Colossal Youth (2006)

1. I was a young girl.

2. I used to swim like a fish.

3. My shoulders were wider than any boy's in San Felipe.

4. I'd go swimming on the slightest whim.

5. None of the boys had the nerve to follow me.

6. They'd shout from the beach,

7. "Sharks, Clotilde! Come back before they eat you!"

8. Then, they'd sing:

9. "Come back, my love Back into my arms"

10. No shark ever got near me.

11. Sometimes, I'd take my oldest boy.

12. I'd leave him sitting on the rocks, and go in for a swim.

13. I never wanted to come back.

14. But I always did.

15. Poor Jójó, he'd cried so hard

16. he'd almost fall off the rocks, holding his arms out to me.

17. I'd swim back close to the beach and float there

18. and watch him cry.

19. Sometimes, he seemed like he'd burst crying.

20. But he never did.

21. I'd sit with him until the sun went down.

22. I knew the boys were watching me from above.

23. But they'd give up, and stop singing.

24. aka COLOSSAL YOUTH

25. Bete!

26. Your mother's gone.

27. She doesn't love me anymore.

28. She won't spend the rest of her life with me.

29. She doesn't want the new house.

30. I've been having this nightmare for more than 30 years.

31. It started in the sheds of the Social Housing Institute

32. on the Amadeu GaudÃ©ncio construction site.

33. The anxiety tormented me night after night.

34. Venture, you got the wrong door.

35. No, I don't.

36. I used to get it wrong all the time.

37. I'd come back drunk from work and collapse into a strange bed.

38. I'd walk into Totinha's house, Nina's house, Maria's house

39. and I'd fall in a heap. Even snore.

40. They'd take me home at dawn.

41. All doors looked the same back then.

42. You got the wrong door and the wrong daughter.

43. When your mother had a child, she'd pray it wouldn't be a drunk.

44. She doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't love anyone.

45. She doesn't love her children.

46. - How's it going? - Good.

47. - See you, Xana. - See you, Ventura.

48. - Not hungry? - No.

49. I didn't have supper last night.

50. Your mother left me.

51. She stabbed me with a knife.

52. The blood's already dry.

53. The woman wrecked the house. The bed, the wardrobe...

54. She destroyed everything.

55. She took the new suitcase,

56. all my embroidered shirts and my jackets...

57. She just left a few things.

58. Really?

59. In the bathtub, I think.

60. She wrecked thousands in furniture.

61. What woman?

62. She had Clotilde's face, but it wasn't her.

63. I don't know if it was Clotilde or another woman I slept with.

64. - Eat. - Sure.

65. Vanda!

66. Where do you live?

67. What do you want, Ventura?

68. - They gave you a basement flat? - Yeah. What do you want?

69. A beer.

70. - You got money? - Sure.

71. Your mother didn't come home?

72. Look, it's stealing its food.

73. She didn't sleep here last night?

74. Look at the little monkey.

75. She took the suitcase and left.

76. Ventura, my mother's buried at Amadora Cemetery.

77. I looked for her all over.

78. What can I do about it?

79. I also want lots of things I don't have...

80. Reducing the methadone.

81. No more pain. No more suffering.

82. I want to be at peace.

83. I want my daughter with me, but I don't have her.

84. I want unemployment benefits but I don't get them.

85. - You still get nothing? - Nope.

86. I haven't had a thing in 15 months.

87. I'd like some cash so I can eat shrimp.

88. You still have something. Not much, but you do.

89. I want to have some luck but I have none!

90. If my mother was still alive, I wouldn't be like this.

91. That's for sure.

92. Shit! Why'd I wipe my eyes with those Dodots?

93. Good for me!

94. - Dodots? - Yep.

95. I wiped my eyes with them.

96. Look at that snake! Christ!

97. Anaconda.

98. Look at that.

99. It swallowed it whole.

100. Dodots?

101. Look at the size of it, Papa!

102. 40 feet.

103. He got it!

104. Look, a crocodile.

105. Dodots?

106. Yeah, Dodots.

107. No more Mr Crocodile!

108. Dead as a doornail.

109. Did you see the size of its jaws?

110. What are Dodots?

111. They're towelettes for wiping babies' bottoms.

112. Look.

113. You've never seen Dodots?

114. - Nappies? - Yeah.

115. Look at that crocodile and those huge jaws!

116. See you, daughter.

117. See you, Papa.

118. You're gonna eat this one. Three points.

119. This one too.

120. Seven.

121. Nine.

122. Twenty.

123. I need you to write for me to my wife.

124. - To send her money? - To tell her I miss her.

125. It's Arcângela's birthday on 4th December, and mine on the 5th.

126. A sort of love letter.

127. Nha cretcheu, my love,

128. being together again will brighten our lives for at least 30 years.

129. I'll come back to you strong and loving.

130. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

131. a dozen fancy dresses,

132. a car,

133. that little lava house you always dreamed of,

134. a threepenny bouquet.

135. But most of all,

136. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

137. Here, it's nothing but work.

138. There are over a hundred of us now.

139. 77 points.

140. 43.

141. And after that?

142. - Take a pen. - There are no pens in the shack.

143. There are no pens in the shack?

144. That's sad.

145. Lento?

146. You asleep, Lento?

147. Listen good.

148. Being together again will brighten our lives for at least 30 years.

149. I'll come back to you strong and loving.

150. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

151. a dozen fancy dresses,

152. a car,

153. that little lava house you always dreamed of,

154. a threepenny bouquet.

155. But most of all,

156. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

157. Here, it's nothing but work. There are over a hundred of us now.

158. That's a beautiful letter.

159. Yeah, a beautiful letter, Lento. Learn it by heart.

160. Good night, Lento.

161. Good night, Ventura.

162. I bought chicken.

163. Mr Ventura?

164. That's me alright. Labourer, retired.

165. AndrÃ© Semedo, locksmith, transferred to the administration.

166. - North or south islands? - Totally south!

167. Chan do Monte, Aguas Padres, Santa Catarina.

168. Principal, ChÃ£ da Horta, Tarrafal.

169. Your wife's not coming?

170. 3pm, 1 November, 2001.

171. Fourth floor, right. The flat is full of light.

172. My head's spinning. I'm aching all over.

173. I can't open it.

174. Temple, shack, household god.

175. How lucky to be protected by the household gods.

176. It's too small.

177. - I want bedrooms for my children. - Bring me their papers.

178. There's no mention of children in your file.

179. - I want bedrooms. - How many?

180. A bunch of rooms.

181. Everyone asks for rooms.

182. I need them more than others.

183. When I had my daughter, I had pains for over three days.

184. Pains?

185. In my back. All over.

186. I said to my husband,

187. "I can't stand it. But I'm not due yet."

188. "Careful, darling! Don't give birth here.

189. "If you're feeling bad, we'll go to the hospital."

190. I suffered three days.

191. I didn't want to go. I was scared.

192. It was a Saturday.

193. I had my daughter on a Saturday.

194. I went...

195. The nurse held me back -

196. "You're not going anywhere."

197. I said, "Excuse me?

198. "But I've got to go home, miss.

199. "Why can't I?"

200. "Because the baby's head has already appeared."

201. "But I'm all alone here!

202. "I have to get my husband. I don't know his phone number."

203. And she said, "You're not leaving here.

204. "Give me your address. I'll send someone."

205. And I was in such pain! Christ!

206. Waves of pain every ten minutes.

207. So I said, "Ow! It hurts so bad!"

208. The pains were coming twice as fast.

209. "Listen, it's getting worse."

210. "You're having your baby and you...

211. "Come with me."

212. So I went.

213. They put me in the delivery room

214. and put this thing on my belly.

215. I had the same belly I have now.

216. I didn't even have a belly.

217. It was the same as it is now.

218. They put this CTG on me.

219. It's a kind of belt.

220. And I went, "Oh! Get this crap off me! It hurts!"

221. "We can't, ma?â€œ

222. "It's to hear the baby's heart!"

223. "Take it off!" I said! "Or else, I will!"

224. "But, ma'am, you can't take it off."

225. When I realised I was stuck, I said,

226. "My husband's outside. Go and get him."

227. "You were alone and now your husband's here?"

228. "He's just outside. Go get him.

229. - "What's your husband's name?" - "Paulo Jorge."

230. He came in - "What is it, darling?"

231. "I can't stand it here. It hurts too much.

232. "Help me, darling. It hurts!"

233. Then an Indian came in.

234. Plus my husband and five others. Seven in all.

235. The Indian got on top of me,

236. because when I pushed, my daughter moved up here.

237. It was hard. She was like a little mouse.

238. Otherwise, she'd have come out quicker.

239. But the small ones all come up this way.

240. And the doctor said,

241. "We have to do something. She can't take anymore."

242. And all those guys on top of me, with their knees and hands.

243. They went like this, they pushed and pushed...

244. until the child came out... Whoosh!

245. Once she was out, I didn't even see her face,

246. or if it was a boy or a girl.

247. I never saw her again.

248. They said, "You're not going anywhere. You're sick."

249. "I'm not fucking sick!

250. "Get the hell out of here, you little whores!"

251. And my husband says, "Insulting the ladies now?

252. "Shut up. You're staying here."

253. And me, all stitched up as I was, I couldn't even walk.

254. Otherwise, I'd have run.

255. I wouldn't have hesitated.

256. They put me in a room.

257. First, on a gurney,

258. next to another girl who'd just delivered.

259. She was young, too.

260. We didn't have pillows. We had to lie flat.

261. So the blood could circulate.

262. Sol raised myself up like this and said,

263. "I'm starving." And she said, "You can't eat."

264. "Miss, give me something. I'm starving!"

265. The girl next to me said, "You can't eat anything.

266. "Lie back down so the blood doesn't go to your head."

267. "Well then, let it go to my head!"

268. I felt nauseous.

269. And I couldn't walk because of the stitches.

270. When Hooked up...

271. An hour later, they came for the gurney

272. and took me God knows where.

273. I crossed the whole Amadora Hospital on a gurney.

274. The doctor pushed me.

275. We took an elevator.

276. Then we took another one and ended up on the sixth floor.

277. All alone in a room!

278. All alone.

279. I swear by my mother's soul, by my daughter's health!

280. By my mother's soul!

281. I was left alone in a room.

282. And I cried every day.

283. My God! All I had was a TV.

284. I never saw the doctor's face, just his eyes.

285. They all wore masks.

286. I asked them, "Why are you wearing those?

287. "Am I that sick? What's the matter with me?"

288. "Nothing much. You just have a spot on your lung

289. "and we have to be careful.

290. "For your health and for ours."

291. Did I cry!

292. One day, I said to my husband,

293. "Get me out of here before I jump out the window.

294. "I'll kill myself.

295. "Like our neighbour did yesterday.

296. "I'll kill myself." My husband got scared.

297. He told them,

298. "Keep an eye on her. She'll kill herself with the oxygen."

299. I had one of those oxygen things, there on the wall.

300. If you open it, it's like gas.

301. Alone in a room, without doors or windows, nothing.

302. Locked in. I could have died.

303. "I'll open the bottle and they'll find me stiff.

304. "Get me out of here, honey. I feel better now.

305. "I want to leave, darling." And I cried...

306. Then, one day:

307. "So you won't let me out? Alright then!

308. "Where is my daughter?"

309. I asked the doctor, a Spanish lady.

310. She said, "She's in an incubator.

311. "You can't see her yet."

312. "I can't see my daughter? You bet I can!"

313. "No you can't."

314. I let her leave, and I put my mask on.

315. And I put on those paper slippers they have...

316. You know, those paper slippers...

317. I slipped them on.

318. When they found me, I was already with my daughter.

319. "Why can't I see her? I have to get to know her.

320. "You took her away. I hadn't even seen her face."

321. "You're out of your mind! You've no right to be here!"

322. "What do you mean?"

323. From then on, they came every day and took me

324. in a wheelchair.

325. Me in a wheelchair!

326. I went to see my baby girl.

327. But it was so painful.

328. She was in need, just like me.

329. She jerked up and down in that fucking incubator!

330. You know, those glass incubators.

331. She kept jerking up and down and hitting the glass.

332. That'll stay with me. I'll never forget that, ever.

333. Shit.

334. But, thank God, my girl's fine. It's a real miracle.

335. She just has trouble breathing. But it could've been worse.

336. May God help you both.

337. Raising them is hard, but it's worth it.

338. It's true.

339. Now they're the ones...

340. Yours are grown. Now they're the ones...

341. - They all help me! - You see! It's true.

342. My daughter helped me a lot.

343. Without her, I'd still be hooked, Papa!

344. That's hardly a life!

345. Believe me! Without my daughter and my husband,

346. I'd still be on drugs.

347. - You'd be dead, too. - I sure would.

348. I swear it.

349. My daughter gave me such courage.

350. God knows how much my husband helped me.

351. If I told you his life story, all he's done for me...

352. No man would do that. No man!

353. He didn't even know about the drugs.

354. I'd send him to buy them.

355. I'd say, "Go to such and such a place,

356. "and ask to speak to such a person." Shit.

357. That's why I love him so much.

358. He helped me so much. Maybe too much.

359. Are you off drugs, Zita - I mean - Vanda?

360. Absolutely, it's been almost two years.

361. If I hadn't stopped, I wouldn't be like this.

362. Papa, honestly! That's life.

363. You don't have to work so hard, son.

364. Today's 3 holiday.

365. In my time, we didn't work on holidays.

366. Some more rice?

367. That's enough.

368. How are things at home?

369. - Come for lunch Sunday? - Alright.

370. And your wife?

371. Your daughter?

372. She's grown. She's at day care now.

373. When you were small, I took you to school,

374. piggyback,

375. on my shoulders,

376. up that way, by the supermarket.

377. I'd come home exhausted.

378. My love,

379. being together again will brighten our lives for at least 30 years.

380. I'll come back to you strong and loving.

381. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

382. a dozen fancy dresses.

383. But most of all,

384. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

385. Here, it's nothing but work.

386. There are over a hundred of us now.

387. Still nothing from you.

388. Some other time.

389. Hurry up, ventured Let's go.

390. I'm waiting.

391. Every day, every minute,

392. I learn beautiful new words for you and me alone.

393. Still nothing from you.

394. Some other time.

395. 19 August, 1972.

396. I was on a big jet

397. with 400 immigrants, plus the young girls,

398. me and my cousin Augusto.

399. Once up in the sky, he started to cry.

400. They served us horse steak with Castelo Branco wine.

401. He didn't eat. late his portion.

402. At the airport, we met his uncle.

403. He took us to Salitre Street.

404. The next day, we started with ConstruÃ§Ã£o TÃ©cnica,

405. at the Borges Brothers Bank downtown.

406. I earned 1,800 escudos every two weeks.

407. At the shacks, a parrot sang,

408. "Nigger! Nigger! Your stinking face!"

409. I went to work for Amadeu GaudÃªncio.

410. They sent me here to the Gulbenkian.

411. I earned 7,500 escudos, plus overtime.

412. I made 16,000 plus the Christmas bonus.

413. This was all brushwood here.

414. Me and Correia the mason cleared it all away with the eucalyptus.

415. Me and Correia the mason laid down sewage pipes.

416. Me and AntÃ©nio the tiler laid the stone and tiles.

417. There were clouds of frogs here. Thousands of them.

418. Once, we set up the statues of Mr Gulbenkian and the penguin.

419. At their feet, the ground was muddy.

420. We planted grass to pretty it up.

421. We watered it.

422. They say Mr Gulbenkian has lots of oil,

423. and lots of heirs.

424. Guarding this isn't like guarding the mall back home.

425. Here, you need an iron hand in a velvet glove.

426. Over there, it's all an iron hand, nothing but poverty.

427. Blacks, whites, gypsies, old people, children. They all steal.

428. So much hunger and gloom it makes you uneasy.

429. I know what I'm talking about.

430. Here it's another world. An ancient, easy world.

431. No-one shouts or runs or spits on the ground.

432. It's nice and easy.

433. I can take a nap easy.

434. Afternoons here in Egyptian Art are sacred to me...

435. There's trouble when someone like you turns up.

436. But you don't see people like us here often.

437. We're left in peace.

438. I have to make a living. I became a father last month.

439. - Your first child? - Yes.

440. - A boy or a girl? - A girl. Her name's ThaÃ¯s.

441. I took a spill there. I slipped and fell off the scaffold.

442. Shall we play a hand?

443. I'll make some food.

444. Come and play.

445. I'm gonna make an egg sandwich. Want some?

446. Sit down and play.

447. Get this into your head!

448. Nha cretcheu, my love,

449. being together again

450. will brighten our lives

451. for at least 30 years.

452. You need rest.

453. I'll come back to you

454. strong and loving.

455. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

456. a dozen fancy dresses,

457. a car,

458. that little lava house you always dreamed of,

459. a threepenny bouquet.

460. You need to relax.

461. But most of all,

462. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

463. Here, it's nothing but work.

464. There are over a hundred of us now.

465. Two days ago, for my birthday,

466. I thought about you for a long while.

467. Did my letter arrive safely?

468. Still nothing from you.

469. I'm waiting.

470. I'm waiting.

471. Every day,

472. every minute,

473. I learn new beautiful words, just for you and me,

474. made to fit us both,

475. like fine silk pyjamas. Wouldn't you like that?

476. I can only send you one letter a month.

477. Still nothing from you.

478. Some other time.

479. You're tough. You always beat me.

480. Lucky you had your hard hat.

481. - Why? - You didn't hurt your head.

482. A green pen and a black pen.

483. I'm hungry. Aren't you?

484. Raise your arms and shout "Freedom!"

485. Shout, oh independent people!

486. Shout, oh liberated people!

487. Shout, oh independent people!

488. Shout, oh liberated people!

489. The fifth of July means freedom -

490. The fifth of July, the road to happiness -

491. The fifth of July means freedom -

492. "Long live Cabral!"

493. Freedom fighter for our nation...

494. "Long live Cabral!"

495. Freedom fighter for our nation...

496. Mama!

497. Alright?

498. Mama is sick.

499. See how my daughter said, "Alright?"

500. It's as if she'd said, "So, Mama,

501. "are you well?"

502. My little girl...

503. Mama just wants to raise you. Then I can die.

504. It's over. I'm better now.

505. Look at your baby booties.

506. Look at the little suitcase.

507. Today, I'm visiting my other daughter.

508. - Who's that? - Bete.

509. She still in Fontafnhas?

510. She's waiting for housing.

511. - She likes shrimp too. - Does she?

512. She likes them?

513. Not as much as you but she's crazy about them.

514. Then I have to see her, so we buy two pounds each.

515. We'll eat until we get stuffed.

516. As soon as I see her, I'll tell her.

517. See, Papa, just three spurts of this and it goes away just like that.

518. Use it all the time.

519. I'd better not or it'll become a habit.

520. When everything's closed up,

521. I get edgy.

522. It's like that when you can't breathe.

523. I can't take the elevator.

524. I use them, but I get nervous!

525. It scares me, I don't know why. I shake all over.

526. Here, dear!

527. Listen to Mama, baby. Mama is turning it on.

528. But when Frank/in comes on, I'll turn it off, alright?

529. My daughter asks me, "Alright?" Poor little thing!

530. She feels what I feel.

531. Dance, baby! Dance!

532. Dance! Shake your ass! Like this!

533. How does it go? No. Your hips!

534. She's worried.

535. I can tell she's nervous.

536. Look at her face!

537. Ba by, Franklin is coming on.

538. Mama is sick.

539. You know, Bia... Look at me.

540. Mama doesn't think she can raise you.

541. Look at her dance!

542. Dance, baby!

543. How did Mama teach you?

544. Mama can't raise her child. Mama is sick.

545. Sing, baby.

546. Your mouth is full, you little piggy.

547. Dance, baby!

548. She's mad. She saw how sick I am.

549. Look, Franklin! Let's turn that off now, okay?

550. That's it!

551. Look at Franklin!

552. - Papa, look, it's Franklin. - There he is.

553. How dearly I love you

554. How dearly I love my mother, O flower

555. I love you dearly For our happiness

556. You know you have a dead son. Do you remember his name or age?

557. The one who drifted from door to door.

558. No-one helped him.

559. The other day, I had breakfast at the coffee shop.

560. There were some workers there.

561. They were discussing a work site in Porto

562. and mentioned a worker named Nhurro who worked in Porto.

563. But I doubt my brother is alive.

564. Remember the day you were in the vegetable garden

565. digging up potatoes and you cut him with the hoe?

566. Like this living-room furniture?

567. I also have a nice bedroom set.

568. I don't need one.

569. Are you clean, Nhurro?

570. I'm not the same Nhurro you left in that hole,

571. in that shanty town.

572. But being really clean... No-one can claim that.

573. Being clean means eating four full meals,

574. not stealing, not wiping car windows,

575. having a decent job,

576. learning the ropes.

577. Fontainhas... they razed it already?

578. There's nothing but dirt, weeds, and rats.

579. They relocated everyone?

580. Bete is the only one left.

581. I'm here with you but my mind is back there,

582. with my mother.

583. She hasn't had a drink in three weeks.

584. She's going through withdrawal.

585. She phoned me and said, "When will you come visit?

586. "When will you come see your mother?"

587. Every time I say, "Mama,

588. "it's a problem. There's no-one to replace me.

589. "But the first chance I have, I'll come see you."

590. She said, "Son, the cachupa is on the stove.

591. "It's hot. I'm expecting you."

592. She's already been relocated.

593. I have to open her water and electricity accounts,

594. get some lamps,

595. a water heater, a stove,

596. a washing machine, carpeting,

597. clean everything up...

598. My father also called me -

599. "Son, I have my ticket for a week from now.

600. "Hold on, Papa.

601. "I'm coming to help you, to calla taxi,

602. "carry the luggage,

603. "take you to the airport,

604. "help you check in,

605. "weigh the luggage, since you can't read.

606. "Then, if we have time, we'll go have a beer,

607. "like father and son.

608. "I know you hoped to return to Cape Verde to die.

609. "Mama thinks you'll come back some day.

610. "As for me, I don't know."

611. Nha cretcheu, my love,

612. being together again will brighten our lives

613. for at least 30 years.

614. I'll come back to you strong and loving.

615. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

616. a dozen fancy dresses,

617. a car,

618. that little lava house you always dreamed of,

619. a threepenny bouquet.

620. But most of all,

621. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

622. Here, it's nothing but work.

623. There are over a hundred of us now.

624. Did my letter arrive safely?

625. Still nothing from you. Some other time.

626. Every day, every minute, I learn beautiful new words

627. for you and me alone made to fit us both,

628. like fine silk pyjamas. Wouldn't you like that?

629. I can only send you one letter a month.

630. Still nothing from you.

631. Some other time.

632. I often get scared building these walls.

633. Me with a pick and cement, you with your silence,

634. a pit so deep, it swallows you up.

635. It hurts to see these horrors that I don't want to see.

636. Your lovely hair slips through my fingers like dry grass.

637. Often, I feel weak and think I'm going to forget you.

638. Good morning.

639. We sure have trouble with the keys.

640. But we'll find a solution.

641. How did you get in?

642. The door was open.

643. - All alone again? - All alone.

644. We're better off alone...

645. First floor, right.

646. The living room is big.

647. 130 square feet of good construction.

648. There's room for couches,

649. a sideboard, a TV.

650. It can make a good lounge.

651. This is a move for the future.

652. This neighbourhood includes a day care centre for the youngest,

653. and an outdoor centre for the older children,

654. social services for everyone, a health care centre,

655. a library,

656. a skating rink, and a police station.

657. It's full of spiders.

658. This bedroom is perfect for you and your wife.

659. Usually, the wife comes along to see the place.

660. Usually, the entire family, too.

661. Let's conclude with the do's and don't's for residents:

662. Unpaid rent means expulsion.

663. Unpaid water bill means no showers.

664. Unpaid gas bill means no cooking.

665. Unpaid electricity bill means no light.

666. Most of all, no dealing of any kind on these premises.

667. Is that clear?

668. Everything alright?

669. The City has nothing bigger.

670. It's five rooms at the most.

671. How many children do you have?

672. I don't know yet.

673. Yes?

674. - Does it work? - Yes, it does.

675. - Good luck. - Thank you.

676. Papa, keep to yourself what I'm going to tell you.

677. I made a pledge

678. to take my daughter to FÃ¡tima. But keep this to yourself.

679. I will.

680. I want to take a group excursion with someone from around here.

681. If my daughter was born healthy and if I was clean,

682. I'd take her to FÃ¡tima.

683. I'll come with you and pay for the trip.

684. The cripple wants to go too!

685. He keeps pestering me.

686. I help him with stamps from cigarette packets.

687. These ones.

688. The State already gave him a leg. This time, it's for a motorbike.

689. He needs two pounds of these things to get a motorbike.

690. If he wasn't so needy, he'd get it in no time.

691. But since he's needy...

692. My methadone also comes from the State.

693. The other day, the State lost the key to the safe.

694. Panic! They had to call in the army...

695. to give our methadone to us, who were badly off.

696. So they showed up.

697. They always have to leave two vials, just in case.

698. It has to be locked away. It's more precious than gold.

699. I have to reduce the dose.

700. I sweat too much.

701. I have it down to 40. But I have to go even further.

702. I'm tired of suffering.

703. You can't imagine what my husband and I have been through.

704. No-one would do what he's done for me.

705. Really, no-one.

706. The times I found him alone at night, crying.

707. It's true.

708. He sold everything to keep me from being in need.

709. The TV, the stereo, the DVD player, at least seven mobile phones.

710. Gold, everything. He sold it all, everything.

711. The day I gave birth,

712. we didn't have enough money because of those fucking drugs.

713. We had to take the bus...

714. the 155 bus which goes to the hospital.

715. I had terrible pains. Mother of God!

716. I made a fucking mess of everything.

717. She was born so tiny.

718. She looked like a little mouse,

719. with her skinny little arms and legs.

720. The lord and master is home.

721. We've eaten already... Did you think we'd wait for you?

722. - Papa, want some fruit? - I'm full.

723. Did you come to eat with Vanda?

724. Cutlets.

725. Try to borrow your boss's van so we can get rid of this shit.

726. I've had enough of these couches.

727. Papa, I can't believe what I see. Looks like ghosts.

728. Like a woman or a girl.

729. White shapes... They get up, sit down,

730. they move back and forth.

731. My daughter sees them too.

732. She never comes here by herself. She gets scared.

733. I have to get rid of this junk to buy new stuff.

734. Same for the bedroom furniture. It's all falling apart.

735. The bed goes...

736. Like that.

737. If I had the money, I'd buy new stuff.

738. One day, I found a little white table,

739. brand new...

740. If it had been nearby, I'd have brought it home right off.

741. It had two panes of striped glass. Really pretty.

742. When I went back there, it was gone.

743. And I found a box with a lamp like this one,

744. even bigger and newer!

745. He wouldn't let me take it. He thinks he's a rich man.

746. He's ashamed.

747. I'm not.

748. I retrieve anything when I'm alone.

749. Papa, what about your old furniture from FontaÃnhas?

750. Clotilde smashed it all.

751. Clotilde, or a woman just like her.

752. What happened?

753. She smashed everything before she left.

754. She didn't leave a thing.

755. Not even the suitcase.

756. My new suitcase.

757. She took everything? Where did you sleep?

758. On the floor. Clotilde destroyed our iron bed.

759. It only happens to you.

760. - You didn't have a fight? - She stabbed me with a knife.

761. With a knife?

762. Don't cross the utensils. Want any more?

763. Had enough?

764. Papa, want any fruit?

765. I'm full.

766. You're married to Vanda?

767. - An apple? - Why not.

768. Lento, is that you?

769. Lento!

770. Come and learn something!

771. Nha cretcheu, my love,

772. being together again will brighten our lives for at least 30 years.

773. I'll come back to you strong and loving.

774. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

775. a dozen fancy dresses,

776. a car,

777. that little lava house you always dreamed of,

778. a threepenny bouquet.

779. But most of all,

780. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

781. Could you please open the door?

782. This is the fellow who comes by from time to time.

783. I came to ask you something.

784. If you could help me out...

785. - Paulo? - I'd be very grateful.

786. Sorry to bother you.

787. Some guy came by to beg for money for your funeral.

788. I wanted to give him something, but your mother refused.

789. My mother...

790. My leg is still weak.

791. No more crutches, Paulo?

792. He's a creep.

793. I taught him everything he knows.

794. Addresses, streets, buzzers, doors...

795. He always waited downstairs. I would go up.

796. I'd ring.

797. "Hello, Dona Gina. It's Wednesday. How are you?"

798. "Fine, Paulo.

799. "Just a minute, I'll see if I have anything."

800. And she'd come back

801. with a package of rice, a can of sausages.

802. Then the next floor.

803. "Dona Teresa, how are you? It's Wednesday. It's Paulo.

804. "And is your sister better?"

805. "She is, thank God. The operation went well. And you?"

806. "I'm feeling a bit better too. Thank God."

807. "I'll see what I have."

808. And she'd come back

809. with socks, a pair of sneakers, four euros.

810. "Here, Paulo. My son's gym shoes. They might fit you."

811. "They should, Dona Teresa.

812. "Thank you very much.

813. "I hope your sister gets better. See you next Wednesday."

814. Once downstairs,

815. "See what I managed to find in one building?

816. "Do like I do and you'll go far."

817. A little later, what does that moron go and do?

818. He gets a file folder, some paper,

819. puts on a half-clean shirt,

820. and cuts to the chase.

821. He rings Dona Gina's door.

822. "Dona Gina, I have some sad news.

823. "Paulo the Crutch

824. "had his leg cut off at the hospital.

825. "In despair, he climbed up on Santa Cruz Bridge,

826. "threw himself in front of a train and died."

827. - "It can't be!" - "It's the truth."

828. "So I decided to come here

829. "and ask for donations

830. "from you and his other friends,

831. "so that he can have a decent funeral.

832. "To buy him flowers,

833. "a casket,

834. "a headstone."

835. But a few days later,

836. I went by Dona Gina's.

837. Imagine the lady's shock

838. when I knocked at her door!

839. She almost had a heart attack when she saw me.

840. - "You're alive, Paulo?" - "Yes, Dona Gina. Why?

841. "My leg's doing better."

842. "You know why I said that?

843. "A friend of yours came by not long ago.

844. "He was taking donations for your funeral."

845. "Unbelievable!"

846. He was out of luck.

847. Dona Gina was married to the chief of police.

848. I last saw him go by in the police van.

849. Nowadays, I go around to the same people,

850. and they're even happier to give me things.

851. Your mother left me, Paulo.

852. - Why? - I don't know.

853. - The flat's too big for you alone. - It's for all of us.

854. What's in your bag, Paulo?

855. Toys I sell outside schools. I don't make much.

856. Nothing at all.

857. Begging around here is useless. Everybody's poor.

858. We'll need gas, tobacco, and matches.

859. We'll have to manage on our own.

861. Soldiers all over...

862. Ferocious. In their armoured cars...

863. Checking IDs...

864. They're bound to come here. Don't go out for anything.

865. I went to confession.

866. The priest asked me if I ever ate human flesh.

867. Come learn the letter.

868. Yesterday at dawn, they passed by in a jeep.

869. They took Yaya to the Sintra Woods.

870. They beat him up and tied him to a pine tree.

871. He was the first but not the last.

872. Come and learn.

873. What's the use now?

874. The letter will never reach Cape Verde.

875. Being together again will brighten our lives...

876. There's no more mail, Ventura.

877. No boats or planes or anything.

878. They're all on strike.

879. Another one departing...

880. 'ma, Lena's daughter.

881. The usual poison.

882. It wasn't poison she took.

883. It was all the poison taken for her before she came into the world.

884. - See you, Ventura. - See you, Xana.

885. You hear a woman crying?

886. - No. - Well, I do.

887. What I see are two turtles.

888. - See them in that corner? - I don't see a thing.

889. Now I see a hen,

890. with its comb.

891. - See it? - No.

892. Look, there's a uniformed cop with a cap.

893. Behind him are lots of houses.

894. Under the cop, I see a lion

895. baring its teeth.

896. - A what? - A lion...

897. baring its teeth.

898. I see a man and a woman. The man has a tail.

899. - Where? - Over the lion.

900. With a tail?

901. - Then he's a devil. - Probably.

902. Are you a good man or a bad man?

903. I'm a good man.

904. In the houses of the departed, there are lots of figures to see.

905. Where have you been?

906. In Porto?

907. Did you see him?

908. I was in real pain.

909. I just heard someone crying in the street.

910. You're a good man.

911. When they give us those white rooms, we'll stop seeing these things.

912. That's true.

913. It'll all be over.

914. It's hot.

915. Papa, Zita was your daughter, but she was my sister first.

916. I know.

917. Nha cretcheu, my love,

918. being together again will brighten our lives for at least 30 years.

919. I'll come back to you strong and loving.

920. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

921. a dozen fancy dresses,

922. a car,

923. that little lava house you always dreamed of,

924. a threepenny bouquet.

925. But most of all,

926. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

927. Here, it's nothing but work.

928. There are over a hundred of us now.

929. Two days ago, for my birthday, I thought about you for a long while.

930. Did my letter arrive safely?

931. Still nothing from you.

932. Some other time.

933. Every day, every minute,

934. I learn beautiful new words for you and me made to fit us both,

935. like fine silk pyjamas. Wouldn't you like that?

936. I can only send you one letter a month.

937. Still nothing from you.

938. Some other time.

939. I often get scared building these walls.

940. Me with a pick and cement, you with your silence,

941. a pit so deep, it swallows you up.

942. It hurts to see these horrors that I don't want to see.

943. Your lovely hair slips through my fingers like dry grass.

944. Often, I feel weak and think I'm going to forget you.

945. That's an awful letter, Ventura.

946. It's me, Paulo.

947. I had too much anaesthesia.

948. My head...

949. They took flesh from this leg and put it on this one

950. and to plug up the holes the Lizaroff made.

951. It's a kind of scaffold-like device

952. to stretch the bone.

953. But in my case, it stretched the tendons too.

954. The doctors are all excited.

955. They're taking photos, making films.

956. They sent them to the United States

957. so their colleagues can study the method.

958. In another two or three days, they'll discharge me.

959. If they don't,

960. I'm leaving on my own.

961. It's costing me a lot.

962. I'm paying 12.50 euros a night for a hotel room.

963. My girlfriend Paula can't pay.

964. She's sick.

965. It has to be my lady friends from Pontinha,

966. Colina do Sol, and Benfica.

967. But they're fed up.

968. "Paulo, will these operations go on the rest of your life?"

969. "No, not if you find me a job

970. "in construction work: labourer,

971. "tiler, carpenter..."

972. Goldsmith would be perfect.

973. It's the trade I learned as a kid.

974. I can do it all.

975. Weld chains and bracelets, adjust rings.

976. I even did wedding rings.

977. The Mint was home to me.

978. I want you to come with me to see my mother.

979. Your mother?

980. I know she does her knitting every afternoon

982. She's all alone there.

983. I'm sure

984. if we go together,

985. she won't run away...

986. Seven or eight years ago,

987. it was a disaster.

988. I went with a buddy, Nhurro.

989. My Nhurro?

990. Yeah. She got scared.

991. It's understandable.

992. She threw me 5,000 escudos.

993. "What can I do with 5,000, you skinflint!

994. "Go up and get me more dough!"

995. If we go together and you talk to her...

996. What would I say to her, Paulo?

997. "Hello, Lurdes.

998. "Remember this boy?

999. "Is his face familiar?

1000. "This dirty hair,

1001. "these hands blue from the cold,

1002. "these legs full of bullets?

1003. "You don't remember, do you?

1004. "I do.

1005. "It wasn't you who washed him,

1006. "gave him hot soup at night,

1007. "went to fetch him in the oil drum he slept in?

1008. "Why these tears?

1009. "Feeling regrets?

1010. "I've brought you your son,

1011. "just as he is.

1012. "I did what I could."

1013. I just want you to tell me my daughter's address.

1014. I haven't seen her in 15 years.

1015. They told me I'm a grandfather.

1016. Come on, dear.

1017. Come on. Be careful!

1018. Put on the coat!

1019. You little monkey!

1020. Are you in pain, Ventura?

1021. Let me by.

1022. Let me by, ventured!

1023. Is it that rat again?

1024. The shack floor is shaking.

1025. We need bricks and cement.

1026. Have you eaten?

1027. Tonight, we'll sleep warm and cosy.

1028. You're barefoot?

1029. Don't you want the letter anymore?

1030. I can't learn it. I can't write and you won't write.

1031. I'll get some electricity in here.

1032. Electricity?

1033. Monday, I have to go to Social Security.

1034. I have to go early to get a number to wait and queue.

1035. I have to go to the cemetery to clean my mother's and Zita's graves.

1036. I haven't had the courage to do Zita's.

1037. Tomorrow, I stop mourning. Enough is enough.

1038. It's as if I were in mourning for myself.

1039. Papa, your socks don't match.

1040. Want some more?

1041. I took your mother some grilled chicken at the hospital.

1042. The day you were born,

1043. I was working on the building site of a bank in the city.

1044. My brother came by and told me you'd been born.

1045. How did you win over my mother?

1046. It was at the Ãguas Podres River, in Assomada.

1047. She was getting water in a can.

1048. I was riding my donkey, Pogo-Serra.

1049. It took me three years to win her over.

1050. At first, she wouldn't even look at me.

1051. On 5th July,

1052. Independence Day,

1053. she was there among the violins, flags, accordions and drums,

1054. and she started to sing:

1055. The fifth of July, raise your arms, Liberty!

1056. Shout! Shout "Cabral"!

1057. Peoples of liberated Guinea and Cape Verde,

1058. Shout! Shout "Cabral"!

1059. Raise your arms and shout, Liberty!

1060. Shout! Shout "Cabral"!

1061. But she didn't know how to sing.

1062. I went up to her and started to tease her.

1063. "You sing off-key!"

1064. She whacked me with the flagpole... and started to take to me.

1065. - Was she beautiful? - Yes, she was.

1066. - And am I beautiful or ugly? - You're beautiful.

1067. It's a wonderful story to tell your children and grandchildren.

1068. I'm glad you told it to me.

1069. They say you jumped out the window.

1070. They say you jumped out the window,

1071. with your four children, your wife,

1072. and that you landed on a car.

1073. They say you yelled a lot.

1074. I yelled my head off.

1075. I yelled for my mother, my father, the fire department,

1076. Santa BÃ¡rbara the Generous.

1077. I even yelled your name.

1078. Then everything went black. See my hands?

1079. All burnt.

1080. They were stuck to the wall. It was 1000 degrees in there.

1081. When I heard that, I cried.

1082. You cried for me? I already cried a lot for you.

1083. Don't you remember?

1084. Was that you I heard crying?

1085. I was afraid you'd die.

1086. I was afraid you'd drown in the pond at the park.

1087. That fear of death we had back then!

1088. This was the children's room. We locked ourselves in.

1089. Nobody came.

1090. We broke the window.

1091. But...

1092. neither the cops,

1093. nor the revolutionary militia,

1094. nor the gypsies,

1095. nor the whites succeeded in burning down our shack.

1096. I threw a match on the mattress.

1097. - Why? - Because of our problems.

1098. - And now? - Now?

1099. - What will you do? - Do?

1100. We'll live here. I'll be your neighbour.

1101. I'm just across, at no. 6, first floor, right.

1102. We've lived closer once.

1103. - I have a bunch of rooms. - And your kids?

1104. Is that them I see at the window?

1105. Is that Clotilde I see at the window?

1106. Stop it. There's no-one there.

1107. You got everything in the end -

1108. water, electricity, gas, an ID card.

1109. You worked day and night.

1110. I sleep alone, Lento.

1111. I wish I could offer you 100,000 cigarettes,

1112. a dozen fancy dresses,

1113. a car,

1114. the little lava house you always dreamed of,

1115. a threepenny bouquet.

1116. But most of all,

1117. drink a bottle of good wine and think of me.

1118. This was the bedroom ArcÃ¢ngela and I had.

1119. This is where it all began.

1120. See you, Lento.

1121. See you, Ventura.

1122. Papa, good timing.

1123. I'm off to do house cleaning for a lady.

1124. Stay with my daughter, okay?

1125. Sure.

1126. FOR CILA, FOR ZITA