Cannibal! The Musical (1996)

1. Packer!

2. Holy cow!

3. Jeepers!

4. Packer!

5. Zowie!

6. Damn you, Packer!

7. And then he cuts up the bodies.

8. Oh, gross!

9. And when he finally arrives, tired and beaten,

10. he says, oh, I don't know what happened to my companions.

11. They left me behind.

12. And everybody believes him.

13. They feel sorry for him.

14. And they just let him go on to.

15. Now, what would he have you believe?

16. That under these horrible conditions it was justified?

17. No, gentlemen of the jury, it is never justified to murder.

18. Murder is wrong.

19. So I ask you to come back with a verdict to hang this bastard

20. for what he has done.

21. The prosecution rests.

22. But that's not the way it happened.

23. Miss Pry, hello.

24. Oh, hello, Mr. Mills.

25. You busy?

26. I was going to try and get an interview with Mr. Packer.

27. Now how could you possibly want to spend your afternoon

28. with a beast like that when you could spend it with a gentleman

29. like myself, huh?

30. Believe me, I don't relish the thought

31. of having to speak with him, or even

32. be in the same room with him.

33. But it's what I must do.

34. I am a reporter.

35. Yes, and a most beautiful one at that.

36. Can we meet for dinner, then?

37. Uh, when I'm done here, I'll be at the hotel.

38. At the hotel.

39. If I can get him talking soon enough.

40. I'll give you a hint— if you want to get him talking,

41. ask him about Liane.

42. Liane?

43. Trust me.

44. Asshole.

45. Hello!

46. Sheriff's gone.

47. Good enough.

48. I'm here to see you anyway.

49. My name is Polly Pry.

50. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions

51. about your story.

52. My lawyer says I can't talk to reporters.

53. Yes, of course he did.

54. That's very smart of him.

55. But I'm not a reporter.

56. You see, I'm just a— well.

57. The truth is, I saw you in the courtroom

58. and I thought to myself, how could

59. this handsome, intelligent man have

60. ever done what they say he did?

61. I didn't!

62. And I thought about how lonely it

63. must be in this dark, nasty cell, all cooped up.

64. You really think so?

65. This is the nicest place I've lived in a long time.

66. With no one to talk at all.

67. And then I realized how badly you must

68. need someone to just listen.

69. I do?

70. And then I thought, maybe I should come down

71. here and give you some company.

72. And maybe— maybe tell you some secrets.

73. And you can tell me secrets.

74. OK

75. So what exactly happened during

76. your trip to Breckenridge?

77. I can't talk about that.

78. OK.

79. Let's talk about something else.

80. OK.

81. Oh, I know— Why don't you tell me about, uh— Liane.

82. You know her?

83. Yes— yes.

84. I know her well.

85. I wanted to find out a little bit more about you two.

86. Was she— was she— was she with you on your trip?

87. I don't know— my lawyer's supposed

88. to come back any minute, and he gets very angry—

89. Well, certainly your lawyer

90. wouldn't mind you talking just a little bit about Liane.

91. Especially to someone who's just a simple townsfolk.

92. No, I guess he wouldn't.

93. So what was she like?

94. She was beautiful.

95. She had long, dark, shiny hair, and almond eyes,

96. and— and little pointy ears, and a big, fluffy tail.

97. And she was fast, like this—

98. Go, girl!

99. The sky is blue, and all the leaves are green.

100. The sun's as warm as a baked potato.

101. I think I know precisely what I mean when

102. I say it's a shpadoinkle day.

103. And as I ride with my girl, she's my best

104. friend in the whole world.

105. We move along, set our goals high,

106. with eyes full of hope as we aim for the— sky is blue,

107. and all the leaves are green.

108. My heart's as full as a baked potato.

109. I think I know precisely what I mean when

110. I say it's a shpadoinkle day.

111. When I say it's a happy-go-moinkley,

112. lucky shpadoinkle-y day.

113. Morning, Alf!

114. Morning, Swan!

115. Find any gold yet?

116. Not in this gosh-darned canyon.

117. That's what a group of us are going to Breckenridge today!

118. Breckenridge?

119. In Colorado territory?

120. That's the place.

121. Say— you ought to come with us!

122. The more the merrier.

123. Aw, shucks.

124. I'd love to go back to Colorado territory.

125. I didn't know you were from Colorado Territory!

126. Yeah, I worked in Georgetown for a while before I came here.

127. Say, uh, who's guiding you there?

128. Lucky Larry.

129. He's from Denver.

130. Do you think I could just talk to Lucky Larry?

131. Sure.

132. I'm going to meet a group of them now.

133. Swell!

134. That's what I'm saying.

135. Breckenridge is a heaven on this earth.

136. as long as we trust the Lord.

137. Let's not forget the story from the "Book of Mormon,"

138. where Brigham Young planted many corn crops.

139. And the locusts came and they began to eat his crops.

140. And then the Lord sent down a flock of seagulls, who began—

141. My goodness!

142. What is that?

143. Oh, that's Lucky Larry.

144. He was struck by lightning last night.

145. Gosh, is he going to be OK?

146. What?

147. Now, we can't let ourselves get discouraged.

148. They say there's enough gold in Breckenridge

149. to build walls out of.

150. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

151. And I think this is a test of our will.

152. My fellow Mormons know what I'm talking about.

153. Trials and tribulations— that's what life's all about.

154. Now, are we going to let this one little thing keep

155. us from fulfilling our dreams?

156. Yes!

157. Oh, come on now.

158. We've got to be strong, don't we?

159. No!

160. But I'm telling you, we can still make it!

161. Our guide is dead.

162. Well, there's got to be someone from around here

163. who knows that territory a bit.

164. Anybody?

165. Hey, didn't you say you were from Colorado territory?

166. Well, I just worked there for a little while—

167. Hey, this guy's from Colorado territory!

168. Wonderful!

169. What's your name, sir?

170. I'm Alfred Packer this is my horse, Liane.

171. Hi.

172. There, you see?

173. Don't be stupid— let's just go back to mining here.

174. Yeah!

175. But there's no gold here.

176. When was the last time anyone made a strike?

177. I'll go!

178. Now come on, son.

179. We'll head out in the spring.

180. But Dad, if we wait til the spring,

181. all the gold will be gone!

182. I need to go out now!

183. No— it's too dangerous.

184. What if you get lost or run out of food?

185. Dad, I can't be your little boy forever.

186. Don't you understand?

187. No, I don't understand.

188. Oh, go ahead— break your mother's heart.

189. I'm in.

190. There, you see?

191. Don't you all feel a little bit ashamed?

192. This nice, young, brave—

193. Stupid.

194. Son, why don't you go?

195. You've always said you wanted to get out of Utah.

196. No I didn't.

197. Yes you did.

198. I distinctly remember you saying you wanted to get out of Utah

199. and go east.

200. No I didn't!

201. Son, don't argue with me.

202. If you go to Breckenridge now, you can stick a claim.

203. Me and your brother can come out in the spring.

204. Son, don't argue with me.

205. He's in.

206. Wonderful!

207. That makes five.

208. Good luck.

209. You'll need it.

210. That's all.

211. Yeah

212. Say, when do we leave?

213. The sooner the better, I'd say.

214. Well, let's ask our new guide.

215. Mr. Packer?

216. I guess I'm ready whenever you guys are.

217. Well, then, let's get packing!

218. What?

219. It's a long, long way for us to go.

220. But if we don't try, we'll never know.

221. Stay optimistic— set our goals high.

222. There's nothing we can't do if we aim for the—

223. Sky is blue, and all the leaves are green.

224. The air's as pure as a baked potato.

225. We think we know exactly what we mean when

226. we say it's a shpadoinkle day.

227. When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!

228. How long's it going to take?

229. Oh— not— not more than like, three weeks at the most.

230. All right.

231. Let's go.

232. And so Liane and I headed east

233. with the other miners, thinking it would be a nice, happy trip.

234. But then four weeks later, we were just outside of Provo.

235. Three weeks my ass, Packer!

236. That's when I got my first bad feeling.

237. Geez, sure is a lot of walking.

238. I swear, my legs are killing me.

239. How much further to Provo?

240. We've got to be really close now.

241. And then from Provo, how far is it to Breckenridge?

242. See, I always have Liane with me when I come out,

243. so I don't know how long it's going to take us on foot.

244. Gosh, I sure wish I had a horse.

245. How much did you pay for yours, Packer?

246. I didn't.

247. She's been mine since I was little.

248. Well, she certainly is a shpadoinkle horse.

249. Oh, hello.

250. Could you tell us how much further it is to Provo?

251. We have to get some supplies for our big trip

252. into the Rocky Mountains.

253. You'll never come back again.

254. It's got a curse on it.

255. Provo?

256. The Rocky Mountains.

257. I got to warn you— you're doomed, doomed, doomed!

258. You're doomed.

259. Doomed.

260. Turn back while you still can.

261. You're doomed.

262. You're all doomed.

263. Thank you.

264. The sky is blue,

265. and all the leaves are green!

266. Howdy!

267. The air's as pure—

268. Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty— kitty.

269. - Howdy. - Howdy.

270. - Howdy. - Howdy.

271. Howdy do.

272. - Howdy. - Howdy do.

273. - Howdy. - Howdy.

274. Howdy do.

275. Howdy.

276. Hey, they've got maps of Colorado territory.

277. Jesus, now he needs a fucking map.

278. Miller, if you don't want to go, don't go.

279. But if you can't get along with the others,

280. I'm going to have to put you in time out.

281. In what?

282. Anyone who can't get along with the others

283. has to sit 20 feet away by themselves for an hour.

284. That's a good idea.

285. Gives you a chance to cool down when things get steamed up.

286. Exactly.

287. You've got to be kidding me.

288. You guys, they have fudge here!

289. What about blankets?

290. Shouldn't we get more?

291. That's a good idea.

292. Let's just do this as quickly as possible.

293. I think we're already running a little behind schedule.

294. What schedule?

295. Do we have a schedule, Mr. Packer?

296. Mr. Packer?

297. This your horse?

298. Yup.

299. Pretty.

300. I'm Alfred Packer.

301. Frenchy Cabazon.

302. Oh, you're— you're French.

303. No.

304. We're just, ah, stopping through your quaint little town

305. here on the way to Colorado territory.

306. Oh, I'm not from here.

307. In fact, I'm— I'm leading a party

308. to Colorado territory myself.

309. Whereabouts?

310. Breckenridge.

311. Is that near Sawatch?

312. Sawatch is— yeah, yeah, it's near Sawatch.

313. Say, you gents want to trade some furs for the trip?

314. Now, we got rabbits and beavers.

315. Oh, how horrible.

316. Where'd you guys get all those little dead animals?

317. We're trappers, stupid.

318. Poor little bunny rabbits?

319. Figured you were all trappers, too.

320. She's an Arabian, ain't she?

321. Yeah.

322. Arabian's a trapper horse.

323. You ain't trappers.

324. No, we're miners.

325. You're diggers!

326. Trapper horse ain't supposed to be with no digger.

327. Nice hat.

328. Oh boy.

329. Bunch of diggers, tracing the Rockies

330. in the middle of winter.

331. That's rich.

332. I'll say.

333. Don't you boys know how scary the mountains are?

334. Whatcha going to do if you run into some Indians?

335. Or the cyclops?

336. There's no cyclops in the Rocky Mountains— is there you guys?

337. We're not afraid of anything.

338. We have Jesus on our side.

339. Oh well.

340. If you're not scared of anything—

341. Have a nice trip, boys.

342. Goodbye.

343. So, who's cooking dinner tonight?

344. I'll cook— I'm a great cook!

345. Humphry, everyone knows you're a chronic liar.

346. But I can!

347. I'm a super cook!

348. You son of a bitch, Humphrey.

349. Oh, come on!

350. You haven't even tried it yet!

351. You son of a bitch, Humphrey.

352. This stuff is great!

353. Can I— can I have more of the yellow stuff?

354. Hey, do you guys think it's true

355. that she's a trapper horse?

356. Oh, a horse is a horse.

357. Of course.

358. Of course.

359. But I don't think Arabians even are trapper horses, are they?

360. What matters, Mr. Packer, is that you're good to that horse.

361. - Trappers never are. - He's right.

362. God, you guys make me sick.

363. What is this, a feel good convention?

364. Now listen.

365. We've got a long journey ahead of us.

366. It's important that we all get along.

367. Now, you're hurting people's feelings.

368. You're going to have to find a more constructive way

369. to express your anger.

370. OK.

371. Well, fuck you.

372. How's that for constructive?

373. That's great.

374. Now go to timeout, mister.

375. We warned you.

376. God, you guys are weird.

377. Ah, ah— 20 feet away.

378. Turn around.

379. You know the rules.

380. Man, I just can't wait to get to Breckenridge

381. and see all those pretty women.

382. That's really all you care about, isn't it?

383. You know— I mean, I've been hiking around,

384. mining with my dad for ages.

385. It's like, the only people we ever see are guys.

386. I think the only time I've ever actually seen

387. women is in Salt Lake City.

388. And I mean, the women there are just so—

389. Mormon.

390. I mean, I'm 19 now, you know?

391. I just want to get in there and see what

392. it feels like to— you know.

393. What?

394. Well young men, if there's half as much gold in those hills

395. as people say, you'll be rich.

396. And you won't have any problem finding— that.

397. What?

398. What?

399. I know that there's more to life than women.

400. I just can't seem to figure out what else there is.

401. I don't need it every night.

402. Every morning would be just fine— a little sex,

403. that's all I'm asking for.

404. That's all I'm asking for!

405. That's all he's asking for.

406. Something I can test—

407. a gal would suit me best.

408. I got a thing to use— I know what to use it for.

409. A girl I can love and kiss and hold and f— that's all I'm

410. asking for.

411. Now, I don't want to be rich for the sake of women.

412. I want to be rich for the sake of our Lord.

413. Enough to build a church where everyone can come.

414. Enough for the Lord— that's all I'm asking for.

415. That's all I'm asking for!

416. That's all he's asking for!

417. It ain't a lot to ask.

418. I'm sure we'll get it fast.

419. A friend of mine was mining and he made a lot of cash.

420. He made a gazillion dollar, how is that?

421. That's all I'm asking for!

422. He did not make a gazillion dollars.

423. You want to ask him?

424. I'll tell you where he lives.

425. That's all he's asking for!

426. That's all I'm asking for!

427. We're tired of being sick.

428. We're sick of being poor.

429. We've had a little luck, now we want a little more.

430. Enough so we never do anything anymore!

431. That's all we're asking for!

432. Hey, what about you, Mr. Miller?

433. What are you asking for?

434. No, no.

435. I don't sing.

436. Oh, come on.

437. If you can talk, you can sing.

438. I just want to make enough so I can open up a shop of my own.

439. I'm going with my family trade.

440. Well, there!

441. That's great.

442. What is it you do?

443. I'm a butcher.

444. You're a butcher?

445. Yeah.

446. I've never had much in the way

447. of friends or family.

448. My horse is the only pal I've ever known.

449. I'd like to build a ranch in the Rocky Mountain air.

450. A home for us, that's all I'm asking for.

451. That's all we're asking for.

452. That's all we're asking for.

453. We're tired of being sick.

454. We're sick of being poor.

455. We've had a little luck.

456. Now we want a little more.

457. - A girl I can love! - A church!

458. - A ranch! - A store.

459. That's all we're asking—

460. that's all we're asking— that's all we're asking for.

461. Shpadoinkle!

462. You know, the thing I think I want more than anything is just

463. to go south to Sawatch and find those trappers,

464. and walk right up to them and go ha— we made it!

465. You're doomed— you're all doomed.

466. Lian!

467. Liane!

468. I'm coming, Mom.

469. I don't know where she could have gone.

470. You had her tied up, didn't you?

471. No, I never do.

472. Liane!

473. What's going on here?

474. Packer's horse left.

475. What?

476. Our food was on that horse!

477. Shut up, you guys! I'm tired!

478. She'll be back.

479. She probably just went on ahead to find

480. some water or something.

481. Liane!

482. Here, girl!

483. Hey, come on, Packer.

484. We should get going.

485. Well, no, I can't go now.

486. I've got to find her.

487. Whoa, whoa— look, asshole.

488. You said you'd take us to Breckenridge.

489. You're not going to leave us here to find it ourselves!

490. Well I'm not going to leave here without her!

491. Well, I say you are!

492. We've got to keep moving, Packer, especially now

493. that we've lost all our food.

494. We need to get to the next town as soon as possible.

495. Hey, Packer.

496. Looks like her trails lead off that way.

497. Maybe she's in front of us.

498. OK.

499. Liane's tracks headed east,

500. and so I kept following them.

501. The men didn't care as long as we were

502. still aiming for Breckenridge.

503. And then something happened that changed everything.

504. Here, girl!

505. How far to Colorado territory?

506. I don't know.

507. We must be pretty close.

508. Liane!

509. Here, girl!

510. Man, she's lost.

511. She's not lost.

512. She just took off.

513. No, she didn't just take off.

514. We were friends, and friends don't just take off.

515. - Watch out for that bear trap. - What?

516. Shpadoinkle!

517. You guys are doing it wrong!

518. Get it off!

519. Open it like this.

520. Get it off, please!

521. Whoops!

522. OK.

523. Here, let me try— let me try.

524. Oh, my leg!

525. Get it off!

526. Oh, god.

527. Oh, I did it.

528. You OK?

529. Who the heck put a trap here?

530. It's not that bad, is it?

531. I don't know— let me see!

532. Yeah, it's fine.

533. Hey look, you guys— the Green River!

534. Boy, I'm not having much luck on this trip, am I?

535. Well, look on the bright side— at least you didn't get

536. your head caught in that thing.

537. How the hell we supposed to cross this?

538. Wait, there's supposed to be a bridge.

539. We must be too far north.

540. Or too far south.

541. Some guide!

542. OK— we— we could take our wheelbarrow,

543. build it into a little boat, ride it across,

544. and then build it back into a wheelbarrow again!

545. Talk about wasting time.

546. Don't be such a horse's ass.

547. Sorry, Packer.

548. How deep do you think it is?

549. Well, what the hell was that supposed to prove?

550. Well— it's a— I don't know.

551. Well, let's just see what we can carry.

552. You really think we can make it?

553. Sure!

554. As long as we all go at once.

555. That way, if one of his trips and start shooting downstream,

556. we'll all be there to catch him.

557. Downstream?

558. Nobody's going downstream.

559. This is going to suck.

560. OK, on three.

561. One!

562. Two!

563. Three!

564. I can't feel my balls!

565. Wait, I— I thinks we lost Humphrey!

566. Good!

567. Hey Packer, there any more big rivers

568. between here and Breckenridge?

569. No, just the Colorado.

570. You guys, I can't feel my balls!

571. Well, we'd better set up camp quick

572. and get out of these clothes, else we're going to get

573. hypothermia something awful.

574. He's right— we got to get some body heat going.

575. OK, you guys!

576. Follow me!

577. I think I see a way out!

578. All right, just stick with me now— I've been on this river before!

579. All right, it's a little rough up here, but just stick with me!

580. Yeah, I'm starting to feel them again.

581. Scared the shit out of me.

582. Gosh.

583. Never thought I'd be sleeping next to a naked man

584. on this trip.

585. Just do what I'm doing— just pretend

586. you're laying next to a nice, soft woman.

587. What?

588. I'm just imagining old Mr. Miller here as a nice,

589. tall blonde—

590. Oh, god damn it!

591. Oh, a different partner!

592. You know, I think we should all take a minute

593. and thank the Lord for getting us across that river.

594. Oh, I can't go on.

595. I'm so hungry.

596. Oh wait!

597. I've got some fudge.

598. Say, Packer.

599. You really miss Liane, don't you?

600. Boy, I'll say.

601. I just can't believe she'd just take off like that.

602. Don't worry, Mr. Packer.

603. There's plenty of horses in the world.

604. Wouldn't want another one.

605. She'll never know what she meant to me.

606. Whenever I was with her, I was always as gentle as I could be.

607. And now I don't know why, but she's gone away.

608. And I'll just have to stand on my own two legs.

609. Your eyes, your smile made my little life worthwhile.

610. There was nothing I couldn't do when I was on top of you.

611. I'd pull her hair.

612. She'd know to stop.

613. And when she looked behind her, I'd always be there.

614. And now I don't know why, but she— she's gone.

615. And all I can do is try to carry on!

616. Your eyes, your smile made my little life worthwhile.

617. The sky was a lot more blue when I was on top of you.

618. When I was on top of you.

619. Fudge, Packer?

620. She was the only thing I ever had.

621. The only thing that made me feel important.

622. The only thing that made me feel wanted.

623. That night, I swore I'd get those men to Breckenridge

624. as fast as I possibly could.

625. So that was the last time you ever saw her?

626. No.

627. I saw her again, all right.

628. The trappers took her.

629. I don't know if anybody took her.

630. But then a few weeks later, we crossed over into Colorado territory.

631. Are there any more big rivers

632. between here and Breckenridge?

633. Oh no, just the Colorado!

634. The biggest fucking river I've ever seen in my entire life,

635. thank you very much, you of water!

636. It didn't used to be that big!

637. Well, I suppose we should all get into our bags again.

638. No!

639. No, no— let's just keep walking.

640. At least until the sun goes down.

641. I ain't that cold.

642. Oh, this is good, Packer— real good.

643. You're just a regular Christopher Columbus,

644. aren't you?

645. No, we made it— this is Colorado territory.

646. Looks like we're going to make it after all!

647. Come on, we can just walk around it—

648. it can't be that big.

649. Hey look, you guys— snow!

650. What is it, Packer?

651. Up over that ridge.

652. Utes.

653. No, I think they're Indians.

654. Why are they wearing saddles?

655. Utes are Indians.

656. Hey, you guys want to build a snowman or something?

657. Shut up, Swan.

658. Let's get down.

659. You think they see us?

660. I don't know.

661. Morning!

662. Morning.

663. Oh, shit.

664. What is that, Ute?

665. I don't know.

666. What the hell kind of language is that?

667. I don't know.

668. Just keep laughing.

669. You guys, let me talk to them.

670. I know how to speak Indian.

671. We're going to die.

672. Weep wah weep wah soro no happo.

673. He says, welcome to the land of blue light.

674. I am a carpenter and this is my brother, Tom.

675. Humphrey, you are so full of shit!

676. Ask them if they've seen a brown horse

677. with a freckled nose.

678. He doesn't know what they're saying.

679. Gotcha!

680. All right, you guys.

681. I think they want us to follow them.

682. What should we do?

683. Maybe they just want Humphrey.

684. Guess we don't have much choice.

685. We're in a lot of trouble here.

686. Just stay calm and let me do the talking.

687. Humphrey, don't say anything.

688. This is the weirdest Indian tribe I've ever seen.

689. He says—

690. Who are you, assholes?

691. Oh, he speaks English.

692. We are from Utah!

693. Utah?

694. Utah!

695. Utah.

696. Could you tell me what tribe this is?

697. We are Indians.

698. Yes, I see that.

699. But what Indians?

700. You don't think we are Indians?

701. No, no, no— I just—

702. We have teepees!

703. Right, I see.

704. Look at all these teepees we have.

705. Because we are Indians.

706. Yeah, they have teepees.

707. Where is your destination?

708. Breckenridge.

709. It's a small town east of here.

710. I know.

711. There are lots of gold, desu na?

712. Yeah, that's the place!

713. I'm afraid there is terrible storm in the mountain.

714. So if you like, you may wait here

715. and other assholes for storm to calm down.

716. What other assholes?

717. 10 days ago, the group of assholes like yourselves

718. came through here.

719. I told them they should wait for the storm to end.

720. Well, where are they?

721. Juichi will take you to them.

722. But don't take too long.

723. Because dinner in one hour.

724. Thank you, chief.

725. Yup.

726. Yup, yup, yup.

727. I like your father.

728. Yup, yup, yup.

729. Hey, screw this, man.

730. If they're not keeping us here, let's just ask for some food

731. and be on our way.

732. Yeah, we want to get to Breckenridge

733. before all the gold's worked out, remember?

734. I don't know— I really think we

735. ought to wait that storm out.

736. Yeah, me too.

737. Indians know what they're talking

738. about when it comes to weather.

739. Well, look who's here!

740. Oh, crap.

741. So, you boys were lucky enough to run into the Nihonjin too,

742. Good thing!

743. You diggers would have died for sure in that storm!

744. Say, what happened to your horse, Packer?

745. She ran away.

746. What?

747. Boy, that's a stitch!

748. I'll say.

749. What's so funny?

750. Come on, Packer.

751. It's only a matter of time.

752. A trapper horse can't spend her whole life

753. with some boring, dumb, cheesemo miner.

754. Well it's better than just leaving traps where people

755. can step in them and stuff.

756. Yeah, and killing all those furry little animals

757. all the time.

758. Aww, don't hurt the little animals.

759. Nice hat!

760. Well, I'd rather be a miner than a trapper any day!

761. You guys don't even know what it means to be a trapper.

762. Yeah!

763. Tell them, French!

764. I can catch a helpless animal—

765. skin it with my bare hands.

766. I wake up muddy, and I go to bed bloody,

767. cause I'm a trapping man.

768. I can brave the nastiest weather.

769. Weather!

770. Even if it's 80 below!

771. Below!

772. My pa was an elephant,

773. but that's irrelevant.

774. My ma was an Eskimo.

775. I eat rabbits' heads for breakfast—

776. Breakfast!

777. With beaver balls on the side!

778. The side!

779. My mind's magnificent,

780. my body no different.

781. I'm full of trapper pride!

782. Rip their fur, cut their skin with my knife,

783. One thing's for sure, nothing like the trapping life!

784. I'm badder than the baddest sailor!

785. Sailor!

786. Make love to women ten feet tall

787. I've got a chest of wonder and balls of thunder.

788. I can break right through a wall.

789. I love the sound of metal—

790. Metal!

791. Snapping on an animal's head!

792. Ka-chink!

793. Sometimes they scamper,

794. sometimes they whimper, but they always end up dead.

795. I've always wanted to be somebody

796. who didn't get pushed around.

797. Now that I'm a trapper, I'm the meanest guy around.

798. Second meanest!

799. The blood of a fresh-cut rodent is as sweet as brandy wine.

800. And the brain of an antelope tastes like cantaloupe.

801. What a yummy life.

802. Rip their fur, cut their eyes out with my knife.

803. Oh, stop.

804. That's sick.

805. I agree— Nutter was singing in the wrong key!

806. No I wasn't!

807. It was Loutzenheiser!

808. I was singing in E flat minor!

809. The song's in F sharp major!

810. I think they're the same thing.

811. I mean, E flat is the relative minor of F sharp.

812. No it isn't.

813. The relative minor is three half-tones down

814. from the major, not up!

815. No, it's three down, like A is the relative minor of C major.

816. But isn't A sharp in C major?

817. Wait, are you singing Mixolydian scales or something?

818. A sharp is tonic to C major.

819. It's the six!

820. No it isn't!

821. Well, it'd be like a raised 13th if anything.

822. Oh well.

823. You guys are just a bunch of loser diggers anyhow.

824. Oh, see?

825. You know we're right!

826. I knew it— this is Liane's food bag!

827. You dirty so-and-so, where is she?

828. I don't know what you're talking about.

829. I found it on the way up here.

830. You're a liar!

831. You calling me a liar?

832. Yes?

833. You'd be smart to get out of here, buddy.

834. Look, Frenchy, you know where she is,

835. and I'd really like to— ow, that smarts!

836. Nobody but nobody calls Frenchy Cabazon a liar!

837. Hey, hey now— do you need to go to timeout?

838. Anyone else?

839. Now get out of my personal space!

840. And so we stayed with the Indians, and I watched

841. the trappers' every move.

842. Oh, got him going on about the horse again, did you?

843. Come on.

844. It's time to go back to the courthouse.

845. The defendant will rise.

846. Alfred Packer, a jury of twelve honest citizens

847. have sat in judgment on your case and have found you guilty.

848. Alfred packer, the judgment of this court

849. is that you be removed from hence to the jail of Hinsdale

850. County, and then be taken to a place of execution prepared

851. for this purpose within the limits of the town of Lake

852. City, and then and there be hung by the neck

853. until you are dead, dead, dead.

854. And may God have mercy on your soul.

855. Hey, we won!

856. Yes, you certainly did.

857. So, I suppose it won't be hard for a winning prosecuting

858. attorney to get a date for dinner.

859. No.

860. I don't suppose it will.

861. Asshole.

862. It was then that Packer's horse,

863. his only friend, ran away.

864. Did this loss lead to his murdering

865. and eating his— unsuspecting?

866. Unsuspecting companions.

867. What could have caused his madness?

868. I can't imagine him being so violent.

869. He seems so— harmless.

870. Why should I care?

871. What is this magic I feel?

872. Seems no matter where I am, it finds me.

873. Puts the memories of hope inside me.

874. Makes me warm once more.

875. He's just a quiet man.

876. But his eyes can see right through me.

877. Is it only that I feel pity?

878. Could it be something more?

879. Safe as an island, far off to the sea.

880. I'd almost forgotten this side of me.

881. What is this magic I feel?

882. Thought this mushy stuff was below me.

883. Could it be he is the one to show me what compassion is for?

884. Safe as an island, far off to sea.

885. I'd almost forgotten this side of me.

886. Perhaps I'm not the cold bitch I pretended to be.

887. I'd almost forgotten this side of me.

888. Hello, Mr. Packer.

889. How are you doing?

890. How am I doing?

891. Have you ever been sitting around waiting to die?

892. Yes I have, as a matter of fact!

893. When?

894. Well, all right— I've never, really.

895. Didn't think so.

896. Now you left the Indian camp January.

897. How long before you realized—

898. Oh, no, no, no, no.

899. What's the point?

900. I told you what I told you because I thought you cared.

901. I didn't realize you were the prosecuting attorney's girl.

902. I am not his girl!

903. I just met the man last week.

904. Great guy.

905. Are you jealous?

906. Why the hell would I be jealous?

907. I'm going to die tomorrow!

908. He says I shouldn't believe a word you say.

909. He said you went mad at the bar in Sawatch.

910. Oh, that's the biggest joke ever.

911. You want to know what happened? OK.

912. We were at the Indian camp.

913. It was the morning after another big snow.

914. And it was also the first time I noticed Bell getting edgy.

915. Your skill is improving, Baka-san.

916. Thanks, Chief.

917. When do you think I'd be able to use

918. this stuff against like, two big guys

919. and one short but tough one.

920. You mean those crazy trappers?

921. Yeah.

922. Oh, remember?

923. This practice with the— shh— is not for becoming bully, OK?

924. OK.

925. Besides, you have nothing to worry about.

926. Those crazy trappers left this morning.

927. Oh, really?

928. Good— they what?

929. Yeah.

930. They decided to go on ahead.

931. Although I told them not to.

932. Those crazy trappers.

933. You're kidding!

934. You're not kidding.

935. Yeah, I may look tough and mean-spirited,

936. but I'm really a sensitive artist.

937. That's very interesting.

938. I paint.

939. And I sculpt with my hands.

940. That's very interesting, too.

941. You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?

942. That's very interesting.

943. You guys!

944. Shpadoinkle.

945. We have to go!

946. I mean— we should be going.

947. What?

948. The trappers left this morning.

949. So?

950. So— so maybe they saw a break in the weather!

951. Well, I'm not going anywhere.

952. Come on, you guys.

953. Have you forgotten your dreams?

954. We wanted to get to Breckenridge before all the gold was gone,

955. remember?

956. No way!

957. No way!

958. Come on, let's think about this.

959. If the trappers saw a break in the storm, that could mean

960. this could be the last chance we get to get out here for months.

961. It's the middle of the winter.

962. You heard the chief!

963. He said to stay here, remember?

964. He said clearly—

965. No, no, no.

966. It can't be the far, right?

967. Yeah!

968. Besides, if you quit acting like a sex-starved little Mr.

969. Pervert, we'd be able to get out of here!

970. OK.

971. Let's get going.

972. What, you leaving?

973. You crazy, too!

974. Well, that gold can't wait for us any longer.

975. I give you enough food for the trip, OK?

976. Thanks, chief.

977. Goodbye!

978. Shpadoinkle!

979. Watch out the cyclops!

980. I may be slow sometimes, but I'm not stupid.

981. I knew the trappers had kidnapped Liane

982. and that she was waiting for me to save her.

983. I thought I could catch up to them on their way to Sawatch,

984. but then I got us kind of lost.

985. This doesn't look right, Packer!

986. Chief said to follow the river east—

987. we're following the river east!

988. Yeah, but he didn't say anything about this!

989. I can't go on anymore— I'm starving.

990. Don't be such a wimp.

991. This trip can't get any worse for me.

992. This canyon is so beautiful.

993. And so we kept heading for Breckenridge,

994. but we still couldn't find any food.

995. And it wasn't long before we were

996. deep in the Rocky Mountains.

997. We got to be really close now!

998. I can't go on— I need food!

999. I— I can't!

1000. Me neither I'm starving!

1001. Look!

1002. A sheep!

1003. Yes!

1004. No, no, no— to eat.

1005. I know.

1006. I got to take a piss.

1007. Come on!

1008. Here little lambchop— come here, boy!

1009. What are you waiting for?

1010. Shoot it!

1011. Well, you shoot it.

1012. You're supposed to be the butcher.

1013. Well— well, I know, but—

1014. Give me this.

1015. I don't think I can watch this.

1016. So look the other way.

1017. What?

1018. He hasn't even done it yet!

1019. Are you looking at my eye?

1020. Are you looking at my eye?

1021. No, no, no.

1022. Not at all.

1023. A Union Army soldier did this to me in the big one.

1024. Any of you boys fight for the Union Army?

1025. Shucks no.

1026. Shucky dang darn.

1027. So you the boys been killing all

1028. my sheepies with those traps.

1029. No, we just now gots here.

1030. Where you from?

1031. Nashville.

1032. Well damn, it's good to see some Southern boys.

1033. It's been a long time.

1034. Well, I wish I were in the land of cotton.

1035. Old times there are not forgotten.

1036. Look away, look away, look away—

1037. You stupid Yank.

1038. You ain't Southern boys!

1039. You asshole, Humphrey!

1040. As the days went by, the snow just

1041. got deeper and deeper.

1042. And then I realized that maybe the men were losing some hope.

1043. Excuse me.

1044. I've been doing some thinking, um, just kind of looking

1045. at our situation here.

1046. And I've come to the conclusion that we're completely fucked!

1047. Has anybody else made this discovery:

1048. But I'm sure this is the right way.

1049. I don't want to die.

1050. Yes, the snow is deep.

1051. Oh god, I don't want to die— I don't want to die here!

1052. Sometimes the world is black.

1053. And tears run from your eyes.

1054. And maybe we'll all get really sick.

1055. And maybe we'll all die.

1056. So let's build a snowman!

1057. We can make him our best friend.

1058. We can name him Tom, or we can name him George.

1059. We can make him tall, or we can make him not-so-tall— snowman!

1060. He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view.

1061. If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you!

1062. So let's build a snowman, we can make him our best friend.

1063. We can name him Bob, or we can name him Beowulf!

1064. We can make him tall, or we can make him not-so-tall— snowman!

1065. He'll have a happy face, a happy smile,

1066. a happy point of view.

1067. If you build me a snowman—

1068. This fucker's gone completely nuts.

1069. Then I'll build one for you!

1070. Snowman, snowman, snowman!

1071. The days were bad, but the nights were worse.

1072. All we did was try to keep from freezing.

1073. We were all frostbitten and on our last legs—

1074. when the butcher suggested that we eat our shoes.

1075. Well, I'm not eating my fucking shoes.

1076. He said the salt and the leather

1077. would only hold us over for the night, but we didn't care.

1078. It was one more night to stay alive.

1079. We're just prolonging the inevitable.

1080. We're dying— as in dead.

1081. As in no more nothing.

1082. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

1083. You realize how stupid that sounds right now, don't you?

1084. Yes I do.

1085. You know, pretty soon this whole trip will be behind us,

1086. and we can look back on it with fond memories.

1087. What fond memories?

1088. You have to stay optimistic.

1089. This is nothing that a little positive thinking

1090. can't help us get through.

1091. How the hell can you say that?

1092. You're frostbitten worse than the rest of us!

1093. Well, you never realize what a good time you're

1094. having until after it's over.

1095. Swan, why don't you take a god damned

1096. minute to look around and—

1097. You're just wasting valuable energy.

1098. Then tell him to shut up!

1099. Swan, shut up.

1100. Oh you.

1101. What?

1102. OK, Packer— what now?

1103. I can't keep going on like this forever!

1104. Me either.

1105. We haven't eaten in a week.

1106. What are we going to do, Packer?

1107. I know what we should do!

1108. What?

1109. Let's build a snowman!

1110. We can make him our best friend!

1111. Shut the fuck up, Swan!

1112. We can name him Shannon!

1113. Shannon Wilson Bell.

1114. Swan, shut the fuck up!

1115. We can make him tall or we

1116. can make him not-so-tall—

1117. He's dead!

1118. Well no kidding, he's dead.

1119. Half his brains are lying in the snow.

1120. He— he looks so happy.

1121. It's like he's going to sing a song.

1122. Hey Packer, if we make it out of this,

1123. we're going to turn Bell in, aren't we?

1124. I don't know.

1125. Let's just figure all that out when we get there.

1126. If we get there.

1127. Hell, we should have gone out to California or something.

1128. Well, haven't you ever heard of the Donner party?

1129. Yeah, the Donner party— they got

1130. stuck in the California mountains.

1131. They had to eat each other to stay alive.

1132. Well heck yeah— why not?

1133. Wait a minute, Humphrey— you wouldn't even eat your shoes?

1134. Well yeah, but you put your feet in shoes.

1135. But what do we eat?

1136. Well, you're the butcher.

1137. Well, yeah, but— I don't know.

1138. I just—

1139. So butch.

1140. Wait, you're cutting into his butt!

1141. Well, what kind of piece do you want?

1142. Well, not butt!

1143. Gross, Packer!

1144. What about him?

1145. I don't want any!

1146. Fine.

1147. You're in timeout anyway.

1148. Oh, look— you got it on my pants.

1149. Sorry.

1150. Is there any more Swan left?

1151. I want breakfast.

1152. You know, I think— I think we're really close now.

1153. You know, I have lost count of how many times

1154. you've said that.

1155. I mean, how long have we been out here?

1156. Three weeks?

1157. Four.

1158. How far can Breckenridge be?

1159. Jesus Christ, don't you idiots get it?

1160. It's that stupid horse!

1161. That's why we're out here, freezing

1162. and starving to death— because of his god damn horse!

1163. What?

1164. We're nowhere near Breckenridge!

1165. We're way too far south.

1166. Don't you remember what's south of Breckenridge?

1167. Sawatch!

1168. That's where the trappers were going!

1169. You asked me to take you to Breckenridge.

1170. That's what I'm trying to do.

1171. Then why are we so far south?

1172. You guys I just thought of something, too.

1173. What?

1174. OK, now remember when Swan was building that snowman?

1175. Yeah.

1176. Well, how the hell did he make that tapping sound

1177. with his feet?

1178. You just now thought of that?

1179. That's pretty fucking weird, isn't it?

1180. God damn it, you fucking moron!

1181. You know, Packer, because of you I

1182. am never going to get laid.

1183. Bell's infected leg had finally gotten so bad that he

1184. was losing his shpadoinkle.

1185. I'll never get to do it doggie style.

1186. Everybody was, including me.

1187. I kept thinking about Liane with that dirty trapper.

1188. I knew she'd never let anyone ride her

1189. but me, so all I could think about was

1190. her poor little broken heart, waiting for me to come home.

1191. And then I vowed to myself that no matter what,

1192. I wouldn't let that happen— that no

1193. matter what, I was going to make it.

1194. I knew the first step was to get the men's spirits back

1195. up, like Swan would have done.

1196. Here you go.

1197. I'll never get a blow job!

1198. You guys, look— Abe Lincoln.

1199. Abe Lincoln?

1200. You know, it's funny.

1201. When we started out on this trip, all I wanted

1202. was to be rich.

1203. But now just some food, some warmth.

1204. That's all I'm asking for.

1205. That's all I'm asking for.

1206. That's all I'm asking for.

1207. Forget our piece of pie.

1208. We just don't want to die.

1209. We've had some rotten luck.

1210. We can't take it anymore.

1211. We don't care if we're forever poor.

1212. That's all we're asking for.

1213. So cold.

1214. Can't move.

1215. Can't feel.

1216. Can't make complete sentences.

1217. We have to eat something.

1218. Maybe we should sacrifice somebody.

1219. He's right.

1220. If one of us dies, the others can live.

1221. It should be Bell.

1222. He killed Swan.

1223. It's only fair.

1224. I agree.

1225. You should kill him.

1226. He's the one that got us into this.

1227. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

1228. We're almost up over this last ridge.

1229. We can probably see a long ways from there.

1230. We can't do it, Packer.

1231. We can't even stand up.

1232. I'll go.

1233. You guys just watch the fire.

1234. Nobody eat anybody.

1235. OK, you guys.

1236. I was wrong about the ridge, but—

1237. What are you guys doing?

1238. Yeah, they were going to kill me.

1239. After you left, they attacked me, so I had to defend myself.

1240. Well, looks like it's survival of the strongest, eh Packer?

1241. Maybe it's for the best.

1242. I mean, now we have enough meat to last for weeks.

1243. Hell, we may even make it til summer!

1244. Yes sir, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

1245. We can— we could say we lost these boys.

1246. Bury the bodies and no one will ever know.

1247. I can open my church and you can build your ranch.

1248. No, I— I think we should probably just go tell somebody,

1249. you know?

1250. I mean— I mean, if it was in self defense, they won't care.

1251. Don't be stupid, man!

1252. Nobody will miss them.

1253. Don't forget, you ate Swan, too.

1254. If anybody finds out about any of this, they'll hang us both!

1255. Why?

1256. You killed them.

1257. That's not how I remember it!

1258. I'm not about to let some ignorant poke ruin my chances

1259. of becoming a priest!

1260. You know what, Bell?

1261. I think you've really lost it.

1262. And I— I don't think you killed these guys in self defense,

1263. either.

1264. I think you just killed them.

1265. And I'm telling.

1266. You're not telling anybody anything, ever again!

1267. Who do—

1268. I'll get you, Pack—

1269. The snowstorms didn't let up,

1270. so I stayed in that camp for weeks,

1271. living off the bodies of the others.

1272. I knew right then no one would believe what happened.

1273. I made my way to an Indian agency,

1274. and they just fixed me up and sent me to the nearest town.

1275. I told everyone that I didn't know where the others

1276. were— that I'd lost them.

1277. But then—

1278. Alfred Packer?

1279. I'm the Sheriff of Sawatch.

1280. Some people are getting mighty suspicious of you.

1281. Me?

1282. Well, the rest of your priority hasn't shown up yet.

1283. Well, yeah.

1284. Well, we're going to put together a search priority.

1285. I'd like you to come along— show

1286. us where you last saw them.

1287. I can't.

1288. See, I have to get back to Utah.

1289. I'm trying to find my—

1290. Back to Utah?

1291. But those people are still up there,

1292. struggling for their lives!

1293. OK, I'll go.

1294. All right.

1295. Meet me at my office at sunrise.

1296. You know what they say about sunrise.

1297. Liane!

1298. Don't you look sharp.

1299. What you doing here in Sawatch?

1300. I thought you were headed to Breckenridge.

1301. This is my horse.

1302. She— she just followed me here.

1303. She's letting you ride her.

1304. Come here, girl!

1305. Tell you what— give you $8 for her.

1306. Keep your money.

1307. At that moment, I realized

1308. Liane hadn't been stolen.

1309. She'd left me— for him.

1310. So, they tell me you lost the rest of your party.

1311. Kind of misplaced them, did you?

1312. Now you're just kind of hanging back, having

1313. a little drinky-poo, huh?

1314. I don't want to drinky-poo.

1315. Leave me alone.

1316. Not only did I get here two months ahead of you, Packer,

1317. but I came back with everyone I started with.

1318. Tell me something, Frenchy— how does

1319. it feel to be riding my horse?

1320. Come off it, Packer.

1321. Everyone in this town has ridden your horse.

1322. How you going to pay for that, Digger?

1323. Packer!

1324. Packer.

1325. You lied to me.

1326. They found the bodies on Slumgullion Pass.

1327. They were eaten.

1328. I'm taking you downtown, cannibal.

1329. You little bastard.

1330. Now you must die.

1331. God damn cannibal Yankee!

1332. OK, wait, wait— ow!

1333. OK— that's going to hurt— oof!

1334. Wait, wait you guys.

1335. I can explain every—

1336. No, wait!

1337. He's mine!

1338. Now I'm going to show you a good trapper beating.

1339. Sushi!

1340. Remember what you learned, Baka-san.

1341. Don't be such a wimp.

1342. Dirty so-and-so horsie-snatching—

1343. Jinkies.

1344. Oh, he got him in the jelly— right in the jelly.

1345. OK— OK, nobody move!

1346. I'll— I'll eat this guy right in front of you!

1347. He's serious, man— don't move!

1348. He is a cannibal!

1349. Well, don't just stand there— go get him!

1350. Let's get him!

1351. There he is!

1352. And I ran and I ran and I ran just fast as I possibly could!

1353. But you made it to Wyoming, right?

1354. Yeah, but I would've been better off just letting

1355. those people catch me and kill me.

1356. Why?

1357. You ever been to Wyoming?

1358. Uh, hello?

1359. Oh god, it sounds horrible.

1360. It was.

1361. I managed to hide out there for a while,

1362. but they caught up with me, brought me back—

1363. and now I don't know what's going to happen.

1364. You'll be fine, I promise.

1365. And I'll be with you the whole time.

1366. You'll see, Alfred.

1367. There won't be a hanging day.

1368. You— you have made me feel better.

1369. You know, I think maybe there is hope.

1370. I know that today will be a day that

1371. goes down in history as a day when justice was truly served!

1372. Now let's hang the bastard!

1373. Come on, Packer.

1374. It's time for the show.

1375. Wait— did see that lady that's been around here?

1376. Polly Pry?

1377. She went back to Denver.

1378. Denver?

1379. Yeah.

1380. She works for the "Denver Post."

1381. Didn't you know that?

1382. Douche bag.

1383. Hang the bastard, hang him high.

1384. Hoist his body through the sky.

1385. It's as nice as a day can be.

1386. Won't you come to the hanging with me?

1387. Hang the bastard, hang him high.

1388. Hoist his body to the sky.

1389. It's as nice as a day can be.

1390. Won't you come to the hanging with me?

1391. Hang the bastard, hang him well.

1392. Send his sorry soul to hell.

1393. When his neck bone snaps we'll know that the cannibal

1394. won't be killing anymore.

1395. His face will turn red, then purple, then blue.

1396. We'll watch from up here to get a good view.

1397. And when his eyes bug out we'll know it's the end of him

1398. and the end of the show.

1399. So hang the bastard, hang him with cheer.

1400. We'll make some hot dogs and drink a few beers.

1401. And when his tongue rolls out we'll

1402. know it's the end of the show and we all can go home.

1403. But not til we hang the bastard, hang him here.

1404. The most exciting thing this town has seen in years.

1405. When his body stops jerking, we'll know—

1406. It's the end of him.

1407. It's the end of him.

1408. It's the end of him.

1409. And the end of the show.

1410. Cowbell solo!

1411. So hang the bastard, hang him high.

1412. Kiss his guilty butt goodbye.

1413. It's as nice as a day can be.

1414. Won't you come to the hanging with me?

1415. His veins will pop out all over his head.

1416. We'll tickle his armpits to make sure he's dead.

1417. And when his tongue rolls

1418. out we'll know it's the end of him and we all can go home.

1419. But not til we hang the bastard,

1420. hang him high.

1421. Hoist his body to the sky.

1422. And when his body stops jerking, we'll know—

1423. It's the end of him.

1424. It's the end of him.

1425. It's the end of him.

1426. Let's get on with the show.

1427. Hooray!

1428. Alfred Packer, do you have any last words?

1429. Yes I do.

1430. Right.

1431. Make it snappy.

1432. Probably the most important thing

1433. is that when things get really bad

1434. and the world looks its darkest, you

1435. just have to throw up your hands and say, well all right.

1436. Because it's probably going to get a whole helluva lot worse.

1437. Jolly good speech.

1438. Now let's get on with the hanging.

1439. Hooray!

1440. Release the floor!

1441. Shpadoinkle.

1442. Wait!

1443. Wait!

1444. Move it.

1445. Wait.

1446. This is a stay of execution ordered by the governor.

1447. What?

1448. Why?

1449. The events that this man is being hung for

1450. took place before Colorado was made into a state.

1451. This was all Ute Indian reservation.

1452. Packer cannot legally be tried under state law.

1453. I'm afraid you're out of line, Miss Pry!

1454. No, Mr. Mills, it's you who's out of line, since you

1455. know about this entire trial.

1456. Polly, why are you doing this?

1457. Because I've learned something about helping people

1458. instead of manipulating them.

1459. Does this mean I'm not going to die today?

1460. Yes.

1461. Yes, Alfred, it does.

1462. Why did you go to all this trouble?

1463. Do you want to know why?

1464. Yes.

1465. Your eyes, your smile

1466. make my little life worthwhile.

1467. There's nowhere I'd rather be if you were on top of—

1468. What the hell do you think you're doing here, lady?

1469. These people came to see some good violence,

1470. and by golly, they're going to see some.

1471. Yeah!

1472. Die, cheesemo.

1473. No, wait—

1474. Hey, you can't do that, jerky!

1475. You are a bad, bad person!

1476. Chief, how did you get here?

1477. Oh, your friend told me you needed help.

1478. Liane?

1479. I found her for you, Alfred.

1480. Here, girl!

1481. I'll go get her.

1482. No.

1483. I don't need her anymore.

1484. Hey chief, do you want a horse?

1485. You don't want the horse?

1486. No.

1487. I think I know what I want now— someone

1488. who really cares about me.

1489. There's an appeal case to work on, Alfred.

1490. I have to go back to Denver.

1491. But I'll be back up tomorrow.

1492. Gosh ever repay you?

1493. You already have, Alfred.

1494. You already have.

1495. God bless us, every one.

1496. The sky is blue and all the leaves are green.

1497. My heart's as full as a baked potato.

1498. I'm sure you know exactly what I mean when

1499. I say it's a shpadoinkle day.

1500. When we say it's a shpadoinkle day.