1. Seventh-grader.Copy !req
2. Sounds a lot better than sixth-grader.Copy !req
3. This is a Greg thing.
I don't see why I had to come.Copy !req
4. Because, Rodrick, this is a family event,Copy !req
5. and like it or not,
you're part of the Heffley family.Copy !req
6. Yeah.
That and we already paid for your ticket.Copy !req
7. I'd like to give a warm
welcome to Westmore seventh-graders!Copy !req
8. A new year of school starting.Copy !req
9. Hi!Copy !req
10. - Rowley!
- Greg!Copy !req
11. Alakazam! Alaka-zoo-wee Mama!Copy !req
12. - What are you doing?
- It's a magic wand.Copy !req
13. Do you want to see a trick?Copy !req
14. Only if the trick
is to make the thing disappear.Copy !req
15. Just put it in your pocket!Copy !req
16. You don't want to give away
your best tricks in public.Copy !req
17. So, how was your summer?Copy !req
18. That sounds pretty rough.Copy !req
19. The only good thing that happened
was I got rid of the Cheese Touch.Copy !req
20. - Who'd you give it to?
- The new kid. Jeremy Pindle.Copy !req
21. Cheese Touch!Copy !req
22. Hey, guys! Anyone for pizza?Copy !req
23. Hey! Thanks, Fregley.Copy !req
24. You know,Copy !req
25. I can't believe people leave
perfectly good food just lying around.Copy !req
26. I'll save thatCopy !req
27. for later.Copy !req
28. Let's skate.Copy !req
29. I'd like to give a shout out
to Taylor Pringle!Copy !req
30. Uh-oh, dork alert!Copy !req
31. Happy birthday, Taylor! Five years young.Copy !req
32. I hope your party's a blast.Copy !req
33. Rowley, stop pulling me down!Copy !req
34. Ho, ho, ho
It's magicCopy !req
35. You knowCopy !req
36. Who is that?Copy !req
37. Her name is Holly Hills.
She just moved here.Copy !req
38. - What grade is she in?
- Seventh.Copy !req
39. She's an all-star soccer player,
has done professional modeling,Copy !req
40. and was her sixth grade class president.Copy !req
41. She moved here from Oregon
because her father got a big promotion.Copy !req
42. They drive a hybrid SUV,Copy !req
43. live on the north side of town
in a cul-de-sac near the park.Copy !req
44. What? I googled her!Copy !req
45. She's a picture of loveliness, is she not?Copy !req
46. She's almost as pretty as my mom.Copy !req
47. She's going to be very popular.Copy !req
48. Sit here! Sit here!Copy !req
49. Please, everyone, sit down.
We have our seats.Copy !req
50. It's magic, you knowCopy !req
51. Never believe it's not soCopy !req
52. Excuse me.Copy !req
53. What?Copy !req
54. I said, excuse me. You're blocking the exit.Copy !req
55. - Oh, sorry.
- That's okay.Copy !req
56. I'm Chirag Gupta. And I'm single.Copy !req
57. - Wow. My name is...
- We know exactly who you are.Copy !req
58. - Holly Hills of 432 Embury Lane.
No, we don't know who you are.Copy !req
59. We have no idea who you are.Copy !req
60. Okay! Well, I think
I'm going to go skating now.Copy !req
61. Please congratulate your father
on his promotion from me!Copy !req
62. "We know exactly who you are"?
You trying to scare her?Copy !req
63. Does it really matter?Copy !req
64. A girl like that is out of your league
anyway, Gregory.Copy !req
65. She's new.
She isn't out of anyone's league yet.Copy !req
66. She doesn't know the social pecking order.Copy !req
67. If there was ever a time for me
to make a move,Copy !req
68. it's now.Copy !req
69. Hey, Greg!Copy !req
70. Can you break a leg or something
so we can leave?Copy !req
71. Oh!Copy !req
72. That'll never happen. Not a chance.Copy !req
73. There's no way
that girl will ever talk to you.Copy !req
74. Yeah, well, I just talked to her
and we'll probably skate later.Copy !req
75. Really? Okay.Copy !req
76. Well, you see that clock?Copy !req
77. They play a slow song at the
top of every hour for couples skate.Copy !req
78. If you're so confident, ask her to skate.Copy !req
79. - Maybe I will.
- What you waiting for, wimp?Copy !req
80. You the man!Copy !req
81. Look, if we can get out to HollyCopy !req
82. and be standing right next to her
when the clock changes,Copy !req
83. then I can ask her to skate
and she'll have to say yes.Copy !req
84. I don't know about that.Copy !req
85. Oh, honey, hi!Copy !req
86. Remember when we were young like this,Copy !req
87. and we used to dance and go to parties,
and things like that?Copy !req
88. Whoo!Copy !req
89. I'm going in. Cover me!Copy !req
90. Girl you are to me
all that a woman should beCopy !req
91. And I dedicate my life...Copy !req
92. All rockers and hardcore skaters
off the rink,Copy !req
93. unless you're looking for love.Copy !req
94. - It's time for couples skate.Copy !req
95. I'm making my move.Copy !req
96. Stop! Enough of that total lameness!
Who's ready to rock? Yeah!Copy !req
97. Come on, let's get out of here. Come on.Copy !req
98. What are we gonna do?
- Stay calm.Copy !req
99. All we have to do is just stay here.Copy !req
100. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
101. Rowley! Hang on!Copy !req
102. Greg Heffley!Copy !req
103. This is your mother.Copy !req
104. Everything is going to be okay.Copy !req
105. Stay where you are, and your father
is going to come rescue you.Copy !req
106. I repeat, everything is going to be okay.Copy !req
107. Okay, here he comes. Here comes Frank.
I see him. He's on his way.Copy !req
108. - Dad!
- I know, I know.Copy !req
109. Okay.
All right, everyone, go back to skating!Copy !req
110. You all right?Copy !req
111. Hey, Romeo, how'd it go with the new girl?Copy !req
112. Whoa!Copy !req
113. You ruined my birthday!Copy !req
114. You jerk!Copy !req
115. Ow! Ow! That hurt!Copy !req
116. Rodrick!Copy !req
117. Here, catch!Copy !req
118. Let me start by saying
that having a brother is really overrated.Copy !req
119. Rowley always says
he wishes he had a brother,Copy !req
120. and, boy, do I wish
I could give him one of mine.Copy !req
121. I've looked into it and,
unfortunately, it's not legal,Copy !req
122. I mean, Manny has been telling on me
ever since he was able to speak.Copy !req
123. Bubby did it.Copy !req
124. Bubby did it.Copy !req
125. - Bubby did it.
Greg!Copy !req
126. And Rodrick is the king of laziness.Copy !req
127. Except when it comes to torturing me.Copy !req
128. My mom has started writing
an advice column for the local paper.Copy !req
129. She wrote an article last weekCopy !req
130. about how your brothers
will always be there for you.Copy !req
131. Well, that's exactly what I'm afraid of.Copy !req
132. Hey, Bubby.Copy !req
133. - Got to go, Mom.
- Later, Mom.Copy !req
134. - Yeah, see you, hon.
- Okay, okay, wait.Copy !req
135. Hold on. Wait a second.Copy !req
136. I need a moment for a family meeting.Copy !req
137. Now, your father and I have been talking.Copy !req
138. Things between you two
have really gotten out of hand.Copy !req
139. - Can I just say...
- You may not realize it now,Copy !req
140. but having a brother is one of the most
important relationships of your life.Copy !req
141. I mean, one day
you're gonna be Uncle GregCopy !req
142. and Uncle Rodrick to each other's kids.Copy !req
143. That's important.
So you need to get to know each other.Copy !req
144. - What?
- What?Copy !req
145. - You need to spend more time together.
- What?Copy !req
146. So that's why I've come up
with a new programCopy !req
147. that's going to reward you
for spending time together.Copy !req
148. I'm calling itCopy !req
149. "Mom Bucks."Copy !req
150. - You're paying us with fake money?
- Yeah.Copy !req
151. Okay, now, for every hour that
you spend together without fighting,Copy !req
152. for example, let's say
you give Greg a drum lesson,Copy !req
153. you each earn a Mom Buck,Copy !req
154. which you can then trade in
for one real dollar.Copy !req
155. Oh.Copy !req
156. So, to start you off,
I'm giving you each five Mom Bucks.Copy !req
157. Now, if you're smart,
you'll save up your Mom Bucks...Copy !req
158. Can I cash out now?Copy !req
159. - Well, Rodrick, if you save...
- But can I cash out?Copy !req
160. - Yes, but...
- I want to cash out.Copy !req
161. - Frank?
- I know.Copy !req
162. Uh... Okay. Yes, you can. All right.Copy !req
163. Okay. All right, great. We should get going,Copy !req
164. because you don't want
to be late for school. All right?Copy !req
165. - Yeah, gotta go.
- Let's go. Okay, all right.Copy !req
166. This Mom Bucks thing is a
gold mine, muchacho.Copy !req
167. You better not ruin it for me.Copy !req
168. Most kids hate it
when summer ends,Copy !req
169. but I have to say, right now,
school is starting to look pretty good.Copy !req
170. Welcome back.Copy !req
171. Welcome back.Copy !req
172. Welcome back.Copy !req
173. It's nice not to be the new kids this year.Copy !req
174. - I agree.
- I know. Look at all the tiny sixth-graders.Copy !req
175. I'm so glad that's not me this year.Copy !req
176. Just a little higher. Just a little higher.Copy !req
177. Whoa! Greg! Look who's in our class.Copy !req
178. This was my chance.
If I could sit next to Holly,Copy !req
179. I'd have the whole year
to show her how great I am.Copy !req
180. No way, Greg Heffley.Copy !req
181. - This is my seat.
- No, it's not. I was here first.Copy !req
182. It's mine!Copy !req
183. Let go!Copy !req
184. You know I'm stronger than you,
Greg Heffley.Copy !req
185. Don't make me beat you up again!Copy !req
186. Let's get something straight.Copy !req
187. I was sick that day
and I had something in my eye.Copy !req
188. MR. Well!Copy !req
189. I've never had students so eager
to start the school year.Copy !req
190. What's going on?Copy !req
191. - This is my seat!
- This is my seat!Copy !req
192. Okay, let's start again.
What are your names?Copy !req
193. Patty Farrell, two R's, two L's.Copy !req
194. Greg Heffley.Copy !req
195. Greg Heffley.Copy !req
196. Would you be related to Rodrick Heffley?Copy !req
197. I've got my eye on you, Heffley.Copy !req
198. There's no way to escape.Copy !req
199. It's unbelievable!
Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life.Copy !req
200. Shh!Copy !req
201. He might hear you.Copy !req
202. Nah. Watch.Copy !req
203. Holy cow!Copy !req
204. He once slept through an entire day.Copy !req
205. Do you have an amazing talent
that you'd like to share?Copy !req
206. Today, Plainview City Council
announced a brand-new local contest:Copy !req
207. Plainview's Most Talented.Copy !req
208. - Hey! Greg! Maybe we should...
- Can it, Chunky Cheese!Copy !req
209. Westmore is absolutely
packed to the roof with talent.Copy !req
210. The top prize is $1,000 and, of course,Copy !req
211. the admiration of your friends
and neighbors.Copy !req
212. This is huge. I gotta call the band.
We gotta practice.Copy !req
213. - This is gonna be our big break!
- Uh-uh-uh. Wait a second.Copy !req
214. - Aren't you forgetting something?
- What?Copy !req
215. - I showered yesterday. Smell.
- Okay, okay. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
216. We agreed
that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg.Copy !req
217. - You were serious?
Who knows?Copy !req
218. Maybe you guys will really like it
and we can form a family band.Copy !req
219. Hello, world,
here's a song that we're singingCopy !req
220. Come on get happyCopy !req
221. A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringingCopy !req
222. We'll make you happyCopy !req
223. Rodrick says he's a professional musician,Copy !req
224. but as far as I know
the only money he's made,Copy !req
225. is when Dad gave him five bucks once
to stop playing.Copy !req
226. When do we get to play the real drums?Copy !req
227. Like I'd ever let you touch them!Copy !req
228. Watch and learn, earthworm!Copy !req
229. Hey, I was thinking
we should enter the talent show.Copy !req
230. I could do my magic act
and you could be my assistant.Copy !req
231. Assistant? No way.Copy !req
232. Doing magic tricks is bad enough.
Assisting the guy doing the tricks?Copy !req
233. I'd never make it to eighth grade.Copy !req
234. - What?
- Hey, a cookie.Copy !req
235. - Manny, what have you done?
- I'm only three.Copy !req
236. What's going on? What did you do to him?Copy !req
237. Nothing! He ruined my video game.Copy !req
238. Oh! He didn't do anything on purpose.
Did you, honey?Copy !req
239. - No, I didn't.
- No, he didn't. He's only three.Copy !req
240. I'm only three!Copy !req
241. Okay, let's go, sweetie.
You want another cookie?Copy !req
242. It's so unfair.Copy !req
243. I have Rodrick making my life a misery
on one side,Copy !req
244. and Manny attacking me from the other.Copy !req
245. And I'm the only one
who seems to get blamed for anything.Copy !req
246. I wonder what it'd be like to have a family
that actually loves me.Copy !req
247. Little boy!Copy !req
248. We're a very rich couple with no children
and so much love to share.Copy !req
249. Won't you come be part of our family?Copy !req
250. Finally! Someone I can leave my billions to.Copy !req
251. India? Why would you go there?Copy !req
252. India is fascinating.
It's the jewel of Southeast Asia.Copy !req
253. My father has business to take care of,
so he's taking the whole family.Copy !req
254. Can you bring me back a cobra?
I want to teach it to dance!Copy !req
255. Wake up!
What are you guys doing over there?Copy !req
256. Get the ball! Get the ball, kick it!Copy !req
257. Kick it!
Kick it!Copy !req
258. Patty Farrell, you are the man!Copy !req
259. Nice running, Heffley.
Just have to work on the direction.Copy !req
260. Wow. Holly Hills is better than Bryce.
And he's an all-star!Copy !req
261. Well, I'm sure your soccer skills
made a great impression on her.Copy !req
262. - Go strike while the iron is hot.
- You'll see.Copy !req
263. When you come back from India,
she'll be hanging out with me.Copy !req
264. I would love for that to be true,
Gregory.Copy !req
265. It would provide hope
for smaller boys everywhere,Copy !req
266. but girls like that just don't
hang out with guys like us.Copy !req
267. So, listen, you don't have to worry
about being in my magic show anymore,Copy !req
268. 'cause I got Scotty from my karate class
to be my assistant.Copy !req
269. Scotty? Isn't he like eight?Copy !req
270. He'll be eight.Copy !req
271. - Get in.
- Why?Copy !req
272. What are you doing here?Copy !req
273. Mom said she'll pay Mom Bucks
if I drive you home from school.Copy !req
274. We'd rather walk.Copy !req
275. Get in! Now!Copy !req
276. What happened to the seats?
- I needed the room for my new equipment.Copy !req
277. - How'd you have the money for that?
- You know, Mom Bucks.Copy !req
278. There's no way. He only earned like five.Copy !req
279. We got to figure out what song
we're playing at the talent contest.Copy !req
280. Easy. Devil's Diper.Copy !req
281. A ballad? Really, dude?
We got to lift them out of their seats!Copy !req
282. I got it.Copy !req
283. - Exploded Diper!
- Exploded Diper!Copy !req
284. Slow down, guys! Slow down!Copy !req
285. Whoa!Copy !req
286. This Mom Bucks thing
isn't working out.Copy !req
287. Now Rodrick can get paid
for beating me up.Copy !req
288. Oh...Copy !req
289. Mom, why are you
writing about me again?Copy !req
290. It's embarrassing.Copy !req
291. What? You know how important
honesty is to me.Copy !req
292. And, Rowley, good news.Copy !req
293. I called your mom
and she gave her permissionCopy !req
294. for you to come with us
to Rockin' Rapids next weekend.Copy !req
295. Two days
on the biggest water slides in the world!Copy !req
296. It's gonna be great!Copy !req
297. Thank you, Mrs. Heffley,Copy !req
298. but I think I'd like to stay home
and practice my magic act.Copy !req
299. I just want to perfect my art.Copy !req
300. Come on, let's go upstairs.Copy !req
301. Mom, can I use your computer
for homework?Copy !req
302. For homework, right?Copy !req
303. Yeah. Definitely. Homework only.Copy !req
304. I'm sorry, Bubby.Copy !req
305. What's this?Copy !req
306. It's a gift from Manny.Copy !req
307. He made it for you
because he wanted to say he was sorryCopy !req
308. for breaking your video game.
Isn't that cute?Copy !req
309. It looks dangerous.
What if I sat on that thing?Copy !req
310. Greg! What are you doing?Copy !req
311. Tell Manny you love his gift.Copy !req
312. You're so lucky
you don't have any brothers.Copy !req
313. You're kind of like my brother.Copy !req
314. And shouldn't we be looking up thingsCopy !req
315. for your "hundred years ago" assignment?Copy !req
316. She looks like she was born 100 years ago.Copy !req
317. Ahhh!Copy !req
318. Oh, I hope she's okay.
She sounded pretty hurt.Copy !req
319. Are you kidding me? She's famous,
and I heard she's a millionaire.Copy !req
320. I would love to be her!Copy !req
321. - You do know she was faking it?
- Really?Copy !req
322. - Of course.
- Anyone can be an Internet sensation.Copy !req
323. - We could.
- I'm listening.Copy !req
324. You just have to work with what you got.Copy !req
325. - Wake up in the morningCopy !req
326. feeling like P. DiddyCopy !req
327. Grab my glasses on, I'm out the door
I'm gonna hit this cityCopy !req
328. Before I leave, brush my teeth
with a bottle of JackCopy !req
329. 'Cause when I leave for the night,
I ain't coming backCopy !req
330. I'm talking, playing our favorite CD'sCopy !req
331. Pulling up to the partiesCopy !req
332. Trying to get a little bit tipsyCopy !req
333. Okay, three, two, one, fall.Copy !req
334. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
335. It looks fake. It has to look real.Copy !req
336. But how do I fake it
if I'm actually falling backwards?Copy !req
337. Maybe you need a gimmick,
so people notice you.Copy !req
338. Oh.Copy !req
339. Wear this on your head.Copy !req
340. Now, do it again.Copy !req
341. Why can't you be the one
that falls backwards in the chair?Copy !req
342. Because I'm not the one
wearing the underwear on my head.Copy !req
343. Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, noCopy !req
344. Remember when I broke my arm?
That didn't feel good at...Copy !req
345. I can't believe you sat on the tinfoil ball!
We're going to be rich!Copy !req
346. Okay, Rowley.Copy !req
347. Hold still. Oy!Copy !req
348. My computer was supposed to be
for homework only.Copy !req
349. You lied to me.
You know how I feel about that.Copy !req
350. Mom, from now on, I'll be 100% honest.Copy !req
351. Well, that lasted about a week.Copy !req
352. Mom somehow didn't appreciate
the completely honest version of me.Copy !req
353. Happy birthday, Grandpa!Copy !req
354. Next year, I want a chocolate cake.Copy !req
355. That is, if you're alive next year.Copy !req
356. Greg!
- Honesty, Mom!Copy !req
357. Mom, it's Mrs. Gillman from the PTA.Copy !req
358. - Tell her I'm not here!
- But that would be lyingCopy !req
359. and I don't do that anymore.Copy !req
360. I'm sorry, Mrs. Gillman,
but my mom isn't in the house right now.Copy !req
361. On weekends, I try to stay
as far away from my brothers as possible.Copy !req
362. But on Sunday morning, I have no choice.Copy !req
363. Poopy!Copy !req
364. Huh?Copy !req
365. Greg! It looks like he has
a candy bar on there.Copy !req
366. Manny!Copy !req
367. Frank, you're gonna
have to do something.Copy !req
368. Yeah, I'll get a rag.Copy !req
369. - Dad, stop it!
- Hold still!Copy !req
370. All right, let me see.Copy !req
371. You're fine. Can't even tell.Copy !req
372. I'm not going in
with a poop stain on my pants.Copy !req
373. Okay, well, you can't skip church.Copy !req
374. No, I'm not going in like this.Copy !req
375. Fine.Copy !req
376. He made them every oneCopy !req
377. Go.Copy !req
378. All things bright and beautifulCopy !req
379. All creatures great and smallCopy !req
380. All things wise and wonderfulCopy !req
381. What are you doing? Go!Copy !req
382. The Lord God made them allCopy !req
383. Please be seated.Copy !req
384. Let me just say how gratifying it is
to see so many smiling faces here today.Copy !req
385. Mothers and fathers...Copy !req
386. Okay, we're up.Copy !req
387. Come on! We're up!Copy !req
388. - But everyone will see the sweater.
- People are looking, okay?Copy !req
389. So come on. Let's go.Copy !req
390. Come on.Copy !req
391. Poop!Copy !req
392. He's pooped his pants!Copy !req
393. No, it isn't what it looks like!
It isn't. It's chocolate!Copy !req
394. Chocolate. See?Copy !req
395. What did I say
about being civil to one another?Copy !req
396. That's all I asked of you!Copy !req
397. Well, you have blown it big time!Copy !req
398. Never been more embarrassed!Copy !req
399. Everyone we know was there!Copy !req
400. I have no idea
how I'm gonna write my column this week.Copy !req
401. I feel like a complete fraud!Copy !req
402. Well, you brought this on yourselves.
You can kiss Rockin' Rapids good-bye!Copy !req
403. You two will stay here all weekend
and work out your differences.Copy !req
404. And if you don't, I will.Copy !req
405. And trust me,
you don't want any part of that.Copy !req
406. Do you understand?Copy !req
407. - Yes. Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
408. All right, let's go.Copy !req
409. And don't have anybody over
this weekend.Copy !req
410. Got it?Copy !req
411. Snacks in the bowls, ice in the freezer,
cups on the table.Copy !req
412. - Your party better be good.
- Our party, little bro.Copy !req
413. Wait! Whoa, whoa!
We need chairs from the basement.Copy !req
414. For what?Copy !req
415. In case we wanna play musical chairs.Copy !req
416. I haven't played musical chairs
since the second grade.Copy !req
417. Well, it comes back
when you hit high school.Copy !req
418. - Wait! You get the chairs.Copy !req
419. I don't want anyone to be disappointed.
All right?Copy !req
420. - Okay.
- All right.Copy !req
421. Rodrick, help! The door's closed!Copy !req
422. Yeah, and it's staying closed.Copy !req
423. I don't need a middle-schooler
ruining my party.Copy !req
424. What? I thought it was our party!Copy !req
425. It's my party.
Now keep quiet or I'll lock you in the dryer!Copy !req
426. Rodrick!Copy !req
427. Greg!Copy !req
428. And that's magic!Copy !req
429. Jefferson residence. Rowley speaking.Copy !req
430. Rowley, I need your help! Now!Copy !req
431. Holy pepperoni!Copy !req
432. Get inside. Open the door and let me out!Copy !req
433. Yes! You did it!Copy !req
434. It's a really nice try, Greggy.Copy !req
435. But whatever you thought,
I already thinked it.Copy !req
436. When our band is huge,
we'll have parties every night!Copy !req
437. - But they'll be backstage parties!
- Sweet! We'll get to go backstage.Copy !req
438. You, don't touch that phone!Copy !req
439. Music off!
Everybody freeze!Copy !req
440. - Freeze.Copy !req
441. If anyone makes a sound, the party is over
and I am a dead man. So... Shh!Copy !req
442. Quiet, man!Copy !req
443. Get back!Copy !req
444. Shh!Copy !req
445. - Hello?
- Rodrick, it's Mom.Copy !req
446. Is everything okay?
It took a long time for you to answer.Copy !req
447. Yeah, everything's fine.
I was just washing dishes.Copy !req
448. Okay, honey. Well, I just wanted to check in
and say I love you,Copy !req
449. - and I'm sorry I was so harsh earlier.
- No problem. Bye.Copy !req
450. - Now let me say good night to Greg.
- Greg?Copy !req
451. Oh, uh...Copy !req
452. He can't. He's asleep.
I don't want to wake him.Copy !req
453. No, I'm not. I'm right here. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
454. - Hey, Rodrick.
- Hi, sweetie, is everything okay?Copy !req
455. - Why were you sleeping so early?Copy !req
456. Well, actually, I wasn't sleeping.
I'm down in the basement.Copy !req
457. The basement?
What the heck are you doing down there?Copy !req
458. Wouldn't you rather be up here
hanging with me?Copy !req
459. Yeah, I would, Rodrick.
Why don't you come down and get me?Copy !req
460. Now.Copy !req
461. I think they're trying
to get along.Copy !req
462. Huh? That's good. Good, honey.Copy !req
463. Okay. Everything is cool here, right, Greg?Copy !req
464. Yeah, Mom.
And I have your number if I need you.Copy !req
465. Okay, sweeties.
Well, we'll see you tomorrow. Good night.Copy !req
466. Listen up.Copy !req
467. If you do anything that embarrasses me,
anything at all,Copy !req
468. - I will...
- You'll what?Copy !req
469. Just stay out of my way,Copy !req
470. nerds.Copy !req
471. I think we should go upstairs.Copy !req
472. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
473. We might not get to go to another
high school party for five more years.Copy !req
474. We have an opportunity here,Copy !req
475. to see things no other kid in our grade
has ever seen before.Copy !req
476. - Like what?
- Teenage things.Copy !req
477. Just follow my lead, and we'll be fine.Copy !req
478. Hey, watch the elbows, popcorn dude.
Not cool.Copy !req
479. That was a close one.Copy !req
480. I didn't know you could get up there.Copy !req
481. You should hear my band.Copy !req
482. We play so loud,
we actually make people's eardrums bleed.Copy !req
483. - Ew.
- I mean, not really.Copy !req
484. - I think your brother likes her!Copy !req
485. - I have to go find my friend.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.Copy !req
486. Reminder! You can't call if you're dead.Copy !req
487. Dude, this party is dying.
Look, the girls aren't into it.Copy !req
488. Look, they want to dance.Copy !req
489. You don't ask them to dance,
they're gonna leave,Copy !req
490. then you're just gonna be that guy
who threw the lame party with no girls.Copy !req
491. Go ask the girls to dance!Copy !req
492. You ask them.Copy !req
493. No, man.
You go ask the girls to dance.Copy !req
494. You almost did it.Copy !req
495. - I'm not going to do it!
- I've seen you dance!Copy !req
496. I'm not doing it...Copy !req
497. Did somebody say "dance"?
Break it down!Copy !req
498. Rowley, no! Don't!Copy !req
499. - That kid's dead.
- No, wait, man. What are you, new?Copy !req
500. You can't mess with a chubby kid,
the girls'll freak out!Copy !req
501. I won't call Mom. You can kill me.Copy !req
502. Conga!Copy !req
503. What is he doing?Copy !req
504. Who cares? I'm going to go squeeze in
next to Rachel Lewis and Amy Ramirez!Copy !req
505. Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
Shake your body lineCopy !req
506. Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
Shake it all the timeCopy !req
507. My girl's name is SenoraCopy !req
508. I tell you, friends, I adore herCopy !req
509. And when she dances, oh, brother!Copy !req
510. She's a hurricane in all kinds of weatherCopy !req
511. Jump in the line,
Rock your bodyCopy !req
512. - This is great!
- I know! I wish my mom was here.Copy !req
513. Your parents are so cool
to let you have this party.Copy !req
514. Yeah, really cool.
And they can never know.Copy !req
515. You can talk about Cha ChaCopy !req
516. Tango, Waltz, or the RumbaCopy !req
517. Senora's dance has no titleCopy !req
518. You jump in the saddle
Hold on to the bridle!Copy !req
519. Jump in the line,
Rock your body in timeCopy !req
520. Whoa!Copy !req
521. Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
Shake it all the timeCopy !req
522. Hi. You've reached the Heffley
residence. Please leave a message.Copy !req
523. Hey, guys. Manny's sick.
We're on our way home.Copy !req
524. See you in an hour.Copy !req
525. - Holy...
- Moly!Copy !req
526. You are in so much trouble.Copy !req
527. Me? You lied to Mom,
just as much as I did.Copy !req
528. You know how she feels about lying!
She's gonna kill both of us!Copy !req
529. You do the living room,
I'll start the kitchen. Go!Copy !req
530. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
531. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
532. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
533. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
534. I'd rather you didn't than didCopy !req
535. I'd rather you didn't get ridCopy !req
536. Of me at that age
Such a young awkward stageCopy !req
537. That is not what you do to a kidCopy !req
538. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
539. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
540. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
541. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
542. If this is the case
Let us cut to the chaseCopy !req
543. I'm so sorry I never let goCopy !req
544. I went to the doctor
the kind that you talk toCopy !req
545. And he said the process is slowCopy !req
546. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
547. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
548. Down, down, down! All right, let's go.Copy !req
549. I'd rather you hadn't than hadCopy !req
550. If you hadn't I wouldn't be madCopy !req
551. At what I'd been handed
Despite it I've landedCopy !req
552. On both feet so don't worry, DadCopy !req
553. - It looks good.
- Too good.Copy !req
554. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
555. Let's get the kitchen.Copy !req
556. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
557. - Maybe we can paint over it.
- I don't know how to make paint!Copy !req
558. I got it!Copy !req
559. See? It's a good thing
I locked you down here.Copy !req
560. Now let's go!Copy !req
561. - We're not gonna make it!
- We're gonna make it.Copy !req
562. Trash mine if you'd like toCopy !req
563. I'm sure you'd be psyched toCopy !req
564. Remember our name is the sameCopy !req
565. See? Told you it would work.Copy !req
566. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
567. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
568. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahCopy !req
569. Rodrick!Copy !req
570. The bathroom door!
The door doesn't have a lock on it.Copy !req
571. The other door had a lock on it
and this doesn't. We're dead.Copy !req
572. And if they find out...Copy !req
573. - Greg?
Hey, guys!Copy !req
574. - Hi.
- Hey, Mom, Dad.Copy !req
575. Hey, how's Manny? Is he feeling better?
Poor little guy.Copy !req
576. Yeah. He's doing okay.Copy !req
577. Wow. The house looks pretty good.Copy !req
578. I was expecting a real mess.Copy !req
579. Oh...Copy !req
580. Who ate pretzels on the rug?Copy !req
581. So...Copy !req
582. - Who came over this weekend?
- What? Nobody.Copy !req
583. You said nobody, Dad. No means no, right?Copy !req
584. Yeah, yeah. Good boy.Copy !req
585. So,Copy !req
586. you guys just hung out?Copy !req
587. - Had a good time together, huh?
- Yeah, actually.Copy !req
588. You know, I never thought I'd admit this,
but we had a pretty good time together.Copy !req
589. - Really?
- Yeah. Surprised me, too.Copy !req
590. So you just worked it all out
by yourselves?Copy !req
591. Yeah, I guess. I don't know.
Mom, don't make a big deal about it.Copy !req
592. - Please, just...
- Okay. Okay.Copy !req
593. But nothing... Nothing makes me happier
than to see you two being friends.Copy !req
594. - Right, Frank?
- Hmm? Yeah.Copy !req
595. Yeah.Copy !req
596. Okay, let's go upstairs.Copy !req
597. Time for a nappy.Copy !req
598. Hey! What the...Copy !req
599. You guys got something
you want to tell me?Copy !req
600. No.Copy !req
601. What was General Grant
doing on the thermostat?Copy !req
602. - I have no idea.
- No idea.Copy !req
603. No idea, huh?Copy !req
604. Don't... These...
These are off limits! No touch!Copy !req
605. They are not toys. They're figurines!Copy !req
606. I can't...Copy !req
607. We have to keep them
away from the bathroom.Copy !req
608. - For the next 10 years?
- Listen to me.Copy !req
609. No matter what they ask you,
no matter how hard they push,Copy !req
610. deny, deny, deny.Copy !req
611. Even if they figure it out,
never ever admit to anything.Copy !req
612. Deny, deny, deny. Got it?Copy !req
613. Got it. Deny, deny, deny.Copy !req
614. It sounds to me like, "Lie, lie, lie."Copy !req
615. I kind of wish you hadn't told me.Copy !req
616. Don't you understand?
Rodrick isn't beating me up anymore.Copy !req
617. But how are they not going to notice
that the lock's gone?Copy !req
618. Please. They're like 40.Copy !req
619. They can barely remember our names.Copy !req
620. Hi, Greg! I've returned
from halfway around the world.Copy !req
621. And I see that you're even further
than that from Holly Hills.Copy !req
622. I guess your unappealing older brother
was right about you.Copy !req
623. You have no game.Copy !req
624. You know what?Copy !req
625. I liked Chirag a whole lot better
when he was in India.Copy !req
626. Man, I sure do miss Chirag.
I wonder when he's coming back.Copy !req
627. It's almost like I can feel his presence.Copy !req
628. What are you talking about? Here I am!Copy !req
629. Did you just hear something?Copy !req
630. No. Nothing.Copy !req
631. Well, better get to class.
Chirag would've wanted it that way.Copy !req
632. Good one, Greg.Copy !req
633. You may be able
to dominate me physically, Greg Heffley,Copy !req
634. but mentally, I am the more muscular!Copy !req
635. It is officially on.Copy !req
636. - Hey, Rowley.
- Hey.Copy !req
637. Does he know about the D-O-R-E?Copy !req
638. Huh?Copy !req
639. The door!Copy !req
640. Yeah. Don't worry.
I already told him, deny, deny, deny.Copy !req
641. Hi, Rowley! What's new, huh?Copy !req
642. Okay.Copy !req
643. Hey, wasn't there
a lock on this door?Copy !req
644. I must be losing my marbles.Copy !req
645. Oh. I can't take this pressure. I'm leaving.Copy !req
646. Okay, everybody, dinnertime!Copy !req
647. - Actually, Mom, I have to skip dinner.
- Why?Copy !req
648. I've got the most important meeting
of my life tonight.Copy !req
649. - Did you say you have a meeting?
- Yeah.Copy !req
650. - Like, for like a job?
- Yeah. Kind of.Copy !req
651. I'm meeting with the best guitarist
in Plainview.Copy !req
652. Now he's in between bands,
and if I can get him into Löded Diper,Copy !req
653. then winning the talent show is a lock.Copy !req
654. I mean, you'd like him, Dad.
He's a real professional, like you.Copy !req
655. Mmm-hmm.
- Be supportive.Copy !req
656. That's him. I'll get that!Copy !req
657. Oh, man, I barely made it here.
Your address has so many numbers!Copy !req
658. - All right, Bill, we should...
Whoa!Copy !req
659. Do I smell pot roast?Copy !req
660. Oh! Mmm.Copy !req
661. Bill got voted "Most Likely to Be
a Rock Star" when he was in high school.Copy !req
662. You suck!Copy !req
663. That hasn't really worked out.Copy !req
664. - We should be going...
- Sit.Copy !req
665. So, Bill,Copy !req
666. Rodrick tells me
that you're a professional musician.Copy !req
667. So that means
that you earn enough to make a living?Copy !req
668. Oh, yeah! Yeah.Copy !req
669. Well, enough if you live
in your parents' basement.Copy !req
670. My parents are really supportive.Copy !req
671. Respect your parents, boys!Copy !req
672. - Hey! That's what Joshie says!
- Shh!Copy !req
673. So...Copy !req
674. - It doesn't sound like a cakewalk, right?
- No.Copy !req
675. Why don't you tell Rodrick?Copy !req
676. Give him a picture
of just how challenging it can really be.Copy !req
677. No, it's really hard.Copy !req
678. First of all, there's no
home-cooked meals like this.Copy !req
679. What? Really?Copy !req
680. Yeah, yeah! No, on the road, it's allCopy !req
681. burgers and fries and pizza.Copy !req
682. Then you got to deal with the fans,
especially the girls.Copy !req
683. No, it's definitely not for everyone.Copy !req
684. But...Copy !req
685. If you like rocking deep into the night
and partying hard all dayCopy !req
686. - then it might be the life for you.
- It's definitely for me.Copy !req
687. It does sound fun.Copy !req
688. But what if you don't play
a musical instrument?Copy !req
689. Löded Diper always needs roadies.Copy !req
690. - So you're joining the band?
- Yeah, brother!Copy !req
691. - I'm in. Let's rock!
- Yeah!Copy !req
692. I think I might have brought too much stuff.Copy !req
693. Let's see how many views our video's got.Copy !req
694. It's got to be thousands.Copy !req
695. Maybe millions!Copy !req
696. Four? We only got four lousy hits?Copy !req
697. Greg, I can't lie to your parents
about the party. I never lie.Copy !req
698. Joshie says a lie hurts everyone.Copy !req
699. Guess who wanted to join
the big boy sleepover!Copy !req
700. - Bubby, Rowley!
- Mom, no, he'll ruin it!Copy !req
701. He just wanted to come in
and say hi to Rowley. All right?Copy !req
702. And Rowley's mother brought over
some healthy snacksCopy !req
703. and DVDs that she thought
were appropriate.Copy !req
704. Enjoy your granola bars, boys.Copy !req
705. Andy's Magic Cushion.
Let's start with that.Copy !req
706. Or should we watch The Foot?Copy !req
707. What if she comes back in
and asks about the party?Copy !req
708. You need to relax.Copy !req
709. How about a healthy snack?Copy !req
710. We shouldn't be here.Copy !req
711. We can't just let ourselves
into a stranger's home.Copy !req
712. The place is empty.
Nobody's going to mind.Copy !req
713. Oh.Copy !req
714. Look at his face.Copy !req
715. What happened to his foot?Copy !req
716. It sounded like someone was hopping.Copy !req
717. I'm telling you, it's nothing.
It's just your imagination.Copy !req
718. Did you just kick me?Copy !req
719. You know, you really need
to cut your toenails.Copy !req
720. What was that?Copy !req
721. - Turn it off! Turn it off!
- Okay. Only 'cause you're scared.Copy !req
722. Let's just go to sleep.Copy !req
723. I wish we had watched
Andy's Magic Cushion.Copy !req
724. I love this movie, Frank.
Don't you just love this movie?Copy !req
725. He picked the housekeeper
over the supermodel?Copy !req
726. I know.Copy !req
727. It's got me! The foot has got me!Copy !req
728. Greg, is there something you want
to say to Rowley and his father?Copy !req
729. I'm sorry for choosing
an inappropriate movie for the sleepover.Copy !req
730. At least nobody got hurt this time.Copy !req
731. I'm a little birdy. I'm a little birdy!Copy !req
732. My knee bone.Copy !req
733. What?Copy !req
734. Mommy, look.Copy !req
735. Mommy is looking.
Mommy's looked a thousand times!Copy !req
736. Mommy just needs to go to the potty
for one minute, okay?Copy !req
737. No! No!Copy !req
738. What the heck? Where's the lock?Copy !req
739. Wait.Copy !req
740. Rodrick, could you come here, please?Copy !req
741. What happened to the lock?Copy !req
742. - I don't know what you're talking about.
- There was a lock on this door.Copy !req
743. Um...Copy !req
744. I don't think so.Copy !req
745. Rodrick, I've lived in this house
for 10 years.Copy !req
746. I've locked that door 10,000 timesCopy !req
747. because sometimes
it's my only moment of privacy of the day.Copy !req
748. - I know there was a lock on that door.
- There wasn't. Trust me.Copy !req
749. Greg has walked in on me a million times.
And if there was a lock, I would use it.Copy !req
750. In fact, maybe you should put one on.Copy !req
751. So that's your story.Copy !req
752. There was never a lock and you have
no idea what I'm talking about.Copy !req
753. Yes.Copy !req
754. Fine. I'll just go ask your brother
the same thing.Copy !req
755. Greg? Two words.Copy !req
756. Bathroom door.Copy !req
757. It was Rodrick! He made me!
It was his idea.Copy !req
758. He had the party! Someone wrote
on the door, so we had to change it!Copy !req
759. I knew it. I knew it.Copy !req
760. No, Mom, wait!
I was exaggerating a little bit.Copy !req
761. It wasn't a party. It was a band rehearsal
for the talent show. That's all it was.Copy !req
762. We said nobody could come over.
He knew the rules.Copy !req
763. Yeah, but, Mom, if you punish him,
Rodrick's gonna know I told on him.Copy !req
764. We really had a good time this weekend.
But if you do this,Copy !req
765. Rodrick and I will never, ever
be friends again.Copy !req
766. The idea that one day my kids
won't get to know their Uncle Rodrick?Copy !req
767. Or have any family holidays?Copy !req
768. You two really have been getting along
better this week, haven't you?Copy !req
769. Yeah. We really have.Copy !req
770. Okay, if...Copy !req
771. If I let this slide,Copy !req
772. and be our little secret
for the sake of the family,Copy !req
773. and for your relationship with your brother,Copy !req
774. do you swear to be
on your best behavior and get along?Copy !req
775. I swear. I swear.Copy !req
776. Okay.Copy !req
777. Okay.Copy !req
778. You didn't buckle.Copy !req
779. Deny, deny, deny, right?Copy !req
780. You know...Copy !req
781. You may not be half as lame
as I thought you were.Copy !req
782. I couldn't believe it!Copy !req
783. Rodrick was actually trying to be
nice to me.Copy !req
784. Wow! You're a Mom Bucks millionaire!Copy !req
785. - Where'd you get these?
- Thrift shops.Copy !req
786. There's enough in here
to last me until I'm 30.Copy !req
787. It's about time, little bro,
that you learn the secrets to an easy life.Copy !req
788. Rule number one, don't be good
at something you don't want to do.Copy !req
789. Guys! Use clean rags, not...Copy !req
790. Just give me that! I'll do it myself.Copy !req
791. Rule number two,
always lower Mom and Dad's expectations.Copy !req
792. Hey, I took a math test todayCopy !req
793. - and I'm pretty sure I flunked it.
- Oh, Greg!Copy !req
794. But I got it back, and look!Copy !req
795. I got a C minus.Copy !req
796. Well, at least you didn't fail.Copy !req
797. Rule number three, never do something
when someone else can do it for you.Copy !req
798. "100 Years Ago."
I remember that assignment.Copy !req
799. Why write a new oneCopy !req
800. when there's a perfectly good paper
already written by your brother?Copy !req
801. - Isn't that cheating?
- Isn't Mr. Draybick cheatingCopy !req
802. by handing out the same assignment
every year?Copy !req
803. New binder. Teachers dig binders.Copy !req
804. The thing was,Copy !req
805. Rodrick had managed to get my dad to
do all his homework for the past five years.Copy !req
806. Which one's the space bar again?Copy !req
807. Just let me do it, okay? Okay.Copy !req
808. I would never actually hand in a paper
Rodrick wrote.Copy !req
809. But my dad? That's a different story.Copy !req
810. So that's just three of the things
Rodrick has taught me.Copy !req
811. He has a lot of cool tips.Copy !req
812. I'm not sure Rodrick's tips
are really that cool.Copy !req
813. Okay, so the invisible Chirag joke
is still going,Copy !req
814. and the whole school is in on it.Copy !req
815. But it looks like
Chirag's discovered our weakness.Copy !req
816. Hello, Greg, Rowley.Copy !req
817. Still pretending I'm invisible, I presume.Copy !req
818. I don't know if I can do this.Copy !req
819. Stay strong.Copy !req
820. What is this? A corn dog.Copy !req
821. Rowley's all-time favorite lunch delicacy.Copy !req
822. If you say you can see me, Rowley,
it is all yours.Copy !req
823. Mmm. Smell that buttermilk batter.Copy !req
824. You got him, Chirag.Copy !req
825. - Resist it.
Don't do it, Rowley.Copy !req
826. Hey, everyone, look!
There's a floating corn dog.Copy !req
827. I don't want to get ahead of myself
or anything,Copy !req
828. but I think I may have Class Clown
in the bag for dreaming this one up.Copy !req
829. In conclusion, without last century's
technological advances,Copy !req
830. there would be no computers, cell phones,
or modern medical miracles.Copy !req
831. And so for that, we salute and thank
our ancestors from 100 years ago.Copy !req
832. Thank you, Holly. That was excellent work.Copy !req
833. I think we have time for one more.Copy !req
834. I have to say that when I read this paper
I was a bit surprised by its content.Copy !req
835. But more than any other,
this one deserves to be read out loud.Copy !req
836. Greg?Copy !req
837. Yay, Greg!Copy !req
838. Just read it, Greg. All of it.Copy !req
839. Okay.Copy !req
840. "Sometimes I sit and wonder
about stuff I do not knowCopy !req
841. "Like what the Earth was like 100 years agoCopy !req
842. "Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs?
Did flowers even grow?Copy !req
843. "Did spiders rule the Earth?
Were deserts filled with snow?Copy !req
844. "There were no books or humans, so
How were we to knowCopy !req
845. "What life was like 100 years ago?"Copy !req
846. Loser.Copy !req
847. Now, Greg, when we talk about
how important it is to recycle,Copy !req
848. we don't mean turning in
your brother's old papers.Copy !req
849. I thought Dad helped you with this paper.Copy !req
850. Well, actually, Dad started writing
my papers because of that paper.Copy !req
851. I looked like an idiot!Copy !req
852. And the girl from the roller rink?
She laughed at me.Copy !req
853. Ouch!Copy !req
854. Just do something
that changes her opinion of you.Copy !req
855. Like, set a firecracker off in the classroom.
Boom!Copy !req
856. Chicks dig bad boys.Copy !req
857. Well, actually I was thinking about
writing her a note.Copy !req
858. - You mean like one with words on it?
- I've got it all figured out.Copy !req
859. I'm gonna pass her a note with a question
on it, but it'll be anonymous.Copy !req
860. She'll be like,
"I have to know who wrote this."Copy !req
861. Then later, I'll walk up to her
and ask her the exact same question.Copy !req
862. It'll blow her mind.Copy !req
863. A note?Copy !req
864. - Do you want me to spell check it?
- Just pass it to Holly.Copy !req
865. To Holly.Copy !req
866. Thank you.Copy !req
867. It's from Greg.Copy !req
868. - What's going on?
- Greg Heffley is passing me notes!Copy !req
869. No, I wasn't.Copy !req
870. "How do you get your hair
to smell so beautiful?"Copy !req
871. Okay. The note was a minor setbackCopy !req
872. but at least things
are still going well with Rodrick.Copy !req
873. It's amazing but I'm actually enjoyingCopy !req
874. watching Löded Diper rehearse
for the talent show.Copy !req
875. Bill's taken the band to a whole new level.Copy !req
876. Somebody farted.Copy !req
877. I got one. I got one. I got a good one.
I got a good one.Copy !req
878. Somebody farted.Copy !req
879. My dad should be happy
that I'm hanging out with Rodrick.Copy !req
880. But I don't think he really likes Bill.Copy !req
881. I think what he's worried about is
I'll turn out like Rodrick,Copy !req
882. Manny'll turn out like me,
and, eventually, we'll all turn out like Bill.Copy !req
883. Rock and roll!Copy !req
884. - Rock on.
- Yeah.Copy !req
885. Dear Greg, meet me in the art room
before lunch.Copy !req
886. There's something I want to ask you.
Kiss, kiss. Holly.Copy !req
887. Hi, Holly! I was glad to get your note.Copy !req
888. I've been wanting a chance to talk to you.Copy !req
889. And, hey, you like to paint.
I'm kind of an artist myself.Copy !req
890. Holly?Copy !req
891. Ha!Copy !req
892. Chirag?Copy !req
893. You see me now, don't you?
Game, set and match to Chirag Gupta!Copy !req
894. - Hi, Holly.
- Hi, Fregley.Copy !req
895. - She thinks I'm Fregley?
- That's got to hurt.Copy !req
896. Want to see my secret freckle?Copy !req
897. Ew!Copy !req
898. So the note to the girl didn't work out?Copy !req
899. All right. Let's go.
Little bro, I am taking you out.Copy !req
900. And here are my other men.Copy !req
901. Greg, Rodrick, I'd like you to meet
my editors, Mr. Salz and Mrs. Kohan.Copy !req
902. - Hey. Hello. Nice to meet you.
- Hello.Copy !req
903. - Where you boys off to?
- Just taking the little brother outCopy !req
904. for the evening. He could use a good time.Copy !req
905. Okay, well, be safe. And be home by 9:00.Copy !req
906. Yeah. See you!Copy !req
907. - Bye.
- Bye. Have fun!Copy !req
908. Good night.Copy !req
909. Now that is impressive.Copy !req
910. My older boy wants nothing to do
with his younger brothers.Copy !req
911. MRS.You certainly
practice what you preach.Copy !req
912. I think every mother in town
should read your column.Copy !req
913. Thanks.Copy !req
914. Mom would kill us if she saw us eating this.Copy !req
915. - Brain freeze!
- Brain freeze!Copy !req
916. All I can say is,
get ready to have your mind blown.Copy !req
917. We are going to have an epic night.Copy !req
918. Are you okay?Copy !req
919. Fake vomit.
You can't beat the classics.Copy !req
920. Yeah.Copy !req
921. Here we go. Here we go. Here he comes.Copy !req
922. Okay. Very funny! Very funny.Copy !req
923. This is sweet!
- I told you.Copy !req
924. So, you know that girl
who I sent the note to?Copy !req
925. Yeah?Copy !req
926. - She thinks I'm Fregley.
- Oh, man!Copy !req
927. I mean, hey, don't take it hard.Copy !req
928. Girls act like they're not into you
when they really are.Copy !req
929. I mean, tons of girls act like
they're not into me, but they are.Copy !req
930. I know they are. I bet she really likes you.Copy !req
931. Check it out. Check it out.Copy !req
932. Whoa!Copy !req
933. Who's out there?Copy !req
934. - No way.
- Coach Malone?Copy !req
935. Real funny, yeah? Oh, yeah!Copy !req
936. Well, you just messed
with the wrong athlete!Copy !req
937. Move. Move!Copy !req
938. Show yourself!
- Go, go!Copy !req
939. You want to take me on? Yeah?
You want to take me on?Copy !req
940. You better bring your A game,
'cause I am a competitor!Copy !req
941. - Come on!
You will come out!Copy !req
942. You know I'm going to find you!Copy !req
943. - Help!
- Come on.Copy !req
944. Something tickles.Copy !req
945. Come on. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
946. You can't outrun me! I'm a superstar!Copy !req
947. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
948. Everywhere you go, it's me!Copy !req
949. Stupid carbs!Copy !req
950. - There's the mall! Come on.
- I can't go much further!Copy !req
951. Got you!Copy !req
952. Coach Malone?Copy !req
953. "You can't outrun me! I'm a superstar!"Copy !req
954. - "Everywhere you go, it's me!"
- Come on.Copy !req
955. Oh, you boys are five minutes early.
Did you have a good time?Copy !req
956. - A great time.
- That is so sweet.Copy !req
957. I just can't get over
how well your boys get along.Copy !req
958. Well, Larry, we run a pretty tight ship
around here.Copy !req
959. It's all about boundaries, rules.Copy !req
960. Anyway, let me show you some of those
Civil War re-enactment photosCopy !req
961. I was telling you about.Copy !req
962. - So, what did you boys do?
- Just hung out at the mall.Copy !req
963. And talked about life. Nothing special.Copy !req
964. Oh, my God.Copy !req
965. Rodrick?Copy !req
966. Can you explain what you're doing
in this photo?Copy !req
967. That's not me.Copy !req
968. - That's not you?
- Nope.Copy !req
969. Okay. How about these?Copy !req
970. I can't believe that you had a party!Copy !req
971. Greg, you told me it was a couple of kids,
a band rehearsal!Copy !req
972. - Wait, Susan, you knew about this?
- Yes.Copy !req
973. - Yes, I knew.
- You told Mom?Copy !req
974. - I knew they had a party!
- It slipped out, but I took it back!Copy !req
975. My instincts told me
you weren't being honest!Copy !req
976. - I should've trusted my instincts.
Wait!Copy !req
977. You knew about this,
but you didn't tell me about it?Copy !req
978. I still protected you!Copy !req
979. - I threw Mom off your scent!
- Great job. She has no idea!Copy !req
980. We are supposed to be a team
against them!Copy !req
981. They were getting along so well
I let it blind me to the truth!Copy !req
982. Why were you taking pictures?Copy !req
983. It was so crazy that morning,
I forgot we took the pictures.Copy !req
984. So I let it slide. And I am so sorry.Copy !req
985. Oh, God. It feels so good to get that out.Copy !req
986. I haven't been able to look at
that bathroom door for two weeks!Copy !req
987. I knew that door had a lock on it!Copy !req
988. And everybody was trying to make me feel
like I was losing my mind!Copy !req
989. We're just gonna let ourselves out.
I wouldn't write a column about this.Copy !req
990. I'm going upstairs!Copy !req
991. To a bathroom that has a lock on it
and no one can tell me that it doesn't.Copy !req
992. I have to go talk to your father.Copy !req
993. I will deal with you boys later.Copy !req
994. Rodrick, I really didn't tell her!Copy !req
995. I mean maybe, sort of,
but I made a deal with her,Copy !req
996. and we had a really good time, and...Copy !req
997. You're my brother,Copy !req
998. but you'll never be my friend.Copy !req
999. Your father and I have talked
and we've decided on your punishment.Copy !req
1000. Greg, you're grounded for two weeks.Copy !req
1001. Also, no video games for two weeks.Copy !req
1002. Rodrick, you may only drive to
and from school for the next month.Copy !req
1003. As the ringleader,
you are also grounded for a month.Copy !req
1004. Mom, I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.Copy !req
1005. I know you won't.Copy !req
1006. And to make sure we're also not
allowing you to perform in the talent show.Copy !req
1007. What? No. You can't do that.Copy !req
1008. Ground me for a year, I don't care,
but you have to let me play in that show.Copy !req
1009. - This could be my big break.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
1010. Dad? Come on. This isn't fair.
I just got Bill in the band!Copy !req
1011. Actually, Rodrick,
that doesn't help your case.Copy !req
1012. Bill's kind of a jerk.Copy !req
1013. Our decision is final.Copy !req
1014. You are so dead!Copy !req
1015. Things have never been worse.Copy !req
1016. Our parents are super mad at us,
so we have to spend the weekendCopy !req
1017. at my grandpa's
boring retirement community.Copy !req
1018. Holly Hills thinks I'm Fregley,Copy !req
1019. and my relationship with Rodrick
is at an all-time low.Copy !req
1020. So he's made it his mission to ruin my life.Copy !req
1021. Quit it!Copy !req
1022. Why don't you tell Mom?
You're good at that.Copy !req
1023. Grandpa doesn't like TV.Copy !req
1024. Instead, he prefers to watch the lobby
on the security channel.Copy !req
1025. I should be rehearsing right now.Copy !req
1026. Please, Grandpa.
Please, can we watch a real TV show now?Copy !req
1027. TV is just a bunch of fakers.Copy !req
1028. This is real life.Copy !req
1029. - It's real life. You can't beat it.Copy !req
1030. How's about we all go down
to the games room?Copy !req
1031. You boys like games, don't you?Copy !req
1032. The games room sounds funCopy !req
1033. until you realize that all the games in there
are from, like, the 1800s.Copy !req
1034. My grandpa's favorite is a really
old board game called Gutbusters.Copy !req
1035. Now, remember, the object of the game
is to read the joke cardCopy !req
1036. and all the other players
have to try not to laugh.Copy !req
1037. Good luck!
There are some real rib-ticklers in there!Copy !req
1038. Yeah.Copy !req
1039. You go first.Copy !req
1040. "Putting economic policy
before fiscal responsibilityCopy !req
1041. "is like putting the cart before the horse."Copy !req
1042. That is hilarious, Grandpa!
Read another one, Greg.Copy !req
1043. I'm going to go change my shirt.Copy !req
1044. Hi!Copy !req
1045. Oh, hi, Holly. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1046. I'm visiting my grandma.
She just moved here.Copy !req
1047. I'm on Grandpa duty.Copy !req
1048. Listen, Greg, I'm really sorry for calling you
Fregley the other day.Copy !req
1049. I don't know what happened.Copy !req
1050. I think it's the Greg and Freg part,
my brain just flipped.Copy !req
1051. You called me Fregley? I had no idea.Copy !req
1052. - Really?
- Not really.Copy !req
1053. I heard it. It was pretty rough.Copy !req
1054. But don't worry, I have the rest of
middle school to get over it.Copy !req
1055. - What happened to your shirt?
- Oh, my brother spit milk on me.Copy !req
1056. Let me guess, he was pretending to laugh
at something that wasn't actually funny.Copy !req
1057. How did you know?Copy !req
1058. It's in the Older Sibling Handbook.Copy !req
1059. Last week, my older sister
put hair remover in my shampoo.Copy !req
1060. If I hadn't smelled something,
I'd be completely bald by now!Copy !req
1061. - Why would she do that?
- Duh! 'Cause she's my sister.Copy !req
1062. It's part of the deal.
You fight and then you get over it.Copy !req
1063. Not my brother. He hates me
and he'll never get over it.Copy !req
1064. Of course he will. He has to.
He's your brother.Copy !req
1065. I also have a little sister
who's spoiled rotten.Copy !req
1066. Tell me about it!
My little brother ruins all my stuff,Copy !req
1067. and somehow I'm the one
who ends up getting in trouble for it.Copy !req
1068. Doesn't that drive you nuts?Copy !req
1069. Holly! Time for dinner!Copy !req
1070. I got to go.
It was cool hanging out with you.Copy !req
1071. I'll look for you tomorrow, Greg.Copy !req
1072. See you later, Fregley.Copy !req
1073. I thought being at Grandpa's
was a punishmentCopy !req
1074. but, really, it was destiny
that Holly was here, too.Copy !req
1075. My luck had finally changed.Copy !req
1076. "I've never believed
in fate, or destiny, or whatever, until now.Copy !req
1077. "Things are finally starting to go my way!"Copy !req
1078. Rodrick, be quiet.
Talk on the phone someplace else.Copy !req
1079. "I thought being at Grandpa's
was a punishmentCopy !req
1080. "but, really, it was destiny
that Holly was here, too.Copy !req
1081. "My luck had finally changed."Copy !req
1082. Aww!Copy !req
1083. - Give it back, Rodrick!
- This stuff is priceless! No way.Copy !req
1084. - Come on.
- Give it back!Copy !req
1085. You know what? I will give it back.Copy !req
1086. To Holly! Wait till she reads this garbage!Copy !req
1087. I don't even want to goCopy !req
1088. "I can't believe my luck!Copy !req
1089. "I finally got Holly all to myself
without Chirag, or anyone else!"Copy !req
1090. - Give it back, Rodrick! Give it back.
- No way.Copy !req
1091. Always stuck in a daydreamCopy !req
1092. Can't focus on the other teamCopy !req
1093. Hunted you all day and nightCopy !req
1094. Now I'm ready for a fightCopy !req
1095. This is warCopy !req
1096. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1097. This is warCopy !req
1098. This is warCopy !req
1099. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1100. This is warCopy !req
1101. 'Cause I got to knock you outCopy !req
1102. Whoop!Copy !req
1103. Oh!Copy !req
1104. They say that you're the bestCopy !req
1105. You gotta follow all the restCopy !req
1106. This is warCopy !req
1107. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1108. Record, record, record.Copy !req
1109. This is warCopy !req
1110. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1111. This is warCopy !req
1112. I can't be your friendCopy !req
1113. 'Cause I gotta knock you outCopy !req
1114. I'm in the ladies'?Copy !req
1115. Peeping Tom!
There's a Peeping Tom in there!Copy !req
1116. Peeping Tom!
There's a Peeping Tom in there!Copy !req
1117. Let's get him!Copy !req
1118. What do you think you are doing in there?
We'll come in and get you!Copy !req
1119. - Take that, you Peeping Tom!
Let's get him!Copy !req
1120. Get out of here!
Stop that pervert!Copy !req
1121. The little whippersnapper!Copy !req
1122. I've got him! I've got him!Copy !req
1123. Shame on you!Copy !req
1124. I've got him in a headlock!Copy !req
1125. I'm not the Peeping Tom!Copy !req
1126. - I'm not the Peeping Tom!
Where'd he go?Copy !req
1127. Did he just come out of the ladies' room?Copy !req
1128. Hey, Greg!Copy !req
1129. What's new? Huh?Copy !req
1130. Well, my life is officially over.Copy !req
1131. Now that Rodrick has that tape of me
running around in my underwear,Copy !req
1132. he basically owns me.Copy !req
1133. The day of the talent show came around
and Mom and Dad made us both go.Copy !req
1134. Something about supporting
the community, or whatever.Copy !req
1135. Scotty!Copy !req
1136. Come on!Copy !req
1137. Scotty! Come on!Copy !req
1138. You don't wanna let the magic fans down,
do you?Copy !req
1139. Go away!Copy !req
1140. Rowley, what's wrong?Copy !req
1141. My assistant, Scotty, got stage fright
and now he doesn't want to do the show.Copy !req
1142. Maybe Greg would help out.
He can be your assistant.Copy !req
1143. What? No way!Copy !req
1144. What? Rowley is your best friend.Copy !req
1145. This is important to him.
You need to do this.Copy !req
1146. It's okay, Mrs. Heffley.Copy !req
1147. Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills
will think less of him.Copy !req
1148. Rowley.Copy !req
1149. - Mom, can we talk in private?
- Sure.Copy !req
1150. Scotty, please.Copy !req
1151. - Look...
- Who's this Holly Hills?Copy !req
1152. - Is she your girlfriend?
- No!Copy !req
1153. She's just some girl
who happens to be a friendCopy !req
1154. who I don't want to be humiliated
in front of.Copy !req
1155. I see your point.Copy !req
1156. - So is this Holly in your class?
- Mom!Copy !req
1157. Okay.Copy !req
1158. Here we go.Copy !req
1159. So, are you going to make me do it?Copy !req
1160. Please, Scotty.Copy !req
1161. No. No, I get it. I get it.Copy !req
1162. Can you at least point her out to me?Copy !req
1163. Okay, okay, I'll stop.Copy !req
1164. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,Copy !req
1165. welcome to Plainview's Most Talented!Copy !req
1166. And without further ado,
Ms. Patty Farrell!Copy !req
1167. Memory
All alone in the moonlightCopy !req
1168. I can smile at the old daysCopy !req
1169. I was beautiful thenCopy !req
1170. Wow, she's really good.Copy !req
1171. I remember the timeCopy !req
1172. I knew what happiness wasCopy !req
1173. Let the memory live againCopy !req
1174. Touch meCopy !req
1175. It's so easy to leave meCopy !req
1176. All alone with the memoryCopy !req
1177. Of my days in the sunCopy !req
1178. If you touch me...Copy !req
1179. Greg, she's cute.Copy !req
1180. - She's super cute.
- Mom!Copy !req
1181. Look, a new dayCopy !req
1182. Has begunCopy !req
1183. Oh, thank you!Copy !req
1184. Say hello to the boys and girls, Freggers.Copy !req
1185. Hello, boys and girls! I love you.Copy !req
1186. And tonight, when you are all fast asleepCopy !req
1187. I'm going to crawl through your window
and give you all a big hug!Copy !req
1188. Hey, you could do that. Right?Copy !req
1189. Yeah.Copy !req
1190. A real live nephew of my Uncle SamCopy !req
1191. I was born on the 4th of JulyCopy !req
1192. I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheartCopy !req
1193. She's my Yankee Doodle joyCopy !req
1194. Yankee doodle came to...Copy !req
1195. You can't go on without me.
I started Löded Diper. I'm the backbone!Copy !req
1196. Well, we got a new backbone now, dude.Copy !req
1197. This guy.Copy !req
1198. That's rock and roll, bro.Copy !req
1199. Did you guys see the audience?
Oh, man! It's huge.Copy !req
1200. This roller-skating kid is really good!Copy !req
1201. Don't you think...Copy !req
1202. Greg! Where have you been?
I've been looking all over for you.Copy !req
1203. Mom, you need to let Rodrick
play in the talent show tonight.Copy !req
1204. Greg, we've been over this.
He needs to learn a lesson.Copy !req
1205. His band is playing without him,
and it's not fair.Copy !req
1206. And I'm sure that's very hard on him,
but I can't go back on the punishment.Copy !req
1207. - Mom.
- Yes?Copy !req
1208. You let Rodrick play in the talent show,Copy !req
1209. I'll...Copy !req
1210. do the magic thing with Rowley.Copy !req
1211. Really? You'd do that?Copy !req
1212. You'll be Rowley's partner,
even though you saidCopy !req
1213. it's totally embarrassing and humiliating?Copy !req
1214. You're willing to do that
just so your brother can play?Copy !req
1215. Yes.Copy !req
1216. Come here.Copy !req
1217. I mean, how bad can it be?Copy !req
1218. Scotty was right.
There's a lot of people out there.Copy !req
1219. Just start with your opening trick,
like you rehearsed at home.Copy !req
1220. Forget about all the people. Go.Copy !req
1221. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
1222. I am the Remarkable Rowley,
master of illusion.Copy !req
1223. And joining me onstage is
my faithful assistant, Scotty.Copy !req
1224. - Greg!Copy !req
1225. Greg.Copy !req
1226. Who looks a little cold.
Maybe he needs a scarf.Copy !req
1227. Ew! Don't put them on me!
They're still wet!Copy !req
1228. Sorry, Greg. Here's a peace offering.Copy !req
1229. Fly. Fly away. Be free, little friend.Copy !req
1230. Oh. Oh.Copy !req
1231. That thing's dead.Copy !req
1232. I think I had him in my pocket too long.Copy !req
1233. No hard feelings?Copy !req
1234. Keep going. We're a hit!Copy !req
1235. And now, for my grand finale,Copy !req
1236. the saw-the-lady-in-half trick!Copy !req
1237. If you will.Copy !req
1238. - Push out the feet.
- Okay.Copy !req
1239. No trap doors. No chance of escape.Copy !req
1240. I will now miraculously saw Greg in half.Copy !req
1241. Wait. Forget it! I want out!Copy !req
1242. - What are you doing?
- This is the showstopper!Copy !req
1243. Good, then stop!Copy !req
1244. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1245. Ladies and gentlemen,
the Remarkable Rowley!Copy !req
1246. And Greg the Great!Copy !req
1247. That should have been me!Copy !req
1248. We killed. And I didn't have to die!Copy !req
1249. It was even better than it was
in the rehearsals.Copy !req
1250. - Hi.
- Can I have your autograph?Copy !req
1251. Sure. Sure.Copy !req
1252. Your performance was pathetic,
Greg Heffley!Copy !req
1253. Only a moron would find humor
in bird poop!Copy !req
1254. You stupid bird!Copy !req
1255. Oh, my gosh. You guys did great.
That was really funny.Copy !req
1256. - The unitard or the performance?
- Both.Copy !req
1257. - Thank you, thank you! Thank you.
- Just do your best, honey.Copy !req
1258. Oh, um...Copy !req
1259. - Can I borrow your eyeliner?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1260. Looks like you guys made up.Copy !req
1261. We're brothers.Copy !req
1262. Please welcome to the stageCopy !req
1263. Löded Diper! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1264. Mom, go! Get off the stage!Copy !req
1265. We are Löded Diper!Copy !req
1266. You told us we were losersCopy !req
1267. And we can't do nothing rightCopy !req
1268. You said we'd never make itCopy !req
1269. But just look at us tonightCopy !req
1270. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1271. All over the place!Copy !req
1272. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1273. In your faceCopy !req
1274. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1275. We can't be stoppedCopy !req
1276. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1277. Your head is gonna popCopy !req
1278. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1279. You can't keep us downCopy !req
1280. We're gonna hit the fanCopy !req
1281. And rock this sleepy townCopy !req
1282. Get up, all you haters!Copy !req
1283. Dude, they love us!Copy !req
1284. No hard feelings, right, bro?Copy !req
1285. Hey, Bill, you know what?Copy !req
1286. When we're done tonight,
you're out of the band.Copy !req
1287. - What?
- That's rock and roll, bro.Copy !req
1288. Löded
DiperCopy !req
1289. Löded
DiperCopy !req
1290. Löded
DiperCopy !req
1291. Come here. Look.Copy !req
1292. Dad? Are we going to tell themCopy !req
1293. that the audience
went crazy for Mom's weird dancing?Copy !req
1294. He's happy. She's happy.Copy !req
1295. I say we keep this one
between the two of us, okay?Copy !req
1296. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1297. It's us, the Diper
And yes, we rockCopy !req
1298. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1299. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1300. So, I just wanted to say thatCopy !req
1301. you getting Mom to let me play
last night was really cool.Copy !req
1302. Yeah, well, I kind of owed you.Copy !req
1303. Oh, and here.Copy !req
1304. - The tape? You're giving it to me?
- Hey!Copy !req
1305. Don't make a big deal about it
or I'll post it on YouTube, okay?Copy !req
1306. Now get out.Copy !req
1307. Doofus.Copy !req
1308. Okay.Copy !req
1309. Later.Copy !req
1310. Butt-brain!Copy !req
1311. You know, I guess having a big brother
isn't all that bad.Copy !req
1312. Maybe we don't always get along,
but I know he's gonna be there for me.Copy !req
1313. Hey, I just spilled grape juice on the couch
and kind of blamed it on you.Copy !req
1314. Later.Copy !req
1315. I'll get him back.Copy !req
1316. Action!Copy !req
1317. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1318. All over the place!Copy !req
1319. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1320. Okay, it's uploaded.Copy !req
1321. In your faceCopy !req
1322. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1323. Holy cow.Copy !req
1324. This is huge!
We're an Internet sensation!Copy !req
1325. Greg! You are so dead!Copy !req
1326. Exploded DiperCopy !req
1327. English - US - SDHCopy !req