1. And now, back to VH1'sCopy !req
2. Salute to Singers From the '90s.Copy !req
3. Today's installment, "Why they all needed
to turn every vowel into the letter 'A."Copy !req
4. It used to bayCopy !req
5. That you loved mayCopy !req
6. But now it's nineteen-ninetayCopy !req
7. And I have to setCopy !req
8. you FrayCopy !req
9. frayCopy !req
10. The letter A
The A, the ACopy !req
11. The letter ACopy !req
12. Thank yay!Copy !req
13. - Oh, no!
- Not again!Copy !req
14. We're about to do Jedi, aren't we?Copy !req
15. Let's just get through this.Copy !req
16. lnform the commander
that Lord Vader's shuttle has arrived.Copy !req
17. And also, we're missing a bunch
of snow shovels From the storeroom.Copy !req
18. Does anyone know anything about that?Copy !req
19. - Uh... Snow shovels? No. Haven't seen any.
- No.Copy !req
20. - Haven't heard about it. No idea.
- No.Copy !req
21. Oh, my God, that was absolute hell!Copy !req
22. I just... I don't understand why...Copy !req
23. I mean, we're in a galaxy Far, Far away,Copy !req
24. and we still have to change in Atlanta.Copy !req
25. Hi, Darth. You got any bags,
or did you leave Mrs. Vader at home?Copy !req
26. It's you?
Are we already out of our own characters?Copy !req
27. - What?
- How's the construction going?Copy !req
28. Oh, Fantabulously.Copy !req
29. Remember how last time
they skimmed along a trenchCopy !req
30. and then blew it up
by shooting through a hole?Copy !req
31. - Yeah.
- Well, now there's no trench.Copy !req
32. Great. Is there a hole?Copy !req
33. - Yes.
- What?Copy !req
34. - There is.
- Well, if I were you, I'd repair that holeCopy !req
35. - before the Emperor arrives.
- The Emperor is coming here?Copy !req
36. Yeah. He loves this place.Copy !req
37. I was there when he came up
with the idea For the Death Star.Copy !req
38. - Hey... Hey, Darth? Darth?
- Yeah? What?Copy !req
39. That. That's what.Copy !req
40. What? It's a circle.Copy !req
41. It's a good circle, I'll give you that.Copy !req
42. - No. No, no. Space station.
- What?Copy !req
43. - Yep.
- What?Copy !req
44. - Yep, it is.
- No way!Copy !req
45. It is. It is, big time.Copy !req
46. You sure this is
where we'll Find Captain Solo?Copy !req
47. Yep, this is it. Corner of Tatooine Way
and Martin Luther King Boulevard.Copy !req
48. - Hi, Artoo! You wanna come play?
- Sure!Copy !req
49. Here lam on ratooineCopy !req
50. Jumping Double Dutch like you never seenCopy !req
51. I know my way around a ropeCopy !req
52. Help me, Obi-Wan
You're my only hopeCopy !req
53. - Yes?
- Hi, we have a message For Jabba the...Copy !req
54. No, Mister Jabba no home.Copy !req
55. Oh.Copy !req
56. - Can we leave it with someone, because...
- No, no.Copy !req
57. Hey, look! Jabba's cat escaped!Copy !req
58. I sure hope he doesn't blame the help!Copy !req
59. Kitty! Kitty! Kitty, kitty, kitty! Kitty!Copy !req
60. Oh, my God!Copy !req
61. Alec Baldwin?Copy !req
62. Wow. There are all kind of
manner of crazy monsters in here.Copy !req
63. Yeah, and they added even more
For the special edition.Copy !req
64. Hey, what are you guys doing here?Copy !req
65. Artoo, play him the message.Copy !req
66. Greetings, exalted one.
it's me, Luke Skywalker.Copy !req
67. I seek an audience with Your Slimness
to bargain For Captain Solo's life.Copy !req
68. As a token of my good will,
I present to you a gift, these two droids.Copy !req
69. Wait a minute,
does he have the right to give us away?Copy !req
70. He just stole us From his dead uncle.Copy !req
71. triple-dog-dare.Copy !req
72. Kid's tongue stuck to a ass.Copy !req
73. Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...Copy !req
74. Sorry!Copy !req
75. Sorry. Been building up For a while.Copy !req
76. Sorry.Copy !req
77. I'm sorry.Copy !req
78. I'm so sorry about this.Copy !req
79. Sorry. There we are.Copy !req
80. - I can't see!
- Just relax.Copy !req
81. You have hibernation sickness,
but your eyesight will return in time.Copy !req
82. - Where am I?
- Jabba's palace.Copy !req
83. Who are you?Copy !req
84. Someone who loves you.Copy !req
85. Whoa! You are smothering me,
and I need my space.Copy !req
86. Wait a minute, who's that?
I know that laugh.Copy !req
87. It's the 7Up guy!Copy !req
88. - It's not the 7Up guy.
- Yeah, it is.Copy !req
89. Hey, say, "Crisp and clean, no caffeine."Copy !req
90. - Han? What are you doing here?
- Chewie? Is that you?Copy !req
91. Yeah, it's me.
I got caught eating out of Jabba's trash.Copy !req
92. Well, I guess the good news isCopy !req
93. we're not being pushed
into a giant anus in the desert.Copy !req
94. - What's wrong with your eyes?
- I'm blind.Copy !req
95. It's part of the hibernation sickness.
That and these lesions,Copy !req
96. and the Fatigue that I've been Feeling,
and the persistent cough.Copy !req
97. You might, uh...
You might have two things.Copy !req
98. How did he get in?Copy !req
99. I let him in. What, was that not cool?Copy !req
100. Nice to see you, Jabba.Copy !req
101. Um... Leia, wow.Copy !req
102. - I didn't get raped. Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
103. - Okay?
- Okay!Copy !req
104. I'm here to bargain For Han Solo
and the rest of my Friends.Copy !req
105. What's your price?Copy !req
106. Master Luke, be careful!
You're standing on...Copy !req
107. Threepio, please.
Whatever you have to sayCopy !req
108. cannot possibly be as important
as this conversation.Copy !req
109. But you're standing on a trap door,
and if Jabba pushes the button...Copy !req
110. Threepio, what did I just say?Copy !req
111. But there's a trap door
right under your Feet!Copy !req
112. There's a huge monster down there,
and if Jabba hits the button,Copy !req
113. the trap door's gonna open,Copy !req
114. you're gonna fall down
into the dungeon belowCopy !req
115. - and get eaten by the monster!
- Threepio, please! We're talking!Copy !req
116. Oh, my God!Copy !req
117. Rush Limbaugh!Copy !req
118. Limbaugh Rule Number One,Copy !req
119. no tax-dodging Jedis in my pit!Copy !req
120. Religion is tax-exempt! Jedi is a religion!Copy !req
121. Oh, Luke! Did you want me
to throw you your lightsaber?Copy !req
122. Yeah, about 10 minutes ago!Copy !req
123. Just so you know, the compartment
I keep your lightsaber in is my rectum.Copy !req
124. The mighty Jabba has decreed that
you are to be thrown into the Sarlacc pit.Copy !req
125. There, you will discover a new meaning
of pain and sufferingCopy !req
126. as you are slowly digested
over 1,000 years.Copy !req
127. No sweat. I'm bringing a box of All-Bran.Copy !req
128. I'll be sprayed all over the desert
in a week.Copy !req
129. Right? Big lips on a stick knows
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
130. Ha! Fiber!Copy !req
131. Still alive!Copy !req
132. - What's going on?
- We just got to the Sarlacc pit.Copy !req
133. - What's that?
- It's this disgusting, horrible creatureCopy !req
134. that's worse than
anything you could ever imagine.Copy !req
135. Victims of the almighty Sarlacc!Copy !req
136. His Excellency hopes
that you will die honorably.Copy !req
137. But, should any of you wish
to beg for mercy,Copy !req
138. the great Jabba the Hutt
will now listen to your pleas.Copy !req
139. Please don't kill us!
We won't do it again, honest!Copy !req
140. We'll be good, mister!
We was just fooling around, is all!Copy !req
141. Jabba! This is your last chance!Copy !req
142. Free us or die!Copy !req
143. Well?Copy !req
144. We're waiting.Copy !req
145. No!Copy !req
146. Han, look out!
Boba Fett is right behind you!Copy !req
147. All right, when I give the signal,
we get him!Copy !req
148. - What happened?
- He Fell.Copy !req
149. - Huh?
- He Fell. Fell in the pit.Copy !req
150. - Oh! Good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
151. Wait a minute! What are you doing?
I thought you were blind!Copy !req
152. I am!Copy !req
153. It's okay, though.Copy !req
154. Just hang on!Copy !req
155. Gotcha!Copy !req
156. You want some laser hair removal,
while I'm at it?Copy !req
157. - No, thanks.
- You sure?Copy !req
158. Come on, we gotta get out of here!Copy !req
159. PETER; Hello?Copy !req
160. Okay, so I'm going
to the Dagobah system...Copy !req
161. - You gotta speak up.
- I'm going to the Dagobah system!Copy !req
162. I still can't hear you.Copy !req
163. - I said I'm going...
- It's a machine! I got you!Copy !req
164. You've reached Han Solo.
Please leave a message after the blorp.Copy !req
165. Hey, we got any of those Chips Ahoy! left?Copy !req
166. No, those are all gone.Copy !req
167. Well, now nobody gets them.Copy !req
168. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!Copy !req
169. Emperor! Great to see you!Copy !req
170. Hey, this is Jeremy. He's from...Copy !req
171. You know, he's from the program,
and he wants to meet you.Copy !req
172. Well, hey, Jeremy!
How do you like the Death Star so far?Copy !req
173. - Good.
- Awesome!Copy !req
174. You gotta come back next year,
when it's done.Copy !req
175. Oh...
Okay, we're gonna move on now.Copy !req
176. if you ever do that to me again,
I swear to God...Copy !req
177. I know! I know! Nobody told me.Copy !req
178. They kind of just dropped him on me
at the last minute. I couldn't say no, man.Copy !req
179. So, I think you'll be happy.Copy !req
180. The Death Star's going to be completed
on schedule.Copy !req
181. - Excellent.
- There is one thing, though,Copy !req
182. and I'm sorry about this,
but your room's not ready till 4:00.Copy !req
183. So feel free to use our business center,Copy !req
184. or enioy the pool.Copy !req
185. Stop it. Knock it off.Copy !req
186. Cut it out. Stop it!Copy !req
187. I deserve to relax, too.Copy !req
188. Master Yoda, I've come back
to complete the training.Copy !req
189. Oh, you're done. There's no more training.Copy !req
190. Then I am a Jedi.Copy !req
191. No, not yet.
First you have to confront Vader.Copy !req
192. Master Yoda, is Darth Vader my father?Copy !req
193. Yeah, it's either Darth Vader
or Paul Reiser,Copy !req
194. but they don't want to know
which one is your real father,Copy !req
195. so they're gonna raise you together.Copy !req
196. - Oh, my God!
- Yeah, and I got some more bad news.Copy !req
197. I'm getting really old
and I'm not feeling so hot,Copy !req
198. and I think I might die soon.Copy !req
199. - Luke.
- Yeah?Copy !req
200. Do not underestimate
the powers of the Emperor.Copy !req
201. - Luke.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
202. When gone am I,
the last of the Jedi will you be.Copy !req
203. - Luke.
- Right here.Copy !req
204. The force runs strong in your family.Copy !req
205. - Luke!
- Haven't gone anywhere.Copy !req
206. Don't turn to the dark side.Copy !req
207. - Luke.
- What's up?Copy !req
208. You Fought Vader too soon.Copy !req
209. - Luke!
- Four inches away.Copy !req
210. There is another Skywalker.Copy !req
211. Okay, see you.Copy !req
212. Master Yoda, no!Copy !req
213. Hi, Hammacher Schlemmer?
I'd like the wall-size crossword puzzle.Copy !req
214. Why, yes, I do have a credit card.
Name is Yoda...Copy !req
215. Parseghian?Copy !req
216. I can't believe Master Yoda's dead.Copy !req
217. Yoda will always be with you, Luke.Copy !req
218. A ghost!Copy !req
219. Obi-Wan! Why didn't you tell me
Vader was my father?Copy !req
220. Why didn't you tell me
you got a new hand?Copy !req
221. Let's take that thing out for a test drive.Copy !req
222. But if Vader's my father,Copy !req
223. does that mean
I'm vulnerable to the dark side?Copy !req
224. Seriously, put your hand like you're gonna
pull a carrot out of the ground.Copy !req
225. Obi-Wan, Yoda said
there's another Skywalker.Copy !req
226. There is, Luke. You have a sister.Copy !req
227. A sister? Who is it?Copy !req
228. Who the hell you think it is?Copy !req
229. Who's the only goddamn woman
in the galaxy?Copy !req
230. Leia!Copy !req
231. Hey, just for giggles,Copy !req
232. you wanna poop in Yoda's tiny toilet,
pretend he took a giant poop?Copy !req
233. Me first!Copy !req
234. I'd like to thank you all for meeting me
here, in the lobby of the Mondrian.Copy !req
235. Hey, check it out, it's another chick!
The only other chick in the galaxy.Copy !req
236. I don't like her.Copy !req
237. The Emperor has made a critical error,
and the time for our attack has come.Copy !req
238. We've learned that the new Death Star
is not yet operational.Copy !req
239. But, more importantly,Copy !req
240. that the Emperor himself
is overseeing this mission.Copy !req
241. Hey, you know what I find hilarious?
Bothans.Copy !req
242. Many Bothans died
to bring us this information.Copy !req
243. Ooh!Copy !req
244. Admiral Ackbar, if you will?Copy !req
245. It's a trap!Copy !req
246. Just kidding.
We'll get there later.Copy !req
247. So, let's pretty much
just attack like we did last time.Copy !req
248. Sound good?
No need to fix what ain't broke, right?Copy !req
249. Yeah, we did this already.
That's what's so fucked up.Copy !req
250. General Solo will take
a stolen Imperial shuttleCopy !req
251. and knock out the shield generator
on the fourth moon of Endor,Copy !req
252. while General Calrissian has volunteeredCopy !req
253. to lead the squadron
to destroy the Death Star.Copy !req
254. - I didn't actually volunteer.
- Everybody clear?Copy !req
255. Am I the only one
with a gold star on their uniform?Copy !req
256. It's just for record-keeping.
Okay! Let's go for it, people!Copy !req
257. Hey, is there anything I can do to help?Copy !req
258. Luke!Copy !req
259. - What is it?
- Ask me again sometime.Copy !req
260. - What?
- I know something about you!Copy !req
261. - Tell me.
- No.Copy !req
262. - Come on, Luke! Tell me!
- Nope!Copy !req
263. Well, for God's sakes,
tell me something about somebody!Copy !req
264. Okay. Han runs an online
employment website on the side.Copy !req
265. Economy got you down? Stressed out?
Worried about your future?Copy !req
266. Sounds like you need a Han job.Copy !req
267. I'm Han Solo,
and I have jobs For everyone.Copy !req
268. Come by and apply for your Han job,
and I'll get you off and running.Copy !req
269. Other websites ierk you around
and don't finish what they start.Copy !req
270. But with HANJOBS.ORG,
we'll have you shooting For the stars!Copy !req
271. But keep it down, my neighbors
don't know what's going on in here.Copy !req
272. All right, now remember, Lando, don't get
a single scratch on the falcon, okay?Copy !req
273. Look, will you relax?
I already said I'll be careful.Copy !req
274. Well, just make sure you are. That ship's
gotten me laid a bunch of times.Copy !req
275. Hey, hey, hey, girls!
Anyone want to make the Kessel Run?Copy !req
276. That'd be cool, but we only got 12 parsecs.Copy !req
277. Hop in.Copy !req
278. Threepio, why are you wearing
a coat and tie?Copy !req
279. Some people still treat flying
as an occasion.Copy !req
280. - What's the matter?
- Oh, nothing.Copy !req
281. I just got a funny feeling
I'm never gonna see her again.Copy !req
282. - Who, the falcon?
- No, Elizabeth Hurley. I just...Copy !req
283. I just think she's done.Copy !req
284. - Hey! It's me! Can I come in?
- Shit.Copy !req
285. Hey, I just wanted to let you...Copy !req
286. - Oh, boy. What's that?
- I was just ironing my robe,Copy !req
287. taking a look around. What's up?Copy !req
288. Well I just wanted to let you know
there's a rebel fleet massing at Sullust,Copy !req
289. and I think
they're going to invade or something.Copy !req
290. You made sure there wasn't a hole
in the Death Star this time?Copy !req
291. Yeah, like I'm gonna do that twice!Copy !req
292. You... Shut up, mister!
Gosh almighty!Copy !req
293. But, you know, it might be something
to be concerned about.Copy !req
294. It's of no concern!
The rebellion will soon be crushed,Copy !req
295. and young Skywalker will be one of us.Copy !req
296. We're still doing that initiation thing
we talked about, right?Copy !req
297. - Oh, yeah!
- Where you rub your wang on a fruit saladCopy !req
298. - and we watch him eat it?
- You bet!Copy !req
299. - You ate the whole thing, remember?
- Yeah, most of it.Copy !req
300. All right, this is it.Copy !req
301. Shuttle ryderium requesting
deactivation of the deflector shield.Copy !req
302. Shuttle ryderium, transmit
the clearance code for shield passage.Copy !req
303. Transmission commencing.Copy !req
304. Now we find out if that code
is worth the price we paid.Copy !req
305. Vader's on that ship.Copy !req
306. Don't get jittery, Luke.
There's a lot of command ships.Copy !req
307. Keep your distance, though, Chewie.Copy !req
308. But don't look
like you're trying to keep your distance.Copy !req
309. - How am I supposed to do that?
- I don't know, fly casual!Copy !req
310. Does that casual-looking shuttle
have a code clearance?Copy !req
311. Well, it's an older code, sir.Copy !req
312. - But it checks out.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
313. - Skywalker's on that ship.
- You can sense him?Copy !req
314. No, he's right there.Copy !req
315. They're not going for it, Chewie.Copy !req
316. Everybody, they're not going for it.
This is failing.Copy !req
317. Luke, take this gun.
You shoot me, I'll shoot you.Copy !req
318. Shuttle
Tyderium. The shield has been deactivated.Copy !req
319. You are cleared to approach.Copy !req
320. Well, there you go, gang!
False alarm!Copy !req
321. Oh.Copy !req
322. False alarm?Copy !req
323. All right, somebody? Anybody?Copy !req
324. Do not let me leave here
without maple syrup.Copy !req
325. - How are we gonna get past?
- All right, there's only a few of them.Copy !req
326. Chewie and I'll take care of those guys,
you stay here.Copy !req
327. Oh! Ladybug.Copy !req
328. Oh! I love this song!Copy !req
329. Hey!Copy !req
330. Over there! Two more of them!Copy !req
331. I see them. Wait! Leia!Copy !req
332. My bike!Copy !req
333. Where's my bike?Copy !req
334. Move closer! Get alongside that one!Copy !req
335. Oh! Can you play the theme from E.T.,
John Williams?Copy !req
336. No, but I can do the theme
to Entertainment Tonight.Copy !req
337. Celebrating birthdays today,Copy !req
338. lG-88 turns 27,Copy !req
339. Lando Calrissian is 42,Copy !req
340. and "I Don't Like You, Either" Guy is 63.Copy !req
341. Keep on that one! I'll take these two!Copy !req
342. Destroy the planet Alderaan.Copy !req
343. You know, I think I've finally done it.Copy !req
344. I think I've gotten over the loss
of my home planet, Alderaan.Copy !req
345. I've finally moved on.Copy !req
346. Ow! Oh! My side!Copy !req
347. General Solo, somebody's coming!Copy !req
348. Luke, there you are!
Where's Leia? Have you seen her?Copy !req
349. She didn't come back?Copy !req
350. She probably decided to make
like one of these trees and leave.Copy !req
351. Where did you get that?Copy !req
352. I don't know. I stepped on it earlier.
It was just here in the woods.Copy !req
353. Been having a lot of fun with it.Copy !req
354. That's funny,Copy !req
355. because my friend lost his horn
on the forest moon of Endor last year.Copy !req
356. It's not his.Copy !req
357. - Hey, cut it out.
- Do not move!Copy !req
358. Or I will stab you
with my very sharp spear.Copy !req
359. Look, put that down.
I'm not going to hurt you.Copy !req
360. You are my enemy,
and I want you off my planet.Copy !req
361. - Want a piece of cracker?
- I will do anything you say!Copy !req
362. By the way, I think
you're about to start your period.Copy !req
363. That's how I Found you.Copy !req
364. Hey, hi. Me again.Copy !req
365. Hey, good news.
The Death Star T-shirts finally arrived.Copy !req
366. Oh! Sweet!Copy !req
367. Oh, come on.Copy !req
368. "Death Stab"?Copy !req
369. Oh, for God's sake, Christie.Copy !req
370. Why don't you fire that girl?Copy !req
371. She's actually, believe it or not,
better than the last one.Copy !req
372. I thought I told you
to wait on the command ship.Copy !req
373. Yes, well, the thing is, a small rebel force
has landed on the forest moon,Copy !req
374. and my son is with them.Copy !req
375. - Kurt?
- No, Luke.Copy !req
376. I thought Kurt was your son.Copy !req
377. No, no, Kurt was just a guy
I was hanging around with for a while.Copy !req
378. - That wasn't my son.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
379. I mean, he was younger,
but he wasn't that much younger.Copy !req
380. No, what do you mean,
"hanging around with"?Copy !req
381. Oh, it's not... Just a dude, you know?Copy !req
382. Just some guy to, like, play ball with,Copy !req
383. and go to the movies, crash into real hard
in the hallway.Copy !req
384. You know, just guy stuff.
You know, just a bro, you know?Copy !req
385. Someone you can read
the Sunday paper or share an orange with.Copy !req
386. Honestly, Darth, I have no fucking idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
387. Well, I don't know
what you want me to...Copy !req
388. Look, just go down to the moon
and wait for your son.Copy !req
389. I have foreseen
that his compassion for youCopy !req
390. - will be his undoing.
- Got it. On my way.Copy !req
391. - No more of this Kurt shit.
- Yeah.Copy !req
392. Leia! Leia!Copy !req
393. Han, come over here.Copy !req
394. I Found this.Copy !req
395. I suck.Copy !req
396. Hey, maybe we get out of the woods
before nightfall,Copy !req
397. on account of the ghosts and all.Copy !req
398. Hey, guys, look over there!Copy !req
399. It's a hot girl from florida.Copy !req
400. No, Chewie, don't! If you talk to her,
you have to talk to her mom!Copy !req
401. I see you've met my daughter.Copy !req
402. You know, we were just mistaken
for sisters over at the bar.Copy !req
403. Chewie, get away from...Copy !req
404. How are we going to get out of here?Copy !req
405. Wait a second, guys. I got an idea.Copy !req
406. Remember that laser I used
to break Leia out of Jabba's handcuffs?Copy !req
407. Well, here comes a little tiny saw!Copy !req
408. Whoa! What the hell are these? Hamsters?Copy !req
409. Oh, my God, they're adorable!Copy !req
410. Gold Guy. Gold Guy. Gold Guy.Copy !req
411. Gold Guy. Gold Guy. Gold Guy.Copy !req
412. - What are they doing?
- I'm not sure.Copy !req
413. They seem to think I'm some sort of god.Copy !req
414. And they seem to think I'm Sum 41.Copy !req
415. All the small things...Copy !req
416. That's Blink-182.Copy !req
417. Sum 41 is the band
that married Avril Lavigne.Copy !req
418. Oh... Huh!Copy !req
419. Seems like everybody
would turn out a loser in that situation.Copy !req
420. Everybody did.Copy !req
421. Threepio, tell them to let us go.Copy !req
422. What the hell am I supposed to say?Copy !req
423. Tell them if they don't let us go,
you'll become angry and use your magic.Copy !req
424. Yeah, I'll get right on that.Copy !req
425. It's not working!Copy !req
426. Is this your card?Copy !req
427. - Luke! Han!
- Leia!Copy !req
428. Who braided your hair?Copy !req
429. - Did the Ewoks braid your hair?
- Yeah.Copy !req
430. So, they use spears with wooden shafts
and stone-carved tips,Copy !req
431. yet they clearly understand
the Finer points of cosmetology?Copy !req
432. I know, it's not as good as Empire.Copy !req
433. born and raised...Copy !req
434. most of my days...Copy !req
435. 'maxing, relaxing all cool...Copy !req
436. b-ball...Copy !req
437. no good...Copy !req
438. trouble... neighborhood...Copy !req
439. One little fight...Copy !req
440. scared...Copy !req
441. auntie and uncle in Bel Air.Copy !req
442. DJ Jazzy Jeff homeless.Copy !req
443. Luke, are you okay?Copy !req
444. Leia, I've got something kind of messed up
to tell you.Copy !req
445. You're my sister.Copy !req
446. I know.Copy !req
447. - Somehow, I've always known.
- You have?Copy !req
448. Did you know
when you kissed me on Hoth?Copy !req
449. - Yeah.
- Well, that's pretty weird!Copy !req
450. I'm from Alderaan.
It's kind of the Mississippi of the galaxy.Copy !req
451. Speaking of which,
Iadies and gentlemen, Mr. Darth Twitty.Copy !req
452. He put his arms around her shoulderCopy !req
453. And with a voice that sounded olderCopy !req
454. He said
"Mom, I got something on my mind"Copy !req
455. Imperial shuttle
requesting permissionCopy !req
456. to land like a dainty butter fly.Copy !req
457. Permission granted.Copy !req
458. Mice. That was nice.Copy !req
459. - Hey, Son.
- Hey, Dad. Haven't seen you in a while.Copy !req
460. Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.Copy !req
461. But I got you a new baseball.Copy !req
462. Good. Our first catch of the day.Copy !req
463. Hey, go wait in the AT-AT.Copy !req
464. Now listen, since your mom's out of town
and I have you for the weekend,Copy !req
465. I thought it would be funCopy !req
466. if the Emperor and I turned you over
to the dark side of the force.Copy !req
467. Daddy, if I may,
I'd like to throw out another option.Copy !req
468. I sense the good in you.Copy !req
469. Hang out with me
on the lighter side of the Force.Copy !req
470. That's something.Copy !req
471. All right, so what do you say?
You want to go see the Emperor?Copy !req
472. I don't know. Can we have tacos?Copy !req
473. No, Friday is taco night.Copy !req
474. Oh, darn.Copy !req
475. - But today is friday!
- Yep!Copy !req
476. Gotcha! Oh, my God,
we're going to have so much Fun.Copy !req
477. All right. Stand by to iump to lightspeed.Copy !req
478. When we arrive at Endor,
we will destroy the Death StarCopy !req
479. and then begin setting up
the Ewok reassignment camps.Copy !req
480. I hate that stupid fish man.Copy !req
481. I say when we're done with this, we go
over there and fry him up in a skillet.Copy !req
482. All right, here goes nothing.
I'm going to sneak up on that guy.Copy !req
483. - Hey!
- Gotcha!Copy !req
484. Okay, you got me.Copy !req
485. Hey, wait, you got something there.Copy !req
486. Oh, my God! I can't believe I fell for that.Copy !req
487. I know. Now, excuse me,
I have to make out with my girlfriend.Copy !req
488. Oh! Sorry! I'll leave you two alone.Copy !req
489. - Nah, it's just me by myself!
- Oh, my God! That's so cool!Copy !req
490. Hey, take your helmet off.
I'll do "got your nose."Copy !req
491. We're not supposed to take these off,
but I really want to see that.Copy !req
492. What the hell? Your head is so small!Copy !req
493. Yeah, that's why we wear these big
helmets. It's a lot more intimidating.Copy !req
494. I'll be honest with you.
I don't like people who are different.Copy !req
495. Hey, hey! Look who I brought!Copy !req
496. - Welcome, young Skywalker.
- Thank you.Copy !req
497. - Not you!
- I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
498. I thought you should know,
young Skywalker,Copy !req
499. that your friends are walking into a trap.Copy !req
500. Wow. You're white?
You totally sounded black on the phone.Copy !req
501. Silence! You will turn to the dark side,Copy !req
502. and your precious rebellion
will be destroyed.Copy !req
503. Oh!Copy !req
504. I'm afraid the shield
generator will be quite operationalCopy !req
505. when your friends arrive.Copy !req
506. Jeez, you don't have to be a dick about it.Copy !req
507. All right, everybody, hands in the air!Copy !req
508. All right. Now I want you to take off
your helmets, go outsideCopy !req
509. and dig your own graves with them.Copy !req
510. Han, that's kind of dark.Copy !req
511. Shut up! There's enough cutesy crap
in this movie. I think we all need this.Copy !req
512. Now get outside!Copy !req
513. - I have a Family!
- Faster!Copy !req
514. I just do data entry!Copy !req
515. - All right. You, kill him.
- What?Copy !req
516. Kill him.
Take this knife and stab him in the mouth.Copy !req
517. No, please!Copy !req
518. Shut up! And after he's dead,
cut off his face and wear it as your face.Copy !req
519. - Please!
- I've had it up to here with Ewoks.Copy !req
520. Now, stab him and wear his face!Copy !req
521. And then go home to his family
still wearing his face,Copy !req
522. and see how long it takes them
to figure out that it's you and not him.Copy !req
523. Hold it right there!Copy !req
524. You rebel scum.Copy !req
525. Wow. What a voice!
Do you mind reading this For me?Copy !req
526. "Paging Mr. Herman,
Mr. Pee-wee Herman."Copy !req
527. I Found my bike!Copy !req
528. What do you mean,
we can't get any reading on the shield?Copy !req
529. Man, only thing I'm reading
is Cat in the Hat.Copy !req
530. Damn cat! That hat looks ridiculous!Copy !req
531. Admiral, we've got enemy ships
in sector 47.Copy !req
532. It's a trap! It's a trap!Copy !req
533. Also, whose cat?Copy !req
534. Someone get your cat.Copy !req
535. Fighters coming in!Copy !req
536. Lando to Enterprisel Draw their fire
away from the cruisers!Copy !req
537. We're having tea, thank you very much.Copy !req
538. Yes, tea.Copy !req
539. Listen, you guys,
this is all a crazy misunderstanding.Copy !req
540. You think this is gonna work?Copy !req
541. Oh, yeah. Those Ewoks had all of
five minutes to get things prepared.Copy !req
542. I'm sure it's all gonna work out fine.Copy !req
543. This armor's useless!
Why do we even wear it?Copy !req
544. Look out!
Here comes a squadron of PIE Fighters!Copy !req
545. Look at that, huh?Copy !req
546. Look at the crappy job
your friends are doing.Copy !req
547. And here's something
that's gonna piss you off even more.Copy !req
548. Fire at will!Copy !req
549. Gee, Dr. Smith, this doesn't seem
like a very safe place to be.Copy !req
550. William!Copy !req
551. Okay, now fire at everybody else.Copy !req
552. Holy shit!
That blast came From the Death Star!Copy !req
553. - That thing's operational!
- What's that mean?Copy !req
554. - It's fully functional!
- I still don't get it. I'm 5.Copy !req
555. Bang, bang, boom, boom!Copy !req
556. Bang, bang, boom, boom?
Damn, that thing's operational!Copy !req
557. Look at that! Blowing up rebel ships!
Bet that gets you going.Copy !req
558. You hate me now?Copy !req
559. Come on. Take that lightsaber
and try to strike me down,Copy !req
560. and your iourney toward the dark side
will be complete.Copy !req
561. I've seen a lot of ships get blown up.
It's no big deal.Copy !req
562. Yeah, I guess that wouldn't get
under my skin, either.Copy !req
563. Not the way Seth Green
gets under my skin.Copy !req
564. Huh?Copy !req
565. Yeah. Boy, that guy rubs me
the wrong way.Copy !req
566. I mean,
has he ever made anything successful?Copy !req
567. Greg the Bunny, four Kings,
and that godawful puppet show.Copy !req
568. It's on, like, channel 100 or something.Copy !req
569. Well, I think he's had some successes.
Buffy the Vampire Slayerwas popular.Copy !req
570. it was not popular. Entertainment Weekly
said it was popular, but it wasn't.Copy !req
571. - Hardly anybody ever watched that show.
- Yeah, I never caught it.Copy !req
572. Well, he's been in some big movies.Copy !req
573. The Austin Powers movies grossed,
like, a billion dollars.Copy !req
574. What, because of Seth Green?
Do you ever hear anyone say,Copy !req
575. "Hey, let's go see that new Austin Powers,
Seth Green's in it"?Copy !req
576. You're not getting to me, man.Copy !req
577. You're talking about an actor
who I happen to enjoy.Copy !req
578. Well, I certainly enioyed him in Entourage,Copy !req
579. 'cause in that show,
he was playing himself,Copy !req
580. an asshole.Copy !req
581. Oh! Sorry.
This is my joke lightsaber. It's cute, right?Copy !req
582. Okay, For real now.Copy !req
583. Mess aroundCopy !req
584. They doing the mess aroundCopy !req
585. They doing the mess aroundCopy !req
586. Everybody doing the mess aroundCopy !req
587. Join us, Luke.
Turn to the back side of the force.Copy !req
588. - What?
- The dark side. Turn to the...Copy !req
589. To the...Copy !req
590. Long day.Copy !req
591. I will not fight you, father.Copy !req
592. Then you will meet your destiny.Copy !req
593. Oh, my God! Are you okay?Copy !req
594. Oh, my God!
I meant to hit you in the shoulder,Copy !req
595. and that whole thing just fell!Copy !req
596. - Did you see that?
- What?Copy !req
597. - That whole thing just fell.
- How?Copy !req
598. I don't know. He was up there like,
"I can't do this," I threw the thing,Copy !req
599. and I just meant to hit him in the arm,
and then the whole thing fell.Copy !req
600. Well, that's good, right?
We want him hurt.Copy !req
601. Are you using your brain?Copy !req
602. We're lucky if we come out of this
without a lawsuit.Copy !req
603. Ow!Copy !req
604. Freeze!Copy !req
605. Okay, now you're in a laundromat,
and there's only one available machine,Copy !req
606. and you're fighting over it. Go!Copy !req
607. Oh, God!
It looks like all these machines are taken.Copy !req
608. Oh, drat!
And me with all my soiled underthings.Copy !req
609. if anyone asks, I shot him. Got that?
You were crying in the corner.Copy !req
610. Holy crap. Stay back.Copy !req
611. Hey, bitches!
I just killed, like, 50 stormtroopers.Copy !req
612. - That thing is really cool!
- Damn right it is!Copy !req
613. See that squirrel over there?Copy !req
614. Hi, little squirrel.Copy !req
615. Ooh!Copy !req
616. Hey, why don't you blast open this door,
and then we can...Copy !req
617. Hey, a butterfly!
Look at those beautiful wings flapping.Copy !req
618. But here comes ka-slice!Copy !req
619. Hey, speedy little hummingbird.
You're so fast, aren't you?Copy !req
620. Oh, but are you as fast as this?Copy !req
621. Whoa! What do we have here?
A fully formed beehive!Copy !req
622. Must have taken months to build that guy.
Well, guess what?Copy !req
623. Oh, God!Copy !req
624. Oh, my God!Copy !req
625. Should we help him?Copy !req
626. Eh.Copy !req
627. I think...Copy !req
628. I think...Copy !req
629. I think...Copy !req
630. Give yourself to the dark side, Luke.Copy !req
631. I will not fight you.Copy !req
632. Well, all right. I guess that's no problem.Copy !req
633. I can always get Seth Green to fight me.Copy !req
634. He'll do anything for money.Copy !req
635. I mean, did you see SexDriye?Copy !req
636. Oh, of course you didn't.
You're a person.Copy !req
637. Of course, I guess it did
respectable foreign numbers.Copy !req
638. Asians really liked it.Copy !req
639. And you gotta hand it to Seth Green.
I mean, he works hard, you know?Copy !req
640. I mean, the work is much harder
when you know the project is no good.Copy !req
641. Still, all those small paychecks
must add up.Copy !req
642. I wonder if his fan base knows
how Jewish he really is.Copy !req
643. Hey, you got a good hand guy, right?Copy !req
644. Good. Good!Copy !req
645. Your hate has made you powerful.Copy !req
646. Now, fulfill your destinyCopy !req
647. and take your father's place at my side.Copy !req
648. Can we at least put together
a press releaseCopy !req
649. that says I'm resigning of my own accord
to pursue other evil projects?Copy !req
650. I'll never ioin the dark side.Copy !req
651. You Failed, Your Highness.Copy !req
652. I'm a Jedi, like my father before me.Copy !req
653. All right, let's everybody
just calm the fuck down.Copy !req
654. Move! Run!Copy !req
655. The shield is down. Commence attack
on the Death Star's main reactor.Copy !req
656. The shield may be down,
but they've gone into glitter-ball mode.Copy !req
657. if you will not be turned,
you will be destroyed.Copy !req
658. Oh, yeah? You and what lightning hands?Copy !req
659. Oh! Now you've done it.Copy !req
660. Yeah! I'm a bad guy!Copy !req
661. Yeah! Yeah! How about that, huh?Copy !req
662. Look at that! Look what I can do!Copy !req
663. Yeah! Out the butthole!Copy !req
664. father, please!Copy !req
665. "Please"! You know what?
You have nice manners.Copy !req
666. I'm so delighted that Aunt Beru
and Uncle Owen took the timeCopy !req
667. to teach you nice manners.Copy !req
668. And just for that,
I'm going to help you out here.Copy !req
669. That's the power of "please," kids.Copy !req
670. Luke, help me get this mask off.Copy !req
671. Let me look on you with my own eyes,Copy !req
672. Father to son.Copy !req
673. Ahhh! Oh, no! He's dead
because of what the Emperor didCopy !req
674. a while ago!Copy !req
675. I better take his body!Copy !req
676. Just 'cause.Copy !req
677. Okay, Wedge, take out the power station.Copy !req
678. Some like it hot
And some sweat when the heat is onCopy !req
679. Some feel the heat and decide...Copy !req
680. Thank you.Copy !req
681. Hey, Leia, you got a date for the We Just
Killed Thousands of People Dance tonight?Copy !req
682. - No.
- You do now. Pick you up at 7:00.Copy !req
683. And save Yub Nub for me.Copy !req
684. Come to think of it, you can shave
your yub nub for me, too!Copy !req
685. I'll see you at 7:00.Copy !req
686. What the hell, man? I was gonna make it!Copy !req
687. Thanks for watching over me
and keeping me safe.Copy !req
688. Fuck you! You murdered me, you ass.Copy !req
689. The end.Copy !req
690. And that's the final chapter
in the Star Wars saga.Copy !req
691. What about the prequels?Copy !req
692. I think The Cleveland Show
is gonna do those.Copy !req
693. Dad, one question.
What do you got against Seth Green?Copy !req
694. I just think he's a douche.
You got a problem with that?Copy !req
695. Well, we're all entitled to our own opinion.Copy !req
696. For example, me,
I think Seth Macfarlane is a douche.Copy !req
697. - What's that, now?
- Yeah, I don't like him, either.Copy !req
698. Yeah, me neither.Copy !req
699. Wait a second.
I hear he's a pretty nice guy.Copy !req
700. Yeah, good-looking guy. Talented, young...Copy !req
701. Talented? He ripped off The Simpsons.Copy !req
702. Yeah, he watched TV in the '80s. We get it.Copy !req
703. And he only puts out, like,
ten new episode a year.Copy !req
704. And then he splits those up
into five DVD sets.Copy !req
705. He doesn't make those decisions, Chris.Copy !req
706. Those decisions are made
at the corporate level.Copy !req
707. But he still takes the money every week.
How noble.Copy !req
708. And doesn't he have a whole staff
that writes those episodes anyway?Copy !req
709. Well, I wouldn't know about that,
but I think, and I hope, Chris,Copy !req
710. that ultimately,
people will just remember the laughter.Copy !req