1. All students leaving
for the College at Sea program...Copy !req
2. please meet at the student union.Copy !req
3. Booker!Copy !req
4. Hey, wait up!Copy !req
5. Booker!Copy !req
6. Booker!Copy !req
7. - Booker.
- Heh.Copy !req
8. I've been lookin' all over for you.Copy !req
9. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
10. Rachel, I have something
I have to say to you before I leave.Copy !req
11. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
12. OK, let me go first.Copy !req
13. All right.Copy !req
14. Listen, I'm gonna be away
for months on this cruise.Copy !req
15. I know.Copy !req
16. Rehearsing the play,
seeing the world.Copy !req
17. I'm a young man.Copy !req
18. I gotta be free.Copy !req
19. You understand, right?Copy !req
20. No.Copy !req
21. I'm breaking up with you.Copy !req
22. Now, what were you gonna say?Copy !req
23. I just signed up to work backstage.Copy !req
24. I'm going on the cruise, too.Copy !req
25. So what does "X" equal?Copy !req
26. Who's your daddy?Copy !req
27. OK, everyone, let's take it
from the top of Act Two.Copy !req
28. Look at them.Copy !req
29. College cruise indeed.Copy !req
30. More like an excuse to drink
themselves into oblivion...Copy !req
31. and engage in lewd behavior.Copy !req
32. Despite my best efforts...Copy !req
33. I'm afraid our students are only
receiving an education in slacking.Copy !req
34. Now, Dean Dryer,
they're only college students.Copy !req
35. Kids'll be kids.Copy !req
36. Personally I'm looking forward
to the student-written play competition.Copy !req
37. Uhh! Ohh.Copy !req
38. I don't expect there
to be much competition.Copy !req
39. Woodson University
is a fine institution...Copy !req
40. and they've sent us
some of their best students.Copy !req
41. What about the students
from Billingsley University?Copy !req
42. Those kids are a pack of drugged-out
sex-obsessed idiots.Copy !req
43. They'll be lucky
if they can get through their play...Copy !req
44. without killing someone.Copy !req
45. That was awesome.Copy !req
46. You know, that lamp's supposed
to be a prop for the play.Copy !req
47. Oh. Does the play need a bong?Copy !req
48. Hey.Copy !req
49. See you there.Copy !req
50. Ho ho. Rusty.Copy !req
51. You're for abstinence?Copy !req
52. Wait a minute.Copy !req
53. "Abstinence Support Group"?Copy !req
54. Heh. I thought I was signing up
for the Huge Penis Club.Copy !req
55. Uh-huh.Copy !req
56. 'Cause I have a huge penis.Copy !req
57. Bye-bye.Copy !req
58. It's a burden, really.Copy !req
59. "Yes, sir.Copy !req
60. "We'll call an ambulance." Yeah!Copy !req
61. "No, sir. It's not...Copy !req
62. "Yes, sir."Copy !req
63. No, sir.Copy !req
64. - Ho! Oh!
- Ohh!Copy !req
65. Oh! Violet!Copy !req
66. Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you OK?Copy !req
67. I'm OK, Newmar. Are you OK?Copy !req
68. Oh, yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
69. - Ouch.
- Oh, so sorry.Copy !req
70. I was just in the zone running my lines.
I'm so clumsy.Copy !req
71. You're clumsy, but cute.Copy !req
72. I'm so glad Robin cast you in the play...Copy !req
73. and we got to meet.
It must have been fate, huh?Copy !req
74. Hey...Copy !req
75. I love you, Violet.Copy !req
76. I love you, too, Newmar.Copy !req
77. I called my mom at the last port,
and I told her that you may be the one.Copy !req
78. You told your mom
that we were gonna have sex?Copy !req
79. Marriage, Newmar.Copy !req
80. Is sex all you ever think about?Copy !req
81. What? No, I...Copy !req
82. Anyway, Olga and I just finished
setting up our meeting...Copy !req
83. for Abstinence Is Awesome.
Isn't that exciting?Copy !req
84. Yeah. Super.Copy !req
85. Aw, that's why I like you
so much, Newmar.Copy !req
86. You're so supportive.Copy !req
87. Anyway, I gotta go.Copy !req
88. Uh, see you at rehearsals later.Copy !req
89. Bye.Copy !req
90. What's it been, man, two months?Copy !req
91. Still no sex?Copy !req
92. Three.Copy !req
93. Hey, listen. She wants you.Copy !req
94. It's in there hiding.Copy !req
95. Yeah?Copy !req
96. All girls want sex.Copy !req
97. Rachel was a virgin
when we started dating...Copy !req
98. but then it was like
lettin' a tiger out of the cage.Copy !req
99. Move it, jerk.Copy !req
100. All right, everyone,
let's complete the run-through.Copy !req
101. Let's take it back from Marla's line again.Copy !req
102. It was supposed to be mine
after the divorce...Copy !req
103. but my husband's lawyers
are a slippery lot.Copy !req
104. Booker!Copy !req
105. What?Copy !req
106. Oh. Sorry.Copy !req
107. What about shoes?Copy !req
108. Heh. We don't have any of those
in your size, big guy.Copy !req
109. But I'll, uh... I'll definitely pick some up
when I go to port.Copy !req
110. Do you know where my hat is?Copy !req
111. Sorry.Copy !req
112. That's not right.Copy !req
113. More, more. Move it back more.Copy !req
114. Brady, where's my hat?Copy !req
115. How the hell should I know?Copy !req
116. Now that's too far. Move it stage left.Copy !req
117. Stage left? What the difference...Copy !req
118. between stage left and left?Copy !req
119. Gerri, I've hooked it up
with half the chicks on this boat.Copy !req
120. It's getting boring.Copy !req
121. When are you and me gonna happen?Copy !req
122. I'll say never.Copy !req
123. But, Stuky-Poo,
if I decide I want gonorrhea...Copy !req
124. you'll be the first guy I call.Copy !req
125. I am an expert on
carbonaceous deposits...Copy !req
126. which have crystallized...Copy !req
127. into metastable dodedahecron...Copy !req
128. or diamonds.Copy !req
129. Five bucks says she drops it again.Copy !req
130. Hmm.Copy !req
131. I have...Copy !req
132. Uhh.Copy !req
133. Oopsie.Copy !req
134. I'll have a look.Copy !req
135. Oops. Sorry.Copy !req
136. Nice one!Copy !req
137. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
138. Oh, don't worry. After you broke
the first three, she got a whole box.Copy !req
139. I am staring at the statue, Mike.Copy !req
140. You are pointing it at the fireplace.Copy !req
141. Fireplace?Copy !req
142. Hey, Dante, did you move my hat again?Copy !req
143. I wouldn't move it if you'd stop putting it
on the prop table.Copy !req
144. It's not a prop. It's a costume.Copy !req
145. I put it there so I know where it is.Copy !req
146. Stop movin' my fuckin' hat!Copy !req
147. Rusty, get off the stage.Copy !req
148. Can we just start the scene over again?Copy !req
149. You know what? Let's move on.Copy !req
150. Rusty, stay right there.Copy !req
151. We need to work on your problem scene,
so let's start with the big speech.Copy !req
152. Oh, but, Robin,
I always mess that speech up.Copy !req
153. That's why we need to work on it,
so you don't mess it up.Copy !req
154. Can we just cut it?Copy !req
155. Start the scene.Copy !req
156. - Ohh!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
157. Sorry, everybody. My bad.Copy !req
158. Jesus, that could've killed me!Copy !req
159. Sorry, Marla. Didn't mean to kill ya.Copy !req
160. Is everyone OK? Are you OK? Brady!Copy !req
161. It was Mike. He's a dumbshit.Copy !req
162. Deal with this.Copy !req
163. Right. Mike, you're a dumbshit.Copy !req
164. Shut up.Copy !req
165. Find a safety chain or something
to keep these lights in place.Copy !req
166. We perform for the judges tomorrow.Copy !req
167. Everyone, remember
the other play performs tonight.Copy !req
168. We should all be there.Copy !req
169. Do you need us
to move anything off the stage?Copy !req
170. No. Apparently they don't need a set.Copy !req
171. It's po-mo, post-modern.Copy !req
172. In the future?Copy !req
173. God, I'm sick of this stupid play.Copy !req
174. I thought that I'd get laid here.Copy !req
175. I'm not a picky man, Booker.Copy !req
176. I'll take anything with a vagina.Copy !req
177. Last night, I tried to fuck a porthole.Copy !req
178. Rusty.Copy !req
179. I saw your name on the sign-up sheet.Copy !req
180. That's great you support abstinence.Copy !req
181. I didn't know you were a virgin.Copy !req
182. Ahh! Keep it on the D.L., will ya?Copy !req
183. - OK.
- You're right.Copy !req
184. It's truly the one thing I keep sacred.Copy !req
185. Rusty, you're a virgin?Copy !req
186. Wow. What a shock.Copy !req
187. You know, there is a difference...Copy !req
188. between saving yourself for marriage...Copy !req
189. and just being too lame to score.Copy !req
190. I think the meeting is gonna be fun.Copy !req
191. Abstinence Is Awesome.Copy !req
192. Tweedleslut and Tweedledum,
you two ain't virgins.Copy !req
193. If I didn't have a D.U.I. already...Copy !req
194. I'd drive a bus through your v-jays.Copy !req
195. Getting arrested last year...Copy !req
196. was the best thing
that ever happened to us.Copy !req
197. Yeah, the best.Copy !req
198. It was in our court-mandated drug rehab...Copy !req
199. that Lynne and I realized
we needed to change.Copy !req
200. We've become born-again virgins.Copy !req
201. We know you're not for abstinence, Rusty.Copy !req
202. We're watching you.Copy !req
203. Yeah, mister.Copy !req
204. Eyes wide shut. Humph.Copy !req
205. Why are you going
to Violet's support group?Copy !req
206. Isn't that kind of, you know,
counterproductive to getting laid?Copy !req
207. Are you kidding?Copy !req
208. These girls are about
to snap at any second...Copy !req
209. and I wanna make sure I'm around
when it happens.Copy !req
210. God! Why is she hanging out with Stukas?Copy !req
211. He's such an asshole.Copy !req
212. What do you care? You dumped her.Copy !req
213. I know. I can't stop thinking about her.Copy !req
214. Ohh! You still like her!Copy !req
215. No, I don't. Shut up.Copy !req
216. Yeah, you do! You love her!Copy !req
217. Ow! He loves you, Rachel!Copy !req
218. - Ow!
- Dude, shut...Copy !req
219. Ow!Copy !req
220. Thank you for coming
to Abstinence Is Awesome.Copy !req
221. - Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
222. Whoo, yeah!Copy !req
223. Ah, wonderful!Copy !req
224. Just great! Yeah!Copy !req
225. Yes!Copy !req
226. There's a lot of pressure
for us women to give it up.Copy !req
227. You have movies, magazines, television...Copy !req
228. music videos, the internet.Copy !req
229. People are having cybersex.Copy !req
230. I mean, we can't give in to temptation.Copy !req
231. We have to stay strong.Copy !req
232. - Yes!
- Whoo!Copy !req
233. Yes!Copy !req
234. Whoo!Copy !req
235. Marla, Lynne, would you like to share?Copy !req
236. - Yes.
- Thank you, ladies.Copy !req
237. As you know, recently Lynne and I
became born-again virgins.Copy !req
238. Hallelujah. Yes!Copy !req
239. But it wasn't always easy.Copy !req
240. I mean, there were times that we...Copy !req
241. we gave in to temptation.Copy !req
242. Yeah.Copy !req
243. A lot.Copy !req
244. It's so easy to lose control.Copy !req
245. Yeah, like when you plan on
only giving a guy a blow job...Copy !req
246. and it's just so much fun
that you end up sleeping with him.Copy !req
247. We have to resist these male advances.Copy !req
248. That's why from here on out...Copy !req
249. I am carrying a rape horn.Copy !req
250. Me, too!Copy !req
251. OK. Thank you, ladies.Copy !req
252. Now for a male perspective.Copy !req
253. Rusty, why did you decide
to save yourself for marriage?Copy !req
254. Well, Violet, I just want...Copy !req
255. my first time...Copy !req
256. to be, uh...Copy !req
257. really, really special.Copy !req
258. You know, like, uh...Copy !req
259. on a cruise ship.Copy !req
260. With, uh, the tropical breeze...Copy !req
261. in cabin one hundred twenty-six...Copy !req
262. where I'll be today from 6:00 to 7:00.Copy !req
263. Thank you. Thank you, girls.Copy !req
264. That is so sweet.Copy !req
265. Rusty, is that why you're in this group...Copy !req
266. so that you can try to score?Copy !req
267. Rusty, is that what you're planning?Copy !req
268. Well, now that you bring it up...Copy !req
269. aren't any of you virgins as horny as I am?Copy !req
270. I mean, I... I do.Copy !req
271. I... I wanna do it.Copy !req
272. I do, and I want it to be dirty.Copy !req
273. And I mean, why shouldn't I?Copy !req
274. Why shouldn't you when everyone else
on Earth is doing it?Copy !req
275. I'm fallin' off the wagon here, girls.Copy !req
276. I need some group support!Copy !req
277. Let's have an orgy!Copy !req
278. Rusty!Copy !req
279. Uh...Copy !req
280. look, this ship...Copy !req
281. could hit an iceberg and sink tomorrow.Copy !req
282. And then how would you feel...Copy !req
283. knowing that you didn't live your life
to the fullest?Copy !req
284. Now...Copy !req
285. who wants to have sex with me?Copy !req
286. All right, I've heard enough.
Let's put it to a vote.Copy !req
287. All in favor of ejecting Rusty,
raise your hand.Copy !req
288. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
289. Ejaculate him!Copy !req
290. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You cockblocking fascist.Copy !req
291. This will not stand. Motion to strike...Copy !req
292. - Wai... whoa!
- Raah!Copy !req
293. This is a photograph I took
a mere nine months ago...Copy !req
294. during my appraisal
of the famous Pharaoh's Heart...Copy !req
295. the legendary jewel of Araby...Copy !req
296. one of the largest
and most beautiful diamonds in the world.Copy !req
297. Actually, this is
the last photograph taken of the jewel...Copy !req
298. before it was stolen.Copy !req
299. Now, I imagine the thief to be feeling...Copy !req
300. pretty happy right now with his grab...Copy !req
301. because I estimate that this jewel
is worth in excess of...Copy !req
302. what should we say, Mr. Hanson?Copy !req
303. Uh, uh...Copy !req
304. twenty million?Copy !req
305. I wonder, however,
if the thief is also aware...Copy !req
306. that the diamond carries with it a curse.Copy !req
307. I understand you were initially a suspect...Copy !req
308. in the disappearance
of the Pharaoh's Heart.Copy !req
309. Yes. Well, of course it's only natural...Copy !req
310. that Interpol would follow any logical lead.Copy !req
311. However, I don't imagine
I'd still be teaching here...Copy !req
312. if I were an international jewel thief.Copy !req
313. Did you need something, Dean Dryer?Copy !req
314. Oh, no, no. Just passing by.Copy !req
315. I like to keep an eye on things.Copy !req
316. Well, since the diamond's rediscovery
eighty-six years ago...Copy !req
317. it has been stolen
on no less than fourteen occasions...Copy !req
318. and on every occasion, the thief
has turned up very dead soon thereafter.Copy !req
319. Do you think the curse is real,
Professor Cavendish?Copy !req
320. My dear students...Copy !req
321. I have seen many wondrous,
strange things in my travels...Copy !req
322. but a curse?Copy !req
323. Black magic?Copy !req
324. Well, at any rate, if there is a curse...Copy !req
325. then the current thief should be
turning up dead soon enough.Copy !req
326. Uhh.Copy !req
327. Ah, tonight I'll be saying good-bye to you...Copy !req
328. my beautiful Pharaoh's Heart.Copy !req
329. But I'll be saying hello to twenty million.Copy !req
330. Wow. So you, like, wrote this thing?Copy !req
331. - Mm-hmm.
- That's awesome.Copy !req
332. You know, I'm... I'm totally, totally, like,
into plays and shit.Copy !req
333. Then you should definitely come
tomorrow night.Copy !req
334. It's completely student-produced.Copy !req
335. Robin, I have an emergency,
serious play business.Copy !req
336. Whoa.Copy !req
337. Man.Copy !req
338. What, Dante? What's wrong?Copy !req
339. Man, that was a close one.Copy !req
340. I think that guy
might have been hitting on you.Copy !req
341. You said there was
an emergency, Dante. What...Copy !req
342. Yes. Uh, the candlesticks for the table...Copy !req
343. which color do you want?Copy !req
344. That's it?Copy !req
345. Jesus, you scared me.Copy !req
346. Ask Wang. He's the prop master.Copy !req
347. Heh. Right.Copy !req
348. Uh, way to delegate, Robin.Copy !req
349. I-I'm totally committed to this play.Copy !req
350. Man, Captain Bunkley's wife is hot as shit.Copy !req
351. She looks familiar, too.Copy !req
352. I feel like I know her from somewhere.Copy !req
353. - Well, I know her.
- Yeah?Copy !req
354. In the Biblical sense.Copy !req
355. You telling me
you boned the captain's wife?Copy !req
356. She's nasty, man, total slut for it.Copy !req
357. You're so full of shit.Copy !req
358. Ms. Daniels.Copy !req
359. We missed you in class today.Copy !req
360. Isn't there some way
I can make up the credit?Copy !req
361. Oh, I'm, uh... I'm sure
we can work something out.Copy !req
362. Please, why don't you come on in?Copy !req
363. You know, some might consider it
a trifle inappropriate...Copy !req
364. a student visiting a professor in his cabin.Copy !req
365. Oh, yeah? Well, I wonder
what they would say about... this?Copy !req
366. That's a good start on your extra credit.Copy !req
367. This has been
the greatest semester of my life.Copy !req
368. And when the cruise is over
we won't have to hide anymore.Copy !req
369. We can explore Egypt and Rome.Copy !req
370. I'll show you the world.Copy !req
371. This is Captain Bunkley speaking.Copy !req
372. There's been a change in our course.Copy !req
373. Instead of stopping
at Desoro Negros tonight...Copy !req
374. we'll be moving on
and docking at San Paradiso.Copy !req
375. That is all.Copy !req
376. Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, my dear...Copy !req
377. but I'm afraid I have to be going.Copy !req
378. Why? W-what's happening?Copy !req
379. Vroom, vroom.Copy !req
380. Vroom, vroom.Copy !req
381. Bunkley!Copy !req
382. Captain Bunkley, g... whoa.Copy !req
383. Well, uh, pardon the interruption...Copy !req
384. but I had specifically requested...Copy !req
385. that we stop at Desoro Negros.Copy !req
386. Well, there are
some very important ruins there...Copy !req
387. that I would like to study.Copy !req
388. Professor Cavendish, I appreciate...Copy !req
389. this isn't just a teaching trip for you...Copy !req
390. that you're making
an archeological tour of these islands...Copy !req
391. but I've recently been informed...Copy !req
392. that the ruins at Desoro Negros
are not very spectacular.Copy !req
393. Apparently the only thing
of any real interest...Copy !req
394. is a thriving black market for stolen goods.Copy !req
395. Oh, really?Copy !req
396. I had no idea.Copy !req
397. Now, we don't want
to expose these students...Copy !req
398. to a situation like that.Copy !req
399. No, of course not.Copy !req
400. Hmm.Copy !req
401. Dude, I'm so dominating you right now.Copy !req
402. Oh, really, dude?Copy !req
403. Because you've been playing
by yourself for the last five minutes.Copy !req
404. Really? Peter, don't you have
an interview with Dean Dryer?Copy !req
405. Oh, damn.Copy !req
406. I... I gotta take a shower a-and do my hair.Copy !req
407. Just skip it. Gerri's a shoo-in for that grant.Copy !req
408. She caught that criminal last year.Copy !req
409. Dude, she's like a superhero.Copy !req
410. Plus she's smokin' hot.Copy !req
411. Yeah. If I'm gonna get this grant...Copy !req
412. I am going to need to summon
all my powers!Copy !req
413. To the bong, Batman.Copy !req
414. In a few days...Copy !req
415. I'll be making my recommendation
to the Billingsley board...Copy !req
416. regarding the awarding of the grant.Copy !req
417. Ms. Farber, you have executed...Copy !req
418. one of the finest scholastic turnarounds...Copy !req
419. I've seen in years.Copy !req
420. Thank you. I take my, uh...Copy !req
421. educational career...Copy !req
422. very seriously.Copy !req
423. As for you, Peter...Copy !req
424. I'm not entirely sure why
you're up for this grant at all.Copy !req
425. You went from a 3.8 average
to what I can only describe...Copy !req
426. as an embarrassing personal nose dive.Copy !req
427. To what do you attribute
this pathetic decline?Copy !req
428. Well, Dean Dryer,
I-I've been asking myself...Copy !req
429. that very question over and over and...Copy !req
430. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
431. I mean, who is Peter Michael Hanson?Copy !req
432. Is he a conservative Republican?Copy !req
433. A liberal Democrat?Copy !req
434. How about just a lazy moderate?Copy !req
435. Just lazy.Copy !req
436. Uh, rest assured, whoever he is...Copy !req
437. if... if he doesn't get this grant...Copy !req
438. then he is gonna be doomed...Copy !req
439. to wander this planet that we call Earth...Copy !req
440. just... just pondering...Copy !req
441. His very existence.Copy !req
442. I mean, you... you don't...Copy !req
443. you don't want that
on your conscience, now, do you?Copy !req
444. Plus my dog just died.Copy !req
445. Patches.Copy !req
446. She could do a back flip.Copy !req
447. Hey!Copy !req
448. Excuse me.Copy !req
449. Oh. Hey, Pete. Heh.Copy !req
450. Cliff? What the hell are you doin' here?Copy !req
451. I work here. I'm the bartender...Copy !req
452. the pirate bartender. Har.Copy !req
453. No shit.Copy !req
454. Wh-when'd you start?Copy !req
455. I jumped on board at San Quista.Copy !req
456. But don't tell anybody...Copy !req
457. because you might get subpoenaed.Copy !req
458. Right. Heh.Copy !req
459. So how you been, man?Copy !req
460. I'm OK, you know, ever since...Copy !req
461. you got me fired
from my work-study program.Copy !req
462. Uh, I'm stoned a lot...Copy !req
463. and it's been pretty much
a downward spiral since then.Copy !req
464. - That's awesome. Me, too.
- Yeah.Copy !req
465. Well, how about a drink
on the house, man?Copy !req
466. Wait. Let me first check with the boss.Copy !req
467. OK.Copy !req
468. He says all right.Copy !req
469. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
470. and I use that term loosely.Copy !req
471. Well, then, tonight we see the first...Copy !req
472. of our two finalists
for the Dobmeyer Prize...Copy !req
473. Womanizing Objects...Copy !req
474. written by Sarah Beesik
of Woodson University.Copy !req
475. Uh, I hear the choreography
is quite special.Copy !req
476. So let's give them
a warm college cruise welcome.Copy !req
477. Hello, man.Copy !req
478. I am a...Copy !req
479. vagina.Copy !req
480. Why do you oppress me, man?Copy !req
481. I long for...Copy !req
482. freedom.Copy !req
483. These are my...Copy !req
484. breasts.Copy !req
485. These are my...Copy !req
486. bosoms.Copy !req
487. - Those...
- Those...Copy !req
488. - Are her...
- Are her...Copy !req
489. - Cans.
- Cans.Copy !req
490. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
491. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
492. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
493. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
494. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
495. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
496. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
497. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
498. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
499. - Bouncy...
- Bouncy...Copy !req
500. How delightfully post-modern.Copy !req
501. Deliciously decadent.Copy !req
502. I like boobs.Copy !req
503. This is the best play I've ever seen.Copy !req
504. - Bouncy.
- Bouncy.Copy !req
505. How could the judges give that play a 9.6?
It made no sense.Copy !req
506. Don't worry, Robin.Copy !req
507. Once the judges see your masterpiece,
they'll forget all about that tripe.Copy !req
508. Now, let's think about this.Copy !req
509. They had no actual play,
but they performed topless... 9.6.Copy !req
510. We have a play,
so if our girls go full-frontal...Copy !req
511. I think that'll put us over the top.Copy !req
512. Shut up, Rusty.Copy !req
513. You shut up, Marla. I'm just trying to help.Copy !req
514. That shirt makes your boobs look small.Copy !req
515. All ship personnel, prepare for docking.Copy !req
516. Ladies, drinks.Copy !req
517. Oh, we should go salsa dancing.Copy !req
518. Ooh. I love salsa dancing.Copy !req
519. No dancing!Copy !req
520. That's just an excuse for boys
to put their hands all over you.Copy !req
521. Oh, you two make
such a cute lesbian couple.Copy !req
522. Listen, gaybo.
Just because we've sworn off men...Copy !req
523. doesn't mean that we are...Copy !req
524. you know.Copy !req
525. Ooh. Did I strike a nerve?Copy !req
526. Get out of our room.Copy !req
527. Oh, you two are so obviously in love
with each other...Copy !req
528. and here I thought it was a beautiful thing.Copy !req
529. Come, Gerri.Copy !req
530. Let's leave these two lovebirds alone.Copy !req
531. Can you believe him?Copy !req
532. Mmm.Copy !req
533. OK, how do I look?Copy !req
534. Great.Copy !req
535. Thanks.Copy !req
536. Ooh. Your bra's poking out.Copy !req
537. Oh. Heh. Us...Copy !req
538. a couple? Heh heh.Copy !req
539. You know what?
I think we look great. Let's go.Copy !req
540. OK. Heh.Copy !req
541. Robin.Copy !req
542. Robin.Copy !req
543. OK, so we have a multipart plan
for the evening.Copy !req
544. What's up, dude?Copy !req
545. We're gonna find some local exotic drugs...Copy !req
546. and then we're gonna take them.Copy !req
547. Dante.Copy !req
548. Whoa. Uh...Copy !req
549. You comin' onshore, or what?Copy !req
550. Maybe I'll catch you later.Copy !req
551. I have an errand to run.Copy !req
552. - Boo!
- Boo! Drugs.Copy !req
553. Whoa ho! Baby, you almost took me out.Copy !req
554. You smell like brandy. What's wrong?Copy !req
555. Look, Ms. Daniels,
I'm afraid I don't have time...Copy !req
556. for this right now.
I have to go make a phone call.Copy !req
557. I thought we were gonna have dinner.Copy !req
558. I said I don't have time for this.Copy !req
559. Wh-wh...Copy !req
560. You see? This is exactly...Copy !req
561. why you shouldn't fraternize
with the students.Copy !req
562. I get too attached.Copy !req
563. What?Copy !req
564. Kiss my ass, Rex! I'm not some...Copy !req
565. Don't just walk away from me.Copy !req
566. Get your boney white ass
over here right now.Copy !req
567. Hey, Mrs. Bunkley.Copy !req
568. You're lookin' quite hot tonight.Copy !req
569. Come back when you've grown
a few inches, junior.Copy !req
570. Oh. I'm growin' a few inches right now.Copy !req
571. Wait. Now I'm more like eight or nine.Copy !req
572. Remember who you're speaking to.Copy !req
573. I'm the captain's wife.Copy !req
574. Stukas. What a fuckin' liar.Copy !req
575. Gerri, I wanted to ask you
a question about men.Copy !req
576. I know you've been with a lot of guys.Copy !req
577. Uh, those guys don't really count.Copy !req
578. That's when I was drinking a lot
freshman year.Copy !req
579. But I've totally got my drinking
under control now.Copy !req
580. Here's another kamikaze...Copy !req
581. and your double rum and Coke.Copy !req
582. Thanks.Copy !req
583. What are you doing?Copy !req
584. Trying to dance.Copy !req
585. What are you doing?Copy !req
586. Whoa. Hey.Copy !req
587. Hey, Gerri.Copy !req
588. Drunk enough to spread 'em for me yet?Copy !req
589. I'll have another.Copy !req
590. Zdorov'ye.Copy !req
591. Da.Copy !req
592. So they tell me you're the man to see
to, you know, get high.Copy !req
593. What's that?Copy !req
594. Is drugs.Copy !req
595. Well, right, but I mean what kind?Copy !req
596. Is it hash or what?Copy !req
597. Yeah. Is drugs.Copy !req
598. Is drugs.Copy !req
599. You buy it.Copy !req
600. It looks like tar.Copy !req
601. Do you eat or or smoke it or what?Copy !req
602. Yeah. Eat. Smoke. Is drugs.Copy !req
603. You buy.Copy !req
604. You buy.Copy !req
605. Oh, finally. Some size fourteens.Copy !req
606. I'll take the come-fuck-me pumps.Copy !req
607. Oh, hey. I'm, uh...Copy !req
608. I'm looking for something to, uh,
slip in girls' drinks...Copy !req
609. make 'em wanna have sex with me.Copy !req
610. So, uh, just give me
the strongest thing you got...Copy !req
611. like, uh, ground-up rhino penis
or something like that.Copy !req
612. No, man. No rhino penis.Copy !req
613. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.Copy !req
614. Well, uh, what kind of penis do you have?Copy !req
615. Man, that might have been
the best thing around here.Copy !req
616. I mean, he said it was drugs.Copy !req
617. Dude, I've seen a lot of drugs in my life...Copy !req
618. and that shit did not look right.Copy !req
619. Yeah.Copy !req
620. You, Americans, you like gettin' high?Copy !req
621. Fuck, yeah.Copy !req
622. Native to this country...Copy !req
623. is a monkey that feasts
on psychedelic molds...Copy !req
624. that are poisonous to humans...Copy !req
625. but if you grind up a monkey's bones...Copy !req
626. the powder contain
all the psychedelic properties.Copy !req
627. Dude, monkey bones.Copy !req
628. Choo Choo, what have you got for Rolo?Copy !req
629. Let's see.Copy !req
630. What is this junk?Copy !req
631. You stupid monkey.Copy !req
632. You're supposed to steal me
jewelry and Rolexes.Copy !req
633. You're useless, Choo Choo.Copy !req
634. I should grind you up
and smoke you right now.Copy !req
635. Two hundred dollars.Copy !req
636. But we only have one hundred dollars.Copy !req
637. Monkey bones are very valuable,
my friends.Copy !req
638. One hundred dollars not enough.Copy !req
639. Boys, you want monkey bones?Copy !req
640. Come.Copy !req
641. One hundred dollars,
I give you monkey bones.Copy !req
642. This place keeps gettin' creepier.Copy !req
643. But it is drugs.Copy !req
644. True that.Copy !req
645. Choo Choo.Copy !req
646. Um, that's a whole live monkey.Copy !req
647. With bones inside.Copy !req
648. You can grind him up and smoke him.Copy !req
649. This is a good deal.Copy !req
650. We're gonna smoke
a little fuckin' monkey, dude.Copy !req
651. Ho ho!Copy !req
652. Wait. Wait.Copy !req
653. Land ho, maties!Copy !req
654. Oh, that's Yellowbeard's Island.Copy !req
655. We'll surely find the treasure now.Copy !req
656. Captain, I know it.Copy !req
657. Under the cave in the center rock...Copy !req
658. is a... there's a treasure!Copy !req
659. Ah, we'll be rich. We'll all...Copy !req
660. Dude. Dude! Break's over.Copy !req
661. Get back to the bar.Copy !req
662. Sure.Copy !req
663. Maybe we should find some guys.Copy !req
664. But wh-what about being born-again?Copy !req
665. Well, we are. I mean, I don't know.Copy !req
666. Look, leave me alone, OK? I want a guy.Copy !req
667. I love guys!Copy !req
668. Hey, Cavendish, your, uh...Copy !req
669. your phone call's gone through.Copy !req
670. You can take it over there at the table.Copy !req
671. - Thanks.
- Right.Copy !req
672. I don't know how you're still walking, Gerri.Copy !req
673. You drink like a fish.Copy !req
674. I can't believe the way
you were dancing with that guy.Copy !req
675. Oh. Yummy.Copy !req
676. That's not even your drink.Copy !req
677. It is now.Copy !req
678. Gerri, you know what'll happen
if you drink that, right?Copy !req
679. You'll wake up tomorrow with a guy...Copy !req
680. whose eyes are going
in two different directions.Copy !req
681. That only happened once,
the whole eye thing...Copy !req
682. and I've got my drinking under control.Copy !req
683. Oops.Copy !req
684. I need another buttery nipple.Copy !req
685. Yes, well, of course I know we're docked...Copy !req
686. at the wrong bloody island,
you blithering idiot.Copy !req
687. Yeah, somebody must be onto me.Copy !req
688. No. No, don't go anywhere.Copy !req
689. I'll, um... look, I'll, uh...Copy !req
690. I'll charter a little boat and come to you.Copy !req
691. Yeah... you better not start getting cold feet
on me now.Copy !req
692. Uh, Rex... I mean, Professor Cavendish.Copy !req
693. Can I talk to you for a mo... ment?Copy !req
694. Professor Cavendish!Copy !req
695. Ah, hello. Hello there, ladies.Copy !req
696. What's the suitcase for?Copy !req
697. Uh, papers.Copy !req
698. Um, so, look, we were wondering...Copy !req
699. if maybe you wanted to have
a cocktail with us.Copy !req
700. Ah.Copy !req
701. I know that you're our teacher
and everything, but...Copy !req
702. I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a hurry.Copy !req
703. Besides, I really don't think I'm your type.Copy !req
704. Ohh! What are you talking about?Copy !req
705. Of course you're our type!Copy !req
706. We do it with guys all the time!Copy !req
707. Yeah, all the time!Copy !req
708. But not at the same time!Copy !req
709. Well, no.Copy !req
710. Except a couple times freshman year.
That was really fun.Copy !req
711. - Never mind.
- Ohh! Ohh!Copy !req
712. Ohh!Copy !req
713. What?Copy !req
714. You.Copy !req
715. Ha ha. I should have known.Copy !req
716. What, you... you want it, hmm?Copy !req
717. Yeah?Copy !req
718. You want the Pharaoh's Heart?Copy !req
719. Plenty of people have killed for it before.Copy !req
720. But I've been in tighter spots than this.Copy !req
721. My favorite part of the play
was when you showed your boobs.Copy !req
722. Oh, hi, Rachel.Copy !req
723. These fine thespians and I
were just heading back to my cabin.Copy !req
724. What's the matter?
You could only find one guy?Copy !req
725. One hot guy.Copy !req
726. Mush!Copy !req
727. Let's go.Copy !req
728. Packet full of shit I bought didn't do crap.Copy !req
729. I slipped it into four different girls' drinks.Copy !req
730. Hey, isn't that the archeology professor?Copy !req
731. Yeah.Copy !req
732. Aw, man, he's totally passed out drunk.Copy !req
733. OK, we should write "Caven-douche"
on his forehead and, uh...Copy !req
734. give him a Dirty Sanchez.Copy !req
735. Wait. I have a better idea.Copy !req
736. Oh, God! Ohh! Oh!Copy !req
737. Let's get some of Marla's panties...Copy !req
738. and throw 'em on him
and then put him in the shower.Copy !req
739. Dean Dryer...Copy !req
740. wh-what are you doing still up?Copy !req
741. Well, as my maiden aunt used to say...Copy !req
742. that is none of your beeswax.Copy !req
743. What's all the commotion?Copy !req
744. Oh, nothin'. Just, uh, headin' off to bed.Copy !req
745. Well, do try to keep it down.Copy !req
746. Night.Copy !req
747. Oh, shit.Copy !req
748. Well, good night.Copy !req
749. We'll be in here...Copy !req
750. fucking.Copy !req
751. Yeah? Well...Copy !req
752. we'll be in here fucking...Copy !req
753. harder!Copy !req
754. I figured you'd come by eventually.Copy !req
755. Well, Rexford, I'm not only
here for your convenience, OK?Copy !req
756. Go take a cold shower,
'cause you look like shit.Copy !req
757. Come on, Booker.Copy !req
758. Heh heh.Copy !req
759. Uh, why don't you girls get...Copy !req
760. you know, started without me?Copy !req
761. Make out with each other or something.Copy !req
762. Newmar, Rusty said something today
that got me thinking.Copy !req
763. Don't listen to him. He's a numskull.Copy !req
764. I think it's time we make love.Copy !req
765. Rusty is a wise man.Copy !req
766. What was that?Copy !req
767. Jumping fish?Copy !req
768. Hey...Copy !req
769. maybe we should go back to my cabin.Copy !req
770. Not tonight. Tomorrow.Copy !req
771. I want everything to be perfect.Copy !req
772. OK.Copy !req
773. I will make everything perfect for you.Copy !req
774. Tomorrow.Copy !req
775. How about going back to my room
for a few drinks?Copy !req
776. Sounds good to me.Copy !req
777. I'm starting to have second thoughts.Copy !req
778. Shh.Copy !req
779. Hey, Brady.Copy !req
780. Sorry.Copy !req
781. Fellows. Don't stay up too late.
We open tomor...Copy !req
782. - row.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
783. What's in the bag?Copy !req
784. - Shoes.
- Laundry.Copy !req
785. - Laundry.
- Shoes.Copy !req
786. - Shoes.
- Laundry.Copy !req
787. - Laundry.
- Shoes.Copy !req
788. - Laundry.
- Shoes.Copy !req
789. - Laundry.
- Shoes.Copy !req
790. - Laundry.
- Shoes.Copy !req
791. Uh, dirty shoe laundry. Heh.Copy !req
792. Heh.Copy !req
793. So how do we kill it?Copy !req
794. Kind of cute, don't you think?Copy !req
795. Stay focused, Wang.Copy !req
796. Do we have anything poisonous?Copy !req
797. We can't poison Choo Choo.Copy !req
798. We gotta kill it somehow.Copy !req
799. Don't think of it as a monkey.Copy !req
800. Think of him as drugs.Copy !req
801. - Aww.
- Aww.Copy !req
802. Look at that. He looks like a little stoner.Copy !req
803. Puff, puff, pass, Choo Choo.Copy !req
804. Hey, hey, hey.
Rise and shine, sugar crotch.Copy !req
805. My God, Stukas.Copy !req
806. We didn't do anything last night?Copy !req
807. Other than humping, not really.Copy !req
808. All right, come on.
Time for you to get out of here.Copy !req
809. I got another girl wantin' a good Stukin'
comin' over here in ten minutes.Copy !req
810. Where are my clothes?Copy !req
811. Uh, how should I know?
You weren't wearing anything...Copy !req
812. when you showed up at my door last night.Copy !req
813. What?Copy !req
814. - Anytime, Gerri.
- Wait.Copy !req
815. You're welcome.Copy !req
816. Morning, boys.Copy !req
817. What's up?Copy !req
818. What the hell is that thing?Copy !req
819. His name is Choo Choo.
We were gonna kill him and smoke him.Copy !req
820. Now we're teaching him how to play Xbox.Copy !req
821. Yeah, and he totally sucks at it.Copy !req
822. What's up, dude?Copy !req
823. I just need to use Wang's computer
to download these photos.Copy !req
824. You guys have got to see these.Copy !req
825. Come on, follow me, Choo Choo.Copy !req
826. Hey, where'd Choo Choo go?Copy !req
827. I 'on't 'ow.Copy !req
828. Wang, dude, monkey gone.Copy !req
829. Oh, shit.Copy !req
830. - Choo Choo!
- Here, monkey!Copy !req
831. - Choo Choo!
- Choo Choo!Copy !req
832. Here, Choo Choo.Copy !req
833. - Choo Choo!
- Here, monkey.Copy !req
834. Gerri, are you naked?Copy !req
835. Ms. Farber! My word.Copy !req
836. This girl appears to have lost her clothes.Copy !req
837. Do I want to know
the explanation behind this?Copy !req
838. Yes. I was in...Copy !req
839. my friend's room, and, uh...Copy !req
840. Well, good morning,
Dean Dryer, Captain Bunkley.Copy !req
841. I was just on my way to the library.Copy !req
842. You know, catch up on my studies
for next semester.Copy !req
843. Uh, Gerri.Copy !req
844. What happened to you? Did...Copy !req
845. did you fall overboard?Copy !req
846. Well, it seems I may have been wrong
about the two of you.Copy !req
847. The problem is
is I gotta find the right mood...Copy !req
848. but I don't know
what the right mood should be.Copy !req
849. Get some candles, some soft music...Copy !req
850. maybe some colored lights.Copy !req
851. Porn.Copy !req
852. Actually, that's not a bad idea.Copy !req
853. You know, nothing hard-core.Copy !req
854. Maybe some soft stuff.Copy !req
855. Just get the images in her head.Copy !req
856. Where am I gonna find porn on the ship?Copy !req
857. Whoa.Copy !req
858. That's a lot of porn.Copy !req
859. Are you kidding me?
This is just my travel kit.Copy !req
860. Um, OK, so something soft...Copy !req
861. romantic...Copy !req
862. no penetration shots, I'm assuming.Copy !req
863. Oh.Copy !req
864. Captain Bluebush.Copy !req
865. Fuck, yeah, dude.
I might actually get that grant.Copy !req
866. Gerri is gonna go down.Copy !req
867. Choo Choo!Copy !req
868. What is... what's up, dude?Copy !req
869. What do you got?Copy !req
870. What is this?Copy !req
871. Holy shit.Copy !req
872. Some sunglasses.Copy !req
873. A thumb drive.Copy !req
874. Dude, cash.Copy !req
875. Did you steal this shit?Copy !req
876. Bad Choo Choo. Bad klepto monkey.Copy !req
877. No, no, no, no. Wait a minute.Copy !req
878. I have wanted a thumb drive,
and these sunglasses are badass.Copy !req
879. Good Choo Choo.Copy !req
880. You know what? Go steal some more shit.Copy !req
881. Come share my bath.Copy !req
882. Come on.Copy !req
883. After you.Copy !req
884. You know, I have, uh...Copy !req
885. wanted this... ah heh...Copy !req
886. for so long.Copy !req
887. So...Copy !req
888. So...Copy !req
889. - so...
- Ohh!Copy !req
890. Jeez! Are you OK?Copy !req
891. I'm just a little nervous.Copy !req
892. I'm sorry. I know. I'm a little nervous, too.Copy !req
893. Um, wait.Copy !req
894. I've got the perfect thing.Copy !req
895. - A movie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
896. This'll break the ice, huh?Copy !req
897. One romantic movie coming right up.Copy !req
898. OK.Copy !req
899. OK.Copy !req
900. - Ready?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
901. Honey, come on.
Everyone's gettin' really hungry.Copy !req
902. Ahoy there, matey.Copy !req
903. I'm Captain Bluebush,
Slut of the Seven Seas.Copy !req
904. I've come for your jewels...Copy !req
905. family jewels.Copy !req
906. Ooh.Copy !req
907. Ohh! That's it now.Copy !req
908. Ohh!Copy !req
909. This isn't romantic. Oh, my God.Copy !req
910. What are... eww. Uh...Copy !req
911. This is disgusting, Newmar.
What kind of girl do you think I am?Copy !req
912. No, no, no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.Copy !req
913. What the... what button is this?Copy !req
914. God, he can be such an asshole.Copy !req
915. I can't believe you did it with Stukas.Copy !req
916. I thought you hated him.Copy !req
917. Lynne, Gerri loses all self-control...Copy !req
918. when she's got alcohol in her system.Copy !req
919. It's like she's a maniac.Copy !req
920. I feel like shit.Copy !req
921. Ohh.Copy !req
922. Don't tell anyone about this, you guys.Copy !req
923. - Promise.
- Promise.Copy !req
924. Hey, Gerri, ohh.Copy !req
925. You poor thing. You look like crap.Copy !req
926. Here. I thought you could use
a little hair of the dog.Copy !req
927. There's booze in that?Copy !req
928. Well...Copy !req
929. uh, not so much.Copy !req
930. I call it the Rusty remedy.Copy !req
931. It's a morning drink.Copy !req
932. Nice try.Copy !req
933. Ohh!Copy !req
934. Ohh!Copy !req
935. There was Everclear in there!Copy !req
936. Oh, my God! My eyes!Copy !req
937. I'm sorry, OK?Copy !req
938. Um, look. I know what we need to do.Copy !req
939. We need to get you back in the mood, OK?Copy !req
940. - OK.
- So lie back down...Copy !req
941. and I work a little magic.Copy !req
942. Where are you taking me, Booker?Copy !req
943. The gym. It's the closest shower.Copy !req
944. You need to wash out your eye.Copy !req
945. Oh, thank you. You're so good to me.Copy !req
946. Oh, my God, this hurt... what if I'm blind?Copy !req
947. - What if I'm blind?
- You're n...Copy !req
948. The rest of my life as a blind man?Copy !req
949. You know what? You know what?Copy !req
950. I'll... I'll catch up with you in a sec, bud.Copy !req
951. Uh... uh...Copy !req
952. I...Copy !req
953. All right, people, I know you all want...Copy !req
954. to stare at my impressive meat...Copy !req
955. but try to show a little restraint, shall we?Copy !req
956. Ah, ah, come on.Copy !req
957. Hey!Copy !req
958. How's it going?Copy !req
959. Hey, asshole, remember me?Copy !req
960. Aw, nah.Copy !req
961. Aw, not you again.Copy !req
962. Move it, bitch!Copy !req
963. Don't do that!Copy !req
964. Get outta here!Copy !req
965. Move it!Copy !req
966. Get him! Go!Copy !req
967. Don't fuck with Olga.Copy !req
968. Whoa, now. Down, girl.Copy !req
969. Come to mama, you little dickless wonder.Copy !req
970. Come on! Bring it on!Copy !req
971. Stay out of here, you little prick!Copy !req
972. Oh, my God. What was that?Copy !req
973. No! Don't look!Copy !req
974. That came from Violet's room.Copy !req
975. Aah! Help, Booker!Copy !req
976. What is going on in here?Copy !req
977. Haven't you ever heard of knocking?Copy !req
978. - We'll save you.
- Rape!Copy !req
979. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
980. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
981. - Booker!
- Hold on.Copy !req
982. Dude, pull me up. Help! Ohh.Copy !req
983. - Eww.
- What is that?Copy !req
984. Somebody help me!Copy !req
985. Aah!Copy !req
986. Would everyone just leave?Copy !req
987. You two had better not be doing
what it is most obvious you were doing.Copy !req
988. Did you guys hear a horn?Copy !req
989. Oh, crap. Is that Rusty?Copy !req
990. Don't let go. Is he naked?Copy !req
991. What is all this screaming about?Copy !req
992. - Hey, a butt.
- Ooh.Copy !req
993. I'm getting the camera.Copy !req
994. I can't get leverage.Copy !req
995. We need more people!Copy !req
996. No, don't call over more people!Copy !req
997. What's going on here?
That looks dangerous.Copy !req
998. Pull me up!Copy !req
999. Who gave you permission?Copy !req
1000. Is that Rusty?Copy !req
1001. Would you just get out?Copy !req
1002. Oh! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1003. What channel's this?Copy !req
1004. Newmar, tell them to leave.Copy !req
1005. What? I can't hear anything!Copy !req
1006. Po-mo girls are comin' over.
We'll have you up in no time.Copy !req
1007. No! Not the po-mo girls!Copy !req
1008. What's with the candles and flowers?Copy !req
1009. Hey, wait a minute.
Were you and Newmar gonna do it?Copy !req
1010. - What?
- Nice.Copy !req
1011. Just let me die. Let me die.Copy !req
1012. Pull! And pull!Copy !req
1013. And pull! And pull!Copy !req
1014. And pull!Copy !req
1015. And pull!Copy !req
1016. And pull! And pull!Copy !req
1017. And pull! And pull!Copy !req
1018. And pull! And pull!Copy !req
1019. And pull! And pull!Copy !req
1020. And pull! And pull!Copy !req
1021. Professor Cavendish?Copy !req
1022. It's Robin.Copy !req
1023. I know you're in there, Rex.Copy !req
1024. Open up...Copy !req
1025. Ohh!Copy !req
1026. Looks like your boyfriend left the boat.Copy !req
1027. Dante, what are you doing here?Copy !req
1028. And wh-what do you mean,
"my boyfriend"?Copy !req
1029. I know about you and Cavendish...Copy !req
1030. and it's gross. He's old...Copy !req
1031. and he's such a pompous jackass.Copy !req
1032. What makes you think he left the boat?Copy !req
1033. Well, the door was unlocked,
but he wasn't here.Copy !req
1034. Looks like he packed and left in a hurry.Copy !req
1035. Forget about him, Robin.Copy !req
1036. You know I'm the one who really loves you.Copy !req
1037. I need to go. Yeah.Copy !req
1038. I love you, and with Cavendish
out of the way...Copy !req
1039. we can finally be together.Copy !req
1040. Kiss me, Robin.Copy !req
1041. Get off of me, Dante!Copy !req
1042. Why? Why not me?Copy !req
1043. I'll see you at rehearsal, OK?Copy !req
1044. We should, uh, concentrate on the play.Copy !req
1045. Whoo!Copy !req
1046. I'll concentrate on the play.Copy !req
1047. Missing, you say?Copy !req
1048. Yeah. I, uh, went to go look for him in his...Copy !req
1049. during his office hours...Copy !req
1050. and, um, he's never been late before.Copy !req
1051. Well, he said nothing to me.Copy !req
1052. But knowing him, it wouldn't surprise me...Copy !req
1053. if he didn't stay onshore.Copy !req
1054. I'll place some calls.Copy !req
1055. That's Rusty's hat. He likes leaving it there.Copy !req
1056. Hey, Wang,
your monkey's fucking with my shit.Copy !req
1057. Are you even allowed
to have that on the ship?Copy !req
1058. I mean, what if he starts...Copy !req
1059. shitting everywhere?Copy !req
1060. What if I start shitting everywhere?Copy !req
1061. Ah. Now he's got one of the diamonds.Copy !req
1062. Come here, buddy.Copy !req
1063. Now, Choo Choo,
please give me the diamond. Thank you.Copy !req
1064. See?Copy !req
1065. Robin, Robin, I am sorry...Copy !req
1066. but I just... I have to drop out the play.Copy !req
1067. Drop out? The play starts in a few hours.Copy !req
1068. Th-there are no understudies.Copy !req
1069. I'll help out any way I can...Copy !req
1070. but I'm just too embarrassed
to go onstage.Copy !req
1071. Violet, wait!Copy !req
1072. OK, this isn't happening. OK?Copy !req
1073. I'm gonna have to play her part.Copy !req
1074. No one else knows her lines.Copy !req
1075. I do.Copy !req
1076. I have the whole play memorized.Copy !req
1077. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
1078. Look, I'll buy the photos from you.Copy !req
1079. It's too late, Rusty.
They're already on my blog.Copy !req
1080. Come on, you guys!Copy !req
1081. This really isn't necessary.Copy !req
1082. Newmar, yes, it is.Copy !req
1083. How am I supposed to walk in these?Copy !req
1084. Well, that's what you get
for having such big feet.Copy !req
1085. It's all I could find in a size fourteen.Copy !req
1086. I look like a stripper.Copy !req
1087. Well, strip.Copy !req
1088. Hey... oh, I need you.Copy !req
1089. Mmm!Copy !req
1090. So Rachel is playing Violet's role?Copy !req
1091. Don't you have to kiss that character?Copy !req
1092. That'll be weird.Copy !req
1093. Hey...Copy !req
1094. this DVD is totally disgusting.Copy !req
1095. If Violet didn't find this romantic, Newmar...Copy !req
1096. it wasn't meant to be.Copy !req
1097. I'm gonna have to alter the entire costume.Copy !req
1098. Make it happen, foosball.Copy !req
1099. Violet, psst, we really need to talk.Copy !req
1100. No, Newmar.Copy !req
1101. What?Copy !req
1102. Uhh!Copy !req
1103. Has Stukas showed up yet?Copy !req
1104. Uh, not yet, but I'll go check backstage.Copy !req
1105. Asshole.Copy !req
1106. After this drink...Copy !req
1107. what do you say we go back to my room?Copy !req
1108. Houselights down!Copy !req
1109. Mike, bring the house down.Copy !req
1110. Did you find a way to secure those lights?Copy !req
1111. Yeah, I did it this morning, chief.Copy !req
1112. Got it locked in there but good.Copy !req
1113. Let's complete the run-through.Copy !req
1114. Let's take it from the top without Stukas.Copy !req
1115. I am so frightened.Copy !req
1116. The murderer could still be amongst us.Copy !req
1117. Dios mío.Copy !req
1118. Oh, Colonel, I shall never feel safe again.Copy !req
1119. Fear not, miss. For I, Colonel Kroog...Copy !req
1120. will make sure that you are safe.Copy !req
1121. Oh, Colonel, you're so brave.Copy !req
1122. Come on, guys.Copy !req
1123. Whatever the two of you
are going through personally...Copy !req
1124. I don't care.Copy !req
1125. In less than an hour,
these seats will be filled.Copy !req
1126. So kiss already.Copy !req
1127. Go!Copy !req
1128. You must be enjoying this.Copy !req
1129. Can we just get this over with?Copy !req
1130. Rusty, the kiss is your cue.Copy !req
1131. Uh...Copy !req
1132. what's everyone just standin' around for...Copy !req
1133. when there's a mystery to solve?Copy !req
1134. Now, uh...Copy !req
1135. Constance, you were...Copy !req
1136. standin' by the fireplace with the fire poker.Copy !req
1137. No, Rusty. It's, "Constance...Copy !req
1138. "you were standing by the bay window...Copy !req
1139. "holding a candlestick."Copy !req
1140. Rusty, remember
when you're telling everyone...Copy !req
1141. where they were
and what they were holding...Copy !req
1142. you have to give 'em the item.Copy !req
1143. Robin, why do you insist
that we do this scene...Copy !req
1144. when you know that I don't know my lines?Copy !req
1145. You promised, Rusty.Copy !req
1146. If it makes you feel better, Robin...Copy !req
1147. I've been practicing carrying the jewel.Copy !req
1148. You wanna go run lines?Copy !req
1149. No. I'm gonna go rub one out.Copy !req
1150. Anybody see my catcher's mitt?Copy !req
1151. Booker, do I hand you the drink...Copy !req
1152. before or after you start telling me
about the war?Copy !req
1153. Oh. Um...Copy !req
1154. before, because you sit down...Copy !req
1155. during his line about the sinking ship.Copy !req
1156. Duh.Copy !req
1157. Thanks. Great.Copy !req
1158. That's pretty cool
you memorized the whole play.Copy !req
1159. It's great having a photographic memory.Copy !req
1160. Ahoy there, matey.Copy !req
1161. I'm Captain Bluebush,
Slut of the Seven Seas...Copy !req
1162. and I've come for your jewels,
family jewels.Copy !req
1163. Shove it harder. Yes.Copy !req
1164. Oh, yeah! Ohh!Copy !req
1165. Oh, yeah, that's it.
Spank me, you dirty pirate.Copy !req
1166. Oh, come on, yes.Copy !req
1167. And sink your ship in my treasure chest.Copy !req
1168. - Ohh!
- Yes!Copy !req
1169. Oh, yes. Ohh!Copy !req
1170. Ohh! Oh, God.Copy !req
1171. What is it?Copy !req
1172. Hi. I'd just like a word with you,
Mrs. Bunkley.Copy !req
1173. - I'm busy.
- Or should I call you...Copy !req
1174. Captain Bluebush?Copy !req
1175. Shit.Copy !req
1176. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!Copy !req
1177. You're Summer Solstice, the porn star.Copy !req
1178. Wh-what do you want?Copy !req
1179. Well, if you don't want everyone
on this ship...Copy !req
1180. including your husband,
to know your little secret...Copy !req
1181. I will be requiring certain favors.Copy !req
1182. Like what?Copy !req
1183. Well, I... I saw you do this thing one time...Copy !req
1184. where you, uh, put your leg
behind your head...Copy !req
1185. Guatemalan face hat.Copy !req
1186. You're pushing it.Copy !req
1187. OK, OK, fine. Just, um, plain sex then...Copy !req
1188. missionary.Copy !req
1189. - You...
- Come on!Copy !req
1190. I mean, I'm a virgin here, for Christ's sake.Copy !req
1191. Nuns have had more sex than me!Copy !req
1192. OK! Look I mean,
I guess you're kind of cute.Copy !req
1193. All right, let's get this goin'.Copy !req
1194. Hello, my sweet.Copy !req
1195. My husband.Copy !req
1196. Honey.Copy !req
1197. Hi. I wasn't expecting you so soon.Copy !req
1198. Well, I really need to take a shower...Copy !req
1199. before I attend this evening's performance.Copy !req
1200. Oh, no. Heh heh. You smell just fine.Copy !req
1201. Find your own spot.Copy !req
1202. What the fuck are you doing here?Copy !req
1203. I was fucking the captain's wife
until your ass showed up.Copy !req
1204. Get the fuck out.Copy !req
1205. Why don't we, um... take me now, Captain!Copy !req
1206. I need you.Copy !req
1207. Uh, well, I suppose I have a... a little time.Copy !req
1208. - I...
- Yes.Copy !req
1209. How about we take a shower together?Copy !req
1210. Oh!Copy !req
1211. Oh! Why, this water is freezing.Copy !req
1212. I mean, my goodness, that's cold.Copy !req
1213. Ha ha. What a day, I tell you. I'm exhausted.Copy !req
1214. - Uh...
- Yeah.Copy !req
1215. Uh, I better get a fresh towel.Copy !req
1216. Thank you.Copy !req
1217. I caught a pervert!Copy !req
1218. Listen, she invited me.Copy !req
1219. How dare you accuse my wife
of such a thing?Copy !req
1220. You're in for the beating of your life,
young man.Copy !req
1221. I'll have you know I was champion...Copy !req
1222. of my weight class in the Navy
two years running.Copy !req
1223. Listen, old man, I don't wanna...Copy !req
1224. insult my wife, will you?Copy !req
1225. Come back at 8:40.Copy !req
1226. My husband will be at that stupid play.Copy !req
1227. But I'm in that stupid play.Copy !req
1228. It's 8:40 or never.Copy !req
1229. Do I get some Guatemalan face hat?Copy !req
1230. Out.Copy !req
1231. Honey, you should probably call
the ship's doctor.Copy !req
1232. I'm almost done savaging
this Peeping Tom.Copy !req
1233. All right, here we go.Copy !req
1234. Yeah. OK.Copy !req
1235. Unh! Ow! It hurts.Copy !req
1236. Look, do you wanna look beautiful...Copy !req
1237. or do you wanna look like a cow?Copy !req
1238. OK, here we go.Copy !req
1239. Oh, God. I have to be back
to try on my costume.Copy !req
1240. No.Copy !req
1241. Put 'em back on. Put 'em back on.Copy !req
1242. Yeah. Yeah, I'm definitely looking at you.Copy !req
1243. Oh, yeah?
Well, I've always been the hot one.Copy !req
1244. Yeah. If anyone was in love with anyone...Copy !req
1245. it was definitely you with me.Copy !req
1246. Excuse me?Copy !req
1247. If there is a hot one, I am the hot one.Copy !req
1248. You are the stupid one.Copy !req
1249. Girls, girls,
you are both the stupid one, OK?Copy !req
1250. Now, come on. I have to finish your hair.Copy !req
1251. Places, people. First places.Copy !req
1252. Mike, you ready up there?Copy !req
1253. Mike?Copy !req
1254. Mike!Copy !req
1255. What?Copy !req
1256. What are you doing?
We start in ten minutes.Copy !req
1257. Get in the light booth.Copy !req
1258. Everything's all set.Copy !req
1259. Now!Copy !req
1260. Are you wet?Copy !req
1261. Why are you wet, Rusty?Copy !req
1262. Dry! Dry! Now go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1263. Stukas! You weren't at run-through today.Copy !req
1264. Are you drinking?Copy !req
1265. Ah, don't spray your panties.Copy !req
1266. I got all my lines down.Copy !req
1267. Swig?Copy !req
1268. So can I expect another visit
from you tonight?Copy !req
1269. That is never happening again.Copy !req
1270. Never, ever. Never, ever.Copy !req
1271. Well, I'll always have the photos.Copy !req
1272. She's got blonde hair,
and she's sitting in the back row.Copy !req
1273. This stuff tastes weird.Copy !req
1274. Ha ha! That's because there's booze in it.Copy !req
1275. Let's see,
you were first caught naked in a hallway...Copy !req
1276. and now you'll be drunk onstage.Copy !req
1277. The grant's mine. Heh.Copy !req
1278. Good day, madam.Copy !req
1279. Fuck!Copy !req
1280. Yo, D-bag, what'd you do with my hat?Copy !req
1281. Mm, I guess someone stole it.Copy !req
1282. That's what you get for leaving it
on the prop table.Copy !req
1283. Oh, my God, you pud-whacker.Copy !req
1284. I know you did something with it.Copy !req
1285. Yo, hey, everyone, gather round. Come on.Copy !req
1286. Guys, let's gather round. Come on.Copy !req
1287. Come on.Copy !req
1288. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
1289. Come on.Copy !req
1290. Now, I know we've all worked really hard...Copy !req
1291. for the last few months, and at this point...Copy !req
1292. I really don't care
about winning the contest...Copy !req
1293. and neither should you.Copy !req
1294. The only thing that you guys
should be concentrating on...Copy !req
1295. is remembering your motherfucking lines
and your cues.Copy !req
1296. OK. So, um, break a leg.Copy !req
1297. Tonight we present our second finalist...Copy !req
1298. Death by Blackout...Copy !req
1299. written by Robin Daniels
of Billingsley University.Copy !req
1300. Let's give them a warm
college cruise welcome.Copy !req
1301. Ah, the first of the guests has arrived.Copy !req
1302. Hello, sir,
and welcome to the Hibbert estate.Copy !req
1303. Whom may I say has arrived?Copy !req
1304. Harvey Jadin, American capitalist,
at your service.Copy !req
1305. May I take your hat?Copy !req
1306. Uh, well, you could...Copy !req
1307. if some dickhole hadn't stolen it!Copy !req
1308. Ah, excuse me.Copy !req
1309. That must be another guest.Copy !req
1310. Ah.Copy !req
1311. I have coffee.Copy !req
1312. Oh, God, I love you. I was dying here.Copy !req
1313. All right, listen to me.
These have got to be set.Copy !req
1314. This is for Gerri, all right?
Do not let her put it away.Copy !req
1315. Somebody grab that monkey.Copy !req
1316. Leave my monkey alone.Copy !req
1317. - Hey!
- I swear to God...Copy !req
1318. "I swear to God." Whatever, psycho.Copy !req
1319. Excuse me.Copy !req
1320. He's touching my bag, my prop table.Copy !req
1321. Listen to me!Copy !req
1322. Oh, my G...Copy !req
1323. you two are disturbing my Wa.Copy !req
1324. Choo Choo, don't go onstage.Copy !req
1325. Son of a...Copy !req
1326. Eww.Copy !req
1327. Now, ladies and gentlemen,
I give to you your host...Copy !req
1328. Lewison Hibbert.Copy !req
1329. Lewison, darling...Copy !req
1330. who are all these people?Copy !req
1331. All in good time, my dear.Copy !req
1332. Uhh. The play's gonna be fine.Copy !req
1333. Can I get another one?Copy !req
1334. Your husband is quite bold...Copy !req
1335. to set it out in the middle
of the room as it is.Copy !req
1336. Oh ho! Yes!Copy !req
1337. Probably because it's a fake. Heh.Copy !req
1338. Well, I am an expert
on carbonaceous deposits...Copy !req
1339. which have crystallized
into metastable dodecahedra...Copy !req
1340. or diamonds.Copy !req
1341. Hmm.Copy !req
1342. I'll have a look.Copy !req
1343. Ah, ye...Copy !req
1344. yes.Copy !req
1345. Hey, it didn't break.Copy !req
1346. It's the Pharaoh's Heart.Copy !req
1347. Yes...Copy !req
1348. the many facets of the Heart of U'die...Copy !req
1349. so beautiful, like looking at the face of God!Copy !req
1350. Cadwell, I'd like that drink...Copy !req
1351. before my ascot goes out of style.Copy !req
1352. Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Here you go, sir.Copy !req
1353. Well, my guests...Copy !req
1354. As soon as I finish this drink we can dine.Copy !req
1355. And lights out.Copy !req
1356. What's the meaning of this, Hibbert?Copy !req
1357. It must be the storm.Copy !req
1358. What was that?Copy !req
1359. Everyone remain where you are.Copy !req
1360. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1361. Sir! Mr. Hibbert!Copy !req
1362. Please, give Mr. Hibbert some room.Copy !req
1363. Room isn't what he needs. He's dead.Copy !req
1364. Ohh! Mr. Niles! Call an ambulance.Copy !req
1365. Everyone just stay calm.Copy !req
1366. I can't find a pulse.Copy !req
1367. Help is on the way.Copy !req
1368. I'm serious.Copy !req
1369. Maybe for the time being,
everyone should retire to their rooms.Copy !req
1370. Hello. He isn't breathing.Copy !req
1371. Yes, thank you, Miss Constance.Copy !req
1372. I believe you already told us that.Copy !req
1373. Let me see him.Copy !req
1374. Wait. Don't touch him.Copy !req
1375. Um, Miss Constance, um...Copy !req
1376. please let Mrs. Hibbert see her husband.Copy !req
1377. You don't understand.Copy !req
1378. I think he might be dead for real.Copy !req
1379. No, no, I promise you we do understand...Copy !req
1380. because you've said that, like, fifty times...Copy !req
1381. so please step aside
and let me see my husband.Copy !req
1382. - Marla, I am dead serious.
- Gerri, he's only acting.Copy !req
1383. - Well, you take his pulse then.
- OK.Copy !req
1384. Newmar, shut the curtains now.Copy !req
1385. Constance, uh, did...Copy !req
1386. are you feeling well today?Copy !req
1387. Did you remember your medication?Copy !req
1388. Great ad-lib, Booker.Copy !req
1389. So now I'm crazy for the rest of the play?Copy !req
1390. Newmar, stall the audience.Copy !req
1391. Think of something. I don't care.Copy !req
1392. Ow!Copy !req
1393. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
1394. He's dead. Stukas is really dead.Copy !req
1395. Have you been drinking?Copy !req
1396. No. Well, yes.Copy !req
1397. It was Pete. He's trying to destroy me.Copy !req
1398. Yo.Copy !req
1399. Hi.Copy !req
1400. I'm Newmar, and, uh... you're not.Copy !req
1401. Stukas, get up.Copy !req
1402. Hey, is he OK?Copy !req
1403. Yeah. You know what? He's fine.Copy !req
1404. He's just passed out. He's drunk.Copy !req
1405. Hey, could we get this show
on the road, please?Copy !req
1406. Some of us have places to be.Copy !req
1407. No. He's dead.Copy !req
1408. Well, thank God
he's not in any more of the play.Copy !req
1409. Um, so...Copy !req
1410. Look, OK...Copy !req
1411. - Pete.
- Yeah? Yeah.Copy !req
1412. You wanna help me move Stukas?Copy !req
1413. Sure. Sure.Copy !req
1414. What we're doing here is something...Copy !req
1415. very, very... it's never been done before.Copy !req
1416. I don't think he's breathing.Copy !req
1417. That's because he's dead.Copy !req
1418. - What?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1419. He had a heart attack or something.
Whatever.Copy !req
1420. The guy in the...Copy !req
1421. in the... the colonel outfit, right...Copy !req
1422. let's pretend that this is him
just for a second.Copy !req
1423. I saw you going for that diamond.Copy !req
1424. You and I are the only ones
who know about it.Copy !req
1425. Are you sure?Copy !req
1426. You are the murderer.Copy !req
1427. Me?Copy !req
1428. Yes, you.Copy !req
1429. Couldn't be.Copy !req
1430. Then who?Copy !req
1431. Where'd it go?Copy !req
1432. Choo Choo!Copy !req
1433. Good monkey. Come here.Copy !req
1434. No. Come on, bring it to me.Copy !req
1435. No, no. Come to me.Copy !req
1436. I'm the one that really loves you.Copy !req
1437. No. I could have smoked you, and I didn't.Copy !req
1438. Give me the diamond.Copy !req
1439. Opening the curtains!Copy !req
1440. But all we have to do is run...Copy !req
1441. and love each other as much as possible.Copy !req
1442. Newmar, get off the stage.Copy !req
1443. All right. Well, thank you.Copy !req
1444. From the look of this body...Copy !req
1445. uh...Copy !req
1446. crime scene...Copy !req
1447. I suspect we have all been witnesses...Copy !req
1448. in a murder!Copy !req
1449. Ho!Copy !req
1450. Did anyone hear anything
after the blackout?Copy !req
1451. You guys wanna keep doing this play,
be my guest.Copy !req
1452. Yes.Copy !req
1453. Well, well...Copy !req
1454. I must excuse myself to the loo.Copy !req
1455. I will be back momentarily.Copy !req
1456. Don't you think we should stay...Copy !req
1457. and engage in some discussion...Copy !req
1458. about the murder?Copy !req
1459. Yes, I'd love to...Copy !req
1460. but I really do have to take
a gigantic dump. Peace out.Copy !req
1461. What are you doing?Copy !req
1462. We're in the middle of a scene.Copy !req
1463. Uh... oh, shit. What is that?Copy !req
1464. Oh, jeez. Uh...Copy !req
1465. Constance, don't you want to...Copy !req
1466. help... me...Copy !req
1467. in the... investigation?Copy !req
1468. I'm good.Copy !req
1469. I know. I'll do her part.Copy !req
1470. Of the investigation.Copy !req
1471. And I could do... be...Copy !req
1472. Mr. Aldrich's part, too...Copy !req
1473. while he's...Copy !req
1474. dumping.Copy !req
1475. Cliff. Cliff, dude...Copy !req
1476. look, I need a huge, huge favor right now.Copy !req
1477. Pete?Copy !req
1478. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1479. Oh. Um, well, I...Copy !req
1480. we broke some glasses,
and we needed some extras...Copy !req
1481. and Wang would've come, but he was...Copy !req
1482. Well, I really should...Copy !req
1483. get back to the play, now, shouldn't I?Copy !req
1484. Uh, Cliff, could you help me
carry some glasses?Copy !req
1485. Sure.Copy !req
1486. The play's going great.Copy !req
1487. I can tell that it was most assuredly...Copy !req
1488. not a heart attack.Copy !req
1489. Here, monkey, monkey.Copy !req
1490. Here, monkey, monkey.Copy !req
1491. I... have a theory.Copy !req
1492. I shall return.Copy !req
1493. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1494. Look, I have to step out for a second.Copy !req
1495. I have a, um... a family emergency.Copy !req
1496. Call me on this thing
when I'm due back onstage.Copy !req
1497. You want me to find your monkey?Copy !req
1498. Yeah.Copy !req
1499. But I didn't even know what it looks like.Copy !req
1500. It looks like a monkey, Cliff.Copy !req
1501. I'd look myself, but someone has to do
my part in the play.Copy !req
1502. Dude, I'll do your part in the play...Copy !req
1503. a-and you could go find the monkey.Copy !req
1504. You don't even know my lines.Copy !req
1505. Well, I'm sure I could figure it out.Copy !req
1506. Violet, this is Cliff.
He's gonna be replacing me in the play.Copy !req
1507. - Get him a script. Thanks.
- But what about his costume?Copy !req
1508. Are you accusing me of something?Copy !req
1509. Maybe I am.Copy !req
1510. Would you two knock it off?Copy !req
1511. Hey, look! Mr. Aldrich became a pirate!Copy !req
1512. Kick-ass! Ow ow ow!Copy !req
1513. Yes, the pirate is right.Copy !req
1514. We need to work together.Copy !req
1515. All right, here's the deal.Copy !req
1516. Stukas isn't drunk.
I think someone poisoned him.Copy !req
1517. - What?
- Yeah, but you can't tell anybody.Copy !req
1518. And the diamond that Choo Choo...Copy !req
1519. stole off the stage is a real diamond.Copy !req
1520. Look, I'm gonna get it back,
and if you see Choo Choo...Copy !req
1521. you have to catch him. All right?Copy !req
1522. - All right.
- Later.Copy !req
1523. Ohh.Copy !req
1524. I would wager...Copy !req
1525. - Rusty, you're almost on.
- Fuck!Copy !req
1526. This foul crime...Copy !req
1527. Where are you?Copy !req
1528. - Shit.
- Rusty?Copy !req
1529. In some way...Copy !req
1530. involves this large diamond.Copy !req
1531. Yes!Copy !req
1532. Maybe I should hold on to it.Copy !req
1533. Or maybe I'm holding on to it...Copy !req
1534. already...Copy !req
1535. in my pocket.Copy !req
1536. Rusty, you're on in thirty seconds.Copy !req
1537. Yes!Copy !req
1538. Maybe I'll hold on to it.Copy !req
1539. Ohh!Copy !req
1540. Oh, Colonel!Copy !req
1541. Sorry.Copy !req
1542. Rusty, where are you?Copy !req
1543. Co... I'm coming.Copy !req
1544. Oh, Colonel, you're so brave.Copy !req
1545. Stretch it...Copy !req
1546. What's everyone just standing around for...Copy !req
1547. when there's a mystery to solve?Copy !req
1548. I'm with Mr. Jadin.Copy !req
1549. Now, perhaps if we recreate
the scene of the crime.Copy !req
1550. Constance, you were by the bay windows...Copy !req
1551. holding the candlesticks. Fact!Copy !req
1552. Colonel Kroog was by the fireplace...Copy !req
1553. and in his hands was
the antique fire poker. Fact!Copy !req
1554. Mr. Aldrich was in this chair. Fact!Copy !req
1555. Dr. Vassilisa was nearest the diamond.Copy !req
1556. Cadwell was closest to the door.Copy !req
1557. Mrs. Hibbert had in her hands
a bottle of scotch.Copy !req
1558. I, American capitalist Harry Jadin...Copy !req
1559. was here examining this painting.Copy !req
1560. Fact, fact, fact, fact, fact.Copy !req
1561. - He...
- got every...Copy !req
1562. - word.
- None of us...Copy !req
1563. was in position
to have caused that blackout.Copy !req
1564. Except for Mr. Hibbert's nurse, Lolly.Copy !req
1565. No! No, I swear!Copy !req
1566. No!Copy !req
1567. After her!Copy !req
1568. Rusty, that was really good.Copy !req
1569. Where's the serving tray?Copy !req
1570. Maybe someone's moved it.Copy !req
1571. Maybe someone's trying to ruin the play.Copy !req
1572. - Eli, you're on.
- What?Copy !req
1573. With all this talk of diamonds...Copy !req
1574. we should have ourselves a treasure hunt.Copy !req
1575. What the...Copy !req
1576. That's intermission.Copy !req
1577. Thank you. Ooh.Copy !req
1578. Eli, how many fingers am I holding up?Copy !req
1579. "W."Copy !req
1580. - Find Choo Choo?
- Nothing.Copy !req
1581. Marla. Marla, I...Copy !req
1582. Shh!Copy !req
1583. Ahh.Copy !req
1584. Why are you on my stage?Copy !req
1585. Ah, I'm fillin' in for Pete.Copy !req
1586. Oh.Copy !req
1587. Foosball.Copy !req
1588. Oh. I like your makeup.Copy !req
1589. Oh, thank you, sweetie weetie Peetie.Copy !req
1590. I need to ask you a question.Copy !req
1591. OK, you know how you said
that Marla and I...Copy !req
1592. are I-I... liked each other.Copy !req
1593. Oh.Copy !req
1594. Well, how do I find out if that's all true?Copy !req
1595. Oh, Lynne, she's just scared.Copy !req
1596. You have to lead her.Copy !req
1597. She wants you.Copy !req
1598. I can see the bond between you, and...Copy !req
1599. and it's beautiful.Copy !req
1600. Ms. Daniels.Copy !req
1601. What? Oh, hi.Copy !req
1602. Rather interesting play
you're putting on here.Copy !req
1603. Yes, very interesting.Copy !req
1604. Everything going as it's supposed to?Copy !req
1605. - Yep.
- All right, then.Copy !req
1606. As to your earlier concern...Copy !req
1607. a deckhand found
Professor Cavendish's suitcase.Copy !req
1608. Looks like he did jump ship.Copy !req
1609. Go, go, go, go, go. Grab his feet.Copy !req
1610. Grab his feet. Hey, Dante...Copy !req
1611. help us move Stukas.
Dean Dryer's backstage...Copy !req
1612. and we can't let him find him,
so, uh, drunk.Copy !req
1613. Stukas isn't passed out drunk.Copy !req
1614. I put something in his drink.Copy !req
1615. Did Dante just confess to us
that he murdered Stukas?Copy !req
1616. Let's just pretend he didn't.Copy !req
1617. Come on. Under the table.Copy !req
1618. Come on. Shove him. Slide him.Copy !req
1619. I have to go check on something...Copy !req
1620. so you're in charge.
Start the second act...Copy !req
1621. and keep things running
until I get back, OK?Copy !req
1622. There you are.Copy !req
1623. Look... oh. We need to get out of here.Copy !req
1624. I... I can't tell you why.
It's for your own good...Copy !req
1625. but it is an... exploration.Copy !req
1626. So can we just forget about our little fight?Copy !req
1627. Yeah!Copy !req
1628. Let's get out of here and explore.Copy !req
1629. OK.Copy !req
1630. Crap, I can't let Marla find Choo Choo first.Copy !req
1631. Shouldn't we tell someone about Dante?Copy !req
1632. No. We gotta find that diamond first.Copy !req
1633. Let's split up. I'm gonna follow them.Copy !req
1634. How much time do you think we have?Copy !req
1635. I want you now.Copy !req
1636. You. You missed your window.Copy !req
1637. Fuck that, lady.Copy !req
1638. Look, I've been through...Copy !req
1639. a lot to be here, and I think I deserve...Copy !req
1640. a little Bluebush,
know what I'm talkin' about?Copy !req
1641. I make the rules!Copy !req
1642. Hide.Copy !req
1643. No. Hide.Copy !req
1644. Get. Go.Copy !req
1645. God.Copy !req
1646. - Man, shut the door.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
1647. - No!
- Move it!Copy !req
1648. Come on, buddy.Copy !req
1649. What are you doing over there?Copy !req
1650. Shh.Copy !req
1651. Hello, my sweet.Copy !req
1652. Hi.Copy !req
1653. I miss you every minute you're away.Copy !req
1654. So, uh...Copy !req
1655. how was the, um... the... the play?Copy !req
1656. Very strange.Copy !req
1657. I don't really understand
this modern theater.Copy !req
1658. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1659. Whatever happened
to a good old-fashioned play?Copy !req
1660. Now they have to dress everything up...Copy !req
1661. by making it all conceptual and weird.Copy !req
1662. Well, the, uh... the play'll be starting again.Copy !req
1663. Won't they want you back?Copy !req
1664. Oh, there's always time for you...Copy !req
1665. my perfect...Copy !req
1666. loving, loyal wife.Copy !req
1667. Did you just grab my ass?Copy !req
1668. I don't know.Copy !req
1669. Did I?Copy !req
1670. Come on.Copy !req
1671. The Pharaoh's Heart.Copy !req
1672. Rex, you did steal it.Copy !req
1673. How sad.Copy !req
1674. He's gone, Robin.Copy !req
1675. Forget about him.Copy !req
1676. Dante, I seem to run into you
a lot in this room.Copy !req
1677. If you just paid me a little more attention...Copy !req
1678. none of this would have been necessary.Copy !req
1679. What did you do, Dante?Copy !req
1680. You should come back and watch the play.Copy !req
1681. It's quite a show.Copy !req
1682. Now.Copy !req
1683. Finally! Mmm!Copy !req
1684. Ohh!Copy !req
1685. Lynne, we did it.Copy !req
1686. W-we actually have the Pharaoh's Heart.Copy !req
1687. Yay!Copy !req
1688. What are you doing?Copy !req
1689. We're lesbians!
That's why you brought me out here...Copy !req
1690. to make out.Copy !req
1691. We are not lesbians.
I brought you out here...Copy !req
1692. so we could snag that huge diamond.Copy !req
1693. A diamond?Copy !req
1694. Come on, my darling.Copy !req
1695. Oh, Captain, you are so magnificent.Copy !req
1696. Oh, you're the only man for me.Copy !req
1697. What the devil?Copy !req
1698. Don't care.Copy !req
1699. - Didn't you hear that?
- I didn't hear a thing.Copy !req
1700. Why don't you just kiss me,
you sexy beast?Copy !req
1701. I swear I heard something.Copy !req
1702. I think that pervert might be back again.Copy !req
1703. I can smell his cowardice.Copy !req
1704. No one can hide from me.Copy !req
1705. I have a sixth sense about these things.Copy !req
1706. Ay!Copy !req
1707. - Oh, Jesus.
- Quick.Copy !req
1708. What the devil?Copy !req
1709. Homosexuals!Copy !req
1710. And more homosexuals!Copy !req
1711. All right, you queers!Copy !req
1712. You are gonna get the bashing of your life!Copy !req
1713. Bessie, darling, we've got a job to do.Copy !req
1714. Anyone... where's Janet?Copy !req
1715. I'll get it to hair and makeup.Copy !req
1716. Can't talk to you right now.Copy !req
1717. Ow! Whose shears?Copy !req
1718. I don't know.Copy !req
1719. It's cold out here.Copy !req
1720. Go! Go!Copy !req
1721. So mad, man.Copy !req
1722. - Run. Run.
- Killin' me with this shit.Copy !req
1723. Move it, man. Come on!Copy !req
1724. Wait. Rachel's playing my part.Copy !req
1725. I'm in charge!Copy !req
1726. Everyone's in the play now!Copy !req
1727. Including me.Copy !req
1728. Oh. Why would I be wearing a helmet...Copy !req
1729. and holding a broom?Copy !req
1730. 'Cause, Newmar...Copy !req
1731. I can smell through time.Copy !req
1732. All right, man.Copy !req
1733. Finally some action.Copy !req
1734. Everyone, let's make art!Copy !req
1735. Come back here, you sodomite!
Fight like men!Copy !req
1736. Try to convert me, will you?Copy !req
1737. Run, run, run.Copy !req
1738. I'll give you another hole
for your friends to enjoy, fatty!Copy !req
1739. Bagged one! Ha!Copy !req
1740. Now there are two dead.Copy !req
1741. There must be a murderer in this room.Copy !req
1742. It's not safe here anymore.Copy !req
1743. I can feel it.Copy !req
1744. I don't think it's safe for any of us
to wander off alone.Copy !req
1745. Uh, oh, I'll retrieve her.Copy !req
1746. Hey, I thought I was supposed
to go with that chick.Copy !req
1747. Man, is it hot in here.Copy !req
1748. Screw the script!Copy !req
1749. I'm solvin' this pirate-style, baby!Copy !req
1750. Yeah!Copy !req
1751. This is awesome!Copy !req
1752. Ha ha ha! Yeah!Copy !req
1753. Whoo!Copy !req
1754. I love this!Copy !req
1755. Here, Choo Choo. Here, monkey.Copy !req
1756. Wang, have you seen Dante?Copy !req
1757. Somewhere.Copy !req
1758. We gotta find the captain.
Dante basically told me...Copy !req
1759. - he killed someone.
- He told us that, too.Copy !req
1760. He told you he killed Professor Cavendish?Copy !req
1761. - No, Stukas.
- Stukas?Copy !req
1762. I...Copy !req
1763. shall return.Copy !req
1764. Fact!Copy !req
1765. So sexy.Copy !req
1766. What the...Copy !req
1767. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
1768. Where are you guys going?
Come back! Come back!Copy !req
1769. Oh, Captain Buckley,
I have to talk to you.Copy !req
1770. I can't stop.
There's a gaggle of perverts...Copy !req
1771. in dire need of a good thrashing.Copy !req
1772. But I know what happened
to Professor Cavendish.Copy !req
1773. He was murdered, and his killer's...Copy !req
1774. right here in this room.Copy !req
1775. - Hello.
- There he is.Copy !req
1776. Finally brought the captain, huh?Copy !req
1777. Him? And what make you think
that this boy did it?Copy !req
1778. Because I did. It was worth it.Copy !req
1779. Why, Dante?Copy !req
1780. So you'd go out with me.Copy !req
1781. You thought killing Cavendish
would make me want to go out with you?Copy !req
1782. Kill Cavendish?Copy !req
1783. What about Stukas?Copy !req
1784. Yeah? Did you kill him as a bonus?Copy !req
1785. I didn't kill Stukas.Copy !req
1786. I drugged him.Copy !req
1787. I put monkey bone in the prop decanter.Copy !req
1788. It's a hilarious prank.Copy !req
1789. Stukas is dead, Dante. You killed him.Copy !req
1790. But they told me
monkey bone was harmless.Copy !req
1791. I-it's just supposed to mess you up.Copy !req
1792. Heh. It's hilarious.Copy !req
1793. How could this have happened?Copy !req
1794. That stupid monkey.Copy !req
1795. It's all his fault. He was touching my bag.Copy !req
1796. Oh, so Choo Choo made you kill
two people?Copy !req
1797. Where is the Pharaoh's Heart?Copy !req
1798. What?Copy !req
1799. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1800. Captain, I never mentioned anything
about the Pharaoh's Heart to you.Copy !req
1801. Wang, I found the diamond. Let's get out...Copy !req
1802. Yeah, I'll be taking that, young man.Copy !req
1803. Hand it here, son.Copy !req
1804. I found it first! Aah!Copy !req
1805. Oh! The diamond!Copy !req
1806. Leave her alone.Copy !req
1807. Where is it?Copy !req
1808. What the fuck are you guys doing?Copy !req
1809. Dude, one of these diamonds is real.Copy !req
1810. Treasure.Copy !req
1811. Aha! I knew you took it!Copy !req
1812. Don't move, young lady.Copy !req
1813. Where is it?Copy !req
1814. Are these all diamonds?Copy !req
1815. Oh, shit! I found it!Copy !req
1816. It's mine!Copy !req
1817. None of you even think about moving.Copy !req
1818. Damn it, it's my...Copy !req
1819. Correction.Copy !req
1820. Hand it over.Copy !req
1821. Look at that. He has a gun.Copy !req
1822. Hold it right there, Captain.Copy !req
1823. Oh. My... my pistol. I was looking for that.Copy !req
1824. Sure you were.
It's gone one bullet left in it...Copy !req
1825. with your name on it.Copy !req
1826. Everyone-body, stop!Copy !req
1827. And look at me.Copy !req
1828. I'm Peter Pan!Copy !req
1829. Peter Pan.Copy !req
1830. Go, me!Copy !req
1831. Newmar. Newmar.Copy !req
1832. It was him, the captain. He did it.Copy !req
1833. He did it for the diamond.Copy !req
1834. I-is the money you're getting
really worth killing someone over?Copy !req
1835. Money? I didn't do it for the money.Copy !req
1836. It's a present...Copy !req
1837. a present for my dear and devoted wife.Copy !req
1838. You killed someone just so you could give
Mrs. Bunkley a gift?Copy !req
1839. She deserves it.Copy !req
1840. She's just a perfect little princess.Copy !req
1841. What? Dude, I hate to be the one
that breaks the news to you...Copy !req
1842. but your wife is a total whore.Copy !req
1843. - Fact!
- How dare you?Copy !req
1844. No one talks about my wife that way.Copy !req
1845. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1846. You're one of those homosexuals
that was spying on her.Copy !req
1847. Why, you slimy little misc...Copy !req
1848. Audacious the way they worked in
the ship's captain.Copy !req
1849. Great special effects. It looked so real.Copy !req
1850. I kind of saw the ending coming.Copy !req
1851. All ship personnel, prepare for docking.Copy !req
1852. I am deeply disappointed...Copy !req
1853. in all of you.Copy !req
1854. Mr. Hanson...Copy !req
1855. Ahh. Ms. Farber...Copy !req
1856. I do not think I can award either of you...Copy !req
1857. a grant for graduate school...Copy !req
1858. since I have seen
nothing out of either of you...Copy !req
1859. but moral degeneracy.Copy !req
1860. Ms. Daniels, despite the judges...Copy !req
1861. awarding you the highest point total...Copy !req
1862. I'm afraid you cannot receive
the Dobmeyer Prize...Copy !req
1863. as I have learned that much
of what we saw onstage last night...Copy !req
1864. was not actually in your script.Copy !req
1865. And, Dante...Copy !req
1866. I don't know whether you
can be prosecuted for murder...Copy !req
1867. but I suspect that intentionally drugging...Copy !req
1868. and accidentally killing
the late Mr. Stukas...Copy !req
1869. is still a crime!Copy !req
1870. And the fact that some of you knew
that Mr. Stukas was dead...Copy !req
1871. and concealed that information...Copy !req
1872. in order to continue to pursue
this precious stone...Copy !req
1873. is too shameful for words!Copy !req
1874. I'm disgusted
with each and every one of you.Copy !req
1875. Heh. All for a diamond.Copy !req
1876. Needless to say...Copy !req
1877. we'll be handing over the Pharaoh's Heart...Copy !req
1878. to the proper authorities.Copy !req
1879. What?Copy !req
1880. Choo Choo, come here.Copy !req
1881. Where's the real diamond? Choo Choo!Copy !req
1882. Who's got the diamond?Copy !req
1883. Hey, Mrs. Bunkley.Copy !req
1884. I-I'm really, really sorry about your loss.Copy !req
1885. If there's anything
that I can do to comfort you...Copy !req
1886. in your time of need...Copy !req
1887. Sure.Copy !req
1888. And by the way...Copy !req
1889. it's just Summer now.Copy !req
1890. Summer Solstice.Copy !req
1891. Take a number.Copy !req
1892. OK, Summer.Copy !req
1893. What's up, dude?Copy !req
1894. Hey.Copy !req
1895. Oh. This is really, really great.Copy !req
1896. I'm finally gonna get to have sex...Copy !req
1897. after, uh, oh, I don't know...Copy !req
1898. like fifty other dudes. Wow!Copy !req
1899. Nice, nice, nice!Copy !req
1900. Newmar, the doctor said...Copy !req
1901. you have a concussion...Copy !req
1902. and your hearing
will come back eventually.Copy !req
1903. What?Copy !req
1904. He said you can't go to sleep...Copy !req
1905. or you may die.Copy !req
1906. Now, what can I do...Copy !req
1907. to keep you up all day?Copy !req
1908. Oh. Heh. Um...Copy !req
1909. Uh, eh...Copy !req
1910. Oh. Oh!Copy !req
1911. Ohh!Copy !req
1912. All obsessed...Copy !req
1913. with the taste of flesh.Copy !req
1914. Behold the secrets of
nature's deepest mysteries.Copy !req
1915. Man turns animal for
the erotic pleasures of women.Copy !req
1916. And men, tingling with excitement...Copy !req
1917. trembling with horror...Copy !req
1918. and throbbing with emotions.Copy !req
1919. A sanitized study of
a man and a woman.Copy !req
1920. You must find strength.Copy !req
1921. Too much...Copy !req
1922. too often.Copy !req