1. Black coffee with sugar, please.
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2. That glass out front? A window
popped out of the 12th floor.
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3. We could have been under it.
Not the idiot that installed it ...
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4. You're walking down the street.
Bam! You're shredded beef.
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5. Makes you think, doesn't it?
We all have things we want to do.
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6. But a window falls on you, some truck
flattens you, you catch a disease ...
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7. Not contagious.
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8. Carla, you know Martin Harvey,
new products?
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9. Marty wants to write a novel. About
adventures in product development?
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10. - I said some day ...
- Exactly! "Some day."
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11. Martin Harvey? Sign on the line.
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12. Some day I'll retire, some day
we'll have more time for our kids.
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13. Some day Marty will write.
What if some day never comes?
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14. My floor. Coming through.
Come on, step lively ...
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15. Going down!
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16. Junk! How much junk
can one person carry?
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17. Ben's little red wagon ...
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18. I'm coming!
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19. Caroline, I asked you to do ...
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20. Yes? Oh, hi, Mrs. Holtzman,
how are you?
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21. It's not gonna happen at that price.
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22. I have a couple of pieces
of really big news!
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23. Well, let's see. You have 532 ...
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24. .. square feet. No way you're
gonna come in under $1,600.
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25. Right.
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26. I do, too. I've just
got one word to say to you.
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27. Congoleum!
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28. I've been hurt!
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29. No, clearly we both prefer tile.
There's just no way ...
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30. Can I call you right back,
Mrs. Holtzman?
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31. Great! And don't sign anything
until you talk to me.
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32. Great ... All right ... Fine ...
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33. OK ... Soon. Bye.
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34. Martin?
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35. What is he doing home so early?
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36. - I'm home!
- Martin?
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37. - Mom?
- Martin?
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38. - Mom!
- Martin!
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39. - Mom?
- What are you doing up there?
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40. Remember my Uncle William? Sailed
off in 1962 and never came back?
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41. Oh, no, don't tell me. He's back?
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42. Is he coming for a visit? I can't.
This has been a terrible week.
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43. He's not coming to visit.
He's dead.
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44. There I am, the last time I saw him.
And he left us that.
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45. - An old steering wheel?
- No. Everything it's attached to.
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46. - You inherited an old boat?
- We're getting a boat? Cool!
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47. - What did I say about eavesdropping?
- OK. Are we getting a boat?
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48. - We have to talk about it.
- We're getting a boat!
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49. It's not just an old boat.
It's from the Clark Gable estate.
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50. I phoned three boat brokers.
She's worth over $250,000!
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51. Get out of here!
Honey, we can really use that money!
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52. We could pay off the second
on the house and the credit card!
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53. How quick can we sell it?
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54. There's one little catch. It's
on the island San Pomme de Terre.
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55. - Sounds romantic, huh?
- It means potato.
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56. - It has to be brought to Miami.
- It means "Saint Potato".
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57. That's not the point. The point is
we can sail it ourselves.
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58. - We don't know how to sail.
- We'll use the engine and learn.
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59. We don't know how to drive a boat.
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60. The Caribbean is full of captains.
We'll hire one to take it to Miami
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61. and teach us how to sail
at the same time.
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62. 30-45 days under sail. An adventure.
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63. Mm-mm.
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64. - What do you mean?
- What could I mean?
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65. No. We can't do this right now.
We can't do it!
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66. We'll get a boat mover.
And they will bring it here.
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67. It's about a spontaneous moment
that we just grab at.
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68. We'll be spontaneous
when we have time.
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69. Can I speak to Jason, please?
It's Ben Harvey.
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70. - And there's taxes!
- It's a lifetime experience.
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71. We're getting a boat!
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72. I'll call you back.
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73. Who put food on the kitchen
table? Did you do this?
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74. Do what, Mom?
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75. All my modifications are washed off.
A week's worth of work, gone.
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76. Listen to you! Floors and windows
are the biggest thing in your life.
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77. We don't give our kids enough
attention. Don't interrupt us.
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78. What about your job? My clients?
We have children that are in school!
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79. We'll take them out. Are they getting
a good education? Two plus three?
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80. - We can broaden their horizons.
- Five!
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81. - Don't you try to guilt trip me.
- I'm not trying anything.
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82. - Yes! You always do this!
- Our kids know nothing about life.
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83. Give me a sec to tell them, OK?
This is so cool!
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84. - What would make you consider it?
- There is nothing to say.
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85. I will not drop everything and go
to a place no one's ever heard of.
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86. Mom, Dad, guess what?
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87. I got engaged.
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88. Yo. Mom. Dad.
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89. What?
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90. These are some of your uncle's
things, removed for safekeeping.
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91. We buried him in a place
overlooking the water.
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92. That was very nice of you.
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93. We had to. We have
no refrigeration facilities ...
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94. We understand.
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95. Kate, take a look.
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96. Is that it? It's like something
out of "Adventures in Paradise".
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97. Are you kidding?
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98. That was taken a few years ago.
Isn't she a classic?
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99. It's way better than you'd think.
It just needs a little work.
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100. Come on, Katherine.
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101. I'll be right back.
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102. Come on.
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103. This sucks.
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104. - Katherine!
- I'm coming!
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105. Clearly the wrong shoe selection.
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106. What do you think?
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107. Just look at this.
You gotta see this.
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108. - MY fault? You got engaged.
- You went ballistic over the boat.
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109. - A ski boat!
- Don't push me.
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110. - Mom, Ben fell in the water!
- Honey, we're coming.
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111. - You pushed me!
- He pushed me first.
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112. Stop it! Don't swallow the water.
You'll get diphtheria.
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113. - Daddy's coming.
- Here, Ben!
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114. Donaldson Yacht Brokers.
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115. All right. Hold on.
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116. It's Mr. Harvey.
It's a bad connection.
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117. Yes ... Mr. Harvey.
How are you?
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118. We've just received the specs
on the boat from the estate.
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119. It hasn't been surveyed since 1967.
Have you seen it yet?
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120. Yes, I'm actually
looking at it now.
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121. Well, I'm just wondering ...
Could you hold on a second?
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122. Excuse me, I'm gonna be a while.
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123. I can signal you when I'm through.
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124. I was wondering what it'd be worth
in less than perfect condition?
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125. I see ...
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126. I'll tell you what. Get it up
here and we'll take a look-see.
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127. Not at all. Bye-bye, now.
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128. Patti? We were gonna send
Chuck Petrie to skipper the boat?
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129. - Don't. Just find somebody local.
- From San Pomme de Terre?
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130. Yeah.
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131. This here the Harvey boat?
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132. Who wants to know?
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133. Captain Ron.
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134. - Hey! Are you the captain?
- Ron Rico.
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135. - Call me Captain Ron.
- Hi, Martin Harvey.
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136. - Meet my wife and kids.
- Hi, Mrs. Harvey.
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137. Old dog!
She must keep your clock wound.
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138. - No, that's my daughter Caroline.
- My mistake.
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139. Maybe you should
put on some more clothes.
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140. - This is my wife, Katherine.
- What's happening, Kitty?
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141. - Nice to meet you.
- My son Ben.
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142. - Hey, swab.
- What happened to your eye?
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143. - Sweetie, that's rude.
- That's all right. Shark attack.
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144. - A shark ate your eye?
- When I went down off Australia.
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145. - Your boat sank?
- No, it was my boss's boat.
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146. We hit a reef. Huge son-of-a-bitch.
Ran the whole coast.
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147. - Great Barrier Reef?
- You heard of it? Smart lady.
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148. Well, let's see what kinda
trouble this tub's in.
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149. Yeah, just go ... The engine is ...
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150. - Honey.
- Yeah?
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151. - Honey, did we get a resumé on him?
- I'm sure he's fine.
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152. He's already gone to work.
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153. There is no problem. I'll just
go down and show him a few things.
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154. We should tell him that we
don't know much about boats.
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155. I wouldn't worry about it, dear.
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156. It's the genuine article, all right.
Fairchild Marine. 1200 ponies.
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157. - It drips a lot of oil, doesn't it?
- All diesels do that.
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158. All diesels do that, honey.
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159. Diesels love oil
like a sailor loves rum.
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160. - Yes! Why is that, Captain Ron?
- Nobody knows.
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161. We have to fill her up every morning.
It's a greasy job, but must be done.
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162. - Ben, that sounds like ...
- You'd better do it.
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163. - You take out the trash, swab.
- Oh, man!
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164. Hey, swab. Come here.
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165. Listen up. The way it works
shipwards is, you do your job.
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166. You do it good, maybe you'll
get promoted from swab to mate.
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167. Get out.
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168. - Sort of an incentive kind of deal.
- That's good.
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169. Yeah, incentives are important.
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170. I learned that in rehab.
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171. God, it's ridiculous.
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172. - You got dry rot. Every boat has it.
- Every boat.
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173. You are lucky,
yours is above the water line.
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174. Well, most of it, anyway.
All right, let's light the fire.
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175. - I really hate this!
- Are you OK? Will it come off?
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176. - Sure. Turpentine will do the trick.
- Let's see how fast it'll go.
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177. Not yet. We got to be sure
she's shipshape, right, Captain?
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178. Are you all right?
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179. Besides, I borrowed
my buddy's car and ...
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180. - Did he come in a car?
- I don't see one.
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181. He said his friend's car.
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182. What the hell?
We got to leave sometime!
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183. I look like a pizza! People think
good complexions grow on trees.
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184. - We don't know if it's safe.
- We'll find out on the ocean.
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185. Anything's gonna happen,
it's gonna happen out there.
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186. - We don't have any supplies.
- We'll get them at St. Haag.
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187. I think there's enough fuel.
Push it forward.
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188. Where are you going?
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189. Capitan Ron! Where is my auto?
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190. Stop!
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191. You stole my wife,
but not my car!
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192. - What is that?
- Some local dispute?
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193. Hey, Boss! Take hold.
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194. - Are those gunshots?
- Look at this.
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195. - Honey, look.
- Keep your eyes out there.
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196. - You look kind of natural there.
- Thank you.
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197. - Spend much time on the water?
- When I was a kid.
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198. It shows.
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199. Keep her due north. Don't bump
into anything. I'll get some shuteye.
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200. Captain Ron?
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201. - Should ...?
- Be careful! Are you OK?
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202. - Fine.
- You're comfortable doing this?
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203. Next stop St. Haag.
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204. About 35 miles,
I think. Due north.
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205. Isn't this great?
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206. Look at this!
Open ocean, uncharted islands.
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207. Who knows
what's waiting for us out there?
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208. Log entry, day two.
The adventure begins!
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209. What a thrill it is to leave
the turmoil of civilization behind.
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210. - Do you see that boat?
- I see it, honey.
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211. Captain Ron? Could you come up,
please? Everything's fine.
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212. There's something wrong with
Captain Ron. I think he's dead.
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213. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
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214. Ben, stop that!
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215. - Tough break. We'll have to go home.
- Is he OK?
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216. I didn't do it!
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217. Where am I?
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218. Sorry, Kitty.
I do that to keep the light out.
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219. - What about your other eye?
- Glass, swab.
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220. I won it in a crap game.
How are we doing up on deck?
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221. - This is ...
- I know, I know.
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222. - Are you OK?
- Yeah. Good job, Boss.
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223. There are boats
all over the place!
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224. They'll get out of the way.
I learned that on the "Saratoga".
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225. - "U.S.S. Saratoga"?
- Yeah, the old Sara.
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226. - Slow down!
- Get ready to kick the fenders over.
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227. - What are fenders?
- Those rubber bumper things.
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228. Hold on!
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229. Hang on to something.
We're coming in too fast.
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230. Did you see that? That was cool!
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231. Let's tie her off
and kick back some cold ones!
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232. Kommen Sie hier!
I'll go with a margarita.
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233. I gotta confess, I was a
little nervous about that.
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234. I don't know why.
He obviously knows what he's doing.
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235. Tell me where
you've been last night, Caroline..
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236. I miss the clubs in Chicago.
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237. I am engaged.
But it's kind of informal.
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238. Like, not a problem.
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239. I gotta go.
I'll see if I can make it.
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240. Bye-bye.
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241. What do you think about Captain Ron?
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242. I can find someone else if
you're not comfortable with him.
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243. No, he's fine. He seems to know
what he's doing. He was in the Navy.
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244. What about the eye thing?
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245. I wouldn't fire him because he is
physically challenged. I admire him.
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246. Look at the way he parked the boat.
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247. Unbelievable! Especially for somebody
with no depth perception.
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248. Yeah, he's good.
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249. Take your bundle and go, Caroline
Take your bundle and go, Caroline..
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250. - She said she'd meet us here.
- Will you trust her?
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251. - Hey, how was it?
- Cool. Rainforests and shells.
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252. - I told you!
- It was fun.
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253. Hi!
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254. See. That's very friendly.
That's not what you get at home.
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255. Tell me where you've been
last night, Caroline..
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256. I've done some research
and plotted our course.
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257. This is old stuff to you,
having been a helmsman.
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258. I just steered the Sara.
I didn't navigate.
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259. Get me another brewski.
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260. - You know these waters well.
- Yeah, no problem there.
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261. Besides, if we get lost, we dock
somewhere and ask directions.
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262. Martin,
I've never heard of these places.
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263. That's the point. Who wants to stay
in a place like this every night?
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264. We can visit sponge fishermen
and an old monastery,
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265. fabulous rock formations
and an old Spanish fort.
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266. If we stay on schedule,
we'll be there for carnival!
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267. - There. San Juan.
- That sounds like fun.
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268. - Where is that again?
- San Juan.
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269. - I'll just leave this with you.
- I'll give her a good study tonight.
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270. - I thought we'd go below.
- All of us?
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271. No, just you and me.
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272. - Kids. Mom and I are gonna turn in.
- 8:30?
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273. - Dawn comes early on a boat.
- You're right about that, Boss.
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274. But you can stay on deck
and play a game or something.
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275. - Hell of an idea. Poker?
- I think we'll stick to Monopoly.
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276. - It's just ...
- I got you. Come on, swab.
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277. What do you think, baby?
The first night on the boat.
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278. Waves lapping against the hull.
You, me, in our floating palace.
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279. Skipper, the walls are kind of thin.
We're not alone.
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280. I thought about that. The shower.
A little camouflage noise.
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281. - What's with you?
- Party at the Dutch consulate.
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282. - Nice map.
- Nice dress.
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283. If anyone asks, I went for a walk.
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284. Expensive night.
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285. Now that you got a little coin,
let's make the game interesting.
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286. OK.
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287. Let's say 10 cents
equals 100 dollars.
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288. - Mr. Big Stakes.
- What's that sound?
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289. Water pump.
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290. - Get your hands off!
- I wasn't gonna drink it.
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291. You bet you wasn't.
You want a beer, get your own beer.
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292. Honey, wait.
Let me adjust the shower.
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293. What's that? A mop.
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294. - Don't go nowhere.
- Where would I go?
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295. - Lucy, I'm home!
- It suddenly got crowded in here.
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296. - It's a bit cramped in here.
- I dropped the wash cloth.
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297. I gotta open the door.
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298. It went down the drain!
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299. B & O Railroad. That's $ 1.25.
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300. - Just turn off the water.
- I'm trying to turn it off!
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301. - This is a piece of junk!
- Turn it the other way.
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302. What? Did you drop it?
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303. Three houses, 375! That's 37 cents.
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304. - That's half the money I have left.
- Shit happens. Cough it up.
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305. We're gonna run out of water.
Hang on.
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306. By the way,
you owe me 2.50 for the beer.
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307. - Just calm down.
- I got it!
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308. Don't let my children find me
drowned and naked in the shower.
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309. See? We're fine.
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310. Boss?
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311. Yes, Captain Ron?
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312. Don't take long showers.
Eats up the fresh water.
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313. Thank you for pointing that out.
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314. - Boss?
- Yes, Captain Ron?
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315. You know you got a mop
wedged against the door?
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316. - Yes, I'm aware of that. Thank you.
- I wasn't.
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317. Here, Boss. I'll just take ...
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318. - Sorry, Boss.
- No, it's fine.
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319. - Everything's under control now.
- I'll help you clean up.
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320. - No, that's OK. Thanks.
- It's a lot of water.
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321. Well, it's a boat.
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322. I'll see you in the morning.
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323. - Want me to close the door?
- Yes, that would be nice.
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324. Hey!
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325. Are you trying to cheat Captain Ron?
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326. No, honest. What happened?
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327. Nothing. They were playing
hide the salami in the shower.
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328. Trip log, day five. At sea.
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329. So far our adventure has been
sanding, painting and polishing.
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330. But the boat is starting
to look a lot better.
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331. You can make it look great
by cleaning the wood.
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332. It's all wood.
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333. I do have concerns
about other aspects of the voyage.
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334. - Dad, the sander doesn't work.
- Here, I'll fix you up.
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335. Captain Ron?
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336. Hey, Boss ...
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337. Man overboard!
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338. - Throw me a line!
- Are you OK?
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339. Yeah, I'm fine.
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340. This could happen to anybody.
Here you are, Boss.
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341. Oww!
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342. Always stand clear
of the ladder, Boss.
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343. Concern is increasing
about our captain.
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344. He lost our ladder,
he doesn't navigate.
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345. In my opinion, he steers badly.
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346. Jib, staysail, mainsail.
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347. Mizzenmast, mizzenboom,
mizzen halyard winch.
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348. - Is this "Full Metal Jacket"?
- It's the basics.
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349. You gotta be prepared.
I mean big-time prepared.
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350. Well, prepared for any normal ...
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351. It's the Caribbean, guys ―
"El Caribe". The Spanish Main.
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352. It's the land of voodoo,
hoodoo and all kinda weird shit.
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353. Wow! Too cool.
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354. It is important to know the basics,
and they're not that hard, right?
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355. Right. Any dope can learn it.
This rigging. Standing or running?
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356. - Kitty?
- Red running, blue standing.
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357. You got it!
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358. Head of the class!
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359. Remember, when the sails go up,
you can't go dead into the wind.
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360. A little this way,
a little that way.
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361. She's like a woman. Responds
to touch. The power of the wind ...
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362. You feel that? Get your sea legs.
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363. - Stop whining.
- I'm not. You said the Caribbean!
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364. St. Bart's with Mick and Cher,
or Club Med. Not scrubbing deck!
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365. I'm not kidding. Being a galley
slave holds no appeal for me.
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366. Why didn't we just
take a Princess Cruise?
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367. Captain Ron ...
May I have the camera, please?
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368. Sure, Boss.
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369. I thought I'd take a look.
I didn't use any film.
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370. Is that right?
Let me tell you something.
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371. This is not a toy. It's a highly
complex piece of equipment.
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372. - I can see. All kinds of buttons.
- It came with a 64-page manual.
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373. I read it. Have you? I doubt it.
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374. Excuse me. Are we going
to any more human-type places?
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375. - You heard of St. Croix?
- Yeah!
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376. - We're going to a place next to it.
- What's it called?
Copy !req
377. - Teds!
- "Teds" ...?
Copy !req
378. It has great
historical significance.
Copy !req
379. A sponge fisherman's convention!
Or more rocks.
Copy !req
380. She's really a great girl.
Copy !req
381. Yeah, I think you broke it, Boss.
Copy !req
382. Swab, bring me another brewski!
Copy !req
383. Day ten. Sailing lessons continue
under Captain Moron's direction.
Copy !req
384. - Martin, are you OK?
- It could happen to anyone.
Copy !req
385. Swab, come here.
Copy !req
386. When you get down there, grab it,
Copy !req
387. yank on the line twice.
I'll pull you.
Copy !req
388. Never mind. You go with the boss.
I'll take care of it.
Copy !req
389. This is going to be
one of the high points of the trip!
Copy !req
390. It doesn't even have a dock!
Copy !req
391. But it has one of the best examples
of Spanish forts in the West Indies.
Copy !req
392. Cannons, walls.
They're all still here.
Copy !req
393. - Double baconburger and a dog.
- Chips, baconburger.
Copy !req
394. - Why are you so upset?
- He took us to the wrong island!
Copy !req
395. - We all make mistakes. He's human.
- Prove it.
Copy !req
396. Let's make the best of it
and explore the island.
Copy !req
397. - I just ordered chilli fries!
- How much for the hat?
Copy !req
398. Look. See, everything's fine.
Copy !req
399. The kids are happy, Ron is buying
us lunch. Let's just eat, OK?
Copy !req
400. I planned a spontaneous adventure.
Captain Contagious is screwing it up.
Copy !req
401. Throw some music on the jukebox.
Copy !req
402. Boss! Stay on the path.
There's guerrillas in these woods.
Copy !req
403. Too cool!
Copy !req
404. - There are no gorillas here.
- Yeah, there is.
Copy !req
405. Sorry, gorillas are native
to Equatorial Africa.
Copy !req
406. No gorillas. Not here. No way.
Copy !req
407. Honey, stay on the path, OK?
Copy !req
408. - I think he has a problem with you.
- The boss? No, we're like this.
Copy !req
409. Some people get jealous at me.
There's the Navy thing.
Copy !req
410. Mambo!
Copy !req
411. - How about it, babe?
- I can't dance to this. Nobody can.
Copy !req
412. Check this out.
Copy !req
413. - Come on. You know how to do this.
- Not in these shoes.
Copy !req
414. Kick them off!
Copy !req
415. "Stay in the path, Boss!
There's gorillas in the woods."
Copy !req
416. - Martin and I used to go dancing.
- It shows.
Copy !req
417. If there's one single gorilla
around here, I'll eat it.
Copy !req
418. Gorillas. Right.
Copy !req
419. He could have said "revolutionaries",
"freedom fighters". No.
Copy !req
420. "Gorillas". He did it on purpose.
You can see it in his eyes ... eye.
Copy !req
421. - Martin, he'll hear you!
- Let him hear me.
Copy !req
422. - He did convince them to let you go.
- Sorry. A true humanitarian.
Copy !req
423. There's Terry Waite, Desmond Tutu
and Captain Ron. The big three.
Copy !req
424. Boss? I just wanted ...
More dry rot? Don't worry about it.
Copy !req
425. I fixed the winch handle.
Try to be more careful, all right?
Copy !req
426. - What are you holding?
- Winch drum.
Copy !req
427. That's my girl!
Copy !req
428. - Honey, don't start anything.
- I'm just getting a screwdriver.
Copy !req
429. - What difference does it make?
- I'm sick of being the thimble.
Copy !req
430. Well, I'm the top hat.
Be the battleship.
Copy !req
431. I'm the battleship.
Copy !req
432. - What's this?
- Monopoly.
Copy !req
433. - Two.45s and a MAC-10.
- Just some macho trip.
Copy !req
434. - Where did they come from?
- Ron traded with the guerrillas.
Copy !req
435. - We're getting into pirate waters.
- Pirates?
Copy !req
436. - Pirates of the Caribbean.
- Been to Disney World too many times?
Copy !req
437. - It's true. They have speedboats.
- I've never been to Disney World.
Copy !req
438. - Dollywood...
- You made me lose count!
Copy !req
439. - No guns on this boat.
- We need to fight off pirates.
Copy !req
440. - They can steal the boat.
- There are no pirates here.
Copy !req
441. - You said that about the guerrillas.
- I was right!
Copy !req
442. He said "gorilla". Not "guerrilla".
"Guer", "go".
Copy !req
443. Huge difference!
Copy !req
444. - What was that?
- Automatic weapons. How about that?
Copy !req
445. Captain Ron thought
we would have to hold off pirates!
Copy !req
446. He actually traded ... Hold on.
Copy !req
447. - Captain Ron!
- Yeah, Boss?
Copy !req
448. - What did you trade?
- There's the beauty. Nothing. Nada.
Copy !req
449. They needed a lift to San Juan
and since we're ...
Copy !req
450. This is my boat. You understand?
Copy !req
451. We don't give lifts
to armed revolutionaries.
Copy !req
452. Whatever you say. I'll return the
guns and the whole thing's off.
Copy !req
453. Is there a problem?
Copy !req
454. All right, fellas, give me a break.
Sit down.
Copy !req
455. Stand by to set the mainsail!
Copy !req
456. Set the mainsail!
Copy !req
457. Babe, don't just watch!
Jump up and guide those lines.
Copy !req
458. - Careful.
- Honey, be careful.
Copy !req
459. - Got it, Mom.
- Control your excitement, Caroline.
Copy !req
460. Wait! Come here.
Keep us on a heading of 270.
Copy !req
461. Guys, you've been through this!
Copy !req
462. Babe, get on the winch,
Boss, come up here with me.
Copy !req
463. Let her up, let her up!
Copy !req
464. Come on up here, Boss!
Copy !req
465. Bring it down!
Copy !req
466. OK, take it up. Today, guys!
Copy !req
467. Wait, wait, wait!
Copy !req
468. Come around on the other side.
Watch what I'm doing. Take it up.
Copy !req
469. Go below and cut the engine,
then kill the fuel lines. Ready?
Copy !req
470. Guys, vamanos al frente! Kitty!
Come jump on this mizzenmast.
Copy !req
471. - See what I'm talking about?
- All right, Mom!
Copy !req
472. Day 17 finds me in the clutches
of revolutionaries,
Copy !req
473. and my family in the clutches
of Captain Ron.
Copy !req
474. Next stop, carnival in San Juan.
Or so we thought ...
Copy !req
475. Trust me, you have not been kidnapped.
Captain Ron is a jerk.
Copy !req
476. He gets lost.
This is his second time in two days.
Copy !req
477. They don't know English, I don't
know Spanish. No communication.
Copy !req
478. Well, everything is cool. When you
get lost, all you got to do is ask.
Copy !req
479. What?
Copy !req
480. San Juan is behind us. About 20 miles.
But General Armando hardly blames you.
Copy !req
481. I explained it to him. It's the tides.
They work for you or against you. Hey!
Copy !req
482. I don't think she's waving at you.
Copy !req
483. - She's not?
- I sincerely doubt it.
Copy !req
484. Hey, Clarice!
Babe! Who are you waving at?
Copy !req
485. Yeah, I thought so. When I saw
Clarice, I knew where we was.
Copy !req
486. Confidentially, I've had
these problems with the tides before.
Copy !req
487. I'm coming!
Copy !req
488. You know,
every time I'm up this way she,
Copy !req
489. well, she wants my
manhood, you know.
Copy !req
490. Have a good time, Boss,
'cause I'm gonna.
Copy !req
491. Hang on, I'm coming.
Copy !req
492. No, just rise above it, Marty.
You'd probably miss and hit the girl.
Copy !req
493. - Dad.
- Don't sneak up on me like that!
Copy !req
494. Dad, it went through the deck!
Copy !req
495. Dad, the boat's on fire!
Copy !req
496. MOM! MOM!
Copy !req
497. Martin, what happened, honey?
Copy !req
498. - Are you all right?
- Why do you think I'm not all right?
Copy !req
499. You still there?
Copy !req
500. I have to say this was worth getting
lost for. It's absolutely gorgeous.
Copy !req
501. I just wish that you could see it.
Copy !req
502. I can see it.
I just have these, you know, spots.
Copy !req
503. Sweetie! Ouch.
Copy !req
504. I'm fine. What about Captain Ron?
Can we talk about him?
Copy !req
505. We can't get rid of him.
Who's gonna drive?
Copy !req
506. I can drive the boat.
Copy !req
507. The doctor says that by tomorrow
my retinas will be fine.
Copy !req
508. Let's wait till we're in San Juan.
We'll figure out what to do.
Copy !req
509. - Tree.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
510. I have to admit,
I was against all this.
Copy !req
511. But getting the sails up today
was quite a rush for all of us.
Copy !req
512. And today I discovered
something in the cabin.
Copy !req
513. I could show it to you if you want.
Copy !req
514. American girls are very,
what's the word? Superficial?
Copy !req
515. I hate that! Like, I'm into different
cultures and ways of doing things.
Copy !req
516. Like, we saw "Mr. Ed" on TV
the other day? He spoke French!
Copy !req
517. It was like, he speaks French!
That is so cool.
Copy !req
518. All right, General. You're up.
Copy !req
519. Boardwalk with three hotels.
That's $6,000.
Copy !req
520. A penny to the dollar,
that's $60, U.S.
Copy !req
521. - That's all the general's money.
- Shit happens. Cough it up.
Copy !req
522. It's not like I hate the guy.
I don't hate anybody.
Copy !req
523. I can't wait for you to see this.
It's so amazing.
Copy !req
524. - Come here.
- Mom, can we get some drinks?
Copy !req
525. - Yes, honey, they're in the ...
- The blue cooler.
Copy !req
526. - Could you get them?
- You're a big boy. You get them.
Copy !req
527. I found this while I was ...
Copy !req
528. stripping these cabinets
down here. Look here.
Copy !req
529. - Isn't that amazing?
- Oh, that's great.
Copy !req
530. Oh, your poor eyes. Come here.
Copy !req
531. Here. Feel. CG.
Copy !req
532. Plus. CL. Can you believe it?
Copy !req
533. Didn't the boat belong to Clark Gable?
Clark Gable plus Carole Lombard!
Copy !req
534. That is great!
Copy !req
535. Think about it.
Gable and Lombard in this bed.
Copy !req
536. With those cute little cherub guys
up there. Isn't it just so amazing?
Copy !req
537. And the ocean outside. It's the most
romantic thing I've ever imagined.
Copy !req
538. - In San Juan, no more Captain Ron?
- Whatever you say, honey.
Copy !req
539. Hey, who's rocking
the boat down there?
Copy !req
540. It's the dawn of a new day.
Copy !req
541. Charged by the best sex
we've had in three years,
Copy !req
542. if you don't count
that one time in the car,
Copy !req
543. and the knowledge that Captain Ron
is about to leave our lives,
Copy !req
544. I feel great!
Copy !req
545. Honey, let's not forget we have
guests, if you know what I mean.
Copy !req
546. Hi, how's it going?
Good seeing you.
Copy !req
547. Hola. Buenas dias.
And como esta?
Copy !req
548. How are you doing, guys?
Good to see you. Over there.
Copy !req
549. Good morning, Boss.
Copy !req
550. I spent the night ashore.
I figured the boat might be crowded.
Copy !req
551. That's mighty nice of you.
Copy !req
552. How long will it take us
to get to San Juan?
Copy !req
553. Four or five hours, tops.
Copy !req
554. - And you know the way?
- Any fool could find it.
Copy !req
555. Well, let's hope so.
Copy !req
556. Don't worry, Boss.
Copy !req
557. It's just a little squall. They come
on you fast and leave you fast.
Copy !req
558. We have enough life preservers
for everyone. Don't panic.
Copy !req
559. All right, this tie model.
They highly recommend a bow.
Copy !req
560. Honey, you'll
never get that undone.
Copy !req
561. Listen, everybody!
You shouldn't worry about this.
Copy !req
562. It's just a little squall.
They come and go fast.
Copy !req
563. Váyase! Escuchame bien.
Copy !req
564. Quierro sabe si
este barco se va ...
Copy !req
565. - Blub-blub-blub.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
566. No blub-blub-blub!
Copy !req
567. We're not going to sink!
Copy !req
568. You don't wanna be down here
if she breaks up.
Copy !req
569. Mom! My glasses broke
and the lens fell out!
Copy !req
570. Honey, don't worry about your glasses.
Just stay there and hold on.
Copy !req
571. Honey, hold on!
Copy !req
572. Don't panic! We know where we are.
We have a compass and a chart.
Copy !req
573. Right about that, Boss.
I got it right here.
Copy !req
574. It's OK!
We still have our compass.
Copy !req
575. The only instrument Columbus had
to get him to the New World
Copy !req
576. was his trusty compass.
Copy !req
577. Don't lose that!
Copy !req
578. Hang on a second.
Go ahead, grab onto that line!
Copy !req
579. Everybody listen to me!
Copy !req
580. The boss is right!
We should be OK.
Copy !req
581. - I know we're near land.
- Great! You hear? We're almost there!
Copy !req
582. Explain to the kids how you know that.
Translate for the general.
Copy !req
583. All right. Stay with me.
Copy !req
584. When we left, we had just enough
fuel to make it to San Juan.
Copy !req
585. And we are out of fuel!
Copy !req
586. He's gone crazy!
I've seen this before!
Copy !req
587. Grab his tongue.
Shove a stick in his mouth!
Copy !req
588. I see something!
Copy !req
589. Light!
Copy !req
590. Honey, look!
Copy !req
591. Day 20. Survived storm at sea.
Copy !req
592. Captain Ron is more cunning
than I originally suspected.
Copy !req
593. Honey, we can't fire him now.
He got us through the storm.
Copy !req
594. He almost got us killed
in that storm!
Copy !req
595. I'm sorry. You don't totally
understand it. He's eating my brain!
Copy !req
596. - He's taking over our lives.
- Honey, you're exaggerating.
Copy !req
597. - He was dancing with all the girls.
- This is great!
Copy !req
598. You don't have to
wear those glasses.
Copy !req
599. - Let's not wear them.
- No, Mom, I'm fine.
Copy !req
600. Kitty's right. Sometimes I go
without the patch. It puts people off.
Copy !req
601. I don't like
to draw attention to myself.
Copy !req
602. I got news for you, Ron.
If I had a hand mirror ...
Copy !req
603. Caroline, honey ...
Copy !req
604. - That was so cool!
- Let's take a walk, shall we?
Copy !req
605. You kids keep up. Let's go.
Copy !req
606. Yes, I admit that Captain Ron is
a little rough around the edges.
Copy !req
607. - No, he is a psycho.
- Well, what does that mean?
Copy !req
608. Help me out. I lost my eye.
You see it? There it goes.
Copy !req
609. I love this. I love it! This
is an experience of a lifetime!
Copy !req
610. Hang on! There it is!
Copy !req
611. Would you please back off!
I lost my eye, man!
Copy !req
612. Caroline hasn't mentioned
being engaged. And Ben ...
Copy !req
613. Let me tell you about Ben. I wanted
this to be a bonding experience.
Copy !req
614. Father and son. Now he's bonding
with Captain Cyclops!
Copy !req
615. He's such a character.
Copy !req
616. Honey, where are the kids?
Copy !req
617. They're there. Ben!
Copy !req
618. They were right there. Caroline!
Copy !req
619. Benjamin!
Copy !req
620. Caroline!
Copy !req
621. Benjamin!
Copy !req
622. Ben!
Copy !req
623. - Did you find them?
- What? No.
Copy !req
624. Forget it. Never did fit, anyway.
You gotta get them custom made.
Copy !req
625. Hey! Where's Mom and Dad?
Copy !req
626. It wasn't smart to mention we brought
revolutionaries to the island.
Copy !req
627. I'm not starting a fight.
It's just my opinion.
Copy !req
628. I was trying to show
the kind of person Captain Ron is.
Copy !req
629. I'm Bill Zachary from the U.S.
State Department. Good news.
Copy !req
630. - You found our children?
- No.
Copy !req
631. But you are not being charged
with subversion.
Copy !req
632. You are being expelled
from the island.
Copy !req
633. - What? When?
- Now.
Copy !req
634. What is going on?
Copy !req
635. - Caroline!
- You guys are back early.
Copy !req
636. - What are you doing?
- The merengue.
Copy !req
637. - Where is your brother?
- He's around. You guys!
Copy !req
638. Captain Ron didn't want us wandering
around. So we found this band
Copy !req
639. and these people,
and we just had a party!
Copy !req
640. We were worried sick
the whole time we were in jail.
Copy !req
641. - In jail?
- Don't worry. Who's this guy?
Copy !req
642. Mamba! He doesn't speak English,
but he's cute. Guess what?
Copy !req
643. - You're engaged.
- No, I didn't get engaged.
Copy !req
644. I got tattooed. Mamba did it.
It's a cool little rose.
Copy !req
645. - Where did you get this tattoo?
- At Mamba's shop.
Copy !req
646. - Where on your body?
- Mom, it's kind of private.
Copy !req
647. A guy with a spider on his head
tattooed you somewhere private?
Copy !req
648. - It could be a lot worse.
- How?
Copy !req
649. Hey! What happened to the music?
Copy !req
650. Uh-oh. Coming through!
Copy !req
651. - Come back here! Ben!
- Excuse me, folks.
Copy !req
652. Ben!
Copy !req
653. Ben!
Copy !req
654. Are you hurt? I told you not
to leave bottles lying around.
Copy !req
655. You cretin!
Copy !req
656. Angeline's no Cretan.
She's Puerto Rican.
Copy !req
657. - I'm not talking to her.
- We're playing strip Monopoly.
Copy !req
658. - We ran out of money. She's ...
- Where's Ben?
Copy !req
659. - He went that way.
- You tattooed my kids!
Copy !req
660. - Who is he?
- Dad, it's fake. It washes off.
Copy !req
661. - Thank God!
- And Caroline's?
Copy !req
662. - No, that's real. Primo work.
- You're fired.
Copy !req
663. Boss, wait a minute!
Copy !req
664. Let's at least have a dialogue here.
Copy !req
665. Giving the children beer and
bringing that woman around ...
Copy !req
666. - Angeline's OK. Roscoe is the jerk.
- Yeah, we saw Roscoe.
Copy !req
667. You'll see him again
if I don't get paid $500.
Copy !req
668. She had Park Place
with three hotels.
Copy !req
669. Curve it a second, boss ― former
boss. The woman had a system.
Copy !req
670. I just figured it out
before you got back.
Copy !req
671. Let us back in that game,
and I can whittle that down.
Copy !req
672. Whittle yourself out of my life!
Copy !req
673. And you! Tell Roscoe
you're not getting jack!
Copy !req
674. - I wouldn't do that.
- I would. Beat it.
Copy !req
675. - Get back on the boat!
- You're embarrassing me.
Copy !req
676. I'll do more than that
if you don't get going. Move!
Copy !req
677. Oh, man!
Copy !req
678. Well, you know. It'll take
some time to get over this.
Copy !req
679. We'll get by somehow. We always do.
I didn't think we'd survive this.
Copy !req
680. Don't worry. We'll be in Florida soon.
We'll sell this thing and go home.
Copy !req
681. We'll just forget the whole thing.
It seemed like a good idea.
Copy !req
682. Martin ...
Martin, you know that Roscoe man?
Copy !req
683. The Pirates of the Caribbean!
Copy !req
684. - What?
- Oh, no.
Copy !req
685. So, think we'll ever
see our boat again?
Copy !req
686. Hey, guys. Wake up!
Copy !req
687. - Sharks!
- We're gonna die!
Copy !req
688. - No, land! Paddle!
- We're gonna live!
Copy !req
689. It's land! It's land!
Copy !req
690. Sorry.
Copy !req
691. - Where is this?
- I don't care. It's dry land.
Copy !req
692. First things first. Stay here.
I am going to find out where we are.
Copy !req
693. In five hours the stores open.
We can get some clothes.
Copy !req
694. Until then, I want you to dry off
as best as you can.
Copy !req
695. Back to the raft!
Copy !req
696. Do it! Get in the raft!
Honey, get in.
Copy !req
697. Martin, what is it?
Copy !req
698. Prohibit to pass.
Copy !req
699. Let's just go to the most
important part of the sign, shall we?
Copy !req
700. "Cuba". We're in Cuba?
Copy !req
701. - Wouldn't you just know it?
- What's so bad about Cuba?
Copy !req
702. I agree with Caroline. It's land.
Copy !req
703. Her world view is based
on "I Love Lucy" reruns.
Copy !req
704. The world's changed a lot
since Ricky Ricardo.
Copy !req
705. Honey, they did
the "Today" Show in Cuba.
Copy !req
706. Well, let's just
get some cigars and relax.
Copy !req
707. Dad!
Copy !req
708. Martin!
Copy !req
709. Have we ended up
in the same spot as our boat?
Copy !req
710. - Isn't that a little odd?
- Strictly speaking, no.
Copy !req
711. Hey! Stay out of my ...!
Copy !req
712. - Good one, Caroline!
- Keep quiet. Be quiet.
Copy !req
713. - What are we gonna do?
- What can we do?
Copy !req
714. The sun's coming up, we have no money,
no passports and no explanations.
Copy !req
715. - We've got our boat.
- No, the pirates have our boat.
Copy !req
716. It's still our boat. We cleaned
the stupid thing, and we sailed it.
Copy !req
717. - What do you expect us to do?
- Get it back.
Copy !req
718. Bloodthirsty, heavily-armed pirates
against the Harvey family?
Copy !req
719. Guys, it would take a miracle.
Copy !req
720. Yeah!
Copy !req
721. - It's Captain Ron!
- Get in!
Copy !req
722. - What the hell are you doing?
- Rescuing you.
Copy !req
723. - We don't need you.
- Honey, I think we do.
Copy !req
724. - Get in, hurry!
- Just like you said, Captain Ron.
Copy !req
725. The pirates are easy. Worry about
the cops. Grand theft auto is big.
Copy !req
726. - You stole this car?
- Borrowed it, Boss.
Copy !req
727. - How'd you find us?
- Just got lucky.
Copy !req
728. What happened?
Copy !req
729. All right, you fire up the boat.
I'll ditch the pirates.
Copy !req
730. We'll be right back!
Copy !req
731. Watch this.
Copy !req
732. - You jerks!
- That was cool. You faked them out.
Copy !req
733. - I'm glad you're back, Captain Ron.
- I'm there for you.
Copy !req
734. - Dad tries, but he screws it up.
- Dad does the best he can.
Copy !req
735. It's not his fault that ...
Copy !req
736. Start!
Copy !req
737. I hate everything about you,
you stupid, ugly ...
Copy !req
738. Everybody grab their shit!
Copy !req
739. - He hasn't started it yet.
- Hang on!
Copy !req
740. Wait here. I'll see if
I can give him a hand.
Copy !req
741. - We'll be OK.
- Kids!
Copy !req
742. Shit!
Copy !req
743. Ben, get down and stay down.
Copy !req
744. - Mom, slack off.
- Look!
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745. Sorry, Boss.
I think I broke my leg.
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746. - Dad! Dad!
- Martin, help!
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747. Dad! Help!
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748. Dad!
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749. Over there!
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750. Wow!
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751. - Mom, did you see that?
- Don't just sit there. Pull me in.
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752. Kids, grab the mainsheet!
Bring him in!
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753. - Come on. Hold on, Dad!
- We got you, Dad.
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754. - That was the coolest!
- You say that now!
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755. - Just tie this off, OK?
- Ben, grab the line.
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756. - Are you all right?
- Are you all right?
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757. I'm fine. Captain Ron broke his leg.
I'm serious. Go see.
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758. - Yea, Dad!
- Yea, Ben!
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759. - Kitty, that's all right ...
- Stupid pirates!
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760. - We got to have it on video.
- Sure, good idea.
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761. - That was so cool!
- We showed them!
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762. - Do you know about broken bones?
- I took a first aid course.
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763. It shows.
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764. Now we'll get a splint. Shoot!
I was supposed to do that first.
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765. All right, kids.
Nothing can stop us now.
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766. Tell the boss there's a small island,
Los Palonimos. It's on the chart.
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767. When we get there,
we're out of Cuban waters.
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768. You smell something?
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769. Dad, what's that?
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770. Oh, my God!
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771. OK. Hold on.
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772. Not much point, Boss.
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773. - Bearings is burned out.
- What does that mean?
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774. I forgot to fill it with oil.
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775. - What do we do?
- Captain Ron ...
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776. Not this time, swab. Bone's
about to punch through the skin.
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777. Them pirate guys don't like to lose.
It's an honour kind of a deal.
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778. Mr. Harvey. I crossed
these guys once before.
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779. They can get to be a little messy,
if you know what I mean.
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780. OK. On deck. We'll get the sails up.
You want to save this boat?
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781. All right! Now you're talking.
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782. You can do it!
I never seen such sailors!
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783. Naturals!
Every one of ya's naturals!
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784. We're gonna fucking die.
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785. Man!
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786. Caroline, get the gaskets!
Katherine, on the mizzenmast!
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787. Ben, the mainsheets!
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788. Good going, Katy! Go!
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789. We're too far into the wind!
We gotta bring her around!
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790. Caroline, come here.
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791. Pull back.
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792. Mayday!
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793. - Pull!
- I'm trying.
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794. - You're tough. You've got a tattoo.
- A little one!
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795. Be a little tough, then.
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796. Guantánamo, wake up!
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797. Attaboy, Boss. You got the wind.
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798. - Go, go, go. Hang on.
- I got it.
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799. - OK, I got it!
- Got it?
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800. It's awesome, Dad!
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801. Dad!
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802. - Maybe it's nobody.
- Yeah, maybe.
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803. We're doing our job, you do yours!
These people are taxpayers!
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804. Oh, geez! Gunplay!
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805. Are you born stupid? Stay down!
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806. - They're not gonna shoot at us!
- What are you doing?
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807. I'll blow a hole
in their boat with this!
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808. This is a serious call for help!
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809. That's different. We had dry rot!
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810. - There are children on this boat!
- We've had enough!
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811. - Mom is pissed.
- Adiós!
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812. How much did you pay for this?
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813. Mom! Over there!
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814. - Who's that?
- It's the U.S. Coast Guard!
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815. We're the Harvey
family from Chicago!
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816. - I'll get them on the radio.
- We're Americans!
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817. All right!
Coast Guard kicking ass!
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818. The leg is a lot better. I heal fast.
I believe in Jesus, so that helps.
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819. U.S. Coast Guard calling
60-foot ketch off Los Palominos.
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820. This is "The Wanderer".
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821. This is Commander Morgan.
May we speak with the captain?
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822. May we speak
with the captain, please?
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823. That's you, Boss.
You're the captain now.
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824. Day 30. New log.
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825. Old log fell into the hands
of the Pirates of the Caribbean.
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826. We said goodbye
to Captain Ron today.
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827. He hadn't been back for 7 years.
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828. Something about
the statute of limitations.
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829. I didn't ask questions.
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830. He kept his promise to Ben,
promoting him to mate.
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831. Bye, Captain Ron.
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832. He traded hair grooming
tips with Caroline.
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833. We're gonna miss you.
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834. And he kissed Katherine.
I think he French kissed her.
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835. You're a lucky man, Boss.
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836. Then, as suddenly
as he'd come into our lives ...
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837. Captain Ron!
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838. .. he was gone.
And our adventure was over.
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839. Once the Harvey boat comes in,
pull it out of the water.
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840. - You want it surveyed?
- No, it's a piece of junk.
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841. Set it down back, and we'll cut it up
for scrap and salvage what we can.
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842. Tomorrow at this time
we're gonna be home.
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843. We can do one of two things.
Sell the boat and go back to Chicago
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844. or don't!
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845. - OK. Coming about!
- Good going!
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846. Hey! Hey!
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847. Where are you going?
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848. Over here!
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849. - Where are we going, skipper?
- I don't know.
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850. "But if we get lost, we'll just pull
in somewheres and ask directions."
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851. Oh, boy! Look at that, Barbara.
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852. Do you think we'll
be able to do that?
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853. Sure you will, Boss.
I guarantee it.
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854. Let's light the fires
and kick the tires. Push that back.
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855. Hang on a second.
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856. You forgot to cast off.
It could happen to anybody.
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857. We want to check the boat out.
We bought it yesterday.
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858. Get her out on the ocean. If it's
gonna happen, it's out there!
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859. There's a lot of boats!
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860. They'll get out of our way.
I learned that on the "Saratoga".
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