Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014)

1. There's a room filled with dinos and incense

2. Bathed in magisterial light

3. You hear it took a forgotten language

4. Turn what you will into night

5. There names into the old stuff

6. They bought what soft brigades

7. They need a little blood on the alter

8. They burn but don't have to spew

9. Bleed until they drip me clean

10. We need you both

11. We need you to worship all the shadows

12. Some type of episode

13. Some frightened evolution

14. We need you talked to but we don't understand

15. Some men with guns and you don't get it

16. It's all made in destitution

17. We need new cults

18. We need new cults

19. We need new

20. We need new

21. We need new cults

22. We need new cults

23. We need new

24. We need new

25. We need new cults

26. we need new cults

27. we need new cults

28. We need new

29. Glad you could join us.

30. I'm Detective LaGrassi.

31. I want you to tell me what happened at the church

32. of Starry Wisdom.

33. Why so you can laugh at me?

34. I've read your book.

35. Human sacrifices, alien gods,

36. hookers giving birth the mutant babies.

37. You see Mr. Wilcox, we have 43 dead bodies.

38. Well anyway I think it's 43.

39. It's kind of hard to tell when you can't piece

40. all the parts together.

41. I hope you like jigsaw puzzles.

42. And I got the centers for disease control on speed dial

43. because there's some new STD going around

44. that no one has ever seen before.

45. I hope you don't sleep around Mr. Wilcox.

46. Look I tried telling the police.

47. Try me.

48. Start at the beginning.

49. Alright.

50. I was in a bad place.

51. I was starting to think that there was nothing special

52. in the world.

53. Hey there loser, it's me, the girl you'll never get,

54. Missy Katonixx, and this video is for all you

55. desperate virgins out there.

56. I'm gonna teach you how to fuck

57. because let's face it, you can't spend the rest of your life

58. beating off in your parent's basement.

59. Oh fuck me harder.

60. Carter, this is George Angel from the Arcon Post

61. I need that cover art tonight.

62. We go to press in six hours Carter.

63. Get your shit together.

64. Carter, do you have any condoms?

65. No.

66. Well, could you go pick some up?

67. I'll take it off your rent.

68. Sure.

69. I have to go to the art store anyway so.

70. Baby, you know, we don't have to use condoms all the time.

71. Safe sex or no sex.

72. Hey man, you got somebody special in your life?

73. damn she's got killer tits.

74. I'd love to play those cow drums.

75. Pick up some magnums.

76. They don't call me the dick for nothing.

77. Hurry up, don't stop and smell the roses.

78. Get a room.

79. Come in.

80. Mr. Suydum?

81. Please call me Sebastian.

82. I'm not sure what you're into, but I brought some things.

83. Oh.

84. I've got some things too.

85. See anything you like?

86. Those won't be necessary.

87. Take your clothes off.

88. Quickly.

89. Easy there Mr.

90. Spanking costs extra.

91. Is something wrong?

92. we didn't discuss a group rate.

93. Well that went down easy.

94. Let's roll.

95. Alright you two, knock it off.

96. Is everybody ready?

97. Copy that.

98. Squid?

99. Squid?

100. Come again?

101. I'm sorry I'm so, small.

102. I wish I was,

103. well you know, bigger for you.

104. It's a good size Walter

105. You know Riley I left my wife for you?

106. Will you kiss me on the mouth?

107. Walter, you're my Prince Charming.

108. If I kiss you, you might turn into a frog.

109. You're so special.

110. Walter nothing is special.

111. You mean the world to me Riley.

112. If there's anything you ever need,

113. my door is always open.

114. The most important book in the history of mankind

115. and he leaves it in a hotel room.

116. They didn't go far Professor.

117. Better move your ass.

118. Hey there fellas, you've reached

119. Tempest Mountain Escorts.

120. Looks like we're too busy getting busy

121. to take your call.

122. Leave a message and we'll return it with a massage.

123. Ashton, you trifling asshole,

124. if you forget me one more time, you can kiss me goodbye.

125. Don't you two ever come up for air?

126. Oh I'm sorry Professor, we didn't hear you.

127. Well this is serious business, you two better

128. start using your heads.

129. I got it.

130. I got it.

131. You're late dickhead.

132. Where the hell were you?

133. Stay sweet my peach.

134. Don't make me take you off the menu.

135. Back again loser?

136. How old are you?

137. And you're still a virgin?

138. You are pathetic.

139. Mr. Wilcox, I am not interested in your love life

140. or lack there of.

141. Would you just listen to me?

142. There was something about this girl.

143. She was different.

144. I just had to see her again

145. but I wasn't the only one looking for her.

146. Are you Carter?

147. Yeah.

148. Come in.

149. Nice place you got here.

150. Can I get you something?

151. I'm fine,

152. sit down.

153. You're making me nervous.

154. So, first thing's first.

155. I get the money up front.

156. Right.

157. Sorry.

158. Alright hunni, let's cut to the chase.

159. What are you looking for?

160. I don't bite

161. unless you're into that stuff.

162. Actually I was wondering if maybe we could,

163. if I could paint you.

164. This is a bachelor party?

165. Relax pumpkin, it's cool.

166. You better pay us double for this.

167. If you peel my banana tonight, we'll call it a deal.

168. It smells like the hippo house at the zoo.

169. Well the money is right so brush it off.

170. You made these?

171. Yeah, it's um,

172. the only thing I'm good at.

173. You're lucky.

174. I'm pretty sure sex is my calling.

175. I don't think that's true.

176. Do me a favor?

177. Ignore my birthmark.

178. It's gross.

179. I like it.

180. I mean, I like who you are.

181. You don't know anything about me.

182. Sorry that's my roommate.

183. She makes music.

184. I call it noise.

185. Can you have her turn it off?

186. Hey Erica?

187. My model asked if you could stop playing.

188. Model?

189. Hi.

190. If you break his heart, I'll break your face.

191. Carter, you dog!

192. Erica please leave.

193. No but this is adorable.

194. I give you 10 seconds before you pop.

195. Good evening Mr. Abon.

196. I'm excited to meet your girls.

197. Let me show you what's on the menu tonight.

198. We got Cherry Pie, Honey Melons,

199. and my personal favorite, Jerusalem Artichoke.

200. I'm looking for something special.

201. My man I got you.

202. The special position for the night is the loopdy loop.

203. Y'all know what the loopdy loop is don't you?

204. Ladies, would you mind taking off your skirts?

205. I'd like to take a look at your asses.

206. Come on girls, show him some skin.

207. Well, this is disappointing.

208. Excuse me?

209. I suppose we could let the children fuck them.

210. What, Ashton?

211. My man, nobody said nothing about fucking children.

212. you best back up, back the fuck up!

213. I'm looking for a specific girl Mr. Abon.

214. a girl with a birthmark.

215. The mark of Cthulhu.

216. It's above her right buttock.

217. Wait above her ass?

218. I know a girl like that.

219. She's my MVP.

220. The apple of my eye.

221. Are you lying Mr. Abon?

222. I only lie to my mom man.

223. She thinks I sell insurance.

224. How do we get a hold of this girl.

225. I aint telling you shit until you let me

226. and my peaches out of here.

227. If you don't tell me how to find this girl,

228. there will be blood.

229. Cute girl, what's her name?

230. Riley.

231. Have you fucked her yet?

232. No, Erica sex actually means something to me.

233. If I fall in love with her, then sure.

234. Carter, love isn't real.

235. You'd have a better chance getting a hand job

236. from the Easter Bunny.

237. We're all just molecules.

238. What if someone told you that they loved you?

239. I would tell them to drop dead.

240. Well, tomorrow night,

241. her and I have a date and she told me she's not even

242. gonna charge me for it.

243. Ohh, wow, what a sweetheart.

244. Hello?

245. Is this Carter Wilcox?

246. Is this a debt collector?

247. Not exactly.

248. I got your name from George over at the Arcon Post.

249. I wanna hire you for an illustration job.

250. Could we meet later for drinks?

251. I want to see you in the flesh.

252. Going back back back in time

253. Stripping through the ages

254. The future will be mine

255. Surviving all the ages

256. Took a time machine from the stone age.

257. Hey do you guys think that maybe we could go

258. somewhere else.

259. No, we're looking for someone.

260. Who are you looking for?

261. I'll keep an eye out.

262. Tell me Carter, do you believe in fate?

263. Destiny?

264. I'd like to.

265. The end of the world is coming.

266. We believe you can save it.

267. Save it from what?

268. The less you know, the better.

269. Look what do you guys want me to draw?

270. I want you to copy something fast.

271. We've already rewritten the text.

272. We just need the illustrations and I need it

273. before the eclipse next week.

274. Wait, you want me to copy an entire book in a week?

275. No, by tomorrow night.

276. The stars will be right soon.

277. It's the only way to stop it.

278. Stop what?

279. Cthulhu.

280. Who the hell is Cthulhu?

281. There are some things man was never meant to understand.

282. Yeah, I call them women.

283. You want answers?

284. Take the job, read the book.

285. Look I don't even think I can do this.

286. It's almost impossible.

287. I am talking about the survival of the human race,

288. you whiny little shit.

289. Almost impossible is our best case scenario.

290. So I took the job.

291. Even though your clients were two weirdos

292. convinced the world was about to be eaten

293. by a giant octopus?

294. So how'd you finish the copying so quickly?

295. I worked nonstop overnight, into the next day.

296. I guess Riley became my muse.

297. My obsession fueled my work.

298. I've had crushes before but this girl,

299. I was just drawn to her.

300. It's been a long time since I was on a real date.

301. How are you folks tonight?

302. Can I get your drink orders?

303. I'll have a screaming orgasm.

304. And you sir?

305. I'm good with just the water.

306. He's a client.

307. Wait, you had sex with that guy?

308. I guess you could call it that?

309. If you don't mind me asking,

310. what's it like?

311. Sex with Walter?

312. No I mean,

313. being an escort?

314. You really wanna hear about that?

315. Yeah.

316. They pay me to make them feel special,

317. which is pretty hard because they're not and I have

318. no feelings for them whatsoever.

319. Sometimes, when their kinks come out,

320. it can get pretty funny.

321. You know the way to a man's heart, through his stomach.

322. Call me delicious.

323. It's all about their fantasy, pretending to be something

324. they can't get it real life.

325. Oh Dr. West, I'm really sick.

326. Will you take my temperature?

327. You think you're fucked up?

328. Rest assured, there's always someone out there way weirder.

329. Oh twinkle toes, you've been running through my mind

330. all day.

331. It's disgusting.

332. I want you to shit on me.

333. But it's what I do.

334. I don't get it.

335. You could have anybody you want.

336. Maybe I don't want anybody.

337. You get involved with someone, you start to feel trapped,

338. constricted, held against your will.

339. Good evening ladies.

340. Don't be shy.

341. They like you.

342. You're adorable.

343. You guys have a great night.

344. You are about to go through an incredible change in bed.

345. You know about that, you're supposed to add "in bed"

346. at the end of every fortune.

347. That doesn't work with me.

348. I usually get something stupid like,

349. "you're a nice person."

350. In bed.

351. I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

352. The road to knowledge begins with the turn of the page.

353. In bed.

354. Must be about, the kama sutra.

355. Here, pick another one.

356. You are about to get lucky.

357. Would you like to go back to my place?

358. Sounds like music to my ears.

359. Open your eyes Mr. Abon.

360. Where is Riley?

361. My man, I got her number right here.

362. If you get me out of here and it's all yours.

363. Hello?

364. Hey!

365. I'm talking to you!

366. Girls?

367. They're my girls now.

368. And I've kept them real horny.

369. They just want some love and guess who's on the menu tonight

370. Peaches, Peaches no.

371. Do you still want them to peel your banana?

372. Come on Ashton, show him some skin.

373. I'm gonna get you neutered.

374. You'll be a fucking eunuch.

375. Come down, it's not that serious.

376. You almost gave me an STD.

377. I was gonna tell you.

378. It's just a few little bumps.

379. It can be our love bug.

380. Hey.

381. Rick the Dick Pickman.

382. You two know each other?

383. Ladies, I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine

384. We work together.

385. Oh at the club, of course.

386. Listen to me, we can't have sex anymore.

387. Do you understand me?

388. Baby, I got a gift I have to share with the world.

389. Yeah more like a one-eyed monster.

390. Baby please.

391. I love you.

392. Drop dead.

393. It's all about closing the door.

394. Why don't we just destroy the book?

395. No book, no incantations, no doorway, no Cthulhu.

396. Have you ever tried to destroy the book?

397. It's impossible, forget the book.

398. We need to find the girl before they do.

399. Maybe they won't find the girl.

400. We can't save the world with a maybe.

401. Carter finishes the book, we place it.

402. The cult won't know the difference and they can't

403. open the portal to the dream lands.

404. That's plan B.

405. What's plan A?

406. Find the whore and stop her before she fucks us

407. into Armageddon.

408. I've been saving myself for someone like you.

409. You know, I think we should wait.

410. Are you sure?

411. I mean why?

412. You are very sweet, Carter.

413. I just,

414. Shit, I gotta go.

415. Wait what's wrong?

416. I need to pick up a shift at the Shining Trapeze.

417. You're a stripper too?

418. Surprise.

419. call me tomorrow.

420. Bravo Carter.

421. Carter, we don't have much time.

422. How's your progress?

423. Who the fuck is that?

424. Oh actually that's my girlfriend.

425. Does she sell her flesh?

426. Is she a prostitute?

427. No she's a call girl.

428. Where is she?

429. You better start talking Jack.

430. She's working at the Shining Trapeze.

431. It's a strip clup.

432. Look it, you might not see us tonight or ever again.

433. Memorize it.

434. What are you talking about?

435. What is this?

436. When the time comes, recite this incantation

437. and close the gate.

438. Scumbags and gentlemen, boys and cretins,

439. put your greasy mits together for my favorite man eater,

440. Riley!

441. There is a new way

442. To become new flesh

443. There's a place

444. I won't surrender

445. There's a place

446. Where time

447. Nobody move, she's mine.

448. Don't be stupid Edna.

449. You can't stand in the way of the stars.

450. You're wrong Jack.

451. What do you want?

452. The end of mankind.

453. The cosmos has summoned you Riley

454. and you must answer the call.

455. Hey this is Riley.

456. Sorry I'm tied up at the moment.

457. Leave a message and I'll call you back.

458. Hugs and kisses.

459. Riley, listen this is gonna sound a bit ridiculous but

460. if you could just give me a call when you get the chance,

461. I would really appreciate it.

462. Just, when you get a chance call me okay?

463. Edna, what happened?

464. You were my favorite pupil.

465. One of those is a fake, which?

466. Even if I could remember I wouldn't tell you.

467. Wilbur.

468. Try to remember!

469. I think it's on the tip of your tongue.

470. draw the doorway.

471. This is a very special moment.

472. Don't ruin it.

473. You've already said a mouthful.

474. Take a gander Edna.

475. Look, look Cthulhu.

476. Accept your insignificance.

477. Hello.

478. Baby, you gotta help me.

479. It's bad baby, it's really bad.

480. Why are you calling me Rick?

481. We are done.

482. This bitch in the club.

483. She gave me some sort of disease.

484. Please.

485. I'm scared.

486. Go see a doctor or you could try keeping it in your pants

487. for once, Dick.

488. Baby?

489. Oh shit.

490. Hello?

491. Riley, It's Carter, are you okay?

492. Yeah.

493. What's up?

494. Nothing, I was just worried about you.

495. Where are you?

496. Carter, I just woke up from a really bad nightmare.

497. Can I call you back later?

498. Yeah sure just do you wanna go out and get coffee

499. or something?

500. hello?

501. She's changing.

502. It'll take a few more days.

503. We have to let our butterfly spread her wings.

504. Otherwise,

505. she'll never learn how to fly.

506. There's my girl.

507. You alright?

508. I'm sick Walter.

509. Yeah I heard the flu's been going around.

510. No, Walter like really sick.

511. I think I have a disease.

512. I don't think you should touch me.

513. oh don't be silly.

514. I'd touch you even if you had the bubonic plague.

515. I love you.

516. You know what I like about you Walter?

517. You love me for who I am on the inside.

518. It's been a while Cinderella.

519. Prince Charming has brought you some very special slippers.

520. Show me those piggly wigglies come on.

521. What what what?

522. Oh darling I could just eat you up.

523. Dido.

524. Make it rain baby, make it rain.

525. Open wide.

526. Thank you.

527. Is that sarcasm?

528. No, I'm being sincere.

529. I was having a horrible nightmare.

530. Well I'm glad somebody appreciates it.

531. Rick hates it.

532. I like it.

533. It's weird.

534. So what was your nightmare about?

535. Riley.

536. Uh oh Don Juan.

537. Are you getting butterflies?

538. I'm just so nervous about everything.

539. What's there to be nervous about?

540. I don't know.

541. She's very experienced.

542. Yeah she's hooker, isn't she?

543. She's a call girl.

544. But I really like her a lot.

545. Well I just hope for your sake, she doesn't have any STDs.

546. It doesn't matter what she does for money.

547. There's something special about her.

548. I see the way other guys look at her.

549. She makes heads turn.

550. I want her so bad it hurts.

551. This is gonna get real messy.

552. I just hope you use protection.

553. Riley, it's Carter.

554. Carter, this has to stop.

555. We can't keep seeing each other.

556. Riley please.

557. Carter, there is nothing special about me.

558. You're wrong.

559. Stop.

560. We're not right for each other.

561. Why?

562. Are you sure?

563. Are you positive?

564. Yes, I'm positive.

565. hey, this is Riley.

566. Sorry I'm tied up at the moment.

567. Leave a message and I'll call you back.

568. Hugs and kisses.

569. Riley, it's Walter.

570. I don't know what's happening to me

571. but I just want you to know that I love you

572. and you don't have to worry about me being too small anymore

573. Are you sure about that?

574. What the fuck did you do to me?

575. Please, allow me to explain.

576. You've been chosen Riley.

577. Those changes that are happening to your body.

578. It's a metamorphosis, an evolution.

579. Consider your former self, a caterpillar.

580. Now, you're changing into a beautiful butterfly.

581. I don't feel like a butterfly.

582. But darling, this is merely a cocoon.

583. Cthulhu has chosen you

584. to bear his child.

585. Come with us.

586. I'll explain everything.

587. It's a new chapter in your destiny.

588. Fuck.

589. Hey Erica.

590. Have you heard from Rick?

591. No.

592. Have you heard from Riley?

593. No.

594. I wanted to give you something.

595. Here.

596. What's this?

597. It's my music.

598. Does it have a name?

599. No name.

600. Can't be categorized, can't be named.

601. I wrote a song for you.

602. It's on there but you have to figure out which one it is.

603. Actually I umm, have something for you too.

604. Really?

605. I painted this for you.

606. Thought you could maybe use it as your next album cover.

607. That's amazing.

608. Thank you.

609. Hey um, I was gonna go make some dinner if you're hungry.

610. I'm starving.

611. I thought she was the one.

612. I really did.

613. Relax, it's not the end of the world.

614. who are you calling?

615. Carter!

616. Come here son.

617. Hello?

618. I don't have all day, chop chop.

619. Walter right?

620. Look, I have to get going, I have something.

621. I know you love Riley.

622. I loved her too and it was the biggest mistake

623. of my fucking life.

624. I left my wife for her.

625. I gave up my house.

626. I can't see my kids.

627. For what?

628. Pussy?

629. You don't want Riley, trust me.

630. Look me in the eye.

631. Promise me you'll forget about her.

632. You got it, I'll forget her.

633. I thought she was a goddess.

634. Hey there bud, something got you down?

635. Carter

636. Every man suffers from erectile disfunction

637. at some point, but nine out of 10 experts stand firm

638. that the best cure on the market is.

639. Rick, what the fuck is that?

640. It's a good friend of mine.

641. They don't call me the dick for nothing.

642. baby I love you, it could be our love bug.

643. Side effects include nausea

644. and impaired vision and diarrhea.

645. If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours,

646. please consult a doctor.

647. Carter, I need your help.

648. What the fuck?

649. The lunar eclipse is tonight.

650. This is our last chance Jack.

651. Which one's the real deal?

652. Carter?

653. Erica, what happened?

654. We can catch up to speed later.

655. The stars are right, we gotta hightail it outta here

656. before they show up looking for the book.

657. Who?

658. Double trouble.

659. How kind of you to look after my book.

660. They took the fucking book.

661. Where's Erica?

662. They took her too.

663. What the fuck is going on?

664. Who were those people?

665. Enough questions Jack.

666. We're going on a field trip.

667. And there was no point at which you thought

668. about calling the police?

669. I wanted to call the police,

670. but Squid was convinced they were in on it.

671. She was sure that everybody was a part of this cult

672. and we were the only ones who could stop it.

673. Besides, they had Erica and it was all my fault.

674. So you get to the church.

675. What are you kidding me?

676. I think our friends have come back.

677. Release the whores.

678. Professor Curwen?

679. Professor Curwen, it's Carter.

680. What did they do to you?

681. Brothers and sisters, the time has come.

682. The stars have aligned.

683. And our queen has been crowned.

684. Yes my friends!

685. Soon, Cthulhu will awaken and the great old ones will follow

686. rising from their deep slumber.

687. It's about time.

688. Holy shit you're okay.

689. You need to work on your definition of okay.

690. Where are we?

691. In a cage, In a cage made for fucking dogs.

692. They're going to kill us.

693. I'm going to die a virgin.

694. This is our moment!

695. You carry that around with you?

696. I've been saving it for someone special.

697. Ladies.

698. Are you ready?

699. Yes, Carter.

700. Y'all are some freaks.

701. Put your clothes on love birds.

702. We've got a world to save.

703. Did you find the book?

704. No, I was too busy killing monsters.

705. Listen up, I got a plan.

706. Actually I have a plan too.

707. Well partner, I'm glad we're on the same page.

708. How do we stop it?

709. We have to close that portal?

710. I'm going for the book.

711. You have to kill the baby.

712. Kill the baby?

713. Listen, I can't.

714. Game over, Jack.

715. It's too late my friend.

716. Come on, come on, come on.

717. Fuck!

718. Carter, do you love me?

719. I'm sure you're still pretty on the inside.

720. I'm glad you like the CD.

721. Yeah, it's dynamite.

722. I love you.

723. Drop dead.

724. Well I've heard enough of your tales for one night.

725. I want to thank you for wasting my evening.

726. You're entire testimony is pretty much worthless.

727. I'm telling the truth.

728. Oh you are cruising for the gas chamber pal.

729. Oh fuck you lady!

730. I'm not crazy.

731. Sweet dreams Mr. Wilcox.

732. Oh no!

733. sometimes, I wish the world would just hurry up

734. and end already.

735. I want to reek of blood

736. I want to know the things you learned

737. Between the covers

738. I don't wanna read the story between the lines

739. I don't wanna hear about the look of love in your eyes

740. We had things all wrong

741. From the very start girl

742. It didn't take that long for us to turn out tears

743. Instead of whispers

744. We waited so long for it to fall apart now

745. Now that it did look what's happening to my happiness

746. Threw it all away

747. Still you got the nerve to say one day one day

748. How long is it anyway

749. Still I hope you're having fun babe fun babe

750. Somewhere maybe down the line

751. I can hear you say

752. He never cared about my happiness anyway

753. Here we are in what use to be the future

754. I can see it now

755. You never sought to resolve my loneliness anyhow

756. Lonely girl

757. Lonely boy

758. Ahhhh

759. Had about all you can take

760. Went away from america

761. Always waiting for a new heartbreak

762. Always saying that it should be good to see you

763. A second time around

764. Any year at all

765. I want to read the book of love

766. I want to know the things you've learned

767. between the covers

768. I don't wanna read the story between the lines

769. I don't wanna hear about the look of love in your eyes

770. Threw it all away

771. And still you had the nerve to say one day one day

772. Thought I lost you anyway

773. Still I hope you have a fun day fun day

774. Somewhere maybe down the line

775. I can hear you say

776. He never cared about my happiness anyway

777. Here we are in what used to be the future

778. I can see it now

779. You never sought to resolve my loneliness anyhow

780. Lonely girl

781. Lonely boy

782. Ahhhhh

783. There is a new way

784. To a new place

785. Now walking away

786. But right to the face of the enemy

787. There's a place

788. That's worth distress

789. Rain is falling

790. And realize the domain is done

791. There's a place

792. I won't surrender

793. There's a place

794. Where time is mine

795. There's a road the window

796. On the western side

797. There is a place

798. Where it will catch me

799. There's a place

800. I won't surrender

801. There is a place

802. Where time is mine

803. There

804. There is a place