Charles Band's Evil Bong 2: King Bong (2009)

1. Uh, what are you doing?

2. Checking you out for a wire.

3. Oh, I can assure you I am not a narcotics officer.

4. I'm here to answer your ad.

5. Dude!

6. Why didn't you say something?

7. Large bong for sale.

8. Recently deceased owner claims it was possessed.

9. Cause if there's one thing this pad is lacking

10. it's a killer fucking bong, man.

11. It's the item you've been waiting for.

12. This is the best investment I ever made in my life, bro.

13. Does my bong look different?

14. It's the bong man. It's evil.

15. I say let's fire this thing up.

16. What the fuck are you doing here, old man?

17. I'll teach you some respect, you insolent little cocksucker

18. Eebee, can I get a hand here?

19. Whoa, hocus pocus.

20. - No. How do we stop it?

21. I don't think it can be stopped, man.

22. The guy that sold it to me said that it had some

23. voodoo curse on it or something, you know.

24. I thought he was just trying to make a sale,

25. but it killed all my friends, man, and it almost got me.

26. Well, got all my brain cells.

27. - Take this!

28. Motherfucker, you going down.

29. Put this in your pipe, evil bitch.

30. Yeah?

31. Larnell, it's Alistair.

32. You called me remember.

33. Alistair, I almost didn't recognize you.

34. Been kinda out of it bro.

35. More so than usual?

36. Hang on a sec, checking up for popo.

37. Come on in, quick.

38. So, Larnell, it's ah...

39. been a while. You look well.

40. Be straight with me, bro.

41. Our friendship's gotta be on that level of honesty

42. or it's nothing at all.

43. Bros gotta be straight with each other.

44. Give me some knucks.

45. Booyah.

46. Well in all candor, you do seem a little haggard.

47. Haggard?

48. You don't even know the half of it.

49. I haven't slept in days.

50. Have your studies been keeping you up?

51. Studies? No man I dropped out. Well, I was kicked out.

52. - What? - I'm actually on the run,

53. - I set fire to the administration's building. - You what?

54. Yeah man, that place was a corrupt institution.

55. They all are: colleges and universities,

56. schools of higher learning. Total donkey dick bro.

57. They're all in league with the government

58. trying to control our minds and make us all think alike.

59. Check this out.

60. I got all the research on it, right here.

61. I'm thinking of writing a book on it.

62. Be a fucking bestseller too, just like The Picasso Code.

63. Anyways, I had to get out of there man

64. and you should do the same.

65. You don't wanna be brainwashed into thinking

66. like all the other sheep out there.

67. - Save the brain, you know. - I think my brain is fine.

68. Ah, it's my nose that's in distress.

69. Larnell, it smells like something died in here.

70. Oh yeah, I should have warned you about that.

71. I dropped an A-bomb in the can earlier.

72. Anchovy pizza's not sitting too good with me.

73. - Gross.

74. Sorry.

75. You want some?

76. How can you smoke that,

77. I mean after everything that happened?

78. Dude, it wasn't the weed. It was the bong.

79. That evil fucking bong, Al.

80. Right.

81. Look, Larnell, why exactly did you want to see me?

82. You know over the phone,

83. you mentioned something about Bachman.

84. Are you two still rooming together?

85. Yeah, he's at work right now.

86. He's got a job?

87. Hmm, good that he's taking responsibility.

88. Slave to the machine, a fucking corporate shill.

89. Never thought I'd see the day.

90. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?

91. Bachman, conforming to the status quo?

92. No man, it's worse than that.

93. I think he's got something wrong with him.

94. Is he not feeling well?

95. I don't know, it's weird,

96. - one minute he just—

97. What are you doing home already?

98. I thought you weren't off until five.

99. Well that was the plan, dude. But today I got fired.

100. What, why?

101. I don't know. That's the mystery.

102. One minute, I'm working the fryer, next thing I know,

103. I'm unemployed again.

104. What happened to the uniform?

105. Ah, some kid blew chunks on me today.

106. It was the double avocado burger with cheese and fried eggs

107. very unfortunate.

108. - Thank you. - Gnarly.

109. Is that why you got the can?

110. I told you, I don't know man. Total mystery.

111. Oh, Al, my favorite geek dude.

112. - Hi, Bachman. - Come here, come on.

113. - All right, all right. - Man hug, come on.

114. Come, on guy. Come on, guy.

115. - How are you?

116. - You look good. You look good. - It's good to see you too, Bachman,

117. but a simple handshake would've sufficed.

118. So what's up, you still doing the college thing?

119. Certainly am. I'm going after my second major.

120. Oh, that sounds terrible.

121. What happened to the first one? Did you lose it or something?

122. "Lose it." I get it.

123. Get what?

124. Nothing.

125. Look, Bachman, Larnell called me over here and he said,

126. you know, maybe you weren't feeling too well.

127. Ring a bell?

128. Nah, nah.

129. I feel splendid, actually.

130. Listen, Bach, he's talking about that problem you've been having.

131. - What problem? - Dude, the one

132. that's been fucking you up for the past week.

133. I'm not recalling.

134. Is it amnesia? Is that the problem?

135. That's only part of it.

136. Part?

137. Homies, look, only problem I'm having is getting canned

138. from Sloppy Burger today, and to be quiet honest with you,

139. it's not really that big of a problem.

140. Shit, my God what— what's wrong with him?

141. Sometimes I can catch him before he hits ground, Al.

142. He seems fast asleep.

143. I mean, is this what you were telling me about?

144. Totally man.

145. The Bach just keeps crashing for no reason.

146. Like one minute, he's having some chow

147. or getting freaky at a club and the next he just drops out,

148. totally out of it.

149. He told me it happened once when he was in the middle

150. of banging some fat chick with a super-hairy cooter.

151. Eloquent as usual, Larnell.

152. Dude, I'm just upset.

153. Bach keeps crashing for no reason.

154. Probably why he got fired from Sloppy Burger today.

155. Started snoring when he was grilling burgers

156. and fell asleep or something.

157. Doesn't remember anything when he wakes up neither.

158. I always gotta fill him in on what's being going on.

159. Yeah well, it sounds like he's narcoleptic.

160. Narcs?

161. Dude, we don't mention narco in this house.

162. Larnell, narcolepsy is a medical condition

163. characterized by a sudden uncontrollable desire for sleep.

164. He needs to be taken to a doctor.

165. - Forget that. No doctors. - Why not?

166. Bunch of quacks, all of 'em.

167. - Of course they are. - They're in league with the pharmaceutical companies,

168. pushing pills on us we don't need

169. and keeping weed off the shelves, dicks.

170. But Bachman needs help.

171. - That's why I called you. - No, I mean professional help.

172. Man, doctors, hospitals,

173. they wouldn't be able to do anything.

174. Yeah, and I can?

175. - I mean I'm not qualified— - Just zip it for a second, okay?

176. Bachman's not the only one.

177. Have you been narcoleptic too?

178. No man, not me, it's something else.

179. We'll talk about me later.

180. You seen Brett lately?

181. I heard he was playing baseball. Somewhere down south wasn't it,

182. a minor league team?

183. Not anymore man. Just wait until you see him.

184. Why? What's going on?

185. Get my back, Al.

186. - Just get the door. - Could be 5-0.

187. Who is it? Who is it?

188. Who the fuck do you think it is, cock-knocker?

189. You're the dipshit that called me.

190. - Hey, hey, hey.

191. What's up, B?

192. Sorry man, you're bigger than last time I saw you.

193. Ginormous.

194. Oh yeah, well, whatever. Look, Luann's parking the car.

195. She had to drive me here. My gut won't even fit underneath

196. the steering wheel.

197. Bummer, come on.

198. Buddy! - Oh, God! oh!

199. You know it's really, it's okay.

200. I know. I know, okay.

201. I— you don't have to say anything. I'm hideous.

202. No. I mean, it's not that Brett. It's just not—

203. It's just unexpected. That's all.

204. Man.

205. Okay, okay, okay. I know he's a fat ass.

206. Just go ahead and say it.

207. Hey Luann, you sure know how to make a guy feel good.

208. A ray of sunshine as always.

209. Dude no, I seriously cannot be seen in public with him.

210. Like not when he is like that.

211. Oh my God.

212. I mean seriously, like, what will people think of me?

213. I don't know. Maybe they'd think

214. you're his caring girlfriend,

215. who loved him no matter what he looked like.

216. Dude, are you fucking kidding me?

217. He is like a fat-assed flabby whale, okay?

218. He should have, like, Greenpeace boats circling around him.

219. Thanks, hon, appreciate that.

220. Dude, what reeks in here?

221. You don't wanna know.

222. Oh my God, Larnell, you are such a slob.

223. Hey Luann, shut up, okay? I gotta talk to the fellas?

224. Don't you tell me to shut up or you can just roll your fat ass home.

225. Sure thing, Mrs. Jenny Craig. Vamoose.

226. Sorry about that guys.

227. Thanks for coming over, Al.

228. Bach told me he's gonna call you.

229. Oh my gosh, Brett, what happened?

230. I mean it hasn't been that long since I've seen you.

231. Certainly not long enough for that.

232. Yeah, I don't know what it is man. I just, I can't stop eating.

233. Oh, don't.

234. Oh shit.

235. Is that Bachman?

236. Yeah, don't mind him, B.

237. We'll catch you up to speed later, man.

238. You got anything to eat in this dump?

239. Yeah, in the kitch.

240. Oh, oh. - Would you watch it?

241. Oh my God, my nail!

242. - Pizza.

243. Ooh, ooh. How old is this?

244. I don't know, a few days.

245. - Are those anchovies? - Go for it.

246. What's the green stuff?

247. Probably mold, man. It's been sitting a while.

248. I can work with that.

249. Why don't you just go eat some garbage while you're at it?

250. I don't understand Brett, I mean,

251. you used to be the picture of health.

252. I mean, you were an athlete.

253. No shit. Now I'm so fat I can't even see my own dick.

254. - Oh god, me neither.

255. Monkey.

256. Bachman, bro!

257. Yeah!

258. - What's up dude? - What's up bro?

259. Do I know you?

260. Dude it's me, Brett.

261. Holy shit, Jabba the Hutt.

262. Look at your man-boobs.

263. At least I'm not the one with vomit on my shirt, you hock-knock.

264. Oh how did that happen?

265. Remember, Bachman, you were at work and the kid

266. - with the avocado burger. - Oh yeah,

267. some kid blew chunks on me today at work.

268. I was singing a sloppy burger song, yeah.

269. Shit.

270. Dude what the hell happened to that idiot?

271. Dude bounced off my gut.

272. Thanks for being there to break his fall, man.

273. Man, what's his problem, bro? I mean, he used to get cracked

274. if he got baked but not like this.

275. Wait a minute!

276. All right, Bachman has narcolepsy. He's always sleepy.

277. Brett can't stop eating. He's always hungry.

278. Yeah, man, I've got the constant munchies, dude.

279. It's exaggerated side effects of smoking pot.

280. How long has Bachman been exhibiting these symptoms?

281. I don't know couple of weeks, something like that.

282. And how about you, Brett?

283. How long have you been eating like that?

284. About the same, maybe a little bit less.

285. You put on all that weight in less than two weeks?

286. This shit's not cool.

287. Yeah.

288. Oh, let's see, Bachman then Brett. They were two of the first

289. to be affected by the bong along with Larnell,

290. who doesn't seem to be—

291. Get off me. Get off me, you fucking freak.

292. Dude, what the hell is your fucking problem?

293. Luann, I didn't mean to.

294. Sometimes I can't control my sexual urges.

295. Urges?

296. Dude, you were fucking dry-humping her

297. like a little German Shepherd Chihuahua combo.

298. B, I didn't mean it. You know Luann's not my type.

299. Not your type, what?

300. Are you a homo-alien?

301. Now what exactly is going on, Larnell?

302. Dude, it's what I was trying to tell you.

303. My sexual urges make me pounce like a fucking cougar.

304. Lowered inhibitions is another side effect.

305. How long has it been going on?

306. Couple weeks, but I think it's getting worse.

307. Oh, that is so gross.

308. Wait, wait, wait, don't you see the three of you

309. were the first to smoke from the bong.

310. I mean, somehow you're having delayed side effects,

311. exaggerated side effects.

312. Well how do we stop it?

313. That's a good question.

314. You smoked from the bong too, Al.

315. Yeah, not until later.

316. Maybe my side effects won't present themselves until later.

317. Dude hello, I smoked from the bong at the same time as the fatso over there did.

318. Hey, shut it! - Oh no, but she's right,

319. I mean this affliction seems to be somewhat

320. selective in its victims.

321. It's the bong, bro.

322. She's the one doing this fucking shit to us. We gotta stop it.

323. - Ah! Little self-control, Larnell, please. Oh, fuck, dude.

324. I'm gonna cum. Dude, I'm gonna fucking cum.

325. Here I cum.

326. - Something's fucking with my head, bro. - Me too, man.

327. This shit is gonna get worse if we don't stop it.

328. Yeah and before the rest of us are affected.

329. That's why I called you, dude.

330. You're the smartest guy I know.

331. But I can't do anything without more information.

332. We need to find somebody who can tell us more about the bong

333. and its history.

334. Like who? Jimbo's dead.

335. What about the shipping service?

336. You know, the one who delivered the bong to you?

337. [Al] I don't suppose you still have the receipt?

338. There's a method to this madness.

339. I know where everything is in this place. I'm like a fucking pack rat.

340. Dude, I seriously worry about the rat parts.

341. You— you really—

342. Check this out, boom. There.

343. I'll have to make some calls.

344. Hey, whatever you need to do, man.

345. - Sorry... - [Al] I mean, this may take a while,

346. - I can't... - I mean, I guess if I...

347. - I have to take Shamu back to SeaWorld. - Hey, fuck you!

348. You wanna go to a party?

349. Go to a party. I don't need your fucking sympathy.

350. Fine, why don't you just go have your little idiots give you a ride home?

351. Vamoose! Have a good time sticking your finger down your throat garden salad.

352. I need reassurance. How's my hair?

353. How's my nails?

354. Let's get down to business.

355. Yes, thank you.

356. That was the delivery service. They had to match up the receipt number to—

357. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cut to the chase, Al.

358. - You find the guy or not? - Yes.

359. It turns out he's on a delivery not too far from here.

360. I had to pretend we had a package for pickup

361. just to get them to send him over.

362. Devious, man. I'm proud of you.

363. You know, I have to admit

364. duplicity gave me somewhat of a charge.

365. Oh, I hate that vegetarian shit.

366. Man, I'm starving. You guys got anything to eat in this dump?

367. Hey, when did you get here?

368. Don't you remember?

369. Dude, this stuff's getting worse.

370. Me too, man, I've never been so starving.

371. Yo, fat boy, what's up man?

372. - You are huge. - Yeah, I know, we talked about this already.

373. Ah, queer.

374. Probably could see your ass from space.

375. Oh, that must be the delivery guy.

376. Let me see.

377. Are you sure?

378. Who else would it be?

379. Hey, bro, you never know.

380. The feds might be sending guys after me cause of that book I'm gonna write.

381. They don't want me to expose their secret.

382. Oh for the love of Twinkies, open up the door.

383. I'll make sure.

384. You guys got a pickup?

385. Ah, well actually...

386. - you see I didn't— Hang on, Al.

387. Who sent you?

388. Who didn't send me.

389. Who didn't send you? What do you mean?

390. No, not What, Who.

391. That's what I'm asking.

392. I know you're asking What but you wanna know if Who sent me.

393. "If who sent you." Dude, what are you talking about?

394. I'm not talking about What. You're the one that keeps bringing it up.

395. - When? - Yes.

396. Yes, what?

397. No, yes When, that's who sent me.

398. - What? - No, When.

399. Would you two cock-knockers shut the fuck up?

400. It's like a comedian routine, those old guys.

401. Yeah, Abbott and Costello.

402. Who? Who?

403. Nothing.

404. Ah, listen, Mr. Delivery Man, Mr...

405. Call me Rabbit.

406. Okay, very well then, Mr. Rabbit.

407. No just Rabbit.

408. Okay.

409. Look, sometime ago you delivered a package to us.

410. Although we were living in a different apartment

411. - near the university at that time. - If you say so.

412. Look, inside the package was something very...

413. unique.

414. Dude, in the box was a bong, an evil bong.

415. I remember that bong.

416. - You do? - Yeah.

417. I had to wait for the lady to pack it up before I delivered it to you guys.

418. She told me stories about it.

419. Which stories?

420. I might remember a little better if you were to share some of that herbal essence.

421. Herbal...

422. He's talking about the ganja, bro.

423. Get me a light bro. Hit this.

424. Great.

425. Okay.

426. - She was divorcing her husband. - Yeah, that would be Jimbo.

427. Yeah, that was his name.

428. She said he bought that bong in South America

429. when he was in the Peace Corps in the '60s.

430. When he brought it back, it killed half his friends

431. before he locked it away in the attic.

432. - Fuck. - She told me stories, man. They seared into my brain...

433. And you delivered it to us without telling us and warning us first?

434. I was just happy to get the son-of-a-bitch off my truck.

435. All right, listen Mr... sorry, Rabbit,

436. I don't suppose you recall

437. the lady mentioning where Jimbo got the bong.

438. I mean, where in South America?

439. I remember.

440. I remember.

441. These bugs are bigger than Brett.

442. Hey, do any of you dingle-berries know where we are?

443. Maybe we took a wrong turn at the river.

444. Dude, we took a wrong turn in Pomona.

445. - This was the dumbest idea. - No it wasn't.

446. Look in order to cure your afflictions,

447. we need to research the bong's origins.

448. We need to find where Jimbo bought the bong.

449. In order to do that, we need to find

450. where he was serving in the Peace Corps in the '60s.

451. It's around here somewhere, if you remembered right.

452. I remembered right.

453. Hey, what did we bring the delivery dude for again?

454. Hey, I got a $200 a week job I have to get up at 5am for.

455. What am I missing out on? Plus, trip to the Amazon

456. on somebody else's dime sounded like a good idea to me.

457. Yeah, on my dime. On my credit card to be exact.

458. By the way, thanks for that Al. I'm gonna get you back.

459. - Thanks buddy. - Yeah, I'm sure you will.

460. Monkey.

461. You've seen plenty of monkeys since we've been out here, B, so what?

462. No dude, monkey like in bad shit.

463. - Dude, there's more of them.

464. - Oh, no, no.

465. No, wait. Wait!

466. It's a hut.

467. Let's bounce guys. With all these skulls, cannibals are living here.

468. They love to snack on stupid white dudes.

469. Look, the chances of any cannibals

470. living in this region is remote at best.

471. At least I hope it's remote.

472. They'll tie us up and roast us alive.

473. Then they'll cut off the top of our skulls and scoop our brains out while we're still cooking.

474. That's a delicacy to them.

475. Great, I could go for eatin' some of that.

476. Dude, you're ill.

477. Look, I guarantee those skulls are a warning to scare cannibals away,

478. not an indication that any cannibals actually live here.

479. - If you're so sure, why don't you go knock? - Yeah.

480. Any of you guys coming with me?

481. - Hell no. - I don't wanna get eaten bro.

482. Just look at it this way, Al.

483. Some of those cannibals might be getting smarter by eating your brains.

484. You'd be doing them a favor.

485. Circle of life, bro.

486. Circle of life.

487. Better you than me.

488. Thanks a lot, guys.

489. Cannibal chick.

490. Who are you guys and what do you want?

491. We uh— My name is Alistair and we're from California.

492. We seem to be a bit lost, Ms...

493. Velicity.

494. [Al] Velicity.

495. Could you maybe...

496. Sorry about that.

497. You have to be careful around here.

498. Who's we?

499. My father and I.

500. Well my dad passed away a few months ago.

501. His partner and I are continuing his scientific research.

502. The skulls are meant to scare away the locals.

503. I'm sorry, we didn't mean to intrude,

504. but we could certainly use some guidance.

505. Oh, and eat,

506. if you have anything.

507. I suppose it's all right if you come in for a while.

508. My partner's out gathering samples. He won't be back until later.

509. Bach. Bach.

510. Is he okay?

511. It's a long story.

512. Oh man, this shit is good. What is this?

513. Grub stew. Took me a long time to cook out some of the taste.

514. - What you guys have told me is fascinating.

515. Well, it's kinda hard for us to see it that way when we're living it.

516. So he can't stop eating.

517. This one's a narcoleptic. And you...

518. Oh, knock it off, perv.

519. Sorry dude, my chode's on fire.

520. Listen Velicity, hey, you mind if I call you V?

521. Not at all.

522. Sorry about that, V, I can't help myself.

523. So I gathered. A lowering of sexual inhibition.

524. Fascinating.

525. And you guys think that this has something to do

526. with this strange bong you told me about?

527. Yes, we do.

528. An evil bong, that's what it was, fucking evil.

529. Is it just me or do you smell weed?

530. You know, I was going to mention that, but my nose isn't quite as attuned

531. - to the fragrance as all of yours. - Why don't you tell me more

532. about this evil bong?

533. You think maybe it came from this area?

534. Perhaps. But I mean this would have been, like,

535. 40 years ago.

536. I mean, I understand the chances of us finding

537. any traces of its origin are slim,

538. but seems our only recourse.

539. I may be able to tell you more about it if I could see it.

540. - You said it was destroyed? - Fuckin' A.

541. - Any pictures of it? - Not that I'm aware of.

542. Larnell?

543. Might be able to do one better.

544. Look at this.

545. See.

546. Incredible. - Larnell, you didn't tell me there was any of it left.

547. Why'd you bring 'em? As if that thing

548. didn't cause us enough problems as it is.

549. Thought they might come in handy.

550. This is truly remarkable.

551. [Al] What do you make of it?

552. I've never seen anything like it.

553. Not personally, at least, I mean, I've read about it in obscure science journals

554. but I never thought there was any truth to it.

555. [Al] Any truth to what?

556. If I'm right, this appears to be

557. the workmanship of an ancient tribe

558. rumored to have lived in this vicinity eons ago

559. and no one's ever laid eyes on them, but you know,

560. that's why the veracity of this story is in question

561. but I've often heard them whispered about in the marketplace,

562. you know. Villagers tell their kids stories around the campfire at night.

563. Stories about who?

564. Yes, who is this mysterious tribe?

565. The Poontang tribe.

566. Fuckin' Poontang.

567. - Good one. You had us going. - Yeah, yes.

568. I realize this may sound ridiculous,

569. but I didn't make it up. I mean, the name's been around for generations.

570. Okay, okay.

571. Maybe somebody's putting you on, like the villagers

572. pulling one over on the white American girl. You know what I mean?

573. Unbelievable, you know.

574. You guys wanna stick around and listen to this horse dukey?

575. The Poontang tribe is not a joke.

576. Okay whatever.

577. We believe in the Poontang.

578. Dudes! Cannibal chick.

579. - When did I chip my tooth? - Here Bachman, have some water.

580. Okay.

581. - [Al] What's so funny?

582. It's so stubby.

583. Fuck.

584. Dude, you're sporting half a wood.

585. Maybe he's Mr. Poontang.

586. Yeah, we gotta stop this shit. I need a cure quick.

587. I think I just might be able to help you guys after all.

588. Just give me a few hours.

589. Hey!

590. You don't believe all that talk about Poontang tribe, do you?

591. Don't say "Poontang."

592. I'm hoping some exercise will take my mind off this perpetual boner.

593. I got a purple vein popping through.

594. - Hey, hey, you all right? - Shooting pain.

595. - Breath, breath. - I'm breathing.

596. I wouldn't mind running into some native women right now.

597. - I could use some exercise. - That's what I'm talking about.

598. Whoa, look at this.

599. I told you I smell weed.

600. Huh!

601. Look at this, the motherlode.

602. Huh.

603. Well...

604. This is some major herbage.

605. This is gonna pay for my trip back and then some.

606. Goodbye, delivery service.

607. We could go to Amsterdam.

608. Unfucking believable.

609. Holy shit, Grandpa?

610. I traveled halfway around the world and I still can't shake you.

611. You're like a genital wart.

612. You know this dude?

613. Yeah, it's my grandpa C.

614. But dude where's the wheelchair?

615. You haven't walked since I was a kid.

616. Yeah, well, things change, obviously.

617. Now what the hell are you doing here

618. you worthless little douchebag?

619. Dude, no love? Where's the hug?

620. Don't mess with me, you little cocksucker.

621. Now answer my question.

622. You still haven't told me how come you're walking.

623. That's on a need-to-know,

624. and you certainly don't need to know.

625. Now, what the fuck are you doing here?

626. Well if that's the way you're gonna play it,

627. then that's on a need-to-know too.

628. What you need to know sonny boy,

629. is that if your incy wincy teeny little penis was a worm on a hook,

630. it wouldn't feed a goddamn guppy.

631. Hey, how about I just leave you two to your little love fest here, okay?

632. Stop, put it back.

633. - Oh. Hey, sorry. - Put it back.

634. I didn't know it belonged to anybody, okay.

635. You expect me to believe that load of horseshit?

636. You're as braindead as this micro-dick moron here.

637. - Calm it down, gramps. - Yeah, chill out man.

638. Why don't you try some of your stash and you know, chill?

639. Gramps, what are you doing with all this weed?

640. This weed, as you refer to it, is the culmination of years

641. of intensive and deep study and research.

642. Study, huh?

643. Well. Hey, you and I got the same ideas about learning?

644. How dare you mock me, you miserable little creep?

645. How dare I?

646. - Are you for real man? Wait a minute, "research"?

647. So you're working with Velicity.

648. - You know each other? - You know each other?

649. Velicity.

650. Larnell, Cyril,

651. what's going on out here?

652. This turd is my grandson.

653. Now where do you know him from, young lady?

654. Well he and his friends came here looking for help.

655. Friends?

656. Don't tell me that he's brought those bunch of morons with him.

657. They're in the hut.

658. Useless, useless as a disease infected jockstrap, all of them.

659. Dude.

660. I told you, we can't have intruders.

661. This land still belongs to my father, so I have a say who comes here.

662. Yeah well, all right,

663. but I want them out of here by sundown.

664. Wait, he's your grandfather?

665. Loving, ain't he?

666. You two need Dr. Phil to the rescue, big time.

667. It's a very special type of marijuana,

668. grows only here deep in the jungle.

669. My father's been researching it for years

670. and I took a leave from medical school to assist him.

671. Well, Cyril knew my dad from college,

672. and after dad passed away a few months ago,

673. Cyril agreed to help with finances. I mean,

674. I couldn't have continued the research without him.

675. Research my ass.

676. That stuff is packaged to move.

677. Old Cyril is going into business.

678. That stuff is worth millions on the street.

679. I assure you that is not the case.

680. My research is legitimate.

681. Then why keep it secret?

682. What do you mean?

683. Earlier, when we said we smelt marijuana,

684. you changed the subject.

685. Because I'm not ready for the world to know.

686. While the value of the drug is high on the black market.

687. Its potential value as a medicinal tool is infinite.

688. You mean like people smoking it for glaucoma,

689. trying to cope with pain and stuff.

690. Much more powerful than that.

691. How do you think your grandfather is able to walk again?

692. No shit?

693. I believe that this drug has curative powers

694. that could vanquish almost any ailment,

695. even cancer. I'm convinced of it.

696. - Herpes? - A cure for cancer?

697. Whoa.

698. You know, I'm kinda ailing right now.

699. I could probably use some of that weed.

700. That's exactly what I was thinking.

701. I felt you three would be the perfect candidates for a controlled test.

702. But with Cyril so worked up right now, he won't let us anywhere near it.

703. Well, this is your lucky day, sister.

704. - Dude, you sneak. - Monkey.

705. They don't call me the delivery man for nothing.

706. I'm a professional.

707. Look the pieces of the bong.

708. Oh, I know that smell anywhere.

709. That smells like home, but I haven't been home for years.

710. Dude, I think I'm tweaking. I'm hearing shit.

711. No man, we're all hearing it.

712. Hey, what? Wait a minute. What happened to me?

713. I'm all busted up.

714. Astounding.

715. Seems that her proximity to the marijuana

716. has brought her back to life.

717. - Dudes, it's super weed. This shit is wack.

718. When I find out who fucked me up, I'm gonna fuck them up.

719. What can get her to shut the fuck up?

720. We need to get her, it, away from the marijuana.

721. Allow me.

722. Oh, get your hands off me,

723. or I'll throw down on your ass.

724. Hey guys, that thing maybe worth more than the weed.

725. What are you talking about?

726. Think about it. We put the talking bong on TV.

727. Letterman, The Tonight Show, sitcoms.

728. Awesome.

729. Yeah, we could get the guy from Friends, right,

730. and him and the bong move into an apartment,

731. and he's really neat but the bong's messy.

732. He's always having to clean up after it. It'd be fucking awesome, dude.

733. Are you nuts? The last thing we want is for that thing to be alive again, trust me.

734. Yeah, we'd have to kill it... again.

735. First things first, knockers.

736. We gotta be the guinea pigs.

737. - Let's medicate. - Are you guys up for it?

738. Fucking A.

739. But also I got to lose a few extra pounds.

740. I'm in.

741. Bros, this is some pretty strong shit.

742. - Oh, shit. - Hey, give me some of that.

743. It's for medicinal purposes, Rabbit, not recreational.

744. Well, come to mention it, I'm getting a little itchy...

745. throat.

746. Rabbit, we're trying to conduct a controlled experiment.

747. Do you mind? I wanna show this to Cyril and see what he makes of it.

748. I wouldn't if I were you. Dude can't be trusted.

749. I think you are overreacting.

750. Not at all, V, my Etch A Sketch got ganked when I was six.

751. I knew it was gramps. I just couldn't prove it, fucker.

752. I admit he can be a bit of a handful,

753. but he made a promise to my father

754. to always treat me as an equal partner

755. and not go against my wishes.

756. Well if you say so. He seems to like you at least.

757. Hey, sorry about all this.

758. You know, if we caused you any problems.

759. On the contrary, it's nice to have a little excitement around here for a change.

760. Thanks Velicity.

761. Dude, you two would be good together.

762. - [Al] Why do you say that? - Because you're both brainiacs.

763. I have to say her intelligence makes her all the more alluring,

764. but it's not me she seems attracted to.

765. - [Al] It's you. - Get out of Dodge!

766. Seriously.

767. I may not know much about women, but I have read

768. that it is the male upon whom the affection is showered

769. who is often the least aware of the attention.

770. Dude, I don't think I know what you just said.

771. It's clear to me, as an outside observer,

772. that Velicity is attracted to you.

773. Dumb nuts, she's giving you the total fuck-me-eyes.

774. Word.

775. What would she want with a skateboard humper like me?

776. The mysteries of the female are myriad and complex.

777. - Dude. - That hurt.

778. Dude, help me get him up.

779. Is he gonna be okay, man?

780. Dude, you gave me a black eye with your boner.

781. Sorry, bro.

782. Like V's gonna fall for a guy with constant wood.

783. Hey man, more importantly than that,

784. the super weed's not working man.

785. Bach keeps crashing, man. I'm a whale

786. and you're a walking Viagra ad.

787. [Al] You guys have to give it more time.

788. These symptoms won't vanish instantaneously.

789. Look, why don't you guys lie down, get some sleep

790. like Bachman?

791. Yeah, what he said.

792. I'll take care of that for you.

793. Stoner.

794. That's not enough.

795. Not nearly enough.

796. That buyer of yours is gonna have to do a lot better than that.

797. I don't want any of your excuses, you little fuck.

798. This is the score of a lifetime

799. and I'm not gonna throw it away for peanuts.

800. - God damn it, fool.

801. Oh, I smell it again. I know I do.

802. - Oh, that's the good stuff. - Who's that? Who's there?

803. - Who's that? - Cyril.

804. Oh Velicity, my dear,

805. I thought I heard a strange voice.

806. You watch who you're calling strange, motherfucker.

807. - What's that? It's nothing.

808. You lied to me, Cyril.

809. What do you mean?

810. - About the marijuana? - Well, what about it?

811. She's talking about the ganja, the primo stuff.

812. - My sweet, sweet weed. - What's going on?

813. I heard you on the phone.

814. Rabbit was right, you are gonna sell it on the black market.

815. Listen to me Velicity.

816. I quit my schooling to come down here.

817. My father knew his research would improve medicine around the world

818. and you promised you understood that.

819. Don't be so naive girl.

820. Do you imagine that when the big drug companies

821. find out about this marijuana,

822. that you're gonna stand any chance to lay any claim to it?

823. They'd squeeze you out of the equation just as quick as they could,

824. as if you'd never even existed.

825. I don't care about that,

826. as long as the drug helps save lives.

827. Aw, your poor bleeding heart.

828. Well I suppose you're a doctor so you have to care.

829. Well I'm not a doctor. I'm a capitalist

830. and I don't give two shits about saving lives.

831. All I wanna do is to sell this stuff for as much as I can

832. so I can get myself out of this goddamn

833. stinking armpit of the world.

834. Hey, you best watch your tongue.

835. This armpit used to be my crib.

836. What have you got there?

837. Where did you get this?

838. Larnell and his friends brought it.

839. Are those morons still around?

840. I thought I told you to get rid of them.

841. Larnell warned me not to trust you.

842. Oh, don't listen to that braindead abortion.

843. What you need to do is to put him and his rebel

844. on the first boat out of here, preferably one with a slow leak.

845. They need my help.

846. This is fantastic.

847. It reminds me of those ancient ruins

848. that your father showed me once.

849. It's the work of the Poontang tribe.

850. Oh, I don't want to hear nothing

851. about those bitches. They stole my man from me.

852. What makes it speak?

853. Did you just call me an it?

854. I am not an it, motherfucker. I am 100% grade A female.

855. I think it's the marijuana.

856. You're damn right it's the marijuana, sugar.

857. I need me another taste of that.

858. Go back to the hut, Velicity. We can talk later.

859. And don't be surprised if I'm not there when you get back.

860. But be sure to take those dipshit dunderheads

861. with you.

862. You're wonderful...

863. worth your weight in gold, I bet.

864. You ain't so bad yourself honey.

865. Now did I hear you right?

866. You're really gonna sell this stuff on the street, huh?

867. Well, perhaps.

868. Well now, I know something about the street.

869. First thing's first. I'll tell you how to use

870. some of that sweet weed to put me back together.

871. Then you and me are gonna rule the world, whiskers.

872. Whoa whoa yeah.

873. I told you guys that was packaged to move.

874. It's worth millions on the street.

875. Hey, not now, Rabbit.

876. Well, can't you see Velicity is upset?

877. Oh, sorry.

878. I'm just saying maybe old Cyril was on to something.

879. Especially, if he cut you in on the action.

880. It was supposed to be used for medicine.

881. I was gonna cure cancer.

882. You don't know if that weed's gonna work on those three.

883. Why don't you wait and see if it cures a blubber belly

884. and a perpetual boner before you start thinking

885. about wiping out the big C.

886. [Al] You know Rabbit, I really don't think

887. you're qualified to judge the medicinal merits—

888. No wait.

889. He makes a good point. Crude but valid.

890. I mean, your friends here are case studies number one, two

891. and three and as a scientist, it behooves me to wait

892. for their results before looking into the future.

893. Hopefully, it won't be much longer.

894. Well, it behooves me to stretch my legs.

895. I'll see you guys later.

896. How long have you known him?

897. Not long, why?

898. It's nothing, never mind.

899. I really hope they'll be all right.

900. Mm. Woo.

901. Now that's what I'm talking about.

902. - How do you feel? How do I look baby?

903. Like a million bucks!

904. You ever seen such a bootylicious brick house

905. in all your life? I don't think so.

906. Amazing.

907. I'll say that's some super-weed you got.

908. Oh, you again?

909. What do you want now you cretinous fuck hole?

910. Hey, I could ask you the same thing.

911. Except maybe the cretin part.

912. I gotta tell you, I don't think it was a good idea putting

913. - her back together. - Why not?

914. She's a killer.

915. What sweet little old me, a killer?

916. Now, why you got to go and diss me like that?

917. She's offed more victims than Charlie Manson.

918. - Say what? - Just watch your back.

919. You're the one that needs to watch his back.

920. Yeah, what he said.

921. You guys won't hurt me.

922. Yeah, I grind assholes like you up for breakfast.

923. Well, not this asshole. You can use me.

924. - You? - Think about it.

925. Who's gonna oversee your shipments, your deliveries?

926. You? You don't want to get your little rich-boy hands

927. all dirty, huh?

928. And she doesn't have any arms.

929. I suppose you might have a point there.

930. Now, all we gotta do is negotiate my cut.

931. Ah!

932. That smells good. I sure am hungry.

933. He's hungry. That's not a good sign.

934. Hey dish me up some of that, would you?

935. - What? I tinkled myself? - Brett, you're skinny again.

936. Wha—

937. Ho— Holy shit, my blubber's gone.

938. [Al] Yeah.

939. Yo, chunky ass, you lost all your cellulite.

940. - Really, yeah. - A duh, I know.

941. Hey Bachman, how do you feel?

942. I'm stoked bro.

943. Best I've felt in a while. Thank you for asking.

944. Hey, what's next doctor?

945. Turn my head and cough?

946. No, I'm not gonna put the rubber glove on either,

947. as much as much as I think you might like it.

948. Shit.

949. What about you, Larnell, how do you feel?

950. I think I feel okay.

951. I don't have the sudden urge to hump the table or Brett's armpit.

952. - That's good. - Sorry dude.

953. Come over here guys. Why don't I dish you up?

954. - Man. - There you go.

955. - Mm. Cool. - Mm. Good.

956. So that's pretty much the ballpark I had in mind, Cyril.

957. You must be stoned on some of that weed.

958. I wouldn't pay a floor manager in one of my factories

959. that kind of money, and I certainly wouldn't pay it

960. to a shit licking loser like you.

961. - Don't let him screw you, my man. - Take it or leave it, asshole.

962. But keep in mind, if you don't take it,

963. when I get back to civilization, I may drop a dime

964. on your little illegal operation.

965. Oh, you're a puss oozing syphilitic prick.

966. He's a rascal.

967. Hey now, "rascal," I like that.

968. I suppose if I'm gonna dip my toe in to this line of work,

969. I'm gonna have to get used to working with sewage scum like you.

970. - You are a dapper man. - Ooh, you bitches best step off.

971. Who the hell are you calling a bitch?

972. She's not speaking to us, retard.

973. Oh.

974. Amazing. It must be the Poontang tribe.

975. I'll say. Oh, you don't understand.

976. There's never been any proof that they ever existed.

977. No one's ever seen them before, not since the stone age.

978. Looks like she wants the bong.

979. You keep her away from me, you hear?

980. Those bitches stole my man.

981. Don't let 'em take the weed, whatever you do.

982. Not so fast, you tribal twat.

983. Hey now that— Whoa, whoa, whoa!

984. Ladies, ladies, you don't— okay, okay you don't have to tell me twice.

985. Back off, back off you skanky jungle hoes.

986. Thanks for everything, V.

987. No, thank you.

988. I'm really glad you stumbled in here.

989. It finally gave me a chance to test the medicinal properties of the drug.

990. Glad I could be your guinea pig. Almost hate to be taking off.

991. Well, who says you have to go so soon?

992. Al's got to get back to school, Brett's got baseball,

993. and Bachman's gotta sell drugs to underage kids.

994. And you?

995. I'm kinda writing a book.

996. About what? It's about the multi-level

997. conspiracy being perpetuated in the public by institutes

998. of higher learning. Might sound kinda dumb, huh?

999. Don't know if you're into that sort of thing?

1000. On the contrary, I'm very interested.

1001. Really?

1002. Really.

1003. Wish you'd stay and tell me about it.

1004. Don't know if gramps would like that too much.

1005. Who cares what he thinks? Fuck 'em.

1006. God damn fuck holes.

1007. - [Al] Gramps. Oh my— Get him some water.

1008. Right on it.

1009. Cyril, you okay?

1010. Gramps, what happened?

1011. It was, it was the Poontang tribe.

1012. Dude's delirious.

1013. They took the bong and that dumb shit...

1014. - Rabbit? - Couldn't stop them.

1015. - Brutal. - They can't have gone far.

1016. Go after them. You can track him down.

1017. Find those bong napping bitches.

1018. Shh.

1019. Oh baby, how you been?

1020. You're as beautiful as ever.

1021. And you're as ugly as ever, motherfucker.

1022. I hoped I'd seen the last of you after the way you treated me.

1023. Oh baby, don't be that way. Give me a kiss and let's make up.

1024. You must be tripping.

1025. I ain't gonna be smooching on you after you've been

1026. hanging around with those skanks.

1027. Skanks? You must mean skankalicious.

1028. Look at them, oh, these are my ladies.

1029. Don't you be talking bad about them. Mm-hmm.

1030. Not at all, lady.

1031. I used to be your lady, motherfucker, till you got

1032. - the taste for jungle poon. - Now let's talk about this baby.

1033. - Talk to the hand, jive ass. Ooh.

1034. This is some crazy shit.

1035. Huh? Okay. You don't have to twist my arm.

1036. Twist that on down for him right there.

1037. There, put that in your mouth. Mm-hm. Look at you sucking on it

1038. like it's your cousin's tit. That's right. Put it in there.

1039. Feels good, uh-huh. Now, how does that taste, my brother?

1040. Yeah, blow it out. Blow it.

1041. Look at you rolling your eyes in the back of your head

1042. like that. Like somebody just fucked you up your ass.

1043. I said it, "fucked you up your ass."

1044. Come on. Mm, that's good stuff, ain't it?

1045. Up to your old tricks again, I see.

1046. Well if anybody here would know

1047. anything about old tricks it would be you.

1048. Baby that's the way I roll, boom shacka lacka bitch.

1049. - We have to rescue Rabbit. - Yeah— No, are you kidding?

1050. Dude that sounds like a terrible idea. It could be dangerous.

1051. I say we get the hell out of here.

1052. I'm gonna miss my shift at Sloppy Burger.

1053. - Dude, you got fired last week, remember? - Oh, shit.

1054. We've gotta get Rabbit out of there.

1055. How are we supposed to fight a whole jungle tribe?

1056. A tribe of women.

1057. Women with spears. You think it's the other way around,

1058. Rabbit would come looking for one of us?

1059. That's not the point. Look without Rabbit's help,

1060. none of us would have gotten here in the first place.

1061. You'd still weigh 400 pounds, you'd still be narcoleptic...

1062. - Narco? - ... and you would still be

1063. in a state of constant arousal.

1064. Come on guys, we owe this to Rabbit.

1065. He's right.

1066. - Yeah. Monkey.

1067. I can't impress upon you enough how dangerous the Poontang tribe

1068. is reputed to be.

1069. Ow.

1070. With a name like Poontang, they're probably a bunch of pussies.

1071. Could be fun.

1072. Now where the fuck these motherfuckers think they're going?

1073. Just shut up, shut up. Let me handle this shit.

1074. Look.

1075. Oh man, it's the evil fucking bong.

1076. Who put her back together?

1077. Well, it's good to see you too.

1078. Welcome to the jungle mofo.

1079. There's another one of them.

1080. Glad you took that dick out of your ass so you could see me.

1081. It's amazing. It appears to have been here for centuries.

1082. Oh, but I still got it sugar. Let me know if you ever want

1083. a little taste of this, hmm?

1084. This one can talk too, just like the other one?

1085. Don't let him play you, girl.

1086. He ain't all he's talked up to be.

1087. I'm still on your lips.

1088. Where's the delivery dude?

1089. I don't see no jungle babes either.

1090. Hey, remember what happened to us when we smoked

1091. - out of that one? - We went into the bong.

1092. No, our spirits went in. It wasn't until you guys were

1093. killed in the bong world that you guys actually died.

1094. What if this one is more powerful?

1095. And can transfer the entire physical being?

1096. Exactly.

1097. Wait are you— You're saying that Rabbit

1098. and the jungle babes are in that thing... alive?

1099. - That's bogus. - Cracker, who the fuck you calling bogus?

1100. I'm afraid our only chance of rescuing Rabbit is to go in after him.

1101. What if we get trapped in there?

1102. Think about this, bro. If we can go in physically,

1103. then we can get out physically.

1104. A wonderful bit of deductive reasoning, Larnell.

1105. - I have my moments. Look—

1106. Wait a second. Let's say we go in and get Rabbit.

1107. - Then what? - You got to destroy him, fool.

1108. You need to watch your mouth, girl, you hear me?

1109. You mean destroy this bong, this King Bong?

1110. - How do we do that? - Now you say something,

1111. I'll bust your ass. You hear me?

1112. You got to destroy his symbol of power.

1113. Oh see now I got to kill you, bitch, see?

1114. Symbol of power.

1115. Why you telling us this? Why help us destroy him?

1116. Because of the way he done me wrong.

1117. I used to be his one and only.

1118. Now, he's got all those young bitches in there.

1119. - Big boobs, skinny ass bitches. Oh, big boobs, skinny. Mm.

1120. You mean, you aren't gonna try to stop us?

1121. Hell no, he deserves whatever he gets.

1122. Now girlfriend why you got to do me like that? You love it.

1123. Hey I ain't your girlfriend anymore motherfucker.

1124. - You're going down. - I'm going down.

1125. The question is: do we believe her?

1126. - What choice do we have? - All right then, let's do this.

1127. Let's burn this motherfucker.

1128. Send Bachman first.

1129. Come on, B.

1130. Yeah, come on B, put it in your mouth.

1131. That's right. Suck on that. Oh yeah. Put your hands up

1132. like you're in a kung fu movie, bitch, 'cause you're coming with me.

1133. Ha ha!

1134. - Ho, ho, hocus pocus. - Oh yeah. Who gonna be next?

1135. Yeah, bring your punk ass up here. Come on, suck it

1136. just like you did in college with the basketball team.

1137. Now come on down here show me how it's really done.

1138. Yeah. This is gonna be good.

1139. You bitches coming to play right now.

1140. Oh!

1141. Oh! Now, it's gonna get fun.

1142. Welcome to mi casa, mibrothers.

1143. Go ahead, take your pick of one of these ladies.

1144. Oh yowsers.

1145. Hooker central, dude.

1146. That's right and the first one is on the house.

1147. Take a look at them. Mm-hmm, you like it.

1148. Who you looking at? Oh Tokeka, yes, that's the one.

1149. You like her, don't you?

1150. Yeah, that's what I thought.

1151. Go ahead and get yourself some Tokeka, bitch, go on.

1152. Oh, walk up on it. Walk up on it.

1153. Mm.

1154. Touch her. Touch her.

1155. Not each other, bitches. Touch her.

1156. Come on, come on, touch it, make it feel good.

1157. That's a boob.

1158. Oh yeah.

1159. Okay.

1160. That's all you can say, bitch, "That's a boob."

1161. Shit!

1162. Oh, that's right. Giggle like you're a Mormon in church, go on.

1163. You're in temple now, my temple, and things are gonna get very interesting.

1164. Come on now, come on now.

1165. Hold it like you're singing a show tune.

1166. That's right suck it.

1167. Come on, you coming down?

1168. Come on, gotcha, don't be scared step on up.

1169. Stupid ass, look at you.

1170. Rabbit's happy.

1171. Oh, hello.

1172. Release the twins.

1173. Rabbit, you're still alive?

1174. Hey, yeah, what are you doing here? Of course I'm still alive.

1175. We've gotta get you out of here.

1176. Are you crazy? Look at the babes.

1177. Don't you see? Their lubing you up for the slaughter.

1178. The only slaughter that's going on is in my pants.

1179. You know how many times I've been laid?

1180. Look, I don't have time to explain.

1181. We've got to destroy that King Bong and get out

1182. of here. Why aren't you listening to—

1183. Oh! Oh! Hi.

1184. Okay you— You know what? Uh...

1185. Step aside ma'am, I'm— I, I— I'm not a man who's prone

1186. to violence and I'm loathe to strike a woman

1187. but in this case, I would not rule out physical...

1188. Hey now that was, that was uncalled for.

1189. I mean— Hey— no, uh—

1190. Al, Kinky. Kinky.

1191. Here we go, here we go, we're gonna take it right there.

1192. We're gonna take it right there.

1193. Take it right there, Tokeka. Watch over him girl.

1194. That's right. Oh, that's right. Touch that booby boob

1195. let him know what it feels. Bring it on down for him.

1196. Uh, look at him. Just giggling 'cause he don't know what to do

1197. with it. Most white folks don't know what to do with it.

1198. Look at his eyes rolling in the back of his head.

1199. Girls throw it on him. Throw it on him. Throw it on him.

1200. Oh yeah, come on Tokeka stop this mess.

1201. Surprise little baby boys. Look down.

1202. Son of a— What?

1203. Dude we're tied up. Awesome.

1204. What?

1205. Yo dick, we blew it. We're supposed to come up

1206. with a can of whoop ass on King Bong and now look at us.

1207. We were thinking with our wieners again, Brett.

1208. Never trust your wiener. Damn it.

1209. Hey guys.

1210. Hey delivery dude.

1211. Hey, take it easy babe. I'm not really into the pain.

1212. Don't you get it Uncle Fester?

1213. They're gonna kill you man.

1214. That was what Al was trying to say.

1215. But, uh, you're not gonna really kill me, are you?

1216. I mean, no shit.

1217. No shit, pink dick. Come on now.

1218. But don't worry, it won't hurt, not much anyway.

1219. Mm.

1220. - That's good.

1221. Hey, hey, hey. You best get in there, white boy.

1222. I think your homies might be in trouble, double trouble.

1223. Maybe you should stay behind in case something happens.

1224. Oh Lord, hurry up over here, boy.

1225. I'm going in, baby.

1226. Now just grab the pipe, come on.

1227. And now you're gone.

1228. Good luck you crazy sucker. You're gonna need it.

1229. Trippy stuff.

1230. Al, wake up.

1231. I will strike you.

1232. Wait a minute.

1233. Dude, it's me Larnell.

1234. Oh my goodness.

1235. Ah! I must have been knocked unconscious.

1236. And it seems they've taken Rabbit.

1237. Where'd they take him?

1238. Unknown, but we better find out before it's too late.

1239. Come on.

1240. What are they gonna do to me?

1241. Man, I can't take. I don't want it...

1242. What if they cut my throat?

1243. What if they, what if they cut my heart out?

1244. Dude, you've got to calm down.

1245. I can't take pain. I can't take pain. No.

1246. What? What are they doing?

1247. What is this? Whoa!

1248. Come on now ladies, roll it out. Roll it out.

1249. What are they— Oh my goodness, that's butcher paper or something. What is that?

1250. Butcher paper.

1251. Butcher might not be the right word to use right now though.

1252. - What the... - God, they're twisting him up.

1253. Yeah. Twist it. Twist it. Good.

1254. Roll it tight, you know, like, like, like a lot of spit on it.

1255. - Come on, get that in.

1256. Come on y'all.

1257. They're turning him into a giant doobie.

1258. Lord. Lord, please I need your help here.

1259. If you get me out of this, I swear I'll stop smoking

1260. and drinking and whoring and...

1261. Well maybe not the whoring part.

1262. Right now you need to ask whether you're a doobie

1263. - or a don't be. - Look,

1264. the bong. Man, that bong's got bling, remember?

1265. We have to destroy its symbol of power.

1266. The medallion, bro.

1267. Look at me, looking all good. I'm about to smoke some shit up in this motherfucker.

1268. - Mm-hmm. - Exactly.

1269. Help. Okay girls.

1270. Oh yeah.

1271. Oh, what happened to the delivery dude?

1272. He's right there, on the floor.

1273. Come on now, girls. Show 'em what you're working with.

1274. Help, I'm a fucking doobie.

1275. He's tiny. He's tiny.

1276. - Shh. - Help me, help me.

1277. I'm a fucking doobie.

1278. Help.

1279. Okay girls, bring him over here.

1280. Help me, I'm a doobie.

1281. I'm gonna smoke this little bitch alive. Mm.

1282. What happened?

1283. I like the way you roll, baby.

1284. Help me.

1285. That's what I'm talking about right here.

1286. Why you screaming punk ass? Huh?

1287. Help me. Help.

1288. Ain't nobody gonna help you now.

1289. - He's gonna light me up. I'm gonna light your ass up.

1290. Aah nothing,

1291. I'm gonna take it and serve you in my mouth. Half of what.

1292. What you doing, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, huh?

1293. Help me, I'm a fucking doobie.

1294. Rabbit, are you all right?

1295. Come on man, I'm a fucking doobie. Help!

1296. Shut up.

1297. What the hell is going on over here?

1298. Wait a minute, what is that?

1299. Boy, you better give me that necklace back.

1300. Don't you touch that necklace. You know how much money

1301. I spent on that shit? You better— boy— Ow!

1302. Why you got to— Boy, I'm gonna whoop your monkey ass. You understand me?

1303. Don't you hit me again. Please, don't hit me.

1304. Please. I'm gonna have to kill you.

1305. Mama! Somebody please help me. He gonna take all my power.

1306. What the frick was that?

1307. I believe we did it.

1308. - No shit. - Monkey.

1309. Welcome back.

1310. You think it's gone for good?

1311. He better be. Good riddance to bad rush.

1312. Damn girl, that was something else.

1313. That was one hell of a trip, dudes.

1314. Now what?

1315. I guess it's time for us to go home.

1316. - Yeah, I'm with the professor. - Yeah.

1317. Lead the way.

1318. I think I'm gonna stick around for a while guys.

1319. I mean, if it's okay, V? Yeah.

1320. I could use some help transporting the marijuana

1321. back to the States.

1322. Those bigwigs at the pharmaceutical companies

1323. won't know what hit 'em.

1324. Are you sure your grandfather won't try and stop you?

1325. If he does, I'll put him back in a wheelchair.

1326. Oh nasty.

1327. Bye. - Thanks a lot.

1328. Catch you stateside my homies.

1329. Good luck.

1330. Take care, Al.

1331. Oh, no. I don't think it worked. You're getting excited again.

1332. That's all you baby, all you.

1333. Mm, that's what I'm talking about.

1334. Let's go.

1335. Hey.

1336. Wait, where you guys going? Hey.

1337. You— You leaving me here, by myself?

1338. Wait a minute, don't you walk away from me.

1339. Don't leave me here. It's nasty out here.

1340. Get me out of here.

1341. I have to admit that was quite an adventure.

1342. One I care not to repeat.

1343. It was monkey. There's no question about that.

1344. So are you going to be keeping the apartment until Larnell returns?

1345. You know, I'd like to bro, I really would.

1346. I'm just happy I got my job back at Sloppy Burger.

1347. Yeah.

1348. You know what I'm thinking?

1349. It's probably about time the old Bach got a little responsibility.

1350. Yes, well, taking the first step is always the most difficult.

1351. Mm, I'll get it.

1352. has a boyfriend. Who are you lady?

1353. Dude, monkey man, loser, it's me.

1354. - Dude, where's Brett? - He'll be right out.

1355. Hey Brett, Luann's here.

1356. Hey Lu.

1357. Brett, oh my God.

1358. Oh my God. I can finally put my arms around you again.

1359. It's not bad, huh? Oh, wow!

1360. Oh my God, you are so hot.

1361. But you and I are gonna have a little chat first.

1362. A chat?

1363. About the way you treated me when I was a total fatass?

1364. You were not very supportive and you said some pretty nasty shit.

1365. Okay, dude, I, I totally don't even know how to deal

1366. with that kind of stuff and I totally didn't mean it at all. I mean—

1367. Well, maybe so, but I think you're gonna have to make it up to me.

1368. Okay, I'll do anything you want, anything and anything.

1369. Well, I got a few ideas.

1370. - Mm, yeah.

1371. Oh, the knocking must signify the arrival of yet another character.

1372. Rabbit?

1373. Yes, indeed my friends, it's yours truly.

1374. - You're a preacher now? - Indeed I am.

1375. After that experience down in the heart of darkness,

1376. it changed me.

1377. I made a vow that if I made it out alive,

1378. I would change my ways.

1379. So no more deliveries?

1380. I'm only delivering souls now brother, only souls.

1381. Ooh, don't mind if I do.

1382. Aw.

1383. Hey, where you going?

1384. This motherfucker ain't over yet.

1385. No, there's a whole 'nother story that need to be told.

1386. What? You're asking who I am?

1387. Bitch, didn't you watch the goddamn movie?

1388. I'm King Bong, baby.

1389. Oh, yeah! Now, she figured that shit out.

1390. Sit your ass down and listen up.

1391. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you a little story.

1392. Oh, you thought I was destroyed. Hell motherfucking no, bitch.

1393. That evil ass bitch Eebee, the evil bong,

1394. that stank bitch, cunt, cooze, twat, vagina juice having ho

1395. ain't got shit to do with me.

1396. But that's all right, just don't tell her I said that.

1397. I ain't scared of that bitch, no.

1398. 'Cause I'll fuck her up. She just don't need to know.

1399. Because all I'm worried about right now is you and me.

1400. Now sit your ass down in that knock off dress and listen

1401. up to what I've got to say.

1402. Oh, what's that sound?

1403. Oh, you like that sound, don't you?

1404. That's my heart beating.

1405. My heart beats fast for you. 'Cause I need a lot of blood

1406. to get this big ass dick up. That's right.

1407. Listen to all that hard beating, blood flushing

1408. through the veins. That's right. Oh, there it is.

1409. Well, God damn. Look at the size of your mouth.

1410. You're like a goddamn toothbrush commercial, ain't you?

1411. Just pull your head all the way, God damn back it off,

1412. fuck the hell out of you.

1413. Oh.

1414. That's right. Where you putting your finger?

1415. Don't put your finger there.

1416. Wait, wait. No, no, no. Keep it right there. Keep—

1417. Bitch I said, keep it right there.

1418. Now wiggle it, just a little bit.

1419. That's right. That's it. Mm-hmm.

1420. Oh, now I know what that boy like.

1421. But just the finger, I want nothing else up this ass.

1422. Your finger, baby. Your cute little manicured finger.

1423. You know the one... that came in red and came out...

1424. I don't need to say it.

1425. Lick it. Mm-hmm.

1426. Taste like candy, don't it?

1427. Oh, yeah!

1428. All right, I'm through with you, move over.

1429. What's your name?

1430. Oh, I like that.

1431. Lolly. Well Lolly, I got something I need to pop bitch, come on.

1432. Mm. Wait a minute, hold on, what you doing?

1433. Oh, don't go up there. Don't go up there!

1434. Oh, go up there, go up there, go on.

1435. Oh, put it all the way, yeah.

1436. Bitch, you got some talent. I like that.

1437. Now pull it out. Mm.

1438. Smell like Oklahoma, don't it? You know what I'm talking about?

1439. Oh, look at you.

1440. I like the way you rub it against your top lip.

1441. Yeah that's right. Come on, rub it.

1442. Yeah.

1443. Drives you crazy, don't it?

1444. Wait, who's that over there?

1445. That's your friend.

1446. Oh, I like that.

1447. Hear that? That's my heart beating,

1448. 'cause there's nothing better than one than two or three or four.

1449. 'Cause when you got 12 bitch, you could take 'em all alone.

1450. So get your goddamn friends in here and help me out little bitch.

1451. Oh, Tokeka, lock the goddamn door.

1452. We're about to have a motherfucking party up in this bitch.

1453. All right everybody, see that over there?

1454. That's Tokeka.

1455. That's the tittiest swinging bitch I got, right there.

1456. So, everybody take your tops off and swing your titties

1457. like Tokeka.

1458. Oh, bounce them bitches up and down.

1459. Bounce them up and down. I wanna see areolas

1460. all over the goddamn place. Make them areolas twirl

1461. for a motherfucker. That's right. God damn.

1462. There you go.

1463. Mm. What's that smell?

1464. Ah, shit, that's vagina juice.

1465. That's the breakfast of goddamn champions, ain't it?

1466. Let me take a couple sips of that.

1467. Then I'll be able to run a marathon all the way up your ass.

1468. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

1469. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait-

1470. Fooled you. I ain't ready to cum yet, bitch.

1471. What you think I'm a punk?