1. That logo music just gets you pumped.
Right?Copy !req
2. I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited
to be here. It's been a while.Copy !req
3. You know, for a long time,
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.Copy !req
4. Disney bought Fox...Copy !req
5. there was a whole boring rights issue,
blabbity-blabbity-blah.Copy !req
6. But then, it turned out, they wanted me.Copy !req
7. The one guy
who shouldn't even have his own movie...Copy !req
8. much less a franchise.Copy !req
9. Marvel's so stupid.Copy !req
10. Look, we know the title of this thing. So...Copy !req
11. I know what you're wondering.Copy !req
12. How are we gonna do this
without dishonoring Logan's memory?Copy !req
13. And I'll tell you how.Copy !req
14. We're not.Copy !req
15. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.Copy !req
16. Wolverine is not dead.Copy !req
17. Sure, it made for a perfect ending
to a very sad story.Copy !req
18. But that's not how
regenerative healing factors work.Copy !req
19. You think I wanna be out here
in beautiful downtown North Dakota...Copy !req
20. digging up the one and only Wolverine?
No, thank you.Copy !req
21. But the fate of my entire world is at stake.Copy !req
22. He may not be living his best life,
but he sure as hell ain't dead.Copy !req
23. Bingo.Copy !req
24. Yahtzee.Copy !req
25. Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
26. Damn it!Copy !req
27. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
28. You...Copy !req
29. Christ. Motherfucker!Copy !req
30. My world is fuck...Copy !req
31. That was weird.Copy !req
32. I'm much calmer now.Copy !req
33. Look, I'm not a man of science.Copy !req
34. But you seem incredibly passed away.Copy !req
35. But it's good to see ya.Copy !req
36. I gotta be honest,
I've always wanted to ride with you, Log.Copy !req
37. You and me getting into it.
Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up.Copy !req
38. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos...Copy !req
39. the residuals?Copy !req
40. "G'day, mate.Copy !req
41. "There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster...Copy !req
42. "than a big bag of Marvel cash."Copy !req
43. Me too, Hugh.Copy !req
44. But, no. No, no, no.Copy !req
45. You had to get all noble and die for real.
Goddamn it!Copy !req
46. I could really use your help right now.Copy !req
47. Wait!Copy !req
48. I'm warning you, I'm not alone.Copy !req
49. Wade Winston Wilson...Copy !req
50. you are under arrest
by the Time Variance Authority...Copy !req
51. for too many crimes to list.Copy !req
52. Come out...Copy !req
53. and we'll extend you the courtesy...Copy !req
54. - of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.Copy !req
55. Last chance.Copy !req
56. Throw out your weapons
and come out peacefully.Copy !req
57. I'm not gonna give you my weapons...Copy !req
58. but I promise not to use them.Copy !req
59. There are two hundred and six bones
in the human body.Copy !req
60. Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.Copy !req
61. Here we go. Maximum effort.Copy !req
62. Okay, peanut.
Guess we're getting that team up after all.Copy !req
63. Maradona from outside the box!Copy !req
64. Goal!Copy !req
65. Come on, big fella.Copy !req
66. I am soaking wet right now.Copy !req
67. To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this.Copy !req
68. The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia. It isn't who I am.Copy !req
69. It isn't who I wanna be.Copy !req
70. Who I wanna be?Copy !req
71. Well, to help you understand that...Copy !req
72. I've gotta take you back.Copy !req
73. A little joyride I took
through space and time...Copy !req
74. to the day that changed everything.Copy !req
75. I can't believe I'm finally here.Copy !req
76. I've waited for this moment for so long.Copy !req
77. Thank you, sir, for seeing me.Copy !req
78. I firmly believe...Copy !req
79. that my services could be of...Copy !req
80. great use to your organization.
Now I know...Copy !req
81. I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower...Copy !req
82. - but I can assure you that...
- Smashturbating?Copy !req
83. I'm sorry, what, what was that?Copy !req
84. No, I'm sorry.
That, that's when you get those toy...Copy !req
85. Hulk hands, right? And then you just,
you look down, and you just...Copy !req
86. you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.Copy !req
87. - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.Copy !req
88. - The picture's painted.
- You get the gist.Copy !req
89. What exactly brings you here today?Copy !req
90. Why am I... Wow. Okay.Copy !req
91. I care.Copy !req
92. I know I turn everything into a joke,
but I...Copy !req
93. I care, and I, I wanna use that feeling...Copy !req
94. for something important.Copy !req
95. I, I wanna matter.Copy !req
96. I need to show my girl that I matter.Copy !req
97. And...Copy !req
98. you know,
I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here.Copy !req
99. - Is the man not gonna be joining us?
- The man?Copy !req
100. Yeah. I should save this if he's gonna...Copy !req
101. As, as far as you're concerned right now,
I'm the man.Copy !req
102. - No.
- The man is me.Copy !req
103. I am the man in this circumstance.Copy !req
104. He doesn't do this kind of thing anymore.Copy !req
105. - Cameos?
- Meetings.Copy !req
106. - Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.Copy !req
107. Entry-level?Copy !req
108. Aren't you the chauffeur...Copy !req
109. - maybe?
- I... Common misconception.Copy !req
110. - Okay.
- I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver.Copy !req
111. - Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...Copy !req
112. - Chauffeur.
- ... the Head of Security.Copy !req
113. The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
114. And why I am vetting your résumé.Copy !req
115. You seem to have left out
whether or not you had...Copy !req
116. any experience as a member of a team.Copy !req
117. Could you maybe
add a little bit of perspective there?Copy !req
118. No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces...Copy !req
119. - Okay.
- but I was... Mainly, I was team leader...Copy !req
120. founder, really, of X-Force.Copy !req
121. Sadly, they,
they all perished in action though.Copy !req
122. How exactly did that happen?Copy !req
123. Well, the police say gravity, but if...Copy !req
124. Just between us...Copy !req
125. - they didn't test well in the focus group.
- I see.Copy !req
126. - Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.Copy !req
127. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look,
I can see this isn't going well.Copy !req
128. Please stop writing. Look, I, I...Copy !req
129. I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger.Copy !req
130. I wanna be an Avenger.Copy !req
131. Why do you wanna be an Avenger?Copy !req
132. Look around you. I mean, they're the,
they're the best of the best.Copy !req
133. And, and what they do matters.Copy !req
134. I need to be an Avenger.Copy !req
135. Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick,
and I, if I don't, you know...Copy !req
136. turn things around
and do something with my gifts...Copy !req
137. I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me...Copy !req
138. and I wouldn't blame her.Copy !req
139. Avengers are a very unique group
of superheroes...Copy !req
140. that stand for something...Copy !req
141. more than just fighting and wearing costumes.Copy !req
142. I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.Copy !req
143. - They...
- I'm sorry. "Us?"Copy !req
144. I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.Copy !req
145. - Avengers-adjacent, technically.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
146. What's your superpower?
Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry.Copy !req
147. That was cruel.Copy !req
148. I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.Copy !req
149. - Let's cut to the chase.
- Please.Copy !req
150. You just said moments ago...Copy !req
151. that you wanted to be an Avenger
because you need it.Copy !req
152. Yes, sir, I do.Copy !req
153. But the Avengers don't do the job because
they need it.Copy !req
154. They do the job because people need them.Copy !req
155. Do you see the distinction?Copy !req
156. Yes, sir.Copy !req
157. Please, Mr. Hogan.Copy !req
158. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life
like an annoying one-trick pony.Copy !req
159. All right.Copy !req
160. Oh, my God, you're standing.Copy !req
161. Yeah, now's the time that we stand.Copy !req
162. Damn it.Copy !req
163. Now, the problem might be that you're...Copy !req
164. reaching a little, little too high.Copy !req
165. Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss.Copy !req
166. Right? I think you got a good heart.
I believe what you're saying.Copy !req
167. But not everybody's the world-saving type.
I'm not, and I'm happy.Copy !req
168. Right? I found my place.Copy !req
169. Find your place.Copy !req
170. - All right? Get back out there.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
171. - We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck.
- Okay.Copy !req
172. Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack.Copy !req
173. Rejection makes me hungy.Copy !req
174. - Really? No?
- No, no. Please.Copy !req
175. - Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, thank you.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
176. You know what they say.
When one door closes...Copy !req
177. your locker at work opens.Copy !req
178. Now let's go sell some certified
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu...Copy !req
179. Technically, the,
the Carnival's not a minivan.Copy !req
180. It's an MPV.Copy !req
181. So how does the Kia compare to...Copy !req
182. - the Honda Odyssey?
- The Odyssey?Copy !req
183. That's a great question.
It doesn't fucking suck.Copy !req
184. You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.Copy !req
185. I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't, I don't have kids.Copy !req
186. Not that I haven't dreamt of that...Copy !req
187. but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex.Copy !req
188. You'll get 'em next time, pal.Copy !req
189. And look,
you can always go back to superhero-ing.Copy !req
190. I mean,
I know I'd like to see you back in the suit.Copy !req
191. I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.Copy !req
192. I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.Copy !req
193. Hey, hey, hey. What?
What is that doing in there?Copy !req
194. I'm done.Copy !req
195. I'm done.Copy !req
196. And I'm fine with being done.Copy !req
197. Look, is sales the best match?Copy !req
198. Probably not.Copy !req
199. Is this the life that
I always imagined for myself? Fuck no.Copy !req
200. But this is the right fit for me,
Sugar Bear, it is.Copy !req
201. Okay, Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
202. I'm just saying, once a month,
we could go on a little mission.Copy !req
203. We're human beings. We crave purpose.Copy !req
204. After all, we're Deadpool.Copy !req
205. Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool.
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.Copy !req
206. Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis,
go big.Copy !req
207. A few years ago...Copy !req
208. a friend of mine got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain...Copy !req
209. that goes down
and attaches to his Van Johnson.Copy !req
210. Are, are you feeling grumplestiltskin
'cause it's your birthday?Copy !req
211. What?Copy !req
212. No.Copy !req
213. No.Copy !req
214. Surprise!Copy !req
215. Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed.Copy !req
216. Get in here.Copy !req
217. If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.Copy !req
218. So then, he gets out of the cab,
and you will not believe it.Copy !req
219. - I turn around, and what do I find?
- AirPods.Copy !req
220. - His AirPods. Come on.
- His AirPods!Copy !req
221. Crazy story.Copy !req
222. - Every time. Come on.
- Every single time.Copy !req
223. Make any sales today?Copy !req
224. You know I didn't.Copy !req
225. Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy
or whatever it is that you do?Copy !req
226. Our rent's due in three days, Wade.Copy !req
227. I can't keep carrying you.Copy !req
228. Relax. I have the money.Copy !req
229. I sold some old blood pressure medication
I found lying around.Copy !req
230. You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker?Copy !req
231. I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker.Copy !req
232. I pray every day that...Copy !req
233. fire finds your body...Copy !req
234. and finishes the job...Copy !req
235. - God didn't have the nuts to do.
- That's hurtful.Copy !req
236. If you could hear the look on my face,
you'd smell how sad I am.Copy !req
237. You watched anything good?Copy !req
238. Great British Bake Off.Copy !req
239. Oh, goddamn.Copy !req
240. That show stood between me and suicide
for ten years.Copy !req
241. Those are my feelings
on abortion, religious freedom...Copy !req
242. animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines...Copy !req
243. free-market capitalism,
global climate change.Copy !req
244. Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.Copy !req
245. Hi, Yukio.Copy !req
246. Hi, Wade.Copy !req
247. Nice fake o'clock shadow.Copy !req
248. It's a summer balayage. From the French.Copy !req
249. It's meant to mimic the
natural highlights of the sun.Copy !req
250. - It's a toupée.
- It's a hair system.Copy !req
251. - I love your hair system, Wade.
- Thank you.Copy !req
252. Wanna do some cocaine?Copy !req
253. Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.Copy !req
254. - What about Bolivian marching powder?
- They know all the slang terms.Copy !req
255. They have a list.Copy !req
256. - Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.Copy !req
257. - White girl interrupted?
- Even Forrest Bump.Copy !req
258. - Booger sugar?
- I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts.Copy !req
259. - You wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can't.Copy !req
260. Pull here.Copy !req
261. - Here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
262. - What happened?
- That's the fun part.Copy !req
263. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
264. Yeah.Copy !req
265. How's work?Copy !req
266. Oh, I got a promotion.Copy !req
267. No way.Copy !req
268. Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management,
but I'm happy.Copy !req
269. That's great.Copy !req
270. - You seeing anyone?
- How about you?Copy !req
271. Yeah.Copy !req
272. A guy from work. Dermot.Copy !req
273. Dermot.Copy !req
274. - He's kind.
- Good.Copy !req
275. Likes to go hiking.Copy !req
276. Hasn't gotten me shot yet.Copy !req
277. Well, it's early days.Copy !req
278. What about you? You seeing anyone?Copy !req
279. No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
I share a bed with Blind Al.Copy !req
280. - Okay. All right.
- All right.Copy !req
281. Happy birthday to youCopy !req
282. - Speech! Speech!
- Yes!Copy !req
283. All right. Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
284. Birthdays.Copy !req
285. Boy, every spin around the moon
is a new adventure indeed.Copy !req
286. - Sun, dumb-ass.
- Okay, round-earther.Copy !req
287. - Where was I?
- The adventure of life.Copy !req
288. Right.Copy !req
289. It's been a challenging few years.Copy !req
290. Haven't seen you guys in a while.Copy !req
291. Been through a lot, change of life.Copy !req
292. - Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?Copy !req
293. - Mm-mm.
- Sorry.Copy !req
294. I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio.Copy !req
295. It's okay.Copy !req
296. But I'm happy.Copy !req
297. You know, and that's, that's...Copy !req
298. because of each and every one of you.Copy !req
299. I guess, what I'm trying to say is...Copy !req
300. how proud I am, how grateful I am...Copy !req
301. to be standing in a room...Copy !req
302. with every single person I love.Copy !req
303. I'm the luckiest man alive.Copy !req
304. Make a wish, buddy.Copy !req
305. Ten-four, good buddy.Copy !req
306. Going down.Copy !req
307. Wade Wilson?Copy !req
308. Oh, yeah. Dancers.
Dopinder must have ordered you.Copy !req
309. Are those supposed to be cop costumes?Copy !req
310. Never mind.Copy !req
311. Take your clothes off but leave the helmets.
And this isn't Pretty Woman.Copy !req
312. We're kissing. All right?Copy !req
313. What song do you guys normally dance to?Copy !req
314. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
315. Is that supposed to be scary?Copy !req
316. Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
But it is for Disney.Copy !req
317. Ah, ta, ta, ta!Copy !req
318. Okay, I've never been a natural bottom,
so we're gonna take things real slow.Copy !req
319. And I want some crazy eye contact.Copy !req
320. Not you.
You.Copy !req
321. Can't see your eyes through the mask,
but I can feel them.Copy !req
322. We're gonna move on down the hallway...Copy !req
323. so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole.
How does everyone feel about this plan?Copy !req
324. - I don't like you.
- Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude.Copy !req
325. And we're gonna do it angry.Copy !req
326. Mr. Wilson...Copy !req
327. you appear to have soiled yourself
while unconscious.Copy !req
328. I wasn't unconscious. Who are you?Copy !req
329. I go by the name of Paradox.Copy !req
330. Mr. Paradox.
And you're sitting here at the TVA.Copy !req
331. The Time Variance Authority.Copy !req
332. We're really a watchdog organization...Copy !req
333. except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds with a sort of...Copy !req
334. throwback, ironic twist.Copy !req
335. And we're in charge of defending
what's known as the Sacred Timeline.Copy !req
336. Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition
for a threequel.Copy !req
337. Is this because I used Cable's time machine?Copy !req
338. Brought a couple of people back to life,
then I destroyed it.Copy !req
339. - That was a long time ago.
- Yes...Copy !req
340. we're aware of your abuse of your timeline.Copy !req
341. And you were so abusive of it.Copy !req
342. No, it has nothing to do with that.Copy !req
343. Walk with me.Copy !req
344. I brought you here, Mr. Wilson,
to tell you that you're special.Copy !req
345. In fact,
you've been chosen for a higher purpose...Copy !req
346. a purpose unclear even to me.Copy !req
347. But one that could...Copy !req
348. save the entire Sacred Timeline...Copy !req
349. from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future...Copy !req
350. which may very well need to be... avenged.Copy !req
351. This Sacred Timeline...Copy !req
352. I assume I'm going to marvel...Copy !req
353. at how...Copy !req
354. cinematic it feels?Copy !req
355. Gratuitous cameos...Copy !req
356. indiscriminate use of Variants,
the whole package?Copy !req
357. Well, you tell me.Copy !req
358. Cap!Copy !req
359. You are no longer lost, Wade.Copy !req
360. You can be a hero among heroes.Copy !req
361. We've been surveilling you for quite a while.Copy !req
362. - Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.Copy !req
363. - And what is that?
- Hmm?Copy !req
364. Is that me? Is that Thor?Copy !req
365. Is he crying?Copy !req
366. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.Copy !req
367. That happens in the distant future.Copy !req
368. - Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me.
- Do not speak to her.Copy !req
369. Stop that. Eyes on me.Copy !req
370. I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.Copy !req
371. The opportunity you sought years ago,
but for which you were not ready.Copy !req
372. We believe you're ready now.Copy !req
373. Ready for a chance to leave your timeline...Copy !req
374. and join the greatest universe of all.Copy !req
375. I am about to give you the thing
you've always wanted.Copy !req
376. Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in.Copy !req
377. The power in the Marvel Universe
is about to change forever.Copy !req
378. I am the Messiah...Copy !req
379. I am...Copy !req
380. Marvel Jesus.Copy !req
381. Can you excuse me for just a moment?
I'm just gonna go over here.Copy !req
382. Suck it, Fox!Copy !req
383. I'm going to Disneyland.Copy !req
384. Get fucked!Copy !req
385. - Where do I sign?
- Oh, there's no need for paperwork.Copy !req
386. Good. Not to brag, but I do not read.Copy !req
387. - Oh.
- There is one thing I will need, though.Copy !req
388. Oh, fuck off!Copy !req
389. Adorn me, Beardo.Copy !req
390. Fuckin' A!Copy !req
391. It's perfect! FYI...Copy !req
392. your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.Copy !req
393. No camel toe.
New car smell and adamantium katanas?Copy !req
394. You shouldn't have.Copy !req
395. Go ahead. Take it in.Copy !req
396. And yes, your underwear is getting tighter.Copy !req
397. That guy knows what I'm talking about.Copy !req
398. His clothes says middle management...Copy !req
399. but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.Copy !req
400. Yes. You look very nice.Copy !req
401. "Nice?" Your buddy here is ready to
throw it all away for me.Copy !req
402. - You callin' your wife?
- HR.Copy !req
403. Does your wife work in HR?Copy !req
404. I'm really glad you're taking this so well.Copy !req
405. Oh. I'm taking it well.Copy !req
406. I have never had a problem
traveling for work. That said...Copy !req
407. we should talk vacation days.Copy !req
408. I'm more of a
one-week-on-one-week-off kind of guy.Copy !req
409. I think it's what they do in Denmark.Copy !req
410. You know, you'll never see a
Danish flag on the moon, but...Copy !req
411. goddamn it, they're happy.Copy !req
412. Now, let's power up your little
Amazon Fire phone there...Copy !req
413. and zip me back home so I can let my friends
know that they've been upgraded...Copy !req
414. to disciples.Copy !req
415. Yeah. I don't think you... quite understand.Copy !req
416. You will not be returning to your home
because there will be no home to return to.Copy !req
417. Come again?Copy !req
418. This time in my ears.Copy !req
419. This is your universe, Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
420. That...Copy !req
421. is what happens when a universe
loses their Anchor Being.Copy !req
422. See how it decays from the inside?Copy !req
423. - This is how a reality dies.
- What's an Anchor Being?Copy !req
424. An Anchor Being is an entity of
such vital importance that when they die...Copy !req
425. their whole world
slowly withers out of existence.Copy !req
426. You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.Copy !req
427. It was just a little midlife crisis.
I'm better now.Copy !req
428. Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
429. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.Copy !req
430. Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being?Copy !req
431. - Yeah.
- No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
432. Your Anchor Being died
in an act of self-sacrifice so epic...Copy !req
433. that it sent shivers down the Timeline.Copy !req
434. I am referring, of course, to...Copy !req
435. Logan. The Wolverine.Copy !req
436. Don't be what they made you.Copy !req
437. So this is what it feels like...Copy !req
438. Logan.Copy !req
439. Of course.Copy !req
440. Logan.Copy !req
441. Logan?Copy !req
442. The guy with forks for hands?Copy !req
443. That Wolverine?Copy !req
444. Yeah, I got it. You can turn your retro
graphics of death off now. Make it stop.Copy !req
445. We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson.
We certainly can't stop it.Copy !req
446. How long have we got?Copy !req
447. In most cases, couple thousand years.Copy !req
448. - Well, sweet.
- Well, most cases aren't fast enough.Copy !req
449. Not for me.Copy !req
450. What does that mean?Copy !req
451. It means that I have been tasked...Copy !req
452. with overseeing the end of your universe.Copy !req
453. And regardless of what the
pencil pushers upstairs would prefer...Copy !req
454. I will not...Copy !req
455. waste my life watching it die slowly
of natural causes.Copy !req
456. We used to just prune these things. Simple.Copy !req
457. Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA...Copy !req
458. doesn't like to do that anymore.
Well I do.Copy !req
459. And no matter what my so-called
superiors say, the multiverse...Copy !req
460. does not need a babysitter.Copy !req
461. We need a mercy killer.Copy !req
462. And in this instance...Copy !req
463. I am the mercy killer.Copy !req
464. What in the MacGuffin is that?Copy !req
465. That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
466. An accelerant.Copy !req
467. Once completed, it will allow me to destroy
the spacetime matrix of your universe.Copy !req
468. You see, I don't want to work for the TVA.Copy !req
469. I want to be the TVA.Copy !req
470. And the first step involves
showing this organization...Copy !req
471. how much more efficient it can become.Copy !req
472. To wit, I will be giving your universe
a swift and compassionate end.Copy !req
473. And don't worry,
your friends won't feel a thing.Copy !req
474. It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?"Copy !req
475. Trust me.Copy !req
476. You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe?Copy !req
477. Mm... In your parlance, yes.Copy !req
478. Two in the heart, one in the head.Copy !req
479. Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices.Copy !req
480. You can either rejoin your loved ones
and collectively cease to exist in...Copy !req
481. I'd say, seventy-two hours. Or...Copy !req
482. you join the Sacred Timeline.Copy !req
483. And you end your days of
insignificance...Copy !req
484. and mediocrity.Copy !req
485. Wade.Copy !req
486. Wade, you can finally...Copy !req
487. finally, matter.Copy !req
488. That's all I've ever really wanted.Copy !req
489. I know.Copy !req
490. I know.Copy !req
491. And you know I'm,
I'm nothing if not morally flexible.Copy !req
492. Yep, yep.Copy !req
493. I'll do it.Copy !req
494. Wise choice.
The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you.Copy !req
495. I was actually talking about
finding the Wolverine...Copy !req
496. and breaking your fucking nose.Copy !req
497. Find him. Find him!Copy !req
498. And boy, did he ever.Copy !req
499. Which brings us back to this.Copy !req
500. The desecration of the sacred corpse.Copy !req
501. Oh, my God!Copy !req
502. Oh! My own fucking arm!Copy !req
503. Now we're talkin'!Copy !req
504. Not like this!Copy !req
505. No, dear God! No!Copy !req
506. I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard!Copy !req
507. Make it stop!Copy !req
508. Mangold tried.Copy !req
509. You sick fuck!Copy !req
510. Logan was a hero.Copy !req
511. And the only thing worth a shit
to ever come out of Canada.Copy !req
512. Get my country's name
out of your fuckin' mouth.Copy !req
513. And my sword. Give me that.Copy !req
514. Oh, I gotta find me another Logan.Copy !req
515. An alive one.Copy !req
516. Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out.Copy !req
517. Logan!Copy !req
518. I'm gonna need you to come with me.Copy !req
519. Who's asking?Copy !req
520. Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton.Copy !req
521. Did you stick the landing, little guy?Copy !req
522. Yes, you did!Copy !req
523. Comic accurate short king.Copy !req
524. Such a cute wittle Wolvie.Copy !req
525. Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.Copy !req
526. Ahoy! Everything seems to be on fire.Copy !req
527. You have a dragon?Copy !req
528. You have Anchor Being written all over...Copy !req
529. Patch!Copy !req
530. Now we're talkin'.Copy !req
531. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
532. That's the whole goddamn package right there.Copy !req
533. Howdy!Copy !req
534. I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings.Copy !req
535. Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil.Copy !req
536. What in the fuck?Copy !req
537. Are you okay?Copy !req
538. Oh, yes, yes.Copy !req
539. Classic John Byrne brown and tan.Copy !req
540. Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No?Copy !req
541. I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature,
and I will not...Copy !req
542. It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.Copy !req
543. You know, from behind,
you look a little bit like Henry...Copy !req
544. Oh, my fuck!Copy !req
545. The Cavillrine. The legends are true.Copy !req
546. And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity...Copy !req
547. this just feels right.Copy !req
548. We will treat you so much better
than those shit fucks down the street.Copy !req
549. You were just leavin'.Copy !req
550. No, sir.
Not while the fate of my universe is at...Copy !req
551. This one looks promising.Copy !req
552. Down you go.Copy !req
553. Again.Copy !req
554. I told you. You're not welcome here.Copy !req
555. You're not welcome anywhere.Copy !req
556. Now get the fuck out of my bar.Copy !req
557. Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.Copy !req
558. That's not how it works.Copy !req
559. It does now. Leave the bottle.Copy !req
560. I know you, bub?Copy !req
561. Nope. But I know you.Copy !req
562. Everybody knows me.Copy !req
563. I'm the Wolverine.Copy !req
564. Yes, you are.Copy !req
565. And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.Copy !req
566. Look, lady, I'm not interested.Copy !req
567. - Really gettin' into your cups here.
- Why would I go with you?Copy !req
568. Because, unfortunately...Copy !req
569. I need you...Copy !req
570. and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.Copy !req
571. You two gonna fuck or fight?Copy !req
572. You gonna take that from him?Copy !req
573. Yep.Copy !req
574. I can tell you have a sort of...Copy !req
575. don't-get-too-close-I'll-only-
break-your-heart vibe going here...Copy !req
576. but every other Wolverine
would've really hurt me by now.Copy !req
577. And, I'm sort of on the tick-tick.
So upsy-daisy. Here we go.Copy !req
578. - Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey!
- Up you go. I got you, big guy.Copy !req
579. Whiskey dick of the claws.Copy !req
580. - It's quite common in Wolverines over forty.
- You don't want this.Copy !req
581. You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.Copy !req
582. Unless you wanna take a deep breath
through your fuckin' forehead...Copy !req
583. I suggest you reconsider.Copy !req
584. Let's go, peanut.Copy !req
585. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.Copy !req
586. Watch this.Copy !req
587. All right. That... Whoa.Copy !req
588. Easy.Copy !req
589. Good God.Copy !req
590. Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya?Copy !req
591. It's okay. Keep goin'.Copy !req
592. Audiences are accustomed to long run times.Copy !req
593. Guess you'll have to do.Copy !req
594. Okay, here we...Copy !req
595. Oh! Look at those jammies.Copy !req
596. That only took twenty fucking years.Copy !req
597. One Anchor Being coming right up!Copy !req
598. On your left, baby girl.Copy !req
599. This Logan has the same
he-can-do-anything-even-musicals look.Copy !req
600. And bonus...Copy !req
601. he's actually wearing a costume...Copy !req
602. like he's not embarrassed to be in
a superhero movie for once.Copy !req
603. I don't understand.Copy !req
604. You said my universe is dying...Copy !req
605. because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.Copy !req
606. - Well, problem solved.
- My God.Copy !req
607. You actually think
you can replace an Anchor Being...Copy !req
608. with this?Copy !req
609. I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine
BT dubs. But you...Copy !req
610. have outdone yourself
and brought me the worst Wolverine!Copy !req
611. What do you mean, the worst one?Copy !req
612. Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
613. This Wolverine let down his entire world.Copy !req
614. He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.Copy !req
615. And what he did...Copy !req
616. well...Copy !req
617. some things are just beyond forgiveness.Copy !req
618. Okay.Copy !req
619. How do I... How do I make this right?
I'll do anything.Copy !req
620. I gave you a chance at greatness.Copy !req
621. Because my superiors deemed you special.Copy !req
622. Clearly not special in a good way.Copy !req
623. Apparently you have some
important future purpose to serve.Copy !req
624. With Thor. He holds me.Copy !req
625. But, I did my duty.
I gave you the opportunity to be somebody.Copy !req
626. And instead of accepting my offering
with humility and gratitude...Copy !req
627. you broke my nose.Copy !req
628. - It looks great.
- And you decimated dozens of my men...Copy !req
629. with the exhumed corpse of a hero.Copy !req
630. Dishonoring not only his remains
but his memory.Copy !req
631. What are you, the Internet?Copy !req
632. Your world is dying!Copy !req
633. Thank you very much.Copy !req
634. And there's no stopping it.Copy !req
635. The humane thing to do...Copy !req
636. is to make it quick.Copy !req
637. Is the thought of vaporizing my universe
making you peckish?Copy !req
638. I'm eating my feelings.Copy !req
639. I'm about to lose everything that I've
ever cared about because that hairy...Copy !req
640. thundercunt from down undercunt...Copy !req
641. finally dies
and he's standing right behind me, isn't he?Copy !req
642. Welcome to the MCU, by the way.Copy !req
643. You're joining at a bit of a low point.Copy !req
644. As for you, I wanna talk to your boss.Copy !req
645. I want you to get him on the phone
and you tell him, her, or them...Copy !req
646. that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing.Copy !req
647. Holy shit.Copy !req
648. I just heard a symphony
of buttholes clenching all at once.Copy !req
649. You're off grid.Copy !req
650. Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks
are doing down here.Copy !req
651. Well, I'll tell you what.
I have a black belt in Karen...Copy !req
652. And I'm gonna go upstairs...Copy !req
653. and I'm gonna tell 'em all about
you and your...Copy !req
654. Silence is nice, isn't it?Copy !req
655. Where the fuck did he go?Copy !req
656. To the trash heap. You'll fit right in.Copy !req
657. That was close.Copy !req
658. Don't just stand there, you ape.Copy !req
659. Give me a hand up.Copy !req
660. Nope. I'm actually okay.
Thank you very much...Copy !req
661. Where the hell are we?Copy !req
662. I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y.Copy !req
663. But that would be IP infringement, right?Copy !req
664. Fucking jokes.Copy !req
665. Fuck! Fuck.Copy !req
666. Were you even listening back there?Copy !req
667. If we don't make it back to that
Mr. Paradox asshole...Copy !req
668. everyone I know is gonna die.Copy !req
669. Not my fuckin' problem.Copy !req
670. Oh, is that all you got?Copy !req
671. Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?Copy !req
672. Come again?Copy !req
673. Yeah, I heard all about you.Copy !req
674. How you screwed up everything.Copy !req
675. You should be thankin' me
for pulling you out of that bed you shit in.Copy !req
676. You back-stabbing son of a bitch!Copy !req
677. Are you ready to be calm now?Copy !req
678. Rest in pieces, Fox.Copy !req
679. I don't want to fight you, peanut.Copy !req
680. Doesn't matter what you did.Copy !req
681. I just need your help.Copy !req
682. I don't fuckin' care.Copy !req
683. Uh-oh.Copy !req
684. Fuck. This is gonna hurt.Copy !req
685. All right.Copy !req
686. Fuck it.Copy !req
687. Let's give the people what they came for.Copy !req
688. Let's fuckin' go.Copy !req
689. Get your special sock out, nerds.Copy !req
690. It's gonna get good.Copy !req
691. Gotcha!Copy !req
692. Baby Knife!Copy !req
693. Let's see you grow your fuckin' head back.Copy !req
694. Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it.Copy !req
695. - Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.Copy !req
696. Whatever made you so bad.Copy !req
697. Those, those pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.Copy !req
698. They have the power to end my universe...Copy !req
699. but they also have the power to change yours.Copy !req
700. We get back there...Copy !req
701. and we can fix your world. Together.Copy !req
702. I promise.Copy !req
703. They can fix it.Copy !req
704. Hey!Copy !req
705. We fight each other, we lose.Copy !req
706. Dear God, it's him.Copy !req
707. - Who?
- The one.Copy !req
708. The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.Copy !req
709. White guys' answer to all the
disappointments. And another A-lister.Copy !req
710. Fair warning, gorgeous.Copy !req
711. You're going to encounter
some indelicate language...Copy !req
712. a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited...Copy !req
713. from using cocaine. On camera.Copy !req
714. They're coming.Copy !req
715. Who's "they?"Copy !req
716. Oh, they're driving angry.Copy !req
717. Now that's a superhero landing.Copy !req
718. I got this.Copy !req
719. Stay close.Copy !req
720. Aye, aye, Cap'n.Copy !req
721. You got this.Copy !req
722. Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.Copy !req
723. You can't run.Copy !req
724. Everybody knows that.Copy !req
725. You see anyone runnin', dick for brains?Copy !req
726. You're not gonna love what happens next.Copy !req
727. Oh. Oh, my God.Copy !req
728. Oh, my God.Copy !req
729. - Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
- Ah! Fuck.Copy !req
730. - Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
- Say what?Copy !req
731. Avengers, assemble...Copy !req
732. - Flame on!
- I'm sorry, what now?Copy !req
733. Fuck!Copy !req
734. We don't know that guy.Copy !req
735. We thought we did.Copy !req
736. I know you.Copy !req
737. Holy...Copy !req
738. Sabretooth.Copy !req
739. Your brother.Copy !req
740. Ready to die?Copy !req
741. Wait, wait, wait!
Time!Copy !req
742. You look ridiculous.Copy !req
743. People have waited decades for this fight.Copy !req
744. It's not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.Copy !req
745. Shoot the double, you take him down.Copy !req
746. Side control, then full mount...Copy !req
747. and you ground and pound
till he makes no sound because he's dead.Copy !req
748. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
749. Oh, my God!Copy !req
750. Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan.Copy !req
751. What is it, girl?Copy !req
752. Is there trouble at the well?Copy !req
753. Big trouble.Copy !req
754. Behold!Copy !req
755. The head of your precious queen...Copy !req
756. Furiosa!Copy !req
757. I have the Wolverine!Copy !req
758. I alone control her!Copy !req
759. You come for me...Copy !req
760. you come for her.Copy !req
761. So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him."
I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear.Copy !req
762. Who's next?Copy !req
763. Toad!Copy !req
764. You're up.Copy !req
765. - Uh-oh. Oh, holy...
- Fuck.Copy !req
766. God of Thunder.Copy !req
767. How long was I asleep?Copy !req
768. Not all of you was asleep.Copy !req
769. Don't bother.Copy !req
770. They're very thorough.Copy !req
771. If you know where we are, start talking.Copy !req
772. You're in The Void.Copy !req
773. Think of it as purgatory.Copy !req
774. Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard.Copy !req
775. Where anything useless goes
before it gets annihilated forever.Copy !req
776. And where the TVA sends people that don't
play nice with the rest of the multiverse.Copy !req
777. - Like you?
- And you.Copy !req
778. What does the annihilating?Copy !req
779. Alioth.Copy !req
780. Alioth is in this thing?
From Loki, season one, episode five?Copy !req
781. Everyone here is on the run from Alioth.Copy !req
782. Most don't make it.Copy !req
783. There's a resistance, though.Copy !req
784. Other people like us that managed to survive.Copy !req
785. They're hidin' out in the borderlands,
trying to find a way the fuck outta here.Copy !req
786. Then that's where we go.Copy !req
787. "We?" Us? A team?Copy !req
788. The answer is yes.
Shake on it.Copy !req
789. Fuck! You nicked it.Copy !req
790. Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.Copy !req
791. These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.Copy !req
792. Make 'em fix things.Copy !req
793. Something funny, bub?Copy !req
794. She might have somethin' to say about that.Copy !req
795. Who's "she?"Copy !req
796. In The Void...Copy !req
797. you're either food for Alioth...Copy !req
798. or you work for her.Copy !req
799. Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged.Copy !req
800. You must be this year's Juggernaut.Copy !req
801. - Thank you.
- I'd keep your voices down.Copy !req
802. She don't like the chatter.Copy !req
803. She's gonna love you.Copy !req
804. Is it... Is that Charles?Copy !req
805. Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us!Copy !req
806. That's not Chuck.Copy !req
807. Ah, shit.Copy !req
808. Oh, ableism. Great.Copy !req
809. That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.Copy !req
810. A Wolverine.Copy !req
811. I wondered when I'd get one of you.Copy !req
812. You're one of Xavier's.Copy !req
813. You-You know him? You know Chuck?Copy !req
814. Oh, I knew him.Copy !req
815. We shared a womb.Copy !req
816. Tried to strangle the sly little fellow
with my umbilical cord.Copy !req
817. Amen. I've never loved roommates.
Mine's blind.Copy !req
818. Except she can see cocaine.Copy !req
819. For some... reason.Copy !req
820. You want to chime in, Your Majesty?
I'm dying here.Copy !req
821. Who are you?Copy !req
822. Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova.Copy !req
823. - Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.Copy !req
824. You two are cute.Copy !req
825. I have a good feeling about this.Copy !req
826. And I've been trying to catch...Copy !req
827. this little firefly for years.Copy !req
828. Haven't I, Johnny?Copy !req
829. Aw... You picked the wrong time
to make new friends.Copy !req
830. Oh, Johnny told us all about you.Copy !req
831. - Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don't...Copy !req
832. We're just talkin' here.Copy !req
833. Yeah, Johnny told us
you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole.Copy !req
834. His words, not mine.Copy !req
835. Hellbent on domination and pain.Copy !req
836. - You said all that about me?
- No!Copy !req
837. - No! I don't... I didn't say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!Copy !req
838. Don't let her intimidate you.Copy !req
839. It's like you said in the convoy.Copy !req
840. This finger-lickin' dead-inside
pixie slab of...Copy !req
841. third rate dime-store nut-milk...Copy !req
842. can eat your delicious cinnamon ring...Copy !req
843. - and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
- Okay.Copy !req
844. I have never said any of those words...Copy !req
845. - in my entire life!
- Ha! The modesty.Copy !req
846. People think I'm a shit talker.
But this guy...Copy !req
847. Next level.Copy !req
848. What? This... I... We...Copy !req
849. I don't even know what half of that means!Copy !req
850. - This... I... What? This...
- My hat's off to you, sir. Truly.Copy !req
851. I didn't... He's... That's...Copy !req
852. I don't...Copy !req
853. Not my favorite Chris.Copy !req
854. You stupid piece of shit.
You just got him fucking killed!Copy !req
855. Hey! We're all grieving!Copy !req
856. PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?Copy !req
857. Alioth is hungry.Copy !req
858. There's been some kind of mistake.Copy !req
859. Big yellow is a back up Anchor Being...Copy !req
860. and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty.Copy !req
861. This may be hard to hear...Copy !req
862. but there's another British villain
who's gonna destroy my universe...Copy !req
863. and I'm gonna stop him.Copy !req
864. Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as
the world-saving type.Copy !req
865. Did I hit a nerve?Copy !req
866. I didn't want it to come to this.Copy !req
867. Either you help us...Copy !req
868. or my friend here is gonna sing
the entire second act of Music Man...Copy !req
869. with zero warm-up.Copy !req
870. Where'd you get the chair?Copy !req
871. Well, once in a while,
I do get a Charles through here.Copy !req
872. Never mine, though.Copy !req
873. No. He didn't care to find me.Copy !req
874. Gen Z and their trauma-bragging!Copy !req
875. Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment...Copy !req
876. or cancer like the rest of us?Copy !req
877. But I'm not like the rest of you.Copy !req
878. Except maybe the Wolverine.Copy !req
879. Now, we could be truly terrifying together.Copy !req
880. You're that scary, huh?Copy !req
881. The TVA certainly thought so.Copy !req
882. They sent me here before I could walk.Copy !req
883. And you know, it's the best thing
that ever happened to me.Copy !req
884. I love it here.Copy !req
885. You live in a garbage dump.Copy !req
886. I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.Copy !req
887. The Void is a paradise.Copy !req
888. I can wield my power here without shame.Copy !req
889. Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier
to teach me temperance.Copy !req
890. What about your Charles?Copy !req
891. Did he protect you?Copy !req
892. Did he make you feel safe?Copy !req
893. We're mutants. We're never safe.Copy !req
894. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I don't... I don't want the smoke.Copy !req
895. I don't have any beef with you.
I just want to save my friends.Copy !req
896. I just... I want to go home.Copy !req
897. Well, the thing is, I could get you home.Copy !req
898. - Good.
- But I don't want to.Copy !req
899. Not good.Copy !req
900. What do you want, Wade Wilson?Copy !req
901. Your... fingers are inside me,
but not in a good way.Copy !req
902. My brother could
enter one's mind with a thought.Copy !req
903. I have to get my hands dirty.Copy !req
904. I've got you.Copy !req
905. I've got you...Copy !req
906. What do you mean?Copy !req
907. I can't, I can't reach you. You're not here.Copy !req
908. I'm right here.Copy !req
909. - No, you're not. I can't...
- I'm right here.Copy !req
910. Then show me. You got to do something.Copy !req
911. Show you what?Copy !req
912. Show me you care about
something bigger than you.Copy !req
913. Ever since they turned you down,
you took a knee.Copy !req
914. Baby, you never got back up.Copy !req
915. I know you're going through something.
Let me go through it with you.Copy !req
916. - Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.Copy !req
917. Where'd you go?Copy !req
918. Oh, my God.Copy !req
919. You just say it. Okay?Copy !req
920. Say, "I don't want you.Copy !req
921. "I don't want to be with you."Copy !req
922. Go ahead. Say it. Say, say, "I don't..."Copy !req
923. Say it. You don't wanna be with me.Copy !req
924. Tell me that and I'll walk away.
Say, "I don't want you."Copy !req
925. Fuck...Copy !req
926. You'll never fucking matter.Copy !req
927. What?Copy !req
928. - You'll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.Copy !req
929. - You'll...
- You'll...Copy !req
930. - never...
- never...Copy !req
931. - fucking...
- fucking...Copy !req
932. - matter.
- matter...Copy !req
933. She never said that.Copy !req
934. No.Copy !req
935. But I bet she thought it.Copy !req
936. You are so mean!Copy !req
937. My brain could taste your fingers,
and they tasted like hate!Copy !req
938. And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?Copy !req
939. You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
940. And long before you came here.Copy !req
941. This is Baby Knife.
She's gonna fuck you in the face now.Copy !req
942. If you want to kill me,
it's going to take more than a little blade.Copy !req
943. How about six?Copy !req
944. My boy's wicked strong.Copy !req
945. That's my big boy.Copy !req
946. Yes, you are.Copy !req
947. Well, this has been fun.Copy !req
948. But the big guy needs to eat
and the rent is due.Copy !req
949. By the way...Copy !req
950. you're the rent.Copy !req
951. Come on! Fuck!Copy !req
952. You comin' or what?Copy !req
953. Coming!Copy !req
954. What you thinkin' 'bout?Copy !req
955. Get the fuck off of me!Copy !req
956. Almost done.Copy !req
957. Almost done what?Copy !req
958. Getting my knife out of your buttocks,
pervert!Copy !req
959. Fuck!Copy !req
960. Get your mind out of my pants!Copy !req
961. I'm telling Blake.Copy !req
962. New rules.Copy !req
963. I talk now.Copy !req
964. - That's gonna be very hard on the audience.
- Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
965. Let me fuckin' think.Copy !req
966. Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right?Copy !req
967. Right?Copy !req
968. - Am I allowed to speak now or...
- Just nod, asshole.Copy !req
969. Right.Copy !req
970. Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny
was talking about before you got him killed!Copy !req
971. "Poor kid." He's like fifty!Copy !req
972. Yeah, if there's a chance they know
how to get out of here, we find 'em.Copy !req
973. And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit
like you fucking promised!Copy !req
974. I smell quest.Copy !req
975. I smell food.Copy !req
976. So what made you finally wear an
honest-to-God costume?Copy !req
977. Mine's red so they can't see me bleed.Copy !req
978. But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.Copy !req
979. Have you been checked for ADHD?Copy !req
980. Mm-mm.Copy !req
981. But I've had several STDs, which...Copy !req
982. were probably caused by ADHD.Copy !req
983. Fuck!Copy !req
984. What are you looking for?Copy !req
985. Thank fuck.Copy !req
986. No, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol.Copy !req
987. You don't want to drink...
Oh, yeah. There you go. Fuck that liver.Copy !req
988. Good. Okay.Copy !req
989. What the fuck are those?Copy !req
990. Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee,
but nobody knows.Copy !req
991. Everybody knows.Copy !req
992. Wanna talk about what's haunting you, or...Copy !req
993. should we wait for a third act flashback?Copy !req
994. Go fuck yourself.Copy !req
995. You know...Copy !req
996. in my world, you're...Copy !req
997. You're well regarded.Copy !req
998. Yeah, well, not in mine.Copy !req
999. - They don't like me much in mine either.
- You don't say.Copy !req
1000. I wanted to be something, you know. I...Copy !req
1001. Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.Copy !req
1002. - Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1003. I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...Copy !req
1004. When my girlfriend left me...Copy !req
1005. - and then I just...
- You had a girlfriend?Copy !req
1006. Yeah.Copy !req
1007. Vanessa.Copy !req
1008. When we met, she was a dancer.Copy !req
1009. We had a whole life.Copy !req
1010. It was good.Copy !req
1011. But, oh, boy, I just...Copy !req
1012. Fucked that right up.Copy !req
1013. But you.Copy !req
1014. You were an X-Man.Copy !req
1015. Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You...Copy !req
1016. The Wolverine.Copy !req
1017. He was a hero in my world.Copy !req
1018. Yeah, well...Copy !req
1019. he ain't shit in mine.Copy !req
1020. You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?Copy !req
1021. He died.Copy !req
1022. How?Copy !req
1023. Well, technically,
you were chest-fucked by a tree, but...Copy !req
1024. really, you just ran out of batteries
trying to save someone.Copy !req
1025. Who?Copy !req
1026. The shitheels that grew her in a lab
called her "X-23." But...Copy !req
1027. she was just a kid.Copy !req
1028. A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.Copy !req
1029. You died trying to save her.Copy !req
1030. It was beautiful.Copy !req
1031. Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'.Copy !req
1032. My blind, elderly, African-American roommate,
Blind Al, always says that...Copy !req
1033. pain teaches us who we are.Copy !req
1034. Sometimes we need to listen to that pain
instead of running from it.Copy !req
1035. - Holy shit.
- Yeah, she's wise.Copy !req
1036. No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al?"Copy !req
1037. Well, she's blind.Copy !req
1038. Look at you!Copy !req
1039. She's coming with us.Copy !req
1040. - No, she's not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.Copy !req
1041. - Oh, yes...
- Sorry!Copy !req
1042. Sorry about that!Copy !req
1043. Come here, girl!Copy !req
1044. Who are you?Copy !req
1045. Oh, I'm Deadpool.Copy !req
1046. And I guess you're Deadpool too.Copy !req
1047. But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool."Copy !req
1048. Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool.
She is gorgeous.Copy !req
1049. She just had a baby too. And...Copy !req
1050. Can't even tell.Copy !req
1051. I don't think you're supposed to say that.Copy !req
1052. That's okay.Copy !req
1053. I identify as a feminist.Copy !req
1054. Right.Copy !req
1055. Are those gold-plated,
50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?Copy !req
1056. 'Course.Copy !req
1057. To match my ear huggie.Copy !req
1058. Can I have 'em?Copy !req
1059. Over my dead body.Copy !req
1060. You're fun.Copy !req
1061. And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins.
AKA Dogpool.Copy !req
1062. Careful where you put your hands.Copy !req
1063. She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.Copy !req
1064. You let this little flirt out of your sight
for one second and...Copy !req
1065. she starts shopping for a new papa.Copy !req
1066. If you can't be a responsible pet owner, then
maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn.Copy !req
1067. Guilty on all charges, Your Honor.Copy !req
1068. Shan't happen again.Copy !req
1069. Why are you so nice?Copy !req
1070. Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.Copy !req
1071. Shutting the fuck up is also free.Copy !req
1072. This is Logan.Copy !req
1073. He's usually shirtless,
but he's let himself go since the divorce.Copy !req
1074. Where's your mask?Copy !req
1075. Come on, guys.Copy !req
1076. Ugh, this guy.Copy !req
1077. We're looking for a group of survivors.Copy !req
1078. Oh, they're out there.Copy !req
1079. Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope
that you don't run into the Deadpool corps.Copy !req
1080. Yeah, they're crazy.Copy !req
1081. They will chop you up into a thousand pieces
and hide you all over The Void.Copy !req
1082. If they could only process
their childhood trauma...Copy !req
1083. they'd go on one heck of a healing journey.Copy !req
1084. Look, we're headed for the borderlands.Copy !req
1085. You know where it is?Copy !req
1086. Yeah, that... That's twelve klicks due west.
I can lend you my ride, if you like.Copy !req
1087. It would be my honor.Copy !req
1088. No, no, no. Absolutely not.Copy !req
1089. Uh-uh. What the...
No! No!Copy !req
1090. Just get in the car.Copy !req
1091. This isn't a car.Copy !req
1092. This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.Copy !req
1093. Throttle response sucks a cock.Copy !req
1094. Dated infotainment system.Copy !req
1095. When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia
was makin' a comeback...Copy !req
1096. they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete.Copy !req
1097. Get in the fucking car.Copy !req
1098. She'll get you there safe and sound.Copy !req
1099. Old Betsy always does.Copy !req
1100. You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.Copy !req
1101. I know. Listen. Yes, child.Copy !req
1102. If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home...Copy !req
1103. or if something
should happen to you...Copy !req
1104. I'd love to be her papa.Copy !req
1105. What would ever happen to me?Copy !req
1106. Lots of stuff.Copy !req
1107. - Jesus.
- No! We're running away.Copy !req
1108. - Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!Copy !req
1109. - There.
- Come here!Copy !req
1110. - Fuck!
- Hello!Copy !req
1111. Bye.Copy !req
1112. Okay, I'm just gonna ask...Copy !req
1113. What's with the suit?Copy !req
1114. First thing I did when I flamed out...Copy !req
1115. - I took mine off.
- Drop it.Copy !req
1116. It's not that ugly.Copy !req
1117. - Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?Copy !req
1118. - Been there.
- Quit. Now.Copy !req
1119. The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.Copy !req
1120. They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.Copy !req
1121. Friends don't let friends...Copy !req
1122. leave the house lookin' like they
fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.Copy !req
1123. Shut the fuck up about this, or...Copy !req
1124. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Watch your frown lines, angel baby.Copy !req
1125. - I'm just trying to bond a little bit.
- Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else.Copy !req
1126. Fine.Copy !req
1127. Stop it.Copy !req
1128. If they can fix your world...Copy !req
1129. what's the first thing you're gonna do
when you get out of here?Copy !req
1130. Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?Copy !req
1131. What did you say?Copy !req
1132. I said when you get back,
what's the first thing you're gonna do?Copy !req
1133. No, no, no. Before that.Copy !req
1134. If... they can fix your world?Copy !req
1135. What do you mean, "if?"Copy !req
1136. - I mean...
- You lied to me.Copy !req
1137. You don't have a fucking clue
if they can help me fix things, do you?Copy !req
1138. No. I, I mean...Copy !req
1139. Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!Copy !req
1140. - You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!Copy !req
1141. Because I need you.Copy !req
1142. This. This is why. Right here.Copy !req
1143. 'Cause if we don't do something, they die.Copy !req
1144. I don't know anything about saving worlds.Copy !req
1145. And why would I even care?Copy !req
1146. Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.Copy !req
1147. It's only nine people...Copy !req
1148. and I have no idea how to save it alone.Copy !req
1149. I know how to fuck people up for money.
But you...Copy !req
1150. you know how to save 'em!Copy !req
1151. At least the other Wolverine did.Copy !req
1152. Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one.Copy !req
1153. Did you say you made...Copy !req
1154. an educated fucking wish?Copy !req
1155. They call me "The Merc with the Mouth."Copy !req
1156. They don't call me "Truthful Timmy,
the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon."Copy !req
1157. One more word.Copy !req
1158. Please give me one.Copy !req
1159. Gubernatorial.Copy !req
1160. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1161. You know what? You're a fucking joke.Copy !req
1162. No wonder the Avengers didn't take you.Copy !req
1163. Or the X-Men.
And they'll take fucking anyone.Copy !req
1164. I mean, you are...Copy !req
1165. a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron.Copy !req
1166. I have never met...Copy !req
1167. a sadder...Copy !req
1168. more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick...Copy !req
1169. in my entire life. And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive...Copy !req
1170. for more than two hundred fuckin' years,
and I'll tell you...Copy !req
1171. that bald chick was right about one thing.
You will never save the world!Copy !req
1172. You couldn't even save a relationship...Copy !req
1173. with a goddamn stripper!Copy !req
1174. And motherfucker,
I wish I could say you'd die alone...Copy !req
1175. but it's one of God's best jokes
that you can't die...Copy !req
1176. except that's on all of us!Copy !req
1177. Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth?Copy !req
1178. I'm gonna fight you now.Copy !req
1179. Oh, are you?Copy !req
1180. Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?Copy !req
1181. You dirty bitch.Copy !req
1182. Whoo!Copy !req
1183. No, no, no!Copy !req
1184. Baby Knife!Copy !req
1185. I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.Copy !req
1186. Too bad you don't, needle dick.Copy !req
1187. Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub.Copy !req
1188. Oh, you... Fuck!Copy !req
1189. Thor!Copy !req
1190. Where are we?Copy !req
1191. No clue, but... I like it here.Copy !req
1192. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
1193. Okay.Copy !req
1194. Look at you... all. You must be the others.Copy !req
1195. Terrific.Copy !req
1196. So just to refresh, you are...Copy !req
1197. - Wonder... Elektra? Yes. Who could forget?
- Elektra.Copy !req
1198. And you. I was not expecting to see you here.
I thought you were, you know...Copy !req
1199. retired.Copy !req
1200. Retarded?Copy !req
1201. "Retired."Copy !req
1202. I'm already in The Void.
I'm not trying to get canceled again.Copy !req
1203. I don't like you.Copy !req
1204. You never did.Copy !req
1205. And who's this succulent reminder
of my own inadequacies?Copy !req
1206. Look at you.Copy !req
1207. You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.Copy !req
1208. The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc.Copy !req
1209. But you can call me the Gambit.Copy !req
1210. It's been a while since I've seen
Sling Blade. Hit me again.Copy !req
1211. They call me the Gambit.Copy !req
1212. Do they? Are you sure you didn't just
really, really want them to...Copy !req
1213. but it never quite worked out?Copy !req
1214. You know,
we never had a Wolverine up in here.Copy !req
1215. But I can tell you now,
it's just a common courtesy to ask...Copy !req
1216. before you drink up all of my liquor.Copy !req
1217. Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck.Copy !req
1218. Fuck.Copy !req
1219. So embarrassing.Copy !req
1220. Well, now that that's settled, look,
we came a long way to find you three.Copy !req
1221. There's four of us.Copy !req
1222. There's four... Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?Copy !req
1223. Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto...Copy !req
1224. - because with him...
- He's dead.Copy !req
1225. Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?Copy !req
1226. It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass
and started lying like crazy.Copy !req
1227. Ooh, you nasty!Copy !req
1228. Not a single word. What do you do exactly?Copy !req
1229. Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!Copy !req
1230. Your power's close up magic. That's good.Copy !req
1231. We're not totally fucked at all.Copy !req
1232. So who brought us here?Copy !req
1233. That would be me.Copy !req
1234. Don't make me regret it.Copy !req
1235. Holy shit. Logan. That's her.
That's X-23.Copy !req
1236. She's the one I told you about.Copy !req
1237. Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void?Copy !req
1238. There was a knock at the door.Copy !req
1239. - TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.Copy !req
1240. Well, maybe I was born here.
It's, it's hard to know for sure.Copy !req
1241. TVA decided our universe was dying.Copy !req
1242. And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.Copy !req
1243. People like us don't go quietly.Copy !req
1244. TVA knows that, so they took us out.Copy !req
1245. The answer is yes. I'm in.Copy !req
1246. - In what?
- A team.Copy !req
1247. Me, you, you, and me. All of us together.Copy !req
1248. Let's get the fuck out of this place.Copy !req
1249. - Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar!
- It was an educated wish!Copy !req
1250. Look.Copy !req
1251. We've been inside Cassandra's lair.Copy !req
1252. The only way out of The Void
is through her.Copy !req
1253. She can get us home. She told us.Copy !req
1254. Wait a minute, you've been inside?Copy !req
1255. - And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.Copy !req
1256. - Nobody's ever done that.
- We did.Copy !req
1257. Every time one of us
has gone up against her...Copy !req
1258. they die.Copy !req
1259. The Punisher, The Quicksilver, The Daredevil.Copy !req
1260. Daredevil? I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1261. - It's fine.
- Okay.Copy !req
1262. Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm.Copy !req
1263. He up and gone missing like...Copy !req
1264. what, two days ago?Copy !req
1265. Ugh. That's so sad.Copy !req
1266. Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.Copy !req
1267. Look, there's, there's strength in numbers.
All right? Us...Copy !req
1268. plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra...Copy !req
1269. over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.Copy !req
1270. I know what it means to feel self-doubt.Copy !req
1271. - I don't feel that at all.
- I'm good.Copy !req
1272. Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm.Copy !req
1273. It's like you're
holding up a mirror to my soul.Copy !req
1274. You guys may not have been able to
save your universes.Copy !req
1275. But you can avenge them.Copy !req
1276. It's what Johnny would have wanted.Copy !req
1277. Wait. You knew Johnny?Copy !req
1278. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1279. Dickhead here talked him into a team up...Copy !req
1280. and Johnny came down
with a little case of the deads.Copy !req
1281. No, no, no. We don't know that.Copy !req
1282. It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.Copy !req
1283. If he survived that, he is prayin' for death.Copy !req
1284. - Thank you, Doctor Wolverine!
- Spill it!Copy !req
1285. What'd you do to Johnny, huh?Copy !req
1286. Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.Copy !req
1287. Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
1288. Look.Copy !req
1289. He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra.Copy !req
1290. Then she zip-zapped his skin...Copy !req
1291. leaving his organs to
splash crudely onto the ground...Copy !req
1292. while the soil greedily drank his blood.
It was horrible.Copy !req
1293. He was like a brother to me.Copy !req
1294. Look, he died
before he could make a difference. But...Copy !req
1295. Look, maybe you couldn't save your worlds,
but...Copy !req
1296. but Jesus Christ, you can save mine!Copy !req
1297. I don't give a shit about your world, but...Copy !req
1298. if these two made it out of there alive,
maybe together...Copy !req
1299. we can get back in.
And take her down.Copy !req
1300. Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chère.Copy !req
1301. If we can block her psychic powers,
we can get a leg up. I know it.Copy !req
1302. Now I know Magneto's dead.Copy !req
1303. But I'd venture to guess that his helmet...Copy !req
1304. - is lying around here somewhere...
- Cassandra melted the helmet.Copy !req
1305. - Fuck!
- After she killed him.Copy !req
1306. Fuck!Copy !req
1307. She don't play.Copy !req
1308. She knows that helmet was the only way
to protect anyone from her powers.Copy !req
1309. The only other helmet that strong is
Juggernaut's, but...Copy !req
1310. - he works for Cassandra.
- Juggernaut's helmet. That's it.Copy !req
1311. Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off...Copy !req
1312. - without that dome gonna come off wit'it.
- I'm so sorry, beautiful.Copy !req
1313. I want this to be gentle.
Who is your dialect coach? The Minions?Copy !req
1314. I feel like
we are missing critical exposition here.Copy !req
1315. I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.Copy !req
1316. Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us.Copy !req
1317. Or never learned about us.Copy !req
1318. The heroes we were.Copy !req
1319. Lives we saved.Copy !req
1320. Or wanted to save.Copy !req
1321. Maybe these two are our chance.Copy !req
1322. To be remembered.Copy !req
1323. The way we deserve.Copy !req
1324. Yes.Copy !req
1325. An ending.Copy !req
1326. - Legacy.
- Yes!Copy !req
1327. Yes! Let this man cook.Copy !req
1328. This is what I'm talking about.Copy !req
1329. Big slow-motion fights, sad music.Copy !req
1330. Everybody working together. Who knows if you
live or die? That sorta thing.Copy !req
1331. - Who's ready?
- I was born ready.Copy !req
1332. Yes!
Gambit?Copy !req
1333. I ain't know my daddy,
but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready.Copy !req
1334. Jesus Christ, that is graphic.Copy !req
1335. Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts
all up in my mama...Copy !req
1336. and I shot out there and I said,
"What's up, Doc?"Copy !req
1337. Johnny must have loved you.
X-23, what's it gonna be?Copy !req
1338. The name's Laura.Copy !req
1339. - Let's fucking go.
- Let's fucking go!Copy !req
1340. - It's on like chicken and corn.
- Yeah!Copy !req
1341. - We're doing this.
- You're all fuckin' dead.Copy !req
1342. My God! Read the room.Copy !req
1343. Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company.
Get out of here.Copy !req
1344. You remind me of him.Copy !req
1345. Angry. Drunk. Mean...Copy !req
1346. - Sounds like a great guy...
- Wasn't finished.Copy !req
1347. Showed up when it mattered the most.Copy !req
1348. Couldn't help it.Copy !req
1349. You might not know it, but...Copy !req
1350. you're a good man, Logan.Copy !req
1351. You might not know it, but apparently,
I'm the worst Logan.Copy !req
1352. I got to have a life because of you.Copy !req
1353. I got to grow up because of you.Copy !req
1354. A lot of kids did.Copy !req
1355. A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me.Copy !req
1356. Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.Copy !req
1357. That suit says different.Copy !req
1358. Yeah. Do you like it?Copy !req
1359. Scott used to beg me to wear it.Copy !req
1360. So did Jean, Storm, Beast.Copy !req
1361. All of them.Copy !req
1362. They wanted me to be part of the team,
but I wouldn't.Copy !req
1363. Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous.
I mean...Copy !req
1364. I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.Copy !req
1365. And then one day, while I was off on my own,
the humans came...Copy !req
1366. and went mutant hunting.Copy !req
1367. I can guess the rest.Copy !req
1368. No, no, let me...Copy !req
1369. Let me say it. I...Copy !req
1370. I need to say it.Copy !req
1371. By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar, it was too late.Copy !req
1372. They were dead. Every...Copy !req
1373. This suit's all I got to remind me of
who they were.Copy !req
1374. And what I did.Copy !req
1375. We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup.Copy !req
1376. Have fun. Not my fight.Copy !req
1377. We won't pull this off without you.Copy !req
1378. Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.Copy !req
1379. You were always the wrong guy.Copy !req
1380. What?Copy !req
1381. Alioth didn't get them.Copy !req
1382. Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.Copy !req
1383. They got away.Copy !req
1384. - Did they find the others?
- No.Copy !req
1385. Good. All right. Phew.Copy !req
1386. The others found them.Copy !req
1387. Oh, very cute. Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.Copy !req
1388. - You really got me there.
- Relax.Copy !req
1389. If they come after Nova, she'll handle it.Copy !req
1390. Cassandra is a lunatic wild card.Copy !req
1391. Why do you think we put her there
in the first place?Copy !req
1392. Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.Copy !req
1393. The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.Copy !req
1394. I cannot take any chances.Copy !req
1395. Well, maybe not.Copy !req
1396. But I can.Copy !req
1397. For a price.Copy !req
1398. Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?Copy !req
1399. It's so icky.Copy !req
1400. You want it done or not?Copy !req
1401. All right. Your price.Copy !req
1402. Take her out.Copy !req
1403. Ugh. Mutants.Copy !req
1404. Ooh! Look at that there!Copy !req
1405. You see them biggum hands come closed.
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there.Copy !req
1406. I think what Gambit's
trying to say is...Copy !req
1407. getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.Copy !req
1408. I'm just making stuff up at this...Copy !req
1409. - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!Copy !req
1410. Where'd he get that little beauty?Copy !req
1411. That's Punisher's AT4.Copy !req
1412. Which Punisher?
There's been like five of them.Copy !req
1413. There's only been one Blade...Copy !req
1414. and there's only ever gonna be one Blade.Copy !req
1415. Incoming!Copy !req
1416. Ooh, this is gonna be good.Copy !req
1417. You know how long I've been waiting for this?Copy !req
1418. Whoo!
I'm about to make a name for myself here.Copy !req
1419. I don't think you guys walk away from this.Copy !req
1420. You just make sure
people know what happened here today.Copy !req
1421. And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?Copy !req
1422. You just stay on our six and get inside.Copy !req
1423. We'll make sure you get the package.Copy !req
1424. And we'll get our ending.Copy !req
1425. And boom!Copy !req
1426. Some motherfuckers still trying
to ice skate uphill.Copy !req
1427. You two escaping, I could live with.Copy !req
1428. But coming back? Willingly?Copy !req
1429. Boys are so silly.Copy !req
1430. I just need to get home.Copy !req
1431. Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid.Copy !req
1432. It's death or enslavement.
À la carte, of course.Copy !req
1433. Upsy-daisy.Copy !req
1434. Finally...Copy !req
1435. it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.Copy !req
1436. Not my strong suit.Copy !req
1437. You shouldn't have done that.Copy !req
1438. You are an interesting one, aren't you?Copy !req
1439. I do feel like
you get lost behind all of his...Copy !req
1440. Deadpools are
a dime a dozen here in The Void.Copy !req
1441. But you...Copy !req
1442. What's going on in here?Copy !req
1443. Interesting...Copy !req
1444. Not what I expected back here.Copy !req
1445. Behind the anger.Copy !req
1446. You're hiding.Copy !req
1447. From them.Copy !req
1448. From all the ones you let down.Copy !req
1449. So much pain.Copy !req
1450. I walked away.Copy !req
1451. They called after me and I...Copy !req
1452. I walked away.Copy !req
1453. I always do.Copy !req
1454. - Logan!
- I know.Copy !req
1455. That's not all you did.Copy !req
1456. Is it?Copy !req
1457. You found them.Copy !req
1458. The X-Men.Copy !req
1459. Dead.Copy !req
1460. Piled like wood.Copy !req
1461. What did you do?Copy !req
1462. I started killing.Copy !req
1463. And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop.Copy !req
1464. All those bad men.Copy !req
1465. It's not just the bad ones.Copy !req
1466. My little animal.Copy !req
1467. And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.Copy !req
1468. Blade!Copy !req
1469. Just once...Copy !req
1470. I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.Copy !req
1471. Logan...Copy !req
1472. in The Void you can be what you are.Copy !req
1473. I just wanna be free.Copy !req
1474. I can set you free.Copy !req
1475. I can silence all those voices.Copy !req
1476. I've got you.Copy !req
1477. I've got you.Copy !req
1478. No.Copy !req
1479. I got you.Copy !req
1480. Get it off!Copy !req
1481. You're gonna send us home,
or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off.Copy !req
1482. Why are you laughing?Copy !req
1483. I can't send you home
unless you get this thing off my head.Copy !req
1484. And as soon as you do that...Copy !req
1485. I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level whilst...Copy !req
1486. flicking my bean to the Enya box set.Copy !req
1487. There's an Enya box set?Copy !req
1488. Either you kill me...Copy !req
1489. or I kill you.Copy !req
1490. Both wonderful options.Copy !req
1491. You want me to do it?Copy !req
1492. No, I'll do it.Copy !req
1493. I have her neck right here.
It's really no problem.Copy !req
1494. You'll screw it up.Copy !req
1495. Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
except the last one!Copy !req
1496. What the fuck?Copy !req
1497. You have no idea what it's like!Copy !req
1498. Day after day. Shovel the shit.Copy !req
1499. Fetch the meats.Copy !req
1500. I have spent my entire...Copy !req
1501. Not everyone gets a speech.Copy !req
1502. She's gonna die.Copy !req
1503. Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off...Copy !req
1504. - do you promise you won't kill us?
- Fuck!Copy !req
1505. I promise...Copy !req
1506. I will kill you first thing.Copy !req
1507. Why are you like this?Copy !req
1508. I wish I knew.Copy !req
1509. Take it off.Copy !req
1510. - What?
- Take it off.Copy !req
1511. - Why?
- Just take it off.Copy !req
1512. - This is our only chance to fix our shit!
- Take it off!Copy !req
1513. I am wearing this suit.Copy !req
1514. And that means a lot of things,
but most of all...Copy !req
1515. it means I'm an X-Man.Copy !req
1516. And I know your brother.Copy !req
1517. As much as I want to fucking kill you...Copy !req
1518. every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you...Copy !req
1519. he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!Copy !req
1520. Take your hands off.Copy !req
1521. This is for him.Copy !req
1522. This is for Charles.Copy !req
1523. Hey, no, no, no!
Don't you dare do me like Johnny!Copy !req
1524. My brother loved you.Copy !req
1525. He loved all of us.Copy !req
1526. Must be nice.Copy !req
1527. He would've loved you, too.Copy !req
1528. If he knew about you...Copy !req
1529. if he knew where you were...Copy !req
1530. he would've torn a hole in the fucking
universe to bring you home.Copy !req
1531. This is my home.Copy !req
1532. Well, then at least let us save his.Copy !req
1533. You want to hear something crazy?Copy !req
1534. An amateur magician
rolled through here a while back.Copy !req
1535. I killed him, of course.Copy !req
1536. Wore his skin around for four days.Copy !req
1537. But...Copy !req
1538. I found this...Copy !req
1539. little trinket...Copy !req
1540. on his lovely fingers.Copy !req
1541. Strange!Copy !req
1542. - Marvel sparkle circle.
- What is that?Copy !req
1543. This is your way home.Copy !req
1544. I do owe you for saving my life.
But let's keep things interesting.Copy !req
1545. I'd say you have about four seconds
before you're Alioth's food.Copy !req
1546. Race ya.Copy !req
1547. And as I said
we've got a standard three-year...Copy !req
1548. bumper to bumper warranty.Copy !req
1549. Glad you gave us a second chance.Copy !req
1550. And don't worry. Wade and I are a team,
so I'll see he gets half the commission...Copy !req
1551. That feels like a Kia.Copy !req
1552. It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?Copy !req
1553. Holy shit. That's Deadpool.Copy !req
1554. And that's Wolverine.Copy !req
1555. You're damn straight it is.Copy !req
1556. Fox killed him.Copy !req
1557. Disney brought him back. They're going
to make him do this 'til he's 90.Copy !req
1558. Let's go.Copy !req
1559. I'll clock you out!Copy !req
1560. Forever!Copy !req
1561. Forever.Copy !req
1562. Wakey-wakey.Copy !req
1563. God?Copy !req
1564. Now you put all these bullets in my belly...Copy !req
1565. and I'm gonna find out why.Copy !req
1566. I'll just say it.Copy !req
1567. You don't have to stick your fingers in me.Copy !req
1568. Jesus, just ask sometimes.Copy !req
1569. Fine.Copy !req
1570. Really?Copy !req
1571. Hands in pockets.Copy !req
1572. Guy named Paradox.Copy !req
1573. He said he'd get me out of The Void.Copy !req
1574. All I know is he works for the TVA.Copy !req
1575. The TVA.Copy !req
1576. We had an agreement.Copy !req
1577. I don't think this guy cares.Copy !req
1578. He will.Copy !req
1579. Hey, people!Copy !req
1580. How much longer
before the Time Ripper is active?Copy !req
1581. We're running the final safety checks.Copy !req
1582. Okay. All right.
Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.Copy !req
1583. - Take your time.
- Really?Copy !req
1584. No, you drooling boob!Copy !req
1585. No! We have company.Copy !req
1586. Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!Copy !req
1587. I hate you so much.Copy !req
1588. No! Stop!Copy !req
1589. Piss off! You're too late.Copy !req
1590. - You're fuckin' done.
- Why was Thor crying?Copy !req
1591. How dare you!Copy !req
1592. No one comes back from The Void.Copy !req
1593. Tell that to Cassandra Nova.Copy !req
1594. Paradox.
We have a problem.Copy !req
1595. Paradox.Copy !req
1596. Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.Copy !req
1597. You tried to kill me.Copy !req
1598. I literally have no...Copy !req
1599. You come for the king,
you better kill the king.Copy !req
1600. Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox.Copy !req
1601. You know she doesn't wash that hand.Copy !req
1602. What's this?Copy !req
1603. A Time Ripper?Copy !req
1604. - Naughty boy.
- Oh, no. We're on it.Copy !req
1605. We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.Copy !req
1606. We got ya, boo.
You just keep playing those keys.Copy !req
1607. I don't want to destroy it.Copy !req
1608. I want to use it.Copy !req
1609. Now, shoo.
Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation.Copy !req
1610. You know, the funny thing is...Copy !req
1611. I was happy in The Void.Copy !req
1612. You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.Copy !req
1613. Everyone was happy.Copy !req
1614. And then you had to go
and piss on my side of the fence.Copy !req
1615. And so now the fence must come down.Copy !req
1616. I'm going to use your little Time Ripper.Copy !req
1617. And I'm going to destroy this universe...Copy !req
1618. and the next and the next and the next...Copy !req
1619. until all that's left is The Void.Copy !req
1620. And I get to play God.Copy !req
1621. Come on.Copy !req
1622. Now you're going to show me how
to use this fancy gadget of yours.Copy !req
1623. And don't worry, I've called some friends
to make sure we're not disturbed.Copy !req
1624. Sorry to bother, madam,
but there's something you need to see.Copy !req
1625. We're getting indications of an unsanctioned
Time Ripper activating on Earth-10005.Copy !req
1626. Whose district is that?Copy !req
1627. Paradox.Copy !req
1628. Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.Copy !req
1629. God. Good to get out of that head.Copy !req
1630. What a mess!Copy !req
1631. Stop!Copy !req
1632. Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear.Copy !req
1633. Go, go, go!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
1634. - Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.Copy !req
1635. It's her!Copy !req
1636. Come on, girl!Copy !req
1637. Come on, girl!Copy !req
1638. That's my girl!Copy !req
1639. We don't have to be apart ever, ever again.
Never, ever...Copy !req
1640. - Sorry!
- Fuck!Copy !req
1641. What's Café Gratitude doing here?Copy !req
1642. Sorry about that.Copy !req
1643. Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.
I'll handle him.Copy !req
1644. Come here, girl.
Papa's here.Copy !req
1645. Hey, do not insult
this animal's autonomy.Copy !req
1646. She can decide who her papa is.Copy !req
1647. What's it gonna be, girl, huh?Copy !req
1648. Original recipe or Van Milder here?Copy !req
1649. That's funny.
I can gently tap the fourth wall too.Copy !req
1650. The Proposal.Copy !req
1651. The fuck was that?Copy !req
1652. - Bitch, you think that's what I do?
- Both of you shut up.Copy !req
1653. You smell somethin'?Copy !req
1654. Yeah, you.Copy !req
1655. A lot of you.Copy !req
1656. Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.Copy !req
1657. That's bad.Copy !req
1658. I take it they're not friendly.Copy !req
1659. Goodness, no.Copy !req
1660. Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.Copy !req
1661. Cause of death,
one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools.Copy !req
1662. They're dumb.Copy !req
1663. But they can fight.
Not me, though.Copy !req
1664. Would love to get in the mix
but I have low bone density...Copy !req
1665. and I have to keep my face safe.Copy !req
1666. - Hold, please.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
1667. All right. Look.Copy !req
1668. Guys!Copy !req
1669. Deadpool Prime here.Copy !req
1670. - Our fight isn't with you...
- Hey!Copy !req
1671. When I want your opinion,
I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth.Copy !req
1672. That's Kidpool.
She's the dirtiest.Copy !req
1673. Can we just be done?Copy !req
1674. We're just getting started.Copy !req
1675. No, no, no. With the whole multiverse thing.Copy !req
1676. It's not great.Copy !req
1677. It's just been miss...Copy !req
1678. after miss...Copy !req
1679. after miss.Copy !req
1680. Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first...Copy !req
1681. and they did it best.
The gays knew it.Copy !req
1682. But we didn't listen.Copy !req
1683. Let's just take the I and move on.Copy !req
1684. I think it's been steadily great
since Endgame.Copy !req
1685. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1686. The multiverse is over.Copy !req
1687. Cassandy gonna destroy
the fuck outta every timeline.Copy !req
1688. - Y'all can't do shit about it.
- Do you not get it?Copy !req
1689. If we don't go down to the subway
and stop her, we all die.Copy !req
1690. Say, the boss lady don't want
no disturbances.Copy !req
1691. You wanna get down to the subway,
you gotta go through us.Copy !req
1692. Uzi time, baby.Copy !req
1693. Uzi time, baby.Copy !req
1694. Look alive!Copy !req
1695. - I think I'm hit.
- No shit.Copy !req
1696. You did that on purpose.Copy !req
1697. I did no such thing!Copy !req
1698. Listen to me, gorgeous.Copy !req
1699. How long does it take for you to regenerate?Copy !req
1700. Regenerate?Copy !req
1701. You really are God's perfect idiot,
aren't you?Copy !req
1702. - I'm okay.
- How dare you!Copy !req
1703. You insensitive son of a bitch!Copy !req
1704. How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?Copy !req
1705. I'm not a medicine woman.Copy !req
1706. Look. A donut cart.Copy !req
1707. - They're practically hospitals.
- What?Copy !req
1708. - They sell portable triage units.
- They don't.Copy !req
1709. - I'm gonna get you to safety.
- He's not.Copy !req
1710. Deep breath.Copy !req
1711. Hey, why are we stopping?Copy !req
1712. I'm just catching my breath.Copy !req
1713. What, are your legs on vacation?
You're dead weight!Copy !req
1714. That's because I'm paralyzed.Copy !req
1715. We all have problems.
Listen to me.Copy !req
1716. You're gonna live.Copy !req
1717. Look at me, Nicepool.Copy !req
1718. You're gonna live.Copy !req
1719. Say it!Copy !req
1720. I'm gonna live.Copy !req
1721. Say it with me.
You're gonna live.Copy !req
1722. I'm gonna live!Copy !req
1723. Say it louder!Copy !req
1724. I'm gonna live...Copy !req
1725. Hold your fire!Copy !req
1726. Sweet little puppy.Copy !req
1727. God damn it!
I don't think he's gonna make it.Copy !req
1728. God, he loved his face.Copy !req
1729. I can taste his final thought.Copy !req
1730. He was so afraid.Copy !req
1731. But he died a hero.Copy !req
1732. He died from murder, you dumb fuck.Copy !req
1733. And all I have to remember him by...Copy !req
1734. are these two gold-plated,
50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros.Copy !req
1735. This is for him.Copy !req
1736. Are you ready?Copy !req
1737. I get to kill a hundred yous?Copy !req
1738. Fuck yeah, I'm ready.Copy !req
1739. Hey, you don't want to see this, bub.Copy !req
1740. That's a good girl.Copy !req
1741. Holy shit.Copy !req
1742. You save the good stuff
for special occasions?Copy !req
1743. Killing mostly.Copy !req
1744. What's the wind resistance
on those blowjob handles?Copy !req
1745. I'm sorry.
I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous.Copy !req
1746. All right, let's do this.Copy !req
1747. Maximum effort.Copy !req
1748. You're dead.Copy !req
1749. Motherfucker.Copy !req
1750. I wish I were deaf.Copy !req
1751. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.Copy !req
1752. I don't wanna...Copy !req
1753. Come on.Copy !req
1754. I blew it.Copy !req
1755. After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember...Copy !req
1756. is that God awful dismount!Copy !req
1757. What you laughing at,
you little fucker?Copy !req
1758. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1759. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1760. I guess these ones regenerate.Copy !req
1761. Come on. We don't have time for this.Copy !req
1762. Deadpools!Copy !req
1763. Stand down.Copy !req
1764. This Deadpool's with me.Copy !req
1765. Oh, no.Copy !req
1766. Holy shit.Copy !req
1767. That's fuckin' Peter!Copy !req
1768. Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?Copy !req
1769. You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter.Copy !req
1770. Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend
in every Deadpool's world.Copy !req
1771. Peter-san.Copy !req
1772. Peter. Peter. Peter.Copy !req
1773. Enjoy my Peter.Copy !req
1774. Oh, now you're here.
Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over.Copy !req
1775. Not yet, it's not.Copy !req
1776. Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close.Copy !req
1777. Homestretch, folks. Promise.Copy !req
1778. Quick, let's up the stakes.Copy !req
1779. If she steals the Time Ripper's energy...Copy !req
1780. she has the power to
shred the fabric of all realities...Copy !req
1781. until there is nothing left but The Void.Copy !req
1782. How do we shut it down?Copy !req
1783. I don't know.Copy !req
1784. How about now?Copy !req
1785. The mask is really intimidating, huh?Copy !req
1786. It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.Copy !req
1787. Okay, look, look, look.Copy !req
1788. The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.Copy !req
1789. It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter
feeds converging inside the device.Copy !req
1790. Now, Cassandra Nova...Copy !req
1791. is redirecting the Ripper's power
to eliminate all timelines...Copy !req
1792. starting with this one.Copy !req
1793. Theoretically, you could stop her...Copy !req
1794. by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.Copy !req
1795. One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds...Copy !req
1796. then the released power
would destroy the machine.Copy !req
1797. - But, well, but...
- Come on, man.Copy !req
1798. If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out.Copy !req
1799. Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.Copy !req
1800. - I could live with that.
- Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually.Copy !req
1801. You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.Copy !req
1802. Not this time.Copy !req
1803. This is matter and anti-matter.Copy !req
1804. They do not play nicely with each other.Copy !req
1805. When they mix in your body
you will be atomized.Copy !req
1806. Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.Copy !req
1807. Even if you lived long enough to
make the circuit...Copy !req
1808. you will die down there.Copy !req
1809. Hold off. Hold.Copy !req
1810. You heard that asshole upstairs.Copy !req
1811. Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.Copy !req
1812. That's why it's got to be me.Copy !req
1813. What?Copy !req
1814. Look, man...Copy !req
1815. you didn't ask for any of this.Copy !req
1816. You were right.Copy !req
1817. I lied.Copy !req
1818. I lied right to your face...Copy !req
1819. just to get you to help me. And you did.Copy !req
1820. You didn't lie.Copy !req
1821. You made an educated wish.Copy !req
1822. Come on.Copy !req
1823. You got a whole world to go back to.Copy !req
1824. I got nothin'.Copy !req
1825. I got nothin'.Copy !req
1826. Give me this.Copy !req
1827. Hey.Copy !req
1828. I waited a long time for this team up.Copy !req
1829. You know something?Copy !req
1830. You were the best Wolverine.Copy !req
1831. Say hi to your friends for me.Copy !req
1832. No!Copy !req
1833. Open the door!Copy !req
1834. I can't hear you over all the
noble sacrifice.Copy !req
1835. Why are you fucking doing this?Copy !req
1836. Because I'm Marvel Jesus.Copy !req
1837. Or Spock.Copy !req
1838. Hard to say.Copy !req
1839. Wade!Copy !req
1840. You fucking idiot!Copy !req
1841. Sorry, I'm just stalling.Copy !req
1842. I think I'm nervous about dying.Copy !req
1843. This should be me.Copy !req
1844. Say hi to my friends for me, peanut.Copy !req
1845. Wade!Copy !req
1846. You want to be an annoying prick,
do it this side!Copy !req
1847. You're gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!Copy !req
1848. Hey! You don't need to do this.Copy !req
1849. I'm not doing it 'cause I need it.Copy !req
1850. I'm doing it because they do.Copy !req
1851. No!Copy !req
1852. He's not gonna make it.Copy !req
1853. It's over.Copy !req
1854. The Wolverine.Copy !req
1855. He's a hero in my world.Copy !req
1856. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.Copy !req
1857. You were always the wrong guy...Copy !req
1858. till you weren't.Copy !req
1859. Wade.Copy !req
1860. Wade. You can finally, finally, matter.Copy !req
1861. Vanessa.Copy !req
1862. I wanna see Vanessa.Copy !req
1863. For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.Copy !req
1864. It means I'm an X-Man.Copy !req
1865. I am the X-Man.Copy !req
1866. Paradox.Copy !req
1867. You've been busy.Copy !req
1868. Well, somebody had to be.Copy !req
1869. We had some
strange readings from this location.Copy !req
1870. You wouldn't know anything about an
unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you?Copy !req
1871. No. No. I wouldn't know anything about an
unsanctioned Time Ripper.Copy !req
1872. Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova.Copy !req
1873. Because I was assured...Copy !req
1874. that she was safely held in The Void.
But no...Copy !req
1875. she was here.
And she fondled my brain.Copy !req
1876. How did you let this happen?Copy !req
1877. You weren't involved at all?Copy !req
1878. In stopping her, yes!
Yes. I was.Copy !req
1879. But, not nearly enough.Copy !req
1880. Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.Copy !req
1881. My men.Copy !req
1882. My friends.Copy !req
1883. I warned them.Copy !req
1884. That they would be completely obliterated
if they went. But they went anyway. Like...Copy !req
1885. Like heroes.Copy !req
1886. Because that's who they were.Copy !req
1887. They just did what they had to do.Copy !req
1888. With no concern for their own safety.Copy !req
1889. The fact that we are all still standing here
is a testament to their heroism.Copy !req
1890. Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do
to bring them back now.Copy !req
1891. He has risen, baby girl.Copy !req
1892. Fuck!Copy !req
1893. Found your new Anchor Being.Copy !req
1894. And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit.Copy !req
1895. Mm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1896. Fine indeed.Copy !req
1897. All right. Put your greasy tits away,
you preening slut.Copy !req
1898. I don't understand.Copy !req
1899. How are you two still alive?Copy !req
1900. You were right.
One of us would have been killed.Copy !req
1901. But you put
a Deadpool and a Wolverine together...Copy !req
1902. make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...Copy !req
1903. indestructible, motherfucker.Copy !req
1904. Let's get this Deadpool Variant
back to The Void.Copy !req
1905. - Wait, hold on. What?
- Nope. Actually...Copy !req
1906. This one's homegrown, like me.Copy !req
1907. He belongs here.Copy !req
1908. And you are?Copy !req
1909. Peterpool. But you can call me Peter.Copy !req
1910. And I hope that you do.Copy !req
1911. What the fuck is happening here?Copy !req
1912. You are under judgment...Copy !req
1913. for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper.Copy !req
1914. - Take him.
- I was just doing what...Copy !req
1915. you don't have the guts to do.Copy !req
1916. Get your insolent hands off me!Copy !req
1917. Get off!Copy !req
1918. I'm grateful, gentlemen.Copy !req
1919. Let's hold the bows.Copy !req
1920. You led an
Omega-level mutant to this timeline.Copy !req
1921. - You're welcome.
- And you...Copy !req
1922. - shouldn't even be near this timeline.
- He's welcome.Copy !req
1923. And you look damn good in that suit.Copy !req
1924. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1925. I wanna show you something.
Something huge.Copy !req
1926. That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.Copy !req
1927. Do you see that?Copy !req
1928. Your universe is regenerating.Copy !req
1929. Whatever you did here...Copy !req
1930. you not only saved your world.Copy !req
1931. You spared your timeline from extinction.Copy !req
1932. I'd rest up.Copy !req
1933. I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.Copy !req
1934. Till you're 90.Copy !req
1935. Wait!Copy !req
1936. We couldn't have made it out of The Void
without some help...Copy !req
1937. from some people that the world
kind of forgot.Copy !req
1938. Is there any way that you could maybe find
a way to bring them home?Copy !req
1939. I'll see what I can do.Copy !req
1940. And I promised my friend here...Copy !req
1941. that the TVA could undo some
pretty awful shit in his timeline.Copy !req
1942. What would you say to that?Copy !req
1943. Change the past?Copy !req
1944. Well, he did help me save the world.Copy !req
1945. And his past made him the man who did it.Copy !req
1946. There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
1947. Logan.Copy !req
1948. Shawarma?Copy !req
1949. - I could eat.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1950. You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma.Copy !req
1951. They'd be lucky to have you.Copy !req
1952. - Oh.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
1953. Fuck off!Copy !req
1954. Come here, my little cunchkin.
Yes, it's you. You're a survivor.Copy !req
1955. Oh, all is right in the world.Copy !req
1956. Yes, it is.Copy !req
1957. So what are you gonna do next?Copy !req
1958. I'll figure it out. I always do.Copy !req
1959. All right.Copy !req
1960. So I'll probably see you around?Copy !req
1961. Probably not.Copy !req
1962. See you, bub.Copy !req
1963. Logan.Copy !req
1964. Al. I'm back.Copy !req
1965. About damn time.Copy !req
1966. You holdin'?Copy !req
1967. I'm all outta devil's dandruff...Copy !req
1968. - and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator.
- Thank you, Al.Copy !req
1969. We have company.Copy !req
1970. Althea, this is...Copy !req
1971. This is Logan.Copy !req
1972. Nice to meet you, Logan.Copy !req
1973. Nice to meet you, too.Copy !req
1974. And this little ancient anal shit-knot is
Mary Puppins.Copy !req
1975. Or as I like to call her, Dogpool.Copy !req
1976. You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?Copy !req
1977. - Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!Copy !req
1978. Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily...Copy !req
1979. in a bed of gonorrhea...Copy !req
1980. - Wow.
- ... and didn't stop till the sun came up.Copy !req
1981. Everyone wants to matter.Copy !req
1982. Turns out that
you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it.Copy !req
1983. You just need to
open your eyes and look around.Copy !req
1984. And if you're lucky...Copy !req
1985. you'll find a few friends.Copy !req
1986. Old friends...Copy !req
1987. and some new ones too.Copy !req
1988. Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl.Copy !req
1989. Well, hi.Copy !req
1990. Hi.Copy !req
1991. You've been busy.Copy !req
1992. I did it for you.Copy !req
1993. And even if you don't want me,
I did it for you.Copy !req
1994. It turns out...Copy !req
1995. I am the world-saving type.Copy !req
1996. Just look around this table
if you want proof.Copy !req
1997. And the best part?Copy !req
1998. Sometimes the people we save...Copy !req
1999. well, they save us right back.Copy !req
2000. You're not the only one with gifts.Copy !req
2001. What is this place?Copy !req
2002. Nice suit.Copy !req
2003. Zip it, Stan Lee.Copy !req
2004. I really like the,
the art in the Deadpool comics.Copy !req
2005. You know, I just always felt a
kind of a kinship to him.Copy !req
2006. And I just thought,
I'd like to play that guy someday.Copy !req
2007. I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.Copy !req
2008. At our first day of shooting...Copy !req
2009. I was so nervous, man.Copy !req
2010. Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"Copy !req
2011. You know, there was a lot of that and...Copy !req
2012. you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?"
You can feel all that kind of pressure.Copy !req
2013. It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.Copy !req
2014. - This is...
- The only way.Copy !req
2015. So this is what it feels like.Copy !req
2016. And there's the lights.Copy !req
2017. For medical research.Copy !req
2018. - Bye-bye, video.
- Bye.Copy !req
2019. I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors
that I got Johnny killed.Copy !req
2020. Let's look at the tape.Copy !req
2021. In The Void...Copy !req
2022. you're either food for Alioth...Copy !req
2023. or you work for her.Copy !req
2024. Go on, Johnny.Copy !req
2025. And I'll tell you who "her" is.Copy !req
2026. Cassandra Nova.Copy !req
2027. A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole.Copy !req
2028. A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab of
third rate dime-store nut-milk.Copy !req
2029. - And I'll tell you what she can do.
- I'm listening.Copy !req
2030. She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean
and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.Copy !req
2031. In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes
all my skin and...Copy !req
2032. pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon.Copy !req
2033. If the last thing I do in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence...Copy !req
2034. is light that fuck-box on fire,
I still won't die happy.Copy !req
2035. Holy shit, girl. You crazy.Copy !req
2036. That's right, Wade.
I won't be happy until...Copy !req
2037. I've urinated on her freshly barbecued corpse
and husk-fucked the charred remains...Copy !req
2038. while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts.Copy !req
2039. - Wow!
- And you can quote me.Copy !req
2040. 'Kay.Copy !req
2041. Got you, fuckface.Copy !req