1. I just had the strangest dream.Copy !req
2. It's Friday.Copy !req
3. We're at the hospital.Copy !req
4. But it's not a hospital,
it's a forest of sorts.Copy !req
5. And I know that because
right next to you there's a bear.Copy !req
6. A grizzly, cooling his feet in a stream.Copy !req
7. And all of a sudden,
you begin to deliver...Copy !req
8. and I can't get to you.Copy !req
9. But the bear can.Copy !req
10. And next thing I know...Copy !req
11. he is holding our beautiful baby boy.Copy !req
12. And here's where it gets odd. Uh...Copy !req
13. He chews the cord.Copy !req
14. But, strangely, I'm okay with it.Copy !req
15. That's gotta be a good sign.Copy !req
16. Theodore. Loved it.Copy !req
17. But remember that article I told you about?
Naming kids after famous people?Copy !req
18. I don't want Teddy to think he's a failure
if he doesn't wind up on Mount Rushmore.Copy !req
19. Uh, Arthur. Oh!Copy !req
20. This was tough, because it's mythological.
Round Table, the whole deal.Copy !req
21. But "The Name Game." Remember that?Copy !req
22. "The Name Game"?Copy !req
23. "Art-Art-bo-Bart, Banana-Fana-fo-Fart."Copy !req
24. Brings us to Casey.Copy !req
25. This whole next slew of names:Copy !req
26. Casey, Jordan, Dylan, Drew, Taylor,
Tyler and probably mostly Skylar...Copy !req
27. are all names that
could be girls' names.Copy !req
28. Why don't we just cut to the chase
and call him Cindy?Copy !req
29. Yeah, Atlanta.
Trying to get out of this place.Copy !req
30. - Denver's where it's at, man.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
31. They got the whole underground
government conspiracy thing going on.Copy !req
32. - That so?
- I'm hearing a lot of chatter...Copy !req
33. - ... on the message boards.
- Gotcha. I should grab this.Copy !req
34. - Sorry. Hey, honey.
Hey, sweetie.Copy !req
35. - Did you get my message?
- I did.Copy !req
36. I'm about halfway through it.
I thought I'd take a little break.Copy !req
37. Ha, ha. I didn't want you to think I was
arbitrarily dismissing those names.Copy !req
38. You considered them carefully.Copy !req
39. It's just such a big decision, you know?Copy !req
40. I know.
Clearly, you're taking it very seriously.Copy !req
41. More importantly,
what are you wearing?Copy !req
42. Armani Exchange.Copy !req
43. I'm talking to my—
No, no, that's just the driver, baby.Copy !req
44. Okay, listen, I'm about to be dropped off.
I should go.Copy !req
45. - I love you, can't wait to see you.
- I love you too. Safe flying.Copy !req
46. Here you go.
- Perfect.Copy !req
47. Yep.Copy !req
48. What in the eff?Copy !req
49. - Goddamn it!
- We done knocked it right off.Copy !req
50. Hey, man! You just hit my car!Copy !req
51. - You just knocked my door off, man.
Sorry about that.Copy !req
52. First things first,
is everybody okay?Copy !req
53. I'm in a Town Car!
Don't you know airport protocol?Copy !req
54. Town Cars have the right of way always!Copy !req
55. That right there is some serious damage.Copy !req
56. That ain't shit!Copy !req
57. My brother-in-law
is gonna kill me. I'm through!Copy !req
58. You okay?Copy !req
59. Sorry about my friend.
He's been drinking.Copy !req
60. You smell boozy too.
Drinking and driving together?Copy !req
61. Well, we haven't been drinking.Copy !req
62. I mean, we split a six-pack.
Of 40s. But...Copy !req
63. You know what?Copy !req
64. My father always had a saying:Copy !req
65. When a day starts like this,
it's all uphill from here.Copy !req
66. That's actually incorrect.Copy !req
67. - My dad used to say it.
- No, it's all downhill from here.Copy !req
68. Everybody wants to be up.
Nobody wants to be down.Copy !req
69. It's easier as you go down.
He didn't know what he was talking about.Copy !req
70. - Hey, Shelby? We good?
- We're cool, man. I'll take care of it.Copy !req
71. - Okay.
Go get them, Hollywood!Copy !req
72. Excuse me. Sir?
You mind picking these up?Copy !req
73. I can't. You're not supposed to touch
other people's luggage at an airport.Copy !req
74. Handle your own baggage.Copy !req
75. Bag check!Copy !req
76. - This your bag, sir?
- ls there a problem?Copy !req
77. - I'm gonna have to search it real quick, sir.
- Yeah. Feel free.Copy !req
78. Mad magazine? That's cute.Copy !req
79. That's not mine.Copy !req
80. - This is your bag?
- That's not—Copy !req
81. Jackpot!Copy !req
82. That's definitely not mine.
My bag got switched with this—Copy !req
83. - You packed your bag yourself?
- But not that.Copy !req
84. I've never done drugs in my life.
This is absolutely— This is crazy.Copy !req
85. Maybe you a drug mule.Copy !req
86. - Do I look like a drug mule?
- I don't know, how do drug mules look?Copy !req
87. - You're the expert.
- What, like me?Copy !req
88. - Who said that?
- Your eyes.Copy !req
89. My eyes said something? Did my mouth?
I don't think you look like a—Copy !req
90. Do you mind not tossing it up so much?Copy !req
91. Whoo! Funky motherfucker, ain't you?Copy !req
92. You are so inappropriate, it's crazy.Copy !req
93. I been called a lot of things,
but "inappropriate"?Copy !req
94. That's some fucked-up shit, yo.Copy !req
95. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
96. Look at this, Sonny.Copy !req
97. Fancy.Copy !req
98. Died and gone to heaven.Copy !req
99. Are you not aware
that there's a person here?Copy !req
100. Sorry.Copy !req
101. Well, hello!Copy !req
102. How you doing?Copy !req
103. What brings you up to first class?Copy !req
104. The seat that I procured—Copy !req
105. Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.Copy !req
106. I was in low class, and my seat belt
didn't work, and they bumped me up.Copy !req
107. It's called economy.Copy !req
108. Lucky day. Nice to see you.Copy !req
109. Sorry how we met, but, you know...Copy !req
110. Oh, you know what?Copy !req
111. - I think we switched our bags at the curb.
- I know we did.Copy !req
112. Your bag was confiscated.
It had paraphernalia in it.Copy !req
113. Marijuana pipe.Copy !req
114. Well, that's a medical apparatus.Copy !req
115. - I have glaucoma.
- Sure, you have glaucoma.Copy !req
116. Attention, in preparation for takeoff,
please turn off all electronic devices...Copy !req
117. and if you have a laptop, please stow it.
Thank you and enjoy your flight.Copy !req
118. They made the announcement.
You should turn that off.Copy !req
119. - Yeah, I get it.
- Just turn it off. You know why?Copy !req
120. - I'm gonna turn it off.
- They get uneasy...Copy !req
121. because they know terrorists use their
phones to trigger bombs in their luggage.Copy !req
122. Shh. Pst, pst, pst.Copy !req
123. - That's not the word you want to say.
- "Terrorist" or "bomb"?Copy !req
124. - You said both the words.
- I understand.Copy !req
125. - I'm trying to tell you that I read—
- Stop trying to tell me and listen.Copy !req
126. Don't say words
that put people on edge.Copy !req
127. I'm trying to be informative.
It's not cool.Copy !req
128. Would you and your friend mind
stepping to the front of the plane?Copy !req
129. My friend?Copy !req
130. I'm sorry, I need you
to come with me, please.Copy !req
131. Listen. This clown,
I've never seen before in my life.Copy !req
132. That's not true.
We switched bags at curbside.Copy !req
133. - That was an accident. And he had—
Sir!Copy !req
134. Federal air marshal.
Please step to the front of the plane.Copy !req
135. What? Why?Copy !req
136. Drop the device.Copy !req
137. - It's not a device, it's a BlackBerry.
- Drop the device!Copy !req
138. What are you gonna do, rent-a-cop?
Shoot me—?Copy !req
139. It's okay, everyone. He'll be fine.Copy !req
140. It's only a rubber bullet.Copy !req
141. Good news, Mr. Highman.
They found your bags on the airplane.Copy !req
142. - Oh, good.
- Unfortunately, that plane's over Kansas.Copy !req
143. - Figures.
- But I do have your cell phone for you.Copy !req
144. Now, if you wouldn't mind just signing this.
It's a simple release.Copy !req
145. So I don't sue you.Copy !req
146. Just saying we acted in accordance
with state law.Copy !req
147. - Sure did.
- Good.Copy !req
148. If you put your address there,
I'll have your bags shipped.Copy !req
149. Let them land at LAX and I'll pick them up
when I get there. When's the next flight?Copy !req
150. - In an hour, but you won't be on it.
- Why's that?Copy !req
151. You're on the No-Fly list.Copy !req
152. - Why?
- It says right here.Copy !req
153. - You and your friend.
- Who?Copy !req
154. - The gentleman I just interviewed.
- I've never seen that dipshit before.Copy !req
155. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
156. - He had nice things to say about you.
- I'm on a No-Fly list? This is ridiculous.Copy !req
157. - Regardless—
- No.Copy !req
158. I have a pregnant wife, I have to get back.
This is a huge misunderstanding.Copy !req
159. - What am I supposed to do?
- Have you ever seen Forrest Gump?Copy !req
160. Yes.Copy !req
161. Well, he ran across country,
and he was pretty stupid.Copy !req
162. So I have faith in you.Copy !req
163. You're free to leave.Copy !req
164. What kind of incident?Copy !req
165. I'm probably overstating.Copy !req
166. It's the manageable kind.
A micro-incident.Copy !req
167. But it unfortunately landed me
on a No-Fly list.Copy !req
168. What did you do, Peter?
Did you snap at somebody?Copy !req
169. Nope. I did not. I was cool,
calm and collected the whole time.Copy !req
170. I was completely in my rights.Copy !req
171. You get so carried away sometimes.Copy !req
172. How are you gonna get home?Copy !req
173. I have a plan.
And the plan is sorting itself out.Copy !req
174. - But my wallet is traveling.
- What?Copy !req
175. The ID's in it, I've been trying
to rent a car, I had the office fax—Copy !req
176. But I am exhausting any
and all opportunities to—Copy !req
177. Hey! I've been looking all over for you.Copy !req
178. - Stay away from me.
But I found something of yours.Copy !req
179. Honey, this might all be solved.
I'll call you right back.Copy !req
180. Peter?Copy !req
181. You got my stuff?Copy !req
182. - I grabbed it before they zip-tied me.
- Rally Monkey?Copy !req
183. - You get my wallet?
- I didn't see it.Copy !req
184. Where's my bag?Copy !req
185. I saw your bag, but I didn't grab it
because my hands were full.Copy !req
186. You know, I had this thing in my hand.Copy !req
187. - What kind of car did you get?
- I didn't, because I don't have a license...Copy !req
188. because it's in my wallet
that's on the... Right?Copy !req
189. Oh, shoot. What a bummer.Copy !req
190. Yeah, bummer.Copy !req
191. Thanks for the doll.Copy !req
192. Fucking idiot.Copy !req
193. Hey, you wanna ride with us?Copy !req
194. No, I'm fine.
I'm not really a big dog person.Copy !req
195. Look, I know we got off
on the wrong foot.Copy !req
196. But I have a really great personality
once you get to know me.Copy !req
197. Yeah, I'm sure you do.Copy !req
198. I got 90 friends on Facebook.
Twelve pending, but I got 90 friends.Copy !req
199. I'll cover expenses.Copy !req
200. You can pay me back
when we get to Hollywood.Copy !req
201. L.A.
Huh?Copy !req
202. It's not called Hollywood.
It's Los Angeles.Copy !req
203. Yeah, but I'm going to Hollywood.Copy !req
204. What's your name?Copy !req
205. Peter.Copy !req
206. My name's Ethan. Ethan Tremblay.Copy !req
207. And this little guy...Copy !req
208. this little butterball...Copy !req
209. this is Sonny.Copy !req
210. And we would be honored
to have you ride with us. Come on.Copy !req
211. It'll be fun.Copy !req
212. JK. LOL.Copy !req
213. HI. "Hop in."Copy !req
214. Life's weird, isn't it? Buckle up.Copy !req
215. You have any brothers or sisters?
No.Copy !req
216. You have a dog?
Nope.Copy !req
217. Let me ask you this:
What's your favorite color?Copy !req
218. - Blue.
- That's so cool. Mine's green.Copy !req
219. Wow.Copy !req
220. - Do you like hot dogs?
- Yes, I do.Copy !req
221. I'm more of a corn-dog man, myself.Copy !req
222. I once ate a foot-long corn dog
on a nude beach.Copy !req
223. I'll never do that again.Copy !req
224. - At what age did you lose your virginity?
- I'm not gonna discuss that.Copy !req
225. - I was 9 years old.
- Boy.Copy !req
226. Great gal. Great gal.Copy !req
227. Sheila Pimples.Copy !req
228. I'm getting a headache,
not because of you.Copy !req
229. It's just, I'm under a lot of pressure.Copy !req
230. My wife and I are having a baby.Copy !req
231. - On Friday. That's who the monkey's for.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
232. - Yep. C-section.
- That's sweet.Copy !req
233. - So if we could just... Thanks.
- I understand. God, I totally understand.Copy !req
234. I was supposed to meet
a bigtime agent in Hollywood.Copy !req
235. Luckily, he postponed.Copy !req
236. - So you're an actor.
- Yep.Copy !req
237. Yep. You know what?Copy !req
238. In fact, I wouldn't mind having
a fresh pair of eyes—Copy !req
239. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
240. My apologies. Look at this.Copy !req
241. - Okay. If you'd just look at the road.
- I got it.Copy !req
242. - Oh, your headshots.
- Headshots.Copy !req
243. This one, this is a laid-back guy
with a Hawaiian shirt...Copy !req
244. but he packs a piece.Copy !req
245. - Interesting.
- Yep.Copy !req
246. This one was my father's favorite.Copy !req
247. He says it really showed my spirit.Copy !req
248. And I agree with him.Copy !req
249. What's that, a—?Copy !req
250. That's a gang member,
a construction worker, and...Copy !req
251. And a nerd. A professor.Copy !req
252. No. I'm Malcolm X.Copy !req
253. He thinks he's human. So stupid.Copy !req
254. What brought you to Atlanta?
Business or pleasure?Copy !req
255. - Business.
- Business.Copy !req
256. What kind of business?Copy !req
257. Architecture.Copy !req
258. - How'd you get into architecture?
- College. Anything else?Copy !req
259. - Because I'm trying to—
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
260. We're gonna be traveling.
It wouldn't hurt to get to know each other.Copy !req
261. Okay.Copy !req
262. Ethan, what brought you to Atlanta?
Business or pleasure?Copy !req
263. My daddy died.Copy !req
264. I went to Atlanta to go to his funeral.Copy !req
265. Gee, I didn't know. I'm sorry.Copy !req
266. He was a great guy, man.
That's why I'm heading out West.Copy !req
267. He's the one that motivated me
to get on the TV.Copy !req
268. - TV?
- Yeah.Copy !req
269. Tough business to break into.Copy !req
270. So competitive.Copy !req
271. I have a friend, he's in that industry.Copy !req
272. - Does he work on Two and a HalfMen?
- No. He—Copy !req
273. That's too bad.
Because Two and a Half Men...Copy !req
274. is the reason I wanted
to become an actor.Copy !req
275. - Right.
- Especially the second season.Copy !req
276. Here's the plan.Copy !req
277. We are just outside Birmingham...Copy !req
278. and we got a late start, so we will
only make it just to inside Louisiana.Copy !req
279. Early to bed, early to rise.Copy !req
280. Long 16- to 18-hour haul,
which will land us in Phoenix, Arizona.Copy !req
281. - Eight hours outside of L.A.
- You know what'd be nice?Copy !req
282. If we could stop at the Grand Canyon.Copy !req
283. We're not going to the Grand Canyon.Copy !req
284. That would be easily 120 miles off
our optimum route.Copy !req
285. That's too bad.Copy !req
286. Daddy would've loved
the Grand Canyon.Copy !req
287. Why do you even have this?Copy !req
288. Oh, because this is my daddy.Copy !req
289. These are his ashes.Copy !req
290. Why are your father's ashes
in a coffee can, Ethan?Copy !req
291. Because he's dead, Peter.Copy !req
292. - I know. I know that part.
- Don't you listen to anything?Copy !req
293. I'm just saying,
normal people put remains in an urn.Copy !req
294. This is vacuum-sealed.Copy !req
295. You broke the seal
when you poured out the coffee.Copy !req
296. You poured your father's remains in
and closed it. That didn't reseal it.Copy !req
297. That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard in my life.Copy !req
298. God. We shouldn't have come here.Copy !req
299. I'm allergic to waffles.Copy !req
300. Come on, Sonny. Thank you.Copy !req
301. We need to make a brief pit stop
in Birmingham.Copy !req
302. Actually, our next stop is Shreveport.
That's where we rest.Copy !req
303. - It's 10 minutes away.
- Let's see if we can make it.Copy !req
304. Why you making a pit stop in Birmingham?
We gotta make time.Copy !req
305. I left my glaucoma medication
on the plane.Copy !req
306. Wait, wait, wait. Your what?Copy !req
307. You mean your weed?Copy !req
308. - It's medical marijuana, Peter.
- No, it's weed.Copy !req
309. - Why do you make everything so dark?
- It's weed.Copy !req
310. I'm saying I really don't want to stop
and buy drugs. Is that okay?Copy !req
311. I didn't want to play this card,
certainly not this early.Copy !req
312. But guess what. Guess who's got
the Subaru lmpreza. Me.Copy !req
313. Guess who's got all the money. Me.Copy !req
314. Guess who's got
a winning personality. Me.Copy !req
315. What do you have?
You have a nice hairline, fine.Copy !req
316. You have a strong jaw, fine.Copy !req
317. But I gotta tell you something, mister.Copy !req
318. Your personality needs some work.Copy !req
319. My God.Copy !req
320. Now, do you want a ride
to California or not?Copy !req
321. - Yes, please.
- Good. Hold Dad.Copy !req
322. - Dad!
- I'm sorry. I got it. I got it, I got it.Copy !req
323. Okay. God Almighty, holy moly.
It's like I'm traveling with a child.Copy !req
324. - Did you use the restroom?
- I need to take a pee-pee.Copy !req
325. Peter?
- Crisis averted, I'm driving.Copy !req
326. - Driving how?
- Let me talk to her.Copy !req
327. With a guy— Please don't.
With a guy that I met in a rent-a-car.Copy !req
328. You're gonna drive 2000 miles
with a guy you just met?Copy !req
329. Say hi to—Copy !req
330. Sarah? Hi, this is Ethan Tremblay.
I'm riding with Peter. How are you?Copy !req
331. I'm fine. How are you?Copy !req
332. Good, good. I wanted to let you know
I have your package, and he is A-okay.Copy !req
333. And I will have him
delivered by Thursday.Copy !req
334. Thank you so much.Copy !req
335. Hey, Sarah? One other thing.
Do you have a hairdresser out West?Copy !req
336. I got this killer perm,
and it needs major upkeep.Copy !req
337. I'm sorry, did you say
that you have a perm?Copy !req
338. Yeah, a perm. Like a permanent.Copy !req
339. It's heinous.
Do you mind?Copy !req
340. - Can I just talk to my husband, please?
- Yeah. Okay, hold on.Copy !req
341. - She wants to talk to you.
- I know.Copy !req
342. - So that's what I'm dealing with.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
343. Yep. God bless us all.Copy !req
344. - Stop worrying.
- I'm not worried.Copy !req
345. She's very legitimate.
I found her on Craigslist.Copy !req
346. Who is it?Copy !req
347. Fantastic.Copy !req
348. Hi. It's Ethan. I called you earlier.Copy !req
349. Honestly, like two minutes, okay?
Just buy it and then go.Copy !req
350. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
351. - That was fast.
- Yeah, we were very close.Copy !req
352. I'm Ethan, this is Peter.Copy !req
353. - Are you a cop?
- Why? Are you not a licensed pharmacist?Copy !req
354. Okay, you just look really official.Copy !req
355. And you know if I ask you if you're a cop
and you are a cop, you have to say yes.Copy !req
356. That's a myth. That's actually incorrect.
But I'm not.Copy !req
357. - No, he's an architect.
- I'm an architect. So...Copy !req
358. - Wait, it's a myth?
- Yeah.Copy !req
359. Shit! I did not know that
this whole fucking time.Copy !req
360. - That's good news.
- You're fucking scary, is what you are.Copy !req
361. - Come in. The pharmacy's in the kitchen.
- Thank you.Copy !req
362. Hey, Peter, can you watch my kids just for
five minutes, while we han— You know.Copy !req
363. - Real quick.
- Thanks.Copy !req
364. Who are you?Copy !req
365. I'm Peter.Copy !req
366. I'm Alex. This is Patrick.Copy !req
367. Great. Alex. Mommy gave you
a boy's name.Copy !req
368. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
369. Alex is also a name for a boy.Copy !req
370. So your mom kind of screwed you.Copy !req
371. Sorry, my hand slipped.Copy !req
372. That one I just got in. It's an Afghan blend
of Wild Widow and AK-47.Copy !req
373. You know, I'm not crazy about blends.Copy !req
374. I find that the high is a bit shapeless.Copy !req
375. A purist. Well, that's cool.Copy !req
376. You'd probably love Northern Lights.Copy !req
377. I mean, this has got great body.
It smokes like a fucking dream.Copy !req
378. Oh, that's just Barry.
He's renting a room from me.Copy !req
379. Hey, Barry. How you doing? I'm Ethan.Copy !req
380. Listen, did you remember to TiVo
Judge Mathis?Copy !req
381. Yeah. It's on there,
if you just look at the menu.Copy !req
382. Nice perm, man. Well done.
Well done on that perm.Copy !req
383. Oh, thanks, bro.
It's not a perm, it's natural.Copy !req
384. Nobody gets perms anymore.Copy !req
385. Wait, wait. Don't tell me. Is that a perm?Copy !req
386. Yeah. It's a perm. Yeah.Copy !req
387. Oh, my God.
You didn't have your real hair.Copy !req
388. - Where do you even get those anymore?
- I know! It's like...Copy !req
389. I was just kidding about—
This isn't a perm.Copy !req
390. Excuse me?
- This isn't a perm. I was joking.Copy !req
391. - Oh, my God. Thank God. Because I was—
- Ha, ha!Copy !req
392. You got us. You got us both, man.Copy !req
393. You know, only, like,
fucking jerk-offs get perms.Copy !req
394. - That was good. Very good.
- That was hilarious.Copy !req
395. - Where are you from?
- Los Angeles.Copy !req
396. - Is that where you're going?
Mm-hm.Copy !req
397. Can you take us with you?Copy !req
398. No, but there's an organization
called Child Protective Services.Copy !req
399. - What's this?
- It's a tie. You've never seen a tie before?Copy !req
400. Why do you wear it?Copy !req
401. Because I wear it.Copy !req
402. - It looks stupid.
- Well, it's not.Copy !req
403. Just take your hands off of me.Copy !req
404. Please stop doing that.Copy !req
405. Stop. Please stop doing that now.Copy !req
406. - Will you please—?
- It's Reggie.Copy !req
407. Is that right? Well, maybe Reggie
needs to take a nap.Copy !req
408. Hey, quit it. I'm not kidding.Copy !req
409. You okay, bubba?Copy !req
410. - What?
- Nothing.Copy !req
411. "Nothing" is right.Copy !req
412. And now, you come to me and you say:Copy !req
413. "Don Corleone, give me justice."Copy !req
414. But you don't even have the decency
to call me the Godfather.Copy !req
415. And you come to my house...Copy !req
416. on the day that my daughter
is to be married...Copy !req
417. and you ask me to kill someone.Copy !req
418. For money.Copy !req
419. But that is not justice.Copy !req
420. That's amazing.
I had chills, like, that second paragraph.Copy !req
421. When the line— The murder.
That is so fucking good, Ethan.Copy !req
422. Thank you. I've been
working on the hand gestures to get it right.Copy !req
423. Did you write that yourself?Copy !req
424. No. The Mafia wrote it.Copy !req
425. Oh, that was so—
It was nice meeting you, anyway.Copy !req
426. Play it cool, or I'll thump you again.Copy !req
427. Sure, sure. You all set?Copy !req
428. Yeah. Good to go.Copy !req
429. How were they?
They behave themselves?Copy !req
430. Pretty much. Pretty much.Copy !req
431. Oh, good.
Yeah.Copy !req
432. I mean, they're great kids.Copy !req
433. We good?Copy !req
434. - See you. Good luck.
Bye-bye. Bye.Copy !req
435. Good luck with your acting stuff.Copy !req
436. —is judging the character.Copy !req
437. When an actor is preparing a scene...Copy !req
438. first thing is read the scene over
many times.Copy !req
439. First, before you do any work on it,
let it work on you.Copy !req
440. Read the material over and over again.
The entire script, if at all possible.Copy !req
441. Hey, Hollywood.Copy !req
442. Card's been declined.Copy !req
443. - What's that?
- Your card? It's no good.Copy !req
444. - Oh, gosh.
- It's okay.Copy !req
445. You know what? I bet I tapped it out
when I rented this car.Copy !req
446. Great. We'll pay cash.
How much you got?Copy !req
447. Sixty bucks.Copy !req
448. You have 60 bucks entirely?Copy !req
449. - Yes.
- How much did you spend on marijuana?Copy !req
450. - On your medicine?
- I don't know, around 200 bucks.Copy !req
451. - Two hundred bucks?
- Yeah.Copy !req
452. Sixty bucks for gas, food,
lodging, everything?Copy !req
453. She's the only dealer in town.
She names her price.Copy !req
454. What were you thinking when you spent
almost all of our money on drugs?Copy !req
455. - I don't think in those terms.
- What terms do you think in?Copy !req
456. I'm not an accountant.
I'm not even Jewish.Copy !req
457. - Are you an adult?
- Of course I'm an adult. I'm 23 years old.Copy !req
458. You are the most shot-out
23-year-old I've ever seen.Copy !req
459. How have you made it?
How have you not run yourself over?Copy !req
460. I've done that.Copy !req
461. How have you survived?
That's my question.Copy !req
462. - Mostly luck.
- Yeah.Copy !req
463. That's what I thought.
Just dumb fucking luck.Copy !req
464. - Fuck me.
- Whoa! For heaven's sakes, Peter.Copy !req
465. - We're screwed, Ethan.
- How so?Copy !req
466. - You spent all our money on weed!
- It's just another speed bump.Copy !req
467. You know what? I'm gonna call my wife.
She's gonna wire me money. That's it.Copy !req
468. She can't. You don't have an lD.Copy !req
469. She'll wire it to you.
See? That's an adult solving a problem.Copy !req
470. - Let's go.
- I told you I was lucky.Copy !req
471. Get in the car.Copy !req
472. Hold on one second. I'm gonna go get
a brochure for my scrapbook, okay?Copy !req
473. - How do you spell the last name?
T-R-E-M-B-L-A-Y.Copy !req
474. Here we go.
Five hundred dollars. Ethan Tremblay.Copy !req
475. I just need to see an ID.Copy !req
476. There you go.Copy !req
477. Yeah, this doesn't say Tremblay.Copy !req
478. It says Ethan Chase.Copy !req
479. Oh, jeepers creepers.
He's right, he's right.Copy !req
480. What do you mean, "he's right"?Copy !req
481. Ethan Tremblay is my stage name.
I'm an actor.Copy !req
482. - Your stage name. What is your real name?
- Ethan Chase.Copy !req
483. - It doesn't sound like an actor's name.
- Ethan Chase does.Copy !req
484. Ethan Tremblay doesn't
make any goddamn sense.Copy !req
485. It sounds like it was made up.Copy !req
486. Yeah, I made it up.Copy !req
487. Ethan, I know you made it up.
It's your fucking stage name.Copy !req
488. Why did you have my wife wire money
to your stage name?Copy !req
489. - I wasn't thinking.
- Right.Copy !req
490. Just trying to commit to the new name.Copy !req
491. Do you guys wanna discuss this,
perhaps out in the parking lot?Copy !req
492. One sec. Do you have anything else
with your name on it?Copy !req
493. - Yes. Of course. Yes, yes.
Good.Copy !req
494. What was I thinking?Copy !req
495. He has two names.
- That's fantastic.Copy !req
496. But one sec.Copy !req
497. - What the fuck is this?
- It's an ID.Copy !req
498. It's a photo lD.Copy !req
499. - No, I can't accept this either.
- Why?Copy !req
500. Because it's a picture of yourself.
Anyone could take a picture...Copy !req
501. in a beautiful turtleneck,
put whatever name they want.Copy !req
502. But why go to all that trouble
just for 500 bucks?Copy !req
503. I don't know why you would,
but you could.Copy !req
504. So I get to call my pregnant wife and have
her drive all the way to Western Union.Copy !req
505. Start this whole process all over again,
send it to the correct name...Copy !req
506. and we'll be good.Copy !req
507. - Absolutely.
Great.Copy !req
508. We'll have to do that tomorrow.
We close in five minutes.Copy !req
509. It's 6:35, sir.Copy !req
510. What are you, my boss?
You make the hours?Copy !req
511. I say when we close. I got reservations
at Chili's. I'm meeting my boys.Copy !req
512. - You have a reservation at Chili's?
Mm-hm.Copy !req
513. That's actually smart. I mean,
it gets busy on a Wednesday night.Copy !req
514. Are you gonna stare at me?Copy !req
515. Do your fucking job
until your shift is over, hillbilly.Copy !req
516. - Keep dreaming, faggot. No way in hell.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
517. Excuse me, Peter. Sir.Copy !req
518. I'm sorry about my friend. We really just
need the money to get to Los Angeles...Copy !req
519. so he can be there
for the birth of his first child.Copy !req
520. That's such a sweet story. You know
where I was when my daughter was born?Copy !req
521. Chili's?
- Iraq.Copy !req
522. How about I call my sergeant in Fallujah
and tell him your story, see what he thinks?Copy !req
523. Aren't you closing?
Is it gonna take a long time?Copy !req
524. He's being sarcastic, Ethan,
and also letting us know...Copy !req
525. that he's a "battle-hardened" veteran...Copy !req
526. who did some half-assed tour
and talks about it all the time.Copy !req
527. How dare you.Copy !req
528. - Smooth move, that.
- You're sick.Copy !req
529. You fucked up. Bigtime.Copy !req
530. - I fucked up?
- Yeah.Copy !req
531. I fucked up bigtime?Copy !req
532. You spit on your own window.Copy !req
533. - Let's get out of here.
- Hey, sport?Copy !req
534. What were you saying about
my half-assed tour of duty?Copy !req
535. - I'm sorry. I had no idea.
No idea what?Copy !req
536. - I'm handicapable?
Handicapable.Copy !req
537. - How could you know?
- I couldn't know, and I'm sorry.Copy !req
538. Can I tell you something? Honestly,
it's my fault. I'm just having a bad day.Copy !req
539. You had a bad day?
- Yeah.Copy !req
540. It's about to get a whole lot worse.Copy !req
541. - Okay, now put that away before you—
Help!Copy !req
542. Oh, I know that shit hurt, huh?Copy !req
543. - Ah. Fucking hick.
Oh, God.Copy !req
544. The kid's got moves.Copy !req
545. You wanna fuck up my dinner plans,
I'll fuck you up.Copy !req
546. I call that little move "the wheelbarrow."Copy !req
547. Peter, get up, get up.
- Come on. Come on.Copy !req
548. - Courtesy of Western Union, huh?
- Hold on one second.Copy !req
549. - Oh, where you going, huh?
Call the cops.Copy !req
550. Fuck the cops.Copy !req
551. Here comes the train.
Choo-choo!Copy !req
552. It's closing timeCopy !req
553. Time to roll to Chili'sCopy !req
554. And chow down with my fuckin' boysCopy !req
555. You okay, buddy?Copy !req
556. Don't call me that. Buddies have each
other's backs when an assault takes place.Copy !req
557. Peter, that man was handicapped.Copy !req
558. You can call me Peter. Or Mr. Highman.Copy !req
559. I'll call you Mr. Chase.
Unless that was a fake lD too.Copy !req
560. Why you have a stage name is beyond me.
You're not really an actor.Copy !req
561. What does that mean, "really an actor"?
What is a real actor?Copy !req
562. A real actor is someone
who can really act.Copy !req
563. Well, go ahead, give me an action to do.
Give me a scene.Copy !req
564. - No. I don't want to.
- You should.Copy !req
565. Okay. I'm Julia Roberts.Copy !req
566. You have terminal cancer.Copy !req
567. We're engaged.Copy !req
568. Break the news to me.Copy !req
569. Julia Roberts...Copy !req
570. as you know, we're engaged.Copy !req
571. I have terminal cancer.Copy !req
572. Awful.Copy !req
573. - What?
- Sorry, that's my feedback.Copy !req
574. - I thought that was really good.
- Nope.Copy !req
575. I'll give you one more shot.
It's Super Bowl Sunday.Copy !req
576. You're a coach with a spotty career.Copy !req
577. You're down 31 points.Copy !req
578. Bust into the locker room
and fire the guys up.Copy !req
579. All or nothing. Action.Copy !req
580. - Stupid. That would never be in a movie.
- It's in a movie every two years.Copy !req
581. Every two years.Copy !req
582. Okay, guys, we need to get out there.Copy !req
583. Really need to get going.
Pollard, what are you doing?Copy !req
584. You're acting like a girl out there.
What are you, a girl or something?Copy !req
585. Jackson, come on, man,
you gotta get yourself together.Copy !req
586. - What are you, a girl or something?
- Let's up the stakes. Your wife calls.Copy !req
587. She wants a divorce.Copy !req
588. - The coach's wife?
- The coach you're playing.Copy !req
589. His wife calls. She wants a divorce.Copy !req
590. Ring-ring.Copy !req
591. Hello?Copy !req
592. Hey, fellas, it's gonna be a minute.
It's my wife. She wants a divorce.Copy !req
593. Hey, sweetheart.Copy !req
594. What's that?Copy !req
595. No, don't—Copy !req
596. This is not a good time.Copy !req
597. Because I lost my dad,
I don't want you to leave me right now.Copy !req
598. I don't wanna be left alone.Copy !req
599. I miss him so much.Copy !req
600. You can't do this.Copy !req
601. I got soda. I got water.Copy !req
602. Okay. Great.Copy !req
603. Thank you.Copy !req
604. - Crazy rain.
- Nuts.Copy !req
605. I think we're done for today.
We'll sleep in the car.Copy !req
606. Okay.Copy !req
607. We'll kill it tomorrow. But this is...Copy !req
608. So tell me something about your dad.
What did he do for a living?Copy !req
609. He was a toll-booth operator.Copy !req
610. Really?Copy !req
611. He was a real people person.
He loved his job.Copy !req
612. He'd come home every night and he'd laugh
about how long his line was.Copy !req
613. Because he enjoyed talking to everybody
that went through the toll booth.Copy !req
614. Oh.Copy !req
615. What about you? Where's your dad?Copy !req
616. Uh...Copy !req
617. No idea.Copy !req
618. When's the last time you saw him?Copy !req
619. 1977.Copy !req
620. Ooh.Copy !req
621. Ouch.Copy !req
622. Yep. Came into my room, said,
"Petey, I got an important job for you.Copy !req
623. I need you to wake me up,
5:30 tomorrow morning."Copy !req
624. And I was ecstatic because
he never asked me to do anything.Copy !req
625. I didn't even know I existed
in his eyes. So...Copy !req
626. It was just a big deal. I was so excited.Copy !req
627. I set the alarm clock. I could barely sleep.
I just watched it all night.Copy !req
628. When it went off at 5:30,
I snuck into his room...Copy !req
629. I gingerly wake him up.Copy !req
630. He smiled at me.Copy !req
631. First time I ever saw him...Copy !req
632. uh, smile.Copy !req
633. But he had his bags packed
by the front door...Copy !req
634. and he picked them up,
put them in the back of his car...Copy !req
635. and drove away.Copy !req
636. Last time I ever saw him.Copy !req
637. It's so funny.Copy !req
638. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
639. My dad would never do that.
He loved me.Copy !req
640. What's that sound?Copy !req
641. What sound?Copy !req
642. Mm.Copy !req
643. No, it stopped.Copy !req
644. - Okay, it's back.
- That's me. I'm just masturbating.Copy !req
645. What? Why?Copy !req
646. This is how I go to sleep.Copy !req
647. Oh, don't, don't, don't. Come on, dude.Copy !req
648. I'm right here next to you.Copy !req
649. Just shut your eyes, Peter.Copy !req
650. They're closed. The sound.Copy !req
651. Just bear with me.Copy !req
652. - How long is this gonna take?
- Ugh!Copy !req
653. If you keep interrupting me
it's gonna take a little longer...Copy !req
654. but it usually just takes
about 35 minutes.Copy !req
655. Is that all?Copy !req
656. Your fucking dog's doing it too.Copy !req
657. Sonny! Stop!Copy !req
658. Sonny, no. Stop.Copy !req
659. Good boy.Copy !req
660. Come here, garbage face. Come here.Copy !req
661. Don't even think about it.
Had to be done.Copy !req
662. Please. Don't.Copy !req
663. Intolerable. Lntolerable.Copy !req
664. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
665. Goddamn it. No.Copy !req
666. Great. This is great.Copy !req
667. Fuck.Copy !req
668. Don't.Copy !req
669. Okay.Copy !req
670. We are gathered in the presence
of the Lord and all things holy...Copy !req
671. to celebrate the passing of one Mr.--
I don't remember his fucking name.Copy !req
672. Chase. Or a.k.a. Tremblay.Copy !req
673. May he forever reside and dwell
in the sunlight of the spirit.Copy !req
674. Amen.Copy !req
675. You know, I just wanna offer
an explanation, sir...Copy !req
676. as to why you wound up
on the side of lnterstate 20.Copy !req
677. It's not your fault. It's your kid.Copy !req
678. He's an incredibly difficult person
to travel with.Copy !req
679. In fact, I don't know how or why...Copy !req
680. you didn't just strangle him
in the fucking crib.Copy !req
681. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
682. Forget something?Copy !req
683. No. I got...Copy !req
684. I got coffee.Copy !req
685. Dunkin' Donuts.Copy !req
686. Thought maybe you left me.Copy !req
687. I picked up breakfast
so we can eat on the road, make up time.Copy !req
688. - Why'd you leave my stuff out here?
- It's your property.Copy !req
689. - That makes sense.
- Yep.Copy !req
690. Want me to drive?Copy !req
691. - It is your shift.
- Okay. Very good.Copy !req
692. I'll grab the other items.Copy !req
693. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
694. Come on, Sonny.Copy !req
695. Sonny, come on.Copy !req
696. I was thinking, "There's no way
that Peter would have left me here.Copy !req
697. We've had our bumps in the road,
but he's not gonna leave me."Copy !req
698. - Oh, please, no. It's not my car.
- Right.Copy !req
699. Yeah. Come on. Get in, Sonny.Copy !req
700. You know, my mind works
in mysterious ways.Copy !req
701. And I thought, "God, why would
he wanna travel alone, you know?"Copy !req
702. You have a nice shower?Copy !req
703. - Yes, excellent.
- Great.Copy !req
704. You know, rest areas
have the nicest showers.Copy !req
705. The nicest showers.Copy !req
706. This coffee's hot.Copy !req
707. - It's hot coffee.
- Whoo!Copy !req
708. - Have we crossed the Mississippi River?
- We're in Texas.Copy !req
709. The Mississippi River was the river
we crossed in Mississippi.Copy !req
710. That's too bad.Copy !req
711. Would have been a great sendoff
for my papa.Copy !req
712. Put his ashes in the old river. Let the ashes
float down to New Orleans, you know?Copy !req
713. Spend Mardi Gras there.Copy !req
714. - I'm gonna get some shuteye, okay?
- Nothing he loved more than jazz music...Copy !req
715. and women's titties.Copy !req
716. - Did I snore last night?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
717. Sorry. I'm a deep sleeper.
It's a condition.Copy !req
718. You know when they say, "That guy
could sleep through an earthquake"?Copy !req
719. I've actually slept
through an earthquake.Copy !req
720. I also fell asleep during a job interview
at Bank of America.Copy !req
721. I didn't sleep last night.
I'm gonna try now.Copy !req
722. You should have masturbated...Copy !req
723. because I had a glorious orgasm
and I slept like a baby.Copy !req
724. —of a gentle coastCopy !req
725. And a sun to maybe dissipateCopy !req
726. Shadows of the mess you madeCopy !req
727. Hey! Get up!Copy !req
728. Ethan, wake up! Goddamn it!Copy !req
729. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
730. No!Copy !req
731. I can't feel my arm.Copy !req
732. What happened?Copy !req
733. I'll see if the rental agreement's in the...Copy !req
734. You know what? I have coverage.Copy !req
735. That's good.Copy !req
736. - Stay away from me.
- Jeez Louise, are you okay?Copy !req
737. Am I okay? Do I look okay?Copy !req
738. I have a broken arm, three cracked ribs.Copy !req
739. I have seven stitches in my armpit.
Does that answer your question?Copy !req
740. No, not okay.Copy !req
741. - Peter, I am terribly sorry.
- Are you?Copy !req
742. Sonny's all banged up. I'm a wreck.
You don't have a scratch.Copy !req
743. Doctor said I was in such a deep sleep
I didn't tense up.Copy !req
744. - I told you I was a deep sleeper.
- Yeah.Copy !req
745. Did the doctor say it is not advisable
to fall asleep while driving?Copy !req
746. I was just trying to rest my eyes
for a few seconds.Copy !req
747. But seriously, next time
try not to tense up. Really.Copy !req
748. One sec.
Who's that?Copy !req
749. My actual friend. He's come to pick me up.
All the way from Dallas.Copy !req
750. - Oh, good. Shotgun.
- Nope. Not us.Copy !req
751. Just me. We're done.Copy !req
752. And by the way,
it's been a fucking pleasure.Copy !req
753. But just so my conscience is clear,
let me let you know...Copy !req
754. why you're not coming with us, okay?Copy !req
755. It's not because you got me kicked off
a plane and shot by an air marshal.Copy !req
756. Not because you stood by as I had my ass
handed to me by a handicapped hillbilly.Copy !req
757. I am certainly not leaving you here...Copy !req
758. because you almost got me killed
during the most important week of my life.Copy !req
759. I am leaving you here
for a far more fundamental reason:Copy !req
760. I despise who you are at a cellular level.Copy !req
761. I've heard that before,
and I'm trying to work on it.Copy !req
762. - Great. Now hear this:
- Yes.Copy !req
763. Beware. I'm warning you,
don't go to Hollywood.Copy !req
764. The streets are not paved with gold.
They are paved with the carcasses...Copy !req
765. of imbeciles like you
who think they're gonna make it.Copy !req
766. "Pray you, avoid it."Copy !req
767. Did you get that? That was Shakespeare.
Heard of him?Copy !req
768. Yes, I've heard of him.
He's a famous pirate.Copy !req
769. And by the way, it's Shakesbeard.Copy !req
770. Let me give you a little bit
of friendly advice.Copy !req
771. Nobody who calls themselves "Hollywood"
has ever made it in Hollywood.Copy !req
772. That I've never heard before.Copy !req
773. Sonny, you will be sorely missed,
you little bat-faced piece of shit.Copy !req
774. - I have never...
- Well, get used to it.Copy !req
775. in all of my 23 years!Copy !req
776. - Come on, let's get out of here.
- What the fuck?Copy !req
777. - We're moving out.
- You all right?Copy !req
778. - What's going on?
- Thank you so much.Copy !req
779. Who's the dude you yelling at?Copy !req
780. He's nobody. A guy I was traveling with.
He's trouble.Copy !req
781. He looks sad as shit.Copy !req
782. - And you just spit on his dog.
- I spit on his d— God, I did.Copy !req
783. I was seeing red because he has a way of
getting under your skin. I'm fine. Let's go.Copy !req
784. - You wanna leave him here?
- Trust me.Copy !req
785. - Pete, how long have I known you?
- Twenty years.Copy !req
786. - Twenty years.
- Yep.Copy !req
787. Your energy's off. You don't wanna mess
your karma up. You have a child coming.Copy !req
788. So whatever you need to do to fix between
you and DeBarge, you need to fix it.Copy !req
789. Trust me.Copy !req
790. Make it right.Copy !req
791. Hollywood, come here.Copy !req
792. - You see what I'm working with here?
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
793. Okay, I've calmed down a bit.Copy !req
794. - You ready to apologize?
- What? Fuck you!Copy !req
795. - Wait. Oh, no.
- Let's go.Copy !req
796. Pete, Pete, relax.Copy !req
797. Fix it.Copy !req
798. First of all,
I'm sorry that I spat on Sonny.Copy !req
799. I have no recollection
of that whatsoever.Copy !req
800. Now, if you're gonna travel
with me to Los Angeles...Copy !req
801. I gotta give you a couple guidelines.
Number one:Copy !req
802. If you ask me a single question,
I'm going to flip out on you.Copy !req
803. - So don't do that. Do you understand?
- Somewhat, yes.Copy !req
804. Number two:
If you fall asleep for any reason...Copy !req
805. other than the fact that
you're in a bed and it's nighttime...Copy !req
806. I will disembowel you.Copy !req
807. Make sense?Copy !req
808. - Somewhat.
- Great.Copy !req
809. if you're allergic to waffles,
don't eat waffles.Copy !req
810. - Then don't take me to a Waffle House.
- Shut up!Copy !req
811. - Relax.
- Get your stuff and get in back.Copy !req
812. - Hold Sonny.
- Nope.Copy !req
813. Hand me that dog, I will rip it in half.Copy !req
814. You better check yourself
before you wreck yourself.Copy !req
815. And then, his fault,
we're both put on a No-Fly list.Copy !req
816. - A No-Fly list? You?
- Yeah, and it just—Copy !req
817. Yeah. Just got worse from there.
Because he's pathological, I think.Copy !req
818. He'll just start beating off.Copy !req
819. - What?
- Yes.Copy !req
820. - No lotion?
- No, no, he was dry-docking.Copy !req
821. Is that a drainage ditch coming up?Copy !req
822. Yes, it is.Copy !req
823. - Would you mind?
- I'm hitting it.Copy !req
824. Real hard.Copy !req
825. Ethan, you all right?Copy !req
826. Yeah, we're good.Copy !req
827. Next time, don't tense up your body.
Just stay loose.Copy !req
828. - There's another one up here too.
- Want to hit him again?Copy !req
829. We can't take your Range Rover, D.Copy !req
830. Yes, you can. I prefer my pickup anyway.Copy !req
831. - I'll ship it back as soon as I get there.
- No need. I'll be in L.A. on Friday.Copy !req
832. You will? What are you doing in L.A.?Copy !req
833. I'm not gonna miss
the birth of your baby.Copy !req
834. But let me ask you: Doesn't it burn you up
that she's getting a C-section?Copy !req
835. I mean, that body was so flawless,
just banging.Copy !req
836. How did you know we were
getting a C-section?Copy !req
837. She told me. Coffee?Copy !req
838. Sure.Copy !req
839. What is going on?Copy !req
840. What are you talking about?Copy !req
841. What's with all these stories
he has about your wife?Copy !req
842. They used to date in college?Copy !req
843. It was like 20 years ago.Copy !req
844. Yeah, but come on, you don't see it?Copy !req
845. This guy's good-looking.
He's a football player. He's charming.Copy !req
846. - You don't know what you're talking about.
- He has beautiful hands.Copy !req
847. I think there's something going on.Copy !req
848. Here you go.
- What's this picture from?Copy !req
849. What's that?
- This picture of you and Sarah.Copy !req
850. Oh, yeah, that was February.
We was in San Diego.Copy !req
851. She didn't tell you?Copy !req
852. She mentioned that she bumped into you.
She didn't say that—Copy !req
853. That we were throwing them back.
Getting wasted, having a good time.Copy !req
854. Just sort of reliving some things,
you know, just...Copy !req
855. - Real good girl. Fantastic.
- She is. Slipped her mind.Copy !req
856. February. Isn't that about
nine months ago?Copy !req
857. - No questions.
- Nine, 10 months.Copy !req
858. Nine.Copy !req
859. Where you at with the names?
She said you were being a real hard-ass.Copy !req
860. - She said that?
- Yeah, she hit me in a e-mail.Copy !req
861. - You and his wife exchange e-mails?
- Yeah.Copy !req
862. What else do you exchange?Copy !req
863. Ethan.
- Body fluids?Copy !req
864. - What is he talking about?
- I don't even listen to him.Copy !req
865. This is not bothering you? The e-mails—Copy !req
866. Each other's ejaculate?Copy !req
867. What?Copy !req
868. It's when your urine turns white.Copy !req
869. Okay, new rule: You can't...Copy !req
870. say a fucking word.Copy !req
871. This is horrible. It tastes like cat litter.Copy !req
872. I think it tastes delicious.Copy !req
873. You should. I was all out,
so I used the coffee you brought.Copy !req
874. Oh, boy.Copy !req
875. That's his dad, it's his dad.Copy !req
876. Fine. I'll buy some other coffee.
I apologize. What's the big deal?Copy !req
877. His dad is the coffee.Copy !req
878. He passed away and his remains
were in the fucking can.Copy !req
879. Get him the fuck out.
The beard, the dog, get him out!Copy !req
880. - I get it.
- Get him out!Copy !req
881. I know. It took eight minutes, right?Copy !req
882. Oh, God! So stupid!Copy !req
883. Where are the ashes?
Where are my dad's ashes?Copy !req
884. Relax.Copy !req
885. - It was an accident.
- Where is it?Copy !req
886. - Where?
Right where I'm pointing.Copy !req
887. There's the coffee machine right there.Copy !req
888. There's the can, there's the coffeemaker.Copy !req
889. We're gonna retrieve this.
I got it, I got it. Slow down, it's okay.Copy !req
890. Can we just calm down?Copy !req
891. Let me take it.Copy !req
892. Oh, God.Copy !req
893. Will you relax?Copy !req
894. Oh!Copy !req
895. It's okay.Copy !req
896. Come here, I'll help you pick it up.Copy !req
897. There we go.Copy !req
898. Get it back in there.Copy !req
899. I'm sorry we drank your father.Copy !req
900. It's okay.Copy !req
901. Are you all right? Are you sure?Copy !req
902. Yeah, there's plenty of him still in here.Copy !req
903. Darryl only made three cups of coffee...Copy !req
904. and I think there's about eight cups
of my dad left in here.Copy !req
905. Great.Copy !req
906. At least he tasted good.Copy !req
907. Not bad.Copy !req
908. Yeah, strong.Copy !req
909. He was full-flavored.Copy !req
910. Robust blend.Copy !req
911. He really enjoyed coffee.Copy !req
912. And in the end,
he was enjoyed as coffee.Copy !req
913. Kind of circle of life.Copy !req
914. Lion King. All that.Copy !req
915. I'll tell you what, the moratorium on
asking questions is officially lifted.Copy !req
916. Fire away.Copy !req
917. Okay.Copy !req
918. - How's your arm?
- Not bad.Copy !req
919. Do you think Darryl slept with your wife?Copy !req
920. - No.
- I do.Copy !req
921. I mean, why would he lend you
this very fancy car...Copy !req
922. and give you all that
walking-around money? It's...Copy !req
923. Because he's my friend.Copy !req
924. That's why.Copy !req
925. Have you ever been
to the San Diego Zoo?Copy !req
926. I have a question for you.Copy !req
927. How did those three questions
come into your head?Copy !req
928. I was thinking about your wife and Darryl,
Darryl getting your wife pregnant.Copy !req
929. What their baby would look like,
maybe like a zebra baby.Copy !req
930. Then I thought,
"Well, I've never seen a zebra."Copy !req
931. And I thought, "Well, I should maybe
go to the San Diego Zoo...Copy !req
932. - ... when we get to California—"
- Nope, I've never been to the zoo.Copy !req
933. Next question, please.Copy !req
934. Hey, hon.Copy !req
935. It's your ever-faithful and adoring husband
calling from West Texas.Copy !req
936. Just checking in.Copy !req
937. Weird, it went to voicemail.
Are you on the other line with Darryl?Copy !req
938. I actually talked to him...Copy !req
939. and he told me about the lovely weekend
you guys spent in San Diego.Copy !req
940. Didn't jibe with the way
you recounted it...Copy !req
941. so maybe with all your e-mails
and phone calls...Copy !req
942. you can get your story straight.Copy !req
943. If there's something you need to tell me
before we go down this road...Copy !req
944. if I'm gonna have a surprise
in the delivery room...Copy !req
945. I would just appreciate it
that you erase any and all—Copy !req
946. Call me.Copy !req
947. - Was I right or was I wrong?
- About what?Copy !req
948. The Darryl thing, your wife,
and the mystery about the baby.Copy !req
949. She's sleeping. I left a message.Copy !req
950. And the casual manner with which you
bring up this topic, it makes me edgy.Copy !req
951. So if you wouldn't mind not doing that
anymore I'd really appreciate it.Copy !req
952. - I got some snacks.
- Yes, I see.Copy !req
953. Unfortunately, I need you to drive.
I'm on Vicodin.Copy !req
954. I'm not supposed to operate
heavy machinery.Copy !req
955. I will tell you this:Copy !req
956. If you blink, if you even look like you
might be dozing, let alone fall asleep...Copy !req
957. I'm gonna put hands on you. I'm gonna
choke you out with your own scarf.Copy !req
958. Wrap that thing around your neck
and choke you the fuck out. Promise.Copy !req
959. Seems a bit drastic.Copy !req
960. Take off your glasses.Copy !req
961. I bought them,
I wanted to showcase them.Copy !req
962. It's night. You're driving.Copy !req
963. You act like you've never been
in a fender-bender.Copy !req
964. - Remove them.
- Okay.Copy !req
965. - Jolt Cola? Drink it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
966. - You're not the boss of me, you know.
- I know. Just drink it.Copy !req
967. Please.Copy !req
968. Attaboy.Copy !req
969. By the way, when I fell asleep...Copy !req
970. that was a one-time occurrence.Copy !req
971. - I know what I'm doing. I'm a grown man.
- Did you remember to use the restroom?Copy !req
972. Oh.Copy !req
973. Hey you, out there on your ownCopy !req
974. Sitting naked by the phoneCopy !req
975. Would you touch me?Copy !req
976. Hey you, with your ear against the wallCopy !req
977. Waiting for someone to call out
Would you touch me?Copy !req
978. Hey you
Would you help me to carry the stone?Copy !req
979. Open your heart, I'm coming homeCopy !req
980. This is some stuff.Copy !req
981. This window is not working.Copy !req
982. No, I locked them so we could get
a good clambake going on in here.Copy !req
983. That way, Sonny could get stoned.Copy !req
984. Am I stoned?Copy !req
985. Do you feel stoned?Copy !req
986. But it was only fantasyCopy !req
987. No matter how he tried
He could not break freeCopy !req
988. And the worms ate into his brainCopy !req
989. Hey you
Don't tell me there's no hope at allCopy !req
990. Together we standCopy !req
991. Divided we fallCopy !req
992. Then what? How did it resolve?Copy !req
993. Well, it turns out the cheese grater
was underneath the mattress.Copy !req
994. Ha, ha!
That is so sophisticated. And has heart.Copy !req
995. The show has heart.Copy !req
996. How do you know so much about this?Copy !req
997. I run a fan site for the show. Not official,
but I've run a fan site for about six years.Copy !req
998. I started it at an internet café.Copy !req
999. Used to go in there and wash my feet.Copy !req
1000. What was the site called?Copy !req
1001. It'sRainingTwoAndAHalfMen.com.Copy !req
1002. Wow.Copy !req
1003. That is sublime. Can I retract every
derogatory statement I've made about you?Copy !req
1004. Thank you, Peter. That's very sweet.Copy !req
1005. - Hand me a Bugle.
- Sure.Copy !req
1006. Thank you.Copy !req
1007. - Will you feed one to the hound?
- Very well.Copy !req
1008. Are we on the highway still?Copy !req
1009. Relax, Peter, I've got it covered.Copy !req
1010. Are you certain?Copy !req
1011. You're getting paranoid.
That pot got to you.Copy !req
1012. Okay. All right, you see the flag?Copy !req
1013. It looks like a border crossing,
it says "Mexico"--Copy !req
1014. - Oh, Lord. Gosh.
- What?Copy !req
1015. I thought that said Texaco.
We're low on gas.Copy !req
1016. - Okay, we're fine.
Yep.Copy !req
1017. We're good. We're good.Copy !req
1018. What are you gonna tell them?Copy !req
1019. All I'm gonna do is say,
"Look, we made a mistake."Copy !req
1020. - And we're gonna ask to turn around.
- Perfect.Copy !req
1021. Okay, I need you to be quiet.
Sit straight. Don't say anything.Copy !req
1022. Won't that be suspicious
if they ask me a question?Copy !req
1023. - Let me handle everything.
- You handle it.Copy !req
1024. Here we go.
- Uh-oh. He's looking right at me.Copy !req
1025. Peter, please be quiet, okay?Copy !req
1026. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1027. Hello. The weirdest thing happened.
We just kind of got shifted—Copy !req
1028. Are you guys American citizens?Copy !req
1029. Yes. Yes, we are.Copy !req
1030. - The both of you?
- Yes, absolutely.Copy !req
1031. Can I see your passports?Copy !req
1032. We don't have passports.Copy !req
1033. The thing is,
we didn't mean to end up here.Copy !req
1034. Somehow, I must have taken
the wrong exit, and we're here, so...Copy !req
1035. If we could just maybe turn around
and go back?Copy !req
1036. You wanna turn around?Copy !req
1037. Yeah, it was a mistake.
We're trying to get back—Copy !req
1038. What's wrong with your friend?Copy !req
1039. Peter, don't do that.Copy !req
1040. Why are your eyes so glassy?
You been partying?Copy !req
1041. No, I have glaucoma.Copy !req
1042. What about your friend,
does he have glaucoma too?Copy !req
1043. Answer the man. Do you have glaucoma?
No, he doesn't have glaucoma.Copy !req
1044. What about the dog,
does he have glaucoma?Copy !req
1045. Because his eyes are glassy as fuck.Copy !req
1046. Shut off the car.
Give me the keys, please.Copy !req
1047. Wait right here.Copy !req
1048. - Did I blow it?
- No, we're fine.Copy !req
1049. You are smooth.Copy !req
1050. - Wow.
- Hand me Sonny, please.Copy !req
1051. God, my heart was in my throat.
I was flipping out.Copy !req
1052. Could you hand me my father's ashes?
They're on the floorboard.Copy !req
1053. Wow. What's—? What are you doing?Copy !req
1054. We took the wrong exit,
we wound up here by mistake.Copy !req
1055. No matter how many times you ask,
that's my answer.Copy !req
1056. You sound like Jason Bourne, man.Copy !req
1057. You don't know where you're going.
No ID.Copy !req
1058. I wanna speak to
the American consulate.Copy !req
1059. I'm American, I have rights.Copy !req
1060. - Oh, yeah, sure.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1061. Hey, Ramon.
He wants to talk to his consulate.Copy !req
1062. Hello, sir.
Welcome to the American consulate.Copy !req
1063. - How can I help you?
- That's unacceptable.Copy !req
1064. What are you laughing about?
This is a serious matter. I have rights.Copy !req
1065. You americanos sneak into our country.Copy !req
1066. You bring drugs, you party.
You sleep with our women.Copy !req
1067. I've never heard of an American
sneaking into Mexico.Copy !req
1068. This would be an isolated incident.
It's usually the reverse.Copy !req
1069. I'm getting tired of your cavalier attitude.Copy !req
1070. Well, I apologize. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1071. You attempted to transport drugs
across an international border...Copy !req
1072. dude.Copy !req
1073. This is serious shit.Copy !req
1074. Okay, Daddy.Copy !req
1075. There.Copy !req
1076. Shit!Copy !req
1077. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
1078. Stop!Copy !req
1079. Help!Copy !req
1080. Oh, shoot.Copy !req
1081. Pull over!
What the fuck?Copy !req
1082. Pull the car over!Copy !req
1083. Hold on, Sonny, it's about to get rough.Copy !req
1084. Oh, God.Copy !req
1085. Ethan?Copy !req
1086. Hollywood!Copy !req
1087. Oh, crud.Copy !req
1088. Peter? Peter, are you okay?Copy !req
1089. How many laws did we just break?Copy !req
1090. I don't know, 60?Copy !req
1091. I had no idea where I was going.Copy !req
1092. Then I see you. Remember,
when we jackknifed together?Copy !req
1093. - But you didn't look like you.
- We locked eyes.Copy !req
1094. - God, you looked crazy!
- Yeah. Well, I'm in stealth mode.Copy !req
1095. - That's why I got the scarf on my head.
- You were like a commando.Copy !req
1096. - You were a Comanche warrior.
- Thanks.Copy !req
1097. - It was the greatest ever.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1098. Don't move. Ready?Copy !req
1099. What? Oh.Copy !req
1100. That's your new headshot.
Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
1101. - Yeah.
- How could it not be?Copy !req
1102. God, the pain is extraordinary.Copy !req
1103. - Will you e-mail that to me, please?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1104. Okay. All right. Just not too much, Peter.Copy !req
1105. Rescue. A daring rescue.Copy !req
1106. - You came back for me.
- Of course I did.Copy !req
1107. You're so brave.Copy !req
1108. I made you a promise.
I told you I was gonna get you home.Copy !req
1109. I'm getting you home safe, okay?Copy !req
1110. - I'm gonna kiss you.
- What?Copy !req
1111. - I'm gonna give you a smooch.
- No.Copy !req
1112. - Come on, baby.
- No way!Copy !req
1113. - Give me a little smooch.
- Stop, Peter! I'm driving! Oh!Copy !req
1114. Sick!Copy !req
1115. You got it.Copy !req
1116. - Everything's up and down with you.
- I owe you bigtime.Copy !req
1117. No way I'd see my kid
if you hadn't done that.Copy !req
1118. There's no way.Copy !req
1119. I love you, dude.Copy !req
1120. I love you too, Peter.Copy !req
1121. Oh, dear.Copy !req
1122. Sweetheart, I am so sorry.Copy !req
1123. You know how I get.
I've always been jealous. It's...Copy !req
1124. You knew about that.
I told you I ran into him there.Copy !req
1125. I know, and I know it has nothing to do
with you. It's just my shit. It's my shit.Copy !req
1126. Just listen to me, okay? Don't say anything.
Just listen to me.Copy !req
1127. I would never betray you,
Peter, you know that.Copy !req
1128. We're a family now.Copy !req
1129. Nothing else matters.
Do you understand?Copy !req
1130. - You're so right.
- Can you just get home safely, please?Copy !req
1131. - I love you, baby.
- I love you too.Copy !req
1132. Wake up. Ethan.Copy !req
1133. Check it out.Copy !req
1134. I'm telling you, I wouldn't make it up.Copy !req
1135. You sure? I could've sworn
I read it was man-made.Copy !req
1136. Nope. Not correct. Very old.
Formed over time.Copy !req
1137. Grand Canyon. Known fact.Copy !req
1138. Peter, I have a photogenic memory.
I have recall for—Copy !req
1139. Ethan, I promise you. It's old. It's the
Grand Canyon, it's not the Hoover Dam.Copy !req
1140. Well, I know it's not the Hoover Dam,
that was built by the Pilgrims.Copy !req
1141. Also incorrect.Copy !req
1142. It's magnificent though.Copy !req
1143. - You didn't have to stop, you know.
- That's okay. It's the perfect place.Copy !req
1144. Let's hit the road.
I can do that any time.Copy !req
1145. We've got time.
We don't have to be in L.A. till morning.Copy !req
1146. What are you doing? Relax.Copy !req
1147. We should just stick with the plan,
you know?Copy !req
1148. But I thought this was part of the plan.Copy !req
1149. What am I missing, Ethan?Copy !req
1150. What's really going on?Copy !req
1151. When I said the Grand Canyon
wasn't on the way, you said:Copy !req
1152. "Too bad, it would've been perfect."Copy !req
1153. When we passed
the Mississippi River you said:Copy !req
1154. "Too bad, Dad loved titties and jazz."Copy !req
1155. I just— You know, we got stuff to do
and I don't wanna step on it.Copy !req
1156. I know it's hard to say goodbye.Copy !req
1157. And I didn't know your dad, but from what
you've told me he was a great father.Copy !req
1158. He was a cool guy.Copy !req
1159. I'm just saying.Copy !req
1160. I'm just suggesting.Copy !req
1161. If you got it in you...Copy !req
1162. he deserves a grand gesture.Copy !req
1163. Okay.Copy !req
1164. Come on, Sonny.Copy !req
1165. Come here, sweetheart. Yeah.Copy !req
1166. Dad, you were like a father to me.Copy !req
1167. And...Copy !req
1168. I don't know how
I'm gonna make it without you.Copy !req
1169. But I know that you'll look after me
from up there.Copy !req
1170. I'm gonna make you proud, Dad.Copy !req
1171. Okay.Copy !req
1172. I promise.Copy !req
1173. I love you.Copy !req
1174. Say hi to Mom.Copy !req
1175. Bye, Daddy.Copy !req
1176. He was a great guy. You would've
loved him. He was just like me.Copy !req
1177. Hey...Copy !req
1178. There's something I've been wanting
to tell you I feel pretty awful about.Copy !req
1179. I kind of want to get it off my chest. I...Copy !req
1180. I ditched you at the rest stop
in Louisiana.Copy !req
1181. - What?
- I had no intention of coming back.Copy !req
1182. So wrong.Copy !req
1183. Why would you do that?Copy !req
1184. Because I'm a pig. I'm an asshole.
I'm working on it.Copy !req
1185. Well, you know what?
You came back with doughnuts.Copy !req
1186. I think that says more
about you than leaving does.Copy !req
1187. So...Copy !req
1188. just—Copy !req
1189. You're something else. Thanks.Copy !req
1190. That's a load off.Copy !req
1191. Well, there's something I've been
wanting to get off my chest too.Copy !req
1192. Shoot.Copy !req
1193. I'm not really 23 years old.Copy !req
1194. I know.Copy !req
1195. It's okay.Copy !req
1196. The other thing is...Copy !req
1197. Peter...Copy !req
1198. I have your wallet
and I've had it this whole time.Copy !req
1199. What?Copy !req
1200. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1201. Peter...Copy !req
1202. okay, listen.Copy !req
1203. Why would you do that?Copy !req
1204. I saw it on the plane
and I didn't wanna be alone.Copy !req
1205. I was feeling vulnerable
because of my father's death.Copy !req
1206. And I just didn't wanna go across country
by myself, you know?Copy !req
1207. - It's all here.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1208. All my money, all my credit cards.
Everything...Copy !req
1209. Everything I needed.Copy !req
1210. This whole time.Copy !req
1211. - You're okay with it?
- It's in the past.Copy !req
1212. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1213. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
1214. - Thanks, Peter.
- Yep.Copy !req
1215. Okay. Okay.
Let's just hit the road then, right?Copy !req
1216. - You get Sonny, and I'll drive.
- I'll grab him in a minute.Copy !req
1217. - After I fucking kill you!
- Ow!Copy !req
1218. You little thief prick.Copy !req
1219. Die, thief. You thief.Copy !req
1220. Calm down!Copy !req
1221. Peter, count to 10. It'll help. Aah!Copy !req
1222. The phone's ringing!Copy !req
1223. - Hello, dear.
- Peter, it's happening.Copy !req
1224. - What?
- You won't believe it. My water broke.Copy !req
1225. - How?
- Where are you?Copy !req
1226. I'm at the Grand Canyon.
I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
1227. What? Did you just say
the Grand Canyon?Copy !req
1228. Peter?Copy !req
1229. Mom? He's at the Grand Canyon.Copy !req
1230. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1231. - Who was it?
- My wife has gone into labor.Copy !req
1232. - I thought we were having a C-section.
- Get in the car.Copy !req
1233. You stepped on my Capezios.
Okay, okay, okay!Copy !req
1234. Let's go!Copy !req
1235. Good God, you maniac.Copy !req
1236. Not gonna make it. That's great.
I'm gonna miss the birth of my child.Copy !req
1237. We are gonna make it.Copy !req
1238. There's no "we." Don't say "we."Copy !req
1239. - Okay, look— No. Me first.
- Please, can I—?Copy !req
1240. No. You can't. I told you I saw red.Copy !req
1241. I told you I was gonna put hands on you.
I have a problem.Copy !req
1242. And I'm sorry you were
the recipient of it.Copy !req
1243. But I warned you.Copy !req
1244. - I'm sorry.
- Fine.Copy !req
1245. But in the future,
when we're hanging out as buddies...Copy !req
1246. if we get into a fight,
don't go for my face.Copy !req
1247. - That's how I make a living. Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
1248. Still bleeding.Copy !req
1249. Check the glove, there's probably
a first-aid kit or something.Copy !req
1250. Clean yourself up.Copy !req
1251. Check this thing out.Copy !req
1252. Oh, shoot.Copy !req
1253. I can't believe I did that.Copy !req
1254. Sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1255. I didn't think it was loaded. Pull over.Copy !req
1256. - No, I wanna keep going.
- No. Pull over.Copy !req
1257. - I don't want to.
- Pull over.Copy !req
1258. No, it didn't happen,
it didn't happen! Why?Copy !req
1259. - I'm in shock!
- It burns!Copy !req
1260. Pull over! Pull over!Copy !req
1261. Don't panic! Don't panic! Don't panic!Copy !req
1262. - Oh, no.
- Yep.Copy !req
1263. It's right there, yep.Copy !req
1264. - I'm so sorry.
- Don't worry.Copy !req
1265. We gotta stop the bleeding.
I need your scarf.Copy !req
1266. - Turn around?
- No. No, a tourniquet. A tourniquet.Copy !req
1267. What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
1268. Turn around! Stay still. I got it.Copy !req
1269. You're fine. Right here.
I need you to tie it. I only got one hand.Copy !req
1270. It's deep.
We gotta get you to a hospital.Copy !req
1271. We're going to a hospital.
We're gonna be fine.Copy !req
1272. Oh, God! What did I do?Copy !req
1273. - Stop freaking out. It's okay.
- What did I do? What did I do?Copy !req
1274. Let's do a little acting exercise like we did
at the rest stop in the bathroom, okay?Copy !req
1275. You're a sergeant,
I'm just a grunt in your platoon...Copy !req
1276. but you promised me that you'd get me
home to my high-school sweetheart.Copy !req
1277. Okay.Copy !req
1278. Action.Copy !req
1279. - Peter.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1280. I puked on the wound.Copy !req
1281. I know. It's okay, buddy.Copy !req
1282. I need you to drive, but we gotta go.Copy !req
1283. Okay?Copy !req
1284. Come on.Copy !req
1285. Get in the back seat, private.
What are you, a girl or something?Copy !req
1286. - Excellent.
- Like that?Copy !req
1287. - Yeah, let's roll.
- Yeah, okay.Copy !req
1288. - Figured it out yet?
- Figured what out?Copy !req
1289. Your son's about to be born.
What will you name him?Copy !req
1290. - I'll know it when I see him.
- How about "Sonny"?Copy !req
1291. No. Not naming my son
after a masturbating dog.Copy !req
1292. Don't listen to him, Sonny. He loves you.Copy !req
1293. Sonny, no!Copy !req
1294. Sonny. Sorry.Copy !req
1295. We're heading home!Copy !req
1296. I made it.Copy !req
1297. - Okay, come on.
- I made it.Copy !req
1298. Oh, the monkey, the monkey,
the monkey.Copy !req
1299. Sonny, we'll be right back, okay?Copy !req
1300. Got it.Copy !req
1301. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
1302. Thank you.Copy !req
1303. I have an expectant father
and a gunshot victim.Copy !req
1304. I know where we're going. Right here.Copy !req
1305. Then we cut left.Copy !req
1306. - Shoot.
- What?Copy !req
1307. I forgot to crack a window for Sonny.Copy !req
1308. - The door's off the car, Ethan.
- Right. Okay, good.Copy !req
1309. See? Together we think of everything.Copy !req
1310. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
1311. - Let's get you cleaned up. Right?
- Great. Yeah.Copy !req
1312. Give me these guys.Copy !req
1313. It's all about to go down.Copy !req
1314. Give you a vest, cover up the blood.Copy !req
1315. Have I told you that I love your perm?Copy !req
1316. Thank you, Peter.Copy !req
1317. Look who's come around.Copy !req
1318. Sarah?Copy !req
1319. No, come on, come on.
This way, this way. Here we go.Copy !req
1320. - Ma'am.
- Here we go.Copy !req
1321. Put your handcuffs in your pocket.
Hide them.Copy !req
1322. - Here's the Rally Monkey.
- Boom.Copy !req
1323. - Ohh!
- Just keep pushing.Copy !req
1324. Sarah?Copy !req
1325. - Sarah?
- Peter?Copy !req
1326. - You hear that?
Go!Copy !req
1327. Peter!
- Sarah!Copy !req
1328. Darryl. What the fuck?Copy !req
1329. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, hey.
- Who the hell is this guy?Copy !req
1330. You gotta go, man. You gotta go.Copy !req
1331. Peter!
- Peter, it's this way.Copy !req
1332. What the fuck?Copy !req
1333. Baby! Baby, you made it!Copy !req
1334. - Jesus, Peter, are you okay?
Baby?Copy !req
1335. No, I just lost a little blood.Copy !req
1336. - Ohh! Oh, my God!
Everybody relax.Copy !req
1337. Relax. We need to find a hospital, okay?Copy !req
1338. - Who are you?
- My name is Ethan Tremblay.Copy !req
1339. - I'm your husband's best friend.
- It's nice to meet you.Copy !req
1340. Nice to meet you too.
Let's get that baby out of your vagina.Copy !req
1341. Okay.Copy !req
1342. - Breathe.
- Ahh!Copy !req
1343. Look at the babies.Copy !req
1344. Look at that baby, right?Copy !req
1345. You see it?Copy !req
1346. Hey. What do we got?
- You little rascal.Copy !req
1347. - Look what you made.
- Show me.Copy !req
1348. Ohh. He's really cute.Copy !req
1349. That's a handsome boy.Copy !req
1350. - It's a girl, actually.
- Mm-mm.Copy !req
1351. - Yep.
- No, the—Copy !req
1352. Dr. Greene says it happens all the time.Copy !req
1353. You know, ultrasounds
aren't always reliable.Copy !req
1354. Right.Copy !req
1355. - Little Rosie.
- Rosie?Copy !req
1356. Little Rosie Highman.
Does that sound strange to you?Copy !req
1357. No, it's such a pretty name.Copy !req
1358. Sarah thought you'd be okay with it.Copy !req
1359. - When did you talk to Sarah?
- Right after I cut the umbilical cord.Copy !req
1360. - You cut it?
- The tether of life from mother to child.Copy !req
1361. I got to cut that.Copy !req
1362. - No.
- Yes.Copy !req
1363. - You?
- I kept some.Copy !req
1364. I kept a little bit of it
and put it in my wallet.Copy !req
1365. - It's good for sore ankles and stuff.
- Wow.Copy !req
1366. Wow. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1367. Oh, my God. Ethan, I dreamt this.Copy !req
1368. - This is crazy. I had this strange dream...
- Yeah?Copy !req
1369. that was today.Copy !req
1370. And there was a bear.Copy !req
1371. What?Copy !req
1372. - And the bear chewed the cord.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
1373. That's spot-on if you think about it.
That's like a one in a...Copy !req
1374. You know what I mean?Copy !req
1375. - I don't get it. What—?
- Forget it.Copy !req
1376. It's— It's...Copy !req
1377. It's gotta be a good sign.Copy !req
1378. I guess I'll maybe leave you
with your family...Copy !req
1379. and I got that meeting with that agent.Copy !req
1380. - It's Friday.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1381. Yeah, good luck.Copy !req
1382. Oh, I wanted to give you this.Copy !req
1383. It has all of my information.Copy !req
1384. - Mm-hm.
- In case you wanna get a soda.Copy !req
1385. - Or, you know, I could babysit.
- Right.Copy !req
1386. I'll keep it handy.Copy !req
1387. We had a crazy few days.Copy !req
1388. That was nuts.Copy !req
1389. We should do it again.
Go across country again.Copy !req
1390. Okay.Copy !req
1391. - Sure.
- Call me tomorrow about it.Copy !req
1392. - if I don't—
- Call me tomorrow about it.Copy !req
1393. I might e-mail you.
Please don't take it personally.Copy !req
1394. No, no, e-mail's fine.Copy !req
1395. - Bye, Sonny.
- Do you mind if Sonny and I take the truck?Copy !req
1396. Feel free.Copy !req
1397. - It's been a real pleasure, Peter.
- Been a lot of things.Copy !req
1398. Thanks.Copy !req
1399. Hey. Ethan.Copy !req
1400. Welcome to Hollywood.Copy !req
1401. What? You want me
to come back and talk to you?Copy !req
1402. I was just saying
in the most general sense.Copy !req
1403. The city welcomes you.Copy !req
1404. Just make sure you call me tomorrow.Copy !req
1405. I'll call you.Copy !req
1406. Be right there.Copy !req
1407. Hello?Copy !req
1408. Oh, hey. I'm Stu, the tutor.
Are you Jake?Copy !req
1409. No, I'm his father.Copy !req
1410. Oh.Copy !req
1411. I'm Stu, the tutor.Copy !req
1412. Right.Copy !req
1413. Have you been smoking pot?Copy !req
1414. No, sir. Not at all.Copy !req
1415. Perhaps you're smelling my cat.Copy !req
1416. Your cat?
Yes, sir. He's an outdoor cat.Copy !req
1417. You know what, he's really funny.Copy !req
1418. Don't get crazy.
I'm telling you, the show's funny.Copy !req
1419. Come on. You love him.
You know you love him.Copy !req
1420. I survived him. There's a difference.Copy !req
1421. Um, uh, Charlie, this is Jake's tutor, Stu.Copy !req
1422. - Hey.
- I'm not high, man, it's my cat.Copy !req
1423. Relax, Stu. We're not cops.Copy !req
1424. Oh, really? He sure looks like the heat.Copy !req
1425. Like clockwork. I told him
we'd call him after we watched it.Copy !req
1426. He's excited.Copy !req
1427. If she says his name, I'll freak out.Copy !req
1428. Pita bread?Copy !req
1429. Hummus?Copy !req
1430. Again, no thank you.Copy !req
1431. You got any more pot?Copy !req
1432. Not for $9 an hour I don't.Copy !req
1433. I mean, I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req