1. congratulations,
hudson high class of 2004.
Copy !req
2. There she is.
Fiona!
Copy !req
3. Bye.
Copy !req
4. - Hey.
- Hey!
Copy !req
5. - hey, you.
Copy !req
6. - Congratulations, graduate.
- Thanks, baby.
Copy !req
7. And congratulations
to you, cooper.
Copy !req
8. Aww. Thanks, baby!
Copy !req
9. Nice try.
Copy !req
10. All right. See you at
wade's party tonight?
Copy !req
11. See you then.
Copy !req
12. So, it's just you and me
for the entire summer.
Copy !req
13. Next year you graduate,
join me at college.
Copy !req
14. Just like we planned.
Copy !req
15. - Scott, we need to talk.
- Yeah? About what?
Copy !req
16. About me dumping you.
Copy !req
17. Huh?
Copy !req
18. there he is!
Copy !req
19. The graduate and his
beautiful girlfriend. Ok?
Copy !req
20. Smile, you two!
Copy !req
21. - Action!
- Dad, mom, grandma...
Copy !req
22. Uncle moke... Uh...
Copy !req
23. I'm gonna need
a minute here, ok?
Copy !req
24. What do you mean,
you're dumping me?
Copy !req
25. Scott, I just can't take
Copy !req
26. All the lying and cheating
on each other anymore.
Copy !req
27. What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.
Copy !req
28. I know. That's what
makes this so hard.
Copy !req
29. You're looking good,
you guys.
Copy !req
30. Scotty, it's not you.
Copy !req
31. It's me.
Copy !req
32. There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.
Copy !req
33. You're just so...
Copy !req
34. - Predictable.
- Smile!
Copy !req
35. So, that's it.
Copy !req
36. Here's your
letter jacket back.
Copy !req
37. Goodbye.
Copy !req
38. This isn't mine.
Copy !req
39. She's a keeper, huh?
Oh, wow.
Copy !req
40. Oh, my god.
Copy !req
41. fiona!
Copy !req
42. let's see that again.
Copy !req
43. Fiona!
Copy !req
44. - This is just so brutal.
Copy !req
45. And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.
Copy !req
46. - Fiona!
- Bert, get out of here.
Copy !req
47. ok. See you.
Copy !req
48. All right.
Stay black, bert.
Copy !req
49. "fiona!"
Copy !req
50. mail, motherfucker!
Copy !req
51. Hey, I got one
from mieke.
Copy !req
52. "happy herzlichen."
Copy !req
53. You still writing that guy?
I thought that was just
for german class.
Copy !req
54. It was at first, but we're
actually becoming good friends.
Copy !req
55. He's a really cool guy.
Copy !req
56. "dear mieke, greetings from
your american pen pal."
Copy !req
57. Scotty, girl scouts
have pen pals.
Copy !req
58. Listen to yourself,
all right?
Copy !req
59. You met a "cool guy"
on the "internet."
Copy !req
60. This is how these
sexual predators work.
Copy !req
61. Next thing you know,
he'll want to
"arrange a meeting"
Copy !req
62. Where he will gas you,
stuff you in the back
of his van,
Copy !req
63. And make a windchime
out of your genitals.
Copy !req
64. - Come on, let's go to wade's.
- all right.
Copy !req
65. Screw it.
Let's go.
Copy !req
66. I'm not gonna let fiona
ruin my graduation night.
Copy !req
67. Auf wiedersehen, mieke.
Copy !req
68. - What's up, losers?
- What's up, jenny?
Copy !req
69. What's up, dude?
Copy !req
70. Sorry to hear about fiona.
She's a whore.
Copy !req
71. That's very sweet of you.
Thanks.
Copy !req
72. Enough fiona talk.
Copy !req
73. Look around. There's
gotta be 100 drunk girls.
Copy !req
74. We should try to have sex
with every one of 'em.
Copy !req
75. Hello?
Mixed company?
Copy !req
76. What?
Copy !req
77. - I'm a girl!
- No, you're not.
Copy !req
78. You're just a cool guy
with long hair.
Copy !req
79. So, where's your
evil twin brother?
Copy !req
80. Jenny!
Copy !req
81. There he is.
Copy !req
82. Hey, jamie.
In fine form, I see.
Copy !req
83. why'd you
get me gin and tonic?
Copy !req
84. - I hate gin.
- You do?
Copy !req
85. You guys are
the worst twins ever!
Copy !req
86. chug! Chug!
Copy !req
87. - When are you guys taking off?
- Tomorrow morning.
Copy !req
88. Hey, wade!
Great party, bud.
Copy !req
89. Man, I am so excited!
Copy !req
90. A whole summer,
backpacking around europe.
Copy !req
91. You should've come with us
Copy !req
92. Instead of working
for dr. Dad, scotty!
Copy !req
93. It's gonna be
so awesome!
Copy !req
94. Yeah. I planned every
detail of the trip
to maximize the fun!
Copy !req
95. You brought a guidebook
to a party?
Copy !req
96. - Do you wanna see my itinerary?
- Do you wanna see my balls?
Copy !req
97. You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?
Copy !req
98. Paris!
I can't wait.
Copy !req
99. Two years ago nicky jager's
sister, debbie,
Copy !req
100. Met a wealthy french guy,
Copy !req
101. And spent a month sailing
the mediterranean on his yacht.
Copy !req
102. Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?
Copy !req
103. Stuck on a boat
with a weird french guy?
Copy !req
104. That sounds a little gay.
Copy !req
105. It's not gay.
I'm a girl.
Copy !req
106. - Kinda gay.
- A little gay.
Copy !req
107. I gotta piss
like a pregnant woman.
Copy !req
108. Hey, listen up, everybody.
Copy !req
109. Gotta a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.
Copy !req
110. Going to play
a little song for you
Copy !req
111. About the nastiest, freakiest
little sex puppet I know...
Copy !req
112. Fiona.
Copy !req
113. This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.
Copy !req
114. I hope we're just
as popular in college
Copy !req
115. As we were in high school.
Copy !req
116. - we will be.
- I know.
Copy !req
117. who needs
more chablis?
Copy !req
118. - candy, wanna come with?
- No, I'll stay here.
Copy !req
119. Well, there's your
r-rating right there.
Copy !req
120. - Whoops!
Copy !req
121. holy cow!
Copy !req
122. Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car!
Copy !req
123. Cooper harris, you're a pig!
Copy !req
124. Uh... Candy, you should clean
that off before you go.
Copy !req
125. Clean what off?
Copy !req
126. You've got a little
something on you.
Copy !req
127. Where?
Copy !req
128. Right there.
Copy !req
129. It's like a smudge,
or something.
Copy !req
130. Where?
Copy !req
131. It's like dirt, or something.
Just go like this.
Copy !req
132. Is it off?
Copy !req
133. No. Keep rubbing it.
Copy !req
134. mmm-hmm...
Mmm-hmm...
Copy !req
135. No, it's just
not coming off.
Copy !req
136. What is it?
Copy !req
137. It may be tree sap or something.
Try pinching it.
Copy !req
138. No, it's just not coming off
I'll tell you what.
Copy !req
139. Lick your fingers.
Get some saliva going.
Copy !req
140. Like this?
Copy !req
141. Yeah.
Copy !req
142. Again,
not enough saliva.
Copy !req
143. - Is it off yet?
- Fine, I'll do it.
Copy !req
144. come here.
Copy !req
145. Oh, my god! Candy!
Copy !req
146. cooper!
Copy !req
147. hey...
Copy !req
148. This isn't where
I parked my car.
Copy !req
149. Hey.
Copy !req
150. scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Copy !req
151. This band rocks!
Copy !req
152. - Yeah!
Copy !req
153. mail, motherfucker!
Copy !req
154. Hey, mieke.
Copy !req
155. "dear scott,
Copy !req
156. "I was very sad to hear
Copy !req
157. "about your lady woman
fiona dumping you.
Copy !req
158. "since you no longer
have a girlfriend,
Copy !req
159. "maybe I could come
to america
Copy !req
160. "and we could get to know
each other better."
Copy !req
161. "perhaps we could..."
Copy !req
162. "zussamen."
Copy !req
163. What the fuck is "zussamen"?
Copy !req
164. "arrange a meeting."
Copy !req
165. No, no, no! Come on!
Cooper was right.
Copy !req
166. This guy wants
to have sex with me.
Copy !req
167. "listen, mieke...
Copy !req
168. "I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you,
Copy !req
169. "you sick, german freak.
Copy !req
170. "so please keep your hands
off my genitals,
Copy !req
171. "and never write to me again,
Copy !req
172. "and don't come to america."
Copy !req
173. "goodbye."
Copy !req
174. Oww.
Copy !req
175. I'm never drinking again.
Oh, that's nice.
Copy !req
176. Bert, what are you doing?
Copy !req
177. Reading your email.
Copy !req
178. Don't do that.
Copy !req
179. Why are you wearing
my bathrobe?
Copy !req
180. Oh, I'm sorry...
Copy !req
181. But somebody pissed
all over mine last night.
Copy !req
182. Wow. I can't believe
this german chick
Copy !req
183. Wants to come here
and hook up with you.
Copy !req
184. I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.
Copy !req
185. No, it says right here,
Copy !req
186. "trauriges madchen."
Copy !req
187. "I was a sad girl
to hear about fiona."
Copy !req
188. Fuckin' a, scott.
Copy !req
189. I'm taking "intro to german,"
and even I know that.
Copy !req
190. Come here.
Copy !req
191. He sent me a picture,
retardo.
Copy !req
192. See? That's a picture of mieke
and his cute cousin, jan.
Copy !req
193. No, retardo.
Copy !req
194. That's jan, a man's name,
Copy !req
195. And that's not "mike,"
Copy !req
196. It's "mieke," a common
german girl's name,
Copy !req
197. Similar to our michelle.
Copy !req
198. I hope you wrote her back
and told her to come visit.
Copy !req
199. You didn't?
Copy !req
200. You thought she was a guy!
Copy !req
201. I'm getting
the video camera! Ha!
Copy !req
202. what an asshole!
Copy !req
203. no.
Copy !req
204. No.
Copy !req
205. no!
Copy !req
206. "address blocked"?
"email not delivered."
Copy !req
207. No... Come on!
Copy !req
208. Hey, mom made waffles.
Copy !req
209. - What's going on?
- I'm in love with my pen pal.
Copy !req
210. I'm in love with mieke.
Copy !req
211. Ok... Ok.
Copy !req
212. You know what?
I was actually
expecting this.
Copy !req
213. Frankly, I'm flattered
Copy !req
214. You picked me
to come out to first.
Copy !req
215. And don't worry about
telling your folks, 'cause...
Copy !req
216. - I think they already know.
- No, you idiot. Mike is a girl.
Copy !req
217. No, no, I get it.
Yeah.
Copy !req
218. He's the girl,
and you're the girl,
Copy !req
219. And sometimes
you're both the girl.
Copy !req
220. Right?
Copy !req
221. Right?
That's hot.
Copy !req
222. But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.
Copy !req
223. Will you stop?
Look, come here.
Look at this picture.
Copy !req
224. Wow. Who's the hot chick?
Copy !req
225. That's "mike."
I mean, mieke.
Copy !req
226. That's mieke? That's who you've
been writing to all this time?
Copy !req
227. Until last night,
when I took your advice
Copy !req
228. And told her to keep her
"hands off my genitals."
Copy !req
229. Given what we know now,
that seems like the exact
opposite of what you want.
Copy !req
230. This is a total disaster.
Copy !req
231. Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.
Copy !req
232. Though she is really hot.
Copy !req
233. You're not listening.
I don't even care
what she looks like.
Copy !req
234. Mieke and I had
this incredible bond.
Copy !req
235. I told her things
I couldn't even tell you.
Copy !req
236. Like what?
Copy !req
237. Nothing. It's a figure
of speech, coop.
Copy !req
238. - No, seriously. What?
- Nothing. The point...
Copy !req
239. - You like me better, right?
- Listen...
Copy !req
240. This girl is not only
smart and funny,
and stunningly beautiful,
Copy !req
241. But until I screwed up,
she wanted to come
Copy !req
242. All the way to america,
just to be with me.
Copy !req
243. - So do something about it.
- What can I do?
Copy !req
244. She blocked her email account,
her phone number's not listed.
Copy !req
245. The only thing I know
is she lives in berlin.
Copy !req
246. So go to berlin.
Copy !req
247. I can't just go
to berlin, coop.
Copy !req
248. - Why not?
- Because...
Copy !req
249. I just can't, ok?
Copy !req
250. I'm supposed to work
for my dad this summer.
Copy !req
251. It looks good on
my med school application.
Copy !req
252. Oh, Jesus, scotty!
Copy !req
253. Man, fiona was right.
You're so predictable.
Copy !req
254. - I'm going to germany.
- No...
Copy !req
255. We're going to germany.
Copy !req
256. how are we going
to get to germany?
Copy !req
257. Don't worry.
I've got it covered.
Copy !req
258. we're going
to be couriers?
Copy !req
259. It's the best way
to get a cheap flight.
Copy !req
260. All we have to do
is carry their packages,
Copy !req
261. And then drop them off
when we get there.
Copy !req
262. My cousin did it
when he went to india.
Copy !req
263. - Yeah?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
264. Of course, he ended up using
a public restroom in new delhi
Copy !req
265. And they had to
cut off his leg.
You know...
Copy !req
266. But he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.
Copy !req
267. Ok, I don't have anything
to germany for a week.
Copy !req
268. But I can get you both
to london today for $118.
Copy !req
269. - Anything else?
- Europe is like the size
of the eastwood mall.
Copy !req
270. We can walk to berlin
from there.
Copy !req
271. Cooper, England's an island.
Copy !req
272. Ok, swim. Whatever.
Copy !req
273. We'll take it.
Copy !req
274. - Hey.
- Hmm?
Copy !req
275. Thanks for coming with me.
Copy !req
276. I know you had that internship
at the law firm this summer.
Copy !req
277. Well, forget about
the law firm.
Copy !req
278. And don't thank me.
I should be thanking you.
Copy !req
279. This trip is a
once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity for me
Copy !req
280. To broaden
my sexual horizons.
Copy !req
281. what are you
talking about?
Copy !req
282. I'm talking about
crazy european sex.
Copy !req
283. ah.
Copy !req
284. You know america
was founded by prudes.
Copy !req
285. Prudes who left europe,
because they hated
Copy !req
286. All the kinky, steamy
european sex that was going on.
Copy !req
287. And now I,
cooper harris,
Copy !req
288. Will return to the land
of my perverted forefathers
Copy !req
289. And claim my birthright,
which is a series
Copy !req
290. Of erotic and sexually
challenging adventures.
Copy !req
291. You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?
Copy !req
292. It's my passion.
Copy !req
293. come on, come on!
Copy !req
294. The adventure begins.
Copy !req
295. Welcome to jolly
old England.
Copy !req
296. Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, european air.
Copy !req
297. - Oh.
- What is that?
Copy !req
298. It's the phone they gave me
at the law firm.
Copy !req
299. Yeah, it's
pretty neat, huh?
Copy !req
300. - Works anywhere.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
301. Excuse me.
Copy !req
302. Cooper here.
Copy !req
303. Hello, mr. Walters.
Copy !req
304. Yes, sir, I'm down
in file storage.
Copy !req
305. Um, hang on one second.
Copy !req
306. No, sir, I can't find
the gutterman file anywhere.
Copy !req
307. Yes, sir,
I'll keep looking.
Copy !req
308. I don't rest
until I find it.
Copy !req
309. Didn't tell your boss
you were leaving the country?
Copy !req
310. They would've
stopped paying me.
It seemed easier.
Copy !req
311. - So, where to?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
312. First bus to berlin doesn't
leave till tomorrow morning.
Copy !req
313. What do you wanna do?
Got the tower of london...
Copy !req
314. There's buckingham palace.
Copy !req
315. - Uh...
- There's no drinking age.
Copy !req
316. - There you go!
- Come on.
Copy !req
317. - Hey! "the fiesty goat."
Copy !req
318. All right!
Copy !req
319. What do you wanna...
Copy !req
320. Soccer hooligans.
Copy !req
321. Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car!
Copy !req
322. Oy!
Copy !req
323. Who the bloody hell are you?
Copy !req
324. This is a private members bar,
Copy !req
325. Exclusively
for the supporters
Copy !req
326. Of the greatest football
team in the world...
Copy !req
327. Manchester united.
Copy !req
328. Now please, enlighten me.
Copy !req
329. Who the fuck are you?
Copy !req
330. That is a good question,
Copy !req
331. And... Scotty?
Copy !req
332. Huh?
Copy !req
333. We're the manchester
united fan club...
Copy !req
334. From ohio.
Copy !req
335. If you're manchester united
supporters...
Copy !req
336. Sing the manchester united song.
Copy !req
337. Excuse me, I'm sorry...
Copy !req
338. I'm not much
of a singer...
Copy !req
339. Watching the manchester
united football team!
Copy !req
340. Eh?
Copy !req
341. The best freakin' team
in all the land! Whoo-hoo!
Copy !req
342. Pretty good.
Copy !req
343. - Pretty dang good, lads!
- Yeah!
Copy !req
344. I've unblocked
your email address,
Copy !req
345. But this scott
is not responding.
Copy !req
346. He was the one.
Copy !req
347. I was going to
give myself to him.
Copy !req
348. Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else...
Copy !req
349. Fraulein.
Copy !req
350. I'm never drinking again.
Copy !req
351. Coop, wake up.
Copy !req
352. Oh, man, that was
a wild night.
Copy !req
353. You think?
Copy !req
354. Scotty, where the hell
are we going?
Copy !req
355. don't worry.
If anything bad happens,
Copy !req
356. My parents will find us.
Copy !req
357. Honey, where's scotty?
Copy !req
358. Cooper said they were
going camping.
Copy !req
359. Oh, that's nice.
Copy !req
360. And where's bert?
Copy !req
361. Fuck if I know.
Copy !req
362. hey!
How are you, you scalawag!
Copy !req
363. Look, given the current
geopolitical climate,
Copy !req
364. All european countries should
have a seat at the table.
Copy !req
365. - Right.
- Except those fucking ities.
Copy !req
366. I hate them
italian bastards.
Copy !req
367. - You know what I mean?
- Excuse me.
Copy !req
368. Hello, boyo!
Copy !req
369. What the hell happened
last night?
Copy !req
370. You got steamed up,
pissed as a fart.
Copy !req
371. Too much sauce, son.
Copy !req
372. Don't worry.
Copy !req
373. We come and got ya so
you wouldn't miss the trip.
Copy !req
374. What trip?
Copy !req
375. Where are we going?
Copy !req
376. What do you mean,
where are we going?
Copy !req
377. We're going to see the mighty
reds do the frogs in paris.
Copy !req
378. Aren't we, boys?
Copy !req
379. yeah!
Copy !req
380. Why are you
yelling at me?
Copy !req
381. So I tell the swamp donkey
to sock it
Copy !req
382. Before I give her a trunky
in the tradesman's entrance
Copy !req
383. And have her lick
me yardballs!
Copy !req
384. Wow.
Copy !req
385. You guys are on like
a completely different level
of swearing over here.
Copy !req
386. Coop? Cooper,
we're going to paris.
Copy !req
387. I know.
Cecil told me.
Copy !req
388. Mieke's in berlin.
We're not going to berlin.
Copy !req
389. What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.
Copy !req
390. See what I'm talking about?
This is predictable
scotty talking.
Copy !req
391. Relax. Paris is practically
a suburb of berlin.
Copy !req
392. It's a nothing commute.
Copy !req
393. This is why France and germany
have always been allies.
Copy !req
394. Allies.
Copy !req
395. The twins. The twins
were in paris, right?
Copy !req
396. We could give them a call.
They could help us out.
Let me see your phone.
Copy !req
397. All right, but I'm really
only supposed to use this
for business calls.
Copy !req
398. hey, don't...
Copy !req
399. You're on the wrong side
of the road,
Copy !req
400. You snail-eating puffs.
Copy !req
401. Fuck off! Go on, you gaelic
fucking garlic-breath tossers!
Copy !req
402. Piss off!
Get in here and say that,
Copy !req
403. You froggy itie shities!
Copy !req
404. - fucking beep!
Copy !req
405. We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!
Copy !req
406. Get out of the way!
Piss off!
Copy !req
407. Hey, lads!
Copy !req
408. that wanker's got
a frog football shirt on!
Copy !req
409. Let's give this nancy
a fucking good kicking!
Copy !req
410. Come on, lads,
he's going off!
Copy !req
411. All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.
Copy !req
412. Look at that!
Copy !req
413. There they are.
Come on. Jenny!
Copy !req
414. - Jamie!
- Hey!
Copy !req
415. Come here!
Copy !req
416. No, no.
No, no, no!
Copy !req
417. - Scott, bienvenu paris.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
418. - Is that a new camera?
- It isn't just a camera,
Copy !req
419. This is a leica m7.
Copy !req
420. Uber-sensitive
exposure settings,
Copy !req
421. Legendary cloth
shutter system.
Copy !req
422. - Let me see that thing.
- No can do.
Copy !req
423. I spent the last four years
tutoring lacrosse players
to pay for it,
Copy !req
424. So nobody touches
my camera but me.
Copy !req
425. - So it's like your wiener.
- No, it's not like...
Copy !req
426. - Jenny...
- Cooper, leave him alone.
Copy !req
427. Wow, I can't believe
you came all the way
to europe for a girl.
Copy !req
428. Wait, not just any girl.
Copy !req
429. Show her the picture,
scotty.
Copy !req
430. She makes every girl in our
high school look like a walrus.
Copy !req
431. I'm a girl
from your high school.
Copy !req
432. No, I mean "girl" girls.
Copy !req
433. Guys, we're wasting
the whole day here.
We're in paris!
Copy !req
434. Let's go to the louvre!
Copy !req
435. to the louvre!
Copy !req
436. So, you guys
wanna stay here,
Copy !req
437. Or should we check out
the huge line
at the eiffel tower?
Copy !req
438. Here's a fun fact.
Copy !req
439. Voltaire contracted syphillis
just two blocks from here.
Copy !req
440. - Should we go?
- Can we please get out of here?
Copy !req
441. - This guy's really
creeping me out.
- Who, robot man?
Copy !req
442. He's just trying to feed
his robot family.
Copy !req
443. - I really don't like him.
- Why?
Copy !req
444. Because he's doing this?
Copy !req
445. Ok, seriously,
don't do that.
Copy !req
446. cooper.
Do not hate me.
Copy !req
447. I am familiar with
over 600 dance moves
Copy !req
448. And I am programmed
to get...
Copy !req
449. Freaky.
Copy !req
450. You're just upset because
people like me better.
Copy !req
451. It's okay.
Copy !req
452. oh!
Copy !req
453. Fight! Fight!
Copy !req
454. Break the leg shot!
Copy !req
455. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Copy !req
456. Don't look in his eyes, scotty.
Copy !req
457. - Ohhh!
- That was not cool.
Copy !req
458. - oh!
Copy !req
459. guys, let's go.
Come on.
Copy !req
460. Error! Error! Error!
Copy !req
461. how cool is this?
Copy !req
462. It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.
Copy !req
463. - Why don't you come to berlin?
- Umm, no.
Copy !req
464. Jamie, come on.
In a few months, we all
go to different colleges.
Copy !req
465. This could be the last
chance the four of us
are together like this.
Copy !req
466. Plus, we're in europe. Huh?
Copy !req
467. This should be
the trip of a lifetime.
Copy !req
468. There's no way
we should split up.
Copy !req
469. All right, this table
is now europe, ok?
Copy !req
470. Excuse me.
Copy !req
471. We are right here,
in paris,
Copy !req
472. And I have got
to get to mieke,
Copy !req
473. Who is over here,
in berlin.
Copy !req
474. If you come with us,
I'm sure there's a ton
Copy !req
475. Of great stuff to see
along the way.
Copy !req
476. - We can go to denmark.
- I love denmark.
Copy !req
477. - We gotta hit amsterdam.
- Definitely.
Copy !req
478. And the cathedral
at cameret!
Copy !req
479. - Yeah...
- Maybe. We'll see.
Copy !req
480. - whatever.
- If there's time.
Copy !req
481. Come on! I really want you
to be there when I meet mieke.
Copy !req
482. Fine.
Copy !req
483. - Excellent!
- All right!
Copy !req
484. - A toast!
- Yes!
Copy !req
485. - To mieke!
- To europe!
Copy !req
486. to europe!
Copy !req
487. Merci.
Copy !req
488. - Berlin, here we come!
- All right.
Copy !req
489. Better let me
hold on to those.
Copy !req
490. - What the hell is that?
- It's a traveler's money belt.
Copy !req
491. Frommer's says as long
as you have one of these,
Copy !req
492. No one can rob you
of anything.
Copy !req
493. Except your dignity.
Copy !req
494. No, you just put that
in your...
Copy !req
495. Wait... What?
Copy !req
496. Come on, guidebook.
Let's go.
Copy !req
497. check it out.
Copy !req
498. European ass.
Copy !req
499. What's up?
Copy !req
500. Jesus, jenny.
I thought you were some...
Copy !req
501. Girl. Come on.
Platform 4.
Copy !req
502. Thanks.
Copy !req
503. Damn!
Copy !req
504. I believe this is yours.
Copy !req
505. Pleased to meet you.
Copy !req
506. My name is christoph.
Copy !req
507. - jenny, let's go!
- move it!
Copy !req
508. Those are my friends.
We're supposed to get
on a train to berlin...
Copy !req
509. - Jenny!
- I'm coming!
Copy !req
510. So, it was really nice
to meet you.
Copy !req
511. The pleasure was all mine...
Copy !req
512. Jennifer.
Copy !req
513. You gotta admit,
it's a really catchy tune.
Copy !req
514. - ♪ scotty doesn't— ♪
- buongiorno.
Copy !req
515. Buongiorno.
Copy !req
516. You know, there are a lot
of other empty compartments.
Copy !req
517. Huh?
Copy !req
518. Ah! Si...
Copy !req
519. si.
Copy !req
520. Pardon me.
Copy !req
521. Eh?
Copy !req
522. Ohhh...
Copy !req
523. Scusi.
Copy !req
524. Mi scusi.
Copy !req
525. Hi.
Copy !req
526. Buongiorno.
Copy !req
527. - What the hell are you doing?
- Mi scusi, mi scusi.
Copy !req
528. No! No, no, no!
Copy !req
529. - Uh-oh.
- What?
Copy !req
530. Big tunnel.
Copy !req
531. who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?
Copy !req
532. Who's touching me?
Scotty!
Copy !req
533. oh!
Copy !req
534. Scusi.
Copy !req
535. Buongiorno.
Copy !req
536. crans sur mer.
We change trains here.
Copy !req
537. Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.
Copy !req
538. What's there to see
in this town?
Copy !req
539. Hello? The monument
des poissoni res.
Copy !req
540. It's a monument to all
the local fishermen
who were lost at sea.
Copy !req
541. Frommer's says it's supposed
to be... "quite moving."
Copy !req
542. What the hell is wrong
with you, c-3po?
Copy !req
543. We're here to see europe,
not some crappy statue.
Copy !req
544. I'm taking a nap.
Copy !req
545. Wake me up when
the train gets here.
Copy !req
546. Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.
Copy !req
547. All right, we can't all
just lie around all day.
Copy !req
548. We gotta get out there
and experience the culture
firsthand.
Copy !req
549. Let's go exploring!
Copy !req
550. So, what's the etiquette
on boners?
Copy !req
551. Do I roll over and dig out
a hole for it,
Copy !req
552. Or is it cool to just
let my flag fly?
Copy !req
553. Wait, wait.
Copy !req
554. Does "nude beach" mean
we have to get naked, too?
Copy !req
555. Of course.
Copy !req
556. Do you think you
can go an hour
Copy !req
557. Without your currency
colostomy bag?
Copy !req
558. As long as this thing has
our money and passports in it,
Copy !req
559. It's not coming off, and my
trunks won't come off, either.
Copy !req
560. Come on.
Copy !req
561. You came all the way
to europe.
Copy !req
562. Can't wimp out now.
Copy !req
563. Ok.
Copy !req
564. All right,
on the count of three.
Copy !req
565. Here we go.
Copy !req
566. 3, 2, 1...
Copy !req
567. look at jamie's penis!
Copy !req
568. Very funny.
Very funny.
Copy !req
569. All right.
Copy !req
570. Let the crazy european
sex odyssey begin.
Copy !req
571. - Here we go.
- Really?
Copy !req
572. - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
573. - hello, ladies!
Copy !req
574. - Ladies?
- Bitches?
Copy !req
575. eww! What a rip!
There's no nude girls here,
Copy !req
576. Just guys like us
looking for nude girls.
Copy !req
577. I don't understand.
Copy !req
578. "crans sur mer has one
of the best nude beaches
on the continent.
Copy !req
579. "however...
Copy !req
580. "during the summer,
the european women
Copy !req
581. "are chased away
by gawking male tourists,
Copy !req
582. "so europe's most
nubile exhibitionists
Copy !req
583. "head to the deserted beach
Copy !req
584. "next to the monument
des poissoni res."
Copy !req
585. There's so many penises.
Copy !req
586. Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.
Copy !req
587. This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.
Copy !req
588. It's the international
house of sausage.
Copy !req
589. hey!
Copy !req
590. - Thanks for waiting.
- You're not missing anything.
Copy !req
591. It's all guys.
Copy !req
592. At least the sun's out.
Copy !req
593. Holy crap!
Copy !req
594. What? I thought this
was a nude beach.
Copy !req
595. No!
Copy !req
596. - huh?
- no, no...
Copy !req
597. - What? What are you doing?
- Jenny, you gotta cover up.
Copy !req
598. girl?
Copy !req
599. Girl!
Copy !req
600. ooh, girl.
Girl... Girl.
Copy !req
601. Girl... Girl...
Copy !req
602. Run!
Copy !req
603. - I'm not gonna make it.
Copy !req
604. - Go on without me.
- All right. See ya.
Copy !req
605. Chica! Chica!
Copy !req
606. Chica! Chica!
Copy !req
607. Are you reading mieke's
old emails again?
Copy !req
608. Yeah.
Copy !req
609. I have no idea what I'm going to
say to that girl when I see her.
Copy !req
610. You know, she said
I might be the one?
Copy !req
611. That's huge.
Copy !req
612. I've never been
"the one" before.
Copy !req
613. Thought I was "the one"
with fiona, but turns out
I was, what, 101?
Copy !req
614. - 200.
- 200!
Copy !req
615. Look, you got nothing
to worry about.
Copy !req
616. You'll show up and sweep her
off her german feet.
Copy !req
617. Thanks.
Copy !req
618. Yeah.
Copy !req
619. I will, won't I?
Copy !req
620. I'm so sad and lonely.
Copy !req
621. I just wish someone
would show up
Copy !req
622. And sweep me off
my german feet.
Copy !req
623. Mieke! I'm here.
Copy !req
624. Scotty!
Copy !req
625. About that last email.
I'm so sorry...
Copy !req
626. The past is the past.
You're here now.
Copy !req
627. I've been saving myself for you.
Copy !req
628. Let us make love
for one whole month.
Copy !req
629. Touch me, scotty.
Copy !req
630. Ok.
Copy !req
631. Oh, scott...
Copy !req
632. - Mi bello.
Copy !req
633. Mi bello.
Copy !req
634. mi bello.
Copy !req
635. Mi bello.
Copy !req
636. Mi bello.
Copy !req
637. Mi scusi.
Copy !req
638. Mi scusi!
Copy !req
639. guys, our train
doesn't leave till morning.
Copy !req
640. Where will we sleep tonight?
Copy !req
641. what do you
mean, sleep?
Copy !req
642. We can sleep
on the train tomorrow.
Copy !req
643. This is the best thing
that could've happened.
We're in amsterdam!
Copy !req
644. This is the drug and
sex capital of europe!
Copy !req
645. Take a look at this.
Copy !req
646. "club vandersexxx."
Copy !req
647. "the red light district's
hottest sex club."
Copy !req
648. We have to check it out.
Who's with me?
Copy !req
649. I'll go.
Copy !req
650. Fine. Since no one else
is willing to go,
Copy !req
651. I'll just go myself.
Copy !req
652. This is definitely where
I parked my car.
Copy !req
653. hello there.
Copy !req
654. Welcome to club vandersexxx...
Copy !req
655. Amsterdam's most erotic club,
Copy !req
656. Where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.
Copy !req
657. Also says I get a free
t-shirt with flyer.
Copy !req
658. He's american.
Copy !req
659. How sad for you to grow up
in a country founded by prudes.
Copy !req
660. A country overrun
with crime and illiteracy.
Copy !req
661. A country where a man
is forced to make sex
Copy !req
662. To only one woman
at a time,
Copy !req
663. And one must learn
the woman's name beforehand.
Copy !req
664. - It was horrible.
- I know.
Copy !req
665. But you can come with me...
Copy !req
666. And let the vandersexxx begin.
Copy !req
667. I can't believe
we're doing this.
Copy !req
668. don't worry.
Hash brownies are
totally legal here.
Copy !req
669. You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.
Copy !req
670. - You wanna do this?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
671. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
672. I need a new battery
for my camera...
Copy !req
673. And while you're at it,
it could use a cleaning.
Copy !req
674. Wow.
Copy !req
675. Is that a leica m6?
Copy !req
676. Actually, it's an m7.
Copy !req
677. It's got the built-in
light meter.
Copy !req
678. It's so beautiful.
Copy !req
679. So sleek, so powerful.
Copy !req
680. How's the new lens system?
Copy !req
681. makes the nikon
look like a disposable.
Copy !req
682. You really know your cameras.
Copy !req
683. And you're very cute.
Copy !req
684. Me? Really?
Copy !req
685. I'm going on break.
Copy !req
686. I was going to step out back
and have a cigarette.
Copy !req
687. Would you like to join me?
Copy !req
688. I don't smoke.
Copy !req
689. Neither do I.
Copy !req
690. Hold on, hold on.
Copy !req
691. What is it?
Copy !req
692. This is great!
Copy !req
693. You're so innocent.
Copy !req
694. Let's change that...
Shall we?
Copy !req
695. What would you
like me to do?
Copy !req
696. Well...
I don't really know...
Copy !req
697. I guess I really
haven't done that much.
Copy !req
698. I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars,
Copy !req
699. And model u.N.,
advanced placement classes,
after-school tutor...
Copy !req
700. - ... Ing! Ah!
Copy !req
701. Gosh, you really
like cameras!
Copy !req
702. Sometimes, we find our
clients are so overwhelmed
with the pleasure,
Copy !req
703. That they sometimes
scream out, "no,"
Copy !req
704. When really
they mean "yes."
Copy !req
705. And this is why
we have the safe word.
Copy !req
706. The "safe word"?
Copy !req
707. If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great,
Copy !req
708. You just use the safe word.
Copy !req
709. Until we hear the safe word,
we will not stop.
Copy !req
710. Yeah, right. Stop.
All right.
Copy !req
711. we're going
to start slowly,
Copy !req
712. Teasing you with a little
light erotic foreplay.
Copy !req
713. whee!
Copy !req
714. Oh, yes, ladies!
Copy !req
715. on, on,
vandersexxx!
Copy !req
716. Hans! Gruber!
Copy !req
717. Hi.
Copy !req
718. So, are the girls
coming back?
Copy !req
719. Administer the testicle clamps!
Copy !req
720. - Huh? What? Hey!
Copy !req
721. Safe word!
Copy !req
722. What is that?
That's not a word, it's a...
Copy !req
723. "fluggen-kliggin-kien?"
Copy !req
724. Fluggen!
Copy !req
725. - Ok, mister, don't move.
- Excuse me?
Copy !req
726. shut the hell up!
Copy !req
727. Oh, brother!
Please don't hurt me.
Copy !req
728. Oh, no... You're fine.
That's good. You're fine.
Copy !req
729. Give me cash?
You got cash?
Copy !req
730. Take it all,
you dirty girl.
Copy !req
731. What?
Copy !req
732. Your wallet!
Focus!
Copy !req
733. - Give it to me.
- oh!
Copy !req
734. Oh, I love you!
Copy !req
735. I love you!
Copy !req
736. I love you!
I looove you!
Copy !req
737. What's so funny?
Copy !req
738. I'm really hungry.
I think I've got the munchies.
Copy !req
739. - Excuse me.
- Huh?
Copy !req
740. It's hot in here. You hot?
'cause I'm really hot.
Copy !req
741. - So good.
- Ok, I can't breathe! God!
Copy !req
742. I'm freaking out!
Copy !req
743. I think we got a bad batch
'cause I'm freaking out.
Copy !req
744. I can't...
I can't do this.
Copy !req
745. I saw a gay porno once.
I didn't know until halfway in.
Copy !req
746. The girls never came.
The girls never came!
Copy !req
747. I am freaking out!
Copy !req
748. - Everything all right with you?
- No, nothing's all right.
Copy !req
749. You sold us a bad batch
of hash brownies.
Copy !req
750. You're a bad rastafarian.
Copy !req
751. These are not hash brownies.
Copy !req
752. Hmm?
Copy !req
753. - What was that?
- We do not sell hash brownies.
Copy !req
754. We're a simple dutch bakery!
Copy !req
755. Now put your clothes
back on, white boy!
Copy !req
756. ow! Ow! Ow!
Copy !req
757. "fluggengegeholen!"
Copy !req
758. Did you say fluggegecheimen?
Copy !req
759. Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
760. For the love of god,
fluggengecheimen!
Copy !req
761. Are you sure?
Copy !req
762. Yes, please.
Copy !req
763. As you wish.
Copy !req
764. bring on
the fluggegecheimen!
Copy !req
765. Wait... What?
Copy !req
766. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
767. no, no, no!
I didn't say fluggegecheimen,
Copy !req
768. I said, uh...
Copy !req
769. What'd you do last night?
Copy !req
770. I don't want to
talk about it.
Copy !req
771. What did you guys do?
Copy !req
772. don't want
to talk about it.
Copy !req
773. - What is that?
- Free t-shirt.
Copy !req
774. Hey, guys.
Copy !req
775. What happened to you?
Copy !req
776. I got robbed.
Copy !req
777. It was awesome!
Copy !req
778. all our money,
our passports, our tickets...
Copy !req
779. Everything, gone!
Copy !req
780. How the hell
could this happen?
Copy !req
781. We all go to amsterdam, and
jamie's the one who hooks up!
Copy !req
782. For shame!
Copy !req
783. Oh, that's me.
Copy !req
784. Coop here. Sorry.
Copy !req
785. Hello, mr. Walters.
Copy !req
786. You never got
the gutterman file?
Copy !req
787. I told humphrey
to give it to you.
Copy !req
788. That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.
Copy !req
789. Yes, sir, I will tell
humphrey to report to
your office immediately.
Copy !req
790. Bye.
Copy !req
791. - This job's killing me.
Copy !req
792. - Uh...
- Let me handle this.
Copy !req
793. I speak bad german.
Copy !req
794. - What did he say?
- He said he's driving.
Copy !req
795. - Oh.
- Something.
Copy !req
796. Jah.
Copy !req
797. Berlin?
Copy !req
798. - Berlin?
- Berlin!
Copy !req
799. - He's going to berlin!
- Awesome!
Copy !req
800. - All right! Berlin!
- Come on, let's go!
Copy !req
801. Next stop, berlin!
Copy !req
802. Beautiful!
We made it to berlin.
Copy !req
803. Jah. Berlin!
Copy !req
804. - Bratislava?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
805. Bratislava!
Copy !req
806. dear sweet
mother of god.
Copy !req
807. We're in eastern europe.
Copy !req
808. eww!
Copy !req
809. Excuse me.
Copy !req
810. Do you speak any english?
Copy !req
811. You are americans?
Copy !req
812. Yeah.
Copy !req
813. I love america.
Copy !req
814. We just get "miami vice"
on television.
Copy !req
815. "miami vice" is number one
new show.
Copy !req
816. Yeah.
Copy !req
817. Listen, we're trying
to get to berlin, germany.
Copy !req
818. Do you know if there's
a train coming anytime soon?
Copy !req
819. Oh, yes, very soon.
They are building it now.
Copy !req
820. Stop! Hammer time!
Copy !req
821. enjoy bratislava!
Copy !req
822. It's good you came in summer.
Copy !req
823. In winter, it can get
very depressing.
Copy !req
824. we gotta
figure something out.
How much money do we have?
Copy !req
825. Frommer's travel tip.
Copy !req
826. I don't have anything.
Copy !req
827. What? I got noth...
Fine.
Copy !req
828. $1.83 american.
Copy !req
829. What are we gonna
get with that?
Copy !req
830. Gotta love that exchange rate!
Copy !req
831. Ta.
Copy !req
832. hapi djus.
Copy !req
833. teraz bez drenei.
Copy !req
834. Hmm. Now with less pulp.
Copy !req
835. dinner is served.
Copy !req
836. Would the masters care
for anything else?
Copy !req
837. Think we're good.
Thanks.
Copy !req
838. Ah! A nickel!
Copy !req
839. You see this?
Copy !req
840. - I quit!
Copy !req
841. I open my own hotel!
Copy !req
842. so, we got
27 cents left.
Copy !req
843. What is there to do
in this town?
Copy !req
844. This song
sounds familiar.
Copy !req
845. Jenny, lemme check
your coat.
Copy !req
846. - Hey!
- Jenny!
Copy !req
847. That outfit is horrible!
Just take it off... Now!
Copy !req
848. No, but I will let you
buy me a drink.
Copy !req
849. excuse me!
Copy !req
850. You are the woman from the paris
train station, aren't you?
Copy !req
851. - My name is...
- Christoph.
Copy !req
852. yes.
Copy !req
853. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
854. This is my place.
Copy !req
855. My family owns many nightclubs
throughout europe.
Copy !req
856. I'd be honored if you'd
join me in my v.I.P. Room
for a drink.
Copy !req
857. Mmm-kay.
Copy !req
858. Bye, cooper.
Copy !req
859. - What's that?
- It's absinthe.
Copy !req
860. Frommer's says it's
illegal in the states
Copy !req
861. Because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.
Copy !req
862. They call it
"the green fairy."
Copy !req
863. My family has a yacht
in the aegean.
Copy !req
864. Come with me, Jennifer.
We will sail away together.
Copy !req
865. Oh, my god!
Copy !req
866. We will swim with dolphins,
and sip champagne by moonlight.
Copy !req
867. Oh, my god!
Copy !req
868. We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.
Copy !req
869. My wife makes
the best sangria.
Copy !req
870. Wait... What?
Copy !req
871. Sangria.
Copy !req
872. You take a good
spanish rioja,
Copy !req
873. And you put in slices
of orange, and...
Copy !req
874. No, wait.
You said you were married?
Copy !req
875. You just go around
europe, sleeping with
every woman you meet?
Copy !req
876. No, please, Jennifer.
It is not like that.
Copy !req
877. I also sleep with men.
Copy !req
878. I gotta say,
I'm not feeling anything.
Copy !req
879. Me neither.
Copy !req
880. Sober as a judge.
Copy !req
881. How 'bout you?
Copy !req
882. I'm not feeling
a goddamn thing.
Copy !req
883. This absinthe is bullshit!
Copy !req
884. I hear you, my brother.
Copy !req
885. I'm outta here.
Copy !req
886. Excuse me.
Copy !req
887. - Hey, so where's christoph?
- Shut up.
Copy !req
888. - europe!
- europe!
Copy !req
889. - whoo!
- europe!
Copy !req
890. So, tomorrow, berlin.
Copy !req
891. Tomorrow, mieke!
Copy !req
892. Check it out.
Copy !req
893. no way!
Copy !req
894. Jamie's hooking up
with another girl?
Goddamn it!
Copy !req
895. It's just so unfair.
I've been all over,
Copy !req
896. Looking for crazy european sex,
and he's the one who ends up...
Copy !req
897. - oh, my god!
Copy !req
898. That is some pretty
fucked-up shit.
Copy !req
899. Can you say, "what the fuck
did I do last night?"
Copy !req
900. They really are
the worst twins ever.
Copy !req
901. That was a pretty
wild night, eh?
Copy !req
902. Yep. Pretty wild,
pretty wild.
Copy !req
903. I know I was out of control.
Copy !req
904. How about you guys?
Did you...?
Copy !req
905. All right, look.
We were really drunk,
Copy !req
906. Things got a little crazy,
and jamie...
Copy !req
907. Kissed me.
Copy !req
908. Let's just forget
about it, kay?
Copy !req
909. - Consider it forgotten.
- Never happened.
Copy !req
910. Never happened.
Copy !req
911. Fine. Let's just
forget about it.
Copy !req
912. It's not like
you two had sex.
Copy !req
913. Have you had sex?
Copy !req
914. - Shut up, cooper!
- Jamie, relax.
Copy !req
915. Cooper. Please?
Copy !req
916. Ok, fine.
I'll give it a rest.
Copy !req
917. Jamie, could I borrow
your frommer's?
Copy !req
918. Oh, here it is.
Bratislava.
Copy !req
919. Hmm. Capital of slovakia.
Copy !req
920. Oh, here's a fun fact.
Copy !req
921. You made out with
your sister, man!
Copy !req
922. - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
- Like two dogs in heat.
Copy !req
923. My friends, where is the beef?
Copy !req
924. You go to berlin?
I'm your ride.
Copy !req
925. Hop in.
Copy !req
926. this is mieke's
apartment building.
Copy !req
927. Wish me all sorts
of luck, guys.
Copy !req
928. You'll do great,
scotty.
Copy !req
929. Thanks.
Copy !req
930. I came all this way.
I'm not gonna miss this.
Copy !req
931. - Dude, mieke's hideous! Run!
- Stop.
Copy !req
932. Hi, my name
is scott thomas.
Copy !req
933. I'm from america,
and I'm here to see mieke.
Copy !req
934. I'm sorry, but
mieke's not here.
Copy !req
935. Do you know where she is?
Copy !req
936. She's gone for the summer.
Copy !req
937. My daughter had intended to
spend the summer in america,
Copy !req
938. Looking at colleges
and visiting some friends.
Copy !req
939. But several days ago,
she suddenly changed her mind.
Copy !req
940. She would not tell me why.
Copy !req
941. I think I know why.
Copy !req
942. This is heinrich.
He's mieke's stepbrother.
Copy !req
943. As I was saying, she packed
up her bag and left.
Copy !req
944. - It was all very sudden.
- Do you know where she is now?
Copy !req
945. as you know,
she's always been very
interested in the classics,
Copy !req
946. Greek and roman literature
and history,
Copy !req
947. And she's always
enjoyed the ocean,
Copy !req
948. So she found a program that
combines all her interests.
Copy !req
949. Do you know where she is?
Copy !req
950. She enrolled in a summer at sea
program, based in rome.
Copy !req
951. Rome.
Copy !req
952. Ok, then I guess
we'll go to rome, then.
Copy !req
953. Unfortunately, mieke's only
in rome for orientation.
Copy !req
954. Tomorrow her group boards
a boat and she'll be
gone for the summer.
Copy !req
955. She'll be quite unreachable.
Copy !req
956. Unreachable.
Copy !req
957. Mieke's tour group goes
to the vatican tomorrow,
Copy !req
958. Then she gets on that boat
and she's gone.
Copy !req
959. So, it's over?
Copy !req
960. Thanks for sticking with me
through this, guys, but...
Copy !req
961. You should probably call
your parents,
Copy !req
962. Have them wire you
some money and go home.
Copy !req
963. What are you gonna do?
Copy !req
964. I'm going to rome.
I'll walk, I'll hitchhike,
Copy !req
965. I'll swim if I have to,
but I'll get to mieke somehow.
Copy !req
966. Maybe that'll help.
Copy !req
967. Where'd you get
all that?
Copy !req
968. Wait. Where's your leica?
Copy !req
969. Sold it.
Copy !req
970. What?
Copy !req
971. You sold your leica?
But you loved that thing.
Copy !req
972. What about your
photo tour of europe?
What about the chateaus?
Copy !req
973. Chateaus have been there
for 300 years.
Copy !req
974. Mieke's gone in 12 hours.
Copy !req
975. Let's go!
Frommer's says to check in
Copy !req
976. Three hours before
any international flight.
Copy !req
977. Come here, guidebook!
Copy !req
978. Whoo! We're going to rome.
We're going to rome!
Copy !req
979. All right,
summer at sea group.
Copy !req
980. Our tour begins
in the vatican museum.
Copy !req
981. This way, please.
Copy !req
982. There it is.
Copy !req
983. This entrance is for
private tour groups only.
Copy !req
984. Oh... But we are
a private tour group.
Copy !req
985. We've come all the way
from america.
Copy !req
986. That guy in the orange jacket
is mentally retarded.
Copy !req
987. Si, I can tell.
How very, very sad.
Copy !req
988. Yes, it is.
Copy !req
989. But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?
Copy !req
990. We've got a fantastic
tour guide.
Copy !req
991. - Right here.
- What? No...
Copy !req
992. The vatican has been used
as a papal residence
Copy !req
993. Ever since the time of
constantine the great
Copy !req
994. Of the 5th century a.D.!
Copy !req
995. - oh.
Copy !req
996. Ok... Um... If you'll
all follow me, please.
Copy !req
997. have a very special day
Copy !req
998. For a very special
little man.
Copy !req
999. Ok.
Copy !req
1000. I can't believe
that guy let us in.
Copy !req
1001. What a retard!
Copy !req
1002. - Let's find mieke.
- Scusate.
Copy !req
1003. One of our english-speaking
tour guides has called in sick.
Copy !req
1004. Could you please take
these peoples also?
Copy !req
1005. - How big is vatican city?
- .5 square kilometers.
Copy !req
1006. - Who built the colonnades?
- Gianlorenzo bernini, 1656.
Copy !req
1007. - Where are the bathrooms?
- Floors 2, 6 and 7.
Copy !req
1008. Next I'll take you to where
the college of cardinals
elects a new pope.
Copy !req
1009. When this happens, white smoke
is sent up from the vatican.
Here's a fun fact...
Copy !req
1010. Mieke's gotta be
around here somewhere.
Copy !req
1011. Let's go.
Copy !req
1012. Behind me is the
appartamento papale,
Copy !req
1013. Or "papal apartment."
we're obviously not permitted.
Copy !req
1014. Excuse me, miss.
What is this?
Copy !req
1015. That is the bell of san marco.
Copy !req
1016. When the pope dies,
the cardinal vicar of rome
Copy !req
1017. Rings this bell to notify
the people of rome.
Copy !req
1018. Next we will view
the sistine chapel.
Follow me, please.
Copy !req
1019. Come on.
I think I hear them.
Copy !req
1020. Which way did they go?
Copy !req
1021. That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.
Copy !req
1022. Good enough for me.
Copy !req
1023. Hey, check it out!
I wonder what this does.
Copy !req
1024. It doesn't do anything,
it's a rope. Come on, let's go.
Copy !req
1025. they got a lot
of old stuff here.
Copy !req
1026. Dio mio!
Copy !req
1027. The bell of san marco!
Copy !req
1028. The pope is dead!
Copy !req
1029. Whoa.
Copy !req
1030. She's not in here.
Copy !req
1031. Let's go.
We're definitely not
supposed to be in here.
Copy !req
1032. Hey, check this out!
Copy !req
1033. - I'm the pope!
- Cooper...
Copy !req
1034. Take off the pope hat.
Copy !req
1035. - Oh, no. It's ok. I'm catholic.
- Take it off, goddamnit!
Copy !req
1036. Oh, you took the
lord's name in vain!
Copy !req
1037. Only I can forgive
you now, my son.
Copy !req
1038. Take that fudging thing off!
Copy !req
1039. The pope breaks
an open-field tackle.
Copy !req
1040. It's a hail mary,
he catches at the 40...
Copy !req
1041. The 30, the 20, the 10...
Copy !req
1042. Touchdown, pope!
Copy !req
1043. The pope makes
a two-point conversion.
Copy !req
1044. And oh, my lord!
It's the pope, eight,
Copy !req
1045. And the heathens, nothing!
Copy !req
1046. How's you, sucka?
Copy !req
1047. Cooper, the hat!
The hat!
Copy !req
1048. The hat is on fire!
Copy !req
1049. I'm not kidding! Look!
Copy !req
1050. Oh, holy shit!
Copy !req
1051. I don't want this!
Copy !req
1052. Fireplace! Fireplace!
Go, go!
Copy !req
1053. whoa!
Copy !req
1054. white smoke!
Copy !req
1055. They've elected the new pope!
Copy !req
1056. I'm coming to you live
from vatican square
Copy !req
1057. Where the college of cardinals,
in a surprise move,
Copy !req
1058. Has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very excited.
Copy !req
1059. This is so strange.
Copy !req
1060. Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.
Copy !req
1061. We could be seeing
history in the making!
Copy !req
1062. We could be seeing an arrest
in the making.
Copy !req
1063. There she is.
Mieke!
Copy !req
1064. Hey! Stupid curtain!
Copy !req
1065. Let me out!
Copy !req
1066. Mieke!
Copy !req
1067. It's the new pope!
Copy !req
1068. What the hell...?
Copy !req
1069. Mieke!
Copy !req
1070. hold on!
Copy !req
1071. This is one crazy pope.
Copy !req
1072. you!
Copy !req
1073. Ferma! Stop! You!
Copy !req
1074. You... And your
retarded friend,
Copy !req
1075. You're in big, big trouble.
Copy !req
1076. oy!
Copy !req
1077. Take your mitts
off them boys!
Copy !req
1078. They're with me!
Copy !req
1079. I've just about had enough
of you fuckin' ities!
Copy !req
1080. But I am swiss!
Copy !req
1081. Them, too!
Copy !req
1082. Now, bud...
Copy !req
1083. You get in there, and you
say what you got to say.
Copy !req
1084. Mieke. I'm here.
Copy !req
1085. I made it.
Copy !req
1086. Who are you?
Copy !req
1087. What a fucking loser!
I'm gonna videotape this.
Copy !req
1088. I'm scott.
Copy !req
1089. From ohio?
Copy !req
1090. Scott?
Scott thomas?
Copy !req
1091. - Yes.
- From ohio?
Copy !req
1092. - What are you doing in rome?
- I came here to be with you.
Copy !req
1093. Listen, I just traveled
all the way across europe.
Copy !req
1094. I got chased by naked men.
Copy !req
1095. I ate brownies with absolutely
no drugs in them.
Copy !req
1096. I watched a brother
and sister make out.
Copy !req
1097. I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...
Copy !req
1098. So I could tell you
one thing.
Copy !req
1099. I love you, mieke.
Copy !req
1100. aww...
Copy !req
1101. We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?
Copy !req
1102. I think...
Copy !req
1103. Oh, mike...
Mieke!
Copy !req
1104. forgive me, father,
for I have sinned.
Copy !req
1105. I have cheated on my husband.
Copy !req
1106. Do you think god
will ever forgive me?
Copy !req
1107. oh, yes!
Copy !req
1108. - father?
Copy !req
1109. This sucks.
Copy !req
1110. I can't believe I'm
the only one who didn't
hook up while we were here.
Copy !req
1111. Europe is officially
the worst country on earth.
Copy !req
1112. I know.
Copy !req
1113. I thought I'd at least get to
have some crazy european sex.
Copy !req
1114. What?
Copy !req
1115. - Scott, I have to go.
- Ok.
Copy !req
1116. My boat is leaving.
Copy !req
1117. I still can't believe
you came all the way here,
Copy !req
1118. Just for me.
Copy !req
1119. What can I say?
I'm very unpredictable.
Copy !req
1120. Keep writing to me,
scott, ok?
Copy !req
1121. Yeah, I will.
Copy !req
1122. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
1123. whoo-hoo!
Copy !req
1124. Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.
Copy !req
1125. This was the best time
of my life.
Copy !req
1126. excuse me.
Copy !req
1127. You're the young man who
gave me that tour of
the vatican, aren't you?
Copy !req
1128. - Listen, I'm very sorry...
- I just wanted to thank you.
Copy !req
1129. You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic,
Copy !req
1130. Tour guide I've ever had.
Copy !req
1131. Thanks.
Copy !req
1132. But I'm not actually
a tour guide.
Copy !req
1133. I've just read frommer's
enough to have it memorized.
Copy !req
1134. Although I threw in a few things
frommer's didn't know about.
Copy !req
1135. How would you like to add them?
Copy !req
1136. Excuse me?
Copy !req
1137. That's my guidebook.
Copy !req
1138. I'm arthur frommer.
Copy !req
1139. It's amazing!
Copy !req
1140. Frommer's is going to
pay me to see every museum
and cathedral in europe.
Copy !req
1141. - that sounds so exciting...
Copy !req
1142. For you.
Copy !req
1143. I figured, since you're
going to be staying,
Copy !req
1144. You might need this.
Copy !req
1145. - A disposable camera.
- That's right.
Copy !req
1146. Thanks, scotty.
Copy !req
1147. That's from both of us.
Copy !req
1148. Hello, mr. Walters.
Copy !req
1149. I see.
Copy !req
1150. Fired? Well, I...
Copy !req
1151. Well, if that's what you want,
I understand. I just...
Copy !req
1152. Goodbye, sir.
Copy !req
1153. They had to catch you
eventually, right?
Copy !req
1154. - No, they fired humphrey.
- Shut up!
Copy !req
1155. I got his office and a raise.
Copy !req
1156. - No!
Copy !req
1157. flight 341
from rome to cleveland...
Copy !req
1158. That's you guys.
Copy !req
1159. - Have a good flight, everybody.
- Come here.
Copy !req
1160. Be good.
Copy !req
1161. - Oh! Ok...
Copy !req
1162. - Cooper, have a good flight.
- be good.
Copy !req
1163. Thanks.
Copy !req
1164. I'm on it.
Copy !req
1165. this still
counts as europe, right?
Copy !req
1166. "dear mieke,
Copy !req
1167. "greece sounds incredible.
Copy !req
1168. "I just moved into
my dorm room today,
Copy !req
1169. "but I can't wait to see you
over christmas break.
Copy !req
1170. "this time I think I'll fly
to berlin direct."
Copy !req
1171. - Hello?
- Hey buddy, how's college?
Copy !req
1172. I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.
Copy !req
1173. Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?
Copy !req
1174. I'm not sure
I'm going pre-med.
Copy !req
1175. I'm thinking about
majoring in german.
Copy !req
1176. German?
I've got a better idea.
Copy !req
1177. Why don't you major in
not being such a woman?
Copy !req
1178. So, how's jenny?
Copy !req
1179. Jenny...
Jenny who?
Copy !req
1180. I know a lot of ladies
named jenny, they're all...
Copy !req
1181. Ow!
Copy !req
1182. Hey, scotty,
what's up?
Copy !req
1183. Hi, jenny!
Copy !req
1184. How's jamie doing
with frommer?
Copy !req
1185. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1186. Hold on.
Copy !req
1187. Come here, robot!
Copy !req
1188. Cooper, not again!
Copy !req
1189. Hold on, this could be
my new roommate.
Copy !req
1190. what's the freak
look like?
Copy !req
1191. Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.
Copy !req
1192. is he bigger than me?
Copy !req
1193. I just got your last email.
What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1194. Going to college.
Copy !req
1195. You're going to college here?
Copy !req
1196. - What dorm?
- This one.
Copy !req
1197. Room 214.
Copy !req
1198. How is this possible?
Copy !req
1199. I guess they thought
I was a guy.
Copy !req
1200. Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?
Copy !req
1201. do I hear kissing?
Copy !req
1202. Are you making out with
your new roommate, scotty?
Copy !req
1203. scotty?
Copy !req
1204. Scotty? Scotty!
Copy !req
1205. This happy ending
is bullshit.
Copy !req
1206. When does the fairy get laid?
I'm outta here.
Copy !req
1207. - Catchy tune.
- Fuckin'-a, man.
Copy !req
1208. scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Copy !req
1209. Scotty doesn't know!
Copy !req
1210. Hello, and welcome to
Copy !req
1211. Amsterdam's finest and most
luxurious youth hostel.
Copy !req
1212. Sounds great.
Copy !req
1213. There is no bathroom,
nor is there one nearby.
Copy !req
1214. sorry.
Copy !req
1215. - Get it?
- She got it.
Copy !req
1216. If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen,
Copy !req
1217. I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.
Copy !req
1218. You can also try
hiding your valuables...
Copy !req
1219. In your anus.
Copy !req
1220. Drink?
Copy !req
1221. I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, ok?
Copy !req
1222. - ready? Quit. Shut up.
Copy !req
1223. Sorry. I know I fucked it up.
Copy !req
1224. Yes! You take her hair...
Copy !req
1225. And one strand at a time,
pull it out!
Copy !req
1226. Use her like a humping post!
Copy !req
1227. Jenny, this is europe.
Copy !req
1228. They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.
Copy !req
1229. "hapi djus."
Copy !req
1230. Show them something
they haven't seen.
Copy !req
1231. Should a fire occur,
due to our faulty wiring,
Copy !req
1232. Or the fireworks
factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated,
Copy !req
1233. Along with the valuables
you have hidden in your anus.
Copy !req
1234. Fuck off!
Get out of it, you wankers!
Copy !req
1235. Go on, you gaelic fucking
garlic-breath tossers!
Copy !req
1236. Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!
Copy !req
1237. Come on! Fucking come
and have it!
Copy !req
1238. You fucking beep?
Copy !req
1239. We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!
Copy !req
1240. Fuck off!
Copy !req
1241. Go on, you french bastards!
Copy !req
1242. Get on the other side
of the road, you pricks!
Copy !req
1243. Go on out of it!
Copy !req
1244. Fuck off!
Copy !req
1245. I'm nackered.
Copy !req
1246. - league supporters.
Copy !req
1247. - no, wait...
Copy !req
1248. Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old.
Copy !req
1249. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Copy !req
1250. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Copy !req
1251. - scotty doesn't know!
Copy !req
1252. scotty's gotta go!
Copy !req
1253. Is it off yet?
Copy !req
1254. No, keep rubbing it.
Copy !req