1. Congratulations,
Hudson High class of 2004.Copy !req
2. There she is. Fiona!Copy !req
3. Bye.Copy !req
4. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
5. - Ha, ha.
- Hey, you.Copy !req
6. Mm.Copy !req
7. - Congratulations, graduate.
- Thanks, baby.Copy !req
8. And congratulations to you, Cooper.Copy !req
9. Aw. Thanks, baby.Copy !req
10. Nice try.Copy !req
11. All right. See you at Wade's party tonight?Copy !req
12. - See you then.
- All right.Copy !req
13. So it's just you and me
for the entire summer.Copy !req
14. Next year you graduate,
join me at college.Copy !req
15. See? Just like we planned.Copy !req
16. - Scott, we need to talk.
- Yeah? About what?Copy !req
17. About me dumping you.Copy !req
18. Huh?Copy !req
19. There he is. The graduate
and his beautiful girlfriend. Huh? Okay?Copy !req
20. Smile, you two.Copy !req
21. - Action.
- Dad, Morn, Grandma...Copy !req
22. Uncle Moke, uh...Copy !req
23. I'm gonna need a minute here, okay?Copy !req
24. What do you mean, you're dumping me?Copy !req
25. Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating
on each other anymore.Copy !req
26. What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.Copy !req
27. I know. That's what makes this so hard.Copy !req
28. You're looking good, you guys.Copy !req
29. Scotty, it's not you.Copy !req
30. It's me.Copy !req
31. There I go, lying again. No, it was you.Copy !req
32. You're just so...Copy !req
33. predictable.
Smile!Copy !req
34. So that's it.Copy !req
35. Here's your letter jacket back. Goodbye.Copy !req
36. This isn't mine.Copy !req
37. She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow.Copy !req
38. Oh, my God.Copy !req
39. Fiona!Copy !req
40. Let's see that again.Copy !req
41. Fiona!Copy !req
42. - This is just so brutal.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
43. And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.Copy !req
44. - Fiona!
- Bert, get out of here.Copy !req
45. Ha, ha. Okay. See you, Coop.Copy !req
46. All right. Stay black, Bert.Copy !req
47. Ha, ha. "Fiona!"Copy !req
48. Mail, motherfucker!Copy !req
49. Hey, I got one from Mieke.Copy !req
50. “Happy herzlichen."Copy !req
51. You still writing that guy?
I thought that was just for German class.Copy !req
52. Uh, yeah, it was at first,
but we're actually becoming good friends.Copy !req
53. He's a really cool guy.Copy !req
54. "Dear Mieke,
greetings from your American pen pal."Copy !req
55. Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals.Copy !req
56. Listen to yourself, all right?Copy !req
57. You met a "cool guy" on the "internet."Copy !req
58. This is how these sexual predators work.
Next thing you know...Copy !req
59. he's gonna want to "arrange a meeting"...Copy !req
60. uh, where he will gas you,
stuff you in the back of his van...Copy !req
61. and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.Copy !req
62. - Ha, ha.
- Come on, let's go to Wade's.Copy !req
63. All right. Screw it. Let's go.Copy !req
64. I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.Copy !req
65. Auf wiedersehen, Mieke.Copy !req
66. - Heh. What's up, losers?
- What's up, Jenny?Copy !req
67. What's up, dude?Copy !req
68. - Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore.
- That's very sweet of you. Thanks.Copy !req
69. Enough Fiona talk. Look around.
There's gotta be 100 drunk girls.Copy !req
70. We should try to have sex
with every one of them.Copy !req
71. Hello? Mixed company?Copy !req
72. What?Copy !req
73. - I'm a girl.
- No, you're not.Copy !req
74. - You're just a cool guy with long hair.
- So where's your evil twin brother at?Copy !req
75. Jenny!Copy !req
76. Oh. There he is.Copy !req
77. Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see.Copy !req
78. Mm. Why'd you get me gin and tonic?Copy !req
79. - I hate gin.
- You do?Copy !req
80. You guys are the worst twins ever.Copy !req
81. ALL".
Chug! Chug! Chug!Copy !req
82. - When are you guys taking off?
- Tomorrow morning.Copy !req
83. Hey, Wade. Great party, bud.Copy !req
84. Man, I am so excited.Copy !req
85. A whole summer,
backpacking around Europe.Copy !req
86. You should've come with us
instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty!Copy !req
87. Oh! It's gonna be so awesome.Copy !req
88. Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip
to maximize the fun.Copy !req
89. You brought a guidebook to a party?Copy !req
90. - Do you wanna see my itinerary?
- Do you wanna see my balls?Copy !req
91. - You guys decide where you're gonna go first?
- Paris! I can't wait.Copy !req
92. I heard two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister,
Debbie, met a wealthy French guy...Copy !req
93. and spent a month sailing
the Mediterranean on his yacht.Copy !req
94. Isn't that the most romantic thing
you've ever heard?Copy !req
95. Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy?Copy !req
96. - That sounds a little gay.
- It's not gay. I'm a girl.Copy !req
97. - Kind of gay.
- A little gay.Copy !req
98. All right, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman.Copy !req
99. Hey, listen up, everybody.Copy !req
100. Got a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.Copy !req
101. Gonna play a little song for you
about the nastiest, freakiest...Copy !req
102. little sex puppet I know...Copy !req
103. Fiona.Copy !req
104. This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.Copy !req
105. Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and meCopy !req
106. Do it in my van every SundayCopy !req
107. She tells him she's in church
But she doesn't goCopy !req
108. Still, she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
109. Oh, Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
110. So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
111. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
112. I hope we're just as popular in college...Copy !req
113. as we were in high school.Copy !req
114. We Will be.
I know.Copy !req
115. Who needs more Chablis?Copy !req
116. - Candy, wanna come with?
- No, I'll stay here.Copy !req
117. Hello, Candy.Copy !req
118. - "Whoops!
- Aah!Copy !req
119. Ha, ha. Holy cow!Copy !req
120. Oh, this isn't where I parked my car.Copy !req
121. I can't believe he's so trustingCopy !req
122. While I'm right behind you thrustingCopy !req
123. 'Cause Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
124. Cooper Harris, you're a pig.Copy !req
125. Uh, Candy, before you go, uh,
you might wanna clean that off.Copy !req
126. Clean what off?Copy !req
127. It's like, uh, dirt, or something. Go like this.Copy !req
128. Well, no, it's kind of under,
and to the side...Copy !req
129. and under.Copy !req
130. - Is it off?
- No.Copy !req
131. I think your top is getting in the way.Copy !req
132. - Really?
- Trust me.Copy !req
133. That's better. Uh, but keep rubbing it.Copy !req
134. I did it with her on his birthdayCopy !req
135. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
136. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
137. Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
138. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.Copy !req
139. No, it's just not coming off.Copy !req
140. - What is it?
- Fine, I'll do it. Come here.Copy !req
141. Oh, my God. Candy.Copy !req
142. Cooper.Copy !req
143. Hey-Copy !req
144. This isn't where I parked my car.Copy !req
145. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
146. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
147. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't, Scotty doesn't...Copy !req
148. Hey-Copy !req
149. Scotty doesn't know. Scotty doesn't know.Copy !req
150. This band rocks.Copy !req
151. Yeah.Copy !req
152. Mail, motherfucker.Copy !req
153. Hey, Mieke.Copy !req
154. "Dear Scott, I was very sad to hear
about your lady woman, Fiona, dumping you.Copy !req
155. Since you no longer have a girlfriend,
maybe I could come to America...Copy !req
156. and we could get to know
each other better. Perhaps we could...Copy !req
157. zussamen."Copy !req
158. What the fuck is "zussamen"?Copy !req
159. "Arrange a meeting."Copy !req
160. No, no, no. Come on. Cooper was right.Copy !req
161. This guy wants to have sex with me.Copy !req
162. Um, "listen, Mieke...Copy !req
163. I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you.Copy !req
164. You sick, German freak.Copy !req
165. So please keep your hands off my genitals...Copy !req
166. and never write to me again,
and don't come to America.Copy !req
167. Good bye."Copy !req
168. Ow.Copy !req
169. I'm never drinking again.Copy !req
170. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
171. - Bert, what are you doing?
- Reading your e-mail.Copy !req
172. Don't do that.Copy !req
173. Why are you wearing my bathrobe?Copy !req
174. Oh, I'm sorry...Copy !req
175. but somebody pissed
all over mine last night.Copy !req
176. Wow. I can't believe this German chick
wants to come here and hook up with you.Copy !req
177. I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy.Copy !req
178. Um, no, it says right here,
"trauriges madchen. "Copy !req
179. "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona."Copy !req
180. I'm taking Intro to German,
and even I know that.Copy !req
181. Come here.Copy !req
182. He sent me a picture, retardo.Copy !req
183. See? That's a picture of Mieke
and that's his cute cousin, Jan.Copy !req
184. No, retardo.Copy !req
185. That's Jan, a man's name,
and that's not "Mike."Copy !req
186. It's "Mieke,"
A common German girl's name...Copy !req
187. similar to our Michelle.Copy !req
188. I hope you wrote her back
and told her to come and visit.Copy !req
189. You didn't?Copy !req
190. You thought she was a guy.Copy !req
191. I'm getting the video camera. Ha.Copy !req
192. - What an asshole.
- No.No.Copy !req
193. No.Copy !req
194. No!Copy !req
195. "Address blocked"?
"E-mail not delivered."Copy !req
196. No. No, come on.Copy !req
197. Hey, Mom made waffles.Copy !req
198. - What's going on?
- I'm in love with my pen pal.Copy !req
199. I'm in love with Mieke.Copy !req
200. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
201. You know what?
I was actually expecting this.Copy !req
202. And frankly, I'm flattered
you picked me to come out to first.Copy !req
203. And don't worry about telling your folks...Copy !req
204. - ... because, uh, I think they already know.
- No, you idiot. Mieke is a girl.Copy !req
205. No, no, I get it. Yeah.
He's the girl, and you're the girl...Copy !req
206. and sometimes, uh, you're both the girl.Copy !req
207. Right? Right? That's hot.Copy !req
208. But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.Copy !req
209. Will you stop? Look, come here.
Look at this picture.Copy !req
210. Wow. Who's the hot chick?Copy !req
211. That's Mieke. I mean, Mieke.Copy !req
212. That's Mieke? That's who
you've been writing to all this time?Copy !req
213. Until last night, when I took your advice
and told her to keep her hands off my genitals.Copy !req
214. Given what we know now, that seems
like the exact opposite of what you want.Copy !req
215. This is a total disaster.Copy !req
216. Oh, come on. It's not that bad.Copy !req
217. Though she is really hot.Copy !req
218. You're not listening.
I don't even care what she looks like.Copy !req
219. Mieke and I, we had this incredible bond.Copy !req
220. I told her things I couldn't even tell you.Copy !req
221. Like what?Copy !req
222. Nothing. It's a figure of speech, Coop.Copy !req
223. - No, seriously. What?
- Nothing. The point is—Copy !req
224. - You like me better, right?
- Listen...Copy !req
225. this girl is not only smart and funny,
and stunningly beautiful...Copy !req
226. but until I screwed up,
she wanted to come all the way to America...Copy !req
227. just to be with me.Copy !req
228. - So do something about it.
- What can I do?Copy !req
229. She blocked her e-mail account,
her phone number's not listed.Copy !req
230. The only thing I know is she lives in Berlin.Copy !req
231. So go to Berlin.Copy !req
232. I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.Copy !req
233. - Why not?
- Because.Copy !req
234. I just can't, okay? I'm supposed to work
for my dad this summer.Copy !req
235. It looks good on
my med-school application.Copy !req
236. Oh, Jesus, Scotty.Copy !req
237. Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable.Copy !req
238. - I'm going to Germany.
- No.Copy !req
239. We're going to Germany.Copy !req
240. How are we going to get to Germany?Copy !req
241. Don't worry. I've got it covered.Copy !req
242. We're going to be couriers?Copy !req
243. It's the best way to get a cheap flight.Copy !req
244. All we have to do is carry their packages,
and then drop them off when we get there.Copy !req
245. - My cousin did it when he went to India.
- Yeah?Copy !req
246. Yeah. Of course, he, uh, ended up
using a public restroom in New Delhi...Copy !req
247. and, uh, they had to cut off his leg.
You know...Copy !req
248. but he got there cheap, is what I'm saying.Copy !req
249. Okay, I don't have anything to Germany
for a week.Copy !req
250. Uh, but I can get you both to London today
for $118.Copy !req
251. - Anything else?
- Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall.Copy !req
252. We can walk to Berlin from there.Copy !req
253. Cooper, England's an island.Copy !req
254. Okay, swim. Whatever.Copy !req
255. We'll take it.Copy !req
256. - Hey.
- "Hmm?Copy !req
257. Thanks for coming with me.Copy !req
258. I know you had that internship
at the law firm this summer.Copy !req
259. Well, forget about the law firm.Copy !req
260. And don't thank me.
I should be thanking you.Copy !req
261. This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
for me to broaden my sexual horizons.Copy !req
262. Ha, ha. What are you talking about?Copy !req
263. I'm talking about crazy European sex.Copy !req
264. Ah.Copy !req
265. - You know America was founded by prudes.
- Mm.Copy !req
266. Prudes who left Europe...Copy !req
267. because they hated all the kinky,
steamy European sex that was going on.Copy !req
268. And now I, uh, Cooper Harris...Copy !req
269. will return to the land
of my perverted forefathers...Copy !req
270. and claim my birthright...Copy !req
271. which is a series of erotic
and sexually challenging adventures.Copy !req
272. You've really thought a lot about this,
haven't you?Copy !req
273. It's my passion.Copy !req
274. Come on, come on.Copy !req
275. The adventure begins.Copy !req
276. Welcome to jolly old England.Copy !req
277. Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy,
European air.Copy !req
278. - Oh.
- What is that?Copy !req
279. Uh, it's the phone they gave me
at the law firm.Copy !req
280. Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?Copy !req
281. - Works anywhere.
- Yeah?Copy !req
282. Excuse me.Copy !req
283. Cooper here.Copy !req
284. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
285. Uh, yes, sir, I'm down in file storage.Copy !req
286. Uh, hang on one second.Copy !req
287. No, sir, I can't find
the Gutterman file anywhere.Copy !req
288. Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.Copy !req
289. No, I don't rest until I find it.Copy !req
290. Didn't tell your boss
you were leaving the country?Copy !req
291. - They would've stopped paying me.
- Right.Copy !req
292. It seemed easier.Copy !req
293. - So where to?
- Uh, I don't know.Copy !req
294. First bus to Berlin doesn't leave
till tomorrow.Copy !req
295. What do you wanna do?
Got the Tower of London...Copy !req
296. there's Buckingham Palace.Copy !req
297. - Uh...
- There's no drinking age.Copy !req
298. - There you go.
- Come on.Copy !req
299. Hey. "The Feisty Goat."Copy !req
300. All right.Copy !req
301. What do you wanna...?Copy !req
302. Soccer hooligans.Copy !req
303. Hey, this isn't where I parked my car.Copy !req
304. (Dy-.Copy !req
305. Who the bloody hell are you?Copy !req
306. This is a private members bar,
exclusively for the supporters...Copy !req
307. of the greatest football team in the world:Copy !req
308. Manchester United.Copy !req
309. Now, please, enlighten me.Copy !req
310. Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
311. That is a good question, and, Scotty?Copy !req
312. Huh?Copy !req
313. We're the Manchester United Fan Club...Copy !req
314. from Ohio.Copy !req
315. If you're Manchester United supporters...Copy !req
316. sing the Manchester United song.Copy !req
317. Ahem. Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I'm not much of a singer.Copy !req
318. Aah! Sing!Copy !req
319. My baby takes the morning trainCopy !req
320. He works from 9 to 5 and thenCopy !req
321. He takes another home againCopy !req
322. To find me...Copy !req
323. Watching the Manchester United
football team.Copy !req
324. Huh?Copy !req
325. The best freaking team
in all the land. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
326. Pretty good.Copy !req
327. - Pretty dang good, lads.
- Yeah.Copy !req
328. To find me waiting for himCopy !req
329. I've unblocked your e-mail address...Copy !req
330. but this Scott is not responding.Copy !req
331. He was the one.Copy !req
332. I was going to give myself to him.Copy !req
333. Perhaps you should give yourself
to someone else.Copy !req
334. I'm never drinking again.Copy !req
335. Coop, wake up.Copy !req
336. Oh, man, that was a wild night.Copy !req
337. You think?Copy !req
338. Scotty, where the hell are we going?Copy !req
339. Don't worry. If anything bad happens,
my parents will find us.Copy !req
340. Honey, where's Scotty?Copy !req
341. Cooper said they were going camping.Copy !req
342. Oh. That's nice.Copy !req
343. And where's Bert?Copy !req
344. Fuck if I know.Copy !req
345. Hey! How are you, you scalawag.Copy !req
346. Look, given the current
geopolitical climate...Copy !req
347. all European countries
should have a seat at the table.Copy !req
348. - Right.
- Except those fucking lties.Copy !req
349. I hate them Italian bastards.Copy !req
350. - You know what I mean?
- Excuse me.Copy !req
351. Hello, boy-o.Copy !req
352. What the hell happened last night?Copy !req
353. You got steamed up, pissed as a fart.Copy !req
354. Too much sauce, son.Copy !req
355. Don't worry. We come and got you
so you wouldn't miss the trip.Copy !req
356. What trip?Copy !req
357. Where are we going?Copy !req
358. Where are we going?
We're going to see the Mighty Reds...Copy !req
359. do the frogs in Paris. Aren't we, boys?Copy !req
360. Yeah.Copy !req
361. Why are you yelling at me?Copy !req
362. So I tell the swamp donkey to sack it...Copy !req
363. before I give her a tonk
in the tradesman's entrance...Copy !req
364. and have her lick me yarbles.Copy !req
365. Wow.Copy !req
366. You guys are on like a completely different level
of swearing over here.Copy !req
367. Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris.Copy !req
368. I know. Cecil told me.Copy !req
369. Mieke's in Berlin.
We're not going to Berlin.Copy !req
370. What are we gonna do? We need a plan.Copy !req
371. See what I'm talking about?
This is predictable Scotty talking.Copy !req
372. Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin.
It's a nothing commute.Copy !req
373. This is why France and Germany
have always been allies.Copy !req
374. Allies.Copy !req
375. The twins. The twins were in Paris, right?Copy !req
376. We could give them a call. They could
help us out. Let me see your phone.Copy !req
377. All right, but I'm really only supposed
to use this for business calls.Copy !req
378. Hey, don't...Copy !req
379. You're on the wrong side of the road,
you snail-eating poofs.Copy !req
380. Fuck off. Go on,
you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers.Copy !req
381. Piss off. Get in here and say that,
you froggy, ltie shities.Copy !req
382. Fucking beep. We'll beep,
you bastard, all over your fucking nose.Copy !req
383. Get out of the way. Piss off.Copy !req
384. Hey, lads. That wanker's
got a frog football shirt on.Copy !req
385. Let's give this Nancy
a fucking good kicking.Copy !req
386. Come on, lads, he's going off.Copy !req
387. All right. Twins said they'd meet us here.Copy !req
388. - Look at that.
- There they are. Come on. Jenny.Copy !req
389. - Jamie.
- Hey.Copy !req
390. Come here.Copy !req
391. No, no. No, no, no.Copy !req
392. - Scott, bienvenue a Paris.
- Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
393. - What is that a new camera?
- This isn't just a camera...Copy !req
394. this is a Leica M7.Copy !req
395. Uber-sensitive exposure settings,
legendary cloth-shutter system.Copy !req
396. - Let me see that thing.
- No can do.Copy !req
397. I spent the last four years
tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it...Copy !req
398. so nobody touches my camera but me.Copy !req
399. - So it's like your Wiener.
- No, it's not like my—Copy !req
400. - Jenny.
- Cooper, leave him alone.Copy !req
401. Wow, I can't believe
you came all the way to Europe for a girl.Copy !req
402. Oh, wait, no, not just any girl.
Show her the picture, Scotty.Copy !req
403. She makes every girl in our high school
look like a walrus.Copy !req
404. - I'm a girl from your high school.
- No, I mean "girl" girls.Copy !req
405. Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.
We're in Paris.Copy !req
406. Let's go to the Louvre.Copy !req
407. To the Louvre.Copy !req
408. So you guys wanna stay here...Copy !req
409. or should we check out the huge line
at the Eiffel Tower?Copy !req
410. Here's a fun fact.Copy !req
411. Voltaire contracted syphilis
just two blocks from here.Copy !req
412. - Should we go?
- Can we please get out of here?Copy !req
413. - This guy's really creeping me out.
- Who, robot man?Copy !req
414. He's just trying to feed his robot family.Copy !req
415. - I really don't like him.
- Why?Copy !req
416. Because he's doing this?Copy !req
417. All right. Okay, seriously, don't do that.Copy !req
418. Cooper. Do not hate me.Copy !req
419. I am familiar with over 600 dance moves
and I am programmed to get:Copy !req
420. Freaky.Copy !req
421. Ha, ha. You're just upset because
people like me better. It's okay.Copy !req
422. Oh.Copy !req
423. Fight. Fight.Copy !req
424. Break the leg, Scott.Copy !req
425. Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.Copy !req
426. - Oh.
- That was not cool.Copy !req
427. Guys, let's go. Come on.Copy !req
428. Error. Error. Error.Copy !req
429. How cool is this?Copy !req
430. It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.Copy !req
431. - Why don't you come to Berlin?
- Mm, no.Copy !req
432. Jamie, come on. In a few months,
we all go to different colleges.Copy !req
433. This could be the last chance
the four of us are together like this.Copy !req
434. Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?Copy !req
435. This should be the trip of a lifetime.Copy !req
436. There's no way we should split up.Copy !req
437. All right, this table is now Europe, okay?Copy !req
438. Ahem. Excuse me.
We are right here, in Paris...Copy !req
439. and I have got to get to Mieke,
who is over here, in Berlin.Copy !req
440. If you come with us, I'm sure there's
a ton of great stuff to see along the way.Copy !req
441. - We can go to Denmark.
- I love Denmark.Copy !req
442. - We gotta hit Amsterdam.
- Definitely.Copy !req
443. And the cathedral at Cameret.Copy !req
444. - Yeah. Maybe.
- Maybe. We'll see.Copy !req
445. - Whatever.
- If there's time.Copy !req
446. Come on. I really want you to be there
when I meet Mieke.Copy !req
447. - Fine.
- Excellent.Copy !req
448. - All right. A toast.
- Yes.Copy !req
449. - Ahem. To Mieke.
- To Europe.Copy !req
450. To Europe.Copy !req
451. - Berlin, here we come.
- All right.Copy !req
452. Better let me hold on to those.Copy !req
453. - What the hell is that?
- It's a traveler's money belt.Copy !req
454. Frommer's says as long
as you have one of these...Copy !req
455. no one can rob you of anything.Copy !req
456. Except your dignity.Copy !req
457. No, you just put that in your...Copy !req
458. Wait, what?Copy !req
459. Come on, Guidebook. Let's go.Copy !req
460. Check it out.Copy !req
461. European ass.Copy !req
462. What's up?Copy !req
463. Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some...Copy !req
464. girl. Come on. Platform 4.Copy !req
465. Thanks.Copy !req
466. Damn.Copy !req
467. I believe this is yours.Copy !req
468. Pleased to meet you.Copy !req
469. My name is Christoph.Copy !req
470. Jenny, let's go.
Come on, move it.Copy !req
471. Those are my friends.
We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin—Copy !req
472. - Jenny!
- I'm coming!Copy !req
473. So it was really nice to meet you.Copy !req
474. The pleasure was all mine.Copy !req
475. Jennifer.Copy !req
476. Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and meCopy !req
477. Do it in my van on SundaysCopy !req
478. Tells him she's...Copy !req
479. What?Copy !req
480. You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune.Copy !req
481. Tells him she's in church
But she doesn't goCopy !req
482. Still she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
483. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
484. Scotty doesn't—Copy !req
485. You know, there are a lot
of other empty compartments.Copy !req
486. Huh?Copy !req
487. Ah.Copy !req
488. Pardon me.Copy !req
489. Eh?Copy !req
490. Oh.Copy !req
491. Oh, ow!Copy !req
492. Hi.Copy !req
493. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
494. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
495. - Uh-oh.
- What?Copy !req
496. Big tunnel.Copy !req
497. Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?Copy !req
498. Who's touching me? Scotty.Copy !req
499. Crane Sur Mer.
We change trains here.Copy !req
500. Well, we got a couple of hours to kill.Copy !req
501. What's there to see in this town?Copy !req
502. Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres.Copy !req
503. It's a monument to all the local fishermen
that were lost at sea.Copy !req
504. Frommer's says it's supposed to be
quite moving.Copy !req
505. What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO?Copy !req
506. We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.Copy !req
507. I'm taking a nap.
Wake me up when the train gets here.Copy !req
508. Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.Copy !req
509. All right, we can't all just lie around all clay.Copy !req
510. We gotta get out there
and experience the culture firsthand.Copy !req
511. Let's go exploring.Copy !req
512. So, what's the etiquette on boners?Copy !req
513. Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it
or is it cool to just let my flag fly?Copy !req
514. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
515. Does "nude beach" mean
we have to get naked too?Copy !req
516. Of course.Copy !req
517. Do you think you can go an hour
without your currency colostomy bag?Copy !req
518. Hey. Hey, as long as this thing
has our money and passports in it...Copy !req
519. it's not coming off,
and my trunks aren't coming off, either.Copy !req
520. Come on, Jamie.
You came all the way to Europe.Copy !req
521. Can't wimp out now.Copy !req
522. Okay.Copy !req
523. - All right, on the count of three.
- Here we go.Copy !req
524. - Ahem.
- Three, two, one...Copy !req
525. Ha, ha. Look at Jamie's penis.Copy !req
526. - Ha, ha.
- Very funny. Very funny.Copy !req
527. All right. All right. Ahem.Copy !req
528. Let the crazy, European sex odyssey begin.Copy !req
529. - Here we go.
- Really?Copy !req
530. - Yes.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
531. Hello, ladies.Copy !req
532. - Ladies?
- Bitches?Copy !req
533. Ew. What a rip. There's no nude girls here,
just guys like us looking for nude girls.Copy !req
534. I don't understand.Copy !req
535. “(Evans Sur Met has one oi the best
nude beaches on Xhe confluent.Copy !req
536. However...Copy !req
537. during the summer, the European women
are chased away by gawking male tourists...Copy !req
538. so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists
head to the deserted beach...Copy !req
539. right next
to the Monument des Poissonieres. "Copy !req
540. There's so many penises.Copy !req
541. Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.Copy !req
542. This is the biggest sausage fest on earth.Copy !req
543. It's the International House of Sausage.Copy !req
544. Hey.Copy !req
545. - Thanks for waiting.
- You're not missing anything.Copy !req
546. It's all guys.Copy !req
547. Well, at least the sun's out.Copy !req
548. Holy crap.Copy !req
549. What? I thought this was a nude beach.Copy !req
550. No!Copy !req
551. - Huh?
- No, no.Copy !req
552. - What? What are you doing?
- Jenny, you gotta cover up. Cover up, cover up.Copy !req
553. Girl?Copy !req
554. Girl.Copy !req
555. Ooh, girl. Girl. Ooh, girl.Copy !req
556. Girl. Girl.Copy !req
557. Run.Copy !req
558. I'm not gonna make it.Copy !req
559. - Go on without me.
- All right. See you.Copy !req
560. Are you reading, uh,
Mieke's old e-mails again?Copy !req
561. Mm-hm. Yeah.Copy !req
562. I have no idea what I'm going to say
to that girl when I see her.Copy !req
563. You know, she said I might be the one?Copy !req
564. That's huge.Copy !req
565. I've never been "the one" before.Copy !req
566. Thought I was "the one" with Fiona,
but turns out I was, what, 101?Copy !req
567. - Two hundred.
- Two hundred.Copy !req
568. Look, you got nothing to worry about.Copy !req
569. You'll show up and sweep her
off her German feet.Copy !req
570. Thanks.Copy !req
571. Yeah.Copy !req
572. I Will, Won't I?Copy !req
573. I'm so sad and lonely.Copy !req
574. I just wish someone would show up
and sweep me off my German feet.Copy !req
575. Mieke. I'm here.Copy !req
576. Scotty.Copy !req
577. About that last e-mail. I'm so sorry—Copy !req
578. The past is the past. You're here now.Copy !req
579. I've been saving myself for you.Copy !req
580. Let us make love for one whole month.Copy !req
581. Touch me, Scotty.Copy !req
582. 0K8)'-Copy !req
583. Oh, Scott.Copy !req
584. Guys, our train doesn't leave till morning.Copy !req
585. Where will we sleep tonight?Copy !req
586. What do you mean, sleep?Copy !req
587. We can sleep on the train tomorrow.Copy !req
588. This is the best thing that could've happened.
We're in Amsterdam.Copy !req
589. This is the drug and sex capital of Europe.Copy !req
590. Take a look at this.Copy !req
591. "Club Vandersexxx."Copy !req
592. "The Red Light District's hottest sex club."Copy !req
593. We have to check it out. Who's with me?Copy !req
594. I'll go.Copy !req
595. Fine. Since no one else is willing to go,
I'll just go myself.Copy !req
596. Sitting, waiting for meCopy !req
597. This is definitely where I parked my car.Copy !req
598. Where we met for the first timeCopy !req
599. Hello there.Copy !req
600. Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...Copy !req
601. Amsterdam's most erotic club...Copy !req
602. where your every fantasy will be fulfilled.Copy !req
603. Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer.Copy !req
604. He's American.Copy !req
605. How sad for you to grow up
in a country founded by prudes.Copy !req
606. A country overrun with crime and illiteracy.Copy !req
607. A country where a man
is forced to make sex...Copy !req
608. to only one woman at a time...Copy !req
609. and one must learn
the woman's name beforehand.Copy !req
610. - It was horrible.
- I know.Copy !req
611. But you can come with me...Copy !req
612. and let the Vandersexxx begin.Copy !req
613. Ah.Copy !req
614. Marijuana in my soulCopy !req
615. Your iguana in my hallCopy !req
616. I can't believe we're doing this.Copy !req
617. Don't worry.
Hash brownies are totally legal here.Copy !req
618. You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.Copy !req
619. I like to smoke marijuanaCopy !req
620. - You wanna do this? Uh-huh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
621. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
622. I need a new battery for my camera...Copy !req
623. and while you're at it,
it could use a thorough cleaning.Copy !req
624. Wow.Copy !req
625. Is that a Leica M6?Copy !req
626. Actually, it's an M7.Copy !req
627. It's got the built-in light meter.Copy !req
628. It's so beautiful.Copy !req
629. So sleek, so powerful.Copy !req
630. How's the new lens system?Copy !req
631. Ha, ha. Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.Copy !req
632. You really know your cameras.Copy !req
633. And you're very cute.Copy !req
634. Me? Really?Copy !req
635. I'm going on break.Copy !req
636. I was going to step out back
and have a cigarette.Copy !req
637. Would you like to join me?Copy !req
638. I don't smoke.Copy !req
639. Neither do I.Copy !req
640. Hold on, hold on, hold on.Copy !req
641. What is it?Copy !req
642. This is great.Copy !req
643. You're so innocent.Copy !req
644. Let's change that, shall we?Copy !req
645. What would you like me to do?Copy !req
646. Well, I don't really know.Copy !req
647. I guess I haven't really done that much.Copy !req
648. Um, I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars...Copy !req
649. and model U.N., advanced placement classes,
after-school tutor—Copy !req
650. Ah.Copy !req
651. Gosh, you really like cameras.Copy !req
652. Sometimes, we find our clients
are so overwhelmed with the pleasure...Copy !req
653. that they sometimes scream out, "no"...Copy !req
654. when really they mean "yes."Copy !req
655. And this is why we have the safe word.Copy !req
656. The safe word?Copy !req
657. If at any time the ecstasy gets too great...Copy !req
658. you just use the safe word.Copy !req
659. Until we hear the safe word,
we will not stop.Copy !req
660. Yeah, right. Stop. All right.Copy !req
661. We're going to start slowly...Copy !req
662. teasing you
with a little, light erotic foreplay.Copy !req
663. Whee. Ha, ha.Copy !req
664. Oh, yes, ladies.Copy !req
665. On, on, Vandersexxx!Copy !req
666. Hans. Gruber.Copy !req
667. Hi.Copy !req
668. So are the girls coming back?Copy !req
669. Administer the testicle clamps!Copy !req
670. Huh? What? Hey.Copy !req
671. Safe word.Copy !req
672. What is that? That's not a word, it's a—Copy !req
673. - Okay, mister, don't move.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
674. Shut the hell up.Copy !req
675. Oh, brother. Please don't hurt me.Copy !req
676. Oh, no. You're fine. That's good. You're fine.Copy !req
677. Give me cash? You got cash'?Copy !req
678. Take it all, you dirty girl.Copy !req
679. What? Your wallet. Focus.Copy !req
680. - Give it to me.
- Oh.Copy !req
681. Oh, I love you.Copy !req
682. I love you.Copy !req
683. I love you. I love you.Copy !req
684. I love you.Copy !req
685. What's so funny?Copy !req
686. Mm. I'm really hungry.
I think I've got the munchies.Copy !req
687. - Excuse me.
- Huh?Copy !req
688. It's hot in here. You hot?
Because I'm really hot.Copy !req
689. - Mm, so good.
- Okay, I can't breathe. God.Copy !req
690. I'm freaking out. I think we got a bad batch
because I'm freaking out.Copy !req
691. I can't— I can't do this.Copy !req
692. I saw a gay porno once.
I didn't know until halfway in.Copy !req
693. The girls never came. The girls never came.Copy !req
694. I am freaking out!Copy !req
695. - Everything all right with you?
- No, nothing's all right.Copy !req
696. You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies.
You're a bad Rastafarian.Copy !req
697. These are not hash brownies.Copy !req
698. Hmm?Copy !req
699. - What was that?
- We do not sell hash brownies here.Copy !req
700. We're a simple Dutch bakery.Copy !req
701. Now put your clothes back on, white boy.Copy !req
702. Ow. Ow. OW.Copy !req
703. Did you say fluggegecheimen?Copy !req
704. Yes. Yes. For the love of God,
fluggengecheimen.Copy !req
705. - Are you sure?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
706. As you wish.Copy !req
707. Bring on the fluggegecheimen!Copy !req
708. Wait, what?Copy !req
709. Uh-oh.Copy !req
710. No, no, no. I didn't say fluggegecheimen.Copy !req
711. I said, uh:Copy !req
712. What'd you do last night?Copy !req
713. I don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
714. What did you guys do?Copy !req
715. Don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
716. - What is that?
- Free T-shirt.Copy !req
717. Hey, guys.Copy !req
718. - What happened to you?
- I got robbed.Copy !req
719. It was awesome.Copy !req
720. All our money,
our passports, our tickets...Copy !req
721. everything, gone.Copy !req
722. How the hell could this happen?Copy !req
723. We all go to Amsterdam
and Jamie's the one who hooks up.Copy !req
724. For shame.Copy !req
725. Oh, that's me.Copy !req
726. Coop here. Sorry.Copy !req
727. Hello, Mr. Walters.Copy !req
728. What do you mean,
you never got the Gutterman file?Copy !req
729. I told, uh, Humphrey to give it to you.Copy !req
730. That's hogwash.
I handed it to him myself yesterday.Copy !req
731. Yes, sir, I will tell Humphrey
to report to your office immediately.Copy !req
732. Bye.Copy !req
733. This job's killing me.Copy !req
734. - Uh...
- Uh, let me handle this.Copy !req
735. I speak bad German.Copy !req
736. - What did he say?
- He said he's driving.Copy !req
737. - Oh.
- Something.Copy !req
738. - Yeah. Ha, ha.
- Uh...Copy !req
739. Berlin?Copy !req
740. - Berlin?
- Berlin.Copy !req
741. - He's going to Berlin.
- Awesome.Copy !req
742. - All right. Berlin.
- Come on, let's go.Copy !req
743. Next stop, Berlin.Copy !req
744. Beautiful. We made it to Berlin.Copy !req
745. Yeah. Berlin. Ha, ha.Copy !req
746. - Bratislava?
- Yeah.Copy !req
747. Bratislava.Copy !req
748. Dear sweet mother of God.Copy !req
749. We're in Eastern Europe.Copy !req
750. Ew.Copy !req
751. Excuse me.Copy !req
752. Do you speak any English?Copy !req
753. You are Americans?Copy !req
754. Yeah.Copy !req
755. I love America.Copy !req
756. We just get Miami Vice on television.Copy !req
757. Hey, man, Miami Vice
is number one new show.Copy !req
758. - Ha, ha.
- Yeah.Copy !req
759. Um, listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.Copy !req
760. Do you know if there's a train
coming anytime soon?Copy !req
761. Oh, yes, very soon.
They are building it now.Copy !req
762. Stop. Hammer time.Copy !req
763. Enjoy Bratislava.Copy !req
764. It's good, uh, you came in summer.Copy !req
765. In winter, it can get very depressing.Copy !req
766. We gotta figure something out.
How much money do we have?Copy !req
767. Frommer's travel tip.Copy !req
768. I don't have anything.Copy !req
769. What? I got noth— Fine.Copy !req
770. A dollar and 83 cents American.Copy !req
771. What are we gonna get with that?Copy !req
772. Gotta love that exchange rate.Copy !req
773. Dinner is served.Copy !req
774. Would the masters care
for anything else?Copy !req
775. Think we're good. Thanks.Copy !req
776. Ah. A nickel.Copy !req
777. You see this?Copy !req
778. I quit.Copy !req
779. I open my own hotel.Copy !req
780. So we got 27 cents left.Copy !req
781. What is there to do in this town?Copy !req
782. My ScottyCopy !req
783. Don't tell ScottyCopy !req
784. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
785. Hey. This song sounds familiar.Copy !req
786. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
787. Jenny, let me check your coat.Copy !req
788. Hey.
Jenny.Copy !req
789. That outfit is horrible.
Just take it off now!Copy !req
790. No, but I will let you buy me a drink.Copy !req
791. Excuse me.Copy !req
792. You are the woman from the Paris train station,
aren't you?Copy !req
793. - My name is—
- Christoph.Copy !req
794. Ha, ha. Yes.Copy !req
795. What are you doing here?Copy !req
796. This is my place. My family owns many
night clubs throughout Europe.Copy !req
797. I'd be honored if you'd join me
in my VIP room for a drink.Copy !req
798. 0K8)'-Copy !req
799. Bye, Cooper.Copy !req
800. - What's that?
- It's Absinthe.Copy !req
801. Frommer's says it's illegal in the States...Copy !req
802. because it makes you hallucinate
and go crazy.Copy !req
803. They call it "The Green Fairy."Copy !req
804. My family has a yacht in the Aegean.Copy !req
805. Come with me, Jennifer.
We will sail away together.Copy !req
806. Oh, my God.Copy !req
807. We will swim with dolphins
and sip champagne by moonlight.Copy !req
808. Oh, my God.Copy !req
809. We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.Copy !req
810. My wife makes the best sangria.Copy !req
811. Wait. What?Copy !req
812. Sangria.Copy !req
813. You take a good Spanish rioja,
and you put in slices of orange and—Copy !req
814. No, no, no. Wait.
You said you were married?Copy !req
815. So you just go around Europe,
sleeping with every woman you meet?Copy !req
816. No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that.
I also sleep with men.Copy !req
817. I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything.Copy !req
818. Me neither.Copy !req
819. Sober as a judge.Copy !req
820. How about you?Copy !req
821. I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.Copy !req
822. This Absinthe is bullshit.Copy !req
823. I hear you, my brother.Copy !req
824. I'm out of here.Copy !req
825. Excuse me.Copy !req
826. - Hey, so where's Christoph?
- Shut up.Copy !req
827. We don't care if you stare
'Cause the music is tightCopy !req
828. Let me hear you say "yeah"
So we can do this rightCopy !req
829. So we can do this right
Come onCopy !req
830. Come on
Come onCopy !req
831. Europe.
Europe.Copy !req
832. Whoo.
Europe.Copy !req
833. So tomorrow, Berlin.Copy !req
834. Tomorrow, Mieke.Copy !req
835. To sail in on the breeze?Copy !req
836. Check it out.Copy !req
837. No way.Copy !req
838. Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
Goddamn it.Copy !req
839. It's just so unfair. I've been all over the place,
looking for crazy European sex...Copy !req
840. and he's the one who ends up—Copy !req
841. Oh, my God.Copy !req
842. That is some pretty fucked-up shit.Copy !req
843. They really are the worst twins ever.Copy !req
844. That was a pretty wild night, eh?Copy !req
845. Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild.Copy !req
846. I know I was out of control.Copy !req
847. How about you guys? Did you, uh...?Copy !req
848. All right, look. We were really drunk...Copy !req
849. things got a little crazy, and Jamie...Copy !req
850. kissed me.Copy !req
851. Let's just forget about it, okay?Copy !req
852. Okay, fine. I'll give it a rest.Copy !req
853. Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's?Copy !req
854. Oh, here it is. Bratislava.Copy !req
855. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.Copy !req
856. Oh, here's a fun fact.Copy !req
857. You made out with your sister, man.Copy !req
858. - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
- Like two dogs in heat.Copy !req
859. My friends, where is the beef?Copy !req
860. You go to Berlin? I'm your ride.Copy !req
861. Hop in.Copy !req
862. Hey. This is Mieke's apartment building.Copy !req
863. Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.Copy !req
864. You'll do great, Scotty.Copy !req
865. Thanks.Copy !req
866. I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this.Copy !req
867. - Dude, Mieke's hideous. Run.
- Stop.Copy !req
868. Hi, uh, my name is Scott Thomas.Copy !req
869. I'm from America and I'm here to see Mieke.Copy !req
870. I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here.Copy !req
871. - Do you know where she is?
- She's gone for the summer.Copy !req
872. My daughter had intended
to spend the summer in America...Copy !req
873. looking at colleges
and visiting some friends.Copy !req
874. But, uh, several days ago,
she suddenly changed her mind.Copy !req
875. She would not tell me why.Copy !req
876. I think I know why.Copy !req
877. Uh, this is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.Copy !req
878. As I was saying,
she packed up her bag and left.Copy !req
879. - It was all very sudden.
- Do you know where she is now?Copy !req
880. As you know, she's always been
very interested in the classics...Copy !req
881. Greek and Roman literature and history,
and she's always enjoyed the ocean...Copy !req
882. so she found a program
that combines all her interests.Copy !req
883. Do you know where she is?Copy !req
884. Mm. Uh, she enrolled in a summer-at-sea
program, based in Rome.Copy !req
885. Rome.Copy !req
886. Okay, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then.Copy !req
887. Unfortunately,
Mieke's only in Rome for orientation.Copy !req
888. Tomorrow her group boards a boat
and she'll be gone for the summer.Copy !req
889. She'll be, uh, quite unreachable.Copy !req
890. Unreachable.Copy !req
891. Mieke's tour group goes
to the Vatican tomorrow...Copy !req
892. - ... then she gets on that boat and she's gone.
- So it's over?Copy !req
893. Uh, hey. Thanks for sticking with me
through this, guys, but...Copy !req
894. you should probably call your parents,
have them wire you some money and go home.Copy !req
895. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
896. I'm going to Rome.Copy !req
897. I'll Walk, I'll hitchhike...Copy !req
898. I'll swim if I have to,
but I'm gonna get to Mieke somehow.Copy !req
899. Maybe that'll help.Copy !req
900. Where'd you get all that?Copy !req
901. Wait. Where's your Leica?Copy !req
902. - Sold it.
- What?Copy !req
903. You sold your Leica?
But you loved that thing.Copy !req
904. What about your photo tour of Europe?
What about the chateaus?Copy !req
905. Chateaus have been there for 300 years.Copy !req
906. Mieke's gone in 12 hours.Copy !req
907. Let's go. Frommer's says to check in
three hours before any international flight.Copy !req
908. Come here, Guidebook.Copy !req
909. Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!Copy !req
910. All right, Summer at Sea group.Copy !req
911. Our tour begins in the Vatican Museum.
This way, please.Copy !req
912. There it is.Copy !req
913. This entrance
is for private tour groups only.Copy !req
914. Oh. But we are a private tour group.Copy !req
915. We've come all the way from America.Copy !req
916. That guy in the orange jacket
is mentally retarded.Copy !req
917. Si, I can tell. How very, very sad.Copy !req
918. Yes, it is.Copy !req
919. But if you are a tour, where is your guide?Copy !req
920. We've got a fantastic tour guide.Copy !req
921. - Right here. Ha, ha.
- What? No.Copy !req
922. The Vatican has been used
as a papal residence...Copy !req
923. ever since the time of Emperor
Constantine the Great of the 5th century A.D.Copy !req
924. Oh. Okay, um,
if you'll all follow me, please. Ahem.Copy !req
925. Have a very special day...Copy !req
926. for a very special little man.Copy !req
927. Okay.Copy !req
928. I can't believe that guy let us in.
What a retard.Copy !req
929. Okay, let's find Mieke.Copy !req
930. One of our English-speaking
tour guides has called in sick.Copy !req
931. Could you please take these peoples also?Copy !req
932. - How big is Vatican City?
- Point-five square kilometers.Copy !req
933. - Who built the colonnade?
- Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.Copy !req
934. - Uh, where are the bathrooms?
- Floors 2, 6 and 7.Copy !req
935. Next I'll take you to where
the College of Cardinals elects a new pope.Copy !req
936. When this happens, white smoke is sent up
from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact...Copy !req
937. Mieke's gotta be around here somewhere.Copy !req
938. Let's go.Copy !req
939. Behind me is the
appartamento papale...Copy !req
940. or "papal apartment."
We're obviously not permitted in there.Copy !req
941. Excuse me, miss. What is this?Copy !req
942. Oh. That is the bell of San Marco.Copy !req
943. When the pope dies,
the cardinal vicar of Rome...Copy !req
944. rings this bell
to notify the people of Rome.Copy !req
945. Next we will view the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.Copy !req
946. Come on. I think I heard them.
Which way did they go?Copy !req
947. That way. I'd stake my reputation on it.Copy !req
948. Good enough for me.Copy !req
949. Hey, check it out.Copy !req
950. I wonder what this does.Copy !req
951. It doesn't do anything, it's a rope.
Come on, let's go.Copy !req
952. They got a lot of old stuff here.Copy !req
953. The bell of San Marco.Copy !req
954. The pope is dead.Copy !req
955. Whoa.Copy !req
956. She's not in here.Copy !req
957. Let's go. We're definitely not
supposed to be in here.Copy !req
958. Hey, check this out.Copy !req
959. - I'm the pope.
- Cooper.Copy !req
960. Take off the pope hat.Copy !req
961. - Oh, no. It's okay. I'm Catholic.
- Cooper, take it off, goddamn it.Copy !req
962. Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain.
Only I can forgive you now, my son.Copy !req
963. - Take that fudging thing off.
- The pope breaks an open-field tackle.Copy !req
964. It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40,
the 30, the 20, the 10.Copy !req
965. Touchdown, pope!Copy !req
966. The pope makes a two-point conversion.Copy !req
967. And oh, my lord. It's the pope, eight,
and the heathens, nothing!Copy !req
968. How's you, sucker?Copy !req
969. Cooper, the hat. The hat.Copy !req
970. The hat is on fire.Copy !req
971. We don't need no water, let the m—Copy !req
972. I'm not kidding. Look.Copy !req
973. Oh, holy shit.Copy !req
974. - Ooh!
- I don't want this.Copy !req
975. Fireplace. Fireplace. Go, go.Copy !req
976. Whoa.Copy !req
977. White smoke.Copy !req
978. They've elected the new pope!Copy !req
979. I'm coming to you live
from Vatican Square...Copy !req
980. where the College of Cardinals,
in a surprise move...Copy !req
981. has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very, very excited.Copy !req
982. This is so strange.Copy !req
983. Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.Copy !req
984. We could be seeing history in the making.Copy !req
985. We could be seeing an arrest in the making.Copy !req
986. There she is. Mieke.Copy !req
987. Hey. Stupid curtain. Unh.Copy !req
988. Let me out.Copy !req
989. Mieke!Copy !req
990. It's the new pope!Copy !req
991. What the hell?Copy !req
992. Mieke.Copy !req
993. Hold on.Copy !req
994. This is one crazy pope.Copy !req
995. You. Ferma. Stop. You.Copy !req
996. You and your retarded friend...Copy !req
997. you're in big, big trouble.Copy !req
998. Oy.Copy !req
999. Take your mitts off them boys.Copy !req
1000. They're with me.Copy !req
1001. I've just about had enough
of you fucking lties.Copy !req
1002. But I am Swiss.Copy !req
1003. Them too.Copy !req
1004. Now, bud, you get in there,
and you say what you got to say.Copy !req
1005. Mieke. I'm here. I made it.Copy !req
1006. Who are you?Copy !req
1007. What a fucking loser.
I'm gonna videotape this.Copy !req
1008. I'm Scott.Copy !req
1009. From Ohio?Copy !req
1010. Scott? Scott Thomas?Copy !req
1011. - Yes.
- From Ohio?Copy !req
1012. - What are you doing in Rome?
- I came here to be with you.Copy !req
1013. Listen, I just traveled
all the way across Europe.Copy !req
1014. I got chased by naked men.Copy !req
1015. I ate brownies with absolutely
no drugs in them.Copy !req
1016. I watched a brother and sister make out.Copy !req
1017. I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...Copy !req
1018. So I could tell you one thing.Copy !req
1019. I love you, Mieke.Copy !req
1020. Aw.Copy !req
1021. We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?Copy !req
1022. I think...Copy !req
1023. Oh, Mieke— Mieke.Copy !req
1024. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.Copy !req
1025. I have cheated on my husband.Copy !req
1026. Do you think God
will ever forgive me?Copy !req
1027. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1028. Father?Copy !req
1029. Father! Aah!Copy !req
1030. This sucks.Copy !req
1031. I can't believe I'm the only one
who didn't hook up while we were here.Copy !req
1032. Europe is officially
the worst country on earth.Copy !req
1033. I know.Copy !req
1034. I thought I'd at least get to have some
crazy European sex.Copy !req
1035. What?Copy !req
1036. - Scott, I have to go.
- Okay.Copy !req
1037. My boat is leaving.Copy !req
1038. I still can't believe you came all the way here,
just for me.Copy !req
1039. What can I say? I'm very unpredictable.Copy !req
1040. Keep writing to me, Scott, okay?Copy !req
1041. Yeah, I will.Copy !req
1042. - Go.
- Bye.Copy !req
1043. Yes. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1044. Woo-had.!Copy !req
1045. Hey, guys, I'm so glad
we got to take this trip together.Copy !req
1046. This was the best time of my life.Copy !req
1047. Excuse me.Copy !req
1048. You're the young man who gave me
that tour of the Vatican, aren't you?Copy !req
1049. - Listen, I'm very sorry—
- I just wanted to thank you.Copy !req
1050. You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic...Copy !req
1051. tour guide I've ever had.Copy !req
1052. Ha, ha. Thanks.
But I'm not actually a tour guide.Copy !req
1053. Um, I've just read Frommer's enough
to have it memorized.Copy !req
1054. Although, I threw in a few things
Frommer's didn't know about.Copy !req
1055. How would you like to add them?Copy !req
1056. Excuse me?Copy !req
1057. That's my guidebook.Copy !req
1058. I'm Arthur Frommer.Copy !req
1059. It's amazing. Frommer's is going to pay me
to see every museum and cathedral in Europe.Copy !req
1060. - Ha, ha.
- That sounds so exciting...Copy !req
1061. for you.Copy !req
1062. I figured,
since you're going to be staying...Copy !req
1063. you might need this.Copy !req
1064. - A disposable camera.
- That's right.Copy !req
1065. - Thanks, Scotty.
- That's from both of us.Copy !req
1066. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1067. Scotty doesn't know
Don't tell ScottyCopy !req
1068. Hello, Mr. Walters. I see.Copy !req
1069. Fired? Well, I...Copy !req
1070. Well, if that's what you want, I understand.
I just...Copy !req
1071. Goodbye, sir.Copy !req
1072. They had to catch you eventually, right?Copy !req
1073. - No, they fired Humphrey.
- Shut up.Copy !req
1074. I got his office and a raise.Copy !req
1075. - No.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
1076. Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland...Copy !req
1077. - That's you guys.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1078. - Have a good flight, everybody.
- Come here.Copy !req
1079. Be good.Copy !req
1080. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
1081. - Have a good flight.
- Be good.Copy !req
1082. Thanks.Copy !req
1083. I'm on it.Copy !req
1084. Whoa!Copy !req
1085. This still counts as Europe, right?Copy !req
1086. SCOTT".
"Dear Mieke.Copy !req
1087. Greece sounds incredible.Copy !req
1088. I just moved into my dorm room today...Copy !req
1089. but I can't wait to see you
over Christmas break.Copy !req
1090. This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct."Copy !req
1091. - Hello?
- Hey, buddy, how's college?Copy !req
1092. Hey, I just got here.
My roommate hasn't even showed up yet.Copy !req
1093. Do they room all you pre-med geeks
together?Copy !req
1094. I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.Copy !req
1095. I'm thinking about majoring in German.Copy !req
1096. COOPER'.
German? I've got a better idea.Copy !req
1097. Why don't you major in
Not Being Such a Woman?Copy !req
1098. So how's Jenny?Copy !req
1099. Jenny...? Jenny who?Copy !req
1100. I know a lot of ladies named Jenny,
they're all—Copy !req
1101. Ow.Copy !req
1102. Hey, Scotty, what's up?Copy !req
1103. Hi, Jenny.Copy !req
1104. Have you heard from Jamie?
How's he doing with Frommer?Copy !req
1105. Oh, no.Copy !req
1106. Hold on.Copy !req
1107. - Come here, robot.
- Cooper, not again.Copy !req
1108. Hold on, this should be my new roommate.Copy !req
1109. COOPER".
What's the freak look like?Copy !req
1110. Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.Copy !req
1111. Is he bigger than me?Copy !req
1112. I just got your last e-mail.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
1113. Going to college.Copy !req
1114. You're going to college here?Copy !req
1115. - What dorm?
- This one.Copy !req
1116. Room 214.Copy !req
1117. How is this possible?Copy !req
1118. I guess they thought I was a guy.Copy !req
1119. Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?Copy !req
1120. COOPER".
Do I hear kissing?Copy !req
1121. Are you making out
with your new roommate, Scotty?Copy !req
1122. Scotty?Copy !req
1123. Scotty? Scotty.Copy !req
1124. This happy ending is bullshit.Copy !req
1125. When does the fairy get laid?
I'm out of here.Copy !req
1126. - Catchy tune.
- Fucking-A, man.Copy !req
1127. Scotty doesn't know
So don't tell ScottyCopy !req
1128. Fiona says she's out shoppin'Copy !req
1129. But she's under me
And I'm not stoppin'Copy !req
1130. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1131. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1132. Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's
finest and most luxurious youth hostel.Copy !req
1133. Sounds great.Copy !req
1134. There is no bathroom,
nor is there one nearby.Copy !req
1135. Ha, ha. Sorry.Copy !req
1136. - Get it?
- She got it.Copy !req
1137. If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen...Copy !req
1138. I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.Copy !req
1139. You can also try hiding your valuables...Copy !req
1140. in your anus.Copy !req
1141. Drink?Copy !req
1142. I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, okay?Copy !req
1143. - Ha, ha.
- Ready? Quit. Shut up.Copy !req
1144. Sorry. I know I fucked it up. I fucked it up.Copy !req
1145. Yes. You take her hair,
and one strand at a time, pull it out.Copy !req
1146. Use her like a humping post.Copy !req
1147. Jenny, this is Europe.Copy !req
1148. They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.Copy !req
1149. Happy Juice. Hee-hee.Copy !req
1150. You gotta show them something
they haven't seen before.Copy !req
1151. Oh, no! Ha, ha.Copy !req
1152. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1153. Should a fire occur,
due to our faulty wiring...Copy !req
1154. or the fireworks factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated...Copy !req
1155. along with the valuables
you have hidden in your anus.Copy !req
1156. Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1157. Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers!Copy !req
1158. Go on, you Gaelic,
fucking garlic-breath tossers.Copy !req
1159. Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate!Copy !req
1160. Come on! Fucking come and have it!Copy !req
1161. You fucking beep?Copy !req
1162. We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!Copy !req
1163. Fuck off!
Go on, you French bastards!Copy !req
1164. Get on the other side
of the road, you pricks!Copy !req
1165. Go on out of it!Copy !req
1166. Fuck off!Copy !req
1167. I'm nackered.Copy !req
1168. League supporters.Copy !req
1169. Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't knowCopy !req
1170. No, wait...Copy !req
1171. Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old!Copy !req
1172. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1173. Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1174. Scotty doesn't know!Copy !req
1175. Scotty's gotta go!Copy !req
1176. - Is it off yet?
- No, keep rubbing it.Copy !req