1. Fucking hell.Copy !req
2. Well, you know,
this is Area 52.Copy !req
3. We are filming
the "Sanchez" movie.Copy !req
4. So I got this idea, right,
where we proper up the ante.Copy !req
5. What we got to do is bollock
right down this field,Copy !req
6. we got a massive
football pitch...Copy !req
7. and just smash the car
straight for the caravan.Copy !req
8. But if you get
in the corner—Copy !req
9. If you laid down,
you'd be all right.Copy !req
10. No, 'cause you're
the shortest, right?Copy !req
11. - Oh yeah, great.
- No no no!Copy !req
12. What if it just goes "plop,"
and mows me over?Copy !req
13. - Trust us.
- It's not going to mow you over.Copy !req
14. - God.
- We've worked it out.Copy !req
15. We've got a tape measure
and everything.Copy !req
16. Short man, short life.
Fucking bye!Copy !req
17. Go on, Daint,
fuck him up!Copy !req
18. I'm tellin' you—
no, it's not happening.Copy !req
19. It's not fucking—
end-off, no. Fuckin'. ..Copy !req
20. - Oh, come on, Panch!
- Oh, come on!Copy !req
21. Daint, I don't give
a fuck if you've gotCopy !req
22. a flux capacitor
in that fuckin' car.Copy !req
23. I'm not going
in there, right?Copy !req
24. Before he fuckin'
wakes up,Copy !req
25. let's just bollock it
for the fuckin' caravan,Copy !req
26. straight through—
well, off to the corner,Copy !req
27. 'cause if you go through it,
you'll probably fucking kill him.Copy !req
28. Look at Pritch
with his seatbelt on.Copy !req
29. - Go on!
- Come on!Copy !req
30. What?
Don't fuck around!Copy !req
31. - You fuckin'. ..
- No, Dainton.Copy !req
32. - ... knobber, knobber, knobber.
- Tough fucking shit.Copy !req
33. I got fuckin' payback
for once in my fuckin' life.Copy !req
34. I put chili sauce in your fuckin' eyes
while you were driving.Copy !req
35. Payback? Look where
the fuck we are!Copy !req
36. Payback?
We're fucking dead.Copy !req
37. - Pritchard: Dead?
- Fuckin' monkeys.Copy !req
38. Boys?Copy !req
39. I have a little proposal
for you fellas.Copy !req
40. I want you to go
on a missionCopy !req
41. throughout the world
to wreak havoc,Copy !req
42. inflict painCopy !req
43. and, most importantly of all,Copy !req
44. commit the seven
deadly sins.Copy !req
45. If you succeed,Copy !req
46. I'll give you
your lives back.Copy !req
47. Fail and I'm afraid
this is it, lads—Copy !req
48. the end of the road.Copy !req
49. So go forth and sin.Copy !req
50. I'll see you on the flipside.Copy !req
51. According to Dante,Copy !req
52. sloth deadens
the spiritual senses.Copy !req
53. But according to "Dainto,"Copy !req
54. sloth is the epitome
of man...Copy !req
55. that is Pancho.Copy !req
56. Welcome to the "Sanchez"
sleep trials.Copy !req
57. Step one...Copy !req
58. Superglue.Copy !req
59. Number one.Copy !req
60. His mouth.Copy !req
61. Whoa whoa whoa
whoa whoa— whoa whoa.Copy !req
62. As you can see,
he's quite agitated.Copy !req
63. Feels like
I've got fuckin'Copy !req
64. serious shit
up my nose.Copy !req
65. Watch out,
you got stuff— medicine—Copy !req
66. you've got this stuff
on your head.Copy !req
67. Watch out,
watch out, don't —Copy !req
68. Proof that this man
can fall asleep anywhere in the world.Copy !req
69. Someone's fuckin'
glued my nose up.Copy !req
70. - My nose is fuckin'. ..
- Superglued shut.Copy !req
71. - Try to blow it out.Copy !req
72. It is proper stuck on,
though, isn't it?Copy !req
73. It's going
fuckin' nowhere.Copy !req
74. That's reinforced, that is.Copy !req
75. What happens if I get
a Never-Ending GobstopperCopy !req
76. stuck in the back of
my throat? I'm fucked.Copy !req
77. Ooh.Copy !req
78. It's coming, it's coming,
it's coming, it's coming.Copy !req
79. - It's com— it's coming.
- It's not.Copy !req
80. - It's snot.
- It's coming.Copy !req
81. - It's not!
- It's snot.Copy !req
82. Give me that.
I'll fucking do it myself.Copy !req
83. God, you kids will
do some stupid things.Copy !req
84. - You'll soon find it's rock hard.
- Oh, he's in.Copy !req
85. - Three, two, one.
- Ow!Copy !req
86. Yes, it's gone!Copy !req
87. Oh, you got snot on me.Copy !req
88. Am I sorry of sloth?
Am I? Fuck.Copy !req
89. The rich.Copy !req
90. Now they're a bunch
of funny fuckers.Copy !req
91. - Oh!
- Get him, get him, get him.Copy !req
92. What do they do
to get off their asses?Copy !req
93. Pull!Copy !req
94. I've gone fuckin' deaf.
I can't fuckin' hear nothing.Copy !req
95. This is rabbits.
This is what the toffs like to doCopy !req
96. when the peasants
step onto their land.Copy !req
97. Go for the bollocks.Copy !req
98. My fuckin' nuts!Copy !req
99. - Oh, fuck!
- It's a go.Copy !req
100. Run, rabbit,
run, rabbit, run run run!Copy !req
101. - Let's have it.
- Ow!Copy !req
102. - Ah!
- Oh! Oh!Copy !req
103. - Oh!
- Ah!Copy !req
104. Um, what the fuck
am I doing?Copy !req
105. Aha! Ah!Copy !req
106. - Ah!
- Ow!Copy !req
107. Oh, right in
my bunny boobs!Copy !req
108. Ah! Fuck!Copy !req
109. Oh! I want no—
fuck that!Copy !req
110. Fuck!Copy !req
111. - Right on the ankle— fuckin' boom.Copy !req
112. - Joycey: Go on, take another hit.
- I can't fuckin' walk, Dan.Copy !req
113. This is a challenge
to see who's the laziest,Copy !req
114. who's the most stupid,Copy !req
115. who can take
the most amount of painCopy !req
116. without leaving
their La-Z-Boy.Copy !req
117. Let's see how lazy Pritchard is.Copy !req
118. - Do it.
- Oh I can't, it's not working.Copy !req
119. - Joking.Copy !req
120. Hey!Copy !req
121. - Ah. It's fuckin' so much agony, man.Copy !req
122. - Fuckin'- -
- Oh, Christ!Copy !req
123. - Right, you ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
124. Ah! Cha cha cha
cha cha cha!Copy !req
125. Cha-da da da da! Oh!Copy !req
126. - "Da da da!"Copy !req
127. I lost the La-Z-Boy challengeCopy !req
128. so it's cock action time.Copy !req
129. - Oh, look at him!
- He's got grey hairs.Copy !req
130. He's got grey hairs
on his pubes.Copy !req
131. Oh, am I really
gonna do this?Copy !req
132. - How am I going to perform?
- Get on with it!Copy !req
133. - Just get on with it!
- All: Oh!Copy !req
134. Three, two, one!Copy !req
135. Oh, God!Copy !req
136. I pressed the trigger,
it didn't go!Copy !req
137. - Three, two, one.Copy !req
138. Another.
Do another one!Copy !req
139. I'm not gonna—
I won't, I won't, I won't!Copy !req
140. Boys, you want
to see it?Copy !req
141. Oh, no no!Copy !req
142. You're dead!Copy !req
143. You're dead,
you're dead!Copy !req
144. I'm dead.
Pritchard versus Dainton.Copy !req
145. He is dead.Copy !req
146. Three, oh...Copy !req
147. two, one.Copy !req
148. Ah!Copy !req
149. I didn't think
it would hurt my skull.Copy !req
150. Ah!Copy !req
151. Taught you then.Copy !req
152. - Watch it.
- Hey!Copy !req
153. Don't mess around!Copy !req
154. - Rah!Copy !req
155. You freak!Copy !req
156. - You pig!
- Keep crying, keep crying.Copy !req
157. - Holy fuck!
- It went in. It went in my finger.Copy !req
158. Right on my nail!Copy !req
159. Daint, you fuckin' penis!Copy !req
160. - Dainton: Jesus Christ.
- Fuckin' penis licker!Copy !req
161. Knew I shouldn't have
fuckin' trusted you.Copy !req
162. Oh, I'm gonna faint.Copy !req
163. Don't play fuckin'
darts with Dainton.Copy !req
164. Right in the fuckin' nail.Copy !req
165. Right in
the fuckin' nail.Copy !req
166. Twat!Copy !req
167. You can't drink that.Copy !req
168. So what about
a rogue finger?Copy !req
169. Here we go—
big or small, fuck 'em all.Copy !req
170. So what about a rogue finger?Copy !req
171. This is just
a quick exampleCopy !req
172. of whether I'm proper
slothed out or not.Copy !req
173. - Stretch it a bit more.
- Dainton: Come on!Copy !req
174. But there's no way
I will fuck with him now.Copy !req
175. I'm gonna shoot
sloth to angerCopy !req
176. in one easy move.Copy !req
177. Shh, he's going green.Copy !req
178. Shh.Copy !req
179. Right, if we're gonna try and turn
Pancho into "The Incredible Hulk,"Copy !req
180. we need to cut
his clothes up.Copy !req
181. We've been trying to
do this for five years.Copy !req
182. There's something
I draw the line at.Copy !req
183. Jim Hickey: What?Copy !req
184. - There's no way—Copy !req
185. Stop it, that's
fuckin' male— stop it.Copy !req
186. - Fucking stop it.
- Jim: What are they doing?Copy !req
187. - Joycey: That's fuckin' funny, man.
- Not funny.Copy !req
188. - Shut up.
- Jim: What are they doing?Copy !req
189. - Shh.
- Jim: What are they doing?Copy !req
190. I'm not gonna—
I'm not— shh!Copy !req
191. I'm not— shut up!Copy !req
192. I'm not gonna tell you
what they're doing.Copy !req
193. But you never thought
the Incredible Hulk—Copy !req
194. I leave it
to your imagination.Copy !req
195. Panch!Copy !req
196. The sloth to anger,
in one easy move.Copy !req
197. - Dainton: My God.Copy !req
198. Pritch,
you got his eyes.Copy !req
199. What?Copy !req
200. You got
his fuckin' eyes.Copy !req
201. Yeah, but it's
watered down.Copy !req
202. You're fucked now.
You've fucked it.Copy !req
203. Oh, fuck off.
You're staying here.Copy !req
204. That's bullshit.Copy !req
205. Fuck off.Copy !req
206. Is there a prob—
is there a problem here?Copy !req
207. Don't fuckin' have
a go at me, mate.Copy !req
208. It's naught
to do with me.Copy !req
209. It's nothing
to do with me.Copy !req
210. Jim, it's fuckin' all to do with you.Copy !req
211. - It's not to do with me.
- Joycey: It's not Jim, it's not Jim.Copy !req
212. Leave Jim alone.Copy !req
213. He doesn't even know
he looks like the Hulk.Copy !req
214. I'm green— great.Copy !req
215. - Ah!
- Oh!Copy !req
216. - Oh!
- Ahhh!Copy !req
217. - There he is— Paul Weller.
- Jim: What's a Paul Weller?Copy !req
218. It just wells up.Copy !req
219. Of all the things
that go bump in the night...Copy !req
220. that's Daint.Copy !req
221. Daddy's here!Copy !req
222. Ow!Copy !req
223. There's one thing that
really fuckin' makes me angry,Copy !req
224. and that's his
fuckin' snoring.Copy !req
225. Time for a sleep, Panch.Copy !req
226. Come on, boy.
Come to Daddy.Copy !req
227. Come on!Copy !req
228. My motto in life is
"Sleep when you're dead."Copy !req
229. So I decided to come
to a tattooist in RussiaCopy !req
230. and have "Sleep when you're dead"
tattooed on my leg in Russian.Copy !req
231. There's a thousand ways
to make Pritchard angry.Copy !req
232. But sometimes it's the
most simplest of thingsCopy !req
233. that can make a man
go fuckin' insane.Copy !req
234. It takes a lot to
make me angry basically.Copy !req
235. Somebody will really have
to keep tap-tap pushingCopy !req
236. to make— make...Copy !req
237. Can Pritchard
spin that coinCopy !req
238. for plus 19 and
a half seconds dead?Copy !req
239. One—
oh, shit.Copy !req
240. My relationship
with Dainton—Copy !req
241. I think that's
the only thing that properlyCopy !req
242. drives me fuckin'
angry— Dainton.Copy !req
243. Pritchard is coming
tomorrow morning to get a tattoo—Copy !req
244. "Sleep when you're dead" —
done on his leg.Copy !req
245. Those words are gonna get lost
in translation with my translator.Copy !req
246. Don't get me wrong,
I love it.Copy !req
247. It's brilliant. That's the whole
Pritchard-versus-Dainton thing.Copy !req
248. Let's wake
this little piggy up.Copy !req
249. If there's anyone that properly
does make me angry, it's Dainton.Copy !req
250. Not even himself makes me angry,
it's just the way he does things.Copy !req
251. Daint,
you are a ring nut.Copy !req
252. It's always a competition
between me and him,Copy !req
253. but he always gets
the upper hand.Copy !req
254. I want "Sleep
when I'm dead,"Copy !req
255. but you need to say,
when you translate it...Copy !req
256. He knows— he knows
where my breaking point is...Copy !req
257. and when he knows he's reached
that breaking point with me,Copy !req
258. he will—Copy !req
259. he knows
to back off then.Copy !req
260. - Fucking prick!Copy !req
261. - Fuck you.
- You fuckin' punched me in the face.Copy !req
262. "Sleep when you're dead"
in Russian.Copy !req
263. Right on.
It must really mean "Beef StroganoffCopy !req
264. and a lovely vodka,
thank you very much," but there we go.Copy !req
265. - Spasibo.
- Ne za chto.Copy !req
266. This is
gonna fuck him up.Copy !req
267. Well, we're in
a paintball shooting place.Copy !req
268. I'm going to attempt—
and when I say attempt—Copy !req
269. attempt to try and beat
the world recordCopy !req
270. of the amount of paintball hits
to a human body.Copy !req
271. Right, this is a testCopy !req
272. to show you how powerful
these guns areCopy !req
273. that he's gonna be shot with
to break the world record.Copy !req
274. Hit the bin.Copy !req
275. From my experience of
being hit by a paintball—Copy !req
276. naked, before,Copy !req
277. in previous years—Copy !req
278. it's absolutely
fuckin' painful as fuck.Copy !req
279. 103 of those to break
the world record.Copy !req
280. But there isn't even
a world record.Copy !req
281. Right, "Thank you for your interest
in the paintball hits recordCopy !req
282. featured in the 2004 edition
of 'T he Guinness World Records.'Copy !req
283. The record is currently
held by Anthony Kelly" —Copy !req
284. that's the man
you got to beat—Copy !req
285. - "of New South Wales..."
- All: Oh!Copy !req
286. Maybe there'll be a new record
from the New South Wales.Copy !req
287. "... in Australia,
who took 102 hitsCopy !req
288. from a distance
of five meters.Copy !req
289. I have enclosed
a record-attempt registrationCopy !req
290. from which our terms
and conditions..." blah blah blah.Copy !req
291. "I wish you best of luck
in your record attemptCopy !req
292. and look forward
to hearing from you soon.Copy !req
293. Yours truly,
Gerald Davey."Copy !req
294. I can actually properly be
in "The Guinness Book of Records."Copy !req
295. - All: Yeah.
- I never knew it was that official.Copy !req
296. - Yeah.
- Fuckin' hell.Copy !req
297. Oh my God. I've fuckin'
made me even more nervous.Copy !req
298. You ready to roll,
Pritchard?Copy !req
299. - Yes, Daint!
- Come on!Copy !req
300. - Pancho: 10 down.Copy !req
301. - Joycey: 10.
- Dainton: 92 to go!Copy !req
302. Come on, Math, you can do it!Copy !req
303. Feel the pain.Copy !req
304. Oh, Jesus fuckin'- -
fuck a duck.Copy !req
305. - Go!Copy !req
306. - How many?
- 10, 10.Copy !req
307. 20!Copy !req
308. two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.Copy !req
309. Ah!Copy !req
310. Oh, that fuckin' Anthony Kelly's
a fucking right thick cunt.Copy !req
311. three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.Copy !req
312. Oh!Copy !req
313. 51, 52...Copy !req
314. - Panch, you fuckin' missed.
- A lot of those missed.Copy !req
315. - Fuck!
- Have you been drinking?Copy !req
316. - I haven't.
- You said you missed three,Copy !req
317. - but now you've missed two.
- Two or three.Copy !req
318. Well, make your mind up.Copy !req
319. This is a world record attempt
we're breaking, motherfucker.Copy !req
320. - You can't have more miss.
- I got hit with three.Copy !req
321. I felt three—
I was counting them.Copy !req
322. - Ready? Three, two, one.
- Yeah.Copy !req
323. - Ah!
- Shoot!Copy !req
324. - Oh!
- Come on!Copy !req
325. You look like fuckin'
King Kong spunked on you.Copy !req
326. Ah!Copy !req
327. Ay-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!
Fuckin' 90!Copy !req
328. - Ah!
- One, two, three, four, five, six,Copy !req
329. - seven, eight, nine, 10!
- Ah!Copy !req
330. I only need another three,
I've fuckin' done it.Copy !req
331. Four.Copy !req
332. The record's 102.
I only need 103.Copy !req
333. Only three more and
I've fuckin' beaten it.Copy !req
334. I'm in that fuckin'
great book, baby!Copy !req
335. - Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
336. For being
a right stupid twat!Copy !req
337. Come on, Pritch!
Here we go, to victory!Copy !req
338. Three, two, one!Copy !req
339. Fucking done it!Copy !req
340. Yeah!Copy !req
341. World record holder—
103 paintballs to the body.Copy !req
342. Kelly, kiss my ass,
you did 102.Copy !req
343. Maybe it's gone too far?Copy !req
344. Well, Jim, it's gone too far.
He looks like he's been hit—Copy !req
345. he looks like he's been hit
by a fuckin' truck.Copy !req
346. He's ecstatic. He said,
"I can't wait to phone my mom."Copy !req
347. To tell you the truth...Copy !req
348. when I realized
I'd broken the record,Copy !req
349. I mean obviously I knew
in my head, I've broken a record,Copy !req
350. I was really excited—
I was jumping around telling...Copy !req
351. Crew, I've done it!Copy !req
352. Shit.Copy !req
353. I mean, as a kid,
you always readCopy !req
354. "The Guinness Book
of Records"Copy !req
355. when you have it for Christmas
or something like that.Copy !req
356. You immediately think,
"Oh, I'd love to be in this book."Copy !req
357. But, now I'm finally
gonna make it in the book.Copy !req
358. You all right, Math?Copy !req
359. Boys, you wanna see
the state of my fuckin' body?Copy !req
360. - Let's have a look.
- Pritchard: It's fucked.Copy !req
361. - Give us a ganders.
- Fuckin' ready?Copy !req
362. - Let's have a look.
- Oh my God!Copy !req
363. Oh my fuckin' shit-flaps.Copy !req
364. Oh my— oh my God,
look at that.Copy !req
365. Look at how savage it is.
They're all raised up.Copy !req
366. Oh, it's fucking hell, man.Copy !req
367. Look at that fucker!
Oh my God!Copy !req
368. Fuck me!
Look at that.Copy !req
369. That's fucked.
I can't even look at it.Copy !req
370. That's the good thing
about skin, boys. It fuckin' heals.Copy !req
371. I've always said, whoever invented it
was a fuckin' genius.Copy !req
372. I've never seen
anything like that.Copy !req
373. I've never seen so much
fuckin' carnage on one bodyCopy !req
374. after paintballs.Copy !req
375. And when he finds out that— when
he finds out there's no world record—Copy !req
376. I made it up on
the computer last night—Copy !req
377. I'm seriously, seriously in some
seriously deep shit.Copy !req
378. Yeah, you know,
Pritchard's fuckin' shaved my hair offCopy !req
379. fucking God knows
what so many times.Copy !req
380. He deserves
to be tucked up.Copy !req
381. That'll teach the fucker
to fuckin' snore.Copy !req
382. Breathe.Copy !req
383. Now we have
the peacemaker,Copy !req
384. Mikhail Gorbachev.Copy !req
385. Right, that is it.Copy !req
386. Right— fuck.Copy !req
387. - Pancho.
- What?Copy !req
388. - What's wrong with you?
- What do you mean,Copy !req
389. "What's wrong with you?"Copy !req
390. Look at his long johnsCopy !req
391. You— you knew
it was gonna—Copy !req
392. Don't punch me.Copy !req
393. Oh, just punch me.
Go on, punch me.Copy !req
394. - Right.
- Punch me. Go on, punch me.Copy !req
395. Oh!Copy !req
396. Whoa.Copy !req
397. He's gonna have a shit on him.
He's having a shit on him!Copy !req
398. You're fucking dead.Copy !req
399. This is Russia,
this was anger.Copy !req
400. He semi-knocked
me out then.Copy !req
401. Fuck this place, right?
This place is so full of anger,Copy !req
402. I need some love.Copy !req
403. Let me...Copy !req
404. Come in here, Dainton!Copy !req
405. Oh ho!
I love— whoa!Copy !req
406. Get off me!Copy !req
407. Take me to Thailand
for the ladyboys.Copy !req
408. Dirty boys!Copy !req
409. Come inside.Copy !req
410. Dirty boys!Copy !req
411. "I love Dainton."Copy !req
412. He's gonna
go fuckin' nuts.Copy !req
413. Right, we're in Bangkok.Copy !req
414. Bit of a ghetto area.Copy !req
415. Per pound, you can get
liposuction done here.Copy !req
416. - The ping-pong lady...
- Oh!Copy !req
417. said me too chubby.Copy !req
418. Me need
to lose weight.Copy !req
419. Too chubby, too chubby.Copy !req
420. If they can make those
ladyboys look fuckin' good...Copy !req
421. then there might be hope
for me yet. You never know.Copy !req
422. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
423. - I am Pancho.
- I'm Dr. Somsak.Copy !req
424. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
425. Would you say
I have a beer belly?Copy !req
426. Yes, in compare to your height.Copy !req
427. Yeah, I'm a bit overweight, yeah.Copy !req
428. Uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
429. But it makes me
stronger to party.Copy !req
430. This is the real deal, isn't it?Copy !req
431. I don't think
he realizes how—Copy !req
432. I don't think he realizes
what he's let himself in for.Copy !req
433. How does it feel,
taking fat out?Copy !req
434. - Oh, some pain.Copy !req
435. Some pain?Copy !req
436. - Some pain.Copy !req
437. This is the fat that come out
in the bottle after liposuction.Copy !req
438. Ooh.Copy !req
439. This is blood,
and this is fat.Copy !req
440. This is like putting
pantyliners on your face.Copy !req
441. New, with wings.Copy !req
442. I've got to be honest—
I am proper shittin' it.Copy !req
443. Time for your medication,
Mr. Locke.Copy !req
444. Done some stupid,
silly stuff in my time,Copy !req
445. but this takes
the biscuit.Copy !req
446. Oh my God, I'm not gonna
be able to see what's happening.Copy !req
447. The operation's
about to begin.Copy !req
448. - See the size of that needle.
- Pancho: Oh shut up, man.Copy !req
449. - Pancho: I can't feel anything yet.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
450. Has he cut me open?Copy !req
451. No.Copy !req
452. Oh my God.
Fuckin' hell.Copy !req
453. Look at the size
of that rod.Copy !req
454. Ow! Jesus, man.Copy !req
455. He gone right down
by my hipbone.Copy !req
456. No more!
Ah. Fuckin' hell, man.Copy !req
457. Ow!Copy !req
458. Oh fuck!
I'm fuckin'- -Copy !req
459. Squeeze my hand, man.Copy !req
460. Panch, I can see the head.
I can see the head, keep pushing.Copy !req
461. - Boys, I can't go through much more.
- Squeeze my hand, man.Copy !req
462. I can't —
it fuckin' feels so bad.Copy !req
463. He hasn't even
started yet.Copy !req
464. - Panch, squeeze my hand,Copy !req
465. squeeze my hand.
Ah! Fuckin' A.Copy !req
466. Fingers are diggin' in.Copy !req
467. It's all right, man.
It's all right, this is it.Copy !req
468. That's it.
You're done.Copy !req
469. Oh, they've just started.Copy !req
470. "Not done, just start."Copy !req
471. - Joycey: Keep your hands up.
- Oh no no.Copy !req
472. They're about to start sucking
the fat out of Pancho's hips.Copy !req
473. - Ah!
- Savage, man.Copy !req
474. Oh whoa whoa whoa! Ow!Copy !req
475. Pancho said "Ow."Copy !req
476. No.Copy !req
477. - Eww!
- Gosh!Copy !req
478. Ow ow ow ow ow!Copy !req
479. I told you "Ow" means "More,"
you fuckin' plonker.Copy !req
480. Ah! Fuckin' hell, man!Copy !req
481. Shut up! Get out,
you fucking bell-end!Copy !req
482. Daint, I'm not finding
any amusement in this now, right?Copy !req
483. I'm really starting
to spook out.Copy !req
484. Ah. Yeah!Copy !req
485. Done, Panch,
you're done.Copy !req
486. That is your fat.Copy !req
487. I will give you,
so you can take the fat home.Copy !req
488. Oh my God, look how
much is there.Copy !req
489. Oh! Oh my God.Copy !req
490. - You're gonna love this.
- Oh!Copy !req
491. Right, now we've got it.Copy !req
492. I think we've got to think
of some way to get rid of it.Copy !req
493. We're in Bangkok,
Thailand,Copy !req
494. and it's time to play
"Guess the Ladyboy,"Copy !req
495. but the thing is
I know myselfCopy !req
496. that all these girls
here are ladyboys.Copy !req
497. A man or lady?Copy !req
498. Um, guy.Copy !req
499. - Pritchard: Nice ass on there.Copy !req
500. Oh, fuck off,
that's a dude.Copy !req
501. - That is definitely a bloke.
- No, that's definitely not.Copy !req
502. He's a man, look. He's got
a fuckin' Desperate Dan chin.Copy !req
503. - Joycey: Oh, look at that, yeah.
- Pritchard: That's a woman.Copy !req
504. That's a fuckin' man.Copy !req
505. - Look at her hands.
- Look at his hands.Copy !req
506. - That's a man.
- Oh yeah!Copy !req
507. That's a dude.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
508. - Thank you.
- Cheers, Roger.Copy !req
509. - Jim: We've got to do it!
- Jim!Copy !req
510. Jim! Are you
fuckin' listening?Copy !req
511. I am not
kissing a man!Copy !req
512. Fuckin' end of story!
If it was a fuckin' womanCopy !req
513. and I thought it was
a fucking woman and it was a man,Copy !req
514. my tough shit.
I am not kissing a fucking man.Copy !req
515. - Joycey: Is one a girl?
- Dainton: There's not.Copy !req
516. Tell him which one
it is then. Tell him then.Copy !req
517. - Tell him which one it is.Copy !req
518. Jim, Jim, Jim...Copy !req
519. Is it a woman?Copy !req
520. All right, then, brilliant.
That's okay then.Copy !req
521. She has to be a woman.Copy !req
522. There's no way someone
like that can look like a man.Copy !req
523. Which one do you
think is a woman?Copy !req
524. The one with the stars
and stripes on.Copy !req
525. - That's a woman?
- Yeah.Copy !req
526. All right then.Copy !req
527. - Oh, this is the one I choose.Copy !req
528. I hope it's
a fucking woman.Copy !req
529. What do you reckon?
What do you reckon, Math?Copy !req
530. - Kiss it, Math.
- All: Oh!Copy !req
531. - Go on then, Dave.
- She's supposed to be a woman.Copy !req
532. It ain't, is it?Copy !req
533. That's a man.
This is clearly a man.Copy !req
534. I can't even look.Copy !req
535. Oh!Copy !req
536. Go for the kiss.
Go for the kiss.Copy !req
537. - All: Oh!
- He just tongued it.Copy !req
538. That's it, finished.
Nice one, mate. Cheers.Copy !req
539. No no!
I'm gonna be sick.Copy !req
540. I can't —Copy !req
541. Please be a man. What am I saying?
Please be a woman.Copy !req
542. - "Be a man" ?
- She does look pretty good though.Copy !req
543. It is a woman,
isn't it?Copy !req
544. It is a woman, isn't it?Copy !req
545. Oh, Dainton,
she's got wicked fuckin' knockers.Copy !req
546. Oh! And the tongue
went in!Copy !req
547. I've got a bit
of a boner coming.Copy !req
548. - And he's got—
- ... in the valleys, Daint.Copy !req
549. - They don't take too lightly—
- Whoa whoa! Just in case!Copy !req
550. Hello.Copy !req
551. Are you a man or are you
a woman? Let's have a look.Copy !req
552. - Oh— oh yeah, there's a cock.
- It's a man! Oh my God!Copy !req
553. Oh Jesus! Fuck!Copy !req
554. All right, mate.
Yep, let's see what you got.Copy !req
555. What have you got?
Oh my God!Copy !req
556. Reveal.Copy !req
557. - Oh, it's a cock.
- It's a cock.Copy !req
558. - Oh Jesus.
- Put it away, put it away!Copy !req
559. I know she might be an ugly girl,
but it's not a pretty boy.Copy !req
560. - Let's have a look at the crown jewels.
- There's a cock in there.Copy !req
561. I think there's a cock. No no—
what have we got, what have we got?Copy !req
562. - Cock!
- There's a cock!Copy !req
563. Oh! Fuck!
Get off me!Copy !req
564. He got himself one of them!Copy !req
565. He even got a fuckin'
semi-hard-on and everythingCopy !req
566. and he fucking
used his tongue,Copy !req
567. when everyone else just
kissed him on the lips.Copy !req
568. I've got fuckin'- -
I've got a misses and kids at home.Copy !req
569. What the fuck are they gonna do
when they see that?Copy !req
570. The missus probably
won't kiss me— oh fuck.Copy !req
571. I actually went backstage
when you were outside,Copy !req
572. and I knew that every
single one was a man.Copy !req
573. - You're fuckin' dead!Copy !req
574. - You fuckin' cunt!
- Fuckin'- -!Copy !req
575. You set me up with
a fuckin' woman— man, you dick!Copy !req
576. You got a boner
off a man. Payback.Copy !req
577. Oh, fuck off.Copy !req
578. "What have you been doing
in Thailand, Dainton?"Copy !req
579. "Oh, just been hanging out
with some ladyboys, you know,Copy !req
580. having lap dances.
Even got aroused."Copy !req
581. Okay, boys, this is called
a game of Bangkok Roulette.Copy !req
582. Ning is gonna come in,
go under there,Copy !req
583. do her business.
We've got to try and guessCopy !req
584. who she's doing
the business on.Copy !req
585. But if you get it wrong,Copy !req
586. then you'll have to have
a bug and down a whiskey.Copy !req
587. - And those bugs are fuckin' rank.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
588. Oh, look at that one.
He's got a face.Copy !req
589. Oh!Copy !req
590. Right then, boys,Copy !req
591. - this is my sexy assistant, Ning.
- Hello.Copy !req
592. She's the one who's going
to be pleasuring us tonight.Copy !req
593. God, they don't
hang around, do they?Copy !req
594. Right then, boys,
down with the pants.Copy !req
595. Are you ready
to play Bangkok Roulette?Copy !req
596. I'm fucking
smiling already.Copy !req
597. All right then, after three.
Three, two, one.Copy !req
598. Fuckin' hell, there's some good
poker faces here, boys.Copy !req
599. Right, that's the 30 seconds up.Copy !req
600. Now we've got to guess.
We'll start with Dainton.Copy !req
601. Who do you think
was getting played with?Copy !req
602. Boys, I can't tell you
because I am being played with.Copy !req
603. I thought—
I thought it was you.Copy !req
604. It's me!Copy !req
605. Can you tell her to stop?
I might get a boner.Copy !req
606. "Say hello to
my little friend."Copy !req
607. Get it over
and done with. Come on.Copy !req
608. Come on, Pritch.
It's not a spider.Copy !req
609. I just— sorry, boys,
that freaked me out then.Copy !req
610. - Why?
- A bit of his leg was in my mouth.Copy !req
611. Come on, stop stalling.Copy !req
612. - These boys are gonna get—
- Go on, chew it.Copy !req
613. I can't do it!
I don't like bugs!Copy !req
614. I don't like fuckin'- -Copy !req
615. I don't like ladyboys,
but you fuckin' tricked me.Copy !req
616. He's fuckin'
freaking me out.Copy !req
617. Payback, Pritch.
Payback.Copy !req
618. - Don't be sick on Ning.
- Get the leg.Copy !req
619. Own up, who was it?Copy !req
620. There we go. Look.Copy !req
621. - Come on!
- It's going in.Copy !req
622. Oh, don't be sick now.Copy !req
623. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
624. - Oh!
- Ew!Copy !req
625. - Don't want to spill.
- All: Oh!Copy !req
626. - You.
- It was me and I got a raging boner.Copy !req
627. - Oh no no no no!Copy !req
628. Quick quick quick.
Come on, Pancho!Copy !req
629. Go on, get it down.Copy !req
630. You what?Copy !req
631. Boys, the bugs
ain't even that bad.Copy !req
632. I could stay here drinking whiskey
and eating bugs all night.Copy !req
633. It's like pork scratchings,
that's all it is.Copy !req
634. Well, let's fuckin'
up the ante, then.Copy !req
635. - Up the ante?
- Yeah, let's do it with something else.Copy !req
636. I've got some
good stuff here, lads.Copy !req
637. - It's my man-fat.Copy !req
638. Jesus—!Copy !req
639. Probably about 90% proof.Copy !req
640. I've set up a little game show.
You remember "Family Fortune" ?Copy !req
641. This is called
"Unfortunate Wank."Copy !req
642. We'll do the same thing—
whoever gets wanked offCopy !req
643. has to fuckin'
down the fat.Copy !req
644. What, whichever one
she picks?Copy !req
645. Yeah. So she's picking
who eats the fat.Copy !req
646. No way.Copy !req
647. Whoever gets the wank
has to down the man-fat.Copy !req
648. Without further ado,
Ming, do your thing!Copy !req
649. Oh my God.Copy !req
650. Sucker!Copy !req
651. That looks fucking rank.
Look at it.Copy !req
652. It's all like bits
of fuckin'- -Copy !req
653. That's not—
that's not food, man.Copy !req
654. That's proper fuckin'
Panch fat.Copy !req
655. Look, the doctor
showed me, right...Copy !req
656. This is blood,
and this is fat.Copy !req
657. It's fucked up.
You— you're in there.Copy !req
658. - Dainton: Let's get on with it.
- This is fucking cannibalism,Copy !req
659. for fuck's sake.
You get sent down for this shit.Copy !req
660. Well, separate—
separate the blood from the fat.Copy !req
661. Pour it in,
pour it in, pour it in.Copy !req
662. This—
oh! Oh man!Copy !req
663. Oh, that is fucking wrong, man.Copy !req
664. See, there's blood there.Copy !req
665. Look— don't — there's a bucket there.
There's a bucket there.Copy !req
666. Oh my God,
there's a stringy bit!Copy !req
667. Look at it,
just dangling!Copy !req
668. Oh man!Copy !req
669. Oh!Copy !req
670. No shit.
This is without a doubtCopy !req
671. the sickest, fucked-up stunt
we've ever— we've ever done.Copy !req
672. If you're in the cinema now
watching this,Copy !req
673. pull your sick bag out,
because this is gonna be fucking needed.Copy !req
674. Steak— lovely,
very very rare steak.Copy !req
675. It's a very rare steak.Copy !req
676. Oh!Copy !req
677. Oh! Fuck!Copy !req
678. Oh my God.Copy !req
679. Oh God!Copy !req
680. All right, I'm gonna
fucking do this againCopy !req
681. and I'm gonna
keep it down this time.Copy !req
682. I don't want to be
a part of this anymore.Copy !req
683. - This has gone too far.
- It's just smooth water.Copy !req
684. It's just smooth water.Copy !req
685. Relax, calm
calm calm.Copy !req
686. Relax, swallow.Copy !req
687. Gulp, gulp it.Copy !req
688. Gulp.Copy !req
689. Go on—
it's tomato juice.Copy !req
690. - Yeah!
- I've just eaten a fuckin' man,Copy !req
691. for fuck's sake!Copy !req
692. - If you haven't goneCopy !req
693. for your doggy bag yet...Copy !req
694. you're as equally fucked
as these bastards.Copy !req
695. Welcome to "Dirty Sanchez."
I've just eaten a man.Copy !req
696. Here we are!
Phi Phi!Copy !req
697. We've just done lust,
now it's time for envy.Copy !req
698. Ooh, don't.
That was nice.Copy !req
699. All right, boys, you just
arrived in Phi Phi.Copy !req
700. Nice, isn't it?Copy !req
701. - Lovely, Dainton.
- It is.Copy !req
702. There's a price to pay
for everything, though, isn't there?Copy !req
703. Exactly, because
this is the deal, yeah?Copy !req
704. - We're gonna have a little crab race.
- I don't like crabs!Copy !req
705. Two crabs that are winners,Copy !req
706. those guys get to stay in
the beautiful accommodation...Copy !req
707. Welcome to Zeavola.Copy !req
708. This is
a five-stars property.Copy !req
709. For those who stay here,
they can relax, enjoy and being lazy.Copy !req
710. and the guys with
the slowest crabs,Copy !req
711. gotta go in— the accommodation
is a rat-infested shitholeCopy !req
712. on the other side
of the island.Copy !req
713. Luckily, Daint, I think
I picked up crabs in fucking Bangkok,Copy !req
714. - and these are fast fuckers.
- Go on, Number Two.Copy !req
715. - Come on, Number Four.
- Give me. Give me rock.Copy !req
716. Come on, crab.
Come on!Copy !req
717. Yes!
Mine's out first!Copy !req
718. - Come on. Come on, boy.Copy !req
719. I bloody spurred yours.
I made yours win!Copy !req
720. I was given a fucking crab
that wasn't even alive,Copy !req
721. that was never going anywhere. I was
always sleeping in the tin fucking-hut.Copy !req
722. I'm gonna make you sick with envy
when you see my place. Come on.Copy !req
723. Do you want to come
and have a look at my little pad?Copy !req
724. I'd rather wank
my old man off, Panch.Copy !req
725. Welcome to Zeavola.Copy !req
726. Oh, boys, I do see
our swimming pool.Copy !req
727. - Joycey: Oh, fuck off!
- Pritchard: Oh my God!Copy !req
728. Well, it looks like
fucking shantytown to me already.Copy !req
729. - Oh, look at that.Copy !req
730. Shoes off, Joyce.
Just look at this place.Copy !req
731. Fit for a king.
Fit for a king!Copy !req
732. - Oh my God.
- Oh, dude.Copy !req
733. Look at what I'll see
in the morning when I wake up.Copy !req
734. This takes the piss.Copy !req
735. There's cockroaches
on the bed!Copy !req
736. - Where? Let's have a look.
- I can't sleep in here.Copy !req
737. I told you. At least there's
a bit of porn on the wall.Copy !req
738. Ooh, look. We've got
lights in here.Copy !req
739. I thought they
were fairy lights.Copy !req
740. They're just holes
in the ceiling.Copy !req
741. I tell you what— I think there's
a few fucking rats in the ground here.Copy !req
742. - Oh what?
- You said rat-infested.Copy !req
743. There's a fucking
red ants' nest up in the treeCopy !req
744. - in that pair of old stinking pants.
- Joycey: There is as well.Copy !req
745. I ain't fucking staying here.
I can tell you that now.Copy !req
746. You've got to.
It's "Sanchez Rule."Copy !req
747. "Sanchez Rule" has
always been the same:Copy !req
748. You lose, you fucking
stick the consequence.Copy !req
749. But Daint, there's
fucking bugs everywhere.Copy !req
750. - I'm fucking not—
- Whoa, man!Copy !req
751. - Fuck, look at the size—
- See what I mean?Copy !req
752. We can't fucking sleep here.Copy !req
753. He's carrying half a tree.
You've got to stay here.Copy !req
754. You lost fair and square,
we won fair and square.Copy !req
755. Yeah, but you're in
a seven-star fucking hotel.Copy !req
756. Welcome to Zeavola.Copy !req
757. If I'm staying in here,
I'm gonna make sureCopy !req
758. you go back to that hotel
fucking pissed off.Copy !req
759. Like how?
I'm going back to the hotel—Copy !req
760. - Do you want to fucking see?
- I'm going back to the hotelCopy !req
761. with the biggest grin on my face knowing
that you're stuck in this proper—Copy !req
762. this is worse
than I described.Copy !req
763. Yeah, but when you
go back to the hotel...Copy !req
764. you're going to be
proper pissed off when you see this.Copy !req
765. "I love Dainton."Copy !req
766. - Dainton, are you not envious of that?
- You're fucking sick!Copy !req
767. - Aren't you envious of that?
- "I heart Dainton."Copy !req
768. Are you sure you don't want
to share your seven-star roomCopy !req
769. - with me now, love?
- Who's envious now, eh?Copy !req
770. - Is that fucking real?
- Yeah.Copy !req
771. Try and rub it off,
Dainton.Copy !req
772. Pritch, you can't have fucking
"I love Dainton" on your cock!Copy !req
773. You don't fucking
love me, you hate me.Copy !req
774. By the end of this I'm going
to make sure you really hate me.Copy !req
775. You're going to want
to chop your own cock off.Copy !req
776. I tell you— I'm going
to fucking knock you out.Copy !req
777. "I love Dainton"Copy !req
778. What in God's name have I don't to you?Copy !req
779. Oh, fucking hell!
It's never-fucking-ending!Copy !req
780. There's no record
for the most paintballs to the body.Copy !req
781. - Oh fucking God!Copy !req
782. That fucking Anthony Kelly,
he's a right thick cunt.Copy !req
783. - You fucking wanker!Copy !req
784. Yes!Copy !req
785. - Yes!
- The whole letter, it was fake.Copy !req
786. 103 fucking bullets to my fucking body
and there's no such thing?Copy !req
787. I'm in that
fucking great book, baby!Copy !req
788. Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
789. I've got 103 bullet holes
in my fucking bodyCopy !req
790. for fucking
no reason at all!Copy !req
791. I'm sorry,
this is fucking amazing!Copy !req
792. This is the funniest thing
I've ever seen.Copy !req
793. 103 fucking bullet holes—
what else are you gonna do to me?Copy !req
794. - Knock you out!
- You're gonna catch malariaCopy !req
795. - staying in this shithole tonight.
- I'll tell you what—Copy !req
796. that's fucking it now.
You've pissed me off so fucking much,Copy !req
797. - let's have a fight.
- You wanna fight?Copy !req
798. Yeah, I'll fight you,
Thai boxing,Copy !req
799. in the boxing ring.
Fucking yeah. Tomorrow.Copy !req
800. Right. No shit.
I'll take you up on that.Copy !req
801. This might be the last time
we fucking shake hands.Copy !req
802. Don't take it to heart
if I knock you outCopy !req
803. and I won't take it to heart
if you knock me out,Copy !req
804. but I'm gonna come out
tomorrow night fucking swinging.Copy !req
805. You had better be, because I'll be
swinging like a fucking windmill.Copy !req
806. I am fucking starving.Copy !req
807. - I haven't eaten all fucking day.
- I'll eat anything.Copy !req
808. They put us—
Pancho and DaintonCopy !req
809. are sitting there,
champagne fucking dinner...Copy !req
810. - Champagne, Panch?
- It's like cracking open an egg.Copy !req
811. Crack on.Copy !req
812. This place is a fucking shithole.Copy !req
813. Take me
the fuck out of here!Copy !req
814. Phi Phi, fuck me,Copy !req
815. this place is
a fucking wankville!Copy !req
816. Here's to happy days...
in Phi Phi.Copy !req
817. - At least you shit—
- Ah! Look at that fucking spider!Copy !req
818. - Stay there, stay there, stay there!
- No no no no, don't! Don't!Copy !req
819. - Joycey: Stay there!
- There's a fucking—Copy !req
820. Uh, grilled lobster.Copy !req
821. Caught today, please.Copy !req
822. - Joycey: Oh my God.Copy !req
823. Can I have my food sprinkled
with the magic of Thailand, please?Copy !req
824. What's that,
chili sauce?Copy !req
825. Ah. Ah.
You fucking—Copy !req
826. Ah! Crap!Copy !req
827. - Bonjour, monsieur. Enjoy the view.
- Tres bien.Copy !req
828. - Spider.
- Ah!Copy !req
829. Where? Fuck off.Copy !req
830. Where the— hurry up, turn the light on!
Turn the light on!Copy !req
831. - Joycey: Fuck off!Copy !req
832. - Watch! Watch!
- Pritchard: Fucking what's that?Copy !req
833. Say it! Say it!Copy !req
834. Oi, fucking get your arse—
oi, Pritch, it's fight day.Copy !req
835. Come on, man.
You're the winner.Copy !req
836. - He just whacked his head on that.Copy !req
837. Shit. That's a good start
to a fucking training day.Copy !req
838. 497, 498,Copy !req
839. 499, 500!Copy !req
840. You're fucking dead,
Pritchard!Copy !req
841. Aww, look at
the little chicks.Copy !req
842. 10 more!
Come on!Copy !req
843. - Go on! Use him as a body bag!
- Ah!Copy !req
844. I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him.Copy !req
845. - Say "I'm a tiger."
- I'm knackered.Copy !req
846. This fucking fight
ain't gonna last two minutes.Copy !req
847. This is the deal. Pritchard versus
Dainton, battle of the dickheads.Copy !req
848. - Do you wanna see my killer moves?
- Joycey: Yeah.Copy !req
849. This time he's taken it
one step too far.Copy !req
850. Whoo! Whoo! Bam!Copy !req
851. I am going to fucking
unleash the beast.Copy !req
852. Might get my cock out.
He'll be like "Oh, what you doing?"Copy !req
853. - Boff.
- I'm not gonna fucking play with him.Copy !req
854. I'm not gonna
be nice to him.Copy !req
855. - Oh! Oh.Copy !req
856. It was a spider
or a rat.Copy !req
857. There's no kissing,
there's no huggingCopy !req
858. and there's no fucking
tickling tonight.Copy !req
859. Oh, tickle-tickle.Copy !req
860. The Finisher.Copy !req
861. Dainton's gonna
kick his ass!Copy !req
862. Ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
863. - Pritchard! Dainton!Copy !req
864. Go go go go go go...Copy !req
865. Fucking get over there!
One more!Copy !req
866. - Whoo!Copy !req
867. Yeah, man!Copy !req
868. That's so hard, man.
It's not as easy as it looks.Copy !req
869. I hit him with the first,
the first of the match.Copy !req
870. He went down.
I thought he weren't gonna get back up.Copy !req
871. But he ain't got the prize.Copy !req
872. He stayed down—
fucked, gone, game over.Copy !req
873. I'll regain my pride
through stupidity, I think.Copy !req
874. Well, Pritchard,
we're off to Japan next,Copy !req
875. a country that is
fucking driven by pride.Copy !req
876. Let's get fucking bollixed!Copy !req
877. Let's get
fucking bollixed!Copy !req
878. Huh! Tokyo.Copy !req
879. - You movie star!Copy !req
880. This challenge is called
the Spunky Dunky Challenge.Copy !req
881. We're all gonna go
to the toilets with a camera—Copy !req
882. just to make sure
that no one's cheating—Copy !req
883. and we're gonna spunk
in a dunky,Copy !req
884. and the one with
the least amount of spunk...Copy !req
885. has gotta wear
the spunky dunky.Copy !req
886. Fuck, here I am.
Made it to the toilet.Copy !req
887. Now I've gotta have
a fucking wank.Copy !req
888. I had a room
on my own last nightCopy !req
889. for the first time
in fucking three weeks,Copy !req
890. and l— and a fucking
powerful bidet jet that goes up my ass.Copy !req
891. I took full advantage of it
and I had five wanks.Copy !req
892. So I'm sure there's nothing even left.Copy !req
893. You ain't seeing
my fucking come-face either.Copy !req
894. Is he gonna come out
with a load in the condom?Copy !req
895. Is he gonna come out
with a poor show?Copy !req
896. If he comes out with a load—Copy !req
897. I don't wanna say this, but we're
gonna have to check the footage.Copy !req
898. How much you got?
- Any good?Copy !req
899. Oh, there's some romantic music
in there while he's doing it.Copy !req
900. Where's Dainton's glass?Copy !req
901. Which one's
Dainton's glass?Copy !req
902. Oh, this is wrong, man.
This is Dainton having a wank.Copy !req
903. - Why is he saying "Pritch" ?
- Shut up.Copy !req
904. Fuck! Can't even get
a fucking hard-on!Copy !req
905. Did you keep thinking
about us at any point?Copy !req
906. I thought about Dainton
quite a bit, yeah.Copy !req
907. Oh, that's less than me!Copy !req
908. Yes! I'm not getting it!Copy !req
909. There he is boys.Copy !req
910. Oh, fucking hell!Copy !req
911. Damn, how can he do that?Copy !req
912. The music was one of the big factors
in me having a hard time wanking.Copy !req
913. This music is
really putting me off.Copy !req
914. Panch has been
so long in the toilet with the cameraCopy !req
915. having a wank that Dan
has to go down with my camera.Copy !req
916. Gays take these
into bog toilets,Copy !req
917. right, so that when—Copy !req
918. when he meets
another cottager,Copy !req
919. he puts his feet into it
whilst the other one blows him off,Copy !req
920. so when the attendant
looks underCopy !req
921. he sees a bag
and one set of feet.Copy !req
922. Daint—
Daint taught me that.Copy !req
923. You've been dipping
your condom in there, haven't you?Copy !req
924. You dipped it
in there, didn't you?Copy !req
925. Because you knew
I'd go for that instead.Copy !req
926. Yeah, I have been.Copy !req
927. - Fucking twat!
- Don't —Copy !req
928. There she is.Copy !req
929. - Did you fucking do that?
- You should've drunk out of your glass.Copy !req
930. - Did you do that?
- I put some cum in there.Copy !req
931. Boys, that was
hard fucking work.Copy !req
932. - You're sweating!
- He's sweating!Copy !req
933. That was so fuck—
so much hard work.Copy !req
934. Panch, if I was you,
I'd drink out of that,Copy !req
935. because he put
a fucking jimmy in my pint.Copy !req
936. That was— that was a proper
under-pressure wank.Copy !req
937. Look.Copy !req
938. - Well, you drink out of that then.
- Pour some in there.Copy !req
939. L— I've just
fucking drunk two pints.Copy !req
940. I don't trust
any fucker on this team.Copy !req
941. I ain't drinking
out of it.Copy !req
942. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Jesus Christ.Copy !req
943. - Yeah, it's your cock, it don't matter.
- No, l—Copy !req
944. It ain't my fucking cock.
Just fucking drink it.Copy !req
945. I've fucked
with people's glasses.Copy !req
946. We've just had this argument.
There's fuck all wrong with it.Copy !req
947. You've tampered
with that.Copy !req
948. I haven't tampered with it.Copy !req
949. I'm just good
at fucking pulling my plonker.Copy !req
950. That's a fucking
endurance test.Copy !req
951. How fucking hard is that?Copy !req
952. We've all been to the toilet,
we've done the fucking deed.Copy !req
953. As embarrassing as it was,
it's fucking crunch time.Copy !req
954. Two, one.Copy !req
955. - Joycey!
- Yeah!Copy !req
956. Oh, yes!Copy !req
957. - It's going all in his hair.Copy !req
958. Oh, that looks good.Copy !req
959. That's it, slow. Slower.Copy !req
960. Blow it up!
Blow it up!Copy !req
961. Blow it up,
Dan, blow it up.Copy !req
962. - Blow it till it pops!Copy !req
963. I may be the winner,
but I'm the—Copy !req
964. I'm the loser,
aren't I?Copy !req
965. We're in Japan.Copy !req
966. We're about to meet
the Tokyo Shock Boys.Copy !req
967. Their stunts
and our stunts.Copy !req
968. - Welcome to Japan.
- Bummer, man.Copy !req
969. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
970. We're in Japan,
it's your country.Copy !req
971. Let's fucking see how
the Tokyo Shock Boys rock.Copy !req
972. Okay, okay.Copy !req
973. Here we go.Copy !req
974. - This is beer.
- Okay.Copy !req
975. Come on, come on,
come on. Okay.Copy !req
976. Oh my God!
How the fuck do you do that!Copy !req
977. Cheers.Copy !req
978. Cigarette.Copy !req
979. Well, I honestly haven't a fucking clue
what he's doing this time.Copy !req
980. Fucking hell!
Fucking hell!Copy !req
981. I can give you...
good thing.Copy !req
982. Oh, it better not
be your cock.Copy !req
983. Next, you!Copy !req
984. It's time to shock
the Shock Boys!Copy !req
985. We've invented a new game.
This is called "Bum Drum."Copy !req
986. - New game.
- Yeah, what we do is he sticksCopy !req
987. one up his bum, I stick one
up mine and we drum sticks,Copy !req
988. and the first one
to fall out gets a Dirty Sanchez.Copy !req
989. Every man knows—
on a blind date,Copy !req
990. you always use
the best lube there is— a bit of spit.Copy !req
991. Go!Copy !req
992. It's a good fight!Copy !req
993. Shit!Copy !req
994. It's all right.
It's not that bad.Copy !req
995. Don't know what
you're whingeing about.Copy !req
996. Stop!Copy !req
997. Smell bad!Copy !req
998. The Japanese like their tea,
so I'm gonna brew them some up.Copy !req
999. - Give it a swing now.
- Swing it.Copy !req
1000. I think
the kettle's boiled!Copy !req
1001. Daint! Dainton!Copy !req
1002. Dainton!
Fuck off, Dainton!Copy !req
1003. Right, now they're in
for a finale.Copy !req
1004. This stuff is
about to go down the pan.Copy !req
1005. Let the beer enema begin!Copy !req
1006. - Right, you ready?
- Ready.Copy !req
1007. Stop it! No more!
Don't do it.Copy !req
1008. - Stop it!
- Go on, Dan.Copy !req
1009. Right, boys.Copy !req
1010. Have you got
any more squirt in there?Copy !req
1011. No no no no! Ah!Copy !req
1012. You must come back
to Britain with usCopy !req
1013. and we'll do a show together
and party together.Copy !req
1014. No way!Copy !req
1015. Ta-ta, Daint.Copy !req
1016. - These Japanese wrestlers—
- They're hard as fuck.Copy !req
1017. - We're gonna take them out?
- What do Japanese wrestlers do?Copy !req
1018. Extreme
Japanese wrestlers.Copy !req
1019. Fight with glass
and barbed wire.Copy !req
1020. I know there's
one stunt they doCopy !req
1021. where they shove glass
into their fucking forehead like that.Copy !req
1022. No! No!Copy !req
1023. And I can tell you
which ones have had it done.Copy !req
1024. He's had it done,
he's had it doneCopy !req
1025. - and he's had it done.
- We're out here laughing—Copy !req
1026. like laughing and shit—
and when we walk through the door,Copy !req
1027. they're gonna be
in there just going...Copy !req
1028. He looks quite mild, that one.
He looks fucking harmless.Copy !req
1029. Check out
Mens there, though.Copy !req
1030. That's pain and pleasure.
That's his jizz face.Copy !req
1031. I was smiling like that last night
when I sat on the toiletCopy !req
1032. with this hot jet
of water spraying my cornhole.Copy !req
1033. Panch, I think
you're the closest oneCopy !req
1034. resembling one
of those wrestlers.Copy !req
1035. - I think they're gonna—
- I probably look like numerous onesCopy !req
1036. seeing as I look like fucking everyone
under the sun anyway.Copy !req
1037. You've looked like—
you've looked like—Copy !req
1038. you've looked like
the Incredible Hulk,Copy !req
1039. you've looked like
fucking Gorbachev...Copy !req
1040. "I want the U.S.S.R.
To continue the way it is."Copy !req
1041. and now you look
like every one of these on there.Copy !req
1042. All the baldies.Copy !req
1043. - Fucking Jesus Christ!
- That's fucking barbed wire.Copy !req
1044. - Hello.
- Oh my God.Copy !req
1045. I think we've got into
a bit of shit here, boys.Copy !req
1046. We've got our own costumes,
our own little funny costumes.Copy !req
1047. Yeah, we have.Copy !req
1048. Put our—
put our outfits on.Copy !req
1049. Watch it,
I'll knock you out, mate!Copy !req
1050. I got my—
I got my own—Copy !req
1051. whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
1052. Don't push—
don't push me in!Copy !req
1053. We was laughing earlier.Copy !req
1054. That's definitely
a nervous grin now.Copy !req
1055. He's pointing at me.Copy !req
1056. Ah! Ah!Copy !req
1057. Fucking hell!Copy !req
1058. Whoa whoa whoa!Copy !req
1059. Right, your fucking turn!Copy !req
1060. No no no.
No more.Copy !req
1061. - Oh! Look at that!
- That kick in the back is fucked.Copy !req
1062. Go on!
Get off me!Copy !req
1063. - Hey, you.
- Get in, get in, get in.Copy !req
1064. Oh, he's fucked.Copy !req
1065. He's pinned his dick!Copy !req
1066. - That looked fucking savage, that.
- Oh, it was horrible, man.Copy !req
1067. And they played
with your cock and all.Copy !req
1068. - They stretched it a bit, though.
- I know. I know.Copy !req
1069. There was
no thrill in that.Copy !req
1070. - Look at his tail.
- It's all in the tail, isn't it?Copy !req
1071. - Pigsy!
- Pigsy! Me monkey!Copy !req
1072. Look at them all!
Look at them all!Copy !req
1073. Right, let's go
get drunk, boys!Copy !req
1074. What are we doing inviting these boys
out on the piss with us in Japan?Copy !req
1075. - I don't know. Let's go.
- We're professional drinkers, though.Copy !req
1076. - Yeah.
- Time for some saki.Copy !req
1077. - Saki!
- Ah!Copy !req
1078. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
1079. The Japanese extreme wrestlers
have stripped us of our pride...Copy !req
1080. so we're gonna play
a good old, er—Copy !req
1081. a game that
we do back in Wales...Copy !req
1082. and we're gonna
flip the box.Copy !req
1083. Whichever end this lands on...
equals a forfeit.Copy !req
1084. - Good man.
- I reckon he's gonna get green.Copy !req
1085. - Ooh.Copy !req
1086. He's just picked the mallet
with the pins on it,Copy !req
1087. and he's chosen
to go for the shoulder.Copy !req
1088. And to tell you the truth,
I don't wanna fucking hit him,Copy !req
1089. because he's
bigger than me.Copy !req
1090. - Check out— check out the scars.
- And look at the scars.Copy !req
1091. Check out the scars
on this guy.Copy !req
1092. We thought we had
a lot of fucking scars.Copy !req
1093. And do you think
that's gonna do fuck all to him?Copy !req
1094. Three, two—
oh, I don't wanna do it!Copy !req
1095. - Come on.
- That hurt my pride.Copy !req
1096. - You want more?
- I don't — I don't like.Copy !req
1097. Eeny meeny miney moe...Copy !req
1098. Please have the nasty one.Copy !req
1099. It's only the fucking staple
to the tongue, isn't it?Copy !req
1100. Stay stay, Pancho.
Stay stay.Copy !req
1101. It's in!Copy !req
1102. This is
my first time in Japan.Copy !req
1103. I don't even
like mustard,Copy !req
1104. so let's taste wasabi.Copy !req
1105. Because if
I don't like thisCopy !req
1106. and this is going
up Pritchard's nose, God forbid.Copy !req
1107. Let's have a taste.Copy !req
1108. Ooh, that's a selfish line.Copy !req
1109. I'm Welsh, Daniel,
I don't fuck around.Copy !req
1110. Oh Jesus.Copy !req
1111. Not only is it just wasabi,
it's mixed with saki.Copy !req
1112. Three, two, one,
in "Sanchez" style, goodbye!Copy !req
1113. Wasabi, wasabi, wasabi...Copy !req
1114. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.Copy !req
1115. Found it, boyo.Copy !req
1116. It's the one with the fucking ring
round it and the blade.Copy !req
1117. How you feeling?Copy !req
1118. The best way to—
to slice one's finger off—Copy !req
1119. one, two, three,
four, five.Copy !req
1120. Fucking hell, Panch!Copy !req
1121. Just like
the Yakuza do, baby!Copy !req
1122. Put that fucking hand
down now.Copy !req
1123. We're here.
Are you ready?Copy !req
1124. I'm fucking shitting myself.Copy !req
1125. Panch, how many fucking drinks
have you had tonight?Copy !req
1126. Look, I'll even do the piss test.Copy !req
1127. I'm gonna fucking get my pride back
by chopping my finger off.Copy !req
1128. Pritch, you're not gonna chop it off,
though— Pancho is.Copy !req
1129. - Pancho ain't fucking doing it.
- He fucking is.Copy !req
1130. - Fuck off, he's a fucking pisshead.
- Pritch, Pritch.Copy !req
1131. Whoa whoa whoa whoa!Copy !req
1132. - Whoa whoa!
- Felt like Dogtanian for a minute.Copy !req
1133. This is the tip of his finger, and this
is how far in we wanna go.Copy !req
1134. Right, here we go.Copy !req
1135. Pancho set the gauntlet.Copy !req
1136. Daint, he can't even fucking shoot
a gun fucking straight.Copy !req
1137. - I'll put my finger there, Jim.
- And I'm gonna go...Copy !req
1138. - Oh!
- If I manage to haveCopy !req
1139. my finger chopped off
by Pancho...Copy !req
1140. you have to stand in the middle
of a Japanese street singing karaokeCopy !req
1141. - with a song of my choice.
- Well, that's a deal, Pritch.Copy !req
1142. You're too pissed,
you're too fucking clumsy.Copy !req
1143. - You ain't fucking doing my finger.
- I'm fine.Copy !req
1144. - Look, Panch, you're not doing it.
- Joycey: How you gonna do it?Copy !req
1145. I chose myself
the cigar cutter.Copy !req
1146. - That's a very classy way of doing it.
- I'm a posh man, Daniel.Copy !req
1147. Well, to tell you the truth,Copy !req
1148. I'm fucking...
shitting myself.Copy !req
1149. - Panch.
- I don't even wanna look.Copy !req
1150. I didn't want to be affiliated
with this anyway.Copy !req
1151. - Well, he's bats. Use your reason.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1152. Are you sure, Pritch,
are you sure?Copy !req
1153. - Time to moan.
- Definite?Copy !req
1154. - I can't even look.
- Right. Are you ready?Copy !req
1155. - Go.
- Three, two, one.Copy !req
1156. Fuck a duck!
Motherfucker!Copy !req
1157. - Fucking hell, man.
- Yeah, it's fucking right off, boys.Copy !req
1158. Boys, I've fucking
regained my pride!Copy !req
1159. - Gaylord.
- Look at his cock!Copy !req
1160. Boys, I can see
the fucking bone.Copy !req
1161. - I can see the fucking bone.
- Fuck off!Copy !req
1162. - Fuck off!
- Oh, fuck. Fuck a duck!Copy !req
1163. Yeah, motherfucker!
I've regained my pride!Copy !req
1164. Who's fucking
pussy boy now?Copy !req
1165. I may have lost the fight,
but I've regained my pride.Copy !req
1166. - Look, it's still in the end there!
- Oh, fucking hell.Copy !req
1167. - Math, can I eat it?
- No no, don't fuck around!Copy !req
1168. - Eat it. Eat it.
- Can I eat it?Copy !req
1169. - No, don't fucking eat it!
- I wanted to—Copy !req
1170. No, you can't
fucking eat it!Copy !req
1171. - Eat it.
- No!Copy !req
1172. - Eat it!
- No, don't, don't!Copy !req
1173. Dan, don't fucking eat it!Copy !req
1174. - Go on, Dan!
- Don't eat it!Copy !req
1175. It tastes
fucking weird, man!Copy !req
1176. - Oh, you spat it out!
- Yeah, I couldn't do it, man.Copy !req
1177. It's all fleshy!Copy !req
1178. That's right, I'm pink.Copy !req
1179. And pink might mean pussy.Copy !req
1180. But this pink guy is
now a fucking superhero.Copy !req
1181. And this superhero is
called Pinky Dinky Dainty,Copy !req
1182. and he's gonna
fuck Pritchard's world.Copy !req
1183. Bring on Mexico, Pritch.Copy !req
1184. Today is the day
where we meet Myke Hawke.Copy !req
1185. He's gonna take us
into the desert,Copy !req
1186. and we're gonna spend two days
in this fucking soaring heat...Copy !req
1187. er, just living off the desert,
basically. And Myke Hawke...Copy !req
1188. is gonna teach us
how to fucking do it.Copy !req
1189. Like a bike.
Kick him, kick him over like a bike.Copy !req
1190. You don't kick
a bike over like that!Copy !req
1191. Where's the fucking Hawke?Copy !req
1192. - No, don't do that, man.
- Leave it there.Copy !req
1193. It's cursed.Copy !req
1194. It's like
you don't fucking goCopy !req
1195. and fuck with
Tutankhamen's tomb, do you?Copy !req
1196. Well, you just fisted
a fucking dead cow.Copy !req
1197. I'm fisting a cow!Copy !req
1198. Oh, that's a bit of love.Copy !req
1199. Oh my God.
What the fuck is that?Copy !req
1200. - Who the fuck is this?
- Is this Myke Hawke?Copy !req
1201. - All right, Myke?
- You miserable,Copy !req
1202. gluttonous... maggots.Copy !req
1203. You've been
feeding your faces...Copy !req
1204. You've been stuffing chow
down your pieholes...Copy !req
1205. throwing booze
down your throat.Copy !req
1206. And now you're gonna pay
for your sins.Copy !req
1207. - Oh, fuck.
- For your gluttony...Copy !req
1208. this is the reckoning.Copy !req
1209. And we're getting ready to get
downright primitive on your ass.Copy !req
1210. My name is Hawke...Copy !req
1211. and we're getting ready to have
what I call a come-to-Jesus party.Copy !req
1212. Look at that
fucking cock!Copy !req
1213. - What is that?
- You've got a big wart on yours.Copy !req
1214. - Daint.
- It's a dick, what do you think it is?Copy !req
1215. - You've been getting a bit of wind?
- No, there's no wind.Copy !req
1216. - That's how my dick is.
- That's a semi.Copy !req
1217. So, Hawke,
are you scared of anything?Copy !req
1218. To be quite honest— no.Copy !req
1219. I mean, the way
I look at it is...Copy !req
1220. everything that's alive can be killed.
And I'm pretty mean.Copy !req
1221. - Pritchard: Ever done dry bumming?
- Hawke: Dry bumming?Copy !req
1222. Okay, gents, now it's time
to do a little bit of hunting.Copy !req
1223. Okay, got a couple
of techniques for you.Copy !req
1224. One is a bola.Copy !req
1225. - Are you familiar with that?
- No.Copy !req
1226. - My jones!
- Good old-fashioned slingshot.Copy !req
1227. Ready?Copy !req
1228. Now, the whole thing about
these little critters—Copy !req
1229. - they die easy.
- Hands out of the way!Copy !req
1230. Daint,
you're pulling back.Copy !req
1231. Bollocks!
You fucking try it!Copy !req
1232. So once you whack him,
go up there and stomp on his headCopy !req
1233. or club his head or something
to make sure you finish him off.Copy !req
1234. And then you gotta practice
a little bit with itCopy !req
1235. - so you get your aim down.
- Fat ass, are you ready?Copy !req
1236. - No, but carry on.
- That hit his plums!Copy !req
1237. That hit
his fucking plums!Copy !req
1238. You've smacked the plate
in my arm where my arm is broke.Copy !req
1239. How I fucking missed that ass,
I don't fucking know.Copy !req
1240. Lesson one:Copy !req
1241. Don't play with these.Copy !req
1242. All right, ladies—
it's that time.Copy !req
1243. That's a snake,
isn't it?Copy !req
1244. Hold out your hand
and receive your chow.Copy !req
1245. - Joycey: Oh, no!
- Dainton: Holy shit!Copy !req
1246. That's it.
You've got it.Copy !req
1247. I don't want it
going up my top.Copy !req
1248. Oh, man, I don't know
if I can do this.Copy !req
1249. - Just poke it—Copy !req
1250. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1251. He stung you?Copy !req
1252. - Oh, you can't do that!
- Hawke: There you go.Copy !req
1253. - Now cook it.
- Oh, you can't do it.Copy !req
1254. - Hawke: Cook it.
- I just have.Copy !req
1255. How the fuck
did Panch just do that, man?Copy !req
1256. - Fuck! Fucking hell!
- It's still alive.Copy !req
1257. - Oh, I'm starving.
- Put him back on the normal floor.Copy !req
1258. Oh my fucking God,
he's eating the fucking sting!Copy !req
1259. - Not much flavor to him...
- There you go.Copy !req
1260. - Just like that.
- ... but it's food,Copy !req
1261. and my stomach
is fucking loving it.Copy !req
1262. I can't believe
you fucking did that.Copy !req
1263. - I'm not doing that.
- I know what's coming to me,Copy !req
1264. - I think.
- You can't eat spiders though.Copy !req
1265. - Fuck.
- Oh my God! No no no!Copy !req
1266. Fucking no!
I'll fucking starve.Copy !req
1267. This is looking one
in the face—Copy !req
1268. that you're afraid of—
stabbing that fucker...Copy !req
1269. It will bite me.Copy !req
1270. and eating it.
No, he won't.Copy !req
1271. That's a big, bad,
furry bastard right there.Copy !req
1272. Whack him.Copy !req
1273. Get your knife ready.
Get your knife ready.Copy !req
1274. Oh! Daint!
Don't fuck around now!Copy !req
1275. I've got a fucking knife
in my hand!Copy !req
1276. I could easily
stab you and cook you!Copy !req
1277. Actually, that's —
I fucking almost span out.Copy !req
1278. - There it is.
- Fucking hell!Copy !req
1279. Put it on the fire.
Straight on the fire.Copy !req
1280. He's gonna cry.
He's gonna cry.Copy !req
1281. - He's in tears.
- What's the matter, Math?Copy !req
1282. - Joycey: What's the matter?
- Dainton: Oh, that's fucking wrong.Copy !req
1283. Just rip off a limb,
stuff it down your throat.Copy !req
1284. - There you go, you've done it.
- You're in, you're in.Copy !req
1285. - Chew chew chew.
- Oh, crikey.Copy !req
1286. - Way to lead.
- Cheers, Hawke, you fucking cunt.Copy !req
1287. I know you boys are hungry,
I know you've worked hard...Copy !req
1288. and I promised you
some Kentucky Fried Chicken.Copy !req
1289. So, I am from Kentucky...Copy !req
1290. this is a chicken
and you're gonna fry it.Copy !req
1291. Boys, I'm not doing this
for the fun of it.Copy !req
1292. - Well then, let's get on with it.
- Pritch.Copy !req
1293. - Most humane way, please. I'm starving.
- Dan?Copy !req
1294. - Yeah, no, I'm —
- He's watching.Copy !req
1295. If you're ready to do it
your way, that's cool.Copy !req
1296. - Dan, do you wanna do it?
- I wanna go for the machete.Copy !req
1297. That's the only way
I wanna do it,Copy !req
1298. because I don't like
touching fucking birds.Copy !req
1299. We've gotta fucking eat
something, boys.Copy !req
1300. We have to eat something.
He's gotta—Copy !req
1301. - Which way do you want me to kill him?
- Would you do the boot?Copy !req
1302. I'm not— I'm not—
I'm not doing it.Copy !req
1303. - I'm not even eating it.
- You're not eating it?Copy !req
1304. If I can't kill it,
I'm not eating it. No way.Copy !req
1305. - Just pray for him,Copy !req
1306. send him to a happy place.Copy !req
1307. I think the only fact I couldn't eat itCopy !req
1308. is because
it's more domesticated.Copy !req
1309. It actually looks like
it's got feelings and stuff.Copy !req
1310. You look at a fucking
tarantula and a scorpion...Copy !req
1311. to me, they haven't
got feelings.Copy !req
1312. They're just this thing
that walks along the floorCopy !req
1313. and just looks horrible and ugly.Copy !req
1314. But a chicken looks nice—
it's feathery,Copy !req
1315. looks like it's got
a bit of personality.Copy !req
1316. - It's, you know—
- Dainton: Pritch, what do you want—Copy !req
1317. - leg or breast?
- Breast.Copy !req
1318. He's actually quite nice.Copy !req
1319. - Dainton: What's his name?
- Derek.Copy !req
1320. - Derek?
- Derek. Derek the chicken.Copy !req
1321. What we have here
is a very simple...Copy !req
1322. case of mind over matter.Copy !req
1323. I don't mind
and they don't matter.Copy !req
1324. - But seriously,Copy !req
1325. once they've walked
across the fire...Copy !req
1326. then they've paid their penance
for their sin of gluttonyCopy !req
1327. and they'll be free to relax
and enjoy themselvesCopy !req
1328. until go on their way
to their next mission.Copy !req
1329. Yes!Copy !req
1330. Ah! Eeh. Ooh.Copy !req
1331. - Whew.
- Joycey: How is it?Copy !req
1332. - Whoo!Copy !req
1333. - That is some mean shit!Copy !req
1334. - Pritchard: Ready, boys?
- Pancho: Come on, Pritch.Copy !req
1335. Three, two, one.Copy !req
1336. Let's do it.Copy !req
1337. Hawke, have you enjoyed the time
you've spent with us?Copy !req
1338. - It's been better than masturbation.Copy !req
1339. - Oh, what?
- Oh, this is so fucking gay!Copy !req
1340. Are we ready
to leave the desert?Copy !req
1341. Almost.Copy !req
1342. You have
one more thing to do.Copy !req
1343. Oh, fuck off.Copy !req
1344. You've got one minuteCopy !req
1345. to crack all
the Myke Hawke jokes...Copy !req
1346. that you can.Copy !req
1347. I'm holding the head
of Myke Hawke.Copy !req
1348. That's enough.Copy !req
1349. Thank you very much.Copy !req
1350. Gentlemen, you've paid
your full penanceCopy !req
1351. for your sin
of gluttony...Copy !req
1352. and you are nowCopy !req
1353. - free to leave the desert.Copy !req
1354. Party time, boys!Copy !req
1355. Right, simple. Dead easy.Copy !req
1356. Stuff as much of this
in your mouth as you can.Copy !req
1357. The person that takes the least amount
of money in their mouthCopy !req
1358. has gotta make a simple
phone call to their mom.Copy !req
1359. Yeah, but there's
a distinct disadvantage here.Copy !req
1360. I haven't played up
on the small-man thing.Copy !req
1361. You know, I've done fucking
all the stunts so far.Copy !req
1362. But look at my gob.Copy !req
1363. That's how far
I can open it.Copy !req
1364. The dentist has even told me
I've got a problem.Copy !req
1365. Go.Copy !req
1366. Oh God, he's being sick!
30 seconds, Panch.Copy !req
1367. 25 seconds, Pritch.Copy !req
1368. Oh, that's semi-cheating that is.Copy !req
1369. It'll make you heave.Copy !req
1370. Fucking what?Copy !req
1371. Well that's fucking—
that's fucking unfair.Copy !req
1372. Who had the least amount
of money in their mouth?Copy !req
1373. - It's a fix, Daint.
- It's always a fix.Copy !req
1374. Well, you said
get your money in your mouth.Copy !req
1375. Everyone has
just gone like that.Copy !req
1376. No, because there was no rules,
just "put the money in your mouth."Copy !req
1377. Well make it
more clear next time.Copy !req
1378. Well, it's too late now,
you've lost.Copy !req
1379. Did you or did you
not say that the winnersCopy !req
1380. get to write
the loser's script?Copy !req
1381. - Yeah, I did, yeah.
- Dainton: Exactly. What are we doing?Copy !req
1382. We're writing
the loser's script.Copy !req
1383. Oh, no!Copy !req
1384. Joycey, don't be
too fucking sick, for fuck's sake.Copy !req
1385. Right.Copy !req
1386. Hiya, Mom.Copy !req
1387. How you doing?Copy !req
1388. Yeah, not bad. Just in
the Dominican Republic.Copy !req
1389. "Mom, from the moment
I was bornCopy !req
1390. I have been thinking
of returningCopy !req
1391. to that special
heavenly place,Copy !req
1392. those lips parting
across my faceCopy !req
1393. as you pushed me out...Copy !req
1394. of your heavenly
love hole.Copy !req
1395. I want— I want
to return where I belong.Copy !req
1396. I want to put my lipsCopy !req
1397. around your soft delicious
nipples once again."Copy !req
1398. - "The thoughts I haveCopy !req
1399. for you are uncontrollable.Copy !req
1400. L— I want—
I want—Copy !req
1401. I want
to dry bum you."Copy !req
1402. - Pritchard!
- Sorry I offended you.Copy !req
1403. Right, speak to you later.Copy !req
1404. - Ta-ta. Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta, love.Copy !req
1405. Wankers!Copy !req
1406. Let me tell you about the angry pirate.Copy !req
1407. Bird is giving you a blow-job,
she is, see. Enjoying it down there.Copy !req
1408. You're about to reach
the point of climax, about to cum,Copy !req
1409. so you pull your cock out of her mouth
and spunk in her eye.Copy !req
1410. And then she's
all sore in her eye.Copy !req
1411. You kick the little bird
in the shin, she hobbles aroundCopy !req
1412. - like an angry pirate.Copy !req
1413. Ladies and gentlemen,
we're gonna giveCopy !req
1414. the angry pirate a go.
We're gonna go with some rum.Copy !req
1415. Three, two, one.Copy !req
1416. Ar! Ar! Ar!
Fucking hell!Copy !req
1417. What the fuck is that?
Fucking acid!Copy !req
1418. Three, two, one.Copy !req
1419. Open your eye, open your eye!
Open your eye!Copy !req
1420. Open your eye! Open it!Copy !req
1421. - Shin! Shin!Copy !req
1422. Open up.
Open up.Copy !req
1423. - Oh my God, it's —
- You're not angry enough.Copy !req
1424. - You're not angry enough.
- Arr!Copy !req
1425. Pancho, last night
when you were asleep in the car,Copy !req
1426. we nicked your money
and spent it in a casino!Copy !req
1427. Right, over there
is a vehicle.Copy !req
1428. Who's inside it?
Well, someone is missing.Copy !req
1429. Is that a— is that
a bifta in your hand?Copy !req
1430. Get the fuck off.Copy !req
1431. I thought there's no way
I'd lost that money!Copy !req
1432. - It was in my shirt, wasn't it?
- We lost it!Copy !req
1433. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
1434. I've just found his money,
and I'm one greedy bastard.Copy !req
1435. I'm gonna spend it in a casino.
Ta-ta, Panch.Copy !req
1436. Right, Captain Panch.Copy !req
1437. Do you wanna win
that money back that we tookCopy !req
1438. - and stole from you our greedy selves?
- Fucking right, bud.Copy !req
1439. Pirates of Pain-zance,
let the pain begin!Copy !req
1440. - Go on, Panch, get that money.
- Go on, go on.Copy !req
1441. It's one of them, isn't it?Copy !req
1442. It's the anticipation.Copy !req
1443. I don't know if I can
go through with it.Copy !req
1444. Here we go.Copy !req
1445. Fucking stop it!Copy !req
1446. That got you going.Copy !req
1447. But he didn't take the money!Copy !req
1448. - He didn't get the money!
- It's impossible. Fuck off!Copy !req
1449. - That's mine!
- Your turn, Daint. What you having?Copy !req
1450. I've got a wicked plan up
my sleeve for you, Daint.Copy !req
1451. We get loads of money—
basically, on the bottomCopy !req
1452. there's gonna be
loads of pins— drawing pins—Copy !req
1453. and we're gonna put
the money on top of it.Copy !req
1454. You've gotta
put your hand on it,Copy !req
1455. and we're gonna smash
your hand down,Copy !req
1456. and you've gotta get
your money that way.Copy !req
1457. What— what about forehead?
Do it on the forehead again?Copy !req
1458. - Forehead?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1459. - Fuck right off!
- Three, two, one.Copy !req
1460. Fucking hell!Copy !req
1461. Oh my God,
look at that!Copy !req
1462. That's fucking graphic!Copy !req
1463. - Get a photo of that, man.
- Oh, Daint.Copy !req
1464. Fucking hell,
it's pulling out...Copy !req
1465. I'm willing to gamble
1,000 of this backCopy !req
1466. for you to take
a gob in the mouth.Copy !req
1467. - Oh, Daint.
- A gob in the mouth?Copy !req
1468. - No, it's fucking rank.
- Dainton: Come on.Copy !req
1469. - What do you mean?
- Spit in his mouth. He don't like spit.Copy !req
1470. He's got a phobia of spit.
Would you rather get run over by a carCopy !req
1471. - or someone spit in your mouth?
- Run over by a car.Copy !req
1472. Right, ready?Copy !req
1473. All in his mouth!Copy !req
1474. - He looks so green!Copy !req
1475. - Man overboard!
- Quick, set the sails. Let's fuck off!Copy !req
1476. We're backstage in, er,Copy !req
1477. The Voodoo Lounge
in the Dominican RepublicCopy !req
1478. about to do a pain auction.
Pain equals money.Copy !req
1479. What do we like? Money.
What does it equal? Greed.Copy !req
1480. Are you guys readyCopy !req
1481. - for some fun tonight?Copy !req
1482. Come on!Copy !req
1483. Okay, we've got
lot number one.Copy !req
1484. This is
the fishing rod ear.Copy !req
1485. Stick it in there!Copy !req
1486. So do we have anyone who wants
to pay some money for that?Copy !req
1487. - I have a lady there.Copy !req
1488. Lady with the big tits.
Whoa, sold for 150.Copy !req
1489. - Go! Come on!Copy !req
1490. Come on, pull it!Copy !req
1491. Pull!Copy !req
1492. Who wants to start the bid off?Copy !req
1493. 100 to see Panch get smashed
on the head with some pots.Copy !req
1494. Can we have 60? 80!Copy !req
1495. Shoeshine boy, 90!Copy !req
1496. Five, four, three,Copy !req
1497. two, one. Go!Copy !req
1498. That sex pest over there,
number five. Yes, 50.Copy !req
1499. Dainton, voodoo therapy,
stick it in there!Copy !req
1500. Whoa!Copy !req
1501. For 30. Can I see
that 30? Yes.Copy !req
1502. Five, four, three,Copy !req
1503. two, one!Copy !req
1504. - He's in fucking agony.
- It fucking kills!Copy !req
1505. Get it out!
It's fucking killing, you prick!Copy !req
1506. Ah! Ah!
No no no!Copy !req
1507. Stop it!
Fuck the cameras!Copy !req
1508. Get it fucking out.Copy !req
1509. Pancho, Pancho, Pancho, Pancho.Copy !req
1510. Closed.
Sold for 150.Copy !req
1511. Let's get fucking bollixed!Copy !req
1512. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1513. you've been watching
"Dirty Sanchez - Live" !Copy !req
1514. Make some noise!Copy !req
1515. The Devil:
Boys, boys, boys...Copy !req
1516. that was really
some performance out there.Copy !req
1517. Tattooed penises,
dismemberment,Copy !req
1518. cannibalism—Copy !req
1519. you boys
really blaze a trail.Copy !req
1520. Do you have anything
to say for yourselves?Copy !req
1521. I have got
something to admit.Copy !req
1522. Pancho hasn't got
any eyebrows left.Copy !req
1523. No, that ain't — fuck.Copy !req
1524. - Better fucking not be.
- Gone.Copy !req
1525. Guys, knock
the fuck out now.Copy !req
1526. No, it is, isn't it?Copy !req
1527. I need a fucking wash.Copy !req
1528. Fuck it!Copy !req
1529. He obviously doesn't
want his life back.Copy !req
1530. I'm fucking serious, man.
That's fucking it.Copy !req
1531. Get that fucking thing
out of my face!Copy !req
1532. I'm fucking telling you—
fuck off!Copy !req
1533. - No no no no.
- Right!Copy !req
1534. The makeup people,
well, we told them,Copy !req
1535. "Tell Pancho his eyebrows
need sorting out."Copy !req
1536. And we put lmmac
on his eyebrows,Copy !req
1537. so his eyebrows
are falling out.Copy !req
1538. Right, gone.Copy !req
1539. You're fucking
happy now, are you?Copy !req
1540. He's probably got
all those wigs,Copy !req
1541. and he's trying to superglue
some eyebrows back on.Copy !req
1542. I'm likely to go and fucking
stab someone now.Copy !req
1543. Look at it.
I'm fucking telling you.Copy !req
1544. No, don't do that.Copy !req
1545. Fucking always
at my fucking expense, right?Copy !req
1546. Oh, fuck,
we've pushed it this time.Copy !req
1547. What did he say all the way
through the movie?Copy !req
1548. "Do not fuck with my eyebrows!"Copy !req
1549. Panch, stick around.Copy !req
1550. Get the fuck away
from me.Copy !req
1551. Go on, Panch!Copy !req
1552. Here comes the trouble.Copy !req
1553. Hello.Copy !req
1554. "I love Dainton" ? No!Copy !req
1555. No. No way.
Is that real?Copy !req
1556. Yeah. I went through
absolute agony.Copy !req
1557. I'm not sitting
on that ever again.Copy !req
1558. Oh, Lis, I haven't had sex
for four weeks.Copy !req
1559. Never again.
No way. I don't care.Copy !req
1560. I'm not putting Dainton
in my mouth. No way.Copy !req
1561. Come on, fucking get
out the way!Copy !req
1562. Look at that bubble!
Look at that snot bubble!Copy !req
1563. Am I green
in the face?Copy !req
1564. - I am?Copy !req
1565. I've brought you
to this spaCopy !req
1566. for the ultimate
sports massage.Copy !req
1567. Well, it better
be proper special,Copy !req
1568. because I've got these
absolutely poxy pants.Copy !req
1569. Rock and roll!Copy !req
1570. Yes. He's done it!Copy !req
1571. Fuck me, man!Copy !req
1572. It's the only way
to warm up.Copy !req
1573. Guess— guess what
that little bad boy is.Copy !req
1574. That— that's —
that's frozen shit.Copy !req
1575. Oh, hello. A little penguin,
little frozen penguin.Copy !req
1576. It still stinks!
I didn't think it would smell.Copy !req
1577. Get off,
get off, get off!Copy !req
1578. That's Joycey's frozen—Copy !req
1579. oh, it's on my lens. Oh!Copy !req
1580. There's dots and there's
a lump of poop.Copy !req
1581. Pritch, you know
that tattoo on your leg?Copy !req
1582. "Sleep when you're dead"
in Russian, guys. Whoo!Copy !req
1583. - Daint, fuck off!
- It doesn't even say—Copy !req
1584. it doesn't even say
"Sleep when you're dead."Copy !req
1585. - What does it say now?
- "I love Johnny Knoxville."Copy !req