1. And now,
it's time for a breakdown.
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2. Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah...
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3. Man, I told you Robbie Wheirdicht
showers here during first period.
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4. Why doesn't he just shower at home
like a normal person?
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5. Look at him.
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6. Does anything about that
look normal to you?
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7. You know, he's actually
a pretty good dancer.
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8. I mean, fuck that guy is different!
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9. Let's wreck him.
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10. Hey, Weird Dick!
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11. Come on.
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12. Finally, young ladies and young gentlemen,
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13. it is my pleasure
to announce that the winner
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14. of the National High School
Student of the Year Award
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15. is none other than your very own
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16. two-time student body president,
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17. the captain of
Central High's All Valley track team,
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18. president of the drama club
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19. and the senior voted
"Most Likely to Succeed."
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20. I gotta tell you folks,
after 40 years as an educator,
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21. he is my favorite student.
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22. I wish he were my son
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23. if I were medically able to have children.
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24. He's everybody's
favorite all-around guy...
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25. Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner! Come on!
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26. Golden Jet!
Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
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27. Oh, my goodness.
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28. Wow! Wow, guys-
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29. Hey! How about a hand
for Principal Kent, huh?
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30. Huh?
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31. Honestly, if my mom
was into white guys, it would be you.
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32. I know it would, okay?
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33. Well, as we all know,
this is our last assembly,
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34. which means this is the last time
in front of you guys
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35. that I'll be able to tell
the most beautiful girl in the world...
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36. I'm talking about you, Maggie Johnson,
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37. that I love you. I love you, baby. I do.
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38. I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
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39. I'll save it.
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40. Okay.
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41. All right, guys. We're seniors now.
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42. And once we get those diplomas,
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43. the decisions that we make after that
are all up to us.
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44. I don't know what path
life is gonna take me on.
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45. But I can promise you all this...
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46. That I, for one, will push myself
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47. at every stage, at every step.
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48. So, I got one question to ask.
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49. I got one question for
the graduating class of 1996
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50. and that's "Will you..."
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51. Check out my Weird Dick!
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52. Hey. Here, here, man.
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53. Thank you.
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54. Well, there's no coming back from that.
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55. Calvin Joyner, everybody,
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56. voted "Most Likely to Succeed."
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57. Golden Jet!
Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
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58. Yo. Check it.
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59. Oh, come on, man.
I don't want to see that.
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60. Oh, no, no, it's my dick.
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61. I know what it is. I don't want to see it.
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62. Hilarious.
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63. No, I'm working on this new sexting app.
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64. It's kind of like Instagram, right?
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65. But, instead of filters,
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66. it just makes your junk look huge.
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67. Like, three to six inches bigger.
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68. It's called "Junk Mail." Clever, right?
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69. - No, and here's why...
- Sorry, hang on, one second.
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70. I'm just gonna...
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71. What are you doing?
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72. Okay, and send.
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73. Sorry, you were saying something boring.
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74. You just sent a dick pic.
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75. It's called dating, grandma. Look it up.
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76. Why are you all cranky-pants
this morning, huh?
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77. Oh. It's because Ethan got promoted
instead of you?
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78. Ethan got promoted?
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79. Youngest senior associate
in the history of the firm.
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80. Corner office, the whole deal.
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81. Didn't he used to be your assistant?
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82. Who cares? Hey, you should
come to lunch with us.
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83. We're gonna be celebrating his pro-mosh!
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84. It'll probably be good for you
to kiss the ring a bit.
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85. "Kiss the ring a bit"?
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86. Hey, you play your chessboard
however you like, okay?
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87. Me, lunch today?
I'm gonna French kiss that thing.
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88. Aah...
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89. I can't. I'm taking my wife
to lunch today, so...
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90. All right. Bummer for you.
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91. Right?
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92. Can you just get out of my face?
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93. To a guy I not only consider my coworker,
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94. but my personal friend.
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95. - To Ethan!
- Cheers!
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96. Do you wanna move tables?
I know this kind of sucks.
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97. No, no. It doesn't suck.
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98. Hey, if I wanted to get
one of those ice teas
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99. but I want most of it to be bourbon...
What is that called?
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100. Okay. How about we change the topic
to something a little more fun?
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101. Anything else, please.
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102. Oh, how about...
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103. This is the dress
that I'm thinking about wearing.
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104. Oh!
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105. Honey, I want every single girl
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106. to be jealous tomorrow night.
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107. Oh.
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108. What?
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109. I just... I just don't want to go.
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110. Calvin, it's our 20-year
high school reunion.
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111. I'm not gonna go without you.
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112. We agreed we were going. I RSVP'd for us.
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113. I just changed my mind. That's all.
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114. Okay. I see.
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115. You're disappointed
about the promotion. I get it.
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116. This is not about the promotion.
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117. Okay, this has to do with me
not wanting to spend my Friday night
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118. answering the
"What are you doing now?" question.
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119. That's what I'll get all night.
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120. "Hey, Calvin, what are you doing now?"
"I'm an accountant."
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121. "An accountant? Really?
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122. "I thought you would be the governor, man.
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123. "Wait a minute. Didn't you get voted
'Most Likely to Succeed'?
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124. "I guess we missed that one."
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125. Is this why you've been
so weird and moody lately?
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126. 'Cause you're freaking out
about the reunion?
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127. - No.
- And what's the matter
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128. with being an accountant?
You love your job.
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129. No, you love your job.
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130. I'm good at my job.
It's not the same thing.
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131. Honey, that's not fair.
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132. You're a partner at your firm.
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133. Instead, I work
in a building with a giant,
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134. inflatable gorilla out in front of it.
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135. Look, I don't want to be
the guy that peaked in high school
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136. and, after he peaked,
his life went like this...
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137. I don't know the sound
that that thing makes,
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138. but you know what I'm trying to do.
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139. I'm the guy that went down, okay?
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140. - Yeah.
- Then my life
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141. down here became a disappointment.
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142. That's what I'll be.
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143. Wow.
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144. What?
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145. I had no idea that your life with me
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146. was such a soundless,
crashing disappointment!
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147. Don't do that.
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148. - That's not... Don't do that.
- That's the sound.
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149. You want to know the sound
I'm about to make right now?
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150. The sound of me not going.
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151. That's the sound I'm making.
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152. I'm not going.
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153. Yeah.
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154. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
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155. No.
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156. Not going to that.
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157. Bob Stone?
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158. Okay.
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159. Hello?
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160. - Hey.
- Girl, you scared me.
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161. - I did?
- Yes. I thought that you were...
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162. I just... On the...
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163. Never mind. Hey, I'm glad you called.
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164. I'm sorry about lunch today.
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165. I'm an idiot, babe.
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166. I don't even know
what's going on with me right now.
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167. - I really don't.
- Yeah?
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168. Actually, honey,
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169. that's what I was calling
to talk to you about.
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170. Look, honey, I think that
we should see someone.
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171. What do you mean, "Someone"?
What do you mean?
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172. See someone, like a therapist.
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173. Honey, black people don't go to therapy.
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174. We go to barbershops.
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175. That's where we talk out our problems.
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176. Or we watch the movie Barbershop.
One or the other.
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177. Look, my parents were really unhappy
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178. for a long time before they got divorced.
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179. And maybe if they saw someone sooner,
they would still be married.
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180. I just want to nip this thing in the bud,
whatever it is.
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181. I don't want to end up like my parents.
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182. Wassup?
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183. Wassup?
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184. Please, just do it for me,
if not for you.
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185. All right. Uh...
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186. - When? When do you want to do it?
- Really?
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187. The doctor said
he could see us at 6:00 p.m.
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188. Um... 6:00 p.m., when? Tonight?
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189. Yeah. Yeah, is that a problem?
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190. Holy shit! Robbie Wheirdicht?
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191. Calvin, honey? Hello?
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192. Um, yeah.
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193. I can't. I already
made plans for tonight, baby.
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194. - Plans with who?
- With Bob Stone.
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195. Who's Bob Stone?
That sounds like a fake name.
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196. No, no. You remember
Robbie Wheirdicht, from high school?
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197. No.
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198. The guy who got beaten up
by Trisha Demarco at homecoming?
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199. No.
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200. The kid that tried to rap along to
Coolio's 1,2, 3,4 at the talent show
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201. but then he kinda lost his way,
midway through
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202. so he just started bopping his head,
and he stood there?
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203. No. Nothing.
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204. The guy who got thrown out the gym,
butt-ass-naked, senior year?
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205. Oh, my God, yeah!
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206. Why wouldn't you start with that?
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207. Because I thought that was kind of mean.
I don't know.
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208. He never came back
to school after that, right?
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209. Like, not for finals
or graduation or anything.
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210. Didn't he join the military or something?
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211. I'm not sure.
I don't know if he did or not,
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212. but he changed his name to "Bob Stone"
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213. and apparently he's in town
for the high school reunion.
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214. He wants to go to dinner tonight,
and I kinda already said "yes."
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215. - Okay.
- If you want me to cancel,
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216. I will. You know?
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217. If that's what you want, I don't mind.
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218. Mmm-mmm. I mean,
it's a little weird, but whatever.
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219. I'll just see if the doctor
can fit us in tomorrow.
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220. - How about at lunch time?
- Okay. All right, fine.
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221. Okay, good. I love you.
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222. I love you, too, babe. I do.
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223. - Oh, my...
- What is that?
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224. - Okay.
- Calvin? Are you...
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225. Love you. Bye-bye.
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226. No!
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227. Stop, stop!
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228. Hey, man. I...
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229. Hey! What's up, guys?
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230. Congratulations on that promotion, man.
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231. It's quite the thing.
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232. Thank you.
Hey, that's not work appropriate.
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233. Yup.
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234. Not cool, man. Not cool.
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235. Hey, forward that to me.
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236. For real man,
seriously?
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237. Yeah. Watch it, punk.
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238. Excuse you, too.
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239. My man!
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240. Back the fuck up!
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241. - Whoa!
- Back up, man!
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242. Fine. I'll give you these fists.
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243. I'll fist your ass.
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244. Calvin. It's me, Bob.
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245. What? Sorry, do I know you?
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246. Do you know...
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247. Robbie Wheirdicht from high school!
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248. Are you kidding? What?
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249. - Wait, you're Robbie Wheirdicht?
- Yeah!
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250. God, man, look at you!
You've lost, like, 200 pounds!
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251. I see you gained it back in muscle.
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252. Oh, my God! You look great!
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253. - No, you look great!
- Stop it.
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254. No, you haven't changed
since high school, dude!
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255. No, you're just sexy as dick right now.
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256. You don't look somebody
in the eyes and say that.
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257. Hey, let's get hammered.
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258. I got an early clay at work,
so I'll probably...
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259. No, come on, I'm buying!
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260. Oh, shit.
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261. Mmm.
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262. I'm sorry, man. I am blown away right now.
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263. Dude, you used to be Fat Robbie.
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264. Look at you!
This is like a total transformation.
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265. You look like Hercules or somebody.
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266. What did you do? Come on, give it to me.
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267. - I didn't do much, really.
- Stop it.
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268. All right. I just did one thing.
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269. Come on, I need to know.
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270. I worked out six hours a day, every day,
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271. for the last 20 years straight.
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272. - I mean, anybody can do it, right?
- Yeah.
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273. Yeah. You know, I've gotten into hot yoga.
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274. I started doing some sessions.
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275. Uh-huh.
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276. Nice unicorn, man.
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277. Oh, yeah,
I'm big-time into 'corns.
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278. So magical, right?
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279. You know, they're the most
lethal animal on the planet.
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280. Here you go.
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281. Guys, my name's Lexi.
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282. Just let me know if you need anything.
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283. Okay.
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284. I mean, like, anything at all.
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285. Okie-dokie.
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286. You're funny. Do you ever, like, Snapchat?
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287. - Oh, no. You know...
- I wasn't talking to you.
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288. No, no, no. I don't do that.
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289. I'm just catching up
with an old friend from high school.
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290. Aw. You're so sweet.
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291. I think unicorns are sexy, too.
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292. That must happen to you
all the time, right?
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293. Ah, nah.
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294. I mean, all that meaningless sex is just...
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295. It's not my bag anymore, CJ.
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296. No, now, I'm looking for
more of an emotional connection.
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297. The next woman I lay with,
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298. she's gonna be beautiful on the inside,
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299. just as much as she is on the outside.
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300. Hey, wait. Whatever happened
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301. to that girl that you liked
in high school?
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302. Oh, God, man. The "Doogie Howser" girl.
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303. She was 14, but somehow she was a senior.
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304. She wore a cape.
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305. - Darla McGuckian.
- Darla McGuckian.
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306. "Yucky Gucky."
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307. - Didn't she have a lazy eye or something?
- Two of 'em.
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308. Right.
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309. Hey, but listen,
I don't wanna talk about me.
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310. I wanna talk about you.
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311. I heard that
you and Maggie Johnson got hitched.
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312. Oh, yeah.
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313. Yeah, man, right after college.
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314. Wow! The prettiest girl in school,
and the coolest guy in school!
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315. Oh, man, I got lucky.
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316. I mean, you guys are like
a power couple, dude!
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317. - No, no.
- Yes!
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318. You're like Taylor Swift
and whoever she's dating right now.
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319. - Power.
- Uh, thanks!
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320. Yeah. You guys got kids?
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321. No. No kids yet.
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322. We planned on it after college,
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323. but Maggie went to law school,
I kept changing jobs.
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324. You know, having kids just
isn't in our cards right now.
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325. Not at this point, that's all.
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326. - Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
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327. I don't wanna talk about
me and Maggie and myself.
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328. What about you? What are you doing?
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329. I didn't even ask you, man.
What do you do for work?
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330. I'm a government contractor.
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331. Okay, that's cool.
Like, what, buildings and stuff?
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332. Yeah, sort of.
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333. But I kinda just got fired.
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334. - Oh, shit! I'm sorry, man.
- Oh, it's okay.
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335. Screw those guys, anyway.
They're way too corporate.
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336. 'Cause dudes like me and you,
I mean, we're alpha dogs, right?
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337. I mean, we're pathfinders
and trailblazers.
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338. And we don't listen
to what anyone tells us, right?
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339. - Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
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340. I mean, come on, man,
I sorta path-find a little bit
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341. along certain preapproved parameters
that are given to me.
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342. I'm willing to path-find
but it's all about how it's set up.
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343. But within the box that I have, I go nuts.
You'll be surprised.
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344. I had a guy tell me the other day,
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345. "Hey, Calvin, you know,
I need those accounting numbers back
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346. "from, you know, the file."
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347. - I said, "Go fuck yourself, Jim."
- Yeah.
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348. I didn't say it
because I wasn't in my box,
Copy !req
349. - but I thought about it.
- Exactly! Yeah! Yeah!
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350. I got an idea. Let's do shots!
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351. No!
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352. I'm sorry for saying it like that, but no.
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353. I haven't had shots
in almost 10 years, man.
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354. What? Come on, we have to!
We're celebrating!
Copy !req
355. Celebrating what?
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356. Celebrating that I'm hanging
with the coolest kid in high school.
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357. - Stop it.
- Calvin Joyner!
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358. The Golden Jet.
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359. You got to be shitting me. Wow!
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360. I haven't... God!
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361. It's been forever since I heard that, man!
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362. - I'll do one.
- All right!
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363. - One shot.
- Shots!
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364. No. One shot.
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365. Just one, okay? Bob, it's been a while.
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366. Oh, shit! You remember this?
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367. This was the jammy-jam!
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368. What's that? Is that a fanny pack, Bob?
Copy !req
369. Hell, yeah! Dude, you want one?
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370. No, it's okay.
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371. I got two at home. I'll hook you up.
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372. Leather pack for The Jet.
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373. Fanny!
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374. Shit.
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375. What the hell did I get myself into?
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376. Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
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377. Hey, sir, somebody's
actually sitting there.
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378. - Yeah, someone was.
- No! Hey, man!
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379. Hey, you don't see
the sweatshirt right here?
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380. - Man, somebody's sitting here.
- Move your meat, lose your seat.
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381. Dude, you don't
have to be a dick about it.
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382. Somebody's sitting in the chair.
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383. Bro, are you seriously
gonna go there, bro?
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384. 'Cause there's only one way back, bro.
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385. Through intensive care, bro.
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386. Was that the last "bro"?
'Cause if it was, then I'll talk.
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387. That supposed to be funny?
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388. - Dude-
- You a comedian now?
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389. 'Cause you don't look like
Dane Cook to me, bro.
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390. Hey, now!
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391. What's the rumpus?
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392. You know...
There's no problem, man.
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393. Let's just go to another table.
Get your jacket. Let's go.
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394. - No, we're not gonna go anywhere.
- Listen to your pussy friend.
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395. Those gym muscles
aren't scaring anybody, pal.
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396. - Oh, these?
- Let's just go. It's okay.
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397. No, we're not gonna go.
This man insulted you.
Copy !req
398. And we're not gonna leave
until he apologizes.
Copy !req
399. - It's okay.
- Hey, we got a problem here?
Copy !req
400. - No, no.
- Yeah, we got a big problem.
Copy !req
401. Your friend, here,
really insulted my friend
Copy !req
402. and he needs to apologize.
Copy !req
403. I don't think he does.
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404. He doesn't.
Copy !req
405. Oh, you know what, man?
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406. I think this whole situation's
getting a little out of control.
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407. I can fix this whole thing.
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408. I'll order some nachos. The "Explosions."
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409. It's got four cheeses!
Let's eat 'em together.
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410. You know what? You take them.
Copy !req
411. Let's go.
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412. Nah. We're not going anywhere, Jet.
Copy !req
413. This whole thing will be over in a jiff.
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414. Hey, how about this?
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415. Why don't you and your boyfriend
apologize to Big Rick here
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416. and then go jerk each other
in the parking lot?
Copy !req
417. That's a lot...
Copy !req
418. Yeah. You're right, CJ.
Copy !req
419. That's a lot of homophobia
coming out of a very angry man.
Copy !req
420. You need to go get that looked at
by a trained professional.
Copy !req
421. But, since you have
escalated this whole scenario
Copy !req
422. by bringing what I can only assume
Copy !req
423. is an unlicensed firearm
into this public place,
Copy !req
424. endangering the lives
of all these innocent people,
Copy !req
425. I can no longer,
in good conscience, walk away
Copy !req
426. and jerk anyone off in the parking lot.
Copy !req
427. I'm afraid we ain't going anywhere.
Copy !req
428. It's time for you to get out of here, pal.
Copy !req
429. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
430. There's four of us, tough guy.
Copy !req
431. Yeah. I got that.
Copy !req
432. All right. Before
this whole thing goes down,
Copy !req
433. you should know one thing about me.
Copy !req
434. What's that?
Copy !req
435. I don't like bullies.
Copy !req
436. Let's go, Jet.
Copy !req
437. Yes.
Copy !req
438. Oh, my God! I hope he's Catholic.
Copy !req
439. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
440. What the hell was that?
Copy !req
441. Bob, that was amazing!
I've never seen anything like that!
Copy !req
442. You took the one guy,
you hit him like this.
Copy !req
443. He couldn't breathe.
Copy !req
444. I sat there, I'm looking at him...
Copy !req
445. You talkin' to him like,
"I don't like bullies."
Copy !req
446. I was like, "That's not a good line."
But it was!
Copy !req
447. I didn't even know you could fight!
Copy !req
448. You had a unicorn shirt, a fanny pack,
and it totally worked!
Copy !req
449. You were like Jason Bourne,
man, but with jorts!
Copy !req
450. How did you do that?
Where'd you learn that stuff?
Copy !req
451. I took a couple classes at work.
Copy !req
452. I hope I didn't go too far.
Copy !req
453. I'm sorry about ruining the night, Jet.
Copy !req
454. Ruin my night?
No! it was the coolest thing ever, man!
Copy !req
455. 'Really?
'Yes!
Copy !req
456. To see my boy go in and whoop ass
on those idiots back there.
Copy !req
457. Dude, that was amazing!
Copy !req
458. Wait, we're boys?
Copy !req
459. Yeah, we boys.
Copy !req
460. Wow. I...
Copy !req
461. Never had a boy.
Copy !req
462. - That's awesome! Come here!
- Oh, wait.
Copy !req
463. Stop. What's going on, man?
Copy !req
464. - I'm a hugger!
- What're you doing?
Copy !req
465. Hey! I got an idea.
Let's roll. Here's my bike.
Copy !req
466. Wait. That's your bike?
Copy !req
467. Yeah. Kawasaki 800!
Copy !req
468. I know what the bike is.
Copy !req
469. I had the same bike in high school, man.
Copy !req
470. - You still ride?
- No, man.
Copy !req
471. I haven't ridden a bike in years!
Copy !req
472. Come on, let's roll.
Copy !req
473. Where? Where you trying to go?
Copy !req
474. I know the perfect spot. Come on, Jet.
Copy !req
475. You know, why not? Why not?
Copy !req
476. After this... Yeah, okay!
Copy !req
477. Let's roll.
Copy !req
478. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, Bob! Slow, slow, slow!
Copy !req
479. Bob, hey, hey!
Copy !req
480. God, this is so crazy, man.
Copy !req
481. This brings back so many memories.
Copy !req
482. I don't know, CJ.
Copy !req
483. I mean, high school
wasn't easy for me, man.
Copy !req
484. I don't know if you know this,
Copy !req
485. but I didn't have many friends back then.
Copy !req
486. What?
Copy !req
487. - Really?
- No.
Copy !req
488. I don't know why I thought...
Copy !req
489. True story.
Copy !req
490. Man, I thought high school
was gonna be like Sixteen Candles
Copy !req
491. and I was gonna be like Molly Ringwald.
Copy !req
492. Sure, things were difficult
in the beginning,
Copy !req
493. but then, by the end,
Copy !req
494. everything worked out.
Copy !req
495. And Jake Ryan picked her up
in that red Porsche.
Copy !req
496. What-what?
Copy !req
497. You ever see that movie?
Copy !req
498. I'm black, so I don't know the...
Copy !req
499. You gotta see it, dude.
Copy !req
500. Total classic.
It's my favorite all-time movie.
Copy !req
501. Then I realized high school
was nothing like Sixteen Candles.
Copy !req
502. And I'll never be like Molly Ringwald.
Copy !req
503. Yeah, well, depends on who you ask.
Copy !req
504. That's the thing. For me, I...
Copy !req
505. What's going on?
Copy !req
506. Oh, wow.
Copy !req
507. Hey, man, I just wanna say that
I'm really sorry
Copy !req
508. about what Trevor and those guys
did to you back then.
Copy !req
509. No biggie. I don't even
think about it anymore. No.
Copy !req
510. Okay, good.
Copy !req
511. Yeah. Here's the secret.
You know what I did, Jet?
Copy !req
512. I took all that stuff
and I balled it up real tight
Copy !req
513. and then I shoved it way down deep.
Copy !req
514. And I just pretty much ignore it.
Copy !req
515. You know, that sounds
really unhealthy, Bob.
Copy !req
516. Hey, I gotta tell you.
Copy !req
517. You were the only one
who helped me out that day.
Copy !req
518. In the gym? Remember that?
Copy !req
519. And you gave me your letterman's jacket!
Copy !req
520. Hey, not for nothing,
but I never got that jacket back, man.
Copy !req
521. Huh!
Copy !req
522. Really? Strange.
Copy !req
523. Hey, but listen, I just wanna thank you
Copy !req
524. for what you did for me that day.
Copy !req
525. That was really cool of you, Jet.
Copy !req
526. Stop, man.
It was the right thing to do, you know?
Copy !req
527. - You wanna hear something weird?
- What?
Copy !req
528. I have not been naked since that day.
Copy !req
529. I mean, not in front of anyone.
Copy !req
530. Never.
Copy !req
531. So, you're telling me
that for the last 20 years,
Copy !req
532. you've never been seen
in your birthday suit?
Copy !req
533. - No.
- So, what about when you have sex?
Copy !req
534. I keep it pitch-black,
just like Vin Diesel.
Copy !req
535. What?
Copy !req
536. You know I've been wondering,
whatever happened to Trevor anyway?
Copy !req
537. Did he get hit by a bus
or ripped apart by dogs
Copy !req
538. or die slowly of anything?
Copy !req
539. No. No, no.
He's a bigtime investment banker downtown.
Copy !req
540. - Oh, hey, cool.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
541. Good for him, man.
Copy !req
542. Hey, Bob, look,
if you ever wanna talk, I'm here.
Copy !req
543. So I don't mind, you know?
Copy !req
544. I don't mind at all, if you wanna...
Copy !req
545. What?
Copy !req
546. Whoa.
Copy !req
547. This is all our stuff from our year!
Copy !req
548. Yeah. Must be getting ready
for the reunion tomorrow night.
Copy !req
549. Come on, man. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
550. What? No! "Get out..."
Look, you're all over this!
Copy !req
551. Look at this.
Basketball, baseball, cross country.
Copy !req
552. Hamlet.
Copy !req
553. Prom King.
Copy !req
554. There's Darla McGuckian.
Copy !req
555. Synchronized swimming, that's so sexy.
Copy !req
556. This is like the Guinness Book
of Golden Jet Records right there.
Copy !req
557. I see that.
Copy !req
558. To be honest with you,
I don't even recognize this guy anymore.
Copy !req
559. This guy, here, he was gonna...
Copy !req
560. He was gonna conquer the world.
Copy !req
561. If 18-year-old me could see me now,
Copy !req
562. he'd probably think I was a total loser.
Copy !req
563. What? That's crazy talk!
Copy !req
564. - You're The Golden Jet, dude!
- Stop.
Copy !req
565. Stop, Bob. Spare me
with The Golden Jet shit.
Copy !req
566. I'm not The Golden Jet, man.
I'm an accountant.
Copy !req
567. That's my reality.
Copy !req
568. I just thought
I was meant for more, you know?
Copy !req
569. My life would be something special.
Copy !req
570. You know how they say every man
is the hero of his own story?
Copy !req
571. Was that in Twilight?
Copy !req
572. No, I don't think that's where it's from.
Copy !req
573. But those books are cool, right? Vampires!
Copy !req
574. And there's a wolf-boy.
Copy !req
575. I'm not... I'm not talking
about Twilight, Bob, okay?
Copy !req
576. I'm talking about the fact that
I don't feel like
Copy !req
577. I'm the hero of my own story. That's...
Copy !req
578. How are you not the hero
of your own story?
Copy !req
579. No one else can be!
Copy !req
580. Yo, CJ, I gotta be honest with you, man.
Copy !req
581. I mean, all this talk about Calvin Joyner
Copy !req
582. not feeling like he's a hero...
Copy !req
583. That's crazy talk, man.
Copy !req
584. No. No, it's not.
Copy !req
585. You were the best thing about high school.
Copy !req
586. I'll always believe in you.
Copy !req
587. Yo, do you remember
those backflips you used to do?
Copy !req
588. The crowd would go crazy!
I was there, too.
Copy !req
589. I was, like, "What? How's he do that?"
Copy !req
590. How did you do that?
Copy !req
591. I don't know. I just did it, man.
Copy !req
592. Exactly.
Copy !req
593. So, do it now.
Copy !req
594. No, no. You're crazy! No.
Copy !req
595. What's that?
Copy !req
596. What're you talking about? What's what?
Copy !req
597. - Golden Jet!
- No, stop it.
Copy !req
598. - Golden Jet!
- Okay, stop it!
Copy !req
599. - Golden Jet!
- All right.
Copy !req
600. Golden Jet!
Copy !req
601. I'm not gonna stop until
you do The Golden Jet flip!
Copy !req
602. Golden Jet!
Copy !req
603. All right, everybody, settle down.
Settle down!
Copy !req
604. If the crowd wants a Golden Jet flip,
Copy !req
605. then they gonna get a Golden Jet flip.
Copy !req
606. You go, girl!
Copy !req
607. On, God!
Copy !req
608. That was so close, Jet.
Copy !req
609. Here, buddy. Come on.
Copy !req
610. They must have just waxed these floors.
Copy !req
611. That was definitely a first, man.
Copy !req
612. Oh, man, lam beat.
Copy !req
613. Oh.
Copy !req
614. Hey, Jet!
Copy !req
615. Man, I had a great time tonight.
Copy !req
616. Whoa!
Copy !req
617. You know what?
I had a good time, too, man.
Copy !req
618. I feel like I needed this, you know?
Copy !req
619. Yeah. Yeah. Me, too!
Copy !req
620. Thank you.
Copy !req
621. My pleasure, amigo. Any time.
Copy !req
622. Hey, if there's ever anything
I can do for you, just say the word.
Copy !req
623. Wow. You really mean that?
Copy !req
624. Yeah.
Copy !req
625. I wasn't gonna bring it up,
but I might as well.
Copy !req
626. Lately, I've been having this problem
with my payroll account. And...
Copy !req
627. It's all screwed up, somehow.
Copy !req
628. You know, I was overseas
working for a while before I got fired.
Copy !req
629. So, it's kinda like
a forensic international account thingy
Copy !req
630. which, I think,
is kind of your specialty, right?
Copy !req
631. Um...
Copy !req
632. Yeah, no, it is.
I'll take a look at that for you.
Copy !req
633. You would? You would do that for me?
Copy !req
634. I've got the login info,
if you wanna crack open your computer,
Copy !req
635. we can do this!
Copy !req
636. Oh, you mean now?
Copy !req
637. - That's awesome! Yeah!
- Okay.
Copy !req
638. - Look at this!
- Hey, Bob...
Copy !req
639. Whoa!
Copy !req
640. Bob, you gotta keep your voice down!
Copy !req
641. Maggie's sleeping.
Copy !req
642. Wow.
Copy !req
643. This is a pretty serious international
account dossier you've got here.
Copy !req
644. Right? I just want to make sure
everything was hunky-dory.
Copy !req
645. Going to your router.
Copy !req
646. Now you're talking to me.
Copy !req
647. Bingo. I'm in.
Copy !req
648. Oh. That's great, Jet.
Thank you, man!
Copy !req
649. I mean, just looking at it first-hand,
Copy !req
650. it kinda looks like it's a bunch of
off-shore escrow accounts.
Copy !req
651. These have been backwashed into
Copy !req
652. a series of domestic dummy accounts
for some reason.
Copy !req
653. I mean, the logs are all crazy, too.
You have China,
Copy !req
654. Syria, Iran.
Copy !req
655. This is an auction site, Bob!
Copy !req
656. These are bids. All of these.
Copy !req
657. This is hundreds of millions
of dollars in bids, right here.
Copy !req
658. And judging by this clock, here,
Copy !req
659. it says it's all gonna end tomorrow.
Copy !req
660. Whoa!
Copy !req
661. - What the hell? Why?
- What did...
Copy !req
662. - Oh! I'm sorry, Jet!
- Bob!
Copy !req
663. Jet, I'm so sorry! Oh, man.
Copy !req
664. - I'm all thumbs.
- It's my computer!
Copy !req
665. - I'm sorry.
- No! Please, Bob.
Copy !req
666. - I'm sorry, Jet.
- Leave it. I got it.
Copy !req
667. It's fine, Bob. It's fine. Just leave it.
Copy !req
668. The worst!
Copy !req
669. God!
Copy !req
670. Hey! What the hell was that on that site?
Copy !req
671. That didn't have
anything to do with payroll.
Copy !req
672. I don't know. I've never seen that before.
Copy !req
673. That was crazy.
Copy !req
674. Let's figure it out tomorrow
when we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Copy !req
675. What do you say, CJ? I am beat.
Copy !req
676. Hey, do you mind if I crash here?
Copy !req
677. Um...
Copy !req
678. No.
Copy !req
679. Let me go grab some blankets.
Copy !req
680. Hey, thanks for the jammies, Jet.
Copy !req
681. Okay, well, you can keep those.
Copy !req
682. Those are... Those are officially yours.
Copy !req
683. Yeah.
Copy !req
684. - All right.
- Oh.
Copy !req
685. You gonna sleep with your fanny pack.
Copy !req
686. Golden Jet! Yeah, it's my baby.
Copy !req
687. You need anything else? You're okay?
Copy !req
688. I can't believe I'm having a sleepover
at Calvin Joyner's house right now.
Copy !req
689. This is blowing my mind!
Copy !req
690. Okay.
Copy !req
691. Uh, good night, Bob.
Copy !req
692. Good night, Jet.
Copy !req
693. Me?
Copy !req
694. Yeah, you.
Copy !req
695. What the fuck?
Copy !req
696. One second.
Copy !req
697. Hold on.
Copy !req
698. Uh, may I help you?
Copy !req
699. Mr. Joyner, my name is Pamela Harris,
Copy !req
700. I'm with the Central Intelligence Agency.
Copy !req
701. Have you had any contact with this man?
Copy !req
702. Uh, yeah, he's on my...
He's on my couch, sleeping.
Copy !req
703. Target's in the house.
Copy !req
704. What's going on? Hey!
Copy !req
705. Excuse me. Excuse me!
Copy !req
706. Target's fled.
Copy !req
707. Shit.
Copy !req
708. Target's on the move.
Copy !req
709. Excuse me! What...
Copy !req
710. Hello, hey! Excuse me!
Copy !req
711. - ... and voice chatter in the vicinity.
- Hello! Excuse me!
Copy !req
712. If he's in the wind again,
it's gonna be your ass. Go now.
Copy !req
713. - Hello!
- Alert Langley, asset uncontained.
Copy !req
714. Excuse me!
Copy !req
715. - Can I help you?
- Hello!
Copy !req
716. It's my house. Ls something going on?
Copy !req
717. Well, Mr. Joyner,
your sleepover buddy, Robert Wheirdicht,
Copy !req
718. AKA Bob Stone, AKA Bob Golden,
AKA Bob Jet,
Copy !req
719. is wanted for murder and treason
Copy !req
720. and is presently in possession
of highly classified state secrets
Copy !req
721. which he intends to sell to our enemies.
Copy !req
722. What?
Copy !req
723. And if he succeeds, it's gonna spark
a chain reaction of geopolitical events
Copy !req
724. that most of our predictive models
Copy !req
725. place somewhere between
World War III and outright Armageddon.
Copy !req
726. So, yeah, I guess you could say
something is going on.
Copy !req
727. Oh, you mind?
Copy !req
728. Creamer's in the fridge. What?
Copy !req
729. I don't need it.
Copy !req
730. What I do need is information.
Copy !req
731. I need you to tell me
everything and anything
Copy !req
732. about your contact with Agent Stone.
Copy !req
733. - Agent Stone?
- Bob, your friend Bob.
Copy !req
734. Come on. Stay with me, please.
Copy !req
735. Okay, I think there's a misunderstanding.
Copy !req
736. No. No, he is not my friend.
Copy !req
737. Then why did he list you
as his emergency contact
Copy !req
738. in all his personnel forms?
Copy !req
739. I'm sorry... He what?
Copy !req
740. Bob Stone has no siblings, or parents,
or family of any kind.
Copy !req
741. You are the only person
Copy !req
742. he listed in his personal references.
Copy !req
743. On...
Copy !req
744. That's crazy, all right?
I barely even know the guy.
Copy !req
745. Then why was he sleeping on your couch?
Copy !req
746. Because we went out
and had drinks last night.
Copy !req
747. Oh, so you went out drinking
with your non-friend?
Copy !req
748. Okay.
Copy !req
749. All right, let's... You're not...
Copy !req
750. Time out.
Copy !req
751. I'm pressing the time out button.
Copy !req
752. Okay? You guys barged in my house.
I pay my taxes.
Copy !req
753. So you're not gonna come here
and treat me like I'm the enemy, okay?
Copy !req
754. That's the first thing.
Now, if you want to get into facts...
Copy !req
755. You wanna talk about facts?
Copy !req
756. This is Facebook's fault.
Copy !req
757. Are you familiar with Facebook?
Copy !req
758. We surveil it.
Copy !req
759. He sent me a friend request.
Copy !req
760. That's how this whole thing started.
Copy !req
761. And you accepted?
Copy !req
762. Don't do that. Don't do that to me.
Copy !req
763. You give me a second. Okay?
Don't fire back like that.
Copy !req
764. First of all,
fuck Mark Zuckerberg, all right?
Copy !req
765. Now, I accepted because it was Facebook.
Copy !req
766. And it's rude when you don't accept it
Copy !req
767. and I don't know
if the person on the other end
Copy !req
768. can see me not accept it.
That's why I accepted.
Copy !req
769. Are you nervous, Mr. Joyner?
Copy !req
770. Is it hot?
Copy !req
771. Are you getting hot?
Because I'm getting hot.
Copy !req
772. I'm not gonna take off my jacket
Copy !req
773. because that makes me look guilty.
Copy !req
774. And that's what you guys look for. Hmm?
Copy !req
775. Is this what a guilty man would do?
Copy !req
776. Look how comfortable I am.
Copy !req
777. I'm gonna lean up against this counter,
and I'm not gonna sweat.
Copy !req
778. I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna look flustered at all.
Copy !req
779. I'm... Bring it.
Copy !req
780. What you want to know?
Copy !req
781. Hmm?
Copy !req
782. - Mr. Joyner.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
783. Bob Stone is a dangerous psychotic.
Copy !req
784. - You're lucky to be alive.
- Okay, listen to me.
Copy !req
785. Agent Harris, I don't know this man.
Copy !req
786. He's just a little weird kid
that I knew in high school.
Copy !req
787. He used to put Rice Krispies Treats
in my locker.
Copy !req
788. Sometimes I ate 'em, sometimes I didn't.
Copy !req
789. I wasn't in carbs back then
Copy !req
790. 'cause I didn't want that weight
going to my hips.
Copy !req
791. As a man, you don't want big hips,
especially in high school.
Copy !req
792. Bottom line,
I have no allegiance to this man.
Copy !req
793. Zero ties, okay?
Copy !req
794. All ties are cut.
Copy !req
795. I cut them, so this is me and you.
Copy !req
796. So don't put me and him...
Copy !req
797. I ain't in this shit, okay?
Copy !req
798. All right, Mr. Joyner. Prove it.
Copy !req
799. Yeah, well, I need a second.
Copy !req
800. You gotta step outside.
I gotta take a shit.
Copy !req
801. This is a lot.
Copy !req
802. I got to go. Just give me a second, man!
Copy !req
803. - I'll be waiting.
- Jesus Christ!
Copy !req
804. All teams be advised,
we're Oscar Mike with the bait.
Copy !req
805. I'm sorry, did you just
call me "the bait"?
Copy !req
806. No.
Copy !req
807. Yeah, you did.
She just called me the bait.
Copy !req
808. Why am I the bait?
Copy !req
809. No, that doesn't sound like
something I'd ever say.
Copy !req
810. - You just said it.
- What's going on here?
Copy !req
811. Sir, I'm gonna need you to step aside.
Copy !req
812. This is a matter of national security.
Copy !req
813. Yeah, right! I love it.
Copy !req
814. What is this? Like a strippergram thing
to suck up to Ethan?
Copy !req
815. Gotta love strippers. So dirty.
Copy !req
816. Show us your tits! Show us your tits!
Copy !req
817. Hey, let's see some titty!
Copy !req
818. - This you?
- Yeah, right here.
Copy !req
819. You did this to yourself.
Copy !req
820. - Small.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
821. It's my wife.
Copy !req
822. Mr. Joyner, it is my legal obligation
to inform you
Copy !req
823. that you are now a part of
a highly classified covert action.
Copy !req
824. So, say hello to your wife
and then get off the phone.
Copy !req
825. Am I clear?
Copy !req
826. Don't tell my wife shit. Got it.
Copy !req
827. Don't tell your wife shit.
Copy !req
828. - What line?
- Line one.
Copy !req
829. Hey, Mags.
Hey, I can't really talk right now, babe.
Copy !req
830. - I got a lot going on.
- Okay, okay. I get it. You're hungover.
Copy !req
831. Listen, Dr. Dan can see us today at lunch.
Copy !req
832. - Wait a minute, Dr. Dan?
- The therapist, remember?
Copy !req
833. So, I'm thinking we should just
meet at home and go together. Thank you.
Copy !req
834. Go. Go on,
and I'll just see you there, okay?
Copy !req
835. But I got to really go, babe.
Copy !req
836. I'm slammed in here.
So, I gotta get off the phone.
Copy !req
837. - All right. Jeez! Is everything okay?
- Everything is fine, babe.
Copy !req
838. I gotta keep the line clear.
I love you. Bye, I gotta go.
Copy !req
839. Love you. Bye.
Copy !req
840. Hmm.
Copy !req
841. "Hmm." What?
Copy !req
842. I'm an expert in speech pathology
and psycho-lingual subtext.
Copy !req
843. Your wife is not fulfilled
in your relationship.
Copy !req
844. Wait, what?
Copy !req
845. Also, she wants to have a baby.
Copy !req
846. Where are you getting...
Copy !req
847. Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
Copy !req
848. Hello? Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
Copy !req
849. Calvin?
Copy !req
850. It's Bob! It's Bob!
Copy !req
851. Act natural.
Copy !req
852. Calvin. Is that you?
Copy !req
853. Are you there?
Copy !req
854. Well, hey. Well, yeah.
Copy !req
855. Yeah, wassup?
Copy !req
856. What up, Bobby-o?
Copy !req
857. Are you quite well?
Copy !req
858. I'm in big trouble.
Copy !req
859. Oh, God! I screwed up.
I screwed up big time.
Copy !req
860. We gotta talk. Can you meet me?
Copy !req
861. Sure. Yeah. Where?
Where do you want me to meet you?
Copy !req
862. I'm in the stairwell of your building,
two flights down.
Copy !req
863. - Stairwell?
- Hurry!
Copy !req
864. - He's in the stairwell, two flights down!
- Move, move!
Copy !req
865. Alert Charlie team.
Copy !req
866. Hold on. What's going on? Am I safe here?
Copy !req
867. As long as Bob Stone
is in the building, no one's safe.
Copy !req
868. Get back in your office now!
Copy !req
869. Okay!
Copy !req
870. Good news is we heard her, guys.
Copy !req
871. So, everybody, let's all just stay calm.
Copy !req
872. As long as... As long... Shit!
Copy !req
873. What the hell is going on?
Copy !req
874. - Relax.
- Hey.
Copy !req
875. Great job at
getting them out of here, Jet.
Copy !req
876. - Oh, Bob!
- That's teamwork!
Copy !req
877. Wait! How did you... What did you just do?
Copy !req
878. It's a tradecraft, buddy.
Copy !req
879. Spoiler alert...
Copy !req
880. I'm in the CIA.
Copy !req
881. Oh, no shit!
Copy !req
882. Hey, hey! What're you doing with my phone?
Copy !req
883. You about to turn my phone
into a bomb, aren't you?
Copy !req
884. I've seen Homeland.
So I know what they do.
Copy !req
885. Homeland?
No, I'm ordering us an Uber.
Copy !req
886. Six minutes. That's kinda tight.
Copy !req
887. I'm gonna need your tie.
Copy !req
888. You're gonna... No!
Copy !req
889. - Your necktie, take it off.
- No,
Copy !req
890. - I'm not taking my tie off!
- Come on, Jet!
Copy !req
891. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Copy !req
892. That's good. Save it, save it, save it.
Copy !req
893. Save it, Jet.
Copy !req
894. - There we go, just right over here.
- Fine, take it, take it.
Copy !req
895. You can have it. Okay, that...
Listen to me. Listen.
Copy !req
896. Stop. Stop!
Copy !req
897. I need to know
what is happening, right now.
Copy !req
898. Okay, okay. You know what?
Moving too fast.
Copy !req
899. Bottom line, are you in or you out?
Copy !req
900. What are you... In or out of what?
Copy !req
901. Mmm-mmm. No time
for questions, just action.
Copy !req
902. - In or out?
- Okay, then I'm out.
Copy !req
903. I'm sorry, Jet.
Actually, you're already in.
Copy !req
904. Then why would you ask me?
Copy !req
905. Because I thought
you would go, "I'm in, Bob!"
Copy !req
906. And we would've had a really cool moment,
Copy !req
907. but you kinda ruined the whole thing.
Copy !req
908. I ruined...
Copy !req
909. Okay, okay, Okay-
Copy !req
910. Listen to me right now.
Copy !req
911. Bob, I don't know what it is
that you're into
Copy !req
912. but what I do know is that
Copy !req
913. I am really, really 100% out!
Copy !req
914. Do you understand that?
Copy !req
915. - God, you are good!
- What?
Copy !req
916. Calvin Joyner, president of the Drama Club
for a reason, folks!
Copy !req
917. - You're like a snack-size Denzel.
- Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Copy !req
918. This is not a game.
Copy !req
919. I'm being serious right now.
Copy !req
920. I'm out!
Copy !req
921. Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
922. I can't say I'm not disappointed, Jet,
Copy !req
923. but if you're out, you're out.
Copy !req
924. Thank you! I'm out!
Copy !req
925. I'm just happy that we can communicate
Copy !req
926. openly and honestly.
Copy !req
927. I think it says a lot
about our relationship.
Copy !req
928. Wait, hold up, wait.
What're you doing? Oh, my God!
Copy !req
929. Here's the thing, though.
Copy !req
930. There's only one way for you to get out.
Copy !req
931. What's that?
Copy !req
932. You gotta get in first.
Copy !req
933. What is it that...
Copy !req
934. What-what! Take my gun, Jet,
Copy !req
935. we may have to kill some people.
Copy !req
936. - Come on, it's not gonna bite you.
- I will do no such thing.
Copy !req
937. I think you'll like it.
Copy !req
938. - I will not!
- You're gonna need it.
Copy !req
939. You're gonna need it! He's in here!
Copy !req
940. Jet.
Copy !req
941. He's in there! Bob's in there!
Copy !req
942. He's got a gun! He's got a gun!
Copy !req
943. - Down, down, get down!
- Move, move, move!
Copy !req
944. All right. I'm gonna need
your improv skills.
Copy !req
945. What?
Copy !req
946. - Hostage role-play, you ready?
- No!
Copy !req
947. - Sweet, let's go.
- No, I said no!
Copy !req
948. I said no!
Copy !req
949. He's got a hostage!
Copy !req
950. No!
Copy !req
951. No! Stop it, you gonna get me killed!
Copy !req
952. Don't shoot!
Copy !req
953. There we go, Jet!
Copy !req
954. What are you doing?
Copy !req
955. Oh! Shoot!
Copy !req
956. Don't shoot!
Copy !req
957. - Hang tight, Jet!
- No, I'm not doing anything!
Copy !req
958. Stop including me in your stuff!
Copy !req
959. Get him, Agent! Hit him with the stick!
Copy !req
960. Oh!
Copy !req
961. You're doing a great job, Jet.
Just give me a second, okay?
Copy !req
962. What the fuck?
Copy !req
963. He got a coffee pot!
Copy !req
964. He got a banana!
Copy !req
965. Oh! Oh!
Copy !req
966. Freeze!
Copy !req
967. Jet, help!
Copy !req
968. What?
Copy !req
969. Golden Jet, help.
Copy !req
970. No, man, I'm not helping you!
Copy !req
971. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
972. - Give me the gun!
- Stop it!
Copy !req
973. - Stop resisting!
- No, let me go!
Copy !req
974. Let me go! I'm trying to give it to you!
Copy !req
975. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
976. - That was an accident!
- Don't move!
Copy !req
977. No, stop! Listen to me!
Copy !req
978. Let's go.
Copy !req
979. Wait, wait! Come on! What are you... Ah!
Copy !req
980. Come on, man!
Copy !req
981. This has gotta stop! Okay?
Copy !req
982. Shit!
Copy !req
983. Don't shoot!
Copy !req
984. - Oh, God!
- Show us your hands!
Copy !req
985. - Drop your weapon!
- Do it now!
Copy !req
986. Ow.
Copy !req
987. Sorry, Jet.
Copy !req
988. It's over, Bob. Give up.
Copy !req
989. You know I can't do that, Pam.
Copy !req
990. There's nowhere to run, Agent Stone.
Copy !req
991. Just like Caracas.
Copy !req
992. Uh, Caracas would've worked
if you trusted me like Calvin trusts me.
Copy !req
993. No. No.
Copy !req
994. That is not true. I do not trust him!
Copy !req
995. I do not trust him at all.
As a matter of fact,
Copy !req
996. this is a perfect time
for us to clear this up
Copy !req
997. especially in the middle of this standoff.
I shouldn't be here!
Copy !req
998. So I feel like me being
in the middle of this throws me in it.
Copy !req
999. So let me exclude myself.
Copy !req
1000. - Hey, stay down!
- Don't move!
Copy !req
1001. Okay, all right.
I'll stay in. I'll stay in.
Copy !req
1002. I got a plan.
Copy !req
1003. Might get us both killed
Copy !req
1004. but if it works,
it'll be a totally boss story.
Copy !req
1005. Cool?
Copy !req
1006. - No! No, it's not cool!
- Cool.
Copy !req
1007. No, I said it's not cool.
Copy !req
1008. I said it's not cool!
Copy !req
1009. Time's up.
Copy !req
1010. You're right, Pam.
Copy !req
1011. My time is up.
Copy !req
1012. In three, two,
Copy !req
1013. ODE.
Copy !req
1014. Bob, Bob, Bob!
Copy !req
1015. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
1016. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1017. Whoa-hem.!
Copy !req
1018. Wow! Did you feel that, Jet?
Copy !req
1019. That was the balls right there!
Copy !req
1020. Hey, did you shit yourself a little bit?
Copy !req
1021. It's all right if you did. Totally cool.
I don't judge.
Copy !req
1022. Get if Off!
Copy !req
1023. You guys order an Uber?
Copy !req
1024. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1025. You better get your tuches in the car.
Copy !req
1026. You're gonna get shot!
Copy !req
1027. Don't shoot me! Shoot him!
Copy !req
1028. Shoot him! I'm out! I'm out! I'm out!
Copy !req
1029. Let me in! Let me in! Let me in! Go, Bob!
Copy !req
1030. Hey, that's my car!
Copy !req
1031. FUCK you!
Copy !req
1032. You get zero stars!
Copy !req
1033. Put the word out to all assets.
Copy !req
1034. I'm doubling the price on Bob's head.
Copy !req
1035. Hey, what the shit,
honey...
Copy !req
1036. Get Larry on it.
Copy !req
1037. Car, car, car!
Copy !req
1038. All right, here's the dilly-o, Jet.
Copy !req
1039. About three weeks ago,
an enemy of the state
Copy !req
1040. codenamed "The Black Badger"
Copy !req
1041. stole the encryption keys
to the entire US spy satellite program
Copy !req
1042. which he's gonna sell to a buyer
Copy !req
1043. from that auction site
on your computer last night.
Copy !req
1044. Bob...
Copy !req
1045. If we lose control of our satellites,
Copy !req
1046. we're completely vulnerable
to any terrorist attacks.
Copy !req
1047. That's why I had to go back
to your office and get you, Jet.
Copy !req
1048. I need your super sweet accounting skills
Copy !req
1049. to help me figure out
the last piece of this puzzle
Copy !req
1050. which is the transaction number
from the winning bid.
Copy !req
1051. That'll tell us
where the deal is going down.
Copy !req
1052. That way, we can get The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1053. I can't do it without you, Jet.
Copy !req
1054. Are you kidding me? I'm not helping you.
Copy !req
1055. You attacked somebody with a banana.
Copy !req
1056. - A banana, force multiplier.
- What?
Copy !req
1057. Well, basically what that means
is anything in your hand
Copy !req
1058. is far more dangerous
than just your bare hands alone,
Copy !req
1059. including a banana.
Copy !req
1060. Oh!
Copy !req
1061. Oh! Ah!
Copy !req
1062. - A force multiplier!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1063. Yeah, that's what it is.
Copy !req
1064. It makes so much more sense to me now.
Copy !req
1065. That's page-one CIA stuff.
Copy !req
1066. I almost forgot
that I wasn't in the fucking CIA!
Copy !req
1067. Stop the car.
Copy !req
1068. You stop the car right now! Stop the car!
Copy !req
1069. Okay, okay. That's a great idea, Jet.
Copy !req
1070. We should get off the grid right now.
Copy !req
1071. Whoa!
Copy !req
1072. All right. We're clear.
Copy !req
1073. Okay.
Copy !req
1074. Okay. Let's just take some deep breaths.
Copy !req
1075. Okay? Deep breaths.
Copy !req
1076. All you gotta do is get out of this car
Copy !req
1077. and have a rational conversation with Bob
Copy !req
1078. and he'll understand.
Copy !req
1079. Robert, I would like to
go home now, please.
Copy !req
1080. Buddy, you and me both.
Copy !req
1081. But until we clear our names,
there's no going home.
Copy !req
1082. I'm sorry, can you clarify
that last sentence for me?
Copy !req
1083. Yeah, well, now that you're in...
Copy !req
1084. Let me stop you right there. I'm not in.
Copy !req
1085. I never said that I was in.
Copy !req
1086. In fact, I expressly remember
saying that I was out!
Copy !req
1087. I know, but they think you're in.
Copy !req
1088. I am...
Copy !req
1089. I'm fucking out! I'm out!
Copy !req
1090. - What's left to tell?
- Hey, no, I get it.
Copy !req
1091. - I'm not in!
- I'm just saying they think you're in.
Copy !req
1092. - I'm not in! lam not in!
- I get it.
Copy !req
1093. I'm not in! I'm out!
Copy !req
1094. One sec, Jet, just gotta disable the GPS.
Copy !req
1095. Where did you...
Copy !req
1096. You wanna go under... That's fine!
Copy !req
1097. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
1098. You did this on purpose, didn't you?
Copy !req
1099. This whole thing was done on purpose.
Copy !req
1100. This is your plan!
Copy !req
1101. You tricked me!
Copy !req
1102. It's fine, but I know you tricked me.
Copy !req
1103. - Trick you?
- You tricked... Hey, boy!
Copy !req
1104. What? What'd you just...
Copy !req
1105. I didn't trick you,
you offered to help me.
Copy !req
1106. You know what's funny? Harris told me.
Copy !req
1107. She told me everything, man.
Copy !req
1108. She told me that you stole the codes.
Copy !req
1109. Let me tell you something about Harris.
You can't trust her.
Copy !req
1110. She's already trying to frame me
for my partner's murder!
Copy !req
1111. - You killed your partner?
- No.
Copy !req
1112. I would never do that.
Copy !req
1113. The Black Badger killed my partner.
Copy !req
1114. Let me explain to you something, dude.
This is what happened.
Copy !req
1115. After The Black Badger
stole the satellite encryption codes,
Copy !req
1116. my partner Phil and I
tracked him to a penthouse in Kiev.
Copy !req
1117. - Hey, Phil.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1118. I'll see you on the other side.
Copy !req
1119. See you on the other side.
Copy !req
1120. All right.
Copy !req
1121. God, I love that guy.
Copy !req
1122. He knew we were coming,
so he set a trap.
Copy !req
1123. Hey, Bob! Bob!
Copy !req
1124. No!
Copy !req
1125. Phil was my partner,
my teammate
Copy !req
1126. - and I couldn't save him.
- No!
Copy !req
1127. It was awful, Cal.
Copy !req
1128. It was a setup, right from the get-go.
Copy !req
1129. Damn, man.
Copy !req
1130. The Black Badger was never there.
Copy !req
1131. I should've been the one
on that elevator, not Phil.
Copy !req
1132. God.
Copy !req
1133. Okay. Bob, please...
Copy !req
1134. I'm begging you, man.
Can you just let me go home?
Copy !req
1135. CJ, I totally understand.
Copy !req
1136. But right now,
Agent Harris and her taskforce
Copy !req
1137. has that place surveilled up the yin-yang.
Copy !req
1138. She's got contract killers looking for us.
Copy !req
1139. Your place isn't safe.
Copy !req
1140. Oh, my God. Maggie.
Copy !req
1141. Maggie! What the hell
am I supposed to do about Maggie?
Copy !req
1142. Get down, Jet!
Copy !req
1143. Shit! Oh!
Copy !req
1144. Look out, Bob!
Copy !req
1145. Who the hell is that? Who is that? Bob?
Copy !req
1146. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1147. Larry.
Copy !req
1148. Thought you retired.
Copy !req
1149. I did.
Copy !req
1150. But you're worth a lot of money,
Bob, dead or alive.
Copy !req
1151. Well, tough luck,
because I've got back up.
Copy !req
1152. Ain't that right, Jet?
Copy !req
1153. Jet!
Copy !req
1154. Hey, baby. I know. I'm sorry I'm late.
Copy !req
1155. The stupid Koplin deposition ran long.
Copy !req
1156. I'm leaving right now.
I'll meet you at the house.
Copy !req
1157. No, no, no! Don't go home!
Copy !req
1158. - Don't go home!
- Why? What's going on?
Copy !req
1159. Nothing! Nothing.
I'm just running late, too.
Copy !req
1160. So I was gonna say
let's just meet at Dr. Dan's office.
Copy !req
1161. Yeah. Okay. Ls everything all right?
Copy !req
1162. Yeah! Yeah. Why?
Copy !req
1163. Everything's fine.
Copy !req
1164. Because you kind of sound
like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas.
Copy !req
1165. What?
Copy !req
1166. That's so funny, babe.
That's such a good reference.
Copy !req
1167. That's classic Mags right there.
Copy !req
1168. So, okay. So you're not
gonna go home, right?
Copy !req
1169. Okay, fine. I won't go home.
Copy !req
1170. I'll meet you at Dr. Dan's. See you soon.
Copy !req
1171. Okay. All right, bye.
Copy !req
1172. All right, bye.
Copy !req
1173. Get in.
Copy !req
1174. I'm gonna
address the elephant in the room.
Copy !req
1175. Okay, first of all, you...
Copy !req
1176. You guys, I want to say sorry to.
Copy !req
1177. Because what you're probably thinking
is not what happened.
Copy !req
1178. Accidents!
Copy !req
1179. I know you're like,
Copy !req
1180. "How can you accidentally
pistol-whip somebody
Copy !req
1181. "and shoot somebody?"
Copy !req
1182. it can happen.
Copy !req
1183. Okay? Today is proof
that it can happen. So...
Copy !req
1184. I'm glad I got to get that off my chest.
Copy !req
1185. Relax, Mr. Joyner. I believe you.
Copy !req
1186. Okay, thank you.
Copy !req
1187. Trust me, I know a
scared-shitless civilian when I see one.
Copy !req
1188. You don't have to convince me.
Copy !req
1189. You got him over here. That is me.
Copy !req
1190. Right now, I'm not comfortable.
Copy !req
1191. Okay, I am scared, okay?
Copy !req
1192. I don't have no shit in my system.
Copy !req
1193. If I sat down on a toilet,
nothing's coming out.
Copy !req
1194. Farts or just air.
Copy !req
1195. It'd sound like lasers.
Copy !req
1196. Thank you for that description.
Copy !req
1197. Mr. Joyner, let me explain something.
Copy !req
1198. Bob's last forced psych eval
Copy !req
1199. show a person rapidly losing
his grip on reality.
Copy !req
1200. Bob became obsessed with a ghost,
Copy !req
1201. a figment of his imagination,
Copy !req
1202. he started calling "The Black Badger."
Copy !req
1203. This obsession led to an instability,
Copy !req
1204. first reported by his partner, Phil,
three weeks ago.
Copy !req
1205. Just before Phil was killed in the field.
Copy !req
1206. Do you know how Phil died?
Copy !req
1207. Yeah, Bob told me that
The Black Badger killed him.
Copy !req
1208. What?
Copy !req
1209. What?
Copy !req
1210. Mr. Joyner, Bob Stone is The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1211. Phil was Bob's partner of six years.
Copy !req
1212. His best friend.
Copy !req
1213. - See you on the other side.
- See you on the other side.
Copy !req
1214. Hey, Bob!
Copy !req
1215. After he stole
the satellite encryption codes
Copy !req
1216. Bob betrayed Phil.
Copy !req
1217. No!
Copy !req
1218. He killed him to cover his tracks.
Copy !req
1219. And, after that, Bob went rogue.
Copy !req
1220. This is all that's left Of Phil.
Copy !req
1221. Um, this is PornHub.
Copy !req
1222. Oh, shit, shit, shit. Sorry.
Copy !req
1223. There you go.
Copy !req
1224. Oh! Oh, God! Oh, I didn't see that coming.
Copy !req
1225. Oh, man!
Copy !req
1226. - It's a hell of a way to go.
- Okay, wait a minute.
Copy !req
1227. Why wouldn't Bob just go sell
the satellite encryption codes himself?
Copy !req
1228. Because in a black market
blind-bidding situation,
Copy !req
1229. the buyer and the seller,
they don't know each other.
Copy !req
1230. They need the auction site
to tell them exactly where to meet up
Copy !req
1231. and when to make the exchange.
Copy !req
1232. The transaction number
from the auction site gives them that,
Copy !req
1233. which means Bob still needs you.
Copy !req
1234. Which is why we find ourselves
Copy !req
1235. in a little catch-and-release scenario.
Copy !req
1236. You are the only one Bob trusts.
Copy !req
1237. That's why we're putting you in the field.
Copy !req
1238. The next time you're with Bob,
Copy !req
1239. press this button.
Copy !req
1240. We're going to have him cold.
Copy !req
1241. Now, go take care of your marriage.
Copy !req
1242. One more thing. Don't tell your wife shit.
Copy !req
1243. All right.
Copy !req
1244. I just don't know
what's wrong.
Copy !req
1245. I mean, the man that I married,
Copy !req
1246. the person I knew in high school,
Copy !req
1247. he was filled
with drive and desire. I mean...
Copy !req
1248. We used to sneak off every lunch hour
Copy !req
1249. and make out under the gym bleachers.
Copy !req
1250. Like, that guy, back then,
Copy !req
1251. - he wanted things, you know?
- DR. DAN". Hmm.
Copy !req
1252. Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I couldn't find parking.
Copy !req
1253. Hi, no, no, it's okay.
We got started without you.
Copy !req
1254. Babe, Calvin, this is Dr. Dan.
Copy !req
1255. Hello, Calvin.
Copy !req
1256. - Oh, shit!
- Oh, jeez. What's the matter?
Copy !req
1257. - Holy shit! Get behind me!
- Honey... Calvin, what?
Copy !req
1258. It's okay, Maggie. It's okay. Just relax.
Copy !req
1259. This is a very common reaction
in the therapeutic process.
Copy !req
1260. - It is?
- What?
Copy !req
1261. It is. It absolutely is.
Copy !req
1262. Calvin, this is a very safe place.
Please, sit down.
Copy !req
1263. - This is not a safe place!
- No, no, no. Honey, it's a...
Copy !req
1264. No, this is most definitely
not a safe place!
Copy !req
1265. Me and my wife are leaving. Let's go.
Copy !req
1266. No, no, no! You are going to sit down,
Copy !req
1267. and we are going to go through
this therapeutic process...
Copy !req
1268. files.
- ... together, as a couple.
Copy !req
1269. Um... Fine, fine, fine.
Copy !req
1270. Sit down. Thank you.
Copy !req
1271. Fine.
Copy !req
1272. Okay, guys. Why don't we start off
with a little bit of word association?
Copy !req
1273. Okay.
Copy !req
1274. This is exciting.
Copy !req
1275. I've heard this can
really open a couple up.
Copy !req
1276. Uh, Maggie, I'm going
to offer you a word,
Copy !req
1277. and you respond
however you're moved to from here.
Copy !req
1278. Okay.
Copy !req
1279. - Black.
- White.
Copy !req
1280. - Water.
- Ocean.
Copy !req
1281. - Sunshine.
- Happy.
Copy !req
1282. - I'm very impressed, Maggie.
- Really?
Copy !req
1283. You're very in tune.
Copy !req
1284. I'm very in tune.
Copy !req
1285. Calvin, you're next.
Copy !req
1286. I do not want to do this.
Copy !req
1287. Relax, Calvin. There are no wrong answers.
Copy !req
1288. Up.
Copy !req
1289. Down.
Copy !req
1290. Mmm.
Copy !req
1291. "Mmm." What is that?
Copy !req
1292. What're you writing in your book?
Copy !req
1293. - It's fine. Don't freak out.
- Nobody's freaking out.
Copy !req
1294. I just don't understand
the rules to the game.
Copy !req
1295. Freaking out.
Copy !req
1296. Let's switch gears for a second, okay?
Copy !req
1297. Maggie, during lovemaking,
Copy !req
1298. have you ever placed anything
inside of Calvin's anus?
Copy !req
1299. What the hell did you just say?
Copy !req
1300. Well, yeah, there was this one time.
Copy !req
1301. - You remember? Game of Thrones finale.
- What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1302. I was Khaleesi, you were Littlefinger...
Copy !req
1303. - Okay, all right, stop. That's enough.
- Please, please, please.
Copy !req
1304. Why don't we try a simple
role-playing exercise?
Copy !req
1305. Calvin, you be Calvin
Copy !req
1306. and I will become Maggie.
Copy !req
1307. Mmm.
Copy !req
1308. I'm confused.
Copy !req
1309. It's called "soul gazing."
Copy !req
1310. Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.
Copy !req
1311. - Maggie, this...
- Hey. Shh.
Copy !req
1312. There's no talking, and don't look away.
Copy !req
1313. Stare into my soul.
Copy !req
1314. You are not my...
Copy !req
1315. Shh. There's no talking.
Copy !req
1316. Babe, I'm not staring...
Copy !req
1317. Me and you.
Stay with me. I'm your wife.
Copy !req
1318. You are not my wife.
Copy !req
1319. How could you hit your wife?
Copy !req
1320. How can I... How can I what?
Copy !req
1321. - You hit your wife!
- No...
Copy !req
1322. - He hit me!
- Okay.
Copy !req
1323. - He hit you!
- Okay.
Copy !req
1324. You hit us!
Copy !req
1325. - I'm swaddling you.
- I know what you're doing.
Copy !req
1326. - I'm swaddling you.
- I know what you're...
Copy !req
1327. Come here.
Copy !req
1328. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1329. You...
Copy !req
1330. You know what? We're leaving! Let's go!
Copy !req
1331. This is not real.
Copy !req
1332. It's real to me.
Copy !req
1333. You know what, Calvin?
Copy !req
1334. If you can't commit
to working on our marriage,
Copy !req
1335. then you need to let me know.
Copy !req
1336. Maggie, you...
Copy !req
1337. - What!
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1338. You're... Something's not right.
Copy !req
1339. Come on, Jet, listen.
Come on, come on, Jet!
Copy !req
1340. Now, I know things got
a little rough there at the end.
Copy !req
1341. But the truth is, with all the heat
that you have coming down on you,
Copy !req
1342. Maggie is definitely safer without you.
Copy !req
1343. And, trust me,
when this whole thing is said and done
Copy !req
1344. and you basically
save the entire free world,
Copy !req
1345. she's going to forgive you.
It'll all work itself out.
Copy !req
1346. It'll all work itself out?
Copy !req
1347. Okay, Bob, you know,
I'm sick of playing games with you.
Copy !req
1348. Where's the real Dr. Dan?
Copy !req
1349. What-what?
Copy !req
1350. Oh, my... Dr. Dan,
I had nothing to do with this.
Copy !req
1351. He's fine. I'll get you some water
in a little bit.
Copy !req
1352. - Thanks, doc.
- You know...
Copy !req
1353. That's it. That is it.
Copy !req
1354. That is it.
Copy !req
1355. All right, Jet.
Copy !req
1356. I see that Harris has given you
a button to push.
Copy !req
1357. Relax, I would've taken the same deal,
too, if I was in your shoes.
Copy !req
1358. Otherwise, she wouldn't
let you out of her sight, right?
Copy !req
1359. It makes perfect sense.
Copy !req
1360. But you're not going to
press the button, right?
Copy !req
1361. You got the top-secret satellite codes?
Copy !req
1362. Yes or no?
Copy !req
1363. This ain't the time to bullshit me.
Copy !req
1364. Okay, my ass is sweating.
Copy !req
1365. I'm nervous. Don't bullshit me!
Copy !req
1366. Of course not, dude. Hey, hey, come on!
Copy !req
1367. Of course I don't have the codes.
Copy !req
1368. Why would I go through
all this trouble, then?
Copy !req
1369. I need your skill set, Jet, to help me get
Copy !req
1370. the bank transaction numbers
to the winning bid.
Copy !req
1371. We already know it's going down tonight
Copy !req
1372. from the countdown on your computer.
Copy !req
1373. Now, all we need is the "where."
Copy !req
1374. And the bank transaction numbers
will give us the "where."
Copy !req
1375. That's why I need you.
Copy !req
1376. Your job gives you access to
Copy !req
1377. exactly that kind of information.
Copy !req
1378. Then we can get The Badger,
we can get the buyer
Copy !req
1379. in one fell swoop.
Copy !req
1380. And it'll all be over tonight.
Copy !req
1381. Please, I swear.
Copy !req
1382. You gotta believe me.
Copy !req
1383. Can't you just get us
the transaction number?
Copy !req
1384. Not when the money
originates from an offshore account.
Copy !req
1385. When that happens,
Copy !req
1386. then only a certified international
banking official can access it.
Copy !req
1387. But, it shouldn't be a problem.
We just give this guy
Copy !req
1388. the offshore account numbers
that you gave me,
Copy !req
1389. then he can give us the transaction number
Copy !req
1390. without knowing that
he's committing treason when he does it.
Copy !req
1391. Sound familiar?
Copy !req
1392. Ouch! Low blow, CJ.
Copy !req
1393. Hey, besides,
it's only treason if we're wrong.
Copy !req
1394. Who's this mystery man?
Copy !req
1395. It's Trevor.
Copy !req
1396. Trevor.
Copy !req
1397. This week
just keeps getting better.
Copy !req
1398. You know, I mean,
Copy !req
1399. Robbie Wheirdicht and Calvin
"The Golden Jet" Joyner in my office.
Copy !req
1400. Who would've thunk it? Not me.
Copy !req
1401. This is great, huh?
Copy !req
1402. Talk about caterpillar to the butterfly...
Copy !req
1403. What is this? P90X?
Copy !req
1404. More like "P1,000,000X," huh?
Copy !req
1405. Congratulations.
Copy !req
1406. Hey, I, um...
Copy !req
1407. I really appreciate the help, Trevor.
Copy !req
1408. My client's all on me
to get this stuff handled right away.
Copy !req
1409. So, you know, if we could...
Copy !req
1410. Say no more.
It's my pleasure. I've been there.
Copy !req
1411. These international accounts
can be very, very tricky
Copy !req
1412. if you don't have the right clearances.
Copy !req
1413. You can get a bunch of digital red tape.
Copy !req
1414. I'm happy to help, you know?
Copy !req
1415. Robbie.
Copy !req
1416. You're such a blast from the past, buddy.
Copy !req
1417. How long has it been since I saw you?
Copy !req
1418. Was it high school?
Copy !req
1419. What's that?
Copy !req
1420. Um... How we doing
with those account access codes?
Copy !req
1421. - Are they coming?
- It's coming.
Copy !req
1422. - Everything's good?
- It's coming.
Copy !req
1423. I'm going as fast as I can. I know
you guys are in a rush. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
1424. Anything for a couple of fellow Centaurs.
Copy !req
1425. Speaking of which, you guys are going
to the reunion tonight, right?
Copy !req
1426. No, I don't think so.
Copy !req
1427. You're both going.
Copy !req
1428. Here it is.
Here's your transaction number.
Copy !req
1429. You're both going
because you want to know what?
Copy !req
1430. Stinky Pete's going to be there.
Copy !req
1431. And Jimmy Longballs called me.
He's going to be hanging.
Copy !req
1432. Carlos Nagasaki, the Mexican eggroll.
He's going to be there.
Copy !req
1433. You guys will be missing out on a big one.
Copy !req
1434. Plus you know what they're going to do?
Copy !req
1435. They're going to vote on
homecoming king and queen again.
Copy !req
1436. Maybe you and Maggie
can make it two for two.
Copy !req
1437. Now, before you go,
stay seated one second.
Copy !req
1438. Give me two minutes, sit down.
Copy !req
1439. Men,
Copy !req
1440. a few years ago...
Copy !req
1441. I found the Lord Almighty.
Copy !req
1442. And, ever since then,
Copy !req
1443. my life has been
completely different. Okay?
Copy !req
1444. He's got a plan for
each and every one of us
Copy !req
1445. and, in his infinite wisdom,
Copy !req
1446. he makes no mistakes. Hmm?
Copy !req
1447. You're right about that.
Copy !req
1448. I think the Lord put you here because
Copy !req
1449. he wants me to get something off my chest.
Copy !req
1450. He wants me to clear my conscience
Copy !req
1451. and he wants me to ask for forgiveness.
Copy !req
1452. Robert.
Copy !req
1453. What I did to you
at that rally in senior year
Copy !req
1454. was a cowardly act.
Copy !req
1455. It's something that
I've regretted every single day.
Copy !req
1456. Yeah. I mean,
bullying is a national crisis.
Copy !req
1457. It can leave people
with a lifetime of pain.
Copy !req
1458. And I just have no excuse
for what I did to you.
Copy !req
1459. I mean, I did grow up in a house
with a father who was physical,
Copy !req
1460. but that doesn't give me
the right to take it out on somebody
Copy !req
1461. who at the time
was weaker, you know? So...
Copy !req
1462. Calvin, with this particular
transgression,
Copy !req
1463. I not only embarrassed him
but I also ruined your final speech.
Copy !req
1464. - No, no.
- Yes, I did.
Copy !req
1465. - It's okay. No, it's okay.
- No, really, I stole your thunder.
Copy !req
1466. And it's another thing that
I've had to live with every single day.
Copy !req
1467. And I work through it
in individual therapy as well as group,
Copy !req
1468. and I pray about it.
Copy !req
1469. So...
Copy !req
1470. I just want to say how truly sorry I am
Copy !req
1471. for what happened, you know.
Copy !req
1472. Or for what I did.
Copy !req
1473. It didn't just happen. I did it.
Copy !req
1474. I did it, and I wish to God
that I had not done it.
Copy !req
1475. So, I'm hoping that
you can find it in your heart
Copy !req
1476. to forgive me.
Copy !req
1477. I wasn't expecting this at all.
Copy !req
1478. Don't I know it. I know it.
Copy !req
1479. I'm just so happy.
Copy !req
1480. I don't know what to say.
Copy !req
1481. How about you say...
Copy !req
1482. "The Oscar goes to Trevor Olson."
Copy !req
1483. What do you mean?
Copy !req
1484. Weird Dick!
Copy !req
1485. You stupid ass!
Copy !req
1486. Good God, you're dumb!
Copy !req
1487. Dumber than ever, I guess!
Copy !req
1488. And you, too, Calvin!
Copy !req
1489. Look at that stupid look
on those two faces.
Copy !req
1490. "The Lord taught me to care."
Unbelievable.
Copy !req
1491. I'm a Scientologist. Okay, that's "A."
Copy !req
1492. And thetan-free since 2003.
Copy !req
1493. Clear as shit.
Copy !req
1494. And "I'm sorry for what I did"?
Copy !req
1495. Let me tell you what I'm sorry about.
Copy !req
1496. I'm sorry I didn't toss your naked ass
out there three more times.
Copy !req
1497. It was the best senior prank ever.
Copy !req
1498. I still get emails about it.
Copy !req
1499. And if I'd had
one of these bad boys back then,
Copy !req
1500. I would have shot it, uploaded it,
Copy !req
1501. and it would have gone crazy viral,
a zillion hits.
Copy !req
1502. Know what?
Copy !req
1503. You're going to regret
you ever opened your mouth.
Copy !req
1504. - You hear me, Trevor?
- Yeah? How come, Calvin?
Copy !req
1505. Because he's about to
whoop your ass, that's why.
Copy !req
1506. Who is?
Copy !req
1507. Bob, get up and whoop his ass.
Copy !req
1508. Here she comes!
Let me tell you something...
Copy !req
1509. Weird Dick can't chug
a bunch of fucking steroids and elk urine
Copy !req
1510. and suddenly be able to kick my ass.
Copy !req
1511. Fuck that! it ain't gonna happen.
Copy !req
1512. 'Cause here's why.
Copy !req
1513. Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.
Copy !req
1514. Huh? Prove me wrong.
Copy !req
1515. Bob, come on. Do what you did in the bar.
Copy !req
1516. Come on, hit me!
Copy !req
1517. And I'll sue your ass,
and take your fanny pack away.
Copy !req
1518. You got to make poopies?
Copy !req
1519. What's wrong, Bob?
Copy !req
1520. We got a john here.
Copy !req
1521. Or you got to change your rag?
Copy !req
1522. Maybe that's it.
Copy !req
1523. Jenny, you got an extra rag?
Copy !req
1524. - What's the matter with you?
- I just want to go.
Copy !req
1525. She wants to go.
Copy !req
1526. Go ahead. There you go.
Copy !req
1527. No, it's a push.
Copy !req
1528. Boy, 50-50 shot. You missed that.
Copy !req
1529. At least you found the handle.
Copy !req
1530. Boy, he's still a scared little bitch.
Copy !req
1531. You know, you're still an asshole.
Copy !req
1532. Yeah, well, you're still
shorter than my cat.
Copy !req
1533. Here's your transaction number.
Copy !req
1534. Hit it, dick licker.
Copy !req
1535. - Thank you, Trevor.
- Yup.
Copy !req
1536. Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.
Copy !req
1537. Bye-bye now.
Copy !req
1538. - Was it push or pull?
- Clean push.
Copy !req
1539. - Which one is it?
- You want me to do it for you?
Copy !req
1540. Which one is it?
Copy !req
1541. Hey, hey, hey! Goddamn it, Joyner!
Copy !req
1542. Jenny!
Copy !req
1543. Jenny, get the Windex!
And security for this one.
Copy !req
1544. Get your asshole off my door! That's it!
Copy !req
1545. Bob! Bob!
Copy !req
1546. Bob! Bob! Bob!
Copy !req
1547. Mr. Joyner. Guess who
we're about to arrest
Copy !req
1548. for conspiracy to commit treason.
Copy !req
1549. That's right. Your lovely wife.
Copy !req
1550. So, here's what you're going to do.
Copy !req
1551. You're going to tell us
exactly where you and Bob are.
Copy !req
1552. Then you're going to go outside
and you're going to keep Bob on-site
Copy !req
1553. until we arrive.
Copy !req
1554. And if he leaves, you lose.
Copy !req
1555. Is that clear?
Copy !req
1556. Oh, hey.
Copy !req
1557. I don't know what happened in there,
Copy !req
1558. and I just froze up.
Copy !req
1559. I locked up. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1560. Look, Bob, I...
Copy !req
1561. No, I gotta tell you something,
CJ, listen.
Copy !req
1562. You're the only one
who's ever been nice to me,
Copy !req
1563. the only one who's never laughed at me.
Copy !req
1564. And you're the only one
in this whole world that I trust.
Copy !req
1565. And I know you have a lot of friends,
Copy !req
1566. but I don't.
Copy !req
1567. You're my only friend, Calvin.
Copy !req
1568. And I will never
let you down again, I promise.
Copy !req
1569. I'm sorry, man.
Copy !req
1570. Sorry for what?
Copy !req
1571. I told Harris where we are.
Copy !req
1572. They were going to hurt Maggie.
Copy !req
1573. I had to. I didn't have a choice.
Copy !req
1574. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1575. Freeze, Bob! Hands on your head!
Copy !req
1576. Do it now!
Copy !req
1577. I know you know how this goes,
Copy !req
1578. so I'll spare you the dramatics.
Copy !req
1579. I'll ask you just once.
Copy !req
1580. Where are the satellite encryption codes?
Copy !req
1581. Aw. What's the matter, Bob?
Copy !req
1582. Are you upset that
your friend turned you in?
Copy !req
1583. I don't have any friends.
Copy !req
1584. Okay, I don't want to watch this, guys.
Copy !req
1585. Don't worry, it'll be over quick.
Copy !req
1586. She always gets them to break.
Copy !req
1587. Okay. You have it your way.
Copy !req
1588. We're going to do this old-school.
Copy !req
1589. Get the extraction tools.
Copy !req
1590. The extraction tools?
Copy !req
1591. If you don't have the stomach for it,
you can go.
Copy !req
1592. Come on.
Copy !req
1593. Stop recording.
Copy !req
1594. Why am I coming here?
I was told I'd be able to leave.
Copy !req
1595. You can leave,
Copy !req
1596. when Agent Harris says you can leave,
Copy !req
1597. which might be never.
Copy !req
1598. I gotta watch this.
Copy !req
1599. I'm sorry, Bob.
Copy !req
1600. I'm sorry, man.
Copy !req
1601. Oh, Jesus!
Copy !req
1602. What the hell?
Copy !req
1603. Hey! Hey!
Copy !req
1604. Don't move!
Copy !req
1605. You get your hands off!
Get them off the keyboard!
Copy !req
1606. - What are you doing, Calvin?
- Give me your keycard!
Copy !req
1607. Give me your keycard!
Copy !req
1608. Give it to me.
Copy !req
1609. - Okay...
- Go sit down.
Copy !req
1610. Okay. Yeah.
Copy !req
1611. Sorry. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1612. - Sit down! Sit down!
- Okay, okay, okay.
Copy !req
1613. You know, Bob?
Copy !req
1614. This is actually
my favorite part of the job.
Copy !req
1615. Thank you for being so uncooperative.
Copy !req
1616. What do you think
your little buddy, Joyner,
Copy !req
1617. would say if he could see you like this?
Copy !req
1618. Two words.
Copy !req
1619. I'm in.
Copy !req
1620. What-what?
Copy !req
1621. You're making a big mistake, Mr. Joyner.
Copy !req
1622. That's only if I'm wrong.
Copy !req
1623. Come on, Bob. Let's go!
Copy !req
1624. What're you doing? Come on, man!
Copy !req
1625. Okay, listen to me. Bob, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1626. I'm sorry I double-crossed you.
You hear me?
Copy !req
1627. I should've believed you,
I should've trusted you, and I didn't.
Copy !req
1628. I'm sorry for that.
Copy !req
1629. Listen to me. Bob,
we don't have time for this, man!
Copy !req
1630. I need you to tap into
that super-spy stuff
Copy !req
1631. and I need you to get us the hell
out of here right now. Do you hear me?
Copy !req
1632. I'm not a super spy, Calvin.
Copy !req
1633. I'm Robbie Wheirdicht, super tool.
Copy !req
1634. No, stop. You're not a super tool.
Copy !req
1635. You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht.
You're Bob Stone!
Copy !req
1636. - I made that name up.
- So what?
Copy !req
1637. - It's not real.
- What does that mean? What does that mean?
Copy !req
1638. You think Mr. T and Sting
were born with those names?
Copy !req
1639. How do you think I got
the name "Golden Jet" at high school?
Copy !req
1640. - 'Cause you're awesome.
- No, that's not how.
Copy !req
1641. In the eighth grade, I ran track.
It was my first race.
Copy !req
1642. Okay, the race came down
to me and this other kid.
Copy !req
1643. I wanted to win the race so damn bad
Copy !req
1644. that I ended up peeing in my pants
at the finish line.
Copy !req
1645. That's how I got the name "Golden Jet."
Copy !req
1646. So, take it from a guy who's literally
pissed his pants in front of everybody
Copy !req
1647. just to win a race.
Copy !req
1648. You are who you decide to be.
Copy !req
1649. And you chose to be
an international CIA spy.
Copy !req
1650. Come on, man.
You get to kill people for a living.
Copy !req
1651. How cool is that?
Copy !req
1652. I don't know.
Copy !req
1653. Kinda cool I guess.
Copy !req
1654. What do you mean "kinda cool"?
Ain't no kinda cool.
Copy !req
1655. Stop it! It's awesome.
Copy !req
1656. Now, come on, man. We boys?
Copy !req
1657. - We're boys.
- Oh!
Copy !req
1658. Sorry, Jet.
Copy !req
1659. Oh, God!
Copy !req
1660. Oh, God!
Copy !req
1661. See? Good as new.
Copy !req
1662. Wow. Sorry, man.
Copy !req
1663. Go, go!
Copy !req
1664. Get me out!
Copy !req
1665. He got the jump on us. Give me the key.
Copy !req
1666. Look out, Bob!
Copy !req
1667. Here, Jet! Get him!
Copy !req
1668. Watch out!
Copy !req
1669. Did you see that, Bob?
Copy !req
1670. I did the thing! I did the thing, Bob!
Copy !req
1671. Yeah!
Copy !req
1672. Yeah! Yeah!
Copy !req
1673. - Come on! Follow me!
- Let's do it!
Copy !req
1674. No! What the fuck am I doing?
Here! You get the gun.
Copy !req
1675. - I'm behind you. Go.
- All right.
Copy !req
1676. Oh, my God. There's two of them.
Copy !req
1677. Yeah, I'll distract them
and you open the door, okay?
Copy !req
1678. - What? No!
- Let's roll.
Copy !req
1679. No, no.
Copy !req
1680. Go, go!
Copy !req
1681. - Close in!
- Moving out!
Copy !req
1682. - Freeze, Bob!
- Sorry about this, guys.
Copy !req
1683. Nope, come here.
Copy !req
1684. Come on.
Copy !req
1685. Wrong keycard, pal. Turn around.
Copy !req
1686. You needed this one.
Copy !req
1687. On the ground, now.
Copy !req
1688. Can I say something first?
Copy !req
1689. - What?
- This is going to hurt.
Copy !req
1690. - Hey, get the keycard! Let's roll.
- All right, all right.
Copy !req
1691. Which car are we taking?
Copy !req
1692. Not that one.
Copy !req
1693. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1694. Oh, God. Oh, sh...
Copy !req
1695. Oh.
Copy !req
1696. Here we go, Jet.
Copy !req
1697. - Bob, they are shooting at us!
- It's okay, it's bulletproof.
Copy !req
1698. Drive, drive!
Copy !req
1699. Here you go, Jet.
Copy !req
1700. What's this?
Copy !req
1701. Bug-out bag, courtesy of the CIA.
Copy !req
1702. Go ahead and grab that
encrypted phone in there.
Copy !req
1703. For what?
Copy !req
1704. You still have the bank transaction code?
Copy !req
1705. How are transaction numbers gonna help us
find out where the bad guys are?
Copy !req
1706. Well, it's not bank transaction
numbers or codes, it's actually...
Copy !req
1707. Longitude and latitude.
Copy !req
1708. Look at the spy brain
on the Jet! What-what!
Copy !req
1709. You're like a chocolate
Google.
Copy !req
1710. Bob, don't do that. Stop it. Stop it.
Copy !req
1711. You're getting good at this, man.
Copy !req
1712. Yeah, you're absolutely right.
It's longitude and latitude.
Copy !req
1713. All you gotta do is plug those
digits into the GPS, and boom!
Copy !req
1714. We're gonna catch the buyer
and The Badger, just like that.
Copy !req
1715. Boston.
Copy !req
1716. We're gonna need a plane.
Copy !req
1717. You ever steal a plane before?
Copy !req
1718. - I stole some Starbursts one time.
- Mmm-hmm.
Copy !req
1719. So I don't know
if that compares or anything,
Copy !req
1720. but I wasn't successful with that.
Copy !req
1721. On the way out, I dropped 'em.
Copy !req
1722. Dropped the whole bag. The guy caught me.
Copy !req
1723. "What's that?" I just said, "A Starburst."
Copy !req
1724. Told him myself. It was a mess.
Copy !req
1725. Check it out. The universe provides.
Copy !req
1726. Oh.
Copy !req
1727. Golden Jet.
Copy !req
1728. - Golden Jet.
- Golden Jet.
Copy !req
1729. - It's just one guard in there.
- All right.
Copy !req
1730. 90% of spy work is distraction.
Copy !req
1731. You get in there and distract that guard,
Copy !req
1732. I'm gonna get us a plane.
Copy !req
1733. What?
Copy !req
1734. I don't know what the hell you expect...
Copy !req
1735. Bob!
Copy !req
1736. Bob!
Copy !req
1737. Fuck!
Copy !req
1738. Fuck you, Bob!
Copy !req
1739. Damn it!
Copy !req
1740. Hey, I need a plane.
Copy !req
1741. Sir, you cannot be in here.
This is a private airfield.
Copy !req
1742. I understand that but I have an organ
in this cooler right now
Copy !req
1743. that needs to get transported ASAP.
Copy !req
1744. Really?
Copy !req
1745. Because my sister-in-law
had a heart transplant last year
Copy !req
1746. and they did not bring it
in a Playmate lunch cooler.
Copy !req
1747. I hate to break it to you,
Copy !req
1748. but this is not a...
Copy !req
1749. - This is not a heart.
- It's not a heart?
Copy !req
1750. No, it's not.
Copy !req
1751. Hmm. What is it then?
Copy !req
1752. - It's a dick.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1753. I am made of questions right now.
Copy !req
1754. Well, you don't have to ask.
Copy !req
1755. Last night, lady got into it with a man.
Copy !req
1756. She ended up cutting his pecker off.
Copy !req
1757. She left with it, got in a car, drove,
Copy !req
1758. got on 95, threw it out the window.
Copy !req
1759. The second largest penis hunt
in the state history.
Copy !req
1760. The man was Korean, so you better believe
Copy !req
1761. it took a long time to find.
Copy !req
1762. You're stereotyping Korean dicks.
Copy !req
1763. That's racist.
Copy !req
1764. I've seen Korean dicks bigger than you.
Copy !req
1765. Okay, after finding it,
the guy brought it to me,
Copy !req
1766. and he said, "Do your due diligence in
getting this dick where it's got to go."
Copy !req
1767. That's what I do.
Copy !req
1768. I'm a dick deliverer specialist.
Copy !req
1769. Oh, DDS?
Copy !req
1770. Like a dentist but for dicks.
Copy !req
1771. Uh...
Copy !req
1772. So, people are like,
"Here's a dick. Find a plane."
Copy !req
1773. That's how you do it?
You're like an Uber for dicks?
Copy !req
1774. Where do you get these jobs?
On Craigslist?
Copy !req
1775. Okay, sir, we don't need
to demean each other here.
Copy !req
1776. I don't believe a word you're saying.
Copy !req
1777. Let me see it.
Copy !req
1778. I have no problem showing you this.
Copy !req
1779. So if you wanna see it
then get ready to see.
Copy !req
1780. - Here I go.
- Go for it.
Copy !req
1781. Oh, shit! on, shit.
Copy !req
1782. I'm just kidding. This is my friend.
Copy !req
1783. - Oh!
- It's my buddy.
Copy !req
1784. His name's Snake Gyllenhaal.
Copy !req
1785. - He guards my lunch.
- Okay, that's enough.
Copy !req
1786. It's gotta be Harris, right?
Copy !req
1787. What do you mean?
Copy !req
1788. I mean, she's gotta be The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1789. It's the only thing that makes sense.
Copy !req
1790. I mean, she's had access
to the encryption codes
Copy !req
1791. and she's so hot and bothered about
pinning this whole thing on you.
Copy !req
1792. It's gotta be her!
Copy !req
1793. I don't know, Jet.
Copy !req
1794. I'm pretty sure she thinks
I'm The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1795. She worked me over pretty good
in that interrogation room.
Copy !req
1796. Hold on, wait, wait... What's going on?
Copy !req
1797. What's that?
What's going on right now, Bob?
Copy !req
1798. No biggie. We're completely outta gas.
Copy !req
1799. Oh, my... on!
Copy !req
1800. We're going down, Jet!
There's nothing I can do!
Copy !req
1801. - Oh, shit!
- Really quickly...
Copy !req
1802. What's the one thing
you wish you'd done in your life?
Copy !req
1803. The one thing I wish I hadn't done
is not get in a plane with a guy
Copy !req
1804. who didn't check the goddamned fuel!
Copy !req
1805. - Why wouldn't you check the fuel?
- No, something that's real.
Copy !req
1806. What's the one thing
you regret not doing for you?
Copy !req
1807. Oh, my God! I think we're gonna die!
Copy !req
1808. Not having a kid, man!
Copy !req
1809. Not being a father!
Copy !req
1810. I regret not being a father!
Copy !req
1811. Maggie, I should've gave you a kid!
Copy !req
1812. I should've gave you my seed, Maggie!
Copy !req
1813. I should've!
Copy !req
1814. I'm so selfish!
Copy !req
1815. I'm sorry, Maggie!
Copy !req
1816. - That wasn't so hard, right?
- What?
Copy !req
1817. Hey, just for the record,
Copy !req
1818. I think you'd make a great dad.
Copy !req
1819. Did you just fake this whole thing?
Copy !req
1820. Yeah, kinda.
Copy !req
1821. You gotta be shitting me glory!
Copy !req
1822. No, not at all.
Copy !req
1823. I just thought that maybe a
facing-your-own-death situation
Copy !req
1824. might help motivate you
to clarify some of your goals in life.
Copy !req
1825. And, hey, between me and you,
Copy !req
1826. I know you've been struggling
a little bit.
Copy !req
1827. You know what I'm struggling with
right now, Bob?
Copy !req
1828. Not whooping your ass.
Copy !req
1829. Okay, Jet.
Hey, you're really cute when you cry.
Copy !req
1830. Stop it! Enough!
Copy !req
1831. I don't get it.
Copy !req
1832. I mean, if these coordinates are correct,
Copy !req
1833. we should be standing right on top of it.
Copy !req
1834. The deal doesn't go down
for another 30 minutes, Jet,
Copy !req
1835. - so we're kinda early.
- No!
Copy !req
1836. Why would you do it
out in the open like this?
Copy !req
1837. Why would you take that risk?
Copy !req
1838. Just doesn't make any sense, man.
Copy !req
1839. Shit! Come on.
Copy !req
1840. Wait.
Copy !req
1841. Oh, wait.
It's not happening up here.
Copy !req
1842. No, it's not. It's...
Copy !req
1843. Oh, it's happening beneath us. Look.
Copy !req
1844. It's an underground parking garage.
Copy !req
1845. Yeah, that's a good eye, Jet.
Copy !req
1846. Why don't you stay up here?
Keep overwatch.
Copy !req
1847. I'll go down there and check things out.
Copy !req
1848. Wait, what? No, I'm going with you.
Copy !req
1849. You can't go with me.
The smarter play is if we split up.
Copy !req
1850. Smarter play for who?
Copy !req
1851. Do you know what happens
when people split up, Bob?
Copy !req
1852. Somebody dies!
Copy !req
1853. I'd be the one to die. You know why?
Copy !req
1854. Because I don't have a bulletproof vest
and I don't have a gun!
Copy !req
1855. Which means that you
are my bulletproof vest!
Copy !req
1856. My little black ass is gonna stay
behind you, you're not leaving me!
Copy !req
1857. That's exactly why
you should stay up here.
Copy !req
1858. Look, if you went down
in that garage and you got shot to death,
Copy !req
1859. you know how hurt I would be?
Copy !req
1860. I'd be super bummed out!
I don't want that.
Copy !req
1861. It's safer for you up here.
Copy !req
1862. If something happened up here,
what am I supposed to do, Bob?
Copy !req
1863. How do I get your attention?
Make a bird call?
Copy !req
1864. Does that sound like a bird to you? Huh?
Copy !req
1865. That's my biggest weakness!
I can't make bird noises.
Copy !req
1866. I never could.
Copy !req
1867. So if that's what
I gotta depend on to live,
Copy !req
1868. it means I'm gonna die!
I'mma die up here, by myself
Copy !req
1869. sounding like a dead-ass pigeon.
Copy !req
1870. - I have no idea what a pigeon...
- Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet!
Copy !req
1871. You don't have to make bird noises.
Copy !req
1872. You don't have to sound like a pigeon.
Copy !req
1873. All you gotta do
is call me on the encrypted phone
Copy !req
1874. that's in your hand.
Copy !req
1875. - Okay?
- Okay, Yeah.
Copy !req
1876. - I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1877. All right?
Copy !req
1878. Oh, Jet.
Copy !req
1879. I'll see you on the other side.
Copy !req
1880. Yeah.
Copy !req
1881. Yeah.
Copy !req
1882. You're early.
Copy !req
1883. So are you.
Copy !req
1884. Come on.
Copy !req
1885. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1886. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1887. I knew it.
Copy !req
1888. I knew it. I knew
she was The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1889. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1890. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone.
Copy !req
1891. Yello?
Copy !req
1892. Bob, Harris is The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1893. Hello?
Copy !req
1894. Harris is The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1895. I can't hear you.
Copy !req
1896. Harris is The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1897. Just kidding! I'm not here.
Leave a message at the beep.
Copy !req
1898. What?
Copy !req
1899. Oh. Harris is
The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1900. Harris is The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1901. I knew it. I knew it.
Harris is The Black Badger!
Copy !req
1902. Bob! Harris is The...
Copy !req
1903. Who is he?
Copy !req
1904. That's my partner.
Copy !req
1905. I don't like splitting my fees.
Copy !req
1906. The package. Please.
Copy !req
1907. Thought you'd never ask.
Copy !req
1908. Wait! You're making a mistake.
Copy !req
1909. Hello, Bob.
Copy !req
1910. But you're dead.
Copy !req
1911. Not as much as people think.
Copy !req
1912. Look, he's not The Black Badger...
Copy !req
1913. lam.
Copy !req
1914. And those aren't the encryption codes,
Copy !req
1915. these are.
Copy !req
1916. He's lying to you.
Copy !req
1917. This man is a CIA agent,
Copy !req
1918. and he's trying to sell you bogus plans.
Copy !req
1919. Damn.
Copy !req
1920. Ow, ow.
Copy !req
1921. He shot me.
Copy !req
1922. These are the real codes
Copy !req
1923. and I am the real Black Badger.
Copy !req
1924. Bob is The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1925. Bob is The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1926. I am The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1927. Phil?
Copy !req
1928. No, I'm The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1929. I'm starting to think
I might be The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1930. Here's the thing.
Copy !req
1931. I have no idea
who is the real Black Badger.
Copy !req
1932. And I don't care.
Copy !req
1933. 'Cause I'm The Honey Badger.
Copy !req
1934. And The Honey Badger doesn't give a shit.
Copy !req
1935. The Honey Badger's nasty.
Copy !req
1936. He's so nasty, he'll take them both.
Copy !req
1937. Hand them over.
Copy !req
1938. Phil, when this thing is over,
Copy !req
1939. I'm going to rip your throat out
like Patrick Swayze in Road House.
Copy !req
1940. Oh, my God. You and Road House.
Copy !req
1941. Get over that movie.
Copy !req
1942. It sucked then, it sucks now.
Copy !req
1943. Fuck Patrick Swayze!
Copy !req
1944. How dare you!
Copy !req
1945. Drop your weapons!
Copy !req
1946. Oh! Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1947. The codes.
Copy !req
1948. Don't do it.
Copy !req
1949. Stupid.
Copy !req
1950. Okay.
Copy !req
1951. One,
Copy !req
1952. two,
Copy !req
1953. three! Shit!
Copy !req
1954. Uh-Oh! Oh!
Copy !req
1955. No!
Copy !req
1956. He's got the codes!
Copy !req
1957. Whoo!
Copy !req
1958. I mean, this is crazy, right?
Copy !req
1959. You stay the hell away from me, Bob!
Copy !req
1960. You shot me in the neck!
Copy !req
1961. Jet!
Copy !req
1962. Okay.
Copy !req
1963. Golden Jet for the win!
Copy !req
1964. No. Shit!
Copy !req
1965. Drop your weapon, Bob.
Copy !req
1966. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1967. Get behind me, Mr. Joyner.
Copy !req
1968. Ah, you don't wanna do that, Jet.
Copy !req
1969. It's obvious he's the bad guy.
Copy !req
1970. I'm the good guy. You wanna get behind me.
Copy !req
1971. Agent Harris had me go dark
Copy !req
1972. to get Bob to reveal himself
as The Black Badger.
Copy !req
1973. You don't seriously
believe this guy, do you?
Copy !req
1974. You wanna get behind me, Jet.
Copy !req
1975. You betrayed your nation, Bob.
Copy !req
1976. You betrayed your partner, Phil.
Copy !req
1977. Okay, no, wait! Everybody just stop!
Copy !req
1978. Cut the shit!
Copy !req
1979. I'mma cut the line right now!
Copy !req
1980. I cut the shit!
Copy !req
1981. Hear me? Now I don't care
who betrayed who.
Copy !req
1982. Okay? I just don't wanna get hurt!
Copy !req
1983. So there ain't gonna be no... Shit!
Copy !req
1984. Come on.
Copy !req
1985. Shi...
Copy !req
1986. Shit.
Copy !req
1987. Smart move, Mr. Joyner.
Copy !req
1988. You've done your country a great service.
Copy !req
1989. Now, hand me the firearm
Copy !req
1990. and we'll turn over
the satellite codes together.
Copy !req
1991. Stay right there, man.
Don't you take another step.
Copy !req
1992. Just because I shot him
does not mean I trust you.
Copy !req
1993. We don't have time for this.
Copy !req
1994. Stop! I said, "Stop."
Copy !req
1995. Aw, whoopsie.
Copy !req
1996. Nice throw, bitch.
Copy !req
1997. You wanna know why your pal Bob
could never have been The Black Badger?
Copy !req
1998. It's because he's too weak.
Copy !req
1999. And if I had to hear
another goddamned story
Copy !req
2000. about Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner
Copy !req
2001. and how awesome you were in high school
Copy !req
2002. and how you were
this big idiot's best friend,
Copy !req
2003. I was just gonna lose it.
Copy !req
2004. Looking at you right now,
you don't seem so cool.
Copy !req
2005. You just seem like a regular guy.
Copy !req
2006. An everyday Joe.
Copy !req
2007. You know, faking my own death
was the easy part.
Copy !req
2008. But dealing with Bob, day after day,
was the hard part.
Copy !req
2009. Hey, Phil.
Copy !req
2010. What, Bob?
Copy !req
2011. I'll see you on the other side.
Copy !req
2012. No, I hope we don't. All right?
Copy !req
2013. Just, no. Bye, bye, bye.
Copy !req
2014. Just go.
Copy !req
2015. I made up the Black Badger,
rigged up a blood bag
Copy !req
2016. and that big dummy bought it.
Copy !req
2017. Bob!
Copy !req
2018. No, no! Hang on, buddy.
Copy !req
2019. No, there's some sort of bomb in here.
Copy !req
2020. You're pushing it closed, I think.
Copy !req
2021. - No, no, no. Sorry.
- No, don't give up!
Copy !req
2022. Bye, Bob.
Copy !req
2023. I'm getting away with
a half a billion dollars.
Copy !req
2024. And Boy Scout Bob is gonna
spend his life in prison.
Copy !req
2025. Ain't America great?
Copy !req
2026. So now you're gonna be
the second partner of Bob's to die.
Copy !req
2027. Just relax.
Copy !req
2028. On your knees, Golden Jet.
Copy !req
2029. What the hell was that?
Copy !req
2030. Golden Jet flip.
Copy !req
2031. Yeah? Well, you really suck at it.
Copy !req
2032. I know.
Copy !req
2033. Then Why'd you do it?
Copy !req
2034. Distraction.
Copy !req
2035. Oh, you just pulled his throat out!
Copy !req
2036. I'll see you on the other side.
Copy !req
2037. Jet, come here.
Give me your hand, old buddy.
Copy !req
2038. Oh, shit! Get that away from me!
Copy !req
2039. Sorry, Jet.
Copy !req
2040. - Come here, Jet.
- That was a trachea.
Copy !req
2041. Great distraction, man!
Copy !req
2042. Sorry I had to shoot you, Jet.
Copy !req
2043. It was the only way
I could save your life.
Copy !req
2044. But when you shot me
to get Phil to confess
Copy !req
2045. that he was The Black Badger,
Copy !req
2046. that was some next-level-type shit!
Copy !req
2047. Yeah, no.
I'm glad you see it the way I saw it.
Copy !req
2048. That was my plan the whole time. So...
Copy !req
2049. You are a natural for this line of work.
Copy !req
2050. I mean, you're smart,
you got the skill set,
Copy !req
2051. you're a people person
Copy !req
2052. and you already got a dope-ass code name,
"The Golden Jet!" What?
Copy !req
2053. But in the meantime,
we gotta get those encryption codes
Copy !req
2054. over to Harris right away
or we're gonna be late.
Copy !req
2055. What are you talking about? Late for what?
Copy !req
2056. The reunion, dude. What-what!
This shit's on!
Copy !req
2057. Bob. Damn it.
Copy !req
2058. Bob!
Copy !req
2059. One more thing.
Copy !req
2060. Thanks for securing the satellite codes.
Copy !req
2061. You really saved my ass.
Copy !req
2062. Your country thanks you.
Copy !req
2063. Just doing my job.
Copy !req
2064. I'm really sorry about your hand.
I hope you know that wasn't personal.
Copy !req
2065. Oh, no hard feelings at all, Pam.
Copy !req
2066. Besides, everybody makes mistakes.
Copy !req
2067. Calvin, here, thought
you were The Black Badger.
Copy !req
2068. I don't... No, I don't think...
Copy !req
2069. When we were in the plane,
you said, "Hey, Harris is the Black..."
Copy !req
2070. I think you should... Maybe I...
Copy !req
2071. Mr. Joyner, it was a pleasure
working with you.
Copy !req
2072. If you ever want a career change,
you give me a call.
Copy !req
2073. If I were to give you a call,
how would I get in touch with you?
Copy !req
2074. Just pick up any phone in your house.
Copy !req
2075. They're all bugged.
Copy !req
2076. You're crazy. Hey, you're crazy!
Copy !req
2077. That's a good one.
Copy !req
2078. Calvin! I got your text
and came right over.
Copy !req
2079. Where the hell have you been?
Why did you get out of a helicopter?
Copy !req
2080. ', Uh, Maggie.
Copy !req
2081. Uh, hi!
Copy !req
2082. Babe, why is Dr. Dan with you?
Copy !req
2083. Well... Uh...
Copy !req
2084. That's not Dr. Dan.
Copy !req
2085. Allow me to properly introduce myself.
Copy !req
2086. My name is Bob Stone,
Copy !req
2087. the artist formerly known as
Robbie Wheirdicht.
Copy !req
2088. I work for the CIA.
Copy !req
2089. I roped your husband
into helping me track down a traitor,
Copy !req
2090. who was gonna sell
military state secrets to a terrorist.
Copy !req
2091. We did all that, we stopped them,
Copy !req
2092. we saved the free world, and here we are.
Copy !req
2093. What the hell is going on?
Copy !req
2094. Okay, listen, listen.
Copy !req
2095. I've been a fool. All right?
Copy !req
2096. I thought that my life was a failure.
Copy !req
2097. I thought that it wasn't special.
But it is special.
Copy !req
2098. It's special because I have you in it.
Copy !req
2099. You are my world.
You are what makes me special!
Copy !req
2100. You're everything to me, Mags.
Copy !req
2101. I love you.
Copy !req
2102. I love you.
Copy !req
2103. Okay.
Copy !req
2104. Here come the waterworks.
Copy !req
2105. I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
Copy !req
2106. - Come on, come on.
- Okay.
Copy !req
2107. - That's Robbie Wheirdicht?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
2108. - Hi, Brian.
- Hi, Gail.
Copy !req
2109. Guys, this isn't a good idea.
You know what?
Copy !req
2110. I'll just meet you later.
I shouldn't have come.
Copy !req
2111. Wait, wait, wait.
Copy !req
2112. Bob, calm down, okay? Listen to me.
Copy !req
2113. Tonight is not gonna be
how high school was for you 20 years ago.
Copy !req
2114. I promise.
Copy !req
2115. Attention, por favor.
Copy !req
2116. And now,
Copy !req
2117. for the moment
you've all been waiting for,
Copy !req
2118. tonight's vote for the reunion
homecoming king and queen!
Copy !req
2119. We'll announce the queen in one moment.
Copy !req
2120. But first, without further ado...
Copy !req
2121. The new homecoming king
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2122. for the Central High School Centaurs,
Class of 1996 is...
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2123. I really gotta pee, Jet.
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2124. Bob Stone!
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2125. Do we have a Bob Stone?
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2126. Here he is, Bob Stone, huh!
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2127. Yeah!
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2128. Go on, get your rock-hard ass up there.
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2129. For reals?
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2130. For reals, for reals. Go ahead, man.
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2131. Whoo!
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2132. You did it, big guy!
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2133. How did Bob Stone win homecoming king?
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2134. I hacked into the votes on the flight in.
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2135. Calvin Joyner, forensic accountant,
at your service.
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2136. I had no idea you could do that.
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2137. There's a lot of things
that you don't know about me, Maggie.
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2138. No, scratch that I said that.
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2139. It was supposed to
come out cool. It didn't.
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2140. It was something I thought of,
it was like a...
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2141. Forget it.
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2142. Well, well, let's hear it for him!
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2143. Fat Robbie made good.
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2144. King Robbie Weird Dick, our naked mascot.
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2145. Why don't you just
get out of the way, Trevor?
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2146. Or what, Golden Jet?
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2147. You're gonna hop up here
and punch me in the belt?
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2148. Simmer down, Ant-Man.
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2149. - You know what? That's it. That's it.
- It's okay.
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2150. - It's all right.
- No, I've had it!
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2151. - I got it, Jet. It's okay.
- It's okay.
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2152. I'll handle it.
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2153. Whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'm not buying
this whole transformation
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2154. from ugly duckling into swan.
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2155. No one in here is.
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2156. You can fly in, in a bunch of helicopters
and dress up in a thousand suits,
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2157. but to everybody, including me,
you'll always just be the fat kid.
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2158. I've been thinking
about this a lot, Trevor.
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2159. And the only thing I want to say to you
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2160. is I forgive you.
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2161. You forgive me! Oh, boy! For what?
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2162. For being rad as shit.
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2163. Fuck you, fat boy.
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2164. Still a scared little bitch.
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2165. I don't like bullies.
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2166. And the name is Bob Stone, bitch!
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2167. Whoa-whom.!
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2168. Come on, baby. Step over.
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2169. Hi, everybody!
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2170. Most of you knew me back in high school as
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2171. Robbie Wheirdicht.
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2172. - That's Robbie Wheirdicht?
- No way!
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2173. I wore prescription pants every day.
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2174. Twenty years ago, in this gym,
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2175. I stood in front of you all
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2176. naked
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2177. and embarrassed.
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2178. Some of you might remember that day.
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2179. A lot of you probably even laughed.
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2180. But that's okay.
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2181. Tonight's gonna be different because
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2182. my best friend is here with me.
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2183. And he taught me what it means
to be the hero of your own story.
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2184. Would you hold this for me, please?
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2185. Being the hero of your own story
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2186. isn't about stopping bad guys
or climbing mountains.
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2187. It's about overcoming bullies
in your life,
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2188. whatever or whomever they may be.
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2189. It's about putting it all out there
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2190. for everyone
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2191. to see.
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2192. And it's realizing that, in life,
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2193. the most important thing that you can be
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2194. is yourself.
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2195. So, Central High, Class of 1996,
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2196. this is me, Robbie Wheirdicht.
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2197. Oh, my God! Bob just went commando!
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2198. Yes! Yes!
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2199. Way to go, Bob!
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2200. Be you!
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2201. Robbie!
Robbie! Robbie!
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2202. Robbie! Robbie! Robbie!
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2203. 'Hey, man!
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2204. Dude, this is amazing!
I'm so happy for you!
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2205. Thank you, Jet! I feel so free!
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2206. - Come here.
- No, no, no.
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2207. Your 'gunk "vs out.
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2208. - Oh. Sorry, Jet.
- Excuse me.
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2209. Hi, Robbie.
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2210. - You probably don't remember me.
- Darla.
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2211. - Is that Darla McGuckian?
- Yeah.
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2212. Wow! She looks great!
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2213. Didn't she used to have a lazy eye?
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2214. - Two of them.
- Wow.
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2215. I can't believe you remember me.
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2216. Remember you?
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2217. How could I forget you?
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2218. You still have the same sweet smile,
the same sweet face.
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2219. But your hair's changed.
You used to wear it curlier.
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2220. I like it though.
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2221. You haven't changed at all.
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2222. Oh, I don't know.
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2223. You're still as beautiful as ever.
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2224. Oh.
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2225. - Yeah, Bob!
- Go, Bob!
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2226. No, no, no.
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2227. Oh, I got Spinny-
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2228. Super spinny.
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2229. Yeah, that's nice.
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2230. - Can I take you to get ice-cream...
- Yes.
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2231. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
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2232. Super lactose intolerant, but that's okay.
Let's roll the dice.
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2233. That's my jam!
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2234. Go show them what you got.
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2235. - All right, Darla.
- Okay.
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2236. Darla, hi. Calvin.
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2237. Hi, Colin. Nice to meet you.
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2238. - Calvin.
- And Maggie.
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2239. Maggie, hi!
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2240. Hi. You look so good.
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2241. - My gosh, you look the same.
- You do too.
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2242. Oh, I don't know.
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2243. You probably remember me
as The Golden Jet.
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2244. Your name's Golden Jeff? Hi, Jeff.
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2245. It's okay. Good to see you.
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2246. - Good going, Bob!
- Come on, Bob!
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2247. - All right.
- Good luck!
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2248. - Love you.
- I love you.
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2249. I love you, too, little Golden Jet!
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2250. Mmm...
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2251. Okay. Uh...
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2252. How long do you think he's been there?
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2253. Hmm, probably since last night.
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2254. All right, babe, I'll see you later.
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2255. Have fun with your friend!
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2256. Who, me?
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2257. Yes, you.
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2258. Wow, Jet!
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2259. You look amazing!
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2260. - Do you think?
- Oh, what? Yes!
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2261. I just didn't know
the kind of look to go for
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2262. on my first day at the agency.
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2263. You look like a black Will Smith,
or something.
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2264. Okay, I'm not sure
if that's racist or not,
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2265. but I'll take it as a compliment.
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2266. All right, cool. Yeah, come on!
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2267. Okay.
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2268. All right. Don't be nervous.
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2269. You are gonna do great.
They're gonna love you!
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2270. Oh, Jet, Jet, Jet!
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2271. Um, before we go, man, uh...
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2272. I got a surprise for you.
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2273. Okay. What's the surprise?
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2274. Well, you gotta close your eyes first.
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2275. Eyes are closed.
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2276. No peeking.
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2277. Open your eyes.
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2278. Is that my... Is that my jacket?
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2279. Yes!
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2280. - Bob, is that my jacket?
- Yes!
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2281. - No, wait a minute.
- Yes!
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2282. Oh, my God!
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2283. Dude, where'd you get this from?
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2284. Well, I sleep in it most nights,
but it's clean now, totally good. Yeah!
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2285. Man! You are the man! Yes!
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2286. - Family hug! What?
- Ooh. Okay.
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2287. All right, let's go!
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2288. - Okay.
- All right.
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2289. You still ride?
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2290. Cut! The fire department's here.
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2291. All right. That's our cue, guys!
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2292. Here we are
shooting Central Intelligence.
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2293. They shut us down.
The fire trucks are out here.
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2294. - Shut the fuck up!
- Will you get the fuck out of my video?
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2295. I'mma slap the dogshit out of you.
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2296. Why do you do your video behind me?
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2297. - I'm trying to do my video!
- This is my video!
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2298. - You're in my fucking video!
- I'm pissed off.
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2299. Watch your mouth,
I'll slap the shit out of you.
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2300. FUCK you!
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2301. Okay. You have it your way.
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2302. You leave me no choice.
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2303. Pam...
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2304. Tickler! Tickler!
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2305. Where are the codes? Where are the codes?
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2306. It's just nice.
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2307. In here and it's kind of all...
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2308. - Oh, my God.
- Sorry.
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2309. - Can you do both?
- Yeah.
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2310. Oh, my God!
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2311. It's called "soul gazing."
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2312. Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.
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2313. - Come in. Shh.
- You're not my wife!
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2314. Oh, that's it.
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2315. - Bob, I'm gonna...
- Shh.
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2316. I promise you'll never...
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2317. Let's keep on, keep on.
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2318. Okay, for real this time.
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2319. It's for real.
This is for real, guys, yeah.
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2320. - That's it!
- Oh.
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2321. One more. Come on.
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2322. - I can't do this, I'm not...
- Shh.
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2323. Oh, my God. I've fucking had it.
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2324. Lock it! We're professionals.
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2325. - This is what we do. You ready?
- Come on, baby!
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2326. I'm gonna hit you. I told you!
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2327. Fuck!
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2328. Are you not a super tool?
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2329. You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht.
You're Bob Stone!
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2330. - I made that name up.
- So what?
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2331. - It's not real.
- What does that mean?
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2332. What, you think Mr. T and Sting
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2333. and The Rock...
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2334. You think those guys are real?
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2335. That's a bunch of dumb-ass nicknames
by a bunch of dumb-ass people.
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2336. Fanny!
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2337. English - SDH
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