1. Seventh-grader.
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2. Sounds a lot better
than sixth-grader.
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3. This is a Greg thing.
I don't see why I had to come.
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4. Because, Rodrick,
this is a family event,
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5. and like it or not, you're
part of the Heffley family.
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6. Yeah. That and we already
paid for your ticket.
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7. I'd like to give a warm
welcome to Westmore seventh-graders!
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8. A new year
of school starting.
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9. Hi!
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10. Rowley!
Greg!
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11. Alakazam!
Alaka-zoo-wee Mama!
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12. What are you doing?
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13. It's a magic wand.
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14. Do you want
to see a trick?
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15. Only if the trick is to
make the thing disappear.
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16. Just
put it in your pocket!
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17. You don't want to give away
your best tricks in public.
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18. So, how was your summer?
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19. That sounds
pretty rough.
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20. The only good thing
that happened
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21. was I got rid of
the Cheese Touch.
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22. Who'd you give it to?
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23. The new kid.
Jeremy Pindle.
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24. Cheese Touch!
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25. Hey, guys!
Anyone for pizza?
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26. Hey! Thanks, Fregley.
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27. You know,
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28. I can't believe people leave
perfectly good food just lying around.
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29. I'll save that
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30. for later.
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31. Let's skate.
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32. I'd like to give a
shout out to Taylor Pringle!
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33. Uh-oh, dork alert!
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34. Happy birthday, Taylor!
Five years young.
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35. I hope your
party's a blast.
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36. Rowley,
stop pulling me down!
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37. Ho, ho, ho
It's magic
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38. You know
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39. Who is that?
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40. Her name is Holly Hills.
She just moved here.
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41. What grade is she in?
Seventh.
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42. She's an all-star
soccer player,
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43. has done
professional modeling,
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44. and was her sixth grade
class president.
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45. She moved here from Oregon because
her father got a big promotion.
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46. They drive a hybrid SUV,
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47. live on the north side of town
in a cul-de-sac near the park.
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48. What? I googled her!
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49. She's a picture of loveliness, is she not?
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50. She's almost as
pretty as my mom.
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51. She's going to be
very popular.
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52. Sit here!
Sit here!
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53. Please, everyone, sit
down. We have our seats.
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54. It's magic, you know
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55. Never believe it's not so
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56. Excuse me.
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57. What?
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58. I said, excuse me.
You're blocking the exit.
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59. Oh, sorry.
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60. That's okay.
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61. I'm Chirag Gupta.
And I'm single.
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62. Wow. My name is...
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63. We know exactly
who you are.
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64. Holly Hills of
432 Embury Lane.
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65. No, we don't know who you are.
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66. We have no idea
who you are.
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67. Okay! Well, I think I'm
going to go skating now.
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68. Please congratulate your
father on his promotion from me!
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69. "We know exactly who you are"?
You trying to scare her?
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70. Does it really matter?
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71. A girl like that is out of
your league anyway, Gregory.
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72. She's new. She isn't out
of anyone's league yet.
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73. She doesn't know
the social pecking order.
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74. if there was ever a time
for me to make a move,
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75. it's now.
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76. Hey, Greg!
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77. Can you break a leg or
something so we can leave?
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78. Oh!
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79. That'll never happen.
Not a chance.
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80. There's no way that girl
will ever talk to you.
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81. Yeah, well,
I just talked to her
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82. and we'll probably
skate later.
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83. Really? Okay.
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84. Well, you see
that clock?
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85. They play a slow song at the top
of every hour for couples skate.
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86. if you're so confident,
ask her to skate.
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87. Maybe I will.
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88. What you waiting
for, wimp?
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89. You the man!
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90. Look, if we can
get out to Holly
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91. and be standing right next
to her when the clock changes,
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92. then I can ask her to skate
and she'll have to say yes.
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93. I don't know
about that.
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94. Oh, honey, hi!
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95. Remember when we were
young like this,
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96. and we used to dance and go to
parties, and things like that?
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97. Whoo!
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98. I'm going in.
Cover me!
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99. Girl you are to me
all that a woman should be
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100. And I dedicate my life...
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101. All rockers and
hardcore skaters off the rink,
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102. unless you're
looking for love.
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103. It's time for
couples skate.
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104. I'm making my move.
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105. Stop! Enough of that total
lameness! Who's ready to rock? Yeah!
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106. Come on, let's get
out of here. Come on.
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107. What are we gonna do? Stay calm.
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108. All we have to do
is just stay here.
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109. Whoa! Whoa!
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110. Rowley! Hang on!
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111. Greg Heffley!
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112. This is your mother.
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113. Everything is
going to be okay.
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114. Stay where you are, and your
father is going to come rescue you.
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115. I repeat, everything
is going to be okay.
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116. Okay, here he comes. Here comes
Frank. I see him. He's on his way.
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117. Dad!
I know, I know.
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118. Okay. All right, everyone,
go back to skating!
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119. You all right?
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120. Hey, Romeo, how'd it go with the new girl?
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121. Whoa!
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122. You ruined
my birthday!
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123. You jerk!
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124. Ow! Ow! That hurt!
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125. Rodrick!
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126. Here, catch!
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127. Let me start by saying that having
a brother is really overrated.
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128. Rowley always says he
wishes he had a brother,
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129. and, boy, do I wish I
could give him one of mine.
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130. I've looked into it and,
unfortunately, it's not legal,
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131. I mean, Manny has been telling on me
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132. ever since he was
able to speak.
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133. Bubby did it.
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134. Bubby did it.
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135. Greg!
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136. And Rodrick is
the king of laziness.
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137. Except when it comes
to torturing me.
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138. My mom has
started writing
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139. an advice column
for the local paper.
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140. She wrote an article
last week
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141. about how your brothers
will always be there for you.
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142. Well, that's exactly
what I'm afraid of.
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143. Hey, Bubby.
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144. Got to go, Mom.
Later, Mom.
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145. Yeah, see you, hon.
Okay, okay, wait.
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146. Hold on.
Wait a second.
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147. I need a moment
for a family meeting.
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148. Now, your father and I
have been talking.
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149. Things between you two have
really gotten out of hand.
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150. Can I just say...
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151. You may not
realize it now,
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152. but having a brother is one of the most
important relationships of your life.
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153. I mean, one day you're gonna be Uncle Greg
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154. and Uncle Rodrick
to each other's kids.
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155. That's important. So you need
to get to know each other.
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156. What?
What?
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157. You need to spend more time together. What?
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158. So that's why I've come up
with a new program
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159. that's going to reward you
for spending time together.
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160. I'm calling it
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161. "Mom Bucks."
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162. You're paying us with fake money? Yeah.
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163. Okay, now, for every hour that you
spend together without fighting,
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164. for example, let's say you
give Greg a drum lesson,
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165. you each earn
a Mom Buck,
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166. which you can then trade
in for one real dollar.
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167. Oh.
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168. So, to start you off, I'm
giving you each five Mom Bucks.
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169. Now, if you're smart, you'll
save up your Mom Bucks...
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170. Can I cash out now?
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171. Well, Rodrick,
if you save...
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172. But can I cash out?
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173. Yes, but...
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174. I want to cash out.
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175. Frank?
I know.
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176. Uh... Okay. Yes, you can. All right.
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177. Okay. All right, great.
We should get going,
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178. because you don't want to be
late for school. All right?
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179. Yeah, gotta go. Let's go. Okay, all right.
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180. This Mom Bucks thing
is a gold mine, muchacho.
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181. You better not
ruin it for me.
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182. Most kids hate it
when summer ends,
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183. but I have to say, right now, school
is starting to look pretty good.
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184. Welcome back.
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185. It's nice not to be
the new kids this year.
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186. I agree.
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187. I know. Look at all
the tiny sixth-graders.
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188. I'm so glad that's
not me this year.
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189. Just a little higher.
Just a little higher.
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190. Whoa! Greg!
Look who's in our class.
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191. This was my chance.
If I could sit next to Holly,
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192. I'd have the whole year
to show her how great I am.
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193. No way, Greg Heffley.
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194. This is my seat.
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195. No, it's not.
I was here first.
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196. It's mine!
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197. Let go!
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198. You know I'm stronger
than you, Greg Heffley.
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199. Don't make me
beat you up again!
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200. Let's get
something straight.
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201. I was sick that day and
I had something in my eye.
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202. Well!
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203. I've never had students so
eager to start the school year.
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204. What's going on?
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205. This is my seat!
This is my seat!
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206. Okay, let's start
again. What are your names?
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207. Patty Farrell,
two R's, two L's.
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208. Greg Heffley.
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209. Would you be related
to Rodrick Heffley?
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210. I've got my eye
on you, Heffley.
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211. There's no way to escape.
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212. It's unbelievable! Even at
school, Rodrick is ruining my life.
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213. Shh!
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214. He might hear you.
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215. Nah. Watch.
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216. Holy cow!
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217. He once slept through
an entire day.
Copy !req
218. Do you have an amazing talent
that you'd like to share?
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219. Today, Plainview City Council
announced a brand-new local contest:
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220. Plainview's Most Talented.
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221. Hey! Greg!
Maybe we should...
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222. Can it,
Chunky Cheese!
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223. Westmore is absolutely packed
to the roof with talent.
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224. The top prize is $1,000
and, of course,
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225. the admiration of your
friends and neighbors.
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226. This is huge. I gotta call
the band. We gotta practice.
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227. This is gonna be
our big break!
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228. Uh-uh-uh.
Wait a second.
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229. Aren't you forgetting something? What?
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230. I showered yesterday.
Smell.
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231. Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay.
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232. We agreed that you'd give
a drum lesson to Greg.
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233. You were serious?
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234. Who knows?
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235. Maybe you guys
will really like it
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236. and we can form a family band.
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237. Hello, world, here's a
song that we're singing
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238. Come on get happy
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239. A whole lotta lovin'
is what we'll be bringing
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240. We'll make you happy
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241. Rodrick says
he's a professional musician,
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242. but as far as I know
the only money he's made,
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243. is when Dad gave him five
bucks once to stop playing.
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244. When do we get to
play the real drums?
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245. Like I'd ever
let you touch them!
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246. Watch and learn,
earthworm!
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247. Hey, I was thinking we
should enter the talent show.
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248. I could do my magic act and
you could be my assistant.
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249. Assistant? No way.
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250. Doing magic tricks
is bad enough.
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251. Assisting the guy
doing the tricks?
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252. I'd never make it
to eighth grade.
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253. What?
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254. Hey, a cookie.
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255. Manny,
what have you done?
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256. I'm only three.
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257. What's going on?
What did you do to him?
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258. Nothing!
He ruined my video game.
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259. Oh! He didn't do anything
on purpose. Did you, honey?
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260. No, I didn't. No, he
didn't. He's only three.
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261. I'm only three!
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262. Okay, let's go, sweetie.
You want another cookie?
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263. It's so unfair.
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264. I have Rodrick making my
life a misery on one side,
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265. and Manny attacking me
from the other.
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266. And I'm the only one who seems
to get blamed for anything.
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267. I wonder what it'd be like to have
a family that actually loves me.
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268. Little boy!
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269. We're a very rich couple with no
children and so much love to share.
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270. Won't you come be
part of our family?
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271. Finally! Someone I can
leave my billions to.
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272. lndia? Why would
you go there?
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273. lndia is fascinating. It's
the jewel of Southeast Asia.
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274. My father has business
to take care of,
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275. so he's taking
the whole family.
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276. Can you bring me
back a cobra?
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277. I want to
teach it to dance!
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278. Wake up! What are
you guys doing over there?
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279. Get the ball! Get the ball, kick it!
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280. Kick it!
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281. Kick it!
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282. Patty Farrell,
you are the man!
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283. Nice running, Heffley. Just
have to work on the direction.
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284. Wow. Holly Hills is better than
Bryce. And he's an all-star!
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285. Well, I'm sure
your soccer skills
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286. made a great
impression on her.
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287. Go strike while
the iron is hot.
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288. You'll see.
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289. When you come back
from lndia,
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290. she'll be
hanging out with me.
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291. I would love for
that to be true, Gregory.
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292. It would provide hope for
smaller boys everywhere,
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293. but girls like that just don't
hang out with guys like us.
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294. So, listen, you don't have to worry
about being in my magic show anymore,
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295. 'cause I got Scotty from my
karate class to be my assistant.
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296. Scotty?
isn't he like eight?
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297. He'll be eight.
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298. Get in.
Why?
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299. What are you
doing here?
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300. Mom said she'll
pay Mom Bucks
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301. if I drive you
home from school.
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302. We'd rather walk.
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303. Get in! Now!
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304. What happened to the seats?
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305. I needed the room
for my new equipment.
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306. How'd you have
the money for that?
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307. You know, Mom Bucks.
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308. There's no way. He only earned like five.
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309. We got to figure out what song
we're playing at the talent contest.
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310. Easy. Devil's Diper.
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311. A ballad? Really, dude? We got
to lift them out of their seats!
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312. I got it.
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313. Exploded Diper!
Exploded Diper!
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314. Slow down, guys!
Slow down!
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315. Whoa!
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316. This Mom Bucks thing
isn't working out.
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317. Now Rodrick can get paid
for beating me up.
Copy !req
318. Oh...
Copy !req
319. Mom, why are you
writing about me again?
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320. It's embarrassing.
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321. What? You know how
important honesty is to me.
Copy !req
322. And, Rowley, good news.
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323. I called your mom and
she gave her permission
Copy !req
324. for you to come with us to
Rockin' Rapids next weekend.
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325. Two days on the biggest
water slides in the world!
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326. It's gonna be great!
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327. Thank you,
Mrs. Heffley,
Copy !req
328. but I think I'd like to stay
home and practice my magic act.
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329. I just want to
perfect my art.
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330. Come on,
let's go upstairs.
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331. Mom, can I use your computer for homework?
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332. For homework, right?
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333. Yeah. Definitely.
Homework only.
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334. I'm sorry, Bubby.
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335. What's this?
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336. It's a gift from Manny.
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337. He made it for you because
he wanted to say he was sorry
Copy !req
338. for breaking your video
game. Isn't that cute?
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339. It looks dangerous. What
if I sat on that thing?
Copy !req
340. Greg!
What are you doing?
Copy !req
341. Tell Manny
you love his gift.
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342. You're so lucky you
don't have any brothers.
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343. You're kind of
like my brother.
Copy !req
344. And shouldn't we
be looking up things
Copy !req
345. for your "hundred years ago" assignment?
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346. She looks like she was born 100 years ago.
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347. Ahhh!
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348. Oh, I hope she's okay.
She sounded pretty hurt.
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349. Are you kidding me?
She's famous,
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350. and I heard
she's a millionaire.
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351. I would love to be her!
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352. You do know
she was faking it?
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353. Really?
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354. Of course.
Copy !req
355. Anyone can be
an lnternet sensation.
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356. We could.
I'm listening.
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357. You just have to work
with what you got.
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358. Wake up in the morning
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359. feeling like P. Diddy
Copy !req
360. Grab my glasses on, I'm out
the door I'm gonna hit this city
Copy !req
361. Before I leave, brush my
teeth with a bottle of Jack
Copy !req
362. 'Cause when I leave for the
night, I ain't coming back
Copy !req
363. I'm talking,
playing our favorite CD's
Copy !req
364. Pulling up to the parties
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365. Trying to get
a little bit tipsy
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366. Okay, three,
two, one, fall.
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367. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
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368. It looks fake.
It has to look real.
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369. But how do I fake it if I'm
actually falling backwards?
Copy !req
370. Maybe you need a gimmick,
so people notice you.
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371. Oh.
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372. Wear this on your head.
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373. Now, do it again.
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374. Why can't you be the one that
falls backwards in the chair?
Copy !req
375. Because I'm not the one wearing
the underwear on my head.
Copy !req
376. Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Copy !req
377. Remember when
I broke my arm?
Copy !req
378. That didn't feel
good at...
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379. I can't believe you sat on the
tinfoil ball! We're going to be rich!
Copy !req
380. Okay, Rowley.
Copy !req
381. Hold still. Oy!
Copy !req
382. My computer was supposed
to be for homework only.
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383. You lied to me. You know
how I feel about that.
Copy !req
384. Mom, from now on,
I'll be 100% honest.
Copy !req
385. Well, that Iasted
about a week.
Copy !req
386. Mom somehow didn't appreciate the
completely honest version of me.
Copy !req
387. Happy birthday,
Grandpa!
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388. Next year, I want
a chocolate cake.
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389. That is, if you're alive next year.
Copy !req
390. Greg!
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391. Honesty, Mom!
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392. Mom, it's Mrs. Gillman
from the PTA.
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393. Tell her I'm not here!
Copy !req
394. But that would be lying
Copy !req
395. and I don't do
that anymore.
Copy !req
396. I'm sorry, Mrs. Gillman, but my
mom isn't in the house right now.
Copy !req
397. On weekends, I try to stay as
far away from my brothers as possible.
Copy !req
398. But on Sunday morning,
I have no choice.
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399. Poopy!
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400. Huh?
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401. Greg! It looks like
he has a candy bar on there.
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402. Manny!
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403. Frank, you're
gonna have to do something.
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404. Yeah,
I'll get a rag.
Copy !req
405. Dad, stop it!
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406. Hold still!
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407. All right,
let me see.
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408. You're fine.
Can't even tell.
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409. I'm not going in with a
poop stain on my pants.
Copy !req
410. Okay, well,
you can't skip church.
Copy !req
411. No, I'm not
going in like this.
Copy !req
412. Fine.
Copy !req
413. He made them every one
Copy !req
414. Go.
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415. All things
bright and beautiful
Copy !req
416. All creatures
great and small
Copy !req
417. All things
wise and wonderful
Copy !req
418. What are you doing? Go!
Copy !req
419. The Lord God made them all
Copy !req
420. Please be seated.
Copy !req
421. Let me just say
how gratifying it is
Copy !req
422. to see so many smiling faces here today.
Copy !req
423. Mothers and fathers...
Copy !req
424. Okay, we're up.
Copy !req
425. Come on! We're up!
Copy !req
426. But everyone will
see the sweater.
Copy !req
427. People are looking,
okay?
Copy !req
428. So come on. Let's go.
Copy !req
429. Come on.
Copy !req
430. Poop!
Copy !req
431. He's pooped his pants!
Copy !req
432. No, it isn't
what it looks like!
Copy !req
433. It isn't.
It's chocolate!
Copy !req
434. Chocolate. See?
Copy !req
435. What did I say about
being civil to one another?
Copy !req
436. That's all
I asked of you!
Copy !req
437. Well, you have
blown it big time!
Copy !req
438. Never been
more embarrassed!
Copy !req
439. Everyone we know
was there!
Copy !req
440. I have no idea how I'm
gonna write my column this week.
Copy !req
441. I feel like
a complete fraud!
Copy !req
442. Well, you brought
this on yourselves.
Copy !req
443. You can kiss Rockin' Rapids good-bye!
Copy !req
444. You two will stay here all weekend
and work out your differences.
Copy !req
445. And if you don't,
I will.
Copy !req
446. And trust me, you don't
want any part of that.
Copy !req
447. Do you understand?
Copy !req
448. Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Copy !req
449. All right, let's go.
Copy !req
450. And don't have anybody over this weekend.
Copy !req
451. Got it?
Copy !req
452. Snacks in the bowls, ice in
the freezer, cups on the table.
Copy !req
453. Your party
better be good.
Copy !req
454. Our party, little bro.
Copy !req
455. Wait! Whoa, whoa! We need
chairs from the basement.
Copy !req
456. For what?
Copy !req
457. In case we wanna
play musical chairs.
Copy !req
458. I haven't played musical
chairs since the second grade.
Copy !req
459. Well, it comes back
when you hit high school.
Copy !req
460. Wait! You get the chairs.
Copy !req
461. I don't want anyone to be
disappointed. All right?
Copy !req
462. Okay.
All right.
Copy !req
463. Rodrick, help!
The door's closed!
Copy !req
464. Yeah, and it's
staying closed.
Copy !req
465. I don't need a middle-schooler
ruining my party.
Copy !req
466. What? I thought
it was our party!
Copy !req
467. It's my party. Now keep quiet
or I'll lock you in the dryer!
Copy !req
468. Rodrick!
Copy !req
469. Greg!
Copy !req
470. And that's magic!
Copy !req
471. Jefferson residence.
Rowley speaking.
Copy !req
472. Rowley, I need
your help! Now!
Copy !req
473. Holy pepperoni!
Copy !req
474. Get inside. Open the door and let me out!
Copy !req
475. Yes! You did it!
Copy !req
476. It's a really nice try, Greggy.
Copy !req
477. But whatever you thought,
I already thinked it.
Copy !req
478. When our band is huge, we'll
have parties every night!
Copy !req
479. But they'll be
backstage parties!
Copy !req
480. Sweet! We'll get to go backstage.
Copy !req
481. You, don't touch
that phone!
Copy !req
482. Music off! Everybody freeze!
Copy !req
483. Freeze.
Copy !req
484. if anyone makes a sound,
the party is over
Copy !req
485. and I am a dead man.
So... Shh!
Copy !req
486. Quiet, man!
Copy !req
487. Get back!
Copy !req
488. Shh!
Copy !req
489. Hello?
Rodrick, it's Mom.
Copy !req
490. ls everything okay? It took
a long time for you to answer.
Copy !req
491. Yeah, everything's fine.
I was just washing dishes.
Copy !req
492. Okay, honey. Well, I just wanted
to check in and say I love you,
Copy !req
493. and I'm sorry I was
so harsh earlier.
Copy !req
494. No problem. Bye.
Copy !req
495. Now let me say
good night to Greg.
Copy !req
496. Greg?
Copy !req
497. Oh, uh...
Copy !req
498. He can't. He's asleep.
I don't want to wake him.
Copy !req
499. No, I'm not. I'm right here. Hi, Mom.
Copy !req
500. Hey, Rodrick.
Copy !req
501. Hi, sweetie,
is everything okay?
Copy !req
502. Why were you sleeping so early?
Copy !req
503. Well, actually, I wasn't
sleeping. I'm down in the basement.
Copy !req
504. The basement? What
the heck are you doing down there?
Copy !req
505. Wouldn't you rather be
up here hanging with me?
Copy !req
506. Yeah, I would, Rodrick. Why
don't you come down and get me?
Copy !req
507. Now.
Copy !req
508. I think
they're trying to get along.
Copy !req
509. Huh? That's good.
Good, honey.
Copy !req
510. Okay. Everything is cool here, right, Greg?
Copy !req
511. Yeah, Mom. And I have
your number if I need you.
Copy !req
512. Okay, sweeties. Well, we'll
see you tomorrow. Good night.
Copy !req
513. Listen up.
Copy !req
514. if you do anything that
embarrasses me, anything at all,
Copy !req
515. I will...
Copy !req
516. You'll what?
Copy !req
517. Just stay out
of my way,
Copy !req
518. nerds.
Copy !req
519. I think we should
go upstairs.
Copy !req
520. Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
521. We might not get to go to another
high school party for five more years.
Copy !req
522. We have an
opportunity here,
Copy !req
523. to see things no other kid in
our grade has ever seen before.
Copy !req
524. Like what?
Copy !req
525. Teenage things.
Copy !req
526. Just follow my lead,
and we'll be fine.
Copy !req
527. Hey, watch the elbows,
popcorn dude. Not cool.
Copy !req
528. That was a close one.
Copy !req
529. I didn't know you
could get up there.
Copy !req
530. You should hear my band.
Copy !req
531. We play so loud, we actually
make people's eardrums bleed.
Copy !req
532. Ew.
I mean, not really.
Copy !req
533. I think your
brother likes her!
Copy !req
534. I have to go
find my friend.
Copy !req
535. Yeah, yeah, I know.
Copy !req
536. Reminder! You can't call if you're dead.
Copy !req
537. Dude, this party is dying.
Look, the girls aren't into it.
Copy !req
538. Look, they want
to dance.
Copy !req
539. You don't ask them to
dance, they're gonna leave,
Copy !req
540. then you're just
gonna be that guy
Copy !req
541. who threw the lame
party with no girls.
Copy !req
542. Go ask the girls
to dance!
Copy !req
543. You ask them.
Copy !req
544. No, man. You go
ask the girls to dance.
Copy !req
545. You almost did it.
Copy !req
546. I'm not going to do it!
I've seen you dance!
Copy !req
547. I'm not doing it...
Copy !req
548. Did somebody say "dance"?
Break it down!
Copy !req
549. Rowley, no! Don't!
Copy !req
550. That kid's dead. No, wait,
man. What are you, new?
Copy !req
551. You can't mess with a chubby
kid, the girls'll freak out!
Copy !req
552. I won't call Mom.
You can kill me.
Copy !req
553. Conga!
Copy !req
554. What is he doing?
Copy !req
555. Who cares? I'm going to go squeeze in
Copy !req
556. next to Rachel Lewis
and Amy Ramirez!
Copy !req
557. Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
Shake your body line
Copy !req
558. Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
Shake it all the time
Copy !req
559. My girl's name is Senora
Copy !req
560. I tell you, friends,
I adore her
Copy !req
561. And when she dances,
oh, brother!
Copy !req
562. She's a hurricane
in all kinds of weather
Copy !req
563. Jump in the line,
Rock your body
Copy !req
564. This is great!
Copy !req
565. I know! I wish my mom was here.
Copy !req
566. Your parents are so cool
to let you have this party.
Copy !req
567. Yeah, really cool.
And they can never know.
Copy !req
568. You can talk
about Cha Cha
Copy !req
569. Tango, Waltz,
or the Rumba
Copy !req
570. Senora's dance has no title
Copy !req
571. You jump in the saddle
Hold on to the bridle!
Copy !req
572. Jump in the line,
Rock your body in time
Copy !req
573. Whoa!
Copy !req
574. Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
Shake it all the time
Copy !req
575. Hi. You've reached the Heffley
residence. Please leave a message.
Copy !req
576. Hey, guys. Manny's
sick. We're on our way home.
Copy !req
577. See you in an hour.
Copy !req
578. Holy...
Moly!
Copy !req
579. You are in
so much trouble.
Copy !req
580. Me? You lied to Mom,
just as much as I did.
Copy !req
581. You know how she feels about
lying! She's gonna kill both of us!
Copy !req
582. You do the living room,
I'll start the kitchen. Go!
Copy !req
583. Nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
584. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
585. Nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
586. I'd rather
you didn't than did
Copy !req
587. I'd rather
you didn't get rid
Copy !req
588. Of me at that age
Such a young awkward stage
Copy !req
589. That is not
what you do to a kid
Copy !req
590. Nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
591. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
592. Nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
593. Nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
594. If this is the case
Let us cut to the chase
Copy !req
595. I'm so sorry
I never let go
Copy !req
596. I went to the doctor
the kind that you talk to
Copy !req
597. And he said
the process is slow
Copy !req
598. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
599. Nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
600. Down, down, down!
All right, let's go.
Copy !req
601. I'd rather
you hadn't than had
Copy !req
602. If you hadn't
I wouldn't be mad
Copy !req
603. At what I'd been handed
Despite it I've landed
Copy !req
604. On both feet so
don't worry, Dad
Copy !req
605. It looks good.
Copy !req
606. Too good.
Copy !req
607. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
608. Let's get the kitchen.
Copy !req
609. Nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
610. Maybe we can
paint over it.
Copy !req
611. I don't know
how to make paint!
Copy !req
612. I got it!
Copy !req
613. See? It's a good thing
I locked you down here.
Copy !req
614. Now let's go!
Copy !req
615. We're not gonna make it!
Copy !req
616. We're gonna make it.
Copy !req
617. Trash mine
if you'd like to
Copy !req
618. I'm sure
you'd be psyched to
Copy !req
619. Remember our name
is the same
Copy !req
620. See? Told you
it would work.
Copy !req
621. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
622. Nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah
Copy !req
623. Rodrick!
Copy !req
624. The bathroom door! The door
doesn't have a lock on it.
Copy !req
625. The other door had a lock on
it and this doesn't. We're dead.
Copy !req
626. And if they find out...
Copy !req
627. - Greg?
- Hey, guys!
Copy !req
628. Hi.
Hey, Mom, Dad.
Copy !req
629. Hey, how's Manny? Is he
feeling better? Poor little guy.
Copy !req
630. Yeah. He's doing okay.
Copy !req
631. Wow. The house looks pretty good.
Copy !req
632. I was expecting
a real mess.
Copy !req
633. Oh...
Copy !req
634. Who ate pretzels
on the rug?
Copy !req
635. So...
Copy !req
636. Who came over
this weekend?
Copy !req
637. What? Nobody.
Copy !req
638. You said nobody, Dad.
No means no, right?
Copy !req
639. Yeah, yeah. Good boy.
Copy !req
640. So,
Copy !req
641. you guys just hung out?
Copy !req
642. Had a good time
together, huh?
Copy !req
643. Yeah, actually.
Copy !req
644. You know, I never thought I'd admit this,
Copy !req
645. but we had a pretty
good time together.
Copy !req
646. Really?
Copy !req
647. Yeah. Surprised me, too.
Copy !req
648. So you just worked it
all out by yourselves?
Copy !req
649. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Mom,
don't make a big deal about it.
Copy !req
650. Please, just...
Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
651. But nothing...
Nothing makes me happier
Copy !req
652. than to see you two
being friends.
Copy !req
653. Right, Frank?
Copy !req
654. Hmm? Yeah.
Copy !req
655. Yeah.
Copy !req
656. Okay, let's go upstairs.
Copy !req
657. Time for a nappy.
Copy !req
658. Hey! What the...
Copy !req
659. You guys got something
you want to tell me?
Copy !req
660. No.
Copy !req
661. What was General Grant
doing on the thermostat?
Copy !req
662. I have no idea.
Copy !req
663. No idea.
Copy !req
664. No idea, huh?
Copy !req
665. Don't... These... These
are off limits! No touch!
Copy !req
666. They are not toys.
They're figurines!
Copy !req
667. I can't...
Copy !req
668. We have to keep
them away from the bathroom.
Copy !req
669. For the next 10 years?
Copy !req
670. Listen to me.
Copy !req
671. No matter what they ask you,
no matter how hard they push,
Copy !req
672. deny, deny, deny.
Copy !req
673. Even if they figure it out,
never ever admit to anything.
Copy !req
674. Deny, deny, deny.
Got it?
Copy !req
675. Got it.
Deny, deny, deny.
Copy !req
676. It sounds to me like,
"Lie, lie, lie."
Copy !req
677. I kind of wish
you hadn't told me.
Copy !req
678. Don't you understand? Rodrick
isn't beating me up anymore.
Copy !req
679. But how are they not going to
notice that the lock's gone?
Copy !req
680. Please.
They're like 40.
Copy !req
681. They can barely
remember our names.
Copy !req
682. Hi, Greg! I've returned from
halfway around the world.
Copy !req
683. And I see that you're even
further than that from Holly Hills.
Copy !req
684. I guess your unappealing older
brother was right about you.
Copy !req
685. You have no game.
Copy !req
686. You know what?
Copy !req
687. I liked Chirag a whole lot
better when he was in India.
Copy !req
688. Man, I sure
do miss Chirag.
Copy !req
689. I wonder when
he's coming back.
Copy !req
690. It's almost like I can
feel his presence.
Copy !req
691. What are you talking about? Here I am!
Copy !req
692. Did you just
hear something?
Copy !req
693. No. Nothing.
Copy !req
694. Well, better get to class. Chirag
would've wanted it that way.
Copy !req
695. Good one, Greg.
Copy !req
696. You may be able to dominate
me physically, Greg Heffley,
Copy !req
697. but mentally,
I am the more muscular!
Copy !req
698. It is officially on.
Copy !req
699. Hey, Rowley.
Copy !req
700. Hey.
Copy !req
701. Does he know
about the D-O-R-E?
Copy !req
702. Huh?
Copy !req
703. The door!
Copy !req
704. Yeah. Don't worry. I already
told him, deny, deny, deny.
Copy !req
705. Hi, Rowley!
What's new, huh?
Copy !req
706. Okay.
Copy !req
707. Hey, wasn't there
a lock on this door?
Copy !req
708. I must be
losing my marbles.
Copy !req
709. Oh. I can't take this
pressure. I'm leaving.
Copy !req
710. Okay, everybody,
dinnertime!
Copy !req
711. Actually, Mom,
I have to skip dinner.
Copy !req
712. Why?
Copy !req
713. I've got the most important
meeting of my life tonight.
Copy !req
714. Did you say you have a meeting? Yeah.
Copy !req
715. Like, for like a job?
Yeah. Kind of.
Copy !req
716. I'm meeting with the best
guitarist in Plainview.
Copy !req
717. Now he's in between bands, and if
I can get him into Löded Diper,
Copy !req
718. then winning the talent show is a lock.
Copy !req
719. I mean, you'd like him, Dad. He's
a real professional, like you.
Copy !req
720. Mmm-hmm.
Be supportive.
Copy !req
721. That's him.
I'll get that!
Copy !req
722. Oh, man,
I barely made it here.
Copy !req
723. Your address has
so many numbers!
Copy !req
724. All right, Bill, we should... Whoa!
Copy !req
725. Do I smell pot roast?
Copy !req
726. Oh! Mmm.
Copy !req
727. Bill got voted "Most
Likely to Be a Rock Star"
Copy !req
728. when he was
in high school.
Copy !req
729. You suck!
Copy !req
730. That hasn't
really worked out.
Copy !req
731. We should be going...
Copy !req
732. Sit.
Copy !req
733. So, Bill,
Copy !req
734. Rodrick tells me that you're
a professional musician.
Copy !req
735. So that means that you earn
enough to make a living?
Copy !req
736. Oh, yeah! Yeah.
Copy !req
737. Well, enough if you live in
your parents' basement.
Copy !req
738. My parents are
really supportive.
Copy !req
739. Respect your parents,
boys!
Copy !req
740. Hey! That's what
Joshie says!
Copy !req
741. Shh!
Copy !req
742. So...
Copy !req
743. It doesn't sound like
a cakewalk, right? No.
Copy !req
744. Why don't you
tell Rodrick?
Copy !req
745. Give him a picture of just how
challenging it can really be.
Copy !req
746. No, it's really hard.
Copy !req
747. First of all, there's no
home-cooked meals like this.
Copy !req
748. What? Really?
Copy !req
749. Yeah, yeah! No, on the road, it's all
Copy !req
750. burgers and fries
and pizza.
Copy !req
751. Then you got to deal with the
fans, especially the girls.
Copy !req
752. No, it's definitely
not for everyone.
Copy !req
753. But...
Copy !req
754. if you like rocking deep into the
night and partying hard all day
Copy !req
755. then it might be the life for
you. It's definitely for me.
Copy !req
756. It does sound fun.
Copy !req
757. But what if you don't
play a musical instrument?
Copy !req
758. Löded Diper
always needs roadies.
Copy !req
759. So you're
joining the band?
Copy !req
760. Yeah, brother!
Copy !req
761. I'm in. Let's rock!
Yeah!
Copy !req
762. I think I might have
brought too much stuff.
Copy !req
763. Let's see how many views our video's got.
Copy !req
764. It's got to be thousands.
Copy !req
765. Maybe millions!
Copy !req
766. Four? We only got
four lousy hits?
Copy !req
767. Greg, I can't lie to your parents
about the party. I never lie.
Copy !req
768. Joshie says
a lie hurts everyone.
Copy !req
769. Guess who wanted to join
the big boy sleepover!
Copy !req
770. Bubby, Rowley!
Copy !req
771. Mom, no,
he'll ruin it!
Copy !req
772. He just wanted to come in and
say hi to Rowley. All right?
Copy !req
773. And Rowley's mother brought
over some healthy snacks
Copy !req
774. and DVDs that she thought were appropriate.
Copy !req
775. Enjoy your
granola bars, boys.
Copy !req
776. Andy's Magic Cushion.
Let's start with that.
Copy !req
777. Or should
we watch The Foot?
Copy !req
778. What if she comes back in
and asks about the party?
Copy !req
779. You need to relax.
Copy !req
780. How about
a healthy snack?
Copy !req
781. We shouldn't be here.
Copy !req
782. We can't just let ourselves
into a stranger's home.
Copy !req
783. The place is empty.
Nobody's going to mind.
Copy !req
784. Oh.
Copy !req
785. Look at his face.
Copy !req
786. What happened
to his foot?
Copy !req
787. It sounded like
someone was hopping.
Copy !req
788. I'm telling you,
it's nothing.
Copy !req
789. It's just
your imagination.
Copy !req
790. Did you just kick me?
Copy !req
791. You know, you really need
to cut your toenails.
Copy !req
792. What was that?
Copy !req
793. Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Copy !req
794. Okay. Only
'cause you're scared.
Copy !req
795. Let's just go to sleep.
Copy !req
796. I wish we had
watched Andy's Magic Cushion.
Copy !req
797. I love this movie, Frank.
Don't you just love this movie?
Copy !req
798. He picked the housekeeper
over the supermodel?
Copy !req
799. I know.
Copy !req
800. It's got me!
The foot has got me!
Copy !req
801. Greg, is there something you want
to say to Rowley and his father?
Copy !req
802. I'm sorry for choosing an
inappropriate movie for the sleepover.
Copy !req
803. At least nobody
got hurt this time.
Copy !req
804. I'm a little birdy.
I'm a little birdy!
Copy !req
805. My knee bone.
Copy !req
806. What?
Copy !req
807. Mommy, look.
Copy !req
808. Mommy is looking. Mommy's
looked a thousand times!
Copy !req
809. Mommy just needs to go to the
potty for one minute, okay?
Copy !req
810. No! No!
Copy !req
811. What the heck?
Where's the lock?
Copy !req
812. Wait.
Copy !req
813. Rodrick, could
you come here, please?
Copy !req
814. What happened
to the lock?
Copy !req
815. I don't know what
you're talking about.
Copy !req
816. There was a lock
on this door.
Copy !req
817. Um...
Copy !req
818. I don't think so.
Copy !req
819. Rodrick, I've lived in
this house for 10 years.
Copy !req
820. I've locked that door
10,000 times
Copy !req
821. because sometimes it's my only
moment of privacy of the day.
Copy !req
822. I know there was
a lock on that door.
Copy !req
823. There wasn't.
Trust me.
Copy !req
824. Greg has walked in
on me a million times.
Copy !req
825. And if there was a lock,
I would use it.
Copy !req
826. In fact, maybe
you should put one on.
Copy !req
827. So that's your story.
Copy !req
828. There was never a lock and you
have no idea what I'm talking about.
Copy !req
829. Yes.
Copy !req
830. Fine. I'll just go ask
your brother the same thing.
Copy !req
831. Greg? Two words.
Copy !req
832. Bathroom door.
Copy !req
833. It was Rodrick! He made
me! It was his idea.
Copy !req
834. He had the party! Someone wrote on
the door, so we had to change it!
Copy !req
835. I knew it. I knew it.
Copy !req
836. No, Mom, wait! I was
exaggerating a little bit.
Copy !req
837. It wasn't a party.
It was a band rehearsal
Copy !req
838. for the talent show.
That's all it was.
Copy !req
839. We said nobody could come
over. He knew the rules.
Copy !req
840. Yeah, but, Mom,
if you punish him,
Copy !req
841. Rodrick's gonna know
I told on him.
Copy !req
842. We really had a good time this
weekend. But if you do this,
Copy !req
843. Rodrick and I will never,
ever be friends again.
Copy !req
844. The idea that one day my kids won't
get to know their Uncle Rodrick?
Copy !req
845. Or have any
family holidays?
Copy !req
846. You two really have been getting
along better this week, haven't you?
Copy !req
847. Yeah. We really have.
Copy !req
848. Okay, if...
Copy !req
849. if I let this slide,
Copy !req
850. and be our little secret
for the sake of the family,
Copy !req
851. and for your relationship
with your brother,
Copy !req
852. do you swear to be on your
best behavior and get along?
Copy !req
853. I swear. I swear.
Copy !req
854. Okay.
Copy !req
855. You didn't buckle.
Copy !req
856. Deny, deny,
deny, right?
Copy !req
857. You know...
Copy !req
858. You may not be half as lame
as I thought you were.
Copy !req
859. I couldn't believe it!
Copy !req
860. Rodrick was actually
trying to be nice to me.
Copy !req
861. Wow! You're a Mom Bucks millionaire!
Copy !req
862. Where'd you get these?
Thrift shops.
Copy !req
863. There's enough in here
to last me until I'm 30.
Copy !req
864. It's about time, little bro, that
you learn the secrets to an easy life.
Copy !req
865. Rule number one,
Copy !req
866. don't be good at something
you don't want to do.
Copy !req
867. Guys!
Use clean rags, not...
Copy !req
868. Just give me that!
I'll do it myself.
Copy !req
869. Rule number two, always lower
Mom and Dad's expectations.
Copy !req
870. Hey, I took
a math test today
Copy !req
871. and I'm pretty sure
I flunked it.
Copy !req
872. Oh, Greg!
Copy !req
873. But I got it back,
and look!
Copy !req
874. I got a C minus.
Copy !req
875. Well, at least
you didn't fail.
Copy !req
876. Rule number three,
never do something
Copy !req
877. when someone else
can do it for you.
Copy !req
878. "100 Years Ago." I
remember that assignment.
Copy !req
879. Why write a new one
Copy !req
880. when there's
a perfectly good paper
Copy !req
881. already written
by your brother?
Copy !req
882. isn't that cheating?
Copy !req
883. isn't Mr. Draybick
cheating
Copy !req
884. by handing out the same
assignment every year?
Copy !req
885. New binder.
Teachers dig binders.
Copy !req
886. The thing was,
Copy !req
887. Rodrick had managed
to get my dad to do
Copy !req
888. all his homework
for the past five years.
Copy !req
889. Which one's
the space bar again?
Copy !req
890. Just let me do it,
okay? Okay.
Copy !req
891. I would never actually hand
in a paper Rodrick wrote.
Copy !req
892. But my dad?
That's a different story.
Copy !req
893. So that's just three of the
things Rodrick has taught me.
Copy !req
894. He has a lot
of cool tips.
Copy !req
895. I'm not sure Rodrick's tips
are really that cool.
Copy !req
896. Okay, so the invisible
Chirag joke is still going,
Copy !req
897. and the whole school
is in on it.
Copy !req
898. But it looks like Chirag's
discovered our weakness.
Copy !req
899. Hello, Greg, Rowley.
Copy !req
900. Still pretending I'm invisible, I presume.
Copy !req
901. I don't know if I can do this.
Copy !req
902. Stay strong.
Copy !req
903. What is this?
A corn dog.
Copy !req
904. Rowley's all-time
favorite lunch delicacy.
Copy !req
905. if you say you can see me,
Rowley, it is all yours.
Copy !req
906. Mmm. Smell that
buttermilk batter.
Copy !req
907. You got him,
Chirag.
Copy !req
908. Resist it.
Copy !req
909. Don't do it, Rowley.
Copy !req
910. Hey, everyone, look!
There's a floating corn dog.
Copy !req
911. I don't want to get ahead
of myself or anything,
Copy !req
912. but I think I may have Class Clown
in the bag for dreaming this one up.
Copy !req
913. In conclusion, without last
century's technological advances,
Copy !req
914. there would be no computers, cell
phones, or modern medical miracles.
Copy !req
915. And so for that, we salute
and thank our ancestors
Copy !req
916. from 100 years ago.
Copy !req
917. Thank you, Holly.
That was excellent work.
Copy !req
918. I think we have time
for one more.
Copy !req
919. I have to say that
when I read this paper
Copy !req
920. I was a bit surprised
by its content.
Copy !req
921. But more than any other, this
one deserves to be read out loud.
Copy !req
922. Greg?
Copy !req
923. Yay, Greg!
Copy !req
924. Just read it, Greg.
All of it.
Copy !req
925. Okay.
Copy !req
926. "Sometimes I sit and wonder
about stuff I do not know
Copy !req
927. "Like what the Earth
was like 100 years ago
Copy !req
928. "Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs?
Did flowers even grow?
Copy !req
929. "Did spiders rule the Earth?
Were deserts filled with snow?
Copy !req
930. "There were no books or
humans, so How were we to know
Copy !req
931. "What life was
like 100 years ago?"
Copy !req
932. Loser.
Copy !req
933. Now, Greg, when we talk about
how important it is to recycle,
Copy !req
934. we don't mean turning in
your brother's old papers.
Copy !req
935. I thought Dad helped
you with this paper.
Copy !req
936. Well, actually,
Copy !req
937. Dad started writing my
papers because of that paper.
Copy !req
938. I looked like an idiot!
Copy !req
939. And the girl from the roller
rink? She laughed at me.
Copy !req
940. Ouch!
Copy !req
941. Just do something that
changes her opinion of you.
Copy !req
942. Like, set a firecracker
off in the classroom. Boom!
Copy !req
943. Chicks dig bad boys.
Copy !req
944. Well, actually I was thinking
about writing her a note.
Copy !req
945. You mean like one
with words on it?
Copy !req
946. I've got it
all figured out.
Copy !req
947. I'm gonna pass her a note with a
question on it, but it'll be anonymous.
Copy !req
948. She'll be like, "I have
to know who wrote this."
Copy !req
949. Then later,
I'll walk up to her
Copy !req
950. and ask her
the exact same question.
Copy !req
951. It'll blow her mind.
Copy !req
952. A note?
Copy !req
953. Do you want me
to spell check it?
Copy !req
954. Just pass it to Holly.
Copy !req
955. To Holly.
Copy !req
956. Thank you.
Copy !req
957. It's from Greg.
Copy !req
958. What's going on?
Copy !req
959. Greg Heffley is
passing me notes!
Copy !req
960. No, I wasn't.
Copy !req
961. "How do you get your hair
to smell so beautiful?"
Copy !req
962. Okay. The note was a minor setback,
Copy !req
963. but at least things are
still going well with Rodrick.
Copy !req
964. It's amazing but
I'm actually enjoying
Copy !req
965. watching Löded Diper rehearse
for the talent show.
Copy !req
966. Bill's taken the band
to a whole new level.
Copy !req
967. Somebody farted.
Copy !req
968. I got one. I got one. I got
a good one. I got a good one.
Copy !req
969. Somebody farted.
Copy !req
970. My dad should be happy that
I'm hanging out with Rodrick.
Copy !req
971. But I don't think
he really likes Bill.
Copy !req
972. I think what he's worried about
is I'll turn out like Rodrick,
Copy !req
973. Manny'll turn out like me, and,
eventually, we'll all turn out like Bill.
Copy !req
974. Rock and roll!
Copy !req
975. Rock on.
Yeah.
Copy !req
976. Dear Greg, meet me
in the art room before lunch.
Copy !req
977. There's something I want to
ask you. Kiss, kiss. Holly.
Copy !req
978. Hi, Holly! I was glad to get your note.
Copy !req
979. I've been wanting
a chance to talk to you.
Copy !req
980. And, hey, you like to paint.
I'm kind of an artist myself.
Copy !req
981. Holly?
Copy !req
982. Ha!
Copy !req
983. Chirag?
Copy !req
984. You see me now, don't you? Game,
set and match to Chirag Gupta!
Copy !req
985. Hi, Holly.
Hi, Fregley.
Copy !req
986. She thinks
I'm Fregley?
Copy !req
987. That's got to hurt.
Copy !req
988. Want to see
my secret freckle?
Copy !req
989. Ew!
Copy !req
990. So the note to the girl
didn't work out?
Copy !req
991. All right. Let's go. Little
bro, I am taking you out.
Copy !req
992. And here are
my other men.
Copy !req
993. Greg, Rodrick, I'd like
you to meet my editors,
Copy !req
994. Mr. Salz and Mrs. Kohan.
Copy !req
995. Hey. Hello. Nice to meet you. Hello.
Copy !req
996. Where you boys off to?
Copy !req
997. Just taking
the little brother out
Copy !req
998. for the evening.
He could use a good time.
Copy !req
999. Okay, well, be safe.
And be home by 9:00.
Copy !req
1000. Yeah. See you!
Copy !req
1001. Bye.
Bye. Have fun!
Copy !req
1002. Good night.
Copy !req
1003. Now that is impressive.
Copy !req
1004. My older boy wants nothing to
do with his younger brothers.
Copy !req
1005. You certainly
practice what you preach.
Copy !req
1006. I think every mother in town
should read your column.
Copy !req
1007. Thanks.
Copy !req
1008. Mom would kill us
if she saw us eating this.
Copy !req
1009. Brain freeze!
Brain freeze!
Copy !req
1010. All I can say is, get ready
to have your mind blown.
Copy !req
1011. We are going to
have an epic night.
Copy !req
1012. Are you okay?
Copy !req
1013. Fake vomit. You
can't beat the classics.
Copy !req
1014. Yeah.
Copy !req
1015. Here we go. Here we go. Here he comes.
Copy !req
1016. Okay. Very funny!
Very funny.
Copy !req
1017. This is sweet!
Copy !req
1018. I told you.
Copy !req
1019. So, you know that girl
who I sent the note to?
Copy !req
1020. Yeah?
Copy !req
1021. She thinks I'm Fregley.
Copy !req
1022. Oh, man!
Copy !req
1023. I mean, hey,
don't take it hard.
Copy !req
1024. Girls act like they're not
into you when they really are.
Copy !req
1025. I mean, tons of girls act like
they're not into me, but they are.
Copy !req
1026. I know they are. I bet
she really likes you.
Copy !req
1027. Check it out. Check it out.
Copy !req
1028. Whoa!
Copy !req
1029. Who's out there?
Copy !req
1030. No way.
Copy !req
1031. Coach Malone?
Copy !req
1032. Real funny, yeah?
Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
1033. Well, you just messed
with the wrong athlete!
Copy !req
1034. Move. Move!
Copy !req
1035. Show yourself!
Go, go!
Copy !req
1036. You want to take me on? Yeah?
You want to take me on?
Copy !req
1037. You better bring your A game,
'cause I am a competitor!
Copy !req
1038. Come on! You will come out!
Copy !req
1039. You know I'm going
to find you!
Copy !req
1040. Help!
Copy !req
1041. Come on.
Copy !req
1042. Something tickles.
Copy !req
1043. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Copy !req
1044. You can't outrun
me! I'm a superstar!
Copy !req
1045. Go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
1046. Everywhere you go, it's me!
Copy !req
1047. Stupid carbs!
Copy !req
1048. There's the mall!
Come on.
Copy !req
1049. I can't go
much further!
Copy !req
1050. Got you!
Copy !req
1051. Coach Malone?
Copy !req
1052. "You can't outrun me!
I'm a superstar!"
Copy !req
1053. "Everywhere you go,
it's me!"
Copy !req
1054. Come on.
Copy !req
1055. Oh, you boys are five minutes
early. Did you have a good time?
Copy !req
1056. A great time.
Copy !req
1057. That is so sweet.
Copy !req
1058. I just can't get over how
well your boys get along.
Copy !req
1059. Well, Larry, we run a pretty
tight ship around here.
Copy !req
1060. It's all about
boundaries, rules.
Copy !req
1061. Anyway, let me show you some of
those Civil War re-enactment photos
Copy !req
1062. I was telling you about.
Copy !req
1063. So, what did
you boys do?
Copy !req
1064. Just hung out at the mall.
Copy !req
1065. And talked about life.
Nothing special.
Copy !req
1066. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1067. Rodrick?
Copy !req
1068. Can you explain what
you're doing in this photo?
Copy !req
1069. That's not me.
Copy !req
1070. That's not you?
Copy !req
1071. Nope.
Copy !req
1072. Okay. How about these?
Copy !req
1073. I can't believe
that you had a party!
Copy !req
1074. Greg, you told me it was a
couple of kids, a band rehearsal!
Copy !req
1075. Wait, Susan,
you knew about this?
Copy !req
1076. Yes.
Copy !req
1077. Yes, I knew.
Copy !req
1078. You told Mom?
Copy !req
1079. I knew they
had a party!
Copy !req
1080. It slipped out,
but I took it back!
Copy !req
1081. My instincts told me
you weren't being honest!
Copy !req
1082. I should've trusted my
- Wait!
Copy !req
1083. You knew about this, but
you didn't tell me about it?
Copy !req
1084. I still protected you!
Copy !req
1085. I threw Mom
off your scent!
Copy !req
1086. Great job.
She has no idea!
Copy !req
1087. We are supposed to be a team against them!
Copy !req
1088. They were getting
along so well
Copy !req
1089. I let it blind me
to the truth!
Copy !req
1090. Why were you
taking pictures?
Copy !req
1091. It was so crazy that morning,
I forgot we took the pictures.
Copy !req
1092. So I let it slide.
And I am so sorry.
Copy !req
1093. Oh, God. It feels so good to get that out.
Copy !req
1094. I haven't been able to look at
that bathroom door for two weeks!
Copy !req
1095. I knew that door
had a lock on it!
Copy !req
1096. And everybody was trying to make
me feel like I was losing my mind!
Copy !req
1097. We're just gonna
let ourselves out.
Copy !req
1098. I wouldn't write
a column about this.
Copy !req
1099. I'm going upstairs!
Copy !req
1100. To a bathroom
that has a lock on it
Copy !req
1101. and no one can tell me
that it doesn't.
Copy !req
1102. I have to go talk
to your father.
Copy !req
1103. I will deal with
you boys later.
Copy !req
1104. Rodrick, I really
didn't tell her!
Copy !req
1105. I mean maybe, sort of,
but I made a deal with her,
Copy !req
1106. and we had a really
good time, and...
Copy !req
1107. You're my brother,
Copy !req
1108. but you'll never
be my friend.
Copy !req
1109. Your father and I have talked and
we've decided on your punishment.
Copy !req
1110. Greg, you're grounded
for two weeks.
Copy !req
1111. Also, no video games
for two weeks.
Copy !req
1112. Rodrick, you may only drive to
and from school for the next month.
Copy !req
1113. As the ringleader, you are
also grounded for a month.
Copy !req
1114. Mom, I'm sorry,
and I won't do it again.
Copy !req
1115. I know you won't.
Copy !req
1116. And to make sure
Copy !req
1117. we're also not allowing you
to perform in the talent show.
Copy !req
1118. What? No.
You can't do that.
Copy !req
1119. Ground me for a year,
I don't care,
Copy !req
1120. but you have to let me
play in that show.
Copy !req
1121. This could be my big break. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1122. Dad? Come on. This isn't fair.
I just got Bill in the band!
Copy !req
1123. Actually, Rodrick, that
doesn't help your case.
Copy !req
1124. Bill's kind of a jerk.
Copy !req
1125. Our decision is final.
Copy !req
1126. You are so dead!
Copy !req
1127. Things have
never been worse.
Copy !req
1128. Our parents are
super mad at us,
Copy !req
1129. so we have to
spend the weekend
Copy !req
1130. at my grandpa's
boring retirement community.
Copy !req
1131. Holly Hills thinks
I'm Fregley,
Copy !req
1132. and my relationship with
Rodrick is at an all-time low.
Copy !req
1133. So he's made it his mission
to ruin my life.
Copy !req
1134. Quit it!
Copy !req
1135. Why don't you tell Mom?
You're good at that.
Copy !req
1136. Grandpa doesn't like TV.
Copy !req
1137. lnstead, he prefers to watch the
lobby on the security channel.
Copy !req
1138. I should be
rehearsing right now.
Copy !req
1139. Please, Grandpa. Please, can
we watch a real TV show now?
Copy !req
1140. TV is just
a bunch of fakers.
Copy !req
1141. This is real life.
Copy !req
1142. It's real life.
You can't beat it.
Copy !req
1143. How's about we all go down
to the games room?
Copy !req
1144. You boys like games,
don't you?
Copy !req
1145. The games room
sounds fun
Copy !req
1146. until you realize that all the games
in there are from, like, the 1800s.
Copy !req
1147. My grandpa's favorite is a really
old board game called Gutbusters.
Copy !req
1148. Now, remember, the object of
the game is to read the joke card
Copy !req
1149. and all the other players
have to try not to laugh.
Copy !req
1150. Good luck! There are
some real rib-ticklers in there!
Copy !req
1151. Yeah.
Copy !req
1152. You go first.
Copy !req
1153. "Putting economic policy
before fiscal responsibility
Copy !req
1154. "is like putting the cart
before the horse."
Copy !req
1155. That is hilarious, Grandpa!
Read another one, Greg.
Copy !req
1156. I'm going to go
change my shirt.
Copy !req
1157. Hi!
Copy !req
1158. Oh, hi, Holly. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1159. I'm visiting my grandma.
She just moved here.
Copy !req
1160. I'm on Grandpa duty.
Copy !req
1161. Listen, Greg, I'm really sorry for
calling you Fregley the other day.
Copy !req
1162. I don't know
what happened.
Copy !req
1163. I think it's the Greg and Freg
part, my brain just flipped.
Copy !req
1164. You called me Fregley?
I had no idea.
Copy !req
1165. Really?
Copy !req
1166. Not really.
Copy !req
1167. I heard it.
It was pretty rough.
Copy !req
1168. But don't worry, I have the rest
of middle school to get over it.
Copy !req
1169. What happened
to your shirt?
Copy !req
1170. Oh, my brother
spit milk on me.
Copy !req
1171. Let me guess, he was pretending to laugh
Copy !req
1172. at something that
wasn't actually funny.
Copy !req
1173. How did you know?
Copy !req
1174. It's in the Older Sibling Handbook.
Copy !req
1175. Last week, my older sister
put hair remover in my shampoo.
Copy !req
1176. if I hadn't smelled something,
I'd be completely bald by now!
Copy !req
1177. Why would she do that?
Copy !req
1178. Duh! 'Cause
she's my sister.
Copy !req
1179. It's part of the deal. You
fight and then you get over it.
Copy !req
1180. Not my brother.
He hates me
Copy !req
1181. and he'll never
get over it.
Copy !req
1182. Of course he will. He
has to. He's your brother.
Copy !req
1183. I also have a little sister
who's spoiled rotten.
Copy !req
1184. Tell me about it! My little
brother ruins all my stuff,
Copy !req
1185. and somehow I'm the one who ends
up getting in trouble for it.
Copy !req
1186. Doesn't that
drive you nuts?
Copy !req
1187. Holly! Time for dinner!
Copy !req
1188. I got to go. It was cool
hanging out with you.
Copy !req
1189. I'll look for you
tomorrow, Greg.
Copy !req
1190. See you later,
Fregley.
Copy !req
1191. I thought being at
Grandpa's was a punishment
Copy !req
1192. but, really, it was destiny
that Holly was here, too.
Copy !req
1193. My luck had
finally changed.
Copy !req
1194. "I've never
believed in fate, or destiny,
Copy !req
1195. "or whatever, until now.
Copy !req
1196. "Things are finally
starting to go my way!"
Copy !req
1197. Rodrick, be quiet. Talk on
the phone someplace else.
Copy !req
1198. "I thought being at
Grandpa's was a punishment
Copy !req
1199. "but, really, it was destiny
that Holly was here, too.
Copy !req
1200. "My luck had
finally changed."
Copy !req
1201. Aww!
Copy !req
1202. Give it back,
Rodrick!
Copy !req
1203. This stuff is priceless!
No way.
Copy !req
1204. Come on.
Give it back!
Copy !req
1205. You know what?
I will give it back.
Copy !req
1206. To Holly! Wait till she reads this garbage!
Copy !req
1207. I don't even want to go
Copy !req
1208. "I can't believe my luck!
Copy !req
1209. "I finally got Holly
all to myself
Copy !req
1210. "without Chirag,
or anyone else!"
Copy !req
1211. Give it back, Rodrick!
Give it back.
Copy !req
1212. No way.
Copy !req
1213. Always stuck
in a daydream
Copy !req
1214. Can't focus
on the other team
Copy !req
1215. Hunted you
all day and night
Copy !req
1216. Now I'm ready
for a fight
Copy !req
1217. This is war
Copy !req
1218. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Copy !req
1219. This is war
Copy !req
1220. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Copy !req
1221. This is war
Copy !req
1222. 'Cause I got
to knock you out
Copy !req
1223. Whoop!
Copy !req
1224. Oh!
Copy !req
1225. They say that
you're the best
Copy !req
1226. You gotta follow
all the rest
Copy !req
1227. This is war
Copy !req
1228. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Copy !req
1229. Record, record, record.
Copy !req
1230. This is war
Copy !req
1231. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Copy !req
1232. This is war
Copy !req
1233. I can't be your friend
Copy !req
1234. 'Cause I gotta
knock you out
Copy !req
1235. I'm in the ladies'?
Copy !req
1236. Peeping Tom! There's
a Peeping Tom in there!
Copy !req
1237. Peeping Tom! There's
a Peeping Tom in there!
Copy !req
1238. Let's get him!
Copy !req
1239. What do you think you are doing in
there? We'll come in and get you!
Copy !req
1240. Take that,
you Peeping Tom!
Copy !req
1241. Let's get him!
Copy !req
1242. Get out of here!
Copy !req
1243. Stop that pervert!
Copy !req
1244. The little whippersnapper!
Copy !req
1245. I've got him!
I've got him!
Copy !req
1246. Shame on you!
Copy !req
1247. I've got him
in a headlock!
Copy !req
1248. I'm not the Peeping Tom!
Copy !req
1249. Where'd he go?
Copy !req
1250. Did he just come out
of the ladies' room?
Copy !req
1251. Hey, Greg!
Copy !req
1252. What's new? Huh?
Copy !req
1253. Well, my life
is officially over.
Copy !req
1254. Now that Rodrick
has that tape of me
Copy !req
1255. running around
in my underwear,
Copy !req
1256. he basically owns me.
Copy !req
1257. The day of the talent show came around
Copy !req
1258. and Mom and Dad
made us both go.
Copy !req
1259. Something about supporting
the community, or whatever.
Copy !req
1260. Scotty!
Copy !req
1261. Come on!
Copy !req
1262. Scotty! Come on!
Copy !req
1263. You don't wanna let the
magic fans down, do you?
Copy !req
1264. Go away!
Copy !req
1265. Rowley, what's wrong?
Copy !req
1266. My assistant, Scotty,
got stage fright
Copy !req
1267. and now he doesn't
want to do the show.
Copy !req
1268. Maybe Greg would help out.
He can be your assistant.
Copy !req
1269. What? No way!
Copy !req
1270. What? Rowley is
your best friend.
Copy !req
1271. This is important to him.
You need to do this.
Copy !req
1272. It's okay,
Mrs. Heffley.
Copy !req
1273. Greg is just afraid that Holly
Hills will think less of him.
Copy !req
1274. Rowley.
Copy !req
1275. Mom, can we talk in private? Sure.
Copy !req
1276. Scotty, please.
Copy !req
1277. Look...
Who's this Holly Hills?
Copy !req
1278. Is she your girlfriend?
No!
Copy !req
1279. She's just some girl
who happens to be a friend
Copy !req
1280. who I don't want to be
humiliated in front of.
Copy !req
1281. I see your point.
Copy !req
1282. So is this Holly
in your class?
Copy !req
1283. Mom!
Copy !req
1284. Okay.
Copy !req
1285. Here we go.
Copy !req
1286. So, are you going
to make me do it?
Copy !req
1287. Please, Scotty.
Copy !req
1288. No. No, I get it.
I get it.
Copy !req
1289. Can you at least
point her out to me?
Copy !req
1290. Okay, okay, I'll stop.
Copy !req
1291. Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
Copy !req
1292. welcome to Plainview's
Most Talented!
Copy !req
1293. And without further ado,
Ms. Patty Farrell!
Copy !req
1294. Memory
All alone in the moonlight
Copy !req
1295. I can smile
at the old days
Copy !req
1296. I was beautiful then
Copy !req
1297. Wow, she's really good.
Copy !req
1298. I remember the time
Copy !req
1299. I knew
what happiness was
Copy !req
1300. Let the memory live again
Copy !req
1301. Touch me
Copy !req
1302. It's so easy to leave me
Copy !req
1303. All alone with the memory
Copy !req
1304. Of my days in the sun
Copy !req
1305. If you touch me...
Copy !req
1306. Greg, she's cute.
Copy !req
1307. She's super cute.
Copy !req
1308. Mom!
Copy !req
1309. Look, a new day
Copy !req
1310. Has begun
Copy !req
1311. Oh, thank you!
Copy !req
1312. Say hello to the boys and girls, Freggers.
Copy !req
1313. Hello, boys and girls!
I love you.
Copy !req
1314. And tonight, when you are all fast asleep
Copy !req
1315. I'm going to crawl through your
window and give you all a big hug!
Copy !req
1316. Hey, you could
do that. Right?
Copy !req
1317. Yeah.
Copy !req
1318. A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam
Copy !req
1319. I was born on
the 4th of July
Copy !req
1320. I've got a
Yankee Doodle sweetheart
Copy !req
1321. She's my
Yankee Doodle joy
Copy !req
1322. Yankee doodle came to...
Copy !req
1323. You can't go on without me. I started
Löded Diper. I'm the backbone!
Copy !req
1324. Well, we got a new
backbone now, dude.
Copy !req
1325. This guy.
Copy !req
1326. That's rock
and roll, bro.
Copy !req
1327. Did you guys see the
audience? Oh, man! It's huge.
Copy !req
1328. This roller-skating
kid is really good!
Copy !req
1329. Don't you think...
Copy !req
1330. Greg! Where have you been? I've
been looking all over for you.
Copy !req
1331. Mom, you need to let Rodrick
play in the talent show tonight.
Copy !req
1332. Greg, we've been over this.
He needs to learn a lesson.
Copy !req
1333. His band is playing without
him, and it's not fair.
Copy !req
1334. And I'm sure that's
very hard on him,
Copy !req
1335. but I can't go back
on the punishment.
Copy !req
1336. Mom.
Yes?
Copy !req
1337. You let Rodrick play
in the talent show,
Copy !req
1338. I'll...
Copy !req
1339. do the magic thing
with Rowley.
Copy !req
1340. Really?
You'd do that?
Copy !req
1341. You'll be Rowley's partner,
even though you said
Copy !req
1342. it's totally embarrassing
and humiliating?
Copy !req
1343. You're willing to do that
just so your brother can play?
Copy !req
1344. Yes.
Copy !req
1345. Come here.
Copy !req
1346. I mean,
how bad can it be?
Copy !req
1347. Scotty was right.
Copy !req
1348. There's a lot of
people out there.
Copy !req
1349. Just start with your opening
trick, like you rehearsed at home.
Copy !req
1350. Forget about
all the people. Go.
Copy !req
1351. Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
Copy !req
1352. I am the Remarkable Rowley,
master of illusion.
Copy !req
1353. And joining me onstage is
my faithful assistant, Scotty.
Copy !req
1354. Greg!
Copy !req
1355. Greg.
Copy !req
1356. Who looks a little cold.
Maybe he needs a scarf.
Copy !req
1357. Ew! Don't put them on me!
They're still wet!
Copy !req
1358. Sorry, Greg.
Here's a peace offering.
Copy !req
1359. Fly. Fly away.
Be free, little friend.
Copy !req
1360. Oh. Oh.
Copy !req
1361. That thing's dead.
Copy !req
1362. I think I had
him in my pocket too long.
Copy !req
1363. No hard feelings?
Copy !req
1364. Keep going.
We're a hit!
Copy !req
1365. And now,
for my grand finale,
Copy !req
1366. the saw-the-lady-in-half
trick!
Copy !req
1367. if you will.
Copy !req
1368. Push out the feet.
Okay.
Copy !req
1369. No trap doors.
No chance of escape.
Copy !req
1370. I will now miraculously
saw Greg in half.
Copy !req
1371. Wait. Forget it!
I want out!
Copy !req
1372. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1373. This is the showstopper!
Copy !req
1374. Good, then stop!
Copy !req
1375. Ow! Ow! Ow!
Copy !req
1376. Ladies and gentlemen,
the Remarkable Rowley!
Copy !req
1377. And Greg the Great!
Copy !req
1378. That should
have been me!
Copy !req
1379. We killed. And I didn't have to die!
Copy !req
1380. It was even better than
it was in the rehearsals.
Copy !req
1381. Hi. Can I have your autograph?
Copy !req
1382. Sure. Sure.
Copy !req
1383. Your performance was
pathetic, Greg Heffley!
Copy !req
1384. Only a moron would find humor in bird poop!
Copy !req
1385. You stupid bird!
Copy !req
1386. Oh, my gosh. You guys did
great. That was really funny.
Copy !req
1387. The unitard or
the performance?
Copy !req
1388. Both.
Copy !req
1389. Thank you, thank you!
Thank you.
Copy !req
1390. Just do your best,
honey.
Copy !req
1391. Oh, um...
Copy !req
1392. Can I borrow
your eyeliner?
Copy !req
1393. Yeah.
Copy !req
1394. Looks like
you guys made up.
Copy !req
1395. We're brothers.
Copy !req
1396. Please welcome to the stage
Copy !req
1397. Löded Diper! Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
1398. Mom, go!
Get off the stage!
Copy !req
1399. We are Löded Diper!
Copy !req
1400. You told us
we were losers
Copy !req
1401. And we can't do
nothing right
Copy !req
1402. You said
we'd never make it
Copy !req
1403. But just look
at us tonight
Copy !req
1404. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1405. All over the place!
Copy !req
1406. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1407. In your face
Copy !req
1408. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1409. We can't be stopped
Copy !req
1410. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1411. Your head is gonna pop
Copy !req
1412. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1413. You can't keep us down
Copy !req
1414. We're gonna hit the fan
Copy !req
1415. And rock this sleepy town
Copy !req
1416. Get up,
all you haters!
Copy !req
1417. Dude, they love us!
Copy !req
1418. No hard feelings,
right, bro?
Copy !req
1419. Hey, Bill,
you know what?
Copy !req
1420. When we're done tonight,
you're out of the band.
Copy !req
1421. What?
Copy !req
1422. That's rock
and roll, bro.
Copy !req
1423. Löded
Copy !req
1424. Diper
Copy !req
1425. Löded
Copy !req
1426. Diper
Copy !req
1427. Löded
Copy !req
1428. Diper
Copy !req
1429. Come here. Look.
Copy !req
1430. Dad? Are we
going to tell them
Copy !req
1431. that the audience went crazy
for Mom's weird dancing?
Copy !req
1432. He's happy.
She's happy.
Copy !req
1433. I say we keep this one
between the two of us, okay?
Copy !req
1434. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1435. It's us, the Diper
And yes, we rock
Copy !req
1436. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1437. So, I just
wanted to say that
Copy !req
1438. you getting Mom to let me play
last night was really cool.
Copy !req
1439. Yeah, well,
I kind of owed you.
Copy !req
1440. Oh, and here.
Copy !req
1441. The tape? You're giving it to me? Hey!
Copy !req
1442. Don't make a big deal about it
or I'll post it on YouTube, okay?
Copy !req
1443. Now get out.
Copy !req
1444. Doofus.
Copy !req
1445. Okay.
Copy !req
1446. Later.
Copy !req
1447. Butt-brain!
Copy !req
1448. You know, I guess having a
big brother isn't all that bad.
Copy !req
1449. Maybe we don't
always get along,
Copy !req
1450. but I know he's gonna
be there for me.
Copy !req
1451. Hey, I just spilled grape juice on
the couch and kind of blamed it on you.
Copy !req
1452. Later.
Copy !req
1453. I'll get him back.
Copy !req
1454. Action!
Copy !req
1455. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1456. All over the place!
Copy !req
1457. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1458. Okay,
it's uploaded.
Copy !req
1459. In your face
Copy !req
1460. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1461. Holy cow.
Copy !req
1462. This is huge! We're an lnternet sensation!
Copy !req
1463. Greg!
You are so dead!
Copy !req
1464. Exploded Diper
Copy !req
1465. English - US - PSDH
Copy !req