1. In many ways, they'll
miss the good old daysCopy !req
2. Someday, somedayCopy !req
3. Yeah, it hurts to say
But I want you to stayCopy !req
4. Sometimes, sometimesCopy !req
5. Oh, my ex says I'm lacking in depthCopy !req
6. I will do my bestCopy !req
7. You say you wanna stay by my sideCopy !req
8. Darlin', your head's not rightCopy !req
9. See, alone we stand
Together we fall apartCopy !req
10. Yeah, I think I'll be all rightCopy !req
11. - Hey, David.
- Hey, Joey.Copy !req
12. Your brother's looking for you.Copy !req
13. - Hey.
- Hey, David.Copy !req
14. Where the hell were you?Copy !req
15. - Did you take the truck home again?
- Yeah.Copy !req
16. Pop asked you not to use the meat
truck for personal purposes.Copy !req
17. - Hi, Mom.
- But you did it anyway?Copy !req
18. Uh-huh.Copy !req
19. - Do you have the jerseys for tonight?
- Yes.Copy !req
20. No, no, no, seriously. Do you
have the jerseys for tonight?Copy !req
21. - Yes. Yes, sweetheart, yes.
- Aleksy, hang up.Copy !req
22. Yeah, sweetheart.Copy !req
23. I should never have gotten
this woman pregnant.Copy !req
24. Do not procreate, David.Copy !req
25. Reproduction is a very bad idea.
Do not reproduce, ever.Copy !req
26. Hey, I'm sorry.Copy !req
27. To pay back some money that I owe,Copy !req
28. I've built a little hydroponic
greenhouse in my apartment.Copy !req
29. You're... You're growing pot?Copy !req
30. And you're the only person
I know with a green thumb.Copy !req
31. - And you want me to grow pot?
- Yeah.Copy !req
32. Right. Absolutely.Copy !req
33. That is the one thing missing for me
right now to achieve total happiness.Copy !req
34. Getting into a drug ring.Copy !req
35. Because the pressure of my wife
calling me every three minutesCopy !req
36. because she's about to give birth to
my first child isn't intense enough.Copy !req
37. How much do you owe?Copy !req
38. - Eighty.
- "Eighty"?Copy !req
39. - Eighty thousand.
- Eighty thousand?Copy !req
40. When you say it with that face,
it does make it seem like a lot.Copy !req
41. How do you get yourself into
these situations, David?Copy !req
42. $80,000?Copy !req
43. What happened?
How do you owe someone $80,000?Copy !req
44. I borrowed money
to invest in Newtech.Copy !req
45. - That is a pyramid scheme.
- It is not a pyramid scheme.Copy !req
46. - The guy was arrested!
- Those charges were unrelated!Copy !req
47. - He was arrested!
- David.Copy !req
48. You know, David,
I love you like a son.Copy !req
49. I am your son.Copy !req
50. Which is why I love you like a son.Copy !req
51. But if you don't have our new
jerseys for tonight's game...Copy !req
52. I have the jerseys.Copy !req
53. You gotta have the jerseys.
It's the team picture.Copy !req
54. I have the jerseys.Copy !req
55. He won't have the jerseys.Copy !req
56. Come on, come on.Copy !req
57. Your loan has been denied.Copy !req
58. But if I don't get the $80,000,Copy !req
59. there's people that are
gonna come and drown me.Copy !req
60. Can you please put that
down on your little form,Copy !req
61. that there's people that
are gonna come drown me?Copy !req
62. You do not have the
necessary collateral.Copy !req
63. That is why we're not
gonna give you any money.Copy !req
64. Basically, then, you're just
a big goddamn pawn shop.Copy !req
65. No, we're not a pawn shop.Copy !req
66. You're a pawn shop
with fancy furniture.Copy !req
67. And for all these reasons, I have
to turn down your application.Copy !req
68. I'm very sorry.Copy !req
69. All right. I understand.Copy !req
70. This is a hold-up.Copy !req
71. Excuse me?Copy !req
72. I said, "All right. I understand."Copy !req
73. This is a hold-up, asshole.Copy !req
74. - Excuse me, you just said something.
- No.Copy !req
75. - Just then, you said something.
- No.Copy !req
76. I'm here. I'm David Wozniak.
I'm here to pick up my jerseys.Copy !req
77. - I've been waiting for you.
- I know! I know!Copy !req
78. I'm so sorry, but my
team photo is tonight.Copy !req
79. The whole team has to have their
jerseys, it's for the whole year.Copy !req
80. - All right already!
- Thank you so much.Copy !req
81. I really do appreciate it.Copy !req
82. Yes!Copy !req
83. - A bag?
- No.Copy !req
84. Rolling papers?Copy !req
85. I grow tomatoes.Copy !req
86. Hey! it's a delivery truck!
I'm making a delivery.Copy !req
87. You're kidding me, right?Copy !req
88. Yes. I swear I have the
jerseys, on our mother's...Copy !req
89. Yes! On our mother's grave.Copy !req
90. The jerseys are with me
in the truck as we speak.Copy !req
91. Hey! Come on, stop! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
92. You got my jerseys!Copy !req
93. - I know it's late.
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
94. But you brought me
such beautiful flowers.Copy !req
95. I did.Copy !req
96. And Mr. Bernstein takes
such great care of them.Copy !req
97. Where have you been, David?Copy !req
98. Emma, I'm sorry.Copy !req
99. I was trying to pay back
some money that I owe.Copy !req
100. I understand, but why
can't you call or text?Copy !req
101. And why can't I come to
your apartment anymore?Copy !req
102. I never said you couldn't
come to my place.Copy !req
103. - Are you hiding something?
- Nothing.Copy !req
104. You're sure you're not hiding
anything in your apartment.Copy !req
105. Nope.Copy !req
106. I'm pregnant.Copy !req
107. That's great.Copy !req
108. Yeah.Copy !req
109. - Emma...
- No.Copy !req
110. You know what? I can...Copy !req
111. I can do this on my own.Copy !req
112. What do you mean, "on your own"?Copy !req
113. I want a child, okay?Copy !req
114. But I don't want a fatherCopy !req
115. who just disappears
because he gets too busy.Copy !req
116. You're unreliable.Copy !req
117. I mean, you've got...
You've got money problems.Copy !req
118. You basically don't have a life.
This is not a life.Copy !req
119. - I have a life.
- You don't have a life.Copy !req
120. People who have a life do not
ring pregnant women's doorbellsCopy !req
121. at 3:00 in the morning.Copy !req
122. I didn't know you were pregnant.Copy !req
123. David, you would know.Copy !req
124. If you just called me
every once in a while.Copy !req
125. I guess...Copy !req
126. I guess at first, for a
second there, I was in shock.Copy !req
127. I mean, you know, it was a shock.Copy !req
128. But then, you know, the...Copy !req
129. That feeling of fear went away,
and I got this feelingCopy !req
130. that this could be the most beautiful
thing that ever happened to me.Copy !req
131. Stevie, no. Hey, Stevie, no!Copy !req
132. Hey, it's 3:00 in the morning.
Go back to bed. Go back to bed.Copy !req
133. Back to bed. Not in the sandbox.Copy !req
134. Hey, where are you going?
No, don't go in the sandbox.Copy !req
135. Not in the sandbox!Copy !req
136. You gotta talk Emma into
getting an abortion.Copy !req
137. - What?
- You have to.Copy !req
138. How could you say such a thing?Copy !req
139. How can you say stuff like that
in front of your children?Copy !req
140. My children know that they're
too old to be aborted.Copy !req
141. I'm realizing that
I might want a kid.Copy !req
142. You are a free man.
You do not want kids.Copy !req
143. Kids are a black hole.Copy !req
144. They will suck up all of your energy,
your money, your time, your hair.Copy !req
145. Remember when I had great hair?Copy !req
146. I can't get it up anymore.Copy !req
147. How can you talk like this
in front of your children?Copy !req
148. I can say anything I want in front of my
children because they don't listen to me.Copy !req
149. My children do not pick up on
the frequencies of my voice.Copy !req
150. And I'm telling you,Copy !req
151. I have a problem achieving
a full erection now.Copy !req
152. It's not normal for a man of my age
to no longer have a nice, big erection.Copy !req
153. Hey, what are you doing?
Listen to me, go back to bed.Copy !req
154. Not in the sandbox.Copy !req
155. Don't get in the sand.
Don't go in the sand!Copy !req
156. - As your friend...
- Daddy?Copy !req
157. No. No, no, no. Hey.Copy !req
158. - Dad.
- Back to bed, honey.Copy !req
159. Daddy.Copy !req
160. I'm trying to have a conversation.
Please stop that.Copy !req
161. - Daddy!
- Okay, stop that now.Copy !req
162. I'm telling you, I think
I might want a kid.Copy !req
163. As your friend and as your lawyer,
David, may I be brutally frank with you?Copy !req
164. Sure.Copy !req
165. You don't have the skills
to bring up a child.Copy !req
166. I need order in my life.Copy !req
167. And this is order?Copy !req
168. I think this is beautiful.Copy !req
169. Daddy!Copy !req
170. David Wozniak.Copy !req
171. Uh, the back door was
already broken into.Copy !req
172. My name is Mark Williams.
I'm an attorney.Copy !req
173. I've been trying to contact you
for several days now, Mr. Wozniak.Copy !req
174. I do not have a great deal of time.Copy !req
175. I shall be brief.Copy !req
176. Between 1991 and 1994,Copy !req
177. you donated sperm under
the pseudonym "Starbuck"Copy !req
178. at the privately-owned
Graboski-Levitt Clinic,Copy !req
179. which I represent.Copy !req
180. No.Copy !req
181. That was not a question,
it was a statement.Copy !req
182. We have all the documents
necessary to prove it.Copy !req
183. Over the course of 33 months,
you were a very, very frequent donor.Copy !req
184. You donated 693 timesCopy !req
185. in exchange for which you
received the sum of $24,255.Copy !req
186. Your sperm is of a
very high quality.Copy !req
187. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
188. I'm sure your sperm
is also high-end.Copy !req
189. Uh...Copy !req
190. Certain complications arose,
which meant that for a period,Copy !req
191. Mr. Graboski-Levitt gave your spermCopy !req
192. to all the women in his clientele.Copy !req
193. You have sired 533 childrenCopy !req
194. and 142 of them wish
to know your identity.Copy !req
195. What?Copy !req
196. You are the biological
father of 533 children.Copy !req
197. At the time of each of
your multiple donations,Copy !req
198. you signed a
confidentiality agreement.Copy !req
199. Legally, the Graboski-Levitt Clinic is
obligated to protect your identity.Copy !req
200. But a subset of your childrenCopy !req
201. is contesting the legality
of those documents.Copy !req
202. They wish to know who Starbuck is.Copy !req
203. You say that for each of
the 693 sperm donationsCopy !req
204. you signed a confidentiality agreement
under the pseudonym of "Starbuck"?Copy !req
205. Every time. Always.Copy !req
206. I always signed the
confidentially agreement, always.Copy !req
207. And you signed those documentsCopy !req
208. before or after executing
the manual labor?Copy !req
209. Before.Copy !req
210. And you always wrestled
the dragon alone?Copy !req
211. Yes.Copy !req
212. Frankly, I'm disappointed you
never told me about any of this.Copy !req
213. Usually you call up your
friends after you get laid,Copy !req
214. not after you wrestle
the dragon alone.Copy !req
215. But if you absolutely insist,Copy !req
216. I promise you I will phone you
every single time I fly solo.Copy !req
217. That's an interesting offer.
Unfortunately, way too time-consuming.Copy !req
218. Listen, they claim that your right
to privacy should take a back seatCopy !req
219. to their basic human right to know
who their biological father is.Copy !req
220. It's very complex.
Very, very complex.Copy !req
221. It's...Copy !req
222. It's really complex.Copy !req
223. Do you know that this is
the dream of every lawyerCopy !req
224. to argue a case this significant?Copy !req
225. A case that will leave its mark?
That will stand as a precedent?Copy !req
226. My mother always said that
I would never amount to anything.Copy !req
227. - I'll show that old bitch.
- What do we do now?Copy !req
228. As your lawyer, I suggest you
cease masturbating in fertility clinics.Copy !req
229. - Do I have to get a real lawyer?
- You can't afford a real lawyer.Copy !req
230. I'm gonna call the Bar Association
today, reactivate my license.Copy !req
231. You don't have a license?Copy !req
232. I lost it because of
a small formality.Copy !req
233. Something about a missing dated
form and a bribe. It's nothing.Copy !req
234. Oh! Yes, in hopes of persuading
Starbuck to meet with them,Copy !req
235. 142 of the children in your lawsuit
want you to know who they are.Copy !req
236. This envelope contains the
profiles of 142 of your children.Copy !req
237. Do not open it!Copy !req
238. Brett.Copy !req
239. Hey, Starbuck.Copy !req
240. Don't call me that.
Can Susan take the kids?Copy !req
241. When she's not investing all
her energy in her new career,Copy !req
242. she prefers to wisely use her time
sleeping with men I don't like.Copy !req
243. Do you have a babysitter?Copy !req
244. Why, you need someone to
watch over that envelope?Copy !req
245. I know I shouldn't have,
but I've opened it.Copy !req
246. Worst idea ever.Copy !req
247. I picked out one of the profiles.
I just picked one.Copy !req
248. One. Do you know whose
profile I picked?Copy !req
249. Andrew Johansson.Copy !req
250. We got to go.Copy !req
251. What do you got?Copy !req
252. - $225
- $200,Copy !req
253. There he is.Copy !req
254. Let's go, baby. Take it. Take it.Copy !req
255. Come on, 13! Let's go, 13!
Come on, Johansson.Copy !req
256. 13 is wide open! Let's go!Copy !req
257. Yeah!Copy !req
258. Andrew Johansson with the three.Copy !req
259. Play defense, play defense,
play defense!Copy !req
260. Play defense, play defense! Yes!
Do you see him? Do you see him?Copy !req
261. He stopped it, he blocked it.
He got right in the lane.Copy !req
262. Did you see him get in the lane?
Did you see 13 get in the lane?Copy !req
263. We got 13, guys.Copy !req
264. Why don't they put him in?
Why don't they put him in?Copy !req
265. The game's almost over.Copy !req
266. Why are they not...
They put him in!Copy !req
267. Andrew Johansson.Copy !req
268. Thirteen seconds.Copy !req
269. Okay, set up. He's open,
he's open, he's open.Copy !req
270. Hit him, hit him, hit him!Copy !req
271. Pass it to 13! Pass it to 13!Copy !req
272. Why won't they give it to 13?
Give it to him!Copy !req
273. He's open! Catch it.
Got it, got it, got it!Copy !req
274. Andrew! Andrew! Andrew!Copy !req
275. Andrew! Andrew!Copy !req
276. Those were my genes.Copy !req
277. My genes were on a professional
basketball court tonight!Copy !req
278. In a way, you could say that
that was an extension of myselfCopy !req
279. that hit that game-winning shot!Copy !req
280. I mean, do your kids play
professional basketball?Copy !req
281. No, not to my knowledge.
But I will inquire.Copy !req
282. They don't tell me everything.Copy !req
283. So, I've been thinking that
we could plead insanity.Copy !req
284. - What?
- I don't know.Copy !req
285. Maybe you would not
be held responsibleCopy !req
286. for actions taken while
mentally unstable.Copy !req
287. We could bank on your
mental problems.Copy !req
288. I don't have mental problems.Copy !req
289. I don't have mental problems!Copy !req
290. When we're in court, I want you
to say it exactly that way.Copy !req
291. One, two, three, Wozniak!Copy !req
292. Let's go.Copy !req
293. Come on! One, two.
One, two. One two.Copy !req
294. Big time, big time, big time!Copy !req
295. Let's play some basketball.Copy !req
296. Come in. Back up, back up!Copy !req
297. Hurry up! Come up, up, up!Copy !req
298. - Are you allowed to hit the arm?
- No.Copy !req
299. Okay. Pick and roll!Copy !req
300. Let's go! Back, back,
back! D, D, D!Copy !req
301. Great steal! Here we go, hit me!Copy !req
302. I'm going in for the jam.
Okay, not a jam.Copy !req
303. What the hell position
is he playing?Copy !req
304. A little help? Thank you.Copy !req
305. All right. Why don't we
meet up back here at two?Copy !req
306. Emma!Copy !req
307. Uh...Copy !req
308. Give me a second?Copy !req
309. I have officially
decided to have a life.Copy !req
310. I'm at work.Copy !req
311. I'm going to convince you that
I deserve to be this kid's father.Copy !req
312. I'm sorry, excuse me.Copy !req
313. Four days in a row,
I have not had any sleep.Copy !req
314. But I've never been
so happy in my life.Copy !req
315. I never thought that I would
love anyone that much.Copy !req
316. The kid poops four times a day
and I think I'm losing my mind.Copy !req
317. I think I'm going crazy,
because I swearCopy !req
318. his diapers make me so proud.Copy !req
319. I'm totally convinced that my childCopy !req
320. takes way better dumps
than any other kid.Copy !req
321. Your brother wants parental leaveCopy !req
322. so he can spend more time
admiring his son's diapers.Copy !req
323. It's the law, okay?
I'm entitled to parental leave.Copy !req
324. I had three kids, and two hours
after each of them was born,Copy !req
325. I was here, serving customers.Copy !req
326. You absolutely have
to have kids, David.Copy !req
327. What?Copy !req
328. My girlfriends pregnant.Copy !req
329. You got a girlfriend?Copy !req
330. Yeah.Copy !req
331. David, you're gonna love it.
You are gonna love it.Copy !req
332. Your kid is never gonna
poop as good as my kid,Copy !req
333. but you are gonna love it.Copy !req
334. - Can you believe that?
- No.Copy !req
335. I promise, I will
only be gone an hour.Copy !req
336. No, I won't. Look,
I've called everyone.Copy !req
337. How many times have
I covered for you?Copy !req
338. Oh, my God, man.Copy !req
339. I'm begging you, man.Copy !req
340. I really, really need
you to do this for me.Copy !req
341. I can't even talk to you.Copy !req
342. Yeah?Copy !req
343. Can I help you?Copy !req
344. I'll have a espresso to go, please.Copy !req
345. I said "to go."Copy !req
346. Is there a lid?Copy !req
347. Do you have a lid?Copy !req
348. Usually, you get a lid when
you order a coffee to go.Copy !req
349. $3.25.Copy !req
350. You could be a bit more polite.Copy !req
351. Polite?Copy !req
352. I'm a customer.Copy !req
353. You're a barista.Copy !req
354. Would it be possible to
act in a polite manner?Copy !req
355. What the hell are
you talking about?Copy !req
356. I'm talking about a little
"please" and "thank you."Copy !req
357. - A little thank you.
- Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
358. Is that not considered cool
by your generation anymore?Copy !req
359. Who the hell are you, man?Copy !req
360. I'm just saying if you
smiled a little more,Copy !req
361. maybe there would be
more people in here.Copy !req
362. If you want to be a waiter...Copy !req
363. Well, there's the thing.
I don't want to be a waiter.Copy !req
364. I'm an actor.Copy !req
365. I am an actor missing the opportunity
of a lifetime right now.Copy !req
366. And you, because you give me
three bucks and a quarter,Copy !req
367. you want me to smile?Copy !req
368. You want me to smile when I am
totally pissing away my life?Copy !req
369. It doesn't have to be a big smile.Copy !req
370. Okay.Copy !req
371. Have a nice day.Copy !req
372. Good afternoon.Copy !req
373. I'll take care of the coffee shop.Copy !req
374. Yes or no?Copy !req
375. Customers come in sometimes.Copy !req
376. It isn't always empty.
I can't leave you with the shop.Copy !req
377. But it's the role of a lifetime.Copy !req
378. Yeah, and how do I know you won't
just walk off with the cash?Copy !req
379. You can leave with my
truck full of meat.Copy !req
380. And why would you do this?Copy !req
381. Satisfaction of knowing
that you helped someoneCopy !req
382. make something of themself.Copy !req
383. Bring it back without a scratch.Copy !req
384. Okay. People might come in.Copy !req
385. I can figure out how to
make a cup of coffee.Copy !req
386. All right. Okay.Copy !req
387. Thanks.Copy !req
388. It is total chaos in the
meat market today, David.Copy !req
389. And you decide to disappear?Copy !req
390. In the whole family business,Copy !req
391. you know you've got
the easiest job, right?Copy !req
392. And in spite of having the simplest job,
you manage to do the job badly!Copy !req
393. It's like every day you find a new wayCopy !req
394. to push back the frontiers
of incompetence!Copy !req
395. There are only two components
to your chosen occupation.Copy !req
396. Get meat, deliver meat.Copy !req
397. That's not what I ordered.Copy !req
398. It's free.Copy !req
399. Take it, it's free.Copy !req
400. You're no longer a "deliverer."
You're more of a "keeper."Copy !req
401. Why is our truck still
full of meat? Why?Copy !req
402. Why have you only taken
our meat out for a drive?Copy !req
403. - Yeah?
- I'll have...Copy !req
404. Tell me who you are
before I call the cops.Copy !req
405. I'm the waiter.Copy !req
406. I'm the owner.Copy !req
407. I do the hiring here.Copy !req
408. Josh got called in for the
audition of a lifetime.Copy !req
409. Fine. He can look for
another job, then.Copy !req
410. Sir, it was the
audition of a lifetime.Copy !req
411. That's not the problem.Copy !req
412. What's the problem?Copy !req
413. He's not a good actor.
He has never been cast.Copy !req
414. Never.Copy !req
415. He's a good kid,
but he's wasting his life.Copy !req
416. He's fired.Copy !req
417. Look, this whole thing was my idea.Copy !req
418. So, I guess it's your fault
if he can't pay his rent.Copy !req
419. I lost my job?Copy !req
420. You lost your job.Copy !req
421. I got the part.Copy !req
422. You got the part?Copy !req
423. Yeah, they loved me.Copy !req
424. You got the part?Copy !req
425. As of today, I'm an actor.Copy !req
426. Congratulations, man!
- Thanks.Copy !req
427. Thanks, man. Thanks.Copy !req
428. Wow!Copy !req
429. I knew it! I knew you
were gonna bail on me.Copy !req
430. How the hell am I
supposed to pay the rent?Copy !req
431. Okay, wait. No, no, wait! Wait!Copy !req
432. The cash is on the table.
I'm four dollars short.Copy !req
433. Peter, you owe me money.Copy !req
434. No, you owe me money!Copy !req
435. Okay, so then, what are
you gonna do about it?Copy !req
436. You told me June.Copy !req
437. Tell me, what am I
supposed to do now, huh?Copy !req
438. Tell me!
What am I supposed to do now?Copy !req
439. Miss, don't worry about the money.Copy !req
440. You, uh, won your pizza.Copy !req
441. Yeah, you won the contest.Copy !req
442. You won our, uh...Copy !req
443. You won our "Eat and Win" contest.Copy !req
444. I don't know what you want,
but this is not a good time.Copy !req
445. I'm not doing too well right now,
so can you leave my apartment?Copy !req
446. Yes.Copy !req
447. Yes, absolutely.Copy !req
448. I'm about to call the police!Copy !req
449. No. No need for that at all.Copy !req
450. It's only that I can see that
you're not doing very well,Copy !req
451. and we have a policyCopy !req
452. that's very, very, very strictCopy !req
453. in the condition in which
we can leave our customers.Copy !req
454. Here at...Copy !req
455. At Rocco's Pizzeria, we believe
in a more humane pizza.Copy !req
456. So, is everything okay?Copy !req
457. Miss?Copy !req
458. Shit!Copy !req
459. Okay, okay, you're okay, you're okay.
You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.Copy !req
460. Miss. Miss!Copy !req
461. - Kristen?
- Miss!Copy !req
462. Let go of me!Copy !req
463. Kristen! Kristen!Copy !req
464. Excuse me, and who are you?Copy !req
465. Are you ashamed to say
you're my father?Copy !req
466. No.Copy !req
467. May I have a word with you?Copy !req
468. Yes.Copy !req
469. The good news is
that for the moment,Copy !req
470. we just happen to have a spot
open in our rehab program.Copy !req
471. The bad news is that your daughterCopy !req
472. seems totally uninterested
in the program.Copy !req
473. Since she is still a minor,
it's your decision.Copy !req
474. - I'm not...
- It's a very good program.Copy !req
475. We've gotten great results.Copy !req
476. I'll talk to her.Copy !req
477. Hi.Copy !req
478. How are you?Copy !req
479. Please sign the release.Copy !req
480. Look, I don't know
who you are, but...Copy !req
481. I'm begging you, sign the papers.Copy !req
482. - They have a great program here.
- I can stop on my own.Copy !req
483. I mean, I just had the
scare of my life!Copy !req
484. - Please sign the papers.
- I think the program is...Copy !req
485. No, if I do the program then
I'm gonna be surroundedCopy !req
486. 24 hours a day by addicts.Copy !req
487. And I guarantee, I will relapse.Copy !req
488. People don't stop using
in these programs.Copy !req
489. They stop when they wanna stop.Copy !req
490. - They will help you.
- They'll lock me up.Copy !req
491. And I'll lose my job. I just...Copy !req
492. I just got this great jobCopy !req
493. and I have nothing in my
life besides this job.Copy !req
494. - I'll talk to the...
- Thank you.Copy !req
495. I'm going to sign the release.Copy !req
496. Worst decision that
you'll ever make.Copy !req
497. She says she'll be happy.Copy !req
498. Right now she doesn't
need to be happy.Copy !req
499. She needs to stop using.Copy !req
500. And she will.Copy !req
501. Do you love your daughter?Copy !req
502. I do.Copy !req
503. Tell her. Go tell her
that you love her.Copy !req
504. And tell her that you will
not sign that release.Copy !req
505. Where do you work?Copy !req
506. Bloomingdale's.Copy !req
507. - You're okay for tonight?
- Yes.Copy !req
508. - And you got my number.
- Yeah.Copy !req
509. - Great. You start work tomorrow at...
- 8:00.Copy !req
510. - Okay. And you'll be there at 8:00?
- 8:00.Copy !req
511. Okay.Copy !req
512. Well...Copy !req
513. In my life, I have a tendencyCopy !req
514. to make very, very,
very bad decisions.Copy !req
515. Tell me that I haven't just
made another wrong decision.Copy !req
516. You haven't.Copy !req
517. Thanks.Copy !req
518. Oh, man.Copy !req
519. Yes.Copy !req
520. Yes!Copy !req
521. Thank you, thank you. Yes!Copy !req
522. Whoo!Copy !req
523. WonderfulCopy !req
524. GloriousCopy !req
525. The sum of all your experiencesCopy !req
526. A living breathing
result of the fightCopy !req
527. And every night you spent
shrouded in darknessCopy !req
528. Has led you to this moment in the light
It's all rightCopy !req
529. WonderfulCopy !req
530. GloriousCopy !req
531. I've never even tried that.Copy !req
532. When you do it, it's different
than regular Pilates?Copy !req
533. That is why notable
notorious Americans,Copy !req
534. such as Roger Morris,
George Washington,Copy !req
535. Eliza Jumel and Aaron Burr...Copy !req
536. I'm a writer, too. I like to write.Copy !req
537. - Oh, that's awesome.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
538. - You hold me still.
- Taxi!Copy !req
539. All right.Copy !req
540. Yeah.Copy !req
541. Grab my hand.Copy !req
542. - Just watch me dance.
- Okay.Copy !req
543. Here, just take it.Copy !req
544. Wow! Okay, thanks!Copy !req
545. How about hitting this guy up?Copy !req
546. Yeah! Do you feel that?Copy !req
547. have all called the
Morris-Jumel Mansion "home."Copy !req
548. - Nice!
- Thank you.Copy !req
549. - Exciting.
- Thank you.Copy !req
550. It's all right.Copy !req
551. No, no. Okay.Copy !req
552. Okay, okay!Copy !req
553. My love is beautiful
It's here for the takingCopy !req
554. It's strong and pure and
utterly earth-shakingCopy !req
555. My love has brought me
here to show you it's trueCopy !req
556. A wretch like me
You'll make it throughCopy !req
557. Hey, come on, buddy,Copy !req
558. what are you doing?
You never see a girl before?Copy !req
559. Wow.Copy !req
560. Honestly, really?
Just keep walking.Copy !req
561. That's what I'm talking about.
Hey, Shorty!Copy !req
562. Hello, Ice Queen!Copy !req
563. Hey, Ice Queen,
I need a hand over here.Copy !req
564. Hey, I need a hand right here!Copy !req
565. Oh!Copy !req
566. Did you say "Ice Queen"?Copy !req
567. - Did you actually say "Ice Queen"?
- Yeah.Copy !req
568. Don't say that!Copy !req
569. Don't say stuff like that!Copy !req
570. All right.Copy !req
571. all called the Roger
Morris-Jumel Mansion "home."Copy !req
572. Oh! Yeah! Yeah!
Was that unbelievable? Unbelievable!Copy !req
573. Don't forget the money, guys.Copy !req
574. And everything became clear.Copy !req
575. I had kind of an epiphany.Copy !req
576. I cannot be the father
of 533 children.Copy !req
577. It's not possible.Copy !req
578. It is impossible to be the
father of 533 children.Copy !req
579. It is impossible to be the
father of four children.Copy !req
580. Right! Exactly. It's impossible.Copy !req
581. But I can be their guardian angel.Copy !req
582. Their guardian angel?Copy !req
583. They need me.
They need a guardian angel.Copy !req
584. They need someone to
look out for them.Copy !req
585. And I fathered them,
so it's my responsibility.Copy !req
586. So, you're telling me that your
purpose on Earth is to look out for,Copy !req
587. like a superhero, 533 children.Copy !req
588. I didn't say "superhero."Copy !req
589. Out of curiosity,Copy !req
590. when you're looking out
for these children,Copy !req
591. will you be wearing
any kind of cape?Copy !req
592. I didn't say "superhero?
I said "guardian angel."Copy !req
593. So, no cape, but you will
have wings and play the harp.Copy !req
594. I'm starting to feel more and more
comfortable with this insanity plea.Copy !req
595. I do not have mental problems.Copy !req
596. Say it exactly like
that to the judge.Copy !req
597. Thanks.Copy !req
598. Hey, there.Copy !req
599. So, today is the first ultrasound.Copy !req
600. David, look, I need...
I need a friend.Copy !req
601. - I'm a friend.
- I want that to be clear.Copy !req
602. It's clear.Copy !req
603. Okay, well, let's get going.Copy !req
604. I drank a gallon of waterCopy !req
605. and I'm not allowed lo pee
before the ultrasound.Copy !req
606. - So, is that the leg there?
- That is.Copy !req
607. Which one? Which one's the leg?Copy !req
608. The white spot that you see.Copy !req
609. - And is that the head up high?
- That is the head up high.Copy !req
610. - Okay.
- And we're gonna see the arm.Copy !req
611. - That's amazing.
- Isn't it?Copy !req
612. So, now all the organs are okay?Copy !req
613. Yep. Perfect.Copy !req
614. I just passed by the baby's head.
And there's the belly.Copy !req
615. My God, do you see the belly?Copy !req
616. And there's the whole baby.Copy !req
617. That's incredible.Copy !req
618. David, I'm not sure.Copy !req
619. Not sure of what?Copy !req
620. Look at them. They're monsters.Copy !req
621. I mean, look at that one.
Look at him.Copy !req
622. Emma.Copy !req
623. This is the most absolute beautiful
thing that can happen to anyone.Copy !req
624. Who are you? The Dalai Lama?Copy !req
625. What do you mean,
"the most beautiful thing"?Copy !req
626. And look at that one.
He's eating his own booger.Copy !req
627. It's a great source of protein.Copy !req
628. Listen.Copy !req
629. You are going to be a good mother.Copy !req
630. So, herds what.Copy !req
631. Since I absolutely do
not trust you at all...Copy !req
632. What I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna declare you the father.Copy !req
633. - Yes!
- No, David, wait.Copy !req
634. I'm gonna declare you the
father on probation.Copy !req
635. - "Father on probation"?
- Yeah. You get no slack.Copy !req
636. For how long?Copy !req
637. Forever.Copy !req
638. Will our child have to call me
"Daddy On Probation"?Copy !req
639. No.Copy !req
640. Will I have to wear a uniformCopy !req
641. that will separate me
from the regular daddies?Copy !req
642. - No.
- Then, I accept.Copy !req
643. We're having a kid.
We're having a kid!Copy !req
644. Yes.Copy !req
645. Your name?Copy !req
646. - Earl Monroe.
- And you are?Copy !req
647. A friend.Copy !req
648. He's over there.Copy !req
649. Great.Copy !req
650. Thank you.Copy !req
651. You're not going to visit with him?Copy !req
652. No. I...Copy !req
653. I just wanted to stop
by and see him, and...Copy !req
654. - Well, now I have, so...
- He would really enjoy it.Copy !req
655. Yeah, but...Copy !req
656. Don't worry, just say
whatever comes to mind.Copy !req
657. Hey, Ryan.Copy !req
658. One, two, three.Copy !req
659. Earl Monroe.Copy !req
660. You did good.Copy !req
661. I said nothing the whole time.Copy !req
662. I couldn't get a word out.Copy !req
663. You were there.
You did really good.Copy !req
664. Okay.Copy !req
665. Great.Copy !req
666. In Athabasca, we set a fireCopy !req
667. To the world we left far behindCopy !req
668. All the faces, we put awayCopy !req
669. Lost lives float into spaceCopy !req
670. I got a message, I got a signCopy !req
671. Through the wires swinging in timeCopy !req
672. It's so simple, it's like the sunCopy !req
673. Shines down on everyoneCopy !req
674. Black bird, from the blueCopy !req
675. I give my love to get usedCopy !req
676. Our hopes come trueCopy !req
677. Sabrina!Copy !req
678. Hi. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.Copy !req
679. - You are late.
- I know, I'm sorry.Copy !req
680. Thank you very much.Copy !req
681. Excuse me.Copy !req
682. Sorry.Copy !req
683. Excuse me.Copy !req
684. Look, if we really want
to find out who Starbuck is,Copy !req
685. we need these guys to help
us put together the strategyCopy !req
686. to make sure that this thing
doesn't turn into a circus.Copy !req
687. - We don't have the money.
- We can do it on our own.Copy !req
688. The objective wouldn't be
to always have them there.Copy !req
689. I think if we just take the time to
check out what they've proposed...Copy !req
690. I simply wanted to express the factCopy !req
691. that I feel we were
better off without them.Copy !req
692. Yes, gentleman in the blue.Copy !req
693. Do you have a comment?Copy !req
694. I just want to say that...Copy !req
695. I don't know all of you here.Copy !req
696. But...Copy !req
697. But you're all focused, a lot,Copy !req
698. on finding Starbuck.Copy !req
699. But, whatever happens,Copy !req
700. you're all brothers and sisters.Copy !req
701. You've all found one another.Copy !req
702. - Hey!
- Hey!Copy !req
703. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
704. What are you doing here?Copy !req
705. I'm... Yeah... You know, I'm...Copy !req
706. I'm the father.Copy !req
707. I'm the adoptive father.
I'm Ryan's adoptive father.Copy !req
708. - Ryan?
- He's not here tonight.Copy !req
709. He's at a home for the disabled.Copy !req
710. He's disabled,
and he just couldn't make it.Copy !req
711. - Hey!
- Hey.Copy !req
712. Kristen. This is...Copy !req
713. - Taylor.
- Yeah. Taylor saved my life.Copy !req
714. He saved my life at the pool.
He's a lifeguard.Copy !req
715. And I'm the adoptive
father of Ryan,Copy !req
716. and he couldn't be here,
because he's handicapped.Copy !req
717. You're the father of
one of the children?Copy !req
718. - Adoptive.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
719. - How's it going?
- Hey, hey, hey, Josh!Copy !req
720. Yeah.Copy !req
721. Josh, this is Taylor,
and this is Kristen.Copy !req
722. How's it going?Copy !req
723. Josh worked at a coffee shop,
and he is now an actor.Copy !req
724. Josh, this is Taylor.Copy !req
725. Taylor is a lifeguard.
He saved my life a few months ago.Copy !req
726. And this is Kristen. Orders pizza.
She is also an ex-drug addict.Copy !req
727. And I'm the adoptive fatherCopy !req
728. of a young disabled man
who couldn't be here.Copy !req
729. And his name is Ryan.Copy !req
730. Hey, you're the guy from the park.Copy !req
731. - Hey.
- How are you?Copy !req
732. Great.Copy !req
733. Josh, Kristen and Taylor.Copy !req
734. - Hey.
- How are you?Copy !req
735. What's up? Adam.Copy !req
736. Kristen has got a great job,
and she's still...Copy !req
737. Yep, I'm still working
at Bloomingdale's.Copy !req
738. So the job, which is great.
Everyone's doing great.Copy !req
739. And I'm the adoptive
father of a disabled...Copy !req
740. Young disabled man.Copy !req
741. Ryan, who was obviously...Copy !req
742. Unfortunately, was in conflict
with some of the disabled daysCopy !req
743. of doing the activities and
stuff that we're involved in.Copy !req
744. So, I got the stuff for him.
I gotta run out of here.Copy !req
745. But everyone looks good.Copy !req
746. - Good to see you.
- Great. Great to see you.Copy !req
747. Taxi!Copy !req
748. As of tonight, you are officially part of
a mass action lawsuit against yourself.Copy !req
749. What the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
750. A bit of reconnaissance work.
What the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
751. I was following one of my kids...Copy !req
752. But why are you doing this?
Who does things like that?Copy !req
753. I don't know, I was curious.Copy !req
754. - Stop!
- Stop what?Copy !req
755. Stop everything for
the rest of your life.Copy !req
756. Every time you have an idea,
I want you to come to me,Copy !req
757. and as your friend,
I will shoot your idea down.Copy !req
758. You're not a normal person, David.Copy !req
759. I am a normal person.Copy !req
760. David, we've known each
other for 20 years.Copy !req
761. I can tell you for a fact,
you are not normal.Copy !req
762. I'm very normal.Copy !req
763. Really?Copy !req
764. - What about Mariouka?
- I don't see the point...Copy !req
765. Five years ago,Copy !req
766. you married a Russian woman
that you had never met.Copy !req
767. She needed to get into the country,Copy !req
768. and she promised to clean
my apartment for a year.Copy !req
769. And she disappeared after three
days with her real husband.Copy !req
770. David, how much money did you
lose importing Cuban cigars?Copy !req
771. That guy looked very honest.Copy !req
772. He was in his bathing suit!Copy !req
773. Since when does anybody do business
with a man in his bathing suit?Copy !req
774. Listen, for the first time in my life,
I think I'm doing the right thing.Copy !req
775. You're not doing the right thing.Copy !req
776. Stop seeing your kids!Copy !req
777. Where's our money?Copy !req
778. I'll get it! I said I'll get it.Copy !req
779. It's now $ 100,000.Copy !req
780. So, I really need you
to lend me some cash.Copy !req
781. Tony. It's David. Yeah...Copy !req
782. Hello?Copy !req
783. Phil! Buddy, how are you?Copy !req
784. Rob!Copy !req
785. Nelson!Copy !req
786. All right, don't worry, man.
I understand.Copy !req
787. No, no. I'll catch you soon.Copy !req
788. Hello, David Wozniak.Copy !req
789. All the profiles.Copy !req
790. And I saw on your overdue bills
that your name is David Wozniak.Copy !req
791. I was sitting behind
you at the hotel.Copy !req
792. My name is Viggo.Copy !req
793. I'm your biological son.Copy !req
794. Are you gonna expose me?Copy !req
795. I don't know.Copy !req
796. I don't even really know why
I ever wanted to meet you.Copy !req
797. Who are you?Copy !req
798. What do you do for a living?Copy !req
799. I work at a meat store.Copy !req
800. I'm a vegetarian.Copy !req
801. So, you murder animals.Copy !req
802. No. I deliver the meat.Copy !req
803. I don't murder it.Copy !req
804. I chauffeur it around.Copy !req
805. Leo Tolstoy says that,Copy !req
806. "If a man earnestly
seeks a righteous life,Copy !req
807. "his first act of abstinence
is from animal food."Copy !req
808. I did not know that.Copy !req
809. Sir Thomas More said,Copy !req
810. "The Utopians feel that
slaughtering our fellow creaturesCopy !req
811. "gradually destroys the
sense of compassionCopy !req
812. "which is the finest sentiment of
which our human nature is capable."Copy !req
813. That's interesting.Copy !req
814. Can we keep this our secret?Copy !req
815. Can I stay here a few days?Copy !req
816. I need to get to know you.Copy !req
817. It has only been two weeks,
and he has become unbearable.Copy !req
818. Again this morning,
he called me three times.Copy !req
819. That's three times this morning.
He's taking up all of my time.Copy !req
820. Do whatever he wants.
We can't let him expose you.Copy !req
821. Long conversations.Copy !req
822. Long, like police interrogations.
He feels the need to bond.Copy !req
823. Do whatever he wants,
or he will expose you.Copy !req
824. He wants to point out books that
are so dense and so esotericCopy !req
825. that it's impossible to
make heads or tails of it.Copy !req
826. And then he'll twist it and
ask if I agree with it,Copy !req
827. and then, he'll use it to prove
that somehow I'm full of shit.Copy !req
828. I'm not having conversations
with him, Brett.Copy !req
829. I'm in a chess game that
I don't realize that I'm in.Copy !req
830. And it's exhausting. It's draining.Copy !req
831. No.Copy !req
832. - Answer it.
- No!Copy !req
833. You have to answer it.
Anything he wants.Copy !req
834. - Hey, I got you a kale salad.
- You got me a what?Copy !req
835. Kale salad.Copy !req
836. I'm kidding.Copy !req
837. I got you a triple monster burger.Copy !req
838. Yes, please.Copy !req
839. Hey, should you be
painting like this?Copy !req
840. Because I can do this.Copy !req
841. I can do the painting.
I'm happy to do it.Copy !req
842. Thank you for being here.Copy !req
843. I'm glad I'm here.Copy !req
844. - But I'm excited to do the painting.
- Yeah?Copy !req
845. From now on,
let me do the painting.Copy !req
846. - All right.
- Okay.Copy !req
847. I got you some French fries.Copy !req
848. - You got French fries, too?
- Yes.Copy !req
849. And there might be
something else in there.Copy !req
850. Really?Copy !req
851. A little treat?Copy !req
852. You got me two burgers!Copy !req
853. So, I'm trying to cancel
tomorrow night with EmmaCopy !req
854. and I think I can get off a bit early,
so we can do whatever.Copy !req
855. Whatever you want. Tomorrow
night will be Viggo's choice.Copy !req
856. All right, I'm off.Copy !req
857. Good game, David.Copy !req
858. Everything okay?Copy !req
859. Yeah.Copy !req
860. You want to play?Copy !req
861. Yeah!Copy !req
862. All right. Come on,
get your stuff. Let's go.Copy !req
863. We gotta hurry.
Careful, careful, careful.Copy !req
864. Do you have any
sweatpants, or anything?Copy !req
865. No.Copy !req
866. You don't want to wear that stuff.
It's not a nightclub, Viggo.Copy !req
867. Do you have any shorts for me?Copy !req
868. I don't think my shorts
are gonna fit you.Copy !req
869. Like this.Copy !req
870. What?Copy !req
871. Up there.Copy !req
872. Dribble, dribble, dribble.Copy !req
873. Oh' my...Copy !req
874. You just gotta dribble.
You gotta dribble.Copy !req
875. So, you just... You just dribble.Copy !req
876. Dribble, dribble! You gotta dribble!
You gotta...Copy !req
877. Why doesn't he dribble?Copy !req
878. David, you absolutely have
to be there next Saturday.Copy !req
879. Everybody's gonna be there.Copy !req
880. Actually, I have plans
next Saturday with Emma.Copy !req
881. But you were the one who came
up with this whole conceptCopy !req
882. of brothers and sisters
finding one another.Copy !req
883. Yeah, I understand, but I
already have plans with Emma.Copy !req
884. Anyway, I spend a heck
of a lot of time with you.Copy !req
885. You know, I also
have a real family.Copy !req
886. Family.Copy !req
887. You said "real family."Copy !req
888. - No.
- You... You...Copy !req
889. Just because you
decided to turn the pageCopy !req
890. on that period of your life
doesn't mean we don't exist.Copy !req
891. We exist. We exist for real.
We're also your real family.Copy !req
892. Viggo.Copy !req
893. Viggo!Copy !req
894. All I'm saying is,
I hope that you're happy.Copy !req
895. I hope you realize that I had
to lie to Emma to be here.Copy !req
896. That I lied to the woman
carrying my child.Copy !req
897. Your "real" child.Copy !req
898. Viggo, we have talked
about the incident a lot.Copy !req
899. I don't think we need to continue to
dwell on our little misunderstanding.Copy !req
900. I am here.
Do you see that I'm here?Copy !req
901. Do you see that I am here?Copy !req
902. - With your fake kids.
- Fake?Copy !req
903. Fake? Viggo, what the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
904. I mean, if we're not real,
what are we?Copy !req
905. - Nietzsche said...
- Screw Nietzsch-ka!Copy !req
906. Screw Kindergarten!Copy !req
907. "Kierkegaard?Copy !req
908. I think it's this way.Copy !req
909. Screw Nietzsche! Screw Kierkegaard!Copy !req
910. And screw... The...Copy !req
911. You can't even come up with one more.
That's it, you're done at two.Copy !req
912. Look, screw all of those dudes.
None of those guys had 533 real kids.Copy !req
913. Did you bring me here to expose me?Copy !req
914. No.Copy !req
915. I want to keep you all to myself.Copy !req
916. I know it's coming
I can feel it in my bonesCopy !req
917. All right!Copy !req
918. This is information
you already knowCopy !req
919. Even if it's only temporarilyCopy !req
920. Give the illusion tonight
You belong to meCopy !req
921. Oh, the thingsCopy !req
922. I will believeCopy !req
923. Ignore the hundred loversCopy !req
924. You got hidden up your sleeveCopy !req
925. The words come easilyCopy !req
926. And they sound so lovelyCopy !req
927. You all right?Copy !req
928. I guess it's just as
easy if you lie to meCopy !req
929. - Put these next to the grill, here.
- Next to the grill.Copy !req
930. Special recipe.Copy !req
931. It's a secret family recipe,
but you'll like this.Copy !req
932. Wow!Copy !req
933. Do you see what happens
when the tofu hits the grill?Copy !req
934. Nothing.Copy !req
935. Exactly what happens when
the tofu hits our taste buds.Copy !req
936. I am alone
I am in love with an ideaCopy !req
937. Sophisticated neurological appealsCopy !req
938. I want to negotiate
some kind of a dealCopy !req
939. I want to tear it open
Show you that it's realCopy !req
940. Oh, the thingsCopy !req
941. I will believeCopy !req
942. Ignore the hundred loversCopy !req
943. You got hidden up your sleeveCopy !req
944. Okay. Get in nice and tight.Copy !req
945. All right, we got one more.
Get in close.Copy !req
946. - All right.
- Can I get in?Copy !req
947. All right.Copy !req
948. Okay, everybody, just scooch in.
Get as close as you can.Copy !req
949. Okay, on the left.
Can you move in just a little?Copy !req
950. All right. Say, "Cheese."Copy !req
951. Cheese!Copy !req
952. And I'm real, real goneCopy !req
953. Got me down to the very marrowCopy !req
954. Don't you know I need your helpCopy !req
955. You're a friend of mineCopy !req
956. And I'm real, real goneCopy !req
957. Hey. This is Ryan.Copy !req
958. - Hey, Ryan.
- What's up, Ryan?Copy !req
959. - Hey, Ryan.
- Hi.Copy !req
960. That was the best, right?Copy !req
961. I had a great time.Copy !req
962. So, uh... I guess this is it.Copy !req
963. Have a great day.Copy !req
964. Ryan?Copy !req
965. Could I just have a...
Just... Thanks.Copy !req
966. I...Copy !req
967. I just wanted to...
I wanted to tell you...Copy !req
968. I'm your father.Copy !req
969. Okay.Copy !req
970. So...Copy !req
971. You'll keep seeing more of me.Copy !req
972. That was a fun weekend. Okay.Copy !req
973. You seem way too relaxed.Copy !req
974. This is a great moment for me.Copy !req
975. It's a new stage in
our relationship.Copy !req
976. No.Copy !req
977. - No?
- No.Copy !req
978. It's really important that you
know there is no truth in anythingCopy !req
979. they are going to
say about me. None.Copy !req
980. You must understand,
they love to humiliate me.Copy !req
981. They're monsters. Really.Copy !req
982. - They are monsters.
- Okay.Copy !req
983. I want to propose a toast to Emma.Copy !req
984. Because I think it's important
that you know that this...Copy !req
985. - Rite of passage.
- Rite of passage.Copy !req
986. Well, it's not just about
humiliating David.Copy !req
987. Although, it is one
of the objectives.Copy !req
988. And if we have exposed David's
past to the harsh light of day...Copy !req
989. Well, I think it's important, because you
gotta know what you're getting into.Copy !req
990. And now that you know all this...Copy !req
991. I have some more pictures.Copy !req
992. Not Sniper.Copy !req
993. Sniper?Copy !req
994. It was his rock band.
They wore a lot of makeup.Copy !req
995. It was the '80s.
Everybody wore makeup.Copy !req
996. I didn't wear makeup in the '80s.Copy !req
997. But look,
now that all this is known...Copy !req
998. I think it's also very
important for you to knowCopy !req
999. that the Wozniaks have
had some wonderful timesCopy !req
1000. - and some hard times.
- No.Copy !req
1001. Dad?Copy !req
1002. When my wife and I were newlyweds,Copy !req
1003. we always dreamed of having
a honeymoon in Italy.Copy !req
1004. But we didn't have much money.Copy !req
1005. Then we had children.Copy !req
1006. We told ourselves, someday,
when we're old.Copy !req
1007. But time passed.Copy !req
1008. You have to make the
most of the present.Copy !req
1009. Do you all make the
most of the present?Copy !req
1010. Yes.Copy !req
1011. Yes, Dad. We make the
most of the present.Copy !req
1012. When my wife fell ill,Copy !req
1013. David came over one day with
plane tickets to Venice.Copy !req
1014. He had seen to everything.Copy !req
1015. The hotel near Doge's Palace,
the gondolas.Copy !req
1016. Then later, our three sons
flew over and joined us.Copy !req
1017. We had a big family dinner
near St. Mark's Square.Copy !req
1018. David paid for everything.Copy !req
1019. David...Copy !req
1020. He does things like that.Copy !req
1021. If you are able to live
with his countless faults,Copy !req
1022. you will also live through
some marvelous times.Copy !req
1023. Let us pray.Copy !req
1024. - No.
- Come on. Dad, please.Copy !req
1025. - Let's drink.
- Yes.Copy !req
1026. Your father is adorable.Copy !req
1027. Yeah.Copy !req
1028. I can't believe you brought
your whole family to Venice.Copy !req
1029. How did you pay for that?Copy !req
1030. I had money.Copy !req
1031. When you were 20?Copy !req
1032. - Yeah.
- Wow.Copy !req
1033. What kind of job did you have that
would pay for a trip to Venice?Copy !req
1034. It was a manual-labor type job.Copy !req
1035. That was an awesome meal.Copy !req
1036. Almost.Copy !req
1037. All right, let's bring it.
Open the flood gates, here-.Copy !req
1038. Have fun. Okay, have a
good day at school, guys.Copy !req
1039. Have a good time.Copy !req
1040. It's okay to like recess. How are you?
Look at these angels.Copy !req
1041. My man, how you feeling?
Have fun, buddy.Copy !req
1042. Coffee? Toast? Eggs?Copy !req
1043. - No.
- How was your weekend?Copy !req
1044. - Relaxing.
- Good.Copy !req
1045. Very relaxed.Copy !req
1046. Dinner with the family.Copy !req
1047. And I read.Copy !req
1048. Lord of the Rings.Copy !req
1049. That you lie to your girlfriend,
that's par for the course.Copy !req
1050. Untruthfulness is the basis of
a good, strong relationship.Copy !req
1051. But I'm not your girlfriend, David.Copy !req
1052. So, before you tell me
that you spent the weekendCopy !req
1053. with Frodo and Gandalf
and Bilbo Baggins,Copy !req
1054. why don't you go ahead
and take a look at this?Copy !req
1055. Well, as you can attest,Copy !req
1056. the reporter won't be winning any
prizes for his journalistic skills.Copy !req
1057. But apparently, his story
was picked up by CNNCopy !req
1058. and Fox, and even the BBC.Copy !req
1059. Which means, when you
go to bed tonight,Copy !req
1060. four or five billion people will be
asking, "Who the fuck is Starbuck?"Copy !req
1061. Now tell me, is this
good news for us?Copy !req
1062. Does this augur well for our trial?Copy !req
1063. Is this the type of situation
over which we can regain control?Copy !req
1064. The answer is yes.Copy !req
1065. Now, we go on the offensive.Copy !req
1066. A countersuit. We, too,
are going to sue the clinic.Copy !req
1067. What for?Copy !req
1068. Substantial punitive damages.Copy !req
1069. It's the clinic's duty not to do
anything to jeopardize your anonymity.Copy !req
1070. By overusing your donations,
they have given rise to a substantial,Copy !req
1071. well-funded challenge
to your anonymityCopy !req
1072. which has now generated
extensive media coverage.Copy !req
1073. I mean, you should hear the stuff that
people are saying about Starbuck.Copy !req
1074. What are they saying
about Starbuck?Copy !req
1075. Terrible things. But it's good.Copy !req
1076. It's fine,
because our countersuit...Copy !req
1077. David, your debt
problems will go away.Copy !req
1078. We're going after big, big money.Copy !req
1079. It is all over Twitter,
it is all over the net.Copy !req
1080. No way is this guy coming
out of the closet.Copy !req
1081. No way!Copy !req
1082. At work, every meeting you go into,Copy !req
1083. no matter what you say,Copy !req
1084. everyone will always be thinking,
"Hey, it's El Masturbator."Copy !req
1085. Five hundred and thirty-three kids!Copy !req
1086. He's donated 693 times!Copy !req
1087. Boy, this guy was making money
hand over fist. I can't believe it.Copy !req
1088. Anyway, listen. He went
by the code name "Starbuck."Copy !req
1089. "Starbuck"?Copy !req
1090. I think "Chock full o'Nuts"
would have been more like it.Copy !req
1091. "Chock full o'Nuts"
would have been better.Copy !req
1092. You should read some
of these tweets.Copy !req
1093. The last kid was an accident.Copy !req
1094. I guess he was watching
a rerun of Baywatch,Copy !req
1095. and it just happened.Copy !req
1096. I had no idea this could
actually be a job.Copy !req
1097. I mean, I knew it could be a hobby.Copy !req
1098. What do you think about
all this "Starbuck" business?Copy !req
1099. Oh, it's horrible.Copy !req
1100. What's horrible?Copy !req
1101. It's horrible. You don't think
it's absolutely horrible?Copy !req
1102. - I don't know.
- What was he thinking?Copy !req
1103. Well, he obviously wasn't thinking
that they would use his sperm so much.Copy !req
1104. And he obviously wasn't thinkingCopy !req
1105. that they would choose
his profile so often.Copy !req
1106. May I help you?Copy !req
1107. Yeah, do you have a
stroller for 533 children?Copy !req
1108. - No.
- No. No.Copy !req
1109. He doesn't.Copy !req
1110. Because it's not normal
to have 533 children.Copy !req
1111. It's not normal.Copy !req
1112. Viggo, where the
hell are you going?Copy !req
1113. - I don't know.
- It goes in the back.Copy !req
1114. - In the back.
- Okay.Copy !req
1115. Hey, David.Copy !req
1116. Your brothers are in the office.
They want to see you.Copy !req
1117. They wanted 100 grand! 100 grand?Copy !req
1118. I mean, Pop didn't have it.
So they tried to drown him!Copy !req
1119. What were you thinking?Copy !req
1120. Tell me, David,
what were you thinking?Copy !req
1121. Get the cash, David.
Get the cash!Copy !req
1122. Unbelievable!Copy !req
1123. - Dad, listen.
- Go away, David.Copy !req
1124. Go away.Copy !req
1125. Let's...Copy !req
1126. Let's do the countersuit.Copy !req
1127. Excellent. Excellent.Copy !req
1128. - Come on in.
- All right.Copy !req
1129. What would happen if we no longerCopy !req
1130. respected these types
of agreements?Copy !req
1131. Nothing less than an
unlimited quantity of chaos.Copy !req
1132. Custody battles.Copy !req
1133. Possible intrusions
upon happy families.Copy !req
1134. And this, on either party's side.Copy !req
1135. Mothers showing up on
donors' doorsteps.Copy !req
1136. And donors suddenly
wanting visitation rights,Copy !req
1137. wanting to partake
in important decisionsCopy !req
1138. about religion, about schooling.Copy !req
1139. None of the parties were coerced
into signing this agreement.Copy !req
1140. And nowhere have I seen
an expiration date.Copy !req
1141. What'd you guys think?Copy !req
1142. Why don't I understand
when you are talking?Copy !req
1143. Well, you see...Copy !req
1144. This is a complex situation.Copy !req
1145. I would vote for the other guy.Copy !req
1146. Well... No. The other guy is wrong.Copy !req
1147. Grandma's right. I think
you're gonna lose again.Copy !req
1148. Did she say that?Copy !req
1149. Okay. Well, all right.
Thanks, kids.Copy !req
1150. You can all go to bed.Copy !req
1151. Is that going to be
your argument in court?Copy !req
1152. That won't work in court.
You can't send the real judge to bed.Copy !req
1153. Yes, I can. Daddy can
send anyone to bed.Copy !req
1154. And right now,
you're all going to bed.Copy !req
1155. Now, go.Copy !req
1156. These are children who are lost.
They are lost in the wilderness.Copy !req
1157. And they want to know
who their father is.Copy !req
1158. I mean, is that too much to ask?Copy !req
1159. And what would...Copy !req
1160. What would happen if we no longer
accepted these types of agreements?Copy !req
1161. Nothing more than an
unlimited quantity of chaos.Copy !req
1162. Um...Copy !req
1163. The mic...Copy !req
1164. Oh, that's better. Is that okay?Copy !req
1165. Here we are, outside of
the New York courtroom...Copy !req
1166. I feel like this is
an easy case to win.Copy !req
1167. What I'm saying is,Copy !req
1168. which fundamental right should
take more importance here?Copy !req
1169. I've been a musician
pretty much my whole life.Copy !req
1170. And when I write music,
I write it because...Copy !req
1171. I think, when I say this,
I speak for everyone.Copy !req
1172. I know, how for me...Copy !req
1173. I wasn't actually able
to grow up with a dad.Copy !req
1174. I would like to meet the guy,
the man, who created me.Copy !req
1175. And there's a lot of transitions
in my life that I've come across.Copy !req
1176. It's central to who I am.
It's really all I've thought about.Copy !req
1177. I just want to feel like
I have a part of myself.Copy !req
1178. The last ultrasound that
is on Friday at 2:00,Copy !req
1179. do you think that you
can make it there?Copy !req
1180. There is no contract, okay?
They've broken the contract!Copy !req
1181. They break with the contract!Copy !req
1182. The man signed an anonymity
agreement for 693 donations!Copy !req
1183. He has a right to punitive damages,Copy !req
1184. because you should hear what
people are saying about him now.Copy !req
1185. - You have got to be prepared!
- I am prepared!Copy !req
1186. Well, then why don't you do it?Copy !req
1187. You're my friend, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1188. - I'm just so pissed off.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1189. So we hope that it
has been made clearCopy !req
1190. that the intentional blocking
of this vital informationCopy !req
1191. has had, and will continue to have
a negative psychological impactCopy !req
1192. on each and every single
one of Starbucks children.Copy !req
1193. In finishing,Copy !req
1194. while the donor may have bargained
for confidentiality with the clinic,Copy !req
1195. and the parents may have
accepted that confidentialityCopy !req
1196. as a condition to receiving
the sperm donation...Copy !req
1197. The children didn't
agree to anything.Copy !req
1198. Yet, they are the ones, they are
the ones most directly affected.Copy !req
1199. This makes no sense.Copy !req
1200. Thank you.Copy !req
1201. These are some great kids.Copy !req
1202. Without the anonymity clause,Copy !req
1203. none of them would be here.Copy !req
1204. And not to have these
beautiful kids,Copy !req
1205. that would be a great loss.Copy !req
1206. We need the anonymity clause.Copy !req
1207. The court will now take the
matter under advisement.Copy !req
1208. How long could it take?Copy !req
1209. I don't know, David. I do not know!Copy !req
1210. What don't you know?Copy !req
1211. I know absolutely nothing!
My mother was right.Copy !req
1212. I'm useless and I'm
out of my league.Copy !req
1213. You should have got
a real lawyer, David.Copy !req
1214. All rise!Copy !req
1215. You may be seated.Copy !req
1216. In the adjudicated action,Copy !req
1217. the parties will receive
a detailed document,Copy !req
1218. in which you will read
that Starbuck is entirely,Copy !req
1219. and without reservation,
entitled to remainCopy !req
1220. anonymous.Copy !req
1221. He will also be entitled to
$200,000 in punitive damagesCopy !req
1222. from the Graboski-Levitt Clinic.Copy !req
1223. You are adjourned.Copy !req
1224. Starbuck, therefore, will be entitled
to remain completely anonymous.Copy !req
1225. He also will receive
$200,000 in damages.Copy !req
1226. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1227. Brett, what's your
reaction to the verdict?Copy !req
1228. Obviously, I feel great
compassion for the children.Copy !req
1229. But I am very, very happy.Copy !req
1230. I am very proud to have vindicated
my client and his rights.Copy !req
1231. And I want to say thank you to
my own children and to my mother.Copy !req
1232. Mom, I won.Copy !req
1233. I won.Copy !req
1234. And I just want to say,
David, we did it!Copy !req
1235. No!Copy !req
1236. We did it, David!Copy !req
1237. - No.
- Who's David?Copy !req
1238. He's my loverCopy !req
1239. who has always been there for me.Copy !req
1240. And, David, my darling...Copy !req
1241. I love you, David.
I love you, David.Copy !req
1242. Obviously, a very emotional
trial for everyone here.Copy !req
1243. Did you expect this verdict?Copy !req
1244. We're disappointed.Copy !req
1245. Our case was dismissed, and we've now
exhausted every possible legal recourse.Copy !req
1246. But we haven't lost everything.Copy !req
1247. While we were told today there's no law
requiring Starbuck to identify himself,Copy !req
1248. there's more to this than
just legal obligation.Copy !req
1249. There's us, and there's him.Copy !req
1250. And beyond any law,
there are human beings.Copy !req
1251. So, ultimately, the final
decision is Starbucks.Copy !req
1252. He's under no legal obligation
to identify himself.Copy !req
1253. But now that he's seen all of us,Copy !req
1254. he may well decide to do so.Copy !req
1255. That decision is his.Copy !req
1256. There has been a lot of unfavorable
comments about StarbuckCopy !req
1257. in all of this media coverage.Copy !req
1258. We would really just
like our father to knowCopy !req
1259. that in our eyes,Copy !req
1260. he's not a criminal or a freak.Copy !req
1261. To us, he's someoneCopy !req
1262. who gave life and happiness
where it was badly needed.Copy !req
1263. Congratulations, darling.Copy !req
1264. I had it.Copy !req
1265. I had pitched the perfect game and
I had to screw the whole thing up.Copy !req
1266. My mother saw the
whole thing on TV.Copy !req
1267. Well, she must have been surprised
to find out that you had a male lover.Copy !req
1268. No. She said she
always suspected it.Copy !req
1269. She told me we make
a lovely couple.Copy !req
1270. And your kids?Copy !req
1271. - They think it's cool.
- Mmm.Copy !req
1272. I'm just wondering...Copy !req
1273. And really just
theoretically, but...Copy !req
1274. If I decided to identify myself,Copy !req
1275. would I lose all the money
from the countersuit?Copy !req
1276. Yeah, I think you would.Copy !req
1277. Emma always says that, uh...Copy !req
1278. That I don't have a life.Copy !req
1279. So, um, I officially set outCopy !req
1280. to try and do the right thing.Copy !req
1281. It's harder than I thought.Copy !req
1282. Pop.Copy !req
1283. Pop, I'm Starbuck.Copy !req
1284. You are El Masturbator?Copy !req
1285. Yeah.Copy !req
1286. Now, for once in my life, I'd
like to make the right decision.Copy !req
1287. Once.Copy !req
1288. For once in my life, I would
like to be a normal person.Copy !req
1289. How would a normal person
handle a situation like this?Copy !req
1290. A normal person would
not be in this situation.Copy !req
1291. Let's just say that a normal person
had a slight lapse of judgmentCopy !req
1292. and donated sperm 693 times.Copy !req
1293. What would they do?
What would my brothers do?Copy !req
1294. Your brothers are not
mentally equippedCopy !req
1295. to deal with a situation like this.Copy !req
1296. When you get right down to it,Copy !req
1297. you're probably one of the
few people on this earthCopy !req
1298. able to deal with such a situation.Copy !req
1299. Why not just tell them?Copy !req
1300. As you know,
I have some money problems.Copy !req
1301. Yeah, your debts.Copy !req
1302. You know I grew up in
terrible, terrible poverty.Copy !req
1303. Yes, I know, Pop.Copy !req
1304. I know.Copy !req
1305. When I left Warsaw to go to the
States, my father gave me $10.Copy !req
1306. That was everything he had.Copy !req
1307. I couldn't turn down his help,Copy !req
1308. sol promised him I'd pay him back
1,000 times over, once I got rich.Copy !req
1309. My father diedCopy !req
1310. when your mother and I
still didn't have a cent.Copy !req
1311. I...Copy !req
1312. I always wondered what
was harder for him.Copy !req
1313. Not being able to give
his children enough,Copy !req
1314. or not being with them
when they hit hard times.Copy !req
1315. My great good fortune in life
is to see you boys every day.Copy !req
1316. That, for me, is success.Copy !req
1317. So, like my father,
I want to help you.Copy !req
1318. Here is $10.Copy !req
1319. It brought me good luck.Copy !req
1320. With $10, I built my empire.Copy !req
1321. So, take the $10.Copy !req
1322. And also take...Copy !req
1323. It's your share of the meat store.Copy !req
1324. It's your inheritance, in small bills,
to pay off your debts.Copy !req
1325. I'm scared I'll disappoint them.Copy !req
1326. Why would they be disappointed?Copy !req
1327. I'm a meat truck driver.Copy !req
1328. I'm an incompetent
meat truck driver.Copy !req
1329. True, you are incompetent.Copy !req
1330. It takes you four times longer to
deliver meat than anyone else.Copy !req
1331. But wherever you go,
people love you.Copy !req
1332. They're going to love you.Copy !req
1333. Everyone loves you.Copy !req
1334. Thanks, Pop.Copy !req
1335. We'll be right with you, sir.Copy !req
1336. Emma!Copy !req
1337. Emma!Copy !req
1338. Mr. Wozniak?Copy !req
1339. You gave us a little scare, there.Copy !req
1340. Yeah.Copy !req
1341. Hi.Copy !req
1342. Mr. Wozniak?Copy !req
1343. Yeah.Copy !req
1344. Your family is here to see you.Copy !req
1345. Is he healthy?Copy !req
1346. Yes.Copy !req
1347. Does that mean he
can work tomorrow?Copy !req
1348. This is weird.Copy !req
1349. Hey.Copy !req
1350. I lied to you.Copy !req
1351. I am your biological father.Copy !req
1352. And you have a little brother.Copy !req
1353. He was in a bit of a hurry. But...Copy !req
1354. He's doing very, very, very well.Copy !req
1355. Can we see him?Copy !req
1356. I'll find out.Copy !req
1357. Hey.Copy !req
1358. He's so small.Copy !req
1359. Emma.Copy !req
1360. Will you marry me?Copy !req
1361. Wouldn't you want to wait and
see if I get my figure back?Copy !req
1362. If you stay flabby, I promise
I'll get flabby as well.Copy !req
1363. I wonder if that's the first
time the word "flabby"Copy !req
1364. has been used in a
marriage proposal.Copy !req
1365. Emma...Copy !req
1366. I'm Starbuck.Copy !req
1367. Why are you always scamming?Copy !req
1368. God, how could you think
that a marriage proposalCopy !req
1369. would excuse the fact that you're
the father of 533 children?Copy !req
1370. David! God!Copy !req
1371. How...Copy !req
1372. This is no longer your child.Copy !req
1373. I want to be very
clear on two points.Copy !req
1374. The first point.Copy !req
1375. I said I was gonna change
as quickly as possible,Copy !req
1376. and I am doing that.Copy !req
1377. I've had a chance to do a
lot of thinking. A lot!Copy !req
1378. And I've come to the conclusion
that it's not anyone but meCopy !req
1379. who can decide if I
am the father or not.Copy !req
1380. Not a judge, not my
family, not Dr. Phil,Copy !req
1381. and in the end, not you.Copy !req
1382. In other words, nobody but the father
can decide if he is the father or not.Copy !req
1383. And I, David Wozniak,
am the father of this child.Copy !req
1384. The other reality that can't be changed
is the fact that I am Starbuck.Copy !req
1385. Now, this, obviously,
can be somewhat frighteningCopy !req
1386. since it's something totally new,
and no one on this planetCopy !req
1387. has ever experienced
it before. It's...Copy !req
1388. It is like the first
steps on the moon.Copy !req
1389. But despite a few drawbacks,Copy !req
1390. I think that we can actually
take away from thisCopy !req
1391. a tremendous amount of joy.Copy !req
1392. Not to mention, vast amounts
of free babysitting.Copy !req
1393. I don't know how this
is gonna work out.Copy !req
1394. Right now, me coming out
and revealing who I am,Copy !req
1395. I'm risking everything.Copy !req
1396. I'm risking all for the
well-being of my 533 kids.Copy !req
1397. And I would think that
you seeing me risk allCopy !req
1398. should convince you
that whatever happens,Copy !req
1399. that no matter what turmoil this kid
right here gets into, I will be there.Copy !req
1400. Now, you asked me to have a life.Copy !req
1401. Well, here it is. This is my life.Copy !req
1402. It may be a bit strange.Copy !req
1403. And a bit oversized.Copy !req
1404. But it's my life.Copy !req
1405. The second point.Copy !req
1406. That was a very long first point.Copy !req
1407. The first point was long.
The second point...Copy !req
1408. The marriage proposal
was not a scam.Copy !req
1409. The second point was much shorter.Copy !req
1410. I need you in my life.Copy !req
1411. Promise me, one day
you'll take me to Venice.Copy !req
1412. Okay.Copy !req
1413. The world is yoursCopy !req
1414. Hold it closeCopy !req
1415. With open armsCopy !req
1416. Little feetCopy !req
1417. We've miles aheadCopy !req
1418. Take it slowCopy !req
1419. See it allCopy !req
1420. Wow.Copy !req
1421. Take it inCopy !req
1422. I see me in youCopy !req
1423. You in meCopy !req
1424. I see me in youCopy !req
1425. You in meCopy !req
1426. I see it in your eyesCopy !req
1427. I see it in your eyesCopy !req
1428. Little heartCopy !req
1429. Dance it outCopy !req
1430. The ins and outs
won't bring you downCopy !req
1431. Okay. Have fun.Copy !req
1432. Little dreamCopy !req
1433. Grow up tallCopy !req
1434. With a little rain, a little sunCopy !req
1435. You'll feel lovedCopy !req
1436. Many thanks, from your
entire real family.Copy !req
1437. I see it in your eyesCopy !req
1438. Little handsCopy !req
1439. Hold it close with open armsCopy !req
1440. Little handsCopy !req
1441. The light of loveCopy !req
1442. Oh, light of loveCopy !req
1443. Won't you shine on meCopy !req
1444. Won't you shine on meCopy !req
1445. Light of loveCopy !req
1446. Oh, won't you burnCopy !req
1447. Won't you burn it for meCopy !req
1448. Won't you burn it for meCopy !req
1449. The light of loveCopy !req
1450. The light of loveCopy !req
1451. It won't shineCopy !req
1452. It won't shine for meCopy !req
1453. The light of loveCopy !req
1454. Oh, light of loveCopy !req
1455. Won't you let it shineCopy !req
1456. Won't you let it shineCopy !req
1457. The light of loveCopy !req
1458. Oh, the fire of loveCopy !req
1459. Won't you let it burnCopy !req
1460. Won't you let it burnCopy !req
1461. The light of loveCopy !req
1462. The light of loveCopy !req
1463. It won't shineCopy !req
1464. It won't shine for meCopy !req
1465. The light of loveCopy !req
1466. Oh, the fire of loveCopy !req
1467. Won't you let it burnCopy !req
1468. Won't you let it burnCopy !req
1469. The light of loveCopy !req
1470. Oh, light of loveCopy !req
1471. Won't you shine for meCopy !req
1472. Won't you shine for meCopy !req
1473. The light of loveCopy !req
1474. The light of loveCopy !req
1475. It won't shineCopy !req
1476. It won't shine for me, noCopy !req
1477. The light of loveCopy !req
1478. The light of loveCopy !req
1479. The light of loveCopy !req
1480. The light of loveCopy !req