1. Looks like it's closed.
Copy !req
2. Don't be such a wimp.
The guy's right there.
Copy !req
3. I told you, Colleen,
Copy !req
4. if you're gonna pull this crap,
you could've stayed home.
Copy !req
5. Will you just leave me alone,
you idiot?
Copy !req
6. Well...
Copy !req
7. Jerk.
Copy !req
8. Come on already.
Copy !req
9. Two tickets, please.
Copy !req
10. Round trip or one way?
Copy !req
11. Go on, get on.
It's not gonna bite you.
Copy !req
12. You see? It's all fake,
you little baby.
Copy !req
13. Don't you feel stupid now?
Copy !req
14. Oooh.
Copy !req
15. Look at that devil face.
Copy !req
16. You're not looking. Look.
Copy !req
17. Mmm, it's kind of cool.
Copy !req
18. Stop it, jerk!
Ha!
Copy !req
19. Oh, poor baby.
Want me to change your diaper?
Copy !req
20. Whoa, look at that.
Copy !req
21. Imagine if this whole ride
shut down right now.
Copy !req
22. We would have to find
our way back out on foot.
Copy !req
23. It might take hours.
Copy !req
24. Look at that fire, Colleen.
That's awesome.
Copy !req
25. You're not looking.
Copy !req
26. You are such a little girl, Colleen.
You know that?
Copy !req
27. I'm gonna start calling you
'Colleen Cry Baby'.
Copy !req
28. I knew I should have left you
at home, Colleen Cry Baby.
Copy !req
29. I'm gonna make you get out
and walk this ride all by yourself.
Copy !req
30. You know what... (SCREAMS)
Copy !req
31. (YELLS) Sam!
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32. I'll ride your stupid... ride.
Copy !req
33. Sam?
Copy !req
34. Cathy, am I even gonna need
a bathing suit in New Orleans?
Copy !req
35. I don't think so, Liz.
Copy !req
36. Oh, unless you're gonna pull your
top down for 'Girls Gone Stupid'.
Copy !req
37. What, like this? Whoo!
Copy !req
38. You know you're going to.
You'd love that.
Copy !req
39. Can you tell me again
why we're going there
Copy !req
40. and not some place with palm trees
and umbrella drinks?
Copy !req
41. Look at it like this.
Copy !req
42. The money that we're going to save
by enduring this trip with the boys,
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43. and I do mean 'endure',
Copy !req
44. will more than make up for food, fun
and anything else we might need.
Copy !req
45. Think of it as business,
not pleasure, Liz.
Copy !req
46. I'm glad you suggested we go to
New Orleans. It's retro. You feeling me?
Copy !req
47. It's like something
our grandparents would have done.
Copy !req
48. Yeah, well, I was kind of hoping
the female population down there
Copy !req
49. skewed younger than that.
Copy !req
50. When they were our age,
you freak show.
Copy !req
51. Right.
Copy !req
52. Anyway, spring break's become
this market-laden excuse
Copy !req
53. for multinational
consumer product companies
Copy !req
54. to pass out samples of shit
like deodorant and condoms.
Copy !req
55. Fuck! 'Final Cut'.
Dude, I love this book.
Copy !req
56. What are you doing reading this?
Copy !req
57. You gave it to me for my birthday.
Copy !req
58. Oh.
Copy !req
59. Take it out of the bag
and put one of these in instead.
Copy !req
60. We're going to spring break,
not to the library.
Copy !req
61. What is this?
Copy !req
62. It's a condom and you have to use it
when you're not having sex with her.
Copy !req
63. You know about her?
Copy !req
64. You know that Jim's
driving us, right?
Copy !req
65. Yeah, I know that.
Copy !req
66. Are you OK with that
after what happened?
Copy !req
67. What happened was I got really drunk
Copy !req
68. and I hooked up with someone
I shouldn't have hooked up with.
Copy !req
69. It happened once. Come on.
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70. You do it every weekend.
Copy !req
71. Once.
Stop.
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72. It's like the measles.
It's out of my system.
Copy !req
73. OK, OK.
Drop it.
Copy !req
74. You do know how I get
when I get a few drinks in me.
Copy !req
75. I could basically probably
hook up with anyone.
Copy !req
76. I think the whole school
knows how you get.
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77. Shut up.
Copy !req
78. Do you realise that Michael Cimino
almost bankrupted United Artists
Copy !req
79. with 'Heaven's Gate'?
Copy !req
80. It's just such an abuse
of production.
Copy !req
81. Why don't you take it down a notch
with the movie mania?
Copy !req
82. We're trying to fit in.
Copy !req
83. What's the deal with you and Steve?
Copy !req
84. I don't know. My whole
situation reeks of cliché.
Copy !req
85. I mean, all this together,
apart, together, apart...
Copy !req
86. I'm fucking dizzy at this point.
Copy !req
87. And then the shit
he pulled this semester.
Copy !req
88. So what did you tell him?
Copy !req
89. I like the sound of alone.
Copy !req
90. Do you still love him?
Copy !req
91. I don't know.
Copy !req
92. You know, I'm 19 years old.
What do I know about love?
Copy !req
93. I highly doubt
that quickies in the dorm room
Copy !req
94. and a romantic Saturday evening
by a frat keg qualify.
Copy !req
95. (GIGGLES)
I look at it like this.
Copy !req
96. I mean, if I can get
through this trip as friends,
Copy !req
97. then that's all she wrote.
Copy !req
98. If I can't keep my hands off him,
then, well, we'll see.
Copy !req
99. (LAUGHS) Oh, so you're taking
the scientific approach?
Copy !req
100. Do you still love her?
Copy !req
101. Hell knows.
Copy !req
102. If we don't fuck during vacation,
I'm guessing it's done.
Copy !req
103. If she can't keep
her hands off me, we'll see.
Copy !req
104. So you're taking
the Tommy Lee approach.
Copy !req
105. You can say that.
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106. Oh, God, yeah.
It was totally nuts.
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107. Hi.
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108. Oh, God, there they are.
Copy !req
109. (HALF-HEARTEDLY) Hey.
Wait a minute.
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110. Why would you want them
to come with us
Copy !req
111. if you don't think
you two are still dating?
Copy !req
112. Gas costs?
Copy !req
113. Doesn't the expression
“bringing sand to the beach”
Copy !req
114. mean anything to you?
Copy !req
115. I'm not too worried about it,
Copy !req
116. although I gotta admit it does
kind of blow my hitchhiker fantasy.
Copy !req
117. What? You always wanted
to blow a hitchhiker?
Copy !req
118. Ow!
Copy !req
119. Hey.
Hi.
Copy !req
120. Hello.
Copy !req
121. How are you doing? How you doing?
Copy !req
122. OK, gang. So we all
set to do this or what?
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123. Big Daddy's gotta go.
Copy !req
124. Well, when's Big Daddy
gonna come home?
Copy !req
125. The road's calling, honey.
I gotta go.
Copy !req
126. "Bye. See ya.
Copy !req
127. What's up, man?
Hey, dog. What's shaking?
Copy !req
128. Elizabeth, it's been a long time.
Copy !req
129. Time was the only long thing
you ever gave me, Big Daddy.
Copy !req
130. And it's Liz.
Copy !req
131. Ouch.
Copy !req
132. You got AAA for this dump?
Copy !req
133. Seriously, you guys,
Copy !req
134. don't talk shit about my baby.
Copy !req
135. They didn't mean it.
Copy !req
136. The '70s called.
They want your baby back.
Copy !req
137. (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
That is so funny. He's creative.
Copy !req
138. He's like the kissing bandit.
Copy !req
139. Bill, thanks for the invite, man.
Should be a lot of fun.
Copy !req
140. Yeah, no, I'm just
happy to be invited.
Copy !req
141. Boy's gonna get him some tail.
My boy's gonna get him some tail.
Copy !req
142. (CAR HORN HONKS)
(YELLS) Come on, stop it.
Copy !req
143. You wouldn't hurt a cripple.
Copy !req
144. Hello, 'Midnight Cowboy'?
Copy !req
145. John Schlesinger, you know?
Jon Voight — Joe Buck.
Copy !req
146. Guys, it's a classic.
Copy !req
147. It's the first and only X-rated film
Copy !req
148. ever to win an Oscar
for Best Picture.
Copy !req
149. Who are you people?
Copy !req
150. Get in.
Copy !req
151. You've never heard of it?
Copy !req
152. I love the shag.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Copy !req
153. Alright, let's hit the road, kids.
Everybody buckle up.
Copy !req
154. J Making change in factions
Copy !req
155. J If the best is really yet to come
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156. J We'd all stay longer
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157. J Have passed... J
Copy !req
158. I guess it's a self-serve.
Copy !req
159. Are you sure this place is open?
Copy !req
160. Well, the lights are on.
So, yes, I do.
Copy !req
161. Maybe the guy's
taking a shit.
Copy !req
162. Must be free gas Friday.
Copy !req
163. No, come on, guys.
Don't screw around.
Copy !req
164. Just go check
around in the office.
Copy !req
165. Hello?
Copy !req
166. Hello?
Copy !req
167. Hi. How are you doing?
Copy !req
168. '78, that's a good year.
Copy !req
169. Yeah. 'Deer Hunter' won Best Picture.
Copy !req
170. (CLEARS THROAT) Guess you
didn't happen to catch that one.
Copy !req
171. Yeah, it had this incredible
Russian roulette scene.
Copy !req
172. “Nicky! Nicky!”
Copy !req
173. Know of any good places
to eat around here?
Copy !req
174. OK, um, have a good night.
Copy !req
175. The old guy in the back,
he didn't say a word to me.
Copy !req
176. I don't know. You guys figure it out.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Copy !req
177. Dude, your boy can't even handle
the gas station attendant?
Copy !req
178. He's working on it.
Copy !req
179. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hello?
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180. Yo.
Copy !req
181. Just drop some cash and let's jet.
Copy !req
182. Dude, all I have are 20s.
Not happening.
Copy !req
183. “'No matter how much
you shake the dance
Copy !req
184. “the last drop ends up
on your pants.”
Copy !req
185. Poetic but true.
Copy !req
186. (SPOOKY VOICE)
It's the vanishing man.
Copy !req
187. What?
Copy !req
188. You think I have
another shot with Liz?
Copy !req
189. OK, where'd this guy go?
Hey, excuse me.
Copy !req
190. Who do I have to blow around here
Copy !req
191. to pay for some gas
and get out of here?
Copy !req
192. That'll be $16 even. Here's a coupon
for your friend out there.
Copy !req
193. He mentioned
he'd like to get some grub.
Copy !req
194. Stuckey Ribs
is the best in the area.
Copy !req
195. This'll save you
$2.50 on every entree.
Copy !req
196. Thank you.
That's very helpful of you.
Copy !req
197. Now about that blow job...
Copy !req
198. Jim tried to give
an old guy a blow job.
Copy !req
199. No, I didn't, asshole.
What happened?
Copy !req
200. You should have seen
the guy in there, man.
Copy !req
201. He was talking to us about coupons,
about gas in this town.
Copy !req
202. And we got
a coupon for a restaurant.
Copy !req
203. Liz, where's Bill?
Copy !req
204. I don't know.
I thought he was with you.
Copy !req
205. Right here. Here, here, here.
Copy !req
206. Look at this. Look.
Look at what I found in the bathroom.
Copy !req
207. What, another STD?
Copy !req
208. (CATHY LAUGHS) Another STD?
Another?
Copy !req
209. “Bleedings from Asbury Park,
Copy !req
210. “the Jersey Shore's infamous
historic attraction.
Copy !req
211. “25 of the most terrifying rooms
for your horrific pleasure.
Copy !req
212. “The Dark Ride celebrates
its grand reopening April 17.”
Copy !req
213. Let me see that, dude. No, I know
about this thing. I heard about it.
Copy !req
214. Really? And that
makes you cool how?
Copy !req
215. Blow me.
Copy !req
216. Very lame.
Copy !req
217. There's things like this
at every amusement park.
Copy !req
218. Yeah, and Ferris wheels.
Copy !req
219. Big scary Ferris wheels.
Copy !req
220. OK, wait. What is a dark ride?
Copy !req
221. It's the horror attraction
at amusement parks or boardwalks.
Copy !req
222. Yeah, it's like that
'Little Rascals' episode
Copy !req
223. from the '20s on Coney Island.
Copy !req
224. Didn't catch it.
Copy !req
225. It's basically carts on tracks,
slamming through doors.
Copy !req
226. I love those things.
They're so scary.
Copy !req
227. No, I read about this place.
Copy !req
228. Something happened in there.
This is the real thing.
Copy !req
229. The place has been
shut down for, like, 20 years.
Copy !req
230. It's gotta be the first time
it's opened since.
Copy !req
231. Well, it must have been
quite a "something'
Copy !req
232. to shut the whole place down
for that long.
Copy !req
233. Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
Copy !req
234. Strictly vegetarian, my ass.
Copy !req
235. Why is this freak
always on the floor?
Copy !req
236. I know your face is all fucked up
but you don't gotta hide from us.
Copy !req
237. We're your friends, buddy.
Copy !req
238. What's the matter? You don't
fancy the accommodation, sir?
Copy !req
239. Your mattress too soft?
No chocolate on the pillows?
Copy !req
240. They've been keeping you on carrots
and codeine for a long time now.
Copy !req
241. I know you don't think
you're special.
Copy !req
242. Well, seems to me
it's about time for a change.
Copy !req
243. You hear me, freak?
Copy !req
244. I think some good old USDA prime beef
Copy !req
245. might be just what
the doctor ordered.
Copy !req
246. A little bit of iron
ought to toughen you right up.
Copy !req
247. Let's get out of here.
This is a stupid idea.
Copy !req
248. Look at his ears. I think he's deaf.
Copy !req
249. He don't give a shit
what you feed him.
Copy !req
250. But I hear vegetarians
get sick if they eat meat.
Copy !req
251. I just want to see
if that's true is all.
Copy !req
252. I mean, this is a hospital.
Copy !req
253. There's nothing wrong with
a little bit of a scientific experiment.
Copy !req
254. He's a zombie.
Copy !req
255. Let's go and mess with the girls.
That's more fun.
Copy !req
256. What? You're in a rush now?
We got all night. Give me that meat.
Copy !req
257. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
258. Dinnertime, dickhead.
Copy !req
259. What's the matter?
Is it too bloody for you?
Copy !req
260. A little bit too rare?
Copy !req
261. You want me to send it
back to the chef
Copy !req
262. so he can cook it up
just right for you?
Copy !req
263. What's the matter?
Copy !req
264. This is a bust. You're wasting
a perfectly good piece of meat.
Copy !req
265. What was that?
Copy !req
266. Well, maybe the poor
baby's got a cold.
Copy !req
267. He could be allergic.
Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
268. You're not allergic, are you? Eat.
Copy !req
269. Eat it. Essen!
Copy !req
270. This is choice stuff,
put some hair on your...
Copy !req
271. chest.
Copy !req
272. Hey, have any of you guys actually
ever been to one of these places?
Copy !req
273. I went to something like this
when I was a kid in Orlando.
Copy !req
274. It scared the crap out of me. I had
nightmares for two years after that.
Copy !req
275. You always have nightmares.
Copy !req
276. Only when I think about your face.
Copy !req
277. You guys are not gonna
have that problem on this trip.
Copy !req
278. We pass by the joint
three days before it opens.
Copy !req
279. Hey, did someone
just say 'joint'?
Copy !req
280. That's too bad. Sounds like
it could have been fun.
Copy !req
281. Oh, bullshit, Liz. A beggar says “boo,”
and you get scared straight.
Copy !req
282. You never would've
gone in the place.
Copy !req
283. You're only all tough about it now
'cause the option's off the table.
Copy !req
284. It's kiddie shit.
Of course I would have gone.
Copy !req
285. I bet cash money you would
never even set foot in the place.
Copy !req
286. You're such a fucking cheating asshole,
Steve. I'll take that bet.
Copy !req
287. You gotta be the toughest, coolest,
Copy !req
288. bravest person in the fucking room,
in every room.
Copy !req
289. You guys, come on. Chill out.
Copy !req
290. There is one way to settle this.
Copy !req
291. How's that?
Copy !req
292. Anybody feel like saving
a little money on a room tonight?
Copy !req
293. No way!
Copy !req
294. Why not way? Come on, let's do it.
I mean, we can do whatever we want.
Copy !req
295. Yeah. Yeah, it could be cool.
Copy !req
296. All I ever read about is
how doomed our generation is, OK,
Copy !req
297. how we do nothing
and we have it so easy.
Copy !req
298. So let's do something.
Copy !req
299. I'm in.
Copy !req
300. Try to keep me away.
You're all nuts.
Copy !req
301. Fuck the motel, guys.
This sounds really fucking cool.
Copy !req
302. This is something we're gonna
be talking about for a long time.
Copy !req
303. I think we should
check it out, OK?
Copy !req
304. If it's cool, we'll go in.
If not, we'll leave.
Copy !req
305. OK, sounds like a plan.
Copy !req
306. Look, guys, if we stay
in the dark ride tonight
Copy !req
307. we increase our funding supplies for
spring break, if you catch my drift.
Copy !req
308. Good God.
Copy !req
309. Holy shit.
What?
Copy !req
310. (YAWNS) Bill, how much longer?
Copy !req
311. That would depend.
On what?
Copy !req
312. On whether Jim
picks up this hitchhiker.
Copy !req
313. What?
Jim, do not stop this van.
Copy !req
314. Hey, that was my fantasy.
Copy !req
315. This is almost as good
as the old man at the gas station.
Copy !req
316. I bet she's either
a psycho or a nympho.
Copy !req
317. Well, what is she doing
out here all by herself?
Copy !req
318. She's a homeless,
psychotic nymphomaniac.
Copy !req
319. Where's she gonna be, Park Avenue?
Copy !req
320. How do we know she is alone?
Copy !req
321. Maybe her boyfriend's waiting
behind her 20 feet with a chainsaw.
Copy !req
322. Maybe her car broke down.
Copy !req
323. She looks kind of broke down.
Copy !req
324. I don't see a car.
Copy !req
325. You know, guys, I saw this
one 'Twilight Zone' episode...
Copy !req
326. Shh!
Copy !req
327. I feel obliged to pick up
this hot piece of ass.
Copy !req
328. Call it my civic duty.
Copy !req
329. Call it your raging hard-on.
Copy !req
330. Hello. Hi.
Copy !req
331. Hop in.
Copy !req
332. Awesome.
Alright.
Copy !req
333. Sweet.
Copy !req
334. Move.
Copy !req
335. Alright.
Copy !req
336. How are you going?
I'm good. How are you?
Copy !req
337. I'm Jim.
Jim, Jen.
Copy !req
338. 'J's!
(BOTH LAUGH)
Copy !req
339. Hi.
Copy !req
340. Where are you headed?
Where are you from?
Copy !req
341. Jacksonville. Boston.
Copy !req
342. Did your car break down?
Copy !req
343. I don't really believe
in owning cars.
Copy !req
344. How ironic. Cathy here
doesn't believe in seat belts.
Copy !req
345. I totally believe in seat belts. Safety first.
Copy !req
346. This from a girl who thumbs
her way across country,
Copy !req
347. accepting rides from strangers.
Copy !req
348. Bill, can I borrow
your phone real quick?
Copy !req
349. Um, yeah. Yeah, it's in my bag.
Copy !req
350. I generally feel that people
are basically good.
Copy !req
351. However, this one time
I was following this Phish tour...
Copy !req
352. Man, I just love those guys.
Copy !req
353. So this guy, anyway, driving
this really bitching beemer, stops for me.
Copy !req
354. So chitchat, chitchat.
Copy !req
355. He was a doctor or a banker
or a mortician or something.
Copy !req
356. So he asks me where I'm going.
Copy !req
357. And don't ask me how it got started,
but we get on the subject of music.
Copy !req
358. Now I don't know a lot of things,
Copy !req
359. but in fact, music is the one thing
that I am extremely familiar with.
Copy !req
360. I just get it, get it?
Copy !req
361. So this yuppie dickhead
Copy !req
362. starts telling me about music
and how “back in the day”
Copy !req
363. and I'm like... how ADD kids are
nowadays and I'm like, “Fuck!”
Copy !req
364. You know, “back in the day”?
Music transcends time and space.
Copy !req
365. Man, it's like a whole symbiotic
relationship between...
Copy !req
366. You feeling me?
Copy !req
367. It's a like a whole
symbiotic relationship
Copy !req
368. between life, death...
Copy !req
369. malls, pets, you know,
health and nutrition.
Copy !req
370. So Mr 2.4 Kids,
he tries to kiss me.
Copy !req
371. He actually has his
fucking sweaty paws
Copy !req
372. all over me.
Copy !req
373. So what I did was... what I did
was I just leaned over
Copy !req
374. and I smashed down really hard
in a really sensitive place.
Copy !req
375. Are you feeling me?
Copy !req
376. My aim was dead on.
Copy !req
377. Ding, dong.
Copy !req
378. I rang the bell
and won the kewpie doll, man.
Copy !req
379. I also happened to lose my ride.
Copy !req
380. Took me, like, four hours
to get another one.
Copy !req
381. What was my point?
Copy !req
382. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
383. You know, I generally
have to believe
Copy !req
384. that people are basically good.
Copy !req
385. Does anyone mind that
I'm sitting in the front seat?
Copy !req
386. Well, Jen, welcome aboard.
Copy !req
387. Oh, I knew you guys were cool
soon as I saw the van.
Copy !req
388. Yeah, she's my sweet baby. I love her.
Copy !req
389. You should know
we planned a detour.
Copy !req
390. We're going
to spend the night there.
Copy !req
391. Man, I love dark rides.
You guys mind if I tag along?
Copy !req
392. Funny, I thought
you already had.
Copy !req
393. Don't worry.
I'll hold my own weight.
Copy !req
394. Anyone want to go on a real trip?
Copy !req
395. (GIRLS GIGGLE)
Oh, God.
Copy !req
396. I think I love you.
Copy !req
397. Right back at you.
Copy !req
398. I haven't been here in so long.
Copy !req
399. Where is this place?
Copy !req
400. Asbury Park.
Copy !req
401. Asbury Park. I've never been here.
Copy !req
402. Look at what a shithole town this is.
Copy !req
403. Shithole towns are the best.
Copy !req
404. Holy shit. Those fucking
mushrooms just kicked in.
Copy !req
405. Yeah? Are you feeling it?
Copy !req
406. Hey, isn't Asbury Park
where Springsteen was born?
Copy !req
407. Look at this place.
Copy !req
408. It looks closed.
Copy !req
409. I mean, like,
gone-for-the-winter closed.
Copy !req
410. God, it's kind of creepy, huh?
God, I live for this shit!
Copy !req
411. OK, this obviously sucks.
Copy !req
412. If you want to save money,
can we just sleep in the van?
Copy !req
413. Whoa. Whoa, who the hell's that?
Hey, kill the lights, dude.
Copy !req
414. Well, that's that.
Copy !req
415. No, no, no. He probably makes
his rounds about every hour or so.
Copy !req
416. That's plenty
of time to get inside.
Copy !req
417. He's a rent-a-cop. I'm surprised
he doesn't ride a fucking bicycle.
Copy !req
418. Come on. Let's go around back.
Copy !req
419. We can figure out a way to get in.
Copy !req
420. Oh, great, we picked up Catwoman.
Copy !req
421. Oh, look. He's leaving.
Copy !req
422. Let go of me.
Come on. There. That's my boy.
Copy !req
423. Yeah, he's going.
Copy !req
424. Yeah, and so should we.
Copy !req
425. Cathy, could be fun.
Copy !req
426. That's right, Jen. It could also
not be fun. See how that works?
Copy !req
427. Jesus, Cath, chill out.
Fuck 'chill', Jim.
Copy !req
428. OK, this is supposed
to be for laughs, right?
Copy !req
429. Alright, fine, I'll wait here.
And call for me when your laughs begin.
Copy !req
430. Cath, come on.
Copy !req
431. You know where to find me.
I'm fine. Go.
Copy !req
432. Go.
Copy !req
433. Yaa-ow!
Copy !req
434. Have fun with Little Miss
Too Cool for School.
Copy !req
435. In fact, why don't you just have fun?
That's what you're good at.
Copy !req
436. Oh, nice.
Copy !req
437. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
438. Do what you want with that but...
Copy !req
439. And I really do miss you.
Copy !req
440. Go ahead. The dark ride's waiting.
Copy !req
441. (JIM WHISPERS) Jen. Jen, come here.
Listen, I have an idea.
Copy !req
442. Oh, man, this place
is frickin' huge.
Copy !req
443. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
444. God! Jesus!
Copy !req
445. Come on!
Copy !req
446. This is fucking great.
Copy !req
447. Whoa, shit!
Copy !req
448. (DEEP VOICE) Voila!
Copy !req
449. Way to go, bro.
Copy !req
450. Come on.
Copy !req
451. Come in, come in. Hey.
Copy !req
452. Whoo! Nice and dry.
Copy !req
453. How did you get the lights on?
Copy !req
454. Liz, did you think the only thing
I made in shop class were bongs?
Copy !req
455. (LAUGHS) No, seriously, though,
Copy !req
456. I just put a few wires together
and pushed a few buttons.
Copy !req
457. Ooh, I like a man who knows
what to do with his hands.
Copy !req
458. I'm shocked.
What's that?
Copy !req
459. Uh, I'm soaked.
Copy !req
460. You know, we really
should go get Cathy.
Copy !req
461. Cathy knows where we are.
If she wants to join us, she can, right?
Copy !req
462. I agree. We should check this place out.
Let's go. Come on.
Copy !req
463. Cool.
Copy !req
464. Just think, I could have hitched a ride
with a stalker.
Copy !req
465. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
466. Look at the motion.
Copy !req
467. Oh, my God.
(LAUGHS)
Copy !req
468. How cool is that?
Copy !req
469. Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
470. Shh.
(HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYS)
Copy !req
471. Oh. Got you.
Copy !req
472. Hey, dude,
don't fuck with anything.
Copy !req
473. We don't wanna add
destruction of property
Copy !req
474. to the breaking and entering
charge, you know?
Copy !req
475. Steve, Steve, just let it go.
Let it go.
Copy !req
476. Had to go and take
those 'shrooms, didn't you?
Copy !req
477. Dude, put it down.
Copy !req
478. (CHILDREN LAUGH)
Yeah, Steve. Steve, really, it's OK.
Copy !req
479. It's OK. Don't worry about it. Shh.
Copy !req
480. What is this?
Copy !req
481. What's wrong, Jim?
Copy !req
482. What did you do
to the face, Jim?
Copy !req
483. Nothing.
Copy !req
484. Yeah.
Copy !req
485. Alright, moving on.
Copy !req
486. Hmm.
Copy !req
487. Dude, I cannot believe
Cathy's missing this shit.
Copy !req
488. This place is fucking cool, right?
Copy !req
489. Jim, light me, please.
Copy !req
490. Easy. Easy, Jim.
Copy !req
491. Easy.
Copy !req
492. What do you think?
Copy !req
493. I have to say, this isn't too bad.
Copy !req
494. Got a little smoke. Got a little...
Copy !req
495. (SCREAMS) Motherfucker!
Copy !req
496. Oh!
Copy !req
497. Can't we unplug these things?
Copy !req
498. Did you see that?
See what?
Copy !req
499. There's someone...
Copy !req
500. There's someone watching us
through that window.
Copy !req
501. You sure, Liz? You're pretty high.
Copy !req
502. Never mind.
Copy !req
503. Yes, and there are definitely
no shortage of someones
Copy !req
504. lurking in this fucking place.
Copy !req
505. God, you gotta wonder
Copy !req
506. how all this negative energy
affects this place.
Copy !req
507. I mean, it can't be good.
Copy !req
508. You're closer to the truth
than you know, Jen-Jen.
Copy !req
509. Do you guys know why
they closed down this ride, huh?
Copy !req
510. It's a local legend.
Copy !req
511. Yeah, I grew up
in Ocean Grove, one town over.
Copy !req
512. Fucking A, man. I had
no idea you were from there, man.
Copy !req
513. You're from Jersey, brother?
Yeah.
Copy !req
514. Well, you had to have
heard of this story, man...
Copy !req
515. about the two sisters...
Copy !req
516. Let me see that. Thank you.
Copy !req
517. about the two sisters
who died right here.
Copy !req
518. Yeah, they were twins.
I think it was back in '89.
Copy !req
519. So what happened?
Copy !req
520. They were murdered
and disembowelled.
Copy !req
521. At their funerals,
it was closed casket.
Copy !req
522. Nobody wanted to view the bodies.
Copy !req
523. It was, I mean, huge out here.
It was in all the newspapers.
Copy !req
524. Wow, Jim, then it must be true.
Copy !req
525. What an imbecile.
Copy !req
526. How about we turn the page
on this one, guys?
Copy !req
527. Legend goes that there was this man,
Copy !req
528. this hideous, deformed,
monster-like man
Copy !req
529. that wore a mask over his face.
Copy !req
530. He killed them.
Copy !req
531. Supposedly, the man had, like,
a mental capacity of a five-year-old.
Copy !req
532. He lived right here
in this dark ride.
Copy !req
533. What? He lived in the ride?
Copy !req
534. Yes, he lived in the ride.
Copy !req
535. See, the guy who operated
the ride adopted two kids...
Copy !req
536. two very different kids.
Copy !req
537. There was the younger one,
who was normal,
Copy !req
538. and there was the older one.
Copy !req
539. He was the one
with all the deformities.
Copy !req
540. So he kept him down here,
Copy !req
541. locked up in the dark ride.
Copy !req
542. Yeah. You know, I think
I heard something like that.
Copy !req
543. But I think
it happened in Wisconsin.
Copy !req
544. Really?
Copy !req
545. Well, I heard something similar,
but it was this travelling dark ride
Copy !req
546. that moved from state to state
to these different carnivals.
Copy !req
547. It was like urban legends, right?
Copy !req
548. No, no.
Copy !req
549. That's cute. But, no,
this is not an urban legend.
Copy !req
550. Did they go to jail?
Copy !req
551. See, in the end
the taxpayers prevailed.
Copy !req
552. The ride was closed...
Copy !req
553. (DRAMATICALLY)
.. and the monster expired.
Copy !req
554. Who's got the weed?
Copy !req
555. Dude.
Alright.
Copy !req
556. Yeah, so that's what happened.
Copy !req
557. Well, why didn't you tell us this
when we saw the flyer?
Copy !req
558. Um, because I wanted
you to come here,
Copy !req
559. and if I would have told you
the story you wouldn't have came.
Copy !req
560. So I didn't.
Copy !req
561. You know, with all the scary shit
going on, it was nuts.
Copy !req
562. The kids were dead
and the town was crazy.
Copy !req
563. Jim, there's...
(CLEARS THROAT)
Copy !req
564. There's one little problem
with your story.
Copy !req
565. What's that, Bill?
Copy !req
566. The same problem
most people have —
Copy !req
567. is that they just believe
whatever they hear
Copy !req
568. without ever questioning it.
Copy !req
569. Newspapers take more liberty
with the fact
Copy !req
570. than 'E! True Hollywood Story'.
Copy !req
571. See, your guy's quote-unquote
'monster' never died.
Copy !req
572. He was shot that day
but he's very much alive.
Copy !req
573. If you ask me, he should have
been sent to the electric chair
Copy !req
574. for what he did.
Copy !req
575. Instead, they just set him up
in some mental hospital.
Copy !req
576. And how would you know?
Copy !req
577. Dude, you're fucking with us.
Copy !req
578. He's fucking with us.
Copy !req
579. I wish I was.
Copy !req
580. Those two teenagers...
Copy !req
581. you know, the ones
that were last killed...
Copy !req
582. those were my cousins.
Copy !req
583. Your cousins?
Bullshit.
Copy !req
584. Oh, my God. Are you serious?
Copy !req
585. That's how I know
that Jonah's still alive.
Copy !req
586. Why does it always have to be
Jonah or Jason or Jedediah?
Copy !req
587. I mean, why can't it
be Bob or Gus or even Chris?
Copy !req
588. No, no. Give him a break.
Let him finish.
Copy !req
589. Or Ernie. It could be Ernie.
Copy !req
590. Well, Elizabeth,
Ernie is not his name.
Copy !req
591. It's 'Jonah' and he's not a monster.
Copy !req
592. God, we do love
our monsters in this country.
Copy !req
593. But a murderer killed
my two cousins, not a monster.
Copy !req
594. The police psychologist
said the sick bastard
Copy !req
595. was actually playing
with his victims.
Copy !req
596. Can you believe that?
Copy !req
597. He was re-enacting the sets
from within the ride.
Copy !req
598. So he mimicked whatever
he saw in this place?
Copy !req
599. Yeah.
Copy !req
600. Jonah see, Jonah do.
Copy !req
601. That is heavy, dude. I am so sorry.
Copy !req
602. Well, that was more interesting
than movie trivia.
Copy !req
603. I shouldn't have
brung it up. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
604. No, Jim, it's not
your fault it happened.
Copy !req
605. Besides, these are
the kinds of stories
Copy !req
606. you tell in places like this, right,
Copy !req
607. to try and scare
the hell out of everyone?
Copy !req
608. The only difference is
usually you're making it up.
Copy !req
609. This one's real.
Copy !req
610. (WHISPERS) Cue the thunder
and lightning.
Copy !req
611. Ooh!
(CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY)
Copy !req
612. That's cool. Look at this.
Copy !req
613. (JEN WHISPERS) Steve.
Copy !req
614. No fucking light.
Copy !req
615. Grab a lantern
from the set over there
Copy !req
616. SO we can see
what the hell's going on in here.
Copy !req
617. Come on. What?
Copy !req
618. It won't reach.
Oh, shit.
Copy !req
619. Hey, grab that mirror.
Copy !req
620. Bounce this off it.
Copy !req
621. I don't see anything.
No, no, no. Bounce it up.
Copy !req
622. OK, wait.
I think it's over there.
Copy !req
623. There's nothing in here.
Wait, wait, wait. What was that?
Copy !req
624. What the...? No!
Copy !req
625. (JEN SCREAMS) Oh, my God!
Copy !req
626. Cathy! Help! Help!
Copy !req
627. I'm so sorry.
| couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
628. You looked like such a dork.
Copy !req
629. Oh, my God. That was so good.
Cathy...
Copy !req
630. Oh, man, you should have
seen the look on your face.
Copy !req
631. First you were all like, “Oh!”
and then you did, like, this great...
Copy !req
632. (LAUGHS) It was fucking killer.
Copy !req
633. Aw, you still really care.
Copy !req
634. After what you said back there in the van
I was gonna...
Copy !req
635. No, fuck you, Cathy,
and stay fucked for a while.
Copy !req
636. Well, I wouldn't call three minutes
including foreplay “a while,” would you?
Copy !req
637. (ALL LAUGH)
What the hell happened here?
Copy !req
638. What?
Copy !req
639. It's awesome.
You were in on this?
Copy !req
640. Did you plan this whole thing?
Copy !req
641. You were in on this?
Yeah.
Copy !req
642. And, you know, when we picked up Jen,
Copy !req
643. I kinda figured she'd be better
to get you in the room than me,
Copy !req
644. so I just pulled her aside
and asked her to help.
Copy !req
645. Guilty. (LAUGHS)
Copy !req
646. Do you guys honestly think I would
have stayed in the van by myself?
Copy !req
647. I faked.
Copy !req
648. So you planned this trip?
Copy !req
649. Yeah.
Copy !req
650. Were you fucking in on this?
Copy !req
651. I had nothing to do with it.
Calm down.
Copy !req
652. It was just me and Bill. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
653. And coming to the dark ride
was all part of your little prank?
Copy !req
654. You know, I was just kinda
dying to check it out.
Copy !req
655. No, but seriously,
Copy !req
656. my parents never let me
go to my cousins' funeral.
Copy !req
657. I never even went
to their grave site.
Copy !req
658. I've never even been here.
Copy !req
659. So, I don't know,
in some sick, twisted way
Copy !req
660. it's kind of like closure to me.
Copy !req
661. But the flyer...
Copy !req
662. I had that with me. That would
have shown up anywhere we were.
Copy !req
663. It would have showed up
wherever we were.
Copy !req
664. Jesus, Bill,
that's pretty freakin' extreme
Copy !req
665. just to go for a laugh.
Copy !req
666. That rocked. That was great.
I'm so proud of you.
Copy !req
667. Well, your friend Steve here
left me in a rather extreme position
Copy !req
668. a few months back
when I walked into his room
Copy !req
669. and found his dick
inside Sarah D'Amato.
Copy !req
670. This is about that?
Sarah D'Amato?
Copy !req
671. Shut up.
Copy !req
672. Yes, it is about that, Steve.
Copy !req
673. I know you don't think
it's a big deal. It was to me.
Copy !req
674. Steve, you had sex
with Sarah D'Amato?
Copy !req
675. Yeah, and she's not a fucking psycho.
This isn't funny.
Copy !req
676. Playing dead isn't funny.
Copy !req
677. It was funny.
That was harsh.
Copy !req
678. Hey, you know what they say —
Copy !req
679. “'Don't hate the player.
Hate the game.”
Copy !req
680. Oh, come on, Stevie. Kiss my neck.
You know how much I like that.
Copy !req
681. Jeez.
Copy !req
682. And you, you little piece of shit...
Copy !req
683. (CATHY YELLS) Stop it!
No, you stop it.
Copy !req
684. Lay off him.
You lay off.
Copy !req
685. You don't get to say
anything right now.
Copy !req
686. You, you want some trivia?
Copy !req
687. How many friends do you have now?
Anyone? Anyone?
Copy !req
688. Well, now you've got none.
Copy !req
689. Lay off him. Stop.
Copy !req
690. I should have left you beating off
in the fucking dorm room.
Copy !req
691. Bad joke.
Copy !req
692. Well, unless you
have an encore planned,
Copy !req
693. Is there anyone else
you need to exact revenge on?
Copy !req
694. I'm done.
Copy !req
695. Dude, I would totally beat your ass
if you did that to me.
Copy !req
696. But you didn't and it was great.
Copy !req
697. I didn't know you had it in you.
Copy !req
698. Look at you
coming out of your shell.
Copy !req
699. Now that you're done,
can we please leave?
Copy !req
700. This place creeps me out.
Copy !req
701. You wanna make out or...?
Copy !req
702. Oh. It never works.
Copy !req
703. Scared the shit out of
your cheating ex-boyfriend.
Copy !req
704. That was priceless.
Right. It was good.
Copy !req
705. That was so awesome.
Copy !req
706. I have a feeling by next weekend
you're gonna need a new room-mate.
Copy !req
707. Probably.
Copy !req
708. That's weird. The door is locked.
Copy !req
709. Well, open it.
Copy !req
710. Well, I would, Elizabeth,
Copy !req
711. but the door's kind of locked
from the outside.
Copy !req
712. Come on, Jim, open the door.
Copy !req
713. I bet it was Steve.
Copy !req
714. Or Ernie the Slasher.
Copy !req
715. (YELLS) Steve, please.
Relax, everyone.
Copy !req
716. Please? Come on, Steve.
This isn't funny.
Copy !req
717. She's apologising, Steve.
Come on, man, open the door.
Copy !req
718. No, seriously, guys, though,
Copy !req
719. I did a pretty shitty job
down there on the wires.
Copy !req
720. I'm not surprised
that they didn't hold up.
Copy !req
721. I'll just go back down there
and fix them.
Copy !req
722. I'm gonna be right back.
Y'all stay right here.
Copy !req
723. Actually, I was thinking about
wandering aimlessly in the dark.
Copy !req
724. It's what I do for fun.
Copy !req
725. Jesus Christ, Jen, you almost
gave me a fucking heart attack.
Copy !req
726. Your heart rate's not exactly
what I wanted to get a rise out of.
Copy !req
727. Oh, God. These 'shrooms
are really fucking kicking in.
Copy !req
728. Yeah, I know.
Copy !req
729. Well, they were on for a minute.
Copy !req
730. Maybe he's working on it.
(MUSIC FADES DISCORDANTLY)
Copy !req
731. I bet that little slut
is working on him.
Copy !req
732. Oh, holy shit. I didn't even
realise she wasn't with us.
Copy !req
733. Hey, did you see Steve
following me down here?
Copy !req
734. Because I wanna grab him
and get the hell out of here.
Copy !req
735. Oh, really?
Copy !req
736. Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Copy !req
737. Don't you feel good?
Copy !req
738. We don't exactly
have to leave right now.
Copy !req
739. It's kind of awkward timing.
You know what I mean?
Copy !req
740. My timing is what
makes this interesting.
Copy !req
741. But what about the others?
Copy !req
742. Couldn't find their way down here
with a road map.
Copy !req
743. But I heard them screaming and shit.
Copy !req
744. Yeah, I think we should let the children
play their children games.
Copy !req
745. Besides, we have some
adult games to get to.
Copy !req
746. Oh, God, I love you.
(CHUCKLES)
Copy !req
747. Excuse me just one moment.
Copy !req
748. What are you gonna do?
Copy !req
749. Just a little...
Copy !req
750. (R&B PLAYS OVER RADIO)
Ooh.
Copy !req
751. Just a little mood lighting,
a little mood music.
Copy !req
752. Sorry I don't have cigarettes.
Copy !req
753. Oh, God, thank you.
Copy !req
754. Fucking Steve. | hate him.
I'm so done with him.
Copy !req
755. I bet he's screwing with the lights.
Copy !req
756. What goes around
comes around, right?
Copy !req
757. Screw you, Liz.
Sorry.
Copy !req
758. I can't see a thing.
I don't like this, you guys.
Copy !req
759. Hey, Liz, watch out for the tracks.
Don't sprain your ankle.
Copy !req
760. Look, I don't know
what you guys are thinking,
Copy !req
761. but if we're gonna get out of here
we've gotta find our way downstairs.
Copy !req
762. In the dark?
Yeah.
Copy !req
763. We could use the concert method.
Copy !req
764. What's the concert method?
Copy !req
765. (LIGHTER CLICKS)
You have a lighter, right?
Copy !req
766. Yeah.
OK. Come on. Let's go.
Copy !req
767. This is better.
Copy !req
768. Thanks.
Copy !req
769. (CATHY STAMMERS) Steve?
Copy !req
770. (GRUNTS)
OK.
Copy !req
771. They keep screaming.
Something's wrong.
Copy !req
772. Oh, God, I love this song.
Copy !req
773. They're just joking.
They're just joking.
Copy !req
774. They're just messing around.
OK.
Copy !req
775. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
776. Cathy, we have to go now.
Look at me.
Copy !req
777. (CATHY SOBS) We've gotta get help.
Where did Bill go?
Copy !req
778. (YELLS) Jim! Jim!
Copy !req
779. (BILL SCREAMS DISTANTLY)
Jim! Jim, where are you?
Copy !req
780. (JEN MOANS)
Oh, my...
Copy !req
781. (BREATHLESSLY) Wait.
What's going on?
Copy !req
782. Oh, Jen, you cannot leave me
hanging like this. It's unhealthy.
Copy !req
783. Wait.
Copy !req
784. Jen, you're killing me.
Please? Thank you.
Copy !req
785. (SONG ON RADIO)
J I think I'm going out of my head
Copy !req
786. J I think I'm going out of my head
Copy !req
787. J I think I'm going
out of my head... J
Copy !req
788. Oh, what did I do to deserve this?
Copy !req
789. Oh, God, I'm almost there.
Copy !req
790. Oh, God.
Copy !req
791. Come here. Give me a kiss.
Copy !req
792. (YELLS) What the fuck? Oh, my God!
Copy !req
793. (SOBS) What the fuck?
Copy !req
794. Holy shit. Oh, fuck.
Copy !req
795. Fuck! Fucking come back.
What the fuck are you doing?
Copy !req
796. Don't fucking leave me.
Copy !req
797. Oh, God!
Copy !req
798. (WHIMPERS) Oh, God.
Copy !req
799. Help me.
Copy !req
800. (BANGS ON DOOR)
Somebody let me out of here.
Copy !req
801. (SOBS) Please.
Copy !req
802. Somebody help me.
Copy !req
803. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Copy !req
804. God.
Copy !req
805. What?
Shh.
Copy !req
806. (WHISPERS) What? Shh. Shh!
Copy !req
807. (DEEP LAUGHTER)
Do you hear that?
Copy !req
808. Cathy.
It's OK.
Copy !req
809. Alright, listen to me.
Shh, it's OK.
Copy !req
810. Shh. I lost it back there. I did.
Copy !req
811. Listen to me, alright? I lost it back there.
I did. But I'm back now.
Copy !req
812. We have to find a way out of here.
Copy !req
813. There has to be another exit
or fire code... Something.
Copy !req
814. This is a fucking amusement park ride,
for God's sakes.
Copy !req
815. There's fucking rules.
Copy !req
816. Shh. Shh.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Copy !req
817. Shhh. Shhh.
Copy !req
818. I'm too tired.
Copy !req
819. We're almost out. Come on.
Copy !req
820. No.
Copy !req
821. No, no, no, no. Where are you going?
Copy !req
822. This is my fault. Don't you get it?
Copy !req
823. I'm the reason we're here.
I brought us here.
Copy !req
824. I have to go find the others.
Copy !req
825. (CATHY YELLS) Go get help!
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826. (VOICES WHISPER) Go get help...
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827. (SCREAMS) Cathy!
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828. Cath?
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829. (LIZ SCREAMS) Cath!
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830. That might be her!
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831. (CATHY YELLS) Where are you?
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832. Yeah, this is Reggie.
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833. I'm at the north-east side
of the boardwalk, requesting backup.
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834. (REGGIE OVER RADIO)
Henry, Lou, that means you guys.
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835. What's the problem, Reggie?
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836. I got a report that there was some noises
coming from the dark ride.
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837. I'm gonna go check it out.
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838. Sounds good to me.
How can I help you?
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839. Well, by definition
of the term 'backup',
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840. I'm asking you to back me up.
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841. Reinforcements are on the way.
Yeah, 10-4.
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842. Anybody in here?
This is security.
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843. Anybody in this building?
Oh, my God!
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844. Anybody in this building?
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845. Hello!
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846. Oh, my God, please.
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847. Hello! Anybody here?
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848. Goddamn, girl, what the hell
are you doing in here?
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849. Alright, look,
everything's gonna be OK.
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850. Just calm down. Come with me.
We'll call your parents, alright?
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851. Just relax.
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852. What are you pointing at?
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853. I told you, miss,
everything's gonna be just fine.
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854. We'd better get over there
before Reggie splits.
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855. You got it.
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856. (SOBS) Ow!
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857. Wait, please.
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858. (MUTTERS) Out of range.
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859. Come on. Work, please. No!
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860. Oh, my God! For fuck's sake!
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861. Come on, you fucking phone.
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862. Jim!
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863. Oh, my God.
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864. (SCREAMS) No. No.
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865. Cathy?
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866. Cathy. Cathy.
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867. Cathy, wake up.
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868. Cath...
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869. Oh, shit.
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870. Jim.
Bill?
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871. Bill.
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872. Dude, you're...
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873. you're alive, man.
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874. Are you OK?
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875. Dude, I'm about as far from OK
as OK gets, man.
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876. I'm freaking out of my skull.
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877. You need to get us
the fuck out of here, Bill.
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878. Shh. It's over now.
What...?
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879. I know. It's OK. It's over now.
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880. Is he dead?
Are you kidding me?
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881. I don't know if it's a he, a she
or an it, man. I don't care.
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882. We need to grab Cathy
and we need to get out of here.
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883. Is she OK?
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884. I mean, she... she has a pulse, dude.
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885. I don't know.
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886. Bill...
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887. what are you doing here, man?
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888. I could have sworn
I saw you guys take off.
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889. How did you get away?
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890. Are you kidding me, Jim?
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891. I know this place
like the back of my hand.
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892. Jim...
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893. How many friends
do you have now, Steve?
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894. Arggh!
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895. Revenge, huh?
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896. Don't call it revenge,
think of it as...
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897. time-released justice.
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898. Fuck you, assholes.
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899. Well, Jim... turns out
that Norman Bates was wrong.
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900. Seems a boy's best friend
isn't his mother.
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901. It's his older brother.
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902. Each murder he committed
was like a little present.
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903. He wasn't just playing...
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904. he was playing for me.
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905. Some monsters are harder
to recognise than others, Jim.
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906. Thanks for your help, Cathy.
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