1. And now, back to VH1 'sCopy !req
2. Salute to Singers
from the '90s.Copy !req
3. Today's installment,Copy !req
4. "Why they all needed
to turn every vowel
into the letter 'A."'Copy !req
5. It used to bayCopy !req
6. That you Ioved mayCopy !req
7. But now it's
nineteen-ninetayCopy !req
8. And I have to setCopy !req
9. you frayCopy !req
10. FrayCopy !req
11. The Ietter A
The A, the ACopy !req
12. The Ietter ACopy !req
13. Thank yay!Copy !req
14. Oh, no!
Not again!Copy !req
15. We're about to do Jedi,
aren't we?Copy !req
16. Let's just
get through this.Copy !req
17. Inform the commander
that Lord Vader's
shuttle has arrived.Copy !req
18. And also, we're missing
a bunch of snow shovels
from the storeroom.Copy !req
19. Does anyone know
anything about that?Copy !req
20. Uh . . . Snow shovels?
No. Haven't seen any.
No.Copy !req
21. Haven't heard about it.
No idea.
No.Copy !req
22. Oh, my God,
that was absolute hell!Copy !req
23. I just . . .
I don't understand why . . .Copy !req
24. I mean, we're in
a galaxy far, far away,Copy !req
25. and we still have to
change in Atlanta.Copy !req
26. Hi, Darth.
You got any bags,Copy !req
27. or did you leave
Mrs. Vader at home?Copy !req
28. It's you?
Are we already out
of our own characters?Copy !req
29. What?
How's the
construction going?Copy !req
30. Oh, fantabulously.Copy !req
31. Remember how last time
they skimmed along a trenchCopy !req
32. and then blew it up
by shooting through
a hole?Copy !req
33. Yeah.
Well, now
there's no trench.Copy !req
34. Great. Is there a hole?Copy !req
35. Yes.
What?Copy !req
36. There is.
Well, if I were you,
I'd repair that holeCopy !req
37. before the Emperor arrives.Copy !req
38. The Emperor
is coming here?Copy !req
39. Yeah. He loves this place.Copy !req
40. I was there when he
came up with the idea
for the Death Star.Copy !req
41. Hey . . . Hey, Darth? Darth?Copy !req
42. Yeah? What?Copy !req
43. That. That's what.Copy !req
44. What? It's a circle.Copy !req
45. It's a good circle,
I'll give you that.Copy !req
46. No. No, no.
Space station.Copy !req
47. What?Copy !req
48. Yep.
What?Copy !req
49. Yep, it is.
No way!Copy !req
50. It is. It is, big time.Copy !req
51. You sure
this is where we'll
find Captain Solo?Copy !req
52. Yep, this is it.Copy !req
53. Corner of Tatooine Way
and Martin Luther King
Boulevard.Copy !req
54. Hi, Artoo!
You wanna come play?Copy !req
55. Sure!Copy !req
56. Here I am on TatooineCopy !req
57. Jumping Double Dutch
like you never seenCopy !req
58. I know my way
around a ropeCopy !req
59. Help me, Obi-Wan
You're my only hopeCopy !req
60. Yes?Copy !req
61. Hi, we have a message
for Jabba the . . .Copy !req
62. No, Mister Jabba no home.Copy !req
63. Oh.Copy !req
64. Can we leave it with
someone, because . . .
No, no.Copy !req
65. Hey, look!
Jabba's cat escaped!Copy !req
66. I sure hope he doesn't
blame the help!Copy !req
67. Kitty! Kitty! Kitty,
kitty, kitty! Kitty!Copy !req
68. Oh, my God!Copy !req
69. Alec Baldwin?Copy !req
70. Wow.
There are all
kind of mannerCopy !req
71. of crazy monsters
in here.Copy !req
72. Yeah, and they
added even more for
the special edition.Copy !req
73. Hey, what are you guys
doing here?Copy !req
74. Artoo, play him
the message.Copy !req
75. Greetings, exalted one.
It's me, Luke Skywalker.Copy !req
76. I seek an audience
with Your SIimnessCopy !req
77. to bargain for
Captain Solo's life.Copy !req
78. As a token of my good will,
I present to you a gift,
these two droids.Copy !req
79. Wait a minute,
does he have the right
to give us away?Copy !req
80. He just stole us
from his dead uncle.Copy !req
81. . . . triple-dog-dare.Copy !req
82. Kid's tongue
stuck to a ass.Copy !req
83. Kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty . . .Copy !req
84. Sorry!Copy !req
85. Sorry. Been building up
for a while.Copy !req
86. Sorry.Copy !req
87. I'm sorry.Copy !req
88. I'm so sorry
about this.Copy !req
89. Sorry. There we are.Copy !req
90. I can't see!Copy !req
91. Just relax.Copy !req
92. You have
hibernation sickness,Copy !req
93. but your eyesight
will return in time.Copy !req
94. Where am I?Copy !req
95. Jabba's palace.Copy !req
96. Who are you?Copy !req
97. Someone who loves you.Copy !req
98. Whoa! You are smothering me,
and I need my space.Copy !req
99. Wait a minute,
who's that?
I know that laugh.Copy !req
100. It's the 7Up guy!Copy !req
101. It's not the 7Up guy.Copy !req
102. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
103. Hey, say,
"Crisp and clean,
no caffeine."Copy !req
104. Han? What are you
doing here?Copy !req
105. Chewie? Is that you?Copy !req
106. Yeah, it's me.
I got caught eating
out of Jabba's trash.Copy !req
107. Well, I guess
the good news isCopy !req
108. we're not being pushed
into a giant anus
in the desert.Copy !req
109. What's wrong
with your eyes?
I'm blind.Copy !req
110. It's part of the
hibernation sickness.
That and these lesions,Copy !req
111. and the fatigue
that I've been feeling,
and the persistent cough.Copy !req
112. You might, uh . . .
You might have
two things.Copy !req
113. How did he get in?Copy !req
114. I let him in.
What, was that not cool?Copy !req
115. Nice to see you, Jabba.Copy !req
116. Um . . . Leia, wow.Copy !req
117. I didn't get
raped. Okay?Copy !req
118. Okay.Copy !req
119. Okay?
Okay!Copy !req
120. I'm here to bargain
for Han Solo and the
rest of my friends.Copy !req
121. What's your price?Copy !req
122. Master Luke, be careful!
You're standing on . . .Copy !req
123. Threepio, please.
Whatever you have to sayCopy !req
124. cannot possibly be
as important as
this conversation.Copy !req
125. But you're standing
on a trap door,Copy !req
126. and if Jabba
pushes the button . . .Copy !req
127. Threepio,
what did I just say?Copy !req
128. But there's a trap door
right under your feet!Copy !req
129. There's a huge monster
down there, and if
Jabba hits the button,Copy !req
130. the trap door's gonna open,Copy !req
131. you're gonna fall down
into the dungeon belowCopy !req
132. and get eaten
by the monster!Copy !req
133. Threepio, please!
We're talking!Copy !req
134. Oh, my God!Copy !req
135. Rush Limbaugh!Copy !req
136. Limbaugh Rule Number One,Copy !req
137. no tax-dodging Jedis
in my pit!Copy !req
138. Religion is tax-exempt!
Jedi is a religion!Copy !req
139. Oh, Luke!Copy !req
140. Did you want me
to throw you
your lightsaber?Copy !req
141. Yeah, about 10 minutes ago!Copy !req
142. Just so you know,
the compartment I keep your
lightsaber in is my rectum.Copy !req
143. The mighty Jabba has
decreed that you are to be
thrown into the Sarlacc pit.Copy !req
144. There, you will
discover a new meaning
of pain and sufferingCopy !req
145. as you are
slowly digested
over 1,000 years.Copy !req
146. No sweat. I'm bringing
a box of All-Bran.Copy !req
147. I'll be sprayed
all over the desert
in a week.Copy !req
148. Right? Big lips on a stick
knows what I'm talking about.Copy !req
149. Ha! Fiber!Copy !req
150. Still alive!Copy !req
151. What's going on?Copy !req
152. We just got to
the Sarlacc pit.Copy !req
153. What's that?Copy !req
154. It's this disgusting,
horrible creatureCopy !req
155. that's worse than
anything you could
ever imagine.Copy !req
156. Victims of the almighty
Sarlacc!Copy !req
157. His Excellency hopes
that you will die
honorably.Copy !req
158. But, should any of you
wish to beg for mercy,Copy !req
159. the great Jabba the Hutt
will now listen to your
pleas.Copy !req
160. Please don't kill us!
We won't do it again,
honest!Copy !req
161. We'll be good, mister!
We was just fooling
around, is all!Copy !req
162. Jabba! This is
your last chance!Copy !req
163. Free us or die!Copy !req
164. Well?Copy !req
165. We're waiting.Copy !req
166. No!Copy !req
167. Han, look out!
Boba Fett is
right behind you!Copy !req
168. All right,
when I give the signal,
we get him!Copy !req
169. What happened?
He fell.Copy !req
170. Huh?
He fell.
Fell in the pit.Copy !req
171. Oh! Good.Copy !req
172. Yeah.Copy !req
173. Wait a minute!
What are you doing?
I thought you were blind!Copy !req
174. I am!Copy !req
175. It's okay, though.Copy !req
176. Just hang on!Copy !req
177. Gotcha!Copy !req
178. You want some
laser hair removal,
while I'm at it?Copy !req
179. No, thanks.
You sure?Copy !req
180. Come on, we gotta
get out of here!Copy !req
181. Hello?Copy !req
182. Okay, so I'm going to
the Dagobah system . . .Copy !req
183. You gotta speak up.Copy !req
184. I'm going to
the Dagobah system!Copy !req
185. I still can't hear you.Copy !req
186. I said I'm going . . .Copy !req
187. It's a machine!
I got you!Copy !req
188. You've reached Han Solo.
Please leave a message
after the blorp.Copy !req
189. Hey, we got any of those
Chips Ahoy! left?Copy !req
190. No, those are all gone.Copy !req
191. Well, now
nobody gets them.Copy !req
192. Sorry! Sorry!
Sorry! Sorry!Copy !req
193. Emperor!
Great to see you!Copy !req
194. Hey, this is Jeremy.
He's from . . .Copy !req
195. You know,
he's from the program,
and he wants to meet you.Copy !req
196. Well, hey, Jeremy!
How do you like
the Death Star so far?Copy !req
197. Good.
Awesome!Copy !req
198. You gotta come
back next year,
when it's done.Copy !req
199. Oh . . .
Okay, we're gonna
move on now.Copy !req
200. If you ever do
that to me again,
I swear to God . . .Copy !req
201. I know! I know!
Nobody told me.Copy !req
202. They kind of just
dropped him on me
at the last minute.Copy !req
203. I couldn't say no, man.Copy !req
204. So, I think
you'll be happy.Copy !req
205. The Death Star's
going to be completed
on schedule.Copy !req
206. Excellent.Copy !req
207. There is one thing,
though,Copy !req
208. and I'm sorry about this,
but your room's not ready
till 4:00.Copy !req
209. So feel free to use
our business center,Copy !req
210. or enjoy the pool.Copy !req
211. Stop it.
Knock it off.Copy !req
212. Cut it out. Stop it!Copy !req
213. I deserve to relax, too.Copy !req
214. Master Yoda,
I've come back to
complete the training.Copy !req
215. Oh, you're done.
There's no more training.Copy !req
216. Then I am a Jedi.Copy !req
217. No, not yet.
First you have to
confront Vader.Copy !req
218. Master Yoda,
is Darth Vader
my father?Copy !req
219. Yeah, it's either
Darth Vader
or Paul Reiser,Copy !req
220. but they don't want
to know which one
is your real father,Copy !req
221. so they're gonna
raise you together.Copy !req
222. Oh, my God!Copy !req
223. Yeah, and I got
some more bad news.Copy !req
224. I'm getting really old
and I'm not feeling so hot,Copy !req
225. and I think
I might die soon.Copy !req
226. Luke.Copy !req
227. Yeah?Copy !req
228. Do not underestimate
the powers of the Emperor.Copy !req
229. Luke.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
230. When gone am I,
the last of the Jedi
will you be.Copy !req
231. Luke.Copy !req
232. Right here.Copy !req
233. The Force runs strong
in your family.Copy !req
234. Luke!Copy !req
235. Haven't gone anywhere.Copy !req
236. Don't turn to
the dark side.Copy !req
237. Luke.
What's up?Copy !req
238. You fought Vader
too soon.Copy !req
239. Luke!Copy !req
240. Four inches away.Copy !req
241. There is
another Skywalker.Copy !req
242. Okay, see you.Copy !req
243. Master Yoda, no!Copy !req
244. Hi, Hammacher Schlemmer?
I'd like the wall-size
crossword puzzle.Copy !req
245. Why, yes, I do have
a credit card.Copy !req
246. Name is Yoda . . .Copy !req
247. Parseghian?Copy !req
248. I can't believe
Master Yoda's dead.Copy !req
249. Yoda will always
be with you, Luke.Copy !req
250. A ghost!Copy !req
251. Obi-Wan!
Why didn't you tell me
Vader was my father?Copy !req
252. Why didn't you tell me
you got a new hand?Copy !req
253. Let's take that thing
out for a test drive.Copy !req
254. But if Vader's my father,Copy !req
255. does that mean
I'm vulnerable
to the dark side?Copy !req
256. Seriously, put your hand
like you're gonna pull
a carrot out of the ground.Copy !req
257. Obi-Wan,
Yoda said there's
another Skywalker.Copy !req
258. There is, Luke.
You have a sister.Copy !req
259. A sister?
Who is it?Copy !req
260. Who the hell
you think it is?Copy !req
261. Who's the only
goddamn woman
in the galaxy?Copy !req
262. Leia!Copy !req
263. Hey, just for giggles,Copy !req
264. you wanna poop
in Yoda's tiny toilet,Copy !req
265. pretend he took
a giant poop?Copy !req
266. Me first!Copy !req
267. I'd like to thank you all
for meeting me here, in
the lobby of the Mondrian.Copy !req
268. Hey, check it out,
it's another chick!Copy !req
269. The only other chick
in the galaxy.Copy !req
270. I don't like her.Copy !req
271. The Emperor has made
a critical error,Copy !req
272. and the time for
our attack has come.Copy !req
273. We've learned that
the new Death Star
is not yet operational.Copy !req
274. But, more importantly,Copy !req
275. that the Emperor himself
is overseeing this mission.Copy !req
276. Hey, you know what
I find hilarious?
Bothans.Copy !req
277. Many Bothans died
to bring us this
information.Copy !req
278. Ooh!Copy !req
279. Admiral Ackbar,
if you will?Copy !req
280. It's a trap!Copy !req
281. Just kidding.
We'll get there later.Copy !req
282. So, let's pretty much
just attack like we did
last time.Copy !req
283. Sound good?
No need to fix what
ain't broke, right?Copy !req
284. Yeah, we did this already.
That's what's so fucked up.Copy !req
285. General Solo will take
a stolen Imperial shuttleCopy !req
286. and knock out
the shield generator on
the fourth moon of Endor,Copy !req
287. while General Calrissian
has volunteeredCopy !req
288. to lead the squadron
to destroy the Death Star.Copy !req
289. I didn't actually
volunteer.Copy !req
290. Everybody clear?Copy !req
291. Am I the only one
with a gold star
on their uniform?Copy !req
292. It's just for
record-keeping.Copy !req
293. Okay! Let's go
for it, people!Copy !req
294. Hey, is there anything
I can do to help?Copy !req
295. Luke!Copy !req
296. What is it?Copy !req
297. Ask me again sometime.Copy !req
298. What?Copy !req
299. I know
something about you!Copy !req
300. Tell me.
No.Copy !req
301. Come on, Luke! Tell me!
Nope!Copy !req
302. Well, for God's sakes,
tell me something
about somebody!Copy !req
303. Okay. Han runs
an online employment
website on the side.Copy !req
304. Economy got you down?
Stressed out? Worried
about your future?Copy !req
305. Sounds like
you need a Han job.Copy !req
306. I'm Han Solo,
and I have jobs
for everyone.Copy !req
307. Come by and apply
for your Han job,Copy !req
308. and I'll get you
off and running.Copy !req
309. Other websites
jerk you aroundCopy !req
310. and don't finish
what they start.Copy !req
311. But with HANJOBS.ORG,Copy !req
312. we'll have you
shooting for the stars!Copy !req
313. But keep it down,
my neighbors don't know
what's going on in here.Copy !req
314. All right, now remember,
Lando, don't get a single
scratch on the Falcon, okay?Copy !req
315. Look, will you relax?
I already said
I'll be careful.Copy !req
316. Well, just
make sure you are.Copy !req
317. That ship's gotten me
laid a bunch of times.Copy !req
318. Hey, hey, hey, girls!
Anyone want to make
the Kessel Run?Copy !req
319. That'd be cool,
but we only got
12 parsecs.Copy !req
320. Hop in.Copy !req
321. Threepio, why are you
wearing a coat and tie?Copy !req
322. Some people
still treat flying
as an occasion.Copy !req
323. What's the matter?Copy !req
324. Oh, nothing.Copy !req
325. I just got a funny
feeling I'm never
gonna see her again.Copy !req
326. Who, the Falcon?Copy !req
327. No, Elizabeth Hurley.
I just . . .Copy !req
328. I just think
she's done.Copy !req
329. Hey! It's me!
Can I come in?Copy !req
330. Shit.Copy !req
331. Hey, I just wanted to
let you . . .Copy !req
332. Oh, boy. What's that?Copy !req
333. I was just
ironing my robe,Copy !req
334. taking a look around.
What's up?Copy !req
335. Well I just wanted to let
you know there's a rebel
fleet massing at Sullust,Copy !req
336. and I think
they're going to
invade or something.Copy !req
337. You made sure there wasn't
a hole in the Death Star
this time?Copy !req
338. Yeah, like I'm gonna
do that twice!Copy !req
339. You . . .
Shut up, mister!
Gosh almighty!Copy !req
340. But, you know,
it might be something
to be concerned about.Copy !req
341. It's of no concern!
The rebellion will
soon be crushed,Copy !req
342. and young Skywalker
will be one of us.Copy !req
343. We're still doing
that initiation thing
we talked about, right?Copy !req
344. Oh, yeah!
Where you rub your
wang on a fruit saladCopy !req
345. and we watch him eat it?
You bet!Copy !req
346. You ate the
whole thing,
remember?Copy !req
347. Yeah, most of it.Copy !req
348. All right,
this is it.Copy !req
349. Shuttle Tyderium
requesting deactivation
of the deflector shield.Copy !req
350. Shuttle Tyderium,
transmit the clearance
code for shield passage.Copy !req
351. Transmission commencing.Copy !req
352. Now we find out
if that code is worth
the price we paid.Copy !req
353. Vader's on that ship.Copy !req
354. Don't get jittery, Luke.
There's a lot of
command ships.Copy !req
355. Keep your distance,
though, Chewie.Copy !req
356. But don't look like
you're trying to
keep your distance.Copy !req
357. How am I supposed
to do that?Copy !req
358. I don't know, fly casual!Copy !req
359. Does that
casual-looking shuttle
have a code clearance?Copy !req
360. Well, it's an
older code, sir.Copy !req
361. But it checks out.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
362. Skywalker's on that ship.Copy !req
363. You can sense him?Copy !req
364. No, he's right there.Copy !req
365. They're not going
for it, Chewie.Copy !req
366. Everybody, they're
not going for it.
This is failing.Copy !req
367. Luke, take this gun.
You shoot me,
I'll shoot you.Copy !req
368. Shuttle Tyderium, the shield
has been deactivated.Copy !req
369. You are cleared
to approach.Copy !req
370. Well,
there you go, gang!
False alarm!Copy !req
371. Oh.Copy !req
372. False alarm?Copy !req
373. All right,
somebody? Anybody?Copy !req
374. Do not let me leave here
without maple syrup.Copy !req
375. How are we
gonna get past?Copy !req
376. All right, there's
only a few of them.Copy !req
377. Chewie and I'll take
care of those guys,
you stay here.Copy !req
378. Oh! Ladybug.Copy !req
379. Oh! I love this song!Copy !req
380. Hey!Copy !req
381. Over there!
Two more of them!Copy !req
382. I see them.
Wait! Leia!Copy !req
383. My bike!Copy !req
384. Where's my bike?Copy !req
385. Move closer!
Get alongside that one!Copy !req
386. Oh! Can you play
the theme from E. T.,
John Williams?Copy !req
387. No, but I can do the theme
to Entertainment Tonight.Copy !req
388. Celebrating birthdays today,Copy !req
389. IG-88 turns 27,Copy !req
390. Lando Calrissian is 42,Copy !req
391. and "I Don't Like You,
Either" Guy is 63.Copy !req
392. Keep on that one!
I'll take these two!Copy !req
393. Destroy the
planet Alderaan.Copy !req
394. You know, I think
I've finally done it.Copy !req
395. I think I've gotten
over the loss of my
home planet, Alderaan.Copy !req
396. I've finally moved on.Copy !req
397. Ow! Oh! My side!Copy !req
398. General Solo,
somebody's coming!Copy !req
399. Luke, there you are!
Where's Leia?
Have you seen her?Copy !req
400. She didn't come back?Copy !req
401. She probably decided
to make like one of
these trees and leave.Copy !req
402. Where
did you get that?Copy !req
403. I don't know.
I stepped on it earlier.Copy !req
404. It was just here
in the woods.Copy !req
405. Been having
a lot of fun with it.Copy !req
406. That's funny,Copy !req
407. because my friend lost
his horn on the forest
moon of Endor last year.Copy !req
408. It's not his.Copy !req
409. Hey, cut it out.
Do not move!Copy !req
410. Or I will stab you
with my very sharp spear.Copy !req
411. Look, put that down.
I'm not going to
hurt you.Copy !req
412. You are my enemy,
and I want you
off my planet.Copy !req
413. Want a piece
of cracker?Copy !req
414. I will do anything you say!Copy !req
415. By the way, I think
you're about to start
your period.Copy !req
416. That's how
I found you.Copy !req
417. Hey, hi. Me again.Copy !req
418. Hey, good news.
The Death Star T-shirts
finally arrived.Copy !req
419. Oh! Sweet!Copy !req
420. Oh, come on.Copy !req
421. "Death Stab"?Copy !req
422. Oh, for God's sake,
Christie.Copy !req
423. Why don't you
fire that girl?Copy !req
424. She's actually,
believe it or not,
better than the last one.Copy !req
425. I thought I told you to
wait on the command ship.Copy !req
426. Yes, well, the thing is,
a small rebel force has
landed on the forest moon,Copy !req
427. and my son is with them.Copy !req
428. Kurt?
No, Luke.Copy !req
429. I thought Kurt
was your son.Copy !req
430. No, no, Kurt was
just a guy I was hanging
around with for a while.Copy !req
431. That wasn't my son.Copy !req
432. What do you mean?Copy !req
433. I mean,
he was younger, but he
wasn't that much younger.Copy !req
434. No, what do you mean,
"hanging around with"?Copy !req
435. Oh, it's not . . .
Just a dude, you know?Copy !req
436. Just some guy to,
like, play ball with,Copy !req
437. and go to the movies,
crash into real hard
in the hallway.Copy !req
438. You know, just guy stuff.
You know, just a bro,
you know?Copy !req
439. Someone you can read
the Sunday paper or
share an orange with.Copy !req
440. Honestly, Darth,
I have no fucking idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
441. Well,
I don't know what
you want me to . . .Copy !req
442. Look, just go down
to the moon and
wait for your son.Copy !req
443. I have foreseen that
his compassion for youCopy !req
444. will be his undoing.
Got it. On my way.Copy !req
445. No more of
this Kurt shit.
Yeah.Copy !req
446. Leia! Leia!Copy !req
447. Han, come over here.Copy !req
448. I found this.Copy !req
449. I suck.Copy !req
450. Hey, maybe we get
out of the woods
before nightfall,Copy !req
451. on account of
the ghosts and all.Copy !req
452. Hey, guys,
look over there!Copy !req
453. It's a hot girl
from Florida.Copy !req
454. No, Chewie, don't!
If you talk to her,
you have to talk to her mom!Copy !req
455. I see you've
met my daughter.Copy !req
456. You know, we were just
mistaken for sisters
over at the bar.Copy !req
457. Chewie, get away from . . .Copy !req
458. How are we going
to get out of here?Copy !req
459. Wait a second, guys.
I got an idea.Copy !req
460. Remember that laser
I used to break Leia
out of Jabba's handcuffs?Copy !req
461. Well, here comes
a little tiny saw!Copy !req
462. Whoa! What the hell
are these? Hamsters?Copy !req
463. Oh, my God,
they're adorable!Copy !req
464. Gold Guy. Gold Guy.
Gold Guy.Copy !req
465. What are they doing?Copy !req
466. I'm not sure.Copy !req
467. They seem to think
I'm some sort of god.Copy !req
468. And they seem to
think I'm Sum 41.Copy !req
469. All the small things...Copy !req
470. That's Blink-182.Copy !req
471. Sum 41 is the band
that married Avril Lavigne.Copy !req
472. Oh . . . Huh!Copy !req
473. Seems like everybody
would turn out a loser
in that situation.Copy !req
474. Everybody did.Copy !req
475. Threepio, tell them
to let us go.Copy !req
476. What the hell am I
supposed to say?Copy !req
477. Tell them if they
don't let us go,Copy !req
478. you'll become angry
and use your magic.Copy !req
479. Yeah, I'll get
right on that.Copy !req
480. It's not working!Copy !req
481. Is this your card?Copy !req
482. Luke! Han!
Leia!Copy !req
483. Who braided your hair?Copy !req
484. Did the Ewoks
braid your hair?Copy !req
485. Yeah.Copy !req
486. So, they use spears
with wooden shafts
and stone-carved tips,Copy !req
487. yet they clearly
understand the finer
points of cosmetology?Copy !req
488. I know, it's not
as good as Empire.Copy !req
489. . . . born and raised . . .Copy !req
490. . . . most of my days . . .Copy !req
491. . . .'maxing,
relaxing all cool . . .Copy !req
492. . . .b-ball . . .Copy !req
493. . . .no good . . .Copy !req
494. . . . trouble . . . neighborhood . . .Copy !req
495. . . .One little fight . . .Copy !req
496. . . . scared . . .Copy !req
497. . . . auntie and uncle
in Bel Air.Copy !req
498. . . . DJ Jazzy Jeff homeless.Copy !req
499. Luke, are you okay?Copy !req
500. Leia, I've got
something kind of
messed up to tell you.Copy !req
501. You're my sister.Copy !req
502. I know.Copy !req
503. Somehow, I've
always known.Copy !req
504. You have?Copy !req
505. Did you know when you
kissed me on Hoth?Copy !req
506. Yeah.
Well, that's pretty weird!Copy !req
507. I'm from Alderaan.
It's kind of the
Mississippi of the galaxy.Copy !req
508. Speaking of which,
ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Darth Twitty.Copy !req
509. He put his arms
around her shoulderCopy !req
510. And with a voice
that sounded olderCopy !req
511. He said "Mom, I got
something on my mind"Copy !req
512. Imperial shuttle
requesting permissionCopy !req
513. to land like
a dainty butterfly.Copy !req
514. Permission granted.Copy !req
515. Nice. That was nice.Copy !req
516. Hey, Son.Copy !req
517. Hey, Dad. Haven't
seen you in a while.Copy !req
518. Yeah, I know.
Sorry about that.Copy !req
519. But I got you
a new baseball.Copy !req
520. Good. Our first
catch of the day.Copy !req
521. Hey, go wait
in the AT-AT.Copy !req
522. Now listen, since your
mom's out of town and I
have you for the weekend,Copy !req
523. I thought
it would be funCopy !req
524. if the Emperor and I
turned you over to the
dark side of the Force.Copy !req
525. Daddy, if I may,
I'd like to throw out
another option.Copy !req
526. I sense
the good in you.Copy !req
527. Hang out with me
on the lighter side
of the Force.Copy !req
528. That's something.Copy !req
529. All right, so what do
you say? You want to
go see the Emperor?Copy !req
530. I don't know.
Can we have tacos?Copy !req
531. No, Friday is taco night.Copy !req
532. Oh, darn.Copy !req
533. But today is Friday!
Yep!Copy !req
534. Gotcha! Oh, my God,
we're going to have
so much fun.Copy !req
535. All right. Stand by
to jump to lightspeed.Copy !req
536. When we arrive at Endor,
we will destroy
the Death StarCopy !req
537. and then begin setting up
the Ewok reassignment camps.Copy !req
538. I hate that
stupid fish man.Copy !req
539. I say when we're
done with this,Copy !req
540. we go over there
and fry him up
in a skillet.Copy !req
541. All right,
here goes nothing.Copy !req
542. I'm going
to sneak up
on that guy.Copy !req
543. Hey!
Gotcha!Copy !req
544. Okay, you got me.Copy !req
545. Hey, wait, you got
something there.Copy !req
546. Oh, my God!
I can't believe
I fell for that.Copy !req
547. I know. Now, excuse me,
I have to make out
with my girlfriend.Copy !req
548. Oh! Sorry!
I'll leave you two alone.Copy !req
549. Nah, it's just me
by myself!Copy !req
550. Oh, my God!
That's so cool!Copy !req
551. Hey, take your helmet off.
I'll do "got your nose."Copy !req
552. we're not supposed
to take these oFF,Copy !req
553. but I really want
to see that.Copy !req
554. What the hell?
Your head is so small!Copy !req
555. Yeah, that's why we wear
these big helmets. It's
a lot more intimidating.Copy !req
556. I'll be honest with you.
I don't like people
who are different.Copy !req
557. Hey, hey!
Look who I brought!Copy !req
558. Welcome,
young Skywalker.
Thank you.Copy !req
559. Not you!
I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
560. I thought
you should know,
young Skywalker,Copy !req
561. that your friends are
walking into a trap.Copy !req
562. Wow. You're white?
You totally sounded
black on the phone.Copy !req
563. Silence! You will
turn to the dark side,Copy !req
564. and your
precious rebellion
will be destroyed.Copy !req
565. Oh!Copy !req
566. I'm afraid
the shield generator
will be quite operationalCopy !req
567. when your friends arrive.Copy !req
568. Jeez, you don't have
to be a dick about it.Copy !req
569. All right, everybody,
hands in the air!Copy !req
570. All right. Now I want you
to take off your helmets,
go outsideCopy !req
571. and dig your own
graves with them.Copy !req
572. Han, that's
kind of dark.Copy !req
573. Shut up! There's enough
cutesy crap in this movie.
I think we all need this.Copy !req
574. Now get outside!Copy !req
575. I have a family!
Faster!Copy !req
576. I just do data entry!Copy !req
577. All right.
You, kill him.
What?Copy !req
578. Kill him.
Take this knife and
stab him in the mouth.Copy !req
579. No, please!Copy !req
580. Shut up! And after he's dead,
cut off his face and wear it
as your face.Copy !req
581. Please!
I've had it up to
here with Ewoks.Copy !req
582. Now, stab him
and wear his face!Copy !req
583. And then go home
to his family still
wearing his face,Copy !req
584. and see how long it
takes them to figure out
that it's you and not him.Copy !req
585. Hold it right there!Copy !req
586. You rebel scum.Copy !req
587. Wow. What a voice!
Do you mind reading
this for me?Copy !req
588. "Paging Mr. Herman,
Mr. Pee-wee Herman."Copy !req
589. I found my bike!Copy !req
590. What do you mean,
we can't get any reading
on the shield?Copy !req
591. Man, only thing
I'm reading is
Cat in the Hat.Copy !req
592. Damn cat! That hat
looks ridiculous!Copy !req
593. Emperor, we've
got enemy ships
in sector 47.Copy !req
594. It's a trap!
It's a trap!Copy !req
595. Also, whose cat?Copy !req
596. Someone get your cat.Copy !req
597. Fighters coming in!Copy !req
598. Lando to Enterprise!
Draw their fire away
from the cruisers!Copy !req
599. We're having tea,
thank you very much.Copy !req
600. Yes, tea.Copy !req
601. Listen, you guys,
this is all a crazy
misunderstanding.Copy !req
602. You think this
is gonna work?Copy !req
603. Oh, yeah. Those Ewoks
had all of five minutes
to get things prepared.Copy !req
604. I'm sure it's all
gonna work out fine.Copy !req
605. This armor's useless!
why do we even wear it?Copy !req
606. Look out! Here comes
a squadron of PIE fighters!Copy !req
607. Look at that, huh?Copy !req
608. Look at the crappy job
your friends are doing.Copy !req
609. And here's something
that's gonna piss you
off even more.Copy !req
610. Fire at will!Copy !req
611. Gee, Dr. Smith,
this doesn't seem like
a very safe place to be.Copy !req
612. William!Copy !req
613. Okay,
now fire at
everybody else.Copy !req
614. Holy shit!
That blast came
from the Death Star!Copy !req
615. That thing's operational!Copy !req
616. What's that mean?Copy !req
617. It's fully functional!Copy !req
618. I still don't
get it. I'm 5.Copy !req
619. Bang, bang, boom, boom!Copy !req
620. Bang, bang, boom, boom?
Damn, that thing's
operational!Copy !req
621. Look at that!
Blowing up rebel ships!
Bet that gets you going.Copy !req
622. You hate me now?Copy !req
623. Come on. Take that
lightsaber and try
to strike me down,Copy !req
624. and your journey
toward the dark side
will be complete.Copy !req
625. I've seen a lot of
ships get blown up.
It's no big deal.Copy !req
626. Yeah, I guess that
wouldn't get under
my skin, either.Copy !req
627. Not the way Seth Green
gets under my skin.Copy !req
628. Huh?Copy !req
629. Yeah. Boy, that guy
rubs me the wrong way.Copy !req
630. I mean, has he ever made
anything successful?Copy !req
631. Greg the Bunny,
Four Kings, and that
godawful puppet show.Copy !req
632. It's on, like,
channel 100
or something.Copy !req
633. Well, I think he's
had some successes.Copy !req
634. BuFFy the Vampire SIayer
was popular.Copy !req
635. It was not popular.Copy !req
636. Entertainment weekly
said it was popular,
but it wasn't.Copy !req
637. Hardly anybody ever
watched that show.Copy !req
638. Yeah, I never caught it.Copy !req
639. Well, he's been
in some big movies.Copy !req
640. The Austin Powers
movies grossed, like,
a billion dollars.Copy !req
641. What, because of Seth Green?
Do you ever hear anyone say,Copy !req
642. "Hey, let's go see
that new Austin Powers,
Seth Green's in it"?Copy !req
643. You're not getting
to me, man.Copy !req
644. You're talking
about an actor who
I happen to enjoy.Copy !req
645. Well, I certainly
enjoyed him in Entourage,Copy !req
646. 'cause in that show,
he was playing himself,Copy !req
647. an asshole.Copy !req
648. Oh! Sorry.
This is my joke lightsaber.
It's cute, right?Copy !req
649. Okay, for real now.Copy !req
650. Mess aroundCopy !req
651. They doing
the mess aroundCopy !req
652. Everybody doing
the mess aroundCopy !req
653. Join us, Luke.
Turn to the back
side of the Force.Copy !req
654. What?
The dark side.
Turn to the . . .Copy !req
655. To the . . .Copy !req
656. Long day.Copy !req
657. I will not
fight you, Father.Copy !req
658. Then you will
meet your destiny.Copy !req
659. Oh, my God!
Are you okay?Copy !req
660. Oh, my God!
I meant to hit you
in the shoulder,Copy !req
661. and that whole thing
just fell!Copy !req
662. Did you see that?
What?Copy !req
663. That whole thing
just fell.
How?Copy !req
664. I don't know.
He was up there like,Copy !req
665. "I can't do this,"
I threw the thing,Copy !req
666. and I just meant to
hit him in the arm,Copy !req
667. and then the
whole thing fell.Copy !req
668. Well, that's good, right?
We want him hurt.Copy !req
669. Are you using
your brain?Copy !req
670. We're lucky if we
come out of this
without a lawsuit.Copy !req
671. Ow!Copy !req
672. Freeze!Copy !req
673. Okay, now you're
in a Iaundromat,Copy !req
674. and there's only one
available machine,Copy !req
675. and you're fighting
over it. Go!Copy !req
676. Oh, God! It looks like
all these machines
are taken.Copy !req
677. Oh, drat!
And me with all my
soiled underthings.Copy !req
678. If anyone asks,
I shot him.
Got that?Copy !req
679. You were crying
in the corner.Copy !req
680. Holy crap.
Stay back.Copy !req
681. Hey, bitches!
I just killed, like,
50 stormtroopers.Copy !req
682. That thing
is really cool!Copy !req
683. Damn right it is!Copy !req
684. See that squirrel
over there?Copy !req
685. Hi, little squirrel.Copy !req
686. Ooh!Copy !req
687. Hey, why don't you
blast open this door,
and then we can . . .Copy !req
688. Hey, a butterfly!Copy !req
689. Look at those
beautiful wings
flapping.Copy !req
690. But here comes ka-slice!Copy !req
691. Hey, speedy
little hummingbird.Copy !req
692. You're so fast,
aren't you?Copy !req
693. Oh, but are you
as fast as this?Copy !req
694. Whoa! What do we have here?
A fully formed beehive!Copy !req
695. Must have taken months
to build that guy.Copy !req
696. Well, guess what?Copy !req
697. Oh, God!Copy !req
698. Oh, my God!Copy !req
699. Should we help him?Copy !req
700. Eh.Copy !req
701. I think . . .Copy !req
702. I think . . .Copy !req
703. Give yourself to
the dark side, Luke.Copy !req
704. I will
not fight you.Copy !req
705. Well, all right.
I guess that's no problem.Copy !req
706. I can always get
Seth Green to fight me.Copy !req
707. He'll do anything
for money.Copy !req
708. I mean, did you
see Sex Drive?Copy !req
709. Oh, of course you didn't.
You're a person.Copy !req
710. Of course, I guess it did
respectable foreign numbers.Copy !req
711. Asians really liked it.Copy !req
712. And you gotta hand it
to Seth Green.Copy !req
713. I mean, he works hard,
you know?Copy !req
714. I mean, the work is
much harder when you know
the project is no good.Copy !req
715. Still, all those
small paychecks
must add up.Copy !req
716. I wonder if his
fan base knows how
Jewish he really is.Copy !req
717. Hey, you got a good
hand guy, right?Copy !req
718. Good. Good!Copy !req
719. Your hate has
made you powerful.Copy !req
720. Now, fulfill
your destinyCopy !req
721. and take your
father's place
at my side.Copy !req
722. Can we at least
put together
a press releaseCopy !req
723. that says I'm resigning
of my own accord to pursue
other evil projects?Copy !req
724. I'll never join
the dark side.Copy !req
725. You failed,
Your Highness.Copy !req
726. I'm a Jedi, like
my father before me.Copy !req
727. All right, let's everybody
just calm the fuck down.Copy !req
728. Move! Run!Copy !req
729. The shield is down.
Commence attack on the
Death Star's main reactor.Copy !req
730. The shield may be down,
but they've gone into
glitter-ball mode.Copy !req
731. If you will not be turned,
you will be destroyed.Copy !req
732. Oh, yeah?
You and what
lightning hands?Copy !req
733. Oh! Now you've done it.Copy !req
734. Yeah! I'm a bad guy!Copy !req
735. Yeah! Yeah!
How about that, huh?Copy !req
736. Look at that!
Look what I can do!Copy !req
737. Yeah! Out the butthole!Copy !req
738. Father, please!Copy !req
739. "Please"! You know what?
You have nice manners.Copy !req
740. I'm so delighted that
Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen
took the timeCopy !req
741. to teach you
nice manners.Copy !req
742. And just for that,
I'm going to
help you out here.Copy !req
743. That's the power
of "please," kids.Copy !req
744. Luke, help me
get this mask off.Copy !req
745. Let me look on you
with my own eyes,Copy !req
746. father to son.Copy !req
747. Ahhh! Oh, no!Copy !req
748. He's dead because of
what the Emperor didCopy !req
749. a while ago!Copy !req
750. I better
take his body!Copy !req
751. Just 'cause.Copy !req
752. Okay, Wedge, take out
the power station.Copy !req
753. Some like it hot
And some sweat
when the heat is onCopy !req
754. Some feel the heat
and decide...Copy !req
755. Thank you.Copy !req
756. Hey, Leia, you got a date for
the We Just Killed Thousands
of People Dance tonight?Copy !req
757. No.Copy !req
758. You do now.
Pick you up at 7:00.Copy !req
759. And save Yub Nub for me.Copy !req
760. Come to think of it,
you can shave your
yub nub for me, too!Copy !req
761. I'll see you at 7:00.Copy !req
762. What the hell, man?
I was gonna make it!Copy !req
763. Thanks for
watching over me
and keeping me safe.Copy !req
764. Fuck you!
You murdered me,
you ass.Copy !req
765. The end.Copy !req
766. And that's the final chapter
in the Star Wars saga.Copy !req
767. What about
the prequels?Copy !req
768. I think The CIeveland Show
is gonna do those.Copy !req
769. Dad, one question.
What do you got
against Seth Green?Copy !req
770. I just think he's a douche.
You got a problem with that?Copy !req
771. Well, we're all
entitled to our
own opinion.Copy !req
772. For example, me,
I think Seth MacFarlane
is a douche.Copy !req
773. What's that, now?
Yeah, I don't
like him, either.Copy !req
774. Yeah, me neither.Copy !req
775. Wait a second.
I hear he's
a pretty nice guy.Copy !req
776. Yeah, good-looking guy.
Talented, young . . .Copy !req
777. Talented?
He ripped off
The Simpsons.Copy !req
778. Yeah, he watched TV
in the '80s. We get it.Copy !req
779. And he only puts out, like,
ten new episode a year.Copy !req
780. And then
he splits those up
into five DVD sets.Copy !req
781. He doesn't make
those decisions, Chris.Copy !req
782. Those decisions are made
at the corporate level.Copy !req
783. But he still takes
the money every week.
How noble.Copy !req
784. And doesn't he have
a whole staff that writes
those episodes anyway?Copy !req
785. Well, I wouldn't
know about that,Copy !req
786. but I think,
and I hope, Chris,Copy !req
787. that ultimately,
people will just
remember the laughter.Copy !req
788. ENGLISH - US - PSDHCopy !req