1. Oh, hello.Copy !req
2. You're probably here about the story.Copy !req
3. Elves love to tell stories.
I'll bet you didn't know that about elves.Copy !req
4. There's probably a lot of things
you didn't know about elves.Copy !req
5. Another interesting elfism:Copy !req
6. There are only three jobs
available to an elf.Copy !req
7. The first is making shoes at night, while,
you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.Copy !req
8. Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog.Copy !req
9. You can bake cookies in a tree.Copy !req
10. As you can imagine, it's dangerous
having an oven in an oak tree...Copy !req
11. during the dry season.Copy !req
12. I wanna make shoes!Copy !req
13. But the third job...Copy !req
14. some call it the show,
or the big dance.Copy !req
15. It's the profession
that every elf aspires to.Copy !req
16. And that is to build toys
in Santa's workshop.Copy !req
17. Only two weeks left till Christmas.Copy !req
18. It's a job only an elf can do.Copy !req
19. Our nimble fingers, natural cheer
and active minds...Copy !req
20. are perfect for toy building.Copy !req
21. They tried using gnomes and trolls...Copy !req
22. but the gnomes drank too much.Copy !req
23. And the trolls weren't toilet trained.Copy !req
24. No human being has ever set foot
in Santa's workshop.Copy !req
25. That is, until about 30 years ago.Copy !req
26. And as you may have guessed,
that's where our story begins.Copy !req
27. Wowee! Wow.Copy !req
28. What a blessing you are.
What a blessing you are.Copy !req
29. Here we are.Copy !req
30. We're just going to make
you feel so comfortable.Copy !req
31. There we are. There you are.Copy !req
32. It's time to go to sleep.Copy !req
33. Maybe by next Christmas,
you'll have a home.Copy !req
34. Merry Christmas, my angel.Copy !req
35. All right, all right.Copy !req
36. We've had another very successful year.Copy !req
37. So after all that hard work...Copy !req
38. it's time to start preparations
for next Christmas.Copy !req
39. What in the name of Sam Hill is that?Copy !req
40. "Little Buddy Diapers."Copy !req
41. His name is Buddy. He must have...Copy !req
42. Snuck into your sack at the orphanage.Copy !req
43. What do we do?Copy !req
44. So Santa had a decision to make.Copy !req
45. Fortunately, when it comes to babies,
Santa's a pushover.Copy !req
46. So Buddy stayed with an older elf
who had always wanted a child...Copy !req
47. but had been so committed
to building toys...Copy !req
48. well, he'd forgotten to settle down.Copy !req
49. Santa.Copy !req
50. Yes. Yes, I raised Buddy.Copy !req
51. I was his adopted father.Copy !req
52. Though Buddy grew twice as fast...Copy !req
53. he wasn't any different
from the other children.Copy !req
54. Not too fast, Buddy.Copy !req
55. I mean, not really.Copy !req
56. Before we learn how to build the latest
in extreme graphic chipset processors...Copy !req
57. let's recite the code of the elves,
shall we?Copy !req
58. Number one.Copy !req
59. Treat every day like Christmas.Copy !req
60. Number two.Copy !req
61. There's room for everyone
on the nice list.Copy !req
62. Number three.Copy !req
63. The best way to spread Christmas
cheer is singing loud for all to hear.Copy !req
64. And one day, when Buddy was old enough,
I made him my own personal apprentice.Copy !req
65. Never been in this room before.Copy !req
66. Well, I think it's time
you start your tinker training.Copy !req
67. Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
68. You're gonna help me make it fly.Copy !req
69. I thought the magical reindeer
made the sleigh fly.Copy !req
70. Where do the reindeer
get their magic from?Copy !req
71. Christmas spirit.Copy !req
72. Everybody knows that.Copy !req
73. Well, as silly as it sounds...Copy !req
74. a lot of people down south
don't believe in Santa Claus.Copy !req
75. What?Copy !req
76. Who do they think
puts all their toys under the tree?Copy !req
77. Well, there's a rumor floating around
that the parents do it.Copy !req
78. That's... That's ridiculous.Copy !req
79. I mean, parents couldn't do that
all in one night.Copy !req
80. What about Santa's cookies?
I suppose parents eat them too?Copy !req
81. Yeah, I know. I know.Copy !req
82. And every year, less and less
people believe in Santa Claus.Copy !req
83. I mean, we have a real energy crisis
on our hands.Copy !req
84. I mean, just see how low
the Clausometer is.Copy !req
85. That's shocking.Copy !req
86. That's why I came up
with this little beauty in the '60s.Copy !req
87. What is it?Copy !req
88. It's a Kringle 3000.Copy !req
89. Eighty-five hundred reindeer-power
jet turbine engine.Copy !req
90. Without it, the sleigh couldn't get
more than a few feet off the ground.Copy !req
91. Well, looks like we got a short
in the thermo coupler.Copy !req
92. You wanna give me a hand with that?Copy !req
93. You want me to help?Copy !req
94. As much as Buddy was accepted
by his family and friends...Copy !req
95. there were a few drawbacks
to being a human in an elves' world.Copy !req
96. Hey, Ming Ming.Copy !req
97. I'm gonna be a little bit short
on today's quota.Copy !req
98. It's all right, Buddy.Copy !req
99. Just how many Etch A Sketches
did you get finished?Copy !req
100. Come on, Buddy, how many?Copy !req
101. I made 85.Copy !req
102. Eighty-five.Copy !req
103. That puts you...Copy !req
104. 915 off the pace.Copy !req
105. Ooh, that's bad.Copy !req
106. Why don't you just say it?Copy !req
107. I'm the worst toy maker in the world.Copy !req
108. I'm a cotton-headed ninny muggins.Copy !req
109. No, Buddy,
you're not a cotton-headed ninny muggins.Copy !req
110. We all just have different talents,
that's all.Copy !req
111. Seems like everyone else
has the same talents except for me.Copy !req
112. You have lots of talents.Copy !req
113. Special talents, in fact, like...
Special talents?Copy !req
114. You changed the batteries
in the smoke detector.Copy !req
115. You sure did. Triple A's.Copy !req
116. And in six months,
you'll have to check them again. Won't he?Copy !req
117. And you're the only baritone
in the elf choir.Copy !req
118. You bring us down a whole octave.Copy !req
119. In a good way.Copy !req
120. See, Buddy,
you're not a cotton-headed ninny muggins.Copy !req
121. You're just special.Copy !req
122. And so Buddy was sent
where the special elves work.Copy !req
123. Hey, Foom Foom.Copy !req
124. I hate to do this, but can you help me
pick up the slack on those Etch A Sketches?Copy !req
125. - No problem.
- I appreciate it.Copy !req
126. Buddy is killing me.Copy !req
127. I already got Lum Lum and Choo Choo
pulling doubles.Copy !req
128. Quick thinking yesterday
with that "special talents" thing.Copy !req
129. I feel bad for the guy.
I just hope he doesn't get wise.Copy !req
130. Well, if he hasn't figured out
he's a human by now...Copy !req
131. I don't think he ever will.Copy !req
132. If he hasn't figured out
he's a human by now...Copy !req
133. I don't think he ever will.Copy !req
134. I think they're too small.Copy !req
135. You're just special.Copy !req
136. You don't look so good, Buddy.
Are you okay?Copy !req
137. I'll be okay. I just need a glass of water.Copy !req
138. Buddy.Copy !req
139. Buddy, are you okay?Copy !req
140. I'm sorry, Papa.Copy !req
141. Just need some alone time.Copy !req
142. Buddy, I think we have to talk.Copy !req
143. Buddy, I think there's something
I probably should tell you.Copy !req
144. You probably should've found out
a long... A long time ago.Copy !req
145. I then proceeded
to tell Buddy of how his father...Copy !req
146. had fallen in love
when he was very young...Copy !req
147. with a beautiful girl
named Susan Welles...Copy !req
148. and how Buddy was born
and put up for adoption by his mother.Copy !req
149. And how she had later passed away.Copy !req
150. I told him his father had never even known
that Buddy was born.Copy !req
151. And most importantly,
I told him where his father was.Copy !req
152. In a magical land called New York City.Copy !req
153. My dad works there?Copy !req
154. Empire State Building.Copy !req
155. Hey, Buddy,
wanna pick some snow berries?Copy !req
156. Not now, arctic puffin.Copy !req
157. Hello, Buddy.Copy !req
158. Hi, Leon.Copy !req
159. Why the long face, partner?Copy !req
160. It seems I'm... I'm not an elf.Copy !req
161. Of course you're not. You're 6-foot-3
and had a beard since you were 15.Copy !req
162. Papa says my real father
lives in a magical place far away.Copy !req
163. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
164. At least you have a daddy.Copy !req
165. I was just rolled up one day
and left out here in the cold.Copy !req
166. But the thing is,
I've never even left the North Pole.Copy !req
167. Buddy, I've been around the world
many times...Copy !req
168. when I was
a young cumulus nimbus cloud.Copy !req
169. It's a wonderful place
filled with wondrous creatures.Copy !req
170. Except dogs.
Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow.Copy !req
171. Oh, I know that.Copy !req
172. All I'm saying is...Copy !req
173. this might be the golden opportunity
to find out who you really are.Copy !req
174. So I hear you're going
on a little journey to the big city.Copy !req
175. Yep. Kind of nervous.Copy !req
176. Leon says New York is pretty different.Copy !req
177. Oh, don't pay attention to Leon.Copy !req
178. He's never been anywhere.
He doesn't have any feet.Copy !req
179. I've been to New York
thousands of times.Copy !req
180. Really? What's it like?Copy !req
181. Well, there are some things
you should know.Copy !req
182. First off, you see gum on the street,
leave it there.Copy !req
183. It's not free candy.Copy !req
184. Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas.Copy !req
185. They all claim to be the original,
but the real one's on 11th.Copy !req
186. And if you see a sign
that says "peep show"...Copy !req
187. that doesn't mean that they're letting
you look at presents before Christmas.Copy !req
188. Can't wait to see my dad.Copy !req
189. We're gonna go ice-skating
and eat sugarplums.Copy !req
190. That's the other thing
I wanted to talk to you about.Copy !req
191. You know, Buddy, your father...Copy !req
192. well, he's on the naughty list.Copy !req
193. No!Copy !req
194. You're taking the books back?Copy !req
195. See, I see what you're trying to do here.
You're trying to make me feel bad...Copy !req
196. when in actuality
you're the one that missed the payments.Copy !req
197. But the children love the books.Copy !req
198. I know that.Copy !req
199. You know, I'm the one that ran
the focus groups, but I like hearing that.Copy !req
200. Listen, some people, they just lose
sight of what's important in life.Copy !req
201. That doesn't mean they can't find
their way again. Huh?Copy !req
202. Maybe all they need
is just a little Christmas spirit.Copy !req
203. Well, I'm good at that.Copy !req
204. I know you are.Copy !req
205. I'll always be here for you.Copy !req
206. Now go.Copy !req
207. Get.Copy !req
208. Bye, guys.Copy !req
209. - Bye, Buddy.
- Bye, Buddy.Copy !req
210. - Take care.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
211. Bye-bye.Copy !req
212. Bye-bye, Buddy.Copy !req
213. There, there.Copy !req
214. Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad.Copy !req
215. Thanks, Mr. Narwhal.Copy !req
216. Bye.Copy !req
217. Hey. What's your name?Copy !req
218. My name's Buddy.Copy !req
219. Does someone need a hug?Copy !req
220. Nice raccoon! I just wanted a hug.Copy !req
221. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
222. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
223. You did it! Congratulations.Copy !req
224. World's best cup of coffee.Copy !req
225. Great job, everybody.Copy !req
226. It's great to meet you.Copy !req
227. Hi.Copy !req
228. Santa! Sant...Copy !req
229. Nope. Not Santa.Copy !req
230. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
231. Thank you.Copy !req
232. No. No. All right?Copy !req
233. Get out of here. Get out of here.Copy !req
234. - Hello.
- Hey.Copy !req
235. Beautiful.Copy !req
236. Looks like a Christmas tree.Copy !req
237. A reprint.
You know how much that's gonna cost?Copy !req
238. Two whole pages are missing.
The story doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
239. You think some kid's gonna notice
two pages? All they do is look at pictures.Copy !req
240. Sorry I can't ride the rest of the way,
but this is where my dad works.Copy !req
241. Have a good day.
Oh, I forgot to give you a hug.Copy !req
242. I don't know, Connie.
I've never declawed kittens before.Copy !req
243. How many? Eight?Copy !req
244. I don't know if I'm gonna have time.Copy !req
245. All right, just bring them by the camper
this weekend. I'll see what I can do.Copy !req
246. I'm not gonna charge you,
bring them by and I'll see what I can do.Copy !req
247. Excuse me.
I'm here to see a Walter Hobbs.Copy !req
248. I'm Buddy the elf.Copy !req
249. You look hilarious.Copy !req
250. - Who sent you?
- Papa Elf.Copy !req
251. - Papa Elf?
- Mm-hm. From the North Pole.Copy !req
252. - From the North Pole?
- Yes.Copy !req
253. - So you really think we should ship them?
- No.Copy !req
254. I think we should take a $30,000 bath
so some kid can understand...Copy !req
255. what happened to a puppy
and a frigging pigeon.Copy !req
256. Ship them.Copy !req
257. - Yeah?
- Mr. Hobbs?Copy !req
258. - It's me on the intercom.
- Go ahead.Copy !req
259. Yeah, I think someone sent you
a Christmas-gram.Copy !req
260. Dad!Copy !req
261. All right, let's get it over with.Copy !req
262. I walked all day and night to find you.Copy !req
263. You look like
you came from the North Pole.Copy !req
264. That's exactly where I came from.Copy !req
265. Santa must have called you.Copy !req
266. Oh, yeah, sure,
he just got off the cell phone with me.Copy !req
267. He did?Copy !req
268. - So go on.
- Go on with what?Copy !req
269. Are you gonna sing a song or something?
Or can I just go back to work?Copy !req
270. A song?Copy !req
271. Yeah. Anything for you, Dad.Copy !req
272. I'm here with my dad.Copy !req
273. And we never met.Copy !req
274. And he wants me to sing him a song.Copy !req
275. And I was adopted.Copy !req
276. But you didn't know I was born.Copy !req
277. So I'm here nowCopy !req
278. I found you, Daddy.Copy !req
279. And guess whatCopy !req
280. I love you, I love you, I love you.Copy !req
281. Well, that was weird.Copy !req
282. Usually you guys just, you know, put
my name into "Jingle Bells" or something.Copy !req
283. It's me, your son. Susan Welles had me.Copy !req
284. And she didn't tell you. And...Copy !req
285. But now I'm here. It's me, Buddy.Copy !req
286. Susan Welles. You said Susan Welles?Copy !req
287. Yes.Copy !req
288. Who sent this Christmas-gram?Copy !req
289. What's a Christmas-gram? I want one.Copy !req
290. - I think we should call Security.
- Good idea.Copy !req
291. I like to whisper too.Copy !req
292. It's okay. Walter's my father.Copy !req
293. Well, your dad's busy right now.Copy !req
294. Okay, I'll come back later.Copy !req
295. Yeah, you're not gonna
come back for a while, okay?Copy !req
296. - You're gonna go back to Santa land.
- Okay.Copy !req
297. Yeah, why don't you go back
to Gimbels?Copy !req
298. Sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
299. Passion fruit spray?Copy !req
300. Fruit spray? Sure.Copy !req
301. Sorry.Copy !req
302. Sorry.Copy !req
303. Do you wanna go?Copy !req
304. Hey, have you seen these toilets?Copy !req
305. They're ginormous.Copy !req
306. Psst.Copy !req
307. Hey, come. Come here!Copy !req
308. - Me?
- Yes.Copy !req
309. What are you doing down there?Copy !req
310. You're not supposed to be down here.Copy !req
311. You shop on your break.
You don't come...Copy !req
312. - Get upstairs.
- Okay, I didn't know.Copy !req
313. Well, you should know.Copy !req
314. - Are you mad at me?
- No.Copy !req
315. - You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure. Just do your job.Copy !req
316. Okay.Copy !req
317. Ah. Wow.Copy !req
318. What's this?Copy !req
319. This is the North Pole.Copy !req
320. No, it's not.Copy !req
321. - Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.Copy !req
322. - Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.Copy !req
323. - Yes, it is.
- No, it's not. Where's the snow?Copy !req
324. Why you smiling like that?Copy !req
325. I just like to smile.
Smiling's my favorite.Copy !req
326. Make work your favorite.
That's your favorite, okay?Copy !req
327. - Work is your new favorite.
- Fine.Copy !req
328. - It's time for the announcement.
- Okay.Copy !req
329. Okay, people, tomorrow morning, 10 a.m.,
Santa's coming to town.Copy !req
330. Santa! Oh, my God!Copy !req
331. Santa, here? I know him.Copy !req
332. I know him.Copy !req
333. He'll be here to take pictures
with all the children.Copy !req
334. Just keep your receipts.Copy !req
335. - Ten a.m. tomorrow.
- Ten a.m. tomorrow.Copy !req
336. - Santa's coming to town.
- Yes.Copy !req
337. Can you sign this for me?Copy !req
338. Hi.Copy !req
339. Santa's coming.Copy !req
340. Are you enjoying the view?Copy !req
341. You are very good
at decorating that tree.Copy !req
342. Why you messing with me?
Did Crumpet put you up to this?Copy !req
343. I'm not messing with you.Copy !req
344. It's just nice to meet another human
who shares my affinity for elf culture.Copy !req
345. - I'm just trying to get through the holidays.
- Get through?Copy !req
346. Christmas is the greatest day
in the whole wide world.Copy !req
347. Please stop talking to me.Copy !req
348. Sounds like someone
needs to sing a Christmas carol.Copy !req
349. Go away.Copy !req
350. Best way to spread Christmas cheer
is singing loud for all to hear.Copy !req
351. Thanks, but I don't sing.Copy !req
352. Oh, it's easy. It's like talking.Copy !req
353. Except louder and longer
and you move your voice up and down.Copy !req
354. I can sing, but I just choose not to sing.Copy !req
355. Especially in front of other people.Copy !req
356. If you sing alone, you can sing
in front of others. No difference.Copy !req
357. Actually, there's a big difference.Copy !req
358. No, there isn't. Wait.Copy !req
359. I'm singing
I'm in a store, and I'm singingCopy !req
360. I'm in a store
And I'm singing.Copy !req
361. Hey! There's no singing
in the North Pole.Copy !req
362. - Yes, there is.
- No, there's not.Copy !req
363. - We sing all the time.
- No, there's not.Copy !req
364. Especially when we make toys.Copy !req
365. See?Copy !req
366. Attention all Gimbels shoppers.Copy !req
367. Please make your final purchases.Copy !req
368. We'll be closing in 10 minutes.Copy !req
369. Well, it's time for me to go home.Copy !req
370. But Santa's coming.
There's so much to do.Copy !req
371. Yeah. Uh... Heh-heh.Copy !req
372. I'll see you tomorrow.Copy !req
373. - Buddy.
- Jovie.Copy !req
374. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
375. Jovie.Copy !req
376. Hey, I'm gonna eat in the bedroom, okay?
I got a bunch of stuff to go over.Copy !req
377. - Are you sure?
- I'm just way behind on a bunch of stuff.Copy !req
378. Can I eat in my room?Copy !req
379. - No.
- Why not?Copy !req
380. Dad's eating in his room.Copy !req
381. I got a bunch of
homework to go over and I'm way behind.Copy !req
382. You're eating here.Copy !req
383. Get out! Don't look at me!Copy !req
384. Get out!Copy !req
385. Dad?Copy !req
386. Dad?Copy !req
387. Dad, hi! It's me!Copy !req
388. Dad! Dad! Dad!Copy !req
389. - Hey!
- It's okay. I just have a gift for my dad.Copy !req
390. - Okay. I'll take this.
- Okay.Copy !req
391. Well, just make sure he knows it's from me,
his son, okay?Copy !req
392. I love him so much and I think
he's the greatest dad in the world.Copy !req
393. You guys are so strong.Copy !req
394. This is neat.Copy !req
395. - Hey, you.
- Me?Copy !req
396. Come here. I wanna talk to you.Copy !req
397. What about?Copy !req
398. How come you were
in the women's locker room this morning?Copy !req
399. I heard you singing.Copy !req
400. You sure it had nothing to do
with the fact that I was naked?Copy !req
401. I didn't know you were naked.Copy !req
402. Why were you here so early?Copy !req
403. They shut my water off.Copy !req
404. What were you doing here so early?Copy !req
405. Building this.Copy !req
406. You built this?Copy !req
407. They're kind of pissed about this.Copy !req
408. Really?Copy !req
409. Hey, guys. Have you seen the place?Copy !req
410. It's pretty good. It's a little too good.Copy !req
411. Corporate must have
sent in a professional.Copy !req
412. I don't know why somebody's gunning
for my job, but look, let's remain a team.Copy !req
413. Okay? Because if I go, we all go.Copy !req
414. If you get wind of anything,
call me on my radio.Copy !req
415. Channel three. Code word is
"Santa's got a brand-new bag."Copy !req
416. Okay?Copy !req
417. Six-inch ribbon curls, honey.Copy !req
418. - That's impossible.
- Six inches.Copy !req
419. By the way, I think you have
the most beautiful singing voice...Copy !req
420. in the whole wide world.Copy !req
421. Santa.Copy !req
422. Santa! It's me, Buddy!Copy !req
423. - Hey, Buddy, how you doing?
- Santa!Copy !req
424. It's me!Copy !req
425. - Are you ready to see Santa?
- Santa!Copy !req
426. - Who the heck are you?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
427. - I'm Santa Claus.
- No, you're not.Copy !req
428. Why, of course I am.Copy !req
429. Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing
for you on your birthday this year?Copy !req
430. "Happy Birthday," of course.Copy !req
431. - So how old are you, son?
- Four.Copy !req
432. - You're a big boy. What's your name?
- Paul.Copy !req
433. - What can I get you?
- Don't tell him what you want.Copy !req
434. He's a liar.Copy !req
435. Let the kid talk.Copy !req
436. You disgust me.
How can you live with yourself?Copy !req
437. - Just cool it, Zippy.
- Smile.Copy !req
438. You sit on a throne of lies.Copy !req
439. - I'm not kidding.
- You're a fake.Copy !req
440. - I'm a fake?
- Yes.Copy !req
441. - How'd you like to be dead? Huh?
- Fake?Copy !req
442. He's kidding.Copy !req
443. - You stink.
- You're gonna have a good Christmas.Copy !req
444. You smell like beef and cheese.
You don't smell like Santa.Copy !req
445. He's an imposter!Copy !req
446. He's a fake! He's a fake!Copy !req
447. - Come here!
- I can't.Copy !req
448. He's a fake!Copy !req
449. Where you going now?
Where you going?Copy !req
450. No!Copy !req
451. He's not Santa Claus! He's not Santa!Copy !req
452. "To someone special.”Copy !req
453. - What's that?
- Intercom.Copy !req
454. Right.Copy !req
455. - Yeah?
- The police are on line one.Copy !req
456. Police. Hello?Copy !req
457. Dad!Copy !req
458. I knew that you'd come.
I love you for coming.Copy !req
459. Officer Tom, this is my dad.
This is Walter.Copy !req
460. He bailed me out.
They gave me one phone call.Copy !req
461. I said, "I know who I'm gonna call.
Walter Hobbs."Copy !req
462. Sure enough, you showed up. You did.Copy !req
463. They said you weren't gonna show up.
They told me so many times.Copy !req
464. Just who the heck are you
and what is your problem?Copy !req
465. I'm Buddy. I'm your son.Copy !req
466. Wait. Um...Copy !req
467. Tell me, where'd you get this picture?Copy !req
468. Papa Elf gave it to me.Copy !req
469. What is this, some kind of game?
What do you want, some money?Copy !req
470. No. I just wanted to meet you
and I thought you might wanna meet me.Copy !req
471. Who wouldn't wanna meet you?Copy !req
472. Thought maybe we could make
gingerbread houses and eat cookie dough...Copy !req
473. and go ice-skating
and maybe even hold hands.Copy !req
474. - Come with me.
- Okay.Copy !req
475. Okay. What have we got here?Copy !req
476. Buddy, don't eat those.Copy !req
477. Gotta hurry up, I'm double booked
for the rest of the afternoon.Copy !req
478. - Am I sick?
- Yeah, but we're here to do a test.Copy !req
479. - What kind of test?
- A test to find out if you're my son.Copy !req
480. - Why am I sitting on paper?
- It's sanitary for the other patients.Copy !req
481. - Sit still so I can do the finger prick.
- Finger prick!Copy !req
482. - It's cold.
- Yeah, just please sit still.Copy !req
483. - Can I listen to your necklace?
- No, you can't. Sit still...Copy !req
484. Why is there a skeleton?
If I squint, he looks like a pirate flag.Copy !req
485. - Does he have a name?
- No. I'm sorry, Ben.Copy !req
486. - I have patients waiting.
- Please sit still.Copy !req
487. - He got mad at me.
- Yes, he did. He did.Copy !req
488. The sooner you sit still,
the sooner we can get this mess over with.Copy !req
489. - Then can we eat sugarplums?
- You betcha.Copy !req
490. We'll eat sugarplums and have gingerbread
houses and we'll even paint eggs.Copy !req
491. - Oh, paint eggs, that's Easter.
- Right.Copy !req
492. My finger has a heartbeat.Copy !req
493. Won't hurt so much after a little.Copy !req
494. What's your name?Copy !req
495. Buddy.Copy !req
496. - I'm Carolyn.
- Hi.Copy !req
497. - What do you want for Christmas?
- A Suzie Talks A Lot.Copy !req
498. I'll put in a good word with the big man.Copy !req
499. Thanks. Your costume is pretty.Copy !req
500. Oh, it's not a costume. I'm an elf.Copy !req
501. Well, technically, I'm a human,
but I was raised by elves.Copy !req
502. Oh. I'm a human raised by humans.Copy !req
503. Cool.Copy !req
504. So?Copy !req
505. It's a boy. Buddy's your son.Copy !req
506. That's very impossible.Copy !req
507. You saw that guy out there.
He's certifiably insane.Copy !req
508. He's probably just reverting
to a state of childlike dependency.Copy !req
509. An elf?Copy !req
510. What he needs is to be nurtured.Copy !req
511. I see.Copy !req
512. So, um, you'd like me to breast-feed him?Copy !req
513. Walter, just bring him home.
Introduce him to Emily and Michael.Copy !req
514. And once he comes to terms
with reality...Copy !req
515. he should drop the elf thing
and move on with his life.Copy !req
516. That's what I would do.Copy !req
517. Oh, my God. Walter, this is wonderful.Copy !req
518. You... You have another son.Copy !req
519. Wonderful. Gosh, I guess
I never really thought of it that way.Copy !req
520. This is incredible.Copy !req
521. It's a little complicated,
but it's nothing that we can't handle.Copy !req
522. - Honey.
- What?Copy !req
523. He thinks he's an elf.Copy !req
524. I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
525. He thinks he's a Christmas elf.Copy !req
526. Oh, come on, Walter. I'm sure
he doesn't actually think he's an elf.Copy !req
527. And then I traveled to the seven
levels of the Candy Cane Forest...Copy !req
528. past the Sea
of Swirly Twirly Gumdrops.Copy !req
529. And then I walked
through the Lincoln Tunnel.Copy !req
530. So where were you for the last 30 years?Copy !req
531. The North Pole.Copy !req
532. Can you pass the maple syrup?Copy !req
533. I didn't put it... It's spaghetti.Copy !req
534. You know what? I think I have some.Copy !req
535. Yes.Copy !req
536. You like sugar, huh?Copy !req
537. Is there sugar in syrup?Copy !req
538. Yes.Copy !req
539. Then yes!Copy !req
540. We elves try to stick
to the four main food groups:Copy !req
541. Candy, candy canes,
candy corns and syrup.Copy !req
542. So will you be staying with us, then?Copy !req
543. You mean I can stay?Copy !req
544. Of course you can.Copy !req
545. - Emily.
- How long do you think you'll be with us?Copy !req
546. I hadn't really planned it out,
but I was thinking, like, forever.Copy !req
547. Emily. Can I just speak to you
for a minute in the kitchen, please?Copy !req
548. Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.Copy !req
549. Clearly, he has some serious issues.Copy !req
550. We can't just throw him out in the snow.Copy !req
551. Why not? He loves the snow.Copy !req
552. He's told me 15 times.Copy !req
553. Walter, he's your son.Copy !req
554. Did you hear that?Copy !req
555. You are so weird.Copy !req
556. Dad?Copy !req
557. Dad?Copy !req
558. Dad!Copy !req
559. - What?
- I can't go to sleep unless I get tucked in.Copy !req
560. - What?
- I can't go to sleep unless I get tucked in.Copy !req
561. I am not gonna tuck you in.Copy !req
562. I promise I'll go right to sleep.Copy !req
563. Fine.Copy !req
564. - Tickle fight, tickle fight!
- Buddy, stop. Stop.Copy !req
565. Sorry.Copy !req
566. Sorry.Copy !req
567. You, ahem... You just lay there
and go to sleep.Copy !req
568. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
569. Dad?Copy !req
570. I love you.Copy !req
571. Okay. Go to sleep now.Copy !req
572. Well, this is really something.Copy !req
573. I'm usually the one making breakfast.Copy !req
574. That's good. That's good.Copy !req
575. Okay.Copy !req
576. Oh, that's good.Copy !req
577. - Good? Good.
- Good.Copy !req
578. So did you, uh, sleep okay last night?Copy !req
579. Great. I got a full 40 minutes.Copy !req
580. And I had time
to build that rocking horse.Copy !req
581. Oh, my gosh, you actually made that?Copy !req
582. Where did you get all the wood?Copy !req
583. - Good morning, honey.
- Morning, Dad.Copy !req
584. Walter, Buddy has made us breakfast.
Isn't that nice?Copy !req
585. And lunch.Copy !req
586. And lunch. Bye.Copy !req
587. - So, Dad, how many scoops?
- I'll stick with the coffee now, thanks.Copy !req
588. Okay.Copy !req
589. So, Dad, I planned out our whole day.Copy !req
590. We'll make snow angels
and then we'll go ice-skating.Copy !req
591. Then eat a roll of Toll House
cookie dough as fast as we can.Copy !req
592. And then, to finish, we'll snuggle.Copy !req
593. I've gotta go to work, Buddy.Copy !req
594. Oh, and another thing,
if you're gonna be staying here...Copy !req
595. you should think about, you know,
getting rid of the costume.Copy !req
596. But I've worn this my whole life.Copy !req
597. You're not in the North Pole any longer.Copy !req
598. - You wanna make me happy, don't you?
- More than anything.Copy !req
599. Then lose the tights.Copy !req
600. I mean, as soon as possible.Copy !req
601. As soon as possible?Copy !req
602. As soon as possible.Copy !req
603. Okay.Copy !req
604. I almost forgot my...Copy !req
605. Morning.Copy !req
606. Walter here.Copy !req
607. It worked. It's you.Copy !req
608. - How'd you get this number?
- Emily left an emergency list.Copy !req
609. I see. And, uh, is this an emergency?Copy !req
610. There's a horrible noise coming
from the evil box underneath the window.Copy !req
611. It sounds like this:Copy !req
612. It's not evil, Buddy, it's the radiator.Copy !req
613. And heat makes noise when it comes on.Copy !req
614. No, it doesn't. It's very evil.Copy !req
615. It's scary to look at. It's...Copy !req
616. Okay, I'm going toward...Copy !req
617. Oh, wait. Yes, it is.Copy !req
618. Okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Everything's fine.Copy !req
619. - You were right.
- Okay, good, I'm gonna hang up now.Copy !req
620. I love you. I'll call you in five minutes.Copy !req
621. No, no. Buddy, don't, uh...Copy !req
622. You don't have to call me, okay?Copy !req
623. Good idea. You call me.Copy !req
624. Okay, I'm gonna hang up now.Copy !req
625. I painted a picture of a butterfly.Copy !req
626. - Good, I'm gonna hang up now.
- I tuned the piano.Copy !req
627. Okay, I love you. Bye.Copy !req
628. - Hobbs.
- Hey.Copy !req
629. - How you doing?
- Please sit down.Copy !req
630. I saw you at the retreat.
You're looking good.Copy !req
631. Thank you very much, you as well.
What do I owe the pleasure?Copy !req
632. Well, to be honest,
I got a call from my niece.Copy !req
633. She wants to know
how a certain puppy and a certain pigeon...Copy !req
634. escaped the clutches
of a certain evil witch.Copy !req
635. Believe me,
we're already looking for new printers.Copy !req
636. This one has obviously gotten sloppy.Copy !req
637. Maybe it isn't the printer
who's gotten sloppy.Copy !req
638. That's your signature, right?Copy !req
639. - We could sit here and point fingers all day.
- I've got news for you.Copy !req
640. Even if those two pages were in there,
the book still would've sucked.Copy !req
641. Have you seen the numbers
for this quarter?Copy !req
642. - They'll be here today.
- They're in.Copy !req
643. That frigging puppy and pigeon
are tanking hard, Hobbs.Copy !req
644. My people estimate we're gonna post
a minus 8 for this quarter.Copy !req
645. A minus 8.Copy !req
646. That does not happen.Copy !req
647. - You know, we'll bounce back. We...
- No.Copy !req
648. - No? Well...
- No, no, no.Copy !req
649. We're gonna ship a new book
the first quarter.Copy !req
650. First quarter?Copy !req
651. I'm gonna be back in town on the 24th.Copy !req
652. At that time,
I would love to hear in exact detail...Copy !req
653. what your plans are for this new book.Copy !req
654. Wait a minute.
The 24th, that's Christmas Eve.Copy !req
655. - And?
- And, uh...Copy !req
656. No problem.
Be great to have you in the loop.Copy !req
657. All right, I got every weapon
in the game.Copy !req
658. - I got full health. I got full armor.
- Michael.Copy !req
659. - I got full...
- Michael, it's me, Buddy.Copy !req
660. - You know that guy?
- No, I've never seen him before.Copy !req
661. It's me, Buddy. Your brother.Copy !req
662. Oh, man.Copy !req
663. No, Michael. Wait, it's your brother.
Mich...Copy !req
664. Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
665. Michael, Michael.Copy !req
666. Michael.Copy !req
667. Michael, wait up.Copy !req
668. Michael, Michael.Copy !req
669. Wow, you're fast.
I'm glad I caught up to you.Copy !req
670. I waited five hours for you.
Why is your coat so big?Copy !req
671. So good news, I saw a dog today.
Have you seen a dog?Copy !req
672. You probably have.Copy !req
673. How was school? Was it fun?
Did you get a lot of homework, huh?Copy !req
674. Do you have any friends?
Do you have a best friend?Copy !req
675. - Does he have a big coat too?
- Go away.Copy !req
676. Son of a nutcracker.Copy !req
677. Run.Copy !req
678. Get them. Hit the green guy.Copy !req
679. Oh, no. These guys are bad news.Copy !req
680. We better get out of here.Copy !req
681. You know what? We can take them.Copy !req
682. Okay, just start making
as many snowballs as you can.Copy !req
683. You ready?Copy !req
684. Let's go.Copy !req
685. Go away.Copy !req
686. Oh, man. One got away.Copy !req
687. Snowball.Copy !req
688. Wow.Copy !req
689. Where did you say you were from?Copy !req
690. - Wish Dad were here.
- Why?Copy !req
691. Because he's the greatest dad
in the whole wide world.Copy !req
692. Are you kidding?
He's the worst dad in the world.Copy !req
693. - What do you mean?
- All he does is work.Copy !req
694. - Working's fun.
- Not the way he does it.Copy !req
695. All he cares about is money.
Doesn't care about you or me or anybody.Copy !req
696. Well, he is on the naughty list.Copy !req
697. You like her?Copy !req
698. Like who?Copy !req
699. The girl you're staring at.Copy !req
700. Yeah.Copy !req
701. Why don't you ask her out?Copy !req
702. Out?Copy !req
703. You know, on a date. To eat food.Copy !req
704. - Food?
- Yes, real food.Copy !req
705. Not candy.
And if she says yes, you're in.Copy !req
706. It's like a secret code girls have.Copy !req
707. Well, look who it is.Copy !req
708. - Hi, Jovie.
- Hi.Copy !req
709. - Oh, uh, this is Michael.
- I'm his brother.Copy !req
710. Hi.Copy !req
711. So, what are you doing here?
Did Gimbels give you your job back?Copy !req
712. No, but things worked out pretty good.
They gave me a restraining order.Copy !req
713. Well, um, you should probably
get out of here.Copy !req
714. But I really wanted to see you
and I think you're beautiful...Copy !req
715. and I, um... I feel really warm
when I am around you...Copy !req
716. and, um, my tongue swells up.Copy !req
717. So...Copy !req
718. Do you wanna go eat food?Copy !req
719. Do I wanna eat food?Copy !req
720. You know, uh, the code.Copy !req
721. Food.Copy !req
722. Well, I just had my lunch break.Copy !req
723. Okay, I understand.Copy !req
724. But I'm free on Thursday.Copy !req
725. - Thursday. Thursday.
- Come on. That'd be great.Copy !req
726. All right.Copy !req
727. - Is that okay?
- You did great, man.Copy !req
728. - What should we put on it first?
- Lights.Copy !req
729. Oh, good. And then after that?Copy !req
730. - Ornaments.
- Ornaments. Okay.Copy !req
731. - What the hell is that?
- A Christmas tree.Copy !req
732. - A Christmas tree?
- Buddy chopped it down in the park.Copy !req
733. Emily?Copy !req
734. I don't know what you're making
such a big deal about.Copy !req
735. - They were just having a little fun.
- Oh, fun.Copy !req
736. So felonies are fun now?
I thought, see, felonies were felonies.Copy !req
737. Okay, the tree thing was bad.
I'll get him to plant another one.Copy !req
738. But at least Michael is happy for once.Copy !req
739. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
740. Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter,
that you haven't exactly been there for him.Copy !req
741. Why don't we just pull him out of school
and let the deranged elf-man raise him?Copy !req
742. Then they can have lots of fun
committing felonies.Copy !req
743. - How are we gonna get the star on top?
- I got it.Copy !req
744. I mean, what are we gonna do?
We can't leave him alone here.Copy !req
745. He's gonna destroy the place.Copy !req
746. Why don't you take off tomorrow,
you know...Copy !req
747. and you could stay home
and watch him?Copy !req
748. Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow.
I have a budget meeting tomorrow.Copy !req
749. Well, honey, I can't take off. I'm one
bad pitch away from getting fired, one.Copy !req
750. Well, I tell you what. I have an idea then.Copy !req
751. Why don't you take Buddy
to work with you?Copy !req
752. - Hey, Walter.
- Morning, Jack.Copy !req
753. Morning, Jack.Copy !req
754. - Good morning, Mr. Hobbs.
- Morning, Sarah.Copy !req
755. Good morning, Sarah. That's a
nice purple dress. It's very purply.Copy !req
756. - Francisco.
- Hello, Mr. Hobbs.Copy !req
757. Francisco. That's fun to say. Francisco.Copy !req
758. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
759. - Remember me?
- I do. I didn't recognize you.Copy !req
760. I know. I'm in work clothes.Copy !req
761. - Thank you, Debra.
- Thanks, Deb.Copy !req
762. You have a pretty face.
You should be on a Christmas card.Copy !req
763. You just made my day.Copy !req
764. Buddy.Copy !req
765. - You don't have to drink that.
- Thank you.Copy !req
766. Francisco.Copy !req
767. Francisco.Copy !req
768. Francisco.Copy !req
769. - Francisco.
- Buddy.Copy !req
770. - Am I too loud?
- Just a little.Copy !req
771. Sorry.Copy !req
772. Yes, Bud?Copy !req
773. Why is your name on the desk?Copy !req
774. I bought the desk.
My name's there so no one steals it.Copy !req
775. That's a joke, isn't it, Dad?Copy !req
776. Yeah, Buddy, that's a joke.Copy !req
777. So, what are we gonna build?Copy !req
778. No, we don't do
that kind of work here, pal.Copy !req
779. - Buddy the elf.
- Put that down.Copy !req
780. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
781. - Please, don't touch anything.
- Sorry.Copy !req
782. Bud, have you ever seen a mailroom?Copy !req
783. A mailroom? No.Copy !req
784. - No? Oh.
- No.Copy !req
785. I mean, wow. Wow.Copy !req
786. Listen, it's a place where mail
from all over the world comes.Copy !req
787. And they sort it out there, see?
And you can touch it all.Copy !req
788. - And they put it in these shiny bins.
- Shiny bins.Copy !req
789. Right. What do you think?Copy !req
790. - It sounds great.
- Good.Copy !req
791. Can we go there?Copy !req
792. Well, I got to work here.
Maybe you can work there.Copy !req
793. Okay, I'll work there.Copy !req
794. I don't think this is the place
my dad was talking about.Copy !req
795. - Is there a different mailroom?
- No, this is the only one.Copy !req
796. It's not very shiny.Copy !req
797. Now, over here is the trench.Copy !req
798. All the mail comes out that shooter.Copy !req
799. Scan and find the floor
each piece is moving to.Copy !req
800. Put it in a canister and shove it
up the tube with the same number.Copy !req
801. - You got that?
- I think so.Copy !req
802. This place reminds me
of Santa's workshop.Copy !req
803. Except it smells like mushrooms...Copy !req
804. and everyone looks like
they wanna hurt me.Copy !req
805. Greenway is coming in tomorrow so, what?
What do we got?Copy !req
806. Well, Morris and I
have been brainstorming...Copy !req
807. and we've come up
with what I think is a pretty big idea.Copy !req
808. - Great. What?
- You're gonna love it. It's fantastic.Copy !req
809. - What?
- Okay.Copy !req
810. Picture this:Copy !req
811. We bring in Miles Finch.Copy !req
812. The Miles Finch?Copy !req
813. - The golden ghost.
- We bring him in.Copy !req
814. He's written more classics
than Dr. Seuss.Copy !req
815. It ain't gonna be easy,
but I think it's worth a shot.Copy !req
816. My two top writers, my crack team,
my fun squad...Copy !req
817. you came in here pitching me the idea
of hiring another writer?Copy !req
818. - Yeah.
- Miles Finch.Copy !req
819. I like it.Copy !req
820. I like it.Copy !req
821. Then I traveled through the seven levels
of the Candy Cane Forest...Copy !req
822. and past
the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gumdrops.Copy !req
823. Wow.Copy !req
824. It's sucky.Copy !req
825. Oh, wonderful. Yes.Copy !req
826. That is marvelous how that...Copy !req
827. Oh, it's very sucky.Copy !req
828. It's very sucky.Copy !req
829. - So how'd you get here?
- Work release.Copy !req
830. Syrup in coffee?Copy !req
831. Why didn't I think of that?
Can I try some?Copy !req
832. Be my guest.Copy !req
833. Very generous of you.Copy !req
834. I love syrup.Copy !req
835. Oh, I love it.Copy !req
836. You know what,
I know I sound like a broken record.Copy !req
837. But we are buddies.Copy !req
838. You're my best friend, that's it.
You're my best friend.Copy !req
839. You know, Buddy,
nobody around here listens to me.Copy !req
840. - I got really good ideas.
- Yeah, I believe it.Copy !req
841. I know, I'm right, I listen to you.
You have great ideas.Copy !req
842. - I just try to go with the flow.
- Go with the flow.Copy !req
843. - Yeah.
- Go with the flow.Copy !req
844. - No, I gotta get out of the flow.
- Well, then get out...Copy !req
845. I'm in the flow. That's what got me here.Copy !req
846. I'm 26 years old,
I got nothing to show for it.Copy !req
847. You're young. You're so young.Copy !req
848. - My papa...
- Yeah?Copy !req
849. He didn't make master tinker
till he was 490.Copy !req
850. Four hundred ninety.Copy !req
851. It's a tickle fight, tickle fight.Copy !req
852. Tickle fight, tickle fight.Copy !req
853. My favorite book of yours
has gotta be Gus' Pickles.Copy !req
854. It's existential yet it's so accessible.Copy !req
855. Mr. Finch, Eugene Dupree here.Copy !req
856. It's a thrill just to be talking to you
on our speaker phone.Copy !req
857. Miles, so, what do you think?
Can you fly in tomorrow?Copy !req
858. I'll give you five hours tomorrow,
not a minute more.Copy !req
859. Well, that's great.Copy !req
860. I'd like a black S500
to receive me at the airport.Copy !req
861. I need the interior of that car
to be 71 degrees exactly.Copy !req
862. - We can do that.
- Mr. Hobbs?Copy !req
863. - There's a situation downstairs.
- I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
864. No, hold on, Miles. Deb, hang up.Copy !req
865. - I do not hold. Do not put me on hold.
- We have a problem in the mailroom.Copy !req
866. - What's going on?
- Don't speak.Copy !req
867. Debra, hang up.Copy !req
868. - That's it, I'm gone.
- Miles.Copy !req
869. I'll be there tomorrow.
Seventy-one degrees.Copy !req
870. Sir, Chuck in the mailroom
needs to talk to you.Copy !req
871. Chuck.Copy !req
872. What?
What could be going on down there...Copy !req
873. that's so important
you had to interrupt me? What?Copy !req
874. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
875. Hey!Copy !req
876. Yeah!Copy !req
877. Coming.Copy !req
878. Hi.Copy !req
879. - Wow, you look miraculous.
- And so do you.Copy !req
880. Thank you.Copy !req
881. What would you like to do?Copy !req
882. I got some ideas.Copy !req
883. Just reach out in front of you
and take a sip.Copy !req
884. Don't look. There you go.Copy !req
885. Well?Copy !req
886. It tastes like a crappy cup of coffee.Copy !req
887. It is a crappy cup of coffee.Copy !req
888. No, it's the world's best cup of coffee.Copy !req
889. The trick is to not get your arm
caught in the door.Copy !req
890. Also, never close your eyes
because then you'll get sick.Copy !req
891. Okay, when you feel comfortable,
you just jump in.Copy !req
892. - What are you doing?
- I'm skipping.Copy !req
893. I'm skipping, I'm skipping.Copy !req
894. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute, one more, one more.Copy !req
895. Now, look at the size of this one.Copy !req
896. Come with me.Copy !req
897. Look out. Yellow ones don't stop.Copy !req
898. Yellow ones don't stop.Copy !req
899. Wow, that's a big one.Copy !req
900. Sorry.Copy !req
901. You missed.Copy !req
902. - What do you mean, I missed?
- You missed.Copy !req
903. - Miles Finch.
- Miles Finch.Copy !req
904. Miles Finch.Copy !req
905. All right, let's do this.Copy !req
906. - Miles, I'm so happy you could come.
- Yeah.Copy !req
907. - I'm Walter Hobbs.
- Yeah, let's get the, uh...Copy !req
908. - Taken care of so we can get started.
- Right, here you go.Copy !req
909. Great.Copy !req
910. All right, ahem,
what have you guys got so far?Copy !req
911. Go ahead.Copy !req
912. We were thinking something like this:Copy !req
913. We open on a young tomato.Copy !req
914. He's had some tough times
down at the farm.Copy !req
915. - You know, rabbits, and...
- No.Copy !req
916. No tomatoes. Too vulnerable.Copy !req
917. Kids, they're already vulnerable.Copy !req
918. I know, you see, I told you guys.Copy !req
919. - I told them the very same thing.
- And no farms.Copy !req
920. Everybody's pushing small-town rural.
Farm book would just be white noise.Copy !req
921. What about this?
A tribe of asparagus children.Copy !req
922. But they're self-conscious
about the way their pee smells.Copy !req
923. Apparently, all we have is vegetables.Copy !req
924. I have no time, so, you know...Copy !req
925. Yeah. I've got about five or six
great starts here.Copy !req
926. I got one idea that I'm especially
psyched out of my mind about.Copy !req
927. You know, it's one of those ideas
where you're just like, yes!Copy !req
928. Uh, great. Could we hear it?Copy !req
929. I'll start with the cover.
Picture this.Copy !req
930. Dad, I'm in love, I'm in love
and I don't care who knows it.Copy !req
931. Buddy, not now.
Can you please go back to the pit?Copy !req
932. I'll come and visit you
in a little while, okay?Copy !req
933. I didn't know you had elves
working here.Copy !req
934. Boy, you're hilarious, my friend.Copy !req
935. He doesn't, uh...Copy !req
936. Get back to the story, please.Copy !req
937. So on the cover above the title...Copy !req
938. Does Santa know
that you left the workshop?Copy !req
939. You know,
we're all laughing our heads off.Copy !req
940. Did you have to borrow a reindeer
to get down here?Copy !req
941. - Buddy, go back to the basement.
- Hey, jackweed.Copy !req
942. I get more action in a week
than you've had your entire life.Copy !req
943. I've got houses In L. A., Paris and Vale.Copy !req
944. Each one of them
with a 70-inch plasma screen.Copy !req
945. So I suggest
you wipe that stupid smile off your face...Copy !req
946. before I come over there
and smack it off.Copy !req
947. You feeling strong, my friend?
Call me elf one more time.Copy !req
948. He's an angry elf.Copy !req
949. Look at you.Copy !req
950. Ow. Hey, what...?Copy !req
951. I wasn't ready for that. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
952. Call me elf one more time. Call me elf.Copy !req
953. You're an elf.Copy !req
954. Miles, I'm sorry. He thinks he's an elf.Copy !req
955. Listen, Miles. Listen, Miles.Copy !req
956. He must be a South Pole elf.Copy !req
957. You get the hell out of here.Copy !req
958. - Where do you want me to go?
- I don't care where you go.Copy !req
959. I don't care that you're an elf,
that you're nuts.Copy !req
960. I don't care that you're my son!Copy !req
961. Get out of my life, now!Copy !req
962. Hi, it's me.Copy !req
963. - I Really can't talk right now.
- Just tell me how the pitch went.Copy !req
964. I'm gonna be later than I thought, okay?Copy !req
965. Well, don't be too late, Walter,
it's Christmas Eve.Copy !req
966. - Walter.
- Wait.Copy !req
967. - Honey, I gotta go, okay? Love you.
- Say hi to Buddy.Copy !req
968. - What?
- Walter, breakthrough.Copy !req
969. - We found this in the conference room.
- What is it?Copy !req
970. It's Miles Finch's notebook.
This thing is chock-full of genius ideas.Copy !req
971. I mean, look at that.Copy !req
972. And his best idea is about a peach
that lives on a farm.Copy !req
973. - What's more vulnerable than a peach?
- What? What do we do?Copy !req
974. We should go with the first pitch.
It's genius.Copy !req
975. - How much time we got?
- We got, like, 45 minutes.Copy !req
976. Come on,
let's try to get a storyboard ready.Copy !req
977. - Come on, let's do it.
- Just try.Copy !req
978. You can't sit down
and get a storyboard ready.Copy !req
979. - Go and get a storyboard ready.
- Okay. Go.Copy !req
980. I'm sorry I ruined your lives...Copy !req
981. and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR.Copy !req
982. I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere.Copy !req
983. I'll never forget you. Love, Buddy.Copy !req
984. God.Copy !req
985. Hey, Buddy.Copy !req
986. Buddy?Copy !req
987. We need a big launch,
fast, to get the company back on track.Copy !req
988. So I think I speak
for my fellow board members when I say:Copy !req
989. This better be good.Copy !req
990. Before I get into the story, uh,
let me start with the cover, okay?Copy !req
991. Now, just picture this:Copy !req
992. Dad, I gotta talk to you.Copy !req
993. - Michael, what is it?
- Buddy ran away.Copy !req
994. - What?
- He left a note.Copy !req
995. I'm scared, Dad. He's gone.Copy !req
996. Let me just finish this meeting
and then we'll figure it out, okay?Copy !req
997. Figure out what?
Buddy cares about everybody.Copy !req
998. All you care about is yourself.Copy !req
999. Hey, Michael.Copy !req
1000. Wait.Copy !req
1001. We're gonna have to reschedule this,
Mr. Greenway.Copy !req
1002. We don't have time to reschedule.Copy !req
1003. I wanna hear the damn thing now.
Son, you'll have to wait.Copy !req
1004. No, don't tell my kid what to do.Copy !req
1005. Can't we do this another time,
Mr. Greenway?Copy !req
1006. I flew in just to hear this pitch
and I intend to.Copy !req
1007. It's gonna have to wait.Copy !req
1008. If you wanna keep your job, Hobbs,
you will pitch me this book right now.Copy !req
1009. Well, up yours.Copy !req
1010. - Yeah, up yours.
- Hey.Copy !req
1011. Hobbs, Hobbs, Hobbs!Copy !req
1012. You walk out of here
and you're finished at Greenway!Copy !req
1013. You're finished!Copy !req
1014. I don't belong anywhere.Copy !req
1015. Buddy.Copy !req
1016. Buddy, where are you?Copy !req
1017. Prancer, whoa, come on, come on.Copy !req
1018. Vixen, up, up.Copy !req
1019. Santa?Copy !req
1020. Come on, you can do it.Copy !req
1021. - Dad.
- What?Copy !req
1022. Michael, where you going? Michael.Copy !req
1023. Santa.Copy !req
1024. Back off, slick. You'll scare the deer.Copy !req
1025. Buddy, is that you?Copy !req
1026. Are you okay?Copy !req
1027. Boy, am I glad to see you.Copy !req
1028. The Clausometer
suddenly just dropped down to zero.Copy !req
1029. There's just no Christmas spirit anymore.Copy !req
1030. And the strain was too much.Copy !req
1031. The engine broke free of her mounts.Copy !req
1032. I need an elf's help.Copy !req
1033. I...Copy !req
1034. I'm not an elf, Santa.
I can't do anything right.Copy !req
1035. Buddy, you're more of an elf
than anyone I ever met.Copy !req
1036. And the only one who I would want
working on my sleigh tonight.Copy !req
1037. - Really?
- Really.Copy !req
1038. Will you fix it for me, Buddy?Copy !req
1039. I'll try. Papa taught me how.Copy !req
1040. You gotta find it first.Copy !req
1041. It dropped off the sleigh
back over there a ways.Copy !req
1042. - The engine?
- The engine, yeah.Copy !req
1043. Go, Buddy. Go, Mr. Elf.Copy !req
1044. I'm standing here outside Central Park...Copy !req
1045. where it is unclear
exactly what has happened.Copy !req
1046. What we know is,
authorities have closed the park...Copy !req
1047. and are in the process of clearing it.Copy !req
1048. The only thing
that people can agree on...Copy !req
1049. Is that they saw something
fall from the sky.Copy !req
1050. I've got an eyewitness with me who claims
to have seen the thing firsthand.Copy !req
1051. What did you actually see?Copy !req
1052. I was walking around, I saw this thing
and my daughter pointed it out to me.Copy !req
1053. Oh, your daughter saw it?Copy !req
1054. Sweetheart, can you tell me
what you saw falling out of the sky?Copy !req
1055. It was Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
1056. Santa's sleigh. Well, there you have it.
Santa's in Manhattan.Copy !req
1057. Sorry to interrupt
your first big news story, Charlotte...Copy !req
1058. but New York One has just received...Copy !req
1059. some exclusive amateur news footage
that you just might wanna follow up on.Copy !req
1060. There seems to be a strange man
dressed as an elf...Copy !req
1061. wandering through Central Park.Copy !req
1062. I don't know if this is the hard-hitting
news you're used to covering in Buffalo.Copy !req
1063. - Oh, my God.
- Here at New York One, news is top priority.Copy !req
1064. What the hell...?Copy !req
1065. Hey.Copy !req
1066. - You found it.
- Buddy.Copy !req
1067. I need to tell you something.Copy !req
1068. No, Buddy, there's something
I have to tell you right now. Um...Copy !req
1069. I didn't mean anything I said back there.
Not a word.Copy !req
1070. I know you may be a little, um...Copy !req
1071. Well, chemically imbalanced, but
you've been right about a lot of things.Copy !req
1072. I don't want you to leave.Copy !req
1073. You're my son and I love you.Copy !req
1074. Buddy...Copy !req
1075. - What was it you wanted to tell me?
- Oh, right.Copy !req
1076. - Come with me. Come on.
- Right.Copy !req
1077. I'm here with another eyewitness
who has his own version.Copy !req
1078. - Sir, what did you see?
- I think you're great, Charlotte.Copy !req
1079. I saw something fall from the sky
into the middle of Central Park.Copy !req
1080. - You're a great news lady.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1081. Could you tell me more
about what you saw fall from the sky?Copy !req
1082. Your eyes tell the story.
That's what I love about you.Copy !req
1083. And you got a great mouth.
The thing just dropped in Central Park.Copy !req
1084. It was amazing.
And everybody's going crazy.Copy !req
1085. Dick, according to authorities,
the area has been cleared.Copy !req
1086. Only the Central Park Rangers
now remain in the Park.Copy !req
1087. These forces are highly-trained
but rarely see action.Copy !req
1088. Some have accused them of being
too gung ho when called into duty...Copy !req
1089. and their controversial
crowd control tactics...Copy !req
1090. at the Simon and Garfunkel concert
in '85 are still under investigation.Copy !req
1091. I knew you'd find it, Mr. Elf.Copy !req
1092. Slap it on real quick.
We've got to get going.Copy !req
1093. Attaboy.Copy !req
1094. So, uh, you're...?Copy !req
1095. - Santa Claus.
- Right.Copy !req
1096. Would you mind taking this
to your first-born?Copy !req
1097. Sure.Copy !req
1098. - Um, and my first-born, he's an elf?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1099. Actually, I'm adopted.Copy !req
1100. Michael, would you open this hatch
for me, please?Copy !req
1101. Attaboy. Thank you.Copy !req
1102. So you're really Santa Claus?Copy !req
1103. You never can tell, kid.Copy !req
1104. Tell me, Michael,
what do you want for Christmas?Copy !req
1105. - I wanted a skateboard.
- Oh.Copy !req
1106. Not just a skateboard.Copy !req
1107. A Real HUF board. Lookie here.Copy !req
1108. Lookie here.Copy !req
1109. How do you like them apples?Copy !req
1110. Go look and see.Copy !req
1111. What happened?Copy !req
1112. - You made my sleigh fly.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1113. Well, before the turbine days...Copy !req
1114. this baby used to run solely
on Christmas spirit.Copy !req
1115. You believed in me.
You made my sleigh fly.Copy !req
1116. Hold it, if you're really Santa Claus, then
we can get some news cameras in here...Copy !req
1117. everyone will believe in you,
then your sleigh will fly.Copy !req
1118. Christmas spirit is about believing,
not seeing.Copy !req
1119. The whole world saw me,
all would be lost.Copy !req
1120. The paparazzi have been trying to nail me
for years.Copy !req
1121. Hey, look.Copy !req
1122. Oh, no.Copy !req
1123. It's the Central Park Rangers.Copy !req
1124. Dad, Michael.Copy !req
1125. I got a plan.Copy !req
1126. Wait. Wait, Michael, my list.Copy !req
1127. You bring that list back right now,
you hear me?Copy !req
1128. Come on, give me your hat and coat.Copy !req
1129. Mrs. Claus made them for me.Copy !req
1130. Hey, hey, here I am.Copy !req
1131. Hey. Ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
1132. Hey, hey.Copy !req
1133. Excuse me. Thank you, excuse me.Copy !req
1134. So the authorities have not
discovered any reindeer in the park?Copy !req
1135. - No, no reindeer.
- Sleigh bells?Copy !req
1136. - No sleigh bells either.
- Elves?Copy !req
1137. - No, none of that.
- It's him, it's the real Santa.Copy !req
1138. His sleigh won't fly.
Nobody believes in him.Copy !req
1139. - Did you see something?
- Santa needs us to believe.Copy !req
1140. I can prove he's real.
Look, this is his list.Copy !req
1141. Okay, well, further confirmation...Copy !req
1142. that there has been
a Santa sighting tonight.Copy !req
1143. We have the naughty and nice list.Copy !req
1144. "Lynn Kessler wants
a Powerpuff Girls play set.Copy !req
1145. - Mark Webber wants an electric guitar.”
- Yes.Copy !req
1146. "Carolyn Reynolds wants
a Suzie Talks A Lot."Copy !req
1147. Thanks, Buddy.Copy !req
1148. "Dirk Lawson wants pampering
at Burke Williams Spa.Copy !req
1149. Stan Tobias wants
a power-pumper water rifle."Copy !req
1150. - Must be another Dirk Lawson.
- "Dave Keckler wants some Nike Shox."Copy !req
1151. Okay. Well, obviously,
we have a new development in the story.Copy !req
1152. A confirmation
that Santa must've been sighted...Copy !req
1153. because we have his book right here.Copy !req
1154. What's your name?Copy !req
1155. I'm Charlotte Dennon, New York One.Copy !req
1156. D. D.Copy !req
1157. "Charlotte Dennon wants
a Tiffany engagement ring...Copy !req
1158. and for her boyfriend to stop
dragging his feet and commit already."Copy !req
1159. We've got power.Copy !req
1160. Charlotte? Charlotte?Copy !req
1161. - Hey, turn the cameras back on.
- Who told you to say that?Copy !req
1162. It's the real Santa.
We need to get these cameras back on.Copy !req
1163. - He needs our help.
- Hey, Michael.Copy !req
1164. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
1165. But Buddy, he's in the park with Santa.Copy !req
1166. The sleigh won't fly
because there's no Christmas spirit.Copy !req
1167. - Michael.
- Mom.Copy !req
1168. Michael.Copy !req
1169. - Are you okay?
- I'm fine.Copy !req
1170. The best way to spread Christmas cheer.Copy !req
1171. Is singing loud for all to hear.Copy !req
1172. Buddy, we better get going. Get in now.Copy !req
1173. Santa, I'm not done with the engine yet.Copy !req
1174. Can't wait.Copy !req
1175. On Dasher. On Dancer.Copy !req
1176. I'm not done with the engine.Copy !req
1177. That's okay.
You get started, I'll catch up.Copy !req
1178. You know, he wasn't lying.Copy !req
1179. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1180. Santa, I caught up.Copy !req
1181. Stop messing around and get in.Copy !req
1182. Santa, why are they chasing us?Copy !req
1183. I put them on the naughty list
and they never forgave me.Copy !req
1184. Up, up, go up.Copy !req
1185. Buddy, we need power.
We're gonna crash.Copy !req
1186. You can do it. Come on, Prancer.
That's my boy.Copy !req
1187. Pull, Dancer. Pull, Dasher.Copy !req
1188. I'm getting too old for this job.Copy !req
1189. Now.Copy !req
1190. - The engine's gone.
- We're toast.Copy !req
1191. Well, still no sign of Santa.Copy !req
1192. But some spontaneous Christmas caroling
has broken out...Copy !req
1193. right here in front of Central Park.
Let's have a listen in.Copy !req
1194. Come on.Copy !req
1195. Just a little more.Copy !req
1196. - Wait, you're not singing.
- Yes, I am.Copy !req
1197. No, you're not.
You're just moving your lips.Copy !req
1198. Santa.Copy !req
1199. - Michael, please, what's the big deal?
- Dad.Copy !req
1200. Go!Copy !req
1201. - Bye-bye.
- Just like the old days.Copy !req
1202. Charlotte? Charlotte?Copy !req
1203. Well, I guess we'll never know for sure...Copy !req
1204. what happened this Christmas Eve
in Central Park.Copy !req
1205. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1206. And so, with a little help,
Buddy managed to save Christmas.Copy !req
1207. And his spirit saved
a lot of other people too.Copy !req
1208. Walter started his own
independent publishing company.Copy !req
1209. His first book was written by a brand-new,
critically acclaimed children's author.Copy !req
1210. The book was Elf, a fictional story
about an adopted elf named Buddy...Copy !req
1211. who was raised in the North Pole,
went to New York...Copy !req
1212. ate spaghetti,
worked in a shiny mailroom...Copy !req
1213. and eventually saved Christmas.Copy !req
1214. "First, I traveled through the seven levels
of the Candy Cane Forest...Copy !req
1215. past the Sea
of Twirly Swirly Gumdrops...Copy !req
1216. and then I walked
through the Lincoln Tunnel."Copy !req
1217. And as for me, I can't complain.Copy !req
1218. Buddy comes up to visit
from time to time.Copy !req
1219. Oh, thank you, Jovie. That's very sweet.Copy !req
1220. You're welcome, Papa.Copy !req
1221. Come here, little one.Copy !req
1222. Poppy wants to see you.Copy !req
1223. Buddy.Copy !req
1224. Buddy, Buddy.Copy !req