1. Congratulations,
Hudson High class of 2004.Copy !req
2. There she is.
Fiona!Copy !req
3. Bye.Copy !req
4. Hey.
Hey!Copy !req
5. Hey, you.Copy !req
6. Congratulations, graduate.
Thanks, baby.Copy !req
7. And congratulations
to you, Cooper.Copy !req
8. Aw. Thanks, baby!Copy !req
9. Nice try.Copy !req
10. All right. See you at
Wade's party tonight?Copy !req
11. See you then.Copy !req
12. So, it's just you and me
for the entire summer.Copy !req
13. Next year you graduate,
join me at college.Copy !req
14. Just like we planned.Copy !req
15. Scott, we need to talk.Copy !req
16. Yeah? About what?Copy !req
17. About me dumping you.Copy !req
18. Huh?Copy !req
19. There he is!Copy !req
20. The graduate and his
beautiful girlfriend. Okay?Copy !req
21. Smile, you two!Copy !req
22. Action!
Dad, Mom, Grandma...Copy !req
23. Uncle Moke... Uh...Copy !req
24. I'm gonna need
a minute here, okay?Copy !req
25. What do you mean,
you're dumping me?Copy !req
26. Scott, I just can't takeCopy !req
27. all the lying and cheating
on each other anymore.Copy !req
28. What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.Copy !req
29. I know. That's what
makes this so hard.Copy !req
30. You're looking good, you guys.Copy !req
31. Scotty, it's not you.Copy !req
32. It's me.Copy !req
33. There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.Copy !req
34. You're just so...Copy !req
35. ...predictable.
Smile!Copy !req
36. So, that's it.Copy !req
37. Here's your letter jacket back.Copy !req
38. Goodbye.Copy !req
39. This isn't mine.Copy !req
40. She's a keeper, huh?
Oh, wow.Copy !req
41. Oh, my God.Copy !req
42. Fiona!Copy !req
43. Let's see that again.Copy !req
44. Fiona!Copy !req
45. This is just so brutal.Copy !req
46. And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.Copy !req
47. Fiona!
Bert, get out of here.Copy !req
48. Okay. See you.Copy !req
49. All right.
Stay black, Bert.Copy !req
50. "Fiona!"Copy !req
51. Mail, motherfucker!Copy !req
52. Hey, I got one from Mieke.Copy !req
53. "Happy herzlichen."Copy !req
54. You still writing that guy?
I thought that was just for German class.Copy !req
55. It was at first,
but we're actually becoming good friends.Copy !req
56. He's a really cool guy.Copy !req
57. "Dear Mieke, greetings from
your American pen pal."Copy !req
58. Scotty, Girl Scouts
have pen pals.Copy !req
59. Listen to yourself, all right?Copy !req
60. You met a "cool guy"
on the "internet."Copy !req
61. This is how these
sexual predators work.Copy !req
62. Next thing you know,
he'll want to "arrange a meeting"Copy !req
63. where he will gas you,
stuff you in the back of his van,Copy !req
64. and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.Copy !req
65. Come on, let's go to Wade's.
All right.Copy !req
66. Screw it.
Let's go.Copy !req
67. I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.Copy !req
68. Auf Wiedersehen, Mieke.Copy !req
69. What's up, losers?
What's up, Jenny?Copy !req
70. What's up, dude?Copy !req
71. Sorry to hear about Fiona.
She's a whore.Copy !req
72. That's very sweet of you.
Thanks.Copy !req
73. Enough Fiona talk.Copy !req
74. Look around. There's
gotta be 100 drunk girls.Copy !req
75. We should try to have sex
with every one of 'em.Copy !req
76. Hello? Mixed company?Copy !req
77. What?Copy !req
78. I'm a girl!
No, you're not.Copy !req
79. You're just a cool guy
with long hair.Copy !req
80. So, where's your
evil twin brother?Copy !req
81. Jenny!Copy !req
82. There he is.Copy !req
83. Hey, Jamie.
In fine form, I see.Copy !req
84. Why'd you
get me gin and tonic?Copy !req
85. I hate gin.
You do?Copy !req
86. You guys are
the worst twins ever!Copy !req
87. Chug! Chug!Copy !req
88. When are you guys taking off?
Tomorrow morning.Copy !req
89. Hey, Wade!
Great party, bud.Copy !req
90. Man, I am so excited!Copy !req
91. A whole summer,
backpacking around Europe.Copy !req
92. You should've come with usCopy !req
93. instead of working
for Dr. Dad, Scotty!Copy !req
94. It's gonna be so awesome!Copy !req
95. Yeah. I planned every
detail of the tripCopy !req
96. to maximize the fun!Copy !req
97. You brought a guidebook
to a party?Copy !req
98. Do you wanna see my itinerary?Copy !req
99. Do you wanna see my balls?Copy !req
100. You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?Copy !req
101. Paris!
I can't wait.Copy !req
102. Two years ago Nicky Jager's
sister, Debbie,Copy !req
103. met a wealthy French guy,Copy !req
104. and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht.Copy !req
105. Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?Copy !req
106. Stuck on a boat
with a weird French guy?Copy !req
107. That sounds a little gay.Copy !req
108. It's not gay.
I'm a girl.Copy !req
109. Kinda gay.
A little gay.Copy !req
110. All right, I gotta piss
like a pregnant woman.Copy !req
111. Hey, listen up, everybody.Copy !req
112. Gotta a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.Copy !req
113. Going to play
a little song for youCopy !req
114. about the nastiest, freakiest
little sex puppet I know...Copy !req
115. Fiona.Copy !req
116. This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.Copy !req
117. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and meCopy !req
118. ♪ Do it in my van every SundayCopy !req
119. ♪ She tells him she's in church but she doesn't goCopy !req
120. ♪ Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
121. ♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
122. ♪ So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
123. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
124. I hope we're just
as popular in collegeCopy !req
125. as we were in high school.Copy !req
126. - We will be.
- I know.Copy !req
127. Who needs
more Chablis?Copy !req
128. Candy, wanna come with?
No, I'll stay here.Copy !req
129. Well, there's your
R-rating right there.Copy !req
130. Whoops!Copy !req
131. Holy cow!Copy !req
132. Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car!Copy !req
133. ♪ I can't believe
he's so trustingCopy !req
134. ♪ While I'm right
behind you thrustingCopy !req
135. ♪ 'Cause Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
136. Cooper Harris, you're a pig!Copy !req
137. Uh... Candy, you should clean
that off before you go.Copy !req
138. Clean what off?Copy !req
139. You've got a little
something on you.Copy !req
140. Where?Copy !req
141. Right there.Copy !req
142. It's like a smudge,
or something.Copy !req
143. Where?Copy !req
144. It's like dirt, or something.
Just go like this.Copy !req
145. Is it off?Copy !req
146. No. Keep rubbing it.Copy !req
147. ♪ I did it with her
on his birthdayCopy !req
148. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
149. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
150. ♪ Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
151. Mmm-hmm...
Mmm-hmm...Copy !req
152. No, it's just not coming off.Copy !req
153. What is it?Copy !req
154. It may be tree sap or something.
Try pinching it.Copy !req
155. No, it's just not coming off
I'll tell you what.Copy !req
156. Lick your fingers.
Get some saliva going.Copy !req
157. Like this?Copy !req
158. Yeah.Copy !req
159. Again, not enough saliva.Copy !req
160. Is it off yet?
Fine, I'll do it.Copy !req
161. Come here.Copy !req
162. Oh, my God! Candy!Copy !req
163. Cooper!Copy !req
164. Hey...Copy !req
165. This isn't where
I parked my car.Copy !req
166. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
167. Hey.Copy !req
168. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
169. This band rocks!Copy !req
170. Yeah!Copy !req
171. Mail, motherfucker!Copy !req
172. Hey, Mieke.Copy !req
173. "Dear Scott,Copy !req
174. "I was very sad to hearCopy !req
175. "about your lady woman
Fiona dumping you.Copy !req
176. "Since you no longer
have a girlfriend,Copy !req
177. "maybe I could come to AmericaCopy !req
178. "and we could get to know
each other better."Copy !req
179. "Perhaps we could..."Copy !req
180. "Zussamen."Copy !req
181. What the fuck is "zussamen"?Copy !req
182. "Arrange a meeting."Copy !req
183. No, no, no! Come on!
Cooper was right.Copy !req
184. This guy wants
to have sex with me.Copy !req
185. "Listen, Mieke...Copy !req
186. "I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you,Copy !req
187. "you sick, German freak.Copy !req
188. "So please keep your hands
off my genitals,Copy !req
189. "and never write to me again,Copy !req
190. "and don't come to America."Copy !req
191. "Goodbye."Copy !req
192. Ow.Copy !req
193. I'm never drinking again.
Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
194. Bert, what are you doing?Copy !req
195. Reading your email.Copy !req
196. Don't do that.Copy !req
197. Why are you wearing my bathrobe?Copy !req
198. Oh, I'm sorry...Copy !req
199. But somebody pissed
all over mine last night.Copy !req
200. Wow. I can't believe
this German chickCopy !req
201. wants to come here
and hook up with you.Copy !req
202. I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.Copy !req
203. No, it says right here,Copy !req
204. "trauriges Madchen."Copy !req
205. "I was a sad girl
to hear about Fiona."Copy !req
206. Fuckin' A, Scott.Copy !req
207. I'm taking "Intro to German,"
and even I know that.Copy !req
208. Come here.Copy !req
209. He sent me a picture, retardo.Copy !req
210. See? That's a picture of Mieke
and his cute cousin, Jan.Copy !req
211. No, retardo.Copy !req
212. That's Jan, a man's name,Copy !req
213. and that's not "Mike,"Copy !req
214. it's "Mieke," a common
German girl's name,Copy !req
215. similar to our Michelle.Copy !req
216. I hope you wrote her back
and told her to come visit.Copy !req
217. You didn't?Copy !req
218. You thought she was a guy!Copy !req
219. I'm getting
the video camera! Ha!Copy !req
220. What an asshole!Copy !req
221. No.Copy !req
222. No.Copy !req
223. No!Copy !req
224. "Address blocked"?
"Email not delivered."Copy !req
225. No... Come on!Copy !req
226. Hey, Mom made waffles.Copy !req
227. What's going on?
I'm in love with my pen pal.Copy !req
228. I'm in love with Mieke.Copy !req
229. Okay... Okay.Copy !req
230. You know what?
I was actually expecting this.Copy !req
231. Frankly, I'm flatteredCopy !req
232. you picked me
to come out to first.Copy !req
233. And don't worry about
telling your folks, 'cause...Copy !req
234. I think they already know.Copy !req
235. No, you idiot.
Mike is a girl.Copy !req
236. No, no, I get it.
Yeah.Copy !req
237. He's the girl,
and you're the girl,Copy !req
238. and sometimes
you're both the girl.Copy !req
239. Right?Copy !req
240. Right?
That's hot.Copy !req
241. But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.Copy !req
242. Will you stop? Look, come here.
Look at this picture.Copy !req
243. Wow. Who's the hot chick?Copy !req
244. That's "Mike."
I mean, Mieke.Copy !req
245. That's Mieke?
That's who you've been writing to all this time?Copy !req
246. Until last night,Copy !req
247. when I took your advice and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals."Copy !req
248. Given what we know now,
that seems like the exact opposite of what you want.Copy !req
249. This is a total disaster.Copy !req
250. Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.Copy !req
251. Though she is really hot.Copy !req
252. You're not listening.
I don't even care what she looks like.Copy !req
253. Mieke and I had
this incredible bond.Copy !req
254. I told her things
I couldn't even tell you.Copy !req
255. Like what?Copy !req
256. Nothing. It's a figure
of speech, Coop.Copy !req
257. No, seriously. What?
Nothing. The point...Copy !req
258. You like me better, right?
Listen...Copy !req
259. This girl is not only smart and funny,
and stunningly beautiful,Copy !req
260. but until I screwed up,
she wanted to comeCopy !req
261. all the way to America,
just to be with me.Copy !req
262. So do something about it.
What can I do?Copy !req
263. She blocked her email account,
her phone number's not listed.Copy !req
264. The only thing I know
is she lives in Berlin.Copy !req
265. So go to Berlin.Copy !req
266. I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.Copy !req
267. Why not?
Because...Copy !req
268. I just can't, OK?Copy !req
269. I'm supposed to work
for my dad this summer.Copy !req
270. It looks good on
my med school application.Copy !req
271. Oh, Jesus, Scotty!Copy !req
272. Man, Fiona was right.
You're so predictable.Copy !req
273. I'm going to Germany.
No...Copy !req
274. We're going to Germany.Copy !req
275. How are we going
to get to Germany?Copy !req
276. Don't worry.
I've got it covered.Copy !req
277. We're going
to be couriers?Copy !req
278. It's the best way
to get a cheap flight.Copy !req
279. All we have to do
is carry their packages,Copy !req
280. and then drop them off
when we get there.Copy !req
281. My cousin did it
when he went to India.Copy !req
282. Yeah?
Yeah.Copy !req
283. Of course, he ended up using
a public restroom in New DelhiCopy !req
284. and they had to cut off his leg.
You know...Copy !req
285. But he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.Copy !req
286. Okay, I don't have anything
to Germany for a week.Copy !req
287. But I can get you both
to London today for $118.Copy !req
288. Anything else?
Europe is like the size of the Eastwood mall.Copy !req
289. We can walk to Berlin
from there.Copy !req
290. Cooper, England's an island.Copy !req
291. Okay, swim. Whatever.Copy !req
292. We'll take it.Copy !req
293. Hey.
Hmm?Copy !req
294. Thanks for coming with me.Copy !req
295. I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer.Copy !req
296. Well, forget about the law firm.Copy !req
297. And don't thank me.
I should be thanking you.Copy !req
298. This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for meCopy !req
299. to broaden my sexual horizons.Copy !req
300. What are you talking about?Copy !req
301. I'm talking about
crazy European sex.Copy !req
302. Ah.Copy !req
303. You know America
was founded by prudes.Copy !req
304. Prudes who left Europe,
because they hatedCopy !req
305. all the kinky,
steamy European sex that was going on.Copy !req
306. And now I, Cooper Harris,Copy !req
307. will return to the land
of my perverted forefathersCopy !req
308. and claim my birthright,
which is a seriesCopy !req
309. of erotic and sexually
challenging adventures.Copy !req
310. You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?Copy !req
311. It's my passion.Copy !req
312. Come on, come on!Copy !req
313. The adventure begins.Copy !req
314. Welcome to Jolly Old England.Copy !req
315. Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, European air.Copy !req
316. Oh.
What is that?Copy !req
317. It's the phone they gave me
at the law firm.Copy !req
318. Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?Copy !req
319. Works anywhere.
Yeah?Copy !req
320. Excuse me.Copy !req
321. Cooper here.Copy !req
322. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
323. Yes, sir, I'm down
in file storage.Copy !req
324. Um, hang on one second.Copy !req
325. No, sir, I can't find
the Gutterman file anywhere.Copy !req
326. Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.Copy !req
327. I don't rest until I find it.Copy !req
328. Didn't tell your boss
you were leaving the country?Copy !req
329. They would've stopped paying me.
It seemed easier.Copy !req
330. So, where to?
I don't know.Copy !req
331. First bus to Berlin doesn't
leave till tomorrow morning.Copy !req
332. What do you wanna do?
Got the Tower of London...Copy !req
333. There's Buckingham Palace.Copy !req
334. Uh...
There's no drinking age.Copy !req
335. There you go!
Come on.Copy !req
336. Hey! "The Fiesty Goat."Copy !req
337. All right!Copy !req
338. What do you wanna...Copy !req
339. Soccer hooligans.Copy !req
340. Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car!Copy !req
341. Oi!Copy !req
342. Who the bloody hell are you?Copy !req
343. This is a private members bar,Copy !req
344. exclusively for the supportersCopy !req
345. of the greatest football
team in the world...Copy !req
346. Manchester United.Copy !req
347. Now please, enlighten me.Copy !req
348. Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
349. That is a good question,Copy !req
350. and... Scotty?Copy !req
351. Huh?Copy !req
352. We're the Manchester
United fan club...Copy !req
353. From Ohio.Copy !req
354. If you're Manchester United
supporters...Copy !req
355. Sing the Manchester United song.Copy !req
356. Excuse me, I'm sorry...Copy !req
357. I'm not much of a singer...Copy !req
358. Sing!
♪ My baby takesCopy !req
359. ♪ The morning trainCopy !req
360. ♪ He works from 9 to 5 and thenCopy !req
361. ♪ He takes another home againCopy !req
362. ♪ To find me...Copy !req
363. Watching the Manchester
United football team!Copy !req
364. Eh?Copy !req
365. The best freakin' team
in all the land! Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
366. Pretty good.Copy !req
367. Pretty dang good, lads!
Yeah!Copy !req
368. ♪ My baby takes
The morning trainCopy !req
369. ♪ He works from 9 To 5 and thenCopy !req
370. ♪ He takes another home againCopy !req
371. ♪ To find me waiting for himCopy !req
372. ♪ He's always on
that morning train ♪Copy !req
373. I've unblocked
your email address,Copy !req
374. but this Scott
is not responding.Copy !req
375. He was the one.Copy !req
376. I was going to
give myself to him.Copy !req
377. Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else...Copy !req
378. Fraulein.Copy !req
379. I'm never drinking again.Copy !req
380. Coop, wake up.Copy !req
381. Oh, man, that was a wild night.Copy !req
382. You think?Copy !req
383. Scotty, where the hell
are we going?Copy !req
384. Don't worry.
If anything bad happens,Copy !req
385. my parents will find us.Copy !req
386. Honey, where's Scotty?Copy !req
387. Cooper said they were
going camping.Copy !req
388. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
389. And where's Bert?Copy !req
390. Fuck if I know.Copy !req
391. Hey!
How are you, you scalawag!Copy !req
392. Look, given the current
geopolitical climate,Copy !req
393. all European countries should
have a seat at the table.Copy !req
394. Right.
Except those fucking Ities.Copy !req
395. I hate them Italian bastards.Copy !req
396. You know what I mean?
Excuse me.Copy !req
397. Hello, boyo!Copy !req
398. What the hell happened
last night?Copy !req
399. You got steamed up,
pissed as a fart.Copy !req
400. Too much sauce, son.Copy !req
401. Don't worry.Copy !req
402. We come and got ya so
you wouldn't miss the trip.Copy !req
403. What trip?Copy !req
404. Where are we going?Copy !req
405. What do you mean,
where are we going?Copy !req
406. We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris.Copy !req
407. Aren't we, boys?Copy !req
408. Yeah!Copy !req
409. Why are you yelling at me?Copy !req
410. So I tell the swamp donkey
to sock itCopy !req
411. before I give her a trunky
in the tradesman's entranceCopy !req
412. and have her lick me yardballs!Copy !req
413. Wow.Copy !req
414. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here.Copy !req
415. Coop? Cooper,
we're going to Paris.Copy !req
416. I know.
Cecil told me.Copy !req
417. Mieke's in Berlin.
We're not going to Berlin.Copy !req
418. What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.Copy !req
419. See what I'm talking about?
This is predictable Scotty talking.Copy !req
420. Relax. Paris is practically
a suburb of Berlin.Copy !req
421. It's a nothing commute.Copy !req
422. This is why France and Germany have always been allies.Copy !req
423. Allies.Copy !req
424. The twins. The twins
were in Paris, right?Copy !req
425. We could give them a call.
They could help us out. Let me see your phone.Copy !req
426. All right,
but I'm really only supposed to use this for business calls.Copy !req
427. Hey, don't...Copy !req
428. You're on the wrong side of the road,
you snail-eating puffs.Copy !req
429. Fuck off! Go on,
you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers!Copy !req
430. Piss off!
Get in here and say that,Copy !req
431. you froggy Itie shities!Copy !req
432. Fucking beep!Copy !req
433. We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!Copy !req
434. Get out of the way!
Piss off!Copy !req
435. Hey, lads!Copy !req
436. That wanker's got
a frog football shirt on!Copy !req
437. Let's give this Nancy
a fucking good kicking!Copy !req
438. Come on, lads, he's going off!Copy !req
439. All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.Copy !req
440. Look at that!Copy !req
441. There they are.
Come on. Jenny!Copy !req
442. Jamie!
Hey!Copy !req
443. Come here!Copy !req
444. No, no.
No, no, no!Copy !req
445. Scott, bienvenue a Paris.
Thank you.Copy !req
446. Is that a new camera?
It isn't just a camera,Copy !req
447. this is a Leica M7.Copy !req
448. Uber-sensitive
exposure settings,Copy !req
449. legendary cloth shutter system.Copy !req
450. Let me see that thing.
No can do.Copy !req
451. I spent the last four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it,Copy !req
452. so nobody touches
my camera but me.Copy !req
453. So it's like your wiener.
No, it's not like...Copy !req
454. Jenny...
Cooper, leave him alone.Copy !req
455. Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl.Copy !req
456. Wait, not just any girl.Copy !req
457. Show her the picture, Scotty.Copy !req
458. She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus.Copy !req
459. I'm a girl
from your high school.Copy !req
460. No, I mean "girl" girls.Copy !req
461. Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.
We're in Paris!Copy !req
462. Let's go to the Louvre!Copy !req
463. To the Louvre!Copy !req
464. So, you guys wanna stay here,Copy !req
465. or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower?Copy !req
466. Here's a fun fact.Copy !req
467. Voltaire contracted syphilis
just two blocks from here.Copy !req
468. Should we go?Copy !req
469. Can we please get out of here?Copy !req
470. This guy's really
creeping me out.Copy !req
471. Who, robot man?Copy !req
472. He's just trying to feed
his robot family.Copy !req
473. I really don't like him.
Why?Copy !req
474. Because he's doing this?Copy !req
475. Okay, seriously, don't do that.Copy !req
476. Cooper. Do not hate me.Copy !req
477. I am familiar with
over 600 dance movesCopy !req
478. and I am programmed to get...Copy !req
479. Freaky.Copy !req
480. You're just upset because
people like me better.Copy !req
481. It's okay.Copy !req
482. Oh!Copy !req
483. Fight! Fight!Copy !req
484. Break the leg shot!Copy !req
485. Ha! Ha! Ha!Copy !req
486. Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.
Don't look in his eyes!Copy !req
487. Ohhh!
That was not cool.Copy !req
488. Oh!Copy !req
489. Guys, let's go.
Come on.Copy !req
490. Error! Error! Error!Copy !req
491. How cool is this?Copy !req
492. It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.Copy !req
493. Why don't you come to Berlin?
Umm, no.Copy !req
494. Jamie, come on. In a few months,
we all go to different colleges.Copy !req
495. This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this.Copy !req
496. Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?Copy !req
497. This should be
the trip of a lifetime.Copy !req
498. There's no way
we should split up.Copy !req
499. All right, this table
is now Europe, okay?Copy !req
500. Excuse me.Copy !req
501. We are right here, in Paris,Copy !req
502. and I have got to get to Mieke,Copy !req
503. who is over here, in Berlin.Copy !req
504. If you come with us,
I'm sure there's a tonCopy !req
505. of great stuff to see
along the way.Copy !req
506. We can go to Denmark.
I love Denmark.Copy !req
507. We gotta hit Amsterdam.
Definitely.Copy !req
508. And the cathedral at Cameret!Copy !req
509. Yeah...
Maybe. We'll see.Copy !req
510. Whatever.
If there's time.Copy !req
511. Come on! I really want you
to be there when I meet Mieke.Copy !req
512. Fine.Copy !req
513. Excellent!
All right!Copy !req
514. A toast!
Yes!Copy !req
515. To Mieke!
To Europe!Copy !req
516. To Europe!Copy !req
517. Merci.Copy !req
518. Berlin, here we come!
All right.Copy !req
519. Better let me hold on to those.Copy !req
520. What the hell is that?Copy !req
521. It's a traveler's money belt.Copy !req
522. Frommer's says as long
as you have one of these,Copy !req
523. no one can rob you of anything.Copy !req
524. Except your dignity.Copy !req
525. No, you just put that in your...Copy !req
526. Wait... What?Copy !req
527. Come on, guidebook.
Let's go.Copy !req
528. Check it out.Copy !req
529. European ass.Copy !req
530. What's up?Copy !req
531. Oh, Jesus, Jenny.
I thought you were some...Copy !req
532. ...girl. Come on.
Platform 4.Copy !req
533. Thanks.Copy !req
534. Damn!Copy !req
535. I believe this is yours.Copy !req
536. Pleased to meet you.Copy !req
537. My name is Christoph.Copy !req
538. - Jenny, let's go!
- Move it!Copy !req
539. Those are my friends.
We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin...Copy !req
540. Jenny!
I'm coming!Copy !req
541. So, it was really nice
to meet you.Copy !req
542. The pleasure was all mine...Copy !req
543. Jennifer.Copy !req
544. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and meCopy !req
545. ♪ Do it in my van on SundaysCopy !req
546. ♪ Tells him she's...Copy !req
547. What?Copy !req
548. You gotta admit,
it's a really catchy tune.Copy !req
549. ♪ Tells him she's in church
but she doesn't goCopy !req
550. ♪ Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
551. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
552. ♪ Scotty doesn't...
Buongiorno.Copy !req
553. Buongiorno.Copy !req
554. You know, there are a lot
of other empty compartments.Copy !req
555. Huh?Copy !req
556. Ah! Si...Copy !req
557. Si.Copy !req
558. Pardon me.Copy !req
559. Eh?Copy !req
560. Ohhh...Copy !req
561. Scusi.Copy !req
562. Mi scusi.Copy !req
563. Hi.Copy !req
564. Buongiorno.Copy !req
565. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
566. Mi scusi, mi scusi.Copy !req
567. No! No, no, no!Copy !req
568. Mi scusi, mi scusi, mi scusi.Copy !req
569. Uh-oh.
What?Copy !req
570. Big tunnel.Copy !req
571. Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?Copy !req
572. Who's touching me?
Scotty?Copy !req
573. Oh!Copy !req
574. Scusi.Copy !req
575. Buongiorno.Copy !req
576. Crans Sur Mer.
We change trains here.Copy !req
577. Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.Copy !req
578. What's there to see
in this town?Copy !req
579. Hello? The
Monument des Poissonnieres.Copy !req
580. It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea.Copy !req
581. Frommer's says it's supposed
to be... "Quite moving."Copy !req
582. What the hell is wrong
with you, C-3PO?Copy !req
583. We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.Copy !req
584. I'm taking a nap.Copy !req
585. Wake me up when
the train gets here.Copy !req
586. Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.Copy !req
587. All right, we can't all
just lie around all day.Copy !req
588. We gotta get out there and experience the culture firsthand.Copy !req
589. Let's go exploring!Copy !req
590. So, what's the etiquette
on boners?Copy !req
591. Do I roll over and dig out
a hole for it,Copy !req
592. or is it cool to just
let my flag fly?Copy !req
593. Wait, wait.Copy !req
594. Does "nude beach" mean
we have to get naked, too?Copy !req
595. Of course.Copy !req
596. Do you think you can go an hourCopy !req
597. without your currency
colostomy bag?Copy !req
598. As long as this thing has our money and passports in it,Copy !req
599. it's not coming off,
and my trunks won't come off, either.Copy !req
600. Come on.Copy !req
601. You came all the way to Europe.Copy !req
602. Can't wimp out now.Copy !req
603. Okay.Copy !req
604. All right,
on the count of three.Copy !req
605. Here we go.Copy !req
606. Three, two, one...Copy !req
607. Look at Jamie's penis!Copy !req
608. Very funny.
Very funny.Copy !req
609. All right.Copy !req
610. Let the crazy European
sex odyssey begin.Copy !req
611. Here we go.
Really?Copy !req
612. Yes.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
613. Hello, ladies!Copy !req
614. Ladies?
Bitches?Copy !req
615. Ew! What a rip!
There's no nude girls here,Copy !req
616. just guys like us
looking for nude girls.Copy !req
617. I don't understand.Copy !req
618. "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent.Copy !req
619. "However...Copy !req
620. "During the summer,
the European womenCopy !req
621. "are chased away
by gawking male tourists,Copy !req
622. "so Europe's most
nubile exhibitionistsCopy !req
623. "head to the deserted beachCopy !req
624. "next to the Monument
des Poissonnieres."Copy !req
625. There's so many penises.Copy !req
626. Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.Copy !req
627. This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.Copy !req
628. It's the international
house of sausage.Copy !req
629. Hey!Copy !req
630. Thanks for waiting.Copy !req
631. You're not missing anything.
It's all guys.Copy !req
632. At least the sun's out.Copy !req
633. ♪ Dreams come trueCopy !req
634. ♪ I made my dreams come trueCopy !req
635. ♪ My dreams come trueCopy !req
636. Holy crap!Copy !req
637. What? I thought this
was a nude beach.Copy !req
638. No!Copy !req
639. - Huh?
- No, no...Copy !req
640. What? What are you doing?
Jenny, you gotta cover up.Copy !req
641. Cover up, cover up, cover up!Copy !req
642. Girl?Copy !req
643. Girl!Copy !req
644. Ooh, girl.
Girl... Girl.Copy !req
645. Girl... Girl...Copy !req
646. Run!Copy !req
647. I'm not gonna make it.Copy !req
648. Go on without me.
All right. See ya.Copy !req
649. Chica! Chica!Copy !req
650. Chica! Chica!Copy !req
651. Are you reading Mieke's
old emails again?Copy !req
652. Yeah.Copy !req
653. I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her.Copy !req
654. You know, she said
I might be the one?Copy !req
655. That's huge.Copy !req
656. I've never been
"the one" before.Copy !req
657. Thought I was "the one" With Fiona,
but turns out I was, what, 101?Copy !req
658. 200.
200!Copy !req
659. Look, you got nothing
to worry about.Copy !req
660. You'll show up and sweep her
off her German feet.Copy !req
661. Thanks.Copy !req
662. Yeah.Copy !req
663. I will, won't I?Copy !req
664. I'm so sad and lonely.Copy !req
665. I just wish someone
would show upCopy !req
666. and sweep me off my German feet.Copy !req
667. Mieke! I'm here.Copy !req
668. Scotty!Copy !req
669. About that last email.
I'm so sorry...Copy !req
670. The past is the past.
You're here now.Copy !req
671. I've been saving myself for you.Copy !req
672. Let us make love
for one whole month.Copy !req
673. Touch me, Scotty.Copy !req
674. Okay.Copy !req
675. Oh, Scott...Copy !req
676. Mi bello.Copy !req
677. Mi bello.Copy !req
678. Mi bello.Copy !req
679. Mi bello.Copy !req
680. Mi bello.Copy !req
681. Mi scusi.Copy !req
682. Mi scusi!Copy !req
683. ♪ Hot stuff baby this eveningCopy !req
684. ♪ Gotta have some hot stuffCopy !req
685. ♪ Gotta have some love tonightCopy !req
686. ♪ Hot stuffCopy !req
687. Guys, our train
doesn't leave till morning.Copy !req
688. Where will we sleep tonight?Copy !req
689. What do you
mean, sleep?Copy !req
690. We can sleep
on the train tomorrow.Copy !req
691. This is the best thing that could've happened.
We're in Amsterdam!Copy !req
692. This is the drug and
sex capital of Europe!Copy !req
693. Take a look at this.Copy !req
694. "Club Vandersexxx."Copy !req
695. "The red light district's
hottest sex club."Copy !req
696. We have to check it out.
Who's with me?Copy !req
697. I'll go.Copy !req
698. Fine. Since no one else
is willing to go,Copy !req
699. I'll just go myself.Copy !req
700. ♪ I seeCopy !req
701. ♪ You're waiting for meCopy !req
702. This is definitely where
I parked my car.Copy !req
703. Hello there.Copy !req
704. Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...Copy !req
705. Amsterdam's most erotic club,Copy !req
706. where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.Copy !req
707. Also says I get a free
T-shirt with flyer.Copy !req
708. He's American.Copy !req
709. How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes.Copy !req
710. A country overrun
with crime and illiteracy.Copy !req
711. A country where a man
is forced to make sexCopy !req
712. to only one woman at a time,Copy !req
713. and one must learn
the woman's name beforehand.Copy !req
714. It was horrible.
I know.Copy !req
715. But you can come with me...Copy !req
716. And let the Vandersexxx begin.Copy !req
717. ♪ Marijuana in my soulCopy !req
718. ♪ Your iguana in my hallCopy !req
719. I can't believe
we're doing this.Copy !req
720. Don't worry.
Hash brownies are totally legal here.Copy !req
721. You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.Copy !req
722. ♪ I like to smoke marijuanaCopy !req
723. You wanna do this?
Yeah.Copy !req
724. Hi.
Hi.Copy !req
725. I need a new battery
for my camera...Copy !req
726. And while you're at it,
it could use a cleaning.Copy !req
727. Wow.Copy !req
728. Is that a Leica M6?Copy !req
729. Actually, it's an M7.Copy !req
730. It's got the built-in
light meter.Copy !req
731. It's so beautiful.Copy !req
732. So sleek, so powerful.Copy !req
733. How's the new lens system?Copy !req
734. Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.Copy !req
735. You really know your cameras.Copy !req
736. And you're very cute.Copy !req
737. Me? Really?Copy !req
738. I'm going on break.Copy !req
739. I was going to step out back
and have a cigarette.Copy !req
740. Would you like to join me?Copy !req
741. I don't smoke.Copy !req
742. Neither do I.Copy !req
743. Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
744. What is it?Copy !req
745. This is great!Copy !req
746. You're so innocent.Copy !req
747. Let's change that...
Shall we?Copy !req
748. What would you like me to do?Copy !req
749. Well...
I don't really know...Copy !req
750. I guess I really
haven't done that much.Copy !req
751. I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars,Copy !req
752. and model UN., advanced placement classes,
after-school tutor...Copy !req
753. Ah!Copy !req
754. Gosh, you really like cameras!Copy !req
755. Sometimes, we find our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure,Copy !req
756. that they sometimes
scream out, "no,"Copy !req
757. when really
they mean "yes."Copy !req
758. And this is why
we have the safe word.Copy !req
759. The safe word?Copy !req
760. If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great,Copy !req
761. you just use the safe word.Copy !req
762. Until we hear the safe word,
we will not stop.Copy !req
763. Yeah, right. Stop.
All right.Copy !req
764. We're going
to start slowly,Copy !req
765. teasing you with a little
light erotic foreplay.Copy !req
766. Whee!Copy !req
767. Oh, yes, ladies!Copy !req
768. On, on, Vandersexxx!Copy !req
769. Hans! Gruber!Copy !req
770. Hi.Copy !req
771. So, are the girls coming back?Copy !req
772. Administer the testicle clamps!Copy !req
773. Huh? What? Hey!Copy !req
774. Safe word!Copy !req
775. What is that?
That's not a word, it's a...Copy !req
776. Fluggen!Copy !req
777. Okay, Mister,
don't move. Excuse me?Copy !req
778. Shut the hell up!Copy !req
779. Oh, brother!
Please don't hurt me.Copy !req
780. Oh, no... You're fine.
That's good. You're fine.Copy !req
781. Give me cash?
You got cash? Give me cash?Copy !req
782. Take it all, you dirty girl.Copy !req
783. What?Copy !req
784. Your wallet!
Focus!Copy !req
785. Give it to me.
Oh!Copy !req
786. Oh, I love you!Copy !req
787. I love you!Copy !req
788. I love you!Copy !req
789. I love you!Copy !req
790. What's so funny?Copy !req
791. I'm really hungry.
I think I've got the munchies.Copy !req
792. Excuse me.
Huh?Copy !req
793. It's hot in here. You hot?
'Cause I'm really hot.Copy !req
794. So good.
Okay, I can't breathe! God!Copy !req
795. I'm freaking out!Copy !req
796. I think we got a bad batch
'cause I'm freaking out.Copy !req
797. I can't...
I can't do this.Copy !req
798. I saw a gay porno once.
I didn't know until halfway in.Copy !req
799. The girls never came.
The girls never came!Copy !req
800. I am freaking out!Copy !req
801. Everything all right with you?Copy !req
802. No, nothing's all right.Copy !req
803. You sold us a bad batch
of hash brownies.Copy !req
804. You're a bad Rastafarian.Copy !req
805. These are not hash brownies.Copy !req
806. Hmm?Copy !req
807. What was that?
We do not sell hash brownies here.Copy !req
808. We're a simple Dutch bakery!Copy !req
809. Now put your clothes
back on, white boy!Copy !req
810. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
811. "Fluggengegeholen!"Copy !req
812. Did you say fluggegecheimen?Copy !req
813. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
814. For the love of God,
fluggengecheimen!Copy !req
815. Are you sure?Copy !req
816. Yes, please.Copy !req
817. As you wish.Copy !req
818. Bring on
the fluggegecheimen!Copy !req
819. Wait... What?Copy !req
820. Uh-oh.Copy !req
821. No, no, no!
I didn't say fluggegecheimen,Copy !req
822. I said, uh...Copy !req
823. What'd you do last night?Copy !req
824. I don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
825. What did you guys do?Copy !req
826. Don't want
to talk about it.Copy !req
827. What is that?Copy !req
828. Free T-shirt.Copy !req
829. Hey, guys.Copy !req
830. What happened to you?Copy !req
831. I got robbed.Copy !req
832. It was awesome!Copy !req
833. All our money,
our passports, our tickets...Copy !req
834. Everything, gone!Copy !req
835. How the hell could this happen?Copy !req
836. We all go to Amsterdam, and
Jamie's the one who hooks up!Copy !req
837. For shame!Copy !req
838. Oh, that's me.Copy !req
839. Coop here. Sorry.Copy !req
840. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
841. You never got
the Gutterman file?Copy !req
842. I told Humphrey
to give it to you.Copy !req
843. That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.Copy !req
844. Yes, sir,
I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately.Copy !req
845. Bye.Copy !req
846. This job's killing me.Copy !req
847. Uh...
Let me handle this.Copy !req
848. I speak bad German.Copy !req
849. What did he say?
He said he's driving.Copy !req
850. Oh.
Something.Copy !req
851. Ja.Copy !req
852. Berlin?Copy !req
853. Berlin?
Berlin!Copy !req
854. He's going to Berlin!
Awesome!Copy !req
855. All right! Berlin!
Come on, let's go!Copy !req
856. Next stop, Berlin!Copy !req
857. Beautiful!
We made it to Berlin.Copy !req
858. Ja. Berlin!Copy !req
859. Bratislava?
Yeah.Copy !req
860. Bratislava!Copy !req
861. Dear sweet
mother of God.Copy !req
862. We're in Eastern Europe.Copy !req
863. Ew!Copy !req
864. Excuse me.Copy !req
865. Do you speak any English?Copy !req
866. You are Americans?Copy !req
867. Yeah.Copy !req
868. I love America.Copy !req
869. We just get Miami Vice
on television.Copy !req
870. Miami Vice is number one
new show.Copy !req
871. Yeah.Copy !req
872. Listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.Copy !req
873. Do you know if there's
a train coming anytime soon?Copy !req
874. Oh, yes, very soon.
They are building it now.Copy !req
875. Stop! Hammer time!Copy !req
876. Enjoy Bratislava!Copy !req
877. It's good you came in summer.Copy !req
878. In winter, it can get
very depressing.Copy !req
879. We gotta figure something out.
How much money do we have?Copy !req
880. Frommer's travel tip.Copy !req
881. I don't have anything.Copy !req
882. What? I got noth...
Fine.Copy !req
883. $1.83 American.Copy !req
884. What are we gonna get with that?Copy !req
885. Gotta love that exchange rate!Copy !req
886. Ta.Copy !req
887. Hapi djus.Copy !req
888. Hmm. Now with less pulp.Copy !req
889. Dinner is served.Copy !req
890. Would the masters care
for anything else?Copy !req
891. Think we're good.
Thanks.Copy !req
892. Ah! A nickel!Copy !req
893. You see this?Copy !req
894. I quit!Copy !req
895. I open my own hotel!Copy !req
896. So, we got
27 cents left.Copy !req
897. What is there to do
in this town?Copy !req
898. ♪ My Scotty ♪ Scotty, ScottyCopy !req
899. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
900. ♪ Don't tell ScottyCopy !req
901. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
902. This song sounds familiar.Copy !req
903. Jenny, lemme check your coat.Copy !req
904. Hey!
Jenny!Copy !req
905. That outfit is horrible!
Just take it off... Now!Copy !req
906. No, but I will let you
buy me a drink.Copy !req
907. Excuse me!Copy !req
908. You are the woman from the Paris train station,
aren't you?Copy !req
909. My name is...
Christoph.Copy !req
910. Yes.Copy !req
911. What are you doing here?Copy !req
912. This is my place.Copy !req
913. My family owns many nightclubs throughout Europe.Copy !req
914. I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P. room for a drink.Copy !req
915. Mmm. Okay.Copy !req
916. Bye, Cooper.Copy !req
917. What's that?
It's absinthe.Copy !req
918. Frommer's says it's
illegal in the StatesCopy !req
919. because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.Copy !req
920. They call it
"the green fairy."Copy !req
921. My family has a yacht
in the Aegean.Copy !req
922. Come with me, Jennifer.
We will sail away together.Copy !req
923. Oh, my God!Copy !req
924. We will swim with dolphins,Copy !req
925. and sip champagne by moonlight.Copy !req
926. Oh, my God!Copy !req
927. We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.Copy !req
928. My wife makes the best sangria.Copy !req
929. Wait... What?Copy !req
930. Sangria.Copy !req
931. You take a good Spanish Rioja,Copy !req
932. and you put in slices
of orange, and...Copy !req
933. No, wait.
You said you were married?Copy !req
934. You just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet?Copy !req
935. No, please, Jennifer.
It is not like that.Copy !req
936. I also sleep with men.Copy !req
937. I gotta say,
I'm not feeling anything.Copy !req
938. Me neither.Copy !req
939. Sober as a judge.Copy !req
940. How 'bout you?Copy !req
941. I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.Copy !req
942. This absinthe is bullshit!Copy !req
943. I hear you, my brother.Copy !req
944. I'm outta here.Copy !req
945. Excuse me.Copy !req
946. Hey, so where's Christoph?
Shut up.Copy !req
947. - Europe!
- Europe!Copy !req
948. - Whoo!
- Europe!Copy !req
949. So, tomorrow, Berlin.Copy !req
950. Tomorrow, Mieke!Copy !req
951. Check it out.Copy !req
952. No way!Copy !req
953. Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
Goddamn it!Copy !req
954. It's just so unfair.
I've been all over the placeCopy !req
955. looking for crazy European sex,
and he's the one who ends up...Copy !req
956. Oh, my God!Copy !req
957. That is some pretty
fucked-up shit.Copy !req
958. Can you say, "What the fuck
did I do last night?"Copy !req
959. They really are
the worst twins ever.Copy !req
960. That was a pretty
wild night, eh?Copy !req
961. Yep. Pretty wild,
pretty wild.Copy !req
962. I know I was out of control.Copy !req
963. How about you guys?
Did you...Copy !req
964. All right, look.
We were really drunk,Copy !req
965. things got a little crazy,
and Jamie...Copy !req
966. ...kissed me.Copy !req
967. Let's just forget
about it, okay?Copy !req
968. Consider it forgotten.
Never happened.Copy !req
969. Never happened.Copy !req
970. Fine. Let's just
forget about it.Copy !req
971. It's not like you two had sex.Copy !req
972. Have you had sex?Copy !req
973. Shut up, Cooper!
Jamie, relax.Copy !req
974. Cooper. Please?Copy !req
975. Okay, fine.
I'll give it a rest.Copy !req
976. Jamie, could I borrow
your Frommer's?Copy !req
977. Oh, here it is.
Bratislava.Copy !req
978. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.Copy !req
979. Oh, here's a fun fact.Copy !req
980. You made out with
your sister, man!Copy !req
981. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Like two dogs in heat.Copy !req
982. My friends, where is the beef?Copy !req
983. You go to Berlin?
I'm your ride.Copy !req
984. Hop in.Copy !req
985. This is Mieke's
apartment building.Copy !req
986. Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.Copy !req
987. You'll do great, Scotty.Copy !req
988. Thanks.Copy !req
989. I came all this way.
I'm not gonna miss this.Copy !req
990. Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!
Stop.Copy !req
991. Hi, my name is Scott Thomas.Copy !req
992. I'm from America,
and I'm here to see Mieke.Copy !req
993. I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here.Copy !req
994. Do you know where she is?Copy !req
995. She's gone for the summer.Copy !req
996. My daughter had intended to
spend the summer in America,Copy !req
997. looking at colleges
and visiting some friends.Copy !req
998. But several days ago,
she suddenly changed her mind.Copy !req
999. She would not tell me why.Copy !req
1000. I think I know why.Copy !req
1001. This is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.Copy !req
1002. As I was saying, she packed
up her bag and left.Copy !req
1003. It was all very sudden.Copy !req
1004. Do you know
where she is now?Copy !req
1005. As you know,
she's always been very interested in the classics,Copy !req
1006. Greek and Roman literature
and history,Copy !req
1007. and she's always
enjoyed the ocean,Copy !req
1008. so she found a program that
combines all her interests.Copy !req
1009. Do you know where she is?Copy !req
1010. She enrolled in a summer at sea program,
based in Rome.Copy !req
1011. Rome.Copy !req
1012. Okay, then I guess
we'll go to Rome, then.Copy !req
1013. Unfortunately, Mieke's only
in Rome for orientation.Copy !req
1014. Tomorrow her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer.Copy !req
1015. She'll be quite unreachable.Copy !req
1016. Unreachable.Copy !req
1017. Mieke's tour group goes
to the Vatican tomorrow,Copy !req
1018. then she gets on that boat
and she's gone.Copy !req
1019. So, it's over?Copy !req
1020. Thanks for sticking with me
through this, guys, but...Copy !req
1021. You should probably call
your parents,Copy !req
1022. have them wire you
some money and go home.Copy !req
1023. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1024. I'm going to Rome.
I'll walk, I'll hitchhike,Copy !req
1025. I'll swim if I have to,
but I'll get to Mieke somehow.Copy !req
1026. Maybe that'll help.Copy !req
1027. Where'd you get all that?Copy !req
1028. Wait. Where's your Leica?Copy !req
1029. Sold it.Copy !req
1030. What?Copy !req
1031. You sold your Leica?Copy !req
1032. But you loved that thing.Copy !req
1033. What about your
photo tour of Europe?Copy !req
1034. What about the chateaus?Copy !req
1035. Chateaus have been there
for 300 years.Copy !req
1036. Mieke's gone in 12 hours.Copy !req
1037. Come on, let's go!
Frommer's says to check inCopy !req
1038. three hours before
any international flight.Copy !req
1039. Come here, guidebook!Copy !req
1040. Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!Copy !req
1041. ♪ Be my girlCopy !req
1042. ♪ Be my girlCopy !req
1043. ♪ Are you gonna be myCopy !req
1044. ♪ Girl, yeahCopy !req
1045. ♪ Be my girlCopy !req
1046. ♪ Be my girlCopy !req
1047. ♪ Are you gonna be my girlCopy !req
1048. All right, summer at sea group.Copy !req
1049. Our tour begins
in the Vatican museum.Copy !req
1050. This way, please.Copy !req
1051. There it is.Copy !req
1052. This entrance is for
private tour groups only.Copy !req
1053. Oh... But we are
a private tour group.Copy !req
1054. We've come all the way
from America.Copy !req
1055. That guy in the orange jacket
is mentally retarded.Copy !req
1056. Si, I can tell.
How very, very sad.Copy !req
1057. Yes, it is.Copy !req
1058. But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?Copy !req
1059. We've got a fantastic
tour guide.Copy !req
1060. Right here.
What? No...Copy !req
1061. The Vatican has been used
as a papal residenceCopy !req
1062. ever since the time of Emperor Constantine the GreatCopy !req
1063. of the 5th century A.D.!Copy !req
1064. Oh.Copy !req
1065. Okay... Um... If you'll
all follow me, please.Copy !req
1066. Have a very special dayCopy !req
1067. for a very special little man.Copy !req
1068. Okay.Copy !req
1069. I can't believe
that guy let us in.Copy !req
1070. What a retard!Copy !req
1071. Let's find Mieke.
Scusate.Copy !req
1072. One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick.Copy !req
1073. Could you please take
these peoples also?Copy !req
1074. How big is Vatican City?Copy !req
1075. .5 square kilometers.Copy !req
1076. Who built the colonnades?Copy !req
1077. Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.Copy !req
1078. Where are the bathrooms?Copy !req
1079. Floors 2, 6 and 7.Copy !req
1080. Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope.Copy !req
1081. When this happens,
white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact...Copy !req
1082. Mieke's gotta be
around here somewhere.Copy !req
1083. Let's go.Copy !req
1084. Behind me is the
appartamento papale,Copy !req
1085. or Papal Apartment.Copy !req
1086. We're obviously not permitted.Copy !req
1087. Excuse me, miss.
What is this?Copy !req
1088. That is the bell of San Marco.Copy !req
1089. When the Pope dies,
the Cardinal Vicar of RomeCopy !req
1090. rings this bell to notify
the people of Rome.Copy !req
1091. Next we will view the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.Copy !req
1092. Come on.Copy !req
1093. I think I heard them.
Which way did they go?Copy !req
1094. That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.Copy !req
1095. Good enough for me.Copy !req
1096. Hey, check it out!
I wonder what this does.Copy !req
1097. It doesn't do anything,
it's a rope. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1098. They got a lot
of old stuff here.Copy !req
1099. Dio mio!Copy !req
1100. The bell of San Marco!Copy !req
1101. The Pope is dead!Copy !req
1102. Whoa.Copy !req
1103. She's not in here.Copy !req
1104. Let's go.
We're definitely not supposed to be in here.Copy !req
1105. Hey, check this out!Copy !req
1106. I'm the Pope!Copy !req
1107. Cooper...Copy !req
1108. Take off the pope hat.Copy !req
1109. Oh, no. It's okay.
I'm Catholic.Copy !req
1110. Take it off, god damn it!Copy !req
1111. Oh, you took the
Lord's name in vain!Copy !req
1112. Only I can forgive
you now, my son.Copy !req
1113. Take that fudging thing off!Copy !req
1114. The Pope breaks
an open-field tackle.Copy !req
1115. It's a Hail Mary,
he catches at the 40...Copy !req
1116. The 30, the 20, the 10...Copy !req
1117. Touchdown, Pope!Copy !req
1118. The Pope makes
a two-point conversion.Copy !req
1119. And oh, my Lord!
It's the Pope, eight,Copy !req
1120. and the heathens, nothing!Copy !req
1121. How's you, sucka?Copy !req
1122. Cooper, the hat!
The hat!Copy !req
1123. The hat is on fire!Copy !req
1124. ♪ We don't need no water
let the mother... ♪Copy !req
1125. I'm not kidding! Look!Copy !req
1126. Oh, holy shit!Copy !req
1127. I don't want this!Copy !req
1128. Fireplace! Fireplace!
Go, go!Copy !req
1129. Whoa!Copy !req
1130. White smoke!Copy !req
1131. They've elected the new pope!Copy !req
1132. I'm coming to you live
from Vatican SquareCopy !req
1133. where the College of Cardinals,
in a surprise move,Copy !req
1134. has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very excited.Copy !req
1135. This is so strange.Copy !req
1136. Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.Copy !req
1137. We could be seeing
history in the making!Copy !req
1138. We could be seeing an arrest
in the making.Copy !req
1139. There she is.Copy !req
1140. Hey! Stupid curtain!Copy !req
1141. Let me out!Copy !req
1142. Mieke!Copy !req
1143. It's the new pope!Copy !req
1144. What the hell?Copy !req
1145. Mieke!Copy !req
1146. Hold on!Copy !req
1147. This is one crazy pope.Copy !req
1148. You!Copy !req
1149. Ferma! Stop! You!Copy !req
1150. You... And your
retarded friend,Copy !req
1151. you're in big, big trouble.Copy !req
1152. Oi!Copy !req
1153. Take your mitts off them boys!Copy !req
1154. They're with me!Copy !req
1155. I've just about had enough
of you fuckin' Ities!Copy !req
1156. But I am Swiss!Copy !req
1157. Them, too!Copy !req
1158. Now, bud...Copy !req
1159. You get in there, and you
say what you got to say.Copy !req
1160. Mieke. I'm here.Copy !req
1161. I made it.Copy !req
1162. Who are you?Copy !req
1163. What a fucking loser!
I'm gonna videotape this.Copy !req
1164. I'm Scott.Copy !req
1165. From Ohio?Copy !req
1166. Scott?Copy !req
1167. Scott Thomas?Copy !req
1168. Yes.
From Ohio?Copy !req
1169. What are you doing in Rome?Copy !req
1170. I came here to be with you.Copy !req
1171. Listen, I just traveled
all the way across Europe.Copy !req
1172. I got chased by naked men.Copy !req
1173. I ate brownies with absolutely
no drugs in them.Copy !req
1174. I watched a brother
and sister make out.Copy !req
1175. I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...Copy !req
1176. ...so I could tell you
one thing.Copy !req
1177. I love you, Mieke.Copy !req
1178. Aw...Copy !req
1179. We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?Copy !req
1180. I think...Copy !req
1181. Oh, Mike...
Mieke!Copy !req
1182. Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.Copy !req
1183. I have cheated on my husband.Copy !req
1184. Do you think God
will ever forgive me?Copy !req
1185. Oh, yes!Copy !req
1186. Father?Copy !req
1187. This sucks.Copy !req
1188. I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here.Copy !req
1189. Europe is officially
the worst country on Earth.Copy !req
1190. I know.Copy !req
1191. I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex.Copy !req
1192. What?Copy !req
1193. Scott, I have to go.
Okay.Copy !req
1194. My boat is leaving.Copy !req
1195. I still can't believe
you came all the way here,Copy !req
1196. just for me.Copy !req
1197. What can I say?
I'm very unpredictable.Copy !req
1198. Keep writing to me, Scott, okay?Copy !req
1199. Yeah, I will.Copy !req
1200. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1201. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
1202. Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.Copy !req
1203. This was the best time
of my life.Copy !req
1204. Excuse me.Copy !req
1205. You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican,
aren't you?Copy !req
1206. Listen, I'm very sorry...
I just wanted to thank you.Copy !req
1207. You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic,Copy !req
1208. tour guide I've ever had.Copy !req
1209. Thanks.Copy !req
1210. But I'm not actually
a tour guide.Copy !req
1211. I've just read Frommer's
enough to have it memorized.Copy !req
1212. Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about.Copy !req
1213. How would you like to add them?Copy !req
1214. Excuse me?Copy !req
1215. That's my guidebook.Copy !req
1216. I'm Arthur Frommer.Copy !req
1217. It's amazing!Copy !req
1218. Frommer's is going to pay me to see
every museum and cathedral in Europe.Copy !req
1219. That sounds so exciting...Copy !req
1220. For you.Copy !req
1221. I figured, since you're
going to be staying,Copy !req
1222. you might need this.Copy !req
1223. A disposable camera.
That's right.Copy !req
1224. Thanks, Scotty.Copy !req
1225. That's from both of us.Copy !req
1226. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
1227. I see.Copy !req
1228. Fired? Well, I...Copy !req
1229. Well, if that's what you want,
I understand. I just...Copy !req
1230. Goodbye, sir.Copy !req
1231. They had to catch you
eventually, right?Copy !req
1232. No, they fired Humphrey.
Shut up!Copy !req
1233. I got his office and a raise.Copy !req
1234. No!Copy !req
1235. Flight 341
from Rome to Cleveland...Copy !req
1236. That's you guys.Copy !req
1237. Have a good flight, everybody.
Come here.Copy !req
1238. Be good.Copy !req
1239. Oh! Okay...Copy !req
1240. Cooper, have a good flight.
Be good.Copy !req
1241. Thanks.Copy !req
1242. I'm on it.Copy !req
1243. This still
counts as Europe, right?Copy !req
1244. "Dear Mieke,Copy !req
1245. "Greece sounds incredible.Copy !req
1246. "I just moved into
my dorm room today,Copy !req
1247. "but I can't wait to see you
over Christmas break.Copy !req
1248. "This time I think I'll fly
to Berlin direct."Copy !req
1249. Hello?
Hey buddy, how's college?Copy !req
1250. I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.Copy !req
1251. Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?Copy !req
1252. I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.Copy !req
1253. I'm thinking about
majoring in German.Copy !req
1254. German?
I've got a better idea.Copy !req
1255. Why don't you major in
not being such a woman?Copy !req
1256. So, how's Jenny?Copy !req
1257. Jenny...
Jenny who?Copy !req
1258. I know a lot of ladies
named Jenny, they're all...Copy !req
1259. Ow!Copy !req
1260. Hey, Scotty, what's up?Copy !req
1261. Hi, Jenny!Copy !req
1262. Have you heard from Jamie?
How's he doing with Frommer?Copy !req
1263. Oh, no.Copy !req
1264. Hold on.Copy !req
1265. Come here, robot!Copy !req
1266. Cooper, not again!Copy !req
1267. Hold on, this could be
my new roommate.Copy !req
1268. What's the freak
look like?Copy !req
1269. Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.Copy !req
1270. Is he bigger than me?Copy !req
1271. I just got your last email.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
1272. Going to college.Copy !req
1273. You're going to college here?Copy !req
1274. What dorm?
This one.Copy !req
1275. Room 214.Copy !req
1276. How is this possible?Copy !req
1277. I guess they thought
I was a guy.Copy !req
1278. Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?Copy !req
1279. Do I hear kissing?Copy !req
1280. Are you making out with
your new roommate, Scotty?Copy !req
1281. Scotty?Copy !req
1282. Scotty? Scotty!Copy !req
1283. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and meCopy !req
1284. This happy ending is bullshit.Copy !req
1285. When does the fairy get laid?
I'm outta here.Copy !req
1286. ♪ Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1287. ♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1288. Catchy tune.
Fuckin'-A, man.Copy !req
1289. ♪ Fiona says she's out shoppingCopy !req
1290. ♪ But she's under me
and I'm not stoppingCopy !req
1291. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1292. Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1293. Hello, and welcome toCopy !req
1294. Amsterdam's finest and most
luxurious youth hostel.Copy !req
1295. Sounds great.Copy !req
1296. There is no bathroom,
nor is there one nearby.Copy !req
1297. ♪ I can't believe
he's so trustingCopy !req
1298. Sorry.Copy !req
1299. ♪ While I'm right
behind you thrustingCopy !req
1300. Get it?
She got it.Copy !req
1301. If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen,Copy !req
1302. I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.Copy !req
1303. You can also try
hiding your valuables...Copy !req
1304. In your anus.Copy !req
1305. Drink?Copy !req
1306. I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, okay?Copy !req
1307. Ready? Quit. Shut up.Copy !req
1308. Sorry. I know
I fucked it up.Copy !req
1309. Yes! You take her hair...Copy !req
1310. And one strand at a time,
pull it out!Copy !req
1311. Use her like a humping post!Copy !req
1312. Jenny, this is Europe.Copy !req
1313. They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.Copy !req
1314. Hapi djus.Copy !req
1315. You got to show them
something they haven't seen.Copy !req
1316. ♪ Fiona's got him on the phoneCopy !req
1317. ♪ And she's trying not to moanCopy !req
1318. ♪ It's a three-way call
and he knows nothingCopy !req
1319. ♪ Nothing Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1320. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1321. Should a fire occur,
due to our faulty wiring,Copy !req
1322. or the fireworks factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated,Copy !req
1323. along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus.Copy !req
1324. ♪ So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1325. ♪ Really want to goCopy !req
1326. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1327. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1328. ♪ The parking lot why not?Copy !req
1329. ♪ It's so cool
when you're on topCopy !req
1330. ♪ Life is so hard
'cause Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1331. ♪ Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1332. Fuck off! Get out of it,
you wankers!Copy !req
1333. Go on, you Gaelic fucking
garlic-breath tossers!Copy !req
1334. Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!Copy !req
1335. Come on! Fucking come
and have it!Copy !req
1336. You fucking beep?Copy !req
1337. We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!Copy !req
1338. Fuck off!Copy !req
1339. Go on, you French bastards!Copy !req
1340. Get on the other side
of the road, you pricks!Copy !req
1341. Go on out of it!Copy !req
1342. Fuck off!Copy !req
1343. I'm nackered.Copy !req
1344. League supporters.Copy !req
1345. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1346. No, wait...Copy !req
1347. Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old.Copy !req
1348. ♪ Gonna tell Scotty
gonna tell myselfCopy !req
1349. ♪ Scotty has to know
Scotty has to knowCopy !req
1350. ♪ Scotty has to Scotty has to goCopy !req
1351. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1352. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1353. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1354. ♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know ♪Copy !req
1355. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1356. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1357. Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1358. Scotty's gotta go!Copy !req
1359. Is it off yet?Copy !req
1360. No, keep rubbing it.Copy !req