Dick Johnson Is Dead (2020)

1. Felix, I can't get you high enough.

2. It was so high, I almost died.

3. Almost died? Oh, dear.

4. That's pretty scary. So what was telling you you were dying?

5. I was too high. I love it.

6. - You loved it, huh? - If you love dying.

7. - Hi. Eva! - Oh.

8. - Hi. - Pull me up. Felix, pull me up.

9. There. Thank you.

10. All right, here we go.

11. Are you ready for a high flyer?

12. Okay, Dad, be careful. Dad, be careful,

13. because the... the straw's really slippery.

14. What?

15. The straw's really slippery so be careful.

16. - Yeah, I am. - Okay. Promise?

17. Your turn, your turn.

18. Oh, you're such a heavy big girl.

19. I'll do it before ya, so...

20. Say when.

21. - Dad, are you okay? - Did you get it, Mom?

22. - I got it. - Oh, wonderful.

23. I've always wanted to be in the movies.

24. How do I get up?

25. That was a good slide.

26. - I'm stuck. Come on, Steve, Felix. - You need help. Steve.

27. Just... Stay down, Dad.

28. Don't move.

29. Oh, this... I...

30. Did that hurt? Are you okay?

31. I'm okay.

32. Just the idea that I might ever lose this man

33. is too much to bear.

34. He's my dad.

35. He's such an open, accepting person. That's who you want for a father.

36. And that's who I have. Who I've always had, my whole life.

37. But now it's upon us.

38. The beginning of his disappearance.

39. And we're not accepting it.

40. He's a psychiatrist. I'm a cameraperson.

41. I suggested we make a movie about him dying.

42. He said yes.

43. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

44. All right.

45. So we're gonna get a stool.

46. - So this is... this is it. - Wow, that's pretty narrow.

47. It's pretty narrow, right?

48. Yeah. How much did that cost ya?

49. Maureen, how much did this cost us?

50. Uh, 666 bucks.

51. - I can just do it like this. - Just pop in.

52. - Yeah. - Okay.

53. - I may never get out. - I got your legs.

54. That is brutal. That looks pretty good.

55. Is it cozy in there?

56. - Nobody cares about comfort now. - You do.

57. Good night, sweet world.

58. Kimmy, I think he looks really dead.

59. Ray, come look at the hand positions too.

60. Like that.

61. And then...

62. It is so weird to see your buddy in a coffin.

63. This is not good for me.

64. But this is a movie, and I keep reminding myself

65. that this is a movie,

66. and you see a lot of weird stuff in movies that never happen.

67. Uh, he's still breathing.

68. It helps make it less hard.

69. That's the trick, right?

70. Now he's asleep.

71. - Okay, one, two, three. - Push with your feet.

72. - Nicely done. - There you go.

73. - Good. - Support him from behind.

74. Okay, so now you can go down the stairs.

75. A resurrection.

76. By George.

77. Hey, it's nice to be back, you know.

78. - We missed you. - I missed you guys.

79. I think what you're doing is not completely a fantasy.

80. I think, in a sense, it causes a lot of serious questioning,

81. and... and everybody has to sort of prepare.

82. Because everybody dies,

83. and to that extent, I don't put this in a fantasy group.

84. You know what I'm good at?

85. I'm good at running over with a car.

86. You know, I'm the bum you grab from the street

87. - and throw in front of a bus. - Yeah.

88. I'm the guy you whip the hell out of.

89. Do you love what you do?

90. In terms of stunts? Or...

91. Yeah. Well, being a stuntman, you know?

92. I would say I love...

93. - the, um... the world of cinema. - Okay.

94. And the bigger and grander, uh...

95. and the more creative it is, the more I love it.

96. - Judy, can we fix his mic? - Yes.

97. So, if we were to say he had a heart attack,

98. - have you ever done that? - It'd be really...

99. You know.

100. I would have him go over in the chair,

101. 'cause that would kinda sell it. The legs go up, you know?

102. - But most important, get it so no one... - Ever gets hurt.

103. No one gets hurt.

104. Dad's like that. He's never lost any patients.

105. I have. I have. I've had, I think, one or two suicides.

106. I didn't know that.

107. Wow.

108. In fact, there's been quite a few stuntpeople

109. that have... have committed suicide.

110. Oh, yeah.

111. So, uh, whenever you feel suicidal, talk to me.

112. What do you mean, I have a problem? I have no problems!

113. And then...

114. And it can be as violent as you want.

115. - Yeah. - But first,

116. - you would put up your hands naturally. - Sure.

117. And then what'd be nice is you could... Your chair could...

118. Tip over? Yeah.

119. - Or I could kick you over. - Yeah.

120. I mean, that's a gritty sorta

121. - mob death kind of thing. - Yeah.

122. I mean, we're trying to cast stuntpeople for accidental deaths.

123. - Right, you said "accidental." - Yeah.

124. I guess what I'm trying to figure out too is does this appeal to you?

125. This idea that your daughter has suggested, you know,

126. to sort of sit back and watch Dick Johnson...

127. - Yeah. Yeah. - ...you know...

128. Okay, that's what I wanted to know!

129. Sure. Oh, this'll be great, you know?

130. - Okay, yeah. - Yeah.

131. You got the stoop really nicely.

132. Yeah.

133. Great. Fantastic.

134. Clear.

135. Wow. That was me? That hurt.

136. What's the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life?

137. Oh, I think the heart attack.

138. - It hurt? The heart attack? - Yeah.

139. - Really? - Yeah.

140. I didn't know that.

141. It was part... It hurt in your heart?

142. Yeah. And, you know, the whole thing put together.

143. - The... The initial thing... - Mm-hmm.

144. Not getting air, not getting breath, lying down,

145. and taking me to the home and having pain,

146. and then going to the emergency room

147. and arresting, and the whole scenario. Not one part of it, but the whole thing.

148. - I'm glad you survived. - Yeah, I'm glad...

149. I'm glad I survived. Yeah.

150. Yeah. And lived to live how many more years?

151. 1987... That's 20 years, isn't it?

152. - Mmm... it's even more than that. - Is it? Seven...

153. - Thirty years. - Thirty years.

154. - Thirty years. - Is it 30 years?

155. - You got to live an extra 30 years. - That's pretty good, yeah.

156. Probably the best years of my life.

157. Where did I get this from?

158. I see one bug.

159. There's that little fly.

160. Hit him. Kill him.

161. Oh, boy.

162. I think this is their first killing, Dad.

163. That fly is not dead yet.

164. It's fighting for its life.

165. Smart fly.

166. - What's that? - This is my grandma.

167. That's Grandma Walder.

168. Already... Your grandma already died?

169. She already died. She died a long, long time ago.

170. - When I was... - You were a little baby?

171. No, she died when I was, um, a teenage boy.

172. And when I was a teenage boy...

173. ...she lived with us.

174. - I want this. - Yeah.

175. - Who else is there, Viva? - That's your grandmother who died.

176. You guys know what her name is?

177. - Mama. - Yeah, that's what I called her.

178. But does anyone remember what her name is?

179. - Katie Jo. - Katie Jo, that's right.

180. I've always been ashamed of these toes.

181. They've been a source of embarrassment to me for my entire life.

182. - I never wanted to go barefoot. - Aw.

183. They caused my mother tears.

184. When she bore me and saw those toes, she cried and cried and cried.

185. - How do you know? - I was there.

186. Do we actually know how Mom did fall on these stairs?

187. I suspect she may have misjudged

188. and thought she was down before she was down.

189. - Yeah. - And stepped into nothing.

190. - And what did she break? - It was a hip.

191. - That was where the brutality started. - Yeah.

192. But you're careful going down them.

193. - Oh, yeah, I'm very careful. - Yeah.

194. - I hang on to the rail. - Yeah.

195. Can you just, like, put one arm up against the wall,

196. like, your arm that's closest to the wall, in some weird...

197. Yeah, that's nice.

198. Okay. Ready?

199. And... action. Keep smiling, Dad. Keep smiling.

200. Yeah. Perfect, I think we got it.

201. - Are we doing playback? - That was beautiful.

202. That was really nice jumping, Bruce.

203. My parents brought us up in the Seventh-Day Adventist religion.

204. That's how they were raised.

205. Like any religion, it offers answers to our questions about death.

206. Adventism promises heaven for the righteous.

207. But also, it tells us that nobody's up in heaven yet.

208. The dead have to wait in their graves. They're unconscious, in a kind of sleep.

209. Only when Jesus returns to earth for the Day of Judgment

210. will believers be resurrected and rise up to heaven to live forever.

211. And drop, Dad.

212. As we practiced it, Adventism was a strict religion.

213. No alcohol, no dancing, no movies.

214. And I tried hard not to break a single rule.

215. But when I was 11,

216. my dad took my brother and me to see Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein.

217. I was scandalized. And I loved it.

218. Dad loved it, too. He had a way of living in the moment.

219. "I've got my heaven," he would say. "Right here on earth. With all of you."

220. - Good? - Yeah, good.

221. She kills me. Multiple times.

222. And I come back to life. It's Groundhog Day all over again.

223. - The resurrected dad. - Yeah.

224. - That's very cool. - The resurrected dad.

225. It's not easy dying though, let me tell you.

226. No. When she told me that part, I went, "Oh, no."

227. But she said you was coming back, I was like, "All right. That's awesome."

228. It's a comedy.

229. Hey now, let's do it.

230. - It's a comedy. - Hope it is.

231. - How did your father pass? - He drowned, actually.

232. - Drowned? - Mmm-hmm. He was down...

233. - How did that happen? - A boating accident.

234. And he couldn't swim, and, you know, that was it.

235. - I was about eight years old. - Wow.

236. That's terrible, to lose a father at that age.

237. Yeah. Mom was a strong woman, though.

238. You know, she raised us.

239. - If the left hand missed... - She did a great job.

240. ...the right hand caught us.

241. Yeah. Her mom died, uh...

242. How long ago?

243. It's already been seven years since Mom passed, yeah.

244. - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

245. - That was a sad loss. - Yeah.

246. Mmm-hmm. But she had Alzheimer's, so it was a long goodbye.

247. - So you're just expecting it? - Yeah.

248. We lost her several years before she actually passed.

249. - Okay. - Yeah.

250. We all carry our parents in us. Right?

251. Yeah.

252. What do you carry from your dad?

253. Wow.

254. I don't know. I guess...

255. some people say I just look serious all the time, you know, but...

256. I don't know. I don't know.

257. I'm a man of peace, you know.

258. Yeah. Yeah.

259. ...all this is clear, I can start breaking this down.

260. I can be out of here in about five, ten minutes,

261. and I just lay it down neatly on the floor.

262. - Beautiful. - Let's do it.

263. - Bing, bing, bing, done. - All right.

264. I like the way you bing, bing, bing.

265. It's just sad for us.

266. We're leaving all of this, it's such a good-looking space,

267. but we're doing it. We're doing it.

268. Better not leave nothing in here,

269. 'cause I'll take it home. They call me Fred Sanford.

270. It's good seeing you guys.

271. Thanks, Mike. Appreciate it.

272. I'll be here tomorrow to knock down the shelves.

273. - Thank you. - Bye.

274. This is actually looking like a good situation for a heart attack.

275. I don't think you should lift that. I can lift that. Dad...

276. No, I'm much stronger than you are. Oh, piece of cake.

277. - I sure was lucky to find this office. - Yeah, right?

278. Yeah, a wonderful place to work.

279. Dr. Johnson's answering service.

280. Dr. Johnson is now retired and his office is closed.

281. If you still need to find another psychiatrist,

282. Dr. Johnson suggests your insurance website,

283. or call their customer service phone number.

284. If you have a mental health crisis,

285. don't hesitate to have someone drive you to the nearest emergency room.

286. Dr. Johnson wishes you well,

287. and thanks you for being his valued patient.

288. Let 'em know I'm backing out.

289. So if you can get into a spot, you can always get out.

290. That's the idea. Right?

291. Thank you.

292. My dad had been living alone

293. and going to work and to church faithfully ever since my mom died.

294. My brother and I were both thousands of miles away,

295. and despite what we'd already been through with Mom's Alzheimer's,

296. we didn't notice anything until it was almost too late.

297. We started getting calls from his friends. Then his secretary.

298. He was double-booking his patients, making mistakes on their prescriptions.

299. He had driven his car at high speed through a construction site,

300. and then kept going, five miles home, on four flat tires.

301. Every call felt like an alarm bell,

302. and even though we should have understood perfectly,

303. we just couldn't bear to hear it again.

304. You never said you were taking the car away from me.

305. It was said that we were selling the car

306. 'cause you're moving to New York.

307. - Yeah, it was said that. - Right. That's all.

308. But who's selling it, and when, and where?

309. It's being put on Craigslist this week.

310. It's at the repair shop being finished right now.

311. I'm telling you what I know.

312. But you're not getting the car back, I do know that.

313. I'm never driving it again?

314. No. Not that car.

315. Maybe some other car.

316. Is that the worst news ever?

317. - Not the worst, but it's pretty bad news. - Yeah.

318. You know, I'm not far enough gone

319. that I couldn't drive my own car, you know?

320. Well, it's not about that, it's about the fact that you're moving to New York.

321. - I know. And I'm not taking my car. - You can't keep it.

322. - I know that. - That's all.

323. But in between now and the time...

324. It's only a couple days.

325. Okay.

326. Sorry.

327. I know it hurts.

328. It's your independence, isn't it?

329. - Yeah. - Yeah.

330. Gonna be okay.

331. Well, I know how Mom must have felt when we put her in the nursing home.

332. Is that what it feels like?

333. - Not that bad. - It's not that bad.

334. - Not that bad. - It's not that bad.

335. It's not that bad, but that was bad.

336. You're more conscious than she was then.

337. Yeah. But, uh, you're not giving me credit

338. for much more consciousness.

339. Yes, we are. Stop it. We just are not paying $2,000

340. to put a car in a rental car garage in New York City, that's all.

341. - That's all. Yeah, I hear ya. - That's all we're doin'.

342. - You hear me? - Yeah, I hear ya.

343. You know, the thing I hate most about my memory loss

344. is that it hurts people's feelings when I don't remember things about them.

345. Especially more recent.

346. - Yeah, recent... - I got to see...

347. You remember everything about your old MG.

348. Yeah, that's right.

349. But recent memories are... They don't stick around.

350. - That's okay. - Well, it's not okay. You know?

351. You don't want to hurt your friends.

352. - Dad. - Yeah.

353. You know what's happening here?

354. You're making chocolate fudge cake.

355. - And why would we do that? - In order to kill me.

356. It was double valve? Your heart surgery?

357. Not valves, it was... it was double, um, artery.

358. - Bypass? - Bypass.

359. Bypass. Double bypass, yeah.

360. - Coronary artery bypass. - Right, that's what it was.

361. Do you ever regret making that cake, Joanne?

362. I've been feeling guilty all these years.

363. - It's time you stopped. - Yeah.

364. All right, I do it like this, and then I do it like this.

365. Look at this, will ya?

366. You are completely absolved of anything that happens to me after today.

367. Well, at least a bite at a time.

368. Oh, my God, look at Mom's good memory book.

369. She was so into memory stuff.

370. When I was courting her, she was deep into this.

371. Which is sort of a paradox, isn't it?

372. Yeah.

373. Do you think she needed memory work then?

374. I don't know. Maybe she had foreknowledge of being...

375. - Right. - ...ill, you know?

376. - Yeah. - Having Alzheimer's.

377. She... She did so well in the class

378. that the instructor asked her to work for him.

379. - Really? - Yeah.

380. So when I was courting her, she was doing all that stuff.

381. Uh-huh. So she had a great memory then.

382. I don't know if she did or not.

383. I just remember her coming up with names of things,

384. like, you remember, like, an alligator sitting eating an ice-cream cone

385. on the top of a ladder, you know...

386. - That's how she'd do it. - It's like visual...

387. Visual reminders that were sort of unusual...

388. - Yeah. - ...they stick out in your mind.

389. Yeah.

390. You remember her teaching you that?

391. Yeah. I thought it was cool.

392. Yeah.

393. Okay, here we go. One, two... whoop.

394. That work?

395. I see that little clock go around all the time.

396. That little clock goes around all the time?

397. 'Kay.

398. So your name is, uh, Johnson.

399. My name's Johnson, what's my first name?

400. I'll give you a hint.

401. I'm your daughter.

402. You know.

403. It's Kirsten. I'm Kirsten.

404. I know that one. And is there a C. Richard Johnson?

405. Yeah.

406. Same family?

407. Same family, totally. That is a good point.

408. Should we go downstairs?

409. - Shall we? - Gotta keep your eyes open.

410. I've been shooting documentaries for nearly 30 years,

411. but this is almost all the footage I've got of Mom.

412. I don't have a single frame of the warm and brilliant person she once was.

413. So when Mom was really...

414. could barely move and all that,

415. and we were gonna move her from the house, remember?

416. She, um... She came out here and she sat in this chair

417. - and she was like, "This is our house." - Uh-huh.

418. And I was like, "It's okay, Mom, we don't have to move you."

419. And she said, um... She was like...

420. She sat there and that's when she started singing "Que Sera, Sera."

421. - Pretty good. - Yeah.

422. - She was tough. - She was tough.

423. It's tough.

424. And now we experience something similar all over again.

425. Yeah.

426. Yeah, it's scary.

427. Yeah.

428. - Ah... I'm sorry. - Yeah.

429. Me, too.

430. But I remember her being just like, "This is our house."

431. - Yeah. - Yeah.

432. - It is our house. - She didn't wanna go.

433. Nope.

434. But once she got there, I think...

435. No, she was like, "Let's get out of here."

436. - "Let's get out of here." - She hated that place.

437. - Oh, poor her. - Ah...

438. You can include this in... in the movie.

439. - Well... - I don't know... Not very well.

440. What's gonna happen is that your feet

441. are gonna be turned into feet with toes.

442. Of... clothes?

443. - With toes. - Toes.

444. Your feet are gonna be turned into feet with toes.

445. How are you gonna do that?

446. Well, we're gonna do a close-up on your real feet...

447. and then we're gonna have another person...

448. We're gonna do, like, the gold cloth in front of your feet,

449. and then someone else's bare feet are gonna be there.

450. Yeah. Um, because you said to me once that that was...

451. If you could wish for anything, that was the wish that...

452. Really, I told you that?

453. Yeah, I was kind of surprised.

454. I thought you'd wish for world peace or something.

455. - I thought... - I'd wish for Mom not to die.

456. - That would be your wish? - Mmm-hmm.

457. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that.

458. Yeah, I would wish for that, too.

459. Wow. Look at this.

460. What a mess.

461. There's Mom up on top of the case.

462. - Is she? - Yeah, see, right up there?

463. Who put her up there?

464. I don't know.

465. It must have been Kirk.

466. Well, maybe we should change our minds.

467. Just stay here. What do you think about that?

468. I kind of feel the same way.

469. - It's such a great house. - Yeah, it is, isn't it?

470. It's crazy to leave it.

471. Yeah, well, the problem is,

472. if you don't leave it, I don't get close to you.

473. - Yeah. - Yeah.

474. - That's it. - That's it.

475. So, I'd trade this house any day for being with you.

476. There's no question about that.

477. - That's not even a consideration. - Yeah.

478. I feel the same way.

479. Dad, guess what's coming.

480. A-ha, excellent.

481. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

482. - Isn't that good stuff? - Yeah.

483. Carl, thank you. You're the best.

484. Yeah. Thank you, Carl.

485. - I think that's good. - It's wonderful.

486. Yeah, she looks very happy there.

487. You got me all this stuff here,

488. it's gonna be hard to get rid of me.

489. As much as I may be trying to kill you off,

490. I'm not trying to get rid of you.

491. It's hard to believe. That's all right, I'm a believer.

492. - You're a believer. - I'm a true believer.

493. Yeah, good show, sweetie.

494. You guys look great.

495. Can I tell you something? It looks...

496. This is pretty cool.

497. They said they wanted us to come to their house...

498. Want another one? Oh, yeah, you guys.

499. We're raising a glass to Forrest Vu.

500. Cheers, cheers, cheers.

501. - Did he die? - No! Born!

502. She.

503. She is born. Viva, raise your glass.

504. Is today a school day?

505. It sure is. We're all going.

506. Come on, guys. Let's do it. Dad, you coming?

507. - We're missing... - We're missing one person.

508. I know. He's coming.

509. - You got my wallet? - You don't need it.

510. One.

511. Two.

512. - Where is my wallet? - It's in the house.

513. - Should I go get it? - No, I got money.

514. You don't need it. We're not getting anything.

515. All right.

516. Nice. Nicely done.

517. The car's here, guys.

518. Watch out. Watch where you're going.

519. You guys watching for bicycles? Can you watch for me?

520. Okay, all right.

521. I'm gonna go down and get back, and get my dad. I'll be back.

522. Just watch the bikes, Dad.

523. Classic.

524. Toot-toot.

525. You gotta jump out, Felix.

526. Have a good day, guys.

527. Okay, you did it.

528. So I... I have... I really don't have any regrets.

529. - Right. - Everything's a trade-off.

530. Do you feel like you had a...

531. Ever had a fantasy of what you would do with this period of your life?

532. I don't think so.

533. - You didn't even think about it. - No, I didn't.

534. You didn't think about the future.

535. I'm pretty good about living in the here and the now.

536. I'm gonna be happy with the windows down.

537. I'm gonna figure out what's rattling back here.

538. Okay. Yeah, we're good.

539. All right. I can't...

540. I think we've got our up and down the highway pretty good.

541. Okay.

542. We're gonna do some memory testing.

543. I'm gonna give you five words to remember for me, okay? Ready?

544. Face, velvet, church, daisy, and red.

545. Can you repeat them?

546. Face.

547. Velvet.

548. Red.

549. And I for... I don't know.

550. I'm gonna do them one more time. Ready?

551. Face, velvet, church, daisy, and red.

552. Face, velvet, daisy, and red.

553. Okay.

554. If I tell you that a banana and an orange

555. are the same because they're both fruit,

556. how are a what... How are a train and bicycle the same?

557. They're means of transportation.

558. Excellent.

559. Remember those words I asked you to remember?

560. Okay, one was a color.

561. You remember any of them?

562. One was a body part.

563. - Face. - Okay. Good.

564. - Okay. So he scored 22 in 2017... - Uh-huh.

565. - ...he's scoring 19 now. - Oh. I'm falling apart.

566. Do you think your memory is the same?

567. - Oh, it's better. - It's better than it was?

568. I don't know, it's probably the same.

569. - Okay. Do... - I don't think it's any worse.

570. Okay. So that's why we're gonna ask your daughter

571. for some information, if that's okay.

572. Well, okay.

573. Okay, so do you think his memory is changing?

574. Yeah, you know, I...

575. I was trying to think of something to say,

576. but I couldn't stop thinking about what's coming.

577. His moments of forgetfulness are going to spread.

578. He'll ask the same questions over and over again.

579. His eyes will get that distant look.

580. And his personality will begin to fade away.

581. And he won't be able to follow what I'm saying,

582. so I won't be able to ask him any more advice.

583. And the whole time, we'll just be trying to get by.

584. Sound speed.

585. - Cue me when you want me to walk. - Take four, B marker.

586. Okay, are you good? All right, so, Dad, we can start walking.

587. Let's start walking, just start walking to me,

588. you're doing a great speed. That's fantastic.

589. Just keep on walking.

590. Watch your step here 'cause it's bumpy.

591. Just... be careful,

592. - you're doing great. - Eight feet.

593. Okay, so, Dad, just watch your step, and Jake...

594. Down.

595. Okay, uh...

596. Okay, three, two, one, drop.

597. Oh, no, that's me.

598. Oh, it hurts so bad.

599. Oh, you made that poor guy fall instead of me.

600. By the way, that's all...

601. They're wearing you out.

602. They're wearing you out. I get scared.

603. Did you get me good on the sound?

604. - Yeah, I heard that. - Was it...

605. Kirsten has a mic, so even though I was far away,

606. - I heard it on Kirsten's mic. - Yeah.

607. Yeah. And I get scared each time,

608. - 'cause I see this red jacket falling... - Oh, yeah.

609. - ...and I think it's you. - It is me.

610. It's only you once.

611. - That was enough to make my heart flutter. - Oh, thank you.

612. - Go up to the door and ring? - Yeah.

613. - Is anybody there? - Yep. Try it.

614. All right. Here goes.

615. I don't think anybody's there.

616. How do you do?

617. This is Lolita?

618. Oh, it's so good to see you.

619. You look just the same.

620. Uh... you haven't changed a bit either.

621. I would know you anywhere.

622. And let's make an agreement that neither of us ever will.

623. Oh, okay.

624. - We'll just always be the same. - Excellent.

625. Come on in.

626. Thanks.

627. Not many people go back as far as we do.

628. - Nope. - And we meet each other

629. - and we pick up where we left off. - That's right.

630. You're the best.

631. I blame his constant association with formaldehyde.

632. - Such a potent poison. - He was a pathologist, wasn't he?

633. - In every sense of the word. - Yeah.

634. He told me that when he goes into the morgue

635. and he sees all these tables with a body on it,

636. he just felt a thrill go through him.

637. And he said, "That's all a mystery..."

638. - Yeah. - "...and I'm the only one.

639. - That can figure it out." - That can solve it.

640. I thought, well, cheap thrill, you're welcome to it.

641. Leave me out of it.

642. Did it change your relationship to death, Lolita,

643. being with a pathologist so long? Did you think differently about death?

644. Well... I don't know. I suppose, a little bit, but...

645. It's just inevitable...

646. - and a part of who we all are. - Yeah.

647. Are you still a believer? Do you go to church?

648. - What's your relationship to all that? - Oh, I'm definitely a believer.

649. I don't worry about it.

650. The Bible says that people will be resurrected, that's good enough for me.

651. You're not worried about the details.

652. Nah.

653. Those are pretty clothes, but you would have been prettier without them.

654. You don't know all the sagging that's been going on.

655. Oh. Of course I know. Of course I know.

656. You know, wrinkles make twice as much surface area, really.

657. - Oh, yes. - Really, it's improved by the wrinkles.

658. - You don't really have many... - I need some.

659. - I need some. Yeah. - Yes. Yes.

660. That's looking good, guys.

661. Wake up. It's time to get up.

662. He's heavy.

663. Oh, my gosh, Grandpa.

664. Hello.

665. Wake up or I'm gonna pull your pants off.

666. I don't think I warrant all this attention.

667. I know. I don't know how this is happening,

668. but we're getting paid to do this, so...

669. - Really? - Yep.

670. I'm not getting paid, am I?

671. No.

672. Well, why do you become a documentarian?

673. Why not just make fiction films, where the big bucks are?

674. Well, real life

675. is often much more fascinating than what you can make up.

676. So, you're paid for the adventure-making.

677. Mmm-hmm. Exactly.

678. Do you remember when your mom came to live with us?

679. Remember she got senile and she lived with us?

680. - At Bozarts? - Where were you living?

681. No, I was there.

682. You were there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, when you were a child.

683. - Yeah, exactly. - Right, I remember that.

684. And now you're recreating history.

685. Yeah, our history's... history's bending back on itself.

686. What do you remember about that time with your mo... Grandma?

687. With Grandma? What I remember is that, um,

688. we always wanted her to make that, um...

689. either the coconut cream pie or the chocolate cream pie,

690. - and she kept making... - It was coconut cream.

691. Yeah, we wanted the coconut cream pie,

692. and she kept making the banana cream pie.

693. And it would just be so disappointing.

694. Chocolate ice cream.

695. Nice.

696. So nice.

697. Life is good.

698. Ooh, bummer. You missed the house, Dad.

699. - I missed the house. - Yeah.

700. - Is this the house? - Yeah.

701. - With the wolf on it? - Yeah.

702. That was it.

703. It's the house, all right.

704. Now, the question is, do you know which room you live in?

705. - Yeah. - Where do you live?

706. - Right in this room here. - Nicely done.

707. - You mind if I sit down? - No. Are you tired?

708. Would you like this...

709. No, leave it in, leave it in. Thank you.

710. I'm gonna sit down.

711. Ah, how sweet it is. Yes, indeed.

712. You tired?

713. Am I tired? My feet are like concrete blocks.

714. I don't really notice a big problem with my memory.

715. I think it's more apparent to people around me than it is to me.

716. You do experience worry that you'll be a burden.

717. Yeah.

718. What does that mean to you?

719. Nothing much more than, uh, it says. I, you know...

720. You know, if I... I... I sort of...

721. I'm living with you now, and, uh...

722. I... For you, it might get worse, you know?

723. You might have to take care of me more than you do now.

724. But, uh, I like living with you, so I'm not terribly worried about it.

725. Do you have any... I mean, there are some people who feel like,

726. if it gets worse to a certain place, I don't want to live.

727. No, I love life too much for that.

728. So you would be interested in living to the state

729. that Mom was in where she couldn't communicate?

730. Yeah, I think so. But I give you permission to euthanize me.

731. At what point do I have permission to do that?

732. Well... pass it by me before you do it.

733. Hey, buddy, you want a coffee?

734. No. What I really want is a beer.

735. I'm bleeding!

736. No, I'm bleeding to death.

737. I'm dying.

738. So this is what I'm gonna stick to your neck,

739. and this is where the blood will actually come out of.

740. This is going to go along here,

741. and then all of this is gonna go

742. - back down through your wardrobe. - Down here.

743. Then I pump the blood through there, which forces it to shoot right out.

744. Where are you getting the blood?

745. - Right here. - Right here. From the makeup store.

746. - Not from you... - It's the makeup store.

747. That's my real blood?

748. - No. We would never do that. - No, no, no. Never.

749. Oh, I thought you just explained to me how you did it.

750. No, it's all fake. With fake blood.

751. - It's like paint. - Oh, that's a relief.

752. Yeah.

753. I thought you were talking...

754. - Gotta do a transfusion. - ...about my blood.

755. - No, they don't want your blood. - Good.

756. I like my blood, I've grown accustomed to its...

757. - You can hang on to all of your blood. - Good.

758. Not a drop of your blood will be spilled on this plan.

759. Excellent. Very good.

760. So you feel comfortable with it?

761. - I'm comfortable with that. - Great.

762. I would say just keep saying the words "fake blood."

763. Let's all only use the word "fake blood."

764. - Yes. - That's the way to do it.

765. I'd say stick with the fake blood...

766. - You got it. - ...and you're in good shape.

767. Dad once told me that when he first fell in love with Mom,

768. he doubted that someone as extraordinary as her

769. would ever accept him.

770. He felt so much shame about the strangeness of his feet,

771. and he didn't want to reveal them to anyone.

772. But then he learned about the grief she was hiding.

773. On the day of her graduation from college, a drunk driver crashed into her car,

774. killing her mother, who was riding alongside her in the passenger seat.

775. My mom was a visual person.

776. She photographed flowers and landscapes.

777. She and I shared a love of the color orange.

778. But when I think of that moment, when she looked over

779. and saw her beloved mother suddenly dead right next to her,

780. I feel like I could now finally understand

781. why she wanted to forever turn away from things that were difficult to see.

782. It would be so easy if loving only gave us the beautiful.

783. But what loving demands is that we face the fear of losing each other.

784. That when it gets messy, we hold each other close.

785. And when we can, we defiantly celebrate our brief moments of joy.

786. This is worse than my heart attack.

787. - Really? Scarier? - Yeah.

788. Much worse. I mean, much more unpleasant. Much more painful.

789. - Really? - Yeah.

790. - What's painful? - The wet and cold.

791. Yeah.

792. I think we gotta stop.

793. I'm so glad, the blood, it's good, right?

794. - Totally. - Otherwise, I think, "What's going on?"

795. Uh, well...

796. - maybe ten different people... - Ten different people?

797. ...from the last 30 years I've been here in New York.

798. - You've taken care... - I have experience

799. with different kind cancer patients.

800. Paranoia. Stroke patients.

801. I can take this. Thank you.

802. Thank you. Sorry to interrupt.

803. You're not interrupting, Dad. We're talking about...

804. We're just talking about how much Marta knows about...

805. about what people go through at the end of their lives.

806. - Yeah. - Yeah.

807. She's saying she's accompanied ten different people.

808. - Wow. - Yeah.

809. And now there's 11.

810. And I know the families, and...

811. - Yeah. - Mmm-hmm.

812. Everybody's different.

813. It's sort of like being a psychiatrist, in a way.

814. Right, it is, yeah. Mmm-hmm. It's a mental health profession.

815. It's a mental health profession, caregiving. Right?

816. - Yep. - Mmm-hmm.

817. You've both dealt with...

818. paranoia, schizophrenia, psychotic behavior.

819. People losing their minds.

820. I think, in my experience, is if you're accepting stuff, right,

821. - the life, it's much easier. - Mmm-hmm.

822. Much easier. And fighting something that you can't...

823. - Right. - Fighting it doesn't bring it back.

824. - No. You can't control so many things. - Yeah. Hmm.

825. Especially you can't control sickness,

826. - the conditions... - Certainly can't.

827. - You can't control death. - You can't control people.

828. - You just... You have to accept. - Mmm-hmm.

829. - Deal with it. - Deal with.

830. I remember I work in New Jersey, I save life a few times

831. for a man who had heart attack.

832. After that, I remember he gave me $20 after that.

833. Like a tip.

834. "It means so much for me. Like, you saved my life."

835. Bye.

836. See you tomorrow.

837. I love the bunny.

838. So great.

839. We all need a little bunny with us at these times.

840. Yeah.

841. Yeah, it definitely feels like he's sleeping more and more, doesn't it?

842. - What? - We should stop harassing you

843. with this camera, huh?

844. No, it's all right. I don't mind.

845. I don't consider it harassment.

846. The fact that he's willing to keep doing this is...

847. - It's amazing. - Right?

848. He's doing for you.

849. - Yeah. - With love.

850. He's doing it for me with love. He'll do anything for me.

851. I mean, I just have to be careful about, like...

852. you know, not overstepping the bounds of what's decent for him,

853. but it's hard to know what that is anymore.

854. Yeah, he's happy. He's laughing no matter what.

855. - He is. Yeah. - Right?

856. And he's accepting... I mean, he's very smart.

857. - But the memory, what you gonna do? - Yeah.

858. - Mmm, how sweet it is. - Pretty sweet.

859. Shut the door behind you when you leave,

860. because the light's on and it keeps me awake.

861. Okay. It's actually daytime, so...

862. So, you know that you woke up in the middle of the night last night

863. - multiple times... - Mmm-hmm.

864. ...uh, and you were looking for a patient.

865. What was I looking for?

866. You thought that the living room was the waiting room.

867. Is that right?

868. - And this was your office. - How about that?

869. And you kept checking to see if a patient was waiting there.

870. Do you remember any of that?

871. - No. - Yeah.

872. - Isn't that interesting? - Yeah.

873. And you were fully dressed...

874. ...so it was 3:00 in the morning.

875. And you got dressed and came looking for the patient.

876. Was I all dressed earlier?

877. - Well, you were asleep in bed... - Yeah.

878. ...and then you got dressed and you came to look for the patient.

879. - I got dressed to come out? - Yeah.

880. 'Cause I must have thought somebody was out there.

881. I was.

882. And the kids were, too.

883. - But you were in bed. - Yeah, we were asleep.

884. You were asleep. You should not let me get away with that.

885. How would I stop you?

886. Wake me up. Send me back to bed.

887. - I did send you back to bed. - Did I go?

888. Yeah, and then you came back again.

889. - You came back three times. - Did I really?

890. Yeah. 'Cause you were really convinced that, um...

891. - there was a patient out there. - How about that?

892. - What can we do about that? - I don't know.

893. Well, just more forcibly go back... Wake me up and tell me,

894. you know, you... you... "You no longer have a practice,

895. this is not your office, this is where you're living and sleeping,

896. and go back to bed.

897. You're bothering me and the children."

898. I feel like you guys have a ton of candy,

899. I can only imagine how...

900. Come here, let me see, let me see.

901. How much you got?

902. Okay, we're crossing, guys. Crossing.

903. Can we cross the street?

904. You want more candy over there?

905. We have to get Grandpa, and let Marco go home...

906. - Where's your dad? - In your apartment.

907. Hopefully.

908. Hold on.

909. Where are they? Oh, they're that way? They must be.

910. - Can you see them? - Okay.

911. Here's what happened, I'll tell you.

912. You gotta get into the car, come around that side,

913. be really careful of the traffic.

914. You were at the house of one of the kids,

915. and then we sat you down in front of the TV

916. - 'cause you were tired. - Right.

917. - Then we went out... - Yeah.

918. ...and we came back.

919. You left me in the house, nobody else was there?

920. Yeah, you were watching TV. We left you watching TV.

921. Well, it was different, it was a...

922. not... not knowable place.

923. - I hadn't been there before. - Yeah.

924. Anyway, you found me, and I'm grateful for you,

925. and grateful that you found me. Okay?

926. - And rescuing me. - We'll never lose you.

927. - I hope that's right. - Yeah.

928. I sure could have been lost, though.

929. Did it feel...

930. If you hadn't come back with those people...

931. I have no idea what I would've done.

932. Oh, man, sweetie, your father is a wreck.

933. Happy Halloween!

934. - I'm glad you found me. - I'm glad we found you.

935. We built this set imagining what Dad must have felt like

936. when I left him all alone.

937. But I was nervous putting him into it.

938. It's so rare that he's completely himself anymore.

939. The other night, I stopped him from leaving the apartment at 3:00 a.m.

940. He thought he had a train to catch. He said he was on a secret mission.

941. But when I stepped onto the set to lead him out,

942. there was a moment of clarity,

943. and we both knew what this was really about.

944. It was about what it was about with Mom.

945. That I would have to leave him somewhere. Someday. Somehow.

946. I'll stretch the elastic.

947. - Yep. - Perfect.

948. - You're a trouper. Okay. - Yep. Yes, sir.

949. So now just lie down and take a real nap.

950. - Okay. - Put your feet up.

951. - I can do that. - Okay.

952. In Adventism, after a global apocalypse, Jesus will return to earth

953. to resurrect His followers, the righteous,

954. and bring them up with Him to heaven for eternity.

955. So in the face of death, there's hope that everything will be okay.

956. But what Adventism recognizes,

957. that I've never grasped before, is that the worst thing,

958. the deepest fear, is being left behind.

959. Dad, you know I'm going to, uh, Israel tonight.

960. Oh, I didn't know that.

961. - You didn't know that? - No.

962. I thought... I thought you remembered.

963. No, I did not.

964. Is it hard on you when I'm gone?

965. Yeah, it's hard. Well, not really. Not actually.

966. - You know I... I miss you. - Yeah.

967. - Yeah. - I miss you.

968. Is there anything you want me to do... Or do while you're gone?

969. - Mmm... - How would you like me to behave?

970. Well, you're doing great behaving.

971. You don't need me to tell you how to behave.

972. - You'll do fine. - Well, that's why you're here.

973. When you're here, I'm behaving greatly.

974. What do you do when I'm gone?

975. That's what I'm asking you to tell me.

976. I don't know what to do without you.

977. - You be careful, okay? - I will be careful.

978. You have this little brother that you need to take care of.

979. - Are you my little brother? - I'm your little brother,

980. who's now demented, you know?

981. That's so cute that I'm your little brother. You're my little brother.

982. I'm your little brother.

983. I'm no longer your father, I'm your little brother.

984. What does the little brother do?

985. Oh, he just tags along behind. Gets in your way.

986. - Little brothers don't get in your way. - They do.

987. - Little brothers are fun. - Are they? Okay.

988. I love you.

989. Mmm. Your eyes get a little, like, teary.

990. - Yeah. - Are those real tears,

991. or it's just your eyes are that way?

992. - That's real, they're real tears. - Aw.

993. I'm sorry to admit it.

994. From joy. Love.

995. That's great.

996. What you guys have to do...

997. ...is you each have to fill

998. your pie plate with the chocolate first.

999. - What do you think, Felix? - Um, is this good?

1000. I'm excited you guys are making the cake

1001. for Grandpa's 86th birthday. Just to have forever.

1002. - Wow, that's awesome. - Right?

1003. That's so cool.

1004. - Don't look! - Don't look.

1005. - Did he see? - Will you fix my TV for me?

1006. - I don't think he saw. - Did you see?

1007. - What did I see? I saw... - You saw?

1008. ...uh, some cake.

1009. But lucky... lucky he won't... He will forget, right?

1010. I think so. He won't remember that we're making a cake.

1011. - Don't look! - Okay.

1012. - Can somebody fix my TV for me? - Leave.

1013. - Yeah. I can. - I'm coming.

1014. - Thank you. - Let's put on Kirk's show.

1015. We find leaves both above and below the K-T boundary,

1016. but they're different leaves.

1017. So there was not only a dinosaur extinction,

1018. but there was a major plant extinction as well.

1019. With little to eat, dinosaurs, mosasaurs,

1020. and nearly 75 % of known species go extinct.

1021. Can you do it? Just hold it, it's heavy.

1022. Oh, wow!

1023. Wow!

1024. - I have never seen a prettier cake. - And there's a other cake!

1025. - Make the "8" stand up? - I can.

1026. - Look at that. 86, is that right? - 86.

1027. - It should be 88, shouldn't it? - No.

1028. Make a wish.

1029. Yay!

1030. Well done. Well done.

1031. Yay.

1032. - I wanna cut in the middle. - Can I cut, too? I wanna cut.

1033. Everyone's gonna get a chance to cut. Wait.

1034. - One at a time. Let her do it first. - Wait.

1035. Remember to save some pieces for the people. Oh, yeah.

1036. - That's why we're cutting so many. - Way to go.

1037. - My turn! - Wow.

1038. - Nice. - Nicely done.

1039. I'll tell you, it's the best chocolate cake I ever had.

1040. And I had a lot of chocolate cakes.

1041. - That's true. - I bet.

1042. This is the best.

1043. - Kids, what do you think? - Wow.

1044. Oh, who made the cake?

1045. What do you think...

1046. Did you eat it?

1047. - Did you eat it? - Yes.

1048. Six-one-one with a notification.

1049. We have an 86-year-old male in cardiac arrest witnessed,

1050. the patient's currently in V-fib, one shock delivered,

1051. CPR is in progress, ETA is about six minutes.

1052. Thank you so much.

1053. We're gonna do a pulse check, rhythm check after this. Not a problem, ma'am.

1054. Analyzing now.

1055. Still in V-fib. Jimmy, pull over, we're gonna shock one more time.

1056. Shock advised now.

1057. It's still stopped, there's one second, charging.

1058. - Clear, clear. - Clear? All clear.

1059. Charged, shock delivered.

1060. - Go ahead, Jimmy. Continue CPR. - Ten-four.

1061. Push analyze.

1062. Go ahead, Jimmy.

1063. - Three, four, five, six, seven. - Analyzing now.

1064. Ma'am, you gotta sit down over there,

1065. put on your seatbelt, for your safety. And I will explain it while I go.

1066. Five, six, seven, eight.

1067. He's still in V-fib. We're gonna shock one more time.

1068. Did his heart stop again?

1069. No, it's still stopped, there's one second, charging.

1070. - Clear. Clear? - Clear.

1071. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

1072. One day I was going to work, and on the way to work,

1073. I witnessed the suicide of a woman...

1074. who jumped two meters ahead of me from the bridge.

1075. The first thing that I did when I came to work was to send an email to...

1076. Dick. Uh, it had only one word in it.

1077. It was a subject line, it said, "Help."

1078. And he called me right away.

1079. His ability to recognize the hurt and the loss,

1080. and to find the best way through that, was something incredible.

1081. He was the first person I called when my husband died.

1082. And it kind of broke my heart a few days later when I saw him...

1083. when he gave me a big hug...

1084. and then five minutes later, asked me how is my husband doing.

1085. And I realized...

1086. this is yet another kind of loss. The loss of memory.

1087. But I know one thing, that for as long as my memory lives...

1088. the memory of him will be in me.

1089. Thank you.

1090. Dick loved to attend the many parties at our home.

1091. He loved my tradition of ending a party on a happy note.

1092. Around 10:00 p.m., I would ring a bell, get everybody's attention,

1093. and with a loud voice, announce,

1094. "You have eaten all my food, you have drunk all my wine,

1095. you said everything worth hearing, now it's time to go home."

1096. Before they left, I would play a tune on my hunting horn

1097. called "Going Away."

1098. Boy, I gotta get through this.

1099. Dick came over and said, "Ray...

1100. if you outlive me,

1101. I want you to play 'Going Away...'" Oh, God.

1102. "I want you to play 'Going Away' at my funeral."

1103. I spent every Saturday of my childhood in this church.

1104. Mom's funeral was here.

1105. And just before we moved Dad from Seattle to New York,

1106. a little over three years ago,

1107. our family, our friends, our congregation,

1108. all gathered with generosity and love

1109. to let us film this farewell to Dad.

1110. Even knowing that he was still alive.

1111. Today is not a happy day. I promised him I would play...

1112. My lip muscles are weak, my breath is limited, but, Dick,

1113. I'll try. I'll keep my promise.

1114. I think he thinks it's the real thing.

1115. See you later, Dick.

1116. Are you ready, Dad?

1117. We were so happy with ourselves that day.

1118. We thought that maybe we could stop what was coming.

1119. That we'd found a way to hold on.

1120. Or almost found a way.

1121. What can you say when you've lost a best friend?

1122. Or a mother?

1123. Or your best friend and your father?

1124. All I know is that Dick Johnson is dead.

1125. All I know is that Dick Johnson is dead.

1126. All I can say is Dick Johnson is dead.

1127. And all I want to say is long live, Dick Johnson.

1128. Thank you.