Dream a Little Dream (1989)

1. Dinger.

2. Dinger, wake up for a minute. I gotta talk to you, buddy.

3. Look, Bobby, I'm asleep.

4. I'm sound asleep, Bobby.

5. I'm dreaming.

6. Apache women, Mai Tai's,

7. Vanna White and a whip.

8. I'm in love.

9. That could be a problem.

10. I don't think you understand.

11. No, no, I do understand. I really do.

12. Which hand is it this week, Powell?

13. You're in love with Lainie?

14. Lainie? Lainie Diamond?

15. I can't believe what I'm hearing here, Bobby.

16. Are we talking about Joel's Lainie?

17. Hold on, are we talking about Lainie—

18. The one that looks great in a leotard Lainie?

19. Yeah, great, she looks fabulous in a leotard.

20. She's Joel's. You have any idea who Joel is?

21. Joel, Joel, psycho Joel?

22. Joel's gonna kill me.

23. Joel's gonna walk in here and kill both of us at the same time.

24. He didn't mean anything about Lainie. Just relax. Just relax.

25. Are you done with your Indian mating ritual yet?

26. You know, why does everything you have to say—

27. Why does it have to revolve around sex?

28. Why? Why are you so perverted?

29. It has nothing to do with sex.

30. It has to do with the fact that I am totally in love with—

31. No, no. Look, don't say her name, all right?

32. Don't-don't think about her. Don't talk about her.

33. Get her out of your head.

34. " Okay. " OKay?

35. - Okay. - You promise?

36. - Promise. - Okay.

37. Okay.

38. - Lainie, Lainie... - No, no.

39. - Lainie! - No!

40. What was that "heh" sound, Bobby?

41. Heh! That's the way I laugh. You know... heh!

42. What the hell is "heh"? Why can't you laugh like a man?

43. - You ready? - No.

44. - Let's go. - All right.

45. One, two, doo-doo-doo.

46. Oh, our life is tough

47. Money never seems to be enough

48. And if I could have oh, just one thing

49. Holy God, I wish you could sing

50. No, no, keep going. Give me— Give me more than that.

51. I'm flunking every grade in school.

52. Marvelous. So am I.

53. - Penniless. - Give me something better than that.

54. Okay, uh, my parents don't even talk to me.

55. Yeah? Well, at least your morn didn't run over

56. your leg in her Volvo, right? Mine did.

57. Yeah, but, see, my mom doesn't go into spasticated seizures

58. - every once and again. - That's rude, mister.

59. - A dogfight? - Yeah.

60. - Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.

61. All right.

62. Hey, Bobby, man, thanks for letting me crash.

63. No problem.

64. - Good night. - Good night.

65. Good morning.

66. Gena, I had this fantastic—

67. Dream. You always have a dream.

68. I don't want to hear about your crazy dream right now, okay?

69. It was about the old guy that— you know, from the shortcut—

70. The shortcut we take every day to school.

71. Well, he was in it.

72. Bobby, that's just stupid.

73. Gena, it was important.

74. "There are none so blind as those who will not see."

75. Jeremiah 20.

76. Hurry up, or you'll be working on a dream theory

77. of an old man surviving a punch in the nose.

78. We have a guest coming this morning.

79. Ike is not a guest. He's a dependent.

80. I'm not seeing anybody until I've done my meditation.

81. You can go downstairs and tell him that.

82. Hey! Chill out, man.

83. Why did you marry me?

84. Because I saw the other half of me.

85. I love you.

86. I love you, too.

87. I'll see you downstairs.

88. Perfection.

89. Boo.

90. Oh, Ike.

91. Hi.

92. Morning.

93. Where's the naughty boy?

94. In his room.

95. You're gonna have that talk with him?

96. Yeah, but don't expect any miracles.

97. Look, please don't-don't let him know that I put you up to it.

98. Dear heart, relax.

99. Why don't you just forget about that crazy old coot anyway

100. and let me take you away from all this?

101. Don't start rapping. You guys would suck as rappers.

102. Stop rapping. It's out. It happened a long time ago.

103. Oh, God, here they come.

104. Oh, don't step on the flowers.

105. Oh, shit. I stepped on the flowers.

106. And the others they think we're so cool

107. We're the coolest gang you ever can

108. Go, Maureen

109. Go, go, go, Maureen

110. Damn it.

111. How many times have I told you

112. - this is private property? - Every day, sir.

113. Well, then why don't you go another way?

114. "Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

115. Emerson, 1841.

116. Yeah, like Emerson, Lake & Palmer. I've heard of them.

117. Oh, stay off the grass. Look what you're doing to my lawn.

118. Oh, you don't have to thank us, sir. It was our pleasure.

119. Thanking you never entered my mind.

120. You know, you are disturbing my work.

121. Oh, well, I'll tell you what, sir, um, we're very sorry.

122. - And this will never happen again. - Never, ever.

123. - Never. - Never.

124. That's what you always say.

125. - You do? - I don't.

126. But I'll tell you what, this will be the last time—

127. - Oh. - Whoa.

128. Oh, my God!

129. There's the crimson tide.

130. Oh, shit.

131. Well, you're as big a baby as they are.

132. They're children, they have an excuse. What's yours?

133. I told you 1,000 times, Coleman—

134. "Put up a fence." I know.

135. And I've told you 1,000 times it's...

136. - ... the principle... - They've got to learn respect.

137. - Hi, kids. - Hi, Marge.

138. - What happened to you, Ike? - Don't ask. I'm embarrassed enough.

139. I guess you could say he's kind of red in the face, yuck-yuck.

140. Yeah, well, you're gonna be red in the face

141. when you get the bill for my new jogging suit, yuck-yuck.

142. Marge, help us.

143. Okay, that's danish and coffee for Ike, bacon and eggs for Mrs. Ettinger.

144. And what will you have, bad boy over here?

145. The usual, a chicken salad sandwich on seven-grain toast. Hold the chicken—

146. I know, I know, between my knees. I can't take any more of this.

147. You want your raw squash or not?

148. As we all know, raw squash is excellent for—

149. If you make one reference, Coleman, to bodily functions during this meal,

150. I'm gonna puke all over the table.

151. Well, seriously, Coleman, you gotta see it through Gene's eyes.

152. I mean, you go in that room for hours and meditate, or whatever the hell you do,

153. and then you come out and start talking like a—

154. Crazy man, huh? Is that what she said?

155. She hopes you're crazy. Crazy can be cured.

156. If it's the other, then there's nothing anybody can do anyway.

157. Look, I'm not getting senile and I'm not crazy either.

158. Well, what's she worried about?

159. There must be some reasonable explanation for all this.

160. Ike, I am conducting a scientific experiment.

161. Nobody knows what dreams really are.

162. Now if I can find the point

163. where they intersect with reality and enter one consciously,

164. if I could really enter the dream state, well, who knows?

165. Maybe I could live forever.

166. Well, just be careful what you wish for, Coleman.

167. Stop wishing for it, pal.

168. No, no, no, come on, stop looking at her.

169. Want to get your ass kicked?

170. - No. - Then stop looking.

171. Oh, I can't look at this.

172. Does any of this make any sense to you?

173. Well, I think he believes what he says.

174. And I certainly admire his conviction.

175. It's nothing to worry about.

176. I think he's going to ask me to do it with him.

177. Well, then I'd worry.

178. Do me a favor...

179. Don't worry.

180. All right, it's your scalp.

181. You know, the only hair you lose you pull out yourself, Coleman.

182. You're tugging. What's bothering you?

183. Something's always bothering you when you pull at your lip.

184. You know, when two people live together for 36 years,

185. they deserve to know what they can expect from one another.

186. That's true.

187. You always said you liked adventure.

188. Oh, but that was trips to Pennsylvania, New Jersey.

189. I'm not so sure about this.

190. Oh, then why did you play that little game with me tonight?

191. Because you wanted to pacify a foolish old man?

192. I don't know.

193. I love you, dear woman.

194. And I want us to be together in this life as long as nature permits.

195. That's why.

196. What's why?

197. Because you're a charmer.

198. What are you thinking about?

199. Oh! Don't you dare.

200. To hell with it. Let the games begin.

201. One, two, a-one, two, three, and...

202. I'm gonna wait

203. Till the midnight hour, yeah

204. When there's nobody left around

205. There's nobody else around... nobody.

206. I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour

207. The midnight hour

208. Look, man, I'm bored.

209. Forget Bobby and Dinger. Let's go.

210. Hey, would you relax? They'll be here, all right?

211. Parental bullshit.

212. Look who it is.

213. Must be band practice, huh?

214. What's the matter? You boys forget your flutes?

215. - Man, check out the tits on that one. - Hey, that's my girlfriend.

216. Yeah, I know, Joel. What do you think about that?

217. - Oh, I think you're an asshole, Dumas. - That's it, man.

218. Hey, chill out, man. Time and place.

219. Not in front of the ladies.

220. Okay.

221. Don't forget to write, okay, Joel?

222. Nice jacket.

223. Yo, Keller, man, wait up. I can only limp so fast.

224. Yeah, well, your mom broke your leg. You deal with it.

225. Oh, oh, that hurts.

226. Ragging on my madre, dude.

227. What was that all about?

228. Nothing now.

229. Maybe a little something later.

230. Come on.

231. I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear

232. Just saying this

233. Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

234. Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind

235. Coleman.

236. It's two blocks. It's a miracle we made it home.

237. Oh, that's the last time I'm ever gonna drink as long as I live.

238. That's easy for you to say.

239. No, it's not. They're assholes.

240. Don't worry about them.

241. Yo, we'll catch you guys later.

242. Whoa, I said later, Derek.

243. So, Bobby, your parents giving you shit again or what?

244. Yeah, well, you know, we all got a job to do.

245. They do theirs. I do mine.

246. Yep, I know what you're saying, pal.

247. You know, it's a thing handed down from generation to generation.

248. It's like this traditional thing, I think.

249. You think? Well, there's a new one for you.

250. Come on, just help me for a little while. You did so well the first time.

251. Oh, Coleman, don't spoil it.

252. We had such a wonderful day.

253. My head is spinning.

254. That's just perfect, no inhibitions.

255. All right, promise me, if I do this, that you'll never bring it up ever again.

256. Okay, I promise.

257. You promise? Why should I?

258. 'Cause I love you.

259. I love you too, but I'm still cold out here.

260. Why can't we do this inside?

261. Because we're closer to nature.

262. Now feel the energy of the earth come up...

263. through your legs and arms.

264. It feels so good.

265. Be like the roots of a tree.

266. You be like a root. I feel like a sap.

267. Just relax.

268. Stop telling me to relax.

269. Okay, I won't.

270. Let it flow through you.

271. Extend out to meet it.

272. Stop talking and close your eyes.

273. Coleman, it's working.

274. - No, it's not, Joel. - Relax.

275. Stop it.

276. Come on. Come on, genius.

277. Come on, let's go. Come on, good boy.

278. I've got work to do. I've got work to do. Let's go. Run.

279. Run! Go With it! Run!

280. Why am I running? I have a broken leg.

281. Oh, great. Tell him he's home, Kit.

282. Who are you? Who's he?

283. Who's she? Where am I?

284. Oh, my Lord, he's got amnesia.

285. Hey, Bobby, it's me, Dinger. Don't you know me?

286. - Where's Gena? - Who's Gena?

287. Maybe he has a girlfriend.

288. No, ma'am, he does have a girlfriend. Her name is Shelley.

289. - He has a girlfriend. - No, he doesn't have any girlfriend.

290. I would know about it. He's on drugs.

291. Don't look at me, sir. I'm totally clean.

292. What... what's going on?

293. - He's moving. - You'd think I can see that.

294. Oh, my God, where is she?

295. Where is who she?

296. Where's Shelley she or where is Lainie she?

297. - Who the hell is Lainie? - Lainie's Joel's girlfriend, sir.

298. - Who's Joel? - Wow, this is worse than I thought.

299. I didn't even know he was dating.

300. Well, she's a very nice girl, ma'am.

301. Oh, my God. I'm him.

302. Shit!

303. Help!

304. Dingle, go after him.

305. It's Dinger, sir. I can't, I have a broken leg.

306. Would you move?

307. He's dating.

308. Oh, no milk, no cookies, nothing.

309. What are you doing over there, you rotten little butt wad?

310. Hey, Jack, it's me, Cole.

311. Get out of here, you little scumbag, or I'm gonna call your parents.

312. Where the hell can he be?

313. If something happens to him, Kit, I'm just—

314. Gus, do you think he knows who we are?

315. Of course he knows who we— Well, on the other hand—

316. You know, we'll get him the best help money can buy.

317. We should have done it years ago.

318. - Bobby - Mom?

319. Hey, it's a start.

320. - Can I go to sleep now? - Please.

321. He must have had a very trying day.

322. Where is my bedroom?

323. That's what I thought.

324. That was amazing.

325. What happened?

326. - Gena, where were you? - With you.

327. Always.

328. But I couldn't find you.

329. You didn't know where to look.

330. Coleman.

331. Hey, pops, welcome to dreamland, where you get to live my life.

332. Here I am, over here. Don't you see me?

333. - You. - Me.

334. - You. - Me.

335. This wasn't supposed to happen.

336. Hey, I was just minding my own business.

337. Some shortcuts are not worth it these days.

338. You're telling me.

339. Get out of here and don't come back.

340. Hey, Jack, it's me, Coleman.

341. I think he was talking to me.

342. - Now you stay out of this. - Look who's talking.

343. Coleman, is that you?

344. Well, we've established our basic question.

345. You, me.

346. You... don't seem to have any of the answers.

347. What do you know about all of this?

348. Shit, I'm just caught in a dream.

349. And I don't even think it's mine.

350. Well, it certainly isn't mine.

351. Well, I'm not the one who was dicking around with reality, pal.

352. I don't care about you. I just want my wife back.

353. Oh, you mean that sweet, lovely old lady was your wife?

354. - Then you've seen her? - Oh, yeah, I saw her a few minutes ago.

355. She was packing some things up.

356. Packing? What? Why?

357. Well, you know, you are the brains around here, pops,

358. but let me tell you something just to clue you in.

359. When you pack, leaving usually tends to follow.

360. - Take me to her. - Oh, I can't,

361. because part of her is where you are.

362. Well, where am I?

363. I don't know.

364. But wherever you are, wake up soon, because I'm gonna be late for school.

365. Oh, yeah, pops, if you don't find Gena soon,

366. you're gonna lose her forever. Heh!

367. No.

368. This would look better on Ike.

369. Where the hell does this kid shop?

370. What...?

371. At least he's got a good body.

372. Okay, what do we have here? A duck.

373. Might be a little bit too flashy.

374. Why do they have little cereal bowls rolled up at the end of their sleeves?

375. What the hell is this thing?

376. At least I'm not thin.

377. You guys aren't gonna eat that, are you?

378. Is he okay?

379. Ask him if he wants a pop-tart.

380. Yo, Bobby, let's go.

381. Tell him Dinger is here.

382. I'm sorry, what's your name?

383. - Gus. - Gus. And...

384. - Morn. - Morn.

385. Gus and Mom. Well, I'll see you guys later.

386. Gus, I'm gonna call Dr. Jordan

387. and have his head— Have him look him over.

388. I don't know. At least he's finally appreciating the tie I got him.

389. It's okay. It's okay. Just the way I like it.

390. - Oh. Oh. The rug. - That's all right. That's all right.

391. What did you do, run out of mousse?

392. You're Dinger, right?

393. Right. Me Dinger. You Bobby.

394. Me look cool. You look like shit, pal.

395. It's okay, though. It's okay. We'll make it a fashion statement.

396. Oh, listen, I've got some things to do. I'll meet you at school.

397. Bobby, isn't there any film left in your camera, dude?

398. Look, you cannot cut any more classes.

399. Bobby, you're already on the boys' V.P. most-wanted list.

400. You gotta go to school. It's a dirty job.

401. Someone's gotta do it, okay?

402. School, you know, school?

403. Okay.

404. Hey, buddy, school's that way, yonder.

405. "We traffic in mockery." Yeats, 1928.

406. Okay, sure. It's okay, pal.

407. I know, I know. I've been there.

408. Take a deep breath. Shh, it's okay.

409. It's all right, I'm here. I'm with you. You're okay. You're secure.

410. That's not funny, you know.

411. You should be prepared. You need a good education.

412. Oh, prepare this.

413. Hey, how many times have I told you that this is private property?

414. Bobby, you're starting to sound like that old man. Come on.

415. Oh, sorry, I-I just want to show some proper respect.

416. Okay, sure. Wham!

417. Hey. God, you don't have to smash the flowers.

418. Bobby, we always smash the flowers. It's a tradition with us, pal.

419. Goddamn, you're uptight. When was the last time you've been laid?

420. The old man, he's gone.

421. Good. Maybe he's gone forever and ever.

422. - Would you shut up? - Relax.

423. What?

424. - Oh, my God. - Come on. What the hell is this?

425. Well, a pretty calm day or, you know—

426. - At least this hallway's calm. - It's a pretty calm day. It's nice.

427. It's a jungle. They're animals.

428. - I think I'm gonna be nauseous. - Hey, watch out.

429. - Where's the lavatory? - The lava-what?

430. - The lavatory. Where's the lavatory? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

431. It's up there. The bathroom, right? Obviously.

432. Well, when some people gotta go, they gotta go.

433. Hey, Keller.

434. Hey, asshole, I heard about you banging Lainie last night.

435. Hello, Keller. Keller.

436. You brain-dead, man?

437. I beg your pardon?

438. Oh, he's begging. He's begging.

439. What are you begging for, Bobby?

440. Are you looking for a piece of ass, Keller?

441. That is a sharp tie you got there, Tonto.

442. - Thank you. - Hey, back off, dumb-ass.

443. That's Dumas, Joel.

444. - You know that's French? - Right.

445. You mean dumb-ass. It might be a foreign object, but it ain't French.

446. Boo.

447. I will remember that, little man.

448. Hey, I'm-I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean anything.

449. It's the only tie I have. I like the tie.

450. - Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

451. What did you guys leave me in there for? I could have got my ass kicked.

452. I didn't, though. I was brilliant.

453. That's what I did, my kung fu shit.

454. I need a stiff drink.

455. Hey, want to watch where the hell you're going?

456. Last night you hurt Lainie. Do it again and I'll hurt you.

457. - You got it? Huh? - Yeah.

458. The least you can do is apologize, all right?

459. I'm sorry.

460. And if you've got any mousse,

461. - I want you to use it. - Okay.

462. - All right. - All right. That way?

463. - Apologize. - That way?

464. All right, there she is. Go apologize.

465. Her?

466. Excuse me.

467. It's you.

468. Yeah, may I speak with you, please?

469. - What happened? - I'm not sure.

470. Neither am I.

471. Do you know who I am?

472. Do you know who I am?

473. I hope so. God, I hope so.

474. Me too.

475. Gena, it is you.

476. - I'm so sorry about the accident. - Who's Gena?

477. So I figured you two talking to each other sooner or later.

478. I've got to talk to you right now, privately.

479. What?

480. Now how are you gonna get us out of this?

481. I'm a wreck. I had to go along with you and you had to get me involved.

482. I'll get us out of it, I swear, just as long as we have each other.

483. No, no, no, this isn't the time.

484. But-but, Gena, I'm so happy you found me.

485. Gena? Who is Gena?

486. Why don't you have her do your homework?

487. Then she can get in trouble,

488. and you can take her to the dance on Saturday.

489. Some accidents aren't accidents, they're bad karma, okay?

490. God punishes people, and don't forget that.

491. - Wait a minute. - Hey, buddy, relax.

492. There's plenty of time for that kind of stuff.

493. - Let's go to class. Come on. - Shit.

494. Joel, buddy, class.

495. Hello, boys. Don't say hello, Bobby.

496. Pissing them all off today, huh, Bob?

497. Jesus.

498. Good morning. Sit down, please.

499. - Bobby, you're in my seat. - Huh?

500. Get up. You're embarrassing me. Get up. Everyone's watching us. Get up!

501. Bobby, get away from me. I just dropped my cane.

502. Your seat's three back. Go, go, you're messing up. Go, go.

503. Why is he being such a dweeb today?

504. - I don't know, man, but he's my dweeb. - He's a very weird dweeb.

505. Zero is a significant digit, for it has meaning.

506. The last digit written down for any measurement is the uncertain digit.

507. All non-zero digits in a measurement are significant.

508. Zeros are often...

509. - Mr. Keller. - What?

510. - Sit down. - I-I can't right now. I gotta go.

511. Sit down.

512. Sir, this is my I.O.U. homework. I owe you homework, sir.

513. - Thank you, Dinger. - A lot of homework, sir.

514. - Thanks. - Thank you, sir.

515. First, you were late.

516. Number two, this would make a decent halftime score.

517. That's about it. And you're not stupid.

518. So what seems to be your problem?

519. I'm not sure, sir, but I can improve.

520. Yeah, and how will you do that?

521. S.A.T's are Saturday.

522. Well-well, I must try harder. I must apply myself.

523. I must realize that "ignorance is the only slavery."

524. Robert Green lngersoll, 1876.

525. Keller, it's really weird when you can't remember

526. your own locker combination.

527. Yeah.

528. There must be a lot of things you don't remember, right?

529. Look, I may not be a genius, but I'm doing all right in school,

530. which is more than I can say for some people.

531. - That's not what I meant. - What do you mean?

532. How long have you been tugging your lip?

533. I don't tug on my lip.

534. - You just did. - So what?

535. Bobby, look, you're being really weird.

536. I mean, weirder than usual, and that's pretty weird.

537. I-I just want to talk to you for a minute.

538. Look, I'm gonna be late.

539. Nice coat.

540. Nice coat? Well, maybe later.

541. Yeah, okay, maybe after school.

542. Look, chill out a little bit, okay? I gotta go.

543. Okay, let's go up for some commando.

544. That's right, messing with Rambo's little brother.

545. That's right. Oh, dust, pal, dust. First mistake.

546. Nice teeth.

547. Dude-

548. Why... why you sitting in geek field, Bobby?

549. Just a little question.

550. A refreshing change of pace, Dinger?

551. All right, acceptable. It's good. It's good.

552. It's not one of your best, but it's okay, pal.

553. Then again, where would Bobby Keller be

554. without a cynical eat-shit-and-die attitude

555. and sarcasm that should be registered as a lethal weapon?

556. You wouldn't want to know.

557. Where are you thinking about going, hard-on?

558. I'm going to have lunch over there.

559. Amnesia strikes at will.

560. You know, I should start charging you a psychiatric fee, man.

561. Bobby, we are not supposed to go eat with the gorgeous women.

562. You know, women? We're on probation.

563. You know, Bobby, probation. Men in cages, boys in bondage.

564. I think Bobby's seeing someone else. That's what I think.

565. - Some girl named Gena. - Lucky break, if you ask me.

566. No, it isn't, because I really love him.

567. You know, I mean, he's weird this morning, but—

568. Yeah, looks like he knows it too. He exiled himself to Slugville.

569. - Did you see him with the geeks? - Yeah, I did.

570. - Lainie. - Huh?

571. What were you talking about this morning?

572. Homework.

573. No. Wrong. I do his homework.

574. Well, tension.

575. - Hey, girls. - Hi, guys.

576. Hey, whoa, Joel, what do you got in there?

577. Let me have one of those. Let me have two of them.

578. - Okay, okay. - Anything else on there?

579. All right, thanks a lot.

580. What are you guys doing in Dorkville?

581. - Wow, speak of the devil. - What do you mean by that, Dinger?

582. Nothing. Me and Bobby were just talking about evil things,

583. and you guys happened to show up. Nothing at all.

584. I'm not in the mood for this shit, Dinger.

585. What is wrong with everybody nowadays?

586. I mean, isn't there any love left in our universe, huh?

587. Shut up, Dinger.

588. Oh, shut up, Dinger? Real mature.

589. - Really, really, really mature. - Bye, Dinger.

590. Hey, Bob, sorry about this morning. I'm just a little uptight.

591. Hey, that's quite all right.

592. You're not gonna consume that, are you?

593. Don't you realize all the cholesterol and fat...

594. I'm sorry. I like bad boys.

595. Hi, Keller.

596. I guess I'm not a good dancer anymore.

597. Lainie, listen, I gotta talk to you about what happened last night.

598. Yeah, we gotta stop meeting like that.

599. No, Lainie, please, you gotta listen to me. This is important.

600. - Look, it's over. No big tragedy. - I'm not so sure about that.

601. Look, I gotta go take a shower.

602. If you really need to talk to me, come by my house later.

603. You always seem to find me, don't you?

604. - What are friends for, huh? - Best friends, right?

605. Right on, man.

606. Since I'm your best friend, I've got a question for you.

607. And what might that be?

608. That might be, Robert,

609. what's going on with you and Miss Diamond, huh?

610. We're just friends.

611. That's good, you know, because Joel is really, really crazy

612. about that young lady.

613. You know, he's also a little bit on the edge

614. when it comes to her, you know what I mean?

615. So if you want to stay healthy, take a lot, a lot of Flintstones vitamins

616. and stay away from Lainie, okay, please?

617. - Okay, I'll keep that in mind. - Thank you.

618. Listen, I've got some things I have to do.

619. Okay, let's go do them together, be a team.

620. No, you don't understand, I gotta be alone for a while.

621. Sure. No problem.

622. No skin off my back. I can hang.

623. Just another boring day in the court for me, that's all.

624. Yep, that's all that is for me.

625. Life.

626. My daughter tells me there's some urgency to your visit.

627. What've you got for me this time, water balloons?

628. Ike, am I glad to see you.

629. Well, I'm happy to see you too.

630. But you're gonna be even happier to see me in a minute.

631. Well, I can only get so happy, and then I peak.

632. Let's sit down.

633. Ike, listen to me.

634. You're gonna have to listen to what I'm about to tell you.

635. It's the absolute truth, but you've got to believe me, okay?

636. You have to use all your faculties.

637. You have to be willing to suspend your normal patterns of thinking.

638. You've got to believe in what I'm about to say.

639. You're not working with the Young Republicans, are you?

640. Oh, this is ineffective.

641. Ike, come here. Come here.

642. Look at me.

643. Ike, it's me...

644. your best friend Coleman.

645. Come again?

646. Gena and I tried the experiment, but it didn't work.

647. Something happened, I don't know what,

648. but I got trapped in this body and I can't get out.

649. Call the house.

650. I'm not there. I'm here.

651. And I had this dream. It was—

652. Now wait a minute. You haven't... done anything

653. to my friends, have you?

654. Oh, God, you're not listening to me.

655. I'm tired.

656. I've had a long day at school.

657. Where's Coleman? He put you up to this, didn't he?

658. Ike, remember what Oscar Wilde said about a cynic, 1892?

659. "None of this is folderol."

660. Would I know this? Watch.

661. Coleman could have showed you that.

662. Okay, okay, Okay-

663. Remember that story you told me about the two dancing Filipino girls

664. on your first shore leave in Manila?

665. I never believed you, right?

666. - It's a true story. - Ike, I'm willing to believe you,

667. but you've got to be willing to believe me.

668. Smudge. Careful, he bites.

669. Smudge, smudge, come here, come here.

670. Come here, come here, come here, come here.

671. - Hi, Sheila. - How did you know my name?

672. - I told him. - Oh.

673. You know, it's amazing, that dog hates everybody.

674. Except Coleman.

675. - Don't you think you're overreacting? - No, I don't.

676. Why do you always think you're supposed to give in to a man?

677. Look where it got you.

678. I didn't do so badly. What's wrong with all this?

679. Mom, you did everything to please Daddy.

680. So what did he do? He took you for granted

681. and left you for somebody else.

682. Apparently it wasn't enough.

683. I could have been a little warmer.

684. All I know is Joel's one of the few boys in this town with a real future.

685. His parents are doing quite well.

686. He's a little rough around the edges, but he's smart and he'll go on to college.

687. Mom, I'm in high school.

688. So Joel's terrific, but is that any reason—

689. To what? Don't put words in my mouth.

690. No, just thoughts in my head.

691. Don't turn your back on me, young lady.

692. - Hi, Keller. - Hello, Lainie.

693. Do you have time to talk?

694. Well, Bobby, it's a shame you didn't knock some sense into her.

695. Hi, Miss Diamond.

696. Bobby, I'm not in a very good mood.

697. In that case, maybe you should come back when her teenage years are over.

698. Where do you think you're going?

699. To run away from home and become a prostitute.

700. - Oh, then this must be your— - Mother, don't.

701. Bye, Miss Diamond.

702. Hey, I want to thank you for doing this.

703. Anything to get away from my mother.

704. - Gee, thanks. I'm flattered. - That was sarcastic?

705. No, I'm just trying to be myself.

706. I thought you said you wanted to talk.

707. Come on, I want to show you something.

708. What are we doing?

709. We're going inside the house.

710. I'm not going in there.

711. Why not? Come on. There's nobody home.

712. - Bobby, are you gonna hit me again? - No, I'm not gonna hit you again.

713. - Come on. - No way.

714. Chicken.

715. - What are you doing? - Getting some real food.

716. Bobby, that's cold tofu.

717. I know. It's so good. Want some?

718. No. What are we doing here?

719. And why do you have the key?

720. I'm watching the house for the old people, you know, feeding their dog and stuff.

721. They asked me to, while they're out of town.

722. Besides, I think it's a nice place to come,

723. to get away from my parents. I think it's neat.

724. I think it smells like old people.

725. It's spooky.

726. Spooky? Where do you see spooky?

727. Now come in here. I want to show you something.

728. - It's important. - Okay, okay.

729. Ah, well, the old guy always has some nonsense written here.

730. That's sweet.

731. Yeah, you're right. It is sweet.

732. But it's usually a bunch of bullshit about energy and youth.

733. Seems harmless.

734. I love this song.

735. Yeah. I know.

736. I can't remember where I've heard it.

737. Dance with me.

738. - She's very beautiful. - So are you.

739. Lainie!

740. Good going, Coleman.

741. Hello. Oh, hi, Joel.

742. I really can't talk right now, okay?

743. Good night. Sweet dreams.

744. Oh, no, it's you.

745. You were expecting maybe Freddy Krueger?

746. Who's Freddy Krueger?

747. It's before your time.

748. Listen, why don't you do me a favor and stay out of my life, all right, pops?

749. Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

750. Where's Gena? And don't call me "pops."

751. Gene's in the house, pops.

752. Don't try the door. It's locked.

753. - I've got a key. - It's not gonna work. This is a dream.

754. You want to see her, go look in the window.

755. Gena.

756. Gena, Gena.

757. Why doesn't she remember me?

758. Well, the way I see it is that she wasn't

759. as into this little experiment as you were.

760. You wouldn't by any chance know how to switch us back?

761. Absolutely.

762. As a matter of fact, it just so happens to be

763. one of the very first things that I learned about.

764. Well, then let's do it now.

765. - Uh-uh. - What do you mean, uh-uh?

766. Well, which one don't you understand, uh or uh?

767. The whole idea.

768. You see, I like it here.

769. It's... well, it's dreamy.

770. If you catch my drift.

771. Don't you want to get back to your own life?

772. No, I don't, as a matter of fact.

773. See, you don't understand;

774. my parents hate me, I'm flunking every grade in school,

775. Dumas wants to kick my ass, and if Joel found out

776. how I feel about Lainie, he'd want to kick my ass too.

777. "Show me a man who has enjoyed his school days

778. and I'll show you a bully and a bore." Robert Morley, 1958.

779. Up yours and the horse you rode in on.

780. That isn't a horse. That's a sheep.

781. Where did it come from?

782. A sheep? I don't know.

783. But this is your sick dream, and I'll tell you one thing,

784. you have some deep-seated psychological problems, man.

785. And by the way, I'm not going back.

786. What if I fixed everything?

787. Oh, and how are you gonna do that, pops?

788. Don't call me "pops."

789. I can do it.

790. I've got to.

791. Well, you'd better work fast,

792. because they're working fast.

793. - Not as fast as I can. - All right, fine.

794. But just don't let Joel find out about it,

795. or he's gonna "tear your playhouse down."

796. Paul Young, 1986. See how annoying that is?

797. Anyway, you gotta do me some things.

798. You gotta stop eating the tofu shit, because the tofu shit is driving me crazy.

799. It's making me really nauseous.

800. And, you know, you gotta stop telling people what to eat.

801. It's just not like me. How often do you see me

802. telling people what to eat? I don't do it.

803. Okay, something else, there's some home movies downstairs.

804. Watch them. Learn how to speak like a normal person.

805. I don't talk like that. Oh, also some mousse.

806. There's some mousse in the bathroom. You gotta use the mousse.

807. You gotta do something with my hair. My hair looks like shit.

808. I never have my hair look like shit. They're gonna know somethings up,

809. all right, something's weird here. All right, oh, one last thing...

810. Wake up.

811. Or "you're gonna lose that girl." Beatles, 1965. Heh.

812. "Bobby's 16th birthday."

813. Hey, babe, I just wanted to fill you in regarding last night:

814. I wanted to tell you that I was not a cool dude, right?

815. And also, like, I was totally unchilled

816. and, you know, I should really chill out some more. Right? Right?

817. Why can't you speak like a normal person?

818. You know what, they don't have a dog.

819. They never had a dog. I don't appreciate you hitting on me

820. and I don't think your best friend would either.

821. So why don't you go away?

822. Lainie, I don't think you see what I'm trying to do here.

823. I just want to be friends with you.

824. I want you to get to know me as a person.

825. All you know me as is Keller.

826. I thought I knew you, Bobby, okay?

827. And I do like you, but not in that way.

828. Okay, fine.

829. Will you do me a favor and meet me after school in a public place?

830. I don't think so, okay?

831. Okay.

832. Aren't you gonna say something stupid, Keller?

833. Why do you always bother me? I don't even know you.

834. How dumb do you think I am?

835. That's a pretty leading question. How dumb are you?

836. Hike!

837. Fight, fight, fight!

838. Hey, hey, back up, dumb-ass!

839. Anybody else?

840. Yeah.

841. Me.

842. Break it up, guys! Keller!

843. Come here!

844. Hey, What you get?

845. By the time I finish doing laps, I'll be in graduate school, dude.

846. Razor-sharp, Keller, razor-sharp.

847. Hey, where did you learn to fight like that?

848. Kung fu theater, dude.

849. - Dude, stop saying "dude," all right? - Okay.

850. - Have you pooned Shelley yet? - Pooned?

851. Yeah, you know, slept with her.

852. Oh, yeah, that. I don't think so.

853. Look, man, I hear you.

854. I mean, now between me and you,

855. it's like Lainie's not being too cooperative lately.

856. Well, maybe I'm not the right guy to talk to about this.

857. Who am I gonna talk to, Dinger?

858. Okay, well, maybe you're not her type.

859. I'm every girl's type-

860. I mean, Jesus, even her mother likes me.

861. It's driving me crazy, you know.

862. It's like I can't understand.

863. Any other girl in the class— boom.

864. But Lainie, I can't figure her out.

865. Listen, why don't you just leave her alone?

866. I mean, why can't you just poon another girl?

867. I mean, you don't care for her and you don't understand her.

868. What's gotten into you, Keller, huh?

869. If we weren't friends for so long, I'd knock you out.

870. - You understand that? - Yeah, yeah, I understand that.

871. - Sorry. It just hurt. - Okay.

872. - All right? - All right.

873. - Sorry. - Dude.

874. Dude.

875. Hey!

876. You're crazy. Did you know that?

877. And I'm also cute too, aren't I?

878. So will you come go with me?

879. - Do I have a choice? - No.

880. So how do you want to start this?

881. Have you ever been here before?

882. Of course not. We're the only ones here under 50.

883. What is it with you and old people anyway?

884. I'm gonna tell you the truth about that.

885. Well, that'|| be a first.

886. How do you know? We hardly ever talk to each other.

887. You know what? I'm sorry. That's not fair.

888. No, you're right. We never did talk to each other before.

889. All of a sudden you've changed.

890. Why?

891. It's not important. Listen, something happened to those old people.

892. What do you mean? Where are they anyway?

893. I don't know. Ever since you and I had our accident,

894. they haven't been there.

895. It's like they're gone. And I'm really worried about them.

896. That's pretty weird, huh?

897. Yeah, like you.

898. What are you gonna have? I haven't got all day.

899. Hi, Marge. Ladies first.

900. Do you have a raw vegetable plate?

901. What made you order that?

902. I'm on a diet. Do you?

903. All I've got is the rest of the squash we keep for Mr. Ettinger.

904. You want some seven-grain bread with that? We've got lots of that too.

905. Okay, listen, if I take you some place else

906. where nothing weird happens, will you come with me?

907. - Public or private? - Your choice.

908. So my dad left and my brother chose to live with him.

909. Male bonding and that stuff.

910. Now it's just me and my mom.

911. And you've met her.

912. Anyway, Joel gave me a lot of attention when I needed it.

913. Why am I telling you my life's story?

914. - Because I'm a good listener. - Yeah, you are.

915. So your dad let you borrow his car?

916. - I think it's neat. - Yeah. Now what about Joel?

917. Do you love him'?

918. I'm in high school. Who cares?

919. - You didn't answer my question. - I'm just a kid.

920. You still didn't answer my question.

921. What else do I have to do?

922. Kiss.

923. I feel so safe with you.

924. I feel like I can tell you anything.

925. - I know. - Why?

926. - Because we're them. - We're who?

927. We're the old couple. You're Gena and I'm Coleman.

928. Why are you doing this? You're spoiling everything.

929. It's the truth.

930. - You've got to hear me, please. - I don't want to hear you.

931. I'm starting to like you. I don't want to hear this.

932. - But you've got to. It's the truth. - Bobby—

933. - Listen to me. - Why are you doing this?

934. You were riding your bike and I was running, okay?

935. Oh, my God. Bobby—— Bobby Keller, you're a jerk!

936. A real jerk!

937. No, Lainie, I'm just doing this

938. because I wanted to live a longer life with you.

939. Come on. Gena, come back.

940. My fault. You are in the wrong place, Bobby boy.

941. Oh, my God.

942. So now it's just you and me and my boys.

943. Lainie!

944. - I don't give a shit about that. - Stop! Bobby!

945. And I don't give a shit about you.

946. Stop it!

947. Stop it. Stop it. You're killing him.

948. Nah, I think I'd rather jack off.

949. And you...

950. You're gonna look really good for the dance, cupcake.

951. Bobby.

952. Let's go, let's do it.

953. Bobby, are you okay?

954. Are you okay?

955. Oh, my God.

956. Well, thank you for a frightening, confusing, strange and dangerous time.

957. What more could a girl ask for?

958. |-| feel like I should apologize to you,

959. but I told the truth.

960. Bobby, I really like you,

961. but I can't believe a story like this. It's just not fair.

962. You're right. You're right. It isn't fair.

963. You should let your mother take a look at that eye.

964. Listen, can you do me a favor?

965. When you dream tonight, remember it for me.

966. Why? Am I gonna dream that we're married?

967. I don't know. I don't know.

968. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe you're right.

969. And if I am, I need some serious help.

970. But if I'm not, you've got to remember this dream, please.

971. Just do it for me, please. Please.

972. I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow.

973. Dead meat. Dead meat.

974. We're gonna kill Dumas for this.

975. - Hey, be careful. - Don't touch me.

976. Hi, Miss Diamond.

977. Well, if you aren't a sight for sore eyes.

978. You know what they say, out of sight, out of mind.

979. Thank you, Mother. We'll be fine. You can go now.

980. Bobby, you know, Joel's gonna find out

981. about you and Lainie Monday morning at school.

982. Hey, I tried to warn you. Did you listen? No.

983. Yeah, well, hopefully I won't be in school Monday.

984. That's a real good idea, pal. Real good.

985. Bobby, let me ask you a question.

986. Do you really, honestly know what you're doing?

987. No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

988. Forget I asked. You obviously don't. You keep proving it to me.

989. Listen, Dinger, I just want to say that, you know,

990. I appreciate us being friends and everything

991. and you helping me through this.

992. I got it. You want money.

993. That's what you want, right, money?

994. No, no, not at all.

995. I just— I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you being my friend.

996. Bobby...

997. Yeah?

998. Dude, are you turning fag on me or what? What's happening?

999. - What's wrong? - Where were you?

1000. At the gym. I'm working on something.

1001. Oh, yeah? I went there looking for you, Lainie.

1002. Oh.

1003. Look, listen, I'm trying to be cool about this, all right?

1004. But you're doing something behind my back.

1005. Do I have to find out for myself?

1006. I don't know. I don't want to do this to you.

1007. It's just— I just don't know about anything anymore.

1008. What do you want me to do? Wait on you to figure things out?

1009. I mean, goddamnit, Lainie!

1010. I'm sorry, Joel. I just can't talk about this right now.

1011. Look, I'll meet you tomorrow at the dance, okay?

1012. I'll be ready then. I promise.

1013. Great, great. Well, listen, you'd better straighten your act out by then,

1014. 'cause I'm not gonna wait around for you to grow up.

1015. Now come here.

1016. All right, good.

1017. So what did you tell Garson and Sheila?

1018. Well, I told them I'd signed up at the bridge club

1019. to be a surrogate grandfather for kids that don't have one.

1020. You know, Big Grandpas of America.

1021. Do you find it amusing?

1022. Oh, I think it's great, actually.

1023. Well, there's nothing funny about this, Coleman.

1024. Oh, that's not true.

1025. As a matter of fact, there's a lot of funny things about this.

1026. For instance, I happen to be dating my best friend's girlfriend.

1027. I've gotten in two fights in two days.

1028. I mean, look at my face. This is ridiculous.

1029. Just looks like a bad case of acne to me.

1030. That was a good one, Ike.

1031. I'm impressed. I'm very impressed.

1032. But seriously, I mean, now I gotta go home

1033. and get shit from my parents for being late again.

1034. And the teaching at that school

1035. has declined faster than the western civilization.

1036. It's ridiculous. They don't teach you anything you need to know anymore.

1037. They teach you nothing that's spiritual or uplifting.

1038. Not as easy as you thought, huh?

1039. Hey, will you do me a favor, pal? Cut me some slack.

1040. - Cut you some slack? - Yeah.

1041. - Lainie. - Not now, Mother.

1042. Don't you think you should tell him?

1043. Tell him what? There's nothing to tell.

1044. I think you're making a big mistake.

1045. What's happening to you, Lainie?

1046. And don't worry about the car. I'll get that fixed.

1047. - Coleman. - Yeah?

1048. Have you figured out how you're gonna get back yet?

1049. I... I guess I'm gonna have to repeat the experiment.

1050. It'll work. Don't worry.

1051. Thank you for everything.

1052. What are Big Grandpas for?

1053. I mean, what the hell does he study?

1054. You gotta— you gotta tell him

1055. that if he flunks that S.A.T. test, that we're gonna be—

1056. Gus, you can't flunk that kind of a test.

1057. He'll find a way. Come on.

1058. I mean, it's always something.

1059. If he doesn't get into college...

1060. - Look at this. - Oh.

1061. Can you imagine what he's done now?

1062. Ask him if the police are very far behind him.

1063. It's those no-good friends of his.

1064. The police are not behind me. And it's not my friends, okay?

1065. My friends wouldn't beat me up like this.

1066. Ask him if I'm gonna get sued.

1067. Check out if he's got any teeth left.

1068. I can't afford the dental bills.

1069. You know, it's no wonder I'm so screwed up.

1070. I mean, look at you guys. You don't even talk to me.

1071. I'm your son, remember?

1072. Why don't you ever give me the benefit of the doubt?

1073. You don't even ask me if anything's wrong.

1074. You don't even ask me if I'm hurt.

1075. I mean, what's the matter with you?

1076. You don't understand what it's like to be a kid in today's society.

1077. I'm trying my hardest.

1078. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I screamed.

1079. It's just really upsetting.

1080. I try to do everything I can.

1081. And I'm studying hard.

1082. And I'm gonna do good on my S.A.T's on Saturday. I'm going to.

1083. Yeah, sure.

1084. I mean, I'm working really hard.

1085. I just need you to help me. I cannot do this without you.

1086. Okay.

1087. Okay.

1088. Good night. Good night, Gus and Kit.

1089. Good night.

1090. Good night, honey.

1091. When did he start calling us Gus and Kit?

1092. — bobby? - You rang?

1093. You know, you should take better care of me.

1094. Nobody's here.

1095. No, they're all packed up and ready to go.

1096. You've got to show me how to make the switch.

1097. No way.

1098. But we're getting things straightened out.

1099. I'm gonna get you into college. You'll have a future.

1100. And Lainie's a terrific girl. Everything's going fine.

1101. You don't think that I see the way you've screwed things up?

1102. You screwed my life up worse than I did.

1103. You just do not understand what it's like

1104. to go through life in today's world with a kid's emotion.

1105. Yeah, you're right. Maybe I don't.

1106. I make a lousy kid. I'm too cautious. I lack spontaneity.

1107. I wouldn't dare to hang my ass out of a window and moon a lot of strangers

1108. or throw up in the backseat of a car.

1109. It's your life. You have to live it.

1110. Not anymore, thanks to you.

1111. Where's Gena?

1112. I saw her in the house a few minutes ago, taking care of some last-minute things.

1113. Gene's trying to tell Lainie what happened.

1114. I still have a chance.

1115. Not without me, you don't.

1116. And you won't even help me?

1117. I can't. You don't understand.

1118. It's not gonna be in my best interest to help you.

1119. I can do one thing, I can give you a hint.

1120. Okay, first of all, it has nothing to do with states and systems and all that shit.

1121. Secondly, it has nothing to do with physics.

1122. And also, if you weren't so damned smart,

1123. you would have figured this whole thing out two dreams ago.

1124. That's all I can say, pops.

1125. Hey, aren't you gonna tell me not to call you "pops"?

1126. Wow.

1127. I guess that's it.

1128. I'll see you later. I'm history.

1129. Keep dreaming.

1130. Last day, pops. Good luck. Heh!

1131. All right, pencils up.

1132. Good morning. Welcome to the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

1133. Remember during the test to remain in your seats

1134. and let there be absolutely no talking.

1135. This test is to determine your ability to get into college.

1136. Some of you I don't think will make it.

1137. It is now 10:07.

1138. You have until 1:07.

1139. And you may open your test books... now!

1140. Hey, Mr. Pattison, listen.

1141. Some of the questions in the test were wrong on their face,

1142. so I went ahead and corrected them.

1143. They're in the textbook, so take a look, okay?

1144. Thanks.

1145. Hey, I admit I dreamed about the old couple last night.

1146. What am I supposed to do about it?

1147. I mean, this doesn't mean you're right, you know.

1148. Oh, and how do you explain the dream?

1149. A strong power of suggestion planted in a tender young mind

1150. by a clever young man with a novel approach to stealing his friend's girl.

1151. Yeah, well, that's not at all what I'm doing, but is it working?

1152. In a way. This is a bizarre courtship.

1153. Yes, it's very strange.

1154. But let's put all that aside. Let's get back to the arguing.

1155. What am I gonna do with you?

1156. I would say we should get married,

1157. but we can't, 'cause we already are.

1158. Okay, I'm not saying I believe you, but come here and kiss me.

1159. Boo.

1160. Scared you, huh?

1161. Look, mine is not the question; mine is only a warning for you two.

1162. Joel is very close behind.

1163. Look, in that dream, she was really real.

1164. I mean, she said I couldn't fall asleep or we'd lose them forever.

1165. Like Oz or something.

1166. - What else did she say? - She said that she really loves you.

1167. Lainie, that-that was a secret. God.

1168. Excuse me. Shelley.

1169. - Women are nuts. - You're telling me.

1170. Hey, asshole.

1171. - Hey, hey. - Joel, Joel.

1172. The poor guy is my buddy. Now it's between me and you.

1173. What are you doing, Joel? What are you doing?

1174. Stop it, Joel. That's enough.

1175. Hey, I'm doing this for you, all right?

1176. I don't need it, all right? I didn't need it last night.

1177. Dinger didn't need it the other day on the football field.

1178. And none of us need it now! That's enough of this shit!

1179. All right, all right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.

1180. Hey, all right, all right.

1181. - Hey, you. - That's for me.

1182. - You, out of here. You, inside. - I didn't do anything.

1183. - You, come with me. - I can't. Come on.

1184. - Let's go. - I can't go.

1185. Why me? Why always me?

1186. Wow, I always thought S.A.T. meant "Saturday afternoon test." What is up?

1187. Oh, it's you.

1188. Yeah, is Lainie home?

1189. Nope.

1190. Do you know where she's at?

1191. I thought maybe she was with you, so I guess things could be worse.

1192. You don't care much for me, do you?

1193. What's not to like? I'll be sure to tell her you came by.

1194. Lately where you find that Keller boy, you find my daughter.

1195. Now we like you a lot, Joel.

1196. We'd like to see you in the family.

1197. For some reason, I'm jealous of her.

1198. I'm not sure I can believe I am who you say I am

1199. or if I just want you to want me more.

1200. I think what she was trying to tell us is that we can't fall asleep tonight

1201. or we could lose them forever.

1202. Bobby, I'm as anxious to mature as the next girl,

1203. but I'm not looking to rush it quite that much.

1204. I don't think you get it.

1205. There's really no risk.

1206. Bobby and Lainie will always exist.

1207. Will I still like you?

1208. I mean, after, you know...

1209. I hope so. I don't know.

1210. I don't want to lose you, Bobby.

1211. I don't want to lose me either.

1212. Come on, you always said you liked adventure.

1213. Yeah, I know, but I'm not so sure about this.

1214. Please.

1215. I need you to do this with me.

1216. Okay.

1217. I'll do this with you

1218. if you promise me that after this you'll never bring it up again.

1219. Okay, I promise.

1220. Sweetheart, Joel was here looking for you.

1221. Great.

1222. Bobby, please, let's not cause a scene tonight, okay?

1223. I'll go with Joel and you go with Shelley. We can deal with all that later.

1224. But I need to be alone with you tonight.

1225. I told him I didn't know where you were.

1226. I gotta go.

1227. Look, we'll be alone after the dance, okay?

1228. Okay.

1229. Bobby.

1230. Yo.

1231. Tell him how nice he looks.

1232. No, you tell him how nice he looks.

1233. No, tell him what you told me.

1234. Oh.

1235. Son...

1236. Bobby, I just want to tell you that...

1237. what you said last night made us do a lot of thinking.

1238. You were right.

1239. We don't listen to your problems.

1240. Thank you.

1241. Tell him we'll try to do a better job.

1242. You heard what your father said.

1243. Yeah, I heard him. Listen, Mom,

1244. could you tell Dad that I love him and I love you too,

1245. and I'm gonna miss you both in a weird sort of way. I mean that.

1246. I got a dance to go to.

1247. I gotta go.

1248. When he comes back, will you ask him what he meant by that?

1249. This is terrific.

1250. I know you like it crunchy.

1251. Hey, what, are you nuts, man?

1252. - Shut up. - Joel

1253. Hey, Bobby.

1254. Hey, Keller, man, where's Lainie?

1255. Looking for you.

1256. I think you should talk to me. Come here, please.

1257. What was that all about?

1258. I don't know, but he's getting really trashed.

1259. They'll work it out.

1260. Look, it's not what you think. Ever since the accident—

1261. Hey, there are no accidents. Is that why you've been so frigid, huh?

1262. Now you owe me.

1263. - Stop it, Joel. - Hey, fuck you!

1264. - You can't even say it, huh? - You know, Joel, just hit me.

1265. It has nothing to do with Bobby. It was you, what you wanted.

1266. You don't give a shit about me. Well, I do. And I want out.

1267. No goddamn way. You're mine.

1268. Get off!

1269. - Hey! - What the hell are you doing, man?

1270. - Lainie, are you okay? - Get her out of here, go.

1271. Come on, come on, let's go.

1272. Watch out!

1273. - Relax, man. - I'm all right. I'm all right.

1274. Shit.

1275. Joel, Joel!

1276. Hey, pretty boy, what's happening?

1277. Faggot

1278. Come on, Lainie.

1279. Oh, gee, I'm sorry about that, Joel.

1280. You know, I shouldn't have told you I saw them together.

1281. - I guess I'm not a very good friend. - Hey, faggot, you're dead.

1282. You're goddamn dead!

1283. Me and my friends are having a little party tonight at the bridge.

1284. And I think you and you and all your little faggot friends ought to be there.

1285. - You're not so tough now, are you, Joel? - Faggot.

1286. Listen to me. Listen to me, all right?

1287. They're shit. They're nothing. Nothing, all right?

1288. All right, all right, all right.

1289. All right. All right, man.

1290. Wow.

1291. Shit's getting weird.

1292. Me, Dinger, this unbelievably looking guy, sitting out here,

1293. freezing my ass off in some butt-ugly red Mustang.

1294. Well, now— what time?

1295. I don't have a watch. I never had a watch.

1296. Why did I look at my wrist?

1297. Had a dance, dancing perfectly with a hot chick.

1298. She wanted me. I know she wanted me. Well, every girl wants me.

1299. I should be in Hawaii drinking a Piña Colada,

1300. looking at some Hawaii chick.

1301. "Hello, honey."

1302. Oh, here comes asshole.

1303. What did you get in there, man?

1304. Got a little more of this... and this.

1305. What are you— What are you gonna do with that, Joel?

1306. I'm gonna drink it.

1307. I know you're gonna drink that.

1308. What are you gonna do with the gun, Joel, the gun?

1309. Hey, I'm gonna join the party at the bridge, man,

1310. and the first guy that pisses me off gets a little surprise.

1311. Joel, come on, man. Don't you think that you're taking this thing

1312. - a little too far? - Get out of the car.

1313. Hey, look, man, I'm not trying to start shit with you.

1314. I'm your friend, Joel. I just— I don't want to see you go to jail.

1315. You know, jail, behind bars.

1316. Hey, he humiliated me, man, all right?

1317. Right? I'm not gonna let this shit slide.

1318. Look, man, I'm not gonna be responsible for this.

1319. All right, look, if I have to, I'll stop you.

1320. Hey, nobody's ever gonna stop me again, all right?

1321. Now get out! Out!

1322. - I'm not gonna get out of the car. - Get out! Get the hell out!

1323. - Don't, man. - Out! Out!

1324. Joel, man, what are you— Hey, man.

1325. Joel, come on, man.

1326. Wow, what a goddamn psycho.

1327. - Shelley. - Hi. Where's Lainie?

1328. She's at the dance with Joel.

1329. No, she left. Joel hit her and she left.

1330. - What? Why? - Joel hit her?

1331. - Yeah. - What happened?

1332. I don't know. All I know is she's with Bobby

1333. and it's pretty much all his fault.

1334. I feel silly.

1335. Come on. Come on.

1336. You promised me you'd do this. Just trust me.

1337. - Okay. - Trust me.

1338. - What are you morons doing? - What?

1339. Keller, where's the car? Come on, we gotta go now.

1340. Not now!

1341. What do you mean, not now, Bobby? You started this.

1342. - Started what? - Joel's going after Dumas.

1343. He's a big boy. He can take care of himself.

1344. I've got things to do.

1345. Oh, you have things to do?

1346. Great, so I shit on a friend for you?

1347. For what, Bobby? So you can walk away?

1348. He's got a gun. He's gonna kill him.

1349. We gotta go. I'll talk to him.

1350. All right, listen, Lainie, you stay here. I'll be back.

1351. No, I'm coming with you.

1352. Wait a minute, there she is.

1353. - Lainie, get in. You're going home. - No, mother.

1354. I said get in the car.

1355. I've already heard about that fight you were in.

1356. Get away from her.

1357. Young man, I don't want you to see my daughter anymore.

1358. - Lainie, get in the car. - Ron, could you—

1359. - Hey, stay back. - Let go of me.

1360. All right, listen, Lainie, go home with them.

1361. Don't cause a scene. I'm gonna be by the house later on.

1362. No, Bobby, you won't be coming by later.

1363. I'll be by.

1364. Don't fall asleep.

1365. - Be careful. - Come on, Lainie, let's go.

1366. Yo, Dumas. Hey, Dumas.

1367. - Joel, Joel. - Yo.

1368. Are you here alone, Joel?

1369. Yeah, I am.

1370. Now I thought you were smarter than that.

1371. I am.

1372. ' Gun! " Hey! Yo!

1373. Wait a second, boys. Man, it's a party.

1374. Who's got the chips?

1375. Lainie, if that boy comes, I don't want you talking to him.

1376. You don't say.

1377. Damn it, I'm tired of this attitude.

1378. I'm seriously considering moving us to another town.

1379. These kids, and especially that boy, are nothing but a bad influence.

1380. I mean, look at that fight you had at the dance.

1381. Now why did you have to provoke Joel like that?

1382. Yeah, I provoked Joel.

1383. I wouldn't let him screw me standing up on the dance floor.

1384. I should be committed for that.

1385. Mother, please. I'd love to see you move away.

1386. Damn it, Lainie, not in front of Ron.

1387. Oh, and another thing, Ron,

1388. I don't want you and my mother seeing each other anymore.

1389. What's that?

1390. Give it to her?

1391. I'm really sorry, Lainie.

1392. If that's what you really think, we'll respect your wishes.

1393. Come on, help me drink this thing.

1394. That way I can get out of here quicker

1395. and you can tolerate me a lot easier till I go.

1396. I'm sorry for being so obnoxious.

1397. It isn't you, it's just she's so relentless.

1398. Yeah, I know, but you gotta remember she means well.

1399. Joel, we're here.

1400. Don't do anything.

1401. Joel, I said I was sorry.

1402. What else? What?

1403. Hey, you guys can split, man, I'm having a lot of fun doing this shit.

1404. Come on, man, put the gun down.

1405. Just come with us. We're your friends.

1406. Dinger, if you were my friend, you would have come with me.

1407. Come on, man, you pushed me out of the car.

1408. Look, Joel, I hate Dumas too, but you can't kill him.

1409. Listen to them, man. They're your friends.

1410. All right, this whole thing is way out of control.

1411. Hey, Keller, you're not very high on my list right now, all right?

1412. Bobby, let us talk to him, man. Back off.

1413. No, you back off.

1414. All right, what are we all doing here, guys?

1415. What are we all here for? Because I kicked Dumas's ass?

1416. So what? Big deal.

1417. He kicked mine back. Even is even. Fair is fair.

1418. You guys don't seem to understand something.

1419. I have been living my life day by day for so long

1420. that I can't even remember why I hate Dumas or like Dinger.

1421. Twenty years from now, I'm gonna be sitting back

1422. and I'm gonna be thinking of my school friends

1423. and I'm gonna think of Dumas.

1424. Dumas was an asshole, but so what?

1425. We were still friends in school.

1426. Aren't I right? Aren't we friends?

1427. Let me get this straight, man:

1428. You go and steal my girlfriend and tell me who my friends are, huh?

1429. All right, I didn't steal your girl, okay?

1430. I know that it hurts. I know that.

1431. But that's okay. It's supposed to hurt.

1432. Life is too short, guys.

1433. You turn around, one second" barn! It's over.

1434. I mean, you spend too much time thinking about the things that you don't have

1435. and missing the things that you do.

1436. Why do we have to take something so far that it can't be taken back?

1437. I'll tell you why, because we're young.

1438. And when you're young, every little thing seems so big.

1439. Joel, you've got a gun.

1440. Do you understand that? You've got a gun, Joel.

1441. You're gonna shoot Dumas.

1442. And you're lucky it's not pointed at you, man, all right?

1443. - Oh, really? - Yeah, really.

1444. So you're telling me that you're so pissed off at me

1445. that this poor bastard is gonna die because of it?

1446. Well, maybe that gun is pointed in the wrong direction.

1447. Keller, man, shut up.

1448. No. Come on, why don't we all just make this real bad?

1449. Come on, let's see how far we can take it.

1450. Why don't we do that right now?

1451. Why don't you shoot Dumas in the eye?

1452. Or-or better yet, maybe this will make you feel good.

1453. Why don't you all beat the shit out of me?

1454. Come on, it'll make you feel good.

1455. You guys make me sick.

1456. I'm gonna go down by my car and I'm gonna drink a beer.

1457. If any of you assholes would care to join me, feel free.

1458. Hey, come on, Joel, man.

1459. Joel, come on.

1460. It's not worth it, man.

1461. It's not worth it.

1462. What the hell do you want?

1463. Miss Diamond, I gotta see Lainie right away.

1464. She was very upset, Bobby. She's resting.

1465. Resting? No, she can't rest. Please don't let her go to sleep.

1466. Either you leave or I'm calling the police.

1467. - No, I've got to see her. - Back up, pal.

1468. No. No.

1469. You're right. You're right.

1470. I'm sorry. I'm way out of control.

1471. I've had a bad night. I'm sorry.

1472. No! No! Wake up!

1473. Lainie, you can't sleep. Wake up.

1474. Gena!

1475. Lainie, Lainie, wake up!

1476. Lainie! Lainie, wake up.

1477. No!No! No!

1478. Oh, my God. Get him off! Get him off!

1479. - No! - Jesus Christ!

1480. No, no, no!

1481. What did he do to you?

1482. Bastard!

1483. Gena.

1484. Attention, pops.

1485. Your ride is slowly coming to an end.

1486. Please remain seated.

1487. And remember, faith isn't something you find,

1488. it's something you have.

1489. And you know that stuff I told you about losing Gena and all that?

1490. Well, I made it up.

1491. Sorry, but it did make for a great story. Heh!

1492. Want a cookie?

1493. I brought you your tea, but you looked like

1494. you were having such a lovely nap.

1495. Is something wrong?

1496. You really don't know, do you?

1497. Coleman, are you okay?

1498. I'm sorry, I'm a little out of it.

1499. I love you, though.

1500. Oh, Coley, I love you too.

1501. Are you gonna tell me about your incredible dream?

1502. No, no dream.

1503. - What's with the music? - I don't know.

1504. I just felt like listening to this.

1505. You're acting so strange.

1506. Why don't you go meditate?

1507. I don't think so.

1508. I think I'll go work in the garden.

1509. It's time for me to relax. I've earned it.

1510. I just want to enjoy life with you.

1511. You are the sweetest man.

1512. Coleman.

1513. Well, how?

1514. Faith.

1515. - I planted some new bulbs today. - Oh, I know. Thank you.

1516. Yeah.

1517. - Oh, dear. - What?

1518. It's okay. Go on through.

1519. You're welcome to use the property.

1520. Thank you very much, but we'll go around.

1521. No, please.

1522. No, that's all right. Maybe another day.

1523. The invitation's open, anytime.

1524. Well, thank you, but... have a nice day.

1525. You too, Bobby.