Driver's Ed (2025)

1. Idiot.

2. What's so important on your phone, monsieur?

3. Oh, it's nothing. I'm, I'm sorry.

4. Um... Bibliothèque?

5. Please read us what is on Monsieur Jeremy's phone.

6. Um, do I have to?

7. Mhmmm

8. Okay, it's just a... it's a text message. It's boring.

9. Go on...

10. He's sext-texting.

11. It says, "I Googled lovesickness last night

12. and it's actually a thing. Did you know that?"

13. "It's on WebMD. I miss you so much. This is harder than I thought it would be."

14. "Parentheses, that's what she said."

15. "But seriously, when I started thinking about when we swam naked at the lake..."

16. "... and now I'm in French class with le boner."

17. "Haha, I love you. Let's FaceTime at lunch."

18. And the rest is just emojis.

19. Lots of hearts and eggplants!

20. Why didn't you just delete it on your way to my office?

21. Sorry, I didn't think of that. I...

22. This is like the first time I've been in trouble,

23. except for obviously the talent show last year.

24. Oh right, the talent show. Yeah.

25. How could I forget about the talent show? I got a lot of calls about that one.

26. Yeah. Well, you know, it's really difficult to make an emotionally truthful film

27. about gangsters that isn't R-rated.

28. Um, I thought people would appreciate the realism.

29. Do you?

30. Yeah.

31. That's what you think.

32. Do you have any kind of idea the bullshit that I'm up against?

33. Do you think about that? Or do you just think about yourself?

34. Cause I got problems, okay?

35. I got PSAT scores from last year that are in the toilet!

36. I got the janitors threatening to go on strike again!

37. I have ninth graders walking around with weed

38. gummies like they're Flintstone vitamins!

39. I am skating on thin ice here, okay? My job's on the line. It's stressful.

40. I don't have time to deal with your bullshit! I'm busy!

41. Busy, busy! I have calls to make! Things to do! One person, okay?

42. Yeah.

43. Look, you're obviously passionate. That's good. You're probably a good kid.

44. But you're killing me man. You cannot sext in the middle of class. Do you understand?

45. Principal Fisher, have you ever been in a long-distance relationship?

46. That's private. I'm not answering that.

47. Okay, well, um... off the record, can I swear?

48. No, you can't swear.

49. Well, I mean you just said bullshit.

50. I'm the principal. I can say whatever the fuck I want.

51. Okay. Um...

52. So Samantha, my girlfriend, just started at Chapel Hill.

53. And we decided that we were gonna stay together.

54. Which is fine because I'm gonna go meet her there in a year.

55. Oh.

56. The point is that I'm stuck here. And it effing sucks.

57. I just can't stop thinking about her. I don't know what to do.

58. Well, college is a big change.

59. Yeah. But, you know, you're always the same person.

60. Well, no, actually you're never the same person because change is constant.

61. It's just part of growing up.

62. Yeah. I mean that's one take.

63. No, that's the right way of looking at it.

64. Alright, listen. I'm gonna give you detention next week, Monday to Friday.

65. Here's your phone.

66. It was a victimless offense.

67. Get out of my office. I don't want to hear it. Out! Get out!

68. Um, are you guys getting service?

69. - Yeah. - Mmhmm

70. Cool.

71. Hey, you know, I'm sorry I read that boner part out loud.

72. Oh no, I didn't have one.

73. What boner?

74. Uh, it was a text to my girlfriend. Um...

75. Of your boner?

76. No. No, man. There was no...

77. Wait, you got a new girlfriend already?

78. No, no. Me and Sam are still together.

79. She's in college. Is that even legal?

80. Yes.

81. Legal to fuck?

82. Why would it not be? I'm 18, she's 18.

83. We're both... everyone's 18.

84. Who the fuck is that guy?

85. Wait, is he coming here?

86. I hope not.

87. Hole in one. - All right.

88. I'm Mr. Rivers. You can call me Jesse.

89. Where's Mr. Cameron?

90. Oh, I don't know who that is.

91. I just go where they tell me.

92. Wait, you subbed World History last year, right?

93. Yeah, probably.

94. Yeah, you showed us Gladiator even though

95. we were supposed to be studying World War I.

96. Oh yeah! Great flick. You're welcome.

97. This is just a side gig by the way. I'm actually writing a novel.

98. What happened to your arms?

99. Oh, I fell down an escalator going up at the mall.

100. Whew! Do not recommend.

101. Why did they set them in that position?

102. I don't know. I was asleep. By the time I woke up, I was a little teapot.

103. Oh.

104. All right buddy, focus up. Hands 10 and 4.

105. Wait, isn't it 10 and 2?

106. 10-2, 10-3, 10-10. It's just numbers. Do what feels good, you know.

107. Follow your heart. And the rules of the road.

108. Let's go. Okay.

109. Okay, now keep... okay, no, no, no.

110. Slow down. It's okay. Slow down.

111. Great. You're doing really well.

112. Now just press the start.

113. You don't have to hit the brake.

114. Use both feet. You're just using one foot.

115. Okay, no no no

116. All right, go left here.

117. Or go that direction.

118. You're crushing it man. You're a natural driver. Very good.

119. So, what are a bunch of seniors doing in driver's ed?

120. Um, well, I divorced my entire friend group this summer,

121. so I don't really have anyone to give me a ride.

122. Ah, their loss.

123. Well, if I'm gonna create a prototype of the solar car

124. I've been developing,

125. I'm gonna need to know how to drive it.

126. Solar car, go you!

127. I failed this class three semesters in a row.

128. This is your year amigo, I can feel it. Give me a bump.

129. Ow! Oh!

130. What about you, Slim?

131. Oh, um... my girlfriend, you know,

132. she used to drive me everywhere.

133. She already has her license.

134. Used to. She cut you loose, huh?

135. Oh, no, no, no. She's at college. We're making it work.

136. Ah, yeah. Living on borrowed time, my man. I'm sorry.

137. It's gonna hurt, but you will grow from it, okay?

138. Oh my god, look at this asshole going 15 in a 30.

139. At that point just get out and walk! Honk the horn!

140. I thought we were only supposed to honk the

141. horn if it was like to warn of imminent danger?

142. Yeah, I'm in imminent danger of dying of old age in this car. Honk the horn!

143. There you go buddy, see? There's a lot of gray areas in driving.

144. Life too, you know. You can't drive scared.

145. Cowards die a thousand times. Brave men die one time.

146. That's a quote.

147. Actually it's "Cowards die many times before their

148. deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."

149. It's Shakespeare.

150. Yeah, his shit is so tight.

151. You're not supposed to text and drive.

152. He's at a stop sign, it's fine.

153. Um, Evie, can you read this for me? Please?

154. Please? Thank you.

155. Um, it says "Can't FaceTime at lunch. Let's talk later."

156. Ooh.

157. That's it?

158. Yeah.

159. There's no like... no emojis or anything?

160. Nothing else? - No.

161. Whoa! - Fuck!

162. You just hit that car!

163. It's okay, you just grazed it.

164. That's called a Carolina kiss. Keep driving.

165. That's sick.

166. Don't look back. Never look back. Unless you're in reverse.

167. And even then use the mirror.

168. What?

169. Did you eat?

170. Um, yeah, yeah. I had some cereal.

171. Can I come in?

172. Yeah.

173. School called today.

174. What did they call about?

175. Honey, I know you miss her. But you can't let it ruin your life.

176. She's the best thing in my life. I mean shouldn't we be celebrating that?

177. Oh no. I don't think we should be celebrating a week of detention. You know?

178. Sorry.

179. No, it's fine. I get it.

180. What are you working on?

181. It's a script.

182. It's about a female undercover narcotics agent at a high

183. school who uh, you know, may or may not be a cannibal

184. and she finds out that the principal is in

185. bed with the cartels selling to the students.

186. I'm gonna, you know, I'm writing it for Sam. She's gonna be in it.

187. And uh, we'll shoot it over winter break. Unless she goes skiing with her parents.

188. Um, maybe there could be less cursing in this one?

189. There's food downstairs if you want it. I love you.

190. Okay, love you.

191. Sam? Hey.

192. How are you doing?

193. I might be drunk.

194. Thursdays are like Fridays here. And Wednesdays are like Thursdays.

195. Why are you whispering?

196. I'm stuck in a hallway. Dakota has another guy in her room.

197. She's an incredibly sexual person. That's a direct quote. Zero shame.

198. She just has like a really powerful sense of

199. intuition. It's like a psychic gift I guess.

200. I don't know. She grew up in Santa Fe.

201. I miss you.

202. I know

203. What?

204. I just... I wish you wouldn't say it.

205. It makes me feel bad and I can't fix it.

206. You don't have to fix it.

207. Look... it's hopeless. You know?

208. I mean you know that, right?

209. What? No, what? What do you mean it's hopeless?

210. Whoo! Heels!

211. That guy was just naked.

212. Jesus Christ. It's like the Wild West over there.

213. His balls were incredibly long. I think he has like a medical condition.

214. Um, wait, why did you say it was hopeless though?

215. Come on. You know it is. I mean...

216. You want everything to be the way that it used to be. But it can't.

217. You just can't see that because you're there and I'm here.

218. Look Sam, I think we just need to see each other. You know what I mean?

219. Like Homecoming is only 17 days away and...

220. I can't come home for Homecoming.

221. What?

222. I just left. I mean it would be weird.

223. Nobody goes home for Homecoming.

224. Everybody goes home for Homecoming. It's called Homecoming.

225. That's the whole point.

226. Look, it's not our fault. And it's gonna break our heart but we'll be okay.

227. Are... are you breaking up with me?

228. Naked guy's back. I gotta go, okay?

229. Dude, what's wrong with your balls?

230. Good morning.

231. Beautiful day for a drive.

232. Ah, fuck!

233. Left my coffee by my skateboard.

234. Oh no, I'll go get it.

235. Yeah! - Perfect!

236. Fuck it.

237. Whoa whoa whoa! Stop!

238. What the fuck are you doing?

239. Guys! No!

240. You can't drive without me!

241. Jeremy! What the fuck? - Stop!

242. Stop the car!

243. What's going on, dude?

244. Love that turn signal! Now you're getting it!

245. Okay, just uh, turn around, take the next right.

246. Dude, whatever this is, it's awesome.

247. That was the turn!

248. Okay, just everybody stop yelling!

249. You're the only one yelling.

250. Oh my god, what is this? What is this round thing?

251. This is a roundabout.

252. Drivers always yield to motorists already in the roundabout.

253. Also it's right in front of the high school.

254. What do I do?

255. Use your blinker.

256. You're gonna have to find where you want to get out of it.

257. Alright?

258. Okay, where?

259. Now! Let him go! Get out! Get out!

260. All right, dude. Nice.

261. Oh my god. What the fuck is happening, Jeremy?

262. I'm gonna drive to Chapel Hill to save me and Samantha's relationship, okay?

263. What?

264. Yes. I, you know, she almost tried to break up with me last night, I think.

265. I'm not really sure. Maybe she didn't mean to. You know, she was really drunk.

266. Oh my god, when you're drunk, you're more honest, okay?

267. I don't think so. I don't know.

268. Watch out!

269. Oh my god! You just ran a stop sign!

270. No, he didn't.

271. He ran a red light.

272. Look, if you don't pull over right now and let me out,

273. I'm calling the police.

274. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

275. You don't need to call the police.

276. It's okay.

277. I promise I will pull over

278. as soon as we're far enough away

279. from school, huh?

280. This is a terrible idea. It's super...

281. not in a good way... melodramatic.

282. It's psycho.

283. It's giving... like super desperate, you know?

284. And desperation... it's not attractive.

285. Okay, I'm not desperate. I'm... inspired.

286. Okay, send flowers! I don't know!

287. No, flowers are generic and corny.

288. If guys only knew how good it felt to get flowers.

289. Nobody sends us flowers.

290. Exactly. He's right. Thank you.

291. Whatever. It really doesn't even matter because love is bullshit.

292. Love is bullshit?

293. Basically.

294. Who says that?

295. Do not do this. All right?

296. I fucking have to! Okay? I fucking have to.

297. I'm sorry. - Pop off, king!

298. Yes.

299. So you're sure that he was the one driving?

300. Not really. My arm pills make me fuzzy.

301. What about that kid, um, Yoshi Shibuya?

302. I mean, he is the school drug dealer after all. I just can't prove it.

303. Yoshi's a drug dealer?

304. Yes.

305. Like what kind of drugs are we talking?

306. The illegal kind.

307. So what happened to you?

308. Oh, freak pickleball accident.

309. What?

310. I was at the net. I jumped up for a volley.

311. Both my feet got stuck in the net.

312. I see the ground coming towards my face...

313. Boom!

314. Next thing I know, I'm in the hospital.

315. What's the situation?

316. My driver's ed car got hijacked, sir.

317. How many hostages?

318. Three.

319. No, this isn't a hijacking.

320. This is kids fucking around.

321. What happened was the car was left unattended

322. by our substitute driving instructor.

323. I'm primarily a writer.

324. How long they been in the wind?

325. Um, maybe like 10 or 20 minutes.

326. We need to establish a perimeter with checkpoints on all major roads.

327. No one gets in and out of this town without us knowing about it.

328. Have you contacted law enforcement?

329. No. No way. And I'm not going to. I mean, not yet.

330. Why?

331. Because if this gets out, all of us are gonna

332. have shit on our faces. Do you understand?

333. Officer, can I ask you one question? Before you were fired...

334. is there anyone in the state police that you have

335. a trustworthy relationship with?

336. Yeah, my ex-partner. She's true blue.

337. Good. Okay, so give her a call...

338. and explain to her that it's a yellow Kia covered in driver's ed signs.

339. Hey, hey. Be nice to them, okay? They're good kids.

340. What? They are not good kids.

341. They're brats. Just scare the hell out of them. I don't care.

342. Do whatever you gotta do, just get them back here.

343. Because I am not letting three dipshits and the valedictorian...

344. fuck me out of tenure.

345. I'm not doing it. No way.

346. Not happening, bros.

347. What the fuck happened to you?

348. My car got stolen. I literally just told you.

349. I'm calling an Uber.

350. Jeremy.

351. Just please don't tell anyone where I'm going, all right?

352. Okay, what do I tell them then?

353. I don't know. Tell them I'm having a manic episode or something.

354. Yeah, that's actually probably true.

355. Jeremy.

356. What?

357. How are you so sure about this?

358. Like about you and her and this epic love story of yours?

359. Tell me one thing. Anything.

360. Okay, you remember my short film that won the talent show last year?

361. The mafia thing?

362. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Come Heavy".

363. Sorry, there's just no world where that doesn't sound like a porn.

364. No, dude, it means like come with a loaded gun.

365. That still sounds like a porn.

366. Anyway, I wrote it for her.

367. You know, I write everything for her.

368. And uh, "Come Heavy" was like my "Goodfellas".

369. But because of her, I was like, why are these movies always about dudes?

370. And so instead of being just like this stereotypical girlfriend character...

371. she's the lead of the movie. And now it's something special.

372. Right?

373. No doubt.

374. I voted for you.

375. Really?

376. The point is, she inspires me, all right?

377. And basically everything I do is either

378. inspired or made better by her being in my life.

379. Like, she fucking got me this jacket.

380. Because I love Wes Anderson and Wes always wears a jacket on set.

381. And so the night before we shot "Come Heavy", she was like...

382. "Here, here you go." She just gave it to me.

383. Because she knew me. You know?

384. So it's like, I wouldn't be myself without her.

385. Or at least I wouldn't be the same version of myself. So...

386. if I lose her...

387. I don't know. What am I?

388. Fuck it.

389. Let's do this.

390. Do what?

391. I'm coming with.

392. Dude.

393. Dude.

394. This is more of like a... this is a solo mission.

395. I'm coming too.

396. Yes.

397. What? No.

398. I thought you said that this is a terrible idea

399. and that love is bullshit.

400. Well, it is, but um... you are gonna do it anyways, right?

401. What about your parents?

402. Well, my parents are on a second honeymoon

403. so they don't get divorced...

404. so I don't think that'll be a problem.

405. Yeah, my dad is emotionally checked out.

406. Oh, no, no. No. Absolutely not.

407. No.

408. Okay, you gotta come, right?

409. Why? - Because we all are.

410. No. No. No way.

411. Can you try to live in the moment for once?

412. Look, no, I... I have an orchestra concert on Sunday.

413. Who gives a shit?

414. I do! I'm first chair viola!

415. Seriously. You should come.

416. Yeah.

417. Guys...

418. You really don't have to come.

419. I really appreciate it, but it's... I'm good.

420. Dude, stop. Okay?

421. You're welcome.

422. It's gonna be 164 miles from here to Chapel Hill.

423. Okay, that's like two and a half hours.

424. It's probably more like three because we're gonna have to take the back roads.

425. That's nothing. It's like a day trip.

426. It's Grand Theft Auto.

427. You're thinking about the wrong shit.

428. What's the worst that can happen?

429. Uh, we get arrested? Expelled?

430. Teddy San Chen becomes valedictorian...

431. and I lose my climatology fellowship at MIT?

432. Aparna, what's the point of making the world a

433. better place if you're not gonna have any fun in it?

434. Huh?

435. Huh?

436. Right?

437. Come on.

438. Put it there.

439. Thank you guys.

440. I'm counting this as my senior skip day.

441. Um, actually, we're gonna have to probably do something about all of... this.

442. Hey, dude.

443. You don't have any drugs on you, do you?

444. What do you want?

445. No, dude, seriously. We can't have drugs in the car, man.

446. Word.

447. Do you have drugs on you?

448. Dude, you think I'd be dumb enough to bring drugs to driver's ed?

449. Hey Jer, how fast are you going?

450. 55 on the dot.

451. Nah, 55 is sus, okay? You need to be going at least 5 miles over.

452. Yeah, yeah, too perfect looks sus, dude.

453. That's why you're sus.

454. Yeah, it's kind of like uh, going into too much detail when you're lying.

455. Yeah, when I'm lying I say yes, no, or I got diarrhea.

456. You know, "I have my period" works on gym teachers.

457. Yeah.

458. Yeah, but diarrhea works for everybody.

459. Cop! Cop! Cop! Cop! Cop! Cop!

460. It's all good.

461. Oh my god. She's gone.

462. Am I the only one who almost shit their pants?

463. Uh-huh.

464. Okay.

465. Yeah, well keep me posted.

466. Hey, appreciate you. Stay frosty.

467. False alarm on a Kia Soul.

468. Young male driver, no passengers.

469. So she didn't pull him over?

470. Negative. No driver's ed signage.

471. God dammit!

472. There is something we could do.

473. Not sure it's completely legal, but...

474. Let's do it! What is it?

475. No, you know what? Never mind, never mind. Forget I said it.

476. What? Why'd you bring it up? - What is it? What is it?

477. Why'd you bring it up? - Tell us!

478. Do you have their phone numbers?

479. Well, of course we do. It's a safety

480. measure. You're the one in charge of safety.

481. I have a spyware program I got off the dark web.

482. We can use their phones to pinpoint their location.

483. Has Samantha ever mentioned a Noah?

484. He's like... lowkey all over her Instagram.

485. Um, I don't think so. Why?

486. He's liked every post since September 9th.

487. Yeah.

488. Is she in any of his pics or anything?

489. No. No. She's not.

490. Right.

491. Yeah, because look, you know, we really trust each other.

492. Like we always have each other on Find My Friends, you know?

493. Except last night I like, I couldn't see where she was,

494. but I think it's just because, you know, her phone was dead...

495. or whatever. There's a million things that could...

496. That sounds like a red flag.

497. Also, I mean, she could be using decoy drops.

498. Decoy drops? What?

499. Yeah.

500. Before my friend broke up with Amanda Pastanko...

501. and everyone else, we would do this thing...

502. we would drop our phones off in Joyce Burke's mailbox...

503. and then we would tell our parents we were sleeping there...

504. and then just go wherever the party was.

505. Gangster.

506. Okay, so we're here. That's them.

507. Huh. What about that other dot?

508. Uh, nothing. It's a woman from Tinder.

509. Hey, while we're here, could you track my ex-fiancee on that thing?

510. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

511. Yeah?

512. Okay, Walsh, I need you to focus.

513. I need you to get out on that road and go find them. Like, now.

514. Well, I took the bus here.

515. What?

516. Car wouldn't start. It's a piece of shit.

517. All right, well then take his car. This is all his fault anyway.

518. I rode my skateboard here.

519. What are you, 15?

520. I can't move my arms. Plus my car's in the shop.

521. Oh my god. All right, fine. You can take my car.

522. It's a red Porsche. It's in the teacher's parking lot.

523. A Porsche?

524. Porsch-e.

525. Sick. I'm on it.

526. Okay, buddy. Lucky you.

527. Woo! You have a Porsch-e?

528. Uh-huh.

529. How much do you make?

530. That's none of your business.

531. It's a lease, okay? I get a bump when my tenure comes through.

532. Are you guys hiring?

533. No.

534. Wait. Wait, if you and Sam follow each other's locations...

535. did you make sure to turn yours off?

536. You didn't, did you?

537. Oh my god, where is your phone?

538. It's right here. It's right here.

539. Oh my god. Our phones. They can... they can track us by our phones.

540. You think they thought of that?

541. Of course they thought of it! They're the police!

542. The question is, how did we not think of it?

543. Uh, I thought about it a while ago, but I forgot to say anything.

544. What?

545. Well, okay, game over.

546. I mean, they probably know exactly where we are right now.

547. Goddammit!

548. Fuck!

549. Wow, I didn't realize you actually cared about not getting in trouble.

550. Oh, no, I don't. No, it just feels good to yell.

551. Wait. Wait, I know.

552. Guys, we should decoy drop our phones.

553. Right?

554. Yeah.

555. Oh yeah. You know, we could hide them in the tank of a toilet.

556. Like uh, Michael Corleone in The Godfather

557. I haven't seen that.

558. Yeah, me neither.

559. What?

560. This doesn't make any sense.

561. Okay, so, their phones stopped over there, right?

562. But that's the middle of nowhere.

563. They're all at the Linville River. Hmm.

564. Are you guys ready to do this?

565. Thanks.

566. Need your phone.

567. Wait, whatever, whatever. Just please be super careful.

568. I am. - Seriously.

569. Okay, I'm just gonna... - Go slow.

570. I'm just gonna aim it right here. It will land

571. and then on our way back we'll come get it.

572. Okay, just... - Ready?

573. Fuck!

574. Shit. - No!

575. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! - Shit.

576. Shit. What does that mean?

577. Maybe they tossed their phones in the drink?

578. So you're telling me that four teenagers voluntarily destroyed their phones?

579. You cannot be serious right now.

580. This was such a stupid idea. We could have like put it in a bush!

581. She was talking about decoy drops!

582. And then he was saying the toilet tank stuff, you know?

583. So I was thinking about water and shit.

584. Oh my gosh. God, I can't believe this is happening.

585. Alright, I'm sorry. Let's just keep going, okay?

586. No, you don't understand.

587. I have never not had my phone.

588. Never! Ever!

589. I feel naked!

590. It's fine.

591. That's on you.

592. Anyway, you could put your clothes back on so we can get back on the road?

593. Okay. Let's just. Let's just go. - Even looking at you. I don't know.

594. That's it. I'm driving.

595. Naked?

596. All right, I get it, okay? I'm the bad guy on this one. I'm sorry.

597. What, everybody's perfect? Is that it? Nobody's fucked up accidentally?

598. I should have never come on this ridiculous excursion.

599. Well, you didn't have to, okay? No one did.

600. It's a suicide mission.

601. Yeah, probably.

602. Can you guys give the kid a break, okay? Takes a lot of sack to be this vulnerable.

603. Thank you.

604. Okay, so, what, Jeremy? You imagine you and Samantha

605. being like one of those creepy evangelical couples that get married when they're 22?

606. No, Evie, not the way you're describing it.

607. What's your body count, dude?

608. Ew, what? - Gross.

609. Mine's zero. Does that make everyone feel more comfortable?

610. Not really.

611. Look, I do worry about you going into a marriage where both parties

612. have such a limited range of sexual experiences.

613. Come on, have some fucking faith, all right? My parents

614. got married right after college. They're still together.

615. Are they even happy?

616. I don't think mine are either.

617. Yeah, well, my dad cheated on my mom with their couples therapist.

618. Is that allowed?

619. I'm sorry. That really sucks.

620. Love doesn't last. It's just like any other feeling.

621. Nihil aeternum est.

622. I don't know what that means.

623. It's Latin.

624. It means nothing lasts forever.

625. Aparna!

626. Dude!

627. Oh my god. Oh my god. I don't know what just happened.

628. Uh, you just crashed the car.

629. Well, no, I don't know. I mean, it's technically

630. not a crash if you didn't hit anything, right?

631. I never space out like that. I have high-performing hyper-focus ADD.

632. What do they got you on?

633. Strattera?

634. Oh, you should think about adding Ritalin to the mix. Yeah, I can hook you up.

635. I got Wellbutrin.

636. Yeah, I'm on Wellbutrin.

637. For anxiety or depression?

638. I don't know. I think maybe both?

639. Wait, so Evie, are you depressed?

640. Literally everyone is depressed.

641. Maybe I'm the worst driver.

642. Uh, fuck yes, you are. Time for a switch.

643. Go for Walsh.

644. Okay, we lost them. But I'm gonna ping you on their last coordinates.

645. It looks like a river or a bridge, I don't know.

646. You think they jumped?

647. No. I don't know. Just get there. Get your ass there now.

648. Copy that.

649. Holy shit. You guys see that?

650. What?

651. 63 miles to Chapel Hill. That's like less than an hour.

652. Oh shit.

653. A lot less, the way you're driving.

654. Uh, I could use a bathroom break if anyone else needs to stop.

655. Shouldn't we tell Jeremy about the photo?

656. No, I don't think it would help.

657. But yeah, maybe it was just a drunken kiss.

658. No. No, Aparna, it's still cheating.

659. I mean, he would just say that he forgives her and it wouldn't be true,

660. but he would believe it for a while.

661. What about your mom? Don't you want her to forgive your dad?

662. Um, I mean, I guess if it would make her feel better.

663. You know, I like the way you do your eyes. It's subtle.

664. Thanks.

665. Yeah.

666. Will you do mine?

667. Okay. - Okay.

668. Here.

669. Look down.

670. A lot going on with this kid, huh? He contains multitudes.

671. Kind of reminds me of myself actually. He's idealistic, complex, sensitive.

672. A real romantic. He's probably going to see his girlfriend. And I get that.

673. That's it! You figured it out! He's going to her!

674. Hey Patty! Could you call down to our idiot guidance counselor

675. and find out where Samantha Pierce is going to college?

676. No, no, no, scratch that. I'm probably way off.

677. I mean, they've never even driven on the interstate.

678. They're probably just at Bojangles eating some Bo-Berry biscuits.

679. Should we order food?

680. Walsh.

681. They're headed to Chapel Hill.

682. For love.

683. Yeah, and you know what? This has gone on far enough.

684. So I am calling the local police and they will be waiting for them.

685. Negative. You gotta give me this one.

686. News flash, we're all gonna be in trouble here. Do you understand?

687. You call the cops, you lose control of the narrative.

688. So what's in it for you?

689. It's a long shot, but might get me back on the force.

690. Oh. He is not getting back on the force. Give me a break.

691. I can't believe I'm asking you, but what do you think? Tell me the truth.

692. I think we're asking the wrong question.

693. I think the right question is, what are we doing to these kids?

694. I mean, so much of school is no. Don't do that. Learn math. Think about your future.

695. But don't dream too big. Don't become a writer.

696. You're bad at it. You'll be poor. It's not gonna work out.

697. Are we the adults in the room? Yeah.

698. But should we forget what it was like to be young and reckless?

699. I don't think we should. I think this is our chance to say yes.

700. I say we call off the heat. Let the kid shoot his shot.

701. All right, fine. Okay, call your girl. Make sure she knows

702. this operation is off the books and bring 'em home.

703. Roger that. You will not regret this.

704. Yeah, I don't know how we got on this road.

705. I don't even think this road's on this map.

706. Actually, I think we're here.

707. No, that's a river.

708. Well, it looks like a road.

709. Then why is it blue?

710. Guys, we don't have time to get lost right now, okay? We gotta figure it out.

711. Have you ever tried to look at a map that's not on a screen?

712. Yeah, man, we're not cartographers.

713. You know, I think that, um, we might almost be out

714. of gas. I think that's what that light means, right?

715. How long has it been on?

716. A while.

717. Fucking why the shit didn't you say something?

718. Cause fucking I didn't want to panic!

719. Evie, we passed a gas station like two miles back!

720. Okay, well I didn't see it! I don't know!

721. How would you not see it? I don't understand.

722. Cause I was keeping my eyes on the road!

723. Oh my god! Watch out animal!

724. Oh shit.

725. You knocked the fucking cat's leg off.

726. Okay, I didn't even hit him. He looked okay.

727. Except his fucking leg is gone!

728. Maybe it was just a three-legged cat, I don't know.

729. There he is. He's in the tree.

730. We need to call animal control or the fire department.

731. Fuck no. They put 'em in a cell, okay?

732. I got this.

733. Oh, I can't watch. Please.

734. Yoshi! - Dude, dude. Don't fall.

735. Yeah, I'm fine, okay?

736. I feel like there has to be a better way to do this.

737. Be careful, okay?

738. Yeah, I'm good. I'm just gonna shimmy out.

739. Hey. Little guy. You're okay. Hey, I'm coming to get you.

740. What are you doing?

741. Filming you, dude. It's a fucking awesome shot.

742. Uh, how do I look? I look good?

743. Yeah, dude. Looking good.

744. Oh my god.

745. Are you okay?

746. I don't know.

747. Hey!

748. Oh, you did it!

749. I saved you!

750. Man. - Hey.

751. You have no idea how good of a shot that was.

752. Yeah. - Sick.

753. Cool.

754. Hey, you alright? I'm gonna love you right up.

755. Hey, can we all agree that he's mine? I really need this.

756. What are you gonna name him?

757. Tripod.

758. Yeah, cause of the three legs?

759. Yeah, no, everyone gets it.

760. All right, Evie. Looks like we're going for a walk.

761. That's awesome.

762. Hey, we're only going to the gas station, man!

763. Hey, seriously, I am, I'm sorry about that whole gas gauge thing.

764. Everything's going wrong.

765. Yeah, well, you don't really have to go through with this.

766. Are you just saying that or is that what you think?

767. I mean, just tell me what the fuck you think

768. because I'm sick of like... - Strategically or personally?

769. What? Both.

770. Well, strategically, I really think you should go home.

771. Like don't call her, don't text her, don't Snapchat her, like just go silent.

772. Cause she broke up with you. You know that, right?

773. Well, that's... that's unclear.

774. Okay, well what if you don't get in next year?

775. If I don't get in? I have a 3.8 GPA.

776. Okay, I won best short film in the state media fair last year.

777. And one of the Safdie brothers watched it, you know?

778. Or at least I think he did.

779. What's your big plan, cool guy? Huh?

780. Um, applying to the School of Visual Arts.

781. Oh, in New York?

782. Yeah.

783. And I'm also applying to a bunch of safeties that suck.

784. Safeties that suck? No, no, no, you have to go to New York.

785. Are you kidding me?

786. You could go to fucking Soho to see where they shot After Hours and Basquiat.

787. And Times Square, even though it's super fucking touristy,

788. they have all the places where they shot Taxi Driver.

789. And Wall Street for The Wolf of Wall Street.

790. And the Royal Tenenbaums house, you know? You

791. know what I'm talking about? The big old house.

792. The big old house. - You've been to all of those places?

793. No, I've never been to New York, but...

794. I don't know, I mean I could fucking, I could visit you. I could.

795. Okay.

796. And I mean I would actually. I would visit you because...

797. Martin Scorsese teaches at NYU. And I could go to his office hours.

798. Martin Scorsese teaches at NYU?

799. Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe he's not there

800. every semester, but he's for sure around,

801. like, in New York. - Jeremy, you apply there, right?

802. You want to be a filmmaker, you don't think maybe like you should apply to some schools

803. that have film schools? - Look, you don't have to go to film school

804. to be a filmmaker anyway.

805. You are so fucking frustrating!

806. It's complicated! There's a car. There's a car.

807. Stop! No!

808. Please!

809. Yes!

810. Thank you! Thank you!

811. Y'all alright?

812. Hey, should I be worried that my new cat's sleeping all day?

813. Dude, it's a cat. That's what they do.

814. Yeah, I just hope it doesn't have mono or something.

815. What? He doesn't have mono.

816. You know, that's a really cool necklace. It looks pretty in the light.

817. Yeah, thanks.

818. Is that drugs?

819. Yeah.

820. What the fuck? You said you didn't have anything. You fucking lied!

821. It was a lie of omission.

822. Not when you say it!

823. Can you just be cool? Okay, you used to be so fucking cool.

824. You used to be so fucking smart.

825. Oh, look at you.

826. Sorry about the temperature. We gotta keep it cool for the furs.

827. But you stay bundled up like that, you gonna be nice and toasty.

828. Hey, honeys. - Look at that.

829. Don't he look like a young Joe Namath in that beaver?

830. Yes, he does.

831. And trust me, Joe knew beaver.

832. Mmhmm. The chinchilla looks fab.

833. Hey! - Sure does.

834. We also have a matching bra and panty set.

835. And it's a live stick of dynamite in the bedroom, trust me.

836. She ain't lying about that.

837. No I ain't.

838. I promise you.

839. Well, we're letting the cool air out, so we're gonna boogie.

840. Let's go.

841. Alright.

842. Give her a tug, sweetie.

843. Attagirl.

844. Well, this is how we die. I'm sorry.

845. What?

846. Well, it's weird, like we've known each other

847. basically our whole lives. I mean, at least tangentially.

848. Yeah.

849. Yeah.

850. You know, I remember when we were in sixth grade, you did a presentation on Norway.

851. And you showed all these pictures of seals. And brought in like a stuffed fur seal.

852. And the whole thing was just about seals. It had nothing to do with Norway.

853. You know, I remember you puked on your desk and then

854. you made all the kids around you puke too. You remember that one?

855. Yeah, I do.

856. Yeah, thanks for reminding me. That was one of the worst days of my life.

857. I remember you gave me a Valentine on Valentine's Day.

858. Yeah, I gave one to literally everybody. My mom made me.

859. You thought that was just for you?

860. Oh my...

861. I don't know, you know...

862. You thought that I had a crush on you when we were eleven?

863. I was just confused because you basically never talked to me and then suddenly...

864. Okay, well you never talked to me either.

865. Well, that's because you were way more popular. There's a pecking order.

866. Okay, well, you had a glow up, so...

867. Well, so did you. Not that you needed one, you know.

868. Oh shit!

869. Are you okay?

870. Yeah.

871. Y'all okay? This road's a little twisty.

872. Yeah. Yeah, man. We're all good.

873. Hot damn, the furs are working!

874. Okay.

875. Um, do you mind if I ask you a question that might sound a little bit mean?

876. Yeah, sure. That sounds awesome, man.

877. Don't you think that maybe you're just

878. a little too young to be so serious about Samantha?

879. No.

880. But obviously you do.

881. I don't know, I just think there's like a

882. difference between love love and teenage love.

883. It's like a coming of age thing.

884. It happens to everybody.

885. So if it's happened to you, how can you just write it off?

886. Well, I was like fifteen.

887. You know, he did cheat on me, also, so...

888. I'm sorry.

889. It's okay. People let each other down all the time, so.

890. Aren't you just saying that because your dad is

891. cheating on your mom with the couples therapist?

892. Everyone lets each other down.

893. Evie, uh...

894. That seems like an exhausting way to live.

895. You know what I want?

896. Just once, I just want someone to surprise me.

897. What I tell you? Fur is one hell of an aphrodisiac.

898. Nature's Viagra.

899. Yep.

900. Come on down, sweetheart.

901. Come on.

902. Careful! - Grab my hand.

903. Come on, I'll help you out.

904. There you go! - Thanks.

905. Be careful.

906. There you go.

907. Well, thanks so much for everything.

908. Whoa, whoa.

909. Son.

910. This coat was made for you.

911. I will say, it is pretty sick, man.

912. How much is it actually?

913. Twelve hundred. But I could do eleven for you.

914. You know, I got like maybe ninety bucks in my Venmo.

915. Well, we do have faux fur. Every bit as good as the real deal.

916. That song 'Perfect' by Ed Sheeran was playing and

917. you were hanging with some assholes from

918. orchestra or whatever and I'd asked you to dance.

919. Yeah, you laughed at me.

920. I have no memory of that.

921. It's whatever.

922. So I went into the bathroom to hide until the song was over and...

923. Wes Bird and fucking Jamie Weeda looked over the stall divider thing

924. and saw me and went outside and told everyone I was basically taking a shit.

925. I wasn't taking a shit.

926. It doesn't matter if you were.

927. On God, I wasn't taking a shit.

928. Okay, okay. Fine.

929. I was crying.

930. I'm really sorry.

931. It's okay, yeah.

932. Who gives a crap about a seventh grade dance anyway, you know?

933. I literally almost never think about it.

934. Wait, is that why you quit the science club?

935. Wow.

936. No, Aparna, I didn't quit science club 'cause you wouldn't dance with me.

937. Well, I mean, you quit everything.

938. Yeah, I'm a pretty good quitter.

939. Orchestra.

940. Competitive Minecraft.

941. Yeah.

942. Coding club.

943. I mean, it's like you just fucking disappeared.

944. Yeah, well, my mom died.

945. What?

946. Oh my god. I remember your mom.

947. Yeah, well, she's dead.

948. I didn't know that.

949. Why didn't I know that?

950. Most eighth graders don't really read obituaries.

951. I remember she used to make those ginger cookies.

952. You know, for the snacks after the math meets. They were really good.

953. Yeah, they were.

954. This is hers.

955. It's a medical ID.

956. That's why it's giving feminine.

957. I'm really sorry about your mom.

958. It's fine. I'm not hung up on it.

959. I'm still smart, by the way.

960. I just don't really give a fuck about anything.

961. Okay.

962. You know what, I think I actually might like this coat better than the last one.

963. Really?

964. Yeah.

965. You're not messing with me?

966. No, man. I think you look good.

967. And you'd never know it was fake.

968. I feel like I definitely want people to think it's fake.

969. Yeah, that's actually a good point. That's true.

970. It's fur!

971. Oh boy. - I'm just happy we're

972. fucking not dead. - Hey.

973. Gas cans are never a good sign.

974. Do you guys need a ride?

975. Yeah. - Yes.

976. Yes, we do. - Yes, actually.

977. Get in.

978. You will not believe the last car we were in.

979. He's a therapy dog.

980. No way. Lo, that is sick.

981. Yeah, I know.

982. I mean, just look at him.

983. Hi buddy.

984. Your boyfriend is cute.

985. Oh, no, no. He's not my boyfriend.

986. Bye!

987. Hey, bye!

988. Goddamn, that girl is hot as fuck.

989. Seriously? You guys good?

990. You're awesome.

991. Get wherever you're going safely, alright? - Stay, baby!

992. Thanks, man. - Bye!

993. I got two questions. Where did you get this coat and who's that girl?

994. I like your cat.

995. Thanks, dude.

996. I like your dog.

997. This is Gus.

998. Just did a visit at the children's hospital.

999. Nice.

1000. Thanks.

1001. I know it looks like he could eat a child, but he's a gentle giant.

1002. Wait, are you in med school?

1003. Next year.

1004. Oh.

1005. Next year. - Nice.

1006. Yeah. Save some lives and shit, you know.

1007. Yeah, yeah.

1008. Totally. I want to save the world.

1009. Good.

1010. Good. Somebody has to.

1011. What's up, what's up?

1012. Hey. - Hey!

1013. Nice ride.

1014. Thanks.

1015. It's a hybrid, but I'm sure my carbon

1016. footprint is still in asshole territory, so.

1017. Um, yeah, what's the EPA MPGe rating on this?

1018. Seventy-three.

1019. Oh.

1020. You know your shit.

1021. Yeah. I'm Lo.

1022. Yeah, um, I'm Aparna.

1023. Nice to meet you.

1024. Nice to meet you.

1025. Um, that was Tripod in there.

1026. Oh yeah, that's my cat.

1027. He's cute.

1028. Thanks. Yeah, he's mine.

1029. I'm Yoshi, by the way.

1030. Nice to meet you! - Nice to meet you.

1031. How you doing?

1032. Anyways, I gotta go.

1033. Yeah.

1034. See you later.

1035. Ciao. - Ciao!

1036. Ciao.

1037. Peace.

1038. Why are you cockblocking me?

1039. I know this is a big ask.

1040. That is not lost on me.

1041. I appreciate you.

1042. Hello?

1043. Hey Principal Fisher, I got a bit of a development here.

1044. Yeah?

1045. I got into a tiny fender bender.

1046. What?

1047. Oh my god. How bad?

1048. Mmm, hard to say.

1049. Definitely some dings, some cosmetic stuff.

1050. Ugh, this is so annoying.

1051. But the good news is, it was a single car accident.

1052. So that's great.

1053. Yeah, yeah. My car. My car's the car.

1054. Yeah, yes. Yeah, that's true. You got, you nailed that one.

1055. Um, but don't worry though, my ex-partner's hauling ass in their direction.

1056. Okay, I gotta hang up now.

1057. Okay, but the glass is half full here.

1058. What's the latest?

1059. You.

1060. Walk out.

1061. Now. Go.

1062. And don't say a fucking word.

1063. Wash your hands when you get home.

1064. Are you finished?

1065. Almost.

1066. Come on.

1067. Okay, I'm done.

1068. What?

1069. What?

1070. Oh, I thought you said something.

1071. No.

1072. There are surfers trying to find hundred foot

1073. waves to surf, but they can never find them.

1074. But they keep looking and like, do they know on some level

1075. that this giant monster wave is probably how they die?

1076. Like they're looking for the wave that kills them.

1077. Fuck.

1078. That's some like Moby Dick shit there, you know.

1079. Um, dude, are you alright?

1080. Yeah. Yeah, no. I'm just on mushrooms.

1081. Oh my god, dude! You said you didn't have any drugs in the car.

1082. He also has marijuana.

1083. Oh my god, this fucking narc, you know? She

1084. used to be so cool. We don't know what happened.

1085. Okay, how long do shrooms last?

1086. I don't know, man. I timed them wrong.

1087. Obviously they were supposed to hit when we got to campus, so.

1088. Hey, at least I'm not driving.

1089. Dude! You are driving!

1090. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

1091. No, seriously man, you are driving the car.

1092. Are you messing with me?

1093. No! Are you messing with me?

1094. Yeah, dude.

1095. Okay, but you don't have any more drugs in the car?

1096. No, man. I did them all.

1097. Pull the fuck over, Yoshi!

1098. Yeah, okay. Good idea.

1099. Take the next right.

1100. Hey, how many times have I been like, 'Dude, are there drugs in this car?'

1101. Probably many. I don't know what you want me to say, okay? It's for work.

1102. Work?

1103. Wait, look. Chapel Hill, 27 miles.

1104. Oh shit!

1105. Yes! Finally!

1106. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1107. Oh my god, you're joking. - Oh...

1108. Fuck.

1109. Wait. We didn't learn this.

1110. Where do I go? - Stay cool.

1111. Where do I go?

1112. What do I do? I don't know!

1113. Just fucking pull over to the side of the road!

1114. You gotta pull over.

1115. Dude, stop moving the vehicle.

1116. Okay. I'm pulling over.

1117. I just farted.

1118. What?

1119. Seriously? - I fart when I'm nervous, okay?

1120. Why though?

1121. Oh my god.

1122. This could be alright, she looks nice.

1123. Hey.

1124. You know how fast you were going?

1125. I was probably going a little over, I'm sorry.

1126. Eighty-four.

1127. You in a hurry?

1128. Oh, we um, we have an injured cat back here.

1129. Yeah, we're just trying to get him to a vet.

1130. Yeah, he lost his leg.

1131. Yeah, but goddammit, he's a fighter.

1132. How about we cut that shit?

1133. Give me your IDs.

1134. All of you.

1135. ID?

1136. Um, okay. Just one second.

1137. What kind of ID?

1138. What's considered... - Don't ask.

1139. Come on.

1140. Just give it to her.

1141. Here's ID, yeah.

1142. Sit tight.

1143. Thank you for your service.

1144. We only say that to military people. She's not...

1145. Fucked, guys.

1146. I got 'em.

1147. Those little fuckers must be freaking out.

1148. Hell yeah.

1149. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to shit all over yourself.

1150. I miss it. This is the good stuff.

1151. I'm just pretending to run the info.

1152. Which is a high school ID.

1153. A bus pass.

1154. A Planet Fitness membership card.

1155. And a Panda Express punch card.

1156. We're fucked.

1157. It's over.

1158. Go.

1159. What?

1160. Dude... - We gotta go.

1161. No! - Okay, I still have drugs in the car.

1162. What? - What?

1163. Yes! I know! I'm sorry!

1164. What the fuck are you talking about? - Okay?

1165. I asked you like a thousand times

1166. Are you fucking kidding me, Yoshi?

1167. Oh my god! - It's my job, okay? I, seriously...

1168. No, no! Don't go.

1169. Okay, Evie? I think we gotta go.

1170. No.

1171. We gotta go. Come on, we gotta

1172. Ah, you little bitch-ass mother...

1173. Fuck!

1174. You tiny bitch.

1175. Oh my god. - What happened?

1176. Are you kidding me?

1177. Go, go, go! Keep going.

1178. Okay, I really, I don't like this at all.

1179. Oh, it's on now!

1180. Shit, I forgot my Panda Express card. I was one punch away from some free rangoons

1181. Can we go back?

1182. No! - No, go, go, go! Keep going.

1183. Okay, okay, okay, what do I do here? There's an RV.

1184. You gotta go around this guy.

1185. No, I know, I know, I know.

1186. Yes, shit, you gotta go around this guy. Shit!

1187. Watch out, watch out!

1188. Holy shit.

1189. Oh my god, oh my god. That was not okay. That was not okay.

1190. That was awesome.

1191. Alright, everyone hold on.

1192. Oh fuck!

1193. Pass! Pass! Pass!

1194. No, no, no, don't go. There's too many cars. There's too many cars.

1195. Look, at this point really it's just about not being afraid to die.

1196. I'm afraid to die!

1197. Me too!

1198. This is crazy! We're still being chased. Let's go!

1199. I didn't think we make it.

1200. Like, I've made peace with it. Fuck!

1201. Evie!

1202. Okay, everyone hold on!

1203. Thank God.

1204. Oh my god

1205. Fuck, Evie! They should straight up just give you your license for that.

1206. Wow.

1207. I will shoot your dick and balls!

1208. What the fuck?

1209. Fuck you, Paul!

1210. No, fuck you, Terry! You think you can rob me?

1211. I am collecting a debt, motherfucker!

1212. Wait, what's going on?

1213. You think marijuana just grows on trees?

1214. It does grow on trees!

1215. Wait, they have fucking guns. They have fucking guns.

1216. Oh my god. Oh my god, I've never seen a fucking gun before.

1217. I will shoot you, Terry!

1218. Not if I shoot you first!

1219. Oh god! What the fuck is, what is

1220. He's coming in the car!

1221. Okay! Okay, okay, okay!

1222. Drive!

1223. What? No! - Drive the car!

1224. Wait, you walked to a robbery?

1225. You trying to get shot in the asshole, son? Cause

1226. today is the day that I'm shooting assholes off.

1227. Now drive the fucking car!

1228. Okay! Okay! Okay!

1229. Fuck?

1230. God, fuck, we're going to jail. We're going to go to fucking jail.

1231. Y'all ain't going to jail. It's me who's going to jail!

1232. Who the fuck are you?

1233. I'm Terry.

1234. Freeze! Everybody step out of the vehicle.

1235. Put your hands in the air. Come on.

1236. Hands in the air! Now move to the front of the car.

1237. Put your hands on the hood.

1238. Fuck that.

1239. Hey! Big boy! Hey! Hey! Hey, come back!

1240. No!

1241. Fuck. Goddammit!

1242. Come on.

1243. Okay, I know this looks bad.

1244. Hell yeah. You stole a driver's education car and you fled from the state police.

1245. Yeah, and I get that. This is a driver's ed car that we borrowed without permission.

1246. But we're trying to drive to Chapel Hill so that

1247. he can save his relationship with his girlfriend.

1248. Dumbass.

1249. Look, when you pulled us over, we panicked, okay?

1250. But that guy, he just robbed this hot dog shack.

1251. What?

1252. He is running down the road and he is armed and

1253. dangerous and he says he's shooting assholes off.

1254. Whatever that means.

1255. This is the luckiest day of your goddamn life.

1256. What do you mean pursuit?

1257. Just what I said. She's pursuing an armed felon.

1258. Yes.

1259. No!

1260. Oh come on. There's gotta be some part of you

1261. that's rooting for these kids, right? Little bit?

1262. No. Not even a little. Absolutely not.

1263. We made it guys. I mean, we're here.

1264. Dude, I know. I feel like giddy.

1265. I know, me too. - I know!

1266. God damn, we're not in Kansas anymore.

1267. We are in the Emerald City.

1268. Look at these douchebags.

1269. What are they doing?

1270. Why would Sam hang around guys like this?

1271. Thanks, Aparna.

1272. Nah man, she dated you, you know. She must be into

1273. like skinny, physically non-threatening dudes.

1274. Beta males.

1275. No, no, no. This dude is not a beta, okay?

1276. Look what we did today. He's a fucking omega.

1277. Doesn't give a fuck.

1278. Hey, Dakota. Hey, yeah, I have a John McClean here to see Samantha Pierce?

1279. Uh-huh. Okay.

1280. Sorry, she's not here.

1281. Oh, um, well could you ask where she is by any chance?

1282. No. Um, creepy.

1283. Oh no, I'm not, I'm not creepy. I swear, I'm not.

1284. That's not me.

1285. Bro, you're being weird.

1286. No, I'm not being weird actually. I promise I'm not.

1287. This is not weird. I'm... It's not what it looks like.

1288. Can you please connect me to security?

1289. Okay. Sorry. Thanks. Yeah.

1290. Fuck.

1291. Hey.

1292. You know, I was actually just rethinking this.

1293. I think maybe one of you guys should go up

1294. and like talk to her roommate, you know, get some intel.

1295. Just cause I think it's like, you know, I want to surprise

1296. her. Like I think that would be way more romantic.

1297. What do you think?

1298. Okay. Alright.

1299. Thank you. Thanks.

1300. Do you guys think I'm weird?

1301. Hey. Sorry, I'm looking for Sam?

1302. Is this a bad time? - Bitch, please. You want some Bareass?

1303. Sorry, Bareass? - Chardonnay. Come on.

1304. Okay

1305. So, I'm pretty sure Sam's at Sociology. Or

1306. maybe Zoology. I don't know, one of the ologies.

1307. Here. Sit. Please.

1308. Okay.

1309. Wait, don't you have her number?

1310. Oh, um, my phone died.

1311. You want to just call her on mine?

1312. I don't want to bother her if she's in class.

1313. You coming out with us tonight?

1314. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just, I mean I have to meet some

1315. friends first, but um... Remind me, what's the plan again?

1316. Kappa's throwing. Super hot guys, and not all of them

1317. are assholes. Just don't leave your drink unattended.

1318. You're an architect.

1319. I am? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm very intuitive.

1320. But you want to be an adventurer. Something's holding you back.

1321. What is it?

1322. I think it's you.

1323. Well, what's gonna happen to me?

1324. I don't know. Can you do my back?

1325. Sure, okay.

1326. Whoo! Okay.

1327. Oh, yes please.

1328. Some for you.

1329. Muchas gracias.

1330. You can't volley at the net.

1331. What?

1332. In pickleball, you can't volley within seven

1333. feet of the net. It's called the kitchen.

1334. Right. - Right.

1335. So how did you really break your arms?

1336. Okay, I'm not gonna bullshit you anymore. I crashed

1337. my car into the back of a fucking ice cream truck.

1338. And I wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

1339. The airbag just like obliterated me. I mean,

1340. there's no way that's how it's meant to work.

1341. It was like way too much force.

1342. I can't let you teach Driver's Ed anymore.

1343. Yeah, I get that.

1344. Can I be honest with you?

1345. Yeah.

1346. I think my novel's a piece of shit.

1347. And I really hate the main character, which is

1348. messed up cause it's like semi-autobiographical.

1349. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I think the problem is that um...

1350. Uh, I'm not good at anything.

1351. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're actually really good with kids.

1352. Really? You think so?

1353. Yes. I mean you like them a fuck of a lot more than I do.

1354. Do you know what I mean?

1355. I do. Why do you have this job? Did you lose a bet?

1356. Oh my god!

1357. It's like sex permeates the air here, you know?

1358. You can feel it

1359. By the way, I know it's weird timing, but thank you guys for, you know, coming along.

1360. I don't think I uh... could have done this without you guys.

1361. Alright well, you have not done it yet, so don't get too excited here.

1362. Well, whatever. Up until this point, I guess.

1363. That's fair. - Take the compliment.

1364. Hey, you think I could talk to you for a second?

1365. Yeah, sure.

1366. You know I was kidding today, right?

1367. Uh, when?

1368. Today.

1369. Yoshi. Your mom died. You're in a lot of pain and it's okay.

1370. I'm basically over it.

1371. It's okay, you don't have to be over it.

1372. I'm not.

1373. I know. But you also can't make that an excuse for not taking care of yourself.

1374. What if I feel like this for the rest of my life?

1375. No, I don't... I don't think you will.

1376. You can definitely let it go without losing her.

1377. You know that, right?

1378. Yeah.

1379. So, like... who do you know that's dead?

1380. Um, my grandmother.

1381. Fucking old people, right?

1382. Yeah.

1383. This is nightclub level shit.

1384. Yo, what's good player?

1385. Those two are good. Go on in. Go ahead.

1386. No, no, no, they're with us.

1387. Girls only.

1388. I got coke.

1389. Yeah, we all do. Fuck off.

1390. No, guys, these rules seem like arbitrary. -Yeah

1391. Okay. Alright, you guys just go in. We'll figure something out. Yeah yeah!

1392. Are you sure? - Yeah yeah yeah

1393. Totally.

1394. Come on. They'll live.

1395. Fuck that guy.

1396. Yeah, dude.

1397. Weird thing is I actually kind of liked him, you know?

1398. Okay, we need another plan. We gotta figure this out.

1399. Get the fuck in. That's the plan, okay? Let's Santa Claus this bitch.

1400. Let's free climb up the side and jump down through the chimney.

1401. Yeah.

1402. Um, alright, is there a plan B?

1403. Oh my god. - Everyone's wearing handcuffs.

1404. This party is fire. Did I just sound like a total dork?

1405. No, you're not a dork. You're fucking cool and you're gonna save the world.

1406. You're fucking cool.

1407. Do you wanna get a drink?

1408. Yeah, yeah, I actually do.

1409. Just stay close, okay?

1410. Shit.

1411. It's a basement.

1412. Oh shit.

1413. Fuck, it's locked.

1414. Think you could throw me through the door?

1415. No.

1416. Yeah, maybe I could break it down.

1417. Fuck!

1418. Fuck!

1419. Oh shit.

1420. Alright.

1421. Oh, I know!

1422. Yeah, for real.

1423. That is so funny though.

1424. Oh, shit!

1425. Whoa!

1426. Oh, tight lid game. - Guard your dog.

1427. What?

1428. Guard your dog!

1429. Shit!

1430. Dude. Are you okay man?

1431. No, he just punched me in the dick, dude! Why did he do that?

1432. I don't know, he told you to guard your dog,

1433. dude, and you didn't guard it. - I know! I know!

1434. What a dick.

1435. This is a sick party though, right?

1436. What is wrong with you, dude?

1437. Gotta dance.

1438. Woo!

1439. I think I like girls.

1440. I don't know what I am or anything, but...

1441. Yeah, I like girls.

1442. Hey, that's cool.

1443. You know, you're the only person I've ever said that to.

1444. Wait. If I'm the only person, does that mean...

1445. Does that mean you haven't like... you know...

1446. No, I don't even know how to start.

1447. I mean, everyone knows me already and...

1448. So I feel like I just need to wait until next year to completely reinvent myself.

1449. No, no Aparna

1450. Fuck waiting.

1451. Come on, Jeremy didn't wait. He just... he just got in the car and came here.

1452. Yeah, well, Jeremy's gonna get his heart broken.

1453. Yeah, I know.

1454. But you know, I don't really think that's the point.

1455. Hey hey!

1456. Thank you.

1457. So what's going on with you and Evie?

1458. What?

1459. What do you mean?

1460. "What do you mean?"

1461. There's nothing going on with me and Evie. I don't know what you're talking about.

1462. Why not?

1463. Like, she's fine. She's nice, she's creative, she's smart.

1464. Dude, I came here for Samantha.

1465. Maybe we don't know why we go anywhere. -

1466. What?

1467. Oh... shit

1468. What, what, what?

1469. Is it your dick?

1470. No, no, no, it's my butt, dude. No cap. Okay?

1471. Mudslides are running straight through me. I gotta go find a bathroom.

1472. Alright, good luck man.

1473. Guard your dog.

1474. Oh! Fuck!

1475. Oh Jesus!

1476. You warned me, man.

1477. Oh my god, you made it!

1478. Hey!

1479. Um, hey, wait, where's Aparna?

1480. Oh, she went to the bathroom.

1481. Oh shit, yeah, so did Yoshi.

1482. Hey, have you seen Samantha anywhere? Like...

1483. No. No, I don't even think she's here, honestly.

1484. Yo, take the bottle!

1485. Oh! Yeah!

1486. Oh, thanks man.

1487. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1488. Gimme your hand.

1489. No, no, no, we don't want this. We're all good.

1490. Champagne and shackles, bro. I have to do this.

1491. Enjoy.

1492. Hey!

1493. Hey! - It's you!

1494. Uh, Aparna.

1495. You're Lo, right?

1496. Yes ma'am.

1497. Wait, you go here?

1498. Mhm. You?

1499. No, uh, no, I'm in high school.

1500. But I'm 18 though, which is... that's a college age.

1501. I know, but... high school, right? For now.

1502. Um, which sucks, but it's... it's whatever, also.

1503. Where's... where's Gus?

1504. Oh, he's just hanging out.

1505. Oh my god, he's...

1506. He's so cool.

1507. He's the life of the party right there.

1508. Wait, I didn't know they let you have dogs.

1509. They don't. I had to pay a $500 fine and they kicked me out of the dorm.

1510. Oh.

1511. Yeah. It was against the rules.

1512. Well, I mean... rules are overrated.

1513. Today's actually the first day in my life that I haven't followed the rules.

1514. Do you think that's sad?

1515. No. No, I think it's exciting.

1516. It means anything can happen.

1517. You know?

1518. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

1519. I'll just go here.

1520. Ew, no! Go to a stall!

1521. There's a sink right here.

1522. Ew, you're so gross.

1523. I like your necklace.

1524. Really?

1525. You do?

1526. Yeah.

1527. Has a very powerful energy.

1528. It's very, very special.

1529. Yeah.

1530. It is.

1531. Take it.

1532. No. No, I can't take your necklace.

1533. It's not mine.

1534. Not really, anyway.

1535. I'm serious. I don't need it anymore.

1536. You're the fool.

1537. I know. I'm a fucking idiot.

1538. No. You're on an inspired journey of endless possibilities.

1539. I am?

1540. Mhm.

1541. Nice.

1542. One, two, three, four!

1543. Oh shit.

1544. Uh...

1545. It's you.

1546. Hey, little man.

1547. They... they didn't catch you?

1548. Fuck no they didn't catch me. I'm quick as shit. Too fast, too furious.

1549. What... what are you doing here?

1550. Making a delivery. These kids gotta get their drugs somewhere.

1551. Oh shit, dude, I'm a drug dealer too. - Oh, for real?

1552. Yeah, yeah.

1553. Don't fuck with my shit.

1554. Guard your dog.

1555. Oh, he got it. He got everything.

1556. You know, I think I'm tipsy.

1557. Yeah, I think you're drunk.

1558. I didn't think we'd have this much fun.

1559. Like, we should do this more often.

1560. Totally.

1561. Oh shit.

1562. What?

1563. She's here.

1564. Are you okay?

1565. She looks really happy.

1566. Right, okay, well.

1567. You look stupid.

1568. I'll follow you.

1569. Hey, Sam.

1570. Jeremy?

1571. How are you here?

1572. Well, I uh... I stole a driver's ed car so I could come see you.

1573. What?

1574. Yeah, sorry. I just felt like I couldn't wait till homecoming, you know,

1575. and you also said that you weren't gonna come

1576. home for homecoming, so I basically just... yeah.

1577. Sorry, who are you, dude?

1578. I'm her boyfriend. Who the fuck are you?

1579. Bro. Chill.

1580. This is Scooby.

1581. 'Sup.

1582. Scooby...

1583. I know you.

1584. Oh, yeah, we had Econ last year.

1585. You guys came together?

1586. I was in the car with him that he stole.

1587. Um... why didn't you call me?

1588. I wanted to surprise you.

1589. Damn, bro, that's a big swing.

1590. Yeah, and uh... and I also threw my phone off a bridge so I couldn't call you.

1591. Anyway, it's... it's a long fucking story, a lot happened, but I'm here.

1592. This is crazy, Jer.

1593. Um, can we just go somewhere? Just to talk, please? Figure this out.

1594. Yes. Yeah, come on.

1595. Oh my god, that means we're all going.

1596. Um, you stole a car?

1597. Yeah, yeah.

1598. Why are you saying it like it's normal?

1599. I miss you. Alright. Sam, I know I'm not supposed to say that, but...

1600. I miss you too.

1601. Who's Noah?

1602. He's my friend?

1603. Kind of odd that you never mentioned him before.

1604. Okay, well, I guess it never came up, Jer. I mean,

1605. every day there's like so much that happens here.

1606. I've told you that.

1607. Whatever.

1608. Wait. You think I'm cheating on you?

1609. I don't know. I don't know.

1610. I wouldn't do that.

1611. Guys, I hate to interrupt. Um, I do have a picture of you kissing him.

1612. Oh shit. - What?

1613. No, I don't have like the photo, but I mean, there is a photo.

1614. What photo? Why didn't you say anything to me?

1615. I don't know, I didn't think it would've mattered, but now I'm thinking like...

1616. Noah's gay.

1617. I have a gay cousin.

1618. Oh. Sorry, I just... I didn't catch that on his Instagram, so...

1619. Okay, whatever that means. Well, he's actually not

1620. out to his family. And he's very anxious about it too.

1621. Also, remind me how any of this has anything to do with you?

1622. Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

1623. Yeah.

1624. I'm not cheating on you.

1625. What about this guy?

1626. I just met him.

1627. We haven't hooked up yet, dude.

1628. Whoa whoa whoa whoa. We are not going to.

1629. Okay? Look, it's a themed party. Everyone has a date. You have a date.

1630. Next week is um... "anything but clothes". You should come through.

1631. You too.

1632. Sam, remember uh... how much we missed each other last year

1633. when you and your family went on the Viking River Cruise?

1634. I thought this year was just gonna be like that but longer. But it's not.

1635. I know.

1636. Facts. My high school girlfriend and I stayed

1637. together too cause we were in love and shit.

1638. But I was here and she was at Vanderbilt.

1639. And it was so hard, dude. Because you want to go out

1640. and meet people and make friends and get fucked up.

1641. You got this person that you love, that was your fucking world.

1642. All of a sudden she's just not there.

1643. And it's confusing, dog. And you miss her and you're

1644. wondering like, what is she doing right now? You know?

1645. But that is how it gets twisted.

1646. Thanksgiving is a bloodbath. Everyone breaks up at Thanksgiving.

1647. I'ma let you cook.

1648. Um, Sam, I'm... I'm gonna go to NYU.

1649. Okay.

1650. I mean, you know, who knows if I'll get in. I mean I'm gonna apply to NYU.

1651. Of course you'll get in. It's you.

1652. And... you should go.

1653. I just don't want to feel shitty all the time. And

1654. um... and I don't want you to feel shitty all the time.

1655. And and... so, I think we maybe need to...

1656. not be what we were anymore.

1657. I feel the same.

1658. I gotta break the seal. I'm sorry. She's gotta come with.

1659. Dude, just break the bottle.

1660. That's against the rules.

1661. Who the fuck cares about the rules, man?

1662. Literally everybody.

1663. Okay. Okay.

1664. I gotta go.

1665. Just one second

1666. So... is this it?

1667. Don't say that. Let's just... let's not say anything?

1668. So... what, we're supposed to just act like everything's normal and then

1669. follow each other on Instagram in 20 years or whatever this thing is?

1670. Well, in 20 years... we'll be almost 40.

1671. Ew.

1672. I love you.

1673. Wait, you should come to that party for real.

1674. It's next week. Anything but clothes.

1675. I'm okay. Thank you though.

1676. Okay.

1677. Bye Jer.

1678. Come on. Come on. I need to go.

1679. Okay.

1680. Later.

1681. Hey, it's okay if you need to cry.

1682. Well, I'm probably gonna cry later.

1683. Hey, why are you crying?

1684. I don't know.

1685. So, um, were you serious about like the whole NYU thing?

1686. Yeah.

1687. We could hang out in New York, you know. If I get in.

1688. I wasn't really expecting this.

1689. What?

1690. You surprised me.

1691. Hey Evie, do you want to go to prom with me?

1692. Prom is in May. That's like 8 months from now.

1693. Yeah, I know.

1694. Yeah. Yeah, I'll go with you.

1695. It's a date.

1696. What's up, players?

1697. Hey.

1698. Freeze!

1699. Joyride's over, loverboy.

1700. Dude. Kevin.

1701. What are you doing here?

1702. Looking for your dumbasses.

1703. Yes!

1704. How'd you find us?

1705. Oh, we knew you were going to visit your girlfriend, so we traced her phone.

1706. Yeah. Ex-girlfriend.

1707. Oh no. - Come on, man.

1708. Shut up. - I didn't do anything!

1709. Shut your ass up.

1710. You... you got him?

1711. You're goddamn right I did.

1712. You nearly shot me, man.

1713. I mostly blame the gun. But I am sorry.

1714. Thanks.

1715. Walsh. Come on, baby. Round them up. Let's go.

1716. Come on, Kev.

1717. Hey, can I talk to you? Come on.

1718. I don't want to arrest these kids.

1719. This is your way back on the force.

1720. Yeah, not like this. Yoshi's a good kid. He's just kind of a fuck up.

1721. I don't think I want back on the force. The school gig's pretty chill, you know?

1722. Alright. Alright.

1723. Here's our story. You and I apprehended this

1724. shithead together with a tip from the kids.

1725. Everybody goes home happy.

1726. That's just crazy enough to work, but what about me?

1727. I will shoot your asshole off.

1728. How the fuck are you on a first-name basis with Officer Walsh? What?

1729. I hook him up.

1730. With weed.

1731. Wait, I'm sorry. I thought you only sold to kids.

1732. Look, he's a kid at heart, alright? I hook

1733. him up for free and he keeps the heat off me.

1734. Right.

1735. Alright. How many of you have been drinking?

1736. Then you're staying here tonight, okay?

1737. Sleep in the grass, sleep in a car, wherever.

1738. I don't care. Just don't drive for at least eight hours. Got it?

1739. Thank you. Thanks. Yes. Yes, sir.

1740. Thank you. Let's roll.

1741. Really is your lucky day, Tiny Bitch.

1742. Yoshi, call me up.

1743. Oh my fucking god. Never have I been so happy

1744. that you're a fucking drug dealer, dude.

1745. It has its benefits, I told you.

1746. I mean, yeah! - That's insane.

1747. I don't know, he's a cool dude.

1748. Yeah, let's just... let's just get this off.

1749. Oh wow. Looks like we missed all the fun.

1750. Gus! Let's go!

1751. Go to the car.

1752. Hey, look who it is! - Hey!

1753. Hey!

1754. What's up?

1755. How are you?

1756. Good. How are you?

1757. I'm great.

1758. Um, so I'm gonna stay at Lo's place. And then we can meet at the car in the morning?

1759. Absolutely. Yes, ma'am. - Okay.

1760. Hi. Good morning.

1761. Good morning. - I got breakfast burritos.

1762. That's not all you got.

1763. Wow. You went there.

1764. You did too.

1765. Thanks.

1766. State police are reporting that these hero

1767. students were on a college visit. Is that true?

1768. Yes, that's correct. That is true. And I'm so

1769. proud of them, but I'm not surprised at all.

1770. Doing the right thing even when it's scary or difficult

1771. is something I've tried to instill in all of our students.

1772. I think what she's trying to say is that caution

1773. is overrated. May fortune favor the foolish.

1774. The bold. Fortune favors the bold.

1775. That too.

1776. you'd be like, "No fucking way!"

1777. Well, glad we're home.

1778. Alright bud.

1779. We're gonna be in some serious shit.

1780. Well, well, well. You crazy sons of bitches, huh?

1781. You did it.

1782. Was it worth it?

1783. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

1784. Well alright then.

1785. You followed your heart. And I'm proud of you.

1786. Proud of all of you.

1787. Whew. Well, this is me. See you jokers on Monday.

1788. At Driver's Ed?

1789. Oh no, I'm not allowed to teach that anymore. I'm your new guidance counselor.

1790. Gonna talk to all of you about your futures.

1791. Okay.

1792. Ow! Fuck! Oh! You never get used to the pain! Ah!

1793. Bye.

1794. Bye.

1795. You know what, honestly, I feel like this kind of thing

1796. that we just did should be like low-key encouraged.

1797. I feel different. I feel like something happened.

1798. I feel like... so emotional right now. It's... I don't know I uh

1799. I think I like you guys more than like everyone else I know.

1800. Aww. - Aw, stop.

1801. Yeah, we're so proud of you.

1802. Man, we really just did a group hug.

1803. How about we do something this weekend? Keep this thing going.

1804. Why don't we make a movie?

1805. Fuck yeah. Let's do it.

1806. Let's do it!

1807. Tripod should be the star.

1808. No.

1809. Alright, no, no, no. What are you doing? Come on.

1810. I'm filming you. It's a great shot. Great light.

1811. Really? Okay, well... You got your shot. That's enough now.

1812. No I didn't.

1813. Okay, no. That's enough. - It's not over yet.