Coming to America (1988)

1. Good morning, Your Highness.

2. Good morning, Your Highness.

3. Good morning, Your Highness.

4. Happy birthday, Your Highness.

5. Yes, it is my birthday.

6. Oha, it is my 21 st birthday.

7. Do you think perhaps, just once, I might use the bathroom by myself?

8. Most amusing, sir.

9. Wipers!

10. The royal penis is clean, Your Highness.

11. His Highness must be very excited today.

12. Why is that, Oha?

13. Today is your 21 st birthday, which means you meet your wife-to-be.

14. Well, I am curious,

15. but how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?

16. He certainly is quiet this morning.

17. He looks sad.

18. Is something troubling you, my son?

19. No, Father.

20. Son, please.

21. I am more than the exalted ruler of this land

22. and the master of all I survey.

23. I'm also a concerned dad.

24. Well, Father...

25. Just a moment.

26. What is he doing?

27. It looks as if he's coming down here to talk to us.

28. Wait right there, Akeem.

29. Rose-bearers!

30. Akeem. Come, sit.

31. Now, my son...

32. - You've grown a moustache. - Jaffe, it has been a year.

33. So, what is it, my son?

34. Well, Father, first of all, it is things like this.

35. - Like what? - The rose petals.

36. What is the matter, dear? You are the son of a king.

37. Why should you not walk on the petals of roses?

38. But, Mother, if there were no rose petals,

39. I would still be the son of a king.

40. Then it is settled.

41. From this day forth,

42. anyone who throws roses at my son's feet will answer to me.

43. Father, it is not just that. It's everything.

44. The cooking, the pampering, the dressing, the bathing.

45. Actually, I rather enjoy the bathing,

46. but just for once, I would like to cook for myself and take care of myself,

47. dress myself, wipe my own backside.

48. And why? Why can't I find my own wife?

49. So that's it.

50. We've gone to a great deal of trouble to select for you a very fine wife.

51. Since the day she was born,

52. she was taught to walk and speak and think as a queen.

53. But, Father, what if I do not love her?

54. It is normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen.

55. When I first met your father, I was terrified.

56. I must admit, I was frightened, too.

57. I was so nervous, I became nauseous.

58. But over the years,

59. I have grown to love your father very much.

60. So, you see, my son,

61. there is a very fine line between love and nausea.

62. I understand, Father.

63. But when I marry,

64. I want the woman to love me for who I am,

65. not because of what I am.

66. And who are you?

67. I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before.

68. Wrong.

69. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes.

70. Believe me. I tied my own shoes once.

71. It is an overrated experience.

72. Good morning, Your Majesty.

73. It is another beautiful day in Zamunda.

74. And, Semmi? What is it now?

75. You look especially radiant today, Your Grace.

76. - Is that so, Semmi? - Yes.

77. I was just remarking to my mother the other day,

78. "What lovely skin the Queen has. "

79. Semmi, do you not have somewhere you should go?

80. Yes. I was just about to take the birthday boy for his daily workout.

81. Excuse me, Father and Mother.

82. - Have a good day, my son. - Yes.

83. Akeem, what happened to the rose-bearers?

84. Now let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls.

85. So you say you can have a woman who will obey your every command,

86. but you'd rather have a woman who has an opinion?

87. Only dogs are to obey.

88. If you truly love your wife, you will value her opinion.

89. Hippopotamus shit.

90. You're the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

91. Your wife need only have a pretty face, a firm backside,

92. and big breasts like casaba melons.

93. So you would share your bed and your fortune with a beautiful fool?

94. That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.

95. It is also tradition that times must and always do change, my friend.

96. Get your royal engagement T-shirt! Royal engagement T-shirt!

97. Step one, step all, and get your royal engagement T-shirt!

98. These really are delicious.

99. Yes, thank you.

100. Yes. Rare vintage.

101. Your Majesty.

102. I am Colonel Izzi.

103. And today, with your blessing, I offer my daughter to your son.

104. My blessing is granted.

105. Let the courtship commence.

106. Pardon me. Step aside, please.

107. Coming through.

108. Excuse me. Out of the way!

109. Greetings, great Prince.

110. Presenting Miss Imani Izzi.

111. She's your queen-to-be

112. A queen to be forever

113. A queen who'll do

114. whatever His Highness desires

115. She's your queen-to-be

116. A vision of perfection

117. An object of affection

118. To quench your royal fire

119. Completely free from infection

120. To be used at your discretion

121. Waiting only for your direction

122. Your queen-to-be

123. May I talk to you alone for a moment, please?

124. Excuse us for a moment.

125. So...

126. Am I not all you dreamed I would be?

127. Oh, you're fine. Beautiful.

128. It's just that if we're going to be married,

129. I thought we should talk to each other, get to know each other.

130. Ever since I was born, I've been trained to serve you.

131. Yes, I know this. But I would like to know about you.

132. - What do you like to do? - Whatever you like.

133. - What kind of music do you like? - Whatever kind of music you like.

134. Look, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like

135. because you were trained to know what I like.

136. But I would like to know what you like.

137. For instance, do you have a favourite food?

138. - Yes. - Good!

139. - What is your favourite food? - Whatever food you like.

140. This is impossible.

141. Listen, from this moment on, I command you not to obey me.

142. No.

143. Are you saying that no matter what I tell you to do, you will do?

144. Yes, Your Highness.

145. - Anything I say, you'll do? - Yes, Your Highness.

146. Bark like a dog.

147. A big dog.

148. Hop on one leg.

149. Make a noise like an orangutan.

150. I see the two of you are getting along.

151. Excuse me, Imani, for a moment.

152. Fine girl, isn't she?

153. I told you not to worry.

154. Father,

155. about this wedding...

156. The guests are waiting, Your Majesty.

157. Let them wait! I'm talking to my son.

158. Come, let's go for a stroll.

159. Hello, Babar.

160. Time does fly fast, my son.

161. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed,

162. and now you're a man who's about to be married.

163. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?

164. I am not sure if I am ready.

165. Son, I know we never had a talk about this,

166. but I always assumed that you had sex with your bathers.

167. I know I do.

168. It's not that, Father.

169. It's just that I'm 21 years old and I have never left Zamunda.

170. I have yet to experience what the outside world has to offer.

171. So you want to sow your royal oats.

172. No, it's not that. It's...

173. You're right! Get out, see the world, enjoy yourself.

174. Fulfil every erotic desire.

175. And in 40 days, you will come back and marry Imani.

176. - But, Father... - It is settled.

177. May I have your attention, please?

178. The wedding will proceed in 40 days.

179. You may go home now. Good night.

180. Oha, prepare the royal baggage. My son is going on a trip.

181. Prepare the royal baggage.

182. This trip is an excellent idea. Forty days of fornication.

183. Semmi, I have something else in mind. Tell no one of this.

184. I intend to find my bride.

185. What is wrong with the one you have now?

186. When you saw her, tell me you did not want

187. to rip her clothes off right then and there.

188. I want a woman that's going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins.

189. Where will you find such a woman?

190. In America.

191. The land is so big, the choices so infinite.

192. Where shall we go? Los Angeles or New York?

193. We will let fate decide.

194. Heads, New York. Tails, Los Angeles.

195. We go to New York.

196. But where in New York can one find a woman

197. with grace, elegance, taste and culture,

198. a woman suitable for a king?

199. - Queens! - Queens.

200. Mr Oznowitz, Mr Frank Oznowitz,

201. please pick up a white courtesy telephone.

202. Remember, Semmi, no one here can know I am royalty.

203. I must appear to be no different than the average man.

204. I will not say a word.

205. British Airways flight 929 to London is now boarding at gate 15.

206. Halt.

207. You dumb fuck!

208. Take us to Queens at once.

209. You sure you guys wanna go to Queens?

210. I mean, a couple rich fellas like you should be in Manhattan.

211. Stay at the Waldorf or the Palace.

212. The Palace sounds good. Take us there.

213. No, I want Queens. And we're not rich.

214. We're ordinary African students.

215. Whatever you say, pal.

216. What part of Queens you want?

217. Take us to the most common part.

218. That's easy.

219. If there's one thing Queens has got a lot of, it's common parts.

220. What does "dumb fuck" mean?

221. This shitty enough for you?

222. Yes, this is perfect.

223. Fascinating.

224. Semmi, look at this.

225. America is great indeed.

226. Imagine a country so free one can throw glass on the streets.

227. You must be out of your goddamn mind!

228. - You crazy, man. You're crazy! - I am not crazy.

229. Listen. Real Americans.

230. Pound for pound,

231. Sugar Ray Robinson, the greatest fighter ever lived.

232. Oh, come on, man. What about Joe Louis?

233. The Brown Bomber.

234. Now, that was a great boxer.

235. You damn right.

236. I suppose nobody in here ever heard of Cassius Clay.

237. He got a point. Cassius Clay was a bad motherfucker.

238. Hey, I ain't saying Clay ain't bad.

239. I'm just saying I stopped liking Cassius Clay

240. once he changed his name to Muhammad Ali.

241. What kind of shit is that?

242. Wait a second. Wait a second!

243. A man has a right to change his name to whatever he wants to change it to.

244. And if a man wants to be called Muhammad Ali,

245. God damn it, this is a free country.

246. You should respect his wishes and call the man Muhammad Ali.

247. His mama named him Clay. I'm gonna call him Clay.

248. - That's right. - I say Clay.

249. Get out of here.

250. That's right, that's right. He gonna always be Clay to me.

251. I don't give a fuck what he change his name to.

252. He is Clay. He Clay to me. I say Clay.

253. Well, then, you're a putz. The three of you. Three putzes.

254. You should change the name outside

255. from My-T-Sharp to The Three Putzes.

256. I went to see him fight.

257. Everybody was screaming, "Ali, Ali, Ali. "

258. I just stood up and said, "Clay, Clay, Clay. "

259. - Okay, now, what the fuck do you want? - We desire a room.

260. Look, you better not be wasting my time. You got money?

261. Come on in, gentlemen.

262. Yo, man, get the big bag. Get it!

263. Excuse me if I was brusque,

264. but sometimes we get boo-boos in here without a dollar to their name.

265. But obviously you gentlemen came in on another boat.

266. We seek meagre accommodations.

267. Excuse me?

268. We require a room that is very poor.

269. Hey, Stu! Your rent's due, motherfucker!

270. And don't be pulling that falling-down-the-stairs shit on me,

271. you hear? Hey, you're conscious. Shit.

272. Every month, the same damn thing. I tell you the truth.

273. All right. Here we are.

274. There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you gonna have to share it.

275. Got a little bit of an insect problem,

276. but you boys from Africa are used to that.

277. And another thing, don't use the elevator.

278. It's a death trap.

279. Now, this is the place that I was telling you about.

280. It's real fucked up.

281. Got just one window, facing a brick wall.

282. Used to rent it to a blind man.

283. Damn shame, what they did to that dog.

284. We will take the room.

285. Yes.

286. Behold, Semmi. Life. Real life.

287. A thing that we have been denied for far too long.

288. Good morning, my neighbours!

289. Hey, fuck you.

290. Yes! Yes! Fuck you, too!

291. I'm beginning to suspect that these are the people

292. that have stolen our luggage.

293. Yo, you want to buy some toothbrushes, man?

294. This is some real fly personal hygiene equipment I got here, man.

295. And I got a hell of a hairdryer over here, too. Check it out.

296. Thief!

297. Stop! Thief! Come back! Thief!

298. - Semmi, Semmi, let him go. - But those things belong to us.

299. We're well rid of those material things.

300. Let them wear our princely robes.

301. We're in New York now. Let us dress as New Yorkers.

302. - I feel like a complete idiot. - Oh, do not be ridiculous.

303. You know, you can be all the things

304. you've always wanted to be.

305. Beautiful, sexy.

306. Easy as one, two, three.

307. Just let your soul glow

308. Just let it shine through

309. Just let your soul glow, baby

310. Feeling oh, so silky-smooth

311. Just let it shine through, yeah

312. Just let your soul glow

313. Soul Glo.

314. Perhaps I should cut off my prince's lock.

315. - No. - Yes.

316. You must be out of your goddamn mind!

317. Joe Louis, the greatest boxer ever lived.

318. I'll be with you boys in a minute.

319. He was badder than Cassius Clay.

320. He badder than Sugar Ray. He badder than...

321. Now, who that? You. The new boy in here.

322. - Fine, Mike Tyson. - Mike Tyson? Look like a bulldog.

323. He badder than him, too. He could whip Mike Tyson's ass.

324. He whip all their asses.

325. What about Rocky Marciano?

326. Oh, there they go! There they go!

327. Every time I start talking about boxing,

328. a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass.

329. That's they one. That's they one.

330. "Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. "

331. Let me tell you something once and for all.

332. Rocky Marciano was good.

333. But compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!

334. He beat Joe Louis' ass.

335. That's right. He did whup Joe Louis' ass.

336. Joe Louis was 75 years old when they fought!

337. I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whupped.

338. Joe Louis had come out of retirement to fight Rocky Marciano.

339. The man was 76 years old.

340. Joe Louis always lied about his age. He lied about his age all the time.

341. One time Frank Sinatra come inside here

342. and sat down in this chair.

343. And I said, "Frank, you hang out with Joe Louis.

344. "Just between me and you, how old is Joe Louis?"

345. You know what Frank told me? He said, "Hey, Joe Louis 137 years old. "

346. 137 years old!

347. Oh, man, you ain't never meet no Frank Sinatra.

348. Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck you!

349. Who's next?

350. God damn, boy, what's that? Some kind of weave or something?

351. Oh, it is my natural hair. I have been growing it since birth.

352. Well, shit. What kind of chemical you got in there?

353. I have put no chemicals, only juices and berries.

354. Shit. That ain't nothing but Ultra Perm. Tell me how you want me to cut this.

355. Just make it nice and neat.

356. That'll be $8.

357. Tell me, Semmi. Honestly, how do I look?

358. I think it is time to find your queen.

359. Yes. Yeah, man.

360. I've got a secret.

361. I worship the devil.

362. See, that's the problem.

363. I can't find a man that can satisfy me.

364. Now, some guys go an hour, hour and a half. That's it.

365. A man's got to put in overtime for me to get off.

366. I'm not interested in a man unless he drives a BMW.

367. Yeah, well, you know, baby, I'm almost single.

368. My husband's on death row.

369. This is the first date Theresa and I have been on

370. since the doctor separated us.

371. I'm into the group thing.

372. I was Joan of Arc in my former life.

373. My name is Peaches and I'm the best

374. All the DJs want to feel my breasts

375. Yeah, I wanna work in videos,

376. but really, I wanna be my own star in the videos,

377. because I wanna become a pop singer and a rock singer

378. and write my own songs, produce my own songs.

379. And then I'm gonna try an actress, 'cause people tell me how talented I am,

380. I'm a natural and stuff like that.

381. So then I'm going to write my own stories and direct my own stories,

382. and, you know, and produce the movies I'm doing.

383. I hope you don't mind me coming over and sitting down,

384. but I've been watching you all evening and I want to tear you apart.

385. And your friend, too.

386. Is it my imagination,

387. or does every woman in New York have a severe emotional problem?

388. I doubt we will ever find your queen.

389. Mr Clarence.

390. Hey! The boys from Africa. How y'all doing this evening?

391. Sir, where can one go to find nice women here?

392. Oh, you got to get out and look. They ain't gonna just fall in your lap.

393. We have been to every bar in Queens.

394. Well, that's where you messed up, son.

395. You can't go to no bar to find a nice woman.

396. You got to go to a nice place, a quiet place, like a library.

397. There's good women in there. And at church is good girls.

398. Or this place here where I'm going tonight,

399. the Black Awareness rally.

400. There gonna be some fine women there.

401. Good, good, clean girls.

402. That's why I'm going. Shit.

403. You know, I didn't come here to preach to you today.

404. But, you know, when I look at these contestants

405. for the Miss Black Awareness pageant, I feel good!

406. I feel good 'cause I know there's a God somewhere.

407. There's a God somewhere.

408. Turn around, ladies, for me, please.

409. You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low.

410. Man cannot make it like this.

411. Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner,

412. they can take the picture, but they can't make it.

413. Only God above,

414. the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for you.

415. Apparently, these are the best women Queens has to offer.

416. - Pick one and let's go home. - You can call his name.

417. - Be patient, my friend. - Lord! Lord!

418. - Do you love him? - Yeah!

419. - Do you feel joy? - Yeah!

420. - Say, "Joy!" - Joy!

421. Joy.

422. - Joy! - Joy!

423. Can I get an "amen"?

424. - Amen! - Yes, Lord! Amen! Amen, brother.

425. Don't be ashamed to call his name.

426. Yes, Lord!

427. Only God can give that woman the kind of joy she has right there.

428. Amen!

429. Make a joyful noise unto the Lord!

430. Joy!

431. I am very happy to be here!

432. - Amen. - Amen!

433. - Amen! - Yes, sir.

434. Can I get an "amen"?

435. - Amen! - Yes!

436. I don't know what you come to do,

437. but I come to praise his name.

438. Lord, Lord.

439. Girls, you can leave now. Thank you very much.

440. There's a God somewhere.

441. I got a special treat for you this evening,

442. a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman

443. from the "What's Going Down" episode ofThat's My Mama.

444. I want you to put your hands together and welcome him to the stage.

445. Big round of applause

446. for Jackson Heights' own Mr Randy Watson! Yes!

447. Randy Watson.

448. That boy is good.

449. Good and terrible.

450. And Reverend Brown. Can we hear it for the Reverend?

451. This man's been my reverend since I was a little boy,

452. and I love him dearly.

453. You're a very special man. Reverend Brown.

454. Reverend Brown.

455. It feels so lovely to be here tonight. What a beautiful...

456. Give yourselves a round of applause. You're so lovely. Everyone's so lovely.

457. And while you're in the clapping mood,

458. I'd like you to give a big round of applause to my band,

459. Sexual Chocolate.

460. Sexual Chocolate.

461. They play so fine, don't you agree?

462. I believe the children are our future

463. Thank you.

464. Teach them well and let them lead the way

465. Show them all the beauty they possess inside

466. Give them a sense of pride

467. Make it easier

468. Some of the good stuff, right? Coming up.

469. Want a Coke?

470. Enjoying the show?

471. Enjoy, young man.

472. I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow

473. If I fail, if I succeed

474. You can't take away my dignity

475. Because the greatest love of all

476. is inside of me

477. Yeah, yeah, yeah

478. Sexy Chocolate!

479. Sexy Chocolate!

480. - God damn, that boy can sing. - You must be crazy.

481. - He good. - You must be crazy.

482. Put your hands together for Mr Randy Watson.

483. Yeah! One more time! Randy Watson! How about it?

484. Before we go any further, I'd like to thank Mr Cleo McDowell,

485. who's responsible for all the fine food and beverages

486. you've been consuming tonight.

487. Cleo, I know you proud of your lovely daughters. We are, too.

488. Please welcome one of the organisers of tonight's festivities,

489. Miss Lisa McDowell.

490. Lisa, come on up here, baby girl.

491. Try to work in a plug for the new salad bar.

492. Daddy, I'm not mentioning the restaurant.

493. Well, at least give them the address.

494. Girl, you look so good,

495. somebody ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.

496. Thank you.

497. You know, Black Awareness Week is an opportunity for self-expression.

498. - May we leave now? - No, wait.

499. Just moments ago, Randy attempted to express himself through song

500. in his own unique way.

501. But the song makes a good point.

502. The children are our future.

503. And that's why it's up to all of us to provide a place

504. where children can express themselves.

505. We need to rebuild Lincoln Park.

506. Now, ushers are passing through the aisles with donation baskets.

507. So, please, give all you can.

508. Now, we're happy to get the kind of money that jingles,

509. but we'd rather get the kind that folds.

510. It's donation! It's a donation!

511. I thought it was the trash! Don't be hitting on me.

512. - Put some money in there. - Stupid ass.

513. I'll whup your ass, Clarence. Don't call me names.

514. Oh, yeah, right, you tall black motherfucker.

515. There's women up inside here.

516. - I don't give a fuck about that. - Come on, man!

517. - Ain't nobody giving me nothing. - Come on, watch.

518. Thank you.

519. She is wonderful.

520. Akeem...

521. You can see Lisa and Mr McDowell at McDowell's Restaurant,

522. 8507 Queens Boulevard.

523. - 8507 Queens Boulevard. - Now, you heard the girl.

524. Come on, dig deep for that money that folds.

525. All right, fellas. Now, your first job every morning

526. will be to sweep this walkway.

527. Then I want you to wash all the windows. Real good, too.

528. And don't leave no streaks.

529. Hey! Hey!

530. What are you doing?

531. Get the hell out of here before I bust that camera!

532. Look, me and the McDonald's people, we got this little misunderstanding.

533. See, they're McDonald's.

534. I'm McDowell's.

535. They got the golden arches.

536. Mine is the golden arcs.

537. Now, see, they got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick.

538. We both got two all-beef patties,

539. special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions,

540. but they use a sesame seed bun.

541. My buns have no seeds.

542. I got it.

543. Now, you gotta mop the food prep area twice a day.

544. - You know how to mop? - Oh, yes. Of course.

545. All right.

546. There you go.

547. Don't use the bucket. It'll just confuse you.

548. Now, when you get through here, you take out the trash.

549. Yes.

550. Come with me. I got an easy job for you.

551. Hi.

552. Hello.

553. Hello.

554. Hi.

555. I am Akeem.

556. It's nice to meet you, Akeem.

557. I have recently been placed in charge of garbage.

558. Do you have any that requires disposal?

559. No, it's totally empty.

560. Well, when it fills up, don't be afraid to call me.

561. I'll come take it out most urgently.

562. That's good to know.

563. When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.

564. Well, I have to get back to my sanitation duties.

565. Maybe we'll have a chance again to talk on a professional level.

566. Goodbye, Akeem.

567. Just let your soul glow, baby

568. Feeling oh, so silky-smooth

569. Just let it shine through, yeah

570. Just let your soul glow

571. Soul Glo.

572. - Darryl! - Cleo.

573. Hey, hey, you're looking sharp, kid.

574. Hey, how about a Mick-Shake?

575. - I believe strawberry is your favourite. - Thanks. Straw.

576. Lisa's in the back. She's waiting for you.

577. Come on.

578. - So how's everything over at Soul Glo? - Fine.

579. You know, our home weave products are really taking off.

580. Good.

581. By the way, Dad isn't using the company tickets to the Jets game,

582. and I thought you might enjoy them.

583. Well, Darryl, that's very considerate of you.

584. Thank you.

585. Lisa, look who's here, honey.

586. Hi.

587. You two kids have a good time, you hear?

588. - Ready? - Sure.

589. Listen, I wanna ask you something.

590. The other day at the rally,

591. somebody stuffed a large amount of cash into one of the collection boxes.

592. You wouldn't happen to know who that was, would you?

593. - Well, I... - I thought it was you!

594. You know me. Anything for the kids.

595. - Hi, guys. - Hello.

596. Oh, before I forget, I got us four tickets to the St. John's game.

597. Maybe your sister will wanna bring somebody.

598. Great.

599. Hey, take care of this for me, will you?

600. Excuse me.

601. Hey, it's Kunta Kinte.

602. What can I do for you, boy?

603. Can you make my hair look like this?

604. Oh, man, what you wanna make your hair look like that for?

605. I like the way you wear your hair.

606. You wear it natural. That's good, man.

607. You know, I wish more of the young children of today

608. would wear their hair natural, like Dr. Martin Luther King did.

609. That's right. You ain't never seen Dr. Martin Luther King

610. with no messy Jheri curl on his head.

611. - Ain't that right? - Amen.

612. Dr. King ain't come walking around like that.

613. You know, Sweets, I met Dr. Martin Luther King once.

614. You lying. You ain't never met Dr. Martin Luther King.

615. Yes, I met Dr. Martin Luther King in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee.

616. I'm walking down the street, minding my own business,

617. just walking along, feeling good.

618. I walk around the corner,

619. man walk up, hit me on my chest, right?

620. I fall on the ground, right?

621. And I look up, it's Dr. Martin Luther King.

622. I said, "Dr. King?"

623. He said, "Oops. I thought you was somebody else. "

624. Oh, man, you lying.

625. You ain't never met Martin Luther the King.

626. Knocked the wind out of me, yes, he did.

627. - No, he didn't. - Yes, he did.

628. No, he did not!

629. Hey, boy, why you so worried about how you look, anyway?

630. Well, I am trying to gain the interest of a certain young lady.

631. I ain't never heard of no woman giving no man no loving

632. just 'cause his hair looked good.

633. That's right.

634. - Is this an American girl? - Yes.

635. You got to go through her papa.

636. See, that's a big misconception.

637. People don't know that about American women.

638. Ain't got nothing to do with your hair or your pocket.

639. You get in good with an American woman's father,

640. you in good with her. Ain't that right?

641. - He ain't lying. - That's right.

642. You get in good with the father, you home free.

643. Home free.

644. Like a bird.

645. Mr McDowell?

646. What is it?

647. Sir, I was wondering, did you happen to catch

648. the professional football contest on television last night?

649. No, I didn't.

650. Oh, it was most exhilarating.

651. The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay,

652. and in the end the Giants triumphed

653. by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big H.

654. It was a most ripping victory.

655. Son, I'm just gonna tell you this one time.

656. Yes, sir?

657. You want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.

658. Yes, sir.

659. I don't know how it is in Africa, but here, rich guys get all the chicks.

660. Yes, he must work very hard.

661. The Prince of Soul Glo work hard?

662. No way. He lives off his father's invention.

663. He could buy her anything he wants.

664. How you gonna compete with that?

665. I'll get it.

666. - Delivery for Miss Lisa McDowell. - I'll take it. I'm her sister.

667. Would you sign here, please?

668. What is it?

669. Something for you.

670. Do you mind if I open it?

671. Whoa!

672. - You think they're real? - They couldn't be.

673. "From an admirer, not Darryl. "

674. - Somebody's messing around. - I am not.

675. I don't care how much a man admires you,

676. he's not gonna give you earrings like that

677. unless you're giving him a little booty.

678. Not everybody thinks like you, Patrice.

679. Yes, they do. They just don't admit it.

680. Do you realise I have not had sex since we got to America?

681. Semmi, look. There she is.

682. - I am going to talk to her. - Good.

683. Tell her you sent her the $500,000 pair of earrings,

684. then she will fall into your arms

685. and we can leave this godforsaken place.

686. - Oh, no, I cannot do that. - Well, do something.

687. Do not worry. I have a plan.

688. What are you going to do, mop your way into her heart?

689. That is not fair.

690. What's not fair is me doing manual labour.

691. Oh.

692. I am badly in need of a manicure.

693. Oh, listen to you. "I am badly in need of a manicure. "

694. Are you going to say something?

695. - Hey, Akeem? - Yes?

696. This is my sister, Patrice.

697. - Hello, how are you? - Hi.

698. Akeem's from Africa.

699. - What you doing in New York? - I'm a student.

700. What school are you going to?

701. I go to the university.

702. Which one?

703. The University of the United States.

704. I never heard of that.

705. Well, it's a very small university. We do not even have a basketball team.

706. Really?

707. We got an extra ticket for the St. John's game tomorrow.

708. Wanna come?

709. - Yes. - Good.

710. You can double-date with me and Darryl.

711. Yeah!

712. Yes!

713. Yes, yes! In his face!

714. - In his face! - Yes! In the face!

715. Why don't you take off your jacket, Akeem?

716. Yes.

717. "Put it in the face," right?

718. I like this.

719. - Isn't that better? - Yes, thank you very much.

720. Wearing clothes must be a new experience for you.

721. Are you able to follow the game, Akeem?

722. Oh, yes. I am following the game quite well.

723. What kind of games do y'all play in Africa?

724. Chase the monkey?

725. No, we play football. I believe you call it... Soccer!

726. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Soccer.

727. Well, that's a real cute sport.

728. Especially the way y'all bounce that ball off your heads.

729. You know, personally, I don't like any sport

730. where you don't use your hands.

731. Yes! Yes!

732. What are you doing? It's just the halftime.

733. Yes, this is my favourite part of the game.

734. Will you excuse me for a moment, please?

735. Excuse me.

736. I'll be back in a minute.

737. Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness! It is you!

738. I cannot believe it!

739. - Greetings, Your Highness! Greetings! - Please, please, stop bowing. Please.

740. I am a loyal citizen of Zamunda.

741. Yes, but you are going to spill your beverages.

742. This is the greatest day of my life.

743. Yes, it was very nice meeting you, too.

744. - Yes. - Excuse me.

745. Please! Please! Please!

746. May I just have my picture taken with you?

747. I will cherish this experience for the rest of my life.

748. Thank you.

749. The rest of my life.

750. Who was that?

751. Just a man I met in the restroom.

752. - Sweetheart, why don't you quit this job? - Because I like it here.

753. Yeah, but you're my lady. My lady doesn't have to work.

754. I'll take care of you. I'll get you anything you want.

755. - What can I get you? - Nothing.

756. I'll get you some coffee.

757. - I'll be right back. - Okay.

758. Hey, Akeem. So, did you have a good time at the game?

759. Yes, I did. Thank you.

760. I hope Darryl didn't offend you. Sometimes he can be pretty obnoxious.

761. - Well, he cannot help it. - Sit down. Take a break for a minute.

762. Oh, thank you.

763. You know, you're a very unusual guy.

764. I've never seen anybody take so much pride in mopping a floor.

765. "He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk.

766. "One cannot fly into flying. "

767. That is not mine. That is Nietzsche's.

768. See, that's what I mean.

769. Most of the guys who work here don't go around quoting Nietzsche.

770. All right! Everybody shut up and do what I say. Get the money out.

771. Stay cool, nobody gets hurt. Take the money out! All of it!

772. Don't stall me, fat boy. Let's go!

773. Come on! You're wasting my time, now. Come on! Come on. Come on.

774. Come on!

775. Anybody move, I'll blow your fucking head off.

776. - What are you looking at, buddy? - Be cool.

777. Come on! Stop stalling!

778. Come on, don't stall me. All of it!

779. Come on. Come on!

780. Excuse me for a moment.

781. It would be wise for you to put the weapon down.

782. Who the fuck is this asshole?

783. Please refrain from using any further obscenities

784. - in the presence of these people. - What?

785. I've warned you. I'll be forced to thrash you.

786. Fuck you.

787. Freeze, you diseased rhinoceros pizzle.

788. Hey, fellas. I gotta tell you,

789. I'm real proud of the job you did in there today.

790. You know, we've been hit by that guy five times.

791. But I got a feeling he won't be coming back,

792. thanks to my African connection.

793. Say, leave Sunday night open.

794. I'm having a little get-together at my house.

795. You see? It is working. He has accepted us as equals.

796. Okay, fellas, just give them a ticket, take their keys,

797. park the cars down the street.

798. When you get finished, come inside and help out in the kitchen.

799. Akeem, I want you to come with me.

800. I want to show you the inside of McDowell's little castle.

801. Well, this here is my showplace. I think it pretty much speaks for itself.

802. You know something, Akeem? When I was growing up,

803. nine of us lived in a shack no bigger than this room.

804. And look what I have today.

805. I only wish Mrs. McDowell could have lived to see it.

806. - You have a fine house, sir. - Oh, well, thank you.

807. You know, in 20 or 30 years, with hard work,

808. maybe you could have a place like this for yourself.

809. - That would be something. - Wouldn't it?

810. Well, this is where you're going to be working tonight.

811. - Ever open a champagne bottle? - I have seen it done before.

812. Good. Make sure you keep all the glasses full.

813. I better get dressed for this party.

814. Look around. Make yourself comfortable till the guests arrive.

815. But, you see, I love the Lord. You understand what I'm saying?

816. I love the Lord, and if loving the Lord is wrong,

817. I don't wanna be right.

818. - Hi, Mike, Faith. - Hi.

819. Good to see you. Glad you could make it.

820. Enjoy. Drink up. Lots more where that came from.

821. Hey, Randy. How's everything, buddy? Good to see you. Watch out for this guy.

822. Big Ed, my man.

823. You know, I can appreciate the way you handled that dude with the gun.

824. I would have helped you out myself,

825. except, well, I had a cup of coffee in my hand.

826. You understand, right?

827. I bet you learned all that stuff fighting lions and tigers and shit, huh?

828. Yes. Yes, where I am from, we have to be very aggressive.

829. You know, I'm all for that, especially with women.

830. You know, they may not admit it, but they all want a man

831. to take charge,

832. tell them what to do.

833. Now, that's one of the things I wanted to talk to you...

834. Darryl, I must tell you,

835. your mother gets lovelier every time I see her.

836. Cleo, I'd like to talk to you alone for a minute.

837. Sure, Darryl. Excuse us.

838. - Mom, Dad, Grandma. - Sure, Son.

839. You know, actually, I like the fries better at McDonald's,

840. but I'd never tell Mr McDowell that.

841. Akeem, make sure everybody's glass is kept full.

842. We're about to make a very special announcement.

843. Yes, sir.

844. May I have everyone's attention, please?

845. Mr and Mrs Jenks, would you please join me?

846. And Mother Jenks, you come up here, too.

847. I've just heard some news that makes me a very happy man.

848. Semmi, please.

849. Champagne.

850. - Thank you. - Thank you.

851. Okay, go on. Get out of here. Go on.

852. Now, as you all know, Darryl and Lisa

853. have been going together for quite some time.

854. But I'm pleased to announce that just a few moments ago,

855. Darryl here popped the big question

856. and Lisa happily accepted.

857. So as it turns out, this has become an engagement party, huh?

858. Amen. Praise the Lord.

859. Married?

860. - To the bride and groom. - To the bride and groom.

861. To the bride and groom.

862. I want you and that young man to tie that knot.

863. I'm gonna pray for you.

864. And I want you to hold onto God's unchanging hand,

865. 'cause he helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho.

866. Yes, sir, he helped Daniel get out of the lion's den.

867. He helped Gilligan get off the island. Lord!

868. I want to talk to you, now.

869. The next time you and my father decide to get together to plan my life,

870. - I wish you'd let me in on it. - It's not like...

871. Don't touch me.

872. But, baby, it's our engagement party.

873. Thanks.

874. - Would you like some champagne? - No, thanks.

875. I really don't feel like celebrating.

876. Wait.

877. Sit down and keep me company.

878. If you're gonna hang out with me, you gotta loosen up, Akeem.

879. Oh, I can be loose.

880. - See? - Much better.

881. Are you all right?

882. I'm fine. I'm just not going to be pressured into marriage,

883. not by Darryl, my father or anybody.

884. I understand completely.

885. In my country, they arrange many marriages,

886. and I don't feel anyone should get married out of obligation.

887. You're right. I mean, how could I have even considered marrying

888. a guy like Darryl?

889. I wondered the same thing.

890. He just made me so furious back there.

891. You don't think I overreacted, do you?

892. The first reaction is usually the correct one.

893. You know, you're very easy to talk to. I feel like I could tell you anything.

894. Hey, Akeem. We need some more champagne over here.

895. I almost forgot that I was here in a domestic capacity.

896. Well, thanks for listening to me, Akeem. I really appreciate it.

897. Anytime, Lisa McDowell.

898. Hey, be careful.

899. I think my sister likes you.

900. Semmi.

901. Semmi.

902. Come, now, my friend. You're going to be late for work.

903. - So what if I am? - Semmi.

904. We cannot afford to anger Mr McDowell now,

905. especially since things are going so well with Lisa.

906. I do not care. I'm not going to work today.

907. Yes, you are going to work today.

908. I'm sick of living like a peasant. Look at this filth.

909. You want to live better? Fine. Fix this place up.

910. But you are going to work today.

911. Hello.

912. Hi. You know, I started on cleanup, just like you guys.

913. But now, see, I'm washing lettuce.

914. Soon I'll be on fries, then the grill.

915. A year or two, I make assistant manager.

916. And that's where the big bucks start rolling in.

917. Just two years?

918. Maybe I've stayed with him because everyone expected me to.

919. You know what I mean?

920. You must be tired of hearing about my problems with Darryl.

921. Oh, no, not at all.

922. You know, I feel like I owe you a favour.

923. Why don't you come to my house and I'll fix you dinner?

924. Patrice will be there.

925. - Let us go to my house. - Why?

926. - Well, I'd like to cook for you. - You? Cook?

927. I dabble a little, yes.

928. Great. Tell you what. I'll buy the groceries.

929. Fine, but I have to warn you,

930. my home is very poor.

931. I don't care about that. I'd love to see where you live.

932. Welcome to my humble abode.

933. This is 212...

934. Akeem!

935. What's wrong?

936. Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. Excuse me for a moment, please.

937. - What have you done? - You told me to fix up the place.

938. - I should kill you. - Why?

939. - I'm supposed to be a poor man. - Akeem? Akeem.

940. - Is everything all right? - Everything is fine.

941. Excuse me. I have to tidy up.

942. Hey, you smoke?

943. Take care of your lungs. They're only human.

944. What are you doing?

945. For God's sake, Akeem, do not take my pocket money.

946. If you have no more money, you can cause no more mischief.

947. You are being unreasonable.

948. If you have ruined my chances with Lisa, I will never forgive you.

949. - I am very sorry. - Can we go in now?

950. Oh, no, we cannot.

951. Why not?

952. There is a rat, a big rat, inside.

953. You know what I think? I think there is no rat.

954. I think you're just so ashamed of your apartment,

955. you can't even let me see it.

956. Once again, you have judged correctly.

957. If it bothers you that much, we can go out to eat.

958. That would be much better.

959. Excuse me for a moment, please.

960. What did you give him?

961. Oh, I just gave him some pocket change.

962. - Randolph! - Leave me alone, Mortimer.

963. Randolph! Randolph!

964. I'm still not talking to you.

965. Look.

966. Mortimer, we're back.

967. Yeah.

968. To America.

969. - Why'd you come here? - To find something special.

970. It's an awfully long way to travel.

971. Well, no journey is too great when one finds what he seeks.

972. - Does everyone in Africa talk like you? - Why? Do you not like it?

973. No, I love it.

974. It's nice to be with a man who knows how to express himself.

975. - Thank you. - Thank you very much.

976. Let's have lunch.

977. You have the most amazing effect on people.

978. No, I don't.

979. It's true. Look at that guy at the basketball game the other day.

980. People love you.

981. I bet where you're from,

982. women practically throw themselves at your feet.

983. Why do you say that?

984. Because you have a kind of inner glow,

985. like you're above anything petty.

986. It's almost regal.

987. So what'd you do back home?

988. Back home I was... I was in the family business back home.

989. What's that?

990. Goat herding.

991. - Yes, yes. - Really?

992. Yes. Does it surprise you?

993. No, it's just that you seem so educated.

994. Well, the life of a goat herder is not that demanding.

995. The goats pretty much take care of themselves,

996. which leaves a man with a great deal of time to read.

997. - Please, let me. - No, it is not right. I should pay.

998. Akeem, I wish you'd stop worrying about being poor.

999. If I wanted a wealthy guy, I'd be with Darryl,

1000. not you.

1001. Would you like to dance?

1002. Yes.

1003. What about Patrice?

1004. I am not interested in Patrice.

1005. What about Darryl?

1006. I am not interested in Darryl, either.

1007. You actually want to send this?

1008. Why? What is wrong?

1009. Read it to me.

1010. "To His Majesty King Jaffe Joffer, the Royal Palace, Zamunda.

1011. "Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds.

1012. "Kindly send 300,000 American dollars immediately,

1013. "as we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Semi. "

1014. - Semmi. - Semmi.

1015. Should I make it $400,000?

1016. You think that'd be enough?

1017. You are right. $500,000.

1018. As long as you're asking, why don't we go for a cool million?

1019. You do not think that would be too much?

1020. No.

1021. Okay, what's going on?

1022. Patrice.

1023. I came to see Akeem. What are you two involved in?

1024. You can't afford all this stuff on your salary.

1025. Someone to kiss, someone to miss

1026. When you're away

1027. Through here, gone each day

1028. To be loved, to be loved

1029. Wow! What a feeling, to be loved

1030. Hey! Keep quiet down there! People are trying to sleep!

1031. Some wish to be a king or a queen Some wish for fortune and fame

1032. Shut up!

1033. But to be truly, truly, truly, truly loved

1034. Shut the fuck up!

1035. Is more than all of these things

1036. Whoa!

1037. Shut up!

1038. Someone who cares

1039. Hey, what do you think this is, Carnegie Hall?

1040. Someone to share lonely hours and moments of despair

1041. Shut up!

1042. To be loved, to be loved

1043. Will you shut the fuck up?

1044. Wow! What a feeling, to be...

1045. Semmi, I just had the most wonderful...

1046. Oh, hi, Akeem. Semmi told me everything.

1047. Sorry things didn't work out between you and me,

1048. but you understand.

1049. Good night, sweet prince.

1050. Remember, you must not tell a soul.

1051. Your secret is safe with me, Your Highness.

1052. Bye.

1053. If you're the Prince, then who am I?

1054. My servant?

1055. Boy, they smell good.

1056. That Darryl must be spending a fortune on flowers, huh?

1057. Stay out of this, Dad.

1058. - Where you going? - To a museum with Akeem.

1059. No, I don't like that. I don't like that one bit.

1060. What's wrong with Akeem?

1061. Lisa, you told me yourself. He's a goat herder.

1062. Why don't you marry Darryl? He dresses real nice,

1063. - treats you real good. - You only like Darryl because he's rich.

1064. Lisa, I just don't want you to have to struggle

1065. the way your mother and I did.

1066. I know.

1067. - Bye, Daddy. - Yeah. Bye.

1068. Come in.

1069. - Hey, you boys wanted to see me? - Yes, Mr Townsend.

1070. We would like to change apartments.

1071. God damn. Now, what the hell have you boys done in here?

1072. My friend Semmi has altered the apartment,

1073. and we would like to exchange it for another.

1074. This stuff ain't hot, is it?

1075. Oh, of course not, sir.

1076. It's just that I'm going to bring a young lady up,

1077. and I cannot let her see me living like this.

1078. I tell you what. I'm gonna let you boys stay in my apartment,

1079. and I'll move up here.

1080. Does your apartment look poor?

1081. Yeah, it's a real shithole. You'll love it.

1082. Here are the keys.

1083. It's apartment 1A. Downstairs, first floor.

1084. Thank you. You are too kind. Semmi, move our things.

1085. I have a date with Lisa. Isn't that wonderful?

1086. Who in the hell is that?

1087. Hey, what's up, brother?

1088. You're a little late for the Christmas pageant.

1089. I am King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda.

1090. Yeah, well, have a seat.

1091. Chair number two will be ready in a second.

1092. This is beautiful. What is that? Velvet?

1093. - I have come for my son, Akeem. - Come for who?

1094. You know, Kunta, from up... Kunta.

1095. Oh, yeah. The boy upstairs.

1096. Oh, yeah, yeah, him. He around here someplace.

1097. He live upstairs on the fifth floor.

1098. Hey! Hey, who gonna clean up all these flowers?

1099. You may enter.

1100. - You are not Akeem. - I know that.

1101. - What is this? - A photograph.

1102. What is this McDowell's?

1103. It's a place over on Queens Boulevard. I think he works there.

1104. My son works?

1105. Where is he now?

1106. I don't know. He moved downstairs. Apartment 1A.

1107. Your Majesty! What are you doing here?

1108. I received your telegram. Where is Akeem?

1109. He went out. So, how was your flight? Comfortable, I trust?

1110. Your only job was to look after Akeem.

1111. How could you let him come to such a pass?

1112. Akeem will not listen to me. He's gone quite mad, Your Majesty.

1113. Semmi, you have disgraced yourself and you must be punished.

1114. You will confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.

1115. And see that he puts on some decent attire.

1116. And I want you to bathe him thoroughly.

1117. Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.

1118. Oh, look, Zamunda. That's where you're from, isn't it?

1119. Yes.

1120. - What's it like? - Oh, you would love it there.

1121. It's the most beautiful place on earth. The people are very friendly.

1122. And you... You, they would treat like a queen.

1123. Akeem!

1124. People are gonna see us.

1125. - Then let them see. Lisa, let us go. - Now?

1126. Yes. Right now.

1127. Yeah, well, look, Darryl,

1128. why don't you come by the house tonight?

1129. Yeah, about 9:00. Lisa will be home by then.

1130. Hey, look, don't worry about it, buddy. We'll work something out.

1131. Okay, see you later.

1132. - Mr McDowell? - Yeah.

1133. There's some people here to see you.

1134. - They're not from McDonald's, are they? - I don't think so.

1135. What can I do for you?

1136. Oha?

1137. This is King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda.

1138. He is searching for his son, Akeem.

1139. - Your son? - Yes, my son, the Prince.

1140. A prince? Are you serious?

1141. Prince Akeem is the sole heir to the throne of Zamunda.

1142. I always knew there was something special about that boy.

1143. - Can you tell us where he might be? - Oh, yes.

1144. He's out with my lovely daughter, Lisa.

1145. I am staying at the Waldorf-Astoria. When you see him, call me.

1146. - I'll tell him you're here. - No.

1147. Do not alert him to my presence. I shall deal with him myself.

1148. For your trouble.

1149. Oh, well, thank you, Your Royalness.

1150. A prince!

1151. - Wait. - What?

1152. - We cannot go in. - Why not?

1153. Wait in the car. I will be right back.

1154. - We must leave. - I don't care about the apartment.

1155. It's not that. It's just that I feel like I'm rushing you.

1156. No, you're not.

1157. - It's better if we take our time. - But I want to.

1158. It's better if I take you home.

1159. Well, look who's here. Akeem, it's good to see you.

1160. It is good to see you, too, sir.

1161. Come on inside. Have a little drink.

1162. Well, I have to get going, Mr McDowell.

1163. Oh, no, now, you got time for one drink. Have a seat.

1164. Get out of there, dog.

1165. You know, you and I, we don't spend enough time talking.

1166. Well, perhaps some other time, sir. I really have to get going.

1167. Oh, no. Sit down. I'll be right back with that drink.

1168. Yeah, King Jaffe Joffer's room, please.

1169. Yeah, hello, King?

1170. Yeah, Cleo McDowell here.

1171. Yeah, King, both the kids are here together.

1172. Right, 2432 Derby Avenue, Jamaica Estates.

1173. Right. Now, King, I was wondering if...

1174. Hello, King?

1175. I really have to go, sir.

1176. Oh, no, no. Have a seat right here. Look, did you want ice in that?

1177. Excuse me. I'll be right back.

1178. - Well, who was that? - Jehovah's Witness.

1179. Excuse me.

1180. Look, the girl doesn't like you any more.

1181. Can't you get that through your greasy head?

1182. But you told me to come over and...

1183. Now, where were we?

1184. I warned you, didn't I? Dottie, get him.

1185. Sir, I really appreciate your hospitality, but I have to get going.

1186. Oh, no. You can stay a little while longer.

1187. I just put some delicious hors d'oeuvres in the oven, son.

1188. Let me go see if they're ready.

1189. - Lisa, I must leave. - Is something wrong, Akeem?

1190. I promise I will tell you when the time is right,

1191. but now I must go. Tell your father goodbye for me.

1192. Where's Akeem?

1193. - He said he had to leave. - Well, he can't leave.

1194. What is going on?

1195. And why are you being so nice to Akeem all of a sudden?

1196. I like the boy.

1197. What are you up to?

1198. What? Nothing.

1199. Hey, a man's got a right to change his mind, doesn't he?

1200. Daddy?

1201. You know, you two make a beautiful couple, Lisa.

1202. Daddy?

1203. He's a real fine young man.

1204. Dad!

1205. Okay, Lisa. He's rich. He is rich!

1206. - What? - He's got his own money.

1207. And, baby, when I tell you he's got his own money,

1208. I mean the boy has got his own money!

1209. A prince. He's a prince!

1210. Oh, Lisa, you did it this time. You hit the jackpot!

1211. Your little goat herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case.

1212. I will get out here.

1213. That'll be nine bucks.

1214. Semmi.

1215. Good news, Akeem. We've been rescued.

1216. Where are my parents?

1217. They've gone to the McDowells' house to look for you.

1218. - Come with me. - Where are we going?

1219. Back to Queens.

1220. Well, look who's here. Come in. Come in.

1221. Welcome to casa de McDowell. Just come right in.

1222. Where is Akeem?

1223. He just stepped out. Probably went for a pizza.

1224. You know these youngsters.

1225. Well, this must be your lovely wife. How are you today?

1226. Oh, very well, thank you.

1227. I don't know whether to shake your hand or kiss it or bow or what.

1228. I feel like break-dancing.

1229. Come in. Have a seat. Take a load off.

1230. Come on. Your son ought to be back any minute.

1231. Yeah, sit down. Here, try the La-Z-Boy. It's real comfortable.

1232. - It is very nice. - Yeah, put your feet up.

1233. Here you go, King. Try one of these little pigs in a blanket.

1234. Now, they're the frozen kind, but you'd never know it.

1235. You told me my son was here.

1236. You know, my daughter Lisa might know where he went.

1237. Akeem and Lisa have gotten quite close.

1238. Where is your daughter? I must speak to her at once.

1239. Lisa? There's someone here to see you, sweetheart.

1240. This is Akeem's father, the King.

1241. Leave us.

1242. - I understand you are seeing my son. - I was seeing him.

1243. Then he must have told you about his wife in Zamunda.

1244. - He's married? - No, but he will be soon.

1245. We've already chosen his bride.

1246. So, you see, he could not be at all serious about you.

1247. Akeem came to America to sow his royal oats.

1248. Excuse me. I need to be alone for a moment.

1249. Are you comfortable, Miss... I'm not sure what to call you.

1250. My name's Cleo.

1251. It is very nice to meet you, Cleo. My name is Aoleon.

1252. Aoleon. Alien.

1253. Lisa, where you going? I want you to meet the Queen.

1254. - Are you all right, my dear? - I'm sorry.

1255. I have to get out of here.

1256. What's the matter, baby?

1257. - Hey, what'd you say to my daughter? - I told her the truth,

1258. that Akeem could not be interested in her.

1259. How can you be so sure?

1260. Oh, come, now. Our son cannot consort with such a girl.

1261. Hey, now, wait a minute.

1262. Oha?

1263. I know you have been inconvenienced, and I am prepared to compensate you.

1264. Shall we say one million American dollars?

1265. - No way. - Very well, then. $2 million.

1266. You haven't got enough money to buy my daughter off.

1267. - Nonsense. - Jaffe, apologise to Mr McDowell.

1268. I will do no such thing.

1269. The man is beneath me, and so is his daughter.

1270. Now, I don't give a damn who you are.

1271. This is America, Jack.

1272. Now, you say one more word about Lisa here,

1273. and I'm gonna break my foot off in your royal ass.

1274. - Pardon me? - What's everybody yelling about?

1275. Their son, the Prince, is in love with your sister,

1276. but the King here, he can't handle it.

1277. No, he's not. The Prince is in love with me.

1278. - Are you all right? - Yes, Mother, I am fine.

1279. Why are you hugging him? He's just the servant.

1280. He's the Prince.

1281. Who told you that?

1282. - You mean Akeem's the Prince? - Yeah, and he's in love with Lisa.

1283. How come she always gets the good ones?

1284. - Where is Lisa? - Your daddy here just ran her off.

1285. - What did you tell her? - It is of no consequence.

1286. - We shall return to Zamunda at once. - I will not leave without Lisa.

1287. So you do care for her?

1288. Mother, I love her.

1289. Then go after her.

1290. Akeem! Akeem, I forbid you.

1291. Put a sock in it, Jaffe. The boy is in love.

1292. Darryl, what happened?

1293. Lisa dumped me.

1294. Oh, I know. You poor thing.

1295. The first thing we have to do is get you out of these wet clothes.

1296. Stop. Lisa! Lisa!

1297. I will be fine by myself.

1298. Lisa, please.

1299. I did not mean to hurt you.

1300. Well, at least I know who gave me these.

1301. Well, you can keep them, 'cause I don't want them

1302. and I don't want you.

1303. Lisa.

1304. - Lisa. - Look, just leave me alone.

1305. Lisa, please. I love you.

1306. What about the woman you're supposed to marry?

1307. I do not love her. Why do you think I came to America?

1308. Oh, your father told me. To sow your royal oats.

1309. Oh, no. I came to America to find my bride.

1310. I came to Queens to find you.

1311. So why did you lie to me, then?

1312. Why didn't you just tell me you were a prince?

1313. Because I wanted you to love me for who I am.

1314. I'm not sure who you are.

1315. I'm the man you fell in love with. Should it matter that I'm a prince?

1316. It shouldn't, but I...

1317. Just tell me you didn't love me when you thought I was a goat herder,

1318. and I will never bother you again.

1319. It just wouldn't work out. We're too different.

1320. You're royalty, for God's sake.

1321. You want me to renounce my throne? I will.

1322. From this moment on, I renounce my throne.

1323. I am no longer the Prince of Zamunda. I renounce my throne.

1324. Does this make you happy?

1325. I can't let you do that.

1326. I do not care about my crown. All I care about is you.

1327. Marry me, Lisa.

1328. - So, what do you think? - Go on, honey. Take a chance.

1329. Look, I'm sorry, I can't. Goodbye, Akeem.

1330. If you're really a prince, I'll marry you.

1331. Look at it this way.

1332. At least we learned how to make French fries.

1333. You're still not speaking to me.

1334. - I only want our son to be happy. - And so do I.

1335. Aoleon, please. It is out of our hands. The girl told him no.

1336. Well, after the way you treated her, who could blame her?

1337. Even if she said yes, they still could not marry.

1338. It is against the tradition.

1339. Well, it is a stupid tradition.

1340. Who am I to change it?

1341. I thought you were the King.

1342. Your Highness, we have not come to that part yet.

1343. Your Highness. Your Highness!

1344. Would you really have given up all of this just for me?

1345. Of course. If you like, we can give it all up now.

1346. No.

1347. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait. Stop right there. Listen.

1348. Stop right there a minute.

1349. Man goes into a restaurant. You listening?

1350. A man goes into a restaurant.

1351. He sits down. He's having a bowl of soup.

1352. He says to the waiter, "Waiter, come taste the soup. "

1353. Waiter says, "Is there something wrong with the soup?"

1354. He says, "Taste the soup. "

1355. He says, "Is there something wrong with the soup?

1356. "Is the soup too hot?" He says, "Will you taste the soup?"

1357. "What's wrong? Is the soup too cold?" "Will you just taste the soup?"

1358. "All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"

1359. What do you know from funny, you bastard?