1. Fucking hell.Copy !req
2. Well, you know,
this is Area 52.Copy !req
3. We are filming
the "Sanchez" movie.Copy !req
4. So I got this idea, right,
where we proper up the ante.Copy !req
5. What we got to do is bollock
right down this field,Copy !req
6. we got a massive
football pitch...Copy !req
7. and just smash the car
straight for the caravan.Copy !req
8. But if you get
in the corner—Copy !req
9. If you laid down,
you'd be all right.Copy !req
10. No, 'cause you're
the shortest, right?Copy !req
11. - Oh yeah, great.
- No no no!Copy !req
12. What if it just goes "plop,"
and mows me over?Copy !req
13. - Trust us.
- It's not going to mow you over.Copy !req
14. - God.
- We've worked it out.Copy !req
15. We've got a tape measure
and everything.Copy !req
16. Short man, short life.
Fucking bye!Copy !req
17. Go on, Daint,
fuck him up!Copy !req
18. I'm tellin' you—
no, it's not happening.Copy !req
19. It's not fucking—
end-off, no. Fuckin'. ..Copy !req
20. - Oh, come on, Panch!
- Oh, come on!Copy !req
21. Daint, I don't give
a fuck if you've gotCopy !req
22. a flux capacitor
in that fuckin' car.Copy !req
23. I'm not going
in there, right?Copy !req
24. Before he fuckin'
wakes up,Copy !req
25. let's just bollock it
for the fuckin' caravan,Copy !req
26. straight through—
well, off to the corner,Copy !req
27. 'cause if you go through it,
you'll probably fucking kill him.Copy !req
28. Look at Pritch
with his seatbelt on.Copy !req
29. - Go on!
- Come on!Copy !req
30. What?
Don't fuck around!Copy !req
31. - You fuckin'. ..
- No, Dainton.Copy !req
32. - ... knobber, knobber, knobber.
- Tough fucking shit.Copy !req
33. I got fuckin' payback
for once in my fuckin' life.Copy !req
34. I put chili sauce in your fuckin' eyes
while you were driving.Copy !req
35. Payback? Look where
the fuck we are!Copy !req
36. Payback?
We're fucking dead.Copy !req
37. - Pritchard: Dead?
- Fuckin' monkeys.Copy !req
38. Boys?Copy !req
39. I have a little proposal
for you fellas.Copy !req
40. I want you to go
on a missionCopy !req
41. throughout the world
to wreak havoc,Copy !req
42. inflict painCopy !req
43. and, most importantly of all,Copy !req
44. commit the seven
deadly sins.Copy !req
45. If you succeed,Copy !req
46. I'll give you
your lives back.Copy !req
47. Fail and I'm afraid
this is it, lads—Copy !req
48. the end of the road.Copy !req
49. So go forth and sin.Copy !req
50. I'll see you on the flipside.Copy !req
51. - ( sheep bleats )
- ( man yells )Copy !req
52. According to Dante,Copy !req
53. sloth deadens
the spiritual senses.Copy !req
54. But according to "Dainto,"Copy !req
55. sloth is the epitome
of man...Copy !req
56. that is Pancho.Copy !req
57. Welcome to the "Sanchez"
sleep trials.Copy !req
58. Step one...Copy !req
59. Superglue.Copy !req
60. Number one.Copy !req
61. His mouth.Copy !req
62. Whoa whoa whoa
whoa whoa— whoa whoa.Copy !req
63. As you can see,
he's quite agitated.Copy !req
64. Feels like
I've got fuckin'Copy !req
65. serious shit
up my nose.Copy !req
66. Watch out,
you got stuff— medicine—Copy !req
67. you've got this stuff
on your head.Copy !req
68. Watch out,
watch out, don't —Copy !req
69. Proof that this man
can fall asleep anywhere in the world.Copy !req
70. Someone's fuckin'
glued my nose up.Copy !req
71. - My nose is fuckin'. ..
- Superglued shut.Copy !req
72. - ( all laughing )
- Try to blow it out.Copy !req
73. It is proper stuck on,
though, isn't it?Copy !req
74. It's going
fuckin' nowhere.Copy !req
75. That's reinforced, that is.Copy !req
76. What happens if I get
a Never-Ending GobstopperCopy !req
77. stuck in the back of
my throat? I'm fucked.Copy !req
78. Ooh.Copy !req
79. It's coming, it's coming,
it's coming, it's coming.Copy !req
80. - It's com— it's coming.
- It's not.Copy !req
81. - It's snot.
- It's coming.Copy !req
82. - It's not!
- It's snot.Copy !req
83. Give me that.
I'll fucking do it myself.Copy !req
84. God, you kids will
do some stupid things.Copy !req
85. - You'll soon find it's rock hard.
- Oh, he's in.Copy !req
86. - Three, two, one.
- Ow!Copy !req
87. Yes, it's gone!Copy !req
88. Oh, you got snot on me.Copy !req
89. Am I sorry of sloth?
Am I? Fuck.Copy !req
90. The rich.Copy !req
91. Now they're a bunch
of funny fuckers.Copy !req
92. - Oh!
- Get him, get him, get him.Copy !req
93. What do they do
to get off their asses?Copy !req
94. Pull!Copy !req
95. I've gone fuckin' deaf.
I can't fuckin' hear nothing.Copy !req
96. This is rabbits.
This is what the toffs like to doCopy !req
97. when the peasants
step onto their land.Copy !req
98. Go for the bollocks.Copy !req
99. ( screaming )
My fuckin' nuts!Copy !req
100. - Oh, fuck!
- It's a go.Copy !req
101. Run, rabbit,
run, rabbit, run run run!Copy !req
102. - Let's have it.
- Ow!Copy !req
103. - Ah!
- Oh! Oh!Copy !req
104. - Oh!
- Ah!Copy !req
105. Um, what the fuck
am I doing?Copy !req
106. Aha! Ah!Copy !req
107. - Ah!
- Ow!Copy !req
108. Oh, right in
my bunny boobs!Copy !req
109. Ah! Fuck!Copy !req
110. Oh! I want no—
fuck that!Copy !req
111. Fuck!Copy !req
112. - Right on the ankle— fuckin' boom.
- ( all laughing )Copy !req
113. - Joycey: Go on, take another hit.
- I can't fuckin' walk, Dan.Copy !req
114. This is a challenge
to see who's the laziest,Copy !req
115. who's the most stupid,Copy !req
116. who can take
the most amount of painCopy !req
117. without leaving
their La-Z-Boy.Copy !req
118. Let's see how lazy Pritchard is.Copy !req
119. - Do it.
- Oh I can't, it's not working.Copy !req
120. - Joking.
- ( pellet gun firing )Copy !req
121. Hey!Copy !req
122. - ( laughing )
- Ah. It's fuckin' so much agony, man.Copy !req
123. - Fuckin'- -
- Oh, Christ!Copy !req
124. - Right, you ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
125. Ah! Cha cha cha
cha cha cha!Copy !req
126. Cha-da da da da! Oh!Copy !req
127. - ( men laughing )
- "Da da da!"Copy !req
128. I lost the La-Z-Boy challengeCopy !req
129. so it's cock action time.Copy !req
130. - Oh, look at him!
- He's got grey hairs.Copy !req
131. He's got grey hairs
on his pubes.Copy !req
132. Oh, am I really
gonna do this?Copy !req
133. - How am I going to perform?
- Get on with it!Copy !req
134. - Just get on with it!
- All: Oh!Copy !req
135. Three, two, one!Copy !req
136. Oh, God!Copy !req
137. I pressed the trigger,
it didn't go!Copy !req
138. - Three, two, one.
- ( fires )Copy !req
139. Another.
Do another one!Copy !req
140. I'm not gonna—
I won't, I won't, I won't!Copy !req
141. Boys, you want
to see it?Copy !req
142. Oh, no no!Copy !req
143. - ( shot fires )
- ( screams )Copy !req
144. You're dead!Copy !req
145. You're dead,
you're dead!Copy !req
146. I'm dead.
Pritchard versus Dainton.Copy !req
147. He is dead.
( laughing )Copy !req
148. Three, oh...Copy !req
149. two, one.Copy !req
150. Ah!Copy !req
151. I didn't think
it would hurt my skull.Copy !req
152. Ah!Copy !req
153. Taught you then.Copy !req
154. - Watch it.
- Hey!Copy !req
155. Don't mess around!Copy !req
156. - Rah!
- ( screams )Copy !req
157. You freak!Copy !req
158. - You pig!
- Keep crying, keep crying.Copy !req
159. - Holy fuck!
- It went in. It went in my finger.Copy !req
160. Right on my nail!Copy !req
161. Daint, you fuckin' penis!Copy !req
162. - Dainton: Jesus Christ.
- Fuckin' penis licker!Copy !req
163. Knew I shouldn't have
fuckin' trusted you.Copy !req
164. Oh, I'm gonna faint.Copy !req
165. Don't play fuckin'
darts with Dainton.Copy !req
166. ( echoing )
Right in the fuckin' nail.Copy !req
167. Right in
the fuckin' nail.Copy !req
168. Twat!Copy !req
169. You can't drink that.Copy !req
170. So what about
a rogue finger?Copy !req
171. Here we go—
big or small, fuck 'em all.Copy !req
172. ( Joycey's voice echoing )
So what about a rogue finger?Copy !req
173. This is just
a quick exampleCopy !req
174. of whether I'm proper
slothed out or not.Copy !req
175. - Stretch it a bit more.
- Dainton: Come on!Copy !req
176. But there's no way
I will fuck with him now.Copy !req
177. I'm gonna shoot
sloth to angerCopy !req
178. in one easy move.Copy !req
179. Shh, he's going green.Copy !req
180. Shh.Copy !req
181. Right, if we're gonna try and turn
Pancho into "The Incredible Hulk,"Copy !req
182. we need to cut
his clothes up.Copy !req
183. We've been trying to
do this for five years.Copy !req
184. There's something
I draw the line at.Copy !req
185. Jim Hickey: What?Copy !req
186. - There's no way—
- ( men laughing )Copy !req
187. Stop it, that's
fuckin' male— stop it.Copy !req
188. - Fucking stop it.
- Jim: What are they doing?Copy !req
189. - Joycey: That's fuckin' funny, man.
- Not funny.Copy !req
190. - Shut up.
- Jim: What are they doing?Copy !req
191. - Shh.
- Jim: What are they doing?Copy !req
192. I'm not gonna—
I'm not— shh!Copy !req
193. I'm not— shut up!Copy !req
194. I'm not gonna tell you
what they're doing.Copy !req
195. But you never thought
the Incredible Hulk—Copy !req
196. I leave it
to your imagination.Copy !req
197. Panch!Copy !req
198. The sloth to anger,
in one easy move.Copy !req
199. - ( squirting )
- Dainton: My God.Copy !req
200. Pritch,
you got his eyes.Copy !req
201. What?Copy !req
202. You got
his fuckin' eyes.Copy !req
203. Yeah, but it's
watered down.Copy !req
204. You're fucked now.
You've fucked it.Copy !req
205. Oh, fuck off.
You're staying here.Copy !req
206. That's bullshit.Copy !req
207. Fuck off.Copy !req
208. Is there a prob—
is there a problem here?Copy !req
209. Don't fuckin' have
a go at me, mate.Copy !req
210. It's naught
to do with me.Copy !req
211. It's nothing
to do with me.Copy !req
212. Jim, it's fuckin' all to do with you.Copy !req
213. - It's not to do with me.
- Joycey: It's not Jim, it's not Jim.Copy !req
214. Leave Jim alone.Copy !req
215. He doesn't even know
he looks like the Hulk.Copy !req
216. I'm green— great.Copy !req
217. - Ah!
- Oh!Copy !req
218. - Oh!
- Ahhh!Copy !req
219. - There he is— Paul Weller.
- Jim: What's a Paul Weller?Copy !req
220. It just wells up.Copy !req
221. Of all the things
that go bump in the night...Copy !req
222. that's Daint.Copy !req
223. Daddy's here!
( laughs )Copy !req
224. ( high-pitched )
Ow!Copy !req
225. There's one thing that
really fuckin' makes me angry,Copy !req
226. and that's his
fuckin' snoring.Copy !req
227. Time for a sleep, Panch.Copy !req
228. Come on, boy.
Come to Daddy.Copy !req
229. Come on!Copy !req
230. My motto in life is
"Sleep when you're dead."Copy !req
231. So I decided to come
to a tattooist in RussiaCopy !req
232. and have "Sleep when you're dead"
tattooed on my leg in Russian.Copy !req
233. There's a thousand ways
to make Pritchard angry.Copy !req
234. But sometimes it's the
most simplest of thingsCopy !req
235. that can make a man
go fuckin' insane.Copy !req
236. It takes a lot to
make me angry basically.Copy !req
237. Somebody will really have
to keep tap-tap pushingCopy !req
238. to make— make...Copy !req
239. Can Pritchard
spin that coinCopy !req
240. for plus 19 and
a half seconds dead?Copy !req
241. One—
oh, shit.Copy !req
242. My relationship
with Dainton—Copy !req
243. I think that's
the only thing that properlyCopy !req
244. drives me fuckin'
angry— Dainton.Copy !req
245. Pritchard is coming
tomorrow morning to get a tattoo—Copy !req
246. "Sleep when you're dead" —
done on his leg.Copy !req
247. Those words are gonna get lost
in translation with my translator.Copy !req
248. Don't get me wrong,
I love it.Copy !req
249. It's brilliant. That's the whole
Pritchard-versus-Dainton thing.Copy !req
250. Let's wake
this little piggy up.Copy !req
251. If there's anyone that properly
does make me angry, it's Dainton.Copy !req
252. Not even himself makes me angry,
it's just the way he does things.Copy !req
253. Daint,
you are a ring nut.Copy !req
254. It's always a competition
between me and him,Copy !req
255. but he always gets
the upper hand.Copy !req
256. I want "Sleep
when I'm dead,"Copy !req
257. but you need to say,
when you translate it...Copy !req
258. He knows— he knows
where my breaking point is...Copy !req
259. and when he knows he's reached
that breaking point with me,Copy !req
260. he will—Copy !req
261. he knows
to back off then.Copy !req
262. - Fucking prick!
- ( laughs )Copy !req
263. - Fuck you.
- You fuckin' punched me in the face.Copy !req
264. "Sleep when you're dead"
in Russian.Copy !req
265. Right on.
It must really mean "Beef StroganoffCopy !req
266. and a lovely vodka,
thank you very much," but there we go.Copy !req
267. - Spasibo.
- Ne za chto.Copy !req
268. This is
gonna fuck him up.Copy !req
269. Well, we're in
a paintball shooting place.Copy !req
270. I'm going to attempt—
and when I say attempt—Copy !req
271. attempt to try and beat
the world recordCopy !req
272. of the amount of paintball hits
to a human body.Copy !req
273. Right, this is a testCopy !req
274. to show you how powerful
these guns areCopy !req
275. that he's gonna be shot with
to break the world record.Copy !req
276. Hit the bin.Copy !req
277. From my experience of
being hit by a paintball—Copy !req
278. naked, before,Copy !req
279. in previous years—Copy !req
280. it's absolutely
fuckin' painful as fuck.Copy !req
281. 103 of those to break
the world record.Copy !req
282. But there isn't even
a world record.Copy !req
283. Right, "Thank you for your interest
in the paintball hits recordCopy !req
284. featured in the 2004 edition
of 'T he Guinness World Records.'Copy !req
285. The record is currently
held by Anthony Kelly" —Copy !req
286. that's the man
you got to beat—Copy !req
287. - "of New South Wales..."
- All: Oh!Copy !req
288. Maybe there'll be a new record
from the New South Wales.Copy !req
289. "... in Australia,
who took 102 hitsCopy !req
290. from a distance
of five meters.Copy !req
291. I have enclosed
a record-attempt registrationCopy !req
292. from which our terms
and conditions..." blah blah blah.Copy !req
293. "I wish you best of luck
in your record attemptCopy !req
294. and look forward
to hearing from you soon.Copy !req
295. Yours truly,
Gerald Davey."Copy !req
296. I can actually properly be
in "The Guinness Book of Records."Copy !req
297. - All: Yeah.
- I never knew it was that official.Copy !req
298. - Yeah.
- Fuckin' hell.Copy !req
299. Oh my God. I've fuckin'
made me even more nervous.Copy !req
300. You ready to roll,
Pritchard?Copy !req
301. - Yes, Daint!
- Come on!Copy !req
302. - ( screams )
- Pancho: 10 down.Copy !req
303. - Joycey: 10.
- Dainton: 92 to go!Copy !req
304. Come on, Math, you can do it!Copy !req
305. Feel the pain.Copy !req
306. Oh, Jesus fuckin'- -
fuck a duck.Copy !req
307. - Go!
- ( paintball gun firing )Copy !req
308. - How many?
- 10, 10.Copy !req
309. 20!Copy !req
310. two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.Copy !req
311. Ah!Copy !req
312. Oh, that fuckin' Anthony Kelly's
a fucking right thick cunt.Copy !req
313. three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.Copy !req
314. Oh!Copy !req
315. 51, 52...Copy !req
316. - Panch, you fuckin' missed.
- A lot of those missed.Copy !req
317. - Fuck!
- Have you been drinking?Copy !req
318. - I haven't.
- You said you missed three,Copy !req
319. - but now you've missed two.
- Two or three.Copy !req
320. Well, make your mind up.Copy !req
321. This is a world record attempt
we're breaking, motherfucker.Copy !req
322. - You can't have more miss.
- I got hit with three.Copy !req
323. I felt three—
I was counting them.Copy !req
324. - Ready? Three, two, one.
- Yeah.Copy !req
325. - Ah!
- Shoot!Copy !req
326. - Oh!
- Come on!Copy !req
327. You look like fuckin'
King Kong spunked on you.Copy !req
328. Ah!Copy !req
329. Ay-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!
Fuckin' 90!Copy !req
330. - Ah!
- One, two, three, four, five, six,Copy !req
331. - seven, eight, nine, 10!
- Ah!Copy !req
332. I only need another three,
I've fuckin' done it.Copy !req
333. Four.Copy !req
334. The record's 102.
I only need 103.Copy !req
335. Only three more and
I've fuckin' beaten it.Copy !req
336. I'm in that fuckin'
great book, baby!Copy !req
337. - Whoo! Yeah!
- ( all cheering )Copy !req
338. For being
a right stupid twat!Copy !req
339. Come on, Pritch!
Here we go, to victory!Copy !req
340. Three, two, one!Copy !req
341. Fucking done it!Copy !req
342. Yeah!Copy !req
343. World record holder—
103 paintballs to the body.Copy !req
344. Kelly, kiss my ass,
you did 102.Copy !req
345. Maybe it's gone too far?Copy !req
346. Well, Jim, it's gone too far.
He looks like he's been hit—Copy !req
347. he looks like he's been hit
by a fuckin' truck.Copy !req
348. He's ecstatic. He said,
"I can't wait to phone my mom."Copy !req
349. To tell you the truth...Copy !req
350. when I realized
I'd broken the record,Copy !req
351. I mean obviously I knew
in my head, I've broken a record,Copy !req
352. I was really excited—
I was jumping around telling...Copy !req
353. Crew, I've done it!Copy !req
354. ( mumbles )
Shit.Copy !req
355. I mean, as a kid,
you always readCopy !req
356. "The Guinness Book
of Records"Copy !req
357. when you have it for Christmas
or something like that.Copy !req
358. You immediately think,
"Oh, I'd love to be in this book."Copy !req
359. But, now I'm finally
gonna make it in the book.Copy !req
360. You all right, Math?Copy !req
361. Boys, you wanna see
the state of my fuckin' body?Copy !req
362. - Let's have a look.
- Pritchard: It's fucked.Copy !req
363. - Give us a ganders.
- Fuckin' ready?Copy !req
364. - Let's have a look.
- Oh my God!Copy !req
365. Oh my fuckin' shit-flaps.Copy !req
366. Oh my— oh my God,
look at that.Copy !req
367. Look at how savage it is.
They're all raised up.Copy !req
368. Oh, it's fucking hell, man.Copy !req
369. Look at that fucker!
Oh my God!Copy !req
370. Fuck me!
Look at that.Copy !req
371. That's fucked.
I can't even look at it.Copy !req
372. That's the good thing
about skin, boys. It fuckin' heals.Copy !req
373. I've always said, whoever invented it
was a fuckin' genius.Copy !req
374. I've never seen
anything like that.Copy !req
375. I've never seen so much
fuckin' carnage on one bodyCopy !req
376. after paintballs.Copy !req
377. And when he finds out that— when
he finds out there's no world record—Copy !req
378. I made it up on
the computer last night—Copy !req
379. I'm seriously, seriously in some
seriously deep shit.Copy !req
380. Yeah, you know,
Pritchard's fuckin' shaved my hair offCopy !req
381. fucking God knows
what so many times.Copy !req
382. He deserves
to be tucked up.Copy !req
383. That'll teach the fucker
to fuckin' snore.Copy !req
384. Breathe.Copy !req
385. Now we have
the peacemaker,Copy !req
386. Mikhail Gorbachev.Copy !req
387. Right, that is it.Copy !req
388. Right— fuck.Copy !req
389. - Pancho.
- What?Copy !req
390. - What's wrong with you?
- What do you mean,Copy !req
391. "What's wrong with you?"Copy !req
392. Look at his long johnsCopy !req
393. You— you knew
it was gonna—Copy !req
394. Don't punch me.Copy !req
395. Oh, just punch me.
Go on, punch me.Copy !req
396. - Right.
- Punch me. Go on, punch me.Copy !req
397. Oh!Copy !req
398. Whoa.Copy !req
399. He's gonna have a shit on him.
He's having a shit on him!Copy !req
400. You're fucking dead.Copy !req
401. This is Russia,
this was anger.Copy !req
402. He semi-knocked
me out then.Copy !req
403. Fuck this place, right?
This place is so full of anger,Copy !req
404. I need some love.Copy !req
405. Let me...Copy !req
406. Come in here, Dainton!Copy !req
407. Oh ho!
I love— whoa!Copy !req
408. Get off me!Copy !req
409. Take me to Thailand
for the ladyboys.Copy !req
410. Dirty boys!Copy !req
411. Come inside.Copy !req
412. Dirty boys!Copy !req
413. "I love Dainton."Copy !req
414. He's gonna
go fuckin' nuts.Copy !req
415. Right, we're in Bangkok.Copy !req
416. Bit of a ghetto area.Copy !req
417. Per pound, you can get
liposuction done here.Copy !req
418. - The ping-pong lady...
- Oh!Copy !req
419. ( faux-ltalian accent )
said me too chubby.Copy !req
420. Me need
to lose weight.Copy !req
421. Too chubby, too chubby.Copy !req
422. If they can make those
ladyboys look fuckin' good...Copy !req
423. then there might be hope
for me yet. You never know.Copy !req
424. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
425. - I am Pancho.
- I'm Dr. Somsak.Copy !req
426. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
427. Would you say
I have a beer belly?Copy !req
428. Yes, in compare to your height.Copy !req
429. Yeah, I'm a bit overweight, yeah.Copy !req
430. Uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
431. But it makes me
stronger to party.Copy !req
432. This is the real deal, isn't it?Copy !req
433. I don't think
he realizes how—Copy !req
434. I don't think he realizes
what he's let himself in for.Copy !req
435. How does it feel,
taking fat out?Copy !req
436. - Oh, some pain.
- ( yelling )Copy !req
437. Some pain?Copy !req
438. - Some pain.
- ( both sucking )Copy !req
439. This is the fat that come out
in the bottle after liposuction.Copy !req
440. Ooh.Copy !req
441. This is blood,
and this is fat.Copy !req
442. This is like putting
pantyliners on your face.Copy !req
443. ( lisps )
New, with wings.Copy !req
444. I've got to be honest—
I am proper shittin' it.Copy !req
445. Time for your medication,
Mr. Locke.Copy !req
446. Done some stupid,
silly stuff in my time,Copy !req
447. but this takes
the biscuit.Copy !req
448. Oh my God, I'm not gonna
be able to see what's happening.Copy !req
449. The operation's
about to begin.Copy !req
450. - See the size of that needle.
- Pancho: Oh shut up, man.Copy !req
451. - Pancho: I can't feel anything yet.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
452. Has he cut me open?Copy !req
453. No.Copy !req
454. Oh my God.
Fuckin' hell.Copy !req
455. Look at the size
of that rod.Copy !req
456. Ow! Jesus, man.Copy !req
457. He gone right down
by my hipbone.Copy !req
458. No more!
Ah. Fuckin' hell, man.Copy !req
459. Ow!Copy !req
460. Oh fuck!
I'm fuckin'- -Copy !req
461. Squeeze my hand, man.Copy !req
462. Panch, I can see the head.
I can see the head, keep pushing.Copy !req
463. - Boys, I can't go through much more.
- Squeeze my hand, man.Copy !req
464. I can't —
it fuckin' feels so bad.Copy !req
465. He hasn't even
started yet.Copy !req
466. - ( yelling )
- Panch, squeeze my hand,Copy !req
467. squeeze my hand.
Ah! Fuckin' A.Copy !req
468. Fingers are diggin' in.Copy !req
469. It's all right, man.
It's all right, this is it.Copy !req
470. That's it.
You're done.Copy !req
471. Oh, they've just started.Copy !req
472. "Not done, just start."Copy !req
473. - Joycey: Keep your hands up.
- Oh no no.Copy !req
474. They're about to start sucking
the fat out of Pancho's hips.Copy !req
475. - Ah!
- Savage, man.Copy !req
476. Oh whoa whoa whoa! Ow!Copy !req
477. Pancho said "Ow."Copy !req
478. No.Copy !req
479. - Eww!
- Gosh!Copy !req
480. Ow ow ow ow ow!Copy !req
481. I told you "Ow" means "More,"
you fuckin' plonker.Copy !req
482. Ah! Fuckin' hell, man!Copy !req
483. Shut up! Get out,
you fucking bell-end!Copy !req
484. Daint, I'm not finding
any amusement in this now, right?Copy !req
485. I'm really starting
to spook out.Copy !req
486. Ah. Yeah!Copy !req
487. Done, Panch,
you're done.Copy !req
488. That is your fat.Copy !req
489. I will give you,
so you can take the fat home.Copy !req
490. Oh my God, look how
much is there.Copy !req
491. Oh! Oh my God.Copy !req
492. - You're gonna love this.
- Oh!Copy !req
493. Right, now we've got it.Copy !req
494. I think we've got to think
of some way to get rid of it.Copy !req
495. We're in Bangkok,
Thailand,Copy !req
496. and it's time to play
"Guess the Ladyboy,"Copy !req
497. but the thing is
I know myselfCopy !req
498. that all these girls
here are ladyboys.Copy !req
499. A man or lady?Copy !req
500. Um, guy.Copy !req
501. - Pritchard: Nice ass on there.
- ( techno music playing )Copy !req
502. Oh, fuck off,
that's a dude.Copy !req
503. - That is definitely a bloke.
- No, that's definitely not.Copy !req
504. He's a man, look. He's got
a fuckin' Desperate Dan chin.Copy !req
505. - Joycey: Oh, look at that, yeah.
- Pritchard: That's a woman.Copy !req
506. That's a fuckin' man.Copy !req
507. - Look at her hands.
- Look at his hands.Copy !req
508. - That's a man.
- Oh yeah!Copy !req
509. That's a dude.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
510. - Thank you.
- Cheers, Roger.Copy !req
511. - Jim: We've got to do it!
- Jim!Copy !req
512. Jim! Are you
fuckin' listening?Copy !req
513. I am not
kissing a man!Copy !req
514. Fuckin' end of story!
If it was a fuckin' womanCopy !req
515. and I thought it was
a fucking woman and it was a man,Copy !req
516. my tough shit.
I am not kissing a fucking man.Copy !req
517. - Joycey: Is one a girl?
- Dainton: There's not.Copy !req
518. Tell him which one
it is then. Tell him then.Copy !req
519. - Tell him which one it is.
- ( Jim speaking )Copy !req
520. Jim, Jim, Jim...Copy !req
521. Is it a woman?Copy !req
522. All right, then, brilliant.
That's okay then.Copy !req
523. She has to be a woman.Copy !req
524. There's no way someone
like that can look like a man.Copy !req
525. Which one do you
think is a woman?Copy !req
526. The one with the stars
and stripes on.Copy !req
527. - That's a woman?
- Yeah.Copy !req
528. All right then.Copy !req
529. - Oh, this is the one I choose.
- ( techno music playing )Copy !req
530. I hope it's
a fucking woman.Copy !req
531. What do you reckon?
What do you reckon, Math?Copy !req
532. - Kiss it, Math.
- All: Oh!Copy !req
533. - Go on then, Dave.
- She's supposed to be a woman.Copy !req
534. It ain't, is it?Copy !req
535. That's a man.
This is clearly a man.Copy !req
536. I can't even look.Copy !req
537. Oh!Copy !req
538. Go for the kiss.
Go for the kiss.Copy !req
539. - All: Oh!
- He just tongued it.Copy !req
540. That's it, finished.
Nice one, mate. Cheers.Copy !req
541. No no!
I'm gonna be sick.Copy !req
542. I can't —Copy !req
543. Please be a man. What am I saying?
Please be a woman.Copy !req
544. - "Be a man" ?
- She does look pretty good though.Copy !req
545. It is a woman,
isn't it?Copy !req
546. It is a woman, isn't it?Copy !req
547. Oh, Dainton,
she's got wicked fuckin' knockers.Copy !req
548. Oh! And the tongue
went in!Copy !req
549. I've got a bit
of a boner coming.Copy !req
550. - And he's got—
- ... in the valleys, Daint.Copy !req
551. - They don't take too lightly—
- Whoa whoa! Just in case!Copy !req
552. Hello.Copy !req
553. Are you a man or are you
a woman? Let's have a look.Copy !req
554. - Oh— oh yeah, there's a cock.
- It's a man! Oh my God!Copy !req
555. Oh Jesus! Fuck!Copy !req
556. All right, mate.
Yep, let's see what you got.Copy !req
557. What have you got?
Oh my God!Copy !req
558. Reveal.Copy !req
559. - Oh, it's a cock.
- It's a cock.Copy !req
560. - Oh Jesus.
- Put it away, put it away!Copy !req
561. I know she might be an ugly girl,
but it's not a pretty boy.Copy !req
562. - Let's have a look at the crown jewels.
- There's a cock in there.Copy !req
563. I think there's a cock. No no—
what have we got, what have we got?Copy !req
564. - Cock!
- There's a cock!Copy !req
565. Oh! Fuck!
Get off me!Copy !req
566. He got himself one of them!Copy !req
567. He even got a fuckin'
semi-hard-on and everythingCopy !req
568. and he fucking
used his tongue,Copy !req
569. when everyone else just
kissed him on the lips.Copy !req
570. I've got fuckin'- -
I've got a misses and kids at home.Copy !req
571. What the fuck are they gonna do
when they see that?Copy !req
572. The missus probably
won't kiss me— oh fuck.Copy !req
573. I actually went backstage
when you were outside,Copy !req
574. and I knew that every
single one was a man.Copy !req
575. - You're fuckin' dead!
- ( yells )Copy !req
576. - You fuckin' cunt!
- Fuckin'- -!Copy !req
577. You set me up with
a fuckin' woman— man, you dick!Copy !req
578. You got a boner
off a man. Payback.Copy !req
579. Oh, fuck off.Copy !req
580. "What have you been doing
in Thailand, Dainton?"Copy !req
581. "Oh, just been hanging out
with some ladyboys, you know,Copy !req
582. having lap dances.
Even got aroused."Copy !req
583. Okay, boys, this is called
a game of Bangkok Roulette.Copy !req
584. Ning is gonna come in,
go under there,Copy !req
585. do her business.
We've got to try and guessCopy !req
586. who she's doing
the business on.Copy !req
587. But if you get it wrong,Copy !req
588. then you'll have to have
a bug and down a whiskey.Copy !req
589. - And those bugs are fuckin' rank.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
590. Oh, look at that one.
He's got a face.Copy !req
591. Oh!Copy !req
592. Right then, boys,Copy !req
593. - this is my sexy assistant, Ning.
- Hello.Copy !req
594. She's the one who's going
to be pleasuring us tonight.Copy !req
595. God, they don't
hang around, do they?Copy !req
596. Right then, boys,
down with the pants.Copy !req
597. Are you ready
to play Bangkok Roulette?Copy !req
598. I'm fucking
smiling already.Copy !req
599. All right then, after three.
Three, two, one.Copy !req
600. Fuckin' hell, there's some good
poker faces here, boys.Copy !req
601. Right, that's the 30 seconds up.Copy !req
602. Now we've got to guess.
We'll start with Dainton.Copy !req
603. Who do you think
was getting played with?Copy !req
604. Boys, I can't tell you
because I am being played with.Copy !req
605. I thought—
I thought it was you.Copy !req
606. It's me!Copy !req
607. Can you tell her to stop?
I might get a boner.Copy !req
608. "Say hello to
my little friend."Copy !req
609. Get it over
and done with. Come on.Copy !req
610. Come on, Pritch.
It's not a spider.Copy !req
611. I just— sorry, boys,
that freaked me out then.Copy !req
612. - Why?
- A bit of his leg was in my mouth.Copy !req
613. Come on, stop stalling.Copy !req
614. - These boys are gonna get—
- Go on, chew it.Copy !req
615. I can't do it!
I don't like bugs!Copy !req
616. I don't like fuckin'- -Copy !req
617. I don't like ladyboys,
but you fuckin' tricked me.Copy !req
618. He's fuckin'
freaking me out.Copy !req
619. Payback, Pritch.
Payback.Copy !req
620. - Don't be sick on Ning.
- Get the leg.Copy !req
621. Own up, who was it?Copy !req
622. There we go. Look.Copy !req
623. - Come on!
- It's going in.Copy !req
624. Oh, don't be sick now.Copy !req
625. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
626. - Oh!
- Ew!Copy !req
627. - Don't want to spill.
- All: Oh!Copy !req
628. - You.
- It was me and I got a raging boner.Copy !req
629. - Oh no no no no!
- ( gags )Copy !req
630. Quick quick quick.
Come on, Pancho!Copy !req
631. Go on, get it down.Copy !req
632. You what?Copy !req
633. Boys, the bugs
ain't even that bad.Copy !req
634. I could stay here drinking whiskey
and eating bugs all night.Copy !req
635. It's like pork scratchings,
that's all it is.Copy !req
636. Well, let's fuckin'
up the ante, then.Copy !req
637. - Up the ante?
- Yeah, let's do it with something else.Copy !req
638. I've got some
good stuff here, lads.Copy !req
639. - ( all groaning )
- It's my man-fat.Copy !req
640. Jesus—!Copy !req
641. Probably about 90% proof.Copy !req
642. I've set up a little game show.
You remember "Family Fortune" ?Copy !req
643. This is called
"Unfortunate Wank."Copy !req
644. We'll do the same thing—
whoever gets wanked offCopy !req
645. has to fuckin'
down the fat.Copy !req
646. What, whichever one
she picks?Copy !req
647. Yeah. So she's picking
who eats the fat.Copy !req
648. No way.Copy !req
649. Whoever gets the wank
has to down the man-fat.Copy !req
650. Without further ado,
Ming, do your thing!Copy !req
651. Oh my God.Copy !req
652. Sucker!Copy !req
653. That looks fucking rank.
Look at it.Copy !req
654. It's all like bits
of fuckin'- -Copy !req
655. That's not—
that's not food, man.Copy !req
656. That's proper fuckin'
Panch fat.Copy !req
657. Look, the doctor
showed me, right...Copy !req
658. This is blood,
and this is fat.Copy !req
659. It's fucked up.
You— you're in there.Copy !req
660. - Dainton: Let's get on with it.
- This is fucking cannibalism,Copy !req
661. for fuck's sake.
You get sent down for this shit.Copy !req
662. Well, separate—
separate the blood from the fat.Copy !req
663. Pour it in,
pour it in, pour it in.Copy !req
664. This—
oh! Oh man!Copy !req
665. Oh, that is fucking wrong, man.Copy !req
666. See, there's blood there.Copy !req
667. Look— don't — there's a bucket there.
There's a bucket there.Copy !req
668. Oh my God,
there's a stringy bit!Copy !req
669. Look at it,
just dangling!Copy !req
670. Oh man!Copy !req
671. Oh!Copy !req
672. No shit.
This is without a doubtCopy !req
673. the sickest, fucked-up stunt
we've ever— we've ever done.Copy !req
674. If you're in the cinema now
watching this,Copy !req
675. pull your sick bag out,
because this is gonna be fucking needed.Copy !req
676. Steak— lovely,
very very rare steak.Copy !req
677. It's a very rare steak.Copy !req
678. Oh!Copy !req
679. Oh! Fuck!Copy !req
680. Oh my God.Copy !req
681. Oh God!Copy !req
682. All right, I'm gonna
fucking do this againCopy !req
683. and I'm gonna
keep it down this time.Copy !req
684. I don't want to be
a part of this anymore.Copy !req
685. - This has gone too far.
- It's just smooth water.Copy !req
686. It's just smooth water.Copy !req
687. Relax, calm
calm calm.Copy !req
688. Relax, swallow.Copy !req
689. Gulp, gulp it.Copy !req
690. Gulp.Copy !req
691. Go on—
it's tomato juice.Copy !req
692. - Yeah!
- I've just eaten a fuckin' man,Copy !req
693. for fuck's sake!Copy !req
694. - ( groans )
- If you haven't goneCopy !req
695. for your doggy bag yet...Copy !req
696. you're as equally fucked
as these bastards.Copy !req
697. Welcome to "Dirty Sanchez."
I've just eaten a man.Copy !req
698. Here we are!
Phi Phi!Copy !req
699. We've just done lust,
now it's time for envy.Copy !req
700. Ooh, don't.
That was nice.Copy !req
701. All right, boys, you just
arrived in Phi Phi.Copy !req
702. Nice, isn't it?Copy !req
703. - Lovely, Dainton.
- It is.Copy !req
704. There's a price to pay
for everything, though, isn't there?Copy !req
705. Exactly, because
this is the deal, yeah?Copy !req
706. - We're gonna have a little crab race.
- I don't like crabs!Copy !req
707. Two crabs that are winners,Copy !req
708. those guys get to stay in
the beautiful accommodation...Copy !req
709. ( speaks Thai )
Welcome to Zeavola.Copy !req
710. This is
a five-stars property.Copy !req
711. For those who stay here,
they can relax, enjoy and being lazy.Copy !req
712. and the guys with
the slowest crabs,Copy !req
713. gotta go in— the accommodation
is a rat-infested shitholeCopy !req
714. on the other side
of the island.Copy !req
715. Luckily, Daint, I think
I picked up crabs in fucking Bangkok,Copy !req
716. - and these are fast fuckers.
- Go on, Number Two.Copy !req
717. - Come on, Number Four.
- Give me. Give me rock.Copy !req
718. Come on, crab.
Come on!Copy !req
719. Yes!
Mine's out first!Copy !req
720. - Come on. Come on, boy.
- ( cheering )Copy !req
721. I bloody spurred yours.
I made yours win!Copy !req
722. I was given a fucking crab
that wasn't even alive,Copy !req
723. that was never going anywhere. I was
always sleeping in the tin fucking-hut.Copy !req
724. I'm gonna make you sick with envy
when you see my place. Come on.Copy !req
725. Do you want to come
and have a look at my little pad?Copy !req
726. I'd rather wank
my old man off, Panch.Copy !req
727. Welcome to Zeavola.Copy !req
728. Oh, boys, I do see
our swimming pool.Copy !req
729. - Joycey: Oh, fuck off!
- Pritchard: Oh my God!Copy !req
730. Well, it looks like
fucking shantytown to me already.Copy !req
731. - ( groans )
- Oh, look at that.Copy !req
732. Shoes off, Joyce.
Just look at this place.Copy !req
733. Fit for a king.
Fit for a king!Copy !req
734. - Oh my God.
- Oh, dude.Copy !req
735. Look at what I'll see
in the morning when I wake up.Copy !req
736. This takes the piss.Copy !req
737. There's cockroaches
on the bed!Copy !req
738. - Where? Let's have a look.
- I can't sleep in here.Copy !req
739. I told you. At least there's
a bit of porn on the wall.Copy !req
740. Ooh, look. We've got
lights in here.Copy !req
741. I thought they
were fairy lights.Copy !req
742. They're just holes
in the ceiling. ( laughs )Copy !req
743. I tell you what— I think there's
a few fucking rats in the ground here.Copy !req
744. - Oh what?
- You said rat-infested.Copy !req
745. There's a fucking
red ants' nest up in the treeCopy !req
746. - in that pair of old stinking pants.
- Joycey: There is as well.Copy !req
747. I ain't fucking staying here.
I can tell you that now.Copy !req
748. You've got to.
It's "Sanchez Rule."Copy !req
749. "Sanchez Rule" has
always been the same:Copy !req
750. You lose, you fucking
stick the consequence.Copy !req
751. But Daint, there's
fucking bugs everywhere.Copy !req
752. - I'm fucking not—
- Whoa, man!Copy !req
753. - Fuck, look at the size—
- See what I mean?Copy !req
754. We can't fucking sleep here.Copy !req
755. He's carrying half a tree.
You've got to stay here.Copy !req
756. You lost fair and square,
we won fair and square.Copy !req
757. Yeah, but you're in
a seven-star fucking hotel.Copy !req
758. Welcome to Zeavola.Copy !req
759. If I'm staying in here,
I'm gonna make sureCopy !req
760. you go back to that hotel
fucking pissed off.Copy !req
761. Like how?
I'm going back to the hotel—Copy !req
762. - Do you want to fucking see?
- I'm going back to the hotelCopy !req
763. with the biggest grin on my face knowing
that you're stuck in this proper—Copy !req
764. this is worse
than I described.Copy !req
765. Yeah, but when you
go back to the hotel...Copy !req
766. you're going to be
proper pissed off when you see this.Copy !req
767. "I love Dainton."Copy !req
768. - Dainton, are you not envious of that?
- You're fucking sick!Copy !req
769. - Aren't you envious of that?
- "I heart Dainton."Copy !req
770. Are you sure you don't want
to share your seven-star roomCopy !req
771. - with me now, love?
- Who's envious now, eh?Copy !req
772. - Is that fucking real?
- Yeah.Copy !req
773. Try and rub it off,
Dainton.Copy !req
774. Pritch, you can't have fucking
"I love Dainton" on your cock!Copy !req
775. You don't fucking
love me, you hate me.Copy !req
776. By the end of this I'm going
to make sure you really hate me.Copy !req
777. You're going to want
to chop your own cock off.Copy !req
778. I tell you— I'm going
to fucking knock you out.Copy !req
779. "I love Dainton"Copy !req
780. What in God's name have I don't to you?Copy !req
781. Oh, fucking hell!
It's never-fucking-ending!Copy !req
782. There's no record
for the most paintballs to the body.Copy !req
783. - Oh fucking God!
- ( guys laughing )Copy !req
784. That fucking Anthony Kelly,
he's a right thick cunt.Copy !req
785. - ( guys laughing )
- You fucking wanker!Copy !req
786. Yes!Copy !req
787. - Yes!
- The whole letter, it was fake.Copy !req
788. 103 fucking bullets to my fucking body
and there's no such thing?Copy !req
789. I'm in that
fucking great book, baby!Copy !req
790. Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
791. I've got 103 bullet holes
in my fucking bodyCopy !req
792. for fucking
no reason at all!Copy !req
793. I'm sorry,
this is fucking amazing!Copy !req
794. This is the funniest thing
I've ever seen.Copy !req
795. 103 fucking bullet holes—
what else are you gonna do to me?Copy !req
796. - Knock you out!
- You're gonna catch malariaCopy !req
797. - staying in this shithole tonight.
- I'll tell you what—Copy !req
798. that's fucking it now.
You've pissed me off so fucking much,Copy !req
799. - let's have a fight.
- You wanna fight?Copy !req
800. Yeah, I'll fight you,
Thai boxing,Copy !req
801. in the boxing ring.
Fucking yeah. Tomorrow.Copy !req
802. Right. No shit.
I'll take you up on that.Copy !req
803. This might be the last time
we fucking shake hands.Copy !req
804. Don't take it to heart
if I knock you outCopy !req
805. and I won't take it to heart
if you knock me out,Copy !req
806. but I'm gonna come out
tomorrow night fucking swinging.Copy !req
807. You had better be, because I'll be
swinging like a fucking windmill.Copy !req
808. I am fucking starving.Copy !req
809. - I haven't eaten all fucking day.
- I'll eat anything.Copy !req
810. They put us—
Pancho and DaintonCopy !req
811. are sitting there,
champagne fucking dinner...Copy !req
812. - Champagne, Panch?
- It's like cracking open an egg.Copy !req
813. Crack on.Copy !req
814. This place is a fucking shithole.Copy !req
815. Take me
the fuck out of here!Copy !req
816. Phi Phi, fuck me,Copy !req
817. this place is
a fucking wankville!Copy !req
818. Here's to happy days...
in Phi Phi.Copy !req
819. - At least you shit—
- Ah! Look at that fucking spider!Copy !req
820. - Stay there, stay there, stay there!
- No no no no, don't! Don't!Copy !req
821. - Joycey: Stay there!
- There's a fucking—Copy !req
822. Uh, grilled lobster.Copy !req
823. Caught today, please.Copy !req
824. - Joycey: Oh my God.
- ( groans )Copy !req
825. Can I have my food sprinkled
with the magic of Thailand, please?Copy !req
826. What's that,
chili sauce?Copy !req
827. Ah. Ah.
You fucking—Copy !req
828. Ah! Crap!Copy !req
829. - Bonjour, monsieur. Enjoy the view.
- Tres bien.Copy !req
830. - Spider. ( laughs )
- Ah!Copy !req
831. Where? Fuck off.Copy !req
832. Where the— hurry up, turn the light on!
Turn the light on!Copy !req
833. - ( Pritchard yelps )
- Joycey: Fuck off!Copy !req
834. - Watch! Watch!
- Pritchard: Fucking what's that?Copy !req
835. Say it! Say it!Copy !req
836. Oi, fucking get your arse—
oi, Pritch, it's fight day.Copy !req
837. Come on, man.
You're the winner.Copy !req
838. - ( thuds )
- He just whacked his head on that.Copy !req
839. Shit. That's a good start
to a fucking training day.Copy !req
840. 497, 498,Copy !req
841. 499, 500!Copy !req
842. You're fucking dead,
Pritchard!Copy !req
843. Aww, look at
the little chicks.Copy !req
844. 10 more!
Come on!Copy !req
845. - Go on! Use him as a body bag!
- Ah!Copy !req
846. I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him.Copy !req
847. - Say "I'm a tiger."
- I'm knackered.Copy !req
848. This fucking fight
ain't gonna last two minutes.Copy !req
849. This is the deal. Pritchard versus
Dainton, battle of the dickheads.Copy !req
850. - Do you wanna see my killer moves?
- Joycey: Yeah.Copy !req
851. This time he's taken it
one step too far.Copy !req
852. Whoo! Whoo! Bam!Copy !req
853. I am going to fucking
unleash the beast.Copy !req
854. Might get my cock out.
He'll be like "Oh, what you doing?"Copy !req
855. - Boff.
- I'm not gonna fucking play with him.Copy !req
856. I'm not gonna
be nice to him.Copy !req
857. - ( bottle clatters )
- Oh! Oh.Copy !req
858. It was a spider
or a rat.Copy !req
859. There's no kissing,
there's no huggingCopy !req
860. and there's no fucking
tickling tonight.Copy !req
861. Oh, tickle-tickle.Copy !req
862. The Finisher.Copy !req
863. Dainton's gonna
kick his ass!Copy !req
864. Ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
865. - Pritchard! Dainton!
- ( cheering )Copy !req
866. ( Crowd chanting )
Go go go go go go...Copy !req
867. Fucking get over there!
One more!Copy !req
868. - ( bell dings )
- Whoo!Copy !req
869. Yeah, man!Copy !req
870. That's so hard, man.
It's not as easy as it looks.Copy !req
871. I hit him with the first,
the first of the match.Copy !req
872. He went down.
I thought he weren't gonna get back up.Copy !req
873. But he ain't got the prize.Copy !req
874. He stayed down—
fucked, gone, game over.Copy !req
875. I'll regain my pride
through stupidity, I think.Copy !req
876. Well, Pritchard,
we're off to Japan next,Copy !req
877. a country that is
fucking driven by pride.Copy !req
878. ( all yell )
Let's get fucking bollixed!Copy !req
879. Let's get
fucking bollixed!Copy !req
880. Huh! Tokyo.Copy !req
881. - You movie star!
- ( speaks Japanese )Copy !req
882. This challenge is called
the Spunky Dunky Challenge.Copy !req
883. We're all gonna go
to the toilets with a camera—Copy !req
884. just to make sure
that no one's cheating—Copy !req
885. and we're gonna spunk
in a dunky,Copy !req
886. and the one with
the least amount of spunk...Copy !req
887. has gotta wear
the spunky dunky.Copy !req
888. Fuck, here I am.
Made it to the toilet.Copy !req
889. Now I've gotta have
a fucking wank.Copy !req
890. I had a room
on my own last nightCopy !req
891. for the first time
in fucking three weeks,Copy !req
892. and l— and a fucking
powerful bidet jet that goes up my ass.Copy !req
893. I took full advantage of it
and I had five wanks.Copy !req
894. So I'm sure there's nothing even left.Copy !req
895. You ain't seeing
my fucking come-face either.Copy !req
896. Is he gonna come out
with a load in the condom?Copy !req
897. Is he gonna come out
with a poor show?Copy !req
898. If he comes out with a load—Copy !req
899. I don't wanna say this, but we're
gonna have to check the footage.Copy !req
900. How much you got?
- Any good?Copy !req
901. Oh, there's some romantic music
in there while he's doing it.Copy !req
902. Where's Dainton's glass?Copy !req
903. Which one's
Dainton's glass?Copy !req
904. Oh, this is wrong, man.
This is Dainton having a wank.Copy !req
905. - Why is he saying "Pritch" ?
- Shut up.Copy !req
906. Fuck! Can't even get
a fucking hard-on!Copy !req
907. Did you keep thinking
about us at any point?Copy !req
908. I thought about Dainton
quite a bit, yeah.Copy !req
909. Oh, that's less than me!Copy !req
910. Yes! I'm not getting it!Copy !req
911. There he is boys.Copy !req
912. Oh, fucking hell!Copy !req
913. Damn, how can he do that?Copy !req
914. The music was one of the big factors
in me having a hard time wanking.Copy !req
915. This music is
really putting me off.Copy !req
916. Panch has been
so long in the toilet with the cameraCopy !req
917. having a wank that Dan
has to go down with my camera.Copy !req
918. Gays take these
into bog toilets,Copy !req
919. right, so that when—Copy !req
920. when he meets
another cottager,Copy !req
921. he puts his feet into it
whilst the other one blows him off,Copy !req
922. so when the attendant
looks underCopy !req
923. he sees a bag
and one set of feet.Copy !req
924. Daint—
Daint taught me that.Copy !req
925. You've been dipping
your condom in there, haven't you?Copy !req
926. You dipped it
in there, didn't you?Copy !req
927. Because you knew
I'd go for that instead.Copy !req
928. Yeah, I have been.Copy !req
929. - Fucking twat!
- Don't —Copy !req
930. There she is.Copy !req
931. - Did you fucking do that?
- You should've drunk out of your glass.Copy !req
932. - Did you do that?
- I put some cum in there.Copy !req
933. Boys, that was
hard fucking work.Copy !req
934. - You're sweating!
- He's sweating!Copy !req
935. That was so fuck—
so much hard work.Copy !req
936. Panch, if I was you,
I'd drink out of that,Copy !req
937. because he put
a fucking jimmy in my pint.Copy !req
938. That was— that was a proper
under-pressure wank.Copy !req
939. Look.Copy !req
940. - Well, you drink out of that then.
- Pour some in there.Copy !req
941. L— I've just
fucking drunk two pints.Copy !req
942. I don't trust
any fucker on this team.Copy !req
943. I ain't drinking
out of it.Copy !req
944. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Jesus Christ.Copy !req
945. - Yeah, it's your cock, it don't matter.
- No, l—Copy !req
946. It ain't my fucking cock.
Just fucking drink it.Copy !req
947. I've fucked
with people's glasses.Copy !req
948. We've just had this argument.
There's fuck all wrong with it.Copy !req
949. - ( gags )
- ( laughs )Copy !req
950. You've tampered
with that.Copy !req
951. I haven't tampered with it.Copy !req
952. I'm just good
at fucking pulling my plonker.Copy !req
953. That's a fucking
endurance test.Copy !req
954. How fucking hard is that?Copy !req
955. We've all been to the toilet,
we've done the fucking deed.Copy !req
956. As embarrassing as it was,
it's fucking crunch time.Copy !req
957. Two, one.Copy !req
958. - Joycey!
- Yeah!Copy !req
959. Oh, yes!Copy !req
960. - It's going all in his hair.
- ( yells )Copy !req
961. Oh, that looks good.Copy !req
962. That's it, slow. Slower.Copy !req
963. Blow it up!
Blow it up!Copy !req
964. Blow it up,
Dan, blow it up.Copy !req
965. - Blow it till it pops!
- ( pops )Copy !req
966. I may be the winner,
but I'm the—Copy !req
967. I'm the loser,
aren't I?Copy !req
968. We're in Japan.Copy !req
969. We're about to meet
the Tokyo Shock Boys.Copy !req
970. Their stunts
and our stunts.Copy !req
971. - Welcome to Japan.
- Bummer, man.Copy !req
972. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
973. We're in Japan,
it's your country.Copy !req
974. Let's fucking see how
the Tokyo Shock Boys rock.Copy !req
975. Okay, okay.Copy !req
976. Here we go.Copy !req
977. - This is beer.
- Okay.Copy !req
978. Come on, come on,
come on. Okay.Copy !req
979. Oh my God!
How the fuck do you do that!Copy !req
980. Cheers.Copy !req
981. Cigarette.Copy !req
982. Well, I honestly haven't a fucking clue
what he's doing this time.Copy !req
983. Fucking hell!
Fucking hell!Copy !req
984. I can give you...
good thing.Copy !req
985. Oh, it better not
be your cock.Copy !req
986. Next, you!Copy !req
987. It's time to shock
the Shock Boys!Copy !req
988. We've invented a new game.
This is called "Bum Drum."Copy !req
989. - New game.
- Yeah, what we do is he sticksCopy !req
990. one up his bum, I stick one
up mine and we drum sticks,Copy !req
991. and the first one
to fall out gets a Dirty Sanchez.Copy !req
992. Every man knows—
on a blind date,Copy !req
993. you always use
the best lube there is— a bit of spit.Copy !req
994. Go!Copy !req
995. It's a good fight!Copy !req
996. Shit!Copy !req
997. It's all right.
It's not that bad.Copy !req
998. Don't know what
you're whingeing about.Copy !req
999. Stop!Copy !req
1000. Smell bad!Copy !req
1001. The Japanese like their tea,
so I'm gonna brew them some up.Copy !req
1002. - Give it a swing now.
- Swing it.Copy !req
1003. I think
the kettle's boiled!Copy !req
1004. Daint! Dainton!Copy !req
1005. Dainton!
Fuck off, Dainton!Copy !req
1006. Right, now they're in
for a finale.Copy !req
1007. This stuff is
about to go down the pan.Copy !req
1008. Let the beer enema begin!Copy !req
1009. - Right, you ready?
- Ready.Copy !req
1010. Stop it! No more!
Don't do it.Copy !req
1011. - Stop it!
- Go on, Dan.Copy !req
1012. Right, boys.Copy !req
1013. Have you got
any more squirt in there?Copy !req
1014. No no no no! Ah!Copy !req
1015. You must come back
to Britain with usCopy !req
1016. and we'll do a show together
and party together.Copy !req
1017. No way!Copy !req
1018. Ta-ta, Daint.Copy !req
1019. - These Japanese wrestlers—
- They're hard as fuck.Copy !req
1020. - We're gonna take them out?
- What do Japanese wrestlers do?Copy !req
1021. Extreme
Japanese wrestlers.Copy !req
1022. Fight with glass
and barbed wire.Copy !req
1023. I know there's
one stunt they doCopy !req
1024. where they shove glass
into their fucking forehead like that.Copy !req
1025. No! No!Copy !req
1026. And I can tell you
which ones have had it done.Copy !req
1027. He's had it done,
he's had it doneCopy !req
1028. - and he's had it done.
- We're out here laughing—Copy !req
1029. like laughing and shit—
and when we walk through the door,Copy !req
1030. they're gonna be
in there just going...Copy !req
1031. He looks quite mild, that one.
He looks fucking harmless.Copy !req
1032. Check out
Mens there, though.Copy !req
1033. That's pain and pleasure.
That's his jizz face.Copy !req
1034. I was smiling like that last night
when I sat on the toiletCopy !req
1035. with this hot jet
of water spraying my cornhole.Copy !req
1036. Panch, I think
you're the closest oneCopy !req
1037. resembling one
of those wrestlers.Copy !req
1038. - I think they're gonna—
- I probably look like numerous onesCopy !req
1039. seeing as I look like fucking everyone
under the sun anyway.Copy !req
1040. You've looked like—
you've looked like—Copy !req
1041. you've looked like
the Incredible Hulk,Copy !req
1042. you've looked like
fucking Gorbachev...Copy !req
1043. "I want the U.S.S.R.
To continue the way it is."Copy !req
1044. and now you look
like every one of these on there.Copy !req
1045. All the baldies.Copy !req
1046. - Fucking Jesus Christ!
- That's fucking barbed wire.Copy !req
1047. - Hello.
- Oh my God.Copy !req
1048. I think we've got into
a bit of shit here, boys.Copy !req
1049. We've got our own costumes,
our own little funny costumes.Copy !req
1050. Yeah, we have.Copy !req
1051. Put our—
put our outfits on.Copy !req
1052. Watch it,
I'll knock you out, mate!Copy !req
1053. I got my—
I got my own—Copy !req
1054. whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
1055. Don't push—
don't push me in!Copy !req
1056. We was laughing earlier.Copy !req
1057. That's definitely
a nervous grin now.Copy !req
1058. He's pointing at me.Copy !req
1059. Ah! Ah!Copy !req
1060. Fucking hell!Copy !req
1061. Whoa whoa whoa!Copy !req
1062. Right, your fucking turn!Copy !req
1063. No no no.
No more.Copy !req
1064. - Oh! Look at that!
- That kick in the back is fucked.Copy !req
1065. Go on!
Get off me!Copy !req
1066. - Hey, you.
- Get in, get in, get in.Copy !req
1067. Oh, he's fucked.Copy !req
1068. He's pinned his dick!Copy !req
1069. - That looked fucking savage, that.
- Oh, it was horrible, man.Copy !req
1070. And they played
with your cock and all.Copy !req
1071. - They stretched it a bit, though.
- I know. I know.Copy !req
1072. There was
no thrill in that.Copy !req
1073. - Look at his tail.
- It's all in the tail, isn't it?Copy !req
1074. - Pigsy!
- Pigsy! Me monkey!Copy !req
1075. Look at them all!
Look at them all!Copy !req
1076. Right, let's go
get drunk, boys!Copy !req
1077. What are we doing inviting these boys
out on the piss with us in Japan?Copy !req
1078. - I don't know. Let's go.
- We're professional drinkers, though.Copy !req
1079. - Yeah.
- Time for some saki.Copy !req
1080. - Saki!
- Ah!Copy !req
1081. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
1082. The Japanese extreme wrestlers
have stripped us of our pride...Copy !req
1083. so we're gonna play
a good old, er—Copy !req
1084. a game that
we do back in Wales...Copy !req
1085. and we're gonna
flip the box.Copy !req
1086. Whichever end this lands on...
equals a forfeit.Copy !req
1087. - Good man.
- I reckon he's gonna get green.Copy !req
1088. - ( vocalizes tune )
- Ooh.Copy !req
1089. He's just picked the mallet
with the pins on it,Copy !req
1090. and he's chosen
to go for the shoulder.Copy !req
1091. And to tell you the truth,
I don't wanna fucking hit him,Copy !req
1092. because he's
bigger than me.Copy !req
1093. - Check out— check out the scars.
- And look at the scars.Copy !req
1094. Check out the scars
on this guy.Copy !req
1095. We thought we had
a lot of fucking scars.Copy !req
1096. And do you think
that's gonna do fuck all to him?Copy !req
1097. Three, two—
oh, I don't wanna do it!Copy !req
1098. - Come on.
- That hurt my pride.Copy !req
1099. - You want more?
- I don't — I don't like.Copy !req
1100. Eeny meeny miney moe...Copy !req
1101. ( whispers )
Please have the nasty one.Copy !req
1102. It's only the fucking staple
to the tongue, isn't it?Copy !req
1103. Stay stay, Pancho.
Stay stay.Copy !req
1104. It's in!Copy !req
1105. This is
my first time in Japan.Copy !req
1106. I don't even
like mustard,Copy !req
1107. so let's taste wasabi.Copy !req
1108. Because if
I don't like thisCopy !req
1109. and this is going
up Pritchard's nose, God forbid.Copy !req
1110. Let's have a taste.Copy !req
1111. Ooh, that's a selfish line.Copy !req
1112. I'm Welsh, Daniel,
I don't fuck around.Copy !req
1113. Oh Jesus.Copy !req
1114. Not only is it just wasabi,
it's mixed with saki.Copy !req
1115. Three, two, one,
in "Sanchez" style, goodbye!Copy !req
1116. ( all chanting )
Wasabi, wasabi, wasabi...Copy !req
1117. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.Copy !req
1118. Found it, boyo.Copy !req
1119. It's the one with the fucking ring
round it and the blade.Copy !req
1120. How you feeling?Copy !req
1121. The best way to—
to slice one's finger off—Copy !req
1122. one, two, three,
four, five.Copy !req
1123. Fucking hell, Panch!Copy !req
1124. Just like
the Yakuza do, baby!Copy !req
1125. Put that fucking hand
down now.Copy !req
1126. We're here.
Are you ready?Copy !req
1127. I'm fucking shitting myself.Copy !req
1128. Panch, how many fucking drinks
have you had tonight?Copy !req
1129. Look, I'll even do the piss test.Copy !req
1130. I'm gonna fucking get my pride back
by chopping my finger off.Copy !req
1131. Pritch, you're not gonna chop it off,
though— Pancho is.Copy !req
1132. - Pancho ain't fucking doing it.
- He fucking is.Copy !req
1133. - Fuck off, he's a fucking pisshead.
- Pritch, Pritch.Copy !req
1134. Whoa whoa whoa whoa!Copy !req
1135. - Whoa whoa!
- Felt like Dogtanian for a minute.Copy !req
1136. This is the tip of his finger, and this
is how far in we wanna go.Copy !req
1137. Right, here we go.Copy !req
1138. Pancho set the gauntlet.Copy !req
1139. Daint, he can't even fucking shoot
a gun fucking straight.Copy !req
1140. - I'll put my finger there, Jim.
- And I'm gonna go...Copy !req
1141. - Oh!
- If I manage to haveCopy !req
1142. my finger chopped off
by Pancho...Copy !req
1143. you have to stand in the middle
of a Japanese street singing karaokeCopy !req
1144. - with a song of my choice.
- Well, that's a deal, Pritch.Copy !req
1145. You're too pissed,
you're too fucking clumsy.Copy !req
1146. - You ain't fucking doing my finger.
- I'm fine.Copy !req
1147. - Look, Panch, you're not doing it.
- Joycey: How you gonna do it?Copy !req
1148. I chose myself
the cigar cutter.Copy !req
1149. - That's a very classy way of doing it.
- I'm a posh man, Daniel.Copy !req
1150. Well, to tell you the truth,Copy !req
1151. I'm fucking...
shitting myself.Copy !req
1152. - Panch.
- I don't even wanna look.Copy !req
1153. I didn't want to be affiliated
with this anyway.Copy !req
1154. - Well, he's bats. Use your reason.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1155. Are you sure, Pritch,
are you sure?Copy !req
1156. - Time to moan.
- Definite?Copy !req
1157. - I can't even look.
- Right. Are you ready?Copy !req
1158. - Go.
- Three, two, one.Copy !req
1159. Fuck a duck!
Motherfucker!Copy !req
1160. - Fucking hell, man.
- Yeah, it's fucking right off, boys.Copy !req
1161. Boys, I've fucking
regained my pride!Copy !req
1162. - Gaylord.
- Look at his cock!Copy !req
1163. Boys, I can see
the fucking bone.Copy !req
1164. - I can see the fucking bone.
- Fuck off!Copy !req
1165. - Fuck off!
- Oh, fuck. Fuck a duck!Copy !req
1166. Yeah, motherfucker!
I've regained my pride!Copy !req
1167. Who's fucking
pussy boy now?Copy !req
1168. I may have lost the fight,
but I've regained my pride.Copy !req
1169. - Look, it's still in the end there!
- Oh, fucking hell.Copy !req
1170. - Math, can I eat it?
- No no, don't fuck around!Copy !req
1171. - Eat it. Eat it.
- Can I eat it?Copy !req
1172. - No, don't fucking eat it!
- I wanted to—Copy !req
1173. No, you can't
fucking eat it!Copy !req
1174. - Eat it.
- No!Copy !req
1175. - Eat it!
- No, don't, don't!Copy !req
1176. Dan, don't fucking eat it!Copy !req
1177. - Go on, Dan!
- Don't eat it!Copy !req
1178. It tastes
fucking weird, man!Copy !req
1179. - Oh, you spat it out!
- Yeah, I couldn't do it, man.Copy !req
1180. It's all fleshy!Copy !req
1181. That's right, I'm pink.Copy !req
1182. And pink might mean pussy.Copy !req
1183. But this pink guy is
now a fucking superhero.Copy !req
1184. And this superhero is
called Pinky Dinky Dainty,Copy !req
1185. and he's gonna
fuck Pritchard's world.Copy !req
1186. Bring on Mexico, Pritch.Copy !req
1187. Today is the day
where we meet Myke Hawke.Copy !req
1188. He's gonna take us
into the desert,Copy !req
1189. and we're gonna spend two days
in this fucking soaring heat...Copy !req
1190. er, just living off the desert,
basically. And Myke Hawke...Copy !req
1191. is gonna teach us
how to fucking do it.Copy !req
1192. Like a bike.
Kick him, kick him over like a bike.Copy !req
1193. You don't kick
a bike over like that!Copy !req
1194. Where's the fucking Hawke?Copy !req
1195. - No, don't do that, man.
- Leave it there.Copy !req
1196. It's cursed.Copy !req
1197. It's like
you don't fucking goCopy !req
1198. and fuck with
Tutankhamen's tomb, do you?Copy !req
1199. Well, you just fisted
a fucking dead cow.Copy !req
1200. I'm fisting a cow!Copy !req
1201. Oh, that's a bit of love.Copy !req
1202. Oh my God.
What the fuck is that?Copy !req
1203. - Who the fuck is this?
- Is this Myke Hawke?Copy !req
1204. - All right, Myke?
- You miserable,Copy !req
1205. gluttonous... maggots.Copy !req
1206. You've been
feeding your faces...Copy !req
1207. - ( mariachi music plays )
- ( Joycey laughing )Copy !req
1208. You've been stuffing chow
down your pieholes...Copy !req
1209. throwing booze
down your throat.Copy !req
1210. And now you're gonna pay
for your sins.Copy !req
1211. - Oh, fuck.
- For your gluttony...Copy !req
1212. this is the reckoning.Copy !req
1213. And we're getting ready to get
downright primitive on your ass.Copy !req
1214. My name is Hawke...Copy !req
1215. and we're getting ready to have
what I call a come-to-Jesus party.Copy !req
1216. Look at that
fucking cock!Copy !req
1217. - What is that?
- You've got a big wart on yours.Copy !req
1218. - Daint.
- It's a dick, what do you think it is?Copy !req
1219. - You've been getting a bit of wind?
- No, there's no wind.Copy !req
1220. - That's how my dick is.
- That's a semi.Copy !req
1221. So, Hawke,
are you scared of anything?Copy !req
1222. To be quite honest— no.Copy !req
1223. I mean, the way
I look at it is...Copy !req
1224. everything that's alive can be killed.
And I'm pretty mean.Copy !req
1225. - Pritchard: Ever done dry bumming?
- Hawke: Dry bumming?Copy !req
1226. Okay, gents, now it's time
to do a little bit of hunting.Copy !req
1227. Okay, got a couple
of techniques for you.Copy !req
1228. One is a bola.Copy !req
1229. - Are you familiar with that?
- No.Copy !req
1230. - ( Joycey laughing )
- ( screams )Copy !req
1231. - My jones!
- Good old-fashioned slingshot.Copy !req
1232. Ready?Copy !req
1233. Now, the whole thing about
these little critters—Copy !req
1234. - they die easy.
- Hands out of the way!Copy !req
1235. Daint,
you're pulling back.Copy !req
1236. Bollocks!
You fucking try it!Copy !req
1237. So once you whack him,
go up there and stomp on his headCopy !req
1238. or club his head or something
to make sure you finish him off.Copy !req
1239. And then you gotta practice
a little bit with itCopy !req
1240. - so you get your aim down.
- Fat ass, are you ready?Copy !req
1241. - No, but carry on.
- That hit his plums!Copy !req
1242. That hit
his fucking plums!Copy !req
1243. You've smacked the plate
in my arm where my arm is broke.Copy !req
1244. How I fucking missed that ass,
I don't fucking know.Copy !req
1245. Lesson one:Copy !req
1246. Don't play with these.Copy !req
1247. All right, ladies—
it's that time.Copy !req
1248. That's a snake,
isn't it?Copy !req
1249. Hold out your hand
and receive your chow.Copy !req
1250. - Joycey: Oh, no!
- Dainton: Holy shit!Copy !req
1251. That's it.
You've got it.Copy !req
1252. I don't want it
going up my top.Copy !req
1253. Oh, man, I don't know
if I can do this.Copy !req
1254. - ( yelling )
- Just poke it—Copy !req
1255. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1256. He stung you?Copy !req
1257. - Oh, you can't do that!
- Hawke: There you go.Copy !req
1258. - Now cook it.
- Oh, you can't do it.Copy !req
1259. - Hawke: Cook it.
- I just have.Copy !req
1260. How the fuck
did Panch just do that, man?Copy !req
1261. - Fuck! Fucking hell!
- It's still alive.Copy !req
1262. - Oh, I'm starving.
- Put him back on the normal floor.Copy !req
1263. Oh my fucking God,
he's eating the fucking sting!Copy !req
1264. - Not much flavor to him...
- There you go.Copy !req
1265. - Just like that.
- ... but it's food,Copy !req
1266. and my stomach
is fucking loving it.Copy !req
1267. I can't believe
you fucking did that.Copy !req
1268. - I'm not doing that.
- I know what's coming to me,Copy !req
1269. - I think.
- You can't eat spiders though.Copy !req
1270. - Fuck.
- Oh my God! No no no!Copy !req
1271. Fucking no!
I'll fucking starve.Copy !req
1272. This is looking one
in the face—Copy !req
1273. that you're afraid of—
stabbing that fucker...Copy !req
1274. It will bite me.Copy !req
1275. and eating it.
No, he won't.Copy !req
1276. That's a big, bad,
furry bastard right there.Copy !req
1277. Whack him.Copy !req
1278. Get your knife ready.
Get your knife ready.Copy !req
1279. Oh! Daint!
Don't fuck around now!Copy !req
1280. I've got a fucking knife
in my hand!Copy !req
1281. I could easily
stab you and cook you!Copy !req
1282. Actually, that's —
I fucking almost span out.Copy !req
1283. - There it is.
- Fucking hell!Copy !req
1284. Put it on the fire.
Straight on the fire.Copy !req
1285. He's gonna cry.
He's gonna cry.Copy !req
1286. - He's in tears.
- What's the matter, Math?Copy !req
1287. - Joycey: What's the matter?
- Dainton: Oh, that's fucking wrong.Copy !req
1288. Just rip off a limb,
stuff it down your throat.Copy !req
1289. - There you go, you've done it.
- You're in, you're in.Copy !req
1290. - Chew chew chew.
- ( strained ) Oh, crikey.Copy !req
1291. - Way to lead.
- Cheers, Hawke, you fucking cunt.Copy !req
1292. I know you boys are hungry,
I know you've worked hard...Copy !req
1293. and I promised you
some Kentucky Fried Chicken.Copy !req
1294. So, I am from Kentucky...Copy !req
1295. this is a chicken
and you're gonna fry it.Copy !req
1296. Boys, I'm not doing this
for the fun of it.Copy !req
1297. - Well then, let's get on with it.
- Pritch.Copy !req
1298. - Most humane way, please. I'm starving.
- Dan?Copy !req
1299. - Yeah, no, I'm —
- He's watching.Copy !req
1300. If you're ready to do it
your way, that's cool.Copy !req
1301. - Dan, do you wanna do it?
- I wanna go for the machete.Copy !req
1302. That's the only way
I wanna do it,Copy !req
1303. because I don't like
touching fucking birds.Copy !req
1304. We've gotta fucking eat
something, boys.Copy !req
1305. We have to eat something.
He's gotta—Copy !req
1306. - Which way do you want me to kill him?
- Would you do the boot?Copy !req
1307. I'm not— I'm not—
I'm not doing it.Copy !req
1308. - I'm not even eating it.
- You're not eating it?Copy !req
1309. If I can't kill it,
I'm not eating it. No way.Copy !req
1310. - ( groans )
- Just pray for him,Copy !req
1311. send him to a happy place.Copy !req
1312. I think the only fact I couldn't eat itCopy !req
1313. is because
it's more domesticated.Copy !req
1314. It actually looks like
it's got feelings and stuff.Copy !req
1315. You look at a fucking
tarantula and a scorpion...Copy !req
1316. to me, they haven't
got feelings.Copy !req
1317. They're just this thing
that walks along the floorCopy !req
1318. and just looks horrible and ugly.Copy !req
1319. But a chicken looks nice—
it's feathery,Copy !req
1320. looks like it's got
a bit of personality.Copy !req
1321. - It's, you know—
- Dainton: Pritch, what do you want—Copy !req
1322. - leg or breast?
- Breast.Copy !req
1323. He's actually quite nice.Copy !req
1324. - Dainton: What's his name?
- Derek.Copy !req
1325. - Derek?
- Derek. Derek the chicken.Copy !req
1326. What we have here
is a very simple...Copy !req
1327. case of mind over matter.Copy !req
1328. I don't mind
and they don't matter.Copy !req
1329. - ( guys laugh )
- But seriously,Copy !req
1330. once they've walked
across the fire...Copy !req
1331. then they've paid their penance
for their sin of gluttonyCopy !req
1332. and they'll be free to relax
and enjoy themselvesCopy !req
1333. until go on their way
to their next mission.Copy !req
1334. Yes!Copy !req
1335. Ah! Eeh. Ooh.Copy !req
1336. - Whew.
- Joycey: How is it?Copy !req
1337. - Whoo!
- ( blues playing )Copy !req
1338. - That is some mean shit!
- ( Dainton laughs )Copy !req
1339. - Pritchard: Ready, boys?
- Pancho: Come on, Pritch.Copy !req
1340. Three, two, one.Copy !req
1341. Let's do it.Copy !req
1342. Hawke, have you enjoyed the time
you've spent with us?Copy !req
1343. - It's been better than masturbation.
- ( guys laughing )Copy !req
1344. - Oh, what?
- Oh, this is so fucking gay!Copy !req
1345. Are we ready
to leave the desert?Copy !req
1346. Almost.Copy !req
1347. You have
one more thing to do.Copy !req
1348. Oh, fuck off.Copy !req
1349. You've got one minuteCopy !req
1350. to crack all
the Myke Hawke jokes...Copy !req
1351. that you can.Copy !req
1352. I'm holding the head
of Myke Hawke.Copy !req
1353. That's enough.Copy !req
1354. Thank you very much.Copy !req
1355. Gentlemen, you've paid
your full penanceCopy !req
1356. for your sin
of gluttony...Copy !req
1357. and you are nowCopy !req
1358. - free to leave the desert.
- ( both cheer )Copy !req
1359. Party time, boys!Copy !req
1360. Right, simple. Dead easy.Copy !req
1361. Stuff as much of this
in your mouth as you can.Copy !req
1362. The person that takes the least amount
of money in their mouthCopy !req
1363. has gotta make a simple
phone call to their mom.Copy !req
1364. Yeah, but there's
a distinct disadvantage here.Copy !req
1365. I haven't played up
on the small-man thing.Copy !req
1366. You know, I've done fucking
all the stunts so far.Copy !req
1367. But look at my gob.Copy !req
1368. That's how far
I can open it.Copy !req
1369. The dentist has even told me
I've got a problem.Copy !req
1370. Go.Copy !req
1371. Oh God, he's being sick!
30 seconds, Panch.Copy !req
1372. 25 seconds, Pritch.Copy !req
1373. Oh, that's semi-cheating that is.Copy !req
1374. It'll make you heave.
( gags )Copy !req
1375. Fucking what?Copy !req
1376. Well that's fucking—
that's fucking unfair.Copy !req
1377. Who had the least amount
of money in their mouth?Copy !req
1378. - It's a fix, Daint.
- It's always a fix.Copy !req
1379. Well, you said
get your money in your mouth.Copy !req
1380. Everyone has
just gone like that.Copy !req
1381. No, because there was no rules,
just "put the money in your mouth."Copy !req
1382. Well make it
more clear next time.Copy !req
1383. Well, it's too late now,
you've lost.Copy !req
1384. Did you or did you
not say that the winnersCopy !req
1385. get to write
the loser's script?Copy !req
1386. - Yeah, I did, yeah.
- Dainton: Exactly. What are we doing?Copy !req
1387. We're writing
the loser's script.Copy !req
1388. Oh, no!Copy !req
1389. Joycey, don't be
too fucking sick, for fuck's sake.Copy !req
1390. Right.Copy !req
1391. Hiya, Mom.Copy !req
1392. How you doing?Copy !req
1393. Yeah, not bad. Just in
the Dominican Republic.Copy !req
1394. "Mom, from the moment
I was bornCopy !req
1395. I have been thinking
of returningCopy !req
1396. to that special
heavenly place,Copy !req
1397. those lips parting
across my faceCopy !req
1398. as you pushed me out...Copy !req
1399. of your heavenly
love hole.Copy !req
1400. I want— I want
to return where I belong.Copy !req
1401. I want to put my lipsCopy !req
1402. around your soft delicious
nipples once again."Copy !req
1403. - ( mother laughing )
- "The thoughts I haveCopy !req
1404. for you are uncontrollable.Copy !req
1405. L— I want—
I want—Copy !req
1406. I want
to dry bum you."Copy !req
1407. - Pritchard!
- Sorry I offended you.Copy !req
1408. Right, speak to you later.Copy !req
1409. - Ta-ta. Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta, love.Copy !req
1410. Wankers!Copy !req
1411. ( Joycey imitating pirate )
Let me tell you about the angry pirate.Copy !req
1412. Bird is giving you a blow-job,
she is, see. Enjoying it down there.Copy !req
1413. You're about to reach
the point of climax, about to cum,Copy !req
1414. so you pull your cock out of her mouth
and spunk in her eye.Copy !req
1415. And then she's
all sore in her eye.Copy !req
1416. You kick the little bird
in the shin, she hobbles aroundCopy !req
1417. - like an angry pirate.
- ( guys laughing )Copy !req
1418. Ladies and gentlemen,
we're gonna giveCopy !req
1419. the angry pirate a go.
We're gonna go with some rum.Copy !req
1420. Three, two, one.Copy !req
1421. Ar! Ar! Ar!
Fucking hell!Copy !req
1422. What the fuck is that?
Fucking acid!Copy !req
1423. Three, two, one.Copy !req
1424. Open your eye, open your eye!
Open your eye!Copy !req
1425. Open your eye! Open it!Copy !req
1426. - ( yelling )
- Shin! Shin!Copy !req
1427. Open up.
Open up.Copy !req
1428. - Oh my God, it's —
- You're not angry enough.Copy !req
1429. - You're not angry enough.
- Arr!Copy !req
1430. Pancho, last night
when you were asleep in the car,Copy !req
1431. we nicked your money
and spent it in a casino!Copy !req
1432. Right, over there
is a vehicle.Copy !req
1433. Who's inside it?
Well, someone is missing.Copy !req
1434. Is that a— is that
a bifta in your hand?Copy !req
1435. Get the fuck off.Copy !req
1436. I thought there's no way
I'd lost that money!Copy !req
1437. - It was in my shirt, wasn't it?
- We lost it!Copy !req
1438. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
1439. I've just found his money,
and I'm one greedy bastard.Copy !req
1440. I'm gonna spend it in a casino.
Ta-ta, Panch.Copy !req
1441. Right, Captain Panch.Copy !req
1442. Do you wanna win
that money back that we tookCopy !req
1443. - and stole from you our greedy selves?
- Fucking right, bud.Copy !req
1444. Pirates of Pain-zance,
let the pain begin!Copy !req
1445. - Go on, Panch, get that money.
- Go on, go on.Copy !req
1446. It's one of them, isn't it?Copy !req
1447. It's the anticipation.Copy !req
1448. I don't know if I can
go through with it.Copy !req
1449. Here we go.Copy !req
1450. Fucking stop it!Copy !req
1451. That got you going.Copy !req
1452. But he didn't take the money!Copy !req
1453. - He didn't get the money!
- It's impossible. Fuck off!Copy !req
1454. - That's mine!
- Your turn, Daint. What you having?Copy !req
1455. I've got a wicked plan up
my sleeve for you, Daint.Copy !req
1456. We get loads of money—
basically, on the bottomCopy !req
1457. there's gonna be
loads of pins— drawing pins—Copy !req
1458. and we're gonna put
the money on top of it.Copy !req
1459. You've gotta
put your hand on it,Copy !req
1460. and we're gonna smash
your hand down,Copy !req
1461. and you've gotta get
your money that way.Copy !req
1462. What— what about forehead?
Do it on the forehead again?Copy !req
1463. - Forehead?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1464. - Fuck right off!
- Three, two, one.Copy !req
1465. Fucking hell!Copy !req
1466. Oh my God,
look at that!Copy !req
1467. That's fucking graphic!Copy !req
1468. - Get a photo of that, man.
- Oh, Daint.Copy !req
1469. Fucking hell,
it's pulling out...Copy !req
1470. I'm willing to gamble
1,000 of this backCopy !req
1471. for you to take
a gob in the mouth.Copy !req
1472. - Oh, Daint.
- A gob in the mouth?Copy !req
1473. - No, it's fucking rank.
- Dainton: Come on.Copy !req
1474. - What do you mean?
- Spit in his mouth. He don't like spit.Copy !req
1475. He's got a phobia of spit.
Would you rather get run over by a carCopy !req
1476. - or someone spit in your mouth?
- Run over by a car.Copy !req
1477. Right, ready?Copy !req
1478. All in his mouth!Copy !req
1479. - He looks so green!
- ( gags )Copy !req
1480. - Man overboard!
- Quick, set the sails. Let's fuck off!Copy !req
1481. We're backstage in, er,Copy !req
1482. The Voodoo Lounge
in the Dominican RepublicCopy !req
1483. about to do a pain auction.
Pain equals money.Copy !req
1484. What do we like? Money.
What does it equal? Greed.Copy !req
1485. Are you guys readyCopy !req
1486. - for some fun tonight?
- ( cheering )Copy !req
1487. Come on!Copy !req
1488. Okay, we've got
lot number one.Copy !req
1489. This is
the fishing rod ear.Copy !req
1490. Stick it in there!Copy !req
1491. So do we have anyone who wants
to pay some money for that?Copy !req
1492. - ( man yells )
- I have a lady there.Copy !req
1493. Lady with the big tits.
Whoa, sold for 150.Copy !req
1494. - Go! Come on!
- ( yells )Copy !req
1495. Come on, pull it!Copy !req
1496. Pull!Copy !req
1497. Who wants to start the bid off?Copy !req
1498. 100 to see Panch get smashed
on the head with some pots.Copy !req
1499. Can we have 60? 80!Copy !req
1500. Shoeshine boy, 90!Copy !req
1501. Five, four, three,Copy !req
1502. two, one. Go!Copy !req
1503. That sex pest over there,
number five. Yes, 50.Copy !req
1504. Dainton, voodoo therapy,
stick it in there!Copy !req
1505. Whoa!
( yelling )Copy !req
1506. For 30. Can I see
that 30? Yes.Copy !req
1507. Five, four, three,Copy !req
1508. two, one!Copy !req
1509. - He's in fucking agony.
- It fucking kills!Copy !req
1510. Get it out!
It's fucking killing, you prick!Copy !req
1511. Ah! Ah!
No no no!Copy !req
1512. Stop it!
Fuck the cameras!Copy !req
1513. Get it fucking out.Copy !req
1514. ( all chant )
Pancho, Pancho, Pancho, Pancho.Copy !req
1515. Closed.
Sold for 150.Copy !req
1516. Let's get fucking bollixed!Copy !req
1517. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1518. you've been watching
"Dirty Sanchez - Live" !Copy !req
1519. Make some noise!Copy !req
1520. - ( rewinding )
- ( all screaming )Copy !req
1521. The Devil:
Boys, boys, boys...Copy !req
1522. that was really
some performance out there.Copy !req
1523. Tattooed penises,
dismemberment,Copy !req
1524. cannibalism—Copy !req
1525. you boys
really blaze a trail.Copy !req
1526. Do you have anything
to say for yourselves?Copy !req
1527. I have got
something to admit.Copy !req
1528. Pancho hasn't got
any eyebrows left.Copy !req
1529. No, that ain't — fuck.Copy !req
1530. - Better fucking not be.
- Gone.Copy !req
1531. Guys, knock
the fuck out now.Copy !req
1532. No, it is, isn't it?Copy !req
1533. I need a fucking wash.Copy !req
1534. Fuck it!Copy !req
1535. He obviously doesn't
want his life back.Copy !req
1536. I'm fucking serious, man.
That's fucking it.Copy !req
1537. Get that fucking thing
out of my face!Copy !req
1538. I'm fucking telling you—
fuck off!Copy !req
1539. - No no no no.
- Right!Copy !req
1540. The makeup people,
well, we told them,Copy !req
1541. "Tell Pancho his eyebrows
need sorting out."Copy !req
1542. And we put lmmac
on his eyebrows,Copy !req
1543. so his eyebrows
are falling out.Copy !req
1544. Right, gone.Copy !req
1545. You're fucking
happy now, are you?Copy !req
1546. He's probably got
all those wigs,Copy !req
1547. and he's trying to superglue
some eyebrows back on.Copy !req
1548. I'm likely to go and fucking
stab someone now.Copy !req
1549. Look at it.
I'm fucking telling you.Copy !req
1550. No, don't do that.Copy !req
1551. Fucking always
at my fucking expense, right?Copy !req
1552. Oh, fuck,
we've pushed it this time.Copy !req
1553. What did he say all the way
through the movie?Copy !req
1554. ( mimics )
"Do not fuck with my eyebrows!"Copy !req
1555. Panch, stick around.Copy !req
1556. Get the fuck away
from me.Copy !req
1557. Go on, Panch!Copy !req
1558. Here comes the trouble.Copy !req
1559. Hello.Copy !req
1560. "I love Dainton" ? No!Copy !req
1561. No. No way.
Is that real?Copy !req
1562. Yeah. I went through
absolute agony.Copy !req
1563. I'm not sitting
on that ever again.Copy !req
1564. Oh, Lis, I haven't had sex
for four weeks.Copy !req
1565. Never again.
No way. I don't care.Copy !req
1566. I'm not putting Dainton
in my mouth. No way.Copy !req
1567. Come on, fucking get
out the way!Copy !req
1568. Look at that bubble!
Look at that snot bubble!Copy !req
1569. Am I green
in the face?Copy !req
1570. - ( guys laughing )
- I am?Copy !req
1571. I've brought you
to this spaCopy !req
1572. for the ultimate
sports massage.Copy !req
1573. Well, it better
be proper special,Copy !req
1574. because I've got these
absolutely poxy pants.Copy !req
1575. Rock and roll!Copy !req
1576. Yes. He's done it!Copy !req
1577. Fuck me, man!Copy !req
1578. It's the only way
to warm up.Copy !req
1579. Guess— guess what
that little bad boy is.Copy !req
1580. That— that's —
that's frozen shit.Copy !req
1581. Oh, hello. A little penguin,
little frozen penguin.Copy !req
1582. It still stinks!
I didn't think it would smell.Copy !req
1583. Get off,
get off, get off!Copy !req
1584. That's Joycey's frozen—Copy !req
1585. oh, it's on my lens. Oh!Copy !req
1586. There's dots and there's
a lump of poop.Copy !req
1587. Pritch, you know
that tattoo on your leg?Copy !req
1588. "Sleep when you're dead"
in Russian, guys. Whoo!Copy !req
1589. - Daint, fuck off!
- It doesn't even say—Copy !req
1590. it doesn't even say
"Sleep when you're dead."Copy !req
1591. - What does it say now?
- "I love Johnny Knoxville."Copy !req