1. Poor Jacobson.
Copy !req
2. He took his stapler,
how pitiful is that.
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3. Still, you got to hand it to him...
He went for it.
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4. That was his big mistake.
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5. Always stay
in the middle of the pack.
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6. It's the frontrunners
who fall off the cliff.
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7. At least Jacobson made it up
on the seventh floor.
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8. It smells
like cabbage on this floor!
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9. That's the smell of dead dreams.
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10. I go to the clubs at night
and people are like,
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11. "Hey, who's wearing the coleslaw?"
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12. Do you know how hard it is to get laid
when you smell like coleslaw?
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13. NO! hard, but Still.
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14. He had a pretty sweet office.
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15. I wonder who's gonna get it?
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16. You wonder who's gonna
get his office?
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17. Jesus, Josh,
why don't you show a little class?
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18. The guy just got fired.
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19. - I'm gonna get that office.
- You'd better, Tim.
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20. You need that job. With that car
you're driving and that apartment,
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21. You're overextended.
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22. These opportunities
don't come along all the time.
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23. Right now, the window's open
and if you hesitate, bam!
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24. You're gonna be my assistant.
Assistant to an assistant.
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25. You can't go lower.
It's a shitty job, Tim.
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26. Do you think Julie's
gonna marry you then?
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27. Don't mess this up.
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28. - Good pep talk.
- All right. Go, team!
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29. The whole reason we bought
the plant was to shut the factory,
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30. shed the workforce
and sell the equipment.
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31. But now, it's all contaminated
with low-level radiation.
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32. Nobody wants to touch it.
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33. Americans are
so uptight about radiation.
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34. They are. But the Russians
are a little less particular
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35. about this sort of thing.
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36. I like it. Get two bids.
Drive up the price.
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37. - OK, that makes sense.
- On a different note, you'll notice
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38. that our colleague, Doug Jacobson,
has been relieved of his duties.
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39. Mr. Jacobson led us right to the edge,
playing around in the currency markets.
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40. As a consequence,
tomorrow morning, I want ten ideas
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41. to make up for his mistakes.
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42. - What are you doing?
- I have an idea.
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43. An analyst...
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44. has an idea.
OK, then.
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45. Nice knowing you, buddy.
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46. Sixth floor, stepping up. Nice!
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47. - Whoa!
- it's all right. It's dead.
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48. It's manufactured by Mueller Armaments,
from Zurich, Switzerland.
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49. It's a company that made
a fortune during World War I.
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50. Now they're sitting
on a bunch of bombs
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51. that even the worst armies
in the world don't want.
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52. All right,
so we cannibalize the company.
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53. Who's gonna buy the pieces?
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54. Oh, no, we're not gonna
strip this one down.
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55. Wow. Novelty lamps. Great idea.
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56. We could literally make
hundreds of dollars. Hundreds.
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57. Who cares about lamps?
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58. Martin Mueller does.
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59. When Martin isn't busy running
his family's business into the ground,
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60. he's either yachting
or buying art for his castle.
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61. The business is going under,
but his personal fortune is vast.
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62. Nearly half a billion.
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63. I heard he was in town,
so I sent a prototype over to his hotel.
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64. He loved the lamps.
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65. He wants to sit down.
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66. The lamps are really just a way
to get our foot in the door.
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67. We're gonna lose money on them.
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68. But we'll make millions
managing his personal portfolio.
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69. Mueller keeps his business.
We've got a brand-new client.
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70. - Everybody wins.
- Everybody wins. That's a new one.
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71. Caldwell, you want to lake
the lead on this?
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72. - Absolutely.
- I'll ride shotgun.
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73. Actually, I was hoping
I could take the lead.
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74. Oh...
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75. Uh, let me think... no.
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76. You should've quit
while you were ahead, buddy.
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77. You know what they say".
tallest tree gets chopped down first.
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78. - That went well.
- Mr. Conrad?
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79. Have you got a second?
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80. Come in!
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81. You can just set your
bombs by the door,
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82. You put on quite a show
in there. Sit down,
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83. Oh, that looks good on him,
right?
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84. Yep. Better than it did on Jacobson.
You're gonna need a nicer watch.
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85. Nicer watch, nicer suit.
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86. Hey, to the ballsiest guy
on the sixth floor, huh?
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87. Not gonna be
on the sixth floor for long.
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88. Does that mean
this is my new office?
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89. Not yet. No, I wan! to get
to know you a little better.
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90. I host a dinner once a month.
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91. - Next one's on Saturday.
- Great, OK.
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92. And it's top-secret.
You can't tell anyone.
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93. What are we talking
about here? Orgy?
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94. Is it a human sacrifice
of some kind?
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95. We're... collectors.
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96. I'll let the guys fill you in.
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97. Some people collect
vintage automobiles.
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98. Some people collect fine wines.
Fender collects people.
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99. - People?
- Yeah.
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100. Each of us Ends
a remarkable person
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101. and invites them
to dinner at Fender's.
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102. We call it the "Dinner for Winners. "
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103. Here's the guy
that I invited last year.
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104. There you go. Look at that.
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105. The guy designed that suit.
Real-life Iron Man.
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106. - He took first prize.
- He's an idiot.
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107. You got it.
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108. You invite idiots to dinner
and make fun of them?
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109. Mm-hmm.
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110. That's messed up.
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111. - I know, right?
- It's completely messed up.
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112. Al the end of the night, Fender picks
the best one, gives him a trophy
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113. and we release him
out in the wild, none the wiser.
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114. Yeah. No harm, no foul.
Hey, you're gonna do great.
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115. Just have a little subtlety
when you pick your guy.
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116. Fender's a connoisseur.
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117. Yeah. Hey, and no mimes.
It's a cliché.
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118. Jacobson brought a mime.
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119. Exactly. And you don't see
his shit here, anymore, do you?
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120. - Hey.
- Hey!
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121. Congratulations.
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122. So how did it go?
What happened today?
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123. Oh, I'll tell you later.
Look at this crowd!
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124. I know, it's amazing.
We actually sold every painting.
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125. That's incredible!
Oh, my God!
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126. Except that I did another on
of my name-fiasco thingies.
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127. Oh, God, What happened?
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128. The director of the San Francisco MoMA
is here.
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129. His name is Steve Doche.
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130. And I thought that it
was pronounced "Douche. "
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131. God. It's like the Ron Fuchs
episode all over again.
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132. It actually kind
of loosened things up.
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133. And, uh, he's giving Kieran a solo show,
and he wants me to curate it.
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134. Oh, my God!
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135. You know, that is so like you!
You call a guy a douche
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136. and get your first
museum show out of it.
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137. You're amazing. I love you so much.
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138. You're stunning and you're smart an
you're just awful with pronunciation.
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139. - Hey!
- I'm not Fuching around here.
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140. Marry me.
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141. I love you.
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142. I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.
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143. But remember when
you asked me before,
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144. and I said this is a big step,
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145. maybe we should
just wait a little bit?
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146. Yeah?
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147. - That was two days ago.
- I know. I know.
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148. I just need a little bit of time.
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149. All right.
I'll ask you in two hours.
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150. Let's go.
Copy !req
151. Wow, it's packed.
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152. So, where's the artiste?
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153. I always try and create
some tension in my work.
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154. Once a reviewer said
of a certain piece of mine,
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155. they said,
"I think that's disgusting. "
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156. I said, "Good!
I want it to disgust you. "
Copy !req
157. Sometimes I'll be working on a piece
and I'll think, "No, this is bullshit. "
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158. So I will literally rub bull excrement
on the piece as a meta... metaphor.
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159. Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
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160. Julie.
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161. Kieran, you remember Tim?
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162. - The stockbroker.
- No. No.
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163. I, uh, I work for a private equity firm
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164. that specializes in distressed assets.
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165. So kind of a stockbroker.
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166. Almost nothing like a stockbroker.
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167. Do you mind if I just call you
stockbroker?
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168. That's the way I remember people.
You're stockbroker Tim.
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169. Hey, so what do you think?
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170. Oh! Really... tremendous work.
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171. They're so big.
And you're in all of them.
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172. Come with me, Tim.
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173. - Enjoy.
- Mm-hmm.
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174. I have a little ranch...
I say little. It's absolutely massive
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175. if you actually measure it...
outside of town,
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176. where I go to disappear,
get away from this bullshit.
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177. One of my zebras was in labor.
It was a messy business.
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178. The foal was in breech.
At about the 22nd hour,
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179. I just said, "Stuff it. "
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180. And I just thrust my hand in,
turned the little guy around.
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181. - Wow.
- Do you have any idea what it's like,
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182. Tim, to be up to your elbow...
in a zebra's vagina?
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183. And feel life?
New life, fresh life.
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184. No, I don't.
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185. You should try it, Tim.
It's magical.
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186. Yeah, I'm OK.
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187. She let me keep the afterbirth
to create this piece.
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188. Oh, wow, that's disgusting.
I don't think I get it, Kieran.
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189. Poppycock. You've been
stockbroking too long, Tim.
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190. Oh, wow.
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191. What does it make you think of?
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192. I guess it kind of makes me, um...
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193. think of your penis.
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194. Then you get it.
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195. Julie gets it.
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196. Hi, I need you to talk
to a buyer. This way.
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197. See you in a bit.
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198. Do you know what it's like
Copy !req
199. to have your entire head
inside its anus?
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200. Julie? Poppycock.
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201. OK, so you're just completely
immune to his animal magnetism?
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202. He looks good in a pair of hooves.
What can I say?
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203. So, you gonna tell me
what happened today?
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204. I think I might've
gotten that promotion.
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205. Really? Oh, my God, that's amazing.
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206. - Well...
- When? When do you start?
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207. All right, well, it's not official yet.
It's not official.
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208. - There's this dinner.
- Good. When is it?
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209. - it's, uh, Saturday.
- OK. We can do that.
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210. No, it's not really
a girlfriend-type thing.
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211. It's really the guys
from the office.
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212. - And we have to bring a person.
- What do you mean, "a person?"
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213. A... person with a skill
or a talent of some kind.
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214. Are you talking about strippers, here?
'Cause I'm not...
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215. Oh, no, no.
Nothing like that. No.
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216. We have to, uh, bring an idiot
to dinner to make fun of them.
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217. - OK, that is messed up.
- I know,
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218. - I know.
- So you told them you're not going.
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219. Oh, yeah. No, absolutely.
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220. Tell Fender that
I can't make the dinner.
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221. Tell him that my back thing is acting up
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222. and I have to stay in bed
for a few days.
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223. Why don't I just tell him
you're having your period?
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224. Tim, I can't stay
on this floor anymore.
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225. These people are pathetic!
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226. Happy Birthday, Carol.
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227. Why can? you just suck it up,
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228. make fun of some idiots and
stop thinking about yourself for once?
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229. Susana, I know this is painful for you,
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230. but sometimes in life
you have to do the right thing.
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231. Just lie. It's not that hard.
I'm texting a lie right now!
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232. oh!
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233. Jesus Christ!
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234. Are you OK?
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235. Yeah, I'm OK.
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236. - Is that a Porsche?
- Yeah.
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237. Oh, wow. I have been hit
by a Datsun before.
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238. - Never a Porsche.
- Oh, man...
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239. - Barry Speck.
- Tim Conrad.
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240. Are you sure you're OK? I didn't
see you. What were you doing?
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241. Oh, well, I saw this little guy in
the street and was trying to save him.
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242. - Uh, I think I!'s dead.
- Yes, that's why he couldn't run away.
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243. A couple more seconds,
you would've squished him.
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244. Nice pelt, though.
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245. Ready?
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246. Uh, I hope those aren't
for your lawyer.
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247. No. I would rather
not have lawyers get involved.
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248. All right, I get it.
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249. You said you were fine, but...
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250. What would it take
to keep the lawyers out?
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251. Five.
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252. - Oh.
- Five dollars.
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253. I don't...
What do you mean?
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254. - Ten dollars.
- Seriously, what? Come on.
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255. How much do you want?
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256. - 100 dollars.
- I don't want anything.
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257. - 500 dollars.
- I don't... it's OK.
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258. - All right...
- As long as you're OK, then...
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259. Ten thousand!
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260. OK, I'll take
ten thousand dollars.
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261. I don't have ten thousand dollars.
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262. You know what?
Don'! worry about it.
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263. - Really?
- Yeah.
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264. As long as you're OK.
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265. - Oh, you're a good person.
- Nah, it's all right.
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266. - Oh...
- Get out of the road!
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267. - You are. You're a good person.
- Thank you.
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268. No, you are.
You're a really nice person.
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269. All right, well, as long as you're OK,
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270. - that's OK.
- Thanks. Thank you.
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271. Yeah. You take care.
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272. I won't forget this.
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273. - Oh, you dropped your...
- Oh, yeah. That's my latest series.
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274. I know. Mouseterpieoes.
Get it?
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275. - That's the Mona Lisa.
- That's the Mouse-a-Lisa.
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276. - Mouse-a-Lisa...
- There they are.
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277. Found her on the 405.
From here down, she was a mess,
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278. but the head, perfect.
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279. Oh, that's Cubism,
Not as easy as it looks.
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280. We!I, it doesn't look easy.
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281. I like her. I love the tail.
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282. - Check that out. You like them?
- I'm speechless.
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283. Mm. So is he.
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284. 'Cause he's screaming.
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285. I was stopping by the store today
to get some pelt wax and spine wire.
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286. You know, wanted to ill the guys in
on what I've been up to.
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287. Oh, hey, you know what? I have some
in the flesh. Want to see 'em?
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288. Where did they...?
Oh! Come here!
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289. Come here!
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290. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Don't look!
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291. OK...
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292. - All right...
- Can I look?
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293. Hold on, hold on, hold on...
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294. Go ahead.
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295. [Tim} Wow. Incredible.
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296. Does that guy look
sort of familiar?
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297. I'll give you a hint.
He wrote the Bible.
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298. - Is it Jesus?
- Yes!
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299. - You know your stuff!
- Amazing.
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300. Yeah. Well, it's a hobby.
I like to think that...
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301. I'm sort of giving them
a second chance, you know?
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302. In the words of John Lennon,
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303. "You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not"
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304. "The only one"
Copy !req
305. The only what?
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306. No, that's the lyric.
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307. "You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one"
Copy !req
308. Oh... OK, Tim.
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309. You know, Barry, this was a very
strange way to meet,
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310. but I think everything
happens for a reason.
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311. Whoa, whoa.
Did you make that up?
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312. - Yeah.
- Wow.
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313. "Everything happens
for a reason. " I like that.
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314. Thanks. Anyway, tomorrow night,
I'm having dinner with some friends.
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315. Are you? That's incredible.
Congratulations.
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316. I was wondering,
would you like to join us?
Copy !req
317. - You shitting me?
- No.
Copy !req
318. Say that your girlfriend
thinks meat is murder,
Copy !req
319. and she convinces you
to become a vegetarian.
Copy !req
320. Then one day, you're grilling up
a veggie burger, when all of a sudden,
Copy !req
321. a chicken comes up, plucks itself,
covers itself in barbecue sauce
Copy !req
322. and flings itself on the grill.
Copy !req
323. That's God
sending a message, right?
Copy !req
324. Yeah, that chicken wants to die.
Copy !req
325. No. God wants us
to move to the seventh floor.
Copy !req
326. And he sent his only son to tell me.
Copy !req
327. Come with me, my children,
to the seventh floor,
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328. Tim! I'd like you to meet
Mr. And Mrs. Mueller.
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329. Of course! What a pleasure
it is to meet you.
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330. Mr. Conrad!
You sent the lamp to my hotel.
Copy !req
331. - That's... yeah!
- I wished to meet you in person.
Copy !req
332. Yes, Tim was really helpful when
we came up with the idea for the lamps.
Copy !req
333. And we'd been discussing
personal investment as well.
Copy !req
334. That's a conversation I'm very much
looking forward to getting back to.
Copy !req
335. - Well, I'm glad we could do this.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
336. Congratulations on your new Matisse.
Copy !req
337. - it's beautiful.
- Oh!
Copy !req
338. My wife is a true collector.
It was quite a bidding war.
Copy !req
339. Well, to the victor go the spoils.
Copy !req
340. You know my family crest.
Our motto continues to inspire.
Copy !req
341. - Ad Victorem Spolias.
- Fantastic.
Copy !req
342. - Well, shall we?
- Ah.
Copy !req
343. Join us.
Copy !req
344. So you follow the art world,
Mr. Conrad?
Copy !req
345. I try to. My girlfriend runs
the Cronin Gallery downtown.
Copy !req
346. I would love to meet her.
We must have brunch tomorrow.
Copy !req
347. They can speak about beauty.
We can speak about business.
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348. Sounds perfect,
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349. I'll have my assistant
make the arrangements.
Copy !req
350. OK, what the hell just happened?
This guys supposed to be my client.
Copy !req
351. - You're still just an analyst...
- No, no, this is better.
Copy !req
352. I didn't know it was going
to be a double date.
Copy !req
353. Tim's the only one here who isn't
divorced or dating a hooker.
Copy !req
354. Wh...?
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355. This guy wants to invest $100 million,
Copy !req
356. Don't mess it up.
We need this.
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357. Well, the sixth floor steps up.
Copy !req
358. - Excuse me.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
359. Hey, rooting for you, buddy.
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360. Good luck.
Copy !req
361. My girlfriends not a hooker.
Copy !req
362. She tried to give me a BJ.
Copy !req
363. If she didn't ask for money,
then she's not a hooker, is she?
Copy !req
364. She asked me for money.
It wasn't that expensive, either.
Copy !req
365. I still had a ton of singles left over
from your sister's birthday party.
Copy !req
366. Hey, is Cinnamon a family name?
Copy !req
367. - Oh, hey, honey.
- Hey!
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368. Glad you're still here. Look,
don't make plans tomorrow morning.
Copy !req
369. Why?
Copy !req
370. How'd you like to have brunch
with a fascinating Swiss couple?
Copy !req
371. - OK.
- She's an art collector
Copy !req
372. and he's got a lot of money.
Copy !req
373. - I need you. This is huge.
- Oh, it's huge?
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374. - Mmm.
- Really huge.
Copy !req
375. - What's this?
- Huh?
Copy !req
376. What is this?
Copy !req
377. Oh, uh, that's a...
Copy !req
378. it's a mouse
dressed like Jesus.
Copy !req
379. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
380. This guy that I ran into today,
he makes them.
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381. He's amazing.
He's some kind of artisan.
Copy !req
382. Really?
Are you doing that dinner?
Copy !req
383. No.
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384. Wham? Hey, come on.
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385. No, not when you're lying to me.
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386. - Julie, Fender invited me.
- So?
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387. Fender, as in Fender Financial?
Copy !req
388. The you I know
would have just said no.
Copy !req
389. The me that you know did say no.
Copy !req
390. But the me you don't know
had to say yes.
Copy !req
391. - The you I don't know?
- Yes.
Copy !req
392. Look, there's you
and the me that you know.
Copy !req
393. And we love each other
and we have a wonderful life.
Copy !req
394. But then there's the me
that you don't know.
Copy !req
395. The me you don't know has
to do things sometimes so that you
Copy !req
396. and the me that you know can
live in this nice apartment,
Copy !req
397. and eat at nice restaurants
and go to Cabo for Christmas.
Copy !req
398. - He takes care of us.
- You know what?
Copy !req
399. There should not be
any you I don't know.
Copy !req
400. But there is.
You might not like him.
Copy !req
401. I don't like him.
I hate him! But we need him.
Copy !req
402. - It's like the CIA.
- The CIA?
Copy !req
403. Mm-hmm. The CIA does some pretty
funky, nasty stuff in the shadows,
Copy !req
404. but I, for one,
am glad they're there.
Copy !req
405. The CIA doesn't
invite people to dinner
Copy !req
406. - to make fun of them.
- No. The CIA kills people.
Copy !req
407. And I'm getting raked over the coals
because of a little dinner.
Copy !req
408. Can I just ask you something?
Copy !req
409. Is there any you I don't know
who isn't completely full of shit?
Copy !req
410. I'd love to talk to him right now.
Copy !req
411. Julie, come on. Julie!
Copy !req
412. Julie!
Copy !req
413. Julie, where are you going?
Copy !req
414. I... I have to go meet Kieran
and talk about San Francisco.
Copy !req
415. Julie, please come out
of the elevator.
Copy !req
416. All right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
417. I'll call him and tell him
that the dinner's off.
Copy !req
418. - I want to believe you.
- You can believe me.
Copy !req
419. I'll never see that guy in my life.
Copy !req
420. I promise.
Copy !req
421. Oh, my...
Let's talk later.
Copy !req
422. - In a few hours.
- What?
Copy !req
423. I think we need to cool off.
Copy !req
424. - Gosh, I hate when that happens.
- We'll talk in a bit, OK?
Copy !req
425. - Just give ourselves a moment...
- Ah!
Copy !req
426. I feel like I'm in The Shining.
Copy !req
427. Ow!
Copy !req
428. You are welcome.
Copy !req
429. Oh, God. My back, my back, my back.
Copy !req
430. Is it your back?
Copy !req
431. What the hell are you doing here?
Copy !req
432. Well, I went to the address
you gave me.
Copy !req
433. Nobody was there.
Copy !req
434. Are we having this dinner or not?
Copy !req
435. Ow...
OK, just... slow.
Copy !req
436. Shh...
Copy !req
437. Au right.
Copy !req
438. - What are you doing?
- I'm applying heat.
Copy !req
439. Barry, please stop doing that.
Copy !req
440. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- I'm gonna fix your back.
Copy !req
441. - Barry, stop!
- I am a trained taxidermist.
Copy !req
442. - And I am alive.
- Wow. You are tight.
Copy !req
443. - Oh, God!
- OK...
Copy !req
444. Wow, look at that face!
Copy !req
445. - Stop it!
- OK, all right.
Copy !req
446. I hope this doesn't mess up dinner.
Copy !req
447. We're not having dinner tonight.
Copy !req
448. - it's tomorrow,
- I don'! think so, Tim.
Copy !req
449. Barry, I made the plans.
Copy !req
450. I know when it is.
Copy !req
451. - I'm pretty sure it's tonight.
- it's not tonight.
Copy !req
452. OK. All right.
I guess one of us got confused.
Copy !req
453. Great. She left her phone here.
Copy !req
454. You know what they say:
everything happens for a reason.
Copy !req
455. - You said that.
- You know what, Barry?
Copy !req
456. I am really, really looking forward
to our dinner tomorrow night.
Copy !req
457. But right now,
I'd appreciate it if you just left.
Copy !req
458. And the reason is... '?
Copy !req
459. Because I got in a right
with my girlfriend,
Copy !req
460. and because I'd like to be here
alone when she comes back, OK?
Copy !req
461. What if she doesn't come back?
Copy !req
462. She's coming back.
Copy !req
463. Hey, we are gonna
get through this together.
Copy !req
464. I think I know someone
who might make you feel better.
Copy !req
465. Remember this guy from the street?
This is you.
Copy !req
466. Barry, that was a dead mouse in the road
Copy !req
467. a couple of hours ago.
Please get it away from my face.
Copy !req
468. It's like looking
in a mirror, isn't it?
Copy !req
469. You feel better?
Copy !req
470. - it's amazing.
- Are you cheered up?
Copy !req
471. Barry, I have
a back brace in my bedroom.
Copy !req
472. If you could just help me
get off this couch...
Copy !req
473. - Sure.
- I want to do this
Copy !req
474. very slowly and carefully.
Copy !req
475. - Mm-hmm.
- On the count of...
Copy !req
476. Three!
Copy !req
477. - All you.
- All right.
Copy !req
478. Now, I... If I could just...
Copy !req
479. You can do it. You got it!
Copy !req
480. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
481. Yeah, Tim!
Copy !req
482. - You got this! I'll help!
- No, no, no! I have it.
Copy !req
483. - All right.
- I'm good.
Copy !req
484. Tim, you look good!
Copy !req
485. What are you doing?
Copy !req
486. - What are you doing?
- Computer,
Copy !req
487. Oh, my God!
You gave her my address?
Copy !req
488. She's very concerned about you.
Copy !req
489. Barry, this woman is a nightmare.
Copy !req
490. She's been stalking me
for three years!
Copy !req
491. I slept with her one night,
biggest mistake of my life.
Copy !req
492. It was before I even met Julie.
Copy !req
493. - Why did you do that?
- Because it was New Years
Copy !req
494. and I was drunk and she was wearing
these fishnet stockings.
Copy !req
495. You want me to tell her not to come?
Copy !req
496. Go. Go.
Copy !req
497. Come to dinner tomorrow
and that's it. Let's go. Move!
Copy !req
498. Come on! Go, go!
Copy !req
499. Oh, my God, what have you done?
Copy !req
500. I'm gonna make it up to you.
Copy !req
501. OK!
Copy !req
502. OK!
Copy !req
503. Oh, well, well, well.
Copy !req
504. If it isn't little miss panty bottom.
Copy !req
505. - I'm sorry, who are you?
- I am a friend of Tim's.
Copy !req
506. - Yeah, I don't know you.
- Oh, you don't?
Copy !req
507. So you know everything about Tim?
Copy !req
508. You are the world's greatest
expert on all things Tim?
Copy !req
509. Did Tim invite you
to a dinner tomorrow night?
Copy !req
510. According to him,
it is tomorrow night, yes.
Copy !req
511. Right. You want my advice?
Copy !req
512. - Don't go.
- OK, may I give you some advice, too?
Copy !req
513. Do not wear fishnets on New Years Eve.
Copy !req
514. It's too cold. When the wind blows,
you gotta go with the hose.
Copy !req
515. You know what? I really need to...
Copy !req
516. Now, Darla, Darla, come on...
Copy !req
517. - Darla?
- Yes. He told me all about you.
Copy !req
518. Really? What did
Tim tell you about me?
Copy !req
519. Told me about the sex.
Copy !req
520. The Sex?
Copy !req
521. The dirty, dirty sex.
Copy !req
522. But he lives
with a woman named Julie
Copy !req
523. and if she comes home
and Ends you, that, that...
Copy !req
524. You can imagine
how she would feel.
Copy !req
525. Yeah, I imagine
she'd be pretty pissed off.
Copy !req
526. I gotta nip this in the bud.
You gotta move along.
Copy !req
527. You tell your friend, Tim,
he can, uh...
Copy !req
528. You tell him he can kiss my ass.
Copy !req
529. Oh, don't have to. We have a picture.
Copy !req
530. Problem solved. I intercepted
your stalker in the hallway.
Copy !req
531. - Darla showed up?
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
532. - And you got her to leave?
- Oh, I don't think
Copy !req
533. you're ever gonna see her again.
Copy !req
534. Wow! Who is that?
Copy !req
535. Kieran Vollard. He's an artist.
Copy !req
536. Very attractive man. He can it
a whole octopus in his mouth.
Copy !req
537. Sort of an animal magnetism
about him.
Copy !req
538. That's what Julie says.
Copy !req
539. "For Julie.
Thanks for everything. Kieran. "
Copy !req
540. Everything?
Copy !req
541. Yeah, she curated his show.
Copy !req
542. Hmm... Bet that's not all she curated.
Copy !req
543. I don't know what that means,
Barry.
Copy !req
544. Well, I don't know
what curated means.
Copy !req
545. Where is she?
Copy !req
546. Working.
Copy !req
547. Probably with Kieran.
Copy !req
548. Where? In his bed?
Copy !req
549. I seriously doubt they're
working in his bed.
Copy !req
550. Well, if they're not working,
why are they in his bed?
Copy !req
551. Oh, Tim, you need to call
Kieran's house and see if she's there.
Copy !req
552. I'm not doing that.
Copy !req
553. L!'s the only way
you're gonna know for sure.
Copy !req
554. - I'm not calling.
- I'm telling you...
Copy !req
555. No, I'm not gonna call Kieran and say
I don't know where Julie is.
Copy !req
556. - Do it. Do it.
- No. No.
Copy !req
557. - All right, I will.
- What reason could you possibly have
Copy !req
558. - for calling him?
- I want to make a movie about his life.
Copy !req
559. I want to make a documentary.
I gain his confidence
Copy !req
560. and then he starts feeling more
relaxed about talking to me.
Copy !req
561. He's really opening up to me.
Copy !req
562. We're talking about his
sex life and then...
Copy !req
563. Julie's name pops up
and we've got it on tape!
Copy !req
564. - Yeah.
- He's been curated!
Copy !req
565. Well, that sounds like
a bullet-proof plan.
Copy !req
566. What's his number?
Copy !req
567. - One-1-1... 1-1...
- Hold on.
Copy !req
568. OK. Go.
Copy !req
569. - One-1-1
- Mm-hmm. Got that.
Copy !req
570. - One-1
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
571. - One-1.
- OK.
Copy !req
572. He must've changed his number.
I'm just getting a weird sound.
Copy !req
573. Uh... Oh, well. We tried.
Copy !req
574. There he is. Kieran Vollard.
I got him.
Copy !req
575. Don't! Don't!
Copy !req
576. - I'm serious. Don't call him.
- it's ringing.
Copy !req
577. Hang up the phone.
Copy !req
578. Hang up the phone!
Copy !req
579. I'm gonna do an accent.
Copy !req
580. Don't do an accent.
Hang up the phone.
Copy !req
581. Hello?
Copy !req
582. Hello!
How are you?
Copy !req
583. This is Nigel!
Copy !req
584. I'm a documentary filmmaker
Copy !req
585. - from London," England.
- Hang up!
Copy !req
586. May I speak to Kieran Vollard,
please?
Copy !req
587. This is Kieran.
Copy !req
588. Ah, Kieran.
Copy !req
589. I want to make
a documentary about your life.
Copy !req
590. Start the water,
I'll be right in.
Copy !req
591. Yeah, I could do an interview
Copy !req
592. Smashing! Champagne wishes
and caviar dreams!
Copy !req
593. I will have my man-servant
Contact you with the details.
Copy !req
594. That sounded like Julie's laugh.
Copy !req
595. She might've been there!
Copy !req
596. - I'm going over there.
- No, Tim!
Copy !req
597. - Ow!
- You can't drive in this condition.
Copy !req
598. Clutch!
Copy !req
599. Oh, God, use the clu...
Copy !req
600. You can't just shift.
You need to use the clutch, Barry.
Copy !req
601. Oh, God,
Copy !req
602. OK, hold on. I'll get it.
Copy !req
603. No, no, no, no...
Copy !req
604. - OK.
- I got it.
Copy !req
605. Oh...
Copy !req
606. She's gotta be in there.
Copy !req
607. Just need to get her attention.
Copy !req
608. - Those were my car keys, weren't they?
- Uh-huh.
Copy !req
609. Oh, God.
Copy !req
610. Here we go. Let's do this thing.
Copy !req
611. Barry! Barry, just...
Copy !req
612. Just get the keys and come back!
Copy !req
613. Barry!
Copy !req
614. I am inside the apartment.
Copy !req
615. I know. I want you
out of the apartment.
Copy !req
616. Get the keys
and let's get out of here!
Copy !req
617. Oh, Tim, I wish you could see
this place! it's amazing!
Copy !req
618. I thought you had
a great apartment.. This...
Copy !req
619. This, my friend...
Oh, my God!
Copy !req
620. He's friends with Morgan Freeman.
Copy !req
621. Please get the hell out of there.
Copy !req
622. He's coming!
Copy !req
623. - Cat got the Tim mouse!
- Forget about the mouse!
Copy !req
624. Come on!
Copy !req
625. Get the keys
and get out of there!
Copy !req
626. Forget the mouse!
Copy !req
627. Thank you.
Copy !req
628. Hey! He's OK!
Copy !req
629. Hide! Hide!
Copy !req
630. Kieran, I'm ready.
Copy !req
631. Barry!
Copy !req
632. Mm] Barry]
Copy !req
633. Julie's here.
Copy !req
634. On, yes...
Copy !req
635. Sounds like
they're having intercourse.
Copy !req
636. Oh, fantastic,
Copy !req
637. I'm having trouble describing
what I'm looking at.
Copy !req
638. Fly, fly...
Copy !req
639. Yes! Primordial...
Copy !req
640. Hello.
Copy !req
641. - Who are you?
- Um...
Copy !req
642. Monique, Christina, this is Tim.
Copy !req
643. He's a stockbroker,
or something like that.
Copy !req
644. - Tim, can I help you?
- No, no, no. Sorry, I...
Copy !req
645. I'm Nigel Nigel!
Copy !req
646. - I'm here doing a documentary!
- You can stop that now, Barry.
Copy !req
647. My name's not Barry!
So, what have you done with Julie?
Copy !req
648. Tim... has Julie left you?
Copy !req
649. Oh, Tim. I was always very
attracted to Julie and I still am.
Copy !req
650. You must be broken.
She's a wonderful creature.
Copy !req
651. Stop...
Copy !req
652. I have to say, though, Tim,
I'm not surprised.
Copy !req
653. Really?
Copy !req
654. There's not a lot of monogamy
in the animal kingdom.
Copy !req
655. Not many animals mate for life.
Penguins do.
Copy !req
656. I've spent a lot of time with penguins,
and they're really cool.
Copy !req
657. And maybe you're a penguin,
Tim, but Julie's not a penguin.
Copy !req
658. She's a lioness. Don't try to mate
a lioness with a penguin.
Copy !req
659. Ever. Have you ever seen
a mammal and a bird mate?
Copy !req
660. I've never even heard of that.
Copy !req
661. Is that right?
You gonna try and tame her?
Copy !req
662. 'Cause I don't think you're her type.
Copy !req
663. Maybe. But I have something.
Copy !req
664. Something that women respond to.
Copy !req
665. That's true.
Julie and I have been saying that.
Copy !req
666. - Tim doesn't get it.
- He's right.
Copy !req
667. Listen to your friend.
Copy !req
668. Am I gonna make love
with Christina and Monique tonight?
Copy !req
669. Hell, yes! Guilty.
You caught me out. Yeah.
Copy !req
670. But only because
it's part of my process.
Copy !req
671. Your "process?"
Copy !req
672. There are two things
in this world.
Copy !req
673. Wonderful, visceral, sexy sex...
Copy !req
674. and death.
Copy !req
675. Horrible, boring death.
Copy !req
676. Now, I'm gonna go off and have
some sex with these girls.
Copy !req
677. Before I die.
Copy !req
678. - Go ahead.
- If you guys wanna join, that's cool.
Copy !req
679. But don't look at me in the eye.
It puts me off.
Copy !req
680. - What?
- OK, you're not into it. That's cool.
Copy !req
681. Good to see ya, Tim,
Thanks for visiting. Great to meet you.
Copy !req
682. I wanna grow a beard.
Copy !req
683. I know you're set on a documentary,
but hear me out...
Copy !req
684. Charlize Theron plays Julie.
Kieran plays himself.
Copy !req
685. I don't know.
It is something to think about.
Copy !req
686. Three, two, one...
Copy !req
687. Ow!
Copy !req
688. - Oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
689. Oh, my God!
How did you do that?
Copy !req
690. A human back and a rodent back
are eerily similar.
Copy !req
691. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Copy !req
692. Now, go.
Copy !req
693. - What about dinner?
- it's tomorrow, Barry.
Copy !req
694. Tomorrow.
Copy !req
695. That's interesting.
Copy !req
696. You say you're over Darla and yet you
have a picture of her in your apartment.
Copy !req
697. How does Julie feel about that?
Copy !req
698. That is Julie.
Copy !req
699. Hmm?
Copy !req
700. Barry, is that the woman
you talked to in the hallway?
Copy !req
701. Hmm...
Copy !req
702. Well...
Copy !req
703. She has the same face.
Copy !req
704. I'll get the door.
Copy !req
705. Where's Tim?
Copy !req
706. - Oh, God.
- Well, well.
Copy !req
707. You blew it with Julie.
Copy !req
708. Just like you blew it with me.
Copy !req
709. Poor Mme Timmy.
Copy !req
710. You missed your chance.
Copy !req
711. And you'll never have me again.
Copy !req
712. - Let's go.
- Oh! You're hurting me.
Copy !req
713. - I'm not," Oh, stop it.
- Owl
Copy !req
714. Please, stop hurting me.
Copy !req
715. - I'm not even touching you.
- Why do we keep doing this?
Copy !req
716. Huh? You know, some day,
I'm really gonna leave you.
Copy !req
717. Ugh...
Copy !req
718. All right, go, go!
Get out of my house, right now!
Copy !req
719. Ow! Ah! Ow!
Copy !req
720. - You're very cruel, Tim.
- Oh!
Copy !req
721. - Hello.
- Who's your friend?
Copy !req
722. Barry, his name's Barry.
Copy !req
723. Wanna watch while I screw
Barry's brains out?
Copy !req
724. I can honestly
say no to that one.
Copy !req
725. Oh, really?
Copy !req
726. So, do you guys wanna get pizza?
Copy !req
727. Wanna lick cheese
off my naked body?
Copy !req
728. Oh, I'm sure Tim has plates.
Copy !req
729. - Hello?
- Hey who's Darla?
Copy !req
730. I just met your friend earlier.
Copy !req
731. He told me some pretty
interesting things
Copy !req
732. - about this woman.
- What did he saw
Copy !req
733. Oh, I don? know. He spoke about...
Copy !req
734. Oh, wow, you're
like a friendly dog.
Copy !req
735. - ... talked about sex...
- What?
Copy !req
736. What exactly did he say?
Copy !req
737. Can you just tell me?
Are you cheating on me?
Copy !req
738. It's not a difficult question to answer!
Copy !req
739. - Hello? Are you cheating on me?
- She put it in her pants.
Copy !req
740. Tim! I don't know why it's
so hard for you to answer..
Copy !req
741. Julie! You're crazy to think
that I'm cheating on you!
Copy !req
742. That's insane!
Where are you? Where are you?
Copy !req
743. - Julie!
- Oh, I think I hung up.
Copy !req
744. You have no right! Ow!
Copy !req
745. No right? Huh?
Barry, we're gonna be a while.
Copy !req
746. - You're a crazy person.
- All right, I'll be here.
Copy !req
747. Hey, Tim?
Tim?
Copy !req
748. - Tim?
- Oh, God...
Copy !req
749. Tim? Timmy Tim?
Copy !req
750. What do you say?
Should we drive him crazy, huh?
Copy !req
751. OK!
Copy !req
752. I'm a naughty little schoolgirl!
Copy !req
753. You look a little old
to be a schoolgirl.
Copy !req
754. I need to be punished.
Copy !req
755. Hey, Naomi, how you doing? It's Tim.
Copy !req
756. I'm wondering if you've
heard from Julie.
Copy !req
757. Don't you wanna
be my schoolteacher?
Copy !req
758. I'm really not qualified.
I work for the IRS.
Copy !req
759. - No, no, no...
- Not tonight.
Copy !req
760. - No, all the time. I work...
- OK, OK.
Copy !req
761. You work for the IRS
and I have been very...
Copy !req
762. very bad.
Copy !req
763. Have you heard from Julie, by chance?
Copy !req
764. - No?
- ... and I need to be spanked! Now!
Copy !req
765. Well, that's really
not the way it works.
Copy !req
766. You probably just have to pay
the difference, plus interest.
Copy !req
767. OK, I...
Copy !req
768. - I need you to spank me real hard.
- I'm looking for Julie.
Copy !req
769. Spank me hard, Barry!
Copy !req
770. - Barry!
- Uh, no, no. That's the TV.
Copy !req
771. Ow!
Copy !req
772. Ow!
Copy !req
773. Oh, yeah! Oh, Barry!
Copy !req
774. Ooh, yeah! Oh, Barry!
Copy !req
775. Oh, Barry!
Copy !req
776. If she gets in touch with you,
please tell her to call me.
Copy !req
777. It's an emergency.
Copy !req
778. You're like some crazy animal
all over...
Copy !req
779. I wanna be a penguin!
Copy !req
780. - I like to eat penguins.
- Hope you don't catch me.
Copy !req
781. Penguins are very slow.
Copy !req
782. Except I'm Turbo Penguin!
Copy !req
783. - Come here.
- Come on.
Copy !req
784. - I'm gonna catch you.
- You can't get me.
Copy !req
785. Did you hurt your knee?
Copy !req
786. Barry, that's funny,
You are a bad little penguin.
Copy !req
787. Don't get me!
Copy !req
788. Come here!
Copy !req
789. Oh!
Copy !req
790. Ooh...
Copy !req
791. Oh! Ooh...
Copy !req
792. - You're gonna die.
- No, I'm not.
Copy !req
793. Oh, God,
Copy !req
794. - God!
- Uh-oh.
Copy !req
795. Barry?
Copy !req
796. Tim?
Call me! OK?
Copy !req
797. This was so much fun!
I love you!
Copy !req
798. Forever!
Copy !req
799. And ever...
Copy !req
800. Barry!
Copy !req
801. Barry.
Copy !req
802. Works every time.
Copy !req
803. If you are attacked,
you should always play dead.
Copy !req
804. People don't want to punch
something that's dead.
Copy !req
805. - it's instinctual.
- She's gone?
Copy !req
806. Yes, she is.
Copy !req
807. - Oh, my God.
- Yeah, we had a little bit of a ruckus.
Copy !req
808. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
809. That your phone?
Copy !req
810. Julie's.
Copy !req
811. Kieran.
Copy !req
812. Hey, listen,
when you get up there,
Copy !req
813. let the horse into the pasture.
Copy !req
814. She loves to run around
in the grass.
Copy !req
815. Grab a bottle of wine,
make yourself a fire,
Copy !req
816. stay as long as you want.
This is gonna be good for you.
Copy !req
817. - She's going to his ranch.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
818. - That's code.
- What?
Copy !req
819. It's code, Tim.
You should watch Law & Order:
Copy !req
820. Horse is heroin.
Copy !req
821. Grass... marijuana.
Copy !req
822. The horse likes
to run around on the grass.
Copy !req
823. The heroin likes
to run around on the marijuana.
Copy !req
824. Wine. Alcohol.
Copy !req
825. Like beer. Or wine.
Copy !req
826. Oh, man, they are planning
one hell of a party.
Copy !req
827. It's gonna be wild up there.
Copy !req
828. I think that you need to get out
of my house in the next... 30 seconds,
Copy !req
829. before I beat you to death
with the chair that you're sitting in.
Copy !req
830. - What?
- You have to go. I want you to go.
Copy !req
831. Who's gonna help you with Julie?
Copy !req
832. Who's gonna help me with Julie? You
didn't really just say that, did you?
Copy !req
833. Because of you,
Julie thinks I'm having an affair
Copy !req
834. and she's on her way to Kieran's ranch!
Whatever you do,
Copy !req
835. - don't help me with Julie!
- Whoa! Whoa!
Copy !req
836. We should go there and we should
explain the whole mix-up.
Copy !req
837. I don't know where it is. It's unlisted!
He goes there to disappear!
Copy !req
838. Please, please, I'm begging you!
Go, leave, go!
Copy !req
839. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
840. I'm sorry, Tim.
Copy !req
841. Wait. Tim, Tim!
Copy !req
842. I work at the Canoga
Processing Center.
Copy !req
843. It's only the second-largest IRS
processing center on the West Coast.
Copy !req
844. And you're telling
me this now because...?
Copy !req
845. If Kieran has a ranch, we can End
the address from his tax return.
Copy !req
846. And if he's up there sleeping with
Julie, that's not business-related.
Copy !req
847. He can't deduct that.
Copy !req
848. You can get me his tax returns?
Copy !req
849. No.
Copy !req
850. But I know somebody who can.
Copy !req
851. There it is. The mother ship.
Copy !req
852. - It looks deserted.
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
853. He's in there. My boss never sleeps.
Copy !req
854. Be careful around this guy.
Copy !req
855. - He can tell what you're thinking.
- What are you talking about?
Copy !req
856. Don't look him in the eye. Don'!
think any embarrassing thoughts.
Copy !req
857. Just keep your mind blank.
Copy !req
858. Therman? I'd like you to meet
a friend of mine, Tim Conrad.
Copy !req
859. Uh... Hi.
Copy !req
860. I could use some help and Barry says
you're just the man for the job.
Copy !req
861. Have 3 Seat.
Copy !req
862. I did an audit
on a Steven Conrad two years ago.
Copy !req
863. Any relation?
Copy !req
864. - Where does he live?
- Bayside State Prison.
Copy !req
865. - He's doing seven years.
- Oh.
Copy !req
866. Are you hiding something,
Mr. Conrad?
Copy !req
867. What is it that you do for a living?
Copy !req
868. Don't ask.
He makes money.
Copy !req
869. Nobody knows where
it comes from, though.
Copy !req
870. Shall we take a look
at his return, Barry?
Copy !req
871. Mm.
Copy !req
872. Guys, I think we're
getting a little off track here.
Copy !req
873. - I'm in a bit of a rush.
- That's him.
Copy !req
874. Gu... Bar... Guys, I don't
have much time, so...
Copy !req
875. Mr. Conrad...
Copy !req
876. Men lie to me
a thousand times a day.
Copy !req
877. And my job... is to ind the truth.
Copy !req
878. - Right, Barry?
- Mm.
Copy !req
879. I've studied the human mind.
Copy !req
880. I've learned how to read it
and ultimately control it.
Copy !req
881. This is fascinating,
I can't wait to read it.
Copy !req
882. It's $14.99 on my website,
Copy !req
883. - OK.
- Plus shipping and handling.
Copy !req
884. Even if I buy it here?
Copy !req
885. It's shipped from somewhere else,
isn't it?
Copy !req
886. And I've been handling it.
Copy !req
887. Uh, could you just tell
Therman why we're here?
Copy !req
888. We are looking for an address
of a nondeductible vacation property.
Copy !req
889. You're looking for someone
or some thing.
Copy !req
890. That's exactly right.
Tim is looking for his girlfriend.
Copy !req
891. She ran off with an artist.
They are probably sleeping together.
Copy !req
892. - Oh, God...
- Your girlfriend has left you.
Copy !req
893. - Tim, he can see right through you.
- You also just told him that.
Copy !req
894. Are you still skeptical, Mr, Conrad?
Copy !req
895. Watch this. Barry...
Copy !req
896. What is he doing?
Copy !req
897. He's making me do something.
What is he making me do?
Copy !req
898. You're not doing anything, Barry.
Copy !req
899. That's right, Barry.
You're not doing anything.
Copy !req
900. I'm not doing anything.
Copy !req
901. I'm paralyzed. Oh, God.
Copy !req
902. God can't hear you, Barry.
Copy !req
903. - Tim?
- Tim can't hear you, Barry.
Copy !req
904. - No, actually, I can hear him.
- My body's a prison.
Copy !req
905. Oh! This is so painful.
Copy !req
906. I can't move, Tim.
Copy !req
907. Tim, help me. Help me, Tim.
Copy !req
908. All right, you know what, Barry?
Just move. You can do it. Just move.
Copy !req
909. I release you.
Copy !req
910. Wow. OK, I will never take
movement for granted, ever again.
Copy !req
911. Well, I was wrong. Apparently,
his brain really is your puppet.
Copy !req
912. I need an address.
Copy !req
913. - Can you help me, please?
- Perhaps. For a price.
Copy !req
914. - How much?
- I just need to hear Barry say,
Copy !req
915. "You can eat my pudding. "
Copy !req
916. Uh-uh. No.
Copy !req
917. Barry, I can make you say it.
Copy !req
918. But with your own free will, say,
"You can eat my pudding. "
Copy !req
919. I'm not gonna say it.
Copy !req
920. Barry, I'm gonna eat it, anyway!
Copy !req
921. But I want you to say,
"You can eat my pudding!"
Copy !req
922. Barry, I will give you a thousand
dollars if you say it, right now.
Copy !req
923. A thousand dollars?
Copy !req
924. Barry, your friend is a high roller.
Copy !req
925. - You are hiding something.
- Wait a minute. No, wait...
Copy !req
926. Um, uh... Can we just stick
to the issue at hand?
Copy !req
927. Oh... You almost had me.
Copy !req
928. But you cannot declare
offshore investment losses
Copy !req
929. against future capital gains.
Any child knows that.
Copy !req
930. I'll have to ask
my accountant about that.
Copy !req
931. Uh...
Copy !req
932. Mr. Conrad...
Copy !req
933. you, my friend, are being audited.
Copy !req
934. NO, HO, HO.
Copy !req
935. Call the 800 number.
Copy !req
936. I release you.
Copy !req
937. Hey, Tim?
Copy !req
938. I guess you just have to remember
what the wise man once said...
Copy !req
939. "Everything happens
for a reason. "
Copy !req
940. - You know who said that?
- Shut up, Barry.
Copy !req
941. - You did. You're the wise man.
- Don't talk.
Copy !req
942. Don't say a word.
Don't move your lips.
Copy !req
943. Oh, my God. It's Martha.
Copy !req
944. It's my ex-wife.
Copy !req
945. There's my magic man.
Copy !req
946. - Look at you. OK,
- Get in the car, Pudding.
Copy !req
947. I used to call her Pudding.
Copy !req
948. Look, why don't we just each
go home, we'll get some sleep,
Copy !req
949. and I'll see you tomorrow
at the dinner.
Copy !req
950. OK. Oh...
Copy !req
951. I think I left
my bus pass at your apartment.
Copy !req
952. - I'll drive you home.
- OK.
Copy !req
953. Oh! I left my keys
at your apartment, too.
Copy !req
954. That's OK. You know what?
I'll just sleep here. I have a cubicle.
Copy !req
955. - I can pull two chairs together.
- it's all right.
Copy !req
956. - Get in the car.
- I can fashion them into a bed.
Copy !req
957. They... Well, they sort of roll
apart in the middle, so...
Copy !req
958. - Barry, Barry...
- ... you sag,
Copy !req
959. - You can stay with me.
- Don't worry about me.
Copy !req
960. - I insist.
- Really?
Copy !req
961. - Yeah.
- I won't cramp your style?
Copy !req
962. - it's already cramped.
- OK.
Copy !req
963. Wow.
Copy !req
964. - What are you doing?
- You're gonna propose to her?
Copy !req
965. I have, a few times.
Copy !req
966. - Why do you carry this around?
- In case she changes her mind.
Copy !req
967. - Please don't go through my pockets.
- OK.
Copy !req
968. Hey, Tim?
Copy !req
969. The first night alone is always the hardest
Copy !req
970. I can sleep in there
with you if you want.
Copy !req
971. No, thank you.
Copy !req
972. Hey, just don't think about
the fact you can't sleep.
Copy !req
973. Because then you're sunk. Then you just
start thinking, "Wow, what's going on?"
Copy !req
974. Your mind starts reeling.
Copy !req
975. "Where's Julie?
Oh, she's with Kieran. "
Copy !req
976. "Is he a better lover than I am?
Yes, he is. "
Copy !req
977. Don't think about that.
Copy !req
978. Gel those thoughts
out of your head.
Copy !req
979. - Why are you putting on aftershave?
- Oh, force of habit.
Copy !req
980. When I was married, I used to stay up
late working on my mice,
Copy !req
981. and Martha hated
the smell of formaldehyde.
Copy !req
982. You can smell them both, Barry.
Copy !req
983. Two layers of bad smell.
Copy !req
984. That's exactly
what Martha used to say.
Copy !req
985. Good night.
Copy !req
986. Tim?
Copy !req
987. - Tim?
- What, Barry?
Copy !req
988. I can't sleep.
I'm too excited about dinner.
Copy !req
989. - Oh, God!
- What are you gonna wear?
Copy !req
990. Should I rent a tux?
Or is that too formal?
Copy !req
991. Here's the thing:
Copy !req
992. It's always better to be overdressed
than under dressed, right?
Copy !req
993. Thanks, Tim! That's great!
Copy !req
994. Oh, he ate it!
He's eating paper!
Copy !req
995. No...
Copy !req
996. I'll be back in a few hours.
Copy !req
997. Don't play with the stove.
Copy !req
998. Don't do anything with electricity.
Copy !req
999. Do you understand?
Copy !req
1000. Sometimes I think
you think I'm an idiot.
Copy !req
1001. Just stay in the chair.
Promise me.
Copy !req
1002. I will. I will stay in the chair.
Why is this brunch so important?
Copy !req
1003. Because the future of my career
depends on it.
Copy !req
1004. It's a very important potential client.
Copy !req
1005. I can help.
Copy !req
1006. You want to help me?
Stay in the chair.
Copy !req
1007. OK.
Copy !req
1008. I'll pick you up for dinner.
All right?
Copy !req
1009. - You gonna stay in that chair?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1010. That's it.
Copy !req
1011. Hello?
Copy !req
1012. You got everything
you need for brunch?
Copy !req
1013. - Uh-huh.
- OK, you got me working Saturday,
Copy !req
1014. so I'm billing you overtime for this.
Copy !req
1015. You're going
to Madison Restaurant, 10am.
Copy !req
1016. Don't be late. They're Swiss.
Copy !req
1017. And make sure Julie's there.
Copy !req
1018. - They're dying to meet her.
- OK, Julie'll be there.
Copy !req
1019. Tim?
Copy !req
1020. Tim!
Copy !req
1021. Tim?
Copy !req
1022. Tim? Tim!
Copy !req
1023. Tim!
Copy !req
1024. Hi, Tim?
We switched phones.
Copy !req
1025. I need to talk to you. Julie has
to go to that brunch! OK,
Copy !req
1026. Oh!
Copy !req
1027. Hi, Tim, me again. I just realized
you can't get my messages.
Copy !req
1028. My password is
P- A-S-S-W-O-R-D.
Copy !req
1029. OK.
Copy !req
1030. Oh, God!
Copy !req
1031. You can'! get that message, either!
Why am I...?
Copy !req
1032. - This way, sir.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1033. We feared that some
disaster had befallen you.
Copy !req
1034. - I'm so sorry I'm late.
- And where is...?
Copy !req
1035. Julie sends her regrets.
She dropped a box on her foot
Copy !req
1036. and broke a distal phalange.
Copy !req
1037. Please wish her a swift recovery.
Copy !req
1038. I had hoped for another woman
to lend some poetry.
Copy !req
1039. I understood from my husband
Copy !req
1040. I would not have to suffer
another business conversation.
Copy !req
1041. What was it Baudelaire said?
Copy !req
1042. "Misunderstanding makes
the world go 'round. "
Copy !req
1043. I see we will have poetry after all.
Copy !req
1044. It is rare to find an American
businessman with a sense of culture.
Copy !req
1045. Mm.
Copy !req
1046. Tim! It's me again! Barry!
Disregard all previous messages!
Copy !req
1047. I figured it out!
Help is on the way! Bye!
Copy !req
1048. Obviously, many
of the strategies are complex.
Copy !req
1049. - I imagine you have several questions.
- I am a simple man, Mr. Conrad.
Copy !req
1050. My father left me with very little,
except for all of his money.
Copy !req
1051. The world is full of people
who want to separate me from it.
Copy !req
1052. Why should I trust you
with $100 million?
Copy !req
1053. A very fair question.
Copy !req
1054. Now, you're obviously
very civilized people.
Copy !req
1055. But unfortunately, the world
of finance is a brutal place.
Copy !req
1056. The good hunters win.
The bad hunters lose.
Copy !req
1057. I am a very good hunter.
Copy !req
1058. You are refreshingly honest,
Mr. Conrad.
Copy !req
1059. I try to be.
I hope we can do business together.
Copy !req
1060. A call for you, sir.
Copy !req
1061. I'm so sorry.
Excuse me. Hello?
Copy !req
1062. I got your back, Tim.
Can you hear me?
Copy !req
1063. - Hello?
- Hello!
Copy !req
1064. - Hello? Hello?
- Hello?
Copy !req
1065. Hello. Hello.
Copy !req
1066. Hello. My name is Tim's brother,
Barry, and this is Julie.
Copy !req
1067. Tim, look. I brought Julie.
Copy !req
1068. Hi, my love.
Oh, I have missed you so.
Copy !req
1069. Um, you...
Copy !req
1070. You know... Your phalange.
You shouldn't be here.
Copy !req
1071. Nonsense,
She is the picture of health.
Copy !req
1072. Please, sit. Sit. Sit.
Copy !req
1073. Thank you.
Copy !req
1074. - Birgit Mueller.
- Such a pleasure.
Copy !req
1075. - Martin Mueller, delighted.
- Such a pleasure.
Copy !req
1076. And I am Barry. Delightful.
Copy !req
1077. I am so pleased you could join us.
I always say you do not know a man
Copy !req
1078. until you meet his partner in love.
Copy !req
1079. I couldn't agree more. I would love
to go over some of these main points.
Copy !req
1080. - Where are you from'?
- We are from Switzerland.
Copy !req
1081. - We're gonna focus on business.
- Switzerland! I love Switzerland.
Copy !req
1082. It is one of my favorite countries.
Copy !req
1083. I love your army knives,
with the toothpicks.
Copy !req
1084. And your cheese. Does the cheese
come out of the cow with the holes?
Copy !req
1085. Our countries are not enemies.
They are friends.
Copy !req
1086. - We are friends,
- You have been to Switzerland?
Copy !req
1087. No, bull have a friend
who drives a Volvo.
Copy !req
1088. And I speak a little of your language.
Copy !req
1089. That's my brother.
Always joking.
Copy !req
1090. Oh! It's a jokey joke, ja?
Copy !req
1091. Uh, you know, we should, uh, continue
this conversation back in my office.
Copy !req
1092. But I have not received my salmon.
Copy !req
1093. Or my green salad.
Copy !req
1094. So...
Copy !req
1095. do you and Julie have
wedding bells in your future?
Copy !req
1096. That's kind of a sore topic. He keeps
asking her, but she keeps saying no.
Copy !req
1097. Ask me again.
Copy !req
1098. No, it's not the right time.
Copy !req
1099. If a woman asks you to propose,
it is the right time.
Copy !req
1100. Really, I can't.
Copy !req
1101. - Why not?
- Do it. Do it!
Copy !req
1102. - I don't have a ring.
- Yeah, you do.
Copy !req
1103. - No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do, it's in your pocket.
Copy !req
1104. - Come on, You know you have it.
- Barry...
Copy !req
1105. - Told ya.
- Ah.
Copy !req
1106. You are a hunter, Mr. Conrad.
Copy !req
1107. There is nothing more
honorable than for a man
Copy !req
1108. to join himself to his lady love.
Copy !req
1109. Join yourself to her,
in the name of love.
Copy !req
1110. Join yourself
in the name of love.
Copy !req
1111. You must kneel, Mr. Conrad.
She is a princess.
Copy !req
1112. Thank you.
Copy !req
1113. Something's happening!
Copy !req
1114. - Julie...
- Call me Darla.
Copy !req
1115. - Oh, I don't want to call you Darla.
- Julie's just a nickname.
Copy !req
1116. - I want it to be real.
- Look into her eyes.
Copy !req
1117. Look, look.
Copy !req
1118. There is your home.
There is your future.
Copy !req
1119. I love you, Tim.
Copy !req
1120. Do it, do it, do it.
Copy !req
1121. Do it...!
Copy !req
1122. - Julie.
- Darla.
Copy !req
1123. Darla. Will you marry me?
Copy !req
1124. - Yes. Yes!
- Yay.
Copy !req
1125. We did it.
Copy !req
1126. - Julie.
- But I thought this was Julie.
Copy !req
1127. - Nope. I'm Julie.
- They are both Julie.
Copy !req
1128. Julie and Julie.
Copy !req
1129. Susana thought you were
gonna lose your promotion
Copy !req
1130. if I didn't show up today.
Copy !req
1131. Look at you. You had a...
replacement all lined up.
Copy !req
1132. - Yeah.
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
1133. - This is a huge misunderstanding.
- Let me explain.
Copy !req
1134. This is Darla. She's a naughty
schoolgirl who cheats on her taxes.
Copy !req
1135. I didn't know whether you
were gonna come today,
Copy !req
1136. so I brought Darla to keep
things running smoothly.
Copy !req
1137. Very important
potential client.
Copy !req
1138. That clears that up.
Yeah. Thank you.
Copy !req
1139. Darling, you're embarrassing
yourself. It's over.
Copy !req
1140. She's really quite a catch, Tim.
Congratulations.
Copy !req
1141. - No! Julie...
- Nice to have met you.
Copy !req
1142. - He's very crafty.
- Julie! Julie!
Copy !req
1143. I'm so sorry. I hope we can
continue this at a later date,
Copy !req
1144. - but, actually, I love her.
- Wait, Tim?
Copy !req
1145. - Julie!
- Tim?
Copy !req
1146. Julie! Julie, look...
Copy !req
1147. Wait, wait. I know that looked awkward,
but you've gotta trust me.
Copy !req
1148. - Trust you?
- Yes. I trust you.
Copy !req
1149. I know you spent the night at Kieran's
ranch. I know nothing happened.
Copy !req
1150. Right?
Copy !req
1151. I didn't go to Kieran's ranch
last night.
Copy !req
1152. - I'm going now.
- No! Don't go! Don't go!
Copy !req
1153. Tim, I have to go. It's my job.
Copy !req
1154. We're going to San Francisco
this weekend to set up for the show.
Copy !req
1155. He wants me to be pan
of his artistic process.
Copy !req
1156. His artistic process...
That means sex, Julie.
Copy !req
1157. He told me last nigh!
when I broke into his house!
Copy !req
1158. - You broke into his house?
- Hmm?
Copy !req
1159. My God. I guess there really
is a you I don't know.
Copy !req
1160. It's too bad. I was so in love
with the other one.
Copy !req
1161. Hop in.
Copy !req
1162. OK.
Copy !req
1163. Tim, Tim. "
Copy !req
1164. Ow!
Copy !req
1165. Oh, wow.
Copy !req
1166. may dead!
Copy !req
1167. I don't think you're
a very nice person, Tim.
Copy !req
1168. Just stay out of my life.
And I'm keeping the ring.
Copy !req
1169. I think that was really good for her.
Copy !req
1170. Aah!
Copy !req
1171. See? It works.
Copy !req
1172. I can't help but think
this is partially my fault.
Copy !req
1173. Really'? Well, it is your fault!
It's a hundred percent your fault!
Copy !req
1174. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1175. Hello, Therman. You win.
Copy !req
1176. You can eat my pudding.
Copy !req
1177. 31 Light hill Drive.
OK, Therman.
Copy !req
1178. I don't even know
who he is anymore.
Copy !req
1179. It's like I'm having a bad dream.
I mean, am I crazy?
Copy !req
1180. Am I completely delusional, here?
Copy !req
1181. I don'! even know
what's going on anymore.
Copy !req
1182. I'm sorry. I shouldn't
be unloading this.
Copy !req
1183. I want to photograph you, right now.
Copy !req
1184. Um...
Copy !req
1185. I don't think it's the best time
right now, really.
Copy !req
1186. It's exactly the best time.
I've never seen you like this.
Copy !req
1187. You're so raw, so wonderfully visible,
so beautiful.
Copy !req
1188. This is weird, Kieran.
I don't think we should...
Copy !req
1189. Not doing this would be weird.
Copy !req
1190. Keep talking.
Tell me about Tim.
Copy !req
1191. I don't know. I mean, I just...
Copy !req
1192. I just always thought
that there was this decent...
Copy !req
1193. basic person underneath it all.
Copy !req
1194. You'd think that you would
know someone after two years.
Copy !req
1195. But, no. That's bad.
Copy !req
1196. He's such a smooth talker.
Copy !req
1197. So convincing.
Copy !req
1198. I don't even know if anything
he's ever said to me is true.
Copy !req
1199. - These pictures are gonna be amazing.
- Kieran, you've lost your mind!
Copy !req
1200. - This is crazy. No.
- Don't light it, It's art.
Copy !req
1201. I don't want to take pictures.
Can we just stop it?
Copy !req
1202. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1203. Julie, there's something
I need to tell you.
Copy !req
1204. - Kieran has gonorrhea.
- No, I don't.
Copy !req
1205. - You might.
- I don't.
Copy !req
1206. - Well, she does, She has gonorrhea.
- What?
Copy !req
1207. - Don't sleep with her.
- She doesn't.
Copy !req
1208. - Are you sure?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1209. Because you can get it
from riding the bus.
Copy !req
1210. - No, you can't.
- Yes, you can, Tim.
Copy !req
1211. - That's how my wife got it.
- Barry, no one here has gonorrhea.
Copy !req
1212. I do.
Copy !req
1213. I have gonorrhea.
Copy !req
1214. I got gonorrhea from my wife,
who got it from a bus seat.
Copy !req
1215. And no one should sleep with me.
Copy !req
1216. OK.
Copy !req
1217. Could I speak with Julie...
alone, please?
Copy !req
1218. Tim, you have to tell her
what's in your heart
Copy !req
1219. - and be honest with her.
- Yeah, I...
Copy !req
1220. That's what I did with Martha
and that did not work.
Copy !req
1221. - But I think this'il work for you.
- OK. Thank you. All right.
Copy !req
1222. Have you ever
just spent five months
Copy !req
1223. living with a herd of goats,
as one of them?
Copy !req
1224. - No?
- No.
Copy !req
1225. That surprises me.
Copy !req
1226. The thing about a goat is, it never
denies itself what it's hungry for.
Copy !req
1227. A goat will eat anything.
Copy !req
1228. A goat could probably eat a bike.
Copy !req
1229. A goal could eat itself,
if it was driven to it.
Copy !req
1230. I'm just a goat...
Copy !req
1231. who's halfway through
eating itself.
Copy !req
1232. Just to be clear, what exactly
are we talking about?
Copy !req
1233. Everything.
Copy !req
1234. I had no idea. It happened one night
three years ago, before we met.
Copy !req
1235. I haven't seen her since.
Copy !req
1236. So she just popped back up
into your life, like that?
Copy !req
1237. She tried to get in touch with me
and Barry intercepted the message.
Copy !req
1238. - So it's all Barry's fault?
- Barry is... he's a sweet guy,
Copy !req
1239. but he is a tornado of destruction.
Copy !req
1240. The only friends
he has are dead mice,
Copy !req
1241. and that's 'cause they're the only ones
that can't get away from him.
Copy !req
1242. You know what else mice can't do?
Copy !req
1243. They can't lie.
Copy !req
1244. Barry. Barry!
Copy !req
1245. I'm gonna go
to San Francisco tonight.
Copy !req
1246. And, uh, I'll come by to pack,
around eight.
Copy !req
1247. I think I!'s better
if you're not there.
Copy !req
1248. I never really knew
what Martha thought of me
Copy !req
1249. until I heard her
talking behind my back.
Copy !req
1250. You were lying to me
the whole time. You didn't like me.
Copy !req
1251. "How do I get ahead in business?"
Copy !req
1252. "How do I get ahead?
Oh, I know... "
Copy !req
1253. "I'll find a great taxidermist
and hit him with my car. "
Copy !req
1254. "And then I'll invite him to dinner.
That'll do it. "
Copy !req
1255. Well, somebody forgot to tell
you there is no "me" in "mean. "
Copy !req
1256. Well...
Copy !req
1257. there is a bit
of a happy ending.
Copy !req
1258. 'Cause the mean guy finally
got what he deserved.
Copy !req
1259. World's smallest violin
and it's playing just for you.
Copy !req
1260. - Sorry.
- What?
Copy !req
1261. - I'm sorry.
- Oh, OK. Whatever.
Copy !req
1262. - Hello?
- Tim!
Copy !req
1263. I heard you had
an interesting brunch this morning.
Copy !req
1264. Sir, I can explain.
Copy !req
1265. You might want to explain it
to Mn Mueller
Copy !req
1266. You should have
told me Barry was your fool.
Copy !req
1267. We have the same game
in Switzerland.
Copy !req
1268. "Dinner for Unterschlagen. "
Copy !req
1269. I am very much looking forward
Copy !req
1270. to seeing the two of you
this evening, Mn Conrad
Copy !req
1271. Where are you?
Dinners about to start.
Copy !req
1272. There's been a complication.
Copy !req
1273. Wm, for chrissake,
we're running on fumes.
Copy !req
1274. If we don't make this deal tonight,
there is no Fender Financial.
Copy !req
1275. So, hurry up,
We gotta land Mueller tonight.
Copy !req
1276. My guy's a lock. You know what I'm
saying? Mueller's gonna love him.
Copy !req
1277. Now, he might be a little late.
Copy !req
1278. - He's on his way, but...
- Tim!
Copy !req
1279. Sir, I've run
into a little bit of a problem.
Copy !req
1280. Never mind that. You know,
ever since I invited you to this thing,
Copy !req
1281. Caldwell's been
telling me I made a mistake.
Copy !req
1282. He says you're not cut out for it.
Copy !req
1283. - Really?
- Caldwell is full of shit.
Copy !req
1284. Mueller told me your guy was good.
I had no idea he was this good.
Copy !req
1285. Well, I try to look
at the bright side.
Copy !req
1286. I guess you could say
I'm an eternal optometrist.
Copy !req
1287. When life gives you lemons,
you make lemonade.
Copy !req
1288. Unless you don't have
any water or sugar.
Copy !req
1289. And then,
then you just eat the lemons.
Copy !req
1290. The rind will give you diarrhea.
So, mama mia, papa pia,
Copy !req
1291. baby got the diarr...
Hey, Tim!
Copy !req
1292. Ah, Mr. Conrad! You have
been missing all the fun.
Copy !req
1293. Barry... you're here.
Copy !req
1294. Yes, and I have been telling
Sir Lancelot
Copy !req
1295. that you deserve a promotion.
Copy !req
1296. And he's been making
a pretty persuasive case, Tim.
Copy !req
1297. Tim, I'd like
to introduce my friend, Lewis,
Copy !req
1298. - and his wife, Diane.
- Your wife?
Copy !req
1299. For now.
Copy !req
1300. - Honey, please.
- "Honey, please. "
Copy !req
1301. You're so pathetic!
Copy !req
1302. My God, it's raining men.
I don't know who's more gorgeous.
Copy !req
1303. Well, beauty's only skin deep.
Copy !req
1304. Unless there's something wrong
with your bone structure. And then,
Copy !req
1305. you could have flawless skin
and still be very ugly.
Copy !req
1306. Because your bones
are just... gross.
Copy !req
1307. Lewis, Diane, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.
Copy !req
1308. I think you're drunk.
Copy !req
1309. Not drunk enough to do you.
Copy !req
1310. Tim, when you said this was
a dinner for extraordinary people,
Copy !req
1311. I had no idea. Look at that.
Copy !req
1312. Are you hungry?
He hasn't eaten a lot today.
Copy !req
1313. Come on.
Copy !req
1314. - Yes?
- Ugh.
Copy !req
1315. OK... her.
You know what she does?
Copy !req
1316. She communicates with dead pets.
Copy !req
1317. Lorenzo's mother...
wants to talk to him.
Copy !req
1318. Right? Nice?
Copy !req
1319. OK, that guy? Right there?
2002 National Beard Champion.
Copy !req
1320. I'm telling you,
these people are amazing.
Copy !req
1321. - I am so not in their league.
- Barry, what are you...
Copy !req
1322. - Why are you here?
- Because that's what friends do.
Copy !req
1323. I know, I know.
You chose some words carelessly.
Copy !req
1324. I know you are in a dark place,
but I also know
Copy !req
1325. that you need to show your boss
that you are friends with a winner.
Copy !req
1326. In my book,
you're a winner, too.
Copy !req
1327. Ladies and gentlemen!
Dinner is served.
Copy !req
1328. The eyes are
but two of the Eve senses.
Copy !req
1329. Remove them and the others
become incredibly sensitive.
Copy !req
1330. But some people still ask,
Copy !req
1331. "How can a blind man compete
at the Olympic Games as fencer?"
Copy !req
1332. I will show you how.
Copy !req
1333. Oh!
Copy !req
1334. Absolutely tremendous!
Copy !req
1335. - All right!
- Are you enjoying this?
Copy !req
1336. Yes. Such a pleasure to laugh
at the misfortune of others.
Copy !req
1337. Are they cute
when they're small,
Copy !req
1338. or are they pretty much
horrible the whole time?
Copy !req
1339. - Are you looking down my dress?
- No.
Copy !req
1340. - Why not?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
1341. - Tim, were you?
- No.
Copy !req
1342. - Please don't embarrass me.
- I'm not doing... Oh, God.
Copy !req
1343. Here you go, sir.
Copy !req
1344. Here you are, ma'am.
Bon appetit.
Copy !req
1345. I am receiving a message
from the other side!
Copy !req
1346. I'm trapped.
Copy !req
1347. Where are they taking me?
Copy !req
1348. She's talking to the lobster.
Copy !req
1349. The water, it...
Copy !req
1350. boils!
Copy !req
1351. That might win. That might win.
Copy !req
1352. Whoo!
Copy !req
1353. Ah, fuck it. I don't care.
Copy !req
1354. So, Tim... I understand your
guest has an interesting hobby.
Copy !req
1355. I guess I'm up. Wish me luck.
Copy !req
1356. This is something that I call
the Tower of Dreamers.
Copy !req
1357. A thousand years ago, the only
people on Earth were monkeys.
Copy !req
1358. And they said,
"We'll never walk erectus. "
Copy !req
1359. "We'll never use tools.
We'll never talk. "
Copy !req
1360. And then one monkey said: "Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm talking right now. "
Copy !req
1361. That monkey... was a dreamer.
Copy !req
1362. - Mice dressed as monkeys.
- Yes-
Copy !req
1363. - Good.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1364. Fast-forward 500 years.
Copy !req
1365. The Wright Brothers decide to make
themselves a frying machine.
Copy !req
1366. "You fools! You idiots!"
Copy !req
1367. "What's your problem?"
everyone shouted.
Copy !req
1368. "That will never work because
plywood weighs more than air!"
Copy !req
1369. To which the Wright Brothers
Copy !req
1370. "No, it doesn't. "
Copy !req
1371. The Wright Brothers were dreamers.
Copy !req
1372. The Earl of Sandwich
and Sir Francis Bacon.
Copy !req
1373. Had it not been for them, the BLT
would merely be lettuce and tomato.
Copy !req
1374. They were dreamers.
And sandwich makers.
Copy !req
1375. - Ja.
- It's not over yet.
Copy !req
1376. Vincent van Gogh.
Copy !req
1377. Everyone told him,
"You only have one ear. "
Copy !req
1378. "You cannot be a great artist. "
Copy !req
1379. And you know what he said?
"I can'! hear you. "
Copy !req
1380. Vincent van Gogh was a dreamer.
Copy !req
1381. - I love to paint.
- Oh, really?
Copy !req
1382. - I love to paint.
- Oh, wow. Are you any good?
Copy !req
1383. - I don't know.
- Of course not.
Copy !req
1384. Louis Pasteur turned
cheese into medicine.
Copy !req
1385. Benjamin Franklin.
Copy !req
1386. People said, "You can't
fly a kite in a rainstorm. "
Copy !req
1387. And Ben Franklin said,
"Yes, you can...
Copy !req
1388. if you have
an electric kite. "
Copy !req
1389. Little detail with the kite.
That's good, ja?
Copy !req
1390. A man who broke more bones...
Copy !req
1391. than any man in history:
Copy !req
1392. Evel Knievel.
Copy !req
1393. It's fantastic.
Copy !req
1394. Well played, rookie.
Well played.
Copy !req
1395. And who might this
handsome young lad be?
Copy !req
1396. Tim Conrad.
Copy !req
1397. He believes that someday
he will marry the girl of his dreams,
Copy !req
1398. even though every time
he asks, she says no.
Copy !req
1399. And even though, as we speak,
she is probably having sex
Copy !req
1400. with a handsome artist.
Copy !req
1401. Tim Conrad... is a dreamer.
Copy !req
1402. So dare to dream.
Dream your wildest dreams.
Copy !req
1403. You can climb
the highest mountain.
Copy !req
1404. You can drown in a teacup,
if you find a big enough teacup.
Copy !req
1405. And if somebody tells you
that you can't do something,
Copy !req
1406. you say, "Yes, I can. "
Copy !req
1407. Cause I'm doing it right now!"
Copy !req
1408. Bravo!
Copy !req
1409. Bravo, sir!
Copy !req
1410. You must come to Switzerland.
You'll be the toast of Zurich!
Copy !req
1411. I can't understand
your accent!
Copy !req
1412. Caldwell.
This guy's taking it.
Copy !req
1413. The night is young.
Copy !req
1414. Gentlemen, ladies, I'd like to introduce
you to Mr. Therman Murch,
Copy !req
1415. IRS auditor and master
of mind control.
Copy !req
1416. Therman?
Copy !req
1417. Sorry for my tardiness.
Copy !req
1418. Mr. Murch came
by the office last night.
Copy !req
1419. Shame to hear about that audit, Tim.
Copy !req
1420. Anything I can do to help,
I'm here for you.
Copy !req
1421. Barry, what are you doing here?
Copy !req
1422. Mm". I dunno.
Copy !req
1423. - You two know each other?
- Yes. We work together.
Copy !req
1424. I'm gonna have to get
the address of that office.
Copy !req
1425. Therman was telling me about
Copy !req
1426. some of his techniques for mind control,
and I gotta say,
Copy !req
1427. I was pretty blown away.
Copy !req
1428. - Wow.
- Ah.
Copy !req
1429. Yes. The brain has pressure points,
just like any other muscle.
Copy !req
1430. Apply those pressure points,
Copy !req
1431. and the brain will obey
your every command.
Copy !req
1432. Allow me to demonstrate.
Copy !req
1433. Barry.
Copy !req
1434. Barry.
Copy !req
1435. Look into my eyes, Barry.
Copy !req
1436. Barry!
Copy !req
1437. Where is your wife, Barry?
Copy !req
1438. Tell us. Where is she?
Copy !req
1439. Come on, Barry, tell us.
Copy !req
1440. - Your house?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1441. Let me just get this straight, Barry.
Your wife left you for... him?
Copy !req
1442. She has extraordinary taste in men.
Copy !req
1443. And tell us, Barry...
why did your wife leave you?
Copy !req
1444. - Spit it out of your mouth.
- No.
Copy !req
1445. - Say it!
- No.
Copy !req
1446. Say it, boy!
Copy !req
1447. I lost her clitoris.
Copy !req
1448. - That's right.
- You lost her clitoris?
Copy !req
1449. She got mad because
I couldn't ind it.
Copy !req
1450. Well, you know.
Copy !req
1451. I said, "it's probably
in your purse,"
Copy !req
1452. because nine times out of ten
when she loses something,
Copy !req
1453. that's where they end up.
Copy !req
1454. Barry, do you even
know what that is?
Copy !req
1455. I don't know what half
the stuff in her purse is.
Copy !req
1456. Well, don't worry, Barry.
I found it.
Copy !req
1457. It was in her purse.
Copy !req
1458. It was in her naughty purse.
Copy !req
1459. Wow... I mean, thank God
somebody found it, right?
Copy !req
1460. I thought I found it
under the couch,
Copy !req
1461. Turns out it was just
an old piece of chewing gum.
Copy !req
1462. I release you!
Copy !req
1463. Ladies and gentlemen,
mind control.
Copy !req
1464. Bravo.
Copy !req
1465. Bravo! Bravo!
Copy !req
1466. Touche, Caldwell.
Copy !req
1467. That was sweet.
Copy !req
1468. Barry, you're better than him.
Martha may not see it, but I do.
Copy !req
1469. Thanks. Thank you, Tim.
You're a good friend.
Copy !req
1470. - No, I'm not.
- Yeah, you are.
Copy !req
1471. I'm not. Barry, this...
Aw, man, this...
Copy !req
1472. This dinner isn't
what you think it is.
Copy !req
1473. What?
Copy !req
1474. We invited you ail here
to make fun of you.
Copy !req
1475. So you invite a bunch of incredibly
talented people to dinner
Copy !req
1476. and make fun of them?
Copy !req
1477. No. It's a dinner for idiots.
Copy !req
1478. Well, you'd better
go rind some idiots.
Copy !req
1479. We do.
Copy !req
1480. I'm sorry.
Really, I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
1481. If it's any consolation, Therman
will probably win first prize.
Copy !req
1482. He'll have that, too.
Copy !req
1483. And he'll be able to lord it
over me for the rest of my life.
Copy !req
1484. Barry, Erst prize
is the biggest idiot.
Copy !req
1485. I know. That guy beats me
at everything. He just...
Copy !req
1486. I don't know, what's the use?
He has mind control, I don't.
Copy !req
1487. Barry, look at me.
Copy !req
1488. Therman has mind control,
but you...
Copy !req
1489. - ... you have brain control.
- Brain control?
Copy !req
1490. - Mm-hmm.
- What...?
Copy !req
1491. - You didn't know you had brain control?
- No.
Copy !req
1492. I knew it the second I met you.
Copy !req
1493. You crawled in my brain
and you stayed there.
Copy !req
1494. - I did?
- You did.
Copy !req
1495. And I can't get rid of you,
no matter how hard I try.
Copy !req
1496. You burrowed your way into my brain,
through my ear, like an earwig!
Copy !req
1497. - I didn't mean to.
- it's like you setup camp
Copy !req
1498. - and I can't get you out of my head!
- I'm an earwig?
Copy !req
1499. It's like teeth and spikes
and...
Copy !req
1500. all your... spilling out millions
of earwig eggs all in my brain!
Copy !req
1501. - I can't do anything about it!
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1502. Brain control beats mind control
any day of the week!
Copy !req
1503. Because the brain tells
the mind what to do!
Copy !req
1504. You can beat this guy.
You can beat this guy, Barry.
Copy !req
1505. Barry, you can beat Therman.
Copy !req
1506. "You may say I'm a dreamer... "
Copy !req
1507. "But I'm not the only one"
Copy !req
1508. I'm going to go
lay eggs in his brain.
Copy !req
1509. - Back for more, Barry?
- Yes! I am, Therman.
Copy !req
1510. Only this time, I brought
my secret weapon... my brain.
Copy !req
1511. - What are you talking about?
- He's talking about brain control.
Copy !req
1512. Brain control?
Copy !req
1513. There ain't no such thing
as brain control.
Copy !req
1514. There is mind control.
Brain control is ridiculous.
Copy !req
1515. That's ridiculous.
Copy !req
1516. Yes, it's ridiculous.
Copy !req
1517. - That's ridiculous.
- Barry.
Copy !req
1518. Barry.
Copy !req
1519. - Barry.
- Barry.
Copy !req
1520. - Barry.
- Barry.
Copy !req
1521. - Barry,
- Barry.
Copy !req
1522. - What are you doing?
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1523. - It works.
- How are you doing that?
Copy !req
1524. I am making you say
everything that I say.
Copy !req
1525. Yeah, but I'm saying it first.
Copy !req
1526. - Are you?
- Yes!
Copy !req
1527. Really?
Copy !req
1528. I am very, very powerful.
Copy !req
1529. Oh, my gosh.
Copy !req
1530. Oh!
Copy !req
1531. - Oh, thank you,
- You're welcome.
Copy !req
1532. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1533. Ah!
Copy !req
1534. Best dinner ever.
Copy !req
1535. You have no secrets from me.
Copy !req
1536. Oh, contrary. You have
no secrets from me, Therman.
Copy !req
1537. I know that after sex, you like
to curl up in the fecal position.
Copy !req
1538. You cry like a little baby.
Copy !req
1539. - Martha told you.
- No, she did not.
Copy !req
1540. I know that you take a Magic Marker
and you draw a face on your penis.
Copy !req
1541. Is that against the law?
I don't think so.
Copy !req
1542. And you put a little hat on it
and you call it Sammy.
Copy !req
1543. Nobody is supposed to know that.
Copy !req
1544. - And you sing to it.
- You keep your mouth shut!
Copy !req
1545. That's... That's not
a hundred percent true.
Copy !req
1546. I know everything! I have
laid eggs inside of your brain.
Copy !req
1547. Get them out of my head!
Copy !req
1548. You are no longer in control
of me! I control you!
Copy !req
1549. And you are under my power.
Copy !req
1550. I know everything,
Therman.
Copy !req
1551. And I release you.
Copy !req
1552. Barry! Barry!
Copy !req
1553. Yeah!
Copy !req
1554. I hope that you have all
kept your receipts,
Copy !req
1555. because you will all be audited.
Copy !req
1556. He slept with Martha
at my house!
Copy !req
1557. I was under the bed
the whole time. What an idiot!
Copy !req
1558. Right? I know!
Copy !req
1559. We have a little
tradition here at this dinner.
Copy !req
1560. We give an award to the evening's
most extraordinary person.
Copy !req
1561. And tonight's winner is
the most extraordinary person
Copy !req
1562. I have ever met. Our winner:
Copy !req
1563. Barry!
Copy !req
1564. Yeah!
Copy !req
1565. Wow. Wow!
Copy !req
1566. - We did it!
- Congratulations.
Copy !req
1567. Thank you.
Copy !req
1568. I look forward to working
with you, Mr. Conrad.
Copy !req
1569. Tim, Tim, you did it.
Your guy is amazing.
Copy !req
1570. Mueller loves him.
Copy !req
1571. He is amazing.
Copy !req
1572. - I thought you did such a great job.
- You're the winner?
Copy !req
1573. - I am, yeah!
- Whatever.
Copy !req
1574. And he deserves
a hell of a lot better than this.
Copy !req
1575. - They all do.
- What do you mean, exactly?
Copy !req
1576. Any of you would throw me
under the bus for a bigger bonus.
Copy !req
1577. And Barry would throw himself
in front of a car to save a mouse...
Copy !req
1578. even though it was already dead.
Copy !req
1579. I have been trying
to play on your team.
Copy !req
1580. Barry doesn't deserve
that trophy. I do.
Copy !req
1581. Hold on a second. Tim, I won
this trophy, fair and square.
Copy !req
1582. Barry, you don't
want that trophy.
Copy !req
1583. - I've never won a trophy before.
- Yeah, I know, but...
Copy !req
1584. - You know what? Keep the trophy.
- OK.
Copy !req
1585. I'm sorry.
What's going on here?
Copy !req
1586. Well, these people invited us
here to make fun of us.
Copy !req
1587. This is a contest
for the biggest idiot.
Copy !req
1588. Which I nailed!
Copy !req
1589. Wait, wait, wait...
Copy !req
1590. - You told him?
- I did.
Copy !req
1591. It seems this contest was fixed.
Copy !req
1592. I thought you conducted
yourselves honorably.
Copy !req
1593. No, we do. We do.
Copy !req
1594. We do. Tim had
a very bright future here,
Copy !req
1595. but for some reason, he's chosen
to throw his lot in with the losers.
Copy !req
1596. Scusi. I think I must not have
heard correctly. Did he call us losers?
Copy !req
1597. He did.
Copy !req
1598. You insult my honor
at great risk. I will be leaving.
Copy !req
1599. Count yourself lucky
I have spared your life.
Copy !req
1600. Yeah!
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1601. - Marco!
- Oh, God.
Copy !req
1602. So it is a tight you want, is it?
Copy !req
1603. Well, you shall have your might.
Copy !req
1604. But on my terms.
Copy !req
1605. In a world of complete darkness,
the sighted are blind...
Copy !req
1606. but the blind can see.
Copy !req
1607. Oh, God.
Copy !req
1608. Welcome...
Copy !req
1609. to my world.
Copy !req
1610. I am invisible. Where am I?
Copy !req
1611. - He's good.
- I am a shadow...
Copy !req
1612. with a big knife!
Copy !req
1613. Simmer down!
Copy !req
1614. I can smell your fear!
Copy !req
1615. I think he's gonna kill someone.
Copy !req
1616. Hey, no! Not the boys!
Copy !req
1617. This has become a fiasco!
Copy !req
1618. Wait a second, the Swedish
guy who thinks he's a German!
Copy !req
1619. He's an idiot, too!
Mueller! Whoo!
Copy !req
1620. This is what you've been
up to all along!
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1621. - No! No!
- You brought me here
Copy !req
1622. - to make fun with me!
- No...
Copy !req
1623. I can assure you.
I am no Unterschlagen!
Copy !req
1624. No, no! Lorenzo, no!
Copy !req
1625. - Somebody, grab that bird!
- I got it...
Copy !req
1626. No, no, no!
Copy !req
1627. It is my wife's favorite finger!
Please get it back now!
Copy !req
1628. Williams, get the bird!
Somebody kill the bird!
Copy !req
1629. - They're going to kill my bird!
- It's not his time!
Copy !req
1630. - It's over there!
- Don't hurt him!
Copy !req
1631. - Get the bird!
- Parry right, thrust left!
Copy !req
1632. You want the bird?
You have to kill me first!
Copy !req
1633. Fight like a blind man!
Kick him in the business center!
Copy !req
1634. Right here.
Copy !req
1635. - Oh!
- There's a ire!
Copy !req
1636. - Oh, come on!
- Grab the vulture!
Copy !req
1637. Somebody, just let the bird out!
Please! Just let him out!
Copy !req
1638. Wait, I have an idea.
Copy !req
1639. Let Lorenzo out!
Copy !req
1640. You, stop! Don't move
or I'm gonna kill you.
Copy !req
1641. Allow me.
Copy !req
1642. There it is!
Copy !req
1643. Nice!
Copy !req
1644. Wanna?
Copy !req
1645. Great dinner!
Let's go get Julie!
Copy !req
1646. Mein finger!
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1647. Don't you die on me!
Copy !req
1648. Julie!
Copy !req
1649. - Julie?
- Julie?
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1650. Julie?
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1651. Tim.
Copy !req
1652. There's a way to read that
that's actually positive.
Copy !req
1653. How? How is that positive, Barry?
Copy !req
1654. "Tim, have a ni... "
Copy !req
1655. "Hey, Tim, ha... "
Copy !req
1656. "Have a nice life. "
Copy !req
1657. - This is my fault, isn't it?
- It's not. It's my fault.
Copy !req
1658. I'm the reason this happened,
not you.
Copy !req
1659. I messed up. You want to hear
something pathetic?
Copy !req
1660. God, yeah.
Copy !req
1661. You know why I wanted
that promotion?
Copy !req
1662. So that Julie would think
that I was good enough for her.
Copy !req
1663. I'm so stupid. I couldn't believe
that someone so amazing
Copy !req
1664. would want anything to do
with me. I tried to impress her...
Copy !req
1665. with stuff she doesn't care
about, I don't care about.
Copy !req
1666. You know what
I care about? Her.
Copy !req
1667. And what else?
Copy !req
1668. Waking up next to her every day,
seeing her every day.
Copy !req
1669. And more things?
Copy !req
1670. She's the greatest thing in my life
and I blew it. God, I'm an idiot.
Copy !req
1671. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1672. Did you know I was listening?
Copy !req
1673. - No.
- I did. I did.
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1674. I... I thought you'd gone.
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1675. I left my phone.
Copy !req
1676. Julie... I'm...
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1677. Julie?
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1678. We should hurry if we're
gonna catch that plane.
Copy !req
1679. - Kieran...
- Julie, I will handle this.
Copy !req
1680. Kieran...
since the dawn of ancient times,
Copy !req
1681. men and women have striven
to End the perfect mate.
Copy !req
1682. And once in a while,
a couple will meet
Copy !req
1683. and spark a passion
that is so powerful,
Copy !req
1684. a thousand armies
could not pull them apart.
Copy !req
1685. That is what you have with Julie.
Copy !req
1686. But Tim got there first.
Copy !req
1687. And if Julie leaves,
it will kill him.
Copy !req
1688. People can die of broken hearts.
Copy !req
1689. I know. It almost happened to me.
Copy !req
1690. And because of that...
you may see Julie no more.
Copy !req
1691. You may talk to Julie no more.
Copy !req
1692. You may look upon
Julie's face... no more.
Copy !req
1693. OK, but we work together, so...
Copy !req
1694. What part of "no more"
do you not understand?
Copy !req
1695. We had a talk, Kieran and I,
Copy !req
1696. and he understands
it's purely professional.
Copy !req
1697. - There is professional no more.
- He's right, Julie.
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1698. If we start this tire...
we'll burn this world to ashes.
Copy !req
1699. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1700. "If you start this tire... "
Copy !req
1701. - Burn it to ashes.
- "... burn this world to ashes. "
Copy !req
1702. - There goes my museum show.
- Welcome to my world.
Copy !req
1703. - Yeah.
- Julie...
Copy !req
1704. I love you. I don't care
if we get married.
Copy !req
1705. Rn stop asking
Copy !req
1706. Don't stop asking.
Copy !req
1707. You are a wise man, my friend.
Copy !req
1708. As are you.
Copy !req
1709. Au revoir, Julie.
Au revoir, Tim.
Copy !req
1710. Au revoir, Kieran.
Copy !req
1711. Be kind to your birds
and your goats.
Copy !req
1712. We're gonna be
so happy together.
Copy !req
1713. I guess things
really do happen for a reason.
Copy !req
1714. Tim lost his job, but the two of us
remain best friends.
Copy !req
1715. And once a month, I invite him
to a gathering I host.
Copy !req
1716. It's called
"The Breakfast of Champions. "
Copy !req
1717. Kieran and I became friends.
Copy !req
1718. He asked me to collaborate with him and
we showed our work all over the world..
Copy !req
1719. including South Africa.
Copy !req
1720. And guess who came to see us?
Copy !req
1721. Morgan Freeman.
Copy !req
1722. Tim went on to help Martin Mueller
convert his munitions factory
Copy !req
1723. into the Martin Mueller
Museum of Modem Art...
Copy !req
1724. or 'mmm-ah. "
Copy !req
1725. Kieran and I collaborated
on a sculpture for the opening.
Copy !req
1726. I met up with Dana again.
Boy, does she like role-playing.
Copy !req
1727. She had me play detective
and she left all of these clues.
Copy !req
1728. And you know what?
I found it.
Copy !req
1729. Therman wrote a new book,
Copy !req
1730. and it is very popular
in some circles.
Copy !req
1731. I guess it's true what they say
Copy !req
1732. '71 mind is a terrible thing. "
Copy !req
1733. Oh, yeah, as for Tim and Julie...
Well, Julie finally said yes.
Copy !req
1734. They went to Paris
for the honeymoon.
Copy !req
1735. I waited around to surprise them,
but it never felt like the right time.
Copy !req
1736. Anyway, I can tell you this:
Copy !req
1737. They both got curated..
Copy !req
1738. several times.
Copy !req
1739. Oh, yeah... Fender's company
went out of business.
Copy !req
1740. Forbes Magazine named him
Wall Street's biggest loser!
Copy !req
1741. Way to go, Fender!
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