1. Halloween just got awesome, bitches!Copy !req
2. Prepare for the entrance of Lord Vader.Copy !req
3. Give yourself to the Dark Side.Copy !req
4. It's the only way you can save...Copy !req
5. You wore the same thing last year.Copy !req
6. - You son of a bitch.
- I'm sorry, guys. My codpiece is killing me.Copy !req
7. It's totally restricting my junk.Copy !req
8. You're gonna spill it or fill it, dude?Copy !req
9. Zoe.Copy !req
10. - Hi.
- Oh, my God. It's been a long time.Copy !req
11. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
12. You are... something with tampons.Copy !req
13. I'm Picasso's Blue Period.Copy !req
14. - Get it? Blue Period.
- Hmm.Copy !req
15. And you are? Corporate sleaze?Copy !req
16. Car salesman.Copy !req
17. I came straight from work, so this is...Copy !req
18. - Weak as usual, Bottler.
- Thank you.Copy !req
19. Are you here for a
reunion with the boys?Copy !req
20. Nope. That's just a pleasant surprise.Copy !req
21. Watch the cape, uh, uh...Copy !req
22. Well, enter at your own risk.Copy !req
23. Oh, my God.Copy !req
24. You guys have both got to
stop perpetuating this myth...Copy !req
25. that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass.Copy !req
26. All right? He has a jet
pack. So did the Rocketeer.Copy !req
27. - Really cool.
- Here we go.Copy !req
28. When it comes time for battle, the man's
Michael Bay... all style, no substance.Copy !req
29. If you diss the Fett again...Copy !req
30. I will corn-hole you with a lightsaberlCopy !req
31. Jesus. Is that Bottler?Copy !req
32. Hey, guys.Copy !req
33. You got a lot of nerve
showing your face around here.Copy !req
34. Give Daddy a huggy.Copy !req
35. - Yeah!
- Stop.Copy !req
36. You little bastard, I missed you.Copy !req
37. I hope that's just
your blaster poking me.Copy !req
38. - God, it's been parsecs.
- Yeah, it's good to see you too, man.Copy !req
39. - Linus.
- Hmm.Copy !req
40. - It's been, like, a year now, right?
- Three.Copy !req
41. - You still drawing?
- No. I bailed on that shit after high school.Copy !req
42. - How's life in the auto trade?
- Still second in command to the old man.Copy !req
43. Um, you?Copy !req
44. Comic book store's still afloat...Copy !req
45. but the geeks aren't
biting like the old days.Copy !req
46. - You?
- Get my money together so I can start my detailing business.Copy !req
47. I'm gonna call it the Hutch Touch.Copy !req
48. That's funny. I could've sworn you were
delivering pizza and living in your mom's garage.Copy !req
49. It's not a garage.Copy !req
50. It's a carriage house.Copy !req
51. Carriage house.Copy !req
52. How is your carriage?Copy !req
53. Ah! Ah! Ah!Copy !req
54. Hey, uh, have any of you
guys seen the phone jack?Copy !req
55. Uh, no, but I have seen
the social retard...Copy !req
56. who brought his Toughbook to a party.Copy !req
57. - I promised Rogue Leader I'd write her back tonight.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
58. - She is my girlfriend.
- On-line girlfriend.Copy !req
59. I met her in a Jedi chat
room. The woman is perfect.Copy !req
60. She's intelligent and acerbic
and, uh... and a die-hard fan.Copy !req
61. She's even got connections
inside the Lucas camp.Copy !req
62. Who's also got a man
package and a goatee.Copy !req
63. You guys are all just jealous
because she describes herself...Copy !req
64. as a cross between
Sarah Michelle Gellar...Copy !req
65. and Janeane Garofalo.Copy !req
66. Tell 'em how you described yourself.Copy !req
67. I was perfectly honest with her.Copy !req
68. You said you looked like
a white Billy Dee Williams.Copy !req
69. You called yourself white chocolate.Copy !req
70. I am white chocolate.Copy !req
71. Oh, oh! Windows, it's my turn.Copy !req
72. - Give it to me.
- Midnight. Another day down.Copy !req
73. Ah! Okay.Copy !req
74. Official Episode I countdown...Copy !req
75. is six months, 12 days,
eight hours and some change.Copy !req
76. I would sell my soul to see
that movie right here right now.Copy !req
77. Dude, I would sell my left nut.
And I only have the one nut.Copy !req
78. - So you see how serious I am?
- I cannot listen to this shit for another six months.Copy !req
79. Oh, shush your mouth, woman.
You know, we could see the movie.Copy !req
80. - Oh, please, not this again.
- Oh, yes, please, this again.Copy !req
81. " Tell us about the
rabbits, George. George. "Copy !req
82. Imagine.Copy !req
83. Okay?Copy !req
84. We drive across the
country in one night.Copy !req
85. We break into the Skywalker Ranch...Copy !req
86. and steal ourselves a print.Copy !req
87. YeahlCopy !req
88. You guys have been talking about
this since the fifth grade, okay?Copy !req
89. - It's not gonna happen.
- Why the hell not?Copy !req
90. Well, first of all,
it's 2,000 miles away.Copy !req
91. Second of all, even if you could
get there, you'd be arrested.Copy !req
92. It's been a blast, Bottler.Copy !req
93. Way to douche up the party.Copy !req
94. Nothing is impossible.Copy !req
95. And I'll guarantee I'll find you a new
or used car, or my name isn't Big Chuck.Copy !req
96. - Right, girls?
- Ooh-hoo!Copy !req
97. HoolCopy !req
98. YeahlCopy !req
99. All right!Copy !req
100. Attaboy, Eric. Now, see,
that's some slick advertising.Copy !req
101. Thanks, Pop.Copy !req
102. Reminds me of, what, that
Terry Bruckheimer movies.Copy !req
103. Yeah. Top Gun.Copy !req
104. - Thanks.
- Hiya, Eric.Copy !req
105. I'll handle this, Myron. Thanks.Copy !req
106. - Hey.
- We're in the market for some used droids.Copy !req
107. I should start you guys off
with a new set of wheels first...Copy !req
108. unless you're cool riding around
in the same rusted old shit box...Copy !req
109. you've had since the 10th grade.Copy !req
110. Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
111. She may not look like much, but
she's got it where it counts.Copy !req
112. Uh, why are you guys here?Copy !req
113. Do you wanna look around the lot a
little bit, drive something? What?Copy !req
114. No. Uh, we came to talk about Linus.Copy !req
115. Well, he just needs to
realize that people lose touch.Copy !req
116. - That's just kind of the way things work.
- He's dying, Eric.Copy !req
117. - What?
- He's got cancer, man.Copy !req
118. He's tried everything to get
better, but nothing seems to work.Copy !req
119. Odds say three, four months maybe.Copy !req
120. And you guys are telling me this now?Copy !req
121. We wanted to tell you
months ago, honestly...Copy !req
122. but Linus made us promise
not to say anything.Copy !req
123. The way we see it, you guys have been
best friends since, like, first grade.Copy !req
124. So we figured you got the right to know.
You got the right to make your peace.Copy !req
125. How am I supposed to make my peace when
the guy doesn't even want me to know?Copy !req
126. With all due respect,
Eric, this isn't about you.Copy !req
127. - L... You know what?
- Holy shit.Copy !req
128. - Jesus Christ. - If it ain't
C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.Copy !req
129. What did you just
say, you giant bastard?Copy !req
130. - Well, well put.
- Thank you.Copy !req
131. - Still see you're driving the
nerd-mobile. - Chaz, you're an idiot.Copy !req
132. Hey, you know what? While you're out
here sticking G.I. Joes up your butt...Copy !req
133. I convinced Dad to let
me recut the commercial.Copy !req
134. So suck it. Huh?Copy !req
135. Aw, see, you flinched. That's
gonna be two, Princess Leia.Copy !req
136. Nanu-nanu.Copy !req
137. Get a haircut.Copy !req
138. - We should have killed him when we had the chance.
- Yeah.Copy !req
139. Jackass. Linus is coming over to
the carriage house later. So are you.Copy !req
140. Bye, Eric.Copy !req
141. No lightningl No lightninglCopy !req
142. - Aw, shit. I'm a midget.
- I'm gonna flatten your ass right now.Copy !req
143. Ah! Suck it, Count Fagula.Copy !req
144. Wow!Copy !req
145. There's no teaming up. That's a rule!Copy !req
146. Owl Head cramplCopy !req
147. Don't kill me.Copy !req
148. - Hey.
- Donkey balls.Copy !req
149. You made it, man.Copy !req
150. Your mom said clean up this shit-hole
or no grilled cheese for a week?Copy !req
151. That's emotional
blackmail, and you know it!Copy !req
152. - Screw youl
- I will sue you! Renter's rights!Copy !req
153. - You don't pay rentl
- Damn. Damn!Copy !req
154. - What the hell is he doing here, man?
- It was Hutch's idea.Copy !req
155. Grab a controller.Copy !req
156. We're ganging up on
Windows in Mario Kart.Copy !req
157. I can't. I came to
talk to Linus actually.Copy !req
158. Can I talk to you alone, man?Copy !req
159. Linus. Hey, stop walking.
Linus! Hold up, man.Copy !req
160. - Stop. What the hell, man? I did nothing to you.
- Exactly. You did nothing.Copy !req
161. Absolutely nothing.Copy !req
162. Eric Bottler graduates high
school and never looks back.Copy !req
163. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!Copy !req
164. What plan? To be the
next big thing in comics?Copy !req
165. Come on, man. That
was never gonna happen.Copy !req
166. I did what I had to do, dude. I
grew up. I'm the only one who did.Copy !req
167. - Look at you guys.
- You can fool everybody...Copy !req
168. with this cheap suit,
salesman-of-the-year pitch.Copy !req
169. But I know you better than anybody...Copy !req
170. and deep down, you are one
miserable son of a bitch.Copy !req
171. - Miserable, huh?
- Yeah. Miserable.Copy !req
172. Miserable is wasting your life in
Hutch's garage playing video games...Copy !req
173. arguing whether or not Luke
really had a thing for Leia.Copy !req
174. You know as well as anybody...Copy !req
175. that as soon as Luke knew Leia
was his sister, it was hands off.Copy !req
176. They still kiss.Copy !req
177. That was Leia kissing
Luke to make Han jealous.Copy !req
178. That was the second
time. The first time...Copy !req
179. The first time they're about to die!Copy !req
180. - They were not, you liar.
- They were swinging 30,000 feet in the air.Copy !req
181. You know when you're a sibling,
okay? There's something innate.Copy !req
182. - There's no telepathy between Luke and Leia till Episode VI.
- It spans the ocean.Copy !req
183. It was romance in a sci-fi opera!Copy !req
184. Who cares about this shit, man? Huh?Copy !req
185. - Who cares about...
- I do. I care.Copy !req
186. You need a new car.Copy !req
187. They were siblings. They were
siblings, you sick bastard!Copy !req
188. You are trapped now.Copy !req
189. You've made your last mistake.Copy !req
190. We need to talk.Copy !req
191. Sure, Pop. What's up?Copy !req
192. Okay. Here's the deal.Copy !req
193. It's time for the world to see
the new face of this company.Copy !req
194. And his name's Big Eric.Copy !req
195. Big Eric who?Copy !req
196. Big Eric you.Copy !req
197. It's all yours, kiddo.
The entire shebang.Copy !req
198. All 15 locations, from here to Seattle.Copy !req
199. I mean... Uh, yes.Copy !req
200. Yeah. I mean, wow.Copy !req
201. - Take the hat.
- I can't take your hat.Copy !req
202. Go ahead.Copy !req
203. No, really. It looks good on you.Copy !req
204. - Take the hat.
- But it's really...Copy !req
205. - Take the damn hat.
- Yeah. I'll wear it for...Copy !req
206. My God. Your mom would be so
proud to see you in that hat.Copy !req
207. I know, Pop.Copy !req
208. Hey. You and me? Tanning Tuesdays?Copy !req
209. You want to take your shirt off.Copy !req
210. You want to take your shirt off. God.Copy !req
211. - You wanna take that shirt off?
- Asshole.Copy !req
212. You have been trying thatJedi mind
shit on me since the eighth grade.Copy !req
213. - It doesn't work.
- Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.Copy !req
214. He's been geeking out with
Rogue Leader all morning.Copy !req
215. Nothing can tear him away.Copy !req
216. - Ah!
- Rogue Leader, you are wicked.Copy !req
217. Ah, I love the feeling of
fresh air on my naked breasts.Copy !req
218. Oh, ho-ho!Copy !req
219. See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.Copy !req
220. What about me? I like sweater yams!Copy !req
221. Hey.Copy !req
222. What'll it be, fellas?Copy !req
223. - How much for the phaser gun?
- For the phaser gun?Copy !req
224. Sorry, Garfunkel. We
don't hock Trek here.Copy !req
225. Well, then, Slim, if you
don't sell the Trek...Copy !req
226. then why do you have a
phaser gun in the case?Copy !req
227. We keep this one here to suss out
Trekkie bitches like yourself...Copy !req
228. and tell them to get
the hell off of our land.Copy !req
229. So get the hell off of our land.Copy !req
230. Get the hell off of our land!
Get the hell out of here! Now!Copy !req
231. Get out ofhere, you
Kirk-lovin'Spock-suckerslCopy !req
232. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
233. You guys know where a guy can pawn
off a first edition Eric Bottler comic?Copy !req
234. - Hey!
- Holy cannolis.Copy !req
235. Look at that. Yeah. That's awesome.Copy !req
236. Dude, you had sick skills back then.
You should've stuck with it, brother.Copy !req
237. Yeah. I would've been broke and
living in my parents' garage.Copy !req
238. - It's a carriage house.
- Right. I know it is.Copy !req
239. I have something else that
you guys might wanna check out.Copy !req
240. Well, what have we got here?Copy !req
241. Ohio to Califor... Is
this what I think it is?Copy !req
242. Linus laid the whole
thing out in fifth grade.Copy !req
243. I figure it's time for
another epic journey, isn't it?Copy !req
244. What's your game plan?Copy !req
245. We storm the ranch, or we die trying.Copy !req
246. Yeah.Copy !req
247. Well, you guys were all
about this at the party.Copy !req
248. - We were six Zimas to the wind at the party.
- Drunk.Copy !req
249. Come on. You even said the Rogue Leader
has connections inside the ranch, right?Copy !req
250. Rogue Leader? Please, man.
Windows never even met him.Copy !req
251. - Her!
- Him.Copy !req
252. - Maybe it's time that he does.
- Dude, this is a suicide mission, man.Copy !req
253. Why would we even try
anything like this?Copy !req
254. For Linus.Copy !req
255. Huh?Copy !req
256. No.Copy !req
257. - No?
- No. I'm not going.Copy !req
258. Aw, Linus, you've got to go.Copy !req
259. This is a conquest for the ages.Copy !req
260. Our names shall become legend...Copy !req
261. spoken in hushed tones by
nerds across the galaxy.Copy !req
262. And we'll get laid.Copy !req
263. - Okay, please stop that.
- Sorry. I was getting into that.Copy !req
264. I just don't wanna go
with Opie over there.Copy !req
265. Check this out, man.Copy !req
266. Floor plans to the Lucas Ranch.Copy !req
267. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Are you
kidding? How did you get these?Copy !req
268. My life partner, Rogue Leader,
she can break us in, man.Copy !req
269. The question you got
to ask yourself is...Copy !req
270. " Do you have the nut sack
to go through with it?"Copy !req
271. If I do this, it
doesn't change anything.Copy !req
272. I'll grab my suitcase
and some Big League Chew.Copy !req
273. - Yes!
- ThunderCats! Ho!Copy !req
274. - Told you. I knew he'd go.
- Stop humping.Copy !req
275. Please stop humping. Just high five.Copy !req
276. - Oh, God. I'm Jabba the Hump.
- Oh, goddamn it.Copy !req
277. - Chewie!
- Chewie! Damn it!Copy !req
278. Wait a second. Whoa.
What the hell's Chewie?Copy !req
279. It's the same rules as shotgun.
Either way, I always lose.Copy !req
280. - Furball, you do the honors?
- Yeah.Copy !req
281. Strap in, fellas.Copy !req
282. WhoolCopy !req
283. What the hell, Hutch? It's all Rush.Copy !req
284. - Ever want a little variety?
- Rush is variety, bitch.Copy !req
285. OhlCopy !req
286. Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush.Copy !req
287. All Rush, all the time.Copy !req
288. No exceptions.Copy !req
289. Rule number two:Copy !req
290. Nobody touch the red button.Copy !req
291. And I mean never touch the red button.Copy !req
292. Most importantly,Copy !req
293. there's no jerking it in my van.Copy !req
294. What?Copy !req
295. Fine.Copy !req
296. Don't roll your eyes
at me, Admiral Jackbar.Copy !req
297. " Established in 1985...Copy !req
298. " the Skywalker Ranch
is the headquarters...Copy !req
299. of George Lucas's filmmaking empire. "Copy !req
300. So according to Rogue Leader's map...Copy !req
301. our best odds for finding the
film is in here... the main house.Copy !req
302. Oh, my God. That place is legendary.Copy !req
303. And we meet Rogue Leader at a coffee
shop in Texas Wednesday, 3:00 p. M. Sharp.Copy !req
304. - Mm-hmm. - She's gonna give us
absolutely everything we need...Copy !req
305. - to get into the compound.
- Nice.Copy !req
306. White chocolate finally
gets to meet his dream girl.Copy !req
307. - Ohl
- Oohl OohlCopy !req
308. Well, according to this, 80
West is our fastest route.Copy !req
309. So we got 26 hours to
make it to Texas, boys.Copy !req
310. Consider it done.Copy !req
311. Ah!Copy !req
312. Wakey, wakey. Hands off steakey.Copy !req
313. - It's time for Hutch's pit stop.
- Where are we?Copy !req
314. Some say heaven. I like to call it Iowa.Copy !req
315. Iowa? What about Rogue Leader?Copy !req
316. - Iowa?
- Yeah. I made a little detour.Copy !req
317. Hutch, we're supposed
to be going to Texas.Copy !req
318. Welcome to Riverside, gentlemen...Copy !req
319. future birthplace of one
Captain James T. Kirk.Copy !req
320. Enemy territory! Nice.Copy !req
321. Man, you drove all night for this?Copy !req
322. Dude, I'd drive all year for the
chance to pimp slap some Trekkies.Copy !req
323. You know what? Leave me out of it.Copy !req
324. Let's crack some Trekkie skulls!Copy !req
325. Let's do itlCopy !req
326. And it is believed that
on this very spot...Copy !req
327. Captain James Tiberius
Kirk will be born.Copy !req
328. Hence, the statue immortalizing him...Copy !req
329. grappling with his
most accursed nemesis.Copy !req
330. Ricardo Montalbán?Copy !req
331. Genetically engineered tyrant Khan.Copy !req
332. - It doesn't look like either of them.
- Thank you for pointing that out.Copy !req
333. That is because the whores at Viacom
International threatened to sue us...Copy !req
334. if we used their
likenesses, so we make do.Copy !req
335. Yes. The gentleman in the beige.Copy !req
336. I was wondering what did Sulu
find in Captain Kirk's lavatory.Copy !req
337. Sulu clearly found a standard issue
Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device.Copy !req
338. I believe it was the Captain's log.Copy !req
339. Very good.Copy !req
340. A laugh a day keeps the doctor
away, everyone. We've been saved.Copy !req
341. - Ooh.
- Any other comic relief?Copy !req
342. - Ah!
- There's still homeless out there.Copy !req
343. - Hey!
- Yes! What? You! What? Yes.Copy !req
344. What is the Klingon translation
for, "You're gonna die a virgin"?Copy !req
345. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hilarious, everyone.Copy !req
346. Looks like we got more Lucas
hounds here to mock Roddenberry.Copy !req
347. Congratulations, gentlemen,
but I would like to see...Copy !req
348. your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone.Copy !req
349. And we'll see who's
laughing then. Am I right?Copy !req
350. Darth Vader can put the entire Borg
collective in a vice grip with his mind.Copy !req
351. Uh, Darth Vader has asthma...Copy !req
352. so name me one Star Trek character
with a respiratory disease...Copy !req
353. 'cause I'm drawing a blank.Copy !req
354. Name me one Star Wars
character who's gay.Copy !req
355. - Yeah.
- Besides you.Copy !req
356. Well, no one's gay in Star Trek,
so why would I even do that?Copy !req
357. Captain Picard.Copy !req
358. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.Copy !req
359. Come on. " MakeCopy !req
360. I hate to break it to you
losers, but Han Solo's a bitch.Copy !req
361. Ah, no, he didn't. No, he didn't.Copy !req
362. What did you just say?Copy !req
363. - Is there a problem here?
- Yeah, there sure is, Spock.Copy !req
364. The admiral here just
called Han Solo a bitch.Copy !req
365. - Good one.
- Some pretty strong words for a Trekkie.Copy !req
366. A Trekkie is derogatory
at this point in the game.Copy !req
367. Trekker is what we're
called now. Trekker.Copy !req
368. Oh, I'm sorry. Trekkie.Copy !req
369. Just take a look-see here.Copy !req
370. What's with the man-purse?Copy !req
371. Yep. As I thought...Copy !req
372. scanner reads " douche bag. "Copy !req
373. Push me, I'll kill your whole Starfleet.Copy !req
374. Unbelievable!Copy !req
375. Snikt! Snitk! Come on, bub!Copy !req
376. Attack, you cowards! That's an order!Copy !req
377. - Hutch!
- Cover me, WindowslCopy !req
378. Evasive maneuvers! Evasive maneuvers!Copy !req
379. - My ear!
- Ha-ha!Copy !req
380. Nighty-night,
Spock-sucker.Copy !req
381. Beam this, bitch!Copy !req
382. Time-out! I call
time-out! Time-out!Copy !req
383. - Disable their vehicle.
- Get in! Go!Copy !req
384. Get in the vanl Get in the vanlCopy !req
385. Disable the vehicle.Copy !req
386. Kill the Star-roids!Copy !req
387. Get themlCopy !req
388. Han Solo is still a bitch!Copy !req
389. Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch.Copy !req
390. Yeah!Copy !req
391. Hey, Bottler, hit 'em
with the pressed ham!Copy !req
392. Klingon to this.Copy !req
393. Kha-a-a-an!Copy !req
394. Kha-a-a-an!Copy !req
395. Whoo!Copy !req
396. I took that Vulcan down hard.Copy !req
397. I rolled him into the dirt
like he was my frickin tauntaun.Copy !req
398. Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't
for me, you guys would all be dead.Copy !req
399. What fight were you watching?
I was channeling the emperor.Copy !req
400. The emperor? I don't remember the emperor
crapping his robe and screaming "time-out. "Copy !req
401. - Oh, my God. That's right. -
There is such a thing as time-out.Copy !req
402. I can feel your anger growing
inside. Wait. Time-out.Copy !req
403. All right. Time-out.Copy !req
404. We had to take your van, Hutch.Copy !req
405. I have access to literally
thousands of vehicles...Copy !req
406. but we had to take your van.Copy !req
407. Yeah, well, I had a spare tire...Copy !req
408. but some tardo took it out to make
some room for his grappling hook.Copy !req
409. What? We're on a covert operation.Copy !req
410. How can you be on a covert
operation without a grappling hook?Copy !req
411. Oh! Wait.Copy !req
412. What in Greedo's name is that?Copy !req
413. Talk about a wretched
hive of scum and villainy.Copy !req
414. Hmm.Copy !req
415. You guys stay right here.
I'll take care of this.Copy !req
416. How you doing, fellas? Hi, fellas.Copy !req
417. So our car broke down
a couple of miles back.Copy !req
418. Is there anyone you
know who can help us?Copy !req
419. No.Copy !req
420. Can I have some water?Copy !req
421. Yeah, a glass of water, please.Copy !req
422. Great.Copy !req
423. Pirate teeth. Pirate teeth.Copy !req
424. - Pirate teeth. Don't.
- Thank you.Copy !req
425. A hundred bucks.Copy !req
426. For a glass of water? That's
ridiculous. I'm not gonna pay that.Copy !req
427. Sure you will.Copy !req
428. Hell, no. Hell, no.
Back up, buddy. Back off.Copy !req
429. Word to the wise, ese.Copy !req
430. - Oohl - Drop the tough-ass
biker routine before I get angry.Copy !req
431. And you won't like me when I'm angry.Copy !req
432. Hmm, I think I would.Copy !req
433. - Hutch, let's not do this.
- Hutch, maybe...Copy !req
434. Nah. Nah. Nah.Copy !req
435. This guy wants to dick
with me, fine. I can dick.Copy !req
436. I used to rape guys 15
times your size in prison.Copy !req
437. So you best back off...Copy !req
438. - or, so help me God, I'm gonna pound your ass so hard...
- Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
439. - No. Hutch.
- What?Copy !req
440. - There's kind of a thing in this bar. Like that.
- See?Copy !req
441. Lxnay on the ass pounding.Copy !req
442. A hundred dollars? That's cool.Copy !req
443. Afraid it's too late for that, ese.Copy !req
444. Our midnight entertainment bailed.Copy !req
445. Time to pay for that drink.Copy !req
446. Oh, dear God. We're gonna
die up here, aren't we?Copy !req
447. We have to strip to Menudo?Copy !req
448. You got a problem with
Menudo? Now, take it off!Copy !req
449. That's it, man!Copy !req
450. " Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"Copy !req
451. You want some Swayze action, bitches?Copy !req
452. Yeah! You like that, huh?Copy !req
453. Whoo!Copy !req
454. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do
it, and you're gonna like it!Copy !req
455. He's got one ball. Un testículo.Copy !req
456. Oh, that's disgusting.Copy !req
457. Okay, I had a...Copy !req
458. torrid lightsaber battle
went wrong when I was a child.Copy !req
459. All right, all right, all
right. Show's over, fellas.Copy !req
460. - You boys took a wrong turn?
- Our car broke down.Copy !req
461. The Chief can fix it.Copy !req
462. The Chief?Copy !req
463. This is some kick-ass
guac you whipped up, man.Copy !req
464. - I feel funny.
- Tingly.Copy !req
465. - I feel good.
- Karate is cool.Copy !req
466. Guys, I don't think we're eating...Copy !req
467. your everyday garden-variety guacamole.Copy !req
468. I got recipe from Emeril.Copy !req
469. Avocado, onion, chopped garlic... Bam!Copy !req
470. - Bam!
- Bam!Copy !req
471. And the Chief's secret ingredient.Copy !req
472. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
473. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
474. - What?
- What?Copy !req
475. There's an ewok right beside you.Copy !req
476. Oh, wow. She's humping your
leg. It's humping your leg.Copy !req
477. She's humping your leg. I love you.Copy !req
478. Wahh!Copy !req
479. Death is but a path to life,
a passage to the stars...Copy !req
480. to the universe.Copy !req
481. I know what you mean.Copy !req
482. You mean the Force.Copy !req
483. The Force.Copy !req
484. Guys, my dad is gonna kill me
if I don't get to work on Monday.Copy !req
485. Putz. Screw it, man.Copy !req
486. - No!
- Join me, Son.Copy !req
487. Come to the Dark Side.Copy !req
488. - The Dark Side.
- No! No!Copy !req
489. Rogue Leader.Copy !req
490. What the hell you doing,
man? You're poking me.Copy !req
491. Oh, God. Don't flatter yourself, okay?Copy !req
492. It's just my R2. My lucky R2.Copy !req
493. Man, you wish you had the
height and girth of D2.Copy !req
494. - Yeahl
- WowlCopy !req
495. Hah! Van!Copy !req
496. Son of a whore! The Buce is back.Copy !req
497. The Chief fixed it
while you were asleep.Copy !req
498. The Chief fixed it. Is he
around? Can we thank him?Copy !req
499. He's the Chief. You're
the Chief, aren't you?Copy !req
500. - Why didn't you say so?
- The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person.Copy !req
501. It causes confusion,
especially with the bitches.Copy !req
502. Well, you're cool as balls,
you burned-out old hash-head.Copy !req
503. Wonder Twins power activate.Copy !req
504. It's been interesting.Copy !req
505. Thanks.Copy !req
506. You need it more than I do.Copy !req
507. Wow. Thank you. I, uh...Copy !req
508. - Good luck.
- Thanks.Copy !req
509. Who's up for Texas, boys?Copy !req
510. Hey...Copy !req
511. Yeah!Copy !req
512. - Yes! - #Bah,Copy !req
513. Thank you for the blue balls, ladieslCopy !req
514. Harrison Ford is the
greatest actor of all timelCopy !req
515. In the history of cinema?Copy !req
516. He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!Copy !req
517. - Deckard from Blade Runner.
- Yes. Exactly.Copy !req
518. Greatest actor of all time.Copy !req
519. He's never done a bad movie.Copy !req
520. Does that sign say " electric
fence"? Watch this. Ready?Copy !req
521. Let's just hope she's still here.Copy !req
522. Oh, she'll be here.Copy !req
523. Give her a taste of
that white chocolate.Copy !req
524. What do you think?Copy !req
525. Oh, my God.Copy !req
526. - 'Toid me.
- You ready?Copy !req
527. - Yeah. Thank you.
- Nice.Copy !req
528. Go get her.Copy !req
529. Hi there.Copy !req
530. Oh, my God!Copy !req
531. Rogue Leader, I presume?Copy !req
532. Red 6?Copy !req
533. Let me just put my glasses on.Copy !req
534. What the hell?Copy !req
535. You're a kid. You're 12.Copy !req
536. - I'm 10.
- You're 10?Copy !req
537. I'm a pedophile! I'm a pedophile!Copy !req
538. - I'm a pedophile!
- Give us a moment, please.Copy !req
539. I have to leave this state at once.Copy !req
540. Yea! Yea!Copy !req
541. That was fantastic.Copy !req
542. We drove a thousand miles, Windows.Copy !req
543. A thousand. For what?Copy !req
544. So you can get funky with
Strawberry Shortcakes?Copy !req
545. It's not really sex if it's cyber-sex.Copy !req
546. Relax. We're gonna sit down. We're
gonna put on our thinking caps.Copy !req
547. - And we're gonna get a better plan.
- No, it's...Copy !req
548. I have to be back by Monday.Copy !req
549. I haven't told you
guys this yet, but my...Copy !req
550. My dad gave me the company.Copy !req
551. - Hey!
- Thanks, man.Copy !req
552. Yeah, the whole thing. The
whole thing is mine now.Copy !req
553. What's the new game plan?Copy !req
554. Let's get in the van and
get the hell out of here.Copy !req
555. - This is just a minor setback.
- It's a minor setback for you.Copy !req
556. I live in the real world,
okay? I have to go back to work.Copy !req
557. You have to go back
to... your mom's garage.Copy !req
558. - It's a carriage house.
- It's a garage, man.Copy !req
559. - Say it again.
- It's a garage.Copy !req
560. - Excuse me. Excuse me.
- GuyslCopy !req
561. - Holding my schlong!
- Okay! Okay.Copy !req
562. - Harry Knowles.
- Harry who?Copy !req
563. - Hello.
- This man is the ultimate fanboy, Eric.Copy !req
564. His Web site "A in't it Cool News"
is like every geek's homepage.Copy !req
565. Which one of you's Windows?Copy !req
566. Me.Copy !req
567. I'm Windows.Copy !req
568. - Nice to meet you...
- OhlCopy !req
569. Back off!Copy !req
570. - Oh, God!
- Ohh!Copy !req
571. Harry Knowles is kicking Windows's ass.Copy !req
572. Now, you listen to me, perv.Copy !req
573. If you ever e-mail my niece again,
I will hunt you down like a T-1000.Copy !req
574. Okay, Mr. Knowles, he
didn't know... Okay.Copy !req
575. - You will release my friends.
- Back!Copy !req
576. We wanted to break into the Skywalker Ranch.
Kimmy said she'd give us the floor plans.Copy !req
577. We were gonna break in and
steal Episode I, that's it.Copy !req
578. That is the stupidest thing I've heard
since Schumacher put nips on Batman.Copy !req
579. - Ohh!
- These aren't the droids you're looking for, man.Copy !req
580. - Heh!
- Anybody else have any stupid comments?Copy !req
581. It's very stupid, but true. We've been
planning this since we were like six.Copy !req
582. Listen. Harry, Harry, Harry.Copy !req
583. If you help us out, we'll give you
all the exclusive spoilers and all.Copy !req
584. - Okay?
- Ohh.Copy !req
585. That's an interesting offer.
Episode Vwas directed by who?Copy !req
586. - Irvin Kershner. -
That was just a warm-up.Copy !req
587. You. In Episode VI when Leia
shoots down two scout troopers...Copy !req
588. why doesn't she take one of the
speeder bikes instead of walking?Copy !req
589. If you pay attention closely,
the speeder bikes were destroyed.Copy !req
590. And then Luke refers to it
later on in the dialogue.Copy !req
591. Impressive. I wasn't really
worried about you though.Copy !req
592. What was Luke Skywalker's call sign
during the rebel assault in Episode IV?Copy !req
593. Red 5.Copy !req
594. You are all only as strong
as your weakest link.Copy !req
595. Hello, weakest link.Copy !req
596. - What?
- What is the name of Chewbacca's home planet?Copy !req
597. It's never discussed in
the movies. That's not fair.Copy !req
598. I know. I know.Copy !req
599. Do you give up?Copy !req
600. Come on, man. Say it.Copy !req
601. Kashyyyk. Kashyyyk. Chewie's
home planet is Kashyyyk.Copy !req
602. Chewie's home planet is Kashyyyk.Copy !req
603. Well played, boys. I'll help you.Copy !req
604. You're gonna meet my friend in Vegas.Copy !req
605. - He's got everything you need. Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
606. - How will we know who he is?
- Oh, don't worry. You'll know.Copy !req
607. The password: Scruffy Nerfherder.Copy !req
608. - Scruffy Nerfherder.
- Good luck, boys.Copy !req
609. Nice detailing.Copy !req
610. We're going to Vegas, fellas.Copy !req
611. Hey, Hutch, you mind slowing down?Copy !req
612. Sorry. I don't speak jagoff.Copy !req
613. I just thought it might be
nice to get to Vegas alive.Copy !req
614. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
615. We got Imperial bacon.Copy !req
616. Okay, probably not the best
time to tell you guys this...Copy !req
617. but, uh, there's a giant bag of
peyote in the back of the van.Copy !req
618. - What?
- Excuse me?Copy !req
619. The Chief gave it to me.Copy !req
620. Hutch, just pull over and
get the ticket, man, okay?Copy !req
621. We can't pull over with a
big-ass bag of peyote on us.Copy !req
622. Pull over and stoplCopy !req
623. Do what he says, Hutch.
Do what he says, Hutch.Copy !req
624. - Don't do what he says.
- Do what he says, Hutch.Copy !req
625. - It's gonna be okay, fellas. It's gonna be okay.
- Pull over, man.Copy !req
626. Suck my exhaust, pork rind!Copy !req
627. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
628. - Talk to me, Goose.
- Talk to you? He's back.Copy !req
629. - He found us!
- God!Copy !req
630. - Move this piece of shit!
- You don't call my van a piece of shit!Copy !req
631. - Well?
- Hey, ladies, ladies!Copy !req
632. You got to break rule number two.Copy !req
633. - Chewie, prepare to make the jump to hyperspace.
- Yes!Copy !req
634. Okay, I'm ready.Copy !req
635. Somebody tell me what the
goddamn red button's for!Copy !req
636. It's light speed, kid.Copy !req
637. - Light speed?
- Yeah.Copy !req
638. Punch it!Copy !req
639. What the... Come on!Copy !req
640. - You're not gonna do this to me now.
- No. Okay, I'm resetting.Copy !req
641. Light speed. Impressive.Copy !req
642. I put a tank of nitrous in
this thing. It's not firing.Copy !req
643. - Hutch, please do something.
- Hutch!Copy !req
644. Damn it.Copy !req
645. Whoo!Copy !req
646. Oh, my God!Copy !req
647. It's working! Whoo!Copy !req
648. - Stay on target! Stay on target!
- Oh, GodlCopy !req
649. Oh, shit!Copy !req
650. I probably shouldn't have
called that cop a fag.Copy !req
651. I think he took it the wrong way.Copy !req
652. Breakfast.Copy !req
653. - Oh, God.
- Ow!Copy !req
654. - Jesus!
- Oh, God.Copy !req
655. Ham and cheese.Copy !req
656. Well, look on the bright side, you
guys. This trip can't get any worse.Copy !req
657. It just did, boys.Copy !req
658. - What?
- I got to drop a sewer pickle.Copy !req
659. Yeah, I got to throw her into reverse.Copy !req
660. Bottler, give me your sandwich, bro.Copy !req
661. Hook me up. Another one.Copy !req
662. - What's the sandwich for?
- I don't know.Copy !req
663. I'm not gonna sit on this.Copy !req
664. - Oh, Hutch!
- Jesus.Copy !req
665. It's crawling with criminal ass germs.Copy !req
666. - Just hover, man. -
Okay, listen up, pre-pubes.Copy !req
667. You got a visitor... Sweet can of corn.Copy !req
668. What are you doing with that ham sandwich,
boy? It's not right what you're doing.Copy !req
669. Hutch, you owe me a sock.Copy !req
670. I had to wipe with something.Copy !req
671. You pussies owe me, big time.Copy !req
672. - Oh, Zoe, thank God.
- We weren't sure if you'd gotten our message.Copy !req
673. If by message you mean Windows shrieking into
my answering machine like a little girl...Copy !req
674. - then yes, message received.
- You don't know what we've been through.Copy !req
675. Hutch just took a dump in front of us.Copy !req
676. Yeah. That's life inside the big house.Copy !req
677. Zoe, promise me you brought the money.Copy !req
678. I cleared out every cent
Windows had in the comic store.Copy !req
679. - You what?
- Oh! Don't even speak.Copy !req
680. I took two taxis, an airplane
and an all-night bus ride...Copy !req
681. next to an old man that I am
pretty sure had a full diaper.Copy !req
682. Hey, hey, okay. Okay,
visiting time's over.Copy !req
683. The judge wants to see y'all
in his private chambers.Copy !req
684. Oh, yeah. Just one more thing.Copy !req
685. Whatever you do, do not
make fun of his name.Copy !req
686. Let me see if I got this right.Copy !req
687. Now, you tried to outrun
an officer of the law...Copy !req
688. because you obtained a bag of
peyote from a Mexican Indian chief...Copy !req
689. who thought it would help treat
your friend's terminal illness?Copy !req
690. - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
691. I'm gonna let you boys go.Copy !req
692. Not because I believe you.Copy !req
693. - Because I believe your father.
- My father?Copy !req
694. - Mm-hmm. - You actually
spoke with my dad?Copy !req
695. Sure did.Copy !req
696. He wanted me to give you this message.Copy !req
697. Approach the bench.Copy !req
698. Have a nice day, son.Copy !req
699. Yeah. Man's gone carbonite freeze on us.Copy !req
700. We got to be in Vegas
in less than 24 hours.Copy !req
701. All right. I'm gonna go
smack some sense into the boy.Copy !req
702. Whoa. Cut him some slack.Copy !req
703. Okay.Copy !req
704. I just mapped out our route
to Vegas on my Toughbook...Copy !req
705. and the closest airport's about
a hundred miles north of here.Copy !req
706. So all we got to do is
drop the ol' Zoe off...Copy !req
707. and then it's a straight
shot to Sin City.Copy !req
708. Ho! Hold on.Copy !req
709. You haul my ass out into
the middle of nowhere...Copy !req
710. and expect me to just jump
on the first plane back?Copy !req
711. Sorry. It's not gonna happen.Copy !req
712. Come on. You know this trip is men only.Copy !req
713. I tell you what.Copy !req
714. I'll get on the plane if any
one of you can take me down.Copy !req
715. Listen, Princess.Copy !req
716. No one wants to see you get hurt.Copy !req
717. I'm gonna get Botts.Copy !req
718. - Get off of mel
- Oh, my GodlCopy !req
719. - Be a man, Hutch.
- Get her off of me!Copy !req
720. - Hutch, say " time-out.
" - Don't just stand there!Copy !req
721. Shoot herl Somebody shoot herlCopy !req
722. - Help me, for God sake! God help me!
- Gentlemen.Copy !req
723. - Get the jaws oflifel
- I'm good.Copy !req
724. Welcome aboard.Copy !req
725. - Now go get Eric.
- Yes, sir!Copy !req
726. And be nice.Copy !req
727. You're lucky I have a crush on you.Copy !req
728. Yo, Botts, you okay?Copy !req
729. You know, I could do
this... start a life here.Copy !req
730. Clean slate. Fresh air.Copy !req
731. No pressure, no responsibility.Copy !req
732. Yeah, it seems nice, man.Copy !req
733. In theory it sounds nice.Copy !req
734. I bet there's not even like a Blockbuster
Video within 500 miles of here.Copy !req
735. Or like a Falafel Hut or...Copy !req
736. Guys, shut up.Copy !req
737. I just figured if I...Copy !req
738. worked hard and...Copy !req
739. sold enough cars and impressed
my dad enough times, I'd...Copy !req
740. I'd feel something.Copy !req
741. You gotta find your Death Star.Copy !req
742. Okay, I'll bite.Copy !req
743. Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did...Copy !req
744. was take down the Death Star, right?Copy !req
745. As far as I'm concerned,
that's what everybody needs.Copy !req
746. You need that one bad-ass thing...Copy !req
747. that lets you live on forever, you know.Copy !req
748. Yeah.Copy !req
749. Hey, Spice GirlslCopy !req
750. Are you gonna swap recipes all day?Copy !req
751. Vegas awaits, ladies.Copy !req
752. - Wow!
- Sweet!Copy !req
753. And here's where you learn
how to do Vegas, fanboy style.Copy !req
754. You guys thinking what I'm thinking?Copy !req
755. They are everywhere, Giles.Copy !req
756. Mama, star people.Copy !req
757. This is so gay.Copy !req
758. Ow!Copy !req
759. Let me get that for you.Copy !req
760. You, uh... You might
wanna hit the showers.Copy !req
761. 'Cause you smell like
something shit in my nose.Copy !req
762. - Yes, Your Highnessness.
- EwlCopy !req
763. What in God's name is living on your
chest? It looks like you fell on ALF.Copy !req
764. - Godl
- Look who's back in uniform.Copy !req
765. - Nice.
- Yeah, it's almost 8:00, so we gotta go meet Harry's contact.Copy !req
766. Then let's go.Copy !req
767. - You guys coming?
- I'll catch up with you guys later.Copy !req
768. I'm just gonna do a bit of
pillagin' the tables first.Copy !req
769. - Twenty-two.
Loser. - Ah, Jesus!Copy !req
770. That is mathematically impossible.Copy !req
771. I must have the worst luck
in the northern hemisphere.Copy !req
772. I heard about the Rogue Leader debacle.Copy !req
773. - That's one for the record books.
- Hey.Copy !req
774. A cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and
Janeane Garofalo, it's too good to be true.Copy !req
775. I just have to face the
facts, Zoe. I'm 24 years old...Copy !req
776. and I've only ever
copulated with one woman.Copy !req
777. Plenty of guys have
only been with one woman.Copy !req
778. I don't know that many women to
have only been with one woman.Copy !req
779. I, uh... I'm female kryptonite.Copy !req
780. Look, you're fine around me.Copy !req
781. Well, yeah, of course
I am. That's 'cause...Copy !req
782. you are not a girl.Copy !req
783. You know what I mean?Copy !req
784. No. Please enlighten me.Copy !req
785. You know every Bond villain, you
constantly quote Clash of the Titans...Copy !req
786. and you've beat every Zelda
game Nintendo's ever released.Copy !req
787. - I mean...
- Dude, dude, dude. Three o'clock, man.Copy !req
788. Hotties on the slotties.Copy !req
789. I would knock the
nickels out of that pussy!Copy !req
790. Dude, you're gonna be my Dak
today, all right? Follow my lead.Copy !req
791. - Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. You wanna just talk to them?
- Yeah. It's called having balls.Copy !req
792. Or in your case, one ball. Come
on. Eric and Linus are waiting.Copy !req
793. What are you, the wife? Let's go.Copy !req
794. - Wait. You're going over there?
- Uh...Copy !req
795. Turns out you're more
clueless than you think.Copy !req
796. - Apparently, so am I.
- What does that mean? Zoe!Copy !req
797. - Zoel
- Come on.Copy !req
798. - Pardon me.
- Hi there.Copy !req
799. - Hello. How are you?
- Hi.Copy !req
800. - Hi.
- Ladies.Copy !req
801. You ladies looking for
love in Alderaan places?Copy !req
802. - Excuse me?
- Alderaan is the last planet destroyed by the Death Star...Copy !req
803. Bomba, bomba, bomba!
Dat-dat-dat-dat-dat-dat! Daniel-san.Copy !req
804. What my socially retarded
friend was trying to say...Copy !req
805. was that we'd like to maybe
buy you two gals a beverage.Copy !req
806. - Sure.
- Sure.Copy !req
807. Oh, my God. Wow.Copy !req
808. You know, uh, Eric and
Linus are waiting for us.Copy !req
809. I think that they're
going to understand.Copy !req
810. They're going to understand.Copy !req
811. Where are they, man? It's
almost... It's almost 8:00!Copy !req
812. I don't know where they are, but we
don't have time to wait for 'em. Come on.Copy !req
813. Convention room's this way. Let's go.Copy !req
814. - Rak nonl
- Yes, sir!Copy !req
815. Phasers on stun.Copy !req
816. Being the C.E.O. Of my own company...Copy !req
817. I'm not gonna lie to
you, I get a lot of perks.Copy !req
818. I got a big-ass mansion, you know.Copy !req
819. I got a butler... Maurice.Copy !req
820. Bentley in the drive. Flux capacitor.Copy !req
821. I mean, the 1.21 gigawatts,
that don't come cheap, you know.Copy !req
822. - But I got the duckets, you know.
- Wow.Copy !req
823. There's nothing more sexy
than a man with power.Copy !req
824. What do you mean?
Like... You like power?Copy !req
825. - Uh-huh. -
I like power.Copy !req
826. - I got a hell of a lot of power.
- Yeah?Copy !req
827. Yeah.Copy !req
828. You want to come sit on my lap.Copy !req
829. Oh. Wow.Copy !req
830. You want to take your shirt off.Copy !req
831. Wow-ar-r-rm.Copy !req
832. Yummy!Copy !req
833. Oh, my God.Copy !req
834. - Can you smell that?
- Trekkies.Copy !req
835. Yeah.Copy !req
836. Badges.Copy !req
837. Yeah, we're not here for the Trek.Copy !req
838. Okay? We're here to see somebody.Copy !req
839. And who would that be?Copy !req
840. We're here to see the nerfherder.Copy !req
841. - Hmm?
- Scruffy Nerfherder.Copy !req
842. Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop!Copy !req
843. And then Zoe just storms off.Copy !req
844. I mean, she's really...Copy !req
845. a very difficult specimen
to read sometimes.Copy !req
846. If you know what I mean. But I...Copy !req
847. You just can't act like that
if you wanna be one of the guys.Copy !req
848. Maybe... she doesn't
wanna be one of the guys.Copy !req
849. She likes you.Copy !req
850. But I didn't... But she kind of just...Copy !req
851. Jesus Murphy!Copy !req
852. Wow. Okay.Copy !req
853. What-What should I do?Copy !req
854. Well, if there's one thing
I learned being an escort...Copy !req
855. it's that actions
speak louder than words.Copy !req
856. Did you just say " escort"?Copy !req
857. Fantastic.Copy !req
858. Shh!Copy !req
859. - I don't think we're alone.
- Yeah.Copy !req
860. You're latelCopy !req
861. It's all there... maps, pass codes...Copy !req
862. phony I.D.'s to get you past the front
gates, but that's not what's most important.Copy !req
863. What's most important?Copy !req
864. We never met.Copy !req
865. - That's Capt...
- Yeah. I think...Copy !req
866. I should... Hi. I can't believe
that these are classified.Copy !req
867. And there's... Look at the
maps. I mean, there's badges.Copy !req
868. And there's Trekkin'with
TJ. What is this for?Copy !req
869. Just something for the ride.Copy !req
870. - Thank you.
- This is unreal. How did you score all this stuff?Copy !req
871. Are you kidding? I'm William
Shatner. I can score anything.Copy !req
872. - Okay.
- How 'bout... How 'boutJeri Ryan's panties?Copy !req
873. - Oh.
- Anything.Copy !req
874. - I'm so glad that we met.
- Me too.Copy !req
875. This is... Whoa. Hey. Wait, wait.Copy !req
876. Okay, let me go.Copy !req
877. - Hutch, private convo. Jesus.
- What the hell are you...Copy !req
878. What are you doing, man?
Get the hell out ofhere.Copy !req
879. It's not a good time. The
Force is strong with me here.Copy !req
880. - Actually, your hour's over.
- What do you mean, " over"?Copy !req
881. - Hutch, they're hookers.
- We're not hookers. We're escorts.Copy !req
882. - The difference being?
- I don't know.Copy !req
883. Excuse me. Sorry. You telling me...Copy !req
884. that I just spent the last hour
sweet talking a smoking, hot whore?Copy !req
885. - You could always pay for another hour.
- How much?Copy !req
886. - One thousand.
- Dollars?Copy !req
887. - Mm-hmm. - Each!
I want a refund.Copy !req
888. - Give me a refund.
- Is that possible?Copy !req
889. You know what? We're male prostitutes
and you owe us a thousand dollarslCopy !req
890. - You can talk it over with Roach.
- Roach?Copy !req
891. - Hi, Daddy.
- Greetings and salutations. It is payday.Copy !req
892. - Ten-thousand shares
of Priceline? - Anything.Copy !req
893. - Wow.
- Next time you see Harry Knowles, tell him we're square.Copy !req
894. Friends of yours?Copy !req
895. Cry havoc!Copy !req
896. Zinfandel. That's a good vintage.Copy !req
897. Uh, this has all been a
really big misunderstanding.Copy !req
898. You see, my friend and I, we didn't
know that we were on the clock, per se.Copy !req
899. You thought you were getting
that for free, did ya?Copy !req
900. - Uh, Mr. Roach?
- Yeah?Copy !req
901. Would you mind not eating
those peanuts 'cause...Copy !req
902. Buddy, these are like
$10 a peanut, you know.Copy !req
903. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
904. Well, why don't you take
it out of the $2,000...Copy !req
905. that you and your skinny little
idiot friend owe me, how's that sound?Copy !req
906. - Rebel Alliance, dude.
- What? Enunciate.Copy !req
907. - Rebel Alliance.
- Rebel Alliance.Copy !req
908. We recognize the tat.
We're Star Wars fans.Copy !req
909. - You're Star Wars fans?
- Yeah.Copy !req
910. Shit. Why didn't you say so, man?Copy !req
911. You think that's cool,
check this shit out. Look.Copy !req
912. Entire right side, Rebel Alliance.Copy !req
913. "Do or do not. " That's funny.Copy !req
914. Check this out. Episode I.Copy !req
915. Fu-Schnickens.
Jar-Jar Binks.Copy !req
916. That guy's gonna be
the shit. I tell you.Copy !req
917. - Wow.
- Right? You like that?Copy !req
918. - I had them do that pose. I thought it was funny.
- That is awesome.Copy !req
919. - You guys are all right.
- So, we're all hunky-dory?Copy !req
920. - We're all copacetic?
- Well, if the word " copacetic" means...Copy !req
921. I'm gonna rip off your tongue and
lick your ass with it, then yeah...Copy !req
922. - we're copacetic.
- Oh.Copy !req
923. - Windows, now!
- It was lovely to meet you.Copy !req
924. Thank you so much for listening.Copy !req
925. - Go, go, go!
- Balloons? You thought that was gonna stop 'em?Copy !req
926. - Grab the princess.
- Come on, Zoe!Copy !req
927. - Get off me. I'm not speaking to you.
- Seriously. We gotta go now!Copy !req
928. Why are we running? What did you do?Copy !req
929. They're everywhere! They're everywhere!Copy !req
930. You're going the wrong way!Copy !req
931. Yeah!Copy !req
932. That's him! He's the
one who destroyed Khan.Copy !req
933. You called Han Solo a bitch, man!Copy !req
934. Han Solo is a bitch.Copy !req
935. No one calls...Copy !req
936. Han Solo a bitch!Copy !req
937. - Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go!Copy !req
938. Why are we running?Copy !req
939. - Go! Come on!
- What is going on?Copy !req
940. You stop this van, you little sons
of bitches! I'm gonna kill you!Copy !req
941. This is not copacetic. You stop!Copy !req
942. Zoe, hit him with the pressed ham!Copy !req
943. Yeah!Copy !req
944. - Yeah!
- Nice.Copy !req
945. Nailed it.Copy !req
946. Linus? JesuslCopy !req
947. - Where'd he go?
- Did he fall out?Copy !req
948. Chewie. I call Chewie.Copy !req
949. Dr. Richardson to Trauma
2. Dr. Richardson, Trauma 2.Copy !req
950. Your friend's awake.Copy !req
951. - Uh, cool. Can we see him?
- Yes.Copy !req
952. But first we need to have a little talk.Copy !req
953. Linus tells me that you're
on some sort of a road trip.Copy !req
954. - Uh, yeah, up to San Francisco.
- Well, not anymore, fellas.Copy !req
955. The only place he's
going is back to Ohio.Copy !req
956. - We can't do that.
- Just what's so important in San Francisco?Copy !req
957. - Uh, he...
- Star Wars.Copy !req
958. Star Wars?Copy !req
959. Look, he is very, very sick
and he needs to go home.Copy !req
960. No.Copy !req
961. Guys, we can't... we can't do
this now. We can't give up now.Copy !req
962. Not when we're so close.Copy !req
963. Linus, it's just a movie.Copy !req
964. Yeah, maybe it is. Maybe
it is. You know what?Copy !req
965. To most people, Star Wars
is just a movie, right?Copy !req
966. - Not to us!
- We just spoke to the doctor.Copy !req
967. Screw that doctor! Screw...
Screw all those people!Copy !req
968. Did-Did they ever get their... their heads
stuck in a bucket trying to be Darth Vader?Copy !req
969. - I mean, I don't think so. No.
- Nope.Copy !req
970. Did they ever singe their eyebrows
trying to make a lightsaber?Copy !req
971. No way. Did they name
their right hand Leia?Copy !req
972. Who knows? Yes, they could have.Copy !req
973. - But you know who did?
- Me.Copy !req
974. Yes, you did. So did I. So did you.Copy !req
975. - We all did.
- You guys are freaking sick. You know that?Copy !req
976. This is our Death Star, man.Copy !req
977. And I don't know about you, guys, but
I'm not running away from this one.Copy !req
978. - Me neither.
- Screw it. I named both my hands Leia.Copy !req
979. What the hell are you doing?
Do you know who this is?Copy !req
980. It's that way.Copy !req
981. Jailbreakl JailbreaklCopy !req
982. What's going on?Copy !req
983. - Hold it right there!
- No, uh, please...Copy !req
984. You're our only hope.Copy !req
985. Take two of these every three hours.Copy !req
986. Oh, my God.Copy !req
987. - I love you.
- I know.Copy !req
988. Yeah!Copy !req
989. Mmm.Copy !req
990. Nothing worse than a locked shitter
when you got to turd, am I right?Copy !req
991. Seriously, man.Copy !req
992. That is it, man! I don't
wanna do this anymore!Copy !req
993. Why not? What'd I tell you,
sweet and womanly, right?Copy !req
994. Womanly?Copy !req
995. - Make sure you go tell your friends.
- I'll be back.Copy !req
996. Bam, bam, bam! Hyah! Wanna try that?Copy !req
997. Start the car! Start the van!Copy !req
998. Hi!Copy !req
999. - Let's do it! Let's do it!
- Oh, my GodlCopy !req
1000. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
1001. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
1002. Shut up, manl It was a hundred
miles agol Stop living in the pastlCopy !req
1003. Oh, my GodlCopy !req
1004. Lucas Valley Road. We
gotta steal that sign, guys.Copy !req
1005. Zoe, how we looking out there?Copy !req
1006. One guard manning the booth.
Couple civvies roaming about.Copy !req
1007. - Nothing we can't handle.
- All right, fellas, " X" marks our target.Copy !req
1008. Level " C" editing bays. It's our
best chance for finding the rough cut.Copy !req
1009. Excellent. Okay. Once we've
breached the front gate...Copy !req
1010. we're gonna be off on foot, so we're gonna
have to take a shortcut at this wall here.Copy !req
1011. And you know what that means.Copy !req
1012. Are you shitting... Grappling hook?Copy !req
1013. I can do this.Copy !req
1014. - Get up.
- Windows, how's it look up there?Copy !req
1015. Windows, make sure there are no cameras.Copy !req
1016. Can you see anything?Copy !req
1017. All right, one, two...Copy !req
1018. - Oh, Jesus!
- Windows, JesuslCopy !req
1019. OwlCopy !req
1020. - Okay.
- Wait. There he is. Good man. Good man.Copy !req
1021. Let's go. Follow my
lead. Follow my lead.Copy !req
1022. Get down. Stay low. The ninja roll.Copy !req
1023. Guys, get down!Copy !req
1024. - Jackass.
- Guys, wait for me.Copy !req
1025. I hate running.Copy !req
1026. This is like the most exercise
you guys have gotten all year.Copy !req
1027. This is the one Shatner
said would be open.Copy !req
1028. A breach in Skywalker security.Copy !req
1029. Wow. Okay, we're in.Copy !req
1030. I feel like we're in
a Scooby-Doo episode.Copy !req
1031. Go, go, go, go.Copy !req
1032. - Hutch?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1033. Your ass still smells
like ham and cheese.Copy !req
1034. Sweet. That way.Copy !req
1035. Wow.Copy !req
1036. Shatner, don't fail us now, right?Copy !req
1037. Whoa.Copy !req
1038. Yeah!Copy !req
1039. - Oh, my God.
- No way.Copy !req
1040. We're home, boys.Copy !req
1041. See, that's what I call a collection.Copy !req
1042. This is where I want my ashes scattered.Copy !req
1043. Oh!Copy !req
1044. - " Help me, Obi
- Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. "Copy !req
1045. They've got Indy stuff.Copy !req
1046. Thermal detonator.Copy !req
1047. I think I'm gonna cry.Copy !req
1048. Hey. They got Willow's spell book!Copy !req
1049. You know, Willow? Little guy?Copy !req
1050. Magical... "Kaiya. "Copy !req
1051. Who cares about Willow?Copy !req
1052. Look at this.Copy !req
1053. "Throw me the idol. "Copy !req
1054. Guys, look at this.
"We've got bad dates. "Copy !req
1055. One kaddam for the Hebrew god.Copy !req
1056. We have a breach in the archive
room. Breach in the archive room.Copy !req
1057. You know, no matter how
you felt about the guy...Copy !req
1058. Vader embraced his fate.Copy !req
1059. He faced death head-on.Copy !req
1060. No one moves.Copy !req
1061. Subjects have been
located. Requesting backup.Copy !req
1062. Please step away from Lord Vader.Copy !req
1063. Dude, what's up with the outfits?Copy !req
1064. Company policy.Copy !req
1065. You wanna work here,
you gotta wear the suit.Copy !req
1066. Carl, you make us wear the suit.Copy !req
1067. - Run? -
Run. - Run.Copy !req
1068. - Zoe!
- Just go!Copy !req
1069. - I'm not leaving without her.
- What, are you crazy? It's three against onelCopy !req
1070. Never tell me the odds.Copy !req
1071. There can be only one.Copy !req
1072. Time for you to get mauled, boy.Copy !req
1073. I'm good.Copy !req
1074. - Go!
- Let's go!Copy !req
1075. Man downl Man downlCopy !req
1076. Stop! Don't move!Copy !req
1077. Run!Copy !req
1078. Subjects are fleeing
to the west corridor!Copy !req
1079. - Go, go, go!
- Stop!Copy !req
1080. Go, go!Copy !req
1081. Come on!Copy !req
1082. Hmm. Yoda says going up you are.Copy !req
1083. - In!
- Get in! Get your ass in there!Copy !req
1084. - Hurry!
- Let's go!Copy !req
1085. Move it! Over there!Copy !req
1086. Over there! Let's go!Copy !req
1087. That was awesome!Copy !req
1088. Where the hell are we?Copy !req
1089. I have a bad feeling about this.Copy !req
1090. Um, you guys don't think that the, um...Copy !req
1091. We are in George Lucas's trash room.Copy !req
1092. Don't be ridiculous, okay? The
walls are not gonna close in on us.Copy !req
1093. - Holy...
- JesuslCopy !req
1094. - Let's fortify the walls with this.
- Do it!Copy !req
1095. - Um, girls?
- Goddamn you, walls!Copy !req
1096. Girls!Copy !req
1097. That'd be the air duct.Copy !req
1098. - And that there's the exit.
- Yeah, the exit.Copy !req
1099. - And you guys are the big pussies.
- I knew.Copy !req
1100. " 3PO! We're all right!"Copy !req
1101. Guys, this way!Copy !req
1102. - Yikes!
- Check in here.Copy !req
1103. This one's clear.Copy !req
1104. Damn it, shut up!Copy !req
1105. I think we lost 'em, right?Copy !req
1106. Yeah, we lost them for now, but we
cannot run around this place all night.Copy !req
1107. Guys!Copy !req
1108. We're in the motherboard. We're in.Copy !req
1109. - George Lucas's office.
- George Lucas's office!Copy !req
1110. Holy shit. Oh, wow. We're... We're...Copy !req
1111. - Oh, my God.
- We're in the motherboard.Copy !req
1112. You guys need to see this. You
guys need to see this. Look.Copy !req
1113. Holy HothlCopy !req
1114. - I think this is it. I think this is it.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1115. Play it. Play it.Copy !req
1116. Hey, get over here. Come on.Copy !req
1117. The crawl!Copy !req
1118. The crawllCopy !req
1119. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1120. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
1121. - Here you are.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1122. That hooker in Vegas gave me something.Copy !req
1123. What?Copy !req
1124. The truth.Copy !req
1125. I'm in love with you and, uh...Copy !req
1126. I love you too.Copy !req
1127. Stand back.Copy !req
1128. - Okay, on your feet!
- Us?Copy !req
1129. - Yeah! Come on up! On your feet!
- Get on outta here! Come on!Copy !req
1130. Nowl Get on your feetlCopy !req
1131. Yeah, get on your feet! Who
the hell are these people?Copy !req
1132. - And line up against the wall, all of youl
- Back against the wall!Copy !req
1133. Get up! What are you talkin' about? Hey!Copy !req
1134. Step away from the Millennium
Falcon and line up against the wall.Copy !req
1135. - Now!
- Oh.Copy !req
1136. - Oh, God.
- Linus, what are you doing, man?Copy !req
1137. I'm feeling crazy right now.Copy !req
1138. - Dude, do you have any idea how valuable that thing is?
- Not a good idea.Copy !req
1139. Put it down. Come on. Put it down nowlCopy !req
1140. You guys stand up against the wall, or I
will smash this thing into a billion pieces!Copy !req
1141. I will. I will smash thislCopy !req
1142. - No.
- What, you think I won't?Copy !req
1143. - No, I don't.
- No, you don't, you think that I won't...Copy !req
1144. or, no, you don't,
you think that I will?Copy !req
1145. - The first one.
- I'm confused. Who's doing what now?Copy !req
1146. - You tell me.
- It doesn't matter.Copy !req
1147. Because if he puts down the Millennium
Falcon, I will smash this training remote...Copy !req
1148. erasing it from history.Copy !req
1149. - Come on, guys. Let's rethink this.
- Shut up, Windows!Copy !req
1150. - Who's doing what?
- Put down the Millennium Falcon and the training remote...Copy !req
1151. or I will destroy this puppet.Copy !req
1152. - Craig! You can't!
- Shut up, Barry.Copy !req
1153. - Put down Master Yoda!
- You put yours down, damn it!Copy !req
1154. I can't do it!Copy !req
1155. - All right, everybody shut up!
- Oh!Copy !req
1156. Swear to God, this little ewok
is going up in flames! I'll do it.Copy !req
1157. - Do it. Go ahead. Burn it.
- I will.Copy !req
1158. - Yeah, burn it.
- Guys, nobody wants this.Copy !req
1159. - I will.
- Burn it. Burn it.Copy !req
1160. - I'm gonna. That's what I said!
- Burn it!Copy !req
1161. Good. I was always more
of a Star Trek fan anyway.Copy !req
1162. Damn Trekkies are everywhere!Copy !req
1163. All right, we'll take it from
here. Sir, give me the Falcon.Copy !req
1164. - I can't believe I let you guys get me into this.
- Shut up!Copy !req
1165. How you guys doing? You guys doing good?Copy !req
1166. So let me get this right.Copy !req
1167. You guys wanted to see
our movie early for free.Copy !req
1168. So you broke into private property, huh?Copy !req
1169. - And you tried to
steal it. - L-I...Copy !req
1170. I haven't even seen the movie yet!Copy !req
1171. Sir, I understand that this looks bad...Copy !req
1172. It looks like three-to-five-years,
locked-up, for-breaking-and-entering bad.Copy !req
1173. That's right, sweet cheeks. By the
time y'all walk away from this...Copy !req
1174. your faces are gonna be
shrunken and shriveled...Copy !req
1175. just like your one nut.Copy !req
1176. What? How can he possibly know that?Copy !req
1177. Oh, we know about your uniball.Copy !req
1178. We know everything, Mr. Harold
Hutchinson, a. K. a. Hutch.Copy !req
1179. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan.Copy !req
1180. Dude, you're freaking me
out. How do you know this?Copy !req
1181. Because you have a
Rush shirt on, dipshit.Copy !req
1182. And because we have a dossier
on every single one of you.Copy !req
1183. No one move!Copy !req
1184. Get your hands off the glass table.Copy !req
1185. Hello, Mr. Lucas.Copy !req
1186. Shut up! Shut your mouths.Copy !req
1187. - Yes.
- I can hear his beard.Copy !req
1188. Yes. Shut up. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1189. I don't wanna say that it was a hole in my
security, but... How did you guys break in?Copy !req
1190. - I used a grappling hook...
- And we climbed...Copy !req
1191. - Was William Shatner involved with this?
- No. Not at all.Copy !req
1192. They said no. No. No
one was hurt. Not yet.Copy !req
1193. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1194. Okay. Very well.Copy !req
1195. Damn it. I've just been told that what
I said earlier I no longer believe.Copy !req
1196. Hmm?Copy !req
1197. Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly
flattered by what you have done here.Copy !req
1198. And I have been informed
that I feel the same way.Copy !req
1199. So the charges are gonna be dropped.Copy !req
1200. That is, of course, if you are...Copy !req
1201. what you appear to be.Copy !req
1202. Uh, what do we appear to be?Copy !req
1203. Fanboys. Something we can easily
determine with a simple quiz.Copy !req
1204. What is the name of the planet
that Leia gave Grand MoffTarkin...Copy !req
1205. as the false location of
the rebel base in Episode IV?Copy !req
1206. - Dantooine.
- What is the name of the gunner in Luke's snow speeder?Copy !req
1207. - Dak. - Where is a
woman's g-spot located?Copy !req
1208. - What?
- If you were to ask a woman to perform a Mississippi handbag...Copy !req
1209. where would your testicles end up?Copy !req
1210. That's not a Star Wars question.Copy !req
1211. I didn't say the nipples. I said
the little bumps around the nipples.Copy !req
1212. Yar... Arr...Copy !req
1213. That is not a Louisiana pile driver.Copy !req
1214. But you wouldn't know about
that, would you? Hmph. Virgin.Copy !req
1215. Virgin.Copy !req
1216. Areola borealis?Copy !req
1217. Near the-the, um, bumps?Copy !req
1218. That's what you do. You aim
for the eye, grab the lip...Copy !req
1219. lead her around the
room... blinding the marlin.Copy !req
1220. God, you're sexy and
well-versed. I like it.Copy !req
1221. Okay. Guards!Copy !req
1222. - Okay, that's it.
- That's what happens. Okay, I got it. All right.Copy !req
1223. - I'm good.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
1224. Congratulations. Mr. Lucas has
decided to drop the charges.Copy !req
1225. So, what? We're free to go, right?Copy !req
1226. Well, not exactly. He says
you can watch the film.Copy !req
1227. What? We can watch the movie?Copy !req
1228. Hold it. Hold it. Only you.Copy !req
1229. It's good, man. It's right.Copy !req
1230. Chewie.Copy !req
1231. - That's not bad.
- Thanks, man.Copy !req
1232. There's something I
need to... I should...Copy !req
1233. probably tell you before, uh...Copy !req
1234. Before I'm gone.Copy !req
1235. You could say it. I
won't hold it against you.Copy !req
1236. I just... I wish I could...Copy !req
1237. change these last three years, you know.Copy !req
1238. You know, I wouldn't want you to.Copy !req
1239. You gotta keep the flaws.Copy !req
1240. Crappy effects.Copy !req
1241. Real puppets.Copy !req
1242. That's what makes it so good, you know?Copy !req
1243. Yeah.Copy !req
1244. This was never about the movie.Copy !req
1245. You know, this was, uh...
this was about all of us.Copy !req
1246. Hey.Copy !req
1247. Look at us. We're together
again, freezing our nuts off.Copy !req
1248. No teaming upl That's a rulelCopy !req
1249. You're such dicks!Copy !req
1250. - Both of you are dicks!
- I'm gonna go save him.Copy !req
1251. - Please.
- You coming?Copy !req
1252. No, I'm good right here.Copy !req
1253. All right, man.Copy !req
1254. I'm good right here.Copy !req
1255. Guys, it's time.Copy !req
1256. That better be your lucky R2 poking me.Copy !req
1257. Nope. My penis.Copy !req
1258. You guys are gross.Copy !req
1259. Any, uh... Any sign of Hutch?Copy !req
1260. - Talk to me.
- It's me. Where the hell are you?Copy !req
1261. I'm just finishing up
at the garage here, man.Copy !req
1262. - Shake a leg, ya bastard. We're saving your place.
- All right.Copy !req
1263. Okay!Copy !req
1264. Yes! That's awesome. That's awesome.Copy !req
1265. - Hey!
- Hey! Oh, my God!Copy !req
1266. Right at the buzzer.Copy !req
1267. Yeah!Copy !req
1268. Excuse me. Are you Eric Bottler?Copy !req
1269. Yeah.Copy !req
1270. - We just got your new comic.
- Whoa.Copy !req
1271. - Thanks, guys. I appreciate that.
- I don't.Copy !req
1272. I think it's quite shoddy.Copy !req
1273. - Worst series ever.
- Total Lucas rip-off!Copy !req
1274. - The artwork is neophyte.
- At best.Copy !req
1275. - What's up, my nerds?
- Ah.Copy !req
1276. Why don't you ask the man for an
autograph? Ask the man for an autograph!Copy !req
1277. Do it!Copy !req
1278. " You are a douche bag.Copy !req
1279. Love, Eric Bottler. " Here you go.Copy !req
1280. All right, let's move it,
Boba Fags. End of the line.Copy !req
1281. - Move it! Let's go!
- Chaz, what the hell are you doing here, man?Copy !req
1282. Ah, come on, bro. It's the Wars.Copy !req
1283. I love that about you.Copy !req
1284. Look at you, C-3Penis Face.
How'd you pull that trim?Copy !req
1285. - Doctor.
- Oh!Copy !req
1286. - Smart man.
- Thank you, sir.Copy !req
1287. They're good. There you go.Copy !req
1288. - Hey, you guys. To Linus.
- Yeah, to Linus.Copy !req
1289. - Hey, you guys.
- What, man?Copy !req
1290. What if the movie sucks?Copy !req