1. Hand over the milk money, Weaver.Copy !req
2. I can't do that, Derek.Copy !req
3. I'm not sure
you'll spend it on milk.Copy !req
4. That's me, Mitch Weaver.Copy !req
5. That's Sam, my lifelong best friend.Copy !req
6. I never had a dad growing up,
so Sam's dad Pops filled in a little.Copy !req
7. He was a boxer, real tough guy.Copy !req
8. One thing to remember in life,
no matter where you go or what you do...Copy !req
9. don't take no crap from nobody.Copy !req
10. I never liked the guy,
but he was right about not taking crap.Copy !req
11. Wow! My dad sure is great.Copy !req
12. Hey, do you know where
he hides his guns?Copy !req
13. Don't worry.Copy !req
14. We planted the guns in the bully's desk
so he'd get in trouble.Copy !req
15. It wasn't me!Copy !req
16. Let me go!
They weren't mine!Copy !req
17. We always did stuff like that,
get back at people who messed with us.Copy !req
18. There was this crossing guard
used to grab all the kids' asses.Copy !req
19. Back then people weren't on
the lookout for that kind of thing.Copy !req
20. The only way to nail a guy like that
was to catch him red-handed.Copy !req
21. That's where Super Glue came in.Copy !req
22. Look, everybody! Crossing guard's
grabbing 8-year-old's ass over here!Copy !req
23. We really got back at
this ornery baby-sitter we didn't like.Copy !req
24. After all these years,
this picture still makes me horny.Copy !req
25. I mean, wistful!
It makes me wistful.Copy !req
26. When I was 16,
the saddest event of my life occurred.Copy !req
27. My mom died.Copy !req
28. Everyone did their best to console me,
particularly Aunt Jenny.Copy !req
29. It wasn't easy, because
I'm not comfortable expressing my...Copy !req
30. What do you call them? Emotions?Copy !req
31. Anyways, I learned to express myself
in other ways.Copy !req
32. I started making little notes to myself.Copy !req
33. Note to self.Copy !req
34. Remember, Aunt Jenny is your aunt.Copy !req
35. Then there was this character
we had to deal with.Copy !req
36. She thought just because she was
a meter maid...Copy !req
37. that she had the right to go around
giving everybody parking tickets.Copy !req
38. That's where the popcorn
came in handy.Copy !req
39. In high school, I still didn't take crap
from anyone, man or beast.Copy !req
40. This Doberman would always chase us.Copy !req
41. So we borrowed my cousin's
huge German shepherd...Copy !req
42. who also happens to be gay.Copy !req
43. Taught that Doberman some humility.Copy !req
44. Boy, those were the days.Copy !req
45. But then, something happened.
I grew up.Copy !req
46. Okay, 132 Highfield Avenue
in three minutes.Copy !req
47. I can make it.
I can make it.Copy !req
48. No!Copy !req
49. Hi, there.
Thirty minutes or free, right?Copy !req
50. And you took 32 minutes.Copy !req
51. So close and yet so far.Copy !req
52. Gimme a break. That free pizza
comes out of my paycheck.Copy !req
53. That doesn't seem fair, does it?Copy !req
54. Then the guy says,
"If you want the money for this pizza...Copy !req
55. you tell Aldo and the rest
of those sweaty Italian fruits...Copy !req
56. to come down
and get it from me themselves."Copy !req
57. Also, he started saying nasty things
about that Mussolini character.Copy !req
58. The guy called.
I know you didn't make it on time.Copy !req
59. None of the other pizza places have
the 30-minute thing anymore.Copy !req
60. Can't we drop it?Copy !req
61. You think we should drop
the 30-minute guarantee?Copy !req
62. You think Aldo's should be
just like all the others?Copy !req
63. Mitch Weaver, you're not fit
to wear this shirt.Copy !req
64. That's my Canadians jersey.Copy !req
65. You have anything in a 10-1/2 wide?Copy !req
66. Toni-Ann, what are you doing?Copy !req
67. I've had it. Uncle Aldo called.
He told me he fired you.Copy !req
68. That's your 14th job in the past
three months! I can't take it anymore!Copy !req
69. Honey, I understand you're upset.Copy !req
70. Maybe you'll feel better
after we have some dirty sex.Copy !req
71. Forget it! I'm through
wasting my life with you.Copy !req
72. Good-bye!Copy !req
73. - What about the rest of my stuff?
- Your stuff?Copy !req
74. There is no "your stuff."Copy !req
75. I have paid for everything
in this apartment.Copy !req
76. Wait a minute. That's not true.Copy !req
77. I paid for the popcorn machine.Copy !req
78. What's up, fruity?Copy !req
79. Hey, ass-bite.Copy !req
80. By the looks of this popcorn machine, I
guess she tossed you out for good?Copy !req
81. Yep.Copy !req
82. Passed your car back there.Copy !req
83. - It's a nasty flat, but I can fix it.
- Thanks, Sam.Copy !req
84. I was wondering. Could I crash
with you and your dad for a while?Copy !req
85. No. I'm gonna turn away my best friend
so he's gotta sleep in his car. Come on.Copy !req
86. Hey, that's my shirt.Copy !req
87. You're wearing my shirt.Copy !req
88. Here you go.Copy !req
89. No, that's all right.Copy !req
90. I was talking to somebody else
that's different than you.Copy !req
91. Two, three, up.Copy !req
92. Press those knees straight.Copy !req
93. And again. Take it down.Copy !req
94. Two, three...Copy !req
95. and lift it up.Copy !req
96. - Pops, how you doin'?
- Pretty good, son.Copy !req
97. But it'd be goin' a lot better
if you brought me a whore.Copy !req
98. I thought you couldn't...Copy !req
99. I can't but...Copy !req
100. I subscribe to this magazine
to give me a few ideas.Copy !req
101. There's an article about home
stereo equipment, too. That's for you.Copy !req
102. That's great.Copy !req
103. - I'll be right back, all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
104. Do me a favor.Copy !req
105. Could you stay with him for a while?Copy !req
106. What's the matter?Copy !req
107. You know how I feel about your father.
I'm uncomfortable around him.Copy !req
108. He's kind of... I don't know.Copy !req
109. Creepy, you know?Copy !req
110. He creeps the hell out of me,
to tell you the truth.Copy !req
111. He likes you.Copy !req
112. I gotta call somebody
to borrow a jack.Copy !req
113. Stay with him for a while.Copy !req
114. All right.Copy !req
115. Feelin' okay, Mr. McKenna?Copy !req
116. Don't worry about me.Copy !req
117. I just want to thank you
for spending a little time with me.Copy !req
118. - Well, no problem.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
119. - I also want to say I'm sorry.
- Sorry for what?Copy !req
120. For being a creepy old man.Copy !req
121. I apologize, you rotten bastard!Copy !req
122. - You say those things about me?
- Pops! Pops! Let go!Copy !req
123. Get out of here, Sam!
I'll kill this bastard!Copy !req
124. I can still hear,
no matter how creepy I look.Copy !req
125. - It's Mitch! Let go.
- All right, take him.Copy !req
126. Everything's falling apart.Copy !req
127. Remember how things were
when we were young?Copy !req
128. Yeah, it was great.Copy !req
129. Yeah, it was.Copy !req
130. I felt good about myself back then.Copy !req
131. If somebody messed with me, no problem.
I didn't take crap from anybody.Copy !req
132. Now I'm in my 30s, I can't hold a job.
I go out with women I don't even like.Copy !req
133. Worst of all, I take crap
from absolutely everybody.Copy !req
134. Things could be worse.Copy !req
135. I could've got my nose bit off
by a Saigon whore.Copy !req
136. You bastard!Copy !req
137. I'm just messin' with you, Jimmy.
I saw you down there.Copy !req
138. Get Jimmy a beer on me.Copy !req
139. Okay. It's okay.Copy !req
140. Wow, look at her.Copy !req
141. Yeah. She's all yours, buddy.
Go get her.Copy !req
142. Hi. How ya doin'?
I'm Sam McKenna.Copy !req
143. I live with my dad.Copy !req
144. It appears Travis Cole
has bailed out the city once again...Copy !req
145. coming up with the necessary funding
to save the Chelsea Opera House.Copy !req
146. How could a man in my position
not step in and do his civic duty?Copy !req
147. That opera house is part
of this city's heritage.Copy !req
148. Heck, yes, I'm gonna keep it up
and running.Copy !req
149. I love this city,
and as we all know...Copy !req
150. I love opera.Copy !req
151. Right, Spunky?Copy !req
152. A guy like Travis Cole
has a great life.Copy !req
153. Why? Just because he's rich?Copy !req
154. No. Because he doesn't take crap
from anybody.Copy !req
155. There are two kinds of people in this
those who get stomped on...Copy !req
156. and those who do the stomping.Copy !req
157. Where'd you come up
with that theory?Copy !req
158. That famous guy said it.
What's his name?Copy !req
159. Yeah. Jesus.Copy !req
160. Hi. I'm Mitch.Copy !req
161. Hello, Mitch.Copy !req
162. Maybe later you'll drop by the house.Copy !req
163. You know, check out the hot tub.Copy !req
164. - Hey, pal, beat it!
- Why don't you beat it?Copy !req
165. The lady obviously isn't interested
in you, jerk-off! So get lost!Copy !req
166. Maybe we should let the lady decide.Copy !req
167. - I think you should fight it out.
- Good idea.Copy !req
168. - Great idea!
- Brilliant idea!Copy !req
169. - I love the idea.
- Terry, Jack, Mike, Rick.Copy !req
170. No. My dumb friend needs me.
I gotta go.Copy !req
171. Well, Mitch, looks like
we've got ourselves a fight.Copy !req
172. Great. It's fightin' time.
Can I be on their side?Copy !req
173. Looks like there's gonna be a brawl.
You playin' something good?Copy !req
174. Hell, yeah!
Rolling Stones' "Street Fighting Man."Copy !req
175. G-7!Copy !req
176. You just hit G-8.Copy !req
177. Bring it on!Copy !req
178. How come you get a pool cue?Copy !req
179. Come on.
You fell right into my trap.Copy !req
180. Sammy, bite 'em!
Bite 'em in the nose!Copy !req
181. Note to self.
Learn to fight.Copy !req
182. I wanna go over there and rip
their heads off, every one of them.Copy !req
183. That would probably work, since they're
so tired from beating us mercilessly.Copy !req
184. But since we rented the cop uniforms,
let's try it my way, all right?Copy !req
185. - Hey, dude, what's up?
- Neil, is that you?Copy !req
186. Yeah, it's me, Neil.Copy !req
187. It's Jason. We just got back from
beating these guys. Messed 'em up good!Copy !req
188. The whole time, this guy's lying there,
crying like a little girl.Copy !req
189. - Wait, I'll get Terry.
- Don't get Terry. I mean...Copy !req
190. The reason I'm calling is this.Copy !req
191. There's these guys going around
to frat houses pretending to be cops.Copy !req
192. But they're not real cops.
They're fake cops.Copy !req
193. They just robbed a bunch of stuff
from the Delta Psi house.Copy !req
194. So don't be fooled, okay?Copy !req
195. Sure thing.
Thanks for calling.Copy !req
196. Okay, no problem, dude.Copy !req
197. Now you go back to doing something
latently homoerotic, all right?Copy !req
198. Hello, real cops?
Yes, I'd like to register a complaint.Copy !req
199. We got a complaint about the noise.Copy !req
200. Whatever you say, Officer.Copy !req
201. Officer down! We need backup!Copy !req
202. - Okay, we'll take care of these two.
- You got it.Copy !req
203. Hey, frat sisters, remember us?Copy !req
204. I'll take this one.Copy !req
205. - I'll take the next one.
- All right, man.Copy !req
206. That felt great, man,
getting back at those guys tonight.Copy !req
207. I've got to admit, that was brilliant,
what you did.Copy !req
208. You are the king of revenge.Copy !req
209. Pipe down! I'm trying to watch
these broads work out.Copy !req
210. - You want another beer?
- Yeah.Copy !req
211. Mitch, you wanna come over here?Copy !req
212. I'm not falling for that one again.Copy !req
213. - I think I'm having a heart attack.
- Not gonna work.Copy !req
214. Pops! You all right?Copy !req
215. I'm gonna let him sleep.Copy !req
216. Could you stay with him
while I find the doctor?Copy !req
217. - Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.Copy !req
218. I'm glad you came.Copy !req
219. Hey, Mr. McKenna.
I'll go get Sam.Copy !req
220. No, hold on.
There's something I want to tell you.Copy !req
221. I'm gonna find Sam.Copy !req
222. Mitch, sit your ass down!Copy !req
223. It's embarrassing being physically
afraid of a hundred-year-old man...Copy !req
224. who just had a coronary...Copy !req
225. so could we hurry this up?Copy !req
226. I'm not doin' too well.Copy !req
227. So knowing that, I think
I better tell you this now.Copy !req
228. - Tell me what?
- I'm your father.Copy !req
229. You must be delirious,
because you're not my father.Copy !req
230. I don't know who my father is,
but it's not you.Copy !req
231. Here, Mitch.Copy !req
232. Look at the picture
in this locket.Copy !req
233. Holy Lord!Copy !req
234. That's a picture of you and my mom
having sex!Copy !req
235. God! Why would you show me that?Copy !req
236. I'm sorry, son.Copy !req
237. I figured you'd never believe me
unless I showed you that picture.Copy !req
238. I loved your mother as a friend, but it
wasn't true love. We both knew that.Copy !req
239. Besides, back then they didn't have
these fancy birth control methods.Copy !req
240. Like pullin' out.Copy !req
241. God!Copy !req
242. Stop sayin' dirty stuff for a second,
would you?Copy !req
243. Does Sam know about this?Copy !req
244. No. And I don't want you to tell him.Copy !req
245. Why not?Copy !req
246. I don't want him to feel
he's been lied to his entire life.Copy !req
247. Down deep he's very sensitive.Copy !req
248. Promise me you won't tell him.Copy !req
249. I can't promise you.Copy !req
250. Sam's got a right to know.Copy !req
251. I'm gonna tell him.Copy !req
252. Hello. I'm Dr. Farthing.Copy !req
253. Are you Mr. McKenna's son?Copy !req
254. I gotta talk to Sam.Copy !req
255. Mitch, don't tell him!
Don't you tell him!Copy !req
256. Now, let me ask you.Copy !req
257. Are you a betting man?Copy !req
258. I don't know. Sure.Copy !req
259. If someone were taking bets on
your father's bout with death...Copy !req
260. I'd bet everything I own on death.Copy !req
261. It's a good bet.
The odds are he'll probably die.Copy !req
262. Couldn't you have prepared him
for that?Copy !req
263. Well...Copy !req
264. kind of thought I did
with that betting analogy.Copy !req
265. What is wrong with my dad?Copy !req
266. Your dad?Copy !req
267. In a nut shell,
your dad needs a heart transplant.Copy !req
268. Because of his age,
he's low priority on the donor's list.Copy !req
269. Was your father a famous athlete
or rock star?Copy !req
270. No. He was a boxer,
but he wasn't famous.Copy !req
271. Sorry, no heart there.Copy !req
272. But, for $600...Copy !req
273. I could sell you
a fully-adjustable hospital bed.Copy !req
274. Are you crazy?
I don't need a bed.Copy !req
275. Playing hardball, are you?
Okay, $550.Copy !req
276. I don't have to sit here
and listen to this!Copy !req
277. No, wait.Copy !req
278. I can't believe this is happening.Copy !req
279. Wait. Where're you goin'?
Your friend's leaving...Copy !req
280. Come back here. I can help him.Copy !req
281. Please, come back, sit down.Copy !req
282. I'm sorry.
I'm a compulsive gambler.Copy !req
283. Now, I know there's nobody to blame
for this but myself.Copy !req
284. I don't know. Maybe the Buffalo Bills,
or the Boston Red Sox or Mr. "T"...Copy !req
285. or the Jets.Copy !req
286. Mr. "T"? Are you telling me
that you bet on the fight...Copy !req
287. in Rocky III,
and you bet against Rocky?Copy !req
288. Hindsight is 20/20, my friend.Copy !req
289. The point is, I'm in trouble.Copy !req
290. Deep trouble. Which could be good
for Mr. McKenna's father.Copy !req
291. There is a way I can get his name bumped
to the top of the list to get his heart.Copy !req
292. How?Copy !req
293. If you pay me $50,000.Copy !req
294. - Did you say $50,000?
- No.Copy !req
295. I whispered $50,000.
I need it in two weeks.Copy !req
296. This is awful, but I've given these
bookies practically everything I have.Copy !req
297. When I was young, my mom used to tell me
that the lights we see in the sky...Copy !req
298. are from stars that burned out
millions of years ago.Copy !req
299. It's like life.Copy !req
300. Something can be one way you think
all your life...Copy !req
301. and in reality
it's completely different.Copy !req
302. Yeah.Copy !req
303. I'm gonna kill you, asshole!Copy !req
304. Sam, are you pissing
off the side of the building?Copy !req
305. Sort of.Copy !req
306. You know, I'm going crazy here
over Pops. He's gonna die!Copy !req
307. He's not gonna die. You're gonna get
the money and get him a heart.Copy !req
308. $50,000 in two weeks?
Come on!Copy !req
309. My sister Carol said she'd send
two grand. Where will I get the rest?Copy !req
310. - Are you gonna not try?
- Of course I'm gonna try!Copy !req
311. What if I got a job?Copy !req
312. Maybe I could pay this guy off
in installments.Copy !req
313. Yes. Now you're talkin'.
I'll help you every step of the way.Copy !req
314. Thanks, buddy.Copy !req
315. You little bastards!Copy !req
316. That was a hell of a piss.Copy !req
317. Look at the "help wanted" section.Copy !req
318. I'm looking at the "buy and sell" ads.
Maybe we can sell something.Copy !req
319. - Just look for a job.
- All right, all right!Copy !req
320. Movie line comin' up.Copy !req
321. How's that lookin', baby?Copy !req
322. He was supposed to keep drivin'.Copy !req
323. To start with,
the bottom stair is a roundover.Copy !req
324. It does a 180 into the newel post.Copy !req
325. The bannister has a 90 degree easement
and dies into the newel post.Copy !req
326. Ninety degrees.Copy !req
327. - That's gonna be a problem.
- What's the problem?Copy !req
328. We lied on our resumes.
We know nothing about construction.Copy !req
329. When is lunch?Copy !req
330. You're fired.Copy !req
331. Ass-bite, you sure this is a good idea?Copy !req
332. Hell, yeah.
It's 50 bucks for eatin' brownies.Copy !req
333. They are safe, but there is a chance
of some side effects...Copy !req
334. including mild itching, nausea, chills,
hallucinations and rashes.Copy !req
335. These are good?
Aren't they good?Copy !req
336. I think I feel a slight itch.Copy !req
337. No, maybe not.Copy !req
338. Could be my imagination.Copy !req
339. We eat the pig and
then together we burn.Copy !req
340. - What you talkin' about, Satan?
- Come with me.Copy !req
341. You belong with me.Copy !req
342. Burn!Copy !req
343. The hell with that job.
Who wants to be itchy anyway?Copy !req
344. All right. Everybody line up.Copy !req
345. Don't be dummies.
Just get in line.Copy !req
346. That's fine.Copy !req
347. Gentlemen, members of the national
office are coming here tonight...Copy !req
348. for their annual inspection
of this theater.Copy !req
349. Right now, I'm going to explain to you
my managing style...Copy !req
350. for the benefit of the new guys.Copy !req
351. So there you are, tubby.Copy !req
352. You look like a bucket of lard
on a bad day.Copy !req
353. You baby gorilla.Copy !req
354. Why don't you work the zoo
and stop bothering people?Copy !req
355. Got a call yesterday
from Baskin Robbins.Copy !req
356. They said that they're down
to only five flavors.Copy !req
357. You're swelling up as I talk to you.Copy !req
358. Look at you. How's this?
How's it doin'?Copy !req
359. Hello, ice cream.
Having a good time running around?Copy !req
360. Are you laughing 'cause I called your
friend a fat pig? Think that's funny?Copy !req
361. I was laughing earlier
when you were talking to his belly.Copy !req
362. Why don't you get a horse and live
in the mountains? Don't bother anybody.Copy !req
363. You've got a personality
like a dead moth.Copy !req
364. Okay, the fun's over.Copy !req
365. Anybody messes this thing up
for me tonight is through.Copy !req
366. Not only are you fired,
your life is over.Copy !req
367. I'll see to it you never work again, and
wind up tearing tickets off in Kuwait.Copy !req
368. Everybody's sucking sand.Copy !req
369. Nobody messes up, understand me?Copy !req
370. Don't mess up!Copy !req
371. That guy's gonna be our boss?Copy !req
372. After a speech like that, how does
he expect us not to screw him over?Copy !req
373. Every one of us said the same thing
our first day working for Hamilton...Copy !req
374. only nobody does anything.Copy !req
375. Trust me, this isn't just talk.
Nobody screws me over like that.Copy !req
376. - Me, neither.
- I can't help you. I need this job.Copy !req
377. But if you really screw over Hamilton,
I'll give you ten bucks.Copy !req
378. Mark me down for $20.Copy !req
379. Mr. Witherspoon.Copy !req
380. Class operation, Hamilton.
Good job.Copy !req
381. Thank you.
Let me get you some refreshments.Copy !req
382. Okay, we're all set.Copy !req
383. One, two, three. Look away!Copy !req
384. Look, an alien.Copy !req
385. Yeah, we better have sex
with each other.Copy !req
386. Note to self.
Sam just looked at the screen.Copy !req
387. No, I didn't.
I was just making sure the reel had...Copy !req
388. - This alien looks like a hot guy.
- Right. We better have sex with him.Copy !req
389. Gimme that.
It took long enough, you dummy.Copy !req
390. Hamilton, you're through.Copy !req
391. That was amazing.
You should do that stuff for a living.Copy !req
392. Sam, tonight...Copy !req
393. we made a wad of cash for doing
something that comes natural to us.Copy !req
394. Revenge.Copy !req
395. We should open
a "revenge for hire" business.Copy !req
396. I've never heard of
a "revenge for hire" business.Copy !req
397. Exactly. We'd be the first.Copy !req
398. With every genius business idea,
there's got to be a first.Copy !req
399. Like the guy who first thought
of delivering pizza to people's houses.Copy !req
400. Or the guy who invented crack.Copy !req
401. Who's gonna hire us?Copy !req
402. I have a feeling people are going
to pay us a lot of money...Copy !req
403. to do their dirty work.Copy !req
404. Okay, let's get a few things
straight here.Copy !req
405. As long as the rent's on time,
you don't wreck the place, we're okay.Copy !req
406. If not...Copy !req
407. I punch you in the stomach.Copy !req
408. If that ever comes up,
that Sam's department.Copy !req
409. Yeah, that's my department.Copy !req
410. Good.Copy !req
411. Good luck to you.Copy !req
412. Thanks.Copy !req
413. Mildred!Copy !req
414. Wait up.Copy !req
415. - Hi, Rich.
- Hi, Mildred.Copy !req
416. I guess you forgot my name.
It's not Mildred, it's Kathy.Copy !req
417. No, I didn't forget.
You never told me, so I just guessed.Copy !req
418. That's a novel approach.Copy !req
419. So, how'd the fight with
those fraternity guys turn out?Copy !req
420. We kicked their ass!Copy !req
421. I was punching one guy
and kicking this other guy.Copy !req
422. I threw one dude right through
a plate glass window.Copy !req
423. - Really?
- Sort of, except the exact opposite.Copy !req
424. Don't you think it's silly
for grown men to fight?Copy !req
425. Did you see the movie Kickboxer?
They're all grown men.Copy !req
426. Are we going to your apartment now?Copy !req
427. I'm going back to work.Copy !req
428. - Where do you work?
- Right there.Copy !req
429. Phillips Motors!
Are you a dirty car salesman?Copy !req
430. - No. I'm a dirty accountant.
- Hey, Kathy!Copy !req
431. Break's over, sweetheart.
Get your ass in here! Now!Copy !req
432. - Who's that dude?
- Anton Phillips, the owner.Copy !req
433. - Does he always talk to you like that?
- Well, yeah.Copy !req
434. But he's doing a live TV commercial
tomorrow, so he's worse than usual.Copy !req
435. Anyway, it was nice
seeing you again, Mitch.Copy !req
436. Live TV commercial?Copy !req
437. Okay, settle down, prostitutes.Copy !req
438. Understand that you each get $20,
and this requires no sex.Copy !req
439. No sex at all...Copy !req
440. regardless of what
this character tells you.Copy !req
441. - What's the matter with you?
- What's the matter?Copy !req
442. We spend most of the money
my sister sent for Pops on this office.Copy !req
443. And now we're wasting the rest of it
so you can impress some girl?Copy !req
444. No. This isn't for her.Copy !req
445. This is so we can get a free commercial
for Dirty Work on live television.Copy !req
446. And in five, four, three, two.Copy !req
447. Hello, everyone.
I'm Anton Phillips...Copy !req
448. President of Phillips Motors.Copy !req
449. We'll return in a moment
to the Channel 11 Movie Matinee...Copy !req
450. but I'm here with you live to show you
some great luxury automobiles.Copy !req
451. Like this one-year-old
Cadillac Deville...Copy !req
452. priced right at $36,000.Copy !req
453. Fully loaded:
V-8 engine, standard.Copy !req
454. Shock-resistant CD player, standard.Copy !req
455. - The trunk looks kinda small.
- This is live!Copy !req
456. I'm on live T...
Trunk's fine.Copy !req
457. As you can see, friends,
it's not small.Copy !req
458. It's a big trunk.
I'll show you right here.Copy !req
459. You got a dead hooker in the trunk!Copy !req
460. No! It can't be.Copy !req
461. - It was. It was a dead hooker.
- It wasn't a dead hooker!Copy !req
462. - I know a dead hooker when I see one.
- What's happening?Copy !req
463. - Come on down.
- Here's another dead hooker!Copy !req
464. What?Copy !req
465. My goodness!Copy !req
466. I've never seen so many dead hookers
in all my life.Copy !req
467. Lord knows I have.Copy !req
468. - I can remember a time...
- Look, there's Mitch on TV.Copy !req
469. Yeah, there's Mitch.Copy !req
470. And there's the Saigon whore...Copy !req
471. that bit my nose off!Copy !req
472. These are nice cars.
These are luxury automobiles.Copy !req
473. I've got a whole place.
They're fully loaded.Copy !req
474. They're loaded
with dead hookers.Copy !req
475. You're seein' things.
Don't shoot this.Copy !req
476. - This is not part of the commercial.
- Some jerk making your life miserable?Copy !req
477. You want revenge? Call 555-0187
and let us do your dirty work.Copy !req
478. And we're clear.Copy !req
479. Wake up, slut!Copy !req
480. Well, well, well.Copy !req
481. We meet again.
Nose biter!Copy !req
482. Time to pay the fiddler, whore!Copy !req
483. That was great.
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
484. Nurse, record vital signs, please.Copy !req
485. If that stethoscope is as freezing cold
as it was yesterday...Copy !req
486. I'm gonna shove it
right up your ass!Copy !req
487. Vital signs normal.Copy !req
488. Hey, Pops!Copy !req
489. Sam! Mitch!
What are you two fruits up to?Copy !req
490. You should've seen it.
We just did this cool thing on TV...Copy !req
491. that should really help
our revenge business.Copy !req
492. We found our calling.Copy !req
493. Looking back, I must've been your age
when I found my calling.Copy !req
494. So you became a boxer?Copy !req
495. That's when I started working
in stag films.Copy !req
496. I'm gonna find Dr. Farthing.Copy !req
497. Hey, look, Pops.Copy !req
498. - I gotta tell you something.
- What?Copy !req
499. I've made up my mind.
I'm going to tell Sam.Copy !req
500. Or not!Copy !req
501. I'd appreciate it
if you didn't tell Sam.Copy !req
502. He might react badly.Copy !req
503. I wouldn't want anything to break up
our relationship before I die.Copy !req
504. Okay, I won't tell him.Copy !req
505. Yeah.Copy !req
506. Note to self.
Forget about fathering children.Copy !req
507. - Any bleeding?
- Only when I sit down.Copy !req
508. What happened to your arm?Copy !req
509. I'm not sure. It's either
from sleeping on it the wrong way...Copy !req
510. or from bookmakers throwing me out
of a speeding car.Copy !req
511. - Did you get the 50 grand?
- Not yet.Copy !req
512. If we get some money in two weeks,
could we pay the rest in installments?Copy !req
513. No. Well, there are nine days left.Copy !req
514. Might I suggest kidnapping the child
of a celebrity?Copy !req
515. You know, I realize Pops isn't your
favorite person in the whole world...Copy !req
516. so I appreciate how hard
you're trying to help him out.Copy !req
517. That's nice.Copy !req
518. I've gotta tell you something.Copy !req
519. Your father is not only your father.Copy !req
520. He's also...Copy !req
521. He's also a good man.Copy !req
522. Your father is a good man.Copy !req
523. Yeah.Copy !req
524. Mitch, you know...Copy !req
525. I wanted to...Copy !req
526. You're my best friend, man.Copy !req
527. Keep your distance there, Liberace.Copy !req
528. I was just...Copy !req
529. Hey, Kathy!
I'm glad to see you.Copy !req
530. Did you really think you were helping me
with that disgusting stunt?Copy !req
531. Hey, maybe you don't realize it,
but that disgusting stunt...Copy !req
532. was this idiot's way of saying
he likes you.Copy !req
533. I'm gonna stand over there.Copy !req
534. The guy deserved it.Copy !req
535. Because of what you did,
Anton had to sell the dealership.Copy !req
536. Now I'm out of a job.
Did I deserve that?Copy !req
537. No, but you shouldn't work for a guy
who treats you bad anyway.Copy !req
538. That is a decision for me to make,
not you or your awful company.Copy !req
539. Putting prostitutes
in the trunks of cars?Copy !req
540. - That is so...
- Cool!Copy !req
541. The dead hooker in the trunk thing
was the coolest thing ever.Copy !req
542. Wow, Mitch, congratulations.Copy !req
543. Now you're famous for being a jerk.Copy !req
544. I wish some girl would look at me
the way she looks at you.Copy !req
545. What are you talking about?
She hates me.Copy !req
546. No, she's mad at you.
There's a difference.Copy !req
547. She's mad at you
because she likes you so much.Copy !req
548. I'm short, not invisible.
Can I get a little help down here?Copy !req
549. Heather, who works here,
is an abusive drunk.Copy !req
550. Calls me names. Hits me.
Your classic dwarf hater.Copy !req
551. Here she comes.Copy !req
552. Move over, short stuff.Copy !req
553. Hey, baby, you ever had a chick
with a beard before?Copy !req
554. I can't say that I have,
bearded broad.Copy !req
555. Then, sugar, you haven't lived.Copy !req
556. Note to self.
I don't want to live.Copy !req
557. I'll be in my trailer, honey.Copy !req
558. If you want it, come and get it.Copy !req
559. Does that go for me, too?Copy !req
560. So can you help me?Copy !req
561. Yeah, we can help you.Copy !req
562. No beard.Copy !req
563. My problem is with
these guys next door.Copy !req
564. They drive around in their Porsche
90 miles an hour where my kids play...Copy !req
565. blasting their music.Copy !req
566. They have loud, wild parties
still going on when I get up for work.Copy !req
567. - Sounds awful.
- It's unbearable.Copy !req
568. It's unbearable to live next door
to that house.Copy !req
569. Then we'll make it unbearable
to live in that house.Copy !req
570. This should do it.Copy !req
571. Mitch, this is brutal.Copy !req
572. We hide these fish
all over the house?Copy !req
573. And they'll stink for days.Copy !req
574. Okay, let's go.Copy !req
575. Come on, quick.Copy !req
576. My flight doesn't leave for an hour.Copy !req
577. - Nice place you've got.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
578. You want it?Copy !req
579. Check it out.Copy !req
580. Looks good.Copy !req
581. What's the problem?Copy !req
582. Smells like fish.Copy !req
583. What was that? Some sort of signal?Copy !req
584. Is that a signal?
You wearing a wire?Copy !req
585. No. It really does smell
like fish in here.Copy !req
586. You're a damn cop! That's it.Copy !req
587. Show these guys what we do to cops.Copy !req
588. Say hello to the devil for me.Copy !req
589. Behind you!Copy !req
590. I've been hit. Kill them!Copy !req
591. Kill them!Copy !req
592. Make your gun fight
like the devil himself!Copy !req
593. Burn in hell, you bastards!Copy !req
594. Sweet Jesus! He got me.Copy !req
595. Mark, over there. Grab it.
I use it to cut firewood.Copy !req
596. What's he using? You're killing me
with that chain saw!Copy !req
597. He took away my chain saw,
and now he's using it on me.Copy !req
598. My, God! Is that a hand grenade?Copy !req
599. Good Lord!Copy !req
600. We gotta get out of here.
Will you come on?Copy !req
601. That's it!
This noise has got to stop!Copy !req
602. My God.
I never asked you to do this.Copy !req
603. Ed, we gotta go.Copy !req
604. Could you pay us now?Copy !req
605. Four hundred bucks, and we need
$50,000 in six days?Copy !req
606. - We're not even close.
- I know we're not.Copy !req
607. There's a message.Copy !req
608. Maybe it's a job.Copy !req
609. Hey, fatso. Fatso!Copy !req
610. It's me, Hamilton, your boss
from the movie theater.Copy !req
611. I saw that TV commercial you made.Copy !req
612. Fat, fat, fat! When you sweat,
marbles come off your ass.Copy !req
613. Hello. Dirty Work.Copy !req
614. No, I can hear you fine.
It must be your phone.Copy !req
615. Sure, we'll be right over.Copy !req
616. So this whole block will become a
parking lot for the Chelsea Opera House?Copy !req
617. Yep, to make sure none
of Travis Cole's friends...Copy !req
618. have to park their Mercedes
on the street.Copy !req
619. I've lived in this house for 62 years.Copy !req
620. Now the bulldozers
are coming tomorrow.Copy !req
621. - You thinking what I'm thinking?
- No, no. I have a plan.Copy !req
622. What do you make of this?Copy !req
623. Either it's a trick and we're walking
into a huge ambush...Copy !req
624. or this is the single, dumbest act
in the history of crime.Copy !req
625. How we gonna get out of here?Copy !req
626. We can't make bail.
Pops is gonna die.Copy !req
627. We're gonna be left here to rot.Copy !req
628. I'm not worried about the rotting now,
I'm worried about something else.Copy !req
629. What else is there to worry about?Copy !req
630. We're in prison with prisoners.Copy !req
631. So what?Copy !req
632. So what? You know what prisoners do
to each other all the time.Copy !req
633. No. What?Copy !req
634. You don't know?Copy !req
635. No!Copy !req
636. They...Copy !req
637. I never heard that.Copy !req
638. You never heard that?Copy !req
639. How could you have never
heard of that?Copy !req
640. That's what prisons
are most famous for.Copy !req
641. All right, let's go.Copy !req
642. Not you, tubby.Copy !req
643. You sure you don't want him, too?Copy !req
644. The popcorn in the bulldozer stunt
was allegedly perpetrated by these men:Copy !req
645. Mitchell Weaver
and Samuel McKenna.Copy !req
646. But was this
a dangerous act of mischief...Copy !req
647. or a heroic example
of civil disobedience?Copy !req
648. Those two boys sure are heroes to me.Copy !req
649. If Mitch Weaver and Sam McKenna
are heroes, then who's the villain?Copy !req
650. Many would say that would be
the builder of the parking lot...Copy !req
651. millionaire real estate mogul,
Travis Co...Copy !req
652. Damn it. That looks bad.
We've got to stop the hemorrhaging.Copy !req
653. Martin, could you wait outside?Copy !req
654. Yes, sir.
I'm sorry about what happened.Copy !req
655. It's all right, Martin.
It wasn't your fault.Copy !req
656. By the end of the day, I'd like Martin
jobless, homeless...Copy !req
657. penniless and hairless.Copy !req
658. You fellows have a lot of growing up
to do, I'll tell you that.Copy !req
659. Ridiculous!
Completely ridiculous!Copy !req
660. Can you believe these characters?
Way out of line!Copy !req
661. Have a good mind
to go to the warden about this.Copy !req
662. The lack of respect
hurts the most.Copy !req
663. That's what hurts the most.Copy !req
664. Except for the other thing.
That hurts the most.Copy !req
665. But the lack of respect
hurts the second most.Copy !req
666. Weaver, McKenna,
you're free to go.Copy !req
667. Ridiculous!Copy !req
668. First of all,
Mrs. Murphy is owed...Copy !req
669. my deepest apologies for the hardships
she's unjustly suffered.Copy !req
670. Secondly, all charges have been dropped
against Mr. Weaver and Mr. McKenna...Copy !req
671. who are not criminals
but heroes.Copy !req
672. In fact, all of us are going out
for popcorn.Copy !req
673. Okay, Spunky, you can come too.Copy !req
674. I think he's got his thumb
up that dog's ass.Copy !req
675. Gentlemen, I think I have a job for you.Copy !req
676. Mitch, Sam, considering your recent
exploits as mischief makers...Copy !req
677. I think you may be able to help me.Copy !req
678. There's a small walk-up building
I own over at 99 Franklin Street.Copy !req
679. It's low-income housing.
My way of giving back to the community.Copy !req
680. But much to my chagrin,
the criminal element...Copy !req
681. has reared its ugly head
in the form of drug dealers, gangs...Copy !req
682. even a house of prostitution.Copy !req
683. He's doing that... Why don't you get
the cops to get them out?Copy !req
684. It's not that simple.Copy !req
685. As long as those criminals
pay their rent on time...Copy !req
686. the police say I have no grounds
to evict them.Copy !req
687. - What do you want us to do?
- Get the building condemned.Copy !req
688. By any means necessary. That way,
everyone will be evicted legally.Copy !req
689. Then I'll fix it up, rent the apartments
to honest, hardworking people.Copy !req
690. I don't know. We've never done
anything this big before.Copy !req
691. Gentlemen, let me give you
a minute to think it over.Copy !req
692. Doesn't it seem like...Copy !req
693. He's definitely doing that dog.Copy !req
694. Doesn't it seem like we're getting
into something over our heads here?Copy !req
695. So, gentlemen, have you decided?Copy !req
696. We'll do it...Copy !req
697. for $50,000.Copy !req
698. Very well.
$50,000 it is.Copy !req
699. Good news, Mr. McKenna.Copy !req
700. All right, boys!
Bring on the whore!Copy !req
701. No, it's not a whore.Copy !req
702. We're gonna get you the $50,000
for your heart transplant.Copy !req
703. That's good, too.Copy !req
704. We don't have the money yet, Pops.Copy !req
705. - Yeah, but it's a sure thing.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
706. Sam, can I have a word with you?Copy !req
707. - Sure.
- Thank you.Copy !req
708. Wait. You didn't tell him, did ya?Copy !req
709. Thanks.Copy !req
710. But I still want to,
and I can't promise you I won't.Copy !req
711. Just getting my photo album.
What are you so jumpy about?Copy !req
712. I don't know. Maybe it's your
lifelong pattern of random assault.Copy !req
713. Look at this.Copy !req
714. That's me fighting for the middleweight
championship of the Golden Gloves.Copy !req
715. That's me shaking hands with
Dwight D. Eisenhower, US President.Copy !req
716. My goodness!Copy !req
717. That's your mom giving me a...Copy !req
718. I'm sorry.Copy !req
719. That's Sam's mom.Copy !req
720. Yeah. Irene.Copy !req
721. His blood levels are good.
Should cut down on finger foods.Copy !req
722. What happened to your foot?Copy !req
723. What I don't understand is,
when you owe a bookie a lot of money...Copy !req
724. and he blows off one of your toes,
you still owe him the money.Copy !req
725. Doesn't seem fair since he's gonna
kill me in four days anyway.Copy !req
726. Mitch says we'll have the money
for you.Copy !req
727. Thank God!
I mean, that's good news, Sam.Copy !req
728. We just have to get
the building condemned.Copy !req
729. We go in, wreck the joint.
Pops is saved.Copy !req
730. Did you call him Pops?Copy !req
731. What havoc are you planning now?Copy !req
732. What are you doing here?Copy !req
733. Actually, I was looking for you.Copy !req
734. I saw how you and your friend
saved that woman's house.Copy !req
735. Guess you can use your powers
for good as well as evil.Copy !req
736. I'm on my way
to my grandmother's place.Copy !req
737. Do you want to walk me?Copy !req
738. Note to self. Mitch was right.Copy !req
739. No, he wasn't.Copy !req
740. It's too late.
It's already on tape.Copy !req
741. I'm glad you finally realized
you should never take crap from anybody.Copy !req
742. There's my grandma.
Hi, Grandma.Copy !req
743. Your grandmother lives here?
At 99 Franklin Street?Copy !req
744. Yep. Grandma,
I'd like you to meet Mitch.Copy !req
745. Hi. Kathy's told me about you.
You're a hero.Copy !req
746. Well, today I'm a hero. Tomorrow,
who knows? You might both hate me.Copy !req
747. Girls, I'm over here.Copy !req
748. Excuse me, Mitch.
It was nice meeting you.Copy !req
749. Are those prostitutes?
I mean, who are those girls?Copy !req
750. They work with my grandmother. She runs
a business out of her apartment.Copy !req
751. Sixty years old
and still going strong.Copy !req
752. Yeah, I bet she is.Copy !req
753. Would you like to come in
for some coffee?Copy !req
754. No. I have to go lift weights.Copy !req
755. What?Copy !req
756. Okay, some other time, maybe?Copy !req
757. That'd be great.Copy !req
758. Okay. Bye.Copy !req
759. That sweet girl's grandmother
runs a whorehouse...Copy !req
760. out of the building
we're about to destroy?Copy !req
761. Yeah. I feel awful doing this to Kathy.Copy !req
762. Mitch, you're starting to like Kathy,
aren't you?Copy !req
763. No!Copy !req
764. I know you. When you say no
like that, you mean yes.Copy !req
765. - What are you talking about?
- I'll show you.Copy !req
766. Did you ever rob a bank?Copy !req
767. Did you ever climb Mount Everest?Copy !req
768. Did you ever say you could see why
women find Sean Connery sexy?Copy !req
769. Okay, so I like Kathy a little.Copy !req
770. Man, I hate the fact we have to destroy
her grandmother's building.Copy !req
771. - But we have to.
- Yep.Copy !req
772. We did it, man!
I can't believe it! Pops lives.Copy !req
773. What'd I tell you?
Here's to a brand-new heart.Copy !req
774. That's right. I couldn't have done it
without a genius like you.Copy !req
775. I couldn't have done it without...Copy !req
776. a big oaf to smash down
all the doors like you.Copy !req
777. Yeah!Copy !req
778. Hey, we should go pick up
our 50 grand.Copy !req
779. Good idea.Copy !req
780. Hey, is that the building?Copy !req
781. Building owner James Kirkpatrick
had little to say.Copy !req
782. Kirkpatrick owns that building?Copy !req
783. - What happened to the building?
- I have no idea, but I'll find out.Copy !req
784. Resident Gladys Waite
lamented the fall of the building.Copy !req
785. I don't know what I'll do.Copy !req
786. I've been running a sewing business
out of my apartment for 30 years.Copy !req
787. Sewing business?Copy !req
788. Tenants are staying at a local shelter.
But what about the condemned building?Copy !req
789. Unfortunately, I'll have to level it.Copy !req
790. Enough boring talk. I want to talk
about my true passion...Copy !req
791. which is the grand reopening
of the opera house.Copy !req
792. All proceeds go to benefit
the homeless.Copy !req
793. You know how I feel about the homeless.
They're human beings and have no homes.Copy !req
794. May I help you gentlemen?Copy !req
795. Mitch Weaver and Sam McKenna
to see Travis Cole.Copy !req
796. Mr. Cole said your services
are no longer needed.Copy !req
797. No longer...Copy !req
798. Fellas, I have an idea.
Get Mr. Cole on the phone...Copy !req
799. I have a better idea.Copy !req
800. Why don't we kick
every one of your asses...Copy !req
801. and then go upstairs
and kick Cole's ass, too?Copy !req
802. All right, I screwed up.Copy !req
803. What do we do now?Copy !req
804. Homeless guys.Copy !req
805. I'll give you a dollar each if you run
into this building and yell and scream.Copy !req
806. That's very nice,
but I think what you need...Copy !req
807. are like some psycho,
out-of-control homeless guys.Copy !req
808. We're more the broken, spiritless...Copy !req
809. "I've lost the will to live" type
homeless guys.Copy !req
810. How about for two dollars?Copy !req
811. Mitch, Sam, what a pleasant surprise.Copy !req
812. - Where's our money?
- What money?Copy !req
813. You owe us $50,000 for getting the
building on Franklin Street condemned.Copy !req
814. We want it now.Copy !req
815. But I don't even own the building
on Franklin.Copy !req
816. I told you I did, but I lied.
Good luck trying to prove it.Copy !req
817. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
818. Once you stopped my bulldozer
from leveling that old lady's house...Copy !req
819. I couldn't let you get away with it.Copy !req
820. So I figured out a way for you to
help me and hurt you at the same time.Copy !req
821. I guess I showed you guys something
about dirty work.Copy !req
822. Whatever. But we're not leaving
without our 50 grand.Copy !req
823. When you jumped on that guard's back
and yelled...Copy !req
824. "The CIA put a chip in my brain"...Copy !req
825. I was laughing so hard
I almost shit my pants.Copy !req
826. Almost?Copy !req
827. Thanks. That was fun.Copy !req
828. More fun than working for Cole.Copy !req
829. - You worked for Cole?
- All of us have.Copy !req
830. I had a life...Copy !req
831. a house, cars,
respect in the community.Copy !req
832. Suddenly it was all taken away.Copy !req
833. I finally realized
just how low I'd sunk.Copy !req
834. I was at my daughter's soccer game.Copy !req
835. She lives with her mom.Copy !req
836. I was standing on the sidelines
and a cop asked me to move along.Copy !req
837. That's when it hit me.
I'm not even a human.Copy !req
838. Here's your $2.Copy !req
839. How could you stand outside
my grandmother's home...Copy !req
840. the day before you destroyed it?Copy !req
841. You're telling me you thought
she was a drug dealer?Copy !req
842. - No, I thought she was a whore!
- What is wrong with you?Copy !req
843. Look, we made a mistake.Copy !req
844. The worst thing is
we didn't even get paid.Copy !req
845. The worst thing is
you didn't get paid?Copy !req
846. - The reason we needed that money...
- Stop right there.Copy !req
847. You drive these people from their homes
and all you care about is money?Copy !req
848. I should call the police.Copy !req
849. I'm really sorry about what happened,
but listen...Copy !req
850. I'm done listening.
Have a nice life.Copy !req
851. No, beat it, nurse!Copy !req
852. Come back when you're a broad!Copy !req
853. Hey, fellas.Copy !req
854. Why so glum?Copy !req
855. We didn't get the money.
Mr. Sure Thing here was wrong.Copy !req
856. I don't know what happened.
I messed up. I'm sorry.Copy !req
857. That was easy.Copy !req
858. You can chalk this up as a loss
and forget about it. I can't do that.Copy !req
859. Pops is my dad.Copy !req
860. I'm sorry.
I gotta tell him. Sam...Copy !req
861. No. I'll tell him.Copy !req
862. Tell me what?Copy !req
863. I'm Mitch's father, too.Copy !req
864. It's true.Copy !req
865. This is no time for one
of your practical jokes.Copy !req
866. Show him the locket.Copy !req
867. Show me what?Copy !req
868. This is Pops...Copy !req
869. and your mother!Copy !req
870. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
871. You cheated on Mom?Copy !req
872. No! She was there, too.
Who do you think took the picture?Copy !req
873. Wait a minute.
So that makes us...Copy !req
874. Brothers.Copy !req
875. - You lied to me!
- Pops wouldn't let me tell.Copy !req
876. Don't blame him.
You should have told me.Copy !req
877. You know how hard that man
can squeeze a pair of balls?Copy !req
878. It's not bad that we're brothers.Copy !req
879. Sure, for you!
You've got everything.Copy !req
880. You're smart, people like you,
you never have to pay for sex.Copy !req
881. Pops was the one thing I had
that you didn't.Copy !req
882. Now I don't even have that.Copy !req
883. Stay away from me, all right?Copy !req
884. That was really funny,
siccing the cops on us.Copy !req
885. Really?
I thought it was funny...Copy !req
886. but I'm surprised you did
because you got your asses kicked.Copy !req
887. Things will get better.
Hang in there.Copy !req
888. Thanks for listening.Copy !req
889. Listen, pal...Copy !req
890. you ever need anything,
I mean anything at all...Copy !req
891. you come to me.Copy !req
892. - Can I stay at your place tonight?
- This is the thing.Copy !req
893. I live over at the Y, as you know.Copy !req
894. I got a roommate, Old Jack, who is
a little particular about strangers.Copy !req
895. No, problem, Jimmy. Thanks.Copy !req
896. He just got his knee drained.Copy !req
897. I'll find another place.Copy !req
898. He needed it, too. That thing
was getting a little bit ripe.Copy !req
899. I get the picture.
I'll sleep in my car.Copy !req
900. Old Jack's a odd duck, I tell you.Copy !req
901. Many times I catch him staring
at me sleeping, which is off-putting.Copy !req
902. - I guess that would be.
- His feet bleed.Copy !req
903. I don't want to stay at your place!Copy !req
904. Point taken.
Point taken, Mitch.Copy !req
905. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
906. I'm trying to get some sleep
back here.Copy !req
907. Note to self. Remember, no matter
how bad life gets, there is always beer.Copy !req
908. All right, I screwed up.
What do we do now?Copy !req
909. Homeless guys.Copy !req
910. I'll give you a dollar each if you run
into this building and yell and scream.Copy !req
911. I left the recorder on.Copy !req
912. I don't even own the building
on Franklin.Copy !req
913. I told you I did, but I lied.
Good luck trying to prove it.Copy !req
914. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
915. I guess I showed you something
about dirty work.Copy !req
916. What are you doing?Copy !req
917. Getting the money from Cole.Copy !req
918. My tape recorder was running.Copy !req
919. Everything in Cole's office
I got on tape. And I got a great plan.Copy !req
920. Another plan? Like the plan
that got us here in the first place?Copy !req
921. I think I know how to get the $50,000
to save the apartment. I need your help.Copy !req
922. Look, a lot of stuff came pouring
out of me at the hospital...Copy !req
923. because I was in shock
about what I'd heard.Copy !req
924. How did you feel when you found out?Copy !req
925. I don't know.
At first I felt a little weird.Copy !req
926. But we've always been like brothers.
Now it's just official.Copy !req
927. It's kind of cool.Copy !req
928. I guess it is cool.
But it does change things.Copy !req
929. How?Copy !req
930. Remember in second grade...Copy !req
931. when we used rusty soda can tops
to become blood brothers?Copy !req
932. It was a bunch of trouble for nothing
because we were already brothers.Copy !req
933. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
934. Hey, remember in fifth grade
when I was under the monkey bars...Copy !req
935. and I peeked at
your sister's underwear?Copy !req
936. Remember that?Copy !req
937. I was sneaking a peek
at my own sister's underwear.Copy !req
938. That's right. And remember
in 12th grade, you had sex with her?Copy !req
939. Okay, enough reminiscing.Copy !req
940. Listen.Copy !req
941. In the past two weeks, I've been
beaten up, thrown out of buildings...Copy !req
942. I've slept in my car,
spent the night in jail...Copy !req
943. And when you were in jail,
those guys...Copy !req
944. The point is, you aren't the only ones
who got screwed over.Copy !req
945. Yes, I made a big mistake
destroying your building...Copy !req
946. but I know how we can get it back.Copy !req
947. Why should we believe you?Copy !req
948. I walked through life believing
the only principle I had to live by...Copy !req
949. was "Don't take crap from anybody."Copy !req
950. Suddenly all that changed.Copy !req
951. Suddenly I was trying to do something
for someone else.Copy !req
952. We were trying to earn $50,000
to get a heart transplant for our dad.Copy !req
953. You two are brothers?Copy !req
954. Yeah, it's a long story.Copy !req
955. My dad boned his mom.Copy !req
956. Okay, it's a short story.Copy !req
957. I'm saying that when you're doing it
for someone else...Copy !req
958. it's not just revenge,
it's standing up for yourself.Copy !req
959. That's why I'm asking all of us
to stand up for ourselves.Copy !req
960. Travis Cole screwed all of us.
I say we fight back. Are you with me?Copy !req
961. Are you with me based on the guarantee
that if I'm wrong, you can kick my ass?Copy !req
962. I understand how upset you were
when you found out what we did.Copy !req
963. I want to thank you
for going along with us.Copy !req
964. I promise you'll get your building back.Copy !req
965. Okay, Mitch.Copy !req
966. Don't screw me over again.
I mean it.Copy !req
967. Why didn't he punch you, too?Copy !req
968. I have no idea.Copy !req
969. Deciding to fight back against Cole
is turning things around for me.Copy !req
970. Travis Cole is empty inside, so he has
to make everyone around him empty.Copy !req
971. That's what he did to me.
But I'm not empty anymore.Copy !req
972. I'm filled with something,
filled with purpose...Copy !req
973. filled with hope,
filled with dignity.Copy !req
974. It's all thanks to you g...Copy !req
975. Guys?Copy !req
976. Guys, wait up.Copy !req
977. How you doin'? I got a delivery
of some opera costumes here.Copy !req
978. - What's the company name?
- Company name?Copy !req
979. Very clever.Copy !req
980. These brownies are great.Copy !req
981. Let's go, prostitutes, homeless guys.
Shake a leg.Copy !req
982. Come on, haven't got all day.
Let's go.Copy !req
983. Good Lord! I'm in whore heaven!Copy !req
984. What are they watching?Copy !req
985. In this corner, weighing in...Copy !req
986. at 225 pounds...Copy !req
987. the former heavyweight champion
of the world...Copy !req
988. Kenny Norton!Copy !req
989. And his opponent Gary Coleman!Copy !req
990. Come on, man, bring it! Bring it!Copy !req
991. Well, here we are.Copy !req
992. Building tenants, you'll be serving
as the ushers and ticket takers.Copy !req
993. So take one of those,
and Kathy will tell you what to do.Copy !req
994. I can't believe I'm doing this.
I don't know why I'm here.Copy !req
995. Why are you here? Wait, I remember.
Intense physical attraction to me.Copy !req
996. What's the trouble, sir?Copy !req
997. My costume is not here. I cannot go
on a stage without my costume.Copy !req
998. Relax. I will track down
your costume personally.Copy !req
999. By the way, you're a fat guy.
Would you care for a brownie?Copy !req
1000. Excuse me, coming through.
Pardon me.Copy !req
1001. Excuse me. Sorry.
Coming through here.Copy !req
1002. I know I must really smell.
Plus, I farted. Coming through.Copy !req
1003. Joining me, the man responsible
for this glorious event...Copy !req
1004. real estate mogul Travis Cole.Copy !req
1005. Thank you. I'm proud of two things
about tonight's event.Copy !req
1006. First, all proceeds from the opera
will go to benefit the homeless.Copy !req
1007. And secondly, I personally oversaw
every aspect of this production.Copy !req
1008. And I believe it will be known
as the finest staging...Copy !req
1009. of Don Giovanni ever presented.Copy !req
1010. Excuse me, coming through.Copy !req
1011. Hey, did you fart? I think
that was me from before. Sorry.Copy !req
1012. Excuse me, coming through.Copy !req
1013. Fellas, you've heard the old saying:Copy !req
1014. "In the land of the blind,
a man with one eye is king."Copy !req
1015. Well, today, in the land
of the skunks...Copy !req
1016. the man with half a nose is king.Copy !req
1017. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
1018. I'm your mayor, Adrian Riggins.
Thank you.Copy !req
1019. Before tonight's performance
of Don Giovanni...Copy !req
1020. let's take a moment to recognize the man
that made this night possible...Copy !req
1021. the best friend this city
has ever had, Travis Cole.Copy !req
1022. Enjoy the opera, everyone.Copy !req
1023. What the...Copy !req
1024. Wow! Get a load
of that mountain range.Copy !req
1025. Come back, baby.Copy !req
1026. This is the most daring portrayal
of Don Giovanni I've ever seen.Copy !req
1027. Let's go. Time for Pops
to climb that mountain.Copy !req
1028. What's up, fruity?Copy !req
1029. How did you... It doesn't matter.
You'll be gone in a minute.Copy !req
1030. Aha! You didn't count on
my loyal army of prostitutes, did you?Copy !req
1031. What do you want?Copy !req
1032. Just relax. Let's watch
your dirty opera.Copy !req
1033. You're a hell of a woman, baby.Copy !req
1034. Let me take you to Vegas.
You know what they say.Copy !req
1035. It ain't over till the fat lady
checks into a hotel with Pops.Copy !req
1036. What are you doing?
You're ruining Don Giovanni.Copy !req
1037. Don Giovanni?
Who's that dude?Copy !req
1038. The opera.
You're ruining the opera.Copy !req
1039. The opera. Yes, we are ruining that.
Sam, now!Copy !req
1040. You got it, buddy!Copy !req
1041. Sing the song, boys!Copy !req
1042. Bow, and kneel before me!Copy !req
1043. Jimmy! Release the skunks.Copy !req
1044. Okay, I got it. I'm on it.Copy !req
1045. Don't let me down, boys.Copy !req
1046. Run. Fly. Fly away.Copy !req
1047. Run! Run out! Fly!Copy !req
1048. Fly!Copy !req
1049. Skunks used to heighten the atmosphere
of squalor and despair. Brilliant!Copy !req
1050. The cameras are here.Copy !req
1051. By the way, Travis...Copy !req
1052. remember when you said this?Copy !req
1053. Note to self. Making love to blowup doll
not as good as advertised.Copy !req
1054. Sorry. I must have gone too far.Copy !req
1055. I'll just...Copy !req
1056. I don't even own the building
on Franklin.Copy !req
1057. I told you I did, but I lied.
Good luck trying to prove it.Copy !req
1058. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
1059. I bet those reporters would love
to get hold of this tape.Copy !req
1060. How much do you want?Copy !req
1061. All I want is the $50,000
you owe us.Copy !req
1062. $50,000.Copy !req
1063. Make it out to Dr. Farthing.Copy !req
1064. Kirkpatrick.Copy !req
1065. Kirkpatrick is going to punch you
in the stomach.Copy !req
1066. Here you go.Copy !req
1067. You'll sign this contract...Copy !req
1068. that gives back ownership
of 99 Franklin Street to Kirkpatrick.Copy !req
1069. Give it here.Copy !req
1070. Thanks, Mitch.
I'm glad I didn't have to punch you.Copy !req
1071. Me too, buddy.Copy !req
1072. Okay, Cole, it's been nice
doing business with you.Copy !req
1073. You probably want to go home,
kick back...Copy !req
1074. and enjoy a nice glass
of Chihuahua piss or something.Copy !req
1075. Farthing.Copy !req
1076. Here's the check for $50,000.Copy !req
1077. That's great, Mitch.Copy !req
1078. Want to bet I don't go to my bookie?Copy !req
1079. You're paying off your bookie so you can
live to perform Pops's heart transplant.Copy !req
1080. Note to self.Copy !req
1081. Stop payment on $50,000 check.Copy !req
1082. Travis.Copy !req
1083. Son of a bitch, bastard!Copy !req
1084. You idiot. That contract
won't hold up for ten seconds...Copy !req
1085. after my lawyers get through with it.Copy !req
1086. And, oops, what happened
to your tape?Copy !req
1087. You wrecked it. Well, don't worry.
I have one on the house P.A. system.Copy !req
1088. Hit it, Kathy.Copy !req
1089. Note to self. Remember to get
ass wart cream...Copy !req
1090. for giant wart on my ass.Copy !req
1091. It's a little bit past that.Copy !req
1092. You bastard! You can't destroy me.
I'm Travis Cole.Copy !req
1093. No one destroy's Travis Cole!
No one!Copy !req
1094. Fat lady, are you okay?Copy !req
1095. Yes, I'm okay. Just keep
that crazy old man away from me.Copy !req
1096. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
1097. I don't care if you are my son.
Get your own broad.Copy !req
1098. Bravo!Copy !req
1099. In a startling turn of events
at the opera house...Copy !req
1100. real estate mogul Travis Cole
has been arrested for fraud.Copy !req
1101. Mr. Cole, anything to say?Copy !req
1102. Good brownies.Copy !req
1103. Jenkins, listen to me.
This is very important.Copy !req
1104. Stop payment on a check for $50,000
I made out to a Dr. Farthing. Got that?Copy !req
1105. Jenkins, are you ready
for some crazy, rough sex?Copy !req
1106. Absolutely!Copy !req
1107. Good, Jenkins. I'm counting on you.
And find Spunky.Copy !req
1108. Hey, Mitch.Copy !req
1109. Jimmy. Your new nose looks great.Copy !req
1110. Thanks. Best $200 I ever spent.Copy !req
1111. - That girl you're with, she's not the...
- Yep.Copy !req
1112. Lin-Yung, the Saigon whore
who bit my nose off.Copy !req
1113. We're getting hitched.Copy !req
1114. Let's go.Copy !req
1115. Hold on.
I'm talking to my friend here!Copy !req
1116. Jeez, sometimes you got
to remind the hen who the rooster is.Copy !req
1117. Good luck to you, Jimmy.Copy !req
1118. Okay. See you around.Copy !req
1119. When I say "Let's go," you go.Copy !req
1120. Yeah? It's time you shut
your cake hole, Yoko!Copy !req
1121. Women.Copy !req
1122. Don't talk back to me
in front of my friend.Copy !req
1123. You're making me really angry.Copy !req
1124. Whoa, that scares me to death.Copy !req
1125. You bit my new nose off!
Damn it!Copy !req
1126. How you feeling with your new heart?Copy !req
1127. I feel great thanks to you and Sam,
my two boys.Copy !req
1128. Now that I met Gladys, I hope
they can fix another part of my body.Copy !req
1129. I'll give you a hint.Copy !req
1130. It rhymes with "cock."Copy !req
1131. Sam and I got great new jobs.
Pops got his heart. And I got the girl.Copy !req
1132. And Dr. Farthing, well,
he got over his gambling problem.Copy !req
1133. But the bookies beat him
to death anyway, so he's dead.Copy !req
1134. That's it. Bye.Copy !req
1135. Cole, it's nice
doing business with you.Copy !req
1136. Now you probably want to get home...Copy !req
1137. Sorry.Copy !req
1138. - Nurse, you want to record vitals?
- Cut.Copy !req
1139. Cole, it's been nice doing business
with you. Now you...Copy !req
1140. Cut.Copy !req
1141. Say your line again.Copy !req
1142. - Check the gate please.
- Cut.Copy !req
1143. - Well, Cole...
- I'm trying to help you.Copy !req
1144. Have you always been like this?Copy !req
1145. How you got this movie,
I'll never know.Copy !req
1146. - Some other time we could go camping?
- What?Copy !req
1147. - You know, just you and me.
- Let's go.Copy !req
1148. Mitch, I'm lonely.Copy !req