1. Ladies and gentlemen, the driving force
behind Catholicism WOW! Cardinal Glick.Copy !req
2. Thank you.Copy !req
3. Now we all know
how the majority...Copy !req
4. and the media in this country...Copy !req
5. view the Catholic church.Copy !req
6. They think of us as a passe,
archaic institution.Copy !req
7. People find the Bible obtuse...Copy !req
8. even hokey.Copy !req
9. Now, in an effort to disprove
all that...Copy !req
10. the Church has appointed this year
as a time of renewal...Copy !req
11. both of faith and of style.Copy !req
12. For example, the crucifix.Copy !req
13. While it has been a time-honored symbol
of our faith...Copy !req
14. Holy Mother Church
has decided to retire...Copy !req
15. this highly recognizable...Copy !req
16. yet wholly depressing image...Copy !req
17. of our Lord, crucified.Copy !req
18. Christ didn't come to Earth
to give us the willies.Copy !req
19. He came to help us out.Copy !req
20. He was a booster, and it's
with that take on our Lord in mind...Copy !req
21. that we've come up with a new,
more inspiring Sigil.Copy !req
22. So, it is with great pleasure
that I present you with the first...Copy !req
23. of many revamps
the Catholicism Wow! campaign...Copy !req
24. will unveil over the next year,
I give you...Copy !req
25. "The Buddy Christ."Copy !req
26. That's not the sanctioned term
we're using for the symbol.Copy !req
27. Just something we've been
kicking around the office.Copy !req
28. But look at it.Copy !req
29. Doesn't it pop?Copy !req
30. Buddy Christ.Copy !req
31. Well, there you have it.Copy !req
32. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
33. You don't believe in God
because of Alice in Wonderland?Copy !req
34. No, Through the Looking Glass.Copy !req
35. That poem,
"The Walrus and the Carpenter"...Copy !req
36. that's an indictment
of organized religion.Copy !req
37. The Walrus, with his girth
and his good nature...Copy !req
38. he obviously represents either Buddha...Copy !req
39. or with his tusks,
the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha.Copy !req
40. That takes care
of your Eastern religions.Copy !req
41. Now, the Carpenter, which is
an obvious reference to Jesus Christ...Copy !req
42. who was raised a carpenter's son,
he represents the Western religions.Copy !req
43. Now, in the poem,
what do they do?Copy !req
44. They dupe all these oysters
into following them...Copy !req
45. and then proceed to shuck and devour
the helpless creatures en masse.Copy !req
46. I don't know what that says to you,
but to me it says...Copy !req
47. that following these faiths
based on mythological figures...Copy !req
48. ensures the destruction
of one's inner being.Copy !req
49. Organized religion destroys
who we are...Copy !req
50. by inhibiting our actions,
by inhibiting our decisions...Copy !req
51. out of fear of some
intangible parent figure...Copy !req
52. who shakes a finger at us
from thousands of years ago...Copy !req
53. and says, "Do it...
Do it and I'll fuckin' spank you!"Copy !req
54. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
55. The way you put it, I've never really
thought about it like that before.Copy !req
56. What have I been doing
with my life?Copy !req
57. - What am I?
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
58. Listen, my advice to you...Copy !req
59. you take this money that you've
been collecting for your parish...Copy !req
60. go get yourself a nice dress,
fix yourself up.Copy !req
61. Find some man... find some woman... you
can connect with, even for a moment...Copy !req
62. 'cause that's really all life is,
Sister... a series of moments.Copy !req
63. Why don't you seize yours?Copy !req
64. That a girl.Copy !req
65. You know, here's what
I don't get about you.Copy !req
66. You know for a fact
that there is a God.Copy !req
67. You've been in His presence.
He's spoken to you personally.Copy !req
68. - Yet I heard you claim to be atheist.
- I like to fuck with the clergy, man.Copy !req
69. I just love it. I love to keep
those guys on their toes.Copy !req
70. Here's what I don't get about you.Copy !req
71. Why do you feel the need
to come to this place all the time?Copy !req
72. My friend, because
this is humanity at its best.Copy !req
73. Look at them.Copy !req
74. All that anger, all that mistrust,
all that unhappiness...Copy !req
75. forgotten for that one perfect moment
when they get off the plane.Copy !req
76. See those two?Copy !req
77. - Nice.
- But it doesn't matter right now...Copy !req
78. 'cause they're just both so relieved
to be with one another.Copy !req
79. I like that.Copy !req
80. I wish they all could
feel that way more often.Copy !req
81. Is this why I had to come down here
and miss my fucking cartoons?Copy !req
82. You call me, you tell me
it's important.Copy !req
83. What, to share in your half-assed
obsession with Hallmark moments?Copy !req
84. We're going home.Copy !req
85. Somebody sent us this in the mail.Copy !req
86. Take it and quit leering at me. People
will think I just broke up with you.Copy !req
87. - You said we're going home, didn't you?
- Read.Copy !req
88. "Cardinal Glick Cuts Ribbon On
Catholicism Wow! Campaign."Copy !req
89. And?Copy !req
90. You have to keep reading.Copy !req
91. "The rededication of
St. Michael's Church..."Copy !req
92. is the kick off of a new campaign
which seeks to bring...Copy !req
93. Catholicism into the mainstream.Copy !req
94. With a papal sanction,
the arch way entrance...Copy !req
95. of the century-old Jersey shore
house of worship...Copy !req
96. will serve as a passage way
of plenary indulgence...Copy !req
97. a little-known Catholic belief offering
all that passes through hits arches...Copy !req
98. a morally clean slate.Copy !req
99. For Sunday News Brief,
I'm Grant Hicks.Copy !req
100. All I gotta do, I walk through the arch
thing, and then I can go back home?Copy !req
101. No. By walking through the archway,
all your sins are forgiven.Copy !req
102. - Then all we have to do is die.
- Die? I don't wanna die.Copy !req
103. - You rather hang around here?
- No. We don't know if we can die.Copy !req
104. But what if we can and then
the arch thing doesn't work?Copy !req
105. What then, Hell?
Fuck that.Copy !req
106. It's impossible.
If we cut off our wings...Copy !req
107. and transubstantiate to complete
human form, we become mortal.Copy !req
108. If we die with clean souls,
there's no way they can keep us out.Copy !req
109. We won't be angels anymore,
but at least we get to go home.Copy !req
110. - Who sent the paper?
- Who cares who sent the paper?Copy !req
111. All that matters is that after
all these years, we found a loophole.Copy !req
112. He can't keep us out anymore.Copy !req
113. Once we're back in,
it'll be forgive and forget.Copy !req
114. But this thing,
this is Church law.Copy !req
115. It's not Divine Mandate.Copy !req
116. Church laws are fallible
because they're created by man.Copy !req
117. One of the last sacred promises
imparted to Peter, the first pope...Copy !req
118. by the Son of God
before He left was...Copy !req
119. - "Whatever you hold true on Earth..."
- "I'll hold true in Heaven."Copy !req
120. It's dogmatic law. If the Church
says it's so, God must adhere.Copy !req
121. This thing has a papal sanction...Copy !req
122. Let it never be said your
anal retentive attention to detail...Copy !req
123. never yielded positive results.Copy !req
124. You can't be anal retentive
if you don't have an anus.Copy !req
125. Outstanding work!Copy !req
126. There's just one thing
I think we gotta do before we leave.Copy !req
127. This is gonna help us get back
on His good side.Copy !req
128. What?Copy !req
129. Here. I've been dreaming about this
for five years. Read that.Copy !req
130. "Mooby, the Golden Calf.Copy !req
131. Creating an Empire
Out of Simplicity."Copy !req
132. I wanna hit 'em.Copy !req
133. You really are
just a simple creature.Copy !req
134. We finally find a way back
and you want to jeopardize that...Copy !req
135. because you've got a soft spot
for the good old days.Copy !req
136. What better way to repent than by
resuming the position I once denied...Copy !req
137. thanks to you?Copy !req
138. I don't think a killing spree
is gonna make things better for us.Copy !req
139. Killing spree?
I'm talking about Divine Justice here.Copy !req
140. I'm talking about reigning down fire
and brimstone, punishing the wicked.Copy !req
141. He's all about that.
I know He'd want this done.Copy !req
142. There hasn't been an Angel of Death
since you quit.Copy !req
143. Doesn't that mean anything to you?Copy !req
144. And besides, what if you're wrong,
like you always are?Copy !req
145. If I'm wrong... which I'm not...
it's not gonna matter.Copy !req
146. We're gonna pass through
your arch thing anyway.Copy !req
147. We're gonna be forgiven.
No harm, no foul.Copy !req
148. Well, He does hate competition.
I will say that.Copy !req
149. And your Mooby certainly falls
under that heading.Copy !req
150. Where is this church
we have to go to?Copy !req
151. New Jersey. Rededication ceremony
is in four days.Copy !req
152. Last four days on Earth?Copy !req
153. If I had a dick,
I'd go get laid.Copy !req
154. - We can do the next best thing.
- What's that?Copy !req
155. Let's kill people.Copy !req
156. Oh, not you.Copy !req
157. The greater Illinois Chapter
of the Right to Life Foundation...Copy !req
158. will be holding its
biannual softball game...Copy !req
159. against the Cook County...Copy !req
160. Pro-Choice League next Sunday at 2:00.Copy !req
161. Today's second collection
will be donated...Copy !req
162. to the John Doe Jersey Life Fund.Copy !req
163. For those of you
who haven't been following the news...Copy !req
164. an unidentified homeless man...Copy !req
165. who was accosted and severely beaten
at the New Jersey shore last Tuesday...Copy !req
166. lies in critical, but stable condition
in one of that area's hospitals.Copy !req
167. He lacks identification...Copy !req
168. and police have had no luck tracking
down any possible family.Copy !req
169. The archbishop of the Trenton diocese
has disputed the state's decision...Copy !req
170. to remove the indigent man
from life-support systems...Copy !req
171. asking that Catholics
all over the country...Copy !req
172. join in this protest against euthanasia.Copy !req
173. Well, now please rise
for the recession of faith.Copy !req
174. We believe in one God,
the Father Almighty...Copy !req
175. Maker of Heaven and Earth.Copy !req
176. We believe in Jesus Christ,
His only Son, Our Lord...Copy !req
177. Choose life!Copy !req
178. You're gonna burn in Hell,
ya fuckin' baby killer!Copy !req
179. Holy shit. It's the pope.Copy !req
180. - Huh?
- Where?Copy !req
181. What are you talking about?Copy !req
182. Jesus! You're a Catholic.
Can't you talk to them?Copy !req
183. They hate me more than you,
no doubt.Copy !req
184. At least you have an excuse. You're
Jewish. You don't know any better.Copy !req
185. We already used that excuse
when we killed Christ.Copy !req
186. Where were you yesterday?
We went to brunch.Copy !req
187. I went to church.Copy !req
188. That still kills me,
you and church.Copy !req
189. If only they knew your weekly tithing
came from a Planned Parenthood check.Copy !req
190. I don't know why I still go, Liz.Copy !req
191. I can remember going to church
when I was young and being moved.Copy !req
192. Now I sit there every Sunday
and I feel nothing.Copy !req
193. I don't think I have any faith left.Copy !req
194. Remember that seminary student
I tried to set you up with?Copy !req
195. The 20-year-old. The one I could
have baby-sat for in high school.Copy !req
196. The point is,
he told me something.Copy !req
197. He said that faith
is like a glass of water.Copy !req
198. When you're young, the glass is little,
so it's easy to fill.Copy !req
199. As you get older,
the glass gets bigger.Copy !req
200. The same amount of liquid
doesn't fill it anymore.Copy !req
201. But periodically
the glass has to be refilled.Copy !req
202. You're suggesting I need
to get filled?Copy !req
203. In more ways than one.Copy !req
204. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane.
You need a man, if only for 10 minutes.Copy !req
205. It's been my experience that
the average male is never a man...Copy !req
206. not even for ten minutes
in his entire life span.Copy !req
207. That sounds militant, are you thinking
of joining the other side?Copy !req
208. Couldn't do it.
Women are insane.Copy !req
209. Then you need to go back to church
and ask God for a third option.Copy !req
210. I think God is dead.Copy !req
211. The sign of a true Catholic.Copy !req
212. Good afternoon, Mrs. Reynolds.Copy !req
213. I'm from the EPA.Copy !req
214. We're checking on possible
freon leaks.Copy !req
215. Tell me,
do you have air conditioning?Copy !req
216. Yes, we have central air.Copy !req
217. In every room?Copy !req
218. Except the bathroom.
Why?Copy !req
219. Well, you do know
what that means, don't you?Copy !req
220. Move!Copy !req
221. No pleasure, no rapture,
no exquisite sin greater...Copy !req
222. than central air.Copy !req
223. Pick that up.Copy !req
224. This will be the base of operations
from here on in.Copy !req
225. Now, if I remember
the protocol correctly...Copy !req
226. the powers...Copy !req
227. will attempt to contact
the last scion.Copy !req
228. I need you three...Copy !req
229. to shuffle her loose
the mortal coil.Copy !req
230. Go.Copy !req
231. Behold the Metatron!Copy !req
232. Herald of the Almighty
and voice of the one true God!Copy !req
233. Behold the Metatron!Copy !req
234. Herald of the Almighty
and voice of the one true God!Copy !req
235. Sweet Jesus!
do you have to use the whole can?Copy !req
236. Who the fuck are you and
what the fuck are you doing in my room?Copy !req
237. I'm the one that's soaked and she's
the one that's surly. That's rich.Copy !req
238. Stupid fucking...Copy !req
239. Get the fuck out of here,
now!Copy !req
240. Or you'll do what exactly?Copy !req
241. Hit me with that fish?Copy !req
242. Now, just sit down on the bed
and shut up.Copy !req
243. Jesus wept!Copy !req
244. Look at my suit.Copy !req
245. Just take whatever you want,
but don't kill or rape me.Copy !req
246. Give over! I couldn't rape you
if I wanted to. Angels are ill-equipped.Copy !req
247. See?Copy !req
248. I'm as anatomically-impaired
as a Ken doll.Copy !req
249. Make yourself useful
and give me that towel.Copy !req
250. You bottom-feeders
and your arrogance.Copy !req
251. You think everybody's just trying
to get in your knickers.Copy !req
252. What are you?Copy !req
253. I'm pissed off is what I am.Copy !req
254. Do you drench everyone who comes in your
room with flame-retardant chemicals?Copy !req
255. No wonder you're single.Copy !req
256. Stand back.Copy !req
257. As I was sayin'...Copy !req
258. prior to your fire-fighting episode...Copy !req
259. I am the Metatron.Copy !req
260. Don't tell me the name
doesn't ring a bell?Copy !req
261. You people.Copy !req
262. If there isn't a movie about it,
it's not worth knowing, is it?Copy !req
263. I am a seraphim.Copy !req
264. The highest choir of angels.Copy !req
265. You do know what an angel is,
don't you?Copy !req
266. Metatron acts as the voice of God.Copy !req
267. Any documented occasion when some yahoo
claims that God has spoken to them...Copy !req
268. they're speaking to me.Copy !req
269. Or they're talking to themselves.Copy !req
270. Why doesn't God speak for Himself?Copy !req
271. Glad you decided to join
the conversation. To answer that...Copy !req
272. human beings have neither the aural,
nor the psychological capacity...Copy !req
273. to withstand the awesome power
of God's true voice.Copy !req
274. Were you to hear it, your mind would
cave in and your heart would explode.Copy !req
275. We went through five Adams
before we figured that one out.Copy !req
276. Well, how do I know
you're an angel?Copy !req
277. Aside from the fiery entrance
and the expansive wing span?Copy !req
278. You want more proof?Copy !req
279. Fine.Copy !req
280. How about tequila?Copy !req
281. - Where the hell are we?
- Only place you can go for good tequila.Copy !req
282. Dos tequilas, por favor,
and an empty glass.Copy !req
283. We're in Mexico?Copy !req
284. Actually, we're in a franchised
Mexican family eatery...Copy !req
285. down the street
from your apartment, but...Copy !req
286. it's impressive nonetheless.Copy !req
287. You don't mind I lost the wings, do you?
I'm trying to keep our profile low.Copy !req
288. What do you want with me?Copy !req
289. I am to charge you
with a holy crusade.Copy !req
290. For the record,
I work in an abortion clinic.Copy !req
291. Noah was a drunk.
Look what he accomplished.Copy !req
292. And no one's asking you to build an ark.
All you gotta do is go to New Jersey...Copy !req
293. and visit a small church
on a very important day.Copy !req
294. New Jersey?Copy !req
295. That doesn't sound like
much of a crusade.Copy !req
296. Aside from the fine print,
that's it.Copy !req
297. What's the fine print?Copy !req
298. Stop a couple of angels from entering
and thus negating all existence.Copy !req
299. Wait, wait, wait.
Repeat that.Copy !req
300. Stop a couple of angels
from entering...Copy !req
301. and thus negating all existence.Copy !req
302. I hate it when people
need it spelled out for them.Copy !req
303. You might want to clarify that.Copy !req
304. Back in the old days,
God was vengeful and hot-tempered.Copy !req
305. And His wrath was bore...Copy !req
306. by the Angel of Death,
name of Loki.Copy !req
307. When Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed...Copy !req
308. that was Loki.Copy !req
309. When the waters wiped out everything
except Noah and his menagerie...Copy !req
310. that was Loki...
and he was good at what he did.Copy !req
311. But one day...Copy !req
312. he refused to bear God's wrath
any longer.Copy !req
313. - Why?
- He listened to his friend...Copy !req
314. a Grigori
by the name of Bartleby.Copy !req
315. Grigori?Copy !req
316. One of the choirs of angels.
They're called Watchers.Copy !req
317. Guess what they do.Copy !req
318. So one day, Loki's wiping out
all the first born of Egypt...Copy !req
319. The Tenth Plague.Copy !req
320. Tell a person that you're the Metatron
and they stare at you blankly.Copy !req
321. Mention something out of
a Charlton Heston movie...Copy !req
322. and suddenly everybody's
a theology scholar.Copy !req
323. May I continue uninterrupted?Copy !req
324. Once he's done with the first born...Copy !req
325. Loki takes his friend Bartleby out
for a post-slaughter drink.Copy !req
326. And over many rounds...Copy !req
327. they get into
this discussion about...Copy !req
328. whether or not murder
in the name of God is okay.Copy !req
329. And in the end...Copy !req
330. Bartleby convinces Loki
to quit his position...Copy !req
331. and take one which doesn't
involve slaughter.Copy !req
332. So...Copy !req
333. very inebriated...Copy !req
334. Loki tells God he quits...Copy !req
335. throws down his fiery sword...Copy !req
336. and gives Him the finger.Copy !req
337. Which ruins it for the rest of us
because from that day forward...Copy !req
338. God decreed that angels
could no longer imbibe alcohol.Copy !req
339. Hence all the spitting.Copy !req
340. So, for their insolence...Copy !req
341. God decreed that neither Loki
nor Bartleby...Copy !req
342. would ever be allowed
back into Paradise.Copy !req
343. - Were they sent to Hell?
- Worse.Copy !req
344. Wisconsin...Copy !req
345. for the entire span
of human history.Copy !req
346. And when the world ends, they'll have to
sit outside the gates for all eternity.Copy !req
347. And this has what to do with me?Copy !req
348. Someone has clued them in
to a loophole in Catholic dogma...Copy !req
349. that would allow them
to reenter Heaven.Copy !req
350. So what? They beat the system.
Good for them.Copy !req
351. It's not that simple.Copy !req
352. If they get in,
they will have reversed God's decree.Copy !req
353. Now listen closely because
this bit's very important.Copy !req
354. Existence in all its form
and splendor...Copy !req
355. functions solely on one principle...Copy !req
356. God is infallible.Copy !req
357. To prove Him wrong...Copy !req
358. would undo reality
and everything that is.Copy !req
359. Up would become down,
black would become white.Copy !req
360. Existence would become nothingness.Copy !req
361. In essence...Copy !req
362. if they're allowed to enter
that church...Copy !req
363. they'll unmake the world.Copy !req
364. If this is so major,
why are you talking to me?Copy !req
365. - Why doesn't God do something about it?
- He could.Copy !req
366. But He'd rather see you
take care of this one personally.Copy !req
367. Why me?Copy !req
368. Because of who you are.Copy !req
369. And who am I?Copy !req
370. The girl in the pj's!Copy !req
371. Don't ask so many questions.
Just serve your purpose.Copy !req
372. I'm gonna have to pass.Copy !req
373. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
374. When some quiet little infection
destroyed my uterus, where was God?Copy !req
375. When my husband decided...Copy !req
376. he couldn't be with a wife
who couldn't bear his children...Copy !req
377. where was God?Copy !req
378. To Hell with Him.Copy !req
379. Don't allow eons of history and life
to get blinked out of being...Copy !req
380. just because you've got a grudge
against your Creator.Copy !req
381. So you lost the ability
to make life.Copy !req
382. You're being offered the chance
to play mother to the world...Copy !req
383. by acting like one
and protecting it...Copy !req
384. saving it!Copy !req
385. But I can't make you.Copy !req
386. However, if you should decide
to stop being selfish...Copy !req
387. and accept your responsibility...Copy !req
388. you won't be alone.Copy !req
389. You'll have support.Copy !req
390. What? More angels?Copy !req
391. Prophets.Copy !req
392. In a manner of speaking.
Two of 'em.Copy !req
393. The one who speaks...Copy !req
394. and he will, at great length,
whether you want him to or not...Copy !req
395. will make mention of himself
as a prophet.Copy !req
396. The other one...Copy !req
397. well, he's the quiet type.Copy !req
398. Look, I've gotta go.Copy !req
399. Remember, we're working
in a time frame here.Copy !req
400. What's He like?Copy !req
401. God?Copy !req
402. Lonely...Copy !req
403. but funny.Copy !req
404. He's got a great sense of humor.Copy !req
405. Take sex, for example.
There's nothing funnier...Copy !req
406. than the ridiculous faces
you people make mid-coitus.Copy !req
407. Sex is a joke in Heaven?Copy !req
408. The way I understand it,
it's mostly a joke down here too.Copy !req
409. I'll see ya.Copy !req
410. Snootch to the motherfucking nootch!Copy !req
411. Go back to your paper routes,
you Mighty Duck Fucks!Copy !req
412. Snoogans.
Did you see that shit, man?Copy !req
413. I know they were just kids, but we
kicked their fucking pube-less asses!Copy !req
414. I don't know what to say
or think, except...Copy !req
415. That you'll offer us sex
as a reward?Copy !req
416. That I'd like to know
who they and you are.Copy !req
417. I'm Jay, and this is
my hetero life mate, Silent Bob.Copy !req
418. I don't know who those kids were,
but they would have kicked yours...Copy !req
419. and Lunchbox's asses
if I hadn't represented.Copy !req
420. Thanks for being
out here so late.Copy !req
421. Wait a minute.
Are you protestors?Copy !req
422. You mean those dick heads with the signs
and pictures of dead babies?Copy !req
423. Shit no!
Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice.Copy !req
424. A woman's body
is her own fucking business.Copy !req
425. But what are you doing
hanging around?Copy !req
426. We're here to pick up chicks.Copy !req
427. Excuse me?Copy !req
428. We figure abortion clinics are
a good place to meet loose women.Copy !req
429. Why else would they be here
unless they like to fuck?Copy !req
430. Right.Copy !req
431. Well, I should be going.
Thanks for the rescue.Copy !req
432. - I think.
- Wait a second.Copy !req
433. We just saved your ass,
and you're just gonna take off.Copy !req
434. What the shit is that?Copy !req
435. I had a weird night last night and
tonight's not shaping up to be better.Copy !req
436. I think I should go home,
take some Perco sets and lay down.Copy !req
437. Now how about that shit?
Fuck this town, man!Copy !req
438. I'm goin' back to Jersey
and startin' up the business again.Copy !req
439. I can kick the shit out of kids
in Red Bank and make myself a profit.Copy !req
440. Prophets. Two of 'em.Copy !req
441. - You know what I'm sayin', Silent Bob?
- You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
442. We call this piece "The Fecalator."Copy !req
443. One look at it and the target
shits him or herself.Copy !req
444. Try it on.Copy !req
445. It's a lot more compact than the flaming
sword, but not nearly as impressive.Copy !req
446. It doesn't have that
"Wrath of the Almighty" edge to it.Copy !req
447. How am I supposed to strike fear into
hearts of the wicked with this thing?Copy !req
448. Look at this.Copy !req
449. Well, then, you know, don't use a gun.
Lay the place to waste like.Copy !req
450. Easy for you to say.
You get off light in a razing.Copy !req
451. You got to stand there and read
at Sodom and Gomorrah.Copy !req
452. I had to do all the work.Copy !req
453. What work did you do?
You lit a few fires.Copy !req
454. I rained down sulfur.
There's a subtle difference.Copy !req
455. Okay, I'm sure.Copy !req
456. Fuck you. Any moron with a pack
of matches can set a fire.Copy !req
457. Raining down sulfur
is like an endurance trial.Copy !req
458. Mass genocide is the most
exhausting activity one can engage in...Copy !req
459. next to soccer.Copy !req
460. I'll take this one.Copy !req
461. So, what's up? You have a friend for
Silent Bob, or are you gonna do us both?Copy !req
462. if so, I'm first.
I hate sloppy seconds.Copy !req
463. You're a man of principle.Copy !req
464. Jersey's pretty far from McHenry.
May I ask what brought you here?Copy !req
465. Some fuck named John Hughes.Copy !req
466. Sixteen Candles John Hughes?Copy !req
467. You know that guy too?
That fuckin' guy.Copy !req
468. He made this flick Sixteen Candles.
Not bad.Copy !req
469. There's tits in it, but no bush.Copy !req
470. But Ebert over here don't give
a shit about that kind of thing...Copy !req
471. because he's like in love
with this John Hughes guy.Copy !req
472. He goes out and rents
every one of his movies.Copy !req
473. Fuckin' Breakfast Club, where stupid
kids actually show up for detention.Copy !req
474. Fuckin' Weird Science, where this babe
wants to undress and get down...Copy !req
475. but, oh, no, she don't,
because it's a PG movie.Copy !req
476. And then Pretty in Pink, which I can't
watch with this tubby bitch anymore...Copy !req
477. because when the redhead hooks up
with her dream guy...Copy !req
478. he starts sobbin' like a little bitch
with a skinned knee and shit.Copy !req
479. And there's nothing worse
than watchin' a fuckin' fat man weep.Copy !req
480. What exactly brought you
to Illinois?Copy !req
481. All these movies take place in this
small town called Shermer, Illinois...Copy !req
482. where all the honeys are top-shelf
but all the dudes are whiny pussies.Copy !req
483. Except for Judd Nelson.
He was fuckin' harsh.Copy !req
484. But best of all...Copy !req
485. there was no one dealin', man.Copy !req
486. Then it hits me.
We could live like phat rats...Copy !req
487. if we were the blunt connection
in Shermer, Illinois.Copy !req
488. So we collected some money
we were owed and caught a bus.Copy !req
489. But you know what the fuck
we found out when we got there?Copy !req
490. There is no Shermer, Illinois.Copy !req
491. Movies are fuckin' bullshit.Copy !req
492. - When are you going back to New Jersey?
- This broad asks a lot of questions.Copy !req
493. - Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.Copy !req
494. Yeah. So you do anal?Copy !req
495. Is it true that chicks fart
if you blast them in the ass?Copy !req
496. I didn't ask you out for sex.Copy !req
497. I'll take head.Copy !req
498. This is gonna sound really bad. I can't
believe I'm even thinking about this.Copy !req
499. I think I should go with you.Copy !req
500. Like steady?
You wanna be my girlfriend?Copy !req
501. All right, but Silent Bob gets
to live with us and you pay the rent.Copy !req
502. No. I wanna go with you
to New Jersey.Copy !req
503. Really?Copy !req
504. You're going to lead me somewhere.Copy !req
505. Me lead you?Copy !req
506. Lady, look at me. I don't even know
where I am half the time.Copy !req
507. If we're not gonna fuck, then what
the fuck did you ask us out for?Copy !req
508. Someone told me I'd meet you and you'd
take me someplace I was supposed to go.Copy !req
509. What the hell are you babbling about?Copy !req
510. We saved your ass from
some angry fuckin' dwarves...Copy !req
511. and now we're supposed to take you
somewhere as if we know where it is?Copy !req
512. Do you believe in God?Copy !req
513. Holy fuck! All the fine, immoral bitches
out in front of that place...Copy !req
514. and we gotta get the one Jesus freak?Copy !req
515. - Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Wait.Copy !req
516. - I'll scream rape.
- I can pay you.Copy !req
517. Pay?Copy !req
518. A hundred bucks
for being my guide.Copy !req
519. You were going to Jersey anyway.
All I'm asking is to tag along.Copy !req
520. I feel like Han Solo, you're Chewie,
and she's Ben Kenobi...Copy !req
521. and we're in that fucked-up bar!Copy !req
522. What about sex?Copy !req
523. No sex.Copy !req
524. Let's say we're caught in a situation
where we have five minutes left to live.Copy !req
525. A bomb or something's gonna go off.
Would you fuck us then?Copy !req
526. In that highly unlikely situation?Copy !req
527. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
528. She's a slut.Copy !req
529. All right.Copy !req
530. But I get to drive.Copy !req
531. What gear are you in?Copy !req
532. Gear?Copy !req
533. What do I know about shiftin'?Copy !req
534. Like I ever drove before.Copy !req
535. Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania...Copy !req
536. New Jersey.Copy !req
537. Maybe you're wrong
about this slaughter thing.Copy !req
538. How can you be sure what incurs the
Lord's wrath these days? Times change.Copy !req
539. I remember eating meat on a Friday
used to be a Hell-worthy trespass.Copy !req
540. The major sins never change.Copy !req
541. Besides, I can spot
a commandment-breaker from a mile away.Copy !req
542. Bet on it.Copy !req
543. This from the guy who still owes me
ten bucks over that bet...Copy !req
544. about which was gonna be the bigger
movie... ET or Krush Groove.Copy !req
545. Fuck you, man,
'cause time's gonna tell on that one.Copy !req
546. Are you insinuating that I don't have
what it takes anymore?Copy !req
547. Insinuating, no.Copy !req
548. Flat-out telling you.Copy !req
549. Right there.
There's one.Copy !req
550. So? They're kissing.Copy !req
551. Adultery.Copy !req
552. - Adultery?
- Adultery.Copy !req
553. You are just a simple creature.Copy !req
554. - Am I right?
- I happen to know the truth.Copy !req
555. I'm not gonna tell you. I want to see
how boned up on the job you are.Copy !req
556. - What's your proof?
- He's wearing a wedding band.Copy !req
557. And it never occurred to you
that maybe she's his wife?Copy !req
558. No married man kisses
his wife like that.Copy !req
559. Okay. It's a good thing
you were never...Copy !req
560. the deciding member on a jury
is all I'm saying.Copy !req
561. "No married man kisses
his wife like that"? Are you stoned?Copy !req
562. Excuse me.Copy !req
563. Are you married?Copy !req
564. Why?Copy !req
565. I'm just curious.Copy !req
566. What do you think?Copy !req
567. - What?
- To her?Copy !req
568. - What?
- are you married to her?Copy !req
569. Not that it's any of
your fucking business, but no.Copy !req
570. Why?Copy !req
571. Whose houseCopy !req
572. Run's houseCopy !req
573. I said, whose houseCopy !req
574. Run's houseCopy !req
575. Whose house
Say whatCopy !req
576. Run's house
Say whatCopy !req
577. MartinCopy !req
578. She's fuckin' pissed, dude.
She's never gonna fuck us now.Copy !req
579. Maybe you,
but definitely not me.Copy !req
580. Let me know how she is.Copy !req
581. Nobody is fucking me!
You got that?Copy !req
582. I don't know what I was thinking
in that diner...Copy !req
583. but being that I've decided to go home,
and not to New Jersey...Copy !req
584. sorry for the inconvenience
and good-bye.Copy !req
585. You're breaking up with us?Copy !req
586. Who the hell do you think
you are, lady?Copy !req
587. You can't just go around
breaking people's hearts like that!Copy !req
588. I fell in love with you!
We fell in love with you!Copy !req
589. Guys like us just don't fall out
of the fuckin' sky.Copy !req
590. Beautiful, naked, big-tittied women
just don't fall out of the sky.Copy !req
591. No heartbeat.Copy !req
592. Think someone threw him out of a plane
with a message written on him...Copy !req
593. like in Con Air?Copy !req
594. - Did you ever see that flick?
- Oh, did that suck!Copy !req
595. - Con Air? Con Shit.
- Kill it!Copy !req
596. - Sounds familiar.
- Jesus, are you okay?Copy !req
597. Yeah, it's Rufus.
And yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
598. He's the fucking undead!
Cut his head off!Copy !req
599. What I just did gave me
a fucking migraine!Copy !req
600. So if you don't pipe down, I'm gonna
yank your sac off like a paper towel.Copy !req
601. Speaking of which,
you're awfully nude.Copy !req
602. - Rufus, is it?
- Yes, Rufus it is.Copy !req
603. It's usually Long Rufus, but it's
a little cold out here. You understand?Copy !req
604. Big Papa, how about lending a brother
your coat till I find my own threads?Copy !req
605. Dude, he fell out of thin air.Copy !req
606. Dude, his piece is gonna be rubbing
inside of your armor.Copy !req
607. - Dude!
- Thanks a lot, baby.Copy !req
608. I'll do my best to tuck it back.Copy !req
609. It's been a while since physics
but I would think...Copy !req
610. the impact with which you hit
the asphalt would have liquefied you.Copy !req
611. Death is a worry of the living.Copy !req
612. The dead, like myself, only worry
about decay and necrophiliacs.Copy !req
613. - Told you he was the undead.
- Not the undead. The dead.Copy !req
614. I died.Copy !req
615. Christ told me the secret
to the resurrection once.Copy !req
616. We were at this wedding in Caanan.
I got drunk and forgot it.Copy !req
617. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
618. Christ?Copy !req
619. You knew Christ?Copy !req
620. Knew him?
Shit, nigga owes me 12 bucks.Copy !req
621. Let me guess.Copy !req
622. - You're another angel?
- Oh, I ain't no angel.Copy !req
623. I'm a man, just like you and him.
Well, maybe not him.Copy !req
624. At least I was a man.Copy !req
625. Been dead nearly 2,000 years.
Here, check this out.Copy !req
626. No wonder he saw Jesus.
Homey's rockin' the ganj.Copy !req
627. It's not a joint.Copy !req
628. I can't read this.Copy !req
629. It's Aramaic. It says,
"Rufus, see you in two years. Jesus."Copy !req
630. Freaked me out because He basically
told me when my number was up.Copy !req
631. Took all the flavor out of the
remaining years. We gotta get moving.Copy !req
632. Let's say we continue this discussion
over a two-piece and a biscuit. Come on.Copy !req
633. I'm starvin'.
Back off, Kato.Copy !req
634. Wait a second!Copy !req
635. Between guys with wings,
guys falling out of the sky...Copy !req
636. and guys trying like hell
to fuck me...Copy !req
637. I think I've been a pretty good sport
about all this so far.Copy !req
638. But I'm not going anywhere until
I find out where the hell you came from.Copy !req
639. Me? I came from Heaven.Copy !req
640. Now let's start walkin'.Copy !req
641. Walk? Fuck you! Do you know
how far we are from anywheres?Copy !req
642. Hey, man, back in the old days
with J.C., we used to walk everywhere.Copy !req
643. Did you ever hear of
a fat apostle?Copy !req
644. What the hell's an apostle?Copy !req
645. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
646. She's already met the prophets...Copy !req
647. and the apostle's with them?Copy !req
648. I think that our best course
of action...Copy !req
649. is to ensure that our parcel
is not found.Copy !req
650. And being that I can't even
trust you enough to kill a woman...Copy !req
651. well, I'm left with no choice...Copy !req
652. but to seek outside assistance
in guarding said package.Copy !req
653. I'm gonna have to summon
the Golgothan.Copy !req
654. I appreciate the loan, brother.
You can have that back.Copy !req
655. Man, I remember when all we used to have
for breakfast was fish and goat's milk.Copy !req
656. - What do you call this shit?
- Egga Mooby Muffin.Copy !req
657. Now, how 'bout you start explaining
some things, like for starters...Copy !req
658. how did you know
where to find us?Copy !req
659. Do you know what the dead do
with most of their time?Copy !req
660. Watch the living.
Especially in the shower.Copy !req
661. I can't wait to die.Copy !req
662. And why are you watching me?Copy !req
663. Because you're the one who's gonna
help me get some changes made...Copy !req
664. in that book
you put so much stock in.Copy !req
665. - Hustler?
- The Bible!Copy !req
666. - What's your beef with the Bible?
- For starters, I'm not in it.Copy !req
667. Neither are any of us, but you
don't hear us bitchin' and moanin'.Copy !req
668. But I'm supposed to be in it.
I was the 13th Apostle.Copy !req
669. I've gone to church my whole life and
never heard of Rufus, the 13th Apostle.Copy !req
670. But you heard of
the other 12 Apostles.Copy !req
671. They were all white boys, I might add.
But no mention of me, Rufus.Copy !req
672. And why is that?
'cause I'm a black man.Copy !req
673. But you know what?
That's just my pet peeve.Copy !req
674. I'm mainly here to correct a major error
you've been basing your faith on.Copy !req
675. - What's that?
- Jesus wasn't white. Jesus was black.Copy !req
676. I don't buy it.Copy !req
677. If that's true, why did He get
written about and you were left out?Copy !req
678. Well, He is the Son of God.Copy !req
679. Kind of hard to have
a New Testament without him.Copy !req
680. So you fudge a few facts,
you put a spin on his ethnicity.Copy !req
681. Leaving me out is okay 'cause you
still got 12 white boys to choose from.Copy !req
682. - are you gonna listen to this shit?
- That's what people of Antioch said...Copy !req
683. right before they stoned my ass.Copy !req
684. You were martyred?Copy !req
685. That's one way of puttin' it.Copy !req
686. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned
to shit by big fucking rocks.Copy !req
687. White folks only wanna hear
the good shit...Copy !req
688. life eternal,
a place in God's Heaven.Copy !req
689. But as soon as you hear
that you're gettin' this good shit...Copy !req
690. from a black Jesus, ya freak.Copy !req
691. And that, my friends,
is called hypocrisy.Copy !req
692. A black man can steal your stereo,
but he can't be your savior.Copy !req
693. You gonna eat that hash brown?Copy !req
694. So, you went to Heaven?Copy !req
695. Damn right I went to Heaven!
That's the least He could do.Copy !req
696. In the three years I followed His ass
around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid?Copy !req
697. Hell no.
And I was in my prime.Copy !req
698. I could have been knee-deep
in shepherds' daughters...Copy !req
699. not to mention fine-ass
Mary Magdalene.Copy !req
700. She had a thing for dark meat,
if you follow me.Copy !req
701. Maybe this is just me talking,
but if I were in Heaven...Copy !req
702. I wouldn't care what the Bible said
as long as they got the message right.Copy !req
703. The message is what counts.Copy !req
704. But folks who build their faith
on that message should be color blind.Copy !req
705. And all my rabble-rousing
is not doing that much above.Copy !req
706. So I'm gonna need
some help down here.Copy !req
707. That's why I'm gonna help you stop those
angels from gettin' into that church...Copy !req
708. in exchange for you helping me
with my campaign.Copy !req
709. How do you know about that,
the angels?Copy !req
710. - Isn't much I don't know about you.
- I find that hard to believe.Copy !req
711. When you were five, you let a kid
from next door piss on your hand.Copy !req
712. You did that shit?
You're nasty.Copy !req
713. I never told anybody about that.Copy !req
714. Neither did he.Copy !req
715. Two years later,
that kid died of leukemia.Copy !req
716. His name was Brian Johnson.Copy !req
717. Your exploits,
no matter how inane...Copy !req
718. are well documented in Heaven.Copy !req
719. Probably Hell too.Copy !req
720. Where are you going?Copy !req
721. Tell me somethin' about me.Copy !req
722. You masturbate more than anyone
on the planet.Copy !req
723. Fuck. Everyone knows that.
Tell me something nobody knows.Copy !req
724. When you do it,
you're thinking about guys.Copy !req
725. - Dude, not all the time.
- Sorry if I scared you.Copy !req
726. Two-thirds of me wants to
forget about this and go home.Copy !req
727. Yesterday, I wasn't sure
God even existed.Copy !req
728. Now I'm up to my ass
in Christian mythology.Copy !req
729. Let me let you in
on a little inside info.Copy !req
730. God hates it when
it's referred to as "mythology."Copy !req
731. Oh, well, then let's ask the "prophets"
what we should call it instead.Copy !req
732. Where did those two assholes go?Copy !req
733. What are you doing?Copy !req
734. Proving to this bastard
I ain't gay.Copy !req
735. - What?
- Long story. Forget it.Copy !req
736. We gotta get movin'.
How can we get to Jersey?Copy !req
737. We'll take the train.
I'll call for reservations.Copy !req
738. I thought she looked familiar.Copy !req
739. - Who?
- Serendipity.Copy !req
740. Morning, shoppers.Copy !req
741. Good morning.Copy !req
742. - Has anyone seen the overnights?
- No, sir.Copy !req
743. We creamed 'em.Copy !req
744. Last night was a rerun,
which says to me...Copy !req
745. Do I smell onions?Copy !req
746. Excuse me.Copy !req
747. May I ask what you're doing
in my boardroom?Copy !req
748. You may proceed, mon ami.Copy !req
749. I'm gonna have to start
by apologizing.Copy !req
750. My friend has a bit of a penchant
for the dramatic.Copy !req
751. Oh, come on!Copy !req
752. Relax. I'm doing it.Copy !req
753. Mooby, the Golden Calf.Copy !req
754. Created by Nancy Goldruff,
a former kindergarden teacher in 1989.Copy !req
755. Bought by the Complex Corporation
in 1991.Copy !req
756. Broadcast nationally
as the "Mooby Fun-Time Hour."Copy !req
757. Since its inception,
has spawned two theatrical films...Copy !req
758. 16 records,
8 prime-time specials...Copy !req
759. and a library
of priced-to-own video cassettes.Copy !req
760. Not to mention
bicoastal theme parks...Copy !req
761. dubbed "Mooby World."Copy !req
762. Did I miss anything?Copy !req
763. You forgot Mooby Magazine.Copy !req
764. Damn it!Copy !req
765. Is there a point to this?Copy !req
766. You and your board are idolaters.Copy !req
767. I can't believe you forgot
the magazine.Copy !req
768. That's you.Copy !req
769. do you know much about voodoo?Copy !req
770. That's a fascinating practice.
No real doctrine of faith to speak of.Copy !req
771. More an arrangement
of superstitions...Copy !req
772. the most well-known of which...Copy !req
773. is the voodoo doll.Copy !req
774. You see...Copy !req
775. a mockup of an individual
is subjected...Copy !req
776. to various pokes and prods.Copy !req
777. The desired result is that
the individual will feel those effects.Copy !req
778. Call security, now!Copy !req
779. All lines are currently down.Copy !req
780. - I'm gonna have to apologize...
- Would you knock it off?Copy !req
781. You're doing it again.
Stop. What did we talk about?Copy !req
782. You are responsible
for raising an icon...Copy !req
783. which draws worship
from the Lord.Copy !req
784. You have broken
the First Commandment.Copy !req
785. More than that,
I'm afraid not a one of you...Copy !req
786. passes for a decent human being.Copy !req
787. Your continued existence
is a mockery of morality.Copy !req
788. Like you, Mr. Burton.Copy !req
789. Last year, you cheated on your wife
of 17 years 8 times.Copy !req
790. You even had sex
with her best friend...Copy !req
791. while you were supposed to be home
watching the kids.Copy !req
792. In the bed that you
and your wife share, no less.Copy !req
793. Mr. Newman.Copy !req
794. You got your girlfriend drunk
at last year's Christmas party...Copy !req
795. and then paid a kid
from the mail room...Copy !req
796. to have sex with her
while she was passed out...Copy !req
797. just so you could break up
with her guilt-free...Copy !req
798. when she sobbingly confessed
in the morning.Copy !req
799. She killed herself
three months later.Copy !req
800. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son.Copy !req
801. Very compassionate.Copy !req
802. Mr. Ray put his mother
in a third-rate nursing home...Copy !req
803. and used the profits
from the sale of her home...Copy !req
804. to buy an Oriental rug for himself.Copy !req
805. Heavens.Copy !req
806. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand
on the company account...Copy !req
807. to have sex
with an eleven-year-old boy.Copy !req
808. Mr. Holtzman okayed the production
of Mooby Dolls...Copy !req
809. from materials he knew
to be toxic and unsafe...Copy !req
810. because it was... survey says...Copy !req
811. less costly.Copy !req
812. You, on the other hand...Copy !req
813. are an innocent.Copy !req
814. You lead a good life.Copy !req
815. Good for you.Copy !req
816. But you, Mr. Whitland...Copy !req
817. you have more skeletons
in your closet...Copy !req
818. than this assembled party.Copy !req
819. I cannot even mention them aloud.Copy !req
820. You're his father,
you sick fuck!Copy !req
821. - Good.
- Not bad, man.Copy !req
822. That's great work.
Very good.Copy !req
823. Well...Copy !req
824. alone at last.Copy !req
825. With the exception of Miss Pryce here...Copy !req
826. there isn't a decent human being
amongst you.Copy !req
827. Not one.Copy !req
828. do you know what makes
a human being decent?Copy !req
829. Fear.Copy !req
830. And therein lies the problem.Copy !req
831. None of you has anything
left to fear anymore.Copy !req
832. You rest comfortably in seats
of inscrutable power...Copy !req
833. hiding behind your false idol,
far from judgment...Copy !req
834. lives shrouded in secrecy,
even from one another.Copy !req
835. But not from God.Copy !req
836. Forgot my little voodoo doll.Copy !req
837. Man, it really looks
just like you, doesn't it?Copy !req
838. Look, if I believed enough in this...Copy !req
839. I wonder...Copy !req
840. Come on.
I don't believe in voodoo.Copy !req
841. Voodoo.Copy !req
842. But I do believe in this.Copy !req
843. Don't run! Don't run!Copy !req
844. Fakes! Fakes!
All of you, fakes!Copy !req
845. "But I do believe in this."Copy !req
846. What does that mean?Copy !req
847. And one to grow on.Copy !req
848. Gum?Copy !req
849. Go on. It's okay.Copy !req
850. You've done nothing wrong.Copy !req
851. These guys were fakes.Copy !req
852. You're a pure soul.Copy !req
853. But you didn't say "God bless you"
when I sneezed.Copy !req
854. Loki!Copy !req
855. You're getting off light.Copy !req
856. - Loki!
- I know. I'm comin'.Copy !req
857. You're so lucky.Copy !req
858. I forgot you were down here.
How long now?Copy !req
859. Three years this August.Copy !req
860. Let me guess... the 14th Apostle, left
out of the Bible because she's a woman?Copy !req
861. This girl's no woman.Copy !req
862. Oh. Those weren't tits
I saw Jay cozying up to?Copy !req
863. What, these?Copy !req
864. You should know better than anyone here
that tits don't make a woman.Copy !req
865. Hell, the tubby, coat-wearing
motherfucker's got tits.Copy !req
866. What traditionally defines a woman
falls between two things...Copy !req
867. her legs.Copy !req
868. But as you can see...Copy !req
869. I lack definition.Copy !req
870. Hey, they're gettin' a free show!
Let me see that shit!Copy !req
871. Oh, God,
another angel like Metatron.Copy !req
872. How do you...
How does she know Metatron?Copy !req
873. This is the last scion.Copy !req
874. You're kidding.Copy !req
875. Wow.Copy !req
876. I'm confused.Copy !req
877. Bethany, Serendipity here
isn't technically an angel.Copy !req
878. Nor is she, by any means,
a human being like I was and you are.Copy !req
879. - I used to be an abstract.
- Now I'm really confused.Copy !req
880. I'm a muse, stupid.Copy !req
881. I can't take much more of this.Copy !req
882. So you, what, inspire people?Copy !req
883. What just went down
with your friends over there...Copy !req
884. It doesn't really take a muse to inspire
horny retards to empty their wallets.Copy !req
885. I used to specialize
in entertainment.Copy !req
886. For example, I'm responsible for 19 of
the 20 top-grossing films of all time.Copy !req
887. - Nineteen?
- Yeah.Copy !req
888. The one about the kid
by himself in his house...Copy !req
889. burglars trying to come in
and he fights them off...Copy !req
890. I had nothing to do
with that one.Copy !req
891. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get
the grosses up on that piece of shit.Copy !req
892. What are you doing stripping?Copy !req
893. Remember why I left?Copy !req
894. Because you were tired of getting
none of the credit for your ideas.Copy !req
895. So I opted to quit being a muse
and write for myself.Copy !req
896. I gave my two weeks notice,
got a body, 50 bucks...Copy !req
897. and got sent out into the world
to make my fortune.Copy !req
898. So what happened?Copy !req
899. Writer's block.Copy !req
900. Can you believe it?
Me, a muse, for God's sake.Copy !req
901. I can inspire anyone I meet and give out
a zillion and nine ideas a second...Copy !req
902. but I can't keep any for myself.Copy !req
903. Her quirky sense of humor.Copy !req
904. - Whose?
- God's.Copy !req
905. - You're saying God's a woman?
- Was there ever a doubt in your mind?Copy !req
906. He's always referred to as "Him."Copy !req
907. That's not how I wrote it.Copy !req
908. But one of the drawbacks
to being intangible...Copy !req
909. is that you have no say
in the editorial process.Copy !req
910. The people that held the pens
added their own perspective...Copy !req
911. and all the penholders were men.Copy !req
912. So She became a He.
Doesn't stop with God either.Copy !req
913. The whole book's gender-biased.Copy !req
914. A woman's responsible
for original sin.Copy !req
915. A woman cuts Samson coif of power.Copy !req
916. A woman asks for the head
of John the Baptist.Copy !req
917. Read that book again.Copy !req
918. Women are painted as bigger antagonists
than the Egyptians and Romans combined.Copy !req
919. It stinks.Copy !req
920. Why is the last scion here?Copy !req
921. Bartleby and Loki.
They found a way back.Copy !req
922. - Not the plenary indulgence loophole.
- You know about that?Copy !req
923. I always knew that thing
was a bad idea.Copy !req
924. Leave it to the Catholics
to destroy existence.Copy !req
925. You have issues with Catholicism,
I take it?Copy !req
926. I have issues with anyone who treats God
like a burden instead of a blessing...Copy !req
927. like some Catholics.Copy !req
928. You people don't celebrate your faith,
you mourn it.Copy !req
929. - If we're wrong, what religion is right?
- It's not about who's right or wrong.Copy !req
930. No denomination's nailed it yet...Copy !req
931. because they're all
too self-righteous to realize...Copy !req
932. that it doesn't matter what you have
faith in, just that you have faith.Copy !req
933. Your hearts are in the right place,
but your brains gotta wake up.Copy !req
934. They made me and Silent Bob
part of the gang.Copy !req
935. Who fuckin' farted?Copy !req
936. Not born.
Shit into existence.Copy !req
937. Sweet Christ,
somebody wants you bad!Copy !req
938. - What is that thing?
- An excremental.Copy !req
939. - The Golgothan.
- A what?Copy !req
940. A shit demon!Copy !req
941. No man of woman born!Copy !req
942. - Friend of yours?
- Is this smelly fuck with us?Copy !req
943. It came for Bethany!Copy !req
944. Smoke that motherfucker
like it ain't no thang!Copy !req
945. I knew I's gonna
whack somebody today!Copy !req
946. Get your fuckin' hand back.Copy !req
947. Represent!Copy !req
948. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
949. Looks like we're in charge
of the gang now.Copy !req
950. Over the bar!Copy !req
951. - Where did that thing come from?
- Ever heard of Golgotha?Copy !req
952. The hill where Christ
was crucified.Copy !req
953. It wasn't just Christ.
The Romans crucified everyone there.Copy !req
954. Christ excluded, they were criminals...
killers, brigands, thieves, rapists.Copy !req
955. Whenever the crucified expired,
their bodies lost muscle control...Copy !req
956. spilling bowel and bladder
in the process...Copy !req
957. the result of which
is that walking pile of crap...Copy !req
958. the Golgothan shit demon,
Hell's chief assassin.Copy !req
959. It's here for you, girlie.Copy !req
960. - Bob, get down!
- Matches! Matches!Copy !req
961. - Hey, man.
- How?Copy !req
962. "Knocks strong odors out."Copy !req
963. - Way to go, biggie.
- Why would you ever carry this?Copy !req
964. What?Copy !req
965. Whoever sent this might send more.Copy !req
966. I suggest you take the princess
and get as far away as possible.Copy !req
967. I'll try to get something
out of poopy boy here.Copy !req
968. If he tells me something,
I'll let you know.Copy !req
969. Hello. We'd like two tickets
to New Jersey, please.Copy !req
970. Jersey's sold out, sir.Copy !req
971. - What?
- There's one at the same time tomorrow.Copy !req
972. Don't underestimate the staggering
drawing power of the Garden State.Copy !req
973. Show up two hours in advance.Copy !req
974. Nice.Copy !req
975. Your hard-on for smiting
has prevented us from negotiating...Copy !req
976. what ought to be the relatively simple
matter of catching or staying on a bus.Copy !req
977. Bus, schmuss.Copy !req
978. Why should we fall victim to gravity
when we can just as easily rise above?Copy !req
979. - You mean fly?
- We got wings, right?Copy !req
980. Fuck, let's use 'em!Copy !req
981. I wouldn't suggest that.Copy !req
982. You see, kids...Copy !req
983. you wouldn't want to look like
a couple of fairies, now, would you?Copy !req
984. How'd you get out of Hell?Copy !req
985. I told them I was coming up
on a routine possession.Copy !req
986. I don't have much time. If they figure
out my ruse, they'll come after me.Copy !req
987. - What's with bringing us in here?
- You two are inches from getting caught.Copy !req
988. Going around killing people,
about to uncase your wings.Copy !req
989. Don't you know what's going on?Copy !req
990. Well, we're going home.Copy !req
991. Really. Are you so clueless as to think
you can just waltz back into Heaven?Copy !req
992. - Why not?
- Everybody is looking for you.Copy !req
993. Both sides.
Above and below.Copy !req
994. Orders are to terminate you
on sight.Copy !req
995. - Really?
- Why?Copy !req
996. Because you're pissing people off,
that's why.Copy !req
997. Word is that God's pissed off
at your presumption...Copy !req
998. and I know Lucifer's pissed because
you assholes might make him look bad...Copy !req
999. by succeeding
where he's failed so many times.Copy !req
1000. - So they're just gonna kill us?
- They're gonna try.Copy !req
1001. That's why you have to travel
incognito.Copy !req
1002. Tone down your behavior.
Stay off their respective radars.Copy !req
1003. Quit killing people.
That's high profile.Copy !req
1004. - Oh, lighten up.
- I can't believe they wanna kill us.Copy !req
1005. Oh, believe it, boys.Copy !req
1006. They've even got the last scion
looking for you.Copy !req
1007. - Really?
- You're kidding.Copy !req
1008. This is huge. Your reentry
is a thorn in a lot of sides.Copy !req
1009. They'll stop at nothing
to prevent it.Copy !req
1010. In the meantime, I suggest you find
an alternate mode of transportation.Copy !req
1011. If anything else comes up,
I'll contact you.Copy !req
1012. Thank you, Azrael.
You're a true friend.Copy !req
1013. I have to get back to the pit
before they get suspicious.Copy !req
1014. And remember, incognito.Copy !req
1015. How you coping, kid?Copy !req
1016. It's weird.Copy !req
1017. Just when I think
I have a handle on things...Copy !req
1018. something wholly unbelievable
presents itself.Copy !req
1019. Sometimes I wish
I'd just stayed home.Copy !req
1020. You sound like the Man.Copy !req
1021. What's he like?Copy !req
1022. He likes to listen to people talk.Copy !req
1023. Christ loved to sit around the fire,
listen to me and the other guys.Copy !req
1024. Whenever we were going on
about unimportant shit...Copy !req
1025. he always had a smile
on his face.Copy !req
1026. His only real beef with mankind...Copy !req
1027. is the shit that gets carried out
in His name.Copy !req
1028. Wars, bigotry, televangelism.Copy !req
1029. The big one, though,
is the factioning of all the religions.Copy !req
1030. He said mankind
got it all wrong...Copy !req
1031. by taking a good idea
and building a belief structure on it.Copy !req
1032. You're saying having beliefs
is a bad thing?Copy !req
1033. I just think it's better
to have ideas.Copy !req
1034. You can change an idea.
Changing a belief is trickier.Copy !req
1035. People die for it.
People kill for it.Copy !req
1036. The whole of existence
is in jeopardy right now...Copy !req
1037. because of the Catholic belief structure
regarding this plenary indulgence bullshit.Copy !req
1038. Bartleby and Loki,
whether they know it or not...Copy !req
1039. are exploiting that belief...Copy !req
1040. and if they're successful...Copy !req
1041. you, me, all of this
ends in a heartbeat.Copy !req
1042. All over a belief.Copy !req
1043. I haven't seen the moron twins
in a while. How about you?Copy !req
1044. One time we were at the mall,
we tied Tubby to the ceiling...Copy !req
1045. and he went flying through the air,
fuckin' crashed through the wall.Copy !req
1046. It was fucked up.Copy !req
1047. You two aren't getting into
any trouble, are you?Copy !req
1048. We're just about to smoke a fatty
with these two suave motherfuckers...Copy !req
1049. who just got on at the last stop...
Larry and Barry.Copy !req
1050. So, Jay tells us
you're gonna sleep with him.Copy !req
1051. Hit this shit, man.
It's good stuff.Copy !req
1052. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
1053. That's some bad shit, dude.Copy !req
1054. You hit that?Copy !req
1055. Yeah, you're bad, dude.Copy !req
1056. Bad shit.Copy !req
1057. Why are you
heading to New Jersey?Copy !req
1058. It's just this thing I have to do.Copy !req
1059. We're going home.Copy !req
1060. Oh.
do you two live together?Copy !req
1061. Unfortunately, yes.Copy !req
1062. So, how long have you two
been together?Copy !req
1063. A while.Copy !req
1064. He can be pretty flaky sometimes,
but we have a lot in common.Copy !req
1065. How'd you meet?Copy !req
1066. We were stationed together.Copy !req
1067. See, that's beautiful.Copy !req
1068. Everybody's always up in arms
about this "out in the military" issue.Copy !req
1069. Pardon?Copy !req
1070. You know, there's all the macho bullshit
about it being "this man's army."Copy !req
1071. You two meet there, hook up...Copy !req
1072. You think we're lovers?
No, no. We're not gay.Copy !req
1073. Oh, God.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
1074. - I just assumed.
- Do I come off as gay?Copy !req
1075. My ex-husband sort of screwed up
my relationship awareness barometer.Copy !req
1076. - You're divorced.
- That's a nice way of putting it.Copy !req
1077. I call it being dumped.Copy !req
1078. I was...Copy !req
1079. dumped once.Copy !req
1080. Don't you just constantly
question your value?Copy !req
1081. Like, why was I so easy
to cast aside?Copy !req
1082. And you wonder if the other party
is gonna come to their senses...Copy !req
1083. and call you back.Copy !req
1084. They always tell you
it'll hurt less with time.Copy !req
1085. When actually...Copy !req
1086. it hurts more.Copy !req
1087. You know what we need?Copy !req
1088. What do we need?Copy !req
1089. We need drinks.Copy !req
1090. We need a lot of drinks.Copy !req
1091. Garcon.Copy !req
1092. You still go to church?Copy !req
1093. Every Sunday.Copy !req
1094. Does it do anything for you?Copy !req
1095. It gives me time to balance
my checkbook every week.Copy !req
1096. That's what I'm saying. People don't
go to church to feel spiritual anymore.Copy !req
1097. They go to church and feel bored...Copy !req
1098. but they keep going every week
just out of habit.Copy !req
1099. I am so buzzed.Copy !req
1100. When do you think
you lost your faith?Copy !req
1101. I remember the exact moment.Copy !req
1102. I was on the phone with my mother...Copy !req
1103. and she was trying to counsel me
through this...Copy !req
1104. this thing.Copy !req
1105. And when nothing she was saying
was making me feel any better...Copy !req
1106. she said...Copy !req
1107. "Bethany...Copy !req
1108. God has a plan."Copy !req
1109. I was.. I was so angry with her.Copy !req
1110. I was like...Copy !req
1111. "What about my plans?"Copy !req
1112. - You know?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1113. I had planned
to have a family...Copy !req
1114. with my husband.Copy !req
1115. Wasn't that plan
good enough for God?Copy !req
1116. Apparently not.Copy !req
1117. How about you?
How'd you lose your faith?Copy !req
1118. A long time ago.Copy !req
1119. One day God just stopped listening.Copy !req
1120. I kept talking, but I got the distinct
impression He wasn't listening anymore.Copy !req
1121. How did you know She was listening
in the first place?Copy !req
1122. Well, I guess I don't.Copy !req
1123. I hate thoughts like that.Copy !req
1124. But, you know,
they come to you with age.Copy !req
1125. 'cause when you're a kid you never
question the whole faith thing.Copy !req
1126. God's in Heaven, and He's...Copy !req
1127. She's always got her eye on you.Copy !req
1128. I'd give anything
to feel that way again.Copy !req
1129. Guess that's why
I got talked into this pilgrimage.Copy !req
1130. Where is this pilgrimage to?Copy !req
1131. - You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
- Try me.Copy !req
1132. All right, but I warned you.Copy !req
1133. Okay.Copy !req
1134. I'm going to this church
in New Jersey.Copy !req
1135. Really.Copy !req
1136. Kerwood Mandel to car three.
Kerwood Mandel to car three.Copy !req
1137. See, I'm supposed to stop
a couple of angels...Copy !req
1138. from going into the church.Copy !req
1139. They're trying...Copy !req
1140. Shit.Copy !req
1141. They're trying
to get back into Heaven.Copy !req
1142. See, they got tossed
out of Heaven...Copy !req
1143. years ago, right?Copy !req
1144. And if they get back in...Copy !req
1145. it proves God wrong...Copy !req
1146. and since God is infallible...Copy !req
1147. to prove Her wrong...Copy !req
1148. would, you know, unmake existence.Copy !req
1149. May I have your attention, please.Copy !req
1150. The dining car will be closing
in five minutes. Thank you.Copy !req
1151. I feel so stupid...Copy !req
1152. just saying it.Copy !req
1153. The thing I don't get is...Copy !req
1154. how am I supposed to stop
an angel?Copy !req
1155. Two, even!Copy !req
1156. I guess I'm supposed to
talk them out of it or something.Copy !req
1157. Maybe you're supposed to kill them.Copy !req
1158. Oh, yeah, right.
Kill them.Copy !req
1159. I mean, even if that were the case,
which it's not...Copy !req
1160. how do you kill an angel, Barry?Copy !req
1161. Oh...Copy !req
1162. I don't suppose
it's much different from...Copy !req
1163. killing a human.Copy !req
1164. Where is everybody?
I wake up and...Copy !req
1165. - The apostle.
- Holy shit!Copy !req
1166. Rufus, I want you to meet
my new friend Barry.Copy !req
1167. Don't be such a show-off, Barry.Copy !req
1168. Take it easy, Bartleby.
Just let her go.Copy !req
1169. - We can talk about this.
- Bartleby?Copy !req
1170. After all this time, it comes down
to slaughter by a meat puppet?Copy !req
1171. Get your fucking hands off me,
you dickless son of a bitch!Copy !req
1172. Save it. Five minutes ago
you were aching to top me off.Copy !req
1173. Loki!Copy !req
1174. Holy shit. The apostle.Copy !req
1175. I didn't come in you, Pete,
I swear.Copy !req
1176. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1177. This woman has to stop two angels
from entering a church.Copy !req
1178. - Us?
- No, two other fucking angels.Copy !req
1179. I'd say there's a pretty good chance.
Rufus, we're to be liquidated?Copy !req
1180. You haven't thought about
the consequences of your reentry.Copy !req
1181. Consequences, schmonsequences.Copy !req
1182. We're going home,
no matter whose pride it may hurt.Copy !req
1183. - It's not a matter of pride!
- Loki, kill the girl.Copy !req
1184. What are you, high? I can't kill her
if she hasn't done anything.Copy !req
1185. Fine.
I'll kill her myself.Copy !req
1186. I fall asleep
and everyone takes off?Copy !req
1187. - These guys are fuckin' flat-leavers.
- Shut his mouth.Copy !req
1188. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1189. Jay!Copy !req
1190. Biggie!Copy !req
1191. The door! The door!Copy !req
1192. Can't we talk about this?Copy !req
1193. Why don't I just get off
at the next stop!Copy !req
1194. No ticket.Copy !req
1195. - The apostle is here.
- I noticed.Copy !req
1196. - Then you know who she was, don't you?
- The scion, I imagine!Copy !req
1197. Maybe we should rethink
this whole thing.Copy !req
1198. I mean, you heard the guy.
He said there are consequences.Copy !req
1199. And Azrael tells us we're marked?
There's more to this than we thought of.Copy !req
1200. I was close.Copy !req
1201. You know? I was so close
to slitting that bitch's throat.Copy !req
1202. Whoa.Copy !req
1203. You know how I felt?
Righteous.Copy !req
1204. Justified.
Eager, even.Copy !req
1205. You all right?
Your eyes are kinda...Copy !req
1206. My eyes are open.Copy !req
1207. For the first time I get it.Copy !req
1208. When that little innocent girl
let her mission slip, I had an epiphany.Copy !req
1209. See, in the beginning it was
just us and Him... angels and God.Copy !req
1210. Then He created humans.Copy !req
1211. Ours was designed to be
a life of servitude and worship...Copy !req
1212. and bowing and scraping and adoration.Copy !req
1213. He gave them more than He ever gave us.
He gave them a choice.Copy !req
1214. They choose to acknowledge God
or choose to ignore Him.Copy !req
1215. All this time
we've been down here...Copy !req
1216. I've felt the absence
of the Divine Presence...Copy !req
1217. and it's pained me,
as I'm sure it must have pained you.Copy !req
1218. And why?
Because of the way He made us.Copy !req
1219. Had we been given free will we could
choose to ignore the pain, like they do.Copy !req
1220. But no, we're servants.Copy !req
1221. Okay.Copy !req
1222. All I'm saying here is that
one of us might need a little nap.Copy !req
1223. Wake up! These humans have besmirched
everything He's bestowed upon them.Copy !req
1224. They were given paradise;
they threw it away.Copy !req
1225. They were given this planet;
they destroyed it.Copy !req
1226. They were favored best
among all His endeavors...Copy !req
1227. and some of them
don't even believe He exists!Copy !req
1228. And in spite of it all...Copy !req
1229. He has shown them
infinite fucking patience...Copy !req
1230. at every turn.Copy !req
1231. What about us?Copy !req
1232. I asked you once...Copy !req
1233. to lay down the sword
because I felt sorry for them.Copy !req
1234. What was the result?Copy !req
1235. Our expulsion from paradise.Copy !req
1236. Where was His
infinite fucking patience then?Copy !req
1237. It's not right!
It's not fair!Copy !req
1238. We've paid our debt!Copy !req
1239. Don't you think it's time?Copy !req
1240. Don't you think it's time
we went home?Copy !req
1241. And to do that, I think we may have to
dispatch our would-be dispatchers.Copy !req
1242. Wait. Wait, wait.
Kill them?Copy !req
1243. You're talking about the last scion,
for Christ's sake.Copy !req
1244. And what about Jay and Bob?
Those guys were all right.Copy !req
1245. Don't.
Don't, my friend.Copy !req
1246. Don't let your sympathies
get the best of you.Copy !req
1247. They did me once.Copy !req
1248. Scion or not...Copy !req
1249. she's just a human...Copy !req
1250. and by passing through that arch
our sins are forgiven.Copy !req
1251. No harm, no foul.Copy !req
1252. My God.
I've heard a rant like this before.Copy !req
1253. What did you say?Copy !req
1254. - I've heard a rant like this before.
- Don't you do that to me.Copy !req
1255. - You sound like the morning star.
- You shut your fucking face!Copy !req
1256. You sound like Lucifer, man!
You've fucking lost it!Copy !req
1257. You're not talking about
going home, Bartleby.Copy !req
1258. You're talking about
fucking war on God.Copy !req
1259. Well, fuck that.Copy !req
1260. I have seen what happens to the proud
when they take on the Throne.Copy !req
1261. I'm going back to Wisconsin.Copy !req
1262. We're going home, Loki...Copy !req
1263. and no one, not you,
not even the Almighty Himself...Copy !req
1264. is gonna make that otherwise.Copy !req
1265. Shit.Copy !req
1266. Why couldn't we stay on the train?
You threw those guys off.Copy !req
1267. Very basic strategy.Copy !req
1268. If your enemies know where you are,
then don't be there.Copy !req
1269. Why are we enemies?Copy !req
1270. Well, I know I'd perceive the person
sent to kill me as an enemy.Copy !req
1271. What does that mean? Since when
am I supposed to kill anybody?Copy !req
1272. I'm tired
of all this cryptic bullshit.Copy !req
1273. I'm physically and psychologically
exhausted, Rufus...Copy !req
1274. and I'm ready to kick back
and welcome the end of existence...Copy !req
1275. unless you come clean right now.Copy !req
1276. Why me?Copy !req
1277. Out of all the people
on the goddamn planet, why was I tapped?Copy !req
1278. Imagine you're a 12-year-old boy.Copy !req
1279. You're told you're God's only son,
but more than that, you're God.Copy !req
1280. How long do you think it would take to
come to grips with something that huge?Copy !req
1281. Maybe, say, 18 years?Copy !req
1282. In the Bible, Jesus suddenly
goes from age 12 to 30. 12 to 30.Copy !req
1283. Now, that's some pretty bad
story telling.Copy !req
1284. Where are the volumes of text
dealing with the missing 18 years?Copy !req
1285. I'll tell you where.Copy !req
1286. They were offered up as a sacrifice
to the god of ecumenical politics.Copy !req
1287. You make it sound like
there's some church conspiracy...Copy !req
1288. to cover up
"the truth about Christ."Copy !req
1289. Oh, bullshit.Copy !req
1290. Any important material
about Christ...Copy !req
1291. would give people a better understanding
of the nature of God.Copy !req
1292. - Why would they leave any of it out?
- Because it's tied in with His family.Copy !req
1293. - His mother and father.
- His brothers and sisters.Copy !req
1294. Jesus didn't have brothers and sisters.
Mary was a virgin.Copy !req
1295. Mary gave birth to Christ without having
known a man's touch. This is true.Copy !req
1296. But she did have a husband.Copy !req
1297. do you really think he would've stayed
married to her for all those years...Copy !req
1298. if he wasn't gettin' laid?Copy !req
1299. The nature of God and the Virgin Birth,
those are leaps of faith.Copy !req
1300. But to believe a married couple never
got down, that's just plain gullibility.Copy !req
1301. Meaning?Copy !req
1302. The blood that flows
through your veins...Copy !req
1303. shares a chromosome or two
at the genetic level...Copy !req
1304. with the one you call Jesus.Copy !req
1305. Bethany, you are...Copy !req
1306. the great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-grandniece...Copy !req
1307. of Jesus Christ.Copy !req
1308. So, that would make Bethany
part black?Copy !req
1309. I can't do this anymore.Copy !req
1310. Where you gonna go?
You know what I'm saying is right.Copy !req
1311. - It's bullshit.
- Bethany.Copy !req
1312. It's bullshit!Copy !req
1313. Let her go, man.Copy !req
1314. Give her time.Copy !req
1315. Why?Copy !req
1316. What the fuck do You want from me?Copy !req
1317. I fucking hate You!Copy !req
1318. I hate You.Copy !req
1319. He can't hear you, you know.Copy !req
1320. That's why we needed you.Copy !req
1321. Why didn't you tell me?Copy !req
1322. Would you...Copy !req
1323. Could you have believed me?Copy !req
1324. It was something
you had to come to gradually.Copy !req
1325. Only after everything you've seen...Copy !req
1326. everything you've heard...Copy !req
1327. could you possibly be able
to accept the truth.Copy !req
1328. I don't want this.Copy !req
1329. It's too big.Copy !req
1330. That's what Jesus said.Copy !req
1331. I had to tell Him.Copy !req
1332. You can imagine
how that hurt the Father...Copy !req
1333. not to be able
to tell the Son Himself...Copy !req
1334. because one word from His lips would
destroy the boy's frail human form.Copy !req
1335. So I had to deliver the news
to a scared child...Copy !req
1336. who wanted nothing more
than to play with other children.Copy !req
1337. I had to tell this little boy
that He was God's only son...Copy !req
1338. and it meant a life of persecution
and eventual crucifixion...Copy !req
1339. at the hands of the very people
He'd come to enlighten and redeem.Copy !req
1340. He begged me to take it all back.Copy !req
1341. As if I could.Copy !req
1342. He begged me to
"make it all not true."Copy !req
1343. I'll let you in on something, Bethany,
something I've never told anyone before.Copy !req
1344. If I had the power...Copy !req
1345. I would have.Copy !req
1346. It's unfair.Copy !req
1347. It's unfair to ask a child
to shoulder that responsibility...Copy !req
1348. and to ask you to do the same now.Copy !req
1349. I sympathize. I do.Copy !req
1350. I wish I could take it all back.Copy !req
1351. But I can't.Copy !req
1352. This...Copy !req
1353. is who you are.Copy !req
1354. Everything I am has been a lie?Copy !req
1355. Knowing what you now know
doesn't mean you're not who you were.Copy !req
1356. You are...Copy !req
1357. Bethany Sloane.Copy !req
1358. No one can take that away from you,
not even God.Copy !req
1359. All this means is
a redefinition of that identity.Copy !req
1360. The incorporation of this new data
into who you are.Copy !req
1361. Be who you've always been.Copy !req
1362. Just...Copy !req
1363. be this as well...Copy !req
1364. from time to time.Copy !req
1365. Guess this means
no more cheating on my taxes.Copy !req
1366. To say the least.Copy !req
1367. Do you mind if we adjourn
to somewhere...Copy !req
1368. a tad more habitable...Copy !req
1369. and a bit warmer?Copy !req
1370. Fuck, I think this shit
just kicked in.Copy !req
1371. Weren't we just in the woods?
What are we doing here now?Copy !req
1372. Going out in style.Copy !req
1373. - The voice.
- The apostle.Copy !req
1374. Now, who's this motherfucker?Copy !req
1375. The voice of God.
Show some respect.Copy !req
1376. Oh, the voice of God.
Where's the rest of Him?Copy !req
1377. Funny you should mention that.
We're not sure.Copy !req
1378. - What?
- Didn't it ever occur to you...Copy !req
1379. that this Bartleby-Loki situation was
well within the sphere of His control?Copy !req
1380. Yes, but then why was she tapped?Copy !req
1381. You know those constitutionals
that He likes to take?Copy !req
1382. "Constitutionals"?Copy !req
1383. I think we're beyond euphemisms
at this point.Copy !req
1384. God's a skeeball fanatic.Copy !req
1385. The Lord has quite a fancy for the game.
He's been playing it for years.Copy !req
1386. He assumes a human form once a month
and indulges.Copy !req
1387. Doesn't tell anyone where He's playing.
He just goes away for a couple of hours.Copy !req
1388. And He always gives His free points away
to neighborhood children.Copy !req
1389. Isn't that sweet?Copy !req
1390. But She hasn't come back
from one of these day trips?Copy !req
1391. No, "She" hasn't...Copy !req
1392. and we've been unable to locate "Her."Copy !req
1393. He could've been killed.
Human form does have that drawback.Copy !req
1394. No, there's a different sort
of foul play a foot, children.Copy !req
1395. Whomever has set the renegade angels
on their path...Copy !req
1396. and is keeping them
quite well hidden...Copy !req
1397. is also responsible
for the Lord's whereabouts.Copy !req
1398. Were He to be killed in human form...Copy !req
1399. He'd have returned
immediately to Heaven.Copy !req
1400. Someone knew enough...Copy !req
1401. to keep Him biologically alive...Copy !req
1402. but incapacitate Him
in another fashion.Copy !req
1403. And as omnipotent as we are above...Copy !req
1404. I have to admit that we're
more or less lost without His presence.Copy !req
1405. We've looked everywhere for Him.Copy !req
1406. I tapped her because I thought we'd be
able to smoke out whoever's behind this.Copy !req
1407. But whoever he is has been clever enough
to send some lackeys after you...Copy !req
1408. as opposed to showing up
themselves.Copy !req
1409. Could it be Lucifer?Copy !req
1410. Not Lucifer.Copy !req
1411. If he was, he'd have made
his move by now to conquer Heaven.Copy !req
1412. And I know he's not responsible
for Bartleby and Loki...Copy !req
1413. because he's had just as much to lose
by their return as anybody else.Copy !req
1414. What do we do now?Copy !req
1415. I say we get drunk,
'cause I'm all out of ideas.Copy !req
1416. Why don't we just ask this guy
to close the church?Copy !req
1417. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
1418. The guy in charge
of the church thing.Copy !req
1419. Cardinal Glick?Copy !req
1420. Maybe we can ask him
to shut down the church.Copy !req
1421. If it's closed that day, those guys
can't get blessed or whatever, right?Copy !req
1422. Good Lord.Copy !req
1423. The little stoner's got a point.Copy !req
1424. Maybe we could talk this guy Glick into
cancelling the rededication ceremony.Copy !req
1425. "We"?Copy !req
1426. Are you saying you're back in,
Ms. I-Don't-Think-I-Can-Do-This-Anymore?Copy !req
1427. I wouldn't want to let the family down,
now would I?Copy !req
1428. Well...Copy !req
1429. the prophets finally
live up to their titles.Copy !req
1430. Mass attendance is at
an all-time low in this country...Copy !req
1431. but if we can let 'em know the
Catholic Church has a little panache...Copy !req
1432. we can win 'em back,
even get some new ones.Copy !req
1433. Excuse me.Copy !req
1434. Fill them pews, people.Copy !req
1435. That's the key.
Grab the little ones as well.Copy !req
1436. Hook 'em while they're young.Copy !req
1437. - Kinda like the tobacco industry.
- Christ, if only we had their numbers.Copy !req
1438. We really appreciate you seeing us
this late in the day, Your Eminence.Copy !req
1439. My friends and I have been traveling
all night in hope of talking to you...Copy !req
1440. about the St. Michael's
rededication ceremony.Copy !req
1441. You looking to help out in some way?Copy !req
1442. We'd like you to cancel the ceremony.Copy !req
1443. I beg your pardon.Copy !req
1444. There's gonna be a world of trouble if
tomorrow's ceremony goes on as planned.Copy !req
1445. are you pro-choice?Copy !req
1446. The trouble's not from us.Copy !req
1447. It's from these renegade angels that've
been stuck on Earth since the plagues.Copy !req
1448. These guys,
they think they're renegade angels.Copy !req
1449. See, Padre, it goes down like this.Copy !req
1450. These guys think that by passing through
that archway, they can go to Heaven.Copy !req
1451. You want me to call off the ceremony
for that.Copy !req
1452. Who sent you?Copy !req
1453. We were sent
by Him who is called I Am!Copy !req
1454. Cute. Really cute.Copy !req
1455. Playtime with the cardinal is over.Copy !req
1456. - Worked for Moses.
- Stay out of this.Copy !req
1457. It's not a joke.Copy !req
1458. I'm telling you, man,
this ceremony's a big mistake.Copy !req
1459. The Catholic Church
does not make mistakes.Copy !req
1460. Please! What about the Church's
silent consent of the slave trade?Copy !req
1461. And its platform of non involvement
during the Holocaust?Copy !req
1462. All right, mistakes were made.Copy !req
1463. But one can hardly hold the current
incarnation of Holy Mother Church...Copy !req
1464. responsible for the oversights of old.Copy !req
1465. I'm a very important man with important
matters that demand my attention...Copy !req
1466. so if you please...Copy !req
1467. - But tomorrow...
- Tomorrow goes off without a hitch.Copy !req
1468. Do I make myself clear?Copy !req
1469. Neither you nor any other influence
short of the hand of God Himself...Copy !req
1470. is gonna keep this thing
from going off without a hitch.Copy !req
1471. I can see the headlines now...Copy !req
1472. if there were gonna be any.Copy !req
1473. "Existence Erased."Copy !req
1474. Don't worry about it.
We evened the score.Copy !req
1475. Hand it over, Silent Bob.Copy !req
1476. What up.Copy !req
1477. You stole the cardinal's driver?Copy !req
1478. That's what he gets
for messin' with our girlfriend.Copy !req
1479. Cross-dressin' fuck.Copy !req
1480. That's sort of sweet.
Thanks, guys.Copy !req
1481. What do we do now
about Bartleby and Loki?Copy !req
1482. I guess we're gonna
have to try and kill 'em.Copy !req
1483. - You said they couldn't be killed.
- Correction.Copy !req
1484. They won't be killed.Copy !req
1485. And just to ensure that,
we're all gonna sit tight...Copy !req
1486. right here...Copy !req
1487. until those two idiots
pass through that arch.Copy !req
1488. There's only one idiot here,
Azrael...Copy !req
1489. and I'm looking right at him.Copy !req
1490. Muse!Copy !req
1491. Just in time to join us
for a drink.Copy !req
1492. Hey.
Where'd you come from?Copy !req
1493. - Where'd you come from?
- Me?Copy !req
1494. Nothingness.Copy !req
1495. And that's where I'm returning to
in approximately, oh, one hour.Copy !req
1496. All right, Plato,
sounds like you've had enough already.Copy !req
1497. - Let's go.
- Oh, darn it!Copy !req
1498. Come on, barkeep, just one drink.
One for the road, then I'm gone?Copy !req
1499. I was trying to find you to tell you
I figured out who was behind all this.Copy !req
1500. Is that who I think it is?Copy !req
1501. - None other than.
- Who is he?Copy !req
1502. All right, one drink.
Then you're gone.Copy !req
1503. Give me a...Copy !req
1504. Holy Bartender.Copy !req
1505. Never heard of it.Copy !req
1506. He doesn't know how to make
a Holy Bartender.Copy !req
1507. You do, don't you, Muse?Copy !req
1508. Don't.Copy !req
1509. Anybody?Copy !req
1510. No?Copy !req
1511. Well, I know how to make
a Holy Bartender.Copy !req
1512. Get it?Copy !req
1513. Sweet Jesus, Azrael!
Why?Copy !req
1514. Come on, Demon! Try that shit
on somebody who's already dead!Copy !req
1515. Oh, Apostle, you maintain
that kind of an attitude...Copy !req
1516. and you and the barkeep won't be
the only corpses in the room.Copy !req
1517. The Christ bitch will join you.Copy !req
1518. are you really that stupid?Copy !req
1519. You do know what's gonna happen
if those two jerks enter that church.Copy !req
1520. I'm actually counting on it.Copy !req
1521. And if my calculations
are correct...Copy !req
1522. the pawns are moving into checkmate
as we speak.Copy !req
1523. "Holy Bartender." I get it.
That's a great one!Copy !req
1524. I'd also like to acknowledge this great
state's governor, Elizabeth Dalton...Copy !req
1525. for coming this morning.Copy !req
1526. She's a Protestant, but we're
not gonna hold that against her.Copy !req
1527. Now, let me just tell you a little bit
of history about this particular...Copy !req
1528. hundred-years-young house of God.Copy !req
1529. God's house?Copy !req
1530. God doesn't live here anymore.Copy !req
1531. He's grown weary
of your superficial faith.Copy !req
1532. He's turned a deaf ear
to your lip-service prayers.Copy !req
1533. - He has abandoned you, his favorites...
- Sorry.Copy !req
1534. to the whim of judgment.Copy !req
1535. Hypocrites, charlatans...Copy !req
1536. prepare to taste God's wrath.Copy !req
1537. - Maybe we should just leave.
- You wanted your body count. You got it.Copy !req
1538. This lot is rife with sin.
We'll judge them all.Copy !req
1539. Officer McGhee.Copy !req
1540. All right, mouth piece...Copy !req
1541. let's leave the nice cardinal alone
and go for a ride.Copy !req
1542. Mr. McGhee, don't make me angry.Copy !req
1543. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.Copy !req
1544. Is that so?Copy !req
1545. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
1546. you have been judged as guilty of
violations against our Almighty God...Copy !req
1547. and this very day...Copy !req
1548. I assure you you will all
pay for your trespasses...Copy !req
1549. in blood.Copy !req
1550. - Wings. Now.
- I'm feeling a little exposed here.Copy !req
1551. Do it!Copy !req
1552. - So he's a muse too?
- Former muse.Copy !req
1553. He was kicked out.Copy !req
1554. Ever the fucking apple polisher.Copy !req
1555. Then what happened?Copy !req
1556. Yes, what?Copy !req
1557. Well, Lucifer just had to start
his little war for the throne.Copy !req
1558. Heaven became divided
into two factions...Copy !req
1559. the faithful and the renegades.Copy !req
1560. Oh, the Ethereal Plains
were chaotic with battle.Copy !req
1561. Angel against angel.Copy !req
1562. And when it was all over,
God cast the rebels into perdition.Copy !req
1563. But Azrael refused to fight.Copy !req
1564. He remained in the middle,
waiting to see who came out victorious.Copy !req
1565. What are you,
some kind of fuckin' chicken?Copy !req
1566. No.Copy !req
1567. I was an artist...Copy !req
1568. stupid!Copy !req
1569. I was inspiration!Copy !req
1570. A muse has no place in battle.Copy !req
1571. So after the fallen
were banished to Hell...Copy !req
1572. God turned on those
that wouldn't fight...Copy !req
1573. and Azrael was sent down
with the demons...Copy !req
1574. something he considers
a great injustice.Copy !req
1575. Oh, come on.Copy !req
1576. Don't tell me you never questioned
the judgment, Serendipity.Copy !req
1577. No.
It never bothered me.Copy !req
1578. So you were an artist.Copy !req
1579. Big deal!Copy !req
1580. Elvis was an artist...Copy !req
1581. but that didn't stop him from
joining the service in time of war.Copy !req
1582. That's why he is the king...Copy !req
1583. and you're a schmuck.Copy !req
1584. Nice.Copy !req
1585. So all this is about revenge.Copy !req
1586. You're gonna unmake existence
because you have a grudge against God?Copy !req
1587. After the first million years?
No.Copy !req
1588. Escape from Hell
became my all-consuming reason.Copy !req
1589. So I studied the religions and waited
for my opportunity to present itself...Copy !req
1590. which it finally did...Copy !req
1591. in Catholicism.Copy !req
1592. Plenary indulgence.Copy !req
1593. But I couldn't exercise it.Copy !req
1594. Demons can't become human.Copy !req
1595. No, we can't transubstantiate.Copy !req
1596. But angels can.Copy !req
1597. Bartleby and Loki.Copy !req
1598. After that it was a simple matter
of waiting for a church...Copy !req
1599. to celebrate their centennial...Copy !req
1600. and when that finally happened I sent
the pair an article laced with ideas.Copy !req
1601. An incantation
I picked up in the pit...Copy !req
1602. kept them cloaked
and off Heaven's radars.Copy !req
1603. And aside from the triplets here
and the Golgothan...Copy !req
1604. no soul in Hell had a clue
as to what was going on.Copy !req
1605. But the Almighty
could still putsch the whole deal...Copy !req
1606. so I dispatched Him
in a fairly ingenious fashion.Copy !req
1607. Her. And how?Copy !req
1608. That's the only thing
I couldn't figure out.Copy !req
1609. Oh, no, I've seen
way too many Bond movies to know...Copy !req
1610. that you never reveal
all the details of your plan...Copy !req
1611. no matter how close
you may think you are to winning.Copy !req
1612. The only "X" factor was the involvement
of the last scion here.Copy !req
1613. But fat lot of good that did, right?
I mean, here you all are.Copy !req
1614. Powerless to stop the inevitable.Copy !req
1615. Look, asshole, I don't know
if anyone explained the rules to you...Copy !req
1616. but if you succeed everything gets
blinked out of existence, even you.Copy !req
1617. Human, have you ever been to Hell?Copy !req
1618. I think not.Copy !req
1619. I'd rather not exist
than go back to that.Copy !req
1620. And if everyone has to
go down with me, so be it.Copy !req
1621. Still thinking only about yourself...Copy !req
1622. you fucking child!Copy !req
1623. Now, now, now.Copy !req
1624. Things are getting
too intense in here.Copy !req
1625. Hey! What say
we watch a little TV?Copy !req
1626. Yo, put on channel 9.
Davey and Goliath.Copy !req
1627. Actually, I was thinking
more along the lines of current events.Copy !req
1628. Keep rolling! Keep rolling!Copy !req
1629. I repeat,
men with huge fucking wings...Copy !req
1630. have laid waste to St. Michael's!Copy !req
1631. Bullets don't seem to affect them!Copy !req
1632. The remainder of the crowd
have dropped to their knees...Copy !req
1633. identifying this
as the fabled apocalypse.Copy !req
1634. Now, I'm not a man of faith,
but I'm inclined to agree.Copy !req
1635. Oh, God, please, don't come any closer!
God, no!Copy !req
1636. You see that?
And I told them to keep a low profile.Copy !req
1637. I'd be pissed, but in a couple minutes
it's not going to matter anyway.Copy !req
1638. Oh?Copy !req
1639. Oh, now what was that
all about?Copy !req
1640. What?Copy !req
1641. Oh, nothing.Copy !req
1642. I had something in my eye.Copy !req
1643. Now who's the fucking child?Copy !req
1644. What did you tell him,
to hit me with the golf club?Copy !req
1645. are you serious? I'm a fucking demon.
You'd have him assault me with a putter?Copy !req
1646. You want to play?
Then we'll play.Copy !req
1647. One side, Red.Copy !req
1648. Go ahead, then.
Pick it up.Copy !req
1649. Call it a gift.Copy !req
1650. Come on.Copy !req
1651. That's it.Copy !req
1652. Take a shot.Copy !req
1653. Take your best fucking shot.Copy !req
1654. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
Take it. Come on.Copy !req
1655. Come on, bright boy.Copy !req
1656. Don't you know anything?Copy !req
1657. Bethany, bless the sink!Copy !req
1658. - What?
- Just do it!Copy !req
1659. Bless the sink, damn it!Copy !req
1660. That's what you get,
motherfucker.Copy !req
1661. But I'm a fucking demon.Copy !req
1662. What just happened?Copy !req
1663. He said it himself:
"I'm a fucking demon."Copy !req
1664. Hit a demon with an instrument of God,
the pure side so it'll do some damage.Copy !req
1665. Silent Bob's an instrument of God?Copy !req
1666. No, but Glick's the kind of asshole
who'd bless his clubs for a better game.Copy !req
1667. - But the sink?
- You've got the divine heritage.Copy !req
1668. Sanctifying is just
one of the fringe benefits.Copy !req
1669. Remind me to try the water-to-wine thing
at my next party.Copy !req
1670. - How far away is this church?
- Three towns over, about ten miles.Copy !req
1671. - Rufus, grab the gun.
- Ten steps ahead of you.Copy !req
1672. Take the bartender's car.
He won't need it.Copy !req
1673. The whole fucking world's against us,
dude, I swear to God.Copy !req
1674. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1675. And people wonder why
I don't go to church anymore.Copy !req
1676. Are we too late?Copy !req
1677. To save these poor schmucks?Copy !req
1678. Yeah.Copy !req
1679. But we still exist.Copy !req
1680. Where are they?Copy !req
1681. They could already be
in the church.Copy !req
1682. Which means if they come out,
nobody touches them.Copy !req
1683. are you shitting me?Copy !req
1684. The brother here is gonna shred 'em with
his angel-be-good special. Huh, homey?Copy !req
1685. If they pass through that arch,
they come out clean.Copy !req
1686. And if they die,
they go straight up.Copy !req
1687. And hello!
We know what happens then, right?Copy !req
1688. - Why don't they just kill themselves?
- It's a mortal sin.Copy !req
1689. Die with a mortal sin on your soul and
you burn. They don't want to go to hell.Copy !req
1690. Then what, are we supposed to just wait
for a solution to fall from the sky?Copy !req
1691. Friend of yours?Copy !req
1692. No, that was a cardinal.Copy !req
1693. You can't tell from his face,
but the rosaries are a dead giveaway.Copy !req
1694. It's one of them!
Kill that motherfucker!Copy !req
1695. Don't you listen?Copy !req
1696. - We can't touch him!
- I wasn't. I was gonna shoot his ass.Copy !req
1697. He's been at it for a while now.Copy !req
1698. Please! Please!Copy !req
1699. We ran out of parishioners...Copy !req
1700. so he just started picking up folk
off the road and just dropping 'em.Copy !req
1701. This is just eons of repression
getting purged.Copy !req
1702. If only they'd let us jerk off.Copy !req
1703. Whoops.
Take a step back.Copy !req
1704. Let me go!Copy !req
1705. Why?
What are you trying to prove?Copy !req
1706. - All these people!
- Hey, this wasn't my idea!Copy !req
1707. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
1708. I just wanted to go home.Copy !req
1709. But him, you know...Copy !req
1710. he just lost it.Copy !req
1711. He realized who you were
and what you were gonna have to do.Copy !req
1712. He just snapped.Copy !req
1713. The funny thing is, this guy
could never even stand to see me work.Copy !req
1714. He said he felt sorry
for you people.Copy !req
1715. Now look at him.Copy !req
1716. This guy's fuckin' drunker than hell.Copy !req
1717. Which means he's human now.Copy !req
1718. His wings have been cut off.Copy !req
1719. The muse?Copy !req
1720. Oh, no way!Copy !req
1721. I haven't seen you...
You look terrific. Wow!Copy !req
1722. What's with the tits?
Can I...Copy !req
1723. Have you walked
through the arch yet?Copy !req
1724. Tell me. Have you gone in
and come out through the archway yet?Copy !req
1725. No!Copy !req
1726. He's back.Copy !req
1727. We were awaiting your arrival.Copy !req
1728. Bartleby, wait. Stop.
Listen to me.Copy !req
1729. You can't go through with this.
Azrael was just using you.Copy !req
1730. If you go back...Copy !req
1731. I've become aware of the repercussions.
I know what I'm doing.Copy !req
1732. You sick, twisted fuck!Copy !req
1733. You too know what it feels like
to be cast aside.Copy !req
1734. But you've only dealt with the pain
a few years.Copy !req
1735. I've dealt with it for a millennia.Copy !req
1736. While you never see your ex-husband or
how blissful he is with his new wife...Copy !req
1737. and he is...Copy !req
1738. seeing you people every day on this
perfect world He created for you...Copy !req
1739. is a constant reminder...Copy !req
1740. that though my kind came first...Copy !req
1741. your kind was most revered.Copy !req
1742. And while you know forgiveness...Copy !req
1743. we know only regret.Copy !req
1744. The lesson must be taught.Copy !req
1745. All are accountable...Copy !req
1746. even God.Copy !req
1747. Soon a cadre of police will arrive...Copy !req
1748. just in time to kill us
as we exit the church.Copy !req
1749. Then this failed experiment
called existence...Copy !req
1750. will cease to be.Copy !req
1751. No. Hey. Hey!Copy !req
1752. I can't let you do that,
Bartleby.Copy !req
1753. This has gone too far.Copy !req
1754. I might have to take you down.Copy !req
1755. It's okay. Shh.Copy !req
1756. I'll do it.Copy !req
1757. My compatriot.Copy !req
1758. Genocide takes a lot out of him.Copy !req
1759. He's weakened.Copy !req
1760. You're weak.Copy !req
1761. More importantly,
he's also a human being...Copy !req
1762. a condition which carries
two liabilities...Copy !req
1763. a conscience...Copy !req
1764. and...Copy !req
1765. a short life span.Copy !req
1766. I'm sorry, old friend,
but you lost the faith.Copy !req
1767. He's lost it.
We're fucked.Copy !req
1768. - We're absolutely fucked!
- I hear that shit.Copy !req
1769. I can't believe this.Copy !req
1770. We're on the brink of non existence,
and God's still nowhere to be found.Copy !req
1771. - What kind of deity gets kidnapped?
- Amen to that.Copy !req
1772. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
1773. If the whole world's gonna end,
you said you'd fuck me.Copy !req
1774. - You're a pig.
- Nobody's gonna beat that thing.Copy !req
1775. We can lay here all comatose like that
John Doe Jersey bastard over there...Copy !req
1776. - or we can get makin' with the love.
- What did you say?Copy !req
1777. Make with the love.
It's a nice way of saying boning.Copy !req
1778. No, about John Doe Jersey.Copy !req
1779. That guy, the one they won't take
off life support... John Doe Jersey.Copy !req
1780. This is where he's at...
St. Michael's Hospital.Copy !req
1781. Where's the nearest boardwalk?Copy !req
1782. I ain't got time to win you a prize.
We gotta get to the fucking.Copy !req
1783. - Where is it?
- Asbury Park, about five miles away.Copy !req
1784. - Have you ever been there?
- Once, with this chick.Copy !req
1785. We were about to fuck on the carousel
and I got sick, started puking.Copy !req
1786. - Do they have skeeball there?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1787. That's what I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
1788. What ever you do, stall Bartleby
from going into that church.Copy !req
1789. Bob, come with me.
Come on!Copy !req
1790. - How am I supposed to do that?
- Think of something!Copy !req
1791. I already did,
but it takes two of us!Copy !req
1792. I repeat, this is not a drill.Copy !req
1793. This is the apocalypse.Copy !req
1794. Please exit the hospital
in an orderly fashion.Copy !req
1795. Thank you.Copy !req
1796. Hey, Big Bird!Copy !req
1797. Ready for the counting game?Copy !req
1798. Count the shells, Suck-a-Duck.Copy !req
1799. No more bullets.Copy !req
1800. Now, what the fuck
would you do that for?Copy !req
1801. Angels have to cut their wings off
to become human.Copy !req
1802. You just did him a favor,
stupid!Copy !req
1803. I hope you're the skeeball type.Copy !req
1804. Oh, Bartleby.Copy !req
1805. Was Wisconsin really that bad?Copy !req
1806. Bow down, stupid!Copy !req
1807. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1808. Anyone who isn't dead
or from another plane of existence...Copy !req
1809. would do well to cover their ears
right about now.Copy !req
1810. What the fuck?Copy !req
1811. Thank you.Copy !req
1812. It never ends!Copy !req
1813. Get off of me.
I wanna see what's up.Copy !req
1814. What the fuck is this shit?Copy !req
1815. Who the fuck are you, lady?Copy !req
1816. Why the fuck did you hug my head?Copy !req
1817. Quite a little mouth on him,
isn't there?Copy !req
1818. What the fuck is this, The Piano?
Why ain't this broad talkin'?Copy !req
1819. I believe the answers that you seek
lie within my companion's eyes.Copy !req
1820. What the fuck does that mean?
Has everyone gone fuckin' nuts?Copy !req
1821. What the fuck happened
to that guy's head?Copy !req
1822. Shh.Copy !req
1823. Where was she?Copy !req
1824. Imprisoned in a body.Copy !req
1825. Bethany figured it all out.
She's a clever girl, that one.Copy !req
1826. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
1827. You missed a bit.Copy !req
1828. Well, then, you ready
to go back, apostle?Copy !req
1829. You ready to make some of those
changes I been talking about?Copy !req
1830. We'll see.Copy !req
1831. Muse?Copy !req
1832. Seeing as how you
just had to get involved...Copy !req
1833. you're welcome
to return with us as well.Copy !req
1834. First I gotta say good-bye to Bethany.
Where is she?Copy !req
1835. Oh, no.Copy !req
1836. Metatron, is she...Copy !req
1837. Afraid so.Copy !req
1838. One of the drawbacks to being a martyr
is that you have to die.Copy !req
1839. But no matter.Copy !req
1840. All is being taken care of.Copy !req
1841. How so?Copy !req
1842. Wax on, wax off.Copy !req
1843. How did I...Copy !req
1844. She can rebuild you.Copy !req
1845. She has the technology.Copy !req
1846. She can make you better,
stronger, faster.Copy !req
1847. That's...Copy !req
1848. A very relieved deity.Copy !req
1849. You did well, little girl.
I knew you'd come 'round.Copy !req
1850. Your kind always does.Copy !req
1851. You might want to
take good care of yourself.Copy !req
1852. We're gonna need you down the road.Copy !req
1853. I know.
I'm the last scion.Copy !req
1854. Well, you're half right.Copy !req
1855. You were the last scion.Copy !req
1856. But now...Copy !req
1857. this...Copy !req
1858. is the last scion.Copy !req
1859. I'm pregnant?Copy !req
1860. Can't put anything past you.Copy !req
1861. Take care of that parcel for us.Copy !req
1862. She has a world of work
ahead of her.Copy !req
1863. Thank you for...Copy !req
1864. I don't know...Copy !req
1865. everything.Copy !req
1866. God, there's a million things
I wish I could ask you...Copy !req
1867. most of it questioning your great plan,
and that'd be arrogant of me, I know.Copy !req
1868. But there is one I need to ask.Copy !req
1869. I'm sure you get it all the time, but
how many chances like this will I get?Copy !req
1870. Why are we here?Copy !req
1871. Didn't I tell you she was funny?Copy !req
1872. I really enjoyed meeting you.Copy !req
1873. It was an honor.Copy !req
1874. You did so well.Copy !req
1875. I told you She was a woman.Copy !req
1876. She's not really a woman.Copy !req
1877. She's not really anything.Copy !req
1878. She's something, all right.Copy !req
1879. Crisis of faith over?Copy !req
1880. I think I'm now burdened
with an over abundance.Copy !req
1881. When it rains, it pours.Copy !req
1882. are you saying you believe?Copy !req
1883. But I have a good idea.Copy !req
1884. Yes!Copy !req
1885. The Man was right about you.Copy !req
1886. Now I'm gonna go home
and tell Him so.Copy !req
1887. And if you clean up your language...Copy !req
1888. I just might put in
a good word for you too.Copy !req
1889. Thanks.Copy !req
1890. Why don't you name the kid
after me?Copy !req
1891. Rufus.Copy !req
1892. Yo, we should go to Quick Stop.Copy !req
1893. Youse guys
wanna hear something sick?Copy !req
1894. I got half a stalk
when she kissed me.Copy !req
1895. I couldn't help it.
The bitch was hot.Copy !req
1896. You can't talk to me that way anymore.
I'm gonna be somebody's mother.Copy !req
1897. You're pregnant?Copy !req
1898. You know, when you're pregnant you can
have sex until the third trimester.Copy !req
1899. I'll keep that in mind.Copy !req