1. We now return
to Sunday Golf on CBS.
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2. And Nicholson
here, trying to save par,
and there's Nicholson's wife.
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3. God, is she hot.
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4. Look at that rack.
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5. There's a downhill
lie for you.
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6. They're just
out there begging to be
touched. Pleading.
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7. How many golf balls
do you think she can
fit in her mouth?
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8. I'd hit that
one in the rough, if you know
what I'm saying.
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9. Who are you kidding, Greg?
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10. You'd pork her for a week
and then get tired of her.
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11. Yeah, you're right.
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12. That's what I do.
That's my thing.
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13. But a hell of a week,
though.
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14. Hell of a week.
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15. Oh, my God,
the power's out.
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16. What are we
gonna do now?
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17. Well, we could
light some candles
and read.
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18. Yeah, right.
Yeah, that'd be great.
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19. Yeah, read the inside
of my butt.
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20. We could tell stories.
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21. Hey, Dad, why don't you
tell the story about
when I was born?
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22. Yeah, we got halfway home
with the afterbirth,
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23. before we had to go
back to the hospital
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24. and swap it out for Meg.
The end.
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25. Now, I got a better one.
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26. This is a story
of love and loss,
fathers and sons,
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27. and the foresight to
retain international
merchandising rights.
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28. This is
the story of Star Wars.
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29. Let's begin with Part 4.
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30. You hear that?
Sounds like we're being
boarded from the rear,
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31. and not the,
"Hey, take a deep breath,
let's experiment,"
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32. kind of boarded
from the rear.
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33. Could you hold
on to this bag?
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34. What if they come
in a different door?
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35. Well, I guess we'd
all just get up and
go to that door then.
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36. Is it going to be
like this all day, Jeff?
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37. Hey, I'm just
trying to contribute.
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38. Yeah, well contribute
to pointing your
gun at that door.
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39. Mark, why are you
always way nicer to me
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40. when the other
rebels aren't around?
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41. Damn! I was two days
from retirement.
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42. R2?
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43. Help me,
Obi-Wan Kenobi.
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44. You're my only hope.
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45. All right,
now what do I click?
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46. Click "preferences."
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47. Okay, I clicked
"preferences."
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48. Now go to
"default media browser."
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49. Okay, there's
a little hourglass
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50. and it's not
letting me do anything.
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51. It says "buffering."
What is that?
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52. Just give it a minute.
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53. All I'm trying to
do is make an MPEG:
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54. All I'm trying to do
is tell you to
wait a minute.
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55. Okay, relax.
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56. Now click
"import video file."
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57. All right.
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58. It's telling me
I have to
download RealPlayer 7.
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59. You know what?
I'll just bring
it to him myself.
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60. There she is.
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61. You still got
that bag I gave you?
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62. It's gonna be
a long ride.
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63. Hold your fire.
There's no
life forms aboard.
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64. Hold your fire?
What, are we paying
by the laser now?
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65. You don't do the budget,
Terry. I do.
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66. Hey, I'm gonna
do some crosswords,
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67. but that doesn't mean
I don't want to talk.
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68. Oh, yeah, yeah.
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69. My God,
look at this mess.
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70. "Hey,
Darth Vader's
gonna be here,
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71. "shall we maybe
clean the place up?
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72. "No, it's okay,
he won't mind."
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73. Well, well, Princess Leia.
Are you prepared
to tell me
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74. what you've done
with the stolen
Death Star plans?
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75. All right,
Lord Vader, you win.
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76. I've hidden the plans
in one of these
26 briefcases.
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77. Ooh! Ooh!
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78. Okay, okay,
I'm feeling number 14,
let's go with number 14.
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79. Oh!
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80. It's okay,
I'm just happy
to be on TV.
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81. All right,
take her away.
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82. Okay, here's another one.
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83. Who would you rather do?
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84. Jabba the Hutt
right after a shower
or a service droid?
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85. My father was
a service droid.
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86. Hey, where are you going?
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87. You can kiss
the lower part of
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88. the back of
the canister
that is my body.
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89. Oh, man, this looks like
the wrong neighborhood.
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90. Oh, boy, it's okay,
R2, calm down, be cool.
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91. I ain't done nothing
to antagonize nobody.
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92. What, a droid can't
walk down the desert
no more?
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93. I got rights, too.
Who's there?
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94. Any attack made by
the rebels against
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95. this station would
be a useless gesture,
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96. no matter what
technical data
they've obtained.
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97. This station is
now the ultimate
power in the universe.
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98. That is fantastic,
terrific work.
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99. So no weaknesses at all?
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100. No... No.
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101. You, uh...
You hesitated there.
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102. Is there something
I should know?
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103. No, it's
virtually indestructible,
like 99.99%.
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104. Uh, okay,
wouldn't be doing my job
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105. if I didn't ask,
what's the 0.01?
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106. Well, I mean,
there's this little hole.
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107. It was kind of
an aesthetic choice
by the architect.
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108. And if you shoot
a laser into this hole,
the station blows up.
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109. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
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110. That sounds like
a pretty big
design flaw, then.
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111. No, no, the hole's
only 2 meters across.
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112. Well, that's no
bigger than a womp rat.
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113. Exactly.
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114. And even to get
within range of it,
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115. you have to skim
along this whole trench.
It's not a big deal.
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116. Can't we board it
up or, you know,
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117. put some plywood
over it or something?
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118. Well,
that would look terrible.
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119. I mean, we gotta
think about resale.
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120. Resale? What are you
talking about?
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121. This property is
right above Sunset.
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122. The value is
only gonna go up.
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123. Lord Vader,
your inside references
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124. to the Los Angeles
real estate market
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125. haven't given you
the clairvoyance to turn
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126. a profit on that
condo in Glendale.
Nor has it...
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127. I find your lack
of faith disturbing.
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128. That property is
in a prime location.
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129. Twenty minutes to the beach,
20 minutes to downtown.
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130. There's nothing
to do downtown.
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131. Enough of this.
Vader, release him.
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132. As you wish.
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133. All right,
so we're gonna
plug up that hole?
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134. Yeah, we can
get it done tomorrow,
if price is no object.
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135. Uh...
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136. We'll get estimates.
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137. Get estimates, yeah, yeah.
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138. Someone was in the pod.
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139. The tracks go off
in this direction.
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140. Look, sir, droids.
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141. Look, a penny.
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142. Hey, thanks for the sex,
early '90s printer.
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143. All right,
bring him on out.
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144. Oh, God,
it's 100 degrees
out here.
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145. If I pass out, please
note that I'm wearing
a LifeCall bracelet,
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146. with all my
insurance information.
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147. Luke? Luke!
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148. Luke!
What?
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149. Tell Uncle Owen
not to tell you
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150. that your father
is Darth Vader.
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151. Aunt Beru, when are
you guys going to let
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152. me join the Rebellion,
like all my friends?
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153. Oh, stop whining, Luke,
and come have some blue milk.
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154. One of these days,
I'm just gonna take off
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155. and join the Rebellion,
whether you like it or not.
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156. Over my burnt carcass.
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157. Hey, shut up-a
with the noise-a.
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158. Hey, shut up-a with
the shut up-a.
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159. You shut up-a with
the shut up-a.
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160. Shut up-a
your face.
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161. Now-a my dog-a
wanna shut up-a.
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162. Why you
no shut up-a?
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163. I'll make-a
you shut up-a.
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164. You, too,
shut up-a.
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165. Hey, I poke
out-a my head.
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166. Some day,
I'll get off this rock
and fight the Empire.
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167. John Williams and the
London Symphony Orchestra,
everybody.
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168. Now do the theme to
The People's Court.
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169. Oh, this oil bath is
gonna feel so good.
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170. Hey, you guys
think that '90s printer
looked clean, right?
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171. Hey, there's something stuck
in this R2 unit.
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172. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
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173. You're my only hope.
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174. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
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175. You're my only hope.
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176. Whoever she is,
she sounds like
she's in trouble.
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177. Is there any more
to this message?
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178. Intergalactic Proton Powered
Electrical Tentacled
Advertising Droids.
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179. Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of
Darth Harrington's
Intergalactic Proton
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180. Powered Electrical
Tentacled Advertising
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181. Droids Emporium
and Moon Base.
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182. Due to a garbled
subspace transmission,
I am currently overstocked
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183. on all
Intergalactic Proton Powered
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184. Electrical
Tentacled Advertising Droids
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185. and I am passing
the savings on to you!
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186. She said "Obi-One" Kenobi.
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187. I wonder if she means
old Obi-Wan Kenobi?
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188. Well,
I guess I'll go bulls-eye
some womp rats in my T-16.
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189. My God, you shoot
small animals for fun?
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190. That's the first
indicator of a
serial killer, you freak.
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191. There's two suns
and no women.
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192. What the hell am
I supposed to do?
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193. Master Luke,
he's gone,
he's gone.
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194. What?
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195. R2, he took off in
the middle of the night,
we gotta find him.
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196. Oh, what the phantom menace
is that guy's problem?
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197. Hey, mind if I
turn on the radio?
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198. Tatooine's all-talk radio.
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199. My good friends,
the liberal galactic media
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200. is at it again,
they never stop.
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201. Now they're
trying to convince us
that Hoth is melting.
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202. Well, that's crazy,
just trying to scare us.
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203. And if that wasn't
enough to get you mad,
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204. we now have news
that Lando Calrissian
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205. has been made
the chief administrator
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206. of the Bespin
mining facility.
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207. Gee, I wonder
how he got that job.
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208. Well, let me tell you
how he got that job.
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209. Affirmative action
strikes again.
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210. The time is 8:50.
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211. R2, what are you
doing out here?
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212. He says there are
several creatures
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213. approaching
from the southeast.
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214. That's not
what I said.
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215. I said there ain't
a pack of menthols
on this planet.
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216. Well,
I see some bantha tracks,
but I don't see any...
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217. Wait a minute,
they're Sand People,
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218. all right,
I can see one of them now.
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219. Who the hell are you?
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220. One lucky son of a bitch.
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221. So, Luke, what brings
your muscly arms
out this way?
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222. I'll show you,
Mr. Obi-Wan.
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223. R2, play him
the message.
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224. General Kenobi,
many years ago
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225. you served
my father in
the Clone Wars.
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226. We need your help
again. And, not to
get too personal,
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227. but you owe us
after that mess
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228. you got into
back on Alderaan.
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229. And we paid to
keep the families
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230. of those
children quiet, so...
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231. This is just,
like, logistical stuff.
I'll check that later.
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232. Joey Lawrence
haircut.
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233. So, I'll assume we
can count on your help
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234. to get the Death Star
plans to my father
on Alderaan.
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235. The plans are stored
inside this R2 unit.
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236. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi,
you're my only hope.
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237. All right now,
what do I click?
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238. Luke, you must learn
the ways of the Force,
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239. and come with me
to Alderaan.
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240. What's the Force?
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241. The Force is
what gives a Jedi
Knight his power.
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242. It surrounds us,
it penetrates us.
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243. Mmm...
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244. Here, check this out.
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245. Wow! This is cool.
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246. Yeah, everyone
in the neighborhood
has one.
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247. Hey, why would you
hang that up?
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248. It looks
so tantalizing.
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249. You know, the Empire
is gonna come looking
for these droids.
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250. But if they find out
who the Jawa sold them to,
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251. that could
lead them back...
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252. Home!
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253. Luke, wait,
it's too dangerous.
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254. Get your fat
space ass back here.
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255. Uncle Owen?
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256. Aunt Beru?
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257. Oh, my God!
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258. John Williams!
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259. Great, now we gotta do
the rest of this
thing with Danny Elfman.
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260. Mos Eisley spaceport.
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261. You will never find
a more wretched hive
of scum and villainy.
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262. My sister
Regina-D2 lives here.
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263. Is she single?
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264. She's a lez-bot.
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265. How are we gonna
get in here?
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266. We don't have
any chicks with us.
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267. It's way easier to
get into these clubs
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268. if you have
chicks in your group.
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269. You ever notice that?
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270. No, I never have.
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271. Sorry, sir,
private party tonight.
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272. I'm a friend of
Dave Navarro's.
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273. You're a friend
of Dave Navarro's.
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274. You saw me here
last week.
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275. I seem like
a cool dude.
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276. I saw you here last week.
You seem like a cool dude.
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277. Move along.
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278. Move along,
move along.
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279. He doesn't like you.
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280. Sorry.
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281. I don't like you either.
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282. You don't even know me.
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283. You know what?
That's fair.
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284. I'm Pig Nose,
and this is my
brother-in-law, Scott.
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285. He's visiting
from Hoth.
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286. I don't know why
they call it Hoth.
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287. They should
call it Coldth.
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288. Okay, settle down.
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289. I'm up after the band.
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290. Thank you.
We're the Cantina Band.
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291. If you have any requests,
shout 'em out.
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292. Play that same song.
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293. All right,
same song, here we go.
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294. Oh, no, Stormtroopers.
Quick, R2, in here.
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295. This door's locked,
move on to the next one.
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296. Well, maybe they're
behind this door.
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297. I just said
it's locked.
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298. Well, can't you
knock or something?
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299. Hello?
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300. Well, I guess
whoever's in there
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301. won't be getting
this giant check
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302. from Publishers
Clearing House.
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303. Publishers
Clearing House!
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304. Shut up.
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305. Did you
hear something?
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306. I heard voices,
but they've stopped,
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307. so I'm gonna assume
there's no one in there.
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308. Hi, my sexy friend
and I are looking for
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309. a ship to take
us to Alderaan,
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310. and I'm willing
to pay big money.
Copy !req
311. Well, you've come
to the right place.
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312. I'm Han Solo,
captain of
the Millennium Falcon
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313. and the only
actor whose career
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314. isn't destroyed
by this movie.
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315. Is it a fast ship?
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316. Are you kidding?
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317. It's the ship that
made the Kessel Run
in less than 12 parsecs.
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318. Um, isn't a parsec a unit
of distance, not time?
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319. Chewie, take these
guys to the ship
and get her ready.
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320. Always gargle
before a takeoff.
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321. Wokka, wokka!
All right, let's go.
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322. Greedo, as a matter
of fact, I was just
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323. going to see
Jabba and tell him...
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324. Well, what do you think?
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325. What a piece of junk!
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326. Thank you,
this was my brother's.
He died of leukemia.
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327. How do you feel now?
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328. You got any
strawberry milk
in there?
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329. No, but she'll make
0.5 past light speed.
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330. If you want,
I'll show you around,
Copy !req
331. since no one's
trying to stop
the ship or blast us.
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332. Stop that ship,
blast them.
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333. Oh, now I can't
show you around.
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334. Quick, get in the ship.
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335. Looks like we got
Imperial Cruisers
on our tail.
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336. Oh, look at that one
on the left.
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337. Get off your cell phone,
you are driving.
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338. They're gaining on us.
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339. We'll be safe enough,
once we make the jump
to hyperspace.
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340. Besides,
I know a few maneuvers.
We'll lose 'em.
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341. That... That was
your maneuver?
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342. Moving slightly
to the left?
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343. Well, I mean, we're
not in the same
place we were, huh?
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344. That ought to
confuse 'em.
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345. Yeah, but you
hardly did anything.
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346. You just started
listing lazily
to the left.
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347. I'm pretty sure
they can keep up.
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348. Where did they go?
There they are!
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349. They're listing
lazily to the left.
Go left, left!
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350. Boy, this guy
knows some maneuvers.
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351. All right,
strap yourselves in,
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352. I'm about to make
the jump to light speed.
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353. Did he say "strap
in" or "strap on"?
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354. Man, hyperspace
always looks so freaky.
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355. Governor Tarkin.
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356. I recognized your
foul stench as soon as
I was brought on board.
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357. Um, actually, that's me,
I made a Darth doody.
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358. I sithed my pants.
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359. My diaper's gone
over to the dark side.
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360. I got pages of these,
I could go on.
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361. Princess Leia,
we've chosen to test
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362. our Death Star
planet blower-upper gun
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363. on your home
planet of Alderaan.
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364. No!
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365. She said no.
Should we still do it?
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366. Yeah.
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367. So, anyway, I says,
"Forget the dental plan,
forget sick leave.
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368. "I just want
a railing. You know,
one railing right here."
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369. Yeah, I know,
I've almost fallen over
that thing so many times.
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370. So, what did they say?
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371. Get this,
they said they're worried
we'd be leaning all day.
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372. They said that?
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373. Yeah.
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374. Well,
none of this will matter
when we're famous singers.
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375. Good evening,
Death Star.
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376. Tonight a special report
on the controversial
attack on Alderaan.
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377. While some
view the attack
as unwarranted,
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378. the Empire has
obtained proof
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379. that Alderaan
was in possession
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380. of weapons of
mass destruction.
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381. And now, let's go to
our five day forecast.
Copy !req
382. What's the weather like,
Ollie?
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383. Space weather.
Thanks, Ollie.
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384. Coming up,
we'll give you
the road closures
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385. for this week's
Ewok Pride Parade.
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386. Stay with us.
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387. How am I doing?
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388. Just keep your
knees bent.
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389. Imagine you're
spreading butter on
a big piece of bread.
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390. That's it.
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391. Spread that butter,
with the Force.
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392. Ha! You guys seem like
crazy morons to me.
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393. You don't believe
in the Force, do you?
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394. Oh, you mean that thing
you just found out about,
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395. like,
three hours ago,
and are now
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396. judging me for
not believing in it?
Copy !req
397. Do you believe in anything?
Copy !req
398. Uh, yeah. Didn't you see my
Cabala bracelet?
Copy !req
399. What's Cabala?
Copy !req
400. About $1.75.
Copy !req
401. Honestly, I have no idea.
Copy !req
402. I'm just a slave to trends.
Copy !req
403. What the hell?
Copy !req
404. Oh, my God!
We came out of hyperspace
into an asteroid field.
Copy !req
405. Alderaan's been
destroyed by the Empire.
Copy !req
406. Maybe we should head
for that small moon,
Copy !req
407. that's clearly
a small moon, and
not anything else.
Copy !req
408. That's no moon.
It's a space station.
Copy !req
409. Oh, crap.
They've got us
in a tractor beam.
Copy !req
410. Well, they're not
going to get me
without a fight.
Copy !req
411. You can't win.
But there are
alternatives to fighting.
Copy !req
412. Like what?
Copy !req
413. Like getting
the hell out of here!
Copy !req
414. No, just kidding.
Copy !req
415. Can you imagine
if I was like that?
Copy !req
416. All right,
just follow my lead
and act real cool.
Copy !req
417. All right,
I'm gonna go knock out
that tractor beam.
Copy !req
418. And we'll go
rescue the princess.
Copy !req
419. You know, Luke, this
may be the last time
we see each other.
Copy !req
420. So there's something
I want you to know.
Copy !req
421. Now I've had
the time of my life
Copy !req
422. And I owe it all to you
Copy !req
423. I've been waiting
for so long
Copy !req
424. Now I've
finally found someone
Copy !req
425. To stand by me
Copy !req
426. So we take
each other's hand
Copy !req
427. 'Cause we seem
to understand
the urgency
Copy !req
428. Just remember
Copy !req
429. You're the one thing
Copy !req
430. I can't get enough of
Copy !req
431. So I'll tell you something
Copy !req
432. This could be love because
Copy !req
433. I've had
the time of my life
Copy !req
434. No, I never felt
this way before
Copy !req
435. Yes, I swear
it's the truth
Copy !req
436. And I owe it all to you
Copy !req
437. Holy shit!
Copy !req
438. You ain't never
gonna believe
what I just seen.
Copy !req
439. Tyra Banks?
Copy !req
440. See, now you say
something better,
Copy !req
441. so my thing don't
sound cool no more.
Copy !req
442. Oh! Come on,
what did you see?
Copy !req
443. I don't remember.
Copy !req
444. I just was thinking
about Tyra Banks.
Copy !req
445. Can you imagine?
Copy !req
446. Every night!
Copy !req
447. Don't shake my hand.
Copy !req
448. You ain't got no hand!
You a little truck.
Copy !req
449. So, what are we on,
the first floor?
Copy !req
450. We are
on the second floor.
Copy !req
451. No, no, no,
here's the Banana Republic,
and we just passed that.
Copy !req
452. It's right back there.
We parked on the Macy's side,
Copy !req
453. so now we must be over here
by the JCPenney.
Copy !req
454. It looks like
the first floor is
mostly men's stuff,
Copy !req
455. and there's
a Lady Foot Locker
right over there.
Copy !req
456. All right,
so we're on the third floor.
Copy !req
457. All right,
let's get in
the elevator.
Copy !req
458. And hurry up, 'cause
the smell of that
Mrs. Fields is killing me.
Copy !req
459. Wrong floor.
Stormtrooper church.
Copy !req
460. And do you,
Allen, take Judith
Copy !req
461. to be your
lawfully wedded wife
Copy !req
462. till death or a giant
explosion do you part?
Copy !req
463. Where are you
taking this thing?
Copy !req
464. Prisoner transfer
from cell block 1138.
Copy !req
465. You think you could get me
a room by the pool?
Copy !req
466. Is funny,
because you are a prisoner
Copy !req
467. and there is no pool
because is Death Star.
Copy !req
468. We've gotta find out
what cell this princess
of yours is in.
Copy !req
469. There it is, 2187.
Copy !req
470. I'm on it!
Copy !req
471. Everything's
under control here.
Copy !req
472. Situation normal.
Copy !req
473. What happened?
Copy !req
474. We had a slight
weapons malfunction,
Copy !req
475. but everything's
perfectly all right.
We're fine.
Copy !req
476. We're all fine here now.
Thank you.
Copy !req
477. How are you?
Copy !req
478. I've been better.
Copy !req
479. Well, tell me what's up.
Copy !req
480. Well,
I'm in this relationship
Copy !req
481. and it doesn't seem
to be going anywhere.
Copy !req
482. I like her, but we're
not really connecting.
Copy !req
483. How long has it been?
About 10 months.
Copy !req
484. And how often do
you see each other?
Copy !req
485. Couple times a week.
Copy !req
486. Well, why don't you try
seeing each other
a little more often,
Copy !req
487. and see if you
connect a little more?
Copy !req
488. And if not,
it may be time to move on.
Copy !req
489. Thanks for calling.
Copy !req
490. This is Han Solo
and I'm gonna be
keeping you company
Copy !req
491. for the next few hours,
right here on
the midnight shift.
Copy !req
492. Something's telling me
it might be you
Copy !req
493. It's telling me
it might be you
Copy !req
494. Aren't you a little fat
to be a Stormtrooper?
Copy !req
495. Well, stay here and rot,
you stuck-up bitch.
Copy !req
496. Wait, who are you?
Copy !req
497. I'm Luke Skywalker.
Copy !req
498. Me and Han Solo
and Obi-Wan are
here to rescue you.
Copy !req
499. Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Copy !req
500. Yeah!
Copy !req
501. Suddenly,
I'm not so fat, huh?
Copy !req
502. Come on,
into the garbage chute.
Copy !req
503. She's right!
Come on, Chewbacca.
Copy !req
504. What, are you kidding?
It's probably
Copy !req
505. full of disease.
I'm not jumping in there.
Copy !req
506. Not even if I
throw this pig's ear?
Copy !req
507. Oh, come on, that's not fair.
Go get it!
Copy !req
508. Oh, boy!
Great idea, Princess,
Copy !req
509. diving into
a pile of garbage.
Copy !req
510. Hey, when we get out of here,
maybe you can show me around
Copy !req
511. your home planet of Alderaan.
Copy !req
512. Aww...
Copy !req
513. Too soon?
Copy !req
514. Hey, it could be worse.
Copy !req
515. It's worse.
Copy !req
516. The walls are closing.
Copy !req
517. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
518. Listen to them,
R2, they're dying!
Copy !req
519. What do we do?
Copy !req
520. Only one thing
to do, man.
Copy !req
521. You still got
that bag I gave you?
Copy !req
522. Man, I wish I could
listen to some
Copy !req
523. Tatooine,
Wind & Fire right now.
Copy !req
524. Hmm.
Copy !req
525. So, you think
the Empire's gonna
fall, man?
Copy !req
526. I don't know, man.
Copy !req
527. How you doing
right now?
Copy !req
528. Good. Why?
Copy !req
529. I think I may be
having sort of a
mini freak-out here.
Copy !req
530. Oh.
Copy !req
531. Just tell me I
don't have to stay
in this room.
Copy !req
532. What?
Just tell me, right now,
Copy !req
533. that I don't have
to stay in this room.
Copy !req
534. You don't have to
stay in this room.
Copy !req
535. Oh, thank Christ!
Copy !req
536. Thank God! We're saved.
Copy !req
537. Look at this.
Who throws out half a pizza?
Copy !req
538. And look at this couch.
Copy !req
539. Somebody threw out
a whole couch and
it's in great shape.
Copy !req
540. Yeah, you put
a little Febreze on that,
scrub it out a little bit,
Copy !req
541. it would look great
in your apartment.
Copy !req
542. You know what? I know
we have a dangerous
job to do here,
Copy !req
543. but I'm taking this.
I'm taking this couch.
Copy !req
544. All right, ready?
All right, one, two, three.
Copy !req
545. Okay!
Easy, easy, easy...
Copy !req
546. Easy, easy...
Wait! Wait, wait...
Copy !req
547. Stop! Stop, stop...
Copy !req
548. What? What, what?
Copy !req
549. No, no, no. Twist it.
I am.
Copy !req
550. No, no, no.
The other way.
Copy !req
551. Which way?
You're twisting the wrong way.
Copy !req
552. What do you
want me to do?
Copy !req
553. Just look down, look at me,
look what I'm doing.
Copy !req
554. All right,
see the way I'm twisting it?
Yeah.
Copy !req
555. Right, turn it that
way from your end.
Copy !req
556. Okay.
Copy !req
557. No, no, no. Just put
it down,
Copy !req
558. just drop it.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Copy !req
559. All right, all right.
Copy !req
560. All right, let's...
Copy !req
561. Just hang on and
figure this out.
Copy !req
562. Han, there are
Stormtroopers
all over the place.
Copy !req
563. Shouldn't we be
getting out of here?
Copy !req
564. All right, okay,
all right,
I got it, I know...
Copy !req
565. Here's what
we're gonna do.
Copy !req
566. We're going to
take the cushions off,
Copy !req
567. unscrew the legs,
take the mattress out,
Copy !req
568. and this whole thing
is going to be
a lot simpler.
Copy !req
569. It's easier than
we're making it.
Copy !req
570. Hey, did you
hear something?
Copy !req
571. Probably just
another drill.
Copy !req
572. You know that
last drill we had?
Copy !req
573. I was about to
finally bone
my girlfriend,
Copy !req
574. and then we heard
that there was
this drill
Copy !req
575. and she told me
there was no way.
Copy !req
576. So, Obi-Wan,
we meet again.
Copy !req
577. What part of,
"Stay 50 yards away
Copy !req
578. "at all times,"
don't you understand?
Copy !req
579. Uh-oh!
Copy !req
580. Your powers are weak,
old man.
Copy !req
581. Obi-Wan!
Copy !req
582. Boy, you got here
just in time.
Copy !req
583. No!
Copy !req
584. Right! Go! Go, go, go.
Copy !req
585. All right, twist it
counter-clockwise.
Copy !req
586. I am twisting it,
you're twisting
it the other way.
Copy !req
587. I mean counter-clockwise
from where I'm standing...
So then you...
Copy !req
588. So clockwise.
So, yeah! Okay,
all right.
Copy !req
589. Yeah, so
you twist it clockwise.
Copy !req
590. Okay. Go!
You know what?
Put it down.
Copy !req
591. Put it down for a sec.
My fingers
are killing me.
Copy !req
592. Han, they're
shooting at us.
Copy !req
593. All right, you know what?
Lift it up tall-ways.
Copy !req
594. For Christ's...
It's wedged. It's wedged.
Copy !req
595. All right, okay.
You know what?
It's not going anywhere.
Copy !req
596. Let's just take off,
we'll deal with it later.
Copy !req
597. You get in the cockpit,
and I'll just...
Copy !req
598. I'll hang onto
this thing as we go.
Copy !req
599. Easy!
Copy !req
600. I can't believe
he's gone.
Copy !req
601. I know, Luke,
but it's true, he's gone.
Copy !req
602. I mean,
you saw him get beheaded.
Copy !req
603. Nobody lives
through that.
Copy !req
604. Not for long anyway.
Copy !req
605. I mean, sometimes
the brain is still active
Copy !req
606. for a few minutes
after the beheading,
Copy !req
607. but to be honest,
I can't imagine
a worse kind of hell.
Copy !req
608. And unfortunately,
hell is probably
where he'll end up,
Copy !req
609. because
the Christians don't look
Copy !req
610. too kindly on
the whole Force thing.
Copy !req
611. Come on, kid,
we're not out
of the woods yet.
Copy !req
612. Here they come.
Copy !req
613. Hey, Han!
What?
Copy !req
614. Why do they call
them TIE fighters?
Copy !req
615. No idea.
Copy !req
616. They're coming too fast!
Copy !req
617. A nickel for every time
I've had that problem.
Copy !req
618. Just keep shooting, Luke.
Copy !req
619. Yeah! That's how we do it
in my neighborhood, bitch!
Copy !req
620. I got him! I got him!
Copy !req
621. Right, kid. Don't get penisy.
Copy !req
622. I just want to tell
you both, good luck!
Copy !req
623. We're all
counting on you.
Copy !req
624. Mom? Yeah, we won.
Copy !req
625. Yeah, we won the battle.
Copy !req
626. Yeah, I'm calling,
like you asked.
Copy !req
627. Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
628. Okay, but I gotta go.
Copy !req
629. I got other stuff to do.
Copy !req
630. Okay. Okay,
but I gotta go. Okay.
Copy !req
631. Okay. Yes. Yes.
Copy !req
632. Yes. Yes,
Mom. I love you, too, Mom.
Copy !req
633. Okay. All right. Goodbye.
Copy !req
634. The Homing Beacon
is safely on board
the Millennium Falcon.
Copy !req
635. I'm taking
an awful risk, Vader.
Copy !req
636. It'd better work.
Copy !req
637. You know,
I think they
took your old couch.
Copy !req
638. What? I threw that away.
Copy !req
639. Yeah, it was weird.
I just killed Obi-Wan,
and then I look over
Copy !req
640. and there are these
two dudes scurrying
across with a couch.
Copy !req
641. It had a stain on it,
from when we had
Hawaiian Punch night.
Copy !req
642. Yeah, that's my couch.
Rebel scum.
Copy !req
643. Gotcha!
Copy !req
644. Thanks to the information
in this R2 unit provided
by Princess Leia,
Copy !req
645. we should be able to mount
a successful offensive
on the Death Star.
Copy !req
646. But first, please take
a moment to watch
this instructional video.
Copy !req
647. Nothing but net.
Copy !req
648. Hi! I'm Magic Johnson
with a few tips on
blowing up the Death Star.
Copy !req
649. First off,
never forget your objective.
Copy !req
650. There are gonna
be so many folks
Copy !req
651. coming at you
to slow you down,
Copy !req
652. you might feel like you got
a bull's-eye on your head.
Copy !req
653. No, but they will be
trying to kill you.
Copy !req
654. Also, don't forget
you have teammates
out there watching your back.
Copy !req
655. Unless you've
been messing around
Copy !req
656. with their wife
or girlfriend.
Copy !req
657. No, but they will
be there to help you.
Copy !req
658. Lastly, you wanna make sure
you step back
Copy !req
659. and take cover after
you sink that bucket.
Copy !req
660. 'Cause that sky
gonna light up
like the Fourth of July.
Copy !req
661. No, but there will
be a large explosion.
Copy !req
662. Any questions?
Copy !req
663. Yeah, I got a question.
Copy !req
664. Does Barry Manilow know
you raid his wardrobe?
Copy !req
665. You'll get
the answer to that question
next Saturday.
Copy !req
666. Don't mess with the bull,
young man,
you'll get the horns.
Copy !req
667. Biggs? Jesus!
Copy !req
668. What the hell
happened to you?
Copy !req
669. Oh! Hey, Luke. I was
under a Y-wing working
on the space engine,
Copy !req
670. and the whole thing
just dropped on me.
Copy !req
671. Holy crap!
Copy !req
672. Yeah. Holy crap.
Copy !req
673. So, you here for
the Death Star assault?
Copy !req
674. Yeah, yeah,
I can't wait.
Copy !req
675. How about you?
Copy !req
676. Well, no,
I can't really...
Copy !req
677. Oh, yeah,
because of that...
Copy !req
678. The chair.
Chair, yeah.
Copy !req
679. Yeah, so
I'll just be here
making sandwiches
Copy !req
680. for when you guys
get back.
Copy !req
681. Oh...
Copy !req
682. Well, that's cool.
Copy !req
683. Yeah.
Copy !req
684. You want anything special?
Copy !req
685. What? You mean
like a sandwich?
Copy !req
686. Yeah.
Copy !req
687. Oh, no, I mean,
I couldn't...
Copy !req
688. You know, whatever
you make will be fine.
Copy !req
689. Hey, Biggs.
Yeah?
Copy !req
690. You're just as big
a part of this as...
Copy !req
691. I mean, you're doing stuff,
and I think that's great!
Copy !req
692. Well, kid,
I guess this is goodbye.
Copy !req
693. So, you got your reward
and you're leaving?
Is that it?
Copy !req
694. When you say it
that way, I sound like
Copy !req
695. a douche, but, yeah,
that's what I'm doing.
Copy !req
696. What did you get
for a reward, anyway?
Copy !req
697. Let's see.
I got 10% off
a Netflix membership,
Copy !req
698. some nice
Cracker Barrel Cheddar,
Copy !req
699. assorted lotions,
Copy !req
700. and a little plastic
champagne bottle
full of jelly beans,
Copy !req
701. and a little bear.
See? Little bear.
Copy !req
702. "Hey, Luke, we had
fun on the Death Star."
Copy !req
703. Well, take care
of yourself, Han.
Copy !req
704. I guess that's
what you're best at.
Copy !req
705. Oh, look!
A light saber cheese knife!
Copy !req
706. Yuck!
Copy !req
707. All wings, check in.
Copy !req
708. Red Three standing by.
Copy !req
709. Red Six standing by.
Copy !req
710. Red Five standing by.
Copy !req
711. Red Buttons standing by.
Copy !req
712. Redd Foxx standing by.
Copy !req
713. Big Red standing by.
Copy !req
714. Red October standing by.
Copy !req
715. Helen Reddy standing by.
Copy !req
716. Simply Red standing by.
Copy !req
717. I'm going in.
Cover me, Porkins.
Copy !req
718. Having a little
trouble here.
Copy !req
719. Careful, Redd Foxx!
Copy !req
720. There's one
right on your tail.
Copy !req
721. I'm coming, Elizabeth!
Copy !req
722. Use the Force, Luke.
Copy !req
723. Obi-Wan?
Copy !req
724. Yeah, it's me. Use the Force.
Copy !req
725. Force that thing in there,
just like I showed you
with those puppets.
Copy !req
726. But don't tell nobody 'cause
you'll get in trouble.
Copy !req
727. Clark,
I don't like the look
of this neighborhood.
Copy !req
728. Come on, Ellen,
it's important
for the kids
Copy !req
729. to witness the plight
of the Rebellion.
Copy !req
730. Kids, you noticing
all this plight?
Copy !req
731. Roll 'em up!
Copy !req
732. The Force is
strong with this one.
Copy !req
733. Fuck you,
you son of a bitch!
Copy !req
734. What am I, R2Pac?
Copy !req
735. The Death Star
is getting closer.
Copy !req
736. And Leia's getting larger.
Copy !req
737. I have you now,
young Skywalker.
Copy !req
738. And with today's gas prices,
not a minute too soon.
Copy !req
739. What the deuce?
Copy !req
740. Look at us.
Look at how much more
Copy !req
741. comfortable we are
now shooting stuff.
Copy !req
742. Whew!
Copy !req
743. Luke, the Force will
be with you always.
Copy !req
744. And so will I, always.
Copy !req
745. Of course when you
get older and get
Copy !req
746. some crow's feet,
I might lose interest.
Copy !req
747. You did it!
Copy !req
748. Yay!
Copy !req
749. Hooray!
I have your sandwich.
Copy !req
750. Yay! My what?
Oh! Thank you, Biggs.
Copy !req
751. Yay! I'm part of things,
too. Yay!
Copy !req
752. The end.
Copy !req
753. Wow, Dad, thanks for
keeping us entertained.
Copy !req
754. That was a great story.
Copy !req
755. Yeah, but didn't
Robot Chicken already
do this three months ago?
Copy !req
756. I wouldn't worry
about it, Chris.
Copy !req
757. I don't think
people are even aware
of that show's existence.
Copy !req
758. Well, I don't know, Dad.
Copy !req
759. I think a decent
number of people
watch it.
Copy !req
760. Oh, really?
Define "decent."
Copy !req
761. I think it's
the highest rated show
on Cartoon Network,
Copy !req
762. and the Star Wars episode
doubled that audience.
Copy !req
763. Well, yeah,
but double 10 people is,
like, 20 people,
Copy !req
764. so what kind of numbers
are we talking
about here, you know?
Copy !req
765. Don't be glib
about this stuff, Dad.
It's a legitimate show,
Copy !req
766. and they beat
you to the punch.
Copy !req
767. I don't know
about that, Chris.
Copy !req
768. I mean, to me,
a legitimate show
is on ABC, CBS, NBC,
Copy !req
769. you know,
one of the real networks.
Copy !req
770. I don't know
about that, Dad.
Copy !req
771. And besides,
what's up with that
Copy !req
772. 15 minute runtime?
What is that?
Copy !req
773. That's like 15 minutes
of guys playing
with Star Wars dolls.
Copy !req
774. Oh, yay,
tune me in to that.
Copy !req
775. Oh, so you do
know the show!
Copy !req
776. I read part of
a review online.
Copy !req
777. I am not a fan.
Copy !req
778. You know, Dad,
you're a real jerk!
Copy !req