1. Fifteen years ago in Tromaville,Copy !req
2. New Jersey, the Toxic Chemical
Capital of the world,Copy !req
3. little mop boy, Melvin Fyrd,
a 98-pound weakling,Copy !req
4. was teased, taunted,
and other bad stuff,Copy !req
5. until he fell into a barrel
of toxic chemical wasteCopy !req
6. transforming him into a hideously
deformed creatureCopy !req
7. of superhuman size and strength.Copy !req
8. Melvin became the Toxic Avenger,
the first superhero from New Jersey!Copy !req
9. Then two rotten sequels
were made, sorry about that.Copy !req
10. This is the real sequel.Copy !req
11. Good morning to the celebration of
the -Take-a-Mexican-to-Lunch-Day.Copy !req
12. The cafeteria will be serving tacos.Copy !req
13. Okay, kids.
Today we're going to celebrateCopy !req
14. our special friends
below the border.Copy !req
15. We are going to celebrate
- Take-a-Mexican-to-Lunch.Copy !req
16. - Can we say that?
- Take a Mexican to Lunch.Copy !req
17. Very, very good.Copy !req
18. Now that's where the hard working
Mexicans take naps during the day.Copy !req
19. Just like us?Copy !req
20. Just like us. Exactly like us.Copy !req
21. Can anyone tell me...Copy !req
22. - Tito!
- Baby...Copy !req
23. What you're doing?Copy !req
24. Listen, bitch,
just because I'm a tardCopy !req
25. doesn't mean that you have to treat
me like one.Copy !req
26. But because I'm "special", I don't
think I'm ever going to get laid,Copy !req
27. so why can't I masturbate?Copy !req
28. Tito!Copy !req
29. Okay, kids. Now do you know
what you're eating?Copy !req
30. Tacos.Copy !req
31. That's right, tacos.
Can you say tacos?Copy !req
32. Tacos.Copy !req
33. All right you fucking retards drop
your brain out!Copy !req
34. Mammy!Copy !req
35. Fuck this man, I'm outta here.Copy !req
36. What on earth do you think
you're doing, young man?Copy !req
37. I'm trying to teach a class here.Copy !req
38. What kind of man are you?Copy !req
39. This kind.Copy !req
40. We interrupt our coverageCopy !req
41. of the Smithville home
for the elderly massacre to bring youCopy !req
42. this very special report.
Thank you.Copy !req
43. Well, folks. It looks like we've got
another school massacre situation.Copy !req
44. You take this one.
I did the last three.Copy !req
45. The terrorist group in question,Copy !req
46. the Diaper Mafia,Copy !req
47. has taken the Tromaville School
for the very special hostage.Copy !req
48. We're going to go live now toCopy !req
49. the Tromaville School
for the Very Special...Copy !req
50. where our correspondent Cindy Tata
is already questioningCopy !req
51. Tromaville police chief Newman
about this very subject.Copy !req
52. Stick with us after the break
where our very own Josh LevinskyCopy !req
53. will share someCopy !req
54. of those mouth-watering recipes
for butternut squash. - I like that.Copy !req
55. That's good.Copy !req
56. Like a living Martha Stewart.
But isn't she still alive?Copy !req
57. Nigga, please.Copy !req
58. Chief Newman,
what caused the Diaper MafiaCopy !req
59. to commit horrible
acts of violence? - No comment.Copy !req
60. I can't believe this is happening
in Tromaville.Copy !req
61. You ask me. These Diaper Mafia punks
are doing a favour.Copy !req
62. What is the use of sending these
retards to school in the first place?Copy !req
63. All right, Tex,
time to kill another one.Copy !req
64. Yes, Daddy.Copy !req
65. Chief Newman, the Diaper Mafia
has said they will executeCopy !req
66. a special student every half hour
until their demands have been met.Copy !req
67. - Really? - Yet it's been
at least 35 minutes since...Copy !req
68. Never mind.Copy !req
69. That's a damn shame
it had to happenCopy !req
70. on -Take-a-Mexican-to-Lunch
and all!Copy !req
71. You hear that, pigs,
you hear that?Copy !req
72. You hear that, hear that, hear that?Copy !req
73. A tard dies every five minutes
until the Really Real Bikini TV CrewCopy !req
74. arrives. You got that?
- Got that? Got that?Copy !req
75. I'm working on it. Please,
don't shoot any more of those tards.Copy !req
76. I mean those special kids.Copy !req
77. Fuck the fucking tards! I'm sick and
tired of their drooling and whining!Copy !req
78. Now why is it when I shit my pants,
it's a fucking social faux pas?Copy !req
79. But when a tard shits his pants,Copy !req
80. a good-looking nurse wipes his ass
for him?Copy !req
81. She's got breasts on her ass.Copy !req
82. Tex, Tex, Tex, check it out!Copy !req
83. Pregger... pi-ata!Copy !req
84. Hey, hey, you've got your head
up your ass!Copy !req
85. Fuck you!Copy !req
86. That's what separates us from the
pussies like the Trenchcoat Mafia,Copy !req
87. the Flat Top Mafia
and the No-Pants Mafia.Copy !req
88. Didn't you hear what Kazinski said?Copy !req
89. Fucking tard!
Gun.Copy !req
90. Noooo!Copy !req
91. Mayor Goldberg, how do you feel about
the five very special peopleCopy !req
92. who are dead? - Try not to harp
about the five that are dead.Copy !req
93. Think about the students that are
still living, still breathingCopy !req
94. and let's pray for an end to all this
murder and mayhem and garbage.Copy !req
95. Let's pray.Copy !req
96. Get off the phone!Copy !req
97. Later.Copy !req
98. Let's pray, goddammit!
You too.Copy !req
99. Oh Lord, in your divine wisdom,
please find it in your heartCopy !req
100. to put an end to this murder
and filth and trash and garbage.Copy !req
101. And please help us to get
re-elected one more time ok?Copy !req
102. Thank you very much God and amen.Copy !req
103. Amen.Copy !req
104. Dye-a-nu.Copy !req
105. Thank God you're here.
What took you so long?Copy !req
106. - I had to change. It takes a while.
- Yeah, ok.Copy !req
107. Kids, hold on all. I've got
the Really Real Bikini TV crew here.Copy !req
108. The Diaper Mafia'demands
have not yet been issued and yetCopy !req
109. speculation has already begun
as to the motivationCopy !req
110. behind the senseless attackCopy !req
111. on the mentally feeble student body.
What do you think, Nick?Copy !req
112. I'm gonna have to go with heavy
metal music on this one, Jason.Copy !req
113. Interesting!
But what about thatCopy !req
114. best selling video game "Kill All
the Retards"? - Could be a factor.Copy !req
115. But we cannot forget about the rap
music. Very popular with the kids.Copy !req
116. I personally am not a fan
of rap music.Copy !req
117. I think you could put a c in front
of rap and call it you-know-what.Copy !req
118. - I don't think you should go that
far. - Not a fan.Copy !req
119. All right, I think you've
established that.Copy !req
120. You know I think the worst part is
that we'll never know.Copy !req
121. But that won't stop me from
casting my final vote.Copy !req
122. Violence in the movies.Copy !req
123. - Certainly couldn't be violence
in the news. - Oh God no.Copy !req
124. I mean we may broadcast death and
tragedy andCopy !req
125. I think you'll back me up on this.
- I will back you up.Copy !req
126. We would never glorify it.Copy !req
127. You like that, don't you retard?Copy !req
128. Hello, Tex, Samantha Chambers,
Really Real Bikini TV.Copy !req
129. This is my morbidly obese sidekick.Copy !req
130. I mean, cameraman, Joe.Copy !req
131. Well, Samantha, looks like I won't
have to frisk you for weapons.Copy !req
132. Shut up! Listen, lady, I didn't call
you in here to fuck you.Copy !req
133. I called you in here because
the Really Real Bikini TV show isCopy !req
134. the number one show in America.Copy !req
135. Now tell Daddy there
to turn on the camera.Copy !req
136. - I'm gonna show you something.
- Okay.Copy !req
137. You see this bitch right here?Copy !req
138. Wasting perfectly good tax dollars
trying to "teach" the un-teachable.Copy !req
139. And if there's one thing the Diaper
Mafia hates more than RETARDS,Copy !req
140. it's genetic traitors.Copy !req
141. Now, I'm gonna show you what we do
to bitches like that.Copy !req
142. Toxie!Copy !req
143. Oh, my God! The Toxic Avenger,Copy !req
144. Tromaville's favorite hero
of superhuman size and strength.Copy !req
145. If that's the Toxic Avenger, where's
his ward and sidekick Fatass?Copy !req
146. It's Lardass, punk!Copy !req
147. Let's fight.Copy !req
148. On guard!Copy !req
149. Toxie's got his head up his ass.Copy !req
150. I've got my head up my ass.Copy !req
151. Children, duck! Duck!Copy !req
152. No, no, no, no!Copy !req
153. Toxie!Copy !req
154. Noooo!Copy !req
155. All the retards, Toxie!Copy !req
156. Oh, the humanity!Copy !req
157. Go get him, Toxie!Copy !req
158. You can't kill me, Toxie.Copy !req
159. You see this exploding timing
device on my chest?Copy !req
160. That bomb over there in the corner?Copy !req
161. - Kiss your school goodbye.
- Oh my God!Copy !req
162. Five seconds after my heart stops
this school is nothingCopy !req
163. but dead tards and charred lard.Copy !req
164. That's right! Kazinski said
you'd be here. That's right!Copy !req
165. Sergeant Theodore Kazinski,
Tromaville ATF.Copy !req
166. Where do you think I got all these
guns in the first place anyway?Copy !req
167. He understands this world is full of
unthinking cattle that need to be ledCopy !req
168. into the new millennium
with a new order.Copy !req
169. And the first step in the process is
to eliminate all these retardedCopy !req
170. and genetically mutated freaks
and shit!Copy !req
171. That wasn't a nice thing to say.Copy !req
172. Excuse me, Miss Wiener.Copy !req
173. - Toxie, you were always
my best student. - Thanks!Copy !req
174. No, Toxie! Don't let your Tromatons
control you!Copy !req
175. Tromatons?Copy !req
176. Think, Toxie. If his heart stops,
the bomb'll go off!Copy !req
177. Put it back in!Copy !req
178. Ah there you go, good as new.Copy !req
179. Oh darn it.Copy !req
180. Come on, Toxie.
Let's get these kids out of here.Copy !req
181. This building's about to explode!Copy !req
182. This bomb is now armed.
Detonation in T minus 5 seconds.Copy !req
183. This would be easier if I had a mop.Copy !req
184. T minus 5 seconds.Copy !req
185. These drugs are gonna blow
my ass off.Copy !req
186. Whoa. What the...?Copy !req
187. Didn't your special helper tell you
that drugs are bad for you?Copy !req
188. Fuck off super zero!Copy !req
189. I'm just trying to act
like all the other cool cats my age.Copy !req
190. What's the deal, Tox?Copy !req
191. Well the deal is, I just can't
standby and watch you kill yourself.Copy !req
192. I'm not killing myself,
drugs kill my pain.Copy !req
193. - Being a teenager sucks.
- Well.Copy !req
194. Being a retarded teenager
sucks worse.Copy !req
195. - Drugs make it suck less.
- You're pretty articulateCopy !req
196. for a draggie special student.
- What's articulatit?Copy !req
197. Come on!Copy !req
198. T minus 4 seconds.Copy !req
199. Toxie, bear up!Copy !req
200. No, Toxie! Church and state
must remain separated!Copy !req
201. Holy cow! Lardass, I have to go
impregnate my wife. It's time.Copy !req
202. Action sausage nunchuks.
Deli stile!Copy !req
203. T minus 3 seconds.Copy !req
204. Toxie, hurry! Do you feel
what time it is?Copy !req
205. Oh Toxie, in my blind eyesCopy !req
206. you are the most beautiful man
in the world.Copy !req
207. 3 seconds.Copy !req
208. I can't believe, it's not butter!Copy !req
209. You know. I have a good feeling
about the sex we had just now.Copy !req
210. I really think you got pregnant.
Oh! What time is it?Copy !req
211. Melvin, what's gotten into you?Copy !req
212. I know, you're really excited about
the results of the pregnancy test,Copy !req
213. aren't you?Copy !req
214. Yeah. That's it, Sarah.Copy !req
215. No. I gotta get back to the school,
the special kids are in trouble.Copy !req
216. What am I to you anymore Melvin?
I feel like a giant ovaryCopy !req
217. with a hundred and ten pounds
of flesh attached.Copy !req
218. - God!
- Sarah, what are you saying?Copy !req
219. That's not what it is at all.
I love you.Copy !req
220. Well I just can't seem to understandCopy !req
221. why Lardass can't do some of the
crime fighting by himself sometime.Copy !req
222. I know, Lardass is all grown up now,
but when I made him my wardCopy !req
223. all those years ago,
I promised him we'd be partners.Copy !req
224. I know he's a big boy now,
a really, really big boy now,Copy !req
225. but he's just not ready to defend
Tromaville on his own.Copy !req
226. You go to your Lardass!Copy !req
227. Maybe he'll have your baby for ya.Copy !req
228. - I love you, Sarah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
229. Toxie's here!Copy !req
230. Sgt. Kabukiman, N.Y.P.D.Copy !req
231. Why aren't you in there helping
the Toxic Avenger?Copy !req
232. I'm a New York City police officer.
This is not my jurisdiction.Copy !req
233. Besides Toxie suggested I stay out
here and stake out the areaCopy !req
234. because I can guard everyone out here
with my amazing oriental super powersCopy !req
235. So everyone should be safe outside
with me here behind this fence.Copy !req
236. I think you should actually come
in here.Copy !req
237. T minus 2 seconds.Copy !req
238. Toxie, Toxie!
The bomb is about to go off!Copy !req
239. T minus 1 second.Copy !req
240. Thank heavens
for my peanut butter.Copy !req
241. Come on, kids. Let's go.
We have no time to waste!Copy !req
242. We've got to evacuate the building.Copy !req
243. You're dead?Copy !req
244. Come on! You're dead.Copy !req
245. - Let's get out of here!
- T minus 0 seconds.Copy !req
246. The bomb will now blow up.
Thank you for shopping at Kmart.Copy !req
247. Lardass, what are you doing?
We've got to get out of here!Copy !req
248. No, Melvin, there's no time!Copy !req
249. There are too many people in the
building, we'll never get them out.Copy !req
250. Lardass, no! Don't eat the bomb.Copy !req
251. Lardass, no!Copy !req
252. Even your superhuman stomach
can't contain it!Copy !req
253. Noooo!Copy !req
254. What have I done?Copy !req
255. It's ok, Toxie, sweetie loves you.Copy !req
256. Speak for yourself, bitch.
Fuck this place!Copy !req
257. Get outta my way, pussies.Copy !req
258. Lardass!Copy !req
259. My friend.Copy !req
260. Alright, men. Ready?Copy !req
261. Aim!Copy !req
262. Make guns go bang.Copy !req
263. Alright, move after him
and use extreme caution.Copy !req
264. That lumpy headed bastard
is dangerous.Copy !req
265. Get in the car!Copy !req
266. - I suppose I owe you a thanks.
- Don't mention it, boss.Copy !req
267. I'm just glad
I decided to stick around.Copy !req
268. - You just can't trust school kids
these days. - Crack deal?Copy !req
269. - Sgt Kabukiman NYPD, what are you
talking about? - Sgt? NYPD? What?Copy !req
270. What's wrong with you, Noxie?Copy !req
271. Are you selling the crack
or are you smoking it?Copy !req
272. - Shit! Hang on, Noxie!
- Noxie?Copy !req
273. Did you see that?
That was a stop sign!Copy !req
274. Look out!Copy !req
275. What are you doing?
Those are police!Copy !req
276. What's wrong with you, Noxie?Copy !req
277. - You'd think you've never been chased
by the cops before. - I haven't.Copy !req
278. Oh my God!Copy !req
279. Everybody back, everybody back.
Just relax, stay calm.Copy !req
280. Toxie, you alright?Copy !req
281. What happened in there?Copy !req
282. Hey medics, get over here,
get Toxie over the emergency ward.Copy !req
283. You alright?Copy !req
284. Come here!Copy !req
285. Stay back, everybody!Copy !req
286. He's armed.Copy !req
287. What the hell did you do
to the chief?Copy !req
288. Wow! Go, Toxie!Copy !req
289. Toxie, what could've prompted
this vicious attackCopy !req
290. on the citizens of Tromaville?Copy !req
291. No fucking comment.Copy !req
292. Here, how about some hand me downs?Copy !req
293. Yes!Copy !req
294. Any final statement?Copy !req
295. Shut your fucking cake hole!Copy !req
296. - This doesn't look good.
- No. It doesn't fucking look good.Copy !req
297. - We should do something.
- Do something like what?Copy !req
298. Did you see what he just did
to the fuckinchief?Copy !req
299. - Fuck that, I'm leaving.
Are you comin'? - Yeah, ok.Copy !req
300. Faggot #1 meet faggot #2.Copy !req
301. Bingo!Copy !req
302. Say it ain't so, Toxie,
say it ain't so.Copy !req
303. It is so. Hold this fat ass.Copy !req
304. Oopsie daisy!Copy !req
305. Coming up at 11:00. Toxie kills
virtually everyone in Tromaville.Copy !req
306. And our very own Josh Levinsky
gets jiggy with it.Copy !req
307. Hang on, Noxie.
I can't pass this up.Copy !req
308. Kabukiman!
That was an illegal U turn!Copy !req
309. Old Lady dead ahead!Copy !req
310. This is an American made car. Every
time they flip 25 feet in the airCopy !req
311. and crash down, they blow up!
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
312. - God damn!
- Oh, Toxie!Copy !req
313. - The children picked these for you.
- Go fuck yourself!Copy !req
314. Toxie!Copy !req
315. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
316. What is going on indeed.
The events which you are witnessingCopy !req
317. have proven my theories regarding
the truly fragile natureCopy !req
318. of the space-time continuum.
Nurse.Copy !req
319. Blackboard!Copy !req
320. Perfect.Copy !req
321. As you can plainly see,
for every dimensionCopy !req
322. there exists a diametric opposite
of that dimension.Copy !req
323. When two explosions of equal mass
occurred simultaneously, the barrierCopy !req
324. between Tromaville and
its dimensional doppleganger,Copy !req
325. Amortville, was weakened
for a moment.Copy !req
326. This breach caused the Toxic AvengerCopy !req
327. and his evil opposite
the Noxious OffenderCopy !req
328. to enter each other's reality.Copy !req
329. That's pretty good for a shriveled
up cripple who can't get it up.Copy !req
330. That is it, hell-bitch. I don't need
to take this shit from you.Copy !req
331. My erectile dysfunction
has been resolved. See.Copy !req
332. Thanks to the modern miracle
of penile implantCopy !req
333. it merely takes a few squeezes
of my scrotal bumpCopy !req
334. to bring my once flaccid member
to a permanent state of tumescence.Copy !req
335. Now get over here and
I'll show you, shriveled...Copy !req
336. Excuse me.Copy !req
337. I die,
but my insane theories live on.Copy !req
338. Noxie! Where ya been?Copy !req
339. Noxie, want some of this?Copy !req
340. No, thank you.Copy !req
341. Thanks for the offer but no.Copy !req
342. - Jesus loves you, Toxie.
- Fuck you!Copy !req
343. What is this evil, evil place?Copy !req
344. Toxie!Copy !req
345. Nice work at the school, my friend.Copy !req
346. You need a ride some place?Copy !req
347. Grandma, grandma, grandma,
grandma.Copy !req
348. How am I supposed to smoke this crack
without a fucking pipe?Copy !req
349. - Fuck off, Spazmo, that's the deal.
- The deal was the three of you, guysCopy !req
350. for a rock and a stem.Copy !req
351. You got your crack, right? Now, go
smoke your shit and get out of here.Copy !req
352. We'll try not to fuck her up
too bad for you, okay?Copy !req
353. But but that wasn't the deal.Copy !req
354. That's it. Now I'm going to have
to freak you.Copy !req
355. Stop that right now!Copy !req
356. Hey, hey Noxie. What's going on, man?Copy !req
357. You wanna help us beat up
the retarded guy?Copy !req
358. Or you, hey you wanna help us
rape her?Copy !req
359. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
360. Didn't you learn your lesson
last time I disemboweled you,Copy !req
361. shoved your head up your ass,
and killed you with your own diaper?Copy !req
362. - What? - What?
- Huh?Copy !req
363. Guess not.Copy !req
364. Sweetie, are you okay?Copy !req
365. The bad boys were tryin' to touch me.
Bad boys, bad boys.Copy !req
366. They're gone now, everything is okay.
Keep calm you sweetie and honey.Copy !req
367. What's your name little girl?Copy !req
368. Sweetie Honey.Copy !req
369. Oh, okay. Do you know where you live?
We gotta get you home.Copy !req
370. I tried but my home was gone. 1122
Maplegrove Rd. Tromaville New Jersey.Copy !req
371. Just like Grandma said,
and it was gone.Copy !req
372. And you?
What the heck were you doing?Copy !req
373. Looking for a crack pipe.
What did it look like I was doing?Copy !req
374. It looked like you were selling
Sweetie Honey for drugs!Copy !req
375. And it looks like I saved you
from a severe beating.Copy !req
376. What are you doing here,
and where is your home?Copy !req
377. Man, I don't have a home.
I am a loner.Copy !req
378. And Sweetie's house is gone,
just like she said.Copy !req
379. That's ridiculous.
Come on, Sweetie Honey.Copy !req
380. See kids, here's the dump,
right where I said it would be.Copy !req
381. Now we'll go in my shack
and call your parents.Copy !req
382. Parents? No parents, Mom and Dad died
and then Autie Em took me in,Copy !req
383. but Auntie Em hit me too much
so then nice lady took me to Grandma.Copy !req
384. Okay, we'll call whoever, and Sarah
will make you some lunch, and...Copy !req
385. Where's my shack? It was right here.Copy !req
386. See? I told you.Copy !req
387. I don't think we're in Tromaville
anymore, Toto.Copy !req
388. Tito, my name is Tito.Copy !req
389. Whatever.Copy !req
390. What are you going to do now,
Mr. Kingshit?Copy !req
391. I don't know. I really don't know.Copy !req
392. I'm hungry. You said
that I was going to have lunch.Copy !req
393. I'm really really hungry.Copy !req
394. You want lunch too?Copy !req
395. No, see I am a junkie, so I don't
have to eat. But boy am I thirsty.Copy !req
396. Do you have any whiskey or any booze?Copy !req
397. Here you go kids,
something to eat and drink.Copy !req
398. Eww, gross. This whiskey tastes
like pregnant lady's piss.Copy !req
399. What kind of sandwich is this?Copy !req
400. Congratulations Sorry
you're pregnant.Copy !req
401. You know, I don't know whyCopy !req
402. on the commercials, they say these
pregnancy tests are hard to read,Copy !req
403. this seems pretty clear to me.
Oh my gosh!Copy !req
404. We did it! I'm gonna be a daddy.Copy !req
405. - A daddy?
- Yeah, I made a baby.Copy !req
406. Baby?
I love babies.Copy !req
407. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
408. Wait a second, wait a second.Copy !req
409. I gotta find Sarah.Copy !req
410. I gotta find out how to get home.
I gotta do something.Copy !req
411. You gotta get me lunch.Copy !req
412. Okay. I'm gonna figure out
how to get us home,Copy !req
413. - I'm gonna get you some lunch and...
- Lunch.Copy !req
414. - And you two stay here.
- Stay here?Copy !req
415. - Stay here.
- Here?Copy !req
416. Yeah, it's a lot safer here.Copy !req
417. It's dangerous and unpredictable
out there.Copy !req
418. So just stay here and I'll be back
for you just as soon as I can. Bye.Copy !req
419. Stay here, stay here, stay here.Copy !req
420. Who does the Toxic Avenger
think he is? My parents?Copy !req
421. Fuck this place man,
I'm out of here.Copy !req
422. No! Tito, you can't go. Toxie said
to stay here. He's over there,Copy !req
423. and you're over there and we have
to stay here, Tito, no,Copy !req
424. 'cause I don't want to be alone.
'Cause Toxie's goir over there,Copy !req
425. and you're goin' over there
and I have to stay hereCopy !req
426. and Mommy and Daddy ran away,Copy !req
427. and Auntie Em was really mean,
and Uncle Bobby was really meanCopy !req
428. and I don't want to be alone!
Tito, I don't want to be alone!Copy !req
429. Tito, come back! Come back!Copy !req
430. Okay.Copy !req
431. Okay. You are giving me
a stomachache in my brain.Copy !req
432. If you don't want to be a lonesome
you have to come with meCopy !req
433. but I am in charge,
I make choices out here.Copy !req
434. Okay.Copy !req
435. Let's go. I am in charge.Copy !req
436. Thanks, Tito. Will you hold my hand?Copy !req
437. That's okay. Please hold my hand.Copy !req
438. You know, ToxieCopy !req
439. I used to think that you were
one of those namby pambyCopy !req
440. pussy-footin' mother fuckers.
You know one of those bleeding heartCopy !req
441. heroes that's always makin'
my job difficult.Copy !req
442. But you're actually a bad guy.
You're all right.Copy !req
443. Thanks.Copy !req
444. You better split, Toxie.
This press conference is about you.Copy !req
445. I'll hang around
and see what the deal is,Copy !req
446. then we'll meet at your house later.
Go on.Copy !req
447. - My place?
- Go go go.Copy !req
448. Oh, lick my balls. Mother fucker.Copy !req
449. Jesus Fucking H. Christ. Fuck.Copy !req
450. - I never trusted Toxie!
- Yeah!Copy !req
451. - I knew he was bad from day one!
- Yeah!Copy !req
452. That's my husband you're talking
about. He loves you people!Copy !req
453. Bullshit! We all loved Chief Newman.
Face it! Toxie's gone mad!Copy !req
454. Yeah!Copy !req
455. Wait! Wait everybody!Copy !req
456. Toxie saved me and my unborn child
from the bomb.Copy !req
457. Toxie's a hero!Copy !req
458. Heroes don't double amputate
police chiefsCopy !req
459. and hurl twelve-year-old children
into brick walls!Copy !req
460. Please, please. Quiet down, folks.
Let's get down to the Lord's work.Copy !req
461. We all saw the Toxic Avenger kill,
not only our beloved police chief,Copy !req
462. but innocent bystanders as well.Copy !req
463. So, we've got to bring him in.
For questioning!Copy !req
464. Not shot by some
vigilante citizens' group.Copy !req
465. Fear not citizens!Copy !req
466. I have assembled the only team
capable of bringing him in.Copy !req
467. Super Heroes, united one and all,
to protect Tromaville.Copy !req
468. And I thank God for it.Copy !req
469. Now to introduce themCopy !req
470. first, please put your hands together
and give the clap to the Vibrator.Copy !req
471. Our next superhuman hero protects
creatures of the ocean.Copy !req
472. Please give a warm Tromaville welcome
to Dolphin Man!Copy !req
473. Unfortunately
there's not much water hereCopy !req
474. so Dolphin Man is pretty useless.Copy !req
475. But we have somebody stronger,
more powerful, much better looking.Copy !req
476. Who are they going to bring out next?
A cow that walks upright?Copy !req
477. Please, welcome Mad Cowboy!Copy !req
478. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
479. Now, when rock super star Mastur GCopy !req
480. and mild mannered sex offender
John BatorCopy !req
481. went into the same faulty elevatorCopy !req
482. little did they realize
they would emerge as one manCopy !req
483. a man that could fight crime withCopy !req
484. sheer repulsion and bad rhyming.Copy !req
485. Please, give a warm welcome
to combined Mastur G and John BatorCopy !req
486. Masturbator!Copy !req
487. Yeah! I'm the Masturbator,
the freaky palm god.Copy !req
488. Get back, you egg nog.Copy !req
489. Here it comes, Tromaville,
here it comes!Copy !req
490. It's comin' up Tromaville.Copy !req
491. And now, last but not least,Copy !req
492. the man to beat the man,
the creme de la creme,Copy !req
493. the greatest superhero of all.Copy !req
494. Please, welcome Sgt Kabukiman NYPD.Copy !req
495. Thank you, mayor.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
496. Thank you. I just want to reassure
every citizen of TromavilleCopy !req
497. that Sgt. Kabukiman NYPDCopy !req
498. can single handedly end
Toxie's reign of terror.Copy !req
499. What a dumb-ass!Copy !req
500. Why, I could take him out
with my heat-seeking chopsticks,Copy !req
501. or, or I could suffocate himCopy !req
502. with my computerized 16 bite sushi,Copy !req
503. or burn him, burn him
with my pyro projectile parasols.Copy !req
504. I got many more to take him out but
I don't think that will be necessary.Copy !req
505. Toxie will come in on his own.
He was just having a bad day.Copy !req
506. We all have bad days! You know,
maybe we don't go around ripping offCopy !req
507. the arms of the police chief and bash
priests and cops in the heads with...Copy !req
508. - Thank you!
- He's probably bi-polar.Copy !req
509. Abraham Lincoln
was bi-polar and what did he do?Copy !req
510. He freed the slaves.Copy !req
511. So you see,
if we just sit back, relaxCopy !req
512. everything will come to a peaceful
kabuki conclusion.Copy !req
513. Thank you, Kabukiman.Copy !req
514. Well as you can see
Tromaville is in very capable hands.Copy !req
515. This concludes our press conference.Copy !req
516. Now, the moment you've all been
waiting for: The puppet show.Copy !req
517. Fucking metal ball, fucking grass,
fucking street,Copy !req
518. fucking fence, fucking fat girl.Copy !req
519. - Toxie, I'm your biggest fan!
- That's great.Copy !req
520. Even a simple crack whore like me,
working her way through art school,Copy !req
521. can appreciate
the finer aspects of you.Copy !req
522. Where is my house?Copy !req
523. Maybe we should follow the signs.Copy !req
524. Toxie's Shack.Copy !req
525. The Plastique Palace?Copy !req
526. That's me!Copy !req
527. That's just wrong.Copy !req
528. Stop! Hold on!Copy !req
529. Oh shoot! There goes one of his arms.
Oh, poor baby.Copy !req
530. Oh yeah. Look at that.Copy !req
531. Oh, he got nothing but a little bit
of body left.Copy !req
532. You see that thing runnin' after us
with the mop?Copy !req
533. I don't know, man,
but he sure is ugly!Copy !req
534. C'mon step on it, let's go!Copy !req
535. He's getting mighty close.Copy !req
536. Oh no, he's jumping into the back
of the car.Copy !req
537. Stop you! Stop the car!Copy !req
538. What the good goddamn was that?Copy !req
539. What're we gonna do?Copy !req
540. Will you say something?Copy !req
541. I'm afraid!Copy !req
542. Get away from me, please please.Copy !req
543. I was only kiddin'!
Please, don't attack me, please!Copy !req
544. Hey ugly, ugly!Copy !req
545. Come here!Copy !req
546. Gee, I'm really sorry
you lost your body.Copy !req
547. It's okay, ugly hero.
It hurts but I've been through worse.Copy !req
548. You know a black man in America gets
used to having nobody behind him.Copy !req
549. I guess I just got nobody at all.Copy !req
550. Hey, what are we gonna do about
that crazy ass white boy up there?Copy !req
551. Well, I know what we can do
with that mutha fucker.Copy !req
552. White Power! White Power!Copy !req
553. Hey boys, I brought you a present.Copy !req
554. - White Power! White Power!
- Hey, don't you recognize me?Copy !req
555. What you doin'?Copy !req
556. That was fun. Thanks again
for saving my life, super guy.Copy !req
557. Hey my name's Pompey.Copy !req
558. Pleased to meet you, Pompey.
I'm Toxie.Copy !req
559. Sorry.Copy !req
560. Well, here we are, Pompey.
The Plastique Palace.Copy !req
561. Oh yeah dude, you don't got
to give me the play by play.Copy !req
562. - Just get me my body back.
- Will do.Copy !req
563. - Mr. Offender.
- Huh?Copy !req
564. Oh, I thought you were inspecting
the hot dog factory today.Copy !req
565. It's not the penile implant, is it?Copy !req
566. No no no!Copy !req
567. I mean, hum no!Copy !req
568. Everything's fine
with the uh penile implant.Copy !req
569. But will you fix my friend here?Copy !req
570. Oh hey, how ya doing there?Copy !req
571. Pretty ugly.Copy !req
572. I can hear that bitch!
Who you calling ugly?Copy !req
573. Get my fucking head out of this bag
and give me my body back, alright?Copy !req
574. - I think we can take care of it!
- Thanks!Copy !req
575. What you do here? Give me
a new body. I mean build me one.Copy !req
576. Think you can give me one of those
bionic bodies or something like that?Copy !req
577. Get me a new body, alright?Copy !req
578. - Hot dog parts.
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
579. You make a brother into a hot dog?
You lucky I ain't got my feet!Copy !req
580. I'd kick yo ass!Copy !req
581. - I'm really hungry.
- Okay okay.Copy !req
582. You are so annoying!Copy !req
583. No wonder everybody hates
retarded people!Copy !req
584. Hey, let's go to the office and fuck!Copy !req
585. C'mon, let's get you some hot dogs.Copy !req
586. Hot dogs! I really love hot dogs.Copy !req
587. Help me!Copy !req
588. So that's how they make hot dogs.
Gross.Copy !req
589. I'm never eating hot dogs again.Copy !req
590. Get me out of this bucket of body
parts and help me find my real body.Copy !req
591. Help me, oh my God!Copy !req
592. Hey, buddy!Copy !req
593. Can you spare some change for
an out of work particle physicist?Copy !req
594. Lardass?Copy !req
595. - Lardass!
- Fuck you, Mr. Lumpyhead!Copy !req
596. I can't believe you're alive!
I thought you were dead.Copy !req
597. First of all, my name's not Lardass,Copy !req
598. it's Chester.
I resent the implication.Copy !req
599. Secondly, I wish I was dead.Copy !req
600. I was a scientist,
one of the greatest in the world,Copy !req
601. and now I'm reduced to being
the greatest cocksucker in the world.Copy !req
602. Without my Claire,
life is meaningless.Copy !req
603. Hey, that's my wife!Copy !req
604. - Is that what you call her?
- So you're really not my Lardass?Copy !req
605. I'm not Lardass, I'm Chester!Copy !req
606. I'm just a common street whore
who happens to knowCopy !req
607. the key to Inter-dimensional travel.Copy !req
608. Inter-dimensional travel?Copy !req
609. The ability to travel
between dimensions.Copy !req
610. And then my Claire was kidnapped,
by your goons, evil crime Lord.Copy !req
611. Then I just gave up the project,
gave up my life as I knew it.Copy !req
612. But what do you care? To you I'm just
a little piece of human shit.Copy !req
613. Another life shattered
by your evil reign.Copy !req
614. Another story to tell your cronies
while sitting up in your mansionCopy !req
615. up there 4 blocks up on the right.Copy !req
616. What's the matter?Copy !req
617. My lips aren't sweet enough
for your toxic testicle nectar?Copy !req
618. Don't worry, Chester, I'll be back.Copy !req
619. Well, when you come back
you'd better bring cash or pastriesCopy !req
620. or you're not gonna get to touch
this ass.Copy !req
621. Melvin, is that you? I heard
what happened at school today.Copy !req
622. - You can hear?
- Of course I can hear.Copy !req
623. I was so worried about you.Copy !req
624. After all, our soon to be baby
needs a daddy.Copy !req
625. And look at the little baby outfit
I made, there's even a little mop.Copy !req
626. Wait. You're pregnant?Copy !req
627. Well, yeah I'm pregnant.Copy !req
628. Melvin, your hands,Copy !req
629. they're so soft!Copy !req
630. Your manly chest,
it's not quite so manly anymore.Copy !req
631. I've been eating
a lot of melons lately.Copy !req
632. Melvin! Somehow your wiener has
miraculously turned into a vagina.Copy !req
633. - What's going on around here?
- Just relax.Copy !req
634. It's good for our relationship,Copy !req
635. it's good for the baby.Copy !req
636. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
637. Yeah, it's good for the baby, baby.Copy !req
638. I don't know what Noxie
sees in this bitch, anyway.Copy !req
639. My ass is so much sweeter than hers!Copy !req
640. Where is he?
It's time for my 5 o'clock reaming.Copy !req
641. Noxie, hey baby!Copy !req
642. Get off me, you.Copy !req
643. Cock chugging masochist!Copy !req
644. Look, you pervert, just get off!Copy !req
645. It's time for the rough stuff.
I'll be right over here.Copy !req
646. Noxie!Copy !req
647. Excuse me, madam.Copy !req
648. Claire, wake up.Copy !req
649. Wake up, Claire.
Rise and shine, come on.Copy !req
650. Don't worry, we'll get you outta
here in a jiffy.Copy !req
651. Hey!Copy !req
652. Wait a second, you can see?Copy !req
653. Of course I can see, stupid.Copy !req
654. You're deaf?Copy !req
655. - What is this, some kind of joke?
- Blast! I wish I tookCopy !req
656. those sign language classes
at Tromaville Community College.Copy !req
657. Well, that's okay. I can read lips,Copy !req
658. you dirty dumb dumb dumb ass!Copy !req
659. What's a matter? Why don't you
rape me rape me and beat me beat meCopy !req
660. like you usually do,
you fuckin' pervert!Copy !req
661. Fill my chocolate starfishCopy !req
662. with your chunky, chunky dick snot.Copy !req
663. Come on, come and do it now.
Come and get it over with.Copy !req
664. No, no. Hold it,
you don't understand.Copy !req
665. Yeah!Copy !req
666. Firey!Copy !req
667. It's explosive.Copy !req
668. Well ladies,
now that you're all warmed up,Copy !req
669. are your chocolate starfish ready
for my chunky dick snot?Copy !req
670. Oh my God!Copy !req
671. Get that thing away from me!Copy !req
672. Where you going?Copy !req
673. Where did the lovely lady go?Copy !req
674. You're about to find out the answers
to all your questions.Copy !req
675. Look, not that I can't,
but I'm married.Copy !req
676. - Will you get off?
- I'm trying, damn it!Copy !req
677. Claire, Claire.Copy !req
678. Look. I know I may look
like that Noxie character,Copy !req
679. but I'm not him,
I'm totally different.Copy !req
680. What's a matter, did I do something
wrong? Have I been a bad girl?Copy !req
681. I'll do anything you want.Copy !req
682. Just don't hurt me no more!Copy !req
683. Chester sent me.Copy !req
684. Chester?Copy !req
685. I'm your daddy now.Copy !req
686. I'm about to have your abortion.Copy !req
687. Better not be another
Jehovah's witness.Copy !req
688. Fuck off! Oh, it's you.Copy !req
689. Toxie, I've got a little proposition
for you.Copy !req
690. What say we take a little ride?Copy !req
691. Okay.
Wait, can we stop for ice cream?Copy !req
692. Hey, hold it right there, Noxie!Copy !req
693. What's wrong with you, man? You're
like a totally different personCopy !req
694. and now what? Takin' the sex slave
out for a romantic dinner?Copy !req
695. I don't know what's gotten into you,
but it's not right.Copy !req
696. Now why don't you take that slut
back to the pit where she belongsCopy !req
697. and come with me?
We've got something to discuss.Copy !req
698. What the fuck!Copy !req
699. You read sign language, right?
Well, listen to this!Copy !req
700. Run, Claire, run!Copy !req
701. I knew it.
I knew something was wrong.Copy !req
702. You're not the real Noxie after all,
are you?Copy !req
703. That may be,Copy !req
704. but I know Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD and
you sir are no Sgt Kabukiman NYPD.Copy !req
705. Lord, Jesus, Mother Mary,Copy !req
706. you up there, it's me,
Mayor Goldberg of Tromaville.Copy !req
707. I really really need you, Lord.
I need a sign, just any sign,Copy !req
708. just to show me that you're here
for the people of Tromaville.Copy !req
709. Please, Lord, just any sign,
just a sign.Copy !req
710. Please, any sign.Copy !req
711. Oh well, thanks for taking the time
to listen.Copy !req
712. I feel better for asking. Amen.Copy !req
713. Coming up at 11.
Mayor Goldberg out, Toxie in.Copy !req
714. And our very own Josh Levitsky
makes a run for the border.Copy !req
715. In his special piece
about lesbians titled.Copy !req
716. Strappin' it on
and getting up over in there.Copy !req
717. Rootin' around.Copy !req
718. - I know where I'm gonna be at 11.
- Hey, that's appointment TV!Copy !req
719. Toxie? Toxie?Copy !req
720. What? Who's there?Copy !req
721. You mother fucker, can't you hear me?Copy !req
722. Mister Head,
I didn't see you back there.Copy !req
723. No, my name ain't Mister Head, man.
It's Pompey.Copy !req
724. Pompey, nice to meet you.
My name is Tito.Copy !req
725. - Yah how you doin', Tito?
- Pompey, let's make a deal.Copy !req
726. If you chew through my ropes, I won't
let you become meat product, okay?Copy !req
727. Shit, that sounds like a plan to me,
Tito. Come here.Copy !req
728. Chew, chew, Pompey!
Chew like the wind.Copy !req
729. Chew, Pompey, but hurry or else
you'll become Pompey headcheese.Copy !req
730. Not headcheese, no!Copy !req
731. Almost...Copy !req
732. Alright, got it!Copy !req
733. Come get me, get me!Copy !req
734. Fuck this man, I'm outta here.Copy !req
735. Me too! Me too! Help! Me too!Copy !req
736. Okay.Copy !req
737. - Okay.
- Ready... here we go.Copy !req
738. Wait, Tito! Toxie needs help!Copy !req
739. No! No no!Copy !req
740. - What do I do?
- You big retarded pussy!Copy !req
741. You better get your ass over there
and help that retarded girl.Copy !req
742. You go, girl! You hit him!Copy !req
743. Hit him again! He'll survive that.Copy !req
744. You get him, retarded girl.
Work it out!Copy !req
745. Come, we gotta get out of here.
Come on!Copy !req
746. Come on!Copy !req
747. Dead end, dead end!Copy !req
748. Toxie, we've got to go.Copy !req
749. Oh no! What happened?Copy !req
750. Kabukimars coming. We've got to go.Copy !req
751. Come on, let's go. Jump, chickenshit.
C'mon, let's go!Copy !req
752. - I don't want to go!
- Go!Copy !req
753. Damn!Copy !req
754. Damn!
They're very slowly getting away.Copy !req
755. Well, fuck'em.Copy !req
756. Mayor Goldberg, Tromaville's liberal
kubla khan, dead at 52.Copy !req
757. What is to become of Tromadu?Copy !req
758. Tromadu! What will happen
to the stately pleasure domeCopy !req
759. he built with the taxpayers' money?Copy !req
760. Tromadu, where man and beast play,Copy !req
761. and women play with each other.Copy !req
762. Tromadu, haven to the artsyCopy !req
763. and to the fartsy.Copy !req
764. And who can forget
the interpretive dancers?Copy !req
765. People are letting it all hang outCopy !req
766. at one of the famous Tromadu
grotto parties.Copy !req
767. Look here, it's the Toxic Avenger,
Tromaville's newest mayor.Copy !req
768. Mr. Toxie, how did you find cultural
conditions in Tromaville?Copy !req
769. With great difficulty.Copy !req
770. Hey Toxie, what do you make of thisCopy !req
771. easy on the eyes
Jackson Pollack-esque painting here?Copy !req
772. Well, I guess everyone's a critic.Copy !req
773. Look at these young lovers, enjoyingCopy !req
774. the bounteous pleasures at Tromadu.Copy !req
775. I could die in these breasts.Copy !req
776. Bullseye!
Cupid strikes again.Copy !req
777. And so does Toxie.Copy !req
778. That's what I call a facelift.
Looking good, Toxie.Copy !req
779. At Tromadu Toxie is always ahead
in the polls,Copy !req
780. or a pole in the head.
Whoopsie daisy!Copy !req
781. Uh uh, the party's over, says Toxie.Copy !req
782. Wow. It looks like Toxie's
really tuckered out.Copy !req
783. - What's that on your face, Toxie?
- Nose blood.Copy !req
784. Toxie promises his first action
as mayor will be to killCopy !req
785. all those goofy superheroes,
especially Kabukiman.Copy !req
786. Oh my gosh, we're doomed.
We're doomed.Copy !req
787. We're gonna die.Copy !req
788. Wait, we're acting all chicken.Copy !req
789. It's about time we do some evil ass
kickin'.Copy !req
790. That's really nice, Masturbator,Copy !req
791. but fuck that. I'm not going to die,
not in Jersey.Copy !req
792. Now I'm getting the hell out of here.Copy !req
793. My God, I never thought of it
that way before.Copy !req
794. Now let's save Tromaville!Copy !req
795. Go, Mad Cowboy.
Go, Dolphin Man.Copy !req
796. Go, Masturbator.
Speed it up, Vibrator.Copy !req
797. I'm coming!Copy !req
798. That Kabuki-faggot ran away.Copy !req
799. I kicked his ass good.Copy !req
800. I guess that...Copy !req
801. Well, I guess that...Copy !req
802. I guess...Copy !req
803. I guess that takes care of that.Copy !req
804. I Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD
am a failure.Copy !req
805. I suck.Copy !req
806. My arm is broken.Copy !req
807. My leg is all fucked up.Copy !req
808. And I gotta pee like a race horse.Copy !req
809. Where's the hospital?Copy !req
810. Aaaawww shite!Copy !req
811. This ain't no fuckin' hospital!Copy !req
812. It's not the fuckin' hospital!Copy !req
813. Hey, ya got a pisser in here?Copy !req
814. 'Cause I've gotta pee real bad.Copy !req
815. Yes I do.Copy !req
816. Oh my gosh!Copy !req
817. Who could do such a thing
to a defenseless,Copy !req
818. beautiful,Copy !req
819. hot, exceedingly attractive woman
like that?Copy !req
820. I must...Copy !req
821. I must free her, yeah.Copy !req
822. Here I come, Kabukiman,
to the rescue.Copy !req
823. Hold on there, damsel in distress.Copy !req
824. Your hero is about to arrive,
to save. I'm here to rescue you.Copy !req
825. Just grab these knots.
Undo these knots.Copy !req
826. This knot.
This is not easy.Copy !req
827. Have a pie.Copy !req
828. See ya tomorrow?Copy !req
829. Alright, alright, who's next?Copy !req
830. - Claire, is that you?
- Oh, Chester.Copy !req
831. Claire! I though you were dead!Copy !req
832. I was dead without your love.Copy !req
833. I dreamt of you every single night.Copy !req
834. I dreamed of you.Copy !req
835. The rape, the torture,Copy !req
836. the corn holing that fucker Noxie
put me through.Copy !req
837. Oh, my darling, look what he
did to your face.Copy !req
838. That doesn't matter now.
All that matters is that I'm hereCopy !req
839. with you.Copy !req
840. Oh!Copy !req
841. Chester!Copy !req
842. Ooh! Yea!Copy !req
843. The ecstasy!Copy !req
844. Do you remember the cheese?Copy !req
845. I saved the cheese for you, Claire.Copy !req
846. I've been waiting so long to cut
the cheese for you, Claire.Copy !req
847. Yeah, cowboy!Copy !req
848. Claire, I love you.Copy !req
849. You're pregnant!Copy !req
850. That's wonderful, doctor!Copy !req
851. You're pregnant with two babies.Copy !req
852. Two babies!Copy !req
853. From what appears to be two
completely different fathers.Copy !req
854. And that's preposterous!Copy !req
855. That must be...
good...Copy !req
856. and evil.
- Right.Copy !req
857. Well what can I do about that,
doctor?Copy !req
858. Well I'm glad you
asked that question.Copy !req
859. Nurse?Copy !req
860. Lovely, just like that. Thank you.Copy !req
861. What I have done is extracted
the actual fluidCopy !req
862. from the feti inside your body.Copy !req
863. This is the good fluid,
this is the evil fluid.Copy !req
864. You can tell because it's red.Copy !req
865. Now, inside your body you have
to make a choiceCopy !req
866. Because these two right here
are fighting, fighting, fighting.Copy !req
867. One will win, and eventually
this is what it will look like.Copy !req
868. That sizzles.Copy !req
869. That will be you.Copy !req
870. The choice is very simple
and clearly yours.Copy !req
871. Either A, you can choose to explode,
or B, you can choose to abort.Copy !req
872. - Explode or abort.
- What does one do?Copy !req
873. I'll have to think about that,
doctor.Copy !req
874. Ponder not too long because actually
you only have about 2 or 3 hoursCopy !req
875. until this whole process
takes place.Copy !req
876. Melvin, where are you!Copy !req
877. - Doctor, remove the thermometer
from my behind. - Well, let me check.Copy !req
878. Tromaville Abortion Clinic,
may I help you?Copy !req
879. I'm sorry but the doctor's
still in the topless bar,Copy !req
880. I mean an appointment.
Would you like his voicemail?Copy !req
881. Choose life or die!
Choose life or die!Copy !req
882. Choose life or die!
Choose life or die!Copy !req
883. Choose life or die!Copy !req
884. It sure is hot out here today.Copy !req
885. Hello?Copy !req
886. Excuse me,Copy !req
887. is this the line
for the family planning?Copy !req
888. No?Copy !req
889. Burn in hell, abortion bitch!Copy !req
890. At least this sweet gentle rain
will cool things off today.Copy !req
891. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
892. Oh, my goodness, sweetie,
look at you!Copy !req
893. Quick we gotta get you AP,Copy !req
894. Careful
We'll take good care of you.Copy !req
895. Well, I'm really only here
to weigh my options.Copy !req
896. Options? Oh we've got lots
of options!Copy !req
897. Let's see, first we open up your
vagina with this speculum,Copy !req
898. and take this instrument,
a little sort of like a harpoon,Copy !req
899. we can shove it all in...Copy !req
900. What's the matter, my dear?Copy !req
901. I think I'm going into labor.Copy !req
902. Oh, my goodness,
we better abort in a hurry.Copy !req
903. Dottor Cassidy!Copy !req
904. What seems to be the problem,
Miss Scraper?Copy !req
905. This young lady needs to be
de-foetused, stat!Copy !req
906. An excellent choice, my dear.
And so much better for the children,Copy !req
907. I'm sure you'll agree. Now let's
just take a tiny little listen, ok?Copy !req
908. Whoa, my, my, that one is lively,
isn't it?Copy !req
909. That fuckin' speculum, I told you to
throw mother-fucker away!Copy !req
910. There's a case for the speculum!Copy !req
911. - Next.
- My anus!Copy !req
912. My fuckin' butthole!Copy !req
913. Call a doctor!Copy !req
914. Tromaville Abortion Clinic,
may I help you?Copy !req
915. I'm sorry but the doctor just
died of rectal hemorrhaging.Copy !req
916. Would you like his voicemail?Copy !req
917. It's alright, it's ok.
It's ok, Toxie.Copy !req
918. Look! I told you he'd be here!Copy !req
919. Claire says that she knew
you'd be here, in this dump!Copy !req
920. It's the only place I know.Copy !req
921. We'd like to thank you again,
for bringing us back together.Copy !req
922. - Yes, thank you.
- So come on,Copy !req
923. let's get you out of here.
- What's the point?Copy !req
924. I mean I belong here in the dump with
the garbage and the rotting food.Copy !req
925. You seem to have forgotten something.Copy !req
926. I'm a physicist. When I said I was
gonna get you out of here,Copy !req
927. - I meant this dimension!
- Dimension.Copy !req
928. - Come on.
- Come on.Copy !req
929. - Let's go.
- We go.Copy !req
930. A scientific comrade of mine was
recently killed in a freak accident,Copy !req
931. and he bequeathed me his laboratoryCopy !req
932. and all of his insane theories of
inter-dimensional travel.Copy !req
933. - Travel.
- I hope you don't mind the mess.Copy !req
934. Um, no, I didn't even notice it.Copy !req
935. Now let's get you back to Tromaville.Copy !req
936. I think I've got it. I've found the
key to inter-dimensional travelCopy !req
937. in this seldom read scientific tome.Copy !req
938. Please tell me it doesn't
involve exploding a schoolCopy !req
939. full of special children.
- No, it's much simpler.Copy !req
940. You see Toxie, You've had the power
to go home this whole time.Copy !req
941. These will help you find your way.Copy !req
942. Oh, I give off!Copy !req
943. The operating procedures
are quite simple.Copy !req
944. All you have to do is think of home
and click your heels three times.Copy !req
945. You may have to try this
more than once.Copy !req
946. Inter-dimensional travel is not
an exact science.Copy !req
947. You might find yourself in Heaven.Copy !req
948. Or you might find yourself on a
1970's gay porno set.Copy !req
949. Ready?Copy !req
950. Upsy daisy.Copy !req
951. - Come on, Tito.
- Come on, Tito, hop up.Copy !req
952. I'm not going.Copy !req
953. What do you mean you're not going?Copy !req
954. Tito, come on, we've got to go back
to Tromaville. We don't belong here.Copy !req
955. I don't belong anywhere.Copy !req
956. But as long as there are peopleCopy !req
957. like evil mabuki pagoop...
Kabukiman running around,Copy !req
958. I must stay and protect the citizens
of Amortville.Copy !req
959. I have become the Retarded Revenger!Copy !req
960. Don't forget about your sidekick,
PompeyCopy !req
961. The baddest bodyless mother-fucker
in all of Amortiville.Copy !req
962. I want you to have this,
in memory of Lardass.Copy !req
963. Actually, Tito, you've already
made me proud.Copy !req
964. - My man.
- I will miss you,Copy !req
965. Toxic Avenger.Copy !req
966. - I'll miss you too, Tito.
- Yeah!Copy !req
967. Can I have my blanket?Copy !req
968. Ready?Copy !req
969. There's no place like Tromaville.
There's no place like Tromaville.Copy !req
970. There's no place like Tromaville.Copy !req
971. What's...
What the... What the...Copy !req
972. I never felt...Copy !req
973. Cut!Copy !req
974. - Alfred Jones.
- Leukemia.Copy !req
975. Jeffrey Smith.Copy !req
976. - Alcoholism.
- Bill Gullow.Copy !req
977. Polio.Copy !req
978. God, I kinda think they invented
a cure for that one.Copy !req
979. Goddammit! Well that's alright.Copy !req
980. Every time they come up with a cure
for one disease,Copy !req
981. I come up with something
even more deadly!Copy !req
982. AIDS. Now that was a good one!Copy !req
983. AIDS!Copy !req
984. - God?
- Yeah, what do you want?Copy !req
985. - We just wanna go home.
- You bastard!Copy !req
986. What do you wanna go home for!Copy !req
987. This is Heaven!
This is the best place around!Copy !req
988. God, I think this is the Toxic
Avenger, he's from Tromaville.Copy !req
989. Alright,
you can go back to Tromaville,Copy !req
990. but you gotta do me two favors!Copy !req
991. First you gotta kick the asses of all
the murderers and child rapists!Copy !req
992. And, you tell the Pope, stop talking
about me, he doesn't know me.Copy !req
993. And his hat is stupid!Copy !req
994. - Uh, yes sir!
- Get outta here!Copy !req
995. Alright God! You're awesome!Copy !req
996. All those other super human heroes
would've died anyway.Copy !req
997. Now I've got Toxie's shack,Copy !req
998. we're drinkin', we got some bimbos
on the way, it's all good.Copy !req
999. Who the hell are you? Toxie...Copy !req
1000. Noxie, he's gonna kill.
Oh what do I do?Copy !req
1001. I just had the weirdest dream! Sgt.
Kabukiman NYPD you were there.Copy !req
1002. Except you were evil
and you kicked my ass.Copy !req
1003. And you!Copy !req
1004. You weren't there.
And you!Copy !req
1005. You weren't there either.Copy !req
1006. Who are you guys?
What're you doing in my shack?Copy !req
1007. Don't hurt me.Copy !req
1008. Kabuk, where's Sarah? What's going
on? What happened to you?Copy !req
1009. Toxie? Toxie,Copy !req
1010. is that really you?
Is that the real you?Copy !req
1011. Yeah it's me.Copy !req
1012. Thank God!Copy !req
1013. Hey, you've gotta stop yourself,
the evil version of you.Copy !req
1014. - You've gone power mad.
- The evil version of me?Copy !req
1015. Sweetie Honey!Copy !req
1016. Then it wasn't a dream!Copy !req
1017. - Where's Sarah?
- I saw her at the hospital.Copy !req
1018. She's been kidnapped by the evil
Toxic Avenger, the evil you,Copy !req
1019. and wait, you don't wanna go in
there. It's all sealed up tight nowCopy !req
1020. and they got a shit load of guards
and they all know kung fu and...Copy !req
1021. Ok. We've got to get the other heroes
of Tromaville and storm the hospital!Copy !req
1022. They're all dead.Copy !req
1023. - All of them?
- Yep.Copy !req
1024. - Even Dolphin Man?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1025. Alright, well then it's up to
the two of us. C'mon, let's go.Copy !req
1026. Ok, I'll catch up with ya.
I'll be right there. Just gonna...Copy !req
1027. - What's your name?
- Sweetie Honey.Copy !req
1028. I'm a big girl too.Copy !req
1029. Oh yes you are,
Here would you like a drink?Copy !req
1030. Good girl.Copy !req
1031. Yes, fight my son, Fight!Copy !req
1032. - How long!
- I'm not sure.Copy !req
1033. Very well. If you need me I'll be
in the snack bar having nachos.Copy !req
1034. Kazinsky, we may have a problem.Copy !req
1035. What is it?
I'm due for my nose job.Copy !req
1036. - I think Toxie's good again!
- What misfortune.Copy !req
1037. Toxie, come in! Videhauffer says
you've turned good again!Copy !req
1038. - What the hell is that?
- Go check it out.Copy !req
1039. And make sure whatever he's talking
about doesn't make it to this floor!Copy !req
1040. Yes, sir.Copy !req
1041. I've gotta find Sarah!Copy !req
1042. If there only were a giant map
like they have at the mall.Copy !req
1043. Tromaville Hospital!Copy !req
1044. Oh, hello!Copy !req
1045. Let's see, I'm in hereCopy !req
1046. and Noxie is hereCopy !req
1047. and uh let's see hereCopy !req
1048. armed guards that want
to kill me are here.Copy !req
1049. Oh, no! Now I've got AIDS!Copy !req
1050. I've got to get out of here.Copy !req
1051. Toxie.Copy !req
1052. You blew up a school filled
with special children.Copy !req
1053. What's inside your head?Copy !req
1054. Let's find out, shall we?Copy !req
1055. No, Toxie, no!Copy !req
1056. Sarah!Copy !req
1057. Yeah, I fucked her.Copy !req
1058. No.Copy !req
1059. Not only am I gonna kill you,
I'm gonna rape your virgin ass first.Copy !req
1060. No!Copy !req
1061. Ever been in prison?Copy !req
1062. That won't work.Copy !req
1063. - Let's see...
- What are you doing?Copy !req
1064. It's gonna blow.Copy !req
1065. I think my waters broke.Copy !req
1066. Do you know what the difference is
between you and me? I'm a real personCopy !req
1067. I don't have to fill my body
with plastics and silicone!Copy !req
1068. My eye is real!
Doink!Copy !req
1069. My dick is real!Copy !req
1070. And my colon is real
and my large intestine is real.Copy !req
1071. And my pancreas is real!Copy !req
1072. And my duodenal ulcer is real!Copy !req
1073. Most importantly...Copy !req
1074. so is my heart.Copy !req
1075. Stewy?Copy !req
1076. Bozo?Copy !req
1077. Melvin?Copy !req
1078. - I'm you.
- I'm you.Copy !req
1079. Gimme a hug!Copy !req
1080. Oh, you're beautiful.Copy !req
1081. Sorry sorry sorry sorry.Copy !req
1082. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1083. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
1084. I'm evil.Copy !req
1085. Don't you know that?Copy !req
1086. - Gimme some!
- No.Copy !req
1087. That's it.Copy !req
1088. I'll be back, mother-fucker,
if there's a sequelCopy !req
1089. I'll be back!Copy !req
1090. Sarah, it's ok honey, I'm here.Copy !req
1091. Oh, Melvin! I'm so glad you're back.Copy !req
1092. Doctors!Copy !req
1093. Is there a doctor in the house?
Anyone, someone?Copy !req
1094. Oh, my God!
She's hemorrhaging!Copy !req
1095. No no, this is just dick tissue.Copy !req
1096. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
1097. Baby?Copy !req
1098. Tonight at 11, bad Toxie goes out
good Toxie in.Copy !req
1099. And congratulations Toxie,
we heard it's a boy.Copy !req
1100. - Hey, all right!
- Also at 11 our very own Levinsky.Copy !req
1101. Will be taking some of our local
super heroes shopping for tights.Copy !req
1102. He's a beautiful, big,
bouncing baby boy!Copy !req
1103. Sixty pounds and four ounces.Copy !req
1104. Oh, he is beautiful.Copy !req
1105. He looks just like you!Copy !req
1106. - Toxie.
- Oh, Ms. Wiener.Copy !req
1107. I just really wanted to thank you
for saving me and my beautiful babyCopy !req
1108. - Laqueesha.
- She looks just like her mother.Copy !req
1109. And I've also brought the special
students in to thank you, too.Copy !req
1110. Come on in kids.Copy !req
1111. - Hey Sweetie.
- Toxie,Copy !req
1112. We made this award for you
cause you're an alumnusCopy !req
1113. of the Tromaville School
for the Very Special,Copy !req
1114. and you're very special.Copy !req
1115. Wow. Thanks kids.Copy !req
1116. And Toxie, I want you to have
the blanky for the baby,Copy !req
1117. cause I'm a very big girl now
and I don't need it.Copy !req
1118. - Are you sure?
- Just ask Sgt. Kabukiman.Copy !req
1119. Hey hey hey!Copy !req
1120. Hey! Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD,
my best friend. How ya feelin'?Copy !req
1121. Not too bad.Copy !req
1122. Doctors say my arm and leg should
be healed in a couple of weeks.Copy !req
1123. I just can't wait to get the
stitches removed from my anus.Copy !req
1124. Anus anus anus anus anus anus!Copy !req
1125. Knock knock.Copy !req
1126. Pompey, you got a new body,
you're just not a head anymore.Copy !req
1127. If we're talking about bodies,
you have some body on you!Copy !req
1128. Now we could talk about head
and all that stuff later,Copy !req
1129. but are you ready to meet your
other new child?Copy !req
1130. Wait a minute, another child?Copy !req
1131. The evil baby!Copy !req
1132. I think a child is as much a product
of his environment as anything.Copy !req
1133. And I think we have enough love to
raise any kid as a good kid.Copy !req
1134. Well, if you think so, Melvin.Copy !req
1135. Yeah, a real American family
for the new millennium.Copy !req
1136. Awesome!Copy !req
1137. Now let's take a peek.Copy !req
1138. What?Copy !req
1139. Hey, cute kid.Copy !req
1140. Toxie, Toxie, I can explain.Copy !req
1141. I was drunk, she was tied down.Copy !req
1142. I forgot to zip up.Copy !req
1143. Alright, later.Copy !req
1144. Due to the depletion
of the ozone layerCopy !req
1145. and the careless dumping
of hazardous nuclear wasteCopy !req
1146. thousands of people
find themselves trappedCopy !req
1147. in an evil parallel universe every
year and the numbers are rising.Copy !req
1148. This film is respectfully dedicated
to those who have lost their livesCopy !req
1149. facing down their own
evil doppelgangers.Copy !req
1150. So if you find yourself thrust into
an alternate realityCopy !req
1151. look to the horizonCopy !req
1152. one hideously deformed creature
of superhuman size and strengthCopy !req
1153. will be there yes,
dear reader, he'll be there.Copy !req
1154. He's the Toxic Avenger.Copy !req
1155. And please don't forget to recycle
your bottles and cans.Copy !req
1156. This just in Jesus out, Satan in.Copy !req
1157. - And I for one worship the dark lord
- Really? - Yeah I do.Copy !req
1158. You guys get together
and have worship?Copy !req
1159. We do. Actually this Sunday we're
having a calf slaughteringCopy !req
1160. at the ninety second street Y,Copy !req
1161. and our very own Josh Levinsky
will be running a cake walkCopy !req
1162. and then we're going
to sacrifice him.Copy !req
1163. - Really? - Yeah.
- That's amazing.Copy !req