1. It was a quiet day at the Rigby
Reardon Detective Agency.Copy !req
2. I had a hangover, and business was so
slow I was rereading old newspapers.Copy !req
3. I was even thinking of closing
up the office for a few days...Copy !req
4. when all of a sudden...Copy !req
5. - Mr Reardon?
- That's right.Copy !req
6. My...Copy !req
7. My name... my...Copy !req
8. In all my years in the business,
I'd never seen anything like her.Copy !req
9. Was she real? There was
only one way to find out.Copy !req
10. But I remembered Marlowe's words.Copy !req
11. What the hell does Marlowe know?Copy !req
12. She was real all right.Copy !req
13. What are you doing?Copy !req
14. Adjusting your breasts.Copy !req
15. You fainted and they...
shifted all outta whack.Copy !req
16. - There.
- Thank you.Copy !req
17. You're welcome.Copy !req
18. Thank you. I... I apologise
for my dramatic entrance.Copy !req
19. It's just when I saw the...
newspaper headlines...Copy !req
20. - You must be quite a Dodgers fan.
- No, I saw... the front page.Copy !req
21. - What's your name, Dollface?
- Juliet Forrest.Copy !req
22. Forrest...Copy !req
23. Daughter of the big cheesemaker. You
could use a cup of my famous java.Copy !req
24. Cheese was Daddy's hobby.
He was a scientist.Copy !req
25. - Quite an accident he had.
- That's what I came to see you about.Copy !req
26. You don't think it was an accident.
You think he was murdered.Copy !req
27. How did you know?Copy !req
28. It's my business to know,
Miss Forrest. Sit down.Copy !req
29. What makes you think
it wasn't an accident?Copy !req
30. Just before it... it happened...Copy !req
31. he behaved very erratically, writing
out lists of names, dozens of them.Copy !req
32. He wrote them on blotters and
scratch pads, whatever was handy.Copy !req
33. Here's one of the lists...
or part of one.Copy !req
34. It's from a dollar bill.Copy !req
35. Somehow I got the feeling he was
the victim of a giant conspiracy.Copy !req
36. You deducted murder and a
giant conspiracy from this?Copy !req
37. You think I'm too impulsive,
don't you, Mr Reardon?Copy !req
38. Maybe.Copy !req
39. Maybe not.Copy !req
40. If you want me to investigate your
father's death, I get $10 a day.Copy !req
41. Plus expenses.Copy !req
42. Will $200 be enough in
advance, Mr Reardon?Copy !req
43. - For $200 I'd shoot my grandmother.
- That won't be necessary.Copy !req
44. You never can tell. On my last case, I
had to throw my brother out of a plane.Copy !req
45. Where'd your father keep
his correspondence?Copy !req
46. He had a small private office
downtown. Here's the key.Copy !req
47. Thank you, Mr Reardon.
I appreciate this.Copy !req
48. - Miss Forrest?
- Yes?Copy !req
49. Save me some shoe leather if you
told me what address this key fits.Copy !req
50. It was 429 Firehouse Row.Copy !req
51. Pretty seedy part of town
for a renowned scientist.Copy !req
52. It was the only place he could
experiment with cheese...Copy !req
53. without the smell
bothering the neighbours.Copy !req
54. I'll see what I can turn up.Copy !req
55. Good day, Mr Reardon.Copy !req
56. On my way to Firehouse Row, I tried
not to think of Juliet Forrest.Copy !req
57. I hadn't seen a body like that...Copy !req
58. since I'd solved the case of the
murdered girl with the big tits.Copy !req
59. I had no trouble finding
Dr Forrest's cheese lab.Copy !req
60. It smelled like the
number on the door.Copy !req
61. Inside, I turned up
something interesting.Copy !req
62. "To John Forrest, a dear man who, like
his cheeses, gets stronger with age."Copy !req
63. "Love, Kitty."Copy !req
64. So the old renowned scientist
was getting a little on the side.Copy !req
65. "Enemies of Carlotta."Copy !req
66. "Friends of Carlotta."Copy !req
67. "Kitty Collins"?Copy !req
68. Sounds like company.Copy !req
69. Exterminator.Copy !req
70. Just a minute.Copy !req
71. Come in.Copy !req
72. Sit down.Copy !req
73. There's some cookies on the table.Copy !req
74. Have one.Copy !req
75. Good, aren't they?Copy !req
76. Guess to be a really good exterminator
you have to enjoy killing things.Copy !req
77. Yeah.Copy !req
78. - Yes?
- I'd like to see Miss Forrest.Copy !req
79. - Who shall I say is calling?
- Mr Reardon. Tell her I've been shot.Copy !req
80. Very good, sir.Copy !req
81. - May I tell her by whom?
- No. I don't know myself.Copy !req
82. Are you all right? You look as
though you're going to faint.Copy !req
83. Faint? Ha!Copy !req
84. Never.Copy !req
85. - Catch me.
- Sorry.Copy !req
86. I'm a butler... not a catcher.Copy !req
87. Dollface...Copy !req
88. What are you doing?Copy !req
89. It should feel better now.Copy !req
90. - Where'd you learn that?
- At camp.Copy !req
91. - You learned that at girls' camp?
- It's really for snakebite, but...Copy !req
92. I find it works for everything.Copy !req
93. You mumbled about Kitty Collins and
Swede Anderson being on a list.Copy !req
94. - "Friends of Carlotta"?
- That's right. Do you know them?Copy !req
95. Kitty was...Copy !req
96. Kitty was someone Daddy trifled
with after Mother dried up.Copy !req
97. And Swede was Kitty's boyfriend.Copy !req
98. Where are they now?Copy !req
99. The last I heard, they
were in Santa Barbara.Copy !req
100. He used to be a boxer. Now
he works in a gas station...Copy !req
101. And she sings in a private club.Copy !req
102. You may be interested in this.
I found it in Daddy's study.Copy !req
103. "Thanks for the check.
In case I'm indisposed..."Copy !req
104. "... the dollar you gave me for safekeeping
is in the top of the sugar bowl."Copy !req
105. - "Shh."
- Why?Copy !req
106. No. This.Copy !req
107. No, no, no. That's not "Shh."
It's S-H-H. Samuel H Hastings.Copy !req
108. My brother-in-law.
Or at least he was.Copy !req
109. He and my sister Leona are
separated. He's a hopeless drunk.Copy !req
110. - Where is he now?
- I don't know.Copy !req
111. Get your sister Leona for me.Copy !req
112. All right.Copy !req
113. I'm afraid she may not
be very much help.Copy !req
114. - She's very disturbed.
- How disturbed?Copy !req
115. She's been diagnosed as a
paranoid hypochondriac.Copy !req
116. - Doctors think she may be faking.
- I'll know after one word if she is.Copy !req
117. - Hello?
- She's faking.Copy !req
118. Mrs Hastings? My name's Reardon.
Sorry to hear your father's passed on.Copy !req
119. No, he hasn't. He won't
be back till Sunday.Copy !req
120. Sunday? You don't
understand, Mrs Hastings.Copy !req
121. I'm investigating
your father's death.Copy !req
122. My father called me from Chicago
tonight. He never mentioned a word!Copy !req
123. Maybe it slipped his mind.Copy !req
124. Look, uh, your father
is dead, Mrs Hastings.Copy !req
125. Your sister Juliet feels his
death wasn't an accident.Copy !req
126. What are you talking about?Copy !req
127. I had a long talk with him
just a little while ago.Copy !req
128. - He told me terrible things about you.
- Listen, you phony fruitcake!Copy !req
129. Sorry I called you a fruitcake.
I just don't have time to listen to...Copy !req
130. All right, don't listen! Who cares?Copy !req
131. Your sister has a lot to
learn about phone courtesy.Copy !req
132. You got any idea how
I could locate Sam?Copy !req
133. You might ask the bartenders
along 5th Street.Copy !req
134. I'll call you if
I turn up anything.Copy !req
135. Oh... If I'm not home, leave a message
with the butler or the cleaning woman.Copy !req
136. Cleaning woman.Copy !req
137. Cleaning woman.Copy !req
138. Cleaning woman.Copy !req
139. Cleaning woman! Cleaning woman!Copy !req
140. Cleaning woman! Cleaning woman!Copy !req
141. Cleaning woman! Cleaning woman!Copy !req
142. Sorry.Copy !req
143. Why did you do that?Copy !req
144. When I was seven years old...Copy !req
145. my father ran off
with the cleaning...Copy !req
146. My mother died of a broken heart.Copy !req
147. Now every time someone
says cleaning...Copy !req
148. - ... I go berserk.
- Oh! You poor dear.Copy !req
149. I don't blame you
for strangling me.Copy !req
150. I'll never say it again.Copy !req
151. Thanks.Copy !req
152. So long, Dollface.Copy !req
153. I legged it down 5th Street
looking for Samuel H Hastings.Copy !req
154. It was a street of frustrated
hopes and broken dreams.Copy !req
155. Everything was cheap, cut-rate. Even
the prostitutes were having a sale.Copy !req
156. There was no problem finding Hastings.
He owed money to every bartender.Copy !req
157. He was staying at the Hotel Ward on 5th
Street. It used to be on 8th Street...Copy !req
158. But they took so many rubber checks,
it bounced all the way across town.Copy !req
159. I went to his room and knocked.Copy !req
160. - Hastings? Sam Hastings?
- Who is it?Copy !req
161. My name is Reardon. I...
have a proposition for ya.Copy !req
162. But not today. Does
it have to be today?Copy !req
163. - Yeah.
- Come on Monday.Copy !req
164. - I got that money for ya.
- What money?Copy !req
165. There's a dollar bill
hidden in your sugar bowl.Copy !req
166. I'll give you five bucks for it.Copy !req
167. - You could buy a lotta booze with that.
- Just a minute.Copy !req
168. Look in the top.Copy !req
169. It fits perfectly. Most of
the names are illegible...Copy !req
170. But I can work out Kitty
Collins and Swede Anderson.Copy !req
171. But what does "FOC" mean?Copy !req
172. It's a slang word. When a man and a
woman are in love, the man puts his...Copy !req
173. No, no. Written here. F-O-C.Copy !req
174. Oh. Unless I miss my guess, that
stands for "Friends of Carlotta".Copy !req
175. - I'm impressed.
- You think that's impressive...Copy !req
176. There I was, standing like a kid
doing corny tricks for her...Copy !req
177. Driving miles out of my
way just to see her.Copy !req
178. Why?Copy !req
179. What are you thinking, Mr Reardon?Copy !req
180. So long, Dollface. I'll be in
Santa Barbara if you need me.Copy !req
181. I found out Kitty Collins was
working at the Brentwood Room.Copy !req
182. The Brentwood Room.Copy !req
183. Where rich women go to meet rich
men so they can have rich kids.Copy !req
184. Miss Collins?Copy !req
185. Kitty wouldn't give me any information
if she thought I was a private eye...Copy !req
186. Excuse me.Copy !req
187. So I decided to act like a
big-shot movie producer.Copy !req
188. - My name's Reardon. I make movies.
- How wonderful of you.Copy !req
189. - You like boxing pictures?
- I'm afraid I've never seen one.Copy !req
190. I'm casting a big boxing picture at RKO.
I'm looking for a singer. You interested?Copy !req
191. The idea of two men beating each
other to a pulp makes me ill.Copy !req
192. Well, I'm also doing
a religious picture.Copy !req
193. The Story of Saint... Betty.Copy !req
194. You know, the... nun who
taught the lepers how to sing.Copy !req
195. - How wonderful of you.
- Thanks.Copy !req
196. John Hay Forrest said you
were a friend of Carlotta's.Copy !req
197. Will you excuse me?Copy !req
198. I must have hit a nerve.
She went white as a ghost.Copy !req
199. The next day I tailed Kitty
Collins to a fancy restaurant.Copy !req
200. Midway through the meal, she noticed
me and did a pretty strange thing.Copy !req
201. She took off her
brooch and ditched it.Copy !req
202. I had a pretty good idea where.Copy !req
203. Hold it, pal. I'm from
the health department.Copy !req
204. We have a report that your soup
has too much jewellery in it.Copy !req
205. "EOC." Enemies of Carlotta.Copy !req
206. The only name on the list that wasn't
crossed out was Swede Anderson.Copy !req
207. I decided to drop in on him
before they crossed him out too.Copy !req
208. Swede wasn't living in luxury.Copy !req
209. As a matter of fact, for a moment,
I thought he wasn't living at all.Copy !req
210. Swede?Copy !req
211. Sorry, Swede. I thought
you'd been murdered.Copy !req
212. Come on, wake up!Copy !req
213. Come on, Swede.Copy !req
214. You need a cup of my java.Copy !req
215. You're up. Good. The java
will be ready in a minute.Copy !req
216. This is never gonna heal.Copy !req
217. Anyway, my guess is by now Kitty
Collins is a million miles from here.Copy !req
218. Do you think Swede was killed by the
same man who murdered my father?Copy !req
219. Hold it, Dollface. No one's proved
your father's been murdered...Copy !req
220. yet.Copy !req
221. But you may be right about
this being a conspiracy.Copy !req
222. It's big. Maybe too big
for me to handle alone.Copy !req
223. Get me a cup of java, will ya?Copy !req
224. - Yeah?
- Hello, Marlowe?Copy !req
225. - Oh, hello, Bernie.
- No, it's me, Rigby.Copy !req
226. What's up?Copy !req
227. I'm on an important case. I need
your help. How soon can you get here?Copy !req
228. - I haven't had breakfast.
- Breakfast? You're late for lunch, pal.Copy !req
229. - It's two o'clock.
- Two o'clock?Copy !req
230. Hustle on over here. I'll make
you a cup of my famous java.Copy !req
231. - I'd rather buy my own.
- Suit yourself. See ya in a half-hour.Copy !req
232. And Marlowe. Wear a
tie, for God's sake.Copy !req
233. What's that?Copy !req
234. I found it in Daddy's desk.Copy !req
235. It looks like a key to one of those
lockers at the train station.Copy !req
236. Number's been filed off. What's
it say on that envelope?Copy !req
237. "Most recent rat."Copy !req
238. - Very clever.
- You understand what it means?Copy !req
239. Just a hunch. You know the Chinese have
a different animal for every year?Copy !req
240. - Yes.
- Unless I miss my guess...Copy !req
241. The most recent Year
of the Rat was 1936.Copy !req
242. This is the key to
locker number 1936.Copy !req
243. - You're a very smart man.
- So was Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
244. Look what happened to him.
Smart can get you killed.Copy !req
245. I hope not.Copy !req
246. Sometimes I feel I would like to...Copy !req
247. You'd like to what? Kiss me?Copy !req
248. Yeah, that would be nice.Copy !req
249. It would give me a chance to tell her I
was starting to feel something for her.Copy !req
250. Something warm and squishy.Copy !req
251. But a man in my business can't take
on a wife, have a bunch of kids.Copy !req
252. - We wouldn't have to have kids.
- What?Copy !req
253. Look, this is getting us nowhere.Copy !req
254. But thanks anyway.Copy !req
255. You'd better go now. Marlowe's
coming over here to talk.Copy !req
256. If you need me, just call.Copy !req
257. You know how to dial, don't you?Copy !req
258. You just put your finger in the
hole, and make tiny little circles.Copy !req
259. Come on in. It's open.Copy !req
260. Hello, Marlowe.Copy !req
261. Dammit. You didn't
do what I told ya.Copy !req
262. I hate that dumb way of wearing
your shirt buttoned with no tie.Copy !req
263. Let me get you a tie.Copy !req
264. Here. This one's blue, but
you can wear it with brown.Copy !req
265. - You annoy me.
- I annoy you?Copy !req
266. You come in here with
no tie... Are you drunk?Copy !req
267. - How many have you had?
- One martini.Copy !req
268. - I knew I was gonna see you.
- Sit down.Copy !req
269. Here's what I want you to do.Copy !req
270. Here's a list of names I found in a
bowl of soup. Don't ask me to explain.Copy !req
271. I think they're all dead.
I want you to check 'em out.Copy !req
272. And Marlowe? Put this on
for me, huh? As a favour.Copy !req
273. It's a clip-on.Copy !req
274. I put Marlowe to work checking Kitty's
list against recent unsolved murders...Copy !req
275. While I yellow-cabbed
it to the station...Copy !req
276. To see how Dr Forrest's key
would fit into the puzzle.Copy !req
277. I sashayed over to
locker number 1936.Copy !req
278. The key fit like a glove.
As I opened the locker...Copy !req
279. I noticed a handsome guy in a
grey pinstripe watching me.Copy !req
280. It seemed I wasn't the only one who was
interested in the contents of that locker.Copy !req
281. Inside were two long lists of
Carlotta's friends and enemies.Copy !req
282. The first name that jumped
out was FX Huberman...Copy !req
283. Number 46 Bay Court
Drive, Grunion Point.Copy !req
284. I decided to take a little train
ride and visit Mr Huberman.Copy !req
285. I knew "Handsome" would follow
me, so to throw him off...Copy !req
286. I cleverly ducked into the
men's room and lost him.Copy !req
287. There was no way he could follow me
unless I had toilet paper on my shoe.Copy !req
288. Damn!Copy !req
289. It wasn't really toilet
paper, it was a seat cover...Copy !req
290. But it was enough for a smart
guy to make the connection.Copy !req
291. As soon as we went into a tunnel...Copy !req
292. Handsome popped in and started
looking for a match... in my pockets.Copy !req
293. - Oh! Was that your leg?
- No, it was my face.Copy !req
294. I had no idea we were
going into a tunnel.Copy !req
295. I'm sure.Copy !req
296. I thought the
compartment was empty.Copy !req
297. Yeah, right. Uh-huh, sure.Copy !req
298. - I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you.
- It's all right.Copy !req
299. To what do I owe the
pleasure of your company?Copy !req
300. The man in the next compartment's
smoking a vile cigar.Copy !req
301. I had to come in here.
You don't smoke, do you?Copy !req
302. - No, I have tuberculosis.
- Oh, thank heavens for that.Copy !req
303. After last night, my
head couldn't stand it.Copy !req
304. I didn't want him to know where I was
going so I decided to put him away fast.Copy !req
305. I always carry my harmonica.Copy !req
306. It's lighter than an accordion, and
more powerful than a sleeping pill.Copy !req
307. I left him napping like a baby when
I ducked out at Grunion Point.Copy !req
308. Here's three bucks if you can get this
cab to 46 Bay Court in ten minutes.Copy !req
309. Follow that cab!Copy !req
310. It was a pretty clever thing I did.Copy !req
311. By taking the only two cabs, I made
sure Handsome couldn't follow me.Copy !req
312. When I arrived at Mr
Huberman's, I was surprised.Copy !req
313. Mr Huberman turned out to be a sexy
dame who was throwing a party.Copy !req
314. She didn't even ask me what I wanted,
just made me feel real welcome.Copy !req
315. How about you, handsome? Haven't
I seen you somewhere before?Copy !req
316. Maybe. I've been somewhere before.Copy !req
317. It's nice of you to invite me.
I feel a little like a party crasher.Copy !req
318. I like party crashers.Copy !req
319. I like classy dames
with bedroom eyes.Copy !req
320. You know something? I like you.Copy !req
321. I like me too.Copy !req
322. When these people leave, maybe...
you and I can have a party of our own.Copy !req
323. Oh, I... I have to think that over.Copy !req
324. She was a fast thinker.Copy !req
325. I'm very sorry. You all have to go.
It has been a perfectly hideous party.Copy !req
326. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
327. Stuffy in here, isn't it?Copy !req
328. Suddenly I realised she'd
slipped me a Mickey.Copy !req
329. My lips felt like two manhole covers.
My tongue felt like it had hair on it.Copy !req
330. My ears started to ring.
I felt like a dog.Copy !req
331. Woof!Copy !req
332. Woof, Huberman, woof!Copy !req
333. Come on. Let's go out dancin'.Copy !req
334. You put on your black dress,
and I'll go shave my tongue.Copy !req
335. Come on, FX. I'm ready!Copy !req
336. Let's go dancing.Copy !req
337. Hold it!Copy !req
338. Sorry, Dollface.Copy !req
339. - How did you get here?
- Your door was open, so I walked in.Copy !req
340. - I've been trying to call you all night.
- How did I get here?Copy !req
341. - I guess you must have crawled.
- Oh, God!Copy !req
342. - Oh, no, that's OK.
- It's just a little alcohol.Copy !req
343. - They don't hurt.
- Don't be a baby.Copy !req
344. Get back!Copy !req
345. What's up?Copy !req
346. Sam Hastings is dead.Copy !req
347. Poor rummy. How did he get it?Copy !req
348. Fell out of a window reaching
for a bottle of whisky.Copy !req
349. He could have been pushed. I'll have
Marlowe check his back for fingerprints.Copy !req
350. - Anything else?
- Yes.Copy !req
351. I found another note
Daddy wrote to himself.Copy !req
352. "NYTAG-216."Copy !req
353. I think it's a New York
license plate number.Copy !req
354. Not bad, Dollface.
Unless I'm... Ohh! Agh!Copy !req
355. Careful. Let me get
you some alcohol.Copy !req
356. No!Copy !req
357. It's not N-Y TAG. It's N-Y-T.Copy !req
358. New York Times.Copy !req
359. So what's "A-G"?Copy !req
360. - Standard library talk for August.
- And 216?Copy !req
361. Stands for the August 2nd
issue, page one, column six.Copy !req
362. Extension 20, please.Copy !req
363. Hi. It's me, Rigby.Copy !req
364. Sorry, Hot Legs, I've been busy.Copy !req
365. You sashay over to your
New York Times file...Copy !req
366. Read me what's on page one, column
six of the August 2nd issue...Copy !req
367. Maybe I'll wine and dine
you some night soon.Copy !req
368. I'll wait.Copy !req
369. You'd wine and dine
her for information?Copy !req
370. Her? Him.Copy !req
371. Yeah... Then read me
the whole article.Copy !req
372. "Immer Essen".Copy !req
373. Walter Neff's the owner.Copy !req
374. Thanks, Hot Legs.
I owe you a big one.Copy !req
375. Immer essen.Copy !req
376. Immer essen.
That means "always eating".Copy !req
377. - What language?
- German.Copy !req
378. It's also the name of a
South American cruise ship.Copy !req
379. I know! When Sam Hastings and my
sister separated last July...Copy !req
380. He took a South American
tour on that ship.Copy !req
381. Very interesting.Copy !req
382. Right after that tour, the
company canceled its cruises.Copy !req
383. Now Sam Hastings is dead.Copy !req
384. - I don't see the connection.
- I don't either. That's what bothers me.Copy !req
385. Hello?Copy !req
386. - Who is it?
- This is Marlowe.Copy !req
387. Oh, hello, Mr Marlowe. Would
you hold a moment, please?Copy !req
388. - It's Marlowe.
- Good.Copy !req
389. Hello, Marlowe. Listen, don't check
out those unsolved murders right now.Copy !req
390. Yeah? Why not?Copy !req
391. I got something more important. You
ever had any dealings with Walter Neff?Copy !req
392. Walter Neff. He runs a South
American cruise-ship company.Copy !req
393. Good. Tell me about him.Copy !req
394. Cruises supermarkets
looking for blondes?Copy !req
395. Good. I'll supply the blonde.Copy !req
396. One other thing.Copy !req
397. If Walter Neff leaves the country,
I may have to take a little boat ride.Copy !req
398. If I do, stay off the booze. These
people we're dealing with are killers.Copy !req
399. Well, thanks for telling me.
Have a nice trip.Copy !req
400. I may not leave right away,
but thanks anyway. And Marlowe?Copy !req
401. - You wearin' a tie?
- Goodbye.Copy !req
402. - What was that all about?
- Marlowe knows Neff.Copy !req
403. Says he's a pushover
for beautiful blondes.Copy !req
404. It means we need a female spy.Copy !req
405. Why not use me?Copy !req
406. Sorry.Copy !req
407. You're not blonde enough.Copy !req
408. - I can always dye my hair.
- No dice, Dollface. You're a client.Copy !req
409. That's one thing I've learned about
clients. Dead ones don't pay their bills.Copy !req
410. Is that all you think of me?Copy !req
411. Someone who pays you $10 a day?Copy !req
412. That's right, Dollface. To me
you're just a meal ticket.Copy !req
413. How could I tell her
that I was lying?Copy !req
414. I'd work for nothing just to watch
her hair bounce as she walked...Copy !req
415. Smell her creamy skin, cradle
her head on my shoulder.Copy !req
416. Feel the slope of her waist,
the curve of her back...Copy !req
417. And then gently caress
her two beautiful...Copy !req
418. I'm sorry.Copy !req
419. I just don't like being
called a meal ticket.Copy !req
420. As I started my search for a blonde spy, I
tried to get rid of the image of Juliet...Copy !req
421. Storming out of my office
with toothpaste on her shoes.Copy !req
422. First on my list was Monica Stillpond,
a bombshell who once told me...Copy !req
423. She would do anything for
anybody anywhere at any time.Copy !req
424. But muscle gave me
my start in politics.Copy !req
425. It was when I was assistant to
old man Zimmerman, the plumber.Copy !req
426. - Mr Madvig, you're joking.
- About the plumbing, or the muscle?Copy !req
427. I just can't imagine
you as a plumber.Copy !req
428. She was in the middle of
a fancy dinner party.Copy !req
429. But I couldn't waste time being
polite. I caught her attention.Copy !req
430. Coffee will be served in the
living room, Mr Madvig.Copy !req
431. One thing about Monica: The words
"I can't" weren't in her vocabulary.Copy !req
432. Monica, I want you to
do something for me.Copy !req
433. I can't.Copy !req
434. I guess she had added them since
the last time I'd seen her.Copy !req
435. The next one on my list was Doris
Devermont, an old flame of mine.Copy !req
436. With her I'd had the most honest
relationship I'd ever had with a woman.Copy !req
437. The only thing I'd lied about was my
name. I'd told her I was Teddy Novak...Copy !req
438. So she couldn't track me
down if I got her pregnant.Copy !req
439. Doris remembered me, naturally.Copy !req
440. How do you do, Mr Novak?Copy !req
441. Mr Novak? No hugs, no kisses? We used
to flop into each other's arms, Doris.Copy !req
442. Well, don't you think we really ought to
get to know each other all over again?Copy !req
443. It's only been five years. You were about
to serve me dinner when I had to leave.Copy !req
444. How stupid of me.
You must be famished.Copy !req
445. I should have thought of it sooner.
I'll get some coffee and sandwiches.Copy !req
446. Coffee and sandwiches.Copy !req
447. Now I remembered Doris's
famous stale-bread sandwiches.Copy !req
448. She'd buy day-old bread, then toast it
to cover up. I wonder if she's changed.Copy !req
449. The bread's none too fresh.
Shall I toast it?Copy !req
450. No, thanks. I gave up
stale toast for Lent.Copy !req
451. - Lent?
- Nothing.Copy !req
452. Same old Doris.Copy !req
453. She used to get smoked turkey
so it would keep for months.Copy !req
454. When it finally went bad,
she'd feed it to the maid.Copy !req
455. I had some smoked turkey. I guess the
cleaning woman had it for her lunch.Copy !req
456. Oh, here's some pâté.Copy !req
457. Cleaning woman.Copy !req
458. Cleaning woman.Copy !req
459. Cleaning woman!Copy !req
460. Cleaning woman! Cleaning woman!Copy !req
461. Cleaning woman! Cleaning woman!Copy !req
462. Sorry.Copy !req
463. I was too embarrassed to ask Doris for a
favour after I'd tried to strangle her...Copy !req
464. So I went to the next name
in my little black book.Copy !req
465. The blondest one on my list was a rich
society dame named Jimmi Sue Altfeld.Copy !req
466. I almost hated to use her - she was so
in love with me, it nearly made me sick.Copy !req
467. But business was more important.Copy !req
468. I wined her and dined her
at the Plantation Club.Copy !req
469. Then I made my move.Copy !req
470. Last time we saw each other, I left you
alone sitting at a counter at Schwab's.Copy !req
471. - You don't hate me for that, do you?
- Of course I don't.Copy !req
472. Good...Copy !req
473. I'd like to discuss
something with you.Copy !req
474. - Where to?
- Take me home.Copy !req
475. There was no way I was gonna
take her home. Her father hated me.Copy !req
476. So I told her to meet me at a motel and
I'd show her something with my hands.Copy !req
477. Come in.Copy !req
478. Well, Jimmi Sue, you ready?Copy !req
479. What are we going to do?Copy !req
480. Kinsey from cover to cover.Copy !req
481. Has anyone ever told you that your lips
are like two succulent Brussels sprouts...Copy !req
482. - ... waiting to be buttered and bitten?
- Plenty of men have.Copy !req
483. Really?Copy !req
484. Have these men ever told you...Copy !req
485. that your eyes are like Chinese coins
with dollops of caviar in the center?Copy !req
486. Can't you see how happy
you and I would be here?Copy !req
487. Yes, I do. But I want you to come
back to the city with me first.Copy !req
488. I'm working on an important case. It's
dangerous, and you'll probably be killed.Copy !req
489. - But if you love me, you'll do it.
- Yes, I do love you.Copy !req
490. And I love you. And I mean that more
than anything I've ever said in my life.Copy !req
491. I rented an apartment and started giving
Jimmi instructions on how to pump Neff.Copy !req
492. She took direction like
a pig takes to garbage.Copy !req
493. Here's a picture of our Mr Neff.Copy !req
494. Do, uh, whatever you have to...Copy !req
495. To find out what happened
on the Immer Essen.Copy !req
496. Your father threatened to have me
beat up if I continue to see ya.Copy !req
497. Thought I'd drop over there tomorrow
with a little peace offering.Copy !req
498. What could I take
that'd soften him up?Copy !req
499. He never had a dog
when he was a boy.Copy !req
500. Never had a dog, huh?Copy !req
501. Mr Altfeld?Copy !req
502. Totally house-broken.Copy !req
503. His name is... Ramon.Copy !req
504. He's yours.Copy !req
505. Get out, thief!Copy !req
506. I'm not stealing your daughter. I'm just
borrowing her for an important case.Copy !req
507. Don't go near my daughter. Don't try to
see her. Don't write and don't phone.Copy !req
508. Can I use her underwear
to make soup?Copy !req
509. - Get out!
- Mr Altfeld...Copy !req
510. By helping me, your
daughter's life is in danger.Copy !req
511. But she may save hundreds of lives.
You wouldn't stand in the way of that.Copy !req
512. Why certainly I would!Copy !req
513. I'd frame you or kill you... if
it would protect my daughter.Copy !req
514. And I brought you a puppy,
something you never had as a boy.Copy !req
515. Now get out!Copy !req
516. Come on, Ramon.Copy !req
517. You don't deserve a puppy.Copy !req
518. Wait!Copy !req
519. Pick that up.Copy !req
520. - But it's all soft and steamy.
- Pick that up!Copy !req
521. You're a sick man, Altfeld.Copy !req
522. You can make me pick up dog dirt, but
you can't stop me seeing Jimmi Sue.Copy !req
523. - You want a puppy?
- I'd love a dog.Copy !req
524. Thank you.Copy !req
525. - Here's something for you, too.
- Oh, thank you.Copy !req
526. Eugh!Copy !req
527. Well, Larry, Moe and Curly.Copy !req
528. Thanks, Dan.Copy !req
529. Not a nice way to treat a friend
of Mr Altfeld's daughter.Copy !req
530. There's only one way to treat you.Copy !req
531. You got some pretty
smart monkeys here.Copy !req
532. I notice this one's wearing
a Phi Beta Kappa key here.Copy !req
533. - Ow!
- Your move.Copy !req
534. I'm gonna have some
sense beaten into you.Copy !req
535. What's he payin' you boys? I'll double
it and we'll beat the shit outta him.Copy !req
536. All right, Dan.Copy !req
537. Rigby?Copy !req
538. Rigby?Copy !req
539. Rigby?Copy !req
540. Juliet!Copy !req
541. Those dirty bastards!
Beating up a woman.Copy !req
542. They even knocked your
breasts out of whack.Copy !req
543. Rigby?Copy !req
544. Juliet... Are you all right?Copy !req
545. Oh!Copy !req
546. Yes, I'm fine.Copy !req
547. - You look awful.
- It's all in a day's work.Copy !req
548. No, Rigby. It's not worth it.Copy !req
549. - I want you to quit.
- Why? Because I've been roughed up?Copy !req
550. You've also been
shot and drugged...Copy !req
551. And probably had to go to bed
with women you didn't know.Copy !req
552. You're just upset about
me interviewing blondes.Copy !req
553. You can forget about it.Copy !req
554. I've decided to get the
information myself.Copy !req
555. How?Copy !req
556. By disguising myself
as a beautiful blonde.Copy !req
557. - Do I look like a dame?
- Not as much as I do.Copy !req
558. - I haven't turned on the charm yet.
- Rigby, I wish you'd let me go instead.Copy !req
559. Have Neff try and feel you up?
No chance, Dollface.Copy !req
560. Oh. You don't want
Mr Neff to feel me up?Copy !req
561. That doesn't mean you're beginning
to... care for me, does it?Copy !req
562. I don't want any of
my clients felt up.Copy !req
563. I'm late. Neff cruises supermarkets
every Thursday looking for blondes.Copy !req
564. If I'm half the woman
I think I am...Copy !req
565. I'll have a date with
Neff by tonight.Copy !req
566. Good luck.Copy !req
567. Neff's favourite hunting ground
was Jerry's Market on Melrose.Copy !req
568. I spotted him right away and sidled
down the aisle opposite him.Copy !req
569. I was wearing a special
perfume called "Fondle Me".Copy !req
570. Its aroma drew Neff to me
like fat to a mother-in-law.Copy !req
571. He was a ladies' man, all right.
He made me feel beautiful, alive.Copy !req
572. He asked me up to his place,
and I didn't play hard to get.Copy !req
573. All right.Copy !req
574. On his home ground, Neff was more
aggressive and I played along.Copy !req
575. - I'm crazy about you, baby.
- I'm crazy about you too, Walter.Copy !req
576. That perfume.
What's the name of it?Copy !req
577. "Fondle Me".Copy !req
578. Silly!Copy !req
579. That's the name of the perfume.Copy !req
580. - I feel like a drink.
- All I've got is bourbon.Copy !req
581. I'll make the drinks.Copy !req
582. Sit over there.Copy !req
583. I wanted to knock him out fast. I slipped
him 15 milligrams of Aphrodisiamil...Copy !req
584. And hoped it would take effect
before he tried to pick my lock.Copy !req
585. Sorry, Walter. That's as far
as I go on a first date.Copy !req
586. I didn't know what I was looking
for, but what I found was dynamite.Copy !req
587. The passenger list of the
Immer Essen's final cruise.Copy !req
588. It was the same as the
Carlotta "Enemies" list.Copy !req
589. One name rang a bell. Cody Jarrett,
captain of the Immer Essen.Copy !req
590. I went to the public library and looked
up everything I could on Captain Jarrett.Copy !req
591. "Framed Because He Knew Too Much."Copy !req
592. "But He Refuses to Divulge What He
Knew to Anyone but His Mother."Copy !req
593. I hoped to find out why the passengers
on the Immer Essen's final cruise...Copy !req
594. Were being knocked off one by one.Copy !req
595. They all must have seen
something. But what?Copy !req
596. What do you think?Copy !req
597. I think you enjoy
dressing up as a woman.Copy !req
598. Jarrett's mother's the only
visitor he'll talk to.Copy !req
599. And I think I look enough like her
to get a gift on Mother's Day.Copy !req
600. Rigby, wait!Copy !req
601. Don't... don't call me Rigby.Copy !req
602. I'm worried. Since you
were beaten up...Copy !req
603. I've had nightmares about
something awful happening to you.Copy !req
604. I care about you, Rigby.Copy !req
605. What?Copy !req
606. I care about you.Copy !req
607. What's the matter?Copy !req
608. You. You're the matter.Copy !req
609. Did... did I... do something wrong?Copy !req
610. Yeah. You crept into my gut.Copy !req
611. You've got me thinking silly thoughts,
like... hanging up my gun for good.Copy !req
612. Becoming a one-woman guy.Copy !req
613. Settling down in an
ivy-covered cottage...Copy !req
614. Raking leaves out
of the backyard...Copy !req
615. Squeezing orange juice
for you in the morning.Copy !req
616. You'd do that for me?Copy !req
617. - Yeah, I would.
- Oh, Rigby.Copy !req
618. Cody Jarrett's mother.Copy !req
619. Hello, Ma.Copy !req
620. My name is Reardon. I have
important news for you.Copy !req
621. So just pretend I'm your ma, OK?Copy !req
622. The paper said you were hit in the head
by a flying wrench in the machine shop.Copy !req
623. Friends of Carlotta are after
you because you know too much.Copy !req
624. - I see what you mean.
- So the flying wrench was no accident.Copy !req
625. For a minute I thought it was.Copy !req
626. Something like that may
happen again, so...Copy !req
627. The guard looks suspicious.
Act like I'm your ma.Copy !req
628. - Sure.
- Pretend I'm crying. You comfort me.Copy !req
629. Relax, Ma.Copy !req
630. Say something like, uh,
"No, no, Ma. Look, listen to me."Copy !req
631. No, no, Ma. Look, listen to me.Copy !req
632. That was good. Real good.Copy !req
633. Look, as long as the other
prisoners can get to you...Copy !req
634. You're not safe. But don't
worry, I have a plan.Copy !req
635. I contacted Warden Dudley,
who owed me a favour.Copy !req
636. I asked him to let me pose as a prisoner
so I could keep an eye on Jarrett...Copy !req
637. Maybe learn something
about Carlotta.Copy !req
638. I learned fast. Jarrett had a prison
break planned that very night.Copy !req
639. I was invited along... at gunpoint.
When they stuffed me in the trunk...Copy !req
640. I realised he was a friend of
Carlotta, and I was their enemy.Copy !req
641. Ryley, you get in the front.
And you, you drive.Copy !req
642. I bounced along in that
trunk a long time.Copy !req
643. Five hours later, I had given up hope of
ever going to a regular bathroom again.Copy !req
644. I decided to have a little
chat with Captain Jarrett.Copy !req
645. Hey, Cody!Copy !req
646. - How ya doin', partner?
- I can't breathe.Copy !req
647. Oh. Stuffy, huh?Copy !req
648. - I'll give you a little air.
- Thanks.Copy !req
649. Her lips were warm, and my arm wasn't
the only thing that was throbbing.Copy !req
650. Our hearts were, too.Copy !req
651. My plan was to kiss her with
every lip on my face...Copy !req
652. Then slowly move her to the next room,
maneuver her next to the bed...Copy !req
653. Marry her, and start
the whoopee machine.Copy !req
654. My plan was working fine until...Copy !req
655. Agh! You stuck your
finger in my bullet hole.Copy !req
656. - Sorry, Rigby.
- I'll be all right.Copy !req
657. Why don't you lie down?Copy !req
658. I'll go to the drugstore and get
you something for your arm.Copy !req
659. It's raining too hard.
Call a cab. Hurry back.Copy !req
660. I feel like kissing somebody.Copy !req
661. Don't start without me.Copy !req
662. Hello?Copy !req
663. - It's me, Margaret.
- Who?Copy !req
664. - Margaret.
- Margaret?Copy !req
665. Margaret Croyden.Copy !req
666. Margaret Croyden?
I don't believe it!Copy !req
667. - I don't believe you'd call me.
- I'd have called sooner...Copy !req
668. - You shouldn't call at all.
- It's so quiet here.Copy !req
669. Oh, Victor's gone for
the weekend, huh?Copy !req
670. Sorry. Not interested.Copy !req
671. Because I'm in love.
Yeah, really in love.Copy !req
672. A few days ago I said something to
a woman I thought I'd never say.Copy !req
673. I actually said "I want to settle down
in an ivy-covered cottage with you..."Copy !req
674. Rake leaves out of the backyard...Copy !req
675. "... squeeze orange juice
for you in the morning."Copy !req
676. I spoke to Victor. He'll
give me the divorce.Copy !req
677. I'll tell you what. Come down
tomorrow. We'll drive back together.Copy !req
678. Wonderful! I can't wait to come
bouncing back into your life again.Copy !req
679. No dice, Margaret. Call
me in another 12 years.Copy !req
680. All right, darling.Copy !req
681. - Hello?
- Mr Reardon...Copy !req
682. I have decided to close this
case as of this moment.Copy !req
683. A check will be in the
mail for you tomorrow.Copy !req
684. Please do not try to contact me as
I will be out of town for some time.Copy !req
685. Juliet, has someone got
a gun to your head?Copy !req
686. Juliet!Copy !req
687. A half-bottle of bourbon later
I still couldn't believe it.Copy !req
688. Was Juliet crazy like her sister?Copy !req
689. Had she fallen in love with the cab
driver on the way to the drugstore?Copy !req
690. Or was she a member of the Carlotta
conspiracy and had set me up?Copy !req
691. Finally, I arrived at a
very important conclusion.Copy !req
692. Shit on her!Copy !req
693. All dames are alike.Copy !req
694. They reach down your throat,
grab your heart... and pull it out.Copy !req
695. They throw it on the floor... and they
step on it with their high heels.Copy !req
696. They spit on it, shove it in the
oven, then cook the shit out of it.Copy !req
697. They slice it into little pieces,
slam it on a hunk of toast...Copy !req
698. And they serve it to ya.Copy !req
699. They expect you to say "Thanks,
honey, it's delicious."Copy !req
700. Well, it's not delicious,
Juliet Forrest.Copy !req
701. It's rotten.Copy !req
702. I don't give a damn if
I ever hear from you again.Copy !req
703. - Juliet?
- This is Alan.Copy !req
704. Alan?Copy !req
705. - Come on, Marlowe, no games.
- I never could fool you, could I?Copy !req
706. No.Copy !req
707. Listen, Marlowe.Copy !req
708. Juliet left me, and...Copy !req
709. I feel like I've been hit
with a wet frying pan.Copy !req
710. How the hell do you
pick up the pieces?Copy !req
711. I'm beginning to realise it's better
to have something to look forward to.Copy !req
712. "Look forward to." Like what? Work?Copy !req
713. I can't get a break on this case.Copy !req
714. I don't even know who the
hell this Carlotta dame is.Copy !req
715. Can you get a map of South America?Copy !req
716. - Yeah. You got something?
- Look up Peru.Copy !req
717. Got it!Copy !req
718. There's a little town on
the coast called Paita.Copy !req
719. Tell me where it is.Copy !req
720. It's right next to a tiny
little island called...Copy !req
721. You son of a gun! Carlotta!Copy !req
722. Damn! It's not a woman's name.Copy !req
723. It's a place.Copy !req
724. - Thanks, Marlowe. I owe ya.
- Good.Copy !req
725. I'm leaving for Carlotta right now.Copy !req
726. Even if Juliet's gone, I'm
gonna solve this case...Copy !req
727. No matter how many killers are
involved, even if Juliet's one of 'em.Copy !req
728. Any idea where in Carlotta
I should start looking?Copy !req
729. There's a little café
right on the bay.Copy !req
730. When I arrived, I thought of the words
Marlowe had said to me 15 years ago:Copy !req
731. "Dead men don't wear plaid."Copy !req
732. Huh!Copy !req
733. Dead men don't wear plaid.Copy !req
734. I still don't know what it means.Copy !req
735. Carlotta was the kind of town where
they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L...Copy !req
736. and if you try to correct
them, they kill you.Copy !req
737. I knew Marlowe had
steered me right.Copy !req
738. There was Kitty Collins, the girl
who ditched me in Santa Barbara.Copy !req
739. Señor Reardon.Copy !req
740. Manuel Alesandro.Copy !req
741. Not quite.Copy !req
742. Carlos Rodriguez.Copy !req
743. - Carlos Rodriguez?
- Sí.Copy !req
744. Before the war... we ran
guns to the rebels.Copy !req
745. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
746. You're a cop.Copy !req
747. Sí, sí, sí.Copy !req
748. I have joined the establishment.Copy !req
749. That's good, Carlos. I'm here on an
investigation. Maybe you can help me.Copy !req
750. There is much to
investigate in Carlotta.Copy !req
751. The whole island is
like a powder keg.Copy !req
752. There is much tension, the...
the smell of something rotten.Copy !req
753. That's what I'm here for. To
find out what it is that smells.Copy !req
754. Psst!Copy !req
755. Be careful of the, uh,
fat one who sweats a lot.Copy !req
756. What about Kitty Collins?Copy !req
757. She doesn't sweat as much,
but she's just as dangerous.Copy !req
758. They say she is one of them.Copy !req
759. Who is... "them"?Copy !req
760. Nobody knows. Only they
know who is "them".Copy !req
761. But there is a man. His
name is Arroz. Rice.Copy !req
762. Kitty Collins is in love with him.Copy !req
763. He is a killer.Copy !req
764. - Rice, huh?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
765. - Thanks, Carlos.
- De nada, señor.Copy !req
766. - Where are you staying?
- Hotel Guano.Copy !req
767. Ha! I'll be in touch.Copy !req
768. Cuidado, Señor Reardon.Copy !req
769. Cuidado, Carlos... Cuidado.Copy !req
770. I wanted Kitty Collins to
tell "them" I was in town...Copy !req
771. So I tossed a five-pesetaria
coin into the bowl.Copy !req
772. The clank was loud enough
to make her look my way.Copy !req
773. That five-pesetaria coin was the
best investment I ever made.Copy !req
774. The next day, I hooked a big fish:
A fat one who sweats a lot.Copy !req
775. - Señor?
- Nothing alcoholic. Oh, a beer, maybe.Copy !req
776. Sí, señor.Copy !req
777. Hard liquor goes to my feet.Copy !req
778. Just a minute, Mr Rigby.Copy !req
779. We know who you are, Mr Rigby.Copy !req
780. I'm interested. Who am I?Copy !req
781. You could be a guy
who collects $10,000...Copy !req
782. Just to leave this stinkin' town.Copy !req
783. - I could, could I?
- You know who I could be?Copy !req
784. Hunchback of Notre Dame?Copy !req
785. I could be the guy who
hands ya... them $10,000.Copy !req
786. $10,000. Me to you...
just like that.Copy !req
787. Sorry. My price for leaving
stinking towns is 11,500...Copy !req
788. And a kiss on the lips
from Carmen Miranda.Copy !req
789. Pass it on to "them". Room 204.Copy !req
790. Room 204, señora.Copy !req
791. Come in.Copy !req
792. Right on time, Kitty.
Been expecting ya.Copy !req
793. Thought you'd come last night.Copy !req
794. - I wasn't thinking too well last night.
- Keep talking.Copy !req
795. You see, I just found
out something, Rigby.Copy !req
796. Who you are, what you do,
and why you're in Carlotta.Copy !req
797. I'm here to bust up your game.Copy !req
798. I don't get it. A class girl like you
in love with a killer like Rice.Copy !req
799. Who... what... why?Copy !req
800. When you love someone...Copy !req
801. I guess it doesn't make any
difference who, what or why.Copy !req
802. You go right on loving them.Copy !req
803. Yeah, you do, don't ya?Copy !req
804. I feel as if...Copy !req
805. Make me another drink,
will you, baby?Copy !req
806. Hello?Copy !req
807. - What's up, amigo?
- Plenty.Copy !req
808. A plane arrived today, and all
the passengers spoke German.Copy !req
809. - German?
- Mm-hm. Our friend Rice was there.Copy !req
810. They gave him a packet.
It was marked today's date...Copy !req
811. - ... and "Final Instructions".
- How do you know?Copy !req
812. I was hired to protect Rice until he
gets on that plane with Kitty Collins...Copy !req
813. Tonight after the
Carlotta Festival.Copy !req
814. Why are you telling me this?Copy !req
815. Because the lives of
millions of innocent p...Copy !req
816. Carlos? Carlos!Copy !req
817. Carlos!Copy !req
818. Damn.Copy !req
819. Where are you and
Rice headed tonight?Copy !req
820. What do you know about a
plane with Germermans on it?Copy !req
821. Germerm... Germans.Copy !req
822. Germermans.Copy !req
823. There's a plane with mermans on it.Copy !req
824. The plane's in town.Copy !req
825. Ethel Merman came in on it.Copy !req
826. Wanna go see Ethel Merman with me?Copy !req
827. I'll buy two tickets.Copy !req
828. Let me get on my pajamas,
I'll be ready to go.Copy !req
829. I'd done some brilliant
things in my time.Copy !req
830. Asking Kitty Collins to mix me
a drink wasn't one of them.Copy !req
831. When I came to, I could make out
only light and shadow at first.Copy !req
832. Then I saw an unfamiliar face.
But even in my stupor...Copy !req
833. I knew he was one of the big
fish in the conspiracy: Rice!Copy !req
834. Well, I believe that
about winds things up.Copy !req
835. - I'm gonna wind you up on a rope.
- But you're the one who's gonna die.Copy !req
836. Better make it look good. If anything
fishy happens to me, the FBI...Copy !req
837. It'll look very natural.Copy !req
838. People who know Rigby Reardon know
I'd never die a natural death.Copy !req
839. Do you think I'd leave
you around to talk?Copy !req
840. You've already talked too much!Copy !req
841. Hold it, Rice!Copy !req
842. You're not getting on that plane
tonight. I want those papers.Copy !req
843. I'm gonna walk out of
this room. You won't shoot.Copy !req
844. I won't?Copy !req
845. That was a warning shot, Rice. And I
don't fire as many of 'em as I used to.Copy !req
846. Rigby! Señor!Copy !req
847. - I heard shots.
- I'm all right.Copy !req
848. - Rice went that way.
- Come on, Carlos!Copy !req
849. Are you wearing pajamas?
Señor, I'll help you take them off.Copy !req
850. I don't need help with
my pajamas! Stop!Copy !req
851. - Sí.
- Carlos!Copy !req
852. Sí. Don't worry about your
pajamas, señor. I'll take care of them.Copy !req
853. Out of the way! We are
chasing a killer!Copy !req
854. Everybody stand back! He's with me.Copy !req
855. Coming through!Copy !req
856. Señor!Copy !req
857. Cuidado, señor. Cuidado!Copy !req
858. - Stand back!
- Cuidado!Copy !req
859. Señor! Your pajamas!Copy !req
860. Forget the pajamas!Copy !req
861. - Are you all right?
- It's just a bullet.Copy !req
862. My wife Carmelita will suck
it out. Go ahead, señor.Copy !req
863. And don't worry about your
pajamas. I'll take care of them!Copy !req
864. "Final Instructions".Copy !req
865. So that's their game.Copy !req
866. "Rasmussen Place".Copy !req
867. The last thing I expected to see was
Juliet and her father, alive...Copy !req
868. Talking with their butler, who
was dressed in a Nazi uniform.Copy !req
869. Yeah. That explained a lot.Copy !req
870. Why Juliet was able to translate
German, for one thing.Copy !req
871. I'd been played for a sucker.Copy !req
872. But it wasn't too late
to set things straight.Copy !req
873. Yaaah!Copy !req
874. OK, hands in the air.
Over on the steps. Let's go!Copy !req
875. It's time for a class picture. Tall
ones in back, short ones in front.Copy !req
876. Now sit! Hold hands.Copy !req
877. Now smile.Copy !req
878. - That's nice.
- Rigby...Copy !req
879. Hold it! Stay where you are,
you dirty, lying Nazi scum.Copy !req
880. Rigby!Copy !req
881. I should have known. I fell for a
dame who played me for a sucker.Copy !req
882. No, Mr Reardon. She did not
play you for a sucker.Copy !req
883. I did. Pretending to be a butler, waiting
on inferior races was galling to me.Copy !req
884. - But I fooled everyone.
- You see, Rigby? I didn't betray you.Copy !req
885. - How did you know to come here?
- Marlowe told me.Copy !req
886. That's how I found Daddy.
I smelled his cheese molds.Copy !req
887. I am sorry to interrupt
such a tender scene...Copy !req
888. But we have a plan
to carry out now.Copy !req
889. - Who are you really, kraut?
- Field Marshal Wilfred von Kluck.Copy !req
890. - At your service.
- Von Kluck?Copy !req
891. Former chief of Hitler's
Special Secret Weapons Corps.Copy !req
892. I'm flattered. How did you know?Copy !req
893. I figured out your
whole stinking scheme.Copy !req
894. How you duped Dr Forrest into helping
you. How you flew in your agents!Copy !req
895. The finest officers
in the Führer's army.Copy !req
896. - Former army.
- For the moment.Copy !req
897. But we shall rise again.Copy !req
898. - We'll see about that.
- How did they use Daddy?Copy !req
899. Bullet-head here found out your father
had developed a cheese mold...Copy !req
900. So powerful it could decompose
rocks, trees and mountains.Copy !req
901. He devised a plan to dissolve
the entire United States.Copy !req
902. At first your father gave this
swine information because...Copy !req
903. Please, Mr Reardon. Allow
me to tell the story.Copy !req
904. - Your father went along...
- Mr Reardon.Copy !req
905. It is customary in these situations for
the developer of the plan to describe it.Copy !req
906. I beg your pardon. It's customary for the
private eye to tell how he figured it out.Copy !req
907. No, it is my right!Copy !req
908. We were able to dupe Dr Forrest by
posing as a humanitarian organization...Copy !req
909. who planned to wipe out hunger
by aging cheese faster.Copy !req
910. - When he saw what they were doing...
- He assembled lists of our agents...Copy !req
911. - And seemed about to go to the FBI...
- We had to drug him and bring him...Copy !req
912. Here, faking his death so
there'd be no investigation...Copy !req
913. But while testing the mold
on a small island nearby...Copy !req
914. The Immer Essen passed by. Some of
the passengers saw the island dissolve...Copy !req
915. They were therefore
labeled "enemies".Copy !req
916. We had Neff cancel all
further tours, and our...Copy !req
917. Friends systematically began to
eliminate everyone on that cruise ship!Copy !req
918. - Schweinehund!
- Jerk!Copy !req
919. Now...Copy !req
920. We are ready. Our agents
have just returned...Copy !req
921. After planting cheese
bombs throughout America.Copy !req
922. With America destroyed,
we will win the next war.Copy !req
923. And the one after that, too!Copy !req
924. When these switches are thrown, your
meddling country will disintegrate...Copy !req
925. Like a moldy hunk of Liederkranz!Copy !req
926. Hold the mold, Kluck. Those
switches aren't going to be thrown.Copy !req
927. Und I think they will be.Copy !req
928. Halt ihn!Copy !req
929. Good... good.Copy !req
930. I'm sorry to prevent your
becoming a hero, Herr Reardon.Copy !req
931. Actually, it is too bad you
and I are on opposite sides.Copy !req
932. I admire your tenacity. Under
different circumstances...Copy !req
933. I might have even allowed you to live,
perhaps as my, uh... valet, or butler.Copy !req
934. And what would you have me
become, Herr Field Marshal?Copy !req
935. - What?
- I said...Copy !req
936. What position could I hold
in your "New Order"?Copy !req
937. Juliet! What are you saying?
He's a Nazi! Don't beg a Nazi!Copy !req
938. Would I be your... Reinemachefrau?Copy !req
939. Ja, you could, uh...
you could be that.Copy !req
940. - What is that? What is it?
- Tell him.Copy !req
941. - Reinemachefrau.
- Rrrreinemachefrau.Copy !req
942. It means she could be
my... cleaning woman.Copy !req
943. Cleaning woman!Copy !req
944. All right, join your pals.
Let's go! Move it!Copy !req
945. Great work, Juliet. Go find
Carlos Rodriguez for me.Copy !req
946. All right.Copy !req
947. Your having that gun won't
stop us, Herr Reardon.Copy !req
948. We are a dedicated people,
willing to sacrifice ourselves!Copy !req
949. There are only six bullets in
that gun. There are nine of us.Copy !req
950. Thus at least three will survive
to throw those switches.Copy !req
951. OK. But who's going
to win the lottery...Copy !req
952. And who's going to lose?Copy !req
953. Cowards! Fools!Copy !req
954. I'll do it myself!Copy !req
955. Sorry, pal. You're through.Copy !req
956. Not... quite.Copy !req
957. At least... we got...Copy !req
958. Terre Haute, India... na.Copy !req
959. Damn! They were just about
to get a public library.Copy !req
960. Carlos, lock these creeps up.Copy !req
961. With pleasure!Copy !req
962. OK, creeps. ¡ Vámonos! Let's go!Copy !req
963. Schweinehunds! Pig dogs!Copy !req
964. I pity the Devil the day you
boys start arriving in bunches.Copy !req
965. Señor Reardon, when will
you be leaving Carlotta?Copy !req
966. - Next plane out, Carlos.
- Aha!Copy !req
967. That gives me four hours to
wash and press your pajamas.Copy !req
968. No, thanks, Carlos.Copy !req
969. I don't think I'll be needing
my pajamas any more.Copy !req
970. What a guy!Copy !req
971. What are you... doing?Copy !req
972. Adjusting your willie.Copy !req
973. When you fell through the window,
it shifted out of whack.Copy !req
974. - Thanks.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
975. I hadn't had my willie adjusted
like that in a long time...Copy !req
976. Especially without having to beg.Copy !req
977. So there it was...
the Carlotta mystery...Copy !req
978. All wrapped up in
a neat little bundle.Copy !req
979. As I stood there kissing Juliet, I thought
of nothing but hanging up my gun...Copy !req
980. and spending the rest of my days
in that ivy-covered cottage.Copy !req
981. Little did I realise that
less than a year later...Copy !req
982. She and I would have an even
more exciting adventure...Copy !req
983. Which is coming soon to your
neighbourhood theater...Copy !req
984. With a possible nude
scene by Juliet.Copy !req