Downsizing (2017)

1. It gives me great pleasure to welcome the director of the Institute

2. and my old friend,

3. Dr. Andreas Jacobsen.

4. Thank you.

5. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Pereira.

6. Seventy-five years ago, Ms. Nellie Edvardsen,

7. overcome with guilt by the fortune

8. her late husband's family had amassed

9. producing mustard gas during World War I,

10. founded our Institute

11. so that the wonders of science

12. could instead be used to help mankind.

13. In the 1950s,

14. the Institute identified overpopulation

15. as mankind's single greatest long-term threat.

16. The cause of all the catastrophes

17. we are seeing today:

18. Extreme climate and weather events,

19. and the devastating impact on food and water security.

20. Among the many solutions we conceived so many years ago

21. one, which seemed then so ambitious,

22. so out of our grasp,

23. has finally borne fruit.

24. And today we are proud to unveil

25. what we fervently believe to be the only practical,

26. humane and inclusive remedy

27. to humanity's gravest problem.

28. My colleague, Dr. Jorgen Asbjornsen,

29. will now present his findings.

30. Are you ready, Doctor?

31. Yes, I'm ready.

32. Please take your seats.

33. Please sit down, ladies and gentlemen, please.

34. Please take your seats, ladies and gentlemen.

35. Thank you very much. Thank you.

36. Thank you, thank you.

37. Dr. Pereira, esteemed colleagues.

38. Five years ago, building on the research

39. of our predecessors at the Institute,

40. my team and I discovered a process

41. by which all organic material

42. can be reduced at the cellular level

43. by a ratio of approximately

44. 2,744 to 1.

45. Such a process converts a man of 1.8 meters

46. to just 12.9 centimeters.

47. A wide array of flora and fauna

48. were subjected in this process,

49. and, with the exception of some fish and shellfish,

50. absolutely no side effects were detected.

51. Please, lights.

52. Once the safety of the procedure was confirmed,

53. 36 brave volunteers joined my wife Anne-Helene and me

54. as the very first humans to undergo cellular reduction.

55. The process is short and painless,

56. with only the mild discomfort of

57. removal and replacement of dental and other prosthetics.

58. The subjects are placed under light sedation

59. and after a brief rest, fully recover within an hour or two.

60. Once completed, our little village,

61. just 7 meters by 11 meters,

62. was placed inside a gas-permeable enclosure

63. designed to protect us from the hazards of

64. weather, animals and insects.

65. Thus we set about to live together

66. in the world's very first self-sustaining community of the small.

67. I hold here in my hand

68. all of the uncompostable waste

69. produced by 36 people over four years.

70. In this afternoon's session, we will outline

71. our proposal for a two to three hundred-year transition

72. for the world to transform from big into small.

73. But for now,

74. I'd like you all to meet some very special people. Come.

75. Bravo!

76. And look, there is little Ronni Nestrud,

77. the first small baby ever born,

78. and his new little sister Ulrikke.

79. Jorgen Asbjornsen of the Edvardsen Institute,

80. himself now only 10 centimeters tall

81. and weighing just 18 grams,

82. explained the rationale behind the invention.

83. Wow!

84. That is wild, isn't it? Just wild.

85. Say, Holly?

86. You can go ahead and put the takeout order in. Thanks.

87. - Is that you? - Yeah.

88. You hungry?

89. I ate about an hour ago.

90. I didn't know when you were coming.

91. You knew I was bringing food.

92. I called you and asked you specifically, and then you go and eat?

93. Just a sesame chicken! I'm still hungry.

94. Did you see the news today?

95. - About the little Swedish man? - Norwegian.

96. Helen called to tell me to turn on the TV.

97. What won't they think of next?

98. Unbelievable.

99. Biggest thing since landing on the moon. Bigger!

100. I don't get it.

101. Why would anybody want to do that to himself?

102. They can shrink people down

103. and fly to Mars,

104. but they can't cure my fibromyalgia?

105. And all this fuss about the environment

106. as though the world's going to end tomorrow.

107. I'm in pain.

108. I can't breathe! Doesn't that matter?

109. Lots of people are in pain, Mom,

110. in all sorts of ways.

111. tingling?

112. - More like tingling. - Tingling, okay.

113. This downsizing thing is simply

114. runaway-train technology

115. that's having a devastating impact

116. on our world economy.

117. We're losing billions of dollars

118. in consumer spending already.

119. It's hurting us in construction, automobile,

120. housing and defense.

121. And then, of course, when we get to politics?

122. Israelis shrinking Palestinians,

123. African dictators shrinking rival ethnic groups.

124. Look, Ron, in any major transformation of society,

125. are there serious growing pains? Sure.

126. But at current mass and volume,

127. human life on Earth is unsustainable.

128. You know, that one guy makes a good point.

129. This family on my block just moved away to get small.

130. Now their house is just sitting there.

131. Making everybody's values take a dive is what they're doing

132. and just when I'm trying to refinance.

133. Marlene thinks I should do it just to lose the weight.

134. You and me both, buddy.

135. Hey, Dee, is that takeout order about ready?

136. Hey, honey, I brought food!

137. I'm not hungry.

138. What's wrong?

139. I have a splitting headache.

140. The store was super busy,

141. and Carla was a total bitch on wheels.

142. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

143. Here, let me do the neck thing.

144. Yeah, do the little neck thing.

145. Mmm.

146. Just relax, honey.

147. Let me take all the weight.

148. Okay, here is the beautiful formal living room

149. with the wonderful fireplace.

150. And come around here, and we have the

151. nice big breakfast area for the kitchen.

152. Big eating area.

153. And this kitchen is just a complete wow.

154. No, it's awesome. I just think

155. maybe we should look again at that place in Benson.

156. Come on, let's just check out the rest.

157. This is great in here.

158. Double oven, six-burner gas stove.

159. It's got this wonderful butler's pantry over here,

160. granite counter top...

161. - Oh, hey, Sean. - Oh, hey, Paul. How you doing?

162. Good.

163. - Do I look fat? - No, you look very handsome.

164. Anesthesiology, huh?

165. My wife says I put people to sleep even without the drugs.

166. I'm surprised you're still awake.

167. He uses that joke like twice a week.

168. - What's your field, Paul? - Occupational therapy.

169. - Okay. - Oh. Like career counseling?

170. Uh, no, it's just like physical therapy,

171. but focused on workplace injuries and rehab.

172. Repetitive stress, lower back, that sort of thing.

173. A lot of shoulder problems.

174. I'm in-house over at Omaha Steaks.

175. He does a lot of paperwork.

176. Yeah, well, I get a little carpal tunnel of my own

177. - from time to time. - Tell me about it.

178. Medicine these days is all about covering your ass.

179. Hey, Paul, weren't you pre-med down in Lincoln?

180. Good memory. Yeah, I put in two years.

181. Then my mom got real sick,

182. so I moved back to Omaha to take care of her.

183. I wanted to be a surgeon, actually.

184. You know, we might've ended up working together.

185. You could've been my anesthesiologist!

186. - How about that? - Yeah.

187. Oh, my God. No way.

188. Dave?

189. That's Dave! Dave Johnson!

190. And Carol!

191. I heard he was coming. I had no idea!

192. He never struck me as the kind of guy who'd go get small.

193. Wow!

194. - Hey, everybody. - Hi.

195. - Hope we're not intruding. - No.

196. Hey, Andy?

197. Could you get Carol a...

198. Gin and tonic.

199. a gin and tonic.

200. With lime.

201. With lime.

202. Well, actually,

203. we weren't planning on coming at all at first,

204. but then, you know, we started getting all the emails.

205. Plus my sister was having a lump removed.

206. She's fine, thank God, but I still needed to see her.

207. So what's traveling like?

208. How'd you guys get up here from New Mexico?

209. Oh, gosh, it's great! Yeah.

210. The airlines are getting more and more small-friendly.

211. All the seats are first-class.

212. So, after a couple of years in Florida,

213. we moved out to Vegas.

214. Yeah, I think that's the last time we talked.

215. Yeah. Well, Vegas wasn't such a good choice for me,

216. as it turns out.

217. Got into some real bad habits. Pretty much hit rock bottom.

218. I'll tell you, any other woman would've run for the hills.

219. But Carol, man, she's a saint. She stuck with me.

220. But I really had to come clean about everything.

221. I mean everything.

222. You know, almost.

223. So the decision to...

224. Well, that's the thing. We both needed a change.

225. Hit the reset button. Start all over.

226. Well, plus, it must feel good to know

227. you're really making a difference.

228. You mean all that crap about saving the planet?

229. Yeah.

230. Downsizing is about saving yourself.

231. It takes the pressure right off,

232. especially money pressure.

233. I'm just not driven and ambitious

234. like the rest of my family.

235. And now Carol and I, we live like kings!

236. I'm still living in the same house I grew up in.

237. Audrey's dying for us to move, but we're really strapped.

238. I mean, shit, I just finished paying off my student loans!

239. Yeah, well...

240. Listen, if you ever start thinking about it seriously,

241. here's my two cents.

242. There's a lot of small communities

243. cropping up out there,

244. but don't mess around.

245. Leisureland's where you want to be.

246. Best houses, best appliances, best doctors.

247. They book all the big concert tours.

248. Got all the great restaurants.

249. The kids love Cheesecake Factory

250. and Leisureland's got three of them.

251. And hey, I'm not just saying all this for the referral credit, just so you know.

252. I liked little Carol. She's got a lot on the ball.

253. She's reading books she's always wanted to read,

254. she's taking Italian.

255. - And she's never been fitter. - Well, they sure seem happy.

256. Dave says he's getting pretty good on the drums.

257. Next year they're taking the kids out of school

258. to spend six months at a sister city in Tuscany.

259. Cooking classes, yoga, wine tasting,

260. the whole nine yards.

261. Hi, Saf, Audrey. It's Milo.

262. Bad news.

263. Your mortgage application at First National bounced back.

264. The underwriter didn't like the income-to-debt ratios,

265. they're a little excessive.

266. I don't know if you guys can come up with

267. another ten, fifteen percent down?

268. If you could maybe boost it up a little bit...

269. I bet we'll be able to tell right away if it's for us or not.

270. Yeah, so let's not waste a lot of time.

271. Maybe if we get to Santa Fe early, we can get a massage.

272. Sounds good to me.

273. Welcome, everybody!

274. I'm Jeff Lonowski, Senior Product Specialist

275. and happy homeowner here at Leisureland Estates.

276. You having a good time?

277. Yeah.

278. Come on, guys. You're a heck of a lot bigger than I am.

279. Make some noise! Are you having a good time?

280. - Yeah! - Yeah!

281. That's more like it.

282. So, what do you think of my place?

283. Pretty nifty, huh?

284. It's the house of my dreams.

285. Heck, I'd say this is the house of anybody's dreams!

286. Why, an average guy like me

287. would have to work 20, 30,

288. maybe 40 years to afford a place like this,

289. if ever!

290. And just wait till you see what's inside.

291. Oh!

292. Jeff!

293. You've got to stop inviting guests over without telling me.

294. Oh, sorry, Laura. I was only...

295. I mean, I finally just got in the tub to relax after such a busy day.

296. Busy doing what, sweetheart?

297. Oh, no end of things.

298. First I took a tennis lesson and had a massage.

299. Nice.

300. And then after a gourmet lunch with the girls,

301. well, we couldn't help ourselves, so we popped

302. into that new Loget jewelry store downtown.

303. Uh-oh.

304. Loget? What's that gonna cost me?

305. Now, Jeff, you hush!

306. I was really good.

307. Just another diamond bracelet.

308. Just a diamond bracelet? That doesn't sound like you.

309. You're right. I don't like to break up a set,

310. so I got matching diamond earrings

311. and a matching diamond necklace.

312. All conflict free and set in platinum.

313. How much, Laura?

314. Aw, but, Jeff, they look so good on me, and you should see...

315. How much, Laura?

316. - Well, Jeff... - I said, how much?

317. Eighty-three dollars.

318. - Eighty-three dollars! Are you crazy? - Oh!

319. Why, that's practically our food budget for two whole months!

320. Putting it all together, if you liquidate

321. your current home, cars and other assets

322. and purchase the Regency-level estate,

323. remember, that's the 12,000-square-foot-equivalent home

324. on the 1.5-acre-equivalent lot

325. at a base price of $63,000.

326. Then the health and fitness package,

327. that's $4,500, you're going to want to get that.

328. It's gym, pool, sauna, steam, hot tub and a tennis court.

329. Then the medical procedures for two adults,

330. that's $15,000.

331. Wait, does insurance cover any of that?

332. No, but at the Regency level,

333. you qualify for a substantial discount.

334. And don't forget the federal tax credit.

335. - Right. Right. - All right?

336. So, taking a look at your current debt,

337. your retirement and your other savings,

338. you are at $152,000 in equity.

339. People, that is a very comfortable number.

340. Comfortable? That doesn't

341. - sound like nearly enough. - Yeah.

342. No. See, you have to look at this column, Audrey.

343. Equivalent value.

344. You're solidly inside the Blue Chip zone.

345. In Leisureland, your $152,000

346. translates to $12.5 million.

347. To live on. For life.

348. I mean, come on!

349. Wow.

350. Hold on. If this is such a good thing,

351. how come you haven't done it?

352. I would do it in a heartbeat!

353. But my husband had a hip replacement,

354. so he's ineligible.

355. So, what do you think?

356. Would the Regency level be your first choice?

357. Or should I show you something a little more deluxe?

358. Honey, why don't you just go ahead and pick?

359. I just want you to be happy.

360. That's a good husband. Take a look at this.

361. Hey, how much for the hot dog cooker?

362. Four dollars?

363. I'll give you a dollar.

364. Sold!

365. Keep up with the exercises, don't get lazy. Look.

366. I laminated it for you,

367. so you literally have no excuse not to do it.

368. Okay. Thanks, Paul.

369. - Thanks a lot. - You bet.

370. Maybe someday me and my wife

371. will get small and we'll come down to see you.

372. Well, I'd love that, but in the meantime...

373. - Okay? - All right.

374. Just 15 minutes every night. It'll change your life.

375. - Okay. Thanks, Paul. - See you, Dave!

376. We're here to wish Paul Safranek farewell as he moves on to Leisureland,

377. and we wish him nothing but the best.

378. Good luck to you and Audrey.

379. Thanks, Bob. Thanks, Bob.

380. And you guys didn't consider Treasure Island

381. out in Palm Desert?

382. Well, we checked it out, but...

383. I mean, I liked it all right, but Audrey thought they were

384. a little stingy with the amenities,

385. especially given what they were charging in monthly maintenance.

386. And I just turned to Paul and said,

387. "Okay, you win. Let's go for it."

388. We're just gonna miss you so much.

389. Gina, I'm gonna miss you, too.

390. Look, it's not like we're dying. Okay? We're just relocating.

391. And we'll be back at least once a year. Maybe more!

392. - Hi, Dad. - Hi, sweetie.

393. I'm sorry your mom couldn't bring herself to come,

394. but she sends her love,

395. and we're expecting you at the house tomorrow afternoon.

396. Glad you could make it, Larry.

397. - Hey, Paul. - What can I get you, Dad?

398. Um...

399. Look, why don't I... Here, you guys visit, I'll...

400. Beer.

401. - Just any beer. - Great. Okay, coming up.

402. I wish Mom weren't taking this so hard.

403. Well, you know your mother.

404. Frankly, I was a little skeptical about it myself at first.

405. Say, you remember Jerry Gross?

406. I called him the other day. He and Bev retired down there.

407. Did the whole shrinking thing you kids are doing.

408. He says they're getting along just fine. Never better.

409. He says he feels younger every day

410. and that a dollar buys a thousand dollars' worth of stuff.

411. Of course, they need that with all the medication Bev takes,

412. but, um, yeah.

413. No, I... I see the appeal.

414. Apparently, there's zero crime.

415. I keep telling your mother.

416. Yeah, it's very safe.

417. We worry.

418. When I was younger, and then I lost it.

419. Hey.

420. You guys are the ones getting small, right?

421. That's right. My wife and I.

422. Good for you.

423. No offense, but, um,

424. do you think if you're that small,

425. you should still have all the same rights as the rest of us normal-sized people?

426. I mean, like the right to vote?

427. - Why wouldn't we? - Oh, well, jeez, let's see...

428. You're not buying as many products,

429. you're not paying as much sales tax.

430. Some of you aren't even paying any income tax.

431. You're not really participating

432. - in our economy, are you? - Hey.

433. In fact, you're costing us money, and jobs.

434. Hey! That's enough.

435. We're just having a good time here.

436. Hey, I'm just asking a simple academic question.

437. You know what?

438. You guys should have a quarter of the vote at most.

439. That's pretty generous, don't you think?

440. - Why don't you have a seat? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

441. - Why don't you take a walk? - Cool your jets, big guy!

442. You know what? Maybe an eighth of a vote, in fact.

443. And you could use a little small, buddy.

444. Yeah, sit down.

445. Hey! Hey!

446. Can I get a normal-sized beer for a normal-sized guy?

447. I keep thinking I forgot something.

448. Moving to town, are you?

449. How's that?

450. I see you're moving to Leisureland.

451. You look like a nice young couple.

452. Thanks.

453. - Where you from? - Omaha.

454. Spokane.

455. Nervous?

456. Yeah, you know, a little.

457. Don't be. It's the best thing you'll ever do.

458. With your permission, I'm going to

459. record your answers to the following questions.

460. May I begin the recording?

461. - Sure. - Yeah.

462. Please state your full legal names.

463. Audrey Lustig Safranek.

464. Paul Norris Safranek.

465. And do you, Audrey Lustig Safranek,

466. and you, Paul Norris Safranek,

467. understand that,

468. of your own free will, you will undergo

469. the permanent and irreversible medical procedure

470. commonly known as "downsizing,"

471. and that following the procedure

472. your bodies will be approximately

473. 0.0364 percent of their current mass and volume?

474. Yep.

475. I'm sorry, Paul, I need a yes or no.

476. - Yes. - Yes.

477. Great. Thank you.

478. And do you give full consent to Gateway Medical Services

479. to administer the medical procedure

480. commonly known as "downsizing"?

481. - Yes. - Yes.

482. And do you understand that there exists

483. an approximately one in 225,000 chance

484. that the procedure could result in injury,

485. permanent disability, or death?

486. - Yes. - Yes.

487. Yes.

488. Safranek. Paul Safranek?

489. Yes.

490. - It's actually Safranek. - Safranek.

491. Come with me, sir. We're together.

492. Oh. Someone will escort you to the women's facility shortly.

493. You'll be separated for approximately five hours.

494. Following the procedure,

495. you'll be reunited in the recovery room.

496. Okay.

497. - So, this is it. - Yeah.

498. - I'll see you tonight. - Yeah.

499. I'll see you on the other side.

500. I love you.

501. I love you, too.

502. Okay, let's get you up here.

503. All clear!

504. Aye, we got some real fat ones this time.

505. Hey, how's everybody doing today?

506. Hey, Miss Joyce! Doin' good. How you doin'?

507. Me, I'm great. Just getting ready for the weekend.

508. I see you've decided to join us.

509. Is this... Is it over?

510. Welcome to Leisureland. Can you tell me your name?

511. - It's Paul Safranek. - Okay, good.

512. I bet you're hungry.

513. Oh, my God.

514. Isn't that cute? People just love that.

515. I'll bring you a real snack in a moment.

516. Thanks.

517. Um, I think my wife is supposed to be here with me.

518. - What's her name? - Audrey Safranek.

519. Let me see.

520. We do have an Audrey Safranek scheduled for today,

521. but I don't show her transferred over yet.

522. She's probably just held up in dental. I'll go check.

523. Okay. Thank you.

524. Mr. Safranek, you've got a call.

525. Oh. Thank you.

526. Hello?

527. - Paul? - Oh, Audrey. Thank God!

528. Where are you, honey?

529. Don't be mad at me. Please don't be mad.

530. It's hard enough as it is.

531. What's hard? Wait. What are you talking about?

532. Oh, Paul, they shaved my head!

533. And then they started shaving my eyebrows,

534. and I just thought,

535. what am I doing?

536. I can't leave my family. I can't leave my friends.

537. - I'm sorry, Paul, I just can't. - Where are you?

538. Are you at the airport?

539. Don't hate me.

540. Please don't hate me.

541. Okay, okay. Take it easy.

542. Just get in a taxi and come back

543. and we'll talk about this, okay?

544. We'll go back to Omaha

545. and we'll think this through together.

546. Wait...

547. You're not leaving me here?

548. Can't you understand how I feel? I feel terrible!

549. I let you down, I feel awful!

550. But then I realized I was just doing this because

551. I was trying to make you happy,

552. and I should have been thinking more about myself.

553. Thinking about yourself? Thinking about yourself?

554. You know you haven't even asked me how I am?

555. Don't yell. Don't yell at me or I'll hang up.

556. Do you have any idea what I have been through today?

557. Audrey, if you don't come back here right now...

558. And see you all small?

559. I'm upset enough already!

560. You're upset? You're upset?

561. I'm the one who's five fucking inches tall!

562. I was sure sorry to hear Mrs. Safranek couldn't make it today.

563. - Safranek. - Safranek.

564. Well, it's not a half-bad idea

565. to scout things out and get everything ready for her.

566. The net blocks a lot of UV rays,

567. but you still might want to put your hat on.

568. And any time you want to go somewhere,

569. you just hop in one of these bad boys.

570. And if they're in short supply,

571. well, you can always share.

572. It's fun to share.

573. I know I've met some super people that way.

574. Just super!

575. Yeah. Isn't that something?

576. Over to your right there,

577. in that big white oval building,

578. is one of our seven sports centers.

579. That's the one that houses

580. the largest indoor skiing facility in the world.

581. You know, relatively speaking.

582. And up ahead we have Lake Chester.

583. Look familiar?

584. The Barrington. My sister's got one. She loves it!

585. Well, sir, here is the key to your kingdom.

586. Welcome to the good life.

587. Oh, they stock the kitchen with standard items,

588. but one thing I should warn you about is the dairy.

589. Takes a while for your stomach to adjust

590. to the milk and cheese, so go easy on it.

591. Something about bacteria.

592. And be careful about the hot water.

593. It's on one central system

594. and they got that cranked really high.

595. Surprised they haven't had a lawsuit yet.

596. Oh! But you didn't hear that from me!

597. Thanks, Matt.

598. You're a nice guy.

599. And, Paul?

600. Thanks for helping the planet.

601. Fuck!

602. Safranek?

603. That's me.

604. Okay!

605. And now to the United States, where for many years,

606. both the Department of Homeland Security

607. and the Immigration and Naturalization Service

608. have been warning about the ease

609. with which downsized people,

610. from illegal immigrants to potential terrorists,

611. could penetrate U.S. borders.

612. Last week's discovery in Eugene, Oregon,

613. provided new evidence to support that claim.

614. Brian Fakler brings us up to date.

615. This Target is just one of thousands

616. of big box stores around the country

617. that import almost a million tons of goods weekly,

618. most of it from Asia.

619. Last week, workers here in Eugene opened a suspicious TV box

620. and discovered 17 downsized stowaways from Vietnam,

621. 14 of them already dead,

622. two more dying hours later at a local hospital.

623. On Friday, the lone survivor, a woman named Ngoc Lan Tran,

624. was transferred to a hospital at Leisureland Estates in New Mexico,

625. widely considered the country's top medical center for the small.

626. Doctors were forced to amputate a portion of an infected leg,

627. and today her condition is described as fair but stable.

628. According to a statement

629. from the Department of Homeland Security,

630. Miss Tran claims to have been jailed

631. for her political and environmental activism

632. and was miniaturized against her will in a Vietnamese prison facility.

633. If true, this would bolster claims by human rights groups

634. that repressive governments around the world

635. are forcibly downsizing political undesirables.

636. So, do we need to review any of the terms of the settlement?

637. No.

638. It's all pretty clear.

639. I really wish you'd taken her first offer.

640. I know.

641. All right, well, if you could just step back a little.

642. Don't want you to get hurt.

643. Um...

644. As large as you can, please.

645. Nice weather down here.

646. Turned real cold back in Omaha.

647. Uh-huh.

648. Wind chill.

649. Hey, Paul.

650. Thanks, man. You were right.

651. Raising my monitor really did the trick.

652. My neck feels better, there's no more tingling in my arm.

653. I would have never made the connection.

654. That's great. I'm really glad I could help.

655. Thank you for calling Lands' End. My name is Paul.

656. How can I help you today?

657. Ciao, bello!

658. Hi, Carol.

659. Hey, pal.

660. Why the long face, huh?

661. Look around you, buddy. Life is good!

662. I made a mistake, Dave.

663. Biggest mistake of my life.

664. I should've stayed where I was.

665. Hey, hey, hey.

666. Look, I know divorce can put a pretty big dent

667. in anyone's self-esteem.

668. And what Audrey did to you was beyond the pale.

669. I mean, I hate her.

670. I barely know her.

671. You may not hate her, but I hate her guts.

672. You? You just got to get back in the saddle, that's all.

673. Yeah, maybe someday.

674. If you want my advice,

675. single moms is the way to go.

676. They got the whole kid thing out of their system,

677. and they just want to party.

678. No, that's okay.

679. And if you don't want an emotional connection,

680. which is understandable, you can just...

681. Well, we have all sorts of ways you can have a good time

682. down here, no strings attached.

683. Just put it on the old credit card.

684. No, I'm good. Really.

685. Okay, yeah.

686. In fact, I started seeing someone.

687. Oh, yeah?

688. Single mom, actually.

689. Mmm-hmm.

690. Now we're talking! Good for you.

691. Paul, this is so good.

692. Thanks.

693. The recipe called for chervil,

694. but you can't get chervil here yet.

695. - So I used dill. - Mmm.

696. Well, whatever it is, it's super yummy.

697. It's the little things, you know?

698. I mean, except for there being no birds or insects,

699. you'd think we're in the normal world.

700. And then something happens, and you realize we're not.

701. Not that substituting dill for chervil is that big a thing,

702. but you know what I mean.

703. Like last month, my parents came down to visit Jonah and me.

704. - Mmm-hmm. - And it's this whole production with the carrying boxes

705. and, of course, Jonah gets freaked out

706. - by Grandma and Grandpa being so huge and scary. - Mmm.

707. One night they took us out for dinner at Fleming's.

708. - You know, real nice. - Mmm-hmm.

709. And Jonah and I are sitting on the table in those special seats,

710. and the big people wouldn't stop staring at us.

711. Plus, the restaurant brags about how small people are welcome,

712. then they charge a huge minimum!

713. They should charge big people extra.

714. They're the ones dragging down the world.

715. I know. Big people look at us like we're freaks.

716. They're the freaks!

717. Oh, did you hear about all that gas being released

718. in Antarctica from the ice?

719. The methane?

720. I haven't really been following the news that much lately.

721. Apparently, it's a big deal.

722. Scientists are saying the more the ice melts,

723. the more methane comes out,

724. making more ice melt.

725. Apparently, we're already way beyond the tipping...

726. It's my upstairs neighbor.

727. It's the strangest thing.

728. There wasn't a peep for months.

729. I don't even think he was here.

730. And then suddenly it's party, party, party.

731. I had to call security the other night.

732. Dusan!

733. Hey, Dusan!

734. Dusan!

735. Yes?

736. You mind turning down the music?

737. I'm trying to have a quiet evening down here.

738. - Hello, my friend. - Hello, Dusan.

739. May I come in?

740. Certainly.

741. So, listen, Pete...

742. Paul.

743. - Paul. And Kristen. - Paul.

744. - Ah. Hello, Kristen. - Hi.

745. I'm sorry I'm disturbing your nice little dinner.

746. Listen...

747. As I was saying, Paul,

748. I'm having one more, you know,

749. little party at my place tonight.

750. Not big like last time. Very small.

751. Just a few close friends.

752. No!

753. Is that a rose?

754. - Yeah. - A real rose?

755. Where'd you get a real rose?

756. It's a new store. Full-Sized Flower Mart.

757. How much they charge you for this?

758. Dusan! Dusan!

759. Anyway,

760. as I was saying,

761. Paul, if tonight noise disturbs you,

762. just come upstairs, talk to me.

763. Don't make big show like last time,

764. yelling like crazy man.

765. We're neighbors. Neighbors are friends.

766. What's better even, come to the party.

767. Thanks, but like I said,

768. we just want to have a quiet dinner.

769. Just try to keep it down, okay?

770. Yes, darling. Of course.

771. Thanks for a really nice time.

772. Plus the cooking and all.

773. Sorry I have to leave so early, but, you know, the sitter.

774. Yeah! Yeah, no, I...

775. Up one floor.

776. Yeah, one more.

777. Gracias. Gracias.

778. Anyway, uh...

779. I was hoping Sunday we could bring Jonah.

780. I'd love to meet him.

781. Yeah. Maybe.

782. - Is something wrong? - No.

783. You're a wonderful guy, Paul,

784. and I really enjoy hanging out with you.

785. Uh-huh.

786. But if I'm honest about how I'm feeling,

787. it might be too soon for me.

788. It's fine, I get it.

789. - No... - I get it. No, it's fine.

790. I just mean if we're bringing Jonah into it.

791. Have a nice night.

792. No, uh...

793. Paul!

794. A rose!

795. Paul!

796. You come!

797. And you bring the rose.

798. As a peace offering.

799. Oh! Look, everyone!

800. This is Paul, my neighbor, and look at what he brings me.

801. A real fucking rose!

802. Do you think any of these other ungrateful sons of bitches

803. think to bring something to Dusan?

804. No. You're the only one. I like you.

805. Look, I know I said it's only a little party,

806. but I make two, three phone calls to very close friends, look what happens.

807. Everybody comes!

808. There's nothing else to do in this fucking city after 10:00.

809. Now, this I do not understand.

810. It's not as if so many people have work in the morning.

811. This is the worst trait about small people.

812. They're lazy.

813. Not all. Not all. But lazy.

814. Like this lazy son of a bitch.

815. Konrad.

816. What's that you're saying about me?

817. What lies are you telling?

818. Just that in small world no one wants to work!

819. What did you expect?

820. That's the wonderful thing about becoming small.

821. Because you're immediately rich.

822. Unless you're very poor. Then you're just small.

823. - Konrad is sea captain. - Oh.

824. Never more than ten meters away from his boat.

825. I do like my boat.

826. There she is. Sonja, my beauty.

827. You see, I'm from many generations,

828. all the way back to my grandfathers,

829. my father, all sea captains.

830. So, what brings you to Leisureland?

831. Dusan.

832. He even convinced me to become small.

833. Mostly for the women and the parties.

834. And, frankly,

835. my wife had all the money.

836. And after she left, things became a bit tricky.

837. I can relate.

838. It's quite wonderful to be small, don't you think?

839. I'd say it has its pluses and minuses.

840. Next week I'll be in the Seychelles.

841. And two weeks after that,

842. I'll be sailing with friends for a month on Lake Titicaca.

843. Can you believe I've never been to Lake Titicaca?

844. And how does the boat get from place to place?

845. I mean, you can't sail it.

846. FedEx, my dear boy.

847. Sonja travels faster than I do!

848. How'd you get a tiny harpsichord down here?

849. I didn't. I had to have it made.

850. Wow.

851. Who is that?

852. - Who's that? - Yeah.

853. That's Little Ronni.

854. That's Little Ronni?

855. The first small baby ever born, back in Norway.

856. Holy shit, that's Little Ronni!

857. Yeah. You should go talk to him.

858. Sorry, uh... Sorry, excuse me.

859. Is it true you're Little Ronni?

860. Well, maybe not so little anymore,

861. but, yeah, that's me.

862. Wow!

863. - Would it be cool to get a selfie? - Yeah, man. Get in here.

864. Awesome. Thank you so much.

865. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

866. Wow.

867. Thank you, so are you.

868. What is that?

869. No, I need to know. I have allergies.

870. Wait! Wait.

871. Okay.

872. I'm gonna take off my shoes.

873. Having fun?

874. Enough with the fucking doorbell.

875. Good morning, Mr. Dusan.

876. We come clean for you.

877. So you had fun last night, yeah?

878. You didn't know you were so lucky

879. to have exciting neighbors such as me.

880. Well, I've never been to a party like that.

881. There were so many Europeans.

882. Did you know Little Ronni was here? I mean, he is historic!

883. And boring.

884. Good-looking dumb Norwegian guy

885. goes around the world having sex with everyone.

886. Women, men, hermaphrodites,

887. dogs, goats, monkeys.

888. He'll be the first small baby to die of syphilis.

889. But, yeah, okay, historic.

890. Well, apparently, he still lives

891. in the original colony, you know, over in Norway.

892. I've always wanted to see that.

893. It's all right.

894. You've been there?

895. Yeah. I go once or twice a year.

896. Konrad, too. We make business there.

897. Very good business.

898. Must be something to see.

899. You know you can't even get pictures of it online?

900. Yes, my friend. The world is filled with things to see.

901. I don't know you, Paul, but I like you.

902. I like you very much.

903. And my advice is,

904. get out of this disgusting little fucking apartment and open your eyes.

905. Don't be so American.

906. You're nice guy, Paul.

907. But you're a little bit pathetic guy.

908. Last night you dance, you laugh,

909. but inside you cry.

910. Who are you to talk to me that way?

911. I'm Dusan Mirkovic, your neighbor.

912. Neighbors are friends.

913. Friends tell friends the truth.

914. Okay, maybe sometimes I'm a little bit asshole,

915. but the world needs assholes.

916. Otherwise where would shit go out?

917. Dusan, bye.

918. Thank you.

919. When I think of big people becoming small,

920. all the new small cities in the world,

921. I see opportunity.

922. I ask myself, "Dusan,

923. "why do people, they want to become small?"

924. To help the environment? Please!

925. They become small to have the things

926. which until now were only for the rich.

927. Which, by the way, is the genius of the concept.

928. So I say to my brother, Srdan...

929. I work with my brother.

930. He's still big.

931. My wife, too, by the way.

932. I say, "Why not bring very special items,

933. "luxury items, to the small consumer?"

934. The things that nobody else is thinking to bring.

935. Such as?

936. Well, Cohiba Esplendido. Cuba. Best cigar in the world.

937. How much you pay for this when you're big?

938. 45, 50 dollars?

939. When you're small, I sell you this cigar for one dollar.

940. And from this one Cohiba, we make about 2,000 cigars.

941. Okay, maybe they're not actually made in Cuba.

942. Maybe they're rolled by little Albanians

943. in Bujanovac, but who cares?

944. And this is just one thing.

945. There's perfume and cologne,

946. brandy, port, Calvados, truffles, caviar.

947. Is all that legal?

948. Baby, this is Wild West.

949. Who has time chasing after

950. some fucking Serbian guy five inches tall

951. over a few cigars and some wine?

952. My brother and I are now in seven small cities

953. around the world. Seven!

954. Paul, listen.

955. Anything you want, I can get for you.

956. Anything, anytime.

957. Excuse me a minute.

958. Hello.

959. Can I talk to you for a minute?

960. "Na-pro-sien." What this do?

961. Naproxen. It's an anti-inflammatory.

962. - It's for pain and swelling. - Ah.

963. And this one? What this one do?

964. Well, Vicodin. That's also a painkiller.

965. But you want to be really careful with that one.

966. Painkiller? Painkiller good.

967. Listen. This is not my apartment,

968. and I'm sure you're probably in a lot of pain,

969. but you shouldn't steal pills.

970. I no steal.

971. They too old, no good.

972. Mr. Dusan, he say me okay I take away thing.

973. Pill for sick friend.

974. Okay. I finish now. Bathroom clean.

975. Well, whatever's wrong with your "friend,"

976. I can see that you have a really, really bad prosthetic foot.

977. I'm sure it's causing you pain in your right hip and knee,

978. probably your other knee, your lower back.

979. How you know these thing? You a doctor?

980. Occupational therapist.

981. Wait a minute. I know you.

982. You're the... Oh, my God!

983. You're that woman from a couple years ago,

984. the dissident,

985. from Thailand or something? What's your name?

986. Tran Ngoc Lan. Vietnam.

987. Tran Ngoc Lan from Vietnam. Yes, that's right!

988. And I remember that you lost your leg below the knee.

989. That's... That's you.

990. Wow.

991. Dusan...

992. Hey, do you know who this is here?

993. Of course. The famous Ngoc Lan Tran.

994. Dramatic escape from Vietnamese prison,

995. almost died so now she can clean my house.

996. America. Big land of opportunity!

997. Push up. Push again. Push, push, push.

998. Okay, that's it. Now take your heel back towards you.

999. Even harder if you can.

1000. Even... Yeah.

1001. Yeah.

1002. Put your hand right here.

1003. Feel that, okay?

1004. Feel that crunching? You hear it?

1005. That's arthritis. That's already pretty bad.

1006. Paul?

1007. You're full of surprises.

1008. You can do this, but you work shit job answering phones?

1009. When I moved down here, I didn't think I'd be working,

1010. so I let my license expire,

1011. and now I'd have to get it in a whole other state.

1012. It's a boring story.

1013. I hate to say it,

1014. but if you don't do something pretty soon,

1015. you're going to need a new knee.

1016. Maybe even a new hip.

1017. You've got to go to a specialist as soon as you can

1018. and get a whole new foot.

1019. In the meantime,

1020. I could make some adjustments on the existing prosthetic

1021. and maybe give you some pointers on how to walk better.

1022. I just hate to see you needlessly suffer after all you've been through.

1023. Okay. I finish work, you come with me.

1024. No, I could get my tools. I can do it right here.

1025. No. I say you before. My friend sick, need pill.

1026. You come with me my house, help her.

1027. You help her.

1028. I don't think I was clear.

1029. I can help you with this, but I'm not a doctor,

1030. so your friend, whatever's wrong with her,

1031. she's got to go to a clinic or a hospital.

1032. No! Clinic no good.

1033. I bring her clinic, wait too long time.

1034. Stupid doctor say no help for her. No do nothing!

1035. He no good stupid doctor in big world, now he small.

1036. You come with me.

1037. You come with me now.

1038. Uh...

1039. Come.

1040. - You live near here? - No, still far.

1041. Maybe we should grab a car.

1042. No need car. Take bus.

1043. If you don't mind my asking,

1044. you were so famous a couple years ago.

1045. I mean, everybody was talking about you.

1046. I just would've thought you would be

1047. giving speeches or writing books.

1048. How'd you wind up cleaning houses?

1049. Need money for live.

1050. After TV box, I stay hospital so long time.

1051. Almost die.

1052. Then three host family. But too much problem.

1053. Leisureland people too selfish.

1054. Better I live only me, work job,

1055. make money. Easy.

1056. Hey! You! Come!

1057. Come!

1058. You!

1059. Come on! No time for baby dream.

1060. May I ask how high we're going?

1061. - Seven floor. - Seven?

1062. - Can we use the elevator? - No elevator.

1063. Take the shoe.

1064. Hola, Gladys.

1065. This lady Gladys. Gladys my friend.

1066. She very sick.

1067. Gladys, how you feel?

1068. Como estas? Como estas?

1069. I bring food for you.

1070. I bring doctor. This man doctor.

1071. This lady Gladys alone. No have nobody.

1072. Husband die Mexico when they make small.

1073. Stupid people forget take the gold from the teeth.

1074. Head explode.

1075. - What? - Husband head explode.

1076. Head explode! From teeth.

1077. She come alone, no money.

1078. I meet her, she housekeeper first host family.

1079. Rich Leisureland people. Now she sick, no more work.

1080. Okay, you take care for her.

1081. I can't do anything for her.

1082. That woman is really sick. It looks like she might die!

1083. Oh, yeah, she die soon.

1084. Cancer. Cancer all over stomach.

1085. I be with her she die. Most bad thing die alone.

1086. Come on. Be like doctor.

1087. Make her feel good.

1088. Hola, senora.

1089. Which pill most good for her?

1090. I have no idea.

1091. But you know thing.

1092. Which pill most strong?

1093. Percocet.

1094. Yes, Percocet. Very good for pain.

1095. How much? Two? Four? Five? How much?

1096. Try two.

1097. Two? This lady very sick. Pill old.

1098. We give four.

1099. Gracias, doctor.

1100. Have you tried to move her every couple hours,

1101. so she doesn't get bedsores?

1102. We should probably do that.

1103. Go. There you go. Okay.

1104. See? You know thing.

1105. Thank you, Mr. Dusan friend. You help Gladys good.

1106. Okay. Well,

1107. let's make those adjustments.

1108. If you just want to slip off your foot.

1109. No, no foot. I tired.

1110. You go away. I stay with Gladys, you go away now.

1111. - Really? I mean... - I tired. You go away.

1112. Okay.

1113. Some other time, I guess.

1114. I just don't know when I'm gonna see you again.

1115. Thursday. You come Thursday, okay?

1116. - Thursday morning you come fix leg. -00.

1117. Thursday at 10:00.

1118. My name's Paul, by the way. Paul Safranek.

1119. Let's see...

1120. The extra-large is available in

1121. glacier, pebble, tulip, cayenne, moss and aubergine.

1122. Cayenne? Is that like red?

1123. It's... It's a brownish red. It's more like brick.

1124. No, I don't like brick.

1125. Do you think moss is pretty?

1126. You know, I don't know, lady.

1127. Why don't you just pick a color, please?

1128. Don't be short with me!

1129. What did you say?

1130. Hi.

1131. Shoe.

1132. Where's Gladys?

1133. Oh, she die.

1134. No. Oh...

1135. I'm so sorry.

1136. I think maybe I give her too much pill.

1137. Anyway, she die very happy, smiling.

1138. - Okay, you fix foot now. - What?

1139. You do quick.

1140. Must clean house soon, one hour. You do quick.

1141. Quick!

1142. Oh.

1143. Thank you, very nice.

1144. You finish soon, okay? I very busy.

1145. I'm getting there.

1146. I guess you like butterflies.

1147. Butterflies?

1148. Yes, I like very much.

1149. When I little girl, my father,

1150. he take me, my sister go see butterfly.

1151. Near my village they live in the tree.

1152. You know,

1153. they fly cold place to hot place every year.

1154. Stay tree, then go away, come back.

1155. Migrating butterflies.

1156. - Yes. - That sounds beautiful.

1157. How do you say "butterfly" in Vietnamese?

1158. You miss your village?

1159. No more village.

1160. Government make the people go away, put water all over.

1161. All over everywhere! Too much water.

1162. Too much water?

1163. Big water for make electricity.

1164. Oh, a dam.

1165. Yes, dam. They make dam.

1166. Many village no more.

1167. That's why I go prison.

1168. Me, my sister make protest.

1169. - Big protest. - Uh-huh.

1170. Well, where's your sister now?

1171. She die prison.

1172. Too cold, chest fill up bad. She die.

1173. - What happened? - Nothing.

1174. Just give me a minute.

1175. - What you do? - No, nothing, nothing.

1176. You stupid man!

1177. You needed a new foot anyway. We'll get you a good one.

1178. Is that so hard to understand?

1179. - Jesus! - No say Jesus bad way.

1180. Now I'm supposed to watch my language?

1181. You're worse than my mother.

1182. I feel sorry for your mother.

1183. I sure she suffer too much for your fault.

1184. Not do so fast!

1185. Vacuum cleaner need time same direction clean good.

1186. And you can take these.

1187. These are samosas from a couple of days ago.

1188. Thank you, yes. I take all these.

1189. Oh! I think this is saag paneer.

1190. It might be a little bit old.

1191. Oh...

1192. In prison we die for such food.

1193. Okay. Not too many leftover entrees today,

1194. but I threw in lots of baked potato soup.

1195. Thank you, Roger.

1196. There you go.

1197. Hey, you finally got yourself a helper, huh, Ngoc Lan?

1198. This Paul. He break my foot.

1199. How'd you manage that, buddy?

1200. It's a long story. We're sorting it out.

1201. He stupid!

1202. Hola, Señor Cardenas.

1203. Okay. Over here. This way.

1204. Oh, that looks really painful.

1205. I bet that's ringworm,

1206. which I don't know how to say in Spanish.

1207. But ringworm is a fungus, so you want it dry.

1208. And I'll see if I can pick something up

1209. at the drugstore and bring it for him tomorrow.

1210. Yes, you bring.

1211. Okay, next. Let's go.

1212. - Let's go! - I'm coming.

1213. Take care for him.

1214. - See you next time. - Gracias.

1215. So that's it? We go home now?

1216. Now we go church pray Jesus.

1217. You come back tomorrow, pick me up 8:00.

1218. Yeah, okay, I'll be here.

1219. Good morning, Mr. Dusan.

1220. We come clean for you.

1221. Answering telephones was not dignified enough for you.

1222. Now you progress to cleaning toilets.

1223. I love you, Paul.

1224. I really love you. You're such a funny guy.

1225. Hilarious.

1226. Like I said, you're too much a nice guy

1227. and a little bit pathetic guy.

1228. It's just until she gets a new foot.

1229. - When will that be? - I don't know. The doctor said

1230. a month, maybe six weeks.

1231. - That's an eternity. - I know!

1232. Meantime, she's stuck with a peg leg,

1233. which is almost as bad as having nothing at all.

1234. I mean, look at her!

1235. She's waddling around like a goddamn pirate.

1236. Paul! You no talk with Mr. Dusan.

1237. You go upstair with Veronica.

1238. - Paul! - I heard you.

1239. Don't worry, Paul.

1240. Dusan will save you.

1241. Wow.

1242. Yeah, Miss Tran, take everything.

1243. Mr. Konrad and I are leaving day after tomorrow

1244. and don't know when we'll be back.

1245. Okay, good. Thank you.

1246. Paul, Mr. Dusan say I take all the food.

1247. You go find me big box.

1248. In a minute.

1249. First there's something very important to discuss.

1250. Me?

1251. This is the situation.

1252. I don't know exactly what,

1253. but something big, very big,

1254. is happening at the original small colony.

1255. You know, the one in Norway.

1256. They want me to go there right away

1257. with a very important delivery.

1258. It's too complicated to explain.

1259. Top secret and very urgent,

1260. but most important, they are offering us very big money.

1261. Very big.

1262. And that means

1263. we need extra help to do this quickly, make them happy

1264. and, I'm sorry to say, we need the same excellent helper

1265. who's currently helping you.

1266. Him.

1267. That's right, Ngoc Lan.

1268. I have to go with these guys to Norway.

1269. So you say

1270. Paul go with you Norway?

1271. That's the situation.

1272. - Emergency situation! - And deeply humanitarian.

1273. I mean, Ngoc Lan, I will

1274. be able to help when I get back 100%,

1275. and when you get the new foot, and...

1276. You leave Wednesday?

1277. Yes.

1278. And how long you go?

1279. Ten days, maybe more.

1280. Okay. Yes, Norway.

1281. I go Norway, too.

1282. No, no, no. Not you.

1283. Only Paul.

1284. I go Norway, too. Paul, you help me on the trip.

1285. But you're very busy here

1286. with humanitarian activities on your own.

1287. And your cleaning business!

1288. Veronica and other ladies know every place.

1289. They do for me, I pay them good.

1290. No problem I go.

1291. Norway colony people invite me so many time,

1292. but I never go.

1293. Feel so, so guilty!

1294. They so nice people.

1295. What?

1296. Who invited you?

1297. When I hospital so long time after TV box,

1298. people all over world

1299. send me happy card, flower, candy.

1300. Make me feel good.

1301. So many letter.

1302. One letter very special I never forget.

1303. From Jorgen Asbjornsen.

1304. You got a letter from Jorgen Asbjornsen?

1305. Dr. Asbjornsen write me.

1306. Say he feel so, so bad I suffer for he fault.

1307. He say he painful.

1308. He never think make small so bad for people.

1309. Dr. Asbjornsen letter make me feel so good,

1310. I write letter, too.

1311. Say now first time I happy be small.

1312. He say me make trip go Norway any day.

1313. But I too busy.

1314. Always too busy.

1315. Now Jesus give me special gift go Norway.

1316. Thank you, Mr. Dusan. Thank you, Mr. Konrad.

1317. Yes. I go Norway, too.

1318. So happy!

1319. Thank you special time.

1320. Paul, look.

1321. This Jorgen Asbjornsen and he wife.

1322. Oh, my God. Jorgen Asbjornsen?

1323. Hello.

1324. - It's just such an honor. - Hello, hello.

1325. See, Paul?

1326. Jesus smile for me.

1327. I say Paul I want visit Norway only for meet you.

1328. It's true.

1329. - I'm Anne-Helene. - Hello.

1330. Please sit. Join us.

1331. Thank you.

1332. We're watching the world go by.

1333. Sounds great.

1334. You have no idea how terribly grief-stricken

1335. we were by Miss Tran's case.

1336. Jorgen has lost so much sleep over all the abuses.

1337. It's humbling, huh?

1338. Nature is such a patient sculptor.

1339. Grinding a tiny bit

1340. each day, slowly, slowly, for thousands of years,

1341. to make such a supremely beautiful thing.

1342. What a waste.

1343. What a dreadful waste.

1344. You'll have to excuse Jorgen.

1345. These past few days has been especially hard.

1346. Such a big decision to make, and so quickly.

1347. Normally, when we visit the colony, we like to spend

1348. a few days in Henningsvar, but then the news came.

1349. And...

1350. Yeah, well, here we are, suddenly imposing on you.

1351. We scarcely had the time to pack.

1352. I'm sorry, wait, what news?

1353. Why, the methane release in Antarctica.

1354. You must know about the methane.

1355. Yeah.

1356. That's not new, is it? I mean...

1357. New or old,

1358. it's the end.

1359. It's the end of everything.

1360. The world has already seen five major extinctions,

1361. and now there will be another.

1362. I didn't want to believe it, none of us did,

1363. but there we were in Helsinki, big and small:

1364. Climatologists, bacteriologists,

1365. demographers, physicists, immunologists.

1366. Twenty-six Nobel Prize winners among us.

1367. We built all the models, did all the math

1368. and our conclusion was consistent.

1369. Homo sapiens will soon vanish from the Earth.

1370. It is now an actuarial certainty.

1371. No matter how the end will come,

1372. environmental disaster,

1373. pandemic disease, unbreathable air,

1374. impotable water,

1375. not enough food, nuclear winter,

1376. some combination of them all,

1377. relatively soon the Earth will

1378. indeed purge itself of human life

1379. and God knows how many other species.

1380. Do you really mean extinction?

1381. What about downsizing?

1382. Yeah, yeah, too little too late.

1383. Only 3% of the world has miniaturized.

1384. There simply isn't enough time.

1385. Not a very successful species, these Homo sapiens,

1386. even with such great intelligence.

1387. Barely 200,000 years.

1388. Alligator has survived 200 million years

1389. with a brain the size of a walnut.

1390. People have been predicting

1391. the end of the world for thousands of years.

1392. Now it's really happening.

1393. I guess somebody had to be right someday.

1394. So sad.

1395. Very sad.

1396. Okay, I go sleep now. Good night, Paul.

1397. Good night, Ngoc Lan.

1398. - You okay? - I fine.

1399. You know, maybe I should take a look at your leg.

1400. Okay. Yes, you look.

1401. Ah, yep.

1402. Wow.

1403. That peg is really making the skin chafe.

1404. Okay.

1405. You know,

1406. if somebody had told me 10 years ago

1407. that one day I'd be five inches tall and divorced

1408. helping a famous Vietnamese dissident get a new foot

1409. while cruising up a fjord in Norway

1410. discussing the end of the world

1411. with Jorgen Asbjornsen,

1412. I'd have said he was crazy.

1413. I'm sorry.

1414. I'm sorry, I thought...

1415. Jesus, I'm such an idiot.

1416. No.

1417. Please. I want.

1418. Good morning.

1419. Good morning.

1420. What's that sound?

1421. A greeting.

1422. Wow! That's it. That's the original colony!

1423. What, and there's no net? No walls?

1424. No, we've been lucky.

1425. We are too close to the sea for the mosquitoes.

1426. And over the years we realized that the birds,

1427. they prefer the lemmings.

1428. But, yes, this is where we started

1429. many years ago.

1430. George, good to see you.

1431. Good to see you. Welcome, welcome.

1432. No, no...

1433. Jorgen!

1434. Anne-Helene!

1435. Oh, thank God you're here! Why didn't anyone tell me?

1436. Oh!

1437. I love you so much!

1438. I love you both so much.

1439. Ever since the decision,

1440. I didn't feel right without you here.

1441. And you know how I am when I worry.

1442. I can't eat, I can't sleep.

1443. Ask anyone here, they tell you.

1444. Sorry to interrupt, Jorgen,

1445. but we need your advice. Immediately.

1446. Yes. Excuse us, Solveig.

1447. Of course, darling.

1448. You've got important things to do.

1449. Oh! Dusan, Dusan, Dusan!

1450. Bless you for coming so quickly.

1451. Solveig, my darling.

1452. I'm always happy to help in difficult times,

1453. in easy times, in happy times.

1454. It's always a pleasure to come and visit you

1455. and your lovely village.

1456. - It is lovely, isn't it? - Oh.

1457. I can't bear to think I won't see it again.

1458. You know, I'm the one who made

1459. this colony possible in the first place.

1460. I've been coming since I was just a baby.

1461. I remember one time...

1462. Wait. I know you.

1463. You were in my dream last night!

1464. You were a horse, or a pony.

1465. Something very strong!

1466. And I mounted you

1467. and rode you through a dangerous forest.

1468. - Okay. - And here you are,

1469. right before we leave.

1470. Another miracle!

1471. You are coming with us, aren't you?

1472. Where are you going?

1473. In there.

1474. Would you like to see?

1475. Where this go?

1476. To the vault!

1477. - The vault? - Oh, yes.

1478. We've been working on it

1479. almost since the very beginning.

1480. When Jorgen made his big discovery,

1481. I said, look, Jorgen, you're a genius

1482. and downsizing is a genius idea,

1483. no one is questioning that,

1484. but what if people don't accept it?

1485. What if it doesn't come out on time?

1486. Anyway, this is what they came up with.

1487. On my suggestion.

1488. Torvald, be a sweetheart

1489. and give our friends a little tour.

1490. Oh, sure.

1491. The tunnel leads to a vault 1.6 kilometers

1492. inside the Earth's lithosphere

1493. and is encased in a double layer of Inconel 625.

1494. In addition to maintaining

1495. a broad spectrum of biodiversity,

1496. the vault is equipped with fields for growing foods,

1497. forests for lumber,

1498. livestock for animal husbandry...

1499. The residential areas are spacious

1500. and easily expandable

1501. to provide for future generations.

1502. Wait, but... That's not all underground.

1503. Oh, yes.

1504. Our new small size makes it possible.

1505. Otherwise we never could have dreamed

1506. of preserving so much of the world

1507. in a single safe place.

1508. This is brilliant!

1509. I mean, isn't this brilliant? It's like Noah's Ark!

1510. Yes, exactly.

1511. It's Noah's Ark.

1512. So, what do you do for power? Is it nuclear?

1513. No, no, 100% geothermal.

1514. And we have interoperable organic systems

1515. to manage production of artificial sunlight,

1516. oxygen, CO2 elimination, water purification, and so on.

1517. And how long will you stay down there?

1518. Torvald, how long is it?

1519. 8,000 years?

1520. Well, something like that.

1521. Just until the surface environment stabilizes.

1522. It's not unprecedented

1523. what we are doing here.

1524. Less than 100,000 years ago,

1525. humans underwent a near extinction.

1526. Maybe 2,000 survived.

1527. And from that handful

1528. came all of the billions of people you see today.

1529. Rebooting the species. It's nothing new.

1530. Yeah, exactly.

1531. My friends.

1532. Many years ago,

1533. when we discovered cellular miniaturization,

1534. the world which had seemed so doomed

1535. felt suddenly so full of possibilities.

1536. So, until very recently,

1537. I maintained hope

1538. that the contingency plan we embark upon tomorrow

1539. could remain simply that.

1540. A plan.

1541. But

1542. history has spoken.

1543. And this is our final dinner in the place we called home

1544. for so many years.

1545. Yes, we are sad to leave.

1546. And terribly sad for the reasons why.

1547. But man

1548. is too beautiful,

1549. too improbable a lifeform

1550. to be allowed to disappear forever from the cosmos.

1551. Now then,

1552. I would like to ask the surviving members

1553. of the original colony to stand.

1554. Ah, look at him.

1555. Little Ronni.

1556. How he has grown.

1557. I ask you again, as I asked you so many years ago.

1558. Generations to come,

1559. perhaps all of humanity will thank you

1560. for your bravery and commitment.

1561. But you must ask yourself

1562. whether you are truly ready to enter a new world,

1563. for there will be no turning back.

1564. Are you ready?

1565. Is everyone ready?

1566. We are ready! We are ready! We are ready!

1567. Paul!

1568. Yeah.

1569. Can you come down here?

1570. Where you go? I look many place for you.

1571. I was just here.

1572. I talk with Mr. Dusan.

1573. He say fat lady pay, he ready go back.

1574. I happy for that.

1575. Too long time away from Señor Cardenas and Mrs. Lopez.

1576. Oh, I worry too much for them.

1577. Ngoc Lan, you can't just be

1578. worried for a few little people

1579. thousands of miles away.

1580. You have to look at the big picture.

1581. Why you say like this?

1582. Well, because Mr. Cardenas and Mrs. Lopez,

1583. they don't stand a chance.

1584. None of us do.

1585. It's over.

1586. You want go with them.

1587. And I want you to come with me.

1588. You crazy man!

1589. Always I know you stupid, now I see you crazy, too!

1590. How am I crazy? You heard them.

1591. This is the only chance for the survival of our species.

1592. That's huge!

1593. You want to help people?

1594. These are the people that you should be helping.

1595. The future of humanity is down that hole!

1596. Who you help down there?

1597. People here need help, not down stupid hole.

1598. Mr. Dusan! Mr. Konrad!

1599. Talk to crazy Paul.

1600. He want go down hole, me go with him!

1601. Paul, Paul, Paul.

1602. Why you want to do such a silly thing?

1603. Dusan, these people are actually trying

1604. to do something to save the human race.

1605. I want to be a part of that.

1606. Okay, fine. You want to help,

1607. then do what I did, give them a semen sample.

1608. I did it, too.

1609. A much more pleasant way to help.

1610. If I'm not supposed to be a part of this thing,

1611. then what am I doing here?

1612. Why didn't I become a doctor?

1613. Why did I downsize? Why did my wife abandon me?

1614. Dusan, how did you just happen to be my neighbor?

1615. And, Ngoc Lan, why are you the only person

1616. who survived that box,

1617. and you just happen to be

1618. cleaning Dusan's place on that day?

1619. And had you not lost your leg,

1620. I wouldn't have tried to help you,

1621. which, as usual, I screwed up.

1622. And why did I screw it up?

1623. So that I could be here, right at the exact moment

1624. to go down into that tunnel.

1625. I finally have a chance to do something that matters!

1626. Paul, come on, now you talking crazy.

1627. These people, they're wonderful, but...

1628. - It's like a cult. - It's a cult!

1629. And the extinction, it's not gonna happen

1630. for, you know, maybe a few hundred years.

1631. Has nothing to do with you. Forget it.

1632. Besides, you think they won't behave

1633. like people always behave?

1634. They're all going to go insane

1635. down there and kill each other.

1636. They go extinct long before we do.

1637. Don't worry, darling.

1638. He said it himself.

1639. Nothing he ever wants to do works out.

1640. It's a beautiful day, huh?

1641. I mean, knowing this is the last time

1642. I'll see the real sun, it makes it so

1643. vibrant.

1644. I ask you question. You say me true, okay?

1645. Of course.

1646. Other night on boat,

1647. what kind of fuck you give me?

1648. What?

1649. What kind of fuck you give me?

1650. What kind? I... I don't...

1651. American people, eight kind of fuck.

1652. Love fuck, hate fuck, sex-only fuck,

1653. break-up fuck, make-up fuck, drunk fuck,

1654. buddy fuck, pity fuck.

1655. Okay, I have no idea where you heard that, but...

1656. Third host family.

1657. Okay, that is just wrong.

1658. There's a whole spectrum of emotions and motivations.

1659. And don't say "fuck." It's vulgar.

1660. Say something else. Like, you know,

1661. "make love," or something. I don't know.

1662. So, was love fuck?

1663. Okay, what is this all about?

1664. You look for me, you want help me,

1665. you make fuck with me.

1666. Now you go down stupid hole.

1667. So I try to think

1668. what kind of fuck you give me.

1669. I think maybe pity fuck. For leg.

1670. No. No. Ngoc Lan,

1671. I care about you, deeply.

1672. You are

1673. such an extraordinary person,

1674. and I just admire you so much.

1675. More than anything.

1676. I want you to come with me.

1677. People always say me I strong.

1678. Okay, maybe Vietnam

1679. I organize many protest,

1680. survive two year prison, punish me make small.

1681. I only person survive TV box.

1682. I walk around, no foot. Take care for other people.

1683. But I woman. Feeling.

1684. I'm sorry. I really am.

1685. It's so easy for me to see who you are.

1686. But if I don't do this, who am I?

1687. I mean, really, who am I?

1688. You Paul Safranek!

1689. You good man!

1690. Look, Ngoc Lan, butterflies!

1691. I guess this is it.

1692. Konrad.

1693. Very nice to have met you.

1694. Pleasure was mine.

1695. Good luck in there, Paul.

1696. Take care of yourself.

1697. I will.

1698. You, too.

1699. I will miss my funny neighbor.

1700. Your Bible.

1701. But it's in Vietnamese.

1702. Words not matter.

1703. Remember me.

1704. You go away now.

1705. Excuse me.

1706. Hi. Uh, is it just me, or are we walking uphill?

1707. Yes. Prevents flooding.

1708. - Tunde. - Oh, hi. Paul.

1709. It's just a few hours climb

1710. before we begin the descent to the vault.

1711. Well, how long is the whole walk?

1712. Eleven hours, something like that.

1713. See you down there. Stay hydrated.

1714. Wait!

1715. No, wait.

1716. Thank you so much.

1717. - Wait, my bag. No, no, no. - Leave it!

1718. I told you nothing ever works out for this guy.

1719. It's going to blow. Run!

1720. Paul!

1721. Ngoc Lan!

1722. I was thinking about what you were saying.

1723. And I realized you were right.

1724. I am Paul Safranek.

1725. And what you were asking?

1726. It was a love fuck.

1727. And to think

1728. one day, all of this...

1729. Now maybe you understand little bit

1730. how I feel after survive TV box.

1731. When you know death come soon,

1732. you look around things more close.

1733. Wait here. I'll be right back.

1734. I want go, too. I want see Rosa new baby.

1735. No, see the baby tomorrow. It's pouring!

1736. Hurry.

1737. Don't forget, we still need go see

1738. Philippine man, take care for his arm.

1739. I know. Stop obsessing, will you?