Dark Horse (2012)

1. I never dance.

2. Just not my thing.

3. oh, sorry. Excuse me.

4. Um, excuse me?

5. Sorry. Excuse me.

6. Hey.

7. Well, it was really nice to meet you.

8. Oh. Yeah.

9. Um, do you think that I could call you?

10. S-sure.

11. - I mean... - Do you have a pen?

12. Oh, sorry.

13. Oh, hey. Actually, I could just punch it directly into my cell.

14. Oh, great.

15. Go ahead.

16. I, I can give you my work number.

17. That's cool.

18. Actually...

19. home is fine, too. Or cell phone. I mean, either way.

20. Um, well...

21. It's okay. Go ahead. I'm ready.

22. Uh, nine...

23. Nine.

24. One...

25. Nine-one-seven.

26. You know what? I'll give you my home number.

27. Home number. Okay.

28. Five...

29. Five-one-six.

30. One sec.

31. Five-one-six...

32. Six, five, one, six. Seven...

33. right, cinco, uno, seis.

34. Hi, Abe. Did you have a nice time?

35. You said you wanted me to look sexier.

36. Here you go.

37. Thanks, Justin.

38. Did you finish the spreadsheets?

39. I'm on top of it, dad.

40. I need them done by Monday morning.

41. I know. I said, "I'm on top of it."

42. - Need a hand? - Thanks, Marie.

43. But, really, I can deal with this on my own.

44. - How's it going, cuz? - Fine.

45. Are you going to see Tron Legacy?

46. The trailer looks pretty good.

47. Where are you going?

48. I have a meeting.

49. Oh.

50. Excuse me.

51. Oh, hi. Can I help you?

52. Yes, I'd like to make a return.

53. Was there something wrong with the item?

54. Well, I bought it here last week, and when I opened it,

55. I saw that it had a scratch mark on it.

56. Ugh... you opened it.

57. Yeah?

58. Sorry. Once you've opened a sealed item, it's no longer returnable.

59. But it had a scratch mark on it.

60. I'm sorry. You opened it.

61. Can I speak to the manager?

62. He's not here right now.

63. Well, then, when will he be back?

64. Oh, gee, I don't know. He's on break.

65. I want his name and his telephone number.

66. Well, I'm sure if you wait just a few minutes...

67. I have no time for this shit!

68. You'll be hearing from my attorney.

69. Pff.

70. Oh! Do you know what? Um...

71. I gotta go to the bathroom, okay?

72. No, no, no, no, no. I'm winning.

73. It's not a forfeit. I'll be right back.

74. Hello?

75. Hello. Is this Miranda?

76. Who is this?

77. It's Abe. How you doing?

78. Abe?

79. From the wedding.

80. Oh, yeah. How's it going?

81. Fantastic!

82. That's great.

83. How's it going with you?

84. Okay. Can you hold a sec?

85. Hello?

86. Uh...

87. listen, sorry, but I have to go.

88. Oh, uh, no problem. Would you like to get together on Saturday.

89. Okay, bye.

90. I'll come by at 3:00.

91. Hi, I'm Abe.

92. - Is Miranda around? - No.

93. Was she expecting you?

94. Um, yeah. Uh, you know...

95. I probably got the times mixed up.

96. I'm so sorry. Do you know when she'll be back?

97. Uh, no. Not really, I'm afraid.

98. That's okay.

99. Uh, I'll just wait in the car if that's okay. Thanks.

100. Marie, what are you doing here?

101. Couldn't help myself.

102. I know how hard it is for you to get things done,

103. and I didn't wanna see you get in trouble with your dad.

104. Oh, Marie, really. You didn't have to.

105. One thing, though. Give up on the girl.

106. But, how did you know?

107. Please, Abe. I wasn't born yesterday.

108. Forget about here. She's too good for you.

109. You haven't got a shot.

110. Hey!

111. It's me, Abe.

112. What are you doing here?

113. We were supposed to, uh...

114. Oh, right. I'm sorry.

115. That's okay. I got some reading done.

116. But, hey, uh, I brought you some flowers.

117. Thanks.

118. Well, come inside, if you want.

119. Sure.

120. Mom? Dad?

121. Hi.

122. I have a visitor.

123. Abe...

124. Abe Wertheimer.

125. So, can I get you something

126. to drink? Juice? Soda?

127. Uh, I will have a diet coke if you have.

128. So sorry. I forgot you were coming by. Really.

129. Oh, really. Don't worry about it. I had some stuff to do in the area.

130. Really? What?

131. Uh, just some things I had to check out, you know.

132. No. What?

133. Nothing interesting, really. Work stuff.

134. Oh, okay. Well, make yourself at home.

135. Um, sit down. I'll be right back.

136. No problemo.

137. So what do you do for a living?

138. Got a company. Work in real estate.

139. Property management, commercial developments.

140. You mean, like all those strip malls?

141. Mm-hmm.

142. Where there used to be parks and mom-and-pop stores.

143. How'd you get into that line of work?

144. My dad.

145. - You work for your dad? - Yeah, but

146. he wouldn't have hired me if I weren't up to the job.

147. He interviewed a lot of people, so...

148. It's not like it's nepotism or anything.

149. That's inevitably causing a buildup of the greenhouse gases.

150. Effectively, you can say carbon dioxide

151. is about a third higher in the atmosphere

152. than it was in pre-industrial times, and it's just growing...

153. I really like the way you named your dog "dog."

154. It's so ironic.

155. No, thanks.

156. I used to smoke.

157. It helps me relax.

158. Exactly. That's why I smoked.

159. Then I started thinking about cancer.

160. A friend of mine from high school got testicular cancer.

161. Lost both his testicles.

162. Can never be a father now.

163. I mean, I guess he could adopt,

164. but it's not the same.

165. Not that I'm anti-adoption.

166. Sometimes, you know, I feel like

167. I was born in the wrong time.

168. Like, if I was born a hundred years ago,

169. I'd probably already be married with five kids?

170. You could have a really low sperm count.

171. I don't think so.

172. Why are you so sure?

173. I had myself tested, just in case.

174. Two points.

175. You a giants fan?

176. Follow the super bowl?

177. - No. - Yeah, but,

178. in general, are you more into front runners or dark horses?

179. I kind of see myself

180. as a front runner mentality,

181. but then, I like to play on my dark horse qualities.

182. Just strategically, if you know what I mean.

183. When's your birthday?

184. January 30th.

185. Interesting.

186. Why?

187. We met on September 30th.

188. Yeah?

189. Well, a lot of people will tell you there's no meaning to dates and numbers,

190. but I'll tell you something, they're wrong.

191. And it has nothing to do with astrology,

192. which is, like, total bullshit.

193. "What's your sign? I'm a gemini." No, no, no.

194. It has to do with the dates and numbers themselves.

195. Why?

196. Because they mean something.

197. What's the meaning?

198. Takes time to figure out, but it's there.

199. And it matters.

200. Kind of like in the kabbalah,

201. only not the Madonna kind.

202. Trust me, dates and numbers

203. have to be right.

204. Okay.

205. Miranda, I have something I wanna say.

206. - What? - I know this might

207. take you by surprise, I mean, like, totally wild and crazy, I know.

208. I'm just a dark horse at heart, but I always

209. just tell myself, "Abe, go for it!"

210. Uh-huh.

211. Miranda, I wanna marry you.

212. Will you accept?

213. Don't say anything. Just think about it.

214. I know. It's totally crazy. I know.

215. I just wanted to put it out there, let you know how I feel.

216. But let's just push that aside for now.

217. You wanna go to the movies?

218. Go to the mall or something?

219. Pick up some tacos?

220. Hi, there. Did you have a nice day?

221. Raisins give me gas.

222. They do?

223. Yes, mom.

224. But they never gave you gas when you were a little boy.

225. Yeah, well, they give me gas now, so, please, no raisins.

226. Okay, then, I'll just leave them on

227. the side and give you some prunes instead.

228. Prunes? I don't want any prunes.

229. You finish the spreadsheets?

230. Yes.

231. Well, then, where are they?

232. The computer's jammed.

233. As soon as I fix it, I'll email them to you.

234. - "Jammed?" - Yeah, jammed.

235. There's a technical glitch in the software.

236. I told you, I need this stuff done, today, the latest.

237. Yeah, well, it's not like it's my fault!

238. Well, then, who's fault is it?

239. I can't take anymore of this crap!

240. You always blame me for everything!

241. Well, fuck you! I quit!

242. Fine!

243. And you can pack up and move out

244. of the house while you're at it!

245. And you can program the TiVo yourself!

246. George Clooney.

247. Nicole Kidman.

248. Brad Pitt.

249. Abe? Honey? Is everything...

250. What the hell are you doing?

251. I want a divorce.

252. What do you want?

253. Honey...?

254. Talk to me.

255. Dad's such an asshole.

256. I know, honey.

257. I hate him.

258. I know.

259. I mean, like, I'm always so nice to him.

260. Like showing him how to work the TiVo, and other stuff.

261. I know.

262. I'm moving out.

263. Where you gonna go?

264. Away. As far away as possible.

265. Do you need any money?

266. I have savings. I don't need anyone's help.

267. I mean, like, mom, I'm...

268. Remember, I'm always here for you.

269. Mom.

270. Yes, honey?

271. Actually, you know, you never did pay up for my backgammon winnings.

272. Oh, well, I'll write you a check in the morning.

273. $845, as of October 4th.

274. You're always so good with dates and numbers.

275. Hey, you wanna play a quick round, just for fun?

276. First, the check.

277. Can I pay you in installments?

278. Otherwise, if your father finds out...

279. he won't.

280. Don't leave us. Please.

281. Where are you gonna go?

282. I haven't decided yet. Maybe France.

283. The dollar's not so strong these days.

284. I can go to Mexico.

285. But you hate the heat.

286. They have air conditioning there, in some places.

287. Then go to Mexico.

288. If that's what you need to get out of your system.

289. What's the point?

290. Wherever I go...

291. Maybe, you should go back into therapy.

292. Psychiatrists are idiots! The whole profession is a joke!

293. I know my problems better than anyone, and there's no solution.

294. - Dr. Sonnenschein... - Dr. Sonnenschein

295. is the biggest fucking idiot of them all!

296. He helped your father and me.

297. He helped us with our marriage. You remember. We almost got a divorce.

298. You should've gotten divorced.

299. May... maybe some medication.

300. Fuck that! I don't do drugs!

301. I don't need drugs!

302. People should just face their problems head on, face the truth.

303. And what is the truth?

304. We're all horrible people.

305. Humanity's a fucking cesspool.

306. People look in the mirror every fucking day

307. and lie to themselves,

308. saying they're good or caring, or loving.

309. But deep down, not so deep down,

310. they only care about themselves.

311. People...

312. People treat you like shit...

313. Every fucking day.

314. And then they act like other people are shit.

315. So, they get a pet that's all cute and cuddly.

316. But even an animal knows the hard, primal truth.

317. It is all about what you want.

318. And if there's any kindness or generosity,

319. it only comes after being well fed,

320. or having good sex,

321. or knowing that you weren't wiped out

322. like all the other suckers on wall street.

323. Baby...

324. I care about you.

325. Here. I've got the spreadsheets.

326. Thanks, Marie.

327. Oh! Hey, Abe. How's it going?

328. What are you doing here?

329. My job. Uh, derrr.

330. Now listen here, Abe.

331. What are you gonna do? Fire me?

332. I can't fire you. You quit.

333. Ha... you wish.

334. - Abey. - What?

335. Son, maybe you should go back to school, finish your degree.

336. You didn't finish yours.

337. Things are not the same.

338. Oh, so, what? Like, I'm retarded or something?

339. Like, I need the degree, but you don't.

340. Your brother got a degree.

341. Talk to him. He's a doctor. Maybe he can help you.

342. Richard and I don't talk.

343. You love your older brother. You should make up with him.

344. Are you out of your fucking mind?

345. But he's your brother. What did he do to you that was so horrible?

346. You don't know what it was like growing up with him.

347. You can never understand.

348. I'm gonna tell him to give you a call.

349. Enough is enough.

350. This is between me and him, dad.

351. Stay out of it!

352. Can you believe my father?

353. I mean, like, I didn't even do anything.

354. And yet, somehow it's all... always all my fault.

355. Well, family and business

356. is always a tricky combination.

357. Everything would be fine if he wasn't such a fucking asshole!

358. You see the way he talks to me.

359. I know. It's hard.

360. And I got a lot going on. I do not have time for this shit.

361. I'm, like, in the middle of a relationship.

362. Really?

363. Well, that's great. Who is she?

364. I met her a week ago at a wedding.

365. And?

366. I'm in love.

367. Aww...

368. I asked her to marry me.

369. Wow. I mean, isn't that a little...?

370. She's thinking it over.

371. Do your parents know?

372. No. If I told them, they'd totally fuck it up.

373. I mean, like, this is my life, not theirs.

374. So, um...

375. How often have you been seeing her?

376. Just saw her this weekend.

377. Does she live nearby?

378. Yeah, about three hours away, but, really, it's not a problem.

379. So you only see her on weekends, then.

380. That's the plan... for now.

381. Well... I really hope it all works out.

382. She said no.

383. Do you think that I should keep going after her?

384. Oh, kiddo...

385. I should just blow out my brains.

386. Don't talk that way.

387. You know, if it wasn't for my dad, I could've been a singer?

388. That's what I really wanted to be.

389. But...

390. He said I had no future.

391. Now I'm even too old for American idol.

392. hello?

393. Hey. It's Richard.

394. Hey.

395. How's it going

396. back home on the range?

397. Okay. How's California?

398. Hot.

399. So, mom tell you to call?

400. She said you were going through a rough patch.

401. I just thought I'd call and see if...

402. Mrs. Burill.

403. Well, if you need anything.

404. Like what?

405. I could lend you some money.

406. I don't need any money.

407. Listen, I know how tough things can be with dad.

408. Things are just fine with dad.

409. You know, I don't know, maybe if you just,

410. just finish your college degree.

411. If I'd wanted a college degree, I'd have gotten one and been like you.

412. Listen, I was just trying to help. I know we're not close anymore.

413. We were never close... the most I ever saw you was,

414. like, twice a year when you were in med school.

415. And you were always late showing up when we did meet.

416. Abe, I really have no recollection of being late.

417. I know. That's 'cause you don't remember anything you did to me.

418. What I did to you? What are you talking about?

419. Like the time we planned on going on a cross-country road trip,

420. and you canceled on me at the last minute 'cause you got invite to go to fire island.

421. Abe, that was, like, 10 years ago, and I paid you back for all of the camping gear.

422. And, all right, I am sorry if you think that

423. I ruined your summer vacation 10 years ago!

424. You always ruin things for me, and you always act like it was my fault somehow.

425. But you, like, you're so superior, like, you're not really sorry,

426. 'cause it's not possible for you to be wrong.

427. No! 'Cause you're so fucking moral!

428. what?

429. Hi, it's me.

430. Oh.

431. I'm so sorry about this weekend.

432. Really, I've been feeling horrible ever since you left.

433. Can you, can you come over tonight?

434. I can do that.

435. you know, not that I'm an expert on these things,

436. but, maybe you should

437. start taking a little less medication?

438. Please tell me something,

439. and I need you

440. to be honest.

441. Are you for real?

442. Absolutely.

443. 200%.

444. And you're not being ironic?

445. Like, performance art, or something?

446. Well, I suppose it's true that most people

447. would describe me as having an ironic sense of humor,

448. but I'm definitely not into performance art

449. or anything like that... no way.

450. And you were serious

451. about what you said last time?

452. Absolutely. A thousand percent.

453. Even though you hardly...

454. I know all I need to know.

455. Do you think you might want...?

456. I want to want you.

457. That's enough for me.

458. I had a long Skype with Mahmoud,

459. my ex.

460. And I told him all about you.

461. How different you are from what I'm used to.

462. All the downside, everything.

463. And he agrees.

464. I should stop trying to slit my wrists,

465. give up on a literary career,

466. give up on hope, ambition,

467. success, independence, self-respect.

468. I should just get married and have children.

469. Oh, my God.

470. That wasn't horrible.

471. Things could've been so much worse.

472. I know.

473. I mean, like, so much worse.

474. So, how was the traffic?

475. Oh, not so bad.

476. I mean, I'm pretty good at timing things out.

477. Still, I mean, we'd have gotten here sooner,

478. except we missed the exit.

479. Oh...

480. Coming off of 95?

481. It would've been better to take the parkway, I think.

482. I told him to take the parkway.

483. 95 was the fastest.

484. Anyway, there's construction going on.

485. Oh.

486. No, on the parkway.

487. Have to take a detour. Pain in the ass.

488. Well, actually, the construction's over.

489. I think the parkway is much better.

490. That's what I said.

491. They're supposed to be building a new thru-way.

492. Off the turnpike.

493. Oh?

494. - Might simplify things. - Oh, yeah.

495. Gonna be rush hour soon.

496. Terrible. Hmm?

497. Don't wanna get stuck in that.

498. Yeah, so, uh, let's see, uh,

499. here's the walk-in closet/hamper room.

500. Bathroom.

501. My mom's a licensed interior decorator.

502. So, she gets really good deals on designer furniture and fixtures.

503. Richard's room. Barf-ola.

504. Uh, this is my parents' room.

505. And, see this door frame?

506. Yeah.

507. My dad used to mark here me and my brother's

508. heights when we were growing up.

509. Oh, neat. Where?

510. You can't see them now.

511. They were wallpapered over during the first redecoration.

512. That's too bad.

513. I know. Classic Wertheimer move.

514. They forgot about it. Then, it was too late.

515. My dad...

516. - What? - Nothing.

517. Anyway, Richard's shorter than me, and he's super insecure

518. about it, so what do I care?

519. Now, this here...

520. My room.

521. What do you think?

522. I'm kind of into James Bond, double-oh-seven.

523. This hat, over here,

524. it's a copy of the one originally worn by oddjob in goldfinger.

525. Don't worry, I am not a trekkie,

526. or anything super nerdy like that.

527. Is this Richard? He looks nice.

528. Um... eye check?

529. Don't worry. You'll meet him eventually.

530. He's a total asshole, just like my dad. You'll see.

531. I was thinking, maybe one day, we could live here.

532. What do you mean?

533. No, no, no. Not in this bedroom, of course,

534. or at least only for a little while.

535. It's too small in here. No, no. Don't worry.

536. We'd move into my parents' bedroom, after the move to Florida.

537. You could redecorate it!

538. You mean, you don't wanna get your own place?

539. What for?

540. We could keep this home in our family for, like, generations.

541. Our kids could give it to their kids and then to their kids.

542. Only instead of assholes, everyone

543. would be totally cool and respectful.

544. We have central heating and air conditioning.

545. Outdoor swimming pool.

546. What more could you ask for?

547. Abe?

548. Yeah?

549. There's something I have to tell you.

550. Yeah?

551. Before we have children.

552. Go on.

553. And before we get married.

554. Yeah?

555. Oh, I should've told you before.

556. Before what?

557. I'm sorry.

558. Tell me.

559. I feel so stupid,

560. so guilty.

561. What?

562. Whatever it is, it's okay.

563. I have a condition.

564. What do you mean?

565. I have hepatitis.

566. Hepatitis B.

567. Uh, what does that mean?

568. I mean, exactly?

569. There's a chance, a small chance,

570. I could infect you,

571. or could have already.

572. Although, don't worry.

573. The doctor says it should have

574. no impact on any pregnancy.

575. Uh...

576. Is it, is it...

577. Is it fatal?

578. Rarely.

579. But, still, I thought you should know.

580. Thanks.

581. This is a hard thing to talk about.

582. I'm in treatment now.

583. The doctors are optimistic, but still...

584. Still...

585. I haven't told anyone.

586. No one?

587. Except Mahmoud... of course.

588. Of course.

589. Is this gonna affect things?

590. Make you change your mind?

591. Oh, God, no.

592. I, um, I love you.

593. That's all that matters.

594. Thank you, Abe.

595. I knew you'd be good about this.

596. Hepatitis B is caused by a virus that attacks the liver.

597. Though most commonly spread through injection drug use or unprotected sex,

598. it can even be transmitted through contact with such bodily fluids

599. as sweat and tears, or shared toothbrushes.

600. The virus leads to chronic irritation and inflammation of the liver,

601. causing cirrhosis, which is often merely setting the stage for liver cancer.

602. These complications result in

603. the deaths of 5,000 Americans each year.

604. Well, I guess that takes care of that.

605. What do you mean?

606. Come now, Abe.

607. First she wants you for your money,

608. now she's gonna infect you with

609. a terminal condition, if she hasn't already.

610. Really? Come on.

611. But it's not terminal.

612. Hardly anyone ever dies of it.

613. Well, if you want to take that chance.

614. I love her.

615. Do you?

616. Doctor's office.

617. Hi, this is Abe. Can I speak to Richard, please?

618. I'm sorry. Abe who?

619. His brother.

620. Ah, please hold. I'll see if I can find him.

621. I'm sorry, he's with a patient now. Can I take a message?

622. Yeah, just have him call me back.

623. Sure. Could I please have your number.

624. He's got it.

625. But just so I can have a record,

626. in case he's misplaced or lost it somehow.

627. If he's lost it, he doesn't need to call me back.

628. hi!

629. I've been trying to reach you all day. Is everything okay?

630. Yeah, no. I'm sorry. It's just been so crazy at work and all.

631. Well, listen, I wanted to tell you. I spoke with Mahmoud.

632. He's back from Dubai, and he said

633. he would love to get together this weekend.

634. I'm so happy! Would you like to come with us?

635. Um... okay?

636. Oh, good, I was so afraid you'd be all uptight,

637. or upset, or possessive-neurotic, or something.

638. This is gonna be so much fun.

639. You're gonna love Mahmoud.

640. Some Russian immigrants just bought the house across the street.

641. A young couple.

642. Mmm, it's good to own something.

643. Owning can change the way you look at the world,

644. the way you experience it.

645. It can make you more complete as a person,

646. people who don't own...

647. they have to rent.

648. Listen, your mom and I, we've been talking.

649. And we've decided that

650. if you're gonna want to buy a house,

651. we'll help you out.

652. Isn't that wonderful, Abey?

653. But we haven't decided yet what we wanna do.

654. Well, where do you plan to live?

655. I told you. We haven't decided.

656. We don't think the same way you and mom do.

657. - What's that supposed to mean? - Jackie...

658. Maybe I don't want a marriage like yours.

659. Abey. Did something happen?

660. Like what?

661. Well, I mean, uh, is everything...

662. What?

663. No. Say it.

664. You think she's changed her mind about me? That maybe she's come to her senses?

665. I didn't, I didn't say that.

666. No, you didn't have to.

667. Anyway, maybe I've come to my senses.

668. What is this, science fiction?

669. I'm like, I don't know what I'm looking at here.

670. - Hey. - Oh, hi. Abe.

671. I'm so happy you made it. I was getting worried.

672. Yeah. Me, too.

673. Abe, this is Mahmoud.

674. Um, uh, it's, uh, nice to meet you.

675. I love that shirt, that color.

676. - Where did you find that? - Uh...

677. Loehmann's, hmm?

678. I...

679. hi, can I get you something to drink?

680. Um, diet coke, please.

681. Sure. I'll be right back.

682. So, where are you guys going to live?

683. Well, we haven't really gone into detail on that yet.

684. - Oh... - We have to see.

685. Well, you should do it now,

686. because it's a total buyer's market out there. Yes.

687. Possibly, we'll move into my place.

688. But don't you live with your parents.

689. - Yeah, but they're planning to move to Florida. - Really?

690. They're in the planning... they're in the planning stages.

691. Still, nothing wrong with living with your parents.

692. It's how most of the world lives.

693. It's just us westerners who are all fucked up and weird about it, right?

694. You're such a post-Marxist cliché sometimes.

695. What do you want, you know?

696. At home on the range.

697. He's so cute.

698. Where did you find this guy?

699. Oh, my God.

700. Could you excuse me for a sec?

701. Oh...

702. This feels so good.

703. Ah...

704. Say, do you work out?

705. No.

706. Oh, you should.

707. I like watery sports, myself.

708. Oh, don't worry.

709. Not golden showers, eh? Hmm?

710. It was... It was you

711. who gave her the hepatitis,

712. wasn't it?

713. What?

714. Ahh!

715. Way to go, kiddo.

716. Oh, ho, ho...

717. It's okay. You did good.

718. You did good.

719. Wow!

720. I, uh...

721. Got it after I sold the estate.

722. Your father helped me out.

723. You want something to drink?

724. Um... diet coke?

725. Or, or whatever you're having, then, would be fine.

726. Gee...

727. All this time, I'd imagined you living in

728. some depressing place with,

729. I don't know,

730. stuffed animals and pictures of cats.

731. Not quite.

732. I never met your husband. What was he like?

733. Forgettable.

734. Does that mean you weren't sad when he left you?

735. We hadn't fucked since '98.

736. Did he cheat on you?

737. It's not cheating when you despise each other.

738. So, then, why didn't you divorce sooner?

739. The kids.

740. I didn't know you had kids.

741. Twins. Almost your age.

742. - What are their names? - What's it to you? They're dead.

743. I'm sorry.

744. For what?

745. I never... I...

746. How did they die?

747. One jumped. The other O. D.'D.

748. Suicide.

749. Sometimes, I've thought about ending it all.

750. Don't think about it.

751. Do it or shut up about it.

752. You are

753. so different here from the way you are at the office.

754. I'm not on payroll here.

755. You're, like... a cougar.

756. Because I like fucking younger men?

757. No, I didn't mean...

758. - I mean... - What do you mean?

759. I'm sorry, Miranda. I didn't mean to imply...

760. Imply what?

761. Look, Marie,

762. I'm not as inexperienced as you might think I am.

763. I've been

764. with cougars before, a lot of them.

765. I'm not a kid.

766. I know.

767. Next thing you know, you'll be 50, and your life will be over,

768. and you'll still be living at home.

769. You know it costs a lot of money to move out. I'm not rich!

770. You're a cheapskate and a freeloader. Face it.

771. They're my parents! They need me!

772. No. Grow up.

773. No one needs you.

774. Hello?

775. Abe, how are you?

776. I tried reaching you at work, but the secretary there,

777. she said she didn't know where you were,

778. and your cell phone was off,

779. so I figured I'd call you at home.

780. I hope that's okay.

781. I'm running a little, uh, late.

782. Listen, I am so sorry about last night.

783. It was my fault. Mahmoud...

784. uh, it's okay. It's nobody's fault.

785. I feel so stupid about the whole thing.

786. I should've known better.

787. We spent practically the whole night together in the E.R.

788. It was a nightmare.

789. I had to hold his hand the whole time he was being stitched up.

790. He was so freaked out. They think his jaw might be broken.

791. But, really, he feels bad about the whole thing.

792. He's litigious, but he's also empathetic.

793. Anyway, I miss you, and I hope you can come over tonight.

794. I bought you a new toothbrush,

795. so you won't have to borrow mine again.

796. Abe? Abe?

797. So if you remember what happened way back on the Roseland project,

798. the zoning issues, the bank headaches,

799. the sellers who said they could

800. get approvals when they couldn't, yadda, yadda, yadda,

801. so, what I'm thinking on Eastlake,

802. now, here's what I think we ought to do.

803. If we can possibly get the seller.

804. We fund the sellers, and then we stay in the back room.

805. We fund them as they go for the approvals.

806. You...

807. I'm sorry.

808. Stomach issues.

809. Okay, well, we can decide whether or not

810. it's worthwhile to go forward.

811. And then, once you've submitted the wetlands delineation,

812. we'll probably do a phase one environmental.

813. We can also look for some adjacent properties,

814. of course, you know, if you want.

815. And then, as the deal starts to fall together.

816. Right, right.

817. We could enter into contracts and options on the adjacent property,

818. - so we can get contingent uses. - Very smart.

819. So, does that make sense?

820. Sure, yeah. I get it.

821. I have to make some calls.

822. Marie, make copies, and, Justin, we'll talk about this.

823. Uh, this season, Jackie. Jesus.

824. So, you you still bet on the giants?

825. They're not exactly the dark horse team these days.

826. Well, you say you like the dark horse,

827. and then you throw a fit when they don't come through.

828. What can I say? I like a winner.

829. - All right, I'll talk to you next week, okay? - Yep.

830. Abe, come with me inside my office.

831. I have some things I wanna go over with you.

832. Okay, if it's short,

833. 'cause I got, like, a lot of stuff I gotta take care of.

834. Abe, we have to talk.

835. We are talking.

836. - Sit down. - What for?

837. Your cousin, Justin...

838. I know. Total loser.

839. I'm giving him your job.

840. What?

841. Be honest.

842. Did you ever even want this job?

843. But my job is my job.

844. Justin isn't creative like you. He doesn't think out of the box.

845. He does what he's told. He's happy. You...

846. I'm your son.

847. I know, and this is eating me up.

848. Pff, no, it's not.

849. Really, we can't go on the way things have been going,

850. or it's gonna be the end of me in the business.

851. What? You think that I was faking having a stomach problem?

852. You know Dr. Baskin thinks

853. - I might have an ulcer? - No.

854. A bleeding ulcer!

855. Or do you actually just think that I'm lazy?

856. I think you're in the wrong line of work, and it's my fault.

857. I allowed things to go so far.

858. Damn right! It's your fault! I've given you my best years.

859. If it wasn't for me, this whole business, it would've gone under years ago.

860. Stop.

861. I was supposed to be the dark horse.

862. What?

863. Does mom know?

864. We've discussed it for a long time.

865. All this time...

866. Now...

867. You stab me in the back.

868. Abe...

869. I'm not young anymore.

870. How am I gonna survive, on my fucking bar Mitzvah savings?

871. I'm giving you tough love.

872. Fuck you.

873. Don't listen to your father.

874. I can't believe you didn't discuss this all with me!

875. - How would it have changed things? - You don't understand.

876. It changes everything now. This whole time I thought I knew you, that I could count on you.

877. Trust you. All this time.

878. My life, my whole life, it's been lies!

879. Abe, honey, no one ever lied.

880. You just didn't see the truth.

881. What fucking truth are you talking about? That I'm a failure?

882. Sweetie, we'd written you off as a failure years ago.

883. Everyone knows.

884. Richard's the success, and you're the failure.

885. Life just turned out that way. What could we do?

886. Why didn't you screw Richard up?

887. Why did he have to be the one to get all the praise? All the prizes? All the...

888. I worked for what I got in life, Abe.

889. Nothing was handed to me on a silver platter.

890. It's true. I treated you equally.

891. Except Richard was the favorite.

892. Is it my fault if I studied in school?

893. You cruised through school.

894. Homework was easy for you. You never had to study!

895. I was smart. So shoot me.

896. It's true. He was gifted. But I still loved you both the same.

897. Bullshit!

898. Your problem was that you were lazy.

899. You had opportunities, and you blew them.

900. It's true. You always had an attitude problem.

901. I can remember even from when I nursed you as a baby.

902. Some babies cried. It's true. Even Richard cried from time to time.

903. But you were a screamer.

904. I can't help it if I was a screamer!

905. And I can't help it if I was easy!

906. So this is why you put me out on the street?

907. What am I gonna do now?

908. Oh, please. Don't be such a drama queen.

909. You know mom and dad will never kick you out of your bedroom.

910. No, never.

911. Although we are thinking of selling the house and moving to Florida.

912. Fuck both of you! The wedding's off!

913. Miranda and I are gonna elope.

914. Whatever makes you happy, sweetheart,

915. but are you sure she's going through with it?

916. Are you sure that you're going through with it?

917. Seemed to me when you called there might've been a little bit of a health issue?

918. Ahh!

919. What the...? What are you doing?

920. Abe, don't!

921. - Hey! - Lock the door! Oh!

922. Get out of my car!

923. What the hell are you doing?

924. Can you believe it? I mean, Justin?

925. Justin's a good kid.

926. He's a fucking moron!

927. Maybe. But he does what he's told. People like him.

928. What are you saying? You're on my dad's side or something?

929. I like Justin. He's easy on the eyes.

930. Are you fucking him?

931. Are you jealous?

932. Ugh, eww! How could you?

933. You're out of shape. Maybe if you worked out, things would be different.

934. But Justin is, like, practically in high school!

935. He's already been to college...

936. And he graduated.

937. Justin?

938. Justin!

939. Hi, Marie. Hi, Abe.

940. How's it going?

941. Let's show Abe

942. life passing him by.

943. oh, hi. Can I help you?

944. Yes. I'm looking for my fiancé.

945. Oh, I'm sorry. We don't carry any fiancés here.

946. But I know she's here.

947. Maybe you'd like to try one of our other outlets?

948. Look, I just told you she's here!

949. Do I have to talk to the store manager?

950. Sorry, he's out for lunch. But he'll be back in a few minutes, if you'd like to wait.

951. No. I would not like to wait.

952. I paid for a fiancé, and I want her now!

953. Maybe you'd like to flip through our catalog.

954. We could special order for you, if you'd like.

955. But I'm afraid, once a purchase has been opened, it can't be returned... store policy.

956. But I have a receipt.

957. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't make out the date.

958. There's a little smudge.

959. You know what? Just give me a store credit.

960. I'm sorry, but this was a final sale.

961. I need a store credit. I need a store credit.

962. - Sorry. - I need a fucking store credit!

963. Is there a problem here?

964. My jaw is permanently damaged.

965. There are things I may never again do with my mouth.

966. It's okay. I know. You didn't mean it.

967. You have no sense of irony.

968. You don't even really know what it means.

969. I know you don't mean to be

970. a total asshole like your father.

971. I know that you are courageous

972. and loyal in sticking by Miranda

973. despite her deadly and contagious disease,

974. even though you know

975. she was never really serious about you.

976. And she would've been far better off with your brother, Richard,

977. with whom she has so much more in common.

978. He's very good-looking, isn't he? Hmm?

979. Abe, I know

980. that life has been unfair to you

981. because it has given you every possible advantage.

982. So your feelings of inadequacy are endless and unrelenting.

983. Your toy-collecting,

984. a reflexive textbook pathology

985. of Western consumerist capitalism.

986. But still, I am afraid

987. I cannot give you any credit.

988. No credit. No exchange.

989. No refund.

990. But I have a receipt.

991. Poor thing. You really don't get it, do you?

992. Get what?

993. Everyone has a receipt.

994. And it never adds up.

995. It's called...

996. Mom, dad, he's awake.

997. Shh, shh, shh...

998. - Oh... - Abe?

999. You're okay.

1000. You had a little accident,

1001. but you're gonna be just fine.

1002. What... what accident?

1003. You totaled your hummer leaving the office.

1004. Don't worry. The insurance is covering it.

1005. You had a very low deductible.

1006. Your father's been so upset. He's hardly slept a wink.

1007. When did this happen?

1008. Oh, almost two months ago.

1009. You were leaving the office parking lot, and I think...

1010. apparently, you didn't look both ways.

1011. Abe, listen. I don't want you to worry.

1012. I won't give Justin your job.

1013. You can work for me as long as you like.

1014. Where's Miranda?

1015. I just texted her. She's on her way.

1016. She wants to know if anyone wants bagels.

1017. Tell her to bring some nova.

1018. And some cream cheese.

1019. I need to speak with her now.

1020. She's coming.

1021. - Low-fat? Regular? - Low-fat.

1022. Onion or garlic?

1023. - Miranda... - She'll be here.

1024. Hey.

1025. Hey.

1026. How are you feeling?

1027. Okay.

1028. How about you?

1029. Okay.

1030. Uh... your treatment?

1031. It worked.

1032. I'm all better.

1033. It's weird.

1034. It's like I was dead for two months.

1035. We thought you weren't gonna make it.

1036. We were sure it was over.

1037. The doctors...

1038. but I made it.

1039. How do you feel?

1040. I don't know.

1041. I have no feeling.

1042. I mean, my legs.

1043. My feet...

1044. Toes.

1045. Nothing.

1046. It's like I'm...

1047. And it's funny, 'cause you know what?

1048. I feel like dancing now.

1049. It's weird.

1050. 'Cause I had, like, a lot of dreams.

1051. And you know how people say that

1052. they wish their dreams could come true?

1053. Well, I don't.

1054. I prefer reality.

1055. I prefer what's here and what's now.

1056. I prefer being with you.

1057. What's the matter?

1058. Why are you crying?

1059. I know we hardly know each other.

1060. And I know we have nothing in common.

1061. And I know I was never really

1062. attracted to you.

1063. And I know how

1064. I wasn't gonna let any of that get in the way.

1065. But I never knew...

1066. I never knew I would care.

1067. About?

1068. I'm sorry. I have to go.

1069. Wait.

1070. What were you saying that you cared about?

1071. Care? What?

1072. You were saying that you never knew you cared.

1073. Yeah.

1074. Well, what were you referring to?

1075. Nothing. I'm just talking.

1076. Being silly.

1077. Feel better.

1078. - Miranda? - Yes?

1079. My mother said that she thinks you're...

1080. Pregnant.

1081. Is it true?

1082. You know your mom.

1083. I know.

1084. That's why I'm asking.

1085. Because if it's true.

1086. If you're carrying my baby,

1087. it's gonna be okay.

1088. Don't worry.

1089. I'm not.

1090. you know,

1091. the doctor said it's like one in a billion people

1092. that basically lose their legs in a car accident,

1093. come out of

1094. a two-month coma,

1095. and then develop hepatitis B.

1096. Marie, could you do me a favor?

1097. Sure, hon. What do you want?

1098. Can you go to Toys R US and return something for me?

1099. Sure. No problem.

1100. If you have to, speak to the store manager.

1101. I've got the receipt.

1102. And, Marie?

1103. Yes?

1104. Come closer.

1105. Closer.

1106. Closer.

1107. You don't have to say anything.

1108. I know.

1109. I've been told before.

1110. I'm a really good kisser.

1111. You know, technically, he actually died on February 6th.

1112. "Technically" what?

1113. The date's wrong.

1114. It's okay. Leave it.

1115. Your mother doesn't need to hear.

1116. It's not important. It doesn't matter. No one cares.

1117. to finish the spreadsheets.

1118. Uh, sure thing, Uncle Jackie.

1119. Show me what you got.

1120. Here we go.

1121. It's a list of all the units on the property.

1122. Has the nail salon paid up?

1123. Uh, no. We're still waiting for a final payment.

1124. Call Phil again and tell him to follow up.

1125. Draw up eviction papers.

1126. What about the bagel place?

1127. The attorneys get back to you?

1128. Yes. Uh, they requested that we move the court date to the end of next month.

1129. And the drycleaners, are they're gonna

1130. pass the environmental,

1131. or they still working on the cleanup?

1132. The work is done. They're just waiting for the inspectors.

1133. Ask Phil what he can do to speed things up.

1134. I don't want Eastlake to fall apart.

1135. Oh, of course. Of course, Uncle Jackie.