1. Kinda lonesome back here.Copy !req
2. Yeah, little help.Copy !req
3. Okay, um, just, I have to keep
my hands on the wheel.Copy !req
4. Excuse me. Whoo!Copy !req
5. Ah, Dopinder.Copy !req
6. Pool. Dead.Copy !req
7. Hmm, nice.Copy !req
8. Smells good, no?Copy !req
9. Not the Daffodil Daydream.
The girl.Copy !req
10. Ah, yes. Gita.Copy !req
11. Hmm.
She is quite lovely.Copy !req
12. She would have made me
a very agreeable wife.Copy !req
13. But, um...Copy !req
14. Gita's heart has been stolen
by my cousin Bandhu.Copy !req
15. He is as dishonorable
as he is attractive.Copy !req
16. Dopinder, I'm starting to thinkCopy !req
17. there's a reason
I'm in this cab today.Copy !req
18. Yeah, sir, you called for it,
remember?Copy !req
19. No, my slender brown friend.
Love is a beautiful thing.Copy !req
20. When you find it,
the whole worldCopy !req
21. tastes like Daffodil Daydream.Copy !req
22. So you gotta hold onto love...Copy !req
23. tight!
Ah.Copy !req
24. And never let go.Copy !req
25. Don't make
the same mistakes I did.Copy !req
26. Got it?
Yeah.Copy !req
27. Or else the whole world tastes
like Mama June after hot yoga.Copy !req
28. Sir, what does
Miss Mama June taste like?Copy !req
29. Like two hobos fucking in a shoe
filled with piss. Okay, enough.Copy !req
30. I can go all day, Dopinder.
The point is, it's bad!Copy !req
31. Hmm, it's bad.Copy !req
32. Uh, why the fancy
red suit, Mr. Pool?Copy !req
33. Oh, that's because
it's Christmas Day, Dopinder.Copy !req
34. And I'm after someone
on my naughty list.Copy !req
35. I've been waiting one year,
three weeks...Copy !req
36. six days and, oh...Copy !req
37. 14 minutes to make him fix
what he did to me.Copy !req
38. And what did he do
to you, Mr. Pool?Copy !req
39. This shit...Copy !req
40. Boo!Copy !req
41. They won't disappoint.Copy !req
42. They'd better not.Copy !req
43. And what about
next month's shipment?Copy !req
44. There won't be one.Copy !req
45. You're not the only one
with a war to win.Copy !req
46. That won't do.Copy !req
47. See, we've had
this small disruptionCopy !req
48. to our supply chain...Copy !req
49. We'd appreciate your patience.Copy !req
50. Okay.Copy !req
51. We'll deliver in full
the following month.Copy !req
52. Pleasure doing
business with you.Copy !req
53. Fucking mutant.Copy !req
54. Oh, shit!Copy !req
55. I forgot my ammo bag.Copy !req
56. Shall we turn back?Copy !req
57. No, no time.Copy !req
58. Fuck it. I got this.Copy !req
59. 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets,
or bust.Copy !req
60. Right here!Copy !req
61. That's, uh, $27.50.Copy !req
62. I... I never carry a wallet
when I'm working.Copy !req
63. Ruins the lines
of my suit.Copy !req
64. Oh.
But, uh,Copy !req
65. how about
a crisp high five?Copy !req
66. Okay.Copy !req
67. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
68. And a convivial Tuesday
in April to you too, Pool!Copy !req
69. Wha... Oh!Copy !req
70. Oh, hello. I know, right?Copy !req
71. Whose balls
did I have to fondleCopy !req
72. to get my very own movie?Copy !req
73. I can't tell you,Copy !req
74. but it does rhyme
with "Polverine."Copy !req
75. And let me tell you,Copy !req
76. he's got a nice pair of
smooth criminals down under.Copy !req
77. Anyway, I got places to be,
a face to fix and, oh...Copy !req
78. Bad guys to kill.Copy !req
79. Maximum effort.Copy !req
80. Cock shot.Copy !req
81. Ha!Copy !req
82. Rich Corinthian leather.Copy !req
83. I'm looking for Francis!Copy !req
84. Have you seen this man?Copy !req
85. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.Copy !req
86. Ow. Ow!Copy !req
87. Yanky, yanky!Copy !req
88. I've never said this,
but don't swallow.Copy !req
89. Shit.Copy !req
90. Did I leave the stove on?Copy !req
91. Now, breaking news.Copy !req
92. A multi-car collision
turned shots firedCopy !req
93. on the crosstown expressway
this morning.Copy !req
94. Gridlock has kept
police from the scene.Copy !req
95. Residents are advised
to remain in their homes.Copy !req
96. The assailant
appears to be armed,Copy !req
97. dangerous, and wearing...Copy !req
98. a red suit.
A red suit.Copy !req
99. Deadpool.Copy !req
100. Negasonic!
Come, we have mission.Copy !req
101. Colossus, wait up.Copy !req
102. I've given Deadpool
every chance to join us...Copy !req
103. but he'd rather
act like a child.Copy !req
104. A heavily-armed child.Copy !req
105. When will he grow up and see
benefits of becoming X-Man?Copy !req
106. Which benefits?
The matching unitards?Copy !req
107. The house that blows up
every few years?Copy !req
108. Please.Copy !req
109. House blowing up
builds character.Copy !req
110. You ate breakfast, yes?Copy !req
111. Breakfast is most
important meal of day.Copy !req
112. Here, protein bar.
Good for bones.Copy !req
113. Deadpool may try
to break yours.Copy !req
114. Get out of the way!Copy !req
115. Hey! Whoo!Copy !req
116. Wait!Copy !req
117. You may be wondering,
"Why the red suit?"Copy !req
118. Well, that's so bad guys
can't see me bleed.Copy !req
119. This guy's got the right idea.Copy !req
120. He wore the brown pants.Copy !req
121. Fine!
I only have 12 bullets...Copy !req
122. so you're gonna
have to share!Copy !req
123. Let's count them down.Copy !req
124. Shit.Copy !req
125. Motherfucker!Copy !req
126. 10! Shit!Copy !req
127. Nine. Fuck.Copy !req
128. Eight.Copy !req
129. Shit-fuck!Copy !req
130. Bad Deadpool.Copy !req
131. Seven.
Good Deadpool.Copy !req
132. Oh!Copy !req
133. Someone's not counting. Six.Copy !req
134. Oh!Copy !req
135. Four...Copy !req
136. Gotcha.Copy !req
137. Right up main street.Copy !req
138. Three, two!Copy !req
139. Stupid! Worth it.Copy !req
140. Ah!Copy !req
141. I'm touching myself tonight.Copy !req
142. Francis!Copy !req
143. Francis...Copy !req
144. What the shit-biscuit!Copy !req
145. Where you at,
Francis?Copy !req
146. You're not Francis.Copy !req
147. Really?
Rolling up the sleeves?Copy !req
148. You're
probably thinking,Copy !req
149. "My boyfriend said
this was a superhero movie...Copy !req
150. "but that guy in the red suit
just turnedCopy !req
151. "that other guy
into a fucking kabab!"Copy !req
152. Well, I may be super,
but I'm no hero.Copy !req
153. And yeah, technically,
this is a murder.Copy !req
154. But some of the best love
stories start with a murder.Copy !req
155. And that's exactly
what this is, a love story.Copy !req
156. And to tell it right...Copy !req
157. I gotta take you back
to long beforeCopy !req
158. I squeezed this ass
into red spandex.Copy !req
159. Look, would it help
if I slow it down for you?Copy !req
160. I didn't order the pizza.Copy !req
161. Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive?
Are you Mr. Merchant?Copy !req
162. Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who
didn't order the fucking pie!Copy !req
163. Then who placed the call?Copy !req
164. I did!Copy !req
165. Pineapple and olive?Copy !req
166. Sweet and salty.Copy !req
167. The fuck are you?Copy !req
168. The fuck you doing
in my crib...Copy !req
169. Is it burnt crust?Copy !req
170. I... God,
I hope not. Um...Copy !req
171. Whoa... Man, look,
if this is about that poker game.Copy !req
172. I told Howie,
I told him that...Copy !req
173. Okay, uh, look,
just take whatever you want.Copy !req
174. Thanks.Copy !req
175. Sir, before you do
anything to him,Copy !req
176. do you mind
if I get a big tip?Copy !req
177. Uh, Jeremy, is it?Copy !req
178. Umm-hmm.
Wade. Wade Wilson.Copy !req
179. That is a no go
on the tiperoo, Jer.Copy !req
180. I'm not here for him.Copy !req
181. I'm here for you.Copy !req
182. Oh.Copy !req
183. Okay, wow, dodged
a big-time bullet on that one.Copy !req
184. Not out of the woods yet.Copy !req
185. You need to seriously ease up
on the bedazzling.Copy !req
186. They're jeans,
not a chandelier.Copy !req
187. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet.
You did kinda give it to me.Copy !req
188. Okay, just look, man,
can I have my Sam's card...Copy !req
189. I will shoot your fucking cat!Copy !req
190. I don't really know what that means.
I don't have a cat.Copy !req
191. Then whose kitty litter
did I just shit in?Copy !req
192. Anyhoo, tell me something...Copy !req
193. what situation
isn't improved by pizza?Copy !req
194. Do you happen to know
a Meghan Orflosky?Copy !req
195. Getting that right?
Orflosky?Copy !req
196. Orlovsky? Yeah? Good.Copy !req
197. Because she knows you.Copy !req
198. Jeremy, I belong
to a group of guysCopy !req
199. who take a dime
to beat a fella down.Copy !req
200. And little Meghan,
she's not made of money,Copy !req
201. but lucky for her...Copy !req
202. I got a soft spot.Copy !req
203. But I'm a...
A stalker.Copy !req
204. Threats hurt, Jer.Copy !req
205. Though not nearly as badly
as serrated steel.Copy !req
206. So keep away
from Meghan.Copy !req
207. Cool?Copy !req
208. Yes, sir.Copy !req
209. Then we're done.Copy !req
210. Wait.
We are?Copy !req
211. Yeah. We're totally done.Copy !req
212. You should've
seen your face.Copy !req
213. I didn't know what to do.
I was so scared.Copy !req
214. Soft spot, remember?Copy !req
215. You even look in her
general direction again...Copy !req
216. and you will learn
in the worst of waysCopy !req
217. that I have
some hard spots too.Copy !req
218. That came out wrong.Copy !req
219. Or did it?Copy !req
220. Mmm... Meghan?Copy !req
221. You've heard the last
of Jeremy. He's sorry.Copy !req
222. No friggin' way.Copy !req
223. Should've brought
my roller blades.Copy !req
224. Show these kids
how it's done.Copy !req
225. Oh. And that's why we do it.
But mostly the money.Copy !req
226. Hey, think you could
fuck up my step-dad?Copy !req
227. I give a guy
a pavement facial,Copy !req
228. it's because he's earned it.Copy !req
229. Hey, wait!Copy !req
230. You're my hero.Copy !req
231. No-no-no-no.
That I ain't!Copy !req
232. Nope. Never will be.Copy !req
233. Oh. Fuck you, Wade.Copy !req
234. I'm just a bad guy who gets
paid to fuck up worse guys.Copy !req
235. Welcome to Sister Margaret's.Copy !req
236. It's like a job fair
for mercenaries.Copy !req
237. Think of us as really
fucked up tooth fairies...Copy !req
238. except we knock out the teeth
and take the cash.Copy !req
239. You'd best hope we never see
your name on a gold card.Copy !req
240. Buck! Liefeld...Copy !req
241. Hey, Wade!Copy !req
242. Wade Wilson,
patron saint of the pitiful.Copy !req
243. What can I do for you?Copy !req
244. I'd love a Blow Job.Copy !req
245. Oh, God, me too.Copy !req
246. The drink, moose knuckle.
But first...Copy !req
247. Hey, and I ain't taking
any babysitting money, all right?Copy !req
248. Make sure
that gets back to Ms...Copy !req
249. Orlovsky.Copy !req
250. Yeah, her.Copy !req
251. You sure?
Hmm.Copy !req
252. You know, for a merc,
you're pretty warm-blooded.Copy !req
253. I bet you let
the kid off easy, too.Copy !req
254. Oh, he's not a bad kid, Weas.Copy !req
255. Just a little light stalking.Copy !req
256. I was way worse than him
when I was his age.Copy !req
257. I was traveling
to exotic places...Copy !req
258. Baghdad, Mogadishu,
Jacksonville,Copy !req
259. meeting new and exciting
people. And then, uh...Copy !req
260. Killing them. Yeah,
I've seen your Instagram.Copy !req
261. So what was Special Forces doing
in Jacksonville, anyway?Copy !req
262. That's classified.Copy !req
263. They have
a wonderful TGI Fridays.Copy !req
264. All right,
Kahlua, Baileys and...Copy !req
265. whipped cream.Copy !req
266. I give you a Blow Job.Copy !req
267. Why do you
make me make that?Copy !req
268. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...Copy !req
269. Take that over
to Buck please,Copy !req
270. and tell him it's from Boothe.
Little foreplay.Copy !req
271. Remind me what good
will come of this?Copy !req
272. I don't take the shits.
I just disturb them.Copy !req
273. Boothe!
Oh!Copy !req
274. Easy, man.
Hold up! Hold up!Copy !req
275. What you want?Copy !req
276. - Cheers. To your health.
- Fuck you.Copy !req
277. Come here,
you fat fuck!Copy !req
278. That's a new stool.Copy !req
279. Stay the fuck down.Copy !req
280. Whoa! Took his ass out!Copy !req
281. All right, move.
Move, move, move.Copy !req
282. Buck, go rest.Copy !req
283. Boothe got hit
then went down.Copy !req
284. Yeah, he's still breathing.Copy !req
285. Nobody wins today.Copy !req
286. Nice try, Wade.Copy !req
287. You got me.
I picked Boothe in the dead pool.Copy !req
288. Who did you pick?Copy !req
289. Yeah, Wade,
about that, um...Copy !req
290. No.Copy !req
291. You did not bet
on me to die.Copy !req
292. You bet on me to die. Wow!Copy !req
293. Motherfucker, you're
the world's worst friend.Copy !req
294. Well, joke's on you.
I'm living to 102.Copy !req
295. And then dying.
Like the city of Detroit.Copy !req
296. I'm sorry. I just...
I wanted to win money.Copy !req
297. I never win anything.Copy !req
298. Whatever.Copy !req
299. Soldiers of fortune,
drinks on me!Copy !req
300. Domestic, nothing imported.Copy !req
301. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa...Copy !req
302. Baby, are you sure you wanna
shoot your whole wad?Copy !req
303. Uh... Tight.Copy !req
304. Vanessa.
Wade.Copy !req
305. What's a nice place like you
doing in a girl like this?Copy !req
306. I'd hit that.Copy !req
307. Buck, you best
apologize before...Copy !req
308. Yeah, that.Copy !req
309. Say the magic words,
Fat Gandalf.Copy !req
310. I'm sorry.
Breathe through the nose.Copy !req
311. I don't have a filter
between my brain and my...Copy !req
312. Let go. Okay.
Hey, oh, oh, oh...Copy !req
313. Hakuna his tatas.
He's sorry.Copy !req
314. I'm working on it.Copy !req
315. Get out of here.
Go. Go cast a spell.Copy !req
316. Hey. Hands off
the merchandise.Copy !req
317. Merchandise? Huh...Copy !req
318. So you, uh...Copy !req
319. bump fuzzies for money?Copy !req
320. Yep.
Rough childhood?Copy !req
321. Rougher than yours.Copy !req
322. Daddy left before
I was born.Copy !req
323. Daddy left before
I was conceived.Copy !req
324. Ever had a cigarette
put out on your skin?Copy !req
325. Where else do you
put one out?Copy !req
326. I was molested.Copy !req
327. Me too. Uncle.Copy !req
328. Uncles. They took turns.Copy !req
329. I watched my own
birthday partyCopy !req
330. through the keyhole
of a locked closet...Copy !req
331. which also happens to be my...Copy !req
332. Your bedroom. Lucky.
I slept in a dishwasher box.Copy !req
333. You had a dishwasher.Copy !req
334. I didn't even know sleep.Copy !req
335. It was pretty much
24/7 ball gags,Copy !req
336. brownie mix and clown porn.Copy !req
337. Who would do such a thing?Copy !req
338. Hopefully you, later tonight?Copy !req
339. Hey, what can I get for,
uh, $275 and a...Copy !req
340. a Yogurtland rewards card?Copy !req
341. Baby, about 48 minutes of
whatever the fuck you want.Copy !req
342. And a low-fat dessert.Copy !req
343. Did she just put a gift card
in your mouth?Copy !req
344. It's time to put
balls in holes.Copy !req
345. You said whatever I want.Copy !req
346. I get it.Copy !req
347. You love skee ball.Copy !req
348. Apparently more than
you love vagina.Copy !req
349. That's a tough call.Copy !req
350. I just wanna get to
know the real you, you know.Copy !req
351. Not the short-shorted,
two-dimensionalCopy !req
352. sex object
peddled by Hollywood.Copy !req
353. Balls in holes.Copy !req
354. Balls in holes.Copy !req
355. Prepare to lose tragically.Copy !req
356. Bring it, big man.Copy !req
357. Okay.Copy !req
358. Uh-oh.Copy !req
359. Uh-oh.Copy !req
360. The limited editionCopy !req
361. Defender of
the Universe ring, por favor.Copy !req
362. Okay. Here we go.Copy !req
363. Had my eye on
this sucker for a while.Copy !req
364. And I will take
the pencil eraser.Copy !req
365. Okay.Copy !req
366. You are now the protector
of the planet Arus.Copy !req
367. And you can erase stuff...Copy !req
368. written in pencil.Copy !req
369. M'lady?Copy !req
370. Well, I hate to
break it to you...Copy !req
371. but your 48 minutes
are up.Copy !req
372. Hey, how many more minutes
can I get for this?Copy !req
373. FYI, five mini lion-bots
come togetherCopy !req
374. to form one super-bot, so...Copy !req
375. Five mini lion-bots?
Three minutes.Copy !req
376. Deal.Copy !req
377. What do we do with the remaining
two minutes, 37 seconds?Copy !req
378. Cuddle?Copy !req
379. How long can you
keep this up?Copy !req
380. All year?Copy !req
381. Happy Valentine's Day.Copy !req
382. Happy Chinese New Year.Copy !req
383. Year of the Dog.Copy !req
384. Relax.Copy !req
385. And Happy
International Women's Day.Copy !req
386. No. No. No.Copy !req
387. Happy Lent.Copy !req
388. Ow, ow.Copy !req
389. Wade?
Sorry.Copy !req
390. Happy Halloween.Copy !req
391. Happy Halloween.Copy !req
392. Happy Thanksgiving.Copy !req
393. I love you.Copy !req
394. If your left leg
is Thanksgiving...Copy !req
395. and your right leg
is Christmas...Copy !req
396. can I visit you
between the holidays?Copy !req
397. Oh!Copy !req
398. That sweater is terrible.Copy !req
399. But red looks good on you.Copy !req
400. Red's your color.Copy !req
401. Brings out the bloodshot
in your eyes.Copy !req
402. Listen,
I've been thinking...Copy !req
403. Really?Copy !req
404. about why we're
so good together.Copy !req
405. Why's that?Copy !req
406. Well, your crazy matches
my crazy. Big time.Copy !req
407. Hmm.Copy !req
408. And, uh, we're like
two jigsaw pieces,Copy !req
409. you know,
the weird curvy edges...Copy !req
410. You put them together and you
can see the picture on top.Copy !req
411. Right.Copy !req
412. Wade...Copy !req
413. there's something I've been
meaning to ask you.Copy !req
414. But only because you haven't
gotten around to asking me.Copy !req
415. Will you, uh...Copy !req
416. stick it in my...
Marry me?Copy !req
417. Uh... Jinx?Copy !req
418. Huh.Copy !req
419. Where were you
hiding that?Copy !req
420. Nowhere.Copy !req
421. They say one month's salary.
So, uh...Copy !req
422. You mean?Copy !req
423. I do.Copy !req
424. That's my line.Copy !req
425. I love you, Wade Wilson.Copy !req
426. You're supposed to...
So that's a...Copy !req
427. Yes!
Whoo!Copy !req
428. Yes!Copy !req
429. I feel just like
a little girl.Copy !req
430. What if I just held on
and never let go?Copy !req
431. Just ride a bitch's back,
like Yoda on Luke.Copy !req
432. Oh, Star Wars jokes.Copy !req
433. Empire.Copy !req
434. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
435. It's like I made you
in a computer.Copy !req
436. Mmm.Copy !req
437. Hey.Copy !req
438. Perfect.Copy !req
439. Let's see.
All right, wee break.Copy !req
440. Shake it, yeah.Copy !req
441. Here's the thing.Copy !req
442. Life is an endless series
of train-wrecks...Copy !req
443. with only brief,
commercial-like breaks of happiness.Copy !req
444. This had been the ultimate
commercial break.Copy !req
445. Which meant
it was time to returnCopy !req
446. to our regularly
scheduled program.Copy !req
447. What the...Copy !req
448. Oh, my God. Wade?Copy !req
449. You're clowning.Copy !req
450. You're not clowning?Copy !req
451. I sense clowns.Copy !req
452. People react to news of
late-stage cancer differently.Copy !req
453. There are certainly options
we can look into.Copy !req
454. New drugs are being
developed every day.Copy !req
455. So what do we do?Copy !req
456. Surely there is
something we can do.Copy !req
457. My uncle Ivan was diagnosed
with thyroid cancer...Copy !req
458. and there were all these new
experimental drugs from Germany.Copy !req
459. Vanessa's already
working on Plan A, B,Copy !req
460. all the way through Z.Copy !req
461. Me? I'm memorizing
the details of her face.Copy !req
462. Like it's the first time
I'm seeing it.Copy !req
463. Or the last.Copy !req
464. Mr. Wilson...Copy !req
465. Mr. Wilson?Copy !req
466. Take your time
to process this.Copy !req
467. It's important not to
do anything rash.Copy !req
468. Now, if I were
a 200-pound sackCopy !req
469. of assholes named Francis,
where would I hide?Copy !req
470. Oh.Copy !req
471. A hush falls
over the crowdCopy !req
472. as rookie sensation
Wade W. Wilson...Copy !req
473. out of Regina, Saskatchewan,
lines up the shot.Copy !req
474. His form looks good.Copy !req
475. Oh!Copy !req
476. And that's why Regina
rhymes with fun.Copy !req
477. Ladies and gentlemen,
what you're witnessing...Copy !req
478. is sweet dick-kicking revenge.Copy !req
479. Oh! Giving him the business.Copy !req
480. Incoming!Copy !req
481. This is taking unsportsmanlike
conduct to a whole new level!Copy !req
482. Looking good, Francis.
Well rested.Copy !req
483. Like you've been pitching,
not catching.Copy !req
484. Ringing any bells? No?Copy !req
485. How about now?Copy !req
486. Wade fucking Wilson.Copy !req
487. Well,
hello, gorgeous.Copy !req
488. Yeah, like I got bit
by a radioactive Shar-Pei.Copy !req
489. Yeah. And whose fault
is that, huh, Francis?Copy !req
490. Yeah, time to undo what
you did to this butterface.Copy !req
491. Please,
you should thank me.Copy !req
492. Apparently,
I made you immortal.Copy !req
493. I'm actually
quite jealous.Copy !req
494. Yeah, but this ain't
a life worth living, is it?Copy !req
495. Now, I'm about
to do to youCopy !req
496. what Limp Bizkit did to
music in the late 90s.Copy !req
497. Dad?Copy !req
498. I think we can all agree
that shit just went sidewaysCopy !req
499. in the most colossal way.Copy !req
500. Well, maybe not the most.Copy !req
501. Uh... This is
my most prized possession.Copy !req
502. Wham?Copy !req
503. No, no, no. Wham!Copy !req
504. Make It Big is the album that George
and Andy earned the exclamation point.Copy !req
505. So, am I supposed
to just smileCopy !req
506. and wave you out the door?Copy !req
507. Think of it like
spring cleaning.Copy !req
508. Only if spring
was death.Copy !req
509. God, if I had a nickel
for every timeCopy !req
510. I spanked it to
Bernadette Peters.Copy !req
511. Sounds like you do.Copy !req
512. Bernadette is not
going anywhere,Copy !req
513. because you're not
going anywhere.Copy !req
514. Drink.Copy !req
515. You're right.
Cancer is only in my liver,Copy !req
516. lungs, prostate, and brain.Copy !req
517. All things I can
live without.Copy !req
518. Ha.Copy !req
519. You belong here
at home.Copy !req
520. Surrounded by
your VoltronCopy !req
521. and your Bernadette,
and your me.Copy !req
522. Listen, we both know
that cancer is a shit-show.Copy !req
523. Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff-
opening-for-theCopy !req
524. Spin-Doctors-at-the-
Iowa-State-Fair shit-show.Copy !req
525. And under no circumstances
will I take you to that show.Copy !req
526. I want you to remember me.Copy !req
527. Not the ghost
of Christmas me.Copy !req
528. Well, I wanna remember us.Copy !req
529. I swear to God, I will
find you in the next life...Copy !req
530. and I'm gonna boom-box
Careless Whisper outside your window.Copy !req
531. Wham!Copy !req
532. No one is boom-boxing shit.
Okay?Copy !req
533. We can fight this.Copy !req
534. Besides, I just
realized something.Copy !req
535. You win.
Your life is officiallyCopy !req
536. way more fucked up
than mine.Copy !req
537. I love you.Copy !req
538. Wade.Copy !req
539. Weas.Copy !req
540. You look like you need
a Blow Job and a shower.Copy !req
541. Though courtesy calls
for the latter first.Copy !req
542. How about three shots
of Patron?Copy !req
543. Or how about Triticum aestivum,
wheatgrass.Copy !req
544. Excellent for
the immune system.Copy !req
545. Jesus Christ.
You sound like Vanessa.Copy !req
546. Here, check it out.Copy !req
547. She's sending away for all these
colorful clinic brochures.Copy !req
548. I'm sure they're
all FDA approved.Copy !req
549. Chechnya. Isn't that where
you go to get cancer?Copy !req
550. You got China
and Central Mexico.Copy !req
551. You know how they
say "cancer" in Spanish?Copy !req
552. No.Copy !req
553. El Cancer.
Oh.Copy !req
554. I could have
guessed that.Copy !req
555. Look how happy
you look here.Copy !req
556. Mind if I keep this?
Put it up,Copy !req
557. so I can remember
when you looked alive.Copy !req
558. At least now I'm gonna
win the dead pool.Copy !req
559. Now that you're gonna die
tragically of cancer.Copy !req
560. I got it, Weas. Thanks.Copy !req
561. Oh.Copy !req
562. And, uh, that guy over there
came in looking for you.Copy !req
563. Real Grim Reaper type.Copy !req
564. I don't know.
Might further the plot.Copy !req
565. Boothe.Copy !req
566. Wade.Copy !req
567. Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
568. How can I help you?Copy !req
569. Besides luring children
into a panel van.Copy !req
570. I understand you've recently
been diagnosed with terminal cancer.Copy !req
571. Stalker alert.Copy !req
572. It's my job.
Recruitment.Copy !req
573. I'm sorry you've had
such a tough go.Copy !req
574. But you're a fighter.
Special Forces.Copy !req
575. 41 confirmed kills.Copy !req
576. One every seven weeks.Copy !req
577. Same rate most folks
get a haircut. Hmm...Copy !req
578. It's to wash
the taste out.Copy !req
579. It's tough to forget
being so impressive.Copy !req
580. And now you
spend your daysCopy !req
581. sticking up for
the little people...Copy !req
582. People change.
What do you want?Copy !req
583. I represent an organization
that may be able to help.Copy !req
584. What if I told you
we can cure your cancer?Copy !req
585. And what's more, give you abilities
most men only dream of?Copy !req
586. I'd say that you sound
like an infomercial,Copy !req
587. but not a good one,
like Slap Chop.Copy !req
588. More Shake Weight-y.Copy !req
589. The world needs
extraordinary soldiers.Copy !req
590. We won't just
make you better.Copy !req
591. We will make you
better than better.Copy !req
592. A superhero.Copy !req
593. Look, Agent Smith,Copy !req
594. I tried the hero business
and it left a mark.Copy !req
595. But if I ever hit "fuck it,"
I'll look you up.Copy !req
596. Oh, um...Copy !req
597. Shit. We're within
500 yards of a school,Copy !req
598. so you may wanna...Copy !req
599. His drink's on him.Copy !req
600. What did he say?Copy !req
601. Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
602. Hey. Sorry.Copy !req
603. I had a Liam Neeson
nightmare.Copy !req
604. I dreamt I kidnapped
his daughterCopy !req
605. and he just
wasn't having it.Copy !req
606. Hey, uh, they've made
three of those movies.Copy !req
607. At some point you have
to wonder if he's just a bad parent.Copy !req
608. Hmm.Copy !req
609. The worst part about cancer
isn't what it does to you...Copy !req
610. but what it does to
the people you love.Copy !req
611. Who knew if this guy
could save my life...Copy !req
612. but I knew there was only one
way that I could save hers.Copy !req
613. Isn't that what
superheroes do?Copy !req
614. Okay. Let's pro-con
this superhero thing.Copy !req
615. Ow.Copy !req
616. They pull down
a gaggle of ass.Copy !req
617. Local dry cleaning discounts.Copy !req
618. Lucrative film deals,
both origin storiesCopy !req
619. and larger ensemble
team movies.Copy !req
620. They're all lame-ass
teacher's pets.Copy !req
621. You know,
I can hear you.Copy !req
622. I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to them.Copy !req
623. Stay right here.Copy !req
624. You've been
warned before, Deadpool.Copy !req
625. This is a shameful and
reckless use of your powers.Copy !req
626. You will both
be coming with us.Copy !req
627. Look, Colossus,
I don't have time forCopy !req
628. the goody two-shoes
bullshit right now!Copy !req
629. And you are?Copy !req
630. Negasonic Teenage Warhead.Copy !req
631. Negasonic Teenage...
What the shit?Copy !req
632. That's the coolest name ever!Copy !req
633. So, what, you're like,
uh, his sidekick?Copy !req
634. No. Trainee.Copy !req
635. Let me guess.Copy !req
636. X-Men left you behind
on what? Shit detail?Copy !req
637. What does that make you?Copy !req
638. Pretending you're not here,
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.Copy !req
639. Can we trade names?Copy !req
640. Can we go?Copy !req
641. Look!
I'm a teenage girl.Copy !req
642. I'd rather be
anywhere than here.Copy !req
643. I'm all about
long sullen silences...Copy !req
644. followed by mean comments,
followed by more silences.Copy !req
645. So what's it gonna be, huh?
Long sullen silence...Copy !req
646. or mean comment? Go on.Copy !req
647. You got me in a box here.Copy !req
648. Aha!Copy !req
649. We can't allow this,
Deadpool.Copy !req
650. Please, come quietly.Copy !req
651. You big chrome
cock-gobbler!Copy !req
652. That's not nice.Copy !req
653. You're really gonna
fuck this up for me?Copy !req
654. Trust me, that wheezing bag
of dick-tips has it coming.Copy !req
655. He's pure evil.Copy !req
656. Besides...
Nobody's getting hurt.Copy !req
657. That guy was already up there
when I got here.Copy !req
658. Wade, you are
better than this.Copy !req
659. Join us.
Use your powers for good.Copy !req
660. Heads up.Copy !req
661. Be a superhero.Copy !req
662. Listen!Copy !req
663. The day I decide to become a
crime-fighting shit-swizzler...Copy !req
664. who rooms with a bunch of other little
whiners at the Neverland mansion...Copy !req
665. of some creepy, old, bald,
Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker...Copy !req
666. on that day...Copy !req
667. I'll send your shiny,
happy ass a friend request.Copy !req
668. But until then, I'mma do
what I came here to do.Copy !req
669. Either that or slap
the bitch outta you!Copy !req
670. Wade...
Hey.Copy !req
671. Zip it, Sinead!Copy !req
672. Hey, douche-pool!Copy !req
673. And I hope
you're watching...Copy !req
674. Quite unfortunate.Copy !req
675. That does it!Copy !req
676. Oh!Copy !req
677. Canada!Copy !req
678. That's not good.Copy !req
679. Wade, please.Copy !req
680. Cock shot!Copy !req
681. Oh, your poor wife.Copy !req
682. You really should stop.Copy !req
683. All the dinosaurs
feared the T. rex.Copy !req
684. I promise this gets
worse for you, big boy!Copy !req
685. This is embarrassing.Copy !req
686. Please, stay down.Copy !req
687. You ever hear of the one-legged
man in the ass-kicking contest?Copy !req
688. Do you have
off switch?Copy !req
689. Yeah, it's right next
to the prostate.Copy !req
690. Or is that the on switch?Copy !req
691. Enough!Copy !req
692. Let us go talk
to the Professor.Copy !req
693. McAvoy or Stewart?Copy !req
694. These timelines
are so confusing.Copy !req
695. "Dead or alive,
you're coming with me!"Copy !req
696. You will
recover, Wade.Copy !req
697. You always do.Copy !req
698. You ever see 127 Hours?
Spoiler alert.Copy !req
699. Oh, my God.Copy !req
700. Nasty.Copy !req
701. Oh, there's
the money shot, baby.Copy !req
702. Are You There God?
It's Me, Margaret.Copy !req
703. Rock, meet bottom.Copy !req
704. And when life ends up
breathtakingly fucked...Copy !req
705. you can generally trace it
back to one big, bad decision.Copy !req
706. The one that sent you
down the road to Shitsburgh.Copy !req
707. This? Well, this was mine.Copy !req
708. Mr. Wilson.Copy !req
709. Nothing warms my heart more than
a change of someone else's.Copy !req
710. You finally hit "fuck it."Copy !req
711. Just promise
you'll do right by me.Copy !req
712. So I can do right
by someone else.Copy !req
713. Of course.Copy !req
714. And please don't make
the super-suit green.Copy !req
715. Or animated.Copy !req
716. Move it! Keep moving.Copy !req
717. This place seems sanitary.Copy !req
718. My first request
is warmer hands.Copy !req
719. Oh! And, Jesus,
a warmer table.Copy !req
720. We should really come up
with a safe word, fellas.Copy !req
721. I'm thinking
"pork and beans."Copy !req
722. Easy.Copy !req
723. Aren't you a little
strong for a lady?Copy !req
724. I'm calling wang.Copy !req
725. What's up with the matches?Copy !req
726. Oral fixation
or just a big Stallone fan?Copy !req
727. Patience, Angel.Copy !req
728. All in good time.Copy !req
729. Are you here for
the turndown service, or what?Copy !req
730. We have another talker.Copy !req
731. I'm just excited about my
first day at superhero camp.Copy !req
732. Shut the fuck up.Copy !req
733. Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax.Copy !req
734. I manage this workshop.Copy !req
735. Ah, my welcome speech used to
be full of euphemisms like...Copy !req
736. "This may hurt a little."Copy !req
737. "This may cause you
some discomfort."Copy !req
738. But I've grown blunt.Copy !req
739. This workshop is not
a government-led program.Copy !req
740. It's a private institution that turns
reclamation projects like yourself...Copy !req
741. into men of
extraordinary abilities.Copy !req
742. But if you think super-human
powers are acquired painlessly...Copy !req
743. Wrong.Copy !req
744. I'm injecting you
with a serum...Copy !req
745. that activates any mutant
genes lurking in your DNA.Copy !req
746. For it to work we need to
subject you to extreme stress.Copy !req
747. You've heard that whole "make an omelet,
break some eggs" bit, right?Copy !req
748. I'm about to hurt you, Wade.Copy !req
749. I was a patient here once
myself, you know.Copy !req
750. The treatment affects
everyone differently.Copy !req
751. It made Angel
inhumanly strong.Copy !req
752. In my case,
it enhanced my reflexes.Copy !req
753. Also scorched my nerve endings,
so I no longer feel pain.Copy !req
754. And, in fact,
I no longer feel anything.Copy !req
755. Thanks! Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
756. You have something
in your teeth.Copy !req
757. Right in the middle there.
Just, I don't...Copy !req
758. A little nugget of romaine
lettuce or something.Copy !req
759. It's been bothering me
for a long time.Copy !req
760. Ah, made you look.Copy !req
761. Hey, is Ajax
your actual name?Copy !req
762. Because it sounds
suspiciously made up.Copy !req
763. What is it, really?Copy !req
764. Kevin? Bruce? Scott?Copy !req
765. Mitch? The Rickster?Copy !req
766. Is it Basil Fawlty?Copy !req
767. Oh, joke away.Copy !req
768. One thing that never
survives this placeCopy !req
769. is a sense of humor.Copy !req
770. We'll see about that.Copy !req
771. I suppose we will.Copy !req
772. He's all yours.Copy !req
773. Oh, come on.Copy !req
774. You're gonna leave me
all alone here.Copy !req
775. With less-angry
Rosie O'Donnell?Copy !req
776. This is how
it's going to work.Copy !req
777. Adrenaline acts as a catalyst
for the serum...Copy !req
778. so we're going
to have to make you suffer.Copy !req
779. If you're lucky,
the mutant genes will activateCopy !req
780. and manifest in
a spectacular fashion.Copy !req
781. If not, well, we'll
have to keep on hurting you...Copy !req
782. in new and different ways,Copy !req
783. each more painful
than the last...Copy !req
784. until you finally mutate.Copy !req
785. Or die.Copy !req
786. You mean a bucket list?Copy !req
787. Like a fuck-it list.Copy !req
788. I'd really like
to light a spliffCopy !req
789. off the Olympic torch.Copy !req
790. Pass it
to me right after.Copy !req
791. Let's not forget naked
tandem base-jumpingCopy !req
792. with the WNBA's
Sacramento Monarchs.Copy !req
793. Anything on my bucket list
would involve public nudity.Copy !req
794. Finally, giving Meredith
Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.Copy !req
795. No. Receiving a Dutch oven
from Meredith Baxter-Birney.Copy !req
796. Making banana pancakes
for my kids.Copy !req
797. Vanessa.Copy !req
798. I wanna see Vanessa.Copy !req
799. You're lovely.Copy !req
800. I don't know about
anyone else, but I'm touched.Copy !req
801. We were just joking.Copy !req
802. No, no. It's okay.Copy !req
803. I encourage distractions.Copy !req
804. Wouldn't want you giving up
on us, now would we?Copy !req
805. Hey, don't take any shit
from him, Cunningham.Copy !req
806. How tough can he be...Copy !req
807. with a name like Francis?Copy !req
808. Francis?Copy !req
809. That's his legal name.Copy !req
810. He got "Ajax"
from the dish soap.Copy !req
811. F, R, A, N, C, I...Copy !req
812. Oops!Copy !req
813. Snagged the dry cleaning tag
off your lab coat.Copy !req
814. FYI, I could probably get you
the superhero discount.Copy !req
815. You are so
relentlessly annoying.Copy !req
816. Thanks.Copy !req
817. Never heard that before.Copy !req
818. Why don't you do us all
a favor and shut the fuck up?Copy !req
819. Or I'll sew
your pretty mouth shut.Copy !req
820. Oh...Copy !req
821. I wouldn't do that
if I were you.Copy !req
822. See, here's the problem withCopy !req
823. round-the-clock torture...Copy !req
824. is that you can't really
step it up from there.Copy !req
825. Is that what you think?Copy !req
826. If this doesn't unlock
your mutation, then, well...Copy !req
827. nothing will.Copy !req
828. Now, what we're going to do isCopy !req
829. lower the oxygen
concentration in the air...Copy !req
830. to the exact point you feel
like you're suffocating.Copy !req
831. If your brainwaves slow,Copy !req
832. meaning you're
about to pass out...Copy !req
833. then we'll turn up the O2.Copy !req
834. If your heart rate slows...Copy !req
835. meaning you're able
to catch your breath...Copy !req
836. we'll turn it back down.Copy !req
837. And that's where
we'll leave you.Copy !req
838. Right there.Copy !req
839. Oh, and I thought
you guys were dicks before.Copy !req
840. You know
the funniest part of this?Copy !req
841. You still think we're making
you a superhero.Copy !req
842. You. A dishonorable discharge.Copy !req
843. Hip-deep in hookers.Copy !req
844. You're nothing.Copy !req
845. Little secret, Wade.Copy !req
846. This workshop
doesn't make superheroes,Copy !req
847. we make super-slaves.Copy !req
848. We're gonna fit you
with a control collarCopy !req
849. and auction you off
to the highest bidder.Copy !req
850. Who knows what
they'll have you doing?Copy !req
851. Terrorizing citizens,
putting down freedom fighters.Copy !req
852. Maybe just mow
the occasional lawn.Copy !req
853. What the fuck
is wrong with you?Copy !req
854. You're never going home
after this.Copy !req
855. Now there's a brave face.Copy !req
856. Wait, wait! Wait. Wait.Copy !req
857. Seriously, you actually have
something in your teeth now.Copy !req
858. Enjoy your weekend.Copy !req
859. "Weekend"? Back up.Copy !req
860. Weekend?Copy !req
861. Did I say
this was a love story?Copy !req
862. No, it's a horror movie.Copy !req
863. Fucking hell.Copy !req
864. Looks like someone lost his
shot at Homecoming King.Copy !req
865. What have you done to me?Copy !req
866. I've merely raised
your stress levelsCopy !req
867. high enough
to trigger a mutation.Copy !req
868. You sadistic fuck!Copy !req
869. I've cured you, Wade.Copy !req
870. Now your mutated cells
can heal anything.Copy !req
871. It's attacking your cancer
as fast as it can form.Copy !req
872. Yeah, I've seen similar
side-effects before.Copy !req
873. I could cure them...Copy !req
874. but where's the fun in that?Copy !req
875. Now, I'm gonna
shut you in again, Wade.Copy !req
876. Not because I need to.Copy !req
877. Because I want to.Copy !req
878. Oh, well.Copy !req
879. Go ahead.Copy !req
880. Oh, you smell like shit.Copy !req
881. Whoa!Copy !req
882. Motherfucker.Copy !req
883. Hey, hey, hey.
It's all right, it's all right.Copy !req
884. I think we owe him
that one, yeah?Copy !req
885. You take off. Go on.Copy !req
886. Off you go.Copy !req
887. Quick question.Copy !req
888. What's my name?Copy !req
889. Didn't think so.Copy !req
890. Sorry, Francis.
My lips are sealed.Copy !req
891. You don't want to kill me.Copy !req
892. I'm the only one
who can fix your ugly mug.Copy !req
893. What's my name?Copy !req
894. Wade.Copy !req
895. I didn't just get
the cure to el cancer...Copy !req
896. I got the cure
to el everything.Copy !req
897. But there was
only one thing...Copy !req
898. that really mattered.Copy !req
899. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
900. Oh, that must hurt.Copy !req
901. Thank you so much.Copy !req
902. God, he's so fucking gnarly.Copy !req
903. Look at his face.Copy !req
904. Oh, my God. Poor guy.Copy !req
905. Honey, don't stare.Copy !req
906. Freak.Copy !req
907. No way. I'm not making
her life as ugly as mine.Copy !req
908. Come on, Wade,
it can't be that bad.Copy !req
909. Ah, bullshit!Copy !req
910. I'm a monster inside and out.
I belong in a fucking circus.Copy !req
911. Wade, Vanessa loves you.
She doesn't care what you...Copy !req
912. Oh! Oh.Copy !req
913. Do you like what you see?Copy !req
914. No.Copy !req
915. You look like an avocadoCopy !req
916. had sex with an older,
more disgusting avocado.Copy !req
917. Yeah.Copy !req
918. Not gently.
Like it was hate-fucking.Copy !req
919. There was something wrong
with the relationship...Copy !req
920. and that was
the only catharsisCopy !req
921. that they could find
without violence.Copy !req
922. And the only guy
who can fix this fugly mug...Copy !req
923. is the British shitstick
who ran the mutant factory.Copy !req
924. And he's gone. Poof!Copy !req
925. Yeah, well you gotta do
something to remedy this...Copy !req
926. because as of now,Copy !req
927. you only have
one course of action.Copy !req
928. Damn straight.Copy !req
929. Find Francis.
Star in horror films.Copy !req
930. What?Copy !req
931. Star in your own horror films.Copy !req
932. Because you look
like Freddy KruegerCopy !req
933. face-fucked
a topographical map of Utah.Copy !req
934. Here's what
I'm actually gonna do.Copy !req
935. I'm gonna work
through his crewCopy !req
936. until somebody
gives up Francis...Copy !req
937. force him to fix this, then
put a bullet in his skull...Copy !req
938. and fuck the brain hole.Copy !req
939. I don't wanna see that
or think of it again.Copy !req
940. But the douchebag does
thinks you're dead, right?Copy !req
941. Yeah.Copy !req
942. That's good.
You should keep it that way.Copy !req
943. What, like, wear a mask?Copy !req
944. Yes. A very thick mask.
All the time.Copy !req
945. I am sorry...Copy !req
946. you are haunting.Copy !req
947. Your face is
the stuff of nightmares.Copy !req
948. Like a testicle with teeth.Copy !req
949. You will die alone.Copy !req
950. I mean, if you could die.Copy !req
951. Ideally, for others' sake.Copy !req
952. That'll do.Copy !req
953. All you need now is a suit
and a nickname...Copy !req
954. like Wade the Wisecracker...Copy !req
955. or Scaredevil,
Mr. Neverdie.Copy !req
956. Oh, shit.Copy !req
957. What?Copy !req
958. I put all my money
on you and now...Copy !req
959. I just realized
I'm never gonna win the, uh...Copy !req
960. Dead pool.Copy !req
961. Captain Deadpool...Copy !req
962. No, just...Copy !req
963. Just Deadpool, yeah.
Just Deadpool.Copy !req
964. To you, Mr. Pool.Copy !req
965. Deadpool.Copy !req
966. That sounds like
a fucking franchise.Copy !req
967. This shit's gonna
have nuts in it.Copy !req
968. Where's Francis?Copy !req
969. Where's Francis?Copy !req
970. Seltzer water
and lemon for blood.Copy !req
971. Or wear red. Dumbass.Copy !req
972. Don't make me
ask twice.Copy !req
973. Where...Copy !req
974. is Francis?Copy !req
975. He made me ask twice.Copy !req
976. Is the mask muffling my voice?Copy !req
977. Where's Francis?Copy !req
978. Where the fuck is Francis?Copy !req
979. You're about to be killed
by a Zamboni.Copy !req
980. Where's Francis?Copy !req
981. No! Please!Copy !req
982. Oh, God! I'm so sorry!Copy !req
983. Oh! You little
spider monkey!Copy !req
984. Where... is... Francis?Copy !req
985. This is confusing.Copy !req
986. Is it sexist to hit you?Copy !req
987. Is it more sexist
to not hit you?Copy !req
988. I mean, the line
gets real... blurry.Copy !req
989. WHERE IS FRANCIS?Copy !req
990. Tell me where
your fucking boss isCopy !req
991. or you're gonna die!Copy !req
992. In five minutes!Copy !req
993. Don't hesitate to call me.Copy !req
994. Nice to see you, Jared.Copy !req
995. I'll take the footlong...Copy !req
996. Fully loaded.Copy !req
997. Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
998. 41 confirmed kills.Copy !req
999. Now it's 89.
About to be 90.Copy !req
1000. Mr. Wilson?Copy !req
1001. Ding-ding.Copy !req
1002. You're looking
very alive.Copy !req
1003. Ha! Only on the outside!Copy !req
1004. This is not going to
end well for me, is it?Copy !req
1005. This is not gonna
end well for you, no.Copy !req
1006. Where's your boss?Copy !req
1007. I can tell you exactly...Copy !req
1008. Oh, you'll tell me.
But first...Copy !req
1009. You might wanna
look away for this.Copy !req
1010. Now this little piggy
went to...Copy !req
1011. Thank you, Agent Smith.Copy !req
1012. Taxi!Copy !req
1013. Hop in! Great day for a ride.Copy !req
1014. And we all know
how this turned out.Copy !req
1015. Whoops!
You weren't meant to see that.Copy !req
1016. There. All caught up.Copy !req
1017. We're here.Copy !req
1018. Sorry about
bleeding in all your garbage.Copy !req
1019. Seltzer water and
lemon for blood.Copy !req
1020. Whoo!Copy !req
1021. Some kinds of anger
can't be managed...Copy !req
1022. like the kind where
your year-long planCopy !req
1023. ends with the wrong guy
getting dismembered!Copy !req
1024. That said, when it comes time
to licking wounds,Copy !req
1025. there's no place like home.Copy !req
1026. Ah, and I share that home
with someone you've met,Copy !req
1027. the old blind lady
from the laundromat, Al.Copy !req
1028. God, I miss cocaine.Copy !req
1029. Her.Copy !req
1030. Fourth-wall break
inside a fourth-wall break.Copy !req
1031. That's like 16 walls.Copy !req
1032. She's like Robin to my Batman,Copy !req
1033. except she's old,
and black, and blind.Copy !req
1034. And I think
she's in love with me.Copy !req
1035. Wait, pretty sure
Robin loves Batman, too.Copy !req
1036. Al?Copy !req
1037. Morning, sleepyhead.Copy !req
1038. It smells like
old lady pants in here.Copy !req
1039. Yes, I'm old.
I wear pants.Copy !req
1040. But you're no lady.Copy !req
1041. Oh! So comfy.Copy !req
1042. Upside of being blind:
I've never seen you in Crocs.Copy !req
1043. You mean my big,
rubber masturbating shoes?Copy !req
1044. Yes, I know.Copy !req
1045. Downside of being blind...Copy !req
1046. I hear everything
in this duplex.Copy !req
1047. Sit on a stick.Copy !req
1048. Bactin?Copy !req
1049. Yeah. Bactin should do it.Copy !req
1050. How's that Kullen
coming along?Copy !req
1051. IKEA doesn't assemble itself,
you know.Copy !req
1052. You're telling me.
I don't mind the Kullen.Copy !req
1053. It's an improvement
on the Hurdal.Copy !req
1054. Please. Anything's an
improvement over the Hurdal.Copy !req
1055. I'd have taken an Hemnes
or a Trysil over the Hurdal.Copy !req
1056. Oh, no, I didn't get excited
till I saw the Kullen.Copy !req
1057. Screw, please.Copy !req
1058. Here? Now?
Just kidding.Copy !req
1059. I know it's been decades.Copy !req
1060. You'd be surprised.Copy !req
1061. Pretty grossed out.Copy !req
1062. Ta... Da.Copy !req
1063. I wish I never heard
of Craigslist.Copy !req
1064. And I quote,
"Looking for roommate,Copy !req
1065. "blind to
life's imperfections.Copy !req
1066. "Must be good with hands."Copy !req
1067. Or would you rather I build
the IKEA, and you pay rent?Copy !req
1068. Why such a douche
this morning?Copy !req
1069. Let's recap.Copy !req
1070. The cock thistle that
turned me into this freak...Copy !req
1071. slipped through
my arms today...Copy !req
1072. Arm.Copy !req
1073. Catching him was
my only chanceCopy !req
1074. to be hot again,
get my super sexy ex back...Copy !req
1075. and prevent this shit from
happening to someone else.Copy !req
1076. So, yeah,
today was about as much funCopy !req
1077. as a sandpaper dildo.Copy !req
1078. Found out who our friend
in the red suit is.Copy !req
1079. Fucking Wade Wilson.Copy !req
1080. I suppose I'd wear a mask too
if I had a face like that.Copy !req
1081. I only wish I healed the same.Copy !req
1082. Still, we'll put him
out of our misery.Copy !req
1083. On our terms.Copy !req
1084. Right.
And when he heals?Copy !req
1085. He can't.Copy !req
1086. Not if there's nothing
left of him to heal.Copy !req
1087. You know, it's funny.
I almost miss the fucker.Copy !req
1088. I like a challenge.Copy !req
1089. But he's bad
for business.Copy !req
1090. Now let's go
find him.Copy !req
1091. Oh.Copy !req
1092. Tylenol PM?Copy !req
1093. You can stick that
where you stuck the Bactin.Copy !req
1094. I raided my stash
of wisdom tooth Percocet...Copy !req
1095. and I am orbiting
fucking Saturn right now.Copy !req
1096. But I appreciate the gesture.Copy !req
1097. Am I crazy,
or is your hand really small?Copy !req
1098. About the size of
a KFC spork.Copy !req
1099. Ugh.Copy !req
1100. I get why you're so pissy...Copy !req
1101. but your mood's
never gonna brightenCopy !req
1102. till you find this woman...Copy !req
1103. and tell her how you feel.Copy !req
1104. What do I keep telling you,
Mrs. Magoo?Copy !req
1105. She wouldn't have me.Copy !req
1106. If you could see me,
you'd understand.Copy !req
1107. Looks aren't everything.Copy !req
1108. Looks are everything.Copy !req
1109. You ever heard
David Beckham speak?Copy !req
1110. It's like he mouth-sexed
a can of helium.Copy !req
1111. You think Ryan Reynolds
got this farCopy !req
1112. on his superior acting method?Copy !req
1113. Love is blind, Wade.Copy !req
1114. No.Copy !req
1115. You're blind.Copy !req
1116. So, you're just gonna
lie there and whimper?Copy !req
1117. No, I'm gonna wait till this
arm plows through puberty...Copy !req
1118. and then I'm gonna
come up withCopy !req
1119. a whole new
Christmas Day plan.Copy !req
1120. In the meantime,Copy !req
1121. you might wanna
leave the room.Copy !req
1122. I bet it feels huge
in this hand.Copy !req
1123. Go, go, go.Copy !req
1124. So, the doctor says,
"The bad news isCopy !req
1125. "you don't have
that long to live."Copy !req
1126. So, the patient says,
"How long do I have?"Copy !req
1127. The doctor says, "Five."Copy !req
1128. The guy says, "Five what?"Copy !req
1129. And the doctor says,
"Four, three, two..."Copy !req
1130. Can I help you ladies?Copy !req
1131. Oh, I do hope so.Copy !req
1132. I heard you might be
able to point meCopy !req
1133. in the direction
of a, um, friend of mine.Copy !req
1134. Name of Wade Wilson.Copy !req
1135. Sorry.Copy !req
1136. I don't know the name.Copy !req
1137. Hey, you're not supposed
to be behind the bar.Copy !req
1138. I've seen this girl.Copy !req
1139. Ah, this must be Vanessa.Copy !req
1140. I've heard so much about you.Copy !req
1141. Um, sweetheart,
you might wanna look around.Copy !req
1142. This isn't really the place
to do something like that.Copy !req
1143. Easy, Angel.Copy !req
1144. Put the little man down.Copy !req
1145. We have everything
we need now.Copy !req
1146. You sure?Copy !req
1147. You don't want any clothes
that are not monochromatic?Copy !req
1148. Have fun at your midnight
showing of Blade II.Copy !req
1149. Whoo.Copy !req
1150. Thanks for having
my back, guys.Copy !req
1151. Wade, we have
a fucking problem.Copy !req
1152. And by "we," I mean "you."Copy !req
1153. Ah, I can't believe
I'm doing this.Copy !req
1154. Is there a word for
half afraid, half angry?Copy !req
1155. Yeah, "afrangry",
I guess.Copy !req
1156. Have you decided what
you're gonna say to her?Copy !req
1157. Fuck me!Copy !req
1158. Uh, maybe not
start with that.Copy !req
1159. Hey, coming onto
our stage right now...Copy !req
1160. give it up for Chastity!Copy !req
1161. Or as I like
to call her, Irony.Copy !req
1162. Better find her fast
before numbnuts does.Copy !req
1163. How do you know
she's in here?Copy !req
1164. Because I'm constantly
stalking that fox.Copy !req
1165. Every time I see her,
it's like the first time...Copy !req
1166. Especially from this angle.Copy !req
1167. You can't buy love,Copy !req
1168. but you can rent it
for three minutes.Copy !req
1169. Ah, you weak motherfucker!Copy !req
1170. Come on!Copy !req
1171. Come on, get it together.Copy !req
1172. This isn't about me,
this is about Vanessa.Copy !req
1173. Here we go.Copy !req
1174. Maximum effort.Copy !req
1175. Vanessa.Copy !req
1176. Someone out back
asking for you.Copy !req
1177. Something about, uh,
an old boyfriend.Copy !req
1178. I knew it was you.Copy !req
1179. The weird,
curvy edges.Copy !req
1180. Like a jigsaw puzzle.Copy !req
1181. You have Wade Wilson
to thank for this.Copy !req
1182. Hey. Hey! Where'd she go?Copy !req
1183. Uh, I saw her
head to the back.Copy !req
1184. Go get her, tiger.Copy !req
1185. Fuck. Fuck!Copy !req
1186. Motherfucker!Copy !req
1187. Wait, wait.
Let's... Just...Copy !req
1188. Cock juggling...Copy !req
1189. We can talk about
what we're gonna...Copy !req
1190. Jiminy! Fuck face!Copy !req
1191. Okay, or you
can hit that.Copy !req
1192. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
1193. No, no.
All right. Hey!Copy !req
1194. Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
1195. Fuck!
Hey, um...Copy !req
1196. Whoa! Whoa!
Relax. Relax. Okay.Copy !req
1197. Okay. I think
that's a good start.Copy !req
1198. Oh, I'm gonna rip
his motherfucking...Copy !req
1199. Wait.Copy !req
1200. Find it! Find it.
What?Copy !req
1201. I'm gonna get angry.
Okay. All right.Copy !req
1202. All right. Okay. All right.Copy !req
1203. Here. This is Vanessa.Copy !req
1204. What?
No, wait. It's Francis.Copy !req
1205. He wants you
to come to him.Copy !req
1206. What is that?
That's the shit emoji.Copy !req
1207. You know, it's the turd with
the smiling face and the eyes?Copy !req
1208. I thought it was chocolate
yogurt for so long.Copy !req
1209. I need guns.Copy !req
1210. Okay, which ones?Copy !req
1211. I need all the guns!Copy !req
1212. All right. Okay.Copy !req
1213. That's about 3,000 rounds.Copy !req
1214. We all know
what I can do with 12.Copy !req
1215. Hey, hey, careful with that,
Ronnie Milsap!Copy !req
1216. We're downrange.Copy !req
1217. I was gonna
spend the nightCopy !req
1218. assembling the Borje,
but this is holding my interest.Copy !req
1219. I told you, we're going with
the Urvaj, not the Borje.Copy !req
1220. Get it through your head
or get out of fuck town.Copy !req
1221. Shit. That's all the pieces
in the house.Copy !req
1222. Nah, nah... Come on.
Let's go. Cough it up.Copy !req
1223. Up, up, up.Copy !req
1224. Oh. Down, down, down.Copy !req
1225. Fuck you.Copy !req
1226. .45 cal. I like it.Copy !req
1227. Wade...Copy !req
1228. I'd go with you,
but I don't want to.Copy !req
1229. Uh...Copy !req
1230. Listen, Al...Copy !req
1231. if I never see
you again,Copy !req
1232. I want you to know that
I love you very much.Copy !req
1233. And also, uh, there's
about 116 kilos of cocaineCopy !req
1234. buried somewhere
in the apartment...Copy !req
1235. right next to the cure
for blindness. Good luck.Copy !req
1236. You wanna get fucked up?Copy !req
1237. Put her down
over here.Copy !req
1238. Go on then.Copy !req
1239. Thanks, dickless.
And I mean you.Copy !req
1240. Wow. You're a talker too.
You and Wade.Copy !req
1241. I've been trying
to tell you assholes,Copy !req
1242. you've got the wrong girl.Copy !req
1243. My old boyfriend,
he's dead.Copy !req
1244. See, I thought that too.
But he keeps on coming back.Copy !req
1245. Like a cockroach...Copy !req
1246. but uglier.Copy !req
1247. Now, I may not feel,
but he does.Copy !req
1248. Let's see how he fights
with your head on the block.Copy !req
1249. Ripley, from Alien 3!Copy !req
1250. Fuck, you're old.Copy !req
1251. Fake laugh.
Hiding real pain.Copy !req
1252. Go get Silver Balls.Copy !req
1253. You guys going for a bite?
Early bird special?Copy !req
1254. Oh, like there's
something wrongCopy !req
1255. with eating before sundown
or saving money.Copy !req
1256. No, you know that bad guy
that you let go?Copy !req
1257. He's got my girl.Copy !req
1258. You're gonna
help me get her back.Copy !req
1259. Wade, is that you?Copy !req
1260. Yeah, it's me, Deadpool,Copy !req
1261. and I got an offer
that you can't refuse.Copy !req
1262. I'm gonna wait
out here, okay?Copy !req
1263. It's a big house.Copy !req
1264. It's funny that I only
ever see two of you.Copy !req
1265. It's almost like the studio
couldn't afford another X-Man.Copy !req
1266. And that is why,
in my opinion...Copy !req
1267. the movie Cocoon
is pure pornography.Copy !req
1268. Who brought
this twinkly man?Copy !req
1269. Twinkly, but deadly.Copy !req
1270. My chrome-penised
friend back thereCopy !req
1271. has agreed
to do me this solid.Copy !req
1272. In exchange,
I said that I wouldCopy !req
1273. consider joining his boy band.Copy !req
1274. It's not boy band.Copy !req
1275. Sure it's not.Copy !req
1276. So,
any luck winning Gita back?Copy !req
1277. I tried to hold on tight,
Mr. Pool...Copy !req
1278. but Bandhu is more craftier
and handsomer than me.Copy !req
1279. Well, I think you're
pretty darn cute.Copy !req
1280. Dopinder.
Hmm?Copy !req
1281. What was that?Copy !req
1282. Uh...Copy !req
1283. That was Bandhu
in the trunk.Copy !req
1284. Ban who?Copy !req
1285. My romantic rival Bandhu.
He's tied up in the trunk.Copy !req
1286. I'm doing as you said, DP.Copy !req
1287. I plan to gut him
like a tandoori fish,Copy !req
1288. then dump his carcass
on Gita's doorstep.Copy !req
1289. I did not tell him
to do that.Copy !req
1290. Absolutely not.
It got lost in translation.Copy !req
1291. Dopinder, this is no way
to win Gita's heart back!Copy !req
1292. I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
1293. Drop Bandhu off,
safe and gentle-like.Copy !req
1294. Kill him.Copy !req
1295. And then,
win Gita back...Copy !req
1296. the old fashioned way:
with your boyish charm.Copy !req
1297. Kidnap her.Copy !req
1298. He's super dead.Copy !req
1299. Whoa!Copy !req
1300. I presume a crisp
high five?Copy !req
1301. For you? 10.Copy !req
1302. Okay, guys, let's get out there
and make a difference.Copy !req
1303. You know what to do.Copy !req
1304. Knock 'em dead,
Pool Boy!Copy !req
1305. Time to make
the chimi-fuckin'-changas.Copy !req
1306. Not often
a dude ruins your face...Copy !req
1307. skull-stomps your sanity,
grabs your future baby mama...Copy !req
1308. and personally sees to fourCopy !req
1309. of your five
shittiest moments.Copy !req
1310. Let's just say it's beginning
to look a lot like Christmas.Copy !req
1311. Hey.Copy !req
1312. Where's your duffle bag?Copy !req
1313. Bandhu?Copy !req
1314. Leave a message
and have a happy day.Copy !req
1315. God damn it!Copy !req
1316. I'm gonna do this
the old fashioned way...Copy !req
1317. with two swords
and maximum effort.Copy !req
1318. Cue the music.Copy !req
1319. Wade Wilson!Copy !req
1320. What's my name?Copy !req
1321. Oh, I'mma fuckin'
spell it out for ya.Copy !req
1322. Go get some.Copy !req
1323. Superhero landing.Copy !req
1324. She's gonna do
a superhero landing.Copy !req
1325. Wait for it.Copy !req
1326. Whoo!Copy !req
1327. Superhero landing!Copy !req
1328. You know, that's really
hard on your knees.Copy !req
1329. Totally impractical.
They all do it.Copy !req
1330. You're a lovely lady, but
I'm saving myself for Francis.Copy !req
1331. That's why
I brought him.Copy !req
1332. I prefer not to hit a woman,
so please...Copy !req
1333. I mean,
that's why I brought her?Copy !req
1334. Oh, no, finish your tweet.
It's not... That's...Copy !req
1335. Just give us a second.
Yeah.Copy !req
1336. There you go.
Hashtag it.Copy !req
1337. Go get her, tiger.Copy !req
1338. Oh, I so pity the dude who
pressures her into prom sex.Copy !req
1339. All right, then. Fire!Copy !req
1340. Finish fucking her
the fuck up!Copy !req
1341. Language, please.Copy !req
1342. Suck a cock.Copy !req
1343. Look away, child.Copy !req
1344. Look away!Copy !req
1345. Wait!Copy !req
1346. Wait!Copy !req
1347. Cease fire!Copy !req
1348. Cease fire!Copy !req
1349. Fellas! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
1350. You only work for that
shit-spackled muppet fart.Copy !req
1351. So, I'mma give you a chanceCopy !req
1352. for y'all to lay down
your firearms...Copy !req
1353. in exchange for preferential,
bordering on gentle...Copy !req
1354. possibly even
lover-like treatment.Copy !req
1355. Fine.Copy !req
1356. Commando!Copy !req
1357. Teabag!Copy !req
1358. Bob?Copy !req
1359. Wade?Copy !req
1360. Oh, my God,
I haven't seen you since...Copy !req
1361. Jacksonville. Fridays.
Since TGI Fridays.Copy !req
1362. Well, what the hell!Copy !req
1363. God, come here, you.Copy !req
1364. How are the kids?
Good?Copy !req
1365. And Gail, she still fixing
that tuna casserole?Copy !req
1366. So good.
But bad for the waistline,Copy !req
1367. if you know what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
1368. Oh!Copy !req
1369. Your... On the left.
You are beautiful woman.Copy !req
1370. That is so sweet.Copy !req
1371. Uh...Copy !req
1372. Thanks.Copy !req
1373. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
1374. Does he
write you notes too?Copy !req
1375. He's such a romantic.Copy !req
1376. Don't worry, baby.
I'm comin'.Copy !req
1377. Fire!Copy !req
1378. Hey!Copy !req
1379. Climb on!Copy !req
1380. Motherfucking...Copy !req
1381. Motherfucker should have
worn his brown pants.Copy !req
1382. You were right,
beautiful.Copy !req
1383. Red really is my color.Copy !req
1384. Wade?Copy !req
1385. Don't worry, baby...Copy !req
1386. I'mma get you out
of that shit-box.Copy !req
1387. What better way to crawl back
inside that head of yours?Copy !req
1388. Oh, you never left.Copy !req
1389. But you did, asshole!Copy !req
1390. Ah, deep breath, darling.Copy !req
1391. Oh, wait.Copy !req
1392. Wrong choice of words.Copy !req
1393. I hope they blocked pain
to your every last nerve.Copy !req
1394. 'Cause I'mma go lookin'!Copy !req
1395. I hear you grow back
body parts now, Wade.Copy !req
1396. When I'm finished...Copy !req
1397. parts will have
to grow back you.Copy !req
1398. Good one.Copy !req
1399. Yep, that was a good one.Copy !req
1400. Let's dance.Copy !req
1401. And by dance, I mean...Copy !req
1402. let's try to kill each other.Copy !req
1403. Fine. Fists.Copy !req
1404. Oh, sounds like
your last Saturday night.Copy !req
1405. Asshole!Copy !req
1406. Hang in there,
baby!Copy !req
1407. Wade!
I gotcha!Copy !req
1408. I got a plan.
You're not gonna like it.Copy !req
1409. Shit! Shit! Shit!Copy !req
1410. Don't worry.
I'm totally on top of this.Copy !req
1411. Ah! Damn it!Copy !req
1412. Maximum effort!Copy !req
1413. Thanks.Copy !req
1414. Just take it slow.Copy !req
1415. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
1416. Oh, my God! That was so...Copy !req
1417. There are no words!Copy !req
1418. Me and you are headed
to fix this butterface.Copy !req
1419. What?Copy !req
1420. You stupid fucking idiot.Copy !req
1421. Did you really think
there was a cure... for that?Copy !req
1422. What?Copy !req
1423. You heard me.Copy !req
1424. No.Copy !req
1425. No!Copy !req
1426. So, you mean to say...Copy !req
1427. after all this,
you can't fix me?Copy !req
1428. It sounds even stupider
when you say it.Copy !req
1429. Like the kind of stupid
who admitsCopy !req
1430. he can't do the one thing
I'm keeping him alive for?Copy !req
1431. Any last words?Copy !req
1432. What's my name?Copy !req
1433. Who fucking cares?Copy !req
1434. Wade!Copy !req
1435. Four or five moments.Copy !req
1436. I'm sorry?Copy !req
1437. Four or five moments,
that's all it takes.Copy !req
1438. To?Copy !req
1439. Be a hero.Copy !req
1440. Everyone thinks
it's a full-time job.Copy !req
1441. Wake up a hero,
brush your teeth a hero,Copy !req
1442. go to work a hero.Copy !req
1443. Not true.Copy !req
1444. Over a lifetime, there are
only four or five momentsCopy !req
1445. that really matter.Copy !req
1446. Moments when you're
offered a choice.Copy !req
1447. To make a sacrifice,
conquer a flaw,Copy !req
1448. save a friend...Copy !req
1449. spare an enemy.Copy !req
1450. In these moments...Copy !req
1451. everything else falls away.Copy !req
1452. The way the world sees us.Copy !req
1453. The way we...Copy !req
1454. Why?Copy !req
1455. You were droning on.Copy !req
1456. Sure, I may be stuck looking
like pepperoni flatbread...Copy !req
1457. but at least fuckface
won't heal from that.Copy !req
1458. If wearing superhero tights...Copy !req
1459. means sparing psychopaths...Copy !req
1460. then maybe I wasn't
meant to wear 'em.Copy !req
1461. Not everyone monitors
a hall like you.Copy !req
1462. Just promise...Copy !req
1463. Yeah, yeah,
I'll be on the lookoutCopy !req
1464. for the next four moments.Copy !req
1465. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1466. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm just a boy,Copy !req
1467. about to stand
in front of a girl...Copy !req
1468. and tell her...Copy !req
1469. What the fuck
am I gonna tell her?Copy !req
1470. Well, hmm,
you better figure it out.Copy !req
1471. I can't even tell you...Copy !req
1472. I deserved that.
That, too.Copy !req
1473. No, no, no,
maybe not the nethers.Copy !req
1474. Start talking!Copy !req
1475. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1476. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1477. For everything,
I'm sorry for leaving...Copy !req
1478. I'm sorry for not
cowboying up sooner.Copy !req
1479. It's been rough
couple of years.Copy !req
1480. Rough?Copy !req
1481. I live in a crackhouse.Copy !req
1482. With a family of 12.Copy !req
1483. Every night
we spoon for warmth.Copy !req
1484. Everybody fights for Noelle.
She's the fattest.Copy !req
1485. There's nothing
that we don't share.Copy !req
1486. Floor space, dental floss,
even condoms.Copy !req
1487. So, you live in a house.Copy !req
1488. I should have come
and found you sooner.Copy !req
1489. But, baby,
the guy under this mask,Copy !req
1490. he ain't the same one
that you remember.Copy !req
1491. You mean this mask?Copy !req
1492. And this one.Copy !req
1493. In case the other fell off.Copy !req
1494. All right.
Yeah, just... Ow.Copy !req
1495. Like a Band-Aid,
just give it a...Copy !req
1496. Owdie 5,000.Copy !req
1497. Wait, wait, wait...Copy !req
1498. Are you sure?Copy !req
1499. I'm sure.Copy !req
1500. Wow.Copy !req
1501. Yeah.Copy !req
1502. Hey.Copy !req
1503. After a brief
adjustment period...Copy !req
1504. and a bunch of drinks...Copy !req
1505. it's a face...Copy !req
1506. I'd be happy to sit on.Copy !req
1507. I'm not the same
underneath this suit, either.Copy !req
1508. No.Copy !req
1509. Super-penis.Copy !req
1510. Come on, Wade. Language.Copy !req
1511. Young one is present.Copy !req
1512. What are you still doing?Copy !req
1513. Get out of here.
Go make yourself useful!Copy !req
1514. You, go be a really
big brother to someone.Copy !req
1515. Tell Beast to stop
shitting on my lawn.Copy !req
1516. And you,
chicken noodle...Copy !req
1517. Nothing compares to you.Copy !req
1518. Sinead O'Connor, 1990.
Sorry.Copy !req
1519. That's all right.
You're cool.Copy !req
1520. What in the ass?Copy !req
1521. That was not mean.
I'm proud of you!Copy !req
1522. We will make an X-Man
of you yet, Wade.Copy !req
1523. For a second there,Copy !req
1524. it felt like we were
three mini-lion robots...Copy !req
1525. coming together to form
one super robot.Copy !req
1526. There's a stupid.Copy !req
1527. Yeah.Copy !req
1528. And now, for the moment
I've all been waiting for.Copy !req
1529. Come here.Copy !req
1530. Wham! As promised.Copy !req
1531. See?Copy !req
1532. You don't need to be
a superhero to get the girl.Copy !req
1533. The right girl will bring out
the hero in you.Copy !req
1534. Now, let's finish this
epic wide shot. Pull out.Copy !req
1535. There we go, that looks nice.Copy !req
1536. That's gonna be
about the only thingCopy !req
1537. that's pulling out tonight.Copy !req
1538. Who doesn't love
a happy ending, huh?Copy !req
1539. 'Til next time, this isCopy !req
1540. your friendly neighborhood
pool guy singin'...Copy !req
1541. Captioned by DeluxeCopy !req
1542. You're still here?Copy !req
1543. It's over. Go home.Copy !req
1544. Oh, you're expecting
a teaser for Deadpool 2.Copy !req
1545. Well, we don't have
that kind of money.Copy !req
1546. What are you expecting?
Sam Jackson to show up?Copy !req
1547. With an eye patch and a saucy
little leather number?Copy !req
1548. Go. Go.Copy !req
1549. Oh.Copy !req
1550. But I can tell you one thing,
and it's a bit of a secret.Copy !req
1551. For the sequel,
we're gonna have Cable.Copy !req
1552. Amazing character.
Bionic arm, time travel.Copy !req
1553. We have no idea
who we're gonna cast yet,Copy !req
1554. but it could be anybody.Copy !req
1555. Just need a big guy
with a flat top.Copy !req
1556. Could be Mel Gibson,
Dolph Lundgren...Copy !req
1557. Keira Knightley.
She's got range. Who knows.Copy !req
1558. Anyway, big secret. Shh...Copy !req
1559. Oh, and don't leave your
garbage all lying around.Copy !req
1560. It's a total dick move.Copy !req
1561. Go.Copy !req