Dead Ringers (1988)

1. You've heard about sex?

2. Sure, I have.

3. Well I've discovered why sex is.

4. You have?

5. Fantastic.

6. It's because humans don't live underwater.

7. I don't get it.

8. Well, fish don't need sex because they just lay the eggs

9. and fertilize them in the water.

10. Humans can't do that 'cause they don't live in the water.

11. They have to internalize the water,

12. therefore we have sex.

13. So you mean humans wouldn't have sex

14. if they lived in the water?

15. Well they'd have a kind of sex.

16. But the kind where you wouldn't have

17. to touch each other.

18. I like that idea.

19. Have you heard of scuba diving?

20. It's just new.

21. Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

22. Exactly.

23. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

24. Yeah. You ask her.

25. Raffaella.

26. Will you have sex with us in our bathtub?

27. It's an experiment.

28. Are you kidding?

29. Fuck off, you freaks.

30. I'm telling my father you talk dirty.

31. Besides I know for a fact you don't even know what fuck is.

32. They're so different from us.

33. And all because we don't live underwater.

34. The morculum is working superbly.

35. Shall I insert the manticulator?

36. Please.

37. What's the diagnosis?

38. Intra-ovular surgery.

39. Where did you get that instrument?

40. We had it made for us.

41. Really?

42. Might be fine for a cadaver but it won't work

43. with a living patient, I can tell you that.

44. To our fabulous twins, who have as mere undergraduates

45. already brought us glory.

46. And here it is.

47. In solid gold, well, solid gold plate, that is.

48. The Mantle retractor, which is now the standard

49. of the industry.

50. Here's to a brilliant future.

51. Here it is.

52. That's wonderful.

53. Yeah.

54. They got the pivot pin in backwards.

55. Bev, you should have been there.

56. I was.

57. Well, are all the necessary parts there, doc?

58. Yes, they are.

59. Though there are a couple of extra ones that shouldn't be.

60. That's funny.

61. Uh, no.

62. I wasn't joking.

63. Would you excuse me a minute?

64. I'll be right back.

65. Ellie.

66. I want you to look at this woman before you go.

67. I can't Bev, I'm late already.

68. If I fuck up with the chairman's wife,

69. we don't get our grant.

70. She's a trifurcate.

71. I've never seen anything like it.

72. Yeah, I'll be down in a minute, Dr. Mantle.

73. Keep the car waiting would you?

74. Thanks.

75. Is this Claire Niveau?

76. Yeah.

77. The Claire Niveau?

78. Yeah.

79. Ooh.

80. What's she doing here?

81. She's doing a miniseries.

82. She's got three agents and a bodyguard

83. in the waiting room.

84. And her life is empty without children?

85. How did you know?

86. Oh come on Bev, everyone knows that.

87. Don't you ever read The National Enquirer?

88. Star's life empty without children.

89. Well I hope The National Enquirer also explained

90. how we can make her fertile 'cause I don't think I can.

91. I will have to see what I can do.

92. Ellie.

93. What about dinner with the chairman's wife?

94. I guess la bella contessa will have to wait.

95. Right.

96. Let's take another look.

97. Yes.

98. That's fantastic.

99. I've never had anybody say that

100. about the inside of my body before.

101. Surely you've heard of inner beauty?

102. I've often thought there should be beauty contests

103. for the insides of bodies.

104. You know, best spleen.

105. Most perfectly developed kidneys.

106. Why don't we have standards of beauty for the entire

107. human body?

108. Inside and out?

109. I have a feeling you do.

110. So I'll tell him to fuck off, pardon my French.

111. Don't tell him to fuck off.

112. I need the work.

113. This miniseries is paying absolute peanuts.

114. You don't need to be humiliated.

115. I've decided I want to be humiliated.

116. Tell me about my uterus.

117. Well, it has three doorways.

118. Three cervixes leading into three separate compartments

119. in your uterus, that is fabulously rare.

120. Do you have trouble with your periods?

121. Listen, I'm gonna be late for the Axelrod meeting.

122. You'll be okay?

123. Goodbye Leo, remember I need the humiliation

124. as well as the money.

125. I almost never have periods.

126. Once or twice a year, not very enthusiastic ones.

127. Could I have triplets do you think?

128. One in each compartment?

129. No, doesn't work like that.

130. Really?

131. How does it work?

132. How did it go with la bella contessa?

133. Did we get our grant?

134. You were great.

135. Seductive and charming as usual.

136. And I think you've got your grant.

137. Hey, wait a minute.

138. What's this I hear?

139. It's for us, not just for me.

140. It's for Mantle, Inc.

141. Yes, yes.

142. I know.

143. Did she catch on?

144. Ah, contessa.

145. You're looking so, I don't know, Catherine Deneuve.

146. And how is Marcello?

147. Due cappuccini per favore and quickly.

148. The countess is a tigress until she's got

149. her caffeine in the morning.

150. Hey, come on, I'm not that bad.

151. You're a little bit smoother in real life.

152. And the movie star, how is she?

153. She's expecting me for lunch tomorrow.

154. So you're gonna find out for yourself.

155. Oh no.

156. Oh, yes.

157. It's all set up.

158. The production's rented her this little apartment

159. in Rosedale.

160. She will just be getting out of bed.

161. All cozy and warm.

162. Ellie, the clinic's booked to the hilt.

163. We've gotta pay the rent, you know.

164. I'll take your patients.

165. Oh yes.

166. I want you to go.

167. Bev, you've got to try the movie star.

168. She's unbelievable.

169. Don't worry, you'll be alright.

170. Just do me.

171. What did you do to me last night?

172. I'm still vibrating all over.

173. I learnt it from books.

174. I wish more men would read those books.

175. Drink?

176. No, thanks.

177. Well doc.

178. What's the prognosis?

179. Can I have a baby or can't I?

180. You're asking me that now?

181. I-I mean, here?

182. You said the results would be back today.

183. There's no chance that you'll be able to bear children.

184. I'm not surprised.

185. You must have been tested before.

186. They said I wouldn't have an easy time getting pregnant,

187. but I've been taking hormone injections,

188. and I have been extremely promiscuous.

189. I've never used contraceptive devices, I've never even

190. thought contraceptive thoughts.

191. There are other reasons for not sleeping with just...

192. anybody.

193. That's true, you know.

194. I never thought of that.

195. Oh, of course you had a chance to check me out

196. thoroughly...

197. before you jumped on me.

198. Are you that careful?

199. Do you only have affairs with your own patients?

200. No, I was concerned.

201. Am I bad?

202. Is that it?

203. You gonna spank me, doc?

204. It hadn't occurred to me.

205. I've been bad.

206. And I need to be punished.

207. I need to be punished.

208. Danuta.

209. Danuta.

210. Danuta'.

211. Let's put some cold water on your face,

212. you'll feel much better. There we go.

213. Here we go.

214. Ellie.

215. What happened?

216. Oh thank God you're back, Bev.

217. I'm just no good with the serious ones.

218. Why are you back?

219. I'm just no good with the frivolous ones.

220. All she wanted was a little slap on the ass, Bev.

221. Yeah?

222. Yeah well.

223. I began to wonder what the fuck my brother

224. had got us into behind my back.

225. She's an actress Bev, she's a flake.

226. Plays games all the time.

227. You never know who she really is.

228. Yeah.

229. I can see that.

230. You can?

231. Yeah.

232. So when are you gonna see her again?

233. She's called the clinic five times already.

234. I don't know.

235. Perhaps you better go.

236. Wait a minute.

237. This is serious.

238. No, it's not.

239. Yes, it is.

240. If we didn't share women, you'd still be a virgin.

241. No.

242. You'd never get laid on your own.

243. Well I don't get out much.

244. Listen.

245. The beauty of our business is you don't have to get out

246. to meet beautiful women.

247. I can't do that.

248. It's not...

249. Ethical?

250. No.

251. It's not safe.

252. Well, if you don't go and see her.

253. What?

254. I will.

255. And I'll tell her I'm you.

256. And I'll do terrible things to her.

257. What sort of terrible things?

258. Doctor, you've cured me.

259. - What's the matter? - I don't know.

260. What's the matter?

261. I'll never get pregnant.

262. I'll never have children.

263. When I'm dead,

264. I'll just be damned.

265. I will have really never have been a woman at all,

266. just a girl.

267. A little girl.

268. You could always adopt a baby.

269. It wouldn't be a same, it wouldn't be part of my body.

270. Yes, that's true.

271. Don't tell, please don't tell.

272. Anybody about me, please don't tell.

273. I'm so vulnerable.

274. I'm slashed open.

275. Who would I tell? Eh?

276. Who would I tell?

277. And with that seal of approval

278. our fifth bubbly season gets underway.

279. Bigger and bolder than

280. Hey, hey, hey.

281. It's the swinger.

282. Yeah, hi.

283. So?

284. Uh, so it was nice.

285. She's a little crazy but sweet.

286. Tell me all about it.

287. Later.

288. No now'.

289. You might forget something later, some yummy detail.

290. I don't want to tell you about it.

291. You don't what?

292. I want to keep it.

293. For myself.

294. Listen.

295. You haven't had any experience until I've had it too.

296. You haven't fucked Claire Niveau until you tell me about it.

297. Then I haven't fucked Claire Niveau.

298. There's no point to this discussion, Arlene.

299. There is a point.

300. There definitely is a point.

301. You started with me and now you won't carry through.

302. And we have a relationship.

303. But you test out fine.

304. It's your husband's the problem, and all he probably needs

305. is a good sperm wash.

306. If it's only a matter of laundry why are you

307. so opposed to doing it?

308. We don't do husbands.

309. We do female infertility.

310. We do women, that's our specialty.

311. I am a woman, and I want you to take care of me.

312. I trust you.

313. It's hard enough these days to find someone

314. in the medical profession

315. that you can trust.

316. Arlene, that's ... that's, that's wonderful,

317. that's, I mean um, that's really wonderful.

318. But we don't do husbands.

319. We don't deliver babies either, we make women fertile

320. and that's all we do.

321. To achieve anything in life one has to keep life simple.

322. Don't you think?

323. Irrigation.

324. Of course it would be an exaggeration to say

325. that we can make up a new set of Fallopian tubes

326. using just anything that's handy.

327. Those tubes are highly specialized little organs.

328. But with the kind of help we can offer the process,

329. it is possible to modify several other organs.

330. The odd vein, or as today, we're using

331. a femoral lymphatic vessel to take over the function

332. of conveying the egg from the ovary to the uterus.

333. What are you taking?

334. Let me see.

335. Dextroamphetamine resin.

336. Dosage form, capsule, 7.5 milligrams.

337. Use, short term treatment of obesity.

338. Minor side effects, dry mouth, palpitations,

339. restlessness, unpleasant taste in mouth.

340. Major side effects.

341. Sleeplessness, rapid heart beat, euphoria.

342. Do you want one?

343. Where did you learn all that?

344. Doctor, the Physician's Desk Reference is my

345. favorite bedside reading.

346. As a matter of fact, they tell me that there's a high

347. incidence of drug use amongst doctors.

348. Is that true?

349. Yep.

350. Do you take drugs?

351. Nope.

352. Well, for pain.

353. Pain creates character distortion.

354. It's simply not necessary.

355. I'm often in a lot of pain.

356. What kind of pain?

357. I think psychosexual.

358. I'd say that was a pretty astute diagnosis.

359. But I wouldn't recommend you using those

360. for that condition.

361. Who prescribed them for you?

362. When you get to be a famous actress, well,

363. doctors are friendly.

364. You do me a favor?

365. Will you allow me to do the prescribing for you?

366. Thanks Arthur.

367. You've forgotten to sign this, Dr. Mantle.

368. Oh.

369. Sorry.

370. Actually, my name's Dennis.

371. Sorry.

372. I always get you confused.

373. Bye again.

374. If I had a game of squash in Ontario I'd end up a dead man.

375. I may win, but I'd be dead at the end of it.

376. Tired?

377. Yeah, that last one was rough.

378. You there?

379. No, I'll watch the tape.

380. I'll need it to get the FT paper in shape anyway.

381. Boston's yelling at me for it.

382. Hello, Mary.

383. Doctor.

384. Then I'll just need your tissue rejection data.

385. How's that coming along?

386. How about I write the paper one time

387. and you collect the data?

388. Sure.

389. Just say when.

390. Do you wanna see how it's shaping up?

391. No, I trust you to make us look good.

392. I'm exhausted.

393. Too exhausted to see Claire tonight?

394. No.

395. Never.

396. You'll need these.

397. What's that?

398. Butazamine.

399. She's heard that it makes sex come on like Nagasaki.

400. You're not feeding her pills, are you?

401. Listen baby brother.

402. I've got her number.

403. This lady's hustling us for drugs.

404. I don't think that's true at all.

405. I think we should drop her, Bev.

406. You drop her.

407. This is unknown territory we're moving into.

408. Just because some dumb cop handcuffed us together

409. doesn't mean I have to like you.

410. Handcuffs?

411. You don't get it, do you.

412. Listen, honey mud, we're on the run,

413. and until we find the computer release code to this thing

414. we're gonna get to know each other real well.

415. I suggest we learn to like what we see.

416. You're a very self-conscious reader.

417. Just, just loosen up and play.

418. Didn't you ever do routines as a kid?

419. Impersonations?

420. The only impersonation I ever did was my brother.

421. I didn't know you had a brother.

422. Yeah.

423. We're not very close.

424. Beverly.

425. That's a woman's name.

426. Why did your mom give you a woman's name, I wonder?

427. It's not a woman's name, it's spelled differently.

428. Right, but it's still a woman's name.

429. Does your brother have a woman's name too?

430. Merian, spelled with an E and an A?

431. What are you trying to suggest?

432. That I'm gay or something?

433. My mother wanted girls?

434. What the fuck is this bullshit psychoanalysis?

435. Listen, doctor.

436. I think there's something wrong with you.

437. I don't know what it is, I can't put a label on it,

438. but you're subtly, I don't know,

439. schizophrenic or something.

440. Sometimes I like you very much.

441. And sometimes you're amusing lay, not much more.

442. And I can't figure out why.

443. Beverly.

444. One for you.

445. One for me.

446. Please, come this way.

447. My dear.

448. Sit down, have a drink, and tell me everything.

449. I'm not sure I know everything.

450. Well you can start with all this I've been hearing

451. about you and the wonderful Mantle boys.

452. What are you talking about?

453. Claire, this is me, Laura.

454. Please don't be coy, it's tedious.

455. Dear Beverly, dear Elliot.

456. There are those that claim they can't ever tell

457. the difference between them, but not me, dear.

458. It's obvious to me that well, perhaps before I say

459. anything gauche you better tell me which one you're seeing.

460. You mean to say there's two of them?

461. Don't be an ass, dear, of course there's two of them.

462. They're twins, dear.

463. Identical twins.

464. My dear, you've gone absolutely pale.

465. Have I said something?

466. No, no, not at all.

467. Where's that waiter? I want some coffee.

468. Oh, how sick-making.

469. I have said something, haven't I?

470. You know, I could get very fond of Butazamine.

471. Oh.

472. Beverly.

473. Why haven't you told me that your brother

474. isn't just a brother?

475. Ah, that ... that ah, that

476. Yes, that.

477. Never occurred to me, I mean, he is just a brother.

478. Um, is it important?

479. Is it important?

480. I've heard that you live together in the same apartment.

481. Yeah, that's true.

482. We both like Italian furniture.

483. God. Do you sleep in the same bed?

484. Oh Claire, come on.

485. You come on!

486. You told me you and your brother weren't close.

487. And now I find out not only are you identical twins,

488. but you live together in the same apartment.

489. What's he like?

490. Your twin?

491. Well, I mean uh,

492. of course he ... he ... he looks a lot like me.

493. Are you identical psychologically?

494. Um...

495. No, I wouldn't say that.

496. When can I meet him?

497. You can't, I mean, you don't want to.

498. But Beverly, don't you understand?

499. I have to meet him.

500. Why?

501. I want to know everything about you.

502. I don't think it's a good idea.

503. You don't want me to meet your twin?

504. Now why is that?

505. It's ... it's difficult.

506. It's very difficult.

507. That's it, you see.

508. I want to know why it's difficult for you.

509. My button!

510. It's important to me to know why.

511. I suppose I could arrange for you and...

512. Elliot...

513. to have a drink together.

514. Mm mm. Nix, no good.

515. Why?

516. I want to see you two together.

517. He's waiting right there.

518. I know he's gonna have to in the end.

519. Ah, there you are.

520. Here I am.

521. I've been really looking forward to this.

522. Well, Claire Niveau, this is my brother Elliot.

523. Hi, Claire, I hope Bev's told you what a big fan I am

524. of your movies.

525. No, he hasn't.

526. As a matter of fact he hasn't mentioned you at all.

527. Really?

528. That's not very flattering.

529. Well.

530. Are you gonna sit down?

531. Yes, I am.

532. I feel such a fool, actually.

533. I must be the only woman in town who doesn't know

534. about the fabulous Mantle twins.

535. What are you drinking?

536. Nothing.

537. I want to be very sober right at this moment,

538. I want to be very clear.

539. There really isn't any telling you apart, is there?

540. Absolutely identical in every respect.

541. I'm actually a couple of millimeters taller.

542. I bet somebody who knew you both, how shall I put it,

543. knew you both really well could tell the difference,

544. couldn't they?

545. Without measuring your height, I mean.

546. What do you mean?

547. Well Beverly's the sweet one, and you're the shit.

548. Am I right?

549. This is some feisty lady you've found Beverly.

550. Let's be frank, okay Elliot.

551. Let's ease up on the bullshit for one moment.

552. You can be honest with me.

553. After all I am laying both of you, aren't I?

554. Now just hang on a moment.

555. Sweet little act you have.

556. You soften them up with all that smarmy concern

557. and along comes Dracula here and polishes them off.

558. Actually I was the one who fucked you first,

559. but I gave you to my baby brother because you weren't

560. very good.

561. Oh god, oh Claire, let me explain.

562. You absolute shit.

563. Explain what?

564. Explain what?

565. Listen.

566. I've been around a bit, you know, and I thought I'd seen

567. some creepy things go on in the movie business,

568. but I really have to say that this is the most

569. disgusting thing that's ever happened to me.

570. I doubt that.

571. What is it with you, chum?

572. You can't get it up unless your brother's watching?

573. I told you this was a bad idea.

574. Really stupid.

575. I'm leaving.

576. Don't bother.

577. That solves that little problem.

578. Jesus, Bev.

579. Hey.

580. What's going on?

581. I don't know, I'm ... I'm, um, I'm upset.

582. Listen.

583. I'll go and catch up with her.

584. I'll tell her it was all my fault.

585. No.

586. Leave her alone.

587. I'll sort it out.

588. I give you the winner of the 1988 Feldman Award,

589. Dr. Elliot Mantle.

590. I suppose all of us know just how important it is

591. for a practitioner to receive the recognition

592. of his peers.

593. However, I feel that this award tonight

594. is not really for me but rather for those women

595. who have provided that most precious thing,

596. the gift of life.

597. I want to thank Dr. Angus Lawson.

598. Hi, how are you?

599. Who gave me the time to pursue my own research,

600. but most of all I want to thank my brother, my partner,

601. Dr. Beverly Mantle, who, true to form is not here

602. wasting time basking in glory.

603. Here, take mine.

604. But is hard at work at the Mantle Clinic

605. gathering and shaking the data which...

606. Not true.

607. Have made whatever modest success...

608. Not true, I'm here!

609. Sorry.

610. I see Beverly has been doing a little basking after all.

611. And he has a lot to celebrate.

612. He has been recognized as one of North America's

613. leading clinicians.

614. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Beverly Mantle.

615. You alright?

616. Had rather a lot to drink, I just want to say something.

617. I just want to say something.

618. I just want to say something.

619. There's been a fraud perpetrated here tonight.

620. The whole thing's a fraud!

621. He's Beverly and I'm Elliot!

622. Just say thank you and get off.

623. No, I want to say something else,

624. I want to say something else.

625. Lot of you are probably wondering

626. how we divide the work.

627. It's like this.

628. I slave over the hot snatches,

629. and Elliot makes the speeches.

630. For God's sake.

631. I do everything for those bimbos except take them home

632. and stick it in them.

633. He's clearly been doing a lot of celebrating.

634. And who can blame him.

635. Thank you so much, thank you.

636. I'm sorry about the catastrophe last night.

637. It's true, I had to smooth a few ruffled feathers

638. this morning.

639. But now, baby brother, for the good news.

640. Lawson has finally offered me the associate professorship

641. at the hospital.

642. One vodka martini, Dr. Mantle.

643. Thank you, Sean.

644. Are you going to accept?

645. Of course I'm going to accept.

646. It's the next step to chairman of the department.

647. What about the practice?

648. Practice goes on as before.

649. Except you're not there.

650. Well, I mean as much that's true.

651. I'm not eating.

652. You alright?

653. Yeah, I'm fine.

654. What are those?

655. Dex.

656. I'm tired, want one?

657. Uh... No, thanks.

658. Listen, if I can fly around, teach, and do research,

659. surely you can find time for a few more patients, eh?

660. Sure.

661. Why not.

662. Good God!

663. - I didn't know you were here. - Shh Shh

664. Shh, shh, Ellie's asleep.

665. His plane doesn't go til noon.

666. I didn't realize you two were so friendly.

667. We're not so friendly.

668. You gonna take a shower?

669. Um...

670. No, I, uh... You go ahead.

671. Okay.

672. See ya.

673. It seems so cold and empty.

674. You can call it empty or you can call it clean.

675. Sculpture.

676. It's a question of the individual

677. nervous system, I think.

678. Course that presupposes one has

679. an individual nervous system.

680. Please?

681. Uh, thank you, I'll think about it.

682. Claire?

683. Yes.

684. Oh.

685. It's you.

686. Or should I say, which one of you is it?

687. Please Claire, don't.

688. You still doing the miniseries?

689. Reshoots.

690. Director didn't know what he was doing.

691. Well?

692. Tell me how sorry you are.

693. Tell me how much you miss me.

694. My brother and I have always shared everything.

695. I'm not a thing.

696. I mean people.

697. Experiences.

698. It's never bothered me before now.

699. It's different with me, is it?

700. Yes.

701. Yes, it is.

702. Is Elliot jealous of me?

703. Is he worried I'll steal you away from him?

704. No, he offered to come and talk to you for me.

705. To patch things up.

706. That would have been amusing.

707. Why didn't he?

708. I wouldn't let him.

709. Were you afraid I might like him as much as I like you?

710. Or maybe

711. when it came down to it

712. I couldn't see the difference?

713. No.

714. It doesn't work that way between us.

715. I think it does.

716. I think you two have never come to terms

717. with the way it really does work between you.

718. No.

719. Not while he's here.

720. I don't want him to see us.

721. It's alright.

722. I'll just separate you.

723. Separate us?

724. What do you mean?

725. What's the matter?

726. Oh, oh, oh, oh,

727. - oh, God! - What happened?

728. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was dreaming.

729. What about?

730. About Elliot.

731. What happened?

732. Oh, don't, don't, don't.

733. - Don't do that. - Come to bed.

734. Come here.

735. I don't want to dream that again, that's all.

736. I can't.

737. What's that?

738. Seconal.

739. I guarantee you you won't dream.

740. Come to bed.

741. Don't let me dream that again.

742. The message then that clearly emerges from these

743. complex encounters between physician and patient

744. is that there is not only a place in the clinic,

745. but indeed a demand for a philosophy.

746. A philosophy which mixes compassionate curiosity

747. with social responsibility.

748. I think they'll soon discover they're gonna have to.

749. Yeah.

750. Yeah, look, uh David, I've got to go.

751. Yeah, I've got company.

752. I'll talk to you tomorrow, bye.

753. Dr. Elliot Mantle?

754. Yes.

755. Special order from Escort Embassy.

756. I'm Mimsy and this is my sister, Coral.

757. Hi.

758. Would you like some of this?

759. Sure.

760. Listen, so that I know which one of you is which,

761. I'd like you...

762. Coral.

763. Coral.

764. To call me Ellie.

765. And you, Mimsy, to call me Bev.

766. - Shit. - Watch it.

767. - She's got it, Beverly - It's okay.

768. That was a near thing, you okay?

769. YEAH, I'M FINE.

770. Thought you were a little shaky there for a second.

771. Beverly, it's past 9.

772. You're late, got to get up.

773. I need something to get me up.

774. You know where it is.

775. Claire, you call Danuta?

776. Tell her to cancel my first three patients.

777. I'll never make it.

778. Can't eat.

779. What's wrong?

780. I don't know, I can't eat.

781. If you don't know, I do.

782. Too many sleepers last night.

783. That's what.

784. Look who's talking.

785. Maybe you oughta take a week off.

786. Just stop everything.

787. I'm serious.

788. I'll talk to Ellie when he gets back.

789. Couldn't do anything before then.

790. Elliot is back.

791. He called here for you while you were in the shower.

792. You spoke to him?

793. I couldn't help it, could I?

794. I explained to him that you were staying here with me

795. for a few days.

796. How did he react?

797. Civilized.

798. He apologized for the scene in the bar,

799. and I more or less accepted his apology.

800. Where are you going?

801. Leo's in town.

802. I told you about Leo, and my Georgia picture.

803. We're real close to a deal.

804. Claire, don't go.

805. I want you to stay.

806. Beverly, I can't.

807. Okay, yeah.

808. Could you tell me which is the make-up trailer?

809. This one here?

810. Yes, who are you looking for?

811. Miss Niveau.

812. Is she expecting you?

813. Yes, she is.

814. Wardrobe.

815. We need him immediately.

816. Fascinating stuff.

817. Lucky old Bev, he gets to rub up against the magic.

818. He seems totally uninterested.

819. Bev's not into art.

820. You are?

821. I am into glamour.

822. The art of glamour.

823. Well, here it is.

824. I was surprised you wanted to see me.

825. Give us a few minutes, please.

826. I like your brother very much.

827. And I thought it would be good for you and me

828. to be friends, if we can.

829. I think we can.

830. There's something else.

831. I'm going away to do another film, and I'm worried

832. about leaving Beverly alone.

833. Bev's not alone.

834. No, you're right, he's not alone.

835. But he's lonely.

836. Even with me.

837. He's developing a serious little drug problem,

838. did you realize that?

839. Thought you were the one with the drug problem.

840. It's an occupational hazard.

841. The same goes for Beverly.

842. You resent me tremendously, don't you?

843. You contribute a confusing element

844. to the Mantle brothers' saga.

845. Possibly a destructive one.

846. It's not personal, I think you're terrific.

847. But I just don't have a role in the Mantle brothers' saga.

848. I suppose...

849. if you liked us both in the same way,

850. might make things easier.

851. It has been known to happen.

852. I'm sorry, but I can't.

853. Am I really that different from Beverly?

854. You really are.

855. Claire, let me come to the airport.

856. Beverly, please, no public goodbyes.

857. 10 weeks is such a long time.

858. I'll fly up whenever there's a break.

859. Claire.

860. Let's not lose each other.

861. Birchall, will you please explain to my director

862. and my wardrobe person that I am not about to do this movie

863. dressed like a 10 dollar hooker.

864. Miss Niveau is not about to do this movie

865. dressed like a 10 dollar hooker.

866. Claire, you will admit at least that your character

867. thinks of herself as a kind of emotional hooker.

868. I do more than admit it.

869. I'm the one who pointed it out to this wardrobe person.

870. But she's so bloody literal minded.

871. Wardrobe person?

872. She called me wardrobe person?

873. Hello, Niveau suite.

874. Hello?

875. Hello?

876. Have you examined her carefully yet?

877. What?

878. Who is this?

879. I'm her gynecologist.

880. You're what?

881. I'm Claire Niveau's gynecologist.

882. Did you know that she was a trifurcate?

883. I'd have to classify that as a mutation.

884. What exactly is this?

885. Is that you, Byron?

886. Carefully lubricate the two prime fingers

887. of your right hand

888. and insert them into Claire Niveau's vagina.

889. Instead of feeling one cervical head,

890. you will feel three.

891. Basically, this means that you have been fucking a mutant!

892. Oh, doctor, I'm sorry.

893. I thought you were ready to see Mrs. Randall.

894. Mrs. Randall.

895. Please come and sit down, I don't think we've met.

896. Let me introduce myself.

897. I'm one of the Mantle twins.

898. A lesion, not surprisingly, causes diffuse

899. enlargement of the cervix

900. and of course our old friend, leucorrhoea.

901. Until very recently, diagnosis tended to be done

902. after a histological examination of the removed organ,

903. a case, you may say, of throwing the baby out

904. with the bathwater.

905. I'm sorry doctor, but your brother is waiting for you in

906. your office.

907. I think you better go see him.

908. Bev, what are you doing here?

909. What's wrong?

910. I've been hiding out at Claire's.

911. I've been hiding from you.

912. Hiding?

913. What are you talking about?

914. I was afraid of you.

915. I was afraid you wouldn't let me have her.

916. That's crazy, Bev.

917. It is crazy because...

918. yesterday...

919. yesterday...

920. I found out that she was having an affair.

921. She's unfaithful to me, Ellie.

922. Bev, you mustn't take it so seriously.

923. She's a showbiz lady.

924. What can you expect?

925. I'm in love with her.

926. I have to take it seriously.

927. Can't be love if it does this to you, can it?

928. Can't be love, Bev.

929. You're right, Ellie.

930. I was hiding from the wrong person.

931. Dance?

932. No.

933. Go ahead.

934. Go on Bev, dance with the girl.

935. What's the matter, Bev?

936. I just can't.

937. Bev, stay with us.

938. Stay with me.

939. Bev.

940. He collapsed.

941. Fuck, he's not breathing.

942. Don't touch him, he's my brother!

943. Come on, Bev.

944. Bev, Bev.

945. Ellie.

946. Thank God you're here.

947. Oh God.

948. Oh Bev.

949. Look at you, you're a mess, you're a wreck.

950. You could have had a stroke, Bev.

951. You're lucky to be in one piece.

952. One piece.

953. Bev.

954. We can't let anyone know about the drugs.

955. If that gets out, we're finished.

956. How would they know?

957. I had to fight them off to stop them taking a blood sample

958. but I can't stay here day and night.

959. We've got to get you off the pills

960. without anybody knowing.

961. Do you think I'm really addicted?

962. I'll put you on a detox program.

963. Supervise it myself.

964. Here you go.

965. Darling, you must tell me what's going on.

966. Mother, I'm at the end of my rope.

967. I can't live in that house another second.

968. Every relationship has its ups and downs, dear.

969. Bev, there's a couple of things you're going to have to...

970. Why are you taking that apart?

971. Ellie.

972. I can't sleep.

973. If you're asking me for a sleeper, I'll tell you right now

974. you're not gonna get one.

975. What am I gonna do then?

976. You'll stay up.

977. Ellie, I'll die if I don't sleep.

978. You'll stay up.

979. What if I take something when you go home?

980. I'm staying right here.

981. What if I take something when you go to sleep?

982. I won't go to sleep.

983. How will you stay awake?

984. I'll take something'.

985. You'll take an up so that I don't take a down?

986. This is crazy.

987. Bev, don't worry about me, I'm not you.

988. And don't destroy that.

989. Oh, that really hurts.

990. This?

991. This hurts?

992. I don't know exactly what it is, it's hurting.

993. Mrs. Bookman, this is a solid gold Mantle retractor.

994. Solid gold.

995. It's the best there is.

996. This clinic's the best there is.

997. I mean, we have the technology.

998. Couldn't possibly hurt.

999. I didn't mean to question it.

1000. When did you last have a period?

1001. I haven't had one in four or five months.

1002. And does it hurt?

1003. When you have intercourse?

1004. Yes, it does.

1005. Where was I?

1006. You asked me whether or not it hurt when I had intercourse

1007. and I said it did.

1008. Yes.

1009. What exactly did you have intercourse with?

1010. What do you mean?

1011. I just wondered.

1012. I was once asked to treat a woman who had had intercourse

1013. with a Labrador retriever,

1014. and I thought...

1015. maybe...

1016. You used this on Mrs. Bookman?

1017. Yes.

1018. Bev, this is not for internals, remember?

1019. This is for surgical retraction.

1020. No wonder it hurt her.

1021. No, no.

1022. It's not the...

1023. There's nothing the matter with the instrument,

1024. it's the body.

1025. The woman's body was all wrong.

1026. Yes, I think you'll find his work quite interesting.

1027. Mm hmm.

1028. Why don't you drop by later on this evening?

1029. Alright, just a moment please.

1030. May I help you?

1031. Yes, I wondered if you could put me in touch

1032. with Mr. Wolleck.

1033. Ah, your timing's perfect.

1034. Mr. Wolleck is right over there.

1035. He's working on a new piece.

1036. That's Mr. Wolleck?

1037. - He works here? - Mm hmm.

1038. It's part of his show.

1039. I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

1040. I was wondering if you could help me with these.

1041. Fascinating.

1042. They're quite beautiful.

1043. What are they?

1044. They're gynecological instruments.

1045. For working on mutant women.

1046. Mutant women?

1047. That's a great theme for a show.

1048. It's not for a show.

1049. It's not art.

1050. I'm a doctor, I need them for my work.

1051. Well that's a little out of my line.

1052. What do you want me to do?

1053. Well, I need three dimensional prototypes

1054. in surgical steel, cast, hand-finished, functioning.

1055. And I thought maybe...

1056. Aren't there large companies in this town

1057. that could help you?

1058. No, no, no, I can't go to them'.

1059. It's too radical for them.

1060. We've always been too radical.

1061. I mean, I can't, it's too, it's too complicated.

1062. I think maybe we could work something out.

1063. I have just about had it with the bullshit

1064. I'm getting from this office.

1065. Now I have asked you 10 times to transfer

1066. my wife's records to the Mt. Sinai,

1067. you just haven't done it.

1068. Now they refuse to admit her without those records,

1069. just what is going on here?

1070. Mr. Glaser, I'm so sorry, the doctors assured me

1071. they'd already been sent.

1072. Bullshit!

1073. Now I want those files in my hand before I leave here.

1074. Mr. Glaser, I assure you I'll do everything I can.

1075. Not now.

1076. Doctor, I have to speak to you.

1077. Not now!

1078. Doctor, I'm giving you my notice.

1079. I won't work under these conditions.

1080. Fine.

1081. Fine.

1082. We're all set, Beverly.

1083. We'll use these.

1084. Give us the tools and we will do the job.

1085. I'm ... I'm afraid I'm not familiar with these instruments, doctor.

1086. I've just had them made.

1087. They're brand new.

1088. Well, number them one to ten from left to right.

1089. And give me the one that I ask for.

1090. Give me number five.

1091. Now, please!

1092. Yes, number five.

1093. Number five.

1094. Jesus Christ, Beverly!

1095. I've gotta slow everything down.

1096. I need something to slow everything down.

1097. Let go!

1098. Oh my God, she's bleeding.

1099. Get a clamp for God's sake.

1100. Get him the hell out of here!

1101. I am more than willing to apologize for my behavior.

1102. I have been working too hard.

1103. I must be more realistic about my energy levels

1104. and about my ability to concentrate

1105. for long periods of time under pressure.

1106. I must add, however, that these accusations laid

1107. before me arise out of a lack of understanding

1108. of the radical techniques my brother and I are known for,

1109. and I think it would be fair to say there's a certain

1110. amount of professional jealousy involved,

1111. as well.

1112. That's fine, sir.

1113. Yes, we've always intended to ease ourselves

1114. into pure research anyway.

1115. No.

1116. No, I don't think that'll be necessary,

1117. you have our cooperation.

1118. They didn't buy it, Bev.

1119. I think they knew it was me.

1120. Listen, we could have killed her.

1121. They said the woman could have died.

1122. They're lying.

1123. They've always been jealous.

1124. They won't revoke our hospital privileges

1125. as long as we don't ever use them again.

1126. Fuck 'em.

1127. We've always planned to ease ourselves

1128. into pure research anyway.

1129. I certainly always planned it, didn't you?

1130. Seems to be some problem with our surgical instruments.

1131. They're holding them as evidence of a disturbed mind.

1132. Do you know what they're talking about?

1133. I tried to tell you, Ellie.

1134. You just don't know the kind of patients we've been

1135. getting lately.

1136. I don't know what's going on out there.

1137. Patients are getting strange.

1138. They look alright on the outside, but their insides.

1139. They're deformed.

1140. Well I had to deal with it somehow!

1141. Radical technology was required!

1142. You're right, Bev.

1143. Something radical is definitely required.

1144. Right, I want you to take three of these now.

1145. Take three around 7 this evening.

1146. Three before you go to sleep.

1147. And three when you wake up in the morning.

1148. Yes, doctor.

1149. Can I trust you to do that or have I got to sit here

1150. and watch you?

1151. Don't know.

1152. Can you trust me?

1153. Oh God.

1154. Don't do this to me, Bev.

1155. But I'm only doing it to me, Ellie.

1156. Don't you have a will of your own?

1157. Why don't you just go on with your very own life?

1158. Do you remember the original Siamese twins?

1159. Chang and Eng.

1160. They were joined at the chest.

1161. Remember how they died?

1162. Mmm.

1163. Chang died of a stroke

1164. in the middle of the night.

1165. He was always the sickly one.

1166. He was always the one who drank too much.

1167. When Eng woke up beside him

1168. and found that his brother was dead,

1169. he died of fright.

1170. Right there in the bed.

1171. Does that answer your question?

1172. Poor Ellie.

1173. Poor Bev.

1174. Everything's under control,

1175. I don't see what the problem is.

1176. Now the hospital's getting complaints

1177. about your private practice.

1178. They've even approached me, informally of course,

1179. off the record of course.

1180. They asked me all about Bev.

1181. Is he a junkie, everything.

1182. Course you didn't tell them anything.

1183. Of course not.

1184. But you can't go on insulating yourselves.

1185. They're gonna nail you.

1186. They're gonna be forced to nail you.

1187. The clinic's none of their business.

1188. It's getting hard to tell the two of you apart.

1189. What'd you do that for?

1190. It's my favorite fucking program'.

1191. Ellie, Ellie, Ellie.

1192. You haven't done anything wrong.

1193. Look, your reputation is separate from Bev's.

1194. You've still got a career.

1195. Career.

1196. My brother's research is the basis of my career.

1197. I need him.

1198. Besides.

1199. The truth is nobody can tell us apart.

1200. We are perceived as one person.

1201. If Bev goes down the tubes, I go with him.

1202. Got to get him back.

1203. I think that's too dangerous for you.

1204. I think you're the last person on earth

1205. who should try to do that.

1206. You've got to stay away from him now.

1207. Sure, look, find him some help, but for God's sakes,

1208. Elliot, you've got to cut yourself loose.

1209. That wouldn't work.

1210. - Why? Just... - Now look

1211. don't you get it yet?

1212. Whatever's in his bloodstream goes directly into mine.

1213. You can't be serious?

1214. That is an objective medical observation.

1215. No, no, no!

1216. That's not true.

1217. You're making it true, but it's not true.

1218. Look.

1219. You don't put these in your mouth,

1220. they don't end up in your bloodstream.

1221. Beverly and I just have to get synchronized.

1222. Once we're synchronized it'll be easy.

1223. Hello?

1224. Who is this?

1225. It's Beverly.

1226. Beverly, it's Claire.

1227. I'm back.

1228. Claire?

1229. Beverly, why haven't I been able to reach you?

1230. Why haven't you called me?

1231. Claire.

1232. Why did you betray me?

1233. What are you talking about?

1234. That...

1235. That man.

1236. That man in your hotel room.

1237. Oh, my God.

1238. Was that you who called?

1239. That was my secretary Birchall.

1240. He's defiantly gay,

1241. and you managed to gross him out completely.

1242. Beverly, I want you to come and see me.

1243. Come to me right now.

1244. Yeah?

1245. Mr. Verdue?

1246. Yeah?

1247. This is Dr. Mantle.

1248. Oh yeah.

1249. I know this sounds awfully silly

1250. but I'm afraid there's been a terrible mix-up.

1251. I've locked myself into the clinic.

1252. Um, I was wondering if you'd mind coming up

1253. and letting me out.

1254. I'll be right there.

1255. Dr. Mantle?

1256. It's me, Verdue.

1257. Just a minute, Mr. Verdue.

1258. Okay, I think something's stuck there.

1259. What's going on in there?

1260. You know, endless renovations.

1261. Oh, yeah.

1262. Um, you better lock it.

1263. Yeah, sure.

1264. Are you coming down?

1265. Yeah.

1266. Hey, are you alright?

1267. Yes.

1268. I'm fine.

1269. Don't look so hot.

1270. I'm fine!

1271. Thank you.

1272. You're the doctor.

1273. Excuse me, what are you doing?

1274. - They're mine. - They've been sold!

1275. They're mine, and I'm taking them.

1276. They made another.

1277. They're mine and I'm taking them!

1278. They're...

1279. They're not yours!

1280. They're not yours!

1281. Claire.

1282. Beverly, my love, what's wrong with you?

1283. I've got to have some seconal.

1284. I'm so sorry Beverly.

1285. No, please, I've got to have some.

1286. - I don't have anything at all. - Oh.

1287. Oh fuck!

1288. It's alright, it's okay.

1289. I'll write the prescription for you.

1290. They'll fill it for you.

1291. I've got to have them Claire.

1292. Don't tell Elliot that I'm here.

1293. Why?

1294. I think he's becoming a drug addict.

1295. I think he's becoming dangerous.

1296. Give me a call

1297. around lunchtime. See you later.

1298. Are you sure he didn't call?

1299. I'm sure.

1300. That's not like Elliot.

1301. It's been almost a week.

1302. You know Elliot I would have expected him to be here,

1303. kicking the door in by now.

1304. Well, I haven't heard a word from him.

1305. Didn't call when I was asleep?

1306. No.

1307. Tell me about...

1308. these...

1309. these tools.

1310. Tools?

1311. Surgical instruments.

1312. You had them with you when you came.

1313. Did I?

1314. Yes.

1315. What are they for?

1316. They're for separating Siamese twins.

1317. I must go back.

1318. Don't go back.

1319. Stay here.

1320. I must go now.

1321. I'll take these.

1322. I'll come back.

1323. Your brother won't let you come back.

1324. How could he stop me?

1325. Welcome home, kid.

1326. You've got to take a shot of dilantin tonight,

1327. otherwise we might convulse.

1328. Right.

1329. Don't forget.

1330. Right.

1331. Then we go to percodan in the morning.

1332. Right.

1333. Then in the afternoon we have a little treat.

1334. Dilaudid, just because it's Saturday.

1335. So on Monday we kick, right?

1336. We agreed, we have to start to pull things

1337. back together then.

1338. Oh yes.

1339. On Monday we definitely kick.

1340. How 'bout some cake?

1341. I could go for that.

1342. And some orange pop.

1343. Some ice cream.

1344. We haven't got any ice cream, Ellie.

1345. Mummy forgot to buy it.

1346. I want some ice cream.

1347. Happy birthday, Ellie.

1348. It's not our birthday, Bev.

1349. Yes, it is.

1350. Happy birthday, baby brother.

1351. We are about the separate the Siamese twins.

1352. Don't forget the good part.

1353. Oh yes.

1354. Chang was always most concerned about dulling the pain.

1355. Don't waste it.

1356. Tell me when it takes effect.

1357. Don't think I'll notice it.

1358. You can start when you like.

1359. Do you think the morticulator is required, Eng?

1360. I think everything is required, Chang.

1361. Why are you you crying, Eng?

1362. Separation can be a...

1363. terrifying thing.

1364. Don't worry, baby brother.

1365. We'll always,

1366. we'll always be together.

1367. Ellie.

1368. I had a terrible dream.

1369. Ellie.

1370. Ellie.

1371. Ellie.

1372. Ellie.

1373. Ellie.

1374. Ellie.

1375. Ellie.

1376. Ellie.

1377. Ellie.

1378. Ellie.

1379. Ellie.

1380. Ellie.

1381. Ellie.

1382. Ellie.

1383. Ellie.

1384. Ellie.

1385. Ellie.

1386. Ellie.

1387. Ellie.

1388. Ellie.

1389. Ellie.

1390. Ellie.

1391. Ellie.

1392. Ellie.

1393. Ellie.

1394. Hello?

1395. Hello?

1396. Who is this?