1. Congratulations, Hudson
High class of 2004.Copy !req
2. There she is. Fiona!Copy !req
3. Bye.Copy !req
4. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
5. - Ha, ha.
- Hey, you.Copy !req
6. Mm.Copy !req
7. - Congratulations, graduate.
- Thanks, baby.Copy !req
8. And congratulations
to you, Cooper.Copy !req
9. Aw. Thanks, baby.Copy !req
10. Nice try.Copy !req
11. All right. See you at
Wade's party tonight?Copy !req
12. - See you then.
- All right.Copy !req
13. So it's just you and me
for the entire summer.Copy !req
14. Next year you graduate,
join me at college.Copy !req
15. See? Just like we planned.Copy !req
16. - Scott, we need to talk.
- Yeah? About what?Copy !req
17. About me dumping you.Copy !req
18. Huh?Copy !req
19. There he is. The graduate and his
beautiful girlfriend. Huh? Okay?Copy !req
20. Smile, you two.Copy !req
21. - Action.
- Dad, Morn, Grandma...Copy !req
22. Uncle Moke, uh...Copy !req
23. I'm gonna need a
minute here, okay?Copy !req
24. What do you mean,
you're dumping me?Copy !req
25. Scott, I just can't take all the lying
and cheating on each other anymore.Copy !req
26. What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.Copy !req
27. I know. That's what
makes this so hard.Copy !req
28. You're looking good, you guys.Copy !req
29. Scotty, it's not you.Copy !req
30. It's me.Copy !req
31. There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.Copy !req
32. You're just so...Copy !req
33. predictable. - Smile!Copy !req
34. So that's it.Copy !req
35. Here's your letter jacket back.
Goodbye.Copy !req
36. This isn't mine.Copy !req
37. She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow.Copy !req
38. Oh, my God.Copy !req
39. Fiona!Copy !req
40. Let's see that again.Copy !req
41. Fiona!Copy !req
42. - This is just so brutal.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
43. And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.Copy !req
44. - Fiona!
- Bert, get out of here.Copy !req
45. Ha, ha. Okay. See you, Coop.Copy !req
46. All right. Stay black, Bert.Copy !req
47. Ha, ha. "Fiona!"Copy !req
48. Mail, motherfucker!Copy !req
49. Hey, I got one from Mieke.Copy !req
50. "Happy herzlichen."Copy !req
51. You still writing that guy? I thought
that was just for German class.Copy !req
52. Uh, yeah, it was at first, but we're
actually becoming good friends.Copy !req
53. He's a really cool guy.Copy !req
54. "Dear Mieke, greetings from
your American pen pal."Copy !req
55. Scotty, Girl Scouts
have pen pals.Copy !req
56. Listen to yourself, all right?Copy !req
57. You met a "cool guy"
on the "Internet."Copy !req
58. This is how these sexual predators work.
Next thing you know...Copy !req
59. he's gonna want to
"arrange a meeting"...Copy !req
60. uh, where he will gas you, stuff
you in the back of his van...Copy !req
61. and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.Copy !req
62. - Ha, ha.
- Come on, let's go to Wade's.Copy !req
63. All right. Screw it. Let's go.Copy !req
64. I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.Copy !req
65. Auf wiedersehen, Mieke.Copy !req
66. - Heh. What's up, losers?
- What's up, Jenny?Copy !req
67. What's up, dude?Copy !req
68. - Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore.
- That's very sweet of you. Thanks.Copy !req
69. Enough Fiona talk. Look around.
There's gotta be 100 drunk girls.Copy !req
70. We should try to have sex
with every one of them.Copy !req
71. Hello? Mixed company?Copy !req
72. What?Copy !req
73. - I'm a girl.
- No, you're not.Copy !req
74. - You're just a cool guy with long hair.
- So where's your evil twin brother at?Copy !req
75. Jenny!Copy !req
76. Oh. There he is.Copy !req
77. Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see.Copy !req
78. Mm. Why'd you get
me gin and tonic?Copy !req
79. - I hate gin.
- You do?Copy !req
80. You guys are the
worst twins ever.Copy !req
81. "ALL". Chug! Chug! Chug!Copy !req
82. - When are you guys taking off?
- Tomorrow morning.Copy !req
83. Hey, Wade. Great party, bud.Copy !req
84. Man, I am so excited.Copy !req
85. A whole summer, backpacking
around Europe.Copy !req
86. You should've come with us instead
of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty!Copy !req
87. Oh! It's gonna be so awesome.Copy !req
88. Yeah. I planned every detail of
the trip to maximize the fun.Copy !req
89. You brought a
guidebook to a party?Copy !req
90. - Do you wanna see my itinerary?
- Do you wanna see my balls?Copy !req
91. You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?Copy !req
92. Paris! I can't wait.Copy !req
93. I heard two years ago,
Nicky Jager's sister,Copy !req
94. Debbie, met a wealthy
French guy...Copy !req
95. and spent a month sailing the
Mediterranean on his yacht.Copy !req
96. Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?Copy !req
97. Stuck on a boat with
a weird French guy?Copy !req
98. - That sounds a little gay.
- It's not gay. I'm a girl.Copy !req
99. - Kind of gay.
- A little gay.Copy !req
100. All right, I gotta piss
like a pregnant woman.Copy !req
101. Hey, listen up, everybody.Copy !req
102. Got a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.Copy !req
103. Gonna play a little song for you
about the nastiest, freakiest...Copy !req
104. little sex puppet I know...Copy !req
105. Fiona.Copy !req
106. This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.Copy !req
107. Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and me.Copy !req
108. Do it in my van every Sunday.Copy !req
109. She tells him she's in
church But she doesn't go.Copy !req
110. Still, she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
111. Oh, Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
112. So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
113. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
114. I hope we're just as
popular in college...Copy !req
115. as we were in high school.Copy !req
116. - We Will be.
- I know.Copy !req
117. Who needs more Chablis?Copy !req
118. - Candy, wanna come with?
- No, I'll stay here.Copy !req
119. Hello, Candy.Copy !req
120. - "Whoops!
- Aah!"Copy !req
121. Ha, ha. Holy cow!Copy !req
122. Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car.Copy !req
123. I can't believe
he's so trusting.Copy !req
124. While I'm right
behind you thrustingCopy !req
125. 'Cause Scotty doesn't
know Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
126. Cooper Harris, you're a pig.Copy !req
127. Uh, Candy, before you go, uh,
you might wanna clean that off.Copy !req
128. Clean what off?Copy !req
129. It's like, uh, dirt, or something.
Go like this.Copy !req
130. Well, no, it's kind of
under, and to the side...Copy !req
131. and under.Copy !req
132. - Is it off?
- No.Copy !req
133. I think your top is
getting in the way.Copy !req
134. - Really?
- Trust me.Copy !req
135. That's better. Uh,
but keep rubbing it.Copy !req
136. I did it with her
on his birthday.Copy !req
137. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
138. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
139. Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
140. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.Copy !req
141. No, it's just not coming off.Copy !req
142. - What is it?
- Fine, I'll do it. Come here.Copy !req
143. Oh, my God. Candy.Copy !req
144. Cooper.Copy !req
145. Hey.Copy !req
146. This isn't where
I parked my car.Copy !req
147. Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
148. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
149. Scotty doesn't know Scotty
doesn't, Scotty doesn't...Copy !req
150. Hey.Copy !req
151. Scotty doesn't know.
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
152. This band rocks.Copy !req
153. Yeah.Copy !req
154. Mail, motherfucker.Copy !req
155. Hey, Mieke.Copy !req
156. "Dear Scott, I was very sad to hear about
your lady woman, Fiona, dumping you."Copy !req
157. Since you no longer have a girlfriend,
maybe I could come to America...Copy !req
158. and we could get to
know each other better.Copy !req
159. Perhaps we could...Copy !req
160. "... zussamen."Copy !req
161. What the fuck is "zussamen"?Copy !req
162. "Arrange a meeting."Copy !req
163. No, no, no. Come on.
Cooper was right.Copy !req
164. This guy wants to
have sex with me.Copy !req
165. Um, "listen, Mieke..."Copy !req
166. I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you.Copy !req
167. You sick, German freak.Copy !req
168. So please keep your hands
off my genitals...Copy !req
169. and never write to me again,
and don't come to America.Copy !req
170. "Good bye."Copy !req
171. Ow.Copy !req
172. I'm never drinking again.Copy !req
173. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
174. - Bert, what are you doing?
- Reading your e-mail.Copy !req
175. Don't do that.Copy !req
176. Why are you wearing my bathrobe?Copy !req
177. Oh, I'm sorry...Copy !req
178. but somebody pissed all
over mine last night.Copy !req
179. Wow. I can't believe this German chick
wants to come here and hook up with you.Copy !req
180. I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.Copy !req
181. Um, no, it says right here,
"trauriges madchen. ".Copy !req
182. "I was a sad girl to
hear about Fiona."Copy !req
183. I'm taking Intro to German,
and even I know that.Copy !req
184. Come here.Copy !req
185. He sent me a picture, retardo.Copy !req
186. See? That's a picture of Mieke
and that's his cute cousin, Jan.Copy !req
187. No, retardo.Copy !req
188. That's Jan, a man's name,
and that's not "Mike."Copy !req
189. It's "Mieke". A common
German girl's name...Copy !req
190. similar to our Michelle.Copy !req
191. I hope you wrote her back and
told her to come and visit.Copy !req
192. You didn't?Copy !req
193. You thought she was a guy.Copy !req
194. I'm getting the video camera.
Ha.Copy !req
195. - What an asshole.
- No. No.Copy !req
196. No.Copy !req
197. No!Copy !req
198. "Address blocked"?
"E-mail not delivered."Copy !req
199. No. No, come on.Copy !req
200. Hey, Mom made waffles.Copy !req
201. - What's going on?
- I'm in love with my pen pal.Copy !req
202. I'm in love with Mieke.Copy !req
203. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
204. You know what? I was
actually expecting this.Copy !req
205. And frankly, I'm flattered you
picked me to come out to first.Copy !req
206. And don't worry about
telling your folks...Copy !req
207. because, uh, I think
they already know.Copy !req
208. No, you idiot.
Mieke is a girl.Copy !req
209. No, no, I get it. Yeah. He's the
girl, and you're the girl...Copy !req
210. and sometimes, uh,
you're both the girl.Copy !req
211. Right? Right? That's hot.Copy !req
212. But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.Copy !req
213. Will you stop? Look, come here.
Look at this picture.Copy !req
214. Wow. Who's the hot chick?Copy !req
215. That's Mieke. I mean, Mieke.Copy !req
216. That's Mieke? That's who you've
been writing to all this time?Copy !req
217. Until last night, when
I took your advice andCopy !req
218. told her to keep her
hands off my genitals.Copy !req
219. Given what we know now, that seems like
the exact opposite of what you want.Copy !req
220. This is a total disaster.Copy !req
221. Oh, come on. It's not that bad.Copy !req
222. Though she is really hot.Copy !req
223. You're not listening. I don't
even care what she looks like.Copy !req
224. Mieke and I, we had
this incredible bond.Copy !req
225. I told her things I
couldn't even tell you.Copy !req
226. Like what?Copy !req
227. Nothing. It's a figure
of speech, Coop.Copy !req
228. - No, seriously. What?
- Nothing. The point is...Copy !req
229. - You like me better, right?
- Listen...Copy !req
230. this girl is not only smart and
funny, and stunningly beautiful...Copy !req
231. but until I screwed up, she wanted
to come all the way to America...Copy !req
232. just to be with me.Copy !req
233. - So do something about it.
- What can I do?Copy !req
234. She blocked her e-mail account,
her phone number's not listed.Copy !req
235. The only thing I know
is she lives in Berlin.Copy !req
236. So go to Berlin.Copy !req
237. I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.Copy !req
238. - Why not?
- Because.Copy !req
239. I just can't, okay? I'm supposed
to work for my Dad this summer.Copy !req
240. It looks good on my
med-school application.Copy !req
241. Oh, Jesus, Scotty.Copy !req
242. Man, Fiona was right.
You're so predictable.Copy !req
243. - I'm going to Germany.
- No.Copy !req
244. We're going to Germany.Copy !req
245. How are we going
to get to Germany?Copy !req
246. Don't worry. I've
got it covered.Copy !req
247. We're going to be couriers?Copy !req
248. It's the best way to
get a cheap flight.Copy !req
249. All we have to do is carry their packages,
and then drop them off when we get there.Copy !req
250. - My cousin did it when he went to India.
- Yeah?Copy !req
251. Yeah. Of course, he, uh, ended up using
a public restroom in New Delhi...Copy !req
252. and, uh, they had to cut off his leg.
You know...Copy !req
253. but he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.Copy !req
254. Okay, I don't have anything
to Germany for a week.Copy !req
255. Uh, but I can get you both
to London today for $118.Copy !req
256. Anything else?Copy !req
257. Europe is like the size
of the Eastwood Mall.Copy !req
258. We can walk to
Berlin from there.Copy !req
259. Cooper, England's an island.Copy !req
260. Okay, swim. Whatever.Copy !req
261. We'll take it.Copy !req
262. - Hey.
- "Hmm?"Copy !req
263. Thanks for coming with me.Copy !req
264. I know you had that internship
at the law firm this summer.Copy !req
265. Well, forget about the law firm.Copy !req
266. And don't thank me. I
should be thanking you.Copy !req
267. This trip is a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunityCopy !req
268. for me to broaden
my sexual horizons.Copy !req
269. Ha, ha. What are
you talking about?Copy !req
270. I'm talking about
crazy European sex.Copy !req
271. Ah.Copy !req
272. - You know America was founded by prudes.
- Mm.Copy !req
273. Prudes who left Europe...Copy !req
274. because they hated all the kinky,
steamy European sex that was going on.Copy !req
275. And now I, uh, Cooper Harris...Copy !req
276. will return to the land of
my perverted forefathers...Copy !req
277. and claim my birthright...Copy !req
278. which is a series of erotic and
sexually challenging adventures.Copy !req
279. You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?Copy !req
280. It's my passion.Copy !req
281. Come on, come on.Copy !req
282. The adventure begins.Copy !req
283. Welcome to jolly old England.Copy !req
284. Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, European air.Copy !req
285. - Oh.
- What is that?Copy !req
286. Uh, it's the phone they
gave me at the law firm.Copy !req
287. Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?Copy !req
288. - Works anywhere.
- Yeah?Copy !req
289. Excuse me.Copy !req
290. Cooper here.Copy !req
291. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
292. Uh, yes, sir, I'm
down in file storage.Copy !req
293. Uh, hang on one second.Copy !req
294. No, sir, I can't find the
Gutterman file anywhere.Copy !req
295. Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.Copy !req
296. No, I don't rest
until I find it.Copy !req
297. Didn't tell your boss you
were leaving the country?Copy !req
298. - They would've stopped paying me.
- Right.Copy !req
299. It seemed easier.Copy !req
300. - So where to?
- Uh, I don't know.Copy !req
301. First bus to Berlin doesn't
leave till tomorrow.Copy !req
302. What do you wanna do? Got
the Tower of London...Copy !req
303. there's Buckingham Palace.Copy !req
304. - Uh...
- There's no drinking age.Copy !req
305. - There you go.
- Come on.Copy !req
306. Hey. "The Feisty Goat."Copy !req
307. All right.Copy !req
308. What do you wanna...?Copy !req
309. Soccer hooligans.Copy !req
310. Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car.Copy !req
311. (Dy-.Copy !req
312. Who the bloody hell are you?Copy !req
313. This is a private members bar,
exclusively for the supporters...Copy !req
314. of the greatest football
team in the world:Copy !req
315. Manchester United.Copy !req
316. Now, please, enlighten me.Copy !req
317. Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
318. That is a good
question, and, Scotty?Copy !req
319. Huh?Copy !req
320. We're the Manchester
United Fan Club...Copy !req
321. from Ohio.Copy !req
322. If you're Manchester
United supporters...Copy !req
323. sing the Manchester
United song.Copy !req
324. Ahem. Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I'm not much of a singer.Copy !req
325. Aah! Sing!Copy !req
326. My baby takes the
morning train.Copy !req
327. He works from 9 to 5 and then.Copy !req
328. He takes another home again.Copy !req
329. To find me...Copy !req
330. Watching the Manchester
United football team.Copy !req
331. Huh?Copy !req
332. The best freaking team in all the land.
Woo-hoo!Copy !req
333. Pretty good.Copy !req
334. - Pretty dang good, lads.
- Yeah.Copy !req
335. To find me waiting for himCopy !req
336. I've unblocked your
e-mail address...Copy !req
337. but this Scott
is not responding.Copy !req
338. He was the one.Copy !req
339. I was going to give
myself to him.Copy !req
340. Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else.Copy !req
341. I'm never drinking again.Copy !req
342. Coop, wake up.Copy !req
343. Oh, man, that was a wild night.Copy !req
344. You think?Copy !req
345. Scotty, where the
hell are we going?Copy !req
346. Don't worry. If anything bad
happens, my parents will find us.Copy !req
347. Honey, where's Scotty?Copy !req
348. Cooper said they
were going camping.Copy !req
349. Oh. That's nice.Copy !req
350. And where's Bert?Copy !req
351. Fuck if I know.Copy !req
352. Hey! How are you, you scalawag.Copy !req
353. Look, given the current
geopolitical climate...Copy !req
354. all European countries should
have a seat at the table.Copy !req
355. - Right.
- Except those fucking Ities.Copy !req
356. I hate them Italian bastards.Copy !req
357. - You know what I mean?
- Excuse me.Copy !req
358. Hello, boy-o.Copy !req
359. What the hell
happened last night?Copy !req
360. You got steamed up,
pissed as a fart.Copy !req
361. Too much sauce, son.Copy !req
362. Don't worry. We come and got you
so you wouldn't miss the trip.Copy !req
363. What trip?Copy !req
364. Where are we going?Copy !req
365. Where are we going? We're going
to see the Mighty Reds...Copy !req
366. do the frogs in Paris.
Aren't we, boys?Copy !req
367. Yeah.Copy !req
368. Why are you yelling at me?Copy !req
369. So I tell the swamp
donkey to sack it...Copy !req
370. before I give her a tonk in
the tradesman's entrance...Copy !req
371. and have her lick me yarbles.Copy !req
372. Wow.Copy !req
373. You guys are on like a completely
different level of swearing over here.Copy !req
374. Coop? Cooper, we're
going to Paris.Copy !req
375. I know. Cecil told me.Copy !req
376. Mieke's in Berlin. We're
not going to Berlin.Copy !req
377. What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.Copy !req
378. See what I'm talking about? This
is predictable Scotty talking.Copy !req
379. Relax. Paris is practically
a suburb of Berlin.Copy !req
380. It's a nothing commute.Copy !req
381. This is why France and Germany
have always been allies.Copy !req
382. Allies.Copy !req
383. The twins. The twins
were in Paris, right?Copy !req
384. We could give them a call.
They could help us out.Copy !req
385. Let me see your phone.Copy !req
386. All right, but I'm really only supposed
to use this for business calls.Copy !req
387. Hey, don't...Copy !req
388. You're on the wrong side of the
road, you snail-eating poofs.Copy !req
389. Fuck off. Go on, you Gaelic
fucking garlic-breath tossers.Copy !req
390. Piss off. Get in here and say
that, you froggy, Itie shities.Copy !req
391. Fucking beep. We'll beep, you
bastard, all over your fucking nose.Copy !req
392. Get out of the way. Piss off.Copy !req
393. Hey, lads. That wanker's got
a frog football shirt on.Copy !req
394. Let's give this Nancy a
fucking good kicking.Copy !req
395. Come on, lads, he's going off.Copy !req
396. All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.Copy !req
397. - Look at that.
- There they are. Come on. Jenny.Copy !req
398. - Jamie.
- Hey.Copy !req
399. Come here.Copy !req
400. No, no. No, no, no.Copy !req
401. - Scott, bienvenue a Paris.
- Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
402. - What is that a new camera?
- This isn't just a camera...Copy !req
403. this is a Leica M7.Copy !req
404. Über-sensitive exposure settings,
legendary cloth-shutter system.Copy !req
405. - Let me see that thing.
- No can do.Copy !req
406. I spent the last four years tutoring
lacrosse players to pay for it...Copy !req
407. so nobody touches
my camera but me.Copy !req
408. - So it's like your Wiener.
- No, it's not like my...Copy !req
409. - Jenny.
- Cooper, leave him alone.Copy !req
410. Wow, I can't believe you came all
the way to Europe for a girl.Copy !req
411. Oh, wait, no, not just any girl.
Show her the picture, Scotty.Copy !req
412. She makes every girl in our
high school look like a walrus.Copy !req
413. - I'm a girl from your high school.
- No, I mean "girl" girls.Copy !req
414. Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.
We're in Paris.Copy !req
415. Let's go to the Louvre.Copy !req
416. To the Louvre.Copy !req
417. So you guys wanna stay here...Copy !req
418. or should we check out the
huge line at the Eiffel Tower?Copy !req
419. Here's a fun fact.Copy !req
420. Voltaire contracted syphilis
just two blocks from here.Copy !req
421. - Should we go?
- Can we please get out of here?Copy !req
422. - This guy's really creeping me out.
- Who, robot man?Copy !req
423. He's just trying to
feed his robot family.Copy !req
424. - I really don't like him.
- Why?Copy !req
425. Because he's doing this?Copy !req
426. All right. Okay,
seriously, don't do that.Copy !req
427. Cooper. Do not hate me.Copy !req
428. I am familiar with over 600 dance
moves and I am programmed to get:Copy !req
429. Freaky.Copy !req
430. Ha, ha. You're just upset because
people like me better. It's okay.Copy !req
431. Oh.Copy !req
432. Fight. Fight.Copy !req
433. Break the leg, Scott.Copy !req
434. Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.Copy !req
435. - Oh.
- That was not cool.Copy !req
436. Guys, let's go. Come on.Copy !req
437. Error. Error. Error.Copy !req
438. How cool is this?Copy !req
439. It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.Copy !req
440. - Why don't you come to Berlin?
- Mm, no.Copy !req
441. Jamie, come on. In a few months,
we all go to different colleges.Copy !req
442. This could be the last chance the
four of us are together like this.Copy !req
443. Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?Copy !req
444. This should be the
trip of a lifetime.Copy !req
445. There's no way we
should split up.Copy !req
446. All right, this table
is now Europe, okay?Copy !req
447. Ahem. Excuse me. We are
right here, in Paris...Copy !req
448. and I have got to get to Mieke,
who is over here, in Berlin.Copy !req
449. If you come with us, I'm sure there's a
ton of great stuff to see along the way.Copy !req
450. - We can go to Denmark.
- I love Denmark.Copy !req
451. - We gotta hit Amsterdam.
- Definitely.Copy !req
452. And the cathedral at Cameret.Copy !req
453. - Yeah. Maybe.
- Maybe. We'll see.Copy !req
454. - Whatever.
- If there's time.Copy !req
455. Come on. I really want you to
be there when I meet Mieke.Copy !req
456. - Fine.
- Excellent.Copy !req
457. - All right. A toast.
- Yes.Copy !req
458. - Ahem. To Mieke.
- To Europe.Copy !req
459. To Europe.Copy !req
460. - Berlin, here we come.
- All right.Copy !req
461. Better let me hold on to those.Copy !req
462. - What the hell is that?
- It's a traveler's money belt.Copy !req
463. Frommer's says as long as
you have one of these...Copy !req
464. no one can rob
you of anything.Copy !req
465. Except your dignity.Copy !req
466. No, you just put that in your...Copy !req
467. Wait, what?Copy !req
468. Come on, Guidebook. Let's go.Copy !req
469. Check it out.Copy !req
470. European ass.Copy !req
471. What's up?Copy !req
472. Jesus, Jenny. I thought
you were some...Copy !req
473. girl. Come on. Platform 4.Copy !req
474. Thanks.Copy !req
475. Damn.Copy !req
476. I believe this is yours.Copy !req
477. Pleased to meet you.Copy !req
478. My name is Christoph.Copy !req
479. - Jenny, let's go.
- Come on, move it.Copy !req
480. Those are my friends. We're supposed
to get on a train to Berlin...Copy !req
481. - Jenny!
- I'm coming!Copy !req
482. So it was really
nice to meet you.Copy !req
483. The pleasure was all mine.Copy !req
484. Jennifer.Copy !req
485. Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and me.Copy !req
486. Do it in my van on Sundays.Copy !req
487. Tells him she's...Copy !req
488. What?Copy !req
489. You gotta admit, it's
a really catchy tune.Copy !req
490. Tells him she's in church
But she doesn't go.Copy !req
491. Still she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
492. Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
493. Scotty doesn't...Copy !req
494. You know, there are a lot of
other empty compartments.Copy !req
495. Huh?Copy !req
496. Ah.Copy !req
497. Pardon me.Copy !req
498. Eh?Copy !req
499. Oh.Copy !req
500. Oh, ow!Copy !req
501. Hi.Copy !req
502. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
503. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
504. - Uh-oh.
- What?Copy !req
505. Big tunnel.Copy !req
506. Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?Copy !req
507. Who's touching me? Scotty.Copy !req
508. Crane Sur Mer. We
change trains here.Copy !req
509. Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.Copy !req
510. What's there to
see in this town?Copy !req
511. Hello? The Monument
des Poissonières.Copy !req
512. It's a monument to all the local
fishermen that were lost at sea.Copy !req
513. Frommer's says it's supposed
to be quite moving.Copy !req
514. What the hell is wrong
with you, C-3PO?Copy !req
515. We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.Copy !req
516. I'm taking a nap. Wake me up
when the train gets here.Copy !req
517. Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.Copy !req
518. All right, we can't all
just lie around all Clay.Copy !req
519. We gotta get out there and
experience the culture firsthand.Copy !req
520. Let's go exploring.Copy !req
521. So, what's the
etiquette on boners?Copy !req
522. Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it
or is it cool to just let my flag fly?Copy !req
523. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
524. Does "nude beach" mean we
have to get naked too?Copy !req
525. Of course.Copy !req
526. Do you think you can go an hour
without your currency colostomy bag?Copy !req
527. Hey. Hey, as long as this thing has
our money and passports in it...Copy !req
528. it's not coming off, and my
trunks aren't coming off, either.Copy !req
529. Come on, Jamie. You came
all the way to Europe.Copy !req
530. Can't wimp out now.Copy !req
531. Okay.Copy !req
532. - All right, on the count of three.
- Here we go.Copy !req
533. - Ahem.
- Three, two, one...Copy !req
534. Ha, ha. Look at Jamie's penis.Copy !req
535. - Ha, ha.
- Very funny. Very funny.Copy !req
536. All right. All right. Ahem.Copy !req
537. Let the crazy, European
sex odyssey begin.Copy !req
538. - Here we go.
- Really?Copy !req
539. - Yes.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
540. Hello, ladies.Copy !req
541. - Ladies?
- Bitches?Copy !req
542. Ew. What a rip. There's no nude girls here,
just guys like us looking for nude girls.Copy !req
543. I don't understand.Copy !req
544. Evans Sur Met has one of the best
nude beaches on the continent.Copy !req
545. However...Copy !req
546. during the summer,
the European women areCopy !req
547. chased away by gawking
male tourists...Copy !req
548. so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists
head to the deserted beach...Copy !req
549. "... right next to the
Monument des Poissonières. ".Copy !req
550. There's so many penises.Copy !req
551. Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.Copy !req
552. This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.Copy !req
553. It's the International
House of Sausage.Copy !req
554. Hey.Copy !req
555. - Thanks for waiting.
- You're not missing anything.Copy !req
556. It's all guys.Copy !req
557. Well, at least the sun's out.Copy !req
558. Holy crap.Copy !req
559. What? I thought this
was a nude beach.Copy !req
560. No!Copy !req
561. - Huh?
- No, no.Copy !req
562. What? What are you doing?Copy !req
563. Jenny, you gotta cover up.
Cover up, cover up.Copy !req
564. Girl?Copy !req
565. Girl.Copy !req
566. Ooh, girl. Girl. Ooh, girl.Copy !req
567. Girl. Girl.Copy !req
568. Run.Copy !req
569. I'm not gonna make it.Copy !req
570. - Go on without me.
- All right. See you.Copy !req
571. Are you reading, uh,
Mieke's old e-mails again?Copy !req
572. Mm-hm. Yeah.Copy !req
573. I have no idea what I'm going to
say to that girl when I see her.Copy !req
574. You know, she said I
might be the one?Copy !req
575. That's huge.Copy !req
576. I've never been
"the one" before.Copy !req
577. Thought I was "the one" with Fiona,
but turns out I was, what, 101?Copy !req
578. - Two hundred.
- Two hundred.Copy !req
579. Look, you got nothing
to worry about.Copy !req
580. You'll show up and sweep
her off her German feet.Copy !req
581. Thanks.Copy !req
582. Yeah.Copy !req
583. I Will, Won't I?Copy !req
584. I'm so sad and lonely.Copy !req
585. I just wish someone would show up
and sweep me off my German feet.Copy !req
586. Mieke. I'm here.Copy !req
587. Scotty.Copy !req
588. About that last e-mail.
I'm so sorry...Copy !req
589. The past is the past.
You're here now.Copy !req
590. I've been saving myself for you.Copy !req
591. Let us make love for
one whole month.Copy !req
592. Touch me, Scotty.Copy !req
593. 0K8Copy !req
594. Oh, Scott.Copy !req
595. Guys, our train doesn't
leave till morning.Copy !req
596. Where will we sleep tonight?Copy !req
597. What do you mean, sleep?Copy !req
598. We can sleep on the
train tomorrow.Copy !req
599. This is the best thing
that could've happened.Copy !req
600. We're in Amsterdam.Copy !req
601. This is the drug and
sex capital of Europe.Copy !req
602. Take a look at this.Copy !req
603. "Club Vandersexxx."Copy !req
604. "The Red Light District's
hottest sex club."Copy !req
605. We have to check it out.
Who's with me?Copy !req
606. I'll go.Copy !req
607. Fine. Since no one else is willing
to go, I'll just go myself.Copy !req
608. Sitting, waiting for me.Copy !req
609. This is definitely
where I parked my car.Copy !req
610. Where we met for
the first time.Copy !req
611. Hello there.Copy !req
612. Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...Copy !req
613. Amsterdam's most
erotic club...Copy !req
614. where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.Copy !req
615. Also says I get a free
T-shirt with flyer.Copy !req
616. He's American.Copy !req
617. How sad for you to grow up in
a country founded by prudes.Copy !req
618. A country overrun with
crime and illiteracy.Copy !req
619. A country where a man is
forced to make sex...Copy !req
620. to only one
woman at a time...Copy !req
621. and one must learn the
woman's name beforehand.Copy !req
622. - It was horrible.
- I know.Copy !req
623. But you can come with me...Copy !req
624. and let the
Vandersexxx begin.Copy !req
625. Ah.Copy !req
626. Marijuana in my soul.Copy !req
627. Your iguana in my hallCopy !req
628. I can't believe
we're doing this.Copy !req
629. Don't worry. Hash brownies
are totally legal here.Copy !req
630. You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.Copy !req
631. I like to smoke marijuana.Copy !req
632. - You wanna do this? Uh-huh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
633. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
634. I need a new battery
for my camera...Copy !req
635. and while you're at it, it
could use a thorough cleaning.Copy !req
636. Wow.Copy !req
637. Is that a Leica M6?Copy !req
638. Actually, it's an M7.Copy !req
639. It's got the built-in
light meter.Copy !req
640. It's so beautiful.Copy !req
641. So sleek, so powerful.Copy !req
642. How's the new lens system?Copy !req
643. Ha, ha. Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.Copy !req
644. You really know your cameras.Copy !req
645. And you're very cute.Copy !req
646. Me? Really?Copy !req
647. I'm going on break.Copy !req
648. I was going to step out
back and have a cigarette.Copy !req
649. Would you like to join me?Copy !req
650. I don't smoke.Copy !req
651. Neither do I.Copy !req
652. Hold on, hold on, hold on.Copy !req
653. What is it?Copy !req
654. This is great.Copy !req
655. You're so innocent.Copy !req
656. Let's change that, shall we?Copy !req
657. What would you like me to do?Copy !req
658. Well, I don't really know.Copy !req
659. I guess I haven't
really done that much.Copy !req
660. Um, I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars...Copy !req
661. and model U.N., advanced placement
classes, after-school tutor...Copy !req
662. Ah.Copy !req
663. Gosh, you really like cameras.Copy !req
664. Sometimes, we find our clients are
so overwhelmed with the pleasure...Copy !req
665. that they sometimes
scream out, "no"...Copy !req
666. when really they mean "yes."Copy !req
667. And this is why we
have the safe word.Copy !req
668. The safe word?Copy !req
669. If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great...Copy !req
670. you just use the safe word.Copy !req
671. Until we hear the safe
word, we will not stop.Copy !req
672. Yeah, right. Stop. All right.Copy !req
673. We're going to start slowly...Copy !req
674. teasing you with a little,
light erotic foreplay.Copy !req
675. Whee. Ha, ha.Copy !req
676. Oh, yes, ladies.Copy !req
677. On, on, Vandersexxx!Copy !req
678. Hans. Gruber.Copy !req
679. Hi.Copy !req
680. So are the girls coming back?Copy !req
681. Administer the testicle clamps!Copy !req
682. Huh? What? Hey.Copy !req
683. Safe word.Copy !req
684. What is that? That's
not a word, it's a...Copy !req
685. - Okay, mister, don't move.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
686. Shut the hell up.Copy !req
687. Oh, brother. Please
don't hurt me.Copy !req
688. Oh, no. You're fine. That's good.
You're fine.Copy !req
689. Give me cash? You got cash'?Copy !req
690. Take it all, you dirty girl.Copy !req
691. What? Your wallet. Focus.Copy !req
692. - Give it to me.
- Oh.Copy !req
693. Oh, I love you.Copy !req
694. I love you.Copy !req
695. I love you. I love you.Copy !req
696. I love you.Copy !req
697. What's so funny?Copy !req
698. Mm. I'm really hungry. I
think I've got the munchies.Copy !req
699. - Excuse me.
- Huh?Copy !req
700. It's hot in here. You hot?
Because I'm really hot.Copy !req
701. - Mm, so good.
- Okay, I can't breathe. God.Copy !req
702. I'm freaking out. I think we got a
bad batch because I'm freaking out.Copy !req
703. I can't... I can't do this.Copy !req
704. I saw a gay porno once. I
didn't know until halfway in.Copy !req
705. The girls never came.
The girls never came.Copy !req
706. I am freaking out!Copy !req
707. - Everything all right with you?
- No, nothing's all right.Copy !req
708. You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies.
You're a bad Rastafarian.Copy !req
709. These are not hash brownies.Copy !req
710. Hmm?Copy !req
711. - What was that?
- We do not sell hash brownies here.Copy !req
712. We're a simple Dutch bakery.Copy !req
713. Now put your clothes
back on, white boy.Copy !req
714. Ow. Ow. OW.Copy !req
715. Did you say fluggegecheimen?Copy !req
716. Yes. Yes. For the love of
God, fluggengecheimen.Copy !req
717. - Are you sure?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
718. As you wish.Copy !req
719. Bring on the fluggegecheimen!Copy !req
720. Wait, what?Copy !req
721. Uh-oh.Copy !req
722. No, no, no. I didn't
say fluggegecheimen.Copy !req
723. I said, uh:Copy !req
724. What'd you do last night?Copy !req
725. I don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
726. What did you guys do?Copy !req
727. Don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
728. - What is that?
- Free T-shirt.Copy !req
729. Hey, guys.Copy !req
730. - What happened to you?
- I got robbed.Copy !req
731. It was awesome.Copy !req
732. All our money, our
passports, our tickets...Copy !req
733. everything, gone.Copy !req
734. How the hell could this happen?Copy !req
735. We all go to Amsterdam and
Jamie's the one who hooks up.Copy !req
736. For shame.Copy !req
737. Oh, that's me.Copy !req
738. Coop here. Sorry.Copy !req
739. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
740. What do you mean, you never
got the Gutterman file?Copy !req
741. I told, uh, Humphrey
to give it to you.Copy !req
742. That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.Copy !req
743. Yes, sir, I will tell Humphrey to
report to your office immediately.Copy !req
744. Bye.Copy !req
745. This job's killing me.Copy !req
746. - Uh...
- Uh, let me handle this.Copy !req
747. I speak bad German.Copy !req
748. - What did he say?
- He said he's driving.Copy !req
749. - Oh.
- Something.Copy !req
750. - Yeah. Ha, ha.
- Uh...Copy !req
751. Berlin?Copy !req
752. - Berlin?
- Berlin.Copy !req
753. - He's going to Berlin.
- Awesome.Copy !req
754. - All right. Berlin.
- Come on, let's go.Copy !req
755. Next stop, Berlin.Copy !req
756. Beautiful. We made it to Berlin.Copy !req
757. Yeah. Berlin. Ha, ha.Copy !req
758. - Bratislava?
- Yeah.Copy !req
759. Bratislava.Copy !req
760. Dear sweet mother of God.Copy !req
761. We're in Eastern Europe.Copy !req
762. Ew.Copy !req
763. Excuse me.Copy !req
764. Do you speak any English?Copy !req
765. You are Americans?Copy !req
766. Yeah.Copy !req
767. I love America.Copy !req
768. We just get Miami
Vice on television.Copy !req
769. Hey, man, Miami Vice is
number one new show.Copy !req
770. - Ha, ha.
- Yeah.Copy !req
771. Um, listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.Copy !req
772. Do you know if there's a
train coming anytime soon?Copy !req
773. Oh, yes, very soon. They
are building it now.Copy !req
774. Stop. Hammer time.Copy !req
775. Enjoy Bratislava.Copy !req
776. It's good, uh, you
came in summer.Copy !req
777. In winter, it can get
very depressing.Copy !req
778. We gotta figure something out.
How much money do we have?Copy !req
779. Frommer's travel tip.Copy !req
780. I don't have anything.Copy !req
781. What? I got noth... Fine.Copy !req
782. A dollar and 83 cents American.Copy !req
783. What are we gonna get with that?Copy !req
784. Gotta love that exchange rate.Copy !req
785. Dinner is served.Copy !req
786. Would the masters care
for anything else?Copy !req
787. Think we're good. Thanks.Copy !req
788. Ah. A nickel.Copy !req
789. You see this?Copy !req
790. I quit.Copy !req
791. I open my own hotel.Copy !req
792. So we got 27 cents left.Copy !req
793. What is there to
do in this town?Copy !req
794. My Scotty.Copy !req
795. Don't tell Scotty.Copy !req
796. Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
797. Hey. This song sounds familiar.Copy !req
798. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
799. Jenny, let me check your coat.Copy !req
800. - Hey.
- Jenny.Copy !req
801. That outfit is horrible.
Just take it off now!Copy !req
802. No, but I will let
you buy me a drink.Copy !req
803. Excuse me.Copy !req
804. You are the woman from the Paris
train station, aren't you?Copy !req
805. - My name is...
- Christoph.Copy !req
806. Ha, ha. Yes.Copy !req
807. What are you doing here?Copy !req
808. This is my place. My family owns
many night clubs throughout Europe.Copy !req
809. I'd be honored if you'd join
me in my VIP room for a drink.Copy !req
810. 0K8Copy !req
811. Bye, Cooper.Copy !req
812. - What's that?
- It's Absinthe.Copy !req
813. Frommer's says it's
illegal in the States...Copy !req
814. because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.Copy !req
815. They call it "The Green Fairy."Copy !req
816. My family has a yacht
in the Aegean.Copy !req
817. Come with me, Jennifer. We
will sail away together.Copy !req
818. Oh, my God.Copy !req
819. We will swim with dolphins and
sip champagne by moonlight.Copy !req
820. Oh, my God.Copy !req
821. We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.Copy !req
822. My wife makes the best sangria.Copy !req
823. Wait. What?Copy !req
824. Sangria.Copy !req
825. You take a good Spanish rioja, and
you put in slices of orange and...Copy !req
826. No, no, no. Wait. You
said you were married?Copy !req
827. So you just go around Europe,
sleeping with every woman you meet?Copy !req
828. No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that.
I also sleep with men.Copy !req
829. I gotta say, I'm not
feeling anything.Copy !req
830. Me neither.Copy !req
831. Sober as a judge.Copy !req
832. How about you?Copy !req
833. I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.Copy !req
834. This Absinthe is bullshit.Copy !req
835. I hear you, my brother.Copy !req
836. I'm out of here.Copy !req
837. Excuse me.Copy !req
838. - Hey, so where's Christoph?
- Shut up.Copy !req
839. We don't care if you stare
'Cause the music is tight.Copy !req
840. Let me hear you say "yeah"
So we can do this right.Copy !req
841. So we can do this
right Come on.Copy !req
842. Come on Come on.Copy !req
843. - Europe.
- Europe.Copy !req
844. - Whoo.
- Europe.Copy !req
845. So tomorrow, Berlin.Copy !req
846. Tomorrow, Mieke.Copy !req
847. To sail in on the breeze?Copy !req
848. Check it out.Copy !req
849. No way.Copy !req
850. Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
Goddamn it.Copy !req
851. It's just so unfair. I've been all over the
place, looking for crazy European sex...Copy !req
852. and he's the one
who ends up...Copy !req
853. Oh, my God.Copy !req
854. That is some pretty
fucked-up shit.Copy !req
855. They really are the
worst twins ever.Copy !req
856. That was a pretty
wild night, eh?Copy !req
857. Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild.Copy !req
858. I know I was out of control.Copy !req
859. How about you guys?
Did you, uh...?Copy !req
860. All right, look. We
were really drunk...Copy !req
861. things got a little
crazy, and Jamie...Copy !req
862. kissed me.Copy !req
863. Let's just forget
about it, okay?Copy !req
864. Okay, fine. I'll give it a rest.Copy !req
865. Jamie, could I borrow
your Frommer's?Copy !req
866. Oh, here it is. Bratislava.Copy !req
867. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.Copy !req
868. Oh, here's a fun fact.Copy !req
869. You made out with
your sister, man.Copy !req
870. - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
- Like two dogs in heat.Copy !req
871. My friends, where is the beef?Copy !req
872. You go to Berlin? I'm your ride.Copy !req
873. Hop in.Copy !req
874. Hey. This is Mieke's
apartment building.Copy !req
875. Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.Copy !req
876. You'll do great, Scotty.Copy !req
877. Thanks.Copy !req
878. I came all this way. I'm
not gonna miss this.Copy !req
879. - Dude, Mieke's hideous. Run.
- Stop.Copy !req
880. Hi, uh, my name is Scott Thomas.Copy !req
881. I'm from America and
I'm here to see Mieke.Copy !req
882. I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here.Copy !req
883. - Do you know where she is?
- She's gone for the summer.Copy !req
884. My daughter had intended to
spend the summer in America...Copy !req
885. looking at colleges and
visiting some friends.Copy !req
886. But, uh, several days ago, she
suddenly changed her mind.Copy !req
887. She would not tell me why.Copy !req
888. I think I know why.Copy !req
889. Uh, this is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.Copy !req
890. As I was saying, she packed
up her bag and left.Copy !req
891. - It was all very sudden.
- Do you know where she is now?Copy !req
892. As you know, she's always been
very interested in the classics...Copy !req
893. Greek and Roman literature and history,
and she's always enjoyed the ocean...Copy !req
894. so she found a program that
combines all her interests.Copy !req
895. Do you know where she is?Copy !req
896. Mm. Uh, she enrolled in a
summer-at-sea program, based in Rome.Copy !req
897. Rome.Copy !req
898. Okay, then I guess we'll
go to Rome, then.Copy !req
899. Unfortunately, Mieke's only
in Rome for orientation.Copy !req
900. Tomorrow her group boards a boat
and she'll be gone for the summer.Copy !req
901. She'll be, uh,
quite unreachable.Copy !req
902. Unreachable.Copy !req
903. Mieke's tour group goes to
the Vatican tomorrow...Copy !req
904. then she gets on that
boat and she's gone.Copy !req
905. So it's over?Copy !req
906. Uh, hey. Thanks for sticking with
me through this, guys, but...Copy !req
907. you should probably call your parents,
have them wire you some money and go home.Copy !req
908. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
909. I'm going to Rome.Copy !req
910. I'll Walk, I'll hitchhike...Copy !req
911. I'll swim if I have to, but
I'm gonna get to Mieke somehow.Copy !req
912. Maybe that'll help.Copy !req
913. Where'd you get all that?Copy !req
914. Wait. Where's your Leica?Copy !req
915. - Sold it.
- What?Copy !req
916. You sold your Leica? But
you loved that thing.Copy !req
917. What about your photo tour of Europe?
What about the chateaus?Copy !req
918. Chateaus have been
there for 300 years.Copy !req
919. Mieke's gone in 12 hours.Copy !req
920. Let's go. Frommer's says to check in three
hours before any international flight.Copy !req
921. Come here, Guidebook.Copy !req
922. Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!Copy !req
923. All right, Summer at Sea group.Copy !req
924. Our tour begins in the Vatican Museum.
This way, please.Copy !req
925. There it is.Copy !req
926. This entrance is for
private tour groups only.Copy !req
927. Oh. But we are a
private tour group.Copy !req
928. We've come all the
way from America.Copy !req
929. That guy in the orange
jacket is mentally retarded.Copy !req
930. Si, I can tell. How
very, very sad.Copy !req
931. Yes, it is.Copy !req
932. But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?Copy !req
933. We've got a fantastic
tour guide.Copy !req
934. - Right here. Ha, ha.
- What? No.Copy !req
935. The Vatican has been used
as a papal residence...Copy !req
936. ever since the time
of Emperor ConstantineCopy !req
937. the Great of the
5th century A.D.Copy !req
938. Oh. Okay, um, if you'll all
follow me, please. Ahem.Copy !req
939. Have a very special day...Copy !req
940. for a very
special little man.Copy !req
941. Okay.Copy !req
942. I can't believe that guy let us in.
What a retard.Copy !req
943. Okay, let's find Mieke.Copy !req
944. One of our English-speaking
tour guides has called in sick.Copy !req
945. Could you please take
these peoples also?Copy !req
946. - How big is Vatican City?
- Point-five square kilometers.Copy !req
947. - Who built the colonnade?
- Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.Copy !req
948. - Uh, where are the bathrooms?
- Floors 2, 6 and 7.Copy !req
949. Next I'll take you to where the College
of Cardinals elects a new pope.Copy !req
950. When this happens, white smoke is sent up
from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact...Copy !req
951. Mieke's gotta be
around here somewhere.Copy !req
952. Let's go.Copy !req
953. Behind me is the
appartamento papale...Copy !req
954. or "papal apartment." We're
obviously not permitted in there.Copy !req
955. Excuse me, miss. What is this?Copy !req
956. Oh. That is the
Bell of San Marco.Copy !req
957. When the pope dies, the
cardinal vicar of Rome...Copy !req
958. rings this Bell to
notify the people of Rome.Copy !req
959. Next we will view the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.Copy !req
960. Come on. I think I heard them.
Which way did they go?Copy !req
961. That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.Copy !req
962. Good enough for me.Copy !req
963. Hey, check it out.Copy !req
964. I wonder what this does.Copy !req
965. It doesn't do anything, it's a rope.
Come on, let's go.Copy !req
966. They got a lot of
old stuff here.Copy !req
967. The Bell of San Marco.Copy !req
968. The pope is dead.Copy !req
969. Whoa.Copy !req
970. She's not in here.Copy !req
971. Let's go. We're definitely
not supposed to be in here.Copy !req
972. Hey, check this out.Copy !req
973. - I'm the pope.
- Cooper.Copy !req
974. Take off the pope hat.Copy !req
975. - Oh, no. It's okay. I'm Catholic.
- Cooper, take it off, goddamn it.Copy !req
976. Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain.
Only I can forgive you now, my son.Copy !req
977. - Take that fudging thing off.
- The pope breaks an open-field tackle.Copy !req
978. It's a Hail Mary, he catches at
the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10.Copy !req
979. Touchdown, pope!Copy !req
980. The pope makes a
two-point conversion.Copy !req
981. And oh, my lord. It's the pope,
eight, and the heathens, nothing!Copy !req
982. How's you, sucker?Copy !req
983. Cooper, the hat. The hat.Copy !req
984. The hat is on fire.Copy !req
985. We don't need no
water, let the IN...Copy !req
986. I'm not kidding. Look.Copy !req
987. Oh, holy shit.Copy !req
988. - Ooh!
- I don't want this.Copy !req
989. Fireplace. Fireplace. Go, go.Copy !req
990. Whoa.Copy !req
991. White smoke.Copy !req
992. They've elected the new pope!Copy !req
993. I'm coming to you live
from Vatican Square...Copy !req
994. where the College of
Cardinals, in a surprise move...Copy !req
995. has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very, very excited.Copy !req
996. This is so strange.Copy !req
997. Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.Copy !req
998. We could be seeing
history in the making.Copy !req
999. We could be seeing an
arrest in the making.Copy !req
1000. There she is. Mieke.Copy !req
1001. Hey. Stupid curtain. Unh.Copy !req
1002. Let me out.Copy !req
1003. Mieke!Copy !req
1004. It's the new pope!Copy !req
1005. What the hell?Copy !req
1006. Mieke.Copy !req
1007. Hold on.Copy !req
1008. This is one crazy pope.Copy !req
1009. You. Ferma. Stop. You.Copy !req
1010. You and your retarded friend...Copy !req
1011. you're in big, big trouble.Copy !req
1012. Oy.Copy !req
1013. Take your mitts off them boys.Copy !req
1014. They're with me.Copy !req
1015. I've just about had enough
of you fucking Ities.Copy !req
1016. But I am Swiss.Copy !req
1017. Them too.Copy !req
1018. Now, bud, you get in there, and
you say what you got to say.Copy !req
1019. Mieke. I'm here. I made it.Copy !req
1020. Who are you?Copy !req
1021. What a fucking loser. I'm
gonna videotape this.Copy !req
1022. I'm Scott.Copy !req
1023. From Ohio?Copy !req
1024. Scott? Scott Thomas?Copy !req
1025. - Yes.
- From Ohio?Copy !req
1026. - What are you doing in Rome?
- I came here to be with you.Copy !req
1027. Listen, I just traveled all
the way across Europe.Copy !req
1028. I got chased by naked men.Copy !req
1029. I ate brownies with
absolutely no drugs in them.Copy !req
1030. I watched a brother
and sister make out.Copy !req
1031. I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...Copy !req
1032. So I could tell you one thing.Copy !req
1033. I love you, Mieke.Copy !req
1034. Aw.Copy !req
1035. We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?Copy !req
1036. I think...Copy !req
1037. Oh, Mieke... Mieke.Copy !req
1038. Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.Copy !req
1039. I have cheated on my husband.Copy !req
1040. Do you think God will
ever forgive me?Copy !req
1041. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1042. Father?Copy !req
1043. Father! Aah!Copy !req
1044. This sucks.Copy !req
1045. I can't believe I'm the only one who
didn't hook up while we were here.Copy !req
1046. Europe is officially the
worst country on earth.Copy !req
1047. I know.Copy !req
1048. I thought I'd at least get to
have some crazy European sex.Copy !req
1049. What?Copy !req
1050. - Scott, I have to go.
- Okay.Copy !req
1051. My boat is leaving.Copy !req
1052. I still can't believe you came
all the way here, just for me.Copy !req
1053. What can I say? I'm
very unpredictable.Copy !req
1054. Keep writing to me, Scott, okay?Copy !req
1055. Yeah, I will.Copy !req
1056. - Go.
- Bye.Copy !req
1057. Yes. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1058. Woo-had.!Copy !req
1059. Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.Copy !req
1060. This was the best
time of my life.Copy !req
1061. Excuse me.Copy !req
1062. You're the young man who gave me that
tour of the Vatican, aren't you?Copy !req
1063. - Listen, I'm very sorry...
- I just wanted to thank you.Copy !req
1064. You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic...Copy !req
1065. tour guide I've ever had.Copy !req
1066. Ha, ha. Thanks. But I'm not
actually a tour guide.Copy !req
1067. Um, I've just read Frommer's
enough to have it memorized.Copy !req
1068. Although, I threw in a few things
Frommer's didn't know about.Copy !req
1069. How would you like to add them?Copy !req
1070. Excuse me?Copy !req
1071. That's my guidebook.Copy !req
1072. I'm Arthur Frommer.Copy !req
1073. It's amazing. Frommer's
is going to pay meCopy !req
1074. to see every museum and
cathedral in Europe.Copy !req
1075. - Ha, ha.
- That sounds so exciting...Copy !req
1076. for you.Copy !req
1077. I figured, since you're
going to be staying...Copy !req
1078. you might need this.Copy !req
1079. - A disposable camera.
- That's right.Copy !req
1080. - Thanks, Scotty.
- That's from both of us.Copy !req
1081. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
1082. Scotty doesn't know
Don't tell Scotty.Copy !req
1083. Hello, Mr. Walters. I see.Copy !req
1084. Fired? Well, I...Copy !req
1085. Well, if that's what you want,
I understand. I just...Copy !req
1086. Goodbye, sir.Copy !req
1087. They had to catch you
eventually, right?Copy !req
1088. - No, they fired Humphrey.
- Shut up.Copy !req
1089. I got his office and a raise.Copy !req
1090. - No.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
1091. Flight 341 from Rome
to Cleveland...Copy !req
1092. - That's you guys.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1093. - Have a good flight, everybody.
- Come here.Copy !req
1094. Be good.Copy !req
1095. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
1096. - Have a good flight.
- Be good.Copy !req
1097. Thanks.Copy !req
1098. I'm on it.Copy !req
1099. Whoa!Copy !req
1100. This still counts
as Europe, right?Copy !req
1101. Scott ". " Dear Mieke.Copy !req
1102. Greece sounds incredible.Copy !req
1103. I just moved into my
dorm room today...Copy !req
1104. but I can't wait to see
you over Christmas break.Copy !req
1105. "This time I think I'll
fly to Berlin direct."Copy !req
1106. - Hello?
- Hey, buddy, how's college?Copy !req
1107. Hey, I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.Copy !req
1108. Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?Copy !req
1109. I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.Copy !req
1110. I'm thinking about
majoring in German.Copy !req
1111. Cooper'. German? I've
got a better idea.Copy !req
1112. Why don't you major in
"Not Being Such a Woman"?Copy !req
1113. So how's Jenny?Copy !req
1114. Jenny...? Jenny who?Copy !req
1115. I know a lot of ladies named
Jenny, they're all...Copy !req
1116. Ow.Copy !req
1117. Hey, Scotty, what's up?Copy !req
1118. Hi, Jenny.Copy !req
1119. Have you heard from Jamie?
How's he doing with Frommer?Copy !req
1120. Oh, no.Copy !req
1121. Hold on.Copy !req
1122. - Come here, robot.
- Cooper, not again.Copy !req
1123. Hold on, this should
be my new roommate.Copy !req
1124. "Cooper". What's the
freak look like?Copy !req
1125. Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.Copy !req
1126. Is he bigger than me?Copy !req
1127. I just got your last e-mail.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
1128. Going to college.Copy !req
1129. You're going to college here?Copy !req
1130. - What dorm?
- This one.Copy !req
1131. Room 214.Copy !req
1132. How is this possible?Copy !req
1133. I guess they thought
I was a guy.Copy !req
1134. Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?Copy !req
1135. "Cooper". Do I hear kissing?Copy !req
1136. Are you making out with
your new roommate, Scotty?Copy !req
1137. Scotty?Copy !req
1138. Scotty? Scotty.Copy !req
1139. This happy ending is bullshit.Copy !req
1140. When does the fairy get laid?
I'm out of here.Copy !req
1141. - Catchy tune.
- Fucking-A, man.Copy !req
1142. Scotty doesn't know
So don't tell Scotty.Copy !req
1143. Fiona says she's out shoppin'.Copy !req
1144. But she's under me And
I'm not stoppin'.Copy !req
1145. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
1146. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
1147. Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's
finest and most luxurious youth hostel.Copy !req
1148. Sounds great.Copy !req
1149. There is no bathroom, nor
is there one nearby.Copy !req
1150. Ha, ha. Sorry.Copy !req
1151. - Get it?
- She got it.Copy !req
1152. If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen...Copy !req
1153. I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.Copy !req
1154. You can also try hiding
your valuables...Copy !req
1155. in your anus.Copy !req
1156. Drink?Copy !req
1157. I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, okay?Copy !req
1158. - Ha, ha.
- Ready? Quit. Shut up.Copy !req
1159. Sorry. I know I fucked it up.
I fucked it up.Copy !req
1160. Yes. You take her hair, and one
strand at a time, pull it out.Copy !req
1161. Use her like a humping post.Copy !req
1162. Jenny, this is Europe.Copy !req
1163. They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.Copy !req
1164. Happy Juice. Hee-hee.Copy !req
1165. You gotta show them something
they haven't seen before.Copy !req
1166. Oh, no! Ha, ha.Copy !req
1167. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
1168. Should a fire occur, due
to our faulty wiring...Copy !req
1169. or the fireworks factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated...Copy !req
1170. along with the valuables
you have hidden in your anus.Copy !req
1171. Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
1172. Fuck off! Get out
of it, you wankers!Copy !req
1173. Go on, you Gaelic, fucking
garlic-breath tossers.Copy !req
1174. Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!Copy !req
1175. Come on! Fucking
come and have it!Copy !req
1176. You fucking beep?Copy !req
1177. We'll beep, you bastard, all
over your fucking nose!Copy !req
1178. Fuck off! Go on, you
French bastards!Copy !req
1179. Get on the other side of
the road, you pricks!Copy !req
1180. Go on out of it!Copy !req
1181. Fuck off!Copy !req
1182. I'm nackered.Copy !req
1183. League supporters.Copy !req
1184. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
1185. No, wait...Copy !req
1186. Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old!Copy !req
1187. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1188. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1189. Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1190. Scotty's gotta go!Copy !req
1191. - Is it off yet?
- No, keep rubbing it.Copy !req