Evil Toons (1992)

1. Remember, in times of trouble, let your conscience be your guide.

2. Here goes.

3. I never knew you were one to jump to conclusions.

4. You can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be back. You'll see!

5. Okay, kids. This is it.

6. - Well, that wasn't too bad. - Oh, speak for yourself.

7. I personally was never cut out to be a contortionist.

8. - A contortionist, what's that? - It's a political party.

9. But don't worry, the Republicans are still way ahead.

10. Well, actually, it means a person's ability

11. to twist their body into strange and unusual positions.

12. Well, that certainly sounds like Roxanne to me.

13. - Really? - Oh, dream on.

14. Hey, let's get this stuff out.

15. I feel like I'm on display here in the middle of the street.

16. Let's do it.

17. Now, you girls understand the deal, right? I drop you off,

18. you clean up the house real good for the new owners,

19. I pick you up Monday morning, and you each get 100 bucks.

20. My mouth's watering just thinking about it.

21. A lousy 100 bucks.

22. You'd think there'd be an easier way to earn some spending cash.

23. There is, but you'd have to beat around the bush to get it.

24. And how!

25. - What did she mean by that? - Just keep pulling out the stuff, Megan.

26. Hey, just sign this, saying you understand the game.

27. And I can get the hell outta here.

28. I hope someone has the keys to this palace.

29. Don't worry. As your team leader,

30. I've got everything we need to get through the weekend.

31. Did you bring any men?

32. Oh, I see you're hiding them under your shirt.

33. - Sign up, Roxanne. - Oh.

34. Too bad, it's a couple of midgets.

35. Yeah, well, listen... In case you didn't hear it down at the office,

36. there's no hanky panky going on here.

37. You leave your boyfriends down at the football field

38. or wherever the hell you found them.

39. - Power even turned on? - Well, the electricity is.

40. The phone's out until the new owners move in.

41. Well, what if there's an emergency or something?

42. Oh, I think we're suppose to go running down the street screaming, right?

43. No. There's a neigbor, Mr. Hinchlow.

44. He's got a phone. I spoke to him earlier in the day.

45. He's gonna drop by later and introduce himself.

46. - Great, we can call out for pizza. - Yeah, but remember, no monkey business.

47. - I got a reputation to think of. - He's got his reputation to live down.

48. - Sleaze ball. - Aw, I think he's kind of cute.

49. Well, in a weird, sort of twisted way, of course.

50. Very twisted.

51. Let's get going, guys.

52. Guys. Hold on.

53. Oh, look. Hell House.

54. Looks like our sorority house to me.

55. It displays a certain charm. Not altogether unpleasant.

56. Maybe you can assume the mortgage after the new owners disappear.

57. - Put this down. - All right.

58. What was that stuff you were saying about the new owners disappearing?

59. Well, this house has a long history of mayhem and madness.

60. Pretty strange and unusual and weird things have happened here.

61. - Such as? - Well...

62. It was the Mortimer family, the last ones to live here

63. They simply vanished one night after about a month of moving in.

64. - What happened to them? - Nobody really knows.

65. But it's assumed they took off in the middle of the night,

66. so freaked out, they left everything behind.

67. - Everything? - Even their CD player.

68. No shit?

69. Let's get this junk in the kitchen and see if the fridge is in working order.

70. Meg, go get the bags from the street.

71. Okay.

72. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

73. Saw the van. Figured it was you.

74. Thoght I'd stop by, let you know I was here.

75. - Are you Mr... - Hinchlow.

76. Yes, I have the house down the block here.

77. I'm Megan. I'm just here for the weekend.

78. Ah, short stay, huh?

79. Good thing.

80. Um, would you like to meet the other girls?

81. Oh, I'd be delighted.

82. You know, I remember this house when it was only about that tall.

83. Oh, heh. No kidding?

84. I don't know about you guys, but this place doesn't look so messy.

85. You know, it should be a cinch if we all pitch in and get to it.

86. - Fridge is in working order. - Great. Here, put this stuff in there.

87. - Ham. - Yeah.

88. - Cheese, cool. - Mm.

89. Beers.

90. - And butter? - Don't ask.

91. - Look who I found outside. - Mr. Hinchlow?

92. Yeah.

93. You the guy with the phone?

94. - That's right. - Well, I'm Terry. Hi.

95. I represent the Wheatley Cleaning Company.

96. And this is Roxanne and Jan, and...

97. - I guess you already know Megan. - I had the pleasure, yeah.

98. There something we can do for you, Mr. Hinchlow?

99. No. No, no, I just, uh... Came in to have a look at your faces.

100. In case I have to identify you later on.

101. - Identify us? - Your bodies, I mean, for the cops.

102. - Um, if there's a need, you know? - I'm afraid we don't know.

103. Well, there's been several murders in this neighborhood.

104. I... I wouldn't want anything to happen to you girls, of course.

105. Of course.

106. Well, we really appreciate your concern, Mr. Hinchlow.

107. And now, if you're done memorizing us, we've got a lot of work to do.

108. Of course. Uh, yes. Uh, well, if you need anything I'm just down the block.

109. It's the brown house that's slightly green with mold.

110. Just holler if you need anything.

111. Thanks. We'll remember that.

112. - So now what? - Well, I say we start in the basement.

113. - Why the basement? - 'Cause it's dark and creepy.

114. And probably the last place you wanna be after sundown.

115. You got it.

116. - Come on. - Let's do it.

117. Why do these things always have to start

118. with young, beautiful coeds going into the basement?

119. This must be where all the missing bodies are buried.

120. Don't worry. We're not doing any digging.

121. - It's not in our job description. - Come on.

122. Come on, scaredy-cat. Get in there.

123. I just wanna be the last one to get it.

124. Oh, come on.

125. Well, what are you chickens waiting for? Let's get the light turned on.

126. You do it. We're not budging. It's dark in here.

127. Geez, it's just a basement.

128. Maybe to you, but I say it's the guts of Hell House.

129. Is this the part where we find the secret Ouija board

130. and all become possessed by demons?

131. No, I think this is the part where we get just plain bored,

132. and get possessed by the spirit of Mr. Clean.

133. Look, guys... No bodies, no monsters.

134. Just an old storage space that smells like a locker room.

135. - It's even too ugly to mop. - So, what do we do with it?

136. Well, I say we just straighten up. Now why don't you guys

137. stack up some of the boxes, and we'll move things around.

138. It'll start looking better, and we can call it a day.

139. Terry's right. Let's do it.

140. - Hey, check this out. - What?

141. What's the big deal? There's a lot of trunks down here.

142. Yeah, but dig this tag.

143. I've seen a lot of odd languages, but never one like this before.

144. I wonder what it says.

145. Probably some kind of travel tag from an exotic location.

146. Yeah, in hell.

147. Come on, cut the ghost stories and help me get it open.

148. Oh, stink-o!

149. Smells like something died.

150. Look here.

151. - Great. Where's the rest of him? - There's more.

152. - Well, that— - Fuck!

153. That just about completes our tour of Dr. Satan's neighborhood.

154. Tune in next week, when we hear Roxanne say:

155. Let's get the hell out of here.

156. - Yeah, we can finish tomorrow. - I need some air.

157. Well, I'm gonna take some of these things with me.

158. - Why? - They may be important.

159. Well, you remember what that Hinchlow said.

160. - About bodies? - Yeah. There may be clues.

161. What you're really trying to say, is they may be antiques.

162. Valuable ones, that nobody but us knows about or will miss.

163. Well, maybe. But listen...

164. If they are valuables, we'll split whatever we have, okay?

165. - Deal? - Deal.

166. - Come on, let's get. - Let's do it.

167. This place doesn't induce much of an appetite in me.

168. Well, it isn't exactly Mama San's brand of bologna

169. but it'll do if you're as hungry as I am.

170. Great. A thunder storm.

171. How come every time we stay at an old, spooky house

172. it has lightning and thunder?

173. Well, I think it's standard issue.

174. - Let's go join the others. - Okay.

175. How can you read that stuff on a night like this?

176. In a house like this?

177. "And then Reginald, with an insane look,

178. grabbed the long, twisted blade of the Demon Sword,

179. and plunged it deep into the exposed breast of young, nubile Catherine."

180. Are you okay?

181. Just some sandwich stuck in my throat.

182. Have you guys seen Rox?

183. Wanna see how I got my hooks in to Biff Bullock, the football captain?

184. Again?

185. I do!

186. Okay! Here's how it starts. Ready?

187. - Wow, that was interesting. - Gets them every time.

188. Here. Come on. I'll show you how.

189. - No, I couldn't. I— - Come on.

190. Come on, it's easy.

191. Come on.

192. - Stop! - Come on!

193. Come on.

194. Hey, girl. Hold on.

195. Stop it.

196. - Check her out. - Oh, not too bad.

197. My, my. Where have you been hinding that?

198. We've got some stiff competition here, girls.

199. Remind me to show you how to use it sometime.

200. Who could that be?

201. It's probably Hinchlow looking for a good time.

202. - We shouldn't answer it. - Please, it's just a doorbell.

203. Can I help you?

204. Is there anything we can do for you?

205. Delivery.

206. We don't live here.

207. And the new owners won't be around until Monday.

208. Maybe you should come back then.

209. Delivery.

210. Uh, sure.

211. Do I need to sign anything?

212. Um, let's close the door.

213. - I wonder what it is. - A box of candy?

214. Look, it says: "Open immediately." Let's see what's inside.

215. No. It doesn't belong to us.

216. Well... Maybe it's perishable.

217. And if we don't, we might get in more trouble.

218. - There's a point. - Well...

219. Okay, but if it's not, we wrap it right back.

220. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's open it.

221. Ooh, yuck. What a hideous thing.

222. What is it? A book or something?

223. It's the Transylvania yellow pages, ooh.

224. - Should we look inside? - We've gone this far.

225. - Ew! I don't really like touching this. - It looks like somebody's face.

226. - Probably human skin. - Probably worth a fortune.

227. Hey, do any of you guys read foreign languages?

228. Jan, you do, don't you?

229. I know how to say "how much?" in Spanish.

230. I can answer that in five languages. But that's all.

231. I'll bet little miss egghead upstairs knows how to read this.

232. Roxanne, why don't you go up and find out?

233. Okay.

234. That is gross.

235. It is.

236. Now that's gross.

237. It's only a picture, but it looks like some ancient sorcerer's wet dream.

238. Yuck.

239. - Ready to rejoin the troops? - I guess so.

240. - A little embarrassed? - No, I...

241. - A little. - Well, don't be.

242. I mean, you've got a great body. You just need to get some use out of it.

243. What a night.

244. Yeah, but right now, Terry wants you downstairs.

245. Some creepy old man delivered a book with a face on it.

246. And she thought maybe you could read some of it

247. and tell us what it's all about.

248. - Really? - Yeah, so...

249. I could try.

250. Get a load of that drawing.

251. - Ew, it looks like they're— - Doing it!

252. Gross!

253. Look where that thing's tongue is going.

254. Makes me squirm in my seat just thinking about it.

255. Well, don't show it to Roxanne, or she might wanna try it.

256. - Where's that strange book? - It's right here.

257. - That guy's tongue is— - Yeah, yeah, we saw it. So can you read it?

258. Well, it looks like ancient Latin.

259. Great, the one class I skipped regularly.

260. Ooh, a handsome fellow.

261. Yeah, we know, but can you make out anything?

262. Well, it's kinda rough, but I'll give it a try.

263. "Demons of the mind, hear this summons."

264. "Give of our energy to that of the unliving."

265. "For that which lives not, may never die."

266. Does it get any better?

267. "We, your devotet slaves, give of our bodies,

268. that thou may live but a life unto death."

269. "We beg of you, answer our pleas."

270. - Okay, so are there any jokes in there? - It gets pretty rocky after that.

271. What do you mean, rocky?

272. Are you the Latin wiz of this katonic ewe or what?

273. Well, ancient demon incantations aren't covered until next semester.

274. Rats!

275. Oh, wait a minute, here's a footnote. I think I can read this.

276. "In the name of God, if you value your immortal Soul,

277. never ever, ever, ever read the above incantation aloud."

278. "And I mean, don't. Never."

279. Well, that was fun.

280. - Any dirty pictures in here? - Tons. But I'm turnin' in, not turnin' on.

281. Yeah, me too. And if you guys had any sense, you would, too.

282. - I'm ready. - Not me.

283. - I'm expecting some company. - Company?

284. Yeah. Biff Bullock said that he might drop by around midnight.

285. You remember what Burt Wentworth said about no monkey business?

286. Sure, but Biff's not a monkey, and he'll only be here for, like, an hour or so.

287. Who's gonna know?

288. If it's Biff, it'll only be five minutes, and the whole school's gonna know.

289. - And Rox? - Yeah?

290. - He does look like a monkey. - Oh, you're just jealous.

291. Listen, don't screw up this gig, okay? Or we might get in some big trouble.

292. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

293. - Night. - See ya.

294. - Later, kid. - Night.

295. Wow... how does he get his tongue in there?

296. This place sure spooks me.

297. Well, if you hear a scream in the middle of the night,

298. it'll probably be Roxanne losing her virginity for the fifth time.

299. I wish I had her sense of adventure.

300. Just be glad you don't have her sense of propriety.

301. But it must be so exciting to trice for so many strong, muscular men.

302. "Trice?" Listen, Meg, the next time you wanna know what it's like,

303. just do that little dance Roxanne showed you.

304. I'm sure that'll at least cover the foreplay.

305. - Was I good? - Oh, honey, you were great.

306. Why, you just reeked of sex.

307. Okay, everyone, let's get some sleep before the carnal olympics start downstairs.

308. Okay.

309. Okay.

310. Got you now, Biff.

311. Oh, God.

312. Cool.

313. Okay.

314. My, my, my.

315. - Nice ass. - Biff, is that you?

316. Come on out. I recognize your voice.

317. Yoo-hoo!

318. Time for din din.

319. Hello, baby.

320. Nice tits!

321. Listen.

322. Yup, that's number five.

323. - You mean...? - Well, they're not playing Twister.

324. Maybe they are.

325. Oh, boy.

326. - It stopped. - What did I tell you. That Biff?

327. I didn't even hear the whistle for the two minute warning.

328. Good boy. Well, they always said he was the fastest guy on the team.

329. Now maybe we can get some shut-eye.

330. That did not sound like the extatic coupling of young lovers to me.

331. Maybe she's in trouble.

332. Why don't you check in on them? I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

333. Well, maybe just a peek.

334. - To be sure? - Help yourself.

335. - And Meg? - Yeah?

336. Be sure to tell us where his tongue is. I'm dying to know.

337. She's such a drag.

338. Roxanne? Biff?

339. Hello?

340. Rox, you scared me to death!

341. Hello, Meg.

342. - Can I help you? - What are you doing?

343. We heard screams, and now you're here, naked and covered in blood.

344. Are you okay?

345. I cut myself opening a bottle of wine. It ruined my nightgown.

346. - I was just changing. - What about the screams?

347. So I got a little carried away. Why don't you go back to bed?

348. I'm all right, and Biff will be here soon.

349. We wouldn't want to spoil the moment now, would we?

350. No, of course not. I was just worried about you.

351. - Megan, you're so sweet. - Uh... well, goodnight.

352. Later.

353. What's gotten into you?

354. Yeah, did you penalize him five yards for illegal use of hands,

355. or was it backfield in motion?

356. Biff's not here yet.

357. Well...!

358. I know what it is. Roxanne was practicing for the big moment.

359. She was standing there like some kind of robot or something.

360. - Naked and covered with blood. - Are you kidding?

361. She said she cut herself and ruined her nightie, but...

362. I didn't see any cuts.

363. - Well, is she all right? - She said she was, but...

364. - But what? - Well, I don't know.

365. She was just really strange, weird. It was really creepy.

366. Forget it, babe. This whole place is creepy.

367. Just try to get some sleep if you can.

368. Alive.

369. Alive again!

370. Hiya, baby.

371. - You miss me? - Like the plague.

372. Neat place.

373. - You got your own room? - The other girls are upstairs, so...

374. I thought we'd camp out down here for a while.

375. Sounds swell, huh.

376. Hey, what's—what's with the sticky stuff? Uh... some kind of new lotion?

377. Close. Let's get comfortable.

378. Sound great.

379. Wine too, huh? You sure know how to make a guy feel welcome.

380. I've been waiting for you to come.

381. Oh, yeah. Me too, baby.

382. Here's where it gets fun.

383. Oh, yeah.

384. - Huh? - What?

385. I think Biff just screamed.

386. So lots of guys do. Especially those who are with Roxanne.

387. It wasn't that kind of scream.

388. Are you on that kick again?

389. I think somebody should just check into it.

390. - Well, I nominate you. - And I second it.

391. Why me?

392. Face it, Meg, all you wanna do is see Roxanne in action

393. and pick up a few pointers.

394. - I do not! - Either way, it's a dark, stormy night.

395. We're four young, attractive girls in a big, spooky house, all alone.

396. If we don't go downstairs one at a time,

397. how will we ever get bumped off without the others knowing about it?

398. That's a terrible thing to say!

399. Well, maybe.

400. But I think you've got the "you're it" syndrome.

401. You're gonna be the first to get it,

402. so you have to go downstairs and check out the situation before we do.

403. It's not our time to go yet.

404. I think Jan's right; I think you've got "you're it" written all over you.

405. You guys are just trying to scare me!

406. You're right, so why don't you just go back to sleep

407. before Terry and I decide to murder you ourselves?

408. - Going anyway? - I'm just going to the bathroom.

409. Honest! I'll be right back.

410. I wouldn't do that if I were you.

411. - That kid is weird. - Yeah, she is.

412. A canvas is a canvas or a painting.

413. A rock is a rock or a statue.

414. A sound is a sound or it's music.

415. Come on. Be a nose.

416. Be a nose.

417. Frankie, shut up!

418. Oh, what's the matter, Frankie? How'd you get yourself stuck in the wall?

419. Wait a minute. I'll get you out.

420. Hello.

421. Yes, it's Burt. Who's this?

422. Hinchlow? What the hell do you want? You know what time it is?

423. No, I'm watching TV. What the hell are you doing right now?

424. Yeah, well, I didn't give you this number

425. so you could call me up in the middle of the night and bug me!

426. They did what?

427. Screaming at the top of their lungs?

428. Were they screaming in pleasure, or something like that?

429. You know, one of those girls is a contortionist.

430. Yeah, it's a political party.

431. Oh, in terror? Real blood-curdling stuff?

432. What? And a guy parked his car out in front?

433. What the hell are you doing, watching them with a telescope?

434. Oh yeah? What kinda lense you got?

435. Now, listen... Okay, okay.

436. Yeah, I'll be over there. This better be serious.

437. A nice, fresh piece of halibut for ya.

438. I'll give you to her in the morning.

439. How come this guy never won an academy award?

440. - Burt, honey? - Yeah?

441. - Where ya goin'? - Out.

442. I gotta go check on those broads I left at the old house.

443. - Something funny's going on there. - But Burt, it's Friday.

444. So what? I gotta go.

445. Burt, Friday night.

446. Why does every week have to have a Friday night in it?

447. You're gonna hurt yourself like that some day.

448. - That's Meg. - Maybe she really was it.

449. Now we gotta go down there. Things may be getting a little rough.

450. We should get something heavy in case we have to conk that Biff on the noggin.

451. Yeah. Don't spare the weight.

452. - How's this? - It's a killer.

453. Let's go. But quietly. - Okay.

454. Meg! Are you all right?

455. Biff's dead.

456. Oh, shit.

457. Why is he covered with this tapestry?

458. Someone's trying to hide the body.

459. That's like sweeping him under the rug.

460. - It's a soul shroud. - A what?

461. A soul shroud. When souls are offered up to Satan,

462. they go by means of a soul shroud, to Hell.

463. Sort of like gift wrapping.

464. Gift wrapping? Happy fucking birthday.

465. - How'd you know that? - It says so, right there on the corner.

466. Who's that?

467. Come on, girls, open up. It's me, Burt.

468. - What do you want? - What do I want?

469. I want what any man wants.

470. I wanna be called up in the middle of the night and gotten out of bed.

471. I wanna go for a ride in my car in the middle of a thunder storm.

472. Find out if there's any trouible down here. What the hell do you think I want?

473. - What do you mean? - I mean, Hinchlow called me.

474. Said someone was screaming down here loud enough to wake the dead,

475. he thought there might be some trouble.

476. He also said he thought he saw a guy coming here a little while ago.

477. You know anything about that?

478. - No. - Nope.

479. Well, let me in. I wanna see if everything's okay.

480. We can't. We're not dressed.

481. Well, toss somethin' on. I haven't got all night.

482. - We've got to hide this body. - You mean touch that guy?

483. Look, he's already dead, we can't help that.

484. But if Burt finds out he was here, we're gonna get fired.

485. But is it worth a mere 100 bucks to become implicated in a murder?

486. - Yep. - Yes.

487. Let's do it. Come on.

488. Were do we put him? He weighs a ton.

489. Uh, the kitchen. It'll be easier to clean up later.

490. - How do you think this happened? - Who knows?

491. Looks like Roxanne gave him an eternal hickey.

492. Okay.

493. Oh, man!

494. Where is Roxanne?

495. I never saw her.

496. I think she ran away after killing Biff.

497. Hey, chickies, come on. I'm catching my death out here.

498. You'll have to come around back.

499. - This door's locked. - Oh, it's you.

500. What the hell's going on here? Everybody's acting so screwy.

501. Well, if you'll come with me, I can explain everything.

502. - This better be good. - Oh, it will be.

503. Okay, everybody. Cool and calm.

504. - Yeah, right, cool and calm. Cool... - Okay.

505. - Calm... - Okay.

506. - Okay, ready? - Okay.

507. - Let's do it. - Okay.

508. Where is he?

509. Maybe he split. He looked kinda loaded.

510. I guess he got tired of waiting.

511. Lucky for us, but we still have to deal with the Biff situation.

512. Don't worry. I'll think of something.

513. Now here is where it all started.

514. - I'm still with ya. - Now, stay close.

515. It's dark in here.

516. Ah, some dump.

517. We just started cleaning this afternoon.

518. It ain't terrible, but it's got a ways to go yet.

519. Here is where we found the sacred shroud and dagger.

520. This is where all the trouble began.

521. Trouble? What trouble?

522. You lookin' for trouble?

523. I'm trouble.

524. Oh, boy.

525. Oh, boy.

526. Oh, boy.

527. Oh, boy. Oh, boy!

528. Oh, boy! Oh! Oh, boy!

529. Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

530. Oh my God!

531. Look at this.

532. - What is it? - Roxanne's nightie.

533. Or what's left of it.

534. - Do you think... - Biff attacked her?

535. She had to grease him in self-defense?

536. Sure looks like it.

537. Oh, check this out.

538. - What? - Remember the drawing of the beast?

539. - It's gone. - Maybe somebody ripped it out.

540. I don't think so. Everything else is the same.

541. - But the drawing is vanished. - Hey, look, guys.

542. I think we have more important things to do

543. than to worry about some old witch's coloring book.

544. Look, it says something about the beast on this page.

545. And there's the darwing of the dagger that we found in the cellar earlier.

546. Well, can you read it?

547. I'll try.

548. It says that, in reading the incantation out loud...

549. - The one you read out loud earlier? - Right.

550. That, in reading the spell, the spirit of the beast

551. will be released into the world of the living,

552. to corrupt, kill, and collect souls.

553. It even mentions the soul shroud.

554. What about this?

555. It says that it'll kill the beast, if...

556. I can't understand the rest.

557. Well, I'm not ready to believe that the drawing in that book

558. is alive and running around the house somewhere.

559. Look, everybody, somebody cooled Biff, and it wasn't one of us.

560. If it'll make you feel any better, we'll find Rox.

561. - I'm sure she can explain everything. - Okay, gals. Let's go. Come on.

562. Why are we starting in the basement? I hate the basement.

563. I think it's better if we start at the bottom and work our way up.

564. I wouldn't want this to be the last place we ended up in.

565. Hey, look. The light's on. Maybe somebody's down there.

566. - Oh, great. - Come on.

567. - Nobody's here. Let's go. - Not so fast.

568. It's obvious someone's been here.

569. - And recently. - Well, it's obvious they're not here now.

570. Boy, are my feet killing me.

571. What the hell's with you two?

572. What are we gonna do?

573. We don't have a car, we don't have a phone.

574. - We don't got shit. - Okay, everybody calm down.

575. Now, we know Roxanne is dead. That means there's somebody else around.

576. - Maybe even in this house. - The beast in the book!

577. Will you stop with the frickin' beast? This is reality!

578. Now, let's get to the kitchen and get a big knife.

579. Then what?

580. Then we get our asses over to Mr. Hinchlow's,

581. use his telephone and call the cops.

582. There goes our paychecks.

583. Hey, Burt's dead, so who is gonna pay us anyway?

584. You're right.

585. Well, at least we don't have to clean up the place. Come on.

586. Biff's gone!

587. That means the killer is probably still here!

588. Well, I guess those owners didn't exactly leave everything behind.

589. So now what?

590. Well, there's a dagger out on the coffee table.

591. Right, let's get it!

592. - Oh, geez, don't do that! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

593. I just saw your boss pull up in front, and I thought I'd check on you myself.

594. - Everything all right? - No, everything's not okay.

595. - Someone's killed three of our friends. - I was afraid of that.

596. - There's something very odd about this place. - We're figuring that out.

597. Can we use your phone?

598. Oh, certainly. I live down the block.

599. F-follow me.

600. Very strange weather we're having. They say it might rain.

601. You sure you wanna go out in that weather dressed like this?

602. Buddy, we'd go out naked if we had to.

603. - Well, let's get the dagger for protection. - Yeah, let's do it.

604. Y-y-you don't need that. You're perfectly safe with me.

605. Just a little insurance, Mr. Hinchlow.

606. You ever seen this before?

607. Well...

608. It's a wild guess...

609. but I'd say that this...

610. is an ancient Cantarian warlock's demon spell book

611. from late 17th century England,

612. brought here by Gideon Fisk in the early 1930s.

613. And the source of all the problems in this house.

614. Sounds like you know it pretty well, Mr. Hinchlow.

615. You might say I've gotten something out of it.

616. Roxanne!

617. - You're alive. - Where's Hinchlow? He was just there.

618. Mr. Hinchlow's gone.

619. That still doesn't explain how you happen to be alive.

620. We thought you were dead.

621. Yeah, was it some kind of joke or something?

622. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist playing a trick on you.

623. I mean, this place is so spooky.

624. You mean Biff and Burt are in on this, too?

625. - Ooh, I could just kill you guys. - Please, not yet.

626. What's with the book?

627. Meg thought some drawing came to life and was trying to kill all of us.

628. That's pretty far out. Can I see?

629. Remember that horrible drawing?

630. The one of that ugly, disgusting, repuslive, inhuman slime beast?

631. - Yes. I remember. - Well, the drawing is gone.

632. Meg, I think your eyes must be playing tricks on you.

633. - I don't think so. - Such an imagination.

634. - So where's Biff and that Burt jerk? - In the cellar.

635. Probably laughing their heads off right now.

636. - Come on, girls. Let's go kick some butt. - Let's do it.

637. All right, macho man, the game's over! Get up on your feet!

638. You slimeballs are really in for it now, come on!

639. That was really cruel, you guys! Not funny at all!

640. Playing possum, huh?

641. Let's see if I can kick a field goal this time!

642. Roxanne...

643. - I don't think this guy's kidding us. - He's not.

644. Oh, shit!

645. Meg was right.

646. The book is one picture short.

647. And it's me.

648. You let me out.

649. I suppose I should thank you for that.

650. But I haven't got the time right now.

651. - Where's Roxanne? - Why, dead, of course.

652. After my release, I needed only a taste of human blood

653. to be come real again, but I can only truly be free

654. if I send the master some fresh souls for his collection.

655. - Us? - Yes, he'll like you.

656. Nice tits.

657. Of course, getting there is the unpleasant part.

658. I think the book said that the beast could be destroyed

659. by plunging that old dagger into its heart.

660. Great, I left it upstairs.

661. I think Terry and Jan should go first.

662. You and I can play for a little while if you want to, Meg.

663. - K-know any good games? - I think we should make a break for it.

664. - Ooh, when? - Now!

665. Oh, Meg, let's get going! Come on!

666. Meg, get the knife!

667. It's gone! The knife is gone!

668. - She's upstairs! - What are we gonna do?

669. Why don't you check out the book?

670. There must be some other way to kill her.

671. - Well? - I'm too scared! My brain won't work.

672. Shit!

673. - Maybe this'll do the trick. - The book only mentions a dagger.

674. Well, fuck the dagger! This is all we've got! Come on!

675. Come on!

676. Where are we going?

677. - Straight to Hell, if you don't watch it. - We've got to get her.

678. If we wait for her, we're gonna be sitting ducks.

679. Well, we can make a run for it. We don't have to fight it.

680. Look, kid, if we don't get it right now, it might be loose forever, and then what?

681. I mean, we've got some kind of supernatural monster running around!

682. It's not gonna just leave us alone because we ran away from it!

683. - But— - No buts!

684. Now, we've gotta do this while we have a chance!

685. Okay, this thing has killed our friends! Now we've gotta do something!

686. We can go to Hinchlow's and call the cops. Let them handle it.

687. How do we really know that Hinchlow is Hinchlow?

688. Now come on! Let's kick some monster butt!

689. - Don't do that! - Sorry.

690. I don't see her.

691. Get away from me, you monster!

692. Run, Meg! Run!

693. It's just you and me now, Meg.

694. I'm coming for you, Meg.

695. We have some unfinished business to take care of.

696. I hope you're not too tired.

697. Tangy, but not too tart.

698. This is a very old piece of material.

699. All I have to do, is place this over your body when you're dead,

700. and your soul will fly to Hell... like that.

701. But you have to be careful how you use it.

702. - It can be very indiscriminate. - Why are you doing this?

703. You're free! What more do you want?

704. Can't you guess?

705. No?

706. I want all the others set free, too.

707. All the pictures in the book.

708. They want to live again, too. Just like me.

709. I want you to read that incantation out loud.

710. Again and again, until they've all been released.

711. And then I want to eat your soul.

712. So, it's you.

713. Yes.

714. - Get lost on your way to Hell? - I've come to destroy you.

715. And you think that will save your soul

716. from the eternal damnation you brought upon yourself?

717. It's a good place to start.

718. You'll never be free.

719. As long as there's a dark side, we'll always be here.

720. Waiting. Ready.

721. You can't kill us. We're too strong for you.

722. - For anyone. - I can try.

723. After all, you're nothing but a doodle.

724. - How dare you! - I may have failed in the past.

725. But this time I'm going to erase you once and for all.

726. And how do you plan to accomplish that, Gideon Fisk?

727. With this.

728. Man, that really hurts.

729. Better get back in that book.

730. The book! It's trying to get back into the book.

731. If that happens, it can never be destroyed.

732. The fireplace! We can burn it.

733. If I can just make it another step or two.

734. Oh, boy, this really cracks me up.

735. Hey, where ya going, baby? Don't be so hasty.

736. Not the fire! No! Anything but the fire!

737. - Throw it in the fire! - Oh, I was hoping he wouldn't say that.

738. Now!

739. Oh, man, why'd you have to do that?

740. You little bitch! I'll get you in the sequel for this!

741. What a world! I'm melting!

742. I suppose you're wondering what this is all about.

743. I know I must seem a little late to you,

744. but I had to wait for the right time to act.

745. What happened?

746. I'm the one who brought the book to America years ago.

747. I thought it held knowledge. How wrong I was.

748. I released a terror that has cursed me for an eternity, until now.

749. I don't understand. Who are you?

750. I am the cause of all the misery.

751. For years after my death, I waited in limbo,

752. hoping to find someone who could transform the book

753. into a living thing, so I could destroy it.

754. Now you've done that for me, and it's over.

755. So now what happens?

756. The curse which hangs over me because of my evil mischief has lifted,

757. and the demon is vanquished to Hell.

758. Your world is safe now.

759. Yes...

760. but all my friends are dead, because of your mischief.

761. Oh, I don't think so.

762. I think you'll find them very much alive.

763. You see, the beast never truly existed.

764. And now, neither do I.

765. Goodbye, little one. Good luck.

766. Hey, Meg. What are you doing up so early?

767. Oh, God, it's you! It's really you!

768. Well, of course it's me.

769. Hey, where are the others?

770. In the cellar, I think.

771. Did you guys have a party last night after I crashed out, or what?

772. Yeah, sort of. But I think it's over now.

773. Morning, kids!

774. Thought I'd stop by to see how your night was.

775. It was rough, Mr. Hinchlow. I think I sprained my knee or something.

776. - They were partying all night. - Oh, is that so?

777. Well, I think I have an Ace bandage down at my place if you'd like to use it.

778. But first, how about some hot coffee?

779. - I brung it on my thermos! - I think I could use it.

780. - My God, what a hangover. - You're telling me.

781. What happened?

782. I don't know, but you guys have some explaining to do.

783. I don't even remember who I did it with.

784. At least you're alive.

785. I brought along my portable TV set in case you'd like to use it.

786. That's nice, but why?

787. Hell, it's Saturday morning.

788. Don't tell me you kids don't enjoy a good cartoon?