1. - Bobby, run!Copy !req
2. Hold it! Red light!Copy !req
3. Green light!
Go!Copy !req
4. Okay, go! Let's go!Copy !req
5. Red light.Copy !req
6. Green light.Copy !req
7. Did you hear that?Copy !req
8. It came from over there.Copy !req
9. - Locked.Copy !req
10. Freeze!Copy !req
11. Oh, hi, fellas.Copy !req
12. Hi.Copy !req
13. Ernest, how many times
do I have to tell youCopy !req
14. about bank procedure?Copy !req
15. Do you realize
you could've causedCopy !req
16. a serious accident here,
perhaps even a blood bath?Copy !req
17. This man is a coiled cobra
ready to strikeCopy !req
18. at the slightest
irregularity.Copy !req
19. I'm sorry, fellas.Copy !req
20. - I-I just got to workin' on
this old polisher switch,Copy !req
21. and I just forgot.Copy !req
22. Okay.Copy !req
23. I'm gonna
let you off this timeCopy !req
24. because you're one of us
and you work at the bank.Copy !req
25. Yeah.Copy !req
26. But I won't always have
this job.Copy !req
27. Someday I'll be able to wield
the financial muscleCopy !req
28. of this institution.Copy !req
29. I'll be able to
move assets aroundCopy !req
30. like chessmen
on a financial chessboard.Copy !req
31. Someday corporate managers will
shudder in their wingtipsCopy !req
32. at my approach,
for I will be... a bank clerk.Copy !req
33. - Aah!Copy !req
34. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
35. A- A-A-A-A-Ah!Copy !req
36. Aah! Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
37. Bob, I'm sick of this
police band.Copy !req
38. Let's listen to something
with kick to it!Copy !req
39. Yeah!Copy !req
40. Help! Chuck!Copy !req
41. Ouch! Aah!Copy !req
42. Oh!Copy !req
43. It won't turn off!Copy !req
44. Help! Help! Help!Copy !req
45. Aah!Copy !req
46. Stop! Stop!Copy !req
47. Huh?Copy !req
48. Whoa!Copy !req
49. You can't go up
the wa-a-a-a-ll!Copy !req
50. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
51. Aah!Copy !req
52. Aah!Copy !req
53. Uh...Copy !req
54. Huh?Copy !req
55. Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!Copy !req
56. Uh! Uh! Uh!Copy !req
57. Yaa! Yaa!Copy !req
58. Uh! Uh! Uh!
Yaa! Yaa!Copy !req
59. Aaaaah!Copy !req
60. Ah heh heh heh heh heh.Copy !req
61. Huh?Copy !req
62. What?Copy !req
63. Uh!Copy !req
64. My hands are stuck!
I'm doomed!Copy !req
65. Aah!Copy !req
66. Security check five.Copy !req
67. No problem.Copy !req
68. There has been a breach
in security.Copy !req
69. All prisoners,
return to your cellblocks.Copy !req
70. Hey, you!Copy !req
71. Mr. Nash,
you got to help me.Copy !req
72. I just killed a guy.Copy !req
73. What about it?
You got to help me!Copy !req
74. I help no one who
can't help me.Copy !req
75. Its your mess, Rubin.Copy !req
76. You clean it up.Copy !req
77. Mr. Nash, you...Copy !req
78. you got to do something!Copy !req
79. Help me!Copy !req
80. Good morning, Frank.Copy !req
81. Morning, Chuck.Copy !req
82. Did you have a problem
last night?Copy !req
83. N-Nothing we couldn't handle.Copy !req
84. Oh.Copy !req
85. Not again today.Copy !req
86. You might as well go ahead
and, uh, show him some kind
of I.D., Miss Sparrow.Copy !req
87. I have to,
and I'm his brother.Copy !req
88. What in the Sam Hill
do you think you're doin'?Copy !req
89. Ernest?Copy !req
90. Ernest!Copy !req
91. Oh.Copy !req
92. What happened?Copy !req
93. Uh... uh, I-I was just
guardin' the money...Copy !req
94. you know,
bein' extra careful, uh,
walkin' that extra mile.Copy !req
95. Ernest, this is the biggest
mess you've ever made.Copy !req
96. If Mr. Pendlesmythe
sees this...Copy !req
97. It wasn't my fault.Copy !req
98. They followed me in here.
It was awful.Copy !req
99. You can't imagine...
especially these two.Copy !req
100. Ernest, whatever happened,
you've got to clean it up now.
Come on. I'll help you.Copy !req
101. Did you read those books
that I gave you?Copy !req
102. I tried, but
they were real tough.Copy !req
103. There weren't any pictures,
and the print was real small.Copy !req
104. Ernest, you've got to work hard
if you want to get ahead.Copy !req
105. I know,
but I get discouraged.Copy !req
106. And besides,
Mr. Pendlesmythe's not gonna
give me a chance.Copy !req
107. Ernest, you got to
believe in yourself.Copy !req
108. Y-You've got to have
faith in the system.Copy !req
109. You're right, Charlotte.Copy !req
110. After all,
I am Ernest P. Worrell,Copy !req
111. an upwardly mobile American
at his best,Copy !req
112. and I know that
if I pay my taxes, bathe,Copy !req
113. and floss regularly,Copy !req
114. I will ascend the ladder
of success, hand over foot.Copy !req
115. Ernest, do you think
the floor needs a polish?Copy !req
116. Come on. Walk this way.
Come on.Copy !req
117. Two minutes for me,
man.Copy !req
118. Attention to cellblock...Copy !req
119. exercise time is over
in five minutes.Copy !req
120. Today's your deadline,
Eddie.Copy !req
121. I want that money
you owe me.Copy !req
122. I'm sorry, Mr. Nash.Copy !req
123. I just need
a little more time.Copy !req
124. Not good enough,
Eddie.Copy !req
125. Lyle...Copy !req
126. See if you can help Eddie
with his attitude.Copy !req
127. I'll get it for you.
I swear.Copy !req
128. Oh, I know that, Eddie.Copy !req
129. The question is when.Copy !req
130. Tomorrow...
I'll get it for you tomorrow.Copy !req
131. Today's your deadline.
I hate to encourage tardiness.Copy !req
132. Please...
I'll get it for you tonight.Copy !req
133. I swear.Copy !req
134. See that you do, Eddie.Copy !req
135. See that you do.Copy !req
136. There.
All cleaned up.Copy !req
137. That should pass
Mr. Pendlesmythe's inspection.Copy !req
138. Right you are, Charlotte.Copy !req
139. And Mr. Poodlesmurf is lucky
to have me on his team.Copy !req
140. As a matter of fact,
one of these days,Copy !req
141. I'm gonna walk
into that office,
and I'm gonna say...Copy !req
142. - "Oscar, babe..."
- What?Copy !req
143. Uh, good morning,
Mr. Puddlesmoot...Copy !req
144. Smiddlepit...
Smooglepoot...Copy !req
145. Pendlesmythe,
you idiot!Copy !req
146. Uh, yes, sir.Copy !req
147. Can't you get anything
right?Copy !req
148. Why are you
such a screw-up?Copy !req
149. Ernest, you've got to be
more careful.Copy !req
150. I know.Copy !req
151. I'll never get to be
a clerk.Copy !req
152. I'll be lucky if they let me
stay on as a janitor,Copy !req
153. know what I mean?Copy !req
154. Hey, maybe I can help you
with that promotion.Copy !req
155. All you need
is a little more
self-confidence.Copy !req
156. You're right,
Charlotte. I need to
think more positive.Copy !req
157. I need to think...
I'll get that job.Copy !req
158. Why, that man is putty
in my fingers.Copy !req
159. I'm just toyin' with him
now,Copy !req
160. like a kitten
with a June bug.Copy !req
161. I was just thinking
that, uh,Copy !req
162. - Yeah, like a...
- since you're not working
tomorrowCopy !req
163. that maybe we could get
together,Copy !req
164. talk about the job,
maybe have dinner.Copy !req
165. - Dinner?Copy !req
166. Did you say "dinner"...
like just the two of usCopy !req
167. in the same town
on the same day
in the same restaurant,Copy !req
168. possibly
at the same table?Copy !req
169. Well, yes, but...
just as friends, right?Copy !req
170. I mean just as friends.
I mean, we'll get together,
we'll talk about the job.Copy !req
171. I can give you
some, uh, insightsCopy !req
172. based upon my experience.Copy !req
173. Experience.Copy !req
174. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
175. Well, I suggest you bring
your willpower, young woman.Copy !req
176. Be forewarned... the
Worrell charm is merciless.Copy !req
177. Oh, sure, Charlotte.Copy !req
178. You just want to show me...
the ropes.Copy !req
179. You just want to give me
a leg up to the bottom rungCopy !req
180. of that little ladder
called "success."Copy !req
181. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
182. Come on, Rimshot.Copy !req
183. We have to choose
just the right ensemble.Copy !req
184. No.
Too formal for dinner.Copy !req
185. Ah, the perfect choice...Copy !req
186. European styling with
a decidedly American flair.Copy !req
187. Charlotte has more
than a professional interestCopy !req
188. in yours truly.Copy !req
189. And who can blame her?Copy !req
190. I've never understoodCopy !req
191. why I have such a profound
effect on women,Copy !req
192. but why argue with success?Copy !req
193. Yeah, I'm a man who has just
found his parking spaceCopy !req
194. in the fast lane.Copy !req
195. Who knows what lies ahead
for such a man?Copy !req
196. Aah-aah-aah-aah!Copy !req
197. Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!Copy !req
198. - Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!Copy !req
199. Aah-aah-aah!Copy !req
200. Ahhhhhh...Copy !req
201. Wh-o-o-o-oa! Uh!Copy !req
202. Well, there's my problem
right there.Copy !req
203. Looks like this little wire's
got a little sh...Copy !req
204. hhhhhhhhhhhhh...Copy !req
205. ort in it.Copy !req
206. Gosh! Not again.Copy !req
207. Oh!Copy !req
208. Bonsoir.
Dinner for two?Copy !req
209. Right.Copy !req
210. I'll be your waiter
this evening.Copy !req
211. You may call me Philippe.Copy !req
212. I'll just give you a moment
to look over your menu.Copy !req
213. I had a long talk
with Mr. Pendlesmythe today.Copy !req
214. - It took a lot of convincing,Copy !req
215. but he agreed to accept
your applicationCopy !req
216. for the clerk's job.Copy !req
217. He did?Copy !req
218. - But the thing is...Copy !req
219. y-you've got to be
more careful.Copy !req
220. I just know
I can win him over.Copy !req
221. We'll have that little talk
around the old water coolerCopy !req
222. about... team sports
and transmissions,Copy !req
223. jock itch... things
that just guys talk about,
know what I mean?Copy !req
224. I'll have him eatin'Copy !req
225. - Right out of
the palm of my hand.Copy !req
226. I know that it's hard,
Ernest,Copy !req
227. - But Mr. Pendlesmythe
can't stand mistakes.Copy !req
228. And between you and I,
I don't think he can
stand people, either.Copy !req
229. Oh, that's okay.
I'm not like other people,
know what I mean?Copy !req
230. Frankly, Ernest,Copy !req
231. I don't even know
why you want the job.Copy !req
232. I mean, he's a horrible man
to work for.Copy !req
233. At least
where you are now,Copy !req
234. you only have to see him
once a day.Copy !req
235. Want to hear something
really funny?Copy !req
236. - I thought I was gonna
get promotedCopy !req
237. to branch manager
this time last year.Copy !req
238. What a laugh, huh?Copy !req
239. Y-Yeah, but did you hear the one
about the 3-legged dogCopy !req
240. - That walked
into the saloon and said,Copy !req
241. "I'm lookin' for the guy
that shot my 'paw"'?
[Pa]Copy !req
242. Ah heh heh heh heh.Copy !req
243. Ernest, this is fun.Copy !req
244. I mean, you're pretty
good company.Copy !req
245. I come from a long line
of bon vivants.Copy !req
246. We're known for
our charm, wit,Copy !req
247. and sparkling
dinner conversation,
know what I mean?Copy !req
248. - Ernest?Copy !req
249. Ernest,
are you all right?Copy !req
250. I recommend the lobster.
Ah heh heh. Ah heh heh heh.Copy !req
251. Sir.Copy !req
252. There he is.Copy !req
253. Hey, warden,
we don't come to your house.Copy !req
254. Open C-12.Copy !req
255. Well, well, well.Copy !req
256. If it isn't the infamous
Mr. Nash.Copy !req
257. My sources tell me
that you and your guard dogCopy !req
258. got in some trouble yesterday
down in the weight room.Copy !req
259. Just mindin'
my own business, warden,Copy !req
260. somethin' you might want
to try sometime.Copy !req
261. Now, you can make things
easy on yourself,Copy !req
262. or you can make 'em hard.Copy !req
263. It's up to you.Copy !req
264. You hear me, Nash?Copy !req
265. Yeah, I hear you, warden.Copy !req
266. Now you hear me.Copy !req
267. When you step out
of that cozy little office,Copy !req
268. you're on my turf.Copy !req
269. And if I were you,
I would watch my step.Copy !req
270. If that's a threat,
it's a weak one.Copy !req
271. Your day's comin'
real soon, Nash...Copy !req
272. and we both know it.Copy !req
273. Close C-12.Copy !req
274. I've got to get out
of this place.Copy !req
275. Ernest, you wouldn't believeCopy !req
276. the new security system
we have for the van...Copy !req
277. maximum protection
and minimum carnage...Copy !req
278. And three levels of power!Copy !req
279. Ernest, I...Copy !req
280. Thanks, Chuck.
Thanks, Bobby.Copy !req
281. I'm not finished talkin'
to you about this!Copy !req
282. This is really neat!Copy !req
283. Here, Rimshot.Copy !req
284. - Here, boy.Copy !req
285. That's a good boy.
How you been?Copy !req
286. Miss your daddy?Copy !req
287. Good boy.Copy !req
288. Let's see what we got
in the mail.Copy !req
289. All right!Copy !req
290. Down you go.Copy !req
291. Wow!Copy !req
292. This is great!
I don't believe it!Copy !req
293. Jury duty!Copy !req
294. Look, Rimshot!
I've been chosen for jury duty!Copy !req
295. This is great!Copy !req
296. Chuck!Copy !req
297. Bobby!Copy !req
298. Chuck! Bobby!Copy !req
299. Alley-oop.Copy !req
300. Uh-oh.Copy !req
301. I hate this minefield.Copy !req
302. It's a miracle!
I'm so happy! I'm ecstatic!Copy !req
303. Uh, uh,
it's a dream come true!Copy !req
304. Chuck, Bobby, guess what!Copy !req
305. Ernest, you're in the line
of fire! Move it!Copy !req
306. Go! Pick 'em up, put 'em down!
Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
307. I hate this part!Copy !req
308. - Ow!Copy !req
309. I'm the luckiest guy
in the whole world.Copy !req
310. They chose me.Copy !req
311. Out of hundreds of thousands
of other people,Copy !req
312. they chose me for
United States jury duty.Copy !req
313. - Isn't that great?Copy !req
314. - Yeah, great.Copy !req
315. Bobby, soup's on!Copy !req
316. I mean, the
opportunity to decide...Copy !req
317. right or wrong,
good or evil,Copy !req
318. regular or unleaded,Copy !req
319. to hold a man's life
in the palm of my hand
and decide,Copy !req
320. "Should I crush it...
or allow it to go freeCopy !req
321. like a bird
on the wings of time?"Copy !req
322. Burn him.Copy !req
323. Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,Copy !req
324. one of the most precious
guarantees in our ConstitutionCopy !req
325. is that of a fair trial.Copy !req
326. Every defendant has the right
to one.Copy !req
327. This defendant is no exception.Copy !req
328. It is you who must decide
his case, not I.Copy !req
329. You must weigh the evidence
carefully.Copy !req
330. Counselor, you may proceed.Copy !req
331. Thank you, your honor.Copy !req
332. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
333. the state will prove that
the defendant, Rubin Bartlett,Copy !req
334. who is a known henchman
of the notorious crime czarCopy !req
335. and bank robber
Felix Nash,Copy !req
336. did, in fact, murderCopy !req
337. - A fellow prisoner
while in jail.Copy !req
338. And for this,
the state asks that you extendCopy !req
339. his remaining time
of five monthsCopy !req
340. into a sentence of life
without parole.Copy !req
341. Ladies and gentlemen,
the defense will showCopy !req
342. that the deceased was not
killed by my client.Copy !req
343. In fact,
he wasn't killed by anyone.Copy !req
344. He died as the result
of a tragic accident,Copy !req
345. when,
in a poorly lit stairwell,Copy !req
346. he tripped over
an inadequately placed railingCopy !req
347. and plunged, regrettably,
to his death.Copy !req
348. If there is a guilty party
in this case,Copy !req
349. it must surely be
the system,Copy !req
350. to allow such unsafe
conditions to exist.Copy !req
351. Once you've heard the evidence,
I'm sure you'll agree with meCopy !req
352. that the charges against
my client, Mr. Bartlett,Copy !req
353. are completely spurious,Copy !req
354. and that you will find him...
not guilty.Copy !req
355. Ah heh heh heh.Copy !req
356. Excuse me, sir.
Are you all right?Copy !req
357. Uh, just fine, thank you.Copy !req
358. This guy looks
exactly the same as Nash.Copy !req
359. Are you crazy?
I...Copy !req
360. look, the guy's perfect.
It's downright uncanny.Copy !req
361. We can't just...Copy !req
362. It'll work.
It will.Copy !req
363. Your honor... to allow the juryCopy !req
364. to fully understand
the case for the defense,Copy !req
365. we feel as though
it's imperativeCopy !req
366. that they see
the environmentCopy !req
367. within which this
unfortunate accident occurred.Copy !req
368. Therefore, we move that
these proceedings be continuedCopy !req
369. to the site
of the alleged crime.Copy !req
370. Well, I find this request
highly irregular.Copy !req
371. However, if the prosecution
has no objections...Copy !req
372. Uh,
no objections, your honor.Copy !req
373. So be it.Copy !req
374. These proceedings will reconvene
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. At the
Dracup Correctional Facility.Copy !req
375. Oh, boy!Copy !req
376. A field trip!Copy !req
377. I'm telling you...
this guy is right on
the numbers.Copy !req
378. It's so simple.Copy !req
379. Towel.Copy !req
380. We make the switch,Copy !req
381. you get in on the jury
and find me innocent,Copy !req
382. then you walk away
a free man,Copy !req
383. and I make sure
this guy Ernest gets
what's coming to you.Copy !req
384. In and out...Copy !req
385. wham, bam...
and it's over.Copy !req
386. Yeah.Copy !req
387. I'm a real big fan
of the early release program.Copy !req
388. I would like to thank
the members of the juryCopy !req
389. for bearing with us.Copy !req
390. Dracup Prison is...Copy !req
391. Okay, Lyle, we got one shot
at this, so make it count.Copy !req
392. there are those
that must endure its reality.Copy !req
393. So, what we are here
to talk about today...Copy !req
394. is death... horrible...Copy !req
395. frightening,
something to be avoided.Copy !req
396. But is death murder?Copy !req
397. Is murder death?Copy !req
398. I think not.Copy !req
399. And yet, though we must feel
some sympathy for the victim,Copy !req
400. we cannot...Copy !req
401. Psst!Copy !req
402. By wrongfully accusing...Copy !req
403. And that, ladies and gentlemen,
is exactly what...Copy !req
404. The state has made no case.Copy !req
405. Psst!Copy !req
406. They've presented
no compelling evidence.Copy !req
407. Come here, you.Copy !req
408. Why? Because there is none...Copy !req
409. Am I me?Copy !req
410. Come here.Copy !req
411. Huh?Copy !req
412. We don't dispute that.Copy !req
413. Of course, all of us,
as reasonable human beings,Copy !req
414. mourn them...Copy !req
415. Ugh!Copy !req
416. Certainly...Copy !req
417. Hurry up, Lyle.Copy !req
418. And keeping this in mind,Copy !req
419. I would like to move these
proceedings to the staircase...Copy !req
420. Right this way,
please.Copy !req
421. Heh heh heh.Copy !req
422. All right, Rubin,
let's go.Copy !req
423. Nash! Wake up!Copy !req
424. No napping
during exercise period.Copy !req
425. No talking.Copy !req
426. Yes, sir, officer,
whatever you say.Copy !req
427. Boy, this is great!Copy !req
428. A brief workout
to gather our thoughts,Copy !req
429. then it's off to
the jury room to decide...Copy !req
430. very ingenious.Copy !req
431. And they even gave us
these nifty workout clothes.Copy !req
432. Boy, I love jury duty,
don't you?Copy !req
433. Whatever you say,
Mr. Nash.Copy !req
434. Oh, you don't have to be
so formal.Copy !req
435. You can just call me Ernest,
Ernest P. Worrell.Copy !req
436. Hey! You know the rules.
No talking.Copy !req
437. Yes, sir.Copy !req
438. Kind of strict,
aren't they?Copy !req
439. Cellblock B-29,
move to the left.Copy !req
440. The rest of you, move...Copy !req
441. Man ♪2: "C" to the left,
"D" to the right.Copy !req
442. Ah, lunch...
how thoughtful.Copy !req
443. For the mind to work,
the body must have fuel.Copy !req
444. A lot of jurors here today.Copy !req
445. There must be
a lot of trials going on...Copy !req
446. a sad commentary
on our disintegrating society,Copy !req
447. know what I mean?Copy !req
448. All right,
brace it up.Copy !req
449. Oh, uh, I don't think
our table has any steak sauce.Copy !req
450. Get up!Copy !req
451. I-I'm sorry.
Where are my manners?Copy !req
452. I should have waited
for the others.Copy !req
453. Eat, greaseball!Copy !req
454. I didn't order greaseball.Copy !req
455. Wrap it up.
Wrap it up.Copy !req
456. All right,
stand to the back.Copy !req
457. Backs against the wall.Copy !req
458. Open up "C" block.Copy !req
459. - All right,
let's move it!Copy !req
460. Come on, come on,
come on, let's go.Copy !req
461. We're sequestered,Copy !req
462. a- and on top of that,
we can't even leave.Copy !req
463. Oh, this is great.
This is just great.Copy !req
464. Uh!Copy !req
465. I hope you've got a good
story to tell my boss.Copy !req
466. After all, I do have
a living to earn.Copy !req
467. Now, look, Nash...Copy !req
468. My name is Worrell,
Ernest P. Worrell.Copy !req
469. Oh, Mr. Funny Man, huh?Copy !req
470. Yeah, Mr. Funny Man,
you'll think funnyCopy !req
471. when you're tapping
to the tune of 220, son!Copy !req
472. That is
the rudest bailiffCopy !req
473. I have ever seen
in my life.Copy !req
474. Ugh!Copy !req
475. - Oh!Copy !req
476. Wait a minute.Copy !req
477. - Ooh! Oh!Copy !req
478. Hey, come on,
knock it off!Copy !req
479. You're that guy.Copy !req
480. Bailiff! Bailiff!Copy !req
481. You're in big trouble
now, pal.Copy !req
482. Bailiff!Copy !req
483. What is it, Nash?Copy !req
484. You see that guy?Copy !req
485. Yeah. So?Copy !req
486. No, I mean look...
look at him.Copy !req
487. - Come closer. Look.Copy !req
488. You see that guy?
He's not on the jury.Copy !req
489. This man is a prisoner.Copy !req
490. I ought to
throw you in the hole
for that, Nash!Copy !req
491. - The hole?
- Yeah, the hole!Copy !req
492. The hole, like...
like in solitary, the hole...Copy !req
493. like in real prison,
like in real,Copy !req
494. really, really, really,
really, really real prison?Copy !req
495. The hoosegow, the slammer,
the joint,Copy !req
496. Alcatraz, San Quentin,
Sing Sing...Copy !req
497. Oh, no, I... I'm in...
I'm in...Copy !req
498. jai-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-I!Copy !req
499. Jail!Copy !req
500. Ha ha ha ha ha.Copy !req
501. Your honor, we have
reached a decision.Copy !req
502. We find the defendant,
Rubin Bartlett, not guilty.Copy !req
503. Have you... carefully weighed
the evidence?Copy !req
504. Yes, we have,
your honor.Copy !req
505. The defendant,
found not guilty,Copy !req
506. will return
to the state penitentiary,Copy !req
507. where he will complete
his previous sentence.Copy !req
508. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
509. Good night.Copy !req
510. Let's go!Copy !req
511. Ernest,
we're late for work,Copy !req
512. and Mr. P. Does not
appreciate tardiness.Copy !req
513. So, how'd it go,
Mr. Juror?Copy !req
514. Now, on to the real
important question...Copy !req
515. how did your date go?Copy !req
516. Oh, we had a nice time.Copy !req
517. Nice time?Copy !req
518. Now, what's the deal
with the hair?Copy !req
519. You bringing
the wet look back?Copy !req
520. I'm just trying
something new.Copy !req
521. Oh. Where's your, uh,
where's your sky piece,Copy !req
522. you know, your lid,
your brown cap?Copy !req
523. I never see you
without that brown cap.Copy !req
524. I must've lost it
somewhere.Copy !req
525. Bobby...Copy !req
526. there's something
bad wrong here.Copy !req
527. This guy...Copy !req
528. This guy...Copy !req
529. is in love... L-U-V!Copy !req
530. Ernest is in love!
Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
531. Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
532. Ernest, you're not
gonna believe this,Copy !req
533. but we have a new security
system at the bank.Copy !req
534. A bank?
I work in a bank?Copy !req
535. Let's go!Copy !req
536. Close "C" block.Copy !req
537. Look, look, I tell you...
I'm not this guy Nash.Copy !req
538. If you're not Mr. Nash,
how come you look like him?Copy !req
539. Because he's obviously
a very attractive criminal.Copy !req
540. Yeah,
that's right, too.Copy !req
541. Lyle, tell him who I am.Copy !req
542. Hey, Mr. Nash,
did he fall for it?Copy !req
543. That's real funny,
Mr. Nash.Copy !req
544. Open up C-12.Copy !req
545. Did you miss me,
Mr. Nash?Copy !req
546. Close it up.Copy !req
547. You! You know
I'm not Nash.Copy !req
548. Of course you are...Copy !req
549. Ernest.Copy !req
550. You've got nothing
to worry about.Copy !req
551. I'll make sure
this thing playsCopy !req
552. just the way
we laid it out.Copy !req
553. Just make sure
everything stays
in line on your end.Copy !req
554. I've got another deal
working here,Copy !req
555. and there'll be
a cut in it for you.Copy !req
556. That idiot
you switched me forCopy !req
557. has a job in a bank.Copy !req
558. I don't believe it.Copy !req
559. Sometimes the cards
just fall your way.Copy !req
560. Yeah.Copy !req
561. You just make sure
nobody figures out
that idiot isn't me.Copy !req
562. Listen, little man,Copy !req
563. you've pushed me
as far as you're going to.Copy !req
564. I've got
some big things riding,Copy !req
565. and if you know
what's good for you,Copy !req
566. you'll play ball.Copy !req
567. O-Oh, great!
What position?Copy !req
568. You do like we say,Copy !req
569. or Lyle here
will break your back...Copy !req
570. - Like that.Copy !req
571. Well, then he'll just
have to break my backCopy !req
572. like... like that thing
you guys did.Copy !req
573. Real men
are not intimidatedCopy !req
574. by physical threats against
their personal selves,Copy !req
575. and ironically,
neither am I.Copy !req
576. What about violence
against other people?Copy !req
577. What do you mean?Copy !req
578. I mean, while you're being
Mr. Nash in here,Copy !req
579. Mr. Nash is being you
out there.Copy !req
580. Yeah,
he's living your life,Copy !req
581. working at your job
at the bank,Copy !req
582. hanging out
with your friends,Copy !req
583. and if you don't behave,Copy !req
584. he may have to get
very strictCopy !req
585. with someone
you really care about.Copy !req
586. Charlotte? No!Copy !req
587. That your girl?Copy !req
588. Well, sort of.Copy !req
589. Well, she's gonna
"sort of" be deadCopy !req
590. if you don't play along.Copy !req
591. You lay one finger
on her, and I'll...Copy !req
592. Hey, relax.Copy !req
593. She'll be all right
as long as you behave.Copy !req
594. Okay,
what do I have to do?Copy !req
595. You've got to be Nash.Copy !req
596. Okay, Lyle, this guy Nash,
he's a tough guy, right,Copy !req
597. he's a gangster.Copy !req
598. Okay, how about this?Copy !req
599. You dirty rat,Copy !req
600. you're the guy
that shot my brother,Copy !req
601. and I'm the guy
that's gonna shoot you.Copy !req
602. Y-You dirty rat,Copy !req
603. y-you're the guy
that, eh, eh, shot my brother,Copy !req
604. and I'm the guy
that's gonna shoot you...Copy !req
605. every goddang one of you.Copy !req
606. Too old, huh?Copy !req
607. Hey, yo, Murdock,Copy !req
608. you're the guy
that shot my brother, right,Copy !req
609. and I'm the guy
that's gonna shoot you, eh?Copy !req
610. All right.Copy !req
611. Of all the gin jointsCopy !req
612. in all the cities
in all the world,Copy !req
613. you've got to waltz into
my place and shoot my brother.Copy !req
614. Play it, Sam.Copy !req
615. The piano
will cover up the shot.Copy !req
616. Why, you dirty rat,Copy !req
617. you're the guy
that shot my brother,Copy !req
618. and I'm the guy
that's gonna shoot you.Copy !req
619. Why, you're the dirty,
scum-suckin' pig dogCopy !req
620. that shot my brother...Copy !req
621. And I'm the manCopy !req
622. who's going to destroy you...Copy !req
623. 'Cause
I'm just that kind of guy.Copy !req
624. How 'bout that?Copy !req
625. Hey, what are you
doing here?Copy !req
626. Uh, oh, I was just, uh...Copy !req
627. Well, at least
you're not in the vault.Copy !req
628. What would I be doing
in the vault?Copy !req
629. Who knows why you're there
every morning?Copy !req
630. Yeah, right.Copy !req
631. Well, how do I get in there,
you suppose?Copy !req
632. I don't know.Copy !req
633. Hey, what's the matter
with your voice?
You sound different.Copy !req
634. Oh,
I've got a little laryngitis.Copy !req
635. Hmm, I'm sorry.Copy !req
636. Hey, I wouldn't let
Mr. PendlesmytheCopy !req
637. catch me in his chair
if I were you,Copy !req
638. and I'd get my feet
off his deskCopy !req
639. because you know how he feels
about his famous golf trophy.Copy !req
640. Yeah.Copy !req
641. You know, by the way,Copy !req
642. I had a real nice time
the other night.Copy !req
643. I think it was
really good for meCopy !req
644. to just get away from work
and just have some fun.Copy !req
645. Yeah, I had a nice time,
too, baby.Copy !req
646. "Baby"?Copy !req
647. Ernest, sometimes
you can be so weird.Copy !req
648. Good morning,
Miss Sparrow.Copy !req
649. Good morning.Copy !req
650. And what are we doingCopy !req
651. behind the bank
president's desk?Copy !req
652. I was just gonna
leave you a note.Copy !req
653. About what?Copy !req
654. About, um...Copy !req
655. Uh, Ernest wants to
formally applyCopy !req
656. for that clerk's job.Copy !req
657. Yeah, yeah, that's it.Copy !req
658. Ha. I see...
Ernest the clerk.Copy !req
659. Hmm. What a great idea.Copy !req
660. Well, now you don't have to
leave a note, do you?Copy !req
661. So get out from there!Copy !req
662. What's the matter
with your hair?Copy !req
663. Is that some sort
of punk thing, huh?Copy !req
664. I was just trying
something new.Copy !req
665. Just look at you.Copy !req
666. You are a poor excuse for
a member of the human race.Copy !req
667. You and that big nose
and ugly faceCopy !req
668. have caused so much trouble
around here,Copy !req
669. I should be given a medal
for tolerating you.Copy !req
670. I would choose my words
differently if I were you.Copy !req
671. Oh? Should I use
smaller ones?Copy !req
672. How 'bout this?Copy !req
673. No!Copy !req
674. Now get out of my office,
both of you!Copy !req
675. Oh, I'm sorry, Ernest.Copy !req
676. He promised he wasn't
gonna do that.Copy !req
677. Well... well, who cares
what he thinks anyway?Copy !req
678. I'm really proud of you
for trying.Copy !req
679. I mean, you're starting
to take stock of yourself.Copy !req
680. When you were in there
talking to Mr. Pendlesmythe,Copy !req
681. it was as if you were
a whole different person.Copy !req
682. What do you mean?Copy !req
683. Well, I-I mean
that I'm proud of you.Copy !req
684. Ernest,
do you have any ideaCopy !req
685. how long you've made
me and Bobby wait in that van?Copy !req
686. 7.5 minutes.Copy !req
687. I want to tell you
something about time.Copy !req
688. My time is worth money,Copy !req
689. and I don't think you
make that kind of moneyCopy !req
690. to pay me for my time.Copy !req
691. Now, let's put
the hammer down.Copy !req
692. Okay, today will be
your first test as Mr. Nash.Copy !req
693. Don't worry, fellas,Copy !req
694. you are talking
to a consummate actor,Copy !req
695. a brilliant interpreter
of character and nuance,Copy !req
696. a professional practitionerCopy !req
697. in the style and method
of the great Stradivarius.Copy !req
698. Bring the sheets
back over in the corner.Copy !req
699. Just pile them up.Copy !req
700. Yeah, just throw 'em
anywhere.Copy !req
701. Man ♪2: Hey, Jesus, don't
overstuff the machine again.Copy !req
702. Man ♪3: Hey, Bill, we need
more starch over here.Copy !req
703. Man ♪4: All right,
come on.Copy !req
704. You got something
on your shirt?Copy !req
705. Ah heh heh heh heh.Copy !req
706. Today's the day, Nash.
My boy's ready.Copy !req
707. Not now, Vinny.Copy !req
708. Mr. Nash doesn't have
anything to prove.Copy !req
709. Everybody's waiting.Copy !req
710. You're not gonna
chicken out now, are you?Copy !req
711. I don't know the meaning
of the word "chicken."Copy !req
712. If you lose
this one, Nash,Copy !req
713. we're gonna run things.Copy !req
714. I know you've
never lost, Nash... yet,Copy !req
715. but my man Spider here
is gonna change all that.Copy !req
716. Okay?Copy !req
717. - Go!
- Grrr!Copy !req
718. Wait a minute!Copy !req
719. I wasn't even ready!
That's not fair!Copy !req
720. Listen,
where I come from, mister,Copy !req
721. you're supposed to say,
"Ready, set, go."Copy !req
722. That's the official way,
and I want a rematch.Copy !req
723. Nash, you're a glutton
for punishment.Copy !req
724. You're in
way over your head, man.Copy !req
725. They're gonna
figure you out.Copy !req
726. He was just lucky.
I can take this guy.Copy !req
727. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
728. Ready... set...Copy !req
729. go!Copy !req
730. Come on, man!
Come on, baby!Copy !req
731. Come on, Spider!Copy !req
732. Come on, baby!Copy !req
733. Come on, Spider!
Come on, man!Copy !req
734. Right there, right there,
right there!Copy !req
735. Come on, Spider.
Come on, baby.Copy !req
736. Smoke?Copy !req
737. Aw, man!Copy !req
738. That was close.Copy !req
739. Next case.Copy !req
740. Man, why don't you
shut your mouth?Copy !req
741. The real Mr. Nash
don't say much.Copy !req
742. Well, maybe
he ought to, right?Copy !req
743. I mean, after all, I'm just
reaching for the character.Copy !req
744. What do you know
about the painCopy !req
745. an actor
must go through...Copy !req
746. You straighten up,
or I'll show you pain,Copy !req
747. and don't you forgetCopy !req
748. your loved ones
on the outside.Copy !req
749. Ernest, Ernest,
we're sorry.Copy !req
750. Bobby didn't know
the mace can was loaded.Copy !req
751. Bobby, how many times
do I have to tell you...Copy !req
752. - Yuh! Get off me,
you mutt!Copy !req
753. Get out of here!Copy !req
754. This is pathetic.Copy !req
755. This guy's better off
in jail.Copy !req
756. Whoa! Ugh!Copy !req
757. Ugh!Copy !req
758. Oof!Copy !req
759. Eee!Copy !req
760. I will effect my escape
using a bar of soap,Copy !req
761. a common, ordinary
household spoon,Copy !req
762. and a tin of shoe polish.Copy !req
763. Thank goodness
I paid attention in art class.Copy !req
764. Don't worry, Charlotte,
I'll save you.Copy !req
765. Your hero is on his way.Copy !req
766. Hey, screw!Copy !req
767. Yeah, you!Copy !req
768. Come here!Copy !req
769. What now, Nash?Copy !req
770. Open the door
or I'll waste ya.Copy !req
771. Ah heh heh heh heh.Copy !req
772. Assault rifle on a rope,
the perfect giftCopy !req
773. for the mercenary
who has everything.Copy !req
774. Ah ha ha ha ha.
Ah ha.Copy !req
775. Shut up!Copy !req
776. Mr. P.!Copy !req
777. Mr. P., could I have
just one momentCopy !req
778. of your time, sir,
please?Copy !req
779. I want to introduce you
to our latest arsenalCopy !req
780. in the war against crime.Copy !req
781. Look...Copy !req
782. Eh! Mr. P.,
it's very, very special.Copy !req
783. Well... all right,
but I'm late for dinner.Copy !req
784. Great. You'll eat.Copy !req
785. Just follow me,
please, sir.Copy !req
786. Okay, can I have you
here, please? Thank you.Copy !req
787. You won't be needing this.
Let's... let's go.Copy !req
788. Lets open up.
Open up. Thank you.Copy !req
789. Bobby...Copy !req
790. Please.Copy !req
791. Mr. P., do you have
that funny, little acidy tasteCopy !req
792. in the back of your throat...
like that?Copy !req
793. Uh-huh.Copy !req
794. Can you taste it?
Do you know what that is?Copy !req
795. Unh-unh.Copy !req
796. Fear.Copy !req
797. That's what your common,
class-X criminalCopy !req
798. would be feeling
at this momentCopy !req
799. if he were in your situation.Copy !req
800. - Oh.
- Bobby...Copy !req
801. it's only a simulation.Copy !req
802. - I don't think I'd touch
those bars, Mr. P.,Copy !req
803. unless you want
200,000 volts of electricityCopy !req
804. jolting through your body.Copy !req
805. Think about that.Copy !req
806. Bobby...Copy !req
807. Mr. P., uh, have a nice dinnerCopy !req
808. and a... and a good
nights sleep... sir.Copy !req
809. Eh, he's had
a real hard day.Copy !req
810. Don't worry, Charlotte,Copy !req
811. I'll soon be flying
into your armsCopy !req
812. with my superior knowledge
of mathematics and geometry.Copy !req
813. The square root and angle
of your lower hypotenuseCopy !req
814. times the angle of your pi...
and that sort of thing.Copy !req
815. Let the countdown begin.Copy !req
816. 3... 2... 11/2...Copy !req
817. 1... 3/4...Copy !req
818. zero... fire!Copy !req
819. Whaaaaa!Copy !req
820. You see, casting
is all in the wrist.Copy !req
821. Its a sport of kings,Copy !req
822. a game of inches.Copy !req
823. And as soon as your game fish
takes the bait,Copy !req
824. 'tis important
to give the line a sharp tug
in order to set the hook,Copy !req
825. and then quickly reel it in.Copy !req
826. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
827. Ah heh heh heh heh heh.Copy !req
828. I was gonna throw it back,
honest.Copy !req
829. Nooo!Copy !req
830. That ought to hold ya.Copy !req
831. Don't you have anything
in a pastel blue?Copy !req
832. Accessories
are so important.Copy !req
833. - Accessories!Copy !req
834. The way they run
this institution is an outrageCopy !req
835. for a poor, tired, old,
lonely woman like me,Copy !req
836. her only son a felon,Copy !req
837. though not a terribly
successful one.Copy !req
838. Young man...Copy !req
839. Young man.Copy !req
840. Young man, could you please
open that gate?Copy !req
841. I left my car running
outside.Copy !req
842. Ma'am, can you tell me how
you got through this gate?Copy !req
843. The visitors' area is on
the other side of the prison.Copy !req
844. I brought him up
as best I could,Copy !req
845. but sometimes a bad seedCopy !req
846. falls from even
the most fragile flower.Copy !req
847. Ma'am, you're not going
through this gate.Copy !req
848. Is this the way you treat
your mother?Copy !req
849. Is this the kind of abuseCopy !req
850. that poor woman
must endure?Copy !req
851. Well, I guess my mother
is a little bit mad...Copy !req
852. Mm-hmm. You ought to be
in the slammerCopy !req
853. with the rest
of these misfits.Copy !req
854. If you had any remorse
at all for the horrorCopy !req
855. you put your own mother
through,Copy !req
856. you'd open that gate.Copy !req
857. I have a car overheating
as we speak.Copy !req
858. Okay, okay!Copy !req
859. Lets open the east gate!Copy !req
860. There,
now are you satisfied?Copy !req
861. I'll tell your mother
how her son has improvedCopy !req
862. despite his shaded and
somewhat checkered past.Copy !req
863. The doctor told me I'd
only have to wear theseCopy !req
864. until after the surgery.Copy !req
865. Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
866. - Ernest, since you're part
of the night familyCopy !req
867. here at the bank,Copy !req
868. I'm gonna show you
something new.Copy !req
869. You see that?Copy !req
870. That is only to be used
during an officer-in-distress
situation.Copy !req
871. Do you understand?Copy !req
872. Which, I might add,Copy !req
873. we hope will be
few and far between.Copy !req
874. What could happen
in a quiet, little bank
like this?Copy !req
875. Eh... will you take
the edge off, Bobby?Copy !req
876. I mean... Hey, Bobby! If
I was going by the book,Copy !req
877. I wouldn't have said
anything,Copy !req
878. but its only Ernest!Copy !req
879. Ha ha ha!
He... Bobby!Copy !req
880. Well, Mr. Nash,
how's our special prisoner?Copy !req
881. Just fine, thanks.Copy !req
882. Of course, the place
could be a little homier.Copy !req
883. Maybe some curtains...Copy !req
884. I don't
need nothin' from nobody.Copy !req
885. I especially
don't need nothin'Copy !req
886. from no lousy screws.Copy !req
887. Tough guy... right to the end,
huh, Nash?Copy !req
888. Just about 24 hours to go.Copy !req
889. Well, yeah, what's it
to you, warden?Copy !req
890. Besides, I'll be getting
out of here soon.Copy !req
891. Yeah, you'll be getting out
all right...Copy !req
892. horizontally.Copy !req
893. - Man: Close cellblock "C."
- [Door rattles, thuds]Copy !req
894. Did you hear that?
I'll be getting out
in 24 hours.Copy !req
895. You just have to know
how to talk to these people.Copy !req
896. Don't worry, Rubin,
I'll put in a good word
for you, too.Copy !req
897. Mr. P.
Mr. P.Copy !req
898. Can I talk...
wait, wait.Copy !req
899. Hey, can I... can I talk
to you for just one second?Copy !req
900. What is it now?Copy !req
901. Let's go this way,
please.Copy !req
902. Mr. P., I want to talk
to you about laser beams...Copy !req
903. little bundles of light
that can actually triggerCopy !req
904. a high-tech, state-of-the-art
security device.Copy !req
905. Bobby... please.Copy !req
906. So?Copy !req
907. What's the matter
with it?Copy !req
908. Pbht! Nothin'!
That's the beauty of it.Copy !req
909. Now, Mr. P., could
I just have your attention
this way, please, sir?Copy !req
910. Please, Mr. P.,
come this way.Copy !req
911. - Ohh.Copy !req
912. Oooh.Copy !req
913. Space-age plastics
at work for you, Mr. P.Copy !req
914. Its invisible, tasteless,
odorless, colorless.Copy !req
915. And the best news yet, sir...
its bulletproof.Copy !req
916. Bobby, if you... please!Copy !req
917. No!Copy !req
918. Uhhhh.Copy !req
919. Uh, y...Copy !req
920. It's got a few bugs
there, Mr. P.,Copy !req
921. but you get
the basic idea, right?Copy !req
922. Help me get this off
of him.Copy !req
923. Mr. P.'s a very rich
and busy man.Copy !req
924. 24 hours, Lyle.Copy !req
925. I'm outta here in 24 hours,
and, boy, am I ever glad.Copy !req
926. This hasn't been
a really bad experience, though.Copy !req
927. I mean, the food's good,Copy !req
928. and I met a lot
of new friends.Copy !req
929. But now I'm ready to go back
to my job and my dog.Copy !req
930. You know, I got a feelingCopy !req
931. everything's gonna turn out
all right from now on.Copy !req
932. You know, Lyle, it's really
good to be alive.Copy !req
933. What's bothering him?Copy !req
934. Ernest,
I can't believe this.Copy !req
935. This place is spotless.Copy !req
936. I am so proud of you.Copy !req
937. Has the value of pride
diminished?Copy !req
938. What?Copy !req
939. Well, the last time
you were proud of me,Copy !req
940. I got a kiss.Copy !req
941. Mr. Ernest, I
want to see you in my office.Copy !req
942. Well, Ernest, you've made
a drastic improvementCopy !req
943. in your job performance.Copy !req
944. And so I've decided
to take Miss Sparrow's
recommendation.Copy !req
945. You'll be joining us
working days as a bank clerk.Copy !req
946. So, Ernest, do you have
anything to say?Copy !req
947. Mr. You idiot!
You smashed my golf trophy!Copy !req
948. Get out of here!Copy !req
949. Gosh, Mr. Pendlesmythe,Copy !req
950. does this mean
I don't get the job?Copy !req
951. "Don't get the job"?
I may have you shot!Copy !req
952. Ernest...Copy !req
953. Did you see his face?Copy !req
954. You didn't do that
on purpose?Copy !req
955. He'll get over it.Copy !req
956. Ernest, what has gotten
into you?Copy !req
957. Look, we got to talk.Copy !req
958. Okay.
How 'bout tonight?Copy !req
959. But it'll have to be
early.Copy !req
960. Why?
You have a lot to clean?Copy !req
961. Yeah.Copy !req
962. Tonight I'm gonna clean out
the whole place.Copy !req
963. Open C-12.Copy !req
964. Nash, your lawyer's
got something to tell you.Copy !req
965. I'm afraid I've got
some bad news, Mr. Nash.Copy !req
966. Our last appeal
was turned down.Copy !req
967. It was our final hope.Copy !req
968. I'm afraid there's nothing
more we can do.Copy !req
969. Come on, Nash.
Let's go.Copy !req
970. Go? Go where?Copy !req
971. You're going to the row.Copy !req
972. The row?
Well, what's that?Copy !req
973. As in death.
You know, death row.Copy !req
974. Oh, well...
death row?Copy !req
975. You mean like the chair?
The hot seat?Copy !req
976. Dead meat, deep six,
it's over, pal,Copy !req
977. you're outta here, bub,Copy !req
978. the groundhogs are bringing
your mail,Copy !req
979. you're picking turnips
with a stepladder,Copy !req
980. like the no-tomorrow row,
that kind of row?Copy !req
981. Oh, no. The row?
Uh, but, uh...Copy !req
982. You've got to tell them
who I am, fellas.Copy !req
983. I'm Ernest P. Worrell.
I'm not Nash.Copy !req
984. I'm Ernest.Copy !req
985. Zip it up, Nash.
Get him outta here.Copy !req
986. Warden, you're gonna feel
terribleCopy !req
987. when you find out what
a big mistake you made.Copy !req
988. And, you, pal, you're not
getting any more of my business.Copy !req
989. I'm not Nash, I tell you.
I'm Ernest.Copy !req
990. - I'm Ernest P. Worrell.Copy !req
991. Close "C" block.Copy !req
992. - Come in.Copy !req
993. Ernest, this
wasn't what I expected.Copy !req
994. Its, um,
I-it's different.Copy !req
995. Have a drink.Copy !req
996. Oh. Okay, sure.
Why not?Copy !req
997. Uh, sit down. Make yourself
more comfortable.Copy !req
998. A toast... to
the successful completionCopy !req
999. of all
of tonight's endeavors.Copy !req
1000. To a long and happy life.Copy !req
1001. I'm up for that.Copy !req
1002. Um, Ernest, I-I didn't
come here to have...Copy !req
1003. I was... just wanted
to speak to youCopy !req
1004. about what happened
at the bank today.Copy !req
1005. We can talk later.Copy !req
1006. Ernest.Copy !req
1007. Ernest, stop it!Copy !req
1008. What has
gotten into you?Copy !req
1009. - Stop it!Copy !req
1010. Get off me!Copy !req
1011. Get away from me,
you mangy little mutt!Copy !req
1012. You are slimers,
P. Worrell!Copy !req
1013. Here,
you little rat ball.Copy !req
1014. So it's come to this.Copy !req
1015. A pointless, miserable end
to a shallow, meaningless life.Copy !req
1016. But it's as it should be.Copy !req
1017. It's the hand I've been dealt,Copy !req
1018. and I have to play it
as it lays.Copy !req
1019. Oh, I'm not going to cryCopy !req
1020. because life's thrown me
a curve.Copy !req
1021. I'm... I'm not going to whine
because I got mashed potatoesCopy !req
1022. when French fries
is what I really wanted.Copy !req
1023. It's time for me to...
step up to the plate,Copy !req
1024. belly up to the bar!Copy !req
1025. It's time for me to look fate
square in the eye,Copy !req
1026. flare my nostrils,
breathe life's last breath!Copy !req
1027. It's time for me to lie down
with lionsCopy !req
1028. so I can soar with the eagles!Copy !req
1029. All right!Copy !req
1030. I'm ready!Copy !req
1031. Come and get me!Copy !req
1032. Let's do it!Copy !req
1033. Come on, Nash.
Its time.Copy !req
1034. I don't wanna die.Copy !req
1035. Is it fixed yet?Copy !req
1036. No.Copy !req
1037. Would you like
a cigaretteCopy !req
1038. or a blindfold
or something?Copy !req
1039. No, I'm afraid of the dark,
and cigarettes will kill you.Copy !req
1040. Maybe a few last words.Copy !req
1041. Nash,
take it like a man.Copy !req
1042. But I'm not Nash.
I'm Ernest.Copy !req
1043. "And what is an Ernest?"
You might ask.Copy !req
1044. A man with a past rich in both
history and tradition.Copy !req
1045. Should we punish this man
for crimes he did not commit?Copy !req
1046. No, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
1047. Can't you
speed things up?Copy !req
1048. Okay, okay.Copy !req
1049. Such a man should be
set... free.Copy !req
1050. Oh!Copy !req
1051. Hit the alarm!Copy !req
1052. Run for it!Copy !req
1053. Let's go!Copy !req
1054. What's wrong
with the door?Copy !req
1055. Whoa!Copy !req
1056. Thanks, Nash!Copy !req
1057. There's been a breach
in security.Copy !req
1058. All guards
to your emergency stations.Copy !req
1059. Hey, what's going on
here?Copy !req
1060. All prisoners,
return to your cells.Copy !req
1061. Return to your...Copy !req
1062. Let's go, Lyle.Copy !req
1063. Get outta my way!Copy !req
1064. There he is!Copy !req
1065. Stop him! Fire!Copy !req
1066. Aaahhhhh!Copy !req
1067. Come on!
Get outta here!Copy !req
1068. Come on!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!Copy !req
1069. Cut him down now!Copy !req
1070. It worked before.Copy !req
1071. Aaahh!Copy !req
1072. Ahh!Copy !req
1073. Diii-ha!Copy !req
1074. Yihaw! Yihaw!Copy !req
1075. Yiiiihaww!
Yihaw!Copy !req
1076. Ahh!Copy !req
1077. Open sesame.Copy !req
1078. Not so fast.Copy !req
1079. You better watch out,
Rubin.Copy !req
1080. I'll zot you.Copy !req
1081. You're a dead man,
Worrell.Copy !req
1082. Very well.
You asked for it.Copy !req
1083. After all, I am
Ernest P. Worrell, Electroman.Copy !req
1084. Did I ever tell youCopy !req
1085. that you have a really
classic Greek profile?Copy !req
1086. Shut up.Copy !req
1087. Let him go.Copy !req
1088. Lyle, you talk.
That's great.Copy !req
1089. Have you flipped?
Come on.Copy !req
1090. We got to get rid of
this guy before he blows
the whole thing.Copy !req
1091. No, he's different
than us.Copy !req
1092. Shut up and get out
of my way.Copy !req
1093. You better go.Copy !req
1094. Mr. Nash is probably
robbing the bank right now.Copy !req
1095. Nash?Copy !req
1096. Well, come with me.Copy !req
1097. I don't belong out there.Copy !req
1098. I got a place in here.Copy !req
1099. Well, I'm gonna miss you,
good buddy.Copy !req
1100. Ernest, things won't be
the same without you,Copy !req
1101. you know what I mean?Copy !req
1102. If anybody does...Copy !req
1103. So long, Lyle!
I'll send you a cake!Copy !req
1104. There he is!Copy !req
1105. Come on!Copy !req
1106. All right!
We got ya!Copy !req
1107. Come on, Lyle.
Back inside.Copy !req
1108. Don't let him get away.Copy !req
1109. Get the dogs!
Come on!Copy !req
1110. Move it!Copy !req
1111. Nobody has ever escaped
from this facilityCopy !req
1112. since I've been warden,Copy !req
1113. and they're not gonna
start now.Copy !req
1114. All right, let's go, men.Copy !req
1115. Consider the prisoner
extremely dangerous.Copy !req
1116. What are you doing now,
Ernest?Copy !req
1117. That's it.Copy !req
1118. Is everyone who works here
a moron?Copy !req
1119. Can't you see
what I'm doing?Copy !req
1120. I'm robbing the bank.Copy !req
1121. I'm gonna blow the safe,
take the money, and leave.Copy !req
1122. I'm robbing the bank.Copy !req
1123. I'm stealing the money
that you are paid to protect.Copy !req
1124. I'm robbing the bank.Copy !req
1125. Ppbbhhtt!Copy !req
1126. I've been vandalized...Copy !req
1127. by Elvis.Copy !req
1128. I can't believe it!
I can't believe it!Copy !req
1129. First Ernest and now this!Copy !req
1130. I am acting like
the victim again.Copy !req
1131. I need to tell Ernest
exactly how I feel,Copy !req
1132. and I need to do it right now
while I'm still mad!Copy !req
1133. Ah.Copy !req
1134. - That's better.Copy !req
1135. Rimshot. Rimshot.
Here, boy.Copy !req
1136. Rimshot? Rimshot.Copy !req
1137. Rimshot?Copy !req
1138. Rimshot?Copy !req
1139. Rimshot?Copy !req
1140. Rimshot.Copy !req
1141. Rimshot!Copy !req
1142. How did you get in there?Copy !req
1143. What kind of a person would
throw away a perfectly good dog?Copy !req
1144. - Come on, Rimshot.
Let's go.Copy !req
1145. Don't you worry
about your diet, chubby.Copy !req
1146. As soon as I set this fuse,Copy !req
1147. you're gonna lose
all that weight.Copy !req
1148. Mr. Pendlesmythe,
its Charlotte.Copy !req
1149. I-I know
you won't believe this,Copy !req
1150. but it looks like Ernest
is robbing the bank.Copy !req
1151. I know,
but I am here right now.Copy !req
1152. Look, I don't know
what's gotten into you,Copy !req
1153. but you can't go through
with this!Copy !req
1154. Ernest! Ernest!Copy !req
1155. Look...Copy !req
1156. I am not this Ernest guy.Copy !req
1157. I just happen
to look like him.Copy !req
1158. I switched with him,
you get it?Copy !req
1159. You what?Copy !req
1160. Look,
would the real ErnestCopy !req
1161. have been able
to knock out ChuckCopy !req
1162. or set a time bomb without it
going off in his face?Copy !req
1163. And look at the floors.Copy !req
1164. Did you notice how clean
they've been lately?Copy !req
1165. You are an imposter.Copy !req
1166. What did you do
with the real Ernest?Copy !req
1167. Where is he?Copy !req
1168. He's dead by now.Copy !req
1169. What do you mean
he's dead?Copy !req
1170. I don't believe you!
What have you done with him?Copy !req
1171. I haven't done anything
with him.Copy !req
1172. Your dedicated public servants
down in the state penCopy !req
1173. put him in the chair
hours ago.Copy !req
1174. Well, I'll be seeing you,
sweetheart.Copy !req
1175. Or rather, I'll be seeing
parts of you.Copy !req
1176. Ha ha ha ha.Copy !req
1177. Parts of you...
ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
1178. Shh. Rimshot,
don't say a word.Copy !req
1179. Uh... uh.Copy !req
1180. Charlie!Copy !req
1181. Ow!Copy !req
1182. That's it.
Get him in position.Copy !req
1183. Ow! Chuck!Copy !req
1184. Ow!Copy !req
1185. What's gotten into you,
Chuck? It's me! Ow!Copy !req
1186. You sure have a funny way
of saying hello.Copy !req
1187. Do you think I'd let you
get near meCopy !req
1188. after what you did
to Ernest...Copy !req
1189. one of the sweetest,
kindest men who ever lived?Copy !req
1190. Gosh, Charlotte,
I-I'm touched.Copy !req
1191. Okay, now, listen to me.Copy !req
1192. When I give the signal,Copy !req
1193. I want you to hit him
with everything we've got.Copy !req
1194. What?Copy !req
1195. Sir, we got civilians
in there.Copy !req
1196. Worrell.Copy !req
1197. Nash.Copy !req
1198. Now, Nash,
this is Warden Carmichael.
Now, we've got you surrounded.Copy !req
1199. Come on out with your hands up.Copy !req
1200. Nash, let the hostages go.Copy !req
1201. Looks like I got myself
another hostage.Copy !req
1202. Too bad.
I thought you were dead.Copy !req
1203. Not yet.Copy !req
1204. So... it comes to this.Copy !req
1205. Man to man,
mano a mano,Copy !req
1206. toe to toe,
nose to nose,Copy !req
1207. shirts and skins,
eggs over medium.Copy !req
1208. Be careful, Ernest!Copy !req
1209. Ohh!Copy !req
1210. He should've ducked.Copy !req
1211. Here, let me help you up.Copy !req
1212. I want to show you
your new desk.Copy !req
1213. Stop it!Copy !req
1214. - Get up.
- Chuck: Yeah, stop it!Copy !req
1215. I can't believe I was
fooled by that man.Copy !req
1216. I sensed it immediately.Copy !req
1217. Freeze, punk.Copy !req
1218. Make your play.Copy !req
1219. All right, Bobby!
Burn him!Copy !req
1220. What are you waiting for?
Burn him!Copy !req
1221. Bobby!Copy !req
1222. Bobby!Copy !req
1223. The gun!Copy !req
1224. Get away from there.Copy !req
1225. Give me that gun
or I'll rip your lungs out.Copy !req
1226. Give it here!Copy !req
1227. Bobby, go to plan 12!Copy !req
1228. Let go!Copy !req
1229. Let go.Copy !req
1230. Ohhh.Copy !req
1231. You haven't got
a prayer, Nash.Copy !req
1232. You're completely surrounded.
Give it up.Copy !req
1233. Bobby!Copy !req
1234. What do you want me
to do now?Copy !req
1235. Deploy them around
to the back.Copy !req
1236. Okay, second team,
let's move.Copy !req
1237. You heard him!
Let's go!Copy !req
1238. Toast time.Copy !req
1239. It looks like one way
or another,Copy !req
1240. this was just his night to fry.Copy !req
1241. I'm floating.Copy !req
1242. I'm lighter than air.Copy !req
1243. What's happening to me?Copy !req
1244. He's polarized.
He... he's weightless.Copy !req
1245. Gravity's lost its grip.Copy !req
1246. I'll show you polarized.Copy !req
1247. Ahhhhhhhh!Copy !req
1248. - Time to put your butt
on spin cycle.
- Ahhhhhhh!Copy !req
1249. Ahhhhhhhhhh!Copy !req
1250. Right down the middle.Copy !req
1251. Ahhhhh!Copy !req
1252. Ahhhhhhh!
Oh, no! No! No! No!Copy !req
1253. - Ugh!Copy !req
1254. - Ugh!Copy !req
1255. Chuck! Bob...!
Chuck! Bob...!Copy !req
1256. - Stop it!
- Doh!Copy !req
1257. Uhhhhh!Copy !req
1258. - Oh!Copy !req
1259. Uhhhhh!Copy !req
1260. Oh!Copy !req
1261. Oh!Copy !req
1262. Ow!Copy !req
1263. Oh!Copy !req
1264. To the moon,
bozo!Copy !req
1265. Leave him alone!Copy !req
1266. Uh!Copy !req
1267. Ernest, you're in control!Copy !req
1268. That's it!Copy !req
1269. Nash, listen to me.
Let the hostages go.Copy !req
1270. Yeah, right, warden.
This'll take care of him.Copy !req
1271. Ernest, incoming.Copy !req
1272. 3:00. Maybe 2:30.Copy !req
1273. 50... 3/4...Copy !req
1274. Uh, uh, uh, uh.Copy !req
1275. Ahhhhhhh!Copy !req
1276. Wa-ahhhhhhhh!Copy !req
1277. Get this thing
off of me.Copy !req
1278. Watch out, Ernest!
He's getting up!Copy !req
1279. Aaaahhhhhh!Copy !req
1280. Ernest, grab the lamp!Copy !req
1281. Be careful.
Those lamps are expensive.Copy !req
1282. Go back to plan "B."Copy !req
1283. I'm gonna kill him.Copy !req
1284. Ahh!Copy !req
1285. Huh?Copy !req
1286. W-What's going on
in there?Copy !req
1287. Get your head down!
Who is this guy?Copy !req
1288. It's my bank.Copy !req
1289. Peter Pan,
eat your heart out.Copy !req
1290. Here. Have a seat.Copy !req
1291. Ahhhhhh!Copy !req
1292. Ugh!Copy !req
1293. Ahhhhhhhhh!Copy !req
1294. Let go of me!Copy !req
1295. Pull on it!Copy !req
1296. Pull on it! Chuck!Copy !req
1297. I am.Copy !req
1298. My wrist is beginning
to chafe.Copy !req
1299. Ernest!Copy !req
1300. Stop this thing!
Somebody, stop...Copy !req
1301. Come on, get me
off of this thing!Copy !req
1302. Hey, Nash, you'll never get him
now.Copy !req
1303. Please be sure that your
seat backs and tray tablesCopy !req
1304. are in their full, upright, and
locked positions before landing.Copy !req
1305. Let me
off of this thing!Copy !req
1306. Thanks for shopping with us.
Ah heh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1307. No, don't touch
that button.Copy !req
1308. No!Copy !req
1309. Aaaahhhhh!Copy !req
1310. All right!Copy !req
1311. E-e-e-e-e-w.Copy !req
1312. 15 seconds, Chuck!Copy !req
1313. Bobby, unlock me!Copy !req
1314. Ernest, the bomb!Copy !req
1315. I'm coming.Copy !req
1316. Don't worry, Charlotte.
I'll save you.Copy !req
1317. Give me that.Copy !req
1318. Up, up, and away-y-y-y-y-y!Copy !req
1319. He's getting away.Copy !req
1320. - Whoa!Copy !req
1321. Wow!Copy !req
1322. Oh... my buddy's gone.Copy !req
1323. He's been here all right.Copy !req
1324. I recognize his work.Copy !req
1325. Ernest saved us,
Mr. Pendlesmythe.Copy !req
1326. He saved your stupid bank
and all your stupid money.Copy !req
1327. Ernest wasn't a thief.
He was a hero.Copy !req
1328. Well, maybe you're right.Copy !req
1329. Stick a sock in it.Copy !req
1330. Unh.Copy !req
1331. Put 'em down, boys.
Nice and easy.Copy !req
1332. And all of you, move over there.
Come on, move.Copy !req
1333. Nash...Copy !req
1334. you'll never get away
with this.Copy !req
1335. Oh, yeah, warden?
I think so.Copy !req
1336. She's my ticket outta here.
Come over here, sweetie.Copy !req
1337. Ahhhhhhh!Copy !req
1338. Uhhhh. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1339. Ernest, you're alive.Copy !req
1340. I came. I saw.Copy !req
1341. I got blowed up.Copy !req
1342. Play it, Sam.Copy !req
1343. The piano will cover up
the shot.Copy !req
1344. Hey, man, if I had known
you were back, man,Copy !req
1345. I wouldn't have worn
my wingtips.Copy !req
1346. Look, there's no tread left
on these.Copy !req
1347. See? Look.Copy !req
1348. You can't eat those coconuts
anyway, man.Copy !req
1349. Monkeys have been up there.Copy !req
1350. Eh, put that down!
Put that down!Copy !req
1351. Don't! Don't push, man.
Don't make me climb.Copy !req
1352. Wha...Copy !req