1. Fifteen years ago in Tromaville,Copy !req
2. New Jersey, the Toxic Chemical
Capital of the worldCopy !req
3. little mop boy Melvin Fyrd,
a 98-pound weaklingCopy !req
4. was teased taunted, and other bad stuff,Copy !req
5. until he fell into a barrel of
toxic chemical waste.Copy !req
6. Transforming him into a hideously
deformed creatureCopy !req
7. of superhuman size and strength;Copy !req
8. Melvin became The Toxic Avenger,
the first superhero from New Jersey!Copy !req
9. Then two really shitty sequels were made...
sorry about that.Copy !req
10. This is the real sequel.Copy !req
11. Okay kids, today we're going to celebrate
our special friends below the border.Copy !req
12. We are going to celebrate take
a Mexican to Lunch Day.Copy !req
13. Can we say that?
Mexican.Copy !req
14. Very, very good.Copy !req
15. Now that's where the hard working
Mexicans take naps during the day.Copy !req
16. Just like us?Copy !req
17. Just like us. Exactly like us.Copy !req
18. Tito, v_hat do you think you're doing youngCopy !req
19. Listen bitch, just because I'm a tardCopy !req
20. doesn't mean that you have to treat
me like one.Copy !req
21. But because I'm "special," I don't
think I'm ever gonna get laid,Copy !req
22. so why can't I masturbate?Copy !req
23. Tito! Okay kids, now do you know
what you're eating?Copy !req
24. That's right tacos. Can you say taco?Copy !req
25. Taco.Copy !req
26. All right you fucking retards drop yourCopy !req
27. Fuck this man, I'm outta here.Copy !req
28. What on earth do you think you're doing,
young man?Copy !req
29. I'm trying to teach a class here.Copy !req
30. What kind of man are you?Copy !req
31. This kind.Copy !req
32. We interrupt our coverage of the Smith-Vale Home for the Elderly massacreCopy !req
33. to bring you this very special report.Copy !req
34. Well folks it looks like we've got
anotherCopy !req
35. You take this one.
I did the last three.Copy !req
36. The terrorist group in question,
the Diaper Mafia,Copy !req
37. have taken the Tromaville School
for theCopy !req
38. We're going to go live now to the
Tromaville School for the Very SpecialCopy !req
39. where our correspondent Cindy Tata
isCopy !req
40. Tromaville police chief Newman
about this very subject.Copy !req
41. Stick with us after the break where
our very own Josh LevitskyCopy !req
42. will share some of those mouth-watering
recipes for butternut squash.Copy !req
43. Oooh, aaah, I like that
That's goodCopy !req
44. Like a living Martha Stewart
But isn't she still alive?Copy !req
45. Nigga, please.Copy !req
46. Chief Newman, what caused the
Diaper MafiaCopy !req
47. horrible acts of violence?Copy !req
48. Well, uh, ah, no comment.Copy !req
49. I can't believe this is happening inCopy !req
50. You ask me, these diaper mafia punks
aleCopy !req
51. What is the use of sending these
retards to school in the first place?Copy !req
52. All right, Tex, time to
kill another one.Copy !req
53. Yes, daddy.Copy !req
54. Chief Newman, the Diaper Mafia has said
they will executeCopy !req
55. a special student every half hour
until their demands have been met.Copy !req
56. Really?Copy !req
57. Yet it's been at least 35 minutes sinceCopy !req
58. never mindCopy !req
59. Well, that's a damn shame it had
to happen onCopy !req
60. Take Mexicans to Lunch Day and all.Copy !req
61. You hear that, pigs, you hear that?
YouCopy !req
62. You hear that hear that hear that?Copy !req
63. A tard dies every five minutes unless
theCopy !req
64. You got that?Copy !req
65. Got that got that?Copy !req
66. I'm working on it, really
I'm working on it.Copy !req
67. Please don't shoot any more
of those tards.Copy !req
68. I mean those special kids.Copy !req
69. Fuck the fucking tards! I'm sick and
tired of their drooling and whining!Copy !req
70. Now why is it when I shit my pants,
it's a fucking social faux pas?Copy !req
71. But when a tard shits his pants,Copy !req
72. a good-looking nurse wipes his ass
for him, huh?Copy !req
73. She's got her head up her ass.Copy !req
74. Tex, Tex, Tex check it out! Pregger
pi-ata! HA HA HA!Copy !req
75. Hey hey, you've got your head
up your ass!Copy !req
76. Fuck you!Copy !req
77. Fuckin people!Copy !req
78. That's what separates us from the
pussies like the Trenchcoat Mafia,Copy !req
79. the Flat Top Mafia, and
the No-Pants Mafia.Copy !req
80. Didn't you hear what Kazinski said?
Fucking tard.Copy !req
81. Gun!
Nooooo!Copy !req
82. Mayor Goldberg, how do you feel about
theCopy !req
83. Try not to harp about the five
that are dead.Copy !req
84. Think about the hundreds of students
that are still living, still breathing,Copy !req
85. and let's pray for an end to all
this murder and mayhem and garbage.Copy !req
86. Let's pray.
Let's pray.Copy !req
87. Get off the phone!Copy !req
88. Let's pray, goddammit!Copy !req
89. You too.Copy !req
90. Oh lord, in your divine wisdom,
please find it in your heartCopy !req
91. to put an end to this murder
and filth and trash and garbage.Copy !req
92. Oh, and please help us to get
re-elected one more time ok?Copy !req
93. Thank you very much God, and amen.Copy !req
94. Amen.Copy !req
95. Dye-a-nuCopy !req
96. Thank God you're here.
What took you soCopy !req
97. I had to change. It takes a while.Copy !req
98. Yeah, ok. All right, kid, hold on,
allCopy !req
99. I got the Really Real Bikini TV crew here.Copy !req
100. The Diaper Mafia's demands have not yet
been issued, and yet,Copy !req
101. speculation has already begun as to the
motivation behind the senseless attackCopy !req
102. on the mentally feeble student body.Copy !req
103. What do you think, Nick?Copy !req
104. I'm gonna have to go with heavy
metal music on this one, Jason.Copy !req
105. Aah, interesting.Copy !req
106. But what about that best-selling
video game Kill All the Retards?Copy !req
107. Could be a factor, JasonCopy !req
108. But we cannot forget about
the rap music.Copy !req
109. Very popular with the kids. I
personally, am not a fan of rap music.Copy !req
110. I think you could put a c in front
of rap and call it you-know-what.Copy !req
111. I don't think you should go that far.Copy !req
112. Not a fan.Copy !req
113. I think you're going too far.Copy !req
114. Not a fan.Copy !req
115. All right, I think you've
established that.Copy !req
116. You know I think the worst part is that
we'll never knowCopy !req
117. Well that won't stop me from casting myCopy !req
118. _ll, it certainly couldn't be violence in the Ne;r_JCopy !req
119. Oh God no.Copy !req
120. I mean we may broadcast death and
tragedy,Copy !req
121. in his heart, and I think you'll
back me up on thisCopy !req
122. I will back you up.Copy !req
123. We would never glorify it.Copy !req
124. You like that, don't you retard?Copy !req
125. Hello, Tex, Samantha Chambers,
Really Real Bikini TV.Copy !req
126. This is my morbidly obese sidekick.Copy !req
127. I mean, cameraman, Joe.Copy !req
128. Well Samantha, looks like I won't
have to frisk you for weapons.Copy !req
129. Hey, listen lady, I didn't call you
in here to fuck you.Copy !req
130. I called you in here because the
Really Real Bikini TV show isCopy !req
131. the number one show in America.Copy !req
132. Now tell fatty there to turn
on the camera.Copy !req
133. I'm gonna show ya something.
Okay.Copy !req
134. You see this bitch right here?Copy !req
135. Wasting perfectly good tax dollars
trying to "teach" the un-teachable.Copy !req
136. And if there's one thing the Diaper
Mafia hates more than RETARDS,Copy !req
137. it's genetic traitors.Copy !req
138. Now, I'm gonna show you what we do
to bitches like that.Copy !req
139. Oh my god, it's the Toxic Avenger, Tromaville's famous creature of superhuman size and strength!Copy !req
140. if that's the Toxic Avenger,
where's hisCopy !req
141. ward and sidekick Fatass?Copy !req
142. It's Lardass, punk!Copy !req
143. Let's fight.Copy !req
144. Toxie's got his head up his ass.Copy !req
145. I've got my head up my ass.Copy !req
146. Children, duck! Duck! No no no no!Copy !req
147. Toxie!Copy !req
148. No. You can't kill me Toxie.Copy !req
149. You see this exploding timing device
on my chest?Copy !req
150. You see that bomb over there
in the corner?Copy !req
151. Kiss your school goodbye.Copy !req
152. Oh my God!Copy !req
153. Five seconds after my heart stops
this school is nothin'Copy !req
154. but dead tards and charred lard.Copy !req
155. Hey!Copy !req
156. That's right! Kazinski said you'd
be here. Oh that's right!Copy !req
157. Sergeant Tito Kazinski, Tromaville ATF.
Where do you think I got all these gunsCopy !req
158. in the first place anyway, huh?Copy !req
159. He understands this world is full of
unthinking cattle that need to beCopy !req
160. led into the new millennium
with a new order.Copy !req
161. And the first step in the process is toCopy !req
162. genetically mutated freaks and shit!
Ha-ha-heh-heh.Copy !req
163. That' wasn't a nice thing to say.Copy !req
164. Excuse me, miss WienerCopy !req
165. Toxie, you were always my best studentCopy !req
166. Thanks!Copy !req
167. No Toxie! Don't let your Tromatons
controlCopy !req
168. Tromatons?Copy !req
169. Think Toxie, if his heart stops
the bomb'll go off!Copy !req
170. Aaaaagh! put it back in! Aaaaaaagh!Copy !req
171. Ugh, there you go, good as new! Oh darn it.Copy !req
172. Oh darn it.Copy !req
173. Come on Toxie let's get these kids
out ofCopy !req
174. This building's about to explode!Copy !req
175. This bomb is now armed.
Detonation in TCopy !req
176. This would be easier if I had a mop.Copy !req
177. minus 5 seconds.Copy !req
178. These drugs are gonna blow my ass offCopy !req
179. Whoa. What the?Copy !req
180. Didn't your special helper tell you
that drugs are bad for you?Copy !req
181. Fuck off super zero!Copy !req
182. I'm just trying to act like
all the other cool cats my age.Copy !req
183. Ahh! What's the deal Tox?Copy !req
184. Well the deal is, I just can't standby
andCopy !req
185. I'm not killin' myself
drugs kill my pain.Copy !req
186. Being a teenager sucks.Copy !req
187. Um, wellCopy !req
188. Being a retarded teenager sucks worse.
Drugs make it suck less.Copy !req
189. You're pretty articulate for a
druggie special student.Copy !req
190. What's articulatit?Copy !req
191. Ahhh! Ummm! Come on!Copy !req
192. No Toxie! Church and state must
remain separated!Copy !req
193. Holy cow! Lardass, I have to go
impregnateCopy !req
194. Action sausage nunchuks
Deli style!Copy !req
195. T minus 3 seconds.Copy !req
196. Oh Toxie hurry! Do you feel
what time it is?Copy !req
197. Oh yeah, yeah, YEAH!
Ugh. Ooooh. Ungh.Copy !req
198. Oh Toxie, in my blind eyes you are
the most beautiful man in the world.Copy !req
199. I can't believe it's not butter!Copy !req
200. You know Sarah, I have a good feeling
about the sex we had just nowCopy !req
201. I really think I got you pregnant.
Oh! What time is it?Copy !req
202. Oh! Melvin what's gotten into you?Copy !req
203. I know you're really excited aboutCopy !req
204. the results of the pregnancy test
aren't you?Copy !req
205. Umm yeah that's it SarahCopy !req
206. No Sarah I gotta get back to the school,
the special kids are in troubleCopy !req
207. What am I to you anymore Melvin?
I feel like a giant ovaryCopy !req
208. with a hundred and ten pounds
of flesh attached. God!Copy !req
209. Sarah, what are you saying?Copy !req
210. That's not what it is at all.
I love you.Copy !req
211. Well I just can't seem to understand
why Lardass can't do some of theCopy !req
212. crimefighting by himself some of the time.Copy !req
213. I know I know Lardass is all grown up
now, but when I made him my wardCopy !req
214. all those years ago,
I promised him we'd be partners.Copy !req
215. I know he's a big boy now
a really,Copy !req
216. really big boy now but he's just
not to defend Tromaville on his own.Copy !req
217. You go to your Lardass! Maybe he'll haveCopy !req
218. I love you Sarah.
Yeah.Copy !req
219. Toxie's here!Copy !req
220. Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D why aren't
you in there helping the Toxic Avenger?Copy !req
221. I'm a New York City police officer
this is not my jurisdictionCopy !req
222. besides Toxie suggested I stay out here
and stake out the area.Copy !req
223. Yeah because I can guard everyoneCopy !req
224. out here with my amazing
oriental super powersCopy !req
225. and so everyone should be safe outside
with me here behind this fence.Copy !req
226. I think you should actually come
in hereCopy !req
227. T minus 2 seconds.Copy !req
228. Toxie, Toxie!
The bomb is about to go off!Copy !req
229. T minus 1 second.Copy !req
230. Thank heavens for my emergency
peanutCopy !req
231. Come on kids.Copy !req
232. Let's go, we have no time to waste!
We've got to evacuate the building.Copy !req
233. You're dead. You? You're dead.Copy !req
234. Let's get out of here!
Come on, let's go, move it!Copy !req
235. T minus 0 seconds,
the bomb will now blowCopy !req
236. Thank you for shopping at Kmart.Copy !req
237. Lardass, what are you doing?
We've got to get out of here!Copy !req
238. No Melvin, there's no time!Copy !req
239. There are too many people in the
building, we'll never get them out.Copy !req
240. Lardass, no! Don't eat the bombCopy !req
241. Lardass, NO!Copy !req
242. Even your superhuman stomach
can't contain it! Noooo!Copy !req
243. What have I done?Copy !req
244. It's ok, Toxie, sweetie loves youCopy !req
245. Speak for yourself, biatch.
Fuck this man,Copy !req
246. I'm outta here. Get outta my way pussies.Copy !req
247. Oh Lardass!
My friend.Copy !req
248. Alright men, ready, aim,Copy !req
249. make guns go bang.Copy !req
250. Alright men, move after him
and use extreme caution.Copy !req
251. That lumpy headed bastard is dangerous.Copy !req
252. Get in the car!Copy !req
253. Oh? Ok. I suppose I owe you a thanks.Copy !req
254. Don't mention it boss,
I'm just glad I decided to stick around.Copy !req
255. You just can't trust school
kids these days.Copy !req
256. Crack deal?Copy !req
257. Crack deal? Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD
what are you talking about?Copy !req
258. Sgt? NYPD? What?Copy !req
259. Huh?Copy !req
260. What's wrong with you, Noxie?Copy !req
261. Are you selling the crack or
are you smoking it?Copy !req
262. Huh?Copy !req
263. Shit! Hang on Noxie!Copy !req
264. Noxie?Copy !req
265. Did you see that? That was a stop sign!Copy !req
266. Oh!Copy !req
267. Lookout!Copy !req
268. What areCopy !req
269. Those are police!Copy !req
270. What's wrong with you Noxie?Copy !req
271. You'd think you've never been
chased by the cops before.Copy !req
272. I haven't.Copy !req
273. Everybody back, everybody back,
just relax, stay calm.Copy !req
274. Toxie you alright?
What happened in there?Copy !req
275. Hey medics, get over here,
get Toxie over to the emergency ward.Copy !req
276. You alright?Copy !req
277. Come here!Copy !req
278. Stay back everybody! He's armed.Copy !req
279. What the hell did you do to the chief?Copy !req
280. Wow! Go Toxie!Copy !req
281. Toxie, what could've prompted thisCopy !req
282. vicious attack on the citizens of Tromaville'Copy !req
283. No fucking comment.Copy !req
284. Here how bout some hand me downs.Copy !req
285. YES!Copy !req
286. Any final statement?Copy !req
287. Shut your fucking cake hole!Copy !req
288. This doesn't look good.Copy !req
289. No it doesn't fuckin' look good.Copy !req
290. We should do somethingCopy !req
291. Do something like what? Did you see
what he just did to the fuckin' chief?Copy !req
292. Fuck that, I'm leavin'. Are you comin'?Copy !req
293. Yeah, ok.Copy !req
294. Faggot #1 meet faggot #2. Bingo!Copy !req
295. Say it ain't so Toxie, say it ain't so.Copy !req
296. It is so. Hold this fat ass. Oopsie daisy!Copy !req
297. Coming up at 11 =OO, Toxie kills
virtually everyone in Tromaville.Copy !req
298. And our very own Josh Levinsky
gets jiggy with it.Copy !req
299. Hang on Noxie, I can't pass this up.Copy !req
300. Kabukiman! That was an illegal U turn!Copy !req
301. Old Lady dead ahead!Copy !req
302. This is an American made car.Copy !req
303. Every time they flip 25 feet in the air
and crash down,Copy !req
304. they blow up! Let's get out of here.Copy !req
305. God damn.
Oh Toxie!Copy !req
306. Toxie, the children picked these for you.Copy !req
307. Ah, go fuck yourself.
Toxie!Copy !req
308. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
309. What is going on indeed.
The events, which you are witnessing,Copy !req
310. have proven my theories regarding
the truly fragile natureCopy !req
311. of the space-time continuum.Copy !req
312. Nurse.Copy !req
313. BlackboardCopy !req
314. Perfect.Copy !req
315. As you can plainly see,
for every dimension,Copy !req
316. there exists a diametric opposite of
that dimension. When two explosionsCopy !req
317. of equal mass occurred simultaneously,Copy !req
318. the barrier between Tromaville, and
it's dimensional doppelganger,Copy !req
319. Amortville, was weakened for a moment.
This breach caused the Toxic Avenger,Copy !req
320. and his evil opposite the Noxious
Offender to enter each other's reality.Copy !req
321. Well, that's pretty good for a shriveled
up cripple, who can't get it up.Copy !req
322. That is it hell-bitch. I don't need to
take this shit from you.Copy !req
323. My erectile dysfunction has been
resolved see. Thanks to the modernCopy !req
324. miracle of penile implant it merely
takes a few squeezes of my scrotalCopy !req
325. bubble to bring my once flaccid member
to a permanent state of tumescenceCopy !req
326. Now get over here and
I'll show you shriveled.Copy !req
327. Unzip me, and you'll be happy to launchCopy !req
328. I die, but my insane theories live on.Copy !req
329. _ey Noxie! Where ya been? Long time no seeCopy !req
330. Hey Noxie, want some of this?Copy !req
331. Ah No thank you.
Thanks for the offer but no.Copy !req
332. What is this evil, evil place?Copy !req
333. Toxie! Nice work at the school my friend.
You need a ride some place?Copy !req
334. Grandma, grandma, grandma, grandma,
grandma, grandma, grandmaCopy !req
335. How am I supposed to smoke this crack
without a fucking pipe?Copy !req
336. Fuck off Spazmo, that's the deal.Copy !req
337. But, but, but, the deal was the three
of you guys for a rock and a stem.Copy !req
338. Look, look, look, you got your crack
right, right? Now, go smoke your shit,Copy !req
339. and get out of here.
We'll try not to fuck her upCopy !req
340. too bad for you, okay?
Bu but but, that wasn't the dealCopy !req
341. That's it. Now I'm going to have
to freak you.Copy !req
342. Stop that right now.Copy !req
343. Hey, hey Noxie. What's going on man?
You wanna help us beat up the retardedCopy !req
344. guy?
Or you, hey you wanna help us rape her?Copy !req
345. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
346. Didn't you learn your lesson last time
I Disemboweled you, shoved your headCopy !req
347. up your ass, and killed you
with your own diaper?Copy !req
348. What? What? Huh?Copy !req
349. Guess not.Copy !req
350. Sweetie, are you okay?Copy !req
351. The bad boys were trying to touch me.
Bad boys, bad boys.Copy !req
352. They're gone now, everything is okay.
Keep calm you sweetie and honey.Copy !req
353. What's your name little girl?Copy !req
354. Sweetie Honey.Copy !req
355. Uh, okay. Do you know where you live?
We gotta get you home.Copy !req
356. I tried but, my home was gone. 1122
Maplegrove Rd. Tromaville, New Jersey.Copy !req
357. Just like Grandma said,
and it was gone.Copy !req
358. And you? What the heck were you doing?Copy !req
359. Looking for a crack pipe.
What did it look like I was doing?Copy !req
360. It looked like you were selling
Sweetie Honey for drugs!Copy !req
361. And it looks like I saved you
from a severe beating.Copy !req
362. What are you doing here,
and where is your home?Copy !req
363. Man, I don't have a home. I am a loner.
And Sweetie's house is gone,Copy !req
364. just like she said.Copy !req
365. That is ridiculous.
Come on, Sweetie Honey.Copy !req
366. See kids, here's the dump, right where
I said it would be.Copy !req
367. Now we'll go in my shack
and call your parents.Copy !req
368. Parents? No parents, mom and dad died
and then Auntie Em took me in,Copy !req
369. but Auntie Em hit me too much so then
nice lady took me to grandma.Copy !req
370. Well, we'll call whoever, and Sarah
will make you some lunch, andCopy !req
371. Where's my shack? It was right here.Copy !req
372. See? I told you.Copy !req
373. I don't think we're in Tromaville
anymore Toto.Copy !req
374. Tito, my name is Tito.Copy !req
375. Whatever.Copy !req
376. What are you going to do now,
Mr. Kingshit?Copy !req
377. I don't know. I really don't know.Copy !req
378. I'm hungry. You said that I was
going to have lunch.Copy !req
379. I'm really really hungry.Copy !req
380. You want lunch too?Copy !req
381. No, see I am a junkie, so I
don't have to eat. But boy am I thirsty,Copy !req
382. do you have any whiskey or any booze?Copy !req
383. Here you go kids, something to eat
and drink.Copy !req
384. Eww, gross. This whiskey tastes
like pregnant lady's piss.Copy !req
385. What kind of sandwich is this?Copy !req
386. Congratulations Sorry you're pregnant.
You know, I don't know why onCopy !req
387. the commercials, they say these
pregnancy tests are hard to read,Copy !req
388. this seems pretty clear to me.
Oh my gosh, we did it! I'm gonnaCopy !req
389. A daddy?Copy !req
390. Yeah, I made a baby.Copy !req
391. Baby!Copy !req
392. YeahCopy !req
393. I love babies.Copy !req
394. Yes! Yes! Ha ha ha!Copy !req
395. Wait a second, wait a secondCopy !req
396. I gotta find Sarah.Copy !req
397. I gotta find out how to get home.
I gotta do something.Copy !req
398. You gotta get me lunch.Copy !req
399. Okay. I'm gonna figure out how
to get us home,Copy !req
400. I'm gonna get you some lunch.Copy !req
401. And uh.
Lunch.Copy !req
402. and you two stay here.
Stay here?Copy !req
403. Stay here.
Here?Copy !req
404. Yeah, it's a lot safer here.Copy !req
405. It's dangerous and unpredictable
out there.Copy !req
406. So just stay here and I'll be back for
you just as soon as I can, okay? Bye.Copy !req
407. Stay here, stay here, stay here.Copy !req
408. Who does the Toxic Avenger think he is?
My parents? Fuck this place man,Copy !req
409. I'm out of here.Copy !req
410. No! Tito, you can't go. Toxie said
to stay here. He's over there,Copy !req
411. and you're over there and we have
to stay here. Tito, no,Copy !req
412. cause I don't want to be alone.
Cause Toxies goin' over there,Copy !req
413. and you're goin' over there
and I have to stay hereCopy !req
414. and mommy and daddy ran away,Copy !req
415. and Auntie Em was really mean,
and Uncle Bobby was really mean andCopy !req
416. I don't want to be alone! Tito
I don't want to be alone!Copy !req
417. Tito come back! Come back!Copy !req
418. Okay, Okay.Copy !req
419. Okay. You are giving me
a stomachache in my brain.Copy !req
420. if you don't want to be a lonesome
you have to come with meCopy !req
421. but I am in charge
I make choices out here.Copy !req
422. Kay.Copy !req
423. Let's go. I am in charge.Copy !req
424. Thanks Tito. Will you hold my hand.
No.Copy !req
425. That's okay. Please hold my hand.Copy !req
426. You know Toxie I used to think that
you were one of those namby pambyCopy !req
427. pussy-footin' mother fuckers.
You know one of those bleeding heartCopy !req
428. heroes that's always makin'
my job difficult.Copy !req
429. But you're actually a bad guy.
You're all right.Copy !req
430. Thanks.Copy !req
431. Uh oh. You better split Toxie.
This press conference is about you.Copy !req
432. I'll hang around and
see what the deal is,Copy !req
433. then we'll meet at your house later.
Go on.Copy !req
434. My place?
Go go go.Copy !req
435. Oh lick my balls. Mother fucker.
Jesus Fucking H. Christ. Fuck.Copy !req
436. I never trusted Toxie!
Yeah!Copy !req
437. I knew he was bad from day one!
Yeah!Copy !req
438. That's my husband you're talking about.
He loves you people!Copy !req
439. Bullshit! We all loved Chief Newman.
Face it! Toxie's gone mad!Copy !req
440. Yeah!Copy !req
441. Wait! Wait Everybody!Copy !req
442. Toxie saved me and my unborn child
from the bomb. Toxie's a hero!Copy !req
443. Hero's don't double amputate
police chiefsCopy !req
444. and hurl twelve-year-old children
into brick walls!Copy !req
445. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
446. Please. Please. Quiet down folks.
Let's get down to the Lord's work.Copy !req
447. We all saw the Toxic Avenger kill,
not only our beloved police chief,Copy !req
448. but innocent bystanders as well.Copy !req
449. So, we've got to bring him in.
For questioning!Copy !req
450. Not shot by some
vigilante citizens group.Copy !req
451. Fear not citizens!Copy !req
452. I have assembled the only team capable
of bringing him in.Copy !req
453. Super Heroes, united one and all,
to protect Tromaville.Copy !req
454. And I thank God for it.Copy !req
455. Now to introduce themCopy !req
456. first, please put your hands together
and give the clap to The Vibrator.Copy !req
457. Hhhhhhhhi!Copy !req
458. Yeah!Copy !req
459. Our next superhero protects creatures
of the ocean.Copy !req
460. Please give a warm Tromaville
welcome to Dolphin Man!Copy !req
461. Unfortunately, there's not much water
here so Dolphin Man is pretty useless.Copy !req
462. But, we have somebody stronger,
more powerful, much better looking.Copy !req
463. Who are they going to bring out next?
A cow that walks upright?Copy !req
464. Please welcome Mad Cowboy!Copy !req
465. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
466. Now, when rock super star
Mastur GCopy !req
467. and mild mannered
sex offender John BatorCopy !req
468. went into the same faulty elevatorCopy !req
469. little did they realize that they would
emerge as one manCopy !req
470. a man that could fight crime withCopy !req
471. shear repulsion and bad rhyming.Copy !req
472. Please give a warm welcome to combined
Mastur G and John BatorCopy !req
473. Masturbator!Copy !req
474. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the masturbator,
the freaky palm god.Copy !req
475. my egg nog. Look out
Here it comes, here it comes,Copy !req
476. it's comin' up Tromaville.
Yeah, ooh, ooh hoo. Here I go, yeah.Copy !req
477. And now, last but not least,
the man to beat the man,Copy !req
478. the creme De la cremeCopy !req
479. the greatest superhero of all
please welcome Sgt. Kabukiman NYPDCopy !req
480. Thank you mayor.
Thank you very much sir. Thank you.Copy !req
481. I just want to assure every citizen
of Tromaville thatCopy !req
482. Sgt Kabukiman, NYPD, can single-handedly...
that I can end Toxie's reign of terrorCopy !req
483. What a dumb-ass.Copy !req
484. Why, I could take him out with
my heat seeking chopsticks,Copy !req
485. or, or I could suffocate him with my
computerized 16 bite sushi,Copy !req
486. or burn him, burn him with my
pyro projectile parasols.Copy !req
487. I have many more to take him out, but
I don't think that will be necessary,Copy !req
488. Toxie will come in on his own.
He was just having a bad day.Copy !req
489. We all have bad days! You know,
maybe we don't go around rippingCopy !req
490. off the arms of the police chief, and
bash priests and cops in the heads withCopy !req
491. Thank you!Copy !req
492. He's probably bi-polar. Abraham
Lincoln was bi-polar and what did he do?Copy !req
493. He freed the slaves.Copy !req
494. So you see, if we just sit back, relax,Copy !req
495. everything will come to a
peaceful Kabuki conclusion.Copy !req
496. Thank you Kabukiman well as you can see
Tromaville is in very capable hands.Copy !req
497. This concludes our press conference.Copy !req
498. Now, the moment you've all been
waiting for= the puppet show.Copy !req
499. Fucking metal ball, fucking grass,
fucking street, fucking fence,Copy !req
500. fucking fat girl.Copy !req
501. Toxie? Toxie, I'm your biggest fan!Copy !req
502. That's great.Copy !req
503. Even a simple crack whore like me,
working her way through art school,Copy !req
504. can appreciate the finer aspects of you.Copy !req
505. Where is my house?Copy !req
506. Maybe we should follow the signs.Copy !req
507. Hmm, Toxie's ShackCopy !req
508. The plastique palace.Copy !req
509. That's me!Copy !req
510. That's just wrong.Copy !req
511. Stop!
Hold on!Copy !req
512. Oh shoot! There goes one of his arms.
Oh, poor baby.Copy !req
513. Oh yeah. Look at that. Oh, he gotCopy !req
514. He's a little bitty boy.Copy !req
515. You see that thing runnin' after us
with the mop?Copy !req
516. I don't know, man, but he sure is ugly!Copy !req
517. C'mon step on it, let's go!Copy !req
518. He's getting mighty close.Copy !req
519. Oh no, he's jumping into the back
of the car.Copy !req
520. Stop, you! Stop the car!Copy !req
521. What the good goddamn was that!
What're we gonna do?Copy !req
522. What're we gonna do?
Will you say something?Copy !req
523. Aaaah! I'm afraid, I'm afraid!Copy !req
524. Get away from me, please please,Copy !req
525. I was only kiddin'! Please, no,
don't attack me, please!Copy !req
526. Hey ugly, uglyCopy !req
527. come here!Copy !req
528. Gee, I'm really sorry you
lost your body.Copy !req
529. It's ok ugly hero, it hurts but
I've been through worse.Copy !req
530. You know a black man in America
gets used to having nobody behind him.Copy !req
531. I guess I just got nobody at allCopy !req
532. Hey, what are we gonna do about
that crazy ass white boy up there?Copy !req
533. Well, I know what we can do
with that mutha fucker.Copy !req
534. White power! White Power! White power!Copy !req
535. Hey boys I brought you a present.Copy !req
536. White Power!
Hey, don't you recognize me?Copy !req
537. White Power! White Power!
What you doin?Copy !req
538. That was fun. Thanks again for saving
my life super guy. Hey my name's Pompey.Copy !req
539. Pleased to meet you Pompey, I'm Toxie.
Sorry.Copy !req
540. Well here we are Pompey,Copy !req
541. the Plastique Palace.Copy !req
542. Oh yeah dude, you don't got to give me
the play by play,Copy !req
543. just get me my body back.Copy !req
544. Will do.Copy !req
545. Mr. Offender
Huh?Copy !req
546. Oh I thought you were inspecting
the hot dog factory today.Copy !req
547. It's not the penile implant, is it?Copy !req
548. No no no!Copy !req
549. I mean, um no! Everything's fine
with the uh penile implant.Copy !req
550. But will you fix my friend here?Copy !req
551. Oh hey, how ya doing there?Copy !req
552. Pretty ugly.Copy !req
553. I can hear that bitch!
Who you calling ugly?Copy !req
554. Get my fucking head out of this
bag here and just give meCopy !req
555. my body back alright?Copy !req
556. I think we can take care of it!Copy !req
557. Thanks!Copy !req
558. Is that what you do here? Give me a new
body. I mean build me one.Copy !req
559. Think you can give me one of those
bionic bodies or something like that.Copy !req
560. Get me a new body, alright?Copy !req
561. Hotdog parts.
Yes ma'am.Copy !req
562. You make a brother into a hotdog?
You lucky I ain't got my feet!Copy !req
563. I'd kick yo ass!Copy !req
564. I'm really hungry. I'm really hungry.
Ok Ok. You are so annoying!Copy !req
565. No wonder everybody hates
retarded people!Copy !req
566. I'm really hungry.
Hungry hung Ry hungry hungry hung Ry.Copy !req
567. Hey, lets go to the office and fuck!Copy !req
568. C'mon let's get you some hot dogs.Copy !req
569. Hot dogs! I really love hot dogs,
Hot dogs.Copy !req
570. Aaaah! Help me! Help me!Copy !req
571. So that's how they make hot dogs.
Gross.Copy !req
572. I'm never eating hot dogs again.Copy !req
573. Get me out of this bucket of body parts
and help me find my real body.Copy !req
574. Help me, oh my God!Copy !req
575. Hey, buddyCopy !req
576. can you spare some change
for an out of work particle physicist?Copy !req
577. Lardass?Copy !req
578. Lardass!Copy !req
579. Fuck you, Mr. Lumpyhead!Copy !req
580. I can't believe you're alive!
I thought you were dead.Copy !req
581. First of all, my name's not Lardass,Copy !req
582. it's Chester.
I resent the implication.Copy !req
583. Secondly, I wish I was dead.
Huh?Copy !req
584. I was a scientist, one of the
greatest in the world,Copy !req
585. and now I'm reduced to being
the greatest cocksucker in the world.Copy !req
586. Without my Claire, life is meaningless.Copy !req
587. Hey, that's my wife!Copy !req
588. Is that what you call her?Copy !req
589. So you're really not my Lardass?Copy !req
590. I'm not Lardass, I'm Chester!Copy !req
591. I'm just a common street whore
who happens to knowCopy !req
592. the key to inter-dimensional travel.Copy !req
593. Inter-dimensional travel?Copy !req
594. The ability to travel
between dimensions.Copy !req
595. And then my Claire was kidnapped,
by your goons, evil crime Lord.Copy !req
596. Then I just gave up the project,
gave up my life as I knew it.Copy !req
597. But what do you care? To you I'm just
a little piece of human shitCopy !req
598. another life shattered by your evil reign.Copy !req
599. Another story to tell your cronies
while sitting up in your mansionCopy !req
600. up there 4 blocks up on the right.Copy !req
601. What's the matter? My lips aren't sweet
enough for your toxic testicle nectar?Copy !req
602. Don't worry, Chester, I'll be back.Copy !req
603. Well when you come back
you'd better bring cash or pastriesCopy !req
604. or you're not gonna get to touch this ass.Copy !req
605. Melvin, is that you?
I heard what happened at school today.Copy !req
606. You can hear?Copy !req
607. Of course I can hear.Copy !req
608. I was so worried about you.Copy !req
609. After all, our soon to be baby
needs a daddy.Copy !req
610. And look at the little baby outfit
I made, there's even a little mop.Copy !req
611. Wait. You're pregnant?Copy !req
612. Well, yeah I'm pregnant.Copy !req
613. Melvin,Copy !req
614. your hands,Copy !req
615. they're so soft.Copy !req
616. Oooh, your manly chest,
it's not quite so manly anymore.Copy !req
617. Umm, I've been eating a lot of
melons lately.Copy !req
618. Oooh, Melvin! Somehow your wiener has
miraculously turned into a vagina.Copy !req
619. What's going on around here?Copy !req
620. Just relax.
Oooow!Copy !req
621. It's good for our relationship,Copy !req
622. it's good for the baby.Copy !req
623. Yeah, ok. Whooo!Copy !req
624. Yeah, it's good for the baby, baby.Copy !req
625. I don't know what Noxie
sees in this bitch, anyways.Copy !req
626. ass is so much sweeter than hers! Where is _Copy !req
627. Noxie, hey baby!Copy !req
628. Get off me, youCopy !req
629. Cock chugging masochist!Copy !req
630. Look you pervert, just get get off!Copy !req
631. Woo, ok, it's time for the rough stuff.
I'll be right over here, Noxie.Copy !req
632. Excuse me, madam.Copy !req
633. Claire, wake up, wake up, Claire.
Rise and shine, come on.Copy !req
634. Don't worry, we'll get you outta
here in a jiffy.Copy !req
635. Woah!Copy !req
636. Hey!Copy !req
637. Wait a second,Copy !req
638. you can see?Copy !req
639. Of course I can see, stupid.Copy !req
640. You're deaf?Copy !req
641. What is this, some kind joke?
Blast!Copy !req
642. I wish I took those sign language
classes at Tromaville Community College.Copy !req
643. Well, that's ok. I can read lips,
you dirty dumb dumb dumb ass!Copy !req
644. What's a matter? Why don't you
rape me rape me and beat me beat meCopy !req
645. like you usually do,
you fuckin' pervert!Copy !req
646. Fill my chocolate starfish
with your chunky, chunky dick snot.Copy !req
647. Come on, come and do it now.
Come and get it over with.Copy !req
648. No, no. Hold it, hold it,
you don't understand.Copy !req
649. Yeah. Oooooh, yeah.Copy !req
650. FieryCopy !req
651. It's explosive.Copy !req
652. Well ladies, now that you're
all warmed up,Copy !req
653. are your chocolate starfish ready
for my chunky dick snot?Copy !req
654. Oh my God,Copy !req
655. get that thing away from me!Copy !req
656. Where you going?Copy !req
657. Where did the lovely lady go?Copy !req
658. You're about to find out all the
answers to all your questions.Copy !req
659. Look, not that I can't,
but I'm married.Copy !req
660. Will you get off!Copy !req
661. I'm trying, damn it!Copy !req
662. Claire ClaireCopy !req
663. Look Claire, look, I know I may look
like that Noxie character,Copy !req
664. but I'm not him.
I'm totally different.Copy !req
665. What's a-matter, did I do
something wrong? Have I been a bad girl?Copy !req
666. I'll do anything you want.Copy !req
667. Just don't hurt me no more!Copy !req
668. Chester sent me.Copy !req
669. Chester?Copy !req
670. I'm your daddy now.Copy !req
671. I'm about to have your abortion.Copy !req
672. Better not be another
Jehovah's witness.Copy !req
673. Fuck off! Oh, it's you.Copy !req
674. Toxie, I've got a little proposition
for you.Copy !req
675. What say we take a little ride?Copy !req
676. Ok. Wait, can we stop for ice cream?Copy !req
677. Hey, hold it right there, Noxie!Copy !req
678. What's wrong with you man? You'reCopy !req
679. and now what? Takin' the sex slave
out for a romantic dinner?Copy !req
680. I don't know what's gotten
into you, but it's not right.Copy !req
681. Now why don't' you take that slut
back to the pit where she belongsCopy !req
682. and come with me.
We've got something to discuss.Copy !req
683. What the fuck!Copy !req
684. Well listen to this!Copy !req
685. Run Claire Run!Copy !req
686. I knew it.Copy !req
687. I knew something was wrong. You're not
the real Noxie after all, are you?Copy !req
688. That may be,Copy !req
689. but I know Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD
and you sir are no Sgt, Kabukiman NYPD.Copy !req
690. in his special piece
about lesbians titledCopy !req
691. Strappin' it on and getting
up over in there.Copy !req
692. Lord, Jesus, Mother Mary, you up there.
It's me, Mayor Goldberg of Tromaville.Copy !req
693. Rootin' around.Copy !req
694. Hey, I know where I'm gonna be at 11.
Hey, that's appointment TV!Copy !req
695. I really really need you. Lord,
I need a sign, just any sign,Copy !req
696. just to show me that you're here
for the people of Tromaville.Copy !req
697. Please Lord, just just any sign
just a sign. Please any sign.Copy !req
698. Oh well, thanks for taking the
time to listen.Copy !req
699. I feel better for asking.
Amen.Copy !req
700. Coming up at 11, Mayor Goldberg out
Toxie in.Copy !req
701. Toxie? Toxie?Copy !req
702. What? Who's there?Copy !req
703. Look, my name ain't Mister Head, man,Copy !req
704. it's Pompey.
Oh, Pompey, it's veryCopy !req
705. nice to meet you. My name is Tito.Copy !req
706. Yah how you doin', Tito?Copy !req
707. Pompey, lets make a deal.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
708. if you chew through my ropes,Copy !req
709. I won't let you become meat product, ok?Copy !req
710. Shit, that sounds like a plan to me,Copy !req
711. Tito. Come here.Copy !req
712. Chew, chew, Pompey! Chew like the wind!Copy !req
713. Chew Pompey, but hurry or else you'llCopy !req
714. become Pompey headcheese...Copy !req
715. Wha! Not headcheese, no!Copy !req
716. Almost... Alright, got itCopy !req
717. Come get me, get me.Copy !req
718. Fuck this man, I'm outta here.Copy !req
719. Me too! Me too! Help! Me too! Me too!Copy !req
720. Ok, ready, here we go.Copy !req
721. Wait Tito! Toxie needs help.Copy !req
722. No! No no no!Copy !req
723. What do I do?Copy !req
724. You big retarded pussy!Copy !req
725. You better get your ass over thereCopy !req
726. and help that retarded girl.Copy !req
727. You go girl! You hit him!Copy !req
728. Hit him again! He'll survive that.Copy !req
729. You get him, retarded girl.Copy !req
730. Work it out.Copy !req
731. Come, we gotta get out of here.Copy !req
732. Dead end. Dead end. Dead end.Copy !req
733. Toxie, we've got to go.Copy !req
734. Oh no, no no. What happened?Copy !req
735. Kabukiman's coming. We've got to go.Copy !req
736. Come on, let's go, let's go.
Jump, chickenshit. C'mon Let's go.Copy !req
737. I don't want to go I don't want to go.
GoCopy !req
738. Damn.Copy !req
739. Damn they're very slowly getting awayCopy !req
740. Oh Well, Fuck'em.Copy !req
741. Tromaville news on the march.Copy !req
742. Mayor Goldberg, Tromaville's liberalCopy !req
743. kubla khan, dead at 52.Copy !req
744. What is to become of Tromadu?Copy !req
745. Tromadu!Copy !req
746. What will happen to the statelyCopy !req
747. pleasure dome he built with theCopy !req
748. taxpayers money?Copy !req
749. Tromadu, where man and beast play,Copy !req
750. and women play with each other.Copy !req
751. Tromadu, haven to the artsyCopy !req
752. and to the fartsy,Copy !req
753. and who can forget theCopy !req
754. interpretive dancers?Copy !req
755. People are letting it all hang outCopy !req
756. at one of the famous TromaduCopy !req
757. grotto parties.Copy !req
758. Look here, it's the Toxic Avenger,Copy !req
759. Tromaville's newest mayor.Copy !req
760. Mr. Toxie, how did you find culturalCopy !req
761. conditions in Tromaville?Copy !req
762. With great difficulty.Copy !req
763. Hey Toxie, what do you make of thisCopy !req
764. easy on the eyes Jackson Pollack-esqueCopy !req
765. painting here?Copy !req
766. Oh,Copy !req
767. well I guess everyone's a critic.Copy !req
768. Look at these young lovers, enjoyingCopy !req
769. the bounteous pleasures at Tromadu.Copy !req
770. I could die in these breasts.Copy !req
771. Bullseye!
Cupid strikes again.Copy !req
772. And so does Toxie.Copy !req
773. That's what I call a facelift.
Looking good, Toxie.Copy !req
774. At Tromadu,
Toxie is always ahead in the polls,Copy !req
775. or a pole in the head.Copy !req
776. Whoopsie daisy.Copy !req
777. Uh oh, the party's over says Toxie.Copy !req
778. Wow. It looks like Toxie's
really tuckered out.Copy !req
779. Uh, What's that on your face, Toxie?
Nose blood.Copy !req
780. Toxie promises his first action
as mayor will be to killCopy !req
781. all those goofy superheroes,
especially Kabukiman.Copy !req
782. Oh my gosh, we're doomed.
We're doomed.Copy !req
783. We're gonna die.Copy !req
784. Wait, we getting all chicken, it's
about time we do some evil ass kickin'.Copy !req
785. That's really nice, Masturbator,Copy !req
786. but fuck that.
I'm not going to die, not in Jersey.Copy !req
787. Now I'm getting the hell out of here.
MOOOOOO!Copy !req
788. My God, I never thought of it
that way before.Copy !req
789. Now let's save Tromaville.Copy !req
790. Yeah!Copy !req
791. Go Mad Cowboy.
Go Dolphin Man.Copy !req
792. Go Masturbator. Speed it up Vibrator.Copy !req
793. I'm cominggggggg!Copy !req
794. That Kabuki-faggot ran away.Copy !req
795. I kicked his ass good.Copy !req
796. I guess that takesCopy !req
797. well I guess thatCopy !req
798. I guessCopy !req
799. I guess that takes care of that.Copy !req
800. I, Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD am a failure.
I suck.Copy !req
801. My arm is broken.Copy !req
802. My leg is all fucked up.Copy !req
803. And I gotta pee like a race horse.Copy !req
804. Where's the hospital?Copy !req
805. Aaaaww shite!Copy !req
806. This ain't no fuckin' hospital!Copy !req
807. It's not the fuckin hospital!Copy !req
808. Hey, ya got a pisser in here?Copy !req
809. Cause' I've gotta pee real bad.
Yes I do.Copy !req
810. Oh my Gosh,Copy !req
811. who could do such a thing
to a defenseless,Copy !req
812. beautiful,Copy !req
813. hot,
exceedingly attractive woman like that?Copy !req
814. I must,Copy !req
815. I must free her, yeah.Copy !req
816. Here I come, Kabukiman to the rescue.Copy !req
817. Hold on there damsel in distress.Copy !req
818. Your hero is about to arrive, to save.Copy !req
819. I'm here to rescue you.Copy !req
820. Just grab these knots.Copy !req
821. Undo these knots.Copy !req
822. This knot.Copy !req
823. This is not easy.Copy !req
824. Have a pie.Copy !req
825. See ya tomorrow?Copy !req
826. Alright, alright, who's next?Copy !req
827. Claire is that you?Copy !req
828. Oh Chester.Copy !req
829. Claire! I though you were dead!Copy !req
830. I was dead without your love.Copy !req
831. I dreamt of you every single night.Copy !req
832. the rape, the torture, the corn holing
that fucker Noxie put me through.Copy !req
833. Ohhhh.Copy !req
834. Oh my darling look what he
did to your face.Copy !req
835. That doesn't matter now.Copy !req
836. All that matters is that I'm hereCopy !req
837. with you.Copy !req
838. Oh Chester!Copy !req
839. Ooh Yea!Copy !req
840. Do you remember the cheese?Copy !req
841. I saved the cheese for you, Claire.Copy !req
842. I've been waiting so long to
cut the cheese for you, Claire.Copy !req
843. Oh Claire, I love you.Copy !req
844. You're pregnant!
Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
845. That's wonderful doctor!Copy !req
846. You're pregnant with two babies.Copy !req
847. Two babies!Copy !req
848. From what appears to be two
completely different fathers.Copy !req
849. And that's preposterous!Copy !req
850. That must beCopy !req
851. goodCopy !req
852. and evil.Copy !req
853. Right.Copy !req
854. Well what can I do about that doctor?Copy !req
855. Well I'm glad you asked that question.Copy !req
856. Nurse?Copy !req
857. Oh lovely, just like that. Thank you.Copy !req
858. What I have done is extracted the actual
fluid from the feti inside your body.Copy !req
859. This is the good fluid,
this is the evil fluid.Copy !req
860. You can tell because it's red.Copy !req
861. Now, inside your body you
have to make a choiceCopy !req
862. because these two right, they're
fighting, fighting, fighting.Copy !req
863. One will win, and eventually
this is what it will look like.Copy !req
864. That sizzles.Copy !req
865. That will be you.Copy !req
866. The choice is very simple
and clearly yours.Copy !req
867. Either A, you can choose to explode,
or B, you can choose to abort.Copy !req
868. Explode or abort.
What does one do?Copy !req
869. I'll have to think about that, doctor.Copy !req
870. Ponder not too long because actually
you only have about two or three hoursCopy !req
871. until this whole process takes place.Copy !req
872. Melvin, where are you!Copy !req
873. Doctor, don't you think it's time you
removed the thermometer from my behind?Copy !req
874. Well, let me check.Copy !req
875. Tromaville Abortion Clinic,
may I help you?Copy !req
876. I'm sorry but the doctor's
still in the topless bar,Copy !req
877. uh, I mean an appointment.Copy !req
878. Would you like his voicemail?Copy !req
879. Choose life or die!
Choose life or die!Copy !req
880. Choose life or die!
Choose life or die!Copy !req
881. Choose life or die!Copy !req
882. Woah, it sure is hot out here today.Copy !req
883. Hello?
Excuse me,Copy !req
884. is this the line for
the family planning?Copy !req
885. No?Copy !req
886. Burn in hell, abortion bitch!Copy !req
887. At least this sweet gentle rain
will cool things off today.Copy !req
888. Oh my goodness!Copy !req
889. Oh my goodness, sweetie, look at you!Copy !req
890. Quick we gotta get you in the wash ASAP.
Careful. We'll take good care of you.Copy !req
891. Well, I'm really only here
to weigh my options.Copy !req
892. Options? Oh we've got lots of options!Copy !req
893. Let's see, first we open up your
vagina with this speculum,Copy !req
894. and take this instrument,
a little sort of like a harpoon,Copy !req
895. and we can shove on in andCopy !req
896. Why, what's the matter, my dear?Copy !req
897. I think I'm going into labor.Copy !req
898. Oh my goodness, we better abort
in a hurry, Doctor Cassidy!Copy !req
899. What seems to be the problem,
Miss Scraper?Copy !req
900. This young lady needs to be
De-foetused, stat!Copy !req
901. Ah, an excellent choice, my dear.
And so much better for the children,Copy !req
902. I'm sure you'll agree.Copy !req
903. Now let's just take a tiny
little listen, ok?Copy !req
904. Whoa, my, my, that one is lively,
isn't it.Copy !req
905. That fuckin' speculum, I told you to
put the mother-fucker away!Copy !req
906. That speculum! I told you to put that speculum away!
I said: would you please put that speculum away.Copy !req
907. There's a case
for the speculum!Copy !req
908. Next.Copy !req
909. My anus!
My fuckin' butthole!Copy !req
910. Call a doctor!Copy !req
911. Tromaville Abortion Clinic,
may I help you?Copy !req
912. I'm sorry but the doctor just
died of rectal hemorrhaging.Copy !req
913. Would you like his voicemail?Copy !req
914. It's alright, it's ok.Copy !req
915. It's ok Toxie.Copy !req
916. Look! I told you he'd be here!Copy !req
917. Claire says that she knew
you'd be here, in this dump!Copy !req
918. It's the only place I know.Copy !req
919. We'd like to thank you again,
for bringing us back together.Copy !req
920. Yes, thank you.Copy !req
921. So come on, let's get you out of here.Copy !req
922. What's the point?Copy !req
923. I mean I belong here in the dump with
the garbage and the rotting food.Copy !req
924. You seem to have forgotten something.Copy !req
925. I'm a physicist. When I said I was
gonna get you out of here,Copy !req
926. I meant this dimension!Copy !req
927. Dimension.Copy !req
928. Come on.Copy !req
929. Come on.Copy !req
930. Let's go.
We GoCopy !req
931. A scientific comrade of mine was
recently killed in a freak accident,Copy !req
932. and he bequeathed me his
entire laboratory, and all of his insane
theories about inter-dimensional travel.Copy !req
933. Travel.Copy !req
934. I hope you don't mind the mess.Copy !req
935. Um, no, I didn't even notice it.Copy !req
936. Now let's get you back to Tromaville.Copy !req
937. I think I've got it, Toxie.Copy !req
938. I've found the key to
inter-dimensional travelCopy !req
939. in this seldom read scientific tome.Copy !req
940. Please tell me it doesn't
involve explodingCopy !req
941. a school full of special children.Copy !req
942. No, it's much simpler.Copy !req
943. You see Toxie, You've had the power
to go home this whole time.Copy !req
944. These will help you find your way.Copy !req
945. Oy gevalt.Copy !req
946. Ooooh.Copy !req
947. The operating procedures
are quite simple.Copy !req
948. All you have to do is think of home
and click your heels three times.Copy !req
949. You may have to try this
more than once.Copy !req
950. Inter-dimensional travel is not
an exact science.Copy !req
951. You might find yourself in Heaven.Copy !req
952. Or you might find yourself on a
1910's gay porno set.Copy !req
953. Ready?Copy !req
954. Upsy daisy.Copy !req
955. Come on, Tito.
Come on, Tito, hop up.Copy !req
956. I'm not going.Copy !req
957. What do you mean you're not going?Copy !req
958. Tito, come on, we've got to go
back toCopy !req
959. We don't belong here.Copy !req
960. I don't belong anywhere.Copy !req
961. But as long as there are people
like evil mabuki pagoopCopy !req
962. Kabukiman running around, I must stay
and protect the citizens of Amortville.Copy !req
963. I have become the Retarded Revenger!Copy !req
964. Don't forget about your sidekick, Pompey,Copy !req
965. the baddest bodyless mother-fucker
in all of Amortville.Copy !req
966. I want you to have this,
in memory of Lardass.Copy !req
967. Actually, Tito, you've already
made me proud.Copy !req
968. My manCopy !req
969. I will miss you,Copy !req
970. Toxic Avenger.Copy !req
971. I'll miss you too, Tito.Copy !req
972. Yeah,
can I have my blanket?Copy !req
973. Ready?Copy !req
974. There's no place like Tromaville.
There's no place like Tromaville.Copy !req
975. There's no place like Tromaville.Copy !req
976. Uh Oh What's
What the What theCopy !req
977. Owch Ow Ooh!
I never feltCopy !req
978. Cut!Copy !req
979. Alfred JonesCopy !req
980. LeukemiaCopy !req
981. Jeffrey SmithCopy !req
982. AlcoholismCopy !req
983. Bill GullowCopy !req
984. PolioCopy !req
985. God, I kinda think they invented
a cure for that one.Copy !req
986. Goddammit! Well that's alright.Copy !req
987. Every time they come up with a cure
for one disease,Copy !req
988. I come up with something
even more deadly!Copy !req
989. AIDS. Now that was a good one!Copy !req
990. AIDS!Copy !req
991. God?
Yeah, what do you want?Copy !req
992. We just wanna go home.Copy !req
993. You bastard!
What do you wanna go home for!Copy !req
994. This is Heaven!
This is the best place around!Copy !req
995. Ok.Copy !req
996. God, I think this is the
Toxic Avenger, he's from Tromaville.Copy !req
997. Alright, you can go back to Tromaville,Copy !req
998. but you gotta do me two favors!
Uh-huh.Copy !req
999. First you gotta kick the asses
of all the murderers and child rapists!Copy !req
1000. Yeah.Copy !req
1001. And, you tell the pope, stop talking
about me, he doesn't know me.Copy !req
1002. He's an asshole and tell him
his hat looks fucking stupid.Copy !req
1003. Uh, yes sir
Get outta here.Copy !req
1004. Alright God! You're awesome!Copy !req
1005. All those other super human heroes
would've died anyways.Copy !req
1006. Now I've got Toxie's shack,Copy !req
1007. we're drinkin' we got some bimbos
on the way, it's all good.Copy !req
1008. There's no place like Tromaville.
There's no place like Tromaville.Copy !req
1009. Noxie he's gonna kill.
Oh what do I do?Copy !req
1010. I just had the weirdest dream!
And Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD you were there.Copy !req
1011. Except you were evil
and you kicked my ass.Copy !req
1012. And you!Copy !req
1013. You weren't there.Copy !req
1014. And you!Copy !req
1015. You weren't there either.Copy !req
1016. Who are you guys? What're you
doing in my shack?Copy !req
1017. Don't hurt me.Copy !req
1018. Kabuk, where's Sarah? What's going on?
What happened to you?Copy !req
1019. Toxie?Copy !req
1020. Toxie is that really you?
Is that the real you?Copy !req
1021. Yeah it's me.Copy !req
1022. Oh thank God,Copy !req
1023. Hey you've gotta stop yourself,
the evil version of you.Copy !req
1024. You've gone power mad.Copy !req
1025. The evil version of me?Copy !req
1026. Sweetie Honey!Copy !req
1027. Then it wasn't a dream!Copy !req
1028. Where's Sarah?Copy !req
1029. I saw her at the hospital.Copy !req
1030. She's been kidnapped by the evil
Toxic Avenger, the evil you, andCopy !req
1031. Wait, you don't wanna go in there.
It's all sealed up tight nowCopy !req
1032. and they got a shit load of guards
and they all know kung fu andCopy !req
1033. Ok, ok.Copy !req
1034. We've got to get the other heroes
of Tromaville and storm the hospital!Copy !req
1035. They're all dead.Copy !req
1036. All of them?
Yep.Copy !req
1037. Even Dolphin Man?Copy !req
1038. Oh yeah.Copy !req
1039. Alright, well then it's
up to the two of us.Copy !req
1040. C'mon, let's go.Copy !req
1041. Ok, I'll catch up with ya.
I'll be right there. Just gonnaCopy !req
1042. What's your name?Copy !req
1043. Sweetie Honey.
I'm a big girl too.Copy !req
1044. Oh yes you are, Here would you
like a drink?Copy !req
1045. Yes, fight my son, Fight!Copy !req
1046. How long!Copy !req
1047. I'm not sure.Copy !req
1048. Very well. If you need me I'll be
in the snack bar having nachos.Copy !req
1049. Kazinsky, we may have a problem.Copy !req
1050. What is it?
I'm due for my nose job.Copy !req
1051. I think Toxie's good again!Copy !req
1052. What misfortune.Copy !req
1053. Toxie, come in! Videhauffer says
you've turned good again!Copy !req
1054. What the hell is that?Copy !req
1055. Go check it out.Copy !req
1056. And make sure whatever he's talking
about doesn't make it to this floor!Copy !req
1057. I've gotta find Sarah!Copy !req
1058. if there only were a giant map
like they have at the mall.Copy !req
1059. Tromaville Hospital!Copy !req
1060. Oh helloCopy !req
1061. let's see, I'm in hereCopy !req
1062. and Noxie is hereCopy !req
1063. and uh let's see hereCopy !req
1064. armed guards that want
to kill me are here.Copy !req
1065. Oh No! Now I've got AIDS!Copy !req
1066. I've got to get out of here.Copy !req
1067. I've got to get out of here.Copy !req
1068. Toxie.Copy !req
1069. You blew up a school filled
with special children.Copy !req
1070. What's inside your head?Copy !req
1071. Let's find out shall we?Copy !req
1072. No, Toxie, no!Copy !req
1073. Sarah!Copy !req
1074. Sarah!Copy !req
1075. Yeah, I fucked her.Copy !req
1076. No.Copy !req
1077. Not only am I gonna kill you,
I'm gonna rape your virgin ass first.Copy !req
1078. No!Copy !req
1079. I don't have to fill my body
with plastics and silicone!Copy !req
1080. My eye is real!Copy !req
1081. Doink!Copy !req
1082. My dick is real!Copy !req
1083. And my colon is real
and my large intestine is real.Copy !req
1084. And my pancreas is real!Copy !req
1085. And my duodenal ulcer is real!Copy !req
1086. Most importantlyCopy !req
1087. so is my heart.Copy !req
1088. Stewy?Copy !req
1089. Bozo?Copy !req
1090. Melvin?Copy !req
1091. Melvin?Copy !req
1092. I'm you.Copy !req
1093. I'm you.Copy !req
1094. Gimme a hug!
Oh Melvin.Copy !req
1095. Oh you're beautiful.Copy !req
1096. Sorry sorry sorry sorry.Copy !req
1097. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1098. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
1099. That's what's wrong with me.
I'm from the other side.Copy !req
1100. Don't you know that?Copy !req
1101. Gimme some!
No.Copy !req
1102. That's it.Copy !req
1103. I'll be back, mother-fucker!
If there's a sequelCopy !req
1104. I'll be back!Copy !req
1105. Sarah, it's ok honey, I'm here.Copy !req
1106. Oh Melvin, I'm so glad you're back.Copy !req
1107. Doctors!Copy !req
1108. ls there a doctor in the house?Copy !req
1109. Anyone, someone?Copy !req
1110. Oh my GodCopy !req
1111. she's hemorrhaging!Copy !req
1112. No no, this is just dick tissue.Copy !req
1113. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
1114. Baby?Copy !req
1115. Tonight at 11, bad Toxie goes out
good Toxie in.Copy !req
1116. And congratulations Toxie,
we heard it's a boy.Copy !req
1117. Hey, all right.
Also at 11Copy !req
1118. our very own Josh LevinskyCopy !req
1119. will be taking some of our local
super heroes shopping for tights.Copy !req
1120. He's a beautiful, big,
bouncing baby boy!Copy !req
1121. Sixty pounds and four ounces.Copy !req
1122. Oh, he is beautiful.Copy !req
1123. He looks just like you!Copy !req
1124. Toxie.
Oh, hey Ms. Wiener.Copy !req
1125. I just really wanted to thank you
for saving me and my beautiful babyCopy !req
1126. Laqueesha.Copy !req
1127. She looks just like her mother.Copy !req
1128. And I've also brought the special
students in to thank you, too.Copy !req
1129. Come on in kids.Copy !req
1130. Hey Sweetie.Copy !req
1131. ToxieCopy !req
1132. we made this award for you
cause you're an alumnusCopy !req
1133. of the Tromaville School
for the Very SpecialCopy !req
1134. and you're very special.Copy !req
1135. Wow. Thanks kids.Copy !req
1136. And Toxie, I want you to have
the blanky for the baby,Copy !req
1137. cause I'm a very big girl now
and I don't need it.Copy !req
1138. Are you sure?Copy !req
1139. Just ask Sgt. Kabukiman.Copy !req
1140. Hey hey hey!Copy !req
1141. Hey! Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD,
my best friend.Copy !req
1142. How ya feelin'?Copy !req
1143. Not too bad.Copy !req
1144. Doctors say my arm and leg should
be healed in a couple of weeks.Copy !req
1145. I just can't wait to get the
stitches removed from my anus.Copy !req
1146. Anus anus anus anus anus anus!Copy !req
1147. Knock knock.Copy !req
1148. Pompey, you got a new body,
you're just not a head anymore.Copy !req
1149. Buddy I don't know who Pompey is, but you gonna
talk about bodies now you got some body on you!Copy !req
1150. Now we could talk about head
and all that stuff later,Copy !req
1151. but are you ready to meet your
other new child?Copy !req
1152. Wait a minute, another child?Copy !req
1153. The evil baby!Copy !req
1154. I think a child is as much a product
of his environment as anything.Copy !req
1155. And I think we have enough love to
raise any kid as a good kid.Copy !req
1156. Well, if you think so, Melvin.Copy !req
1157. Yeah, a real American family
for the new millennium.Copy !req
1158. Awesome!Copy !req
1159. Now let's take a peek.Copy !req
1160. What?Copy !req
1161. What?Copy !req
1162. Hey, cute kid.Copy !req
1163. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1164. Toxie, Toxie, I can explain.Copy !req
1165. I was drunk, she was tied down.Copy !req
1166. I forgot to zip up.Copy !req
1167. Alright, later.Copy !req
1168. Due to the depletion of the ozone layerCopy !req
1169. and the careless dumping of
hazardous nuclear wasteCopy !req
1170. thousands of people
find themselves trappedCopy !req
1171. in an evil parallel universe every year
and the numbers are rising.Copy !req
1172. This film is respectfully dedicated
to those who have lost their livesCopy !req
1173. facing down their own
evil doppelgangers.Copy !req
1174. So if you find yourself thrust into an
alternate reality look to the horizonCopy !req
1175. One hideously deformed creature of
superhuman size and strengthCopy !req
1176. will be there.Copy !req
1177. Yes dear reader he'll be there.
He's the Toxic Avenger.Copy !req
1178. And please don't forget to recycle
your bottles and cans.Copy !req
1179. This just in Jesus out, Satan in.Copy !req
1180. And I for one worship the dark lord.
Really?Copy !req
1181. Yeah I do,Copy !req
1182. You guys get together
and have worship?Copy !req
1183. We do. Actually this Sunday we're
having a calf slaughteringCopy !req
1184. at the ninety second street Y,Copy !req
1185. and our very own Josh Levinsky
will be running a cake walkCopy !req
1186. and then we're going to sacrifice him.Copy !req
1187. Really?
Yeah.Copy !req
1188. That's amazing.Copy !req