1. You can run, but you can't hide
from the Lord.Copy !req
2. You can never
judge a woman with bad...Copy !req
3. Sarah Rose knows
you're a beautiful person.Copy !req
4. Sarah Rose knows
you have an unusual talent.Copy !req
5. Sarah Rose knows
you're a teenage girl.Copy !req
6. And she definitely knows...Copy !req
7. that you are ready for
the ultimate in teen glamour.Copy !req
8. The American
Teen Princess Pageant!Copy !req
9. And now, a few words
from last year's host...Copy !req
10. Mr. Adam West!Copy !req
11. The American
Teen Princess Pageant...Copy !req
12. has been enriching the lives of
American-made girls since 1945.Copy !req
13. The American
Teen Princess Pageant...Copy !req
14. provides personal growth,
scholarship, travel!Copy !req
15. And you might even meet
a few celebrities.Copy !req
16. Yes!Copy !req
17. At the national level...Copy !req
18. thousands of seventeen-year-old
girls like yourselves...Copy !req
19. compete around the country
in places like...Copy !req
20. beautiful Mount Rose,
Minnesota...Copy !req
21. and make it all the way
here to Lincoln, Alabama...Copy !req
22. to compete for the title
of American Teen Princess.Copy !req
23. So which one of you will it be?Copy !req
24. Like sands through the hourglass
so are the "Days Of Our Lives. "Copy !req
25. God, Iris, you taped
your shows over it.Copy !req
26. I'm sorry.Copy !req
27. Now, ladies,
the rest of the tape...Copy !req
28. which is now gone forever...Copy !req
29. goes on about starting
that great journey...Copy !req
30. which we call the American
Teen Princess Pageant.Copy !req
31. So any of you young ladies...Copy !req
32. who'd like to start
on that journey...Copy !req
33. you just come right down here
and sign up.Copy !req
34. And, please, help yourself
to some coffee and bars.Copy !req
35. Showtime.Copy !req
36. Do you think
most people would say...Copy !req
37. that teenage beauty pageants
are a good idea?Copy !req
38. Oh, yeah, sure.Copy !req
39. I know what some of your
big-city, no-bra-wearin'...Copy !req
40. hairy-legged
women libbers might say.Copy !req
41. They might say that a pageant...Copy !req
42. is old-fashioned
and demeaning to the girls.Copy !req
43. What's sick is women
dressing like men.Copy !req
44. You betcha, Iris.Copy !req
45. No, I think you boys
are going to find something...Copy !req
46. a little bit different
here in Mount Rose.Copy !req
47. For one thing,
we're all God-fearin' folk.Copy !req
48. Every last one of us.Copy !req
49. And you will not find a
"back room" in our video store.Copy !req
50. No, that filth is better
left to the sin cities.Copy !req
51. A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul.Copy !req
52. Oh, yeah, sure.Copy !req
53. Freda, sure.Copy !req
54. She was the oldest
living Lutheran.Copy !req
55. Now she's as dead as a doornail.Copy !req
56. It's the damn Shriners
who won't take down...Copy !req
57. that goddamn sign,
the lazy sons of bitches.Copy !req
58. Every year... every damn year,
I tell 'em...Copy !req
59. "Take down
the goddamn Freda sign...Copy !req
60. "you lazy sons of bitches!"Copy !req
61. Today's "to do" list includes
a trip to the Mall of America...Copy !req
62. where we are going
to be buying outfits...Copy !req
63. for the physical fitness number.Copy !req
64. Nothing too showy.Copy !req
65. No. You betcha, Iris.Copy !req
66. We need that third judge.
Gosh, don't let me forget...Copy !req
67. We need to think of a theme.Copy !req
68. Gladys, look out!Copy !req
69. Gosh darn it.
Hello, Father Dunegan.Copy !req
70. Sidewalks? Sidewalks?Copy !req
71. Iris, stop it.
It's not his fault.Copy !req
72. The communal wine just proves
too tempting for some of them.Copy !req
73. That's why we Lutherans
use grape Kool-Aid...Copy !req
74. for the blood of Christ.Copy !req
75. There's a parking space
over there.Copy !req
76. Oh, no.
That's just a compact. Sorry.Copy !req
77. You'd think they'd have
the parking lot of America...Copy !req
78. to go with the Mall of America.Copy !req
79. It's a $200 fine!Copy !req
80. I told you I would move the car
if a cripple came.Copy !req
81. Now just run in the store
and pick out some outfits.Copy !req
82. All right, let's go.Copy !req
83. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
84. What?Copy !req
85. I think I just thought
of the theme.Copy !req
86. Oh, what?Copy !req
87. "Proud to be an American. "Copy !req
88. So, what was the theme
of the pageant last year?Copy !req
89. Oh, that was "Buy American. "Copy !req
90. And the year before that was...Copy !req
91. "U.S.A. Is A-OK!"Copy !req
92. And can you remember the theme
of your favorite pageant?Copy !req
93. Can I?Copy !req
94. "Amer-I Can!"Copy !req
95. People ask me where I get this.Copy !req
96. I don't know.
A gift from God or something.Copy !req
97. Hi.Copy !req
98. Just introduce yourself
and tell us why...Copy !req
99. you're signing up
for the pageant.Copy !req
100. OK. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
101. I'm Leslie Miller.Copy !req
102. I'm signing up 'cause,
you know...Copy !req
103. I always watch
the pageants on TV...Copy !req
104. and my boyfriend
thinks I'll win.Copy !req
105. For my talent,
I'm going to be doing...Copy !req
106. You've been talking
to this guy long enough.Copy !req
107. I'm trying to tell him...Copy !req
108. Now?Copy !req
109. Hi, Pat.Copy !req
110. Go Muskies!Copy !req
111. Hi. I'm Amber Atkins,
and I'm signing up...Copy !req
112. 'cause my two favorite people
in the whole world...Copy !req
113. competed in pageants...Copy !req
114. my mom and Diane Sawyer.Copy !req
115. Course, I hope I end up...Copy !req
116. a little more like Diane Sawyer
than my mom.Copy !req
117. Do you do
any of the embalming?Copy !req
118. Oh, my God, no. Oh, God.Copy !req
119. I just do the hair and makeup
on the deceased.Copy !req
120. I'm lucky I have
an afterschool job...Copy !req
121. where I can practice my talent.Copy !req
122. Oh, yeah, sure.
Every pageant is special...Copy !req
123. but this one
is extra-super-special to me.Copy !req
124. When I was seventeen...
I don't know if you know this...Copy !req
125. I was crowned Mount Rose's
American Teen Princess...Copy !req
126. and this year...Copy !req
127. drumroll, please...Copy !req
128. my lovely daughter
Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing.Copy !req
129. Is this my mark?Copy !req
130. Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman,
and I believe this pageant...Copy !req
131. is an important experience
for every young woman.Copy !req
132. It...Copy !req
133. Well, it teaches you what's
really important in life...Copy !req
134. and it has the power
to change you...Copy !req
135. in ways you've never dreamed of.Copy !req
136. My mom gave me this nine-mill
for my thirteenth birthday.Copy !req
137. Yeah. I'll always remember
what she wrote in the card.Copy !req
138. "Jesus loves winners. "Copy !req
139. That's why no matter what I do,
I aim to win.Copy !req
140. Why?
Well, it's kinda like asking...Copy !req
141. why all the guys chew
Copenhagen, you know?Copy !req
142. If you're seventeen...Copy !req
143. and you're not a total fry,
it's just what you do.Copy !req
144. Have you decided what
your talent is going to be yet?Copy !req
145. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I'm gonna sing and dance...Copy !req
146. to "New York, New York. "Copy !req
147. I just fell in love with
the Big Apple last summer...Copy !req
148. when I was visiting
my brother Peter there.Copy !req
149. He followed his dream
all the way to New York.Copy !req
150. Wait.Copy !req
151. Here's Peter as... Liza!Copy !req
152. Here's him as Madonna.Copy !req
153. As Barbara.Copy !req
154. I don't know what
my talent's gonna be yet.Copy !req
155. Kenny! Kenny, come.
Come, Kenny.Copy !req
156. Oh, Kenny!
Oh, this is Kenny.Copy !req
157. Spike, my German shepherd...Copy !req
158. he went to live
with a nice family on a farm...Copy !req
159. after he attacked me...Copy !req
160. but it wasn't his fault,
was it, Kenny? No.Copy !req
161. I had beef jerky
in my front pocket.Copy !req
162. They remade my belly
with skin from my butt.Copy !req
163. I was Mount Rose American
Teen Princess in 1945.Copy !req
164. We were at war with the Japs.Copy !req
165. Didn't even get to keep
my damn tiara.Copy !req
166. I had to turn it in for scrap.Copy !req
167. So we adopt Molly three year ago
when we come to America...Copy !req
168. to help acclimate us
to American.Copy !req
169. To America, Dad.Copy !req
170. She all-American girl.Copy !req
171. She our Teen American Princess.Copy !req
172. Oh, Ma.Copy !req
173. English!Copy !req
174. Speak English,
you stupid little retard!Copy !req
175. So, Molly, tell movie man
what you talent do.Copy !req
176. I'll be line dancing.Copy !req
177. Country western!Copy !req
178. Clint Black, ruff!Copy !req
179. Hey, what he got that I not got?Copy !req
180. So have you decided what
your talent is going to be...Copy !req
181. for the pageant yet?Copy !req
182. Yeah. I'll be doing
a dramatic monologue...Copy !req
183. and right now
I'm thinking "Othello... "Copy !req
184. or "Soylent Green... "Copy !req
185. Well, my own version of it.Copy !req
186. You know, a lot of girls
make a smooth transition...Copy !req
187. from pageants into acting.Copy !req
188. Competing for the title...Copy !req
189. of Minnesota's American Teen
Princess sure was exciting...Copy !req
190. but I never could have won...Copy !req
191. without my Saint Paul
pork products.Copy !req
192. I've been enjoying Saint Paul
pork products for years.Copy !req
193. I grew up right next
to these stockyards.Copy !req
194. It's still the same
family-run business...Copy !req
195. that Walter and Vera Pularski
started in 1920...Copy !req
196. when they raised
and slaughtered their first pig.Copy !req
197. I just love
Saint Paul pork products.Copy !req
198. In fact, I love 'em so much...Copy !req
199. I work here now!Copy !req
200. Oh, help yourself.Copy !req
201. Thanks.Copy !req
202. You're welcome.Copy !req
203. My talent will be...Copy !req
204. an interpretive...Copy !req
205. dance...Copy !req
206. while I sign...Copy !req
207. "Through the Eyes of Love. "Copy !req
208. Yeah. Well, see...Copy !req
209. I have a dream...Copy !req
210. of spreading sign language...Copy !req
211. around the world.Copy !req
212. Mom, will you be so kind?Copy !req
213. Tammy Curry...Copy !req
214. and I'm signing up
for the pageant...Copy !req
215. 'cause of
the scholarships and all.Copy !req
216. This one's for varsity soccer.Copy !req
217. I'm captain.Copy !req
218. I run track, and right here
I'm the new president...Copy !req
219. of the Lutheran
Sisterhood Gun Club.Copy !req
220. Love that one.Copy !req
221. Would you say...Copy !req
222. you have a good chance
to win this pageant?Copy !req
223. Yeah. You bet I do.Copy !req
224. I mean, maybe other people think
I can't win a beauty pageant...Copy !req
225. but other people didn't think
I could beat out...Copy !req
226. Becky Leeman for president of
the gun club, either, and I did.Copy !req
227. It's just like
Anthony Robbins says...Copy !req
228. "I'm a winner.Copy !req
229. "Nobody can stop me but me. "Copy !req
230. Well, you know, I think
everybody's doing really well...Copy !req
231. considering the fact
she was so young.Copy !req
232. It's always hard to see
the young ones called home.Copy !req
233. Especially
on an exploding thresher.Copy !req
234. It's just so odd and gross.Copy !req
235. You know, sometimes...Copy !req
236. it's hard to understand
God's great plan.Copy !req
237. But the show must go on.Copy !req
238. I gotta get ahold of Ted...Copy !req
239. and ask him if we can use that
barn light as a spot again...Copy !req
240. so you watch
the Jell-O salad, OK?Copy !req
241. You girls gonna sign up
for the pageant this year?Copy !req
242. I ain't gonna be
in no goddamn pageant.Copy !req
243. Look what happened
to that dork-ass farm girl.Copy !req
244. Tammy Curry?Copy !req
245. Yeah. Everyone says
this is a big accident?Copy !req
246. She got iced
because she wins everything...Copy !req
247. and this time someone
didn't want her to win.Copy !req
248. This pageant's
like a Roach Motel.Copy !req
249. Girls check in,
but they don't check out.Copy !req
250. Yeah, and they say smoking's
bad for your health.Copy !req
251. And... tendu, close.
Tendu, close.Copy !req
252. Tendu, close, plié.Copy !req
253. And repeat.Copy !req
254. Tendu...Copy !req
255. Suck in the bellies, girls!Copy !req
256. And tuck in the tushes!Copy !req
257. Close those legs.Copy !req
258. You look like a bunch
of bowlegged cows.Copy !req
259. Other side!Copy !req
260. And tendu, close. Tendu, close.Copy !req
261. Tendu, close, plié.Copy !req
262. Yeah, you boys
sure picked a good year.Copy !req
263. If I was a betting woman...Copy !req
264. and there was a line
on this in Vegas...Copy !req
265. I'd lay down ten to one
that it all comes down...Copy !req
266. to Amber Atkins
and Becky Leeman.Copy !req
267. Oh, sweet Jesus.Copy !req
268. What a showdown this should be.Copy !req
269. If Cain and Abel...Copy !req
270. Oh, God!Copy !req
271. That's so embarrassing.Copy !req
272. My winning the Mount Rose...Copy !req
273. American Teen Princess Pageant
really changed my life.Copy !req
274. Amber does my hair once a week.Copy !req
275. Well, it's the least I can do...Copy !req
276. for the reigning Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.Copy !req
277. - Oh, God.
- What?Copy !req
278. Oh, just a little snarl.Copy !req
279. Don't tell.Copy !req
280. What? Oh, my God.Copy !req
281. Lights, camera, and me
without a stitch of makeup on.Copy !req
282. What are you guys doing here?Copy !req
283. What are you doing here?Copy !req
284. Oh, Amber, like you're
the only one who visits Mary?Copy !req
285. Who are you?Copy !req
286. "Who are you?"
Oh, Mary, you kill me.Copy !req
287. She always says that.Copy !req
288. It's a little game
we play every week.Copy !req
289. Same dippy little look
on her face.Copy !req
290. "Who are you? Who are you?"Copy !req
291. Just like that.Copy !req
292. It's me... Becky.Copy !req
293. And I brought your favorites.Copy !req
294. Real nice, Becky.
She's anorexic.Copy !req
295. She's skinny, Amber, not deaf.Copy !req
296. So, beyond this pageant
you must have certain dreams...Copy !req
297. and certain things
you aspire to, yeah?Copy !req
298. Yeah, I got dreams.Copy !req
299. Sometimes I dream of winning.Copy !req
300. I dream of getting out
of Mount Rose...Copy !req
301. and being a big-time reporter
like Diane Sawyer.Copy !req
302. I mean, guys get out of
Mount Rose all the time...Copy !req
303. for hockey scholarships...Copy !req
304. or prison.Copy !req
305. Yeah, 1963.Copy !req
306. Her beauty worked against her...Copy !req
307. when she started as a reporter
in Louisville, her hometown.Copy !req
308. Those were different times.Copy !req
309. That's my mom.Copy !req
310. Hey, Amber,
did you get my smokes?Copy !req
311. Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec.Copy !req
312. Aw, shit.Copy !req
313. They're from Los Angeles.Copy !req
314. They wanted to see my room
and film me for their movie.Copy !req
315. Yeah, well, if they ask you
to take your top off...Copy !req
316. get the money first.Copy !req
317. And go get my smokes!Copy !req
318. Hey, hey, you like it?Copy !req
319. - Open it.
- This?Copy !req
320. Yeah, the globe.Copy !req
321. Go on,
pull on the North Pole there.Copy !req
322. Here, watch.Copy !req
323. Honey, this isn't a showroom.Copy !req
324. See, this holds three
full-size booze bottles.Copy !req
325. Tape cassette
comes out of Afghanistan.Copy !req
326. All right, all right.Copy !req
327. How quickly they forget
where this all comes from.Copy !req
328. Taiwan.Copy !req
329. That's enough, young lady.Copy !req
330. I beg your pardon.
Would you like a drink?Copy !req
331. Lmpartial?Copy !req
332. When I'm outside these walls,
I am Gladys Leeman...Copy !req
333. president Civil Servettes,
impartial as the day is long.Copy !req
334. But I'm in my house now,
and I gotta warn you...Copy !req
335. I'm wearing my wife apron
and my mom hat...Copy !req
336. so I can safely say
that I am the mother...Copy !req
337. of the most talented contestant
Mount Rose has ever had.Copy !req
338. Oh, gosh, she's been
singing and dancing...Copy !req
339. since she was knee-high
to a pig's eye.Copy !req
340. Yeah, she's damn
near as good as...Copy !req
341. you know, that little...
that black fellow...Copy !req
342. the one with the glass eye...Copy !req
343. the Candy Man...Copy !req
344. - Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Yeah, the Jew.Copy !req
345. Nice one, Dad. He's dead.Copy !req
346. Yeah. Then we have
the Judges Interview.Copy !req
347. Where each girl has a little
ten-minute get-together...Copy !req
348. with the judges
prior to the pageant.Copy !req
349. Then we have the...Copy !req
350. Hello, Tony.Copy !req
351. Hey to the folks.Copy !req
352. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
353. Gladys, the Judges Interview.Copy !req
354. So you've judged a lot
of pageants over the years?Copy !req
355. No. No. No way. No.Copy !req
356. Never judged a pageant
before in my life.Copy !req
357. No way.Copy !req
358. Never been around young girls.Copy !req
359. I mean, even if I was...Copy !req
360. I mean, why would I want
to be, you know?Copy !req
361. I don't get off
on that kind of thing.Copy !req
362. That's really
why you're asking, right?Copy !req
363. Someone say something?Copy !req
364. Do you judge the pageant
every year?Copy !req
365. No. I've never judged
nothin' before.Copy !req
366. Harold, are we on "Cops"?Copy !req
367. Are we on "Cops," Harold?Copy !req
368. Shut up, Hank.
This here's business.Copy !req
369. Harold,
Mom said not in the head!Copy !req
370. Well, Mom's dead,
so shut your flytrap.Copy !req
371. I will if you shut your piehole.Copy !req
372. Don't make me...Copy !req
373. Don't make me kick you
where the good Lord...Copy !req
374. Don't make me
split you where you...Copy !req
375. Come on!
You want some of this!Copy !req
376. So, are you excited?Copy !req
377. Oh, you bet.Copy !req
378. We're happier than the day
Hankie got acquitted.Copy !req
379. I get made a judge, then
the furniture store hires us...Copy !req
380. to paint the whole damn thing.Copy !req
381. We're going to use the money...Copy !req
382. to get our mom
a proper headstone...Copy !req
383. and to move her out
to the cemetery.Copy !req
384. Listen, guys,
if you see anything you like...Copy !req
385. you just let me know because
I happen to know the owner.Copy !req
386. So, here we are.Copy !req
387. My place of business,
my little house of worship...Copy !req
388. the world's largest
Conestoga wagon.Copy !req
389. Right here, we have
a very attractive unit.Copy !req
390. Farmers like that one.Copy !req
391. OK, showtime.Copy !req
392. Hey, Tim, Carla, listen...Copy !req
393. you two don't Jew me down
too much on that dinette...Copy !req
394. I'll throw in a hutch
for free, OK?Copy !req
395. See, that's my specialty.Copy !req
396. You don't pay less,
I give you more.Copy !req
397. The secret is... the hutch
is included in the price.Copy !req
398. Ain't that right, Jean?Copy !req
399. Take a memo, sweetheart.Copy !req
400. Five, six, seven... and one...Copy !req
401. Get that tempo right.
Kick it!Copy !req
402. Come on, kick it!Copy !req
403. Just watching the young girls.Copy !req
404. Contestants. You know...Copy !req
405. like the rest of my friends
and neighbors.Copy !req
406. Are you getting her?Copy !req
407. The third one, the blond one.Copy !req
408. Leave him alone. It's OK.Copy !req
409. It's just a camera I keep
in the glove compartment...Copy !req
410. for... car accidents.
Insurance.Copy !req
411. I mean, you guys got a camera...Copy !req
412. and no one's accusing you
of anything, right?Copy !req
413. So, Brett, you want to go
to the lake with me on Thursday?Copy !req
414. Actually,
I got practice on Thursday.Copy !req
415. Well, maybe Friday then.Copy !req
416. A bunch of us
were going cow tipping.Copy !req
417. Well...Copy !req
418. I'm kind of busy on Friday.Copy !req
419. Give her your tray, Brett.Copy !req
420. You're holding up the line.Copy !req
421. Give it to her.Copy !req
422. Here, I'll take it.
It's my job.Copy !req
423. No. It's all right.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
424. Well, you're supposed
to put it in the...Copy !req
425. Aw, man.Copy !req
426. You got some lutefisk
in your hair.Copy !req
427. Then it must be Wednesday.Copy !req
428. Lutefisk is codfish
that's been salted...Copy !req
429. and soaked in lye
for a week or so.Copy !req
430. It's best with lots of butter.Copy !req
431. I'm not really busy on Friday.Copy !req
432. I was just saying that,
you know?Copy !req
433. I know.Copy !req
434. Well...Copy !req
435. if you wanted to do something...Copy !req
436. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet.Copy !req
437. Oh, crap.Copy !req
438. I probably gotta work
at the funeral home.Copy !req
439. We're real busy
this time of year.Copy !req
440. Hunting season.Copy !req
441. Well, I'm cutting out of here
early today...Copy !req
442. and doing
a little duck hunting...Copy !req
443. but maybe I could
call you tonight?Copy !req
444. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
445. - All right.
- Fine.Copy !req
446. Oh, God.Copy !req
447. You don't think Becky
saw you guys, do you?Copy !req
448. Look, you shouldn't be in here.Copy !req
449. Doreen gave us hair nets.Copy !req
450. No, listen.
We shouldn't talk here.Copy !req
451. Stop by my house tonight, OK?Copy !req
452. Go.Copy !req
453. They take out her butt?Copy !req
454. Oh, Jesus H. Christ.Copy !req
455. Oh, are we on "Cops" again?Copy !req
456. OK, be quiet.Copy !req
457. It's just the guys
that are, you know...Copy !req
458. making the movie
about the pageant.Copy !req
459. I told you all about 'em.
This here's Loretta.Copy !req
460. I tell Annette, you talk to me
during my stories...Copy !req
461. you might as well
be talking to the wall.Copy !req
462. You guys want a beer?Copy !req
463. No, thank you. Is Amber here?Copy !req
464. Oh, no. You just missed her.Copy !req
465. She got called down
to the bone gardens.Copy !req
466. She's in a hell of a mood today.Copy !req
467. Say, you boys been
to the Leemans'?Copy !req
468. Shut it, Loretta.Copy !req
469. If so, you got all the pictures
of the winner you need.Copy !req
470. - Shut it.
- It's true.Copy !req
471. Let's just say who should win,
who deserves to win is Amber.Copy !req
472. Why don't you just paint
a target on your ass?Copy !req
473. Best damn tapper,
the most smartest.Copy !req
474. Most smartest?Copy !req
475. Oh, that's great.
You're real educated.Copy !req
476. "Most smartest. "
Get a picture of that.Copy !req
477. Most smartest.Copy !req
478. I'm cutting you off
and sending you home.Copy !req
479. Excuse me, but I'm bragging up
your kid here.Copy !req
480. I know. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
481. Amber's gonna be the next
Diane Sawyer, you know.Copy !req
482. They're making a movie here.Copy !req
483. All right,
they're making a movie.Copy !req
484. What makes you think
that Becky's going to win?Copy !req
485. Why do I think Becky'll win?Copy !req
486. You're talking... Don't pinch.Copy !req
487. You're talking about the richest
family in a small town.Copy !req
488. It's front-page news
when one of 'em takes a shit.Copy !req
489. Oh, great.Copy !req
490. Can one of you boys
give me a ride home?Copy !req
491. Don't fall for it.Copy !req
492. She lives two trailers down.Copy !req
493. So? Be real easy.Copy !req
494. Go on home, Loretta.Copy !req
495. Go on. The party's over.Copy !req
496. Oh, my God!Copy !req
497. Jesus Christ on a cross!Copy !req
498. Look, number one rule
in a funeral home...Copy !req
499. Never sneak up on the living.Copy !req
500. You never know who could
have an embalming needle...Copy !req
501. or a skull saw in their hand.Copy !req
502. Mr. Larson's son
learned the hard way.Copy !req
503. He's buried next to my grandpa.Copy !req
504. Are you upset about Brett?Copy !req
505. Upset about Brett?Copy !req
506. Nah. Hazard of the trade.Copy !req
507. I don't really have time
for guys anyways.Copy !req
508. It's weird, though.Copy !req
509. He took it
right between the eyes.Copy !req
510. Don't often see that.Copy !req
511. So, you know,
Brett just got shot in the head.Copy !req
512. He did?Copy !req
513. Well, hunting's dangerous.Copy !req
514. So, anyways, my mom gave me
this thirty-aught...Copy !req
515. for my sixteenth birthday.Copy !req
516. I need Stella now.Copy !req
517. The family's steaming
like a cow pie in July.Copy !req
518. Said she doesn't look nothin'
like the picture they gave you.Copy !req
519. Sorry. I just thought she might
not want to meet her maker...Copy !req
520. looking like a cheap whore.Copy !req
521. Well, this cheap whore
is that family's loving mother.Copy !req
522. The Clemens
said to make him look...Copy !req
523. like he just came in
from snowmobiling.Copy !req
524. Pink cheeks and...Copy !req
525. Red nose and ears.
I know, I know.Copy !req
526. Sorry I couldn't talk to you
before in the cafeteria.Copy !req
527. I was scared, OK?Copy !req
528. I open my locker today
after first period...Copy !req
529. and there's a picture
of Tammy Curry taped inside.Copy !req
530. This was written on the back:Copy !req
531. Oh, yeah,
hell of a way to go, there.Copy !req
532. After some thorough
investigating...Copy !req
533. we determined
that the Curry girl...Copy !req
534. must have been smoking
and driving.Copy !req
535. Well, yeah, Tammy liked
to drive her dad's thresher...Copy !req
536. but, I mean...Copy !req
537. She said the heavy vibration
helped her think.Copy !req
538. But I know for a fact Tammy
only smoked after a good drive.Copy !req
539. You ask me or anyone else who
isn't scared to talk about it...Copy !req
540. Tammy was murdered.Copy !req
541. I bet Diane Sawyer never had
to deal with crap like this.Copy !req
542. If it's another stray bullet
to the head...Copy !req
543. I'm gonna need more caps.Copy !req
544. You have to go home.Copy !req
545. There's some kind of emergency
at the trailer park.Copy !req
546. Relax. That's my ma's code...Copy !req
547. for bring home milk
and a carton of Lucky...Copy !req
548. No. Loretta called.
There's been a fire.Copy !req
549. Oh, my God.Copy !req
550. Hey, hey, hey! Family?Copy !req
551. No, she's just screaming "Mom"
because she's got Turret's.Copy !req
552. She's Annette's kid, dipshit.Copy !req
553. She's alive, sweetie.
She's right over there.Copy !req
554. I'll be right behind you
in the hearse, OK?Copy !req
555. Don't let that worry you,
Annette!Copy !req
556. So, Doctor, is this sort
of an unusual injury?Copy !req
557. This was a doozie.Copy !req
558. Right now our chief concern
is to stabilize Annette here...Copy !req
559. and then in surgery...Copy !req
560. remove this.Copy !req
561. Oh, God.Copy !req
562. Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.Copy !req
563. Ruined a brand-new pair
of Lee Press-Ons.Copy !req
564. Well, I sat down to have a beer,
and kablooey.Copy !req
565. Next thing I know...Copy !req
566. something blows
through my kitchen window...Copy !req
567. and I'm ass-up
in somebody's flower bed.Copy !req
568. Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking
around with the camera.Copy !req
569. Just put another book under it.Copy !req
570. Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. "Copy !req
571. Mom's got the window open.
We gotta hurry up, though...Copy !req
572. because we only got three
frickin' minutes on the battery.Copy !req
573. All right, ready.Copy !req
574. One, two...Copy !req
575. One, two, three!Copy !req
576. Shit!Copy !req
577. Let's get out of here!Copy !req
578. I shoved your tap shoes
in my panties...Copy !req
579. before I was blown
out of the house.Copy !req
580. You go find the guy
who cut 'em off.Copy !req
581. He'll give 'em to you...Copy !req
582. so you can practice
for the pageant.Copy !req
583. About that...Copy !req
584. I... Oh, my God!Copy !req
585. Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.Copy !req
586. She's pregnant!Copy !req
587. Oh, Amber, wait!Copy !req
588. Come back here.
Mommy wants to talk to you.Copy !req
589. And then kill you!Copy !req
590. Why don't you see
if there's any more beer...Copy !req
591. left in that can
and relax a bit?Copy !req
592. - I'm quitting the pageant.
- You're what?Copy !req
593. I'm quitting the pageant.Copy !req
594. I was just trying to scare you
into changing your mind.Copy !req
595. Christ, the woman clung
to your tap shoes...Copy !req
596. while flying through the air
like a goddamn lawn dart.Copy !req
597. I know, I know.Copy !req
598. Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants
and her friend Serious Sally.Copy !req
599. How about
some nice cool mints...Copy !req
600. to turn those frowns
upside down?Copy !req
601. Do you think a nice cool mint
would help...Copy !req
602. if I shoved your head
up your ass?Copy !req
603. So what do I say?Copy !req
604. Simple, just say...Copy !req
605. I know you sacrificed
everything...Copy !req
606. relationships, dreams...Copy !req
607. your tummy, ass, and thighs...Copy !req
608. all to bring me
into this world...Copy !req
609. all so I could have tap lessons
and be in the pageant...Copy !req
610. the same one you were in,
but you know what?Copy !req
611. I'm quitting.Copy !req
612. There. Easy as pie.Copy !req
613. Oh, my God. I am so dead.Copy !req
614. Yeah, you betcha.Copy !req
615. Go on, get out!Copy !req
616. Next one in here without a pack
of Luckys in her hand dies!Copy !req
617. Yeah, sure.
You have a super day, too.Copy !req
618. Get out!Copy !req
619. Mom, look. Don't talk.Copy !req
620. First of all,
I'm not pregnant, OK?Copy !req
621. I am not letting go
until you tell me what's up.Copy !req
622. Amber, I am reaching a point
where I would kill someone...Copy !req
623. for the nicotine
under their fingernails.Copy !req
624. You hear me, Loretta?Copy !req
625. OK, OK...Copy !req
626. yesterday I got this picture...Copy !req
627. so I'm thinking about...Copy !req
628. you know...Copy !req
629. I'm gonna quit the pageant.Copy !req
630. What?Copy !req
631. Oh, excuse us, guys.Copy !req
632. Would you excuse us
for a moment?Copy !req
633. Loretta, get out of here!
Go on, get out.Copy !req
634. What's your problem?Copy !req
635. What's my problem?
Sit your skinny little ass down.Copy !req
636. Nice, Ma. Real nice.Copy !req
637. Nice mouth you got there...Copy !req
638. but I'm not going
through this again.Copy !req
639. You? You're not
going through it again?Copy !req
640. You're not the one that knows
how Jiffy Pop feels, missy.Copy !req
641. Oh, come on, Mom.Copy !req
642. First the picture of Tammy, then
Brett Clemmens, and now this?Copy !req
643. It's scary.Copy !req
644. Scary?
Let me tell you scary.Copy !req
645. Look here. Look at me.Copy !req
646. You want to look
like you've been rode hard...Copy !req
647. and put away wet
when you're my age?Copy !req
648. I'm a lifer here.Copy !req
649. Best thing
I got to look forward to...Copy !req
650. is to end up
in some decent raisin ranch...Copy !req
651. where they change me
twice a day.Copy !req
652. Honest to God, honey.Copy !req
653. If I had it to do over...Copy !req
654. I'd start walking
out of this town...Copy !req
655. the minute I could take
my first step.Copy !req
656. You know, practically...Copy !req
657. the only thing I wouldn't do
different is have you.Copy !req
658. God, I hope that's you
and not your concussion talking.Copy !req
659. It's me.Copy !req
660. I just don't want this to be
the thing that you do over.Copy !req
661. Now, this pageant's
your ticket out of here...Copy !req
662. and I know you can win.Copy !req
663. Come here.Copy !req
664. Oh, I love you much.Copy !req
665. I love you much.Copy !req
666. And you're gonna win.Copy !req
667. She's gonna win.Copy !req
668. Isn't she gonna win, Loretta?Copy !req
669. You bet.Copy !req
670. You'll see.Copy !req
671. Hell no, she ain't quitting.Copy !req
672. No. Mom said if I did...Copy !req
673. she'd look up my dad
and marry him.Copy !req
674. So, has your mom
kept your dad's life a secret?Copy !req
675. No, she never hid the fact...Copy !req
676. that my dad
picked his career over us.Copy !req
677. What did she used to say?Copy !req
678. Once a carny, always a carny.Copy !req
679. Mom still cries
when she sees a tilt-a-whirl...Copy !req
680. or a fat lady in a tube top.Copy !req
681. The Atkins fire.Copy !req
682. Foul play? Shit, no.Copy !req
683. After some extensive
investigating...Copy !req
684. we determined that it must
have been bad wiring.Copy !req
685. Bad wiring?Copy !req
686. That's the biggest
crock of shit I ever heard.Copy !req
687. What, they have a sale
on dull needles at K-Mart?Copy !req
688. I just need one more do-over.Copy !req
689. Now, we need to remember the
three most important parts...Copy !req
690. to give a really good
interview...Copy !req
691. Listen up, number one.Copy !req
692. Number one.Copy !req
693. American Teen Princesses...Copy !req
694. do not cross their legs
like streetwalkers.Copy !req
695. Excuse me,
"Miss Penthouse '98... "Copy !req
696. put your knees together.Copy !req
697. I could drive
a boat show in there.Copy !req
698. Ankles together.Copy !req
699. Hands resting
lightly on your laps.Copy !req
700. Good.
Sit up straight. Smile.Copy !req
701. All right, number two.Copy !req
702. The judges are just
as nervous as you are.Copy !req
703. So, are you about ready...Copy !req
704. to start the judging,
start the interview there?Copy !req
705. I guess I could answer that.Copy !req
706. Yeah, we're ready.Copy !req
707. So we should probably get
the young girls in here, then.Copy !req
708. You know,
to start the interviews.Copy !req
709. If you could be any tree
in the woods...Copy !req
710. what kind of tree would you be?Copy !req
711. Dogwood.Copy !req
712. Bonsai.Copy !req
713. Green?Copy !req
714. I can be any kind
of tree you want.Copy !req
715. Just give me a minute
to warm up.Copy !req
716. One with strong roots in
a community like Mount Rose...Copy !req
717. a solid Christian trunk...Copy !req
718. and long leafy branches
to provide shade...Copy !req
719. for handicapped kids
on a hot summer day.Copy !req
720. You guys know
the retard's pants are open?Copy !req
721. I don't want to see that.Copy !req
722. Who would you pick to be
the president, dead or alive?Copy !req
723. Emperor Hirohito.Copy !req
724. Brett Favre.Copy !req
725. My mother, 'cause she could
solve world hunger...Copy !req
726. with one of her blue-ribbon
rhubarb pies...Copy !req
727. create world peace
with one of her prayers...Copy !req
728. and still find time
to look beautiful...Copy !req
729. for my dad, Lester Leeman.Copy !req
730. Do you like to swim?Copy !req
731. Yeah, I love to swim.Copy !req
732. When I was in New York,
I met Greg Louganis...Copy !req
733. at one of my brother's shows.Copy !req
734. The tard's pants
are completely off.Copy !req
735. Close up shop.Copy !req
736. Are you Amber Atkins?Copy !req
737. Yes, yes, I am. Hello.Copy !req
738. Name and spell
all the United States...Copy !req
739. in alphabetical order.Copy !req
740. Seriously?Copy !req
741. Well...Copy !req
742. Alabama.Copy !req
743. A- I-a-b-a-m-a.Copy !req
744. Alaska.Copy !req
745. A- I-a-s-k-a.Copy !req
746. Arizona.Copy !req
747. A- r-I-z-o-n-a.Copy !req
748. West Virginia.Copy !req
749. W- e-s-t V-I-r-g-I-n-I-a.Copy !req
750. Wisconsin.Copy !req
751. W- I-s-c-o-n-s-I-n.Copy !req
752. Wyoming.Copy !req
753. W- y-o-m-I-n-g.Copy !req
754. Well, OK.Copy !req
755. With two weeks until
the pageant...Copy !req
756. I was practicing my talent,
finishing my costume...Copy !req
757. brushing up on current events...Copy !req
758. and running eighteen miles a day
on about four hundred calories.Copy !req
759. I was ready.Copy !req
760. Girls, couple of things.Copy !req
761. All right, very important.Copy !req
762. Gladys wants us to all go
in show order today.Copy !req
763. All right, so very important,
don't forget that.Copy !req
764. Oh, yeah, really nervous.Copy !req
765. It's been about two months.Copy !req
766. I haven't told my boyfriend yet.Copy !req
767. How did you know?Copy !req
768. I meant nervous
about the pageant.Copy !req
769. Oh, nervous about the pageant.Copy !req
770. There are eight thousand
sequins...Copy !req
771. and fifteen hundred beads
on the skirt alone.Copy !req
772. My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it.Copy !req
773. She's one of my father's
many Mexican workers.Copy !req
774. He lifts them from the poverty
they know in Mexico.Copy !req
775. Yeah, all my mom's clothes
melted onto mine.Copy !req
776. Forming, like, this big
polyester meteor in our closet.Copy !req
777. But in some kind
of weird miracle...Copy !req
778. our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen...Copy !req
779. found my tap costume
on the roof of their trailer...Copy !req
780. while he was setting
coon traps for his dad.Copy !req
781. Here's the weird part.Copy !req
782. It was still on the hanger.Copy !req
783. This is my lucky bolt.Copy !req
784. They think that it fell
from a DC-10.Copy !req
785. The doctor said I was really
lucky the flat side hit me.Copy !req
786. 'Cause otherwise it could have
gone right through my head.Copy !req
787. I know, I know.
Gives me the willies, too.Copy !req
788. Can we switch numbers?Copy !req
789. My cousin just had a deaf baby,
and I get to go see it.Copy !req
790. I need to go first.Copy !req
791. Yeah, sure.
It's my lucky number anyway.Copy !req
792. Diane Sawyer has number eight
at her local.Copy !req
793. - Thanks.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
794. I can see what's mine nowCopy !req
795. Finding out what's trueCopy !req
796. Since I found youCopy !req
797. Looking through the eyesCopy !req
798. Of...Copy !req
799. I'm gonna be honest.Copy !req
800. This is a hard time for me...Copy !req
801. because this is the time
in the pageant...Copy !req
802. when you realize
that tomorrow night...Copy !req
803. all but one of these girls
is gonna walk away a loser.Copy !req
804. To beCopy !req
805. It's just really hard...Copy !req
806. for me to know
what that would feel like.Copy !req
807. It can't feel good.Copy !req
808. Oh, my God, oh, my God.Copy !req
809. Don't touch her.Copy !req
810. Don't move the body.
Don't touch the body.Copy !req
811. She could be paralyzed
from the neck down...Copy !req
812. and you wouldn't know it.Copy !req
813. Someone call nine-one-one.Copy !req
814. Don't say anything...Copy !req
815. 'cause it might be
a hypnotic suggestion.Copy !req
816. Don't you get it?Copy !req
817. I was supposed to go first.Copy !req
818. I was contestant number one.Copy !req
819. That light was meant
for my head.Copy !req
820. If Jenelle hadn't
wanted to go first...Copy !req
821. I owe my life
to that deaf baby.Copy !req
822. Hey, that was your mom.Copy !req
823. She wanted you to have this.Copy !req
824. Really, Loretta?Copy !req
825. You bet.Copy !req
826. My mom wanted me to have this?Copy !req
827. Oh, shut up.Copy !req
828. I thought it might help you
get some sleep.Copy !req
829. Loretta, never have kids.Copy !req
830. Well, God love you
for thinking I still could.Copy !req
831. Your ma did want you
to have this, though...Copy !req
832. since your other one
got toasted.Copy !req
833. It's just like Diane Sawyer's!Copy !req
834. Of course, it's not a size ten.Copy !req
835. Diane was a little hippy then.Copy !req
836. - Not our girl.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
837. Pain meds.Copy !req
838. Hope this thing ends
before they do.Copy !req
839. We have excitement.Copy !req
840. Big excitement.Copy !req
841. Go, Molly!Copy !req
842. Go.Copy !req
843. Leslie Miller
kicks Teen Princess ass!Copy !req
844. Whoo! Go, Muskies!Copy !req
845. Oh, gotta go.Copy !req
846. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
847. Oh, my.Copy !req
848. Is that for me or my gown?Copy !req
849. Welcome to the Mount Rose
American Teen Princess Pageant.Copy !req
850. While every contestant...Copy !req
851. you'll meet here tonight
is special and unique...Copy !req
852. they all have
one thing in common.Copy !req
853. They are all proud
to be an American.Copy !req
854. I chose Mount Rushmore...Copy !req
855. because to live in a country...Copy !req
856. where you can take
an ugly old mountain...Copy !req
857. and put faces on it,
faces of great Americans...Copy !req
858. who did so much to make
our country super great...Copy !req
859. well, that makes me,
Rebecca Leeman...Copy !req
860. proud to be an American.Copy !req
861. I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud
to be an American...Copy !req
862. because living in a country
where Lady Liberty...Copy !req
863. always keeps her flame
burning bright...Copy !req
864. She always keeps her flame
burning bright.Copy !req
865. It makes me proud
to be an American.Copy !req
866. God.Copy !req
867. The Washington Monument...Copy !req
868. Oh, yeah, baby!Copy !req
869. Makes me...Copy !req
870. Leslie Miller,
proud to be an American.Copy !req
871. Living in a country
where no matter who you are...Copy !req
872. or where you come from,
you can grow up...Copy !req
873. and become what you've always
dreamed of makes me...Copy !req
874. Amber Atkins,
proud to be an American.Copy !req
875. Atomic power makes me,
Molly Howard...Copy !req
876. proud to be an Asian-American.Copy !req
877. My uncle Phil's world's-largest
ball of twine...Copy !req
878. in Bundy, Minnesota...Copy !req
879. it makes me proud I'm American.Copy !req
880. I kind of misunderstood
the assignment.Copy !req
881. A couple of notes from
yesterday's dress rehearsal.Copy !req
882. Gladys says a couple of youse...Copy !req
883. are getting sexy
with your hips...Copy !req
884. during the physical
fitness routine.Copy !req
885. Oh, my God,
my tap costume's gone.Copy !req
886. Amber, we are not putting on
our talent costume.Copy !req
887. You need to put on
your physical fitness outfit.Copy !req
888. Let's shake a leg, ladies!Copy !req
889. It was here
before the opening number.Copy !req
890. Wait.Copy !req
891. What am I saying?Copy !req
892. I should just ask you, Becky.Copy !req
893. Where is it?Copy !req
894. What?Copy !req
895. You heard me. Where is it?Copy !req
896. If you're getting at something,
you'd better just say it.Copy !req
897. I just did.Copy !req
898. Well, then you'd better be
willing to back it up...Copy !req
899. because you're talking crazy.Copy !req
900. You bring me on some
of that snotty attitude.Copy !req
901. Bring it on!Copy !req
902. Well, as my mother says
at Sunday dinner...Copy !req
903. come and get it!Copy !req
904. I'll get it!Copy !req
905. I might even take seconds!Copy !req
906. If you want seconds,
I'll make sure you get them!Copy !req
907. Give me your stringy ass!Copy !req
908. I think that you guys
should leave.Copy !req
909. The girls are changing.
I think you should leave.Copy !req
910. All right, let's go.Copy !req
911. - I hate her!
- We all do. Let's go.Copy !req
912. Let's give a big round
of applause...Copy !req
913. for last year's
American Teen Princess...Copy !req
914. in her farewell performance.Copy !req
915. Who could ever forget
her lip-synching...Copy !req
916. to "Don't Cry Out Loud"
by Melissa Manchester?Copy !req
917. And here she is...Copy !req
918. Mary Johanson.Copy !req
919. Don't cry out loudCopy !req
920. Just keep it insideCopy !req
921. And learn how to hide
your feelingsCopy !req
922. Fly high and proudCopy !req
923. And if you should fallCopy !req
924. Remember you almostCopy !req
925. Had it allCopy !req
926. All right, why don't we pick up
the stepladders...Copy !req
927. for the physical fitness number?Copy !req
928. There we go.Copy !req
929. They're wet.Copy !req
930. What?Copy !req
931. My hands are stuck.Copy !req
932. I'm kind of dizzy
from the fumes.Copy !req
933. You know what, girls?Copy !req
934. Keep them away from you so
they don't get on the outfits.Copy !req
935. There we go.Copy !req
936. Let's form a line.Copy !req
937. What kind of a mental retard...Copy !req
938. paints stepladders
right before a pageant?Copy !req
939. I'm the judge!Copy !req
940. Back, you cuddly retard.Copy !req
941. Go, Hank!Copy !req
942. It's OK.Copy !req
943. My dress is fine.Copy !req
944. All right, so...Copy !req
945. our other judges are...Copy !req
946. Jean Kangas...Copy !req
947. and John Dough...Copy !req
948. Opening number looked good...Copy !req
949. solid, but now you're going
to have to actually dance.Copy !req
950. So, here, put a dab of this
on the old choppers, ladies.Copy !req
951. It'll help you smile...Copy !req
952. and when they're looking
at your teeth, God willing...Copy !req
953. they won't be looking
at your feet.Copy !req
954. Hurry up.Copy !req
955. OK, I think we all got some.Copy !req
956. Just take it off.Copy !req
957. Here, I didn't...Copy !req
958. I think it went really well.Copy !req
959. Don't go in the bathroom.Copy !req
960. Tess blew chunks all over.Copy !req
961. She ate a really large dinner.Copy !req
962. Maybe she should've
shoved that lucky bolt...Copy !req
963. down her throat for dessert.Copy !req
964. And the winner
of the spirit award goes to...Copy !req
965. I'd like to take you back
seventeen years...Copy !req
966. when a peanut farmer
was in the White House...Copy !req
967. a group of boys
calling themselves Queen...Copy !req
968. topped the record charts...Copy !req
969. and Gladys Leeman
was Gladys Wood...Copy !req
970. and she was Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.Copy !req
971. Thank you very much.Copy !req
972. You know, seventeen years ago,
I won the talent contest...Copy !req
973. by sewing...Copy !req
974. these culottes...Copy !req
975. Butterick pattern
seven-four-three-two.Copy !req
976. And can you believe it?Copy !req
977. They still fit.Copy !req
978. She had a big ass then,
she's got a big ass now.Copy !req
979. Our next contestant is ready,
so let's welcome her...Copy !req
980. Tess Weinhaus.Copy !req
981. Yeah, it's just gone.Copy !req
982. I mean...Copy !req
983. I just wanna tap, you know?Copy !req
984. I'm not saying I'm the best
or that I'd even win, but...Copy !req
985. shouldn't I at least
get a chance to compete?Copy !req
986. The beagle is known
for its howl.Copy !req
987. I just wanted my mom
to see me dance.Copy !req
988. Amber, Amber, come here.Copy !req
989. Please. I got so much Vaseline
on my teeth...Copy !req
990. I'm going to be smiling
for a year.Copy !req
991. No. Here.Copy !req
992. It's nothing special...Copy !req
993. but talent like yours doesn't
need to hide behind sequins.Copy !req
994. Oh, Miss K.Copy !req
995. Oh, look.Copy !req
996. But none can compare
to the greatest bark of all...Copy !req
997. the German shepherd.Copy !req
998. Aw, hell, go out there
and kick some Leeman ass.Copy !req
999. Not so hard, sweetie.
I heard something snap.Copy !req
1000. Roll him over!Copy !req
1001. Lay him flat!Copy !req
1002. Pin his shoulders!Copy !req
1003. To the mat!Copy !req
1004. Roll him over! Lay him flat!Copy !req
1005. Pin their shoulders
to the mat!Copy !req
1006. Go...Copy !req
1007. Muskies! Yeah!Copy !req
1008. Fade in.Copy !req
1009. The year... 2024.Copy !req
1010. Planet... Earth.Copy !req
1011. The question
on everyone's mind?Copy !req
1012. What is...Copy !req
1013. Soylent Green?Copy !req
1014. Mrs. Clark, why are you
doing this to me?Copy !req
1015. Why are you pretending
you don't know what's going on?Copy !req
1016. Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.Copy !req
1017. But you know the rules.Copy !req
1018. All talent costumes
have to be OK'd...Copy !req
1019. by Gladys before the pageant.Copy !req
1020. But doesn't someone
taking your costume...Copy !req
1021. so you can't compete
overrule that rule?Copy !req
1022. Amber, I'm sorry.
I don't make up the rules.Copy !req
1023. Oh, this...Copy !req
1024. this is bullshit!Copy !req
1025. Amber Atkins, that is not
American Teen Princess language.Copy !req
1026. Good, because this isn't an
American Teen Princess Pageant.Copy !req
1027. This is... this is...Copy !req
1028. this is Nazi Germany!Copy !req
1029. Where do they get this stuff?Copy !req
1030. I'm wearing this tap costume.Copy !req
1031. I'm going to do
my talent tonight.Copy !req
1032. Oh, really?Copy !req
1033. I don't think so.Copy !req
1034. I hate to be the bearer
of bad news...Copy !req
1035. but you know the rules state
that a costume has to be OK'd...Copy !req
1036. at least a week in advance.Copy !req
1037. I couldn't let you go out there
in that skimpy little thing.Copy !req
1038. We've got kids in the audience.Copy !req
1039. I hope you understand.Copy !req
1040. But you... I mean...Copy !req
1041. It's not my fault. Please.Copy !req
1042. I didn't do anything wrong.Copy !req
1043. I know the truth, that's why.Copy !req
1044. I must say...Copy !req
1045. Soylent Green...Copy !req
1046. is people!Copy !req
1047. Now, that's my cue.Copy !req
1048. I just wanted to compete.Copy !req
1049. I can't believe
this is happening.Copy !req
1050. I can't believe she said...Copy !req
1051. Here.Copy !req
1052. Here? What?Copy !req
1053. My jacket.Copy !req
1054. Take it, because I got
my costume OK'd a month ago...Copy !req
1055. before the pageant.
You can wear it.Copy !req
1056. Put it on.Copy !req
1057. Oh, wow.Copy !req
1058. Lisa, I don't think
you should do this.Copy !req
1059. They're never going to let you
perform naked. I asked.Copy !req
1060. Shut up, you guys.Copy !req
1061. Listen, Amber...Copy !req
1062. I'm not going to win.Copy !req
1063. And let's be honest, the family
only needs one Liza...Copy !req
1064. and Peter's got
much better legs than me, OK?Copy !req
1065. Your parents will kill you.Copy !req
1066. Ah, come on.
I love them...Copy !req
1067. but they only had me because
Peter needed that kidney.Copy !req
1068. Thank you.Copy !req
1069. Now...Copy !req
1070. it is with overwhelming pride...Copy !req
1071. that I introduce to you
contestant number six...Copy !req
1072. who is also the president of her
class two years running...Copy !req
1073. an honor roll student,
and the new president...Copy !req
1074. of the Lutheran Sisterhood
Gun Club.Copy !req
1075. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
1076. Rebecca Ann Leeman!Copy !req
1077. You know what?Copy !req
1078. The rumors are true.Copy !req
1079. I do have a special fella
in my life...Copy !req
1080. and if nobody minds...Copy !req
1081. I'd like to sing a little song
just for him.Copy !req
1082. You're just too goodCopy !req
1083. To be trueCopy !req
1084. Can't take my eyesCopy !req
1085. Off of youCopy !req
1086. Bullshit.Copy !req
1087. You'd be like heavenCopy !req
1088. To touchCopy !req
1089. I wanna hold youCopy !req
1090. So muchCopy !req
1091. At long lastCopy !req
1092. Love has arrivedCopy !req
1093. And I thank GodCopy !req
1094. I'm aliveCopy !req
1095. You're just too goodCopy !req
1096. To be trueCopy !req
1097. Can't take my eyesCopy !req
1098. Off of youCopy !req
1099. I love you, babyCopy !req
1100. And if it's quite all rightCopy !req
1101. I need you, babyCopy !req
1102. To warm the lonely nightCopy !req
1103. I love you, babyCopy !req
1104. Trust in me when I sayCopy !req
1105. Lisa, come on, you're next.Copy !req
1106. Nah, I quit.Copy !req
1107. And since my costume was OK'd
a month ago...Copy !req
1108. I'm giving it to Amber.Copy !req
1109. Let me love you, babyCopy !req
1110. Let me love youCopy !req
1111. Oh, boy,
I'd hate to follow that act.Copy !req
1112. The voice of an angel, that one.Copy !req
1113. I have just been notified
that contestant number seven...Copy !req
1114. Lisa Swenson has dropped out
of the pageant.Copy !req
1115. I know,
but these things happen...Copy !req
1116. and we still have one more
contestant... number eight.Copy !req
1117. Amber Atkins.Copy !req
1118. Thank you.Copy !req
1119. Well...Copy !req
1120. The time has finally come...Copy !req
1121. where we say good-bye
to the judges...Copy !req
1122. so that they can go off and make
the toughest decision...Copy !req
1123. of their lives.Copy !req
1124. So, who gets the crown?Copy !req
1125. How are you going
to figure this all out?Copy !req
1126. Well, you know, we'll...Copy !req
1127. compare scores
and figure out a winner...Copy !req
1128. because, I mean, we don't know
who the winner is yet.Copy !req
1129. I mean, I have no idea
who Jean picked...Copy !req
1130. or Harold.Copy !req
1131. - No.
- No idea.Copy !req
1132. I know who the winner is.Copy !req
1133. I know who the winner...
Harold.Copy !req
1134. I know who the winner is.Copy !req
1135. That's it.Copy !req
1136. You shut your goddamn mouth,
you goddamn retard!Copy !req
1137. I've had your shit
for two weeks now!Copy !req
1138. Come on.Copy !req
1139. Back off, college boy!
Now listen!Copy !req
1140. Hank can't help it if he's born
crazier than a shit-house rat!Copy !req
1141. For fuck's sake, why didn't you
leave him with a sitter?Copy !req
1142. Nice, John.Copy !req
1143. That's real nice.Copy !req
1144. You know the baby-sitter's dead.Copy !req
1145. So...Copy !req
1146. Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?Copy !req
1147. Oh, yeah. I brought her
some flowers this morning.Copy !req
1148. Yeah. She's in the room
next to my mom.Copy !req
1149. Oh, she's super happy.Copy !req
1150. She's happy?Copy !req
1151. Oh, the blow to her head
made her deaf.Copy !req
1152. Oh, God.Copy !req
1153. - Isn't that great?
- Oh, that's great.Copy !req
1154. She's so happy.Copy !req
1155. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
1156. What are they doing, letting
the retard count the votes?Copy !req
1157. Ladies, it's time.Copy !req
1158. Welcome back, everybody...Copy !req
1159. and judges.Copy !req
1160. Oh, gosh.Copy !req
1161. We are so darn close
to that moment...Copy !req
1162. we have all been waiting for.Copy !req
1163. And now, our second runner-up...Copy !req
1164. and winner
of a fifty-dollar scholarship...Copy !req
1165. for the vo-tech
of her choice is...Copy !req
1166. Leslie Miller.Copy !req
1167. You rule, Leslie!Copy !req
1168. Envelope, please.Copy !req
1169. Our next prize, a seventy-five-
dollar scholarship...Copy !req
1170. will be awarded
to the first runner-up.Copy !req
1171. The first runner-up is...Copy !req
1172. Amber Atkins.Copy !req
1173. And now, finally the moment...Copy !req
1174. that I know
I've been waiting for.Copy !req
1175. With a scholarship
of five hundred dollars...Copy !req
1176. courtesy Leeman Furniture,
and an all-expense-paid trip...Copy !req
1177. next weekend, when she will be
competing for the title...Copy !req
1178. of Sarah Rose Cosmetics...Copy !req
1179. Minnesota
American Teen Princess...Copy !req
1180. Our new...Copy !req
1181. Mount Rose
American Teen Princess is...Copy !req
1182. contestant number...Copy !req
1183. You know what?
It's my daughter...Copy !req
1184. Rebecca Ann Leeman!Copy !req
1185. Oh, thank you so much.Copy !req
1186. Bitch.Copy !req
1187. Here she isCopy !req
1188. Our Mount RoseCopy !req
1189. American Teen PrincessCopy !req
1190. Look at herCopy !req
1191. Doesn't she look fine?Copy !req
1192. Our heart swells bigCopy !req
1193. As we look at herCopy !req
1194. Our Mount RoseCopy !req
1195. American Teen PrincessCopy !req
1196. One, two, three.Copy !req
1197. - You got her there?
- Yeah, I got her.Copy !req
1198. We was robbed. We was robbed.Copy !req
1199. It's OK. They're just
giving her a ride back.Copy !req
1200. She almost blew out of Loretta's
pickup on the way over.Copy !req
1201. Thank God for bungee cords.Copy !req
1202. I got second runner-up.Copy !req
1203. I got second place.Copy !req
1204. - Third.
- Huh?Copy !req
1205. - Third.
- Bye.Copy !req
1206. Are you disappointed
about not winning?Copy !req
1207. Yeah, well, no.Copy !req
1208. At least I got to compete,
and my mom got to see me dance.Copy !req
1209. I guess number eight
only worked for Diane Sawyer.Copy !req
1210. Oh, stop.Copy !req
1211. Let's go home.Copy !req
1212. I'll let you drive.Copy !req
1213. I hope it was worth it.Copy !req
1214. No, Dad, it was worth it.Copy !req
1215. Amber should've won.Copy !req
1216. I tell you one thing...Copy !req
1217. Peter never would've pulled
a shenanigan like that.Copy !req
1218. Well, you know what, Dad?Copy !req
1219. You know what? Peter's gay.Copy !req
1220. Gay!Copy !req
1221. What?Copy !req
1222. So, Becky, how does it feel?Copy !req
1223. Oh, well...Copy !req
1224. I mean,
it's all happening so fast.Copy !req
1225. I'm so excited.Copy !req
1226. I mean, I won.Copy !req
1227. I'm the winner,
and I'm going to state.Copy !req
1228. She's the winner,
and we're going to state.Copy !req
1229. What a surprise.Copy !req
1230. Gladys Leeman's finally
going to go to state...Copy !req
1231. and she'll probably
ride on Becky's ass...Copy !req
1232. all the way to nationals, too.Copy !req
1233. Wonder how she's going
to fix that one.Copy !req
1234. Are you ladies going
to the parade?Copy !req
1235. Nah. I think I'm, like,
due or something.Copy !req
1236. Beautiful as a whore's ass
today, huh, boys?Copy !req
1237. Do you need help
with the cooler?Copy !req
1238. See, Gladys had me get that
special-made from Mexico...Copy !req
1239. in case Becky won.Copy !req
1240. You know, I do a lot
of business down there...Copy !req
1241. always offer
to pay them off in tacos.Copy !req
1242. Oh, they love that.Copy !req
1243. Keep on moving through.Copy !req
1244. Let's get this straight
right now.Copy !req
1245. We wouldn't have been
late at all if not for you.Copy !req
1246. I want to have the big bag
of little doughnuts.Copy !req
1247. You get nothing, Hank.Copy !req
1248. I want to eat a big bag
of little doughnuts.Copy !req
1249. There's your paint can.Copy !req
1250. The next time you drink
window cleaner...Copy !req
1251. I'm just going to
leave it in you.Copy !req
1252. My pants are...Copy !req
1253. You rule!Copy !req
1254. Rebecca Ann Leeman.Copy !req
1255. You are the one
that wanted this.Copy !req
1256. Now get up there.Copy !req
1257. I don't care if you have to ride
this thing sidesaddle.Copy !req
1258. Get up there.Copy !req
1259. It smells funny... like gasoline.Copy !req
1260. Everything smells
like that in Mexico.Copy !req
1261. My dress will reek, Mother.Copy !req
1262. You listen to me now, missy.Copy !req
1263. This thing cost your dad
a pretty penny...Copy !req
1264. so you get your ass up there.Copy !req
1265. And show me some teeth.Copy !req
1266. Love you, baby.Copy !req
1267. You rule!Copy !req
1268. Stop it!Copy !req
1269. You are a bad kid!Copy !req
1270. You rule!Copy !req
1271. If I die from these fumes...Copy !req
1272. you'll make sure and cover up
the hickeys on my neck?Copy !req
1273. And the bite marks on my ears.Copy !req
1274. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
1275. And I know it won't show,
but on my inner thighs...Copy !req
1276. Yes, Leslie, OK.Copy !req
1277. Help!Copy !req
1278. OK, I designed the float.Copy !req
1279. And what's going to happen here
is that this is going to look...Copy !req
1280. like a glistening lake
beneath the swan.Copy !req
1281. We need more bars.Copy !req
1282. This is... What?Copy !req
1283. Enid ate a whole pan.Copy !req
1284. She can't do anything
by herself.Copy !req
1285. This is exactly
how I pictured it...Copy !req
1286. Choking on swan gas.Copy !req
1287. Oh, great.Copy !req
1288. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1289. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.Copy !req
1290. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1291. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.Copy !req
1292. Oh, my baby!Copy !req
1293. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1294. The swan ate my baby!Copy !req
1295. Becky, baby, get up!Copy !req
1296. We got to go to state!Copy !req
1297. Gladys, let her go.Copy !req
1298. No. She's not getting up.Copy !req
1299. We got to...
Get off of me, you cow!Copy !req
1300. What are you looking at, huh?Copy !req
1301. A whole goddamned town
full of losers...Copy !req
1302. that's what I'm looking at!Copy !req
1303. And you...Copy !req
1304. You piece of shit trailer trash!Copy !req
1305. That should've been you
in there!Copy !req
1306. Damn it, I should've killed you
when I had a chance...Copy !req
1307. just like your little friend!Copy !req
1308. Tammy was one crispy critter
up on that thresher!Copy !req
1309. Ding! Fries are up!Copy !req
1310. Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
1311. Take it easy.Copy !req
1312. Let go of me!Copy !req
1313. Oh, my God, it's "Cops. "Copy !req
1314. He sells reproductions!Copy !req
1315. His furniture's as fake
as my orgasms.Copy !req
1316. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
1317. Hey. What's up, Scott?Copy !req
1318. You remember Bruce, right?Copy !req
1319. Bruce, that's Roy.
Roy, Bruce.Copy !req
1320. And that's why, dear Lord,
it's with such great sorrow...Copy !req
1321. we turn over to you
this young woman...Copy !req
1322. whose dream of riding
on a giant swan...Copy !req
1323. has brought about
her untimely death.Copy !req
1324. Maybe it's your way
of telling us to buy American.Copy !req
1325. That's right.Copy !req
1326. As acting president...Copy !req
1327. of the Mount Rose
Civil Servettes...Copy !req
1328. it is my duty...Copy !req
1329. to make you Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.Copy !req
1330. Turn around for the picture.Copy !req
1331. You look good.Copy !req
1332. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
1333. I don't know.Copy !req
1334. I didn't wanna win like this.Copy !req
1335. You stop right there.Copy !req
1336. You are a good person.Copy !req
1337. Good things happen
to good people.Copy !req
1338. Really?Copy !req
1339. No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie.Copy !req
1340. You're lucky as hell,
so you might as well enjoy it.Copy !req
1341. Let's get you a root-beer float.Copy !req
1342. You guys want some shots?
I'm buying.Copy !req
1343. I never liked her,
but she didn't deserve...Copy !req
1344. to die in the belly
of a swan like that.Copy !req
1345. The whole thing's just kinda
sad and lame at the same time.Copy !req
1346. This came for you, sweetie.Copy !req
1347. Hi, guys.Copy !req
1348. It's from the state!Copy !req
1349. Yeah. Open it up.Copy !req
1350. It's all the stuff I get to do.Copy !req
1351. OK, let's see.Copy !req
1352. We get a personal consultation
with a makeup artist.Copy !req
1353. Oh, there'll be
a choreographer to the stars.Copy !req
1354. - Choreographer.
- The stars.Copy !req
1355. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1356. No way. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1357. For Christ's sakes,
spit it out, Amber.Copy !req
1358. We'll be staying overnight at...Copy !req
1359. the Airport Howard Johnson!Copy !req
1360. Right by the airport!Copy !req
1361. Oh, Amber!Copy !req
1362. God, that's so great!Copy !req
1363. Oh, crap. I only got
four weeks to practice.Copy !req
1364. Let's go, let's go!
Right now!Copy !req
1365. I'm gonna call your mom.Copy !req
1366. All right, say, "airport hotel. "Copy !req
1367. Airport hotel!Copy !req
1368. Coffee and doughnuts.Copy !req
1369. Yeah, why don't you
take a picture?Copy !req
1370. It lasts longer.Copy !req
1371. Loretta, don't do that.Copy !req
1372. All right. I'm sorry.
They're just staring.Copy !req
1373. I gotta work with these girls.Copy !req
1374. OK, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1375. And you are...Copy !req
1376. Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.Copy !req
1377. Funny, you don't look dead.Copy !req
1378. - OK, ladies!
- Girls, come on.Copy !req
1379. Ladies, listen up.
I'm Colleen Douglas.Copy !req
1380. And this raven beauty
on my right is Terry Macy.Copy !req
1381. Hi there.Copy !req
1382. And we're your Minnesota
American Teen Princess...Copy !req
1383. state board.Copy !req
1384. That's right.Copy !req
1385. We're also the cofounders of
the Minnesota Modeling Academy.Copy !req
1386. Yep. And you can get
your applications...Copy !req
1387. over here at the tiki bar...Copy !req
1388. and we will wave the
fifty-dollar application fee...Copy !req
1389. if you list a friend
and put down her address.Copy !req
1390. So...Copy !req
1391. you're cute.Copy !req
1392. Oh, I see you're married.Copy !req
1393. If you catch this in your mouth,
I'll give you a present.Copy !req
1394. All right? Open wide.Copy !req
1395. Oh, God, you got that
on the first try.Copy !req
1396. Come here.Copy !req
1397. Oh, you are cute.Copy !req
1398. OK, due to budgetary
cutbacks...Copy !req
1399. And the fact...Copy !req
1400. that the national didn't
cough up a goddamn nickel...Copy !req
1401. You won't be staying overnight.Copy !req
1402. So everybody pay attention.Copy !req
1403. You've got about eight hours
till showtime.Copy !req
1404. Remember to count, ladies.Copy !req
1405. Cross on the left
and arms up on eight.Copy !req
1406. On the beat, on the beat,
on the beat!Copy !req
1407. Keep on. Keep moving it.Copy !req
1408. Come on, Miss Forest Lake...Copy !req
1409. take that stick out of your ass
or I will!Copy !req
1410. All right. Very nice.Copy !req
1411. Now come on.Copy !req
1412. Mom's out here in the front row.Copy !req
1413. Come on. Sell it!Copy !req
1414. That's very nice.Copy !req
1415. Remember, figure eights, ladies.Copy !req
1416. I can sum up our entire
philosophy with this glass.Copy !req
1417. I can look at it and see...Copy !req
1418. it's half full.Copy !req
1419. Which in the beauty pageant biz
means...Copy !req
1420. "Where the hell is my waiter?"Copy !req
1421. - Marco!
- Polo!Copy !req
1422. Stop with the friggin' Marco
Polo, or I'll come over there...Copy !req
1423. and rip your
fat little heads off!Copy !req
1424. Miss Burnsville,
you're up next.Copy !req
1425. I have a little
secret weapon of my own.Copy !req
1426. Don't tell anyone.Copy !req
1427. Oh, I don't eat shellfish.Copy !req
1428. Ma always says,
"Don't eat anything...Copy !req
1429. "that can carry its house
around with it.Copy !req
1430. "Who knows the last time
it's been cleaned?"Copy !req
1431. I've done
about thirty-five pageants.Copy !req
1432. I guess my most memorable one...Copy !req
1433. would have to be
Miss Teen America 1995...Copy !req
1434. 'cause it was in Vegas.Copy !req
1435. And my roommate did Adam West.Copy !req
1436. She said he was so horny.Copy !req
1437. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1438. I should just go home now.Copy !req
1439. OK, real good.Copy !req
1440. One suggestion, sweetie.Copy !req
1441. Why don't you hike up your skirt
a little bit then, OK?Copy !req
1442. Next!Copy !req
1443. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1444. I gotta go!Copy !req
1445. You better do something
about those nerves, sweetie.Copy !req
1446. Thirty million people
aren't gonna wait for you...Copy !req
1447. while you run to the john.Copy !req
1448. That's true.Copy !req
1449. Will somebody
get a mop and a bucket?Copy !req
1450. Today, a beauty pageant
turned ugly.Copy !req
1451. Did I win?Copy !req
1452. Honey, if I was a good lover...Copy !req
1453. Oh, for crap sake.Copy !req
1454. A salmonella dysentery
outbreak...Copy !req
1455. now traced to improperly
refrigerated shellfish...Copy !req
1456. was believed to be the cause.Copy !req
1457. Oh, my God.
Do you think they heard us?Copy !req
1458. Oh, for Christ's sake!
Call an ambulance!Copy !req
1459. An ambulance?Copy !req
1460. Call a priest,
for Christ's sake!Copy !req
1461. Joining us now
is David Richardson...Copy !req
1462. a member of a documentary crew
filming the pageant.Copy !req
1463. He was there
when tragedy struck.Copy !req
1464. Fuckin' beauty queens
blowin' chunks everywhere.Copy !req
1465. I've never seen anything
like it before, and...Copy !req
1466. I live in L.A.Copy !req
1467. Oh, hey, Ed.Copy !req
1468. That's our sound guy.Copy !req
1469. Could you tell us anything
about the controversy?Copy !req
1470. Is there a controversy here?Copy !req
1471. Has there been sabotage?Copy !req
1472. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1473. While we haven't
ruled out sabotage...Copy !req
1474. from neighboring
state pageants...Copy !req
1475. Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota.Copy !req
1476. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
1477. Ohio.Copy !req
1478. That bitch from Wisconsin.Copy !req
1479. All right then.Copy !req
1480. The important thing
is we have a winner!Copy !req
1481. - Yes, we do.
- OK.Copy !req
1482. The Minnesota Modeling Academy
is proud to present...Copy !req
1483. Along with Sarah Rose
Cosmetics...Copy !req
1484. Amber Atkins...Copy !req
1485. The new Minnesota
American Teen Princess!Copy !req
1486. That's Amber Atkins.Copy !req
1487. That's right.
From Mount Rose.Copy !req
1488. Amber, how do you feel?Copy !req
1489. Well, I...Copy !req
1490. I feel like I need
to take a shower.Copy !req
1491. Honey, is this the best day
of your life?Copy !req
1492. Yeah. I wish
my mom was here, though.Copy !req
1493. Wave hi to her.Copy !req
1494. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
1495. Hey, you hear that?Copy !req
1496. Hi, monkey.Copy !req
1497. I got some.Copy !req
1498. Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no.Copy !req
1499. You know, I still don't
want to be on camera.Copy !req
1500. I just wanna say...Copy !req
1501. that little bitch
better watch her back...Copy !req
1502. at the nationals...Copy !req
1503. 'cause I am making friends
on the inside.Copy !req
1504. Yeah. Darn good friends.Copy !req
1505. Friends who have friends
on the outside.Copy !req
1506. Get your sweet ass
off the phone, Cinnamon.Copy !req
1507. Gotta go.Copy !req
1508. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1509. I just can't believe it.Copy !req
1510. I'm Minnesota's
American Teen Princess.Copy !req
1511. Our baby's going to nationals.Copy !req
1512. Lincoln, Alabama, look out!Copy !req
1513. I'm gonna be on TV
just like Diane Sawyer.Copy !req
1514. Annette, just use your hand.Copy !req
1515. They told me to practice.Copy !req
1516. I did it.Copy !req
1517. OK. Ready?Copy !req
1518. Here's the signal I'm gonna give
Mom when I'm on TV.Copy !req
1519. My little Carol Burnett.Copy !req
1520. Here she is...Copy !req
1521. Minnesota's
American Teen Princess...Copy !req
1522. and soon to be...Copy !req
1523. the next America's
American Teen Princess...Copy !req
1524. our little Amber.Copy !req
1525. So after Frank
dusts the crops...Copy !req
1526. he's taking her
to Lincoln, Alabama.Copy !req
1527. Come on out...Copy !req
1528. you little blond piece
of trailer-park trash!Copy !req
1529. We're here in the sixth hour
of a shootout between...Copy !req
1530. This is Amber Atkins...Copy !req
1531. reporting live from
the Food Shack for KRLH News.Copy !req
1532. One of our reporters
has just been shot.Copy !req
1533. Paramedics are working on her
right now...Copy !req
1534. I'm Peter Atchison.Copy !req
1535. And I'm Amber Atkins.Copy !req
1536. For WAZB News, good night.Copy !req