
Copy !req
658. - What?
- I got to drop a sewer pickle.
Copy !req
659. Yeah, I got to throw her into reverse.
Copy !req
660. Bottler, give me your sandwich, bro.
Copy !req
661. Hook me up. Another one.
Copy !req
662. - What's the sandwich for?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
663. I'm not gonna sit on this.
Copy !req
664. - Oh, Hutch!
- Jesus.
Copy !req
665. It's crawling with criminal ass germs.
Copy !req
666. - Just hover, man. -
Okay, listen up, pre-pubes.
Copy !req
667. You got a visitor... Sweet can of corn.
Copy !req
668. What are you doing with that ham sandwich,
boy? It's not right what you're doing.
Copy !req
669. Hutch, you owe me a sock.
Copy !req
670. I had to wipe with something.
Copy !req
671. You pussies owe me, big time.
Copy !req
672. - Oh, Zoe, thank God.
- We weren't sure if you'd gotten our message.
Copy !req
673. If by message you mean Windows shrieking into
my answering machine like a little girl...
Copy !req
674. - then yes, message received.
- You don't know what we've been through.
Copy !req
675. Hutch just took a dump in front of us.
Copy !req
676. Yeah. That's life inside the big house.
Copy !req
677. Zoe, promise me you brought the money.
Copy !req
678. I cleared out every cent
Windows had in the comic store.
Copy !req
679. - You what?
- Oh! Don't even speak.
Copy !req
680. I took two taxis, an airplane
and an all-night bus ride...
Copy !req
681. next to an old man that I am
pretty sure had a full diaper.
Copy !req
682. Hey, hey, okay. Okay,
visiting time's over.
Copy !req
683. The judge wants to see y'all
in his private chambers.
Copy !req
684. Oh, yeah. Just one more thing.
Copy !req
685. Whatever you do, do not
make fun of his name.
Copy !req
686. Let me see if I got this right.
Copy !req
687. Now, you tried to outrun
an officer of the law...
Copy !req
688. because you obtained a bag of
peyote from a Mexican Indian chief...
Copy !req
689. who thought it would help treat
your friend's terminal illness?
Copy !req
690. - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
691. I'm gonna let you boys go.
Copy !req
692. Not because I believe you.
Copy !req
693. - Because I believe your father.
- My father?
Copy !req
694. - Mm-hmm. - You actually
spoke with my dad?
Copy !req
695. Sure did.
Copy !req
696. He wanted me to give you this message.
Copy !req
697. Approach the bench.
Copy !req
698. Have a nice day, son.
Copy !req
699. Yeah. Man's gone carbonite freeze on us.
Copy !req
700. We got to be in Vegas
in less than 24 hours.
Copy !req
701. All right. I'm gonna go
smack some sense into the boy.
Copy !req
702. Whoa. Cut him some slack.
Copy !req
703. Okay.
Copy !req
704. I just mapped out our route
to Vegas on my Toughbook...
Copy !req
705. and the closest airport's about
a hundred miles north of here.
Copy !req
706. So all we got to do is
drop the ol' Zoe off...
Copy !req
707. and then it's a straight
shot to Sin City.
Copy !req
708. Ho! Hold on.
Copy !req
709. You haul my ass out into
the middle of nowhere...
Copy !req
710. and expect me to just jump
on the first plane back?
Copy !req
711. Sorry. It's not gonna happen.
Copy !req
712. Come on. You know this trip is men only.
Copy !req
713. I tell you what.
Copy !req
714. I'll get on the plane if any
one of you can take me down.
Copy !req
715. Listen, Princess.
Copy !req
716. No one wants to see you get hurt.
Copy !req
717. I'm gonna get Botts.
Copy !req
718. - Get off of mel
- Oh, my Godl
Copy !req
719. - Be a man, Hutch.
- Get her off of me!
Copy !req
720. - Hutch, say " time-out.
" - Don't just stand there!
Copy !req
721. Shoot herl Somebody shoot herl
Copy !req
722. - Help me, for God sake! God help me!
- Gentlemen.
Copy !req
723. - Get the jaws oflifel
- I'm good.
Copy !req
724. Welcome aboard.
Copy !req
725. - Now go get Eric.
- Yes, sir!
Copy !req
726. And be nice.
Copy !req
727. You're lucky I have a crush on you.
Copy !req
728. Yo, Botts, you okay?
Copy !req
729. You know, I could do
this... start a life here.
Copy !req
730. Clean slate. Fresh air.
Copy !req
731. No pressure, no responsibility.
Copy !req
732. Yeah, it seems nice, man.
Copy !req
733. In theory it sounds nice.
Copy !req
734. I bet there's not even like a Blockbuster
Video within 500 miles of here.
Copy !req
735. Or like a Falafel Hut or...
Copy !req
736. Guys, shut up.
Copy !req
737. I just figured if I...
Copy !req
738. worked hard and...
Copy !req
739. sold enough cars and impressed
my dad enough times, I'd...
Copy !req
740. I'd feel something.
Copy !req
741. You gotta find your Death Star.
Copy !req
742. Okay, I'll bite.
Copy !req
743. Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did...
Copy !req
744. was take down the Death Star, right?
Copy !req
745. As far as I'm concerned,
that's what everybody needs.
Copy !req
746. You need that one bad-ass thing...
Copy !req
747. that lets you live on forever, you know.
Copy !req
748. Yeah.
Copy !req
749. Hey, Spice Girlsl
Copy !req
750. Are you gonna swap recipes all day?
Copy !req
751. Vegas awaits, ladies.
Copy !req
752. - Wow!
- Sweet!
Copy !req
753. And here's where you learn
how to do Vegas, fanboy style.
Copy !req
754. You guys thinking what I'm thinking?
Copy !req
755. They are everywhere, Giles.
Copy !req
756. Mama, star people.
Copy !req
757. This is so gay.
Copy !req
758. Ow!
Copy !req
759. Let me get that for you.
Copy !req
760. You, uh... You might
wanna hit the showers.
Copy !req
761. 'Cause you smell like
something shit in my nose.
Copy !req
762. - Yes, Your Highnessness.
- Ewl
Copy !req
763. What in God's name is living on your
chest? It looks like you fell on ALF.
Copy !req
764. - Godl
- Look who's back in uniform.
Copy !req
765. - Nice.
- Yeah, it's almost 8:00, so we gotta go meet Harry's contact.
Copy !req
766. Then let's go.
Copy !req
767. - You guys coming?
- I'll catch up with you guys later.
Copy !req
768. I'm just gonna do a bit of
pillagin' the tables first.
Copy !req
769. - Twenty-two.
Loser. - Ah, Jesus!
Copy !req
770. That is mathematically impossible.
Copy !req
771. I must have the worst luck
in the northern hemisphere.
Copy !req
772. I heard about the Rogue Leader debacle.
Copy !req
773. - That's one for the record books.
- Hey.
Copy !req
774. A cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and
Janeane Garofalo, it's too good to be true.
Copy !req
775. I just have to face the
facts, Zoe. I'm 24 years old...
Copy !req
776. and I've only ever
copulated with one woman.
Copy !req
777. Plenty of guys have
only been with one woman.
Copy !req
778. I don't know that many women to
have only been with one woman.
Copy !req
779. I, uh... I'm female kryptonite.
Copy !req
780. Look, you're fine around me.
Copy !req
781. Well, yeah, of course
I am. That's 'cause...
Copy !req
782. you are not a girl.
Copy !req
783. You know what I mean?
Copy !req
784. No. Please enlighten me.
Copy !req
785. You know every Bond villain, you
constantly quote Clash of the Titans...
Copy !req
786. and you've beat every Zelda
game Nintendo's ever released.
Copy !req
787. - I mean...
- Dude, dude, dude. Three o'clock, man.
Copy !req
788. Hotties on the slotties.
Copy !req
789. I would knock the
nickels out of that pussy!
Copy !req
790. Dude, you're gonna be my Dak
today, all right? Follow my lead.
Copy !req
791. - Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. You wanna just talk to them?
- Yeah. It's called having balls.
Copy !req
792. Or in your case, one ball. Come
on. Eric and Linus are waiting.
Copy !req
793. What are you, the wife? Let's go.
Copy !req
794. - Wait. You're going over there?
- Uh...
Copy !req
795. Turns out you're more
clueless than you think.
Copy !req
796. - Apparently, so am I.
- What does that mean? Zoe!
Copy !req
797. - Zoel
- Come on.
Copy !req
798. - Pardon me.
- Hi there.
Copy !req
799. - Hello. How are you?
- Hi.
Copy !req
800. - Hi.
- Ladies.
Copy !req
801. You ladies looking for
love in Alderaan places?
Copy !req
802. - Excuse me?
- Alderaan is the last planet destroyed by the Death Star...
Copy !req
803. Bomba, bomba, bomba!
Dat-dat-dat-dat-dat-dat! Daniel-san.
Copy !req
804. What my socially retarded
friend was trying to say...
Copy !req
805. was that we'd like to maybe
buy you two gals a beverage.
Copy !req
806. - Sure.
- Sure.
Copy !req
807. Oh, my God. Wow.
Copy !req
808. You know, uh, Eric and
Linus are waiting for us.
Copy !req
809. I think that they're
going to understand.
Copy !req
810. They're going to understand.
Copy !req
811. Where are they, man? It's
almost... It's almost 8:00!
Copy !req
812. I don't know where they are, but we
don't have time to wait for 'em. Come on.
Copy !req
813. Convention room's this way. Let's go.
Copy !req
814. - Rak nonl
- Yes, sir!
Copy !req
815. Phasers on stun.
Copy !req
816. Being the C.E.O. Of my own company...
Copy !req
817. I'm not gonna lie to
you, I get a lot of perks.
Copy !req
818. I got a big-ass mansion, you know.
Copy !req
819. I got a butler... Maurice.
Copy !req
820. Bentley in the drive. Flux capacitor.
Copy !req
821. I mean, the 1.21 gigawatts,
that don't come cheap, you know.
Copy !req
822. - But I got the duckets, you know.
- Wow.
Copy !req
823. There's nothing more sexy
than a man with power.
Copy !req
824. What do you mean?
Like... You like power?
Copy !req
825. - Uh-huh. -
I like power.
Copy !req
826. - I got a hell of a lot of power.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
827. Yeah.
Copy !req
828. You want to come sit on my lap.
Copy !req
829. Oh. Wow.
Copy !req
830. You want to take your shirt off.
Copy !req
831. Wow-ar-r-rm.
Copy !req
832. Yummy!
Copy !req
833. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
834. - Can you smell that?
- Trekkies.
Copy !req
835. Yeah.
Copy !req
836. Badges.
Copy !req
837. Yeah, we're not here for the Trek.
Copy !req
838. Okay? We're here to see somebody.
Copy !req
839. And who would that be?
Copy !req
840. We're here to see the nerfherder.
Copy !req
841. - Hmm?
- Scruffy Nerfherder.
Copy !req
842. Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop!
Copy !req
843. And then Zoe just storms off.
Copy !req
844. I mean, she's really...
Copy !req
845. a very difficult specimen
to read sometimes.
Copy !req
846. If you know what I mean. But I...
Copy !req
847. You just can't act like that
if you wanna be one of the guys.
Copy !req
848. Maybe... she doesn't
wanna be one of the guys.
Copy !req
849. She likes you.
Copy !req
850. But I didn't... But she kind of just...
Copy !req
851. Jesus Murphy!
Copy !req
852. Wow. Okay.
Copy !req
853. What-What should I do?
Copy !req
854. Well, if there's one thing
I learned being an escort...
Copy !req
855. it's that actions
speak louder than words.
Copy !req
856. Did you just say " escort"?
Copy !req
857. Fantastic.
Copy !req
858. Shh!
Copy !req
859. - I don't think we're alone.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
860. You're latel
Copy !req
861. It's all there... maps, pass codes...
Copy !req
862. phony I.D.'s to get you past the front
gates, but that's not what's most important.
Copy !req
863. What's most important?
Copy !req
864. We never met.
Copy !req
865. - That's Capt...
- Yeah. I think...
Copy !req
866. I should... Hi. I can't believe
that these are classified.
Copy !req
867. And there's... Look at the
maps. I mean, there's badges.
Copy !req
868. And there's Trekkin'with
TJ. What is this for?
Copy !req
869. Just something for the ride.
Copy !req
870. - Thank you.
- This is unreal. How did you score all this stuff?
Copy !req
871. Are you kidding? I'm William
Shatner. I can score anything.
Copy !req
872. - Okay.
- How 'bout... How 'boutJeri Ryan's panties?
Copy !req
873. - Oh.
- Anything.
Copy !req
874. - I'm so glad that we met.
- Me too.
Copy !req
875. This is... Whoa. Hey. Wait, wait.
Copy !req
876. Okay, let me go.
Copy !req
877. - Hutch, private convo. Jesus.
- What the hell are you...
Copy !req
878. What are you doing, man?
Get the hell out ofhere.
Copy !req
879. It's not a good time. The
Force is strong with me here.
Copy !req
880. - Actually, your hour's over.
- What do you mean, " over"?
Copy !req
881. - Hutch, they're hookers.
- We're not hookers. We're escorts.
Copy !req
882. - The difference being?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
883. Excuse me. Sorry. You telling me...
Copy !req
884. that I just spent the last hour
sweet talking a smoking, hot whore?
Copy !req
885. - You could always pay for another hour.
- How much?
Copy !req
886. - One thousand.
- Dollars?
Copy !req
887. - Mm-hmm. - Each!
I want a refund.
Copy !req
888. - Give me a refund.
- Is that possible?
Copy !req
889. You know what? We're male prostitutes
and you owe us a thousand dollarsl
Copy !req
890. - You can talk it over with Roach.
- Roach?
Copy !req
891. - Hi, Daddy.
- Greetings and salutations. It is payday.
Copy !req
892. - Ten-thousand shares
of Priceline? - Anything.
Copy !req
893. - Wow.
- Next time you see Harry Knowles, tell him we're square.
Copy !req
894. Friends of yours?
Copy !req
895. Cry havoc!
Copy !req
896. Zinfandel. That's a good vintage.
Copy !req
897. Uh, this has all been a
really big misunderstanding.
Copy !req
898. You see, my friend and I, we didn't
know that we were on the clock, per se.
Copy !req
899. You thought you were getting
that for free, did ya?
Copy !req
900. - Uh, Mr. Roach?
- Yeah?
Copy !req
901. Would you mind not eating
those peanuts 'cause...
Copy !req
902. Buddy, these are like
$10 a peanut, you know.
Copy !req
903. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
904. Well, why don't you take
it out of the $2,000...
Copy !req
905. that you and your skinny little
idiot friend owe me, how's that sound?
Copy !req
906. - Rebel Alliance, dude.
- What? Enunciate.
Copy !req
907. - Rebel Alliance.
- Rebel Alliance.
Copy !req
908. We recognize the tat.
We're Star Wars fans.
Copy !req
909. - You're Star Wars fans?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
910. Shit. Why didn't you say so, man?
Copy !req
911. You think that's cool,
check this shit out. Look.
Copy !req
912. Entire right side, Rebel Alliance.
Copy !req
913. "Do or do not. " That's funny.
Copy !req
914. Check this out. Episode I.
Copy !req
915. Fu-Schnickens.
Jar-Jar Binks.
Copy !req
916. That guy's gonna be
the shit. I tell you.
Copy !req
917. - Wow.
- Right? You like that?
Copy !req
918. - I had them do that pose. I thought it was funny.
- That is awesome.
Copy !req
919. - You guys are all right.
- So, we're all hunky-dory?
Copy !req
920. - We're all copacetic?
- Well, if the word " copacetic" means...
Copy !req
921. I'm gonna rip off your tongue and
lick your ass with it, then yeah...
Copy !req
922. - we're copacetic.
- Oh.
Copy !req
923. - Windows, now!
- It was lovely to meet you.
Copy !req
924. Thank you so much for listening.
Copy !req
925. - Go, go, go!
- Balloons? You thought that was gonna stop 'em?
Copy !req
926. - Grab the princess.
- Come on, Zoe!
Copy !req
927. - Get off me. I'm not speaking to you.
- Seriously. We gotta go now!
Copy !req
928. Why are we running? What did you do?
Copy !req
929. They're everywhere! They're everywhere!
Copy !req
930. You're going the wrong way!
Copy !req
931. Yeah!
Copy !req
932. That's him! He's the
one who destroyed Khan.
Copy !req
933. You called Han Solo a bitch, man!
Copy !req
934. Han Solo is a bitch.
Copy !req
935. No one calls...
Copy !req
936. Han Solo a bitch!
Copy !req
937. - Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go!
Copy !req
938. Why are we running?
Copy !req
939. - Go! Come on!
- What is going on?
Copy !req
940. You stop this van, you little sons
of bitches! I'm gonna kill you!
Copy !req
941. This is not copacetic. You stop!
Copy !req
942. Zoe, hit him with the pressed ham!
Copy !req
943. Yeah!
Copy !req
944. - Yeah!
- Nice.
Copy !req
945. Nailed it.
Copy !req
946. Linus? Jesusl
Copy !req
947. - Where'd he go?
- Did he fall out?
Copy !req
948. Chewie. I call Chewie.
Copy !req
949. Dr. Richardson to Trauma
2. Dr. Richardson, Trauma 2.
Copy !req
950. Your friend's awake.
Copy !req
951. - Uh, cool. Can we see him?
- Yes.
Copy !req
952. But first we need to have a little talk.
Copy !req
953. Linus tells me that you're
on some sort of a road trip.
Copy !req
954. - Uh, yeah, up to San Francisco.
- Well, not anymore, fellas.
Copy !req
955. The only place he's
going is back to Ohio.
Copy !req
956. - We can't do that.
- Just what's so important in San Francisco?
Copy !req
957. - Uh, he...
- Star Wars.
Copy !req
958. Star Wars?
Copy !req
959. Look, he is very, very sick
and he needs to go home.
Copy !req
960. No.
Copy !req
961. Guys, we can't... we can't do
this now. We can't give up now.
Copy !req
962. Not when we're so close.
Copy !req
963. Linus, it's just a movie.
Copy !req
964. Yeah, maybe it is. Maybe
it is. You know what?
Copy !req
965. To most people, Star Wars
is just a movie, right?
Copy !req
966. - Not to us!
- We just spoke to the doctor.
Copy !req
967. Screw that doctor! Screw...
Screw all those people!
Copy !req
968. Did-Did they ever get their... their heads
stuck in a bucket trying to be Darth Vader?
Copy !req
969. - I mean, I don't think so. No.
- Nope.
Copy !req
970. Did they ever singe their eyebrows
trying to make a lightsaber?
Copy !req
971. No way. Did they name
their right hand Leia?
Copy !req
972. Who knows? Yes, they could have.
Copy !req
973. - But you know who did?
- Me.
Copy !req
974. Yes, you did. So did I. So did you.
Copy !req
975. - We all did.
- You guys are freaking sick. You know that?
Copy !req
976. This is our Death Star, man.
Copy !req
977. And I don't know about you, guys, but
I'm not running away from this one.
Copy !req
978. - Me neither.
- Screw it. I named both my hands Leia.
Copy !req
979. What the hell are you doing?
Do you know who this is?
Copy !req
980. It's that way.
Copy !req
981. Jailbreakl Jailbreakl
Copy !req
982. What's going on?
Copy !req
983. - Hold it right there!
- No, uh, please...
Copy !req
984. You're our only hope.
Copy !req
985. Take two of these every three hours.
Copy !req
986. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
987. - I love you.
- I know.
Copy !req
988. Yeah!
Copy !req
989. Mmm.
Copy !req
990. Nothing worse than a locked shitter
when you got to turd, am I right?
Copy !req
991. Seriously, man.
Copy !req
992. That is it, man! I don't
wanna do this anymore!
Copy !req
993. Why not? What'd I tell you,
sweet and womanly, right?
Copy !req
994. Womanly?
Copy !req
995. - Make sure you go tell your friends.
- I'll be back.
Copy !req
996. Bam, bam, bam! Hyah! Wanna try that?
Copy !req
997. Start the car! Start the van!
Copy !req
998. Hi!
Copy !req
999. - Let's do it! Let's do it!
- Oh, my Godl
Copy !req
1000. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1001. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1002. Shut up, manl It was a hundred
miles agol Stop living in the pastl
Copy !req
1003. Oh, my Godl
Copy !req
1004. Lucas Valley Road. We
gotta steal that sign, guys.
Copy !req
1005. Zoe, how we looking out there?
Copy !req
1006. One guard manning the booth.
Couple civvies roaming about.
Copy !req
1007. - Nothing we can't handle.
- All right, fellas, " X" marks our target.
Copy !req
1008. Level " C" editing bays. It's our
best chance for finding the rough cut.
Copy !req
1009. Excellent. Okay. Once we've
breached the front gate...
Copy !req
1010. we're gonna be off on foot, so we're gonna
have to take a shortcut at this wall here.
Copy !req
1011. And you know what that means.
Copy !req
1012. Are you shitting... Grappling hook?
Copy !req
1013. I can do this.
Copy !req
1014. - Get up.
- Windows, how's it look up there?
Copy !req
1015. Windows, make sure there are no cameras.
Copy !req
1016. Can you see anything?
Copy !req
1017. All right, one, two...
Copy !req
1018. - Oh, Jesus!
- Windows, Jesusl
Copy !req
1019. Owl
Copy !req
1020. - Okay.
- Wait. There he is. Good man. Good man.
Copy !req
1021. Let's go. Follow my
lead. Follow my lead.
Copy !req
1022. Get down. Stay low. The ninja roll.
Copy !req
1023. Guys, get down!
Copy !req
1024. - Jackass.
- Guys, wait for me.
Copy !req
1025. I hate running.
Copy !req
1026. This is like the most exercise
you guys have gotten all year.
Copy !req
1027. This is the one Shatner
said would be open.
Copy !req
1028. A breach in Skywalker security.
Copy !req
1029. Wow. Okay, we're in.
Copy !req
1030. I feel like we're in
a Scooby-Doo episode.
Copy !req
1031. Go, go, go, go.
Copy !req
1032. - Hutch?
- Yeah?
Copy !req
1033. Your ass still smells
like ham and cheese.
Copy !req
1034. Sweet. That way.
Copy !req
1035. Wow.
Copy !req
1036. Shatner, don't fail us now, right?
Copy !req
1037. Whoa.
Copy !req
1038. Yeah!
Copy !req
1039. - Oh, my God.
- No way.
Copy !req
1040. We're home, boys.
Copy !req
1041. See, that's what I call a collection.
Copy !req
1042. This is where I want my ashes scattered.
Copy !req
1043. Oh!
Copy !req
1044. - " Help me, Obi
- Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. "
Copy !req
1045. They've got Indy stuff.
Copy !req
1046. Thermal detonator.
Copy !req
1047. I think I'm gonna cry.
Copy !req
1048. Hey. They got Willow's spell book!
Copy !req
1049. You know, Willow? Little guy?
Copy !req
1050. Magical... "Kaiya. "
Copy !req
1051. Who cares about Willow?
Copy !req
1052. Look at this.
Copy !req
1053. "Throw me the idol. "
Copy !req
1054. Guys, look at this.
"We've got bad dates. "
Copy !req
1055. One kaddam for the Hebrew god.
Copy !req
1056. We have a breach in the archive
room. Breach in the archive room.
Copy !req
1057. You know, no matter how
you felt about the guy...
Copy !req
1058. Vader embraced his fate.
Copy !req
1059. He faced death head-on.
Copy !req
1060. No one moves.
Copy !req
1061. Subjects have been
located. Requesting backup.
Copy !req
1062. Please step away from Lord Vader.
Copy !req
1063. Dude, what's up with the outfits?
Copy !req
1064. Company policy.
Copy !req
1065. You wanna work here,
you gotta wear the suit.
Copy !req
1066. Carl, you make us wear the suit.
Copy !req
1067. - Run? -
Run. - Run.
Copy !req
1068. - Zoe!
- Just go!
Copy !req
1069. - I'm not leaving without her.
- What, are you crazy? It's three against onel
Copy !req
1070. Never tell me the odds.
Copy !req
1071. There can be only one.
Copy !req
1072. Time for you to get mauled, boy.
Copy !req
1073. I'm good.
Copy !req
1074. - Go!
- Let's go!
Copy !req
1075. Man downl Man downl
Copy !req
1076. Stop! Don't move!
Copy !req
1077. Run!
Copy !req
1078. Subjects are fleeing
to the west corridor!
Copy !req
1079. - Go, go, go!
- Stop!
Copy !req
1080. Go, go!
Copy !req
1081. Come on!
Copy !req
1082. Hmm. Yoda says going up you are.
Copy !req
1083. - In!
- Get in! Get your ass in there!
Copy !req
1084. - Hurry!
- Let's go!
Copy !req
1085. Move it! Over there!
Copy !req
1086. Over there! Let's go!
Copy !req
1087. That was awesome!
Copy !req
1088. Where the hell are we?
Copy !req
1089. I have a bad feeling about this.
Copy !req
1090. Um, you guys don't think that the, um...
Copy !req
1091. We are in George Lucas's trash room.
Copy !req
1092. Don't be ridiculous, okay? The
walls are not gonna close in on us.
Copy !req
1093. - Holy...
- Jesusl
Copy !req
1094. - Let's fortify the walls with this.
- Do it!
Copy !req
1095. - Um, girls?
- Goddamn you, walls!
Copy !req
1096. Girls!
Copy !req
1097. That'd be the air duct.
Copy !req
1098. - And that there's the exit.
- Yeah, the exit.
Copy !req
1099. - And you guys are the big pussies.
- I knew.
Copy !req
1100. " 3PO! We're all right!"
Copy !req
1101. Guys, this way!
Copy !req
1102. - Yikes!
- Check in here.
Copy !req
1103. This one's clear.
Copy !req
1104. Damn it, shut up!
Copy !req
1105. I think we lost 'em, right?
Copy !req
1106. Yeah, we lost them for now, but we
cannot run around this place all night.
Copy !req
1107. Guys!
Copy !req
1108. We're in the motherboard. We're in.
Copy !req
1109. - George Lucas's office.
- George Lucas's office!
Copy !req
1110. Holy shit. Oh, wow. We're... We're...
Copy !req
1111. - Oh, my God.
- We're in the motherboard.
Copy !req
1112. You guys need to see this. You
guys need to see this. Look.
Copy !req
1113. Holy Hothl
Copy !req
1114. - I think this is it. I think this is it.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1115. Play it. Play it.
Copy !req
1116. Hey, get over here. Come on.
Copy !req
1117. The crawl!
Copy !req
1118. The crawll
Copy !req
1119. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1120. Come on! Come on!
Copy !req
1121. - Here you are.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1122. That hooker in Vegas gave me something.
Copy !req
1123. What?
Copy !req
1124. The truth.
Copy !req
1125. I'm in love with you and, uh...
Copy !req
1126. I love you too.
Copy !req
1127. Stand back.
Copy !req
1128. - Okay, on your feet!
- Us?
Copy !req
1129. - Yeah! Come on up! On your feet!
- Get on outta here! Come on!
Copy !req
1130. Nowl Get on your feetl
Copy !req
1131. Yeah, get on your feet! Who
the hell are these people?
Copy !req
1132. - And line up against the wall, all of youl
- Back against the wall!
Copy !req
1133. Get up! What are you talkin' about? Hey!
Copy !req
1134. Step away from the Millennium
Falcon and line up against the wall.
Copy !req
1135. - Now!
- Oh.
Copy !req
1136. - Oh, God.
- Linus, what are you doing, man?
Copy !req
1137. I'm feeling crazy right now.
Copy !req
1138. - Dude, do you have any idea how valuable that thing is?
- Not a good idea.
Copy !req
1139. Put it down. Come on. Put it down nowl
Copy !req
1140. You guys stand up against the wall, or I
will smash this thing into a billion pieces!
Copy !req
1141. I will. I will smash thisl
Copy !req
1142. - No.
- What, you think I won't?
Copy !req
1143. - No, I don't.
- No, you don't, you think that I won't...
Copy !req
1144. or, no, you don't,
you think that I will?
Copy !req
1145. - The first one.
- I'm confused. Who's doing what now?
Copy !req
1146. - You tell me.
- It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
1147. Because if he puts down the Millennium
Falcon, I will smash this training remote...
Copy !req
1148. erasing it from history.
Copy !req
1149. - Come on, guys. Let's rethink this.
- Shut up, Windows!
Copy !req
1150. - Who's doing what?
- Put down the Millennium Falcon and the training remote...
Copy !req
1151. or I will destroy this puppet.
Copy !req
1152. - Craig! You can't!
- Shut up, Barry.
Copy !req
1153. - Put down Master Yoda!
- You put yours down, damn it!
Copy !req
1154. I can't do it!
Copy !req
1155. - All right, everybody shut up!
- Oh!
Copy !req
1156. Swear to God, this little ewok
is going up in flames! I'll do it.
Copy !req
1157. - Do it. Go ahead. Burn it.
- I will.
Copy !req
1158. - Yeah, burn it.
- Guys, nobody wants this.
Copy !req
1159. - I will.
- Burn it. Burn it.
Copy !req
1160. - I'm gonna. That's what I said!
- Burn it!
Copy !req
1161. Good. I was always more
of a Star Trek fan anyway.
Copy !req
1162. Damn Trekkies are everywhere!
Copy !req
1163. All right, we'll take it from
here. Sir, give me the Falcon.
Copy !req
1164. - I can't believe I let you guys get me into this.
- Shut up!
Copy !req
1165. How you guys doing? You guys doing good?
Copy !req
1166. So let me get this right.
Copy !req
1167. You guys wanted to see
our movie early for free.
Copy !req
1168. So you broke into private property, huh?
Copy !req
1169. - And you tried to
steal it. - L-I...
Copy !req
1170. I haven't even seen the movie yet!
Copy !req
1171. Sir, I understand that this looks bad...
Copy !req
1172. It looks like three-to-five-years,
locked-up, for-breaking-and-entering bad.
Copy !req
1173. That's right, sweet cheeks. By the
time y'all walk away from this...
Copy !req
1174. your faces are gonna be
shrunken and shriveled...
Copy !req
1175. just like your one nut.
Copy !req
1176. What? How can he possibly know that?
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1177. Oh, we know about your uniball.
Copy !req
1178. We know everything, Mr. Harold
Hutchinson, a. K. a. Hutch.
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1179. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan.
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1180. Dude, you're freaking me
out. How do you know this?
Copy !req
1181. Because you have a
Rush shirt on, dipshit.
Copy !req
1182. And because we have a dossier
on every single one of you.
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1183. No one move!
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1184. Get your hands off the glass table.
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1185. Hello, Mr. Lucas.
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1186. Shut up! Shut your mouths.
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1187. - Yes.
- I can hear his beard.
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1188. Yes. Shut up. Mm-hmm.
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1189. I don't wanna say that it was a hole in my
security, but... How did you guys break in?
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1190. - I used a grappling hook...
- And we climbed...
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1191. - Was William Shatner involved with this?
- No. Not at all.
Copy !req
1192. They said no. No. No
one was hurt. Not yet.
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1193. Mm-hmm.
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1194. Okay. Very well.
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1195. Damn it. I've just been told that what
I said earlier I no longer believe.
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1196. Hmm?
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1197. Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly
flattered by what you have done here.
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1198. And I have been informed
that I feel the same way.
Copy !req
1199. So the charges are gonna be dropped.
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1200. That is, of course, if you are...
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1201. what you appear to be.
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1202. Uh, what do we appear to be?
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1203. Fanboys. Something we can easily
determine with a simple quiz.
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1204. What is the name of the planet
that Leia gave Grand MoffTarkin...
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1205. as the false location of
the rebel base in Episode IV?
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1206. - Dantooine.
- What is the name of the gunner in Luke's snow speeder?
Copy !req
1207. - Dak. - Where is a
woman's g-spot located?
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1208. - What?
- If you were to ask a woman to perform a Mississippi handbag...
Copy !req
1209. where would your testicles end up?
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1210. That's not a Star Wars question.
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1211. I didn't say the nipples. I said
the little bumps around the nipples.
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1212. Yar... Arr...
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1213. That is not a Louisiana pile driver.
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1214. But you wouldn't know about
that, would you? Hmph. Virgin.
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1215. Virgin.
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1216. Areola borealis?
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1217. Near the-the, um, bumps?
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1218. That's what you do. You aim
for the eye, grab the lip...
Copy !req
1219. lead her around the
room... blinding the marlin.
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1220. God, you're sexy and
well-versed. I like it.
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1221. Okay. Guards!
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1222. - Okay, that's it.
- That's what happens. Okay, I got it. All right.
Copy !req
1223. - I'm good.
- Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1224. Congratulations. Mr. Lucas has
decided to drop the charges.
Copy !req
1225. So, what? We're free to go, right?
Copy !req
1226. Well, not exactly. He says
you can watch the film.
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1227. What? We can watch the movie?
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1228. Hold it. Hold it. Only you.
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1229. It's good, man. It's right.
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1230. Chewie.
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1231. - That's not bad.
- Thanks, man.
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1232. There's something I
need to... I should...
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1233. probably tell you before, uh...
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1234. Before I'm gone.
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1235. You could say it. I
won't hold it against you.
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1236. I just... I wish I could...
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1237. change these last three years, you know.
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1238. You know, I wouldn't want you to.
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1239. You gotta keep the flaws.
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1240. Crappy effects.
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1241. Real puppets.
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1242. That's what makes it so good, you know?
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1243. Yeah.
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1244. This was never about the movie.
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1245. You know, this was, uh...
this was about all of us.
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1246. Hey.
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1247. Look at us. We're together
again, freezing our nuts off.
Copy !req
1248. No teaming upl That's a rulel
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1249. You're such dicks!
Copy !req
1250. - Both of you are dicks!
- I'm gonna go save him.
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1251. - Please.
- You coming?
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1252. No, I'm good right here.
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1253. All right, man.
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1254. I'm good right here.
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1255. Guys, it's time.
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1256. That better be your lucky R2 poking me.
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1257. Nope. My penis.
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1258. You guys are gross.
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1259. Any, uh... Any sign of Hutch?
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1260. - Talk to me.
- It's me. Where the hell are you?
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1261. I'm just finishing up
at the garage here, man.
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1262. - Shake a leg, ya bastard. We're saving your place.
- All right.
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1263. Okay!
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1264. Yes! That's awesome. That's awesome.
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1265. - Hey!
- Hey! Oh, my God!
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1266. Right at the buzzer.
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1267. Yeah!
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1268. Excuse me. Are you Eric Bottler?
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1269. Yeah.
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1270. - We just got your new comic.
- Whoa.
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1271. - Thanks, guys. I appreciate that.
- I don't.
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1272. I think it's quite shoddy.
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1273. - Worst series ever.
- Total Lucas rip-off!
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1274. - The artwork is neophyte.
- At best.
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1275. - What's up, my nerds?
- Ah.
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1276. Why don't you ask the man for an
autograph? Ask the man for an autograph!
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1277. Do it!
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1278. " You are a douche bag.
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1279. Love, Eric Bottler. " Here you go.
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1280. All right, let's move it,
Boba Fags. End of the line.
Copy !req
1281. - Move it! Let's go!
- Chaz, what the hell are you doing here, man?
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1282. Ah, come on, bro. It's the Wars.
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1283. I love that about you.
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1284. Look at you, C-3Penis Face.
How'd you pull that trim?
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1285. - Doctor.
- Oh!
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1286. - Smart man.
- Thank you, sir.
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1287. They're good. There you go.
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1288. - Hey, you guys. To Linus.
- Yeah, to Linus.
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1289. - Hey, you guys.
- What, man?
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1290. What if the movie sucks?
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