- 1. Hand over the milk money, Weaver.
- 2. I can't do that, Derek.
- 3. I'm not sure
you'll spend it on milk.
- 4. That's me, Mitch Weaver.
- 5. That's Sam, my lifelong best friend.
- 6. I never had a dad growing up,
so Sam's dad Pops filled in a little.
- 7. He was a boxer, real tough guy.
- 8. One thing to remember in life,
no matter where you go or what you do...
- 9. don't take no crap from nobody.
- 10. I never liked the guy,
but he was right about not taking crap.
- 11. Wow! My dad sure is great.
- 12. Hey, do you know where
he hides his guns?
- 13. Don't worry.
- 14. We planted the guns in the bully's desk
so he'd get in trouble.
- 15. It wasn't me!
- 16. Let me go!
They weren't mine!
- 17. We always did stuff like that,
get back at people who messed with us.
- 18. There was this crossing guard
used to grab all the kids' asses.
- 19. Back then people weren't on
the lookout for that kind of thing.
- 20. The only way to nail a guy like that
was to catch him red-handed.
- 21. That's where Super Glue came in.
- 22. Look, everybody! Crossing guard's
grabbing 8-year-old's ass over here!
- 23. We really got back at
this ornery baby-sitter we didn't like.
- 24. After all these years,
this picture still makes me horny.
- 25. I mean, wistful!
It makes me wistful.
- 26. When I was 16,
the saddest event of my life occurred.
- 27. My mom died.
- 28. Everyone did their best to console me,
particularly Aunt Jenny.
- 29. It wasn't easy, because
I'm not comfortable expressing my...
- 30. What do you call them? Emotions?
- 31. Anyways, I learned to express myself
in other ways.
- 32. I started making little notes to myself.
- 33. Note to self.
- 34. Remember, Aunt Jenny is your aunt.
- 35. Then there was this character
we had to deal with.
- 36. She thought just because she was
a meter maid...
- 37. that she had the right to go around
giving everybody parking tickets.
- 38. That's where the popcorn
came in handy.
- 39. In high school, I still didn't take crap
from anyone, man or beast.
- 40. This Doberman would always chase us.
- 41. So we borrowed my cousin's
huge German shepherd...
- 42. who also happens to be gay.
- 43. Taught that Doberman some humility.
- 44. Boy, those were the days.
- 45. But then, something happened.
I grew up.
- 46. Okay, 132 Highfield Avenue
in three minutes.
- 47. I can make it.
I can make it.
- 48. No!
- 49. Hi, there.
Thirty minutes or free, right?
- 50. And you took 32 minutes.
- 51. So close and yet so far.
- 52. Gimme a break. That free pizza
comes out of my paycheck.
- 53. That doesn't seem fair, does it?
- 54. Then the guy says,
"If you want the money for this pizza...
- 55. you tell Aldo and the rest
of those sweaty Italian fruits...
- 56. to come down
and get it from me themselves."
- 57. Also, he started saying nasty things
about that Mussolini character.
- 58. The guy called.
I know you didn't make it on time.
- 59. None of the other pizza places have
the 30-minute thing anymore.
- 60. Can't we drop it?
- 61. You think we should drop
the 30-minute guarantee?
- 62. You think Aldo's should be
just like all the others?
- 63. Mitch Weaver, you're not fit
to wear this shirt.
- 64. That's my Canadians jersey.
- 65. You have anything in a 10-1/2 wide?
- 66. Toni-Ann, what are you doing?
- 67. I've had it. Uncle Aldo called.
He told me he fired you.
- 68. That's your 14th job in the past
three months! I can't take it anymore!
- 69. Honey, I understand you're upset.
- 70. Maybe you'll feel better
after we have some dirty sex.
- 71. Forget it! I'm through
wasting my life with you.
- 72. Good-bye!
- 73. - What about the rest of my stuff?
- Your stuff?
- 74. There is no "your stuff."
- 75. I have paid for everything
in this apartment.
- 76. Wait a minute. That's not true.
- 77. I paid for the popcorn machine.
- 78. What's up, fruity?
- 79. Hey, ass-bite.
- 80. By the looks of this popcorn machine, I
guess she tossed you out for good?
- 81. Yep.
- 82. Passed your car back there.
- 83. - It's a nasty flat, but I can fix it.
- Thanks, Sam.
- 84. I was wondering. Could I crash
with you and your dad for a while?
- 85. No. I'm gonna turn away my best friend
so he's gotta sleep in his car. Come on.
- 86. Hey, that's my shirt.
- 87. You're wearing my shirt.
- 88. Here you go.
- 89. No, that's all right.
- 90. I was talking to somebody else
that's different than you.
- 91. Two, three, up.
- 92. Press those knees straight.
- 93. And again. Take it down.
- 94. Two, three...
- 95. and lift it up.
- 96. - Pops, how you doin'?
- Pretty good, son.
- 97. But it'd be goin' a lot better
if you brought me a whore.
- 98. I thought you couldn't...
- 99. I can't but...
- 100. I subscribe to this magazine
to give me a few ideas.
- 101. There's an article about home
stereo equipment, too. That's for you.
- 102. That's great.
- 103. - I'll be right back, all right?
- 104. Do me a favor.
- 105. Could you stay with him for a while?
- 106. What's the matter?
- 107. You know how I feel about your father.
I'm uncomfortable around him.
- 108. He's kind of... I don't know.
- 109. Creepy, you know?
- 110. He creeps the hell out of me,
to tell you the truth.
- 111. He likes you.
- 112. I gotta call somebody
to borrow a jack.
- 113. Stay with him for a while.
- 114. All right.
- 115. Feelin' okay, Mr. McKenna?
- 116. Don't worry about me.
- 117. I just want to thank you
for spending a little time with me.
- 118. - Well, no problem.
- Yeah, yeah.
- 119. - I also want to say I'm sorry.
- Sorry for what?
- 120. For being a creepy old man.
- 121. I apologize, you rotten bastard!
- 122. - You say those things about me?
- Pops! Pops! Let go!
- 123. Get out of here, Sam!
I'll kill this bastard!
- 124. I can still hear,
no matter how creepy I look.
- 125. - It's Mitch! Let go.
- All right, take him.
- 126. Everything's falling apart.
- 127. Remember how things were
when we were young?
- 128. Yeah, it was great.
- 129. Yeah, it was.
- 130. I felt good about myself back then.
- 131. If somebody messed with me, no problem.
I didn't take crap from anybody.
- 132. Now I'm in my 30s, I can't hold a job.
I go out with women I don't even like.
- 133. Worst of all, I take crap
from absolutely everybody.
- 134. Things could be worse.
- 135. I could've got my nose bit off
by a Saigon whore.
- 136. You bastard!
- 137. I'm just messin' with you, Jimmy.
I saw you down there.
- 138. Get Jimmy a beer on me.
- 139. Okay. It's okay.
- 140. Wow, look at her.
- 141. Yeah. She's all yours, buddy.
Go get her.
- 142. Hi. How ya doin'?
I'm Sam McKenna.
- 143. I live with my dad.
- 144. It appears Travis Cole
has bailed out the city once again...
- 145. coming up with the necessary funding
to save the Chelsea Opera House.
- 146. How could a man in my position
not step in and do his civic duty?
- 147. That opera house is part
of this city's heritage.
- 148. Heck, yes, I'm gonna keep it up
- 149. I love this city,
and as we all know...
- 150. I love opera.
- 151. Right, Spunky?
- 152. A guy like Travis Cole
has a great life.
- 153. Why? Just because he's rich?
- 154. No. Because he doesn't take crap
- 155. There are two kinds of people in this
those who get stomped on...
- 156. and those who do the stomping.
- 157. Where'd you come up
with that theory?
- 158. That famous guy said it.
What's his name?
- 159. Yeah. Jesus.
- 160. Hi. I'm Mitch.
- 161. Hello, Mitch.
- 162. Maybe later you'll drop by the house.
- 163. You know, check out the hot tub.
- 164. - Hey, pal, beat it!
- Why don't you beat it?
- 165. The lady obviously isn't interested
in you, jerk-off! So get lost!
- 166. Maybe we should let the lady decide.
- 167. - I think you should fight it out.
- Good idea.
- 168. - Great idea!
- Brilliant idea!
- 169. - I love the idea.
- Terry, Jack, Mike, Rick.
- 170. No. My dumb friend needs me.
I gotta go.
- 171. Well, Mitch, looks like
we've got ourselves a fight.
- 172. Great. It's fightin' time.
Can I be on their side?
- 173. Looks like there's gonna be a brawl.
You playin' something good?
- 174. Hell, yeah!
Rolling Stones' "Street Fighting Man."
- 175. G-7!
- 176. You just hit G-8.
- 177. Bring it on!
- 178. How come you get a pool cue?
- 179. Come on.
You fell right into my trap.
- 180. Sammy, bite 'em!
Bite 'em in the nose!
- 181. Note to self.
Learn to fight.
- 182. I wanna go over there and rip
their heads off, every one of them.
- 183. That would probably work, since they're
so tired from beating us mercilessly.
- 184. But since we rented the cop uniforms,
let's try it my way, all right?
- 185. - Hey, dude, what's up?
- Neil, is that you?
- 186. Yeah, it's me, Neil.
- 187. It's Jason. We just got back from
beating these guys. Messed 'em up good!
- 188. The whole time, this guy's lying there,
crying like a little girl.
- 189. - Wait, I'll get Terry.
- Don't get Terry. I mean...
- 190. The reason I'm calling is this.
- 191. There's these guys going around
to frat houses pretending to be cops.
- 192. But they're not real cops.
They're fake cops.
- 193. They just robbed a bunch of stuff
from the Delta Psi house.
- 194. So don't be fooled, okay?
- 195. Sure thing.
Thanks for calling.
- 196. Okay, no problem, dude.
- 197. Now you go back to doing something
latently homoerotic, all right?
- 198. Hello, real cops?
Yes, I'd like to register a complaint.
- 199. We got a complaint about the noise.
- 200. Whatever you say, Officer.
- 201. Officer down! We need backup!
- 202. - Okay, we'll take care of these two.
- You got it.
- 203. Hey, frat sisters, remember us?
- 204. I'll take this one.
- 205. - I'll take the next one.
- All right, man.
- 206. That felt great, man,
getting back at those guys tonight.
- 207. I've got to admit, that was brilliant,
what you did.
- 208. You are the king of revenge.
- 209. Pipe down! I'm trying to watch
these broads work out.
- 210. - You want another beer?
- 211. Mitch, you wanna come over here?
- 212. I'm not falling for that one again.
- 213. - I think I'm having a heart attack.
- Not gonna work.
- 214. Pops! You all right?
- 215. I'm gonna let him sleep.
- 216. Could you stay with him
while I find the doctor?
- 217. - Yeah, sure.
- 218. I'm glad you came.
- 219. Hey, Mr. McKenna.
I'll go get Sam.
- 220. No, hold on.
There's something I want to tell you.
- 221. I'm gonna find Sam.
- 222. Mitch, sit your ass down!
- 223. It's embarrassing being physically
afraid of a hundred-year-old man...
- 224. who just had a coronary...
- 225. so could we hurry this up?
- 226. I'm not doin' too well.
- 227. So knowing that, I think
I better tell you this now.
- 228. - Tell me what?
- I'm your father.
- 229. You must be delirious,
because you're not my father.
- 230. I don't know who my father is,
but it's not you.
- 231. Here, Mitch.
- 232. Look at the picture
in this locket.
- 233. Holy Lord!
- 234. That's a picture of you and my mom
- 235. God! Why would you show me that?
- 236. I'm sorry, son.
- 237. I figured you'd never believe me
unless I showed you that picture.
- 238. I loved your mother as a friend, but it
wasn't true love. We both knew that.
- 239. Besides, back then they didn't have
these fancy birth control methods.
- 240. Like pullin' out.
- 241. God!
- 242. Stop sayin' dirty stuff for a second,
- 243. Does Sam know about this?
- 244. No. And I don't want you to tell him.
- 245. Why not?
- 246. I don't want him to feel
he's been lied to his entire life.
- 247. Down deep he's very sensitive.
- 248. Promise me you won't tell him.
- 249. I can't promise you.
- 250. Sam's got a right to know.
- 251. I'm gonna tell him.
- 252. Hello. I'm Dr. Farthing.
- 253. Are you Mr. McKenna's son?
- 254. I gotta talk to Sam.
- 255. Mitch, don't tell him!
Don't you tell him!
- 256. Now, let me ask you.
- 257. Are you a betting man?
- 258. I don't know. Sure.
- 259. If someone were taking bets on
your father's bout with death...
- 260. I'd bet everything I own on death.
- 261. It's a good bet.
The odds are he'll probably die.
- 262. Couldn't you have prepared him
- 263. Well...
- 264. kind of thought I did
with that betting analogy.
- 265. What is wrong with my dad?
- 266. Your dad?
- 267. In a nut shell,
your dad needs a heart transplant.
- 268. Because of his age,
he's low priority on the donor's list.
- 269. Was your father a famous athlete
or rock star?
- 270. No. He was a boxer,
but he wasn't famous.
- 271. Sorry, no heart there.
- 272. But, for $600...
- 273. I could sell you
a fully-adjustable hospital bed.
- 274. Are you crazy?
I don't need a bed.
- 275. Playing hardball, are you?
- 276. I don't have to sit here
and listen to this!
- 277. No, wait.
- 278. I can't believe this is happening.
- 279. Wait. Where're you goin'?
Your friend's leaving...
- 280. Come back here. I can help him.
- 281. Please, come back, sit down.
- 282. I'm sorry.
I'm a compulsive gambler.
- 283. Now, I know there's nobody to blame
for this but myself.
- 284. I don't know. Maybe the Buffalo Bills,
or the Boston Red Sox or Mr. "T"...
- 285. or the Jets.
- 286. Mr. "T"? Are you telling me
that you bet on the fight...
- 287. in Rocky III,
and you bet against Rocky?
- 288. Hindsight is 20/20, my friend.
- 289. The point is, I'm in trouble.
- 290. Deep trouble. Which could be good
for Mr. McKenna's father.
- 291. There is a way I can get his name bumped
to the top of the list to get his heart.
- 292. How?
- 293. If you pay me $50,000.
- 294. - Did you say $50,000?
- 295. I whispered $50,000.
I need it in two weeks.
- 296. This is awful, but I've given these
bookies practically everything I have.
- 297. When I was young, my mom used to tell me
that the lights we see in the sky...
- 298. are from stars that burned out
millions of years ago.
- 299. It's like life.
- 300. Something can be one way you think
all your life...
- 301. and in reality
it's completely different.
- 302. Yeah.
- 303. I'm gonna kill you, asshole!
- 304. Sam, are you pissing
off the side of the building?
- 305. Sort of.
- 306. You know, I'm going crazy here
over Pops. He's gonna die!
- 307. He's not gonna die. You're gonna get
the money and get him a heart.
- 308. $50,000 in two weeks?
- 309. My sister Carol said she'd send
two grand. Where will I get the rest?
- 310. - Are you gonna not try?
- Of course I'm gonna try!
- 311. What if I got a job?
- 312. Maybe I could pay this guy off
- 313. Yes. Now you're talkin'.
I'll help you every step of the way.
- 314. Thanks, buddy.
- 315. You little bastards!
- 316. That was a hell of a piss.
- 317. Look at the "help wanted" section.
- 318. I'm looking at the "buy and sell" ads.
Maybe we can sell something.
- 319. - Just look for a job.
- All right, all right!
- 320. Movie line comin' up.
- 321. How's that lookin', baby?
- 322. He was supposed to keep drivin'.
- 323. To start with,
the bottom stair is a roundover.
- 324. It does a 180 into the newel post.
- 325. The bannister has a 90 degree easement
and dies into the newel post.
- 326. Ninety degrees.
- 327. - That's gonna be a problem.
- What's the problem?
- 328. We lied on our resumes.
We know nothing about construction.
- 329. When is lunch?
- 330. You're fired.
- 331. Ass-bite, you sure this is a good idea?
- 332. Hell, yeah.
It's 50 bucks for eatin' brownies.
- 333. They are safe, but there is a chance
of some side effects...
- 334. including mild itching, nausea, chills,
hallucinations and rashes.
- 335. These are good?
Aren't they good?
- 336. I think I feel a slight itch.
- 337. No, maybe not.
- 338. Could be my imagination.
- 339. We eat the pig and
then together we burn.
- 340. - What you talkin' about, Satan?
- Come with me.
- 341. You belong with me.
- 342. Burn!
- 343. The hell with that job.
Who wants to be itchy anyway?
- 344. All right. Everybody line up.
- 345. Don't be dummies.
Just get in line.
- 346. That's fine.
- 347. Gentlemen, members of the national
office are coming here tonight...
- 348. for their annual inspection
of this theater.
- 349. Right now, I'm going to explain to you
my managing style...
- 350. for the benefit of the new guys.
- 351. So there you are, tubby.
- 352. You look like a bucket of lard
on a bad day.
- 353. You baby gorilla.
- 354. Why don't you work the zoo
and stop bothering people?
- 355. Got a call yesterday
from Baskin Robbins.
- 356. They said that they're down
to only five flavors.
- 357. You're swelling up as I talk to you.
- 358. Look at you. How's this?
How's it doin'?
- 359. Hello, ice cream.
Having a good time running around?
- 360. Are you laughing 'cause I called your
friend a fat pig? Think that's funny?
- 361. I was laughing earlier
when you were talking to his belly.
- 362. Why don't you get a horse and live
in the mountains? Don't bother anybody.
- 363. You've got a personality
like a dead moth.
- 364. Okay, the fun's over.
- 365. Anybody messes this thing up
for me tonight is through.
- 366. Not only are you fired,
your life is over.
- 367. I'll see to it you never work again, and
wind up tearing tickets off in Kuwait.
- 368. Everybody's sucking sand.
- 369. Nobody messes up, understand me?
- 370. Don't mess up!
- 371. That guy's gonna be our boss?
- 372. After a speech like that, how does
he expect us not to screw him over?
- 373. Every one of us said the same thing
our first day working for Hamilton...
- 374. only nobody does anything.
- 375. Trust me, this isn't just talk.
Nobody screws me over like that.
- 376. - Me, neither.
- I can't help you. I need this job.
- 377. But if you really screw over Hamilton,
I'll give you ten bucks.
- 378. Mark me down for $20.
- 379. Mr. Witherspoon.
- 380. Class operation, Hamilton.
- 381. Thank you.
Let me get you some refreshments.
- 382. Okay, we're all set.
- 383. One, two, three. Look away!
- 384. Look, an alien.
- 385. Yeah, we better have sex
with each other.
- 386. Note to self.
Sam just looked at the screen.
- 387. No, I didn't.
I was just making sure the reel had...
- 388. - This alien looks like a hot guy.
- Right. We better have sex with him.
- 389. Gimme that.
It took long enough, you dummy.
- 390. Hamilton, you're through.
- 391. That was amazing.
You should do that stuff for a living.
- 392. Sam, tonight...
- 393. we made a wad of cash for doing
something that comes natural to us.
- 394. Revenge.
- 395. We should open
a "revenge for hire" business.
- 396. I've never heard of
a "revenge for hire" business.
- 397. Exactly. We'd be the first.
- 398. With every genius business idea,
there's got to be a first.
- 399. Like the guy who first thought
of delivering pizza to people's houses.
- 400. Or the guy who invented crack.
- 401. Who's gonna hire us?
- 402. I have a feeling people are going
to pay us a lot of money...
- 403. to do their dirty work.
- 404. Okay, let's get a few things
- 405. As long as the rent's on time,
you don't wreck the place, we're okay.
- 406. If not...
- 407. I punch you in the stomach.
- 408. If that ever comes up,
that Sam's department.
- 409. Yeah, that's my department.
- 410. Good.
- 411. Good luck to you.
- 412. Thanks.
- 413. Mildred!
- 414. Wait up.
- 415. - Hi, Rich.
- Hi, Mildred.
- 416. I guess you forgot my name.
It's not Mildred, it's Kathy.
- 417. No, I didn't forget.
You never told me, so I just guessed.
- 418. That's a novel approach.
- 419. So, how'd the fight with
those fraternity guys turn out?
- 420. We kicked their ass!
- 421. I was punching one guy
and kicking this other guy.
- 422. I threw one dude right through
a plate glass window.
- 423. - Really?
- Sort of, except the exact opposite.
- 424. Don't you think it's silly
for grown men to fight?
- 425. Did you see the movie Kickboxer?
They're all grown men.
- 426. Are we going to your apartment now?
- 427. I'm going back to work.
- 428. - Where do you work?
- Right there.
- 429. Phillips Motors!
Are you a dirty car salesman?
- 430. - No. I'm a dirty accountant.
- Hey, Kathy!
- 431. Break's over, sweetheart.
Get your ass in here! Now!
- 432. - Who's that dude?
- Anton Phillips, the owner.
- 433. - Does he always talk to you like that?
- Well, yeah.
- 434. But he's doing a live TV commercial
tomorrow, so he's worse than usual.
- 435. Anyway, it was nice
seeing you again, Mitch.
- 436. Live TV commercial?
- 437. Okay, settle down, prostitutes.
- 438. Understand that you each get $20,
and this requires no sex.
- 439. No sex at all...
- 440. regardless of what
this character tells you.
- 441. - What's the matter with you?
- What's the matter?
- 442. We spend most of the money
my sister sent for Pops on this office.
- 443. And now we're wasting the rest of it
so you can impress some girl?
- 444. No. This isn't for her.
- 445. This is so we can get a free commercial
for Dirty Work on live television.
- 446. And in five, four, three, two.
- 447. Hello, everyone.
I'm Anton Phillips...
- 448. President of Phillips Motors.
- 449. We'll return in a moment
to the Channel 11 Movie Matinee...
- 450. but I'm here with you live to show you
some great luxury automobiles.
- 451. Like this one-year-old
- 452. priced right at $36,000.
- 453. Fully loaded:
V-8 engine, standard.
- 454. Shock-resistant CD player, standard.
- 455. - The trunk looks kinda small.
- This is live!
- 456. I'm on live T...
- 457. As you can see, friends,
it's not small.
- 458. It's a big trunk.
I'll show you right here.
- 459. You got a dead hooker in the trunk!
- 460. No! It can't be.
- 461. - It was. It was a dead hooker.
- It wasn't a dead hooker!
- 462. - I know a dead hooker when I see one.
- What's happening?
- 463. - Come on down.
- Here's another dead hooker!
- 464. What?
- 465. My goodness!
- 466. I've never seen so many dead hookers
in all my life.
- 467. Lord knows I have.
- 468. - I can remember a time...
- Look, there's Mitch on TV.
- 469. Yeah, there's Mitch.
- 470. And there's the Saigon whore...
- 471. that bit my nose off!
- 472. These are nice cars.
These are luxury automobiles.
- 473. I've got a whole place.
They're fully loaded.
- 474. They're loaded
with dead hookers.
- 475. You're seein' things.
Don't shoot this.
- 476. - This is not part of the commercial.
- Some jerk making your life miserable?
- 477. You want revenge? Call 555-0187
and let us do your dirty work.
- 478. And we're clear.
- 479. Wake up, slut!
- 480. Well, well, well.
- 481. We meet again.
- 482. Time to pay the fiddler, whore!
- 483. That was great.
Let's get out of here.
- 484. Nurse, record vital signs, please.
- 485. If that stethoscope is as freezing cold
as it was yesterday...
- 486. I'm gonna shove it
right up your ass!
- 487. Vital signs normal.
- 488. Hey, Pops!
- 489. Sam! Mitch!
What are you two fruits up to?
- 490. You should've seen it.
We just did this cool thing on TV...
- 491. that should really help
our revenge business.
- 492. We found our calling.
- 493. Looking back, I must've been your age
when I found my calling.
- 494. So you became a boxer?
- 495. That's when I started working
in stag films.
- 496. I'm gonna find Dr. Farthing.
- 497. Hey, look, Pops.
- 498. - I gotta tell you something.
- 499. I've made up my mind.
I'm going to tell Sam.
- 500. Or not!
- 501. I'd appreciate it
if you didn't tell Sam.
- 502. He might react badly.
- 503. I wouldn't want anything to break up
our relationship before I die.
- 504. Okay, I won't tell him.
- 505. Yeah.
- 506. Note to self.
Forget about fathering children.
- 507. - Any bleeding?
- Only when I sit down.
- 508. What happened to your arm?
- 509. I'm not sure. It's either
from sleeping on it the wrong way...
- 510. or from bookmakers throwing me out
of a speeding car.
- 511. - Did you get the 50 grand?
- Not yet.
- 512. If we get some money in two weeks,
could we pay the rest in installments?
- 513. No. Well, there are nine days left.
- 514. Might I suggest kidnapping the child
of a celebrity?
- 515. You know, I realize Pops isn't your
favorite person in the whole world...
- 516. so I appreciate how hard
you're trying to help him out.
- 517. That's nice.
- 518. I've gotta tell you something.
- 519. Your father is not only your father.
- 520. He's also...
- 521. He's also a good man.
- 522. Your father is a good man.
- 523. Yeah.
- 524. Mitch, you know...
- 525. I wanted to...
- 526. You're my best friend, man.
- 527. Keep your distance there, Liberace.
- 528. I was just...
- 529. Hey, Kathy!
I'm glad to see you.
- 530. Did you really think you were helping me
with that disgusting stunt?
- 531. Hey, maybe you don't realize it,
but that disgusting stunt...
- 532. was this idiot's way of saying
he likes you.
- 533. I'm gonna stand over there.
- 534. The guy deserved it.
- 535. Because of what you did,
Anton had to sell the dealership.
- 536. Now I'm out of a job.
Did I deserve that?
- 537. No, but you shouldn't work for a guy
who treats you bad anyway.
- 538. That is a decision for me to make,
not you or your awful company.
- 539. Putting prostitutes
in the trunks of cars?
- 540. - That is so...
- 541. The dead hooker in the trunk thing
was the coolest thing ever.
- 542. Wow, Mitch, congratulations.
- 543. Now you're famous for being a jerk.
- 544. I wish some girl would look at me
the way she looks at you.
- 545. What are you talking about?
She hates me.
- 546. No, she's mad at you.
There's a difference.
- 547. She's mad at you
because she likes you so much.
- 548. I'm short, not invisible.
Can I get a little help down here?
- 549. Heather, who works here,
is an abusive drunk.
- 550. Calls me names. Hits me.
Your classic dwarf hater.
- 551. Here she comes.
- 552. Move over, short stuff.
- 553. Hey, baby, you ever had a chick
with a beard before?
- 554. I can't say that I have,
- 555. Then, sugar, you haven't lived.
- 556. Note to self.
I don't want to live.
- 557. I'll be in my trailer, honey.
- 558. If you want it, come and get it.
- 559. Does that go for me, too?
- 560. So can you help me?
- 561. Yeah, we can help you.
- 562. No beard.
- 563. My problem is with
these guys next door.
- 564. They drive around in their Porsche
90 miles an hour where my kids play...
- 565. blasting their music.
- 566. They have loud, wild parties
still going on when I get up for work.
- 567. - Sounds awful.
- It's unbearable.
- 568. It's unbearable to live next door
to that house.
- 569. Then we'll make it unbearable
to live in that house.
- 570. This should do it.
- 571. Mitch, this is brutal.
- 572. We hide these fish
all over the house?
- 573. And they'll stink for days.
- 574. Okay, let's go.
- 575. Come on, quick.
- 576. My flight doesn't leave for an hour.
- 577. - Nice place you've got.
- Yeah, yeah.
- 578. You want it?
- 579. Check it out.
- 580. Looks good.
- 581. What's the problem?
- 582. Smells like fish.
- 583. What was that? Some sort of signal?
- 584. Is that a signal?
You wearing a wire?
- 585. No. It really does smell
like fish in here.
- 586. You're a damn cop! That's it.
- 587. Show these guys what we do to cops.
- 588. Say hello to the devil for me.
- 589. Behind you!
- 590. I've been hit. Kill them!
- 591. Kill them!
- 592. Make your gun fight
like the devil himself!
- 593. Burn in hell, you bastards!
- 594. Sweet Jesus! He got me.
- 595. Mark, over there. Grab it.
I use it to cut firewood.
- 596. What's he using? You're killing me
with that chain saw!
- 597. He took away my chain saw,
and now he's using it on me.
- 598. My, God! Is that a hand grenade?
- 599. Good Lord!
- 600. We gotta get out of here.
Will you come on?
- 601. That's it!
This noise has got to stop!
- 602. My God.
I never asked you to do this.
- 603. Ed, we gotta go.
- 604. Could you pay us now?
- 605. Four hundred bucks, and we need
$50,000 in six days?
- 606. - We're not even close.
- I know we're not.
- 607. There's a message.
- 608. Maybe it's a job.
- 609. Hey, fatso. Fatso!
- 610. It's me, Hamilton, your boss
from the movie theater.
- 611. I saw that TV commercial you made.
- 612. Fat, fat, fat! When you sweat,
marbles come off your ass.
- 613. Hello. Dirty Work.
- 614. No, I can hear you fine.
It must be your phone.
- 615. Sure, we'll be right over.
- 616. So this whole block will become a
parking lot for the Chelsea Opera House?
- 617. Yep, to make sure none
of Travis Cole's friends...
- 618. have to park their Mercedes
on the street.
- 619. I've lived in this house for 62 years.
- 620. Now the bulldozers
are coming tomorrow.
- 621. - You thinking what I'm thinking?
- No, no. I have a plan.
- 622. What do you make of this?
- 623. Either it's a trick and we're walking
into a huge ambush...
- 624. or this is the single, dumbest act
in the history of crime.
- 625. How we gonna get out of here?
- 626. We can't make bail.
Pops is gonna die.
- 627. We're gonna be left here to rot.
- 628. I'm not worried about the rotting now,
I'm worried about something else.
- 629. What else is there to worry about?
- 630. We're in prison with prisoners.
- 631. So what?
- 632. So what? You know what prisoners do
to each other all the time.
- 633. No. What?
- 634. You don't know?
- 635. No!
- 636. They...
- 637. I never heard that.
- 638. You never heard that?
- 639. How could you have never
heard of that?
- 640. That's what prisons
are most famous for.
- 641. All right, let's go.
- 642. Not you, tubby.
- 643. You sure you don't want him, too?
- 644. The popcorn in the bulldozer stunt
was allegedly perpetrated by these men:
- 645. Mitchell Weaver
and Samuel McKenna.
- 646. But was this
a dangerous act of mischief...
- 647. or a heroic example
of civil disobedience?
- 648. Those two boys sure are heroes to me.
- 649. If Mitch Weaver and Sam McKenna
are heroes, then who's the villain?
- 650. Many would say that would be
the builder of the parking lot...
- 651. millionaire real estate mogul,
- 652. Damn it. That looks bad.
We've got to stop the hemorrhaging.
- 653. Martin, could you wait outside?
- 654. Yes, sir.
I'm sorry about what happened.
- 655. It's all right, Martin.
It wasn't your fault.
- 656. By the end of the day, I'd like Martin
- 657. penniless and hairless.
- 658. You fellows have a lot of growing up
to do, I'll tell you that.
- 659. Ridiculous!
- 660. Can you believe these characters?
Way out of line!
- 661. Have a good mind
to go to the warden about this.
- 662. The lack of respect
hurts the most.
- 663. That's what hurts the most.
- 664. Except for the other thing.
That hurts the most.
- 665. But the lack of respect
hurts the second most.
- 666. Weaver, McKenna,
you're free to go.
- 667. Ridiculous!
- 668. First of all,
Mrs. Murphy is owed...
- 669. my deepest apologies for the hardships
she's unjustly suffered.
- 670. Secondly, all charges have been dropped
against Mr. Weaver and Mr. McKenna...
- 671. who are not criminals
- 672. In fact, all of us are going out
- 673. Okay, Spunky, you can come too.
- 674. I think he's got his thumb
up that dog's ass.
- 675. Gentlemen, I think I have a job for you.
- 676. Mitch, Sam, considering your recent
exploits as mischief makers...
- 677. I think you may be able to help me.
- 678. There's a small walk-up building
I own over at 99 Franklin Street.
- 679. It's low-income housing.
My way of giving back to the community.
- 680. But much to my chagrin,
the criminal element...
- 681. has reared its ugly head
in the form of drug dealers, gangs...
- 682. even a house of prostitution.
- 683. He's doing that... Why don't you get
the cops to get them out?
- 684. It's not that simple.
- 685. As long as those criminals
pay their rent on time...
- 686. the police say I have no grounds
to evict them.
- 687. - What do you want us to do?
- Get the building condemned.
- 688. By any means necessary. That way,
everyone will be evicted legally.
- 689. Then I'll fix it up, rent the apartments
to honest, hardworking people.
- 690. I don't know. We've never done
anything this big before.
- 691. Gentlemen, let me give you
a minute to think it over.
- 692. Doesn't it seem like...
- 693. He's definitely doing that dog.
- 694. Doesn't it seem like we're getting
into something over our heads here?
- 695. So, gentlemen, have you decided?
- 696. We'll do it...
- 697. for $50,000.
- 698. Very well.
$50,000 it is.
- 699. Good news, Mr. McKenna.
- 700. All right, boys!
Bring on the whore!
- 701. No, it's not a whore.
- 702. We're gonna get you the $50,000
for your heart transplant.
- 703. That's good, too.
- 704. We don't have the money yet, Pops.
- 705. - Yeah, but it's a sure thing.
- Excuse me.
- 706. Sam, can I have a word with you?
- 707. - Sure.
- Thank you.
- 708. Wait. You didn't tell him, did ya?
- 709. Thanks.
- 710. But I still want to,
and I can't promise you I won't.
- 711. Just getting my photo album.
What are you so jumpy about?
- 712. I don't know. Maybe it's your
lifelong pattern of random assault.
- 713. Look at this.
- 714. That's me fighting for the middleweight
championship of the Golden Gloves.
- 715. That's me shaking hands with
Dwight D. Eisenhower, US President.
- 716. My goodness!
- 717. That's your mom giving me a...
- 718. I'm sorry.
- 719. That's Sam's mom.
- 720. Yeah. Irene.
- 721. His blood levels are good.
Should cut down on finger foods.
- 722. What happened to your foot?
- 723. What I don't understand is,
when you owe a bookie a lot of money...
- 724. and he blows off one of your toes,
you still owe him the money.
- 725. Doesn't seem fair since he's gonna
kill me in four days anyway.
- 726. Mitch says we'll have the money
- 727. Thank God!
I mean, that's good news, Sam.
- 728. We just have to get
the building condemned.
- 729. We go in, wreck the joint.
Pops is saved.
- 730. Did you call him Pops?
- 731. What havoc are you planning now?
- 732. What are you doing here?
- 733. Actually, I was looking for you.
- 734. I saw how you and your friend
saved that woman's house.
- 735. Guess you can use your powers
for good as well as evil.
- 736. I'm on my way
to my grandmother's place.
- 737. Do you want to walk me?
- 738. Note to self. Mitch was right.
- 739. No, he wasn't.
- 740. It's too late.
It's already on tape.
- 741. I'm glad you finally realized
you should never take crap from anybody.
- 742. There's my grandma.
- 743. Your grandmother lives here?
At 99 Franklin Street?
- 744. Yep. Grandma,
I'd like you to meet Mitch.
- 745. Hi. Kathy's told me about you.
You're a hero.
- 746. Well, today I'm a hero. Tomorrow,
who knows? You might both hate me.
- 747. Girls, I'm over here.
- 748. Excuse me, Mitch.
It was nice meeting you.
- 749. Are those prostitutes?
I mean, who are those girls?
- 750. They work with my grandmother. She runs
a business out of her apartment.
- 751. Sixty years old
and still going strong.
- 752. Yeah, I bet she is.
- 753. Would you like to come in
for some coffee?
- 754. No. I have to go lift weights.
- 755. What?
- 756. Okay, some other time, maybe?
- 757. That'd be great.
- 758. Okay. Bye.
- 759. That sweet girl's grandmother
runs a whorehouse...
- 760. out of the building
we're about to destroy?
- 761. Yeah. I feel awful doing this to Kathy.
- 762. Mitch, you're starting to like Kathy,
- 763. No!
- 764. I know you. When you say no
like that, you mean yes.
- 765. - What are you talking about?
- I'll show you.
- 766. Did you ever rob a bank?
- 767. Did you ever climb Mount Everest?
- 768. Did you ever say you could see why
women find Sean Connery sexy?
- 769. Okay, so I like Kathy a little.
- 770. Man, I hate the fact we have to destroy
her grandmother's building.
- 771. - But we have to.
- 772. We did it, man!
I can't believe it! Pops lives.
- 773. What'd I tell you?
Here's to a brand-new heart.
- 774. That's right. I couldn't have done it
without a genius like you.
- 775. I couldn't have done it without...
- 776. a big oaf to smash down
all the doors like you.
- 777. Yeah!
- 778. Hey, we should go pick up
our 50 grand.
- 779. Good idea.
- 780. Hey, is that the building?
- 781. Building owner James Kirkpatrick
had little to say.
- 782. Kirkpatrick owns that building?
- 783. - What happened to the building?
- I have no idea, but I'll find out.
- 784. Resident Gladys Waite
lamented the fall of the building.
- 785. I don't know what I'll do.
- 786. I've been running a sewing business
out of my apartment for 30 years.
- 787. Sewing business?
- 788. Tenants are staying at a local shelter.
But what about the condemned building?
- 789. Unfortunately, I'll have to level it.
- 790. Enough boring talk. I want to talk
about my true passion...
- 791. which is the grand reopening
of the opera house.
- 792. All proceeds go to benefit
- 793. You know how I feel about the homeless.
They're human beings and have no homes.
- 794. May I help you gentlemen?
- 795. Mitch Weaver and Sam McKenna
to see Travis Cole.
- 796. Mr. Cole said your services
are no longer needed.
- 797. No longer...
- 798. Fellas, I have an idea.
Get Mr. Cole on the phone...
- 799. I have a better idea.
- 800. Why don't we kick
every one of your asses...
- 801. and then go upstairs
and kick Cole's ass, too?
- 802. All right, I screwed up.
- 803. What do we do now?
- 804. Homeless guys.
- 805. I'll give you a dollar each if you run
into this building and yell and scream.
- 806. That's very nice,
but I think what you need...
- 807. are like some psycho,
out-of-control homeless guys.
- 808. We're more the broken, spiritless...
- 809. "I've lost the will to live" type
- 810. How about for two dollars?
- 811. Mitch, Sam, what a pleasant surprise.
- 812. - Where's our money?
- What money?
- 813. You owe us $50,000 for getting the
building on Franklin Street condemned.
- 814. We want it now.
- 815. But I don't even own the building
- 816. I told you I did, but I lied.
Good luck trying to prove it.
- 817. Son of a bitch!
- 818. Once you stopped my bulldozer
from leveling that old lady's house...
- 819. I couldn't let you get away with it.
- 820. So I figured out a way for you to
help me and hurt you at the same time.
- 821. I guess I showed you guys something
about dirty work.
- 822. Whatever. But we're not leaving
without our 50 grand.
- 823. When you jumped on that guard's back
- 824. "The CIA put a chip in my brain"...
- 825. I was laughing so hard
I almost shit my pants.
- 826. Almost?
- 827. Thanks. That was fun.
- 828. More fun than working for Cole.
- 829. - You worked for Cole?
- All of us have.
- 830. I had a life...
- 831. a house, cars,
respect in the community.
- 832. Suddenly it was all taken away.
- 833. I finally realized
just how low I'd sunk.
- 834. I was at my daughter's soccer game.
- 835. She lives with her mom.
- 836. I was standing on the sidelines
and a cop asked me to move along.
- 837. That's when it hit me.
I'm not even a human.
- 838. Here's your $2.
- 839. How could you stand outside
my grandmother's home...
- 840. the day before you destroyed it?
- 841. You're telling me you thought
she was a drug dealer?
- 842. - No, I thought she was a whore!
- What is wrong with you?
- 843. Look, we made a mistake.
- 844. The worst thing is
we didn't even get paid.
- 845. The worst thing is
you didn't get paid?
- 846. - The reason we needed that money...
- Stop right there.
- 847. You drive these people from their homes
and all you care about is money?
- 848. I should call the police.
- 849. I'm really sorry about what happened,
- 850. I'm done listening.
Have a nice life.
- 851. No, beat it, nurse!
- 852. Come back when you're a broad!
- 853. Hey, fellas.
- 854. Why so glum?
- 855. We didn't get the money.
Mr. Sure Thing here was wrong.
- 856. I don't know what happened.
I messed up. I'm sorry.
- 857. That was easy.
- 858. You can chalk this up as a loss
and forget about it. I can't do that.
- 859. Pops is my dad.
- 860. I'm sorry.
I gotta tell him. Sam...
- 861. No. I'll tell him.
- 862. Tell me what?
- 863. I'm Mitch's father, too.
- 864. It's true.
- 865. This is no time for one
of your practical jokes.
- 866. Show him the locket.
- 867. Show me what?
- 868. This is Pops...
- 869. and your mother!
- 870. Yeah, I know.
- 871. You cheated on Mom?
- 872. No! She was there, too.
Who do you think took the picture?
- 873. Wait a minute.
So that makes us...
- 874. Brothers.
- 875. - You lied to me!
- Pops wouldn't let me tell.
- 876. Don't blame him.
You should have told me.
- 877. You know how hard that man
can squeeze a pair of balls?
- 878. It's not bad that we're brothers.
- 879. Sure, for you!
You've got everything.
- 880. You're smart, people like you,
you never have to pay for sex.
- 881. Pops was the one thing I had
that you didn't.
- 882. Now I don't even have that.
- 883. Stay away from me, all right?
- 884. That was really funny,
siccing the cops on us.
- 885. Really?
I thought it was funny...
- 886. but I'm surprised you did
because you got your asses kicked.
- 887. Things will get better.
Hang in there.
- 888. Thanks for listening.
- 889. Listen, pal...
- 890. you ever need anything,
I mean anything at all...
- 891. you come to me.
- 892. - Can I stay at your place tonight?
- This is the thing.
- 893. I live over at the Y, as you know.
- 894. I got a roommate, Old Jack, who is
a little particular about strangers.
- 895. No, problem, Jimmy. Thanks.
- 896. He just got his knee drained.
- 897. I'll find another place.
- 898. He needed it, too. That thing
was getting a little bit ripe.
- 899. I get the picture.
I'll sleep in my car.
- 900. Old Jack's a odd duck, I tell you.
- 901. Many times I catch him staring
at me sleeping, which is off-putting.
- 902. - I guess that would be.
- His feet bleed.
- 903. I don't want to stay at your place!
- 904. Point taken.
Point taken, Mitch.
- 905. Hey, buddy.
- 906. I'm trying to get some sleep
- 907. Note to self. Remember, no matter
how bad life gets, there is always beer.
- 908. All right, I screwed up.
What do we do now?
- 909. Homeless guys.
- 910. I'll give you a dollar each if you run
into this building and yell and scream.
- 911. I left the recorder on.
- 912. I don't even own the building
- 913. I told you I did, but I lied.
Good luck trying to prove it.
- 914. Son of a bitch!
- 915. I guess I showed you something
about dirty work.
- 916. What are you doing?
- 917. Getting the money from Cole.
- 918. My tape recorder was running.
- 919. Everything in Cole's office
I got on tape. And I got a great plan.
- 920. Another plan? Like the plan
that got us here in the first place?
- 921. I think I know how to get the $50,000
to save the apartment. I need your help.
- 922. Look, a lot of stuff came pouring
out of me at the hospital...
- 923. because I was in shock
about what I'd heard.
- 924. How did you feel when you found out?
- 925. I don't know.
At first I felt a little weird.
- 926. But we've always been like brothers.
Now it's just official.
- 927. It's kind of cool.
- 928. I guess it is cool.
But it does change things.
- 929. How?
- 930. Remember in second grade...
- 931. when we used rusty soda can tops
to become blood brothers?
- 932. It was a bunch of trouble for nothing
because we were already brothers.
- 933. Yeah, that's right.
- 934. Hey, remember in fifth grade
when I was under the monkey bars...
- 935. and I peeked at
your sister's underwear?
- 936. Remember that?
- 937. I was sneaking a peek
at my own sister's underwear.
- 938. That's right. And remember
in 12th grade, you had sex with her?
- 939. Okay, enough reminiscing.
- 940. Listen.
- 941. In the past two weeks, I've been
beaten up, thrown out of buildings...
- 942. I've slept in my car,
spent the night in jail...
- 943. And when you were in jail,
- 944. The point is, you aren't the only ones
who got screwed over.
- 945. Yes, I made a big mistake
destroying your building...
- 946. but I know how we can get it back.
- 947. Why should we believe you?
- 948. I walked through life believing
the only principle I had to live by...
- 949. was "Don't take crap from anybody."
- 950. Suddenly all that changed.
- 951. Suddenly I was trying to do something
for someone else.
- 952. We were trying to earn $50,000
to get a heart transplant for our dad.
- 953. You two are brothers?
- 954. Yeah, it's a long story.
- 955. My dad boned his mom.
- 956. Okay, it's a short story.
- 957. I'm saying that when you're doing it
for someone else...
- 958. it's not just revenge,
it's standing up for yourself.
- 959. That's why I'm asking all of us
to stand up for ourselves.
- 960. Travis Cole screwed all of us.
I say we fight back. Are you with me?
- 961. Are you with me based on the guarantee
that if I'm wrong, you can kick my ass?
- 962. I understand how upset you were
when you found out what we did.
- 963. I want to thank you
for going along with us.
- 964. I promise you'll get your building back.
- 965. Okay, Mitch.
- 966. Don't screw me over again.
I mean it.
- 967. Why didn't he punch you, too?
- 968. I have no idea.
- 969. Deciding to fight back against Cole
is turning things around for me.
- 970. Travis Cole is empty inside, so he has
to make everyone around him empty.
- 971. That's what he did to me.
But I'm not empty anymore.
- 972. I'm filled with something,
filled with purpose...
- 973. filled with hope,
filled with dignity.
- 974. It's all thanks to you g...
- 975. Guys?
- 976. Guys, wait up.
- 977. How you doin'? I got a delivery
of some opera costumes here.
- 978. - What's the company name?
- Company name?
- 979. Very clever.
- 980. These brownies are great.
- 981. Let's go, prostitutes, homeless guys.
Shake a leg.
- 982. Come on, haven't got all day.
- 983. Good Lord! I'm in whore heaven!
- 984. What are they watching?
- 985. In this corner, weighing in...
- 986. at 225 pounds...
- 987. the former heavyweight champion
of the world...
- 988. Kenny Norton!
- 989. And his opponent Gary Coleman!
- 990. Come on, man, bring it! Bring it!
- 991. Well, here we are.
- 992. Building tenants, you'll be serving
as the ushers and ticket takers.
- 993. So take one of those,
and Kathy will tell you what to do.
- 994. I can't believe I'm doing this.
I don't know why I'm here.
- 995. Why are you here? Wait, I remember.
Intense physical attraction to me.
- 996. What's the trouble, sir?
- 997. My costume is not here. I cannot go
on a stage without my costume.
- 998. Relax. I will track down
your costume personally.
- 999. By the way, you're a fat guy.
Would you care for a brownie?
- 1000. Excuse me, coming through.
- 1001. Excuse me. Sorry.
Coming through here.
- 1002. I know I must really smell.
Plus, I farted. Coming through.
- 1003. Joining me, the man responsible
for this glorious event...
- 1004. real estate mogul Travis Cole.
- 1005. Thank you. I'm proud of two things
about tonight's event.
- 1006. First, all proceeds from the opera
will go to benefit the homeless.
- 1007. And secondly, I personally oversaw
every aspect of this production.
- 1008. And I believe it will be known
as the finest staging...
- 1009. of Don Giovanni ever presented.
- 1010. Excuse me, coming through.
- 1011. Hey, did you fart? I think
that was me from before. Sorry.
- 1012. Excuse me, coming through.
- 1013. Fellas, you've heard the old saying:
- 1014. "In the land of the blind,
a man with one eye is king."
- 1015. Well, today, in the land
of the skunks...
- 1016. the man with half a nose is king.
- 1017. Hello, everyone.
- 1018. I'm your mayor, Adrian Riggins.
- 1019. Before tonight's performance
of Don Giovanni...
- 1020. let's take a moment to recognize the man
that made this night possible...
- 1021. the best friend this city
has ever had, Travis Cole.
- 1022. Enjoy the opera, everyone.
- 1023. What the...
- 1024. Wow! Get a load
of that mountain range.
- 1025. Come back, baby.
- 1026. This is the most daring portrayal
of Don Giovanni I've ever seen.
- 1027. Let's go. Time for Pops
to climb that mountain.
- 1028. What's up, fruity?
- 1029. How did you... It doesn't matter.
You'll be gone in a minute.
- 1030. Aha! You didn't count on
my loyal army of prostitutes, did you?
- 1031. What do you want?
- 1032. Just relax. Let's watch
your dirty opera.
- 1033. You're a hell of a woman, baby.
- 1034. Let me take you to Vegas.
You know what they say.
- 1035. It ain't over till the fat lady
checks into a hotel with Pops.
- 1036. What are you doing?
You're ruining Don Giovanni.
- 1037. Don Giovanni?
Who's that dude?
- 1038. The opera.
You're ruining the opera.
- 1039. The opera. Yes, we are ruining that.
- 1040. You got it, buddy!
- 1041. Sing the song, boys!
- 1042. Bow, and kneel before me!
- 1043. Jimmy! Release the skunks.
- 1044. Okay, I got it. I'm on it.
- 1045. Don't let me down, boys.
- 1046. Run. Fly. Fly away.
- 1047. Run! Run out! Fly!
- 1048. Fly!
- 1049. Skunks used to heighten the atmosphere
of squalor and despair. Brilliant!
- 1050. The cameras are here.
- 1051. By the way, Travis...
- 1052. remember when you said this?
- 1053. Note to self. Making love to blowup doll
not as good as advertised.
- 1054. Sorry. I must have gone too far.
- 1055. I'll just...
- 1056. I don't even own the building
- 1057. I told you I did, but I lied.
Good luck trying to prove it.
- 1058. Son of a bitch!
- 1059. I bet those reporters would love
to get hold of this tape.
- 1060. How much do you want?
- 1061. All I want is the $50,000
you owe us.
- 1062. $50,000.
- 1063. Make it out to Dr. Farthing.
- 1064. Kirkpatrick.
- 1065. Kirkpatrick is going to punch you
in the stomach.
- 1066. Here you go.
- 1067. You'll sign this contract...
- 1068. that gives back ownership
of 99 Franklin Street to Kirkpatrick.
- 1069. Give it here.
- 1070. Thanks, Mitch.
I'm glad I didn't have to punch you.
- 1071. Me too, buddy.
- 1072. Okay, Cole, it's been nice
doing business with you.
- 1073. You probably want to go home,
- 1074. and enjoy a nice glass
of Chihuahua piss or something.
- 1075. Farthing.
- 1076. Here's the check for $50,000.
- 1077. That's great, Mitch.
- 1078. Want to bet I don't go to my bookie?
- 1079. You're paying off your bookie so you can
live to perform Pops's heart transplant.
- 1080. Note to self.
- 1081. Stop payment on $50,000 check.
- 1082. Travis.
- 1083. Son of a bitch, bastard!
- 1084. You idiot. That contract
won't hold up for ten seconds...
- 1085. after my lawyers get through with it.
- 1086. And, oops, what happened
to your tape?
- 1087. You wrecked it. Well, don't worry.
I have one on the house P.A. system.
- 1088. Hit it, Kathy.
- 1089. Note to self. Remember to get
ass wart cream...
- 1090. for giant wart on my ass.
- 1091. It's a little bit past that.
- 1092. You bastard! You can't destroy me.
I'm Travis Cole.
- 1093. No one destroy's Travis Cole!
- 1094. Fat lady, are you okay?
- 1095. Yes, I'm okay. Just keep
that crazy old man away from me.
- 1096. What the hell is going on?
- 1097. I don't care if you are my son.
Get your own broad.
- 1098. Bravo!
- 1099. In a startling turn of events
at the opera house...
- 1100. real estate mogul Travis Cole
has been arrested for fraud.
- 1101. Mr. Cole, anything to say?
- 1102. Good brownies.
- 1103. Jenkins, listen to me.
This is very important.
- 1104. Stop payment on a check for $50,000
I made out to a Dr. Farthing. Got that?
- 1105. Jenkins, are you ready
for some crazy, rough sex?
- 1106. Absolutely!
- 1107. Good, Jenkins. I'm counting on you.
And find Spunky.
- 1108. Hey, Mitch.
- 1109. Jimmy. Your new nose looks great.
- 1110. Thanks. Best $200 I ever spent.
- 1111. - That girl you're with, she's not the...
- 1112. Lin-Yung, the Saigon whore
who bit my nose off.
- 1113. We're getting hitched.
- 1114. Let's go.
- 1115. Hold on.
I'm talking to my friend here!
- 1116. Jeez, sometimes you got
to remind the hen who the rooster is.
- 1117. Good luck to you, Jimmy.
- 1118. Okay. See you around.
- 1119. When I say "Let's go," you go.
- 1120. Yeah? It's time you shut
your cake hole, Yoko!
- 1121. Women.
- 1122. Don't talk back to me
in front of my friend.
- 1123. You're making me really angry.
- 1124. Whoa, that scares me to death.
- 1125. You bit my new nose off!
- 1126. How you feeling with your new heart?
- 1127. I feel great thanks to you and Sam,
my two boys.
- 1128. Now that I met Gladys, I hope
they can fix another part of my body.
- 1129. I'll give you a hint.
- 1130. It rhymes with "cock."
- 1131. Sam and I got great new jobs.
Pops got his heart. And I got the girl.
- 1132. And Dr. Farthing, well,
he got over his gambling problem.
- 1133. But the bookies beat him
to death anyway, so he's dead.
- 1134. That's it. Bye.
- 1135. Cole, it's nice
doing business with you.
- 1136. Now you probably want to get home...
- 1137. Sorry.
- 1138. - Nurse, you want to record vitals?
- 1139. Cole, it's been nice doing business
with you. Now you...
- 1140. Cut.
- 1141. Say your line again.
- 1142. - Check the gate please.
- 1143. - Well, Cole...
- I'm trying to help you.
- 1144. Have you always been like this?
- 1145. How you got this movie,
I'll never know.
- 1146. - Some other time we could go camping?
- 1147. - You know, just you and me.
- Let's go.
- 1148. Mitch, I'm lonely.